#and of course I still have an essay to write-

[funkyplantguy]

Heyo! Am here to make you think abt ur scarian superhero au, cuz it sounds really fun!

I assume there's superpowers in the universe, but does scar have any? It seemed like he only used the gadget cub made him. What about Grian?

Also, Grian works to convince people that scar is hotguy through youtube essays, right? Is that all he would upload?

And last of all- cumbo???

HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

first and foremost - i'm going to use you (and this ask) as a bit of a sounding board, if you don't mind! i tend to process best externally, and the more i yap with friends and fellows here on tumblr about this au, the more it's going to expand and grow and solidify. nothing i say here will necessarily be canon, more just...collective brainstorming!

that being said...i don't know that...there actually are going to be superpowers in this universe. this is subject to change but at the moment...i'm rather vibing with the idea of everything being technologically based. maybe some people have certain skills that are enhanced with the use of science and tech, but nobody necessarily has or is born with superpowers/mutations/etc. i think that perhaps scar was someone who was maybe just really athletic - or really talented with a bow - and was "scouted" based on that. ultimately though, i'm not sure! that's one of the main things that i need to work out before actually digging into the writing bit - this au didn't exist until like, two days ago, so i'm still figuring out the general worldbuilding :D however, i do know that grian is not going to start out as a hero or "enhanced individual". he might become one at some point in the narrative, but...that's also up in the air at the moment. smiles.

i think grian started doing video essays as a hobby to practice his editing skills (i think for a brief period, he considered going into video editing as a career, then switched to just plain old editing) but was too invested (stubborn) to give his essays up. i reckon that he started with doing video essays about various media (movies, shows, etc), then stumbled across scar's channel and immediately became borderline hyper-fixed on the (obvious!) similarities between himself and the city's hero, hotguy, and...well...it's all downhill from there!

oh, but of course! live laugh love cumbo. those bitches always gotta haunt the narrative

[percabeth4life]

Re your update news. Plz sleep and hydrate and take care of yourself. Just feel better soon! Your story can wait and health comes first.

I hope you're able to relax and just like sleep.

Ah, doing my best to sleep and hydrate a bit today. Unfortunately this is midterms week and I really wanna avoid having to reschedule all of them like I did last semester, that was a pain.

And I really really wanna post the next chapters :( but I'm only halfway through ch. 2 and ch. 3 deserves so much love and attention to really give it the impact I'm aiming for- ah, it's unfortunate.

But thank you anon <3

[mimjandoodlesstuff]

(Click for better quality)

This project has been something I've wanted to do for a while but only now got around to actually making it.

The real painting's name is The Defense of the Sampo in English (by Akseli Gallen-Kallela, 1896). Yes, the Sampo is golden pizzas in this "AU", because obviously! And the pike jaw kantele is April's video camera.

[bardofavon]

thinking a lot about how fatal flaws are misconstrued as being moral failings when actually hamartia is a moral neutral.

the best kind of fatal flaw, in my opinion, is one that’s both a character’s greatest strength and biggest weakness at the same time. it needs to be their biggest weakness intertwined like vines with what makes them admirable. it’s their very virtues that bring them to ruin!!! it’s something they can be lauded for that spells their death!!

it’s macbeth’s ambition. it’s oedipus’s loyalty to his state and unending thirst for truth and justice. it’s hamlet’s obsessive contemplation and wish to make sure his every decision is the right one. it’s being loyal to the point of blindness or confident to the point of hubris.

in any other story they could succeed because of these traits, but they aren’t in any other story, and in theirs it’s exactly what damns them.

[wikipedie]

grief is like a really ugly couch

I think grief is like a really ugly couch. It never goes away. You can decorate around it; you can slap a doily on top of it; you can push it to the corner of the room—but eventually, you learn to live with it. ― Jodi Picoult, Leaving Time

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: No, Thanos is not Right, and did in fact, do Quite A lot Of Wrong

(Warning: This one is loooooooooong)

Another Essay this week, and I've chosen to go back in time a couple of years. The target year this time is the halcyon days of 2019, back when I still gave a shit about the MCU, when the ongoing energy of the Marvel movies still pushed engagement forward. You didn't have to watch all of the movies, but they were for the most part fairly well made and there were enough references and jokes that relied on them that you kinda wanted to anyway. Granted, they worked their CGI guys pretty hard, there was a certain cynical glibness to the humor, and their politics weren't great, but these problems had not metastasized into the massive fucksy-doos they are today yet. These were good days to like zoom punch action stories, and it was all leading up to something. The confrontation between Earth's Mightiest Heroes and the Objectively Scariest And Evilest Guy. The Mad Titan, Thanos who wants to kill half of the universe for... reasons.

Backstory and Adaptation, Or; You Can't Have a Big Titted Skeleton Nowadays

For the uninitiated, Thanos was a relatively big deal in Marvel Comic history. The Mad Titan, to put it plainly, LOVES Death. Now to be clear, when I say Thanos loves death, I don't mean that in the abstract "oh, motherfucker just loves killing" way. He is romantically attracted to the anthropomorphic representation of Death, who at the time was most often represented as a big-titted skeleton, although more conventionally attractive Goth Girl variants are available depending on who's illustrating.

Now how would a big purple demigod man from Saturn's moon Titan go about wooing a fundamental aspect of the universe like that? There's always dying an reincarnating a lot, but that seems risky even in a universe where the afterlife seemingly has revolving doors. No, Thanos decides that a way better way to get Death-Sempai to notice him is to kill a LOT of people. Now obviously you can't kill the entire universe because 1: that would include yourself which isn't ideal, and 2: if everyone's dead nobody will get born and thus nobody will ever die again, which one has to imagine Death would not be too chuffed about.

So, what grand gesture does the ube-colored kronian lad settle on? Why of course, gathering five artifacts of immense cosmic power, the Infinity Stones, and using their combined magic juice to kill half of the universe's population with a literal snap of his fingers, which he does. Now, thanks to some internal family politics and the appearance of one Adam Warlock this whole thing got undone, but it was a pretty big deal for the duration.

So, Thanos is one of those larger-than-life fuckers that's just hard to structure a modern story around because of the sheer byzantine bombast that surrounds him. To have a true-to-comics version, you have to introduce Mistress Death, as the big-titted skeleton is often called, and the worldbuilding implications of that, the thing that makes Thanos purple also makes him one of the Eternals so you have to introduce all of that business, the sheer cosmic vastness of the Infinity Gems (née Soul Gems) requires a bunch of explaining, and when it all comes down to it his plan is kind of shit.

Like, this isn't a joke. Thanos has one goal and one goal only and that's to clap some skeleton cheeks, and he doesn't even succeed. Notorious self-aware joke-man Deadpool starts developing a relationship to Mistress Death, which is a thing that can happen if characters meet up a lot, and few are as experienced with exploring dying and getting better than ol' Mr. Pool. Of course, Thanos curses Deadpool to never be able to truly die since he can't have this Undying Chucklefuck upstage him, but it only further underlines how entirely Thanos doesn't succeed. He's a bit of an incel, really, cooking up these grand romantic gestures for a person he isn't really in a relationship with.

Now, I don't know for a fact that there is some sort of editorial fiat in the MCU stating that villains have to be critical of one aspect of society but be Too Extreme About it as opposed to our Good Liberal Heroes Who are Just Right About Every Social Issue, but it certainly fits as an explanation for why that keeps happening. My point is, there isn't really a greater point about society being made with Thanos here, my heroic stretch to try to make it fit in the schemas of gender and sexuality politics in society as interpreted by the Profoundly Deranged notwithstanding. So, what do you do? Why, you make this lumpy space potato man an ecofascist, of course.

Ecofascism, Or; When All You Have Is A Hammer Everything is a Nail

Ecofascism is a relatively recent term, but the trend that it is built upon is as old as fascism itself. In essence, I would describe it as using enviromentalist rhetoric and buzzwords to further an agenda of authoritarian discriminatory and genocidal politics. You see this idea pop up a lot. There's too many people on earth, and just everyone can reproduce which is bad. We eat and we eat until everything is ruined. Humanity is the virus. We need a new plague, etc etc.

What's so insidious about these lines of thinking is that it exploits the hopelessness of attempting to fight for the climate and further habitability of this particular biosphere and boils it down to a very, very simple thought. There are people who are undesirable and if we could just remove them (somehow) then we would save our people the planet.

You see this most clearly here in the west when we discuss the weight of the various climate sins of various countries. China keeps popping up a lot, as the Chinese economy grows towards the point where it can supply its middle class with similar levels of excess that the middle class in the west can enjoy. Now, yes, that leads to growing un-sustainability as the excesses of conspicuous consumption are... well documented to say the least. Where the ecofascist plies his insidious trade is in framing this data in the terms of "there needs to stop being so many Chinese people because they are as bad for the environment as Western People and there's More Of Them," and not, say "the way the middle class in the west consumes is hella unsustainable and we should fucking stop it before this standard kills us all." I.E "The current System is fine as long as it only benefits the Right People" and not "The Current System is Bad And Unfair and balanced on a razor's edge over the abyss and Maybe We Should Change That Somewhat."

For further reading on the topic, I think Philosophy Tube's "Climate Grief" video covers things rather well (I should also warn that this video is from PT pre-coming out/ public transition, just in case you're unfamiliar with her earlier work.)

For a good and very relevant example of how ecofascism might be expressed in practice, look no further than the Malthusian Problem and it's originator Thomas Robert Malthus. Malthus had the idea that while humanity's ability to produce food scales linearly with population, population growth is exponential. This implies that at some point it is inevitable that population growth outstrips humanity's ability to feed its teeming masses, which, if prolonged by, you know, giving a shit whether poor people die of starvation, could lead to even greater disasters up to and including total collapse of society. Intense stuff, but also not really backed by data. Part of that, of course, is that we've learned some REALLY neat tricks in agriculture in the years since Malthus famous wrongness ended with his death in 1834, but even without that, the self-interested callousness of this analysis should be self-evident.

To bring this back to Marvel Land, Thanos in the MCU is motivated by the same kind of merciless quote-unqoute altruism that lay behind Malthus ideas. There's just too dang many people, according to Thanos, there's only so many Resources (nonspecific resources) available in a finite universe. It is an act of mercy, according to this grape Koolaid motherfucker, to kill half of all people, and things will be fixed (somehow, more on that later.) All it takes, no, all it requires is a big enough, bad enough, sad enough dad.

The Rad Bad Sad Dad, or; The New Masculinity in pop culture

There's been a shift in what being a man means in pop culture this last decade. You can most easily detect it in video games, in part, I would argue, because demographic trends have lined up in such a way to shift perspectives that inform the writing, and in part because video game writing being younger and less refined, thus the most open leaving its tropes in the open. Keep in mind, this is not a diss, just an observation, the genre of text for video games is younger than its closest comparisons by quite a lot, it stands to reason there's less generational knowledge and nuance to it as a result.

You can tell this shift, I would argue, because the standard male protagonist has stopped being a white brown haired man in his late 20s who navigates worlds of wild and untamed violence with smug detachment and every-man-like charm, the kind of character one might expect a 20-or 30-something who is single and ready to mingle to write, if I may be uncharacteristically judgy for a bit.

When we now imagine a stock-standard video game protagonist, though, things have changed. Not so much demographically, no, these characters are still written by the same 20- and 30-somethings, they're just pushing 40/50 and have a family now. So, instead, we get what I call the Rad Bad Sad Dad. You know this guy. He's good at violence, REALLY good at it, the Rad and the Bad, but he's disillusioned by a cold and uncaring world, that's the Sad part, and he is the father, or father-figure of some variant of Innocent, and he is willing to burn the world to the ground for their sake if it comes to that, that's the Dad part.

Now this isn't me criticizing this trend either for the record, just pointing out that the change reflects a perspective change in the average creator. It has led to some very good stories. The Last Of Us, for whatever other flaws that game had, squeezes a LOT of pathos out of a cynical, dangerous man growing to love a young girl like she was his daughter. Unfortunately, I would argue, it has also led to Earth's Mightiest Heroes staring slack-jawed at a genocidal madman rather than rebuking him with any of the MANY readily apparent counterarguments to his bullshit.

A truncated list of the ways in which Thanos 1: Is Wrong and 2: Does Wrong

Here, I would argue, we come to what is wrong with Thanos in the MCU. It isn't bad to have a villain with genocidal goals per se, punching nazis is as important today as it was in the 40s after all, but having a villain you're supposed to empathize with in his quest to preform a genocide is generally considered a bad move. A move so bad, in fact, that one of the funniest comedies in the world, is about exactly this.

And yet, the MCU can seemingly not help itself but make an unironic Springtime for Thanos. "Isn't he sad," says Infinity War, "this lumbering purple space dad, willing to do what nobody else can do, what needs to be done?" "Look! He cries because he had to kill his own daughter on Planet Fridge to get the requisite number of Magical Space Tic-Tacs with which he plans to kill half of all life in the universe." Oh, except she's his adopted daughter because he killed half her planet's population and enjoyed her 'tude. Also, she's the last survivor of her people now (feel free to fact check me on this, Guardians Of The Galaxy 1 refers to Gamora as the last survivor of her species in the lineup), turns out killing 50% of the population had the side effect of... killing the other half also over time. Great, huh?

Now this here is what kills me about these fucking movies. There are several Doylist reasons why Thanos and his so sad and serious genocide quest is unconscionable, but even from a Watsonian perspective his shit does not make sense. But OK, maybe the Gamora thing is a plot hole. James Gunn didn't read the Lore Notes all the way through and ended up introducing a near-ironclad counterargument to Thanos' bullshit by accident. These things happen, and the most readily available fix is to pretend they never happened and/or the character who said it was Just Wrong. It doesn't end there, though, not by a long shot.

Let's talk numbers for a second. If you, today, were to halve the population of the earth. Do you know how many years that would set back the population growth, provided, of course, that the trauma of such an event didn't kill off or cripple humanity outright of course? It'd bring us back to the population level of the mid-70's! After a genocide that'd outshine even the most horrid acts of violence against humanity in sheer scope, you'd have pushed earth's theoretical kill screen back about a man's age. Good job, you Malthusian fuck. Round of applause for the Difficult Man that makes the Hard Choices, everybody clap for the edgy clown.

There is, of course, also the ethical arguments against killing functionally incalculable masses for an ill-defined goal of a thankful (and somehow sustainable?????) universe, but I'm not going to say much on that, in part because this is one the Infinity War duology mostly covers on it's own. Say what you want about Captain America, he at least knows to on occasion say Good Guy shit.

Now to be clear, my issue here isn't that the primary movers and shakers in Infinity Wars doesn't read Thanos to filth on how shit his plan is. That's fine, the main protagonists of the MCU are Moral People first and Smart People second, but what kills me is that NOBODY, and I mean ABSOLUTELY nobody comes with a single question about the practical or mathematical realities involved here. Like Spider-Man wouldn't be web-slinging around the city bus Thanos threw at him going "You are aware that earth's population has more than doubled since the early 70's right?" and making some sort of crack on the math curriculum on Titan, or War Machine or one of the more practically-minded heroes wouldn't at least ask earnestly "wait, why can't you use your functionally infinite power to create ways for life to live sustainably?"

Mais non. Nobody questions a single of the extremely rickety axioms in Thanos' plan. Not once. Not a single time. There's more time dedicated to why the Avengers, now equipped with a time machine, don't just go back to murder baby Thanos in the crib than whether the big bad space man's plan makes any fucking sense.

Breaks in formula, Or; Why Endgame kind of cocks it up

So, what's the big issue. The villain is REALLY bad and his plan doesn't make sense, big woop, right? Well, I would argue that the Thanos problem doesn't arise from how bad and wrong Thanos is, but rather how the heroes of the Marvelverse react to him, or rather should I say, how they don't.

Superhero conflict in the MCU can, I would argue, be understood as dialectic. The hero has a Thesis about the world at the outset, T'chala considers himself a righteous king in a line of righteous kings tasked with upholding the world his forefathers created for him and is then confronted with an antithesis in the form of the play's villain, Killmonger views the previous rulers of Wakanda craven isolationists content with stacking up their utopia while the world burns and people suffer. While the hero and the base kindness that informs their actions win out in the end, their perspective on the conflict is a meld of their own and the villain's, a synthesis if you will, T'chala will reign as king, but he will do what he thinks is right for Wakanda, to take her out of isolation and seek to better the world through their superior technology.

In Infinity War this doesn't really happen, neither for the overarching story with the protagonists, nor for the Thanos-headed sub-story. There's no real meaningful compromise that can be made between "Killing half of the universe is good, actually :)" and "Killing people is wrong :(" after all. This isn't a problem on its own, I'd claim, but the fact that the movie low-key presents itself as an attempt of finding such a middle ground is... disappointingly evocative of modern political discourse, let's just say.

It is jarring, is the thing, to see Steve "Captain America" Rogers be unable to say anything of moral weight against a genocidal space ube. To see Tony "The only expert on Unlimited Free Energy" Stark not even question the axiom that there's no such thing as a sustainable universe without this barbarous culling. They oppose Thanos on account of all the killing, but when it comes to the ideals side of thing they let the man win on walk-over. Part of this probably arises from how Infinity War does the whole "penultimate part is dark as FUCK bit, as Thanos' quest to attain all the Infinity Stones succeed, and not even a Hail Mary attempted murder from Thor manages to save the day. What exacerbates the problem, though, is how much of a mess the follow-up finale Endgame is. Now don't get me wrong, it's a fanservice all you can eat buffet, and in terms of honoring the legacy of the MCU and all of that it does what it's supposed to. As an answer to Infinity War, though, it is a mess. Our heroes never get their footing back in the moral department, as timeline shenanigans see "our" Thanos dead within the first 15 minutes, and a separate, but functionally identical mad titan brought over from a parallel timeline.

Now time travel bullshit in superhero media is about as old as the genre itself, but let's just look at this choice for a moment. The "new" Thanos is from a diverging timeline before he gathered all of the infinity stones. "New Thanos'" big plot is essentially, upon seeing that the universe is indeed not thankful but gearing up to kick his periwinkle ass post-snap, decides that if that's how they want to play he'll just destroy the entire universe this time around and see how they like that. Now, this works as a response to Infinity Wars Thanos only in that it confirms the very "no duh" notion that nobody will be particularly grateful to someone who killed half of their friends pretty much regardless of the quote unqoute facts they cite to justify it. The fact that this new reality isn't a lick more sustainable than the old one? Not commented on. Any meaningful consequences of Thanos' action outside of the particular ways it has touched the lives of our heroes? I guess there are signs here and there, but largely not commented on.

See this is what kills me with the New Thanos and that time travel nonsense. It's a get out of plot consequence free card. The MCU wanted to have its cake and have a larger-than-life villain with conviction, and eat it too, have a villain audiences can in part sympathize with, and even think is cool. This process leads us to such farce as Endgame having Thanos musing "You couldn't live with your failure and where did it bring you? Back to me," like he isn't throwing a fucking omnicidal tantrum at not being worshiped for being willing to kill a truly staggering amount of people make the Hard Choices. And again, absolutely nobody calls him on this. For all the quips in the wold, not even iron man notes that this is the pot calling the kettle black, because Thanos is Beyond Quipping. He is a Serious Man with a Serious Plan (a Serious Plan, incidentally, plotted by a cabal of murderous clowns, but I digress.)

Love Me, I'm a Liberal, Or; The Limits of Superhero Storytelling

I think I have been a mite charitable when it comes to describing the typical MCU plot to be dialectic in nature. The better movies, like Black Panther, Iron Man 3, and Thor Ragnarok fits this description rather well, but a lot of the time the plot follows a more mealy-mouthed liberalism of sorts. The hero represents the status quo, and the villain comes in as a radical who Might Have Some Good Ideas but Goes Too Far, requiring the hero to come in to Save The Day! It is hard to not notice that a lot of MCU antagonists are motivated by real-life problems, but just decides, usually somewhere in act 2, to just become Dumb And So Goddamn Crazy about it to justify the hero fighting them. This way, the hero can fight to uphold the Status Quo without calling their opponent a radical freak, or put any focus on how they are, indeed, upholding the status quo, warts and all.

The thing about the Infinity War duology that's so frustrating to me is that the movie clearly wants to be perceived as a dialectic kind of thing, but so transparently is one of the latter. Just look at how Cap, when discussing the topic of whether it's morally justifiable to destroy the infinity gem that powers their friend Vision states "We don't trade lives," and then goes about starting a massive bloody ground war to attempt to stop Thanos' forces from seizing Vision and the infinity gem, only to fail and they have to kill Vision anyway, except Thanos can time travel now, so he just Ctrl-Zs the entire moral choice and takes what he needs. L for the good guys, there, but more importantly, I think, this is supposed to be support for Thanos' antithesis of "some time killing is Good Actually."

The problem here is that this is a ludicrously uneven playing field. Yes, killing your friend to stop someone else from killing him AND ending the world is one of those trolley problem moments, but they're also functionally useless in this case. Thanos can control time now, so who gives a shit? If he doesn't like the outcome he'll just "Oop" a skootch back in time and never mind that. Even if the amethyst asshole didn't have time travel, what were we supposed to take away from this thing? All violence is the same? A kill is a kill? How is this a moral failure for Team Cap exactly? Like yeah it is wacky that superhero violence somehow is only lethal when someone is Dangerous And On The Edge and possibly even Dumb And So Goddamn Crazy, but you're not going to make that point in the big ol' crossover event are you because that'd make the audience feel weird about enjoying the punchman action. Never mind, I suppose, that Disney and Co here are giving the thinly-veiled fascist the "agree with him or no you have to admire his gumption" treatment like you're a fucking human interest story about the Young Hip White Supermacist in a self-declared news publication ca 2016.

In Closing, or; It's Not Real To Me Any More

So what do I want to achieve with this little essay? Do I want to hashtag cancel hashtag disney? Not so much no. Hell, my own stopping paying attention to the MCU was more recent, and chiefly motivated by the absolute hash that they made out of that Falcon And Winter Soldier show on the villain side if I'm honest. Do I want to change the way we talk about Disney or the MCU? I don't think that's within my power nor something I'm all that fussed about, either.

No, what I wanted most of all is to vent. To let off some steam that's been brewing for literal years, only further added to every time I see one of those stupid fucking "Thanos Did Nothing Wrong" memes that redditors used to love, only turned sourer every time I wondered how many actual, unironic ecofascists use these memes to make their ideas palpable, how I'd even tell the difference, and whether it made any difference who was ironic and who was not.

As anyone who's done a bit of writing might be able to tell you, there's no concept so good it can't be read into something terrible with a bad faith reading. This, I hope you agree with me, is not what happened here. The actual text has these flaws, and if it didn't end up boosting a rather insidious con from the worst political philosophy currently extant, I'd probably let it slide. When you create a story, I do not think there are all that many moral obligations on you in the act itself, but if you can not at the very least be honest and (inasmuch as you can) tell no overt lies.

Lack of resources is not what causes suffering on this planet today, nor is it likely to do so in the foreseeable future. That they do is a lie that the story of MCU Thanos tells.

Capitalism, neo-colonialism, conspicious consumption, these things cause poverty, strife and suffering. These things causes ludicrous food waste in a world where people still starve. These things causes cheaply produced medicine sold at exorbitant prices. These things cause empty housing being passed from investor to investor in some hellish shell-game while people live on the streets. These things cause famines. These things cut rainforests at an unsustainable rate. These things bleach the coral. These things cause hilariously insufficient deep water subs. These things causes stupid fucking superhero movie sequels.

The truth? We are capable of feeding the world, more than capable. There is enough room on this earth to house its every inhabitant with room to spare. Ok, maybe not everyone can have a new iPad every year on account of rare earth minerals being, well, rare-ish, so that's one of those things we may have to be a bit cost-benefit about. My point is this: Thanos isn't out here saying everyone can't have an iPad or a new phone every year, the kind of restrictions resource scarcity could conceivably bring. He keeps harping on the shit ideas of a long-dead British upper class twit like they could be used to justify his mega-genocide, so in that regard I suppose he's fulfilling a proud fascist tradition. I just wish that the superheroes we're meant to admire didn't stand by and let him, is all.

[pricemarshfield]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

thank you for the ask, neutral!! time to show my deeply multifandom roots and not have any of these share the same fandom 🫡 below the cut because i’m chatty as hell

number one on the list is a recent one but absolutely my all-time favorite thing i’ve ever written: talk, a bg3/raphtav-and-also-haarlep-is-there smut oneshot

i don’t use this tweet here because it’s smut, but because no fic has EVER gripped me by the brain and haunted me for months until i wrote it like this one did and also because the devil’s hot. i laid awake at night in a cold sweat thinking about this even before i’d finished house of hope for the first time. i’m not even being hyperbolic here, this fic GOT me. also this fic converted me from haarlep-neutral to haarlep’s personal cheerleader. they’re so fun

my beloved darling tav already had a very strong characterization to me but i still feel like i Learned her through writing this, and certainly learned a lot about her dynamics with raphael and haarlep. enough that i’m braving actually writing a longfic for them, and feel free to hold me to this because otherwise it’ll languish in my drafts for another six months. but i’m actually formatting the first chapter for ao3, it’s Genuinely almost done !! promise

fun story about this is i cheerfully told my mom i’d finished writing something after i posted this and she asked to read it. i was like haha. well i’ll do that after work! and then i didn’t ♥️

-

number two on the list is what i’d have confidently said was the best thing i’ve ever writtennbefore talk, and that’s one of my dimension 20 big bang 2021 fics: plant a garden in the yard, then, a fantasy high/aelwyn & ayda friendship fic where they explore the deeply haunted tunnels beneath aelwyn’s deeply haunted house

it’s hard to overstate how personal this fic ended up being to me, enough that i hold it as close to my heart as my other d21bb fic which i wrote about grief while Actively grieving. both fics for that event ended up being a good deal more melancholic and introspective than i thought they would at the start, but this one Feels more intimate (for lack of a better word)

aelwyn & ayda are both characters that mean a lot to me on their own, and figuring out their friendship—prickly and uncomfortable as it starts—was honestly healing. there’s something really cathartic about writing a character who’s gone through such extraordinary circumstances in their canon finding a path Towards genuine connection and happiness, even if they don’t find it and Especially if things still aren’t perfect.

also the only time i’ve ever actually hit ao3’s comment length limit was on a reply to an absolutely lovely comment my friend shark left on it so :) the response to this fic was also really nice!

-

number three on the list is my queen b magnum opus even though i have one that’s like 8 times longer than it: teeth, the book 1 mc/poppy romance i craved/theoretically a smut oneshot that became something more.

this is a remix of another fic i wrote, so it feels weird to prop it up higher than the original, but i’m just so fond of this one. queen b is a very silly game and poppy min-sinclair can be a VERY silly character but my bea for this fic is another oc i grew deeply attached to, and i think the sheer self-indulgence of the fic shines through, in a good way.

also, i think the characterization in this is strong enough that i’ve been able to recommend it to friends with better taste who haven’t played queen b, and they’ve still enjoyed it! which is just IMMENSELY validating as a writer :’)

-

number four and five on the list are my niche oneshots which i wrote for a target audience of me, myself, and i, and i think that’s part of why they work as well as they do!

four is a session with dr. martin whitly, a prodigal son fic which focused on ainsley & martin, namely ainsley relying really heavily on her father, despite the fact he’s a serial killer that she Knows he’s manipulative and terrible.

the fact that i wrote this before the season 1 finale is astounding to me. i have never called characterization beats harder than this, and i feel comfortable saying that even though the actual plot points are quite different, and also even though ainsley isn’t canonically gay. that’s okay because i know and perceive the truth <3

prodigal son’s cancellation is something i’m hard-pressed to say i’m Upset about this far out, but i wish every day that the episode where some ainsley issues got addressed had lived to see the light of day.

this fic i Cannot recommend to people who haven’t watched prodigal son because it’s me extrapolating and picking at lines of dialogue that Suggest a lot without confirming much, but that’s also really fun, in its own way. some of the best fics i’ve ever read are enjoyable specifically as transformative media.

-

five is walk with the devil, a the martian/ares3some noir au which was honestly 90% a style experiment but like i fucking nailed it?? there was a stretch of a couple years where some of my best work were from smashing together whatever pairing i wanted to write with a bunch of prompts and seeing what i could make from it (werewolf au caitvi was also one, and a runner-up on this list)

this fic has a lot of hallmarks that i know people aren’t usually a fan of, but i love it. non-linear narrative. major character death but also maybe not, you won’t get closure and neither will the characters. actively avoiding concrete details in favor of a strong, hopeless tone. bringing in a ton of the cast for no reason. LOTS of 1940s slang. and because of that it’s my baby. weirdly i feel like my johanssen characterization is better in this than in either of my two canonverse fics?

i don’t know that i’d write fic for the martian like this again—a lot of what i like about it is really different from the more transformative fandom approach for the things that compel me to write—but i’m glad i did, because this fic is my darling. more people should be experimental in their fics because some of the weirdest stuff will almost always be some of the best !!!

anyway answering this made me so very hyped to write more once i’m off work !!!

[sinist4r]

posting on main bc fuck it

i have 15 days left to finish the first draft of my thesis and i have written 0 pages out of the 50 page minimum.

i will have to write 4 pages per day for the next 15 days to finish before my EOM deadline.

i have all my references. my data has been analyzed. i have a basic outline with my ideas structured. yet, here i am. paralyzed.

will i finish (let alone pass) my master’s thesis? stay tuned.

[blackjackkent]

Me> [struggling to unravel a very annoying UI bug]

My brain, entirely unprompted> H E Y. IF JAHEIRA HAD USED SOME MORE MINOR VERSION OF THAT RITE OF THE TIMELESS BODY ON RASAAD TO EXTEND HIS LIFESPAN, IT WOULD RESOLVE THE MORE FINICKY TIMELINE ISSUES ABOUT RION BEING THEIR KID.

Me> ...ok? I didn't ask right now but thank you for working that out I guess.

[nebulouscoffee]

That scene between Tuvok and B'Elanna from 'Resistance' wrecks me actually... It's such a great moment for both characters (and actors, Tim Russ is SO underrated ugh) which highlights the differences between the two of them so well- yet, ultimately shows that under certain circumstances (in this case, torture) the distinctions between people... don't really matter. In an episode full of political violence, this moment is so significant, and I don't even really think I have the smarts to articulate why but I'll try lol.

TORRES: We told you already. We don't know anything about the Resistance.  AUGRIS: I've heard that many times, from many people. Take him.  (The forcefield is lowered, and Torres grabs the guard that steps through.)  TUVOK: Lieutenant, stop! That will not help either of us.  AUGRIS: He's right.

Everything about the way this scene (and the final shot where she's shoved back into her seat) is framed makes B'Elanna appear small, helpless- and embarrassed at her own helplessness- in that cell. We see her fidgeting, unable to sit down, constantly trying to break out or improvise her way out of the situation (she gets electrocuted earlier while trying to tamper with the circuitry)- it makes me wonder whether Tuvok was chosen to be tortured not because they believed he was more likely to have information, but because B'Elanna was more likely to be demoralised watching helplessly as he's dragged off. Augris's line implies that he's "broken" a great many people in the past; a tactic to instil fear and a helpless sense of inevitability in them both (torture doesn't work as a reliable way of extracting information; this is stated in dialogue in other Trek episodes such as 'Chain of Command' so the assertion here is at least not that- but what it does do is demoralise the public involved in resistances like this one.)

Later, B'Elanna is still trying to escape (do the guards know she's doing this? Are they just not intervening?) and she hears him screaming. Tuvok is someone who considers letting others witness him lose control over his exterior a huge (indecent, violating, humiliating) vulnerability, and the fact that he's the one being tortured is Not Insignificant in this context but like- it could've been the other way round. And B'Elanna knows that. It could've been her, and perhaps a small, scared part of her is relieved that it wasn't her, which is an awful way to feel (and if there's one thing B'Elanna hates, it's feeling like a coward). Also- the sheer violation of this, for B'Elanna to have witnessed him in this state, against her will- to later see him bloodied and weakened and flung in a cell, to have heard him screaming in pain- without his consent, knowing she can never un-witness it, knowing it wasn't her fault but still being put in such a situation where she has now played that role... Does this experience forcibly rewrite their respective conceptualisations of each other? Was Tuvok even thinking of her- somewhere outside, listening, worrying, blaming herself, fearing for herself, feeling ashamed, feeling so aware of him and her and the shared humiliation of this- when he was in there? Did seeing her upon coming back out change things? Could it ever change things? Did her presence, even as an outsider, whose memories of this event will always be (visually, at least) the constructs of her imagination- somehow make what happened in there real? Does her role as witness- and her memory thereby carrying some sort of legitimisation of what happened to him now, however warped and coloured by her own perspective and fears and embarrassment- make things better for Tuvok? Does it make things worse? Would he rather have endured this in secret? Would it have been better if she were a total stranger? Would it have been worse? And does any of this even matter when, for a moment, your life (your personhood, your goals, your presence) was completely reduced to what you "must endure"?

AUGRIS: We don't have to ask your friend any more questions, if you give us the answers.  TORRES: I told you I don't.  (Torres stops herself from hitting Augris, who leaves.)  TORRES: I'm sorry. I guess I always assumed that Vulcans didn't feel pain like the rest of us. That you were able to block it out somehow. Until I heard. Was that you I heard?

And the way B'Elanna's voice breaks when she asks this, as if she was still somehow hoping the answer would be no... There are complexities to this which again I don't feel like I'm smart enough to articulate, but like- yes, B'Elanna would like to hear that it wasn't him because that would mean her friend wasn't tortured "that badly", he wasn't put through "enough pain" to scream that way, and it's easier and more comfortable to think of violence (and violation) as something you can rank on a scale, and the lower on it Tuvok's experience ranks, the better! the more easy it will be for them to "move past" this! - but also, there's this element of "I want the answer to be no because that would mean I would not have been a participant in your humiliation, just some stranger's whose voice I don't have a face to put to, which is much better than having to know what you (my friend, my colleague, my respected senior officer, someone I will have to see every day on the bridge, someone I know prefers to keep vulnerabilities hidden even deeper than anyone else I know) sound like when you scream. But also... it doesn't really matter, does it...? Whatever he says, there always was still a moment- however brief- where B'Elanna heard a man screaming in agony, and thought it could've been Tuvok. And in that moment, that possibility was created. Now, it will always exist. That moment will always have happened. It will always have done something to her. It will always exist between them; an ugly, uncomfortable bond.

And this is getting into even more things I'm not smart enough to articulate, but like- it's pretty significant to me that B'Elanna is one of the few characters who never actually tries to poke Tuvok into Doing An Emotion, even normally. She doesn't consider trying to get him to crack an entertaining pastime, unlike others (and I'm sure her experiences of feeling like an outsider- always- feeling Very Visible As Klingon, play a role in this- "all they ever saw was my forehead" does not lend itself so kindly to "let's see if we can get Mr. Vulcan to smile", "why, Tuvok, it seems you've been corrupted by Human (read: default) rituals after all!"- it's a light-hearted joke for many, sure, but what if Tuvok genuinely considers the idea of smiling in the presence of others reflective of a humiliating loss of control and deeply debasing?) I think it's pretty clear from canon that he's just being himself; he's not trying to be a killjoy or trying to be mean, he's just Vulcan. And this is one of the few moments in Trek I can think of when a Vulcan's perceived "control" over their emotions is not connected with their reluctance to laugh or cry or say something sentimental, but... this. B'Elanna is shocked, she's horrified, she demands an explanation as to how he can possibly go through something like this and not feel the desire to "fight back" in a way she understands- and the way she cannot grant him the pretence of not having witnessed, here, the way she can't just shove this in a box, pretend she never heard, because she's just so fundamentally honest- and Tuvok (who is also so fundamentally honest), in a painful moment of openness, tells her exactly what his reasoning is. He lets her see. He lets her hear; on his own terms. He wants for her to understand (for her to witness?) his (very Vulcan) distinction between resistance and endurance; his understanding of endurance as its own form of resistance. Idk it's such a quietly powerful and like- devastating- moment for me... So many people try, over and over, thoughout the show, to get Tuvok to break his Vulcansona- try to make him smile, make him say tender things, make him get irritated- just to see if they can do it. Just to see if he'll ever crack. I bet B'Elanna wishes she never had.

[tentotea]

thinking about how jackie taylor’s biggest flaw is that she‘a a teenage girl

[itsaboutthepotential]

a part of me wishes i never read the caraval series because then i wouldn't have fallen so damn hard for tellajacks/jackstella + tella i actually read the ouabh series first and enjoyed evajacks for the most part, and i was hesitant on reading caraval because 1) the fanbase seems to highly prefer ouabh over caraval, and 2) i didn't want to have to read about the relationship between jacks & tella, but then i did... and now i can't seem to enjoy ouabh/evajacks as much anymore because, gosh, caraval, tellajacks, and tella just did it for me. and now i'm just thinking of making a tellajacks blog AND have it be a place for other non-canon ships - be it rarepairs or crack ships!

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

conflict of sticking with my environmental planning degree plan and a potentially more stable/well paying job vs wanting to go for an arts degree in literature analysis and writing and history and culture because i love it so so much but know it wont be considered ‘useful’. FIGHT

[shmothman]

I saw that screenshot of Friede's head being in the clouds and that clicked for me. When I watched the episodes, it felt like a running gag that he apparently forgot to tell stuff to Liko, and his crew gives this 'really? again?' reaction, which gives me the impression that this has happened multiple times.

He seemed distracted, forgetful but having his head in the clouds is a better way to explain it thematic wise. He gives me Ash vibes in that sense; whenever Ash gets super into something, that's all he'll think about and he'll just do it. He also has that Ash recklessness, which his crew also appeared to be used to. Yet he's got a protective streak, stepping in to fight Amethio multiple times. It's refreshing to see an adult character stepping in to fight battles for the teenage protagonist instead of the protagonist fighting the battles themselves. Makes it feel like he's at heart a dependable person to rely on.

Apologies for rambling like this but I love thinking about his potential character from his screentime thus far! I just want to see more interactions between him and the people around him.

NO NO DONT APOLOGIZE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT!!

Like yes, from a doylist perspective his forgetting to tell people things is a funny running joke—but it implies interesting things about his character! It clearly isn’t that he doesn’t care enough to tell people things—he clearly cares about liko (beyond just that he’s getting paid to be her bodyguard) and the rest of his crew, too; like Liko said, the crew put her emotions and Sprigatito’s safety above just getting her home with the pendant—and I don’t even think it’s that he’s a particularly forgetful person with most things. He couldn’t be both a professor and a ship captain (or… first mate? considering pikachu is the captain? 🤣) if he was truly just… very forgetful. There’s a lot of things to pay attention to on a ship. I think that the joke of him not telling people things has to stem from his mind just sort of… being elsewhere. He’s thinking about other things. (Cough, adhd. He’s just like me fr fr) Not that he’s completely distracted and ungrounded; he doesn’t usually act like that, and he’s demonstrably practical (holding Liko back from charging in to face Amethio and coming up with a plan for the two of them, being honest about the fact that yeah, they can’t go adventuring without money) most of the time. But the bit that gets me is his speech about the Volteccer’s goals: to solve the mysteries of pokemon, to solve the mysteries of the world. It’s lofty. He’s clearly a dreamer. I feel like the sort of person who can casually say “oh, me and my team? Yeah we’re trying to solve all the mysteries of the world!” necessarily has their head in the clouds—and quite literally for the crew of an airship.

Then of course, there’s the fact that he was introduced by the pokemon company as professor friede, though the only indication we have of anything like that so far in the show is the pokemon seminar bits—he doesn’t introduce himself as a professor, and no one on the ship refers to him that way. We’ve seen very little so far, of course, but we haven’t seen him do lab work the way every other professor in the series does. He’s not tied down to a place of research, and his goals are much broader than most of the professors we’ve met in the past 25 years. He doesn’t say he’s researching the mysteries of pokemon, he says he wants to solve them. All this to say, to be a professor and the (sort-of) captain of a traveling airship makes me imagine that he was originally a researcher, but became tired of being… well, on the ground. (I’ve said it before, but a researcher myself, 100% I’d leave it all behind to go on a grand airship adventure and solve all the mysteries of the world—so this part is a little bit… projection.) I mean, hopefully we’ll at least get some information about his past, and how the crew came together and everything… but I wanna know nowwwwww 🤣

As for recklessness and traits that he shares with Ash—I honestly (so far, with the limited information we have) wouldn’t call him very reckless. A bit cocky, yes. Dramatic, absolutely. Mouthy, for sure. And I even think he would fancy himself a little bit reckless; but everything even slightly dangerous that he’s done so far has still been… well thought-out. He clearly doesn’t rush in without a plan in place (and I’d bet a couple of backup plans, but that’s speculation again) and he definitely doesn’t do anything to put anyone else in danger. His heroic entrances, his battling style, his dramatic-ass backwards fall off the building and onto Charizard’s back—everything he does seems less like recklessness and more like a concerted effort to bring the attention onto him. I mean, so far, most of his tactical advantages have come from taunting Amethio, not risky maneuvers to beat him. He doesn’t risk himself, his pokemon, or his crew in order to achieve his goals. (Whereas Ash will very much risk himself immediately, ie all the times he’s jumped off of a cliff or building without a plan on how he’s going to land.)

As for dependability—yes, absolutely. His crew obviously trusts and looks up to him (literally; the way he was sitting up above everyone else in the scene where Liko tells them she’s decided to trust them) and he’s demonstrated so far that he’d do a lot to keep them all safe and happy. He’s good at making plans and using his opponents weak points to his advantage (realizing immediately that he can get a rise out of Amethio by taunting him and questioning his skills). He seems to be a good captain, a good trainer, and a good person overall. And hopefully he has some more hidden sides that we’ll get to see later 👀👀

AND I WANT MORE EPISODES SO I CAN KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY 😭

[todayisafridaynight]

What worse take did you see

nay...... i shant say......

[mythology-void]

reaffirming the idea that yes, I can do anything. and everything. perhaps even all at the same time