#and i said GAY SEX right there whats with the hets

[splathousefiction]

Suppression of adult content is just a disguised fascist appeal to "common sense" that eventually strips away freedom of expression, queer art and way, way more.

If you're looking at what's going on with adult content producers and sites and your reaction is "heh, it won't affect me," I need you to know that the only good gay to a fascist is a dead one. They're absolutely coming for you at some point, and they're not going to stop simply because you pass as cis-het and the straights invite you to dinner.

Someone on twitter said "If your community can't survive a trans girl with a diaper fetish, it's weak and will fall apart" and they were completely right. Your inability to simply accept that other people experience their sexuality and lives in ways that are different will be the weak link that snaps the chain of your personal autonomy.

As a sex worker myself of over a decade, we are the canaries in the coal mines. We have been warning you for almost twenty years this was happening. And now it is.

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna fucking bite them back?

Good puppy. We've got a lot of work that needs to be done, and it can't be done individually. Call your representatives today, write your officials, bug the fuck out of them and be very loud and obnoxious to these platforms about their pending financial collapse if they don't tell these puritanical payment processors to kick rocks.

make it very obvious to them they will go out of business if they don't support NSFW and freedom of adult content expression. The only thing these capitalist pig-fuckers understand is money, so make their wallets fucking bleed until they beg you to come back.

Tumblr wasn't so different. It never fucking recovered. It's limping along, bleeding money every year despite buyouts and more. It won't collapse, but it's problems went from being symptomatic to terminal, and it's got a fraction of the traffic it used to.

Bite them where it hurts, puppy.

Right in their fucking portfolio.

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

SHY GUYS GAY TOO LIKE THATS WHAT THAT WAS RIGHT???? LIKE HE WAS COMP HET WITH CYNTHIA BECAUSE SHES BUTCH AND THE SECOND SHE WAS IN THE DRESS HE SEEMED UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! EVEN THOUGH THIS IS WHAT LIKE WE’VE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE WOULD BE HIS DREAM NIGHT!!!

AND THEN HIS F A C E WHEN SHE PROJECTED ON HIM AND SAID THAT IF HE WAS A REAL MAN HE’D LET HER HAVE SEX WITH HIM WAS NOT JUST SHES BEING MEAN ITS SHE WAS PROJECTING HER OWN INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA FOR HERSELF BUT HES ALSO GAY THEYRE BOTH GAY THEYRE WLW MLM SOLIDARITY BUT AT THE MOMENT WLW MLM HOSTILITY HOW DID I NEVER CONSIDER

[callmelola111]

K.O. ♡ e.w. oneshot

 ✄ - - - -   inspo track   - - - -   bull believer- wednesday

synopsis: as hours, minutes, and seconds count down till the new year, secrets are revealed and trust is broken. who knew the downfall of your life could be so freeing—and that a total stranger would be the one to catch you.

      | 𓆣 | pairing & wc: ellie williams x reader. wc: 4.8k

      | ❀ | cw: 18+ themes (MDNI), modern au, reader is in a toxic relationship with a man (sexuality isn’t mentioned in huge detail so feel free to hc however you like—they could be bi, pan or just a lesbian with very real comp het), coming out scene (refers to self as “gay”), heavy swearing, descriptions of intense violence + gore, cheating (bf on reader), underage drinking + use of marjuana (18), reader is called a slur (dyke)

a/n: hi hellooo, long time no see! **first, a quick disclaimer: this isn't realistic, there is a complete lack of morals and an unethical/dangerous amount of violence that i wouldn't condone irl. but alas this is fan fiction based off a M rated game whose whole basis is violence, sooo plz keep that in mind when reading.** anywaysss... i’ve been obsessed with this song for months now and it sparked a little oneshot idea so here it is. not exactly my usual stuff, more of a passion project as i process my hatred for men as a lesbian who used to date them. soooo i guess this one goes out to my small town comp het girlies who love ellie williams. thanks for all the support!! ♡~ lola

In the south it never really felt like a true winter. All the holidays that came along with it never felt real either. Christmas was dull and New Years was even worse. After spending the last 18 years of your life in a small hick town, it felt like no use to wish for some “better future”. You were damned from the start. Sure it was a new year, but it was the same old shit and you knew nothing was gonna change until you got out of this hell hole.

Just 6 more months of pretending, you’d tell yourself. 6 more months of bending over backwards to please your overbearing parents. 6 more months of mediocre sex with your shitty boyfriend that you weren’t even sure you liked. 6 more months of artificial conversations with your estranged friend group from middle school who claim to “not get you” anymore. But at this point, as every little thing ate away at you, you weren’t sure if you could keep up your act for much longer. Especially tonight, where you’d be faced with the challenge of appeasing all 3. 

December 31st, 9:00pm:

Adorned in a matching set of mint green pjs you sat patiently on your bed waiting for the go-ahead. Like clockwork, your parents gave a small knock and pushed open your door from its cracked position. It always annoyed you how they knocked, pretending to respect your privacy while simultaneously enforcing a “no closed doors” rule. You thought at 18 they would’ve let it go, but no. 

“Well hun, me and your mother are heading out now. We don’t expect to be back till the morning… Ya know, just to be safe while taking part in all the ‘festivities’.” Your dad chuckled, throwing up some air quotes. Your mom stood deadpan waiting for him to wrap up his little bit before butting in.

“No plans for the evening, right?” She phrased her words like a question but you knew this was just her way of subtleing enforcing the stupid rules you’ve followed your whole life.

“Of course not momma. Probably just gonna watch Gilmore Girls reruns and then go to sleep before any fireworks start up.” You gestured to your pjs but your perfectly made bed said otherwise. See, you knew this little routine like the back of your hand. You knew just what to do and just what to say in order to lure your parents into a false sense of security. While they stood in the frame of your door wishing you a goodnight, your party clothes hung on the other side of it, just out of their view.

December 31st, 9:30pm:

A loud honking blared from just outside your bedroom window. You ushered the sheer curtains open and glared out at the little sedan sputtering in your driveway. Your hands ran down your face followed by a big sigh. It’s not like you didn’t know your boyfriend Jax was coming to pick you up for the new years party that night, you had planned it just days before. But unbeknownst to him, the only reason you reached out was because you didn’t have a ride and tonight was one of the few times your parents wouldn’t be around to police curfew. 

You climbed into the passenger seat already cringing at the unidentifiable smell and litters of trash covering the floor. Forcing a smile to your face you greet the grimey boy sitting at the wheel with a wave.

“Come onnnn, not even a kiss? You must be real happy to see me, huh?” You grit your teeth, squeeze both eye’s shut, and lean in for a peck to appease his complaints. 

“Of course I’m happy to see you babe.” This was a lie. Something you had become quite good at these past few years, even lying to yourself at times. The rest of the car ride was silent, leaving you to ponder this drudgery of a relationship. You weren’t quite sure when things shifted or if there was ever an attraction at all, but after a year together and college approaching you just decided to ride it out until the inevitable. And part of you recognized the same in him, so there was never any guilt about it. 

December 31st, 9:45pm:

Alcohol was the first thing on your mind as soon as the car went into park. The door to the house was propped wide open, inviting in teens of the small town. Some top 10 hit boomed from a speaker nested in the main living area, not really your style—at least not sober. You scavenged the kitchen for a clean solo cup to designate as your own and began the journey to drunkenness. Jax followed in suit with a couple bottles of beer. The harsh burn in your throat lingered but the alcohol's effect was already beginning to take off the edge that was your life.

You attempted to initiate some conversation with the man who had brought you here but he was too busy texting to listen. So consumed with the glow of his screen, you couldn’t help but peek to see what was so interesting. As soon as you got a glimpse you wished you had been less nosey. His attention was not being stolen by a dumb Instagram reels, but actually, a long string of texts with a girl whose name you didn’t recognize. Your stomach pinged at his possible infidelity. Partly because he was your boyfriend but mostly because you’d spent months convincing yourself to like him, to stay with him, to be a good girlfriend—and he could care less. All this work and effort on your part was simply discarded with his unloyal behavior. It was all for nothing. But hey, maybe you were just drawing conclusions. It could just be a friend. Right?

December 31st, 10:15pm:

Jax had finally shifted his attention back to you before his screen lit up again causing you to retaliate in irritation. You swiped up the cracked device before he had the chance and began to scroll.

“Can’t you just silence it? What is soooo fucking importan-.” Your voice caught at the sight of flirty messages littering the screen.

“Are-are you fucking cheating on me?” You instantly questioned.

“Bro no! Give me my fucking phone back!”

“Who the fuck are you texting then? ‘Mary Jane’,” you spouted in a mocking tone, “no way is that someone's real name. You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“It’s a joke between me and my cousin. Now would you chill?”

“Your cousin?? You call your cousin baby?? I mean, I knew this town was full of hicks but I didn’t know y’all were those kinds of hicks.” The alcohol was giving you a little too much courage as your taunting waded into dangerous territory.

“The fuck did you just say? Don’t fucking test me! Can’t even handle a couple shots without getting all crazy on me!!”

“Crazy?? I’m being fucking reasonable. Literally any other person would be bothered by this just as much as me.”

“You know what, just fuck off. We can talk when you stop being such a delusional bitch.” He then disappeared into the living room, landing onto the couch, leaving you alone with your anger. 

December 31st, 10:30pm:

You stood idle, bubbling over with emotion, eye’s filling with tears when a wet sensation hit your upper lip. Its flow grew stronger and began to trickle onto your hands where your gaze was locked. Deep red stained your palms- a random nosebleed. It was like a sign from the universe. A sign that you weren’t crazy. In fact, you might be one of the only sane people in this whole damn town. Stuck in your reverie, blood continued to drip on your hands, your shirt, your lips- everywhere. That is until a kind eyed girl slipped you a dish towel to stop the flow. 

“Uh hey, your nose is bleeding.” You snapped your head up finally acknowledging the moment in full.

“Shit thanks, sorry…” Your face went hot realizing how long you had been just standing still, letting the blood fall where it may. The heat doubled, spreading to your ears when you finally acknowledged the person who had witnessed the whole thing. Ellie Williams. You had never formally met but knew of her existence, as she had kind of a reputation around school. There wasn’t anything inherently bad about her (at least in your opinion), she just didn’t fit the mold of most residents in your town. Therefore, she was a target for people's prejudices, especially being the only out lesbian in your senior class. Despite everyone else’s thoughts, you really admired her. You wished you had that type of courage.

“It’s no problem…” the auburn haired girl glanced down deciding what to say next before lifting her gaze back up to you. “Not to be nosey, I know you don’t really know me, but like… are you okay?”

Head tilted back, you gave a nasally reply, “Oh me? Yeah, yeah uh- I’m okay” 

“No offense but uh, you don’t look that okay.” she gestured to your bloody everything.

“Alright so I’m not okay, you got me.” You looked down to your now crimson stained blouse and scrubbed frantically at the chiffon material trying to reprimand the damage.

“Here, here– You can just take my flannel to cover it up, I promise I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?” Before you could say anything else, Ellie was sliding the warm garment over your shoulders and guiding you into the arm holes. It was dark blue, in a faded plaid pattern, and smelled of pine and incense. The girl was now left barren in just her white tank– and all for you.

“Yeah of course.” She then took it a step further, buttoning you up. You watched as her dexterous fingers worked up from the bottom of the shirt to the top, brushing you at each maneuver. A little jab into the plush right under your naval, a swipe past your ribs, and a tap at your collarbones. The quick, unexpected interaction left you completely flustered and you weren’t quite sure why.

“Thank you.” was all you could say. 

“Sooo… do you wanna talk about it?” At this point, Ellie was completely enamored with you from the way you handled yourself with Jax. She had this unusual feeling, a feeling like she needed to protect you. A feeling that you were different from most. Maybe you were even a little like her?

“Honestly, yeah. My friend Samara was supposed to be here tonight but I guess she decided not to show, and I’m starting to wish I didn’t either.”

“Well, if it’s worth anything, I’m glad you’re here. Come on now, follow me.” Ellie led the way to a set of stairs at the edge of the living room. You snaked right past the couch where Jax was drunkenly passed out, mumbling obscenities at his phone. Of course, he paid no mind to you. The idiot was too consumed with himself to even wonder if you were okay.

December 31st, 11:00pm:

You and the sweet girl sat on the rough carpeted step talking about everything under the sun. Ellie was the first person in a really long time who you felt you could be honest with.

“So you think he’s cheating on you?” she questions trying to clarify the few bits of dialogue she heard while watching from afar.

“I know he is. I’m not stupid.”

“I’m sure you’re not.” Ellie put her head down staring at the laces of her dirty converse. You felt so unreadable, making her unsure of how to proceed in the conversation. “So00, how do you feel about it all then?”

“I don’t know, I guess angry.” you answered with a remarkably solemn tone. 

“What about… sad?”

Like second nature, you instantly thought of a less than honest answer until Ellie’s attentive green eyes brought you back to Earth. 

“It feels like… I’m supposed to be sad, but I can’t. In a twisted, confusing way, I’m honestly kinda relieved. So fucking pissed, but relieved.” Ellie’s lids widened, this was an answer she wasn’t expecting at all–but one she was glad to hear.  

“I can’t blame you, he does kinda seem like a piece of shit.”

“And his dick is small too.” you quipped, making Ellie chuckle under her breath.

“Maybe I’m reading into things, but… it seems like you never really liked this guy in the first place.” 

You took a guilty pause before confirming, “Maybe…”

“So why haven’t you broken up with him?” Ellie was genuinely curious. She thought if it was her in the situation she definitely would’ve gotten rid of that Jax guy long, long ago. Who would wanna keep around a douche bag like that?

“Being with Jax felt convenient. He felt like my ticket to ‘normalcy’.” You put your head down in slight shame but continued the explanation. “I got so caught up in my image that I neglected how I actually felt. I was doing everything to please everyone but me.”  Ellie scooted in one inch to the left, now connecting your thighs and bringing in a sense of comfort.

“Trust me, I understand. This town is fucking ruthless.”

“God yeah, the things I’ve heard people say about you are seriously fucked up. I don’t know how you do it.” A beat of silence lingered as Ellie articulated her thoughts.

“I think… community. I mean, obviously most of the people at our school look down on me, but all it takes is one singular person to be right there with you and then things don’t feel so bad. I guess for me, I can’t imagine being anything but myself. Like completely myself.” The girl looked up from the hangnail she was picking at as she spoke and was met with your tear filled eyes. “Fuck, did I say something?”

Your hand shot up to quickly wipe away the floodgates threatening to fall, “No, no. It’s just that you’re right,” you stuttered, choking down another cry, “an-and, I wish I would've realized it sooner because these past 4 years have been like hell. I don’t wanna be the cookie cutter straight girl anymore. I just wanna be me.”

Ellie then placed a gentle hand to your knee and brought her eyes to meet your own, “And what might that be?”

“Gay. Like really fucking gay.” you said through teary-eyed laughs as Ellie joined in with her own hearty chuckle.

“Welcome to the club.” she said, sticking out a strong hand for you to shake. You grasped it tightly as her warm palm guided you up and down, her touch lingering just a little longer than the gesture itself. As you collected yourself you whipped out a small pocket mirror to touch up the smudged mascara littering your undereyes. Ellie admired in silence. She was in pure awe of your resilience, and when you were finished with your clean up, you turned back to realize what had just gone down.

“Fuck, I’m sorry for dumping all that on you considering we just met. It’s weird how things I’ve never even said out loud before can come out so easily around a stranger.”

Ellie nudges you with her shoulder, “I guess I just have that effect, huh?”

“I guess you do.” you sighed, nudging her back.

December 31st, 11:15pm:

The two of you continued your banter until a cold breeze from the back door gave Ellie a brilliant idea.

“Dare I say… you look like you need a blunt?” she said with a mischievous smirk.

“No, please. It's exactly what I need.”

Ellie then reached into the pocket of her baggy jeans, “I guess it’s your lucky day then.” she said, revealing the most perfectly wrapped blunt you’d ever seen.

“You’re actually god sent Ellie. How are we just now meeting?” The auburn-haired girl gave a small laugh before grabbing your hand and leading you to the backyard. As she pushed the white panel door open, every single ounce of weight that had been lifted off from that one singular conversation, all came crashing back down. Ellie and you weren’t the only ones who adventured outside into the brisk night air. Right on the porch stood Jax, accompanied by your “friend” Samara, who up until this point you didn’t even think was coming. The piece of shit was practically sucking her face off before the creaking sound of the back door sent them 5 feet apart.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” you yelled, eyes growing dark with rage. Ellie just stood and watched from the corner.

“Babe, please! I swear it’s not what you think!” Jax stumbled forward, attempting to grasp at your figure.

“Don’t you dare try and touch me! You don’t even deserve to look at me. It’s over Jax. I’m done being suffocated by your never ending bullshit!” Knuckles clenched, you continued your lashings, this time at Samara. “I-I thought we were friends. What happened to that?”

“You don’t even like him. You should be thanking me.” she spat. 

“You really don’t get it, huh? This has nothing to do with me liking Jax or not, you completely betrayed our friendship the second you started fucking him behind my back. Friends don’t fuck each other boyfriends Samara!” Before she could even respond Jax was dragging her away, flipping you off on the way inside.

“Ellie-” you squeaked, trembling in shock. 

“Come here, it’s okay love.” she whispered, parting her arms to make a safe space just for you. You collapsed into the warm cavity and relinquished the buckets of tears you had been saving for the moment someone actually gave a fuck. And Ellie did. She never let go of you even for a second as you crumbled under her.

“Jeez I’m sorry.” you said after minutes of pure silence, lifting your head to meet Ellie’s green eyes. 

“For what?”

“For being a drunk mess, crying to you about a man, and also, I think I got a little snot on your shirt.” you tried to laugh it off but you really just wanted to disappear.

Taking your face in her palms Ellie reassured you, “hey, hey no need to be sorry pretty girl. You’ve been through a lot tonight. Besides, I think I look kinda good with this huge ass wet spot in the middle of my tank top. What do you think?” You stepped back and took a look at the damage, and honestly, she was kinda right. With the white cotton material you could see right through to her toned stomach, barely missing the bottom of her breasts. 

“Fine, yes. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls who’d kill to see you in a wet shirt Ellie.”

“Lucky you then.” she said, playfully nudging your shoulder.

You couldn’t help it as the corners of your mouth turned upwards, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“There’s that smile. Soooo… blunt now?”

“Yes. Blunt.”

December 31st, 11:30pm:

And just like that, you were halfway through the chestnut wand of herbs and deep in conversation.  

“So you really haven't seen But I’m a Cheerleader?” Ellie asked, blowing out a puff of smoke with the question and passing it on.

You took the blunt from between her fingers and let it rest between your own, “No. Should I have?” 

“Definitely dude, it’s like queer classic.”

“Oh yeah?” You cocked your head at the freckled faced girl. 

“Yeah. And now that I’m thinking about it, you’re honestly just like the main character.”

“How so?” you asked, taking another long draw. 

“She’s in denial about being gay for like the first 30 minutes of the movie.”

A string of coughs unleashed from your chest as you let out a hefty laugh mid-inhale, “Bitch-”

“What? I’m being so deadass!”

“Fine, what character are you then?” you pry, passing the lit blunt back over to Ellie.

Taking a hit she replies, “I guess I’d be graham.”

“And what does she do?”

“I’m kinda like your awakening in a sense. Graham is all gay and cool, and of course Megan—that's you—totally falls for her.” 

You retrieve the lit cannabis and roll your eyes, “I haven’t fallen for you yet Williams.”

“Yet.” she emphasizes, placing a soft finger to the tip of your nose tauntingly.

“Ha. Ha.” you monotonously mock, “Now here, I think it’s done.” You hand Ellie the roach and she promptly stubs it out into the concrete slab deck.

“Come on, let’s go inside. I’m fucking cold.” she pleas.

“Dude I’m scared. Like I am way too fucked up for this.”

“No, no– I promise you’re fine. I’ll protect you.” 

“Fineee.” you drag out.

December 31st, 11:50pm:

Things were seemingly fine as you and Ellie entered the muggy living area of the packed house once more. Your hesitancy was quite clear though and Ellie could sense you needed just a little reassurance. Your right hand, currently picking away at the hangnail on the thumb of your left, was quickly captured by Ellies own rough hand which led you back to your comfortable spot on the ascending stair set.

As you both took a seat your grip remained tight on the girl, afraid that if you let go you might jump up from your spot right then and there just to give Jax one more lesson. Just the sight of him through the slats of the stairs’ wooden railing—legs casually spread wide and eyes focused in on a casual game of Mortal Kombat—drove you fucking crazy. 

“Dude if you keep staring like that you might actually burn a hole through his dumb ass T-shirt.” Ellie said, nudging your tensed shoulder.

“Good it’s ugly anyways.”

“Fair point.”

“I just have this burning need to get back at him. I wanna beat his ass just like in that game he can’t take his eyes off.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “Very funny, but you wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Oh yeah?” you questioned before laying a soft punch to the girl's forearm. A string of dramatic “Ows” reverberated from her lips. “See, I’m a badass right?”

“Fine you’re a total badass” she agreed begrudgingly, rubbing the soft tissue of her arm where you had left your mark. 

“What? It hurt that bad? You need me to kiss it better?” you taunted. 

“Maybe I do.” she said, longing eyes staring into your own. 

You gulped down any hesitation and felt it drop straight to your nervous stomach, “Where does it hurt?”

Ellie pointed to her arm slowly, “here.”

You placed a soft peck.

Hot breath raising goosebumps to the surface of her skin, “and here”, she gestured to her outstretched neck

Another supple kiss.

“And um-” she continued, but was quickly cut off and brought back to reality with the bellowing sound of a countdown. Too caught up in the moment, you both had almost forgotten about the holiday currently taking place.

FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO…

“Can I kiss you?” she blurted frantically, and with no words you dove into her plump, chapped lips. Just like a puzzle piece your bottom lip slotted perfectly between her own. It was a gentle and delicate kiss at first, drinking in the euphoric moment. Quickly though, soft maneuvers of the mouth got quicker and harder. Spit was exchanged with passion and need, as your hands were becoming grabby at the girl's toned figure. The heat growing between your legs was an easy distraction from the fact that you were at a large party, in a hick town, with your ex-boyfriend now hovering over your more than friendly exchange.

January 1st, 12:01am:

“The fuck? You’re a dyke now?” he yells, practically loud enough for the whole party to hear. You and Ellie frantically pull apart, bumping heads in the process.

The calloused hands that were once caressing the small of your back are now balled into tight fists as Ellie rises from her seated position.

“The fuck did you just say?” she questions, tilting her head to the right.

You now stand up with her, worried where this might go, “Jax you need to walk away.”

“Oh shut up slut. You’re so fucking desperate you’d do it with anyone!” 

That one hurt. That was the tipping point. Tears welled in your eyes. 

“I’M NOT A FUCKING SLUT! I’M GAY AND NEVER LIKED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

“You need to leave now before I do something I’ll regret, you dirty bitch.” he threatens. And that's it, Ellie takes a swing aiming straight for his nose. Her fist retracts and reveals his bloody and now crooked cartilage. Through clenched teeth Jax grips onto Ellies white tank, throwing her into the open space of the living room. Just like a car crash, it’s one of those things where a scene can be so disturbing but you just can’t look away. And everyone else in the room was feeling it too—backed into corners, hands over mouths, some men even obnoxiously chanting “fight, fight.” But this isn’t what you wanted. Not at all.

“STOP! YOU NEED TO FUCKING STOP IT!” you screamed desperately. You didn’t even want to imagine what Jax would do to the freckled girl who changed your life in mere hours. But you didn’t have to, because here they were, brawling it out for the whole school. Jax swung at Ellie’s head to which she ducked before jabbing him in the stomach, stealing whatever air was swimming in his lungs. He stumbled backwards 3 steps, coughing through the hit, but this just made him angrier.

He charged back at the flustered girl with more force and gained a grip on a wad of choppy auburn hair. With a forceful yank she came tumbling to the ground with him on top. Ellie wriggled, pushed, and kicked but the sheer weight of the furious man was enough to keep her pinned. Jax began punching left and right, capturing her face with each blow. Thick crimson decorated his knuckles and the entirety of the girl's face. You could barely make out her litter of freckles and the half-lidded slits of emerald green—it was blood, all blood.

But as Jax kept on going, and the room grew quieter, this fight turned into something much more serious. It was inching on life or death and you had to do something. You surveyed the room, eyes dancing from counter to counter until a large glass beer bottle nagged at the tips of your fingers. Grabbing it tightly in your fist, you did what you had to to end this. Glass and gasps scattered through the room. The sharp brown shards littered the floor and evoked a gushing red stream from the back of Jax’s head. He instantly rolled to the side leaving Ellie an opening to escape. You weren’t done yet though, he hadn’t gotten what he deserved yet. Falling to the floor right at his body, hot tears streamed down your face.

Through curses and screams you thrashed at the man's barely conscious frame, “FUCK YOU JAX! FUCK YOU!” This was for every time he made you feel stupid, for making you feel like the ugliest girl in the room, for all the times he kissed you while you just prayed for it to be over, for making your life a living hell. With each scratch, punch, and kick all the pent up anger and resentment drained from your soul. Ellie let you have at him for a bit but as the crowd started to thin she knew the cops would be here any second now.

“Come on! We gotta go hun!” she nagged. 

“NO I CAN’T! NOT YET” you yelled, collapsing down into tears. Ellie promptly scooped you up by your armpits and dragged you from Jax’s limp body.

“I know baby, you're angry, it’s hard. But the cops are coming and we need to leave now.” she said, picking you up completely and carrying you through the frame of the propped open front door. You nestled your head into her bloody top as your chest still rapidly rose up and down, choking on the last few streams of tears and snot. “I’m gonna get you home love, don’t you worry.”

January 1st, 12:15am:

Finally through the small window of Ellie’s red truck you spot your familiar 2 story home. She grips the steering wheel, whipping to the right into the empty driveway. Of course she helps you inside and up to your quaint little bedroom. It felt weird almost—so quiet and still after such a chaotic night—and void of any life but you and the freckled faced girl. It was a cold feeling knowing you’d be all alone in just a few minutes, and tonight, you weren’t sure if that was a feeling you wanted to know.

“Els?”

“Yeah?” she answered softly. 

“Can you stay?”

With a kiss to the head she agreed, “Of course I’ll stay.” The rest of the night was spent cuddled up under your warm comforter, and despite all the events from just hours before, you felt safe. And for once, in fucking years, you were content.

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taglist...

@endureher @gold-dustwomxn @alexpritch @4rt3m1ss @robinismywifee @sophlovesbooks @97cityy

(taglist is for all callmelola111 works, if you'd like to be removed just kindly lmk)

[gatheringbones]

[“Coming out was very lonely. I had very few friends. Most of the adult lesbians I knew were alcoholics, chronically unemployed, prone to violence, self-hating, apolitical, closeted, cliquish. Lesbians hated each other. If you found a lover you stopped going to the bar because you could not trust other lesbians; they would try to break up your relationship. My first woman lover went into the military, where she turned in other lesbians so she would not be exposed. One of my dyke friends got a job as a supervisor in a cabinet-making company and refused to hire lesbians because, she said, they were unreliable employees who were disliked by the other workers. The only thing that seemed worse to me than the apolitical lesbian community I came out in was the strangulation of pretending to be straight. I came out only because I could not go back; there was no place for me to stand in the het world. I was driven out.

Moving to San Francisco improved things somewhat. There was more public lesbian space there—six bars instead of one. But it did not alleviate the loathing with which my family viewed me. Nor was San Francisco in the early seventies any sort of gay utopia. We had no gay-rights law, queer bashing was a frequent event, and everyone had lost at least one job or been denied a place to live. It was a relief to be surrounded by other lesbian feminists, but only to a point. Bar dykes and feminists still had contempt for one another. Feminism rapidly became a way to reconstitute sexual prudery, to the point that it seemed to me that bar dykes were actually more accepting of and knowledgeable about the range of behavior that constituted lesbianism. In the bars or in the women’s movement, separatism was pretty much mandatory, if you didn’t want to get your ass kicked or be shunned. Separatism deteriorated into a rationalization for witch hunts in the lesbian community rather than a way for women to bond with one another and become more powerful activists. The lesbian community of that decade did terrible things to bi women, transgender people, butch/femme lesbians, bar dykes, dykes who were not antiporn, bisexual and lesbian sex workers, fag hags, and dykes who were perceived as being perverts rather than über-feminists. We were so guilty about being queer that only a rigid adherence to a puritanical party line could redeem us from the hateful stereotypes of mental illness and sexual debauchery.

What did I gain? I came a little closer to making my insides match my outsides, and that was no small blessing. The first time I met other dykes I recognized a part of myself in them, and knew I would have to let it out so I could see who I was. For a time, being a lesbian quieted my gender dysphoria because it made it possible for me to be a different kind of woman. That was an enormous relief.

For a long time, I hoped that by being strong, sexually adventurous, and sharpening my feminist consciousness, I could achieve a better fit between my body and the rest of me. Lesbianism was a platform from which I could develop a different sort of feminism, one that included a demand for sexual freedom and had room for women of all different erotic proclivities. I had a little good sex and discovered that I was not a cold person, I could love other people. It was as a lesbian that I began to find my voice as a writer, because in the early days of the women’s movement, we valued every woman’s experience. There was a powerful ethic around making it possible for every woman to speak out, to testify, to have her say. But there were always these other big pieces of my internal reality that lesbianism left no room for.

The first big piece of cognitive dissonance I had to deal with, in my second coming out, was S/M. I date my coming out as a leather dyke from two different decisions. One was a decision to write down one of my sexual fantasies, the short story that eventually became “Jessie.” At the time I wrote the rough draft of that story, I had never tied anybody up or done anything else kinky. I was terribly blocked as a writer. I kept beginning stories and poems that I would destroy. I have no idea if they were any good or not. My self-loathing was so intense, my inner critic so strong, that I could not evaluate my own work.

So I decided to write this one piece, under the condition that I never had to publish it or show it to another person. I just wanted to tell the truth about one thing. And I was badly in need of connecting with my own sexuality since I was in the middle of what would be a five-year relationship with a woman who insisted we be monogamous, but refused to have sex with me. So I wrote about dominance and submission, the things I fantasized about when I masturbated that upset me so much I became nauseated. Lightning did not strike. As I read and reread my own words, I thought some of them were beautiful. I dared show this story to a few other people. Some of them hated it. Some of them were titillated. Nobody had ever seen anything like it before. The story began to circulate in Xerox form, lesbian samizdat. I found the strength to defend my story when I was told it was unspeakable or wildly improbable.

In October of 1976, I attended a lesbian health conference in Los Angeles and went to a workshop there about S/M. In order to go to a workshop, you had to sign a registration sheet. I was harassed by dykes who were monitoring this space to see who dared sign up for that filthy workshop. On my way, I had to walk through a gauntlet of women who were booing and hissing, calling names, demanding that the workshop be canceled, threatening to storm the room and kick us all out of the conference. The body language and self-calming techniques I had learned when I had to deal with antigay harassment on the street came in very handy, but how odd it was to be using those defenses against the antagonism of other dykes. Their hatred felt like my mother’s hatred. I am so glad I did not let it stop me.

When I got home from that workshop, I knew that I was not the only one. Not only were there other lesbians who fantasized about sadomasochism, there were women who had done these things with each other. I decided to come out again. If there were other leather dykes in San Francisco, they had to be able to find me, so I had to make myself visible. This meant that I often did not get service at lesbian bars, or I was asked to leave women-only clubs and restaurants. I was called names, threatened, spit at. I got hate mail and crank calls. But I also found my tribe. And because I had already experienced my first coming out, I knew we were not going to be an ideal, happy family. I could be more patient with our dysfunctions, and see them as the result of being scared, marginalized, kicked around. Being a leather dyke took me another step closer to dealing with my gender issues. I could experiment with extreme femme and extreme butch drag; take on a male persona during sex play. I gave up separatism because I needed to take support from any place where it was available. Gay men already had a thriving leather culture, and I wanted to learn from them. I also wanted to have sex with them. It still wasn’t okay as far as lesbian feminism was concerned to be bisexual, to be transgendered, but I could bring those folks into my life and make alliances with them. I could defend them in print. There was even more good sex, and people who loved me and received my love despite the fact that it was dangerous for us to show ourselves to one another. I faced my sexual shadow, and she bowed to me and then danced beautifully in profile against the white walls of my consciousness. My writer’s voice was unlocked.”]

pat califa, from layers of the onion, spokes of the wheel, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000

[kittycathat]

LGBTQIABCDEFJ is not real just stop. It's made up acronym that is rarely used outside of tumblr. Queer is not an identity its just an adjective. most intersex people explicitly state they do not consider themselves lgbt. Most lgbt people do not want to associate with aro and aces. And most lgbt in the real world living normal lives and not chronically online have little to no contact or knowledge of asexuals we literally dont care. Ur existence is so insignificant offline and if we ever met a self proclaimed aroace het cis man we would probably make sure we never had to associate with him again. Ur not gay just give it up and go live a normal life. Ur a single cis person. U either dont have the emotional capacity to love someone or u are sex repulsed and dont want to have a relationship with someone either way thats just normal and there are plenty of people like that we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life just leave actual struggling gay people alone and shutup about ur stupid discourse no one cares except urselves.

That is true, the acronym is actually LGBTQIA (with variations,) not LGBTQIABCDEFJ. /sarc

but anyways hi anon! Theres a lot to unpack here

about "lgbtqia is rarely used outside of tumblr": that's the problem, bc we want it to be

about "its not an identity just an adjective": not quite sure what you're on, bc it literally is

about intersex people: this goes against what you just said, and supports that "queer" is an identity even more?? because these intersex people are choosing whether they identify as queer or not

about lgbtqia people not wanting to associate aro or ace people: bro if these are people you actually know irl, please find new friends. Find friends who actually support normal who are living their lives, just without romantic and/or sexual attraction.

about me being chronically online: anon.... i dont think you can talk after you typed out this whole thing as an attempt to make me feel bad... but ok. (also not very related but anonymous hate is a very very pathetic thing to do)

about asexuality being not well known: Also not sure what rock you live under but asexuality is pretty well known??? like the average person (at least where i live) will most likely know what it is.

about cishet aroace men: .. ok but why would i not want to associate with him? plus everyone lgbtqia is "self proclaimed" so idk bro

about not having "emotional capacity": bro what the hell do you want me to do,, i've literally never felt romantic attraction in my life

about "there are plenty of people like that": People might not want to be in romantic relationships for a number of reasons, but if it's because they don't feel romantic attraction... then they're aro-spec. Thank you for supporting the aro community by saying it's normal <333

about "we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life": bro its the internet if you don't like what i'm talking about just SCROLL

about leaving "actual struggling gay people" alone: .. when did i do anything against gay people? Plus if you're trying to stop hate... why did you anonymously send a literal hate essay to me

about "ur not gay just live a normal life": omg you got something right!! i'm actually not gay!! (so proud of you <3) Also i do live a normal life, i am so basic you can't even imagine

about no one caring: well you see.. thats the problem. that's part of why i post about aromanticism, because i want people to be actually supportive

anyways! tysm for reading all that. please be civil in comments, and be kind to everyone guys <3

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India! Because I unfortunately belong to the overthinkers club, I´ve been recently thinking about that "famously sexy" quote especially after H´s extra sexy outfit yesterday. And I would like to share some of my opinions about this theme which maybe goes hand in hand with H´s sexuality.

As we can see how Louis is becoming more and more confident and open every show - his tanktops, his smile after barricade ripped tank top and how he came back half naked looking beyond happy, his interaction with fans, dancing and just feeling himself - I have no doubt that H is very the same. When I think back to that Better homes and gardens´ interview he said something like how he struggled with himself and felt that his sex life was the only thing that was truly his and he felt ashamed of that. The Harry we can see on stage these months is - as I personally see it - very open person who no longer struggle to be truly himself, being proud and comfortable of his sexuality (no matter how he identifies) and he loves his body. Of course, there´s a factor of being on stage and put up a great show but I don´t think he´ll be able to do it as he does if he won´t be confident and won´t feel it. Yes, there are all those marketing strategies how he´s sold as a sex symbol mostly for female audience and I see this very similar to how Ricky Martin has been sold during 00´s - he has very sexy videos where he´s making out with woman, his body was (and still is) very ripped and mostly half naked. Back then even my child self (I was about 10 years old) saw him as a total sex god. And now he´s openly gay, still doing very sexy photoshoots....because he´s proud and he´s feeling himself. But I see something different with Harry being more open and giving hints of his queerness - something Ricky Marting wasn´t probably able to do back then - his total sexy gay outfits (yesterday he looked like he´s literally came on stage from gay bar), his banana dick, penis jokes and gay innuendos are just a few which came to my mind now. And there´s his role for MP and those sex scenes which he was able and comfortable to shoot which also speaks volume. Writing this, his stunts with women and interaction to some het signs are just to get away with everything queer he does. And the last question to think about - for whom is he famously sexy? He´s sold as a sex symbol for female audience mostly but....but does it mean that gay men don´t see him as a sex symbol too? What if his actual target are gays and never women (but heteronormativity makes us feel like it´s primary for women) - we will never know because he will never tell and that´s probably good because he´ll loose most if he just come out. Sorry for longer message, hope it´s understandable what I´m trying to say - not everything we think he´s sold as and primary for whom might be true and his inner target can be totally different.

I think, to stay mentally healthy, Harry has very much learned to compartmentalize between his personal and professional life.

I tend to think the fandom struggles with this compartmentalization because it feels so drastically different from what he seemed to want when he was younger and how much he visibly pushed against that overly sexualized image (which he still does, btw, because enjoying being sexy and inviting sexualization will always be two different things).

But yeah, I think the fandom doesn’t know how to reconcile his personal acceptance of his status as a sex symbol with the way he used to push back so fiercely against it. But really, I think it’s just a conscious, strategic adult decision.

This is not to say I agree with forcibly closeting anyone, or using closeting/stunting as currency to win back inalienable rights and personal freedoms. I absolutely do not and I wish the world was not this way at all.

But I’m also aware that we live in this reality, where the entertainment industry will continue to commodify people because there’s nothing that stops them, which means playing into that role allows him other freedoms, because anyone with any kind of professional career understands that making yourself “worth the trouble” and irreplaceable, especially in such a finicky industry, is what’s going to allow for both creative control and longevity in your career.

At the end of the day, I think it all boils down to cost. We like to think of stunts in a vacuum - either they exist or they don’t, and everything else stays the same - but the truth is, that’s not the way it works. Rather, it’s a lot more likely that stunts are a constant part of being That Kind of celebrity, particularly because of Harry’s profile, how he shot to fame, and how he has always been marketed, and what he has managed to do is gain enough leverage and popularity to exchange participation for something/multiple things: creative freedom, personal expression, rainbow flags every night, sparkly bi music… the list goes on.

And, as easy as it is to say it’s black-and-white not worth it… do we really mean that? If we had a printed receipt that said the cost of being allowed to fly a rainbow flag every night and play a starring role in a queer film and write songs like She and Find Line and Little Freak and helping fans come out and saying “we’re all a little bit gay” was one (1) stunt every year, would we, as a fandom, be willing to make the trade? Would we be willing to go back to the way it was in the 1D days, where everything he did and said was so tightly monitored that a glimpse of anything rainbow would send us into cardiac arrest and growing his hair was the biggest act of authenticity and rebellion he could manage?

And more than that, do we even have the right to have weigh in on something we know nothing about the complexities of, and that neither affect our life/our career/our future/the way we’re allowed to move about the world as a person/artist?

[sneepseverus]

My Headcanons About Snape’s Sexuality

Warning: discussions about sex under the cut

The cool thing about Snape is that you can headcanon him to be of any sexual and romantic orientation. Even his love for Lily can be seen as platonic (which I do). I imagine Snape as bi and demisexual with little experience, but I also accept that other people may see him entirely differently, whether that's straight, gay, ace/aro, a total slut. It all works!

It’s hard to say why I think he’s bi. I know some people headcanon him as such because they are bi themselves or they like to imagine characters as bi/pan unless explicitly stated otherwise.

I think he has a preference for women simply because most (if not all) of the men in his life have, for the lack of a better term, sucked in one way or another. I can see him being part of the “I like men but hate them all” group if he lived in our times LOL.

If he did fall for a man, it would be an interesting experience for him, partially because he’s probably only ever learned about the dynamics of het relationships. I don’t think relationships come easy to him, so having to figure things out on his own would be stressful to say the least. With that said, at some point I don’t think he’d bother too much with labels like dom/sub, top/bottom, etc. In my mind, he’s a verse and switch, but again, I don’t know if he’d specifically label himself that way. With the right person, he can show all these different sides to him that he never knew he had.

Of course, being under the asexual umbrella doesn't inherently mean that one has a low libido, but I think Snape specifically does, at least before he finds someone to whom he's sexually attracted. In such case, his mind becomes occupied with sexual thoughts. At first, he doesn’t understand this new feeling and thinks something must be wrong with him. It starts to make more sense when he has vivid dreams of having sex with that person.

He doesn't give himself enough credit, though. He assumes that his lack of experience must mean he knows absolutely nothing about sex and that his first time will be terrible. He reads books about sex to learn about different positions, types of sex, the best way to make someone orgasm, etc.

After the first few times, he realizes that sex doesn't have to be a clear set of steps to follow; he learns to trust his intuition and begins to view it as a way to connect with his partner not only physically but also emotionally.

I believe he prefers to give than receive because he doesn’t like having the spotlight on him and he’s incredibly insecure about his body. He's also afraid of coming too quickly and embarrassing himself, making his lack of experience more obvious.

When he starts to become more comfortable receiving and having intercourse, he hides his face and covers his mouth (but little does he know that his expressions and moans are oh so sexy). You have to be patient, but he eventually becomes more comfortable being vulnerable and intimate.

When he’s in his dom mood, I imagine he's more of a service dom, concentrating on his partner's pleasure. However, he has his moments when he's rough and shoves, pushes, and holds his partner down while doing whatever he wants to them. One of his kinks is edging them for hours, making them beg and plead. He also heavily enjoys being called "sir," which brings out his cocky side (we love to see the "snirk" on his face.)

He can be completely submissive, though. He loves it when his partner demands things from him and grips his hair to control his movements. What he comes to learn, however, is that he has a huge praise kink. If you only have time for a quickie, all you have to do is be gentle and call him your good boy. Be careful, though; he will cry the first time you say that (possibly even every time.)

I tried to organize my thoughts the best I could, but I still feel like this is all over the place. I have many more thoughts, but I'm going to leave this here. I would love to hear yours, as well!

[johannestevans]

so important for the twink who's been lusting over his middle-aged oblivious het work colleague to finally just break and he like Hey real quick can I suck your cock

and colleague, who's never received a BJ or tbh a compliment before, including from his ex wife, to be like. huh?

like I'm just thinking and average looking guy who's a little too into his work and isn't great at charming people, he's blunt and a little bland

doesn't feel great about his appearance bc he's not too tall and he's stocky and pudgy and he's not got the big chiseled jaw

meanwhile this twink is. fucking salivating at the DILF supreme with his big strong hands and his weighted body and his hairy chest and his thick thighs and the way his eyes crinkle at the edges when he smiles

and the colleague is like but??? aren't you very gorgeous? by gay guy standards? can't you, um. do better? bc even women aren't particularly attracted to me, at least, they've never said

and the twink is like. ok well they're insane, open your jeans

idk im thinking about the particular het culture where autistic guys especially get overlooked dating wise anyway, but also some cishet women just never compliment their partners' appearances even just to say "looking handsome!" bc they think feeling attractive is for women only

and then you have. twink.

who's just a little drunk and/or stoned and horny and is just like Please, based on the rest of the package here, I'm assuming your dick is great

and the guy is like there is??? no package available

and twink like???? you have nice hair, your eyes are gorgeous and you have that cute crinkle and the dimples, you have strong shoulders and I've watched you lift stuff, you could definitely lift ME, and you're hairy which is HOT and you've got great legs

is your lap comfy

and colleague blustering and red faced but it doesn't occur to him to refuse when the twink gestures to his lap, and he's WARM and his hands are sliding down his neck and his thumbs are on his jaw, and colleague isn't attracted to guys but… this is NICE

esp twink kissing him and colleague trying to kiss back and twink being like EW stop that stop that right now what the fuck.

and colleague like oh I'm so sorry fuck i--

and twink all, kiss like i show you, don't be so liberal with the tongue

and they're kissing and it… it actually feels NICE? it feels good? especially bc the twink is grinding down in his lap and colleague is like 😳😳😳 bc he's hard and also he's 44 and just got Educated in Kissing Properly which he didn't know you could even do wrong

twink getting to his knees and colleague trying to be like oh no no you don't have to--

and twink like, i absolutely have to do this and might die if i don't. are you okay with killing me

and colleague like. I'm. I'm pretty sure you won't die from not sucking me off

and the twink like, alan, you didn't even know which month was pride month, so why would you be that confident about me sucking dick and whether i would die or not

and colleague just

twink on his knees and colleague who's never considered himself much of a stud and sometimes has a hard time getting off absolutely losing his mind

because the twink is doing things with his mouth and tongue and HANDS he's never imagined

and he's tugging at his balls and twisting his grip a bit on the base of his cock and dragging his tongue against this one really sensitive spot on the side of his cock head and just

liquefying his brains

esp if they finish and the twink is like that was great

and goes home

and colleague is just like. that was mind blowing but am i a bad person if I'm not gay but I want to do that again? shouldn't i blow him back? to be polite???

and being so nervous and shy about wanting to invite the twink for more casual sex, but every time the twink suggests it he's like YES YES ABSOLUTELY and then is anxious he's too eager and that it's disrespectful or unkind

MEANWHILE the twink keeps saying he's such a daddy and that he's cute and hot and handsome and that's amazing but also the sex is so… affirming and NICE

the first time sex hasn't been stressful for felt like a chore

and the twink won't let him suck him off bc he's like. no babe I know you want to reciprocate but this is an acquired taste and in my expert opinion it's not for you

so he tries to fuck the twink as vigorously as possible when they try anal

and the. the benefit of his ED is that his stamina means fucking harder for. longer

than the twink expected

and the twink just fucking dizzy and mindless with cock after like oh my god????? you ruined me? do it agajn!?

I'm just obsessed with the dynamic of the twink who's. a lot more confident and experienced, but also very much at home with casual sex between friends

whereas the colleague is having a moderate identity crisis

because he's still not gay! he's pretty sure he's not attracted to men, including this one! but the sex is really good? does that make him a bad person, shouldn't he let the twink KNOW?

and he does and the twink is like… yeah? duh? would you like to try prostate stimulation

you don't have to but i think you'd like it

and colleague is all like, you… fuck me?

and the twink falling over laughing like, ME? top? top YOU? oh no we're great friends but I'm too lazy. no i meant I'd finger you while sucking you off

and the colleague just lying there after, dazed and starry-eyed, like. maybe we should get married

and the twink just like. Alan how has your ex wife not taught you to be more discerning about proposals? also i am NOT the marrying kind

anyway i think it would be good if the twink started introducing him to hot chicks he knows, that will top as well as bottom and that also just? Will make a man feel good?

esp if Alan is just embarrassingly smitten and goes OTT on flowers and gifts and she's like 😳

and i think the ideal for this is the colleague kind of clearing his throat at his wedding like. uh. i invited. i invited a guy. for you. he's just come out and he's like 45 and he's--

the twink is like, alan, please, say no more. point him and the coat closet out in that order

the twink, drunk, after, sitting in the lap of his new conquest: this is dave he's the sacrifice Alan made at the altar of my bussy in exchange for my services

Alan: this is a very unorthodox wedding toast

twink: HAPPINESS TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM

[f1ghtsoftly]

While being gender critical is a foundational part of who I am, I really resent how much of my intellectual and creative identity it’s constrained. I’m more than my belief biological sex is politically relevant, but I’m also not willing to concede or empathize with people who believe butch lesbians are secretly men and that if I work hard enough I can enjoy male bodies. I find both sets of beliefs a real insult to the humanity of lesbians and I consider the people that hold them to be, on some level, a threat to me.

And it’s scary how briefly gay rights was mainstream and how quickly everyone folded right back into homophobia. Disturbing how much they insist they didn’t.

It’s a reality that honestly alienates you from almost everyone. I can tell a lot of lesbians feel the same way, but they’re worried about the consequences of breaking with LGBTQ+ or feel ostracized because a lot of mainstream GC feminists really don’t represent our experiences or point of view. But even amongst the small population of lesbians in the west experiencing this change to the power structure, we’re isolated from each other by how we choose to respond to it. Deep down, the observations and experiences between me, a lesbian FTM and a queer friendly, but cis, lesbian couple probably look the same. That being said the latter two have chosen a compromise with power that allows them to assimilate easier into het society, usually at the expense of real authenticity. And I lose too when I stake everything on not compromising my sexuality, I lose potential friendships, professional opportunities, a sense of ease. I’ve used a lot of survival strategies at various points in my life. Each has benefits and drawbacks and living “authentically” is as much a lie as pretending you’re a man or completely shutting up and saying whatever the social powers that be want you to say. Nobody believes or listens to me anyhow. And it’s lonely.

And I just can’t accept it. I can’t accept that this is my lot in life. I can’t accept that the general public would hate gays and lesbians if they understood us. I can’t accept that I’ll be misunderstood forever. I’m not traumatized or hateful or misinformed. Im much more informed than many of the leading voices or radical young people dominating these conversations and I can see in the faces and behavior of my peers, the way they justify this identity or perspective-that I’m much less alone than I think I am. But at the same time, seeing it isn’t experiencing it and everybody is still too afraid and too tired.

I just don’t know how to make us brave. To speak with each other honestly and privately. To find community in each other again, without what feels like the whole world peering in.

[daisiesonafield-blog]

Hi Daisie, sorry if this is hard to understand as English isn't my first language. This is just theorizing and I'm not saying it will happen. If Harry ever decided he wanted to stop having beards and doing the stunts and to just live his life as a gay man but without making an announcement about it, like a glass closet basically... and I know some say he is in one but I disagree because he still has beards. If he wanted that for himself... to be 'out' but without announcing it, whether that is being seen in public with Louis or with another man if they're not together anymore, possibly referring to a boyfriend in interviews or music, or even just being publicly single and keeping his private life private but wanting people to know he is part of the lgbtq+ community.... how would any of that be possible when fans, tabloids, gossip pages like deuxmoi are constantly making up lies about him? Sorry if that's confusing. A glass closet basically. But that seems impossible for him because if he is publicly single then the tabloids and deuxmoi constantly make up lies about him hooking up with every single woman, even if he's never seen with them. Is it possible for any change now?

Hi dear,

Regarding your question about whether it would be possible for Harry to live as a gay man without making a public announcement, it is technically possible. He is already sort of doing that. We've seen him express his queerness more and more over the years. And he's said he wants to keep his private life private and that he has shared his sexual orientation and relationship status with his close friends and family. He's also said he doesn't feel the need to share that publicly at this time. And that's what he's comfortable and happy with right now.

As for the gossip and rumors, that just comes with being a celebrity. It will never stop because it is a caveat of being in the public eye. But also, the rumors ultimately don't matter. They may be annoying, but Harry himself has said he's chosen to ignore those types of things so that they don't impact him or his mental health negatively.

All he can control is himself, not the stuff that happens around him, and from what he's said over the years I think he's made peace with that aspect of fame. So if he gets papped laughing with someone and the gossip circle spreads the rumor that the person is his newest girlfriend, then so be it. He knows who the person is, and the tabloids ultimately don't matter to his every day life and his true self.

But in regards to him mentioning a boyfriend or being seen with a boyfriend in a manner that makes it clear they're dating - that in and of itself would be him coming out, even without a statement, and the media would go absolutely nuts regardless of him speaking on it or not. Again, that's the nature of being a celebrity, and specifically Harry Styles. The biggest aspects of his image are his dating life and sexuality speculations, so there is no way to keep something as monumental as that quiet. It would turn into a huge media news cycle, everywhere. With the general public and in all levels of fandom.

So really, there's a fine line between his queer expression right now and a more outwardly expression of it like you described. Right now his actions can still be straight-washed. Hets can still ignore the gay pride, gay sex innuendo and queerness. But even then, it's becoming harder to. Now there's 2 sides to it: one in which his gay pride gets erased, and one in which he's condemned for the gay agenda he's spreading with his rainbows. It's an amazing exercise in willful ignorance.

Of course, him being a queer man has been slowly more accepted tho. Even 2-3 years ago we would get laughed at for thinking he's queer. Or before that, called homophobic names for suggesting THE Harry Styles would *ever* touch a pride flag. So things have changed. The conversation regarding Harry has become more open to his queer expression, even in the gp. So that is progress. Even if the tabloids continue to run with made up hookup stories.

In terms of beards, I don't think he'll be able to entirely stop that unless he's getting ready to make a public statement about his personal life. But, in my opinion, it doesn't sound like it's something he wants right now. It's obvious he enjoys his privacy, and wants parts of his life to remain private. And that includes his sexuality and his partner. This is what's safest and best for him at the moment. For *many* reasons.

We can't forget the current world we are living in. While it may seem accepting of the queer community compared to 5, 10, 20 years ago, we are seeing our rights stripped away every day. No joke, every day. Rights that we fought years to have. Just taken. In 2023. Homophobia and transphobia are being normalized again. Homophobic and transphobic legislations being accepted in all levels of government. In the US, gay marriage is at risk, just 8 years after it was legalized in all states. And while the entertainment industry may look like they celebrate the LGBTQ+ community, it is still a cruelly homophobic institution that will crush a queer person, even if they are at the top right now.

This post is highly relevant.

Ok, this turned out to be super rambly. Hopefully I addressed what you were thinking about.

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/730443258208124929/from-responses-to-4292-it-is-for-everyone-that?source=share technically no unless they identify with any label that isnt just cis/het people on the ace spectrum are apart of the lgbt community. that description of the stereotypical straight relation ship of people who dont agree with lgbt community was just to remind people of the kind of people that have actually caused harm to the lgbt community in the past. if people want that lifestyle that's okay ofc do what you want its your life but historically these are the majority and its these people that have tried to demonize being gay or in anyway different speaking of im going to take this chance to say this to that one person who got offended by me calling lgbt people "deviant" "weird" or "queer" (i can no longer see exactly what you said bcuz i blocked you) its because we are. and me saying that isn't me saying its a bad thing. but there are those that believe that. to a cis/het person who doesn't agree with lgbt, ace people are still considered to be "weird", "deviant", and "queer". Anyway no the people you described are not inherently apart of the lgbt community. this argument is about the fact that some people think if you are not in some way in a homosexual relationship that you aren't actually apart of the lgbt community. like saying "bi or pan people aren't gay enough if they have a opposite sex partner, unless of of them is trans" However the ace spectrum deals more with HOW you are attracted to someone. you can experience no sexual attraction at all (some ace people still have sex for their partners or just because they can but feeling disgust towards sex is also common) aromantic people are much the same but with romance instead then there's Demi which are people who tend to only feel sexual or romantic or both attraction if they have a strong emotional attachment to someone. and there are more but those are the most common three gay people can feel this too. nonbinary couples also so why would there be an exception for straight people???? there's a lot more to the lgbt community than just gays and trans being straight or cis doesn't automatically disqualify you from being queer however however we still shouldn't shit on ALLIES or the concept of being straight or cis in general that description i gave was, again, just a reminder of who actually has caused problems for lgbt from the beginning. in America those are the kinds of people who've harmed us as have worked to make us seem less than human. the people who have tried to put themselves on a pedestal of perfection and normalcy and that being anything but is unnatural and a sin. that's why i say the lgbt community is for everyone but that. 1/2

 2/2 and allies are welcome here. it may not be the right community they need like say a pro kink community for those interested in evolving their sex life but the less we try and push these people away the better because in a way as long as they support us too and are working to tear down that "pedestal of perfection" conservatives have built then in a way they are and always been apart of the community. a community of people who have all felt the effects of being considered "not normal", "sinful", "disgusting". and much worse this is also why kink is at pride parades. they are people who have been considered much of what lgbt people have. and have always helped to fight for our rights. personally i cant wait for a day that lgbt includes cis/ het even without other labels or identities. because they are still both a sexuality and a gender identification. and as lgbt becomes more popular and widely accepted we are seeing more and more a sort of discrimination against cis/het people from members of the lgbt community. very largely seen with bi or pan people. and this heterophobia is not healthy and is often instigated by people who want to remain "different" and want something to bully and make themselves seen better, which is becoming easier to do since your more likely to get backlash for being straight and hating on gays for being gay. so in short, being apart of the lgbt community is more about connecting with people who've had similar experiences as you for your identity being """not normal""" while also fighting for ALL identities to be considered normal. and this includes cis/het people with "micro identifications" like the ace spectrum. (and personally i hope for the eventual dissolvement of the lgbt community entirely and we can all just exist) i am notorious for being bad at explanations so i can only hope this clears things up

This is a response to this ask.

[scumsleeperagent]

💊⚫️blackpill take of the day🏴‍☠️

As a lesbian who doesn’t believe OSA women will ever take the political action needed to fully liberate us all, the best thing to do is to support feminist aims that focus on legal rights and material safety, because all that lesbians need to minimally exist happily is basic freedom from the obligation to be partnered with men in order to sustain oneself financially and socially.

Lesbians are a huge chunk of women who will demand more than the most minimal of rights, and that’s why we’re very unlikely to get more (small numbers). But luckily, what we need to survive is actually what liberal women want in the first place and demonstrably are actually willing to fight for.

Feminist priorities that lesbians should care a lot about are:

Ensuring that love-marriages are the standard in your culture, which necessarily means that single women will exist and be minimally tolerated (no lesbian will willingly marry a man, late bloomer bisexual women who married men voluntarily aren’t the same as us 💀)

Ensuring that careers that pay a living wage, ideally all or most careers, are open to women without the requirement that she be married.

Access to financial services and other bureaucracy of life for single women

Equal pay for women (don’t get your hopes up 💀)

Countering homophobia. Like enough that being gay isn’t a reason to be beat up, but not enough that lesbiansexuality is actually seen as equal to heterosexuality, because that’s a fantasy that won’t happen 💀.

Abortion, because rape is endemic to most human cultures.💀

Rape shelters and prosecutions of rapists

Same-sex marriage, duh (and no-fault divorce because it’s convenient)

Pornography, because it inspires male sexual violence

Issues with divorce and child custody, if there are still some women in the culture who are being forced into marriages/raped in those marriages. But honestly not important to most lesbians unless they are worrying about a partner who is bisexual or exceptionally traumatized, so like much less important tbh (i said this was blackpilled!!☠️☠️☠️)

Other than fighting pornography, most liberal feminists agree with all of these priorities and lesbians should support/participate with them despite the fact that their reforms will not free all women, because OSA women do not want to fully free themselves. Lesbians should pursue these rights and not worry about broader cultural issues that are missing, because they mostly affect OSA women anyway.

Feminist issues that lesbians should work on within themselves, while giving up on any idea that the wider culture can/will improve significantly: 

Rejecting beauty standards / gender roles / female self-objectification and not shrinking/making themselves boring 🌟

Building actively positive attitudes towards homosexuality (duh)✨

Combatting denigration/devaluation of women relative to men overall 💫

It is completely useless to pay any attention to things like getting men to treat women better in romantic/sexual relationships (lame!) which is all het radical feminists dream about anyway. 

It’s also useless for lesbians to worry about issues like theoretical murky compulsory heterosexuality (as opposed to literal compulsory heterosexuality in cultures that don’t have love marriages), “cotton ceiling”, etc. that only political lesbians need to worry about because real lesbians will be lesbians if they have the minimal material freedom needed to do so. 

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

have you ever had to cut ties with friends, especially bi female friends, over homophobia? i lost my entire friend group and community recently because of this. it was just online, but i don't have friends in person right now. i don't feel depressed about it anymore, i just wonder if other lesbians have had the same experience. you're right that us gold stars need to speak up and be visible. i'm working on making lesbian centric art and stories while i have time to myself now.

Hi anon!

Yes I have and I think a lot of lesbians can relate. We first become friends with bi women because we think they are like us because we are all attracted to women, but a lot of bi women are lesbophobic and treat ssa as some crazy phase that you're supposed to grow out of. Obviously that's going to destroy some friendships. In my case, I've been friends/acquaintances with over a dozen bi women and I stopped talking to almost all of them. A few examples:

High-school friend who had a crush on me and said her love for me gave her an eating disorder (as a way to guilt-trip me into dating her), started dating a guy one month after I rejected her and bragged to me about watching lesbian porn with him

Two other high-school friends turned extremely lesbophobic and bullied me

Another hs friend married a man very young, became some sort of catholic fundamentalist and ranted against same-sex marriage on social media

College friend who harassed me for months to get me to have sex with her to "experiment", only for her to stop talking to me and publicly call me a dyke when I told her I could be ok with kissing her (it would have been my first real kiss and she knew it...)

Long-time internet friend I met IRL, she flirted with me while she had a boyfriend (I wasn't interested in her) and wrote a story about a self-proclaimed "dyke" having a lot of orgasms with a random dude on a one-night-stand (while she has a girlfriend who's fine with it) but still claiming to hate it because she finds men annoying and clingy

(Also special mention to a het friend who used me as her "I can't be homophobic I have a gay friend" excuse while she ranted against same-sex marriage online, my last message to her on social media was to publicly tell her she was homophobic and I was embarrassed to be her friend ✌️)

All of that to say that I can definitely relate haha That's cool that you're starting to reach out to gold stars here though, that way you can make new online friends and forget about those idiots :D

Anyway, I can't wait to see and read what you'll make! Some time ago I created a discord server for gold stars who want to share their art/writing/etc and possibly create things together, it's dormant right now so I hope to find some active members 💪

[butmakeitgayblog]

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I do kind of understand what Harry Styles was saying about gay sex scenes because sex scenes with men are always so ROUGH 😭 With het and MLM scenes I typically have trouble believing that they actually have any feelings for each other beyond Horny because the whole time I’m just like damn dude are you even trying to make it good for them cause it’s not all about you!!!

And then like you said we get a hard cut to two girls doing nothing more than laying in bed holding the covers over their titties and I feel infinitely more chemistry and love between them than basically any sex scene with a man 😂 Have men in the industry not got the memo that sex doesn’t always have to be getting railed until you can’t walk but rather there are many ways to have sex and it can in fact often be a loving and dare I say cute experience??? If there’s gonna be a sex scene I want it to show something about the characters and their relationship, how they treat and care for each other (or not 😬) not… whatever tf the scene in TLFOAH was. Wasn’t sexy, didn’t contribute anything, super out of place… ugh

Well, respectfully idk about all that. I mean I think there have been sex scenes involving men that are perfectly lovely and loving in their depiction, it's just unfortunate that those don't tend to be the stories Hollywood dork ass loser execs want to portray 😒 they all want rough sex and violence and exploitation

And really I don't even necessarily blame the actors. I mean yes it's their performance, but I assume they're mostly being directed on how to shoot these scenes. I believe most, if not all, sex scenes these days have choreographers that break every movement and touch down beat by beat to try and do away with any variables that could mess up a shot or give opportunities to less savory actors trying to pull shit in scenes that make stuff weird.

And that's where my bitching and complaining comes in! Lol because now they have no excuse. There's no excuse for the bullshit that gets peddled and is so obviously made salacious on purpose rather than loving.

Like this scene for example.

It could have actually been worth a damn. A sex scene could have worked here, if they had not been thinking "hmmm ho how can we make this as sexy as possible so whoever's boyfriend that's being made to watch this with will get their dick hard", and actually used it as a vehicle for the plot and for character development. I would've been completely for it. If they had slowed down and taken a few beats to show him being sweet with her, show him lovingly kissing her, maybe a few smiles or intense looks while they slowly undressed each other, moments where he stops just to look into her eyes and build that connection. Have the rhythm of the sex be slow and sweet, as though he's giving her tenderness and caring that she hadn't had before - that she's so obviously been searching for in all her pain and trauma and abandonment. That would've been amazing! BECAUSE THEN! You jump forward to the beach scene only a few moments later, and you see that veneer crack. You see the beginnings of his ugliness and his abuse start to emerge.

How much more impactful would that have been?

That stark contrast. That immediate shift that would've felt like the rug was yanked right out from under the viewer and Alice both.

To move between these scenes of seeing her falling into him, thinking '*sigh* Finally. Finally, here's someone who cares about me. Here's someone who will be soft with me. Here's someone who will protect me, help me heal, give me the love that's been stolen from me over and over again in my life. Here's my safety.'

And then... you see him change.

That would've totally been so effective and speak to the characters and the blossoming of their relationship, and how someone can be so blinded by emotions that they don't see the danger signs right in front of them. It would've built such a more solid foundation for why Alice would make excuses and exceptions for him and his behavior, because we'd know that she'd already have this love story written in her head fROM THE SEX SCENE

But no.

Nope.

Uh uh.

Gratuitous boinking always wins and I just

[mazhazalotofthoughts]

After all the shit that’s happened on twitter I decided to make this post. People would rather believe that their idol does stereotypically queer things so they can profit off their queer fans. Like? That’s a horrible thing to do. Queerness is not something you can shrug on and off for the sake of profits and popularity amongst a ceratin group. If we are going with the theory that Louis is straight I, a queer person would be highly irked by his behaviour. First off, Only The Brave is about queer love. Louis didn’t write it, so if Louis sat down, read the lyrics and said “I’m straight and can’t relate to any of these lyrics but tons of my fans are queer and I know they’ll eat this up so I’ll take it instaed of passing it to a queer artist who would have a personal connection to the song” That would be such a fucked up thing to do. Not to mention that the song has literally become a beacon of light for his queer fans and the venues become literal pride parades for the song. He literally did a shoot with polari. That is a language created by the queer comminuty so they could communicate with eachother without getting fucking arrested or killed by homophobes. I would find it highly inappropriate for a famous straight man to promote and profit off a brand founded on the struggles of the queer comminity without having any connection to the community or those struggles. Especially when there are so many artists who are queer who could understand those struggles. Also, Louis knows what Larry is, he knows what blue and green mean. He goes out on stage every show and sings a song with Larry in it. He gets the venues to light up in blue and green. He points at Larry signs. The only shirt he wore twice on tour was blue and green. If we think he does all these things on purpose but that Larry isn’t real, it means that he is misleading an entire part of his fandom for profit and popularity. Plus, the Larry fandom is made up, primarily of queer people. It would be absolutely shit of him to constantly bait his queer fans just so he can make more money. Because that is what he’s doing if Larry isn’t real. He’d be preying on his queer fans and making himself more marketable to them because he knows they make up a big chuck of his fandom. But do you know how fucked up that is? Pretending to be gay and queercoding just for money? Like it’s something that people aren’t killed, disowned, beat and abused for? Like being gay is some trendy thing that makes you seem hip and woke? People would really rather believe that Louis is doing all that than believe that he might be in a relationship with his ex bandmate. Because if I wasn’t dead set on the fact that Larry is real, I would actively despise Louis with a passion for misleading his queer fans and profiting off the queer aesthetic.

Same with Harry. If Harry is straight than all his queercoding and coming outs would means he’s literally just ‘playing gay for fun’. What is light’s up? What is She, medicine, fine line? LIke?? How do you explain those in a cis/het way? They’d rather think that he has to get drunk to think of his girlfriend and that when they have sex is the only time he knows her than the possibility that the “her” in question is a reference to his gender idenity. Same with She. It’s like the thought of Harry being anything but cis/het is an absoutle tragedy. They’d rather create a version of the story where Harry actively hurts queer people. And the whole Holivia thing. You really want Harry to be the kind of guy who sleeps with his boss while she’s in a relationship with a man who she has with two young kids with? She also just happens to be Harvey Weinstein's right hand man and she’s also ten years older and in a position of power over him and can impact his career in the industry. You really think Harry would do that? And if he did, you should be concerned. That is a recipe for a relationship built on manipulation and power. Why would anyone want that for Harry? Because it’s better than him being queer? Because it’s better than him being anything other than the cis/het fantasy you’ve been sold since the day he auditioned for the X factor. So when people say that Larry is fake and clearly they’re both straight I just want them to evaluate what that means for them. Because if they are straight and Larry has never been real, not only are they profiting off the queer aesthteic and their queer fans, they are causing harm to real queer people who can’t come out, who can’t be themselves because guess what? Being queer is still a sin and bad to so many people. Also, do you really wanna believe that Louis, a world famous singer was so irresponsible he got a one night stand pregnant? That’s the first rule in Hollywood! If you’re gonna have sex, use protection! And if you do get someone pregnant? GET A PAT TEST! Lord knows some people would use a baby just to get money and fame. Also, Louis has always kept his private life to himself. He would not all the sudden take his baby on walks so he can get photographed for publicity and relevancy. Like? You want to believe that Louis is the kind of day to expose his newborn to the paps just so he can get media attention? Or make so many Billie Jean references? Get his own sons birthday wrong? Let the media believe he’s a dead beat dad? Is that who you want to stan? A man who refuses to acknowledge his girlfriend of 10 years? A man who treats his girlfriend like a dog walker and trophy wife? I would not support a man like that.

So all of this is to say, which narrative paints Louis and Harry in a bad light? Which one makes them seem like queerbaiting homewreckers? The one where Larry isn’t real and where Louis isn’t a dad.

If there day ever comes where Larry is confirmed to be nothing but a wise tale, H and L will lose my support because of how much they interact with the fandom and continue to push Larry.

[alarrytale]

There are no gay songs/songs about Louis in the vault, because all those are absolute bangers and they all made the albums! //

Which songs are about Louis on Harry's House? And please don't use your excuse about lyric interpretation when we are not talking John Donne here. ' SHE asks me to choke HER, I play along' is pretty straightforward and if the lyrics said 'he' all Larries would accept that it was a line about Harry engaging in breath play with a partner.

Obviously people can think whatever they want to think but the problem with het harries and Harry´s songs is exactly what the anon mentioned in your ask - Harry use 10 layers of metaphors which can have multiple meanings but suddenly when he writes "choke her" it is a line that definitely has exact and the only meaning like sure Jan, he´s suddently out of nowhere singing about choking kink/choking woman during sex. Really sad how his public image fucks their minds that they really think he´s sex god/kinky Daddy and he´s truly only a piece of meat for them without any feelings or needs.

I know leaks are mostly stunt songs that luckily hadn´t made it to the album but this Make My Day I canˇt get rid of feeling the end of the song is indeed about Louis because who/what else is Harry´s comfort person who also always cheers him up?

Hi, anons!

The second anon answers the first anon.

The thing about lyric interpretation and analysis is that you can interpret every second word three different ways and how you interpret it depends on you! The thing is, that people just aren’t getting, is that it's the lyrics are written to be this way! There is no right or wrong answer! I know you all try very hard to tell me there is, but there is not.

There's straight forward and literal interpretation of things, like by 'she' Harry means 'she'. Then there is reading between the lines and understanding that a metaphor is in place of saying what they really mean (a hurricane behind the door). Then there is the metaphor that's in context of a whole song that's a whole metaphor. A metaphor within a metaphor. So the metaphor within a metaphor doesn’t neccessarily mean what the metaphor usually stands for (copy of a copy of a copy (the song). Harry's songs have a tendency to lean towards the third option.

Take the song Bicycle race by Queen. "I want to ride my bicycle". You'd think Freddie was an avid biker, if you didn’t know he was bisexual. You need context to gain understanding. I wouldn't say those who say the song is about riding bikes are wrong. I'm just trying to illustrate that it could have deeper meaning as well.

Since we have different views on who H and L are as people we will have different interpretations of their lyrics. I can argue "She ask me to choke her, and i play along" to be "She ask me to do something that's over the line, that's not something i would ever do, but i do it anyway, because i have no choice". The lyric can be looked at forcfully, violently and as an act of anger, hesitant but willingly or as something sexual. It could also simply be they needed a word with two syllables...and it's made to not make sense.

Since it's so wildly different i usually don't engage in lyric interpretations and analysis. I hate it because it's pointless and i usually disagree anyway lol.