#and the only other advice i have is 1) spend the next 3 hours in the steamy bathroom or 2) take 4 benadryl and hope you pass the fuck out

[lqvesoph]

She’s WHOSE daughter??? || LN4

gif by @quadrantslandonorris

lando norris x webber!reader

summary: During a trip to Daniel’s farm house, you find an unexpected visitor standing in your best friend’s backyard

part 1 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

masterlist | taglist

Part 2

"So glad you could make it!", Danny called and wrapped you into a hug as soon as he opened the front door. "You know I love it here!", you laughed and stepped into his home in Perth, Australia.

It was Monday before the Australian Grand Prix and Daniel had invited you to spend a few days at his farm before flying across the country to Melbourne.

You spotted an unfamiliar pair of shoes next to Daniel‘s million others but didn’t think much of it. Maybe he bought another pair.

"Daniel, tell me again where the- oh hi", you heard a familiar british accent, one that you have missed over the last three long weeks since Bahrain and turned around to find a dripping wet and shirtless Lando in the glass door that led out to the backyard. His curls were dripping shining droplets of water onto his defined and tanned chest from which you couldn’t teat your eyes away.

"The towels are in the drawer, mate", Daniel spoke, snapping you out of your trance. "Thanks", Lando mumbled but didn’t move from his place.

You all stood there in silence for a few seconds before you cleared your throat. "I… uh- I-I‘ll go to my room", you stuttered, taking the suitcase and quickly making your way up the marble stairs.

"Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?", you heard Lando hiss. "Why would you have wanted me to?", Daniel asked nonchalant, and you knew you shouldn’t eavesdrop but you couldn’t help it, wanting to know Lando‘s response. "I- I don’t know", he stuttered defensively before tapping over to the drawer to get himself a towel.

Truth was, his small crush on you grew over the last couple of weeks. He followed your every move on Instagram and Twitter, even scrolling down to pictures from 2016, finding a few of you and baby Oscar during his Formula 3 career or little you in Daniel‘s Red Bull from 2017. He‘s probably memorized your highlights at this point.

Adding to that he asked Pietra for her advice on your best songs and your discography has been on repeat for three weeks straight.

You put your suitcase next to your bed and plopped down on it, only now noticing your racing heart.

During your deep dive through Lando’s Instagram account, you obviously had seen a few pictures of him shirtless, the one from Bahrain being the set of pictures you were hung up on the most, even saving one of them. But jeez… none of those pictures did the live picture justice!

You opened your eyes and took a deep breath before rummaging around your suitcase to find the black bikini you had packed for your trip.

You put it on and took your towel, phone and sunglasses and made your way downstairs. Lando and Daniel sat by the pool on two sun beds, playing some sort of card game. Both were shirtless and had matching bucket hats on their curls. You chuckled at the sight and placed your towel on the third sun bed.

Lando looked up from the game and subtly looked you over, his eyes lingering at your pushed up breast, that were barely covered by the tight black bikini top, a little longer than appropriate but you couldn’t find yourself caring. The opposite actually, the little hesitation brought a smirk to your face.

You lay down on your stomach on the sun bed and closed your eyes. "If I fall asleep, please put some sunscreen on my back in an hour or two", you mumbled, getting a hum from both boys next to you.

You couldn’t even begin to explain how much you have missed the Australian sun.

*~**~*

You didn’t even notice you fell asleep until you were woken up by a pair of warm hands rubbing your back. Guess the flight has been more exhausting than you thought.

You lifted your head up slightly, still a little dazed from the sleep. "Heyy, good morning", a soft british accent spoke over you.

Lando.

Then you started noticing a few other things around you. For example your hair that was wrapped in a loose bun, one that you definitely didn’t do yourself.

"I put your hair up so it wouldn’t stick on the sunscreen", he said, almost as if he had read your thoughts. "Thanks", you mumbled, then you frowned. "How did you-"

"I have two younger sisters, so I know a little about hair styles", Lando chuckled and kneaded your shoulders while rubbing in the sunscreen. The small action made you groan a little. "Feels good", you muttered.

"I can tell", he spoke and you could hear the smirk on his face, so you kicked your leg up to hit his back. "Owh", he let out and broke out in laughter after. You couldn’t help but join in as well and pushed yourself up on your elbows to look around you.

You noticed the missing sunglasses on your face when squinting to see against the setting sun but quickly found them on the table next to you.

"Daniel is getting the grill ready and Heidi has just arrived a few minutes ago", Lando told you and you turned your head to meet his eyes. But got quickly distracted by his tanned chest. Your eyes flickering down and stayed there for a second longer than necessary, before looking back up into his green eyes and only now realizing how close your faces were to each other.

His gaze flickered down to your lips before finding your eyes again.

"Hey dipshit, dinner is almost ready!", Daniel called from the path between the pool section and the little hut with a fire place. "We’ll be there in a second!", Lando called back, not tearing his eyes away from yours.

Your eyes darted down to his plumb lips. "We probably should…", you whispered, letting your sentence uncompleted. Lando nodded but still kept his gaze you. "Yeah, we probably should", he agreed.

The two of you kept each other gaze for a few seconds longer before looking down at the same time and clearing your throats. You grabbed your black shorts and quickly put them over your bikini bottoms, feeling your heart beating fast in your chest and a small throbbing in your lower region. A quick stolen glance at Lando told you, your interaction also left its mark on him.

He cleared his throat another time before standing up and grabbing a baby blue loose dress shirt to put over his shoulders, leaving the buttons undone.

Together you made your way over to the fireplace, where you found Heidi and Daniel next to a bluetooth box that played relaxing music.

"Hey, honey!!", Heidi called and immediately came over to hug you. You smiled and wrapped your arms around the girl who has been like an older sister to you for the longest time.

"It’s so good to see you again!", she smiled and pushed a few strands of hair behind your ear. "Your hair has gotten so long!" You laughed and sat down at the set table.

Daniel looked at Lando with a knowing smirk, whereupon Lando rammed his elbow into the older guy’s ribs.

*~**~*

As the night came, the temperatures got chilly, even in Australia. You shivered a little even if the fire spent a little warmth.

"You cold?", Lando muttered, leaning over the armrest of his chair. You looked over at him, getting lost for a second in the way half of his face was light up by the fire light.

You hummed and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself.

"Take my hoodie", he suggested, pulling the lavender colored hoodie from his chair. "Thanks", you smiled.

From the corner of your eyes you saw how Daniel gave you a rather knowing glance but you chose to ignore it.

That was until he didn’t give you another option.

"Y/n, you wanna come and help me inside?", he asked but it sounded more like a demand. You nodded and stood up from your seat before following Daniel inside.

All while Lando’s eyes never left you.

Daniel was waiting for you by the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?", he wanted to know. You shrugged, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"He’s cute", you simply replied.

"You know I love you like my little sister but Lando’s one of my best mates. And I already know that he’s got quite the crush on you, it’s fairly obvious so I gotta make sure that this is coming from your side as well and isn’t some sort of joke flirting", the australian explained.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest. "It’s not, I really do think he’s cute", you nodded.

"Does he know who your dad is?", Daniel pressed further, knowing this was some sort of make-or-break question to you.

Given the history of boyfriends you’ve had and loads of your early ones, always dating you for your father, you’ve started to not tell people about your father. Not until you were sure, they were here for you.

Your silence gave Daniel his answer.

"If you like him, why didn’t you then?", he wanted to know. "Because I want to get to know him before! I met him once three weeks ago, do you expect me to just go like "Hi, I’m Y/n, nice to meet you. By the way I’m Mark Webber’s daughter"?? I haven’t exactly spent a lot of time with him", you muttered.

"Just… don’t lead him on. I haven’t seen him this nervous over a girl in a long time", Daniel sighed and opened his arms. "C’mere."

*~**~*

Even though the night got very late, you were up incredibly early the next day, still having to adjust to the eastern australian timezone.

As quietly as possible you walked down the stairs to the kitchen, wearing a pair of jogging shorts and Lando’s hoodie from the previous night which was incredibly comfortable and even smelled like him.

You grabbed yourself a glass of water and sat down crisscrossed on a patio chair.

The morning was still a little fresh, the sun just barely leaking out from the horizon.

"Bit early, isn’t it?", a british accent spoke from behind you. You smiled before turning around to meet Lando’s sleepy eyes.

He stood in the doorway, long gray joggers and a black hoodie, similar to the one you were wearing. His curls were a mess on top of his head as he ruffled through them.

"I could say the same to you", you countered, making the boy smile. "I couldn’t sleep, still adjusting to the timezone", he told you, sitting down on the chair next to you.

You nodded in agreement. "Me too."

For a moment you sat in silence, both looking at the sunrise in front of you.

"You wanna go for a walk at the beach?", Lando suggested after a few minutes, looking over at you.

You considered your options for a second but didn’t see a reason not to, so you nodded and stood up.

You put your glass on the table and your phone in the hoodie pocket.

Together you took the small path that directly led from Daniel’s backyard to the beach.

"Nice hoodie by the way", Lando smirked, tugging at your sleeves. "Thanks, some random guy gave it to me last night", you replied with a giggle. "And you just take stuff from random dudes?", Lando faked a shocked tone. "Nah, only if they are cute", you smiled, making Lando go a little shy as he looked down with a smile.

When the you reached the beach, you stopped in your tracks. Closing your eyes and enjoying the breeze of the ocean.

"I’ve missed this", you muttered, taking a deep breath before opening your eyes to find Lando looking at you. "Los Angeles just isn’t quite the same."

"You said you grew up between LA and Canberra", Lando stated, whereupon you nodded. "How did you meet Oscar then? Because as far as I know he’s spent most of his teens in England. Or Daniel, who’s from the other side of the country", he asked.

"Well, Daniel I met through Red Bull. My dad used to work for them", you replied, careful as not to reveal too much. "At base?"

"Something like this, yeah."

"He’s been like an older brother to me for the longest time but Oscar being closer to me in age, resulted in us turning out like twins", you chuckled.

Lando felt a sting of jealousy when you talked about his teammate like that, knowing he had close to zero rights to feel this way but still.

"Anyway, I met him in the paddock a few years ago and we’ve been friends ever since", you concluded.

"And you’ve been into racing because of your dad?", he asked. You nodded but didn’t clarify further but instead grabbed his hand and dragged him to the ocean.

"Cmon, let’s go in", you called. "Go in??", Lando protested but let you drag him closer to the water. "It’s Australia, it’s warm", you giggled and kicked off your shoes off your feet. You let go of Lando’s hand and entered the water ankle-deep.

You looked back to see Lando taking off his shoes as well as his hoodie, leaving him in a white shirt. Then he carefully tapped the water before walking to you.

"Nice, huh?", you smiled against the rising sun, closing your eyes for a second.

Cold water splashing your back made you scream and open them again. You turned around to find Lando with a devilish grin looking at you. "Lando!!", you called and splashed the water back at him.

In only a few seconds it turned into a water war, both your clothes turning darker from the water splashes on them. Your eyes stopped at Lando’s torso, the water turning his white shirt see through. And you weren’t ashamed to admit that his defined abs distracted you just more than a little bit.

Lando used your little moment of distraction to launch himself at you and throw both of you down into the water completely. You gasped for air, his arms still wrapped around your body and you hair falling in wet strands on your face.

"Idiot!", you called, pushing your hair back to see Lando grin at you. His adorable smile, paired with the wetness of his curls made you smile as well. You put your hand on his neck, slowly pulling him closer to you.

A drop of water falling from his opened lips, mesmerizing you completely. Lando’s eyes searched yours, asking for permission to go ahead. You glance back down to his lips before nodding slightly.

Only seconds later, his lips touched yours in a gentle kiss. Your fingers went through his wet hair and pulled at the end.

His lips on yours felt like fire, and you wanted more.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, his hand holding your thigh as his other squeezed your waist. His lips slowly traveled along your jaw, making you lean your head to the side to give him more space.

You let out a little moan when he gently sucked on the spot under your ear and felt his lips curl into a smirk. Lando pulled back to look at you, your fingers stroking his neck.

You giggled slightly and leaned your forehead against his, closing your eyes for a second.

This is what happiness feels like, you thought.

📍Perth, Australia

tagged: landonorris, danielricciardo, heidiberger

yn.adams: Perth for the week

comments:

landonorris: Oh, what a pretty sunrise

> yn.adams: U think?

danielricciardo: When was that first picture taken???

> yn.adams: Today morning at about 5:30am while u were peacefully sleeping

> fan: Wait so if Daniel didn’t take that picture does that mean it was Lando???

oscarpiastri: 🤨

> fan: Oscar’s NOT a fan of this new friendship LMAO

fan: The boyfriend vibes are MAJOR on that last picture

fan: Since when are her and Lando friends???

fan: Okay but Yn and Lando would be crazy!!

> fan: I ship it, 100%

load more comments…

📍Perth, Australia

tagged: yn.adams

landonorris: She can sing and drive

comments:

yn.adams: 2:1 for me, u can only drive

> landonorris: 🥲

> fan: LMAOOO Yn roasting Lando hahahahh

oscarpiastri: yn.adams TEXT ME NOW!!

> fan: Poor guy’s feeling left out fr

fan: Is this a soft launch mr. norriz?

> fan: wdym "soft" HE TAGGED HER!!!

fan: The sunrise…

> fan: Nah u guys don’t understand the significance of that sunrise!!

fan: Lando and Yn posting pictures of sunrises… A picture of Yn that Daniel didn’t take…

> fan: New paddock couple alert??

fan: Lando letting someone else drive and playing passenger princess???

fan: Who even is she?

fan: Does she even know what F1 is?

> fan: LMAOO

load more comments…

taglist

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[loliwrites]

The One You Need | two

🎶 I spent most my life thinkin' love was out of reach, so maybe just this once, you could be the one I need, if you let me be the one you need 🎶

pairing: neighbor!joel miller x f!reader  rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni  summary: when you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at an arm’s length, your neighbor Joel finds his way into your life. warnings/tags: au, neighbor joel, age gap [reader is late 20s/early 30s, Joel is late 40s], hyper-independent reader, a bit of a misandrist mindset, past relationships, men vs boys, sexual tension, dubcon [tagging to be safe] [slight alcohol consumption but neither is drunk], verbal consent received, reader described as female, no other physical description, protective!joel, soft!joel, dare i say ei!joel, no use of y/n. word count: 6.1k part one | joel miller masterlist  a/n: i’ve done my best to tag as thoroughly as possible, but if you think i’ve missed something, let me know. & tagging @hausofobsession because charlie's the best

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

It had been three and a half weeks since move in day and a few things had become abundantly clear about your new surroundings.

1. Having your own place rocked. You did what you wanted. You answered to no one. If you wanted to have a one person dance party at two in the morning, you did. No downstairs neighbors hollered and banged on their ceiling – your floor. You could paint the walls whatever color you wanted and tear up the flooring if you had the impulse to. Nothing ever again had to be “renter friendly” .

2. Having your own place was a lot of work. There were any number of things that seemed to break, leak, or hang crooked on any given day and instead of ringing up a landlord and complaining, you could only complain to yourself… And then figure out how to fix the broken, leaky, or wonky thing. And it boggled your mind how dust and grime seemed to manifest out of nothingness. Rooms you don’t even remember stepping foot into had somehow acquired a thin film of dust. You were constantly cleaning something or fixing something, and in the most unfortunate of times, your cleaning of something resulted in you also needing to fix it. If anything, owning a home had reinforced to you that you were indeed the man in your life.

3. Joel Miller was practically the mayor of the neighborhood. Everyone knew him. It was impossible to spend any amount of time in the yard and not be bombarded with Joel Miller, Joel Miller, Joel Miller. While he wasn’t particularly outgoing, he seemed to be there when someone needed help. Whether it was Mrs. Cole with her grocery bags or the young, single mother next door to him who needed someone to put her son’s basketball hoop together. He was an everyman. And though he had helped you in a big way on your first day as part of the neighborhood, you’d spent the past few weeks dodging him as much as possible. 

4. And lastly, you needed his help again. At some point during the week, a foul odor had wafted through the entirety of your home. And short of thinking an animal had crawled up and died within the walls, you began scouring the house with as much disinfectant as your sense of smell would allow. Every inch of every room was scrubbed down, and when that still didn’t get rid of the odor, you figured it was time to call an exterminator. Dehydrated, hungry, and about to snap, you opened the refrigerator and was punched in the face by warm, smelly air that burned your nose more than the disinfectant. Ah, the source. 

How long the fridge hadn’t been working, you didn’t know. What you did know was that all the perishables – namely the dairy products – had certainly perished. And after three hours on the phone with a local handyman you’d found online, his ultimate advice was, “get a new refrigerator”. On a normal day, that was easily said and done. You would’ve ordered one the same day and gotten it delivered the next. Only, you’d spent the week prior throwing an obscene amount of money at new furniture to fill the oodles and oodles of empty space you now found yourself inhabiting.

You had genuinely thought about asking Joel for help that same day. At least to get the fridge out of the house because you were sure the smell wouldn’t leave until the entire appliance did. But when you looked out your window, his truck wasn’t in his driveway. And it didn’t arrive back until late that night. There was no way you were going to burden him so late, so you cracked some windows and told yourself you’d ask him in the morning. But the next morning when you Houdini’d yourself out of bed and made a pot of coffee, his truck was already out of the driveway again. An hour and a half later of throwing everything out and deep cleaning it, the fridge didn’t nearly smell as bad. And after a while, you kind of just let it be.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Saturday. A day of rest. Except you were standing on Joel’s porch, curling your hand into a fist to rap your knuckles against his door, about to ask him to do a little work. A shred of guilt was growing inside of you. Yes, he had said to reach out if you needed something. He’d been nothing but neighborly. But you knew what you were doing. The thing where you use a boy for your gain but have nothing to offer in return. 

Joel opened his front door, breathing a little heavier than normal with a sheen of sweat over his face and down his neck. He appeared to be completely clothed, but whether or not you’d caught him in a state of undress and he threw this on, you had no idea. From what you’d observed by peeking out your front window, the single mother that lived next door to him seemed to have a little bit of a crush. Perhaps that crush was reciprocated on his end.

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” You squinted your eyes shut and partially shielded them with your hand.

“What?” He looked down at himself, tugging on his shirt, “no, I just got in from doing yard work out back.” Joel took a deep breath and slowly let it exhale. He remembered when he could be working hard all day and not even feel it. Now there were days when he went up the stairs in his house and got winded. “How ya’ doin?”

“Good, I… I need your help again,”

Joel grinned, something cheeky that you wanted to slap right off his face.

“Don’t look too excited about it. My fridge is on the fritz and it’s too heavy for me to move,”

There was a part of him that wanted to bring to attention that this was the second time in less than a month that you were coming to him for help. Ultimately he thought better of it. The hard line of your lips and narrowness of your eyes clued him in that you were waiting to rebuke anything he might say. Instead he disappeared from the doorway, leaving you utterly confused, only to return a minute later with an old metal toolbox in hand. He stepped out onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind him.

“No, it’s not getting fixed. I’m getting a new one,”

He quirked his eyebrows and looked down at you, “that fridge is only three years old.” He stepped off his porch and started toward your house.

You took a few quick steps to catch up with him, falling in line and then keeping up that pace to stay even with him. It did look like a fairly modern make. “How do you know that?”

“‘Cause I helped Mrs. Wilson get it in her house three years ago. I’d told her to get that fridge because I knew it’d last. Now unless you or Mrs. Wilson did something on it that it’s not meant for, it should still be perfectly fine.”

“What’re you implying?”

Joel shot a wink in your direction, “you have any male suitors over lately? Get a little frisky in the kitchen over dinner?”

Your jaw dropped as you followed Joel up your porch steps. “No! You can see my house from your house. You know I haven’t had anyone over,”

“I don’t spy on my neighbors.” He walked through your door after you’d opened it for him, “are you spyin’ on me?”

“No, I’m not,” you protested, leading him into the kitchen and directing him toward the problem appliance. “But I do know that next-door neighbor of yours, fancies you,”

“Fancies me?”

“Mhm. She twirls her hair every time she talks to you,”

Joel set the toolbox down on the counter and angled his body at the fridge, “does she now?” He wrapped his arms around it, fingers gripping to the sides, and began to shimmy the entire thing out from its little cubbyhole.

The whole display was rather impressive. Despite actively not yearning or searching for a relationship, acts of masculinity did get you going. It was the double-edged sword that lived inside you. Boys – can’t live with them; can’t live without them. Just because you couldn’t rely on men, didn’t mean the desire to sleep with them wasn’t there. But even you knew, that under no circumstances, were you to sleep or have any sort of sexual contact with Joel Miller. Even if he was a rugged display of masculinity. With sinewy muscles that strained beneath his skin when he flexed them. And fingers that surely knew how to wrap around more than just the handle end of a hammer. He was your neighbor. You weren’t going to shit where you ate. But by God if he didn’t look like a delicious meal. 

It’s the reason you picked up so quickly on the tell-tale signs of attraction by Little Miss Next Door Neighbor. She was looking at him the way all women did when they wanted to be swept up by a man. They wanted to be handled, and led, and submissive. Something you could never be. To a man? Absolutely not. 

This argument you were having with no one but yourself was interrupted when Joel called your name with a tone that indicated to you it wasn’t the first or second time he was calling it. You blinked and focused your eyes, finding he was only partially visible – most of him being shrouded by the fridge that he now stood behind.

“S’not working because it’s dirty. Do you have a handheld vacuum?”

Approaching him, you contorted your body around it to sneak a peek at what he was looking at. “It stopped working because it’s dirty?”

“Could be somethin’ faulty inside, but the condenser coils and gasket seals are a mess. My guess is it’s just that,”

“I called some handyman and he told me I needed a brand new fridge,”

Joel peeked his head out to look at you, “why you callin’ some random handyman when you got one ‘cross the street?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “I was going to but you worked weird hours this week and were never home when I looked out my window.”

“So you are spying on me,” he chuckled. “That’s why you’re jealous of Kelly,”

“Who’s jealous?!” It wasn’t lost on you that your voice rose about an octave or two higher than your normal register. You were sure Joel clocked that, too. “I’m just making sure you know she’s got a big ol’ schoolgirl crush on you,”

“She doesn’t ‘cause we’ve gone out before and it wasn’t a match.”

“Does she know that?” 

“I’d say she does,”

You smirked, having a little fun poking the bear. “How do you know?”

“Because when a woman gets naked and propositions a man for sex, and he says no, it’s usually a pretty definitive sign.”

“Yeah, right,” you laughed incredulously, “no man looks at a woman who’s ready to fuck and says no to her.”

“This man does,” he looked you dead in the eyes and held your gaze. “You got a vacuum?”

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

The resoluteness of Joel’s answer had honestly come as a shock. It was something you knew you’d want to circle back on at some point simply because of how insane it seemed. A straight guy turning down sex from a woman? He had to have been the first man in history to do so. The thought kept you busy while your refrigerator kept him busy. Coincidentally, you both became significantly less busy around the same time.

“It works again?”

Joel plugged the fridge back into the wall and stepped out from behind it. He wiped his hands in a rag you’d brought out for him, which just happened to be one of your old, white t-shirts. He didn’t seem to care. Or notice. “Gotta give it a few minutes. See if it’s gettin’ cold,'' he looked up at you, noting how you began to get a little more fidgety, looking around. He wasn’t sure why; perhaps just itching to get him out of your house. “You got any food for dinner?”

“Yeah,” you said half-heartedly, thinking about how you were about to endure yet another day of some sad, canned soup. “I can whip up a can of something,”

He shook his head and waved you off, “come by tonight. I’ll fix you a meal,”

“You just fixed my fridge.”

“Maybe,” he smiled.

“I should be cooking you a meal,”

He shook his head vehemently, “I haven’t eaten chicken noodle soup since I was about nine, and I don’t aim to start up again.” He pulled open the fridge door, set his hands on one of the shelves and decided it was slightly colder than it had been just a couple minutes prior. “It should be good to go now,” he loaded up his toolbox and locked it up. “Swing by around seven. If you stand me up, I’m coming back over here and breaking the damn thing,”

“Joel,”

“Seven.”

With that, he was out before you could protest again. Somehow both of you knew you’d be showing up to his house that night. Annoyance bubbled up at your surface with the realization that not only did you know you weren’t going to disobey him, but he knew it too. The few hours between him leaving and you showing back up on his porch for dinner had been spent sulking. Whatever this was becoming – you weren’t sure what just friendship looked like with a boy because no single, unattached boy you’d ever met only wanted friendship – was getting to be too much. There needed to be a line drawn in the sand. You needed to draw the line in the sand. And more importantly, after the line was drawn, you and Joel needed to be securely on opposite sides of it.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

But curse this man and his ability to put ideas in your head. Horrible, awful, domestic ideas. The sorts of ideas that made you think this image of him: on the back porch with a beer in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other, a dish towel slung over his shoulder for quick access, flipping over and inspecting a couple steaks, chewing on his bottom lip as he pondered how close to medium they were getting… was an image you could get used to seeing.

It was how all boys in the past had gotten you.

They wooed you with their little acts here and there of masculinity. Or their wit. Or just cute looks. They made you believe that they were different. That they were honest, and open, and evolved. And you’d get sucked in and follow the white rabbit down the hole. For a while it’d all be good. You would actually believe that you had found an evolved man that you could coexist with and be happy. But after the momentary bliss, you’d come to realize that the wool had been pulled over your eyes. You’d been deceived and lied to. The boy could not manage his own emotions, let alone understand yours. You’d sit in the anger that you betrayed your sense of self to make room for this boy, and only when you’d talked yourself far enough off the ledge, you’d explode like a time bomb. Afterwards, a tiny piece of you would be the only thing left to go around picking up all the other little fragments of yourself. And you’d put yourself back together with tape and a promise that you wouldn’t ever allow another to break you like that again. That is, until another boy found his way to you and made you think he was different. And thus the cycle continued.

“You have family out here?” Joel looked up from the barbecue and took a sip of his beer while he waited for you to answer.

Taking a step forward and buying some time by swigging down a gulp of your beer, you shook your head. “They’re all in California still. Just had to get away. What about you?”

He nodded and closed the grill, “Sarah’s a few hours away at school and her mom’s ‘bout a half hour away. But my brother’s here. I work with him actually,”

“You must be close with him,”

Joel nodded absently.

“But no wife for Joel Miller,” you smiled, half-hidden by your bottle. “I take it no girlfriend either since apparently you don’t like getting laid,”

He laughed. It was the first real, hearty laugh you’d heard from him. It seemed to shake his whole body and he opened the grill back up and plucked the steaks off it, depositing them on an awaiting plate. “I like getting laid. It might be my favorite thing to do,”

“That’s why I think you’re full of shit. Turning down, what’s her name…”

“Kelly…”

“You’re telling me,” you approached Joel slowly, got right up close to him, and dragged a delicate finger over one of his shoulders and down his bicep to prove a point. “A woman… an attractive woman, I’d say… stripped down in front of you, told you to have your way with her, and you said no thanks,”

Joel watched your finger. His tongue poked out of his mouth quickly to lick his lips before he flashed his eyes back to you, obviously finding great pleasure that his gaze in this close proximity made you avert your own eyes downward. “Exactly,”

You half-smiled and shook your head as you took a step back, “bullshit.”

He shut off the grill and scooped the plate up. “Explain to me why you think that’s bullshit,” he meandered past you and pulled his back door open, allowing you the chance to walk in first before he followed you in.

Instinctively, you progressed into the kitchen, where two stools at the counter were awaiting with place settings. You perched in one while Joel set the steaks down by you and continued to the oven where he pulled out a tray of roasted vegetables. “Because you’re a guy,”

“Man,” he corrected and started placing food on your plate.

“A man,” you mocked. When he finished giving you food and moved onto his, “thank you. And men don’t do that. They chase pleasure. They get their dick wet and they move on down the line, leaving a path of destruction in their wake,”

This time, Joel waited to respond until he was seated next to you. He clinked his bottle against yours, “thanks for coming over.”

“To be honest, I was actually afraid you’d blow up my fridge and I can’t really afford a new one right now,”

“But I’m gonna have to disagree with you,” he focused on his plate and cut into his steak. Seemingly pleased with the degree with which it was cooked, he took a first bite. “Men don’t only care, as you so delicately put, about getting their dick wet.”

“Joel, come on, you know…”

“Boys do. For sure. A boy would look at you, a beautiful woman, and see a direct path to his pleasure. Absolutely. And a boy probably wouldn’t care too much about whether or not you were getting as much out of it as he was. ‘Cause he’s getting his, right?”

You nodded, silently pushing a mixture of steak and veggies into your mouth, enraptured with where he was going to take this conversation. And slightly unable to concentrate past the point of having heard him call you beautiful. 

“Men don’t do that. A man would look at you and see that yes, you’re a beautiful woman. But he’d also see that you’ve got a helluva brain, and you’re witty, and funny, and more than a little stubborn. He’d see that you hold yourself and everyone else to a high standard, and he’d want to meet it. And when he slept with you, he’d want to make sure you were getting more out of it than he was,”

Awe-struck was the only word to describe how you felt. Was a guy actually verbalizing everything you already believed? That there was a difference between boys and men. And that most guys thought they were men simply because of their age, when you knew age meant nothing in defining a man. 

Joel took a deep breath and finished off his beer, “I turned Kelly down because I knew if I slept with her I’d be taking on a lot more than I wanted to with her. And despite whatever your experience with men might be, this one’s not out to leave a path of destruction behind him.”

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

What were these complicated feelings inside of you? Someone who prided themselves on being emotionally intelligent and level-headed and yet… you were spinning like a top. On the one hand you wanted to keep everyone a safe arm’s length away, and on the other you wanted Joel to scale the walls you’d constructed and fortified around yourself. For a long time there was an odd sense of accomplishment at how tall and strong you’d managed to build them. Look at how good they were at keeping people out. But now there was someone in front of you that you thought you wanted to let in – only in constructing your walls, you never put in a gate. And that ribbon of apathy, and the moments of enduring loneliness, maybe it was all self-inflicted.

Who knew how to hurt you better than you?

The beer helped dull those thoughts. Finishing off the second as the conversation meandered through Joel’s last relationship. A topic that would’ve given you supreme pause, and yet he recounted it with ease as if he were just a court reporter, tasked with jotting down the facts. He even acknowledged his role in the dissolution of that relationship. His eyes seemed to glaze over and travel to a distant land as he described all the ways he didn’t measure up. How he was never quite what that woman wanted. And how he had no idea how to become what she wanted. On the flip side, he admitted she’d started off as someone that only saw the moon with him. She’d kept some nights from being too cold and lonely. Only when a certain amount of time passed, did she speak up and sort of declare a relationship was there. 

That conversation ended when a third bottle was grabbed for each and moved to the living room. Both on the couch, you with your back pressed up against one of the arm’s of it. Your knees bent with feet planted securely on the cushion. And Joel sitting as close as he could with your legs creating a physical boundary between you. Even his thigh covered your toes, as if seeing how close to the boundary he could get. Despite feeling like this was someone you wanted to let through your walls, however temporarily, your brain still managed to cut off any inkling from your heart – using your body as the vehicle to keep everyone at bay.

“Hmm?” Joel hummed and grabbed your attention back to the present. “‘S’not fair leaving me hanging after I just spilled all my gory relationship details. What about yours?”

You shook your head, trying to appear innocent, “there’s not much to say.”

“Say anything,”

Staring at him, you took a deep breath and a generous sip of your new beer. Then feeling on the good side of buzzed, you stretched forward to move for the coffee table. Seeing your plight and the awkwardness of the angle given that you weren’t inclined to lower your legs to make the action smoother, Joel leaned forward, gently took the bottle from your hands and set it on the table for you.  

“He was nice at the start. A bit older than me. I thought it meant we’d be on the same wavelength for once, y’know? That he’d outgrown the frat boy, tool bag phase and moved into a more evolved one. It got physical quick and it was… awful.” You glanced down at your hands, remembering for the first time in a while about what sleeping with that guy felt like – a trial run with hari-kari, complete and self-inflicted betrayal.

With your pause and sensing obvious discomfort, Joel reached across his body and got a loose grip on your shin. He gave it a soft squeeze that felt like permission to stop if you were so inclined. But it didn’t hurt like it used to; as if you had been able to remove yourself from the equation and were now just recounting the plot of some terrible film you’d seen once.

Shrugging and with a half-smile he couldn’t place, you looked back up at Joel, “he had a good time.”

“Was it ever good for you?” He mumbled as though he didn’t actually want to hear the answer. And because you hadn’t reacted in any way to his hand on your shin, he took a chance and used that grip to lower your leg across his lap.

“No, but I’m a helluva actress.”

He raised his eyebrows and absently took hold of your other leg and lowered that one across his lap, too. Now the literal barrier you’d put between you had been carefully circumvented. “He never stopped to figure it out?”

You shook your head, “he was getting his, Joel. See, it’s hard to figure out when you’re dealing with a boy. They hide it well,”

Joel reached forward and set his half-empty beer next to yours on the coffee table. When he reclined back to his previous position, his hands migrated to your feet and squeezed them with a familiarity of an old married couple who’d been practicing this dance for decades.

“It ended two and a half years ago, so a distant memory,”

He only nodded. You thought he’d have something about that. Something like what’ve you been doing for two years without a man. But maybe he figured you were doing just fine. Probably better. So he only squeezed your feet again before his hands migrated a little further north to your knees, fingers just barely dipping between your thighs that you’d managed to keep pressed together. Finally he asked:

“No fillers in the meantime?”

It made you laugh. Any number of innuendo could be applied to his question. It was also at this point that you felt your resolve fading. The will to keep him at bay becoming less of a conscious effort. “No fillers. Not really my style,”

“Not a one night stand kinda girl?” He smirked and shot a playful glance at you. There was no chance he was unaware that the press of your thighs together had lessened. Any further action of his hand would’ve resulted in him going wherever he wanted, however he wanted. But he didn’t. His hand remained where it was, gaining no further purchase and adding no extra pressure.

“Would you be if sex was never good for you?”

He chuckled and threw his head back against the couch, “fair enough.” He shook his head, absently staring at the ceiling. Only when he’d gathered his thoughts and words did he shift his gaze back to you. “People are simple creatures,” there was a slight pause and though you opened your mouth to refute that, he continued first. “I mean the biology part. It’s not hard to get a woman off,”

“Okay, hotshot. Let me go get a horn for you to toot a little louder,”

He grinned widely, showing off nearly every tooth in his mouth. The look made you smile as well – like a kid getting caught opening presents before Christmas. “There’s a lot of hard tasks in this world,” he pursed his lips and shrugged, “making a woman come isn’t one of them.”

The heat you’d felt rising in your chest and neck after he’d successfully moved your mattress into your bedroom was returning. Only this time, you felt it settle in your cheeks, and you wondered if he was aware of it. Your eyes were glued to him, wide, trying to pick up on as much visual information they could get. What you found was Joel adding the slightest of pressure between your knees to spread your thighs just enough for him to pivot on the couch and face you squarely.

You swallowed down a lump in your throat, eyes flicking over the sight of him: the way graying curls moved across his forehead, or the way his eyes never left yours. Not even for a second. Not even when he was positioning himself closer to you, kneeling back on his shins with his thighs nudging yours upward at an angle. He smiled softly, a gentle thing that instantly put you at greater ease, and leaned in closer to you, planting his hands on the couch on either side of your chest.

“Can I kiss you?” His focus wandered down to your lips when they parted. 

In all your years of life, no one had ever asked that, and it took you aback, scrambling to make sense of the English you believed you were fluent in. But you nodded quickly and assumed that would’ve been the green light. Probably would’ve for most people, but as you were coming to learn, Joel wasn’t quite like most people.

He smiled and bowed his head, taking a breath to gather himself. In the meantime, his hair was close to your nose and the muskiness of his scent was everything you thought and wanted it to be. He raised his head and looked at you again, his eyes practically pleading. “Can we make that verbal?”

“Yes,” you exhaled. But when it didn’t result in his lips meeting yours with haste, you tried again. “Kiss me,”

Like a fire ignited under him, Joel closed the rest of the gap between you. Hands drifting to your cheeks, he cupped your head with the most practiced of ease and pressed his mouth to yours, first with closed lips to test the waters before the next action was the parting of his lips on yours. His tongue searched for entrance into your mouth, finding it when a soft breath was exhaled.

While trying not to talk yourself out of this moment, you also tried to think about the last time you’d been kissed like this. Or kissed at all, period. But like this, with want, and desire, and passion. Like all of Joel was made for this exact moment: to kiss you with the intention of every fiber of his being; to make your brain go foggy and blur out everything that did not add to this need. It was as if he could sense you slipping away from him, focused elsewhere instead of letting yourself buy into this, and he recaptured you with a soft bite to your lower lip. He re-positioned his hands; one at the side of your neck and jaw, and the other gripping onto your hip, adjusting you further until your ass was pressed up against his crotch. 

He forced himself to pull back, slight enough to be able to speak but still close enough to press his forehead against yours. “Stay with me. Don’t go somewhere else,” 

Your instinct was to protest, that you weren’t about to leave, but realized he’d picked up on the thing you were wondering about. The thing no guy had ever picked up on, or cared to, before. The distance your brain was willing to create between itself and your body.

“Joel,” you whispered, sounding slightly more needy than you would’ve hoped. 

“I know,” he murmured back. His hand ditched your hip for a split second and took hold of your wrist. Led it up over his shoulder and to the back of his neck, until the backs of your fingers brushed along the ends of his hair. Without fail, you softly clutched into it. “Stay with me. Right here,” his hand went back to your hip and your lips reconnected. Open-mouthed with his tongue pressing into yours. He tilted his head to the side and groaned into your mouth, sending a vibration down your throat, past your chest, through your stomach, and straight to your core.

You hummed back into his mouth, for once closing your eyes and letting yourself live in the feeling his lips could administer. The heat that had already been living in your cheeks seemed to amplify with the size of him around you. His broad shoulders meeting a wide chest that seemed to dwarf you. Large hands that effortlessly cupped around your hip or engulfed your cheek. He was everywhere at once and when he ducked his head lower to kiss your neck, landing a love bite on your jugular, it took extra measures to keep yourself grounded and there for him.

Your hand slowly released the hair at the nape of his neck, and slid down over his shoulder to his chest, followed the seam at the side of his t-shirt until your fingertips reached the hem at the bottom. With fingers tucking beneath the fabric and meeting the skin at his oblique, you felt him exhale a hot breath against your neck, his hips shifting beneath you. As you ran your hand north, you took stock of the muscles your fingers passed, and how while still present and firm, they’d grown less pronounced with age. A softness to his body that he’d earned the right to after years of hard labor. Or so you assumed by the feeling of calloused hands on you. 

Gauging what you wanted from him as your hands worked their way upward, pushing his shirt up with them, he groaned not wanting to take his lips off your neck, but doing so anyway to sit back. With a swift motion, he tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor unceremoniously. He wiped his hand down over his mouth and shook his head as if in disbelief as he pressed his hands back into the couch on either side of you, “god, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

His eyes danced their way over every feature on your face as if trying to commit them to memory, before they drifted lower, down to where your hips met his. But all this unadulterated looking sparked a flame of timidness inside you, and your instinct to quell the nerves was to grab for him, urging him back to you. If he was busy with his lips on you – any part of you – it’d keep his eyes from boring holes into you. His lips met yours again with fervor, this time forcing his tongue into your mouth. A helpless moan floated out of your throat and Joel responded by laying a hand at your neck. Fingers around it but applying no pressure.

“Bed. Please,” you whispered so low you wondered if you had wanted him to hear it or not. 

But it was like he was attuned to you and your body more than any previous guy had been. And in hearing your request, he moved his lips back to your neck and you felt a smile spread across his face, pressing against your skin.

“Please tell me you’re not drunk,” he mumbled against your skin. So tight that it distorted his words and had you humming for instant clarification. He lifted his head and looked back down at you, as if his eyes alone would be able to figure out the answer. “Drunk?”

You ran your hands up to his chest, “on two and a half beers?”

“That’s not an answer,” he let out a breath and drifted his hand from your neck, down to your chest where he gave one of your breasts a squeeze. You noticed at the same moment, he reached around to your ass but avoided it to simply adjust himself in his jeans.

“I’d have to be drunk to want to sleep with you?”

“I reckon it’d help,” he grinned boyishly and bent in again for another tongue-led kiss as though he couldn’t help himself.

You grabbed either side of his face in your hands and curled your fingers into his beard. “Not drunk, just want you,” there was a lack of movement on his end and you weren’t sure if he was short-circuiting or trying to figure out if someone your size could indeed get drunk on two and a half beers. Either way, you tapped his ribs, “now, if possible.”

[hattersarts]

gomens s2 thoughts, all spoilers!

I spent 10 hours talking to my housemate about the season after we binged the whole thing in the morning but here are the highlights and the biggest takeaways from the season.

okay i did love the ending, i love that we get the conformation of love AND going into the divorce arc next season (if they're not properly together by the end of season 3 however, i am rioting) they're slow burn and a whole season of them getting to the final 10mins was tasty.

HOWEVER. it was an extremely clunky season when it comes to writing, lots of either set ups missed OR set ups repeated 4 times that they're drilled into out heads. there was also lots of dialogue that really needed to be tightened up. the lesbians were so poorly written i thought they might have needed to be cut BUT they just needed to have more bearing on the rest of the plot AND say things like real people would say things and LITERALLY SHOW ONE SINGLE REASON WHY THEY WOULD LIKE EACH OTHER WITHIN THE FIRST EPISODE.

gabe/bulz romance was the one that should have been cut, have them do more of a oh-my-god-my-boss-sucks kind of thing, lean into them complaining about having to avert a civil war after armageddon stopped and touch on the "structural problems" the angels mention later. Have gabe/bulz be super punished for working together which puts huge fear into az and crowley about what happens if you try to team up as an angel/demon pair (but an extra reason why az takes the job at the end so he and crowley can be the same)

imo it works more if the only mirror of their romance is the HUMANS which should lean into themes to season 3 of how they need to team up with humans (re:"us vs them" line at the end of season 1) to actually achieve their happy ending.

Nina and maggies best scene was their last one telling crowley he needed to talk to az but i think that was one that needed to be cut, it would have been far more satisfying to have crowely work out it out himself that he loves az and wants to tell him (still via maggie and nina but more subtle rather than them telling him to his face AND via spending more time with az in the season)

flashbacks were all pretty good, loved the jobe one and that final "lonely" scene. the nazi one needed some trimming the most (why did all three come back to earth, it made scenes too crowed, have them fight to be a zombie)

shax was disappointing, she was kind of just incompetent the whole way through which didnt make the stakes very exciting, (that whole scene of her talking to the legion was unfunny and pointless) i wanted crowley to mentor her more like when he gave her advice in the first few meetings we saw (kind of in a very non-demonic way, not expecting anything in return) and her to then meet him on equal footing in the finale. would have been a little accidental taste for Crowley to have his good deeds come back to haunt him while showing he's different to demons.

speaking of the finale fight, that halo had NO set up, it was sick as hell but ??? the fuck did that come from. the fight should have been won by az and crowley performing another HUGE miracle together, discorporating the demons (which then would alert heaven and hell something was up in the bookshop and the final scene can happen)

az taking the job from metatron was very good, its consistent with his character where he still hasn't let go of his faith in good/god, he's only been upset by the angels running heaven and still has faith in the system while crowley has realised none of it works and it's only them together that matters. it was nice to show he still hasn't truly accepted crowley for who he is now (tho imo he knows he loves him, he just hasn't quite unrepressed himself) and him not turning down the job after crowley confesses to him shows he still thinks he can fix it. Crowley on the other hand thinks he's now lost him, az has broken he the trust he had in him, he's going to be in big depression mode

few thoughts of good directions for S3:

finally delivering on what crowley said at the end of S1 I think is the most satisfying. the final showdown should be humans Vs heaven/hell with Crowley and az on the human side, helping them win the conflict. there would be suggestions that this is actually god's ineffable plan, this is a conflict she wants to happen and the things that Crowley and az went through are what make them perfect ambassadors to help the humans.

the set up for az in S3 to finally work out he and Crowley can't work out within the unfair rules of the system and for him to abandon heaven (tho not I think, becoming a demon) is good. a sucky ending imo for season 3 is if az somehow "fixes" heaven and via bureaucracy and not via blowing it all up.

growth moments for Crowley in S3 might be having more contact with humans since he's already abandoned hell and it would put az & crowley on similar footing (as az very much loves humans already) when they decided to side with humans for a humans Vs heaven/hell conflict.

anyway, gay people

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

acacia and grayson head canons

@never-enough-novels requested this so here it is! it might be short bc im so tired but we'll see. this is also my only hcs post today. i think that after im done with my current requests i'll take a break for a few days. i really apologize if these suck. hope you like them <3. @ariscats helped with this. i love her sm. I apologize for any spelling mistakes or things that dont make sense. im too lazy to proof read.

she insists on giving him a hug whenever they leave the other even though he tries to act tough (tries to act like he doesn't want one)

she'll buy him suits she thinks he'd like whenever she's out and either ships them or shows up at his house with them wrapped in gift paper.

they'll sit on the floor and look at old pictures of savannah and gigi in these picture books that acacia has.

acacia ends up creating a separate picture book for grayson (and also has one with the three (sav, gigi, and gray) of them all together - 3 picture books in total)

when acacia first met skye, she 'accidently' poured wine all over skye's white dress cause acacia knows she’s a horrible mother to gray.

acacia asks grayson for fashion advice whenever she doesn't know what to wear. she'll send him pics of options she has to wear and he'll reply with comments for each and everyone of them (like dress #1- this color doesn't match your skin tone as well as the others. dress #2 - this dress is not suitable for winter, etc)

she majored in art when she was in school, she didn't really do anything with her degree but, when grayson shows up, starts trying to teach him all of the things she knows. he already knows how to paint but doesn't say anything so that he can spend time with her.

acacia calls him under the pretense of having a favor to ask, but, in reality, she just wants to make sure he's ok and doesn't want to scare him away by just calling to ask about his feelings.

he spends some time at the graysons manor every year. he and acacia like to just stay quiet and observe the nature/read/paint together

acacia and grayson will go out on nature walks where he takes pictures with his camera and she paints those pictures (she's very talented and the paintings look very realistic)

acacia goes to his graduation (harvard. she helps him decide do go back)

nash calls acacia whenever gray gets sick so that she can come over to hawthorne house and take care of him (cause he can't take care of himself. he always ends up overworking himself and shit). she makes him soup, gets all of the medications he needs, etc  (i also hc that she's literally a miracle worker when someone is sick. she can literally make them better with her concoctions in a matter of hours)

when grayson sits down to play the piano, sometimes acacia will appear out of nowhere, sit down next to him, and sway to the music. gray got more confident over time and started singing sometimes too. she'd harmonize with him and shit. basically, its really beautiful.

they love watching historical romances together. they've watched so many that whenever they greet each other, gray will bow down and kiss her hand like all of those men in fictional historical tv shows.

grayson went out to buy acacia skincare at some point in time bc he once saw her bathroom (and thus the products she uses) and he was so horrified he gasped. he made her promise to never use that shit again.

acacia loves birkin bags so grayson gets her one every year for her birthday

when acacia goes on business trips (idk why though cause she has no money but she takes trips in my head), she always buys a pen from the country she's in to give to gray so he can add it to his collection.

speaking of her business trips, grayson stays at her house when she’s gone to water her plants (she loves them).

when they paint/read/take walks in silence, they either listen to laufey or taylor swift.

grayson is really big on labeling things. he labels his binders, notebooks, pens, clothes etc and sometimes acacia sits there with him creating labels for him. (20)

whenever they watch tv, grayson cuddles up in acacia’s arms. no one says a thing, and it stays between them

grayson secretly paints acacia sometimes when she isn’t watching (or so he thinks). 

I mentioned earlier that acacia loves plants and flowers. grayson would totally go out, buy tons of different kinds of flowers, and make her custom made bouquets.

although she’s not his mother, grayson still buys her a mother’s day gift (a bouquet of flowers, and smth else (that changes every year) like some new paint, perfume, etc)

they wanted to start learning smth together as a bonding activity of sorts so they got into pottery. they watched videos (cause they didn’t want to get a teacher/attend classes) and practiced as often as they could together. they would laugh at each other in the end cause clay would end up everywhere. they’re now quite good at it and make each other little things every now and then

they are huge fans of listening to music the ‘old’ way. whenever they listen to music, they listen to vinyls or cassettes.

whenever they see each other, they go out and buy themselves bubble tea.

speaking of bubble tea, sometimes acacia will take some of the remaining bubbles (she never eats/drinks all of them) and throws them at grayson to loosen him up a bit. he does the same sometimes and they have what they call ‘bubble tea fights’.

[gaystayzennie]

I Did Everything I Was Supposed To Do (pt.1)

Haechan x male reader

Summary: Finals week turns out to be the final breaking point for y/n, but luckily Haechan is around right when you need him

Warnings: fluff, some angst: homophobia, allusions to panic disorder, stress

“Fuck. I can’t believe I forgot about the final on Monday. Fuck fuck fuck” Y/n cursed under his breath as he walked as fast as he could toward the entrance to his boyfriend’s place. Y/n had a million things to do the next few days already, and now he had a final to cram for on top of it all. “One thing at a time” he told himself knowing it’s what Hyuck would tell him if they were together right now. He didn’t really listen to this advice of course… especially coming from his own mouth instead of his cute adorable boyfriend.Oh God. I wish he was here so bad. But Haechan was still at the dance studio and would be for the next several hours. That’s why y/n was even entering Haechan’s apartment right now in the first place; Daegal needed to be taken out while Haechan was gone.

He HAD to have his stupid extra long dance rehearsal today of course. On the day where he already had to finish a ton of assignments and now cram for a test. Y/n quickly threw his backpack on the ground and sprinted over to daegal scooping her up before she even knew what was happening. While he waited for Daegal to do her business and walk around a little, y/n got back to planning his study schedule in his head. If I start by studying for the exam… I can trade every 45 minutes from cramming to working on the lab report for my other class. Fuck! That depends on whether the others ever filled in their data. Ok so I’ll save that for the end and work on the PowerPoint instead even though it’s due the longest from now. As long as I cut myself off at around 1:00 am, that should be enough sleep to take the exam at 9:30 the next day. It was going to be a rough night, but y/n decided he’d just have to work away and hope for the best.

Y/N went back inside and scooped his backpack up again to go work in Hyuck’s bedroom. He found the smell of his boyfriend clinging to the room to be extremely comforting and he hoped it would help him stay calm and focused on his work. He opened up his laptop to the lecture notes for the exam and began skimming them for any confusing topics that jumped out at him. What the? I only know like 2 of these concepts?? I’m screwed. Y/N new from plenty of old tests that it would only make things worse if he worried about it now, and feeling himself start to panic, he decided to work on the PowerPoint instead. He figured he should just finish all his other assignments so that he could then spend the entire rest of the night studying.

An hour into working on the PowerPoint y/n’s phone buzzed. He opened it to find a message from one of his lab partners that read “hey y/n I’m really sorry but I’m actually boarding a plane right now so I’m not gonna be able to finish my part of the lab. Maybe you can ask [partner name 2] for her data? I think she got mine down too.”

Y/n: “I’ll ask her.”

Partner 1: “KK.”

“Gotta go, sorry again!”

Partner 2: “Shit. I don’t have her values either y/n. I’m pretty sure that part of the lab was online though, so one of us can just do the lab at home right now.”

“Oh wait actually, I have to take both of my finals on Monday. It’s due Tuesday right? So I won’t have time to do her part. Y/n any chance you can do it?”

Y/n: “ I only have one midterm tomorrow… I guess I can do it if no one else can.”

Partner 2: “Ur the best bro! Tysm <3”

Y/n: …

.

.

Fuck me. How am I supposed to do [p/n 1]’s work for them on top of everything else? Y/n barely had enough time to do all his work as it was. And he had done all of HIS work on the lab already too. He thought he’d just quickly analyze his partner’s data and then turn it in… but no. This is totally unfair. I have more work than either of them, and I’m doing their work for them too on top of it all. Y/n’s eyes grew misty for a second threatening to turn into tears, but y/n shook his head hard and the urge to cry went away for now. He had to get back to— wait no. He needed to cook dinner. With no Hyuck home to cook dinner like usual, he was going to starve if he didn’t make something for himself. Standing up quickly y/n smacked his arm on Hyuck’s dresser skinning it in the process. Great. Now he was bleeding. And it had gotten on his white shirt too. Except it wasn’t his shirt, it was his boyfriend’s shirt that he had borrowed. Y/n was this close to screaming in frustration, but stripped off the shirt quickly and made his way to the bathroom to clean the spot before it stained. And of course, he needed to throw it in the washer if he really didn’t want it to stain, and that meant he should really just do all of Haechan’s laundry now. So heart now racing in a slight panic, y/n gathered the laundry and started the cycle as quickly as possible so that he could start on dinner.

Opting for the most time efficient option, y/n grabbed some pasta and left it to boil while he got back to work for a few minutes. There sure was a lot on his mind now between the pasta he was cooking, Daegal (who he suddenly remembered needed to be fed as well), the lab report, the final exam in a day, Haechan’s laundry that still needed to be dried, folded, and put away, and the millions of other things he needed to get done before going home to his family at the end of the week. And the trip home would be another ordeal that required a lot of planning and prep work. Y/n had a lot of problems at home due to his conservative family and their recent discovery that he was dating Haechan. But that’s silly. I shouldn’t worry about that right now. And it’s not like it’s anything new knowing they all disapprove of my “lifestyle choice”. That’s old news, and I need to focus on this. Y/n went back to his multitasking and eventually got Daegal fed, the laundry in the dryer, and got a good portion of the lab done.

At 10:30 y/n finally felt satisfied with the PowerPoint and had finished collecting most of the data his partner was supposed to do. So he went to wash all the dishes he had left out at dinner and put away the leftovers as a quick study break. He smiled at the pasta he’d saved for Haechan knowing it would make his boyfriend’s day to find food ready for him after a long night of dance practice. When he walked back into Hyuck’s bedroom to finish the lab, he noticed several notifications on his phone again.

Mom: Hey you’re coming home on Wednesday right? You’ll be done with finals week by then?

Dad: Hey y/n you better have a gift ready for your mother when you come home on Tuesday. She’s still pretty upset about Haechan, so you should really try to make her feel better.

Bro: Dude mom and dad are pissed cuz dad thought you were coming home Tuesday after your final, and then mom told him you said Wednesday. So he flipped and said you were probably staying longer to fuck Haechan or something

Y/N: I told them both Wednesday. I AM spending Tuesday night at Hyuck’s place. But I just wanted a night to relax before immediately coming home

Don’t tell them that… just say I’m busy or something

Bro: sorry bro, that’s not gonna work. You better come home Tuesday or they’re gonna make the trip absolute hell for you

Y/N: fuck ok fine, I’ll make it work

Y/n was getting more and more stressed by the second. And now he wouldn’t even get any sort of buffer between finals week and seeing his family. And fuck he had that feeling in his head- that feeling of anxiety setting in- making him slightly dizzy and his chest tight. Fuck. Fuck. I’m gonna have a panic attack. I know it’s coming. Should I call Hyuck? He should be on his way home by now anyway right? Ok fuck. Yeah he should call his boyfriend. Maybe he could talk him through it. He prayed he was right and Hyuck would actually answer his phone, and to his relief, Hyuck answered right away.

“y/n! I’m on my way home and practice went pretty well! I think the show is going to be really good this quarter. Have you made dinner yet? And how’s the studying going?” He was so excited to hear his y/n ie’s voice on the phone. “Hyuck.” Y/n felt the lump in his throat form and wasn’t able to get out the rest of your words as he broke into tears. “Y/n? What’s wrong love? Are you ok?” No words came out of y/n as he began to hyperventilate. Haechan could hear y/n’s shallow breathing and put together that he must be having a panic attack. He assured y/n he’d be there in the next ten minutes and stayed on the phone with him until he rushed through the door exactly ten minutes later, Immediately making his way over to y/n huddled in the corner of his bed crying and hyperventilating. From past experience he knew y:n liked him to stay close until he was able to calm down and talk.

Haechan slowly climbed into the bed, sliding his body between your back and the bed frame, wrapping his arms around you in a comforting bear hug. “I’ve got you y/n. I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere.” Y/n began shaking in Haechan’s arms unable to fully process what was happening with his mind completely taken over by panic at this point. Haechan rested his chin on y/n’s soft hair and hummed a song. Y/n did his best to focus on the light vibrations on his head from Haechan’s tune. “I’ll just talk about my day a little too ok y/n? Squeeze my hand if you’d like that.” Y/n’s eyes remained squeezed tight, and his body was still trembling, but he gives Haechan’s hand a light squeeze back. “Ok love. Let’s see… I saw Jungwoo today! I know he’s your favorite dance major right? He was really cool to watch, you were right! He might even be more charismatic than me” he teased. Y/n didn’t laugh out loud or acknowledge him, but he appreciated Hyuck trying to lighten the mood. “I spent most of the night working on my duet with Mark though. They have us doing this really acrobatic hiphop song and it’s a lot of work. I’ve memorized all the footwork though. It was kind of funny watching Mark struggle with it more than me for once honestly. Next time you should tag along and watch. When it’s not finals week of course!” He adds, giving a small pec to your forehead.

“Is that why you’re stressed by the way? Finals?” He doesn’t really expect y/n to give any responses yet. But much to his surprise you shake your head in response. “No. More.” Y/n says quietly, starting to breath a little more evenly. “What else baby? What’s stressing you out.”

“Everything!” Y/n exclaims. “So much. TOO much” y/n squeaks out bursting into more tears. Haechan gently shushes you and squeezes his arms tighter around your body and begins planting little kisses all over your head to comfort you. “It’s ok y/n. It’s ok.” Hyuck can feel y/n’s body body relax a tiny bit despite his sobs. Y/n spins around melting into Haechan and burying his face in his chest

To be continued…

[stuckinapril]

Hi Cianna, just wanted to say I really admire your study ethic and general vibe on this blog (you inspire me to do better!)

Do you have any advice/tips for good study habits and staying focused? I find that I get some work done, but after a break I can't get back on track

Sorry for the long ask/ studyblr type of question;; what is your favourite hairstyle that you do with your hair! (I also have curly brown hair :)

Have a lovely day also <3

🌻🌻

hi! i touch on a lot of points in this other ask, but a few specific learning techniques i abide by are:

parkinson's law. parkinson's law states that work expands to fill the time. basically if you have an essay that's due in a week, it will magically take you one week to get it done, even if the task itself could've been done in one day. to counter this i just set artifical deadlines for myself--even if an essay is due in a week, my personal deadline has it due in two days.

prime your brain prior to learning. if you need to study a biology chapter, pre-skim it the night before. this is not the time to go into detail--it's the time to familiarize yourself with the overview of the topic, so you should only be making a quick scan of the chapter. another priming method is to make a concept map of topics before diving into a chapter. as you skim write down key terms haphazardly, google those you don't recognize, and draw a concept map linking them together. this is effective bc it requires you to actually put effort into connecting the topics, takes no longer than 15 minutes, and speeds up the learning process that follows. it doesn't matter if you find out you're wrong once you dive in; what's important is you're actively thinking of how these topics coexist, as opposed to mindlessly taking notes or highlighting only to forget what you learned a couple hours later. i'm also a fan of concept maps bc i get to go back and highlight stuff i'm weak in, which is always a plus.

if you like to take notes, use it as another means of active recall. don't just passively take notes as you go along. what i like to do is i read a paragraph, close the book, then try to take down notes based off memory alone. this helps me both phrase the topic in my own words and realize what my learning gaps are, rather than just passively summarize without putting effort into truly understanding/memorizing something. anything i get wrong i hammer into my brain until i can't get it wrong anymore.

take notes effectively. our brain does not learn in sentences and paragraphs. it learns in bullet points, diagrams, and figures--and that's how i like to frame my notes. first i ask myself if i actually need to take notes to begin with, or if there are online notes out there i can use to save time (which, as a stem student, there typically are). if i do decide to take notes, i never mindlessly summarize. i always condense the material into bullet points, diagrams, concept maps, or visual representations. i also like to phrase my notes as questions rather than just passive summaries, so that when i review them i'm already testing myself in a way. most people would not understand my notes bc they're either very low-yield stuff, stuff i'm weak in, or bare-bones fragments of information.

always prioritize weaknesses. if you're weaker at chapter 18 of your textbook vs chapter 1, maybe start with chapter 18. don't spend 6 hours taking notes on chapter 1 if you're already strong in chapter 1. always attack your weaknesses first.

practice practice practice!! so so important. i owe all my As to mock exams, quizzes i make myself, end-of-chapter questions etc etc. imo practice matters a lot more than passive content review.

interleaving concepts helps with retention. an example of this is i like to do biology and chemistry one day, biochemistry and organic chemistry the next day, physics and psychology the day after... i'm not just doing biology all day, every day. another thing i like to do if i'm in a massive rut is i hop between tons of different subjects on the same day, which keeps me from getting bored/helps me understand the subjects better through distinguishing their differences.

retrospective timetable. an example of this is if i find i'm pretty weak in a particular physics topic, the next few days will disproportionately focus on physics over other subjects. inversely, if i just breezed through a biology chapter, the next few days will have less biology than initially planned. i'm constantly going back and revising my study timetable based on my performance of the day, rather than relying on a rigid prospective timetable that doesn't take into account my progress.

less passive learning, more active. spaced repetition is a big one. i love anki for this bc there's an algorithm that dictates how often topics come up again based on how well you answer them. other methods include active recall, having friends quiz you, and trying to teach the topic to others (or the plushie in your bedroom haha). if you find you're struggling to simplify topics and explain them, that's a sign you don't understand them very well yourself.

[writers-reach]

Hello! Could i request headcanons for Junpei, Ryoji & Minato (seperate or togethers fine) with another member of sees (the reader) that's like a 'chickbro' to them? The idea came to my head so I thought why not :P

Have a nice day!

persona 3: one of da boys (junpei iori, ryoji mochizuki, & minato arisato)

notes: gn!reader, ryoji and minato can be read as romantic, no spoilers, platonic junpei

junpei iori

we already know how he is with his sl. loves to goof off, ropes you into doing dumb shit, but will fiercely defend you and your reputation like his life depends on it.

junpei comes from a shitty home, but after joining sees, he found people that he connects with and who accept him, and he wants you to be just the same. he wants to not only be the reason you smile, but to be a shoulder to cry on if need be

you two absolutely scheme to prank the other members of sees (though with junpei, your target is typically yukari)

bff dates to the arcade. you two get... scary competitive.

you are his number 1 hypeman when it comes to chidori. he'll go to you for romantic advice like "is this too cringey?" and you're all "nahh she'll love it!" even if it is a little cringey, they're just too cute <3

ryoji mochizuki

still flirts because dude can't keep it in his pants (regardless of gender i hc him as pansexual), but depending on if he susses out any romantic interest from you, he jokes around a bit more.

tries out pickup lines on you for feedback. some of them are good, some of them are so bad they're good, some are just... god awful. he's lucky he's pretty.

walks with you to and from school, sits next to you on the monorail, just hangs out in your presence a lot.

wants to try new things with you so bad!! new restaurants! that new bookshop that opened up! going to see that new movie that came out!!!!

probably is pretty touchy, but will back off if you tell him to. he's a gentleman, after all.

minato arisato

gamer bestie. will spend hours upon HOURS gaming with you, whether it be an mmorpg or something like mario party

you two have like, some kind of secret unspoken code (or, hell, telepathy) that allows you to communicate without speaking.

probably has a really complex secret handshake with you and you only because junpei got too confused to learn and ryoji just... bless his heart, he can't get it right

i hc that he does tarot readings for fun and will totally read your fortune, but will sometimes be a bit silly and completely misinterpret the results for a laugh.

i.e. "what does that mean for my future?" "oh you're gonna die a horrible death after eating spoiled food" "minato >:("

he brings out a more deadpan side of you, i bet

a/n: hope you like it!! since junpei/ryoji/minato are like, a bestie squad in canon, it's 100% implied that if you're friends with one, you're friends with the other two.

[pixelyssa]

What would you do if you had to lose 7-10 lbs in a week?

I’m not big on fasting more than 24 hrs but high res is fine.

lovey are u okay?? this is next to impossible especially without f4sting.

i would never recommend anything for someone to lose that much in a week, sorry!!

my best advice is to NOT give timeframes like a week, a month, 2 months.. actually. you knkw why? because shit happens, theres surprise days where u will have to e@t “normal” theres days where you miscalculate and overe@t, it happennssss. so giving yourself time limits is just going to stress you out even more.

if your goal for now is 10Ibs, id say depending on where youre at now, it could take 3-6weeks. and thats not bad at all!

im currently 10I away from my UGW so heres what ive been doing (and im sorry its not the answer you wanted, im more of a harm prevention blog, who happens to be severely disordered lol)

-every thursday-sunday im working. literally non-stop doubles. so i make sure i don’t e@t at work. thats like 11 hours of no f00d. plus the many hours from the last time i at3, the night before. so about 20-24 hours of fasting (i do have coffee/tea/water/medications/vitamins during that time so its not a dry fast). i do this because it makes me feel good. by the time i get home i either decide if im super hungry and i make a low c@l meal, or eat some veg/fruits, or i just take my sleep pill and carry on the f4st.

i know you said youre not into f4sts, i wasnt sure if you meant all types. liquid is best for me because i love having soup, chicken broth, coffee/decaf coffee, etc. and its easy when im working all day im just too busy to think about f00d

-another thing ive been doing is running, well i havent for the last week because theres a family of skunks nearby and im paranoid teehee but ive been pushing myself to do SOMETHING that i enjoy since i hate working out, but running, playing with my dog, or walking with my boyfriend are all things that i actually enjoy and it helps.

-mon-wednesday i dont work, i spend the whole day with my bf each day. like i said we go on walks and play withh the dog, so my workouts are crossed off for those days. as far as e@ting goes i usually cook or bake for him. so i know exactly whats going into each dish and i can prepare (i dont eat what i bake for him because i dont have a sweet tooth, atleast thats what my bf thinks teehee) when i cook i give him a huge portion, and myself a small one. and its an OMAD for me. we stay up late playing games and then i try to sleep for as long as possible to avoid breakfast & lunch. then by dinner time, he has all the leftovers and i have something like salad or fruit or soup.

i know thats just all about me, the point is, i liquid fasting 4 days a week, sleep in on my days off to avoid f00d (and catch up on sleep ofc) and try to have 1 meal and 1 snack only during those days.

ofc i struggle with cravings, sometimes we will order out instead of cooking if its too hot to cook. i opt for things like sushi, getting a lettuce wrap instead of bread for sandwiches/burgers, etc. i pretty much e@t normal food i just stop when i start to feel full, which is around half the portion of whatever i give myself.

i hope this helps, keep in mind ive been doing this for 10 years and its not even a choice for me its second nature. its me on auto pilot, how my brain thinks. and i know its not good im self aware, im just going through it and cant choose to get better.

and i hope youre not mad that im saying your goal is impossible, its just not gonna happen without fasting, and even with, your stomach will trick your brain on day 2 that uou should give up. high r3striction and f4sting and extreme workouts are not something you start with, its something you work up to.

idk what your limit is now say its 800. thats good. 800 some days maybe 900 others. in 2 werks you will probably feel comfortable going down to 600 some days, other days. and you can keep lowering it as you get comfy. jumping from whatever your limiy is now, to 200-300 a day will lead to overe@ting & guilt anyways. for ANYONE, because our body will react.

if you do end up going lower, id invest in some vitamins (D, Calcium, B12, mens/womens multi, C), a big water bottle so you know how much water to drink daily, make sure youre getting all your hours of sleep, and make sure once a week youre spiking your limit up, so that your metabolism doesnt slow down so much that you start maintaining w8.

xoxo fairyuck

[foolishlovers]

SOCIAL MEDIA AUs: Below you'll find a list of Good Omens fics that contain elements of social media such as Instagram, Youtube & Co.

You can request more fic recs here.

twitter cryptids by doctormissy (T, 36k)

Crowley's latest brilliant idea involves ranting about his undying love tiny crush on Aziraphale on Twitter instead of actually dealing with his feelings now that the world didn't end. Because he will never find out, right? Right?

Press L in the Chat (for Love) by Djapchan, Phoenix_Soar (E, 29k)

Bickering fan-content creators Aziraphale and Crowley only have three things in common — they are both avid fans of a new revolutionary TV series about pirates, they are popular for their fantastic fanfiction and fanart… and they are members of the same discord server. Neither of them likes the other, but across the chaotic virtual world of a discord chatroom, who knows what can happen when these two unlikely fans are paired up for an exciting collaboration? Us. We know ;) Discord Server AU — a collaboration between Phoenix_Soar (fic) and Djapchan (multivoice podfic organization & editing) for Pod-Together 2022

Angelic Whispers by AppleSeeds (T, 20k)

Crowley runs a very popular ASMR YouTube channel, but is considering applying for a job at a real life ASMR spa. He books an appointment as a client to try out the experience for himself, but becomes completely flustered when he meets the ridiculously gorgeous ASMR therapist, Aziraphale, who will be spending the next hour giving him unrelenting personal attention.

No Picture Can Express by nutmeag83 (T, 12k)

Ezra Fell prefers books (and discretely watching the lovely florist down the street) to social media, but takes up the hobby at Madame Tracy's urging. Anthony Crowley has been pining after his neighbor for ages, happy to keep his distance until Ezra asks him to tutor him in using Instagram. They find they have more in common than just having shops on the same block in Soho.

your smile speaks books to me by laiqualaurelote (T, 5k)

Aziraphale's bookshop becomes accidentally famous on Instagram, to his great distress. Since Crowley invented Instagram, it's also his problem.

it's a new craze by attheborder (T, 5k)

CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan. AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we? CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all. AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous. CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.   *** Crowley and Aziraphale are very possibly the people least qualified, on the entire planet, to start up an advice podcast. But what else is there to do when the world isn’t ending anytime soon, you’re technically on indefinite sabbatical from your lifelong careers, and you need a plausible excuse to spend more time with your best friend who you’re definitely not, absolutely not, maybe just a little, actually maybe overwhelmingly in love with?

You've Got Kudos by curtaincall (M, 4k)

Aziraphale and Crowley both write fanfiction. As it happens, they both write Good Omens fanfiction. Of course, neither of them would ever admit this to the other. (A love story told primarily in AO3 comments)

London Book Shop Recommendations? by nothankyoudear (G, 3k)

A.Z. Fell and Co. is recommended as a local London bookshop on a Reddit post. Chaos ensues when someone actually takes the recommendation and goes there, only to find that: 1. They don't get to buy books 2. The gentle bookshop owner apparently owns a giant python And 3. The bookshop owner is 100% in love with his best friend with the sunglasses OR Ineffable Husbands told through Reddit posts.

Parsley, Thyme, Sage, Daffodils by MostWeakHamlets (G, 3k)

Aziraphale has a cooking show on the internet. It started out with three viewers, but now he's known as the happy grandfather that blew up overnight. Crowley occasionally makes cameos, has dedicated his garden to giving Aziraphale fresh herbs and vegetables, and struggles with living after the apocalypse. _ “Taste this, my dear,” Aziraphale said. He held a spoonful of jam to Crowley’s lips with his free hand cautiously under it, ready to catch any dripping. Crowley leaned forward to wrap his lips around the spoon. Most likely his shyness came from the small tender moments Aziraphale was not afraid of showing the world. It had been the topic of many long conversations after Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand in St. James Park, causing Crowley to freeze and break out in a cold sweat. Being discreet had always been their top priority. For 6,000 years, someone would have surely seen them if they embraced in the middle of London. But now, Aziraphale had assured Crowley, things were different. They no longer needed to hide, but Aziraphale would go as slow as Crowley needed him to. It was almost funny how their roles had switched after the apocalypse.

Crowley Invented Youtube Recommended (Parsley, Thyme, Sage, Daffodils remix) by flibbertygigget (T, 1.9k)

After Aziraphale's video on crêpes makes it into Youtube recommendations through a little demonic intervention, he quickly goes viral. Cue college students just trying to make it work, a bunch of young queers who see A.Z. Fell and his husband Anthony as "goals," and quite a few comments from one Newton Pulsifer.

Get Connected by AgentStannerShipper (G, 1k)

Crowley signs Aziraphale up for social media. Even if it's a slightly outdated one.

[lesvegas]

My Beginner/Newbie Guide to Neopets

Never used the site before in your life but wanna check it out? Just logged into your old account and wanna get back into it? Saw my promo and wanna take advantage of it? Wanna make loads of neopoints? As someone with about 20mil in the bank I can't guarantee following my advice will make you MEGA rich but I can get you pretty close with pretty minimal effort.

TL;DR do your dailies and invest in stocks (it's way easier than it sounds, idk shit about real life stocks)

(And before I hear any "isnt neopets run by scientologists" the answer is no, it never was, neopets.com once fell into a company that was run by a scientologist for about a year back in the early 2000s)

Guide below the cut!

THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE TO TAKE FROM THIS GUIDE:

Spin Trudy's Surprise wheel every day (link here)

Invest in stocks (guide here)

Do whatever dailies you want (link here)

Use Jellyneo's item database to search/price anything (link here)

This guide assumes you've already made an account, a pet, and have about 2000np (given to every new account) to spend, and that you're currently logged in (you'll need to be for most of these links).

Confused by the site layout? No idea where to go? No worries, I'll link just about everything you need here.

DISCLAIMER: There's a lot of stuff I DON'T do, but if there's something that interests you, go ahead and try it!! I just do the bare minimum when it comes to dailies lol

~~Dailies~~

If you clicked on this link, you're probably already overwhelmed by the sheer number of dailies your expected to do. The good news is, I don't do at least half of these. Most of these aren't worth your time or points and I only really do easy 1-click dailies that net me free shit. I'll show you exactly which ones those are.

Let's start with the Classics-

I've already gone ahead and erased the ones a new account will never have to worry about.

These are the priority freebie dailies you should be doing each day when you can. Lemme explain what each one does:

Soup Kitchen: Until you have 3000np, you can feed your pets here for free!

Free Jelly: One free jelly (worth 2 meals) each day

Giant Omelette: One free omelette (worth 3 meals) each day

Interest @ Bank: You can collect interest on your bank account each day (you need a bank account, I'll explain later)

Money Tree: Free stuff people throw away, guide further down

Trudy's Surprise: Free neopoints daily

Monthly Freebies: Once a month, not daily, free 2000np and food

Obsidian Quarry: One free piece of obsidian daily. I just sell them for 1np a piece to get people coming to my shop

Apple Bobbing: Free item daily (small chance to lose an item or nps)

Anchor Management: Free item daily

Mysterious Negg Cave: Solve a puzzle for a free item (solver here)

Grave Danger: Petpet required. Send it down into the catacombs daily to find items.

These are all the easiest of the dailies. Next up we have

The Wheels-

Yes, just these wheels, because none of the scratchcards are worth trying to me. I've never won anything good from them. These wheels are all relatively low-cost, but if you only wanted to pick ONE, do the Wheel of Mediocrity. I've found it has the highest return for the cost.

Also, the Wheel of Monotony can go for literal hours. I tend to let it go in a muted tab and do other stuff in the meantime. Anyway, next is

Win NPs, Items, Stats-

I've erased anything that takes too much time, doesn't work cause flash, can only be accessed at certain times, or isn't newbie accessible. I'll elaborate on the rest;

Tombola: Draw a ticket and win a prize (free)

Deserted Tomb: Go into a tomb and potentially find treasure (may hurt your neopet)

Fruit Machine: One free spin per day for fruit

Coltzan's Shrine: One of the best dailies. Potentially increases stats, gives NP or items

Kreludor Meteor: Free items when it works

TDMBGPOP: Free items (usually plushies) or NPs

Underwater Fishing: Free fish or fishing-related items

Forgotten Shore: Requires treasure map (guide here)

Healing Springs: Heals your pets or gives you an item. Can be done every 30mins. I recommend coming here last to heal pets after some dangerous dailies. You can also come here every 30mins if your pet is sick until they're cured.

These are also good, easy freebies I recommend doing daily. Personally I also use the Battledome but that's because I've actually trained one of my pets to fight. Now for the

Pay NPs and Win-

No, really, that's it.

Okay, I also personally do Cheeseroller, and I used to do more carnival games when they worked, but these are the only ones you really need to worry about in this section.

Faerie Caverns, Test Your Strength, and Pick Your Own are simple games where you can win NPs and items.

Garage Sale is a shop where most items are sold below market value. Great for reselling.

Bargain stocks are cheaper than regular stocks and are only for poor/new users.

And what about

Other Neopets Stuff To Do-

A lot less intimidating now, huh?

Most things in this section are just... things to do. Things that aren't all that profitable. These four are the only ones you should bother with if your priority is getting NPs.

Symol Hole requires a PetPet. You can win items, but this is rare.

Stock Portfolio... I'll get into that soon. But this is important.

Trading Post is where you go to offload tons of junk, get tons of junk, buy/sell anything worth more than 999999np, and find good deals

Employment Agency is where you take jobs that involve finding and buying a certain number of a particular item in a certain timeframe. I only recommend this if you've become familiar with Jellyneo's item data base and the Shop Wizard.

Now what about the next sections, Quests, Competitions, and Games?

Don't worry about 'em.

When you're financially better off, you can try doing some daily Faerie quests if you want, but I don't recommend getting into them right away. Contests are cool and all, but not my thing personally, so I can't tell you much about them. As for games... most of them are still broken.

But the game Fashion Fever is an easy free 900np a day. Just wait 10 seconds before finishing the game, then send score.

Wait, how does the Stock Market work?

Great question!

The stock market is the easiest way to rack up neopoints. I can't comment on bargain stocks because I haven't done them, but I can tell you all about the regular stock market.

(You could also uh, watch this 5 minute guide here, which is how I originally learned how the stock market works)

Conceptually, you buy stocks while they're cheap, then wait until their value goes up and sell them at a high price. You can easily turn 15000np into 45000np by simply waiting.

Also, I really recommend you have 15000np before buying any stocks. Do other dailies until you have that much at least.

Your stock portfolio is here. Read the scrolling stocks at the top of the page:

Until you find a stock valued at 15np (circled above). Once you have the stock name (this one is SWNC), go to 'Buy' (right under the scrolling stocks in blue),

And buy them! Buy 1000 at a time.

15np is the LOWEST a stock can go before it's unbuyable, and you can only buy a total of 1000np per day.

Now, we just have to wait for the value to go up.

I only sell stocks once the value is +300%. SWNC is currently at 0.00% because it's worth the value I originally bought it at (15np).

Check your portfolio daily, buy new stocks when you can, sell when they're high, and sooner or later you'll be raking in hundreds of thousands of neopoints per sale!

Does Trudy's Surprise really guarantee thousands of free NPs?

Yes. No, seriously, yes.

The first time you spin the wheel, you'll probably only get about 1000np. Come back the next day, spin it again, maybe you'll get 2000np. By the end of the first week, probably 6000np.

And on day 25? 100000np. Guaranteed. Then the cycle resets to day 1, and it's back to about 1000np.

With Trudy's Surprise, you can very easily obtain around 200000np a month.

BUT. You need to spin the wheel once EVERY DAY or the counter resets and you're back to day 1 again.

There are days where I really don't feel like doing my dailies at all, but I always try to make sure I get this one in. It's absolutely worth logging it.

You mentioned a Bank Account?

If you haven't opened a bank account (for neopoints, not actual money), do so now!!

A bank will hold onto your neopoints for you so you don't lose them during random events, and you can collect interest every day. There's a cost to open and upgrade an account, but no fees besides that. The more nps in your account, the more interest you can collect! I collect about 6000np a day just from my nps sitting in my account.

Okay, I did my dailies and now I have all this stuff sitting in my inventory. Now what?

Well, you have a few options:

Use them. Food feeds your pet, books educate them, toys entertain them... before doing anything else with some items, consider if you want to use them on your pet.

Donate them. If you're completely at a loss or don't want to bother selling them, you can always donate or discard them to free up space.

Store them in your Safety Deposit Box. Got items that you think you'll use later that are currently taking up space? Store them in your SDB or Closet for now.

Trade them. Go to the trading post, browse new trades, and use these items as fodder for getting good deals. Alternatively, put them up for trade and see what people offer.

Sell them. If you haven't opened a shop yet, I highly recommend you do so. You can put items in the shop, but they won't be displayed until you've set a price. Don't know what to charge? Search the item in the Jellyneo item database to find out how much it's worth!

Why even do any of this?

Honestly, that's up to you to decide.

Neopets is a weird site. People came for the pets, but the only ones that stayed have remained for the economy. You either find it fun or you don't, and I know it's harder when you're a beginner.

What really got me into neopets again was finding a goal. If you want to get rich, that's the one thing you need most: a goal. It could be a static number, a dream pet, a dream gallery, w/e. My first main goal was a gold paintbrush for a pet I don't even have anymore, and my current goal is 25mil in my account. After that, I think my next goal will be to access the lab ray.

If you're just starting out and don't know what you want your goal to be, I'd suggest finding that old dream pet or picking a new one here: This site shows every pet in every colour. Find one that speaks to you, find out how much the paintbrush or morphing potion or whatever method costs, and work for that.

I'm still confused/have questions.

Please feel free to DM me!! I love neopets and am trying to get more people (especially my friends) into it. I don't know everything but the least I can do is point you to a guide that can help. Don't hesitate to reach out to me!

You can also neomail me if you want <3

[pod-together]

Pod-Together Day 2 Reveals 2023

Fashion is the Armor [text, audio] (Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars - All Media Types) written by wanderingjedihistorian, performed by kbirb Summary: It’s not that Fox would have reconsidered things with Bail and Breha if he had known about…this. It’s just that if someone had told him he needed to go shopping for a “proper prince consort wardrobe” and that said shopping trip would make him long for the days of babysitting Senators…well. He’d have figured out some way to avoid this part.

Through Thin Walls (9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)) written by noxsoulmate, performed by Juulna Summary:“Hey, so please don’t freak out–”

In the next moment, Carlos could hear a thud, followed by a curse, and he was pretty sure the guy had just hit his head somehow. Carlos winced in sympathy.

“Sorry! Sorry, it’s just your neighbor here.”

“Dude,” came the reply, the voice sounding rough, probably from all the crying. “Way to give a person a heart attack. Also, creepy much?”

“My apologies. The walls here are basically paper with some paint slapped on. So uhm… noises are somewhat muffled but… not really, I guess.” ~*~ 3 times Carlos only heard his neighbor’s voice, 2 times TK lusted over a certain officer, +1 time it all melted together.

Captain Jack Books (Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken, Newsies: The Broadway Musical! (2017)) written by TrebleMaker07 and Shakespeare_stole_my_url, performed by Shakespeare_stole_my_url Summary: Jack Kelly is the proud owner of Captain Jack Books; however, business is down and the Delancey brothers have expanded. How will he keep Captain Jack Books relevant? And who is the cute guy that keeps coming around?

Fashionable Lectures, composed and delivered with Tact and Titillation (Lilywhite Boys Series - K. J. Charles) written by vinia, performed by jennisaisquoi Summary: The Marchioness of Cirencester seeks advice from her best friend, the Countess of Moreton.

Sk8 Infinity: Winter Break (SK8 the Infinity (Anime)) created by Syr, Opalsong, and Cantarina Summary: EM: It’s another episode of Ambiguous Robot and Earnest Hero Watching Anime, the podcast all about anime, fandom, and what shows are worth spending your short hours on this earth watching, and the drama they create along the way. I: Today we’re talking about Sk8 Infinity: Winter Break, the prequel series to SK8 The Infinity. And no, don’t ask us why it’s called that. This is just the anime nonsense that we are here for.

Old Words, New Mission (Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies)) written by poppetawoppet, performed by GhostCwtch Summary: In which 'Til the end of the line' resets all the other code words.

Nearly Enough (Hornblower - C. S. Forester) written by Sanguinity, performed by Luzula_podfic Summary: Over the course of two wild days and two wild nights in Kingston, Hornblower must choose which he wants more: command of the Retribution, or Lieutenant William Bush.

admiring flowers (Hannibal (TV)) written by Koschei_B, performed by Dr_Fumbles_McStupid Summary: Will's not a goddess, but he gets kidnapped by the Reaper all the same.

At the End of All Things [text, audio] (Transformers: Prime) written by autobotscoutriella, performed by Gilraina Summary: At the end of the war, Optimus goes in search of something still missing.

when all the roads you took came back to me (บทกวีของปีแสง | Be My Favorite (TV)) written by Kiranokira, performed by pieces0fstars Summary: In a timeline where Kawi and Pisaeng are both famous and secretly dating, a jetlagged Kawi sits on Pisaeng's lap during a livestream and accidentally outs them to the public.

It’s in the last fifteen seconds of the live while Pisaeng is promoting an upcoming appearance at a local music festival that a sleepy weight drops into his lap, changing the entire direction of not only his life but Kawi’s, too. Sweetly and adoringly, Kawi winds both arms around Pisaeng’s neck, puts his face on Pisaeng’s shoulder, and whines, “Pisaaaeeeng, you weren’t there when I woke up.”

Once More Into the Void (Teen Wolf (TV)) written by melly_diamond, performed by thilia Summary: Derek Hale has moved on with his life; he has a wife and child now, has rebuilt the Hale house, and is living contentedly in Beacon Hills. For a while. Until a long-buried evil rears its ugly head and chooses a new target to torment; Lorelei Hale, the nine year old daughter of Derek and Sasha Hale. And when no one, anywhere, can seem to rid the little girl of her interloper, a plea goes out into the supernatural world for their final option, a mysterious being - shaman, exorcist, magic-wielder - known only as M. to save her. Who is M.? And is he the answer to all their prayers or a whole other problem in itself?

[twopoppies]

hey Gina, I hope you are doing well!!!!

i know this is not the place to talk about this but I want some insight and advice. The thing is I want my parents to separate. I am only 19 and I have never been in a relationship but I don't think my parents can coexist this way for long. I have always seen my father getting angry irrationally and giving my mom cold shoulders and being dismissive of her whenever she hung out with her friends regardless of their gender. last year my aunt got married and since then my dad has been saying all sorts of things about my aunts husband and my mother. he has even spelled my mom to be a cheater ( infront of me) just because she ate some birthday cake the husband brought to her at her birthday party. when I and my mom went to visit my aunt last week my father asked us to travel 2 hours to come back home at 1 in night.this is just what has become my home life for the last year . I know my mom won't get much support if they decide to separate ( it is taboo where I live) but I have seen my mom cry herself to bed most nights and my father remains justified that he did no wrong. when he apologized once he said I know you don't belong to me and don't owe me anything ,so sure go do anything you want with anybody.

i don't know if it is just me overreacting and over analyzing the situation or if it is really bad. it's just that my parents had an arranged marriage at a time when both of them were not working. my father refused to live with my mother for the first year of their marriage. he has made my mom to be the villain to his side of the family. but my mom is so loud and talkative so every one buys into his ploys . I have seen my mom care for him all night when he has been sick and I do think she loves him but I have not seen that love and care reciprocated as much.

when I have tried to talk to her about all this she has just said women suffer all over the world and she needs someone to spend her old age with. my brother is 4 years younger than me. I don't think any support will come for my mom without the baggage of riddicule and taunts. I am scared because I am just starting my 4 year degree and probably won't be earning for the next 3. my mom has always been a housewife. I don't care if every man in my country has the same douchy attitude towards women but I do care for my mom to find peace and happiness. I do love my father but my respect has just been going down in these last years as I have begun to understand what is happening. I am also scared that if I push this enough and they do go through divorce or separation I would end up being blamed for breaking my family. also ,I don't think they are good at communicating given that my father is planning to live in a different city for work and is planning to just drop it on her one day and leave

Hi, darling. Oh, this sounds like such an awful scenario. I’m so sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like your mom is just resigned to some idea that all women suffer like this. And I don’t know how easily she’ll be able to support herself and you/your brother if she were to leave if your culture doesn’t particularly uplift and support single mothers. Maybe your father leaving to work in a different city is the best solution you can hope for right now. And maybe while he’s gone, she can start to find some confidence in herself and figure out how she could support herself. I don’t think there’s much you can do other than to let her know she deserves better, encourage her to find a way to have a life outside of your dad, and remind her that you’re by her side, emotionally.

Sending you prayers for a happy resolution to all of this. 🩵

Edit: more advice here and here

[nenesnecessity]

rules for losing all the fat tha i have:

1)drink 2 glasses of water before every meal,

2)drink 3 lt of water every day,

3)when hungry, drink until you feel like throwing up,

4)at breakfast, drink first water, unsweetened coffee, and then eat, preferably two egg whites or low calorie fruits,

5) no eating in between meals,

6)only one or two meals per day,

7) practice portion control: a fist of food is enough food,

8)if you eat at dinner, the next day do not eat at breakfast,

9)if you want to eat dinner, do not eat lunch,

10)workout every day, have variety to make it enjoyable,

11)two runs three days a week, and every other day one run,

12)at least 10000 steps a day,

13) spend at least 2 hours working out,

14)have something sugary one day per week.

i'll be tracking by posting if i've done what i wrote down. tell me if i need to add or modify anything. advices are welcome!

[sanctaignorantia]

The Devil’s Minion Week Tag Game

Moving on with the game since @devilsminion-armandiel tagged me. I'll see if I can answer everything since my memory always fails me!

1. If you could have three things from the books, which Devil’s Minion scenes would you want in the show? 

I think definitely the scene where Armand takes care of Daniel, bathes him, cuts his beard and chooses what he has to wear. Next would be the scene where Daniel describes Armand with all that passion and desire for what he is, for all the evil he represents and how Daniel loves it and finally the scene in the Villa of Mysteries with them exchanging blood for the first time (Daniel going crazy missing Armand makes me very sensitive).

2. What is your favourite Devil’s Minion quote? 

I'll put the quote in Brazilian Portuguese first:

"Amava a pele branca e macia, os grandes olhos castanhos. Amava-o não porque ele parecia um rapaz simpático e delicado, mas sim porque era horrível e detestável, e lindo, tudo ao mesmo tempo. Amava como as pessoas amam o mal, porque isso as excita até o fundo da alma. Imagine, matar assim, tirar uma vida no momento que desejar, simplesmente matar, enfiar os dentes em outro e tirar tudo o que o outro pode oferecer..."

"He loved its smooth white skin, its great dark brown eyes. He loved it not because it looked like a gentle, thoughtful young man, but because it was ghastly and awful and loathsome, and beautiful all at the same time. He loved it the way people love evil, because it thrills them to the core of their souls. Imagine, killing like that, just taking life any time you want it, just doing it, sinking your teeth into another and taking all that that person can possibly give."

3. Who do you think fell in love first? 

Armand. Definitely Armand.

4. During their reunion, who do you think made the first move to reconcile? Or for the show only fans, who do you think will make the first move? 

If the reunion concerns after Daniel is better then I can't say because I haven't read all the books yet, so I'll answer about the series which is also difficult because there may be details that would change their dynamic, but I think it would be Armand.

5. What is their favourite sleep position together? 

Damn it! I think Armand would hug Daniel from behind or find some way to hold him close like a teddy bear.

6. What is (one of) your reunion headcanon? 

I'm not there yet, one step at a time.

7. Who do they go to for advice about their relationship? 

That's funny to think about, but it would certainly be Louis, but Louis would always be very quiet and just nod his head, since Daniel and Armand would say a lot of things and in the end they would both answer their own questions.

8. What is a gift they gave the other that the other values most? 

Daniel keeps the amulet with all his love and I don't know about Armand… I really need to read the rest of the books! XD

9. In a 100 years from now, what are they doing? 

Oh… they'd be being themselves, loving each other deeply and madly the way they know how. They'd still be arguing a lot, shouting at each other, but I think it would all end in laughter and affection, kisses and the exchange of blood. I think they would continue to travel the world, spend hours and hours marathoning movies and series, listening to loud music and singing in a karaoke that doesn't exist. They'd watch plays and have fun fooling people, they'd probably adopt not only dancers, but any other individual involved in art. When I look at them together I see that exciting, electrifying energy that truly passionate people have and that I've never felt, but hope to experience once before I die.

I tag @fofoqueirah and @laisofhyccara 🤭👍💜

[sky-is-the-limit]

Who out of the van der linde gang do you think you would get along with the most and who do you think you’d get along with the least?

Aaaaahhhh I need to think about this logically and not let my second lips decide:

Okay so from the guys:

1) Javier (100% compatible, I'd feel so comfortable and good near this man, I'm learning how to play guitar and I already speak Spanish so we'd have a lot to talk about, he seems like the passionate type but the calmer version and I'd just add the right amount of chaos, plus smooth and romantic? I'd fold like a chair, i feel like i could talk to him about everything and just listen to him sing or talk about his past life, his dreams, everything. )

2) Arthur (he's quiet when he needs to be and jokes when the time's right, I'm just like that so I feel like we'd click? I also value loyalty above all but my morals come first so I feel like we'd see eye to eye on many things)

3) Lenny (my sweet boy, I feel like he'd be like a little brother to me, always eager to help and do things, we'd spend a lot of time just doing activities and talking about both nonsense and serious stuff)

4) Hosea (I love hearing stories, I'd spend hours just listening to him talk and give me advice and he's the man I'd go to for everything tbh)

5) Kieran (my love:( idk I have a feeling that we'd get along well and I'd go fishing with him and keep him safe and take him with me to do stuff cause he seems like the type to be quiet at first but excited and talkative when comfortable)

6) John (the reason why I put my fav in the middle is because we're too similar personality wise, we'd either be at each other's throats or soulmates, no in-between. One minute fighting the next fucking)

7) Dutch (I think I'd be very fascinated by him in the beginning, his demeanour, his knowledge, his vision, his taste for the finer things but I'd get irritated real quick, especially with his "hero/saviour complex" I'd just avoid him around camp and only talk to him when necessary. But fuck confident smart men who love music and books and know stuff have a magnetic pull on me)

8) Charles (the reason why I put him here is because I can't deal with people who are too quiet, silence and small talk make me uncomfortable??? However I'd always go to him for advice or just go hunting to get away from the others, tbh the more we'd bond the higher I'd put him)

9) Sean (listen, I love him, adore him even but all that energy ain't for me, 5 minutes in and I'd drown him in a lake)

10) Pearson (tbh we'd be chill I guess)

11) Uncle (no.)

12) Bill (we'd be fighting 24/7, I'd be on his ass nonstop, I hate that mf)

13) Micah (do I even need to-)

My girlies<3

1) Sadie (she'd motivate me to do stuff and I value that in a person cause sometimes I can get a bit lazy and she'd be the perfect person to keep be stimulated, also personality wise we'd click, the Aries to my Gemini)

2) Tilly (I love her so much, we'd just have endless conversations and get along really well. She's so smart and brave, nothing more compelling in a person)

3) Karen (I don't think that we'd hang out much but the moment when we would, we'd just have fun???? She'd help me get out of my unsocial shell and live a little)

4) Mary-Beth (She's the opposite of Sadie, she'd just calm me down yk, laying on the grass and reading books together or gossiping about the guys like girlies, I love that)

5) Abigail (my wife<3 the reason why I put her here is because I don't think that we'd have a lot in common or hang out per se but I think that we'd have a meaningful deep relationship and I could talk to her about everything and she'd be the person I'd be comfortable staying in silence with)

6) Susan (I'd appreciate her as a presence but the second she'd try to boss me around we'd have problems, I'd avoid her at all costs)

[butmakeitgayblog]

Do you have any advice on doing a task that feels like it has too many steps? I know I need to go see a therapist for my anxiety and I’ve been trying these past few months to arrange it, but I just can’t seem to. Trying to find a therapist that has availability less than 6 months out and that’s covered by my insurance and that I like their description just feels overwhelming. I’ll start and then stop because it just gets to be too much and so now I’m still not seeing a therapist and it’s been months.

My only real advice is break things down into small goals. Don't make yourself feel like you have to accomplish everything in a day because then that day becomes something monumental in your mind you end up yeeting yourself right out of it.

Start by calling your insurance company and seeing if they themselves can give you a list of in network therapists in your area. If they can, task 1 complete, check it off the list. If not (which I don't see why they couldn't, but insurance companies are, by design, little bitches, so who knows), then just search for therapists in your area, write their names down in a list. That's it, you're done for that day.

Next task for the next day, break that list up into smaller groups. A-C, D-G, etc. Then every day, once a day, look into only that smaller group of therapists. Keep going day by day until you've worked your way through the entire list. It can be as easy as just googling them and seeing reviews for them, seeing office hours, seeing distance you'll have to travel, what their specialties are. Anything that jumps out at you.

Rather than trying to fly through a group of 20 names all at once, 2 maybe 3 names at a time feels a lot more manageable. Monday is only A-C. D-G is Tuesday's problem, fuck them they mean nothing on Monday 😤. And keep going with that mindset every single day until you've eventually worked your way through the list. Task done.

Once you've gotten the list wittled down and you've weeded out all the 'Probably Not's into a much smaller group of 'Maybe's, then you can start calling them and actually finding out availability that works directly for you. Again, go in small groups. If you end up with only a list of 5 names and that seems daunting, do 2 a day. If you don't find what you're looking for in that group, go back to your original list and broaden your scope a little more. You'll have already knocked out those other names, so by then the list is still shorter than you started with. That's work done babeeeyyy. Little by little, you'll find the right one.

At the end of the day, there's no real easy or quick fix unfortunately. But as the saying goes, the time is going to pass anyway. The only difference is what you choose to do with it. So your choices are either spending 6 months avoiding the process entirely while also suffering at the same time, or you could spend those days moving yourself forward. Even if it's inch by inch, progress is still progress