#and i had NO IDEA what to do like i am just a helpless bisexual

[synonymouslyyours]

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[positivityforlesbians]

Hello ❤️ Something happened recently in my life that just doesn’t align with my identity as a lesbian and it’s been extremely frustrating. it took me years to realize the discomfort I was feeling around men, especially in dating situations stemmed from me not being attracted to them in any way. I tried but failed many times. it then took me some more years to fully accept and grow into my true self which is liking women and women only.

I should also note that I have never had a girlfriend or even a crush on a girl that was serious because I’m still in the closet. what I do have, however, is sex drive. high one. I think the term for it is hyper sexuality. I’ve been lonely and touch starved for a long time. this is where The Incident comes in. a few weeks ago we were celebrating with some friends and the alcohol intake got a little out of hand where I didn’t remember the last 2-3 hours, I completely blacked out. one guy messaged me the next day saying I was flirty and I offered to go in the woods just the two of us. As I said I have no recollection of this and I was shocked and sad and crying because it took me so long to grow into my sexuality and seeing as it could all be ruined with alcohol…. This has happened before during the years I was still navigating my way around it but once I fully grown into my skin I thought it would stop. that I would stop doing this. I have an ex bf from my high school years (when I hadn’t yet known it was possible to be something other than cishet) that remained in my circle of friends and with enough alcohol in me I could get myself to kiss him and sometimes more. I just needed to be desired sexually, it was like what I needed to survive. That also stopped well over 1.5 years ago and I was happy to have managed to get out of this rabbit hole. and yet I still put myself in a similar situation

my theory is that my drunk subconscious just needs an outlet for all the horniness I’ve been bottling up and since I’m in the closet and it’s a precious secret to me because I don’t feel safe to come out, I can’t do it with girls so i did it with guys. When I am sober and in my right mind I flinch at the thought of being attracted to men and I am positive that I’m not but all of this is making no sense in my head and I just really, really REALLY need someone else’s thoughts/advice on this. Have you ever experienced or heard of this from other people?

i’m sorry if this isn’t the type of asks you accept but I needed to tell someone and I feel so helpless and lonely and like I fell back to a point in my life where I don’t have a coherent idea of who I am

Hi ! I'm sorry I didn't respond to this earlier, long messages sort of make me anxious because I always want to respond as best as possible but the perfectionism really just breaks my will to do it in the first place. I don't think I have heard of this before and the rare times I saw something similar the women were just bisexual in denial. I have to be honest here these women were having sex with men and used the excuse of hypersexuality, the Covid quarantine, loneliness, etc and none of that fits being a lesbian. Wanting real hard to have sex as a lesbian will make you look for sex with ... a woman.

Granted it's not as easy to have casual sex with a woman compared to a man but still, a lesbian who knows she's a lesbian and doesn't want to go against every fibre in herself will not touch a man's penis with a stick. This isn't to say a lesbian with internalised lesbophobia strong enough wouldn't do it with the pure intent of breaking herself psychologically, that's a sad reality, and one facilitated by alcohol of course. It's known how an heavy and frequent alcohol take is an epidemic in the same-sex attracted community, because many are trying to run away from our demons (self-hatred, shame, rejection) so my advice is to stop the reckless alcohol take. It will help you have a better vision of who you are and if maybe you're mistaken. It is not normal to drink so much you blackout and don't remember what you did for about 2 to 3 hours. One time is already too much.

You have to be able to control yourself in general, just a few drinks is enough, don't go over the limit. I'm a lesbian and I can say I'm pretty lonely and touch-starved and even when I get drunk with my friends I still am super-aware of who I am and if I "lose control" I could accidentally reveal to my crush I am super into her or act in a way she knows for certain how strongly I feel (which petrifies me) but I would never want to kiss a man or doing more. Ask yourself the right questions and please stop drinking this much if you want to get a better sense of yourself, also because that is simply very dangerous for you. Wishing you good luck with that. Xx

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

Day 21 of Rammstein's Countdown to Halloween

The Last House on the Left (1972, dir. Wes Craven)

Plot: On her 18th birthday, Mari and her friend set out on an adventure and while trying to acquire some narcotics for the night, they are tangled up with a bunch of criminal convicts who put both girls through hell and back. However, unknown to the convicts, the girls family quickly seek them out.

Okay, where do I really begin with this one. It's honestly one of my favourite films out there which is pretty messed up to say given the fact that it's a 70s arthouse film that includes murder, kidnapping and even r*pe, but I sometimes feel those little details about it cover up what ho honestly makes this film great.

I honestly think this film is very ahead of its time, I mean the subject matter alone is enough said, but it is fair to mention that the bisexuality representation is wild. I even find Mari and her friend, Phyllis are very homoroctic towards each other, it's interesting for sure.

Another thing to point out is that fact at the convicts consists of two men and one woman, Sadie who I find the film focuses on especially. She's a character who was not only ahead of her time but also a great representation of her time, strangely enough. Besides style, Sadie is sort of a twisted idea of feminism in a weird sort of way. To be fair, she was probably quite a concept, especially to Western audiences as being part of the r*pe and torture.

Going back to my earlier point on feminism, though this is in anyway, not what I mean feminism is. I am more so speaking from a standpoint where Sadie is able to stand her ground and get respected by the others. And again, with the concept of her being one of the 'bad' guys, it really sets a pace for woman in horror. It's empowering to me.

And actually, I find this a very empowering and hopeful film. For multiple reasons: one with sadie, two : the two girls are really realistic and relatable and I enjoy how they are written in a way where they are comfortable speaking about their bodies and sexuality, not only with each other but at one point with family, I admire how natural the film sees it cause it is natural. Also with the whole revenge aspect to it, it's hopeful to me to see the love ones getting revenge on the bad guys , I really appreciate the girls getting justice served for them and the girls aren't completely helpless either. It's poetic.

Really, everyone is such a great representation of their time. The hippie dream had died and now, everyone is trying to recoup. The 70s from what I see was a darker time, especially for those first five years, so I can imagine everyone just spit out and saying what ever they want, the violence and be stuck upholding certain ideals between beliefs. In other words, this film bleeds 70s like I'm not gonna lie to you.

The story is perfect. A twist at every turn and honestly the idea of a revenge horror involving parents or someone avenging a love one is a rare occurrence and zi honestly enjoy when I see it.

I am absolutely in love with the fashion and aesthetic of the film. The Cinematography is so so beautiful. Every detail is well thought out.

Like most Craven films, the tonal shifts between absolute horror and comedy is always perfectly balanced and when it comes to this film it really works. You'll see what I mean if ya watch it.

The musical score really works into those shifts and as a huge David Hess fan, I am in LOVE with this movies soundtrack. The songs are just so good and catchy, especially the main theme: Road Leads to Nowhere/Wait for the Rain. I actually own a copy of soundtrack haha.

One final thing, I really enjoy how not everyone in this film is good, some aren't bad, but no one (not including the victims) is good and everyone has to face a moral dilemma at some point. This creates a complex universe and I am a slut for those.

I honestly really recommend this film both as an enjoyable watch and study and if you ever find the time, look up the song/or movies soundtrack or even anything from David Hess (sometimes including the Hess Brothers) you will not regret it! (I like to think)

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

008 of 2023

Random Secrets from Others 8! [True or False] Created by joybucket

These are all secrets from random people that I've found on the Internet. Put an X by the secrets that you share, and elaborate if you wish. Have fun! :) (gonna bold, though)

I'm ashamed of my body, but I tell other people to love themselves. I was molested by a babysitter. ...and my dad told me not to tell anyone about it. He said that as a female, my body is for men. This idea has stuck with me ever since. My whole life I've been made to feel that I was undeserving of love. When I was 12 or 13, I finally learned what the word "rape" meant, and I then understood what had happened to me. ....and the fact that I was rejected from my own family, especially my mom, led to depression. I had nobody to talk to. No one is really there for you in the end. I'm transgender. I havne't come out because my family doesn't support the community at all. I feel more judgment from the LGBT community than I do from straight people. ....and it makes me heartbroken. It's sad, because all of us in the LGBTQ+ community are going through the same thing, and you would think that it would be a place to find support, but it's not always. I tried coming out to my parents, and afterward, they were completely silent. ....I tried to act like it didn't affect me, but I'm ashamed that it did. I pretend to be straight with most people, so they won't ask questions about my sexuality or ignore it altogether. I haven't told anyone that I'm bisexual. It scares me that my family and friends won't love me the same if they find out. No one knows I'm a homosexual, and I'm afraid if someone finds out, they will kill me. Hating someone for their sexuality is disgusting. Loving, appreciating, and accepting each other how we are is what makes us human. Imagine being judged for being who you truly are. My sexual orientation or my gender identification doesn't make me less of a human. I'm human just like everyone else, and I should be treated like one. My grandfather is the only one who doesn't know I am gay. When I came out, I was told that I must be confused or going through a phase. When I came out, my mom told me that I was disgusting and a disappointment. I will never tell anyone I'm bisexual. My parents would be furious if they found out. I feel lonely at home, with my friends, and with my family. I used to hug the clothes in my closet, just to feel like I was hugging someone real. I don't like to be touched or held. ...and it's been years since I hugged someone. I feel like people treat me differently because my parents are divorced. In high school, I used to eat lunch in the bathroom stall. ....I do the same in my workplace now. I talk to myself all the time. I talk to my stuffed animals when I feel my friends don't want to talk with me anymore. My best friend unfriended and abandoned me when I told her I was suicidal. ...I still blame myself to this day, and I wish that I was different, so that then we could still be friends. Loneliness is something that you can drown in; it is something that can overcome you. I feel so lonely that I get chest pains and I can't breathe. I feel so helpless, because I don't know if I'll ever find someone to love, and I don't know if I'll ever find someone to love who will love me back. I appear very happy and outgoing from the outside, but I constantly have panic attacks that no one knows about. My parents don't believe in mental health issues. It was hard telling my parents, "I think I need to see a therapist." I feel totally and utterly alone. I'm a misfit everywhere. I have no one to turn to. I'm a Christian, and there's a part of me that really hates Christianity. I feel like the Christian God could not love a deformed creation. We tend to politicize certain things, but I believe God loves everyone. You don't realize how lonely you are until something good happens to you, but you don't have anyone to tell. You don't realize how lonely you are until something bad happens to you, and you want so badly to talk to someone, but no one is there for you; you have no one to speak to. I feel like I'm drowning in loneliness every day. I get so lonely that it physically hurts. Every day I fantasize about having a spouse and kids. ....so that I could give them the love I never had. No one showed up for me at my high school graduation. I had no family or friends who came to watch me graduate. 👩‍🎓 The hardest part of being lonely is not knowing where the loneliness is coming from. You just feel empty and you don't even know why. Hardly anyone ever asks how I'm really feeling/doing. (but this is normal here in my country) I hug my stuffed animals at night to help me sleep, because I'm so lonely. One of the worst things is realizing you are living most of your life in your head. The conversations, laughs, and friends you wish to have are all in your head. Loneliness is such a universal experience, yet somehow we all still feel alone. I feel like loneliness is consuming me slowly. I feel more alone when I'm around people than I do when I'm by myself. I daydream too much and re-enact different scenarios in my head. I wish I could look in the mirror without being disgusted at what I see. I feel worthless, like I don't deserve to be loved. I've been bullied at three different schools. I've begun to blame myself for being bullied, because I feel stupid and weak. ...I feel worthless, and that makes me feel even worse, because now I'm blaming myself. I love my friends and give my all in relationships, but no one feels the same way about me or does the same with me. I'm gay, and all I want is my parents to love me, but I know they never will. My parents have always made me feel insecure about my body, when they remind me that I've gained weight. I've stopped being myself, because I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. After we took our clothes off, I changed my mind. He got angry, I felt trapped, and that is ultimately how I lost my virginity. I haven't slept well since, and I still feel ashamed about it. ....Now, I'm too afraid to get close to anyone. I can't trust anybody. I hate my physical appearance. ...I'm self-conscious, and I worry about everything, from the way I talk to my personality. I was bullied a lot for the way I look. I've had enough of life; I really have. I hate myself because being so sensitive always makes people use me. When I was born, my parents really wanted a boy, but when they found out I was a girl, they were disappointed. They've held it against me my whole life. ...Some days I wish I wasn't alive, because I know my parents would be happier without me. My dream in life is to have children. It's all I've ever wanted. ....but I may be infertile. It breaks my heart. 💔 I was raped by one of my boyfriend's best friends. I never told anyone, because I had seen so many women try to come out, only to be rejected. When I was raped for the first time, I told my friends, and they blamed me. ...They said, "You must have wanted it. You must have done something..." My ex physically and emotionally abused me. I was scared to break up with him, because people knew we were sexually active, and I was afraid they would think I was a whore if I ended the relationship. As a child, I was taken advantage of sexually by multiple men in my family. When I came out to my parents as gay, they told me not to tell anyone, because they said it could ruin our family name. They cared more about their reputation than about their own child's happiness. We must get rid of the stereotype that family is inherently good. Family is NOT the safe haven for most people. The suicide of a friend really hit me hard. Being betrayed was one of the most hurtful things that happened to me. Betrayal doesn't make us lose a friend or supporter. It costs us our trust of humans. I was taught that social media is dangerous. Yes, it is, but it's also helped me to overcome betrayals. It was hard for me to work up the courage to "come out." I've dated someone just to try it out.

[menalez]

I really hate that the main reason people provide for wanting to deny that, very unfortunately, many lesbians have experienced sex with men is because the rest of society will think we can be converted. The rest of society thinks that, and they reassert that false idea in all levels of representation, irrespective of what we say. This lesbophobic notion is not the fault of any woman who has suffered sex with men. I say this as a lesbian who has never had sex with a man. No woman should have to consider herself ‘lucky’ to not have experienced sexual violence but I think it is important for me to acknowledge that the reason I have never had sex with men isn’t only because I am a lesbian not attracted to them, it’s because sexual abuse, violence, and coercion have not been a part of my life. I know that lesbians what to be proud of avoiding men but it seems they think they are stronger/better than women who were not able to. This is a problem. I think as women we need to stop blaming other women for the fact that societies deny the existence of lesbians. Male sexuality is imposed upon us, regardless of our own sexualities. This is both the reason that we experience sexual violence * and* the reason lesbian existence is denied.

feel the need to slightly correct u here (although i do appreciate what you’re saying), there are goldstars that faced sexual abuse, violence, and/or coercion. they reacted to it differently and i cannot speak on their behalf there. for me, i just felt helpless and like if i were to say no then id get raped & in my mind it’d be my fault regardless (which is the case in my society & country unfortunately. i got raped and was told repeatedly that it was my fault and that i asked for it and i fully believed that). so i just went along with whatever even if i didn’t want it. after receiving therapy which helped me become more self-aware & in touch with my emotions, i could no longer put myself thru that and came out at 18 & never looked back. but some ppl will take bits of pieces of this image i was tryna curate back then and would use it to be like “look she liked it and she’s lying” which is, unsurprisingly, what they’ve done to countless lesbian rape victims that they disagreed with. including goldstar rape victims, who to them also somehow became non-goldstars and lying bisexuals as well. you by virtue of saying this would be argued to be bi as well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it doesn’t actually matter if ur a gs or not bc most of them just enjoy trying to convince lesbians, esp traumatised lesbians, that they’re OSA for some reason.

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 16

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2472

Warnings:  Pregnancy, Smut (Bisexual orgy, watching porn, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal fingering, face fucking, triple penetration, come play)

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 16: Reminiscing

“I think we should all watch porn in the home theater.”

Our whole group had stopped at a cafe on the way home from dropping the kids off and had brunch together.  Something we’d never actually done as a complete group before and was even rare for any of us in general.  It was nice.  Some of the guys ordered mimosas and Bruce ordered four of everything on the breakfast menu.  It felt like the first actual date all of us had been on as a group.

On the way home, we talked about the things we could do with our first kid-free time since the honeymoon.  Of course, most of them seemed to revolve around sex, though there had been a couple of votes for a big group nap and watching all those TV shows we couldn’t watch with the kids there because of their content.  So while Tony’s suggestion wasn’t completely out of left-field, every single one of us was shocked.

“No one wants to watch porn, Tony,” Steve deadpanned.

“Now, now,” Clint said.  “Let’s not table the idea completely.”

“Yeah, Steve,” Natasha teased.  “Speak for yourself.”

“What is… porn?”  Thor asked.

Clint and Tony stared at the god with their mouths open.  “How many years have you been visiting earth and you don’t have porn?”

“I’m more curious that porn doesn’t exist on Asgard,” Bruce said.  “I would have thought that was a universal constant.”

Thor looked at everyone, waiting for someone to explain.  “Nope, that settles it, we’re watching porn in the theater.”

“I don’t want to watch porn in the theater,” Steve sighed.

“Can someone please explain to me what this word means?”  Thor said.

“Porn is basically just material featuring people having sex,” Sam explained.  “In this case, he wants to watch videos of people having sex in the theater room.”

“Oh, erotica,” Thor said in understanding.  “I have not heard that term before.”

“Wait, Steve, before you say no completely, think about this,” he said.  “FRIDAY can flip the floor so that there are no chairs.  Just a great big bed that will fit all of us.”

“It’s not the seating arrangement that I take issue with, Tony,” Steve argued.  “I don’t want to watch porn.”

“Hey, Steve,” Clint said, coming over to him and running his palm over Steve’s arm.  “What if it wasn’t just random strangers?  What if we watch the videos that we made for the others.  Remember when everyone was on the mission and El and I kept fucking all over the place?”

I hummed.  “Those were the days.  Remember when we could just fuck all over the place?”

“We could never do that, Elise,” Steve scolded.  “You and Clint just didn’t care. And now you do.”

“That’s our plan for tomorrow, huh, El?”  Clint teased.

I giggled and nodded my head.  “Aye, me hearty.”

Clint cracked up laughing while Natasha gave him a confused look.

“So how about it, Steve?”  Sam said, coming up behind Steve and running his hand up the super-soldier’s stomach.  “Wanna watch those videos you made for us?  They were very hot.”

Steve seemed to think it over and a smile crept over his face.  “I’m in.”

Everyone else agreed too.  Apart from Thor, everyone had seen at least two out of three of the videos Clint and I had made with the help of Steve and Bruce, and they all seemed eager to see them again.

We filed into the home theater and as we entered the room the chairs all sunk into the floor and a large bed emerged from the ceiling, completely made up.  We climbed into bed and the first of the movies we’d made started up.  It was the one of Bruce and me on the recliner.  My legs were spread and my face was a mask of ecstasy as his fingers moved inside me.  Bruce’s face was set in deep concentration, but his eyes had that green tinge they used to get when Hulk was watching.

“Banner, you were being much more brazen than you usually were,” Thor said, clapping Bruce on the shoulder.

Bruce blushed and ran his hand through his hair.  “Clint and Elise had spent the whole day getting me and everyone else worked up.”

“I wish I had been there, it sounds like it was most enjoyable,” Thor said.

“It was really just a way for me to deal with the stress of what was going on.  The mission was dangerous and I felt pretty helpless,” I explained.  “So Clint was trying to distract me and Bruce because he was on the verge of Hulking out.”

“And I am awesome at sex,” Clint said.

“Is that so, little bird,” Thor said and pulled Clint into a hungry kiss.  Clint has a sudden look of surprise on his face before closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Thor’s neck.

“God, look how young I look,” I said.

“Young and about to come,” Tony teased, walking his fingers up the inside of my leg.

“You do look close, El,” Sam teased.

“And young,” Bucky said.  “Jesus Tasha, why were you pursuing a fetus?”

“I like ‘em young,” Natasha joked, as the younger me cursed and came hard around Bruce’s fingers.

“God that was so sexy,” Steve said.  “When I opened that video on the way down to you, it made me so hard.”

“Looks like it has now too, Cap,” Sam said, massaging Steve’s crotch.

In the film, Bruce has offered his soaked fingers to me and I was sucking them clean.

“I liked your hair like that,” Wanda said.

I giggled.  “Are you saying you don’t like it now?”

“No, I do like it,” Wanda said, breaking down into giggles too.

“Maybe she just means in that sex messed way,” Bruce suggested.

The video switched to one of Clint on all fours and Steve easing a plug out of his ass.

“No,” Wanda giggled.  “That’s not it.  It’s just shorter now.”

“Oh yeah, remember when you cut it all off?  Why’d you cut it again?”  Tony asked.

“Because Riley would grab handfuls of it and nearly yank it out of my scalp,” I said.  “I kinda miss it short.  I liked how it barely took anything to look after it.  I’m thinking about getting a mohawk.”

“Oh, like Carol?”  Natasha asked.  “That would be hot as hell. Do that.”

“Are we really talking about El’s haircut while there’s a video of Steve fingering Clint’s ass playing?”  Tony asked.

“Mm, I think you’re right,” Natasha said.  “I think we might all need to be getting rid of our clothes.”

“Now we’re talking,” Tony said, quickly stripping off his clothes.

The rest of us followed suit, Bruce shifting down, so his clothes just fell away due to their size.  By the time we were all naked, the video was showing Clint on his back and Steve was easing his cock into Clint’s ass.

Bruce crawled over to me and pulled me into his lap.  I curled against his chest and kissed his neck.  Around us the others were doing similar things, kissing as they watched the video.  Bucky had started to slowly finger Wanda and Sam was eating Natasha out as she jerked Steve’s cock.  “You know,” Bruce whispered to me.  “Things have changed so much for me since Asgard.  I feel complete and confident and totally happy.  I’ve never had that before.  But I remember this day, and you and Clint taking care of me when I was so stressed out.  When we got word that everyone was coming home.  I felt so relieved and accepted.  That was the closest I’ve ever felt to how I do right now.  And that was because of you.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Mm-hmm,” Bruce said, slipping a hand between my legs and massaging my cunt.  “You did a lot for me.  What can I do for you?”

“You know what I want right now?”  I whispered.

“I’m guessing it’s something really dirty,” Bruce chuckled.

“I want four dicks in me,” I whispered against his ear.

Bruce circled his fingers over my clit and looked around at the others.  In the video, Steve had started to jerk Clint off as he fucked him and I knew Clint wasn’t far off from blowing his load.

“Thor, Clint, Tony?  Care to join us?” Bruce asked.  “Our girl here wants to be stuffed tight.”

“Is that gonna be safe for the baby?”  Tony asked as he moved over.

“Uh-huh,” I moaned softly as Bruce pushed a finger inside me.  “I’m not even showing yet, none of you will even get close to it.  It’s all protected in its little house.”

Tony chuckled.  “Darling, I am a genius, you didn’t need to dumb it down.”

He grabbed a tube of lube from a compartment at the head of the bed and we moved to the edge of the mattress.  Bruce lay down with his legs over the end of the bed and Clint began to lube up Bruce’s cock.  I straddled Bruce’s waist and Clint guided him inside of me.

“I guess I’m gonna be the one doing the acrobatic stuff,” Clint said, as he lubed up his cock.

“Well, you are the acrobat,” Tony teased.

I started to bounce on Bruce’s cock as I watched the screen.  Steve was pounding into Clint’s ass and jerking him off and Clint arched his back and came all over himself.

Thor stepped up between Bruce’s legs adding more lube, and teasing my entrance with his fingers. As he did Clint began to do the same to my ass.  I moaned loudly and buried my face in Bruce’s neck.

“I’ve got you,” Bruce whispered.

“No,” Tony said, lifting my chin.  “Don’t you want to put that pretty mouth of yours to good use?”

“Yes, Tony,” I moaned.  Thor had two fingers pushing in and out of me along the length of Bruce’s cock, stretching me so I could take him too.  Clint had started adding a second finger into my ass and I was already starting to question what I’d gotten myself into.

Tony teased the head of his cock over my lips. I flicked my tongue over the slit of his cock, and he hummed.  “Come on now, darling,” Tony purred.  “Open wide.”

I opened my mouth and he pushed his cock inside.  I closed my eyes and started to suck his cock.  The sounds of moans filled the room.  Not just from us but from the speakers.  My own desperate moans blasted around us.

I was barely even aware of that, all my attention was on the way my holes were being stretched.

Thor lined himself up and eased in.  My cunt stretched and burned to accommodate him, and Bruce groaned and bucked up into me.  My sounds were muffled by Tony’s cock as he slowly rolled his hips.

When Thor had pushed in as deep as he could, Clint climbed up over me into a crouched position and lined himself up to my ass.  The head of his cock pressed against my asshole.  I moaned, trying to just keep my focus on sucking up and down on Tony’s cock, but as Clint sunk into my ass, I cried out, releasing Tony’s cock.

The four men all gave me a moment to adjust.  On the screen, I was scrambling for purchase as Steve railed into me.  Natasha, Sam, and Steve had formed a train, Steve fucking into Sam as Sam fucked Natasha, and beside them, Wanda was riding Bucky.  I could feel everyone, but none of them could detract from how completely and utterly stretched and full I felt.

As I adjusted, Thor, Bruce, and Clint started to thrust, Tony grabbed my hair and pulled my head back.  I opened my mouth and he thrust back in.

They started slow, letting me get used to them penetrating me.  It danced a line between pleasure and pain, but as they picked up the pace and I started to feel fuzzy and unfocused, it felt nothing but good. Pleasure surged through me and I moaned and gagged on Tony’s cock.

Bruce held me close and Clint pressed down on my back as he balanced above me and thrust into my ass.  “Oh, god,” Bruce moaned.  “Feels so good.  Can feel you.”

“That’s right, Bruce,” Thor rumbled.  “All of us together.”

He ran his large hands around my hips and a spark danced between us, making my muscles clench out of my control.  I came suddenly and without warning, releasing Tony’s cock.  Bruce groaned and his hips stuttered as he tried to keep himself together but it was no good.  He arched his back and came, moaning as he released.

Thor and Clint pulled out and I rolled off Bruce.  I thought they were going to just change position, but Thor, Clint, and Tony just crowded around me, pumping their cocks.  I looked up at them, fuzzy and slightly euphoric.  I opened my mouth and squeezed my breasts together as I arched my back.  They seemed to be trying to time it so they all finished at once.  Each of them frantically pumping their cocks.

Clint finished first, moaning and letting his head drop back as he released in hot ribbons over my stomach.  Thor and Tony weren’t far behind.  Each jerking and releasing over me until I was painted with copious amounts of their hot mess.

As my breathing evened out and I started coming down from my orgasm high, I became aware that not only had the video stopped but the others were just watching us.

“See, Steve,” Tony said, putting the lube back and grabbing some wipes.  “I told you it was a good idea.”

“When you’re right, you’re right,” Steve agreed, taking one of the wipes and starting to help Tony clean me up.  “I have worked up quite the appetite now.  Is anyone else hungry?”

There was the noise of agreement and everyone started to get redressed.  “I say we order sushi and El can take a shower and when it gets here we eat it off her naked body,” Natasha said.  “That’s something we’d never do with the kids here?”

“Why me?” I protested.

“Well, you don’t mind getting messy obviously,” she teased.  “And it’s traditionally supposed to be a woman and Wanda and I have baby bumps and you don’t.”

“How will I eat?” I asked.  “And you know you’re not supposed to eat sushi right?”

“No,” she argued.  “Just no raw fish.  Wanda and I can eat the vegetarian ones or I’ll have the ones with cooked fish.  Plus, we’ll feed it to you.”

I chuckled and relented.  “Alright, I’ll do it.  But you owe me.”

“Don’t worry, mishka,” she teased. “I’m sure we can all work out ways to repay you.”

// NEXT

[mr-nauseam]

☠ for Holmes and Watson both.

Thank you so much for asking! : D I hope you like them or at least you don't find them too boring hahaha, I really haven't mistreated Holmes & Watson so much in my head but here we go:

Holmes.

Violence & Angry I think that the circumstances that led SH to decide to employ the irregulars were very violent, I have always thought that after the Gloria Scott case and before Watson, Holmes spent a lot of time in the poorest and most violent neighborhoods of London, studying crime in first hand and receiving a very hard blow of reality so late or early he would see something very common in those years and that was the abuse of young children, I feel that he saw many creepy situations that bothered him enormously, from children brutally beaten by their parents or being treated like garbage by the rest of the adult people -especially people with money who surely saw them with disgust- and endless situations, that made him empathize with them and want to help them in some way, he just didn't know how to do in that moment.

When Holmes mentions in the sign of four that the most charming woman he ever knew actually poisoned a couple of children for insurance money, I have always seen that this is somehow related to Wiggins or others irregulars because probably the poisoned children were friends or acquaintances of them and they knew the truth but of course the police and nobody was interested in hearing them! Especially when the murderer was such a lovely woman but Holmes was the only one who believed their word and with his usual tricks he managed to get the truth out, I don't feel that perhaps justice had been served or that the murderer paid for what she did but the act itself I feel like it meant a lot to the little ones! so thats why they are capables of trusts him and establish this union that later became a very important part in Holmes' work and in their lives - I like that idea that beyond paying them for their errands, he also tried to intervene so that several of them could get jobs more decent, they could get away from abusive families or even study, simply help them to have a better future in what they could :D-.

Watson

Angry?

It is obvious to many that ACD and Watson have a lot in common, I like to think that while ACD was changing his values ​​in a negative way as time went by for Watson his youth and his early years were vital to make him change for better. And with all this I speak of a lot of ideas of mine where I feel that Watson could be a very frustrated young man with himself & with the context in which he lives, and that it is until he meets Holmes that he begins to deal with this emotion in a more appropriately way, I feel that precisely considering his time there were people who crossed his path and were responsible for making him change his opinions.

So I think Percy could be one of the first to give him a new perspective on what a boy should be & if we consider that they were related in some way beyond friendship: his bisexuality - I mean there is a lot of field of study there, maybe he Was it scary to realize that he liked boys too? I consider it possible or realistic? Did he feel that he was a liar because before he had relationships with women that made him feel good? -.

And I am a fan of Watson not being a huge fan of the British empire and its achievements, his brief but significant stay in the war could greatly help him make this change and begin to be more critical and leave those illusions of innocent young people who believe that their country is doing the right thing, recognizing instead its brutality & the damage it has done.

But then in his attitude to addiction, I personally think that Watson's brother received very little kindness and insistence to help him from Watson when he began to reveal himself as an addict (an alcoholic) than Holmes received instead. The sermons and complaints are little to what I think should have been a more cruel or insensitive treatment, because I believe that although Watson is not naturally a bad or rude person, in fact he is extremely courteous, I feel that disappointment and helplessness are emotions that affect him a lot and if we see him as a much more impulsive and inexperienced young man I think he may have had a lot of fights with his brother, he could have run away from home refusing to stay with "a man who wastes his life" and even in one day potentially annoying to tell him that his life would be much better without him.

[miminiac]

Korrasami had build up, just maybe not one you identified with and that’s okay...

I am tired of the LGBTQ+ community hating on Legend of Korra (LoK) for not being gay enough. The critique that there wasn’t enough build up is (1) not productive at all and (2) honestly, not true. There was build up. It may not be the build up every LGBTQ+ person will like, and it may not relate to the experience of every person’s coming out, but it was there. Korrasami was something the creators had tossed around as soon as Book 1 (not that they necessarily had permission to do anything about it). Take this quote from Bryan Konietzko’s tumblr post after the finale aired:

As we wrote Book 1, before the audience had ever laid eyes on Korra and Asami, it was an idea I would kick around the writers’ room. At first we didn’t give it much weight, not because we think same-sex relationships are a joke, but because we never assumed it was something we would ever get away with depicting on an animated show for a kids network in this day and age, or at least in 2010. (link)

The post also discusses how Makorra was never meant to be endgame after Book 1. Again, the time LoK was airing was at a point where states were passing laws to actively prevent gay marriage (LoK ended in 2014, legalization of same-sex marriage by supreme court ruling wasn’t until 2015––context is important). Did they actively write a romance in Books 1 and 2, no they did not. However, as many creators and writers, they let the characters lead them and they discovered that Korra and Asami were more than just friends. Again, taken from the same post:

The more Korra and Asami’s relationship progressed, the more the idea of a romance between them organically blossomed for us

So what we have with Korra and Asami is not a planned romantic relationship from the very beginning, however, the characters have been leading them there since the beginning, whether they realized it or not. Now, I am a big fan of Barthes’ “Death of the Author”, so I 100% percent think that viewers/readers have the ability to inject their own narratives and that multiple narratives can coexist. However, the point of this post is to explain why a critique of “wish they did more” is not productive when it comes to discussion of LoK of a piece of LGBTQ+ media representation. Therefore, I turn to the creators to show that there was intent and there was subtext and build up within Book 3 and 4 (as Bryan discusses in his post, please read in full when you have time).

A lot of Korrasami was hidden in subtext, and that happened because of homophobia within the industry, which still exists today. Content creators of LGBTQ+ media continue to have to walk a fine line. Take Noelle Stevenson talking about Catradora:

My big fear was that I would show my hand too early and get told very definitively that I was not allowed to do this

And like with Catradora (though a little easier since Noelle told viewers that every character is a part of the LGBTQ+ community by default unless explicitly stated otherwise), people saw Korrasami from as early as Book 2 (if not Book 1 on a rewatch).

At the time LoK started airing, I still thought I was straight; I still thought I was straight when I was watching the third season and telling my then boyfriend how Korra and Asami were going to be a couple by the end (literally, when they interacted in the first episode of season 3 while Asami taught Korra how to drive, I turned to him and said it; he said they would never do that and it was a pipe dream). I continued to see Korrasami’s friendship build into something romantic (even if the characters themselves were unaware of it).  

Come Season 3 Episode 9, where Asami carries away a helpless Korra, mimicking Katara having carried away a helpless Aang. For those who had watched the original series and were big Korrasami shippers, this scene basically made it canon. It could be argued as the point that maybe the friendship switched to something more romantic. The rest of season 3 and all of season 4 only added moments between these two (side note: I came out as bisexual soon after season 4 started airing, though I had been questioning my sexuality probably since the end of season 3).

Now is the Korrasami relationship perfect, absolutely not. Bryke admits as much, but it was a significant step forward. Again, this happened in 2014, so a lot of narrative within media of states passing laws to discriminate against same-sex couples and deny marriage. The hand-holding scene everyone screams about not being enough. Well, they received plenty of homophobic backlash from that.

The critique that they didn’t do enough is not productive. It is a critique that could be said about most main-stream LGBTQ+ media. I get that we are tired of scraps; I get that we are tired of having to read between the lines because creators are still afraid to come out and say it (pun intended). However, to critique LoK as “not being gay enough” ignores the context in which it was created and what that representation meant to many of the viewers (like myself) who were discovering themselves and their sexuality at the time.

Avatar: the Last Airbender (ATLA) was made for 8-13 year olds (from season 1), and I would argue that LoK was made for that same group of people, who would have then been 14-19 years old when LoK first aired. Thus, LoK was being watched by those entering high school and college––a time of self-discovery.

Additionally, a critique that LoK doesn’t do enough leads to an idea that there is “a right way” to create a LGBTQ+ relationship, which I would argue is harmful to the community at large. If you did not identify with Korra’s coming out, that’s completely valid. If you did not identify with the way the Korrasami relationship progressed, that is also valid. But you cannot invalidate the relationship of Korrasami, as a relationship built off a friendship and mutual respect that blossomed by into something more. The relationship was not sexualized with wistful glances and blatant sexual tension, instead, it was built on a friendship and respect for boundaries.

Again, multiple narratives can be drawn given each viewer has a unique set of experiences. One such reading could show that Asami was more in tune with her feelings for Korra than Korra was about her feelings for Asami. And, instead of flirting non-stop with Korra, Asami respects Korra’s space (though we all saw her check out Korra’s back muscles) and recognizes that Korra has a lot on her plate being the avatar, a relationship is not something on the forefront of her mind. It is only after defeating Kuvira (and the healing/growth from a few episodes prior in "Beyond the Wilds”) that Korra is able to truly understand her feelings to Asami, suggesting they take a trip together––just the two of them.

Now, you may not identify with that type of coming out, but other people do. And to argue that “LoK didn’t make Korrasami explicit enough” undermines the experiences of those in the LGBTQ+ who heavily identified with Korra’s experiences and her coming out.

Holding LGBTQ+ media to this higher standard is inherently toxic. I would like to believe that these creators are coming from a good place with good intentions. There is nothing toxic or abusive in the way Korrasami is portrayed. There is nothing unrealistic about the way their relationship progressed throughout the series. It was not a fan service––it was the natural progression of the characters.

And let’s not forget that Korrasami is not only confirming a relationship between two women, but it is also two women of color. Now, it may not seem like a huge deal within the contexts of the Avatar World, but it is important to remember the context of where this show was airing.

There are things we can critique LoK on. It isn’t perfect. We can discuss the hiring of white voice actors (as a way to hold new media that is being created or will be created accountable, not as a way to just hate on LoK); we can discuss the voices within the writers room and the lack of diversity there. These are critiques that can be made of ATLA and LoK and countless of other media produced. This is a valid critique when used constructively. It is not meant to tear down an entire piece of media and everything that it has done for various communities, but rather to point to a flaw within the way media is being produced and the racist, sexist, and homophobic systems in place that determine what and how media is produced.

If we are to critique, we could look to reimagining how we create and consume media, not tearing down media that has already been produced and stands in a pivotal spot of the community. As Audre Lorde says:

For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house.

If we are continually operating within the systems of oppression, we will never truly be able to dismantle them. Thus, to operate within the institutions of Nickelodeon, Netflix, Disney, etc. is to be beholden to the rules and constraints of a moderate, heteronormative, sexist, racist society. If creators stray too far from that line too quickly, there will be backlash. The perfect LGBTQ+ representation cannot exist while made within these institutions.

I would like to mention this statement is not to say that we cannot critique or boycott movies or shows that are performative in their diversity. There is no excuse for Hollywood after the successes of Black Panther (2018) and Crazy Rich Asians (2018) (and others) to not fill the crew and writers with the same representation being shown on the screen. We can, and should, hold production companies accountable––and given the internet, it is something we can do even early on in the production process.

I have gotten a little off track, but my point is, think about your critiques. Really ask yourself if it is a productive critique, or if it is critique that actually harms or is toxic to the community. Critiques are hard, I understand that. When we first start to think critically, it is easy to just jump on these “low hanging fruit” type critiques. It takes practice and comfortability learning and expanding your world view to construct a critique that looks at context from various point of views and experiences.

[endof-theline]

Day 13- Tropetember: Sexuality Crisis

Day 13 of super early Tropetember with Sexuality Crisis! Teenage Tony's short-lived sexuality crisis formed around Captain America had nothing on adult Tony's sexuality crisis on the same man, except this time Captain America was rescuing him from a cave.

On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32562442

If teenage Tony thought he had a sexuality crisis over Captain America in his comics and posters, that was nothing on the sexuality crisis of today’s Tony with Captain America in front of him. Teen Tony was sure that he was bi when his dad showed him pictures of Captain America, letting him buy comics and posters of him without a thought to why Tony wanted them so badly, after his weird obsession with him died out so did the thoughts of him being bisexual as he never thought of or saw another man in the same light.

That is until Captain America stood in front of him, all tight leather and bulging muscles, and Tony’s mind immediately went into the gutter despite his situation. Unfortunately for Tony, his situation was far from sexy since Captain America was literally saving him from being kidnapped and tortured, and Tony felt and looked like shit as he stared at his saviour.

“Can you walk?” Captain America said as he walked over to Tony who was collapsed in a heap after being thrown back by one of his kidnappers, Tony heaved himself to his feet and trembled as he stood with his hand over the make-do arc reactor and the other braced himself against the wall. Tony staggered a step before he collapsed to his knees, huffing out pants as pain shot through his back and turned his legs to jelly.

“I don’t think so” Tony huffed before he was scrambling at the wall to try and heave himself back onto his feet, he wasn’t even thirty yet he shouldn’t have back problems… He shouldn’t have heart issues either but that was a present from the Ten Rings.

“Let me help” Captain said before he pulled Tony’s arm to go around him and put his own around Tony’s waist to help him walk, even if Tony was being dragged more than he was walking “Do you know how long you’ve been here?”

“A few months? It was February” Tony said as he followed Captain’s lead through the tunnels, he couldn’t help but press closer to Captain everytime they moved past a body even though Tony knew they wouldn’t hurt him anymore.

“It’s June, five months” Captain mumbled, more to himself than Tony but Tony nodded all the same. Although he’s not cared for years about it, his heart twisted to know he had missed his birthday because he was in a cave.

“When in June?” Tony asked quietly, he could see the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter as his body started to shake harder and the pounding in his head got worse.

“It’s the first” Captain said with a frown directed down at him, not understanding why it would be important.

“My birthday was two days ago” Tony whispered and felt his shoulders curl as he had to hold back sudden tears, he hadn’t cared about his birthday even before his parents died so why did it suddenly matter that he had missed it. Tony didn’t know if Captain spoke after that because as soon as Tony set foot outside, the pounding got worse as his body seized and he fainted immediately.

Waking up in hospital was something that Tony hated with a passion, but this was even worse. This was like a hospital but very clearly not and Tony had no idea where he was or how he got here, but he was not staying here.

It was only a second later that Tony recognized the tube in his arm, recognized the effects and realised what that could mean for him. He yanked the needle from his arm before swiping off the rest of the tubes or wires that were attached to him, shoving himself out of the bed and thankful that he wasn’t in a hospital gown but sweatpants and t-shirt that were definitely not his. Out of the bed and away from the meds that were being pumped into him, the pain was hitting him and blinding him with it for a moment before he forced himself to push towards the door.

The door that swung open when he got close and Tony immediately went on the defensive as a man barged into the room like he owned it, the man who stumbled to a halt when he saw Tony and the man who was actually Captain America out of his uniform.

“What are you doing?!” He snapped in shock, scooping Tony up like it was the easiest thing in the world and laying him back in the bed despite Tony’s struggling “You’re meant to be on bedrest!”

“I’m not staying here!” Tony struggled against Captain’s hands that were trying to keep him down without hurting him, and yes being picked up like he was as light as feather was the hottest thing Tony had ever been apart of and yes it was incredibly sexy that Captain could pin him down and Tony could do nothing about it, the sexuality crisis wasn’t paused due to injury apparently as Captain in normal clothes was also giving Tony thoughts .

“You’re safe here, it’s alright” Captain tried to settle him but Tony managed to fight his way into sitting up, a hand going to the arc reactor nervously and he quickly realised that his other arm was in a sling that he wasn’t sure how he missed the first time around “Why do want to leave?”

“I don’t like hospitals, this isn’t even a hospital and it’s somehow worse” Tony hissed as he couldn’t help like he had been saved from a kidnapping only to be captured somewhere else that wouldn’t let him leave, another man rushed in with wide, fearful eyes before staring at Tony who glared right back as it was clear by the clipboard and white coat that this was a doctor of some kind.

“Oh thank god, I thought he died” The new man sighed as he braced himself against the wall and Tony noted that he had in fact torn off a heart monitor so it was now reading as no pulse “Okay, now I know you’ve not died, why did you take off… everything?”

“I’m not staying here” Tony growled at him and ignored the surprised look he got from Captain, there goes the idea of being all sweet and kind and hoping that his childhood crush would fall in love with him.

“And you couldn’t wait for me to do it?” The man asked half joking but noticed how defensive Tony got over the comment so he just smiled and held up his hands “Sorry, but you could have done a lot of damage tearing them out like that”

“Then you shouldn’t have given me morphine, I’m a recovering alcoholic, I know what can happen and I’m not going back” Tony sneered since it was pretty open information that he was alcoholic but not many people knew he had been trying to quit before he had been kidnapped which has helped and hindered the temptations and withdrawals. Captain was still looking at him shocked but the doctor ducked his head and actually looked sorry which wasn’t something Tony was used to.

“And that’s on me, I should of done my research on you, I’m sorry Tony” The doctor said as he came to Tony and Captain’s side, the doctor looked familiar up close but his head was still spinning from the pain of getting up so maybe he didn’t actually look that familiar “And I’m afraid I do need you to stay here, there’s a lot of people asking questions and we’re worried about your safety if we release you. I can see what I can do about getting you out of this room, but we won’t be releasing you to the public”

“Who’s we? Where am I?” Tony started to panic and was very thankful the heart monitor was off of him as he could tell his heart was speeding up even without the beeping.

“We are Shield, you are in our medical bay. Think FBI but more undercover and secretive” The doctor explained and it definitely did nothing to calm Tony’s heart rate, but he felt a little better knowing that he wasn’t in a hospital and that he was secure here.

The doctor, who introduced himself as Bruce, checked him over and managed to persuade Tony to keep the monitors on but agreed that Tony shouldn’t be on morphine and would find him another form of pain relief quickly, Captain stayed at the back of the room the whole time and nodded when Bruce left them alone.

“You’re Howard Stark’s boy, right?” Captain asked once they were alone, walking back to his side and sitting down in the chair that had been left in the room like they weren’t really expecting anyone to use it.

“As much as he hated it, that’s right” Tony nodded, he was more than aware that Howard and Captain America had been friends when the military tested on him, Howard had been the one flicking switches and doing all the engineering that gave Captain America all his powers.

Captain frowned slightly but carried on “He ever mention me?”

“Only all of the time, I think it’s his fault I had a crush on you” Tony said before his brain caught up and he clapped his free hand to his mouth as his eyes darted to Captain’s face, the man had gone bright red with a half smile, half smirk on his face.

“Nice to know I have that effect on the Stark family, Shield told me that Howard developed an obsession” Captain chuckled like he hadn’t called out the male Stark line, Tony blushed and ducked his head as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly “I’m not saying you were or are obsessed, just funny I guess”

“Who says I’m not?” Tony muttered before groaning loudly as his mouth spoke before informing his brain what it was going to come out with “I think the drugs are getting to me”

“Sounds like it, though I don’t think I would mind this Stark’s obsession so much” Captain chuckled as he stood up “Try and sleep, Tony”

“Excuse me?!” Tony squawked as Captain walked off like he hadn’t blown Tony’s entire mind in one easy swoop, Captain just shut the door behind him and left Tony to his gay panic bubbling up in his chest “I’m not falling for Captain America again, I refuse!”

Tony was falling for Captain America again and he was completely helpless to it as the man stayed with him every day until Tony was able to move out of the medical bay, only to be moved into the section where Captain America and his team were based since whoever the Director was had noticed Captain taking a shine to Tony.

So now Tony was constantly around Captain and his team who were all really cool and Tony had become friends with them extremely quickly, apparently Bruce was also apart of the team so the doctor was always keeping a close eye on him to make sure Tony wasn’t taking his arm out the sling or getting out of his wheelchair to walk around like he wanted too.

It had been a week since Tony had been brought into Shield and Tony was still mourning missing his birthday, not being able to see any of his friends hadn’t really helped since he wasn’t even sure that they knew he was even alive. That’s why he had been so shocked when he had wheeled into the space that functioned as their common room, and it had been decorated for a birthday and the whole team cheered for him.

And there was Captain, standing in the middle of the room with a grin on his face with Pepper and Rhodey on either side of him. Tony couldn’t help the whimper that slipped out his mouth before his friends were on him in an instant, hugging him tight and wiping the tears off his face.

“Happy late birthday, Tony” Captain said from behind them, the pair pulling away so Tony could wheel over to him and hold his arms up in demand. Captain just chuckled before hugging him as well, Tony’s grip was tight even if it was just his good arm holding onto him “I know you were upset that you had to miss it, and you were saying about missing your friends so I thought we could celebrate with you”

“I’ve never done this before” Tony mumbled quietly as he pulled away and looked around the room at the brightly coloured decorations “Howard didn’t like celebrating getting older and then when he wasn’t around anymore I was too drunk to realise it was my birthday��

Captain made a wounded noise as Pepper gave Tony’s good shoulder a soft squeeze, it wasn’t something that her or Rhodey hadn’t known but it always hurt to hear how badly Howard affected Tony growing up. Tony was a twenty six year old man that had never celebrated his birthday.

“This is amazing, thank you Captain” Tony smiled brightly at him and he ducked to give Tony another, tighter, hug.

“None of the Captain stuff, it’s Steve” Steve murmured in his ear before brushing a kiss to Tony’s cheek, a blush rapidly spreading across his face that shocked Pepper and Rhodey but they quickly rolled with it seeing how fond Tony looked as he beamed up at Steve.

The crisis had been short and left Tony back to feeling similar to when he had been a teenager, slightly more sure of himself this time as he didn’t have his father’s voice poisoning his mind anymore. Tony was sure this time as he later told his friends that he was bisexual and that he was completely smitten with Steve Rogers.

[zaritarazi]

002 with mixen <3

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when i started shipping it: okay so i went deep into my archives and i found my first mixen gifset, here, from october 26, 2016. it is then followed by this gifset from october 28, 2016, a complete stroke of genius i’d forgotten about. and HERE is the first post i made about them while watching legends, also from october 28th, 2016. i’m assuming that the clip of her trying to kill him was released as a preview which is why the gifset predates the text post. so then in november 2016 is good it’s not really ramped up yet and then we get the chicago way and that, in a lot of ways, changed my life? for the better? unclear. am i being sarcastic? also unclear. there’s just so much about it that did me in. first the “i’m clyde that’s bonnie” because s3 of dusk had JUST ended and that was a RAW fucking nerve. just the exact shit i was looking for. the scene where mick puts his finger to his lips while looking at amaya’s mouth and you just know he’s internally like i am... going to hell. i am GOING to hell. amaya kissing him on the CHEEK? [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] and the real piece de resistance was len descending from the ceiling shrieking in gay rage like. that’s what really solidified mick’s relationship with amaya to me: he was willing to defend her to literally, literally his husband. he says amaya is his ONLY friend because leonard is GONE, implying that amaya is len’s EQUAL in mick’s eyes. mick is a complex character and he’s actually very sensitive but when we had him in season 1, he came as a packaged set with len. and he grew and formed new relationships and listen we all know i can and will ship mick with anyone dominic purcell this is a threat but amaya is, in canon, not just implied by dominic’s choices for the character, the time where mick is declaring his affection for someone out loud. and i also want to reflect on like. leonard, be he real or be he a figment of mick’s mind, despite being WILDLY jealous of amaya, had one goal in that episode: to keep mick alive. like mick was so reckless in season two and with amaya he seems to finally almost want to... pull back? he tells leonard “i’ll be dead like you” which says he isn’t objecting to the idea of being dead, but that amaya is giving him something that makes life exciting, and he’d rather have that than fall into his old self-preservation instincts. you can MARK that mick starts trying to die less after the chicago way until len comes back in the world war i episode.  like i guess i started shipping mixen when they became the epitome of “god said love your enemy so i obeyed her and i loved myself” are you HAPPY? is this what you WANTED? 

-

my thoughts: you accidentally had a baby with him. i am the reason he is able to feel love. we are not the same

-

what makes me happy about them: as much as i’ve focused on amaya’s positive impact on mick i want to emphasize that this is a two way street because mick is someone who taught amaya to embrace herself and what makes her happy. amaya has so much pressure riding on her shoulders and mick is never deterred by it. amaya has always been brilliant beautiful incredible etc but when we first meet her in s2 she is so tightly wound and she is so in the mold of what she thinks she needs to be and what she thinks the legacy of the anansi totem requires of her and when she’s around mick she realizes she can be... amaya. just amaya. like did she say to mick “what would a criminal do” because she was being horny on main? yes. but she also did it because she was genuinely open to learning how he saw the world. like it’s truly incredible that amaya meets mick and in the span of 30 minutes is like actually, mick is the most interesting and enticing person i have ever met and  [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] but actually there are just little things they do even when they don’t like each other that show a certain level of respect- mick tells amaya he’s not an idiot and amaya tells him not to call her “girlie” so amaya actually spends the rest of their relationship uplifting mick’s ideas and his accomplishments and mick POINTEDLY never gives amaya a nickname. the nickname one is especially funny bc i geniunely think she just didn’t like “girlie” and may have been fine with a different nickname but like. the fact that mick remembers to NOT give her a nickname EVER when everyone else gets one? the way he paid attention to amaya and respected what she was saying? the way they could be open with each other? like okay they weren’t canon-canon but a part of me is glad bc. this ship was originally marc’s idea and what is legends s2 if not phil and marc fighting for control of the story like the one ring? if marc had been allowed to make them romantic i fear he would’ve done his normal bullshit that he does with his couples where basically mick never changes in a positive way and keeps chipping away at parts of amaya until she feels like she is at “his level” and then he essentially takes over the rest of the parts of her life he hadn’t already taken control of and just, disgusting. like let me be clear on mick rory’s worst day he is still a better person than oliver queen on his best day i don’t care if he’s roasting people alive he is STILL a better person. but with that relationship choice being taken out of marc’s hands, we instead get a relationship where amaya offers mick the starting blocks to build himself UP, and he takes them and is able to keep building himself even without fully relying on her. when he tells her in season 3 “we’ve all done things we’re not proud of” and she just brightens so immediately, and the same thing happens in the pirate episode - and he is able to do these things for her because he let her help him, but did not make her his only lifeline. the person mick is in s3 onward is a person he feels better about being because amaya has always seen good in him and like. not to be dramatic but i am literally, literally crumbling into ash as we speak

-

what makes me sad about them: FROM SEASON 4 ONWARD SHE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE AND MICK IS JUST LEFT WITH ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS SHE MADE HIM FEEL AND THE WAYS SHE HELPED HIM AND ALL HE CAN DO IS TRY TO KEEP HER ALIVE, IN HIS MIND AT LEAST, BY HELPING PEOPLE (CHARLIE AND MONA) THE WAY AMAYA HELPED HIM. 

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things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have no issue with mixen being in fic with OTHER ships but to my fucking detriment it always seems to be a secondary pairing in captain canary fics and like 1. hate crime 2. mick is a bisexual he can have a husband and a wife he can have them at the same time he can have them at separate times but if you’re writing capcan i’m assuming you have a heterosexual agenda and i want that kept away from ships i like at ALL times

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things I look for in fanfic: a genuine understanding of mick’s character. he can be kind of tricky to strike a balance with but you can just tell when he’s being written too aggressively or when he’s being written just as too much of a bastard or a former criminal and like, i also look for amaya not being helpless and emotional bc quite frankly mick is way more expressive emotionally than amaya and it is so vital that this is understood. also if it’s sad i like to read it and then cry myself to sleep

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who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OKAY FINE nate for either. nate for both! final ot3 of nate/amaya/mick is good, pure, canon supported, and legally required. but also amaya with zari 1.0 and mick with ray or, honestly? zari 2.0. DON’T @ ME

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My happily ever after for them: they just get to like. live life together. mick takes in ese as one of his own and amaya does the same for lita and they have a 3rd child together that’s in the bible look it up but like. not giving up the time traveling life and the heroics and the adventures fully but being a family even when their kids grow up and they can be old together even if it’s them popping on and off the waverider sometimes together sometimes they do their own thing always put the kids first and sure mick has 22 wonderful years on amaya but he’s on a timeship he can wait for her to catch up so they can get old-old together. also nate is there romantically, sexually, raising the children, let’s have mick and nate make a fourth child, this is absolutely non-negotiable

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who is the big spoon/little spoon: amaya is AGGRESSIVELY the little spoon. like flinging herself into mick’s arms and like HOLD ME and mick just reflexively wrapping his arms around her bc she small. sof. smells nice. pretty

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what is their favorite non-sexual activity: amaya like why be having not-sex when you could be having sex? and mick like i don’t know. sleeping? photography? long drives? (it’s long drives & going to museums don’t @ me)

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Saw a fic tagged Lady Miraak/Lucien Flavius the other day. 

Oh my god.  That poor man.  He’ll be eaten alive.

OTOH Lady Miraak?? Have some courage and make it male Miraak.  Miraak’s bi as anything, he’ll take one look at this sheltered young Imperial desperate for knowledge of the Dragon Cult and... think things.

Bonus points for Very Sheltered Lucien at one point going “you know, if I were a girl, I’d be really nervous about now!  Because... because you’re a bit terrifying!” (Spoiler alert: Lucien Flavius is really nervous, and Miraak is grinning at him like a born predator.)

Miraak chuckles and tells him to report back for his first lesson the next day then goes off to track down the annoying but definitely Not Straight jester, also from Cyrodiil, because he has to ask, have the norms around same-sex relationships changed that much??

“No, no, only Cicero fears that Mr Flavius is... how can Cicero put this.  Sheltered.  Naive.  Barely twenty years old.  The only child of doting parents.  Has spent his entire existence in academic libraries.  Is likely untouched.  It is entirely possible he has managed to go his entire life blissfully unaware a relationship between two men is even possible.”

Miraak finds this hilarious and decides to have fun with that idea, and Dovahzul and history lessons are interwoven with VERY seductive body language, near-unmistakeable innuendo, getting Lucien all hot and bothered while not actually touching him then backing off immediately.  Eventually Lucien snaps and talks to Kaidan of all people, because he’s confused as all hell, because it’s weird, it’s wrong, he doesn’t understand it, if Miraak was a woman, he’d know it was flirting but Miraak’s a man, men don’t do that to other men, do they?

Kaidan the other bisexual facepalms, wants to know just how they ever let Lucien out on his own, tells him yes they do in fact do that, just as women often go out with other women, it’s perfectly normal and not remotely rare.  And yeah, Miraak’s seducing you.  Or trying to.  Do you need me to have a word with him, because First Dragonborn or no First Dragonborn, he doesn’t get to hassle you.

“No!  No?  I need to think about this.  A lot.  Oh Mara.”

Cicero is the next port of call.  Did you know about this, Cicero?  Men going out with other men?  Cicero stares at Lucien, puts down the anatomical diagram of pain nexuses that he’s been colouring in, looks at him long and hard and then bursts out laughing for a good minute before drying his eyes and nodding.  Yes, Flavius.  Yes, Cicero knew.  Cicero thought everybody knew.

“I didnt know!  Oh gods.  Miraak’s interested in me.  Oh gods.  Cicero, what do I do?”

“You are asking me for romantic advice??  Oh by Sithis... I don’t know!  Are you interested in him or not?”

“I don’t know!  He’s terrifying!”

“Good or bad terrifying?”

“Good... there’s a good terrifying??”

Cicero realises he now has to explain kink as well as queerness and wordlessly gets some books out of his personal collection. 

“Some people like having power removed from them and being rendered utterly helpless while a ruthless, ravishing brute does whatever they like with them.  Other people like taking helpless yet willing victims and having their way with them.  It does not surprise Cicero that Miraak is among them.”

“Which kind is he??”

“He just had five thousand years of Mora rendering him helpless, he’s either VERY keen on it or has had enough.  For you, boy?  Assume it’s the latter.”

Lucien whimpers.  Takes the books.  Runs.  Liriel gave Miraak’s mask to Dragonborn Gallery without hesitation and he’s been bare-faced ever since, with piercing blue eyes and long blonde hair and a smile that could tempt an Aedra to sin.  She let him keep the robes though, having had replicas made for her museum, the originals cleaned and mended, and then returned, and the First Dragonborn had been wearing those whenever Lucien had seen him.  Without the mask they were low-cut, to well below his collarbones, and while they weren’t tight-fitting, it was clear Miraak had muscles under there, and Lucien knew first-hand Miraak could fight with blade as well as magic.

Miraak was terrifying. That was a given.  But Lucien had to know for sure.

Next lesson, Lucien enters the safehouse, sees Miraak sitting by the fire, and Miraak only has to look to know something is wrong.  Different.  Lucien is staring at him and not coming any closer, and Miraak realises that after three and a half months, he’s finally fucking realised.

About time.  Now, what will the young seeker after knowledge do about it.

Silence and it is Miraak who breaks it.

“Is something wrong, goraan?”

“No - yes - have you been flirting with me??”

Bless him, his young student has finally graduated.

“You have finally noticed!  Well done, goraan.  Yes, I have been... how does Tamrielic put it.  Pushing my luck.  Nudging at the boundaries.  Wondering which will fall first.  Note I have not laid a finger on you.  Merely left suggestions in the air.  And despite becoming ever more blatant, you still come back for more.  Why is that, goraani?”

Oh gods, he’s changed to the possessive tense.

“I’m not your... I’m leaving. Right now!  I’m not coming back!  I’m not paying for Dovahzul lessons in sex!”

Surprise on Miraak’s face.  “It was never the intent you should, goraani.  Ah, krosis.  I took advantage of your naivety.  It was wrong.  I apologise.  If you wish to stop the lessons, I understand.  But if not, I will continue - only I promise to behave this time.  You have my word as an Atmoran.”

Atmoran honour and the swearing of a vow were covered early on.  Lucien doesn’t entirely trust him, but at length he sits down and the lessons resume.  Except they’re different.  Miraak is a respectful three feet away at all times.  No breathing down the back of his neck without quite touching.  No innuendo or purring or that damn smile.  Just Miraak being calm and professional and, and... Lucien hates it.  Hates every fucking second of it because walls have gone up, part of Miraak that was on display is now shut off, probably forever and Lucien... Lucien misses it.  Lucien misses the feeling of feeling scared out of his wits but safe at the same time because Miraak wouldn’t really...  Miraak apparently would.  If Lucien asked him.  Lucien does not know how to ask.  Or what to ask for.  But Miraak behind him, trailing a finger down the back of his neck, Miraak’s chest on his back and his arms round his waist... With arms like that, Miraak probably gives really good cuddles.

“Goraan.  You are clearly not paying attention.  If your mind is elsewhere, you are welcome to discontinue until it returns?”

“No!” Lucien gasps. Raised eyebrow from Miraak who wants to know where exactly his thoughts are flying if they are not here, and Lucien can take it no more.

“You. Utter. Bastard!”

Miraak doesn’t even look shocked.  “I am, yes.  Which of my many sins are you referring to?”

“You can’t just... you can’t just do this to me!  You can’t just spend months being all up close and personal and then just... just switch it off like it meant nothing!”

Strange look on Miraak’s face.  “Krosis, Lucien.  I was under the impression my attentions were unwelcome and you wished me to stop.”

“No!  Oh gods.  No.  You utter, utter bastard, I hate you so much, please don’t stop.”

Silence, Lucien’s face going bright red as he realises what’s just come out of his mouth, and he can barely look at Miraak.  Then the chair creaks, Miraak’s footsteps are on the stone floor and then gauntlets are removed, hit the table, and then Miraak’s hands are in his.

“Lokaaliin.  Is that your wish?  Truly?  For me not to?”

Miraak’s voice is gentler than Lucien has ever heard it and he finally looks Miraak in the eye to see the softest smile, one he’d not thought the man capable of, and Miraak’s reaching up to stroke his cheek, cupping his face and Lucien can’t stop himself leaning into his touch. 

“I’m scared, Miraak.”

“It is all right to be.  I have... not had a lover in a long time.  But I have not forgotten how to give pleasure.  I will give it to you if you ask.”

“I don’t even know how to - I’ve never had one!  Oh gods.”

Miraak just smiles and kisses his hand.  “It is all right.  I will take care of you.  It is your wish to move our lessons to a more intimate footing?”

Lucien nods, because Miraak makes him flushed and breathless and eager for... he doesn't even know what for.  Miraak takes him by the hand and leads him to the bedroom upstairs, promising nothing below the waist will happen yet, they can just talk and cuddle, yes?

After all the frantic worrying, for it just to be that is a blessed, blessed relief.  Miraak sheds his circlet, outer layers, strips down to his trousers, kicks off his boots and lies down on the bed, arms open for Lucien and Lucien hesitantly takes off his outer coat and his own boots and goes into Miraak’s arms, and from the moment skin touches skin, it is safety, reassurance, a throbbing strength that allays his fears as Miraak pulls him into his arms and holds him tight, and it takes Lucien a moment to realise Miraak is shaking.

“Are you all right?”

“Krosis.  Yes.  I am well.  I just... I have had no one in my arms like this in millennia.  Ah, goraani, I’m sorry.  Be patient with me.”

Lucien hadn’t expected that.  For all he’d seen Miraak as the scary First Dragonborn, he’d not even realised there was still a human being in there with feelings and vulnerabilities.  That... was a lot less scary, or rather it was still scary in a different way. Goodness, what if he hurt Miraak?  He’d never even thought of it that way round before.  Well.  He’d just need to be gentle, wouldn’t he.  Just as Miraak was presently being with him. 

It would be a few weeks more before sex actually started to happen.  Rather more before they finally told other people they were seeing each other.  Round about the time Liriel takes them both in her party, Lucien’s swarmed by Falmer, and then Miraak promptly immolates them all so fiercely you can’t tell flesh from chitin any more and when all the foes are dead, is frantically checking Lucien over, healing his wounds and then holding him so tightly no one can miss what’s up. 

Liriel has strong words for Miraak, but sees Lucien leap to his defence and at length decides, what the hell, anyone to be a reforming influence on Miraak is a good thing, and Miraak does seem to genuinely care.  Still, she does promise that if he hurts Lucien, she’s coming after him.  Miraak just smiles.  He’d expect no less.

Not so very long after that, Lucien moved into the safehouse with Miraak, and then it turned out his father got him a lead to this Dwemer ruin on Solstheim of all places and who better to go and have a look with him than a Solstheimer?  That led to a whole series of adventures, including that one time Miraak nearly broke up with him for remantling the Dwemer-Daedra entity that had tried to kill Miraak and possess his corpse... but eventually Miraak forgave him.  Even if he decided that if Lucien now had a demon horse, he was getting one, and acquired a Storm Atronach in horse form as his mount.  At least it wasn’t tentacled.

[shypansexualcrystal]

Older Steven x Bi Female Reader Yeah it’s not pride month, just had to share this idea. Reader recently came out as bi but has a rough time with it due to her family. Steven, after seeing Reader so broken over her family rejecting her, invites her to join him and the gems In going to Pride in Empire City. To show her that she’s not alone, that he loves her so much and her sexuality is a beautiful part of her that makes her unique. Inspiration for this was This Is Me from the Greatest Showman.

I am proud of who I am.

Title: I am proud of who I am.

Type: Fluff/angst

Character: Steven Universe

From: Steven Universe

Pairing: Older Steven Universe X Reader

I love this so much because I relate to not telling my family I'm bisexual as well. It was nice to write this knowing that I will always be accepted, if not by them but by others. Though I know they'll always be supportive of me.

Halfway through this, I realized that it said Bi Female Reader but I didn't see that until I was like 2500 words in so yeah, it's gender-neutral, sorry.

Also to make up for the lack of uploads this is like 3500+ words.

Unedited.

Key:

(n/n) = Nickname

!Warning! Sensitive topics ahead, just their parent not accepting them and being rude but still a touchy subject, just a heads up.

~~~

"(Y/n) please, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, stop ignoring me!" Steven tried to grab my hand as I brushed him off for the fifth time since arriving at his house. He grew fed up with me disregarding him and so he grabbed my shoulders in a tight grip.

I tried to lean out of his hold but he wouldn't allow me too and in return brought me closer. "And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!" I yelled in anguish. "Please let me go, Steven." Tears filled my eyes while I continued to thrash in his slowly loosening grip. "Please." My voice cracked as I slowly let down the barricade of emotions I was holding in.

Rather than letting me go, he brought me into a warm hug. Before I could protest, Steven spoke up, "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but you can cry if you need to, I'll always be here for you." He spoke with warmth in his voice, as if talking to a scared and frightened animal. "And know that whenever you need me, I'll be there for you, like you are for me all the time." The more he talked and comforted me, the more I sunk into his loving embrace.

Shakily taking in a breath I tried to clear my throat and stop the tears so I could speak, trying to sound less defeated then I am. "My parents rejected me when I came out as Bisexual." I managed to mutter through the cries of pain. "They told me I wasn't bisexual and that I either liked boys or girls and that saying liking both is me being greedy. But then they also questioned us and our relationship," I breathed in,  gathering my emotions, anger began to take over the sadness as I tried to explain to Steven what happened.

"They believed that because I was dating you I was only using you and that I shouldn't be with you. They made me feel disgusted for being myself. I felt weak and helpless as if I wasn't free to be who I want to be. For once in my entire life, I didn't feel comfortable being me." A shaky breath of air pushed past my lips as I closed my eyes in anger. Stevens's face held a look of sympathy as he cupped my cheeks with his soft hands making me look at him. His thumbs gingerly wiped away the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

Once the tears stopped, I closed my eyes and put all my weight onto him, as I did I felt Steven lay kisses on each of my eyelids, instantly the sting from crying disappeared and my eyes were no longer puffy. The kisses alone spoke volumes to me of just how much he loved me, which made me overwhelmed with affection that my parents refused to give me moment prier. "I'm sure they're just trying to wrap their heads around it, feel free to stay here for however long you want, either way, I know that you might not want to see them for a while. You have plenty of clothes leftover from previous visits anyway."

"Thank you, your the best." I pressed my face against his chest, just above his heart so I could hear it beating steadily, relaxing me further.

"I know I am." He grinned smugly, I didn't have to look up to know that much as I could hear it in his voice.

/Later on that week\

I ran my hands through my hair for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the past minute. My parents were still questioning everything about me and my sexuality, and about my relationship with Steven which was honestly making me frustrated more than anything since they were always so supportive of our relationship before, now they were questioning everything about us. They believed that I was only using steven to say I was in a relationship and they thought I'd ditch him as soon as someone new that takes my interest comes along. Which was so far from the truth, sure I teased Steven when I saw someone cute or handsome, but I never took it further than teasing because I love Steven so much that I can't put it into words, even if I tried my hardest it still wouldn't show just how much he meant to me.

It was just approaching dinner time and I was currently in my bed just scrolling through my social media and minding my own business, however, it seemed as if I couldn't relax in my own world like I wanted to since I was just stressing over my parent's approval. I could hear my mother on the phone with my father, talking about me once again. Honestly, give me a break.

I was about to throw my phone on my bed and march down the stairs to explain to my pea-sized brained parents that just because I'm bi, doesn't change how I feel and act but before I could even put that thought into action my phone pinged. I had honestly never been more relieved in my life when getting a text from Steven. Actually, that's a lie, his life is pretty insane and any text to let me know he's safe is enough to make me relieved

Sbeve: Hey, (n/n).  I've got something for you that I think you'll love. Are you free right now?

You: Yeah, why? What is it?

Sbeve: Its a surprise ;)

Ok, now my mood was improving, just texting Steven made my shitty morning better. Since it seemed as if I would have to get up and ready, as well as eat breakfast, I thought I might as well get up now. It was a good thing I went to bed after having a shower otherwise I don't think I would have enough time to be up, dressed, and ready for steven. Once I put on a decent enough outfit, I skidded down the hall and down the stairs before rushing into the kitchen like I've been doing since we moved into this house, however this time it felt as if I did something wrong when my mother looked up from her phone and made direct eye contact with me. I smiled awkwardly as to not be rude, but she just continued to stare.

I rolled my eyes at her lack of response, "you know if you're going to talk about me at least make sure you're in a room that isn't directly under my room and echos." I gave a tired smile as I looked at her with eyes that screamed 'im in pain, please just accept me for who I am'.

She still didn't say anything, but I didn't expect anything else. I continued to make and eat my dinner before making my way out the kitchen and back into my room and kicking the door closed before the door shut a hand stopped it. Looking up quickly, I saw my brother there. "Hey, I heard what happened, just wanted to see if you're doing ok." My brother was the one I turned to when I was at home and didn't have anyone else.

"I'm fine." I brushed him off, just like I always do when I don't want to talk about my feelings.

"Well, even if you say that you are, just know I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or a pair of ears to rant to, or even rough house with to release pent up anger. I'm here." He crossed his arms and lent against the doorway while I sat at my windowsill, looking out to try and catch a glimpse of steven.

"I know you are, and I can't be more grateful to have a brother like you." I smiled at him gratefully, it was broken and barely there but it was still a smile. My mental health had plummeted since I was rejected by my parents, and I know how much steven and my brother, as well as my friends, have been with me and trying to get me out of my slump of negative thoughts, all I wanted was my parent's approval. I'm grateful, truly I am, but when the person you always listen to and have looked in for guidance doesn't accept you for being yourself. It hurts. So, so bad.

"Stevens taking me out somewhere, at least I think he is," I muttered, knowing my brother would want to know where I was going. "I might not be back for a while but I'll text you if I stay out for the night." My brother nodded, kicking himself back up straight he turned and closed the door behind him, not before shouting out a teasing comment like he always does, which he seems to be doing more often as of recently.

"Remember, if you do stay out, use protection, I don't want to be an uncle to magic, 1/4 gem babies just yet, wait a couple of years for that." I flushed and giggled while hiding my face in my hands as I shout out his name in both embarrassment and joking anger. All I heard was his manic laughing as he walked away from the closed door. Trying to distract myself from my thoughts I went back onto my phone to mess around, which was easier said than done.

My thoughts filled my head, ranging from Steven and how much he and my brother have been there for me since coming out to my parents then my thoughts drifted to if my parents will ever accept me for who I am. Toxic thoughts began to creep in, my thoughts we cut off from someone knocking on my door. "What do you want now, (B/n)?" I rolled my eyes.

My door opened and Steven poked his head through the gap. There was silence for a bit until steven broke, "did I come at a bad time?" He stepped into my room and closed it after he was in.

"No, you came at the perfect timing," I said smiling at him genuinely he chuckled as he came and sat next to me on my bed. "I need a hug," I whispered, Steven, pulled me to sit between his legs with my back against his chest he then wrapped his arms around me. Instantly a warmth spread through my chest. "Thanks, Steven. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for."

Steven laughed into my ear, "I'm the only boyfriend you've had." He teased me. We exchanged teasing comments to each other for a while when he suddenly jumped up, shoving me off him in the progress.

"Woah!"

"Sorry!" Steven apologised, he scrambled through my room, looking through my clothes. I went to go and question what he was doing before he threw something at me. Grabbing the thing that fell on me I looked at the jumper in confusion. "It's cold outside and I don't want you getting sick like you did when we went trick or treating." Puzzled I pulled the jumper over my head and got up from my bed.

"Where are we going?" Steven didn't say anything and just grabbed my hand while running through and out of my house. I tripped over my feet a few times as Steven pulled me along with him, we ran across the boardwalk, waved at people we recognised which was practically everyone and ran towards the beach. Hardly anyone was at the beach since it was cold out, however, there were a few people scattered around here and there, the sun was in the sky and it was bright out, but even then with the sun out and shinning it was still pretty chilly, it got even colder when we ran into the shadow from the massive statue carved into the side of the cliff face. Eventually, we arrived at Stevens house, Stevens dad, Greg, and the crystal gems stood besides Greg's van. Once they all spotted us I waved at them, which in return got them all to wave back.

"Steven, (Y/n)! I was beginning to think that you two had got lost on the way here." Greg joked, I really liked Greg, he was such a good father to Steven and even became like my second father when my own parents decided that I wasn't good enough for them.

"Hey, dad! Is everything ready?" Steven jumped in excitedly, he was always full of energy and it made everything so much better with him around due to his happy go lucky outlook on life, it really did go against everything negative that happened in both our lives, no matter the circumstances he always seems to brighten up any room with a simple smile, it was comforting.

"Yep! We were just waiting on you two to come back." Greg told us, "well? What are you waiting for? Hop in it time to go!" Greg grinned while opening the back of the van for us, let us all get in and get comfortable before setting off. In the back of the van was me, Steven, Garnet and Amethyst while Pearl sat upfront with Greg.

"So do you plan on telling me where we're heading to or are you going to make me wait?" I ask in anxiousness, I really don't like surprises, never have never will, just the thought of being taken somewhere and not knowing what's going to happen fills me with anxiety, but I trust Steven, so I allow him to lead me on these wild adventures that seem to happen in his everyday life.

"Nope! It's a surprise, and I know how much you hate them but you're just going to have to trust me when I say you will absolutely love this!" Steven replied with that energy that never seems to leave him. I groan a little while flopping on the floor of the van, head in Stevens lap, gazing up at him only for him to smile down at me with a cheeky smile that he always gives me when he knows that I'll love whatever we do for date night.

I whine for a little bit but soon get over it and start chatting with the gems in the back while using Stevens lap as a pillow. After a 2 and a half drive, we finally pull into the very crowded Empire City, once I realise this I jump up and out of Stevens lap to see all the bright flashing lights and flags everywhere, music blasting in the background with happy laughter and screaming from the fair rides ring out. Hearing and seeing all the excitement made a genuine smile appear, i know exactly where we were and i couldn't be any happier. "Steven, you haven't just kidnapped me from my house to take me to a surprise pride parade have you?"

Steven rubbed the back of the neck while adverting his gaze, a blush raised to his cheeks. "Maybe? I just thought that since the whole negativity with your family was making you feel sad I'd surprise you with this and I didn't know if you'd like it or not. I just wanted to take you here to show you that your not alone and that people love and accept you for being yourself and i want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that no matter what I'll always love you and be there and support you, even in the darkest times." Steven finished his mini-speech with a nervous giggle.

I lunged at him and hugged him close to my chest while tears filled my eyes, "Steven, I love you so much, your too good for this world." I choke on my tears and Steven holds me against him.

Amethyst decided was a good time to pipe up, "yo, he totally practised that in the mirror." Steven yelled and soon the van was filled with laughter. Giggling I snuggled into Steven while he buried his face into my jumper to hide his embarrassment. During that time Greg managed to find a place to park up and we all got out and into the cold November air, on the way out Steven grabbed a bag from the back and pulled the straps around his shoulders. I shivered which lead to Steven pulling me into his side. Walking into the heart of the parade was like something I've never experienced before, the sun would be setting soon and the parade would only continue to be colourful and amazing from there.

Stumbling around for a little we walked around a little, it was like a regular everyday fair but even better. All around me were loving and caring people, within only a few minutes of being here we had already been given a bisexual pride flag and some glitter face paint for free! It was an amazing experience, and I loved that I was going through it all with Steven at my side every step of the way. Steven and I were just casually strolling through the crowd, we went on rides here and there, at some point we split up from the others and just went around on our own.

At the moment Steven had a hold of my hand in a firm enough grip so that I wouldn't be separated from him as he leads me through the dense masses of people dancing and enjoying listening to the music. By now a few hours had passed and it was now 8 pm. The sky was pitch black and the stars could barely be seen due to the light pollution of the neon spotlights flashing around us. A hill came into view and we climbed up it, once up high enough Steven stopped us from walking, taking the bag from his shoulders he opened it and pulled out a blanket, he lay it down then proceeded to pull out my favourite drink and some other snacks. Steven sat down on the blanket and i followed him.

We ate a little bit of the food and drinking a little we snuggled up close to keep warm, I rested my head on his arm while laying on my side and holding onto his torso. We were still close enough to hear the music, considering there was a pair of speakers up on the hill, there was also a few others up here with us. The music stopped for a little while and Steven checked his phone, I glanced over to see that the time was 8:30 pm. Steven put his phone away and adjusted us so that we could both see the sky clearly. "What's up?" I tried to ask him.

Steven smiled down at me while kissing my forehead, "nothing you should worry about just watch the sky." He told me, humming suspiciously i did as he said. Suddenly music started up from behind us and to the tune of the song, the sky lit up with fireworks. The first bang made me jump since I wasnt expecting it. Steven giggled at me as i looked at the sky in wonder and awe. As the last song faded out, the next one began to play. Just as 'This is me' began to play i pushed myself up and looked down at steven with a smile and excitement.

I felt happy and like my normal self as Steven jumped to his feet and pulled me up with him, the fireworks going off behind made this moment more magical as we danced and laughed, the finale of the night ended with a bang and I loved every second. Panting and chuckling at each other I loved into Stevens's eyes as we held each other to keep one another steady. As the song faded out Steven placed a kiss on my lips, fireworks went off and lit us up as we connected. Nothing but the passion was in the kiss, the overwhelming amount of love that words can describe was felt throughout the kiss. Once we pulled away Steven looked at me with stary eyes.

My eyes filled with happy tears as looked at the man who i loved with my whole heart. "I love you, Steven Universe." I croaked out.

Steven pulled me into another kiss, although this one didn't last as long the passion was still there. "And I love you too, (Y/n) (L/n). All of you, all your flaws all your talents and scars, I love you. And I'm proud of you, and who you are. I'm proud to call you mine, I'm proud that you're still standing strong after being broken, I'm proud of you for being you. You are not alone in this world, and you are loved, it not by your parents then by me. Nothing will change that." Steven smiled at me warmly, i returned it and instantly knew that I'd get thought this and for once since I came out as Bisexual...

I am proud of who I am.

[lukatheselkie]

PruMano Week Day One - Books

@prumano-week

This got super out of hand length wise, but I’m VERY happy with it! College AU. Romano wears glasses like the cute nerd he is.

Warnings: Mentions of bullying. Hinted neglect if you squint. There’s a brief moment at the end with a scene of someone doing something without being given consent.

    “Ouch!” Lovino growls under his breath, bending down to pick up the book that hit him in the head. He storms around to the other side to give whoever did it a piece of his mind, but the aisle is empty. He forces himself to take a deep, calming breath, and places the book in its proper spot. He scoffs, shaking his head as he starts tidying them up again. Some people just don’t know how to respect books! He loves books, which is why he jumped on the opportunity to become the library assistant at his University when the job came up. He gets paid to be around something he adores! What a perfect job. But that doesn’t mean it’s problemless. Flying books aren’t commonplace, but they aren’t exactly rare either. This is the first to hit him in the head though. He hopes some jerks aren’t playing a game. ‘Hit the nerd. One hundred points if you hit him, a hundred more if you do it without being noticed by him.’

    Not that he hasn’t been used for such a game before. He supposes it comes from his love of knowledge, and the fact he’s blind without his glasses. Thick glasses and an unquenchable thirst for information is enough to have him labeled as a nerd. Though this is the first time he’s been targeted since starting at this university, if he is being targeted. There’s a possibility it was an accident. Maybe the person ran away because they were scared of how he might react. He rounds the corner of the aisle, and his blood both boils and runs cold at the sight in front of him. In the area meant for seats, there’s a ton of books in the floor. A few piles vaguely resemble destroyed buildings. His left eye twitches, and his right hand jerks. Who in their right mind uses a bunch of books as a domino war?

    His question doesn’t go unanswered long, as someone sits up from one of the piles. “Time guys! I zink ve’re all dead!” More heads pop up, and Lovino’s other eye twitches. He’s going to strangle them all! But their ringleader is first for certain. He steps toward the mess, and the first person glances around the room, seeing him. His eyes widen comically, and he shrieks. “Abort! Leave! Ve’ve been caught! Angry librarian, coming right at me! Save jourselves! I’m a goner!” He falls back into the pile of books dramatically, hand on his forehead in a fake faint. Everyone one else takes off, but not without Lovino taking note of a feature on each that stands out. One has spikey hair, another has thick eyebrows, the third has long wavy hair, the fourth has a scar over his right eye, and the fifth has a big bow in her hair. He turns his attention back to the man laying in the largest pile of books, pretending to have fainted.

    “Get up. Now. And listen to my instructions. Otherwise you’re getting strangled for ruining my library.” The man stands up cautiously, and Lovino looks him over with a scowl. He’s taller than him, and more muscular, but at the same time he looks like a big gust of wind could blow him over. He realizes it’s because he’s an albino. That’s not going to stop his punishment though! Don’t make messes you can’t clean. He tilts his chin up to look the man in the eye, and forgets how to breathe. His eyes are beautiful rubies, and his hair spun cotton. Oh god. I really am a helpless bisexual. After a moment, he figures out how to breathe again, and lays into him. “You will place each and every one of these books back on the shelf where they belong! I don’t care if it takes you days! Weeks! This was your idea, so I won’t let you get by without taking responsibility! Your friends can have detention. Be glad you don’t get it too! I will help you by telling you where they go, but that’s all the help you get. Now get busy!”

    “Yessir!” He snaps a salute, then frantically grabs an armful of books. Lovino cringes at his treatment of them.

    “Not like that.” His voice is softer now, more exasperated than anything. “Here. Let me show you.” He picks up a book of his own, then another. He places the second on top of the first, making sure the spines are facing the same direction. He gathers a few more in this fashion, and holds them out to the albino. “Place the ones in your arms down gently. Take these. Read the last name of the author and find the right spot. I’ll follow behind you to make sure you get them right.” Gilbert tilts his head slightly, confused. This man was just yelling at him, and now he’s helping? After saying he wouldn’t?

    “Jou must really care about zese books.” He places the pile in his arms down, and takes the ones offered to him. A fond smile spreads across the stranger’s lips.

    “I do.” He sighs quietly. “I wish more people appreciated them. But no one seems to care about reading anymore. The world has become too fast-paced to sit and read a nice book. It doesn’t even have to be factual. It would be nice to see someone like you sit down and read any book, even a fantasy one.” He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. “But I guess they’re going out of style. Not many people care anymore.” His eyes open just long enough for him to dust a book off, and hug it tightly to his chest. “I’ve failed you. I’m sorry.” His bottom lip trembles. “My only escape.” Gilbert feels like he’s witnessing something he shouldn’t, especially considering who it is he’s watching.

    He backs away slowly, and starts placing the books back where they belong, triple checking each one before moving on. He doesn’t want to cause the librarian anymore stress. He feels awful for their impromptu game now. Books might be objects to play with to him, but to people like… what’s his name? Lovino? He thinks that’s what’s on his name tag. To people like Lovino, books are one of the most important things to exist. And an escape. But an escape from what? He glances back at the man, and he suddenly understands. From people like me. It’s a sad realization, one that makes him want to apologize for being so awful. But will he even listen? He doubts it, so he keeps his mouth shut and just works.

~

    Gilbert has learned two very important things from the past month of putting books up every day after class for an hour. One: Lovino has a younger brother. Two: that younger brother receives much more attention than he does. Which expands on his attachment to books. He’s most definitely lonely, but he likely won’t ever admit it. He’s probably felt alone since his little brother came along, and being distanced against his will in school because of his glasses didn’t help any, he imagines. He feels bad for the man. He wants to show him that he isn’t alone, but every time he tries to befriend him, he’s cruelly cut off. It’s not his fault though. He’s been conditioned. Everyone prefers his brother. Why should he believe anyone that wants to be his friend now won’t ignore him later? Gilbert grips the book in his hand tightly. He knows how that feels, to a lesser extent.

    Ludwig isn’t albino. He’s always had the favour of their father because of that. But he’s also stronger, and more handsome. Two things that draw in attention from others. He’s aware of it, though, unlike Lovino’s brother. And Ludwig makes it up to him the best he can. Besides, he does have a few friends! Ones that don’t mind being with him. He might not be like Ludwig, but he’s still active in university activities. That gets him plenty of attention. Lovino doesn’t have that. And he hates people that do. Rightfully so, because from what he can gather, they used to bully the Italian. He places the book where it belongs, and goes to get another stack of them. He casually flicks his eyes up to the desk where Lovino is, and chokes on his own saliva.

    His eyes are closed, his glasses are skewed, his lips are parted slightly, and he’s got a book in his hands. But most noticeable of all is his shirt. The left side of his collar is pushed down, exposing his collarbone and shoulder. Gilbert steps closer out of instinct, and doesn’t stop until he’s just on the other side of the desk. His skin is a bit lighter there, but not much. There’s freckles across his shoulder, up his neck a bit, and down his arm. He’s not been this close to Lovino since he was yelling at him. His eyelashes are long. They’re pretty. And his lips aren’t as thin as he thought. Maybe that’s just a side effect of his perpetually agitated expression. The door slams open, and he scrambles away from Lovino quickly, scooping up an armful of books on his way to the shelves. “Brother? Why are you sleeping? I brought you some gifts, silly!”

    He peeks between the shelves at the two of them. He’s not sure why he’s not out in the open, but this feels important. It’s the first time he’s seen the brothers in the same room together. Lovino is rubbing his eyes, grumbling about something. Probably being woken up so rudely. Gilbert can’t even begin to imagine why he’s sleeping at the job he loves. Maybe there’s stress at home? That would explain why his brother’s here. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were sleeping! I wouldn’t have come if I knew!” His lips turn down in a pout, and his bottom lip trembles. Lovino sighs loud enough for Gilbert to hear him.

    “No, I’m sorry. You’re here to give me gifts. I shouldn’t be rude.” He rubs at his eyes again. “Please don’t cry. I love you.” The younger of the two smiles brightly, all signs of sorrow gone. Gilbert clenches his fist. That little brat! It’s all a show! He wasn’t about to cry at all! It’s a way to make Lovino refrain from being grumpy!

    “Ve~! Here!” He hands him a bag, grinning widely. “Read my note first! I have to go study now, bye! Love you!” He pecks him on the cheek, and runs off. Gilbert watches Lovino closely. He’s still just a bit asleep, judging by his slow movements. He pulls out a piece of paper, and flushes crimson after a few seconds of reading it. He wonders what’s on it, but doesn’t let it bother him. Lovino sighs again, shaking his head. He pulls out a mini flag, waves it around with a grimace, and places it in a little cup he keeps his writing utensils in. He doesn’t bring anything else out, despite looking through the contents. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and goes back to reading his book. Deciding nothing else interesting is going to happen, Gilbert starts putting the books up once again.

    When he comes out for another pile, Lovino clears his throat. “You can leave early today.” Gilbert turns to him, brows furrowed.

    “I’m supposed to be here for anozer half hour.”

    “And I said you can leave early. What don’t you understand about that?” He sounds mentally exhausted. He decides not to fight him on it, though he wants to stay longer. On his way out, he is filled with excitement upon seeing the bisexual flag now in the cup of pencils and pens.

~

    “Get away from me!” Gilbert frowns. He knows that voice. He’s never seen Lovino outside of the library though. He must be on his way to it. He follows the voice, readying himself for a fight. “No! Stop! I told you to get away from me!” He sounds like he’s about to cry. He looks like it, too, when he comes into view.

    “Hey! He told jou to get avay, so jou better do zat!” The man pinning Lovino to the wall curses, and runs off. Gilbert wants to run after him, show him what he thinks about him tormenting his friend, but Lovino’s well-being is more important than that. He holds out his hand to him, and gives him a reassuring smile. “Are jou okay? He didn’t do anyzing bad to jou, did he?” His smile and stomach fall when Lovino nods, letting out a quiet sob. “Hey. Come here.” He opens his arms wide. Without hesitation, Lovino runs to him, burying his face in his chest. He rubs his back gently, hugging him tightly. “Jou don’t have to tell me vhat happened. But jou can if jou vant. I’m here to protect jou.” The Italian starts speaking, but he trips over his words too much for them to be comprehensible. After a moment, he takes a deep breath.

    “H-he tugged on my curl! He saw the bisexual flag Vene got me, a-and thought I would be interested in him, j-just because I’m bisexual! I-I have standards! And th-those do not include p-people that do th-that!” He dissolves into tears again. Gilbert starts singing, being sure to do it quietly so he doesn’t interrupt any classes. He rocks them back and forth, hoping to calm him down. Slowly, Lovino’s tears dry, and his sobs turn into hiccups. Those go away too though, and when they do he looks up at Gilbert. The German smiles at him, and gently wipes at the tears that are left on his cheeks.

    “Better?” Lovino nods slowly. After a moment, he gives Gilbert an awkward smile.

    “Yeah. Sorry you had to see me like that.” He pushes Gilbert’s hands away, though he really doesn’t want to. “I can get my own tears.” He wipes at his face quickly, knocking his glasses in doing so.

    “Vhoa zere. Don’t vant to lose zose!” Gilbert laughs, trying to make light of the situation. Lovino shakes his head to get him to stop. “Sorry.” He bows his head. “Zat vas in poor taste.” He looks at Lovino again. “Vhat does tugging on jour curl do?” A heavy silence falls between them, where they’re just staring at each other. An uncomfortable amount of time passes before Gilbert decides to take it back. “Nevermind. Zat vas also in-”

    “It turns me on.” Out of all the things…

    “So he violated jou.” It’s not a question. Lovino’s bottom lip trembles. He hugs him tighter, nudging his head with his hand. That’s all the encouragement he needs to bury his face in the crook of his neck. They stay like that for awhile, just enjoying the comfort of each other.

    “Gilbert,” he grumbles into his chest. He brings a hand up to his hair in response, being careful not to touch his curl. “I guess this answers my question.” He laughs quietly, brokenly.

    “Question?”

    “Mmm yeah. I’m sorry for telling you to leave yesterday. I didn’t want you to. It’s just Vene wrote me this really embarrassing note, and gave me all these… things. He mentioned you in the note. Specifically, he mentioned the possibility of me liking you. Romantically. I wasn’t thinking about it until then, and I got upset with you for no reason. I know now it’s because I didn’t want to admit my feelings to myself. But I can’t deny them anymore. My question was if I had them, and I have my answer. But I have a question for you. Will you go out with me?” He looks into his eyes earnestly. Gilbert’s heart skips a beat, and he nods wordlessly. A genuine smile spreads across his lips. “Thank you for caring more about me than you do about Vene. You’re the first.” He nuzzles his nose against the base of his throat.

    “Jou’re going to have to stop zat right now. I’m sensitive zere.” Lovino giggles.

    “Good.” He tilts his head up at him, like he did when they first met. But this time, he voices what he’s thinking. “Kiss me.” Gilbert doesn’t have to be told twice. He closes the distance between them, putting as much care and love into the kiss as he can.

[hopelessly-me]

I love your writing!! I dunno if you do requests or are sometimes looking for inspiration but I love a fake/pretend relationship trope and i was thinking you could make that pretty fun! An AU of a friend helping out a friend. An undercover mission that is a little too comfortable? Clint having The Best Idea™ for Steve to leave Bucky alone with his lack of "putting himself out there." So many possibilities!!

Hey anon! Thank you so much! <3 You made me do a stupid smile (which I love). I will gladly take prompts! And fake/pretend relationship troupe is adorable! I think I have only done this one once for a fic I wrote, and I’m never sure how to start them, especially if I want to keep the fic nice and short. But here is my best attempt for the day!

I hope you enjoy it! It was written rather quickly, glanced through a few times so excuse the spelling/grammar issues (I felt bad for letting this sit). Thanks for gracing my face with a smile today, you beautiful anon you!

It took a lot to throw Clint. He had been through some shit in life, seen a lot of weird things- being an Avenger meant he was used to weird. Hell, he liked weird half the time. But none of that could have prepared him for what he had just experienced. Clint stood rooted in his spot awkwardly, his lips working against someone else's in what was the most surprising kiss he had ever had in his whole life. The only warning he got was eyes dark and set on him before he saw the lips moving, saying something Clint hadn’t picked up on.

To say he was stunned was an understatement. He looked at the man, tried to work out what had just happened. Bucky turned and Clint caught sight of Steve before he felt his face turning bright red. What in the hell? Bucky had said something, and Steve was studying Clint. The only thing Clint could think to do was give an awkward smile and raise a hand in greeting. Steve muttered something and he turned and walked away.

Bucky turned back around and looked relieved before he started talking rapidly. Clint’s eyes scanned Bucky’s, then looked down at his mouth and back. Oh shit, I should tell him I can’t hear a word he is saying. Why does he have to look like that? Why the hell did he kiss me? What was I doing before this happened, anyway? Clint’s brain was having trouble figuring out what he was supposed to be doing.

Bucky stared at him long and hard, and Clint finally realized he must have been waiting for an answer. Slowly, Clint reached up and pointed to his ear, his voice caught in his throat. Bucky blinked before it dawned on him and his face started turning red. He smacked a hand across his face, dragging it down. Clint took the moment when those grey-blue eyes weren’t pinning him to his spot to slip away and go the bathroom, digging around until he found a spare pair of BTEs.

“Alright… what just happened?” Clint asked, surprised that the BTEs still had a charge. Then he wondered if maybe they were in a Stark tech pod that kept them charged. God, I wish I could actually think and focus. Today was just a weird day.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know what else to do,” Bucky said.

“Do about what?” Clint asked.

“Steve!”

“Okay Barnes- you need to go back, like, six pages here,” Clint said.

“Not here,” Bucky said. “Your floor. Come on.”

Clint didn’t even bother to ask about that. Instead, he followed Bucky into the elevator and looked up. It was awkward, a weird energy between them, and Clint was pretty sure with one false move, he was either never going to speak to Bucky again, or he was going to end up in the Hudson. Clint picked the smartest choice running through his head and kept his mouth shut.

As soon as they walked off the elevator, Bucky launched himself into the story. “You know how Steve is always on me about going out, trying new things, and all that right?” Clint nodded, because that was by fair the safest option. “He wants me to start dating. And then I told him I was dating someone, hoping it would get him off my back. And today he said we should do a double date and he wouldn’t let it drop; kept asking if he knew the gal. And then I panicked. I saw you eating a donut and I just…”

“Aw man, I dropped my donut,” Clint whined.

“Seriously, Barton?” Bucky asked with a huff.

“You kissed me stupid enough for me to drop a donut,” Clint replied, heavily implying that it was Bucky’s fault for bringing the donut situation to light. “You thought I was the safe option here? Are you crazy? Steve is going to figure it out!”

“I know!” Bucky said in a panic. “I just- I don’t know what I was thinking, alright?”

Clint watched the man pace, growing more nervous by the second. Clint himself didn’t know what to think, his head still trying to find its way around how the hell Bucky thought he was a good option for this. He looked down at his hand, now missing the other half of his Boston Creme donut, and took  a deep breath.

“Alright, fine, but only for two months max.”

“Excuse me?”

Clint grinned. “I like screwing with Cap. This seems like the best way to do that. I’ll act like your boyfriend for two months. Two, Barnes.” Bucky looked confused, though he had stopped pacing. Clint rolled his sleeves up. “You owe me a dozen donuts now though.”

“Are you serious?” Bucky asked hesitantly.

Clint shrugged. “I pretended to date Natasha for years- I can pretend to date you for less. Anyway, if I get kissed like that every time you panic in front of Steve, it is definitely going to be worth it.”

Bucky was silent for a bit, observing Clint. Normally, Clint didn’t like being watched that closely- it always made his skin prickle and put him on edge. However, Bucky looked so lost and helpless that it eased away the tension for a minute. It took a minute before Bucky looked horrified.

“No. No. Oh my God, did you just-”

“Maybe a little,” Clint smirked. “Gonna go take a nice cold shower now, sunshine.”

“Stop it.”

“Whatever you want, Bucky bear,” Clint cooed.

“You’re a menace and this was the worst idea my brain could have come up with,” Bucky grumbled. “Just to be clear, you are forbidden to think of anything remotely sexual when we are together near Steve. This is not supposed to… to…”

“Oh my God, you are so precious when you blush,” Clint teased and Bucky turned and walked. “Love you! Boston Creme! A dozen! Bye honey bunches of oats!”

“I’m regretting this already!”

-------

“Remind me again why we are the ones forced to do this one?” Clint asked, one hand holding Bucky’s while his arm was wrapped along his shoulders as they slowly danced. Bucky glanced up at him before he looked around the room.

“Because we are dating so it appears natural,” Bucky whispered.

The two month contract they had planned was nearly up. For what it was worth, Clint had upheld his end of the bargain. Once Bucky told him everything, Clint knew exactly what he could do to convince Steve that they had been dating. It was easy enough to trick everyone, minus Natasha. Clint could still see her amused look when he admitted to her what was happening, could still feel her hand brush against his cheek. Oh, you are so screwed. Clint could pretend to hate her for it.

As per their agreement, Bucky had to plan the dates. That was a lot of extra work, and while Clint would have done it had they actually been dating, he enjoyed the trips out they took. Clint didn’t mind laying it on in public- it wasn’t like people hadn’t known he was bisexual for a long time now. He would take the obligated kiss on the cheek photo every time they were out, and Clint took it as a win anytime he could make Bucky blush from the simple action.

“Three o’clock- you ready for this?” Bucky asked.

“Aww, honey, I was born ready.” Clint smirked and Bucky gave him an odd look. Clint kissed him before reaching into the back of Bucky’s pants, Bucky doing the same. It wasn’t abnormal for couples- but pulling guns out sure was.

The fire fight was worth it. Clint wasn’t sure which of them was more excited for this retrieval, although Clint was going with Bucky. He always seemed to get that air of smug excitement when he was interrogating, and it was definitely something to watch.

All in all, the mission took three hours and Bucky and Clint were in the car, driving back to the safe house. Clint shrugged off his suit jacket and rolled his sleeves up before he touched his lip gingerly. A part of him knew they were assigned this task because it was something they were both good at- fist fights and playing dirty. And hell, if they both didn’t look spectacular in suits. But he kinda liked the thought of Bucky thinking it was because they were already dating, or fake dating, depending on the words used.

“Hey Clint,” Bucky said over the sound of the radio.

“What’s that?” Clint asked, pulling the visor down to check his lip before he pressed down on a cut over the top of his eyebrow.

“I think we should extend the contract out for another two months. Really give me time to… figure out what I want.”

Clint looked over at the unease look on Bucky’s face. And yeah, Natasha might have been right a month ago when she said Clint was screwed. It was a little reckless, sure, but Clint leaned over the center console and kissed the side of Bucky’s mouth, drawing his head that way. It was short lived and passionate before Bucky swerved to stay on the road and Clint laughed himself back into his seat, the glare from Bucky worth it all.

“You taste like blood,” Bucky snapped.

“Split lip will do that,” Clint answered. “But hey- you know what I am thinking? We should continue this whole fake dating thing for however long you want.”

Bucky chanced a glance Clint’s way. “You think?”

Clint leaned his seat back and crossed his arms behind his head, making himself comfortable. Maybe it was the wine talking, or maybe it was the way Bucky had rolled up his sleeves the day before and licked his lips before he got that charming grin on his face, but somewhere along the line, fake dating Bucky hadn’t been a bad thing.

“Yeah- I think I kinda like it.”

[fanfictionismylifeu]

Just Right: JackJae

“You just need to find the one. Once you find that person then everything will fall into place”

Choi Youngjae was always told that by his older siblings and parents when it came to the topic of sex with your significant other. He believes Jackson is the right one and the absolute best boyfriend he’s ever had after all the guys he’s dated. Then why doesn’t he feel good as Jackson’s hands roam across his shirtless chest and sides while kissing and sucking his neck? Why does he feel disgusted and grossed out? Why does he feel anxious as one of Jackson’s hands unbuttoned his jeans and reached inside his boxers. “No! Stop. Don’t. Let go Jacks!” Youngjae yelled shoving Jackson off causing his beloved to fall off the bed. Youngjae jumped off the bed and ran towards the bathroom ignoring Jackson calling his name as he slammed the door and locked it.

Sliding down onto the bathroom floor with his back against the door, Youngjae is shaking and tears are rolling down both sides of his face. He pulls his legs up to his chest and lays his forehead on top. He feels guilty with himself for not understanding why he acts this way. He feels even more guilty when he realizes he literally slammed the door on his boyfriend of 1 year and six months as he curls in on himself to try and disappear. He wants to go out and apologize to him but he looks down at his chest and realizes that he feels too exposed and his fingers are shaking as he fixes his jeans back. Once his jeans are fixed he feels a little bit better but not a lot.

Youngjae’s head flies up from his knees when he hears Jackson calling his name through the door. “Youngjae? Are you okay? Answer me sweetheart” Jackson said and Youngjae could hear as he sat down with his back against the door. “I’m here,” Youngjae says, after a few minutes. “That’s good that you’re in there but answer my other question. Are you okay?” Jackson said and Youngjae knew that there was a frown that his boyfriend had on his face. “I-I don’t know,” Youngjae replied, sniffling. “That’s alright love. Was it something I did?” Jackson asked and Youngjae felt sick as he ignored the urge to say yes.

He can’t really say yes to that. Can he?

“Youngjae?”Jackson called, worry in his voice and Youngjae realizes he has been quiet for a while. “I’m sorry!” Youngjae bursted out and he knows how Jackson’s eyebrows are furrowed in confusion at that moment. “For what darling?” Jackson asked. “Pushing you off and running in here” Youngjae replied. “Don’t worry about me, love. I’m alright and it’s okay” his boyfriend replied reassuringly and Youngjae was dumbfounded.

‘How can everything be fine when I was the one who pushed him away and ran off disgusted?’ Youngjae thought.

“Baby. Can you tell me what happened?” Jackson asked carefully and Youngjae sighed, laying his head against the door wondering why it couldn’t be that simple.

Wishing that something like this could be explained.

“I’m not sure I even know” Youngjae replied and was met with silence. The silence lasted long enough to worry Youngjae and he felt terrified as thoughts flew in his mind about how Jackson had left him. “Jackson?” He called out hesitant. “I’m here. I’m just trying to understand what happened love” Jackson replied and Youngjae sighed in relief but also had a wave of anxiety. “Was it something I did love? Please tell me” Jackson said and Youngjae took a breath in and he struggled to get it back out. He was so tense and nervous and laid his head back on his knees trying to calm himself down. “I’m going to assume that it was something I did” Jackson said after a few minutes of silence and Youngjae had to bite back his tears that threatened to fall. “Can you tell me what it is that I did?” Jackson said, trying again to get Youngjae to speak and Youngjae tried not to blurt out that everything his boyfriend did was the problem.

“Baby. You know you can tell me anything honestly. If you’re scared that I’m going to be upset, I won’t be. Just talk to me” Jackson said and Youngjae sighed playing with the fringe on his jeans.

‘It’s not that I think he’ll be angry. But I know he’ll be disappointed and hurt. That’s worse than anger’ Youngjae thought.

“Was it the kisses? Or where I touched you? Or my hands on you?” Jackson asked, listing options and Youngjae wondered how he deserved a man like him. “All of it” Youngjae whispers hoping that Jackson didn’t hear but knows that he did. “All of it?” Jackson asked to make sure he heard correctly. “All of it” Youngjae confirms covering his ears in fear of what he’ll hear. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Jackson asked and Youngjae didn’t know how to answer. He’d only just realized it himself! “Jae. Was it me?” Jackson asked haltingly and that’s what got Youngjae speaking. “No! No it’s not you Jacks. I’ve never slept with anyone. I have never wanted to so it’s not you at all. It’s me” Youngjae replied knowing the last few words sounded really cliche but it was the truth.

Youngjae is aware that there has always been something wrong with him and that there’s nothing wrong with Jackson.

“Baby? Are you ace?” Jackson asked after a minute goes by and Youngjae’s brain stopped the worrying thoughts as the question surprised him. “Am I what?” Youngjae replies. “Ace. As in Asexual?”Jackson says clarifying and Youngjae is utterly lost. “I don’t know what that means” Youngjae replies startled when the door is knocked on. “Do you mind opening the door?” Jackson asked and Youngjae knows it’ll be fine if he doesn’t open it and that Jackson would not be upset about it, but a part of him wanted to open the door and be out there with his boyfriend. Youngjae reached to open it and looked down at his chest for a moment before pulling his hand back.

“Can you bring me a shirt please?” Youngjae asks, voice small and Youngjae hears as Jackson gets up. Not a moment later there was a knock on the door. Youngjae unlocked the door and opened it enough to grab the shirt Jackson offered before closing it back. Once he had on the shirt Youngjae felt an immense amount of relief. He felt less vulnerable. He opened the door and walked out the bathroom, seeing Jackson in the chair by his desk fully dressed. “Hey love” Jackson said a smile on his face. Youngjae literally felt helpless seeing that smile and couldn’t help but give a small smile back. “Hi” Youngjae said shyly as he walked across the room and sat on his bed close to the headboard cross legged. A small part of him did want Jackson to sit by him but the vast majority was glad for the space.

“So. Asexual?” Youngjae prompted as the silence between them began to feel stifling. Jackson turned his body completely toward him so they were facing each other. “Asexuality is an sexual orientation just like bisexuality and homosexuality. More or less it means that an individual does not feel sexual attraction for anyone but everyone is different. If I’m correct the vast majority are sex averse” Jackson explained. “How do you know all of this?” Youngjae asked. “Mark actually. He thought he wasn’t quite sure what was going on with him and he thought something was wrong so he came to me and we did research and believed he was aromantic asexual. That wasn’t the case of course when he began dating JB. Turns out he’s demisexual” Jackson said and Youngjae was confused once again hearing a term he’s not familiar with. “Demisexual?” Youngjae asked, curious. Youngjae felt stupid not being familiar with such terms and Jackson only smiled giving Youngjae a sense of ease. “Demisexuality means that a person is not sexually attracted to anyone until they form a deep emotional bond with them” Jackson replied.

“I always believed there was something wrong with me. My family kept telling me to wait for the right one. I guess that’s not true” Youngjae admits. “Most likely not. And there’s nothing wrong with you Jae” Jackson replies and Youngjae nodded. “I still have the links to all of that information and if you would like I can send them to you” Jackson said and Youngjae smiled, grateful. “If I am asexual, then what does that mean for us?” Youngjae asks.

Obviously Jackson is not asexual. And Youngjae has no idea how this is going to work.

“Nothing’s going to change. There isn’t a reason for anything to change,” Jackson replied and Youngjae had a look of disbelief. “Right” Youngjae says sarcastically and Jackson shakes his head. “Seriously. Nothing is going to change baby” Jackson says again. “But you want sex” Youngjae says shuddering at the thought of sleeping with Jackson. Jackson smiled scooting closer to the bed with the chair he was in. “Jae. I haven’t slept with anyone since I fell in love with you and it has been a while but that's alright. If it's hard to bear then I have toys to help with that” Jackson explained, blushing at the last few words he said. Youngjae listened, eyes soft with fondness and love. “But you have needs and wants. That’s not fair to you” Youngjae said again and Jackson sighed. “And I’m not going to compromise yours to satisfy mine. It wouldn’t be fair to you either Jae” Jackson said determination shining in his eyes. Before Youngjae could reply, Jackson put a finger up to his own lips signaling for the other to listen.

“Listen well my darling. You don’t need to change yourself for my needs or wants. I want you to understand that I love you for who you are and not what you can give me. If you want we can try some things and see what you like and don’t like but only what you’re comfortable with. You are perfect just the way you are. You’re just right and I want you for you. Nothing else” Jackson stated and Youngjae was in tears for the second time that night when Jackson finished his declaration. ‘I love this man. What did I do to deserve him?’ Youngjae thought, wiping away his tears, as he got up and walked over to Jackson, sitting in his lap placing his arms around Jackson’s neck while Jackson’s arms went around his waist. “I’m sorry for ruining our night” Youngjae said and Jackson pecked his forehead as he shook his head.

“You didn’t ruin anything. You just had an unexpected sexuality crisis. It happens” Jackson replied chuckling when Youngjae pouted. “I’m serious. Nothing was ruined” Jackson said again reassuring his boyfriend who nodded after a bit. “Before tonight, nothing we did before bothered you like this did it?” Jackson asked and Youngjae shook his head. “No” He replied, putting Jackson’s heart at ease. “I love you so much Jacks” Youngjae said, moving his face into Jackson’s neck. “I love you too Jae baby” was the reply as they sat there for a few minutes. “Hey. I noticed that you seem to be alright with cuddling. You want to cuddle and watch movies for the rest of the night?” Jackson asked and Youngjae honestly will never stop thanking Mark and JB for introducing them to one another. It was like they were fated to be together. “Jae?” Jackson said looking at Youngjae curious but Youngjae could see the slight worry. “Yes! I would love that” Youngjae replied happily and Jackson beamed. Youngjae got up from Jackson’s lap and pulled Jackson along to the living room.

Youngjae was sure that they would have more talks like the one they had today. And when he does read the articles Jackson sends him, he may feel a bit insecure and wonder if Jackson will ever leave him. But as long as Jackson wants to stay by his side and love him for who he is, then Youngjae has nothing to fear.

[thearvariblues]

The Bard and The Wolf - Chapter Three

(AKA Geraskier in the Metal Band AU you didn’t know you needed)

Just to catch you all up before I post the next chapter. In this one, Jaskier gets drunk and does something incredibly stupid. You go, Jaskier!

You can also fins this fic on AO3 if you want.

The masterpost for this fic can be found HERE

3 – When a Humble Bard...

It was a bad idea to check the comments before the rehearsal ended. It was a bad idea to check the comments at all, as he realized the moment he did it.

“Oh, cock,” he muttered, staring at the little screen. “Well. I know I said it was gonna be a shitstorm… but this is even worse than I expected.”

Renfri raised her head from her guitar and Geralt stopped fidgeting with his microphone. “What is it?” the man asked and turned his impossible amber eyes to Jaskier.

“Oh, nothing. The jury is in,” Jaskier smirked. “Apparently I’m just a common twink who’s forced Yennefer out of the band, slept my way in, and I’m not even worthy of licking her boots, let alone taking her place. And that’s one of the kinder comments.”

He blinked. He won’t cry, he just won’t. He knew it was going to be hard, that Kaer Morhen’s usual audience wouldn’t exactly welcome him with open arms, but… This was really bad. Really fucking bad.

He sighed and shook his head.

“Right. I suppose that’s it, then. It was a nice experiment, but you should probably find a… female singer.”

“Give it to me,” Geralt growled and snatched Jaskier’s phone from his hand. “It can’t be that… Fuck.”

“Basically,” Jaskier sighed.

“Can I see?” Ciri asked.

“No way!” said Jaskier and Geralt in unison.

“Oh, hell,” Renfri muttered, taking a look at her own phone. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how you spell fairy… And who the hell even uses the word fairy anymore?!”

“Our fans, obviously,” Lambert muttered, looking over Renfri’s shoulder. “Jesus. They’re vicious. I mean… I don’t even want people like that to be our fans, does it make sense?”

“Geralt?” Eskel said, and all the eyes in the room turned to the white-haired singer who looked like he was about to crush Jaskier’s phone to pieces.

“I really didn’t want to do this,” he sighed. “But I guess there’s no avoiding it, right? Fine. Fine. I’m gonna call Yennefer. Tomorrow.”

Jaskier felt himself nodding, but it was as if the body belonged to someone else. He couldn’t believe what was happening – for the second time in a fucking week. And of course it was. This had been a crazy idea from the very start. But he allowed himself to believe that it would work out in the end, because he clicked so amazingly with the band…

“Jaskier,” he heard Geralt say to him. “Jask.”

He blinked and tried to focus.

“What?”

Did Geralt seriously just call him Jask?

“I’m not gonna call her to come back. You will leave this band over my dead body. But Yennefer is a PR expert, and it was her who took care of our social media,” Geralt sighed. “What? Did you think I would beg her to come back just because a bunch of assholes on Facebook want me to? Yeah, if someone’s only reason to come and see our band was an opportunity to stare at my ex-wife’s tits, well… good riddance.”

“My words,” Renfri nodded. “Don’t worry, buttercup. We’ll sort this out.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Jaskier sighed. “Would you… Would you mind if I… I’d really like to go home, if I could. I’m not in the mood for… Just not in the mood.”

“Jaskier,” Ciri said.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. But I’d like to be alone tonight, that’s all.”

“Sure,” Geralt nodded. “I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you the plan. Okay?”

“Right. Thanks,” Jaskier said and managed a tiny smile. “You’re a dear heart.”

He quickly started to pack his things, so no one would notice his trembling hands.

*

One hour and three glasses of gin and tonic later, he made a decision.

He sat up on his couch and tried to find a tiny voice of reason, the last remnants of his sobriety, just something that would stop him from doing what he was about to do – but to no avail.

His laptop was lying on the coffee table and he opened it and went to make more gin and tonic.

This was either an absolutely brilliant idea, or a truly terrible one.

Well, he was going to find out soon enough…

*

Geralt was having a really shitty morning. He couldn’t sleep at night. He was mad at their so-called fans for being so mean to Jaskier. (Seriously, how could they? Geralt knew Jaskier wasn’t exactly the type that screamed metal singer, but he was so sweet – being mean to him was like kicking a puppy, for fuck’s sake!) He was mad because thanks to them, he would now have to call Yennefer – and he’d promised himself that this time, he would stay away from her as much as possible.

He was mad at himself, because maybe he should have listened to the band and Ciri. Perhaps if he was in the photo with Jask…

“Geralt! Geralt!” yelled a voice, and then Renfri barged into the kitchen, holding a tablet in her hand. It startled Geralt so much that he dropped his coffee mug in his lap. Luckily, the coffee was already getting cold, but his morning got much shittier nevertheless.

“What is it?” he growled.

“Look what I’ve just found – and guess where? On our very own Facebook page, shared by us!”

“Great. But what is it?”

“For fuck’s sake, Geralt… It’s a video, can’t you see? From Youtube.”

“What video?” Geralt frowned.

“Jesus Christ, what have I done to you...” Renfri sighed and tapped on the screen.

*

The video started with Jaskier sitting on his couch, wearing the same black trousers, black T-shirt and vest he’d been wearing to the rehearsal the day before. His hair was all ruffled, his face was flushed and he was smiling stupidly.

He was so cute Geralt had to bite his lip so he wouldn’t smile himself.

“Hello, hello,” Jaskier said. “My dearest… Witchlings? Witchitas? Witch… Witcherlings! Yeah, that sounds great. Hello, my dearest Witcherlings. As you may have noticed, this is Jaskier, the brand new singer of your beloved Kaer Morhen.”

Idiot, Geralt thought. They already hate you, and you go and call them “Witcherlings”?

“You’re probably thinking: Christ, is he drunk?” Jaskier went on. “And no, I am not. I’m merely slightly tipsy. The important difference is that when you’re tipsy, you’re able to post stupid videos of you yourself, but when you’re drunk, you need other people to do it for you. But since I am indeed on my way to drunk, we should probably hurry this up a little. Cheers to you, my dears.”

Jaskier raised his glass full of some clear, sparkling liquid. Geralt had no idea what it was, but it definitely wasn’t water.

“Now,” Jaskier said, taking a sip from his glass. “I think we can start this with a little AMA session. Here on my… trusty phone, I have a few questions you guys have posted on our Facebook, and I’m going to try and answer them now. Question number one: Where did they even dig out this pretentious twink? Well, I could object to being called a twink, since I’m definitely too old and tall and fat for that, but whatever. The answer is, they found me on the pavement outside their rehearsal room. I mean, I was standing there, I was having a shitty day, Geralt and Renfri saw me, invited me in for a drink, I played a few funny songs for the band and Geralt’s daughter Ciri, and then I went home. The next thing I know, Geralt calls me that they’re looking for a new singer, and they want the singer to be me. So, to sum it up… The pretentious not-twink is basically a stray they found on the street. Funny, eh?”

This time, Geralt didn’t even try to stop his smile.

“Question number two!” Jaskier announced. “Does this twink – holy shit, I really need to change my style, don’t I? – really think he can replace the sexiness that is Yennefer? Answer – no, I don’t. I could never fit in her dress. But I can buy my own dress if you insist. I’ll do it, if it makes you more comfortable. If you want to see some cleavage on stage, I mean, I can totally give you that!”

He pulled the neckline of his T-shirt a little lower to show more of his plentiful chest hair and Geralt could hear Renfri snort.

“Yeah, maybe not,” Jaskier muttered. “By the way, guys, I swear this is not some tiny, helpless animal I’ve taped to my chest, it’s, unfortunately, all me. Right, question number three. So you wanna tell me they kicked out our feminist queen Yennefer, only to fill her place with some half-brained male… Come on, guys, there’s so many more insults than twink! Be original! I mean, you could say twat, cock, moron, idiot, milksop… Be imaginative! But back to the question. As far as I know, Yennefer wasn’t kicked out, she wasn’t forced to leave, it was her decision, and hers alone. She left the band, she wasn’t interested in coming back, they needed a new singer.”

Jaskier shrugged and took a mouthful of his drink.

“I mean… Come on, I was as shocked as you are when Geralt called me they wanted… me. Because… Yeah. I’m not a gal, that much is obvious. In fact, I was convinced that it was just a stupid joke, but no. And truth is, I guess we just… We just clicked. With the band, I mean. They’re dear hearts, all of them. Eskel, he’s a great guy, a great musician. Lambert, he’s… Yeah, Lambert’s a dick, but a dick you can’t help but like, you know? Renfri, oh, my dear darling Renfri. She’s a total sweetheart, always supportive, and if you can trust what Geralt says, she’s one of the main reasons why I ended up being in the band. And Geralt? Oh, our grumpy wolf who mainly communicates in grunts. You can never be sure what he really thinks, but he took me with him to his D&D group, he didn’t kill me during the evening, and he even saved my poor little bard’s life! That means something, guys!”

Geralt grunted and rolled his eyes. Renfri chuckled.

“Right, where was I?” Jaskier frowned. “Oh, question number… was it four or five? Never mind. Guys, do you think Geralt’s gonna sleep with this little cocksucker – see, you can be more original with your insults! – as he did with Yennefer? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Just because I’m bisexual – yes, that’s right, I swing my lute both ways – and so is Geralt, we’re definitely gonna bang.”

“Oh dear God,” Renfri whispered as Geralt groaned and closed his eyes. “He’s just outed you.”

“Question number… The last question,” Jaskier continued. “Whose cock did he have to suck to even get in? Well, everyone in the band, of course. Renfri included. We’re all here for equal opportunities, right? But I might have done Geralt twice, I admit. Just to make absolutely sure I’d get in, you know?”

He winked at the camera and finished his drink.

“But let’s get real now, guys,” he sighed. “I get it that some of you… well, most of you aren’t sure about this whole… change. To be honest, I’m not completely convinced myself. We’ve only just started rehearsing, and we’ve got a gig next week and I’ve been freaking out ever since they told me about it! But I know I already love them all, I love playing with them, and I really want to try to make it work. So I’m only asking you to give me a chance to convince you that I’m good. That I really fit in with the band, even though I love bright colors and weird music and quirky accessories and I honestly don’t think Manowar are any good...”

“Do you think he knows you hate Manowar with a burning passion?” Renfri asked.

“Shut up,” Geralt growled.

“And I gotta tell you,” Jaskier went on. “This band is just awesome for my creativity. I swear that I haven’t been this inspired for months, maybe even years. I’m already working on a new song, and I’ve got those… snippets and bits of others lying all around, see?” He lifted a piece of paper with a few lines and a drawing of a wolf on it. “And you know what? I could play you that song I’m working on, what do you think? It’s inspired by that evening Geralt took me with him to his D&D group. Wait a second.”

He jumped up, knelt on the couch and bent over the backrest. His T-shirt rode up and Geralt could clearly see the hem of bright purple underwear poke out from underneath Jaskier’s pants. He heard Renfri snort once again.

Then Jaskier straightened and promptly sat back. Geralt expected him to hold a guitar, but boy, he was wrong.

“Yeah, it’s a lute,” Jaskier grinned. “And yeah, I can totally play it. And I’m gonna play you a song about the time my darling, innocent bard met the mighty White Wolf. I start alone, like this...”

He took a deep breath and began to sing.

“When a humble bard

Graced a ride along

With Geralt of Rivia

Along came this song

When the White Wolf fought

A silver tongued devil

His army of elves

At his hooves did they revel

They came after me

With masterful deceit

Broke down my lute

And they kicked in my teeth

While the devil's horns

Minced our tender meat

And so cried the Witcher...”

Jaskier opened the eyes he’d closed… When exactly? Geralt had no idea.

“And this is when Geralt joins in, with that mighty growl of his, going...” Jaskier scowled and changed his voice to a deep growl: “He can't be bleat!”

“That was good,” Renfri muttered. “If you ever piss us off–”

“Shut up.”

“And then,” Jaskier continued. “We sing the chorus together, and it goes like this…

Toss a coin to your Witcher

Oh, valley of plenty

Oh, valley of plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher

Oh, valley of plenty...”

Jaskier stopped playing then, and laughed.

“And that’s all I’ve got so far, I’m afraid. Consider this an exclusive preview, since you’re the very first people to hear this song. So far, I’ve only played it for the spider that lives above my fridge, and he’s even worse at giving his opinions than Geralt is. I really hope you liked this song and that I haven’t made you start hating me more than you already did. And since I’m out of my gin and tonic, let’s wrap this up, so I can go and make more. Farewell, my dearest Witcherlings. I love you all.”

Geralt kept staring at the screen for quite a few seconds after the video had ended. He would have kept staring for much longer, but Renfri decided to whistle right next to his ear.

“Wow,” she said. “That was… something.”

“Yes. Something,” Geralt muttered. “Gods above.”

“Any idea how it got posted to our page?” Renfri asked.

“I thought it was your doing,” Geralt frowned. “But no, it doesn’t make sense. You were as surprised as I was.”

“Definitely wasn’t Eskel,” Renfri continued. “He’s got trouble switching his smartphone on.”

“Lambert could have done it.”

“He would have called you first, dying of laughter.”

“Well, that only leaves… Fuck,” Geralt muttered, rising to his feet. “Cirilla! Cirilla, get up and get your ass over here, now!”

*

Jaskier was having quite a lovely dream. He was running through a meadow full of wildflowers, laughing, singing, the birds were chirping and bees were buzzing around him…

He scowled and scrunched up his nose.

No, it wasn’t the buzzing of the bees, it was something… something else…

He raised his head from the pillow and moaned. An angry dwarf was busily banging the inside of his skull with a tiny hammer. The room was spinning around him. And the buzzing just wouldn’t stop…

“Aw, cock,” he muttered, blindly reaching for his phone. That, that was the source of the irritating sound. He grabbed it and cracked one eye open.

Geralt. Oh, no. The video. Oh, fucking hell, no...

The phone stopped vibrating, but started again in a few seconds.

Jaskier took a deep breath and answered it.

“Hello,” he said, desperately trying to sound cheerful and not like he was about to throw up any second. “How is my favorite white wolf doing today?”

“Your favorite white wolf sincerely hopes you’ve got the worst hangover of your life, and if you happened to die from it, I wouldn’t object.”

“Ah,” Jaskier said.

“If you mean Ah, so you’ve seen it then, the answer is yes, I have.”

“Look, Geralt, I can explain...”

“Explain why you didn’t wait for me to contact Yennefer to sort this mess for us? Explain why did you send the link to the video to my daughter to share it for you?”

“Oh, I hope you weren’t mean to Ciri. She only did it because she loves me so much. And she thought it was funny.”

“I wasn’t mean to her, I’m saving that for you. By the way, do you realize you outed me?”

“I what?!” Jaskier yelled and sat up. Which was a mistake, as his stomach immediately betrayed him. He dropped his phone and sprinted to the bathroom.

*

“Jaskier?” Geralt said to the phone, but from the other side, he heard nothing but silence. “Jask!”

“What happened?” Renfri frowned.

“I think he may have died for real,” Geralt muttered. “Jask?”

“He’s probably just hugging the toilet very tight,” Renfri chuckled.

“He sounded like shit. I should go and check if he’s alright.”

“I think he’ll live, Geralt. He may wish he didn’t, but he will.”

“It won’t do the band any good if one of your singers dies of alcohol poisoning,” Ciri said.

“Nah. He would have already been dead,” Renfri replied.

“I’ll go and check on him,” Geralt sighed. “Ciri’s right. He’s an idiot, something could happen to him.”

“I didn’t say he was an idiot...”

“And how do you even know where he lives?” Renfri asked.

“I dropped him off after D&D. Stop it with the eyebrows, Renfri! I know the building he lives in. I have no idea what his real name is, so–”

“Pankratz,” Ciri peeped. “Julian Pankratz.”

“I’m not gonna ask how you know that,” Geralt sighed. “But thanks.”

“I could go with you,” Ciri offered.

“No way in hell, Cirilla. Renfri, will you take care of her while I’m away?”

“Yeah, sure,” Renfri shrugged.

“Excuse me, I don’t need anyone to–”

“And remember, no phone and no computer, Cirilla. I’ll be back as soon as I make sure the idiot’s gonna survive.”

“Don’t forget to change your pants!” Renfri called. “You wouldn’t want him to see you with your lap full of coffee stains!”

Geralt grunted and strode out of the living room in a way that made Renfri almost feel sorry for Jaskier.

Yeah… almost.

“Well, that was that,” Renfri smirked. “What do the comments say, by the way?”

Continue with Chapter Four