#and it makes me sad bc Im still angry about the things she said to me and how I let her treat me

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

[scekrex]

HIIIIII<33333333 i fucking love your Adam x reader fics ,im DYING to read more of them, so here is what we all love and crave

Adam x overlord reader. When reader found Adam after the battle, bringed him to his place with the garden etc, Adam lives here. Reader likes Adam and flirts with him often, trying to get closer to him. Adam, tho he would never admit it, likes reader back and plays along. Reader is also a very chill guy, so Adam feels surprisingly comfortable around him. He treats Adam as a equal person, not as some high-stated bitch who everyone need to bow to. As months pass, they are getting closer and closer, their relationship grow. But tho Adam likes reader alot, he still sometimes thinks about heaven, about Lute, about all he had left behind. Its not the same, down there. But this topic gets pushed aside whenever it pops up in his mind, cause he has his boyfriend(?) who loves him and gives him protection from all the sinners that want him dead. But deep inside Adam has that little hope that Heaven will send someone to get him back (tho they prob dont even know he is alive).

Meanwhile Lute was pleasing Sera to let her go down and look for Adam, who she belives is somehow alive. Sera eventually lets her and Lute comes down to hell and starts to look for Adam and ask everyone who she mets where he could be.

After these few months, once as the two enjoy spending evening together, they hear a ring to the door. They come out to that balcony and see Lute standing in the middle of the garden. She calls out to Adam to come back with her. Adam seems excited that his hope and his lieutant didnt let him down. But reader doesnt want to let Adam go. Adam complained from time to time that "what if heaven forgot about him and accepted the fact he is dead" And also reader knows Adams past from Eden. And suddenly reader switches from a chill guy to a serious manipulative persona. He starts to tell Adam things like "and it would take them so long to get you back? They dont really want you there", also mentioning how Lilith and Eve left him before, to hit Adams weak point. Adam, shocked by his bf suddenly mood switch and his serious harsh words, knowing how he have been acting in heaven, doesnt even realise the act of a fucking cruel, possesive manipulation and gives in, shouts at Lute to fuck off and he wont get back where nobody truly wants him. As they get back into the room, Adam from angry comes to sad and curles up into a broken, depressed ball of misery. Reader hugs him, gives him comfort, saying shit like "noone will hurt you anymore if you stay here with me" (still manipulation) while Adam totally breaks and starts to cry, feeling that he will never deserve a perfect live he was meant to have when God created him, that hes worthless and ruined himself

I need to see Adam switch right from his usuall confident, loud persona to a wet sopping cat, crying his eyes out in a sudden mental breakdown pls

You can change smth if smth bothers you, i know you will make it fucking fire as always i live for your writings<33333

I decided that this will not be part of the Bird of Hell's Paradise story bc that story is too soft and comfortable to add manipulation to. Reader is an overlord in this one, but it's not explicitly mentioned.

We'll be together, forever, we'll never ever part

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, kinda toxic behavior, manipulation

note: not beta read bc fuck you

Before Adam there had been loneliness and coldness, before Adam, there had been long nights and even longer days, before Adam there had been a lot of things and all of them were negative.

But having an angel roaming your halls certainly was not what you had planned for your life in Hell, but said angel definitely brightened your days - even though he was a - well let’s call him a special case. Adam wasn’t at all like the angels portrayed in stories, he was rude and harsh, respected no one but himself and the brunette loved to cause chaos on top of it all.

But to everyone’s surprise, the brunette angel settled in somewhat nicely once he realized that Heaven would not send their angels to bring him back, he even got used to having you around. Well, maybe the wording ‘he got used’ isn’t entirely fitting, Adam even enjoyed your company, sometimes he specifically requested it - when he was playing guitar for example. The first man was keeping you on your feet and moving at all times, that was for sure and if you were being honest, you didn’t mind it. It was a nice change from your boring, lonely life in Hell.

And even though Adam had everything he needed and wanted - you very obviously made sure that the angel never missed anything - you knew that he wasn’t doing as well with his new life in Hell as he pretended. Adam was a loud and cheerful guy, so when he went quiet for longer, of course you noticed. There was nothing you were capable of doing to help him through those times - he was simply homesick for Heaven. When things got really bad, you were even able to catch him praying before going to bed, praying to the creature he called father to bring him back, to send him Lute who would escort him back to Heaven, straight through the pearly gates without any complications - but that wasn’t happening. Every being had their reason to live in Hell, even Adam.

“Adam?” you asked with a soft voice, wrapping your arms around the first man’s torso from behind as you leaned your head against his shoulder blade. The man in your arms flinched at first, he had been lost in his thoughts and your touch caused him to snap right out of it. A slightly confused “Huh? fell from his lips before he looked over his shoulder to spot you. The confusion in his eyes was overplayed by an emotion you couldn’t name and the usual grin Adam somehow always managed to shoot in your direction laid on his lips. “Can’t get enough of me again, huh you shithead?” His words were teasing and not the slightest bit serious which caused you to chuckle softly. “You seemed lost,” you answered instead of agreeing with him, knowing damn well that his ego was already huge - bigger than Adam’s body.

Adam grumbled words you weren’t able to understand, then turned away and stepped away from the hug you had offered him. He didn’t want to talk about it - again. And that probably bothered you even more than the fact that he longed for Heaven’s pearly gates. You were fine with Adam having hopes and dreams, it’s not something you would be able to take from him, even if you wanted to, but he never talked about it. The only reason why you were aware of the Eden incident was because of the bible - Adam never talked about anything that involved his past, at least not about the negative things. What you did know was that he missed his band mates and playing gigs with them and that his lieutenant seemed to be a crazy bitch he liked a lot - not in a romantic way but rather in a platonic way, maybe he saw her as some sort of little sister, you weren’t sure.

You sighed as you watched Adam go. He needed time and you would not deny him that.

-

Lute was walking up and down in Sera’s office, explaining her detailed plan on how they would get Adam back - she hoped it would be quite easy because Adam never actively fell, he had never truly died. So technically there was still divine blood pumping through his body which would let him cross the pearly gates back home. Sera sighed at Lute’s idea, rested her head on her hands and watched as Adam’s former lieutenant never stopped walking.

“Lute,” she interrupted the exorcist who stopped in her tracks to look at the tall seraphim angel, Lute clearly had not expected Sera to interrupt her. “We can’t bring Adam back, he is gone,” she explained as the seraphim slowly got up from her chair and crossed the room to face Lute properly. The white haired woman was not having it though, she stood up for herself, “You’re wrong.”

-

It was only a few hours later that Lute flew through one of the shiny golden portals and landed right in front of your house. She knocked against the door quite loudly, even kicked and slammed her shoulder against it, “Adam!”

You turned your head as you heard an unfamiliar voice calling out for the person of your desire and watched as Adam rushed over to the balcony. What the fuck was going on and who was calling for your lover? You followed Adam with heavy steps. Once you stopped right next to the tall and loud angel you wrapped your arm around him as you looked down only to see a woman you had never seen before - she appeared to be an angel too and you instantly feared for the worst.

“Lute!” he yelled back and was about to jump off the balcony to get to her, but you stopped him by tightening the grip on his hips, a little confused he looked down at your hand, then his eyes met yours, “Y/N?” he asked quietly so his former lieutenant wouldn’t hear. You immediately knew you wanted him to stay with you, there really was no way you would ever let Adam leave again, not when he was very much able to stay with you for the rest of eternity. And it wasn’t that you weren’t aware of how wrong that seemed, but it had been long since the last little toy that brought you happiness and joy, so you would hold onto Adam for as long as possible.

You simply shook your head and pulled him a little closer against your side, “If they truly want you back, then why would it take them so long to come and get you?” That caused Adam to close his mouth and he seemed to genuinely think about your words - he came to the conclusion that you had a point.

“C’mon Sir,” Lute yelled up at the balcony where you and Adam stood, “We’re going home.” Unsure eyes roamed over your body and you could feel that Adam waited for you to say something, you were right after all, why would Heaven wait so awfully long to bring him back? The expression on your face was blank and your usually soft sounding voice turned bitter and cold, “She wants to take you from me, Adam. She wants to separate us like Lucifer separated you from your past wives.” And that caused Adam to freeze, he slowly backed away from the railing of the balcony. “Darling, she could have taken you back ages ago, yet she waited - for what though? She seems to be out for power and she realized that you are the only powerful thing she can possess and get away with at the same time, all while she can stay in Heaven,” you hummed as you backed off alongside Adam, slowly guiding the golden winged angel back inside.

“Fuck off, you can go back to crawling up Sera’s fucking ass, I ain’t coming with you, cunt,” the brunette in your arm yelled and flipped the smaller angel in your garden off. A victorious grin appeared on your lips, your plan was working out just fine.

The door to the balcony fell shut and you heard how Adam crashed down onto the couch, he laid there, face buried in the soft fabric it was covered in and his wings were tightly wrapped around his body to isolate him from his surroundings. He looked so miserable, so helpless, so lonely and you hated seeing the usually loud angel so quiet. Your voice softened a little as you sat down next to Adam, you had forced him to stay simply because you wanted him to stay, now the least you could do was to lure him into the thought of protection and a good, bright life.

“Hey now,” you mumbled quietly as your fingers combed through Adam’s soft brown and messy hair, pushing it out of his face - his face which was still pressed against the couch. Your other hand gently moved up and down Adam’s back and when you heard the brunette sigh, you knew you had him wrapped around your finger just fine. “Noone will hurt you, not if you continue to stay with me,” you hummed, the tone you spoke in remained soft and calming and when you saw how Adam lifted his head to look at you, your heart did shatter a little.

His eyes were red, slightly puffy and his lip was quivering. The first man moved his head from the couch to your lap, pressed his face tightly against your belly and cried - it was the first time he was showing so strong and overwhelming emotions. His nails dug into your sides as he held onto your waist to keep you close, to feel you under his hands and to keep you from leaving like everyone else did, he wanted you to stay just as much as he wanted to stay with you.

And the worst yet best part of it all was that the brunette hadn’t even noticed how manipulative your words were, let alone your soft, comforting actions. He was yours through and through and there was nothing in this world - Hellspawn or Heavenborn - that would ever separate you from the brunette man crying against your belly.

[cal-writes]

I feel like in a lot of your stories, your zoro exudes abandonment issues 🥲 Is that a conscious thing on your part? Or am I projecting lmao

I’m loving the little snippets of fic you post btw always brightens my day 😃

he does. it sorta happened subconsciously i think. im not sure if it started from my interpretation of his character in canon or from myself projecting lol

i think it might be a mixture of both like. the juxtaposition of zoro as a character who is very confident in exactly one area of himself and that is fighting and his strength. like zoro doesnt tend to get jealous until luffy implies someone might be stronger than him. i always think of something the youtube quinn curio said in a video about the umbrella academy talking about the character played by elliot page.

so i often read zoro as someone who thinks he needs to be the strongest so that has value or is allowed to be there

and another part i think is that zoro is a very lonely character. like we learn about kuina and that she died when she was 11 and that shook him so fundamentally that he's essentially living his life to fullfil that promise he made to her. we've seen koushiro and johnny and yosaku but they were very utilitarian. koushiro was his trainer, i dont think zoro ever mentioned him again since the flashback in like what chapter 5? and johnny and yosaku were a good way to bring arlongs bounty up and show the necessity of having a cook on board. sure they care of zoro and he cares about them but there isnt the sense that they are particulary close. zoro doesn't have a family like nami, or someone who seems to have raised him like family like luffy and sanji. if we take movie canon into it as well he'd have another friend from the doji similarly to kuina who he later thought had died due to him not being strong enough

and even now in the more recent manga chapters we see it implied twice that zoro is "a burden" on his crew, both from an antagonist but then also from a crew member. and unlike when sanji and zoro usually bicker, zoro doesnt respond. we have a panel of him flinching about the comment before he grits his teeth and continues.

addtionally during water seven when everyone is falling apart bc of whats going on he's not allowing himself to be vulnerable. we dont see him miserable or angry or sad because he sees his duty as having to hold it together and make sure everyone gets through this. like zoro was just as affected by merry's fate as everyone else but he couldn't show that (or he felt like he couldnt). its an incredibly isolating experience.

there is that manga panel which i might be misinterpreting bc the speech bubbles make it hard to tell who is actually saying it

like "huh you saved me" like he's surprised someone would do that.

but even if in that panel its not zoro saying it we still see himself punishing himself after getting injured in a fight even if he ultimately won. after little garden he trains until his feet bleed again, after the fight with mr one not only does he carry nami around for hours and gets shot while injured already he doesnt let himself recover, and then of course after thriller bark.

i always get the sense that zoro puts an enormous amount of pressure on himself as if he has to justify being there and has huge expectations for himself that he needs to meet.

and not to forget that on shabaody, he had no idea what happened to everyone else. he was the first to leave and for all he knew until they got the message from luffy, everyone died bc he was injured. i think that definitely festered.

like (its probably not that deep but you are reading this so far so youre in too deep now)

i thought it was curious. that zoro is the first one back. that he asked perona for help to find the way. as if he was worried. that if he came to late they wouldn't wait. so he made sure he was the best, the fastes, the first. he made sure to show off his new skills immediately. tried to show them off to luffy immediately despite it being a dumb idea to cut their bubble underwater.

so anyway yea i do end up writing zoro as someone who has abandonment issues tied in with his self esteem issues.

[xoxojisu]

so im reading the demon slayer manga now bc it was alr spoiled for me so i figured why wait for the movies just read it so now im reading and @suniix was SO RIGHT. SOBBINGGGGGGG. manga spoilers below

kanao :(((( sweet girl is finally crying :(((( i love that she went "i am kanao tsuyuri. younger sister of kanae kocho and shinobu kocho." LIKE YESSSS TELL HIMMMM. anyways absolutely sobbing i am destroyed. dead now kill me now. shinobu popped off for dying so nobly and avenging kanae. samesies for kanao now go marry tanjiro. either way it was so meaningful how they all got the revenge they wanted <33 TAKE THAT DOUMA.

akaza's love story was so unexpectedly sweet? his story was lowk so cliche but i absolutely ADORED it nonetheless. not much to say there bc i have no complaints :) very sweet and very vanilla-ish

GENYA AND MUICHIRO NOOOOO 😭😭 sweet babies did not deserve to die. but at least they helped take down upper one so they kinda ate w that!! muichiro is one of my fav charas ever so im super devastated abt him like no baby no! and OMG SANEMI AND GENYAAAAA. i always knew that sanemi still loved him and didnt forget anything and all but seeing him say it was so touching. he just wanted him to live a good life with a wife and kids :(( (bruh why didnt he just say that then...) but still hes so sweetie!! i love angry sanemi sm its so funny i liked how it was like "you should live a goddamn good life with a goddamn wife and goddamn kids goddamnit!!" like hes so unintentionally funny 😭 elaborating further on their deaths, 1. muichiro. THE SCENE WITH YUICHIROOOOO. bruh why did he have to die. he was 14. nOOOJEREIUIUAI MY BABYYYYYYYYY. anyways he went out with a bang 10/10. 2. genya!! literally sobbed seeing his final words and sanemi's reaction. wish that he could've lived so they could've had happy brotherly moments :(( his final moments were so sweet and emotionallll 10/10 super sweetie pie and i like his gun

yoriichi is so sweetie pie. i love him 10/10 super cool super genius super caring super slay literally created breathing forms. unfortunately dying standing up and one breath away from killing one of the biggest opps ever was not very sigma but i can overlook it for everything else hes done. (brainrot is taking over my brain) his love story with uta is so sweet. he never loved anyone else. just her. and she understood him like nobody else did im sobbing. so sweet i cannot 😭😭 they completed each other!! its so interesting to see how differently yoriichi and koku perceived their situation. just goes to show you that life is what you make of it, and you may not know as much as you think you do about certain people. dont make assumptions! just love others <3

obanai backstory is so sad :(( i always wondered why he wore the bandages and now ik. sweet sweet boy. also OBAMITSU IS MY LITERAL EVERYTHING. THEY ARE SO PERF TOGETHER LIKE THEY ARE ACTUAL PERFECTION. RAHHHHHHH

bro tamayo is so smart. FOUR DRUGS?! in THAT AMT OF TIME?!?! goddamn girl rly popped off! also how can muzan like freaking summon their souls to come back like how tf does that even work. whaaaaaat.

well ig the person who spoiled 4 deaths for me neglected to say HIMEJIMAAAAAAUR. NAAAAUURURRURURRUR COME BACKKKKKKKKKKK. but im glad that he got to see his temple fam and stuff and they apologized to him and explained everything. sweetie pieeeee :((

okay so when i said "go marry tanjiro" to kanao i was like half joking BUT LIKE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?!?!?! YESSSSSS. and then there's uh. nezuko and zenitsu. uh. (hes not good enough for her im sorry i just never liked him that much even tho he was funny) also inosuke and aoi wasn't toooootally random but like it kinda was. i lowk thought aoi and zenitsu would end up tg. idk what i thought would happen to nezuko's love life but i thought the whole zenitsu thing was just a giant joke but it actually ended up working out. oh im curious as to who sanemi and giyu had children with also. (me guys. it was me.)

and im just so emotionally scarred. genuinely dont think i can recover from that wtf. i still cant believe they all died. goodnight.

[hidden-poet]

0/10 Edmund should have come back to life, rescued us from the capitol, killed snow and taken us back to district 12 🙄.

Jk jk that was so good 😭 it makes me so sad though because she was never going to have a good ending, even right from the start snow was never going to give up. And yet my heart still broke as I read this.

Just little things like how she lies on the grass even when they bring her a picnic blanket is just 😭😭 she just misses home so much IM CRYING NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

this was so well written and I was so angry like I just wanted a happy ending for our girl 😭 Yk I’ve never read a snow fic where snow doesn’t win.

I’ll have to read again when I have the emotional capacity and I’m sure I’ll notice more. But when you get the supply closet scene and it’s just a reminder that he will NEVER change and her words have never and will never mean anything to him :(( and she just has to accept it.

when she’s talking about how he hasn’t hit her in years but she’s sure it’s just because she’s always either pregnant or with one of the babies 😭😭😭😭 you broke my heart. Our poor girl. She’s forever scared of him. when she steps back from him bc she thinks he’s going to hurt her for asking to see her family even right after birth. CRYING.

He was so much worse in this part than any other imo. The manipulation. and here we (me) were thinking he would calm the fuck down once he had her in the capitol 😭.

omfg when he says he “had” to name the baby without her 🙄 boy you’re the president you know full well you could have waited for her.

The BJ scene made me laugh though. He is just a man 😂.

This man makes me SICK 😭 I know what I get into with fics with PRESIDENT SNOW like I said they never end with reader having any semblance of independence.

thank you for this masterpiece. I will be out of action crying for the next week. As an Edmund stan I’m still hurt 🥲. They *should* have been his babies.

long time anon with my long messages but thought I’d not this time since if I could leave a comment this long on the actual post I would have <3

snow lands on top, unfortunately

Thank you! thank you! thank you!

I like to think that the end is a nice compromise for the reader and Coriolanus.

Coriolanus got to 're-write history' like he wanted. He is finally living the life he thought was owed to him before the war. I really did try and paint him as someone who wasn't a bad person inherently, but has learnt to only feel safe if he has total control over everything.

The base line for his character was the line "He wasn’t a violent man, only a man capable of violence". he wants nice things, and power, and to feel unconditionally loved. He's not above using violence to get them.

And the reader got a life where she never had to worry about her children. The reader was very maternal, but if you remembered back to chapter 3 (i think) she talks about being worried about raising them in the district, and what that would mean for them.

I like to think she was generally happy in later life with her kids. She got to experience the luxury of the Capitol, and got to give her children the best life out of everyone in Panem.

While it is sad she never got to see her family again, as someone who has children very dear to her in her life, i would trade anything for their comfort and protection.

Coriolanus was a good father, and a tyrant husband. I think she could appreciate him in relation to fatherhood. Maybe, even warm to him as the father of her children. But in her heart, he will always be commander Snow to her, and that's put a road block on development of their relationship.

Thank you so much for coming along the journey with me.

I hope to create something else that you can invest in just as much.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[stardustdiiving]

Hi!! Hello!! I've just been passively listening to your blog for a bit and I just have to say. auauua you actually giving Nahida the spotlight she deserves is so refreshing! I love Wanderer in all his forms, but the lack of character studies/general brainworms about Nahida is so sad to me D: She's an archon!! You'd think people would talk about her more in the general fandom... Idk, personally, she's a pretty relatable character in the way of having to become an adult for the people around her (in her case, becoming a knowledgeable god despite having the mind of a child for the sages) like!! She is smart, but she is a KID. Haven't a fair number of people experienced that? And justifying the behavior too- like I (personally) think that Nahida tries to make the horrendous behavior of generations of sages seem Less Bad bc 'oh, they were probably so lost without the Greater Lord.. and I wasn't what they were looking for' Because admitting that you were hurt for a reason that was entirely NOT YOUR FAULT actually feels Really Bad. LOCAL BABY GOD IS RELATABLE TO THE MASSES!! (Could be a bad take, I do need to rewatch the Sumeru quests.. it's been so long.. my little guys..) BEFORE I GET TOO SIDETRACKED UH. yeah. Thank you for the Radish Thoughts they are really really appreciated by someone who also thinks Nahida is Pretty Neat!

WTF UR GONNA MAKE ME CRY IM SO GLAD. I love Nahida I’m glad it resonates. Tbh i think that take isn’t bad at all bc I actually also had a similar interpretation of her downplaying her neglect in the same way she downplays her worth as an Archon bc obviously there’s overlap between the two

Assortment of screenshots I feel go along with this , starting with how the Sages’ treatment of her is discussed textually:

When we learn she’s being imprisoned for the first time in the AQ, Nahida’s response is quite literally her justifying why the Sages’ decision makes “rational” sense because (like u said!) she’s not Rukkhadevata and by extension isn’t a “real enough archon”

Nahida internalizes the “my existence has little meaning” to the point she justifies beating herself up as an inferior archon over Dunyazard’s presumed death as “rationally observing the distance between herself and a real archon”:

And also the first thing she does when we set her free is apologize for letting the Sages neglect her. We also get her basically saying she was never angry about what was done to her until she was being rescued:

She goes onto say she’s going to punish the sages harshly, but then it’s noted by multiple characters they think she wasn’t harsh enough with her punishment. Which is a haha aww Nahida doesn’t have it in her to be harsh. But it’s also like haha aww. Nahida doesn’t have it in her to be harsh even to the people who dehumanized her and kept her in a cage for generations Zjsjmxkxjnsj

Nahida as a person seems to be someone who clings to a sense of personal control , my main reasoning for this is it’s directly stated in her character stories the reason she gives up her Gnosis to Dottore for information would be to have more knowledge and therefore control over a situation:

With one Gnosis still in her hands, Nahida could not help but hesitate. She barely knew more about the Gnoses than she knew the "truth" of the world. […] Shaking hands in bargain means an equal compromise for both sides, a far cry from any victory. On the other hand, turning down the bargain indicates a certain type of "ignorance," which, obviously, would more easily invite a loss of control. Thus did the "God of Wisdom" instantly find her answer...

So her rationalizing her own neglect or Anything Bad That Is Done to Her to me is a way of asserting a sense of control over her situation when she has none, just as u said!

[haemosexuality]

i blocked her so i can talk about this here now. in 2022 i became friends w someone from here and at least to me we were really good friends since tho there was some personality differences that kept chafing. also ive been really depressed especially this past year or so and i was not my best self i was not as reliable of a friend as i shouldve been. that made it worst. i (not on purpose) made her really upset over a thing (theres a lot of context to explain and i dont wanna type all of that rn) and didnt immediately acknowledge it bc i was busy (out with family all day) and then she ghosted me. we were friends for almost 2 years and she just ghosted me. and i dont, want to diminish her feelings in any way but from my pov i dont think it was that bad? that it warranted that? its been two months so i sent her a text saying i wish her well and then blocked her on whatsapp and on here. because i dont really want to hear what she has to say at this point (because she ghosted me for two months and i had no indication that would change). but im still sad. im really sad. ive been trying to not think about it because i dont want to break too hard but, man. she was my best friend for almost two years, we had kind of concrete plans to meet this year when/if i go to the us, i really cared about her even if i was horrible at showing it. another friend of mine is of the opinion that i wasnt in the wrong and am better off without her but i dont think so. i feel really bad. i hope shes doing ok. half of me thinks i deserve better than someone that ghosts me the other half thinks its exactly what i deserve for being such a dick friend and idk which to listen to. i dont want to hear anything she has to say but i also wish shed just say anything at all, even if she just cursed me off and blocked me

a lot of the stuff outside of my control that kept causing problem in our friendship was resolved like, in the first two weeks of her ghosting me. if theyd been resolved just a week earlier we probably would still be talking. i dont feel like i deserve any of it. not the meds, not the laptop, nothing. i know i was in a really bad depressive episode, i know how depression works but couldnt i have tried harder? and even outside of that, i cant just use depression to excuse my lack of communicating and all the promises i wasnt keeping, nothing was stopping me from being more honest except my own guilt. she didnt deserve that. its kind of devastating to have a friendship end so suddenly like this. i really really miss her. i havent blocked her on discord in case she does want to reach out even tho i know blocking her on whatsapp (the main place we talked) sends a big "never speak to me again" message. im good at repressing emotions but whenever i think about it too much i want to tear my organs out

i didnt even consider the idea of being angry or upset at her until over a month has passed. i was venting to another friend and she said that ghosting me was a shitty thing to do and the way she treated me before wasn't ok. i genuinely hadnt felt anything other than "im such a horrible person and a fuck up, i hope she can forgive me but i understand if she cant'' at that point and idk if it was just lack of self respect or if i really was super in the wrong and my other friend just couldnt grasp that from my pov of things. i dont know. i have more to say but talking about this very in depth for pretty much the first time is making me want to throw up so im going to stop writing

[swiftfootedachilles]

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

[bisluthq]

I think we can definitely apply the song to matty and im sure she does given her explanation, but it doesn't really fit what we know about tatty 1.0.

Like, they had a thing back then but it didn't really work because matty didn't really take it seriously and it was only alright and cute to reminisce in 2022 because they didn't DIE from how out of control they were.

no one is wrong, she left very pointed indicators when a song is about 100% Joe and when a song is 100% about matty, so to ME, when they aren't there, it means mixed muse.

i don't see what ppl see when they say loml is about both at all, it doesnt even make sense for it to be about joe, but I get it for My Boy.

(And Peter. To me is so clearly a love letter to joe and matty's younger versions. Like, there're references to both Peter Pevensie and Peter Pan, bc she's writing to say goodbye to both. She's gonna grow up and leave fantasy land for them)

see, bestie you and I agree 100%. I agree that loml is pure Matty, I think MBOBHFT could be about both/either/just sad gurl vibes in general. Peter, to me, reads being pretty much about Matty because of all the “you said you were gonna grow up then you’ll come find me” stuff but I guess I can see how it can apply to Joe a bit too in terms of “we did the best that we could” (which idk if she usually seems to think Matty did because she generally is very angry with how that all played out). It could also be a mixed muse song or a vibes song I suppose, yeah. It’s certainly got a stronger Joe vibe than loml or The Black Dog to me and it’s certainly far more Matty than HDIE or SLL (or fwiw I Hate It Here which to me does read as being at least somewhat directly about Joe and the poet in the body of a finance guy is, to me, still a pretty direct diss of yk Joe).

[yuukei-yikes]

That post str Harutaka angst hurts my heart a little but I do want it

HEH. CONFLICT IS SO FUN OKAY. haruka and takane get along too well i need a little something to have fun with.... also thank u for sending this im totally using it as an excuse to talk about it. i went crazy in this ask sorry

ok. i KNOW forward by winterhats exists...... and thank god it does 🙏in case u havent read it erm read it. thats like harutaka content 101... not to spoil stuff but something about haruka not telling takane abt his condition Does take place in that fic. but the thing with that fic is haruka has no memories.... (post str no memory haruka is a concept i was never a fan of bc it doesnt rly make sense to me?? Still love forward though🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏) SO IM THINKING OF a canon situation with haruka remembering fine yknow...

logically i think takane would be sad rather than angry once finding out. also she'd hear it from shintaro who is the only one who knew, aside from kenjirou but he's x_x post str💔 so shintaro it is. also it's such a shintaro thing to do isnt it?? accidentally mention it to takane or assume she knew and realise he messed up like, way too late. like he already said it like 5 times before he realised takane is asking him to repeat it so many times precisely because SHE DIDN'T KNOW

like i said i think its kinda a fragile thing because God its so sad. how could u even get mad at someone for choosing not to say they're dying. so yeah logically takane Would be mostly sad about both the sad reality haruka was living AND how she wasn't told, because to her it means haruka didnt trust her or maybe felt he couldnt count on her.

im abt to overanalyse: personally from a writing point of view i think the reason haruka doesnt tell takane is because headphone actor was already written and the narrative where takane doesnt know was already there. haruka's 1 year to live thing was written a lot after, with over the dimension. but besides that: from a character standpoint, of course haruka wouldn't tell takane. she is the last person he wants to worry and the one he wants the most happy memories with. and something important about haruka and takane's relationship is the fact neither knows much about each others conditions. in both their povs upon introducing each other to the audience, they both explain their illnesses briefly. they both say "i havent asked much". to me its always been about haruka and takane deeply relating to each other about people feeling sorry for them. so they dont owe each other the explanations theyre so used to giving to others! so to me, haruka doesnt tell takane because 1.he doesnt want her to worry more than she already does 2.he wants to have happy memories of her 3. related to that, doesnt want her to look at him differently. she is the one person who gets it. if he were to come clean abt it, he'd lose it. besides, haruka tells shintaro by the time he's like. LOSING HIS MIND and really deeply depressed abt the situation. kenjirou also knows... but haruka's father could've told him since its mentioned they used to be colleagues. personally i think haruka told him himself, since he also mentions kenjirou is the only adult he's ok sharing stuff with, so in a way its implied if ur delusional like me.

erm. anyways. i got a little sidetrack IM GONNA GET TO IT OKAY its just, haruka's dying words for takane man. don't cry anymore, you're gonna meet so many new people, etc. he basically tells her he is just 1 person in the long long life he assumes she will have. theyre best friends, he knew takane would mourn him terribly and thats why he thinks all that stuff he cant actually tell her.. augh haruka's goodbye to takane always gets me so so badly. bc he KNEW... like, ene lives in so much regret for not telling haruka how she felt but haruka died knowing she loved him. even if he didnt know it was romantic, he still knew she loved him :( i was going somewhere with this. (pacing around my room) oh yeah. his dying words. haruka doesn't convey all this to takane while he has the chance because of the stuff i said before but the most important was number 3. he doesnt want takane to look at him differently. plus everything he says while he is dying... god id post the whole screenshot. but he says "dont get mad at anyone but me" "please dont cry anymore" "im so sorry youve given me so much and i couldnt give back" he... doesn't Want to see takane upset. he knows she will be upset anyway but its like. at least he wont be around to see it, in a way. we could see this as kind of selfish but like The guy's dying come ON. i think he has the right to do that. lol.

WELLLL COMING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL APPROACH LMAO.. takane finding out post str....... i went on that tangent to defend haruka precisely cuz i dont think takane would be genuinely mad. its a tricky situation and its not like she can be like WELL BUT U KNEW AND U DIDNT WARN ME!?!?!?!? Like THAT IS a pretty lame position to take. HOWEVER. CONFLICT (PUTS HANDS DOWN) i think takane just needs to be mad

WHILE TAKANE WOULD BE MORE UPSET THAN MAD she IS also super impulsive. like insanely impulsive <- finds out she loves haruka and immediately runs for it even if it terrified her. so in the spur of the moment she blows up on haruka about it LOL like as SOON as she finds out. like i imagine she probably hears it from shintaro and like immediately leaves mid conversation to go find haruka and yell at him. that kind of thing.

and haruka's all like 😨😨😨 and he's stuttering cuz HE HAS AN ANSWER ABT WHY HE DIDNT TELL HER IT JUST SOUNDS RLY BAD LIKE "ERM I DIDNT WANT TO SEE U UPSET❤️" like in over the dimension haruka does get pretty nervous when takane starts pressing even if its as a joke. so especially with something so sensitive he has no idea what to do. i think he'd try to be all composed though bc its Post Str and idk str haruka is so. ethereal he is so calm isn't he. i think he would get nervous initially and then get himself together but ends up coming off as dismissive. so hes like i didnt tell you.....because i didnt want to❤️ and takane probably just needed to be mad for a little bit and was gonna get over it and be sad but hearing that just makes her so damn upset for realsies and haruka notices how she changed from😡 to 😐 and hes immediately like oh takane.... no... i didnt mean it like that...i just mean...OH DONT MAKE THAT FACE I DIDNT MEAN IT... and takane's like NOO DONT TOUCH ME WHATEVER IM LEAVINGGG unnecessary conflict in a romcom vibes

conflict probably lasts like. a day or something. a week tops. its harder for haruka than for takane. takane finds it a little refreshing i think its also cool to link it to all the other headcanons abt haruka being super desperate to be in company because erm Daze confinement gang🙏💥 while takane's a little like. i havent had a minute to myself in 11 days. so this distance actually helps her a little while haruka is like Hour 5 without my girlfriend I've cried so much i cant see anymore

they both feel like shit and do spend the time trying to see the situation from each other's perspectives though so takane realises she's being self centered and stupid and admits she just wanted to be angry and took it out on the first thing she could grasp at. but it was unfair. takane will apologize first and probably tells him she doesn't need or want him to "protect" her feelings and wants him to count on her from now onward. haruka's like *nod nod nod nod nod nod* and thanks her for apologizing. hed try to also apologize but takane doesnt accept it bc he wasnt wrong it was her who was unfair. hehe. i think he'd be crying so hard too bc to him its all these feelings coming back abt how he felt when he died and all the things he thought of telling her then. maybe he would tell her abt it, like i was thinking about all the people you'd meet and how u should be happy and not cry for me. and how in disbelief he still is that theyre together. sorry im. auauggagaggsgsggqgggg

all this just for me 2 enjoy the mental image of the little time in between where theyre awkward around each other and takane wants a little distance for a bit. i think itd be funny to see haruka being totally pathetic abt takane not paying attention to him. anyways. yeah. something like that i guess

[strwffy]

i’m really angry at everything and anything lately. it’s just all political stuff, and self stuff ig

i had a friend, who isn’t my friend anymore since i unfriend her. for political views and such.

first of all, for some contexts:

a couple of years ago, 2019, i think? i came out as pansexual on twitter and also to my close friends only, and my sister. today, idk if i define myself as pansexual anymore, im more like, hey i’m queer.

i’m, today, questioning a lot of things. i wonder if i could be asexual, but also, i’m questioning my gender identity.

that friend i had, i knew her for 5 years. met in college and all. we had the same views politically, and just on everything tbh. i can’t be friends with people who don’t share the same political views, especially if it’s about human rights and all. so yeah, i did came out to her, at the time about me being pansexual. she was very supportive. in her discourse through the years, she even was a trans ally.

but, more than a month ago we met and she basically told me she was transphobic (she didn’t use that term tho) and that she is a gender critical.

i was very shocked by her sayings, and she said that she wanted to tell me because she knew that subject was important to me. i’m not gonna lie, i wanted to cry in front of her at some point, bc hearing her just hurt.

after 2 hours of honest debate, she said that we should keep on with our day bc we aren’t agreeing but that she wanted me to know. i told her that i was shocked and that it was very transphobic.

i came back home, thinking about that conversation for a month. and, i guess i was very naive. i thought that if she change her mind maybe i can debate more and she could actually understand, yk?

so, i made some research to debunk every shitty and fake things my "friend" said, and i linked her everything and blabla, it took me like a week of full reading on the subject and all. i was mentally very tired tbh. i sent my message, and we didn’t even debate since she didn’t want to lol.

to make it "short", she didn’t want to debate bc she won’t change her mind. and that she felt sorry if she hurt me with her words when we met. but that she still want to be friends and that she thinks we could actually stay friends.

it’s funny, because years ago i went to a shop to buy a book about trans identity and gender identity, when i was with her. she didn’t question it, and i didn’t say anything. i just felt like i could buy these stuff without explaining or whatever because it WAS a safe place to me. because i thought she was safe.

so, during my confrontation with her, i told her about me questioning my gender identity, about how i trusted her. about how could i be friend with her when she is against trans people, isn’t an ally, and also how can she be friend with me if one day i do a coming out.

it really hurt to read her saying that, she kinda knew i was questioning my gender identy, because at that moment, reading all her bullshit, i knew she just wouldn’t see me for who i am if i ever came out as non binary or anything actually.

so yeah, i am not sad about unfriending her actually, but i’m just really, really fucking mad since then and i can’t get away of that feeling. and now, while questioning my gender identity, i keep hearing her voice saying shitty things, and it hurts, it’s very hard.

[johnslittlespoon]

https://www.tumblr.com/hogans-heroes/746685005077544960/the-most-powerful-one-so-far-im-crying

Have you seen this buckbucky edit yet?

BIG OL' MISCELLANEOUS ASK POST!!

1) UNFORTUNATELY (said with love). that edit made me cry like a mf, my soul is too soft for those two to stay dry eyed through stuff like that. but god it was BEAUTIFUL.

2) ohh 100000%. it's in my post–war buckbucky playlist, it fits john's pov so well. it's so angsty, working through mental health issues in the aftermath, learning how to communicate with gale and ask for help when he needs it, just wanting to be by his side 24/7 but feeling undeserving of his love and also being afraid of how much he loves him and how much gale loves him back </3

3) omg no don't be sorry!! i am someone who listens to a little bit of everythinggg don't sweat it. i gave it a listen and YOWCH that hurt wtf?? it does fit bucky in that time so well, our poor sweet boy. :( also i still feel so bad that my only curtbucky fic is an mcd angst one LOL i need to fix that soon <3

4) another one i hadn't heard but nooo it absolutely is. all the angsty pine–y songs fit him so perfectly </3 he just wants to feel someone love him the same way he loves!! but also: 'i know i should be angry, but i can barely feel a fucking thing' is very plane–wing–scene :(

5) NO. NOT FUN. i have such a hard time listening to that song as is but thinking about it with post–war john in mind has literally made it 10x more painful and now this edit 😭 i tried to make an angsty edit to it a few weeks back but i started crying every time LOL phoebe just hurts too damn bad when you pair her with mota stuff. i adore her <3

6) SGDKJG honestly a wild day for us. she cracks me up like no one else <33 but OOO okay so i'm a strange one alright i grew up adoring anything fantasy/sci–fi, ate every novel and movie and show up, but in the past few years i've sort of lost interest in that vibe? which makes me really sad! but i've just been enjoying more slice of life stuff in terms of media i consume.

so i think if dune had come out when i was in like high school, i would've been obsessed, but even if it's not my go to genre, i still thought they were beautiful movies, perfect casts, managed to hold my attention as someone who can barely sit thru movies 99% of the time, the sound design was incredible, 10/10. no complaints.

but listen.... at first i was like "yummy feyd" as a joke. i serious'd very very fast. like i knew i'd be attracted just bc, i mean, c'mon, it's austin lmfaooo, but my brain chemistry was genuinely altered. i haven't like properly fleshed out any au–type of brainrot because i honestly didn't retain enough info about the dune universe (again. i am not a good movie watcher, i do not do well just sitting down and paying attention to one thing for three hours lol) but i do think some sort of crossover where john is in the dune world would be interesting!

let's be real, most of us would probably just wanna see john and feyd fuck nasty so. not sure it needs much elaborating on LMFAO and i'd be surprised if someone doesn't end up writing a fic like that– wouldn't be surprised if there already are some!

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

HI HI HI HI I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOURE BACK!!! oh my goodness i was literally typing this when i saw that you asked where i’ve been💀 i’ve been reading fics as you post them (i don’t have notifs on but i check your blog for updates on a regular basis LMAO) but life shtuff has only now died down enough for me to actually write/comment on things!! gosh i’m so excited you’re back!! in the LEAST pressure-y way, it’s almost embarrassing how slowly days went by as i was waiting for you to start posting again LOL like at one point i was telling myself “okay she said 20 days, it’s probably been at least a week”. it had been literally 3 days 💀 HAHAHAHWH

ANYWAYS

AHHHHHH MY BABIES MY BABIES!!!!! i don’t remember what the last thing i talked about on here was but WOW these last fics have made me cry and laugh and blush sooo many different times!! wen finding out was CRAZY and i literally sobbed w her bc the way everything played out was so unfortunate but also so realistic and raw and i had so many mixed feelings about everything!!!! and then wen isolating and bella checking on her!! and wen trying to push her away and then admitting that she felt so lonely GOD THAT WAS DEVASTATING but then bella being so supportive and comforting AGHHHH my girlsss <3333

and then omg the fic after that one??? i was SO surprised that wen forgave vin? and that they’re trying long distance??? i’m so fucking excited and happy abt that but god i’m sure it’ll be hard 😭 but YAY I KNEW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP LIKE THAT ♥️

side note, luke being so depressed and struggling so much to adapt to his meds is so sad but so realistic too :,) i’m glad you’re making this a part of the plot!! but my man is def off his meds already lol im interested to see where this goes!! and also i LOVE how well jon and leo are doing <3 despite everything going on, they’re in their happy era fr <3

and now i’m sorry but the sick vin fic?????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE‼️ first off, leo talking to him and being so real but also like calling him out like that??? while still being super supportive??? and the way he described wen was so accurate and so him-coded??? and then AHHHHH i’ve ALWAYS loved vin and bell’s friendship, i’ve genuinely always thought it was super adorable and i wanted more of them, so this fic was gold 🤭 a trope that ALWAYS gets me is when someone is ANGRY at someone they love and ofc being bitchy and sassy until they realise said someone is very much Unwell (it’s especially good if they’re so sick that they’re really out of it), and when they realise how sick they are they IMMEDIATELY switch from mad to concerned + caretaker mode!!!! so yeah you can imagine this whole fic had me on my knees 🤭 obsessed w how protective of luke bell is, and how protective of vin wen is, but also how both girls just jumped straight into action when he was clearly not feeling good <333 and then vin realising wen was using her dr. voice, and then the pure ANGST at the end when he sobs and they just hug and the “god i’m gonna fucking miss you” SOB SOB SOB SOB 😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

bell sick and luke taking care of her was also AMAZINGGGG🫶🏽 i always love when my girls get whumped <3333 omg and AHHHH luke and vin finally talking abt shtuff🥹 the “nothing to forgive” 😭 luke knowing he’ll get sick AND holding him closer??? GOSH THE BROTP MAN !!!!!

and oh my goodness i just read the most recent fic with the new OC!!!! this is so exciting and cool and i love his vibes ahhhh <3 i love how nonchalant max seems abt shtuff and im so so excited to see where things go!! i hope vin and him become friends but also i feel like there’s gonna be some tension and weird banter going on between them at least at first hehehe

ANYWAYS

your writing is fucking incredible and whenever i see a new post from your blog it genuinely lights up my day <3 i am completely in love with all your characters and the depth and intricacies behind each of them ♥️ i’m so thankful your blog exists🫶🏽 also, i saw you were really struggling for a while and i just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better? you’re so loved and talented and appreciated and you deserve all the peace and love and happiness in the world!!! i hope things are going well/better!

i can’t wait to read more of what you write! i’m super excited about this new character and about reading more stories abt your lovely OCs <3

YOU’RE AMAZING THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND KEEP SLAYING!!!

🦦

Soup found DEAD from love cardiac arrest outside of Miami beach.

🦦!!!!! Honestly I don't even wanna post your comments, I just wanna stare at them for hours 🙈🙈

Don't worry about catching up on fics, they'll be here when life slows down!! I know very well how sad it is that we must Adult ™.

I am SO HAPPY you liked the Wendy/Vince developments!! In my head you're like THE Wendy/Vin supporter, so every time I write something with them I'm like "uhmmm wonder what 🦦 is gonna think??"

Caretaker who's pissed and then switches to comfort is also one of my favorite tropes, I looooove the spiciness of guilt thrown in!

Take care babe 💛💛

[forestshadow-wolf]

I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S moments (chapter 4- Part 1)

Fic link written by @tavtarnish. Please go check it out. It is fantastic!

if anyone was invested in this at all, I sincerely apologize for not updating this for so long, I don't really have a reason other than I just got lazy. anyway- ONWARDS!!!

chapter 3 || Chapter 5

The opening of the chapter

The way it definitely implied that soap has undoubtedly been at it for a while. Long enough to settle into a routine. It also shows his frustration really well. The strength that he's hitting, and they way his mind still continues to wonder

Remembering hearing his mother call him angrily from the house

I feel like this is such a core memory for me. Also idk if anyone else had the experience where their parents kicked them out of the house during the summer and then got mad when they didn't make it back in time for dinner. Like I'm sorry?? All you said was go outside, and didn't give me a time to be back? Kinda got off topic here, the point was: core memory unlocked

Little john trying not to make the punishment worse by being gentle with the the door and stuff

I honestly have nothing to say at this point, it's just super relatable to me

Idk if ive said this before but his sisters' names

I just think they're lovely

They way he feels guilt even as a child for not being there to redirect or avoid completely his mother's anger

This makes me so sad :( bb it's not ur fault

The casset that he and his sister were fighting about just days earlier as an apology!!!!!

This is exactly how it is to have siblings, like you'll be at eachother's throats and then something happens and then it's like it never happened. Also never once has a verbal apology been as affective as an action

Also being able to feel the anger flowing off his mother... like that's when you know you're in some deep shit

The whole come home by the time the street lights come on

Is accurate. Relatable. Especially getting back late because fo the changing season...

The disappointment in his mother's voice

That one hurted just a lil bit bc disappointment is always just that much worse than anger isn't it??

And he understands her frustration

That just makes it all the worse, right? I mean he just wanted some more time to have fun with his friends, but that left his mother swamped with everything else. It's really a lose lose situation :/

Not bringing up his father "after the last time"

Knowing when to pick his battles. But also what happened last time?? I can only assume lots of yelling and crying and and just :(

The following quiet

And it's like nobody except you can feel the tension still in the air, and it's like the smallest thing could set everything off again

Im ignoring something for right now I will circle back to it in a moment. But lemme just say his father?

I'm not liking the vibes I get from him... there I said it. I don't like him

His mother brushing over his hair and the back of his head

Look I know I've been making it seem like I think mary is a bad mom, but she really isn't. She's just overworked and doing her best. And john understands that but he also needs to be able to be a kid. And mary needs help around the house bc there is too much to do and only one of her

Ok back to the thing I ignored. The way he wishes for her to just get angry

I think maybe it's bc when people are angry it's easy to deal with, either you argue back, stay quiet, or say/do whay they want you to right? But with the disappointment it's almost the same response just with no visable reason for it. It's harder to deal with because we as people are not taught how to fix it other than to "do better next time" but how does that fix what happened now?

I also want to pint out the bolded part

Bc like the yelling is so much easier to deal with than the calm voice. Maybe it's bc you can still feel the pent up tenson that might have normally been released with the yelling

Also he wonders if it makes him a bad son

And I think, maybe normally people don't wish for that, but it doesn't make him a bad son. Like I understand so completely how he feels, and it's so real that it's devastating. And it doesn't make him a bad son. And I know that because maybe for him it's just easier for him to deal with physical problems than it is for him to deal with whatever this is.

And then the last line of the flashback

God!! I just know he was beating himself up after that. I do. I just know. And it's the perfect segue back into the present moment.

Getting so lost hin his head that he forgets he's even really doing anything

I guess forget isn't really the right word. Like he knew enough to keep doing it, but kinda just tuned everything else out.

The way it all just bubbles up

The lights just too loud, the air hot and heavy with anger and frustration. And he's still aped up despite all the energy he spent. And he tried, he really does try to keep himself composed. But the irritation makes his bones buzz, and he just needs to do something, anything to get it out. And he's so worked up that he doesn't even realize he split his knuckles until he looked at them.

And then it keeps building

It's too much, all of it. The steaming anger, the loudness of the lights, the way his hair remains untamed despite his efforts

Focusing on his hair again, idc what anyone says, his hair is actually such an important part of him. So his hair getting in the way, in his face, even after he tries to rake it out of the way... maybe kinda like how he's having trouble with his emotional regulation? It's kinda like his emotions are clouding his rational thinking, which is a perfect lead to my next point.

Where it all finally boils over

He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't. But the useless buzzing is still in his bones and flowing through his veins. And he just has to do something or he might just brun from the inside out.

And then the immediate regret

"If it isn't the consequences of my own actions" for real though this is actually an important part. Because sometimes even if it's a personal issue you have to choose the lesser of two evils, even if you don't know you even have options. Also I think the is very much foreshadowing what will happen if he doesn't properly acknowledge the problem, and also shows what it is doing to him in a physical manifestation.

Also perhaps symbolism of not actually vomiting... because ya boy is emotional constipated

Ok im gonna end this here for now, because if this sits im my drafts any longer it'll never get posted. Also sorry if this isn't as indepth as the other parts, I'm doing all of this on my phone.

[j-harkness]

literally your tags 1000% that’s just the fic dkdkfk ok so it starts in donna’s era & one night the doctor & jack are hanging out & playing poker & drinking in jacks suite on the tardis (still can’t believe that’s a real line that he had a room there but anyway fjfjf) & somehow they get on the subject & ten asks jack how he knew he was bi & basically they have a conversation about how the doctor is ~questioning~ things(yes ik he’s like 900 but so what i want jack to be his gay awakening) & then jack like offers to fuck him to see if he likes it but the doctor says no at first bc he knows jacks in love with him & it wouldn’t be fair to him since he can’t offer jack anything more. & basically he says just that but jacks like yeah ik you ik you don’t do relationships i’ve accepted that years ago but im still offering. & the doctors like hmmmm😳 and then they fuck on the couch by the fireplace. anyways so they make a rule about how it was a onetime thing & wont affect their friendship but afterwards ten’s shook as hell bc /woah/. & jacks all cool abt it and doesn’t think twice. then some time goes by & it’s about ten realizing he’s in love with jack except jacks still going around doing his thing, dating other people bc that’s what they agreed on right? so the doctors pining over him & jack doesn’t know it. then ten regenerates, says goodbye to jack (the bar scene where he tells jack that guys name which to jack just reaffirms the doctors not into him). anyway then more time passes except jack hasn’t met eleven yet so when he runs into him finally, he doesn’t recognize him & doesn’t know who he is. so there’s a scene like 12 & rivers scene where she talks abt the doctor not caring about her right in front of him (yes i’m stealing this ok). and the elevens like bro it’s me. and then they go off continuing fighting aliens or whatever except the whole time elevens mad & thinking about what jack said about him & he’s upset jack thinks of him like that. anyway they get into a fight about it and then in the middle of it jack dies (for a sec) & the doctor holds him while he dies & then comes back. & then we get a sad/angry love confession & they date the end

also glitch by taylor swift is 1000% the vibe of this fic & my friend made a tenjack video to the song😭

PERFECT I LOVE IT also I 10000% am so glad someone else reads the tenjack to elevenjack pipeline as "ten being too repressed about his feelings to say or do anything and eleven walking in like 'damn that guy was stupid! anyway I'm in love with u!'" like this is so similar to how @stheta and I's RP progressed. ur so big-brained u understand them

OUR ELEVEN AND JACK EVEN HAD A SIMILAR ARGUMENT LIKE DAMN yeah it is really them

if eleven and jack ever interacted in canon they genuinely would've had to fuck like no way around it

[corvusthecryptid]

Hey! I'm actually really curious about Your Thoughts™ on the DSMP finale!! (Yes, this is a plea for an infodump plz)

FUCK YES SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED ALRIGHT BUCKLE UP

im putting it under read more bc i KNOW this is gonna get LONG

Everyone is talking about Tommy "forgiving" Dream and how him apologizing is victim blaming. As a victim of abuse, I don't see it that way. What it is, though, is very realistic.

See, abusers are, in fact, people. Are they shitty people? Absolutely! But they are still people. And I'm sure we've all heard the saying, "two wrongs don't make a right." This is true even with abusers.

Let me set up a scenario for you. I am in the car with my abuser, and my abuser swerves in a way that scares the shit out of me. It just so happens that it's right as one of my migraines are starting, making all my bad emotions worse. I yell at them for it, and say some hurtful things.

Yelling at people is wrong. Saying hurtful things is also wrong. So after this point, I would absolutely owe this person an apology. Because even if they later on do something emotionally abusive to me, that does not erase the hurt that I have caused. It's also not justified! So they would still be doing a shitty thing; I'm not saying they aren't.

But at the end of the day, I can only control my actions. And if my actions are hurtful ones, then yes, I owe an apology to the person or people I hurt, even if they are bad people. This does not absolve them of their abusive behaviors; but their behaviors don't absolve me of my own, either.

Tommy apologizing to Dream was for his own actions. Did Tommy deserve what Dream did, even after what Tommy did? FUCK no. But Tommy is only in control of his own actions, not Dream's. So I fully respect that he felt that the right choice in that situation was to apologize for his own wrongdoings.

That is not the same as forgiving Dream, either! I don't believe Tommy did forgive Dream. I believe that he was taking responsibility for his own actions, including the ones that made it so that none of them would get peace in that world.

Because that is what he did. Now, when he made that decision, it was before he knew peace was an option with Dream and Punz alive. So I don't judge his decision there, even if it was the wrong one with the knowledge we have now. But it was an option, and Tommy unintentionally got rid of said option. That is something fully worth apologizing for!

He wasn't apologizing for "bringing on" abuse or some shit. He was acknowledging that yes, even though he was the victim, he also was not perfect, and he was apologizing for his own misdeeds.

I think part of the problem is that a lot of the fandom sees things in black-and-white. What's funny is that I really struggle with said thinking as a result of BPD, and I'm the one seeing the shades of gray here!

But that's the thing, there are shades of gray in this series, just like in real life. Someone being a victim(of anything, abuse or otherwise) does not make them this perfect, untainted person who can do no wrong. In fact, in real life, it typically does the opposite! You pick up a lot of unhealthy behaviors when you're in an abusive situation. Sometimes you have to, in order to get through it. And sometimes those behaviors are harmful, and you have to unlearn them.

It actually reminds me of what happened with the Life is Strange fandom! Everyone ADORED Kate Marsh, who went through a traumatic event, because she was the "perfect victim." She was sad and meek and quiet. They all HATED Chloe, though, who was a victim of nearly the exact same thing. Why? Because she was at the point where she was angry at everyone, and lashing out.

Everyone wants the story to have Tommy be the Kate Marsh of this scenario. No one seems to want to see him be the Chloe. The truth is, though, that somewhere in the middle is where Tommy falls. This, to me, is far more realistic. You don't stay the perfect little meek, scared, cowering victim. You get angry, you do shit you shouldn't, and you have to take responsibility for that.

In my opinion, the finale acknowledges that! It acknowledges that you don't get a free pass on anything bad you do, past present and future, just because you're a victim of something. You still have responsibility for your own actions. Now, said actions never, ever justify what happened to you. But they are your actions, which you need to hold responsibility for.

For me, the finale gave me FAR more closure than simply "tommy is an angel and dream is an inhuman monster." I think they handled it beautifully, and I am so glad that they did it the way that they did as opposed to just making it a joke like Wilbur did or going for a fake, flowery ending. Both of those would have left a bad taste in my mouth.

So yeah, I absolutely loved that ending. I like that we're gonna get a clean slate, though I'm VERY hopeful that fragments start coming back. I could definitely see the next series being a cautionary tale: Do not let the past define you, but do not let history repeat itself, either. I also think it could provide explanation for all the memory issues on the server. Maybe this isn't the first time a wipe has happened, and maybe it doesn't affect everyone every time.

This has honestly renewed a lot of of my hope and interest for this series! I'm looking forward to seeing how things go.

but for the love of god y'all please stop calling it season 2, l'manburg was season one we've already had seasons oh my god this isn't the second season it's a spinoff/reboot PLEASE