#and tbh i do some of that stuff already with my mum now that mums in her chair a lor

[doctorwormcore]

so like... i go back to work tomorrow... and then... im full time for at LEAST two months???? wow.... seven hour days...half hour commute each way...but...like...?!?!?!? im in training too...idk man its...its really good so far??? I get to work in aircon, in an area that directly meets art and disability work......i like it so far...in between this, being a cat mum, and now about to get my license fINALLY...everything is a bit overwhelming atm

[heyidkyay]

I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Thirteen

A/n: Hey!! Sorry for the cliffhanger on the last one but I felt it was a little necessary, don't hate me pls x BUT I have to pre-warn you here that during this part there will be a switch in tenses, it's only brief but it might annoy some of you like it did me. I couldn't really do much about it though, I wanted to create some tension, try and show the emotions and thoughts from a certain viewpoint. Hopefully you enjoy it though! Was a bit of a struggle to write tbh😅💗

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Leaves off from the last part so you can only guess where this is headed, but there's some medical stuff here, lots of hurt and upset

Masterlist

--

Have you ever felt as though you were just drifting? 

Like you’re there, you feel everything as it comes. The blow, the plummet, the landing. But then the ground’s suddenly gone, pulled out from beneath you, and you’re just floating. Falling.

I’m floating. Or I feel like I am. I can hear it all, too.

The buzzing hum of disaster. The muffled voices, the slam of doors, their gasps, their pleads, their whispers.

My ears are ringing as well, it's an annoying and persistent sound that feels almost delayed as it pivots back and forth, back and forth. Across the forefront of my mind. I try to focus on it. Dazed. But I’m floating and I can’t… I can’t quite seem to get a grasp of things. I can’t remember what happened.

My hands are wet. Soaked, I think. I can’t see them, I can’t move my head really- I’m drifting still- but they are wet. I know that much. 

When I linger on the thought, everything else feels wet too. Not damp, like clean washing does when it's hung out to dry. But drenched, as though someone’s just gone and pushed me straight into a swimming pool while still fully clothed. 

I want to know what’s happening. Why I’m so wet, so cold.

The last thing I remember is George. His voice. His call.

George. His name stays on a loop in my head. Somehow I always circle back to it.

I have to ask myself then whether or not I'm asleep. Question how much I must've had to drink…

I can’t remember though. I can’t seem to remember anything at all. Just his call.

A wailing pair of sirens tear me from the floating. The lightness I feel. But they’re so far away. And I like the softness I'd been feeling before.

Why are there sirens? I ask- or do I? I can't quite... I don't know how to. I think I've forgotten.

But there are people around me now. I think I can sense them. I want to say something, to reach out and ask if they know why, ask if they’re floating too. But I don’t think I can. I know I really can’t when I actually attempt to. I feel a familiar warmth hollow out my chest. It ebbs the coldness there and I cry. More tears. More water.

Rain. 

I remember the rain. I reckon now that’s why I’m soaked through. Why I’m so upset. But it can’t be because I love the rain. My first proper kiss was in the rain, just outside Danny Stewart’s house during one of his massive house parties. George and I had danced in the rain at Matty’s mum’s wedding. Matty and I had shared a bottle of vodka in the rain out on the front step to our very first flat when we’d gone and locked ourselves out. 

The rain.

It’d been raining the night George left for tour. And then again when he’d left me for good.

It’s raining now. I can feel it. Really feel it this time. It’s sharp though, as it pours down on and around me, and the sloshing sound of boots and shoes and people fill my ears. I want to cry again. I wonder if I already am. But everything’s starting to hurt. I can feel it now, there’s a tingle in my toes and my fingertips that distracts me from it slightly, but it’s blooming. Soon I figure it’ll hit me hard. A tidal wave of hurt and I’m so fucking scared. Because I think I’m remembering now. Remembering the light. The screech of tires. The rain. 

How is it still raining?

It feels as though the water’s filling up my ears, my head. The sirens come again. They’re loud enough to cut through the onslaught of it all, but soon enough I find even they can’t keep the ringing at bay, the rain.

Someone’s there. Towering over me. Words are being thrown about. In a language I can’t quite speak or make out. 

But I’m floating again. Higher this time around. The tingling is hardly even there anymore. It all just hurts. Everything. It just hurts.

It’s bad. And I know it’s bad. Because nothing has ever hurt this much. It makes me wonder whether its humanly possible to even feel this much pain. ‘Cause it hurts. And all I want is for it to go away. To just stop.

My thoughts though, they’re spiralling. Drifting out into the darkness, like me. Floating. Floating…

It’s all starting to fade now. That darkness, somehow it’s getting darker. Growing, or shrinking I suppose. Or maybe it’s just that my eyes feel like they’re closing. 

Hey, maybe it’s even the opposite. Maybe there’s a light. Or there had been. And maybe, maybe now it’s just blurring. Burning. Smouldering around me. Leaving me dizzy in this thick blanket of smoke.

I try. I try to stay awake. I really, really do. But the ringing. And the rain.

There are voices. So close, and so far away.

I’m fighting against it all now. I want to wake up. I want to go home now. Please. I want…

The deafening downpour drenches me, it makes the ache worse, the pain. But not even that can distort his voice. I know he’s there. Somewhere. Somehow. Even in the thick fog. I know it. It soothes me somewhat. Slows down the race I’ve set my mind on. Calms me. He’s here. I know it. 

“I’m here. I’m here.”

Then there’s just nothing.

And that’s the last thing I hear. 

...

There was a distorted beeping sound. I think I’d heard it earlier. But now, now it’s paired with a soft muffle of voices? 

I tried to blink myself awake. I couldn’t feel a thing. Just this heaviness that weighed on me, like a weight perched on the centre of my chest that echoed out across the rest of my body. Paralysing my arms and my legs. My neck, too.

I felt like I’d lost my head. As though I was stuck here with my body, but my head was gone. Missing. Somewhere else altogether.

The murmurs grew louder then, as did the beeping. I wanted to move. I wanted to shift. I felt so uncomfortable here. Itchy and raw. I wanted, I wanted so desperately to just…

“Y/n?”

I heard that. It was clear. Prominent. It helped shift the disorientation that clouded me, the confusion that cobwebbed my mind.

“Y/n, love? Can you hear me?” 

For the life of me, I could not make out who’s voice it was, just that it was familiar. That it felt warm and safe. Sort of like home. 

“Mate quick- one of yous! Grab a nurse, or a doctor or summat! Go on, hurry. Think she’s comin’ to.”

I tried to take a deep breath. But it was hard. My throat felt so dry. Clogged almost. I struggled.

“It’s alright, darling. Don’t try to move.” There was a soft hand on my arm now. I felt that. But I’d already started to panic, anxiety flooding my veins. Flooring my every sense whilst simultaneously heightening them. “Keep the tube in. Okay? Just, just for a little longer, darling. Can you do that for me? Just for a- oh thank, fuck.”

“Y/n?” This voice was different. Firm. One I didn’t recognise at all. The hand on my arm withdrew and I was fighting with my body to cough. To speak. I'd never felt so confused. So terrified. “I need you to calm down, okay? You're currently on a ventilator, it's helping you breathe. I just need you to stay calm.”

My eyes were open. I could feel my skin grow taut with how wide they must've been. Everything was so bright though. Too much. I could only make out figures and shapes and shadows.

“Okay. Sedate her.” The voice ordered. Only they weren’t talking to me. And I was still in full panic mode. Spluttering. Shaking. Trembling. Trying to kick free from their cold hands, their hold. It all felt too familiar. I itched. Burned. I needed them to let go. Please, just let me go!

But then everything was hazy again. I felt loose. I was there and then I wasn’t. Back floating again. Safe. 

___

The next time I woke I could actually breathe. Though it did hurt like nothing else, as though a fucking ten ton truck had been dropped on my head. It was immobilising, and I felt a wave of nausea roll through me as I stirred, it was violent and relentless. 

Immediately I had to turn to the side, and another, more brutal, wave of pain flooded my veins, it rescarred and stretched my skin as I chucked up what little I had inside of me to offer.

A comforting hand suddenly cradled my shoulder then and rubbed the length of my back in soothing little circles, but I was still retching. Exhausting myself with the pain and the sickness I felt. I was too tired to even spare them a glance. A thought.

Hot tears were cascading helplessly down my cheeks, but I didn’t feel as though I was actually crying them. Just that they were falling. Leaking out of me because they had no other place to go.

They blurred my vision, made everything harder to see, to understand.

Once the gaging finally died down and I was just a sweaty, trembling mess, the hand on my back suddenly become two and carefully they sat me back in my bed. Though I noted it wasn’t mine. 

I grimaced at the taste I had in my mouth, the acid that lined my teeth and tongue. I was grateful for the water bottle that was being pressed to my lips, it erased the tang but did little to combat the dryness I still felt. I swallowed thickly, wincing still as I moved my body against the torment. I rubbed helplessly at my left ear.

“It’s alright, love. It’s okay. You’re all good. I pressed that big red button when you woke up so I reckon a nurse will be here soon enough. They’ll have someone clear the mess up, get you some more medicine, yeah? You're okay.”

I kept on blinking, half-listening to the odd ramble I was not quite hearing but mostly just grateful for the fact that the nausea I’d experienced was subsiding slightly. I simply prayed that it wouldn’t come back with a vengeance.

I took the time then to glance about the place. It seemed to resemble a hospital room, sterile, clean, and very white. From the stiff curtains and blank walls to the uncomfortable blankets that cocooned me. I didn't much fancy hospitals. Hadn't since I was a kid and my dad had died. But it didnt seem like I'd be escaping from this one any time soon.

“Y/n? Darling, you still with me?”

Slowly, I tilted my head over towards the voice and was met by the sight of a pale face that held large brown eyes and quirked pink lips, a mop of curly black hair framed it but seemed to shadow its features at the same time. He looked far too worried, too fretful for my taste. It aged him. The sadness it seemed to cling to him, it made him look strange. And I found I hated it.

“Who’re you? Where am I?” I asked him, voice croaky and harsh. Muffled slightly, I tugged on my left ear again. But I was focused on him, on the way his whole face rapidly dropped. I had to crack a smile then. I couldn’t not, and he scowled in retort. My facade was blown.

“You little bitch.” Matty scorned, shaking his head at me whilst he held a hand to his beating chest like he was the one in actual pain. “Don’t fucking do that, you prick! Made my heart stop.”

I wanted to laugh at his antics but it hurt too much to even breathe at this point, so I had to bear a grin and hold the amusement in the back of my throat. Like a balloon that would soon deflate.

A nurse arrived then, he gifted me a tender smile and asked a couple of questions before he informed us that a doctor would soon follow. His presence left Matty to watch on from the sidelines as the man worked, tapping his foot and biting his nails anxiously whilst he waited.

He was a lovely lad, the nurse, a year or two older than me I reckoned, with a northern twang and a head full of curly blond locks. Sort of like Ross’s, only a tad bit shorter and a whole lot shinier. Which almost seemed impossible to me, Ross’s hair was in much better shape than most and I had always sort of deemed it his 'mane'.

It was soft and very regal, alright? I was only sometimes jealous of the ginormous twat.

“Heya lovely, I’m Lee by the way.” He greeted gently, his smile all lovely and sweet. “How’re you feeling?”

I groaned, spluttering slightly, the feeling made worse by the onslaught of tubes.

“Like I’ve slept for twenty years.” I croaked, and even talking seemed to hurt. 

“No shit.” Matty snorted from right behind Lee, though his eyes still held so much of that previous worry I'd seen. I rolled my own. 

“Do you remember much of what happened?” Lee asked me, smiling to himself at Matty and I’s interaction.

I let my mind wander at his question. I could see the headlights. Like a flash from a camera that blinds you for a moment and then paints a lined image behind your eyelids. It all slowly started to flood my mind then.

“Sort of. It was raining. Pouring, I ‘spose.”

Lee was nodding encouragingly at me, his smile had yet to falter.

“I was just wanting to cross the road, figured I’d call myself a cab a little down the way. I hadn’t wanted to look back ‘cause we’d been arguing. I was upset. Just knew that if I did then Geor-”

I cut myself promptly off before I could finish his name. My eyes snapped over towards Matty, who was staring back at me as though he was too scared to look away, hanging on my every word. He stepped forward, albeit cautiously, when he saw the confusion, the sudden fear that must’ve clouded my face.

“Where is he? Where's George? Is he okay? Did something happen to him?”

Matty was there before I could internalise it, arms wrapped around my shoulders as my breaths grew harsher and louder in the quiet room. He hushed me, lips pressed to the crown of my head. His hold was firm from how tense he was, but it almost felt like I was this fragile piece of glass he was holding in his hands. Flimsy and weak. Breakable.

“Matty.” I pleaded with him. I had to know. Tears were brimming now, they burned my eyes. “Matty.” I repeated, hoping he would answer my distressed call.

“He’s fine, love. He’s fine, okay? Don’t worry.”

“Where is he?” I harassed, only proving to strain my throat further. “Matty, where is he then?”

“He’ll be here soon, alright?” Was all that he told me as he pulled away, hands now touching mine. His eyes now holding mine, “Promise. Yeah?”

I let go of the relief I felt through a stilted breath, nodding at him slowly.

Matty’s face appeared to change though in the next second and I could only assume it was due to the hearty grimace I was suddenly staving off.

“Did I hurt you? Christ, please tell me I didn’t hurt you” Matty stressed, voice high and pitchy as his alarmed eyes darted between me and the machine, then back to Lee.

Lee rushed to reassure him as he toggled with the IV beside my bed. “No it’s fine, we're all fine, just the drip. It can take a short while for everything to kick in. She should avoid stress and sudden movement though.”

Matty jerked his head in some sort of nod and then proceeded to talk poor Lee’s ear off whilst I attempted to breathe through the pain and sudden hysteria I’d worked myself into.

It took a good while before I was okay enough for Lee to start back up with his questions again, gently informing me of the fact that I hadn’t been hit by a truck, just a car.

But that didn't really change much. I still felt like utter shit.

He went on to explain that the driver hadn’t seen me step out into the road, it’d been dark, raining, and one of the streetlights outside of George’s hadn’t been on. Matty had gritted his teeth the entire time, but especially when I’d asked after the driver. 

“The man was fine." Lee replied in earnest, "A bit shaken, but he was the one who phoned the ambulance. Helped aid the paramedics on the scene.” 

Matty scoffed under his breath but I ignored him in favour of pressing the topic. “So everyone came out of it fine then? They’re all okay?”

Lee’s sincere smile was drowned out by Matty’s rueful but violent glare.

“No, not everyone!" He argued with a look of pure bewilderment. He gestured towards my helpless figure, at the injuries I had yet to even ask about yet. "You- you're not okay! You’re the only fucking one sat in a hospital bed! Who the fuck cares about him?”

I shot a scowl of my own towards Matty, questioning how he could say such a thing, but it softened when I saw the misery and pure agony behind his front of anguish. I slumped slightly in my position and in a silent motion, beckoned him closer.

As best as I could, I took his hand in mine, and he was quick to accept it, his eyes locking onto every available inch of my face. 

He looked worse than I’d ever seen him before. As scared as he’d been that night before he’d left for rehab. Or their first proper tour. He looked as lost as the day he told me his nana had passed. And as angry as he’d been the time his mum and dad had told him about their divorce. I squeezed his hand as hard as I possibly could, and although it was trying and fleeting, it was enough for some of that tension in him to lessen, for him to realise that I was still here. I was okay.

“I’ll give you two a moment, the doctor will be in shortly. She’ll tell you a bit more.” Lee murmured. I had to strain to hear him, but I nodded in reply and gifted him a tiny tired smile when he drew one of the far chairs to my bedside for Matty to take.

He left a second later.

I peered down at myself, at the gown I’d been gifted during my stay at the hospital. I made a face. “I think I’m wearing shite underwear.”

Matty boggled at me for a moment before an unexpected bout of laughter bubbled out of him.

“Sorry. Come again?”

I levelled him with a serious look. 

“The shittiest pair of knickers I own, Matthew. My ugly underwear! I think I’m wearing them. Now. I’m certain of it. I remember throwing them on this morning as we were rushing about.” 

“Babe.” Matty winced, although I did note that he still seemed to be thoroughly amused by my rantings. “Hate to tell you, but that was a couple days ago. Reckon you ain’t wearing anything down there right now. Though, I could take a peak for you. If you'd like.” 

Playfully, he went to lift at my bed’s blankets and I helplessly swatted the air, but could hardly stir enough movement to blow out a single candle. Matty relented though, rolling his eyes with a mock sigh. 

“Don’t you dare." I told him, "I might be in a hospital bed but I’d still have you by the balls if you dared even try.”

Matty was chuckling away, even as he leant in close to me. Eyes squinted by the warmth of his grin.

His lips were warm when they pressed against my temple. I smiled tiredly in turn, feeling the effect of everything now.

“Glad to know you’ve still got a fire lit under that arse.” He smirked.

“‘Course, who else is going to keep you lot in line?” I tutted to him, “Where are they by the way? The guys. Where’s George?”

Matty smirk vanished and he turned his head away from me.

I frowned.

"Matty?" I prodded, but it was then that his earlier words really hit me. "Hang on- did you say days? How long have I been a-fucking-sleep?"

Part fourteen>

[minimoefoe]

Rewatch Thoughts: The Legend of Ruby Sunday

(and some finale hopes)

Them being like obviously it says TARDIS wtf do you take us for is pretty funny

That ‘except the obvious’ line is defo about Elon Musk, right?

Saw someone say that they shoulda been there specifically about Ruby and then the Susan stuff ended up taking over and I think I agree like maybe it woulda been better if they went there with the intention of finding out about Ruby’s mum but then as they were doing Mel returns to UNIT after being with Susan and the Doctors asks about her and they show her face and the Doctor and Ruby are like now hold on a second. And then the Doctor is like okay clearly you’re already on it with the Susan stuff and I wanna be in on that with you but for now back to my pal Ruby

Kate’s ‘I love Davina’ is so strange 

‘It keeps snowing around her’ it actually hasn’t happened in quite a while??? Idk why they didn’t keep that going for the whole season like maybe not EVERY ep but I swear it happened in the first couple and then hasn’t happened since. Woulda been better if it was spread around the series imo

66 metres being 73 yards... does it mean anything? Is it just a fun lil reference?

Rose being like 'they never give me proper work’ that'll be bc you're 15 

‘Sometimes we can hide ourselves away’ ‘I’m always hiding myself away’ .. TELL ME THAT MEANS SOMETHING RUSSELL. MRS FLOOD WHO ARE YOU

The whole ‘I dont have kids yet’ thing is very strange like what are you on about. Does he just mean timeline-wise like, 'we’re 2024 and I don't have kids in this year' or does he mean 'in my lifetime right now I don't have kids yet' bc that second option doesn't make sense bc he obviously does bc the Doctor has spoke about being a parent before.. I think they’ve done stuff like that before, had moments where it’s like 'ohh well I don't have this thing yet technically bc time travel' but the ways it's been phrased this time feels so strange for no fuckin reason like bro just say yeah I've been a parent what the hell is going on

The Doctor laughing at their shitty time window lmao 'you have LASHED this together' I love Ncuti’s laugh

Idk why but I feel like the reason we're gonna get for why Ruby can make it snow is gonna be kinda shit

Then what is a memory of a time machine.. You will be finding out soon I fear

I like that we were all like lol this bitch walks slow only for this ep to be like um she stopped and had a cry bc she just abandoned her daughter and feels like shit 

Is she pointing at the doctor or is she pointing at the TARDIS/Sutekh? Either way, that’s sus behaviour from Ruby’s mum like. There’s surely no way she can just be some random human woman. She has to be an alien of some kind. The odds of Ruby just being some regular human girl get smaller and smaller by the day I fear. tbh if she does turn out to be a human I might be kinda disappointed

It’s the Beast? Carla what are you waffling about

Rose being considered essential staff omg dpmo

Rose also is still not an actual character I fear like what's the point in her other than existing to be a reason why Donna's brain didn't fry in The Star Beast

The last five minutes or so go so hard and I love the CGI dog and I love the skull faces and the vibes are so cool but low-key if I think about it too much I'm like now why would Sutekh, God of whatever tf, care enough to do all this anagram bullshit. I haven't seen his Classic story but with how he's presented now I'm like there's no way that massive angry af demon dog thing has it in him to spend time cooking up a tech company scheme to get the Doctor like what's the point in all of that. I don't see why he would be interested in it or why he would even need any of it?

I also found the Susan Foreman stuff to be like.. let's be fr. There kinda wasn't a single part of me on first watch that thought Susan was gonna be the Doctor's Susan and I think if he hadn't told Ruby about Susan earlier in the season and therefore Ruby didn't say 'hey that's your granddaughter's name' there the Doctor probably wouldn't have even thought for a second that Susan Triad was gonna be his Susan, let alone low-key got his hopes up that it might be her

Overall a good ep I think but the last five mins hype defo made me rate it higher than it is. Gave it 4 stars this time round

Empire of Death Hopes/Predictions

If we don't find out who Ruby's mum is I'm gonna be annoyed. I have hope that we will tho bc yknow, it's supposed to be the series arc

I don't think Ruby's mum is human. Or maybe her dad isn't human. Something about Ruby isn't human

I don't think we're gonna get Mrs Flood answers which like. kinda makes sense bc she hasn't really done anything this series. I imagine maybe she'll have a bigger role/actually do something next series and we'll get answers then. I feel like she's a Time Lord purely based on the connecting 'hiding myself away' lines

I want that CGI dog to actually move around and do something, I don't wanna just see it perched in one place for the entire episode bc that's boring af

[wizisbored]

in the bj/nimona au, where did Lydia learn latin, did her mom teach her some, or did she learn some in a book she read? Or a combination of those two and school, because I just remembered you mentioned it came from school, and forgot some school did have a class for that.

i think im going to say either she has it as an actual class and chalk it up to her going to private school (i feel like thats a private school thing? idk the only time ive heard of it being an actual class is in a documentary about eaton) or it was extracurricular, which is how i learnt it. if im remembering right my secondary school only offered it to ''''gifted'''' students, and had an outside teacher who came in for like an hour or so after school on mondays to teach it. i liked that guy, he was very soft spoken, little brown mouse with glasses who lives in a library vibes on that man. i actually got the option to take a gcse exam on it and i remember doing it twice but i have no idea if that means i have two seperate qualifications or one was a mock and i just dont remember that or what. i got like an A in it somehow even though i never really learnt the grammar rules properly just translated on vibes and some vocab memorisation alone and since you never really have to translate the other way because its a dead language it was kinda easy to bullshit to a point. but that means im now having to learn it from the ground up again. tbh using it in the crossover is partially just a way to keep myself interested enough to relearn it because its something i keep meaning to do.

ANYWAY this post is supposed to be about bj/nimona au not my secondary school latin experience. the idea that her mum taught her some is pretty interesting actually that is something to consider but im pretty set on the bulk of it coming from school. and her school uses the cambridge latin course 4th edition because how could i deny her such a banger. as i said though its not the exact same latin the kingdom uses (although any 'kingdom latin' i write will probably just be regular latin) and shes not really learnt to speak it or understand it being spoken because it was thought to be dead so its more a case she has a pretty good starting point for nimona to teach her from than her knowing the language from the start. but as well as nimona having the best english out of her ambrosius and ballister, shes also old enough that she was around when classical latin (as i think its called?) was being spoken in the kingdom so nimona is in a very good position to teach her. unfortuately this actually makes latin class at school harder in a way, because shes having to constantly make sure shes using the right dialect. her teacher (very much inspired by mine) is very excited about the existance of kingdom latin and is trying to learn some themself, so mix-ups just lead to conversations about the neuances of the two dialects more often than not.

i have already run into a problem that i could chalk up to the dialect difference, which is interesting. i figured that since nimona uses 'boss' almost like a nickname she probably wouldnt translate it, so i went looking for what it would be in latin. from what i can tell the best translation is 'dominus' (though if im understanding my cases right shed say 'domine'), which would make lydia do a double take if she heard it because its first translation given in the cambridge latin course is 'master'. not sure if i want to use dominus and point out the difference there or just use 'dux' which to my understanding is a slightly weaker translation, but either way neither is perfect. i do want to have vocabulary differences like that but i might just use 'dux' and leave the vocab stuff to something less important and with lighter implications. plus, dux keeps the same sylables as boss which i like. i think i just talked myself into using dux.

[youremyheaven]

omg that's so interesting on Mars having a scarcity mindset- my mum had a Dhanishta stellium, I always thought her scarcity thing was more her Pushya rising but it being Mars related does make a lot of sense. Especially since Pushya is related to being nourishing so despite it being Saturnian I wouldn't think it's overly concerned with scarcity. My dad is Mrigasira Sun and he's to the point that he won't give us dinner and say 'you guys already ate' when we ate like 2 minute noodles or a bag of chips 💀 bro acts like it's a survival game. He always tells us how humans should only eat 1 meal a day and modern people eat too much hashdja

Anyway my mum was constantly panicked about money even when we were doing okay, like I'd ask for a $1 chocolate as a kid and she'd quite literally almost burst into tears. I'm lunar and I try to be careful with money obviously but after that kinda thing growing up I'm more inclined to go, 'oh well, you only live once' and buy stuff that I know will brighten my day. Nothing crazy, but just chocolate and clothes/jewellery/whatever lmaoo. I want to be mindful but I just don't want to feel so trapped by money in that way, besides money comes and goes yk; I was homeless for a bit and it sounds crazy but I miss those days sometimes, because every meal was so precious and it was kinda fun the way I had to actually put thought into my survival, go places to get food, etc. it felt so free.

Now I just uber eats everything lmao and a oop, I hate feeling tooo comfy, I feel like to feel joyful we need to have some kinda incentive to go out and really do something.

Went a little off topic anyway but yeah, love reading these anon convos as always 🤍

oh my god wow

all the Martians ik are hoarders tbh,, and i hateee it,, i hate people who hold onto things like they'll never ever have it again?? like ewww,, their scarcity mindset and tryna milk the most out of every thing/everyone is sooo yuck to me. i get it but i dont like it. i hate how poor they act??? kinda random but their wallets tend to be so cramped and messy??? i think it reflects their restrictive attitude to money/spending

but girlie what are your naks??? you seem to have had a very rags to riches esque journey?? are you Saturnian?? is this a Cinderella story?? im soo curious temme more!! pls!!

[neverevan]

get to know me EVEN better 🫣

I was tagged by @forthewolves thank you lovely mwuah 💛

I'm gonna drop it under the cut cuz its a bit long~

also I just answered some of these in the other post, so pay no mind to the 2 copy+pastes uhhh

three ships: (I'm gonna give three different ones here though, it pays to be a multishipper hehe) chanoey, hilson, spideypool

first ever ship: I wanna say... Hiei x Kurama from YYH?? Or maybe Leon and Yuri from Kaleido Star?? idk I was like 12 it's gotta be one of these 🥲

last song: The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

last movie: still Barbie... you gotta understand that I watch TV shows all the time, but I can't make myself sit down and watch a movie that I haven't seen before, more than once every 3 years

currently reading: I am shamelessly rereading all things bright and beautiful by @forthewolves because of feels™ and because the last time I read it was just before I actually started watching the show 🤭

currently watching: you know it already and it's probably gonna be the same for the next couple of months because I'm hooked 🥲

consuming: can of diet coke ✌️

currently craving: validation and motivation ugh

nicknames: okay so I have sooo many, mainly because I used to use my first name and then my middle name for 14 years each, before I changed my name lol but also because I've been in fandom since I was like 12 so I accumulated a lot of character names that I was associated with at the time, I listen to anything at this point... that being said the ones I'm actually willing to give here are: newbs (which is 10/10 btw) and newbster haha

zodiac: pisces 🐠

fav music: goood so many but uhh indie/alternative stuff mostly, slavic electro folk, drum and bass, electro swing, newschool rockabilly/rock 'n' roll, anything good tbh, not techno though

followers: 1365

following: 273 (I've been going out of my way to follow more blogs that post stuff that I like, but I had a big cleanup there like 3 months ago)

do you get asks: sometimes, mostly about buddie lately which allows me to ramble on about them even more 😭 though I get the occasional rude asks from stupid people, but I just delete those lmao

amount of sleep: 6 hours I think??? Actually maybe less...

what are you wearing: black baggy pants with a waist string and a sinched bottom, a stripey crop jumper (white base, yellow, pink, blue and purple stripes), Looney Tunes socks

dream job: I mean, it used to be making cartoons, that's why I studied animation, but now I'm training to be an actor so wish me luck guys 🫡

languages: english, hungarian and what miniscule amount of german I still have left rattling around in my brain from school

random fact: I changed my name legally last December and I was struggling to pick a middle name for months, and as some of you may know already newbie is a nickname that Dr Cox calls JD in Scrubs and I have been using it for over a decade, so I thought if I was fine with that for so long, then I might as well give a subtle nod to the character irl too and I won't tell you what it is, but that's exactly what I did 😌

aesthetic: depending on the day; skater boy, dark academia librarian or insta mum 🥲

no pressure tagging: @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @excuseme-greentea @yelenasbuddie @icecreampotluck @notnowtobey @hawkinsleather @disasterbuckdiaz and anyone who wants to do it of course! ✨

[izzy-b-hands]

Feeling slightly better than i have been at this moment (hence being on Tumblr for more than a half second before my body goes 'hm, actually, that's too much. put the phone down or i make u throw up 🥰' as it has been all week since this back pain bullshit began

(more blathering abt this stuff and work and just. general life update as of this week below the cut)

But realised that's probably only bc:

-Housemate (who has been an absolute angel thru all of this and has looked after me better than my own mother ever has tbh), got me some Pedialyte style drinks, and I've made it thru nearly all of one today (a miracle bc the nausea has otherwise been constant even when the pain isn't as bad and has made eating more than like. broth and saltines and gummy edibles basically impossible)

-Im stoned, on a increasing rotation of meds (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, mucinex which it turns out has potential off label use for muscle spasms, as Housemate researched and found out, edibles, magnesium, and now ginger pills to help the nausea) all of which im grateful for but combined leave me feeling less in pain but a bit. idk. blah? brain foggy, more than usual? Tbh it's probably the pain making the brain fog, the pills just can't do anything for that and i don't fault them for that, but for a brain fog example, I've been trying to place an order for some local chocolates to ship to my mum for mother's day, and legit it's taken me ALL WEEK just to get the site open, to the shipping menu, and just today actually putting things in the cart, but I haven't managed to check out yet bc just getting the cart together that made me feel like i needed a nap. This post is the longest thing I've typed in days, and I'm struggling rn to keep going..But i started it, so we're finishing it, back spasm at a level 4 of pain be damned

-and im doing basically nothing aside from stretches (gentle yoga ones i already know the forms for, and some pilates gentle type things i remember from when mum joined that fad lol), using one of our wand vibes on my back (never had done before, they actually do work for that too! kinda fun to find out, just wish i hadn't found out like this!!), laying on a heating pad and wedge pillow, and trying to nap (bc the pain is worse at night so I've somehow been sleeping even worse than i usually tend to)while YT videos and/or the 1973 JCS plays on repeat.

I mention all this bc i work this weekend, and i don't want to have to call out for the first shift tonight. but like. if im struggling just to type this post up (nvm that i have my zine checkin to finish and send in as well, if Nads or anyone else from the group reads this pls know i will make sure i have it done by the due date! it's just been taking. longer, with this back pain mess), keeping my brain on track is difficult rn (as evidenced by...this entire post), and my back is starting to twinge up to a 3-4 overall already bc i let the heating pad turn off, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I'm feeling okay enough to be on Tumblr then maybe that's a sign this is finally over, and my back is done making life miserable...

then maybe work isn't a great idea. but it scares me every time i have to call in (and I've tried not to unless i absolutely had to, but they're very particular abt ppl basically never calling out, so i know that even if they acknowledged i sounded as sick as i was, that doesn't mean this wouldn't be reason enough to fire me)

I just don't know what to do. i want to work. i want to make money. i also don't want to have to mute my mic bc my back spasms hard enough to make me vomit tho, and that's unfortunately still a very real possibility (spent entirely too much of this week throwing up from the pain tbh!!! not happy abt it, i do not like being sick like that, for any reason!!) The last reason makes me think calling out is the right thing. but. i have a few hours yet, so im gonna see how it goes, acknowledging that i probably do need to call out, whether i like it or not

(if for nothing else, to maybe be recovered for my first set of doubles on Sunday)

[polaesims]

Get to know you - Sims Style

Thank you @puffkins2000 for the tag! 💕

What’s your favorite Sims death?

Tbh I'm not big on killing my sims (boring, boooo) so I'd say good ol' old age, especially cause bitches be dying at the wildest moments. But if you want me to be more fancy, I love drowning specifically in floor.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Maxis Match all the way!!! I only use alpha or alpha-ish cc when I can't find MM alternative.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

Nah, never and frankly I never had to... like my sims just stay one weight their entire life unless I play with a gym freak.

Do you move objects?

Always. The grid is my enemy, moo is my saviour.

Favorite Mod?

Consort Age Mod, cause I love generational gameplay and seeing my sims slowly go gray is so nostalgic to me, and Zodiac Sings Mod, cause I was tired of twins getting different zodiac signs...

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

For TS2 I got a lot of them at once cause they were hand-me-downs from my mum's friend's daughter. For TS3 it was Late Night, I remember it vividly cause my dad thought the lady in a bikini on the cover was inappropriate.

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

Neither, cause I play in my native language (it's way more memable), but if I had to choose LIVing speaks to me more.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Long story, strap in. So when I was still in highschool, I created a joke save to share with my friends and I made this elderly man whom I named Andrzej and he was a menace. He was a womaniser alchemist, who had like 20 children (5 of which I kept in household, and they were as chaotic as their father) and then became a kung fu master, married a werewolf and finally impersonated a Goth family member and stole their fortune. I love him. Andrzej forever in my heart.

Have you made a simself?

Yep!! I posted her!! She's way prettier though cause girlie's symmetrical. I usually just drop myself and my bf into my world and see what story progression does with me. (as of now I have 3 kids as a kids hater ;-;)

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

The black one I guess... I rarely use the presets cause they're ugly af.

Favorite EA hair?

The one from Island Paradise, the updo with strands framing the face.

Favorite life stage?

Young Adult or teens. I like teens more when I make mischievous bastards.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

I can't build to save my life, but I love to decorate!! I'm mostly for the gameplay though (and making sims).

Are you a CC creator?

Yep! I'm new to this but I hope I'll keep getting better.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

Not yet, I'm still figuring out Tumblr in general, but I have some mutuals, I hope to become friends with 😊!

Do you have any sims merch?

Nah, I never found anything subtle enough, cause I don't do on the nose merch very often (except band tees).

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I used to use an UNGODLY amount of cheats...mostly cause I was a kid, but I would make a pretty sim with loads of CC, then play for a few months with that one sim (mostly being a hoe) and get bored eventually. Nowadays I'm a big generational player and I can play with one family for several years. Just a couple months ago I finally finished playing with a family I started 4 years ago.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

@sim-songs, @twinsimming, @pixelfrogslegs, @aroundthesims, @bioniczombie, @nectar-cellar, @nightospheresims, @rollo-rolls, @faerielandsims.

How long have you had Simblr?

Literally not even a month, but I felt instantly welcomed to this amazing community!!

How do you edit your pictures?

I use Procreate and then PicsArt on my iPad.

What expansion/gamepack is your favorite?

I just play TS3 nowadays so for that I will say Generations for sure!! I also can't live without University and Seasons. They are my big three.

I don’t know who to tag tbh... I feel like most of my mutuals already did that plus I'm new here so I'm kinda shy but let's say that I tag anyone that is interested in doing this and hadn't been tagged. Like you can say I tagged you!!

[moss-the-moon-moss]

Two posts in one day? More likely than you think! Anyways this is the latest entry to my Southpark blog where I talk about all the things that stuck out to me in each episode. This does include some headcanons I've made based on certain things that characters do!

Warnings: mentions of sex

Weight gain 4000: ep 2 season 1

● In this episode Cartman tells the others about how he hates 'rainbows'. when the others were confused he further explained that the rainbows he was talking about are things that crawl up your leg and enter your ass. I think bro was a victim😭

●Chef calls the children crackers, I think he calls other people this too but I just thought this was so funny man; I heart the nicknames chef gives fr.

●Eric's mum leaves her 8 year old home alone?? See i already knew she wasn't a very good mum but like yeah, im finally picking up on the evidence now that i'm properly watching the show.

●Mr Garrison plots murder. No further comment😘

●After hearing Bebe trying to read her script for the play I've come to the conclusion she must be dyslexic (just like me fr).

●"stan i can't do this alone" THIS EPS WHERE THAT QUOTE COMES FROM OMG. I didn't realise this quote happens so early on in the series tbh. Stan and Wendy are actually so cute though bro, i heart them sm.

●chef fr tries to rizz up cathy lee miller. Like mans was full on singing for her like goddamn dude you're really going in for it.

●Eric puts on like heeps on weight in such a short time, i'm actually wondering what was in that weight gain stuff cause holy shit😨

●I mentioned the weight gain earlier but how tf does it get so bad to the point you break the actual ground below you. Mrs Cartman needs to get hers and her kids shit together like holy shit dude.

●Chef actually managed to get into bed with Cathy Lee Miller bro. like full on goes multiple rounds with cathy LMAO

●cannot believe the episode ends with cartman going on tv for being so obese from the weight gain stuff. At Least he got on tv like he wanted I guess??😭

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Chris x pretty are so perfect ( the Drabble was so effing cute ugh!) but now I’m thinking what are their respective red flags ?? Like what are things that they need to work on in their relationship?? We’ve seen from that previous chapter that sometimes it does go down between them..

ohhh, good question, good question. i don't include this much in the stories because most of the time i just want to write the positive stuff lol i'm already too sad irl to deal with it constantly in my silly little stories as well, but i have certainly thought about this before, so i'll leave some thoughts under the cut:

so... Chris is very stubborn. very. he believes his ways are the best ways, you know? although he does try to let go of this and let people do what they want or feel like they need to to, he'll always have that little voice on the back of his head telling him that his opinion on any matter is the right one. see their argument in afraid to lose you, he was tired, scared, and it was near impossible for him to believe anything other than that his opinion on pretty turning was the only one, you know?

besides, he's half animal. he's incomprehensible levels of Intense™. in general, it's hard for him to be normal when it comes to emotions. he feels too much, too quickly, and depending on the situation this can cause both him and his partner distress and start misunderstandings (it's great when the emotions are positive, tho. as we've seen...)

also, he's very career driven, and tends to lose himself in his day to day job, to the point where he doesn't take care of his basic needs (food, sleep, cuddles with his pretty girl, etc). if he's too engrossed in what he's working on, he'll lose all sense of self and his surroundings, which will make pretty mum's left eye twitch in annoyance because he's a grown man that needs to take care of himself.

pretty is intense as well, although to a lesser, more human degree. i don't think their relationship would work if she weren't, tbh. chris' inner voice said it in the narrative of Alpha Dog, he'd been told he was too intense before, which is smth pretty hasn't done because she's just the same. again, this is great when it comes to positive emotions, because they're able to enjoy their love to the fullest, but when negativity seeps in, it can cause arguments and disagreements.

additionally, pretty can be... insecure. we know she's not particularly insecure about her looks, so this is not the source of her insecurities. it's her capabilities that she often worries about, which leads her to overthink things, to isolate herself from her loved ones because she feels like she can't fully provide them the support they need.

contradictorily, she likes to mother people. she's always been the mum friend, probably not only because she cares deeply about her friends and because she's good at it, but also because she likes to feel needed, you know? which is part of the reason why Chris' lack of care for his basic needs when he gets in his heads gets to her so much, because she doesn't want to mother him, but she feels like she'll eventually end up doing it because that's just who she is, and a girlfriend shouldn't really be mothering her boyfriend that's not how that works lol.

one thing that causes arguments sometimes is that Chris doesn't like to burden people with his problems, whereas pretty ALWAYS wants to help people with their problems, so sometimes it's like they're both on the opposite sides of a spectrum where she wants to know what's weighing heavy on his mind to help him, but he doesn't wanna tell her so she doesn't worry about him.

ultimately, they're both mature enough to know these things. not the things in themselves, but also in each other, and they really do try their best to communicate. Chris has gotten better at opening up, just like pretty has learnt to let things go sometimes when he's too closed off, simply reminding him that if he does want to talk about it, she'll be there.

they try to support each other even in their bad days, and if any arguments occur they'll always find a way to work it out.

[hollysoda]

Happy new year hollysoda nation!! It’s officially 2024 here in the uk and it already kinda sucks I would hold onto 2023 a lil bit longer if you could-

I don’t usually do resolutions, but after this year I kinda feel like I need to? It’s not like I didn’t accomplish anything but there’s a lot I need to improve on or simply just do ig

Make new friends/be a better friend to my existing buddies: I had a pretty big fall out with some of my irls this year and although most wounds have healed I’ve lost a connection to one or two. I’m gonna try to see them as much as I can, and also meet new people!! Because why not, I’m an adult, I can do things

Sell my art: whether it be through commissions, adopts or craft things idc I just wanna sell my art AND be more confident with what I can make

Declutter my room and clean it more often: the clutter is getting too much to handle not gonna lie. I have some ideas on how to improve things though so hopefully I can get this one done quickly

Embrace who I am: my autism diagnosis this past month, and the whole journey of getting said diagnosis, has slowly made me more comfortable in my own skin but now I really want to try and embrace the tism. Not in like a showy off way, but in a “yeah I’m autistic what about it?” way. Maybe I’ll go to some groups or something idk

Write more: I did manage to post two fics in 2023 which is good for me but I now have a brand new laptop as of two days ago!! It loads in like two seconds I literally don’t have an excuse to write on my phone anymore. Hoping to write some lu fics and some warrior cats stuff as well!

Be more independent: I rely on my mum too much tbh. I love her to death and she loves me too but I can tell she’s just as mentally exhausted as I am from this year. Passing my driving test will definitely help with this but I just need to do more things myself, like driving myself places, arranging things, adulting like I should be etc

I probably won’t follow any of these but oh well it’s here to look back on in 12 months. Have a good year everyone!

[percervall]

see the lights in the dark

Player: Andy Robertson Words: 747  Warnings: None, fluff Request: Christmas market - I just want him being a goofball tbh <3 Nothing off limits!

For @ofxinnocence, merry Christmas! I hope you like it. He's less of a goofball in this then you maybe hoped, but I hope I did him justice

---

She hadn’t really known what to expect when Andy had suggested going to the Christmas market in Edinburgh during the winter break. The plan was to spend a day in the capital before making the trip to Glasgow to go see Andy’s family to celebrate Christmas a little early. To say she was excited would be an understatement. Growing up, visiting a Christmas market wasn’t something her parents could afford. She took in the sight in front of her while Andy checked into the hotel. The streets had been blocked off for traffic and stalls that were made to look like lodges were scattered over the square. It had just gone past five o’clock and the sun was already setting. She pulled her scarf tighter around herself as a chill ran through her.

“Okay, all set. Ready?” Andy asked, taking her hand in his. She gave him a squeeze and let him pull her along. The crowds weren’t too bad, but it was still busy. She allowed her eyes to wander, taking in all the lights and the displays at each stall as Andy navigated them through the crowd. 

“Oh, you gotta try this, love,” Andy said, pulling her to a stall that sold different locally made cheeses. 

“This one’s my fave,” Andy said, pointing to a tasting platter of different cheddar cheeses. He fed her one of the cubes, taking one for himself as well. She let the cheese melt on her tongue, getting hit by the fruitiness of the added port, humming appreciatively.

“Oh, that is good. Your mum would love that too, we should get her some,” she said. Andy smiled at her and picked up a small wheel of said cheese. 

+

It was getting later and now the sun had fully set, the air had a nip to it. Both their free hands were full of bags with goodies, including a couple of Christmas gifts for friends and her family. 

“I hope everyone will like their gifts,” she wondered out loud as they waited in a queue for some much needed hot chocolate.

“With your eye for detail, I’m sure they will, love,” Andy said, pulling her closer, “how did you even find that mug for Milly?” 

She shrugged. “It was kinda hidden at the back, but I think it’s perfect for him. Knew when I saw it we had to get it for him,” she replied with a smile. Andy smiled back at her, brushing his lips against her temple before placing their order. She gratefully took the to-go cup from the vendor and took a careful sip. 

“Mm, this is good hot chocolate. None of that instant stuff, but real cacao,” she commented as they moved to a bench. Andy chuckled as he sat down next to her. His back was protesting against the fact they had been on their feet for hours moving at a snail’s pace due to the crowd. He listened to her chattering away about all the things she saw, how she was in awe of the elderly woman who had knitted all those jumpers, how she loved that there were so many small businesses offering their goods. Andy had watched her take in the stalls and decorations while they had walked, surely with a dopey grin on his face at her excitement the entire time. The way her face had lit up every time she spotted a Christmas themed bauble or an ugly Christmas jumper had made his heart swell with love and adoration for her. She truly loved Christmas and was such an attentive gift giver. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

“Do you want to continue or go get something to eat?” Andy asked once they’d finished their hot chocolates.

“Can we just sit here for a bit longer?” she asked, cuddling into him, “the lights are so pretty, and I can hear the carollers from here.” 

Andy pressed a kiss on top of her head, wrapping an arm around her.

“Of course, love. I love you,” he murmured into her hair. 

“Love you, too, Andy,” she replied quietly, turning to look at the flickering lights on the Christmas tree in front of them, humming along to a Christmas carol under her breath. Andy had a feeling that actual Christmas day would be just as magical this year as it had been when he was still a boy, and he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of their Christmases together.

Tags @football-and-fanfics @kostasstsimikass

If you want to be added to the tag list click here

[minimoefoe]

ftwd 8.08 thoughts

the vibe here is basically 'i thought i'd hate it but actualy for the most part i stan'

- charlie shoulda been the character image for this ep, not luciana (love her tho and it's good to see her again)

- charlie surviving was something i felt was kinda unnecessary when I found out about it bc like, they got rid of so many characters in kinda meh ways but charlie had an easy death explanation right there that they coulda used but I actually love that she was brought back and only for a small amount of time tbh

like we get to see some great stuff with her - madison finding out she killed nick, troy talking to her about nick - but don't have to have her around for the rest of the season when we only have 4 eps left and an already large cast to give screen time

- I think charlie basically killing herself for the cause makes sense. like I dont feel like they had her kill herself bc they didn't know what else to do with her (tho I'm sure if she stayed alive they wouldn't have known what to do with her lmao)

- charlie defo looked too young and her hair was shit but I can forgive it for the good content

- the nick flashbacks :( I miss him

- was some drama on twt bc some ppl said kim dickens isn't the best actor and my two cents is they're kinda right sorry. she's not bad all the time but she's rarely absolutely incredible. she's probs the weakest actor of all our main characters and has been since the early days. I will say tho that the sometimes the meh dialogue doesn't do her any favours

- daniel saying how he's gonna strangle troy with his bare hands... ily king but plz don't do that 😭

- I love that charlie and luciana are basically daniel's daughters, love them all a lot

- already knew about nick's ashes from leaks and it was another thing I was a bit ??? about bc I felt like they were doing that for the sake of having a bunch of references in the final eps but I think they explained why they have his remains pretty well actually and it being part of why madison didn't stay pissed at charlie was good

- troy going around chopping off walker arms to make madison think she's seeing alicia everywhere is so 😭 like first of all I'm a genius bc I called it and second of all I said in that post that I thought it would be a bit silly but it kinda works actually. I hope the reason he's doing that is bc he lied about killing her (tho I can defo see him cutting arms even if he has actually killed her)

- the tracy stuff was the stuff I was most iffy on bc the idea of troy having a daughter and a significant other is crazy to me and I do still feel that way a little but I also loved the scenes about it a lot so.. I'm optimistic.

- something about seeing troy be genuinely worried about someone is great. I loved madison and troy both being out there while he was running around worried for his kid idk like something about him kinda dropping that 'I'm tough and in charge' thing for a moment while he was worried about tracy and while madison was literally right there with him is the shit I'm SO in this for like AHHH. need more of it

- troy's daughter being called tracy is still dumb as fuck and I don't think they're gonna be able to give an explanation for her being called that that makes it less dumb. (like even troy being the kid's adoptive dad and not biological dad and the kid was already born before he met the kid's mother would still be a stupid explanation bc what are the odds)

- I know troy said that tracy's mum is the woman who saved him but I really hope there's more to it than 'troy was saved by a woman, they fell in love and had a kid and then madison killed the mum at some point' like.. the madison killing the mum part is really interesting and I'm excited to know more (my initial thought a while ago was that she killed the mum when her and tracy were out somewhere and took tracy to padre but clearly tracy isn't with padre so now idk) but the other stuff feels very fanfic-y and not in a good way idkkkk

so far everything I thought I'd be meh has actually been pretty good so it's very possible if that IS what's happened I'll still like it a lot but I want there to be more to it than that i think

- I feel like I'm at such a weird point right now where I loved the tracy stuff we got in this ep and I'm very intrigued by who the mum and is and what happened to her but at the same time I'm like troy having a wife(?) and kid still doesn't fully track in my mind so I keep going back and forth on how I feel avout it 😭 I basically just can't wrap my mind around him being a shagger sorry idk how else to say that

actually seeing it play out will probs warm me up to it a lot more bc that's what's been happening so far. I think the main reason I still find it odd is just that it's hard to take the 12yr time gap into consideration like he's not s3 troy anymore yknow A LOT has happened since then and he's obviously older and has experienced shit (that I would kill for a ton more information on)

- looking forward to the next ep but currently it's screaming that troy won't be in it much/at all which is Sad but if that is the case I'd rather get that out the way sooner than later

[humandisastersquad]

ugh. so. my dad (who's a shitty person and an even shittier father) has had a 'medical episode' so will be in my city for diagnosis/treatment etc and honestly i wish mum hadn't told me bc like there's a reason i cut him off from nearly all means of communicating with me!! so i dont get guilt tripped into feeling sorry for him even tho he's shown absolutely no remorse over how terribly he treated me and mum (and even my brother who thinks im being 'overdramatic' and a 'sensitive snowflake' when i say that he abused us).

and like. this isnt the first time something like this has happened like my brother is still stupidly defensive of him and tried to guilt trip me by blaming dad being "suicidal" bc i didnt talk to him that much and i just know that he'll try and bring up the fact that i went and blocked dad on fb recently and blame his recent drinking and bad health etc and tbh i would not put it past that piece of shit to also think that way and mentioned it to my brother in the first place and UGH i know he's getting older and he's already had a massive cancer scare and both his parents passed away from brain related illnesses that started manifesting close to how old he is now and i know even my mum, who was also treated like shit by him and understands my feelings towards no contact, is trying to get me to think about contacting him "just in case" etc and like. before now i honestly wouldnt have cared if he'd had died etc bc he has little to no impact on my life (except the life long psychological trauma) and literally nothing would change

but. uGH i hate how even mum is pushing me to contact him to try and avoid any regret and i know i say my only regret would honestly be not being able to tell him to his face how much of a shit parent he was and how much he fucked me up as a kid but also. fuck. i do have some fond memories of doing stuff with him like going to the beach and collecting shells and other debris to make sculptures and mucking around in the garden and exploring and going rock fishing and camping etc and i know that's the nostalgia talking and doesnt erase all the shit he did and i have absolutely no idea how i'll actually feel and react when he does eventually die but i jsut. i just dont fucking know

[thrilling-oneway]

Thoughts about pjsekai second season (if any of this is slightly inaccurate I wrote this in July and haven't really touched it since. Also I never read past Stella. So there's probably a few inconsistencies)

- L/n: Their first arc focuses a lot on them trying to make a name for themselves and trying to go pro. I think a good continuation of that would be to have them actually go like semi-pro or get scouted or smth, and now they have to deal with all the stuff that entails. Such as, that's a lot of work, Saki has her chronic illness to deal with already, they all have jobs, and in a general sense it's a lot to ask of 16 year olds. Going pro is definitely what Shiho wants, and I reckon Saki would be pretty into the idea, if you consider her experiences in hospitali causing her to miss out on so much. And even though it is a main goal for Ichika and Honami I wonder how they would approach it.

- MMJ: Maybe a similar thing to L/n. Haruka, Airi and Shizuku already got fucked over by the industry hence why MMJ freelances. And although they are pretty successful as freelancers, as their popularity grows there would probably be more pressure to actually join with an agency. Tbh I couldn't really think of much for them. Another thing to note is that Shizuku and Airi would now be in their last year of high school, so you have Love Live angst potential. Haruka still has unaddressed issues such as her eating disorder which could be covered.

- VBS: Well we already have whatever drama's going on with Ken's old group. Like with Nagi being MIA and the fact there seems to be some strain between Ken and Taiga bc of this. And this hasn't been developed since Vivid Old Tale. Also just still aiming to surpass Rad Weekend ig. Kohane is currently being trained by Taiga so like there's that. A lot of An's conflict comes from the fact she thinks Kohane will leave to go pro so what happens if that is something that starts being considered? Even though An supports her I still feel there's room for mild angst there. Toya still has some issues with his dad of course. There's also his brothers who I don't think have ever actually shown up, so there's room for those two to show up out of the blue.

- WxS: By far the easiest to try and gauge my predictions for bc it has been foreshadowed. In Mermaids Nene realises that to get where she wants to go she will have to leave WxS. Again in Nene fes 1 we see how she wants to go to broadway. Island Panic again mentions how both Tsukasa and Nene both plan on joining the industry, and (implied) move away. The catch? Rui already struggles with lonliness, and in Mermaids we learn he doesn't want to lose WxS, because he has already achieved his dreams with them (so has Emu). This is particularly relevant as all characters are going to move up a school year, as that would land Rui/Tsukasa in final year, in which Tsukasa would start genuinely considering what he wants to do. Cue Love Live style angst (again). Emu still has her family to deal with as well, although they seem to be getting slightly better.

- Niigo: also has a decent amount of foreshadowing (see Guiding a Lost Child). All of Niigo (cept Mizuki) would now be in 3rd year, so you've already got the conflict with Mafuyu's mum wanting her to apply to med school. Mafuyu bunked off the mock and now her mum thinks she's prioritising music so that's a whole thing. Still no updates on Kanade's dad either, so you could maybe have a plot in which he starts making more progress with his recovery. Ena still has unresolved conflict with her dad, which would probably get worse under the assumption she applies to art school. Oh and Mizuki's arc isn't over either after Footprints.

[izzy-b-hands]

I think I’ve identified the main issue w/the latest rizzy fic, but fuck me if I can figure out how to fix it.

I don’t know exactly where it’s going.

Normally, this isn’t an issue. I tend to let the story flower as I go, and trim as needed.

But I’m absolutely staggered with this one, where it’s either (major spoilers for this modern AU fic plot here no matter what direction I go with it in the end, but if you don’t mind that/are curious abt the text blocks of info doing my head in, read on lmao):

Version A: Roach (independent food/chef vlogger) gets too into his May 31st project (a crepe cake) and works into June 1st, only to be reminded by Izzy of his extensively planned Pride Month activities/ideas, that Roach had advertised all the month of May as starting IMMEDIATELY on the first (aka he should already have a video of a themed dish up, but he doesn’t bc he’s on Cake Ten of the crepe cake, and their pantry is now fucking empty too.) Fic (tentatively for now) would end with Izzy figuring out how to help him A. finally finish a satisfactory crepe cake (to Roach’s standards, aka Very Fucking High), B. rapid fire choose and film one of his themed ideas for the Pride Month stuff, and C. eventually sleep bc all of this is going down at like. One in the morning.

Version B: All of the above up until Izzy’s part. Instead of figuring it out that night, he gets Roach to bed and does what he can to help before leaving for his own job (PA/Security/Other Duties As Assigned to the combined very rich household of Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids (in a huge shared house, so they aren’t in each other’s faces if they don’t wanna be, plus Ed & Stede are implied to own other property they spend time at too.))

The issue with Version B is that I worry the thing is getting too Big:

now I have a subplot started there about Izzy admitting to Mary (when he drops in for the morning to take the kids to school and give both couples of the house one of the reject cakes that Roach has deemed won’t be used at all by him. They have ten fucking cakes in the fridge, getting rid of two barely puts a dent in it tbh)

that his mum passed, in England (implied that everyone else is living in the States or NZ, I’m not exactly sure where I wanna put them yet frankly bc either is fine like I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE BUT I GOTTA IMPLY ONE OR THE OTHER DON’T I) last year, during June.

And he just didn’t tell anyone bc A. everyone was busy w/their own lives, B. Roach was doing his usual Pride Month stuff, and Izzy always helps him film/cook/etc for any bigger projects whenever he can, and he didn’t wanna distract from that, and C. he and his mum had a Complex relationship, so he probably wasn’t going to go visit her before she died anyway (secretly, he wishes he had. Only one who knows anything abt how Izzy and his mum interacted is Ed, who tbh has gotten distracted from any of that stuff since meeting Stede and focusing on helping create the shared family they have w/Mary, Doug, and the kids. Which is absolutely fair, but still. For the sake of their friendship, it will need Addressing of some kind, at some point.)

Like all of this is fine in theory, but it already feels sort of out of control? Bc like I then need to address in a finished version of B:

-Izzy and his mum

-Izzy and Ed

-Izzy and his relationship w/Ed, Stede, Mary, Doug, and the kids. Only bc there’s the implication that while it’s good and fairly easy work for Izzy, he occasionally does feel/get treated like The Help during work hours vs someone they actually know well who happens to work for them, and they sort of. Forget that once his shift is done for the day, he might still hang out just as a friend of the family, and they don’t always remember to turn off that Voice of talking To The Help in those moments (with it being noted that Roach and other crew members have witnessed this, but have leaned on Izzy to sort of give them permission to call it out, which of course he isn’t gonna do for fear of it fucking up their arrangement, and he doesn’t wanna job search in his mid-fifties. Which I think is valid enough lol.)

-Roach and his Pride Month problem (aka he’s got all the research in front of him, in this case the idea that he’ll highlight dishes that were beloved by notable/famous ppl w/in the LGBTQ community, but Actually, that isn’t always info that’s easy to find and some of it is more basic foods which he expected, and it’s fine, except he really wanted to challenge himself and maybe if he just looks a little more he can find something else-cut to two hours later and he’s asleep on his laptop. This isn’t even getting into the actual cooking and videoing of said cooking. He needs a Break.)

-Roach and Izzy addressing their mutual issue of ‘working too goddamn much, but not knowing how to take breaks and not feel Terrible and Useless during them.’ It isn’t necessarily hurting their relationship, but it is making them both more stressed than they need to be, and neither of them knows how to calm their brains down enough to understand that they can, in fact, budget for a small break or a vacation and nothing bad will happen.

-The kids and their implied issue w/mainly Mary and Stede (Ed and Doug hang back and are still doing the ‘I’m a new stepparent and I don’t wanna fuck up and overdo any of this, so I just sort of do what my spouse tells me to do re: the kids’ discipline/scheduling/etc), that they’re forcing them into an obscene amount of extra activities (including night tennis lessons, that require Izzy to also stay/work late, not getting them home until nearly ten at night, and himself then even later.) I don’t think they actually allow night tennis of any kind for kids unless it’s like. a fun now and again event, but to me it sounds exactly like what Mary and Stede would get talked into signing the kids up for. After all, it’ll look good on various school applications, and there’s nearly two whole hours after the after school study groups and other sports they play, surely the kids don’t want to sit and do nothing then? (spoiler alert: they do. they just want to sit and do nothing and be kids, which Mary and Stede do know, but have forgotten in the mess of getting divorced, then watching each other get remarried nearly right away, then realising it would easier/cheaper to try and share a home and keep the kids stable under one roof and moving everyone in together. Not an excuse, just an explanation.)

And that’s. So Much Stuff for one fic. And that’s WITHOUT figuring out what I want the main goal/ending to look like for sure. I won’t lie and say I’m good at multichaptered fics, I’m very much not, but I think that’s the only way Version B could work. And Version B, for what it’s worth, I think could be very satisfying and interesting as a read.

Version A, on the other hand, would be shorter, less dramatic, and would probably involve just Izzy and Roach, whereas Version B eventually would at least be referencing that like. The crew we know and love still work for Ed and Stede and whatever they do in this modern AU (marketing that only involves nautical/maritime/marine life themes maybe? does it matter in the end if it gets mentioned vaguely all of once???)

Even then, we still have the issue of: where in the FUCK is any of this going? What’s the point?

Version A, to me rn, is much more focused on rizzy and the internal dynamic there, focusing hard on the comfort of their life together and tackling problems together. I could probably just pull together something cute abt Izzy trying to fix the latest crepe cake while Roach films his first Pride video. Like my current tentative ending isn’t horrible. Nothing to write home abt, but it’s Fine, ya know?

Version B, to me again dlksajf, is a bigger overall picture that frustratingly, as of yet, doesn’t have a real huge or distinct end goal. It’s less of a ‘here’s a set ending with clear wins and losses’ and more of a ‘life and ppl are messy, no matter how hard anyone tries. Everyone here is doing their best, and learning. Here’s how they’re doing by the end and what they’ve managed to learn/work on, with the implication that they’re gonna keep learning and doing better, but not without fucking up more first bc. Human’

But are either of those actually fucking satsifying???? I wish I knew!!! I was absolutely flying along writing the draft for Version B until all of the above shit knocked on the door of my brain and put up a goddamn roadblock!!!

This is so much info, but if you’ve read this far and have any thoughts/opinions on which of these seems more worth pursuing, please let me know somehow. I’m dying to brainstorm & bounce ideas around w/folks. But even if u just wanna say ‘nah Version A sucks do B’ or vice versa. Pls say it fdksafalk