#and the way she screams his name hurts me bc it should only be anger but it’s NOT it’s betrayal and grief and love all at once?

[godshivered]

me, watching freya try to strangle kratos to death: wow… there’s so much love here

[red-doll-face]

I just found your blog and I LOVE IT.

If I might ask: What’s your saddest dbd headcanons (killers or survivors)

Call me crazy, but I must know! ❤️

Ohh this one was a good one but it hurt me so badddd, ahhh. I’m glad to share , I have some bad dbd brain rot lmaooo I didn’t do every character so I hope these are ok 🥺 these are a bit long too

Sad Dead by Daylight Hcs

Claudette Morel:

Claudette is one of the criers. Probably cries while getting mori’d and can't help the tears during the really bad matches. Her pain tolerance isn’t very high, hence the willingness to waste time healing herself if it means she can stop being in so much pain.

Meg Thomas:

Spends time alone thinking about her past life. Her mother is a subject that makes her really frustrated. People mentioning their moms makes her a little standoffish. Wishes she had a chance to say goodbye in some way.

Ace Visconti:

Ace doesn't have much family to even miss him. He wonders if they noticed he’s gone or hasn’t come back. Maybe they think he hit big bucks and left them behind. Ace is stuck really. Even if he were to go back, he’d be dead or working off his debt.

Feng Min:

Gets super mad when she loses, it makes her so angry that she doesn’t control the trials. She blames other people for her losses but actually is very critical of herself. Casts the blame on others so she doesn't have to face her own mistakes.

David King:

All of his perks are about putting his ass on the line for his teammates yet everyone seems to think he’s selfish and a dumb brute. David doesn't know what to do to be more approachable; genuinely wants to be seen as a friend.

Laurie Strode:

Laurie never got the chance to mourn her friends. She thought she won. Finding out she’ll never truly escape Michael or be able to forget him makes her so mad. When she gets Michael in trials she makes sure the glass in her pocket is extra jagged and serrated.

Jane Romero:

Jane only wanted recognition and acknowledgement. Everything she's worked so hard for feels like a waste for her now. She should have spent more time on herself or with her father. Jane feels like she has no purpose anymore besides running and screaming for the enjoyment of the entity.

Yui Kimura:

Yui can’t stand the Clown or the Stealth Killers. Reminds her of bad memories. When she loses against killers like ghostface, she is especially angry.Her fighting spirit can’t help her actually get back at them.

Zarina Kassir:

Spent so much time fighting inequality only to spend the rest of her life where the odds are never in favor of the survivors. Where the oppressed are destined to lose. Each one of the people is subjugated, both killer and survivor and there's nothing she can do to free them.

Cheryl Mason:

She's been through literal hell and back just to end up in a weird recurring nightmare. At least Silent Hill had an escape. She's killed a god and somehow someone her size with a boxcutter can kill her? Huh.

Élodie Rakoto:

Feels guilty over the loss of her parents and feels extremely disillusioned by this realm. It's so much more boring than she thought it would be. All of her searching and traveling was not worth this shithole.

Steve Harrington:

Steve, though 18, is very much still a kid. Steve is naive about certain things and his optimism gets chipped away at a lot. Wasn’t too enthusiastic at having to care or look after Dustin and his friends but misses having people to protect.

Jeff Johannson:

Someone who definitely ends up taking hooks for people and ends up dying. Has a reputation among the killers as a survivor who is easy to leverage during the endgame because he will try for that save.

Kate Denson:

Feels very lucky to even have her guitar. The other survivors didn't get to bring many things with them. Makes her feel a little bad when she Often feels too worn out and exhausted by the trials to play it.

Quentin Smith:

Unfortunately stuck in pseudo-hell with his abuser. Gets really anxious against Freddy. Leans on his fellow survivors. Will sometimes accidentally bring Freddy to others in an attempt to get Freddy the hell away for him.

Evan ‘The Trapper’ Macmillan:

Actually has tried on numerous occasions to remove the metal rods and shrapnel embedded in his skin. It hurts like hell and just when he thinks he’s got it, he loses grip. These attempts never work.

Philip ‘The Wraith’ Ojomo:

When he’s alone, Philip will try and talk to himself. His vocal cords are warped, his voice a scratchy growl and garbled gurgle. He remembers what he used to sound like but he tries talking less and less.

Max ‘The Hillbilly’ Thompson Jr.:

Besides being named after someone who locked him away for most of his life? Max has to rest a lot between trials. The constant movement puts strain on him and causes him dull pain. His back causes him a lot of grief. The Entity is barely merciful.

Michael ‘The Shape’ Myers:

Meant to be forgotten by everyone who ever knew of him and he knows it. Loomis, after deciding that Michael couldn't be ‘fixed’ just hoped that the system would swallow him. If it weren't for the entity, Michael knows he'd either be dead or caught and back with Loomis.

Bubba ‘The Cannibal’ Sawyer:

Used to be one of the nicer killers to go against and might have been sweet to certain survivors who deserved kindness. But the Entity punished him for it. Bubba isn't very nice anymore. Probably a little meaner to avoid being in trouble again.

Amanda ‘The Pig’ Young:

Another one down to give second chances, much like the second chance she saw in John Kramer. Doesn’t do this a lot however, therefore escaping the ire of the Entity. She’s spent a lifetime hurting others emotionally and physically. Now, she’ll spend an eternity.

Rin ‘The Spirit’ Yamaoka:

The pain and anguish is so heavy but time is no cure in a place where time is nonexistent. No happiness to replace her rage. Especially in a place where her anger is a weapon for a greater power. Also has tried to pull the glass out of her skin and press her limbs back together. Can’t stand to see herself in the mirror.

Adiris ‘The Plague’:

Her body is always on the precipice of falling apart. Her skin rots; her flesh aches and feels like it will tear away at any moment. She is immortalized yet so close to death. Her body hurts so much but she has a purpose to serve. (makes me even sadder bc jannneeeee my mainnnnn😔)

Kazan ‘The Oni’ Yamaoka:

Misses his son. Never got to see him grow up, considering he;s already met his descendant. Proud from a distance because that's all he can be. The beginning of something so angry that it passes down his family line.

Caleb ‘The Deathslinger’ Quinn

During his life, was under the control of people who made him work for their gain who used him. The Entity emphasizes the killers as a position of power but Caleb does much of the same here. Works and works. Never for himself.

Pyramid Head ‘The Executioner’:

His existence has always included pain. He’s not quite sure what it’s like without it. He’s made several efforts to take the pyramid off. It pulls painfully at his neck. Makes awful groaning noises and roars.

Ji-Woon ‘The Trickster’ Hak:

Has never been much more than entertainment for other people since he was a child. Never expected to be much more. To the point that now, if he doesn't feel impressive in some way, he feels incomplete. The entity is his way to really indulge his ‘true artistry’.

Yun-Jin Lee:

A bit selfish when it comes to surviving. A few people around the campfire dont like her for that reason. Some of the meaner people will even leave her behind because they remember all of the times Yun-Jin might have done something similar.

Thanks for reading!!! I’m sorry I don’t post often but I have Shit ton of hw and I recently started a new project sooo ya know 💖💖💖

[dilfwaynes]

hi!! can i request a hc of the batfam reaction of their eastasian!reader gf  experiencing racism? thank you <33

just a reminder if you took place in any involvement of asian hate block me rn bitch :)

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this anon, i tried to make it accurate without stepping over any boundaries since im not asian myself. if anyone finds any sort of this offensive pls dm me !!

warning ; racism, batfam beating hoes, mention of blood

parings : bruce wayne x asian!reader, jason tood x asian!reader, dick grayson x asian!reader, stephanie brown x asian!reader, tim drake x asian!reader, damian wayne x asian!reader

BRUCE WAYNE:

it’ll honestly take a minute for bruce to realize what happened

when first entering the store he took notice of the man glaring but brushed it off thinking it was directed towards him as bruce wayne

you however didnt really pay attention to the dirty looks being thrown at you

with bruce excusing himself to the restroom and makes a promise of a quick return, you wander around the area by yourself

it was all fine until a man approaches you, giving a fast glance at him before turning away. there was definitely something up with him

“you don’t belong here”

your head shot up at his words, looking around you to make sure he was talking to you

“excuse me?” you lift an eyebrow at him, knowing what he was hinting at

“you fucking heard me, you don’t belong here. go back to your country.”

you inch away as he steps closer,”you better back the fuck away..”

he simply gives a smug face only coming closer,”or what?” you tighten your jaw when he loosely lets out a slur, your fists clenched.

“or i dislocate your arm.”bruce’s voice rings out, deep in anger as his eyes flicker to you and scanning to see if you were ok physically.

the ugly bitch’s face pales when he realizes who’s your boyfriend. without hesitation bruce yanks him away from you, slamming him to the wall

demanding for a first and last name,  squeezing his neck when the guy stays quiet

shaking he gives in and tells, flinching when bruce slams him against the wall one last time before dropping him

“i guaranteed whatever poor status you do contain i’ll tear it completely, say goodbye to your job.” he grabs for your hand and brings you into him as you both walk away.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have left you alone, my fault,”he presses a kiss to your temple.”and please don’t think any worth of that garbage’s words.”

you shake your head,”he was just some lowlife, not worth thinking about.” you reply leaning into him.

he looked at you and could tell no matter what those words still hurt somewhat and it angered him to no end

no one deserved to hear that disgusting shit, especially not his girlfriend.

his eyes hardens but doesn’t push further to make you anymore uncomfortable than you probably already are

giving another kiss to the side of your head he makes a quiet promise to himself not to leave you alone anymore in public with disgusting people like that around

jason todd:

as soon as the slur leaves the guy’s lips jason’s fist collides to his jaw, no doubt   shattering it

you and jason were grabbing lunch at some restaurant slash bar since it was the first time in a few days jason was free

everything was okay until you got up to go to the bathroom and some guy bumped into you

jason watched with hardening eyes as you apologize instead of the guy who slammed into you

“watch where the fuck you’re going at.”

you fall shock at the word, staying in place

while jason is on his feet in no time, swinging to the asshole’s face

screams were heard as well as the sound of bones breaking from his fist impact, the guy stumbling to the floor

“you racist fucking prick that’s my girlfriend you ugly fuck,”lifting him by his shirt he grabs his face and turns him to you.”apologize to her before i break your fucking face.”

he quickly rambles apologizes, crying in fear or pain. most likely a mix of both

jaaon lets him go and gives him another punch, this time to the nose. finding satisfaction at the pool of blood now seeping out

jason grabs your hand and starts to lead you outside,”let’s go eat somewhere else and forget about this shithole.”

you barely had time to give a reaction to anything as everything happened so fast

“hey look at me, don’t listen to that worthless fuck and his fucked up mindset. i dont know what to say to comfort you since i never experienced anything like this.” he stops at the car, placing his hands onto your shoulders

you nod sighing lightly, you only wanted a simple lunch with your boyfriend but instead got hate crime for simply  breathing.

“it’s nothing i haven’t gone through before,”he shakes his head blue eyes filling up with rage.

“no one’s gonna be doing that anymore, or at least getting away with it while i’m around

DICK GRAYSON:

he was completely taken by surmise at the slur being thrown at you, as well as the fault of you being the root of the covid 19

but before he had any time to react you were already on your feet glaring,”the fuck you just called me you piece shit.”

before he could reply you already kneed him and punched him between the eyes, dick laughing at the cries of pain

“you want me to take over or you wanna handle it babe?”

even how badly he wanted to beat the shit out of the pos the choice was yours

you denied and wanted to handle this on your own

but everytime the guy tried to get up dick would just shake his head and tell him to stay down, or simply push him back down

eventually if you start going too far richards would pull you away and tell you hes not worth it

he understands your anger but he doesn’t want you to past a line you won’t recover from bc of some worthless grime

“c’mon, he’s not worth anymore of our time. lets go eat pizza.”

DAMIAN WAYNE:

swing first talk later

he’ll just look at guy for a few seconds with a blank face

then he’s literally knocking them out

will probably kick him into the wall or ground

u dont know if you wanna pull him away because you already the tabloids, or if you wanna let him continue to beating the guy

damian probably wouldn’t realize how much he beat the guy to a pulp until you’re tugging him away

nudging his neck with to your nose to try and calm him down

he’ll end the fight with spitting on him tbh

your face reddens with anger when your eyes met the racist bitch, enjoying the view of his blood on the floor

“racist piece of shit,” he hisses before finally turning his back brow still frowning with anger

unlike the others (mentioned) he also knows and experienced racism and understands your point view way more

and know bow to comfort you better tbh

afterwards he’ll talk to you and comfort you, as well as opening up about his racist encounters, as well as his mothers.

if you’re still upset about what happened some hours later he 100% offers to beat up the guy again

you laugh it off cos hes serious about doing detective work, finding the guy and beating him to a pulp

you thank him but deny his offer and settle to confiding into him and just telling him how your feelings

STEPHANIE BROWN:

“are you fucking serious right now bitch?”

steph deadpans staring at the girl who called you the slur with ease, going on about how you were the cause of corona and to go back to your country

shocked at the words, hearing all of this before but it still doesn’t fail everytime you hear them

turning to you and seeing the hurt on your face from the word, she quickly turns to seeing red

without a second thought she grabs the collar of the woman’s shirt

“you’re gonna fucking apologize to my girlfriend right now or i’m gonna slam your face into the floor and break it

you stay still, pleased at watching the girl shake in fear under steph as she chokes out a mesh of a shit rushed apologizes

stephanie throws her down to the ground after her third apologize

“are you okay?” she knew you weren’t but asking the question would lead into the stage of comforting you

you nod but go on to tell her that this isn’t the first or last time this will happen, but it still never fails to shock you

she frowns at your experiences and doesn’t quite know what to do to help since she never went thru anything like that

she offers to take you to your favorite restaurant and end the day in wayne manor watching whatever you wanted

smiling when you accept, pulling you in her and pressing a kiss on-top of your head

“dont worry i’ll beat any jackass that pulls any racist shit.”

TIM DRAKE:

i think he’ll be the less  violent one out of everyone

he would honestly be so disgusted and gross out at humanity and how the woman thinks shes superior just because she’s white

if it was a guy saying what was said, then he would probably hit them ngl

but he takes the higher road with the woman, belittling and ending her with his vocabulary

and you’re pretty sure that his words hurt her more than an actual punch would 

you laugh when he compares her built to a buffalo

he then goes on to a more education lean, explaining how skin tone has nothing to do with a person, and she should adapt to modern times and stop being a racist cunt

after he ends it he goes on to find out who she is and email/call her workplace to inform what kind of employee they have

probably also goes on to make sure she wont be hired anywhere else

comforts you alot and and will get you anything you want

prob gets you both milkshakes as you vent to him about today and other racist things said to you

hates how you have to go thru any of this for simply existing

the  incident opens his eyes and he starts talking to bruce about opening a charity for ‘stop asian hate’

would shy away from the press and say you both came up with the fund

u’ll dismiss that rq and tell everyone it was all tim’s idea

all the money goes people got assaulted and paying for any hospital bills or anything needed

[rayshippouuchiha]

naruto moves into the forest of death bc loving that place is in his blood

I see this, I love this, it begins a long time before Naruto is born and it goes a little bit like this:

Hashirama never fully recovers from the fight with Madara.  Not really, not fully, not in the ways that truly matter for a man and a shinobi.

He keeps a strong presence for the village and those who would seek to do Konoha harm but to those closest to him, to those who know the man behind the titles and the legend, the differences are stark and grim.

Hashirama spends more and more time in the forest, spends days and nights out amongst the trees and the flowers and the sprawling roots, pouring more and more of himself into all of it as he goes.

Tobirama argues with him about his distraction, about his distance, about his decision to pass the mantle of Hokage onto Tobirama who never really wanted it but wears it now because he must, because Hashirama asked.  Because Tobirama has always done all he could do to make whatever Hashirama wanted into a reality.

Hurt and hurting Tobirama’s words and accusations are cold and cutting, because that is what a life of too much war and too little peace has made him in moments like this, when fear and love rides him hard, and unlike Hashirama he’s never been able to slip more than a fraction of that mantle.  But, most of all, Tobirama is desperate not to let his beloved elder brother slip through his fingers like so many others have in the past.

They built the village Hashirama and Madara dreamed of to stop the death and the suffering so why is Tobirama’s beautiful and lively brother seemingly so determined to fade away.  To go where Tobirama cannot follow?

He doesn’t understand and if there’s one thing Tobirama truly hates in this life it is not knowing.

But Hashirama just smiles at him, reaches up to pull him down so he can press a kiss to Tobirama’s forehead, and then drifts away back into the trees.

Mito watches her husband just as closely and sees what Tobirama, her brother in all the ways that matter, sees.

Hashirama, once so vibrant and alive, is ... diminished.  Fading bit by bit.

But, unlike Tobirama, Mito keeps her silence.  Words have not been necessary between her and Hashirama for years now.

Instead she follows him into the forest when time and her duties will permit it, sometimes even when they do not.  She watches him breathe new life into a forest that already teems with it.  Watches him eradicate sickness from saplings, watches him push them to grow until they are towering monoliths with bark as hard as iron.  She watches him run calloused, battle worn fingertips over flower petals and leaves with the gentle sort of reverence that he’s always touched her with in their quieter moments, in the times when passion and lust and heat were not necessary. When only love was.

She loves him all the more in those moments, in these moments of fading light, even when she knows that he is leaving her.  Going somewhere she cannot follow, not with her duties, not with what she carries.  Not yet.  Likely not for decades to come.

“Mito,” Hashirama sighs to her one night when the fireflies are thick and the trees sway down to meet the both of them.  “My beloved Mito.”

“Husband,” Mito murmurs back as she always does, one hand smoothing over his hair where his head is resting in her lap.  “My foolish husband.”

“I cannot give you back the sea,” Hashirama whispers once the silence has grown thick and heavy around them.  “I cannot return you to the whirlpools and the eddies.”

“You took neither from me so they are not yours to return,” Mito tells him sternly, lovingly.  “My choices were and are my own, you wood brained idiot.  They have never been yours to carry.  If I wanted the ocean I would simple go to it.  But Konoha is my home now.”

“My fierce fire-pearl,” Hashirama smiles then, soft and small.  “My beloved ocean rose.  I would bring the very sea here to meet you if I could.  Or I’d pester Tobirama into doing it for me.  But instead I give you this, an ocean of trees, a sea of leaves and flowers as wild and untamed as Uzushio’s itself.  Here you will always be safe, here you will always find me.”

“I will never need to find you,” Mito tells him, the hand laid atop his chest clenching just a bit in the battle silk above his heart.  “You will not go where I cannot follow you, you know better by now.”

“Of course, dear,” Hashirama smiles.

They both know it for the lie that it is.

They both know he’s already leaving.

And when he loves her there, pressed down onto a bed of soft clover and surrounded by trees that seem to sing, Mito tangles her hands in his hair, raises her hips to meet his own as steadily as the tide, and weeps.

~~~

Mito is a widow no more than a month later.

~~~

Tobirama does not weep but the skies do it for him, monsoon like rain washing over Konoha the moment he feels Hashirama’s living and present chakra signal fade away into nothing.

For three days and nights there is only rain, water rushing down streets and swelling the rivers and lakes.

The villagers pray for sun.

Tobirama mourns.

The trees of the forest sway and sing.

~~~

Years pass and Mito wanders the forest in her free moments, hands trailing over tree trunks and vines alike, fingertips ghosting over flower petals and slowly unfurling buds.

As she walks she whispers or rants or sometimes sings, telling the forest her days, her nights, her triumphs and her failures.

And always, always, the trees hum and sway and sing back to her in welcome, in safety.

In love.

~~~

Tobirama wanders the forest in his free moments, leaving streams and ponds in his wake as he goes.  He pulls fresh water to the surface, cleanses stagnation where he finds it and ensures that it does not return.

‘Refuge,’ Tobirama thinks as he pulls water from the air and the ground as he breathes his own form of life into the forest his brother had loved and nurtured like a child.  The forest he had tried and failed to hate in his grief.  ‘Let this be a refuge, let this be a place of peace.’

He does not speak to the trees that feel so like his brother and yet not.  Does not talk or argue or scream or rage or beg.  He keeps his silence now as he had not then.

But the trees sing back regardless.

Hashirama had always known all of the things Tobirama could never bring himself to say.  Had always been able to read beneath and between and around whatever Tobirama did.

His forest is no different.

~~~

Far too soon Tobirama is gone as well and Mito is alone in a way that has far too little to do with the number of people around her and everything to do with her heart.

More years pass and her isolation, her loneliness, only grows.

She is one of last of a quickly dying breed, one of the few who truly remembers life before the villages.

She aches for her husband, for her brother, for her family.

Sometimes, in her darker moments, she even aches for the burden she knows she will pass onto another.

And now she aches for the Clan she has lived long enough to see destroyed.

When Uzushio falls Mito takes to the forest as she always does these days.  As she has for years and years now.

She does not rage.

She does not weep.

Instead, kunai in hand, she bleeds.

Uzumaki blood and life force flow out onto rich dark soil, is pressed onto iron bark tree trunks and splattered over flowing vines and unfurled leaves.

Seals flow from her bloody finger tips, are pressed into the ground with every whisper quiet step she takes.

“Shelter,” Mito half begs, half demands to the forest that has been her companion for so long now.  “Uzushio has fallen.  Hashirama, my love, my people are slaughtered and scattered and lost.  You said you would give me the sea if you could, you said this forest was built for me as much as it was for the village.  So let this be a shelter. Let this be a place of safety for those who truly need it.  Let the Uzumaki blood find home and hope beneath these branches as I long have.  Let them know your love as I do.  Should they come, let them stay.”

And all around her the forest hums and sways and sings.

Mito, bloody hands pressed against the trunk of the colossal tree that Hashirama had once made love to her under, laughs.

And then, finally, she weeps.

~~~

Time passes, the village moves forward, and so many, too many, forget things that should never be forgotten.

The forest grows darker, the trees, with their tunneling roots, grow more imposing, the animals more vicious and wild.

The trees stop singing.

Instead they rattle and shake and hum in what some would swear is anger.

~~~

Naruto has always liked plants.

Has always liked the green and growing things that can be found almost everywhere around the village.

Trees and flowers and vines don’t hurt him.  They don’t call him names, or throw things at him, or spit and stare and hit.

Plants are kind. Plants are safe.

And there’s far too few things or places or people in the village that Naruto can truly call safe.  Not for him.

Chest aching, Naruto swipes at the mess of blood and tears smeared across his face as he pushes himself to go faster, to run harder.

He just wants to be away.  Away from the name calling and the hitting.  Away from the hurt.

He barely even pauses when he hits the fence littered with warning signs he can only half read, just scrambles up and over it without even breaking his stride.

Naruto might not be good at or for much of anything but he’s always been good at this.  At running and climbing and finding his own way.  It’s not much but it’s all he has.

The forest is dark and gets darker the deeper he runs.  The trees grow thicker and taller as he goes too, grow bigger than anything Naruto has ever seen besides the Hokage Mountain.

He runs until he can’t anymore, until he collapses at the base of a tree even bigger than the others he’s seen in the forest.

Chest heaving, tears welling up in his eyes again, Naruto presses his bloody hands and face against the thick bark and cries.

Around him to forest goes still, goes quiet.

“Please,” Naruto whispers, unsure of why he feels the need to talk to trees when not even people want to listen to him. “Please help.  It hurts. It hurts so much.  I don’t want to go back.  Please.”

And even as exhaustion rips and claws at him, forcing black in around the edges of his vision, Naruto swears that, for a split second, the tree he’s leaning against almost seems to sing.

[patchofsunlight]

Warmth | Zuko x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Avatar!Reader AU | Zuko has made many mistakes and holds uncountable regrets, but maybe Y/N can still love him back. Spoiler: she does.

REQUEST (by anon): “Could you do a zuko with maybe a f! avatar? Him falling in love with her like how they joked in ember island play. And him being tormented when she 'dies' in cross roads and them having some tender moment of confessing either in the western temple or ember island? maybe the play has the kiss and he confesses idk”

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

WARNINGS: Y/N is the Avatar, so Aang doesn’t exist. kissing, there might be swear words but I don’t really remember, bad editing. lots of mutual pining and some angst. I don’t know if I did this request justice but I really tried?

OBSERVATIONS: there’s a bit of Sokka x Reader bc I’m a weak woman but in the end he’s the main Zuko and Y/N shipper. not having Aang seriously hurt me. I wrote most of the Zuko sad rant in the beginning listening to Words Fail by Ben Platt and I think it would be interesting if you guys listened to that while reading? idk

I hope you all like it!!! feedback is always appreciated, so keep that in mind and thank you very much for reading!!

There was a hole inside his chest that Zuko simply couldn’t get rid of. It hurt him to his core, bringing pained sobs to the edge of his throat and slowly dismantling his soul.

He always thought getting rid of Y/N would quench his anger, rebuild his honor and complete his destiny. Now, his father accepted him again, Mai was his girlfriend, and Azula treated him like a true brother, in her own deranged ways. The Fire Nation considered him a hero, the man who killed the Avatar.

Then why did it trouble him so much? Why did he wake up every night in a cold sweat, with tears stinging his eyes? Why did he have the same nightmare over and over where he was the one responsible for her death, hitting her with lightning and watching as the light inside her disappeared, leaving behind only her idle body and Katara’s desperate cries? Why couldn’t he be satisfied? He had fulfilled his fate. He had done what he was meant to do, sided with his people, and fought against his greatest enemy. Why wasn’t he happy? Why couldn’t he ever be happy?

Back in Ba Sing Se, he saw her at the Jasmine Dragon more than once. He couldn’t believe his eyes when she first entered the teashop, and he was pretty sure she had recognized him, but Y/N managed to send a polite smile in his direction and sit down, greeting “Mushi” with joy. When Zuko served her tea, she asked him what his name was as if she didn’t know. She didn’t confront nor attack him — she simply let him live his new life and went on living hers. It felt like she had washed off his sins, erased the bloodstains he carried in his soul and hands. Y/N freed him of his past and he had thrown it all away.

It was the right thing to do, he had told himself day after day after day. Except it wasn’t, and now Iroh refused to talk to him and the Avatar was probably dead and, in the case she wasn’t, she would never forgive him. She wouldn’t let him be free of himself again and he would never get redemption for his mistakes.

He wished he could go back in time and fight alongside Y/N in that crystal cave, wished he could live up to the trust Katara offered him before they were saved, wished he could have stopped Azula from throwing that lightning bolt. He wished he could do things in the right way, yet he couldn’t. Zuko tried so hard to regain his so-called honor and to bring his father pride but his only real achievement was engulfing himself in guilt and regret, being aware that powerful and forgiving Y/N could be dead because of his lack of dignity and character — this couldn’t be honor. Violence, betrayal, death, and hurt couldn’t be honor, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his father’s pride if it meant feeling like this, like he was no good, like he was not worthy of love or praise or admiration.

Zuko had spent a great part of his life hating himself, but nothing compared to the hate he felt every night after waking up from another crushing nightmare. How dared he make this about himself and his feelings of guilt when the Avatar could be dead? How dared he worry about the Fire Lord’s pride when the world’s last hope was gone? How dared he indulge in self-pity after all he had done? He didn’t deserve pity, didn’t deserve help, he only deserved to wallow in his own pain and die. But that wouldn’t fix anything, neither would it bring Y/N back — he had to act, and he had to do it fast.

Going after Team Avatar was not difficult. He thought he would feel complicated like he had when first betraying Y/N’s trust, thought it would hurt like coming back to the Fire Nation did. Thankfully, leaving only caused a new type of satisfaction to bloom inside his chest, giving him the sensation he was finally walking through the right path. Hope seemed to pour out of every pore in his body and he could somehow think of better, future days when he would have done enough to make up for his mistakes, days when he didn’t feel the urge to scream every time he looked at a mirror. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to despise himself like he currently did, maybe things would be okay and he would be truly happy, if that was even something he had the capability to do.

But then they didn’t want him. He left everything behind, he charged every inch of his hope with the idea of joining the Avatar, and they didn’t want him. Why would they? Why would they, after everything he had done? How could he have even considered they would accept him, that she would trust him again? Of course they didn’t want him. No one did and no one ever would and that was entirely his fault — it was his fault that he was a bad person, took the wrong decisions, and caused pain and destruction. It was his fault he never did the right thing and he should’ve known he would be rejected again, for being rejected was just what he deserved.

But it still hurt. Oh, Spirits, it hurt. She couldn’t even look at him, even after he helped them defeat Combustion Man and was finally accepted in the group. Sadly, it made Zuko realize that, no matter where he stood, he would never be a part of their team, and Y/N would never trust him entirely. For some reason, that was more upsetting than their rejection. He wanted to impress her, wanted her to like him, and she never would.

“Y/N? Can I—can I come in?”

The Avatar looked up from the map she was currently analysing on her bed, studying his figure carefully before nodding with hesitance, “yes. Do you need something?”

He sighed deeply and walked towards her, feeling his heart crack when she brought her legs closer to her body and away from him the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, “I—I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, everything.”

Her expression hardened and she averted her eyes back to the map, “we have nothing to talk about, Zuko. You can go back to your room.”

The Fire Nation Prince swallowed nervously, “Y/N, please. I’m so, so sorry. I have made so many mistakes, I—”

“Zuko,” her voice was firm and emotionless, but that quickly changed when she met his gaze, “I thought things could be different. I thought things could be different back in the North Pole, when we first talked to each other and you told me about Azula. I thought things could be different when you saved me as the Blue Spirit. And I was so convinced things would be different when we met again in Ba Sing Se that I—” she scoffed at her own words, “I had a crush on you, can you believe that? That’s why I visited the teashop so regularly, I just wanted to see you. Stupid, of course. I should’ve known.”

Zuko was sure she could hear his anxious heart beating from the other side of the bed. They were less than a foot away, and yet it felt like miles. He didn’t want her to think about him like that, he didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. Damn, she used to have a crush on him, she liked him, and he screwed everything up like usual. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m—I’m here now, I’m on your side.”

“Yeah, but I thought you were on my side back then too. Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. You need to teach me firebending and that’s the only reason you’re allowed here. Talking is unnecessary.”

“Please, I—”

“You should leave, Prince Zuko,” he flinched at the title escaping her lips, hating how it sounded bitter coming from her, “I have really important matters to deal with. We’ll start my firebending training tomorrow.” 

“Y/N—”

“Leave, Zuko.”

With a heaviness inside his stomach, he left the room, missing if by a second the frustrated tear that ran down Y/N’s cheek. She wanted to trust him, but how could she? How could she let him in after his betrayal? She had always been forgiving, but she refused to be naive — seeing Zuko side with Azula in the crystal caves hurt her deeply and shoved her little crush on him down her throat. She couldn’t go through that again, it would be simply idiotic to. Y/N had to stand her ground. She wouldn’t be hurt by him again.

-----

“Hey, jerks. Mind if I watch you two jerks do your jerkbending?”

“Get out of—” Zuko was interrupted by the Avatar’s laughter. Sokka smiled softly at her, cheeks blushing. For some reason, that only managed to piss Zuko off even more, “get out of here!”

“Okay, take it easy. I was just kidding around,” the Water Tribe boy winked at Y/N, “see you later?”

“Sure, we still need to see that part of the temple we found yesterday. Exploration partners!”

“Exploration partners!” he agreed with a chuckle and turned away from them. “Bye, Y/N. Jerkbending… Still got it.”

Zuko glanced at her with irritation while she watched Sokka leave. He felt already incredibly frustrated for not being able to produce his fire and not knowing why, he definitely did not need to watch as Sokka and Y/N flirted. 

They would make a cute couple, though, and she smiled so brightly at him it was physically painful to watch. He wanted her to smile like that at him, look like that at him. But she wouldn’t — she was over her crush and had no reason to ever feel anything towards him again, not after what he had done. He didn’t deserve her love anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

“So? Any progress, Sifu Hotman?”

“I told you not to call me that,” he snarled angrily and she sighed.

“Sorry, Sifu Hotman.”

“This was a mistake,” he sat down roughly, ignoring the ache on his legs due to the sudden movement, “maybe teaching you firebending is not my destiny.”

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, not understanding, “what do you mean?”

“How can I teach you anything when I’ve lost my fire, Y/N?” he chuckled sadly, letting one of his hands go through his hair in distress. “I wanted to be on the good side of the war and I can’t even make myself useful.”

“You haven’t lost your fire, Zuko,” her voice was careful, “I think you’re just going through some internal conflict and that’s reflecting on your bending, but if you were meant to teach me firebending, you will. Your destiny is still your destiny regardless, Sifu Hotman.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the Avatar! I’m not even sure who I am anymore, but you have always known what your destiny was.”

“Yeah, and I was scared of it,” she smiled softly, “I ran away and disappeared for a hundred years. People died because of my absence. I have made mistakes, and I have failed many, many times. Sadly, that doesn’t make me less of an Avatar. Zuko, if you must be my teacher, it’s gonna work. We’ll figure things out and you will get your fire back. Okay?”

He stared inside her eyes. There was still some sort of mistrust in them — she was willing to help him because she needed him, but still suspicious. She wasn’t really sure he was on their side, but this was a start. He was going to fix everything and he would make her proud. He would make Y/N happy to call him a friend. Or something more.

Maybe he had a crush on her, too.

-----

Toph’s idea to look for the original source of firebending had greatly backfired (no pun intended, even though Y/N could clearly hear Sokka’s laughter in her head at the joke). They traveled to the Sun Warriors’ ancient city and found an impressive temple adorned with statues. Things were going surprisingly well until they weren’t, and now they were stuck in a disgusting glue because Zuko touched the pretty gemstone. Hours had passed and Y/N was increasingly more annoyed at their situation.

“You had to pick up the glowing egg, didn’t you?”

“At least I made something happen! If it were up to you, we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

“Maybe, but we wouldn’t be stuck here either, so did you really win?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, “this is stupid. How are we getting out of here?”

“Help!” the girl screamed as loudly as she could, being met with only silence.

“Who are you yelling to? Nobody’s lived here for centuries,” the Fire Prince argued and it was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, what do you think we should do, genius?”

“Think about our place in the universe?”

Despite her current irritation, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at his words. He instinctively smiled back and she felt warmth spread through her chest.

She was starting to think she wasn’t as over her crush on him as she thought.

They were rescued by the Sun Warriors and judged by the last dragons, and Y/N was sure she hadn’t felt this alive in a while. After burning Katara (it was so long ago it seemed like a different life), she had thought of fire as something destructive, harmful, but she could now see it with new eyes. Fire could be love, life, and power. 

The Avatar glanced at Zuko. Maybe she could try and see him as that, too. 

-----

“You did well today,” Zuko complimented warily, avoiding her gaze, “if we keep up the training, you might become a better firebender than me.”

“Why, thank you, Hotman,” she smiled brightly and Zuko was sure he could pass out right there, “I just have a great teacher.”

“Y/N!”

The Avatar felt Sokka before she saw him, laughing at the way he hugged her from behind joyfully, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “Hey, honey. What’s up?”

“Doing fine,” he mumbled, brushing her hair off his face delicately, “wanna grab something to eat?”

“I think I’m gonna train some more and clean myself later. I’ll meet you after?”

“Sure! I’ll be back inside. See you, Y/N, Zuko.”

They both watched as the Water Tribe boy entered the temple again. There was a weird burning sensation running through Zuko’s blood when he asked, voice slightly raspy and overly quiet, “so, you and Sokka, huh? You make a nice couple.”

She turned her head to him so quickly it almost gave her whiplash, “what? No! I mean—” she blushed at the question, flustered by the fact he would even consider something like that. The Fire Prince waited silently, irritation surfacing at her stammering. He wasn’t sure why that angered him so much, but he decided to be still and listen, “we are just friends,” she concluded, “he means a lot to me, but so do Katara and Toph, you know? We are—we are just friends. He even likes that Kyoshi Warrior, Suki! So, yeah, we are definitely not a couple.”

“I see,” Zuko felt curiously static with that piece of information, “and you don’t have feelings for him?”

“No, of course not. I mean, I had a thing for him when we first met, but now it’s gone. He’s my best friend and I love him, just not like that.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Good?” Y/N turned her head to the side in confusion and he paled considerably, finally noticing the meaning of his own words. “Why is that good?”

“Oh? I—it’s good that you love him! Yeah, having friends is amazing, right? Yeah.”

She smiled amusingly, “it truly is.”

“Yeah.”

The Avatar chuckled lightly, “come on, Sifu Hotman. Let’s do that leg movement again, I think I’m not doing it right.”

Days passed and a lot of things happened. Zuko knew Y/N wouldn’t be happy with Sokka’s suicide mission, but he couldn’t let him do it alone, so he accompanied him to the Boiling Rock. Again, she wasn’t happy when he followed Katara for revenge for her mother’s death, but then at least someone had Katara’s back and was ready to protect her. He desperately wanted to earn Y/N’s trust and friendship, but that was rather difficult when he insisted on doing the stuff she didn’t want him to do.

They continued their training on Ember Island and the whole Team seemed to thoroughly enjoy the place. Y/N was giving her all to learn firebending and was succeeding splendidly. To be honest, Zuko loved to see her get the moves right — every single time she made it, she would look at him with bright eyes and grin. It was the most beautiful sight Zuko had ever seen and he would do anything to have it permanently engraved in his mind.

They stayed up late during one particular night. They were both exhausted after hours of training and ended up sat beside each other on the ground on the back of the Fire Nation Royal Family’s beach house. The air between them was filled with silence and heavy breathing from their previous effort.

“Hey, Zuko?” after a few moments, Y/N called him gently, voice tired and raspy giving him chills. She laid down and stared at the dark sky. “Look at the stars with me.”

He blinked, “really? I mean, shouldn’t we go inside?”

“Please?” her eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. “Just for a bit.”

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, lying down next to her. They looked at the sky quietly for a bit.

He liked to be around her. It could be the Avatar thing, but Y/N had a calming aura around her that was just unmissable. Being next to her like this gave him the feeling things would be alright, the feeling he was not worthless. It was a lie, of course. There was no way to know how their plans would go, and he was pretty much worthless.

But being beside her was enough to trick his mind. Maybe the little crush he harbored towards her had become something more — Spirits, he liked her so much. Not that it mattered, considering there was no way she would ever love him back, not after everything he had done.

“When I was younger, I believed we became stars when we died.”

He turned his head to look at her, “really?”

She turned to look back and his breath hitched at their close proximity. She chuckled, “yeah. I didn’t even know I was the Avatar back then, I was so young. They told me when I was sixteen, and I ran away shortly after,” there was bitterness to her words, “like a coward.”

“You are not a coward, Y/N. You had no way of knowing how things would go.”

“You really think so?”

“I do. Besides, if you hadn’t run away, you wouldn’t have been stuck on ice for a hundred years, and I would never have met you, which would be awful,” he widened his eyes, completing quickly, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. I wouldn’t have met them either. Of course.”

Her smile was so pretty he forgot how to breathe, “you’re right, Zuko. I don’t think I would have liked to live a life where I never met you,” she smirked before going on with teasing eyes, “and Sokka, Katara, and Toph, too. Of course.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a blush on his face. They stared at each other carefully and Zuko was pretty sure his heart was performing a professional routine of somersaults inside his body. He definitely was past just a simple crush.

Y/N smiled that dazzling smile of hers before averting her gaze to the stars again and yawning. “We should go in.”

“We should,” the Fire Prince immediately started to sit up, but she held him down with a hand to his chest, and probably felt his crazy heartbeat under her fingers.

“Just a bit more, Prince Zuko,” she whispered, eyes trained to the sky. Slowly but surely, she moved her hand from his chest to his own hand, creating goosebumps on every inch of skin she lightly touched on the way there. Zuko could feel his body burn at the barely-there feeling of her fingertips. She intertwined her fingers with his carefully, giving him the chance to pull away if he so wished. He let out a shaky breath and squeezed her hand. She immediately squeezed his back in reassurance.

In the middle of the quiet and comfort they suddenly found in each other, they fell asleep under the stars, fingers playing with each other until exhaustion finally engulfed them in dreams of pretty smiles and light touches.

It was nice to dodge the nightmares.

-----

“I’ve heard you and Zuko slept outside today,” Sokka had a teasing tone to his voice. Y/N glared at him, “you are together now or something?”

“We are not,” she countered, scratching Appa while they talked. Zuko, Toph, Katara, and Suki had left for the beach already. Y/N still needed to feed her sky bison and Sokka offered to help with the excuse of being a good friend. The Avatar was absolutely sure that wasn’t the real reason he stayed back alongside her and he was currently proving her right, “we were just stargazing and then fell asleep.”

“Stargazing, huh? Real cute. I bet it was an endearing impromptu date, wasn’t it?”

“Since when do you even know the word impromptu?”

“I am always full of surprises.”

“Right,” she rolled her eyes and he laughed loudly, “it was not a date.”

“But you do like him, right?.”

“What?” she turned her entire body to him, furrowing her brows and crossing her arms in a defensive stance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I know you better than you know yourself and I can tell you have feelings for him,” Sokka copied her movements, staring at her with a smirk, “I also know he likes you back.”

Y/N scoffed and transferred her attention back to Appa, “he does not.”

“So you admit you like him!”

“Shut up, Sokka!” she glared, but quickly gave up under his intense eyes and raised brows. “Yeah, I like him. It doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yes, it does! He feels the same! Look, what about this,” he leaned in closer, that crazy look he had whenever making up a plan taking over his face, “we are going to watch that play about us tonight, right? Well, you guys can sit next to each other! Like a couple!”

“That’s a terrible idea, honey.”

“It’s not! I bet he’s gonna make a move!”

“He won’t, because he’s not in love with me.”

“Wait, you’re in love with him?”

Y/N’s entire body tensed up. She shouldn’t have said that. She wasn’t in love with Zuko! Was she? I mean, she did love to be beside him, and her heart sped up when he gave her one of his rare smiles, and training with him when he had his shirt off was distracting to say the least. Besides, he really seemed to have changed and grown — she felt like she could trust him again, but she could never be sure, and she was adamant on not getting hurt once more. Especially now, when she was dealing with so many things. If he betrayed her a second time… Spirits, it would be just too much to handle.

“I don’t know,” she muttered and Sokka’s cheeky smile faltered, “I don’t want to be.”

He stretched an arm out to hold her hand fondly, “it’s fine, Y/N. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”

The Avatar smiled sadly, “thank you, Sokka. I’m really glad to have you in my life.”

“I know, honey. I’m great like that.”

She laughed loudly and he grinned in satisfaction, turning her body around and starting to lead her towards the beach, an arm through her shoulders holding her close to his body.

“Shut up, Sokka. You’re so stupid.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

Zuko felt a pang to his chest when Sokka and Y/N arrived at the beach holding each other so dearly, but he knew he had no right to complain. She would be better off with Sokka anyway — he was good-looking, nice, funny, smart. Meanwhile, Zuko was nothing but a sad mixture of mistakes and regrets. The Avatar deserved more than that.

“Hey, Hotman,” she walked to him with a smile, planting a kiss on Sokka’s cheek before leaving his side. “Why are you all alone on the sand?”

“Because he’s boring,” Toph answered from some feet away and Katara chuckled. Zuko could feel his face redden.

“He is not,” Y/N argued amusingly, sitting down beside him and grinning. She glanced at him with a happy spark in her eyes, “are you excited for the play tonight?”

“No,” he muttered, but his lack of vivacity didn’t bother her in the slightest, “the Ember Island plays are always ridiculous.”

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she shrugged contently, basking in the hot sun, “if it isn’t, we can always throw food at the stage or whatever.”

He tried really hard, but couldn’t bit back the smile that took over his frown. He watched her attentively, noticing how she seemed to glow in the daylight, giving off this incredible warmth he had only ever seen on her. He averted away his gaze, feeling his neck and face heat up at how unapologetically beautiful she was.

Zuko cleared his throat quietly, “yeah, I guess.”

She only smirked in response.

-----

The play could be worse, he figured. Yes, their portrayal of him was horrible (even though his friends — could he call them friends? Were they friends? He hoped they were — said otherwise) and the actress playing Y/N was not nearly as pretty as the Avatar really was, but Y/N was next to him and, at some point, she had leaned her head on his shoulder tiredly and stayed there. All the training was getting to her and he felt inexplicable joy in the fact she trusted him enough to rest her body on his.

“Look,” her voice was raspy from sleepiness and a chill ran down his spine, “I think now is when you join Team Avatar and becomes our friend.”

He nodded carefully not to disturb her from her position and his heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled closer to his neck. Zuko watched as actor Zuko was accepted into the group and just after a scene with only him and actress Y/N started. Actor Zuko stared at the actress longingly, “my dear Y/N… I know I have wronged you in many ways, but I wanted to apologize for my mistakes and beg for your forgiveness!”

Y/N giggled at that, nudging him affectionately, “that really happened.”

He smiled, eyes following the performers on stage. Actor Zuko continued, “your forgiveness… And maybe your love, Avatar.”

They both immediately tensed up at the words and Y/N moved her head slightly, brows furrowing in confusion.

“My love, Prince Zuko?”

“Yes, my darling.”

They all watched as Actor Zuko and Actress Y/N kissed passionately, earning cheers from the audience. Sokka whistled loudly and Y/N turned to glare at him, receiving a wink in return.

“I have been in love with you since we first met!” Actor Zuko declared excitedly, holding Actress Y/N’s hands. “You are the only one who can make me forget about my teen angst. I love you, Y/N.”

“Well… I don’t!” Actress Y/N moved away swiftly and the crowd gasped in surprise. “I have accepted you in my group, Prince Zuko… But I’ll never accept you in my heart! You’re a bad person that doesn’t deserve my love!”

“What?!” Sokka almost screamed in disbelief. Y/N finally took her head off Zuko’s shoulder, incertitude swimming in her eyes. Before she had the chance to speak, Zuko had already left. The Water Tribe boy widened his eyes at her. “Go after him!”

Y/N nodded her head, getting out of her seat and walking after Zuko, calling his name. He ignored her, feeling anger boil inside him. He knew she would never directly say something like that, but he also knew it was true. She would never love him — he wasn’t worthy of her love, and he was pretty sure she was aware of that too.

“Zuko, wait!” she finally catched up to him, holding his arm and pulling him back. “It’s just a stupid play, Zuko. None of that is true.”

“Really, Y/N?” he turned to stare at her, rage covering his expression. “Because I’m almost certain it is. They said I don’t deserve love, Y/N, and that’s true. After everything I’ve done…”

“No!” she exclaimed desperately, shaking her head vehemently in disagreement. “Zuko, of course you deserve love. Yes, you have made mistakes, but all of us have. You shouldn’t care about what some actress says.”

“But they’re right, Y/N,” he insisted, feeling tears stinging his eyes, “I’m unworthy of love and everyone knows, and that’s why nobody actually loves me.”

“I love you!” she yelled out before she could stop herself, breath hitching at the troubled look taking over his face. Y/N sighed deeply, crossing her arms shyly and looking away, “I do,” her voice was small as she blushed, “I thought I was over my little crush for you but I wasn’t, and it’s—it’s much more than a little crush. I was afraid of admitting it but I know who you are, Zuko. You are loyal and smart and so inherently good and I love you. Spirits, I really do.”

  He stared at her for a second, processing her words. She fidgeted anxiously and he smiled at all her small manners. With certainty to his movements, Zuko took a step forwards and cradled her face in his hands. He studied every inch of her expression, waiting for some kind of rejection. She offered him a hopeful smile and he was quick to smash his lips with hers, feeling the warmth that always surrounded her consume him entirely. He kissed her passionately, happiness pouring out of him — the words “she loves you” echoing inside his mind like a broken record, filling his heart with joy.

She moved away when there was no more air in her lungs, breathing heavily and grinning like a mad woman. Y/N lifted her arm and touched his scar so fondly it physically hurt. Never before had he been touched with such care and it made tears flood his eyes, something she instantly noticed, giggling at his cuteness and drying one running tear with her thumb. She felt like her chest was full. He kissed her thumb lovingly when it rested near his mouth. 

She loved him. She thought he was worthy of love, of her love, even after everything he had done. No matter how many mistakes he had made, she still loved him, and that thought was enough to make Zuko feel some sort of hope towards the future.

Spirits, she really loved him.

“I love you too, Y/N. Very, very much.”

is it good? not really. could it be worse? yeah lmao

taglist: @bottledcostcowater @lammello @coldlilheart @azucanela @samsmultifandomblogs and @knaite-solo that asked to be tagged on this particular piece

thank you all for reading!! I hope you liked it!!

[ohmy7hearts]

spring gale

Summary: Spring means new beginnings but a gale (a storm more like?) in the name of Shinazugawa Sanemi blows your plans out and throw your once peaceful life into the winds.

Pairings: Shinazugawa Sanemi x Fem!Reader // future Shinazugawa Genya x SisterFigure!Reader 

A/N: this,,, is v impromptu. i literally got out of my bed bc it has been bugging me with how little sanemi fanfics there are, esp modern aus. tbh, there have been plenty of fics brewing in my mind and tell me if there’s any you’d be interested in and maybe i will return from my hiatus hah:

 - zhongli modern au: adepti babies being your adopted children and navigating parenthood 

- unknown pairing as of now but travelers being your kids so transporting yourself into the world to find them after 500+ years of not returning home 

- etc involving atsumu, diluc, childe but if you have any requests, feel free to drop it in and maybe i’ll consider them

Warnings: Some cursing (I mean it’s Sanemi lolol)

“Shinazugawa-san?” Sanemi glanced up, his hands continued packing away his things into the bag, an eyebrow raised. You smiled, hands folded over the other in front of you, as you continued to speak after gaining his attention. “When would you be free to do the project?”

He sighed, throwing his bag over his shoulder, while making his way out of the classroom - tone and body language showing his disinterest in the conversation. “We can just do it in class.”

You jogged to get into step next to him, “Well, it is for the bare minimum. I’m sure we can do much better than that.” You observed his side profile to see if any emotion could give way to what he was thinking. You frowned, frustration creeping up on you, “I understand that we’re not each other’s first choice in partners but that’s not an excuse to not do our best.”

“Are grades and studying the only thing in that airhead of yours?” His eyes flit towards yours for a moment before returning its gaze forward. “I don’t fucking have as much free time as you.”

You stopped following him. A bolt of anger and disbelief had your mouth dropping and hands curling into shaking fists. You scoffed, voice raising with each word, “I believe you need this more than me, Shinazugawa-san. Unless you want to continue being a pain in everyone’s ass and eventually not even graduate, then be my guest.” 

He swiveled towards you. You flinched reactively. He faltered, face momentarily flitting from anger to surprise back to annoyance the moment his eyes scanned you. One step, two steps. He was in your space, breathing in and out to you, with his  strikingly cold eyes and thin eyebrows furrowed. “Say that again, I dare you.”

You closed your eyes before releasing a deep sigh, muscles easing from the hold of your anger. “We don’t have to do it after school or on the weekends if you are that occupied. We can do it before school or during our breaks and even before our clubs start.” You grabbed one of his wrist, turning his palm upwards, shoving the crumpled paper with your number into it while fixating your glare on him throughout. You refuse to back down but you will be the bigger person. Forcing his hand to a close, you narrowed your eyes for good measure while trying to control the smirk from overtaking your face when his frown further deepened in distaste. Taking a step back, your hands returned to the usual folded stance, you forced an amicable smile to replace the smirk - although you have a feeling that he could still see the smirk from how his eye twitched, “Of course, it’s really up to you, Shinazugawa-san.”

Turning on your heel, you headed back to the classroom with your head held high and a full-blown smirk on your face while your peers watched with stolen glances and whispers behind hands or under breaths. The clicking of his tongue echoed in the corridor and in your head all the way back to the classroom. 

“Ara, ara, should you really do that (Y/N)-chan?” Shinobu greeted you by your desk, eyes filled with mirth from the free entertainment.

You laughed airily, eyes not meeting hers but focused on clearing the messy table, “I wouldn’t have to if he wasn’t that difficult.” 

“Not many survive Sanemi you know?” Shinobu followed you to the student council room. “One must use their life's worth of luck to crawl out from his bad side.” 

A bark of a laugh escaped you from her exaggeration. “Shinobu-chan ~ I thought you wanted to get into medicine and not theatrics?”

Her eyes met yours, a smirk tugging on her lips, eyes shifting precariously into ones when she knew something the other party doesn’t and in this case that was you. A shiver ran down your spine. You’ve been in the spot only a few times but still a few too many with most of them ending up jerking your view of the world down a path you’ve never considered. You gulped, hands itching and playing with themselves. 

“Did you not hear about how he got into a fight with some university boys down at the park?” She leaped into your space, voice dropping into a whisper in your ear yet head tilted to ensure a front seat view to your reaction. “He came out with a couple of scratches and bruises but…” Her small hands encircled your upper arm. Your eyes dropping to them before returning to her face - surprised to witness your shock colouring your face white as it was reflected in those big eyes of hers. “The boys said to be much bigger than he is, had to go to the hospital.” Her smile bordering on unhinged glee, she drawled, “They were so scared they didn’t sue him.”

She immediately returned to her spot beside you, a foot away, while her shoulders and arms lifted in a form of a shrug nonchalantly. “Apparently, when questioned, the boys said something about them being the ones out of line and they have worked things out.” 

Being close friends with Shinobu and Mitsuri meant that you were privy to the latest gossip and news but you always took it with a grain of salt seeing firsthand how some things were purposefully voided or added for the enjoyment of teenagers. You smiled unsurely, “that’s just a rumour Shinobu-chan.”

She pouted, invisible to those who didn't know her well enough or who weren’t keen enough, “You can ask Akio. He was a witness.”

Your eyes widened before blinking in incredulity. “What.”

She giggled, hand raising in a wave before dashing down the corridor. “Do share with me if he tells you more!” 

It took you a few seconds to regain your bearings, even a shake of your head to rid the mental image of Sanemi punching away on people bigger than him for his amusement. He was by no means a small person shown clearly with the muscles seen even through the school uniform - a testament to his achievements as one of the greatest fighters in the taekwondo club despite his lacklustre participation of actually attending said club practices - but there were certainly bigger and taller people in your school, much less university. 

“Hashimoto-san!” You snapped out of your musings.

“Tanaka-san.” You greeted back. The black haired guy chuckled, “I told you to call me by my first name. After all, we’ve been working together for 3 years. Unless, you don’t see me as a friend? Damn, it must hurt to only be seen as a student council partner even after winning the presidential election together.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” You huffed, plopping down into the chair and hands gravitating towards the papers on the table before being stopped by a hand on your wrist. Raising an eyebrow, he returned the gesture indicating there’s something he was expecting you to tell him. He released the grasp on your hand the moment you were falling back onto the back support of the chair with a sigh. “How may I help you Akio?”

“On the way here, I heard an interesting piece of news.” He sat sideways on the table, the leg on the table folded over the leg still standing. You folded your arms over your chest and hummed. “You and Shinazugawa were fighting?”

“It was just a talk that got a bit heated. I was trying to get a hold on him so we can do our project for literature together.” 

Akio’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared under his bangs. “Wow, what luck. First, he somehow got into your class through that stupid maths shit and now you have to deal with him.” He smiled in assurance, eyes crinkling close and  a hand over his heart. “Be careful but if anything happens, I’m here. I’ll come running to save my beloved president.”

You mouthed a wow. Silence blanketed the both of you as you nod in understanding - lips trying to contain the smiles and laughs - as he continued to express his devotion through his hand gestures - hand flying to point at you before returning to over his chest, patting it, then forming into a prayer of sorts - all the while mouthing his loyalty to you. 

With a shake of your head and hands indicating him to leave as you pulled yourself closer to your table, “Thanks but I doubt I need it.”

Instead, he tilted his head backwards and narrowed his eyes on the ceiling. “If you see what I saw, I wouldn’t put too much faith in him.”

Blood freezes over while questions overwhelm your mind. You gulped and licked your lips to get rid of the sudden dryness, “And what exactly are they?”

“He didn’t stop beating them up or screaming at them even when they were down. Three policemen had to pry him off and restrain him.”

Your heart dropped.

[posallys]

i saw a post about percy and poseidon and i figured i'd drop this stupid little headcanon i have here (i also take stuff from this analysis, so go read that mayhaps)

Ya know how we’ve established i think that Percy’s fatal flaw should be control and not loyalty? And how I talked about the whole “Percy and Poseidon are quick to anger” thing in my analysis of them? And how it’s literally in their nature to want to be in control of everything around them?

okay, well, for whatever reason, percy is on olympus (maybe a solstice? maybe annabeth is talking about stuff for her rebuild? idk)

and a god somebody says something and it he gets pissed, and since his emotions are so closely linked with his powers, he accidentally triggers an earthquake

except, poseidon could obviously tell that there was going to be an earthquake bc he could feel it, so he just kind of pops in front of percy and grabs his wrists/hands and is like "that's an awfully big earthquake you almost caused, ya know."

And Percy’s kind of shaking because he could feel the way the anger took over and how he couldn’t stop the earthquake himself. He was trying so hard to restrain it, to hold it back, but he couldn’t.

He doesn’t really say anything to Poseidon, because he’s clenching his jaw to the point that it’s painful, but he looks up at Poseidon, and his eyes kind of give it away.

(and it may not have been obvious to anybody else, but it was obvious to poseidon because he can't even begin to count the amount of times that look has been on his own face)

So Poseidon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes and nods a little (meanwhile the rest of the gods are just like 👀 👀 because percy almost fucked a lot of shit up and poseidon is being very calm and also being a dad and trying to help his kid)

So he lets go of percy's wrists and is like "come with me"

And Percy kind of hesitates for a moment, but then Poseidon is like “It wasn’t a question” because he knows it’s probably the only thing that’ll help, so it’s Not A Question.

(and poseidon knows that he should have done it after the titan war. He should have helped Percy sooner, but he didn’t, so he has to do it now, and he’s going to do it, because he's not going to let percy keep walking blindly through the mess that is their powers)

Poseidon does some god shit and flashes them out to like. The middle of fucking nowhere. like just creates a little slab of land in the middle of the ocean. nothing around for hundreds of miles except open water

Percy just looks at him like wtf? "Dad, why are we in the middle of the ocean??"

And Poseidon just kind of chuckles and is like “yeah, actually, we are in the middle of the ocean. This is the point that’s as far from any land that you can get.”

“Uh? Why?”

“Because it gives me enough time to stop any damage before it happens.”

Percy’s like “???? what damage?? Pls explain”

“I should have done this after the titan war, Percy. I should have—well it doesn’t matter what I should have done. You have to learn how to let go, and I’m going to help you.”

And Percy doesn’t like the idea of that. He doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t trust himself not to hurt someone or cause destruction (after all, his name means to destroy).

He must be making a face because Poseidon looks at him sympathetically.

“I know it’s hard, Percy. Believe me, I know better than anyone.”

Poseidon pauses for a moment and then continues… “How do you survive a riptide?” he asks.

Percy answers immediately. “You have to let it pull you out. Eventually, it’ll let you go out the side or the back. You don’t want to fight it, though, because you’ll probably drown trying.”

Poseidon purses his lips and nods, and Percy’s looking at him confused for a moment, trying to figure out why his dad asked about a riptide (because Poseidon obviously knows how they work).

And then he Gets It. “You mean...I have to stop fighting…”

“You have to let go. You have to let yourself be carried out sometimes. The longer you fight, the more tired you get, and the worse it becomes. The sea doesn’t like to be restrained, Percy.”

“But I—” Percy’s voice cracks

“I know you don’t want to, but I promise you, it helps.”

Percy nods and lets Poseidon tell him what to do.

Poseidon tells him to scream. To really let everything out. “I know, I know, you’ll probably feel stupid doing it, but do it anyway. No restraints, no worries. let it flow out of you.”

And so he does. He screams the way he’s wanted to for what’s felt like forever at this point. And the ocean responds to him. It responds to his frustration and his anger and his pain. And the waves are rough and choppy and the sky is turning a shade of grey, and the ground is trembling, and then the waves are getting higher and higher and they’re building, building, building, and then they’re crashing onto the ground around him.

And it feels good, really. To let go. to not have to restrain himself

And Poseidon is there watching him (and he’d stop anything Percy may cause before it got to a place where it could cause harm (there’s a reason they’re in the middle of the ocean, after all)).

And Percy’s scream dies out, and he sits down and he breaths and he feels like the world has been lifted off of his shoulders again.

But he’s not done yet because Poseidon is coaching him through things, making Percy create earthquakes and hurricanes and tsunamis, helping him find the balance between controlling them and letting them control him.

And then poseidon teaches him how to release his anger. He walks Percy through the steps. Start with your hands; unclench your fists. Relax your arms, your shoulders. Roll them out, hold yourself up straight. Unclench your jaw, stretch your neck out. Don’t hold the anger back, but don’t let it consume you. You have to change it, you have to feel it. Let it move through you like water flowing down a river. Feel it in your arms and your fingers and your legs, but then push it out. Not aggressively—calm. It has to be calm. You have to let it carry you to a certain point, but you can’t struggle. It’s a riptide, Percy. Once you surrender to it, you can escape it. Once you surrender to it, you really have control.

And it works. Percy goes through the steps, slowly relaxing himself, letting it move through him until it’s no longer anger and he no longer feels like he’s being crushed.

“I caused a lot of destruction when I was a younger god, Percy. I didn’t have a good grip over my anger. It took me a long time to figure out that, while I may control the ocean, the ocean also controls me. Do you know why? Because I am the ocean, and so are you. The ocean is inside of you, and you must find the balance between controlling and being controlled.”

“How often do you do this?”

“Every few months. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of control again. It’s in our nature to want to be in control, so conceding isn’t easy for us. So when I feel myself on edge, when I start angering quicker, I come here and I let go.”

So they make a habit out of it. They come out to the middle of the ocean every other month, or about as often as either of them needs it, and they let go, and Percy slowly gets better at becoming one with the ocean, better at finding the balance.

(and then they go to this diner in Montauk that Poseidon has a weird obsession with….)

And when Estelle is older, the three of them take the trip out to the middle of the ocean together, and they teach Estelle how to find balance. And she’s younger than Percy was, so her anger hasn’t had time to peak.

Unlike Percy, whose anger is silent, sneaky, creeping up out of nowhere (the way he’s smiling one moment and lashing out the next) Estelle’s anger was a storm you could see coming a hundred miles away. Her anger brews on the horizon, building and building, slowly getting bigger until there's nothing left but for it to shatter. Which makes it easier, really. She’s better at letting go than Percy is—she has time to let it dissipate before it reaches her.

[cilliansgirl]

angel ✧ finn shelby

Pairing: Finn Shelby x Female!reader

Warnings: mentions of rape, sex, just overall bad themes

Summary: After Finn left (Y/N), she goes to another Peaky boy for comfort. But three months in, he gets a little too comfortable and her boys aren’t there to save her this time.

A/N: This is bad bc I literally wrote it in 30 mins but hey ideas are sparking which I am not opposed to. 

GIF IS NOT MINE

She'd only given in because she was lonely. She didn't love him. He had only been there for her company. Now here she was, unable to get flee from the situation. He asked her to get married; she knew by the golden glint in his eyes that he was serious. She cared for him, but not as much as she did Finn. When did they even start dating? She doesn't remember. The past three months have all been a blur to her. It was all for comfort, all to satisfy her physical needs. She didn't know what to say. She blankly stared at the simple diamond ring held out to her. She felt her whole body shut down. She had to do it. She had to reject him because he wasn't Finn.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't," she whispered, almost inaudible.

"But you said you loved me," he retorted, his rage starting to rise.

"I don't."

"You don't love me or you won't because I'm not him," the man angrily slipped back.

“Both,” she stated, finally making contact with the firing rage in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she attempted to rush out the house but not before he harshly grabbed her wrist.

“You’re not leaving me,” he shot back.

“Please, please, stop,” she urged softly, twisting her hand to escape his grip.

He shouted, “No!”

Before she became aware, it was all happening. He had grabbed her waist and turned her towards him. She was fighting and fighting but he had taken advantage. It was never supposed to happen like this. She never meant it to go this far. She stopped fighting, she gave up. The boys had taught her how to fight when she was with them, but he was simply too strong. Nothing could save her. Her clothes were ripped off, her whole body became numb. She felt like a rag doll; being used, pulled, thrown in every which way. She didn’t really believe in God, but in this moment all she did was pray. Prayed that someone, anyone, would walk through the door. Prayed that Isaiah would walk through the door and save her like he always did, but no one came.

The next three hours were traumatizing. She just wanted to go home, so she did. She left while he was asleep, cautious not to wake him. Her clothes were ripped to shreds; she was in no place to be walking the streets of Small Heath, especially in the cold weather. The only decent piece of clothing keeping her covered was her long trench coat. She arrived at her door after what seemed like an eternity. She hurried and slammed the door shut just as harshly as she entered, swiftly locking every bolt on the door. Her first thought was to get it all off, every filthy touch and heinous word had to be washed out, so that is what she did. She doesn’t exactly know how long she had been sitting in the tub, but she knew it was time to get out when the water began chilling. She wrapped herself in a black cotton towel and grabbed her undergarments from her wardrobe.

After dressing herself slowly, the young girl looked in the mirror at the marks the man had given her. She thought unforgivable things.

Maybe this is what I get.

Maybe its karma for your family’s past.

I don’t know what to feel.

You cried the entire time, you have no more tears left.

Maybe screaming would let out my emotions.

Or even sleeping.

I have to tell someone.

Tell who? You have no one around.

Tommy, Finn, Micheal, Pol, anyone.

They don’t love you anymore.

Don’t say that.

You’re not Finn’s girl now, they left you. Accept it.

But Isiah-

No. Isiah hasn’t come to visit you since you moved on your own.

I need protection, what if he comes back and hurts me again?

Let’s leave, we can go to London.

No, Small Heath is home.

Before the voice could rebuttal there was a startling knock on the front door. She quickly got covered in a casual dress with a slip on over to hide the animalistic marks and bruises. On her way out from her room, she grabbed the pistol Finn had given her on their first official date.

Use it if I’m not there, alright?

She sneakily padded her bare feet to the door, careful not to make any noises the would alert the visitor there was anyone home. She put the pistol up to the door, looking through the peephole, holding her breath.

She sighed, it was only Pol. She tossed the pistol on the vanity in the hallway, pulling her slip tighter around her so Pol wouldn’t be able to make out the bruises. She unlocked the four bolts that held the door down before swinging it open with a small smile.

“My dear (Y/N)!” Polly exclaimed, bringing her in for an embrace.

“Hello, Polly,” she spoke, more quiet than usual, which didn’t go unnoticed by Ms. Polly Gray.

“Please, come in, get yourself out of the cold,” (Y/N) continued.

As Polly made her way to the dining room table, (Y/N) shut the door, gathering her slip once again.

She walked into the kitchen, not daring to make eye contact with Polly.

“Can I get you anything Pol? Water, tea, whiskey?”

Polly quietly shook her head, bringing the ashtray on the dining table closer to her. (Y/N) made her way to sit across from Polly, finally able to meet her eyes.

“Why are you here, Pol?”

“Just because you and Finn are not together anymore does not mean I will not come visit you,” Pol criticized, taking a drag from her cigarette.

“Mhmm,” (Y/N) hummed quietly, pulling her notebook in front of her, trying to make herself busy. What (Y/N) didn’t think about was that reaching over the table caused her slip to droop down her neck, exposing one of the worse marks.

“God, (Y/N)! What happened to you!” Polly shouted, throwing her cigarette on the table, rushing to inspect (Y/N)’s body.

Instinctively (Y/N) pulled the slip closer to her body, “It’s nothing Polly, just leave it.” Before Polly could even reach (Y/N), she had scurried off to her room and locked the door, ignoring the shouting of her name while doing so.

(Y/N) curled herself up in the corner of her room, knees to chest, head resting on the tops of her knees. Minutes later (Y/N) heard someone approach the door. They attempted to twist the handle, but to no avail.

“(Y/N), just tell me what happened. I promise I will not get upset,” Polly stated softly.

“No, I can’t,” (Y/N) sniffled, “It’s all my fault Pol.”

“Hey, hey. Just open the door and we can talk about it.”

As seconds passed, the young girl gathered herself and slowly eased the door open, leading Polly to sit on the edge of her bed.

“We don’t have to talk, I just need you to shake your head yes or no,” Polly eased.

(Y/N) shook her head in agreement.

“Was it the new Peaky boy recruit you met at the Garrison?”

Yes.

“Was it consensual?”

No.

“Did he hurt you?”

Yes.

“(Y/N), were you raped?”

Yes.

The hot tears streamed down the girls face, while Polly leaned over and embraced her, welcoming (Y/N) to cry in her chest.

“Come on, darling. I’m going to make a call,” Polly whispered, kissing the top of her (h/c) hair.

The two walked to the phone that was in the main entrance corridor. Once the phone call as over, it wasn’t 1 hour that all of the boys were over at (Y/N)’s; they were comforting her, not really knowing what to do, so they decided the best thing to give her was space.

(Y/N) leant on Micheal’s shoulder, his arm rubbing up and down her back.

“He’s taken care of (Y/N),” Tommy squatted down in front of her, “He won’t be coming near you ever again, darling.”

(Y/N) nodded, quietly thanking them for taking care of the issue. But all of them know that they couldn’t rid their best girl of the trauma she experienced.

it wasn’t long until Finn and Isiah walked through the door; if you thought the atmosphere was already tense, you were very much mistaken. Polly looked at the grown men and then to Finn, ushering them out of the room so (Y/N) could take to Finn alone.

He sat on the couch next to her; it was obvious that he had been crying too. But his tears were tears of rage and anger. Rage and confusion on why anyone in their right mind would do this to a sweet and stunning girl like her.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, angel,” he whispered, “I should’ve never left you alone. I should know better.”

“Why’d we end it?” She asked, catching him off guard.

“I-uhmm-I was afraid of putting you in danger. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you,” Finn spoke.

“Well, looks like that was thrown out the window,” she joked, yet still with a monotone voice.

“Come back with me.”

She turned to him, “What?!”

“Come back home. You’re safer with me than with anyone else. I’ll make sure no one even looks at you the wrong way. Just please come back home,” Finn pleaded.

(Y/N) hesitantly nodded, leading in to kiss him as he did the same. After they pulled apart, she rested her head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her, safely. For the first time in four months she felt at home.

“I’m never leaving you again, understand. No one hurts my angel.”

[ask-bolin]

IT IS I! The angsty anon! (Who I’ll also reveal myself as the lusty 🌙 anon) MWAHAHAHA. And I bring more angsty ideas 👀 (kinda specific this one, so ya can ignore if ya want) such as:

HOW ABT some pro bendings enemies want vengeance over the fire ferrets and so they capture all of them (bc I like to include the Krew, but it could be only Bolin). But instead of beating Bolin, they get his lover! Who gave themselves so they wouldn’t hurt him. Bolin is furious and telling them why tf. But they stay, and Bolin gotta watch their lover get BEATEN for his sake.

Does he scape and hell is upon them? Or are they saved instead?? How will Bolin cope??? Idk. Author is the god and I’m just messias (I also dont know if I said it right but anyway, sorry if it’s too specific and sorry if this was dumb!!). 🌙

Author's note: Hello angsty/lusty 🌙 anon! Your asks are super fun! I took some time thinking about how I wanted this to go so I hope it keeps up with filling y'alls need for some angry Bolin. (This one is long on purpose to thank you for being so nice and patient with me!)

"Mako, Bolin! Wake up!" Bolin opened his eyes, the light made the pain in his head worse. "Wake up," Korra repeated.

"Where are we?" Mako asked as he looked around to see that he, Bolin, and Korra were tied to chairs with their arms behind their backs.

"Don't you recognize this place?" An unknown voice replied to Mako, "This is where the Fire Ferrets," the voice mocked the team's name, "made Pro Bending history and became the fan favorites!" The Fire Ferrets looked around to discover they were in the middle of the Pro Bending arena.

"If you're a fan," Korra said, "then why did you kidnap us?

"Oh, I'm not a fan of the Fire Ferrets. In fact, no one would be a fan of the Fire Ferrets if they knew what really happened here." As the Krew became fully aware of their surroundings, they noticed their three captors, and the one speaking must have been the leader.

"Wait," Bolin interrupted, "I thought EVERYone knew that I had my pants on backwards for that one match. I thought they didn't care!"

The leader struck Bolin "Don't be stupid! No one is talking about your pants!"

Bolin winced from the pain but turned to look at Mako and Korra, "Then I have no idea what this is about, sorry guys."

"Shut up! This is where the Fire Ferrets beat us," the leader gestured to the other captors. "But what the fans don't know is that your earth bender here was also bending metal at us!"

Mako and Korra quickly defended Bolin, "but he can't metal bend," they said in unison.

"Thanks for the reminder..." Bolin said sarcastically to his team as well as his captors.

"There's no other explanation, I'm the best earth bender in the league!" the leader yelled.

Korra yelled back, "There's a million other explanations! Starting with the fact that you're probably the WORST earth bender in the league!" Korra chuckled to herself as a reward for the comment she felt was pretty witty.

"Enough! I was originally going to BEAT you as bad as you BEAT us when you cheated, but someone else has volunteered to take the punishment. Look familiar?" The other two captors had stepped aside to reveal a familiar face, also bound to a chair.

"Y/n!" the Krew shouted.

"It's okay," y/n said through a mixture of fear and relief, "they said they wouldn't hurt you, Bolin, if I gave myself up. I love you!"

"I love you too y/n! That's why you should never have agreed to this! None of this is your fault!" Bolin scolded, "What were you thinking? I would never want anything like this to happen to you!"

Y/n said, "I would never want anything like this to happen to you either, which is why I have to do this." Y/n turned to the leader, "I'm ready."

The captors didn't allow y/n to finish the last comment before taking turns to deliver their blows. Mako wanted to save his friends and quickly suggested to the leader, "Let your fire bender challenge me! It'll be a fair fight!"

"I've got this," Bolin told Mako in a surprisingly calm manner. Bolin had not taken his eyes off of y/n and their torture.

Korra yelled, "How about all three of you challenge me! And I promise I WON'T keep it fair!"

Again, Bolin's response was calm, but the Krew could hear purpose through his clenched teeth, "I've got this!"

What the captors failed to notice was Bolin's incredible focus. If the leader was a better earth bender, they wouldn't have allowed the knots around Bolin's arms to be as loose as they were. This was all Bolin needed to bend a small fragment of an earth bender disc leftover from a previous match. Bolin concentrated to move nothing but his hands to spin the fragment as a saw against his restraints. Bolin tried his best to keep eye contact with y/n as that was the only protection he could give until his freedom. Bolin's fragment spun faster with every blow that landed on y/n.

With the ropes cut all the way through, Bolin stood up, raising every earth bender disc the captors foolishly left in the arena with him. As the discs lifted out of the ground, the captors stopped their beating and watched the discs they had planned to use as part of their torture move to orbit Bolin.

"You should have taken the fair fight while you had the chance," Bolin's voice boomed. "Get your hands off of y/n," he commanded. Bolin pointed at the offender closest to y/n and a seemingly endless train of earth bender discs flew with precision straight into their gut.

"This is how you earth bend," Bolin told the leader as a teacher instructs a student. Bolin swung his arms to send one disc at a time at the remaining follower. Bolin made sure to show the leader that Bolin was treating his target as nothing more than a practice dummy. Each disc hit with such force that the impact turned the discs into dust until the captor was flat on the ground.

"Whoever you are, you should have just kept your problem with me between us. Bolin sent a few discs to knock the leader away from his love. "But you had to involve y/n. This," Bolin looked at the discs flying around him as calmly as if they had been falling leaves, "this is the consequence of your actions." Only then did the leader notice Bolin show his true anger. Bolin screamed, but it was soon drowned out by the thunder of every disc that remained crashing down on the leader.

The waterfall of chaos had only stopped thanks to Mako, who had finally escaped with Korra, tackling his brother before he could kill someone. "Bolin! That's enough!" Mako begged.

"Y/n!" Bolin called out, "Let go of me Mako, I have to check on y/n!" Mako released Bolin when he was sure his brother's blood lust had subsided. Bolin ran over to y/n as Korra untied them. Bolin helped y/n to stand. Y/n was relieved to see Bolin safe, but worried their lover had the capacity for such destruction. Y/n was confused when they saw no trace of the anger that was just experienced, but was convinced that Bolin had more love in his heart than hate. Bolin's soft kisses and his checking of y/n's wounds were all the evidence y/n needed. Y/n couldn't wait to recover in the safety of their home with Bolin's love as their cure.

[marshmallowprotection]

so...I'm someone who kins Saeran very heavily- each different Saeran included, though I tend to lean most into SE Saeran. and for me, Rika is a pretty severe trigger to the point I have to mute her voice in the game & max speed through most her dialogue because I'll end up shaking and getting so angry because she's so similar to who was my main abuser. like. I hate her so much I go into a blind rage just seeing her name and especially when she justifies abusing, drugging, gaslighting, etc. Ray & Saeran in his route.

anyways, because of how angry she makes me, as an mc, I know I'd be outwardly very hostile and aggressive towards her. so I was wondering...if Rika came around in the SE timeline at some point to "apologize" to Saeran (in quotations bc I know she very much plays the victim which is disgusting and don't believe she could be genuine here), how would SE Saeran react to an mc s/o who's normally very timid and quiet being, for her, surprisingly hateful towards Rika?

Ik GE Saeran wouldn't want this bc he has a different way of processing his trauma and how he wants to heal from it. He wants to forgive Rika so he can move forward with mc...but I'm not so sure where I land with how SE Saeran would feel seeing something like that...even as a kinnie lol

SE Saeran isn’t like GE Saeran. He isn’t kind and he isn’t forgiving, per se. He just cannot imagine ever letting go of his frustration and anger because it’s the only thing that he has. He won’t lash out anymore... at least, at Saeyoung or the RFA, nor you. His anger is muted but it exists within him and he knows that it’s okay for him to hold onto it because it’s a reminder that he was hurt and that he needed to know that none of this was a dream or sick joke. 

It’s why he hasn’t got his tattoo covered. It’s a reminder to not fall back into the way that he used to be and the way that he doesn’t want to be anymore. He’s not forgiving people and letting go of his anger, he’s not had the same chance in his life that the Saeran in AS has. He wasn’t given a chance to get help before he hit rock bottom and lost himself, and he’s just lucky that he’s able to be here now after Saeyoung yanked him away. Sometimes he feels like he’s trapped in the bunker, and in some ways, it does feel like that. 

There’s no agency but their dad is still out there and Saeyoung is rightfully worried. Sometimes he can be smothering about it, but deep down, Saeran gets why he’s like that, but it doesn’t mean he is kind to him all the time. He’s not going out of his way to scream at him and be angry, he’s realized that there is no point in that. It’s not Saeyoung’s fault, no matter what his mind tells him, but it’s not going to be rewritten in a day. He just let everything happened when he was robbed of his choice over and over again. 

Everyone always forced him to do what they wanted. Even now, even though Saeyoung has good intentions, he dragged Saeran from the hospital and took him away to protect him, but Saeran would have liked a chance to decide for himself what he wanted. He gets why Saeyoung did it, but that doesn’t mean he’s let go of what it feels like to be forced into something. Saeyoung decided, V decided, and Rika decided. When does he get to decide? 

Never? 

This plays into his attitude and how he feels about things, and there are points when he can be generally standoffish and overwhelmed with everything as his tired eyes rest on the ground. It’s not worth the energy anymore to lash out at other people, and he’s trying, but it’s so fucking hard. 

You were the first person he had ever met that told him it was okay to be angry and that it was okay to be hurt. You were the first person to let him decide what he wanted, you let him pick how you spoke and interacted. You were the first person to let him decide what to do. 

From the smallest things to the biggest things, it was always, “Saeran, what do you want to do? Is it okay to ask?” You’re always kind to him. Always so caring for someone that seems to be untainted by the hatred of the world. He likes that about you. He feels a sense of peace when he’s with you. He knows that he can be close to you and feel alright. When he’s with you, it’s like the stormy sea has calmed its flooding waters of his mind. 

That being said, he avoids almost everyone in the RFA. Jumin Han reminds him of Jihyun Kim. Yoosung Kim reminds him of Rika Kim. The other two are okay to him but he... feels dread and sick when he’s close to the aforementioned two on this list. It’s not their fault, but their proximity to his triggers is a lot for him to go and deal with. It’s better not be near them in the long run.

He’s admitted to you some of the things that have happened to him over time, but not everything... just enough that you could know how suffocated he feels in this place. You listen to every word and you respect him. You know what’s going on in his head and you always listen and validate his pain. That’s why he likes being close to you. He just never thought that...

Well, let’s just say that he never thought that he would have to deal with Rika again except for his nightmares. There’s not a lot of chances for her to find him and really, if Saeyoung knew, he would never let her get close to his brother, so it would have to happen when he was away from the bunker and away from his twin for this to occur. He feels like he can’t breathe when she finds him, and it feels like he’s slipping into hell. 

That’s when you stand up and you quite literally in no uncertain terms tell her to fuck off. He’s ripped from the dread in his gut to stare at you with wide eyes, it’s not every day you see someone so kind become so serious. He can’t find the use of his voice because of what this has triggered, but he can see so-very-clearly how you stand up for him when he doesn’t have the power to do that for himself. Normally, it would upset him to lose that control, but it’s you, and he knows that you don’t pity him. 

You respect him. 

Because you respect him, you tear into her verbally and let her know that she’s not welcome around Saeran ever again. He doesn’t want to see her and he’s made that clear with you, and you make sure that she knows that. He has no idea how you’ve managed to keep yourself afloat with your anger, every word, every trace, every second, he can hear you tell her what she did was wrong, and how she should be facing punishment for it instead of walking the streets like this. It’s so... brutally honest. 

You’re gripping your fist, and for some reason, he’s never respected anyone more in his life. 

You’re... using your anger... as a shield. 

You’re standing there to protect him using that anger. He never knew that anger could be used like this. Anger was always... a weapon, which Rika made him so he could use it to destroy things and he is still so wrapped within his anger now that it’s hard to untangle himself from it. He felt like his anger was a horrible thing because everyone always wrenched away from him when he lashed out or was honest about his pain. 

You’ve shown him that anger isn’t something to be ashamed of. You turn away from that woman, and look at him, asking for his consent to take his hand to get away from that area. Your anger is a virtue. You use it for good. He never knew that it could be used like this. 

He never thought he’d see Rika again, and he’d never knew how he would react, but his body is uncomfortable and screaming but you’ve managed to ground him in a storm. 

He takes your hand. 

And, leaves. 

A choice he was never able to make for himself in the past. He is free, he is free and he can make his own choices now, no matter what anyone makes him feel like. You’ve proven that to him. It felt like he was trapped in a haze until that time but... seeing anger used as protection instead of a weapon makes him feel like he has a lot to learn about the world. Even if he breaks down and cries later when he’s alone with you, he knows that you will always respect him and never once judge him. 

Because your heart is a sweet place, even with the hum of anger, and he wants to feel safe within it. 

[jilytho]

Fake Laughs and French Fish

"You laughed in a restaurant but you have a really ugly laugh so I thought you were choking" au. The opposite of a meet cute bc James is an idiot. idk what this is but Happy Jilytober!

Read below or on AO3 or FFNT

It was James’s least favorite kind of restaurant. The kind of place where sure, the food is good, but the portion is barely big enough for a snack and the music was too soft and the tablecloths were too stiff and there were too many types of forks that he didn’t know which was meant for salad and which was for stabbing into his thigh. 

All places should have prices on the menu, smarmy little French places were not an exception. But Peter’s birthday had been last week and James had missed the party to deal with a work emergency so he owed him dinner at Peter’s choice of restaurant. And of course, Peter had to pick the most pretentious place in the city. 

Sirius and Remus were there as well, of course, they could hardly go anywhere without them. It was exactly the kind of place Sirius grew up in, and although he had gotten very comfortable with fast food since he was exiled by his family, he still seemed to fit in perfectly at this kind of place. 

As much as James loathed the whole joint, he grudgingly admitted it was worth the hefty bill to watch Peter’s whole face alight with joy as they sat down. His head was on a swivel, swooshing from side to side, tittering with excitement. 

Just as the young waiter brought their appetizers over, a mushroom risotto and salmon tartare, Remus was in the middle of thanking him and requesting more water when a large man at the table behind them snapping his fingers, head turned to look at the waiter. “Well, that’s just rude,” Remus murmured under his breath. James and the waiter both watched to see a large beefy man glaring over at them, beckoning the waiter with two fingers in a way that made James’s skin crawl. He was sitting with two women, James could see the whole table quite easily when looking past Remus’s right earlobe. The woman on Whale Man’s right looked like she was being choked out by her string of pearls, lips pursed, a nose slightly too sharp for her face, and what appeared to be a stick up her ass considering the daggers she was shooting between the other woman at the table and the waiter. His eyes found the second woman, the one being subjected to Miss. Bony Lady’s eye daggers and was shocked he hadn’t noticed her the second she sat down. That hair was not something that should ever go unnoticed by anyone. 

He couldn’t even see her face, as she was hiding it between her hands, and glaring down at the table, but he found himself craning his neck, trying to get a glimpse. There were waves of hostility trolling off of her and every element of her body language seemed to be screaming “DO NOT ENGAGE” . Her hair was forming a wall of fire, curtaining around her face, protecting her from the angry glares of her dinner mates. As the waiter walked over to their table, after nodding politely at Remus, he watched her emerge from her hands to grimace up at him apologetically.

He couldn’t hear what the whale man was saying, and subconsciously heard Peter start to tell some story about work and dish out portions of their appetizer, but he couldn’t pull his eyes back yet. The girl was flushed and glaring at the bony woman, saying something hushed but clearly angry. Her nose was scrunched up, nostrils flared and as angry as she looked he started to wonder if she’d giggle if he booped her nose, all scrunched up like that. Started cringing at himself for thinking about something as ridiculous as that. 

From his distance, he couldn’t make out the color of her eyes, just that they were bright and sparkling and even from ten feet away he could feel the passion and emotion coming off her. 

When the waiter had finally left, dismissed with an angry wave of Whale Man’s hand, he watched the red head roll her eyes, and twist her neck like cracking it would release the anger built up in her. He wondered how creepy she would find him if he offered to massage the shoulder for her, maybe there was some chiropractor-esque or glowstick pickup line he could use to impress her. Cheesy lines had never done him good in the past but she looked like she could use a laugh, maybe she’d think it was funn-

“Right, James?” James tore his eyes away from the girl to find all his friends staring at him, looking for his agreement on something James had not heard a single syllable of. 

“Erm, yeah, right. Of course,” he nodded strongly, reaching for his water to gulp down and give himself a chance to calm the flush slowly rising up his neck. 

Peter looked pointedly towards Remus, “See I told you, Lupin.”

As James busied himself with pushing risotto onto his spoon- the smallest spoon closest to him, was that meant for desert?- he carefully ignored Remus’s eyes on him, silently watching James and nodding to Peter. 

“Mhm, Pete. Looks like I was mistaken.” 

The rest of the course went by smoothly, James kept his eyes off of the Magical Mystery Woman as best he could, forcefully making himself enthusiastically engaged in Sirius’s discussion of the lineup of next week's game. He was in the middle of making an argument for why Johnson should start as center, not Malinsky when he got stopped mid sentence by Whale Man clearing his throat loud enough for half the bloody restaurant to hear and his entire argument went to shit. 

Honestly, who did this bloke think he is, the bloody Prime Minister? Mystery Woman was too perfect to be putting up with this. Why would she go out in public with this oaf? Was he her brother? She seemed perfect but having him as a brother-in-law would really put a damper on the future marital bliss. She was gripping her knife so tightly it had to hurt, maybe he should offer up his own hand to squeeze instead, that’d be less painful he was sure. No. No, that was weird. He shook himself again and wrenched his eyes back to Sirius and resumed his argument.

They were just getting ready to clear their plates and ask for the desert woman when it happened. Mystery Woman’s table was still on their main course, she had ordered the fish, exactly the same meal James had eaten. Was that a sign of compatibility or what? If anyone had asked him later he would have sworn he was paying full and complete attention to Remus’s story of Dale from accounting messing up again but he was somehow also subconsciously completely and totally aware of every single one of Mystery Woman’s movements because he just knew she had just placed a delicate bite of fish on her fork and was chewing lightly when she let out this hacking, squawking, horrific noise. 

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god she is choking. My dream girl is choking and is going to choke on fish and DIE before I even learn her name. If she dies before I know her name I won’t even know what funeral to go to and how to mourn her properly and how would I even introduce myself at that funeral, ‘Hi, I stalked this girl from ten feet away and fell in love and will now live the rest of my life single and alone.”

If anyone were to have asked, he was positive he was still sitting at the table, nodding along with Remus. Somehow, without his conscious noticing, he had thrown back his chair and jumped to his feet, sending his chair falling backwards, narrowly missing a passing waitress. He practically leaped across the empty space, flown to behind her chair, gripped her shoulder tightly, and began to slam his hand against her back. 

“Ma’am, miss, oh my god are you alright? Can you breathe? Can you hear me, miss, oh my god WE NEED AN AMBULANCE, breathe ma’am breathe!” James yelled at her, pounding against her back, mentally preparing to perform the heimlich maneuver, he had never learned it properly but he saw it on a crime show once and it worked there maybe it would work now? He was really regretting not taking that First Aid class with Remus when she suddenly yanked herself out of his grip, leaping to her own feet and spinning around to face him, red hair flying into his mouth as she turned. 

Green. Her eyes were green. Green and bright and shining and gorgeous, oh my god she really can’t die now. 

“Oh my god, are you alright??” He reached out again to grip her shoulders tightly, had him slamming on her back dislodged the fish? Would she live? Was he a hero? 

“I will be when you explain why you just hit me repeatedly.” She crossed her arms over her chest, seemingly cross. 

His eyes widened and he looked around for someone else to agree and call him a life saving hero. Whale Man and Bony Lady looked bewildered, like he had just suddenly sprouted into a fish, instead of saving their dinner mates life.  All across the surrounding tables, he was met with concerned stares and the mortifying sinking feeling that he had completely misread the situation. 

“I- um. I saved you! You were choking! I saved you….. Right?” He dropped his hands from her shoulders, one immediately going to fix itself in his hair, face burning bright red. 

“I wasn’t choking, why did you think I was choking? Are you a doctor?”

He could hear Sirius laughing now. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. “No, just erm- a concerned citizen? Trying to ah, do my civic duty, preventing fish related deaths, I- erm- I’m sorry I really thought you were choking you made like a hacking sound I thought you were dying, I really just wanted to help” he tugged on his hair, averting his eyes to the floor. Not only did he ruin his chance of getting Mystery Woman to fall in love with him but now he has basically assaulted her, dear God he is never going to live this down. 

“That was a laugh.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers, “A what?”

“A laugh. I was laughing.”

“That was not a laugh. That was a deadly sound. Nobody in the world has a laugh that horrible.”

“Hitting me AND insulting me now, wow this is really my lucky day.” 

James’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t even wrap his brain around the fact that he had just insulted her laugh just that this seemingly magnificent girl laughed like THAT. He couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him. 

“Thats your real laugh? Oh my god I’m so sorry.” 

“Sorry for insulting me or sorry that that's what my laugh sounds like?”

“Erm… both?” 

She giggled then as well, light and small, and very, very different from the choking sound he heard earlier. 

“See!” He pointed at her accusingly, “now that’s a laugh! That sound before was a dying bird and I won’t have you tell me otherwise.”

“Well,” her eyebrows lowered and she leaned in a little conspiratorially, whispering her next words, “the joke wasn’t actually very funny. I suppose my fake laugh may need a little more work before I attempt to use it so publicly again.” 

The two shared a grin and wow was he screwed. 

“You know,” he leaned in again, “I’ve been told all my laughs are top notch, fake and real, and if you were every interested in some tutoring, I suppose I could-”

“Ahem,” Whale Man cleared his throat again, “If you’re done disrupting our evening, I would very much like to return to my meal.” An apology on the tip of James’s tongue when he was cut off by Whale Man continuing to blabber, “Honestly, the heathens they allow to enter this establishment. Absolutely zero respect. Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners? Of course you attract this sort” The last words were directed to Mystery Woman and all the desire to apologize to Whale Man disappeared immediately. It wasn’t her fault he was an idiot who started hitting her. 

He was prepared to say just that, and apologize to Mystery Woman, when she cut him off herself.

“Now you listen here, Vernon-” Mystery Woman began, red anger creeping up her neck.

“Lily, honestly,” Bony Lady cut in, “Just sit down and let's finish our meal and go, you’ve made enough of a scene.” Bony Lady’s tone was low, but sharp and cutting and seemed to send a shiver down Mystery Woman’s - or was it Lily?- spine. 

He had a feeling she would have kept going, but also had a burning desire to run from Bone Lady’s eyes. It felt like they were piercing straight through him. 

“I’m sorry,” he started loudly, one hand back in his hair, eyes quickly finding those incredible green ones, “I’m truly sorry for interrupting your meal and um hitting you and insulting you. Truthfully, you’re just spectacularly gorgeous and I thought you were choking and kind of lost my head a bit, I suppose,” his eyes averted quickly at that admission, missing the way hers started to fill with mirth and eyebrows began to creep up. “I’ll leave you to your meal.” 

He turned on his heel and returned back to his table, picking his chair off the ground and sitting, adamantly avoiding eye contact with his friends. He felt her eyes burning into his neck and stared determinedly down at his fork. 

“So you’ve gone crazy,” Sirius states, matter of factly with a shit eating grin, “that’s fun.”

“I thought she was choking,” he murmured under his breath. 

“What was that, James? Couldn’t quite hear you. Speak up now or one of us will have to beat it out of you.” Peter could barely finish his sentence before him and Sirius began to guffaw obnoxiously.  Even Remus was chuckling. 

James groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “Can we please just go, I will pay double if they bring the check right now.”

“Oh Jamie dear, why the rush?” Sirius tutted, “We ordered desert while you were busy saving lives! We wouldn’t dream of leaving before Pete gets his birthday desert!” 

Muttering “tossers” under his breath, James set his jaw and raised his eyes to meet his friends, and not to look past Remus’s ear to Mystery Woman again. 

By the time desert had arrived, James had been properly roasted by his mates about twelve times over and they had slowly moved onto other topics, all being other times James made a fool of himself in public. Sirius had just left for the restroom leaving Peter with the task of making James’s life hell.

Peter was just getting into the climax of his own personal favorite James humiliation tale, the Koi Pond Incident of ‘09, when James’s bite of tiramisu was interrupted by a light slapping against his back. 

He spluttered and coughed grossly, ready to whip around and smack Sirius, assuming it was him, when he felt hot breath on his ear and a flash of red in his peripheral and completely froze.

“You alright there? Wouldn’t want you to choke. Just being a concerned citizen and all.” She murmured into his ear, teeth centimeters away from nipping it.

He turned to face her, gaping at her sudden closeness to find her smirking face mere inches away from his own. 

“Thanks for that,” he croaked. 

“Of course, always on the lookout. Doing my civic duty,” she winked. She winked. What the hell did that mean, oh my god, this woman would be the death of him. 

“Here,” she pressed a slip of paper into his hand. “Just in case you want to stop me from choking at dinner another night too.” And then she winked again, spun on her heel, red hair whipping him in the face and left with another tinkling laugh. James stared dumbly down at the numbers on the paper, memorizing them immediately.

“Holy fuck, James. What was that?” Pete stared at James’s dumbfounded face. Sirius chuckled lightly from behind him, apparently having returned in time to watch the entire exchange. 

“That, my friend,” Sirius clapped a hand down harshly onto James’s shoulder, “may have just been the future Mrs. Potter.”

[zuzu-hotman]

Ready To Love Pt.2 [[Zuko]]

Pairing: Zuko x Female!Reader

Warnings: More angst??? Dark-ish imagery?

A/N: Uh so I got asks for more??? I want you all to know most of my works are angst- but I live for good ends so dw (; I’ll link the first part after posting bc tungle is dumb. Anyways, probably gonna do a third cause there’s a bit more I want to do with this and I don’t want too much at once <3

Pt.1

“ Hᴇʏ, ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ?”

Seeing him again was like adding salt to deep wounds- rubbing the coarse grains deep into gashes, open and bleeding. You kind of hated that it hurt so bad- you were supposed to be over it. You were supposed to be completely done with him. With all remnants of him. His choice was clear- the truth was laid out bare for your eyes to see.

He was not who you thought he was. He was not the Zuko you knew in your mind- and maybe he never was.

No one who had once worn a kind smile could look like he did that day, right? There was no way someone like that could just... lose all sense of themselves? That look he held- the crazed fire in his eyes.. how those flames should have touched you- burned you. Perhaps Zuko was not as skilled as Azula. He didn’t bend the way she did, but that didn’t make him any less powerful. He had good aim- he knew you’d find it hard to even try to make an attack on him. He could’ve used that against you- it’s what Azula would have done.

You assumed that if he could so easily turn into Azula’s direction.. he’d be able to be as cruel as her. That he’d use your weakness to him against you. You felt the heat of his flames, you knew they could have scorched you. You weren’t that accustomed to fighting yet. For a long time you had suppressed your bending- scared of what it might bring you and what it meant for your future.

You came to regret that eventually. You could have told your parents- your Father could have shown you so much..

Fate was absolutely cruel- you firmly believed this now. She had no right to harm you like this- to drag you through the mud, already beaten down and tired.

She allowed him the chance to be in this group. You wanted to object, violently so. It wasn’t your place to though. Your personal ties to him had no place stopping him from teaching Aang about fire bending. The Avatar needed to know all four elements to bring balance. It was important to Aang’s journey and to putting an end to this long war.

That didn’t make you despise it any less. Hatred or anger- which was it you felt?

“Please talk to me..”

His quiet plea fell upon your ears in the dead of night, long after everyone else had retired to their own spaces. You had suspected he’d find his way to you soon- someway or somehow. With no one else around to bear witness. You hated how you froze in place- how all that anger just fizzled into nothing at the sound of him. So sad- so lonely. You were his only link to his former self, to who he should have become. A tiny string stuck on it’s last thin thread. You didn’t know that however. t’s not as if that was his only reason for reaching for you like this, and that you didn’t know of as well. You were in the dark on his feelings.

As you assumed you always had been.

“___, please..”, he whispers once more when he gets no response.

You make sure to keep your breathing even, to not move at all. Give him an inch and he’d probably take miles. Miles upon miles- stretch you until you break into tiny pieces. Yet some small pieces would still yearn- crave for what your brain told you not to. 

You hear his breath hitch a bit, as if he’s fighting back overpowering emotions- him? The glorious crown prince who had slain the Avatar? The prince who turned a blind eye to you, to his good Uncle? The audacity- and yet you felt no actual anger. Not when he spoke.

“I- I’m so-- ___ I’m so sorry. I know that’s not enough. I know it will never be enough- I was wrong. I did everything so wrong and Uncle- I’m sure he hates me. I’m sure you do too. I never meant- I thought it was my destiny to.. to.. capture him. For my honor and my nation. I thought I was right and..”, he takes in a shaky breath. You’re glad you can’t see him. His face just might break you. “I hurt you. I hurt Uncle. I-I made you not trust me- I disappeared and I never responded to any of your letters- I still have them I- I don’t know.. I don’t have a reason or any excuse I just.. please. Please at least talk to me- say something! Anything! I’ve missed you- I was miserable- it’s not home.. not without you. I made mistakes even there I.. even she told me that I was wrong.. even..” and he trails off, gaining no response.

Little did he know he was close to getting one. She? He didn’t mean Azula.. he would have said her name. You hated how your chest burned- what mistakes could he make there? At home? No- not home. Not your home.

“...You’re sleeping.. I hope. I almost got loud. I’m..”, he sucks in a breath, “Okay. Another time.”

You choose to ignore the way he sniffs- knowing all too well it meant he’d shed tears. If you acknowledge it, you know what may happen. You know how it’d go- how weak you’d be. This isn’t how it should be, you should be able to ignore him without batting an eye. He should be able to just let you go. He’d already done so. What was the use in this? Hadn’t he decided already, who he was or at the least who you were to him?

Clearly nothing-

You let out a heavy breath, almost shudderingly so when you hear his footsteps fade away. You clench your eyes shut, banishing any trace of wetness from your eyes. No no no- you would not cry. Not again, and not anymore. Remember how he looked- remember those crazed eyes and harsh blasts of fire. Remember and hold it- no apology could fix it. Not so simply. It would take much more than words because.. you weren’t sure your aching heart could take much more of it..

Morning came quickly, with no remorse to any who had not slept in her absence. Specifically to you or Zuko. Luckily enough, you hid it well enough. Zuko? Not so much. Clearly he looked like he’d had a fitful sleep.

Hmph-

“Wow. I didn’t know it was possible for you to look even angrier than usual.”, Sokka pipes up, already at his usual antics of antagonizing the newest group member.

“Shut. Up.”, Zuko hisses in response, causing Aang and Toph to laugh a bit at his expense.

“You really should sleep. Set a good example for your new student.”

“I said shut up.”

“He is kinda right, you know.”, Toph adds in, “It’s not good to be up so late.”

Zuko freezes for a moment, but says nothing else. You’d almost forgotten- Toph was very attuned to the earth. Of course she’d know if anyone was up and moving. The only thing to question was if she’d heard him. At the time though, there would be no answer to it. He wouldn’t ask and she didn’t seem keen on pressing the issue. No one else was aware either. So it just faded into silence, not spoken of. It was replaced by Zuko barking at Aang that it was time to start his training.

“I lost my stuff.”, he says it so plainly. Uninvited and without any context.

“Wasn’t me.”

Zuko makes a face, “No I mean my bending- I don’t know I..”

You decide to tune him out, spacing away from his frustration and Katara’s laughter. Was he really that out of it? He suddenly couldn’t bend? What a load of garbage. If he expected you to feel bad, you didn’t. Not even the slightest. Serves him right for the look he gave you when he learned of your bending. When he saw the element of fire was not in you to control, but-

“___” , He speaks your name softly.

You look up to where he stands, a few feet away. You hadn’t noticed everyone else had already gone to bed. It was just you and him and the dwindling fire between you.

“I-”

“Goodnight.”, you say, starting to stand up, brushing your legs off.

“Wait-”, he gently grabs the sleeve of your shirt but you push his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” You don’t look at him- you can’t. You must remain strong- don’t do what you did in Ba Sing Se. Don’t fall into that hole a second time..

“At least hear me out- get mad all you want. Scream at me- hit me I don’t care just-”

“I’m not going to do that. You made your bed. Lie in it.”

“I did, you’re right. I did and I’m so-”

“Don’t apologize. Teach Aang bending. I’m not a part of this- none of them know I knew you, which clearly I didn’t. I never did. I know you as this guy I bumped into in Ba Sing Se. This guy that I thought I was nice and had a good heart but I guess I misjudged. Maybe he just feels guilty or that apologizing to me might right his wrongs or whatever. If this is your way of getting them to trust you more, I’ll allow it. Anything to help Aang.”, you speak as calmly as you can. Not sparing a glance, “You already made your choices- you already let me go so just-”

“I don’t want to let you go though- I never wanted to. I just- I thought I was right. I thought that.. you’d come home. I thought that that was still home. I was wrong. I was so wrong-”

“Yet you still stayed, huh?”, you say, bitterly now, “You had a little life out there- you had your glory. Had the nation at your feet. The crown prince who slayed the-”

“I’m not that person! I never was!”

“You seemed to think you were! You acted the part! You were there for well over a month!”, you looked at him now, eyes burning, “You weren’t sorry enough to come back earlier! You didn’t think enough- you didn’t care enough! You were gone for three years! You never replied- I lost my Father! I lost what I thought was home and you weren’t there! I find you in Ba Sing Se- acting like no time had passed! Like we never grew apart! You talk to me like you still knew me, like you still cared! Yet you still chose to do what you did!”

He’d shrunk back a bit, shocked at the bass in your voice- how heavily it weighed on him. He didn’t know you felt all that. He had no idea..

“Your Father-?”

“Don’t.”, you hiss, quieting down, now aware you might have stirred the others from their sleep, “Don’t even. Don’t come to me with any apologies unless you really mean it- unless you’re ready to tell all you have to tell. I’m done with secrets and lies. Good night.”

You walk off now, leaving him to stand by the dying fire. His hand feels cold- his chest aches- your Father? That man he’d seen love you so happily- the home that was worn down but well loved? Gone? How had you suffered so without him even knowing- what had happened to you in his absence?

Why hadn’t he even thought of it?

How did he manage to screw up a screw up?

Zuko groaned to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, “...what would Uncle have me do- what’s right..”

How to salvage this mess?

“Mʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ɪs ᴀ sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋs ғʟᴏᴏʀ..”

Pt.3

[mimik-u]

“Change Your Mind” Re-watch:

I’ve been dealing with this feeling on and off ever since I started “Diamond Days” earlier this week, but dang, I’m a little sad that I’ve reached the end of the show again. Of course, I’m excited to visit the movie again and see Future for the first time (!!!), but this episode above all really marks the end of an era. But things end and things change.

That’s the thesis of this episode anyway. And really, the nature of this beautiful show. :’)

Steven’s dream sequence is so haunting, both in terms of it explicitly showing us how Blue Diamond is currently recapitulating the very same cycles which pushed Pink away by showing us such a similar flashback from the past, but also by dredging up the horror of Pink’s memories. The idea that Steven’s gem still has access to some of his mother’s memories is used to its most visceral effect here, in which we get a nightmare heightened lens of how miserable she was, and often times, scared.

When the Diamonds stretched out their grieving hands through the cosmos and towards the world their youngest member loved, how did Rose feel to at once get a confirmation that she had been loved? Loved so powerfully that the Diamonds would try to destroy an entire planet to exact their revenge, and yet, at the same time, loved so terribly that they would never think twice about doing so, or that it took this for them to ever show it?

“This... isn’t normal. How many times did you lock her in here? How many times did you make her cry?” / “I didn’t... I... And I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” God, this exchange always undoes me. Not only is it Steven calling Blue out, but in a way, it’s him standing up for his mother, realizing what misery the Diamonds put her through and putting a name on it for Blue to recognize, contend with, and finally, accept. Blue tries to defend herself at first, but then, in the end, can’t. Because there’s no defense. There’s no excuse. And to horribly mangle a quote from Legend of Korra, by reaching that lowest point, Blue Diamond finally becomes open to the possibility of change.

It’s always so evocative to me that she collapses next to the tower window that’s at her eye level. Never explicitly stated, I think it really is implied here that Yellow and Blue have seen their fair share of this tower before, too, their trespasses of decorum excised out of them by White. In return, they tried to do the same to Pink. Cycles and cycles and cycles.

Gsleidjsneioeis, it never fails to make me laugh that Yellow is just sitting in the darkness, straddling her throne, waiting for Blue. Emo ass. I love her.

The Diamonds both look so shocked when Blue slaps Yellow’s hand away, as though neither of them can fathom, process, and believe what just happened. And yet, really, this is the climax to the schism between them that we’ve known since “That Will Be All.” They love each other—they loved Pink—but they have differed, fundamentally, on how to grapple with the pain of loving someone and losing her and existing from then on.

“When we thought Pink was shattered, when she abandoned us, I alone was there for you, and you would use your power against ME?” GO OFF, PATTI LUPONE EIEOSJSA. But this line gets me, too. Jesus. Yellow loves Blue so much.

“Didn’t we hurt Pink? She was suffering in silence for ages, just like our gems, just like me. And I know you’re suffering in silence, too.” HHHHHHH, AND THIS LINE. I think it’s significant because it’s Blue making a move we’ve rarely seen from her before—empathy. Her whole complex is that she’s been so lost in her own emotions that she forces them on everyone else, but here she does something monumental; not only does she acknowledge her own pain, but she uses it to recognize that others have been hurting, too. She and Yellow hurt Pink. (She makes herself and Yellow the agents of the action, therefore not evading the blame.) And so many of their gems have been hurt, too. Yellow has been hurting.

In her vulnerable expression that follows, it’s clear to the audience that Yellow knows her fellow Diamond’s words to be true, but she’s not ready to accept their veracity, to look inwards at the heart of her own misery. Also, help. I’m only 9 minutes into the episode.

“Does this look perfect to you?” And Yellow’s anger is stopped in its tracks. She looks immediately to Blue, literally smoking on the ground from the force of her attack. A fragment of palace crumbles emptily away. And this is the crux of the Homeworld Empire. It demands every gem, from the Diamonds downward, to sacrifice in the name of of perfection. But they’ve placed too much of an emphasis on appearance, numbers, quantity, and power, never interrogating the consequences that pursuing these ‘impressive’ entities bring: misery, hopelessness, despair.

“Stop... stop it, Blue. Stop using your power on me.” / “I’m not.” Hhhhhhhhh, I’m tender. And then, when Blue Diamond sweeps over to hold Yellow’s head?????? This is what being a Bellow Diamond fan is all about, okay rieososossnjaaj.

“You’ve made a grave mistake. Go to your rooms!” / “Uh, which rooms should we go to?” GJKHDFVHJNJJ. But yeah, White has definitely used the tower on Blue and Yellow b4.

Bismuuuuth, Lapis, Peri!!! God, I love Lapis’s outfit so much.

��Yellow and I will keep White distracted.” / Just go! Go! Hurry! She’s getting up!” Blue and Yellow know that in making this choice, they’ll face severe consequences, but still initially make the choice anyway.

And yet, Steven doesn’t let them make that choice. He doesn’t run away. Because he and this show fundamentally believe that change is effected through communication.

I still have thirty minutes of this episode left to go oskeodjsnsnsk, but now I need to symbolically talk about the Diamond mecha. It’s very on point that White’s ship can’t function if the other parts aren’t cooperating!!

The Diamonds finally expressing their vulnerabilities to the blankly staring ship is just so sad. They’re finally doing the emotional work that they’ve been neglecting for thousands upon thousands of years, and they’re almost literally meeting a wall.

“We Diamonds might be hard, but we’re also brittle.” / “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” Hhhhhhhhhh, these lines. The rigidity of the Diamond Authority has forced Yellow and Blue to become hard, to be unhappy. They, like all their gems, are suffering beneath the strain. Starting from the way it literally drains a planet of resources, this empire was never sustainable.

Cries bc the Diamonds are holding hands, AND THEN CRIES BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN VIOLENTLY AND PAINFULLY PUPPETEERED.

THE FUSING MONTAGE!!! EKSSKSJ, I love how when he goes to fuse with Pearl, he does a few ballerina moves. AND I LOVE HOW 2.0 IS UNREPENTANTLY BRITISH. IT’S SO FJNNY AND RIGHT.

“AH! Steven, we fused!” She’s so happy!!!!!!!!!! Hhhh!!!!!

“I’m here. I love you.” Steven says this before fusing with Garnet, and there’s nothing else that could have ever been so fitting for a fusion who prides herself on being here and being made, so beautifully and entirely, of love.

Sunstone always looks and sounds like they’re two seconds away from breaking the 4th wall on a Sunny D commercial from the 1990s, and that’s amazing.

OBSIDIAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN. Everything about them is FUCKING EPIC. (Also, if you haven’t listened to the S5 soundtrack yet, you need to go listen to Obsidian’s track without background noises!!!!!!! It’s so motivating! I listen to it when I’m studying sometimes!)

I’m still soft about Bismuth giving Connie her own sword. Let them b sword buddies 2k20.

BIG FYCKING LAVA SWORD!!!!

The animation on this episode is absolutely insane. God, the Crewniverse did so good.

“Poor Yellow. Her impurities absorb all the blue in her light. She’s so strong, but so weak when it comes to Blue.” 😭😭😭 What do you mean I’m still emotional over the fact that Yellow Diamond’s one perceived weakness is Blue? Hahahaha.

“Ah, and Blue. Her impurities soak up all the warmth in her spectrum. She thinks she needs you, Pink.” 😭😭😭 She needs Pink to be warm.

“But you’re a part of me, the part I always have to repress.” White doesn’t yet realize it, but this is actually her revealing her own flaw. Not only does she repress her love for Pink, but she represses her own sense of pinkness, too. So cerebral and so detached, she’s allowed herself to exist for these past 6,000+ years in the gaping maw without Pink as a being who has subjugated the entirety of her emotional expression. Just as Blue and Yellow are equals and opposites, so too, were Pink and White.

“Insecure, dependent, obsessed.” God. Another thing about White Diamond’s powers in relation to Pink is that White has the capacity to know a gem’s thoughts once she possesses them, whereas Pink was able to relate and empathize with their emotions. And indeed, that’s how Steven came to know and help the Gems’ problems over the course of the entirety of this show—through empathy, relation, compassion, and understandings, concepts so foreign to White Diamond. Simply alien.

POV: You’re Connie Maheswaran, and you have to fight a possessed bastardization of the Gem who once lovingly taught you everything you know about how to wield a sword.

White Diamond so simply and so precisely plucking Steven’s gem out of his stomach is the single most terrifying visual on this show. Jfc.

“SHE’S GONE.” The animus of the Pink Diamond gem prmordially screams the truth that White Diamond refuses to accept. Pink is gone. There’s no undoing death. There’s no separation from gem and body. There is only, just as there has always been for fourteen years, Steven.

He is not, and never will he ever be, his mother.

Oh, my God. This show.

And just as White Diamond parting Steven from his gem is the scariest moment in the show, Steven reuniting with him is the most transcendent. He laughs. He hugs himself. He dances. Because Steven Universe is entirely his own being.

And he loves himself. That is the crucial part. That is the beginning and the end and the resolution. Oh, my GOD. This show.

“I am a child. What’s your excuse?” KWIDIDOSJSKSKSISOSMA, GET HER.

Steven walking over to comfort Pink Pearl, even though he doesn’t know her, even though the only iteration he has seen of her has been her lobotomized version—forbidding and detached—is so tender.

WISOSJSJS, I know this is emotionally deep and indicative of just how ingrained their psychological complexes are that they don’t know how to deal with vulnerable expressions of emotion, but White, Yellow, and Blue being so dramatic about White blushing is honestly hilarious.

Sadie singing “Let Me Drive My Van into Your Heart” is so good, but what’s even better is that two second shot of Greg blushing listening to his song being sung. ;-;

Oh! Oh! And Barb is in the audience! Character development! Growth!

“No more hiding! No more running! No more Diamond Authority!” KWOWOEJDKDOSJSJSISSJSJ.

Lion padding up to Lars in a silent recognition that they’re the same ;-;-;-;

I think Sadie and Lars reuniting with such drastically different appearances and mindsets is simply just one of the coolest ways this show has come full circle. This show’s about everyone changing. Look at these two. Look at where they started, and now, where they’ve begun again.

Genuinely crying at the last few shots of the show again. Oh, my GOD. The pure, unmitigated joy. Nephrite and Steven. Bismuth and Biggs. Garnet and Pearl. Jasper and Amethyst. The Diamonds.

This show really is about love and forgiveness and healing, y’all. 😭😭😭😭

AND THEN THEY COMPLETE THE SHOT FROM THE INTRO. I AM UNWELL. IT’S 8AM.

This show, in every sense of the word, is a miracle.

Thank you, Crewniverse for this comet of epic proportions.

[oppabimbab]

the harder, the better | park jinyoung

genre : smut (riding, stroking, cursing)

starring : jinyoung x reader

synopsis : when you can’t help the jealousy and anger at your boyfriend, park jinyoung, you start to act up like a bitch but he end up making sure that you well aware; he wants no one but you. he wants to fuck you harder, more than anyone else

words count : 3653 words

side note : hello thirsty hoes. im back with jinyoung’s fic bc tl seems dry af (i know yall is doing quarantine thingy thats fine) its kinda bad lmaooo but yeah you gonna read it anyway 👀

You sip the remaining champagne inside the tall glass that you have been swirling for god-knows-how-long. Just as much as you love that alcohol, today it tastes like a motherfucking poison in your throat. It’s burning your tongue every time you swallow a drop—like a fire. Just like your heart.

You glance at your boyfriend, Jinyoung, who is talking casually to bunch of his friends that he bumps to at the bar counter, not too far from your seats.

He looks as majestic as he always does—broad shoulder, long and toned legs, muscular arms and delicious torso.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with how your boyfriend behaves with his friends but what bothers you the most is that one bitch, who is always clinging to him from the first minute you come here to the party.

Irene. That beautiful bitch. She always stands there beside Jinyoung; chuckling at every words that come out from his mouth—moving her ass and exposing her boobs for them to brush against him while she gave the endless refilled wine to him. Let alone, staring at him while he smiles and laughing, like you aren’t existed here.

Damn, is that a friend should do? You know she is Jinyoung’s colleague, he has been chanting that to you and you’re convinced but you can’t remember that, a friend should grind her body to her colleague like she wants to fuck him—that much. You’re positive until today when you clearly can’t hold the anger anymore.

When the last drop of the champagne touch your throat, you met her eyes. Her bitchy eyes along with the foxy smile, plastering all over her face before she scoots closer to Jinyoung and on purpose, she ‘accidently’ makes herself fall on him—making her exposed boobs slightly brush on his arms.

Just how gentleman Jinyoung is, he looks shock and immediately helps her to get on her feet. Making her smile becomes wider, at you.

Seeing that, you can’t help but feel extremely intimidated and pissed. Not sure if it’s solely on that bitch Irene or your boyfriend. You inhale some air to calm yourself from the sight. You try to look unbother, not giving any piece of damn at her, who is having fun drooling at your man.

For real, Irene is extremely gorgeous. You can’t deny. You know people swoon over her because of her beauty and sexiness every time she passes by, doing the bare minimum—or simply said, she is the main star of this party. Everyone loves her. She looks perfect. Just like him.

Now, that thought bothers you the most.

**

The ride is filled with silences from both of you and him as he drives back to the apartment that you have been sharing with him for the past 9 months.

You don’t feel like talking to him. At all. He asked you to come along to this party but why the fuck did he make you feel less—like you don’t belong there, as his girl. You’re not sure what he did wrong but when you saw him walking back to you at the table after almost touching other girl’s boobs, you immediately feel upset. Extremely upset. You’re pissed, annoyed, jealous and angry. You can’t bring yourself to talk to him at this moment.

And he seems like he doesn’t care about that. Good thing because all you want is to go back to sleep with this anger. You stare out of the window, completely silent.

“You’re giving an attitude,” he breaks the silence between you and him as the silence happens way too long. You cock your eyebrow and glance at him slightly before looking back at the window.

“Excuse me?” you say—trying not to sound annoyed or pissed even honestly, you want to scream.

He exhales some air before tilting his head at you, looking at your obvious frustrated face. You can feel his big hand snake on your exposed thigh, giving it a slow rub while the other hand is on the steering.

“May I know, why is my girl acting up like this?” he sounds calm and serene—unlike you. You push his hand away from your skin without looking at him.

“Focus. I’m not in the mood, Jinyoung,”

You see his face changes, from the corner of your eyes but you don’t care. The least thing he can do is stop being such an asshole at this moment. You don’t want to talk, not to him.

“Why are you always acting up without reason at times like this?” he says through gritted teeth as he clenches his jaws. You can’t believe he just said that.

“What? Me?”

“Yes, you,”

“Are you serious? I said i’m not in the mood. Just drives us home and leave me alone, Jinyoung. You’re such an asshole,” you can’t help your anger anymore when he is pointing the arrow back at you. Sure, he said something harmless but at times like this, everything pisses you off. You’re fucking pissed when he stares back you like he did nothing.

Before he could say anything, he stops the car at the side of the road. Your eyebrow furrowed at his gesture as you look at him, confused and pissed. Jinyoung looks back you, completely mad.

“Alright. Why don’t you tell this asshole, your problem? For fuck sake baby, I don’t know if you don’t tell me,” he runs his hands through the hair, sounded frustrated at your moody ass tonight.

You shrug.

“I don’t know. Ask Irene,” now, you know you sound like an immature bitch but you don’t care. He is being such an asshole.

“Irene?” he cocks his eyebrow.

You don’t reply anything.

“What does Irene has to do with this topic?”

He is dumb.

“That’s fine, Jinyoung. I want to go home. I’m tired. Let’s talk about this later,,” you heave a small sigh, rubbing your head as you ignore his question because you don’t feel like explaining the little anger in yourself now. Or both of you will get into a serious fight. You just don’t want him around.

You look at him and his eyes changed. They are darkened and hooded—the same eyes when he is mad and pissed.

“Fucking sit on me now,” he commands. Your jaw drops at him as he unbuckle the seat belt around his body. Which part of going home that he doesn’t understand?

“Jinyoung! I don’t wan—“

“I said sit on me. Make me repeat and I’ll make you regret,” his eyes burn with fire, you can see the popping veins along his jaw and neck. You’re not sure why but he looks fucking delicious.

You heave a frustrated sigh as you unbuckle the seat belt before you climb all over him and sit on his lap—facing him with your back only few inches away from the steering wheel.

Both of you stare at each other before you look away from his eyes when you can’t contain the jealousy and anger in yourself every time you think of what happened earlier. It upsets you so much that you can feel your heart is aching.

“Now, fucking tell me why you’re behaving like you miss my cock,” he utters the words as he brings both his hands on your hips—looking up to find your eyes. You hiss at his touch, making his eyebrow lifted.

“I’m so pissed,”

“You can’t be pissed in this dress. Definitely not in this dress that makes me want to fuck you hard,” Jinyoung trails his eyes to your neck, your exposed chest and to your ass. You know he is good at dirty talk because you can feel butterflies all over your stomach.

You scoff at him.

“Sure but I think Irene wants you to fuck her harder than me. Sure, Jinyoung,” you can’t look at him on the eyes as your heart hurts at the thought. You try to get off from his lap before you feel his grip tightened around your hips.

“I see,” he nods.

“Baby, are you jealous?” he looks at you, hiding his beautiful smile behind his bitten lip.

“Yes. Very much,” you stare back at hiim—telling him how deep the pain and jealousy is.

His smile gets wider.

The silence starts to build between you two before he speaks up.

“Everyone can see that she wants you. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that,” you roll your eyes, annoyance starts to build when you think of her. Jinyoung hides his smile.

“Do you believe that?” he asks and you had it enough. You squeal at him, to let you go back to your place and end this night but he wouldn’t budge as he grabs your hips tighter to keep you on his lap.

“How do I make you realise that I’m all yours?” he squeaks, rubbing your clothed ass along with your inner thigh, causing you to whimper softly.

“Fucking you here, in this car?” he whispers before he leans closer to your body and starts to trail sloppy kisses on the sweet spot while he chants the dirty words. You can’t help but squirm at his touch as you bring your hands to hold on to his shoulder.

“Jinyoung, don’t,” you whimper at his touch even deep inside, you know you want this more than him. He chuckles at your words.

“I can feel your juices on my thigh, then you’re telling me no? Such a cute kitten,” he bites the soft skin on the collarbone as he calls your favourite pet name. When you no longer can hold the sudden excitement in your body, you start to grind on his thigh, rubbing your pussy on his thick thigh. It makes him groans, in pleasure while staring at your pussy. He grunts in frustration when the thin underwear covers the red pussy.

“Jinyoung....,” you moan his name and he hums at your calls while bitting his lips. His eyes darkened when he can see your red pussy under the thin fabric underwear. He must be thanking God for letting you to wear such a short dress so it makes it’s easier for him to hover the pussy.

“Oh my god,” he grunts as he pulls your hips, to make the move becomes faster and wilder, eventually growing the huge bulge that is starting to touch your throbbing clit. You moan out loud at the touch, throwing your head to the back while keeping the same pace on his lap as he pulls your closer with his big hands The feeling—so fucking good. The car is filled with hot breath from both of you.

“Ah!” your breath hitched when you can feel a familiar knot inside your pussy and abdomen—making you to look at him while moaning his name. He likes it when his name comes out from your mouth when he is abusing the pussy. He feels like a sexy dominant and he will make sure the scream gets louder when he finally pumps his cock inside you.

“How the hell I want to fuck her harder when I have this pussy, wet and juicy—just for me? Tell me how, baby,” he whispers, rubbing his index finger on your clothed clitoris, circling and pinching it while looking at your moaning mess face, when you’re coming to the climax.

He hisses—completely mesmerised at your beautiful cunt.

“Ah! Jinyoung!” as he rubs your clit and forcing you to grind on his huge bulge, you let out a small squirt on his jeans—soaking it wet with the juices. He hums in approval—licking the liquid around his finger while staring at you, like a provocative beast.

“Sweet cunt,” he says while chuckling.

“Is that enough?” he adds, cocking his eyebrow at you. You pant on his shoulder, slightly confused at his question.

“I want more,” you whisper. Needy and desperate, completely different than you were few minutes ago. His chest vibrats as he giggles.

Before you could say anything, he lifts the hem of your mini dress and pulls it to your chest—leaving your boobs bounce to his sight. You squeal in surprise. In just a blink of eyes, he unclasps and throws your bra to the back seat. You look outside—you sure don’t wanna let anyone see you this erotic.

“Fuck,” his eyes darkened when he brings his eyes to your boobs—chanting a trail of curses before he gropes them, roughly. Your body jerk at the touch, making the boobs bounce.

“You’re fucking beautiful, do you know that?” he says before taking one of your nipples into his mouth—sucking the bud hungrily. Your chin is up—moaning even louder than before as you press your body closer to him—deepened his mouth to your hardened bud. Your run your hand through his hair while the other one, holding on the car seat.

Every words that come out from his mouth, sounds like an ecstasy and it’s making your cunt pools with liquid. Skin tingles a lot and all you wanted is to feel him inside your body. He hums, biting the nipple, causing you to fill the car with his name. His warm and playful tongue—goddamn it feels like heaven.

“Jinyoung, get inside me,” you whine like a kitten when he pulls from you. You can see a boyish grin all over his face as he stares at you like a motherfuckinh predator. Your pussy clenches at the sight.

Before you could say anything, he trails his fingers to the strap of your panty before he rips it—exposing the raw pussy to his eyes.

“Oh my god,” you scream. He giggles, throwing the panty to the passenger seat as he slaps your ass.

“I’ll buy you a new one later,” he whispers, staring at the pussy as he gives it slow stroke. You whine at the touch. It’s slow and addicting, now you suddenly miss his big cock.

Impatient, you push him against the car seat before you unbuckle the belt around his jeans, slightly pull the pant to his knees—leaving his boxer alone. He says nothing as he let you get the touch of his cock by yourself. When you see the throbbing bulge, you immediately pull the boxer—making his dick slapping your lower abdomen. You moan at the contact.

“Come, baby. Do whatever you want to do,” he gives a small kiss on your neck before he leans against the seat to let you take over. You catch his eyes for a few seconds before you look down and starts stroking his member from up to down, smearing the pre-cum all over the veiny cock. He groans at your soft touch, making you look at him while bitting your lower lip—seductively.

Jinyoung throws his head to the back, slapping your ass over and over again as you please him. His dick is damn big and hard—you wonder how would he feels like inside this tight pussy of yours? Your cunt is screaming for the fill.

After few more strokes, you stop. Lifting your ass up while you rub the tip of his cock on the wet entrance, increasing the sensitivity. Both of you and him moan like crazy. Slowly, you sit down on him—completely burying his dick inside your tight and slippery pussy—causing you to scream to the air. Jinyoung hisses, breathing hard as he looks down where his dick get buried.

“Goddamn. You take my cock so well,” he moans, gripping your juicy ass so you can move in sync with him. You hold on the car seat while the other hand is palming his chest as you start to ride on his dick. Jinyoung has been really big, why the hell he makes the sex feel so damn good even you already had hundred sex with him? You open your mouth and moan while staring at each other’s eyes.

“I’m your kitten,” you whisper, bouncing up and down on his dick—slapping his balls with your ass like tomorrow doesn’t come. He chuckles.

“Yeah. My kitten,” he bites his lower lip, grabbing your breast in his big hand and squeeze it roughly. A gush of air leaves your lungs at the sensation. You scream his name.

“Jinyoung! Ah!” your body jerk. The sound of slapping skin fills the car, you’re very sure the car is shaking like hell. But, your mind is too busy to think about that. His big cock in your tight cunt. What a perfect combination.

“Fucking sexy. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life,” he grunts through gritted teeth as he gropes the breast while he watches you humping on his dick. You moan like a mess. Throwing your head to the back, know nothing but his dick. When he notices your move becomes slower, he grabs your hips and quickened the pace up and down. Letting your wet pussy coating his member with white substances.

“Ah! Baby!” you leans forward and breathe on his neck, moaning, whimpering while he takes over. Jinyoung grunts in every thrust. He will make sure your pussy will be swollen.

“Fuck me harder, baby. Harder,”

“Of course,” he grunts. The pace quickened and the thrust deepened—making he hits your G-spot over and over again with no mercy. Tears prick on your eyes. It feels so good. So damn good being in his embrace while he is pumping inside you.

“Good, isn’t it?”

“Y-yes. Ah! Please, don’t stop,” your body twitches.

“You’re the only one who can make my cock becomes this hard,” he whispers to your ears.

“You make me want to bang this pussy harder every time I see you,”

“So,” thrust

“Fucking” thrust

“beautiful,” thrust

“and,” thrust

“hot,” thrust

He thrusts in every words. You scream erotically and pant heavily on his sexy neck. Your legs becoming weak and shaky as your move starts to be sloppy.

“Even Irene can’t make me this horny. Only you. I’m all yours, baby girl. I’m yours,” he kisses your shoulder, still taking your pussy while chanting endless I love you’s. You can’t help but feel extremely loved. Sex is great but his words and reassurance—oh it brings you to another wonderland. You moan his name, moving your hips to reach the climax.

Breath hitched, endless moans, steamy car and rising chests.

“Jinyoung...” you calls him.

“Cum inside me,”

He chuckles, staring at you as you pulls away from his neck—pumping for few more times as you can feel his dick is twitching inside you. You clench around him—making him groan like a beast.

“Oh fuck, you feel so good around me,” he moans and growls when your pussy clench around his cock. His breath hitched and shorten.

“Ah! Ah!” a lewd moan escapes your mouth when he pumps his cum inside you, making your body bouncing and jerking at every shot. Your nails claw on his chest , bitting down the lower lip while you stare to his darkened eyes. The eye contacts—so sexy. You scream as you reach the intense climax. Jinyoung grunts while he keeps grinding your ass on his cock to fill every part of your pussy with his warm semen, making it drips out of the pussy and wet the seat.

You bury your face on his neck, nuzzling his strong scent while panting hard—to let yourself calm. That was amazing. You didn’t know sex in car would turn out this good and hot. The car is filled nothing but steam from your and his hot breath.

“I have my favourite kink now,” he says, stroking your back—tracing his slender fingers along the spine, sending you an adrenaline.

“What is it?” you squeak, tired from the intense fuck.

“Car fuck. I should fuck you at the back seat next time. Let’s see how loud your scream is,”

“Asshole,” you slap his chest playfully and it receives another sweet laughter from him. He knows you’re joking.

When you both finally calmed down, you clean the mess on his seat before you climb back to your seat, looking completely mess. Smudge make up, missing panty, throbbing and swollen pussy. Jinyoung is a beast.

As the car starts to move, he glances at you as he pulls your dress to see the pussy. His raspy voice starts to fill the car.

“Keep the pussy wet. I can’t wait to eat your sweet cunt when we get home,”

“So, you know nothing but my name and my cock,”

follow me for thirsty smuts *winks*

[random-mha-thoughts]

Name (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x fem!Reader

Anon asked: “suggestion for Todoroki angst : he got in an arranged marriage with S/O because of his dad who offered a large amount of money to her family for this. Indeed it’s not what they are both looking for but Todoroki really acts cold, is sharp, openly criticizes her (a bit OOC ik) ... S/O is hurt but is still trying to be a good wife around the house to make the best of the situation and hide her insecurities. It’s just an idea, if it does not inspire you I hope you will find something better!! xx

Genre: Angst. Just...angst. I’m so sorry in advance plz don’t hate me

Warnings: Grab your tissues, this is a long roller coaster that’s only going downhill OH GOD I’M SO SORRY

Word count: 3,059

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ 

a/n: (Submission 1/3 for my post asking for todo angst ideas!  Thanks for the ask anon!)

Um. This is...depressing.  Really depressing and really intense.  I didn’t expect it would turn out this way.  But it did.  I had 2 other endings, but I instinctively wrote this one.  I actually had to stop and cry for a few minutes because it was just really painful I mean, I know I said I was ready to but I didn’t actually mEAn it

I tried a different style for this, but I think it suits the story well.  It’s 3rd person limited because I wanted you to experience everyone’s feelings in this (gotta maximize on the angst yknow) and half past tense bc of reasons you’ll find out.

God I’m afraid to post this. Is it bad that I love it, I honestly spent so much time writing this, but it hurts sO mUch?? Y’all are gonna hate me, you’re gonna kill me, oh no, just read the thing already, I’m hiding.

Buy me a coffee?

Shoto didn't know how to react to the news.  It's not that he had his eye on anyone in particular, or that he was even interested in marriage for that matter.  But because he proposed it, the man who had spent his entire childhood controlling every aspect of his life, he refused to accept any other intrusions from the man he should call "father."

The strange man across from his father spoke those words so casually.  "So Endeavor, when are these two tying the knot?"

At first, he thought he had misheard or misunderstood.  And then his father responded just as casually, "The date is set for next month."

The normally calm and collected boy almost burst the entire room into flames.  He clenched the silverware so hard his knuckles turned white and his teeth ground together, but he couldn't say anything in front of his father's guest and his daughter for fear of shaming himself.  The girl across from him offered a sympathetic look, but he turned away, already preparing the earful he's going to give his father.

-

"I want nothing to do with this!" he whirled on Endeavor as soon as they were home.  "You've made my life a living hell controlling every single thing!  And now you even want to control my marriage?!"

"I'm doing this for you!" Endeavor bellowed right back.  "For the Todoroki name!  For your future!"

"This is all for you!  I want no part-!"

"If you don't agree, you'll never see your mother or the siblings again."

The calm threat was enough to drench Shoto's wrath into submissive fear.  The flaming monster in front of him proved once again that he hasn't an ounce of sympathy for his blood.  He's learned that family is the only thing keeping his son under his thumb and he still actively exploits that weakness.

All the boy can do is swallow and walk away, retreating to the outside world to escape his bitter reality even temporarily.  Shoto doesn't have outbursts often, but there are times when the straw finally breaks the camel's back, and this is one of them.  All he can do is run until he can't run anymore, reaching somewhere secluded enough where he can burst out in flames and ice without hurting anyone, finally getting to a forest where he can do exactly that and scream to his heart's content.  It's the only thing he can do that is under his own control.

In the month that followed up to the wedding, Shoto barely spoke a word to anyone, choosing to isolate himself.  He only came out when he absolutely had to show his face at functions to the bride's family and look presentable.  His mind was always absent, the time flying in a blur of colors and white.  Thankfully, his father did the preparations, so all he had to do was go along with everything.  Shoto was simply playing a role in a play or movie, he was an actor who deserved an award for being in character for a month.

The night of the wedding, he and his newly-wedded wife were whisked away to their new home, being alone for the first time together.  He didn't even know what she looked like nor did he care.  As soon as they walked through the door of their already-furnished house, he released a heavy breath, brushed past her, unbuttoned his tuxedo, and - cold as his ice quirk - instructed, "I'm going to bed.  Don't come up tonight."  It was the first time he had ever spoken directly to her.

His wife, through this entire ordeal, was patient with him.  She didn't want this arrangement either, but she figured they could at least talk and come to a mutual agreement.  The entire month, she never pushed him to speak to her.  She anticipated that he would be rational about this, as she was told by her family, and that they would be able to talk things over when they were finally alone.  Just as she was going to speak her mind the way she had rehearsed it many times, he dismissed her.  She was hurt, but she understood.  He's exhausted after a whole month of stress and preparations, she rationalized, He just wants to rest.  I wouldn't want to talk to a stranger after all that either.

Resolving to try again tomorrow morning, she undressed (with great difficulty), crept into the master bedroom for her clothes while Shoto showers, retrieved her pajamas quietly, and retreated back to the living room.  The girl searched all the closets for a thick enough blanket and settles down to sleep on a couch, the exhaustion putting her right to sleep.

The next morning, the new Mrs. Todoroki woke up bright and early to make breakfast for her husband as an olive branch.  She toiled away in the kitchen, somewhat making a racket even though she wanted to stay quiet so Shoto can sleep.  Just as she finished setting the table and had to face the question of how to wake him, the boy padded down from the room.

"Oh, morning!" she smiled brightly at him.

He murmured a greeting back only to be polite, his face devoid of any real emotions other than coldness.  He sat as far away from her a possible, thanking her for the meal halfheartedly and digging in without another word.

After waiting a few moments to let him satisfy his hunger, she cleared her throat.  "So, um-"

"Your tamagoyaki needs more soy sauce and butter," he stated bluntly.

She blinked at the harsh comment.  It was shocking he said anything to her at all, and the first thing he said was an insult.

"And the miso has no flavor," he continued in the same tone.

The girl finally gathered her wits.  "I'll do better tomorrow.  Thanks for the feedback, I guess?" she laughed nervously, trying to erase the immense tension Shoto bled into the atmosphere.  When he didn't respond, she tried again.  "I know this isn't something either of us wanted, but that doesn't mean we have to live here like enemies.  We could be friends, or even just roommates!"

"I'd rather be strangers," he interjected harshly.

It felt like a stab in the heart.  Here she was, trying to make their lives somewhat bearable together through their common misfortune, and all he wanted to do was live like ghosts in the same house.

Shoto placed his chopsticks down firmly, glaring her straight in the eyes with the iciest hatred she's ever seen.  "Just to be clear, I want no part of you.  You live your life and I live mine.  You can have the bedroom to sleep at night if you want, but it's mine when I come home to shower and prepare for bed.  We will not sleep, talk, or breathe near each other as long as we are in this house."

She dipped her head in defeat, unable to bear the weight of his stare.  "C-Can we at least have our meals together?" she asked feebly.

It's something he respected, coming from family values no matter how broken.  It's the only exception he made to their less-than relationship.

Months passed and she kept her end of the bargain through a suffocating routine.  At first, the girl was kind, trying to get him to open up to her somehow without overstepping her boundaries.  She made excuses for him constantly.  He's just tired.  The least I can do is leave him alone.  I can't comfort him anyway, I'm a stranger.  He's still upset about the whole thing, he'll come around.  She even begged her boss to let her leave a little early every day to make sure she had ample amount of time to get home, shower, and prepare dinner before Shoto returned.  When he did, he wordlessly showered, sat down to dinner, nitpicked at her cooking, finished eating, and went to sleep on the living room couch, all without even sparing her a glance.

But as every day passed, she grew more weary and worn in her efforts to please him.  She tried to fix every little complaint Shoto had about her cooking or the cleanliness of the house or the laundry, but nothing seemed to satisfy him.  She tried to hold onto the silver lining.  At least he never touched me wrong or took advantage of me, she would think bitterly.  He has the decency not to take his anger out on me.

Then the dark thoughts closed in as he continued ignoring her. Surely, Shoto's only disgusted with his father, he doesn't harbor hatred for her personally.  Then she would remember the hate and disgust in his mismatched eyes the first day of their marriage.  She realized no matter how desperately she tried, he wouldn't show her any signs of warmth or appreciation.  No more did she try to make conversation with him during meals or greet him when he came home.  There were days she thought, Why should I even try?  He wouldn't like it either way.  What's the point of getting up today?  Maybe he'll even criticize how I sleep.  But she still rose out of bed every morning and carried out her routine because it could always be worse.

A sliver of hope came in the form of Shoto's birthday.  The girl figured if she did something just a little special, he would acknowledge her even the tiniest bit.  She spent days beforehand researching and testing out the perfect cold soba recipe because she knew it was his favorite.  She lit some candles on the table and bought a small cake for them to share.

When he came home, she was sure he would notice and say something, but he didn't; he went straight up to the bathroom as he usually did without a word.  Though she felt the glimmer lessen in her heart, she didn't give up.  For the first time in a while, she verbalized her thoughts to him.

"I made your favorite for your birthday!" she chirped as he sat down, setting the plate and a cup of dipping sauce in front of him.  She was so eager for him to try it because she was confident she'd gotten it right this time.  If she were a dog, her tail would've wagged in anticipation as he slurped the noodles into his mouth.  She waited patiently for his feedback, leaning forward in excitement as he swallowed.

"The noodles are slightly overcooked.  And the dipping sauce is too strong, you didn't add enough water."

Her hopes came crashing to a halt.  She couldn't even muster anything else to say as he hastily finished his dinner and rose to leave.

She stood up, heart hammering in her chest.  "What about the cake?"  Anything, something!

"I don't want it."  He turned his back to her.

"I got it for you!"  It was the first time she explicitly stated her intentions, the first time she made herself vulnerable.

"You shouldn't have gotten it at all.  It was a waste of time.  Why did you even try?"  The calm and cold words stung her as he got up and left her in the dining room alone.

His words echoed against the empty walls of the dining room.  She looked down at the cake he disregarded, feeling cold and dizzy.  She took a shaky breath in and out before resting her head on the cold glass table to stabilize herself.  The voice stabs through her even as she closed her eyes to block them out.

It was then she felt bluntly in her mind.  He hates me.  

-

The girl feels nothing but numbing cold, both on her face and inside.  Rolling up to sit, her neck and back cry out in soreness from sleeping on the table, pale light greeting her from the nearby window.  Her face feels strange, and she trudges to the bathroom mirror to check why.  She knows she should be preparing for work, but what's the point?  Her reflection reveals lines across her cheek, probably from sleeping on the edge of the table.  She shuffles to the kitchen because she should probably start breakfast, but why should she?  Leaning against the counter, she can't bring herself to move anywhere.  Her brain buffers as she tries to force herself to think of what to do now.  She doesn't feel sick, but there's a dull, cool feeling in her limbs that she can't face.

The phone rings, catching her off guard.  Glancing at the number, she doesn't hesitate to answer.  "Hello?"

"Hi, baby.  It's me."

Her eyebrows relax, appreciating the sound of a familiar voice.  "Hey, Mom.  What's up?"  She knows her voice sounds weak, she's hoping the woman can't hear it.

"I'm just checking in, you haven't called in a while.  Is something up?  You don't sound good."

"I'm...fine," she stumbles over the word.  "How's dad?"

"He's doing well.  You sure you're not sick, sweetie?"

"I'm not."  She leans her back on the counter.

"Is Shoto there?  How is he?"

And just like that, she feels something dislodge in her throat.  "He's going to work, he probably left early."  She doesn't know, there hasn't been any rustling in the house.

Her mom is silent for a while.  "Tell me the truth.  What happened?"

The sound of her mother's stern voice moves something in her chest.  "It's nothing, I just made a mistake."

"Doing what?"

"I tried making Shoto's favorite dish for his birthday yesterday.  I put so much time and energy into perfecting it for him to enjoy it, but I fell short again."  She laughs bitterly, tears starting to fill her eyes.  "He didn't even want the cake I got for him, he said it was a waste.  I shouldn't have bothered with it."  She blinks and a tear slides down her face.  "I don't know why I was expecting something different to happen, I'm so stupid."

"Honey, where is this coming from?  What's going on?"

She wipes her face, but more spill out of her eyes as she slides down the cabinet onto the cold floor.  "It's just a little frustrating when you're sharing a house with someone you're married to and they barely acknowledge you.  I mean, I expected there to be problems at first given the circumstances, but I didn't expect this."  Her voice shakes with every word.  "God, what did I do to deserve this?  I've lived in this house for 5 months, and never has he even said 'thank you' to me.  Hasn't breathed a word of appreciation to me.  I do so much for him.  I've bent over backwards for him just to make everything done the way he wants it, I've worked my entire routine, my entire life in this house to cater to him, but all he does is complain!"  She sobs into the phone, curling up into a ball as tremors wrack through her body.  "I'm just so tired.  I don't know how much more I can take.  I've made so many excuses for him, but I just can't do anything right.  Why am I even still here?"

Her mother is silent on the other line.  "My baby, if I knew this would happen, I wouldn't have allowed this marriage.  I can't believe you're going through this."

The girl can't formulate words or think anything coherent.  She drops the phone out of her hand, wrapping her legs to her chest as the tremors continue in waves, muffled whimpers the only thing escaping her lips because she's afraid to cry out loud despite being in an empty, lonely house.

-

Shoto heard something he probably shouldn't have, but he definitely needed to hear.  It bothered him for the rest of the day.  It was a sobering slap in the face that made him feel shame and regret, a hard-to-swallow pill that sat in his stomach the entire day.

On his way back home, the sound of her sobs echoes in his mind.  He curses his behavior from the past few months.  At the very least, he made a lady cry, and at the most, he's been a complete asshole.  It's all his fault, that is something he's completely aware of and is ready to take full responsibility for.  All this time, he was stupidly neglecting her out of spite for his father, but he broke her in the process.  He's angry that he had to hear her crying to realize that.  The only thing he can do now is hurry home to profusely apologize for what he's done and hope they can start over new and she forgives him, which he's prepared for her not to do.

Honestly, he deserves all the hate from her that he's shown her.  After everything she's done for him and all the effort she's put into their imbalanced relationship, he wouldn't be surprised if she yelled at him and called him all sorts of names.

Shoto walks through the door, the atmosphere different.  The house is quiet as usual, but it's more eerie than he remembers, as if that means anything with how aloof he was.  He slips into the bedroom and changes quickly, returning back to the quiet dining room where his dinner waits for him at his place.

He tentatively sits and spares a quick glance at the girl who's supposed to be his wife.  Her eyes are still puffy and she's tugging at her sleeves.  It seems she's avoiding him and he was avoiding her before.  He questions how things should start.   When is the right time to speak his piece.  Would she listen to him now?  He decides to take a bite first and chews slowly.  I guess a 'thank you' is a good place to start-

"We're getting a divorce."

He stops suddenly, almost choking.

"You don't owe me anything, and I don't want anything from you."  She isn't looking at him, voice calm and collected.  "Besides, it's better this way since it's what you wanted."  She rises from her seat smoothly.  "I've already packed for the next few nights.  I'll have some workers come in the following weeks to clear out the rest, and the papers will be delivered promptly."  Her footsteps recede from the room.

Shoto turns around to call out to her, and his minds comes up blank.

He never even bothered to remember her name.

~

Sequel?

Sequel!

[in-tua-deep]

🌻 If I may just request something lighter. I nee that right now.

a “happy ending, the team wins and life is made easier for them” au coming right up ;3c

bear with me for some less light content though bc it is the umbrella academy and there’s a lot of. u know. child soldiers and death. but i will try!! bear with me, starts off less light and ends much lighter I promise

so maybe not light but on god it’s going to end soft

---

When Five is seven, he walks into a room and makes a face. His siblings, who are loudly arguing, don’t notice. It’s just One and Two, going at one anothers throats for the eleventh time that one.

(It should be noted that’s it’s only the fifth of the month. So really not surprising in the slightest.)

And then Five tilts his head, and very purposefully steps backwards, and a few seconds later a knife embeds itself in the wall a few inches from Five’s face.

“You almost hit Five!” One roars, pointing accusingly.

“I wouldn’t have.” Two scowls.

Except he did.

The next day, Five looks up from his homework and frowns at Six. He’d rather ask Six alone, and Four is present, but this is the best opportunity he’s going to get to ask anything without Dad finding out or having to deal with, ugh, One. 

“Hey Six?” Five asks, getting a quiet ‘hmm’ in return as Six looks up, “You ever have a dream that comes true?”

Before Six can get out a word, Four rolls over from where he’s taken his book and sprawled out on the floor with it since he can’t sit still in a chair longer than four seconds. “I thinks that’s called deja vu, dude.”

Six nods, “The feeling something has happened before, sure. Plus, if you’re stressed out about something you might dream about it. You having dreams, Five?”

Five shrugs, thoughtful. If there’s a name for the experience, then it’s something that happens to everybody and isn’t something to worry about. 

“No,” He says, “I’m fine. Thanks.”

---

When Five is ten, he refuses to follow One’s - Luther’s - plan for the first time in a real life situation. 

“No.” Five says, firmly, “That plan is going to get someone killed.”

“It’s a good plan.” Luther says, equally firm and just the slightest bit irritated. Being in Luther’s favor actually counts for more than he might know, and being out of it... Reginald listens to Luther in a way that he doesn’t for the rest of them. 

So Five toes the line, but usually doesn’t give the boy a reason to actually complain about him. So he grouches and snipes and snarks but usually follows the plan, if with some... embellishment. He doesn’t usually disobey outright.

“I’m not doing it.” Five says, and the team is quiet to the side. Five has always been headstrong, but this head on collision is not his style. 

“Yes.” Luther says, anger twisting his face into something ugly, “You are.”

And then their illustrious leader beckons for them to go, and it’s Allison who flounces off first to her position followed by a stalking Diego. Ben gives Five a hesitant look, but goes ahead without saying anything. Ben has never been a fan of conflict.

Five stares at Luther, and Luther’s eyes narrow, and Five thinks fine, he thinks, I’ll do it myself. And he jumps away.

And when things fall apart and go to shit, Five is there yanking on a skinny arm and a bullet whizzes by and Five cover Klaus’s body with his own as he shoves them both under a desk. A few minutes later, knives appear out of thin air and Five pries them out. He doesn’t even realize until they’re all looking at him, horrified, that he’s been shot. Not until he touches his fingers to his shoulder and feels the red against his fingers.

“Oh.” Five says, frowning, and then he looks at a pale faced Luther. “I told you your plan was shit.”

That’s the last thing he remembers, until he wakes up in bed feeling fuzzy with his shoulder patched and bandaged and Mom right there helping him sit up and sip from a glass.

That’s the first time Five realizes that what he does can be dangerous.

---

The thing is, it starts off incredibly simple. Harmless. 

When Five dreams, his dreams are... strange. He dreams of simple things, little things. An argument that will happen. What dinner will be. That Ben is going to leave his book in the little storage room by the dumb stature of an elephant that looks more more like a bulldog with a snake attached to its face.

The thing is, he believes Klaus at first. That it’s harmless. Except it becomes less fuzzy and less a feeling that something will happen, and becomes something sharper. Something more than deja vu.

He thinks about telling his father, because he’s angry with Luther and craves recognition and discovering something new about their powers is a surefire way to get Dad’s undivided attention.

(When Diego discovered he could hold his breath for an alarming amount of time, the rest of the family didn’t see him for a week.)

That’s the first night he wakes up with cut off screams in his throat, and the knowledge that his father is a ruthless, tricky man. And very very inventive. 

(He does not tell his father about his power development. He doesn’t tell anyone, actually.

He loves his siblings, but he doesn’t trust them. Information, in this household, is power. A bargaining chip. He loves his siblings, but Reginald is clever and he is cruel and any one of them would betray the others if it hurt enough.)

As he grows older, his dreams become more vivid. And they stop just being about the next day.

He saves Klaus’s life from a bad plan, but he learns a lesson. If he changes what his dreams show him, he doesn’t know what will happen next. He saved Klaus, but got shot himself. 

He gets a choice, between having absolute certainty, and changing the future. It means that Five rarely acts on his dreams. Not unless he has to. And after that awful, awful mission, Five also learns to be more subtle.

Especially after a bedbound interrogation by his father, that Five barely manages to spin into it just being a challenging brat, and things just happening to go down badly was a coincidence that Five will hold over Luther’s head for the rest of time.

And Five is a challenging brat at the best of time, and so Reginald believes him, but he learns to be more subtle.

So Five... nudges things. When he absolutely has to. And the rest of the time he bites his own tongue and stomps on his own fury and grits his teeth. He does what he can, when it can’t be traced back to him.

(Klaus goes into the mausoleum, and he wraps his arms around himself in a terrified hug, and his hand bumps something in his pocket. A little flashlight. Klaus thinks for a moment about how it could have gotten there, and decides not to look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s still terrible, but it’s more bearable with a little bit of light.)

---

Five is twelve when he starts dreaming about the end of the world. He also discovers an entirely new aspect to his power.

When Five sleeps, he dreams of time travel. He dreams of the fizzle of time itself against his palms, how exhilarating it is. Time itself at his command, no, not command. Time itself cradling him in its infinite grasp. It’s not like jumping through space. Time is, it’s so big. And it loves him. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he does. Time loves him, and he loves it.

He wants to travel, he wants it desperately. But he knows what will happen if he does. He knows, he sees, he dreams over weeks, over months, lives an entire life in eight hour increments. 

And in this life, Five learned his lesson early. You don’t tell Reginald Hargreeves about new developments in your power unless you’re willing to go through his private training in order to train it. 

Five doesn’t mention anything about time travel, to anyone.

Five is thirteen-years-old and two-months and he misses the day he was supposed to time travel on. And he wakes up sweating and dizzy and dying. 

(Five Hargreeves is time’s child. Time loves him, but he needs time in a way he never realized. he made a change. It’s too big of a change.)

Five wipes his face, splashes some cold water, and gets to work.

The first thing he does, is go into Vanya’s room and sit her down.

“Are you okay?” She whispers. She’s always been so quiet, like a mouse tiptoeing around in a house full of cats. And Five regrets, for just a moment, not telling her sooner that she’s always been a cat as well.

“I need to tell you something.” Five whispers back, determination making him sit up straight. “And I need you to not be angry.”

“Why would I be angry?” Vanya asks, tilting her head and looking confused.

“Because I kept a secret from you.” Five whispers.

Vanya just gives him the most puzzled look, “What secret? Why?”

“Because information is power, Vanya.” Five tells her, reaching out and taking her hand in his own, “Because I love you, I love you all. But I don’t know what’s going to happen, only what could happen. What cannot happen.”

“Five you aren’t making any sense.” She reaches up to feel his forehead, snapping her hand back to her side, “You’re burning up! Five!”

Five smiles at her, “I keep so many secrets, Vanya. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to change the world, and you’re the only one I can trust to help me, okay?”

“Five... I don’t understand.” Vanya says, helpless.

“You will.” Five says, his smile turning just a little watery, “Promise me something though. Promise me you won’t hate me. Won’t hate any of us.”

“What are you talking about.”

Five shakes her hand, “We were so little Vanya. We didn’t know. Allison didn’t know. The only person to blame for this is Dad, because he did something terrible, Van. Something awful. He made us all do something terrible.”

“Five...”

“Promise me Vanya.” Five demands, shaking his head. “Promise me, promise me you won’t hate us. If you have to hate someone, hate dad. But promise me.”

“I - I promise.” Vanya stutters, confused.

“Haven’t you ever wondered why you’re the only child that didn’t develop powers?” Five asks gently, “Haven’t you ever wondered why, if you don’t have powers, Dad kept you? You know him. We all know him. He’s a practical man. If you’re of no use to him...”

“...He would throw me away.” Vanya finishes, her voice a mere whisper. “But he did. He did keep me, so - so he must think I have potential, right?”

“He knows you have potential, Vanya.” Five’s voice is soft, gentle, in a way it never is. “He knows, because he took it away from you.”

“What - Five?”

Five gives Vanya’s hand another little shake. “How long have you taken your anxiety meds, Van?”

“My what?” She pulls her hand out of his, drawing it up to her chest, “I - I don’t know. A long time.”

“Since we were four, Van.” Five tucks his empty hands into his lap, hiding the trembling of his fingers, “Do you know what else happened when we were four? We started getting our powers, remember?”

“Speak plainly, Five.” Vanya’s hands are trembling as well, but not for the same reason.

“He stole it from you, Van.” Five whispers, “You were four. You didn’t realize how dangerous you were. You didn’t understand, you were so little. So he took them, and then he never gave them back.”

Vanya’s eyes are wet, and she brings a trembling hand to her mouth, “No.”

“He told Allison to make you forget.” He grips the fabric of his shorts as a shudder ripples through him, “She was four. How could she say no? He made all of us forget, and then how could we know to tell you?”

Vanya is openly crying, a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs because everyone in the manor knows how dangerous crying can be. How dangerous the wrong kind of attention can be. “Then how do you know, Five.” She manages to get out, “How do you know.”

Five offers her a watery smile, “Because I keep secrets, Vanya. My powers, they’re not. They’re not what everyone thinks. I know things, because when I close my eyes at night I see things.”

That makes Vanya stop crying, just for a moment out of sheer confusion. “What?”

“I’ve known about you for a year. I know so many things. A lifetime of things. But none of that matters, because this, right here, right now? Changes everything. Do you understand?

“No!” Vanya bursts out, sounding angry. “No, I don’t understand!”

“I’m dying, Vanya.” Five says bluntly, which throws off Vanya’s anger like she’s been dunked in cold water. “I didn’t know. Not until today. This is the biggest change I’ve ever made, do you understand? I didn’t know. I need to leave. I need to - to reboot. I don’t belong to this timeline, not anymore. It’s rejecting me, unless I can reset myself. But if I do, where will I land?”

Vanya looks confused, and Five can’t blame her. He’s dropping a lot on her right now.

“Isn’t it funny?” Five’s smile is anything but cheerful, “Isn’t is cruel? If I want to survive, I have to jump. But if I jump, I can’t change anything. So you see? I have to try and change everything now. I have to trust.”

Five loves his siblings, but he’s never trusted them. Not really. Not with the important things. But now he has to. Has to take a, ha, leap of faith. 

“Five, talk sense.” Vanya demands.

And so Five tells her everything. He tells her about yesterday, about getting up from the dinner table, of jumping three times and ending up in the apocalypse. He tells her about the Commission, about Reginald’s death, about a man with two faces who convinced Vanya he loved her and turned her against them. He tells her about the end of the world.

Vanya is pale, and shaking. “I wouldn’t.” She whispers, “I wouldn’t.”

“You won’t.” Five says, “You were manipulated. It was planned, you were pushed. You were the weapon that was used to start the apocalypse, but you weren’t the shooter, Van. You’re my sister. I love you. I know you. You’re stronger than you know.”

“I’m not. Five, I’m not.”

“Look at me.” Five demands, getting get attention. “I’m right here. Telling you. I’m not in Luther’s room, asking him to keep an eye on you. I’m not in Allison’s room, telling her to use her powers to keep you in line. I’m not in Ben’s room, telling him the future. I’m talking to you. Vanya. My sister.”

“Five...” Vanya whispers.

“I’m a secret keeper, Vanya.” Five says, “I don’t trust. But I’m here, and I’m trusting you.”

“Why?” Vanya asks, a sensible question.

“You’re the only one I can. Luther and Diego are too hotheaded. Allison too vain. Ben too afraid, Klaus too fragile.” Five tells her as another tremor goes through his body. “I love you. I trust you. You’re going to save the world.”

“How?”

“You need to be careful. There are eyes on us. Watching. If we change too much, we risk everything. You need to be quiet, you need to be wary, you need to trust no one. Dad thinks he controls you entirely, he thinks he has you completely under his thumb. He doesn’t watch you the way he does the rest of us, which gives you a freedom none of the others have.”

Vanya shakes her head, “I don’t know, Five.”

“If you want to stop taking your pills, you can. You can sneak out. You can train by yourself, away from the cameras. If you’re careful, you can learn.” Five looks at her sympathetically, “But the thing about that power, is that you have to keep it secret. Dad kept you, when he thought he could control you. What would he do if he thought he couldn’t?”

Vanya lifts a hand to her mouth. She wants their father’s attention with same fierce heartbreaking way they all do, but she also knows him. He’s Reginald Hargreeves, and he’s drugged her for the entirety of his life in the name of control. He is the ultimate power in the household. Reginald doesn’t flinch at killing. They all know that.

“You have to be careful.” He tells Vanya, “You have to stay alive. You have to save Ben. You have to be smart, you have to be so smart, Van. And you have to do it alone, because I won’t be here.”

Vanya nods, quiet and solemn. 

Another shudder ripples through Five, this one hard enough to make him fell off the bed with a muffled shout. Vanya shoots to his side instantly, grabbing his arm and helping him up.

“You need to go, Five.” She says, frantic, “You need to go.”

“I don’t want to.” Five admits, “I don’t want to leave you alone. This is so much, Van. You shouldn’t have to do it alone.”

“I’m not alone.” Vanya tells him firmly, “I have you. And I’ll have you again, in seventeen years. It sounds like a long time, but that doesn’t matter. Because you’ll be alive. You’ve always been there for me, even when you didn’t know. Even when you thought I was ordinary. You’re the only person in the house who treats me like, like a person.”

“You’re my sister.” Five smiles, “I trust you.”

“Go, Five.” Vanya whispers, leading him to the window and hiking it up. Five appreciates the gesture, it’s always easier to jump when he knows where he’s going to land. “Go, and I’ll make sure you have a world to come back to.”

Five nods, and he’s crying a little as he pulls her into the tightest hug he can. She’s crying, too. 

And then he jumps, and he’s out on the street. He turns to look back up at the window, and there’s Vanya with a hand to her mouth but still watching him. He nods to her, and then he jumps.

---

He’s crying, as he jumps the first time, but it’s almost in relief. The way he changed the timeline - it hurts. It’s not a simple thing. The other timelines he altered, they aren’t nearly as big. By not going the day he should have, by telling Vanya and asking her to save the world...

He gouged out a timeline. He carved out a future from time itself to cast it aside. Not just a little one, not one that didn’t matter, not the future of something as small as a human life. He changed the future of the world.

But when he bathes himself in blue, it smoothes over the ragged gaping wound he put in himself. It takes away the pain, because time is... adaptable. It isn’t linear. It repairs itself, given the opportunity.

He jumps again, and the pain gets even better as time itself heals. As it accepts his actions, what can and will happen. 

He hesitates though, before the final jump. He never lived that first timeline. Not really. But he remembers it, which is nearly as bad. He remembers the hunger, sharp and painful. He remembers the grief. He remembers finding the bodies of his siblings, and not understanding what had happened. He remembers the apocalypse, in all of its gruesome glory. It’s never happened. It will never happen, because he trusts Vanya. But he remembers it, and so he hesitates.

But he trusts Vanya. He has to trust Vanya.

So he jumps, one final time, he jumps.

---

He stands on the street, and someone bumps into him from behind and mutters an apology, and Five is rooted to the ground. The world has not ended. He is on the street, in front of the manor, and he whirls around and looks up and a window and - 

Vanya isn’t there. Of course she isn’t. He never got a time he arrived in the future-that-wasn’t. She wouldn’t be able to just... stand at a window all day. That would be silly.

He has to find her. He doesn’t know where she is. Except - except he can hear something. Loud, raised voices. Familiar voices, even out here on the street.

The courtyard.

Five is exhausted. He’s healed, the timelines have smoothed over and stopped killing him, but he’s tired. But even so, he jumps. It’s nice to have a view of where he’s going, but he’s never needed that.

He jumps into the middle of - an argument. His entire family is there. Harold Jenkins is there, yelling something about the family not loving her, and Five freezes.

And everybody freezes. 

And then Vanya smiles at him and says, “Five. You made it.”

Harold Jenkins sputters, the rest of the family starts to shout, and in one smooth movement Vanya pulls something out of her jacket and turns around and - 

Harold Jenkins falls to the ground. Dead. The gun sits in Vanya’s hand, steady as anything.

“Shit!” Luther roars, but Five doesn’t care about that.

He’s already run into Vanya’s arms. She drops the gun on the ground and folds him against her and he’s crying and he isn’t quite sure why. “Shhh, sh. It’s over.” She soothes him, her hand carding through his hair, “It’s over. You did it, Five. You saved the world.”

“No,” Five manages to find his voice, “You did. And you did it alone. You must have been so so alone.”

Vanya laughs, squeezing him tighter, “Don’t worry. I’ve had a lot of practice at that.”

“What the actual fuck.” Ben says. Ben. Alive and wonderful and alive and Five draws back just to stare at him. “Five?”

“You killed a man!” Luther hollers, looking absolutely scandalized. He isn’t huge, isn’t wearing a trenchcoat. He looks... smaller, than Five remembers him being. More normal.

Klaus looks... normal. Well. He’s got what look like the tightest possible skinny jeans and a crop top and way too much eyeliner, but otherwise - he looks healthier, draped across Ben’s shoulder and staring at Five with wide eyes.

“Vanya?” Allison demands, and Five kind of wants to duck behind Vanya because his breath is coming a little bit fast and he feels a little bit dizzy, which is stupid because this is everything he ever wanted. Everything. His family, safe and sound and whole. 

Vanya smoothes her hand through Five’s hair again, and then looks around at their audience. “I think,” She says, and her voice is strong and sure and so very different from the Vanya Five knows, the one that whispers and tiptoes as quiet as a mouse, “We should take this conversation inside.”

And that’s how they all end up in the living room, squished onto the couches. Five is next to Vanya, he hasn’t let go of her arm.

“I think I should tell you about the night that Five went missing.” Vanya says finally, when they’re all settled.

“What about it?” Diego says gruffly, his arms crossed defensively across his chest. He also hasn’t taken his eyes off of Five.

“Five’s powers aren’t just jumping.” Vanya says, after looking at Five to get his nod. And doesn’t that comment set a fox among the chickens? There’s a solid five minutes of yelling before the family realizes that Vanya is patiently waiting for silence.

Vanya smiles and nods approvingly when they all settle down. Five wonders if she’s a kindergarten teacher or something in this timeline.

(He has to hold in another shudder at the thought, because he’s finally realized why his lungs feel so tight and he hasn’t really spoken yet. He’s terrified. He’s so used to knowing, and he’s just dropped himself in the middle of a giant mystery. He loved his siblings. He loved them in the timeline-that-wasn’t. He loves them now. But he doesn’t know them. He doesn’t know anything. And that terrifies him.

In their household, information was power. To not have any at all is... unthinkable. Horrifying. He’s so scared, he can barely breathe. But Vanya is holding him back, and she just saved the world, and he tries his best to trust her.)

“Five’s powers are to do with time. He saw the future, and he saw the end of the world, and he decided to stop it.” Vanya says finally, “And he told me how to do it.”

“Why is Five so quiet?” Allison demands, sounding worried. Five wonders if Claire exists in this universe. He mourns, just a tiny bit, for the niece he never met. 

Vanya squeezes Five a little, and looks at him with just as much worry in her eyes. “Five?”

And for some reason, the first thing that falls out of Five’s mouth is - “Dad’s dead?”

“Dead as a doornail.” Klaus confirms, and Ben nods.

“Really dead?” Five insists, and he’s not sure why, “You’re sure he’s dead?”

“Yes, Five.” Ben says, quietly. “He’s dead.”

Five looks up, and he finds Diego’s gaze and holds it, “If he knew, if he knew what I could do...” He sees the realization spark behind Diego’s eyes, “I saw it, when I thought I was going to tell him. I saw what he would do, if he knew.”

“So you kept it a secret.” Diego says softly. He’s not as hard as not-Five’s Diego, or at least not right now. He looks sympathetic, as Five nods carefully.

“Do you remember,” Five begins, pausing the clear his throat, “Do you remember that mission where I told Luther his plan was stupid?”

Luther’s eyes are wide when Five glances over at him.

But Five skips over Luther and looks at Klaus, “You could have died.” He tells his brother, and his voice shakes a little bit, and it’s terrifying to say these things out loud. Part of him expects his father to walk out from behind a door, having heard everything. “You would have died. Except you already died, the night before, when I was dreaming.”

“Five...” Klaus shakes his head, and Ben grabs Klaus’s arm tightly as if the lanky man will evaporate into thin air. 

“I for one want to know about the dead body in the courtyard.” Luther says, sounding a little shellshocked.

“He introduced himself as to me as Leonard Peabody.” Vanya picks up, “His real name is Harold Jenkins. He wanted to destroy the Umbrella Academy. He didn’t realize that he was actually priming a bomb.”

“A bomb?” Diego yelps, “What bomb?”

“Me.” Vanya says, smiling.

Everyone stares at her, and Five hits her on the arm. “You aren’t a bomb. You’re my sister.”

Vanya smiles at him, and tucks him firmer against his side. Two days ago, Five would have bristled and pushed her away. Today, Five’s entire world has been ripped away from him and he refuses to feel guilty for taking comfort where he can.

Five turns to glare at Luther, at Diego, at everyone. “You all died.” Five informs them, and he isn’t sure why he’s angry, “The whole world died. I don’t care about one murderer who hated us, who wanted us to suffer. He tried to use Vanya, and I’m glad he’s dead!”

Silence follows this declaration, and Five isn’t actually sure when he’d started yelling. Or when he’d started crying, actually. 

But there’s Vanya, and she’s there folding him back into her arms and letting him tuck his face into her neck as he sobs like the world ended. Except it hadn’t. It hadn’t.

“What’s wrong with him?” Klaus fails to whisper.

“It’s been a long day for him.” Vanya says, and Five is so tired. “He’s just helped pull off the biggest con of the century, and the fight isn’t over yet.”

“The commission.” Five whispers.

“Get some rest.” Vanya tells him, pushing at him until he’s paying down on the sofa with his head in her lap, “You’re practically falling asleep. We’re still going to be here after you get some sleep.”

“You promise?” Five asks, and maybe it’s childish but - he’s afraid. He’s afraid he’s going to open eyes and find out that this is just a dream again, that he’s going to have to do this all over again. 

“I promise.” Vanya says, smiling. “Have I ever broken a promise?”

And Five’s eyes are slipping shut, and the world has been spinning for a while, and he’s had a very very emotionally exhausting conversation with his sister, jumped in time three times, and then had a very emotional time reuniting with his family and watching his sister shoot a man. 

“Trust me.” Vanya says softly.

So he does.

---

“He’s so little.” Ben whispers, a solid five minutes after Five’s eyes slip shut.

“He’s thirteen.” Vanya tells them, carding her fingers through Five’s hair. “He’s thirteen, and he’s had the weight of the world on his shoulders.”

“Why didn’t he just tell us?” Allison asks.

Vanya just looks at Allison with sad eyes, “Why would he have? By staying quiet, he gave himself the power to act. By staying quiet, he protected himself.”

“He should have told us.” Luther states firmly.

“He was just a kid.” Vanya says, “He was just a kid, and he was scared. We all were. But he was more scared than anyone. You know the way Dad pitted us against one another. He loved us, but he didn’t trust us. Not when Dad was too smart and too cunning and too cruel.”

“Don’t talk about Dad like that.” Luther says quietly, and just shakes his head, “I know. I know. But - I know. But he’s still - he’s still Dad. I still - I know, but - ”

Luther has had a week, so Vanya forgives him. Finding out Dad was... Dad had been a bit of a shock to him.

“What now?” Ben asks.

“Now, I tell you about the Commission.” Vanya says serenely, “Now, we work together and make sure that the world stays whole. Now, we look after our brother.”

“If I remember anything about Five, that’s going to be a difficult job.” Klaus waves his hands a little but in emphasis. 

“Good thing he has all of us then, isn’t it?”

---

That’s it. That’s the au. Five’s time travel powers translate into seeing the future, and he uses it to give his sister a little trust and a lot of responsibility and manages to save the world

Vanya listens to her brother. She keeps her head down. She knows, with undeniable proof, that her family loves her. That at least one person trusts her. That at least one person believes in her. 

She is Vanya, with a mission. With the most important mission the Umbrella Academy had ever faced. Perhaps the most dangerous mission the Umbrella had ever faced. The scariest mission, because it’s an undercover one. 

It’s one where Vanya kept quiet, stayed silent, stayed under the radar. She hid pills under her tongue and left the mansion, going to the parks in the dead of night with her violin tucked under her chin trying to figure out a power she didn’t quite understand. 

Vanya saves Ben. She crept out, was in the right place at the right time. Blasted one man into a wall with the sound of gunshots rattling in her skull, and then went home and bit her knuckles until the whole team came home safe and sound.

She saves Luther. Luther was hurt, but he didn’t die. He wasn’t at the point their father tried an experimental drug on him. His knee might never recover. He might always walk with a limp. But he’s alive, and he doesn’t have to hide. Isn’t ashamed any time he looks in the mirror.

She saves Klaus. She gets him into rehab. She encourages Ben to check in on him. She keeps in touch with the both, makes sure Klaus has enough to eat and isn’t on the streets and that he’s happy and healthy and safe. 

She saves Allison. She doesn’t write her book, but she writes to Patrick. She talks to him, on the phone, and essentially gives him the shovel talk. She tells him that Allison has issues, she encourages them to get therapy. Couples therapy. Allison works on her issues at Patrick’s insistence. They still divorce, but it’s amiable this time around. 

She saves Diego, who in another world grieved Ben and pushed the rest of the family away. Diego is less angry. More solid. He dropped out of the police academy, but he co-owns a gym and boxes in his free time and he doesn’t live in a boiler room. 

She saves Five, who is so young and so frightened, who loves her enough to trust her. She saves him, by saving the world. Her brother, her wonderful brother who pulled the strings for so long and was terrified to stop. Who is thirteen years old and a child and it’s hard to believe that she was ever that young herself.

They have a lot to do still, of course. The Commission isn’t going to be happy, they’re going to be sending people. But they aren’t as broken. And they have a unifying force to help them along:

Five. Because he’s young, and tiny, and he reminds them of exactly what their father did to them in a way canon five just... doesn’t. Because canon!Five looks young, but they know he isn’t every time they interact with him. This Five is... he’s young. He’s scared. He’s angry. He’s grieving. 

He doesn’t know them, and he isn’t sure if he wants to. Isn’t sure if he wants to let go of the siblings he knew while wanting desperately to connect with the siblings of now. Because at the end of the day, he loves them.

And Vanya is independent, and more confident, and she hasn’t been on that numbing medication in years. She hasn’t been a mouse since she left her father’s house when she was eighteen. Her brother was gone, and she had to step into his role as puppetmaster. She had to pull strings, to keep her family alive, while never looking like she was. 

Vanya has waited seventeen years preparing. She has a two bedroom apartment, she moved most of Five’s things over there years ago. She’s ready to do what someone should have done all those years ago. She’s ready to take care of her brother, because she didn’t realize until she took the job just how much he had on his plate. 

The family has to band together to deal with the commission agents. But Vanya refuses to be a weapon. She refuses to be the bomb. She refuses to betray her family. 

Five chooses to trust, but Vanya is the one who steps up. Decides that even if she doesn’t care about the rest of the world, even if she doesn’t particularly care for half of her siblings, it doesn’t matter.

Vanya is going to save the world.