#and the conservatives were saying 'oh no we're just like straight people! we have to dress and act straight!' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aingeal98 · 4 months

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The part of the Zionists rhetoric I've seen online especially here on tumblr that really... not so much confuses or disturbs me because every part of supporting racism and genocide is disturbing, but the part that makes me nauseous in a very specific way, is how many of these people claim to be leftists. Not the Israeli government or the majority of Zionists obviously, they're proud racist right wingers. But here on tumblr you have people who believe in feminism and queer rights and would agree easily enough with surface level takes on how racism in America is bad. And when it comes to conservatives and red fascists they can easily tell when a right wing racist or homophobe is arguing in bad faith, they can make long posts explaining the harm behind terf rhetoric and how it differs from the actual fight for women's liberation. They can look at the Russia and Ukraine conflict and use critical thinking to call out bad actors with ease.

But then with Israel and Palestine they just... Flip. All the bad faith arguments they criticised before is now their modus operandi. They ignore the ongoing genocide and the Palestinians talking about it and focus on the oppressors, only reblogging the same one or two Palestinian voices once every now and then that say everything they want to hear and nothing more.

I think the most striking example is that "antisemitism bingo" someone made where the ongoing genocide was something to be laughed at and the blog made fun of Palestinian civilians being tortured. And yet when a blocklist went around of people who interacted with that ghoulish blog, clearly explaining why we should avoid them, (Hijt:The racism and dehumanisation of Palestinians) these "leftist zionists" immediately were like "Oh its a block list of Jewish blogs! It's only blocking us because we're Jewish!"

Like it's the most bad faith easily disproven illogical argument that every random 4chan troll can make. It's not my actions it's because I'm white! It's not my homophobic remarks it's because I'm straight!

I still struggle to understand how they're able to flip so easily from intelligent historical and societal discussions of oppression and intersectionality to denial of the Nakba, denial of the apartheid and racism that has ruled the Israeli state since its conception, denial of the Israeli terrorism and colonisation ongoing in the West Bank that Palestinians have been speaking up about for years (The save Sheikh Jarrah campaign and the murder of peaceful Palestinian activists predates October 7th by quite a bit and yet received far, far less coverage by western media) and denial of everything the government and soldiers and many citizens are currently doing to murder as many Palestinians as possible. How do you go from pointing out cult tactics to a Maga style tribalism enthusiast just because it's Palestinians being oppressed and not another group?

The only reason I can think of is that unlike say, white people or straight people, zionists DO have an understandable, real fear that they can use to promote their racist cult. Antisemitism exists worldwide and is a problem in every single country. Unlike ridiculous concepts like "white genocide" or misandry, there is grounded, factual and understandable reasons for Jewish people to want a community where they can feel safe. And anyone who truly cares about equality for all must be committed to stamping out and dismantling antisemitism in every country and neighbourhood, because Zionists sure as hell aren't. The more antisemitism exists the greater their fuel for justifying and promoting Israel as the One True answer to it all.

But the solution of Israel involved ethnic cleansing in order to built their majority Jewish state, and relies on racism and genocide to maintain it. Just like any other coloniser state, it's not sustainabile and is constantly spiralling towards fascism. (America currently contending for loudest spiral) And that is obvious to anyone who reads up on the history or just like. Talks to Palestinians for five seconds. Israel exists due to racism and dehumanisation of Palestinians, and anyone who considers that an acceptable sacrifice is blatantly morally bankrupt. But the tribalism is simply too strong for that sort of logic and understanding, and whatever reasons they may have for falling into Zionism, it's still unacceptable. If you're still on here talking about "demonising Israel and exaggerating genocide (for the woke agenda, is what they're two steps away from saying) then I have no sympathy or time for you. One day you will be forced to reckon with your cognitive dissonance and willful ignorance, and the self righteous racist narrative you cling to will no longer be enough to protect you from judgement. Normal people with their morals screwed on right don't support fascism and racism. Leftists sure as hell shouldn't support facism and racism. (And yes this goes for those who defend Russian and Chinese imperialism too.)

You talk about feeling isolated, about having no one but fellow zionists to rely on. No one else will accept how complicated the situation is, you say over the sound of ten thousand murdered children killed and celebrated by the fascists you're carrying water for. Everyone else is just too antisemitic! You say as the Israeli government and military celebrates Hannukah by bombing Palestinians and joking that they're lighting one of the candles.

I genuinely can't tell if these people are aware they're full of shit or just so scared that they've dived deep into cult mentality with zero critical thought allowed. But either way, there should be no more space for them in our community than a nazi, a homophobe or a Trump supporter. They may have parroted similar ideals of equality and justice for long enough, but when push came to shove and the issues began to hit too close to home, they decided that supporting facism is how they want to cope. So be it. Palestine will be free with or without them and I will mourn the intelligent principled people they could have been, but at the end of the day you have to draw the line somewhere. And supporting genocide is generally a solid line to go with.

#What I've learned in recent months that's quite depressing #Is that many American liberals consider racism an acceptable evil the way they don't consider feminism or homophobia #If Biden adopted and increased Trump's misogynistic policies while being actually good on all the current racist ones #I sincerely doubt that people would be fanatically attacking anyone who criticises him the way they are now #Those that suffer due to both parties racism simply has to suck it up and wait their turn for a good candidate #Vote for the guy who will protect me and people like me even though he's supporting and funding the fascists killing your family #Is not a position I thought liberals would ever be in #And adding “I know it sucks but it's the only way” doesn't actually make it better because OK. So what do you actually propose to help?#Because protesting the current president complicit in the genocide is apparently a no no. Even if you'll vote him over Trump #Idk man all I know is I'm grateful for the people around me with principals and morals who can see everyone as people #And not just those similar enough to them.

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whoreviewswho · 3 months

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Wokeness, Responsibility and if RTD is problematic - Rose Noble and Trans Identities in RTD2

Is Russell T. Davies a problematic figure? Is he too woke or not aware enough? Is he doing something wrong to illicit negative responses from the conservatives as well as the progressives? Is it something in the programme, something in the marketing or is he doing nothing particularly bad at all? Well, perhaps you and I, faithful reader, can come to some sort of conclusion. Let's find out together as we take a dive into the controversial choices behind RTD2 and the mind of the man behind them.

“Homophobia and transphobia happens when it’s something you’ve never seen before. You can temper that reaction and change it when you introduce these images to people happily and normally and calmly when they’re young. Then it just becomes normal.” - Russell T Davies, Doctor Who: Unleashed

Yasmin Finney, in the role of Rose Noble, was the cover star of Doctor Who Magazine #591. She became the first trans woman to feature on the front of the magazine, six months before she made her on-screen debut in The Star Beast. The anticipation and mystique regarding Finney's role had been building for some time – twelve months, in fact, since her announcement in May 2022 and the teasing reveal of her character's name. Below her, on the retail version of the magazine, read the text; "RUSSELL T DAVIES ON CASTING ROSE". Indeed, such comments from RTD could be found inside as part of a larger article discussing LGBTQ+ characters from Doctor Who's history. Regarding Rose, RTD wrote the following words;

"We're looking for good actors. That's the most fundamental line. Good acting, gay, straight, in between, whatever, the actor we choose has to be good. That's the only thing that matters. I find myself at the heart of a web - of my own making, okay! - discussing the rights and wrongs of casting, especially when it comes to LGBTQ+ roles. And it's an evolving thing. My stance changes over the years, as I learn more and more. My opinions change, like they're meant to. When I express a preference for casting gay actors in gay roles, some critic will hold up Queer as Folk from 1999 and say, but you cast straight men in that! Yes, I say, and I owe them everything; their bravery allowed me to move forwards, but more significantly, that was 24 years ago. Do you still think the same as 24 years ago? And then they stick their dummies back in their mouths and I think, oh, you do. The joy of casting like this, is in making my own experience richer, and I hope the viewers' too. That's what's brilliant about working with Yasmin Finney - through contact with her, I've witnessed her ideals, her politics, her family, her fights, her triumphs, her life in this world. A life I might never have known. It's a journey and a joy. I love it, and I hope I can do more, more, more."

There is an important moment of self-reflection to be noted here – a direct acknowledgement from RTD that his values, attitudes and opinions in representing the LGBTQ+ is an evolving one. I am inclined to agree with this too. I am not wasting my time attempting to hold the RTD of a quarter of a century ago to the social standards of today. To hold any work or writer up in such a way is, in my opinion, a dangerous and flawed practice that necessitates a form of selective critical thinking to even be viable. Art does not exist in a vacuum and to divorce it of any cultural context is an ignorant and problematic way in which to engage with it. That does not mean you have to like that work or artist. I am not insisting upon you to approve of work that is produced from deeply offensive, ignorant and insensitive places simply because they were made in the past. I am merely agreeing with the school of thought presented by RTD that the individual's and society's moral compasses are constantly evolving beasts and that evolution is reflective in the art that comes out of them. This here is really the thesis of this whole series of articles. Feel free to turn away at this point if you find yourself disagreeing. If you're looking for somebody to validate your feelings that art which you disagree with in some respect is inherently bad, please go and virtue-signal somewhere else.

Today's entry will chronicle the overall handling and reaction to the first openly trans character in televised Doctor Who and how these things are situated in the socio-political climate of 2023. Before we go any further, though, I would like to directly acknowledge a fact that you will likely have noticed which is that these writings are devoting comparatively little space to repeating the views of the 'anti-woke' crowd. This is due to the fact that this crowd offers next to nothing of value to say with any potentially valid criticisms about Rose's characterisation and Finney's performance being, at best, drowned out or, at worst, entirely non-existent. This leaves me with very little to say beyond acknowledging that these people exist and that they are hateful, transphobic bigots and should save a lot of embarrassment embracing their true identity of being fucking morons. What we will do, inevitably, is turn back to the progressive complaints because they are far more interesting to consider than the inane 'You ruined Doctor Who' crowd and much more important.

But this is all still to come. Let's just take a moment to briefly contextualise queerness in Doctor Who as best we can without making that the whole article. Prior to 2005, Doctor Who was an incredibly gay programme. There was no question of it having a mainstream popularity and strong cultural presence throughout the 1960s and 1970s but following its sixteen years sabbatical from a regular television presence, the cult fanbase that remained primarily consisted of queer men*. Queerness in the original run of the show was always a matter of subtext. Indeed, a number of key creators across the show's history were queer identifying including the programme's first director Waris Hussein, writer/director Peter Grimwade and producer John Nathan-Turner. Jordan Shortman has written a terrific article titled A Look at LGBTQI+ Representation in Doctor Who which I strongly encourage you seek out. The article is wonderfully easy to read and excellently acknowledges and explains the relationship between the LGBTQI+ community and Doctor Who. I'll make sure to link it at the bottom of this post.

One of the key examples that Shortman cites is the nature of the Doctor as a character; "From the second televised story, there is a strong sense of justice about the Doctor, doing what’s right; treating all life in the universe with respect has been a large part of the Doctor’s character as well as a driving force for the show, even in times when LGBTQI+ themes couldn’t be included". The suggested asexual nature of the Doctor is also notable for their appeal as a queer icon. Other characters with a strong queer subtext include the companions Turlough and Ace, the latter of which has been confirmed to have a deliberate lesbian subtext in at least one of her serials. Coupled with the decidedly camp nature of the show's production, especially in the 1980s, it is not hard to pinpoint examples of where the show's queer fandom might have been accrued.

Shortman's article crosses the wilderness years and into the revival where one such queer fan, RTD, took over the reigns and ensured that that representation was no longer subtextual. His first series gave us an unabashedly pansexual companion with Captain Jack Harkness, portrayed by an openly gay man in John Barrowman. Jack and the Doctor shared the first ever same-sex kiss in the programme before the character left the show full-time to head up the spin-off series Torchwood where his relationship with Ianto Jones became a defining element of the show's fandom. Obviously we shall return to RTD himself but queer Doctor Who did not end with his initial departure. Steven Moffat, a cis straight man, introduced a similarly roguish, queer icon with part-time companion River Song and recurring allies Madame Vastra and her wife Jenny. Moffat also introduced the show's first openly queer female identifying companions with bisexual Clara Oswald and lesbian Bill Potts. Somewhat more divisive was Chris Chibnall's, also a straight cis man, presentation of a tragic romance between the Doctor and her bisexual companion Yaz.

This brings us to 2023 and the debut of Rose on the 25th of November that year. In DWM #597, RTD and Finney discussed the character in Doctor Who with RTD's opening remarks being;

"You know me, I'm going to make my stuff as modern and as progressive as it can be [and] I thought it was joyous, to get a trans character in there. I thought that'd be a lovely 2023 thing to do. A blast of 2023! It makes you better, makes life richer, and makes the viewing experience better."

Rose’s first scene is, in fact, the first scene of The Star Beast (discounting the expository prologue) and it plays as well as one would hope. We glean something of her character, her interests and interests and her relationship with Donna. I feel obliged to mention that the lowest possible bar is met regarding representation in that the Doctor, our audience surrogate in this scene, does not deride, question or shame her in any way whatsoever. What caused some amount of uproar came in the character’s second scene which takes place outside the family home. Donna and Rose are walking back to the house together and a group of young boys ride past and recognise Rose. The group of them harass her, calling out the following;

LAD: Oi, Jason, you all right? LAD 2: Looking good, Jason! LAD: Give us a kiss, Jay Boy!

Donna responds furiously, later explicitly reaffirming her support and love for her daughter, prompting Rose's exhausted response; "Just leave it". In regards to this scene, Finney detailed in DWM that Russell's scripts "definitely, definitely don't sugarcoat" the trans experience – 'Rose gets some stick from kids at school - when she and Donna are walking home, boys shout some stuff - and that's a part of being trans, especially in high school," She goes on to clarify; "Well, not just in high school. It's the stick we get from everybody. People see an opportunity and take it and love to degrade and embarrass us. But Donna's having none of it, and neither is Rose. I'm proud of that. That's such great writing. And I love the fact that, with both Rose and Elle, it's not like being trans is all there is. There's so much more to Rose than being trans".

Finney revealed even more about the scene in the corresponding episode of Doctor Who: Unleashed; “It did kinda bring back some PTSD for me. Sadly, my high school experience was a lot of bullying and a lot of defending myself and having to put on a brave face”. In the same episode, RTD commented; “Those boys on bikes are watching Doctor Who. So I hope they’ll watch it and think ‘Oh, maybe I shouldn’t do that. Maybe that’s wrong.’ It’s true, that’s part of our audience”. Notably, elsewhere in the same interview, RTD (before disclaiming a trigger warning) refers to Rose by her deadname and specifies that that choice was made because of an etymological link to the Greek word for 'healer'. He defended the decision to include the scene further in The Official Doctor Who Podcast; “To get that across and to get the prejudice that’s being shown towards Rose by those bullies and thugs in the street, we actually have to have a scene of deadnaming. Is that a good thing to do? Is that a wise thing to do? Is that a difficult thing to do? I personally think we should stare into difficult stuff like this, but equally, what a nice easy life I’ve got, and I’m ready to be told otherwise.”

An important thing to understand about RTD as a queer storyteller is his relationship with trauma. When he was eighteen, the world saw the first diagnosis of HIV/AIDS. There is a reason why It's a Sin depicted the brutality and horror of the UK AIDS Crisis with such a palpable sense of tragedy and bitterness. The queer experiences that RTD had when he was at his most impressionable were overwhelmingly loaded with hatred, bigotry, neglect, shame, fear and death. When RTD reinvented the Doctor in 2005, he depicted him as a "lonely god"; somebody who feels like the last man standing after his people are gone, alone in the universe. When it came to Torchwood: Children of Earth, this queer trauma was depicted further when Ianto is killed by a virus leaving Jack to carry on without him. Throughout RTD's career, his representation of queer characters and the queer experience has been informed by tragedy and trauma which he makes no less apparent in his writing of Rose. This begs the question – does this depiction being realistic preclude it from being poor or unnecessary? Would it have been just as strong a choice to simply write a strong character, one who is not bullied or belittled, and they just happen to be trans? This is an opinion that somebody voiced to me in real life after the special aired, a queer man who expressed exhaustion and disappointment with high profile queer representation offering traumatic experiences and defining its characters primarily by their queerness.

Following a scene with Rose's grandmother where she slips on her pronouns ("When I say she looks gorgeous, is that right? I mean, is it sexist? Never said it to him when he was... Oh. Oh, sorry"), Rose befriends The Meep and thinks she forges a connection due to their both feeling isolated and "from another planet". Another suggestion of queer trauma. As the story goes on, Rose becomes the crux of a big reveal which is that the Time Lord brain, the Doctor's brain, that was inherited by Donna in Journey's End passed down into Rose when she was born. It is at this point that the representation becomes... muddled.

When the Doctor reverts Donna's conditioning, one of the trigger words is "binary". At this moment, it is revealed that Rose speaks a different word - "Non-binary". This leads to the following explanation;

DOCTOR: We're binary. DONNA: She's not, because the Doctor's... DOCTOR: ..male... DONNA: ..and female. ROSE: And neither. And more.

There a number of things potentially going on here that are of note. The first is that ongoing queer trauma subtext in RTD's work and this story's suggestion that that is a shared burden. This seems to be a realisation that has evolved in Davies' work over time. It's a Sin, for all its harrowing realism, makes a point of depicting community and friendship as intrinsic to the queer experience. The trauma is still there but it is a shared experience. The three specials RTD wrote from The Star Beast to The Giggle present a new arc for the Doctor which includes his making peace with not needing to be alone. As Donna suggests, in a rather meta-fictional line; "[Y]ou've been given a second chance. You can do things different this time. So why don't you do something completely new, and have some friends?" This theme can be extended to Rose as one of three characters who bears the load of the Doctor's experiences. The Doctor used to carry the weight of his trauma on his shoulders, now he has an opportunity to change and realise that others can take on those burdens with him. Perhaps this might have been what RTD was going for with his use of the term 'non-binary' – Rose saves Donna's life by freeing her from the limitations of binary thinking. It was assumed that she would either embrace her true self and die or live a slightly unhappy life with years of built up repression. Via Rose, we come to realise that there are not only two options.

To my understanding, the problem with this scene insofar as representation is largely rooted in the terminology and potentially an enormous misunderstanding from RTD. As presented, RTD seems to use the term 'non-binary' interchangeably with 'trans'. This is a complicated subject to get into but, so far as I understand it, the two terms are not generally accepted as synonymous. In contemporary queer culture, 'non-binary' is employed as an umbrella term for any identity that sits outside the accepted gender binary (male or female). For example, an individual assigned female at birth who identifies as agender, genderless. Transgender is also an umbrella term and it refers to an individual whose gender identity does not correspond to the one which they were assigned at birth. For example, an individual assigned male at birth who identifies as a woman. If these above definitions are to be taken as wrote, this would suggest that non-binary people may be transgender but not all transgender people are non-binary. These are not strict definitions, of course, but an attempt to better clarify and explain how RTD's use of terminology in The Star Beast is flawed.

This all could have worked better with some very minor changes. As written, it is plausible to infer that RTD's understanding of gender theory has some basis in academia, specifically in the views and opinions of activists and theorists of a closer generation to his. Based on how it is presented in The Star Beast, it would not be unreasonable to conclude that RTD considers the forging of a trans identity as an inherent rejection of the social constructs that are firmly entrenched in our post-colonial lives. Indeed, in Doctor Who: Unleashed, he explicitly remarked that; “It becomes a vital part of the plot that Rose contains the ‘he’ and the ‘she’ and the neither and the both, and that’s a new future. Rose goes beyond words, beyond definitions.”

An example of this relationship with gender can be found from feminist activist Gloria Steinem in a 2015 article for Advocate titled 'Op-ed: On Working Together Over Time' suggested that western society is shifting "away from only the binary boxes of “masculine” or “feminine” and begin[ning] to live along the full human continuum of identity and expression". Prolific gender theorist Judith Butler has expressed agreement with this opinion and offered her own definition of gender as a performative act from the individual rather than a natural reality. To quote BigThink's 2023 article 'Berkeley philosopher Judith Butler’s theory of gender for the 21st century'; "Gender only exists to the extent that it is performed, meaning it is both fluid and capable of evolving beyond history and tradition... It would be a mistake to come up with a single definition of what a woman is. It would be parochial. It would be coming from a very specific perspective. It would be freezing a time and place into a definition and then imposing it on the rest of the world”.

There is nothing inherently problematic or inappropriate about RTD's choice to depict a non-binary character. The problems lie solely in the fact that he did not do this for the larger part of the story's runtime. While Rose never explicitly describes her gender identity or her preferred pronouns, it is strongly suggested throughout The Star Beast that she is female identifying; her family only refer to her with she/her pronouns and repeatedly denote her as their daughter. Instead, the text repeatedly suggests that Rose's identity exists on the established gender binary of male/female making the choice ending a muddled and awkward pill to swallow.

A fan theory that emerged in the wake of this scene was that Rose's trans identity stemmed from her having two people inside of her – the one she was born as and the one she identifies as. I hate this theory and I think that it is quite a transphobic reading of what happens here. There is no need to create a convoluted sci-fi reason for trans people to exist because trans people do exist. If cis people have a hard time comprehending the idea that somebody's assigned gender is not a label that they comfortably align and identify with, then I see no reason to make that reality something that can be hand waved away. Suggesting that transness is because of an alien presence in somebody's brain is not something that I can get behind and the problem is that that read is entirely plausible. Intentionally or otherwise, RTD has written in an 'out' for transphobes to justify and rationalise the character's existence in their own minds. And I very much dislike that.

RTD's trans representation in The Star Beast lead to a mixed reception within the fandom. As fan Emily, @emilyXCVI, remarked on Twitter, "[RTD] absolutely nails it in the first half, Donna & Sylvia’s talk in the kitchen was brilliant. But then the “nonbinary” thing and implying that Rose is trans because of the meta crisis…not so much. I appreciate the sentiment but it could have been framed a lot better". The positive points of praise frequently arose as acclaim for RTD's decision to depict a trans character in such a positive role in a high-profile, BBC programme. As Dr Emily Garside, @EmiGarside, proclaimed; "Russell T Davies truly stood up and said Trans people are beautiful and we love to see it. (The Doctor doesn’t stand for transphobes and neither does the Whoniverse)". Fio Trethewey, @FioTrethewey, was another voice in the fandom that was resoundingly positive; "#DoctorWho was so great last night, a fun romp and well made. Most of all I was so happy to see Donna respect her trans daughter, and help her mother when she was clumsy with the details, just all the good representation. In times we live in right now it’s what we need to see "

The detractors were, however, equally as vocal with many pointing to RTD's comments surrounding the deadnaming scene as problematic. As JaeWrites, @jae_writes_, expressed; “RTD: ‘I didn't want to give transphobes any more ammo by putting David in 13's outfit.’ Also RTD: ‘So I'm just gonna deadname my trans character, make that deadname important to the story, repeat that deadname in interviews, and heavily imply that being trans is a choice.’” Some fans were critical of the choice to share Rose’s deadname in any context, concerned that the detail would only offer ammunition for transphobic fans to be disrespectful to the character when discussing her (this did happen). The harsher critics even compared the depiction to RTD’s earlier character of Lady Cassandra O’Brien from 2005’s The End of the World. The real first openly trans character in televised Doctor Who. The hysterical, vain, arrogant aristocrat was the primary villain of two stories in RTD's original run and was primarily depicted as a large, flat piece of skin in a metal frame. The character claimed to have had more than 700 different cosmetic surgeries. Cassandra mentions that she was born a boy in a throwaway line in her debut story which was intended to play as transphobic comedy. Cassandra blatantly played into the 'deranged transsexual killer' trope and is seemingly killed on-screen at the end of both stories she appears in.

Following The Star Beast's broadcast, RTD appeared on The Official Doctor Who Podcast. The show is hosted by a diverse trio of fans, one of which is Juno Dawson, a trans woman. Dawson first became involved with Doctor Who in a professional capacity in 2017 but made her most high-profile contribution to the franchise to date in 2022 as the lead writer on the first series of Doctor Who: Redacted for BBC Sounds. The ten episode series featured Jodie Whittaker and a host of alumni returning to reprise their roles alongside original character Cleo, a young trans woman. The series was renewed for a second season which aired in 2023, now attracted to the RTD2 version of the programme, but Dawson was replaced as lead writer by prolific Who writer James Goss, a cis man. In the podcast, Dawson praised RTD's writing, especially the deadnaming scene; "There is no point in trying to sugar the pill. Trans people face transphobia". As some fans have been quick to point out, it remains unconfirmed whether Dawson or anybody else close to the production was consulted about their experiences as a trans person during pre-pre-production. As of the time of writing, neither Dawson nor any other trans identifying person has been confirmed in any creative role for seasons one or two.

Two days after The Star Beast aired, the highly publicised trial of Scarlett Jenkinson and Eddie Ratcliffe commenced. Earlier that year, the pair were arrested on suspicion of murder of 16-year-old Brianna Ghey. The murder and subsequent trial generated much discussion and attention in the UK press drawing greater attention to the lives of transgender youth in Britain than ever before. In the midst of this event was Doctor Who, as written by a cis gay man, depicting a trans woman in the UK in 2023. Following the broadcast of The Star Beast, the BBC received 144 complaints about its choice to depict a trans character to which the corporation responded; “As regular viewers of Doctor Who will be aware, the show has and will always continue to proudly celebrate diversity and reflect the world we live in. We are always mindful of the content within our episodes.” In 2023, its 60th year since initial broadcast, RTD ensured that Doctor Who, remained connected to the cultural conversation of the UK and its wider world.

But does that necessarily mean that he did it very well?

To be continued in part three; The First Black Doctor and the Meaning of Mavity

*See one of RTD's greatest ever in-jokes in Rose when our titular heroine meets up with Clive to talk about the Doctor and his wife remarks; "She? She's read a website about the Doctor? She's a she?"

A Look at LGBTQI+ Representation in Doctor Who - https://thedoctorwhocompanion.com/2023/06/01/a-look-at-lgbtqi-representation-in-doctor-who/

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mrschwartz · 11 months

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Mojo dojo casa house?

hogging this ask to share my opinions on the barbie film which i had promised i'd do!

i only watched it once so obv i'm gonna catch a lot more in subsequent viewings and might even change my opinion on some things but

at first view what impressed me the most were the production and costume designs! the barbieland set and the barbies' outfits are really impressive and fucking awesome, they helped a lot in the immersive nature of the film and to sell the premise. the commitment to the rules of the doll universe was fucking stellar, the walking on tiptoes, her floating down to the car, there not being any actual liquids or food

and like okay. the plot. phewwwwwww. it's metamodern and i get it, and while it certainly was Extremely self-aware it often seemed like said self-awareness was being actualized by someone with a very specific, not necessarily privileged but oftentimes limited, worldview. for example, america ferrera's speech was great but didn't it feel like feminism 101? i thought the film was going to commit to some more radicalized notions, i guess lmao

but i don't want to judge it based on my expectations, let me judge it for what it is! something that i have to give it credit for is the critic given to barbie dolls themselves, especially the ones from sasha (maybe it's bc i'm zillenial so i've been her lol). i wasn't expecting the film to open that discussion and that gave it a turning point that i think was much needed. what i will say is that i think too much importance was given to the historical significance of barbies lol ("you set feminism back 50 years you fascist!") but i think that's a given since the movie was produced by mattel iself

i would love to analyze this film for what it is and not mostly for the message it's trying to send (bc i'm The Biggest believer that stories don't have to have a moral lesson, and in fact are probably better when they don't tbh) but it truly only works when you take into account the discussion it's trying to sparkle. and good for it! it did its job, people are fucking talking about it lmao. we're in a weird cultural moment where people like me think the film would've benefitted from being more radical (by GOD not in a terf sense, terfs can die and burn lmao, but in a let's free the nipple and grow our body hair and raise boys and girls the same way sense) but conservative people think it IS radical for supposedly sending the message that women should hate men (???)

on that note. i'm Definitely not siding with the conservatives here (my god please god Definitely not) but the film kept hammering on the fact that we should fight the patriarchy (and i've seen people saying that you're missing the point if you don't realize that the film is us vs patriarchy and not women vs men) but i think that's giving too much credit to the film vnfjvnfjv like i said, it's feminism 101, so in the end the barbies still take back barbieland, no? they go back to the beginning of the film, this idyllic world where one gender rules all and occupies all of the space. and like I GET IT, it's a comment on how the opposite is what happens in our world, i'm not stupid lol. i'm just angry that the dichotomy IS there, is all i'm saying. the film criticizes the things women are associated with and the expecations we have to live with, but also plays straight into it when this world governed by women is all pink and glamourous and perfect lmao does my critic make sense? that particular message of the film feels very girl power 2014 tumblr core

speaking of which, anyone else not happy at all with the capitalist recuperation this film brought about? "let girls dress in pink and wear barbie merch to this blockbuster multimillion dollar movie!! this is our moment, if men can cosplay to watch mcu films then the girls can have this one!!" oh honey. "movies for girls" and "movies for men" much? there goes the polarization again. AND the commodification of something that Should be counterculture. thanks for contributing to both <3

all of this not to say that i didn't like the movie! i did it was great i laughed a lot! sometimes its self-awareness bothered me for how "biased" it was but most of the time the film really benefitted from it in its comedy! depression barbie made me HOWL lmao, and the kens serenating the barbies with an acoustic guitar gave me war flashbacks bc literally what woman hasn't been there, stuff like that

and. it did make me cry lol. the final scene when barbie is talking to ruth handler and finally understands what it's like to be human and more specifically a human woman really touched me bc it was a commentary on the personal. it wasn't getting at broad social subjects, it was all about internal conflict and acceptance. reminded me of the epiphany scene from soul and the parking lot scene from everything everywhere all at once. i feel like metamodern films rely a lot on these self-referential and social commentaries, but are also slowly walking towards looking inwards a lot, and that means so much to me. the examples i've observed so far in cinema are fucking beautiful, i hope it's here to stay

#like in the end it's a comedy supposed to sparkle conversation and it's doing just that so like who am i lol. but i do have 2 cents!#ask #anonymous #barbie

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jinxxedmisery · 1 year

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I just wanted to come here and say, I'm sorry I haven't been active lately.

I haven't gotten around to requests in like months.. thankfully only one is in my inbox right now.

I also haven't been doing a lot of art.. things have happened which I will vent about... because my therapy appointment is over a month away and where else can I vent if not tumblr..

Tw mental health stuff, general health stuff, transphobia, relationship drama.

So happy Pride Month... it's nearly over, I know.. but oh well. Like a lot of people are saying, this pride month feels different.. less safe.. I came out as nonbinary to my family last year and started socially transitioning and I have known I was pansexual since 14.... so this stuff kinda hits hard.,

Even being in Canada it's scary seeing all this hate.. it's not as bad here.. but haha.. I happen to live in Alberta.. half the population here is homophobic, godfearing, truckers, cowboys, and farmers.... so I feel a sense of danger every time I'm open about it..

I went to a parade in my town.. we have a yearly event in June.. it's not pride.. but I kinda treat it as a form of pride.. I wore my pronoun pin badge I bought shortly after I came out. One of the town four churches has a Vacation Bible School program and a woman who is a pastor's wife always every year comes up to me and tells me she wants me to volunteer to help them out and kinda forces me to take an info packet....

Yeah.. this year she looked directly at my pin badge and talked to my parents instead basically pretending I didn't exist which was kinda funny and a huge relief.. hope this stops her from bothering me In the future... I did notice a few people look at it as well and like body block their child... which was so stupid.. istg conservatives think we're the boogeyman or some shit. Also kept getting misgendered... some lady who knew me from my childhood says "oh you've grown into such a beautiful young lady" and I straight up felt ill..

Anyway.. during that event my mother had a medical emergency.. she had a mini stroke.. my mom was very confused wasn't aware of her surroundings.. she's normally super resistant to going to the hospital and will fight you.. but she was so confused she got up, got her shoes on and got into the car and walked into the hospital without a fight...later she nearly punched me in the face while we were trying to hold her down so the nurses could get an IV in.. (they don't have daytime security at the local hospital and they don't have restraints) she said she doesn't remember any of it..,

As for my relationship.. I still have a boyfriend.. he's been pretty busy with work though.. his boss moved him to a super inconvenient schedule 3pm to 9pm.. every single day, no days off..

He's also had so much trouble with his car that it's not even funny. It's all been the coolant.. he thinks he's fixed it though so.. I'm hoping that won't be an issue as much.

So it's been hard for us (especially me.., because.. like my last relationship ended shortly after my ex couldn't make it out to see me.., he did finally admit it was excuses so.. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was afraid of that happening again) but we're enduring it.. he's a sweetheart and has been making time to talk to me after work almost every night until he gets too tired to continue..

It helps a lot.. he makes me feel wanted and he is trying his best to make it work so we can see eachother in person 😊he'll be coming out tomorrow morning and staying until 1pm.. we only get 2 hrs together but it's fine.. any amount of time with him that I get is worth it.

I promised him one day if he's able to visit for longer we'll watch Heathers: The Musical and get slushies... mountain dew, cherry or lime flavored ofc (iykyk) he's into that idea thankfully lol..

it's a requirement that everyone in my life watches Heathers at least once... I've seen it so many times I could almost recite the entire thing... 🤭

But that's all for now, when I get the motivation I will write requests!

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backmaskedliedermacher · 1 year

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Gatekeeping

When I was young, one of the main reasons I didn't transition was due to what trans women now often call "gatekeeping". You couldn't just say, in those days, "Hi, I am a trans woman, I would like a estrogen", like I wound up doing in 2019. You had to prove to people that you were really who you said you were, not just once, but over and over again. You couldn't just wear jeans. You couldn't go a couple of days without shaving. You couldn't just not want to have risky, invasive surgery. You couldn't be attracted to women. There were all these things we had to do in order to satisfy men's standards.

It was stupid and it was fucked up and when I was able to transition, it was because I didn't have to meet those bullshit standards anymore. I can wear jeans and be a dyke and not have surgery and not shave every day and still be a woman, and I love it. I love being a woman. I am what you might call your average gender enjoyer.

I look back, now, at the land where I used to live, the land of Cis Men, and it confuses me. I don't see a lot of average gender enjoyers. And I want to be respectful, I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes I really feel like asking some of them "Bro, do you even enjoy being a man?"

Part of this is, well, selection bias, I think. See, trans women who are into guys, there's this problem we keep running into when we date cis men. We'll find this cute guy, we're into him, he's into us, we start going out, and then one day they come to us anguished and say "I think I might be a girl".

I don't really want to even talk about this, because first off, it's breaking kayfabe, there's this really really strong principle we have that when we're dealing with cis people, we go out of our way to avoid saying or doing anything to suggest that they might be anything other than cis. Not really because if we do, people will accuse of "grooming". People are gonna do that in any event, it's straight out DARVO. The conservatives and religious folks accuse us of the things they're doing to try and distract people, and I guess a lot of the time it works.

Nah, the reason I avoid doing this so much is because it doesn't work. People gotta figure this shit out for themselves, and when someone's repressing, a lot of times they're hypervigilant, they push back hard against any suggestion that they might not be who they're presenting themselves as. I know I was that way, in the Before Time. I built up all these defenses against questioning, against doing things that on a rational level are… honestly pretty innocuous. I mean, seriously, God forbid somebody wear a skirt in public. You know?

On top of that… Most cis guys already have this fucked up prejudice about not dating us. It's founded in nothing. Cis guys don't know we're trans and it's fine. That's why they're so afraid of finding out, because it is fine. Not telling them we're trans isn't "tricking" them, we're just not giving the opportunity to make a big fucking deal about something that isn't, in fact, a big fucking deal. Which some Totally OK men respond to by making a big show of talking about how they'd kill us if they ever found out we were trans. Because that's not some fucked up bullshit or anything.

Anyway, if cis guys find out that most of the guys who date us aren't, in fact, cis guys, God, none of them will ever fucking date us. They'll be like "oh my god it's CONTAGIOUS, if I date a woman and she turns out to be trans THAT MEANS I'M TRANS!!!!!" Like, uh, no, congratulations, you got your causation entirely backwards. Good job completely fucking missing the point.

So anyway, yeah, my sample is pretty clearly biased, cis men exist, I get suspicious of things I really shouldn't, and yet… I don't feel like the only people who gatekept my gender presentation were the transmed doctors. I look at what's expected of cis men and they are so fucking gatekept. I mean, no wonder so many of them look so miserable. No wonder so few of them seem to be Average Gender Enjoyers. What, honestly, are they allowed to enjoy?

And again, it's this whole self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to be against Toxic Masculinity, I say "Wearing a skirt doesn't make you a trans woman", I put on a skirt to prove it… well, shit. That didn't work out like I expected. I mean the stigma against defying the gatekeepers is so strong that the only people who will do it, it feels like, are people like me, people for whom the decision was pretty much Transition Or Death. Oh, you know what? I think I will have the cake after all, Suzy, it looks lovely.

Like maybe we should set the bar a little lower? Maybe people shouldn't have to agonize for years and feel like they're going against the Natural Order of God And Man to put on a goddamn dress? Yeah, I know, I'm really corrupting the fucking morals of the youth of Athens, daring to suggest such a thing. But maybe, just maybe, if it was normal for boys to wear dresses to school, not everybody who wore a dress would feel like they had to transition.

Or I guess the other alternative is that there's no such thing as cis men, and that if you let men wear dresses, we're all going to start taking hormones and transition and the human race will die out. Frankly I'd find that to be a preferable alternative, at this point. I'm just sick and tired of looking at these pathetic, sad-eyed men trying to convince themselves they're "alpha males" and blaming us when we don't fall for some pathetic sham foisted on them by some asshole guy who's out there trying to rip them off.

You know, man, woman, non-binary, agender, what-the-fuck-ever, I don't care, but if you're going to be something, for God's sake, at least try to enjoy it. Because if you're not enjoying it, why the fuck are you doing it at all?

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guesswewillfindout · 2 years

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So everybody talks about how you should join a club or a Meetup or a charity to make friends as an adult. And yes, you are more likely to make friends the more time you spend with people. But I live in the middle of nowhere.

The things I'm really interested in don't have clubs around me. The closest good-sized town with actual stores to me is a half hour away by car. The other towns are just strips of houses, a dollar general and maybe a gas station. The good-sized town doesn't really have art programs or crafting clubs or even any charities I'm interested in. And I know because I subscribed to volunteer match and I went to the library (which I can't join because I don't live close enough and they rejected me). But anyways the library doesn't have clubs there. Not good ones.

A few years ago, before the pandemic, I took a sculpting class over an hour away. It ended up that I missed sessions because it was winter and snow. Also, I almost died several times from the idiots on the highway going through that city. People regularly try to run me off the road. I wish I were kidding. It happens like 5x a year. It's also hard for me to drive that far once a week, after work in the dark on icy roads because I have psoriatic arthritis.

During the summer, I do a lot of gardening. There's no club for that. Since I already live in a rural area, there's no community garden.

I also feel like most people around me aren't interested in being friends anyway. They don't read books and I don't follow sports. Any sports. I'm not interested in watching someone play a game, unless it's a puzzle or trivia. I like playing some sports, mostly badminton, volleyball, and archery. I like hiking and kayaking and canoeing. But we can't talk about football or basketball or soccer or baseball because I have absolutely nothing to say about it. I didn't watch the game. In all fairness, you didn't read the book I read and you aren't interested in the story. We're even.

Also, I live in a conservative area and I'm bi. Oh, let me clarify, bi in a relationship with a female. Nobody gets my relationship. There are some lesbians at work but I'm not a lesbian and I'm not about to get caught up in the lesbian drama. The straight people just can't with me and I hate hearing how they treat their SOs.

The point is I'm alone here and I probably need to move to make friends. I'd probably have better luck making friends if I lived in a big city. But I can't stand cities. There are no stars and thus no dreams or easy breathing. I lived in one for a few years but I was too sick at that time to worry about making friends. I just need to be out of this area, still in the country but a bit closer to the city or a better suburb.

#lonelier version of you #i need friends #autoimmune #friendship #rural communities #rural living

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marcodiazisatransgirl · 2 years

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"pedophilia is a harmless fantasy" please get help you were groomed

1) by whom?

2) paedophilia is not a harmless fantasy. What people on the internet call paedophilia is 90% of the time, not actual paedophilia.

Here's some things: when you call someone a paedophile on the internet nowadays, you're trying to get a reaction. It's big scary buzzword that can't get argued against. It no longer means anything to be called a paedophile, because the word has lost meaning. There's actually a study somewhere which looks at tumblrs use of the word paedophile, you should look it up.

So the pro-censorship gang (whose morals seem to align perfectly with evangelical conservative christians), tosses around words like paedophilia and grooming such those words lose meaning, and suddenly real paedophiles, actual predators who actually prey on children--rather than, idk people who ship a 16 yo and an 18yo--slip through the cracks. The mud is being slung so wildly that when it actually hits a predator, a groomer, people don't notice. And when someone is actually being groomed, they've heard that word tossed at, say, an adult in fandom space who is clearly absolutely fine, and scoff.

So that's part a of this post - on to part b.

In 2016, Australia held a plebiscite, to see whether the country was overall in favour of gay marriage.

At the time, my grandmother, who knows that I'm queer, and who has always accepted me, and who has been atheist her entire life, fell victim to a conservative propaganda campaign. This campaign, designed by conservative christians, announced that if the Gays were allowed to get married, it was tantamount to legalising paedophilia. My grandmother told me to my face that she would be voting against gay marriage, because next they would legalise paedophilia.

Paedophilia as a reactionist is buzzword, has always been used against queer people. Gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt, because they're perverts, and therefore related to paedophiles. Queer people shouldn't be allowed near their own children, near their nephews and neices, near their cousins and younger siblings. Because they are disgusting and perverted and basically paedophiles.

About 15 years ago, before ao3, there were very few safe spaces for gay fandom on the internet. I remember when any sort of mlm or wlw ship was considered M rated, simply by the fact of its existence. When gay people and ships were banned from fandom spaces because they were "disrespectful" and "disgusting". They still think trans headcanons and theories are these things, though not to the same extent, thankfully. It wasn't that long ago, because I am not ancient.

And here's another thing - the majority of fandom is straight. We see queerness because we exist in queer spaces, because we're lucky, and despite pressure from advertisers, tumblr has always been queer-friendly. But it's the absolute truth that the majority of fandom is cishet. There are studies about that too, look it up.

So how long before queers are the ones attacked again? How long before our shaky first steps into being morally ok is swept away by purity culture which, again, seems to have similar values to evangelical conservative christians. How long before you're called a paedophile for headcanoning a character as queer - because I can tell you it's already happening. It's just not overt yet.

How long until it's considered perverted just to think about the sexuality of a character, disgusting just to ship two men, or two women. How long until someone comes onto this blog and tells me I'm a pedophile for theorising a character who is a minor is trans. Oh wait - that's already happened. Multiple times.

And here's the thing - it's no going to be this sudden, ham-fisted swing to hate. If you lived it first hand you know these old moderators always proclaimed they "weren't homophobic". They just believed queer culture had its "place".

So no, I don't believe paedophilia is harmless. But the conversation has never really been about paedophilia.

#fandom discourse #shipping discourse #people #not trans marco #discourse

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beepboop358 · 3 years

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A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

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all-about-seggs · 3 years

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┗ Love- Lies- Bleeding

Pairing - Geto Suguru x Virgin!reader

Word count- 4.8 K

Warnings - Gaslighting, Corruption kink, snuff (not graphically depicted) and then reincarnation, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, adding blasphemy kink just to be safe.

A/n- Geto isn't a yandere here but it's Villan! Geto we're talking about so I think his actions are pretty in line with his current canon! Personality. Though a bit delusional. This is by FAR the longest thing I've ever written.

The gray cobblestones stretching across the shrine clicked against your thick wodden sandles, the quaintness of the place only making it seem unnaturally loud. It's was a regular autumn morning, which soon turned into noon as you felt the bright sun shining right on top of your head.

Having finished your morning tasks you were returning to the main shrine where the senior priestess would give you further things to do. Just the thought of more work non stop made you sigh at your monotonous shrine maiden lifestyle but as you lamented you heard footsteps behind you, the sound of which same as that of your own.

"Hey!.....", You turned around to see your little sister huffing as she catches up to you,

" y/n! He's here again!," The implications of her words made your face heat up, sure you were still a bit green and naive, but you made sure to discreet when it came to 'looking' at that one particular man that always seem to stand out among the hoards of faceless people you saw visiting the shrine everyday.

"How many times have I told you not to phrase it like that! You'll get me in trouble with the priestess!", Scrambling to get yourself together you retort sharply.

"Oh come on! Youre the one who used to stare at him from a distance like a lovesick teenager! Atleast now you're talking to him like a normal person", In terms of liveliness the sound of your back and forth was the only thing the place had.

"Watch it! If someone hears you we'll both get scolded", gently warning her again you find yourself turning back to where she came from. The other part of the premises where the peculiar man would be standing, as usual, in all his serene beauty, on the brigde overlooking the small lake.

A man in traditional Japanese cloths that you rarely see anyone wearing these days came to your shrine everyday, without fail for the past month. Everything from his attire to his elegant long hair left you in a trance and your eyes would naturally follow him.

Something about the fact how he'd always come here but never to pray or wish striked you as odd so at first you just observed and even before completely wrapping the situation around your head you two started sharing numerous conversations of the huge world that was right outside but so far away from your reach, his words fuelled the budding curiosity in your heart, the vastness of which made your trips to the lake, the most refreshing part of your otherwise monotonous daily routine.

Even if all you did was talk, a 'supposidly' demure maiden working in a shrine, skipping on her duties and rushing to the other side of the ginormous area to see a man felt almost elicit, scary even when you consider the consequences that would come if you were to get found out. The charisma his every action held was beyond resistance and you soon found yourself enraptured by the male despite everything.

"This is so pointless" you huffed, smiling out of self pity to hide the more frustrating emotions twirling within you.

"Yet you do it everyday", with a small nudge from her elbow you made your way straight to the lake, forgetting about your obligations as a shrine maiden, the responsibilities, the restrictions and all inhibitions put upon you in the name of god.

With quick steps you soon found yourself at the base of the curved brigde,

"Good afternoon Mr. Geto", your greeting came out in a rush, trying to ignore the warmth of your face, but your attempts at hiding your flustered state didn't go unnoticed by the man in front of you.

" Seems like you've been having quite a hectic day", smiling in his usual serene way Geto gracefully turns his head in your direction.

" Not any more than usual", calming your erratic heartbeat you slowly close the distance between the two of you and stand beside him on the arch of the bridge.

" It's really nice here", He remarked, his eyes sweeping across the tiny fishes swimming near the surface of the lake. You stared at him for a little while before finally asking the one thing that drew you to him the most.

" I always wondered, why do you come here everyday if you don't even want to go to the main shrine to pray?. Surely it's not just for this scenery."

" Hmmm? Pray for what?", Not particularly moved by your question he quizzically tilt his head.

"Well.....you know, the usual, success in job, finding a significant other or maybe even something materialistic? Although I doubt you're interested in the last one", you laugh a little to take the edge off your slightly personal question.

"Dreams come true through steadily applied efforts not praying", with his sage like appearance, his words didn't came off as a shock.

"Not the best thing to say to a shrine maiden but I guess it's somewhat true", Quipping back you just looked at him with a smile, silently revelling on your familiarity with each other.

"What about you? You never look like you're having fun while working here.... As if you're the one who's not satisfied with you're job" His voice took a more serious note and asked the question you always tried to push away but for the first time, you felt safe. Safe in talking about things what most people around you would call blasphemy.

"Yeah well, I wouldn't say it's my life's calling. It's basically following the ideals that has been written by others and just blindly following them day in and day out", just as you finished your sentence you realised how shallow and sad you just sounded but the slightly widened eyes of Geto was what made you mentally kick yourself before you hastily try to smooth things over.

" But! It's not that bad! Once you get used to-", after a few lighthearted words to clear the heavy atmosphere that was building up you were cut off with one long finger hovering just above your lips.

" It's okay, you don't have to worry about being judged with me", not touching your lips he quickly retreats his hand back,

"It's only natural to question your ideals and beliefs when you actually start thinking about them, it's a proof of growing up. I can say it was the same for me as well, I had thought I'd spend my whole life sequestered in 'that' place but...." His gaze takes on a far off quality as his words fade.

"What changed then?", Without even knowing why, you urged him to continue.

"Well, I grew up and realised mine were just idealistic views, far from practical."

"Wait! How old are you now?!", Unable to ignore your budding curiosity you went on,

With a soft flick to your cheek he snorted in amusement, his low baritone made you recognise your own rudeness as you rub the non existent pain off of your face.

"It's not polite to ask strangers their age, regardless of their gender, young lady".

"I'm sorry! It's just, your answer...... Was kinda vague so...." Trailing off, the fact that he didn't owed you any explanations dawned on you making you stop. But the sudden halt in your unabashed questioning didn't go unnoticed by the long haired man so he continued, as if reading your thoughts.

"Everyone's entitled to act idiotically every once in a while but you sure are abusing your privilege", he went on, after a few words of sass.

" It took a while but, I soon discovered my true feelings about the world I lived in and how I wanted to change it", The unshakeable conviction of his voice reverberated through your ears and there seemd to be more to the hint of darkness in his downcast eyes, but further questions left your brain as you felt genuine resolve through his words.

Before you could process what's happening, Geto pulled you in close, resting his hands on either side of the brigde railings, caging you inbetween the low wall and his body.

"How about we run away to a better world together?", not waiting for you to protest he spoke. The words falling from his lips were casual enough to make you overlook the outrageousness of their meaning and your oddly intimate position did nothing to stop your brain from short circuiting.

"The decision is yours y/n but I'll be waiting anyway," his voice seems to trail a little before he bends down, his thin lips ghosting over your right ear, " you see, I hate it when even the good gets destroyed along with the bad", with that he quickly pulles his body back, letting you have your personal space again.

"I'll come back here at 8 'o' clock tonight",

After announcing that smoothly, he turns his back away and walks off to the exit, leaving you gob smacked at his confusing words.You watch him saunter off, still to awestruck to move when you finally take a note of your own unsteady breaths and face that radiated heat rivaling the sun atop.

" Who would- even go along with that crazy idea", your meek words get lost in the now empty place but the longing in your eyes to see what lied beyond your conservative lifestyle was as clear as the autumn sky hanging above.

You turn your back on the place and jog off in an effort to escape your own complicated feelings on the matter. His casually spoken words clawed at your heart, an entire different life was just one step away and it was shocking to even you how much trust you were subconsciously putting in every single word he says.

The conflicting thoughts in your head kept you busy the entire walk from the bridge to at the door of the only home you had known for so many years and never once your feet held such hesitation as you entered the building to continue the tasks you had left behind for the momentary change you craved so much.

The evening passed by in a flash, the thumping of your heart only getting louder with each passing hour. You just got out of your bath and were getting ready to help with dinner when you heard two voices coming form one of the senior priestess's room

"I saw her talking to a man, he didn't looked like a -", their words weren't clear but one thing was. Their topic of discussion was you.

"No he was wearing a hakama", it was getting harder and harder to breath with every second. If they were to tell that to your other supervisors then it would become very difficult for you to live here.

"So he could be from a neighbouring temple, maybe just asking about something general?"

"But weren't they standing too close?"

Listening in from behind the door all you could make out was that they clearly saw you and Geto, but one thing was certain. You were about to be very strictly reprimanded for just having curiosity.

Before you could even think up of some excuses to get yourself out of this mess the previous offer of his night time rendezvous flashed in your mind. It got you thinking, if you were going to be made to stay under supervision for a while anyway then the least you could do was to meet Geto one more time so as to let him know that his idea was indeed crazy and that life wasn't that easy for you to give up on everything you've done until now just on a whim.

You couldn't exactly get to a proper conclusion, sure leaving seemed like the better option but the fact that you'll be heavily dependent on Geto for everything didn't sit will with you either. It's not like you had any other skills or connections and even if he said he'd take you with him, you weren't fully ready to trust him on that. Why would you? It's not like you two were connected or related in any way.

The meeting time was approaching fast and since it's dinner time soon most of the girls would be around the dining area to help. It was the perfect opportunity to slip out unnoticed and come back after explaining things to the kind person who brought a few extra colors in your dull life.

Shakily you made you way to the back door, knowing full well you're about to commit another offense.

In a few minutes you reached the bridge, it was empty right now, indicated that your are ether early or that maybe Geto was actually just messing with you and oddly enough you felt your stomach drop at the thought of the second option.

But before you could overthink out the negative options you sense eyes on your back and whirl around to see a happy looking Geto strutting towards you.

" I take it you have decided to entrust yourself to me?", Greeting you with his self assured words he smiles amicably at you.

" Actually- I've decided to not leave", you say, with both sadness and regret in your voice.

He listenes to you in silence, his face doesn't look convinced no matter how much you explain but he never interrupts you until you're finished.

" So, Is that what you really want? To rot in a place which binds you to unnecessary obligations?", He blankly says, after you're done.

"It's only natural to lose something in order to attain greater things y/n", steping in your personal space again he peers at you face, his eyes were slited enough to hide their true intentions yet leaving just enough space for the moonlight to give them an otherworldly glow.

His beautiful face just centimetres away from yours and before you can finish he grabs you by the chin and delivers a mind blowing kiss.

This wasn't good for your heart. Your previous resolve was melting, just like the rest of you. Geto quickly slipped his hot tongue inside your mouth, exploring every nook and cranny of it.

"Why are you going so far?", You ask, still not entirely convinced.

" Because we are the same, that's why I know what you want and I can give that to you. So trust me okay?", A few seconds pass as you both stare into each other, when you finally heave a sigh of defeat.

" I do want more than just a life of modesty,", having changed you decision yet again you look up at the man in a renewed resolve.

"That's my girl!", Almost excitedly he envelopes you in a warm hug,

"Well y/n? How exactly do you want to celebrate your new found freedom? ", giving his words a suggestive tone he leaned forward to press his lips against your ear, placing light kisses up and down its lobe.

A surge of heat runs through your confounded heart, voice raspy as you reply " Ofcourse I want to do it with you", the snickering above you made you realise the innuendo your words held,

" I meant the celebration! It as in the CELEBRATION OKAY?!", Frantically, you push against his chest to break your embrace, trying to explain the simple meaning behind your previous words but even so, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that the thought of sleeping with him never crossed your mind.

The unmarried virgin criteria you had to fulfill in order to be a shrine maiden was in the past now. So you couldn't find any reason to hold back now.

" I'd be an honor," Geto's melodious voice reverberated through the entire room and you whip your head upwards to look for the confirmation you needed.

With minimal amount of words Geto took you to a near by cottage, saying he atleast wanted your first time to be in a proper place. You thought he was staying at just a room in that cottage but it turned out he had rented the entire place.

For you, it was quite a luxurious thing, while it was something you'd love to revel in, you had other, more important matters to give your attention too.

With a soft click, Geto opens the bedroom door and ushers you in, you breathing coming out irregular, and you were almost shaking in both excitement and nervousness.

What if he doesn't like how I look like naked? Would he like it better if I had shaved? Wait- I hope I'm not wearing my ugly panties today!. While you were freting the small details, the long haired man quietly made his way towards the bed, where you sat, buring his face at the crook of your neck as his arms wrap themselves around you.

"White suites you",His voice rumbled in your ears, his tone as smooth and sweet as honey when he slipped his hand inside the collar of your top, parting the neatly tucked fabric until your chest was exposed. The sudden contact with the air and his hands made your nipples perk up. He fondles them a little while kissing up your neck and shoulders.

Slowly he undos the cloth belts that tied your red hakama to place and eventually you feel them loosen up and then down to the ground, leaving you in just your open white kosode.

Being so exposed in front of a man and that too for the first time made you instinctively cover your chest and crotch, but it was pointless really, because even your hands couldn't hide the dampness of your panties from the sharp eyes that seems to look straight through your meek attempt at modesty.

"Come on, show me everything", his eyes met yours, all attention on you and it was almost disconcerting how vulnerable his eyes made you feel.

Felling a warm rush of blood to your face, you slowly loosen the grip of your hands around your body, letting Suguru pry them off until they rested limply on your sides. Slowly you lie down flat on your back, shyly looking away.

"Getting embarrassed is fine, but there's no need to hid yourself, It's only natural to want to look at your lover's body",He says it with such low, sweet, seduction that your toes curl in response, the word 'lover' ringing in your ears sent your heart in a frenzy.

Slipping the rest of your garments off of your shoulders he gently kisses your ear, licking the contours of your jaw and all the way to the hollow of your throat. His mouth nibbed at the skin beneath as his smooth tongue caressed the marks it left behind.

Soon he latched his lips onto on of your nipples, his teeth grazing the hardened tips pulled a few moans out of you, his long hair tickled your skin wherever they fell and it took everything in you to stop yourself from grabbing onto them.

Moving lower, he soon reached your pussy, already dripping with arousal. You felt his breath on your folds as spreaded them with one of his hand and gave the smooth space inbetween a long lick.

Sucking on your clit with fervor, his arms around your hips traced it's dips and curves as he delves deeper into your moistened sex. Your moans were inevitable at this point, the feeling his mouth in the most intimate part of your body was making you shiver in ecstasy but as soon as he brought his hand near your hole you felt your thighs clench.

"Don't worry I'll only use one finger at a time to get you all nice and ready for later" Gentle reassurances flowed naturally out of his mouth as he covers his fingers in your slick before spreading your pussy more.

His digits push past your folds and buries themselves deep into your throbbing pussy, the sensation of being penetrated both new and arousing. Geto slowing moves his finger in and out as his tongue latches on to your clit again.

The sensations of being licked and fingered together intermingled in your body, bringing you closer to your release in no time. Although it was a good thing you didn't wanted to end it so quickly. He was undeniably good with his hands, knowing when exactly to add another finger or when to curl or rub them inside.

Maybe it's because it was your first time but the onslaught of your orgasm leaves you shaking and moaning wildly in the most unladylike ways you have ever acted. It was embarrassing how much you ended up enjoying while Geto did all the work.

Though he pushes you to your limit you can't help but want to watch his every movement, anticipation building inside you when he raises his head and props himself on his knees to get a better look at your blissed out face. You let out a sigh of longing as he bought his glistening digits to near your face as a proof of you how good he made you feel.

" I'm glad you like it honey", his voice dangerously seductive, he licks his fingers just as erotically, making you embarrassed.

" Let's move onto the part where you cum on my cock now shall we?", His crudeness may have been shocking but right now all you cared about was the cumming part so you let him manhandle your throbbing form until he properly lines himself up against your hole.

Suguru didn't removed his cloths fully, just loosened his hakama just enough to whip his member out.

" Deep breaths now y/n", his gentle guiding eased your mind, and so you relax your body to take him in because even if it's your first time, you were pretty sure he was big enough to make anyone ache.

A warm tingling pain tears through your core which soon mealted into something more euphoric, unbearably good even, making you cry out in ecstasy. He filled you up to the brim and you wondered how bad it will ache tomorrow. As soon as he bottomed out in you, the entire aura of the person about you changed and the room felt like it dropped a few degrees in temperature.

It was not what you'd expected as your first time. Not the painfully rough speed he started with. Not the large hand around your neck that threatened to cut off your air supply. And certainly not the cold, detached look in his face.

Even when your breathing was getting shallower by the second you still writhed in pleasure. It was alarming as to how much you were willing to entrust your entire self to Suguru who was nothing if not composed, keeping his hand firmly around your neck while thrusting his member in and out of your pussy, fucking you like some sort of rag doll.

Long gone was the mild mannered person you looked up at with heart eyes, maybe he was just different in bed, that's what you wanted to tell yourself but the lack of consent and the level of his roughness kept you from doing so.

He eventually let go of your neck, only to flip you on your stomach and shoved his cock inside from an even deeper angle. He didn't let you tap out until you came twice, with your third orgasm approaching just as fast.

The sumptuous heat from his body lingers on yours for sometime even after he pulls himself out

And you felt that the longer you stayed in his embrace, the more darkness seeped into you which would surely make you go numb eventually

You wanted to ask Geto what was happening but a few broken screams were the only thing you could make out, everything was sudden, how the pain made your vision go white to then pitch black and as your consciousness left your body all you could hear was Geto's calm voice.

" Next time you wake up, well be in a better world"

The few rustling sounds of fabric brought you back to the waking world, the dark blue skies outside with flashes of gold inbetween told you it was just the crack of dawn.

You slowly prop yourself up in a sitting position to look around the unfamiliar room.

You catch your reflection in the nearby window next to your bed, you looked the same save for the few indecipherable marks here and there.

" Good morning y/n", Quickly looking at your right, you see Geto just walking out of the bath, his mascular form only covered by a thin cottan kimono.

He was behaving normally, as if the events of last night didn't happen. So normally that you were starting to think you may have hallucinated the whole thing.

Walking towards your sitting form, Geto bends down to cup your jaw and layers his mouth on yours, the scent of his shampoo tingling your senses almost made you forget about everything else.

He breaks the kiss, gazing at your downcasted eyes, the heat from your face made him chuckle.

"Quite an innocent reaction considering all the things we've done", he smirks triumphantly at you, his eyes a mix of dark but intense passion. All the things huh. You thought. Your mind was still in a haze and it was talking longer to process your words and thoughts.

"What happened last night?, I can't remember everything properly", you were expecting straight answers, that how did you passed out or where you exactly were right now but Geto seemed to go off on his own tangent.

You were just like my past self,", were, he said. As if you're something else now. The man in front of you was changing his colors faster than you could comprehend his words and it was terrifying you.

"That's why it's my duty to show you everything that life has to offer, the entire extent of it. As long as you stay by my side.", Not paying an ounce of attention to your shocked state he want on,

" The people you were staying with before were only going to confuse you further, that's why I had to take you away".

"You are the most free and safest at my side, darling. But if you still want your preistess life back then, I'll be your god and you can spend the rest of your life worshipping me instead"

Of course, he didn't saw you as an equal who could stand beside him, you weren't even his lover, just someone below him who he needed to worship the ground he walked upon in. But even so, the fear you experienced just a few minutes ago dissipated, bringing back the curiosity that was at its height whenever he was around.

"Were you lonely?",Geto's eyes trailed up and down your face which halted in their track after hearing your words which oddly resembled pity.

" What-", the previously composed and slitted eyes expanded a little before his expression abruptly shifts, turning serious, making you flinch under its sharp gaze, the animosity that surrounded him contrasted with the previous tender kisses and touch.

With his one large hand he grabbed your face from the base of your jaw, painfully lifting it up until your entire body was a few centimetres above the surface of the bed.

" Listen up y/n, I didn't brought you here to dote on you and the only reason I wiped out your silly little shrine because I can't stand hypocrites who spread false teachings written by equally hypocritical people. It was your job to worship things you couldn't see before and now you have to do the same job for someone you can see. That's. All."

"Ofcourse, leaving isn't an option.I've turned your body into a reincarnated curse. If any of the Jujutsu tech people caught you roaming around, it'll be instant exorcism for you." He lets go of your face and sits next to your form, Geto was quite for a while, giving you time to sort out your own feelings on the matter.

You knew what was happening now. Inbetween those conceited words flashes of the warm blooded man behind the god slipped out and you had to resist the overwhelming urge to comfort the person who just confessed to have burnt down the shire you were living in just until a few days ago. Maybe your thought process was altered just like the rest of you body, or maybe you were always this crazy too.

The source of your sympathy was unknown but the twisted obsession of his was provided you with more solid answers.

Your meeting, the conversations, how you eloped together. All of it made sense now. He wanted to save you from the oppressive state of the place you had spend most of your life in, ofcourse he would. He was thinking of you in ways no one ever had. He loved you in ways no one ever will, or could for that matter.

And you,

You loved him too. You had to.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #smut #Jujutsu kaisen geto Suguru #suguru geto #geto suguru x reader #geto #jjk geto suguru #geto Suguru #Jujutsu kaisen x reader #Jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #geto Suguru smut #my writing #tw: Gaslighting #jujutsu kaisen scenario #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

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qqueenofhades · 4 years

Note

I was already distressed about the political and social situation in the US, and then this happens. Are there any examples of societies that fought back against fascism and won, without civil or international war breaking out? Surely there must be some success stories in history. How did other societies overcome fascism, are there lessons to be applied to our current situation? Please tell me we're not doomed, because I have no hope for the future.

Sigh.

Okay.

I’ve been through... a lot of the stages of grief by now. That is, rageposting on tumblr, venting to my friends via text, drinking, crying while drinking, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, feeling the crushing weight of certainty that we’re all screwed and nothing matters, crying while talking to my sister, crying generally, lying in bed some more, and am currently still in bed while writing this, but am struggling to put on my internet historian aunt hat and offer some comfort to the stricken masses.

First off: This is bad. I’m not even going to pretend this isn’t bad. We all knew RBG had cancer again, but it was pretty fixed in our minds that she would somehow manage to hang on until after the election. 45 days before the biggest presidential election of all time, in the middle of this year, when names including Ted “Zodiac Killer” Cruz and Tom “Time for Roe vs. Wade to go, block federal funding from being used to teach about slavery, send in the military to crush the BLM protesters” Cotton have already been floated as some of her possible replacements? With Trump and McConnell determined to work as fast as possible to steal this seat as brazenly as they can, because they are literal fascists who don’t care about their own example (Merrick Garland was nominated in FEBRUARY of an election year and McConnell held it up for being “too close to the election?”)

Ugh. Anyone who doesn’t get that this is bad or acting like people are overreacting doesn’t get what’s at stake. And when, as we’ve said before and are saying again now, the future of everyone who isn’t a white straight rich Republican man in this country depends on an 87-year-old woman with cancer for the fourth time? Something’s wrong here. RBG’s death did not have to leave us in this total existential panic, and oh yeah, maybe this could have ALL BEEN AVOIDED AND WE COULD HAVE ALSO HAD THREE (3) NEW LIBERAL JUSTICES SECURING PROGRESSIVE LEGISLATION FOR A GENERATION IF SOME OF YOU HAD JUST FUCKING VOTED FOR HILLARY CLINTON IN TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING SIXTEEN.

(Why yes I am still mad about that, I will be bitter until the end of time that we were consigned to four years and counting of this completely avoidable nightmare because of apathy, misogyny, and Leftist Moral Purity TM, but we’re talking about the future and what can still be done here, not what’s in the past.)

Anyway. Here’s the bright side, which admittedly sucks right now, but it’s been the answer all long:

VOTE.

You have to fucking vote, and you have to fucking vote for Biden/Harris. Everything that we’ve been talking about is no longer a hypothetical; it’s happening right now. This is not just some Awful Worst Case scenario, and it’s not somehow being spouted by privileged white liberals ignoring the struggles of the masses. (Viz: that awful fucking text post with its simpering self-righteousness: “are you punching nazis or just telling oppressed people to vote blue?” I hate that text post with a fiery passion and it’s the exact kind of morally holier than thou leftist propaganda that wouldn’t surprise me if it was generated by a troll farm in Krasnoyarsk.) My dad is disabled and lives on Social Security. Trump’s second-term plan to end the payroll tax takes SSID out by mid-2021, so... I guess that’s my dad fucked then. I’m a gay woman with long-term mental illness, no healthcare, no savings, no current job, and a lot of student debt. My sister has complex health problems and relies intensely on publicly funded healthcare programs. All my family have underlying conditions that would put them at worse risk for COVID (age, asthma, immune issues.) These are just the people IN MY HOUSEHOLD who would be at risk from a second Trump presidency. It says NOTHING about my friends, about all the people far less fortunate than us, and everyone else who IS ALREADY DYING as this nation lurches into full-blown fascism. That is real. It is happening.

Here’s the good news and what you can do:

Democrats are fired up and mad as hell, and they’ve already donated $31 million between the announcement of RBG’s death last night and today, and that number is climbing every second.

You can help by donating to Get Mitch or Die Trying, which splits your donation 13 ways between the Democrats challenging the most vulnerable Republican seats in the Senate. That also has raised EIGHT MILLION BUCKS in the less-than-twenty-four hours.

You can donate RIGHT NOW to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, vote if your state offers early voting, request your mail-in ballot, or hound everyone you know to ensure that they’re registered.

You can call your US Senators (look up who they are for your state, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE REPUBLICAN OR YOU LIVE IN A SWING STATE OR ARE UP FOR RE-ELECTION IN 2020) and phone the Capitol switchboard at 202-224-3121 to voice your insistence that they respect RBG’s last wishes and refuse to vote on any Trump nominee until after January 2021.

The other good-ish news is that I woke up to an email from the Biden campaign this morning about how they’re well aware of this and they’re already on it. BUT WE CANNOT COUNT ON EITHER THEM OR THE SENATE DEMOCRATS TO BE ABLE TO STOP IT. Because Joe Biden is not president and the Senate Democrats do not have a majority, if the Republicans manage to rush a nominee and a vote and all 52 GOP senators vote for that nominee, hey presto, tyranny by majority, a SECOND stolen Supreme Court seat, and a 6-3 hard conservative majority for the next generation. Even if Roberts or Gorsuch sometimes defect on procedural grounds, Kagan, Sotomayor, and Breyer (who is also 82 and thus ALSO might soon be replaceable, thus resulting in an EVEN WORSE ideological swing) would be outnumbered on everything. This is terrible. I’m not even gonna pretend it wouldn’t be.

BUT:

If Joe Biden is elected with a Democratic Senate and House, IT MATTERS. It gets us off the fascism track, it gives us the ability to make progressive law and have it enacted without going to die in Mitch McConnell’s Kill Stack, it gives Biden the executive authority to nominate liberal judges and change Trump’s worst outrages on day 1, it stands as a huge example of a nation managing to reject fascism by democratic process, and while yes, we’d still have a terribly rigged Supreme Court, Democrats would control all the other branches of government and be able to put safeguards in place. The other option is outright fascism and the end of American democracy for good. This may sound alarmist. It’s not. It’s literally what the situation has ended up as, as all of us who were begging people to vote for HRC in 2016 saw coming all along.

So yes. That’s what you need to do, and what WE need to do. We need to make as much goddamn noise as possible, protest, contact elected representatives, make sure everybody pulls their weight and ferociously fights the promised attempt to ram through a new justice before Election Day, all that. But even if that does happen, THEN WE NEED TO FUCKING DONATE, ORGANIZE, AND VOTE FOR JOE BIDEN AND DEMOCRATS UP AND DOWN THE BALLOT. ALL OF US. NO EXCUSES. NO MORE TWITTER LEFTIST ECHO CHAMBERS. NO MORE. THEN, EVEN WITH A RIGGED SUPREME COURT, WE WILL ALL BE SAFER ON NOVEMBER 4TH AND CAN TRY TO FIX WHAT’S BROKEN.

The stakes are just too high to do anything else.

May her memory be a blessing, and a revolution.

#politics for ts #bury me in a mountain of salt #then vote #the end #humoristhefirstcasualty #ask

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Three

Words: 4.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

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I wake up to the smell of coffee drifting in under the bedroom door, and I stretch, seeing Nikki on his side of the bed, snoring softly.

Pulling the covers off of myself, I get up and throw on my robe to cover my naked body and step into the kitchen to see Karen at the counter.

Karen was Doc's best solution he could muster up to try to keep Nikki straight off drugs.

After calling Doc and Bob Timmons that night Nikki shot out our ceiling, Doc asked Karen, who worked at the Mötley office, to move in.

Hats off to her because she didn't argue, and Nikki did calm down a little when she was there because he was convinced she was a spy for Doc and was telling him what Nikki was doing at all times.

Nikki didnt want to hear shit from Doc, so he tried to hide his drug use from Karen when she was home.

"Good morning." She greets me, patiently waiting for the coffee to get done. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"No, no, it's fine, I needed to get up anyway, uh...what time is it?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.

"About 9:00." She replies.

"Okay, I'm gonna wake him up and get ready and that reporter should be here around--"

I'm cut off by the doorbell and I look at her.

"You go wake him up, get him showered, I'll stall." She assures me, shooing me with her hand as she steps to open the door."

I rush to our bedroom and shut and lock the door, walking over to wake Nikki up.

"Babe, c'mon." I nudge at him several times until he's groaning a little. "Nikki, wake up."

"Just climb on and get off when you're finished. I'm sure it'll still get up without me being awake." He mumbles tiredly, about to drift back off before I'm hitting his arm sternly.

"Nikki, you need to wake up. That reporter came early. We need to get dressed."

"Jesus." He lets out, frustrated, and I rub my lips together. His hazel eyes open to look at me and he smirks. "You're actually talking to me today?"

I've been ignoring him for nearly a week now ever since he broke our ceiling and embarrassed me in front of our friends.

"I'm getting into character so he doesn't write that I'm not talking to you in the article. Doc said to be as lovey as possible." I add. "So hurry up."

I walk to our bathroom and start the shower, quickly discarding my clothes and climbing in as he trudges into the bathroom.

By the time I'm rinsing shampoo from my hair, he's getting in, his eyes wandering up and down my naked body that currently has soapy water running down it.

"Don't get any ideas, Sixx, I'm still mad at you."

"What kind of man do you think I am?" He puts a hand over his heart as if he's hurt and I roll my eyes, finishing rinsing my hair.

"Move." I say so I can put conditioner in my hair and he grins, about to switch places with me, and his hands hold at my body as we trade spots and I glare at him.

"What? I was helping you move." He innocently states, the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips, and I cut my eyes at him.

He just wets his hair as I get the tangles out of mine with conditioner and we change once more.

By the time he's rinsing his hair again and I'm lathering up in body wash, I feel his finger trace down my spine.

"Nikki." I say in warning and I hear his faint chuckling.

"Sorry." He mumbles, taking his fingers off of me.

When I'm done, about to tell him I need to get under the water, his hands are sliding up my sides and he's getting closer to me, pulling me against him, taking my ear between his teeth in a nip.

"Nikki, we don't have time for this." I let out in a soft giggle.

"So?" He asks, pressing a kiss to my neck, his hands moving up to hold at my chest, rolling his thumbs over my nipples, causing me to take a sharp breath and push my ass against him.

He lets out a soft moan, and I turn to face him, our lips, teeth and tongues meeting in a rough, passionate, kiss, as my body is pulled against his.

"Are you still mad at me?" He says, running his thumb across my bottom lip, looking like he's confident that I'm not still upset with him.

"Get finished, we have stuff to do." I tell him, giving him one last kiss before sliding past him to rinse off.

"Change it to cold water before you leave." He grumbles and I smile to myself, changing the temperature of the water before getting out of the shower.

Once I get my hair towel dried and finish getting ready, I'm cautiously stepping into the hallway, walking where I hear Karen and the reporter talking at the dinner table.

"Yeah, they..." Karen trails off, seeing me. "...Oh, here she is." She states.

He turns around to face me and I rub my lips together, extending my hand to him.

"Len Donoghue." He tells me, shaking my hand.

"Vivian Sixx." I reply, politely. "Um, Nikki's getting some clothes on now, he'll be here in a minute."

"Oh, starting Valentine's Day off right, huh?" He chuckles and I feel my face go red with embarrassment as Karen attempts to curve the conversation.

"You were saying earlier you attend night classes? What degree are you pursuing?" She asks him and I take the opportunity to step to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee.

Nikki's already there, seeming to be stalling as he takes his time examining the array of coffee cups in our cupboard.

"You don't drink coffee, baby." I remind him and he glances at me before handing me a cup.

"I was supposed to wake up this morning to a blow job. Not a fucking hotshot know-it-all scribe jotting down every last syllable of shit I say only to fabricate and cut it up before printing it in a way that makes me look bad." He mumbles and I give him a soft smile, my fingers running through the ends of his hair.

"It will be okay, Nikki. Just smile and it'll be over before you know it." I encourage him.

He sighs out, kissing me briefly before I pour my coffee and we step to the dinner table, where Len is lighting up at the site of Nikki.

"Hey, man, Nikki." Nikki introduces himself, shaking Len's hand.

"Len Donoghue, it's a pleasure." He smiles enthusiastically at him and Nikki nods before motioning to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna cook some breakfast if you wanna start your interrogation in the kitchen." Nikki says in a joking tone, but in know he means "interrogation" literally.

"Sure." Len nods, the three of us stepping to the kitchen as Karen gets up and heads to her bedroom to hangout until we're done.

I hoist myself onto the counter, watching as Nikki pulls the eggs from the fridge and I tense up as I multiple paper bags on the shelves before he closes the fridge.

I hope Len didn't notice.

"You've even got that particular detailing in here." Len comments, looking up at the mirrored ceiling.

"Yeah, I read somewhere mirror creates the illusion of a more open room." Nikki tells him, grabbing a bowl to crack the eggs into.

"That's why the place is covered in mirror?"

"Yeah, why else would it be?" He pretends to play dumb, and Len glances at me before shaking his head a little. "No reason."

"When did you move into this place?" He asks us and Nikki starts cracking the eggs.

"Uhh...like..." He looks at me. "...Over a year ago? Year and a half?"

I just nod and he confirms it.

"Yeah, over a year ago."

"Who's idea was it to live out here?" He asks next and Nikki nods towards me.

"She liked the house and I got it once we had the money." He explains.

"That makes me sound like a gold digger." I say.

"Okay, we drove by one day and she said it was a nice house and I went behind her back and got it and surprised her with it once I had the money." He corrects and Len smiles.

"Is he always nice like that?" He asks me.

"Despite how he seems publicly, he's a nice guy." I tell him and Nikki shushes me as if I can't tell his secret, making me chuckle as he grins, pouring the eggs into the heated pan.

"There's a lot of mystery around you two, is that something that's good to you or backfires sometimes?"

"It's good." Nikki states. "It's really nobody's business unless we do stuff like this," he motions to Len, "And let people in on it."

"We don't necessarily understand what the big deal is about, honestly. There's plenty of people dating or married to someone who isn't quite like them. The fact we're in the public eye doesn't make it any more interesting, honestly." I add.

"Yeah, people would be disappointed if they saw how our relationship works just like everyone else's." Nikki puts in next.

"I think you two being together really invokes certain conversations because one of you is a by the book Christian, and the other has been accused of Satanism in the past." Len suggests with a small chuckle. "So you're pretty opposite of each other in that sense but you still manage to get along well enough to feel the need to marry one another."

"We're opposite of each other in every sense, almost." Nikki tells him, finishing on the eggs.

"Really?"

"She's more reserved, conservative, quiet, innocent, sober, religious, organized..." Nikki names off a few things. "...and there's me."

"I wanna touch on that, really, because 'sober' is not something associated with rockstars or really this industry much at all, really, with so much money and access to excess and so on, have you really never had a drink of alcohol or was that an exaggeration? I mean, really, your friends, husband, piers are doing God knows what and you've never at least been curious enough to try something out?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"No. And that's not something I ride through the streets and shout out or project at a party or use to talk down on other people with. I choose not to do that because it doesn't interest me, it interests some people, some people enjoy it, but I've never really been drawn to any of it. And especially the really hard stuff, I've never felt the need or allure to that because I've seen what it does to people. But I don't turn my nose up at people who want a beer after work or have some cocktails with their girl friends on a night out. I don't even think I'm any better than the addicts that claw their eyes out while they're on dope. That's their business." I tell him, and Nikki clears his throat, putting the eggs into a bowl to be scooped out by who ever that wants them as he pulls the package of bacon from the fridge next.

"So you're the trusted D.D. when it's a night out?" Len asks me and I nod.

"Oh, yeah." I nod.

"Back to the 'opposites' topic, how did someone like you, get together with someone like her?" He questions Nikki again and Nikki let's out a breath, smirking.

"The clean version." I warn Nikki and he laughs.

"Oh, c'mon, Viv." He nudges me and I raise my brows. "Okay, fine, we met at a club on the strip, Tommy introduced us, and he had told me she was coming down there to see us and that she was a dancer and her mom was super strict, and just telling me and Mick some things about her because he and Vince had grown up with her, but we'd never met her. So she comes down there, and she's dressed like a fucking--I don't even know, nothing like what I was use to seeing on the Strip. And we just couldn't stand each other, honestly. We would aggravate the piss outta each other, I'd harrass her and purposely do and say stuff that I knew would gross her out and she would pick at me and deliberately say shit to get under my skin and piss me off. I called her 'Saint Viv' and 'Virgin Viv' and she'd call me 'Devil Spawn' and we just really got on each other's nerves, man."

"What changed that?" He asks and I wait to see how Nikki's going to say "I screwed her into my ratty mattress" in a PG way.

"There was this one night, I don't even know what happened, but I just realized I was really, really into her, and I guess she realized the same because we've been together ever since." He tells him.

"So, it's worth all the criticism about you not being the real deal because you've 'settled down'?"

"I'm not an idiot, I know people dont talk shit because I've 'settled down', they talk shit about who I've 'settled down' with. And if being with someone who's got my back, and strives to push me be the best in can be, and supports me and helps me up when I need it, then I will loud and proud shout from the hills that I've 'settled down.' I write music based off what inspires me, some of Mötley's best songs have been inspired by the very girl I'm criticized for being with because they either think she's boring or isn't bad enough for me or whatever bullshit they drum up. But I don't need someone who's bad through and through, that would be a disaster. She's bad wear it counts." He informs him and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Nikki!" I scold.

"I'm just saying." He shrugs. "And I'd hate being with someone who's exactly like me because then I wouldn't be learning new things, or having engaging conversation that challenges my views, or see a different perspective, and she wouldn't have that, either. So I think all the street rock posers downing on me for being with a 'goody goody' and the holier-than-thou Tipper Gore carbon copies that give Viv shit for being with a 'satan worshiper' can all kiss our asses and fuck off."

Len nods, looking impressed but not shocked with Nikki's words.

"Wanna add anything to that?" He asks me.

"Ditto." I reply and Nikki smiles at me for a moment.

After Nikki's finished cooking, we're sitting at the table, and get on the topic of music.

"Is there any idea when the new music will be coming out?" He asks Nikki and Nikki nods, taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Sometime this year." He says.

"Is it gonna have a 'Theater of Pain' feel to it or is it gonna hold the same change that, that album did compared to 'Shout at the Devil'?"

"Well, we change our sound because we grow. I don't think it's too far off, I think it's all still rock 'n roll, but the sound differs a little bit with each album because we evolve." He replies.

"Any album in particular that you've made so far that's a favorite or is the best yet to come?"

Nikki gets a happy, proud grin on his face.

"The best is yet to come." He states. "Some really cool stuff is in the works."

"I'm glad to hear that because I actually am a fan of you guys' so that's a good word from you." He tells him.

"Great." Nikki says, his bare foot kicking at mine under the table.

I kick back as Len is oblivious and continues asking questions.

"Are you into their music, too, or are you just along for the ride because you kind of have to be?" He nods to me as Nikki and I are now in a kicking war, despite acting like nothing's happening.

"Yeah, I like their music."

He looks a little taken back by my answer.

"You listen to Mötley Crüe without obligation?"

"Well, yeah." I tell him.

"She looks like a frilly flower girl so you don't expect that, right?" Nikki asks, and I kick him under the table and he kicks me back, again.

"What else do you listen to?" Len asks me.

"A little bit of everything. If it's catchy or has a good groove to it, it doesn't matter the artist, I'll buy it. I listen to ABBA, Chaka Khan, Hank William's Jr, Deep Purple, BeeGees..."

"And everything in between?"

"And everything in between." I chuckle. "I also have Bon Jovi but Nikki's always trying to steal it and get rid of it."

"You don't like Bon Jovi?" Len asks, seemingly insulted and Nikki looks at me with cut eyes and a devious smirk, like he's gonna get even with me, later.

"I like Jon, I've hung out with him several times, he's a cool guy. Vocally, he nails it every time. Lyrically, musically, I can't fucking stand it. It's like being stuck on the tea cups at Disney. You wanna get off before you throw up."

"So, you don't mind ABBA, but Bon Jovi's a no-go?"

"...Basically..." He rubs his eye. "But, I mean, I might tolerate some of it if she put it on and started doing a little strip tease or something. I'd consider it, then."

I glare at him and Len laughs, as Nikki smiles innocently at me.

Once we're done eating, we offer a tour of the house, which Len eagerly accepts.

"Obviously, living room." Nikki motions.

"What happened to the ceiling?" He asks, noticing the empty ceiling space.

"Nikki thought it would be smart to throw a baseball in the house. The whole ceiling suffered." I lie and Len raises his brows.

"I bet that was fun to clean up."

"We wouldn't know, we paid someone to come out here and do it for us." Nikki mumbles. "Alright, awards and achievements." He says next, motioning to his freshly reframed gold and platinum disc awards, and my ballet trophies I've racked up from childhood to the beginning of senior year, that Nikki practically made me put on display when we moved in because he thinks it's something I should be proud of enough to showcase to people.

"Guest bedrooms, and bathroom down here." Nikki motions down the hall. "Garage, here." We walk down a couple of steps to the garage door and open it up, switching on the light.

His bike, his Corvette and mine, greet us and Len nods.

"Nothing too extravagant." He voices to us.

"I'm looking at a blacked out Mercedes right now, I might end up getting it soon." Nikki tells him.

"Oh, really?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"I was gonna tell you about it later, babe." He assures me.

"Right, like you told me about the Jeep and the Harley?"

"Ha. Ha." He let's out sarcastically. "We have a pool." He quickly discards our disagreement, leading Len back up the steps and into the house to take him to the pool.

By the time the interview is at a closing, it's almost 1:00pm, and I hope he has enough material to make a decent article.

"Thanks for letting me come by, I really do appreciate it." Len thanks us, shaking my hand before shaking Nikki's hand one last time. "It was really an honor get to talk to you, man, good luck with the album. Can't wait to hear it."

"Thanks." Nikki replies.

"Alright, you two take care, have a good evening." He tells us, turning to walk to his car.

"You, too." Nikki says before shutting the door.

When it's shut, he's turning to look down at me.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I'm probably gonna go get some stuff from town." He states and I nod.

"Okay, I'm probably about to hangout by the pool with Karen for a few minutes." I tell him, heading to our bedroom to put my swimsuit on.

I hear the fridge open and shut--he's grabbing some of his heroin--before he's telling me he'll be back in a few minutes.

Once the garage door shuts, I'm stepping out to find Karen in her bedroom.

"Hey," I start and she looks up from where she's laying on her bed, reading. "I was gonna go lay out for a few minutes, do you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'll be out there in a second. Let me get changed."

The phone starts ringing and I head to answer it, hoping it's not someone calling to tell me Nikki's been in an accident.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Steven's voice happily declares on the other end of the line.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I reply, stepping to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi from the fridge.

"I-Is Sixx around?"

"Not right now, he's running errands in town." I explain to him.

"Oh...well when he gets back can you get him to call me back?"

"Yeah. Is everything alright?"

"It's perfect. Love you. Gotta go." He abruptly hangs up and I furrow my brows a little, hanging the phone back up.

A few minutes into sunbathing, I'm laying on my stomach with my bikini string untied as Karen chats away while I drift in and out of sleep.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." Karen tells me, getting up off her pool chair, heading into the house.

I give her a wave of my hand without opening my eyes, letting out a relaxed breath.

My body tenses for a moment at the feeling of Nikki's lips pressing the center of my spine, working their way up to my hair.

"Hi." I say, sitting up, tying my top back into place as he sits on my chair beside me. "Steven called and wanted you to call him back."

"He called again just when I got in so I already talked to him." He tells me and I nod. "I was out getting stuff for tonight." He wiggles his brows for a second and I try not to laugh.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Some more wine for me, the fizzy grape juice for you, and some more candles."

"You don't like just screwing around with a candle on because you can't see everything." I point out and he smirks.

"I didn't buy them for light." He says and I raise my brows, a lusty feeling washing through me at the thought.

"Race you to the bedroom!" I shout, about to take off but he grabs at my hips and pulls me down to his lap, laughing at my eagerness. "Nikki, we don't have time to waste. I have carbonated grape juice to sip on and hot candle wax to be dripped in, and that's not even including the sleazy stuff that follows, so c'mon." I struggle to pull his arms from around my waist so I can get free.

"Viv, we'll get to that later tonight, you gotta get ready for your surprise." He tells me.

"I have a surprise?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

"Nikki."

"Viv."

"...Fine." I huff and he let's me out of his lap, handing me the roses he got me. "Where is this surprise?"

"Can't tell you. Just get changed, dress up a little bit if you want to." He tells me.

I guess he thought since he had died the year before, he should put his all into making up for it the following year.

I have to give it to him, he outdid himself that Valentine's Day...but he had some help.

"Okay, no peeking." Nikki says to me after securing the blindfold around my eyes and I grin, my hand in his as he helps me out of his Corvette.

I'm taken off guard by him suddenly picking me up, shutting the passenger side door with his foot.

"What are you doing?" I chuckle out.

"I don't want you to walk and hear your steps because it'll spoil the surprise."

"I feel you struggling to keep me up." I say to him, poking fun.

"I'm not struggling."

"Okay but if you drop me, I'm kicking your ass." I add.

"I'll kick your ass right back." He scoffs.

"Okay, then put me down and let's go, Sixx. Best two out of three."

"You're like a baby bird: all mouth." He taunts me.

"You're a baby bird: all whining."

"Virgin Vivian."

"Devil Spawn."

"Are you ready to see your surprise or are you gonna keep running your mouth?" He asks and I roll my eyes behind the blindfold and exhale.

"Fine."

He sets me down, and my heels click against the sound of wood.

"Alright, ready?"

"Yes."

The blindfold comes off, and Steven's firing off one of those tiny confetti poppers as he, Nikki and Duff all saying, "Tada!" at the same time.

We're standing inside of Mandy's old rehearsal space, except it's not shitty looking anymore.

The holes in the ceiling are patched up, it's got new lights, the floors are fresh and the once scratched up and worn down mirror is replaced, completely brand new.

I can't even form words, my eyes watering, my hand grasping Nikki's tightly.

"What do ya think?" Duff asks me.

"I-I..." I try to talk, but can't.

"Do you like it?" Nikki asks next and I'm turning to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, nearly knocking him off balance. "Woah." He laughs, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

I'm wiping my tears when I pull away, catching his lips with mine when he leans down to kiss me for a second.

Knowing Duff was the one who bought the place from Mandy to begin with, I hug him to me next.

"Thank you." I sniffle out to him, giving him a tight squeeze before pulling away.

"It wasn't a problem, Viv." He assures me as Steven clears his throat.

"I wiped the finger prints off the mirror." He tells me and I smile, hugging him, too.

"Thank you." I say, ruffling his fluffy blonde hair.

Duff's grasping my hand, turning it over so my palm is facing upward before he's putting a key in it, closing my fingers around it.

I give him a genuine, grateful, closed-lip smile, and he returns it, his kind eyes seeming to have a spark of extra liveliness from being in his element of doing good things to make people happy.

I swear I can see Nikki scowling at us from the corner of my eye, but the look is gone from his face as soon as it arrives.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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dontreadthistrashgarbage · 5 years

Text

Pt.3

Seyoon was unpacking all the late night snacks he had gotten onto a blanket at a secluded rooftop. Hearing footsteps he looked up to see Guerin, who looked different than usual. She didn't appear to be wearing any makeup, had her normal stud earrings but had a cute black mask with a white sharp toothy grin. She was dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt with the hood up. He cocked his head at her as she approached.

"I know, I look like shit. But it was late and I'd already gotten ready for bed. You can't expect me to spruce up after that." Guerin guessed at his expression.

"You look fine. Cozy. It's just different. Also you're late." He shrugged and patted the blanket next to him, sitting as he leaned against the wall behind him.

"I got lost..." she grumbled, "I've never been great with directions." She sat down in the spot he indicated, looking over the spread he had brought, "Good grief I thought you just wanted tteokbokki."

Seyoon smiled automatically, "You said you hadn't eaten, and I know how much you like food so I thought I should get some options." Guerin leaned her head in his direction and offered a wry smile under her mask, unable to argue with his logic. "Besides, I got this for us too." He pulled out an additional bag, from which he drew two paper cups, a bottle of soju and two cans of beer.

Guerin raised her eyebrows and sat up straight, "Oh we're drinking too?"

"We have to. It goes well with tteokbokki, fried chicken and jajangmyeon." He shrugged nonchalantly as he began opening everything up and handing Guerin some chopsticks. "Although it's blueberry soju. I thought you might like that."

"How did you figure that?" She asked, sneaking a piece of tteokbokki and pulling her mask to her chin to eat it.

"Well you said before you liked Grapefruit and Plum but I couldnt find it, so I thought blueberry was the next best option." Seyoon shrugged, separating the cups and pouring soju into them, handing one to Guerin and offering his as cheers.

She laughed in response and took her shot, "Honestly I dont know how that train of thought lines up but you aren't wrong." She watched as Seyoon refilled the cups and couldn't keep the grin from her face, "You really went all out for this, it's awesome. Thank you."

He shrugged again, looking up at her and their eyes met briefly before both looked away to select food options, "Food makes things better." He said simply.

"Cheers to that." They both took another shot and then ate in silence for a while.

"So... how are you?" Seyoon asked awkwardly, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"I'm fine, all things considered." Guerin said almost mechanically, "I keep telling people that."

"Okay... but how are you really?" Seyoon asked again, leaning back to look at Guerin. She sighed and set her chopsticks down and didn't speak for a moment.

"Well. What do you know happened?" She asked finally.

"I know you were attacked by that crazy lady. I know you were arrested but you were cleared because of video evidence. I know that she is being charged by the company. But I also know you haven't been with HEET lately." He trailed off.

Guerin reached over for one of the beers. Seyoon cracked it open and put it in her hand, grabbing his as well while she took a sip, leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky.

"Yeah. We were worried something might happen again. So part of our plan included recording any more altercations that might occur. Self defense laws are tricky and it's usually one person's word against another. Plus as a foreigner, and a big one, we knew some witnesses might not provide unbiased information." She paused and took another sip, "The boys were so brave, they did exactly as they were supposed to. That woman had some gross stuff in that present too. Police said it was unwashed underwear, a vial of blood, another of spit..." she scrunched her nose, "stuff like that."

"Sounds like you guys have the law on your side." Seyoon said, waiting for more information.

Another sip and pause before she spoke, "Yeah, we do. We're able to press charges. The company is suing her. She might see jail time. They even made me go to the hospital to make sure they had a medical report for the court."

"Wait medical report?" Seyoon looked over at her, surprised, "What happened?" Now that she had pulled down her mask and he was looking closely he saw the cut and slight bruising at the corner of her mouth as she smiled dryly and tapped her cheek.

"I let her hit me. I figured if she looked unharmed and I was injured it would go better for us too."

"You're crazy." He sounded almost admiring as he leaned in closer, "Let me see that, does it hurt?"

"It's fine, I've been hit in the face many times, and she's probably the smallest adult that's ever taken a swing at me. It doesnt hurt at all. OW WHY?" She flinched and cried out as he poked the bruising.

His eyes widened and he let out a snort of laughter, "Doesn't hurt at all?"

"You little shit." She laughed and smacked his hand away from her face, "Of course it'll hurt if you press a bruise."

He giggled again, "Sorry. It does look like it hurts a lot. You should maybe stop letting people hit you in the face."

She laughed, "Well it hasn't always been a choice, this one was though."

"So... there's more right?" He asked after their laughter had subsided.

Guerin avoided his eyes by taking a longer drink from her beer, "Yeah. There's been some blowback. Some false stories have gotten out and theres some people that claim I'm making a bad name for HEET or that I was the one who started it, that I instigated a fight or was being rude to a fan. There's quite a lot that demanded I be removed as manager, actually."

"So they caved?" Seyoon asked disbelievingly.

"Well. Kind of?" Guerin sighed, "I've been temporarily removed. Right now with the case going and the false information it's actually less safe for HEET to be around me in case someone tries to target me. So until things are officially able to be released..." she stopped talking abruptly blinking rapidly, trying to hide it with another long gulp of beer. "It's not like I've been fired. I'm grateful for that. Another company would probably have written me off as more trouble than I'm worth. They have me doing other work right now but... I liked my job. I loved my boys, and looking after them." She couldnt hide the tears running down her face now, and didn't bother to try.

Seyoon floundered, watching her face then looking around before seeing napkins and hurriedly handing them to her. She smiled and thanked him, dabbing her cheeks half heartedly before giving up and chugging the rest of her beer through her tears. With an unconvincing smile she looked at Seyoon, "So that's what I mean when I say all things considered. I'm fine."

He didn't saying anything right away, pulling his long shirt sleeve over his hand, he leaned over and dabbed at her face to dry it. She started to pull away, shocked, but he reached out with his other hand and held her in place. "Hold still." She didn't fight back, he was so close and so handsome she couldn't help but feel somewhat transfixed, despite her stomache dropping and heart pounding, all she could do was freeze until he let her go. He picked up his chopsticks, selected a large piece of fried chicken and put it to her mouth, which she accepted without complaint.

"It's okay to be sad when bad things happen. You don't have to lie to everyone." He paused and added quietly as though he wasn't sure he should be saying it, "You don't have to lie to me."

Guerin choked, "Oh my god." She swallowed as soon as she could and laughed, "Are you using lines on me to seem cool? Is this a drama?" She laughed again.

"Yah." He protested, "I was just trying to be supportive."

Guerin laughed again then fed him some tteokbokki, "You're as adorable as a cicada." She said and pinched his cheek.

"I am so much more handsome than some bug." He protested around the food in his mouth.

"Of course you are." She put a shot of soju in his hand, cheersed and downed hers. He followed shortly.

"Thanks though." She glanced at him, "It means a lot."

He playfully shoved her and stole her chopsticks, which started a whole new bickering fit.

Charlie had been working up the nerve all morning to talk to her boss. It was a privilege to be allowed to be so hands on with animals and she didn't want her boss to think she was taking advantage... but it was such a cool opportunity. She had to at least try.

"Byun Minsoo-ssi." She lead off tentatively. The lead vet looked up from her paperwork. Perhaps she looked stern simply from Charlie's point of view but it was just as believable that she was no-nonsense in everyday life as well.

"Yes? Charlie-ssi?"

"I have a friend who is a manager for an idol group, she is friends with a group called A.C.E and I wondered if they could come behind the scenes to meet some of our animals?" Charlie ventured cautiously.

Minsoo paused for a moment before speaking "A.C.E? Your friend knows A.C.E? And they want to come here?" Her attempt to play it cool was poorly hidden and gave Charlie confidence.

"Yes! I'd like to invite my friend Guerin and A.C.E to come and see what we have. I think it would be an excellent opportunity to promote the zoo and educate on the importance of conservation!"

The normally serious Minsoo beamed at Charlie, "That's an excellent idea. Let's get in contact and organize something."

Charlie did a mental fist pump and hustled off to message her friends.

Deciding to keep the visit informal allowed the planning process to go more quickly. Approval from the higher ups and organizing with Beat Interactive took a few days. Guerin has been allowed to come as a personal guest for Charlie and A.C.E who requested she tag along. Guerin, never passing up a chance to visit the zoo, happily accepted. Charlie hoped it could provide her friend with a genuine mood boost. Guerin tended to internalize her negative emotions but Charlie could tell she wasn't her usual self.

"We'll do formal filming in the behind the scenes areas, but then we'll allow you to do your own self cam work throughout the areas of the zoo the public has regular access to." Minseok explained as A.C.E got last second touch ups.

"What animals are we seeing today?" Asked Chan excitedly. They were in the vet and quarantine areas so it was unpredictable what had been planned for them.

"It's a surprise." Charlie said, the most excited A.C.E had ever seen her.

Byun Minsoo would be taking the lead in speaking for the cameras but suggested Charlie stay by to help handle animals and manage the guests. Minsoo might be strict but she was fair, knowing Charlie wanted to do this with her friends she wasn't going to exclude her.

Guerin was hanging back with Minseok as preparations were made. "Noona do you know what we're gonna see?" Chan tried to wheedle from her, pouting slightly. Guerin stared pointedly away from him.

"Don't pull that cute stuff on me, I can't tell you." Of course she knew what animals Charlie was working with, she couldn't let some aegyo spoil the surprise. Chan pouted more and shook his shoulders in a small tantrum.

"Alright that's enough." Minseok stepped in before Guerin could cave, he redirected A.C.E to the main area so they could begin filming. The recording started with a tour of the facilities, showing equipment and how to accommodate all the different animals they had based on type and size. They explained the importance of training animals to participate in their own veterinary care voluntarily then showed them a video example of a mountain lion presenting for a blood draw, and a gorilla opening it's mouth for its teeth to be examined, or a macaque presenting its arm for an insulin injection. Minsoo continued to talk about the research and breeding that the zoo participated and how it was vital for conservation efforts and how it benefitted animals in the wild.

The boys were perfect guests, asking questions and reacting well. They saw a few animals in the quarantine area, new to the zoo and waiting to be introduced to their new homes. The last area they were taken to was for longer term housing for animals that couldnt be in the usual enclosures. A spot had been sectioned, layered with blankets, plushies and other toys. The boys, perplexed, were instructed to go in and sit down with Minsoo while Charlie disappeared momentarily. She returned with an inauspicious crate, facing it away from A.C.E she opened the door and sat with Minsoo, both grinning for the surprise.

Two young tiger cubs tottered they way out, mowing. The trepidation left A.C.E as they all exclaimed in amazement and adoration. Minsoo and Charlie showed A.C.E how to bottle feed them, then let them take turns.

"Their mother was a first time mom, and she wouldnt take care of them." Minsoo explained as the boys cooed sadly, "It's not unusual for that to happen with new mothers even in the wild. But since we are here we made the choice to step in and help raise them." Once the babies were fed they were left to roam and play. One clambered into Jun's lap and fell asleep, the other playing with a toy with Donghun and Byeongkwan. Jun couldn't control his face, his amazement and joy at being chosen as he got everyone's attention and pointed to the sleeping kitten. Seyoon and Chan scooted near him to pet the sleeping animal. Charlie couldn't stop herself from grinning, Guerin knew at least part of it was Jun's reaction and not just the cute tiger cubs.

Once it was time to say goodbye to the kittens, A.C.E did their formal goodbye with them and the filming for behind the scenes ended. The rest of the staff and guests got an opportunity to greet the tigers as well and once Guerin had her turn she flagged down Charlie as the babies were taken back to their enclosure. After a brief talk with Minsoo who let out a restrained laugh and nod, Charlie and Guerin went to a series of smaller tanks on the opposite side of the room, Guerin returning with her hands closed suspiciously.

"We have one more animal for you to meet." Charlie said with a chuckle. Donghun was the only one with the good sense to he suspicious.

"This is one of my favorite animals." Guerin said with a grin, uncovering her hand and showing a large male Madagascar Hissing Cockroach sitting placidly in her hand. All five boys instinctively recoiled, Chan and Jun exclaiming in surprise. A.C.E's reaction elicited chuckles from most of the staff if they werent busy being disgusted themselves.

"It's okay guys. They're harmless!" Guerin said holding it up. Donghun and Jun recovered the fastest, still looking apprehensive and surprised respectively. Chan was behind Jun, leaning around him curiously but still looking fearful. Beyongkwan, eyes wide, didnt move forward so quickly and Seyoon was the furthest away had a very subtle terror that could only be read in his eyes.

"They're really cool, they're called hissing cockroaches cause they hiss!" She gave the cockroach a light pet down it's back which caused it to take two steps forward and hiss quietly as it protested the contact. The boys jumped again. "So insects dont have lungs, they breath through small holes along their body called spiracles. These guys have evolved to force air out of those holes to make a hissing sound that they use to communicate to each other or even predators! Their mouths are too small to bite us so they're harmless!" She was so enthusiastic in the explanation it couldnt help but draw the boys curiosity. She explained how to tell males from females and how most cockroaches are pests at all and how vital they are to the environment. Eventually Donghun worked up the courage first to touch it when offered. Jun became somewhat enamored and greeted the insect before he touched it, but jumped when it hissed before laughing at his own reaction. Chan actually opted to hold it and Byeongkwan even moved forward but Seyoon stayed in the back.

"Come on Hyung!" Chan called to him, looking more closely at the cockroach.

"I'm just looking at stuff over here you guys go on without me." Seyoon said, pretending to examine equipment near him.

"It is kind of cute." Jun admitted, petting it again, still jumping slightly when it hissed.

"On a scale of Seyoon to a Cicada how cute is it?" Donghun joked causing Jun, Chan, Byeongkwan, Guerin and Charlie to laugh.

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