#and then that fucking heart fucking broke me because my dream self took it as fuck this is the moment it's finally happening

[twiensat]

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[damiansgoodgirll]

IM SAT FOR DONT BREAK MY HEART PART 5 🖤💖

part one, part two, part three, part four

damian priest x reader (platonic), rhea ripley x reader (platonic), the judgment day x reader (platonic), drew mcintyre x reader

‼️angst, crying, nightmares, flashbacks, panic attack, rhea gets violent, family issues, domestic violence, verbal violence, fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, reader being self conscious, a little longer than usual, SORRY IT’S ANGST DON’T READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE‼️

likes, comments and reblogs are always welcomed!

don’t break my heart - part 5

“stop that nonsense y/n” your mom laughed in the background while you were talking about your future with your father “you’re gonna be a doctor or a lawyer, maybe a teacher too, you’re gonna have a good education and find a job, you’re gonna find a good husband and you’re gonna give him the future he deserves for providing for you”

“what about the future i deserve? what about my plans? my dreams?” you screamed for the millionth time that day.

“the world isn’t made of dreams y/n. the world is made of fact and it pains me that you can’t get that into your silly brain” she laughed off “being a wrestler means not having a stable place to say, means travelling around the world and being always broke and your father and i can’t support you till you’re dead” she said, sitting in front of you at the kitchen table where you and your father were talking before.

“i don’t want you to support me forever! i’m not asking you to do that! i’m just asking you to be supportive of my dreams and-…”

“i said stop that fucking nonsense! you’re not going to be a wrestler! i don’t know who put that idea into your head but it’s never going to happen!” she screamed, slamming her hands on the table, making you flinch.

“dad please…” you didn’t want to sound weak, but your father took your side most of the times. except, not this one.

“your mom is right y/n, you need to open your eyes about the world we live in. it’s not made of rainbows and dreams. the faster you learn this, the sooner you’ll apply for college and get a degree and then a job, the happier everyone will be” he tried to be more gentle with you but still, he was siding with your mom and you couldn’t accept that.

“so what do you want me to do? settle for a life that i don’t want?” you asked, tears in your eyes.

“you wanna be a wrestler? then start training because those chocolate bars you hide in your room aren’t doing you any favour” she laughed making you look up at yourself in the mirror in front of the table “oh don’t be so focused on that y/n, you look good but you will look even more fabulous once you’ve got your first belt” she laughed, poking at you, making fun of you.

“mom!” you almost screamed “why are you being so mean?”

“i’m not being mean y/n. i’m just telling you the truth! imagine going out to the country club and telling our friends that our daughter is a wrestler” she joked with your dad, making him laugh “it’s gonna be so embarrassing”

“so this is what is about?” you couldn’t believe your ears “you’re embarrassed! you think i’m gonna make you look good because if i become a wrestler you couldn’t brag about how your daughter it’s better than your friends daughters! because everyone of them have their destiny written and they can’t say no! it’s because you couldn’t handle me choosing what makes me feel good because you didn’t have a choice!” you raised your voice, making both of your parents angry “you didn’t have a choice mom! but that doesn’t mean i can’t have mine!”

“y/n don’t fucking raise your voice at your mother!” your father screamed. you didn’t like when he screamed. he always turned to be violent at some point.

“i made my choice! i wanted to stay at home and being a housewife because that was what was better for this family! for us!” she spat back.

“no, you chose to be a housewife because you got knocked up” but before you could even say anything else, a loud slap echoed through the room. your father’s hand still too close on your face while your mother stood back.

“that’s enough! i told you millions of times that you don’t have to scream at me, or at your mother. now, you either apologise to us or you’re gonna be in big troubles” your father said but you were tired of being controlled by your parents. you were tired of being their toy. so you simply left and hid into your bedroom.

both of your parents follow you up on the stairs, trying to open your door “get this door open or i’m gonna break it y/n!” your dad screamed.

“i’m tired!” you screamed from the other side of the room “i’m so tired of you not listening to me! i’m so tired of you choosing for me! it’s my life and i wanna make my choices, i wanna make my mistakes and learn from them! you are my parents and you should be supporting me not pushing me down! this is my life and i wanna live it the way i want it! being a wrestler is all i want and you can’t keep this from me!” you were crying at this point, your voice cracking everytime you spoke.

your dad broke the door down, entering your room with your mom and start searching for something. when he found a backpack, he gave it to you “fill this with some clothes”

“what?” you asked in disbelief.

“don’t make me repeat things twice. fill this with your clothes, brushes, books, anything you might need, and do it quickly!” he screamed again making you jump “you wanna be a wrestler and yet you’re scared of people arguing” he laughed.

you did as he told you, not even caring what you were packing. once he was satisfied enough with how full your backpack was, he dragged you down the stairs and into the living room, your mom following behind “you wanna be a wrestler?” he asked, waiting for your response.

“more than anything in this world…”

he dragged you to the front door, opening and letting some of the rain wash the entry carpet “then go! go live your dream and don’t come back” he was pushing you out and you were trying your best to resist him but he was bigger and stronger so it took you no time to push you out and leave you in the pouring rain “you wanna be a wrestler? go! but don’t expect us to welcome you back once you miserably fail…”

“what? mom…mom, you can’t kick me out! this is my home…i…what am i supposed to…where am i supposed to go? mom please” you were crying, begging but they wouldn’t have mercy on you.

“i’m sorry y/n but you made your choice, we are letting you go as you wanted…” she wasn’t even upset about the whole situation.

“mom…dad, you can’t kick me out, please…it’s dark and cold and…and it’s raining and i don’t know where to go…”

“no wrestler, no failure will live under this roof” your father said, before closing the door right in front of your face.

you were left there, under the rain, with only a small backpack and big dreams in your hands.

your screams could be heard in the every room of the hotel but you couldn’t help them, not when you were dreaming, not when your dreams turned into flashback of the past, making you live a real nightmare all over again.

damian’s room was opposite to yours and rhea’s was just as next so it took them one second to run out of their rooms when they heard you screaming.

rhea opened your hotel room with a kick while damian turned on the lights. it was clear to them that you were still asleep and they didn’t want to scare you awake.

“what do we do?” rhea whispered to damian, who was clearly as worried as the woman.

“i don’t know…we should wake her up, gently…” he said. his heart broke when he saw your eyes closed as much as you could, like you were crying.

damian slowly walked towards your bed, his hand resting on your shoulder, gently moving it as he was whispering your name to wake you up “y/n…please hermosa, wake up” he whispered sitting next to you.

rhea sat on the edge of the bed. in case she needed to held you back. you had nightmares in your past and it wasn’t new to them but you never had nightmares this strong.

“y/n…” damian whispered again.

you felt him touching your shoulder, in your mind he was someone who wanted to hurt you so you woke up with a loud scream, trying to shove damian’s hand away.

“hey hey…it’s me y/n, it’s damian…” he talked softly, his voice low.

“please…please don’t hurt me, i promise i’ll be good, i’ll go to college but please don’t hit me again…” your held up your hands, shielding your face. you were visibly crying, still confused as you didn’t recognise that you were in a hotel room and not your house, that you were with damian and rhea and not your parents.

“hey mariposa…no one is going to hurt you…” damian soft voice spoke to you, bringing you back to reality. you slowly slowed your hands down, opening your eyes and meeting damian and rhea.

they both had a scared look on their faces. they didn’t know what to do.

“it’s me…it’s damian…” he wanted to wipe some of your tears away but when his hand tried to touch you, you flinched away, making him stop his movements.

“hey love…” rhea spoke to you, tears in her eyes “no one is going to hurt you, i promise you, no one’s here…”

“it felt real…” your broken voice spoke “like it was happening again…”

“can i touch you?” damian gently asked you and you nodded. he slowly opened his arms to let you rest on his chest, helping you calm down “deep breaths…deep breaths y/n…”

you tried to calm down as he instructed you to do, and after a few minutes your breathing became natural. tears were flowing down your face, you couldn’t stop them.

“i’m sorry if i woke you up” you apologised, feeling guilty.

“it’s okay love…” rhea softly smiled at you. they both were genuinely concerned.

“what happened y/n?” damian asked gently , not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

“i’ve had this flashback…of when, you know, they kicked me out…and this time it felt so real, like they were here again…like everything it was happening all over again just because she reminded me…” you still cried in damian’s arms.

“who reminded you? who’s she?” rhea asked, looking up at damian.

“liv…i saw her last night, in the reception hall and she said how much of a burden i’ve always been to the judgment day…she said that finn told her everything about my past, about me still being in therapy, about how finn was tired of me complaining and crying…she said awful things that made my flashbacks click in i guess…why would finn told her everything about my past? was i really a burden to him? to you?” you asked, looking up at damian with sad eyes.

“no, no, absolutely no. i told you y/n that you would never be a burden for us…i care about you so much and everything you went through is awful…but i promise you that we will always be here for you…” he delicately wiped your tears away and kissed your forehead.

rhea was fuming.

she couldn’t believe that finn would say something so delicate and private to liv. finn knew everything you went through and he was always there to support you and help you. finn was the one who insisted on you going to therapy and he was the one who would accompany you to the sessions every week. he would wait in the car for hours, but he would wait just to make sure you were okay. he never once left you going alone.

so rhea couldn’t understand why finn used everything about your past against you when he was the first person to come to the rescue when you were in a bad place with your mind.

“rhea?” damian called her when he saw her looking at the door.

“liv is dead. and finn’s too…” she said before moving out your room.

she started looking for the pair’s room. looking for liv first, she started banging on her door, not caring if it was three in the morning.

finn, who was on the next room, woke up when he heard the noise coming from outside “what is going on? what is this noise?”

rhea turned to face him, walking toward him.

“rhea what’s going on?” he asked but before he could continue, she punched him right in the face.

“you’re a fucking bastard!” she screamed, punching him again.

liv came out of the room, trying to separate rhea from liv.

“get your fucking hands off of me! you’re not better that him” she pushed liv away.

“rhea what’s going on?” finn asked, a little concerned from the whole situation.

“why would you tell her? y/n didn’t deserve that…finn, she cared about you, she cares about you, she admires you…why would you do that to her?” rhea kept screaming.

“rhea what?” finn then remembered telling liv about y/n’s past. he didn’t want to, he never meant to tell her but he was upset when you joined damian and rhea instead of joining him. so, that night, he told everything to liv, full of rage and anger, he never imagined liv would use this against you “rhea what happened?” he asked, a worried look on his face.

“she’s not feeling good, thanks to you…” rhea looked at both liv and finn “liv, you’re mad at me, you’re mad at the world, i get it, but don’t use someone’s past against them…you have no idea what she’s going through…” rhea said tired “you’re a woman, be more than this…”

in the meantime, you were sure your screamed woke everyone in the hotel. but rhea was making it worse, you could hear her from your room.

“damian…should we do something?” you asked, your head still resting on his shoulder..

“no, rhea will take care of this…i’ll stay here with you, close your eyes mariposa…you should rest a little” he whispered softly.

you nodded, too tired of answering. you were exhausted and waking up in the middle of the night after a big evening of working took a toll on you.

damian felt for you.

you didn’t deserve all of this. he knew that finn was mad with rhea and him so he couldn’t understand why would finn put you into this.

“is y/n okay?” finn asked to rhea, visibly worried.

“no she’s not, thanks to you…” she couldn’t even watch him in the eyes.

“rhea i - let me talk to her…” finn almost begged while liv watched from the side, realising that she might have overstepped and gone too far.

“absolutely not! you are no longer welcomed around her, not after you just put her through…she woke up crying, begging for us to stop hurt her…i don’t know what you told liv, but y/n is hurting right now and it’s all on you!” rhea said before leaving.

finn stood there, too stunned to speak.

dom heard everything from the other side of the door. he knew that if he got out he would cause more damage cause he also said some things about you to liv. and right now, he was feeling like shit.

finn was battling with himself. hating himself for hurting you.

“let’s go inside finn…” liv whispered but he shoved her away, wanting to escape from that moment.

rhea came back to damian and softly smiled when she saw you sleeping against his chest “should we stay here?” rhea asked, watching your figure as it was peacefully sleeping.

“i don’t think i can move rhea, she fell asleep on me” damian chuckled “you can go back to sleep rhea, i’ll stay here in case something happens” rhea nodded and left the room. she knew you were in good hands.

“what are you doing here?” you shockingly asked when you opened the door of your new florida home.

“it’s nice to see you too” your mom joked “won’t you let us in?”

“no…no i won’t, now get lost” you said trying to close the door but your father stopped you.

“that’s not nice y/n…we taught you better than this” he said and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“really? you fucking abandoned me!”

“we know” your mother said “and we came here to apologise”

“no, i don’t believe you” you scoffed “ there has to be another reason if you came here today. is it because of money? you need money? what do you need from me?”

“we…” your mother couldn’t lie “we have been watching you since you joined wwe” she said smiling, suddenly feeling like a proud mother “and we are so proud of what you accomplished”

“what do you want from me?” you asked again, getting irritated.

“listen we had some problems and we had to sell my car…” your mom said, quite ashamed of that “and we told everyone that we were actually fixing it but money are quite low and…”

“and? and you expect me to give you money because of? it’s gonna make you look bad at the country club or are you that broke that you are not even allowed at the club anymore?” you asked, already knowing the answer the moment neither of your parents answered you “like i thought…” you chuckled “listen to me you either go away or i’ll call the cops”

“are you threatening us, young girl?” your father asked looking angry as always, but this time you were a little less scared.

“no, this is a warning. i don’t wanna see you ever again or next time i’m filing for a restraining order…” you said closing the door right in front of their face just like they did with you.

you woke up again that night, the thoughts of your parents never leaving you.

damian sensed that you were awake but it was only 6 am, he knew you could sleep a couple of more hours so immediately he went on alert.

he looked down at you trying to see if you were crying, but he saw you were looking at the ceiling probably thinking of something or someone “hey…you okay?” he asked softly.

“uhm…yes…” you didn’t know what to answer.

“talk to me…” he whispered.

“they are still here somehow, i still feel their presence and i hate it…i hate them, and…and everything they put me through…but i feel them everywhere i go, everywhere i look, i can hear my mom saying how disappointed she is or my dad saying that if i don’t do well or if i fail i’m gonna be in big trouble…and i can’t do this anymore, i felt like i was doing good with therapy…i felt like i was starting to live again and then…then this shit with the team happens and i feel like i’m getting kicked out all over again…losing finn and dom hurts, i cared so much about them…” you didn’t want to cry again but you couldn’t stop a few tears that fell from your eyes.

“hey…just wanted to remind you that it’s okay to feel sadness, it's a natural part of life but please remember, you are not alone in this, i’m here for you, rhea too…you’re not alone in this journey, you are stronger than you think, and better days are just around the corner…i know this will pass, healing takes time, and i will always admire you for reaching out for help…and you are so brave and strong, i promise you we are with you all the way through this…we are so proud of you ” he told you, making you reach for that comfort you lost many years ago. it was the comforting voice of an adult, of someone who cared for you. it was the comforting words, the words that you begged your parents to say but never said.

and that comfort you found it again in damian’s embrace.

“go back to sleep y/n…you can sleep a couple of more hours and i promise you that i’ll be here once you wake up” he smiled, making a promise he wasn’t going to break.

the voices about a fight between the members of the judgment day flew quickly through the hotel walls. everyone woke up with the news of rhea attacking finn and liv but no one knew why. somehow they knew you were involved but they didn’t know why.

drew got worried when he didn’t see you in the gym. it was like an habituè, every hotel you were in, you were always hitting gym in the morning so he couldn’t understand why you weren’t there.

“shayna” he called when he saw the dark haired woman entering the gym “do you know where is y/n? or damian? or anyone from the judgment day ?”

“oh…you didn’t know?” she asked.

“know what?” he asked, a little worried.

“there was a fight between rhea and finn tonight, i think about y/n not feeling good or something, i really don’t know but punk said there was a lot of noise, especially from rhea screaming” she informed drew before starting her training.

drew was left there, speechless.

you were hurt?

he flew out of the gym and went towards your bedroom.

damian and rhea were both there, you were already awake but too tired to do anything. crying took a big toll on you. your eyes were heavy and red, your head was pounding heavily and you were tired.

you all heard a knock on your door and damian went in protective mode, fearing it would be finn as rhea went to open the door. she was met with a worry drew.

“drew” she whispered.

“is she okay? i’ve heard she wasn’t feeling good…” he asked, looking at the man who was shielding you.

“she is…but it’s not the right moment” rhea wasn’t stupid. she knew there was something between you two and even if she didn’t like it a little bit, she couldn’t help but be grateful that someone like drew was worrying about you.

“rhea who’s at the door?” you stood up, walking alongside with damian “oh…hi drew” you tiredly smiled at him.

“hey…” he smiled, observing your face. you were tired and it was clear to anyone that you had a rough night “can i please talk to you?” he asked and you nodded, smiling at him.

“guys…it’s fine i promise, i’ll let you know if it isn’t” you said, trying to let them go.

rhea nodded and damian smiled at you “we are one door away” you thanked them as they left.

you sat on your bed and drew followed you, his eyes never leaving your face. he was trying to see if there was something, anything that could tell him what was going on but he couldn’t find any sign.

“is everything okay? how’s your back?” you asked him. his heart melted, loving how caring you were even when it was clear that you were the one in pain.

“i’m okay…my back is okay, thank you” he smiled at you “what about you? you don’t look fine y/n” he said but you couldn’t find any words to explain what was going on.

after what happened with finn you didn’t know if you could trust him with something so delicate as your past. you knew he wasn’t finn but you’ve always valued the irish man like family, like someone who you could count on but after last night you didn’t know who to trust.

“talk to me…please” his eyes almost begging. he saw the redness around them, he knew you cried but he didn’t know why.

“it’s a long story and i’m sure you have more interesting things to do…” you smiled at him.

“i have all the time in the world for you, i wanna make sure you are okay, and clearly you’re hurting right now…” his clear eyes never leaving yours.

so you told him everything.

you told him about your family. how your dad was abusive and violent. how your mom used to make fun of you. how they never supported you. how they kicked you out when you were only a teen. how they threatened you and came back once you got famous. how you had to file a restraining order against them because they wouldn’t leave you alone. how, thanks to them, you’ve been doing therapy sessions for years. how you thought you found a new family in the judgment day. how broken you were when the team split up because to you was like living all that happened with your family all over again. how you trusted finn with your secrets and how he went and told everything to liv. how liv used it against you last night causing you the worst breakdown you’ve had in a long time.

drew was speechless. he couldn’t understand how your own family could turn their backs on you. you were their daughter and they were supposed to protect you. so he couldn’t really understand how some parents were capable of damaging their kid so much.

“and that’s it” you said, avoiding his eyes “pretty fucked up, isn’t it?” you tried to laugh but it was more of a sarcastic laugh.

“i’m so fucking sorry you had to go through all of this…there are no words to express how sorry i am, i can’t imagine what you had to deal with and i can’t imagine how painful it must have been and i swear finn is a dead man” drew said making you laugh, a genuine laugh.

“i think rhea took care of him already” you smiled.

“yeah, i heard” he laughed “but i want you to know that i’ll be here for you, what i said last night, i meant it…y/n i like you, i like all of you” he slowly reached your cheek with his hand, making sure he wasn’t overstepping “i like you when you go out in the ring and kick asses, i like you when you are just you, the normal you, i like you when you’re sad or happy, i like when you shy away from a compliment…i like you and i wanna be here for you, if you’ll let me”

and again, you weren’t good with words so you replicated the actions from last night. you moved closer to his body, your hands both around his neck while you moved closer to him. your lips meeting his in a delicate and gentle kiss, almost like saying “thank you”.

he smiled into the kiss, his hand resting on your cheek “thank you for trusting me with this y/n” he whispered before meeting your lips again.

there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. where you just tried to avoid drew’s eyes while his eyes couldn’t leave your face. he understood that you were a delicate person, who’s been through hell and more. and he promised to himself to never hurt you like your family did in the past. he wanted to see you smile every day, he wanted to be the reason for you to be happy, he wanted to be there for you so he made a promise to himself, he wouldn’t let anyone hurt you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PART 6

part 6 will be out after monday night raw cause i need ideas, let me know in the comments if you have any idea you would like me to add!

[heeliopheelia]

"i've missed you" (heeseung x reader)

genre: light angst, fluff word count: 1.3k requested by @probably-too-obssessed ♡

warnings: mentions of a break up, exes to lovers, crying

a/n: was the plan in my head perfect: yes. do i like the execution:... okay, ik this ain't technically a drabble but bear with me!! but anyways, we're officialy more than half done with the 1k event yayy!!

masterlist

Wiping the sleep out of your eyes, you make your way past the living room to answer the door. Knowing that only the closest people to you know the code to your apartment block's stairway, you can't help but worry as you approach the knocking on your door at such early hour. Has something happened? Did someone get hu-?

Suddenly more awake than a second before, you gape at ex-boyfriend in shock. Wide eyes scan his face, his brows slightly furrowed as he chews on his bottom lip, fingers twitching by his thighs. And you can't help but notice that he looks... the same. Yes, a little more mature now compared to the few years ago, features more defined than before but that's still most definitely Heeseung. Your Heeseung.

"What are you doing here?" You ask quietly, feet rooted into the floor as cold winter air sweeps from the stairway and engulfs your thinly-clothed body. You try to pretend that this sudden coolness is the cause of the shiver that runs down your spine but at the same time you know well that it's all because of Heeseung's relentless eyes placed on you.

"Hi," he breathes out and feels his heart coming up to his throat. Fuck, you're even prettier than he remembered. He clears his throat. "Can I come in?"

Somehow you muster the courage to nod your head and move back to open the door wider for him. As he sets his foot in your apartment, an instant wave of nostalgia and longing fills his heart to the brim and for the first time in three years Heeseung doesn't feel this void that's been constantly eating him from the inside. And it's all after spending only a minute with you again.

"I've missed you," he blurts out without wasting any more time, watching as your shoulders visibly tense. He takes a step closer and then one more, moving to stand right in front of you. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say it."

Pressing your lips together, you hide the trembling of your fingers by clenching them on the fabric of the shirt you've been sleeping in. His shirt which only now you seem to realize to be wearing and so does Heeseung as his eyes soften. And it makes him hope that maybe you too, after all this time, still keep a place in your heart for him.

Your heart pounds in your chest.

"You–," you stutter out, head full of running thoughts. Why is he here now? What's caused him to go against his manager and contract and show up at your door at 5 am? "Heeseung, where is this all coming from?"

"Ever since the night I broke up with you, there hasn't been a day without you on my mind." You can clearly see the distress and pain marring his soft features. "I'm sorry I fucked up, I never should've ended things with you back then."

And yes, you've missed him too. Yes, you've thought about him way too much for someone who's supposed to be over the relationship for at least two years now. But it's Heeseung after all. How does one simply move on from him?

But you keep a brave face and decide to be the more reasonable one out the two of you for once in your entire life. "There's nothing to apologize for, don't be ridiculous"

He scoffs, running his hand through his thick hair from frustration. "I was selfish. I dropped you for fame–"

"You left me for your dreams, Heeseung," you interrupt him with a scolding look. "And you did the right thing. I'd never want to be the one holding you back. Stop being so self-critical."

His eyes soften and he breathes out, all the tension leaving his body. "You could never hold me back, YN. I hate that only now I realized that you were the only thing that's kept me grounded. I'm no one without you."

Your heart stutters when his hands reach out and envelop your slightly trembling ones. "I don't know, Hee. There's just... There's so much happening right now, I can't think straight."

"I still love you." His words knock all the air out of your lungs and you swear you're falling. "After all this time, there's never been anyone else but you, love. I'd drop everything in an instant if you asked me to give my all to you right now. Everything loses its value when you're not there with me, I've learnt it the hard way."

"I–"

Your quiet stumbling gets cut off by his hands suddenly loosing their grip on yours. You watch as realization tinted with fear slowly creeps up on his beautiful face. All of sudden, Heeseung feels all of his muscles tensing as his heart drops down his chest, heavy and aching.

Already dreading your answer, he asks. "Do you... Do you have someone?"

"N-No!" You stutter out quickly, hands suddenly gaining a mind of their own as they desperately clutch on his again, heart wrenching as you already miss his touch even though he hasn't even fully pulled away. "I couldn't. Not after you."

"Then give us another try," he breathes out, chest feeling almost fifty pounds lighter at your quiet confession. His fingers quickly intertwine with yours as he pulls you closer with one tug. Your heart stalls when he leans down and starts kissing away the tears that you haven't even noticed started dropping down your cheeks. "All I want is you, YN. And there will never be anyone but you for me."

His lips trail down your cheeks, peppering kisses all over your jawline and chin and before you can even blink, your mouths are moving together in despair. The kiss is soaked and dripping with longing and love as you both pour all of the emotions from deep within into it. Even when your lips start to slightly burn from the saltiness of your tears and Heeseung's harsh sucks, you never even think of pulling away just for a second. It's only your muffled sob that makes the two of you part.

"I missed you so much," you cry out, trembling hand coming up to cover the bottom of your wet face. It doesn't take long for him to gently pull it away and bring it closer to him, pressing his warm lips to your knuckles. You sniffle, only to feel more tears following down your cheeks. "I've watched your every single performance, you know?" You chuckle shortly trough the sobs. The smile you sent him is wobbly and teary but so full of love it makes Heeseung feel the happiest he's been for the past couple years. "I'm so proud of you."

Your words impact him harder than he would ever admit, so before you can get the glimpse of his own eyes becoming glistening, he pulls you by your face and kisses you again, swallowing each one of your sobs and whimpers. Your hands tightly cling onto his hoodie as you find yourself becoming putty underneath his touch again. His slim fingers brush away the hair that got stuck onto your teary face, his caresses so gentle you can't help but feel your legs buckling slightly, so taking two steps backwards, you pull him on the couch along with you.

"I love you too," you whisper somewhere in between your ceasing cries and his kisses.

At that, Heeseung pulls himself up on his elbows to take in your pretty face. The face that he couldn't erase from his mind for all these years. The face that kept him awake every night until he passed out from exhaustion. The face that he loves more than anything else in this world.

And damn him if he ever found anything else that brought him as close to heaven as the sight of your swollen lips parted with a smile, blush spread over your cheeks as your eyes fill up with sparkles, looking at him as if he's collected all the stars from the sky and gave them to you. And fuck, if you really ever asked him to give you the entire moon itself, he knows that he would somehow find a way to make it happen. Because he would do absolutely anything and everything to make you happy. Even if it meant giving up his entire career – he will not make the same mistake twice and lose you again, now knowing that nothing is worth of the pain that being without you has put him through.

permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @satoruskitchenrag @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi

[cranberryjuice-posts]

Sarcastic lesbian! Man hating! Y/n if she was in tlou

Pairings - Abby X fem! reader, the Salt Lake City Crew X platonic reader

Tw - one of the comments makes a self harm joke

PT 1

———

Manny - hey is that your gun?

Y/n - no, it’s someone else’s gun I just happen to have it and use it and it also happens to be the one I normally use

Manny- …

Y/n - OF COURSE ITS M—

———

Leah - do you think there’s gonna be infected on this route

Y/n - were in the apocalypse, your gonna find infected outside!!

———

Abby - *hands y/n a Package from issac*

Y/n - I don’t want this shit, where the hell is my knife I need to cut it so we can match.

Abby - ??

Y/n - get it cause I’ve cut mysel—- *pretends to look intrested in whatever Issac gave you ignoring Abby’s face* “all right all right

———

Owen - *saying something stupid*

Y/n - hell.. is filled with people like you

———

Y/n - *walks into Abby’s apartment*

Abby - ??

Y/n - so apparently I’m fucking dramatic

———

Owen- y/n what the fuck! You broke my nose

Y/n - *sighs* men are such babies

———

Leah - *sees dead WLF members* OH MY GOD THEIR ALL DEAD!

Y/n - ARE THEY NOW?!

———

Abby - we need a new plan for this route

Y/n - I—

Abby - a good plan

Y/n - damn..

———

Owen - We’re being circled by infected!

Y/n - no we’re being squared — WE CAN SEE WERE BEING CIRCLED

———

Some WLF member - *telling you about some club their making.* and I—

Y/n - *making a sarcastic interested face*

Some WLF member - your being sarcastic

Y/n - *nods and leaves*

———

Mel - y/n you can’t say stuff like that to Owen

Y/n - ok but it was funny he got all in his feelings and took it to heart

———

Y/n - right because I would rather hangout with Danny than you

Abby- oh..

Y/n - I DIDNT MEAN IT 😭😭

———

Manny - *saying good bye to the group for a long assignment*

Y/n - right and if I say I’ll miss you do you promise not to come back

Manny - haha your funny

———

Mel - I really think owens gonna change especially for the baby

Nora - of course he will

Y/n - oh bless your poor delusional heart

———

Abby - *being pinned down by you* oh you think your Funny huh?

Y/n - nah i think I’m adorable

———

Owen - someones Moody

Y/n - someone needs to fuck off

———

Y/n - hey you were in my dream last night it was an—

Abby - no Nuh uh don’t freak me out

———

Alice - *barks for a few minutes at you*

Y/n - .. I think I just got cussed out

———

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfic - Beast

Words: 967

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Remus, for the third time that week, woke up drenched in sweat with his heart racing. The same dream. He transformed back into himself and found Sirius’ thoroughly mauled and mangled body before him. The part of his brain responsible for self-loathing was really kicking it up a notch lately.

He rolled over and just as he was about to open the curtains around his bed, Sirius peeked in from the other side, making him jump.

“Fucking hell, Padfoot!” He hissed, clutching his chest.

“Sorry!” He frowned, “Just came to see if you were ok.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Remus pulled the blanket up to cover him to his chin.

“You’ve been having nightmares again.” Sirius shrugged. “You talk during them, sometimes.”

“No, I don’t!” Remus wanted to crawl under his blanket and never come out. “Do I really?”

“Yeah. There’s been a few mentions of my name lately.” Sirius said carefully. “And you’ve been avoiding me.” Fuck. He should have known that Sirius would notice Remus pulling away.

“It’s… the wolf,” Remus said quietly.

Sirius looked over his shoulder. “Bathroom window.” Remus nodded and then got out of bed, pulling a jumper over his scarred torso.

They crept to the bathroom, Sirius cast a silencing spell and opened the window. It was wide enough for both of them to lean on the frame, shoulder to shoulder while taking in the clear sky. Sirius lit a cigarette and handed it to Remus, before lighting one for himself.

“It’s been the same dream, three times this week.” Remus paused to take a long drag, “I transform back into myself and you’re there on the floor in front of me, completely… I’ve killed you.”

Sirius looked at him, then pulled him into a hug. “That sounds horrible.” Remus nodded. “Have you seen Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep?”

“No. Didn’t want to bother her.” Remus muttered.

“Well, that’s where we’re going before breakfast.” Sirius let Remus go and went back to his cigarette. “Do you think you deserve to suffer or something?”

Remus choked, “What?”

“When your mood is low. Usually about a week before the moon… it’s not that you stop caring for yourself, but it’s like you believe that you don’t deserve to be happy. Like, you’ll feed yourself and shower and sleep, but that’s it. If you’re aching, you won’t take a pain potion, which, might I add, is literally what they’re for, Remus. If you have nightmares, you won’t talk to Pomfrey, fuck, you wouldn’t have talked to anybody if I hadn’t had… You deserve good things, Moony. I hate seeing you suffer.”

He sounded so raw and vulnerable that Remus didn’t know what to do with himself. “I think, when my body starts to hurt, or when I have these nightmares, or I can’t sleep, or whatever, it’s just a reminder that I’m not actually human. I’m a beast. Or a monster. And I always will be. In that moment, I don’t feel like I deserve any relief. I know that’s not what you want to hear, sorry.”

When Sirius turned to him again, he looked so sad and Remus’ heart broke a little bit. “You deserve the world, Moons. You are a good person, you deserve to not be in pain, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved,” Ok, where did that come from? “You deserve everything. Do you not see that having these dreams isn’t because you’re a beast or a monster, but it’s because you’re terrified of hurting people? Of hurting me. How can that make you a monster?”

Remus threw what was left of his cigarette out of the window and stared at his friend. He took in the crease between his eyebrows, the dark circles under his eyes, the starting of stubble across his jaw. Even when he was distressed, he was so beautiful.

“Thank you.” He said eventually. “I hadn’t really considered that.” Sirius nodded, “I don’t know that I believe it, but I want to. That’s a start, right?”

“Yeah,” Sirius smiled sadly, “It’s something.”

“Did I wake you up?” Remus didn’t know what time it was.

Sirius frowned, “Yeah, but I don’t mind.”

“I mind!” Remus hissed, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for! For fuck’s sake, Remus!” He was glad that he’d cast a silencing charm because the volume at which he'd shouted would definitely have woken James and Pete. Remus froze. “Can you just let me take care of you for one night without apologising? Let me love you, you unbelievable prick!”

They were silent for a while. Remus’ mouth had dropped open and he continued to stare, and Sirius had gone back to looking out of the window.

“Pads, I—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said in a low voice. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“But, would you let me love you?” Remus almost whispered. “Not to be self-deprecating and all that shit again, but do you understand what loving me entails?”

“I’ve loved you for a long fucking time. Of course, I do.” Sirius snapped. “I don’t care about whatever people are going to say. I care about you.”

“Well, I love you… so… there’s that.” Remus’ neck was bright pink, and it caught Sirius by surprise. “I think the nightmares… It was only ever you, never James, Pete or Lily. It’s what would hurt me the most.”

“Well, all the more reason for dreamless sleep then.” Sirius looked at him with a slight smile.

“Would you be mad if I told you I have a bottle in my drawer?”

“I’d be absolutely furious. Now, let’s go back to bed.” He grabbed Remus’ hand and led him back to his bed, grabbing the potion from the drawer before he slid under Remus’ blanket.

[holylulusworld]

The one that got away (5)

Summary: Your best friend breaks your heart.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, past unrequited feelings, regret, reunion, naughty Dean, implied innocent reader, possessive Dean, tension, unresolved feelings, idiots in love

Catch up here: The one that got away (4)

The one that got away masterlist

Dean reluctantly said goodbye that night. You didn’t go home with him, nor did you take him home. It was too soon, and you weren’t ready to forgive him yet.

He used to be your best friend but broke your heart to not admit his feelings. So many years later he expected you to just cave in and forgive him.

You’re not cruel, or stubborn. Dean simply didn’t understand that your heart was still aching any time you think about the words he said, and how he turned his back on you.

If he loved you so much – why did he never try to contact you before he crashed into your life not twenty-four hours ago?

The feelings for him are still strong, and it felt like a dream come true when he walked back into your life. Still, he cannot talk you into having sex with him only because he took a job offer in the same town.

“Not again,” you curse under your breath. All you asked him to do is give you time and space. But no. Dean is calling you for what feels like the hundredth time today. “Leave me alone, Dean Winchester. You cocky sonofabitch!”

You refuse to take the call and shut your phone off. If he wants to talk to you, Dean must come to you, and offer redemption, and a better explanation than being a stupid boy.

He’s a man for a few years and never tried to make amends. Dean cannot come back and believe everything will go back to normal.

“Sweetheart, I know you are at home,” Dean knocks again. He calls your name and offers pie and booze if you open the door. “Y/N, I came to check on you! Are you alright? Are you still alive? You didn’t answer my calls.”

“For fuck’s sake, Winchester,” you rip the door open to glare at Dean. “It’s Sunday morning but thanks to you I’m wide awake. What is wrong with you? Can you not get a message? I didn’t want to talk to you.”

“There she is,” he grins and invades your home. Dean kicks your door shut with his boot and pushes the flowers he stole from your neighbor’s garden into your hands. “Greetings from your asshole neighbor. Man, he didn’t take it lightly that I picked a few of his flowers.”

“Winchester, are you fucking insane? You can’t just steal flowers from my neighbor’s garden! Do you have no shame or manners?”

“I needed some flowers, and the old geezer had more than enough,” he has the guts to shrug. “Do you like them?” Dean grins. “I know you like them.”

“Not if you stole them,” you grunt. “Dean, what do you want from me? I asked you to give me space and time to think about a few things. Now you are here and want what?”

“Y/N,” he sighs deeply and shrugs again. “I have waited for so long to find you again, and now, I can’t get you out of my head.” Dean steps closer to poke your upper arm. “Come on, let’s be crazy and have beer and pie for breakfast.”

“You’re crazy if you believe I’ll eat pie for breakfast.”

“Well then, invite me for breakfast and lunch. We can put the pie in the fridge and eat it later. I’ll pay for dinner tonight.”

Goddamn that man. He’s cocky and self-confident. Dean looks at you, using the puppy dog look he learned from his younger brother to make your resolve grumble.

“Dean, you can’t come here and—” you grunt as he presses his index finger against your lips. You bite his finger, making Dean yelp.

“Hey! Save the biting for the bedroom.” You blink at his words. “I…uh-I meant you shouldn’t bite a man’s finger for no reason.”

You purse your lips, and snicker. “I didn’t ask you to put your finger in my face. If you push your finger into my face, I’ll bite you!”

His features darken for a split second. He hums and lazily licks his lower lip. “What if I push something else in your face?”

“What? DEAN WINCHESTER! You pervert.”

Oh, that smirk grows, and he gives you a wink. “I was talking about my lips, sweetheart. What did you think I meant?” He acts innocently. Dean is a wolf hiding behind his pretty façade. If you don’t want out, you end up devoured by him.

“I know exactly what you mean, Dean!”

“Hmm…” he purses his lips. “So…” Dean dips his head to glance at the pie. “Pie for breakfast – yes or no.”

This time, you sigh. “Fine, we can have breakfast together. But nothing else.”

“Breakfast is the most important meal, Y/N,” he says. “Maybe I’ll get a nice dessert?” He drops his eyes to your lower half. “Yeah, that would be great…”

Part 6

Tags in reblog.

[doiesfav]

=͟͟͞♡Boost your Energy - NCT DREAM ||

''INTO THE NEOVERSE''

MASTERLIST

CHARACTER MENU

Plot: After buying a video game in a not-so-safe vending machine while walking down the streets, you find yourself inside the video game itself and you need to search the way back to the real life.

A/n: This series is only one story but you can choose the member you will end up with (I don't guarantee that all the members are getting a happy ending)

banners and dividers are self-made

''Alright I'm leaving I can't do this anymore'' Your boyfriend said, well now ex-boyfriend. ''Do whatever the fuck you want but don't dare to come back you fucking asshole'' You screamed before the door closed, and there was silence. Something you two never had, a moment of silence except this time it was only you.

You guys were always fighting and it took you very long to realize it was toxic. Your mind was at peace but your heart was a mix of happiness, sadness, and angryness. All the memories you two cherished are now gone, now you two will never see each other again, never cook together, never sing together, and never play video games together. It was all gone.

You wondered if he was feeling like this too, but you were too busy already thinking trying to relax yourself. ''I should probably go out for a walk'' You thought. Since you guys started fighting more frequently, you always went out for a walk and there's no exception right now.

You were walking down the streets at night, today the stars were visible which was weird since you lived in a big city. Some cats were passing by but all you could feel is loneliness around you, this unexplainable feeling that someone who is depressed wants to be free of. ''But some people have it worse, I don't deserve to feel like this because of a breakup'', and the inferiority complex hits. You should feel happy but you didn't.

You just needed a hug, ''how long has it been since someone gave me a sincere hug?'' You wondered, then you couldn't take it anymore and broke to cry sliding down a wall to sit on the ground, ''Buy me something and I'll give you a better life'' A robotic voice made you startled, it was scary because no one else was near you and didn't know where the AI voice came from.

But then you find a weird colorful vending machine just next to you. It didn't sell snacks, instead, it sold weird energy drinks with a videogame, next to it there was a poster saying ''Drink only ONE energy drink before playing the videogame!!'' You've never heard of a game called NEOVERSE before considering you loved playing videogames.

''Weird'' Everything was weird today, since when vending machines are that colorful and sold videogames. ''Is someone here?'' You asked but no one answered, it felt very scary but giving you a better life? You just wanted some comfort and would do anything for it at that moment. The vending machine was shining a lot and it kinda made a signal to hurry up and without noticing my hands went to my pocket to search for coins.

You were desperate for comfort and weren't in your right mind, breaking the rule of making harsh decisions when feeling desperate. You tried to buy the video game because of how cheap it was but it didn't let you, ''Please buy one energy drink before buying the videogame'' That robotic voice spoke again, ''Hello?'' No one answered as you expected. Hoping that you still had some coins, you did and wondered which one you could buy, every drink was different and said different things.

''Please choose your beverage''

-> Press Start - Mark (TBA)

-> Arcade Racer - Renjun (TBA)

-> Loco - Jeno (TBA)

-> Level Up! - Haechan (TBA)

-> The Pink One - Jaemin (TBA)

-> 2127 - Chenle (TBA)

-> Mess, chaos, and disorder - Jisung (TBA)

Thanks for all the support guys. (This series will take a lot of time so please be patient and understanding♡♡) side note: i didnt even start with any members😭

[razorsadness]

Jessie Lynn McMains, from Reckless Chants #25: dear you (August 2019)

[text version under cut]

dear xxx—

David Berman is dead & I'm fucking sad. sad about Toni Morrison too of course but I already said my piece on that & anyway she was 88. David was only 52. not much older than my partner. & god damn it when you've lived a life like mine the words of white sadboy poet/singer-songwriters mean just as much to you as (if not in some ways more than) the greatest writers of our time, of any race or gender. cuz I grew up on that indie-punk shit. cuz I'm a sad whiteboy sometimes, too. cuz Toni Morrison was a great novelist but Silver Jews lyrics had more of an influence on my own writing.

like "We Are Real," where D.B. wrote:

Repair is the dream of the broken thing Like a message broadcast on an overpass All my favorite singers couldn't sing

like "Tennessee," when he sang:

Punk rock died when the first kid said "Punk's not dead, punk's not dead"

like how I cry harder when my punk/music icons die than I can imagine crying for almost any established writer. Lorna Doom died the day before Mary Oliver died, then the next day Debi Martini died & I was more brokenhearted about Lorna & Debi than Mary. cuz Mary was 83 & Lorna & Debi were younger. cuz it felt like I should tattoo Punk Is Dead on my forehead & slamdance on its grave. cuz Mary Oliver's poetry meant a lot to me but it didn't explode my fucking world like the Germs LP did. I don't know how to explain this. If you know, you know. David Berman died & I'm devastated.

I was devastated in December, when Pete Shelley died, & I'm still not over it if I think about it too much. I was in my car, on the way to pick my oldest kid up from school, & the DJ's voice on my favorite radio station broke thru my afternoon motion-induced reverie. breaking news; that's never good. Pete Shelley has died from a heart attack, he said, & played "Ever Fallen in Love." & I cried, of course I did. it hurt to lose one of punk's great songwriters, one of punk's great frontmen, who took his stage name from a Romantic poet & wrote songs that showed me it was okay to be myself, that there were other people out there like me. showed me it was okay to be a hypersexual bisexual, an "Orgasm Addict;" that I could be a punk & also be a hopelessly romantic lovesick dork. & it hurt to lose him because his kindness meant a lot to me when I was young—yeah, I knew Pete; we weren't close friends but we'd met, & he was sweet & funny & irreverent. I cried for him & I cried for the kid I was when I met him, the kid I was back when I first heard the Buzzcocks—back when I was a teenage misfit always falling in love with people I shouldn't have.

but the day after Pete died was Tom Waits' birthday, & I used it as an excuse to partake in some nostalgic pleasures; to be my old self if only for an hour or two. or as much my old self as I can still be. I went to the Douglas Avenue Diner for lunch, with my youngest kiddo as my date. I thought of xxx. I always miss her most in November & December. & diners make me think of her, & Tom Waits makes me think of her, & the death of old punks makes me think of her. everything reminds me of her. I thought of Hearts Don't Break, the novella I wrote in '02/'03, which was heavily based on our friendship; thought of my description of 'the coffee-stained comfort of our favorite diner.' different diner, different city, different year, but it was comforting to be there. they were playing Xmas carols & the patrons were an equal mix of punks & old folks. Greek-American-owned diners like Douglas Ave. make me the most nostalgic, as those are the diners I grew up going to—there are so many of them in the Midwest. I thought of the Alps East in Chicago, the diner I haunted as a broke college student; how I'd go there & order a cup of soup & a bottomless coffee & sit for hours eavesdropping on other patrons, getting ideas for short stories. I thought of the diners in Kenosha, going to them with xxxxx back when we were dating, sharing an order of spanikopita & a side of rice pilaf. after I left the diner that day, I mailed out a bunch of zines & chapbooks & that, too, was the same as it ever was.

& now another hero is dead & I'm finishing the first full issue of my zine in over two years, thinking about who I was back when I listened to the Silver Jews a lot. that terrible summer of '03, summer of nervous breakdowns & strep throat, too much rum & whiskey, & my lovers all dropping me. summer of pirates & pills; photocopied midnights. now it's the summer of '19 & I'm here writing & thinking of everything that's gone. favorite places, people, zines, scenes. I miss everything all the time. same as it ever was.

[pinksirensong]

LOVE OF THE ENDLESS (IV)

Warning: suggestive theme

She could feel his anger before even seeing him. Y/N knew eventually one of her siblings would find her, but never once she thought that it would be Dream of Endless and especially not in this position. Her kiss with Jake was far from innocent, his hands were roaming around the bottom of her body squeezing her butt and making her moan. When Love opened her eyes and saw him, she could see clearly his anger but also a sadness in his eyes, but she couldn’t care less about it for he never cared about her.

- Are you alright, my moon? – he asked after they separated, that man could read her like an open book.

- Yes, of course. It’s just that…

- Y/N! – hearing his voice made not only her but also Jake turn to him. Dream looked exactly like she remembers, as handsome as before but not his cold self. If looks could kill, Jake would be long dead, and the poor man wouldn’t even know why.

- Who is that? – your boyfriend asked.

- I am her lo…

- Brother! He is my younger brother, Morpheus. You already met my twin Des, but there are like another five siblings left so… - she couldn’t believe Dream was about to call her his lover, after everything he did and all the time it took for her to get over him. The nerve he had to even show up here. She turned her body to face her true lover. – I’m so sorry, I don’t really talk to my family aside from Des.

- It’s okay, sweetheart. You’ve already met most of my huge family. – oh yeah, the Australian man had so many family members that if it was anybody else probably wouldn’t remember half of them. All of them were sweet, especially his mother who just loved her. – Nice to meet you, bro. I’m Jake, Y/N’s boyfriend. – he said that with a smile on his lips, proud to be able to call her that and Love always wanted that, she always wanted what Jake gave to her every day.

- Honey, would you mind going ahead? I would like to catch up with my brother.

- Sure, I’ll see at work tonight. – he gave her one last kiss, both ignoring completely the presence of Dream there. After it he said goodbye and left, leaving Love and her brother alone.

- What the fuck are you doing here? I’m not even going to ask how you found me, because I’m pretty sure Destiny had something to do with it. – she was furious with her twin, how could he betray her like that and without a warning.

- Who is he?

- Excuse me?

- Who. Is. He. – Dream of Endless wasn’t up for any games, he came for her, and that situation wasn’t what he was expecting.

- As Jake already told you, he is my boyfriend. In case you don’t know what that is, because you’ve been away for some time, he is my significant other. Did Destiny send you here? I know he is pissed about it, but I already explained that I’m breaking no rules here.

- You cannot be with him, Y/N.

- Oh, but I can. – while Love thought he was talking about the fact an Endless couldn’t be with a mortal, in Dream’s mind that didn’t even cross his mind, he only worried about that boy who had his hands on what was his. – Tell our brother that if he’s going to be this way, I’m gonna vanish from his life too.

- Destiny had nothing to do with it. We must talk.

- We are talking, brother.

- Alone! – he took hold of her wrists and a second later they were at his throne room at the Dreaming.

- How…How dare you? You have no right taking me like that!

- You ask how dare I? I should be the one asking how dare you, Love of the Endless, form a…a…relationship with that mortal. – at each step he gave forward she went backward until her legs collided with his throne. – For a century all I could think about was you, when I saw your dove with Jessamy it brough me hope. Hope that someone cared enough to look for me. Your dove tried to free me and had the same destiny as my raven, and thinking about how much pain that would cause you broke my heart. And then...then you freed me, Y/N. I know it was you. I saw it in his eyes, I could feel your presence. After recovering my tools and dealing with a Vortex I was determined to find you, but Destiny came to me first and told me everything.

- What are you talking about, brother? – she couldn’t look at him, deep down she knew what it was.

- About the thread, your thread…our thread. Why have you never told me about it?

- Because it wouldn’t matter! Because for you I’ve always been someone that you desire but never loved, a body to satisfy your needs and left right after. You excused your behaviour saying it was wrong for we are brother and sister, but that is the truth and I’m tired of it. – Love fought back the tears that were trying to fall from her eyes. – Nada, Calliope, that other fae and so many others that you always put before me and yet I was the one you went at night to whisper sweet things and making me moan and scream while our bodies joined each other. For too long I let myself be satisfied with this, but not anymore. Never again, now I’m going to deal with things my way. Jake’s thread is dead, I can tangle his with mine and we can be happy.

- You will not do such a thing. – holding her left arm he pulled her up and towards him. – I know that before I was awful and that you deserved better. I am different now, there is no fear and no shame. Y/N, my love, I do not care if you are my sister, even before knowing the truth I was already set on making things right between us. That mortal is a mere distraction. – after thousands of years apart he couldn’t control himself anymore, using his hand to pull her by her neck, Morpheus finally kissed her. It took Y/N by surprise and at first, she did nothing but stand there, but soon it was like her body was on automatic mode and she parted her lips to let his tongue inside. Their bodies were like on fire, their tongues fighting over dominance exploring each other’s mouth, they were starved for too long and nothing, but this could ever satiate them.

Y/N tried to tell herself it was wrong, it shouldn’t be happening, but her body, and most important her soul, didn’t think that way. Using his strength Morpheus pulled her up and Y/N took advantage to put her legs around him holding herself against him, that movement alone made the king moan in pleasure. Neither knew who did what, but soon the upside part of her dress was down, exposing her breasts to him, while his shirt was throw somewhere across the room. Her hands roamed at his back scratching some parts with her nails, their kiss was as endless as they were. Y/N let out a whine when she felt his cold hands grabbing her boobs and squeezing them, but although she felt an enormous pleasure from it, that was also what woke her up to the situation. Finally regaining some conscious, Love pushed him away planting her feet on the ground and putting back the part of the dress that exposed too much of her.

- This was a mistake. – she heard this so many times, yet it was her first time saying it. – Jake is the solution, you just have to stay away. Please, stay away. He’s good for me, he loves me! – she distanced herself from him, she had to. - Can’t you see? This is our only chance, we can finally be free of this…of us. You have to let me go, so we can be what you always wanted us to be…brother and sister.

- Y/N, please just…

- Goodbye, brother. – without giving him a chance to say anything, she used her powers to come back to the waking world, to the life she fought so much to have.

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 tag list: @the-ruler-of-death @mrs-captainsteverogers @jesllianaquilesrolon @igotanidea @intothesoul @hedwigprewett12 @queenshelby @mattmurdockmylove @boofy1998 @andieperrie18 @formenis @violet-19999

[kaiispost]

hey, i hope you are having a great day i was thinking about a angst to fluff with Neymar x make reader.

have a lovely rest of your day 🫶🏻

Neymar jr x male reader

!!Important!!

Note: terrible as always </3 this might’ve been a vent post… sorry and i know i said i was taking a break but yeah, I obviously can’t even take a one day break😹

Warnings: Angst, no fluff yet. Mentions of trauma.

Instead of y/n i used jack.

————

Why? Pt. 1

Jack’s pov:

It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It was just a dream right?

I woke up shaking and full of sweat. I looked to my right and saw Neymar sleeping, but I didn’t want to wake him so i went to our bathroom.

I turned the lights on. *click* i looked at my self with my mouth wide open. I suddenly start to think about what i was dreaming. I start to tear up again.

“Go to sleep.” I hear Neymar say in a deep voice. I turn to look at the door opening.

“I- I’m sorry for waking you up.” My voice was on the verge of break, my body was really weak.

“Right, stop being dramatic.” Did i hear him right? I was still dreaming, right. I pinch my self. Nope definitely not dream.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” I say in absolute disbelief. I was completely bamboozled.

“You heard me, go to sleep and stop being dramatic!” He said half screaming. Why was he so mad.

“Heck no! You didn’t even ask me why I’m awake.” I snapped back at him. Absolutely furious.

“Ugh, your so difficult to deal with. Why are you awake?” He said with a nasty tone of sarcasm.

“Well since you asked. I might’ve had a dream where i was young again.” I told him.

“Why is that a reason your awake? You woke me up for nothing!” He half screamed at me again.

“Maybe because i was severely abused? Maybe the fact that i had to raise my self? Maybe because i was kicked out of my house when I was 12?!” I say matching his energy, knowing damn well I could take him. Being taller than him sometimes had it’s down sides, but for situations like this it was perfect.

“Oh…” that’s all he said. That’s all he said.

“Really? Oh? Boy please.” I angrily walk past him, making our shoulders hit each other. I was seeing red. I stormed out the room, with tears in my eyes. I knew damn well he did not think he had the audacity to be saying things like that to me.

Neymar’s pov:

I fucked up, but I didn’t mean it.

“Jack!” I yelled after him. No answer. I knew where he went. He always went there when he was feeling a overload of any kind of emotion. His office. Since our house was kinda big and the office was at the exact opposite of our house I knew it would take me awhile.

It took me a whole four minutes of walking. I looked at the door. Seeing as it was locked, I knew I was right.

“Jack?” I asked and knocked. No answer, not surprisingly.

“Jack please open up.” Again no answer. Mt mind immediately went where it shouldn’t have gone. I immediately started knocking harder.

“Jack? Jack? Jack! Jack please answer! Please answer so I know you didn’t do anything bad!” I scream with tears in my eyes now as well.

“What would you care?” I heard a weak voice say.

I slid with my back on the door to the floor. “I would care so so much. Please?” I said tears running down my cheeks.

“Fine.” I heard his voice break, I immediately stood up. The door slowly opened. I see im, i hugged him without thinking.

“I’m so so so so sorry Jack.” We both cried in each other’s shoulders. “You have every right to be livid, if yo-” before I could finish my sentence.

“Stop this, you don’t even mean it. You just say this do you can get sum out of me. I know how this will end.” He interrupts me, and the hug. I know he thinks this because of previous relationships.

“Wait, you know I’ll never do that.” I tell him with more tears rolling out of my eyes.

“Do i? Do you? I also thought we would never have to be in a situation like this, but here we are.” He was also crying. It broke my heart, to see him like this.

“Baby please i-”

“Don’t call me baby, Neymar” I haven’t heard my name out of his mouth in a long time.

“Please, don’t do this. It was a mistake, i was tired, i am tired.” I said with a broken voice.

“You being tired can’t be an excuse to say something like that.” He said with an even weaker voice.

“I know, and I really regret what i said. Please Jack.” At this point i was fully sobbing, and I barely even cry wich he knew.

“Please don’t cry Neymar, please?” He asked me. He hugged me.

“I’m so sorry, im so sorry. Please Jack?” I basically begged him.

“I know, and I’m sorry that it has to be like this.”

“Wait your not leaving me right.” I ask him.

“I’m sorry but I have no choice.” He sobbed when he stood up. I just looked at him while he walked away.

“Jack! Jack please don’t do this.” I shout. I decided to walk after him. He walks in our room, locking the door right in front of me. “Please Jack, please don’t leave me. Please.” I sink in the ground.

Jack’s pov:

It breaks my heart to hear him crying like that, but i just can’t take this. I pack some clothes and grab my phone from the counter. I’m scared to open the door again but i have no choice.

As i open the door, i see Neymar crying on the floor.

“você é tudo pra mim!” I hear him sob after me. He couldn’t see my face but i was sobbing as well.[you are everything to me]

“Goodbye, Neymar” I cry out. I get in my car as fast as possible and drive away.

————

Y’all want a part two????

[mattphobiia]

OPPOSITES ATTRACT 4.

chris and i have definitely done a lot of talking, and although we still have our bullying moments, we act slightly civil to each other more and i think i like it this way. no matter what i do to distract myself, i always seem to think about that one day where chris had tears in his eyes, and it broke my heart to see him so upset. i didn't even mean to, we've always been "enemies" so why would it affect him that much? i didn't have a clue what was going on so ive had conversations with matt and nick to see if they had any idea of what could've been going on, but they just about knew the same information as me. he had always hated me as much as i hated him, i think. what was different now?

in this current moment, matt and nick were chilling on instagram with some supporters while chris and i were in his room watching youtube. like last time, he still laid his head on my chest practically trying to get as close to me as he physically could. the confusing part about this situation was that i didn't even mind he was doing this, it felt strange at first but some part felt oddly comforting.

"can... we talk?" chris speaks up, lifting his head before sitting up properly while waiting for my response. i nod my head in response before i sit up. "i think i like you, i don't even know how."

"oh?"

"im sorry if this feels weird because we've hated each other for so long, but after that night we kissed i just couldn't stop thinking about how i felt in that moment."

i begin to smile as i reach out to hold his hand. "well, opposites attract you know, why not give this a go?"

"im just not sure, it just feels so strange to me and ive never felt this way before." he sighs. "-but, i would like to try this out."

"okay, well we can take things slowly, right?" i suggest, and his facial expression seems to light up at the thought.

"mhm." he murmurs tiredly before leaning closer towards me and giving me a soft kiss on my cheek, making my heart fucking leave my body.

i could've sworn that if i didn't have any self respect, i would've pounced on this man and done the most questionable things to him possible, but i try to calm myself down.

"your face is turning red, you like that?" he smirks before i hide my face into my hands trying to hide my big smile, making him laugh as he took my hands away and held my face gently. "dont get shy, its okay."

"stop, you're turning me on chris."

"how cute, are you seriously getting worked up over something so little?" he cooed, making my burn a light shade of red as i hit his arm. "well that was rude."

"don't care." i reply with no emotion, biting my cheek to stop my smile forming, until he jumped onto me and pinned my arms behind my head, his face inches away from mine.

"do you care now?" he whispers, our noses now touching together as i felt my heart pounding in my chest so much i could basically hear it.

"stop asking so many questions." i say, pressing my lips against his before feeling his warm breath on my face as he leaned into the kiss.

it felt surreal, almost euphoric. it felt like that first time you ever experienced lucid dreaming. nothing about this kiss felt real, but it felt like the best thing in my life i have ever gone through, and every part of his bullshit i had to deal with before this current moment was all worth it. it wasn't a sexual kiss like the ones you have as a build up before you have sex, but it felt sweet and genuine, almost sensual. he broke away before his face was back to being close with mine, the both of us just admiring our faces in silence before he lets out a little giggle.

"can i be your boyfriend?" he continues, one of his hands releasing his grip as it switches over to my face, his thumb resting on the bottom of my lip as he awaits for an answer.

"is the sky blue?"

"wh-"

"just answer."

"yes?"

"then there's your answer idiot, of course you can!" i squeal, pulling him back into another kiss before we swap places and i lay on top of him as he holds tightly onto my waist.

"oh, i love you so much." chris sighs, kissing me repeatedly all over my face as i try to escape from him.

"calm down chris! i love you too." i scream, holding tightly onto his face before trying to back away.

"mmh, you still smell nice. are you wearing vanilla?" he suddenly stops and questions, beginning to sniff me like a weirdo which made me giggle.

"i am! how do you recognise that?" i say, looking at him with a feeling of happiness.

"well, that day in summer when us and matt were hanging out at the beach and we ordered ice cream, i thought in my head that it smelt of you."

i stay frozen in shock, why was that actually so adorable? i felt another smile on my face, which made my cheeks begin to ache as i latched my arms tightly onto him and pulled him into a hug.

"wait chris- thats so cute... you're so cute!" i almost scream, tears forming in my eyes as i plant a big kiss onto his cheek as he smiled softly.

"well, you're cuter. but stop crying!" he whines, holding my face as he wiped away the couple tears that rolled down my cheek.

"it's happy tears, dont worry." i laugh, chris nuzzling his face into my shoulder trying to comfort me.

after all these years of resentment, we finally now got along. all of these arguments, bullying, and unnecessary comments felt so worth it. i was now in the comfort of chris' arms, with my head on his chest, and wrapped in the warmth of his embrace. it felt like all my worries just melted away, and i had nothing to worry about here.

MASTERLIST / P1 , P2 , P3

a/n: hi guyyyys😜 this is the last part since i have no ideas, BUT i am working on something new and i feel like i should have a schedule for when i post but like work is tough so i write and post whenever i can, lately ive been posting more because ive had alot of days off recently or my days have been restricted down to half🤗🤗🤗 and i just have alot of motivation rn so i need to try grow my account BUT ILY ALL SMMMMMM🤍 also lmk if i should write some smut bc my page seems a lil boring and im in one of those silly moods lol

tl: @st7rnioioss

[naquey]

Another Untilted

t/w: mentions of rape, mentions of religion, a lot of swearing

I know that dream like the back of my hand, same as I know your street because I walked there

I know your house, your parents, your grandparents but you never met mine

They would have fucking hated you, my dad does, my aunt does- the only thing we can agree on,frankly-

The only time I can ever be honest is on a piece of paper because it doesn't look at me weirdly, or anticipate my next response

You took my masculinity, you took those short years of work trying to shape myself into what I wanted to be and you fucking ruined it

Congratulations! You raped a trans guy, but hey I'm on testosterone if you ever want to hit me up and pretend you're into guys!

You weren't into guys

You wouldn't have wanted me when I grow facial hair, or when my voice changes, you liked me petite and small because that meant I was weak and unable to fight back

And yes, I was unable to fight back, mentally and physically even though you didn't hold me down

I had a headache because I wasn't supposed to be there, so I laid down in bed

You trapped me there, you trapped me there against the wall

You wore me down, you slithered in with a low whisper

You said you wouldn't fuck me after we broke up, that you were ashamed to because somewhere in your unfeeling heart it was wrong

It had happened a month before because at the time, I did want it, but when April came around I wanted nothing to do with you

I told you to burn the binder, burn the bra

that stupid fucking bra I wore because I thought you might like it

I hated it, by the way

You drove me home.

Silence filled the car, that same car I looked for whenever I went back to Malden

I can't go back again, sorry, that's a detail I left out

The thought of seeing you again freaked me out, it scared me beyond recognition

And then I told your mother

Six months after, on Halloween

It's funny because October was when my mom died, it's funny because I visited her grave and still didn't have the guts to tell that stone in the ground that I was raped

It's funny, because I told your mom expecting her to have a reaction I only hoped my mother could have but she clocked it as a misunderstanding

You tried to intimidate me on discord because I had unblocked you to reread all those messages before it happened (I have screenshots by the way, that my aunt has too and she could show your mom and you could get wrecked)

It's really funny, because you did this once before, your former best friend told me when I told him what happened

He hates you, by the way. You'll never read this, but still, Johnny, he fucking hates you.

Sometimes TikTok reccommends you to my new account because for some reason you're still in my phone but I will never, ever open your contact again

You have long hair now, a new girlfriend

I get this sounds stalkerish, but I tapped your profile when it came up because I just needed to, I wanted to see the distress I caused you

Because apparently, you couldn't look me in the face, apparently you were so scared of seeing me again

because apparently I hurt you???

No, no, noooooo

I didn't hurt you, I only told your fucking mother what you did

I didn't hurt you, I only told your friends what you did

I didn't hurt you, you hurt me

But fine, be scared of me, because this will be the last face you see before you die and go to that place in the sky you believe in because we all know you aren't an atheist

You laughed in my face about the tarot because it told me you would ruin my life, you didn't believe in the greek gods because they were showing me you didn't fit just right

An atheist doesn't fucking laugh when someone tells you about their practicies

A christian does, a self-centered, bigoted christian

I have to be specific because there can be good ones

Juan Enrique Reyes you are not one of the good ones

Not even fucking close

I don't believe in hell, but you will go there and you will rot there for eternity

I don't believe in God, but I hope that he has enough love for his children to know when to reprimand the ones who hurt others

I don't believe in the Devil, but he has a place waiting for you in the deepest pit of hell

So do not keep him waiting, because I'm sure he'll be eager to meet you, I just know it

[snaileo]

gonna write this post to reflect upon things before the year ends - it will be long

i dont know how to start this - or how to even express my thoughts. but this year was hard - very hard and i wish i could remember what i was doing last year. last new years eve, but i cant remember. i wish i could tell my past self, that in a few days time, you would learn that your mom's cancer came back and then 8 months after that, on the dot, she'd pass away. obviously i cant. this last month has been especially hard, not that i was excited for christmas anyway, but it was my first one without her. one thing id do every year is check everyday for xmas music to come on the radio, which i did excitedly??? this year, and on nov 10th, it started and my excitement was cut abruptly when i realized i was alone in the apartment, without her to exclaim it too. it hit me all over again. its so hard to go into her room even though i have too bc the washer and dryer are in that particular closet, and it still feels like shes there. its eerie. its hard for me to associate this absence of her with being gone because this is just what her room looked like when she kept having week long hospital stays every month since may - so it was no different right? but i gotta keep telling myself that it is, that shes not coming home. Well she *is* home but not how I knew her.

both my dad and i felt this time was different, long before the complications began. i remember having that conversation with him, anxiety gripping every part of my being, something just felt different about all this - and it wasnt until months later that our fears would be confirmed. one of the things i struggle with most is guilt. feeling like i couldve done more, that i shouldve done more, that i was her caretaker and she died - i feel like i let her down, i feel like maybe if i had done this or that, it would be different, that she would still be here. i try to tell myself i did all i could but its difficult. i simply feel like i failed. i failed her. she deserved better than what she got -

she had seemed so invincible to me, with all that she had survived in her life, the way she carried herself with each thing she overcame - but in that final week, the one she spent in the ICU till she passed - i saw her slowly break down, her body slowly give in - i was really hoping she would Bounce Back, like she always did, so many close calls in her life, but she always came back - i was anticipating the next week when she would be out of the ICU, back at the apartment, talking about how she survived yet again -- but that didnt happen.

i completely broke after her passing, and had a solid month of feeling, disassociated from myself - deep within an existential crisis and grief - really truly grappling with what death is - and it took a while to realign myself. im still not okay - but im better than i was then. im still very lonely. the amount i spoke to my mom, daily, was something i never even realized until after she passed. i cant talk to my dad the way i talked to her - she had a near photographic memory and could recount stories and tell them in such an engaging way that i hate that i do not have a single fucking recording of her telling any story. that i no longer will hear her recount her life to me, tell me as if it happened yesterday.

im finding new things everyday that i didnt even realize i'll miss.

she believed in an afterlife, in spirits and heaven, and i hope, for the sake of the terrible hand she was dealt, that there is an afterlife, that she gets the happiness and peace she deserved. i found a lot of comfort in reading people's stories about seeing deceased loved ones in dreams, ones that feel like a visit, whether or not theyre truly a visit or just what the heart needed - it was comforting. one thing i didnt foresee was how painful the dreams she appears in would be. how painful to see her or hear her, or just knowing shes there - and then i wake up. reality hits. one odd thing to note is the first time i had dreamt about her after her passing, i wasnt allowed to look at her, i knew she was there, somewhat in my peripheral but there was a voice telling me "do not look at her, dont look at her" it was a strange feeling, it was so vivid. most of my dreams now that consist of her are typical dreams, tho a portion of them have me baffled that shes even there and i try to ask her How??? i thought you were dead, and she would come up with some excuse or some way how she survived. its a strange feeling. dreams are strange.

realizing this is getting too long. if you stuck with reading this whole post thank you i guess. this was meant for me to vent and reflect. especially since my mom was born in the year of the dragon, and 2024 will be the year of the dragon.i dont know how to end this post.

[mera-mann-kehne-laga]

To my adorablest idiot,

//पर ये सब सोचना

दिल को यूँ खोलना

सब कुछ कह कर ही

सब को बताना ज़रूरी है क्या?//

I've always wanted to tell you so so so many things but...........i just.....couldn't. Maybe Because idk how to entangle this tangled mess of thoughts in my head and say them out loud as words that make any sense. Because i feel like it won't ever make sense to you. It has never to anyone before.

//अक्सर तुमसे मिलकर मुझको

घर सा लगता है।

फिर क्यों दिल ही दिल में 

कोई डर सा लगता है।//

Or maybe bcz I'm an insecure coward. And I'm afraid of being perceived. By my own home.  I thought I should let it all out thoda toh bcz it was getting too much to hold in. I know you'll call me stupid. You'll tell me to stop thinking itna. But trust me i want to stop too. I so desperately want to. But i just.......can't.

i sometimes wish you could read my thoughts. So that you'd know how much i love you and how much you and everything you do and say mean to me and how I'm always resisting the urge to kiss you lol. But then i think no. He won't be able to withstand all the darkness in there. He'd get lost. It'd be too much for him. It'll consume him and he'll never be the same. Keep it to yourself please. 

But on the other hand i still so desperately want you to reach to those dark cracks of my mind and heart. And plant the seeds of your love and reassurance. And water them with your firmness. And make them bloom into the most beautiful flowers, being the absolute sunshine you are, sunshine. 

I know. It's all tedious work. But news flash. Loving someone like me is never easy. You ask me if i'm alright atleast 20 times a day, don't you? Or when I'm staring at you and you say What? And what is my answer everytime? Nothing. 

I want to say everything. But everything sounds like a lot doesn't it? And then how'd i explain it to you if you ask kya everything?

Girls like me are not easy to love. We feel everything so very deeply that it consumes us whole at times. We need constant reminding that you love us. Because even the tiniest slightest change in your behaviour would make us think we did something wrong.

i often feel excluded from everything but it's mostly my fault because i distance myself because i think i'm annoying. Then i feel lonely. And soon enough the whole world comes crashing down. And this wave of sadness makes it feel like all friends are annoying, everything is loud, and I'm contemplating why I even exist. This restlessness took so much away from me, sometimes I wish it would have taken my life as well.

I'm jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don't have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don't struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don't struggle to hold friendships and relationships... they don't feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can manage pdhai and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.

I wonder how do you tell people? How do you tell them that you're exhausted even though you slept for 8 hours? How do you tell them that you need a break from talking and smiling and simply being near them? How do you tell them that you too are human and can make mistakes and can be a failure sometimes? Bc when the heck will this burn out leave me

i'm trying not to make it sound like a plea or an apology, but it should be one right?

//तू होगा ज़रा पागल 

तूने मुझको है चुना।//

Aaj when i said that thing about jumping off that flyover on my way back home or when i told you I'll be going away after 11th ends, tujhe kuch sunai nahi diya hoga but my heart shattered into a thousand little pieces. To see how disheartened and concerned and tensed you were. I then went to the washroom and broke down thoda because the feeling of being an unlovable burden worsened all of a sudden. I was also kinda overwhelmed by how much you cared and the guilt of concerning you itna. Because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine ki someone'd ever love me aise. But then i came back and saw your stupid pyaara face and everything felt good again. I'm sorry. For concerning you like that.

Aur sun. Though I may seem at times somewhat distant from you, through the gray mist of my own thoughts and storms, I am never far. my thoughts always circle around you ok? I love you hehe

Yours,

Nishu.

[eeveerevo]

Sometimes i just look at the people i know and think about what good people they are

Then I look at my self and think about all the terrible things I've done

Like every time I've lied to people who trust me, or every time i bit my sister or the time when i ran away from home,

I feel like no one understands me,

Im a very emotional person, and I keep my emotions to myself, but then something happens and I snap, and its like all that emotion i've bottled up and kept to my self, just, breaks, and then I take it all out on someone I care about a lot, and them when I've realized what I've done it to late and they're long gone out of my life because I snapped

I hate that I was aleven born into this world full of stupid bastards who are willing to shader someones heart into a thousand pieces, and ones who joke about someones trauma or something that Traumatized someone, i hate people that no matter hoe many god damn times you tell them still get your pronouns wrong, and the ones who bully people off the internet because they heard a stupid rumor that wasn't true, and the ones who will take your dream away because they simply don't like you or the ones who turned groomers in a fucking joke (Im talking to the freaks who started the groomer nea nea shit on the animation meme community)

I remember every bad thing that has ever happened to me but almost never any good things, i can clearly remember how my Exe girlfriend shattered my heart, I gave her it and she took it and shattered it into a million pieces on my birthday, and now everytime my birthday comes around all i think of is her and how she broke me, I hate you Ashley and i hope I NEVER EVER Meet you again online or in real life

Im glad that I at least have a few good people in my life :')

I love you a lot @Kittysboba and I hope i never lose you

[willowmckinley]

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Another good one! Thank you @acorrespondence

Hmmm, the answer is yes, but then immediately I can't think of one, right? To me a piece haunts me when it changes me and takes the shape of my soul and twists it into something else. I'll never be who I was before because a piece of writing has touched me so deeply, for better or worse. Honestly? The first thing I thought of was Stargirl by Jerry Spinelle, because I spent so much of that book being like. This is The Manic Pixie Dream Girl and it felt so heavy handed and the main character was both unrelateable and cringe and Stargirl herself was so alien and weird and then it broke my heart when she tried changing to be "normal" anyway. And then this story was like. Hey actually, you know what? Fitting in won't make people change their minds once they've made them up. And fitting in won't make you happy. And trying to be something you're not is understandable but ultimately disappointing. And I took that to heart! I was really heartened by the message that people aren't suddenly going to accept the "weird" girl and you shouldn't change for them. It was refreshing and interesting to read a book just outright state: At this age, your classmates can be monsters and they're going to suffer from their own standards just as much as you are, but at least you can choose not to engage.

I think in terms of writing, the answer is kind of all of it and none of it? The process of writing itself haunts me. I learn about myself with everything I write, and in knowing, I change. I don't really change after the fact by reading my work later, so I'm not quite haunted in the same way, haha. I think the must clear example to me is "It's Strange, But the Taste Reminds You of Vanilla Ice Cream," because I took so much time unearthing childhood memories for that one, and it was such a positive experience for me living in that headspace for a while.

Alternatively, I also think something haunts me when I feel myself wanting to go back and read it. All of the fics I have in my favs currently haunt me, because I feel them touch my shoulder and say, hey read me, including "i put this heavy heart in you." And then also in the same way, The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System also haunts me, because what the fuck was happening in that series and why do I need to keep re-reading it?