#and maybe i can move past some of my trauma that i relate to this site to

[mysticheathenn]

Why Are Your Ears Ringing & Other Signs?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is for my Patreon All Tiers. This pick-a-card reading is all about the signs you may have been seeing recently and the possible reason why your ear has been ringing if you know you don't have tinnitus.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

Extended Patreon Includes:

What Can You Expect?

Extra Messages (If applicable)

MasterList

Patreon Link

Pile l:

Why are your ears ringing & other signs? Tarot: 5 of Swords (Clarified by Justice), 3 of Wands, Page of Cups, Queen of Cups, 9 of Pentacles.

Multiple messages for your pile. This energy pile l feels like you are releasing a lot of pent-up emotions. If you haven't or are in the stage of releasing your emotions this is the reason your ears have been ringing or you have been seeing certain signs lately. You may be the type of person who holds in a lot of their emotions to either keep the peace, trauma-induced, or because you hate feeling anything other than okay/happy. So you go about your life pretending as if you don't have feelings while bottling up everything unfair and wrongfully done to you. Some of you maybe releasing your mommy issues or if not releasing you are coming to terms with it. You are finally coming to the point in your life where you are accepting that your mother or whatever female figure in your life will not change and become the person you need them to be and you can either accept that and adjust your relationship to keep your mental health intact or decide to go no contact because of how tired you are. Others of you are healing you heart chakra and coming to terms with your past, heartbreak, or the realization that everything is going to be okay and it's safe for you to open up again. Slowly but surely I see you opening your heart to others who are more deserving to be in your life pile l. I literally feel a weight being lifted off of my shoulders as if this has been a burden to you for a while now. You are finally able to breathe and move through life without having to constantly remind yourself of the past and what the past has done to you. Some of you probably replay the things in life where you feel you are still owed an apology or something in that realm. You are coming to terms with the fact that the biggest thing you can do for yourself is to move on and heal because it's not getting you anywhere except being hung up on someone or something that is moving on with their lives. I'm hearing the quote " Now that I know better, I do better." Now that you know you need to establish certain things in your life you are moving forward with what you need to do in order to bring this healing energy of having your heart chakra being healed and open to the world around you. Patreon Link

Pile ll:

Why are your ears ringing & other signs? Tarot: Queen of Pentacles, The Emperor, 4 of Cups, Death, 9 of Swords.

This reading is divided into two messages: Love & Money. For those who resonate with money issues, this is you being tired of putting in the hard work only to continue to keep being placed further back. You feel as if every step forward you take three maybe even five sets back. For others of you, who relate to the love portion this is you getting tired of putting in the work for a specific relationship or in love in general and you feel that you are at a crossroads and aren't sure where you go from here. Either way, this pile is all about being tired, feeling anxious, and wanting a change in your life that doesn't result in depression, lack, and feeling inadequate. Change is coming pile ll, but this change I feel for some of you, you're the reason it's not happening. Maybe you know what you need to do in order for this change to happen but you are too afraid to pull the plug because you are scared or aren't sure what the next move is after you pull the plug on this business idea or love situation. Pull it. Pull the plug. You can't expect change if you aren't going to be the catalyst for it. Others of you that are not the reason for their own lack of change, this change will come in waves and just like waves you're going to take a few steps forward and then a step back but overall you're going to see the bigger picture to keep going because the changes are leading you to a better life and situation than where you are now. Also, this is a specific message for some of you but when a certain opportunity comes it's way do not look a gift horse in the mouth and question that it maybe a trap. Take it by the horns and see it for what it is, a gift. Everything in life is not a conspiracy theory or plotting against you. Life wants you to have good things but you need to start showing up more for yourself, listen to your intuition and not your heart, and move forward. Patreon Link

Pile lll:

Why are your ears ringing & other signs? Tarot: 6 of Cups, The Hanged Man, Ace of Wands, 6 of Pentacles (reversed), The Priestess (clarified by 9 of pentacles)

You may be seeing the number 666 or were possibly drawn to pile l. Instead of healing a mother wound or your heart chakra, this feels more like you are on the brink of healing your inner child or even past versions of yourself. This feels more like you didn't have all the things you wanted growing up because your family grew up poor or your parents just weren't the type of parents who wanted to see you thrive unless they had a thumb on you expecting you to do things in return for something else. This feels like you are coming home to yourself. Congratulations from Post Malone comes to mind.

"My momma called, seen you on TV, son Said shit done changed ever since we was on I dreamed it all ever since I was young They said I wouldn't be nothing Now they always say congratulations Worked so hard, forgot how to vacation They ain't never had the dedication People hatin', say we changed and look, we made it Yeah, we made it" - Congratulations by Post Malone

Maybe people counted you out and doubted you about being able to achieve what you are about to achieve or made you feel bad for liking the things that you like. This pile just has healing, relief, and freedom, but also chaotic energy all at once and it's hard to tap into because while you're on the brink of greatness you also feel as if you aren't doing enough especially if you are feeling as if you are in limbo or a standstill. That's possibly why you are seeing the angel number 666 because you are lacking balance. 666 means other things as well but balance is the main thing coming to mind. Balance and healing things that you didn't know you needed healing. The energy feels like that moment when you see YouTube creators who have put in work for years finally break even and they cry on camera thinking about the past and everything they have been through. Sorry if your reading is everywhere but it's the chaotic energy I feel for this deck. Things will happen swiftly for you...just relax. What is for you won't pass you by. You're close to running on E, please take care of yourself. Patreon Link

Pile lV:

Why are your ears ringing & other signs? Tarot: Hanged Man, 2 of Swords (reversed), 2 of Cups, The Fool, 8 of Cups

For whatever reason there is always that one pile where someone is in a relationship they need to leave and this is it. Except this time around it's a bit different. You are no longer contemplating whether you should leave and if you are you will come to the realization that it's time for you to get back to yourself. You want to know who you are in this new era you are walking into. I feel you probably have lost yourself in this past relationship or current relationship that you are in to the point you feel it has spread throughout your life to where you are in limbo or at a standstill with everything. You aren't sure where to go, what to do, in order to explore who you are again but slowly and surely you will find out exactly who you are and who you are meant to be. This pile is going to be a bit shorter because it's quite self-explanatory and I feel you probably choose this same pile over and over again from my other readings because you either have yet to leave, your energetic field is still holding onto the past and not focusing on self-betterment (becoming your highest self), or because you are just now stepping into this new beginning. This energy all I can say is very beautiful and I feel you will enjoy this new sense of adventure as you find yourself again in this new chapter. You may even discover things you didn't even think you would enjoy while others of you I see you reverting back to things you loved as a child/adolescent. I believe this is something people always made fun of you for and you decided to stop doing it because others deemed it as "uncool." I'm excited for you pile lv. Patreon Link

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

[mo0nfairy]

I gotta see a part of yandere Leon where reader remembers him as they get through los Iluminados maybe some yandere in action lol (at least only if you want to!)

part 1. part 3. part 4.

tw :: obsessive!leon, yandere!leon, mention of drugs, framing, handcuffs, stalking, trauma, guns, wounds, heights, being locked up.

⸺ ooooooo !!! i've been meaning to make a part 2 of my last ask, but had zero idea where to go from where i ended. i also had played a bit of RE2 before the remake came out recently, so a piece of my brain has been kept up in raccoon city for a little while. i would love to express my thoughts and mesh these two games together !!

let's start with where we left off in los iluminados.

upon having your handcuffs taken off by the stranger who is far too close for comfort, you pace backwards, far away as you can get from this insanity of a man. his attitude abruptly shifts into something softer, a major contrast to the emotional breakdown he had just seconds prior. he realizes you're afraid — afraid of him. and as much as the mere thought destroys him to the point of breaking down again, he shoves a sob back down his throat and keeps his distance, despite how desperately he wishes to close it.

6 years. 6 years. he has been waiting over 2,190 miserable days for this single moment. all the sleepless nights spent searching the world for you; all the hopeless nights spent clinging to pillows, praying by some miracle it will somehow become you. every second of these past 6 years has been spent dreaming of this single moment. and even though your reunion wasn't the teary-eyed, passionate kiss in the rain he had hoped for, you are still here with him nonetheless.

and like hell will he let you slip from his grasp again.

with as much time as his needy self would grant him being physically away from you, he is soon at your side. leon then wraps you in his jacket and you swear you hear a harsh gasp escape from him when his finger accidentally makes contact with the skin of your neck. despite your negligence and more-than-obvious discomfort, you do appreciate the new warm embrace after a week of cold rain and damp clothes. it smells exactly like him, as well.

and with that, he's got a gentle hand hovering over your lower back as he guides you through the depths of this hellhole. and piece by piece, memories that had been buried in your brain begin to disinter themselves.

for example, you got a staring problem bro?? for the entirety of the time you spend with leon in los iluminados, there is literally never a single moment where this mans eyes are not on you. half of the time it is to ensure you are unharmed, but the other half consists of him staring in complete and utter awe. it's kind of hard to focus on surviving when leon is constantly staring into your soul. but it has just been so fucking long since he has been able to see you in all of your glory, so please excuse him for any inappropriate behavior on his end.

also, you knew you have lived in raccoon city for a short period of time before the events of RE2 happened, but like everything else that relates to that damned place, you couldn't remember a thing.

except now. leon's gaze uncovers a memory you have of yourself being held in one of the RPD holding cells. the atrocious scent, the uncomfortable bench, the paint peeling from the walls. you try and scrutinize what on earth you could have been arrested for, but your attempts are merely futile. but unbeknownst to you, your arrest was nothing but bullshit. and to say leon has had a crush on you from the second you moved into RC would be nothing short of the truth. so, by pulling some strings, the rookie had managed to lock you up for what he calls 'bonding time'. he'll place a chair backwards in front of your cell, prop his arms on the backrest and admire you with your full attention finally on him (instead of just stalking you around town).

two things you now remember about this man: he was so adorably baby-faced back then and my god, was he awkward. he still cannot talk for shit and i mean this with my whole heart. his sweet, innocent eyes gaze at you while he tries to play it cool, pulling cards like "yeah, i workout" and "you come here often?". all as if he hadn't personally arrested you for possession of illegal substances he planted himself. (nothing will happen to you, obvi. he just desperately needed a second alone with you to show off how charismatic he can be. or try to be, at least).

and for the short second of seeing him after 6 years, his eyes were just devoid of any life. you had assumed the trauma inflicted from that night had caused such a contrast in his physical appearance, and you would be right to assume that. but the soulless eyes, monotone voice, and lackluster personality was entirely due to your disappearance. days upon days of the lonely, eternal torment destroyed his sanity. however, that illustrious boy you can barely remember seems to have returned with your presence.

another thing you can't believe you had forgotten was how intense his stare is. the way he stares is illegible and sometimes overwhelming. he shivers in his stance, whimpers at your every move, and his mind runs rampant with all sorts of obsessive declarations of love. although it may seem creepy to others and especially yourself, do not fret. he has no ill intent towards you, god he could never! this puppy-dog of a man is simply marveling at your sheer existence.

you are able to retrieve another lost memory when you have to jump from a window and into his arms (for those who say he won't be able to catch you, stfu. have ya'll seen how beefy his arms are??? anyways....). the secret agent you have grown to like during your stay in los iluminados jumps down marvelously (most def showing off his james-bond-esque agilities to you). he now watches from below as you stare at the distance beneath you in trepidation. this distrust you have — he is going to travel to the ends of the universe to fix it. no matter what.

you begin to ponder, he has savagely brutalized all threats in your path and held your hand as if he were holding the world all in the same breath. you should trust him, especially after witnessing the pure display of loyalty he has for you.

"don't be afraid, y/n. i'll catch you, i promise!" there is 10000% a way to walk through the house and down the stairs to get to him, but ofc he's not gonna tell you. why would he willingly throw away the opportunity to be your knight in shining armor?

"you will?" your voice is full of apprehension. his stare on you feels like the same bullets he's forced upon your attackers.

"always."

with that, you rip the bandaid off and jump from the ledge. and leon was most certainly not lying. you land safely in his embrace and he wraps his arms tightly around your form. and to finally have you so close, after so, so long of devastatingly praying he could feel you once more.......... if he had a tail, it would for sure be wagging so fast it would morph into a blur. and the way he holds you is different, as if his gentle nature is reserved for you and you only (which it is. this is literally him in a nutshell).

and when you had instinctively buried your face into his neck upon landing, clinging to him out of fear of hitting the ground, he literally melts. i'm serious, he literally just 🫠🫠🫠🫠. the faint hum of laughter and adoration that escapes his throat breaks you out of your state of shock. you made it safely to the ground without breaking every bone in your body, hooray! (as if there is a single reality in existence where leon would ever allow that to happen, but i digress).

you meet his gaze and there is that all-too familiar stare he gives you. leon's arms holding onto you like a lifeline uncovers a memory you have of yourself being held like this all those years ago. you can't recall exactly where in raccoon city you were, but you can remember how humiliated you were when you tripped over a crack in the pavement and ate shit. there was the fairest of scrapes against your shin, but the mortification hurt far more than any wound. while you dust yourself off and attempt to ignore the burning stares of pedestrians, a shout of your name sparks your attention.

the RPD gear and besotted eyes you're met with could be no other than that baby-faced rookie. you ponder of what he was doing on this side of town. was it a simple coincidence you had run into each other? or perhaps, had he followed you? just when you think you can't feel more embarrassed, leon gets down on one knee and dramatically inspects your wound. and my god, he acts like you were shot or something. he visibly shudders from the sight of your leg; people begin to gather around the commotion. with pure ease, he then scoops you into his arms to bring you to safety. you can feel his heart pound like a machine gun beneath the palm of your hand.

despite the humiliation deprived from this event, you fortunately are free from anything mortifying in los iluminados. however, leon doesn't seem to understand when to take a hint.

"uh... you can put me down now." you come out of your memory to thrash in his grasp and avoid his intense gaze, but your prince charming seems to still be caught in his y/n-filled daze.

after a few long seconds, your comment seems to finally reach his brain. "huh?" his response is faint and you almost don't hear it.

you repeat yourself and begrudgingly, leon then slowly puts you back onto your feet, savoring the last few seconds spent with you in his arms. exactly where you belong. you can only fear how much more suffocating affection you'll have to endure before you can finally remember what happened that night.

i think someone legit needs to slap me across the face and bring me back into reality cause holy shit...... i went WAYY too far with this. my brain is a mess thank u for reading.

i have more thoughts about this........ just incase u were curious........ ;)

[timmie-p]

guys. guys. guys. !!!!

Ivan: Pfft

Ivan: Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to…

.. but it doesn’t matter because you’re not going to see me anymore. Seeing you like this makes me feel relieved, like I’m not the only one who’s twisted.

Sua: What..?

Ivan: You don't want to be the tragic heroine who sacrifices herself for her, do you? Are you feeling miserable and sorry for yourself?

Hypocrite~ All you do is avoid responsibility, blame it all on your opponent and run away

Ivan: You’ll be nothing more than a left behind trauma to Mizi.

Sfx: Urgh!

Sfx: Flick

Ivan: See, in the end it’s all about yourself

👀‼️⁉️

this is massive characterisation moment besties !! what is happening!!!!!!!

i wonder what sua did to get a red collar and psychoanalysis from ivan ‼️⁉️ and why doesnt ivan have a collar! is this being a good obedient child special privileges..

so it looks like to me: sua took the fall for something related to mizi and got punished (red collar) —>

ivan comes to be smug, says she’s twisted because she doesn’t actually want to sacrifice herself for mizi and is just putting up an act —>

she’s feeling sorry for herself because she’s being punished for something she didn’t do, ivan says she’s a hypocrite that doesn’t take responsibility —>

implies that she’s going to die (?) and will be nothing but a trauma in mizi’s past —>

sua is hurt by his words and runs away, ivan takes her non-rebuttal as proof that he’s right and she’s selfish

i think sua tearing up is supposed to mean she does care about mizi and is offended ivan would say such a thing (but also maybe internally admitting to some of it?? idk)

i think this is the most sua focused extra info we’ve gotten so far 🤯 hope someone else can actually figure out whats going on lol my mtl translations are in the flop era 🙏 i do not know what theyre talking about just making guesses out here

+ extra thought what does ivan mean by not going to see him anymore… was sua moved to isolation or something??

[leoserblog]

Ok this might be an unpopular opinion but someones gotta say it...

Cassandra is a better Casey Jones than Casey Jr

Ive gotta be honest... i think casey jr is a kinda mid and i dont particularly think all the fanfare about him is warranted LOL

I want to note real quick that i dont DISLIKE him! He is a good character who only got as much development that a 2 hour movie could give him, and he filled and satisfied the role he needed to play in the movie, but the way the fandom latched onto him over the og casey... kinda makes me raise a brow

(Essay/rant about the prioritization of casey jr vs og casey under the cut :P)

Fandom spaces love a traumatized boy from the future, and believe me i do too! But the amount of attention given to casey jr after being revealed as casey is a wild amount compared to the amount of attention the original casey gets. Maybe its just me getting into rottmnt after the movie aired, but this seems a little baised?

Not only that, but the amount of... idk the best way i can think to describe it is infantilization of casey jrs character isnt helping my opinion of him. It feels like most content surrounding him babify him and reduce him only to his trauma post movie. I understand that it can be interesting to explore his trauma now that he no longer lives in the literal apocalypse, but it feels strange to see him reduced to someone who cant get around on his own and lives with the turtles when the original pitch for the movies ending has him leave to explore the world, which i feel is very appropriate for him and wish they had kept it in

In the movie when april shows us where the og casey has been and what shes been doing throughout the film, it tells us that casey is friends april which in theory, shouldve also shown us that she and the turtles are friends to some degree as well and should already have her place established within the group as this generations casey jones

However the final shot of the movie is a group shot of the family+casey jr, which subtlety implies that he's the new casey instead, and that this is the main cast moving forward (should it move forward *sob*). While both caseys being considered in the main cast could be true, it does strike me as a little odd that this was the final direction the rot team decided on for the official ending versus the scrapped ending, especially because it complicates the pre-established canon. It wouldve been one thing if our og casey was a different character, but that isnt the case.. y... (<_<)

Casey jr is an interesting character though! And i can understand why he appeals to fans, especially as his character post movie is fun to expand on aswell as developing his past involved with future versions of the main5, but one (me lol) could argue that the og casey is just as interesting of a character to delve into as she was involved, when you boil it down, a cult most of her life, and that concept, as well as the guilt she could hold for working with the foot and releasing the shredder, ontop of trying to befriend and gain the turtles and aprils trust are also intriguing concepts that could be explored, yet finding content that mentions her at all beyond her relation to casey jr is scarce

It feels as though shes been reduced to a background character within the fandom despite being a reoccuring character for the entire show.

For the two seasons of rottmnt that we did get, we are shown just what kind of character casey is and her possible dynamics with the turtles+april. Shes passionate and powerful and beyond determined to prove her worth and reach her goals. Shes also playful and reckless, a side that fits well with the main cast and their humor and, if the show was given more time, couldve developed naturally as the newest addition to the family as most caseys are. I could also argue that her characterization fits that of previous caseys more than casey jrs does (though i will admit that considering the plot of the movie, i cant positively say what hed be like outside of life or death scenarios, but i also cant imagine hes going to make a 180 in personality without it feeling jarring and ooc)

Now, i wont ignore the fact that her arc was cut horribly short and her involvement in the movie was quite literally a brief mention, both of which definitely play into how under appreciated she is. But at the same time it almost feels like everyone, including the show runners, have willingly pushed her aside for this new boy version to fill the role of casey jones. Hell, even when you look up rottmnt casey jones, cassandra barely shows up. Its casey jr which further proves my point

Idk, TLDR im pretty disappointed that despite being a consistent character for the entire show, no one seems to write or acknowledge her and if she is mentioned, its only relevant to push forward casey jrs character development or a brief cameo. As much as i do love casey jr (i can feel like hes mid and i can like him!) it seems like most people forget about the original casey, or favor casey jr in her place and she deserves more love and credit than shes given!

[genericpuff]

Hi! So this is coming from a place of genuine concern, LR Persephone isn't going to have DID right? I know you probably can't reveal much but DID is already a very stigmatized disorder so I'm always worried when I see the Signs, I hope you understand lol

I understand fully your concerns, and I hope I can reassure you in my own intentions regarding Kore / Persephone that the goal is not to demonize or stigmatize DID in any way. I actually do regularly interact with a family member who's currently seeking an official diagnosis for it, and have my own firsthand experiences with my own mental health and symptoms of childhood trauma that are intersectional with that of DID. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm immune to stigmatizing, but rest assured that I am aware of the stigmas surrounding DID and the misconceptions that a lot of people have about it, no thanks to how it's been portrayed in mainstream media.

If I can add some additional and necessary context as to why I chose to write Kore like this, much of how I'm writing her is based on how she was initially presented to us in S1 of LO, particularly through the personification of her wrath:

I really liked this concept and was subsequently disappointed when it seemed to get left behind (though considering how LO turned out, maybe that was for the better lmao) I've always enjoyed these "inner conflict" character dynamics, but I also understand from years of writing characters like this that much of these types of tropes are often intersectional with common misconceptions and stigmas surrounding personality disorders and mental illness.

Within the context of Rekindled, Kore does not specifically have DID but her experiences are clearly intersectional with it. Ultimately my goal is to empathize, not demonize. As much as "Persephone" may be currently presenting herself as a sort of snarky "alter ego" of Kore, she is not evil, no more "evil" than Kore herself, because they're ultimately of the same mind and body, flaws and all. Persephone is often speaking truths that Kore is simply not willing to admit or able to face, the worst of which we've yet to uncover, but will be necessary to overcome. There will certainly be times when Kore's actions - spurred on by the voice of Persephone in her ear - may be ugly or wrong, but I hope in the end that I'll achieve my goal in expressing that everyone - even immortal gods - can always have another chance to heal, to forgive themselves for their past, and to do right by themselves for the sake of a brighter future. This will apply to other gods in the story as well, many of whom also share Kore's struggles and experiences.

And, assuming I do my part and deliver on my promises, there will be closure for Kore/Persephone, the readers who relate to their struggles and experiences, and many of the other characters who were hung out to dry in the original comic. That's definitely one of my biggest goals with this retelling, at least! (•̀ᴗ•́)و It's definitely one of my riskier moves as the nature of the subject is very sensitive, but I'm giving it my all in the hopes that it pays off in a more nuanced and in-depth character arc for Kore/Persephone than what we got in LO that can hopefully be embraced as a message of acceptance and self-love. And y'all can hold me to that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[cloudy-em]

Howl headcanons for reader who may struggle to accept intimacy or affection due to trauma from past bad relationships? (Howl’s Moving Castle)

hey babe! sorry it took so long but i LOVE howl and this idea is great! (possibly really relatable as well - long story short, my boyfriend is amazing and it was hard for me to accept so much affection for a while)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Howl is an affectionate man

Like, bro is constantly touching you

A gentle guiding hand on the small of your back, a kiss on the back of your hand, or resting his cheek against the top of your head

For a while though, it was too much for you

Not that you disliked it, it was just a huge shock

Howl didn't understand at first

"I don't understand how someone could disrespect a person like you"

You tried to claim it wasn't disrespect, trying to justify the poor treatment in some way, but Howl wasn't having any of that

"You didn't deserve that," he'd say firmly

For about a month, he doubted himself, worrying that maybe he was overdoing it, so he stopped the affection altogether

But you missed it, so you came to him

"Howl," you started shyly

"Can you maybe go back to, you know, all of the touching?" you asked

And Howl was happy to oblige

He immediately picked you up by the waist, spinning you around

"Of course, my love" he said

[thefreakandthehair]

@eddiemonth prompt, oct 14th: Roomates | Come As You Are - Nirvana | Impulsive a/n: oops, this got smutty. (lex writing smut without 50k words first? what?!) steddie, bathtubs, handjobs, getting together, they're so in love it makes me sick <333 read on ao3 | link to masterpost on ao3

Eddie’s body aches. 

Not just today, not just because it’s rainy and damp. He hasn’t hurt himself recently, and he’s not recovering from a stage-diving related injury. His body aches because some days, it just does. 

No one leaves the Upside Down unscathed, least of all Eddie. Months of beeping machines and hourly checks in the intensive care unit turned into less frequent interruptions in the main floor. Slowly, this turned into home care at Wayne’s new trailer and, eventually, moving into a small apartment with quite possibly the most consistent surprise since that week from Hell began: Steve Harrington. 

It’s been strange, having Steve around so much. They work as roommates, knowing one another as well as they do. They’re never in the other’s way, maybe because they’re rarely ever apart when they’re in the apartment anyways. Besides, Eddie’s never hated the guy, just what he once stood for and maybe some of the company he’d kept but they’d never been friends either. Eddie’s not even sure if they’re friends now, truthfully. Most of his friendships have come about based on shared interests, not trauma or monsters. 

And definitely not shared baths. 

Eddie’s body aches, so Steve does what he’s done since he started helping Wayne care for Eddie in the earliest days of his recovery. He draws him a bath, and sits with him in lavender-scented warm water. Eddie hisses as his skin adjusts to the water, some wounds and scars still sensitive to temperature, as he sits in the space that’s been carved out for him over the past year between Steve’s legs, his back against Steve’s chest and his legs straight out in front of them. 

As his body acclimates and his muscles begin to relax, his head tips back to rest against Steve’s shoulder. It’d all started innocently enough, with Steve helping Eddie bathe in the earliest days of his recovery. But day by day, bath by bath, Eddie loses another layer of clothing, and then another layer of shame, until all that’s left is raw vulnerability in the comfort of Steve’s embrace. 

He’s not sure if they’re friends because as Steve carefully shampoos and rinses his hair, pours warm water over his shoulders, and massages the tightness in his neck, Eddie thinks they could be more. After all, he can count on one hand the number of friends whose cocks have been this close to his ass. On one finger, really. It’s just Steve. 

Eddie’s body aches, and for long moments, he sits with the silence that’s become comfortable between them as he thinks. His body aches for more Steve, for his hands to drift into the very few places they’ve yet to explore—

“Steve, at what point does this become uh, not platonic?” 

The words are supposed to stay in his head. The question is supposed to be a hypothetical one to himself that he never gets an answer to because he’ll never ask. His impulsive mouth gets the better of him. 

Steve doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t release the luxurious pressure of his thumbs into the knot he’s discovered between Eddie’s shoulder blades. Instead, Eddie feels his chest rumble with soft laughter before he responds.

“At what point did I say that it was?” 

“Well, we never said it wasn’t. Guess I assumed.” Eddie shivers and tilts his head to the right as Steve sweeps his hair to the left and presses his lips to the side of his exposed neck.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Ed, but I don’t make a habit of sitting dick-out with my friends in bathtubs. That’s just for you.” His lips trail from neck to shoulder to collarbone as his hand glides from where it rests on his stomach lower, lower, lower. 

“Steve…” Eddie whispers, hips moving on their own accord. 

“Can I touch you? I’ve wanted to touch you like this for so long.” 

“Please, yes, please.” Eddie’s nearly embarrassed by the sound that escapes him, something akin to a whimper, something desperate. Nearly. 

He’s too far gone already to actually care because Steve wraps a hand carefully around Eddie’s hardening cock and glides slowly from root to tip, exploratory. Eddie’s surrounded by Steve and water and both make him feel weightless. 

This isn't going to last long, he knows.

Up and down, up and down, as Eddie falls deeper and deeper into a trance, nothing but their quickening breaths and the undulating, sloshing of the water around them. Steve sucks a few small bruises into his skin on top of his shoulder before working up and gently nipping at Eddie’s ear. 

“How’s it feel, baby? Feel good?” Steve whispers, hot and wet right into his ear. 

“So fucking good, should’ve said something so much earlier, Jesus Christ,” Eddie groans, letting one of his arms float up and tangling his fingers in the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck. 

“Mmm, yeah, should’ve. I should’ve made it more obvious too though, how fucking bad I’ve wanted you. So long, Ed, so long.” 

Eddie’s hips roll up and Steve wraps his free arm around Eddie’s torso, holding him close, safe. “I’m close, Steve, God, don’t stop, please.”

Steve's lips graze his ear as he keeps going. “I’ve got you, Eddie. I’ve always got you. Go ahead, come for me, baby. Let me see.” 

There’s something in the way Steve says always that sounds like a promise, an oath, and it knocks Eddie over the edge. He comes with a silent shout, his head dropping back to Steve’s shoulder as he feels rope after rope coat Steve’s hand and be swept away into the water. 

His ears ring and his vision goes white, the only outside stimulus that breaks through is the feeling of Steve's hands on him and Steve's voice. Distantly, Eddie registers Steve praising him, talking him through his orgasm, telling him how beautiful he is. Eventually, his body goes limp and Steve swaps arms, using his clean hand to turn Eddie’s face by the chin. He captures Steve’s lips against his own, an awkward angle for a first kiss, and it’s not lost on Eddie that Steve’s now had his dick in his hand before they’d even kissed. 

They’ve never done anything traditionally anyways. 

“Eddie?” Steve starts, breaking the kiss and looking at him with glassy eyes and a crooked grin. 

“Yeah?” Eddie returns the smile.

Steve pushes a piece of wet, curly hair out of Eddie's face. “I meant it, what I said. I’ve always got you, for as long as you want me to.” 

Eddie’s body aches with a truth that he’s known for at least a year, one that he wants to say aloud. One that he hopes Steve feels, too. 

But tonight’s been a night of confessions already, and Eddie can’t help but feel that tonight is just the beginning, the beginning of many more nights with plenty of opportunities for declarations and commitments. 

“Careful with those promises, Stevie. That might be a really long fucking time.” 

Steve hums and kisses him again, soft and slow, one hand in his hair. 

“Good.”

[justmeinadaze]

I Have Nothing (If I Don't Have You) Part 7 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I was going to release this later but it may be a week or so before I post anything written again because I'm moving. I was writing a lot more these past couple of weeks because I was avoiding packing lol Any way please enjoy the angst.

Warnings: Security Guards/Softly Dom Steddie X Sub Singer Fem reader, I AM PUTTING A DARK THEMES WARNING ON THIS! There is not smut but much angst dealing with addiction and overdosing. Y/N does have a slip and ends up in the hospital. There are talks about her ex and her parents involving trauma. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!

My inspiration for this chapter was "Dancing with the Devil" by Demi Lovato so that should give you some idea of what you're heading into.

Word Count: 4538

“I’m here with Y/N Y/L/N a few months after her cancelled tour and I think I speak for everyone when I say you look amazing. How have you been?”

“Aw, thank you. I’ve been doing really well actually. I’ve been sober for about six months—”

“Congratulations!”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. It’s been hard but I’m trying.”, you giggle. 

“We’ll we’re all routing for you and are extremely proud of you! Now Y/N, I have to ask, do you have any comments in relation to what your ex has been saying in recent interviews.”

Eddie growled low at the question and Steve quickly placed his hand on his shoulder to calm him. 

“Um, I mean, Simon can say what he wants. Our relationship was tumultuous to say the least but I’m not allowing him to bother me anymore. I’m in a new healthy relationship and I’d rather focus my energy there.”, you softly smile as your eyes hastily shift their way before coming back to the interviewer. 

“Oh my goodness. You are just wonderful. I love it. Do you have any news for us on a new tour or maybe a new album.”

“Right now, I don’t have any plans for another tour but I am working on some new songs so hopefully you guys will get to hear them soon.”

“Well, we’ll keep an eye out and thank you for meeting with us today!”

“And we’re clear!”, a tech guy shouts and the interviewers smile promptly falls. “Oof I need a drink. Alright Y/N, thank you so much doing this.”

“No problem. Thank you for blind siding me with your question about my ex.”

“Hey, he wasn’t on the list of no go questions I got from your team and it’s not like I’m not going to ask when he’s blowing up every form of social media.”

Rolling your eyes, you stalk away from her and out of the studio into a hallway. 

“Hey! You okay?”, Steve asks after they both follow you. 

“Yeah. I can handle bitches like Becky Stone. I’m struggling a bit with Simon though.”

“I can understand that. Fucking dick has been everywhere since you started getting sober.”, Eddie sighs as he reaches up to pet your head. “You did really well out there.”

After checking your surroundings, you lean in and wrap your arms tightly around him. 

“I’m so glad you both are here.”

***

Steve wakes up to the sound of music playing in their living room and you not between them. You had started spending a lot of time and nights at their house saying it made you feel safer. People didn’t know where they lived plus your house was littered with memories you were trying to heal from. 

“Hey you. Why are you awake?”, he asked when he found you on their couch strumming your guitar. 

“I just had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep so I thought I’d come hang out here.” You smiled as your eyes scanned over his nonprofessional demeanor. Most of the time they were on guard securing you so they were dressed well and alert. In calm moments like this, you found them to be the most attractive. Steve’s honey brown eyes radiated a softness you hadn’t seen in a while. Him in only his black sweats allowed you visual access to the muscles in his arms that made you feel safe and secure especially when he held you. His chest and stomach were always extremely kissable especially when you pressed your face into him after they would make love to you or when you were falling asleep. 

When Eddie was at home and relaxed, he usually sauntered around in his boxers and a band shirt of some kind. Curling up in his warm embrace and broad chest was one of your favorite things to do as you kissed his neck and ran your hands along his skin under his attire. 

You loved being able to let down your own guard with them and allow them to take care of you in more ways than one. 

“You know you should really learn to play, Stevie. With those beautiful hands, you could have all the ladies swooning.”

“Oh?”, he chuckles. “What if I only want one girl to swoon over me?”

“For that you can just use your hands for other things.” 

He laughs again when you wink and smiles before patting his knee for you come sit on. Placing your guitar to the side you, you go to him, and seat yourself horizontally in his lap, resting your head in the nook of his neck. His palm gently caresses your bare legs as his other rubs along your back. 

“Do you want to tell me what you were dreaming about?”

“I don’t want to make you feel bad.”, you coo as your voice dips into that little girl tone telling him all he needs to know.

“Was it about Simon?” Steve kisses your forehead when you nod. “I can understand that. You went through a lot with him and his more recent need for attention isn’t helping. You know, though, we would never let him hurt you again, right?”

“I know, baby.” 

He grins when you place your lips on his. 

“Come on, honey. Let’s wake up Eddie and see if we can help get you to sleep.” You giggle when he stands up with you in his arms and carries you back to the bedroom. 

###########

“God, I hate Becky Stone.”, Sarah sighs before taking a bite of her food you guys had brought her. “But you did phenomenal, Y/N.”

Grinning at her, you glance towards the boys who playfully smile back before Eddie gestures with his eyes towards your own food silently telling you to keep eating. 

“I’m still working with our lawyer about Simon and getting a cease and desist but there’s only so much we can do because it’s just him flapping his gums, you know.”

“I know. I mean fuck him right?”

“Yes, ma’am. Of course, the three of us will do whatever we can to keep him away from you. Speaking of…”, she turns towards your security. “How did the interview go with Pearce Security? I know we’d hate to see you guys leave but that is an amazing company.”

Their wide eyes find yours as everyone freezes. 

“Um, we think it went well. We haven’t heard back from them though.”

“Good. If they need a recommendation…or…anything…Y/N, are you ok?”, your agent asked as she gave you her attention. Your eyes were closed as your breathing became a bit more erratic. No, you were not ok; you were panicking. Sarah grabbed a pen off her desk and threw it in their direction. “You assholes didn’t tell her?!”

“We didn’t want to worry her if we didn’t get the job.”, Steve explained. 

“Of course, you’ll get the fucking job. You both are good at what you do!”, you shout. 

“Y/N, honey, breathe.”, Sarah tried to soothe. “You two leave and let her calm down.”

Nodding, they exit the office and wait in the lobby. An hour passed before your agent’s door finally opened and your seemingly calm demeanor sauntered out, swishing passed them as you headed for the elevator. They followed you silently till you got to their car in the parking garage. 

“I would like you to take me home, please.”

“I…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Well, Mr. Munson, I don’t pay you for your ideas. I pay you to secure me so, please, secure me home.”

“Really? You’re going to throw a tantrum and we’re not even going to talk about this?”

“Oh, Mr. Harrington? NOW you want to talk? Honestly, there’s nothing to talk about. I really hope you do get that job. You’re great at what you do. Hopefully, your next client isn’t someone that requires as much up keep as I did.”

“Y/N—”

“Mr. Munson, I don’t want to hear it—”

“Yeah but you will!”, Eddie interrupts. “This right here is exactly why we didn’t say anything. We knew you would take it personally when quite frankly, sweetheart, this has nothing to do with you. This is our dream, Y/N. Just like with you and singing.”

“If we decided to take this job, we’d still be here for you, honey. You’re our girl. We…we love you, Y/N.”

Tears began to fall as you hugged your arms around yourself.

“People who say they love me abandon me or use me. Don’t love me. Just go and forget about me. You both deserve better than me anyway.” As you start to walk away, Steve grabs your arm but you promptly smack him before running.

Both men are hot on your trail before losing you as you jump into a cab and it speeds away. 

##############

“FUCK!”, Eddie roars as he throws the pen he was using against the wall. “She’s so FUCKING STUBBORN! That’s a no on the hotel by the airport, Harrington.”

Both men had been hunting for you since you disappeared. Not playing games with them this time, you turned off your phone entirely so they couldn’t track you. They checked your house as well as any place you might normally be and had yet to find you. Currently they were calling every hotel in LA searching for any name they thought you may be under to no avail. 

“Sarah’s right. We should have talked to her.”

“She’s still so fragile, Munson. We didn’t want to rattle her if we didn’t have to.”

“Oh yeah, Steve, because this is fucking better. Yeah! What?!” Eddie’s phone had vibrated to life with a number he didn’t recognize and he angrily answered without thinking.

“Heeeey Eddie.”

The metalhead’s head shot up as his eyes met Steve’s at the sound of your slurred voice, quickly putting you speaker.

“Y/N? Sweetheart, where are you?”

“Oh, honey, you don’t have to be so nice to me anymore.”, you giggle but there’s a huskiness behind you tone that tells them wherever you’ve been you’ve been crying.

As soon as they realized it was you calling, Steve went to work trying to find you. Your phone was still off but the number you were calling from was local. 

“Ok…you don’t want me to be nice?”, Eddie sighs as he switches gears shifting into his more dominate tone. “Tell me where you are now, little girl. You already scared us half to death. Now, where are you so we can bring you home.”

“Home… I don’t have a home… This is ma life, sweetie. Gah, what was I thinkin’ pretending to be sober?”

Steve grabbed the phone from his friend and handed him his own. 

“Y/N, you weren’t pretending. You were doing so well. If you slipped because you’re scared that’s ok. We’ll still love you, honey.”

“Stop. Saying. That.”

“What? Telling you the truth? I LOVE YOU!”

“STOP!”

“I love you to, sweetheart.” Eddie flashes Steve his screen showing him the number that you’re calling him from IS from a hotel that’s not too far from them. 

They pause when they hear knocking on your side of line. 

“Y/N…Whose there with you, baby?”

“Don’t love me. I deserve…I deserve men like him. At least I know what to expect…”

“Y/N! Did you OD in there or what?! I’m all alone out here.”

“Y/N.”, Steve warns at the sound of Simon’s voice as his tone drops into a strong authoritative growl that pushes through your inebriated brain. “You are not safe with that man. Do you hear me? Tell me where you are NOW.”

“I can’t—”

“No. This is security Steve and Eddie talking to you. You are in danger. We know what hotel you’re at but we need the room. If you don’t tell me, I swear to God Y/N, we will kick down every door searching for you. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. I…I’m sorry.”

As soon as you give them the room number, they grab their keys, and run towards their car. 

“Listen to me very carefully. Stay where you are and keep the door locked. We’re on our way.”

The sound of you heavily inhaling through your nose makes them cringe in anger. They weren’t angry with you but themselves. They should have been up front with you and told you everything; reassured you that if they did move on to a different job they’d still be there for you because they cared about you so much. 

You started saying something to them but it didn’t make any sense. 

“Y/N, you’re slurring too much. I can’t understand you, baby.”

Eddie pushed his foot on the gas as he sped towards the hotel. He knew what that meant and knew they needed to get to you.

“…I say…I…love…you.”

***

They don’t even bother knocking, the door banging open as Steve kicks it in. 

“What the fuck?!”, Simon drunkenly hollers as he tries to get to his feet. 

“Stay down.”, the boy warns while Eddie runs into the bedroom and pounds his palm on the bathroom door. 

“Y/N, it’s Eddie and Steve, sweetheart. Open the door.” After counting to five with no answer, his boot connects the wood and it swings open. Finding you on the floor passed out, he collects you in his arms, and lightly taps your cheeks. “Y/N, open your eyes for me, pretty girl. Come on, now.”

“Yes, we need an ambulance now!”, Steve yells into the phone as he grabs your ex’s collar and forcefully shakes him. “What did she take?!”

“Jesus, I don’t fucking know. Get off me.”

“What do you mean you don’t know!?”, he shouts as he smacks him hard. “She didn’t have anything on her so whatever she took YOU brought!”

“Oh please.”, he slurs. “She fooled you with that sober routine? Small town whores like her never change. Trust me.”

Steve punches him in the face, throwing him to the ground before running to the bathroom and watching as Eddie rubs your back as you throw up in the toilet.

“I know. I know it hurts, baby. You have to get as much of it out as you can.” Collapsing into his arms again, you cried into his neck as he rocked you back and forth. “Good girl, princess. Stay with us, okay? Everything’s ok.”

##############

Sarah fiddles with a keychain on her keys as the boys and her wait to hear anything from the doctor. As soon as the guys called her, she ran down to the hospital sporting her jeans and a pajama shirt. Eddie had offered her his jacket which she appreciated.

What she didn’t appreciate, however, was when Jack (your ex-agent) sauntered in with a smugness that made all three of them want to hit him. 

“Wow, Sarah. You had her for what, six months, and she ODed. Good job.”

“Fuck off, Jack. Why are you even here?”

“Because you’re going to need me for something this big. After six months of sobriety, she overdosed on a hotel bathroom floor with the ex who’s been badmouthing her to the press in the next room.”

“I think you forget; I was her publicist. I know how to handle the press and her image. To be honest, that’s the last thing on my fucking mind.”

“That should be the first. At this rate no one in this room is going to have a job. Either she’ll kill her reputation or herself.”

Eddie angrily rose to his feet to confront the man but Steve hastily grabbed his shoulder. 

“Get the fuck out. She fired you, you’re not welcome here. Get. Out.”

“As far as I can tell, you two are the ones that shouldn’t be welcome. She’s never been this bad.”

“Oh please. She was worse before we came into the picture but you were too greedy on the money she was bringing in to notice. As long as she continued to sing and bring in income, you didn’t care how wasted she was!”

“Last time I checked, you boys are security. You’re not her father or boyfriend—”

“Sure, because men like Simon and their opinions about her matter so much more.”, Eddie growled. “And last time I checked, her father doesn’t care about her either. She needs people in her life who give a damn.”

“Yeah well, you can take that up with her parents because I called them.”

“You what?”, Sarah asked as she rose to her feet as well.

“She’s their daughter.”

“Since when?”, Steve accused. “That was not your call to make. Their judgements are the last thing she needs right now.”

“For Miss Y/L/N?”, the doctor calls as he comes around the corner. 

As everyone moves forward, Eddie places his palm on Jack’s chest, stopping him and motioning for the security guard behind the nurse’s station. 

“This man is not with our party and he has no family or relatives here. If you could escort him out we’d appreciate it.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO NEED ME, SARAH!”, Jack shouts as they drag him towards the exit. “This is about to get out of control!!”

***

“So, she’ll be ok?”, Sarah asks as she anxiously adjusts the blanket by your feet.

“Yes, ma’am. You got her here just in time it seems. Legally, we have to keep her for 72 hours for observation but even if we didn’t I would anyway. She had a lot of drugs in her system… I know she’s an alcoholic…Thankfully we didn’t find any in her stomach. I fear if she had been drinking…”

“She’s been sober for about 8 months.”, Steve murmured as his fingers reached down to gently caress your arm. 

“I see. Well…slip ups are normal. Honestly 8 months without one is a quite a feat. She should be proud of that.”

“Knowing her, she won’t. She’s going to wake up and blame herself.”, Eddie sighed as his eyes scanned your sleeping face.

The doctor could only nod before he finally continued, addressing the boys. 

“We do have security watching the doors to keep out fans and paparazzi. Is there anything else we should be aware of or people we should be on the lookout for?”

“That idiot we just threw out said he called her parents but they’ve never come to California before and I really don’t think they will now but I have a picture of them from her social media. I can give them to your security.”, Sarah confirms.

“Also this man…”, Steve flashes the doctor his phone. “Her ex is not allowed anywhere near her. If we can keep him out of the hospital entirely that would be great. He ran off before EMS arrived.”

“Simon Gates?  That’s the one the police are looking for. Ok. We can do that. She’s safe here, guys. I promise.”

Eddie offers Sarah a chair after the doctor leaves but she shakes her head as she gathers her things. 

“Now that I know she’s ok, I’m going to go home real quick and change. I’ll post a statement and get anything else from her house she may want. I assume you two aren’t going anywhere?” She grins when they nod. “Ok, good. I’ll be right back.”

As the door swings shut, the metalhead reaches out to touch your face. 

“This is our fault, Steve.”

“Eddie—”

“Look at her!”, he hisses through his teeth. “Look at her. We should have told her the truth. We asked her to put her faith in us and we still fucking hid something from her.”

“I know! I fucking know but THIS is why I thought we didn’t tell her.”

“How do you think that made her feel?! That we didn’t trust her enough to handle news that involved our future, a future that we want her to be a part of!”

They glared at each other before turning in the opposite directions but the sound of groaning got their attention as they towards you.

“Hey. Hey, pretty girl. How are you feeling?”

Your eyes took in their worried exhausted demeanors as you remained silent. 

“Honey, are you ok?” Again, no response as you shifted your gaze towards the wall behind them. “Y/N, baby, please. Talk to us. Tell us what’s going on inside your head.”

Sighing, each boy took a seat as you quietly began to cry.

***

“Uh, Mr. Munson?”, one of the guards called as he poked his head into your room. “There’s a man out here claiming to be your uncle.”

Flashing the man a quizzical look, he headed for the hallway, bewildered by the sight of his uncle who was leaning against the wall waiting. 

“Wayne? Hey, what are you doing here?” Extending his arms, they hugged each other before Eddie nodded at the guard. 

“I saw on the news Y/N was hospitalized so I came down as quick as I could. With the way you talk about her, I knew this would be hard so I didn’t want you two to be alone.”

“You didn’t have to do that but I really appreciate it. The doctor said physically she’s doing much better but she hasn’t said a word since she woke up. We’re concerned.”

After entering your room, Steve stands to shake the man’s hand as Wayne comes around to sit in the empty chair beside him. 

“Sweetheart, this is my uncle Wayne Munson.”

Your eyes flick towards him for a moment before shifting them back where they were causing both men to glance towards each other nervously. As the night droned on, you listened to them talk to each other until a nurse arrived to check your vitals and bring you something to eat.

“Y/N, honey, you have to eat.”, Steve cooed as you stared at the tray in front of you silently. 

“Hey, uh, boys why don’t you take a break and go get some coffee. Bring me a cup as well, hm?”, Wayne suggested giving the man pause. 

Tugging on his sleeve, Eddie ushered his friend towards the door knowing that his uncle would keep an eye on you while they were gone.

“My nephew says you have an extremely beautiful voice. He would definitely know. Kid’s been into music since he was born. His mom used to rock him back and forth when he would cry and sing some old songs from musicals she loved.” Wayne’s eyes shifted towards you but as soon as they met yours you looked away. “There was one she used to sing all the time from that one movie with Olivia Newton-John and he would just giggle up at her.”

Rising to his feet, he nonchalantly removed the plastic around your fork and opened the can of ginger ale they had brought you, pouring it into your Styrofoam cup. 

“You remind me of her a bit. She was such a strong woman… I remember once, when she found out she was pregnant, she asked me ‘Wayne, what if I fuck up?’ and I told her that if she did that’s alright. Nobody is perfect. As long as you keep trying and keep working to move forward…if you falter…then, sweetheart, it’s ok.”

Your bottom lip trembled as you absorbed what he was saying.

“My brother, Eddie’s dad, never tried. Even after my nephew was born and his wife passed, he just kept getting worse till he ended up in jail.”

Lifting your cup, he brings the straw to your lips and flashes you a small smile when you take a drink. 

“God, I wish I could remember the name of the song his mom used to sing it was something like ‘But now there's nowhere to hide since you pushed my love aside—”

“I'm out of my head…Hopelessly devoted to you…”, you sang in response making his grin grow.

It was just then that the two of you realized Eddie and Steve had been standing by the door watching everything unfold. 

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

############

That following morning, you still weren’t very talkative but the guys were content with the fact that at least you were eating and doing things the doctors suggested. Whenever there was lull in the room, Eddie’s uncle would talk to you about random things making you smile occasionally. 

Commotion in the hallway, however, grabbed their attention as they slipped into security mode and commanded you both stay put. As they entered the hallway, a couple of photographers were being held back as doctors ran through with a gurney into an awaiting operating room.

“What’s going on?”, Steve asked in a firm tone.

“Police found the boyfriend. They’ve been trying to revive him but nothing is taking.”

“Ex-boyfriend. What do you mean revive him?”

“A friend of his called saying he passed out on their floor. They found much harder drugs than what your client had.”, the hospital security sighed. 

“Shit.”, Eddie exhaled as well, walking with his friend back to your room only to find you both gone. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

It doesn’t take them long to find you, skidding past an open door where you and Wayne were standing. The man kept a firm grip on your arm as you watched through the glass in front of you while nurses and doctors did what they could to save Simon.

“Honey, you shouldn’t see this.” 

Steve reaches for your hand but you promptly yank it back. 

“I’m not glass, Steven. You can stop treating me like any little thing is going to break me.”, you whisper.

“I see we’re back in our old mindset. Wayne, would you mind?”, Eddie asks as he gestures towards the door. 

“I’ll be in her room. Be gentle, Edward.”, he warns making the metalhead nod.

“Sweetheart, this…”, he continues as he points towards your ex. “…this isn’t a little thing. Don’t treat it like it is. You need to feel what you’re feeling.”

“Stop. Stop talking to me like child.”

“Fine. Then let me talk to you like a boyfriend who loves you. That was you 36hrs ago… own it.”

“Y/N, you didn’t fail just because you made a mistake. You did the right thing by calling us and getting us to you. You could have been like him and ran but you didn’t. That’s a wonderful improvement. The old you would have been in jail or worse.”

Your head hung as you begun to cry and Steve gently reached out with his fingers to lift your chin. 

“You deserve better than me.”, you reply in a hoarse voice.

“And you, baby, deserve better than this.”, he absently gestures around the hospital room. “The problem is you don’t believe it.”

Beeping fills your ears and the three of you turn just in time to see the machine flat line as the doctors in the room exhale heavily. 

Your knees gave out and Steve quickly caught you, falling to the floor with you as he pressed your head to his chest. Eddie sunk down beside you, his hand petting your hair as they listened to you sob. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. Everything’s ok.”

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for everything. I love you…”

“Shhh. It’s ok, Y/N. We love you to. We’re right here. We’re not going anywhere.”

Series here

#####################

@rckstrbee @melodymishahiddlestan @nailbatanddungeon

@siriuslysmoking @micheledawn1975 @cositaslua

@munsonmoonshine86 @unfocused81 @paleidiot

@dad-steddie @aol19 @strngrlytn @mrsjellymunson

@needylilgal022

[moonsorchid]

Why Love Between Fairy and Devil is more than a drama for me

I think one of the reasons I am so obsessed with LBFAD is that it is incredibly healing for me. I have some mental health issues, mainly traumas from a past relationship and from my professional life, which have made me numb. For years I can barely feel joy or sadness or any other emotion, apart from fear and anger, cursed to be perpetually in a fight or flight mode.

Seeing DFQC being devoid of emotions is so relatable. Well not in the villainous sense it is depicted in the show, but if my feelings were a tree, it would be cold and in decay.

Just like Xiao Lanhua revived his emotional root, this show has revived my feelings as well. I fell in love, I laughed, I cried, I empathized with their pain and sacrifice.

Also, I love fantasy and escapism, I love watching movies, tv shows and reading books. I am a fan of LOTR, Star Wars, Harry Potter, MCU, but the past few years I could barely watch or read anything. I lost focus and nothing could help me escape reality or use my imagination and creativity. This is the only show which has managed to have such a healing effect on me and I can't move on. I don't know if it is due to the production, the story, the characters, the worldbuilding, the acting, (Dylan's amazing performance *cough cough* ). I am guessing it's a combination of all the above.

If someone told me a year ago that I would be addicted to a cdrama, and I would be watching multiple cdramas after that, I wouldn't believe it. I didn't even know they existed. And now a year later, a show about a fairy and a supposed devil (if only devils were such puppies like him), has rekindled parts of me I thought were gone forever. And the best thing is that I can finally watch and read (maybe even write) stories again. I thought I had lost my ability to escape in them for good.

[ivesambrose]

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ June Mini Messages ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

1. 2. 3.

Apologies for being MIA for the past month. May was rather overwhelming but let's intend June does a complete 180 🤍

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DM or email me at jovescorpioreadings@gmail.com to book

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Gif 1

The central theme for you this month is to spend time around those who keep you afloat.

It's also important for you to assess how you feel around, during and post interacting with some people, places, information and situations.

Additionally stay hydrated this month.

Infact your body might crave more fluids in the form of soups, smoothies, juices etc

Expect new friends who are more supportive and compassionate towards you given you return the same energy.

Some of you may be starting a business or work of some sort or maybe even investments. Might be slow initially but will be successful in the long run.

Anything that you have started with determination towards the middle or end of May or the very start of June will pay off by the end of this month. This could be something very physical related goal either body, health, studies of any kind, business, finances, creating something tangible etc

You might feel indecisive in regards to something this month. Go within for clarity you don't have to have to make the choice till you're sure. Alternatively, priotrize meditation and detachment instead of overconsuming media or information.

By the end of this month you'll feel more confident in yourself and your leadership qualities, more stable in your health and life aswell. Might even get a tattoo that means something to you.

Gif 2

Relationships is the central theme. Be it romantic, platonic, familial, interpersonal and self.

There is grief here that you have been suppressing and carrying. You may resort to comforting yourself with food for this.

Some of you might have gone through or will be going through some inevitable endings. Although rough will make room for the fresh start that you have been avoiding because the old felt too comforting.

You'll see a silverlining in your circumstances. Infact if you've been going through a sense of loss and disappointment for a long time this will finally come to an end. Some past traumas and experiences might mentally resurface for you so you can acknowledge and heal yourself as well as your inner child. Infact, this will be an excellent month to cater to your inner child the most. You deserve joy.

There will come a time you'll start feeling at peace. Some of you might even start getting proper 7 - 8 hrs of sleep.

You'll realize any form of supression and isolation that you've been feeling is mostly mental. But soon enough you'll break free from it too.

By the middle of June things will start speeding up as you feel more lively and renewed. Allow yourself to move forward, things aren't stagnant as they may have been.

Gif 3

Perfecting the balancing act in your life is the central theme this month. You're a great multitasker but for this month fixate on what's been you're calling for the longest time.

For a lot of you it's been all work and no play or you stretching yourself too thin trying to cater to strangers or people who take too much from you. You'll be pushed to drop it.

There is something that will bring you financial reward. Enjoy it without guilt.

You'll be priotrizing your success. It's all a matter of focus. 'I am successful' not, 'I'm working towards my success.' it's time you realize you can't constantly treat yourself as a 'work in progress' for so long that you end up associating yourself with the narrative permanently.

More focus on aesthetics and personal style too this month. Followed by team work and proper partnerships.

Keep some things personal to you not everyone has the best of intentions.

For some of you, there's someone who admires you deeply but you can't seem to open up or trust them even though they mean well. Give them a chance.

You'll be mastering your emotions and channeling them into creativity.

By the end of June you'll see that the universe has been looking out for you all along. Something unexpected that makes you enthusiastic and allows you to be free spirited. Seize that chance and let it take you where you've desired to be.

[honeygrahambitch]

My favorite hypothesis in this fandom are probably those related to Hannibal's trauma about speaking Lithuanian. And if you are not familiar with the povs, they are basically that Hannibal would use Lithuanian words as love language for Will OR that he would just never want to use that language ever again cause it's way too stained by what happened in his past.

I, in general, love the idea of him using some words only with Will but this time I have a headcanon which considers the second option.

If Will and Hannibal had a baby (doesn't matter how, your choice) I think that Hannibal would manage to overcome his trauma and build something on that only by teaching his child to speak Lithuanian.

I am 100% a hannigram baby would be a multilingual baby. Cause Hannibal speaks french and italian and lithuanian and I'm pretty sure a few other languages as well and he would love his kid to learn some of those.

Will is happy with whatever he decides but he makes a comment at some point, as subtle as he can (not subtle at all). "What other languages can you speak?"

"I can do a bit of japanese." (Makes sense, his aunt was japanese, he had grown up with her at some point)

"That would be a bit too difficult for a toddler." Will goes on, still being subtle.

"I agree." Hannibal says. "But she is doing great with italian."

"I know, I think she taught me a few words yesterday." Will adds. Multilingual kids are not always aware when that they change a few languages in just one sentence. He is thinking of how to approach it. "Maybe you could also try something different?"

"Like german? I thought about that as well."

"No, not german..." He replies thinking of a reason. "It sounds bad."

"Then something slavic? I haven't practiced in years but at some point in my life I could do croatian well enough."

"Why would she need to know Croatian, Hannibal? The alphabet is too hard for a kid who is doing other two languages as well."

"Then what were you thinking? I have exhausted my list, dearest." He is amused with Will who is very neutral towards his impressive skills.

"You haven't exhausted it." Will says. "Yet."

Hannibal gestures for him to go on and explain.

"I was thinking our kid should be somehow more connected to our backgrounds."

The flicker in Hannibal's eyes dies instantly.

"We won't move back to the US and I want her to know a lot of things about it."

"Mhm. The US are sure not the elephant in the room." Hannibal says passively. "Just move on to what you've been trying to say for 30 minutes."

"I am not saying that you have to, I'm just saying that you should teach her Lithuanian. And me as well." He says softly and blinks a few times, trying to analyze the emotional battle that is going on inside Hannibal's head.

"I haven't spoken or written in Lithuanian in 40 years, my skills would lack."

"But that's not the problem, is it? We both know they wouldn't lack."

Hannibal sighs as Will sits on the sofa next to him.

"I know that's a whole tower in your memory palace, which I am trying to access. And I know you don't like it. And I also don't want to push you too far."

They had a lot of time to work better on their communication issues in the last years. You can't solve every conflict with a knife when you are trying to raise a child in a healthy atmosphere.

"I agree with the fact that she should be connected to our backgrounds. It's just... difficult."

"You have said before that Lithuanian reminds you of... everything. But I really believe that if you taught our kid Lithuanian, you wouldn't view it in the same light again. I think you can make something beautiful out of it."

"It makes me remember people that I will never talk to again. And that is something which will always be burnt deep down in my memory palace. If I take up Lithuanian again, then everything else comes to surface too."

"Make something else out of it. Make it the language you speak to your child, not a language that is stained by your past. Use it to call me in stupid cheesy ways that would probably sound like swearwords."

Hannibal cracks a smile when he sees the dumb look on Will's face. He knows he is trying his best not to hurt him.

"You are right, it's not phonetically pleasing. Not like Italian or french or-"

"It's yours, it will be phonetically pleasing to me."

**

Oh and it takes time. And it takes some processing. But they are getting there.

When their daughter is 14 she switches between languages very comfortably.

Will loves to watch her and Hannibal argue in Lithuanian. He has learnt enough words to tell what they are talking about but it's always more entertaining to watch.

Nothing softens Will more than being called mylimasis.

[pestorik]

can you please expand on deuce/riddle ??? im rlly curious abt them tgt in your AU,,,,

(if you have the time i would also love to read abt azurid & mallerid :D ! no pressure though! im mostly interested in deurid ^^)

the riddle ship trifecta...

i enjoy them bc i think riddle really needs a calm presence in his life that makes him feel like he can act in ways he never had the freedom to do before, without feeling judged or made fun of. whether that is acting childish and silly or just expressing emotion freely. he's obviously really sensitive to being teased so he needs someone who is ok with that and just finds joy in his joy.

i relate to this a lot bc i myself am a very sensitive person, and get emotional really easy but im also very cynical and dry, so i think ppl see that contrast and find it funny. which is fine, but i get hurt or annoyed really easily by teasing bc i think what i really want is for someone to see how easily i get emotional (like crying at almost every movie i watch) and rather than seeing it as smth weird and funny, they recognize my empathy as something good. i want someone to see the value and worth in my emotions, no matter how trivial they seem.

and i think riddle needs that too. deuce isnt super smart but i think he's really earnest and riddle would appreciate that about him. he shows a lot of self awareness in recognizing how his past actions hurt his mom, and realizing he needs to be proactive if he wants to be a better person. very few ppl are willing to admit when they are the problem. he's just a very soft guy, but like, passionately soft. he wants so bad to be good. and i think he would want so badly for riddle to be happy, it would become really important to him just like his mom's happiness.

malleus is super honest about his intentions, which i think riddle needs bc his lack of social skills leave him anxious. he probably would get too frustrated having to play games and guess feelings. malleus just has a super calming presence and riddle needs that so bad. i think they are both pretty awkward bc of their upbringing so maybe they could find comfort in each other, knowing there's no judgement.

azul is none of these things lol 😂 i do NOT think these 2 would be a perfect healthy couple but i enjoy their dynamic. riddle is sensitive ofc but hes also super smart which is why i like the thought of them together. the two top students, not really in a competitive way, more like they recognize each other's weaknesses but also highly respect each other. to the point that they wouldnt ever make a move against the other. i could see them having a more loving relationship but in my mind they are more like a power couple lmao. like two powerhouses joining forces. i do think seeing riddle trying to overcome his own trauma and be a nicer person could inspire azul to do smth similar, realizing that if he likes and respects riddle, there must be some value in kindness without reward.

none of these would be canon in the AT au unfortunately, at least not in my mind (you can do whatever you like with it tho, it also doesnt mean i wont still talk/draw about it). there would definitely still be interactions among them with plenty of room for interpretation. obviously the most between deuce and riddle bc they are both HL.

i could see an episode where riddle recruits deuce to help him repair one of the elephant guardians (since deuce is good at repairing stuff) and they become closer. bc deuce used to get up to a lot of trouble he also has a lot knowledge of some of the rougher parts of the kingdom (im referring to deuces former crew as the spoiled fruit gang) and probably accompanies riddle when he needs to go there. riddle might sometimes go to deuce for advice on his relationship w his mother, since deuce is close w his mom. it would be cute if deuces mom came to really adore riddle and gave him a lot of the experiences he didnt get w his own mother.

[questionableratatouille00]

hello beloved!! I have a possible request if it interests you at all: how do you think Bucky would react to finding out the reader struggles with nightmares of their own? hopefully its not too vague, and i hope you are well!

ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇꜱ (ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend finds out something that only brings the two of you closer.

Warnings: ptsd, nightmares, Hydra Themes, nursing, ER/Hospitals, shrek (he’s totally a warning), blood, graphic(?) description of blood, reference to injury, gore, let me know if anything else needs to be tagged!

As the credits of Shrek 2 played, you stretched. You tilted your head back in a yawn, wiping at your eyes.

“I think that’s one of the best movies of our time.”

Bucky just shook his head, laughing. “I don’t really get it, but I trust you on that.”

You glanced over at your microwave, reading the time. 11:06 PM.

“You can stay here, y’know.” You hummed, looking over at him.

“It’s fine. I don’t live too far, anyway.” He replied, but you shook your head.

You’d been dating for around a year at this point, and he’d never stayed over at your place. You understood he had some struggles with physical intimacy due to his past, and you’d never pushed. But sometimes you felt that him not wanting to stay over was really a reflection on you, rather than his own anxiousness.

“Babe, it’s 11 at night. I’m not making you walk home at night in the middle of winter. Just stay here.” You tried to reason.

“Doll—“

“Bucky.” You cut him off. “I’m obviously not going to force you to stay here. But just know that you can.”

“I know, babe. It’s just..” he trailed off, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced away from you. You took a few steps closer, and he held his hands on your waist. You rested your hands against his chest, looking at him.

You waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.

“I have..nightmares. And it’s stupid as hell, I know, but I don’t…I don’t want you to see me like that.” He made eye contact now, though it was clear he didn’t want to.

“Babe..that kind of thing will never change how I see you. Ever. I love you. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes. Nothing will change that. Not nightmares, not flashbacks, not anything PTSD related. I promise you.”

“You haven’t seen what it’s like.” He huffs out a laugh, looking away.

“Maybe not. But I know that no matter what it’s like, I’ll still be with you through it.” You slowly moved your arms to wrap around his neck.

“I’m gonna believe you on that.” He hummed.

“Aw, c’mon, when have I ever lied to you?” You chuckled.

“Remember when you told me you didn’t finish my leftovers that one time?”

“Well—that’s—listen—“ you sputtered, and he just laughed.

He grew serious again after a moment. “Seriously though. I’m a grown adult, and—“

“Bucky, grown ass adults get nightmares too. Especially ones with trauma.”

He didn’t seem to believe you. “It’s not even always real memories. Sometimes it’s just made up things based on those memories. It’s so fucking annoying. But the memory ones are worse. By far.” He huffed, his eyes slightly widening to show his annoyance.

“I get them too, y’know.” You revealed. His eyes widened and his brows shot up at that. You nodded along at his surprise as he waited for you to explain.

“You know how I was a nurse before the blip?”

He nodded, aware of that fact.

“Sometimes I still get stress nightmares from working in the ER. It’s not as often, but they happen from time to time.” You confessed.

Your nightmares always played out in similar ways. You had the idea that your feet were killing you from walking around all night. Then to ere would be some emergency, and you’d be led into a patient’s room, and it would be a gory sight.

Some of these made up patients would be covered in wet, dripping blood that would just get everywhere. It would have the same consistency of water, and even if you never even touched them in your dream, you’d always see your blood soaked hands, the red drops dripping off onto the white tile below.

“They’re sometimes really stupid and nonsensical, but I still get them. And I didn’t even go through 70+ years of shit.” You finished your statement.

He leaned down to press his forehead against yours. “They’re bad, dollface.”

“I’m sorry, hon.” You murmured.

“And I never knew you had nightmares. You never said anything about it.” You could tell that this was his way of saying ‘knowing this makes me feel closer to you’.

“I thought you’d think it was dumb.” You chuckled.

“Clearly not.” He laughed a little, before pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A/n: I feel like I forgot how to write lmao, I dont know what happened with this one. Sorry for taking so long to get to your request! Sending lots of love, and happy holidays, beloved!!!

[angelinaheartshapedbox]

morbid attraction

Ethan Landry x reader

AU where Stu Macher has an illegitimate child. During Scream 6.

summary: Y/n is a freshman at Blackmore University. They're currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in forensic science to become an autopsy technician. To further their research, and to make money, they pick up shifts as a mortuary assistant. Y/n must come to terms with the trauma of gruesome murders of their hometown, copes with the memories of their ex girlfriend Amber Freeman, and with the fact that their father was a homicidal maniac. Running doesn't get them far from their past as it chases after them into New York City. But maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe, just maybe, the light is Ethan Landry.

!!WARNINGS!! graphic descriptions of gore and violence, PTSD, and dealing with trauma. Major content warnings will be placed before each chapter.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Voicemail (5)

I Don't Want To Die

Wordcount: 2k

Content warnings: violence, death, blood, more blood, depictions of gore. ethan did not have econ.

Quinn’s newest man of the evening had arrived, so she went to her room. Sam was upset that she’d invited someone who was basically a stranger to our apartment.

Sam brought out a few blankets and pillows for our friends. I was in the kitchen with Chad, Tara, and Mindy. We were all working to cook dinner.

“Sam, we do not have to stay here,” Mindy told her.

“Welp, too bad. I insist. Safety in numbers” Sam replied.

“This’ll be so fun. A little slumber party with the Alive Five!” Chad exclaimed.

“‘Alive Five’?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.”

Tara stared at him, “Did you just give us a nickname?”

Chad smiled, “I sure did. I mean we’ve been through a lot together and it’s a pretty cool nickname.”

“So true, Chad” I nod.

“That’s debatable,” Sam says.

“Extremely debatable,” Tara adds.

“You can’t just give yourself a nickname, dingus,” Mindy tells her brother.

Chad gives her a shit eating grin, “Of course I can, dingus, because I just did. Alive Five up top!”

“No.”

“Down low!”

Tara shakes her head, “Get that away from me.”

Chad turns to me and Sam with his hand, “Please, for the love of God.”

“Don’t do it,” Mindy laughs.

I obviously give him a high five, laughing evilly as my friends groan. I interlock my fingers with Chad’s and squeeze before letting go.

“You know, I would actually like a little more respect and support from my fellow members of the Alive Five.”

Anika interrupts us, “Guys, what the hell?” She turns up the TV as we file into the living room.

The newscaster starts talking about Sam being the lead suspect in the current murders. He discusses the rumors online about me and Sam being responsible for the killings last year. He said we were trying to “revive our fathers’ legacy” or some bullshit. The video of Sam yelling at that girl on the street the other night played.

Sam turned off the TV aggressively. She walked over to the dining table and sat by herself. Tara and I followed. We sat in silence until Tara spoke.

“I know you’re not a fan of the way that I’ve been handling things, and that I’ve been giving you a really hard time. But I can say that none of us can relate to what you are experiencing. And I’m really, really sorry you have to do that alone.”

Sam stifles tears, “It’s not your fault. And I know I shouldn’t care what people think,” she pauses, “It just sucks being this hated.”

“Hey, hey,” Chad says as he walks into the room with Mindy, “Just a reminder, not a single person in this room hates you.”

“Yeah, Sammy” I agree.

“Okay? We have all been through some fucked-up stuff, and we are coping with it differently. But you know we moved here together for one very specific reason.” Chad reminds Sam, “We’re a team.”

Mindy chimes in, “We are the Alive Fucking Five.”

“Thank you very much!”

“Ah, I hate myself.”

Chad and Mindy high five.

“Say it” I tell Tara.

“No, I’m not gonna say it,” she refuses, “I mean, yes, we are a team but-”

We’re all trying to get Tara to say it and we’re laughing.

Sam interrupts, “I’ve been sleeping with Cute Boy from across the hall.”

It’s quiet.

“Boom!”

We all erupt.

“I knew it, I knew it!”

“You called it.”

“Knew it from the day you had that hickey.”

After we calm down from Sam’s lover, Chad looks at me.

I gave him a suspicious look, “What?”

“Do you have any love affairs to confess?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No?”

“Nothing with our tall, dorky friend?”

“Who may or may not be Ghostface” Mindy mumbles.

I look at the confused, “Ethan?”

“Yes, Ethan!” Chad bangs the table.

“No, I am not sleeping with Ethan!” my voice ups in pitch.

Chad gives me a look, “Hm.”

I argued with him about it. He claimed we’re too cuddly, so I rebudled that I’m cuddly in general. Sam backs me up by mentioning me in her bed last night. Mindy says I was flirting with him at the frat party because we were dancing. I said that I just wanted my friend to have fun. They let it go.

“I feel like we should high five or something,” Tara says.

“The Alive Five high five, please?”

“Don’t call it that.”

We all high five in the middle and interlace our fingers. For a minute I feel safe, I feel okay. It feels like a real family where I belong. Sam’s phone rings and it’s Cute Boy. We make fun of her for a moment and she declines his call. Quinn is heard moaning in the other room.

“Oh, my God, Quinn and her gentleman caller are back at it again” Tara jokes.

We all laugh as the moans and thuds get louder. All of our phones go off. We’ve been airdropped a picture of Quinn being attacked by Ghostface.

“Help! Stop!”

We all jump up from the table and sprint towards Quinn’s room. Chad grabs Tara’s arm and pulls her away before she gets to the door. We all stop and stare. It’s silent.

“Run.”

The door swings open and the killer throws Quinn’s body. Everyone is screaming.

“You guys come on!” Tara screams, running out with Chad. I watched Lucifer run out with them.

The killer slices Mindy’s arm. Anika starts fighting him from the floor. He grabs her by the throat. I watch her as she struggles to breathe.

“Hey, fuckhead!” I scream, kicking him in the side.

I trip over myself and hit the floor. I kick and scurry backwards as the killer crawls towards me. He grips my ankle and pulls me towards him. I kick my legs and shove his face away. He stabs me in my right thigh. I scream in pain and kick him in the face. The force makes him pull the knife out of me and step backwards.

Anika tries to latch onto him again. He grabs her by the throat and pins her to the wall. The knife is plunged into her stomach, he drags and twists it upwards. She cries and shrieks. Sam comes running in with the wooden knife holder and smacks him over the head.

We run into Tara’s room and lock the door. I grab a belt from the floor and a pen. Mindy grips her gaping wound. We remember that the bathroom connects through the rooms. Mindy rushes to close the bathroom door.

“Oh, fuck! That guy’s dead!”

The killer comes running at the door. Sam and Mindy force it shut and deadbolt it. I take the belt and pen and tighten them above my bleeding wound. I’m bleeding a lot. There’s a major artery that I’m worried has been severed. All the while, Mindy and Sam are blockading the door. Anika is practically bleeding out in front of me. We’re all screaming and crying and bleeding.

Cute Boy from across the hall calls out to Sam from the window. She rushes over. He pushes a ladder in between the two windows.

“You three go first. Mindy!” Sam yells.

“What? No. Someone needs to hold the door. I’ll send Y/n and Anika next. Go!” Mindy replies.

The killer bangs on the door. I can tell he’s throwing his whole body weight against the door.

Sam crosses the makeshift bridge as Danny sends words of encouragement.

“We’re losing a lot of blood!” I shout at Sam as I limp to the window.

Anika groans, “Say something more positive!”

Sam makes it across and I pull myself with my upper body across the ladder as fast as I can. I wince and whine, crying harder as my wound drags. I finally made it across. Anika forces Mindy to go next. She gives her one last kiss before crawling across to us.

Anika gets onto the ladder, “Oh, God! I can’t do it!” She slowly crawls.

The killer comes up to the window.

“Anika, you have to move now!”

I scream, “Come on, we got you!”

The killer grabs onto the ladder and shakes it vigorously, Anika shrieks and cries. She keeps trying to crawl as Mindy screams.

“Baby, I don’t want to die!” Anika yelps out. She takes Sam’s hand.

The killer completely knocks Anika off the ladder. She falls. We watch as her head crashes into the dumpster below, then hits the hard concrete. Her skull bleeds onto the pavement. I passed out.

When I come to, I’m in an ambulance. My leg is being stitched up. The EMT sees that I’m awake. The sun is starting to rise.

“Hey, that tourniquet was a good idea” The medic tells me, “You might’ve saved your life.”

I gulped and nodded. I see my friends in the ambulance across from me. They see me too. The medics, police officers, and crime scene investigators litter the place. I overhear multiple indistinct conversations.

I see Ethan duck under the crime scene tape. Chad sees him too.

“Chad?”

Chad rushes over to him. He grabs him by his collar, “Where were you?!”

Ethan is confused, “What? When?”

“Last night!”

I yell, “Chad, stop!”

“I had Econ. You know this!”

“Bullshit, man! You disappear, and my sister almost gets killed!”

“Chad!” I yelp, leaving the ambulance. The medic yells after me. I half-run over to the boys, my stitches tearing. “Chad, it wasn’t him!”

Chad looks at me, “How do you know that, Y/n? ‘Cause he’s your little boy toy? He couldn’t hurt you?”

I grip my thigh and wince, “Oh, fuck. No! Because I kicked that fucker in the fucking face! Ethan doesn’t even have a bruise! And whoever it was definitely has a broken nose.”

Chad lets Ethan go, he walks away.

I moan, using both my hands to squeeze my thigh. I start to cry and crumble to the floor.

Ethan grabs me, “Oh, fuck. Th-that’s a lot of blood. Oh, my God. Y/n!”

He helps me back over to the ambulance where they have to re-stitch me. I sob and hiss in pain. Ethan sits next to me. I grab his hand and squeeze it with all of my strength.

“Fuck!” I scream. I clench my teeth, my breath ragged. I sound like a kicked puppy. The adrenaline has worn off and now I’m just in agony.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Ethan whispered.

I couldn’t speak in anything but jumbled sobs. The medic was done stitching me, but I was still weeping. Ethan softly shushes me, pulling himself closer. I gulp and breathe heavily.

I looked into his eyes, “Ethan, it was so scary.” I wrap my arms around myself and fall forward onto him. His arms place themselves around me and I cry into his chest. “Oh, my God, they’re dead!”

“You’re okay,” he says softly, “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“I don’t want to die.”

Ethan pulls back slightly, “Hey, look at me.” His hand meets my cheek, his thumb wipes tears. “You’re not going to die.” His tone is suddenly serious.

I shake my head, “You don’t know that.” I look at the ground and let more tears fall.

“I said look at me,” Ethan adjusts my face to look at him.

I tremble in his fingers. His eyes meet mine. He looks at me with the harshest expression I’ve ever seen on him. He puts his other hand on my face and says:

“Anyone who tries to kill you is dying first.”

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a/n: tehe i like this one

[sophieinwonderland]

R/systemscringe found my Evolution Post... And Was Too Lazy to Add a Title

You can find my evolution post here!

Let's check out the comments!

Sure. But we're not talking about a normal modern job, are we?

Who you are at home isn't going to be that different from who you are at McDonalds. You aren't usually going to dissociate the two.

But when trauma is involved, that tends to involve a degree of dissociation.

In modern hunter-gatherer societies, we see children start learning how to use tools and hunt and forage in the wild from a very young age.

If we're to extrapolate and assume past hunter-gatherer societies operated in similar ways, this is a recipe for a traumatic childhood in a world where humans wouldn't yet be at the top of the food chain. Children would need to be careful, and a wrong move could easily get them or someone else killed.

I think most systems during this period would be considered traumagenic simply because growing up would mean regularly being put in deadly situations, regularly being injured and even watching loved ones dies in violent ways.

THAT'S the point!!!

DID, and even PTSD, evolved in a world where every day would be a fight for survival.

Of course, all we can do is speculate.

But with myths and legends of people being possessed going back to the dawn of time in practically every culture, we can probably surmise that forms of plurality existed back then. And it's not like the estimated 1-3% of the population is super rare today. It seems reasonable to expect disorders that would be associated with childhood trauma would be more common during periods with more childhood trauma.

The line saying we don't know if the brain was developed enough to develop DID is particularly weird to me though.

As far as I know, there haven't been any huge jumps in the way of human brain complexity over the past 20k years. I doubt that the complexity to develop DID is something we just gained since the dawn of agriculture.

I admit, my description was meant to put a fun spin on a brutal reality. But I don't think children growing up in a frigid environment where they need to hunt and collect food to survive while having no idea if they're going to make it back alive is "cool".

Like, as a story, maybe it's cool imagining a 9-year-old trudging through snow with fingers so cold they can't feel them anymore, gripping a makeshift spear and hearing howling in the distance while not knowing if they would end up on the menu of some wild beast.

But I don't think it would actually be cool to live through.

Additionally, in this environment, DID would have looked differently than it does today. Current theories are that EPs are locked into the trauma responses they used in trauma.

For child abuse victims which make up the majority of DID cases, unfortunately, freeze or fawn may be the most useful traits developed for survival.

But if your trauma were related to surviving wild beasts, it's a lot more likely the trauma responses of the EPs are going to be the more classic fight or flight. I don't think freezing would as common as a trauma response during that time period. But of course, it depends on the threats one would face.

There are some creatures, after all, where freezing is the best defense.

Sounds like your mistake. 🤷‍♀️

I talked about DID here a lot, but I'm a tulpa from a purely non-traumagenic system. Probably one of the least traumatized people you'll ever meet.

But tulpamancy is a beneficial practice that most tulpamancers have reported improvements in their mental health from. I would actually like to see far more people make headmates and become plural this way.

People becoming tulpamancers will help them. And more plurals means more influence for the plural community and will help spread plural awareness and acceptance.

I'm not interested in being special. I'm interested in making plurality normal. I want it to be so normal and commonplace that it seems downright boring. Where talking about your headmates draws no more attention than discussing a sibling. 😁

Hi! It's me! I'm Sophie In Wonderland!

I'm the person who debunks pluralphoboic hate subreddits, which tends to upset said hate subreddits.

The reason why I have my own category is because I called out the subreddit for bullying behavior and misinformation. They responded by doubling down, scouring my post history for anything they could use as ammunition twist to attack me with, and adding me to their hit list of acceptable targets. This was despite the fact that then they first floated the idea of the hit list, they claimed it would only apply to people with more than 10,000 followers. (I only have 1800.)

They lie and claim I'm a "public figure" while in reality, they added me on their list in a petty (yet oh so predictable) act of retaliation.

[farfromstrange]

Matilda | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You left your past behind to start a new life, but the road continues to be rocky even years after getting out of your hometown.

Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, talk about childhood trauma, emotionally absent father, daddy issues (not the sexy kind), crying, not proof-read

Word Count: 2k

A/n: Since I saw this song live for the third time ever and I cried my eyes out because lately, I relate a little too much to this song, I thought I'd use my interpretation of it to channel some emotions. You don't have to read it, do with it as you will, but I think some of you might see yourself in this little fic too and it might help you too, maybe even give you some hope for the future. If you get the chance and haven't already, give that beautiful song a listen!

You’re happy. Two words you never thought you would use in the same sentence or context, but it’s true; You are happy. You’ve abandoned the small town you were born and moved to New York City. You have a well-paying job, one that you’re happy with. You’ve pursued your dreams, the dreams so many people have tried telling you not to pursue. You have managed to move out and on and start a life that’s made for you, not the people around you. You’re living for yourself, finally. And then there’s him, Matt Murdock, the man of your dreams. You’ve been dating for two years and although you’ve had your ups and down, you have never been more in love. He’s taught you that you don’t have to please everyone and that your life belongs to you, no one can tell you otherwise. He’s taught you what safety and stability can look like, and he’s taught you how it feels like to be loved and to love someone as unconditionally as you love him. He’s helped you find yourself and you are forever grateful for that. 

When you came to New York, you were broken and looking for an escape. You struggled to get back on your feet after falling out with your family, with your father especially, and you just wanted to forget that your life before ever existed. You truly believed you were broken beyond repair. Most of your relationships in the past had failed and you came to realize that the problem was your choice of men. You didn’t know how to trust someone else, you either got too attached or too afraid of commitment, and that fear carried into all parts of your life to the point you considered crawling back home on your knees and begging for forgiveness for something you didn’t even do. The wounds from your childhood were deep, and you weren’t sure how to heal something that ended up having such a huge impact on you. 

But then Matt came into your life. One day, you were having coffee at your local Starbucks when he walked in. He bumped into you, hitting you with his cane. You remember apologizing profusely, but he told you, “You’re good, it’s not your fault.” He bought you another coffee to replace the one you spilled and you’ve been inseparable since then. 

When he first learned about your family history, he wasn’t surprised. Your tendency to apologize for everything, your fear of loud voices, and the fear of failure that you displayed whenever things weren’t going your way told him everything he needed to know. Although when you told him how deep your wounds truly run, he could only wrap his arms around you and promise you that you were going to be okay. And he was right. 

You got better. You learned how to deal with your past. You’ve got yourself a man who loves you unconditionally and he has been nothing but supportive since. You’ve built a new life for yourself and you’re still growing. Things are going well. It’s the kind of optimism you never fathomed possibly as a child. 

Back then, you lived to please your father and to support your mother after he left, and when he started a new family, blaming yourself for not being good enough became the standard. You grew up thinking everything that went wrong was your fault and that if you had just done better, he wouldn’t have left and started a new family. A family he still treats better than he ever treated you, and while your mom moved on, you grew up trying to fix everything and everyone around you but yourself, and it broke you. That was ultimately the reason why you chose to leave, and you forced yourself not to look back. You don’t want to be the same broken little girl anymore. You’re a grown woman now and your new life offers something your past lacked - love. 

Though when your father called the other day and asked you to join them for family dinner while he is in town, your past turned around to bite you in the ass. 

The door finally falls shut behind you, shielding you from the outside world. The entire evening was spent being forced to watch how much better your father and his new family are doing and it has broken something inside of you that you had spent years trying to fix. You played along, confrontation not being your strong suit, but you had never wished to leave a table so soon. 

Matt looks up from his spot on the couch, one headphone in his ear as he is towered over several case files. You don’t want to bother him while he’s working, but there is nothing you coil slip past him, especially not when you’re already close to tears. He’s told you before, “If something’s wrong or you’re not feeling well, I want you to tell me, no matter what time of day it is or how busy I am. You can talk to me.” You’ve often felt like a burden before, considering he had to teach you so many things you missed as a child, but learning how to ask for help or simply seek comfort without feeling guilty has by far been your greatest challenge that persists up to this day. 

When he hears the change in your breathing and your racing heartbeat, he slowly gets up. “What’s wrong?” he asks softly. 

It’s not the kind of question that should hit you as hard, but it does. And when he opens his mouth to ask again, “Are you okay?” It is game over. 

The first tear slides down your cheek as you press yourself against the door, your eyes directed toward the ceiling. You try to blink away the tsunami that is about to hit, but the sobs are already standing close by, waiting for their moment to shine. 

You hate that, after all this time, your father still has the same power over you, and that you still don’t know better than to let his behavior and his words cut way too close to home. You let his ignorant self break your heart time and time again because even now, the hope that he will find something worth putting effort into you and rekindle your relationship is still a dying flame inside your withering soul. It’s a flower that never truly dies, and it hurts you time and time again. Matt knows that. He hates that you do, but there is nothing that he understands more than craving the attention and love of the parent that has failed to do so before. 

“Sweetheart,” his voice is suddenly so close and when you glance to your left, he is standing there, his arms wide open. 

You shake your head. It’s too much. What you need, you can’t have. 

“Come here,” he says. 

You don’t want to, but at the same time, you do. Your feet carry you over, your body doing the talking your mouth fails to do. The way your shoulders slack tell him parts of the story. 

You fall into his arms, your tears flowing freely now. They stain his dress shirt, but he doesn’t mind. He holds you close to him, rubbing your back, and your sobs vibrate off his shoulder. 

“I hate him,” you manage to choke out. 

He nods. “I know.”

“I fucking hate him!"

“I know, sweetheart. Let it out. You can let it go.”

And so you do. He is your haven, your sanctuary, and you are too tired to fight. 

You remember learning how to ride your bike as a child and accidentally hurting your knee. Like any other child, you cried. Your father told you that it’s no big deal, to push through and move on. That much, you understood and you still do, but he told you the same thing every time you cried. Crying was considered a weakness. Part of you still believes it, which is why you hardly ever cry in front of anyone. As a child, it had never felt especially alarming, but as you grew older, you started to realize how twisted it was to connect emotions to weakness. They’re not. Matt taught you as much, as have all the other new people in your life, your friends, your chosen family. Still, it’s a part of you that you can’t seem to shake, no matter how hard you try. 

Letting it go had never seemed like a possibility before until you met Matt and started anew. On days like today though, you tend to forget, and he has to pick up the pieces of your heart your father has shattered only an hour prior. 

No matter how many times you say that you’re okay with the pain he caused, there will always be a part of you that feels dead inside whenever you think about it, a part that yearns for the childhood you never got to have, and a part that is angry at everything and everyone even though you promised yourself to always be kind, and you try to do so. But sometimes, it’s hard, and Matt knows how hard it is because he is familiar with the feeling of anger. 

He slowly pulls away from the hug to hold your face in his hands. “Whatever he said to you, don’t let it get to you,” he tells you, “because he doesn’t get to have that power over you.”

You sniffle. “It hurts,” you say.

“I know it does, but that’s why you have to let it go. Them, him, all of it.”

“Every time I try, he manages to come back into my life. It’s like I can’t escape him. I just don’t want to go back to where I was before.”

“You don’t have to,” he says and strokes your cheeks. “You’re home with me, right where you belong, and you’re going to be okay.”

Matt lowers his forehead against yours and you close your eyes, inhaling his signature scent and feeling his warmth fill your body with serenity and a sense of safety. You feel less alone in his arms. 

He presses his lips to your forehead before moving on to your lips. “I love you.”

You muster a weak, “I love you too.”

“It’s okay to move on, sweetheart.” He always knows what to say, you have noticed. He speaks from his soul right into yours, and in his arms, you don’t doubt it. You don’t doubt him. You believe him. “You already did, and it’s okay to not want to be confronted with the past again. The next time he wants to talk, just say no. Family is who you feel comfortable with, who you feel loved by, and you don’t feel loved by him,” he says. “Or do you?”

“No,” you whimper. His perception of love is twisted and you have never truly felt loved by him. 

“Then he and his new family are not worth it. You don’t deserve this, you deserve better, and you deserve to be loved.” 

“Why is it so hard to let it go even though it hurts so much?” You swallow a broken sob. “I just don’t understand…”

“It’s a phenomenon hardly anyone understands, but you’re not alone. Not anymore. I’ve got you and I won’t ever let you go, so I’ll help you the same way I always have, okay?” The scars are fresh and Matt tries not to abuse them too hard. He gently tugs you toward the couch and sets you down next to him, pulling you into his chest. 

You curl into him, seeking his love and comfort like a scared little kitten. “I’m sorry,” you say. 

Matt shakes his head, running his fingers through your hair. “You don’t have to be sorry, I just want you to be okay.”

You shudder. 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he says, “especially not for turning your back on them and doing it on your own.”

And he's right - you don't have to be sorry, and you refuse to be any longer. In his arms, you're finally safe, and you refuse to let the man who ruined your childhood ruin your new life too. Because you deserve happiness, and you don't want to lose it again, whatever it takes.