#and i do actually enjoy talking to people but i'm just ridiculously scared about tonight and i can't get over it

[justinefrischmanngf]

I AM LOSING MY MIND WITH STRESS I HATE BEING AN ADULT WHO HAS A JOB THAT MEANS I NEED TO SOCIALISE I CAN'T DO THIS I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i'm normal now

[chloe-spade]

The Little Leeches Chapter 7: Fear

------

Floyd, Azul and Jade watched as many maids, butlers, and chefs work their way decorating the palace to a very unrecognizable sight. All of this in one morning.

"What is happening?" Floyd muttered, looking around.

"It's an engagement party." Icabeth said, walking past them.

"For who?" Azul asked.

"Trey, and I suppose it is also an engagement celebration between Riddle and Floyd. But considering Trey is older, he has to find someone to marry to be king."

"Is that a royalty law?" Floyd asked, completely bored and confused.

"It is. The older Royal is next in line for the throne." Icabeth explained."Trey is 18 now so he must get married, at least before he becomes 21."

She walks away, leaving the merfolk by themselves.

Azul immediately grabbed Jade and Floyd, quickly walking to Azul's room and waiting till some pass by so their conversation will not be eavesdroped.

"Oh this is not good.."Azul sighs, walking around the room."If this engagement party does on, Trey could pick someone."

"I think you underestimated Sea Turtle." Floyd looks over to Jade, who is heartbroken by the news."He shows huge love for Jade, giving him flowers! And the date? We shouldn't doubt Sea Turtle that easily."

"I suppose you are right. But I saw we remain vigilant when we attend."

Jade didn't like what he was hearing, with the idea Trey could find another potential suter was absolutely heartbreaking and terrifying in his mind, considering the week and 5 days came by so quickly.

"Now, I do believe we should be calm till the party commences. That will give us answers."

Jade and Floyd nodded.

------

Jade walks by the garden again, looking at the roses.

His mind has been in shambles since the announcement. He didn't know if he even wanted to attend, considering it meant his chances are very slim.

'How could I even compete with many others."He thought. 'Human people...and then there's..'

"Knew you be here, considering yesterday." Trey said, startling Jade. "So..you have heard about the party later,hmm?"

Jade sadly nodded.

"Don't pay mind to it. I know it's hard but let me say that I don't ever pick at those parties. I'm just simply not ready for a relationship until I find the right person, you know?" Trey laughs. "I know it does sound pretty ridiculous."

Jade shakes his head and smiles.

"You are very easy to talk to...not because you can't talk!"

Jade silently laughs at Trey's flustered face.

"I mean...you seem to listen and silently..make me feel very better about myself. Like how you enjoyed my cooking last week. That gleem in yours eyes was.. adorable."

Jade looks at Trey and holds his hand.

"You never make me feel bad about myself, Jade."He said."And I'm so happy I met you.."

Jade points at Trey and smiles.

"You too? That's fantastic."

A short silence occurred.

"I actually want to give you something. I had it personally made."

Trey reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small, purple shell necklace with Jade engraved in cursive. "For you."

Jade was more than just speechless, he just kept staring as a smile crept on his face. He carefully took it and examined it.

Trey chuckles."Glad you love it. Now let me put it on."

Jade nods and lets Trey put it on.

"As Prince Trey, I'll be happy to dance with you at the ball tonight. Will you accept?" Trey said with a dramatic bow, holding his hand up.

Jade smiles and holds his hand as he curtsy.

"Then it's settled. I'll see you tonight."

Trey walks away, leaving Jade with very pleasant thoughts.

-----

The bells of the palace rang throughout, many visitors arriving in carriages, talking amongst themselves.

Trey watches with a sour feeling in his gut, one that he generally couldn't describe.

"Nervous?" Asked Riddle, walking by.

"Was it too obvious?"

"Yes, you look like your about to barf everything out at once."

"Yep..ik definitely nervous."

"Royal suters aren't that good."

"It's not that I'm scared about."

"Hmm?"

"It's just...I already chose someone. And the reactions of Mother and Father..could destroy me." Trey explained. "And I know I'm ready for any consequences that came with my choice but..is it that bad if it's my choice?"

"Of course not. Mother has not let up to Floyd at all since he proposed. So I think she'll react the same..but I'm happy with my choices and you should as well. And she won't get in the way of our happiness..Father will make sure of that."

Trey chuckled at Riddle's slide remark.

"That's true."

Both have a small laugh.

"I'll take my leave. But remember what I said." Riddle said, walking away.

Trey nodded and looked over at the carriages again.

He saw faces to familiar to unrecognizable, but his eye caught two very unfamiliar people. A women and someone he could assume to be her mother.

A chill went down his back when he saw them, like a curse was spread across his body. Without a second thought, he walked away to the hallway making his way to the ballroom.

Azul was already there along with Riddle, speaking on whatever.

"Are you sure this is the night for him to pick Jade?"Azul asked as Trey walked past them.

"Yes, I'm very sure. And he already set on choosing Jade since...they met I suppose." Riddle answered

"I don't want to be very negative about this. But I have a feeling my aunt and cousin are going to do something to sabotage everything. I'm been very much in my toes this past week."

"I already asked the guards to keep a close eye on suspicious passerbys and I'll keep a closer eye as well."

"Thank you, your highness."

"Enough with formalities, Azul. I'm happy to just Riddle."

"Of course."

They watched as the guest started to enter and get some food and talk.

Floyd, holding Jade's hand happily walked down the stairs to Riddle and Azul.

"Tada!" He cheered."We're here!"

Both Azul and Riddle shushed him, looking around.

"Sorry..I'm just a little excited."

"Don't be that excited." Azul warned."Winifred and Amphitrite could be here at any moment."

Floyd and Jade tilted their heads at the name Amphitrite, confusion on their faces.

"Who?"

"My cousin.."

"And we know this now?" Floyd asked, panic finally setting in.

"Yes.. because Amphitrite will look for any prince to marry, whether it be from here or somewhere else, so one day they can live like queens..but... Winifred has different intentions. Her revenge on my family is to get my mother's shell, one of the most powerful items that existed. Mother got because of her magic responsibility. Winifred used it once..she caused a storm so horrible that it killed many. King Triton banished her down at the bottom of the ocean as punishment. It was supposed to keep her out of merfolk sight."

"Then why..."

"She uses Zephyr to pry on the weak. Like you, Floyd. She made sure Zephyr found a vulnerable person for her schemes, and if they don't finish their half of her bargains..they turn to..sea foam."

"What!? Are you saying...." Floyd gasped.

"She could...I don't have the heart to tell you when we got up. It broke my heart thinking of my friends would suffer that fate. I wished I did."

Floyd and Jade held him into a tight hug.

"It's ok, Azul...thank you for telling us now. You must be suffering with those thoughts all this time." Riddle said, patting his back.

"When you said Zephyr was there at the docks, I knew that Winifred was ready to sabotage you. Floyd was somehow..lucky."

"I was pretty lucky but now Jade isn't lucky. What if Sea Turtle.."

"Don't doubt Trey, Floyd. And please trust me, I'll make sure he'll ask."

"Alright.." Floyd sighs. "But hey! Lets enjoy the party!" He cheered, walking around.

"Nothing could stop him from yelling?"

"Don't worry, he'll tire himself out as soon as the party ends." Azul chuckles.

The party guest were walking in, with Julius and Icabeth greeting them as the entered.

Trey got that cursed feeling as he saw the women he saw earlier, he could sense one was staring. He looked over and saw Jade, listening to Floyd's babbling and found a escape plan from the gaze.

He immediately and carefully went over and took Jade's hand.

"You wouldn't mind if I borrowed your brother for a few minutes?" Trey asked, keeping Jade close by holding his hip.

"Of course, Sea Turtle." Floyd chuckles.

Trey took Jade to the dance floor, waiting for the music to start and started to dance.

Jade looked over at Trey, very confused but still happy regardless as they glided down the dance floor.

"Sorry about that, but I couldn't wait dancing with you. It's been on my mind since I asked in the gardens. And like I said before..you are a natural."

Jade silently giggles and puts his arms around Trey's neck.

"Hmm.."Azul sighs."We need something.."He looked outside and saw fireflies."Perfect."

He used his magic to dim the lights to where the moonlight brought a beautiful light, and Floyd, understanding Azul's plan, opened a nearby a window, letting beautiful fireflies in.

"And now.. watch the magic."

The moonlight shine against Trey and Jade and fireflies swarm around them.

Trey didn't know what happened but he internally thanked the person who ever did it. His eyes never left Jade's, watching a shy smile for on his face.

"You're absolutely beautiful under this moonlight.."he said silently, only Jade listening. "I don't ever want this to end. Dancing with the most beautiful man that I have came to see."

Jade blushes and nod towards Trey.

"Me? Handsome? You surely be joking with me, Jade."Trey chuckled, twirling Jade.

Azul, Riddle and Floyd watched and smiled at the romantic sight.

But something was wrong with Jade. He pace was now sluggish and he kept looking around around so nervously. Trey felt his hands shaking.

"Hey..are you nervous?" He asked.

Jade lets go and immediately walks away, close to running even.

He couldn't stop shaking, his body was shaking so badly that he had to sit down. He looked around where he was and he was by the beach where they first met.

Jade tries to breath, ignoring the many thoughts the clouded his head.

"Jade!!" Called Floyd."Oh my..."He ran over and held his twin close. "Are you ok!? Please tell me you're ok!!"

Jade nodded and rest against Floyd.

"I forgot you don't like people staring at you..it makes you nervous."

Jade smiles.

"But you were so amazing out there. You danced like a natural." Floyd complimented."I couldn't dance like that even if I tried."

Jade smiles and looks over at the sea.

"..I missed mom and dad.."Floyd said, looking out. "I wish I wasn't so stubborn towards them."

Jade wrote on the sand.

'Thats how you are, Floyd. Everyone knows that.'

"That's true.."

'And I know that's not all..what's really on your mind?'

"I dragged you into this..and now you'll be turned into Sea foam if you don't fall for Sea Turtle..I...I wish you didn't sign with me. You don't deserve to be turned to sea foam cause of my decision and my stubbornness. I don't want to lose you, Jade..." Tears were on his cheeks now."You are the brother..I can't lose you now."

Jade hugs Floyd tightly, shushing him.

"I love you, Jade.." he muttered.

Jade smiles and nods.

----

"Jade!" Called out Trey, looking around."Where is he?"

He continued to look around till a voice rang over, it was singing.

Trey follows the voice to see a small silhouette of a person, singing the song that Trey remembered well.

He went closer till his mind completely went blank.

"We'll have a perfect wedding,"laughed Amphitrite."Won't we, Trey?"

[literallyexploding]

(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)

[hoodieofholland]

Prove you something // Mob!Tom Smut

Summary: you get jealous over a meeting Tom have with another woman without your knowledge, and he has to prove you something.

Pairing: mob!tom x reader

Word count: ~4.5K

Warnings: smut (18+), fingering (f.), oral (f.), language.

A/n: I’m a sucker for mob!Tom, judge me, but these last contents we’ve been receiving for the past month are the blame. here we go again, enjoy.

Masterlist

****************************************************

As a mob, Tom had to deal with a lot of different people throughout his busy day. You were used to the meetings all the time, even when it was past afternoon, hiting the midnight. Patiently, you'd wait your turn to share some good time with your boyfriend, unless he wanted you to stay for the day, besides him, in the conference room.

Today was slightly different. Tom was held for hours in the conference room, talking business, while you distracted yourself with some other work. But by the time it was around 7p.m., you were bored enough to walk up the place, wanting to know when he'd be over.

Wearing your favorite pyjamas, you walked through the silent house, and just as approaching the conference room, you heard an unusual type of voice.

"Listen, Tom, I'm not here to discuss the shitty situation..."

It got your attention, made you stop in your tracks to hear better, all because it was a female voice. Normally, Tom would always meet with men, them being the mob leaders around London. Not a woman.

You tried to sneak around and see if there were another voice in the room, but as soon as you put your ear to the door's thick wood, Harrison came up behind your figure, making you jump.

"Holy shit!" You screamed in whispers. "Jesus, Harrison, you scared the hell out of me!"

Harrison didn't make any effort to cover his laughter, making you shush him.

"Sneaking around, uh?" He teased through laughters. "You know what Tom says about listening behind closed doors. Someday it might come back to you".

Trying to contain your madness, you cross your arms around your chest and snort. "It's meant for you guys, you idiot. He's not talking about his girlfriend".

"Are you really sure?", still holding his teasing smile, he tilts his head a little. Eyeing the door again, he pouted. "Why didn't he invite you tonight, then?"

"Said it was some small business and wouldn't take that long". You shrugged, though you knew it was bullshit. Tom had already been inside that fucking room for what seemed forever. It wasn't any small business talk, for what it matters.

"I can tell you that there's not small talking inside there" he pointed his chin in the room's direction. "Melissa is right there".

A little confused, but still not wanting to give your feelings away, you stay cool with your voice. "Who is Melissa?"

Harrison’s eyes narrowed and you can tell he had no idea you didn’t know about a single thing that was going on inside there.

“Melissa. The majoriest woman in this whole fucking city. She’s, like, the only female mobster leader in England”. The emphasis in his voice made you feel the message he wanted to deliver. You felt even somewhat a little weak, as if the weight of the presence of that woman could be sensed in your lungs.

Harrison quirked a brow, waiting for your answer, but you didn’t say nothing. Why was Tom lying to you? Why he didn’t want you to know that this woman was right inside the room with him?

“Is he alone there?” You questioned Haz, who shakes his head negatively.

“No, I was there a couple of minutes ago. Just grabbing a cup of tea”. He lifted the mug on his hand. “There’s also her guard or something. The chick is a bit... ugh”

You felt the weight again. “What the fuck does ugh means?!”

Harrison was about to explain, but seeing your exasperated reaction, he just smiled teasingly again. “I think someone is jealous”.

You puffed your cheeks out in frustration, wanting to tug on your hair, or maybe on Harrison’s.

“You’re being ridiculous” you tried your best to sound neutral about the fact that your boyfriend was inside a not very large room with a woman you didn’t know nothing about, but it was getting harder as Harrison seemed like having some fun torturing you.

“Don’t worry, y/n, that’s not what I meant” he chuckled softly and gave you a apologetic smile. “It’s just business, that’s all. You know Tom is far from being suspicious”.

You knew that very well, and if you were being honest, that was not your concern. That didn’t make you less jealous, though. Tom was the most faithful man you knew, not only with you, but with his mates. He could do anything for you and he surely had already proved that you’re the only woman in his life.

Anyways, the thought of that powerful woman inside the fucking room was driving you mad.

“I wanna go inside”, you stated, already turning on your heels. Harrison was quick to grab your wrist, trying to stop you from entering the room.

“Y/n, what the fuck, he doesn’t want to-“

But you were too fast. Yanking the door open, you hear a slight gasp coming from Harrison and the entire room goes silent.

The first thing you notice is Tom, who were crudely interrupted by you. He looked tense with the conversation, eyes heavy, shoulders rigid. His elbow was supported by the large desk in front of his chair, while he seemed to gesticulate with his hand whilst talking to the woman, Melissa. His gaze was directed on you, a questioning look on his features, which didn’t softened like it always did when he talked to you.

“Sorry, I told her-“ Harrison was quick to say, but Tom interrupted him.

“What took you so long?” Ignoring your presence, without changing a single word with you, Tom averted his eyes to Harrison, who came out behind you and sat back at his chair.

“She wanted to come” he answered quietly, unsure of what to say.

Tom looked at you once more, face serious, as he seemed to calculate what say next.

“Why don’t you go wait in the living room, y/n?”

You open your mouth, just to close it again immediately. You didn’t recognize the way Tom was talking to you, almost harshly.

"What, Thomas? You don't enjoy a good woman's company? C'mon, let the girl sit with us" Melissa, who you just had the worry to look at said, putting her long polished nails over her chin. She eyed you up and down before speaking again. "What a beautiful girl you have, by the way. You didn't tell me she was all of that".

Tom closed his eyes briefly, jaw clenching, as he sighed heavily in frustration. You knew he was getting mad, and though you still didn't know why, you made up your mind.

"I'm fine, gonna wait in the room. Sorry for-"

"It's alright", he shook his head and looked back to Melissa. "It was good talking to you, but I need time to figure it out before we decide anything", Tom stood up from his chair and waited until the woman did the same. "I'm going to have a talk with my men and then I call you back".

Melissa smiled, but you could see very clearly that it was nothing but a false smile. "I'll keep in touch".

Tom just nodded once and waited for Melissa to walk out of the room, guided by Harrison, who was equally tense as he made his way to the door. Before she exited the room, Melissa had an eye on you again, a tiny smile making its presence on her face.

You shivered, too aware of the dangerous and power Harrison told you she held, clear in the way she wasn't afraid to show she was staring at you.

When the doors were closed, you couldn't lift your gaze from the floor. However, it was possible to see Tom by the corner of your eyes and the way he was supporting both of his hands on the desk, staring so intently at you that you bet he could see your goosebumps.

"Now that you have my attention", he started, voice deep. "Won't you say what was so important that you couldn't wait 'til I was over?"

You didn't say anything, neither looked at him, frozen on your spot.

"I'm talking to you".

His stern act had you conflicted. He would always use it in bed with you, but never got so mad at something that you did. Something that you didn't even know what was all about.

"You were taking too long, so I wanted to see if everything was alright", you answered, keeping your voice loud and clear enough, not wanting to give him the impression that you were intimidated by his words.

Tom snorted. "That's bullshit. I've already been out until later than this and you stayed in our room".

You roll your eyes, voice cheating you as the irritation consumes your thoughts. "Well, in these nights you weren't with a girl inside here".

Tom's face changed and a brow arched as a trace of a smirk made its way to his face. You had lost your though posture and you knew it.

"Are you jealous?" He chuckles, incredulous, "Really?"

You snort, unfolding your arms. Looking relaxed is the last thing you seem to be able to do right now, but also you didn't want to sound so immature being jealous over nothing.

"No, I am not. I'm just mad that... that you didn't tell me who you were meeting with." You corrected him, though you were too aware it was pretty much a lie. With an unwanted whine, you continue "And why you didn't let me in this time? You see, you just left a whole amount of suspicious things to my imagination."

Tom narrows his eyes, a mix of curiosity and confusion evident on his face.

"You don't actually believe it yourself, do you?" He questioned, a suspicious tone in his voice. A bit ashamed, you glanced down and nodded two times.

"I mean, Harrison just told me she's the biggest woman in London, or some shit like that" you shrugged involuntarily and felt tired, as you started to realise how silly you must be sounding.

It was pretty obvious to you that none of that should matter. Actually, it never did. Tom never turned his head to another woman but you, since you met. He never talked about any other girl than you, and you could tell he bragged about how much of a "lucky motherfucker" he was, as Harrison started complaining about Tom's random rambling just the other day.

Tom had done nothing but adored you since the first time he called you darling. And now you were overreacting because of a common meeting of his.

Tom sighed heavily and offered you his hand. Looking at it for one second, you reach for him, and he brings you closer. "That's probably my fault".

You tilt your head, not understanding his point. Tom sits down back on his chair e mention for you to take a seat on his thigh.

"Don't get me wrong, darling. I let you come to meetings only if I'm one hundred percent sure there's no harm on that. When I'm with friends, not my enemies" he caress two slender fingers through your cheek and you almost close your eyes in please, if it wasn't for his deep stare, full of concern and comprehension. "That woman is nothing but trouble for me and my men. She doesn't like us, I don't like her, but, apparently, one of my man messed up with one of her best one, so I was trying to settle everything down before one of us start a fucking fight about it. Obviously, she hates me and every single one of my mates, and that's why I didn't want you here today. My most important job is to keep you safe, y/n. I've already dragged you too far into this mess, I can't expose you even more."

By the look in his eyes, anyone could tell how Tom meant it. He worried about you and your protection had become a topic of discussions too much for your liking.

He shifts his position, making it more comfortable for you, hand resting in your cheek. His expression earned an even more stern look, almost in pain as he looked deeper in your eyes.

"Do you really think that you should worry about Melissa?" He asks, voice low and soft.

You didn't answer right away. Instead, you tugged at his white plain shirt's collar, breathing slowly as you tried to manifest more of your composure than before.

"A little" you confess, shrugging slightly as if it wasn't that big of a deal. But for Tom, it surely was.

"Darling... why would you be jealous over that woman?" The pad of his index finger touched in the slightest move your bottom lip, tracing delicate paths over it. "Why would you ever be jealous over any woman? You know I love you". He looked up once again, a brow arching as he seemed to doubt his own conviction. "Don't you know?"

You shake your head yes and bite your lip. "Of course I do".

"Then why did you have something in your imagination?"

You sigh quietly. "Yeah, it was silly", taking his free hand and in yours, you play with his fingers, trying to hide your embarrassment. "I'm sorry-"

"It's alright, love", he gives you a small yet sweet smile. "You see, I get jealous all the time. Much more than you do. Think it's fair enough".

You giggle. "Yes, you do. I hate that and did the same. Sorry".

Tom shakes his head and brings his face closer to yours, planting a soft kiss in the corner of your mouth. "What a silly little girl you are. How would you ever think I'd ever have eyes for another girl, when I've got the prettiest with me?"

You release a breathe, your grip at Tom's shirt stronger, pulling him closer. "You'd be really dumb if you did, yeah."

Tom smiles in your mouth and you do as well. "Guess I haven't been showing my girl how much I appreciate her properly lately" he whispers, heading his lips along your jaw, to chase a soft spot on your neck. "Tell me, love, would you like to feel it?" His low and seductive words sent a shiver right through your spine, making you release a quiet moan in anticipation.

"Do you want to feel how much I adore you?" He breaths in your neck, smelling your sweet scent, as carefully grabs your thighs to get you to straddle his lap. "How much I adore your pretty little moans and whines? Those wonderful sounds you make just for me?"

You nod yes, adjusting your position on Tom's lap, rubbing against his crotch on accident and feeling he grunt with the contact.

"Use your words, my love. Need to hear you". He insists, running both his hands to your ass, grabbing each cheek firmly. When you whine a timid 'yes', he smirks against your smooth skin. "Always so eager for me", with precise movements, he guides your hips to meet his, creating a perfect friction between both of you. You could feel his hard against your pulsing center, claiming for more.

Tom lets out a struggled sigh, as if he was holding himself back when feeling your center pressing against him. "See? Only you can make me this hard".

You gulp, trying to catch your breath as your hands make its way to his trousers, but Tom is quick to deny it and stop you. "No, pretty girl. As much as I'm aching to feel you right now, I need to prove you something" he smirks playfully. His right hand releases your bum and goes to your front, making a smooth path in his way to your breast. He put your hard nipples between two fingers, pulling it softly. You moan and move your hips over his lap. Tom's jaw tenses up. "Fuck, darling". He presses his hand firmly on your hip to settle you down, as you smile apologetic.

"Need you, Tom". You whine, arching your back so you were even closer to him.

"Yeah?" He smirks, hand going back to work, sliding inside your pyjamas' short. Tom's brows arch in surprise. "No panties?"

You bite your lip. "When I came down here, I was thinking that maybe we could do something. After you were done".

He chuckled a bit, his cocky smile showing off. "So you were planning on getting fucked in my office?" You only nod once, feeling your center pulse and your cheek heat up. "You dirty, dirty girl".

Tom reaches your pulsing core, a single digit sliding through your wet folds. "God, baby, you're so wet". You moan, letting your weight loose on top of Tom, whose strong arms could handle it. "I barely touched you".

"Stop teasing me, Tom" you claim, eyes closed, as you feel he was threatening to enter two fingers inside you, but collecting them all together again.

"Darling, I think you shouldn't have a word about anything today" he says calmly. "After all, you interrupted my meeting, messed my work up. All because you couldn't wait to get fucked. Do you think you were good, y/n?"

You swallow hard, voice trembling. "N-no".

Tom smiles satisfied. "Yes. Now, though you don't deserve any of that, I'm a man of my word, and I said I was going to show you what my girl is worth of". He gesticulates briefly and you have to take a few seconds to understand he wants you to get up.

You do so, waiting until he gets up too. Confused, you stare at him, who cups your face, kissing the tip of your nose.

"I want you to sit in my chair". He murmurs and you can't help the surprise in your face.

"Why's that?" You frown and he only gestures his head to the chair again. With no other choice, you find yourself doing as you were told.

It was a strange feeling, the soft material of his chair against the bare skin of your exposed leg, where your thin shorts couldn't reach. Strange, because nobody would ever sit on Tom's chair. It wasn't exactly a rule, but everyone did better than risking taking what was his, and that being the biggest and most imposing chair in the conference room, only he could sit there. And maybe that's what entertained him that moment, the sight of you in a place that held so much power as that chair.

It took a good few seconds for you to relax there, and Tom didn't take his eyes from you the whole time. Staring, he would lick his lips, arms crossed over his chest, making his muscular arms very visible for you.

"You know, you could do this. I can picture you sitting here, making demands", he says, as if he was deep in thoughts moments ago, approaching you with hungry eyes. He puts his hands over the chairs' arm rest and lean in you, smiling.

You feel your heart race and try to correct your breathing. "Really?" You arch a brow incredulously. "Don't think I could be so tough".

"You learn this with time, darling", he reassures you, "But I think we'd have to manage who'd be in charge from time to time. I can share it with you, but not give it all. Would you like that?" You knew that by this time he wasn't talking about the mob.

With a charming smile, Tom gets down on both knees and puts his hands in yours. "Yeah, I think", you say in a whisper, too concentrated in his actions to say otherwise or anything else.

"Mmm. You're such a delicate angel", he opens your legs slowly, grabbing the back of your knee to pull you in to him. You gasp in surprise, holding the arm rest to keep yourself steady. "I imagine how you'd look like taking control. Perfect, I know".

It was a sight to see, a powerful man like Tom on his knees, a position you never thought you'd see him at. He looked like he was at your mercy, under your control, just as if he was there to please you, though he still did take the command.

"Tom, please", you whine, not giving a care about sounding desperate anymore.

"Patient, my love. Wanna take my sweet time with you", he pats your leg so you can lift your hips to help him take off your shorts. "Cause that's what I appreciate doing with you. Take every single part of you, make you mine. Slowly". He brings you closer and you pant when he kisses the inner of your thigh, eyes never leaving yours. "Take care of my girl, as she deserves".

You feel yourself growing anxious as you tried to stay still when he brought his lips up to your core. "You smell so good, love. Can't wait to taste it". His lips make no hurry to reach your folds, hot breath hitting your aching center. He looks up at you, wicked smile, as his mouth hover you, teasing.

By this time, you’re already dripping, walls clenching around nothing for the expectation. Finally, you felt Tom's lips connecting with your pussy lips, skillful tongue smoothly licking your arousal, spreading it all over your core.

He put his tongue inside of you, tasting it, adoring the way you'd roll your eyes back with pleasure. "Sweet as fucking candy". He murmurs with his mouth against you, causing vibrations all over your cunt.

You moan when he flicks his tongue over your bud, and tug at his hair. The reaction comes right away and Tom moans against you, putting one of his fingers inside you, but not deep enough, waiting for you to adjust as your walls stretched deliciously. "Can feel you swallowing my finger, baby. You want me?”

"Tom", you whine, arching your back as Tom pushes his fingers deeper inside you. "Please. Gimme more".

"You want more, sweet girl?" Tom smirks, entering you as much as he could, adding a second finger to your pulsing core. You felt the cold of his silver ring against your hot skin, causing you to have goosebumps. Feeling you clench around him, Tom started fingering you, hands precisely moving to stuff you in the most raving way. He took his pace, fast enough to the sound of your wetness fill up the room.

He laps your bud once again, repeatedly, catching it between his lips once in a while and sucking, making you release a loud moan.

You tugged harder in his curls and that's when he realized you were close. "My beautiful girl is close? Can feel you clenching, baby."

You nod once, trying to catch your breath as your hips rock against his fingers. Tom took them out and you almost pulled his hair for that, but he soon replaced it with his firm tongue. "C'mon, darling, fuck yourself on my tongue".

You did so, not caring about your messed movements or your loud noises. Tom was right there, holding you hip down with one hand to keep you steady and stimulating your clit with his thumb with another. It was the most beautiful sight you could have and you were on the verge of your edge.

"You're- fuck, so fucking hot, Tom" you cry out, head falling back. "Shit! 'M close"

Tom started to fuck his tongue inside you again. Your toes curl, your belly burns and your heart couldn't beat faster. Tom grabbed the back of your legs and abruptly brought you closer to his face, keeping his tongue firm and thumb working on your bud. He replaced it with his two wet fingers for a moment, just to speak to you and coax your orgasm. “Look at you, baby, so, so beautiful when you’re coming. Fuck, wish they all could see what a pretty and dirty girl I’ve got right here, angel”.

You moan and Tom can tell you’re about to lose it, putting his tongue back to work. "That's it, love, cum on my tongue, make a sweet mess on my face".

You couldn't hold back anymore. Your whole body felt like sparkles, as you tightened your grip on Tom's hair, chest panting, muscles rigid, voice coming out as the loudest moan of your night. It’s all about you now, what you feel. Tom is right there, holding you, controlling your body squirming with his strong hands.

Tom helps you ride out your orgasm, tongue and fingers never leaving you. His noise bumped into your clit as he seemed to enjoy licking your juices, face still lost between your legs. But when you finally saw him again, you thought you could have another orgasm just from the look on his face.

"Fuck", you pant, still trying to catch your breath. "You're- you're all covered-"

Before you could even finish, Tom got up from his knees and took your face in between his hands, capturing your lips on his. The kiss was messy, clashing tongues and teeth, but it was all pleasure. You could taste yourself, take what Tom had left on his lips. It was sweet - a mix of both of you.

"You're a fucking mess right now" you tell him, a slight giggle coming out of your dry throat, wiping some of the wetness from his chin.

"I know", he smiles back at you, pecking your lips once more. He catches the fingers you used to clean his face and leads it to him mouth, sucking on them gently. "Proudly. Who else in this fucking world can have the pleasure of being a mess with your cum, eh?"

You shove his shoulders playfully and spin the chair. "Well, I think I could truly run things here. Feel very powerful now".

Tom puts his hand on the back of the chair to stop it from moving. "That's because you had me between your legs just a few seconds ago, love", he smirks "But I think we can manage that".

You get up from the chair and put your hands on the collar of his shirt, gripping it between your fingers. "Good", you look up at him, smiling devilishly. "First thing, though, I remember you were here to prove me something".

"Oh, darling" he chuckled darkly. "We surely are not finished yet".

[mrspanky]

I'm not really sure how long these are meant to be. "Right, I'm pretty sure that's called trauma".

Trauma Bonding, (a Jason Todd x Reader)

Warnings: Language.

Genre: Fluff/angst/comedy/romance

Authors note: This prompt is perfect, thank you @aethers-stuff ! Sorry it took me so long to write! I hope you like it. ♡(: _______________________________________________

Dick watched you two from the kitchen.

Jason was seated on one end of his livingroom couch and you on the other. You were talking loudly, gesturing with your hands so much that you looked like Italians at a family gathering. You were both exceptionally expressive and extroverted people on your own, so when you got together, the room's volume was always raised a noticeable few notches.

It was endearing, but a real headache when it went on for too long.

Dick massaged his temple. An extrovert himself, he felt the need to jump into the conversation, but he knew better. You and Jason would simply not shut up long enough for him to get a word in when you were both really on a roll, and Dick didn't feel like expelling that much energy. Plus, he was curious to see where this would end.

“...That’s ridiculous Jason”.

You crossed your arms.

“There is no way in hell you're dying your white streak black.”

He raised his hand from the couch armrest in exasperation.

“I wasn't even asking you.”

You arched an eyebrow.

“You should've been. The white streak stays. It's your trademark. If you're concerned about me being right, I dare you to ask everyone to vote.”

“Hon, I am not in the practice of asking people if I can or can't do things.”

“Luckily, you never ask me my opinion so you don't have to worry about breaking your pattern just yet.”

“...You never keep it to yourself, so why would I even bother”.

Dick shook his head. You were like an old, emotionally constipated couple and it was amusing to observe.

“Just kiss already”, he said under his breath.

You turned your head towards the kitchen, hearing him faintly, but almost unintelligibly.

“Dick, did you say something? Sorry, we're arguing here, I hope we're not too obnoxious”.

“Hey don’t throw me under the bus with you, I was just trying to have a moment of quiet meaningless thought when you started playing hair cop,” Jason quipped.

“Hush.”

“Right back at you”.

“-Both of you shut up for a minute. I didn't say anything”.

Dick rolled his eyes.

“However, we do have patrol in an hour, and Bruce sent me some weird instructions.”

“Weird how?”

You tilted your head in curiosity.

Jason glanced at you, and huffed a little. He couldn't help himself. Despite himself, he found you really endearing. Especially in moments like this when your lips were pouted in confusion and....”.

Dick snapped Jason out of his brain fog.

“Jay. Buddy. Try to pay attention.”

“Wasn't not doing that,” he grumbled.

“Then what did I just say.”

The two brothers shared a childish battle of glares.

“...fine, you made your point. I was dreaming about this whisky I saw in the manor the other day”, he lied.

“Ok. Very in character, Jason. Now, the mission is-”

“...looked decadent. It was really old and had this fancy label on it that-”

“...Guys. I can hear you from the other room”, Tim walked in looking miffed.

There was a pause as all three of the human boom-boxes stared blankly at the intruder.

“...you’re a detective, Tim”, Jason deadpanned.

“Ugh, Jason...that’s not the... just shut up.”

Tim pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“Did you all get the mission briefing?”

“Somehow, Jason didn't”, Dick fumed.

“Alright, fine. Basically, Jason, you, and Y/n are staying back tonight because you're the only ones who haven't been seen yet in the city, and Bruce wants to save you guys for an undercover mission next week”.

“What?!”

You both looked at each other in disgust.

“I'm not working for the bat anymore!”

“Yeah, and I've never even started to work for him! He can't just expect us to be at his disposal and then bench us!”

“Guys, relax. He's just doing this so you can have a better element of surprise later. You're both really valuable, ” Dick reasoned.

You and Jason paused, your egos begrudgingly satisfied.

“...fine”.

“Fine”.

“Good. Ok. So everyone suit up”, the oldest brother concluded.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Jason was irritated.

He found you interesting. Really interesting. Usually, he dealt with his fear of vulnerability by acting too unbothered to care, but you intrigued him so much that he struggled to keep his mouth shut around you. He was afraid to get too close to you; he would lose you eventually like everyone else.

But, he knew so little about you, despite all of the banter. A talent you both possessed, was chattering without disclosing any actual information. You had only met each other two months ago, and usually it would take both of you longer to warm up to a new person, but there was just a feeling. You were kindred spirits. He wanted to learn more about you, despite himself.

“So what brought you here”.

“Here as in what brought me to dress up and punch criminals as a nightly routine, or as in what brought me to be in an alliance with Bruce Wayne that I'm now regretting?”

There it was. Those were the kind of responses that made Jason feel just enough on his toes to be uncharacteristically comfortable with you.

“Take your pick I guess.”

“Bruce Wayne it is then. I'm not really a fan of my life story”.

“Ttt, ” Jason laughed, taking a page from his youngest brother’s book.

“I'm kind of an accidental friend of Dick’s. We met first at the Bludhaven police station, I was there for...pfft...I was just there, ” You paused with a laugh.

“He helped me out, and we didn't see each other again until he ended up working with me anonymously for info on a case as Nightwing years later. We both just figured out each other's identities and he brought me on a mission once where I met Bruce. And Bruce is a convincing prick so now here I am, somehow under his command”.

“Sounds about right. So when do we kiss?”

Great. Now he sounded like an asshole.

Jason looked at you, gauging to see what your reaction would be. He’d half said that last part by accident, but now that he’d acted out of impulse he knew he couldn’t take it back.

“-What?”

“When do we kiss? You heard Dick”.

He was really committing to his blunder now.

“Yes, and I ignored him and smoothly got him to change the subject. Besides. You're not my type”, you lied.

Jason was in fact, exactly your type.

“What is your type?”

“Shit”, you thought.

“Hmm. I like people who I can chase that don't actually like me, and then I eventually get to give up. It makes it easier”.

You admitted this in a tongue-in-cheek manner, but you weren't really kidding. Something about Jason’s persistence made you want to open up, despite your usual habitual wall-building.

“You're like a fucking mirror; you know that?” Jason laughed.

He knew you weren’t kidding because he’d said things along those lines millions of times.

“Your point, Mr. Therapist? People hurt people. I kind of prefer to enjoy relationships from a distance at best”.

“Right, I'm pretty sure that's called trauma”.

“Call it what you will, but it's a good way of not getting even more mentally busted up than an already fucked vigilante”, you grinned.

“Nice.” he smirked.

“You sound as dumb as me”.

“That’s a little low don’t you think? I’m only half as dumb as you at most, but yeah. Fine. We share some things”.

“What’s that supposed to mean Princess,” he smiled.

He felt himself get exited a little. What you had just said made it sound like you felt you two were similar just as he did.

“That I think we’re both stupid people that have really stubborn hearts that get us into trouble”.

Your heart was beating so fast. You hadn’t meant to say that much.

“Now who’s the therapist”, he said in a low voice.

He leaned in closer to you a little, testing the waters to see if you were just being a little cautious, or if you actually weren’t comfortable. He felt like you were just being scared like he always was deep down, but he didn’t want to push you if it was only going to cause you both more pain.

He was a little scared too. You scared him. Not just because you were powerful and beautiful, but because he actually liked you. He wasn’t used to that. But he knew himself, and when Jason Todd does something, he can’t do it half way. If you were in this too, he knew he’d do anything for you, and that was terrifyingly vulnerable.

As he leaned in, your breath caught.

“Fuck”, you thought.

His eyes were stunning.

You hadn’t let yourself notice how much until now.

“Jason…”

“...Todd why are you about to taint Y/n”.

Jason spun around.

“Damian!” you yelled.

The small Wayne was standing in the doorway.

“Shortstack, you are too young to be using a fancy word like taint”, Jason recovered.

Tim and Dick emerged behind Damian in the doorway.

“What’s going on?” Tim asked.

“Todd was just about to be disgusting with Y/n in front of all of us”, Damian smirked, crossing his arms.

He knew he just set up Dick to take a fit.

The oldest brother was not pleased.

“Jason, really? Damian is right here and you didn’t think to chill?”

Jason rolled his eyes.

“We didn’t do anything Dicky. The kid here is being a drama queen. The only thing he walked in on us doing was some good old fashioned arguing”.

Jason knew he was making himself look like a major...well...dick, but he knew you wouldn’t want to commit to the family knowing about anything that might be going on between you two, however small just yet.

Dick rolled his eyes, and the three brothers walked in the doorway and into the kitchen to get water. You and Jason were always an entertaining spectacle for sure, but patrol was tiring, and they all needed to cool down.

Jason looked back to you. You were looking at your feet with your arms crossed and a barely contained smile on your face.

“The kid has good timing,” he huffed with a laugh.

“Oh fantastic”, you gazed at him, laughing back quietly.

“So, you want to talk some more about trauma?” He asked in a playful, but matter of fact tone.

“Maybe sometime, Red,” you smiled.

You turned and walked away.

“She’s gonna make me work for this”, he thought.

It had been so long since either of you had met your match, and you both were going to thoroughly enjoy this.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 12

A/N - Finally an update!! i promise to not leave it as long for the next part.

Please like/comment/reblog, it gives me incentive to write quicker if i know people are actually enjoying my madness 💕

"You okay?" Chris asked suddenly making me jump, i thought he was asleep! He was currently wrapped around me acting as the big spoon.

"Jesus christ! You scared the crap outta me!" I chuckled quietly feeling stupid that he made me jump so bad.

"Sorry dahlin" he chuckled close to my ear "but are you okay?".

"Yeah just can't sleep, I've got so much going through my head i can't switch off"

"Its not because you're in here with me is it?"

"No of course not, this is actually just what i needed. I've missed laying in your arms...." I had caved and agreed to stay in Chris's room tonight, no funny business just sleeping. I felt Chris smile before pressing a kiss to my neck.

"I've missed this too. So what exactly is it keeping you awake beautiful? Talk to me..."

"Honestly? The whole thing with Brian.... how did he find me here??".

"I have no idea, but its very creepy!.... then again we shouldn't really be surprised, he had a habit of always knowing where you were. I got bad vibes off that guy the second i saw him".

We had called the police to report Brian but they couldn't do much about it as he technically hadn't done anything wrong, they said to call them again if we saw him around anymore.

"I don't understand why he's doing this! Its not like i led him on or anything, I've never shown that man any interest. I barely even talk to the guy!"

"He's clearly unstable"

"It scares me Chris...."

"Hey, i won't let him hurt you.... i already warned him to stay away...." Chris said through gritted teeth.

"What?...."

"It doesn't matter...."

I turned in his arms so i was now facing him "yes it does, what do you mean you warned him to stay away?"

"The day Scott and I came to get you and Mason to bring you here, you remember how he kept going on about where you were going and when you were coming back....then he asked you to dinner?"

"Oh yeah, you kinda snapped"

"Yeah.....I told him nicely to stay away from my family, that you were unavailable and uninterested.... that he should move on. I said if i found out he was harassing you still id make his life hell" he looked a little sheepish as he confessed to what had been said between the two of them.

"Well I'm guessing he didn't like to be told to stay away huh?"

"Apparently not. But lets not worry about  him right now, you need to sleep"

"Ive been trying...."

"Come here" Chris said and rolled onto his back pulling me close until i was laying with my head on his chest, his hand stroking up and down my back. Back strokes were my weakness and he knew it! "You'll be asleep in no time" he mumbled pressing a kiss to the top of my head. And he was right, with the steady thumping of his heart and his fingers stroking my back i was a goner.

I woke up alone, the bed already cold meaning Chris had been gone for a while. I reached for my phone on the bedside cabinet, it was nearly 10am!! I quickly got up and headed to the bathroom to pee and check how bad i looked. Once i was done i headed downstairs to find Chris, Mason and Scott.

"Hey" Chris smiled at me as i entered the kitchen, he was sat at the dining room table in front of his laptop.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked too peaceful, besides you didn't get to sleep til late"

I nodded walking over to kiss him "thank you" i smiled running my hand over his bearded jaw "you're the best".

Chris pulled me down into his lap and deepened the kiss until i had to pull back enough to catch my breath and we both laughed.

"Where's Mason?"

"Walking Dodger with Scott, i gave him breakfast and helped him get dressed before they left"

"He wasn't any trouble was he?"

"Not at all. He's like the best behaved kid I've ever met"

"He has his moments don't be fooled" i chuckled thinking back to some tantrums id witnessed over the years.

"I don't believe you, that kid is an angel"

"You just wait and see Evans" i laughed before getting up and walking into the kitchen so i could get a coffee and some toast.

"So um, I've got to do an online interview tonight with Jimmy Fallon" Chris followed me into the kitchen.

"Okay" i nodded.

"I just thought id let you know i'll have to disappear for a while"

"Thats fine, Mason will probably be in bed by then and i'll just stay in the living room watching a movie with Scott"

"Now i feel left out" he pouted.

Later that day we all went outback and played some Wiffle Ball to pass the time, Chris and Scott getting competitive again.

"Mom I'm tired" Mason said wrapping his arms around my waist and cuddling up against me.

"You wanna go take a nap before dinner buddy?"

"Yeah"

"Come on then" i picked him up and he rested his head on my shoulder "guys Mason needs a nap, i think you've worn him out"

"I think i need a nap too!" Scott laughed.

"Well I'm gonna make a start on dinner, you have time for a nap if you wanna"

Walking back up to the house i started struggling with Mason, he was getting too big for me to carry around now! My baby was growing up too fast!

"You want me to take him?" Chris suddenly asked, i nodded and come to a stop before passing a sleeping Mason over to Chris.

"Thanks, he's getting heavy" i said sadly.

"No problem"

"I hate that he's getting too big for me to carry him when he's tired"

"I know but its okay, I'm here to help now"

"Who's gonna carry me? Im exhausted!" Scott added making us laugh quietly so we didn't wake Mason.

The evening flew by, we all had dinner then sat and watched Toy Story with Mason. When it came to bedtime Mason insisted that Chris read him a story and of course he couldn't say no. Once he was asleep Chris headed to his office to get ready for his interview while Scott and I headed to the living room to find a movie to watch.

"Sooooo....." Scott said dragging it out to sound scandalous as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"What?"

"What?.... don't you what me Missy! I know you spent the night with Chris! So come on spill the tea sister!"

"You're ridiculous you know that?" I rolled my eyes at him and laughed at how comical he looked right now.

"Like i care" he shrugged "come on! Tell me what happened"

"Sorry to disappoint but nothing happened we just slept"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we're taking things slow"

"And who's decision was that?"

"We both said we don't wanna rush it"

"But you suggested it right?..... hey I'm not judging you for that" he quickly added when he saw me look away sadly.

"You're scared you're gonna get hurt again aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you be? I just wanna make sure we're gonna be okay, that its more than just sex. We were always good at that, the emotional stuff.... not so much"

We were halfway through the movie when Chris rushed in asking Scott to join him for a game that Jimmy Fallon wanted them to do.

"Really? I can't just leave Y/N on her own....."

"Go i'll be fine" i chuckled.

"Sorry dahlin, i hate leaving you on your own.... we wont be long though 15/20 minutes tops.

"Go do what you gotta do, I'm fine here watching this" i nodded to the TV.

While they were off doing the interview

I texted my mom and Hannah to check in, they were doing good all things considered. I quickly settled back in to watch the rest of the movie but was interrupted again by multiple message alerts on my phone. I looked to see it was Hannah blowing up my phone.

When i opened the thread i gasped, my heart was racing so fast.... i felt sick as my eyes landed on one thing in particular....... the headline!

"CHRIS EVANS HAS A SECRET FAMILY!"

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave @jakiki94 @torntaltos @my-dearest-agent @ms-betsy-fangirl

If your name is crossed out i couldnt tag you.

[cherry-ber]

“You notice how wine makes people wanna feel, like sexy?”

Pairing: idol! Mark Lee x female reader

Plot: Lonesome creeps into everyone's mind, even those who seem to have it all.

Genre: fluff mostly, angst.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, extremely painful for me to write this since I feel lonely idk if that triggers you too.

A.N: inspired by the first draft of too drunk to fuck and my bff's dependence of wine to exist 😳 this took me 10 hours to write but it might still be pretty shit. And yeah Clueless some how

After a long, long week of continuous recordings, dance practices, re-recordings and photo sessions, all he wanted to do, was sleep for twenty hours straight. He knew that he was a very lucky man, he was really living the dream. Not everyone was able to do what they loved, with people they genuinely liked, and still get payed for it, but he was. He had always been grateful, he knew the real value of things in real life, and sometimes he felt like he didn't even deserve it.

An insane amount of people knew his name, knew him, and constantly made sure that he knew how appreciated he was, but he couldn’t understand it at all. Sure, he proved himself over and over again how great he could be, and he was proud too, but why did people really loved him? Sometimes it's easy to lose yourself, but lately he was struggling even more, he felt lost and unworthy, he felt guilty, even, because he shouldn't feel this way.

Mark was home alone, after his friends went out to have dinner and drinks. He excused himself out of the reunion saying that he would call his parents and then heading straight to the bed. He wasn't lying at all, he did have a small call with his family, and then went to his room, expecting that he'd fall asleep soon and forget about what he was feeling, he was done with that for today.

He played a movie in his computer, knowing that whatever it was, he wasn't paying attention anyway. He hated to admit it, but he felt like he was missing something, rather, someone. He felt ridiculous, knowing how much people loved him, how many friends he had, but he couldn’t help it, he would be lying if he didn't say he could use a little company. Mark was busy most of the time, which, although tiring, was an escape from his loneliness, it was moments like this where he'd have enough time to sink in this small puddle of angsty feelings, that just grew until it was as big as an ocean. He couldn't explain why he felt so bad, he had enough friends to count on, and even when he considered he was only in need of a physical affect, it turned out to not be the answer, even when he masturbated, when he was finished, those feelings were still there. As the movie went on without him noticing, he turned his head to the side, and imagined someone next to him, wearing his clothes and stealing his blanket. He giggles, imagining cuddling someone to sleep, their heat making him feel home. He finally closes his tired eyes with a smile, hoping his dreams will be sweet and last long.

He wakes up in a bad mood, and doesn't really want to talk to anyone, his older friends notice, and decide to let him be, they know that if something is really wrong, he'll come to them eventually. After a quick shower, he decided he needed some privacy, some time alone, despite being scared of being stuck with himself, and went out on his own, ignoring the texts on the group chat, where everyone wondered where he was going. He had breakfast in a small Cafe, went to a movie matinee, an art gallery, a theater play, and then to a mall to buy himself expensive clothes. He had an okay day, and he grew a little bit of joy, finding himself alone and still almost enjoying his time, but mostly, ignoring his mind when he saw a couple, and wished he could have that too. He enters a restaurant, intending to order something take out for his friends, as an apology for being moody and worrying them. He waits stand up next to the door, with a cup of coffee they offered him, until he suddenly turns around after hearing his order being ready, and ceashes with someone as he does. He spilled his drink over his and their clothes. He starts apologizing, but all he gets as a response is a soft, sweet giggle. He looks to the stranger's face, and is met with a fond smile.

“It's okay, go get your food, I can fix myself”

He's caught off guard, and all he can do is shake his head yes and do as he is told, coming back to them, apologizing again.

“I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry” he's totally embarrassed, and he feels a blush running through his face.

“It's alright, it wasn't your fault”

The stranger walks inside to take a table, and he rushes out, walking back home. That giggle makes its way to his mind a couple times as he arrives.

After eating, he goes to bed, feeling somehow full with himself, but he doesn't know if it was after forcing himself to like him, or if he was so desperate for someone that a small interaction like that would get him sleepless thinking this person would be his person.

On that same week, he founds himself running into that same stranger everywhere. When he goes get coffee with his friends, when they go to buy groceries, when he heads to the studio, and he wonders if he should be worrying, but decides not to.

Surprisingly, he founds her again, when he is entering a new coffee shop, and she walks her way out. He opens the door for her, and is met with her fond smile again, that grows larger as she recalls his face. She mumbles a sweet 'thank you' and keeps walking. Some courage grows inside Mark, and blurts out whatever his brain was fast enough to say.

“Thanks for not spilling that coffee back” the young lady finds the sentence, although awkward, funny, and turns back to him to reply.

“Maybe I should pay for your coffee, though, you were enjoying it until I crashed into you” Her melodic voice is enough to put Mark in a trance, and loses control of what he's doing, disconnecting from his awkward self.

“Actually it was my fault” he giggles remembering how sweet she was, even after Mark probably just ruined her day “Did you get a horrible stain?”

She walks closer to him, small steps that make his heart beat faster.

“It wasn't horrible, I wouldn't say that, it was just, slightly bad”

“I don't want to be a weirdo, are you busy right now? I could use some chatting, and I really owe your laundry money”

She was never an outgoing person, but she was flattered by his proposal. She was meeting someone, but she figured it wouldn't be important enough to not cancel.

“I would love that, but you owe me nothing” she giggles and walks beside him into an empty table.

“I'm Mark, by the way”

“I know that” she laughs it off, attempting for things not to be awkward “My name is Y/N”

It was only after several months, that Mark found himself, again, over thinking about how lonely he was, and how desperate he was for it to end. Whenever he had the chance, he'd spend time with his new friend, and for some weeks, thats was enough, until he realized that, all she wanted from him, was a friendship. His friends noticed, too, how after a while, that wasn't enough for him, but he was terrified he'd lose her, but they'd often try to help him out in whatever way other men would think was best, teasing her when she was at the dorms, insinuating how cute of a couple they'd be, and shamelessly asking if by any chance, she'd have feelings for him, never really giving away Mark's crush on her, not explicitly at least.

One afternoon, when they were all watching a movie together, when suddenly, Johnny and Taeyong convinced everyone to go out and have dinner, even after Mark suggested they just called the restaurant, because he was too tired to go out.

“Oh” Taeyong said, grabbing his keys and putting on a hat “then you can stay here with Y/N and order something and we can take our time”

The girl was a little disappointed, she loved spending time with the other guys two, but she agreed, knowing that Mark wouldn't want be convinced to leave the couch.

She sees then leave, and turns around to look at her friend, somehow aware of what his friends were trying to do; leave them alone, after last night they discussed Mark should just accept the reject, and confess. The boy asked, pleaded and begged them not to leave them alone, after he opened up about his feelings, but of course, his friends thought they'd know better.

“Can you order pizza while I take a shower?” his attention called back to where he was, as the sweet woman walked into the living room, with a bottle of wine and two cups. Mark chocked in his spit, when the thought of her showering, and how much he'd love to enter the scene, crossed his mind.

“Yeah, sure” he watched her walking away “Do you want some clothes?”

“Well, if I could steal one of your hodies tonight, I wouldn't mind”

He does as he's asked, calling a pizzeria and taking off his hoodie, hoping that she'd appreciate the smell of his cologne, that he wears only when she's coming around.

When she comes out, wearing her jeans and tank top, he throws the sweater at her, she puts it on and sits in the couch next to him, ready to start eating, reaching out for the bottle to serve them a cup after the first bite.

“I don't want to drink that” he'd never been a fan of alcohol, he knew he could use a boost, but he was still afraid of it.

“Huh? Why is that?”

“I don't drink wine” She recalled how he'd often drink with Johnny and her, whenever Johnny wanted to open a bottle, which happened quite often, but decided not to insist, although she did pour a cup for herself.

Mark, and any other men, really, always wondered what could she be thinking about, she was wild, energetic, but calmed and peaceful, she was always kind, but wouldn't hesitate to start a fight if to defend herself or someone else, she was never scared, but she was sensitive and fragile. He couldn't help the sigh that left his body, remembering why he had feelings for her in the first place. He knew how much she'd hate to be in a relationship, they had already discussed it, after some girl confessed to Mark, and she mentioned how relationships to her were useless, since she got all the love she wanted from her friends, and that way, she made sure that all the love she gave was reciprocal. When he told his manager about his feelings, expecting him to give him helpful advice, he just told him to forget about her. “women like her are too complicated, it's not worth it”. He wondered then, how many other guys would think the same, and refused to be one of those.

They were both full, and cuddling in the couch, she was sipping her second cup, when Mark suddenly poured a cup for himself too, and drank it in one large sip. He felt a rush through his body, his face flustered, and a numb sensation in his limbs. He was trying to keep himself still, but the sudden alcohol in his body made him bubbly and the woman next to him realized. The cheesy romcom that was playing on the back made him giggle in every other scene, and with every minute that went by, he felt looser and looser. He served another cup and drank it just as fast as the first one. Soon, he found himself leaning towards the body that sat next to him. Y/N pat her thigh, inviting Mark to rest his head there, which he did, while fidgeting with his fingers.

“You notice how wine makes people wanna feel, like sexy” he lets out in a serious tone.

Giggly, his friend shakes her head no, and places her cup in the table in front of them. “Do you feel like sexy?”

He sits himself back, eyes wide open, same serious expression in his face.

“I guess so?” he laughs at how dumb he must sound “I feel... Jiggly”

Her sweet, loud laugh fills the room, and Mark is proud of himself for making her so happy.

“Love, you should go to sleep already” he feels his face hotter and hotter, and can only imagine how red he must be “you were already tired, I'll clean up and meet you in your room-”

Mark bursts out of his bubble and speaks

“Don't do that” he says softly, as if he was genuinely hurt by her words “Please, don't do that”

Worried, Y/N walks closer to him, “Do what?”

He looks down to his feet, feeling tears forming in his eyeballs, product of his low alcohol tolerance, and his overall emotional state. “Dont call me love. You don't love me”

She reaches for his hands, attempting to make him look straight at her eyes “Of course I love you Mark”

“Not the way I want you to”

She had never been good with other people's feelings, especially romantic feelings, she had a hard time catching indirects.

“In which way is that?” hesitant, Mark stares at her for a couple seconds, before staring at her lips, too numb to do better, he grabes her chin and pulls her closer to him, a sweet, slow kiss surprising her as much as himself. When he pulls away and expects a response of any kind, all she can do is try to look at him.

“Oh, Mark” she finally manages to say “is this the way you feel?” he nods, still nervous but hopeful that she'll feel the same “You're drunk, go to sleep” she turns around as she cleans as quick as she can, as mark makes his way to his room, or to the first room he sees open.

Before the other men living in the dorms arrive and ask questions that she doesn't want to answer, she leaves, leaving a post it note in the fridge for Mark”

“Drink water and have a painkiller,

I had to go home. Thanks for the wine

-Y/N”

Too many weeks after, Mark calls her phone one more time before he enters the dorms, wondering if he had really done the worst thing in the world, for her to ghost him like that. He let a tired sigh out, grateful that he was home alone again. He goes to his room, ready to sleep for as long as he can, but when he opens the door, the lights are on, and in his bed sits what could be only described as an angel, beautiful as always, smiling and kind Y/N, with a cup of wine in her delicate hands, and another one on his nightstand, that she offers him as he's taking off his shoes and sweater.

With pain and regret in her eyes, as he's taking the first sip, she attempts to break the silence. “You ever notice how wine makes people feel sexy?”

[ghost-in-the-hella]

66 PriceMarsh for the kiss prompt, because I'm predictable AF.

This has been possibly the tensest, most nerve-wracking, absolute best night of Kate’s life. 

After months of this awkward dance, this “are we just friends or are we dating” thing that she and Chloe have been doing basically since they met, they’re finally on an actual, definite, undeniable date. 

Chloe has been sweetly formal about the whole thing, which doesn’t fit at all with the image she projects of herself to the world but fits perfectly with the image of her that Kate has come to know through the course of their friendship. Three days ago, Chloe called her - not a text; an actual phone call - to ask her out. She’d even stuttered a bit, which was beyond adorable. And she’d made it perfectly clear what she was asking: “Would you want to go out with me? Like, on a date. A real date. A date date.” It was charming. It was cute. It was exactly what Kate had been wanting to ask her since they met. Of course she said yes. 

Chloe came to pick Kate up at her dorm exactly on time (the first time since Kate’s known her that Chloe’s been on time for anything), looking as nervous as Kate’s been feeling all day. She was dressed up nicely in clean slacks and a button-down shirt and wearing cologne, a rich and spicy scent that suits her well. She brought flowers for Kate and carrot tops for Alice. And she’s been just as perfect since they left the dorms, doing all the things that Kate’s ever imagined a good date’s supposed to do: letting Kate choose the music they listen to in the truck, complimenting Kate on everything from her new cardigan to the plait she did her hair in, lending Kate her thrift store suit jacket when she shivers because the truck’s heater is busted, taking her out for dinner and movie and a walk on the beach and making her feel like a fairytale princess every step of the way (minus the fire-breathing dragon; Chloe’s been chewing her nicotine gum off and on all night but hasn’t lit up a single cigarette).

It’s Kate’s first date ever, and it’s going better than she ever would have imagined a date could go. 

There’s just one thing. And it’s such a little thing. It’s silly, really. Completely insignificant and borderline ridiculous. It shouldn’t matter. They’re having such a nice time, and Chloe is being so sweet, and it’s all so perfect and Kate should be able to just enjoy it without wanting anything to be different. It’s just…

Good Lord, Kate wants a kiss.

And Chloe… Chloe’s being so well-behaved. Too well-behaved, really. Kate’s pretty sure that Chloe wants to kiss her, too - every now and then Kate spots Chloe glancing down at her lips wistfully, getting nervous and looking away when she realizes she’s been caught - but Chloe’s keeping herself in check. 

Kate sort of wishes Chloe wasn’t. She’s always admired - envied, really - Chloe’s bravery, the way she goes for what she wants in life and is unapologetically herself. And normally she’s grateful for the way Chloe restrains herself a bit with her, always mindful of Kate’s boundaries. But tonight… Kate’s terrible at going for what she wants, and if Chloe’s not going to go for a kiss then that means she’s going to have to be the one to make a move.

It doesn’t happen. 

All through dinner (at the Two Whales, but in their fancy clothes; there really is nowhere nice to go around here, not that they can afford, anyway), no kiss. During the movie there are a few awkward attempts at hand-holding and arm draping, but it all goes awry (Chloe even does the classic yawn-and-stretch routine that always seems to work in movies, but she seems to chicken out at the last second, leaving Kate disappointed), and no kiss. They go for a romantic walk on the beach and by the time they’re walking back to the parking lot Chloe finally works up the nerve to hold Kate’s hand, seeming justly proud of herself, but still no kiss. Chloe drives her back to campus, and definitely no kiss. Chloe walks her to the entrance of the dorm building (Kate takes her hand when Chloe seems uncertain if it’s allowed; she’s not going to let them go backwards at this point), and no kiss. After some shy hemming and hawing and increasingly sweaty hand-holding, Kate persuades her to come inside and actually walk her to her door, and time is running out.

The hallway is quiet. It’s still early for a Friday night; most people are probably out partying. She could invite Chloe in for tea, but even though she knows they wouldn’t do anything improper it still feels a bit too forward to ask. So they stand outside Kate’s still-locked door and make small talk, stretching out the waning moments of their first official date.

“This was awesome,” Chloe says for the third time. She’s staring at Kate’s lips again. She blinks and her beautiful sky blue eyes dart away sheepishly when she notices Kate staring back.

“Yeah,” Kate agrees again. She’s just staring openly, hoping that Chloe will suddenly learn to read her mind or at least her body language. 

“Cool, cool. Glad you had a good time.” Chloe licks her lips anxiously. The lip gloss she’d clearly applied at the beginning of the night is practically worn away. Her lips look no less kissable for it.

“I definitely did. The movie was… fun.”

Chloe chuckles shyly. “I, uh, did not expect for there to be so much blood. Sorry about that.”

“It was fine. I’m really not that squeamish.” Chloe’s lips are perfect. Kate wonders what they taste like. Maybe if she stares at them hard enough she’ll find out. 

“Oh, word.” Chloe cringes. “Uh, I mean. Cool. Maybe we can watch a movie together again sometime?”

Kate beams, and Chloe’s eyes stray down to her smiling lips again, lingering this time. “I’d love that.”

“Yeah? I mean, yeah. That’d be…”

“Cool?” Kate supplies, smirking a little. 

Chloe blushes, and Good Lord Kate can not handle that. “Um. Yeah.” Her eyes are still on Kate’s mouth. Kate wishes her lips were instead. “So, like… Second date?”

“Yes, please. This weekend?”

“Heck yeah. You can pick out the movie this time.”

“I’d be happy to. But I thought you picked fine.”

“Really? I was freaking out the whole time that you’d hate it. I mean, I know you’re not a square or whatever, but still. I don’t wanna scare you off by having weird taste in movies.”

“It’d take more than that to scare me off, Chloe.”

“Y-yeah?”

“In fact…” Kate summons up her courage. “I’ve been worried about scaring you off tonight, too.”

Chloe blinks in surprise, looking away from Kate’s mouth for the first time in whole minutes. “What, really? Why’s that?”

Kate steps close and Chloe’s eyes dart back down to her lips even as they widen in surprise. “Because this,” Kate says, and she moves her mouth close enough to Chloe’s that she’ll have to stop staring and do something about it. She pauses before making contact, close enough for the request to be clear but far enough away that Chloe can back out if she really wants to. 

To Kate’s immense relief and eternal gratitude, Chloe leans down slightly and closes the gap herself.

Chloe’s lips taste like her cigarettes smell, but with traces of mint, buttered movie popcorn, and the faintest hint of strawberry lip gloss.

“Oh,” Chloe breathes when they pull back enough to breathe again. “C-cool.”

Kate giggles and kisses her again.

[movie-guy49]

Hey everyone well I know it's been awhile since I know I'm getting really slow and bad about updating my blog but I'm really really trying to get better at it and just had a lot going on in my personal life and still nothing going on in my professional life what's wrong with this picture well I couldn't put the title up there because for some reason it's not saving the headlines on our blog so this is actually here we go it's episode 32 if you will recall about I take about 3-4 weeks ago I wrote about the fact that I was diagnosed with seasonal depression and just as it's turned October and the seasons of changing and of course in Texas I think Texas is confused because they think it's still somewhere with highs in the 90s and mid-90s and it's just ridiculous that's why I get out of here so bad I hate it here for the passion no I I've had it really really bad tonight you know the last two weeks I've been pretty much home by myself my roommate's been out of town or he's had to go dog or something like that leaving me here by myself everyday I try to call people I've tried to talk you know hey how are you doing all this and that and now it's like I can't get anybody to answer the phone at all some people some people who are supposedly my friends say they'll come over and hang out with me they'll show up never give a reason never say I'm sorry I can't be there nothing as hard as it is for me to admit I thought the suicide are starting to return and it is starting to really scare me because if I can't find a way to change to pass it I'm on right now I'll be dead before Christmas before Thanksgiving and I can tell you the part of what brought this phone was somebody who has said and ask on here which I replied we start talking for a little bit then she tries to scam me and here I thought she was really really sweet and nice and I thought you know hey cool I made another friend or me actually wanted me for but you know I used to understand why people think you can just get out or get off and do shit like that to the others it doesn't make any sense and all it does is hurt somebody who probably is already hurt to begin with I've even been upping the amount of dope that I do just to make myself feel better but it doesn't help for very long anymore of course I should have known that was coming too because you know I haven't had a tolerance now it's probably about time for me to take one I don't know what to do guys I'm looking for jobs I'm trying to get myself out there as much as I can my foot is just about healed I just got to go get the damn stitches out I just don't want to wait all day to the hospital for the code patients so that's why I continue to put it off I don't know why I'm so down and out and dumps and everything because I should already have figured out that this all this that I live as a so-called life he's really all about nothing and I don't want another woman really I mean I don't mind having I wouldn't mind having a friend is a female you know even maybe an FWB that would be fine too but I don't want another woman in terms of a relationship or having strings attached or you know I'm enjoying my freedom too much and even though my freedom is probably going to be short lived because a simple reason that if I can't figure out another path to go down I'll be dead here probably in the next 4 to 6 weeks and right now since all I see of people who really want to hurt me or cast me aside or whatever those are the people that are probably always going to be glad to see that I'm gone the large world after people unfortunately my place in it is I don't know how to put it but it's just taking up wasted space

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Hey Em! I've gone through most of your Malec fics and I really love them! (especially the autistic!Alec one but also all those dealing with Alec's mental health issues) I was wondering if you have other recs for me of fics you love, since I'm really new in the fandom and there's so much out there?

Hi there! I’m so glad you’ve been reading and enjoying my fics! That means so much to me :) You’re so sweet! <3

I always have fic recs, so I am more than happy to give you some anytime you want. Here’s a list of a few (or a LOT because I got carried away, oops) that I love with my whole heart. I’m not sure what kinds of fics you like, so I rec’d some of my faves and ones that are specifically about autistic!Alec or Alec & mental health issues.

~ ~ ~

- Walking With Death by Aria_Lerendeair. This is a fic about Malec becoming immortal husbands, and it’s angsty but so, so, so good. Death is a character and Alec buys him coffee.

- Stone Can Be Broken by lawsofchaos and the wonderful sequel Hearts Can Be Remade by Aria_Lerendeair. Both are very angsty, but Laws’ has a hopeful ending and Aria’s has a happy ending. Be sure to read the tags on Aria’s! <3

- Five Times Alec Hides His Tears And One Time He Doesn’t by notcrypticbutcoy. This fic is about Alec’s struggles with anxiety and it is such a heartwrenching read for me. 100/10 recommend. 

- Violet by cuubism. This one deals with some pretty serious suicidal thoughts, so be cautious! <3 Magnus and Alec meet each other on a bridge. Or, the one where helping someone else is sometimes easier than helping yourself. Written by cuubism of the Malec Discord server we’re a part of!

- Wish Upon A Shooting Star by Aria_Lerendeair. Another immortal husbands fic, and it is so, so sweet and has a whimsical, optimistic energy that will surely make you smile. (Bonus points: written by our very own sassy moderator of the Malec Discord server.)

- “You are hurt” by sugarandspace. I’m not sure how much you like parabatai feels, but if you do, this is THE FIC for you. Jenna, who is a member of our lovely Malec server as well, does it wonderfully. It’s set post-3x18 Malec breakup and it has Alec self-harming and lots of feels with him & Jace.

- A Different Time by TK_Extraordinaire. This fic is basically a character study of Alec, a look at how he evolved over the years told from the POV of others.

- Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth) by SquaresAreNotCircles. This fic is one of my favourite fluffy ones and it’s basically 7.5k of Alec talking about how much he loves his boyfriend to everyone who’s not him and then one time Magnus finds out about these secret compliment-fests.

- Brother Let Me Be Your Shelter by alistoney. This fic deals with Alec’s self-harm and it is an add-on to that scene in season 1 when Alec storms away after Jace & Clary kiss. Lots of Izzy and Alec feels, provided graciously by the amazing Zia of our Malec server.

- I will catch you when you fall by sugarandspace. Another fic where Alec self-harms, but this time it’s Magnus helping him out.

- Quiet now, you’re gonna wake the beast by EternallySilverMagnusAndAlec. This is a wonderful autistic!Alec fic that also goes into the emotional trauma that Alec has to deal with from Maryse. Written by EternallySilver of the Malec Discord server!

- Not So Unrequited by Aria_Lerendeair. A best friends to lovers AU that goes through their journey together as friends (including lots of delicious angst) and eventually leads to the confessing of feelings.

- The Lonely Hearts Hotline by Fatale (femme). I prefer oneshots to long fics, so this is one of the only fanfics I’ve read that surpasses 20k. This is the story of CEO Magnus and phone sex operator Alec and yes, it is absolutely as good as it sounds. 100/10 must read.

- Subjective by Accal1a. This fic was actually just posted tonight in the Malec Discord server, but I wanted to link it in case you didn’t see. Hannah has an amazing way with words. This is a 5+1 about Alec & dealing with homophobia. It isn’t all posted yet, but it will be soon, and the first chapter is SO GOOD.

- Autistic Alec AU by AceOnIce. This is a series of fics where Alec is a mundane and autistic, and it shows the journey of his relationship with Magnus. It’s amazing and also written by one of our Discord server members, Amelia.

- shed my skin, my scars by ByTheAngell. This fic is another fic about Alec & self-harm, written by the wonderful Elle of the Malec Discord server, with a few mentions of other ways of not taking care of himself, too. It’s set post-canon and portrays the way that people can fall back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- On Thunderstorms and Scared Shadowhunters by alxdrlightwood. The fic in which Alec slowly begins to accept that it’s okay to have a phobia, and Magnus is there to provide cuddles.

- And They Were Roommates by CoolStoryMatt. A roommates college AU where Malec are oblivious idiots that really need to learn to communicate better. Another of the rare above 20k faves of mine. Absolutely hilarious, with great plot and so many moments that’ll make you yell at your screen.

- Whumptober 2019 by Donovanspen. This is a series of works with Malec hurt/comfort and angst.

- No reason to feel like this by sugarandspace. A fic in which Alec deals with depression, and Magnus is there for him.

- it took me years to say the words that you did not even need said by arekiras. A series of fics about autistic!Alec and his life as a Shadowhunter, Head of the Institute, and boyfriend/husband to Magnus Bane.

- Red-Handed by Carmenlire. This is a fic about Alec relapsing with self-harm and Magnus being there for him. Like Elle’s fic above, it also portrays the way one can slip back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- Reasons To Stay by AceOnIce. This fic is a 5 times fic with 5 times Alec wanted to die, but didn’t.

- holding onto you by anonlymous. Another Alec & self-harm fic where Magnus is there for him.

- Once You Taste It by Carmenlire. Yet another Alec & self-harm fic, with Alec making the choice to go to Magnus before things get too far.

- An Unlikely Angel by thatnerdemilyj. This fic is a Fraywood brotp where Clary leaves nice sticky notes for Alec after being exposed to all of the bad thoughts in his mind. Bonus points, it’s written by the lovely creator of our Malec server, the other Em!

- First step after the fall by sugarandspace. A fic about the aftermath of 2x08 but Magnus has wings as a warlock mark and he used those to save Alec when he jumped. Lots of angst for both Magnus & Alec!

- Survive In That Despair by thattrainssailed. This fic is one of the only no-dialogue fics I’ve ever read, but it makes the emotion that much more potent. It’s another Alec & self-harm fic, and it’s more graphic than the others I’ve rec’d here, so please be extra cautious! <3

- We Care For Each Other by ZequoiaRose. A bad day fic with absolutely ridiculous amounts of hurt/comfort. So soft, I don’t even have words. 100/10 recommend. 

- I cannot touch because they are too near by jillyfae. This fic is honestly the best fic about the parabatai bond I’ve ever read. It has a truly lovely amount of wordbuilding and is told from Magnus’s POV where he wants to know more about the bond Alec & Jace have. Extremely soft and written by jilly from our Malec Discord server.

- Between The Lines by Carmenlire. If you like pre-canon fics at all, this is an absolute must-read. It tells a heartwrenching story of Alec & his repression due to the Shadowhunters’ homophobic society, told from Isabelle’s POV. 

- Starling by cuubism. One of the best fics about Alec & mental health issues, in my opinion. It’s absolutely heartbreaking in the best way. It can also be pretty intense, so be sure to read the tags and the author’s trigger warnings! <3

- Astraphobia by AceOnIce. An autistic!Alec college AU where Alec’s fear of thunderstorms causes him to meet Magnus for the first time. So, so, so cute. Like, illegally cute.

- The Breath of a Lie by Secretness. This fic is another one of the best fics about Alec & mental healh issues. Although, please be aware - it is very, very intense. This fic will fuck you up good if you’re not careful, so please take care of yourself. <3

- 11:45 by bidness. This fic is the last of my above 20k recs. It is the sweetest workplace AU you will ever read, where Magnus keeps stealing Alec’s lunch and leaving apology notes behind. Also written by the absolutely wonderful Tilly of the Malec Discord server.

- The Best High School Love Story (Maybe Ever) by Aria_Lerendeair. If high school AUs are your thing, you will absolutely love this. It features competitive Malec, best friends to lovers, and the cutest storyline to ever cute.

~ ~ ~

So I ended up giving you like, half of my bookmarks, oops. Sorry about that. I hope you find some that you like among these, and thank you so much again for reading my fics!

Thank you for the ask!

[kassandra-lorelei]

"Just because I'm heartless doesn't mean I don't like chocolate." I know I just asked for a oneshot recently, but I saw this one on a Tumblr prompt blog I follow and it cracked me up because I instantly thought of C.C. I can just see her snarky, sassy self saying this to Niles after some zinger war or something. Ha ha. I know you're working on other stuff, so whenever you get to it I'd love to see what you come up with! ❤️

Here we are, my friend! I am so sorry this took so long, but I’ve been under some stress recently and I’ve had to take my time getting this done

For that Anon waiting for the other prompt I have, I promise you will have it soon, and for everyone waiting on the next chapter of Personal Guardian Demon, I will be getting on it soon as well

@missbabcocks1 @holomoriarty

Valentine’s Day might not have been a cause for celebrationto Niles, given his apparent permanent bachelor status, but that didn’t mean hegot to be away from it. In an ideal world, he would’ve asked for (and gotten) aday off so that he could go out somewhere and perhaps blend in with every otherface in the crowd. In the mansion, he stuck out like a sore thumb – Mr and MrsSheffield would obviously have a romantic meal that evening, Miss Margaret hadgone out with her boyfriend, Master Brighton kept saying he was meeting a girland would be out all day (though he had been sketchy on the details, such asthe girl’s name, how they’d met, where they were going, etc), and Miss Grace wasgoing to the movies with a group of her friends.

Depressingly, even Miss Babcock had managed to get herself adinner date that night. Some businessman or other, as handsome as he was richand twice as charming, no doubt. And that was going to be a lovely thought hismind would conjure up later, when he’d finished washing up after Mr and MrsSheffield’s romantic meal and was busy tucking into the large amount of chocolatethat he’d bought and stashed away in the kitchen for safekeeping.

Of course, he’d teased the producer when she’d told MrSheffield about her plans, just a few days before. It had just been so easy to notethat there was emphasis on “scare” in the phrase “scare up a date”. She hadthen retorted that at least she’d have a date, which might not have been thebest or funniest zinger she’d ever come up with, but in the coldfourteenth-of-February morning light, it felt like a slap in the face.

He’d managed to keep it to himself for the first few hoursof the day. He’d even tried to be in keeping with the Valentine’s theme bycooking the family heart-shaped strawberry pancakes for breakfast and servinghot chocolate to go with it.

But underneath the longer time went on, the more thepleasant exterior felt like what it was – a façade. It was a relief when thefamily dispersed for the time being, the children going off by themselves, MrSheffield and Miss Babcock heading to the office to begin the work day, and MrsSheffield going out shopping “for later”. Niles didn’t bother asking what she wasgoing to buy, it was going to be obvious the next day, when Mr Sheffield camedownstairs with a ridiculous smile on his face.

He must’ve been wallowing in his own misery over the factthat he’d come downstairs the next day to a sink full of dishes and theknowledge that he had to make breakfast for a family of five that wasn’t evenhis, because before he knew it, a hand was being waved his face and he was backin the office.

He’d originally gone in there to do some tidying, and losttrack of the time in thinking. It was just his luck that Miss Babcock happenedto be watching at the same time.

She was clearly delighted to have caught him off-guard aswell, “What’s the matter, Niles? Forget what you came over here for?”

Niles felt a small pang of irritation, which quickly turnedinto a lingering sense of annoyance. Of course she was happy – she knew she hadthe upper hand in every category, as things currently stood. He’d been the onenot paying attention, and no doubt at any moment she’d remind him of the eveninghe had to look forward to.

Alone, whilst she was out somewhere with her businessman,having the time of her life.

He might not have been in the mood for zingers, but one cameanyway.

“I haven’t quite made it to that level of mental deteriorationyet,” he replied drily. “I’m not your age.”

Miss Babcock was quite prepared for the challenge, “I’m gladyou agree that I’m not ancient, unlike certain people in this room!”

“Oh, would you two give it a rest just for today?” Maxwellstepped in from his seated position at his desk before Niles could retort. TheBritish producer had a pink box in his hands, which he opened and pushed acrossthe desk towards them. “I’d much rather have a pleasant Valentine’s Day, ifit’s all the same to you. Fran gifted me these just before she left thismorning – come and have a chocolate, and let’s all get back to work.”

Niles went over, peering into the box. Of course each andevery single chocolate was heart-shaped, he thought to himself bitterly.Perfect for two lovers to feed each other whilst locked in an intimate embrace.

Two lovers, like Miss Babcock and her oh-so-perfect date.

And, without even thinking about it, another insult made itsway from his heart to his mind, and bypassed any kind of filter to come straightfrom his mouth.

“I hope your date tonight remembers chocolates like these,”he told her. “At this rate, it’s the only way you’ll ever have a heart in you.”

The reaction from Maxwell was (surprisingly) loud andimmediate.

“Niles!” the British producer cried, looking back and forthbetween his butler and his business associate. “I told you to pack it in! Whatthe Devil’s gotten into you, Old Man?!”

Niles expected there to be a similar reaction from MissBabcock at any moment – for a grin to appear on her ruby red lips where she wasso pleased their employer had taken her side, and then a smug comment about howyou just couldn’t get the help these days, and if you could, you couldn’t getthe help to shut up.

But those things didn’t happen. Instead, the producer juststood there with neither a smile nor a smart word. She didn’t look angry,either.

In actual fact, Niles could have sworn that she looked upset(or…even hurt?), even if she was trying to hide it.

She gestured lightly to the stack of papers she’d been goingthrough before, abandoned on the green loveseat, “Maxwell, those contracts arefinished. I’m gonna take a long lunch break.”

Without another word, she turned and left the office.

After being reprimanded by Maxwell for not doing as he wastold and leaving the zingers aside for a while, Niles was allowed to carry onwith his work. But the butler couldn’t fully bring himself to do anything ofany actual worth – and that time, it had nothing to do with his perpetualloneliness.

Nothing to do with that, and everything to do with guilt. Hereally and truly hadn’t meant to say something quite so awful – it had justslipped out! He’d just been so angry and upset that she had a…well, he wasangry and upset that he didn’t have anyone to spend either today, or the restof his life, with.

The feeling of guilt was only exacerbated when he finallymade his way into the kitchen, and spotted Miss Babcock at the table. She wassurrounded by the stash of chocolate he’d bought for himself, more than half ofit opened and a lot of it missing.

He really had hurt her, hadn’t he? She’d imagined that she’dbe left alone (where she could bear her emotions in private) and had gonethrough the cupboards for comfort food.

Niles took a hesitant step towards her, “Miss Babcock, I-”

The producer lifted one hand in a halting fashion.

“Save it, Niles,” she nearly snapped, using her free handsto crumple up an empty wrapper and drop it on the table with the rest. “I don’twanna hear your next pithy little remark. You can have this round.”

She…thought this was all part of their usual routine? Thathe was trying to deliberately make her feel this way, because part of the gamewas to make her upset? That wasn’t the way it was supposed to play out, andthey both knew it! Even without talking about it, they knew they enjoyed thewordplay and the challenge that the other provided.

What he’d said had been too much, and it hadn’t come from agood place.

He approached the table sombrely, hoping that he could offerher an apology. It would be a first, most likely, but it was nonetheless needed.

She picked up another chocolate bar and eyed himsuspiciously as he came over, “What? No victory dance, or is that too muchexercise for that ancient carcass of yours?”

Pursing his lips some, Niles tried to ignore the remark.

“I’m not here to try and argue with you,” he said, turninghis eyes to the mess on the table. “Although some others might, if they caughtyou with their own private stash. Or what’s left of it, rather…”

Miss Babcock broke off a piece, “Well, just because I’mheartless doesn’t mean I don’t like chocolate.”

Niles sighed, thinking that he could kick himself.

“…I really didn’t mean to be so callous, you know.”

The producer rolled her eyes, words only muffled a little bythe chocolate she’d popped into her mouth, “Yeah, right!”

“I’m telling you the truth!” he insisted in return.

Miss Babcock turned more in her chair, looking at himseriously, “What makes you think I’m gonna believe that? Is it the years ofinsults, the physical pranks, or the way you toy with my mental health like acat with a yarn ball?”

Niles returned her look, leaning over towards her slightly, “Howabout the fact that you know if I was going to try and turn this into a joke, Iwould have done so by now?”

It was, truly, a last resort. The two of them never talkedabout the fact that they knew each other better than anyone else – knew whatdirection the other would take a verbal sparring session, their likes anddislikes in a variety of subjects, from food to people…

They knew how far each would take something like this, andwhen they would stop. And she knew that he would have done more than he had sofar, if he intended to continue.

She had to accept it, even if she was upset, “Alright,fine.”

Not feeling much better, but now at least satisfied that shewas willing to listen to him, Niles hesitantly took the seat next to her. Hedid it a little more confidently once it became apparent that she wasn’t goingto stop him.

But before he could try to apologise again, the producerspoke up.

“And for the record, I don’t even have a date tonight,” she angrilyunwrapped another chocolate. “But before you say anything, no, I did not makeup the one I had before.”

Niles felt surprise bubble up inside him. So, they were bothspending Valentine’s Day by themselves – suddenly, it made sense that she hadn’tmocked his lack of a date (or the fact that he had to work to make someone else’sday special) all morning.

And it made even more sense as to why his insult had stungher so deeply. Behind those walls she put around herself, Niles knew she wouldbe feeling hurt and vulnerable. His tactless words were probably contributing tothat, and it was making him feel awful.

He shifted in his seat, “…If you don’t mind my asking, whathappened?”

“Damned if I know,” she bit into her chocolate, and it oozedcaramel. “You know, I really thought it was all going great, and then all of asudden, he calls me up and says he has to cancel on me!”

Niles blinked, “Was he ill?”

Miss Babcock looked at him, “What do you think, Niles?”

The expression on her face was all he needed to understandwhat had gone on, and he wanted to kick himself again for not realising before.

“Oh,” he bit back a frown and picked up a chocolate forhimself. “I see. There was clearly an emergency then. Somebody somewhere requireda giant tool.”

And that was when he noticed Miss Babcock finally crack asmile – the crinkled kind that told him she was trying not to laugh.

But Niles wasn’t going to be deterred. After the time she’dhad, he actually felt that the producer needed to laugh a little. So, (between eatingthe chocolates they’d apparently silently sort-of agreed to share) he keptgoing, tossing insults and sharp remarks at the man who’d ditched her on a daythat was supposed to be about love and togetherness.

He hoped it made up for his behaviour at least a little, andfor the fact that the only chocolate she’d had hadn’t been a gift, she had nodate tonight to look forward to, and no flower bouquets to admire.

And eventually, she did laugh. It was like music when ithappened, and Niles felt his chest inflate a little with pride.

He had cheered her up, to some extent.

Her bad feeling hadn’t entirely gone away, though.

She lowered another empty wrapper to the table, twisting it inbetween her fingers, “Well, jerk or not, he clearly had a better offer elsewhere!”

Niles cocked his head to one side, “A better offer thanyou?”

The producer huffed a sardonic laugh out through her nose,her eyes focused on the table.

“Not hard to find, right?”

Niles felt a wave of sadness come over him at that. MissBabcock truly did underestimate herself, when there was no reason.

And, after the time they’d spent just enjoying the chocolateand discussing the ways in which her non-date could go screw himself, he wasfeeling…well, rather encouraged.

“No…I’d say it’s more…impossible.”

It caught the producer off-guard, “What?”

Suddenly the encouragement dimmed a little, and tensiongripped at his heart. But he knew he had to go on – he couldn’t suddenly decidenot to say anything; she’d never let him live it down if he did.

He just had to be tactful about it, that was all.

So, he began, “Well, who wouldn’t ask you to be their dateon Valentine’s Day? The witty conversation, probably a very carefully selectedbottle of wine, and then dancing well into the night…it sounds like the bestoffer a man could receive, to me.”

There was silence for an uncomfortably long amount of time afterwards.But, eventually, the producer leaned back in her chair.

“Do I smell scotch on your breath?” she asked, gesturing athim. “I’m getting flashbacks to Maxwell and Nanny Fine’s wedding day.”

Niles rolled his eyes, “I haven’t been imbibing, Babs – I doactually happen to think that you make better company than most.”

There was another, shorter silence before the produceranswered.

“That doesn’t prove to me that you’re not hammered, you know,”she said. Then she let a ghost of a smile appear. “But…thanks anyway, I guess.”

Niles had to be satisfied with that. He felt it was time toget back into familiar territory, for the time being.

He smiled back at her, “Well, I’m not trying to kick the dogwhile she’s down, I’m trying to bring her back up.”

Miss Babcock’s eyebrow raised, a hint of a smirk playingabout her features, “And you think another zinger is the right way to go aboutthat, huh?”

The butler grinned lopsidedly in return, “Throw me a bone, Ialready let you almost entirely demolish my chocolate supplies.”

The producer appeared to think about this, before replying.

“Well, you do put the “dog” in “dogsbody”, so alright,” shesaid. She then reached down to her bag, which was at her feet, and pulled outher purse. “And here. All the chocolate’s gonna be half-price tomorrow; you canrestock your little stash and not have to worry about breaking a buck!”

She pulled out a small wad of notes, and tossed it onto his sideof the table.

Niles looked at it for a few seconds, not thinking about chocolatelike she must have assumed he would be. A plan was rapidly forming in his head,and he liked it far better than eating treats alone in his room, discreetlyshedding a tear or two at the movie he’d put on the television, and throwingdiscarded wrappers at the screen if he got annoyed at the lead couple.

He then looked up at the producer, “I’d tell you to keep it,if I didn’t have a better idea.”

That seemed to pique Miss Babcock’s interest, “Oh?”

“You are on your break, and I have no chores left untiltonight,” he said. “I might not be able to offer you dinner, but how does aValentine’s Day lunch sound?”

Miss Babcock appeared to think about it for a moment, before looking amused.

“Offering to pay for a meal with money that I gave you,” she said. “You certainly know how to turn a girl’s head, ScrubbingBubbles!”

“I wouldn’t use it to pay for a meal!” Niles protested,before suddenly thinking of something and leaning his elbow on the table withhis head propped up in his hand. “Although, interestingly enough, I’m nothearing you say no…”

Miss Babcock’s retort was swift, “Well, I suppose I have noother choice but to accept, unless I want to look like a sad sack who couldn’teven get a date on Valentine’s Day.”

“Was that another dig at my inability to get a date?” thebutler asked, dropping his last chocolate wrapper on the small pile on thetable.

“You see it however you want, Hazel,” Miss Babcock replied,pushing her chair out to get up. “Are we going, or not?”

Niles began to smile again, and joined her on his feet, “Wemost certainly are.”

They both began to make their way towards the door, butbefore Niles left he remembered to pick up the money Miss Babcock had left forhim on the table.

He’d use his own money to pay for the food, and they’d bothjust had enough chocolate to last them an entire week, let alone a day, butthere was still one thing that was missing.

He wasn’t about to ruin the (awfully bold) Valentine’s Daysurprise by telling her, but earlier that day he’d seen a man on the cornerselling flowers.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

Ali: Soooooo Ali: How'd your date go? Ro: I'm not sure who you meant to send this too, but perhaps try again? Ro: You can't mean me Ali: Coy, that's how you're playing it, I see Ali: Solid choice 😉 Ali: You and Drew musta been agonising over coffee options then Ro: What are you talking about, Ali? Ro: It was just a coffee stop for everyone, rehearsal fuel Ro: You know full well I've never been on a date Ali: I know full well that was just a ploy for some alone time with you Ali: and not yet but it is so clearly on the cards! Ali: I'd start dropping hints now, otherwise who knows where you'll end up Ro: Don't be ridiculous? Drew isn't remotely interested in me like that Ro: Why would he be? He has his pick of girls at school, and beyond the gates, too I'm sure Ali: Because you're you and he should be so lucky Ali: A bombshell with brains to boot Ali: Yeah, he's got a rep but he's being uncharacteristically sweet with you so, taking him at face value Ali: Anyway Ali: What do YOU think of him? More importantly Ro: Oh no no, this isn't a transformation story whereby I take off my glasses or get my braces taken off finally and am suddenly considered good enough for the protagonist Ro: Besides, I'm not even smart, just a hard worker Ro: Most importantly, he's always sweet with Meena so it's hardly uncharacteristic Ro: Other than knowing him as her kind older brother and Caleb's friend I really don't, know him that is Ali: Oh hush ignoring the fact that art is always a poor imitation of life and not the other way 'round Ali: He's love interest #1 at best, potential to be more if he sticks to his lines Ali: You're the loveable protagonist, silly Ali: Hmpf, fine. Would you like to know him better then? Ro: Of course, like I said, he's kind and sweet and Caleb's proven himself to be a good judge of character Ro: I just fail to see why he'd be interested in getting to know me, beyond being civil to me for the aforementioned reasons of mutual connections with important people Ro: He's Drew Goldsmith and I'm me Ro: We're incompatible given even the little we are both aware of concerning each other Ali: Well, I dunno about that, I think he's a fool and my evil plan is working 😏😂 Ali: Because he fancies you Ali: Potentially Ali: This stuff can defy usual logic, for better or worse, opposites CAN attract or repel in the case of humans Ali: But he wants to find out, I know this practically for a fact (of course, I haven't asked, don't worry) so its up to you to decide if you do too Ro: I have no idea what you believe you possess in terms of knowledge about his attractions or intentions but I highly doubt you're right in so far as him fancying me Ro: Sorry to say Ro: He may look like Connla of the Golden Hair but I am by no means a fairy maiden Ro: If only I could be noble born, never grow old or indeed never die Ali: Have you forgotten what happened to the last person to question my omniscience, sister? 🤔🍄💀😉 Ali: And have you also forgotten who and what you are, 'just because they told us too Ali: Cannot believe what I'm hearing here, I refuse to! Ro: of course I haven't Ro: but perhaps I should try and grow up, or at least be more realistic, when it comes to this Ali: Never! We do live in those green and pleasant hills after-all Ali: Won't stroke his ego as hard as to say UNLIMITED pleasures await but Ali: Everyone is positively like a silly child when it comes to love Ro: It isn't love though and therein lies the issue Ro: Simply a silly crush on my part and polite interest on his Ali: It rarely is at first sight Ali: and there's nothing polite about how keen he is Ali: See where it takes you, that's all Ali: he's clearly going to be hanging 'round jam seshs' and the like as long as you're about so whatever it will be, its inevitable Ro: I thought it would be, the whole charade of fireworks when our eyes collide and butterflies in my stomach. Everything clear and definite Ro: I'm afraid of whatever this is Ali: That's just horniness Ali: You just have better restraint than romance novel writers, is all Ali: Its aright to be afraid, its new and unknown Ali: Here be monsters Ro: Well that is comforting, especially if it ensures I won't fall as hard and fast as those heroines do Ro: particularly if I'm destined to do so alone Ro: Okay...but what if the monster is revealed to be me, in his eyes anyway, what if he gets to know me and doesn't like what he discovers Ali: Sure it was the corsets, poor girls could barely breathe, makes swooning all the more likely, those dastardly dandies! Ali: Then he's as bad, and ignorant (and MORE scared of the unknown than you feel right now), as every explorer who wrote natives off as savages Ali: You are far from a monster in every sensible definition Ali: Misunderstanding maketh monsters Ali: So that'd be on him, can't control other's perceptions but he isn't going to think you are, there's just no reason to Ro: I know you're right but Ro: I just suppose I wish I could control something Ali: I know Ali: Well, one thing you can control is your yay or nay to whatever he's offering up Ali: Not suggesting you have to make the first move, or put it all out on the line, 'cos he definitely will Ali: #gentleman Ro: That much is definite Ro: We should call another rehearsal, allow you to guide my vision to where yours currently reside so I'm not blindsided Ro: because I'm just not seeing what he wants with me Ali: Absolutely Ali: I'm really feeling the whole band thing too Ali: Are you enjoying it? Ro: Unexpectedly so, yes Ali: Right? I think everyone is Ali: Its something Ro: I've never played in front of that many people outside of a recital setting, I thought I'd mess up but it wasn't like that at all Ro: And everyone there seemed really into it Ro: Who knew there was so much respective talent surrounding us? Ali: Mess ups are more than welcome but you're flawless Ali: Me me me! 😊 Ali: Toying around with the idea of doing some local performances Ro: Flawless was you and Caleb Ro: I've never heard your voice so complimentary in a duet before, don't tell Marlene Ro: Oh? I think the others would be into that Ali: 💕 Ali: Might get her so raging she'd have to join us to prove you wrong Ali: I know it probably sounds a bit soon but like you said, performances are so different to practice and whatnot Ali: People would vibe Ali: There's all the places I've done solo, they'd be chill, and you know Suggs? Left School this year gone Ali: He's having a big Bday party for his gf and he's asked if I could do something Ro: Terrifying as it'd be to make a possible enemy of her, she's a very good bassist Ro: Very true, and too much practice can make it sound too rehearsed which clearly isn't what you're going for with this Ro: I heard Caleb talking to Drew about potentially performing at the restaurant so he'd be excited for sure Ro: Hm...I'm not certain I know who you mean but a gig's a gig Ro: Would he be alright with you bowing out as a soloist? Ali: She is Ali: She's gonna come around on her own tho, I know her Ali: She's just pouting Ali: Understandably, I'm not being as glib as I sound, just, we weren't right Ali: Exactly! That would be chill, you've gotta come thru with me just to get food, it's delicious and its beautiful Ali: Yeah, of course, one person can only rock out so hard solo Ali: Even if that one person is me Ali: Like, Bowie had a band, ya feel? Ro: I trust you and your intuition Ro: When's the party? Ro: I need to mentally prepare Ali: ✌ Ali: we've got 2 weeks to prep, assuming he doesn't get his arse dumped Ali: awkies, want us to play you out honey? 😂 Ro: Funeral march for his ego Ro: If the stars are good to me I'll make 2 weeks of wishes Ro: Should suffice Ali: Brilliant Ali: I'll check our charts Ali: Pull out some eyelashes if necessary Ali: The stars will fall and align for us Ro: I have faith Ro: Have you told the others yet? Ali: I haven't actually, I'll drop it in the group chat later Ali: Seeing Caleb tonight so I'll discuss the finer points with him then Ro: Good idea Ro: Oh yes, I'd forgotten it's your date night! Ali: As long as he hasn't we'll be fine 😋 Ro: Have you done his chart? If not he has perfect eyelashes to steal Ali: Not yet Ali: Been getting quizzed myself by his Ma Ali: Fair 'nuff but no time to sneak in so hey Ms Cavante, where was Caleb born and at what time exactly? #witchgirlproblems Ro: How very unfair Ro: Tonight could be the night Ro: I've already got the cards out here, questioning myself Ro: The spread's favorable for the party to go well for us as performers Ro: [Sends her a picture of the tarot] Ali: Knew we'd ace it but with the fates on our side we CANNOT fail Ali: are you asking about the Drew sitch? Ro: Perhaps Ali: I got you Ali: Keep it between you and the universe 💖 Ro: OH what are we going to wear for our first performance? Ali: THE BEST BIT Ali: We need to plan! Ali: Maybe shop! Ali: I think the party is a masquerade ball (how sweet for a hapless stoner, right?) Ali: We could run with that Ro: Well now I'm enthused Ro: Pencil me into your diary please Ali: Absolutely Ali: I think we could make better masks than we could ever find Ali: or makeup looks Ali: we will workshop this Ro: Agreed, you could create something amazing overnight Ali: We could go out and forage fresh flowers for it Ali: that would look beautiful Ro: Yes! Oh my god, we have to Ali: Perfection Ali: I'll see what the others want too Ali: Maybe we could go a galaxy glitter/paint moment on the guys but I feel like Meena would fosho want in on this floral faerie moment Ro: If you need me to start pressing any of the flowers let me know Ro: I'll make time Ali: You're an 👼 Ali: We can do it over lunch Ali: in between practicing Ali: Such busy 🐝s Ro: I don't mind I like to stay busy Ro: Do you think Drew will come to the party? Ali: Same tbh Ali: I bet he will Ali: And not to show off his musical prowess, bless him Ro: Do we need a name to perform under if we don't just want to be called 'Ali's band' by the host? Ali: Fantastic point, I don't want to be THAT lead singer Ali: So much to think on, oosh! We'll have to put the feelers out in the group chat Ali: should be something we all vibe Ro: I bet the boys will have some interesting ideas Ro: You should speak to Tommy as well, he's learn so much stage stuff at school Ro: If we're going to do this might as well make it look professional I think Ali: Agreed Ali: As long as he doesn't want to choreograph a whole girl group dance routine for us Ro: Imagine! Ro: I'd have to hide behind the piano Ali: Shy yet sultry keyboard girl prerogative Ali: I'll crowd surf my way outta there Ro: How long of a set are we going to play? Ro: There's so many potential covers not to mention the originals you and Caleb both have written Ali: Oh man Ali: we could do 20 like an opener but we are the main act, as it were, but its not that hardcore Ali: I think we could put together a 60 Ro: I hope we can all agree between us Ali: we will Ali: oh, could you cover for me with Ma tonight? Ali: she's not my bestie rn Ro: Of course Ro: I have a rare night free of any babysitting duties so it'll be simple Ali: Good, you deserve a break from the little demons Ali: I hope a book and a bubble bath are on the cards after you calm down the dragon Ro: They are indeed Ro: Perhaps I can suggest the same for her Ali: Perhaps I'm just giving myself away as twisted but that is a hilarious mental image Ali: Her grumpy face peeking out of a bubble beard Ro: Ali don't that's going to stay with me when I do get in the tub Ro: Oh no Ali: 🙊🙈 Ali: I can only apologize Ro: Cleansing that from my thoughts immediately Ro: Are you coming home at all or just straight out to see Caleb? Ali: If I do, catch me creeping up the stairs Ali: She's not been this pissy since Lachlan Ali: She's so SURE Caleb is like that and its just Ali: hilarious Ali: imagine Ro: Once she gets to know him better she'll change her mind Ro: She has to Ali: She SHOULD but will she? Ali: Stubborn old goat 😂 Ali: He's not going anywhere any time soon so if she wants to pine for Marlene that's on her but Ali: 🤷 Ro: I'll start counting cars to wish on just for her (and you), hold my breath, dig out my baby teeth, everything Ro: She just doesn't want to be a grandmother yet is all, it's no slight on Caleb personally I don't believe Ali: My vagina my choice, Mama Ali: Bless her Ali: It'd be fine if she threw out the same level of concern at...oh, idk Ali: Bea and Fraze Ali: 🙄 Ro: If she could secure us all same sex relationships she would, undoubtedly Ro: Likewise, if there was any feasible way to show Bea concern that she'd allow it'd be done Ali: When your kids don't have the good grace to be gay #gutted Ali: Yeah Ali: I need lessons on how to be a bad bitch, clearly Ro: Please don't take any lessons from Bea Ali: Its okay, I don't think she'd be willing to teach me Ro: Very true Ali: Best kept secrets and all that Ro: Speaking of, I've just received a text and must go Ali: Say no more Ali: run baby run 💚 Ro: Have fun tonight Ro: Bluebeard and I will try not to miss you too much Ali: Aww, I'll be home for snuggles lads Ali: wouldn't wanna get pregnant Ali: Laterz Ro: See you soon xx

[todokori-kun]

The fix was quicker than I expected! Dad’s bringing it (the computer) home today :D

someone needs to photoshop smiling cherubs and flowers around them

OH whoops, sorry about the misunderstanding ^^;; Idk what I even want to happen to the Touken baby, I just don’t want it to die in the womb.

Uta/Touka child might also be pretty attractive, now that I think about it ;)

(Uta/Rize or Uta/Itori child would look even better though)

I was in a nice, fluffy mood when I wrote that. Unfortunately, as I’m going to get my computer back and will be able to start working on the Heathers AU again tonight, this will probably be the last you’ll see of Cinnamon Roll Evans for a while :) 

YES I read the new Kuro chapter! Honestly I disliked the 2CT for various reasons  but now that it’s actually become canon I think I feel a little better about it (also, is it just me or does ‘real’ Ciel look a bit different from 'our’ Ciel on the last page? His face looks too…perfect, if that makes sense). I’m excited to see what this means for Lizzy’s relationship with both Ciels and Undertaker’s connection to the Phantomhives!

Oh, actually I agree with you there? What I meant by 'op’ is more of a really strong character, not an overpowered one ^^;; sorry, I’ll try to explain myself better:

Super strong characters like Levi, Mikasa, the Titan Trio, Kaneki, Eto, Arima, Sebastian…they are all technically 'op’ (especially Sebastian, dude has literally no weaknesses so far). However, they work because they also have traits that interest us beyond just their strength. Kaneki is a lonely child, a selfish person with a fear of being left behind, drifting and unable to find a reason to live. Levi is an orphan who was raised by a serial killer- he clawed his way up to where he is now. Annie is a sixteen-year-old trained into a killing machine from childhood, she went through life believing that the only person she could trust was her father, and she was desperate to return to him.

(It’s also difficult because everyone seems to have a different definition of 'op’; I personally just use it to jokingly refer to powerful characters or when I talk about strong characters whose power levels are inconsistent with canon to the point where it gets ridiculous (example: we know titan shifters take some time to heal, so if a titan shifter came along who could be behaded then have their head instantly stick back onto their neck like some sort of AoT version of Noro, I’d consider them OP).)

I guess what I was trying to say was that it’s fine to have strong characters, just make sure that they have an actual personality (readers need a reason to care about the characters, after all!) and that their powers make sense? ^^;;

(Also, I think I might have sounded a bit passive-aggressive or rude during this convo about op characters, I'm really sorry if I did OTL I didn’t mean to, but when I reread my comments I realized they could come off that way)

I agree with you about the AoT OCs though. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of good ones…actually, most OCs I see for popular fandoms aren’t very interesting. Other than the powers or character designs the thing that bothers me is the lack of proper personality (why do so many people think 'happy’ is a personality trait???).

And definitely agree 100% on the angsty backstory. Like, that’s just overkill. There’s a difference between tragedy and being edgy. (It also sort of depends on how good the writer is at conveying emotion and handling the angst, but for the most part stuff like that is

That’s a great way to do things! :D I’m really, really disorganized when it comes to making characters…usually a concept pops into my head and I run with it, adding in details along the way. Tatsuo was created when I wanted to make a male TG OC and suddenly this image of a smug-looking guy with a long black ponytail popped into my head, Naomi started from the idea of making a character with the themes of 'self-discovery’ 'identity’ and 'lies’ woven into their arc. Louisa was literally born from an outfit- I randomly thought of an outfit that looked really pretty and traditionally feminine, yet was actually very practical when you looked closer. Then I tried to imagine what kind of person would wear these clothes and that was Louisa���

idk, I’m bad at explaining stuff haha

(also: Tatsuo was also inspired by various vampire characters I saw in anime/manga, books and TV shows. He’d be so offended if he knew LOL in fact, he just might serve me for dinner at the restaurant or something ;-;)

TYSM! I’m really glad you’ve liked all three of my OCs so far, thank you for listening to me ramble about my babies (actually only Naomi is my baby, Tatsuo and I disowned each other and Louisa moved out) <33333

As for Lou, I’ll send you some more info about her after I develop her a bit more if you like? :) For now, a few random things:

-rarely shows emotions like anger or sorrow

-not because she’s bottling them up, but because she’s learned how to handle them in a healthy way

-always smells like mint for some reason

-maybe because she’s addicted to mint tea

-her bodyguard suspects she doesn’t drink water at all and lives on the stuff

-she also likes strong flavors

-has the kind of bright, pretty smile that makes you want to trust her

-so you do

-and you (probably) get killed

-had a girlfriend named Iris once, a nice, sensible girl who managed to keep her from getting too buried in her work and various plans for her family and took care of her in ways that her bodyguard couldn’t (AKA somehow got her to realize that mint tea does not equal a proper meal)

-unfortunately Iris did not know that Lou can be a bit terrible

-she walked in on Lou casually wiping the blood off of her knife with the dead body of a certain businessman on the floor in front of her

-“Oh, Iris. What are you doing here, darling? I thought I asked the servants to keep you upstairs, my private meetings can be a bit messy… Iris? Love, are you quite alright? You look a little pale…”

-Well, that was the end of that relationship

XD the titan designs are one of the best things about AoT, in my opinion. You could make a gallery out of all the pictures of them that that have appeared in the anime and the manga so far lol

Oh, really? Hope you enjoy/ed the list then :D was it ok??? (Part 2 was intended to smash feels)

Sweet! That wasn’t so long ^^

I know you meant Voldy and Draco by the flower statement but...

I’m this close to finding a physical copy of the manga and throwing it in the fire while yelling ‘Lighten the fuck up’.

Gimme the Uta/Itori love child now, pretty please. Damn, that would be one attractive baby. 

And now I fear for my life. Great. Well, more for my hear than for my life, but whatever.

Well, I never really had a formed opinion on the 2CT theory, but I did read a few things about it. I didn’t expect it to be true, though. Welp, now we can assume it is true, and I am SHOOK Here’s an accurate description of me during the chapter.

I think that might be since he’s a tiny bit more similar to Vincent, while Our Ciel is more similar to Rachel. I mean, we know that there are physical differences between the two (if we assume that Real Ciel is the one who was previously Lizzy’s fiancé), because Real Ciel is taller than Our Ciel.

Yep, I definitely can’t wait to see where it’ll go from now. I remember seeing a post that said ‘This is the biggest shock to the fandom since we found out Undertaker was fuckable’

Also: Our!Ciel: three years ago I lost my dear twin brother to some cultists and a demon. Real!Ciel: Quit telling everyone I'm dead! Our!Ciel: Sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Oh, I see! I always think of OP as OverPowered, that’s why I got a bit defensive ^^;;;;;

Well, like you said, everyone has their own definition of OP.  Sometimes, I’ll even think of OCs who have trait that’s already specific to another character as OP, like Titan-Shifter OCs, or OCs with a plot basically the same to a canon character (not OP but very irritating) And don’t get me started on Demon-Contracted OCs in the Kuro fandom. Those make me want to defenestrate myself.

Yup, I have no problems with strong characters as long as they’re not ridiculously strong and aren’t there purely because of that power, but they also have personality.

Don’t worry, I reread my original statement about OP characters and was like ‘man this sounds so bitchy and high and might hnnnngh’ but couldn’t find a way to rephrase it properly ^^;; So, no worries, I know how you feel ^^

Well, for some reason, it seems that the people who make believable OCs are either lazy or scared to post theirs. Or they simply don’t care. The ones with Mary Sues like to holler at people with ‘LOOK AT MY BAE CHARACTER AREN’T THEY PERFECT???’

There’s this blog I follow (it’s gone inactive, unfortunately) that takes Mary Sues and breaks them down (well, the correct term would be make fun of, but they do offer some advice on how to improve them), and you wouldn’t believe the shit I found there.  Here’s the link if you want.

For some reason, people seem to think that the edgier the backstory, the ‘more original’ the character, which (of course) isn’t true, because that means everyone will have a super tragic backstory that no longer makes sense.  Another thing I’ve noticed is that they sometimes avoid some pretty important details like ‘Character was born into a healthy, happy family. One thing led to another and the family was killed, while character was molested (a very common backstory theme) and taken in by a cult’ and I’m like ???

My character usually start out like this: *luna is watching a show*  OK BUT WHAT IF THERE WAS A CHARACTER WHO-

And so a new character is born. 

But your ways of starting a character are also quite interesting ^^ Especially by looking at an outfit!  I ALWAYS WANNA LISTEN TO YOU RAMBLE ABOUT CHARACTERS! 

Titans make me laugh, honestly. Like, these are supposed to be the main bad creatures? Steampunk zombies (kabaneri) look scarier than that.

It was the hulk smash of feels :-))))

[queercapwriting]

Ok I'm trying to keep hope, so what if Kara is really only getting with Mon-El so that she can deny and push down her feelings for Lena? Bc if not the idek what to think just I really hope that's all it is.

Oh honey, the Swan Queen fandom has been doing this for years, and it is a beautiful and clever and necessary coping mechanism. Here. Enjoy.

Alex calls for an emergency Sisters’ Night. In fact, shedemands it.

And Kara is excited, because Rao, does she need to talk toAlex. And Rao, does she need to hear Alex talk, because so much is going onwith Maggie, and with her lab work to find Jeremiah, and with J’onn missingM’gann, and with just… everything.

But even more than talking, Kara just wants to snuggle onthe couch with her big sister.

So when Alex lets herself into her apartment and Maggietrails in apologetically behind her, Kara bristles.

She adjusts her glasses and she forces a smile. “HeyMaggie,” she strains, reminding herself sternly that Maggie has been through somuch, that Maggie was just retraumatized, that Maggie is probably going to beher sister-in-law one day, so might as well start attending Sisters’ Nightsnow, right?

But Alex is throwing up her hands and taking Kara by theshoulders, because she knows her sister, and she knows the war that’s raging inher head, in her heart.

“So, Kara, I lied. I want to do Sisters’ Night, just you andme. Because Sisters’ Night will always just be for us. But, tomorrow. Nottonight. I lied, and I’m sorry about that, but I was afraid you’d tell us notto come over if I told you…”

Kara backs away from Alex and furrows her brow.

“If you told me what?”

“We’re worried about you, Kara,” Maggie chimes, and holdsout a bag of potstickers that Kara hadn’t noticed before, and Kara snatches themwith narrowed eyes and a suspicious glare.

She sits down with a grunt and begrudgingly nods her sisterand her sister’s girlfriend to do the same. Alex and Maggie exchange a glance,and it’s like they can read each other’s minds, they work together soseamlessly.

Kara feels a stab of something like jealousy, but she knowsit’s not about Alex. She’s purely happy for Alex. It’s about something else,something different. Something that she hopes against hope that Alex an Maggiearen’t going to try to make her talk about, because Rao, she doesn’t know howshe can handle it if they do.

She tears into the potstickers and blinks. “So, what are youworried about?”

Maggie and Alex exchange that glance again, and Alex leansforward and puts her hand on Kara’s knee.

“Kara, you know I respect you. And I respect your judgment,and I respect your heart. I love what a big heart you have. It’s what makes youa hero. But Kara, I…”

“You’re getting with Mon-El, Little Danvers, even though youreally kind of seem to hate him, and that’s… we’re worried about you, Kara. Notbecause we don’t think you can handle yourself, or because we don’t respectyour decisions, but because I… we… we know what it’s like to be with someonebecause you feel like you have to, not because you really want to.”

Kara nearly chokes on a potsticker, and Alex thumps her backmechanically, her eyes fixed on her sister’s face.

“That’s ridiculous,” she splutters when she finallyswallows. “I don’t feel like I have to do anything, I’m Supergirl,I – ”

“Well, Mon-El doesn’t seem to respect that, and you don’tseem to think he does, either.”

“I’ve never told you anything like – what are you talkingabout, I – ”

“Kara,” Maggie says, her voice soft and her voice full ofunderstanding pain, mixed with the beginnings of ironic humor. “The entire DEOheard you yelling at him. And lemme tell you, for secret agents, your peopleare pretty terrible at, you know. Keeping secrets.”

Alex mock-glares at Maggie before leveling Kara with a lookof significant concern.

“Oh please, Detective, it’s not like any of that wasa secret. Kara was shouting what a misogynist, unsupportive,manipulative, disrespectful, gaslighting, mansplaining – ”

“Nice new vocab, Danvers.”

“Thanks babe, I’m trying.”

“Alex, I – ”

“Oh, I’m sorry Kara, did you want me to stop that list?”Alex’s tone, the way she’s caressing Kara’s face, is much softer than herwords. “Because I don’t have to. I have more, and they all seem to have comefrom your mouth in one way or another – ”

“Alex – ”

“And I love you, Kara. I love you, more thananything, more than life itself, so here’s the thing I can’t understand: whyare you throwing yourself at this guy when he spends every waking minute tryingto stomp all over the powerful woman that you are? It would be like me actuallygoing for Max Lord or something – ”

“You and Maxwell Lord were a thing?”

“Ew, god, no, which is exactly why I can’t understand whatyou’re thinking, Kara.”

“And she’s not blaming you, Little Danvers, no one’s angryat you – ”

“No, Maggie’s right, I’m not, I just – ”

“We’re just worried, Kara. Your sister loves you, and I’mgrowing to love you, a lot, and hell, even J’onn asked us – and believe you me,it was as awkward as it sounds – if we could talk to you to make sure you’rereally okay, because this is… we’re worried about you, Kara. So are you? Okay?”

Maybe it’s something in Maggie’s soft eyes, or maybe it’sthe way Alex is stroking her hair, or maybe it’s the way they’re both goingthrough so much of their own struggles right now, but they’re making it a pointto check in with her. Or maybe it’s all of it, everything, the way his handswere too fast and his tongue too eager, the way he’s an okay guy, she supposes,but as a wayward brother or something, not as a lover, but she was so worn downand she’s just so tired and maybe it’s everything, all of it, because Karabreaks.

She breaks into her sister’s arms and immediately she feelsthe walls of Alex’s love rise up around her, protecting her from all herenemies, protecting her from herself.

Immediately she hears Maggie kneel down in front of thesisters, in front of her Danvers girls, a hand on Alex’s knee and a handhovering over the small of Kara’s back until Kara nods through her sobbing thatMaggie can touch her, of course Maggie can touch her, because god it feels goodto be held by two women who love her for exactly who she is, not for what theyimagine her to be, what they wish she were.

“I’m so…” She gasps wildly for breath and Alex kisses herforehead, smoothes her hair, rocks her, rocks her, rocks her. “I’m so scared,Alex,” she chokes through her gasping, through her tears.

“Shhh, I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you, Kara. I love you, Ilove you, shhhhh. Cry it out, Kara, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,always. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”

Tears bite at Alex’s eyes, and she glances down acrossKara’s body to meet Maggie’s, and she’s almost surprised to see tears gleamingin Maggie’s eyes, as well, and she knows it’s not the time, but she also knows,beyond doubt, that she’s in love with her.

Kara grabs at the back of Alex’s sweater and is forciblyreminded of when Cat grabbed at the back of Supergirl’s suit – her suit– and it’s suddenly all too much, suddenly all needs to come out, no matter howscared she is.

Suddenly, she knows she needs to dive.

“I didn’t want to, Alex, I didn’t want to because you werejust coming out and I’ve taken so much from you, so much attention, for so manyyears, I didn’t want to do it again – ”

“Kara, it’s okay, everything’s okay. I’m not angry, I’m notgoing to be angry, but what… what are you talking about?”

Alex’s face is a map of compassionate confusion and Maggie’sface is a map of compassionate realization, and she glances at Alex because herewe go again.

“I was in love with James, so… so in love with him,” Karagasps, and Maggie nods slowly, and Alex just tries to keep up as she wipesKara’s running nose with the tissue Maggie passes her.

“And kissing him was nice, it was… he was lovely, he is lovely,and I love him, I do, but it… it didn’t feel… ka-pow.”

Alex smiles uncomprehendingly but supportively, and Maggiesmiles knowingly, and they both rub soothing circles onto Kara’s skin as shegathers the courage to continue.

“And I didn’t understand it, I didn’t have to words for it,but then… but then you came out and I was doing research, for you, and I found…I found out that you can be in love, straight love, but not want to have sexwith men, be asexual towards men, even though you can be in love with them… andthat you can… you can also… at the same time…”

She glances down at Maggie, and Maggie nods slowly at her, asmall smile on her lips, because like sister like sister.

“You can also like girls. Women. Romantically. And evensexually.”

Comprehension starts to dawn on Alex’s face now, too, andshe gets flashes of Kara spending so many nights crying when Cat left NationalCity, of her terror when Livewire got loose again, because Livewire had tried,so hard, to kill Cat.

Of Kara adjusting her glasses a bit extra whenever Lena cameup in conversation.

Of Kara steadfastly refusing to lose faith in Lena, evenwhen everything looked, well, grim.

Of Kara’s desperation to find her. Of hermore-than-just-everyday-heroics willingness to die for her. Of her beautifully,passionately written article vindicating her.

“Kara,” is all Alex says, all Alex can say, as she pulls herlittle sister in closer, closer, closer.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Kara chokes, pushing back, pushing away,so she can look Alex in the face. “I don’t want to take attention away fromyour coming out, I don’t… I don’t even know what to label it all, I just knowthat I… I’m so scared that if I…”

“If you don’t throw yourself into the most easily availablething – if you don’t surrender to the guilt he’s putting you through – you’llhave to confront your feelings for Lena Luthor,” Maggie supplies softly,softly, because Kara is shaking so badly, and Maggie knows that look, knowswhen someone needs to hear the words before they can say them themselves, andsure enough, when Maggie says it, Kara stops trembling quite so much, and hertears become of the silent variety, and she nods, nods, nods.

“Please don’t be mad,” she whispers to Alex, and Alex doesnothing but shake her head and kiss her face, tears and snot and all.

“Kara, listen to me. I need you to really listen, and Ineed…” She glances down at Maggie as she cups Kara’s cheeks in her hands, andMaggie gives her a small smile. “I need you to really hear me. I wouldnever, ever, ever be mad at you for loving whoever you love. However youlove them. Because whoever you love, and whatever kind of love it is, whateverkind of intimacy you want with them? That’s absolutely fine. It’s absolutelyperfect. You’re absolutely fine. You’re absolutely perfect. And I would neverbe angry at you, or disappointed in you, or resentful toward you, for being whoyou are. I promise. Alright?”

Kara shudders and smiles and reaches for the last of thepotstickers.

Alex chuckles and Maggie laughs and Kara chews with abashful smile.

“Will you help me break up with him? I still care about him,as a person – ”

“We both will, Kara. Whatever you need.”

“You got it, Little Danvers.”

“And then… then maybe you can help me talk to Lena?”

Alex groans with a smile and Maggie laughs and puts bothhands on Kara’s thighs as she stands up to slip onto her girlfriend’s mock-traumatizedlap.

“Of course we will, Little Danvers. Of course we will.”

[survivorazores]

Bonus Ponderosa Episode - “ I'm so over dramatic lmao.............. it's fine I'm a Gemini “ - Emily

During the late stages of the game, the jury agreed that they were missing writing confessionals, so a Ponderosa Confessional Link was established. Enjoy reading their late game thoughts!

this jury is so cute I love it??? A LOT???

I love... Anal Beads. But the jury tea is that if Amanda Lynn does not get voted out in the last few tribals, she will win. Like there is no scenario in my head where Amanda doesn't win if she makes final three. If they actually allow her to do that, they deserve to lose. Meanwhile, discount Amanda Lynn (Abbey) is going to lose and Goat-li T is still pretending he knows what he is doing. He thinks that he's this big player, but all he's done is coast and made bad game moves. It's ridiculous. Like get a grip and make good decisions. You vote out Mo? A person who had your back? He's so weak. I would never vote for him in the end, even if he did get Amanda Lynn out. That's the true tea.

Ok Raffy, bless his heart but he needs to stop talking over people

I love jury, it's so much less stressful than the game. But I'm really emo I'm not playing anymore. :-( I wanted to win... But we all did. And only one person can win. And it's only my first game! I have more opportunities to play and possibly win. But I love everyone in jury!!! Everyone is nice!!! And funny!!! And I love them!!!  It warmed my heart that they are were pulling for me :-) but now they're all pulling for Amanda Lynn, whom I stan so hard. Girlie is playing a great game. I'm proud of her. I want to see her at FTC so bad!!! With Francie and Abbey hopefully. I like them but I don't want them to win. I also want to roast the Gal Pals on the low key. Like a passive aggressive roast? It's fine though I'm truly not bitter and I wish the best for all of them :-) but I wish I was there. There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently, but it's too late to change now. Hopefully I will get the chance to prove myself later on, but for now I'll root for Amanda Lynn and hope my jury friends will vote with me. Also, Ali has a cool face shape. Ali, show us your jaw line.

"I love anal beads"

Alleyway was robbed during Athena 8. It's a fact. Alleyway is best host. What good bean. A tall bean. A way bean. An alley bean. An alleyway. I stan for Alleyway.

I just feel like saying everything that's been on my mind for the past week now...  Fuck William!!!! I'm still very bitter about him using the idol and I feel very stupid for not using my idol too. I could've easily gotten Emily out just like that, but I didn't. I'm not stupid, I knew she was better than me and I knew I would eventually have to get her out. I feel really really stupid for not using it, though. I'll never forget that decision. I don't know why I felt so secure going into tribal, but it never occurred to me that I could just get idoled out. I don't know why I didn't pull out my idol when Ali said: "Oh yeah Will stands up and uses his idol!" Anyways, Ali T. and Will are snakes and liars and they suck and they can go eat shit for all I care. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when one of them goes home tomorrow. You already know I'm going to fight them so hard when they get to Ponderosa. No bad blood, though, no bad blood. It's just a game, but in this game, they can eat shit! I don't know why Will had it out for me because I lied to him... once. He literally flipped on me and Raffy and didn't vote Ruthie out... that's such a dick move. Of course I lied to him, this is a game of lying and deceit... but you literally flipped on one of my closest allies and got him out. Also, really? You got me out? You could've gotten the biggest threat in the game out, but you're just a dumbass aren't you? Mhm, yes you are. Also, I can't wait to spoil Game of Thrones for you when you get out! It's going to be so funny to see the look on your face. It's just gonna be spectacular, fucking spectacular! I know you're probably wondering how I feel about Emily getting voted out. I'm really sad that she got voted out. I saw her winning the game. I saw her making it far. A few hours before I left, she told me that she was going to break the record for the most immunities won in the series. I was like girl, that's really the worst thing you can do. That puts the hugest target on your back. Yeah, I know you had a target on your back, but you can't just go out and win every single immunity challenge. That's not really how you should play the game in my opinion because obviously people are going to target the comp beast. That's what I think might be Amanda Lynn's downfall in the future. I love Emily with all my heart. She's my best friend and I'm very happy that you two put us on the same season. If you didn't, we wouldn't have ever met. I'm really grateful to have her and Toph and Raffy and Bryce and even Mo and Gwen. Everyone in the jury is really cool. I'm loving everyone so far which is why this game is heartbreaking to me. I love everyone in the jury and I feel like we all deserve a second chance, we were all so robbed. So, that's my tea for today. I didn't even type this, I'm speaking into my phone because I knew I had so much to say. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, it's just my iPhone taking over and I am relying on how I annunciate, so good luck with reading this properly! I edited this, but it's almost 3am, don't judge me for errors. I also felt like being OTTNN5 for this confessional because in the immunity challenge, I saw people being ruthless towards each other. I didn't really want to do that during the game not because I didn't want to be rude, I just didn't want to come off as me bullying someone. After I read what Toph said, I think this confessional is juuust fine.

I will be very shocked if neither Will or Ruthie come in next. It will certainly benefit their winner chance if they got out discount Amanda Lynn so that Amanda Lynn loses the numbers. Also, one person has the idol. If it happens to be one of the two mentioned previously, then it would be almost a guarantee win if they are not with Amanda Lynn, So excited! Though if Ali comes in next, then I will laugh. Mo will say "I told you so." That would be hilarious.

I can't wait for Ali to play his idol (hopefully on Abbey) and everyone be severely shooketh. And I hope that I see Will up in jury tonight!!! Tonight shall be litty.

I am so excited for this tribal! Apparently things are HAPPENING in the tribe chat and I can't wait to see how things play out. I will be shook, and someone will play an idol. I love it! The drama? The tea? Here we go!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! I don't want to see Francie. I don't want to see Abbey. I want to see Ali, Will, or Ruthie. The thing that would be AMAZING is if Ali T gave his idol to Abbey/decides to play it on Abbey and then HE GETS VOTES!!! AND GOES HOME!!! The biggest mistake ever. I loves it. Jay and Ali M keep saying shit is going down and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE SHIT!!! I'm gonna nut so hard oh my god. I'm devastated that I'm not there, but I'm so excited for another juror!!! I am lit. I am so lit. AHHHH!!!!

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164424815603/tribal-15-abbey-and-ruthie-tied-3-3-revote-tied

I'm so shook by this tribal. I cannot believe this would happen. Not only did they go to rocks, but Amanda Lynn was also exposed! If she doesn't go next, then she really deserves that win. Like she would be doing that. Also, an idol misplay, in front of my final 6? NUT. It's so good! I love every second I get to watch this unfold. Like I love the jury. Can't wait for Amanda Lynn to win.

The eclipse was a disappointment but at least last night's tribal wasn't! I was so lit. A tie. A misused idol. A revote tie. Everyone is miserable. Someone said they regretted voting me out ... as they should. Tribal went to rocks. The person who played the idol ends up going home. An iconic tribal to say the least. I just wish I was there for it :-/

But now that Ali is here in Ponderosa, I'm trying to make sure people don't roast him too hard. He had a lot of bad moves but he's a nice person and doesn't deserve too much shit. I've been thinking about playing more games but I'm too scared to sign up right now... I just feel like there's a hole in my heart I NEED TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME!!! I'm so over dramatic lmao.............. it's fine I'm a Gemini.

I'm gonna roast the fuck out of Will in FTC

Will won immunity! I can't wait to see Amanda Lynn come in next! It'll be so lit! I love this song!

I am really fucking pissed that Will won this immunity challenge. He's quite possibly the last person I ever wanted to win the final five immunity. This fucking sucks, he can't go home until least final four. I think this loss is what's going to be detrimental to Amanda Lynn. I really wanted to see her win, so I'm pretty disappointed. Unless for some weird reason Francie or Ruthie decides to keep her, I'm pretty sure she's going home. If, however, she can pull a trick out of her sleeve and stay in the game, there's no doubt in my mind that she's getting my vote to win. She's really smart and strategic and has won a lot of immunity competitions. If she can stay during this tribal where she didn't have immunity where it seems like it would be the best idea to go against her, then I will be very impressed with her entire game. She will no doubt in my mind have my vote.

I'm really happy about what happened with the whole rock situation, but it would've been better if Ali T. used it on himself. If he did, Will could've been rocked out. That would've been the cherry on top of everything... Oh my god, that would've been awesome because Game of Thrones wasn't on until an hour after tribal. I could've spoiled what happened in Game of Thrones to Will. I would've laughed really hard and I know that's a terrible thing to do, but you know what?? This boy, oh... This boy has pissed me off in many, many ways. Oh, so many ways... I can probably make a show about it... There'll be more than 13 reasons why.

The more and more people that come to Ponderosa (I mean it's only been Ali but........ ignoring that), the sadder I get that I didn't make a move when I did. I could've stayed a little longer had I executed the plans I came up with. I should've taken a risk. I should have. But I didn't!!! Oh well - I will play more games and take more risks!!! I can't just sit around and hope next game I play. I need to make things happen for myself. Also, knowing that Ali wanted to play his idol on me but didn't makes me want to vomit inside. I was so like so close to staying another round. Winning another challenge? Going to final five? Getting Amanda Lynn out??? Who KNOWS dude like!!! I just wish I was still there. But Ponderosa is nice because I just started school and I don't feel like I need to be constantly chatting and thinking up plans; I can just relax and study for the SAT. I am still sad but it's definitely less stressful. I am NOT excited that Will won immunity though. Will was the one I wanted to see in jury next. I do not want him going to final four NO I DO NOT! I would DIE if I see Amanda Lynn here next tribal. I cannot deal with that no I cannot. I don't want to vote for anyone else!!!!!!!! UGH!!! But also, assessing everyone's game post my tribal, things have gone to shit. That makes me think that voting me out was a good idea, just not at final seven. The Gal Pals sort of split up because they kept Francie in the dark over a plan she would've gone along with. Francie lost all trust she had for Amanda and Abbey. And before I left, I put lots of distrust for Amanda Lynn in Ali. He called her out for being a snake, misplayed his idol, got rocked out, now he's here. I feel bad. He's such a sweet person. I'm stressed about tribal tonight I DON'T WANT AMANDA LYNN GOING! But I also don't want Abbey or Francie to go. So Ruthie is the only option at this point. I want my Gal Pals to make it to final three together :-( even though they voted me out (Well, Francie didn't.) I still want to see them succeed. I love them! They're all such sweet girls and they're all worthy of FTC! Ugh. I'm nervous for tonight. I'm going to pray to the Survivor Gods that Francie, Abbey, and Amanda stay together and vote out Ruthie... But I'm doubtful. After Abbey and Amanda betraying Francie like they did, it will be hard for Francie to trust them again. Understandably so. And Francie is a smart girl and should know that she can't win against Amanda. Ugh. This is sad... I don't want Amanda coming to Ponderosa but I think it's inevitable. :-(

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164502055958/tribal-15-ruthie-voted-out-3-2-amanda-lynn

Ruthie went home! I'm so sad... This is like.... the worst. Why would they keep Amanda Lynn. She is literally winning!!!! Now she'll win final immunity and win. Though I don't want to vote for any of them besides Amanda Lynn.

Francie is me! Lmao! Will better fall immediately. Emily is a queen of taking out those who betrayed her. AMANDA NO!!! YOU NEED TO WIN. Bryce always being forgotten XD. Will is winning (eye roll).

Also, I do not want to vote for anyone in this final 4 besides Amanda LYnn. So she better pull through

I'm rooting for Will even though I'm upset with him and I'm excited what the final 4 have to say about me.

I'm going to go get my nails did so I can be flashy for the FTC

I would rather die than not get the chance to vote for Amanda Lynn this coming tribal... I'm so emo. I think she's going to be going out. I don't want that!!! Keep that away!!! I don't want to have to vote for Will. And like I probably won't anyway. It'll depend on the jury question and answers but.................. sigh. I just want to vote for Amanda so bad. She deserves it!!! Wtf!!! If she goes, she's robbed. She deserved to win. And I'm gonna be bitter if she goes. But I'll still vote non-bitterly. Just upset she's not there.

I haven't made a Jury Puzzle (tm) in a while. I'm gonna go work on one before I have to leave for rehearsal. I'm also excited for tribal tonight. >:-) I low key want it to go to fire bwahaha. That would be cute. But if Amanda Lynn lost... Not cute. Anyways, I can't wait!!!

Oops been not as active but I was happy that Ali came next but sad about ruthie. I wanted her in the f3 :/. But I love that the game seems to still be up in the air

I was legit shaking reading the rites of passage because I was scared of what they thought of me, and everytime I read a name I knew it was getting close to my own and ugsjshshsjssk so many emotions

Post-Rites. It makes me feel kind of sad and nostalgic reading those. Remembering everything that happened is such a trip and I know that this expierence was more than I could've asked for in a game from the Tumblr Survivor ORG community. This is my first time ever doing something like this and I'm happy that I've played and met the people that I did. I love everyone that played with me and the hosts were the best I ever could have asked for. Jay with her golden catchphrase "could not comment" and Ali's good bean personality really enhanced my expierence. That's my parents America. It's been a ride but I'd like to thank the hosts for ever even casting me. <3

SOOOOOO emo about Rites of Passage. Everyone was so nice—especially Will. He makes me feel bad about every single bad thing I ever said about him. Everyone was so sweet to me and it just warms my heart. I'm so happy. This cast is so kind. I'm just so so so so so happy. :-) I don't want to watch this final tribal. I don't want to see anyone go!!! They all deserve F3!!! UGH

Probably my last video confessional. Warning, I scream a lot. And this was BEFORE tribal. http://youtu.be/EMTgssAC8CM

#WillExposedParty! Amanda Lynn, the second true winner, may have been eliminated, but she spilled the tea! Will is, in my eyes, not a deserving winner because he literally said in the last tribal "I do not care if I win". Also, every time he has never made a new game move. He was lied to by Amanda Lynn and Abbey, but still trusts them!? I'm sorry that is not something who deserves to win. Francie is most likely due to her not getting a single vote this entire time, being always on the right side of the vote, and being a not so shitty gameplayers.

I'm  so proud of Francie honestly she has my vote right now I'm not sure if the FTC will either change my mind or solidify my vote even further. I'm not fond of Abbey's gameplay because in the chat message with Will and Amanda she sounded like she knew she want gonna win and she didn't care if she was voted out. And Will is Will so... I mean he said we can be mean?

Jury Roundtable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ITz7tWn4uM

My favorite part about jury is being able to drag Ali T to the ground and not having to worry about getting his jury vote.

Queen Latifah

I have never been more proud of a final three!  If I was bitter in the slightest before I definitely am not now.  I am 100% voting for Will to win, but I will rewatch the broadcast because I missed some of it I'm pretty sure.  I won't be upset if Abbey or Francie win, I am SUPER proud and I want Will to win but I think everyone in the final three is super deserving!

That was a very fulfilling FTC in my opinion. Before final tribal council, I was stuck between Will and Francie. Now, I think I'm going to vote for Abbey to win (character development). I think from hearing about her strategy, she does deserve to win. Obviously, being a juror I couldn't see what she was thinking, but this tribal council really changed my perspective on her game. I really hope she wins. I can't wait to join the viewing lounge because I'm just really excited to be part of the community. I'm really grateful that I got the opportunity to join this. Jay, thank you so much for sending me the application. It changed my life truly for the best. I met a lot of great people during this game. I think I'm going to be friends with almost everybody. Thank you, Ali, for being a pure host. Thank you, Jay, for dragging me because I love it. Thanks to everyone that was cast for this game, I made great friends.

Ugh Im feeling so terrible I didn't mean for my question to throw will off! I thought it was kind of easy DSFKJDSFKDS. But his answer was still good! Abbey answered her questions like a pro and Francie, while nervous, still slayed it. Im conflicted on who to vote but still leaning towards will eeeeek

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR1DMryhBLQ Thank you to everyone!

Zoe, you are truly robbed queen. I really can't wait to talk to you after this is over, you're really funny on Twitter. Aundra, you seem like a cool guy but I didn't really get to know you but hopefully will kick back in viewing lounge. Ray, I've actually really never talked to you. I'm sorry about that and again, I hope we can kick it in the VL. Toph, well shit got real because of you. You could've been a really great villain if you got far. I hope you get far in Atomic Survivor, though. Raffy, I hope you go far in Kuang Si. Stop dragging me and Emily pleathe and thank you. Ricky, oh my god you're such a sweet person. I can't wait to talk to you after this because I genuinely like you as a human being. Nayeli, Long Island queen, other than Gwen. I'm sorry that I voted you out, it was just because you had an idol. I hope we get to be friends. Ashley, we didn't talk much, but you seemed like a sweet girl. Gwen, oh my God I love you!! "Fuck I need to boil the sauce." I hope we can get closer after the game. Michael, your drags were iconic but they got you kicked out of the jury. Thank you for calling me a used napkin. Bryce, I love you so much you're such a sweet person. Good luck in the hurricane :). Mo, pun king! I love you, you're like the best person in Ponderosa. Emily, oh my God! Hopefully we can get on a game together and do this ride or die thing correctly so that we can get to f3 and I will win. I love you so much, you're my best friend here and you're really fucking sweet. Ali T., you're really funny and I know you think I probably hate you, I really don't. Don't come for Emily, though pleathe and thank you. Ruthie, you're a crackedt disney queen. You're awesome and I wish you were in final three. I really wanted to see what would you say in your speech. Amanda Lynn, you were robbed of not going to final three. I would have voted for you in a heartbeat. We wouldn't even need to go FTC. You seem like a really nice person and I look forward to getting to know you after this. Will, we've had our ups and downs, but you're really cool guy. I'm glad that we can watch the season finale of Game of Thrones together because the last few episodes, I was in Ponderosa. Francie you're a pun queen. You're awesome and I'm really proud that you got to FTC at your first game. That's an accomplishment that I wish I could've achieved... It's fine though!! I like seeing my fellow newbies get really far. Abbey, queen of getting my vote!! Wig!!! Your dog is adorable and I support you in everything that you do. Thank you for everything, guys, I really love all of you and I can't wait to get closer with all of you.

Okay so I'm gonna make a pro/con list because I'm still stuck. Will: Pro: Successful idol play. Won immunities when he had to. Was in the the know on a lot of votes even tho he wasn't in the majority.  Had good jury management with me. Had an idol played on him by someone else even if didn't happen for the smartest reasons. Con: Was a minority voter often. Didn't make a lot of big moves. Had bad jury management with Amanda Lynn. Doesn't know two facts about everyone. Francie: Pro: Was always in the majority except for the Emily vote. Had influence over some votes. Has great puns. Was very loyal. Con: Was very loyal and willing to go to the end  with someone who could beat her hands down. Abbey: Pro: Had a lot of control of the game with the gal pals alliance. Was always not the biggest threat with Amanda so had a shield. Had a good FTC showing. Con: Was willing to go to rocks and potentially go home against someone who had proven to be a competition threat. EEEEK IDK

Just voted and feel so sad I can't vote for everyone ;(.