#and it cant be ... fixed. its not a hole that can be filled

[ziemiawypalona]

there is a huge hole in modern polish society where jewish people and culture used to be

[nightcolorz]

always thinking about the development of abed and Brittas dynamic. Pov ur Britta and ur starting community collage and u meet a visibly autistic guy in ur Spanish one class and when ur introduced to him u can’t help but think of ur older brother who works with autistic kids and u wonder if ur capable of making positive change in someone’s life the way he does or if ur always going to fuck everything up like everyone says u do, and u befriend this autistic guy in ur Spanish class who realize as u soon become close friends rlly needs a type of daily support that he isn’t and has never been accommodated with and ur like wow, sad, what if I can be the support he needs, and obviously you can’t, bcus ur one person and also u know nothing about autism and also this random man from ur Spanish one class has an acute mission to push u into emotional despair bcus ur earnest desire to help him bcus of ur personal internal conflict combined with ur huge amount of ignorance reminds him of his mother and he wants to consciously emulate his relationship with her with u so that he can use footage of u to make a shitty art film about his childhood trauma and that’s when u realize that u aren’t ur brother and also are stupid asf to think that u can be like ur brother for ur adult friend who is low key having some form of psychotic episode but even still you’ve grown to love this autistic Man U met at ur Spanish one class and it breaks ur heart everyday that u will never be enough to meet his neglected emotional needs so u decide to become a psychology major so that maybe one day u will be adequate enough to do this right, bcus rlly u have a lot of unaddressed existential terror that the world is a cruel unjust place that u are too insignificant to do anything about and it fills the hole in ur heart a little to feel like u are making an impact in at least one vulnerable persons life, but ultimately ur an ignorant and self centered collage student and ur autistic friend from Spanish one loves to remind u that u are not enough and ur attempts to help him will only ever backfire or register to him as infantilizing condescension and as u try to therapize ur adult friend u become the one getting therapied as he turns every attempt of urs on its head so that now u are the one being confronted by ur own psychological problems which eventually come to a head when he comforts u about ur own failure while he’s having a hallucinatory psychotic episode prompted by his mom giving up on him where he tells u in song form that you are “broken” bcus u desperately want to help people but u lack the tools to make any positive change and u cry a whole lot about this bcus from now forward u are forced to reckon with the reality that u are not qualified to fix ur disabled friend bcus ur a psychology student in collage and he has autism and psychosis and childhood trauma and all u can rlly do about that is be a good friend and an adult about it and also accept that ur disabled friend is just as much of a person and an adult as you are and u cant violate his autonomy by using him as a tool for ur own self betterment and now u don’t use ur baby voice on him quite as much bcus you’ve learned that ur friend is going to psychologically torture the shit out of u if u try to be his mom so instead u set ur sights on being his collage friend who he can talk shit with and such and everyone’s just going to try their best

Then pov ur abed and ur like lol. Britta is Talking to me Like im five. What if I stop talking to her to emulate my childhood speech delay so that she’s forced to deal with the burden my mom did and she leaves me like everyone else does so I can make a movie about it. Oops she’s still here. Well, her romantic subplots would make rlly good sitcom storylines in the tv show that is my life. 🍜🍜🍜🍜🍜coolcoll

[creativeinfinite13]

AROMANTICISM - THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ROMANCE AND YOU HAVE TO BE APART OF IT 

When you're a kid, you don't question much. Some things about the world are just fact, you know? The sky is blue, ice cream is tasty, strangers are dangerous, the world is good, and your mom is all-knowing. But as you grow up, you're expected to question things. The world gets more complex; you learn about politics, or statistics- misogyny and personhood. Your mom was a kid once too, and she has her own biases. But some things aren't ever questioned. Not even considered. It's on the radio, on tv. It's on the billboards, in the coying questions about every boy you meet. A kiss begins with Kay. True love conquers all. Martha and Dereck are getting together- isnt that so nice? Because everyone strives for that, right? Everyone feels it. You should want this. Mom and dad are married. And you will be too. 

Love. The uniting human emotion- or so it claims. Of course there is love for your friends, for your family- and that for sure is all-emcompasing, a deep connection unlike any other that makes your heart feel warm and safe. That is love of course, but thats not the first thing that came to your mind, right? No. This is about Love, the coupling emotion, full of kisses and rings and nights of passion. Its the eternal connection to which nothing can compare, and without it, you are only half of a whole. Half a person- you are nothing without a partner to marry and obsess over. Half a feeling- You wont get the true human experience if you dont fall in love. A half without a whole. A half that needs to be fixed. 

But what if that was all you were? 

What if you never felt broken? 

But you are, of course. You have to be. You simply dont get it. Everyone has there special someone, and it will be alright in the end. You cannot be truly happy without a partner. Just look at all the newlyweds. And their parents. And their grandparents. Look at how happy they are. Dont ask about the divorcees, or the abusive spouces. Dont look at your friends, doing drugs and ignoring meetups for the sake of love. Love is always more important than friendship. It is simply more. Lovers support you- like friends dont? Lovers give you joy- like friends cant? Lovers fill you up with warmth and safety and trust- but of course, also lust. Also passion. You have to be a little crazy to live with someone forever. And isnt that just what it is? Crazy? Thats what its always seemed like. So much emotion for someone- that you never felt. Something that you dont really want to feel. Because you have felt warmth, trust, and fondness. But only with friends. But never that overwhelming force that Love seems to be. That overwhelming force that makes you only focus on one person above all others. Its almost terrifying, that obsession. Your not sure if you could ever want something like that. But you have to. You have to kiss and marry and go on dates. Because otherwise? You're crazy. Broken. Some- Thing that just doesnt understand. That just has to find “the right one.” And then you will be whole. You will be normal. Because everyone falls in love. Thats just how it is. How it always will be. 

You will be a mom, and you will have a husband. And you will kiss under the moonlight, make love to each other, and you will pretend to feel something when you say your vows. You will stop hanging out with your friends, and more with your husband, and life will begin to dull. You will love your children, truly, and barely make eye contact with the person who shares your home. You will grow old, and he’ll grow alongside you, and you will wonder when you will be happy. But this is all it is. All it will be. And soon, you will just be a wife. You will not have friends. You will not have a hobby. And you will not feel happy, or sad, or anything at all. Because you are not just a half now. Love has made you a hole.

AROMANTIC: A PERSON THAT FEELS LITTLE TO NO ROMANTIC ATTRACTION TO ANYONE. EX: “I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY, I’M AROMANTIC.”

[jay-joy113]

Imagine being in an dnd universe and meeting Jason.

You were walking with no real place to go when you headbutt a 6'7 brick wall of muscle who may or may not be an knight.

Now, ussualy he doesn't do charity, but seeing you so weak and alone makes gim go soft and bring you back to his humble abode (a whole ass castle).

His home is filled with weapons of many kinds but manly swords. The soft red carpet being spotless tells you hes either an clean freak or he doesn't stay inside much. The small Garden of roses is on the brink of decay because of over watering. Your room, the guest room, is a bit dusty but overall confy. Your blue sheets are made of an fine silk, theres even cute patterns on it.

Jason tells you that you can stay while you look for a place to stay, that you can even eat from his food. Honestly i would cry of sheer happines . Anyway, and thats how your slice of life adventures beggin. Wheater you prefer cleanning, cooking or gardening you end up doing something. And Jason is a bit emotional about those little acts of service, if you pick cleaning he will tell you how he never bothered because he rarely goes back to his castle (workaholic bitch) and say the smell is wonderfull. If you pick cooking he might actually cry, the last time he ate a home cooked meal was when he was a kid, he does cook for himself but that hits different. If you go care for those poor angiosperms he will look at you as if you did wichtcraft, what do you mean you fuking fixed those?? He couldn’t really care for them so he just... let em be yknow?

Afther a few more days and a more yapping, congrats, you endered him. He never had só much noyse in his castle, its not as umpleasent as he tought. That might be selfish but.. He doesn't want you to leave.

You been a great company, a great friend, a great crush- NO. He must not. You are an vunerable woman/ man/ person Who has no place to go, he shouldnt have these sinful toughts... so why when you smile he wants to kiss you? Why when he sees you helping in the castle those stone walls look more like a home? Why does he itch to hug you and never ever let go?

Afther some nights he cant take it anymore and touches himself. The warm feel of his big hands on his fat cock trying to mimic how you would feel around it. What sounds would you make? Would them be as pretty as you? With your name on his lips and face on his mind. Just as he is about to come you enter his room, whatever the fuck you had to say it scapes your head the second you see sweaty buff Jason calling out your name as he pants his abdomen white. His veiny dick doesn't go down, no, in fact it seems to get even harder under your gaze, even if its owner its looking like a fresh tomato. He asks for forgivnes, that he didn’t want you to hate him, he begs and begs...

His begging gets way cuter when you put your mouth on his member. You lick the head then gives it a little kiss, making Jason even more confused. You start to put him in, Jason puts his hand on your head, petting it softly as he lets an string of praises. When he finally cums in your mouth you can taste his salty taste. He tells you to spit, but you cant let such amazing meal go to waste can you?

When he sees you swallowed something snapped in him. He gets on top of you, undressing and carressing your body. Kissing his way down to your pussy/ cock/ hole(?). You are going to orgasm that way at least twice, he looks like an starved man, and he is, starved for love YOUR love.

Once you are both ready to do the did he will ask for consent at least 5 times. He will ask if you are 100% sure. Of course you are, its fuking Jason Todd. As said before he is most defnetly blessed, those 11 inches didn’t joke at all. Hes gentle, hugging you close and giving your face a bunch of little kisses as he says he loves you. If you ask him to go rougher he might not be able to, his life is a battle field, everything in him is rough, but for you he wants to be gentle, in these four walls he wants to be delicate.

Once you are both done he will clean you both up, dont bother doing much he wants to take care of you, just as you cared for him, he loves you a lot, he tells you that as you both cuddle on his bed, he asks if you want to live with him for real, if you want to stay forever.

If you say Yes in some days a cute little ring will be in your hand.

Thanks for reading

[sixlane]

barty reg and Lily?

LISTENNNN. i’ve actually been cooking up this post for a while and you’ve just given me a beautiful opportunity to talk about them. regubartylily, as i’m calling them, is a classic love triangle with barty at the crux. this ship hurts so bad and, at its core, is about letting go.

imagine, barty and regulus are childhood friends turned codependent parasites. they have never dated but they are each others first everything. they kiss and fool around occasionally but they never talk about it. their relationship just is what it is.

enter lily, who is regulus’ secret arch nemesis (read: reg&lily post). reg holds a deep dislike for lily because she is everything he wishes he could be and vice versa.

at some point barty develops an interest in lily because she wears this beautifully cracked mask that he cant help but want to see under. lily likes barty because he’s the only one who’s noticed she’s wearing a mask in the first place. after a while of orbiting around each other, barty and lily start dating… <- devastating for regulus, the guy who has never gotten a single thing he’s wanted his whole life. losing his best friend to the girl who has everything already. the boy reg is using to replace his brother being stolen by another fucking gryffindor…. he is HEARTBROKEN. it’s just another reason he’s inadequate. (and it’s different from jegulus/jily because james will always be unattainable to reg but barty is HIS. and now he is being replaced by the Better Version of himself). but he refuses to go down without a fight. he will not let go if he can help it. he will not allow his relationship with barty change. they probably still kiss sometimes while barty and lily are dating because that’s just what they do but lily knows barty and reg are weird with each other. and this is the girl who lives in a world where everything she has is balanced so precariously, ready to topple the moment she isn’t living up to Expectations. and now she feels like her relationship with barty (the one actual good thing in her life) is about to fall apart too because regulus can’t appreciate the things he has. he wants more. it’s a constant game of tug of war with barty in the middle (who btw is not oblivious to this. he just doesn’t understand why he can’t be something for both of them and he refuses to choose).

so anyway it’s about letting go. reg letting go of the codependency he shared with barty. lily letting go of insecurity and needing someone else to tell her who she can be.

enter evan (yes he’s here too). when barty meets evan everything clicks into place. evan will never need a single thing from barty. this is barty’s happy ending where he learns to let go of being needed. and reg and lily have to let go of barty completely in the contexts they knew/used him.

and that’s where i see reg and lily developing this begrudging friendship where they are both kind of mourning this loss but realizing it’s all for the better. barty could never actually fill the holes they were shoving him into. they gotta fix their shit themselves. and they’re happy that barty finally found a place he can just exist in without offering an inhuman level of devotion and self sacrifice.

this is the good ending. in the bad ending reg and lily murder barty together and help each other hide the body 🥰

[cerberus-new-owner]

WHOOOOOO week late birthday present to me from me

thank you me

your very welcome me

did i speed write like over half of this like 4 minutes ago (as im editing this and adding the intro on tumblr) yes, yes i did

But anywaysssss onto the cw

CW: like none (i hope), gn mc, mc and the characters relationships can be taken as platonic or romantic, fluffffff

Lucifer

the same pen every year but, its not just him stealing it from mc's room to rewarp it he has a box full of the exact same pens if one of them has a slight defect he will write a letter to the company that made the pens and send the damaged pen with it (mc shouldn't mention the fact that they've gotten the exact same pen from him four years in a row his pride will be hurt and he will just start engraving their name into the pens never know he may eventually switch it up and put a cute little nickname or something on the pen instead of just 'mc'), either that or he listens very closely and pays attention to what mc might need throught the year need a new desk at some point cause satan broke theirs placing a book down consider it bought mc dropped their bag in a puddle and need a new laptop it's theirs. sadly though he will only get them things that are practical hat they say they need so no jewlery or devices you already have that work fine unless mc can come up with a good excuse as to why the latest tech is needed for studying, there is the odd chance he may get them a bottle of demonus thinking 'they seem to like the taste of it even if it doesn't affect them' (doesn't matter what he gets mc the pens will always be given to them as a fun little bonus prize)

Mammon

anything and everything mc has even looked at for more than half a second is now in their room they mentioned a certain idk (whats something a half sane sheep that has to babysit like 9 demons 2 angels and a sorcerer on daily basis look at in a store oh well) mc mentions something they saw the other day that caught their eye his broke ass is looking for the cheapest deal he can find (or most expensive depends on if he has goldie or not) and buying it

Satan

like lucifer mans will think practical things and like himself he thinks books are the most practical things of all of course cats are fairly high on his list of practical things (they are a must have unless you're allergic to them if you're allergic to them im sorry cats cause you pain, then again they cause most people pain tiny little fluffy a holes that i love continuing) he will be bothering mc about their choice in books asking alot of questions along the lines of 'what genre are you most into' 'mc whos your favourite author' 'fiction or non-fiction' all in attempt to figure out what mc likes if mc isn't really into books and is into idk sports or gardening something like that he will search endlessly to find an interesting book to give mc on one of their hobbies and if they don't like the book he can always "borrow" them to learn more about mc's likes and hobbies

Asmodeus

feel like this is a no brainer but some kind of spa day or outfit (wait new headcannon alert what if he knows how to sew and occasionally makes clothes for himself for y'know when theres nothing new in fashion or theres an important event he cant find anything fabulous to wear but occasionally being the keyword he probably uses most of his talent fixing rips in satan shirts from satans outbursts) anyways... he will spend an entire day fawning over mc he will make sure they dont lift a finger god forbid they get a papercut from wrapping paper or worry lines from stressing about how tf they're supposed to sleep when mammons filled their room with gifts

Feel like because of this i should do how they wrap the gifts so this goes for Christmas / any other holidays too so bonusss (this is also who would remember to include a card)

lucifer

plain colour probably in mcs favourite colour no ribbon or anything fancy just plain [insert favourite colour] wrapping paper, he takes pride in wrapping his gifts neatly (he's wrapped the same pen for several years straight he has had practice) he gets a card for mc like the presents wrapping the outside is a plain colour with words relating to whatever celebration it is with either the dryest shit ever written on the inside or the most sappy shit depends on his relationship with mc if its the latter option though we will only give mc the card in private knowing exactly how his brothers would react

mammon

he uses the christmas wrapping paper from two years ago that everyone forgot they had until he called out 'anyone gonna use this wrapping paper i found in the closet' to satan replying 'you know thats christmas wrapping paper right' and mammon taking satan answer as a go ahead to use it, he'd do his best to wrap any gifts he got mc he looks up a tutorial and everything and 100% is proud of his work not matter how messy it looks, if anyone chooses to mention how messily it's wrapped he will say its part of the suspense he will use ribbons and bows to add extra effect

he forgets about aa card entirely

leviathan

ruri-chan wrapping paper wrapped as neatly as possible so the little images line up on every side as perfectly as possible he will spend hours trying to get the folds just right so the images line up nothing fancy like ribbons or bows he'd feel bad if he covered one of the characters so he doesn't bother with it

he panicked about what to write in the card so he gave up deciding that having a marathon with mc was way more important than writing his feelings onto a card

satan

cat wrapping paper or wrapping paper that looks like pages from books he makes any gifts he's wrapped look pretty (just like the pretty boy he is whosaidthat/j) he wraps the gift neatly and puts a little bow on it before writing a heartfelt card and using a little bit of tape to attach it to the wrapped box

asmodeus

picks out the prettiest wrapping paper he can find even if he's just wrapping a card that says "Spa Day!" he is wrapping it neatly with utmost care

he chooses a card based on mc's likes and hobbies of course making sure it's bedazzled and as pretty as possible

beelzebub

two layers of wrapping paper he found one that had images of food on it but halfway through wrapping mc's gift with it he took a bite out of the wrapping paper so he changed wrapping paper to a plain one so he would be somewhat less tempted to eat it

he gets mc a card and starts to write something in it before the writing stops mid word and theres a bunch of crumbs from him eating something forgetting to finish the card and giving it to mc anyways

belphegor

clouds it's very nicely wrapped because he probably went to one of those 'we wrap the presents for you' places and paid them the only part he did himself was the card and he put a tiny bit of effort into it until the writing gets smudged and messy and is that a bit of drool he fell asleep midway through writing oh well guess he better nap with mc to make up for falling asleep

omg what will i do nowwww guess what

boom

double bonus cause i said so

Barbatosss

tea party, tea party, tea party (i like tea) he will invite mc to the castle not only does this mean he gets to celebrate diavolo also gets to celebrate mc's birthday (like diavolo wasn't the one to suggest it, barbatos just anticipated dia asking to invite them over) barbatos will cook mc food from the human realm majority of it being things he heard them say they liked or missed from the human realm occasionally he might throw in a devidom ingredient or two to enhance somethings flavour or to add a fun little surprise (maybe he throws in something to change the colour of their fur for a few minutes who knows) as for the acctual gift part he probably gets mc something small to remind them of him or something practical he's not lucifer when it comes to gifts and may look into the future to see if theres anything mc will need in the near future like maybe their bag is gonna break in the next two weeks and they'll need a new one just so happen barbs gave them a new bag for their birhday the week before perfect

he wraps gifts by himself with a plain wrapping paper of mcs favourite colour and by far out of everyone wraps them the nicest he's lived for a millennia he's had practice wrapping gifts when it comes to writing a card for them he does his best to make it heartfelt and meaningful

soooooo tadaaa i've finished unless people want the others (by people i mean if i were in theory to gain motivation to write for the rest of the characters)

i hope people enjoyed this have a good day, night, brunch, apple, pen (pineapple apple pen)

follow the leader, the leader, the leader, follow the leader right to the masterlist

dangnabit his means im old now too

[saltyslime]

you know what yeah fuck it why the hell not i am nothing if not insane.

Joofwatt/ RoyalBreakdown incoming you fucking assholes. (ft @seaw4tt who is just as much of a lunatic as i am)

Alright so basically: Joofy has SEVERE AND CONSTANT NOTICABLE ISSUES- some of these include -Actively changing his entire personality specifically for others approval -frequent attention seeking especially related to companionship -Unhealthy attachment to evbo, which appears to be slowly getting worse He is frequently told he is ugly a looser and shit at everything he does, both by evbo, his "friends", and a large quantity of NPC's. He has been actively replaced by an exact clone of himself with a different colored shirt and everyone preferred the clone. Enter seawatt. Him and joofy have constant beef, those two fucking hate eachother and joofy brings up wanting that twink obliterated at every opportunity he can. Despite his potrayal as someone who is incompetent and incapable of most tasks, he is frequently shown in positions of power with respect from his peers with plenty of friends. This directly contrasts joofy, who despite being above average in most skills, is often belittled and occasionally physically assaulted just for like fucking existing. seriously what is everyones problem. I am also everyone why do you think i have these.

Something about this man makes him unberably punchable. ANYWAYS- Seawatt maintains his mask to keep people at a distance, not wanting to get close to them so he can remain in controll of the situation and to avoid getting attached to anyone who might leave him. Despite this, he is still popular and sucsessful, wich leads directly into why joofy fucking H A T E S him Joofy has no friends, and his "best friend" evbo barely tolerates him and seems to stay near him more out of pity and duty than any real love or affection. Despite how hard he tries, warping himself into unrecognizable forms desperate to just have someone , ANYONE stay, no one does. He tries everything. Being hotter, smarter, stronger. Better than everyone at everything, just to try and hold onto what little shreds of companionship he can. Only to get pummled for it, leading to him becoming more and more agressive and standoffish as he desperately seeks aproval while also barking and niping at anything that gets to close out of fear that it will hurt him again. And seawatt has everything he wants and dosent even appreciate it. Seawatt is loved and adored by everyone. Seawatt is given authority and respect. Seawatt is a pathetic moron who cant do anything by himself and gets his ass kicked by a light breeze. And yet joofy is the one whos tossed to the side like garbage. And seawatt knows this. Joofy is the ONE person who as seen through his mask, not as a friend, but as a foe. Seawatts let people in before, sure, but he LET them. HE was in contoll. And Joofy bores holes into the back of his head. He knows what a pathetic fucking liar Seawatt is and that scares him. So they fight. Constantly. No one knows the other better than they do, every habit, every blunder. Constant jabbing and jeering as fear and hatred bleed into eachother.

But the line gets blurred over time. They can awnser almost any question about the other, filled with detest, sure, but still answered. "Yeah he went to the doctors Saturday because he broke his hand like a fucking looser" "he cant have mangos they make his throat burn because hes a little bitch" Seawatt makes a comment about how if it werent for joofys disgusting fucking outfit, he might actually look nice. Neither of them realize what that implies. He pushes back, saying that if seawatt thinks his outfit is so fucking ugly, why dosent he fix it? He feels like he looks nice, genuinely good, for the first time in years. Joofy constantly taunts him when they practice parkour, but his "hit the corner dumbass" helps, its his best time yet. They play chess. Seawatt beats him 7/3. They play again a week later.

[pbaz7]

Currently taking an sat practice test cs I have mine Saturday (gonna kms)

Paige could actually hoop. She wasn’t flashy about it, but she moved with a gracefulness when she had the ball in her hand

- oh so she’s js like that in every life??? Coo.

If Azzi looked at Paige a certain way, that was all it took and well...Azzi was always looking at Paige a certain way

- oh she’s OVERLY going

Paige had a protector’s heart,

- my princess ass loves this shit like yessss walk on the sidewalk closer to the street. Lock the door once I’m in the car then you get in!!!!!

Azzi had just gotten goddess braids for the off season and Paige hadn’t stopped staring at her since.

- not only is Azzi sexy asf but she’s sexy asf w braids toooo like

“You’re the one out here in all black like you don’t know what that does to me.”

- GLAD TO KNOW ITS NOT JS ME CS ALL BLACK IS SOOOOOOOOO UGH 😩😩

Hold up my break almost over gotta cook (get cooked) on this math part. I’m back math part cooked me still BUT I got a higher reading score than I’ve been getting so a win is a win!!

because Azzi was pissy over another woman touching Paige’s arm.

- valid crashout

“Nobody was flirting with me baby.”

- how abt you js say “okay baby” and move on cs as a fem we always right. Or at least im always right.

that they didn’t hear the front door open. They didn’t hear the keys drop in the bowl by the entrance.

- mommy brink

Rickea and Rae stood there completely frozen, their mouths slightly open, Rickea’s eyes scanning Paige’s torso in shock while Rae’s just stayed locked in place.

- Ik rae abt to tell the Alexa in the crib to play “that should be me” by Justin Bieber

but her gaze hadn’t moved away from Paige’s exposed stomach and the way her opened pants hung a little too low on her hips.

- now Azzi gotta beat her ass too but valid?????

Azzi noticed and her jaw tensed, a slight possessiveness burning in her chest as she snatched Paige’s shirt off the counter and tossed it at her aggressively. “Put on a shirt.”

- iktr but I would’ve clocked Rae first idk

“I—I didn’t even realize. That was involuntary, I’m sorry.”

- yeah you better apologize I can sue you

“I ain’t know you were a lil kinky.”

- a little??? that’s subjective but not to them! Wait yall seen that part in sinners where Hailee spit into my man mouth👀👀 write that down write that down

“So what’s the safe word?”

- man I ain’t pussy

Paige’s house that was previously filled with a peacefulness that made her chest feel open was now just loud and ringing in her ears.

- she’s overstimulated get the ppl out her crib NOW

until her dad brought up the fight.

- damnit bob

He waved her off like she didn’t say anything at all, already pulling up the video.

- UGH CS THIS WHY I JUST CANT TOLERATE MEN

“It’s me, baby,

- nobody sent me here, it’s me baby, it’s me

Her voice was quiet, but neither of them realized that the volume in the room dropped completely.

- now this is a pet peeve. When all of a sudden it’s quiet in a room after being loud and I’m in the middle of saying smth i wanted to be private like fuck.

her dad opened his mouth about the fight again

- SHUT UPPPPPO BOB

Man, that’s a different kind of locked in. That’s next-level. Mind of a killer.”

- now she’s gonna go into a hole smh

“I don’t need you to manage my career, I pay somebody for that.”

- she said ur broke now stfu

she saw Paige lying flat on her back in the middle of it with her eyes fixed on the ceiling like she was trying to find answers in her ceiling.

- I’ve done this frequently this year when dance was so shit

Then a knock on the gym door interrupted the moment.

- people learned to knock!!

when the gym doors slammed open with a loud bang.

- nvm

“Unfortunately,” Rae admitted with a small shrug, clearly not proud of it.

- AZZI BEAT HER ASS NOW OR ILL DO IT

Rickea leaned over to Rae, whispering. “Don’t do nothin’ stupid or Azzi gon’ get you.”

- YUP

“Don’t be all touchy.”

- yeah cs she’ll beat ur ass too or worse use the strap on u

“Just making sure you don’t forget I’m here.”

- you’re basically in her I think she knows ur there!

“You’re literally in my spine,” Paige muttered.

- right.

“Ma’am,”

- get her outta Texas. Ik she’s not in Texas in this fic but she needs to leave

“You’n gotta be jealous.”

- Paige a yn in another life. Change my mind, you can’t. (The moment she started talking abt Marvin sapp and Fred Hammond I was like oh she’s black too)

You throwing like you're worried about breaking a nail.”

- you’re sending me the money to get it fixed if I break it?

From the bench Azzi narrowed her eyes. She reached next to her on the bench and grabbed a spare wrap, and threw it at Paige. It thumped against her back.

- YEAHHH CS WATCH OUT PAIGE????

and said something too low for Paige to catch.

- say it with your chest mama

“I said...you’re going to make me forget my name if you keep lookin’ at me like that, daddy.”

- actually let’s keep this a whisper…

“I need y’all to come back tomorrow.”

- just easy. Damn. Ain’t got no act right.

“Please remember I’m staying in the guest room!” Subtly telling them to not be too loud

- acting like they gon be all night 👀

This chapter showed their growth as a couple so well and I really like that

- 🥸

oh so she's js like that in every life??? Coo.

i don’t think there’s any universe where she can’t bounce a ball

oh she's OVERLY going

damn look at y’all basically twins

how abt you js say "okay baby" and move on cs as a fem we always right. Or at least im always right.

you sound like my damn girlfriend 😒. the word “no” doesn’t get processed be her ears or something

a little??? that's subjective but not to them! Wait yall seen that part in sinners where Hailee spit into my man mouth 👀👀 write that down write that down

that was a lil tooo much spit for my liking

I've done this frequently this year when dance was so shit

when life goes to shit the ceiling/sky is your bestfriend

[princess-glassred]

First of happy 200 followers!!! And secondly Id wanted to ask what your opinion is on rebel Richie if you could call it that? Yk the one where he’s super badass and slept with basically anyone since hes such a Playboy or something? (I’ve seen a fic where it said he slept with 45 women and I was like…45?) me personally…I’m not really sure that Richie would ever be that type of person, but a lot of people in the fandom do it so..what’s your opinion on that?

Thank you, and what an intriguing question! I've never really seen a fic that describes what you're saying, but i think context depends on when he has sex with all these people. Im asexual so i dont have a huge grasp on this stuff, but i think richie having sex with lots of people could be very in character for him if you used all the men/woman to show how closeted and lonely he is as an adult. He feels a hole on him left by the losers club and he tries to fill the void with sex despite the connection being fleeting and richie desperately wanting more, which could also be made worse by all the hook ups being dudes because hed be in the closet the whole time. However to portray random hook ups like its something richie has no problems doing and like he prefers it feels wrong to me. Richie isnt johnny bravo, he doesnt just see people as a means to an end ao he can lay pipe, he cares so much about what people think, he CRAVES connection, enough that he was willing to sterilize himself for his ex wife sandy cause taking birth control made her sick. Richie wants people to be around him but just lacks the ability to make them stay and he doesnt know why and thats tragic. Hes not a cool playboy, hes lonely and doesnt know how to fix it.

Richie being over confident is not in his character, sure he talks alot and speaks his mind but not having a filter isnt the same as confidence. Richie himself sees his own thoughts and feelings as an untameable werewolf, like hes terrified of how he runs around and talks a million miles a minute and thinks of things no one else does. Richie is only confident when he has people to fight with and protect, compared to eddie is more outgoing, but thats not saying much.

The closest thing ive seen to this rebel version of richie you described is all the fanfics where richie is a member of the bowers gang, and i hate these kind of fics don't do anything with the concept. Its a genuinely intriguing question to ask "What if Richie was a member of the bowers gang" because it flips a lot of his charactee traits on their head. Like yeah, what WOULD happen if richie used his insecurities about his appearance and closeted feelings to become the worst kind of bully, only aided more by his quick wit, funny jabs at people, and loud mouth. I can see bill hating him for his constant shitty impressions the way he hates belch for burping all the time. It also helps that richie in the book has a few racist jokes that havent aged well, and if he just did more of those he could slot in nicely with the bowers gang, especially if he could make henrys racist ass yuck it up.

But no, everytime i see it its just an excuse to make richie kind of an asshole and eddie be like "oooh i hate him so much, but i cant stop lusting after him. Oooooh the irony." Or so he can be punk badboy eddie gets to have a will they wont they romance with. It annoys me when people dont use the full potential of their concepts, cause i love fic and i want everyone who writes it to improve.

I dont think there are really bad ideas just bad executions, but i do think people who write this stuff tend to not write it well and could probably do better.

[davekat-sucks]

This is was supposed to be a simple ask but it ended up getting long because of there being too many question and discussions but barely any answers so sorry about that.

On the topic of WhatPumpkin sometimes we all have to wonder what the fuck is going on behind the scenes, the latest news we got werent that much and it felt more of a like "Hey guys we are still alive dont forget about us" situation and it doesnt help that we cant really get any info because of how the only guy that Im atleast aware that works on it and is online is James and although I have no source because it was months ago, when beyond canon came back I remember him getting asked about Hiveswap and i dont remember if he answered it on the blog or on a reddit qna but he had said he cant really do much about it because hes just the music guy on that department and not an director or writer and he probably cannot say whats going on if hes aware of even the minimum because of NDAs and you know the situation is weird when not even the new director for post canon can do nothing about it or doesnt know what the fuck is going on over there either (i believe its more of the former).

On the same topic Hussie jumping the ship in my opinion feels like such an awful move in a moral and community sense, he hires fucked up people and ends up going through development hell and instead of trying to fix it he just runs away and gives someone else the work. He becasically invited destruction to that place by not doing background checks and shit and now everyone else but him has to suffer for it. I wonder if WhatPumpkin will close business after they finish Hiveswap (if they even manage to finish it) or if their writting quality wont be bad if they try to do Hauntswitch now.

I also sometimes wonder if Hauntswitch was made first maybe things could have been better. Think about it:

It happens on the Human World and you play as a cool kid looking troll and that could open the doors for a lot of potential to explore more about the Earth on the Homestuck universe and its conspiracy theories and also give us more video game parody mechanics.

The whole conspiracy theory Jude had that iirc had even the USA presidents connect to may be right considering the easter egg that shows some sort of cultists standing outside the mansion we see on the background and watching the events unfold.

We would get more answers for whatever the fuck those creatures that attacked the manor where.

another good dog best friend to fill the bec shaped hole in our soul <:

Exploration of what SkaiaLabs exactly does.

Overall sounding like an awesome story itself, a alien coming to earth and fighting a cult related to the presidents with a human companion. Especially considering how Dammek sounds like hes an asshole and also because of how trolls are usually violent could lead to interesting interactions.

I might be wrong and biased though but I feel like that concept could attract more outsiders than Hiveswap could ever wish to do. And hopefully thats it and that I wont waste almost an hour of my life rambling about this stuff (for my own sake because i feel like i could have spent my time better but i also need to post this somewhere and i dont use social media most of the time and when i do its usually to see fanart, memes and overall discussion of my fav franchises) but I probably will in the future.

It's cool with this ask. You brought up many good points here.

Yes, the question about Hiveswap was asked in a Q&A back in October 30th, 2023 from James Roach here (Archive ver for backup). The news about development should be something more like how Toby does with the Deltarune newsletter. Monthly, maybe do a special event ARG thing that gives insight of what's coming up, or anything like that. Though even with that, it might be probably too little too late since we are at 11 years since the Kickstarter had funded. Probably doesn't help since 2 million dollars was wasted, it's a mystery how the game is still being worked on if the original Kickstarter money that was given to them, had been used up. What is WhatPumpkin's new source of income then? Do they have a second job they aren't telling us about? Are they using part of that Patreon money from Beyond Canon since technically there are some that work within Hiveswap too like James? Then there's the fact Hussie not only wasted the money, but basically left the Kickstarter project he started in the first place. He may own it and be credited as the creator, but he won't be involved in the future Acts and Hauntswitch. I'm surprised nobody is pissed at him for scamming them out of 2 million dollars. Do people not care if the original person who hosted it left? Especially with the truth come to light thanks to Gio's research on this. I wouldn't be surprised if WhatPumpkin does shut down because they couldn't gain the sales needed after releasing Hiveswap Act 3. People will probably wonder if even buying stuff from Topatoco would help or not with HS merch like the prints slowly resurfacing. Drawing in the crowds from old and new to play the game will be tough. I wouldn't be surprised if Hauntswitch was first made in mind before Hiveswap. Dammek even had a 3D model ready too.

Likely back when it was still a 3D game, we would control briefly but then after the cutscene of them being transported to the other planet, we would then have to take control of Dammek, have him meet Jude to possibly have him find a way to help him back home, and the pair would adventure on Earth itself for the rest of the game to find out about the monsters and the cult. Dammek's paranoid nature would play off Jude's conspiracy theory pretty well as it has the two involved looking deep into the mystery. I wouldn't be surprised if something about the cult would eventually tie in to his home planet and the rebellion as a final grand twist. An idea like that sounds more interesting than some girl getting lost on an alien planet and was roped into some rebellion that she has no reason to be part of besides being concerned for a friend.

[crystalis]

im really stressed out about my teeth..my face has changed a lot from bone loss around my mouth and i feel self conscious about it and its making me look older

my dentures are extremely loose and ive only been wearing them like once or twice a week but its so expensive to get them adjusted and i dont have health insurance. i have enough money to get them fixed but im so scared of how its going to look. i like that my dentures sorta fill out my mouth and theyre going to be a lot smaller when i get them fixed and its going to look worse

im struggling with avoidance so badly and idk how to escape. like i cant get out of my head but i want to live so badly. i feel like i cant talk to others or communicate and i feel so beneath everyone and ashamed and humiliated and im scared of people and im scared of working and scared of failing. im so scared. i have no motivation to push myself to get a job or get out of the house because i never have before, ive nevr even applied for a job before and im going to be 28 soon and i have like 1 friend and we only talk sometimes. i cant talk to people though bscauss i cant communicate and my confidence is so bad. but i want to be alone and i enjoy it, i feel comfortable and safe alone and i love talking to myself and pacing in my room

idk how to explain the feeling of being suicidal but also extremely not wanting to die.. i want to live so badly, i love human life and the world is so beautiful but i also dont want to live because i cant. i will never kill myself though, at least as long as my mom is alive because it would be exteemely cruel to do that to her (i dont wanna concern anyone reading this). and the thought of killing myself scares me too much too

i just feel like im completely trapped with myself though and buried in a hole. i dont know anything other than digging deeper in the hole and i feel so hopeless

i dont wanna blame my parents for stuff bscuase im responsible for throwing my life away but i wish my parents just pushed me more. i have no motivation to get a job because theres no pressure on me to and im scared of working because im scared of people and i hated school so much. i hated waking up at 6 am every morni g and going to school and thinking about it is making me sweat and im scared of doing this again. ive been in my bedroom essentially on summer break for 10 years and ruined my brain so bad its unsalvagable but this is all i know, there is no sense of urgency or no sense of like..real desire for change because im too comfortable like this

i wish dental implants didnt cost 20,000 dollars and i couldvr gotten dental implants 8 years ago. i wish i got a job 10 years ago. i wish i would just get a job. just do it just get a fucking job just figure out places that are hiring and then get a job. just get a job. all i have to do is just get a job. just do the thing that ive been so scared of and hiding from ssince graduating high school. just get a job and i'll be human like everyone else, all j have to do is just get a job. if i just get a job then i can get dental implants and save my face assuming i havent already waited too long and im still eligible for dental implants idk..why did i do this to myself. why do i continue doing this to myself. but im not actually doing anything though, and it dossnt feel fair. im not doing anything, im not actively hurting myself, why am i hurting myself like this without actually hurting myself? its not fair that i lost my teeth bsxause i was an irresponsible teenagsr and young adult and its not fair that your jawbones slowly deteriate if you dont have teeth and your face becomes really ugly as a consequence. i feel so trapped and sad..but i want to live, i wanna be normal and smile and laugh and touch other people and be touched and be able to talk and communicate and make memories.

i think i just really really need to build confidence somehow but i dont know how. i feel like my biggest problem that could be something to prioritize that could help most of my other problems is just working on my confidence becuase ultimately its like the extremely debilitating lack of confidence and my insecurities that makes me unable to communicate and makes me self-isolate and hide from the world. if i was just more confident i think i could talk to people more and express myself better and i could have more courage to push myself to be more independent from my parents

i know that when i finally just simply get a job i'll be amazed at how easy it was all along. and ill be extremely angry at myself for having thrown away my youth and ruining my face for the rest of my life for no reason. because i had social anxiety. its kinda stupid and hilarious

[iiiviey]

man and woman cant be friends.

"teach me how to play guitar" i said to my friend as he picked up his guitar and stummed a tune.

"alright" he said back to me, sat close, held my hand in place so i could get the notes right.

i focused on the stumming when i look up and notice a hungry look in his eyes, our faces close, hes looking at my lips.

"you are terrible at guitar" he laughs at me

"maybe your a bad teacher" i reply looking up at him slowly edging closer

he pulls the guitar away and sharply moves away from me. flustered and embarrassed i read the moment wrong i fix my hair and look down.

he tilts my chin up and looks me in the eyes.

"you wanna say that again"

"s-sorry i didnt-" i can barely put the sentence together

he slaps me in the face, i jolt away holding my cheek as i look back at him. hes smiling i wanna ask him to do it again, i felt the rush of adrenaline in my pussy.

" maybe if you werent such a stupid slut, you'd learn" he barks at me

he grabs me by the hair and forces my face into the pillow, his curious hands making his way down my body. he straddles ontop of me. i can feel his hard cock on my ass and his heavy male body leaning against me.

i hear him unbuckle his belt, im unable to move under his weight

"w-what are you doing" i ask in a shaky voice

"putting you back in your place, you're a useless whore whos only asset is as a cock sleeve"

he pulls up my skirt and forces his large throbbing cock into me

"you fucking slut how are you already this wet" he groans as he pushes in deeper

i gasp as he thrusts against me still unable to move but now a moaning mess at his mercy. he flips me over places his hand around my neck and squeezes tight

"your so pathetic, i bet you like this"

hes right i am and i do.

"m-mm-mhm- hmm" i attempt to reply through moans waiting eagerly for him to put his cock back inside me.

he lets go of my neck shoves his cock back in, so deep it almost hurts. as i let out a moan of relief he slaps me hard on the cheek

"slut."

he thusts slowly letting me catch my breath before he speeds up and fucks me harder, im just a hole for him to fill up whenever he likes.

"fuck your so tiny but take dick so good" he says between moans

my eyes rolling to the back of my head, my limbs numb. i wraps my legs around him nearly too weak to hold them there, as he lets out his final groan and cums deep inside my pussy

he flops down beside me turns my face towards his and kisses me softly on the lips

"your such a good girl for me"

i blush and smile as i catch my breath and he kisses me softly again

now any time our friends leave the room and its left just us he uses me as he pleases, im his cock sleeve and i like it that way.

[444-athena]

The sun and the stars:

warnings: death (if any are missed please tell me!)

"Why did you become so close to your best friend's boyfriend after she died" I couldn't let him go. Not when he was the last thing of her that was left in the world, except myself. Becuase he was hurt in exactly the same way that I was. He was the only one who knew how bad it was. Both of us were missing a burning sun in our lives. She is the best thing to have ever happened to me; is, not was. Because, even though she might not be here anymore, her impact on me continues, shaping me into a better person with every memory i hold onto.

Him and I are just two stars stood together mourning the explosion of our sun. Two stars that can never shine as bright, but when faced with complete and total darkness seem to be just as bold anyway.

Sometimes even just looking at him is painful. His face reminds me of memories, of sunshine, of laughter, of dumb decisions, of staying up late and just talking about anything we could.  Things he says, sound like he's taken the words right out of her mouth and is just echoing them back for me to hear one more time. When its raining and he laughs like a child, she's there giggling and dancing along with him; when theres a loud car and he stops to look, she's there staring with the same awestruck face.

He reminds me of her. And sometimes it's almost too much to handle. Looking at him and seeing the other half of my heart, that's now cold and dead. Six foot underground, left to rot.

But I can't let go. Not when letting go risks forgetting all of the times I had with her. Not when letting go means letting go of the last part of what feels like the other half of me. Fuck, I've not felt whole since that night. Nothing I do seems to fill the gap she left. None of the bad decisions, the bad habbits, the running away from life, could fix the hole permanently burned into the centre of my chest, where a beating heart once lay.

Why her? Why was it her time that had to come to an end? She did nothing to deserve this. And what did I do to have to go through the pain of mourning someone who was supposed to be with me until the end? We were supposed to grow grey together, laugh in our sixties at old memories of dumb things we did as teens, but thats all she had, her teens. Permanently sixteen, never growing, never changing. She'll never laugh at sixty, or grow grey. She'll always be the young girl, with bright blue eyes and long brown hair, always laughing and smiling. The girl who was taken way too soon. If I am a star, I feel like I'm collapsing in on myself, being destroyed from the inside out until all that's left is a black void, trying to consume everything in its path.

I can't let myself get to that stage. If not for her, then for him. If I were to become a black hole, destroying anything close to me, what would he become? Collateral damage, in the wake of a tragedy that ended up as a massive fucked up game of dominos?

So we keep going. We survive as a promise to each other. We already lost her, we cant lose each other too. We're two broken pieces of a jigsaw that will never be completed, the final piece being lost, but maybe we can heal. Never fully, never forgetting the sun who used to warm our lives, but enough. Enough so we can live, instead of survive. So we can tell stories of the past with smiles instead of tears. When we can look back fondly, remembering her and loving her still, her absence might not always feel like it's slowly killing us both.

We'll never be warm, but maybe we can get some blankets and heaters, and live through the death of our sun. We might not be freezing forever.

Maybe one day, when we grow old and grey, we'll be healed enough to laugh about the past, fondly reminiscing on times long gone, and think 'we had a good life'.

Maybe one day I'll be able to look at the colour violet, or see a butterfly and smile. I'll never forget my best friend. But fuck, this hurts.

Does it ever stop hurting? Can I survive this? As a promise to both of them, I'll try my hardest, I'll live through each day, remembering her, always loving her, but never feeling whole like I did at sixteen. When the other half of my soul was forcibly taken away from me.

Life is cruel, and fate has favourites. I know I'm not one of them, but maybe she'll be kind soon, and let me see her once again.

[joelletwo]

cuzzzzzz. [can i rally to get thru writing this.] time war duo really approaches Learning Desire. in a way backwards. when placed in the miss carson framework. they are Already unanchored from time they already exist in every Then which frees them from any painful Now. they even physically as a people have no needs and no fixed-point traits they are ALL metaphor-to-fill-the-necessary-hole in every timeline.

to be. literally. infected with need. to have essentially done it to themselves-each-other by choice. and for that to manifest as entirely physical material desires (consumption and such psychosexual but very literal promises). is soooooo fun. its very human its very The Universal Hole!!!!!.

[cant get deeply into this one] its also OF COURSE. the pit of things. their two sides are not that very different but they each only exist bc they have the other to differentiate them (ew. hegel). same with the individuals. with according combatting drives of endless conflict to stay individuated 🤝 longing for and reaching for a way to connect, more, totally, which would wipe out identity if their very literal desire promises let them actually find the vanishing point of desire. the beautiful ourobotic mitotic 1-2-3 step of existing. OF COURSE

[martyrbat]

when i briefly mention cults i want to make it absolutely clear i mean literal cults. like not just extremist churches that are harmful and manipulative in their own way (although got that experience too) but like.

(general cult talk under cut)

going on ‘retreats’ since youre a child where members of your church would plan with your parents on a time to ‘abduct from your house because youre never prepared to be a testimony for god. literally being driven for hours until lost in a bus where they had the windows darkened in the back so it made it difficult to see especially with the rural surrounding. no phone service if you had a phone. where they would wake you up every half hour for a week or two (or a month if it was a summer) and had no clocks. being led to hike miles in the dark and mud as its 30 degrees and then shoving you in a rope maze in the middle of the woods for you to try and get through until sunrise and how it was a message about needing the light (god) or else you'll be trapped in darkness and that'll take you to hell. they emotionally berate you to give confessions and you had to list your sins outloud repeatedly over and over and then stand there as people tell you how youre a failure and disgrace. but no worries! jesus will fix that as long as you devote your life and happiness to him because your time on the earth has to be miserable to prove your dedication to the heavens and to get your crown of jewels.

i was “homeschooled” to be isolated further and because we couldn't afford the one public school, the people in the cult(s) were the only people i knew and got to see and several of them killed themselves and then the cult would spend a hour praying God has mercy but knowing prayers are not gods will and that our pleads for mercy are meaningless because they're in hell. my priest gave me modern study bibles with underlines on homosexuality said its disgusting and a sin and that suicidal people are weak and god is disappointed and how selfish it is because you're questioning gods judgement in creating you since the moment youre created, you are covered in the blood of sin and your life is a debt you will never pay off.

they would teach things that werent in the bible and if you said that's not true/the verses dont say that then you got belittled for being stupid and not understanding and gaslit to believe you cant trust your own judgement or thoughts because theyre always wrong or misguided. youre told you're empty and hollow without god and to purge yourself from your “sin” so that you can be a vessel for him while sobbing at the thought of what happens if god purges him from you because what will remain? youre empty without holiness but youre repeatedly taught you arent capable of being holy—what will fill the hole that is your self without this god and religion??

and again, i live in a VERY isolated area where we don't have buses or stores or anything. outside of this cult and self hatred and this god that needs you to be hollow for it to deem you worthy—there literally is nothing else. its isolating, its encouraging self hatred and misery to deem your worth, its dangerous as a disabled queer. I have never had a physical in person friendship but ive had more than 5 adults tell me how they would kill me in detail. i dont have family i can talk to. i dont have friends around me. i convinced my mother for me to stop going to the church in about 2019 or so because for a long time i would attend despite not believing in that shit purely because it was the only way i could get out of my extremely abusive household until it became too dangerous there too where i thought it would be SAFER to be in a house where a gun is pointed to my head every few months.

like i make jokes because lolz religious trauma ammirite! and its not a big sensitive topic despite... trauma. but like... when i say i was raised in cults i literally mean fucking cults LMAO

[hirokiyuu]

17, 18, 19?

17. talk about your writing and editing process

that of an insane person quite frankly. a pef chapter is the worst bc it ltierally goes like:

write the chapter while alm is making edits concurrently whenever i ask to make sure it obth a) makes sense w/whats been written adn b) Sounds Good also > finish writing it and start on my own personal edits > get alm to do their own last edits > fix up things > send to stella (hi) who does edits > do more edits > send to abble for proofreading > FIX THINGS....... and between each of htese three ppl im using doing my own edits as well. i have a disease

for the writing part specifically tho its usually like. write whatevers sexiest while jumping around and then fill in the rest w/as little as i can (this is not a joke) (if its not interesting to me why would it be interesting to the reader)

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

He’d looked for her, just before he left. She’d been up on the walls for guard duty, the way she’d been every single Glow since the Helio landed, and when she saw him looking up at her she’d smiled. It’d hidden the bags under her eyes, the ones that had started to emerge after her birthday the year previous and never quite gone away, and as always the warmth of it had dizzied him. 

She’d leaned over the fence with a wave, mouth open as if to shout down, when one of the other guards -- someone from the Helio Dys hadn’t known the name of -- had said something, and she’d paused, sighed, and gave him another little wave instead before straightening back up. That night she’d sent him a message: Sorry abt earlier!!! Miss hanging out w/you but you know how glow is x___x Let’s catch up in quiet, ok? We can head out to the ridges and I can finally tell you abt the crazy thing Marz n I have been workin on for months lol

He’d stared at it a long time, his throat weird and tight. He could hear it in her voice, the lilting cadence of it, and he’d been wanting to talk to her for what felt like an eternity, but since Vertumnalia she’d been running all over the colony without a single break, looking more and more haggard every time he saw her. The only times he’d ever seen her relax had been when she’d been with her stupid boyfriend, who never flinched away when she tried to kiss him and in fact usually kissed her first, a smile on her face whenever he did.

A part of him had wanted to text her back. It would’ve been so easy, a quick little sure and then he could’ve gone back to his bunk, crawled into bed and lain there for days until the suns began to rise again, until he could walk once more by her side and listened, aching, to her laugh.

He hadn’t. Instead he’d set the bomb just like he’d promised, kneeling alone in the hiding hole the two of them had once passed their days together in. The place they’d once sat with their knees knocking, complaining about the colony and talking excitedly about aliens, the place that had once been their only escape from everyone else. The place he was going to turn to ash. The place he’d never see again.

some stuff from the dishsoap ridgefic confession id decided to axe in the end bc it didnt flow well enough but i did still like the concept wwww theres a LOT of cut stuff from this fic in general i wont lie

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

some of the shit ive been reading abt lately for the latest pef chapter has been. kinda out there. i cant actually say in words bc its technically spoielrs but part of it is solely to make sexier metaphors and part of it is goro being obnoxious on purpose