#and i do not care if they dont deserve it i am SICK AND TIRED

[kyurilin]

"plan ahead for a healthy and happy holiday" YES THANK YOU CVS I TRIED TO PLAN AHEAD BUT YOU DROPPED THE BALL ON REFILLING MY ADHD MEDS FOR THE THIRD TIME IN 2023 and frankly if they fuck me over again on today the 29th when they've told me since the 18th that it will be ready i will be punching a pharmacist for flat out lying :)

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

[nomairuins]

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

[faggot4faggothour]

ohhh questioning the point of life again .

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[gloveslut]

why would you wanna do that?

'cause it's the right thing.

the right thing?

yeah.

but...

no. dont lie to me. you know what a horrible kind of a person i am. you can't just say 'it's not like that' or something. i don't wanna hear any positive-thinking shit. i'm sick of it.

and it doesn't help.

i know. that's why i...

you don't know. you don't fucking know. you don't know anything. cool that you wanna seem like a nice guy and help your old friend with his shit, but fuck. it's worse if you do it that way. it just sucks, what can i say.

you dont wanna talk.

yes.

'kay. i'll wait.

you won't. it would be too much. just too much. i don't know, chuuya. why would you wait, like really? i act like you're a fucking devil and like you don't deserve respect. i'm a monster. you all know that. all they do. everybody. some just don't wanna 'hurt' me as it wont hurt more if they fake their kindness. or they just lie to themselves. i'm tired of it. wasted. you can't be stupid to be anything like them. i relied on you too many times only to someday find out that you were just very naive the whole time. you can't say i can be saved. in any case, i don't wanna be. and it's my fucking choice. there's no place in this world for suckers like me. nobody wants you for you when you're a monster. you must have money or beauty. i have money. and i won't, fuck, i don't wanna think that you could ever be with me just for money. you're rich as fuck and you have every resource to happily live without me. but you know why i talk about it in the first place? i just don't understand. i have no fucking idea why would you care about me for even a little bit. it doesnt work in my mind. i fucking know the answer for this. but it simply can't work. you wanting me. what a great joke. but then i have another question. if it's not mercantilism and not stupidity, then what? i'm scared of hearing the answer from your lips. i really am. if it's... if it's what i think it is... it's ass. it also can be the wrong one, but i don't have any other guesses. hell, i love you. and i have a plan if you don't love me back. i'm just asking for a kiss. just a short one. any kind of. just... just to get off. i can't do it anymore, i want you, but it would be so bad for both of us. fuck. obviously, i said too much. man, don't stare at me. do something.

i love you, too. heck, there are so many things we should discuss. but now... fuck, i can give you a kiss but in a kinda... kinda ireallyloveyouasshole way. like i don't want it to be our finish. i want it to last. i want you. i don't know how to prove it, but...

you dont have to. i know i... i said... well, i told you, i said too much. but that's just how my brain sounds. and i... i can't tell what is true or anything- oh, just fuck it. kiss me.

but we should...

we will. anything you want. anything you... we need. just let it start. kiss me.

how many times will you repeat it?

until you wont do it. kiss me. please.

oh... okay.

[nicolesainz]

Sweet Nothing (MM19)

Mason Mount x reader

Summary : Y/N is Ben Chilwell’s younger sister and they are on vacation with some of the England boys and their girlfriends. In the meantime, Y/N, will be faced with a big heartbreak, which only one man can heal

Warnings: Angst, bit swearing, and a lot bit of fluff (Author’s note : I DONT HATE MAX VERSTAPPEN. Everything is for the sake of the story)

“Okay, who wants to go clubbing?” Declan asks everyone on the group. Lauren, himself, Jack, Kai, Sophia and Ben all raise their hands.

Y/N doesn’t raise her hand, as she’s been feeling quite sick the whole day. The group is being understanding towards her.

“Y/N, should stay here and rest. If something happens, me and Lauren will come back and take care of her” Sophia says while Lauren and the boys nod in agreement

“I’m so sorry to be the buzzkill guys. I promise it’s only for tonight” she apologizes to her friends and brother for not joining their plans.

“Please don’t, we’d all do the same if we were in your position” Grealish replies giving her a sympathetic smile.

“What bout you Mase? Gonna join?” Ben asks his teammate who hadn’t replied to the vote, being too engrossed on his phone. 

Mason still didn't reply and had a blunt look on his face. 

“Earth to Mason!” Declan snapped his fingers and Mason removed his eyes from the screen, looking around to all of his friends and Y/N, who was sitting all curled up in pain. 

“What? What are we voting for?” 

“Will you come with us at the club or stay here with Y/N?” Kai asks him and his eyes immediately fall on Y/N once again. Oh his heart was aching with what he had just read and seen. 

“Not feeling like going out. I will take care of your sister, Ben. If anything happens, I will alert you” the footballer replies to all of his friends, standing up and crossing his arms.

“Sure mate? You doing alright? Seemed too worried with what you may have seen on your phone” Jack asks worryingly 

“Oh yes sorry. No, it wasn't anything. I just blacked out for a moment” he replies with a faint smile

“Alright then. Everyone go get dressed. We will meet downstairs in 45 minutes” Declan says and everyone goes back to their room. 

Before Y/N could reach her door knob, she grabs Mason by the arm firmly. She knew that something was troubling him and wanted to help however she could. 

Ever since Ben joined Chelsea, Mason had been one of the teammates that she grew really close with. They were both in a relationship by the time they met, although when Mason broke up with his girlfriend, his feelings towards Ben’s sister changed drastically. 

Whenever she would show up at the games alone, he wouldn't miss a chance of talking to her or simply be around her presence. Although when her boyfriend was with her, he solely greeted the both of them and then left. He respected that she was in a relationship and didn't want to make a move. 

“Mase, are you okay? I know you said to Jack that everything was alright, but I know you. If something is up, you can tell me. I will help you no matter what”

If he could cry at the moment, he would have. She didn't deserve what had happened to her and Mason wanted to wrap her around him and hold her forever. 

“Thank you Y/N, but I am alright. Just tired and exhausted from all the jet lag. That's all. How are you feeling? Should I bring you something?” the kind footballer replied, inching closer to her

“My stomach aches, but nothing I can't handle. I will try not to disturb you, while we are here” 

“Nonsense, you can come at me, if you need anything. Just name it and I will give it to you” he meant the last phrase both figuratively and literally. He’d do anything to make her happy. 

She gave Mason a tight hug and a soft kiss on the cheek. Sometimes she even questioned herself, why she was in a relationship with a guy that barely paid attention to her, in comparison with a guy who always makes time to check on her. 

After everyone had left, Mason was sitting in his room, reading a book, when he heard Y/N, yelling and screaming. His worst fear, had come alive.

“You’re a fucking dick Max! I gave you space and didn't attend all the races like you asked me to! Did I do anything wrong? tell me!” her eyes were full of tears and that's the first thing Mason was faced with when he burst into her room. 

Mason, a few hours ago, had seen the pictures of Max and Kelly Piquet attending the Monaco Grand Prix together and kissing in the garage. He wanted to throw up, knowing that Y/N, was in a completely different country and being cheated on by her boyfriend of 4 years. 

“It was always Red Bull first and I wasn't even a simple thought to you! I understand that work comes first, but you barely called whenever you were away!”

He didn't even want to think how long this was going on behind Y/N’s back. He knew Max had a reputation but didn't cross his mind that he'd be a cheater as well. Max had the kindest, most generous and loving girlfriend, Mason thought, and he didn't even appreciate her. 

“Go fuck around with whoever you want! I don't care anymore. Hope you enjoy your new girlfriend” she hung up and threw her phone on the bed. She turned around to look at Mason, who was speechless with what he had just witnessed. 

“What that it?” Y/N asked him still crying 

Mason couldn't reply. The words wouldn't come out of his mouth 

“That was it. What you saw on your phone. And you didn't bother to tell me anything! Wow Mase, I thought I could trust you!”

Y/N is about to leave the room when Mason slams the door close and blocks the entrance.

“Get out of the way” she says quietly

“Let me explain Y/N, please”

“Get out of the fucking way Mount” her tears keep falling but now her voice is angrier than ever

He hates seeing her like this. It pains him that he kept this secret and let her find out for herself.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I saw the way you were looking at me”

“I didn’t know if the rumors were true on not! Most of the tabloids are fake”

“Even if they were fake, which apparently they aren’t, you should have told me!”

“I know, but I didn’t want to interfere in your relationship with Max!” Mason’s voice has gone an octave higher than usual which makes her yell even more

“The problem is I want you to interfere for fucks sake!” she screams at his face

“For what possible reason?” curiosity has kicked in his brain

“Because I’m in love with you!” She blurts out loudly and once she realizes what she’s said, she shuts her mouth close with her palm

Mason stays still, frozen, trying to digest what he’s just heard. He didn’t know whether these words were real or his imagination playing with him.

The girl he’s adored over the last few years, confessed that she was in love with him.

“You love me? How? Why?” That was definitely not the answer he wanted to give her

“It’s simple Mason! I love you because you always care about me and take time to talk to me. I feel like you know me better than my own brother. There’s no how in love. I just realized that you were the person I was looking to find in Max, but failed to”

Her eyes have taken a scarlet shade which surround the green hint. Everything she said was more than true. Her heart couldn’t bare to break up with Max, but at the same time, it beat for Mason.

“The reason why I never interfered in your relationship with Max is because I loved you! I still do. I hated the idea of ruining our friendship if I confessed my feelings, while you were with another man”

Mason Mount, a beloved footballer, her brother’s teammate, and the man who she truly loved, had told her the exact words she needed to hear today.

“Whatever he couldn’t give you, I will! Whether we remain friends or become something more. Love, satisfaction, thoughtfulness, pleasure, happiness. Name it and you will have it”

Mason didn’t let her reply by pulling her body closer to his and connecting their lips into a soft kiss, which let her speechless. His warmth crawled in her heart and her consciousness finally realized that it was Mason since the very first time.

“Please don’t break my heart, Mase. I truly love you”

“I never intended on doing so darling. All I ever wanted was to fill you with happiness”

[sunwoowrites]

Best Friends?

Part 1

Y/n x BangChan

fem!reader

angst, comfort.

TW: swearing, self-degrading

I used to be your best friend. Used to. Just stop sulking y/n. I sighed as I stared at my phone screen. Our chats were dry. The very few texts resembling tumbleweeds across a desert. He doesn't fucking care about you, you know. I know. I switched my phone off and pulled the duvey cover over my head. I should say hi. Its 3 am he won't reply. He will. He works late doesn't he. How would you know. He doesn't speak to you anymore. Touché.

I pulled the duvet off. But its worth trying? And if he doesn't reply, you'll just end up being the needy slut you are. A tear rolled down my cheek. I'm not a needy slut. Sure.

Y/n

Heyyy...Its been a minute. How are you?

Attention whore. Shut up.

I stared at the screen. Its been like a month since we last texted and it wasn't even a proper convo...we would text all the time. I sighed. What happened to us. He got tired of you.

Channie

Hey Y/n. I've been okay. You're up late.

He replied. Out of pity. He sounds like he's sick and tired of you. He isn't. Oh really? Ask him whats he been up to. Or better yet tell him that you're up thinking about how he hasn't messaged. That you're always thinking about him. That you're in love with him. Tch. In love with someone who is hardly even your friend. Matter fact doesn't even want to be. Shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. I wept silently. Soaking my pillow with tears and snot, mustering the all in me to type out a reply.

Y/N

yeah couldn't sleep. So what you been up to.

Channie

Here and there. Mostly in the studio. You know how it is.

Y/N

yeah I know...

Channie

So...anything new?

Wow. He's bored. Boy am I surprised. Shut up. I sniffled. It hurts. Of course it does. Everything hurts for you. You weak little bitch. Go away. Oh but I won't.

Y/n

Not really no. You're probably busy. I should leave you to your work. Sorry Channie|

Channie? You've got guts. He's not yours you know. He probably has someone better. A new bestfriend, or girlfriend. How could you even possibly think that he'd like you? That he would care for someone as low as you. He deserves someone pretty don't you think? Someone smart. Someone like him. I know....you have no right calling him that.

Y/N

Not really no. You're probably busy. I should leave you to your work. Sorry Chan.

Channie

Y/n? Is something up?

You're such a whore for everyones attention aren't you y/n. Tell him.

Look I know we don't talk much but you're still my best friend. You can talk to me you know.

Oh the pity.

Y/n?

Y/n

Channie...

Channie

You at home? I'm coming. Wait right there angel. I'll be right there okay?

oh see what you've done. Now he has to drive here late at night because you can't take care of yourself. You're useless. Please stop.

Y/n

You don't have to do that Channie. I'm fine. I promise.

Channie

I'm on my way y/n. You wait for me.

I sighed and sat up. I got out of the bed and went into the kitchen. Tears still rolling down my cheeks. I took out the best friend mugs I bought with channie, We are best friends. were. Right. We were...

I made two cups of tea and took out biscuits, layed then on a plate while sniffling. I stumbled back into my bedroom, putting on my slippers and went back to the kitchen. I moved the things to the coffee table one by one. Everything seems to just fall apart these days. How dramatic.

I heard a knock on the door. I walked so fast as if i walked any slower he'd leave. I typed out the passcode and opened the door. "y/n" Chan breathed out.

I looked up at him, eyes and nose red, still sniffling and tears still falling uncontrollably now. "hey channie." I mumbled moving to the side. "come in." He frowned but still came in changing his shoes. "you made tea?" I shrug my shoulders. "yeah i'm sorry, its weird...." He turned and I hiccuped. "Don't apologise angel. Its not weird its just. You know you dont have to do this all for me. I'm your best friend." I moved to sit on the couch. "are you....?" I whispered out. "what?" He sat down next to me.

"are we still best friends?" I looked at him and sniffled.

[xxaraaq]

𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧

Sorry that I didn't post anything for like three months, but it dont matter anymore, cus I'm here now

MILF! Ochako Ururaka x Black!Fem!reader

┍━☽【❖】☾━┑

At the ripe age of thirty two, Uruaka Ochako would consider herself to be a great mother. But with her boys, nine, seven, and four – she’s so fucking tired. Tired of not being able to catch a break, tired of not being able to live her life as a young woman, and really fucking tired of having a man child of a husband who couldn’t give less of a shit about her and their kids.

She’s tried to be okay with it, but she just cant be. But when she voices it, all she's met with – ‘it’s not like he's cheating on you, he probably just doesn’t find you attractive anymore.’ or ‘just lose some weight or offer to do more, he’s obviously distant for a reason’. And she’s tried all these things, so, so many times. But nothing ever worked, so she’s just given up. And maybe she just had shitty friends, but the two of you first, she had actually felt something.

“So wait – you're telling me that you haven’t had sex in how long?” You whisper, choking on your drink “Eleven months.” She sighs, taking a drink of her mimosa – she hadn’t touched her husband intimately in almost a year, and it was getting to her. She was getting antsy, and she was getting tired of pleasuring herself on her own.

“I would commit suicide, like, actually kill myself. Are you ok?” and Uruaka knows that she’s not, but there isn't anything she could really do.

“I’ve been so stressed out that I don’t know what today is, I’m not even joking.” She says, the fatigue apparent on her figure

“I seriously don’t know why you won’t get a divorce, I will literally move in with you to help out with the kids if that’s what it takes.” And your serious, the look in your eyes directed right at her

“If I could just get one day, that’s all I would need.” She groans, dreaming of the day where that happens

As the conversation goes along, her husband, m/n, comes up. “Hey honey, me and the boys are gonna go watch the game at Mikey’s house. I’ll be back later.” He says, turning away soon after. With an eye roll and shooing hand, she sends him off with malice in her heart. 

“He really gets on my fuckin nerves.” You say, side eyeing him as he walks away with his friends.

“I genuinely don’t care anymore.” Ochako says, getting up to go to the kitchen

Following after her, you close the door behind you, pulling down the blinds

“What’s wrong?” You say, opening your arms for an embrace

“I am so sick of him.” She says, a shake in her voice

“I know baby, I know.” You say, rubbing soothing circles on her back

“I get that he doesn’t care about me, but can he at least fucking act like it.” She cries into your chest

“He doesn’t deserve you, not like I do.” and she knew it was true

“Lemme make you feel better, how bout’ that?” You ask, pulling back from her

“W-what?” She, wiping the tears from her face

“You heard me, Ochako. Let me help you, you need it.”

The both of you know that anyone could walk in at any moment – but that didn’t stop you from kissing her – nor did it stop her from kissing you back. By the time she gained her senses back she was in her shared room.

“We can’t, everyone’s outside.” She says in between kisses

“We already are, and who cares, no one’s gonna come in here.” You shush her, attacking her neck with hickeys

She moans, grasping your hair in her hands – she doesn’t know why she keeps denying herself, she can’t even remember the last time she came by someone else’s touch.

“Fuck.” She moans, the feeling of your hands traveling over her breasts driving her mad. 

You pull down the top of her light blue sundress, exposing her front to you.

“So pretty.” You groan, capturing her breast in your hand, rolling her nipple in between your fingers

Ochako whimpers at the feeling of your fingers toying with her, her getting wetter by the second.

“Take it off for me, yeah?” You ask, tugging at hem of her dress

Nodding, she quickly strips down, throwing it to a random spot in the room.

“So fucking gorgeous.” You utter, hands finding rest on her hips

“Don’t be weird.”She says, wrapping her arms around neck

She kisses you – passionately – as you lead her and yourself onto the bed. You suck on her neck as you make you way down to her thighs, lifting one onto your shoulder.

“Can I?” You ask, playing the fabric of her underwear

“Don’t ask me stupid questions.” She groans, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as you smile

Taking her answer as a yes, you pull her panties off onto one ankle, licking a slow stripe up her slit. You rub slow circles on her thighs as you continue your assault on her cunt.

“Ohhhhh fuckkkk” She whines, throwing her head back in her ecstasy

“Tastes so good.” You mutter into her, the vibrations of your voice going straight to her core

She doesn’t know why she hasn’t let you touch her sooner – the fluid movements of your tongue making her delusional. But the best part is, all she has to do is sit there and take it.

You massage your thumb around her puckering hole before inserting two into her. “Shitttt” she mewls, holding both her legs up to her chest

“I can’t, s’ too much.” She slurs, her legs shaking as you slurp and suck up her excess

“You can do it mama, cum for me.” You say, moving your fingers in and out of her at an even quicker pace

“Shittttttttt” She screams, squirting onto you and the sheets

“Damn, I didn’t know you could squirt like that.” You say, licking her off of you

“I, I didn’t know either.” She exhales, letting her legs drop onto the now wet sheets

“Uh uh, why’d you let go.” You say, rubbing slow circles on her now puffy clit

“W-wait, we can’t keep going, everyone’s still outside.”

“And they’ll stay outside, I never said I was done with you. Eleven months is a long time y’know; I can’t let go now.” You explain, Entering her once more

Ochako moans as she thinks about what she got herself into. And she really, really hopes that everyone knows exactly where the bathroom is.

┕━☽【❖】☾━┙

Yayy I post. Dont expect me to post until summer now byee.

-Nene

[beeben]

Wish the day ( the twilight/night time part) lasted longer ( i mean extra hours not get dark sooner) so i could have more time to myself.

I don't get an ounce of privacy until everyone is asleep and I cant stay up as late as i used to bc i start work so early. I really cannot stand it here lol this is turning into it vent post cus ive been having a really bad time lately and when i try talking about it everyone just goes "well i feel the same way but i just put up with it" i dont want to put up with it anymore i hate most of my family i hate my house i hate my life no i dont feel spoiled im always out of money because i have to pay for everyone's shit because my dad is an idiot whos been chasing a spot in football hall of fame since he was 12 even though now hes 50 and 300 pounds and cant hold a job more then than a year because he picks fights with people and is a bigot trying to work with mostly black people. Like it's fucking ridiculous i live in a fucking fantasy world where people think im crazy for saying things aren't okay. Maybe I am suicidal what then? I get an eye roll i get "everyone is suicidal im suicidal too" like? And we're supposed to be okay with that? Ive had such a shit month man idk i have to meet up with the hr people at work tomorrow idk if im traumatized or something im like terrified they're gonna spin some shit around and get me fired man im literally so sick and tired of people walking all over me i honestly don't care if i come off as an asshole anymore i deserve a little self importance idk why its such a shocking thing. I stayed over at my boyfriend's house the other night and people acted like i burnt a building down saying how out of character it was for me cus hes a man what the fuck ever. I don't even give a shit at this point he could've assaulted me and i would've come back just to spite them. Idk where im going with this im pissed off and i dont have anybody to tell because they either heard it already or would leave if i said anything. Nobody gives a shit and i don't mean shit and if i do mean shit to somebody they assume im normal like them and im not i feel like such a piece of garbage and i live with a bunch of idiot slobs who keep me on a leash so they have an extra wallet to use when getting school supplies or whatever else my dad refuses to pay for or as a fucking unpaid therapist when he abuses them and they feel sad about it :'(. Im really worthless lol i kinda just wish someone was honest and said it to my face instead of acting like its fine and everyone feels this way cus i know it's not and i know its not normal. I was born to be an accessory in my dads life to make him look more virtuous in the eyes of the church. My mom would've been better off if she had miscarried and he divorced her for being infertile or something at least then shed have a fucking life to live. This is ridiculous.

[ravenquingvax]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[loveisbraveandwild]

Taylor can donate more money in secret than she would ever be able to make a difference by calling for a ceasefire not even the head of the UN could get anyone to agree to. This is nearly a hundred years of horrific politics in the making, she can't do anything about it. She's a pop star! Not an elected official. Everyone who is her fan to the point of caring about her opinion already, most likely, is anti-genocide considering she is a role model for the soft hearted. She's already a target of violence and hatred; if tumblr users can loudly want for her death then gun-wielding zionists or violent misogynistic Republicans will too. She let us know what side she's on by going to a fundraiser for Palestine. Lucy and Phoebe are her friends and there's absolutely no way they haven't talked about it and therefore donated to one of the many causes Lucy has been posting about. I think just maybe Taylor deserves for us to trust her about this.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah i dont really know how to explain to people how taylor’s silence hurts. i dont really care abt the private conversations she’s having with friends. also, if lucy and phoebe r posting on social media and she isn’t, i hope she’s asking herself why. there’s a reason phoebe and lucy r posting abt it- because their platforms matter and they know that. i disagree that her privately donating matters more than speaking out. yes, sending money and resources to gaza is essential, but i’m also interested in a global interrogation of the western world and the harm western governments have done to billions of people globally, namely Brown and Black people. Money doesnt STOP the genocide, it just gives the people being genocided food and medicine MAYBE ?? until they probably die. i also think her asking people to donate and getting 10% of her followers to donate $10 is over 300 million dollars and there’s no way in hell do i believe she’s donating THAT much. i disagree with ultra rich people asking regular people to donate, but at this point, i’ll take anything. also sure, she went to a fundraiser, but again, sending money to a relief fund isn’t the same as taking a stance. am i supposed to pat her on the back for showing up to one event in an outfit that could feed a Palestinian for an entire year ONCE during an almost 130 day genocide? I am also so sick and tired of people talking abt her safety. i care abt her safety!!! but i dont care abt her comfort, especially when quite literally millions of palestinians are unsafe she’s also one of the richest people in the world and im not convinced that there aren’t a plethora of things she could do to keep herself safe. in the wake of advocating for what is just, what is right, and what is beyond necessary to stop the endless, brutal, vile murders of tens of thousands of Palestinian people.

[noxiatoxia]

i need you guys to know that i am really sick right now and have been bed ridden for days. and my evil evil evil friend the other day, WHILE i am sick and overwhelmed already from being so sick, drops the bombshell of "have you realized if you flip episode 21 backwards it's 12..... like midnight.....like cinderella" i actually got so fucking upseti was sick and tired and stressed and then i read that i had to take a fucking xanax to calm the fuck down i couldn't handle it. i hate it here. 12. eyah, sure, episode 21, backwards is 12. sure! ok! was this intentional ? does not even matter. it is like when somebody does the thing that is racist or perhaps sexcist and it is like, well i understand you meant nothing no harm by it beut it was still bad regardless of intentions that is what this is like, even if they did not intend for the 21 to dlip to 12 and be midnight the damnage is done. honestly good allegory for the allegory itself this awhole thing was unintnetional damafe done to ME specifically. like. guys put yourself in my shoes rigth now. i am up at 4:00am i want to sleep but i have to wait 30 more minutes so i can take my meds i am on a schedule so i wont be sick anymore and instead of speanding this time watching youtube or playing video games or doing smth productive you know what, i am thinking about the carriage allegoryand about how 21 backwards is 12. 12. like midnight.....like was that intentional dude.....like the writers, they are generally clever sometimes so like i could vision it being intentional at least a little bit like SOMEbody on the staff knew what was up. i mean it will never be confirmed though it is all speculation whcih is the worst part about all of this, like the lallegory itself i get no fucking closure it is all just guesswork and shambles. and now i am #jonker mode over hwat? pumpkin anime? the only pumpkin kaoru should be doin is pumpin ' his kin ok ok........ stop with the gay cinderella shit nobody cares. see this is why i cant handle the idea of ouran season 2 or a reboot bc, it is bad either way. 1) they bring back the carriage i m done for 2) if they do nt i will be pissed off because i want it resolved so then they are just ignoring it 3) even if they bring it back and do it well i will still be traumatized like this wont ifix anything the damahes had been dealt and i ahve to live with it forever. so for my sake i hope they never remake ouran i deserve some peace and fucking rest ok at least hold out like......3 more years or something like maybe the grief will have dulled by that time. so a remake/reboot/season 2 wont be so traumatizing to me it will be like "oh, ok" you know. i feel like i had a comparison but i lost it. i dont wantch much anime tob e quite honest. can you tell im trying to kill time waiting for 30 minutes to pass it has only been 7. fuck episode 21. fuck the fact it is a 12 when flipped. fuck mifnight, the time. fuuuuuck episode 21. why coulnt it be 22 to avoid this. episod e 21 should be the name of an std

[nonbinarygamzee]

i feel a little guilty for this bc i do genuinely think one of the only appeals of "fandom" for me at least wrt homestuck is looking for projects where people are doing cool things, but i am sinply just not going to care about it if clown isnt involved. and im also very much going to notice if clown uninvolvement is rooted in vilifying them where you allow other "complex" characters to grow and learn. you dont have to like gamzee you dont have to focus on gamzee if you dont but like.... it is increasingly tiring to see the rest of the antagonistic(used so loosely here stay with me) trolls treated like complex characters while the one who is undeniably, deeply racist and ableist in their depiction/framing AND is the child who actively works for the child abuse demon is just thrown aside as unsalavagble evil not worth examination, usually with some half assed comment about being an abusive man.

like. i love vriska genuinely i do. but if we can blame all of gamzees intricate issues on the notion they are a capital m Man and somehow erase the fact this is also a child and a very bad-faith coded one at that, then why is is still so illegal to utter anything about vriska invoking a very very white woman centric abuse of power + refusal to engage her past when she changes...? like i dont get into my identity shit on here but i am a lesbian and i am a traumatized person who has crazied in ugly ways bc of my abuse, i understand as much as anyone else why vriska deserves to be looked at with complexity and sympathy and its undeniable a lot of what happened wrt fandom bullshit related to her was rooted in misogyny but my god am i sick of the refusal to engage with other forms of marginalization ESPECIALLY alongside the insinuation people were not horrifically harrassed for those reasons with gamzee or their attachment is inherently more vapid than others. theres thoughts i have wrt treating gamzee likers as stupid and incapable of analytical reading (and therefore less valuable to hear from regardless of other things that may tie them to this extremely loaded piece of media) which hits on weeeeird biases on its own but ok back to my hole.

[k9-ribs]

IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF NO ONE CARES ABIUT ME, IM INCAPABLE OF EVEN SLITTING MY WRISTS, MY LAST ATTEMPT FAILED AND WENT UNNOTICED, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I TRY AGAIN IF ALL I AM IS A FALIURE. MY BF IS GOING TO TRY RAPE ME AND ILL LET HIM JUST FOR THE ATTENTION AND AFFECTION BECAUSE THAT ALL I WANT, I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME, TO FUCK THE SICKNESS OUT OF ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT BECAUSE I DESERVE IT.

all i do is cut myself and listen to depressing music, i need to take drugs or something, im such a boring and weird and ugly person its a wonder why my bf is still with me, and i say this knowing its only because im a much younger person and he wants a new personal fuck toy. ive accepted i'll never be in a remotely good relationship so why should i try anymore. i will sit in my bed blank, emotionless and shaking like a spastic after a good cutting sesh because whilst i cant be touched, i can give myself some form of both relief and attention.

if im bored? cutting. if im tired? cutting. if im perfectly fine? cutting. if im hungry? cutting. anything happens whether good or bad and i return to the cold, stinging embrace of my blade and bloody tissues; and shit, i love it.

someone either kill me or fix me, if you cant even try and do any of those then dont even bother speaking or 'caring' for me again. piss off and drown in your own self-loathe.

[gayspock]

ehrmmmmmmmmmm

qhwat is it a ploy to make sense for once i dont know but notihng works nothing ever works and feelsfucking crazy and people alwas just say the same shit to you over and over again until all your faces are blue and they dont lsiten its ironicits so easy its so so easy just talk topeople andi think of all the times ivedonethat in any type of fucking context and how thigns dont seem todo anything but make me feel bad or to make everyr single fucking situation drastically fucking wors e . do this do that the professional helpmakes ti worse every time its a nigghtmar etrying to do anyhting makes it worse everything is unfeasible and impossiblethats wh y . you cant say oh its os fucking hopeless even when it is i woudl be fuckingfine with it if there seven something i could fcking nearly fucking try but what is there tell me i thinkim nver going to get that answer i know imbeing fucking childish for the million fucking platitudes, the "theres alwyas hope"s and "it gets better"s wher eisit . what caniactually do and why am i sitll alive when there no sense to it and no oens ever had a serious fucking answe r to that because there is none and nothing will ever woek cuz there is no solution and im not crazy or mentally ill im just fucking . reasponding rationally. like yes fucking kill yourself its what makes sense . what els eis there to doifeel nuts i feel alone i am alone dont care again its the platitudes is liek i genuinely fucking want to punch people it jsut feels mean and its fucking horrible how youre meant to take it or youre the cunt and you deserve whar you fucking get butfuck me man fuck me do you ever wonder for the ten billionthings its just nasty as shit to hear . something something you can do something you can go somewhere but whatisthere theres nothing and for allthe time syoure told youre not alone but thats all you ever hear some surfacelevelk bullshit, and when it comes down to it what happens when its real whathappens when its actualwhat happens ifeel ufcking sick i just feel like crying because people cant even say more than that. do you kno w what i mean. i say platitudes i mean its clinicalitsnothing its everything in a greeting dcard i hatehearing it but i dont matter enough for that to count becauseits whatever itnever makes sense it never applies to you you can just slip out of itim trying not to be mean im triyng not to be acunt how itshard fuck me because its no one elses fault its on no one elseand no one else is ever goingtocare so why is it eer pertinent becauseat what else is there to say theres nothing to say or do its as i said its the right ufcking answe r the only thing there ever is going tobe and sometimesyes i wish someone coul d ucking help me and chang emy mind but i thinkthat wuld just be me being a differnet persn amognst howufckingimpossible it is and i jsut .

my otherhting im goingcrazy btw wakeup go to work i cantsleep at night what happensin the inbetween but fuckignd read and sickness and fuckingspinning your wheels i suck at work im stupi d andi dont think they take me seriously and wat hten its over and youre at hoe and im alone andi exist there ijn the most corporeal form andits patheitc and ic omehome and its wosre ijm so so so fuckign tired i i endup hating everything i start going nuts i regret it everyday i regret not fucking diynghwen i was younger and i cantunderstand wat was going through my fucking srtupid head to ever fucking believe anything woudlever work out because i KNEW then and I KNEW it badly bt i just fucking loh my godd does anyone els ehate themsleves i fuckign hate everything i do and i fucking hate triyng to pretend i dont and i fuckinghate being told not to when thats just the fucking reality of it like why why do i changethat i tryto change it genuienly but if thatswhat it is im not going to lie tomyself i cant i fucking cant and eveyrbone else keeps lying to me and I FEEEEEL CRAZYYYYYYYY DO YOU UUUUUIM GOING TO GO HAVE ANOTHER EDIBLEEE BECAUSE THIS CLEARLYISNT WORKINGGGGGGGG TONIGHTTTTT