#and i am a psych major i know what i talked about above.

[utilitycaster]

Hey! Because I have seen various, various, various takes on Ashton’s actions in ep77– both on twitter (whew) and on here— and I am loving all of the different perspectives on it, I was wondering what your opinion was on the take that Ashton may have manipulated Fearne in the conversation they both had right before absorbing the shard.

Personally, I feel like it may be a bit more complicated than that, but I still don’t know.

Hey!

I think this post I made sums it up. It's not. Ashton tells Fearne precisely what they intend to do. He then does it. Fearne has the opportunity to refuse this request, or to tell the rest of Bells Hells, and she chooses not to. Yes, he compliments her and tells her that he trusts her to do the right thing when most wouldn't. Laudna asks Imogen to kill her if Delilah takes over in virtually the same exact language earlier than episode, and I don't think that's manipulative either:

Laudna to Imogen: And if anything happens and I become her little puppet, I trust you to make the right choice. (Implication this is a request for a mercy killing in the context of Delilah and Laudna's lives being inseparable; is understood as such by Imogen as demonstrated from her response and her later scene in the temple)

Ashton to Fearne: Things are going to happen, and I trust you to help me make the right decision, and I hope you trust me to help make the right decision.

The fact one is being brought up and not the other really points out that the Twitter talks out their collective ass ten times more often than they do their collective mouth; and the fact that they cannot distinguish "put Fearne in a somewhat uncomfortable position" from manipulation really points out that touching grass is not enough; they need to develop meaningful relationships with a wide variety of people in the real world.

Going along with a friend's stupid-ass decision that they encouraged you to join in and immediately regretting it is not, in fact, manipulation; it's your friend at most being kind of a dick and you exercising your agency to make your own stupid-ass decisions. It would have been wiser and nicer of Ashton to ask the party who wanted to take the shard, sure, but Fearne actively agrees with them that they should get it, and Ashton is not really defined by wisdom and being nice, and also, the above would be way more boring.

I don't want to go into this because it's a massive out-of-scope rant not limited to this particular situation, and I'd like to drag my sleep schedule back into a reasonable place tonight, but I think a lot of the more rancid discourse, whatever it may be but especially about interpersonal relationships between characters, arises for the following reasons, and I have little patience for any of them.

Thinking the only way to be a Good Person is to use 2023-approved therapy speak (and, frankly, frequently 2023 Rando on Tiktok claiming expertise who is actually a freshman psych students with no friends and a D average approved "therapy speak")

Relatedly, an all-consuming fear of any conflict, fictional, real, or otherwise, and the accompanying lack of any conflict resolution skills; this is also why they think this is manipulative, because if Fearne said no, that would be Conflict which is bad so positioning someone where conflict might be required for them to express themselves must be evil.

The genuine belief that you can only understand someone if you get everything right on the first try; either you read their mind perfectly or you have failed and are probably a manipulator or abuser for potentially leading to misunderstandings which lead to conflict which, as we see from the above point, is evil.

A refusal to admit that sometimes people are merely 1. assholes or 2. stupid. I frequently talk about opinions I cannot stand, and I almost as frequently get questions about how this opinion is problematic, and the vast majority of the time? It's not. I think it says something quite worrying, actually, that people are more comfortable and even eager to assume that a stranger is hateful or bigoted rather than merely inconsiderate or not that bright. Ashton made a poorly informed decision and made Fearne party to it. It was dumb and it wasn't really nice. That's literally it.

Anyway here's the five geek social fallacies; I recommend reading any Twitter Take(TM) and deciding how many of them they are applying to the narrative, cast, and fandom. See if you can get a full house.

(also upon re-reading this I'm pretty brusque and I promise it's not directed at you; I just genuinely think that the majority of the Twitter fandom, and certainly the loudest voices thereof, are so stupid a Detect Thoughts spell on them would fail on the basis of intelligence alone and the fact that their takes gain traction baffles and infuriates me)

[moowithmidnight]

Can you tell us about Acquired Taste and/or the Brutus song one?!

Thank you so much for the ask!! 😌

My name is Cashmere (Brutus song one) is such a silly title but very accurate. Brutus is a song by The Buttress and it is amazing- and I was thinking of how easily the lyrics could slightly shift and be absolutely perfect for Cashmere. I’m easily influenced by music lol

It’s a non-chronological songfic about the 75th games, her killing Seeder, and her post-death fate! I really do want to finish it, but I’ve never done a songfic before and I am a slow author ^^,

Original lyrics:

My name is Brutus and my name means heavy

So with a heavy heart I’ll drive this dagger into the heart of my enemy

My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me

Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy

I, too, have a destiny

This death will be art

The people will speak of this day from near and afar

This event will be history, and I’ll be great too

I don’t want what you have, I want to be you

I would write this about Brutus, except I just don’t care about him rip

—

Acquired Taste isn’t actually Hunger Games related (whoopsie) it’s Psych characters! Live laugh love Psych, and I had major brainrot on (Carlton) Lassiter and Juliet’s dynamic.

For context, the whole show is super big on platonic relationships, and I love that. But these two specific characters platonic relationship is so underrated! They are the most partners ever, and we need to talk about that more. It’s a very loose fic, plot wise, more just an exploration of their dynamic and how much they changed from the start of the series! Maybe not my best work-

Snippet:

Carlton frowned, turning to inspect her. “Huh, I guess you do. I never noticed.”

Juliet gave him an incredulous look. “Carlton, how is that even possible, weren’t you dating this woman??”

“First off, it was not dating. Second, I wasn’t looking for you to be a replacement, I don’t care what you look like!”

She raised a eyebrow at him, suppressing a smirk. “I heard I was ‘above everything, not hot’.”

“Oh for the love of-“ he threw his hands up in frustration. “For the last time O’Hara, that’s not what I meant and you know that!”

She just laughed quietly, hiding behind her hand as he huffed grumpily and pretended to focus on the warehouse.

This has really reminded me that I love writing canon-compliant “behind the scenes” fics so much

[unwelcome-ozian]

hi, it's the O9A anon again. thank you so much for your reply! i'm glad you're feeling more healthy. i had a question about the tree of wyrd - we have areas of the inner world named after planets like saturn and venus, which i think fits with the tree model? our system has female ritual parts that were trained to be rounwytha and they have a special forest in the inner world where they operate, controlling animal/epsilon parts. they often talk about a ritual in which 33 points are painted on the body, and they talk about a being called 'mikholeh'. do you know anything about what this ritual could mean/be for, and how i may be able to access the different areas named after planets? (i'm assuming there's a way to travel between them but i'm not sure how). thank you so much! sorry for the complicated questions, i understand if you can't answer them :)

we have areas of the inner world named after planets like saturn and venus, which i think fits with the tree model?

Yes, they are. The Tree of Wyrd has seven celestial bodies: the Moon, Venus, Mercury, the Sun, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.

Rounwytha Way: Is one of the three O9A praxises. It is also known as 'the rouning'. “The way of the Rounwytha is the way of the independent, strong, empath: of those who have developed their natural, their latent, their empathic and muliebral, abilities, qualities, and skills, both exoteric and esoteric [1].

Given the nature of these abilities, qualities, and skills, the overwhelming majority of individuals who follow the Way of the Rounwytha are women – who thus embody our sinister feminine archetype..”

“There are only three rites of this tradition: one celebratory [2], and two to train, to breed, the Rounwytha. The training is and was simple, and involves the candidate in living, for two whole alchemical seasons [3], alone in an isolated area, as per what is now known as the Rite of Internal Adept, followed – some unfixed causal Time later (sometimes a year later, sometimes longer) – by undertaking the Camlad Rite of The Abyss, and which Rite lasted for a whole lunar month [4]. another, in order to train candidates in certain necessary Martial skills, with this training lasting from six months to (more usually) a year. [5]” --Order of Nine Angles 123 yfayen

33 points are painted on the body, 

The number 33 is an occult/magick number and can have many meanings. Number 33 is a Master Number. The number 33 reflects the interface of the familiar world with the higher spiritual realm.

There are 33 vertebrae. The Kundalini goes up all 33 vertebrae of the spine and one achieves apotheosis.

It would depend on where on the body the points are painted.

and they talk about a being called 'mikholeh’. I’ve looked at the materials/information I have and am unable to find anything with the name ‘mikholeh’.  

However O9A says: What also has to be considered is that the ONA uses certain words in an esoteric way – with a specialized Occult meaning – so that words such as archetype and nexion and psyche have specific esoteric meanings [1] over and above, or instead of, their accepted common exoteric usage. Thus, and for example, a word such as Satanas may have an esoteric (batin) meaning and an exoteric (dhir) meaning – with the dhir meaning referring to what mundanes understand as Satan (a particular male causal and demonic form), and the batin meaning referring to what ONA initiates understand as an acausal (non-temporal, non-causally defined) entity Satanas who/which can shapeshift and who/which exists (when in the acausal) outside of our limited (causal) categories such as male/female, singular/plurality, and past/present/future. Hence, the accepted exoteric understanding of, and/or the appearance of some-thing – such as a name or chant – is not necessarily a guide to or an indication of its esoteric meaning, its use, or its efficacy in terms of sorcery. [2]” 

E.g. Malkuth, Vindex

how i may be able to access the different areas named after planets? 

Here are a few of the ways:

Some systems have star gates to reach other areas. 

Through symbols such as the Algol symbol.

The seven spheres and the pathways.

Oz

[love2write2626]

Time and Time Again

This is an Edge of Tomorrow Story. I absolutely love this 2014 Tom Cruise movie! 

Major William Cage was thrown threw a loop when he died... and found out that he didn’t die but would relive the same day over and over again, until the battle between an alien race known as Mimics are destroyed. He also wasn’t expecting to run into the love of his life... his best friend, and unofficial girlfriend Dr. Y/N Carter, after not seeing her for 3 years when she completely cut off contact with him.  How will seeing her again impact the responsibility he now has to help save the human race.

Chapter 1

Cage’s P.O.V

20 times. It took 20 tries to finally reach Rita, I thought it was going to be easy but was I wrong. I guess that’s what I get for being so cocky, being cocky is what got me into this mess anyway. Thinking I was above them all, thinking that I was safe behind my title, not thinking about the consequences of opening my big mouth.

“Yes? Who said you could talk to me?” was the first thing she said

“You did… well you will tomorrow, on the beach you tell me to ‘Come find you when I wake up’ her eyes went wide. “So you do know what’s happening to me” I said

“Follow me” she said, I did as she said and quickly followed her outside of the building. “You do not talk to anyone else about this except me, do you understand?” she whispered “the best case scenario is you end up in a psych ward… worst case scenario you end up being dissected for study… are we clear?” she asked

“Yes” I responded

“First time you died, what happened?” she asked “You killed a mimic?”

“Yes”

“Describe it”

“It was different, bigger, bluish” I said racking my mind for any out of the ordinary details

“When you killed it, you were covered in it’s blood”

“As a matter of fact… I was”

“They know we’re coming tomorrow? It’s a slaughter… isn’t it?”

“How do you…” She started walking faster “Wait, could you please just explain to me what the hell is happening” she turned around and said

“What happened to you, happened to me. I had it and lost it”

“That’s great, there a cure” I said so much relief running through my body “So how do I get rid of this?”

“First I need your help” I looked at her confused

“With what exactly?”

“Winning the war” she said in a tone that made it sound like that was an obvious answer she got into one of the vehicles, and said “Are you coming, or what?”

“Uh, yeah” I said before jumping in

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We drove across the base, we rode in silence for a long time, when we pulled up to the weapon’s repair building, she parked and got out. I sat there confused, but she turned around looking agitated

“Are you coming?” she asked again, I jumped out and followed behind her.

“What are we doing here?” I asked she didn’t answer, just kept walking quickly past people, she made stared at one of the people welding weapons, the woman raised her face shield, and I stopped in my tracks when I saw her… “Y/N?” I whispered, she quickly ran past me, and followed Rita they ran into one of the back rooms

“Cage are we going to keep doing this? When I said follow me… I meant everywhere until I told you to stop” I ran into the back room, and Rita turned the lights on

“Rita what the fuck are you doing here? You need to give me some warning before you show up here” Y/N said angrily “What’s he doing here” she asked with an attitude

“This is William Cage” Y/N looked at me with absolute disgust which hurt  more than any other pain I have ever experienced “He’s me before Verdun” Y/N’s eyes went wide, and she turned towards me, looking at me with what looked like sympathy for a second but then her look of disgust returned.

“You mean he’s…”

“Yes”

“Where did he die”

“He dies on the beach tomorrow”

“How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?” she spoke finally addressing me

“How should I know that?” I asked

“Ok… so this is the first time we are having this conversation” she asked

“Yes…” I noticed Rita picking up something off the table

“You should try this on him” she said

“What the fuck is that?” I asked

“It doesn’t work” she mumbled “another failed experiment” she said grabbing it from Rita’s hands.

“Look, Y/N. We need your help” Rita practically begged her

“I’m sorry, how can she help” Y/N scoffed

“Y/N, knows more about Mimic Biology then anyone… which means she is also the only other person who will believe what is happening to you” I decided if she was going to play stupid so am I

“So, who are you exactly? Like what is your title… and if your so damn smart why are you working as a mechanic” I could see I was getting under skin and it brought me some satisfaction

“Dr. Y/N Carter, she’s one of the top analysts at Whitehall”

“Was” she replied “now I’m just a mechanic with delusions” she said sadly

“Y/N, I think it’s time we show him”

“Right” she said, she walked over to what I first thought was simply a table, but when she moved the sheet revealed a screen containing a lot if information on Mimics “So something you need to understand is that you are not fighting an army, these Mimics act as one single organism”

“The Alpha’s like the one you killed are much more rare” Rita chimed in

“The Alpha’s act as the organisms central nervous system” She touched the screen again, and an image of a very different type of Mimic appeared on the screen “This is the brain” she said, looking very fascinated by it “It’s called the Omega… it controls them all” she moved the screen again and continued “The Omega can control time”

“When an Alpha is killed, it sends an automatic response to reset the day”

“So basically what you’re telling me, that the Mimics can remember”

“Exactly, they know what we are going to do before we do it” Y/N said

“I, mean an enemy that knows the future…”

“Can’t lose” Rita finished my sentence “Unless you change the outcome”

“Me?” I asked confused

“When you killed that Alpha you became part of the nervous system”

“Which means…” Y/N scoffed again

“You gained the ability to reset the day”

“So I’m resetting the day?” I asked

“Yes”

“So again how can I help… all I want to do is get rid of this”

“You have to die everyday, until you get me to the Omega… and I’m going to kill it”

“I’m, I mean I’m not even combat ready”

“I can help with that” Rita said “We start training in one hour, stay with Y/N and discuss any questions you have about Mimics” she said as she walked out. Y/N sighed, I know she is nervous because she is twirling her hair… she always does that when she’s nervous

“So what questions do you have?” she asked

“I have a couple… the first one being how long are you going to pretend you don’t know me”

“I’m not talking about this now”

“Talking about what? Talking about how you broke my heart when you completely stopped talking to me? You are the only person who knows me… the real me. My best friend the woman that I…. never mind, just please tell me what happened?”

“As if you don’t know”

“I don’t know” I replied

“Well, I guess I really don’t know you, the fact you can look me right and the eyes and act as if you don’t know why I never wanted to see you again”

“Y/N, wait” I said as she walked away, she turned around and I saw tears in her eyes

“You know I loved you… fuck I never stopped loving you. As much as I hate you, you ripped my heart out and ripped it into tiny pieces… and the fact you can stand there and lie, you’re just tap dancing on those broken pieces”

“Y/N, Baby please”

“Don’t call me baby, you lost that right” she said before walking out the door

[libercivco]

ANCESTRAL PAIN & REMEDY

So, building off of my last post. I'll just say that this week has been a whirlwild since I first journeyed to the first mansion and explored humility. In fact, just a few days ago I had an ecstatic experience involving my Jewish Ancestors. But, let me provide some context before I dive into what I've taken away from this experience:

Two nights ago, I made my way to a local community center called the Rainbow Wellness Collective. I was hoping to take burlesque classes there, but it ended up being cancelled as I was the only one to show up. I spent about 45 minutes chatting with the receptionist in the most flamboyant gym wear possible.

At the end of the night, when I got home I had an immense wave of social anxiety wash over me. I couldn't believe what an embarrassment to myself I was by speaking so candidly about what I had been experiencing recently with a complete stranger. I mostly talked about trying to find belonging in the world after a lengthy time away discovering my spirituality.

My mentor was unavailable, and so I began speaking a mantra that had come to me from my studies of the Book of Job. It goes "Even if I am different, my life serves a purpose" with the caveat that the purpose for Being is an unknowable mystery to the human psyche and only the Creator, the one who blessed this Earth with life, would know.

I lay down to sleep, as I repeat my mantra and it feels as if a white light is shining upon me from a star above my head. I sense a presence... the immanence of the divine... and it speaks to me as if it were from the perspective of Judaism. I wonder why Source would flavor itself until I notice a gathering beside me. My Jewish Ancestors speak and tell me they have felt similar pain, remedied similarly.

I am invited to convert, they say, although it is fully within the realm of my choice. If I convert, they have instructions for me to guide my studies, otherwise they say... do some research on the Sefer Yetzirah. The next day I pull up a video by ESOTERICA on YouTube. He mentions a word in the Sefer Yetzirah being only used in the similarly confounding story of Job.

It is the word for "Nothingness," and maybe even "Ineffable." The strings in the tangled-up twine ball that is my psyche loosen up just a little bit. My mentor sends me an open-enrollment class on Kabbalah for Magicians led by Sara L. Mastros. I sign up with what little money I have left, add another Jewitch suggested by my friend to my social media radar and write this post.

So...

Where does this leave me? It leaves me pondering a few questions. It mostly has me walking a path provided by my ancestors, one where I have no idea what it will lead to. I know that Judaism is about Belonging and not Belief, and it has crossed my mind to convert multiple times even before the previous entry's confession that Jesus Christ told me not to be Christian. My ancestors said I belonged within a Jewish context, but that it was up to my heart to decide.

Where will I go from here? I am taking a break from journeywork with Carolyn Myss's pantheist approach to St. Teresa of Avila's work while my mentor undergoes major surgery. I will be taking Mastros' course. But most of all, I will be praying and speaking with my cohort of spirits... including my ancestors and, perhaps, G-d.

[dyst0p14-n]

I don't really know who I am yet.

Ever since I learnt to string together coherent sentences, I've always liked writing like these little introduction entries. Whether it be in a new notebook, online, or even in my stories, I love being able to talk about myself. I used to think I was egotistical, so I just kept these entries to myself, but I've grown to realise it's less of a "I love myself to bits" thing, and more of a "catching up with myself every once in a while" thing. I think it's important to check in on yourself every once in a while. You know, to keep yourself from totally losing your mind and ending up in a psych ward. I mean, I'll end up in a psych ward regardless. What I'm trying to get at is hi, welcome to my little online diary. Fair word of warning, I have a lot of issues and I've seen literal porn on this website, so I'm not exactly worried about my posts being taken down if I talk about actively cvtting myself (I'll like censor my words just to be safe). Trigger warning for every single trigger under the sun: svicide, self h4rm, eating "this order", mommy and daddy issues, substance abuse, just to name a fun few. Obviously, my whole life doesn't revolve around that stuff (it absolutely does, I'm just gaslighting myself), so it's not like all my entries will be suicide letter after suicide letter.. or something. I might post it in the future though, so look forward to that!

ANYWAY, hi. I'm Amelia (people also call me Jemma if they're feeling funky), I'm 16 as of the 31st of March, and I'll be treating this as my diary. Basically decided on making this on a whim, so I have no clue whether I'll be writing here every day, or just once in a blue moon, time will tell. Honestly, I made this account to commemorate me surviving this long. I never imagied I'd make it to 16, and yet here we are. I didn't plan on making it this far, and I really don't have any plans on what to do with myself. I'm kinda at a loss. Before, it's just been a countdown to the day my candle goes out. Now, I wake up confused. What am I doing here? What is there for me? Is there anything for me out there? Everyday is a question. A question to which the answer is unclear, but I can make an educated guess that it's either drugs, money or death. Maybe all of the above.

I guess theres a few things I like to do. I'll get into detail in a later entry if I feel like it. It's getting pretty late.

I draw sometimes. I used to only do digital art, but I lost my apple pencil and have been too embarrased to tell my mam, so i just switched to permenant pencil drawings. I actually prefer it. I used to hate it because I was really bad at anatomy and using a digital drawing program let me rearrange the limbs as I so pleased. I can't do that on paper, it forces me to practice and get better. And I'd like to think that I have. I understand muscle structure a lot better. Perspective, and all that jazz. I also bought a watercolour set recently, so I've been messing around with that. It's pretty fun!

I also write stories. A lot of them. I'm actually in the process of writing the pilot episode for one of my projects; It's called "All-in". Its about this snobby rich girl who is running an illegal underground gambling ring who meets this depressed traumatised orphan boy who's part of a gang that is trying to take down the mafia and is constantly on someone’s kill list, he accidentally drags her into his business after his brother is kidnapped and the mafia thinks shes affiliated with him and she is now on the kill list as well. He is under the impression that she doesn’t want anything to do with any of this, not knowing she has a criminal record of her own. It's a whole thing, I won't bore myself by explaining all the small details. This is my diary! It exists for my leisure and to let out everything on my mind! I'll leave the work to work hours.

Another major hobby of mine is volleyball. Officially, I'm a setter. In reality, I'm a bench warmer. I haven't been playing very long. Maybe a year and a half. So naturally, I suck at it. I still have a lot of fun with it. Maybe i shoud become a professional volleyball player if I don't end up killing myself?

What else is there about me.... I listen to a lot of rock and metal. All sorts of varients of the two. Really, I like all genres of music, these are just my personal favourites. I also listen to a ton of vocaloid. It's been a staple of my personality since 2016. If youve been here since before i repurposed this account (which, I doubt you did), then you'd have seen my entire page was FILLED with Hatsune Miku stuff. Big fan.

I watch a lot of anime. My favourites are FMA, Soul Eater and Assassination Classroom. I also have a manga collection that is worth over 450 quid. Some might say thats a waste, since I'm poor and could use that money to feed myself for a month, but food is temporary, wasted female lead potentional is forever.

I'm gonna gp to sleep now. I'll add on whatever I can think of when I'm back from school tomorrow.

...

School sucks dick.

-amelia

[saint-magdalena]

thing # 20, Wednesday, August 9, 2023 4:42 pm

okay so life update haha

got a boyfriend, yes the tinder guy from before.

we’ve been together for eight months now.

probably gonna die early from vaping cause i got into it oops

i’m on antidepressants now

listened to the new lana album, cried

saw the little mermaid, cried

saw barbie, cried

i have yet to watch oppenheimer, but i don’t really give a fuck about that movie

there was a lot of crying since i last wrote here, but like in a good way. The hopeful kind. I’ve been so much better ever since I actually reached out to get help. I actually have to get back to the psych for another appointment but I can’t afford that yet so maybe next time. My boyfriend is the best, he’s almost too good to be true. I’m not gonna rule out the fact that he probably is, but so far, I have no reason to. He’s like actually husband material, and I’m not talking barebones here. He’s gone above and beyond the bare minimum. He’s kind of the reason i haven’t been posting here as much. He gives me so much comfort and I feel so safe and loved around him, I feel so at peace. My social life has gotten better I actually made new friends. I went with them to pride last June. Grades are still shit, might actually change my major but I’m not sure yet. My washing machine broke. There’s something wrong with the drain or something and it’s starting to stink. I took out the sheets I was washing too many days later and now I’m trying to get the stink out, so far no luck. I bought some bleach from a store nearby so hopefully that’ll help. I’m just gonna let them soak or something. I have about four bags of laundry piled up and I’m too lazy to walk over to the laundromat. Maybe later tonight when it’s not so hot. It was raining so much last week now I feel i like I’m in an oven. I want the rainy weather back.

I never realized how much I loved doing nothing. I mean, cleaning the house and doing chores is fine, but schoolwork? projects? yeah fuck that. I don’t know something about setting a deadline to make or answer something about something, even if I am actually passionate about that something, ugh i just don’t like it. I feel like if humans didn’t come up with this learning as fast as you can so you can make money shit, I would actually feel like doing something with my life. If all we’re doing in life as all about getting money, then what’s the point? If we’re working for money instead of like, I don’t know, happiness? It’s waste of time. Spending a big ass chunk of my life miserable so I can horde shit? No thank you. I mean, of course it’s good to have a purpose in life, but if that purpose is forced upon you by a system that fucks you over in the end then what the fuck? Plus, all that shit corporations earn, a big part of that goes to one probably white guy in a big house while people at the bottom of the food chain can barely afford to eat. I can’t even afford meat.

And can I rant about the horrible urban planning where I live? If you live in a third-world country like me, you know what I’m talking about. Fucking boomers complain about how kinds don’t go outside anymore, nobody goes out and meets with their friends. But have they ever actually looked at the outside their generation built? i get about a foot of sidewalk if I’m lucky. People can’t get anywhere unless they have a car, or unless they’re willing to learn about the mess that is public transportation here, or if they can afford a taxi. Of course, there’s a learning curve every time someone wants to go to a new city, but still. The least they can do is spare some space for people to walk. Also, the air sucks and the rains sucks. In my neighborhood, there is one singular tree. When it rains, it doesn’t smell like rain, it doesn’t smell like petrichor or earth or even wet dirt. It smells like wet garbage. I miss dirt.

But guess what? I can’t go to where the dirt is because I can’t even afford to get a bus ticket to go home. Honestly, I feel like I should just quit school and find an okay-paying job and just do whatever. But noooo third-world country babies don’t have the privilege to choose what they want to do with their lives, not without a college degree, that is.

I should get tested for ADHD. I know self-diagnosing is on trend these days, but like I actually have a problem up top. Even with the antidepressants, yes my mood has gotten a lot better, but I cans till barely function. Something’s wrong, I know that much.

Anyways, I feel like I still have a lot to say but I’m getting bored of typing. I actually just started writing this cause I was bored of scrolling on tiktok. I’m gonna go back to tiktok now

buhbye mwah

[incompetent-witch]

About The Blogger;

Eclectic Witch

I am here, and I am 🌈QUEER

She/her pronouns (That could change)

Bisexual (With a huge preference for girls)

Bipolar type 2. (haha. Double Bi…)

Narcolepsy type 1

25 years old

🎂 Birthday; February 12th :D

♒️Aquarius- 🌙Virgo moon🌙

My beliefs are a mix of;

polytheism, (all the gods exist simultaneously)

Agnosticism; (I don’t know anything for sure. You gotta stay skeptic for things that can’t be proven by science. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt.)

A preference for the greek gods.

*Side note on the Greek gods thing. as basic and edgy in a cringe sort of way, I have a shrine to Thanatos and Hypnos. Due to my love for them and researching them i discovered the hades game because when trying to find YouTube videos on Hypnos, one of the only thing that showed up was the game hades. They’re obscure so i was really excited to see that they both had a pretty big role in the game. So you might see some posts here and there about the game.

Magic should be for fun!!! If it becomes distressing, then you got to take a step back

It’s really important that you understand that I absolutely hate hate hate pseudoscience and crystal healing and the current bastardization of chakras. If you want to learn about that stuff, probably don’t get new age books on it. (Herbs are good though. Lots of vitamins lmao)

If a white lady with dreadlocks starts talking about spirituality, RUN.

If something directly contradicts science in a way that dismisses it, That just not the vibe. Science above all else please, that seems contradictory but it just loops back around to things like crystal healing. If you wanna use magic and spirituality to heal yourself, whatever man, that’s fine just take your meds first then do whatever you want.

More About Me, and What Posts You’ll See.

You’ll see a lot of reblogged art. I’m not sure if I’ll post much of my own. Most of my work is unfinished, and likely never will be finished. But I’ve been a serious artist since I was. Teenager. I’ve illustrated books, (I’m nervous to show it, because it could dox me… that and it’s really old work, and is not a good representation of what I’m capable of now.) And I’ve won a congressional award for a sketch I did at… 17? Can’t remember exactly how old I was.

I had to temporarily dropout of school due to the disability and mental illness I didn’t know I had at the time. It was rough, and I blamed myself for being incompetent. I thought everyone was as tired as me all the time, and could just function better. I was homeschooled, so I wasn’t in an environment where they would have noticed something was off about me. My parents weren’t exactly qualified to teach, and were incredibly medically neglectful. I came from a very “walk it off” and “Pull yourself up from your bootstraps” environment. So you’ll see a lot of vent posts too. I’ll tag it with trigger warnings just in case. But the good news is! I’m going back to school! I’m gonna be an art major again 🥹

I have a cat named Salem. No, I wasn’t dabbling in witchcraft when I named him, I’ve always just had a witchy aesthetic but never actually looked into the occult, western esotericism, or witchcraft. However, I’ve dabbled in tarot cards for about 4 years now. I’m studying it pretty hard now. I’ll post about the meanings as best I can as a way to study. I believe that If you can’t teach it, then you don’t understand it. That’s my philosophy on learning anything.

I’ve been practicing and studying witchcraft for only half a year. And I’ll be real with you, it started because of a HUGE hypo-manic episode. (Honestly it was probably true mania, which means my bipolar 2 diagnosis will probably be changed to type Bipolar 1 if my psych finds that it wasn’t due to a medication change.) The manic episode was so bad, that I actually don’t remember any of November of 2022 besides thanksgiving. As I remember it, I just kinda knew a bunch of stuff in December and was talking to entities I had no business talking to. It was really bad. So i will be VERY open about the ugly side of Bipolar mania that people don’t seem to understand, as well the dangerous side of spiritually both in occult spaces, new age shit, and established religions. (Pretty much only christianity if I’m being honest.)

BUT! I’ve always liked the occult, but I was never able to really study it due to my religious and controlling environment and the confidence to read about it anyway. I give no shits now, despite still being in that environment. The manic episode really just gave me the confidence to get started. Now that I’m stable again, I still love the occult, and am honestly kinda grateful that it happened the way that it did. I’ll talk more about all the weird shit I did while high on mania. It might be helpful to some people. Trigger warnings will be added to that too.

You’ll probably see some memes and whatever show/movie/game/book I’m into at that moment. It changes frequently lol

I am NOT a fan of new age spirituality. You’ll see me complaining, but you’ll never see me bullying anyone. I believe in gentle nudges in the right direction. Nobody TRIES to be problematic or misinformed.

I especially hate Star-Seeds. Or at least the belief system. I worry about the people who believe in it.

That’s gonna be a common theme. I hate a lot of belief systems but never the individuals who believe it. I just pity them, and also worry about them. Especially when it comes to Christianity. I have A LOT of religious trauma. (It’s the various churches and its history I hate. But the catholic aesthetic??? I love it. That can stay.)

But due to being prone to spiritual psychosis, at this moment I’ve decided not to cast any spells, besides the occasional candle spell for luck or something. Just small stuff and like, one a month. I’ll only be doing research. Mostly historical researching as I’ve decided I don’t like contemporary books on witchcraft. It’s a huge risk for misinformation, and doesn’t always explain where the spell came from or why and how it works. I want a better foundation for magic, and history is the way to go in my opinion. Folklore, old superstitions, old religions, (Religions especially so I know whether or not it’s opened or closed practices.) You’ll see a lot of posts on whatever I’ve read about that I find important. I’d also be super happy if someone adds to it, especially if they’re correcting me. But if you’re correcting me, please either add your source or give me a few key words so I can look into it myself. I’d be very grateful if Youre right but I won’t attack you if you’re wrong or we simply disagree.

And what I’m most excited about, is listing all the books I’ve read and reviewing them! I’ll keep a library, and update it here and there. I’ll also link any scholarly articles I find interesting.

[jacenbren]

Hey guys!

Okay, usually I stay out of drama. HOWEVER, recently, I’ve accidentally stumbled into a Twitter hellhole of people fighting about the “morality” of AO3 and freaking about the existence of certain tags, and debating whether or not to support them because of it. Now, as an internet veteran who has had unrestricted internet access from an age that likely had zero positive effects on my psyche, I feel the need to weigh in on this and shout into the void before it drives me insane. The biggest issues I’ve noticed newer people on AO3 are upset about are actually easy to explain why they may look harmful of the surface, but actually protect users in a way that sites like Wattpad don’t. I’m here to tell you new users some things y’all need to remember. (Obvious trigger warning; I am talking about some of the deepest cesspits of the internet, involving rape and underage shit)

First and foremost: AO3 IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA SITE. AO3 IS AN ARCHIVE, WHICH MEANS THE CONTENT UPLOADED IS NOT CLOSELY MONITORED. Think of it less like Instagram and more like Reddit, but somehow just as lawless of a wasteland but with less conflict. AO3 exists not as a site like Wattpad to promote peoples’ writings, but as a digital list of fanworks that preserves them for posterity. AO3 doesn’t care about what you post, all they care about is keeping records.

Second: certain tags exist for a reason. If you go onto AO3, the first thing you’ll notice when you go to filter your fic search is the Archive Warnings tab, which includes both the rape/non-con and underage tags. These are the ones I’ve seen the most fuss about, but are, however, some of the most important tags on the whole site. You see, there are some sick fucks out there, and as much as I wish more could be done about it, fics with very disgusting and illegal things happening in them will still be written and will never truly be completely eradicated from the hellscape that is the internet. However, the existence of the rape/non-con and underage tags on AO3 lets normal sane people do something very important that I’m going to discuss next: filtering.

AO3 has one of the best tagging systems out of any fic site, which allows you to individually sort and search fics based on countless criteria, including rating, content, plot, major characters, word count, pairings, kudos, and much, much more. It also lets you pick and choose which tags that you don’t want your search to show you, and that can include any of the things I mentioned above, and more. THIS INCLUDES TRIGGERING AND/OR ILLEGAL SUBJECTS, LIKE RAPE, INCEST, AND UNDERAGE SEX. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SICK FUCKOS OUT THERE WHO WRITE BORDERLINE CHILD PORN, BUT THIS IS BY FAR ONE OF THE BEST WAYS I’VE SEEN A FANSITE CREATE TO HELP PEOPLE AVOID THEM. If you’re new to AO3, it’s a good idea to spend some time on Urban Dictionary to learn what certain tags and descriptions mean, so you don’t end up accidentally reading something you don’t want to.

Last, but not least: complexity. AO3 may look daunting to newcomers at first, but once you know what certain buttons and certain phrases mean, it’s easy to navigate and incredibly helpful for finding what you want and avoiding what you hate. Wattpad may be simple to use, but AO3 veterans harbor a vast hatred for it, and for good reason. Ever tried to filter out nasty shit on Wattpad trying to find a chill fic to read, all while being bombarded by advertisements? I sure have! AO3 doesn’t have any kind of algorithm or monetization system, either, so you don’t have to struggle with no one seeing your stuff if you’re just starting out. All fics in a fandom category automatically appear by the date they are updated (you can obviously change this when filtering your search), so chances are someone will see your work, no matter how few comments and kudos it has.

Anyway, that concludes my rant. Moral of the story is, if you’re willing to take the time, AO3 can make your fanfic experience so much more pleasant, and while the existence of certain things on the site might appear controversial at first glance, they actually do a hell of a lot of good.

Bye for now! If any of y’all are new to AO3 and have questions, don’t be afraid to ask, even if it might seem embarrassing, because asking for help could save you from stumbling across something that could quite literally traumatize you. I’ve been on the site and writing fanfic for years now, and I’m more than willing to provide answers if I have ‘em and you need ‘em!

[dallasareaopinion]

Maybe too early, too soon, but

I, as millions of other Americans are, am sick to my stomach. 

We are staring at the ongoing horror of another mass shooting, made a bit more horrendous to our hearts because of the age of the victims yet no less devastating to a community than what happened in Buffalo less than two weeks ago.

The news people spoke, the politicians spoke, the experts spoke, the people cried, but today we sit in empathetic pain for the twenty families in Uvalde, Texas and elsewhere throughout our country as this has happened too often.

There are a few solutions offered, yet each is held hostage to partisanship and money.

Yes, the President tried to boldly attack the money aspect by complaining about the gun lobby. And if you read me regularly you know I have said that lobbying in general too many times goes against what is the better policy for everyone. Singular interests have no business in public policy. I will agree though that the making of money does play a major factor with guns in our society. This one issue is only part of the problem.

So does universal background checks prevent the senseless violence? Actually it might prevent a few, but as long as guns are manufactured people who want one will get one. This will just make a few gun dealers criminals who will bypass these laws rather than holistically solve the problem.

And if money could cure problems then would using left over Covid-19 funds to hire armed security guards for every school help as someone Fox news suggested last night? uh, no and what about grocery stores and movie theaters and shopping malls and every other brick and mortar building in this country? You end up with way too many amateurs armed in public and many of those people might have their own issues.

So would improving how we treat the mental health issues help? Maybe some.

Or should we stop glorifying gun violence on social media?

These are just a few of the solutions that get bantered around every other week when these shootings happen and maybe by incorporating all these in the best light possible we might prevent a few, but all this pales when you consider we cannot talk to each other about this topic. Not as a society, not as a community, not as a family, not even to ourselves are we able to dig deep enough into our psyche to address the real problems. We are alienated from each other and not just on this topic, but for many issues facing this country. 

And yes, money, social media, the taboo of mental illness, the lack of preparedness for disasters all play a role in addressing these situations, yet the inability to admit to ourselves that we are incapable of productive conversation prevents us from actually understanding what is the problem.

And the first step is our self, then our family and work up from there. We do not allow people to ask for help. We hide from any problem as much as possible.We gather in groups that make us feel better and close our mind to what is in actually in front of us. 

Paraphrasing from a character from the cartoon Pogo who once said we are the problem. no one wants to hear that though. And it is across the whole spectrum of American life.Do you feel comfortable telling your boss you are behind in your work or do not understand the assignment? Are you able to talk frankly to your adult kids about a problem you or they may have? Can you admit defeat to get help? Heck how do you address your physical health issues much less telling someone you feel anxious or scared? We do not do this well. We are programmed to lie rather than admit to a short coming. 

And if we cannot admit to simple to major problems within ourselves we fail even more so with people close to us. We let problems fester because we do not want the confrontation. Sure there are individual stories that you might share that refute the above generalities, but in the big picture those instances happen much less than they should.

So where do we go from here? First we do need to take at least some public actions to get started. These mass shootings need to be addressed in some way to hopefully prevent what we can. To really change things though we need to start looking at ourselves and not be afraid to ask for help. We need to change the mindset in our society that not being perfect or the best or problem free is your only way to present yourself to society. We have to know how to say oops. We have to be honest. 

I was four years old and didn’t understand it all when I encountered the first tragedy in my life.My parents were good friends with another couple who had three children one my age. One day I asked why we didn’t go over to see my friend anymore. He was basically the first person I interacted with beyond my family as a young child so playing with him was a special treat. My parents didn’t have an answer for me at the time. Later on I found out the Mother had killed two of her children including my friend and significantly injured the third before killing herself. People always say something snapped. No, there are signs in advance.It is way past time to address the signs.When we individually and in society can say there is a problem and there is no shame because there is a problem and go towards long before “someone snaps” we will prevent more disasters than all the public policy you can dream up. And again we do need some honest action in public policy to at least put in place some mechanisms to prevent what we can, yet along with this action we need our leaders to lead the way in talking about the deeper issues, too.

 And on a personal note, I am still somewhat limited in posting due to an ongoing injury. It is both difficult and somewhat painful to type. My minor inconvenience is nothing compared to what others are going through though so I felt I had to say something beyond saying prayers for the souls of these young children and asking for strength for the families. 

[oddlouies]

I know don't let it break your heart by Louis Tomlinson is not therapy, but it's close.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 10th of January 2022

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 10th of January, 2022

Question: What does Prince William think of Catherine's 40th birthday photographs?

Interpretation: William thinks the photographs show Catherine as she truly is - a future queen.

Card One: The Two of Cups. This is a card of relationships, especially romantic relationships, of soulmates, of deepening a relationship. Here it stands for a soul mate relationship. The energy is of William looking at the photos and saying yes, that is MY wife. I am getting a lot of proud energy from this card. William is very proud of his wife, his soulmate, and he is bursting with that pride whenever he looks at the photographs. He feels more in love with Catherine than ever on her 40th birthday.

Card Two: The Queen of Pentacles. This is the card of an earth sign person, particularly a Capricorn, and here it stands for Catherine herself. Prince William thinks that the photographs reflect the true Catherine, the person that he knows. He thinks they have captured her true self (as opposed to a more formal photograph which, while beautiful, would not show as much of who she really is).

Card Three: The Empress. This is the card for a female ruler, a queen. I am getting two energies from this card. One is that William thinks Her Majesty will love the photographs. The other, stronger energy is that William thinks Catherine looks very regal/royal in those photographs. He thinks she looks every inch a future queen, especially in the 'official' photograph (the side profile). This is the only major arcana card in the reading, so this is a strong energy in the reading.

Underlying Energy: Four of Cups. This is usually a card of emotional boredom or dissatisfaction, but in this deck it has another meaning of people talking and gossiping about things, and that is the meaning here. The card shows Psyche seated between her two sisters, who are talking to her, telling her all the gossip. The energy of this card is that of talk, something that everyone is talking about, and that is exactly what happened with the photographs. Everyone is talking about them and praising them. William knows this and it makes him very happy that such lovely images of HIS wife are being discussed and spread around the world.

Clarifier: The Eight of Wands. I drew a clarifier for this card to make sure I wasn't missing anything. The Eight of wands is a card of haste, of blockages being removed and things happening quickly. The energy from this card is of speed. Everyone is talking about Catherine's photographs, and they have spread all over social media very, very quickly. This energy is supporting the meaning of the Four of Cups given above.

This card is sometimes called the Arrows of Love, and it shows falling in love or being in a relationship very quickly. Prince William is very much in love with his wife and, if anything, the photographs have made him more in love with her than ever - a silent, quick and complete conquest.

Wands can also be PR, and this card shows that the photographs are giving Catherine all sorts of positive PR that is spreading very swiftly on social media and across the world.

Conclusion: Prince William loves the photographs and he loves that everyone is talking about them. He thinks they reflect who Catherine is as a person and that they show her as a future queen. He is very proud of HIS wife and loves her more than ever (emphasis on HIS wife, a lot of pride and a bit of male possessiveness here, in the best possible way).

[k3rm1e]

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

accomplishments

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.

i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to

cw: swearing

tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words

accomplishments:

  holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.

  what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it. 

  opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.

  you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.

  in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.

  “mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.

  from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”

  you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.

  your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.

  “oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.

  “she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.

  “no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.

  “without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”

  both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.

  “we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.

  you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.

  “of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.

  you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.

  opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.

  “good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.

  “morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.

  “i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.

  “i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”

  “yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.

  “‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.

  “it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.

  “they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.

  “no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”

  “i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”

  “it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.

  “no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.

  “thank you, phil. i needed that.”

  “your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”

  you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”

  “good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”

  “love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.

[samwisethewitch]

Everything You Need to Know About Pagan Deity

As you’ve probably guessed by now, there are many, many, many different approaches to deity within the wider pagan community. While it would be impossible to summarize all of these different perspectives in a single blog post, this post contains some common themes and best practices that are more or less universal and can be adapted to fit whatever system you choose to work with.

In my Baby Witch Bootcamp series, I talk about the “Four R’s” of working with spiritual beings, including deities: respect, research, reciprocity, and relationship. However, when it comes to gods and goddesses specifically, I think it’s important to include a fifth “R” — receptivity.

If you’re completely new to this kind of work and want to avoid making rookie mistakes and/or pissing off powerful spiritual forces, sticking to the Five R’s of Deity Relationships is a good place to start. The Five R’s are:

Respect. It’s always a good idea to have a healthy respect for the powers you choose to connect with, whether you see those powers as literal gods and goddesses or as archetypes within the collective unconscious (see below). While not every ritual needs to be incredibly formal and structured, you should always conduct yourself with an air of respect and reverence when connecting with deity. There’s no need to humble yourself to the point of cowering before the gods (and in fact, this kind of behavior is a turnoff for many deities), but you should strive to be polite and follow your system’s proper protocol for things like cleansing, offerings, and prayers.

Research. I am of the opinion that you should do serious research into a god or goddess before any attempt to make contact with them. This can be controversial, but in my own experience things seem to go more smoothly when I know what I’m doing. Books are really the way to go for this — the Internet can be useful for connecting with other worshipers and hearing their stories, but it isn’t a good source for nonbiased factual information. I recommend starting with academic sources written by secular experts for a purely historical account that won’t be colored by personal religious experience. Once you have a decent understanding of the basic historical context, look for books by pagan authors who have experience working with this deity. These sources will give you a framework for your own interactions with them.

Reciprocity. As we’ve discussed before, reciprocity is a core value of virtually every pagan tradition. Reciprocity is a mutual positive exchange where all parties benefit in some way, and this quality forms the backbone of all healthy relationships with deity. While we benefit from connecting with the gods, the gods also benefit from our worship. Upholding reciprocity in your relationships with deity means making regular offerings to show your appreciation as well as living in a way that your god or goddess approves of.

Relationship. At the end of the day, connecting with a god or goddess is about creating a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Like any relationship, it takes time and effort to keep the connection alive. The gods are living, thinking, feeling beings just like you and me, though on a much larger scale. Just like you and me, they have likes and dislikes and require certain things from those who want to work closely with them. Try to approach the gods as individuals, and connect with them as you would with another person. This will naturally lead to much more authentic and organic relationships.

Receptivity. To be receptive is to be open and ready to receive whatever comes your way — this is an essential quality for anyone who is serious about connecting with a god or goddess. Connecting with the gods means allowing them a place in your life, whatever they choose to bring with them. It means forming a relationship with them on their terms, and that requires us to give up a certain degree of control. While you should never feel afraid or completely out of control when connecting with deity (if you do, stop contacting that deity immediately), you may very well experience things you did not expect or ask for. Be prepared for these surprises, and understand that when the gods surprise us in this way, they do it in order to help us grow. Let go of any preconceived ideas about what a relationship with this deity “should” look like, and instead let it unfold naturally.

Though there is much more to working with deity than just these values, keeping these values in mind will get you started out on the right foot in your relationships with the gods.

Deity or Archetype?

As odd as it may sound, not everyone who connects with the gods through study and ritual believes those gods to be literal spiritual beings. Some pagans (I would even say the majority of pagans, based on my personal experience) connect with the gods as individuals with their own personalities and agency, but others connect with them as symbols that represent different elements of the human experience. This latter group is working with the gods not as deity, but as archetypes.

The term “archetype” comes from academia, particularly the fields of psychology and literary analysis. An archetype is a symbol that embodies the fundamental characteristics of a person, thing, or experience.

Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung argued that archetypes are powerful symbols within the collective unconscious (basically an ancestral memory shared by all of humanity) that arise due to shared experiences across cultures. For example, Jung would argue that Demeter, Juno, and Frigg all represent the “Mother” archetype filtered through different cultural lenses, reflecting the important role of mothers across Greek, Roman, and Old Norse culture. For Jung and his followers, archetypes allow us to connect to latent parts of our own psyche — by connecting with the Mother archetype, for example, you can develop motherly qualities like patience, empathy, and nurturing.

For comparative mythology expert Joseph Campbell, archetypes represented types of characters that appear in some form in most or all global mythology. In his book, The Hero of a Thousand Faces, Campbell identified the “hero’s journey” as the archetypal narrative framework on which most stories, from ancient myths to modern films, are based. (If you’ve taken literally any high school literature class, you’re probably familiar with Campbell’s work.) Like Jung, Campbell has been hugely influential on modern pagans who choose to connect with the gods as archetypes.

Working with an archetype is a little different than working with a deity. For one thing, while archetypes may manifest as gods and goddesses, they can also manifest as fictional characters, historical figures, or abstract symbols. Let’s say you want to tap into the Warrior archetype. You could connect with this archetype by working with gods like Mars, Thor, or Heracles — but you could just as easily do so by working with superheroes like Luke Cage or Colossus, literary figures like Ajax or Achilles, or the abstract concepts of strength and honor.

When pagans worship a deity, it’s because they want to form a relationship with that deity for some reason. But when pagans work with an archetype, it’s usually because they want to embody aspects of that archetype. In our above example, you may be trying to connect to the Warrior archetype to gain confidence or become more assertive.

The biggest difference between worshiping a deity and working with an archetype is that a deity is an external force, while an archetype is an internal force. When you connect with a deity, you are connecting with a spiritual being outside of yourself — a being with their own thoughts, feelings, and drives. When you connect with an archetype, you are connecting with a part of your own psyche. Because of this, archetypes tend to be more easily defined and behave in more predictable ways than deities, although some archetypes can be very complex and multi-faceted.

On the surface, worship and archetype work might be very similar, but the “why” behind the action is fundamentally different.

If you choose to worship the Morrigan, for example, you may have an altar dedicated to her, make regular offerings to her, speak with her in meditations and astral journeys, and/or write poetry or make art in her honor. If you choose to work with the Wild Woman archetype, it may look very similar to an outside observer — you may have an altar dedicated to the Wild Woman energy, speak with manifestations of Wild Woman (perhaps including the Morrigan) in meditation, and write poetry or make art dedicated to this archetype. However, these actions will have a very different intent behind them. Your Wild Woman altar is not a sacred space but a visual trigger to help you connect to the Wild Woman within you. Your meditations are conversations with different aspects of your own personality, not with a separate being. Your art is an expression of self, not a devotional act. The result is a deeper connection to yourself, not a relationship with another being.

I hope I’ve made it clear that archetype work and deity worship can both be very worthwhile spiritual practices, and that each serves its own purpose. Many pagans, myself included, work with both deities and archetypes.

There is some overlap between worshiping a deity and working with an archetype, and many pagans start out with one practice before eventually ending up in the other. Sometimes working with an archetype leads you to encounter a deity who embodies that archetype, which can lead to a relationship with that deity. Likewise, your relationship with a deity may help you become aware of a certain archetype’s influence in your life, which might lead you to work with that archetype.

Making First Contact

First impressions are important. This is true for making new friends, for job interviews, for first dates — and for your first meeting with a god or goddess. In many cases, the way you behave in your first meeting with a deity will set the tone for your relationship with them.

That being said, don’t overthink (or over-stress) about your first impression. You aren’t going to be cursed or punished if you mess this up — at the very worst, the deity might lose interest in connecting with you, and even that can often be remedied with an offering and a polite apology. While it’s always best to get off on the right foot, don’t feel like you need to be perfect.

So, how do you make a good first impression on a god or goddess? Honestly, the rules are largely the same for making a good first impression on any other person. Make sure your physical appearance is clean and tidy — some systems, such as Hellenismos and Kemetic paganism, have special rules for cleansing before contacting the gods, but it’s always a good idea to take a shower first and make sure you’re wearing clean clothes. Likewise, make sure the physical space you invite the gods into is relatively clean — it doesn’t need to be spotless, but take a minute to tidy up before beginning any ritual. Be polite — there’s no need to be overly formal, but you should be respectful. Don’t immediately ask for favors — how would you feel if you met someone at a party and they immediately asked you to do some sort of work for them?

Beyond the basics, it’s wise to make sure you have an idea of who this god is and what they are like before you reach out to them. This will keep you from accidentally doing something offensive. For example, you wouldn’t want to invite them to an altar dedicated to a deity they have a rivalry with. Likewise, you want to avoid offering food or drink that would have been taboo in their original worship. (Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but when you’re just starting out it’s a good idea to follow the historical framework as closely as possible.)

At the risk of sounding like a broken record: this is why research is so important. Knowing who you are dealing with allows you to deal with them respectfully, gracefully, and competently.

Callings

There’s one aspect of deity worship that is controversial in modern paganism: the idea of being “called” by a deity. This is a question you’ll find many, many heated discussions about online. Do you need to be called by a deity to form a relationship with them? Do deities choose their followers, or do we choose them? How do you know what a call from a deity even looks like?

As I said, this is a controversial topic, but I firmly believe that 1.) you do not have to feel called to a deity beyond being interested in them, and 2.) feeling drawn to a deity’s image, symbols, and myths is a form of calling.

Many pagans do feel like they were called or drawn to the deities they walk most closely with. They may have encountered myths of that deity as a child or teenager and deeply resonated with them, or may have always had an affinity for that god’s sacred animals. They may have dreamed of this deity before knowing who they were, or may have felt a spiritual presence around them before identifying it as a god or goddess.

Many people first encounter the gods in fiction, only for this fictionalized depiction to spark a deeper connection that eventually leads to worship. In the modern era, it’s entirely possible for someone who worships Loki to have first encountered him (or at least a character loosely based on him) in Marvel comics and films, or for someone who worships the Greek pantheon to have first discovered them through the Percy Jackson books. As far as I’m concerned, this is also a valid “call” from deity. The gods are very good at communicating with us through the means available — including fiction.

That being said, just because you don’t already feel a strong connection to a god or goddess doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t worship them. The connection will come with time and effort, just like in any relationship.

Dedication, Patrons, and Matrons

In online spaces such as Tumblr and TikTok, a lot of inexperienced pagans parrot the idea that every pagan needs to have a designated matron and/or patron god and/or needs to be formally dedicated to a god in order to have a close relationship with them. Not only is this untrue, but such restrictions can actually cause harm and/or stunt spiritual growth.

Let’s address dedication first. To be dedicated to a deity means to outwardly declare yourself a servant of that deity, usually with a formal dedication ritual — think of it as the pagan version of joining a convent or going to seminary. It is an outward expression of your devotion and loyalty to that deity. Dedicants are held to a higher standard than the average worshiper by themselves, their communities, and the god(s) they have dedicated to.

Dedication can be a powerful and fulfilling spiritual experience (it’s the backbone of many peoples’ spiritual practice), but it should not be taken lightly. Dedicating yourself to a god or goddess should be a sign of your commitment to them and a deepening of your relationship — it should not be the beginning of that relationship.

Dedication is a lot like marriage. Just like you wouldn’t marry someone you’ve only been on a handful of dates with, you shouldn’t dedicate to a deity just because you’ve had one or two positive experiences with them. Like marriages, dedication can be difficult to get out of — ending your dedication to a deity is possible, but it’s a messy, complicated, uncomfortable process that is sure to shift the foundation of your entire spiritual practice, and not always for the better.

My advice to new and inexperienced pagans is not to even consider dedication until you’ve been practicing for several years. As you begin your journey, your focus should be on exploring your options, forming meaningful connections, and developing a practice that works for you and your unique spiritual needs. Now is the time for experimentation, not lifelong commitments.

But let’s say you are an experienced pagan, and you feel like you are ready for dedication. How do you know if you should dedicate to a given god or goddess?

Dedication may be the logical next step in your relationship with a deity if:

This deity has been an active part of your spiritual practice for at least 2-3 years, with no major gaps in contact with them

You are comfortable upholding this deity’s values for the rest of your life — and are willing to face consequences if you fail to do so

You are willing to dedicate a significant amount of time and effort to the service of this deity

You are willing to face major changes in your life outside your spiritual practice — dedicating to a deity often leads to major shifts that may affect our career, family, and/or relationships

If you answered “yes” to all of the above, dedication may be appropriate. This may seem overly cautious, but remember that dedicating to a deity is a serious, lifelong commitment akin to joining the clergy. For context, it takes at least five years of study and practice to become a Catholic priest, a similar amount of time to become a Jewish rabbi, and three years to become a high priest/ess in Traditional Wicca. If you don’t have the patience to maintain a relationship for a few years before dedication, that is probably a good indicator that dedication isn’t for you.

If you are dedicated to a deity or are planning to dedicate, you may actually choose to attend seminary or receive some other formal religious training. This training will help you to better serve your deity in a public capacity, as you will learn skills like religious counselling, leading ritual, and building community. If your program of study includes ordination, it will also allow you to perform legally binding religious rituals like marriage ceremonies. Depending on your path, attending seminary or training may be your act of formal dedication.

Finally, let me make it clear that dedication does not make you a better pagan than someone who is not dedicated. The choice to dedicate or not dedicate is only one element of your spiritual practice, and it is possible to have a fulfilling and life-affirming practice without dedication. Some of the people who do the most work in the service of the gods are not dedicated to them. You may be one of these people, and that is totally okay.

Patron/matron relationships are a specific type of dedication.

The concept of patron deities comes from Wicca and related neopagan religions. As we’ve previously discussed, Wicca is a duotheistic system with a God and Goddess, whose union is the source of all creation. However, because Wiccans believe that all gods are manifestations of the God and all goddesses are manifestations of the Goddess, some covens choose to work with the God and Goddess in the form of other deities (say, for example, Osiris and Isis), which are referred to as the coven’s “patron” and “matron” deities. In these covens, initiation into the coven’s mysteries (traditionally in the form of first, second, and third degree initiations) typically acts as a form of dedication to these deities.

As Eclectic Wicca has gained popularity in the last few decades, there has been a growing trend of individual Wiccans and eclectic pagans choosing personal patron and/or matron deities. Some Wiccans will have a single god or goddess they are dedicated to, while others feel that it is very important to be dedicated to exactly one masculine deity and exactly one feminine deity. This second model is the one I see most often in online pagan spaces, especially Tumblr and TikTok.

The patron/matron model can be useful for some pagans, but it is not one-size-fits-all. As I mentioned, this model of dedication comes from Wicca, and is a very modern concept. In ancient pagan religions, most people would not have been dedicated in this way. That does not mean that this isn’t a valid form of worship (it absolutely is), but it does mean that those who practice reconstructionist paths may not be inclined to interact with deity this way.

The guidelines for patron/matron relationships are similar to the guidelines for dedication in general, but these relationships often (but not always) have a more parental nature. For some people, having a divine mother and/or father figure is ideal — especially for those who are healing from parental trauma or abuse. If you feel drawn to this type of deity relationship, I encourage you to explore it.

On the other hand, you may not have any interest in the patron/matron model, and that’s totally fine! It’s called polytheism for a reason — if you prefer to maintain less formal relationships with many gods, you should feel free to do so.

I hope this post has helped clarify some of the murkier aspects of polytheism and deity work. Obviously, this is only the tip of the iceberg — I could write a book about this topic and many, many authors already have. However, I think the information here is enough to get you started, and I hope that it will provide a first step on your journey with your gods.

Resources:

Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

The Spiral Dance by Starhawk

Where the Hawthorn Grows by Morgan Daimler

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith

Jessi Huntenburg (YouTuber), “Dancing with Deity | Discovering Gods, Goddesses, and Archetypes,” “Archetype, Deity, and Inviting Transpersonal Experience,” and “10 Ways to Bond with Deity”

Kelly-Ann Maddox (YouTuber), “How to Have Deep Connections with Deities”

[capricorn-stark]

Othello

pairing: jason todd x reader, reader is a psych major because i think the concept of psych majors in Gotham is funny lmao

warning: i wrote this at 1 am, kinda short, swearing

a/n: i got strong feelings towards Othello, The Catcher in the Rye, and Jason Todd, but this one’s for @tadpole-san smirk smirk smirk

part 2

You liked studying at Gotham University’s library for the ambience. 

Whether or not you got any actual “studying” done depended wholly on your mood and whatever being that may or may not have been watching you from above, but even if you somehow managed to procrastinate the entire time you were there, at least you could walk back to your dorm with the comforting fact that you had gotten in your cardio for the day. 

The place itself was gorgeous with its overarching ceilings, long hall lined with pillars supporting a seemingly endless array of books, the cozy golden glow of the lights, and the generally pleasant atmosphere provided by the myriads of students sitting around its tables and lounging on its couches. The entire campus was stunning - but it would only be surprising if it wasn’t thanks to the very generous grants from patrons of the Gotham elite, most notably people like Bruce Wayne.

You had a particular spot you liked near the edge of the library, in a little corner mostly surrounded by shelves with enough space for a few usually-unoccupied couches. Aside from you, the only regulars to sit there mainly just consisted of one other guy who recently had started to drop in every few days or so to listen to music and do his own work. You didn’t mind him - he never bothered you, and you both kept up your mutual solidarity towards maintaining a very comfortable silence.

That was, until one particular day.

“Is that Othello?” You glanced over the book in your hand and saw the guy’s startlingly green eyes gazing right at you over his dark-rimmed reading glasses. He wasn’t wearing his earbuds as per usual, so you figured your agonized sigh of boredom must’ve come out a little too loudly. 

“Yeah,” you finally answered, slowly lowering the book a little. “Unfortunately.” He cracked a slight grin at that.

“What, you’re not a fan of Shakespeare?” 

“I don’t hate him,” you started with a fairly nonchalant shrug, “I just think this book in particular is just kinda-”

“Boring as fuck?” he finished very eloquently, causing you to grin back despite yourself. 

“Yeah. Pretty much.” 

“I can agree with that,” he said with a nod towards the book. “Definitely not one of my favorites, that’s for sure. Good premise, dynamics were pretty interesting, but I couldn’t really get into it either.” The fact that he was discussing Shakespeare’s works in a way that suggested he had fully read the book (without wholly relying on CliffNotes) and that he did perhaps genuinely enjoy some of them suggested to you that he was probably an English major. “And Iago was a bitch-”

“I know!” you nearly exclaimed, throwing your hands up in very evident frustration. “Iago was shady as hell, and I don’t get how Othello never saw it coming from him. Like, no one can be that oblivious, come on. I wouldn’t have listened to him.” RIP to Othello, but you were different. 

He was actually laughing at that point, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“You and me both. You an English major?” You shook your head, holding up your Psychology Twelfth Edition textbook that had been resting on the table beside you.

“Psych.” He raised a brow and you inwardly sighed.

“Jeez - at GU? I’m impressed.” 

Being a psych student at your particular Gotham-based university was both a blessing and somewhat of a curse. The classes were phenomenal and your professors consisted of some of the best and most experienced in the nation - but that also came with the downside that the city you lived in had some of the biggest psychopaths and the largest insane asylum in the nation as well. 

Well, you win some, you lose some.

“It’s not that bad,” you tried to say, but the smirk playing at his lips proved that you weren’t convincing anyone. “Let me guess, you’re an English major.”

“What gave it away?” he deadpanned, chuckling regardless as he closed up his own book and extended a hand out. “Name’s Jason Todd. I’ve seen you around a lot, but we never really talked, huh?” You smiled as you reached out to shake his hand, introducing yourself as well.

“I guess not. You usually look like you’re pretty busy.”

“Something like that,” Jason grinned, leaning back against his chair and sliding off his glasses. Without them, the lights somehow gave them an almost glowing effect. “I figured you wouldn’t want me to bother you.”

Bantering over Shakespeare with a cute boy wasn’t exactly your definition of being bothered, so you shook your head.

“Believe me, that was a lot better than Othello was.”

You saw Jason at your spot again the next day, then the day after and the next, lounging across from your couch and always seeming rather out-of-place with his black leather jackets and ripped jeans, but a welcome sight to you nonetheless. And just like that, suddenly, your visits to the library weren’t just for the sake of cardio and the ambience anymore.

He was surprisingly amusing to talk to, whether it was complaining about more books for your respective English courses or just ranting to each other about the struggles of being a student at GU. It was easy to bond over things like getting your midterms interrupted by random threats from the likes of the Riddler, or arguing over whether or not the city’s latest vigilante, some guy named Red Hood, was actually cooler than Batman himself. 

He had been particularly passionate about that last debate.

Aside from being easy-going and annoyingly attractive, you also figured out that he was ridiculously smart, especially when it came to helping you with your English course. Whether it was explaining the deeper societal message behind a particular reading or helping you research topics for your thesis, Jason had a knack towards figuring out exactly the things you yourself seemed to struggle with. 

“How do you figure all of this out?” You asked one day out of sheer disbelief after he connected The Catcher in the Rye to themes of disillusionment about innocence and one’s childhood, and not just towards the protagonist, Holden, being an ass. “Seriously, I thought I was pretty decent with this stuff, but you blow me out of the water.”

He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, sliding off his reading glasses and setting it on top of the wooden table you were at. You had grown fond of the way they looked on him.

“It’s nothing special,” he dismissed in response, lifting his gaze from the book to fixate it back on you. “You do great by yourself, I just kinda give you a little push with my interpretations.” 

He did that a lot - downplaying the fact that he was actually smart as hell like it really was no big deal. The way your grades had started rising after he started helping you out proved otherwise, though.

“Still, thanks for helping me out,” you insisted, eliciting another slight smile from him. “It means a lot.” 

“Oh yeah?” His tone had gotten cheekier as he leaned closer to you. “How much is a lot?” 

“That’s up for you to decide,” you smirked, moving back and closing up your laptop. “Not me.” 

“You know, if you really wanted to thank me, you should get a coffee with me sometime.” 

“We get coffee together like every week,” you deadpanned and he sighed.

“Not like that. Like a date.” 

It hit you like a truck.

“A date,” you repeated, like you hadn’t heard him the first time. 

“Only if you were into that,” he added, trying to play it cool as he moved to pack his things into his bag. “I’m not working tonight, so I thought you might wanna give it a shot.” That was even more surprising, because he always happened to have a mysterious night shift going on. He never told you what exactly that was, aside from off-handedly mentioning something about motorcycles and Crime Alley every once in a while.

You were still letting it process. 

“...if you don’t want to-”

“No, no - that sounds great,” you interjected, already starting to smile. At the sight of it, he managed another grin himself, an evident hint of relief flashing across his face.

“Right. Yeah. Cool.” He cleared his throat and shot you another grin as he tossed his bag over his shoulder. “Let’s head out. And I’m telling you right now, I’m not letting your broke ass pay for it.”

“Jason!” you protested as he laughed and nudged your shoulder with his, making you join in despite yourself.

At least Othello had managed to lead you to one good thing.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.