#and not to update the internet on my lack thereof of a dating life but

[mattynmarns]

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[buildingrelationshipsinanarchy]

A New Intimacy Model

So what spurred this project is a culmination of a few things. Namely, frustration with the imprecise and incomprehensible words, Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual. The English language hasn’t been great at adapting the words for personal relationships as our times and values change.

I fell into Anarchism only very recently, stumbling into the language of ‘relationship anarchy’ through the internet in discussion with forms of polyamory years ago when I started this blog. Over the last year, I’ve been getting into radical politics and finding how my un-politicized opinions were validated, and then stretched the more I learned and studied up. While I’m still learning more about Radical politics, Anarchism, Marxism, Queer and Feminist theory specifically, the more I wanted to link some of my perspectives on intimate relationships with these political and theoretical texts.

“The Personal is Political.” - Carol Hanisch, Feminist Author.

@mythr1der​ wrote a post detailing a bit of the frustration I also share in regards to how the Dichotomy between Platonic and Sexual (which almost all definitions of Romance boil back into), leave much to be desired when discussing attraction, desire, intimacy and relationships in general. I believe that this very simple dichotomy reflects, oddly enough, capitalism and the history of the role of state power in culture. I rant a little bit about it as a response to @mythr1der​‘s post here. 

It’s long, and incomplete, but I proposed an idea of just building entirely new words, so we can build an entirely new map for talking about love, desire, attraction, and relationships that actually discuss what its like to be next to someone you like to be next to! 

What is intimacy? It’s closeness right? To be near some ‘intimate’ part of another person, or them near something meaningful about why you’re you. I wanted to start this series by talking about what it means to be close to someone. If you remember my birthday without Facebook, that might make me feel a bit special. But if you remember how badly I was abused by an old friend, its because I trusted you enough to share some of the sadness that I’m not as loud about.

Intimacy isn’t always trauma, sometimes its tears of joy hearing that your cousin is out of prison, or the laughter of your friends. Being close to each other in a hyper-digitized age is a bit tricky, but phone calls, facetime, snapchat are only some of the tools we use to keep each other updating on what we’re feeling. Whether its about our love life, sex life, work life, or home life, just sharing that information can be real special, and bonding.

When we say that we have friends or that we are [Queer] Platonic Partners, does that mean we’ve decided how often we’re gonna talk or what we’re gonna talk about? What if we just send each other memes or rant about politics? Am I supposed to devalue those interactions because they aren’t the person I’m crying on the phone with?

Intimacy can be as deep as childhood scars and as simple as surprising me with my favorite snack. It all just means you know who I am, what I like, and what I care about. I want to intentionally forge those connections. And this why I set these definitions first. 

Other Words:

A Daekkon (n.) would be person/partner whom you’ve developed intentionally this kind of relationship with. 

If you desired this kind of relationship with a certain person, you’d be feeling Daekeen (adj.) for/about that person.

People who are desiring or actively doing these activities together are Daekkoning (v.). 

This would be understood as Daekkonic (adj.) behavior; as in, “My roomate isn’t super talkative with me, but is deakkonic (adj.) with Sandra from the Mosque.” 

“Tom is going through it, he’s felt deakkonically (adv.) deprived since the move.”

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In our sex-negative, ironically repressed culture, we seem to think that if you’re touching your bodies together at all, it means *something*.  I want to remove that idea. I want to reclaim physical affection. I want to be touch and be touched by others. I don’t want my afab friends who have experienced some sort of sexual violence in their lives, to ever feel weary about the fact that I’m physically affectionate. It’s been my #1 Love Language for the last 10 years. 

Fighting r*pe culture is a full-time fight, but I think adding a word, and therefore an idea[l], can be useful in reclaiming safety, and boundaries regarding bodily autonomy, for all of us. Clear communication and respected boundaries and asking consent for everything are the bedrock we need to continually practice. And as trust builds, I believe this could be very useful theoretically tool for improving the quality of our relationships and help create clearer discussion about our individual boundaries, needs, and desires. I feel like this leads me to a relevant question. What activities are inherently platonic, romantic or sexual? Is holding hands inherently romantic when almost all of us have done it with a friend? What about those of us who are religious or spiritual and have held hands with members of church, mosque or synagogue; do you think we’re out here non-stop blushing at the Pastor? Or when we held hands with family members? Doesn’t sound like it holds up, huh? 

What about snuggling a roommate? Holding a teammate while celebrating a victory? The kiss my bestfriend gave me on our shared birthday dinner? Are we left to through our Aro and Ace friends’ out of the discussion, just because our culture has bad takes on sex and romance as the only forms possible of significant physical touch? Physical touch is such an important way to communicate love and affection, as well as care, concern, and comfort. They don’t get to cast their shadow on this space anymore!

Other Words:

If you had this desire for someone, or wanted to approach cultivating these forms of affection in a relationship, you could say you’re feeling Phaddish (adj.) for that person.

.Participating or initiating acts of a non-sexual physical intimacy Phadronic (adj.) quality are said to be phade-ing/phading (v.).

A Phadrone (n.) could be the name of a person/partner you share this kind of relationship with. 

Phadroning (v.) would the act of cultivating this kind of intimacy with another person. 

Phadronically (adv.) could describe a certain level of intimacy implicit in a physical touch between to particular people.

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Now lets talk about Sex. That’s the thing the everyone’s mind always gravitates to when discuss words like, intimacy, attraction, desire. It’s the thing we want to stay away from when you use the Platonic or Friendly. But, lets be real. Haven’t many of us had sex with people didn’t even consider friends? Or people who became our “Strictly Platonic” friends after we may have had sex, once or several times, with them?

People who gravitate toward polyamory or non-monogamy tend have had a “hoe-phase.” The boundary between friend and lover, or partner and fuckbuddy have been blurred in a good chunk of people’s lives. Non-monogamous or not, I think it’s useful to talk directly about our sexual experiences, desires, fantasies, and how different it can be with different people, or in different stages of our lives. But what makes an experience sexual? Maybe that sounds redundant or obvious; I mean, it’s got the word SEX in it, maybe that’s got something to do with it? But maybe not... 

Lets ask an odd question. Is sex inherently sexual? Who wouldn’t assume the answer is automatically yes? Well, my first thought is to talk to those in the Adult Entertainment industry or friends of ours who are sex-workers, in whatever capacity. Is every client sexy or shoot erotic? Those of us who have sex, have we never been doing it and been bored through most of at least one experience? 

If sex is inherently sexual, why do we have so many Sexual Health Educators, Marriage Counselors, Pornstars, Yoga Teachers, Personal trainers and Writers telling us how to have sexy sex? Dating Coaches and Websites, telling us how we are getting something that’s supposed to sound so easy wrong.

I’ve come to the opinion that sex isn’t about body parts, genitalia, certain body motions, or even clothing [or lack thereof]. I believe that sex, or eroticism, is all about the context and the people involved. There’s nothing inherently sexy about fruit, or food in general, but if woman eats a banana in public, there are at least several men in area thinking of something than her healthy food choices. 

This is why talking about sex directly is good. And understanding it as an energy that you imbue to any activity or circumstance, could help have better sex; and and on the flip-side, show us how we may need to more aware of how we may take up space with our body language. I do also feel, that in part, some of our Ace friends (those who aren’t sex repulsed), may be able to find some resonance with this model; sex doesn’t have to feel passionate or any particular way at all (other than good?), because sex isn’t about sexiness, but about human connection and pleasure.

Other Words:

Serotic (adj.) activities include any activity that is engaged due to, or is infused with, sexual desire and/or erotic intention. It also describes the type of desire you’re feeling for another person. 

A Serato (n.) is any person you engage in serotic activities or feelings with. 

An activity that was originally un-serotic (adj.), but became sexually or erotically charged, we could described as having become Serotically (adv.) charged. 

When you are cultivating or charging an act with serotic energy, you are Seroticizing (v.) that activity

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Lately, especially since diving into Radical Politics, I find less and less desire in defining Who I Am as a part of a relationship unit. It’s an overlay from monogamy, The Couple being the only social unit that is recognized, as it’s necessary to the Nuclear Family; a super important thing for Capitalism to sustain itself. The relationships I cultivate with others, with whatever forms of intimacy or interactions therein, cant be understood by that model. I am more than my interactions with a handful of people; I am a human person, and my engagement with the world isn’t actually reducible to whether or not I’m having sex with someone or not. 

We’ve talked about multiple forms of intimacy, and some of the desires or interests associated with them. Have you noticed that in the desire, or need, to discuss relationships on a basis of, ‘sex: yes or no?’, that we haven’t talked about the webs that form because we are all reliant on each other to survive? Not everyone in your community or workplace or online spaces, you’ll get to know or talk to. Do they, as people, matter less because they aren’t in your contacts list or your DM’s?  

This is a space where not a lot of us to tend think or engage as much. An easy word to discuss this space is community. But is a community the people or the place you spend your time, whether online or off? Is the community the place you live and your neighbors? Is it the people who may share some of your identifiers or face similar forms of oppression, despite living in a different city, state, country?

We are multi-dimensional beings, and with the use of technology, there are so many ways to form relationships, and share resources. I think the ‘community’ is any space you find yourself in, which means that mutual aid is something you are always able to engage in. Whether it’s feeding the homeless guys who hang out by the intersection, or dropping a few bucks in a trans kid’s venmo, mutual aid is so much easier.

But what if that feels so inconsequential? It’s not! But it does, from time to time, feel like the problems of the world are so big, and that you and so many you know are suffering in ways you wish you could help. Well, community organizing is always happening somewhere, online and off. It becomes important to join up with others in order feel like we can actually make a positive impact on the lives of others. We don’t have to wait on a government who’s interest isn’t ours, don’t have to wait for some politician to fail on a promise to Make Things Better.

We have each other, and we are all we really have. At the end of the day, all of our concepts are man-made. COVID-19 showed us how drastically things could be different if the people in power made decisions that actually benefited us. A lot of us understand the need to do something. Capitalism says that competition is what drove human kind into evolution, the fight for survival in a meaningless, terrifying world. Anarchism, as I’m learning, throws the whole idea in the trash where it belongs.

Peter Kropotkin, whose been called both the Godfather and Santa Claus of Anarchism, penned in Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution (1902), “under any circumstances sociability is the greatest advantage in the struggle for life.”

We are better off together. Capitalism and the property relationships in our compulsively monogamous society try to tell us other wise. We don’t have to follow that model.

Other Words:

To Mudshop (v.) is to build a mudship with a particular person, organinzation, or community; Mud-shopping (v.). 

A Mudshipper (n.) is an individual in a mudship of any scale. 

I’ve said a lot. I hope this reads as accessible to as many people as it can be. I built this because I want to tell the people in my life why I love them as dearly as I do. And that I’d love to build relationships with as many awesome, lovely people as I can.

If you try to use the words Romantic and Platonic while you look at this post, and find it almost impossible, I’ve done my job.

I hope those words die along with oppressive ideas they uphold.

[pfenniged]

My (Updated) Masterpost for Asexuality [2020]:

Some Youtube Videos I found Really Lovely and Validating:

Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths

Ace-Spec and Are-Spectrum Book Recommendations

And Some LGBTQIA+ Channels That Bring Up Asexual Experiences:

Rowan Ellis

Problems of a Book Nerd

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Some Shows with Confirmed Asexual Characters:

Sex Education

Bojack Horseman

Liv in ‘Emmerdale’ (UK Soap)

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce “a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation” but only as it compared to the “conscious intellectual activity” he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton’s supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though “the Florence Nightingale effect” is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect’s namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who’s asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion,“ also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and…to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality (NOTE: Some of these are coming out later this year, August and September 2020):

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess: Brave, witty and empowering, this graphic memoir follows Rebecca as she navigates her asexual identity and mental health in a world obsessed with sex. From school to work to relationships, this book offers an unparalleled insight into asexuality.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, And The Meaning Of Sex by Angela Chen: An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity. What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face–confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships–are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice’s last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual. Now Alice is sure she’s done with dating… and then she meets Takumi. She can’t stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated– or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha ‘Tash’ Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn’t want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash’s eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash’s confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn’t interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she’ll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn’t that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways” into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the “real” world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it’s the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it’s going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean’s 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father’s company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego “d0l0s,” it’s college and then a career at “one of the big ones,” like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT–but the student loan she’d been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father–one Robert Foster–is loaded. Nari isn’t about to let her friend’s dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

Loveless by Alice Oseman: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman - one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.It was all sinking in. I'd never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush -  but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she's sure she'll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia's ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her 'teenage dream' is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her - asexual, aromantic -  Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along? This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn't limited to romance.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she’s the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn’t end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTQIA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

A Lot of Ace (An Ace Positivity Blog on Tumblr ♥)

[teaandgames]

The Tea Times - March (2020)

No way around it, March has been one big kick in the crotch for the most part. I hope everyone out there is keeping safe and staying indoors. Your health is not something you want to gamble with. Still, there have been a few juicy game releases to help stave off some of the madness. If nothing else, it’s some free time to catch up on the gaming backlog. I’ll be working from home though, so I’ll just have to resist the temptation of DOOM Eternal.

At a glance

DOOM Eternal, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX, Exit the Gungeon, Half-Life: Alyx, Black Mesa released.

Amnesia: Rebirth, KnightOut, Sea of Stars revealed.

From Cyberpunk to Witcher

E3 Has Been Cancelled!

A Small Update on PS5 backwards compatibility

The Releases!

Phew, a lot to get through here so forgive the cherry picking. I’m also starting with my favourite cherry, DOOM Eternal, which was released on March 20th. I have played through the entirety of the singleplayer and can confirm it’s the same delicious blend of chaos that made 2016’s DOOM so good. It has a few issues here and there of course, but if you like your shooters old school and your guns large, check out DOOM Eternal.

Also on March 20th, which spawned a flock of memes, was Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I’ve had a fleeting romance with Animal Crossing back in the day and I enjoyed myself. It hits the same notes as Stardew Valley, in fact it was probably one of the first series to focus down on making its players relax. Given what I’ve heard about New Horizons, it’s a pretty solid entry into the series. Worth picking up if your stress levels are getting too high.

Ori and the Will of the Wisps sits second in my ‘to play’ list, right after DOOM Eternal. Ori and the Blind Forest was downright beautiful. Hamstrung a little by the rather simple gameplay, but managed to pluck my heartstrings like a harp.The sequel looks equally as breathtaking, so I’m interested in experiencing that once again. That and sinking my teeth into another metroidvania.

I’m afraid I don’t have too much more to say about Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX that I didn’t say last time. It’s not a series I have much experience with. Still, Pokemon has a reputation for a good reason and I’m sure this follow up is going to be as good as the rest of the series. It was released on the sixth of March.

Exit the Gungeon, the platform style mash up of Enter the Gungeon, released on March 17th. It flips things on its head a bit, with us not trying to delve deeper into the Gungeon. Instead we’re climbing out of it while it crumbles around us. It does however keep the juicy elements. It’s still a roguelike and there’s a whole host of guns to collect. Worth picking up if your run in the Gungeon isn’t quite over yet.

Half-Life: Alyx’s best contribution to the world of gaming is all of the videos of people screwing around. Drawing crude things on the windows, throwing bottles around and just generally having fun. There’s also the usual Half-Life depth and the scary headcrabs but we’ve upgraded our gravity gun tomfoolery. Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to do VR at the moment but if you are, then know that Half-Life: Alyx came out on March 23rd.

Continuing the Half-Life theme is Black Mesa, which was officially released on March 5th. Not really too much I can say about this really. You don’t need me to say that Half-Life is a good game, ninety percent of the internet says that on the regular. Black Mesa puts the right kind of polish in, preserving the core experience while removing all of the outdated clunkiness. Xen is now finally in too, so it’s the time to pick it up.

The Announcements

Frictional Games’ ARG has now borne fruit: Amnesia: Rebirth. The trailer doesn’t give too much away (at least to my ignorant eyes) but there seems to be a blend of the modern world in with the past and the… weird. That’s pretty much Amnesia’s forte. While I am a little sad that this isn’t a brand new IP, given how well they crafted SOMA, it should be interesting no matter what. I imagine we can expect the usual run’n’hide gameplay, but hopefully with a thoughtful story to bring in some of those slower scares. It’s knocking on your door in Autumn of this year.

I’m always on the lookout for some nice looking couch co-op games and KnightOut caught my eye. It’s seemingly about building a castle, together with a friend, then doing your utmost to destroy your rival’s castle. Castle building looks to be right down to the individual blocks, so good builders may make a solid fort. Until the destroyers get their job on and tear it to shreds of course. It should be out on early access on March 27th.

Sea of Stars caught my eye with just how pretty it looks. It has a definite old school inspiration running throughout. Graphics and gameplay remind me very heavily of Chrono Trigger, which I imagine will count as high praise for many. It’s a turn-based RPG which looks almost seamless from the trailer. Whether it will hold up while the retro gamers get a hold of it will remain to be seen but right now, it’s pretty charming. It’s on Kickstarter right now, so I don’t believe there’s a solid release date beyond 2022.

The CyberWitcher

With everyone focused in on Cyberpunk 2077, I imagine not many people have been thinking about what’s going to come after. Except CD PROJEKT RED of course, who are going to switch tracks back to the Witcher it seems. This comes from studio president Adam Kiciński who says that they now have two worlds they want to make games in, so they’ll switch between Witcher and Cyberpunk.

While I imagine this does hinge on Cyberpunk 2077 being a success, I don’t think we’ll have too much to worry about. It does mean that these worlds are going to be more and more fleshed out, which is interesting. Let’s just hope they don’t phone anything in.

Oh and CD PROJEKT RED have seemingly buried the hatchet with Witcher author Andrzej Sapkowski. For now at least.

E3 On Lockdown

It was fairly inevitable at this point, given that we’re dealing with a global pandemic, that E3 would be cancelled. After all, gaming conventions aren’t known for their stellar standards of hygiene. All jokes aside though, having a large gathering of people in the current climate would be downright stupid. Hats off to the E3 organisers for making the right call. Looks like E3 isn’t completely disappearing though, as there will be some online presence. 

After all, a lot of announcements come out at E3 so it’ll be weird to lose that. Oh and if anyone did get tickets, they’re reaching out with the intent of providing full refunds.

A Quick Step Backwards

I’ve not covered much of the latest console war, as I’m not really planning on investing into it. I’m more about counting up my pennies until I can finally afford a new graphics card. Instead of anything worthwhile to a regular adult man, of course. Still, there is one thing that I do enjoy talking about with consoles: Backwards Compatibility. Or the general lack thereof.

PlayStation has generally been pretty good with that though and it seems they’re planning to continue that tradition, at least for the generation behind it. The PlayStation 5 (and I’m very glad they’re not just tacking a subtitle on) should be able to play the majority of the PlayStation 4 catalogue. There will be some outliers, of course, but that's the nature of the beast.

Not just that, but they’ll run at a ‘boosted frequency’. What that means is that these games will have more stable frame rates and, potentially, higher resolutions. So your sexy PlayStation 4 games may become even sexier. A pretty good commitment to backwards compatibility, so credit to Sony there.

Now just bring the Yakuza Remastered collection to PC and I’ll love you forever. That’s all for March, stay safe and see you in April!

[chaoticoconut]

1, 6, and 18! 💛

💛💛💛

these will be long as hell I'm sorry lmao

1. for as long as I can remember I've felt attracted to women and drawn to the community. I grew up watching Saturday Night Live with my parents, which I think is where I first encountered homosexuality but a close second was on this other skit show (whose name I can't find for whatever reason) where girl a was getting engaged to her boyfriend and girl b, the best friend and roommate, was freaking out and it ended with girl b kissing her and I don't know why its stuck with me for over a decade but I used to spend so much time up late at night thinking about what love was or why we kiss each other but I never once considered I was anything other than normal until elementary school. Everytime my friend and I stumbled across two girls kissing in pop culture or really any gay representation for that matter we'd tell each other about it and it became this weird fixation of ours until an older girl overheard us and called us weird and gay and I remember I went home and cried and cried because being weird and gay were obviously synonymous at my Texas charter elementary school and would have a negative impact on my life if people found out.

I didn't start taking those "am I gay" quizzes till about 5th or 6th grade. I had forced all homosexuality into a very taboo box for me and when I didn't like this one (very creepy, I might add) boy back in 6th grade and I told my parents, I remember getting this really adverse reaction from my mother ("well then what are you?") that perpetually kept me fully closeted for another year. That being said, I knew I was attracted to boys too. I think I had my first real crush on a boy in 3rd grade, but before that I had liked Wilbur Robinson and Peter Pan and Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner for Christ's sake so I had it in my mind that even if I weren't fully straight I could pass as everyone else's normal and not face the repercussions of being weird and gay. I'd still marry a man and have kids like every other female role model I my life at the time. I felt a lot of guilt during puberty and had tremendous gay panic thinking I had to be one thing or another or even one thing in secret and I was lying to myself in some way about my feelings and then my dad's friend (or my self appointed aunt actually) came out to everyone after having been married to a man for several years. As 7th grade rolled around one of my friends came out as transgender. And the internet finally seemed to really give a shit about the LGBT+ community, and the world felt bigger, and I felt more comfortable giving myself exceptions ("maybe you could have a girlfriend in college but still marry a man"). I discovered flannels, I had gay ships (Harley and Ivy saved my whole life), all my friends were coming out at an increasing rate, and suddenly all sorts of people were attractive to me. The quizzes called what I was bisexual. A pretty girl I knew identified as bi/pan (I can't remember what it was at the time, she changed labels a lot those days) I had met at a birthday party just a few days before asked me over breakfast if I liked girls.

I damn near choked on my toast.

And against every voice screaming in my head to just say no and that it wasn't worth it, I told her the truth and within a few days we were dating. Granted, it was only about 3 days the first time, I finally had one thing straight: I was a legitimate bisexual (pardon the pun).

Then everyone found out and called me a lesbian and I was back in the hole. I didn't want to be a lesbian, not because somehow that was more weird and gay than being a bisexual, but because that wasn't who I was. And I knew that much about myself. I had a lot of internalized oppressive tendencies to confront but at least I had some solid footing in my identity. According to my friends my energy was much gayer in middle school and freshman year and I "struggled" with that (I didn't want to shoo away any cute guys but had to accept that even my bisexual identity was polarizing for some) and now I'm here. I'm 16. I'm very confident in my identity. I'm out to almost all of my friends (except for most of my elementary school pals (including the girl who talked about wlw stuff w me bc she's really homophobic now)), some of their families, and one other adult (she was my counselor in the hospital and after like 5 minutes she was like "and are you LGBT or am I mistaken?" and I had to make sure my mom wasn't lurking around the corner before I said yes, honestly my big gay energy is so powerful), and I may or may not tell my dad before I move out (probably not. I've never been very open with my parents about my social or romantic life. Telling him would probably only make things weird or harder for him to trust me going out and doing things lmao). I felt a part of the community for real when my friend came out to me as bisexual for the first time last month and told me my embrace of it helped her come to terms with her own feelings.

6. I don't know how popular of an opinion this is but finding a label that fit me was really empowering. I played around with the idea of pansexuality and demiromanticism and found that in my specific case they held me back more than they defined me. I felt pansexuality was an unnecessary title to hold with the updated and more fluid and forgiving definition of bisexuality and the biphobic tendencies the community had when trying to empower their base but at the same time who am I to tell someone that their label of choice isn't vaild. I don't give a shit. If it is part of you do you. Have your own normal. Everyone else is weird to everyone else anyway. It won't help to reduce yourself to something you aren't. If labels aren't your shit, splendid for you. If they are, that rocks too. Queer is another label I particularly love. It enforces this no confirmative ideal I have. I didn't even begin to rant about Gender & I. I find the word queer the most empowering label of all in the community, because in whole, we are queer, but we're queer together.

18. I love the memes. Lmao. I love feeling connected enough we can laugh about it together. Growing Up Gay memes in particular made me feel so much better about myself. Those memes where both the guy and gal are attractive. I love the sense of style/lack thereof too. There's this lez senior I already have a crush on who just wears whatever the fuck she wants and idk why but I love it and am so inspired.

[trespeak]

What's your favorite house album?

Wow, that’s a toughie. Might just have to give you a list instead.

This ended up being pretty long so I’ve put all the big descriptions I wrote for each of ‘em under the cut, but here’s the gist:

Daft Punk, Discovery (2001)

Kaskade, Fire and Ice (2011)

deadmau5, For Lack of a Better Name (2009) and 4x4=12 (2010)

Phantoms, Phantoms (2017)

Justice, † (2007) 

Lazy Rich’s singles

Porter Robinson/Virtual Self – Spitfire (2011) and Virtual Self (2017)

I like a lot of deep house and electro house, so most of my picks here are within either or both of those subgenres (as well as progressive house, in deadmau5′s case).

For more of my thoughts (and there are many!), see below.

Daft Punk, Discovery (2001)

Accept no substitutes. For Guy-Manuel de Homem Christo and Thomas Bangalter, making quality tunes seems to just be second nature. Their second album replaces the underground, city-street feel of Homework with a shiny, discotheque-ready sound that stands on the shoulders of giants but does so as a means of updating and widening the reach of their own influences (with “Harder Better Faster Stronger”’s use of “Cola Bottle Baby” as a perfect example thereof). My favorite track on the record, “Digital Love,” perhaps only barely qualifies as house, but between the earnestness of the vocoded lyrics and the heart-stopper of a guitar solo, I don’t even mind – who cares about genre conventions when you’re a smitten robot? It’s utterly brilliant and its era exists as the gold standard for many DP fans, myself included among them.

Kaskade, Fire and Ice (2011)

Ryan Raddon’s seventh album and the one I hold the most nostalgia for. An ambitious effort on Kaskade’s part, Fire and Ice is a double album, with original tracks on one side and remixed, chilled-out versions of the same songs on the other (geddit?). The ICE mixes are something of a mixed bag, with some having more reason to exist than others, but the Fire side of the album earns it a place here on its own, with Skrillex and Raddon giving us their own brilliant take on a classic track from Guy Manuel de Homem Christo on “Lick It,” as well as the smooth vibes of Ryan’s collaboration with his band Late Night Alumni and Inpetto on “How Long.” Another standout track: “ICE,” a big, bumping jam Ryan made with Dan Black and Dada Life.

deadmau5, For Lack of a Better Name (2009) and 4x4=12 (2010)

Oh, Joel. These days he’s earned a controversial status as full-time internet troll alongside his career as a musician, but he’s still had a palpable impact on the industry at large (pop juggernaut Marshmello more or less owes his entire career to the allure of the man in the cute mask, and while Daft Punk did it first, Mello’s own interpretation is particularly and explicitly influenced by the way deadmau5 did it). These two albums dropped when I was twelve/thirteen and still opening my eyes to the wide world of electronica, and I think they’re particularly significant as the point where I went from being a casual fan of it to a devotee, sparking an investment in the Scene® that I still have to this day. The degree of control Joel flexes over his work at its peak was unprecedented for the time and still holds up now – “Strobe,” the album closer on For Lack Of, is particularly notable in how it makes ten minutes feel like no time at all in how it builds and shifts with just a few simple, powerful elements in play at a time. “Ghosts ‘n Stuff” earned Joel and vocalist Rob Swire a crossover hit, and “Raise Your Weapon” stands as an early illustration of what the North American take on dubstep would sound like in the years to come. 

Phantoms, Phantoms (2017)

Kyle Kaplan and Vinnie Pergola’s debut record is a clever mission statement for their work. Their deep house tunes are infused with pop sensibilities, placing them in company with contemporaries like Jamie xx and Disclosure as house DJs making an effort to bridge the gap between the radio airwaves and the dance floor. My favorites include “Just a Feeling” with Verite, a modody track called “Downtown,” and the utterly brilliant “Need You Closer,” a collab with Hayley Kiyoko that easily converted me into the Church of Lesbian Jesus. (Their recent work is also worth a nod as well – they’ve been building up singles to drum up interest in a new EP, including one of their best tracks to date, a driving progressive house tune called “Designs for You.”)

Justice, † (2007)

Gaspard Auge and Xavier de Rosnay’s debut record remains their best. There’s so many iconic tracks on this one: The slick vibes of “Genesis” and “Newjack,” the ever crowd-pleasing “D.A.N.C.E.,” the pumping “Phantom” and its sequel, the nu-disco sleaze of “DVNO”, and the ear-splitting delight of “Waters of Nazareth.” The record earned them a positive, if daunting, comparison to fellow French house pioneers Daft Punk, and while their work on it shares an obsession with taking diverse samples and reconfiguring them into their own image, Justice’s fascination with the macabre aesthetic of 70′s horror films and the rock ‘n roll ethos of T. Rex earned them a distinct spot in the pantheon of electronic acts with this record (as well as its followup, the different-but-still-great Audio, Video, Disco).

Feed Me - Feed Me’s Big Adventure (2011) and Calamari Tuesday (2013)

Jon Gooch was one of the earliest musicians to emerge under deadmau5′s mau5trap label, and still shines as one of its leading acts today (High Street Creeps, released earlier this year, has jams for days). While he started his career making drum ‘n bass tracks as Spor, the bulk of his work since 2009 has been under the Feed Me alias, where he’s dabbled in all manner of electronic but mostly hews close to the realm of electro house. Gooch’s experience in making complex tunes meant that Feed Me came out swinging, with tracks like “Grand Theft Ecstasy” and “Muscle Rollers” exhibiting a confidence and technical skill from the outset that most producers would kill for on their first record. By the time his first proper full length released two years later, he’d developed a consistent feel that made collaborations with indie bands (”Love Is All I Got,” with Crystal Fighters) and soulful singers (”Last Requests,” with Jenna G) feel as natural as hard-hitting bangers (”No Grip” and “Death by Robot”). Mix in a little bit of both and you get “Ophelia,” a anthemic ballad made with YADi – my favorite song from the record, and a earworm that still sticks with me six years on. Love, don’t let me drown…

and some honorable mentions!

Lazy Rich’s singles! Richard Billis is a Canadian DJ who retired from producing tunes in 2017, but for the decade or so he was releasing music, the electro house singles he released were nothing short of iconic. Songs like “Blast Off” (with Hirshee and Lizzie Curious) and “Flash” (with Hot Mouth) are energetic, breezy and danceable. There’s nothing quite like a good Lazy Rich drop; his beats hit the dance floor with the weight of a truck, and have a sonic diversity among them that would predict the electronic scene’s shift toward the dynamism of future bass. It makes me sad that we won’t get any more of them, but Billis left behind such an evergreen catalog of singles that it’s hard to be down for very long. (I used to use his remix of Zedd’s “Stars Come Out” as a theme song of sorts on an old website where you could be a DJ with your friends. The fond memories are strong with this one.)

Porter Robinson/Virtual Self – Spitfire (2011) and Virtual Self (2017) – Leave it to Porter Robinson to carve out a completely separate musical persona just to hearken back to his halcyon days as a young producer. My initial introduction to him was just after he’d emerged from the hands-up scene, while he had his eyes set on stardom through what he called “complextro,” and it was surprising to find that his work not only lived up to its genre classification but actively carved out a market for its sound, even before Porter had dropped an album. If the dubstep and house feel of Spitfire was a revelation, the DDR vibes of the Virtual Self EP are a revitalization; similar in ethos, but with an owned, Serial Experiments Lain-styled technological aesthetic. Porter does a lot of work to keep the two projects separate (even going as far as to delineate live shows between the aliases), but rather than fragmenting his work the distinction only ends up strengthening his catalog, in much the same way Jon Gooch’s work as Feed Me complements his earlier collection as Spor.

JOYRYDE’s singles and upcoming album - John Ford Jr. is an English DJ who knows what he likes: fast cars, bumping house beats, mean-muggin’ rap jams, and making tunes that blend all of the above in one way or another. His JOYRYDE project is only a few years old, emerging in 2016, but it’s very much the culmination of years of diggin’ in the crates and building a sound that blends the hip-hop influences of trap with the boogie-bounce sensibility of house. No sooner is this evident than the “parental discretion is advised” warning (and subsequent punchy opening bars) that welcomes you into “HOT DRUM,” though his other tracks (including “MAXIMUM KING” and the Rick Ross-assisted “WINDOWS”) share that kinetic energy. He’s one to watch!

Also worth your time:

Oliver’s Mechanical EP and their album Full Circle

Mord Fustang’s All Eyes On… compilations

Botnek’s singles from 2016 onward

Chris Lake’s releases with his label Black Book Records

Self Help by Walker and Royce

pretty much everything by Ellie Herring and Chrissy (Murderbot)

Fantasmas by Zavala

anything Wolfgang Gartner has made (particularly his early 2010s singles)

That’s all I got for now. If you made it this far, you’re an angel. Thanks for indulging me :)

[awesomecvworldblog]

Stay Safe and prevent Getting Hurt By Establishing Dating Guidelines

Stay Safe and prevent Getting Hurt By Establishing Dating Guidelines

Are you able to define your own personal dating insurance policies and boundaries? When your answer isn’t any or for anyone who is not sure, PROTECT AGAINST right now and take 6 minutes to learn this. Because if you want to keep safe… if you wish to stop getting hurt, I actually guarantee that you will get far more electrical power over that you taking.

This is certainly just some of what their life could look like should you haven’t clearly set your present dating together with relationship plans and limits: You could have fallen for more than one man with which you sensed unsafe, quiet and hidden, or unacknowledged and in hindsight realized that an individual stayed very long. (Often it didn’t stop until many people ended to complete. ) You have a problem with deciding such things as whether to permit a man to choose you approach up, or make out you, and even come at home, or show your bed. You have made bad possibilities that have at an increased risk your actual, emotional, and also spiritual safeguard but not recognized it or maybe reflected upon it until following it’s transpired. You really fall for men quickly along with consistently terrible results. (That includes getting started with bed together. ) You frequently worry about what the man might prefer, think, as well as feel and any person react to the pup based on which will. (Rather than you might want, think, or definitely feel. ) You are pissed off with men in addition to afraid to assist trust these people. Whew! Do any all these sound like everyone?

(An to just one side before The spouse and that i move on to explain to you exactly how to prevent all this self-inflicted pain: there is no stone-throwing in this post, sister. This specific describes generations of the dating lifestyle before My partner and i learned to date Like a Mature. )

Precisely why do clever women exactly like us join up these scenarios? We have a large number of reasons why most of us date guys or efforts in relationships which make us unpleasant, feel like shit about yourself, or even daunt us.

Or perhaps why most of us worry much about what several men thinking as well as if we could hurt the feelings.

Or maybe why we all do things for along with men who have us appearance back utilizing a giant “WTF was My partner and i thinking??? ”

Where we could powerful, evident, and definitive in all different regions of our living, why is it men and women can regress back to our own 18-year-old subsequently damn very easily when it comes to men?

After internet dating for three decades and helping women over-40 find appreciate since 2006, I know the ‘ whys’ of this. You probably know too. Really about being “good dude. ” And it is a lot regarding self-worth in addition to self-awareness… and lack thereof.

That is certainly some uncertain stuff that began early on in the lives but not something I’m going guide you through understanding in one article. (Here is enabling you to learn how I am going to help you understand yourself, your present actions plus your reactions. )

What I can do the following is show you the best way, by figuring out dating guidelines and constraints, you place one self can

Principles and edges keep persons safe in each and every area of your daily life AND in appreciate. Follow pace limits. Handle your emotions in public areas areas and at do the job. Keep your front door locked. Take care of others if you would want to come to be treated. These are typically definitely examples of life’s rules along with boundaries that supply you useful guidance in assisting you remain safe actual physical, emotionally, as well as spiritually.

Each one of these limits tend to be equally important to maintain you safeguarded and stop you from getting hurt while online dating and on your journey to adore.

There are two styles of borders. The ones you determine for yourself and others you expect other individuals to follow. For example Since you can certainly just just control YOU REALLY, this exercises are about your limitations for yourself.

https://russiandatingreviews.com/russian-brides

Setting, communicating, as well as maintaining your own personal dating boundaries is key for you to healthy opportunities, attracting the very best men, keeping safe, and enjoying a typical positive knowledge.

These are your very own dating along with relationship concepts. Promise you to ultimately follow these individuals regardless of who all the man will probably be and how eager you are.

Duplication this NOW, along with updating as you continue to include new practical experience and learn far more yourself, help keep you SAFEGUARDED: Sentimentally. Physically. Spiritually.

To get you started, for example:

I will find my moment getting to know a person. I will certainly not allow him to dash me in to a relationship, sprinkle off to me within being sex or other activities. My goal is to not be worried of arguments or appear threatened with all the idea that the person won’t like me merely don’t execute what they says or even I keep away from agree with him or her. Let me date fellas who are typically my “type” and keep my very own thoughts open. Inside challenging situations I will listen up to my life blood and mind; paying attention to this feelings however, not forgetting to be able to measure in with my very own grownup rasi before making judgements. I’m going no longer be afraid if the romantic relationship does not work out at any stage and I feels free to end it only don’t truly feel I’m having my must-haves. I will debrief every particular date so I even now learn plus every evening out a positive practical experience. Achieve is to show up given that my perfect self with each date. (And if she is not at this time there, use this kind of skills to produce her out there. ) I will nevertheless learn brand-new information along with skills in order to guarantee I give him a fantastic me, establish good choices along with know how to create and maintain a terrific relationship. Every day I’m going work on producing opportunities to satisfy new men. I am going to not have any personal relations that includes a man right up until ‘ back again button, y in addition to z’ arises. Not any later as compared to this not make it possible for a man to be aware of where I live until eventually x, ful and z . happens. I will carry on and practice typically the preventative gremlin techniques and do not allow this specific gremlins to overpower me. I will carry on and live enjoy my excellent life that this man-thing a part of this specific. I will be patient and seriously is not get very focused or possibly obsessed.

You’ve asked yourself queries like: Exactly what / points I need to achieve or not do to set in my opinion up to make good choices? What do I trust others to complete in order for by myself to be happy? So how does15419 I act in order to keep my self confidence and self esteem? What will I really not stand up to in by myself or throughout others?

These types of women all of have one part of common: lots of people lack self-awareness. Months and often years passed without paying focus on their own needs. They in no way considered what they bring to the table and exactly they count on from their spouse. They just simply went together with.

They also remember not to considered exactly what their work was to independently and to the boys they meet.

One of this coaching consumers, Tamara, may be a perfect case in point. She is 56, beautiful, successful and attractively kind. She jumped in a short time into a partnership with a guy who harvested her. He was very controlling. It continuing for 2 many years. With my own, personal coaching aid, she inevitably ended this kind of.

Tamara planned to find a good male and are in love, nevertheless her seek out had gone thin air. To be honest, My partner and i wasn’t stunned: though this lady was very smart plus accomplished, the woman had simply no clarity with regards to herself as well as her anticipation when it came to men.

She got no idea the easiest way to date men or select men at all other than the way in which she’d already been doing it. In excess of had tiny idea what this lady was looking for and in addition she truly had hardly any clue the best way to take care of himself along the way.

But she kept looking, finding a same gentleman and staying a very long time.

While Tamara accomplished Step 2 involving my 6-step Find Wish and Find The particular pup system she had several major improvements (as nearly all women do).

This is how I information women reply the problem: “I’m Fabulous So Sophisticated the Much Problem? ” I help you define detailed standing in the journey, what designs need removing and what it is possible to do to pass over your boundaries.

Then put in force9045 what you comprehend and create your own personal ground rules. Besides here’s the highest part: These kind of aren’t the principles for the dog; they are oneself.

It’s about setting by yourself up for online dating sites success by way of creating a simple foundation that makes certain you get to which you Win! Gift basket with sophistication, dignity along with a good man by your side.

Tamara did an awesome job regarding this step relating my application. Here are some associated with her recommendations:

I will get my point in time getting to know a new male. I will most certainly not allow him to rush me in a relationship, dash me inside being romantic or devices. Simply no later than this “be present” on particular date ranges by enjoying what that they says, requesting questions or it could be commenting what is the best I grab, and not be worried to do so. I will be open in terms of myself (within reason) and also my likes and dislikes. I am going to not enable a man as a way to snap at me as well as be judgmental towards by myself without you calling your pet on his habits. Zero later compared to this not withdrawl into typically the shell when he disagrees with what I need to say or even want to do. Simply no later as compared to this no longer match to get coupled. I won’t argue disagreeably while I won’t remain silent generally. I am about to think about whether or not I like him and use that knowledge to decide whether or not I want to locate him all over again. I will obviously not the case focus entirely upon in case he adores me along with turn into insecure regarding the man breaking up any time camping. I want not be afraid of disagreements or experience threatened together with the idea that they won’t much like me easily don’t achieve what he says or perhaps don’t trust him. I will not possible be afraid in case the relationship cannot work out any kind of time stage i actually will feel dispense with to end this if I could feel it has the working for us. Certainly, there you go. Tamara rocked this kind of. These are apparent rules that she has become able to use to guideline her actions, feelings in addition to decisions. You will notice that, ideal?

Doing all the is in your present power to take care of yourself sentimentally, physically, and spiritually will be your responsibility. Which what online dating like a man or woman is all about. (Principle #3 of dating being a grownup is going to be “Take Liability for Your Actions and Remedies. ”

Right this moment it’s your turn. Reduce your online dating life. What dating as well as relationship guidelines can you take up to make your personal romantic lifetime more fun and more successful?

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[drscotcheggmann]

What is a Classic? And Does Classic Always Mean Keeper? Part 1 of 2

The words 'classic' and 'masterpiece' are bandied about quite a lot these days; from films to TV shows to records to novels. There are modern classics, cult classics and just plain old classic classics, seminal and universally acclaimed works that will stand the test of time. So why should video games be any different? Although video gaming is a comparatively new art form when considered alongside the written word and audio/visual entertainment media, you’d be a bit of a fool to ignore the success and influence of today's gaming industry. After all, it's now not uncommon for a top end AAA video game to outdo a Hollywood blockbuster in terms of revenue. As a result of widespread commercial success and appeal, many games are now considered staples in the libraries of both casual and hardcore gamers worldwide. These are games that we will continue to talk about, scrutinise and revisit for years to come. From a personal point of view, if a game is a 'classic', it will occupy a permanent space on my shelf and will never be subject to the routine cull of dust gatherers and 'in the disc tray once' titles which I've so foolishly bought and still buy in the wake of the inevitable pre-release hype train. For me a true 'masterpiece' is a game which grabs me so wholeheartedly that I would panic if I misplaced my copy, even though I would have no real plans to replay it anytime soon. But equally there are games which offer thoroughly excellent experiences from start to finish, which are lauded as classics but which I won't feel the need to keep in my collection from now until the day I die. So, what makes a game a 'classic' - cult, modern or otherwise? And does 'classic' always mean a game is going to be a 'keeper', a permanent feature in a gamer's library? Just to get this out in the open before we kick off: the purpose of this piece is not to determine which games are classics and which are not. Nor am I claiming to be any sort of authority on what makes a game a masterpiece. I may mention a few games by name to illustrate a point but I know that the word classic will mean very different things to very different types of player. It doesn't actually matter whether you are an avant RPG player, a lover of platformers, a fan of racing sims, mad for MMOs or a purveyor of open world chaos and exploration; but there are certain boxes a video game really should tick to be considered in the highest echelons of gaming culture. Often when playing a genuine classic you can actively feel the love and thought that has gone into every aspect of its development. This could be a meticulously mapped and resultantly slick control system, a coherent and thrilling story involving believable characters that do meaningful things in a world that feels lived in and alive. Or it could be clever level design which throws up surprises and variety at every turn, a high degree of challenge which keeps you coming back time after time, even in the face of multiple failures or even a sense of longevity and reward in exchange for the player having chosen to invest hours of their life in a single experience. A classic may possess all of these, working together in harmony to create something very special. Or just some of these. Not all video games need to rely on depth of character and story development to make them successful, for example. The overarching factor is what a developer sets out to accomplish, what their aims are and how well these aims are executed in the final product. Developers don't necessarily set out to make classics. Don't get me wrong, a developer is always aiming to make the very best game possible but it's what happens once a game has hit the shelves that can often determine whether a game gains classic status or not, for good or for bad. I've seen games that are absolutely wonderful from beginning to end, adored by the critics but unfortunately never gain any real traction with the public, shift far fewer copies than they really deserve to and are then often labelled as 'hidden gems' or 'cult favourites' but are sadly left relatively forgotten. Enslaved: Odyssey to the West stands out here, selling a mere 500,000 copies. We've also seen games that have promised lots pre-release but have fallen short when it comes to execution of core gameplay mechanics. The criticism attracted by No Man's Sky is the obvious example. In theory this could be hugely damaging to consumer confidence in a developer being able to deliver and meet expectations on a consistent basis. Thankfully in practice consumers are rarely as damning. More often than not consumers value good games over loyalty to any one developer. Thankfully. One bad release doesn't necessarily mean that it's game over, especially if the next game is a huge hit. But for the smaller developers, can there be a next game following a huge commercial flop? In the case of No Man's Sky, only time will tell for Hello Games. My feeling is that they should be afforded another chance, and to their credit have already set about things in the right way post release thanks to some hefty and very well received game enhancing updates. Despite the feelings of fan entitlement and talk of broken promises that came bubbling to the surface once discs began to spin in consoles, Hello Games did not set out to make a bad game, just as no one sits down with the intention of making a classic. And its also important to note too that for many, this is by no means a bad game at all. Not even close. The aesthetic beauty of its procedurally generated worlds alone is a marvel for some. Before being too quick to criticise, we should stand back and realise that at their core developers are teams of very talented, passionate people who make games they hope to be proud of and that they themselves would enjoy. Long may that continue. But any developer would be lying if they said they do not pay attention to what their target audience wants. It is too simplistic to say that was where Hello Games fell down, to continue with this example. Things change in the development phase and that's the way it is. The creative process is one that is constantly in flux, as it should be to allow the flexibility for new ideas to take shape and others to fall away. But at the same time being sensitive to your market is at the heart of any successful industry. As much as they are in it for the love of games, developers make games to sell copies and consumer behaviour is a huge factor in driving change which in turn keeps giving us fresh waves of new and exciting experiences that are packed with all or some of the features discussed above. For good or for bad, the consumer has perhaps the biggest say in how well received a game is and its perceived classic status or lack thereof. Commercial success is only one indicator though. The Xbox Classics or PlayStation Platinum range of days past sought to place games in the 'classic' category based on sales alone and bring them to the consumer at a fair price. Having once been a teenager living off a quite limited weekly supply of pocket money, this was always welcome. But if we look at sales alone, this does not always guarantee classic status. The Call of Duty franchise releases a new entry in the series almost every year, selling millions of copies in a blink, thanks to an engaging, well scripted single player campaign and fast paced, satisfying multiplayer modes. Hugely successful sales figures are one thing but can each successive entry in the series really be considered a classic? You might say no in the broadest sense of the word 'classic' but to the legions of loyal fans of the series, the COD games may very well be classics, in spite of recent criticism that the series is becoming a bit stale. The power of the fan community is a huge factor when talking about classic status which arguably carries as much if not more gravitas than sales do. You might say that of course if you are a fan of game or series of games, you buy the product, make your contribution and so a game's fan base is very closely linked to sales revenue. And, yes it is. But it's not quite as simple as that. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 4 has sold somewhere approaching 20 million copies worldwide to date. From Software’s Dark Souls released in late 2011 has 'only' sold around 3 million units to date. Admittedly both are very different games but both have very passionate and dedicated fan communities, neither more or less so than the other and who would both argue their point for their game being considered a 'classic', regardless of sales. I'm glad to see that from a consumer point of view, gaming is and has always been an aesthetic experience first and foremost and not one about numbers and popularity. Gamers don't see sales figures flashing before their eyes as they shoot an enemy, slay a monster or screech around a corner and not all are driven by mass appeal. No matter what your gaming background may be, video game enthusiasts value their own experience of a game above all else, with many also proud to occupy a place in and make a contribution to their respective fan communities. And it's thanks to the relatively recent proliferation of the internet that these fan communities have really gained a firm platform upon which to exert a meaningful influence. Gamers are a species not afraid to make their opinion heard and the internet has made that even easier, for good or for bad. And it is heartening to hear that developers do listen to gamer opinion too. The developers of Nioh for example have rolled out no fewer than three demos, the first two serving as test spaces to gauge fan opinion in the now common beta format. But aside from the voicing of opinions, fan engagement with Dark Souls and Modern Warfare 4, both now relatively old games, has not receded. Although players of Modern Warfare 4 in its original release format are now dwindling, YouTube is still awash with Call of Duty multiplayer videos and skilful kills spanning the whole series. A recent reboot of the Modern Warfare is evidence alone of the fan appeal of this particular entry which will also aim to pull newcomers in too no doubt. Six years after release, Dark Souls on the other hand not only still has a very active PvP player community but is also able to boast of wikis that are as deep as the decent to Blighttown and as wide as the Gaping Dragon's toothy appendage. And across both series, content is always being uploaded and updated as new things and ways of doing things are still being uncovered. For fans of these games and many others considered classics within their respective communities, it is this wider experience that exists outwith the bounds of the game's world that is just as valuable and special as the game's world itself. You may think the phrase 'one can't exist without the other' does not apply here, as the game's world will exist regardless of how many people engage with it. But had there not been this deep engagement from fans initially, fixes and improvements may never have been made nor may there have been the appetite for subsequent entries in these series; subsequent entries which often aim to distil, refine and develop the winning formula to serve their fans and gain new ones along the way. So in saying this, it might be fair to assume that not only do classic games breed fans but fans and their feedback breed what developers hope will be further classic games. So the game’s a classic? But does even that make it worthy of becoming a permanent feature in your collection? Part 2 of 2 to come in a few days time….