#and like yeah it's social anxiety maybe but it's honestly more that i can't figure out how to have normal conversations

[quatregats]

Having a real autism moment over the idea of doing fieldwork

[malaierba]

I really get this strong strong feeling that part of the regrets that Karamatsu has from highschool is just the fact that he maybe wasn't a very good model of an older sibling, and that that inability to be reliable and relied on kind of contributed to his siblings dealing with things on their own and drifting apart

I also think that he blamed his timidity on him not giving off a reliable vibe, so that + the fact that he honestly liked and admires flashy people, pushed him to try to act more confidently + start offering his siblings help when he could

There's also the fact that he's sensitive and family oriented, he's got an empathetic side yknow. He wants to help in that way, but he'll settle for bringing you soda (dumbass). Like I know word of God said he likes thinking of himself as a nice guy, but I really think the Nice Guy™ is the image of cool reliable big bro he wants to project; at his core he IS kind, it gets obscured because he's become a tryhard and his tendency for grand dramatic gestures obscure a bit his honest intentions.

I like to contrast him with Osomatsu because funny enough I think that in hs he was super comfortable with himself (that never changes, as he says in the movie: "you'll always be who you are so just accept it") and I think that instinctually he just trusted that things would be okay after highschool.

At that age he probably still resented having the responsibility of being the eldest thrown onto him, being more interested in messing around, but even then I think his one on one relationship with his siblings was like 'ack everyone's moody but I can't wait to finish highschool and get to mess around with these guys freely'. His anxiety for the future just seems to be naturally low.

The argument I'm kind of trying to make here is that because Osomatsu understands himself and his brothers, he knew things were weird at home but it wasn't a source of anxiety to him.

Karamatsu by contrast was anxious, feeling unsupported by watching his siblings drift, and being an emotional person with not a lot of ways to vent his feelings regularly (seriously he had zero emotions processing skills)...

I think he felt uncomfortable on his own a lot of the time, not to mention uncomfortable in his skin, and seeing his brothers change without being able to ask them why? Yeah I don't think he had a good time, especially during his third year. Within his brothers be was a bit of an underdog but without them he barley even has a voice!

(WHICH IS WHY I THINK THAT DRAMA AND MUSIC AND EVEN FASHION BECOME SUCH THEMES FOR HIM. Mediums of self-expression!!! And it's ENCOURAGED in those circles!!! When he got the chance he probably felt great about it!! A weight off his shoulders and honestly fun)

(also why I think that drifting apart from Ichimatsu was painful for him. Ichi is also rather shy and sensitive, and like Karamatsu he hides it. Back in high school his coping mechanism of choice seems to have been social masking and TBF he does show that he's observant and good at reading people, but the downside is that by virtue of being a natural introvert, the constant monitoring and trying to conform to a social script, rather than being blunt as he can be with his brothers... Yeah

Kara and Ichi could probably communicate on a similar wavelength and they could breath around each other, like, they just understood each other well. When Ichi starts hanging out more with his friends (I think he genuinely liked them and Karamatsu is his brother anyway he's not going anywhere), he inadvertently put himself in a position that lead to burnout. Maybe he was a bit detached from himself and his emotional state back then.

(I feel like I'm so close to figuring out what their dynamic changes so drastically but it's eluding me. Something about him liking and needing straightforward people I guess, like Jyuchi and Oso are as adults, they may have agendas but their intentions are always crystal clear usually by default)

I'm rambling. I'm just trying to say that even if some of 18!Kara's timidity still lives inside of him, the same can be said the other way around for some of NEET!Kara's values being important to his high school self. It's messy development but it's good.

And the changing point where he decides to step up or at least stop letting his worries paralyze him, really might've been that fight, when everything exploded and he was probably left feeling like he watched a very slow train wreck happen and he just failed to do anything to keep it from happening .

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 10 and 11 of Harrow the Ninth

I wonder if this scene in the library with Magnus and Abigail is based on something that Harrow actually experienced in Gideon the Ninth that Gideon wasn't aware of, because it happened during the part of the book when they were separated? Although, I'm not sure why Harrow is in the library in this scene. If she was looking for something in there, that's never mentioned, and I'm sure she wasn't there to listen to Ortus recite the Noniad. I think at this stage in Gideon the Ninth, Harrow was actually making a thorough sweep of Canaan House and drawing maps and marking down and labeling all of the locked doors. But in this rendition, they've already been given the facility key and told that they're meant to go down there, and no one has said anything about locked doors to them yet

Not Harrow calling Magnus a moron! I'm so sorry, Magnus

Honestly enjoying Ortus's passive-aggressive sass in this chapter

Yes, I got that one. Why save this for this book, though? Magnus finding an ancient Lyctoral dick joke carved into the wall of the men's room would have fit in perfectly with the ambience of Gideon the Ninth. Also, I like how apparently Magnus started this interaction by talking about this dick joke and then Ortus somehow turned that into a conversation about the Noniad

That probably means that that question has an interesting answer. I wonder what it is

I like that we're now getting more details on what Abigail's designation as "speaker of the dead" actually means, even though she was killed at the end of the second act of the first book and I figured we'd never get to find that out

Or at least you do when your cavalier is Ortus. It's kind of interesting that no one said or did anything in Gideon the Ninth to indicate that they thought Abigail and Magnus being married was weird, and we only found out it was weird at the end of the book reading the essay about the relationship between cavaliers and necromancers. But I guess maybe that just comes down to Gideon not knowing anything about what that relationship meant, so if anyone else had reacted she probably wouldn't have noticed

I also like how Magnus is the kind of guy who's like "by the way Abigail is my wife. Have I mentioned that Abigail is my wife? Because she is definitely my wife. Wife wife wife"

I like how Harrow doesn't like the Noniad, but she has read it, and can give a precise play-by-play of this particular scene, including how many lines each of these events takes. I guess there's not much else to do in the Ninth House

I wonder if Abigail did say something like this to her in actual fact. In Gideon the Ninth, when they were preparing to go to the anniversary party, Gideon described Harrow as being afraid, but thought that it didn't make sense for it to be social anxiety or something like that, and in spite of the fact that she told Gideon that she was suspicious of the food, she didn't seem to be suspicious of the food at the actual event. So I wonder if it was because Abigail had said this to her during a scene that Gideon wasn't part of

Still not sure what this is about. Someone is trying to have a baby? Is it somehow related to Gideon's birth? It honestly sounds a bit like Mercy but that doesn't seem right

Please, Ortus, "Heroes are passé, you see", "I'm certain your studies have kept you from the full breadth of the classics", you are on a roll here. I can't decide if he is mocking Harrow's comeback, or if this is a thing where Harrow is giving herself a hint that this is all her imagination and these kinds of lines don't actually happen in real life events

"She"

Yeah, it's interesting, in this whole conversation they have, Harrow is yelling at him, and he's just being outwardly submissive and polite but also being passive-aggressive and showing that he's smarter or more educated than Harrow in some respects, and that just makes her madder, and there's like, no exit strategy for this conflict. Whereas, when Gideon found Harrow in a bone cocoon in the basement and Harrow tried to argue that she was fine and knew what she was doing, Gideon was just like "no, shut up, you're being dumb" and "don't die in a bone" in a completely forthright way, and eventually Harrow was like "...yeah, ok". Ortus would have been like "I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing and keep your physical health in mind at all times, my lady" and then Harrow would have yelled at him some more

Not sure what to make of Harrow sleepwalking to go try to kill Cytherea a second time. Was this caused by the haunted sword? Does Harrow just unconsciously hate Cytherea that much for making Gideon sacrifice herself?

[darkkitty1208]

I'm gonna say it here that interacting online is a lot of pressure. At least for me, personally. Maybe not as much as it is to socially interact IRL -- although whether they're comparable to begin with, I'm not sure either -- but it has its own anxiety-inducing stuff. (I kind of want to get this out of my chest here so. Under the cut.)

It always makes me feel, maybe a little too much, self-aware, yk? Like, I sometimes wonder if I'm being over-enthusiastic or not enthusiastic enough, or if my replies are not what they'd expect and my jokes didn't actually land, or if I'm not contributing to the conversation enough or if they're disinterested in the things I'm talking about... It's frustrating because I can't actually see their reactions the way I see when talking IRL. I wonder sometimes if it's all in my head and it's just the anxiety talking but, I keep looking back at old messages sometimes to analyse whether what I said was too awkward or too dry or unfunny or too overbearing.

Don't get me wrong, I do love interacting w my friends online, and this whole thing has nothing to do with them and rather everything to do with myself, but it does take a lot of energy from me sometimes. Which is why I tend not to reply for days or even weeks and months on end (which honestly may come off like I'm ghosting them and I admit, feels like it as well) when I get overwhelmed. And even then it still makes me feel so, so guilty about it despite how, whenever I actually come back, they seem pretty fine with me having taken ages to reply.

I keep expecting them to be angry at me, sometimes, or at least a little frustrated. And even when I do it time and time again they just don't seem to mind, and I'm so grateful for that but I hate how I keep thinking they won't react as nicely the next time.

I think one of the problems is that I'm aware that I'm a people pleaser and tend to give in to the pressure of wanting to please the person I'm conversing with without taking into account of whether I'm personally enjoying the conversations myself. Well, I do, for the record, but sometimes these thoughts just overweigh it to the point where all I feel is the anxiety. I hate how my own anxiety stops me from actually enjoying an experience sometimes. And it's so hard to figure out whether these things are just anxiety or whether they're true to begin with.

But it's nice that I've done this enough times that I can sort of figure out which people I interact with are only expecting me to listen to them and use up my social battery for their own serotonin boost, or those that actually, truly, want to chat and have fun talking with me (instead of to me) whilst not pressuring a certain response or a response to begin with. (I do, however, understand proper conversation etiquette and ways I should respond to certain things my friends share to me.)

But yeah. I wish I could be a little more chill with things like this instead of turning into some weird ball of anxiety. It sucks, man.

[bishiglomper]

Damnit

I can't sleep

I took a whole muscle relaxant but.... yeah

My brain won't stfu

I keep trying to run scripts

Being one of those self conscious autistics freaking SUCKS

I figured out how I could ask Amir stuff though.

I'm weird and can't curse IRL without some major effort so to just SAY "You don't have to fuck to be fab" is already hard enough without the extra layers of social anxiety that come with it. I was about to conceded defeat with that idea. But fuck it I'll just hand him a note like "Can you say this line as Alastor pls?"

Also I was kind of hoping for a-

"You dont have to fuck to be fab, darling!"

But then I thought if he did it more like-

"You dont have to fuck to be fab, my dear."

THEY HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT VIBES AND I LOVE THEM BOTH like a "let your freak flag fly" VS encouragement UUGH how do I verbalize that exkncbfjsn. Like honestly if he did the latter I might get teary fr 🥺

Also that would be fun to share with a panel and voice it at a mic but LOL like i could do that. 💀

Also. If I WERE to have the courage to use the mic..

I would want to pose a question to him as Alastor, and say something like "Do you consider yourself asexual? (a sexual)" (ty 🤭 @grownupchangeling)

But that's a very risky chance of Amir catching onto the wordplay let alone expecting him to run with it.

Though.....

If I can get a hold of him before the Sunday panel (which, I freaking hope I would) Maybe I could just run it by him and then he'd be prepared.. 👀

See, I told you, my brain just won't shut up. I'm so anxious lmao I hate speaking to people. I wish I could just emote irl. Sigh.

You know nephew is so different when he's in a mask costume. Pikachu or plague doctor, he loves interacting with people. He actually had the confidence to sit away from his family to join other kids at an interactive thing at the Ren Faire, and he sat himself at the edge of the road to greet and pass out gems to passerbys. He's just totally different.

My friends said her kid was like that too. With masked costumes, they're just more confident. And she can tell how comfortable they are by whether they're wearing their covid mask or not.

I. DO NOT HAVE THAT.

IT REALLY OFFENDS ME THAT I DO NOT HAVE THAT.

I cannot put on that type of mask, my self consciousness runs too fucking deep. I can't even play imaginary with kids. I can't read/sing aloud. Barely even alone. I feel like too much of an idiot.

One time anime club asked me to explain the plot of the anime we were gonna watch because they didn't see the first episode, but I had. The lights were off, I was in a corner, I didn't have to look at anyone and they didn't have to see me. I also knew beforehand that they were going to ask it of me. I did it but I felt like I was on fire. Even all that only helped by like 15%.

It is just. So bad. So, so bad. My online interactions are only marginally better. The think-to-text filter is a lot more forgiving than the think-to-speech one.

...........

So anyway, that's the trauma dump of the day ✨️💅 I hope you enjoyed your stay ✌️

[1unpaid-intern]

Sooooo I usually just post about my recent obsessions (that being tgcf rn), but I just had an internship and I figured since I fits my name I might as well post something about it.

I actually applied at a different company first, because everything was online and via email, so I didn't have to call anybody. And at first everything was looking great. I filled out the online formular, wrote a few emails with a lady from the human resources department, she said it's looking good and that she'll write me again when my application has been fully processed. After that I didn't hear from her for a while and then out of nowhere she's like "Sorry but we can't take anymore interns rn". So after emotionally recovering from that I replied with the typical "Sad to hear that, but thanks for your answer bla bla bla ... Also could I maybe apply for an internship at a later date?" Aaaaaannd I haven't heard from her til this day, so yeah I got the hint.

I then ended up at a smaller company, because my Mom knows a guy there (I think he is the husband of her great cousin or sth like that). I first had to suffer through some VERY awkward phone calls, but I somehow survived (I ended up giving them the wrong email, because I was so nervous, fuck you social anxiety, and even had to call them again because of it 🥲).

The internship wasn't bad, I originally wanted to do one as a graphic designer, but since the small company's marketing department consisted only of two people, who actually just were office management clerks, that specialized in marketing and knew all the Adobe programms, I had to compromise a little. Even though they were super nice and showed me all their tasks, I felt kinda useless, because I barely did anything in comparisson to them.

I had to:

- Check the new calender they designed in case they got holidays or something else wrong (they obviously didn't)

- Prepare a presentation on how to reache and then also hopefully get more trainees (they gave me way to much time for that, I'm used to pumping those out in two hours, because of school)

- Put some labels on Schnaps bottles, that they gave out to customers for their 125th anniversary

- Help packing up some other giveaways (like pens, measuring tape, t-shirts and so on)

The best thing was honestly overhearing all the gossip from the department next to us. My personal favourite was when they were talking about this one lady and one of the younger employes joked about her having an onlyfans. His older coworker obviously didn't know what that was, so he explained it to him and his reaction was just priceless. At first he was in denial, he thought he was joking, then he was in shock, because he just couldn't believe that people actually made money with this, and in the end he just stared laughing hysterically.

After the internship was over, I actually realized that they were making fun of me too and I feel kinda stupid for not realizing it earlier. Apparently it's very common here in Germany to refer to an overweight intern as a "Praktifant". A mix of the words Praktikan (=intern) and Elefant 🐘. The young guy, who made the onlyfans joke, always started playing "Colonel Hathi's March" from the Jungle Book shortly after I came in ...

I mean I'm not mad, because I geniunly like the song and it made everything less serious, so I wasn't as nervous. So, thanks I guess?

Also Bowser is into Elephants so I'll take this as a compliment. 🐘

[queerrambles]

(I might've sent this to you already, I'm having a total ADHD moment and can't figure out who I sent it to and who didn't so if this is the second time ignore it and im sorry)

I've submitted this to a couple blogs, but it is a genuine question I have and so I'd like to get as widespread of an answer as I can get.

So I know what we talk about making found families as queer people, a lot of the time that ends up looking like a group of our peers, or a significant other, or a combination of the two.

But the way I've always looked at families is that they're not just made up of people your age. They're made up of so many different ages, they're made up of the grandmothers, the aunts, the uncles, the cousins, the mothers, the fathers, and I think that's something that I find harder to replicate in a found family then finding people my age I can make connections with.

So my question is, how do you go about creating and joining the larger communities/found family of queer people. Where do you find the older queers who can take on the roles of grandparents, and, uncles, cousins, surrogate parents, how do you go about connecting with younger queer people who you can take under your wing as surrogate brothers, sisters, and siblings.

Because I think it's entirely possible, or it should be entirely possible. I just don't know how you actually go about making those connections and finding those communities rather than just connecting to people your age and within your sphere.

And this could go for online communities, this could go for in real life communities. Honestly knowing how to find connections and make connections in both of those spheres would be helpful. But yeah I was hoping that even if you yourself don't actually necessarily have an answer to this, that by sharing it maybe someone else will have more of an answer.

First of all, I apologize for taking so long to answer! I completely forgot about this ask :/

Second, I am terrible at making connections (I literally have 0 irl friends lol) so I might not be the best person to ask for advice.

However, I will say that probably the best place to meet and connect with queer folks of different ages (irl) is to join a Facebook group. I know Facebook is kinda awful, but I've found that there are a lot of queer groups on Facebook that will post local events and queer gatherings.

For instance, when I lived in Colorado, I joined a Facebook group for queer folks in my city. There were queer people of many different ages in that group, and they would frequently post about different gatherings and events that they were holding. Some of the events were things like going hiking (a very popular pastime in Colorado), going to get coffee together, dances, and just a lot of general hanging out type gatherings.

I never went to any of the events because 1. I was living with my queerphobic dad at the time, and 2. I have extreme social anxiety. However, it always looked like a lot of fun, and I wish I had gone to some of those events and made connections with other queer people.

The group also posted about queer resources like information on hrt in the area. It was so cool.

Anyway, tl;dr: see if you can find a Facebook group for queer people in your city, or even queer people in your region. It's a great place to make connections with queer people of all ages.

If anyone has any other suggestions, please leave a comment or reblog!

[remedy-ships-it]

pre-relationship: 2, 4. general: 4, 7. love: 2, 3, 8. domestic life: 4, 10 ! :>

hii jerome!! thank you for sending an ask, i love seeing your ships :]

PRE-RELATIONSHIP:

2 has been answered here.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

When we met it was a crush-turned-friendship kind of thing. Like we're shy around one another and find each other cute but then we become friends and the initial attraction kind of ebbs. But then months pass of us getting to know each other and I'm like dang he's kind of perfect actually I wanna kiss him oh no.

So yeah, me, most likely. It would take Spencer a bit longer to recognize those emotions and accept them, but I see us falling for one another at the same pace. It just takes us a while to do anything about it.

GENERAL:

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Spencer actually has a lot more experience than me in the romance department, believe it or not. In canon, he literally made out with an actress in a pool in season 1 lol so I definitely wasn't his first kiss. There's not much said about his romantic history pre-show, but I imagine he definitely dated around a little here and there but hadn't had a real long-term relationship before me. And, well, he wasn't my first relationship but he was my first kiss among other things to put it simply.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

We're both socially awkward, introverted nerds (he's an INTP, whereas I'm an INFP) so it honestly varies. Our job calls for us to start conversations whether they're uncomfortable or not, but if we're paired up in the field he'll usually take initiative at first but he lets me get a word in as well. But really, we function pretty fine in social situations, we can just be a little weird sometimes in ways others might not understand. We both won't hesitate to step in and stand up for each other if it comes to it, though.

However, I'm definitely the one to (maybe not confidently) go up to a server with him if they got his order wrong. If they got my order wrong, I wouldn't want to be a bother, and he's the same way. So we can overcome our social anxiety if it means doing something for the other, if I'm making any sense.

LOVE:

2. What are their primary love languages?

My personal love languages are gift giving (primarily) and physical touch, I think. I absolutely love buying or (especially) making things for my loved ones if I can't afford to spend money. Honestly if I was rich I'd be buying people stuff all the time, and it makes me so happy when people enjoy the thing I made them. I also love giving and receiving hugs, having my hand held, cuddles and the likes, but I can be touch averse at times depending on the person. Spencer is the same way.

I think Spencer's would be quality time (primarily) and physical touch as well. I've noticed through my binge of CM that he's often inviting his friends out to events and stuff. I believe conversations count as quality time, so he'd really appreciate someone who's willing to listen to him go on for as long as he wants and do the same in turn. And despite being a total germophobe, he loves receiving hugs and loving gestures from people he's close to. He's secretly very touch-starved.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

I do on occasion just because I love watching him try not to smile and roll his eyes at me. We'd probably make stupid Doctor Who references at each other ("Are you a weeping angel? 'Cause I could stare at you all day.")

But Spencer goes all out with his, and I could see him being especially corny on anniversaries or romantic holidays. He even flirts in other languages and leaves me to scramble to try and figure out what the heck he just said to me.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

I feel like we can both get kind of panicky and awkward when it comes to comforting people who are upset, but when it comes to it all we really need is someone to be there for us and listen if we need to vent or just hold us if we need to cry. So I don't think either of us would be "better" at it, you know? We just know what to do for each other.

DOMESTIC LIFE:

4 & 10 have been answered ^^

[ener-chi]

Recently I have been going under a radical period of self discovery and it is just. Wild.

Idk I have been having a hard time digging into some stuff on my blog cuz of how personal my Path has become but I think that really it has nothing to do with my blog and more to do with the fact that I have a hard time talking about myself in general?? But I think I know why.

First and foremost, and definitely the biggest thing that I've been dealing with - I'm autistic. ASD. I am only recently discovering and exploring this.

I've always dealt with sensory issues and overstimulation - especially with sound - and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. If it weren't for this fact, I wouldn't have looked into this at all. But the fact of the matter is I'm sensitive, I get overstimulated, and it HAS to come from SOMEWHERE, right?

I looked into me being autistic once and did only surface level research and then kind of laughed it off. Then maybe 3 or so months ago I considered it more seriously and. Yeahhhhhhhhhh

Things just started to add up and click into place. I have other sensory issues and Textures that make me 😤 while I do think I was depressed at one point in my life, I think that most of my depression was actually Autistic Burnout. Actually, this graphic was MONUMENTAL for me realizing all of this in the first place:

One thing that I really struggled with though is that. I'm good at socialization? And have good social skills?? Like that's why I went the past 25 years without even considering this in the first place. But this leads me to what I've been dealing with for the past couple weeks: Maskingggg

Hooo boy. Turns out I am NOT good with social things. Or at least not as good as I thought. Like for example this is something I've known about for years and didn't think about: I don't know how to comfort people?? Like I literally had to GOOGLE how to comfort people, and things to do and say, and to this day I still do those things, albeit uncomfortably.

Turns out the biggest source of my anxiety is actually due to masking. I spent basically every single conversation/social situation thinking "what is the correct thing to say/do here?" A lot of it was figuring out the "correct" thing to do so that people don't get upset. Yeahhhh that's... not good. It took up SOO much of my energy. Like I did that all day/every day. Exhausting.

I've been working on unmasking lately, and it's crazy to see just how much I actually masked. Masking bad sounds/stimulation (shoving down those feelings), forcing myself to endure overstimulation, SMALL TALK (god I hate small talk sm), BURN OUT.

I mean I've been so ungodly busy for months. But I've been masking and pretending that everything is fine for a while. As soon as I dropped that facade and let me actually see/feel how burnt out I was, I immediately crashed alsksjdh I've called out the past two days at work. I needed it.

But here's the thing: figuring out that I'm autistic and learning exactly which ways I am has helped my life IMMENSELY. You can't fix or deal with a problem if you don't know what it is in the first place. Delving into all of this not only has given me more validation, but it's given me tools to navigate the world more healthily and also with more energy.

For example, overstimulation!! Now that I know what things cause overstimulation for me, I can avoid those things, and avoid that. Sometimes I can't avoid overstimulation, though - but that's okay! Now that I know I'm autistic, I've learned from other people how to deal with it - spending time in an understimulating environment and doing some special interest stuff.

Soo yeah. Honestly I could talk about this for hours - it's been a very big part of my life lately. But something that is interesting to think about with all of it that I might make another post about sometime is how I think that blends with my spirituality, and my Path.

One other thing I wanna mention that is veryy new that I don't have a whole lot of thoughts on yet but I need to get out somewhere - I think I'm non-binary??? Yeah okay this post has gone on long enough. I'll talk about that another time.

Anywho. If you're still reading this - I hope you have a wonderful night!! 🥰

Blessings!

[hypexion]

Well, Miraculous Ladybug Season Five has concluded. It would have been nice if had aired on a consistent schedule. Anyhow, time for another post in this weird format I use for this show.

Production: Failing to air the episodes in the correct order was barely acceptable in Season Four. That the production side of this continues to be incapable of such a simple task is staggering. Emotion, which is episode eighteen, aired before Transmission, which is episode ten. The only way this is possible is if whoever is assigning resources for episode production can't grasp the basic concept of how a serialised story works. Work on Emotion shouldn't have even started when it went to air, given how long it was until several of the proceeding episodes come out. They couldn't even get the final run of episodes right either. Somehow, Revolution aired after Representation, despite the fact that Representation's events take place immediately after Revolution.

Oh yeah and all the production material for the season leaked incredibly early on. Are these people being bad at their jobs on purpose?

Marinette: So it turns out Marinette's problems with confessing her feelings weren't due to an undiagnosed social anxiety disorder. They were actually due to unprocessed trauma. Hooray? Eventually she processes it and gains the ability to confess, and Adrienette happens. Along the way Marinette also makes heart-eyes at Chat Noir, which doesn't work out because the ice-cream man hates Marichat. Eventually the power of character development allows her to tell her fashion designer idol that he can't cook. Which is probably a devestating to blow to Gabriel's ego.

I feel like there's less development on the Ladybug side other than the aformentioned heart-eyes. She defeats Monarch, but then gets suckered into letting Gabriel make his wish anyway, which seems a tad too nice for Marinette. Like sure, she's nice, but she's also developed a pretty strong backbone since the start of the show. Agreeing to the cover-up of Gabriel is more in character, since Marinette loves secrets, but it's probably going to bite her. Giving her crush a hat destroyed the world, so covering up Monarch's true identity is going to let Lila akumatize the sun or something equally ridiculous.

Adrien: Someone get this boy a reliable parental figure. Nathalie does not count. Honestly the conclusion to Adrien's whole arc with his father feels kind of weird and not great. He does get a confrontation with Gabriel, but only via the battle against Nightormentor. Unfortunately the writers sort of wrote themselves into a corner, so any kind of Adrien as Adrien conflict with Gabriel as Gabriel became impossible, as did a hero-side conflict where either of their identities were revealed. Although maybe it would have been better if Adrien knew his father was Monarch, and made the deliberate choice not to fight him, recognising he would be at risk of akumatisation. Then it's sort of a "you don't have to defeat your abuser" situation which is I think is an okay message.

The corner, incidentally, is the whole Sentibeing thing. Adrien was made by magic, and if you have his amok you can override his free will. It's kind of a clumsy and not exactly constructive metaphor for the effects of child abuse. It also still reads like a retcon, but I've come to a horrible reason for why this retcon might have happened. There exists a non-trivial number of people who's reaction to Adrien's situation is essentially "how dare this abused child not react to their abuse the way I think they should". By making Adrien a Sentibeing and giving Gabriel the ability to revoke his free will, all those complaints are effectively nullified because there is literally nothing Adiren can do about it. Of course, those complaints were being made by idiots, and caving in to their idiot opinions was a bad idea. Plus all the in-universe victim-blaming is narratively pointless if it never actually gets addressed.

The existence of the magic objects that can control and also kill Adrien also somewhat undercuts anykind of happy ending, because those objects are Very Bad. Adrien is free from his father in some senses, but ultimately he is still chained to the amok. That's a kind of existential nightmare that I don't think a lot of people realise. Like there's a reason why Felix is the way he is, and Representation is not exactly subtle about why.

Overall it's a weird sort of conclusion for Adrien and the annoying part is that it cuts pretty close to something more satisfactory.

Gabriel: I have, in the past, demeaned Gabriel Agreste. I have implied he is bad at being a supervillain. That he doesn't have what it takes. It seems that other than his goofy costume, Monarch has decided to rectify that. By constantly escalating his terrible behaviour even as his body withers to ash.

It starts with an escalation of his emotional manipulation of Adrien. Alliance is presented as something that frees Adrien from his modelling "obligations", and when he isn't comfortable with his image being used that way, Gabriel twists things around to act like Adrien is being unreasonable. In Illusion, he outright states his failures as a parent, but only to manipulate Adrien and cover up how he's been transmitting powers to akumas. By the time Gabriel is angling to akumatize Adrien, he's burnt through everyone's goodwill. Then he starts sending akumas after his son's girlfriend, with harming Marinette being their direct purpose. It's sort of pathetic, but also deeply cruel.

Then in Pretension he decides that the best way to get rid of Marinette is with a rant about how fashion gives him the power to control the world, and that people will believe whatever narrative he tells them. He's so sure of this that he cannot comprehend the idea that Marinette loves the real Adrien, rather than the image Gabriel has created. Which is a fairly condemning look into Gabriel's worldview. Both his art and his son have become nothing more than tools to give him power. It is fitting that his final plan involves creating a false narrative using his son's image.

Speaking of Gabriel's ultimate plan, as far as I'm concerned, it's the worst thing he's ever done by far. Death by Chat Blanc is at least quick, while exposure to Nightormentor's dust causes repeating, traumatic hallucinations. And he releases it on a global scale, over densely populated areas. Everyone on the planet gets to "enjoy" the psychological torment zone so that Gabriel can fail to correct all his terrible mistakes. And unless he and Tomoe have been giving out Alliance Rings like candy, there will be plenty of people with no access to even a temporary reprive from the nightmares.

But the big question is: Does Gabriel Agreste into Redeemed? The big answer is: Ha ha ha no. After accepting that Emilie doesn't want to return to life, Gabriel still can't live without her. So he decides to stop living, abandoning his son after attacking the one person left who might try to help him. Sure, he heals Nathalie, but that repairs a mere fraction of the damage he's done. He still uses the wish, and has the sheer gall to ask Marinette to make sure Adrien remembers him as a good person. Gabriel Agreste died as he lived: a cruel tyrant of a man, obsessed with forcing the world to comply to his own vision. In the end, all that changed was how he wanted the world to be, not his desire to remake it.

Nathalie: Not really feeling the attempts to make Ms. Sancoeur into a sympathetic character. Maybe she wouldn't be dying so much if she used the Peacock more carefully. I'm also not particularly impressed with her change of heart. If Nathalie wanted to stop Gabriel, she had all the knowledge and tools she needed to do so. Instead, she occationally freed Adrien from an amok order, and failed to kill Gabriel when it counted. Normally a character like this would get points for trying, but she did she even really try?

Felix: It turns out there was a secret worst parent all along: Colt Fathom. In retrospect, a lot of Felix's actions make far more sense, as he knows most of the details about him being a Sentibeing. And he has an entirely appropriate reaction to that, which is total existential panic. Given his own father nearly killed him, it makes sense that Felix would search for a non-confrontational way to get the Peacock back from Gabriel. Especially after Gabriel outright threatens to murder Felix. Zapping away everyone in Paris is going a little too far, considering how few people are in on the secret, but Felix does learn that such actions are immoral.

Of course with Felix having all the Sentibeing knowledge, his resentment of Adrien doesn't make sense. Both of them are equally chained to the amok. Sure, Adrien doesn't know that, but it doesn't change the material reality of his situation. Felix jabs Adrien for obeying Gabriel, but Adrien literally doesn't have a choice in the matter.

Also Felix's whole plotline dead-ends after Representation. Marinette fails to understand that Gabriel Agreste is Monarch, and maybe she doesn't know that Adrien is a Sentibeing. It's unclear. Then he shows up as a team member and at the pool party, for reasons. Like what was the on-boarding for that like. "This is Argos. He tried to kill everyone, but he realised that was wrong"? Incidentally you can tell this show is written by The French because no self-respecting Brit would choose Argos as a hero name. Because it's the name of a shop.

Lila: Internation woman of mystery, Lila Rossi, strikes again. Many hate Lila for her lying ways, but honestly I have to respect her attitude of just always going for 200% dishonesty 100% of the time. She is also the victim of aggressive classism from multiple sources, with Gabriel somehow overlooking the multiple hints she gives him that she knows he's Monarch.

Cerise: Anyway, Marinette finally comes up with a plan to defeat Lila that's better than "say she's lying with literally no proof ten thousand times" and shockingly the plan that is actually a plan worked. So then Lila takes her hair off and turns into Cerise. I love it when superhero shows are this goofy. How did Cerise get the Butterfly Miraculous? Who even cares, it's time for a new main villain with even pettier goals and like five mothers!

Bug Noire: Pretty great fight scene honestly. Although the whole protection/cataclysm thing was a bit silly. Oh yeah and Marinette literally tried to straight-up kill Monarch by cataclysming his heart. 11/10 Chat Bug when?

Conclusion: For an arc ending things sure feel pretty unresolved. There's the Big Lie which seems tailor-made (ha!) to fall apart at some point, along with the general weirdness with the whole post-wish situation. Part of this seems to be because there's going to be more Miraculous, but I think they could have done a better job with some of the loose ends. If Chuck could have like three endings that weren't the final end, surely other shows can to.

Overall I think it was generally fine, although the ending does somewhat weird things. When it comes to superhero shows I apparently have low standards, but if it can deliver on wacky villains and cool fights, with some emotional stuff to glue it together I'm generally cool with it.

(Still perhaps better than Batwoman TV show, to be honest. If only haters hadn't ruined the crossover potential.)

[lalka-laski]

Do you believe you’ve met your soulmate or one of them?: I can confidently say I have.

When did you last have grape juice?: Last weekend I made a delicious batch of "faux champagne" with ginger ale, club soda, white grape juice, and grenadine. It was a hit!

Have you learned anything today?: Every day's a learning opportunity, isn't it?

Have you been to any parties here recently?: Well, it wasn't "here" but I went to a Galentine's day party last weekend. It was a blast!

Are you good at reading body language?: Honestly, not really. I see what I want to see. Or rather, what my anxiety wants me to see.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?: 7ish maybe?

What were the last 3 emojis you used?: Pink heart, heart eyes face, and a donut. Boy, if that doesn't sum me up entirely...

Is it currently warm where you live?: It's been much warmer than a typical February. Or at least it was 'til today.

Do you use Facebook?: Yeah, kind of obsessively.

Do you like the smell of coconut?: I went through a major coconut lotion & perfume phase but I overdid it (go figure) and now I have a hard time stomaching it.

Do you prefer longer or short socks?: Short, if any at all.

What size shoe do you wear?: 9

Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?: Twist!

Do you or anyone you know have sleep apnea?: I know a few people

Where is your favorite place to be?: These days it's my bed with the lights turned off and some sort of "ambient" scene playing on my TV while I read my Kindle. Bonus pints if a candle's lit. It's bliss.

How many times have you fallen in the past year?: Too many.

Do you like to leave your window open at night or do you use a fan?: I love leaving the windows open when we can. But I still use a fan for white noise.

Is there a celebrity you dislike for no reason other than they annoy you?: Selena Gomez. I can't stand her but I can't provide any justification.

If you find a spider in your home, do you set it free or kill it?: I let 'em hang out and sometimes even name them.

Would you say you’re addicted to social media?: Yep.

How many pets have you had in your lifetime?: 3 bunnies.

Do you sunburned easy?: Within seconds!

Of all the houses you’ve lived in, which was your favorite?: I guess my current apartment.

Do you or would you ever use online dating?: I had a few brief stints on OkCupid and Tinder. It was a bad idea every time...

What do you wish you could get paid for?: Sleeping? Shopping? Eating pizza?

What did you get into trouble for as a kid?: Not much, honestly. I got up to typical mischief once in a while but I was a rule-follower for the most part.

What’s something good that has happened here recently?: I got a promotion!

Do you remember the first time you’ve ever driven a car? How did that go?: Yeah.

Who did you last say “I love you” to?: Glenn.

When did you last feel beautiful?: Yesterday I had a little "moment."

Are you currently frustrated over something?: Yeah. Our wedding photographer hasn't gotten back to me regarding the status of our photos and I'm livid. And panicked.

Would you ever like to travel to Ireland? Or have you ever been?: I'd love to someday.

Have you ever had a yard sale?: I don't think so.

Do you enjoy going to yard sales or garage sales?: Not particularly.

Do you know someone with a big ego?: Yeah.

What color is your most used blanket?: It *was* white once upon a time but it's much more gray these days.

Does it annoy you when people type in all caps?: I guess so?

Do you like gummy bears?: Love 'em.

Where is your favorite place to grocery shop?: Wegmans or Aldi.

Have any plans for the day?: It's Friday! Kathleen's picking me up in a little bit and then we're gonna go grab food and have a sleepover.

[weraceasone]

so happy to see you happy at work!! like yeah tell us more abt it!! brag it!! own it!!!

hi sweet anon!! I wanted to wait to answer this ask until I actually had the time to answer it properly 🫶🏼 (and I felt like I also wanted to give an update on my whole uni-dropout-story, because I actually haven't done that in a while so here we go).

first of all, thank you for saying that, that's so nice!! it's funny because I feel like I am most famously known for hating work, like. maybe I sound really lazy or entitled when I say this but if I didn't have to, I just literally would not work, because I just don't like it. that sounds terrible, doesn't it?

however, I feel like I always put so much pressure on myself in the past to get it right somehow anyway; to find something I thoroughly enjoyed, which was also something that earned me good money and felt socially acceptable (as in: I felt pressure to do something that was the highest achievable for someone like me) and that's probably why I felt so stuck when I was still studying. because I did not like it. everything that's like, a really good paying job and a position that people will be impressed by, requires you to work at least 40 hours a week and sit in an office and answer emails in your free time and that's simply everything I hate, because I just don't like working.

now I'm in a situation where I have a job that doesn't require me to do any work after I've finished work because it's kind of difficult to board an airplane from my house and they do send emails but it's literally only weather updates regarding airports in other countries (and I have to admit I haven't read any of them in like two weeks). I work at extremely odd hours but that also gives me so much freedom, like I'll have the whole afternoon off on a random wednesday and for me personally, that works so well because I get overstimulated easily and I feel like in this way I actually have time to calm down and feel okay again before I see friends/start my next shift/anything really. and what makes the waking up at odd times so worth it is simply the bonuses you get, I only have to work around 30 hours to achieve a salary that's comparable to a 40-hour work week. how insane is that!! (also it feels like such an unserious and silly job. I have a friend who works at a bank and that sounds sooo serious and then I'm over here telling people that no, they're not allowed to bring a hamster on an airplane. it's so silly)

and I feel like by dropping out of uni, I also took off the pressure for myself to know everything about how my life should and will be. I just put so much pressure on myself to have it all figured out, and now I just don't know. I have a job that is enjoyable enough for me to stick to it for the foreseeable future, but if I want to do something else in the future I'll just find a way to do that. also, I have completely stopped worrying about what other people think of my job and whether it's is socially acceptable enough or not (none of my friends cared when I dropped out and none of my family cared. so, why should I care what anyone else has to say about it?). this realisation completely solved my anxiety honestly, I haven't felt nauseous for such a long time, whereas before I literally could not eat for months because of my anxiety. for now, I'm just sooo glad everything worked out and I'm earning good money and I can save up and I actually have time to do the things that I want in my free time like I'm so happy with that!! I can't believe I was fighting for my life during that uni course only five months ago, when it feels like a different life now.

this got so long and also made me realize I need to stop and be grateful a little bit more often, so thank you for making me realize that anon!! I hope you are having a great day🧡

[icantstudyillstudy]

So I'm back I guess?

Turns out a lot of my issues with school and studying could be attributed to a few things:

ADHD

Autism

Generalized anxiety disorder

Lack of practice.

So lemme just offer some background:

I was homeschooled for middle and high school.

Started a multimedia and video program in community college in 2018. It was a lot of graphic design type stuff and I couldn't draw, which it seemed like I needed to be able to.

Transferred to a different C.C. a year later to study music.

Turns out that college didn't have a music concentration, even though they advertised one. I took maybe 6 or 7 unique music classes while there.

Graduated with an AA in lib arts and an AGS in "general" earlier this year (2022).

Now I'm going *back* to school at yet another CC for an AAS graphic design. I still can't really draw.

I'm also trying to figure out if I want to get a Bachelors or further in anything, and if so, what.

So yeah.

I'm starting again this Winter/Spring semester, and I'm a little anxious. I have three graphic design classes and intro to social work, to see if that would fit my interests.

Now, usually, I can't do a full course load, but this new school's graphic design classes are 7 week courses, so I have two in the first seven, one in the last seven, and one 15-week classes. The week before spring break, I'll have one class to worry about and that's it.

I'm nervous, honestly. I want to do well but I don't want to overwork myself again. I'm coming up with systems for what assignments to prioritize or blow off, and when to say an assignment is good enough.

I can't just read it intuitively. I'm a perfectionist with overachieving tendencies, because I was the people-pleasing gifted autistic when I was younger, and I'm still working through it.

If you're like me, though, and you don't know these things either, let me know! I'll gladly share whatever I can, but if I mention something you want to know more about, send an ask or message or something; I'm prone to forgetting. Keep me accountable and I'll do the best I can.

Thanks for reading, and if you have any tips, send them my way, please!

[lucyglassesstuff]

Dealing with: Fears and Doubts.

Insecurities I think is a better fitting name for it.

I'm- scared. Ha ha.

Yeah, how surprising. I told you most of the thoughts I have start in a similar way.

Anyway, that's this post's topic.

I published a grand total of two things by the time I'm writing this and I'm already doubting it.

What's the point of doing any of it if no one ever reads it? What if no one ever reads it? What if I'm wasting time and effort on this? What if, what if, what if.

The answer is quite simple: You push through.

I'll be fine either way. I know I will.

It doesn't make much to stop the thoughts from coming, but makes enough to allow me to do it anyway.

I think- After many many little tiny baby steps that lead me here- I'm in the phase where I'm starting to quite literally kick myself off the edge of the cliff.

You go and triumph girl! Fly!

I picture myself falling and screaming knowing damn well I just jumped off that cliff because I know I'll fall into what I want.

And- don't let yourself be fooled. I'm not doing anything that's oh so out there and risky and bla bla.

I started to post.

That's it.

And for me, in my context and with my social anxiety and fear of rejection and all the issues that I can't remember to name, is a HUGE jump.

I'm aware there's people who do it without even blinking. Not even a second thought after publishing the thing.

Whatever the thing might be.

I love to pretend I'm confident.

Some people buy into it.

It's fun.

And I guess in some ways I am.

Because I'm not- Shy, per se. I'm actually quite loud and bold and unapologetic, but I do am insecure.

I doubt- a lot of what I do.

Wich doesn't make me stop doing it just- Gives me anxiety.

Is a constant war between "I'm not going to change because of what someone else may or may not think of me" and "What if everyone hates me and I'm super annoying?"

I want to be real and authentic and happy and free and etc etc but I also want to be liked.

Is that possible?

YES.

Yes it is.

And Mejor solo que mal acompañado, right?

Yeah.

Again, is a very contradicting way of thinking. But I suppose that's all of us. In some degree...

See? I just doubted myself there again.

Long story short my life is now basically an ongoing cycle of being scared of something and then convincing myself to do it anyway.

It's fun.

Keeps me on my toes.

What will I force myself to do next?

I'm kidding, I don't force myself, I softly persuade the hell out of myself.

Maybe it has something to do with how my family works...

Oh yeah, might I clarify, this is a- Well- How would you describe it...

Instead of presenting you any final ideas on a certain topic, I'm just rambling about how I deal with stuff.

I keep thinking about how to organize the whole thing. How do I separate this type of post from the other ones and honestly what is the main difference between them.

Should I put a small summary on the top of it so you know more about what I'll be covering?

Should I just format the titles differently? With the font or the titles themselves?

It's a whole thing.

But then again: I want to make a point of proving I can still do it even when I haven't figured it out yet.

In all honesty I'm just scared I'll freeze in planning mode if I don't push myself to just do it.

I want it to be cohesive and easy to go through once I've posted more things.

Oh I have big big plans.

And I'm still trying to figure how to lay them out.

And of course, they make me scared: What if I fail? What if they don't work? What if I change my mind? What if let myself down? What if my expectations are to high? What if the punch of harsh reality blows my inspiration and confidence away and I loose all the progress I made so far? What if-

Oh my God, girl stop.

You sound hysterical.

Inhale exhale, c'mon. One two.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Once more.

It's gonna be fine.

Don't panic.

And I mean, it's okay to worry sometimes, it's inevitable. Fighting against it is exhausting too, so I opted to just let it happen and then I'll sit with myself to calm me down in the most loving and patient way I can master.

Loving and patient.

For a scared and panicked me.

It works better than it sounds, truly.

One of my most useful new tools.

Is not an easy tatic but is quite simple.

You should try it.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

...Feeling kinda “weird” about all the people I’ve seen in the past year or so saying that Raven is/was immature, needs to grow up, etc...?

I mean, communication and such are definitely skills that need honing and growth.

But, like...

Her “attitude”? (If somebody is being an idiot, why does it make you “the better person” to let them continue on making a fool of themselves? Why not correct them? If somebody is being cruel or unfair or dangerous to you or anyone you love, why is it considered “bigger” to love them right back? what does that even accomplish? Real talk, NOTHING.)

Isn’t it more mature to be honest than to cover your feelings, opinions, and honest personality with politeness and propriety?

You ask me, propriety is actually the immaturity option, because A) people can’t handle reality, whether it’s your personality, bad news, whatever, so you soften it up for them? Like you’re baby-proofing your interactions the same way you baby-proof your house?

And B) It takes focus away from what is really, genuinely more important.

I will never advocate that “customer service people should be kind, smily, outgoing,” whatever. They’re there to ring out your groceries, let them do that without expending energy lying to you. If you’re being rude, we both know you don’t deserve that smile, so why waste the energy?

Propriety (in a situation where there’s Tension or Displeasure) dictates that one person or another either lies about their mood, or lies about the interaction. So why is it “the bigger person” to say, “I’m going to lie about how much I like you right now”?

That’s all it is, lying. And I thought that was a BAD thing.

[onlyang3ll]

Hello! I was wondering if I could put in a request with drew starkey? Where drew x readers meet cute is in a bookstore? All fluffy and the reader is really shy and she knows who he is so she’s a little anxious?

Nice To Meet You

a/n: OK I love this, and I sure hope I did your request justice. I really loved writing this one. I did not proof read all of it, but I am just exciting to get it uploaded. I could honestly make this into a few parts If some are interested in that. like little events from them meeting while on vacation. so please b kind, and give me more requests for drew or race that you wanna see! LOVE YOU ALLL<3

warnings: NOTHING I guess swearing. just fluff

word count: 1.5k

Being on vacation is fun. Until you run out of books to read. I packed three books for my two week long vacation and my e-reader. But of course I forgot my charger, so now only a week in I need a new book to read while laying out on the beach.

So that is where I am, a cute little indie bookshop in the town of Charleston. My family vacations here every year. As I walked around and eventually found myself looking through the romance section, I picked up a book I have been seeing going around everywhere.  As I was reading the synopsis of the novel, I felt a presence beside me.

A light cough caught my attention, lifting my head. I was met with someone I felt like I recognized, but couldn't figure out how. “If you're thinking about grabbing that book you definitely should. A friend of mine was talking about it the other day.” The man smiled and nodded towards the book in my hands. I gave a smile back, “Yeah, I heard great things, I think I'm gonna grab it.” I normally wont hold conversations long with strangers, even super attractive ones. So I gave a nod and started to walk down farther to look at a different section of the shelf.

Why did I have to be such an introvert? This man, who is breathtaking to look at and seems so familiar, was trying to start a conversation with me I think. And what do I do? Shut it down, because I can't help but be shy.

“Are you looking for a certain book?” The voice of the man spoke again, “I don't work here but it seems like I should with how often I come in.” He let out a small laugh. I turn around to face him, suck it up and just talk to him.

I took in his height, damn he is tall. Then his blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. That's when it hit me, this freaking rafe from the show outer banks. I think his name is Drew?

He stood up straight, running a hand through his hair, and cleared his throat. Oh my gosh I have been standing here silent like an idiot. My cheeks flush, how embarrassing. “Sorry, um, no not really searching for one specific book. Just need a good beach read. Here on vacation and I already read through all of my other books I brought along. Well I did bring my e reader too but forgot my charger, so that's really no use to me.” Just then I realize I am rambling and this famous actor doesn't care about my problems, so I just stop talking abruptly.

Social anxiety level is high right now. Like how do you even have a conversion with a famous person. I dont wanna freak him out if I admit that I know him.

He just chuckles a bit, “Oh damn how are you enjoying your vacation so far, besides the fact of running out of books to read?” He teased, playfully. I gave a nervous smile and turned to glance at my shoes, “it's nice, we come every year.” I am trying to look everywhere else besides his face. If I don't make eye contact, maybe I won't make a fool of myself. “Oh nice, I love it here. Currently I am here working.”

I assumed that. They must be filming the next season for the show he stars in. “That is cool,” that sounded rude. To make up for the lack of enthusiasm you smile, holding out your hand, “nice to meet you, i’m yn.” Shit my hand is sweaty, I cant pull it back now, his much larger hand grabs on and gives a little shake. “Drew,” he smiles sweetly at me. “I know,” I mentally slap myself. “I mean, you um look familiar, sorta pieced it together after you just said your name,” I pulled my hand back which he still had a grip on.

Drew smiled, “oh so you watched the show?” he did not sound cocky saying that, like i normally assumed most actors would if they were recognized. I just gave a small nod, then went to look at the book I held in my hands. “Would you wanna maybe grab a coffee with me?” He pointed to the little cafe section of the bookstore. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, having an internal battle with myself. I had no plans for the rest of the day besides laying out, but it has been sprinkling rain on and off all day so that is not very important. But what if i can't seem normal. Or ramble more like I did earlier.

“We could read together and just chat, or not chat. Whatever you want” Drew spoke up again, looking down to watch my facial expressions. I glanced and he was just beaming with this happiness and it sorta made me feel less anxious. “Sure, that sounds nice.” My words came out before I could even think about it anymore.

Maybe it's better it happened that way. Because now thinking about it, I want to create some crazy scenario to be able to leave.

“Let me grab a book, you grab a spot in line for the drinks and I will meet you over there.” He smiles and I nod while making my way to the line.

After we both ordered our drinks, him getting a simple black coffee with two sugars and my order being a hot green tea with lemon. He insisted on paying due to him being the one that invited me to enjoy coffee with him. I did not have the courage to fight back, he paid with a smile and placed his hand on my lower back guiding me to a table along the window.

He seems like a proper gentleman. Then I noticed he grabbed the same book as me. I smiled while taking a seat. “Figured we could read the same book, maybe chat about it.” His smile was so kind, “Yeah that sounds nice..” After taking a sip of my drink, we both got to reading.

It was nice being able to converse with someone about the book and being able to share thoughts and opinions. He is very smart and well spoken. After a while my nerves slowly faded away, and so did the sun. We had been sitting in the bookstore cafe for five hours. Halfway through the book, I look up. “I kept you here for the whole day, I apologize for that..” Drew laughed a bit, setting his book face down and open so he doesn't lose his page.  “No it's okay, I had no other plans, the rain ruined my beach day.” I shrugged.

“Well I am glad it rained, because if it hadn't i wouldn't have been able to meet such a cute girl and convince her to spend her day reading with me” He winked, and smiled. My cheeks instantly turned red.

Before I could say anything else, Drew moves to grab my pen that I had out to annotate the book, and takes a clean napkin writing down something on it. He slides the pen and napkin over. It's his phone number scribbled on it. “Give me a call, text, facetime. Really anything, let's keep this little book club going. I don't want to keep you any longer, can't let you be late for your dinner.” He remembered my dinner reservations with my parents that I mentioned. We both stood up to gather our things.

As we made it out of the bookstore, the rain was not that bad but I flicked open the umbrella I had in my tote bag. “It was really great meeting you, I had a super chill time.” Drew turns to talk to me face to face, smiling. “Me too, thank you again for the drink” He waved it off, “I would love to see you again before you leave, and will be waiting for my phone to ring.” He grabbed onto my hand and brought it to my lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand.

I don’t think I have ever met a guy that is such a gentleman. I smiled, and just nodded. “A lady of very few words, yet I feel like I know exactly what you're thinking,” He teased, dropping my hand gently. “Okay be safe, and have a lovely dinner.” He started to walk backwards, I waved with my free hand that wasn't holding my umbrella. “Goodbye, Drew.. Talk soon.” As he disappeared from my view, I took a glance into my bag to make sure I grabbed everything from the table. I grabbed out my book to use his napkin he gave me with his number on it, and placed it in my book to keep my page book marked.

Taking a glance at the front of the book and rereading the title. ‘People we meet on vacation’

Hmm.. how ironic that is. I laughed to myself and made my way to dinner.