thoughts thoughts thoughts i apologise it’s 2am i have to sorry @babyboymunson
Steve knows that Eddie has a whole library of characters. And when he says library, that’s not an understatement; because Eddie has a lot of them, and he keeps all his characters sheets incredibly organised. Even those for the NPCs.
He claims not to have favourites because, “They’re all my badass little idiot children, Stevie, don’t make me choose.”
So Steve doesn’t.
But the thing is, Steve has never been above choosing a favourite badass little idiot child — sure, it might have changed daily with the kids, but still! He has a favourite character of Eddie’s. One who survived the campaign, actually, to everyone’s utter disbelief both past and present.
It’s one of Eddie’s first, from before he started taking on the role as Dungeon Master more often than that of a player.
And when Steve first finds out about the character, reads his character sheet and sees the art Eddie had made for him, that is when he knows: one day he’ll find a way to marry this blushing disaster boy.
Sir Gonthar Veten, a human paladin with high charisma and uncharacteristically low strength, laughably low intelligence but hey, respectable wisdom modifier. “A bit of a wild card,” as Eddie has put it, pulling his hair in front of his face to hide his little smile or the absolutely besotted expression.
It doesn’t take him too long to find out that Gonthar is essentially based on him, and even his name is an anagram. Oh, Eddie had it bad! He teases him mercilessly, but they both know that’s Steve’s way of saying, “You nerd, you absolute nerd, I can’t believe it took me so long, but know that you’re the love of my life, too.”
So, in 1983, Eddie has a crush on Steve and is so mad about it, he made a DnD character about it.
In 1986, Steve kisses Eddie for the first time inside his new government-sponsored trailer and begins what will be the rest of his life.
In 2006, Steve buys Eddie a star for their anniversary, and Eddie laughs through the veil of tears when he sees what Steve named it.
“Sir Gonthar Veten,” he reads, grin so wide that it has to hurt. “Can’t believe you went and named a star after yourself, Stevie.”
“Yeah,” Steve laughs, stepping into Eddie’s space and pulling him close. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I did, Munson.”
“You’re so lame,” Eddie sniffles, and it’s the happiest little sound. “Thank you.”
Steve brushes a kiss to his forehead, his temple, his cheek, and finally his lips. “Happy anniversary, Eddie.”
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“So, Martyn. You’re the person here I can ask about this, sure. You still seem sane.”
Martyn snorts. “Sane’s a relative term, Scott, but sure. Ask whatever it is you’re asking. We’re at least pals, right?”
“Right,” Scott says, and doesn’t say anything for a while.
Their base smells like seawater and dead fish. Martyn’s not sure if the dead fish are actually dying fish or like, the two of them, and isn’t about to try to figure it out. The fact Scott’s been turning into a fish is freaking Martyn out enough already.
“Sorry,” Scott says. “Just realized I’m not sure I want to ask this one.”
“Fair enough. Lotta things out here I don’t want to know the answers to.”
“You? Really?”
Martyn pauses. Our will be done.
“…I mean. A few.”
“Hm.”
“Shit’s weird, man.”
“True, true. As you said. Shit’s weird.”
“Sounds weird coming from you.”
“Eh. I mean, we’re used to it.”
The waves crash against their base. Martyn dips his toes in the water. It used to feel cold.
“That’s the question, really,” Scott says. “When did we all become so… apathetic?”
“Lotta explosions for apathy,” Martyn says after a moment. “Lotta… fire and brimstone and dramatic speeches, for apathy.”
“Yeah, but like. I don’t know. How many times have you died?”
“That’s easy, it’s—”
Martyn stops.
“How many people have you killed?”
“If you gave me time to—”
“Why are we all still just… playing around?” Scott says. “If I died tomorrow, would you care? Would I care? Or would it just be one more moment in a chaotic mess of… apathy doesn’t have to mean boring, it’s just…”
“Not caring,” Martyn finishes.
“Etho blew up Scar and Bdubs earlier and we just laughed and moved on,” Scott says.
“I mean…”
Our will be done.
“I mean. Is it better if we don’t?”
They’re both quiet again for a bit. Light reflects in flecks off of Scott and the waves.
“We didn’t used to,” Scott says, very quietly. He plays with a ring on his finger. Martyn is suddenly quite cold. He shivers and looks out over the sky. It’s summer. An oppressive heat sinks over the sky. Still, he’s cold, like winter is—
“Ah. I think I get what you mean,” Martyn says, finally. “If it makes you feel better, when you—”
“Yeah. Okay. You’re right. I know,” Scott says. “It’s a stupid question.”
“Nah,” Martyn says. “Nah. You can ask. I don’t know, man. Maybe this isn’t apathy, really. If you died, I’d care. I’d care.”
Scott stands up. “You know, the funniest part is that I have no clue if you’re lying.”
Before Martyn can ask anything else, Scott dives into the water. “I’m catching some fish,” Scott says.
“Yeah, sure. Save me some, fish man.”
He’s gone. Martyn watches after him. Apathy. Hah. Funny way to describe it, but.
He turns to the sky. “He’s not wrong, you know. You lot. He’s not wrong. Happy with yourselves?”
No response.
“Figures.”
He sighs and leans back. Well, it’s not like he had to care or anything—that’s the whole point of it being apathy, isn’t it? Even if his sword’s still bloody.
Clock’s ticking.
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I can so imagine a scenario where Billy and Steve have been screwing around for months, like months, and while Billy has plenty of experience with sex, he’s never slept with anyone quite like Steve.
Steve who holds his hand during sex, Steve who gets off on Billy’s pleasure, Steve who kisses him before and after and during, who likes cuddling, who doesn’t avoid being seen with Billy at all and actually starts hanging out with Billy at school and out of it, who invites him to play basketball in the park and to get food after, and to stay over at his house like every weekend.
Naturally, Billy thinks they’re dating.
But they never talk about it. Somehow, for months of this, it never comes up in conversation how to define their relationship. It’s not exactly necessary, both of them being content as they are with what they have with each other. Whatever they think it is.
Until, of course…
Senior Prom.
Billy’s been dodging prom invitations left and right for two weeks now, leaving a trail of pouty glossed lips behind, claiming he has no interest in going to “the party equivalent of daytime tv”. Steve hasn’t said anything about it except a half-muttered comment that he went to Junior Prom with Nancy, after which he immediately changed the subject. Billy assumed he didn’t want to go either.
Which is why Billy’s surprised when he hears through the school grapevine that Becky Olson asked Steve to Prom and he said yes.
When Billy shows up at Steve’s house after school that day, he’s rage smoked half a pack of cigarettes and stewed in his anger all through the afternoon. Even Max heard about it all the way in the middle school, and offered to take Steve’s bat to his balls. Billy drops Max off at home after promising that if he doesn’t kill Steve, he’ll let her at him.
He lets himself into Steve’s house (Steve always leaves the door unlocked for him) and goes straight to Steve’s room (it’s routine by now), where he finds him sitting on his bed, going through cassette tapes.
“Hey, man,” Steve says. Entirely unconcerned.
Billy’s nostrils flare.
“What the fuck, Steve? Is that what you’re gonna say? ‘Hey, man’?”
Steve does look up then, and frowns at Billy, fucking confused. Like Billy’s saying nonsense.
“Yes? Hello? How was your day?” Steve says, nose scrunching up. “What am I supposed to say?”
Billy can’t fucking believe this. This whole time, Steve’s been so- Now he’s acting like he didn’t even do anything.
“Maybe start by telling me what the hell you’re thinking going to prom with some chick!” He yells, like he hasn’t been cursing her name for at least two hours.
Steve gets up from the bed then, runs a hand through his stupid hair, crosses his arms. Billy can see he’s closing himself off, going on the defensive right off the bat.
“Why are you mad at me about this? You don’t even wanna go,” Steve doesn’t raise his voice, but his words echo in the room same as a slap on his face would.
“I don’t know, Steve, maybe I’m mad my boyfriend’s going on a date with some girl!”
This isn’t making any fucking sense. Steve isn’t like this, an inconsiderate asshole going behind Billy’s back. He’s sweet. He’s always been sweet.
There’s something wrong here, and Billy can’t put his finger on it, and it just makes him angrier.
Steve rears back, brows going up, up, up towards his hairline, eyes wide, a sea of white around brown.
“Boyfriend?” He repeats. Licks his lips. “How- Why would you say boyfriend?”
Billy’s stomach sinks, takes everything in his abdominal cavity with it. He feels hollow, weighed down. All the fight has been sucked out of him.
That’s why the conversation felt off.
"Because we've been dating for like, three months, Steve," Billy says, or forces out, and his voice comes out shaky.
They were. He thought they were. Steve’s been- He holds Billy’s hand. They go on dates, as much as they can while staying under the radar. Billy stays over most weekends. It’s never been like this with anyone else, for Billy, not even in California. Even Before.
Steve’s eyes are still wide, but his eyebrows are doing the puppy dog thing, turned up at the inner corners like he’s hurt.
“I…” He starts, stops. Decides on something else. “We never talked about this.”
Billy rears back this time, feeling the sentence like a blow, and Steve follows him with a step forward, hand reaching out.
“I mean- shit,” Steve says, stammers, runs a hand down his face. “I didn’t know you felt that way. About me. I thought you didn’t-”
“What the fuck did you think when we were going on fucking dates, Steve?!”
“You’re my best friend!” Steve says, and it stings. “We do everything together!”
“And suck each other’s dicks, too!”
“I thought-”
“Thought what, this was some friends with benefits shit? If you’re my best friend and we’re boning, how’s that different from a relationship, Steve?!”
“We never talked about it!” Steve finally raises his voice, and the sound of it stuns Billy.
Steve makes an aborted motion with his hand, then again, before closing it into a fist by his side. He rubs at his eyes with his other hand, but not before Billy sees they are wet.
“I’m not going to assume you’re in love with me, Billy! What if I’m wrong? What if I spend months thinking you love me and it turns out to be bullshit?”
Steve’s breathing hard as he finishes speaking, cheeks blotchy red, and hands shaking. He looks terrified right now, terrified Billy’s going to give up on him and leave, going by how he glances from Billy to the door; terrified he’s hurting Billy, because he keeps reaching out but doesn’t step any closer.
Billy feels something click, then, a piece of the puzzle that was grating on him with jagged edges smooths outs and slots into place. That’s the Steve he knows, with his head tangled in so many feelings he can’t parse them out, but never uncaring. Never cold.
“Well, I do,” Billy says, stepping closer to Steve.
He walk forward until their toes are almost touching, until Steve has to tilt his head down to look Billy in the eye. Billy takes a breath and raises an eyebrow, raises his chin, gives Steve his best smirk like wants to eat him alive. Takes a chance.
“I do love you. Whatcha gonna do about it?”
Steve’s eyes jump between his, mouth parted, like a man lost searching for something. Like he’s looking at something holy. Billy feels tentative fingertips at his elbows, then fingers running up his triceps, until finally one of Steve’s hands closes around his arm. The other continues up, up, a long tingling line to his neck, and Steve cups his jaw like something precious. Rubs his thumb on Billy’s cheekbone, feather light, but Billy feels it like a brand.
“You mean it?” Steve’s voice comes out in a ragged whisper, breath spilling over Billy’s lips.
“I do.” They’re so close. Billy wants to take in all of Steve’s face, the way he’s looking at Billy, with his eyes half lidded and his lips parted, like he’s everything Steve could ever want.
“Basketball in the park,” Steve says, out of nowhere, voice still low. “In February. You complained about the cold the whole time but you still kicked my ass. I bought you a burger at the diner, after. That was our first date.”
Billy’s face splits into a grin so wide his cheeks hurt, and he bunches his hands in Steve’s dumb polo shirt, pulls him closer until Steve has to lean down those two inches to press their foreheads together.
“I love you,” Steve whispers against Billy’s lips, “I’m so in love with you.”
Billy nods, barely moving his head, unwilling to part where they’re touching, “‘m in love with you.”
Their lips really touch then, feeling like the first time even if they’ve kissed a thousand times before, are as familiar with each other’s mouths as they are with their own.
The scrape of Steve’s teeth against Billy’s bottom lip pulls a moan out of Billy, and he presses himself tighter to Steve’s body, pulls at his chest, his hips, wants to climb inside him and never leave.
No one’s ever felt like this. No one’s ever made Billy feel like this, this wanted, this needed, like the world starts and ends with them, together. That’s why Billy was so sure they were together. It couldn’t be anything else.
Steve’s the best thing that’s ever happened to Billy, and he’s not gonna let him go without a fight.
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