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shenanigans-and-imagines · 1 year

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I Want It All: Part 1

Part 2, Part 3; AO3 Link

Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Asexual!Reader, Astarion x Bard!Reader

Flirting, Light Angst, Longing

Summary: You and Astarion had been playing this little game of yours for a while; he pretends to care, you pretend not to fall for it. It's easy, even fun at times. The trouble is, what happens the moment you can't pretend anymore?

A/N: This turned into a monstrosity. For my own sanity I need to break it up into three parts. I also apologize in advanced, the stuff in the preview won’t pop up until part 2. And please, REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS! I NEED VALIDATION TO LIVE!!!

Word Count: 4.8K

The day really couldn’t decide whether it was going to be terrible or tolerable.

On the one hand, it had been pouring rain for hours, leaving you and your party drenched as you searched for some place dry to sleep. On the other hand, you were able to find an inn with more than enough rooms to accommodate all of you. On the other, other hand, rooms cost money, something that was in short supply.

“How much does that make?” Karlach asked, placing her share into the pile.

Gale counted out the coins. “Enough for our own rooms, but not much in the way of food.” His brow furrowed slightly. “Hold on, this can’t be right. Who forgot to pitch in?”

All eyes turned suspiciously to Astarion.

He raised his hands in surrender. “I put down enough for the room. Food is something…you all have to deal with.”

Lae’zel gave him a hard look, the threat obvious on her features.

“We could always share a room or two,” Shadowheart cut in. “That will at least hold us over until we can find a way to make more coin.”

A devilish smirk formed on the vampire’s lips as his eyes turned to you. “I’m not opposed to the idea. Certainly would make it easier for me to get a little midnight snack.”

You gave a theatrical sigh. “Not tonight dear. I have a headache.”

“Teasing minx.”

“Can the pair of you not for ten seconds?” Wyll complained.

You bit back a laugh, turning your gaze to the dining area of the tavern. Gods you could smell something delicious cooking over the fireplace. When was the last time you had a proper hot meal?

It was then you turned your eyes to one of the empty corners. The solution to the issue of food suddenly became obvious.

“Not to worry everyone,” you announced, swiping the coins from Gale’s hand. “Dinner is on me.”

Before anyone could speak, you stepped towards the bar, making a point to put on your best smile.

A elderly halfling woman regarded you as you approached. “What can I get you deary?”

“Actually it’s a matter of what I can do for you,” you said. “I see you have some instruments sitting much too idly.”

The old lady shrugged. “Not really. Night like this you don’t need music to bring people in.”

Your smile faltered a moment, but you pushed on. “That may be, but nothing keeps people drinking longer and deeper than a good song.”

She gave you a disparaging look. “Don’t tell me, bard right?”

“Guilty.”

“If you don’t have money for the rooms, we don’t comp that.”

You waved the comment away. “The rooms aren’t the issue. However, if you’re willing to part with a cauldron of stew, I’ll consider it payment enough.”

Her eyes remained wary, but you knew you had her as a twitch came to her lips. “That’ll do. Thirty minute set. You eat after.”

She held out a hand which you took, striking the bargain.

It didn’t take long after to secure the rooms. They were nothing fancy, but a mattress was a mattress and with the guarantee of true privacy for the first time in weeks, none of you were complaining.

“How’s this about food then?” Karlach asked, taking a seat at one of the few tables large enough to accommodate all seven of you.

“All taken care of,” you assured. “Just need to pluck out a quick set and we can eat.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?” Astarion said. “I don’t mind it myself, but your songs have a tendency to be a bit, well…destructive. Frankly I’m surprised you didn’t use that cutting mouth of yours to simply insult the woman into feeding you.”

“As it turns out, I have a little thing called restraint. Unlike some people,” you countered.

“Oh trust me my dear, I’m well aware of that.”

You rolled your eyes, deciding to ignore the slight twist of guilt in your stomach.

He couldn’t seem to help making those kinds of jabs ever since you had declined his offer for a midnight tryst; always alluding to the theme of “untapped passions” or “delayed gratification”. It was starting to wear on you.

Gods knew you liked him. He had so many qualities you admired; insight, intelligence, charm, the way he could make you laugh. The more you learned, the more you wanted to know and the more you were willing to give for answers. The trouble was his idea of a night of passion and yours were so very, very different.

A part of you knew the honest thing to do would be to spell it out for him. You understood him well enough to know he’d respect those boundaries. At the same time, you didn’t want to lose this, whatever this was, between you. If suddenly that night of passion was off the table, all those moments, all his attentions would be lost. He’d be a friend, certainly, but nothing more.

It was selfish. You knew it was. You couldn’t imagine finding the words to explain it to him. It would leave you too exposed, too vulnerable to that insistent burning want that had a way of tearing you apart from the inside out. It was better to leave him to his assumptions of suppression and prudishness. You’d keep your dignity at least.

Pushing those thoughts away, you took your place in the unobtrusive corner and the spare violin waiting for you.

A smile spread across your face as you tucked the familiar instrument under your chin. Since this whole adventure of yours began, you had little opportunity to apply your skills. Music had always been a source of comfort to you. It felt right to indulge in it now, some place safe and filled with warm firelight.

With a flick of your wrist you began, the resonating tone of the strings filling the room.

You allowed your eyes to close as you slipped into the melody. The sounds of conversation and laughter fell to an idle murmur. It was a simple tune, something easy to match the atmosphere, but one you loved all the same. You always found it best to start with something familiar. If the patrons could see you get lost in the music, they inevitably followed.

As the first song came to an end, you chanced a quick glance at your audience.

Most of the patrons still prattled on, but enough turned your direction to encourage you to try something a little more daring.

Your fingers flew, igniting a livelier rhythm. More eyes found their way to you. A pleasant bubbling sensation filled you. They were falling right into your hands.

Rising to your feet, you glided across the floor, moving with the music towards the center of the room.

Patrons shuffled out of the way, transfixed by your performance. Even your companions had stopped their chatter.

Karlach and Shadowheart’s faces lit up in delight. A smile touched the corner of Gale’s mouth. Even Lae’zel and Wyll looked on with admiration at your skills. As for Astarion…Astarion just stared.

You couldn’t quite read what was going on behind those scarlet eyes. It was a look you had caught him wearing more than once, always blinked away before you could fully comprehend its meaning. All you knew was how it made that dangerous hope spark in your chest.

He caught you looking and quickly morphed his expression to its familiar smirk. The bastard even had the audacity to wink.

You rolled your eyes pretending not to have seen. It was all part of the game after all. He pretended to care, you pretended not to fall for it.

A lute suddenly joined you from one of the corners, strumming its way into a new song.

You turned as a cheer rose, encouraging the intrusive lutist forward. He was human by the look of him and certainly skilled in his own right. He took a moment to embellish your solo before taking over with one of his own. Soon enough you joined the conversation again with a counter melody. It wasn’t as clean as you would have liked it. The lad clearly had meant to upstage you, but you made sure to put him in line, allowing the impromptu duet to end in some kind of harmony.

You transitioned easily to a new song as he took a seat, bowing to you as he did.

Remembering your showmanship, you made a point to bow in return, schooling your expression into a flirtatious grin before pulling away. That earned the man a round of cheers from his friends and a few obvious oohs from the crowd; exactly as you intended.

You continued on with the remainder of your set. Requests were shouted from the audience, all the pieces of music moving to and from your fingers with practiced grace. By the end of it, your arms were exhausted, but your face hurt from smiling. Gods you had missed this.

As you took your bow, applause followed you back to your table as well as a handful of extra coin.

“That was amazing!” Karlach said, beaming at you. “How’d you learn to play like that?”

“Years of practice,” you said, with pride. “Had to find an honest living somehow.”

“Well, it was beautifully done,” Gale added. “Maybe next time we make camp you could grace us with another performance. Provided we’re not all about to die of course.”

You shot him a grin. “I could be persuaded.”

The wizard turned his gaze away, his lips turning into a knowing smirk. “You’ve been unnaturally quiet Astarion. Been bewitched have you?”

The vampire blinked as if coming out of deep thought. It was only in those last moments did you realize just how intently he had been looking in your direction.

“Yes,” he said, a little stiffly, “you were quite…good.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Be careful there. You wouldn’t want to overwhelm me with praise.”

He regarded you a moment before a sly smile turned at his lips.

You were almost relieved. That look you understood at least.

“If it’s praise you crave, you need only ask,” he purred. “You, my dear, are an unparalleled talent. Your beauty and grace alone should have brought you into the presence of kings. A true diamond in the rough.”

You snorted out a laugh.

“No good?” he continued. “How about this one; if I die tomorrow and the gods grant me mercy it will be your song that brings me into the beyond.”

You gave him a slow clap. “Brava.”

He inclined his head in a little bow. “But seriously, you were good and you didn’t even destroy the furniture. Admittedly though, I wouldn’t have minded if he had met with a little accident.”

You followed Astarion’s eye line to the lute player chatting with his friends. He perked up as he felt eyes on him. Without the distraction of playing, you could easily tell he was handsome in that sun kissed farmer’s son kind of way. Probably had most of the girls in the village swooning.

He raised a tankard to you in toast.

You met the gesture in acknowledgment.

“He wasn’t that bad,” you said, taking a sip of your drink.

“He was the worst part of your performance,” Astarion insisted.

You knew he wasn’t wrong, but you couldn’t help but have your fun.

“Oh my darling, don’t tell me you’re jealous,” you said, placing a hand over your heart.

“Certainly I am,” he said, clutching his own chest in turn. “He’s the only person I’ve seen you willing to make sweet music with. And judging from his looks, he would have much preferred it to be a private performance.”

You didn’t bother looking over to the other table to see if he was telling the truth. It didn’t matter either way. It never did. Your answer was always the same.

“He’ll have to keep waiting.” You shrugged. “Not my type.”

Astarion’s eyes narrowed slightly, leaning in closer. “And what exactly is?”

You didn’t answer, deciding instead to take a long sip of your ale.

He continued to eye you, his lips pursed as if trying to solve a puzzle. After a few moments he let out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine, keep your secrets, but I will figure it out eventually.”

Your lip twitched up into a half smile. “You may certainly try.”

It was then one of the staff brought out a truly enormous cauldron of the most delicious smelling stew you had smelled in your life.

You didn’t think to wait as you greedily poured a ladle full into your empty bowl. Two full days on the road with nothing but a handful of nuts and berries to sustain you had taken its toll. The rest of the group soon followed, each taking their share. You ate yours so quickly that by the time the ladle had made the circle, you were grabbing for seconds.

“Hungry are we?” Astarion observed.

You paused mid bite, heat rising in your cheeks. You took a quick look at everyone else. Nobody seemed to have noticed how you inhaled your food. They were content enough in their own bowls and conversation. Carefully you swallowed before self consciously setting down the spoon in your hand.

“I am the one who worked for this,” you said, more defensively than you intended.

Astarion regarded you with a raised eyebrow. “Even so, it’s not going to disappear the second you look away.”

“Says you.”

“Clever,” he said, dryly. “Devastating really. What’s next? Are you going to hit me with an “oh yeah” or Gods forbid a “your mother”?”

“I was actually leaning towards, “leave me to eat in peace you pompous jackass”.”

“Oh yes, that’s much better.”

You breathed out a frustrated sigh. Hopefully it would distract from your obvious embarrassment. You had thought you’d tucked those bad habits away.

Years of living on your own had left you going to bed hungry more times than you cared to remember. There was a time food had disappeared from your plate if you didn’t eat it fast enough. Of course, things got better. You found music and people willing to listen. It gave you fire and shelter and a contented stomach on good nights. Still, there were the bad ones and old instincts took over. It took practice not to be as ravenous as you knew your nature to be.

“Do I need to worry about your hunger?” you asked, deciding to change the subject.

“Oh you of all people should know by now. I’m insatiable,” he crooned.

Your eyes narrowed, unamused. “I’m being serious, when’s the last time you ate?”

He shrugged. “Few days. Last time I fed on you I imagine.”

Your stomach gave a sudden guilt ridden twist. If that were the case, it had to have been at least three days ago.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because as much as the image of you swooning in my arms is appealing, I’d rather it be over my charms rather than blood loss.” He nodded his head towards the bowl. “From my own experience hunger and restraint don’t mix.”

You tried to fight it. You really did. Years of instinct and reason told you not to fall for the softness in his eyes and voice. He simply didn’t want to explain a dead body to the rest of the party. It wasn’t out of some concern for your well being. And you absolutely could not allow yourself to believe he recognized the desperation in your actions and not pass judgment. If you believed that, you’d be in much more danger than you already were.

“Excuse me deary,” an elderly voice asked. “I was wondering if I could have another moment of your time.”

You turned to see the barkeeper at your shoulder.

“Oh,” you said, surprised. “Of course.”

You moved to stand, but she gestured you down. It was then you noticed she was carrying a case. It was worn with age, but clearly lovingly maintained as the edges shone with intricate gold inlay.

“I know you already paid for your meal,” she said. “But I was hoping I could ask for one more performance tonight.”

She opened the case to reveal the most beautiful violin you’d ever laid eyes on. The wood was a carefully polished chestnut interrupted with carvings which matched those on the case. The strings shone like gold and the pegs carved marble. You may not be a trained wizard, but could feel the magic pulsing from every square inch of it.

“What is this?”

“It was my father’s,” the woman explained. “He was a bard you see, best in these parts from what people told. He had so many stories and songs. Built it himself to help tell them. Try as I might though, I could never get it to play as sweetly. I was hoping you might.”

You looked to your companions. The obvious curiosity played on all their faces.

With a cautious hand, you plucked one of the strings.

It was perfectly in tune. The sound echoed, rich and vibrant even with so light a touch. The instrument itself seemed to glow as if happy to be played once again.

Slowly, you lifted it from the case, taking the bow in hand. You placed it on the strings and with an exhale drew the first notes.

It was the loveliest sound you’d ever heard.

The vibrations resinated in your fingers, moving through your arm and into your chest.

You decided to start simple, a handful of scales to get the intonations just right.

Color danced across the strings, rippling from your fingers like raindrops in a pond.

“Woah,” Karlach said, her eyes widening in awe. “Are you doing that?”

“No,” you said, pausing your motions, as you let it fall slack in your hands.

The elderly halfing smiled. “My father always said an artist puts their truth into every stroke of the bow. This here helps one’s heart shine. I saw the way you performed earlier, you’re not afraid to play what’s true.”

Color rose in your cheeks, unsure how to take such praise. “Thank you.”

She just smiled, nodding towards the instrument. “Keep playing. See what happens.”

You were suddenly aware of the rest of the party’s eyes turning expectantly towards you. Some with caution, some with anticipation, and one pair of red eyes with unreadable intentions.

Knowing there was no way you were getting out of this now, you rose from your seat, placing the violin securely beneath your chin.

You started slow, picking a tune every beginner memorized in their first lessons.

The music sparkled in front of your eyes, twirling outward in melodic waves.

The hum of conversation began to die down as you spotted the barkeeper beckon for silence.

You continued on, moving to something a little more complex, allowing yourself to let the rest of the room blur in the peripheries.

The sound of boots on cobblestones met your ears. Glancing down you saw stone where hardwood floors had been.

You took another step.

The stones followed.

Around you the room fluctuated between firelight and the brightness of morning. Looking up you could see a clear sky had replaced the hatched ceiling.

A smile spread across your face as you stepped away from your bench.

As if waiting for your queue the rest of the bar quickly moved tables and chairs out of the way, clearing the center floor.

The sun followed as the cobblestones spread out in front of you like a stream. With every flourish, finer details were added. You changed the direction allowing a building to form beside you, then another and another. Images of people faded in and out like memories, coming and going with the flow of the music.

You never felt anything like this before. The strings sang inside you, drawing out a melody you knew was there, but had always managed to slip from your grasp.

You surrendered to its current, following it deeper and deeper until all you could see, all you could touch was the music.

Behind your eyes the streets began to turn and change. Buildings loomed large overhead. You could hardly see the stars. A cold swept through your clothes, the chords of the melody vibrating with the shivers in your hands. The world was so much bigger and you were so much smaller.

No instrument laid in your hands, but still the music played on as if you had slipped into a dream.

You continued to walk unsure of where your feet were carrying you until something warm pressed against your back. Light reflected behind you, casting long shadows on the ground. A melody played, soft and soothing against your own. You turned towards it as the voices of long forgotten conversation and laughter accompanied the strings of a quartet.

Your chords and theirs brushed up against each other, a new light shining in the darkness, but just as soon as it began, it moved away, leaving you on your own once again.

You continued on, brushing against others. Sparks would fly, fire would ignite only for them it fade in front of your eyes.

Your own melody grew more desperate, moving and shaping itself to match whoever you found next only just able to cling onto the barest sense of itself.

An ache grew in your chest as you wandered, always searching, never finding. Something warm trailed down your cheeks. You let it flow, unable to stop. You wouldn’t end the story here, even as swirls of blues and blacks surrounded you. They wrapped around your body, filling your vision and squeezing tight around you until you felt the air being pushed out of your lungs. There was nothing else. Even the music had gone dead.

For what felt like a moment and eternity you sat there, alone in the dark.

A voice came to you then, but it didn’t come from the instrument tucked somewhere under your chin. No melody accompanied it. It was so far away. Something about it was so familiar. It spoke your name like a desperate prayer. You reached out for it.

The air itself moved around you as if you had plucked the very strings of the universe.

A low hum came next bringing with it two pin pricks of light. A red fire glowed in the darkened space, growing until they sat as two eyes burning in the air.

You cocked your head to the side. Your own song started again, cautious as it curled around the eyes, examining them from different angles.

The eyes crinkled at the edges, amused by your persistence.

With a blur of motion, it turned to the side allowing a profile to form and beginning an enticing melody of its own.

You and the face took turns, calling and answering in playful antagonism.

The lines of light continued downward as its counter melody grew in strength against your own, forming the outline of a man.

He stepped towards you, his own head turning to the side as yours had done before, examining you from every angle.

After a moment, he bowed. You curtseyed. And then you did what only felt natural. You danced.

The heat of his touch burned your skin, but you didn’t dare pull away. You had been cold for so long you hadn’t even known you were cold. Even when it became too much, the fear of the darkness kept you in his light.

The man in turn held you close, his song teasing against your own. So unlike the duet from before, this was a true conversation, the pair of you giving and taking in equal measure. You didn’t want it to stop, holding the feeling tighter and tighter until you felt the pulse of his fire inside you.

You looked up to find the embers of his eyes pouring into you. He moved your hand to his chest. A heart pumped beneath and you knew then it wasn’t his own. Just as you had taken from him, he had taken from you in equal measure.

His face came into focus, forming a familiar knowing smirk and playful scarlet eyes.

He stepped back from you, his hand holding yours as he bowed, placing a kiss on the back of your hand.

The song faded away and you were once again in your own body, a violin tucked carefully beneath your chin.

You blinked your eyes open to find the tavern standing as it had been moments ago. Patrons surrounded you, their eyes wide and mouths open. You glanced around the room, quickly finding your companions. Horror struck you as you read their expression.

They’d seen it. All of it.

Before you could register what was happening a wave of applause erupted from the crowd. People began to cheer. You heard awed whoops and hollers. The adoration was overwhelming and completely miss timed. You needed to lie down. You needed to think.

Numbly you bowed before making your way to the side of the room where the barkeeper stood.

You held the instrument out to her, unable to look her directly in the eye.

“Thank you for letting me play this,” you said.

To your surprise she didn’t take it, instead pushing your hands away with a shake of her head.

“Keep it love,” she said. “After seeing all that, feels wrong to take it away from you. You’ve more than earned the right to it.”

You wanted to argue. You wanted to scream. You wanted to curse her for ever asking you to touch the damned thing. Somehow you managed to swallow all of that down, mumbling another thank you before slowly turning towards your party.

There was still a chance to salvage this. Astarion hadn’t seen his own reflection in centuries. He didn’t know what he looked like. You could play this whole thing up to artistic license. You just carried a general feeling of desperate longing. No need for you to clarify its direction.

Making a point to keep your head down, you put the violin away and slid it over to Gale.

“Feel free to eat this one if you want,” you said. It was meant to be a joke, but even you could feel it fall flat.

“I don’t think I can do that,” Gale said, his tone holding nothing but sympathy.

“It really was lovely,” Wyll said, gently.

“Beautiful really,” Shadowheart added.

Your jaw tightened, caught between the urge to scream or weep. Why couldn’t everybody do you the favor of the lifetime and forget they saw anything.

“Personally I don’t understand your choice in the spawn, but–” Lae’zel started only to be hit hard in the arm by Karlach.

“What?” she snapped.

Your whole body cringed, knowing exactly what was coming next.

“That was…me?”

You were in hell. This was hell. You didn’t have to look up to see Astarion’s self satisfied expression. His tone made it clear enough.

In a flash you stepped back from the table, putting as much distance between you and the party as possible.

“I need to go,” you managed. “Goodnight.”

You sprinted out of the tavern, taking two steps of the time to the upper rooms. You didn’t stop until your door was firmly slapped behind you.

Your breaths came hard as your heart pounded in your chest. Honestly you didn’t know how you locked the door. Your hands were shaking so badly as tears blurred your vision. All the emotions the violin had pulled from you returned, overwhelming you in their intensity.

The instrument had done as advertised. It had shown the truth of your heart, putting it on display for the whole world to see. Gods you were an idiot. Why did you even pick up that damned thing?

You kept your ears open, listening as everyone made their way to their rooms. Their murmurs never made it past the walls, but the way they paused as they passed your door made it clear enough they were discussing you. Thankfully they were kind enough to leave you be.

Counting, you waited until all six doors shut before rising to your feet.

As you did, you felt a small pull at the back of your mind. A vision of a door number and the feeling of anticipation sat on your tongue. The invitation was clear enough; Astarion was waiting for you.

You wanted to ignore it, but you knew you couldn’t. There was no use in pretending any longer. The game was over and you would have to face the consequences.

With a steeling breath, you walked out the door. You could only hope Astarion wouldn’t hate you when it was all over.

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 #astarion bg3 #astarion baldurs gate #bard!reader #asexual!reader #asexual #bard!tav #astarion x ace!tav #astarion x evie

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definitelynotafurinasimp · 4 months

Text

“There’s nothing we can do”

Characters: Furina x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for Fontaine, angst/no comfort

a/n: This started as a joke between me and a friend which eventually lead us to make a small competition abt writing Furina angst. I've kept this in my WIP since the end of November, but considering it's been 7 months and no sign of them finishing theirs I'll just post it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Furina

The first one hundred years were the hardest. Before the realization she was going to outlive everyone around her had time to truly settle in, before her hopes this whole affair might resolve somewhat quickly were crushed over and over again until they were more akin to sand than the dreams she once had, and most importantly, before she had lost you.

No matter how many nights passed, new faces burst into her life only to slowly change and eventually disappear or years rolled by, one person’s face was never buried too deep in her memories. Whenever Furina closed her eyes for even a fraction of second you were there to greet her, whenever she walked past the building on that unremarkable street corner you had always so proudly claimed to be your home, she could see you standing there, greeting her with a smile radiant enough that she was scared of looking at it for too long, lest she go blind.

The house no longer stood there of course, having long been torn down only for a dozen shops to spring up in its place… not like that made her memories any less vivid.

You had been introduced to her as Neuvillette’s assistant. It felt weird for her at the time to see him hire a human considering how little he cared for them, so it was no surprise when it quickly became clear he wouldn’t trust you with any of his actual work, reducing your job as his assistant to nothing more than a title. By the time you officially gave up your role however, you had already sunken your claws into her, slowly becoming a part of her life without her even realizing it until it was too late.

You were charming, eager to help and too smart for your own good, having to have Furina bail you out of trouble more than once, your tendency to quickly get into heated discussions with some of the scientists trying to find a way to stop the prophecy landing you unpleasant experiences more than once. Yet, while some of your coworkers may have waited for the day you finally quit, you never left Furina’s side, serving her loyally day in and out.

At first, she thought nothing of it. She was supposed to act as your archon so having you dutifully serve her was basically part of the script, but while she knew better, the need to have someone, anyone she could rely on eventually led to her walls lowering around you. There was nothing wrong with finding a friend in you after all, as long as she didn’t confess her secrets to you, everything was fine…

It was supposed to be just a normal tea party as always, the two of you chatting about whatever came to your mind as you feasted on the desserts specifically provided by the Archon’s most trusted chefs, and yet you refused to eat anything but the bare minimum, stabbing your fork into your slice of cake and playing with the small piece you cut off a thousand times before taking a small bite.

You were nervous. Furina didn’t need to be a master detective to figure that out, considering how troubled you looked. What were you going to say once you eventually opened your mouth? Should she help you out by starting the conversation? Maybe you had developed a crush on her? You were spending a lot of time together, so it wouldn’t surprise her too much… although she would have to let you down gently if that was the case, considering how she had to keep her perfect image as an Archon in front of her people… that being said, she could still keep you close if that was the case, even if you weren’t an official item.

“Furina”, your voice eventually cut her thoughts off, causing her gaze to shoot towards you as she awaited what you were about to say, happy and hopeful at first, only for her mood to sour when she saw your serious expression.

“I know you’re keeping something from me. I don’t know what or why, but I know it has something to do with your powers as an Archon”, you continued, your words cutting into her deeper than what she was prepared for. Chest suddenly feeling a lot tighter as each breath became more arduous than the last, Furina quickly taking one last sip of her drink to cover up her nervousness before putting her cup down and giving you an innocent smile.

“Pardon? What did you say?”

Yet, no matter how long she kept smiled at you, your face didn’t soften, your frown only growing more intense as you took a step forward.

“Stop trying to lie to me, please. If there’s just the slightest chance what you’re keeping a secret might help to avert the prophecy, then you have to tell me, I’m begging you”, you ignored her attempts at playing it off, your voice growing more shaky as you kneeled down in front of her, instinctively taking her hand into yours while trying to look her into the eyes, only for Furina to avert your every attempt. Her free hand clenched into a fist as she tried her best to keep up appearances.

“The future of Fontaine may depend on it, please”, you begged one last time, your eyes becoming slightly watery as you gave her hands one more soft squeeze, forcing Furina to try her hardest not to break down right in front of you.

“Haha, you are aware that slandering an Archon counts as a crime, aren’t you? Let’s end this conversation before you accidentally say something you might regret”, she suggested, trying to sound as confident and cheerful as ever, her eyes closing as her smile grew wider, all the while praying you’d just let it be and forget the whole thing before you grew too close to figuring out her secret.

Instead of budging however, your grip on her hand grew tighter, as you looked at her with an expression that grew more resolute by the second. “If you can’t find it in yourself to trust me after all these years, then you leave me no choice. I won’t let you go until you tell me”, you put forward your ultimatum… it was admittedly a weak one, your desperation seeping through your every action, and still you didn’t let go no matter how pleadingly Furina looked at you.

Don’t make me do this. Please forget it before it’s too late. Her thoughts screamed inside of her, wishing to break free as she remained completely silent, only for her mouth to open one last time.

“You will let me go. I am your Archon, you would do well to remember your place. No matter how close we seemed”, Furina stated immediately after standing up from her seat, looking down at you with as brave of an expression as she could muster, only to take one final breath before continuing, fighting the tears threatening to well up in her eyes as she felt her voice threaten to be reduced to a whimper. And yet, no matter how much it hurt, she pressed onwards, not wanting to leave any chance of you figuring it out. “You will leave this room and pack your office. I shall arrange your final paycheck and a farewell bonus for all your hard work and that shall be it. Farewell.”

For a moment, it looked as if you wanted to object, only to stop yourself when you saw the determination in her eyes, swallowing your final words before slowly standing up as well and marching to the door without saying anything, your shaky hand grabbing the doorknob before you opened it.

She almost called out to you then and there, telling you that she was sorry and didn’t mean it, and yet, the words never left her mouth and soon after you were gone. The moment the sound of the closing door echoed through the halls, Furina collapsed onto her seat, tears streaming down her cheeks as the empty room was filled with her silent sobbing, one word leaving her mouth over and over again until it eventually became one with her cries.

Sorry.

Even though Furina knew after what she had done she had no right to expect to hear anything from you, she still hoped to get passing news on how you were living a happy life, fulfilling whatever goals you set for yourself after the two of you parted… and yet she never heard anything about you again. Just like that you were gone, vanishing into nothingness. Maybe you left Fontaine for another nation or maybe you chose to live an uneventful life, but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. You were gone, almost certainly having died centuries ago without Furina ever getting the chance to apologize and tell you the truth…

Maybe, she’d get the chance to meet you again one day, when her time was up and she left for a final journey, but until then, there was nothing she could do.

#furina #furina x you #furina x y/n #furina x reader

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emeritus-fuckers · 1 year

Note

the papas/seestor with an accident prone crush or s/o? inspired by the fact I kept getting hurt while sewing today, I need to watch what I'm doing 💀

- 🎠

Fun fact: all the dumb ways reader got hurt (in the ones I wrote) are based on dumb ways I've managed to get hur. Though I didn't react that dramatically lmao - Jez

All bar one of the incidents I wrote are inspired by my own tendency to trip over things, the other well you’ll see :) - Nyx

Papas and Sister Imperator with an accident prone s/o

Primo

You had good intentions. You really did. You just... got distracted.

You were supposed to help Primo get the plants on top of his shelf so he could water them.

But neither of you were tall enough to actually reach it. So you got a stepping ladder, took them off, he watered them and you put them back up. So far so good. You even got off the ladder safely!

So what happened? You picked it up without folding it all the way to the end first.

And so it kind of just... slammed on your thumb, pushing your nail into the flesh hard enough to make you bleed.

And that fucking hurt.

You ended up dropping the ladder to the ground, whimpering and holding your thumb in pain.

"Show me, show me." Primo urged gently, taking your hand in his with worry evident in his eyes.

"Ah, it's nothing too bad. It'll stop hurting you soon, my beloved." He promised, gently kissing your wounded finger.

You tried explaining to him that you're fine and you have to take the ladder back, but he already forgot all about the ladder, bringing you to the bed.

"It's alright, my darling. Would you like a bandage for reassurance?" He asks. He knows you don't need a bandage, but perhaps it would reassure you? He remembers his brothers would always need a bandaid for the smallest cuts when they were little, otherwise they would not live down their big, scary wounds.

So for years now, he'd always have band-aids and a small first-aid kit on hand.

So you explain to him that you just have a "tendency" to get into accidents.

He would chuckle softly at it, kissing your forehead.

"Don't worry, my dear. I will always be here to patch you up if you get hurt." He promised, kissing all of your fingers, being especially gentle with your hurt thumb.

Secondo

Sewing seemed like a great idea when you started, but now your fingers were more like a pin cushion and you’d once again misplaced the needle and thread.

“Amore, what are you doing?” Secondo raises an eyebrow. “Is this shirt to be dyed red by your own blood? I admire you commitment, but surely some red dye would be quicker and less painful?”

He goes over to you and gently kisses your hands. He pays particular attention to your bleeding finger. His lips brush over them soothing the pain.

"I feel I must step in and stop this masacre, come to bed with amore." His kisses move from your hands to the side of your neck. Then he’s kissing your lips, passionately insistently.

The next day he goes out early, coming back with a box to keep all your sewing stuff in. He then holds out another package wrapped in brown paper with a green ribbon. A silver thimble. “To protect your fingers, please use it from now on" He places it on the tip of your finger and grins.

You find you get much less sewing done, he'll just come over and seduce you, saving your hands from anymore injuries.

He realises you are accident prone from that event and the time you tripped over a small step.

So if there is anything where you are likely to have an accident he will sweep you up in his arms instead and carry you. When the danger is past he’ll put you down with a kiss.

Terzo

"Just to clarify..."

"Yes?"

"You put your hand into the pocket of your jeans..."

"Yeah." you nodded.

"And you managed to cut you finger on a loose thread while doing that?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Per l'amor di Satana, mio caro…" he sighed, watching you put a bandaid around your cut finger like completely nothing happened. Like this was normal.

He thought he was clumsy with how often he tripped and fell, but considering how absolutely unothered you were, it seemed like it really was normal for you.

And so he starts to ask questions. And you tell him how you just always just kind of... got into accidents. They were never anything too bad, just very inconvenient.

And he takes that personally.

From now on, he makes sure you can't get into anymore accidents.

You still do, but you appreciate it anyway.

Copia

He first realised you were accident prone when you fell over the living room table. Book clutched to your chest water bottle in one hand you just walked straight into it. Shins hitting first and then you fell forward. With no way to stop yourself you ended up landing facedown on it the wind knocked from you.

Shock gave way to pain and embarrassment. You lay there laughing and crying all at once.

Copia appeared in the doorway, silk dressing gown on, eye mask pushed up on his forehead and his hair dishevelled from having been asleep.

“Cara mia! What happened?” He is straight over to you. Checking you over earnestly. “Are you laughing or crying?” He wipes your tears away.

“Both” you say now more embarrassed. Thankfully you’ve escaped any serious injury as he looks at the table.

“Bad table” he gives it a smack with his hand and looks back at you grinning “is that better Tesoro?" You start to laugh properly, smiling and nodding.

Now he always keeps an eye out for any possible mishaps. He is getting very good at catching you when you trip while out walking together.

He wants to bubble wrap his whole room to keep you safe, but thats a bit impractical. So he’s had the Ghouls make sure there are no sharp edges you can walk into (like the corner of the kitchen work surface, which is hip height, and very painful that one time you did).

Old Nihil

You had joined the band for a sound check. What could possibly go wrong?

He is surprisingly fast, for an old man.

He even drops his saxaphone as he sees you, inches from the edge of the stage.

He grabs the front of your t-shirt as you start to fall backwards. He then gets his arms around you pulling you close to him, and holding you tight. He takes a few steps back to safety.

"You can't die before me." He says panicked, he doesn't let you go.

You are in shock as you realise what nearly happened. He strokes your hair, and shhs you to calm you down. It's slightly awkward but he's doing his best.

"My father fell off the stage, his father, his father's father, his father's father's father" His voice goes to mumbling as you place a hand over his mouth.

"None of them died Papa. But you have saved me from a nasty fall. Thank you" You kiss him on the cheek and the mubling stops. When you pull your hand away he is grinning at you.

"Yessss cara" he turns you away from the edge of the stage. "Yesss you are right." He gazes at you totally besotted.

Although he was fast enough to save you then, he knows he won't always be. So he tasks the Ghouls with keeping watch.

Whenever you get near to having an accident a ghoul appears from seemingly nowhere and saves you. Most of the time.

If they can't, they are getting very good at cuddling you, and helping you with any injuries.

Young Nihil

"I mean... how is this even possible?" Nihil's shoes are all you can see as he stands in front of you.

"Owwww" is all you can say as you lie on the wet grass. How you ended up face down on someone's front lawn is beyond you.

It's Halloween, Nihil likes to go out dressed as himself and scare people.

"You fell over a decoration" He helps you sit up and points behind you. There is a skelaton's hand bursting out of the ground.

"Did anyone see?" You rub your sore knee as Nihil passes you a hip flask, sitting down next to you.

"No just me." He puts an arm around you and starts luaghing.

"It's not funny." You take a large swig of his vodka. It numbs the pain, but it makes you more likely to fall over again.

"It is a little" he grins at you. Such a goofy one you can't help but laugh along.

He lifts the hand up and waves it in front of your face making ghost noises "bewaaaare the dead Papa's of the past, they will emerge from the ground to pull you down to them, to drag you down to heelllll!!" he giggles like a little kid.

You roll your eyes, and stick your tongue out at him. You've forgotten the pain, the embarrasment.

"Come on" He says with a smile you just can't resist. He tosses the hand behind him. "Let's go and find a party." He's up on his feet holding his hand out to you. "Let this current Papa show you how life should be lived." A lacivious smile replaces the mischevious one, and you are pulled to your feet.

Young Sister Imperator

"How did you even hit yourself on that? It's always been there. You know that."

"I didn't." You whined, rubbing the back of your head after you hit in on a shelf.

"You helped me put it there." She chuckled, observing you from her desk.

"Is bullying me funny to you?"

"A little bit."

You'd pout at her and she'd chuckled before she finally got up and wrap her arms around your neck, pulling you for a sweet kiss.

She'd tease you about it, calling you hopeless or a baby, but she'd also take care of you.

She'd order someone to get you your favorite hit drink and your favorite snack.

If she's not too busy, she's gonna let you lay your head on her lap as she plays with your hair.

If she is busy, however, she gets you a small spa trip until she has more time.

Old Sister Imperator

"Oh, darling, I told you to be careful..." She sighed softly, yet seemed slightly amused.

"I was trying to help you." You pouted, rubbing the back of your head.

A pen fell from Sister's desk and you went to pick it up... Only to hit your head on the very edge of her desk. It was a miracle you didn't bleed.

"Yes, and I appreciate that. Now come here, let me see." She chuckled, and you obediently moved to kneel on the floor in front of her as she checked your head. "Well, thankfully, you don't look too damaged. How do you feel?"

"Like I banged my head on the edge of the desk..." You pouted, a few pained tears slipping down your cheeks.

"Oh, you pour baby..." She cooed at you, wiping your tears and kissing the top of your head. "How about we watch a movie, hm? Would you like that, dear?"

You nodded, so she carefully guided you to sit on the couch while she prepared a movie night for the two of you, abandoning her work for now. After all, who would scold her? Nobody. Not a single soul would dare.

And besides, she needs a day off. You need to be taken care of. Two birds, one stone.

Papas II, IV, old and young Nihil written by Nyx.

Papas I, III, old and young Sister Imperator written by Jez.

Taglist: @sirlsplayland @firefirevampire @mamacarlyle @thatoddboy @ouijaboardemo @lightbluuestars @mybotanicaldemise @emo-mess @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @lunarsromantichomicide @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @natoncesaid @igodownjustlikeholymary @strawberriiblossoms (send an ask if you'd like to be added! read the pinned post before asking!)

#ask #ghost band #ghost bc #ghost #anon #carousel ghoul #ghost band x reader #ghost bc x reader #ghost x reader #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus iii #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #papa emeritus iv #young sister imperator #old sister imperator #sister imperator #old nihil #young nihil

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elasticitymudflap · 10 months

Note

If Betty returns in season two, what kind of plot lines and character arcs would you like to see for her? Which characters do you want to see her interact with?

oh man. okay buckle up because you are about to endure my full frontal autism.

first you're going to have to go into this post knowing that i am insane about betty grof. i am aware of this. but they also called me crazy back in 2012 when i said simon and betty probably loved each other very much despite the fact she disappeared, and that she was probably a huge chaotic badass, AND I WAS RIGHT so.

all of this aside, here are a couple things i think would be epic and sexy of them to address:

~betty's past~

GIRL WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

no, seriously. i hate that the cut content from the storyboards revealed so much about her that didn't make the final 'jerry' cut. betty is passionate, intense, and liked simon's work because he was this weird little guy who proudly had all these "out there" theories. she even stated that "ancient magic" was once her major, so it's no fucking wonder she was so jazzed to find the one other guy who studied and believed in the strange things she did.

how did betty come to have these strange beliefs, and to the point of pursuing it in fucking grad school? was she just always like this? did her interests and beliefs put her at odds with others when she was growing up, little miss dig-her-way-down-to-the-devil, and that's part of the reason she wanted all the more to support simon?

reading that scene in temple of mars where magic betty laments "what remains" of her original self after spending so long dedicated to simon, even if you take into account the way MMS is warping her perspectives and cranking her obsessive tendencies to 11, i find it hard to believe betty didn't grow up with some kind of instability or trauma that made her more prone to throw herself completely at someone who showed her genuine love and kindness. this isn't necessarily a fault on simon's part, he probably didn't even clock it because he was so caught up with trying not to fuck things up with her (he's got his own issues). but it definitely seems like this is something deeply coded into her being, especially when you consider she was willing to leave everything she knew behind in an instant for him.

and i NEED to know more about the wacky shit she was up to in ooo, before and after becoming magic betty. did she ever go to wizard city? did other wizards even know about her? what does she think about her time as magic betty? moreover, how the hell did king man even get betty to agree to his weird idea of cognitive behavioural therapy?? how did she actually go from literally willing to kill herself via time travel to actually accepting that she needed help getting over simon?? did prismo and the cosmic owl get involved?? what is their connection to king man and mars anyway, i mean we know grob gob glob grod hung out with them?? do you think betty knew at any point about simon's head holding the fionna and cake universe?? SO MANY QUESTIONS RAAARRGHGHHGHH

also, not to get super sappy, but i want to see the enchiridion expedition from her perspective!! i want to see her progression from 'hell yeah im going on an adventure with that guy whose research i admire' to 'oh my god i love his stupid ass help????'.

~betty's guilt (feat. regrets)~

i don't care what the alternate bus stop scene said, you will never convince me betty grof has "no regrets". i think she has 'no regrets' in terms of loving simon, and she would never want him to think that she regrets their relationship because of what it "did" to her (turned her into a kaiju). i think this scene was betty trying to give simon a modicum of closure by reassuring him of that fact, and trying to help him reckon with the fact that there's no going back and changing how things ended up for the two of them; from here on out they can only move forward.

that being said, we know that betty will often push simon into doing things she thinks are best for him, whether he wants these things or not, such as not getting held up by snakes or not dying. she's a quick thinker and a risk taker who doesn't like looking at the 'big picture', and these are things she's probably very aware about herself.

i think, in the 12 years that they were apart, betty probably had a lot of time to reflect on her decisions after the crown came into their lives. how her hubris in trying to study magic ended up in her becoming "magic betty", how magic betty nearly ended/condoned the end of the world multiple times, how she ultimately did cure simon but almost killed him in the process. most of all, you cannot convince me betty wouldn't agonize over how her split-second decision to jump into the future affected simon. you really think betty fucking grof would've have been totally unaffected by the revelation that simon spent nearly ten human lifetimes agonizing over driving her away?

in her last interaction with him, magic betty's recklessness cured them... only to then be grotesquely crushed to death inside of golb. but he didn't get upset with her, he didn't panic, he didn't even fight it, he just... gave in. there's this air of acceptance to him, an acceptance that comes after prolonged and complicated grief, that i'd argue, wasn't the culmination of being cured, but the culmination of his long and painful battle over losing her; he was content to die as long as he was with her. that must have been... really something for her to mull over.

i could easily see her developing a bit of a complex over it. i think it would be fascinating to see a betty who now, after all the dust as settled, has looked at their history and concluded that she was the common denominator in all of this, that she is bad for simon, that in a way she is a "curse" to him. and that it would be the perfect justification for her staying away from him all these years, thinking without her influence he could finally move on from her and live the rest of his human life happily with his new magic future friends.

i don't think betty has necessarily "moved on" from simon, i think she still loves him dearly... but as i said, thoroughly convinced she'll only damage him further if she keeps trying to pursue him, and that simon's breakdown during season 1 was only more evidence to that fact.

i think she's trying to lead him to get over her 'for his own good', and that she's purposefully being vague and simplifying conclusions about their relationship so he doesn't try to fight her on it like he always does when she makes these huge decisions for them. she's not bringing any of the stuff she actually regrets up with him because only betty sees it as a problem. simon is so enamoured with her he probably wouldn't even entertain the possibility that she had negative effect on him, but he would believe the reverse in a heartbeat.

this isn't me saying they're ""toxic"" at all, i'm saying that these are two very damaged people who would benefit from multiple types of therapy. and that, as they are, they currently are more likely to keep going in loops with unhealthy behaviours and blaming themselves ad infinitum rather than try to reckon with how they can change, and how it is a problem that they'll always do it for the other, but never for themselves.

even if all of my above ramblings turn out to be bunk: betty grof needs some kind of therapy for her pre-existing self sacrificial tendencies and self worth issues, a space for her to process and work through all of the things that happened to her in ooo, couple's counselling, and the biggest blunt known to man.

you might be wondering "emery, why are you talking about her like she isn't beyond such things? she's golb now, the embodiment of chaos! her ""arc"" is over."

~golbetty conspiracy theory time~

i'm not entirely convinced betty is golbetty as we've come to understand her. i stand by this with my crumbs of a conspiracy theory in that when simon first did the ritual, it was ORIGINAL golb's face that flashed over the scene (not golbetty or even the statue's face), and how golbetty seemed to transform back into Golb Classic after she blew simon away into the void. there's also this weird thing where golbetty had these holes or rips on her leg when she rotated; i thought it was an animation error but then it was also in the storyboards so idk what to believe...

plus the boards ive seen seem to only refer to them as "GOLB", never 'GOLBetty', which i just find... interesting

and i keep thinking about simon info-dumping about golb to betty in the 'come along with me' flashback and the specific wording that was used: "imagine if we could somehow harness all that dank energy..." and then comparing it to the specific wording of betty's wish "... however it has to happen, I wish for the power to keep Simon safe"

there's a couple lines in 'you forgot your floaties' regarding betty's work before becoming magic betty that i feel often get overlooked, one being how tiny manticore describes the situation as "she thinks she can save her BF, Simon, by finding the source of magic," and in betty's own words: "studying [magic madness and sadness] could lead me to their underlying cause, and then I'll control the forces that hold sway over Simon"

i've always wondered if part of the reason betty's wishes to "banish golb from this world/for golb to disappear" didn't work was not just because they didn't tap into her heart's deepest wish (keeping simon safe), but because a wish like that would also require some kind of fundamental change to the laws of the universe first in order for it to work. magic betty even references golb as "the most powerful force in the universe," so how would the crown ever hope to compete with that? according the ancient candy elemental, wish magic has the potential to cause "irreversible damage to the very structure of existence". maybe the crown itself couldn't banish golb with a simple wish, but it could restructure the world to create someone who was powerful enough to control even golb, if only it were structured through the correct wishing language.

and it would make total sense for betty to become that person.

i've been thinking about the way the candy elemental tries to warn evergreen from using the crown: "this wish may see things in you you cannot see yourself, can you truly say you know your heart's truest desire?"

i wonder if there may have been two elements to betty's wish, and the part of it that betty "didn't see in herself" was her worded in the language of "power"; betty's desire to gain control over forces of the universe no human could ever hope to fight against, let alone win.

she spent her human life fascinated by ancient magic, fighting to get her's and simon's work recognized as valid and worthwhile. then, she's suddenly in the future, fighting to stop simon from dying, physically fighting at times, and fighting to find a way to gain control over these "forces" that held him prisoner. she essentially is fighting to become the conqueror of magic, madness, and sadness... and she fails, becomes a victim of it. and it all goes downhill from there, the loss of control over herself, over her mind, over her goals, yet the most 'betty' thing about her is that she's still fighting, albeit a bit crooked and to the detriment of all else. in the end, she's even fighting with herself, fighting to remember who she even is without the fight, not even sure if that person exists anymore.

and then she's freed, suddenly, from the confines of MMS to the literal confines of a quickly shrinking prison. when you watch the two of them in that scene, she isn't fighting to escape the same way finn is literally fighting the wall, but you can tell she's not giving up. part of her is still fighting to think of a way out, even when it feels like there's absolutely no hope left.

her desire "for the power" could mean, in a sense, to have the ability to be in control of all that she couldn't at one time or another: time, fate, magic, life, death, chaos... but this was articulated through her love for simon, because it's the only way she probably even recognizes it within herself.

this is why i don't entirely think betty and golb are fused, or that betty is solely "golbetty". i think being "fused" with no possibility of escape would be antithetical to the language and possible wider implications of her wish. this is why i think she's something above even golb, like a being with the ability to possess/harness the power of other deities. and i think she does this specifically in scenarios where simon is in immediate danger and she needs to control them or harness their power in order to protect him.

i'm ready to be proven wrong, and i probably will be. still, i rotate these thoughts in my head at a dangerous velocity, and none of you can stop me.

~ok i'm done ill stop being insane now (lying)~

so to... actually answer your question, i REALLY want betty to meet fionna and cake, because it sounds to me like they remind simon a lot of her. i would just love to see the absolute fucking tornado they'd be when put in a room together.

also, obviously first and foremost, I NEED BETTY TO TALK TO MARCELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, as far as season 2 goes, something is definitely up with prismo. and since he's guardian/creator of multiverse entities, who the fuck knows what that means for the fabric of existence if he's glitching out.

all im saying is, i wouldn't be surprised if our main trio end up having to save the multiverse and have to do so with help from other... entities. bettities, even. (hehe. bettity)

#here i am; 27 and writing 7 page essays about betty grof #just as nature intended

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grison-in-space · 6 months

Text

You know, we tend to think about play centered around the boundaries and interactions of power dynamics as a kink thing, but I think that's a bit short-sighted. Perhaps it's that I have mostly taught adults—which imposes a distinct but limited power dynamic on the working relationship—but I find I use play constantly to help frustrated or shy students relax, especially when relaxing about the possibility that I am particularly upset, impatient, or judgemental about their temporary struggle. Lots of smiling, careful observation of body language—if they stiffen further they're not necessarily parsing that it's play and I need to change tactics. I often make an explicit statement like "oh no, the horror, you're learning," smile as warmly as I can project, validate the frustration and point to any clear progress I see, and then ask questions about the place where they're struggling.

Trying to use cuts more to spare dashes, but the more I think about it, the more I keep coming up with examples of boundary/hierarchy play in cases of strong working relationships between established dynamics. It's not something I only engage in from top down, either: I also offer play gestures around boundaries to people who are supervising me, if and only if I otherwise like and trust them enough to do so.

Often students will engage in mock boundary pushing at "boundaries" that they have observed that I don't give a shit about, like the time one of my students was asked to explain why his DNA signature was "found" on a broken pipette in genetics class (implied: he was being charged with breaking it as part of an exercise in interpreting DNA fingerprinting data) and he submitted a two page legal brief with fully referenced case law mock accusing the class of stealing his genetic material without a warrant. (I was delighted. I often think fondly of that student, who had been enlisted military and clearly enjoyed play mocking the "brass," but was also absolutely respectful and engaged when it actually mattered.)

I see that with my dogs, too. For example, yesterday I observed Tribble catch my eye, start briefly digging in the garden—a behavior I pointedly discourage and have for most of her life—wiggle, and then take off to race around the yard while I stomped after her and pretended to be mad until she bounced up to the door and requested to come inside. (She was almost certainly getting cold.)

It's always risky to make inferences about animal signals and especially intentionality without good falsifiable hypotheses about what is being intentionally conveyed and unpacked, so just to be specific: she wiggled using very loose body language of the kind that we usually use when playing as we made eye contact, dug until I made an exaggerated outrage face and took a step towards her, and sprinted away to zoom around the yard in a way that a nearly thirteen year old dog generally does not do unless she has a strong, motivated point to make. I was also using exaggerated play versions of outrage: mock stomping my feet with big steps with no stiffness, waving my head from side to side in a gesture I make when playing with animals, a very offended high pitched "oh!" noise I don't make when I'm actually annoyed. Play around mock offense over a mock transgressed boundary, taking delight in each other's attention.

And I mean, she and I have known each other for almost twelve years. This is the dog I accidentally trained using only my idiosyncratic body language for cues; she never bothered to listen for vocal cues until Tay tried to ask her for things with slightly different hand signals and she was bewildered. We're both pretty good at reading each other at this point.

I just think there is a strong tendency to carve out hierarchy and boundaries as Very Serious Business all the time, especially when we are thinking about ethical power dynamics. But it's not always, not even close: ethical play across boundaries should be consensual and bidirectional (even if the social hierarchy isn't entirely consensual, as with parent/child or dog/handler relationships), and if it's not it should cease. We've all seen the mortification of bosses who attempt play with subordinates who are Not Enjoying Themselves, right? You've all seen The Office?

I'm just enjoying thinking about boundaries and hierarchies in this way this morning. We (by virtue of the fact that you're interacting with me on the Anglophone Internet, anyway) live in a culture that finds hierarchy and explicitly acknowledged power dynamics really distasteful and uncomfortable, but those dynamics are still real and they absolutely exist. As someone who has some distinct scars from people who had power over me but wanted to pretend that we were peers when that was convenient, I think there's something valuable about acknowledging how much play can be held in a healthy, solid nonsexual relationship that still has power dynamics and firm boundaries.

#boundaries #hierarchies #play #relationships #social interactions

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wordy-little-witch · 6 months

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I'm experiencing some Emotions atm so I'm gonna project on my little clown man -

TW for talks of periods

Trans masc Buggy who can't get cut/stabbed/sliced/diced. The availability of hormones and HRT is limited due to both canon scientific development and micromanagement from the government. He's a chemist, so he can synthesize his own HRT ((and has the survival instincts to know they NEED medical professionals, so he probably shares that info with them)), but it's not a one and done type of deal.

In Impel Down, he wasn't able to access his T. He was in there for a few months, so he was having hormone shifts there for a hot minute before finally being freed. It's one of the reasons he kept his stubble - it helped with the dysphoria.

He gets out, gets back on track, keeps the stubble bc it helped, he liked it, etc. He had a few times where he wanted to shave again but decided against it.

Now on to the Evil Polycule.

Crocodile and Mihawk's take over and implementation of Cross Guild came with some changes to the budget, including Croc just putting a full stop on Buggy's chemicals for a time. He decided to bite the bullet and send what he had to the pharmacists to keep them afloat bc he's actually a good captain. He just.. has limited meds for himself.

So it's a few months into the Guild, Buggy has been off T for a little while now, he's not having too many issues, they're all starting to get to an even keel, and they're even expanding the budget for the chemicals for the pharmacy and also his tools for his weapons. Things are looking up!!!

And then... Buggy starts his period.

And he is spiraling.

He holds up in his room, wrapped in a blanket cocoon, in the dark, curled up tightly against the cramps that are hooked into his abdomen and the sudden wash of dysphoria. He's usually better about this. He usually doesn't struggle this much. Somehow this is worse, he doesn't know why, but he is not okay.

He's not okay at all.

Mihawk and Crocodile are left waiting on him for a meeting. And when it hits a certain point, they're angry, annoyed, and they go looking for him (they are not concerned, they tell themselves, they're not-). They find Alvida, Galdino and Ritchie in the clown's quarters. Ritchie actually gives a warning growl, eyes lidded but sharp. Alvida pales but meets their gaze head on. Galdino is shaking like a leaf, but he doesn't back down.

That alone starts ringing alarm bells.

They ask, they get vague answers at best, and then Mihawk catches the scent of blood. He moves in a swirl of black-and-gold, straight to Buggy's room, straight to Buggy.

It's a bit of a hot mess, but there's an understanding that grows. Crocodile understands, sharing a vulnerability of his own, asks tentatively if Buggy has ever reached out to Ivankov.

Buggy curls up further - as much as he can, at least, with Ritchie pressed against his lap and tummy, purring a storm with kitty worship eyes - and admits that he has. Iva's hormone treatments are injections, and while some devil fruit abilities can circumvent others, that's not the case for him. They've tried. The only option to make it work is seastone or sea water on/around Buggy, which could impact the hormones or Iva's abilities as well.

Also, Buggy admits with grit teeth, Iva's tendency to force sex changes as a punishment rubs him the wrong way.

He tells the two dark haired men about his medicines, how he makes them himself and how his stash has been running low; tells them how he had thought he had enough until the shipment came in with the stuff for his weapons making and the pharmaceuticals; he tells them how he'd given his spare stock to the med tents when they joined because of the denial for the existing budget Buggy had in place.

They feel guilty with the realization.

They decide then that since their actions led to this, it is only fair that they assist. Mihawk brews a tea for Buggy's cramps, Crocodile uses his sand as a heating pad, cool fingers brush through Buggy's hair to help with the migraines, a warm hand and hook help support Buggy's weight when the pain crescendos and leaves him gagging.

Between them and Buggy's usual crew, it's the most cared for he's felt since before a booming laugh was cut shirt by swinging blades and a grin splattered messily onto cobblestone beneath sheets of rain.

#trans buggy #buggy headcanons #i will project on the clown #tw: periods #cross guild #gay gay homosexual gay #nobody is cishet here mwahaha #this is what i do with my time #make characters queer and project

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zezah-xiomara-citrine · 7 months

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It's crazy to think about how HRT has improved my life and outlook so early on. I finally feel at home in my own body, and I have not even started to see real visual results yet. I am slowly starting to bud, I actually feel emotions outside of just anger and contempt. My mind is at peace with just being me for the first time in a decade.

I still have a ways to go. I'm unlearning some male tendencies that are not as nice as they should be. Or at least I hope I am. A lot of things to unpack from there. I did not know I was such a misogynist until really sitting down and thinking about how I responded to certain people. I'm still mean! But I'm learning how to temper my words and think before I just crush people now...

I can sit down and focus on what made me who I am today. The art and music and computing skills that I enjoyed as a youth. Everything seems so fresh and brand new again. I'm even taking time to play video games again, which I have not done regularly since my TF2 clan disbanded back in 2016.

I renewed my passion for movies and film. Animation and cinematography. I'm behind on my reading but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of that. Have to catch up on a few Halo books and such 😅

I feel pretty and soft and flowering. I realized that my past experiences trying to cope with being a male left some scars on me that I need to heal, but I think I have found people in my life who have already jump started that for me.

At first, I thought I had lost a lot of time. Like a huge part of my life was just cut out from not transitioning sooner. Now I understand that it's not about the times I missed out on, that was important for who I was. The times ahead are what makes me who I am and who I want to be now.

I was worried people would like me less now that I'm transitioning, but honestly I don't care anymore. I don't care about any of it. I have my peace and self-esteem back. I have my ambition and drive back. I have hope and community again. I'll take that any day over someone finding me "masculine and handsome".

For now on, I'm placing myself in a box of my construction. Far outside of whatever society and whatever anyone else had built for me.

I'm hoping if anyone else is debating experimenting with their gender identity, going on HRT or just making some form of change for themselves to just take the dive and do it. I think it has honestly saved my life and given me so much more willingness not to give up. In fact, it has made me more of a fighter than I was beforehand. And I'm super super thankful for it. I really am.

I'm in love with life, I am in love with myself, and I'm in love with the times yet to pass and the present time moving forward.

#hrt journey #hrt estrogen #hrt progress #transgender #trans #lgbtq #lgbt #nonbinary #hrt #transfem #girl goals #Zezah Xiomara Citrine

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oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat · 8 months

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Tell It to Me, My Dearest Star

Almost done with this wonderful week of these dorks. Sorry for the 'blast from the past' bit at the beginning, I RAN with this (lmao). If ya want to be added or taken off the taglist, pls ask!

Pairing: Logince, gen

Trigger/Content Warning: insecurity, violent imagery/metaphors (I guess?)

Description: Logan starts to infodump to Roman, but he stops himself before he can get “annoying”. Roman sees the lights dim in his friend’s eyes, and he refuses to let Logan feel so grey for any longer.

Extra: written for Day 6: Tell Me About It of @loginceweek2024! Features my headcanon that when Logan gets really excited or happy about something, his pupils and irises turn into stars (like a star shape instead of a normal circle) and his eyes glow a little more indigo. It operates a lot like Virgil’s purple eyeshadow. Edit: so, I ended up writing them as implicitly queerplatonic and alterous. That was an accident, but we need more qpp and alterous partnerships always. Writing this drabble is also how I realized I'm alterous (lmao).

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

No matter what anyone else says, Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

He’s aware he hasn’t been the most obvious about wanting to listen. In the past, he’s had a tendency to ignore Logan or joke at his expense. He’s silenced him before, and that… god, Roman still feels guilty over it. He was much less focused on ‘how will this affect him?’ and a lot more on desperately getting praise from wherever he could get it. He’s not proud of it. The Prince had been more in Survival Mode, and positive attention and praise was so scarce, and then everything he grew up on- all of his structure for right and wrong and do’s and don'ts- it all came crumbling down, and he- he- well, it got fucked real quick. When Logan and Roman finally talked calmly after such a long time of being opposed, he realized just how much in common they had when it came to being hurt. He’s trying to do better, now. He and the nerd are healing, together, and are trying for each other and themselves. Now, Roman refuses to give into old habits of saying shut up, and he encourages Logan to talk more. Now, Logan is much more mindful of his critiques towards Roman and his work, finally beginning to understand what Roman being the Ego actually means. And they’ve both apologized. Every time they feel they need to, every time the other needs apologetic closure, and only when they need to. If one of them starts saying sorry, I’m sorry for something they shouldn’t have to be sorry for, or have already expressed being sorry for, then the other will gently remind them that it’s okay, we’re past that, there’s no need for you to apologize, let’s just breathe for a minute.

And they both have some mixed feelings over Janus to bond over, especially when he or Patton are still pricks. Maybe they don’t do it consciously, but those two have a lot to work through before certain things can be considered to be forgiven or not. Until then, tensions still rise in the air.

One thing that remains very important for everyone to work on is not silencing literal Logic when he disagrees or brings up a different point. That’s a nasty habit they all developed at some point. Patton and Roman have done it the longest, then Virgil slowly fell into that line, then Janus was… Janus, and Remus only really did it during his introductory video to prove a point. Unlike most of the Others, Remus made sure that Logan understood he didn’t mean it to harm Logan, just so the Others would start listening to or acknowledging him once in a while. Well, in his own way, at least. Something about a stained, makeshift mini book of poetry making it to Logan’s desk, presumingly signed by the Duke with some weird Remus-typical note attached. It helped, as far as Logan’s concerned. It was the first apology he’d gotten in a long time. He and Remus would spend time together sometimes after that, after the whole situation with Working Through Intrusive Thoughts, and made some sort of… alliance? Friendship? Whatever it is, it works for them. They’re both finally getting listened to, now. In the ways that they need to be. And acknowledged, just like they both dreamed.

From what Logan remembers, Virgil was the next to make an effort in healing his bond with the detective. It was awkward, to say the least, after realizing he was beginning to treat Logan like he was treated before his Acceptance. That realization was like a bullet to his chest, a brick to his head, a train- well, you get the point. The first attempted apology was horribly cringe- to Virgil, anyway- and nerve-wrecking and clumsy. After a few more quiet, honest talks in the middle of the night when neither could sleep, Logan slowly became less and less tense around him. Virgil developed a different habit, one where he checks in on the astrophile by leaning against him and letting himself rumble like a cat. It has the same effects as a cat purring, and it eventually became routine when the other couldn’t sleep. They’d meet in the nerd’s room- we already learned what happens when the Lights are in Virgil’s room for too long, so that’s a no-go- and lean against each other, either until someone was ready to talk or until they decided to sleep and cuddle the rest of the night away.

Then, it was Roman. Out of everyone- well, every Side, technically Thomas had started working on things with his Logic sometime after Remus’ appearance, and others followed suit- he’s not proud to admit it took him more time than the other two to get out of his self-pitying head. So, when he first talked and apologized to his nerdy companion, Logan almost… he didn’t break down, not entirely, but there was a lot of anger and hurt that finally got released. Roman saw for himself the orange glow of it hurts, why, why, why, make it stop, please make it stop, and it terrified him. It terrified him because Logan was hurting so much- he still is, but he has some support now- and Roman was a part of the damn cause of it. That first apology ended with a sobbing, orange-eyed Logan being held tight in the knight’s arms, never to be left so alone ever again. That began their journey of revealing their hurt and pain to each other, and though Roman hadn’t been the first, he’d become the absolute closest to the poor astrophile rather quickly. It was like a switch flicked on in their brains, and… and it opened a lot of realizations for both of them. Logan learned what being the Ego entails for the princely Side, and realized how awful he’d been without truly noticing.

Of course, all that being said, there’s still times when someone relapses and lashes out against the wrong people, or tells someone to shut up, no one likes listening to you when it’s been made known that’s the worst thing they can do. Luckily, with the help of those who are trying and are healing, there are apologies and weighted blankets and cuddle piles and half-jokes about something they know won’t hurt anyone. They’ll want movies without anyone’s triggers in them, and they’ll sleep until it’s time for dinner or until morning comes.

But, of fucking course, not everyone is so nice and shit. Patton and Janus are seemingly in their own healing bubble, working with each other, but still they somehow in some damn way aren’t very good with the Others. Janus and Remus have become… complicated with each other, as Remus comes to Roman’s defense a lot more than either of them thought he would. The twins themselves are trying to reconnect after so many years of being separated and at opposite ends.

Perhaps Janus and Patton are trying, but it’s just… well, it’s a lot more complicated with how things have gone. It’s not like they’re not trying. They are, in their own way, but all the damage done runs deep, deep, deep into the bones of bodies. Maybe it’s just easier to try with each other more than with the Others. Maybe, there’s just some unforgivable things, and some Sides who need more time. Maybe, just maybe… it’ll end up alright, someday, somehow, in some sort of mutual agreement of how to help Thomas. Maybe some things will never truly heal, will never truly be gone, but they all can still try and get as close to okay as they can.

But I digress. Enough about the past! It’s done and gone. Why not focus on some brighter, better things?

Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

It’s not just because of his voice. Logan’s voice gets passionate when talks. You can hear the difference between things he says because they’re relevant and important, and the things that he knows eons-worth of knowledge on because he wants to. He’s a curious facet. If it interests him, truly, Roman’s seen him read and read and read until his eyes pop out his head- figuratively, Remus, you chaotic gremlin- and not stop unless someone can kindly force him into bed and sleep. Oh, it’s not just his wonderful voice. It’s also the way he lights up, the entirety of him, when he rants for hours and hours on things like constellations or Doctor Who or sea otters. It’s the way his hands flap excitedly as he paces and rambles. It’s the way he snaps his fingers without realizing, or when he clicks a forgotten pen mindlessly in one hand as he sits. He can’t keep still, not when he really talks and talks, no, how can someone keep still when all this repressed energy finally gets a chance to burst out and dance around? He bounces his leg or taps his fingers on the table, or he’ll even rock slightly in his seat. Maybe the pen clicking or the snapping can be a little annoying to hear, but it’s not that much and Roman will gladly endure any ‘annoyance’ so his beloved friend can stim all his excitement in a safe environment. He understands, to some degree- he stims too, he gets excited and can’t sit still, he gets it- and he knows that not everyone has the patience for snapping and clicking and rocking. Logan deserves to express himself, beyond anything, and Roman feels honoured that the detective feels comfortable enough to do it around him.

Where was he going with this… oh, right!

It’s not just his stimming and his voice, though they’re very good reasons, but it’s also the way his eyes literally get starry. It’s similar to Virgil’s eyeshadow, for a point of reference, in how Roman theorizes it works. His pupils and irises turn into this star shape, and his eyes glow and shimmer this vibrant indigo that he hasn’t really seen before. It’s- oh, it’s magnificent! Roman could stare for hours at those wonderful eyes. He could, and he has, and they’re so beautiful. He’s… god, he adores Logan so much and is so glad he gets to see Logan like he does. They used to be constant opposites, and now- now, he gets to be close with him.

Roman knows how he sounds, but it’s not like that. It’s not in a romantic sense, not fully. Maybe it’s, like, semi-romantic-ish. But mostly it’s this endless care for his friend- best friend, if he so dares- and he’s so happy. He’s happy! He’s happy with Logan. It’s this platonic-not-platonic, queer, strange feeling that makes his heart alive. He’s not sure how to describe it. All he knows, thanks to building up courage to talk it out with Logan, is that his astrophile feels the same. Neither knows how to label it, but maybe it’s better unlabelled. It’s them, and they’re happy with the way they are. They’re happy with each other, and that’s all that matters.

“-reading a book on jellyfish breeds a few days ago, and I learned about Aurelia Aurita. They’re more commonly known as Moon Jellyfish. Did you know they went into space as an experiment in 1991? They also are the oldest multi-organ animal, dating back 500 million years. Think of how far back that dates, Roman! Dinosaurs only date back 250 million years, about half the amount of Moon Jellyfish. Creatures older than the prehistoric era! Oh, and get this: they also- also…”

Logan stops forcefully himself mid-sentence, stilling his pacing and pen clicking he’d been doing. His eyes, which are star-shaped and vibrant, fade back into that greyish blue, circular thing they usually are. The light literally dims from his eyes, and his face and body and stance. Roman’s eyebrows furrow, mildly confused and concerned for his companion. Logan puts his pen in his shirt pocket with the rest of them, looking a little lost and hazy. He blinks, shaking his head slightly, and turns to Roman. His prince has been sitting in his chair and staring this entire time, he notes, and he sits across from him on the other side of the table. They’re in the Mindscape’s Library. Rather it’s more Logan’s library, since he’s usually the only one- besides maybe Janus- who uses it. Point is Logan’s forcing himself to be still and quiet, and it hurts a soft part of Roman’s chest to see.

“I’m sorry, Roman. I hadn’t realized I was rambling,” Logan says cooly, distant, and won’t look at Roman.

Instead, the sweet jellyfish enthusiast looks at his hands. His hands, which twitch with the need to move move move but are otherwise denied that need. He seems to be bracing. The faint reminder of why and how much he did this in discussions and what bracing feels like- Roman knows, he’s had to do the same to survive around certain people and in certain situations- and the hurt in his chest burns the wrong way. It’s not a good burning, not like when the little fire in his heart crackles happily. No, this is an icky burning like he’s a witch set to burn for his sins on a pyre.

“No need for an apology, specs,” Roman speaks soft and kind, eyes reflecting the same as his voice. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Roman. However, I do know I can be annoying, and I wouldn’t want to annoy you with irrelevant information.”

Oh, Logan, no. No no, you could never annoy me with that voice of yours.

Roman’s gaze of concern worsens.

“Logan- hey, hey, shh, it’s just me, Roman, okay?”

The Prince immediately soothes once his nerd flinches at the mere mention of his own name, and it makes his hurting chest ache. It aches his heart, to see him scared and tense and so sure he’s at fault. How did it dissolve so quickly into this? Where did his ranting, rambling starlight go? Why is his precious detective hurting, right now, in this moment?

“What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours, starlight?”

Logan eases a little at the pet name, knowing only Roman calls him that. He looks up at his knight in royal attire, his shoulders slumping once he sees the soft soft soft gaze in his eyes.

It’s safe, he tries to remind himself and his mean brain, it’s safe with Roman.

“There you go, my star. Now, what’s going on? How can I help you feel better?”

“I-” Logan swallows around an unnoticed lodge in his throat. “I don’t know. I’m just… I didn’t realize I was talking for so long.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking, my star. You weren’t annoying me. I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”

“Wait- please, don’t? Please?”

“Oh, my dearest, I’m here, I’m staying. No need to fret, dearest.”

Logan nods, more to himself than anything. His hands twitch again.

“It’s not good to repress when you need to stim, starlight. It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

Roman tilts his head slightly, smiling this little encouraging smile that Logan can’t help but fall prey to. He lets his fingers tap quietly, slowly on the table. Just one hand, the other now supports his chin. It’s as if he were testing to see if it’s really okay. Roman remains patient, wearing the same smile as his star slowly relaxes and stops regulating the way his fingers tap tap tap against the wood. He still wonders why Logan suddenly went from passionate rambling to that quiet bracing, but it can wait until later.

“Feeling better, my dear detective?” Roman catches the lightest blush on Logan’s face as he playfully rolls his eyes, reacting so because of the pet name.

His detective huffs a smile, “A little bit, yes. Thank you, dear.”

“I’m always here, Detective Jellyfish.”

Logan snorts.

“Now, what happened there? You were so vibrant, and then the grey took that away.”

His starlight sets his support-hand next to his tapping one, letting it tap as well. He sighs, looking away from his prince again.

“It’s just one little thought. It shouldn’t matter.”

“But it does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“Are you comfortable sharing it with me, my dearest?”

“It’s- yes, I am. It’s just this thought that I’m annoying you. I used to, didn’t I? I was always told to shut up because I talked too long, and I- I guess… ugh, I don’t know. It’s like this echo that I hear but don’t hear, telling me to be quiet, don’t annoy you, to shut up. It’s so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb-”

Logan gives him a look, sassy side-eye in its finest.

“Okay, it’s a little dumb, but that’s okay. Mean thoughts are stupid. And they aren’t right now, specs. They’re echoes of past bullshit. What’s Remus always saying, there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Didn’t you say they don’t reflect on a person’s character? Hm?”

Logan looks back to him, fully, finally, and this horribly vulnerable confusion sparkles in his eyes.

“You listened to me?”

Roman bares a soft smile, hoping his eyes reflect his honesty.

“Yes, I did. I’ve listened to you a lot more than I let on, specs.”

“Oh,” comes a watery voice.

“Yes, ‘oh’- oh, oh, my dear darling nerd, can I touch you?”

Logan shakes head, “I- I can’t, ‘m sorry-”

“It’s okay, sweet jellie. Need a weighted blanket? I think you left yours in my room from our movie night.”

“Please?”

“I’ve got it. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Logan nods as he sniffles, and Roman quickly sinks out. Before Logan’s mean thoughts from earlier even try to resurface, his prince is back with a star-planet-themed weighted blanket in his arms. He’s changed into soft things as well, and Logan finds himself snapping into his prized onesie. Roman carefully tugs the blanket over Logan, placing it around his shoulders and bundling his precious star into the sensory-safe fabric. Logan wipes his tears away, sniffling again. Roman sits back down at his seat once he’s sure his star is situated.

“You were talking about moon jellies, right? What fact were you going to say, Star Bundle?”

Logan blinks, blushing at the pet name. Stupid Roman and his stupid creativity. It’s not fair that he knows him so well.

“...you really want me to continue?”

“Yes, yes, I do. Tell it to me, my dearest star,” Roman smirks as he purrs the pet name.

Logan doesn’t pout, thank you, but it’s close.

“Okay… well, did you know they glow in the dark?”

Roman’s fond look is all the reassurance he needs as he continues his jellyfish ranting, those beautiful star-shaped and vibrant indigo eyes returning.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie

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taiyaki-translations · 3 months

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Intelligence - Disclosure 5

Season: Spring Characters: Yuzuru, Kaoru, Shu, Kuro, Mao, Kanata, Jun, Tori Translator: taiyaki-translations ENG Proofreader: verdantcrimson (Yuzuru, Kuro), raspberrytls (Shu), sunnyskiestls (Kanata)

Yuzuru: Excuse me, Isara-sama.

I apologize for showing up so abruptly. Is Sena-sama here?

Kaoru: We’d like to ask him a few questions—

Kuro: Why don’t ya just apologize, Itsuki?

Shu: And why should I, when it was Sena's fault to begin with? I refuse to leave this closet until he apologizes first!

Kaoru: Oh? Looks like we entered a scene of chaos…?

Mao: Ahaha… Maybe it’s a bit of a bad time?

Sena-senpai got into a fight with Itsuki-senpai just now and left~

Kanata: “Fighting” is no good, Shu~ People living in the same “room” should get along with each other ♪

Shu: Non! This is not a mere squabble, but rather a matter of thoroughly exercising one’s own autonomy!

Kanata, as one of the few people I call a friend, surely you understand me? Communal living requires rules of non-interference.

In which case, failure to file a complaint against Sena’s violations of such rules is nothing less than a failure of autonomy. And would that not be detrimental to Sena himself as well?

Kaoru: Um… What’s he saying? Can someone translate?

Kuro: Haha. You’re used to interpretin’ Sakuma, but it’s hard to do the same for Itsuki, yeah?

Y’know how Sena and Itsuki usually live overseas?

Paris and Florence or somethin’? Since they didn’t spend a lot of time together here, there usually aren’t many problems.

But this time, Itsuki was stayin’ up all night t’ sew, and Sena got angry, sayin’ he couldn’t get any sleep. So they got into an argument.

Mao: At first, we tried to mediate for them, you know~?

We got them to bury the hatchet for a bit (1), but earlier, Sena-senpai said his skin was getting rough from stress.

Itsuki-senpai took it as a passive aggressive dig at him and kicked Sena-senpai out.

Kuro: And that’s the gist of the Itsuki-nese(?), I think.

Jun: Hah… How do I put this, it’s a troublesome situation~...?

Shu: And what’s so troublesome about it?

Jun: Oh no no, I didn’t mean it like that…

But do you really need to go that far over a room dispute~?

Shu: That is the reason why I was doing my work in the closet. It was a concession on my end to prevent light from spilling out.

Well, it’s fine. I don’t have the slightest intention to make you understand.

If you have business with Sena, then go find him. He will not be back here for a while.

He said that the dorms haven’t been very safe lately, so he is probably staying with someone he knows.

Kaoru: “Haven’t been very safe”... Are you talking about those Mendako aliens?

Shu: Oh, so you know of them too? That’s correct, I’m referring to that strange costume Wataru was flaunting to me earlier.

Since he has a tendency to appear every night and do absurd things, I thought it was Wataru’s doing… Is there a problem?

Kanata: Actually, we were looking for the “identity” of the person inside the “costume”.

The mendako “costume” is currently under my “ownership”...

I can’t imagine Wataru “borrowing” it without “permission”, though…?

Shu: I see. So you don’t think he is involved?

Good grief, whoever and wherever they are, they are certainly a nuisance.

It is because of them that we are receiving a visit from you now—as a result, my sewing time has been cut down considerably.

Is this bad karma? How wretched.

Kaoru: Right~ We also feel like this little thing has ballooned into something huge.

Mao: I agree. It feels like an urban legend.

It started off as a small commotion, but as the rumors took off, the Mendako aliens turned into these scary monsters…

…Though my info’s kinda biased. It’s like the stuff Makoto told me about when he got really into those internet ghost stories, y’know~?

Kanata: It’s “supernatural”, right? Is that a “good” way of putting it~?

Souma often told me about it. Something like a “youkai” (2)?

Kaoru: Ahaha. It’s kinda unexpected that you know about urban legends and supernatural phenomena, Kanata-kun.

Anyway, since I’ve stuck my neck in this far, I’ll have to stick around until the end, huh?

I’ll try to contact Senacchi myself. I’ll let everyone know as soon as I hear back from him.

Yuzuru: (...Phew. Today was quite hectic.)

(A mysterious group of costumed individuals have been appearing in Starmony Dorms…)

(When I went to Kaoru-sama’s live house in order to learn about management, I never expected events to spiral like this.)

(In the end, we found out that Sena-sama is staying at a nearby hotel, so investigations had to be postponed until tomorrow.)

(Even if it is not a big issue, the unsettling situation continues.)

Tori: Ah, it’s Yuzuru~ You’re back already?

Yuzuru: Welcome back, young master.

You returned early today. Are things progressing well with “ATLANTIS”?

Tori: Of course! I’m itching to tell you all the details, Yuzuru~♪

Ah, could I talk to you for a bit? …No, maybe I wanna announce it all together at the end instead!

Yuzuru: (Ah, I want to protect this smile…♪)

(We must clarify the matter behind the Mendako aliens soon so that we may restore peace to the dorms.)

(While this concern may be unfounded… If the young master, who is a scaredy-cat, were to come across these aliens, he might not be able to do work for a while.)

(I must do what I can to prevent that scenario.)

Translation Notes: 1. Literally “to sheathe one’s blade” 2. Youkai (妖怪) lit. “strange apparition” - supernatural entities and spirits that appear in Japanese folklore.

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#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translations #yuzuru fushimi #kaoru hakaze #shu itsuki #kuro kiryu #mao isara #kanata shinkai #jun sazanami #tori himemiya #intelligence

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safety-writes-noms · 1 year

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Hi hello it's me again, heard you wanted asks-

I was wondering if you had any more thoughts on spider noir? I'm sorry I'm just really obsessed with him hshsh

Have a great day/or night!

I got you covered! i actually love asks so send as many as you want

vore below cut !!

noir has a small tendency to put people in his over coat’s pockets. His reasoning is something like ‘if they’re not made to hold my friends, then why are they there,’ and he sort of uses it for both emergency situations (carrying around civilians) and casual. But when he can’t, (and he’d actually rather not use his pockets since it’s a lot more dangerous during a fight,) he’ll give the person a quick heads up and nom them before they can fully process what he just said and start panicking.

He understands that it’s scary, genuinely terrifying to a person who doesn’t know what’s going on or happening. He tries his best so that he doesn’t have to nom the person, but ultimately it’s the safest option, if not the most panic inducing one. He hates being the one to cause people’s fear, but he’d rather the person be alive and hate him forever than be dead. Besides, most people calm down a little when he finds an opportunity to tell them that no, they’re not dying, and yes, this is completely safe. Of course that can be a little difficult when you’re scrapping with multidimensional monsters. Or just the normal villains from his world.

(I'm switching over to my phone rn so pls excuse any spelling errors 😭)

Anyways, he always feels incredibly guilty when he has to get someone to safety via transportation to his stomach and he doesn't have the time to explain that what he's doing is for their benefit. It makes him feel like a monster :(

Basically, while he's in the middle of a fight, he has to let the person he's tucked away stew in the assumption that he tried to kill them when they looked to him for safety until he manages to explain things.

But when he does receive the green light in a safe and casual situation (hanging out together, etc) it makes him feel really warm. He sees it as the person trusting him enough to let him welcome them into the deepest parts of himself. Literally. And in turn, he becomes fiercely protective over them. He has that person's trust -- it'll be a cold day in hell if he betrays it or lets them be injured in any way.

he's not one to be impatient if someone is hesitating with the prospect of noms (again, in a safe situation. if he's in the middle of a dangerous one he can't afford to let them take their time no matter how much he wishes he could) and is completely understanding. Noir would actually prefer for you to take as much time as you need, content with letting you move at your own pace. you absolutely know this sweetheart has a whole bunch of safewords or actions (two taps for okay, one tap for stop, three for wait, etc) and makes sure you know them too. Your comfort is incredibly important to him.

he's one of those preds that let you wait in his mouth for however long you want, just in case you decide to change your mind. Him trying to keep his breathing soft and slow so it doesn't alarm or frighten you in any way, making sure his tongue isn't moving too much underneath you, inwardly wondering if you're fine with your clothes getting a little soaked from his saliva. especially if it's your first time. he always feels so happy that you trust him enough with your first ever experience with noms and is determined to make sure it goes well.

then he'll be slow and careful as he tilts his head back and let's you slide down into his tummy as gently as he can.

#extreme cuddling #s: spidervores #sw answers asks #spidervores #sfw vore #nonsexual vore

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itsmaddienotmaddy · 1 year

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I wasn’t going to blab my soccer nonsense but I can’t HELP IT.

We won, we scored, it’s World Cup season and I’m living for it.

Soph is inevitable and how fucking exciting is it that she got TWO goals and an assist in her World Cup debut. So good. So deserving. Miss ma’am put in the WORK today. She also needs to make quicker decisions on her passing, she waits and loses the open opportunities forcing her to go back or try to take on 4 players on the dribble.

Trin, also a DEBUT. It’s really really fun to see these players on this giant stage. And tbh, I think Trin would have done better if she hadn’t been trucked in the first 30 seconds. I think she’ll likely build in this tournament. I’m waiting for a worldie.

Alex - needed exactly what Tobin said in the first re inc recap episode. She needs good service. Soph and Trin like to dribble. There’s a conflicting front line game plan. That being said, she worked her ass off. Had really good opportunities and read situations really well. And my GOD, that flick assist to Soph is what dreams are made of. Should we ignore the penalty? Ummm. I kind of already blocked it from my brain. Soph should have taken it.

Pinoe, I love her. We all love her. Not her game. We know this. She obviously knows it. But the promising thing she does is that she’s this linking spark. Lindsey must have been pumped to have her in because all of a sudden, there were passing triangles pinging all over that side.

Alyssa (baby) - another youngin! I can’t find it in me to be anything but so freaking happy seeing the youth get this experience. No curmudgeon here for now. She had one great run and cross that was promising. Had a hard time staying on her feet, but can ya blame her?

Andi, sweet Andi. This was a great game for her to get minutes and side bar; she’s not a baby youth but it’s her first World Cup too and I’m PROUD. Idk if she’s always gonna cut it against top opponents but I appreciate her vision and her physicality. She’s a brick wall and really and truly, in a 50/50 sitch, my money is on Andi staying tall and the opposing player eating grass.

Savannah. How’s she doing? Can she believe it? How NUTS to have your literal second cap be starting the first game of the World Cup. She was getting shoved and getting really familiar with the grass for a bit, but she settled and actually looked extremely comfortable, stood out positively, and had some really good goal opportunities. She’s very cool, I wanna see a banger one of these games.

Lindsey has a pretty good game! She is a brilliant player and there were such good moments showing just that. Her pass to Alex’s flick to the first goal. Beautiful. And she had a few more that were so so nice. Went down easy a few times per usual but I do think she adjusted to the game and the lack of calls and she was working to stay up, putting that damn muscle to good use. She does have a tendency to overthink the strike when the ball takes a hot second to get to her. But, that third goal. A solid freaking rip.

Miss Rose. I missed that pale bitch so much. She makes the midfield. She makes those around her better. She allows a different attack because she carries the ball so well and folks are confident in her foot skills to allow her to work. She wasn’t perfect - her headers will forever crack me up. But we are at our best with Rose on the field.

Naomi. First World Cup whom? She is smooth, she is calm, she is consistent. Idk how she’s so young. She’s got amazing energy, big fan.

Center back Julie. She did what we needed back there. I’m curious if she was utilized as center back for the veteran experience or if she was put there instead of in the 6 because her fitness level isn’t midfield tier yet. Either way, blue headband blonde hair target on set pieces is something I’ve been missing in my life. She’s crazy. And we need it. Idk whom else is working as hard as her to get a body part on the ball for set pieces. (Can I say it? Can I say I miss Jill Ellis era set pieces?)

Crystal was doing lovely Crystal things. She works super well with Soph and if Soph could have weighted those passes better on the overlaps, oooohhhhhh!! Could’ve been SO good.

Foxy, a commanding debut. She looked v good. Maybe a touch better on crossing but she really just killed it. No other notes needed.

Kelley. Miss Bitch. Miss ‘I Know Exactly the energy you gotta bring to a big tournament’. No joke. Kelley brought tournament vibes onto the field. Her experience is unparalleled and I thought she made good use of her minutes. Her overlaps were good. Her connection with Lindsey and Pinoe was very good. And her crossing was spot on.

Sofia. Not the debut I’m sure she wanted. Usually a great crosser, not great today. Got smoked on the one defensive run needed. It’s a bummer.

Alyssa (uncle). I love her. I trust her. She didn’t have to do much. But I still love her.

And Vlatko gets a section because he confuses me. His game plan always seems so sleepy. The thing about the USWNT is that they used to put on a show. Loud sparkly ruthless bad bitches. And the personnel still has that in them, I KNOW THAT. I just don’t know why that’s not being accessed and unleashed. Which makes me blame coaching. Idk if he’s too nice, too careful, too unwilling to change the expected game plan when the actual game requires something different.

I am just a dumb bitch on the internet, however, if my players are getting pushed and shoved left and right and the ref isn’t calling shit…. I may rethink my idea of putting in my two most fragile (and arguably some of the most important) players in. I am so aware that Rose and Pinoe needed game minutes. Especially before the Netherlands. So I’ll let it slide this time lol. But the energy of that game - the ref letting all the physicality, pushing and tackling slide? That’s a… oh, maybe I put a Kristie and a Sonnett in and get them to put on their enforcer pants and change the flow of this game.

#uswnt #fifa world cup #Sophia smith #alex morgan #trinity rodman #megan rapinoe #alyssa thompson #rose lavelle #savannah demelo #Lindsey horan #andi sullivan #julie ertz #naomi girma #crystal dunn #emily fox #kelley o'hara #sofia huerta #alyssa naeher

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wsdalt · 3 months

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hellooo i am a bit late but. ask game! 🏜️🎨🥤? (ik you did the last one already but recs are always fun!)

"what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?"

um… okay firstly i obviously love all comments, but i will say i enjoy when people sort of… point out/engage with the thesis of sorts of the fic? i suppose? i don't always go into a fic with a "thesis" i'm trying to convey in mind, but sometimes i do and i like when people pick up on it and engage with or mention it \o/!!

"recommend an author or fanfic you love"

well… i would recommend you pfft but you're the one sending the ask. so um… in the interest of sticking with felps related fics i will recommend “we made out way by finding what is real” and “once more to see you” because I’ve been in a federation escape stream mood \o/!! First one is them escaping (+ timeloop concept) and second one is post-escape… fluff I suppose? as much as it can be considering the circumstances and paranoia

"link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it" (out of order just in case i need to use a cut pfft. i did need the cut. okay have fun \o/)

it's that time of the week, time to pass the felps bystander guilt art… while this features other people in true nature to myself i will focus on felps with this though okay lets go: very cool piece first of all \o/!! second of all i have no idea if this is jaime's intentions with this art at all but…

felps having his face turned towards what is happening with cell and pac, but when you actually look he's looking completely past them? they're in his peripherals, surely… it's not that he can't see them, or he's entirely ignoring what's happening--it's in a murky sense of acknowledging it without acknowledging it? he's acknowledging it, but he can't look right at it. i like that as much as cell and pac draw your attention, felps stands out a lot--everyone else is in orange, and they're also a lot more… "fluid" i guess than him? (although with JV it's because he's dead and dead bodies don't really hold tension oops…) i just really like the perfect posture + almost casual stance

i think you can link it easily to the fact felps has a slight tendency to fall into the "everything's fine \o/" way of processing things--or at the very least tries to brush over his issues? it's not his method 100% of the time, and it doesn't fully work, but you know--you can also link the fact it doesn't fully work to the fact he looks back: he can't fully ignore it

i always imagine this scene as felps being told by cell to stand guard and make sure no one interrupts him and this very much feels like a depiction of that. a very sort of hopeless "what else can i do but this?" and throwing himself into it. he has his guard stance--but he looks back! maybe because despite the neutral expression (see again: "everything is fine" approach) he does care about pac a little and he doesn't want this to happen. he can't bring himself to watch, but he can't bring himself to look away and pretend it isn't happening either!

back to felps standing out: it really plays into that line he had when he mentioned to richarlyson that he was in prison--i'm paraphrasing a little i think because i don't have time to hunt it down, but he said something like "i was on the other side. i was alone." and you can really see that here! he's definitely not "one of them". the different uniform, the different colours, the difference in stance… despite the fighting going on the others seem more "united" as a concept…? i don't know how to explain it

the bystander guilt is also a fun thing combined with his saint stuff and all that, but that isn't specific to this piece

anyway getting specific with it and really just taking audience interpretation liberties here even moreso than before: colouring behind felps' head as halo and by extension priest imagery if you're me. his hands behind his back is cool--i can't remember if i wrote this into my fic(s?) specifically because of this piece, but i do lean into the idea of him during this era holding his hands behind his back as a professional way to hide them so people can't see them shaking

felps being the tallest can also be a reference to the fact he's technically supposed to have the most power here due to being a guard, but that's neither here nor there as he… doesn't actually have much power in the scene (the blackmail). although maybe just the illusion of power, but not acting on it is interesting? to someone like pac--he could've stopped it. or tried to. but he didn't. and we know that's because of the blackmail--but it'd be hard for pac to conceptualise that if he wasn't the kind of person to do the "everything's fine!" thing and succeed very very well until he has to break

celltw are fun and jaime did amazing with them of course, but this piece will always be the felps bystander guilt art to me. i have it as my lock screen pfft

#wsd/f.elps #? sure it can have that tag #hi \o/!!!

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linkspooky · 1 year

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TITANS, ISSUE #2 THOUGHTS.

This is way late but welcome back to my continual coverage of the new Titans series currently being released by DC Comics. Goodbye anime it's time to return to my real passion cheesey super hero comics. This is the first series since the N52 and Rebirth reboots to feature the classic New Teen Titans lineup so as a fan of the old comics I'm interested to see where they're taking these characters. Especially since this is the first time in like three reboots the focus is on letting these characters grow up.

This is also running simultaneously with World's Finest! Teen Titans which is bringing back the silver age lineup + Bumble Bee and making them canon again. As a fan of the silver age comics I'll be covering that series eventually too. Anyway, issue number two under the cut.

MEET THE NEW BOSS

We open with a much younger version of the Teen Titans about to ambush Brother Blood only to find the Justice League has already taken care of them. As far as I know something like this never really happened in the old continuity. Robin always acted separate from Batman that was sort of the point, and the only time they really clashed was the crossover with Batman and the Outsiders. It culminated in a story arc where Dick Grayson realizing he'd been emulating batman a little too much realized he didn't actually want to lead people the same way that Bruce did.

Then much, much later in the JLA and Titans crossover Technis Imperative. So yeah, The Justice League never really sniped one of the Titans targets. It was more of a silver age Teen Titans thing that they were just considered the Jr. Justice League and the Justice League / Their mentors were more active in interfering with them. By the time of New Teen TItans, they were just the Titans their own independent group.

Wally's not dead (obviously), but an alternate timeline version of him does give us the interesting premise that Dick is tasked with solving a murder before it even happens. It gives Dick a chance to show off his detective training here presenting a unique challenge to his skill set.

Cyborg's question of whether or not Dick has contingencies in place is a reference to the Tower of Babel storyline where Batman prepared weapons to use against the Justice League with the knowledge of all their weaknesses, only for those same weapons to get stolen by Ra'as al Ghul who put them into place and crippled the league while at the same time sending Batman on a wild goose chase by robbing his parent's grave an forcing him to track down where Ra's moved the bodies in order to distract them. It was a pretty big deal in the pre-reboot continuity.

Dick having those same contingencies shows his control-freak Bruce foiling, but at least he's open about it I guess. I'd say that Nightwing having all of those weapons and contingency plans though does put a little too much power in his hands over the others. The whole point of Tower of Babel is it's not so much about Batman always needing to carry krytponite around in case Superman goes evil, as it is that Bruce needs to feel in control and in order to achieve that he disrespects all of his comrades agency by devising methods to control them.

THough later on Dick does have a point that it's Wally's tendency to rush off immediately without thinking because he is a speedster and therefore stretch himself too thin. IT's the right call to keep Wally close when Dick knows that he's going to get murdered soon, but it's kind of wrong to hold "I can keep you here if I want because I know your weaknesses" over his head to get him to stay.

Dick makes another controversial decision by putting Donna in charge instead of Starfire. This is probably to give Donna a character conflict.

It's funny that Dick chose Donna over Starfire considering their track record with leadership. One of the biggest fights Donna and Dick ever had is when Dick trusted Donna with leading the team in his absence and Donna let the whole team fall apart. Basically while Dick was gone Cyborg and Beast Boy ran off, Raven was kidnapped by Brother Blood and missing for months and Donna basically sat on her hands and did nothing about it. All because Donna's greatest character flaw is being unable to live up to the perfect image that everyone else has on her.

It sparked one of the biggest fights Dick and Donna ever had in the comics, they literally got into a fist fight over this. Anyway, in summary Donna does not have the best leadership skills. On the other hand Starfire led the Titans pretty succesfully when they were mentoring Young Justice in the 2003 comics and Dick walked away from the team.

Dick probably just made the call because it's his tendency to trust Donna with everything, due to their close friendship.

At least it doesn't get in the way of Donna and Starfire's friendship. There's a funny little nod here to the New Teen Titans which had pretty constant inner-group conflict, to the point Cyborg would make fun of it by calling their lives a soap opera. The Titans are pretty famously a dysfunctional found family. We'll see if they keep that element in or not.

Two more things set up for future issues, number one it's Garth's turn to be brainwashed by Brother Blood this week. Garth seems like the natural choice to get brainwashed, despite being a member of the original four he's kind of been more of an outsider to the group. In the original silver age titans he felt so insecure about his place in the group he literally developed an illness and had to quit.

The second is that it's mentioned that the explosion that started the fire is Tamaranean in origin. Considering Starfire's Tales of the Titan comic deals with her encountering a pair of sisters with a healthy relationship, and featured an off-hand mentioned of Blackfire.

This could be foreshadowing the return of Blackfire, which I'm excited but also nervous for. Blackfire is one of my favorite villains in all of comics, but her relationship with Starfire is often reduced to "Starfire is the good one, and Blackfire is the bad one" when in the New Teen Titans it became much more complicated than that and became a pretty nuanced analysis of the conflict between a golden child and a scapegoat.

However, my hot take about Blackfire and Starfire's relationship is a rat for another post, so I'll just end things here.

#teen titans #tt meta #teen titans meta #titans 2023 #titans #new teen titans #dick grayson #garth #donna troy #nightwing #wondergirl #starfire #dc comics #dc comics meta

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netsage · 9 months

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my thoughts on the new HYUNA song drop and the various scenes in the song

1. Mizi rebels (no surprise), but interestingly, is being kissed multiple times by Hyuna to kind of drag her out of her discomfort/thoughts, some type of new ship or platonic relations??? (i’m not sure, but if that’s the case, im open to it, seems like an another great arc and more character development in one way or another)

2. Mizi’s hair was cut off, leaving behind past memories (that’s great! (she looks hot, im not complaining) question is, does this also mean she has moved past from her grievance for Sua?) (does this mean that possible romantic indication with Hyuna? if so, im happy for her for moving on, im sure Sua would too tbh…)

3. Hyuna has like defo a some sort of love hate relations with Luka, cuz he literally killed her brother (HE IS INSANE) (i officially dub him as like some scheming yandere with like manipulative tendencies, cuz she payed attention to him once and he goes like “give me more” anddddd she doesn’t cuz she needs to care for her sibling and he gets jealous and just starts a fight and so happens to “accidentally” push him or something and he’s dead. bro casually looks up to Hyuna and says “woops, i didn’t mean to” and from there on, she just feels absolutely rage and just thinks he’s insanely brainwashed in some way)

4. Hyuna’s group is bonkers and they all just flirt for fun (head canon she’s actually bi/les) anddddd she saved mizi cuz she saw her and was like “omg, my possible partner fr? i’ll give her everything (refer to the scene where Mizi and Hyuna fought like the alien bots or smth and like was infiltrating what i think was probs a base of some sort + like little hugs and kisses (those were so cute)), fuck you luka”

5. Ivan and Till is expect to fight in the next round… and slight foreshadowing, someone hits till’s face, does this possibly mean that he is eliminated in the next round????

6. (continuing from point 5!) but Ivan is said to have feelings for Till, so another possibility is that they try and do a duet, like what Sua and Mizi did. (will they be successful or end up the same fate as the both of them? tragic, but it may happen)

7. another scenario is the Ivan ends up the winner, and Hyuna and her gang comes and pull Till out from the situation (aka just like Luka and Mizi round), then it would be like crazy for Till to handle since Mizi would be there. (or alternatively, Mizi tries to convince Hyuna to save Till cuz Till is her friend (LMAO friend zone fr), and it worked, in which same shit goes down.) (but question is, if this case happens, will Ivan try and report the case and find Till? meaning which, he rebels more (ANOTHER REBEL IVAN ARC (just a teeny bit) ?) and eventually sneaks out to search for Till (his beloved lmao). )

8. but a possible scenario too in that round could be that Till gives up on singing and Ivan punches the absolute shit out of him to force him to sing (or vice versa cuz Till is mad that Ivan is just pitying him or that he’s just giving up so easily just so he can live)

9. OR ANOTHER SCENARIO (there’s so many im sorry😞) is that like Till don’t care (just like when he did in the round with some side character 😭😭), and then screws over Ivan, Ivan just goes like “i wish you the best my liege” and then explodes and Till just either “idc” or “what the fuck have i done”

10. WHAT IF TILL HAS LIKE LINGERING FEELINGS??? (i lowkey headcanon him as like bi but he has this one case of internalised homophobia, refer to like the cover they made with like ‘MY CLEMATIS’ ) cuz like Ivan tried saving him yk, so what if, like he comes to regret that afterwards (head canon, when he’s stressed he feels extremely nauseous to the point he puked like multiple times and got beat up for being like high maintenance, which would explain more about why he’s so feral dog angry at the aliens all the time) (and also cuz like they did like a lot of fucked up shit, any sane human would grow to hate them tbh, so it’s valid, but i like to think that it gives him more reason to want to rebel them even more out of more spite and just plain hatred for what they have done to like the contestants and Mizi (especially her))

11. also back to the topic of luka…. (i hate this man, but his song is so good 😠😠😠), will like he come and find Hyuna? like lowkey Luka and Hyuna interaction fr??? (probs like confrontation in a sense, and then one of them like goes feral or something cuz obvs someone is OBSESSED with like Hyuna 😞😞😞)

ALSO, referring back to point 5, Till gets eliminated and yk the whole “win or die” process, and Ivan just turns into the next Mizi (vengeance or smth) or he just mourns, and refuses to do anything more (REBEL ARC maybe)

another thing i would like to add on from point 3 is that i imagine the three of them just discussing ways to possibly get out of this situation alive, and just was blissfully happy for like awhile cuz they’re all together in this and up till the day Luka (the insane bastard) killed her brother, she actually admired him for like his skills (in terms of able to perform and stuff)

I MAY BE WRONG (but it’s my thoughts and i would like my fellow alien stage enjoyers to give me their insight too, cuz rn i’m just ranting about my little expectations 😞😞)

#alnst #alien stage #netsage’s rant #scenarios i wish were real but we would have to wait 😞#yes i made some headcannons about some characters and i may or may not have been projecting LMAO

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tommyssupercoolblog · 3 months

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Alright, response to last night's Anon, here we go:

I revieved an Anon yesterday from someone concerned that I was infantilizing my husband Seán ( @septiccoffeefreak ), like. that I didn't think he could do things for himself or make decisions and stuff.

I have no clue where that idea came from but I love him lots, and I have literal nightmares about being infantilized myself because I carry a lot of truama for that and am terrified about it. Its a huge trigger for me that leads to meltdowns and panic attacks all the time so the thought of doing that to my puppy makes me like actually sick so I like HAVE to clear this up like pronto!!!

I brainstormed some ideas on how this miscommunication could have happened and how I can add context; I'll be addressing different things that I think maybe could have been the trigger for this ask under the cut, tho I'm not sure where exactlyyyy this came from so I'm having to guess and spread a wide net.

Posts about him?? Idk what to title this section

I run all my jokes and photos and stuff that has to do with Seán past him and make sure they're okay with him. Every time. Even in DMs, even in actual conversation. I'm extremely careful about this.

Additionally there have been many times where he's told me a post was fine but I felt it was too much and didn't post it.

For example: he really likes these joke posts about like "oh I'm just a scared little deer oh no I'm a deer in headlights I'm so cringefail boy failure pathetic" and he makes similar posts. I don't think he's pathetic at all, he does definitely have some introverted tendencies and can be a little quiet sometimes but that's not a bad thing or pathetic!! Plus I think he's funny and charming and awesome and SO SMART?? Gah??? Anyways I think he's the best. He used to be a lot more anxious and worried and sad than he is now, and we've joked before that he's a "rescue" because of those videos of dogs who are super scared/nervous and then become happy and healthy over time.

I try not to joke about that too much though because I never want him to feel like he can't do something and I also don't want strangers to think he's pathetic. A lot of these bloggers he likes call themselves pathetic and sopping wet all the time and as fun as he seems to find calling himself a sopping wet little guy he's so...to me he's like perfect. And I don't like calling him that.

That being said he does have a sort of melancholic air to him, and I don't think that makes him pathetic. He also has this sort of soft beauty to him and I think it's very magical and pretty, but I don't think it's a sign of weakness either. I'm not like, good with words so I don't know how to describe it because he can be pretty in the way sad things are sometimes pretty, but... he's not sad or pitiful or weak. He makes me happy, and he's very interesting and smart and stuff. He's just like... gentle, and there's this weird association people have between gentleness/softness and being weak and that's kind of... bad.

When I try to express this feeling I have when I look at him and like how pretty he is in that soft way I sometimes get worried that the wording will give the wrong impression, and he'll tell me it's fine but I'll be like..."no I can't call you sopping wet I know you like to call yourself that but you're NOT WET you're cute in the way sopping wet animals sometimes are but you're not sopping wet or sad or in need of help and if I call you sopping wet people will think you are pathetic and if anyone thinks bad about you ever I'll EXPLODE EVERYWHERE and I don't know how to word the words I don't know how to!! AURGH!!" and he's like "calm down lol". Sometimes I worry more about this than other times.

If I ever call him my little meow meow or something it's not to say he's pathetic or weak. In fact to be honest? I feel like a lot of the time he's more capable than I am. He's strong and I can sort of rely on him in that way, he makes me feel safe. I feel like he could protect me from the whole world, you know? If he didn't hype me up so much I might even feel metaphorically small in comparison. (Literally I am smaller. I am tiny)

He's just...sweet and gentle and soft and cute/pretty/handsome/WOWWW. And I don't always know how to express that good because I'm not good with words like he is and sometimes he'll suggest or give me a word but unless we're writing fanfic together and both writing entire lines anyway I don't want to steal from him and take credit for his epic poggers brain and his epic poggers pretty big words he uses. I try to think of the describing words myself and put something together on my own even tho it is really hard...

The fact I would do literally anything for him and also I don't want anyone to be mean to him ever

I know full well Seán can protect himself??? He's extremely capable and smart. But he also deserves the world and he also, in a perfect amazing world, wouldn't HAVE to defend himself from mean people. When I post about wanting to protect him or how "I would literally kill for you babygirl" it's about loving him and wanting to help him and keep mean people away, not about him being unable to handle anything at all.

Wanting to defend him is all about loving him and thinking he's precious and WORTH defending. If you saw your best friend in a fight would you be like "oh well they're strong they can handle it haha" NO YOU WOULD JUMP IN AND BITE THE ATTACKER IF EVEN IF UR FRIEND IS TWICE YOUR SIZE ANS WOULD HAVE WON ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY DESERVE!!! SUPPORT!!!!! I would do anything for my babygirl no matter what. It doesn't matter if I could do it or even if I could do it any better than he could, it just matters that I can try. And I love him so much that GODDAMNIT I'm always gonna try.

ANXIETY/TALKING TO PEOPLES

I have never, EVER decided FOR Seán that I should do the talking. I usually try to encourage him to talk himself if he can and hype him up as long as he's comfortable and sure he wants to. But he usually doesn't WANT to talk to people, like at all- it's a rare occurrence. A special one that makes me jump for joy every time because it means he's feeling safer and getting healthier mentally- but a rare one.

Seán's anxiety can be crippling at times and I try to be there for him when it is. He helps me when I have mental problems too, and keeps me safe and talks me down. But I don't think any lesser of him just because he needs me to talk to employees sometimes, that would be awful!!! And he doesn't think lesser of me either if I have an autism meltdown or need help making food (he usually cooks because I struggle with it). Sometimes people just need help.

I don't talk to employees for him because I don't think he can talk to people at all- I actively encourage him to talk to people and try to push him to keep going whenever possible, offer him advice, tell him he's doing great and to just keep talking- but I talk to employees for him because sometimes he asks me to or gets so frozen that i try to comfort him but I can't get through and he's basically just about to cry, or is actively starting to cry.

If Seán is uncomfortable with something and doesn't want to do something, if he's nervous and upset, I'm not going to put him through that when I can easily sidestep the whole issue. I'm fine ordering for him at restaurants if it makes him happier and safer, but when he's feeling good enough to order for himself that makes me really happy!!!

Petnames

He asked for the petnames I call him. They make him blushy and happy. I call him princess and puppy and babygirl because he's shy about it but he really likes it and I want to make himb happy :3

#asks #i made a textpost #he also read this one before i posted it. i meant it when i said every post- his responses are usually delayed because we don't #share an account and have side profiles we have actual seperate emails and tumblr accounts so he has to log in #but yea

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