#and that if i can have empathy for others suffering and experiences that are different to mine

[iapislazuli]

nightheart, finchlight, and pre-verbal trauma

(sorry, i ramble a bit here lol)

im surprised i havent seen any discussion or analyses on nightheart / finchlight and pre-verbal trauma, since that's like, exactly what happened to them? (And nipping this in the bud right away no, I'm not saying this is Sparkpelt's fault btw, she was suffering from grief and PPD, and she made the best posible choice by having sorrelstripe foster her kits! for her situation, she was the best parent she could've been). but finch and night were so young, they couldn't understand what was happening. they were newborn kittens who couldnt see or hear, the only thing they knew was their mother's scent, and they got taken away from her, and thrust into a new space wholly unfamiliar to them with no warning. yes, it was for a good reason, and yes in the long run it likely benefitted their health physically. and yes, it was for a comparatively short amount of time, too. but them experiencing that at such a young age, having all they've ever known taken from them when they can't even open their eyes yet is, well, traumatic! young children experience the world so much differently than teenagers and adults. everything happening to them is basically happening for the first time. how did they knew sparkpelt would come back? they didn't! they had no way to understand the idea of PPD and grief. the effects of pre-verbal trauma sticks with you for life even if you can't remember it. this is such a huge misconception about child psychology it makes me crazy. a baby being so young it can't talk doesn't mean it doesnt have feelings!! and this leads to my next point...

which is how the differences in their adolescences led to their abilities to cope with this trauma being different. pre-verbal trauma causes abandonment issues and trouble regulating emotions among other symptoms; something nightheart very obviously struggled with. but what about his sister? finchlight is seemingly way more well-adjusted. this is likely because she chose to follow her mother to exile. wether knowingly or not, she didn't reinforce the abandonment issues caused by her pre-verbal trauma, which led to her being a more well adjusted adult with less glaringly obvious emotional issues. it could have also caused her to become unhealthily clingy to her mother, leading her trauma to manifest in a different way. maybe she also has empathy issues, not understanding why her brother cant just "get over it" like she did (she didn't just get over it tho, lol, she's just coping in a different way). there's lots of room for interpretation with finchlight, i think. while the authors' choice to apply this experience only to nightheart is frustratingly arbitrary and follows warrior cats' very protagnist-centric narratives, i do believe that following an analysis based on the idea of pre-verbal trauma and finchlight's choice to follow her mother into exile, you can explain why these two siblings reacted to the same situation so different. and i think looking to it that way, it's pretty damn interesting!!

[77dekiru]

It’s honestly so upsetting to see that the majority of people just don’t understand that Tomura doesn’t actually get enjoyment from killing people.

Tomura has literally felt so sick to his stomach that he has thrown up when he has killed people before.

The difference between all of the times Tomura has felt physically ill from killing people and all of the times that Tomura has gotten “enjoyment” from it (Tomura doesn’t feel enjoyment, he feels relief.) is that each time the person he killed had hurt him first.

Killing the people that hurt him is just genuinely the only thing that Tomura can think of to get them to finally stop so that they won’t hurt him anymore.

Tenko had originally reached out to his father for help, only for him to be struck by him with a gardening tool… and only then Tenko killed (with purpose) his father to stop him from hurting him again:

Tomura only wanted to kill the two drunk men after they had hurt him for literally just walking down the street:

Tomura wanting to kill the heroes that had hurt him (with the intention of killing him):

Tomura still doesn’t get enjoyment from killing people who hurt him, but he does experience relief from it…

((Edit: I would just like to clarify that the relief that Tomura feels from killing people that hurt him comes from knowing that they can’t hurt him anymore (relief that he is safe, even if temporarily) It does not come from him getting rid of the “itch” that he experiences (it always comes back, even after killing), like AFO groomed him into believing. I saw someone add that in the tags, and I realized that I never fully explained my thoughts on it. LOL.))

Not to mention, Tomura was literally GROOMED by All For One (which is something that people just like to ignore for some reason…) to even have this desire to kill people in the first place.

And even then Tomura doesn’t have the desire to kill people in the way that AFO wants!

His want for destruction stems from his inherent empathy for others, and his inability to understand how people are able to ignore the suffering of others. Not what All For One has groomed him into believing. (That Tomura’s want for destruction is an impulse that’s something inherent to him.)

Tomura has continued to have empathy for others despite AFO’s grooming, and has showed genuine kindness to the league on many occasions…

All of this is such an important aspect of Tomura’s character and being able to actually understand him, and it’s so disheartening constantly seeing people completely overlook this part of him.

[lightwise]

Omega is not okay

I know we've all been over the moon about Crosshair and Hunter's dynamic in The Return, but I want to draw some attention to Omega in this episode, and something that I think Joel Aron is trying to draw attention to with his lighting choices.

Omega is not okay.

Joel has made pointed out many times that he loves doing reveal lighting (think the overhead light in Crosshair's cell or on the freighter at the end of A Different Approach giving him a halo, or how Hunter stops short of the overhead light on the Marauder before stepping out to greet Omega). And throughout this whole episode, the light is breaking over Crosshair and bathing him in warmth more and more. He is slowly returning the light and coming home to his family.

Omega, however, in nearly every single scene in this episode, is in shadow.

Yes, her hairstyle is contributing to the fall of light on her face, and yes, she has her hat on while they're on Barton IV. But this is showing that her psychological state since they escaped Tantiss is uneasy, at best, and very conflicted and darkened, at worst. Even when she wakes up in the comfort and safety of the Marauder, she is shrouded in shadow. And even in scenes where the light wraps around and highlights Crosshair's face, Omega's is kept harshly defined, and she is often looking away from the "camera".

Even when we see her somewhat happier at points in this episode, usually due to watching her brothers reconnect, her face is not as well lit as theirs.

Omega kept her positivity and optimism at the forefront while she and Crosshair were in prison, and throughout most of their escape. It's what we most associate with her--being a ray of sunshine and encouragement for those around her. Now, however, she has the opportunity to relax a bit, for the adults to be handling certain things, and the trauma and perspective shift that she has just gone through is coming to the forefront.

Her survivors guilt, her shock at not being the only female clone, her confusion and questions over who she is and why she is so important, the cruelty she's seen Hemlock be capable of, and her continued empathy for anyone who is suffering is all swirling around in her in ways that she doesn't know what to do with yet. Yes, she has seen much suffering in the galaxy already in her short life, and has always been adamant about her need to help others. But ultimately it had never impacted her like this. Until now.

Crosshair has been broken and remade by his experiences. Omega is being broken and remade by hers as well. And I'm not sure the boys fully realize just how much yet.

Omega refuses to be left behind. She feels responsible for the fact that the rest of the clones are still on Tantiss. She feels guilty that she could have a chance at a life still and they don't. She feels an all-encompassing need to help them if she can, even though she is still young and vulnerable. This is ultimately going to conflict with Hunter's desires to keep her safe and hidden. Echo has already chosen the fight. Wrecker is willing to go wherever he's needed. Crosshair has been through too much to not be willing to fight back however necessary.

Hunter is going to eventually realize that while Omega is still a child, and does need to be protected, at the same time, her own sense of responsibility is going to eventually supersede his desires.

Echo and Crosshair especially will be able to understand some of what she is feeling and hopefully help guide her through it. Hopefully, Omega will be able to reconcile who she is, what she is capable of, and what is outside of her ability to fix, sooner rather than later. But it's safe to say she will never be the same after this. At least she has a little bit of reprieve before facing whatever is next.

[hadesoftheladies]

i know we joke a lot during misandry hours, but the fact of the matter is men aren't inhuman. they do have convictions and conscience. they do have love and compassion. they are capable of immense kindness, thoughtfulness and empathy. they are very often curious and intelligent.

the difference is they don't think of women as having any of those things hence don't extend the moral consideration they would extend toward "fellow human beings". they genuinely view women as animals. and how do they view animals? as primitive. infantile. not as evolved or cultivated. mostly mindless hence mostly incapable of suffering. they don't have as much mind and their "self" is weak, so there is no memory or centralized experience, no history to the individual woman.

the same way a man can have a dog and slaughter a screaming chicken is the same way he can be a loving husband to his wife and still rape an underage girl. it's how they've all lived for so long that it's not contradictory to their behavior.

so him being nice to "his women" isn't proof you're safe with him. him demonstrating any virtue to others still isn't proof you're safe with him. him being devout to a "kind loving god" is not proof you're safe with him. him humouring you on anything isn't proof you're safe with him. him being gnc is not proof you're safe with him.

his humanity does not mean he sees you as human as well. it is nowhere near a guarantee. please understand this.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.8 PLANET PLACEMENTS 101

Aries Placements - Have the ability to drive anything into fruition. They can have a goal and see the plan through with an interesting amount of imagination and practicality in place. These aren't the type to sit down and 'wait' for things to come to them, they will simply be stubborn enough to do it themselves. Everything may not have gone as planned on the first go, but with time and stability they will come out greater and gain a sense of self-mastery in their craft.

Venus Placements - People with venusian aspects like sun/moon/rising have a gift that contains a higher amount of charm then most. These individuals can utilize their personalities in a way that will get them favored. Like their gemini friends, they can be a lil tricky to figure out. It is because they are able to use their beauty as a shield (as well as an illusion) to get what they want in life. It is only when they are self aware of this gift, they can use it to get whatever it is they desire.

Neptunian Placements - Neptunians have a gift in being the muse of creation. They are splendid in their craft of creating safe spaces for their imagination to dwell in. Whether its through art, fashion or just simply existing, like their aquarian buddies they have this gift of connecting to the stars way before everyone can catch up. They can come off a bit crazy to others, but in hindsight they are deeply aware of self and have a mass amount of empathy that allows them to read reality the way it is, and share that insight with the rest of the world.

Pluto Placements - Plutonians can undergo a lot of stress when they allow things to fester without bringing attention to the matter. These are the individuals to suffer in silence and by not saying a word they can cut out any forms of emotional support if they are not aware of themselves to escape the astro-cities that can sometimes be the danger of their own mind. (Moon/Pluto Placements - Outlets for your emotional expression is a necessity.) When there is no guidance for your emotions to thrive you will end up rageful and continuing to feel the lesser dense emotions hiding in your body. It will eventually way on you and it'll take a toll on your spirit. The power beneath this placement is to hold on tightly to that powerful entity you know is divine no matter what they tell you.

Plutonian Individuals may find themselves in the arms of people who are testifying their gifts right in front of you. Some wish to belittle and do harm to you because in the mirror they do not see the same light or dark power that you continue to see in yourself. So these people will always try to bite you to get a piece of it themselves, but in the end it never turns out the way they think. It turns sour.

Sun Placements - So I noticed the more sun placements an individual has, the more difficult this energy can be to surrender to. A person with sun/neptune may have a difficulty with expressing their empathic nature because the world isn't connected to their astral body like they are. When they express themselves, its like their connecting to their soul that feels out of the human experience. They have a different connection to the world then most, so they'll be often misunderstood. But in general, sun placements can feel a bit off in society because the world is always saying their cocky or arrogant when really they are free of the world and its restraints. Sun placements (no matter how big or small the aspect) have to deal with a lot of people taking themselves for granted. When they are sent to be a light, others are horrified by their shadows being shined on (sun/pluto). The more placements (especially conjunctions you have) the more you'll be tempted to stop the light since others will attempt to bring you down with them. It's a path that builds for a leader to take ship, not to dim down.

Uranian Placements - Ahead of their time but mostly because the world isn't ready for change. When these individuals get a hand on how society operates, they become powerhouses who are the tyrants ready for newness.These brainiacs are capable of being connected to the cosmos where receiving divine information on how to move and where to go gives them great benefit. They only thing I can say to them is, you have to be mindful of the company you keep. Because not everyone can see the vision. Do not allow any and everybody to take up space for whatever it is you claim as yours. Just because THEY can't see it doesn't mean its not real. Again, the things you see come through in your mind is a gift that the cosmic connections of space gave to you. You know the true concept of time more than anyone else, and with that you are able to gather up the right information, make your abilities/skills stronger than ever and than boom. The big bang. It all works in the end, dont force yourself to know everything. Just focus on the stars.

[drdemonprince]

I don't know if it is because of my intense autistic burnout or because I intellectualize my emotions, but I talk to other leftists and activists who are autistic and they share about being in tears for hours, unable to eat, etc., because of the ongoing genocide. I just feel such shame that I am not having these reactions. I can intellectually feel upset, I feel angry almost all the time that all these things are happening, I try to engage in what action I can. But when I reach inside I don't feel this physical revulsion, mostly just nothing, an emptiness that is just there unless I actively think and prompt knowing I am angered and outraged. And this isn't much different than how I feel empathy interpersonally. I have had crying fits and meltdowns and been unable to eat because of my own personal problems at times. But I wonder if it's because I'm just privileged and protected by genocidal fascist colonialism and I need to wake the fuck up to the fact that I'm just selfish bitch.

You're not a selfish bitch. I am much the same way. I simply do not have emotions about most events in the world. That doesn't prevent me from taking actions that align with my values to oppose settler colonialism and genocide. In fact, I often find it easier to think clearly about the issues that I care about and take action when I am not weighed down by intense overpowering emotions.

I sometimes feel like other people must be lying about how emotionally distressed they are by these events, and that they must think being bereft proves what a good person they are and how seriously they take it. The loud performing of despair and sorrow can even annoy me because it feels so false and pointless and obnoxiously self involved.

Intellectually though I KNOW that isn't right, at least not for everyone. Lots of people just are genuinely saddened by the ongoing genocide to the extent that they cannot even function. It is just very hard for me to wrap my brain around because I do not experience such emotions. I do not place any pressure on myself to feel any particular thing, because my emotions are not a reflection of who I am. My behavior is.

Despair is not moral. A person crying and lying catatonic on the floor unable to eat does not do SHIT to help starving Palestinians. Me feeling deeply numb to the images of death and destruction that I see every day does nothing to harm them either.

What matters is how we ACT. And I do care about fighting the genocide. And I show that with my actions. And so do many of the people who are bereft too. but not because they are bereft.

Suffering isn't moral. That christianity brain talking. (which can influence a person be they christian or not). There is no good put into the world by you crying and denying yourself things and being in pain. That's a highly self involved, symbolic understanding of morality we've all been conditioned into believing. But it is nonsense. Emotions have no impact on the external world. Thoughts and prayers have no impact on the external world.

We dont have to feel any emotion about the genocide, we need to ACT.

So please stop beating yourself up for not beating yourself up more. It is of no value to the cause.

[balkanradfem]

Do you ever think about how sad and messed up it is to grow up in this world as a little girl who likes to read. Because you are a child, and you don't get that there's a difference in who writes the books, you read everything you like, you read the adventures and the fantasy and the mysteries and the traumatic stuff and if you're also very isolated and lonely, these books build your worldview. Because why wouldn't they? They're written by humans, so they have the attitudes, opinions, perceptions, morals and spirits of human beings in them, they're telling you what humans think and feel about things, how they go about situations, what they imagine, what they desire. What your role in all this is, or what it could potentially be.

But, since you are not capable of differentiating the material, and you just read what is available to you, you end up reading a lot of books written by m*n. You also have to go thru the required reading at school - 90% written by m*n. And so slowly, since young age, without even socializing or learning it thru interaction, you find yourself in a world shaped by minds who do not have empathy for women, especially not for little girls. You find yourself relating to the male protagonists, but you also find out that girls only play a passive role in their stories. You find that m*n problems are centered, made important, their suffering and violence critical points in the story, while women are cast aside as helpers, servants, givers, caretakers, and generally just exist in the background, not a thought given to what they are going thru.

You learn thru books written by m*n, that your experience is secondary. Even if you cast yourself as the adventuring, immensely important and struggling protagonist, even then the other women in your mind end up being just background characters, caregivers who do not need a thought spared for their suffering.

Books written by m*n, even for children, will trivialize female suffering to the point where they shape the child's mind into one that looks at the world from a male perspective. Where women either don't matter, or are capable only of giving and aiding, to be cast aside for more important matters, such as male aspirations for their own lives.

Thinking back, I understand why I felt myself unimportant and trivial in any social setting - I understood my role from the written word, and I knew adults found me trivial, secondary, only a background figure to someone else's adventure or mission. As much as I could fight it in my fantasies, and make myself the main character, it felt like a pipe dream, like something that was incredible self-indulged and selfish and would never translate to reality.

I wish it had been different. I wish I had been introduced specifically and only to books written by women, for women. I wish I had found empathy for myself in those books. I wish I had found myself standing on high ground, equal ground, with other women, our desires centered, our lives translated into tales of epic importance - because that's what they are. I wish I had been born into a world where female perspective is available from the start, not after years of growing up and finding feminist literature and having to re-write my own role in my brain, from all of those years of reading male perspective as the default.

I don't think any little girl should be exposed to literature that shape her world as a place where she doesn't matter. I don't think books written by males and shaped by their worldview should be allowed into children's literature, or teenage or for young adults. Girls should not be learning from fiction that their most important value is empathy and understanding for male problems, and their second, to be desired and/or helpful to them, all while being treated as nothing but service and background noise until you're desired for something. We need to open books and find out that we matter too. That our lives can be the center of our existence, rather than being in the service of someone else's life.

[whateversawesome]

SxF Chapter 91: Perspective, History, Empathy

Let me start by saying that I didn't think this chapter would make me so emotional. Was it the same for you?

A small side character like Millie, who we saw only as one of Yor's annoying co-workers, turned out to have a very sad backstory and gave us a glimpse of how things are for young people in Ostania.

This chapter talks a lot about people understanding and misunderstanding each other. Millie was just talking about her own experience and feelings, she was explaining why it was so difficult for her to help during an event like this, and that lady felt personally attacked because she saw things from her own point of view and her sufferings.

In no way the story discards any of those ladies' sufferings; what they went through during the war was very difficult, I'm sure. Nevertheless, comparing their sufferings and demanding Millie to act the same way just because they were able to do it, it's not right.

They both had different experiences because their circumstances were different, so they face life in their own way. That's exactly Yor's point.

Here, Yor demonstrates her best quality (and one of the many reasons why her husband fell in love with her): Emotional strength.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Yor is a very emotionally intelligent character. The way she stood up for Millie displayed all her emotional strength. She called out that woman in such a smart way!! She wasn't rude but her words were true and very wise.

One of the most important things Yor mentions is that we cannot bear the same load because we're different. And I couldn't agree more👏

Also, if we take it as a metaphor, Yor is such a strong person because she carried a very heavy load: as a child and an orphan, she had to take care of her brother. Because of this, a naturally kind person like her had to learn to murder in order to survive.

It was a beautiful chapter. On top of everything, we learned a few important things:

1.Yor did lose her parents during the war and because of the war.

2.Donovan Desmond did NOT start the war. But plenty of young people like Millie don't know that, so it's possible that since he was Prime Minister during most of the war, he gets blamed for starting it.

3.Donovan Desmond is hated by many. That's probably the reason why he's no longer in office. And it also wouldn't be surprising that the majority of people in Ostania who voted against him want to move on from the war.

3.Melinda still wears her wedding ring and, even though she's separated from her husband, she still counts him as an important person for her. I guess, you can hate a person's actions and opinions, hate what they have become, but care about them at the same time...their marriage is complicated.

4.Not only Yor and Twilight fear the SSS because of their jobs. The general population do too because they know rich and powerful people can make them disappear regardless whether they are spies or not. That means arrests and disappearences of innocent people are common.

5.There was a repression during war time. This means the state controls and restricts certain rights of its citizens. When war happens, the state may determine it's necessary to protect their country and citizens. Chances are that policing of others started then and Ostanians got used to living like that.

And now some questions:

Was Melinda being sincere? In my opinion yes (for the most part). Melinda is no longer campaigning for her husband. In fact, she's going there incognito. Since her husband is no longer the Prime Minister and they don't have any elections to win, she doesn't have to support this types of events. If you think about it, once a politician retires from the public eye, their spouse generally goes back to their normal life.

Something that caught my attention was that it was mentioned Melinda has a lot of enemies; probably because her husband has a lot of enemies too. If that's the case, it would be easier for Melinda to move abroad, where she could have a care-free life, yet, she has chosen to stay in Ostania. Why?

Melinda is still a very mysterious character. We don't know her plans or intentions. We don't know why she separated from her husband. My only guess is that she's suffered a great deal and that's why she's able to empathize with Millie, even though their experiences are different.

What do you think?

Bonus (to end on a light note):

This is the Sxf when we see Yor 😄

[unbidden-yidden]

There's this dynamic I've seen replicated across numerous different identities, where people from the same identity group who have suffered greatly over that identity end up in conflict with those who have suffered less and also talk freely about the joy that identity has given them.

The people who have suffered a lot tend to find the joy expressed by the latter group extremely grating at best and offensive at worst. This often then leads to identity policing and the creation of artificial barriers that are unsupported by reality. If you have not suffered THIS much, then you aren't really [X]. Or, perhaps, the latter group is told that while they might technically be [X], they need to stop talking and 'prioritize' (aka stop talking, but nicer) the former group. This is also often categorized as 'privilege,' which actually makes 0 sense.

Meanwhile, the latter group frequently has complete failures of empathy or perspective, and often do not make space for the former group to talk about how [X] identity has hurt them, how they have suffered due to it, and how they don't necessarily emphasize it or particularly want to 'find joy' in it. There is often a complete lack of recognition of trauma the former group has experienced, and this lack of recognition can be especially painful coming from people who are ostensibly in the same group.

We have GOT to start acknowledging that both experiences are legitimate and finding ways to talk about our various experiences without hurting each other.

Some suggestions I might make are:

If you're in the former category, please try to access therapy or support groups to address your (completely legitimate) trauma. As someone who has *been* that person, life is so much better when you are happy for people finding joy, even in something that hurt you, rather than, what, exactly? Wishing they experienced the same pain? If it was really that bad, why would you wish that on anyone? Especially someone like you?

Stop categorizing intra-group dynamics as privilege, as if that marginalized identity could be a privilege. Instead, consider using other terms to discuss the spectrum of experience that don't erase other people's trauma.

Stop denying the trauma of others. Try to get some perspective on things, and look at the facts objectively. This is what is intended by the original "prioritize [X] with [Y] experience" framing, even if it has been twisted in shitty ways. Bad discourse doesn't change what happened.

And as someone who has also been in the latter group - look. There's a time and a place. For example, I love being Jewish. My life has gotten way better since becoming Jewish, even in spite of everything else that's going on. But Yom HaShoah isn't the day for me to express that. That would be tactless, tasteless, and insensitive. That's instead a great day for me to be quiet and supportive of Jews who lost family. There are plenty of other days for me celebrate my love of Judaism and for the Jewish people (like Shavuot!)

Anyway, nuance is good, infighting is bad, and valuing and respecting people's varied experiences can only help us. Exclusion and disrespect only hurts us and helps the people who want us silenced, hidden, erased, bullied into conformity and/or killed.

[detransition]

Many trans people talk about dysphoria as if it is some mysterious thing, that cannot possibly be comprehended by others. Having experienced gender dysphoria, I actually think it is a very ordinary thing. It is the discrepancy between how one would like the world to be and how the world is. You want your body to be one way, and it is a different way. You want to be treated in one way and you are treated in a different way. You want to be seen in one way, and you are seen a different way. This is really a universal experience, shared by all human beings. I find it helpful to see that, it helps to create empathy and compassion, rather than separation and isolation. It then follows that anything that increases the gap between how you would like the world to be and how it is will increase dysphoria and anything that decreases that gap will decrease dysphoria. Frequently, people report that when they come to a point of identifying as transgender rather than questioning, their dysphoria increases rather than decreases. This is not surprising because they have increased the gap between how they would like the world to be and how the world is. Now being seen as your birth sex hurts more, because you have solidified your idea of being otherwise. The pain of being misgendered increases greatly after taking steps to transition because you have committed to the idea of the world seeing you as the gender you identify with, and they don’t. The more rigid these ideas, the more suffering that there is. When faced with the challenge of the world being different than you would like it to be, there are two things that you can do to reduce that gap. One is to change the world so that it is more to your liking and the other is to accept the world as it is. It is like the classic serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.” When it comes to gender, there are things you can change it is true, you can change your hormones, you can have surgery, you can change your name, you can change the way you behave in the world. However, you cannot completely change your sex, you cannot control the perceptions of others. Not accepting those two facts, will lead to endless suffering. I remember having dysphoria that was so severe. It was very important to me that everyone perceive me as female. Whenever this failed in some way I would create some rationalization for why it happened. Sometimes that wasn’t possible, and I would go into a tailspin. I even moved to a place where people were less trans aware in order to attempt to be perceived as female. That didn’t work either. I wanted the world to be other that it was. I still had body dysphoria after surgery because I wanted my body to be other than it was. The only way out, was the path of acceptance. That was what helped to let go of dysphoria, not changing my body, not attempting to convince everyone I was born female, not attempting to convince myself that I was female in every way. You can change your body or not, but without the acceptance, the dysphoria will not go away. If you are dependent on other’s perceiving you a certain way, that won’t work either, because you do not control the perceptions of others. This acceptance is essential for any path through this maze, whether transitioning or not, going on hormones or not, having surgeries or not. So why not start with that first? I know for myself, if I had practiced this acceptance first, I would have not needed to change my body. I am not sure what is true for you, but I do know we all need to confront the fact the world is other than we would like it to be.

from thirdwaytrans | thinking of detransition? you are not alone

[deakwithit]

I dont subscribe to the house has secret debilitating empathy for people hc..i think he cares, and doesnt want all people to suffer, but he doesnt experience day to day empathy like someone else would. i have next to no empathy and it makes me just a little happy to imagine house having no empathy, because he isn't represented as someone who does only bad despite his lack of empathy, just that his motives are different from "well, ill feel bad if i dont" or "but society says i should care" (this, he would probably call selfish, anyway).

i think he recognizes his lack of empathy but still does the good thing anyway, not because he cares all the time, just that hes not evil, and can make nice choices for others.

[lefluoritesys]

It's so weird to feel excluded in DID spaces because... we don't suffer 24/7. And I mean we don't suffer so much, we actually have a good experience with DID most of the time, and it genuienly helps us survive. Like we're not perfect, of course, but the good overrides the bad, and most of our problems don't come from alters.

I could pop in to front and ask an alter at front to not talk to somebody, or do something for me, and they would. If they have questions, they'd ask. Like, "Hey, I don't like this person... can you be careful around them?" or "Don't share that info about me", and they'd be like "Okay, cool" and move on.

We found ways to differenciate between each other, and sometimes dissociation actually makes us feel better. Because with too many alters in front, we can temporarily dissociate into one blob that would let us function. Best part? It lets us use all the roles of alters inf ront at once as this one blob. Temporary merging that isn't really temporary merging, to be honest... I have no idea how else to describe it. it is but it isn't. And even if there is dissociation, it's not cause of alters, it's cause of our brain being a bitch.

I sometimes lean back in my chair in the front room when I'm in control of the body, turn to our physical persecutor (who also happens to be my best friend), and go, "Hey, you good if I do homework on your subject today?" And they go, "Sure. You sure you can do it tho? Like, do you have memories of how?" And I'd go, "I think so, I just don't wanna switch rn, I'll call you if I need help, though." And they'd go "Cool."

Like, don't get me wrong, we have had problems. But they were never because somebody was bad, they were because of people's actions that were honestly mostly fueled by being abused, trauma, and figuring out how to properly function. No one was ever the problem. We have alters who are just awful, but that's a separate problem. People in front for us are lovely. Sometimes we have fights, sometimes we have relapses, sometimes we just have horrible things happen to each other or IRL or something else. But no one is ever the problem. We never had that mentality that DID, and our alters, were the problem. Their actions are sometimes, but not them as separate personalities. Actually, we had problems with each other and with DID because people outside told us we should. DID improved our lives, and the areas that it didn't, we never saw it as it "ruined" them, it just... made them harder, and told us there are different ways we need to go about daily stuff and life. To each other, we're literally just people with mental health issues who are trying to make the body functional, but also? We're even kinda happy to be here. And if not happy, at the very least neutral enough not to want to become one.

It's so weird hanging around here, having a blog dedicated to spread positivity about DID, kinda being like:

"Hello, we are actually... functional. And would have always been if people didn't try to convince us otherwise out of their own misery and want for everyone else to be miserable."

We have issues, but they're not because of DID, DID actually helps us with them. It doesn't make us feel invalid, I don't think, but it does make us question whether we belong in DID community. And we have a lot of alters with low empathy, somehow, that makes us more compassionate? It's such a weird problem to have. It shouldn't even be a problem but here we are.

-host

[palms-upturned]

The horror of disco elysium and pjõl is distinction as separation I think… the way that everything in the story hinges on how well Harry can understand others and make himself understood, the theme of partners who are separated from one another, physically or emotionally or both. Harry conceptualizing Dora as a religious figure with the power to absolve or condemn him, to give him permission to live or take it away, to make sense of his pain and the apocalyptic fallout of their breakup when the truth is that it was a very common, mundane story of a failed relationship. People who tried and failed to understand each other, care for each other, create a future where they could comfortably exist together.

And it just didn’t work. That’s all. It just didn’t.

Because people grow and change in unpredictable ways, and they live through entirely different experiences that are difficult for others to understand, and histories and ideologies that we don’t even entirely understand shape the ways we perceive the world and each other and even ourselves from the moment we’re born.

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "You asked that question because you're still under the influence of ideology. That's natural. You're like a fish that's only now discovering that her whole life has been dictated by the movements of sea currents."

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "That's what ideology is. It's like there are these invisible forces everywhere, pushing and tugging you this way and that, and you don't even know they're *there*."

YOU - "What does this have to do with communism?"

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "Everything, man. That is part of the communist project, to destroy the ideological structures that reduce men and women to these hollow shells of identity."

YOU - "Is it even *possible* to imagine a world without ideology?"

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - "Of course it's possible. Just extremely difficult. You practically have to be a world-historical individual to do it."

The appeal of the pale is that there is no distinction, no separation, not between people and not between times. No longing for the past, no pain in the present, no fear of the future. No misunderstandings between people. No loneliness. Everything becomes vapor and intermingles. But this is, essentially, a suicidal fantasy. Entropolism is portrayed as a kind of nihilist acceleration. If this world is doomed, then let’s hurry it the hell up and end all our fruitless suffering! It’s a position that doesn’t believe that there’s anything about the human experience worth holding onto. True love is possible ONLY in the next world for new people. It is too late for us.

And yet, it doesn’t seem to hold true at the end of the day, not even for someone like Tiago, who is one of the most extreme entropolists in the game.

TIAGO - "Might even be nice to have some company..."

EMPATHY - He said that in spite of himself. He's more attached to the human than he'd like to think.

Harry drives that car into the sea because he feels like it’s too late for him. He doesn’t believe he’ll ever be loved again. He feels a painful disconnect from the world around him, as someone straddling the line of living in the margins while also perpetuating the same marginalization that estranges him from others. But he survives the wreck and climbs out of the water and is immediately consoled by kind strangers who acknowledged his humanity and cared about him. For the rest of the game, we see him attempt to understand others and make himself understood to varying degrees of success. He is distinct and separate from others, but he is never alone.

To become vapor is to be alone. To be human is to be able to come together. Un jour je serai de retour près de toi.

ACELE - "Egg came with us. He made this wheezing puppy dog sound all the way back. Couldn't even speak."

ACELE - "It was definitely Coal City, because it took us two days to walk back to the Fau. He just wheezed the whole way, we never really asked him why he came with us. Or who he was. I think his name is Germaine..."

ACELE - "People are sweet," she says quietly.

EMPATHY - You can see it must have been a great night. The memory causes her to go silent for a moment or two.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Theory: Legato or Wolfwood are what Tesla would have grown up to.

“What do you mean by that, my favourite, derpy lizard,” you ask. To which I say…

I thought long and hard about it, between the twins and their human followers there is one very important and blatant difference in how they have experienced their trauma. Wolfwood and Legato have been direct victims. They have personally endured torture. Vash and Knives witnessed the aftermath of such torture. They are hurt indirectly, accidentally even. Both experiences are painful and I am not making up a hierarchy about which one was hurt the most, because that’s useless.

Though, there is one big difference for me. Neither Vash nor Knives have experienced the helplessness and powerlessness that the other three have experienced. And that is what makes them who they are. Knives becomes a tyrant, always fearing losing control and ending up like Tesla. Vash becomes a people pleasing martyr that denies himself even the slightest care. But they have power. It is their decision and agency, how they use it. Sure, their trauma twists it, but they have, in theory, power to do as they like. Hell, the whole history of No-Man's-Land is them acting how they want. Only they themselves can force them to do something, they are completely independent from outer influences, except the other. And such their sense of community, connection to others and their empathy suffers. If you are completely independent, why would you need to truly connect to anybody? (stares at Vash, but I digress)

The feelings of powerlessness and helplessness are such an important part of Legato and Wolfwood.

For Legato they are the reason why he fawns over the perfect being Knives. Knives is perfect because he is powerful. He can do whatever he wishes to and that is something Legato looks up to. But however craycray Legato is, he knows suffering. Even though it is useless in the grand scheme of things, since Knives will scorch the whole of No-Man’s-Land, he still saves those enslaved women. It would be totally out of character, if it wasn't for the bit that he himself experienced such assaults and thus doesn't want others to experience the same. Even if they would die anyway.

For Wolfwood, while he didn’t experience outright torture (most likely) before joining the orphanage, we get hints that his childhood before wasn’t the easiest. His feelings of powerlessness and receiving a place in the orphanage as a saving grace make him a protector. Someone who endures, so others do not have to. And that is how he endures the outright torture of the EoM. Because he experienced community and selfless help and chose to help the people he cared for likewise. Wolfwood reflects the good he has experienced, for the better and worse.

So, for me, the question is not if Tesla would be similar to one of them, but more akin to: Which experiences would make her develop in either way? Would she become more like Legato if some “Ubermensch” saved her? Or would she become more like Wolfwood, if she has the chance to experience true selflessness and community?

[chaotic-multi-fandom]

Holden Caulfield

So, I just finished “The Catcher in the Rye”, and it was very different from what I expected. This book has a reputation of being somewhat extreme, and making teenagers more angry, depressed or even violent because of its main character Holden. However, now that I’ve read it, I fail to see why. I can understand why at the time of its publication Holden’s internal monologue could’ve been seen as alarming, specially to adults, but not as much in the present time, and definitely not as extreme as it said to be. He’s also constantly called annoying, pretentious and an asshole, which he sometimes is, but once again, In my opinion, not to the extreme people present him as. I didn’t mind being inside of his head the entire novel, nor did I ever find him as insufferable as most people seem to, and definitely not a monster, if anything I had a lot of empathy and understanding towards him. 

To me, Holden simply came off as a lost 17 year old boy, grappling with grief, identity, and having lost his innocence at a very young age. He’s clearly suffering from depression, and is generally angry and disillusioned with the world, however given his implied experiences it’s only natural, even just the death of his brother prior to the events of the book cold easily explain his behaviour, however there’s definitely other elements, which choses not to reveal, that have contributed to his current state. 

To me, Holden never came off as extreme or violent, at least not enough to be sent to a psych ward or o incite the alarmed response people seem to have to his character. In fact, despite seemingly being done with the world, and not caring about anything anymore, Holden seems to have this constant thrive and need of protecting the world. Despite all of his utterly depressed, frustrated, and negative inner monologue, he’s constantly through out the novel, carrying out these little acts of kindness towards children. He helps two boys find a section of the museum, and explains to them what everything means, he helps a girl tie up her skates at the roller rink, and rubs off nasty messages left at schools so that the children don’t read them, and most notably he does anything and everything for his younger sister Phoebe.

Most of the time, he’s left in awe of the world when he interacts with these children, specially with Phoebe, it’s the only moments were he even says he feels happy. He seems to be impressed by children’s minds, and has this urge to protect and help them every time he encounters one, going to great lengths (such as buying a limited expensive album for his sister) in order to make their days better. Then, he hears a child sing the song that brings the name of the novel “the catcher in the rye”, he sings about a body catching another body in the rye,. When later in the novel he wonders about he’d want to do in the future, the song is the only thing that comes to mind. He imagines that he’s in that field, where children are playing near a cliff, and he’s the one that catches them and leads them away from the cliff, he’s the catcher in the rye. To him, this means saving children from losing their innocence as young as he did. It’s the only thing he can imagine himself doing. 

This truly shows that Holden, is in no way some disturbed violent mind, he’s just a 17 year old child, who lost his innocence at a very young age due to traumatic experiences which he’s only now processing, he’s also going through the grief of his brother’s death, which his parents don’t help with, his mother also suffering from depression, and his father always being away as a big shot lawyer. He’s disillusioned with the world and humanity, because most of his life experiences, and contacts with older role models have been very negative, including the one with his older brother whom he once had a good relationship with, but is now a shame to the family due to his work as a prostitute. He’s desperate for the children around him not to suffer the same fate. 

While he may seem utterly disgusted and done with the world, I think that he actually holds a lot of hope in his heart for his sister Phoebe and all the children he meets. Holden’s problem isn’t that he has no hope left, it’s that he has too much of it no matter how hard he tries to repress it. He holds a hope so great for the world, that he can’t help but stay despite his suicidal thoughts. Holden, fantasises about ending his life several times throughout the novel, but then, as soon as he’s even close to getting sick with a cold for example, he becomes extremely anxious, scared and even obsessive, thinking that he’s going to die, which he desperately doesn’t want to do. Even when he is attacked with those suicidal thoughts, which never last long, he’s always immediately reminded of Phoebe, and realises he couldn’t bare her going through grief. 

Holden desperately wants to stay in this world, and he’s constantly looking for reasons to do so, he’s in awe of the purity and innocence of children, and wishes the world would be kinder and better for them. Holden is lonely angry and depressed, which can result in him acting violently in instances, but essentially, he’s desperately trying to improve the world around him, and repeatedly not giving up on it. As he puts it, he never hates anything for long.

Well, this had been my small Holden rant, however do be aware that, I'm writing this approximately 30 minutes after finishing the book, so my ideas aren't completely settled, and given that I haven't looked AT ALL into actual analysis of the novel, I may be way off, and made a fool of myself but oh well. At the end of the day they're almost no wrong answers when it comes to interpretation, and this is how I personally perceived Holden Caulfield.

[nicoleanell]

Another smart post going around reminded me of this thing that's been in my drafts, so you gonna hear some SURPRISE RENFIELD 2023 DEEP THOUGHTS FROM ME. <3

Going back to this post which still does occasional numbers,

I feel some ways about how Robert Montague Renfield is overflowing with empathy for other people despite his own circumstances being a million times more dire. He adopts calling the group's abusers "monsters" despite intimiately knowing an actual genuine monster and arguably being one himself.

Like he could've EASILY taken a look around that support group and been like "boo hoo call me when your literal intestines are coming out of your body", but instead of ever looking down on them or treating it as a competition over who has suffered most, he meets them at the place where they're hurting and absorbs it and connects to his hurt. He recognizes it as part of the same continuum, even when the details don't line up or measure evenly, it's Real and an experience he can imagine or relate to. Which is a good thing for support and/or therapy in a group setting.

Later on he lightly calls Rebecca out for her anger issues, but then after she rants about the source of that anger, his response is an utterly sincere "that sounds painful." INTESTINES. OUT OF HIS BODY. MAYBE 48 HOURS + 1 BAD HAIRCUT AGO. HE HAS JUST SHOWERED OFF THE BLOOD OF THE ONLY FRIENDS AND ALLIES HE HAD. But he winces in sympathy over her corruption and dead dad stuff.

And yes, I also feel a way about how that's a part of his nature that's been either exploited or fully trained into him by Dracula, because we ALSO see that in their interactions - "you deserve better", "I know being undead is a painful existence." Like… the fact he constantly leads off with empathy and validation of other people's feelings and that's the way he diffuses Rebecca's anger in that moment is not NOT linked to his codependency issues and the ways he's been abused. Of course everyone else's pain is not less valid than his, it's more valid actually!! He is more than happy to shut up about his needs and his trauma and declare someone else as the priority and Life's Main Character. The way he's still apologizing compulsively and transferring his submissiveness and fawn behavior to somebody else is very much a thing other people have pointed out, jokingly and sincerely.

But in spite of that, I still think it's ultimately a sign of his kindness and genuine compassion for others. And it doesn't have to be a one-way street.

Rebecca is (pretty understandably!) not as sympathetic to him in that scene as he's being with her, because she's still very freaked out and thought he was an ENTIRELY different type of weirdo than the weirdo he's turned out to be. But. Less than an hour later she is listening with an open mind while he tells her the most bluntly holding-myself-accountable, not-self-pitying version of his story and her takeaway is not only "you're not a bad person", it's specifically: I've done shit that I regret too, and being mean to my sister is on an almost LAUGHABLY smaller scale than anything you just said to me, but the point is I recognized your feelings on a basic humanity level somewhere in there and related to that. Again not a competition, and not about their experiences being perfectly in proportion with each other! It's good.