#and they’re the best damn donuts i’ve had in six months

[kkpwnall]

gotta love the midwest, where you can find a donut shop and a crematorium colocated in the same strip mall

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH. 8

TW

Mentions of SELF HARM. Please be aware before reading.

“Yeah, in the end Jenna Rosencali decided that she didn't want to invite Meghhan Levei to her birthday party. And that's what started the water balloon war at eight in the morning.” Little Jo said as she scrunched her curls trying to get them to dry somewhat uniformly.

The poor eleven year old had walked into the shop soaked down to the bone. Her cousin had rushed her straight into the break room to have her get dry and change clothes. Even running across the street to Dunkin' and get her favorite breakfast sandwich and donut. Then Jo had come out not even a minute after he left and proceeded to tell you what happened, knowing her cousin probably thought she'd been bullied.

But you were different, you didn't see her as a target at all. She likes to think you see her as a little sister, one who enjoys hanging out with you. As much as she likes to think that she understands you probably just see her as the boss' kid that you have to be nice to. You don't immediately jump to her aid when things look a certain way, like just right now. You waited to hear what she had to say rather than assuming someone was mean to her because she was different. Jo knows her family just wants to protect her but sometimes she just wants them to listen to her like you do.

“It's always Megans. Lemme guess name spelt weird.” like right now, you heard her.

“Yea she's got two 'h's in the middle. Meghhan.” she laughs as you roll your eyes. She tics and yanks on her hair as she's scrunching.

“Ouch” stupid tics.

“I've got some shea moisture in my locker in the break room, want me to grab it for you? It'd help with frizz.” another reason she likes you, it took a few days before you stopped checking on her tics, so long as she didn't have scissors.

Even her family haven't mastered that and they've been dealing with her Tourettes for six years.

“Please.”

She follows you to the back for the hair masque. Letting her take what she needed you place the jar back in your locker. Letting her know she's free to it in emergencies like this or rainy days. It's not like your locker was ever locked with just you and Nate being here. And you're pretty sure Nate dipped into this emergency hair saver as well. You didn't have an extreme need for it here it was just a habit you've kept from living in muggy humidity most your life.

“How's your week been?” Jo asked as she finally settled her hair how she liked it, with help from the masque.

She startles at the frustrated noise you make as you both leave the break room.

“Bad?” she questions.

“Sort of...there's...this..it's...”

Shit, you hadn't thought about your response. With all the stress this week you just reacted naturally to the question. Who can blame you, what with your stalker being on your mind all week, minimal amount of sleep, plus the weird interaction you'd had with Brian at the start of it. Then yesterday you topped off your stress with a healthy portion of more frustration driving up to the lodge after work to see if Barclay would like some help with cooking or even shopping for the picnic. Stubborn man sent you off with a hearty laugh after getting you opinion on the vegetarian/vegan main course, eggplant teriyaki or tofu and pineapple chipotle skewers.

“Oooooooh a boy.~” she might not be your actual sister...but you're starting to understand the Cain Instinct.

“Half right I guess.” Jo starts bouncing waiting to hear more, she's probably expecting some juicy relationship drama. Sucks for her that you are probably the world's most boring twenty-four year old, and you're content with that.

“Barclay's just frustrating sometimes.”

“Wait! You and Barcl-”

“Nope.” you interrupt, “I asked him if he needed help with any cooking for the picnic and he brushed me off.” You know he didn't mean anything by it and from what everyone said he could more than handle cooking for the amount of people just fine on his own. You'd just thought it'd be a nice gesture to offer, though you did hope he'd accept. He'd been pretty quick to turn you down, had you been any one else you may have even been insulted by the speed of the rejection.

“That's what's bothering you?” Jo's face held a very confused expression on it. It was understandable since not a lot actually bothered you, especially something as small as this. However, it's not like you could tell an eleven year old 'Yea I'm kinda being stalked right now and this week has me looking at every shadow and movement differently but fortunately or...unfortunately no one seems to notice and just brush it off as my hallucinations.'

Yup, totally not the thing you confide to an eleven year old about. Especially now that you have your plan all figured out. You've planned to let the stalker continue stalking you, picking up clues where ever they may leave them. They're bound to slip up at least once after a month of following you through your routines. Should be able to find evidence to have Big Jo help you in no time.

“Well no...I've just had a lot on my mind...”

“We can talk about it.” kid's got a kind heart, but this isn't her problem and you won't put it on her.

“Nah, it's fine.”

There's a pause as silence settles over the shop front. Jeez how long does it take to get an order from Dunkin'? Jo is staring at you as if she can see every part of your being. Breaking open your soul so all your secrets are laid out on display for her. You really don't like it, it feels like being under the microscope and it's making your skin get that familiar itch under it.

“Stop staring.” thankfully she does as you ask.

“...you said it's fine...are you going to be ok though?” Damn Montessori schools, actually allowing children to pick up on emotions and meanings behind linguistics.

You have to pause when you go to respond with the polite 'Yea I'll be good'...because you hadn't given it any real thought. You've made up this best case scenario plan. A plan that requires time and a lot of it. But you never gave thought to the fact that you might not have much time at all. What if the situation was more dire than you thought...what if this wasn't simply a stalker but a serial killer and you happen to fit his MO. A cult who was looking for the perfect sacrifice for their god. And while those thoughts could also be far fetched so is the scenario that you've built up for this past week.

Even if this was a simple stalking case, who's to say it wouldn't escalate? You have an old steel baseball bat in the hall closet and you could use it in case things got dicey. But that would require it being on your person a lot more than it actually is. Maybe you could make it look like you took up going to batting cages...are there even any batting cages in Kepler?

'Fucking focus...stop the rambling. Am I going to be ok?' you think to yourself despite the roaring chaos of your mind. Even with all the possibilities being thrown around you don't have an answer. Maybe that's really the answer after all if you can't get even one 'yes' from any of the possibilities...maybe you wouldn't be ok after all. Maybe you weren't ok.

“I don't want to talk anymore.” It's said so plainly, in such a dull monotone that it throws Jo off.

Jo's not quite used to this but she understands from the two times she's seen it that sometimes you just shut down under pressure like this. This topic, whatever it is, must really bother you. She wishes there was something she could do to make you feel better, but you can be really volatile in this state. Easily going from shutdown mode to meltdown at the simplest action.

With a jolt joined by a 'yip-yup' she remembers something that might put you in a better mood. And if it doesn't she still needs to give it to you so you have it. Rushing off to the back as fast as her legs will take her, having the agility only years of dance can provide.

Nate comes back into the shop as she disappears to the back.

“Did you know the Dunkin' across the street does parties?” What? To the man's credit he had no reaction to your blank stare and lack of response. He clocked the eye contact aversion right away.

You've gone into shutdown mode. Sometimes you just go quiet and that's fine, you're like a robot in this state and if he sets you up with a task that should take all day you have it finished in a few hours.

Once when he asked you just said you needed to not talk at time and that the tasks were good ways to process thoughts. Nate was reasonably creeped out by this but you aren't hurting anyone so c'est la vie.

“Nate?” Jo's calls out from down the hall.

“Yea, I'm back. Brought food.” he set the bag on the counter and handed you the shitty hash rounds you like for some reason.

'It's only cuz they're bad, if they were good they wouldn't be worth eating.' you think as you pop one into your mouth.

Jo comes twirling back into the room. In a broad sweep of motion kicks her foot off the floor to do one final dramatic twirl that ends in a bow with the same leg pointed toward the ceiling. All to present to you and Nate two tickets. Tickets to what?

“Another dance rehearsal?”

“Nope actual thing this time.” she supplies passing you each a ticket.

It's such a formal looking ticket for a recital that only goes up to age twelve max. Most dancers will still be in elementary school. But they want you to treat this like the Russian Ballet. Oh it even says it's a black tie event, completely different from the rehearsals you've been too.

You aren't sure if you have anything black tie status. You'll have to make a trip further out of your normal bounds and go thrifting for an outfit. Luckily it won't be happening for another month, that gives you plenty of time to try finding something in your size that you also like. It also gets you out of Kepler and away from your stalker for a few hours. Hopefully. But there's a chance your stalker will follow you on your outings away from Kepler so you'd need to keep an eye out for familiar faces on the trip.

“YN...will you come?” Jo's looking up at you with her big puppy eyes. Unfair, even if you wanted to decline she pulled puppy eyes. What heartless monster would refuse puppy eyes.

You give a slow nod along with a smile that doesn't reach your cheeks let alone your eyes. And while Jo's a little disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm she's still excited for you to come to her recital. Nate nudges her into her personal reading nook making up a lie that you hadn't finished your task sheet today so he'd watch over her while you finished working. You'd only had vacuuming and organizing the shelves that got mussed up the previous day, needless to say you were done nearly as soon as you started. When he came back to you he had a whole stack of papers for books that would need to be input into the system. You got to spend the rest of the day on the dinosaur computer in the backroom.

The quiet was nice.

After you'd gotten off work you still weren't out of your funk. Frustrated with the idea of going home and not actually being alone with a stalker prowling around. You decided to go to the one place that can calm even your worst of moods. The stream.

There's a reason why you've never been able to do longer than a thirty minute hike through the Monongahela and that's the stream. Every time you've said you'd go further into the forest you're always drawn back into that spot along the bank right under the red spruce. It has the best smell of all the trees, you think.

Just thinking about it has you having a better outlook on the day. You hardly spare the RV a glance as you go along your usual route.

You've said it once you'll say it again for emphasis. You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. Like that cool rock right there. Picking it up to inspect it closer you note the color is a deep dark brown that it almost looks black even obsidian, it reminds you of something but you can't quite place it. It's very smooth and oddly enough fits perfectly in your hand given it's larger size.

You think you'll keep it, this is a good rock. Idly rubbing the smooth surface of the stone as you trek through your trail, you can feel the tension start to ease off of you. You found a very nice worry stone, it works amazingly well. Hopefully no one lost it and it is just a naturally occurring stone that you happened on by chance. As much as you like it you'd hate to think of the chance of someone loosing something they need.

All thoughts cease once you hear the babble of the stream. As if on auto pilot you move with a fluidity through the brush and low hanging tree branches to your spot. Right under the spruce. Just as you did the last week and every other trip before you remove your shoes and socks placing them further behind you, so you can dip your feet into the cool stream. It's very refreshing on this hot summer's day.

Lying down with your feet still in the stream you close your eyes and just loose yourself to nature. All your cares and worries getting washed away by the steady moving stream. It's strange to be here without the buzzing in the back of your head. Oh great speak of the devil and he shall appear. It's fine, after all you're used to this, it's easy to ignore.

However, what isn't easy to ignore is the snapping of a branch, from in front of you just across the stream, how cliche. Cliches aside the sound rockets you back into a sitting position as you look for the source. And you find it...find him standing just on the other side of the stream emerging from the brush on that side. Toby. And he's mask less, not a weird choice considering he probably wouldn't have run into anyone had you not decided to come out for a hike.

Great you can feel your chances at friendship slipping through your grasp just like the water slips down the bend. He's gonna think you're weird when you don't respond to him verbally. Or worse he'll think you were rude for not wanting to talk to him and then never want to talk to you again in retaliation. Whatever relaxation had once been over you quickly dissipates and you are left anxious and with a tickle at the base of your skull.

Toby hasn't said anything yet. Not even a raised hand in a half wave. You also don't see Connor anywhere. Is Toby okay right now? Fuck even with that kind of thought you can't manage to move your lips let alone actually utter a sound, even ones that wouldn't ever be counted as words by anyone who was currently living. So you take the first move, literally.

Raising the hand without the stone in a mock form of a greeting. Toby doesn't seem to quite register it or you but he copies the movement. Oh he must be dissociating either that or in a catatonic state similar to the one you'd been in last weekend. That's probably how he knew he just needed to sit you down and keep and eye on you. You could do that for him...if that's what he needed.

You wave your hand beckoning Toby to come over to your side of the stream. Toby tilts his head to the side before his arms jolt up, going across his body. You assume it was a tic because he didn't keep the pose long. Tilting your head back at him, as if to say 'You coming over?', you pat the spot next to you.

Seems he registered that because he backed up a few steps before taking a running leap to cross the stream. He lands with more grace than you'd given the lanky guy credit for, normally someone with such long limbs would be a lot more clumsy. Not to mention that was a pretty wide jump, and Toby only has a few inches on you, you could probably barely cover the width of the stream. But he not only cleared it but he gave himself a good six inches of coverage away from the edge. You just hope he didn't roll or over exert anything by doing that. With his insensitivity to pain he wouldn't feel it and if he wasn't here mentally right now it's likely he wouldn't even remember he made a jump like that in the first place.

When he just stands in place staring at you, you get a bit uneasy. What's up with everyone staring at you today? You get really uncomfortable with people's stares normally, and now you're overstimulated and stressed it's not a great combination. But you can rationalize Toby is having a moment of his own. And since he helped you the best that he could you'll do the same for him, pushing aside your own issues for the moment. After all what are friends for.

He's standing within arms reach. You don't even have to get up as you gently grab his hand and give a few light tugs. Trying your best to get across that he should sit down with you. This would probably be a lot easier if you could speak right now. Did he speak to you when you were like this?

Toby thankfully gets the message and drops into a criss-cross position next to you. You start to retract your hand, now that the need for contact is over, when Toby's rough hand closes around it suddenly. Looking to Toby he's just staring straight ahead and not at you. His eyes aren't frantic or moving in any way, like yours sometimes do when you're following a hallucination. Physical closeness must help him through this kind of thing.

As gross as the feeling normally would be for you it isn't so bad right now. It seems Toby's CIPA also affects his body's temperature and his ability to sweat. Where there's usually the feeling of burning and clammy moisture coming off of another person, Toby is just tepid and dry. If anything it feels as if you're being held by a leather baseball glove.

Toby's hands are very rough, especially his palms, maybe you should let him burrow some of the goat milk lotion Dia gave you a few weeks ago. It smells pretty good and it only takes a little bit to soften your skin back up. But as you look closer at his hands you can see the spots roughest are around his nail beds. Someone has a biting problem, maybe he needs an oral stim toy. That would keep his flesh out of his mouth, and stop him from injuring himself...hopefully. There's still a chance he'd bite through his tongue without realizing, honestly you're a little surprised that hasn't happened yet.

You had completely forgotten about the stone in your hand until you went to grab at Toby's hand that still held yours in a firm grip. Seeing the dark brown rock again you remembered what it reminded you of, Toby's eyes. They were the same shade as the rock, that's funny...anecdotally at least. This rock helped you maybe it would help calm him down some. Worth a shot.

Since your hand closest to him is preoccupied you have to reach across his body to nudge the rock to his hand. He spares it a single glance before covering it with his other hand. Mission partially accomplished you guess. Now you're just sitting here, with Toby catatonic, by the edge of the water bank. Pulling your feet from the stream you mirror Toby's pose, you'll likely be here a while.

While normally you'd love to just loose your self to the sounds surrounding the stream, in the presence of another person you're too jittery to enjoy that. If only you had something to fidget with... You wonder what Toby's reaction would be if you just... Toby turns his head to watch you when he feels a gentle smaller hand on his own. Dark eyes watching intensely as you pull his hand into your lap. Turning it over so his palm is facing up, before you start tracing patterns into his palm lines and flexing his fingers individually. He watches for a moment before turning back to his original point.

Playing with his hand you noticed a few more things about Toby. From his chipped black nail polish, a look you personally think not enough guys go for even though it makes them look more attractive and approachable. To the single string paracord medical bracelet he's wearing, metal tag simply stating 'TOURETTE'S SYNDROME'. And a little further down you see scars, a few are crescent shapes easily identified as Toby's own nails. But most are straight lines, even a few jagged cuts, that run up and along his forearm.

'Tobais...what on Earth happened to you?' just as the thought rings through your mind you feel a sudden weight on your shoulder.

Toby is resting on your shoulder with his eyes close. You can tell he's just resting them by the lack of movement behind the eyelids.  With his head being on your shoulder you can smell him, not in a creepy way but he's just so close that his scent waifs your way. He smells like fresh dirt...it isn't a bad smell. It reminds you of gardening but on an overcast day. It hadn't rained today so how does he smell like it?

Moving your attention back to his hands, and away from how nice Toby smells, you catch sight of the scars again and bite your lip. Not wanting to dwell on the scars and their implications any longer. You curl and uncurl his fingers and start a rhythmic motion of curling them individually.

'You poor sweet boy.' is the only thought you can focus on. Even though the scars may be old and those wounds long healed. Toby at one point made them and it's very apparent that he is still not in the best way mentally. Once the two of you are friends, you'll do your best to be there for him. Like you are right now...you really hope it helps.

Toby didn't make even the slightest movement until the sky had begun to bleed its deep oranges across the horizon. He pulls his hand out of your grasp. And when you try to retrieve it to keep up you activity he softly pushes your hands back to you. Guess he's done for now.

With as late as it is, you'd like to go home. And Toby seems more aware of the things going on. But it isn't until you hear a call for him behind you two and he reacts looking in the direction of the call, that you decide he's safe enough for you to leave here.

Without much hesitancy you push off of the ground and stand. Toby isn't looking at you. Taking that as a cue you head back towards the entrance of the forest. Before you leave the clearing however, you look back to Toby and notice a dark colored stone resting nicely in his palm as he idly brushes a finger across it's surface.

Yea he's going to be fine.

[lovemesomesurveys]

[yourheaventonight]

Where have you been all my life? I’ve always been right here.

Can you recite the Greek alphabet backwards? Nope. Or at all.

What social networks are you a part of? Like every main one.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? I’m not a total expert on anything.

What is one thing you will never understand? Why I’m like this.

Do you blog? This is it.

What was the last movie you watched? Godzilla vs Kong.

^Would you recommend it? Yeah, I enjoyed it. Admittedly, I was mainly interesting for Alexander Skarsgard, but I did think the movie was good.

With whom did you share your last awkward moment? My life is an awkward moment.

When was the last time you got all dolled up? It’s been yearsss.

Gimme yer best shot and insult me. Go ahead. Uh, no.

What do you think makes a person attractive? Physical attributes, certainly, but personality traits and who they are as a person makes a person attractive to me as well. Even more so.

Out of everyone you know, who has the worst taste in music? I don’t think anyone I know has bad taste in music, I share a lot of the same music taste.

^How about the best? ^^^

Can guys REALLY pull off skinny jeans? They can wear whatever they want.

What is one thing you missed out on that you wish you hadn't? I missed out on a lot of my 20s I feel like, it feels like a complete blur. I don’t know what happened to them. And now I’m in my 30s and I feel like I’m missing out on those, too. Just life, in general for the past several years. Everyone around is me is doing things and living life and I’m just wasting away.

What was the last thing/place you decorated? My room for Christmas.

Have you just recently started listening to any new bands? No. It’s been a long time since I’ve discovered any new bands.

How many windows/tabs are open on your computer right now? Two windows, 7 tabs.

Would you rather date someone really skinny or really overweight? I want to date someone based on other things. 

Let me in on a little secret of yours. Nah.

What is one habit you had as a child? Nail biting/picking. 

^Do you still have that habit today? Sigh, yes.

Is there someone you wish you were closer with? Yes.

^What's stopping you from being closer with them? I’ve been so distant and withdrawn from everyone.

Besides air, what was the last thing you inhaled? The scent of my ramen earlier.

Which point in life do you think is hardest? (i.e. childhood, adulthood...) For me it’s been the past few years.

How was life going for you, say, six months ago? Not well.

^Is that the same as today, or have things changed? Things have changed, but not in a good way.

Who was the last person to make you frown? It’s been things I’m struggling with doing that, not a person.

^Was anyone able to turn that frown upside-down? No.

What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea.

What is one thing you wish you had the courage to do? Get certain things checked out and taken care of that I’ve put off for too long.

Which is bigger: Your iTunes library or your CD collection? My iTunes collection was definitely better. I haven’t used iTunes since like 2012, though, and I don’t have any CDs anymore.

What is your one true weakness? I’m just weak.

When is the last time you had hot chocolate? It’s been a couple years.

Composition notebooks or spiral notebooks? Why? Spiral. I just like them better.

What is the most bizarre compliment you've ever received? That I looked pretty for someone with polio. I don’t have polio, but they assumed I did just because I’m in a wheelchair. Also, what does that even mean? “For someone with polio.” Wtf?

Do you identify more with guys or girls? I think I relate more to girls.

When someone you know is sad, how do you go about cheering them up? I kinda suck at that and don’t know what to do or say.

Has someone ever accused you of not being creative enough? I say that about myself. I lack creativity or any artistic ability. 

Starbucks coffee or Dunkin Donuts coffee? I’ve only had Dunkin’s coffee a few times, but I’ve had Starbucks countless times and I do like it, so I’ll go with that. I do wish I had a Dunkin where I live cause apart from the donuts, I’ve heard they do have good brewed coffee.

Do you crack under peer pressure? Yepppp. And it doesn’t take much.

What do you think deserves more attention than it already gets? Hmm.

What song never fails to get stuck in your head? Songs I hear in commercials.

Who is your favorite vocalist? Why? Chester Bennington is one. His voice was incredible.

What is your most overused emoticon? This one: 😬 Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) Nah.

When was the last time you had a bagel? Hm. It’s been awhile, actually. I don’t even remember. Can you lick your own elbow? No.

What time during the day/night is your mind most active? At night when I’m up alone.

What color ink does your favorite pen have? I have a nice set of colorful pens that I really like.

What was the last thing you licked? My lips.

Who was the last person in your bed besides yourself? Just me. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? No.

What flavor mouthwash do you use? I don’t. Mouthwash irritates my mouth.

What tends to distract you most? I just find myself zoning out a lot. Like, someone will be talking to me and I feel myself getting overwhelmed quite easily and drift out and it doesn’t mean they’re boring or talking about heavy things (sometimes they are). I get like sensory overload. Or I’ll just be sitting in bed and zone out.

Is the perfect man or woman a myth? Yes. No one is perfect.

How do you feel about Bob Marley? I like a couple songs.

What's your favorite fairy tale? I liked reading or listening to all of them when I was growing up. <<<

Do you know who Tom Jones is? Yes.

Tell me one fact you know about horses (without using Google). They have manes.

When was the last time you had to walk up or down stairs? Well, never since I’m in a wheelchair.

Tell me one unique quality about your own handwriting. My handwriting is shit.

What daily chore do you secretly enjoy? I don’t enjoy any type of cleaning.

Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Definitely. Kids ask a lot of questions about everything and anything.

Name five books you've read in the past year. I’ve read a ton more than that, but I’ll give you the latest 5: Cold Highway, Cold Threat, Cold Hunt, Cold Truth, and To Die For.  You can probably tell the first 4 are by the same author, Mary Stone. The last one is by Willow Rose.

^Are any of those books your favorite? I’ve enjoyed ‘em all. I’ve read a lot of books from both authors.

Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? I don’t re-read books, actually. 

Which hobby is the lamest: stamp collecting or spoon collecting? I wouldn’t call either of them lame just cause it might not be something I’m personally interested in. Those bring some people joy.

What do you daydream about most often? My mind wanders off to random stuff, stuff I’m dealing with, stuff I’m anxious and stressed out about, etc.

Why is your favorite band your favorite band? I’ve listened to them since middle school, so we have a lot of history. I really just connect and relate to their lyrics and I love their music.

Do you have a favorite talk show host? Nah.

What do you wish you could afford at the moment? A beach home with my own private beach area. 

What is the most unusual color you've ever painted your nails? I can’t think of any “unusual” colors that I’ve painted them. 

Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I always take hot showers.

Have you ever made your own soap? No.

What's your favorite popsicle flavor? Not a popsicle fan.

Can you sleep with socks on? Yeah, I always have socks on.

When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? I’ve been frustrated and pissed with some things I’ve been dealing with lately. 

Name a band with the word 'red' in their title. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Do you have a favorite candle brand? I’m not a candle person. I just go for the room sprays.

How many years until you turn 38? 6. D:

What is your opinion on taxidermy? I find it super creepy and weird.

Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Uh, no.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? Let it get really knotted up. :/

What do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? Nothing.

What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m a total mess, I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend. 

How often do you indulge in a favorite food from your childhood? I eat ramen regularly.

Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? My damn nail picking habit. 

What is the nicest thing you've done for someone else in the past 24 hours? Nothing.

What sort of conditions do you require in order for you to fall asleep? It needs to be cool and I have to have the TV on.

What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Uhhh.

Do you have a favorite punk band? Green Day.

As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse and cheating. <<<

Be honest: do looks really matter to you? They’re like a bonus to me. <<<

Congratulations! Someone sent you flowers! What kind do you hope they are? I’m not picky, just a pretty assortment perhaps would be nice.

What type of underwear do you personally prefer to wear? Hipsters.

What is the grossest chore you've ever been assigned? Nothing gross.

What band (BESIDES IRON MAIDEN) comes to mind when I say 'iron'? I got nothin. 

Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? I had to go out and buy alcohol the day I turned 21.

Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? Wait, tell them I used to have feelings for them but don’t anymore? If I don’t anymore then why tell them about when I used to? Unless of course we were in a relationship and I no longer felt that way.

What color shirts do you tend to buy most often? Black.

Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah.

Where would you rather go: Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine? Portland, Oregon.

Name a band that begins with the letter Y. Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Tell me about someone who has made a huge impact in your life. My mom most definitely has.

What can I usually find you doing at 4pm on a weekday? At that time any day I’m likely still sleeping.

What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? I only eat the same few foods, so I eat them quite often. Like, I eat Wingstop 3-4 times a week...

Do you dot your lowercase i's? Yes.

What's the first song on your iPod/mp3 player that comes up under P? I use Spotify on my phone for music, but anyway nah I don’t feel like doing that. 

Do the words 'Amon' and 'Amarth' mean anything to you? No.

What's your favorite mythical being? I don’t really have a favorite.

Don't you hate surveys that end abruptly? As long as the question itself isn’t cut off, which I’ve seen, or it’s a numbered one and a question is completely missing then I don’t care.

Let's end this survey with a smile; tell me something funny. I’m not in a good mood to think of something funny right now.

[artificialqueens]

Landslide (Jan/Rock) - Aries

a/n - written for winter as part of our gc’s gift exchange! thanks as always to alex for beta-ing, and to stephanie’s child for providing a gorgeous cover of the titular song that i listened to for four hours straight while i wrote. also on ao3 here! <3

summary - jan moves across the country, and it isn’t as easy to adjust as she’d hoped. (a songfic based on landslide by fleetwood mac)

I took my love, I took it down / I climbed a mountain and I turned around / And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills / ‘Till the landslide brought me down

Jan decides to move out the summer after she turns eighteen, fresh out of high school and desperate for something, anything, better than the life she’s grown up to know. She pulls out a map of the states and a dartboard, closes her eyes and spins around a few times like a kid at a birthday party, and almost laughs herself sick when she sees fate has driven her to the opposite coast. She finds an apartment and spends a week or two sinking in the San Francisco life like the most cliche of tourists - tries all the instagram-worthy desserts, takes photos on every beach she can find, goes on sunrise hikes to the Golden Gate Bridge, and relishes in how different it is to home.

She meets Jaida one night at some club about half a mile from her apartment when it’s late and she’s too drunk to remember her name, and drags her home with her through giggles and clouds of smoke. She doesn’t think much of it when she’s gone the next morning, or when she just so happens to go to the same bar the next evening and just so happens to see Jaida waiting in the corner, drink in hand, dark eyes inviting and terrifying and beautiful and everything she needs. She doesn’t allow herself to think anything at all of it when it keeps happening; kisses are shared far more frequently than words, and she’s read enough trashy romance novels to know things like this come and go too quickly to warrant anything too domestic or comfortable. 

Despite this, she tries. She tries to make conversation through messed up white linen sheets and she tries not to be upset at the short answers she gets, if she gets them at all. She tries, above all else, to keep her head above water, because she’s learned fast that life here gets lonely, and an hour or two of feeling like she’s floating doesn’t neutralise the hurt in her stomach the morning after that weighs her down like rocks in her pockets. 

‘Don’t you want to stay?’ She asks Jaida one morning as she’s slipping on her shoes, ready to leave again. She looks back at Jan, visibly confused.

‘Jan,’ she sighs, standing up and twisting the doorknob, ‘you know that isn’t going to happen.’

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? / Can the child within my heart rise above? / Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? / Can I handle the seasons of my life?

She learns, faster than anything else, that the key to surviving when you’ve dropped yourself somewhere brand new is to pick one of two options and stick with it: you can either establish yourself as someone that sticks out of the norms, someone that grabs attention, or you can try your best to blend in and adapt, and act as if you’ve been there the whole time. She’s always been good at living life in shades of grey, fading into the background when she wants to, and she decides that now, she wants to, so she does. She gets a job working at the reception desk of an office building just far enough from her apartment for her to be able to class the walk there and back as sufficient exercise and gains friends that she has over sometimes, but not too often, and never for too long. 

She doesn’t frequent bars anymore - a girl her age moves in across the hall from her, and she doesn’t want to be the asshole that wanders in at two in the morning and wakes up her neighbours. They bump into each other in the halls, sometimes, and exchange a few words. One time, the girl - Jackie, apparently - invites her out for coffee, and she accepts. This isn’t blending in, insists the voice at the back of her head, but she’d look rude if she said no, so she allows herself this. Jackie’s from Iran, Jan learns, and she’s lived in California for the past year but only in San Francisco for a month, give or take. She works at a music store not too far from where they live, but can’t play any instruments (‘I just asked for the job, and they must have felt sorry for me!’), and her girlfriend is from Illinois but lives in LA, which is closer than they were originally but not close enough, and she’s a big fan of old TV dramas, and she talks a lot. It’s nice, Jan decides, to have to listen to a voice that isn’t her own. She thinks they’d be good friends, maybe, if they spoke more.

She falls into a routine more quickly than she’d like to admit. She wakes up at 7-ish, rolls reluctantly out of bed, fills her stomach with caffeine, and strides on into the office to greet one of the guys that works at the desk across her. He’s chipper as always, beaming through paperwork, somehow. He asks if Jan’s doing alright, she looks a bit pale, and Jan reflects his billion-dollar smile right back in his face and lies through gritted teeth. He doesn’t seem convinced, but doesn’t push. Jan clocks out that evening and walks home, averts her eyes when she passes the shitty bar she knows too well. She walks past Jackie in the hallway and smiles half-heartedly but doesn’t stop to talk, and she hates the way Jackie glances at her, eyes are full of pity as she watches her walk into her apartment.

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing / ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you / But time makes you bolder / Even children get older / And I’m getting older too

Jan’s phone rings at half past six in the morning every morning for a good week before she admits defeat and picks it up. The voice on the other end is too perky, too loud, to be heard that early, but it’s as comforting as it’s been her whole life, and she’s so glad to hear it she almost bursts into tears.

‘Jaaaaaan,’ Lagoona greets her, and Jan can hear the smile in her voice, ‘where the fuck have you been? I haven’t spoken to you in weeks!’

‘Busy,’ Jan replies, tries to make herself sound as convincingly happy as she can manage. ‘I’ve had a lot to do out here.’

‘Well, clear your calendar,’ comes the reply, and Jan has to stop herself from laughing - as if she’s seen anyone, or left the house for more than an hour at a time, for the past month. ‘We’re coming to see you.’

‘ We? ’ Jan questions. ‘As in, you and-’

‘Your whole family,’ Lagoona quips, ‘and your cat. No, duh, me and Rosé.’

Their flight lands at 10:40 on Friday night, and Jan runs herself ragged trying to make herself and her apartment presentable enough for them to take her seriously. When she leaves to catch an Uber to the airport, Jackie’s walking up the stairs.

‘Hey, you,’ she smiles, waving with one arm. ‘Nice to see you.’ The ‘going out for once’ is unspoken but obviously implied, but Jan doesn’t have the energy to get offended. She smiles, waves back, shoots back a ‘You, too,’ and runs down the stairs so she doesn’t miss the car. She greets Lagoona and Rosé at their gate with a bag of donuts and laughs at their excitement, accepts their running hugs with open arms. It’s 1am by the time they’re settled into Jan’s apartment and she’s thrown together a makeshift bed on the floor out of blankets and pillows she has lying around. It feels like a sixth-grade sleepover and it’s refreshing and comforting in a way nothing has been for months. 

Their three-day stay passes faster than any of them would like, and they’re lying in the dark on their final night talking absentmindedly about everything and nothing when Rosé sighs loudly and flicks on a lamp, sitting up and turning to Jan’s bed.

‘Jan, baby, we’re really worried about you,’ she sighs, genuine concern in her eyes. ‘I know you say you have it all together here, but you don’t seem happy.’

‘Of course I’m happy,’ Jan replies, smiling. ‘You guys are here. I’m having a great time.’

‘You know what I mean.’ Rosé looks at her, and she knows there’s no point lying. ‘I know you wanted a new start and I won’t push it, but if you’re not doing well, come home. We miss you.’

They spend the Uber drive to the airport talking about things Jan can do to make the most of west coast life, and Lagoona pulls a notepad and pen out of her purse, scribbling something down when she thinks Jan’s not looking. She hands it to her before she heads through security with Rosé, squeezing Jan’s hands and pulling her in for another hug. ‘If you don’t get all of this shit done in the next month, I’m flying you back to New York myself,’ she laughs. ‘Consider it a to-do list.’ Jan watches them walk off, waves at them through tears, and pulls the piece of notebook paper out of her pocket, unfolding it. Make a damn friend!!! is the first point. She laughs to herself, shoves the list back into her coat, and makes a beeline for the Starbucks in the arrivals lounge when someone bumps into her and knocks her phone out of her hand, sending it skidding to the floor.

‘Oh, fuck, I’m really sorry,’ says the person, bending down to grab her phone. Jan looks at her and smiles, shaking her head.

‘It’s no problem, don’t worry about it,’ she replies. The stranger holds out a hand for her to shake, and she obliges, despite how foreign it feels. 

‘I’m Roxanne,’ the girl smiles, and then her face scrunches up. ‘But nobody calls me that, ever, so I don’t know why I introduced myself that way at all. Rock. I’m Rock. And you?’

‘Jan,’ she says, slightly taken aback. She shoves her hand back into her pocket, and it closes around Lagoona’s list. ‘Hey, would you wanna go get some coffee, maybe?’

Oh, take my love, take it down / Oh, climb a mountain and turn around / And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills / Well, the landslide will bring it down

Come October, Jan’s decided to scrap the routine, but there are bits she likes to keep. She calls Lagoona and Rosé every Friday night at seven, for one, and they update each other on how their weeks went. She sees Jackie every day, obviously; now they’re working at the same store, they commute together and talk a lot more. Jackie’s girlfriend’s coming to stay for a week soon, she tells Jan when they’re walking home one evening, and she thinks it’d be a good idea if they all went out to get drinks or something - or coffee, she suggests, if that’s easier. 

‘It depends when,’ Jan smiles, but nods. ‘I’d love to, but you won’t be able to get me out of the house on Friday nights.’

Rock knocks on her apartment door later that night, a bag of Chinese takeout in one hand and a Legally Blonde DVD in the other.

‘You said you didn’t know what we could do,’ she grins, ‘so I thought this was pretty reliable.’ She strides inside, throwing the food onto the kitchen counter and pulling Jan into a hug. ‘I’m proud of you, you know.’

Jan laughs, hugs her back, pushes the door closed behind her with her foot. ‘For what?’

‘Just in general,’ Rock replies. ‘I think it’s nice to hear that sometimes. You wanna watch Reese Witherspoon go to law school while we eat, or after?’

Jan smiles a lot more now. Rock says it’s one of her favourite things about her, but Jan’s convinced she’d say that about anything, providing it’d make her blush. It makes a change, though she’s not sure it’s a bad one - she’s still not wholly used to seeing herself in brighter clothes and happier expressions in mirrors, but she’ll do what she can to stand out.

[amnachil]

To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 6

My uptade schedule is a mess right now :) But that’s usual so you’ll have to deal with it x)

Cody Thursday April 11

"Ah."

Hate. Disappointment. Repugnance. Cody felt all that in this one word. Their coach just put Thomas and him together for an exercise. This will be terrible. The teenager was suffering everyday. He felt like shit. He blamed himself for everything. The others were right : he had no right to stand next to the amazing ginger. He should just disappear. A rational part of himself knew some people had endured way worse for way longer. He also knew that maybe Thomas was to blame. But I love him. Still, I love him so much.

"Come here leech." ordered his crush. "I don't want to be the center of all the attention."

They went on a corner and started the training. At first, Cody sensed their classmates staring, but after a while, he forgot them. His eyes went on Thomas. According to the nurse data, he was 176 cm (5'9") and weighted 71 kg (156 pounds). He was so perfectly hansdome. His muscles bulged when he stretched. His green eyes where shining. He had delicate freckles, almost invisible.

"Did you learn your lesson ?" the ginger suddenly asked.

"Uh ? I... well... Yes. I'm sorry for everything. I know I screwed up." Cody replied quickly.

He's talking to me. I thought it would never happen again. Thomas frowned.

"Joël you're so annoying." he muttered and then continued louder : "Maybe I reacted a bit harshly. Just a bit but you didn't deserved all this hate. I'll tell everyone to stop now."

The dark-haired lad opened his mouth and shut it again. He... He was kind of apologising ? Am I dreaming ?

"Don't think I'm trusting you again." continued Thomas more aggressively. "I still resent you."

"Okay. I deserved it anyway. I'm sorry I've been so pushy with you and Ilhan all this time. I thought he was depressing and wrongly accused you so..."

"Hey, you don't need to talk." cut the ginger. "Just... be your old annoying self and don't talk to me."

And he left.

Cody went home lost in his thought. Thomas had talked to him. He was almost nice. Once locked in his bedroom, he ate his whole meal for the first time in month. The nurse had said he was a bit underweight by the way. I don't know what is this feeling ? Maybe it was relief. Or serenity. But for the first time in weeks, Cody slept peacefully.

Dan Saturday April 13

"I'll be straight. You're still growing fat. You have more mass muscle now for sure, but you're still gaining too much weight. What do you prefer ? Another kind of diet or we continue just like this ?"

Dan glanced at Sandra. Then, he looked at the number on the scale. 96 kg (211 pounds). 4 kg (9 pounds) in half a month.

"I know you usually don't like to talk about nutrition." continued his personnal coach. "Nonetheless, you'll keep getting bigger at this rate. I just want to be sure you know what you want ?"

He grunted. What I want is my boyfriend and some answers. Thomas's theory was messing with his head. He had dumbly rummaged through all Raphaël's stuff. He felt bad for having doubts. And the more he felt bad, the more he felt unworthy of the star athlete. Which brought him to this eternal thought : the ginger would soon find someone better and leave him. Dan couldn't blame Thomas for this. His friend was very supportive and he was doing his best to cheer him up. Same for Shirley and Carol. But he was turning crazy. Who the hell knew what Raphaël was doing abroad ? He could easily meet someone and bring them to his hotel room and they could... Stop this. I need to stop thinking like this.

"Earth to Dan Vince." waved Sandra. "Your decision ?"

"Honestly I don't care right now." he replied. "My weight is the less of my problem and I want it to keep it that way."

"Fine. So same routine than usual, go get ready."

When he arrived home, Dan received a call from the university. He had to attend overtime classes in order to graduate. Not the thing I needed right now. Thomas was already there and he smiled cheerfully when he saw him.

"I cooked diner."

"Cool. I need to stuff my face and forget how shitty the day was."

They sat around the table and he started with the big plate of pasta his friend handed him.

"Still preoccupied by my big brother ?" the ginger whispered. "I can see it's bothering you a lot..."

"Yeah... I don't know what to think anymore. I should trust him you know ? I feel bad."

Thomas nodded and let him finish the dish. Dan continued with mashed potatoes and then two big burgers. He didn't even realise that wasn't really a "healthy meal".

"I know the feeling..." assured his friend. "I want to trust him too but... I don't know what else it could be... He even doesn't answer your calls."

"Darren said he was probably busy with all the work." replied Dan.

"Yeah I would gladly think the same but..."

What ? Just spit it. You know something right ? Damn, the brown lad was getting bitter. All this stuff was so unbearable. He was scared, angry, tired and heart-broken at the same time.

"He answered to mom's call two times." whispered Thomas. "It looks like he's avoiding you on purpose..."

Dan finished his fifth plate. He stood up and smiled to his friend.

"I'm exhausted." he said. "Thanks for the diner, it was awesome. You're awesome."

He managed to go into his room before he cried. The world was falling apart.

Thomas Sunday April 14

He kindly rubbed the protesting stomach. With one expert hand, he made soft circle around the most painful spot. With his other hand, he gave Ilhan another treat. This one groaned. He swallowed. Slowly, he tried to stand up straight, but his weight prevented him to.

"Stay quiet." demanded Thomas. "You have a lot to eat yet."

A glint of panic crossed the other's eyes. He was already stuffed. His bloated belly was streching his too-tight shirt. The buttons looked ready to burst, which was exactly what the ginger wanted. The last few days had been hard, he deserved some pleasure. Ilhan managed to eat three more pastries. They heard a popping sound. His shirt opened wide, unveiling the glory that was his bloated gut.

"Nice." whispered Thomas.

Seing Dan so sad was very difficult. The poor college student was suffering because of Raphaël. But it's only a matter of days. Then, everything will be okay. I'll take care of him. Two donuts later, Ilhan grunted.

"I can't... eat... burp... more."

"You'll stop when I say so."

The ginger sat astride his feedee. His bare skin touched the oversized belly. He gently rubbed his six-pack against it. One hand grapped another pastry.

"We're getting to the fun part." he moaned.

And yes they were.

Once he had satisfied all his needs, Thomas left Ilhan. He had an important meeting with Darren. This one lived next to the Vince's family. Since he was a bachelor, he only occupied a third of the house. He greeted the ginger politely.

"We'll have to keep things professional." he precised. "Until the end of the year, I'm still your teacher and it would be dramatic for the highschool if we were spotted talking together. They're very strict since what happened last year with the Strucker boy."

"First of all, don't ever talk about Liam in front of Raphaël or me please. This isn't a topic we like to  think about. He's our friend and we don't like all the bad rumors spreading about him."

Darren apologized quickly, and offered some snacks.

"Did Raphaël ask you to come over ?" he asked. "I mean, I wouldn't be surprised since he hates me... He wants you to pass the message right ?"

"Not at all. To be honest, big bro and I never talked about you." replied Thomas. "Just relax, I'm here to help, not to spy on you."

The ginger smiled. He knew his warmth had less effect on Darren, but it worked anyway.

"Yeah you're right, sorry. So, can you tell me how I can appease Raphaël ?"

Should I ask what exactly happened between them ? It would be nice to know the detail, but the teacher could become wary again. Plus, Thomas didn't need much more intel now that Dan was doubting. A proof will be enough.

"I guess you already told him you were only thinking about Dan's happiness ? You should prove it too. Do you have any old photos of you two ?"

"Sure. Let me find them."

Darren went to the garage to search in his old boxes. The teenager took the opportunity to go through the living room curiously. And he found a godsend proof. A rough draft of a letter. Wednesday is the day I win. Be ready big bro.

To be continued

Welp things are rough. Cody’s living hell is not totally over but there is progress right ? 

In the meantime, Dan is the new victim of Thomas’s scheme. The young ginger said it himself : he’s so winning this. 

[ranwing]

Kadam Fic: Learning to Fly (12/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 (rating may change) Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 12/? Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven

On AO3

A/N - Sorry for the delay in getting this part finished. Getting sick last month set me back a bit. Thanks so much for sticking with me because I really appreciate all of my readers.

Rachel rushed down the block, knowing that she was running late. The mandatory hair and makeup workshop set up by the costuming team ran longer than she’d planned, and she had vastly underestimated what a chore it was to clean up when she’d made her date with Neil. The timing wasn’t great, but between both their class schedules and her every-increasing rehearsal burden, this was one of the few chances she’d have to see him before she went into tech. And after their successful first coffee date, she didn’t want to let it pass by. She’d have just enough time to see him for a cup of coffee and a snack before she was due back in school.

She finally arrived at the Third Rail Coffee Shop, chosen because it was conveniently between NYU and NYADA and dashed inside, hoping that she hadn’t kept Neil waiting too long. Arriving late so early in a relationship made a terrible impression, but so would showing up covered in thick grease paint looking suspiciously like she had some sort of unpleasant social disease.

Looking about the shop, she couldn’t help from smiling when she saw that he’d not only already beaten her there but staked out a table but had already procured refreshments. He noticed her hurried entrance and grinned, the brightness of his smile causing an intriguing tingle to bubble up within her. As should be expected from a proper gentleman, he stood at her approach.

“Hi Rachel,” he greeted happily, his warm eyes shining.

She felt her cheeks warming. How did she ever think he was plain looking? That smile was causing her stomach to flip in all kinds of interesting ways.

“Hi,” she said softly, smiling back. She stood up on her toes to press a polite kiss of greeting to his cheek. “Sorry I’m so late. Our workshop ran a bit longer than expected.”

“It’s okay,” he assured her, holding out her chair so she could sit down. “I’m just annoyingly punctual. I’m almost always the one kept waiting, so don’t feel bad.”

Rachel couldn’t help from thinking how adorable it was that he painted what anyone else would consider to be a virtue as some sort of personal failing.

“I hope I got your order right,” Neil said as he took his own seat.

Rachel took a quick sip, trusting that he did and marveling that he cared enough to even try after one date. “Vanilla latte with soy milk. Perfect,” she assured him, earning another brilliant smile from her suitor.

He pushed a plate across the table towards her. “I figured that you��d probably be hungry,” he offered, and Rachel nearly beamed in delight. He’d even remembered that she’d liked the hibiscus glazed donuts the last time they’d met.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “We have rehearsals starting at five, and I’ve got no idea when I’ll have a chance to grab dinner tonight.”

“Well, don’t forget to take care of yourself,” Neil urged, looking a little concerned for her. “Even if you just take some snacks for when you have a break. Honestly, I don’t know where you and Kurt find the energy to do this on top of your classes.”

She just offered a tired smile. “It’s easy when you love it,” she explained. “All the hard work really pays off when you’re standing in front of an audience and all they see is an amazing story that they’re transported into. That’s when it all becomes worthwhile.”

Neil nodded in understanding. “I know that you have to love it,” he acknowledged. “I mean, I live with two performers and seeing them absolutely living for those moments that they go on stage… there’s no way to do that unless it’s what you love.”

His smile grew wider and there was a teasing glint in his eyes. “Even if you end up walking around with makeup smears on your neck.”

Rachel’s hand shot up to her throat and she felt the telltale tackiness of the cosmetics that she’d applied earlier that afternoon. Her fingertips came away covered in the makeup that she’d used to simulate dirt over her exposed skin.

“Oh damn… I thought that I got it all,” she insisted. Wiping off her hands on a napkin he offered her, she reached for the mirror in her purse and saw that she did have streaks of brown and grey all over the side of her neck where her hair had hidden it. “Wonderful… it looks like I haven’t bathed in the past six months.”

Neil couldn’t help from laughing. “Wasn’t that the point,” he asked playfully. “What are you supposed to be int hat scene? Peasant number twelve?”

Rachel chuckled in response. “More like prostitute number eight,” she clarified. “And this after spending about twenty minutes cleaning up. I looked like a hungover panda.”

Neil laughed again. “Now that would have been something to see. You would be one skanky looking prostitute.”

Rachel couldn’t help from smiling. From anyone else that might have come across like an insult, but she immediately recognized it for the joke that it was. Neil might not have a real appreciation for performing, but he seemed to have a lot of tolerance and a sense of amusement about the foibles of the profession that so many of the people around him aspired to. She’d never really been interested in spending time with someone like Neil, but now found herself looking forward to every minute.

“So how’s that lab going for you?” she asked, remembering his playful complaints about one of his classes during their last meeting. “Is your partner still trying to make you neurotic?”

Neil shook his head. “No, he seems to be settling down,” he assured her with a chuckle. “I could do without having Erica in the class, but she seems as determined to keep things civil as I am.”

“Erica?” Rachel asked curiously.

Neil nodded. “She’s… well, we dated for a while,” he explained a bit cautiously, gaging Rachel’s reaction.

She felt a momentary pang of jealousy that there was someone that Neil had been involved with in the not too distant past, but she knew that it wasn’t something reasonable for her to get worked up over. At their age, there would be a good number of exes in both their histories and getting upset over Neil’s past relationships was a bit silly.

“What happened?” she asked carefully, not wanting to press if he didn’t want to talk about a breakup that she got the sense wasn’t that long ago. She hoped that he was really over it because she wasn’t looking forward to being a rebound.

“I think it was a class of just never getting a break from one another,” he admitted with a shrug. “We met at school and we’re in same program, so we hit it off really well. It seemed kind of natural since we’re both looking to work in the same field and we had a lot in common. Her dad is a cop and mine works for the government. It was easy for us to talk. I mean, I don’t usually meet too many women who are interested in what I’m doing, let alone understand much of it.”

Rachel nodded in understanding. “I can see why that’s appealing. My last boyfriend was also a NYADA student,” she admitted. “It seemed like the perfect situation, but it didn’t take long before I saw that we really weren’t well-matched outside of our career aspirations.”

Admittedly, that was a very sanitized version of what happened with Brody, Rachel considered. She wasn’t quite ready to blurt out that she’d dumped her last relationship because her boyfriend had a socially unacceptable way of funding his education. Neither of them handled the revelation well, with her judgmental nature and his defensiveness, so it wasn’t much of a wonder that whatever existed between hem quickly and permanently fizzled.

“It was kind of the same thing with Erica,” Neil explained. “Not that she wasn’t terrific, but I just found that even when we weren’t at school that all we tended to do was talk about our classwork. Or things that we read in professional journals. It was like our lives didn’t exist except for work. There wasn’t any real downtime for us, and I started to see that except for our work, we really didn’t have that much in common. We didn’t talk about anything else and I was just tired. And even though we broke up months ago, we can’t help from seeing each other all the time.”

Rachel nodded in understanding. It had been something of a relief to her when he got cast in a show out of town and she wouldn’t have to see him every day. She could only imagine how unpleasant it must be for Neil to be sharing so many classes with someone that he’d been involved with.

He sipped at his coffee thoughtfully. “I think that’s one of the reasons why I like living with Elliot and Dani,” he theorized. “Because we’re such different people, the time I spent with them is a real break from my work. It doesn’t matter that I don’t get half of what they’re up to… it’s just interesting being around a different kind of energy.”

Rachel found that admission utterly charming. “Pretty much everyone I’ve ever been involved with has been a performer of some kind. I have to admit that you’re probably the first guy that I’ve ever liked that wasn’t an actor or singer.”

“I’m just special like that,” he teased playfully, giving her a wry wink.

Yes, you definitely are, Rachel thought as she sipped her latte. She felt relaxed in his presence, knowing that she didn’t need to put on a show for him. While there as something that she’d always liked about the chemistry she could find with guys like Jesse and Finn who were performance as much as romantic partners, this felt oddly comfortable. And she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

But there was nothing wrong with seeing where this went and enjoying the ride.

* * *

Taking time to do absolutely nothing of consequence was not something that came naturally to Kurt. Not with his current schedule and the incessant demands for excellence. Having a rare hour with nothing planned or required during the day was something that Kurt very much cherished, and he’d learned the hard way to indulge himself when the moment was presented. His first instinct would always be to use that time to study or practice, leaving him exhausted by the end of his long days. Taking a bit of time to actually relax in the school common area with a cup of tea and doing a bit of frivolous web surfing did wonders for his mental outlook.

Kurt knew that no matter how demanding his teachers were, he tended to be more demanding on himself than anyone. It had taken him quite some time, but he’d finally come to accept that no matter how much pressure he felt in his classes and rehearsals that he still needed to give himself some time to rest mentally and physically. It hadn’t come easily but he could already see the benefit he was deriving from the self-imposed downtime. He was no longer facing the mounting challenges ahead with such dread. He was able to give a better effort in his classes and rehearsals because he wasn’t exhausting himself every waking second of the day.

Once he’d updated his fashion blog with a few pictures of an outfit inspired by the outfit he’d worn while performing at Elliot’s cabaret, he checked his social media feeds to see what was going on with his friends. He probably shouldn’t have been too surprised that the primary topic of discussion amongst his friends was confirming plans to come to New York and see their show, but it still warmed his heart. For all the drama and insanity that their group had seen over the years, it was gratifying to see that so many loyal friendships had been forged.

He’d known what Finn was, of course, coming to see them. Reading his brother’s latest posting on Facebook left Kurt chuckling to himself at seeing Finn’s excitement over his upcoming trip and bragging to the rest of the group that he’d get to see the show before everyone else since the Hummels would be attending the opening night gala. Plans had already been confirmed for him to fly first to Washington and spend some time with their parents since it had been a few months since he’d seen his mother. The three of them would travel to New York together and would be staying in a hotel not far from the theater.

As delighted as Kurt was to see his brother, it was tempered with the disappointment that Sam and Puck would not be joining them. Money for the three of them was tight and while the Hummels would have happily paid for their plane tickets and he had no doubt that Rachel and the others would have found a way to squeeze them into the loft, it just wasn’t going to work out. Their boss in Texas was a great guy, but the company was busy and he couldn’t allow all three of them to take off several days at the same time. In the end, there had been no argument that it was more important for Finn to have the chance to see his brother. There would be other chances for Puck and Sam to see Kurt perform in the future.

Quinn had emailed him, confirming that she would be driving from school and would be staying in the loft, giving Santana a chance to reconnect with one of her oldest friends and Kurt was looking forward to seeing her. But it was Mercedes’s email that brought a real smile to his face. For a few weeks, it hadn’t been certain if she would be able to attend at all since her album was nearing completion and her label would not tolerate any delays that might interfere with its release. It was entirely understandable, and Kurt had resigned himself being disappointed.

She wanted to make sure that there was still a ticket for her because she’d managed to work things so that she could be in New York in time to see the show at the end of its run. Her label wanted her to meet with their publicist in New York and she managed to coordinate her meeting with the show because there was no way that she was going to miss seeing her “boy”.

Kurt wrote back to let her know that he was thrilled to be seeing her and that, of course, there was a ticket for her. He was deeply appreciative that she went through so much effort to schedule a meeting that could be important to her own career around his show and knew that no matter how busy his week was, he really needed to find a way for them to spend a few hours together while she was in town. At the oldest and most enduring of his friends, he owed her no less.

Having so many friends traveling to see their show eased the disappointment over the ones that couldn’t attend. Besides Sam and Puck, Mike had sent his sincere regrets. He was too tied up with his own classes and performances and couldn’t take a few days off at this point. Brittany had taken a job at a local dance school while attending school herself and her students were in the middle of preparations for their spring recitals. Kurt emailed them both to let them know that he understood, and they would be missed. The sentiment was sincere, and he hoped that he would have a chance to see them performing in their own venues at a later date.

Blaine made no comment about the show and if he intended to see it or even showing even the most remote interest. His few recent posts made note of his own activities and bemoaning how he missed everyone but seemed to be deliberately avoiding any conversations about Kurt’s and Rachel’s upcoming show. In all honesty, Kurt was relieved over Blaine’s tendency to ignore anything that he couldn’t appropriate attention from. Neither he nor Rachel had made any overtures to him on the matter. While Kurt wanted to keep his ex as far away as possible, he could admit that he was just petty enough to hope that Blaine finds out just how well he was doing.

He and Rachel and decided to play a joke on their friends and not tell anyone that Kurt had been elevated from chorus to primary, hoping to surprise them. Of course, the secret would be out after the first performance and between NYADA’s social media and the very efficient New Directions grapevine, Kurt was fairly sure that the news would reach Blaine without too much delay.

He’d already found out from Rachel that Mr. Schuester would be arriving in New York to see their show and she’d arranged for him to see the Sunday matinee so that he wouldn’t miss work with his choir back in Lima. Part of Kurt wondered if he shouldn’t be more annoyed that it was Rachel’s invitation that their old teacher had responded to, but in the end, it just wasn’t worth losing sleep over. Rachel had always been Mr. Schuester’s special favorite and he doubted that anything would ever change that fact.

At least Mr. Schue’s wife had the consideration to repond to Kurt’s invitation herself. Emma Schuester apologized that she was not able to attend with her husband because their new baby was just too young to travel and she couldn’t leave him with a sitter just yet, but that she was very proud of him and wished him well for his performances. He wrote her back a short note, expressing that he understood and would miss her. He really would. Emma had a good and kind heart and he had not forgotten how she’d her best to try to help him back in high school.

Whatever slight he might have felt from Mr. Schuester was more than made up by the fact that he had his own McKinley faculty offering her peculiar brand of support. He hadn’t been sure if Coach Sylvester would actually want to attend his show, but he was pleased when she responded with a firm commitment that she would come. He offered to secure a ticket for whatever performance she found convenient to attend, promising the best seat in the house, but she assured him that she had made her own arrangements and was looking forward to seeing him. At his query over what night she was coming, her response was quick and typical of her usual bluntness.

None of your bee’s wax, Porcelain. You’ll see me when I get there. Just make sure you do a good job and make using my frequent flyer miles worthwhile. Remember… you’re still representing the Cheerios.

He couldn’t help from smiling, seeing the gentle teasing behind the brusque words. He knew Sue Sylvester well enough to recognize what a rare honor he was being paid. The abrasive woman was many things, not the least of which being at least a little insane, but he understood that he was one of the very few people who had managed to earn her honest respect and fully realized how special a tribute that was. Knowing that she was going out of her way to support him gave him a sense of satisfaction that few others could inspire. And he wondered what her response would be at seeing him the primary in such a significant role.

A shadow fell over his table as another student approached. “Hi Kurt. Got a minute?”

Kurt looked up to smile at Merry, always happy to see any of the Apples. “Hey… sure!” he answered brightly, moving his bad so she could sit. “Grab a seat. What’s going on?”

The tall young woman seemed quite happy about something as she grinned at her mentor. “Well, I did it,” she informed him with a twinkle in her eyes. “I did exactly what you told me to for my critique.”

Kurt sat up straight, his grin widening. “Seriously?”

She nodded, her haphazardly-done braid falling over her shoulder. “Yup!” she pronounced proudly. “I did both ‘Buenos Aries’ and ‘Rainbow High’ and switched up the key and arrangement to fit my voice better.”

“And? What did Madam Tibideaux say?” he asked eagerly, knowing that the response had to have been positive judging from the way Merry seemed too pleased.

“Well…. I do have to work on my projection more. And she warned that I can get a little screechy when trying to push my upper register. But otherwise… it was good!” Merry laughed, clapping her hands happily. “She said that I had presence and I understood the character and that I was finally starting to show what I am really capable of.”

He couldn’t resist reaching out to pull the young woman into a tight hug. “Oh, that’s fantastic,” he praised. “I knew you had it in you!”

She nodded, wiping at her eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t pushed me to,” she insisted with a shy smile. “I figured after the way my last critique went that I didn’t have anything to lose.”

Kurt nodded understandingly. “I know how that feels,” he confided. “Sometimes feeing like you’re up against the wall is what you need to unleash what you need. You just needed to get out of your own way. I’m so damn proud of you!

“And you’re going to have to do them for us the next time the Apples get together,” he warned. “Once we’re done with the insanity of this show.”

Merry giggled and nodded. “Have you totally lost your sanity yet?” she teased.

He chuckled ruefully. “Not yet, but check after tech week,” he advised.

Merry smiled again, getting to her feet. “Well, I won’t keep you because I know that you’re crazy busy. I just wanted to say thanks for your help,” she said gratefully. “I’m not going to lie… I wasn’t sure if I could really hack it here. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have the Apples and you.”

“It was my pleasure,” he assured her, delighted for her accomplishment. “I’m totally thrilled for you. And I promise that we will start having regular gettogethers once we’re done with the show.”

Merry nodded understandingly. “I’m going to hold you to that,” she warned playfully. “Have fun at rehearsal! I’m looking forward to hearing all your stories.”

As the younger student strolled away, a clear bounce in her step from having finally satisfied their most demanding teacher. Kurt smiled to himself, feeling great gratification on behalf of a kindred spirit and sipped at his tea. This was just the kind of good news that would set his mood for what promised to be a brutal rehearsal.

* * *

“A toast!” Analisa shouted, trying to be heard over the din of conversation and music around her. She raised her wine glass. “To our last successful rehearsal and the start of tech week!”

“Here, here,” Jamie called out, raising his beer.

“And farewell to sleep and free time for the duration,” Kurt quipped with a wry grin.

Rachel nodded. “Thank God we’ve got two days off before Hell Week begins,” she reminded the group, nodding in agreement at their grateful moans. They were certainly going ot need to rest up.

It was amazing how quickly the past few weeks had flown by, Kurt mused at his sipped at his drink and reached around Santana for the chips. Between classes, work and rehearsals, it had seemed like he was on a never-ending treadmill and there were times when he’d barely had a moment to look about and see where he was. Tech week promised to be brutal, then a set of dress rehearsals before their official opening night.

Everyone was absolutely exhausted from all the work and he was glad that Rachel invited their friends to the loft for drinks and dinner, so they could decompress a bit and celebrate what they’ve accomplished. Santana grumbled about her night off being invaded but was appeased by her girlfriend arriving armed with two bottles of Gewürztraminer and a promise to sleep over to soothe Santana’s ruffled feathers. Elliot followed along so he could see Kurt before his friend vanished into an endless cycle of tech rehearsals. When Artie and Tina arrived home from class, it turned into a veritable party.

Tina raised her glass. “Well, here’s to what’s going to be a fantastic show with the most amazing cast. You guys are certainly going to give the rest of us a lot to live up to.”

Rachel sat down next to Kurt, sipping at her wine. “I can’t believe it’s almost here,” she marveled. “After all the work we’ve done… it feels almost unreal.”

“Well, for all I’ve heard you bitching about it,” Santana teased with a lack of any real venom, knowing just how to needle her friend. “I’m just glad that it’s almost over and we can get back to our normal level of insanity around here.”

Dani was sitting on the floor, leaning against Santana’s legs so that her girlfriend could play with her hair. “Oh, knock it off,” she reprimanded playfully, giving Santana’s thigh a little pinch. “You’re just as excited as the rest of us about seeing the show.”

Elliot nodded in agreement. “True that,” he confirmed happily. “I’m always one for a big spectacle and this one is promising to be huge!”

“Shame that we can’t go to the opening night,” Artie mused regretfully. “I understand that they want the first night for press and VIPs, but that would have been something to see.”

“You’re all coming later in the week,” Kurt reminded him. Between the bank of tickets offered to himself and Rachel for family and friends, they’d managed to reserve tickets for all their friends to see the show at some point.

“I can’t believe that your dad gets to see opening night,” Rachel groused playfully, the glint in her eyes betraying her teasing. “Just because he’s a congressman. My dads were very put out that they have to wait until the second night.”

“At least we’ll have the opening night jitters out of the way,” Kurt consoled. “And any last performance kinks.”

Tina held out her wine glass to be refilled. “Kurt, when is Adam coming to see the show?” she asked. “Maybe Artie and I will wait to do that night, so he doesn’t have to go alone.”

Kurt’s smile froze just for a second, growing slightly brittle before he composed himself. “That’s very nice of you to offer, Tina, but you two should just go on the night you originally planned,” he advised with as much cheer as he could manage.

Rachel frowned, knowing Kurt well enough to see the subtle shift in her friend’s mood. “Adam is coming to see the show, isn’t he?” she asked gently.

Kurt sighed and shook his head, his disappointment over the matter readily apparent.

Santana’s dark eyes sparked with anger. “That asshole!” she spat furiously, offended on her friend’s behalf. “After the way you rushed to Boston to see him?” She started to curse in Spanish, her face becoming flushed as she ranted about the absent Englishman’s lack of consideration.

“Santana, it’s okay,” Kurt insisted, his eyes wide at her response. “I told him that it was okay.”

“Are you kidding me?” Santana snapped, turning a frustrated look to him. “I thought that we were done with you letting people walk all over you!”

Rachel nodded in agreement with their prickly friend. “Kurt, you know that we love Adam and normally, I think he’s really been good for you,” she insisted, not wanting to put Kurt on the defensive about his relationship. “But this is a really big deal for you. You’re not just in the chorus now, and it’s strange that he’s not making more of an effort to come.”

Kurt’s mouth drew into a tight line and Rachel realized that she and Santana had probably overstepped a bit. The mood in the room cooled at the sudden tension the others sensed in their friend.

“Look… I appreciate that you both are worried about me,” he said evenly, clearly making an effort to snap at them because his knew that his friends were acting out of concern. “But Adam and I already spoke about this and I told him that I understood why he wouldn’t be coming.”

He turned a firm stare to Santana, cutting off any chance she had to retort in response. “Adam’s show is moving on to Chicago while we’re in tech,” he explained with measured calmness. “Professionally, this is critical for him. They’re performing at a very prestigious venue, and there’s going to be a lot of media attention on their show. That means critics and agents. After Los Angeles, this is the most important stop on the tour for them and a good showing there might help the chances of them getting picked up for a run in New York.”

He focused his attention then to Rachel, wanting to make sure that he was being clear on things. “To see me, he’d have to fly to New York and then back to Chicago all in one day. And he’d still end up missing an evening’s performance. That’s just too much for him right now,” Kurt insisted firmly. “He can’t be missing shows at this stage and I was the one who told him not to come. I don’t want him stressed out when he needs to be focusing on his work.

That had been a painfully difficult telephone call, listening to Adam frantically looking at flight schedules and trying to work how he could possible fly in to see Kurt’s show without missing any of his own and growing despondent when no workable solution became apparent. Kurt had assured Adam that he wasn’t at all upset because he did understand that Adam would be there if there was any way possible. The timing just wasn’t in their favor this time around and he didn’t want Adam to beat himself up over something that he had no real control over.

Santana frowned, still clearly not happy with the situation but knowing better than to try arguing the point with Kurt. Rachel, however, couldn’t help from pressing the issue.

“Isn’t there any way he can come, just for one day?” she asked plaintively. “I know that he’ll hate missing out on seeing you perform.”

Kurt smiled sadly and shook his head. “He was ready to buy his plane tickets and take the red-eye back to Chicago afterwards, but I talked him out of it,” he explained. “The timing just wasn’t going to work and there will be plenty of other times he’ll get to see me on the stage. But I’m not going to allow him to be made to feel badly that he has to work. Is that clear?”

Santana bit her lip, looking like she was ready to argue the point but relented under Kurt’s adamant stare. “All right,” she granted reluctantly. “I’ll let Lord Fauntleroy off the hook. This time.”

Kurt reached out to pull Santana close, gratified by her willingness to defend him, even against his own boyfriend if need be. “Thank you,” he said gently, kissing her on the forehead. “But really… it’s okay. Don’t hold it against Adam. For me?”

She nodded. “For you,” she promised. “But if he misses your next show…”

Kurt smiled. “I promise that I’ll let you go all Lima Heights on him,” he assured her.

“Hey, just be grateful that your boyfriend at least appreciates what you do,” Analisa chimed in, trying to defuse some of the tension that had intruded on their celebration. “Michael won’t dare miss the show, but all of this just goes right over his head.”

Rachel laughed, nodding in understanding. “I know what you mean. This guy that I started seeing,” she added with a teasing glint in her eyes. “He’s the same way. Neil seems more amused than anything else.”

Elliot chuckled, reaching over to ruffle Kurt’s hair. “There, you see? You might be better off with someone who’s not an actor so he’d always be at your disposal.”

“I still can’t believe that you’re dating my girlfriend’s roommate,” Santana groused at Rachel. “This is incestuous, even by New Directions standards. All we need now is for Kurt to start dating the glitter vampire.”

Kurt shook his head, his mood lightening. “Nah… Elliot’s great but I’ll keep the man that I have,” he insisted lightheartedly, giving Elliot a mischievous wink. As disappointed as he’d been, he was more gratified by Adam’s sincere distress about missing his show that he would be by a partner who wouldn’t truly grasp how important this was for him and just went through the motions of showing dutiful support.

Rachel leaned in to give Kurt a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the kitchen to refresh some of the snacks being devoured by hungry performers and their friends. As she poured out bags of chips into bowls, she considered just how differently her life had turned out from how she’d expected. She couldn’t say that she was unhappy despite the disappointments and setbacks she’d dealt with, but it wasn’t at all what she’d imagined.

It was with a heavy trace of embarrassment that she recognized just how childish her vision of what she’d thought her life in New York would be when she first stepped off that train with her little pink suitcase. Back then, her head had been filled with immature dreams of near immediate stardom. That she would set foot in New York and her unique talents would be immediately recognized, and she would be launched into nearly instantaneous stardom. And at first, it seemed that was exactly how things would go. Her invite to the Winter Showcase just proved how special she was and that she really did deserve the regard that she’d imagined was her due.

Even Kurt’s presence was imagined as being more of a supporter than a peer, she realized with shame. She hadn’t anticipated having actual friends because of her cutthroat image of what she believed the theater world was like. Her dreams hadn’t included real equals among her classmates and instead found people who were willing to support her but didn’t hesitate to challenge her. It had been difficult to recognize that their dreams and aspirations were just as valid as hers, and that fulling hers didn’t take precedence over theirs. Being taken down a few pegs and nearly flunking out on account of her own arrogance had been humiliating but opened herself up in a way that Rachel knew she never would have otherwise.

New Directions had come to be important to her back in high school. Maybe she had at first seen the group as simple props that allowed her a place to be featured as a performer, but over time they had become the first set of real friends that she could claim in her life. She hadn’t through that she might find a similar situation at NYADA. Not that they weren’t competitive, but she finally understood that it didn’t mean that they couldn’t be supportive of one another and ready to cheer on the successes of others.

Kurt came into the kitchen to help her carry the snacks back to the group and saw the thoughtful expression on her face. “Everything okay?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

She blinked, her thoughts drawn back to the present and turned a warm smile to her dearest friend. “Yes… I was just thinking,” she admitted. She looked at the group gathered in her living room, old friends and new blending and getting along in an easy manner that she’d never experienced before.

“I never thought I would find this again,” she explained. Kurt would understand, she knew. Because Kurt knew her better than anyone else. “Back in high school, the way we all came together… I never thought that we would find anything like that here.”

Kurt nodded, placing his arm about her and pulled her close. “It feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked. “Opening yourself to real friendships. Stardom and fame are all well and good, but I don’t think I’d want any of that if it meant being alone.”

He wouldn’t, she realized, resting hr head against his chest and savoring his warm presence. “There was a time when that was all that was important to me,” she acknowledged. “I don’t know if that was because I didn’t have anyone that I was really close to and I was using being a star as a substitute for having friends.”

Kurt understood where Rachel was coming from. “You know, wanting to be a star isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” he reminded her. “But it’s nice to have people to share it with. You’re not pushing people away to protect yourself anymore.”

Rachel closed her eyes, enjoying the simple pleasure of having her friend with her. He was right, she knew. But then, Kurt was often right about most things. She knew that she could be foolish at times and tended to see success as a zero-sum game. Learning that celebrating the success of someone that she cared about could be nearly as pleasurable as enjoying her own had come as something of a revelation.

“Hey Rachel,” Katya called out, her cheeks rosy from the two glasses of wine she’d already drunk. “I was telling the others what great prostitutes we make. Tell them!”

Rachel laughed brightly, nodding in agreement. “I have to agree,” she confirmed playfully. “I suppose that if we totally fail at acting that we could fall back on that.”

“Uh, yeah… not happening,” Jamie insisted, hugging his giggling his girlfriend from behind and lifting her up as if to pull her away from Rachel’s bad influence. That got the whole group laughing.

Rachel grinned as she and Kurt carried bowls of snacks back to the group. While she couldn’t say with any real honesty that if the opportunity to play Éponine presenting itself that she wouldn’t fight tooth and nail to get it, she wouldn’t trade a moment like this for anything.

* * *

Niall looked to his roommate as he pulled on his jacket. “I’ll just go out with the others for a pint or two,” he confirmed. “That should give you both a little privacy.”

Adam smiled gratefully. “Thanks mate,” he said sincerely. “I owe you one.”

The other Englishman just shrugged. “It’s not like I haven’t kicked you out to get some alone time for Cynthia and me,” he reminded. “I know that once he goes into tech, you’re not going to be speaking with him much.”

Adam nodded morosely. If they spoke late at night after he got back from the theater for five minutes before they fell asleep, they’d be lucky. And then once Kurt’s show started it’s run… this might be their last “date night” for the next couple of weeks.

Niall patted his friend on the shoulder. “Say hi to Kurt for me,” he urged as he slipped into his jacket. “See you later.”

Refusing to dwell on his concerns about what the next few weeks might entail, Adam was determined that this would be a cheerful talk with his lover. He got out his laptop and checked himself in the mirror because Kurt deserved to have him looking decently. He combed his hair and checked that his shirt was clean before settling down on his bed and opening the Skype program, waiting for Kurt to log in.

It was about ten minutes later that a chime alerted Adam that Kurt was on-line, and a video screen appeared. When Kurt’s fact came into focus, Adam felt his spirts lift immediately.

“Hello sweetheart,” he greeted cheerfully, his smile so wide that he thought his face might crack.

“Hi honey!” Kurt chirped back, settling down comfortably in front of his computer. “How did your show go tonight?”

“Splendid as always,” Adam assured him. “We’re at the point where we’re all really comfortable with things and can play around a bit more with the staging.”

“And Dad and Carole are treating you well?” Kurt asked.

“If your stepmum feeds me anymore, I won’t fit in my costume,” Adam complained teasingly. “She seems to think that we’re being starved on the road.”

“I did warn you,” the younger man laughed. “But better you than me, right now. The last thing our costumers need is to completely remake my costumes because I put on a few pounds.”

“Ohh… does that mean there are tight pants?” Adam asked, waggling his eyebrows teasingly. “I mean, Enjolras is supposed to be very sexy.”

Kurt laughed brightly, reclining on his side so he could be seen more clearly. “You’ll just have to wait to see the dress rehearsal photos,” he warned. “But I do have it on the word of some of the girls that I should have nothing to complain about.”

“How are the girls?” Adam asked, leaning back. “Has Rachel totally lost her mind yet?”

Kurt grinned and shook his head. “Surprisingly, no. She’s actually been in a really good place,” he assured his boyfriend. “I can’t believe sometimes just how different she is compared to last year. I’d probably be going completely insane if it weren’t for her. She and Santana have been pretty amazing.”

Adam smiled, pleased that Kurt was getting the level of support that he needed.

“And I can’t believe how Rachel has really teamed up with Analisa and Katya,” Kurt informed him. “It’s like they’re forming their own girl gang.”

“That’s good, sweetheart,” Adam reminded him. “She needs to make more friends.”

“I do think it’s really helping her,” Kurt agreed. “I just never thought that I’d see her like this. You would think that she’d be going nuts, plotting how to get them to give her Éponine. But she really seems invested in her roles and I think she’s going to be amazing.”

Adam nodded, but it wasn’t Rachel’s well-being that he was concerned about.

“How are you, darling?” he asked gently. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.”

Kurt sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m okay,” he insisted. “Just a little tired. At least I’ve got the weekend to relax before we go into tech.”

“Promise me that you will actually relax,” Adam urged, not hiding his concern for the younger man. One of the things that he loved best about Kurt was how dedicated he was, and his drive was nothing short of a wonder to behold. But he knew that Kurt would push himself to the point of breaking and when facing the kind of challenge that he was, Adam wouldn’t put it past him to spend the weekend practicing on his own.

“I will,” Kurt swore. “I know that if I don’t give myself some down time, I’m going to be totally burned out by the end of our run. And I still have the rest of the semester to get through.”

“Good. So, tell me everything,” Adam urged.

“What’s to tell?” Kurt commented, shrugging a bit. “The whole cast is absolutely amazing and when we do the big group numbers… it’s amazing to be a part of something like that. I’ve never heard those songs sound like that.”

Adam smiled, pleased that Kurt’s production was going well. “I’m so looking forward to seeing what the school elects to post on line.”

“Part of me is glad that I’m being kept so busy,” Kurt chuckled, the glint of self-deprecating humor apparent even over the computer monitor. “This way I don’t have time to worry that I’m biting off more than I can chew.”

“You’re going to be splendid, darling,” Adam insisted, smiling gently at his lover. For all the encouragement that Kurt had lavished on him over the past months, he was more than happy to return the favor.

“Well, if we’re not all totally insane by opening night, it’ll be a minor miracle,” Kurt claimed. “Professor Carmody is amazing, but she is such a perfectionist! I’m praying that one of her assistants is keeping a stash of Valium because if she’s this bad during general rehearsals, I’m kind of dreading what she’s going to be like during tech.”

Adam nodded understandingly, having just endured such a trial himself. “You’re going to be fine,” he assured the younger man. “I don’t know anyone else who handles pressure as well as you do. And knowing you, you’re going so focused on keeping Rachel and your friends from losing their minds that you’ll hardly have a moment to worry about yourself.”

Kurt turning a loving stare to his lover, the miles that separated them suddenly not so very apparent. Adam wished that he could reach out to take Kurt’s hand, to give him a bit of physical comfort. He so very missed the feel of Kurt’s lean body tucked in against his.

“I wish I was there with you,” he sighed longingly. “I just want to hold you and help you carry this.”

“You are helping,” Kurt claimed adamantly. “I would never have been able to get through this without you.”

Adam felt his throat tighten at the clear love coming through Kurt’s voice. “Don’t sell yourself short, love,” he warned gently. “You’re the strongest person I know. I don’t think that there is any challenge that you can’t win.

“But let’s talk about less stressful things,” Adam suggested, sensing that Kurt needed a bit of distraction. “It’s hard to focus on business when you’re sitting there looking so delectable.”

Kurt laughed brightly, the stress evaporating with the shift in conversation. “Well, be glad that I’m not there, because your roommate would have plenty to complain about by the time I was done with you.”

Adam licked his lips, feeling the front of his jeans growing a bit snug at the heated tone in Kurt’s voice. “Well, the same goes for you, darling,” he warned. “I think that the whole dorm would be well aware of what we were up do with the way I would have you screaming.”

Kurt’s eyes seemed to glaze over a bit at the teasing threat. “If I remember correctly, on our last night in New York I was the one who had you screaming. I’m surprised that our neighbors didn’t call the police.”

Adam shifted as the hardness in his pants pressed uncomfortably against his fly. “That’s not fair, darling,” he complained. “Starting something that you can’t finish.”

“Oh? Who said that I can’t finish it?” Kurt asked impishly with a sly look in his eyes.

Adam felt his mouth dry, realizing just what Kurt had in mind. That cheeky little…

“If I were there right now, I’d be knocking on your hotel door, knowing that you were inside waiting for me,” Kurt informed him. “And the instant that the door opened, I’d be on you.”

“Oh, I wish you would be at my door,” Adam moaned, closing his eyes. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Kurt assured him with a warm smile. “Which is why when I see you, I just jump into your arms and start kissing you like crazy. It feels so good being in your arms and the world could end at that moment, but it would matter because I’m with you.”

“So, what would you do if you were in my arms?” Adam prompted with a grin, letting Kurt take control of the fantasy.

The younger man inhaled, and Adam could see the beginnings of an intriguing flush beginning to color his cheeks and throat. He wished that they could be in the same room, so that his lips and fingers could follow that line of color and see how far down he could make it go.

“We’d kiss for what seemed like hours,” Kurt informed him, a slightly breathy tone coming out in his voice. “I love kissing you… my tongue in your mouth and feeling you pressing me up against the wall.”

“Mmmm…,” Adam moaned agreeably, the image coming to life in his mind. Kurt loved all physical aspects of their relationship, but he especially loved the intimacy of kissing and would happily spend hours doing just that. He remembered how Kurt would writhe against him, their tongues wrestling and washing over one another’s teeth. Kurt would grasp at him, moaning against his mouth.

“We’d best close the door,” the older man advised with a wry smile. “No need to have the whole floor as an audience.”

Kurt shrugged, playing at indifference. “I’d be so turned on at seeing you that I wouldn’t care if the whole world was watching. But okay… I manage to kick the door shut behind me.”

“Thank you,” Adam granted with a wink. “Because when I have you flat on your back, I want you all to myself.”

Kurt raised a sardonic eyebrow in response. “Who said that I’d be the one flat on my back?” he asked. “I’m the one running this fantasy.”

“Yes, darling. Of course you are,” Adam chuckled. “Carry on, because it was getting interesting.”

Kurt laughed, his eyes shining mischievously. “Where was I? Oh yeah… you pressing me up against the wall with my tongue down your throat. So, while I’m kissing you, I’m trying to pull your shirt off. What shirt are you wearing?”

Adam knew that Kurt meant in the fantasy and not at the moment, so he selected something that he knew Kurt would immediately recognize. “I’m wearing my blue shirt,” he said, referring to an old garment that he liked to wear when relaxing or doing chores.

“I hate that shirt,” Kurt complained, wrinkling his nose.

Adam just grinned. “I know you do,” he teased, remembering the numerous times his lover threatened to “lose” it in the wash.

“Fine,” Kurt huffed. “Then I rip that ugly, raggedy shirt open and send all the buttons flying.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing. “That’s one way to make me get rid of it, I suppose.”

“All in a good cause,” Kurt assured him. “I’m pulling the shirt off you and tossing it right into the trash.”

“Well, I’ll have to make you pay for ruining my favorite shirt, my lad,” Adam warned. “I shove you up against the wall hard and force my knee between your legs. My thigh is pressed up against your crotch and I feel that lovely cock hardening.”

Kurt swallowed hard, his breath visibly quickening. “I always loved how strong you are,” he mused dreamily. “You can just pick me up and do whatever you want.”

Adam grinned, seeing the flush deepening across Kurt’s face and knowing that his own hue had gone equally rosy. “You’re just as strong, sweetheart,” he reminded, a bit needlessly in his opinion. “That’s one of the things that always has me marveling. I feel that strong, young body pressing against mine and know that you’re only up against that wall because you’re letting me do that.”

“Well, I’m about to use my position to my advantage,” Kurt claimed with a playful wink. “I’ll pulling you against me, and that gives me the chance to spin you around so that you’re backing up against the bed.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing. “Yes you did, clever boy,” he praised. He couldn’t resist reaching down to undo the button on his jeans and easing down the zipper, releasing some of the pressure on his cock. He gave the hard flesh a gentle palming, biting his lip to keep from moaning.

“You’re touching yourself. Aren’t you?” Kurt asked teasingly.

Knowing that there was no use lying, Adam nodded. “I can’t help it,” he claimed. “Just listening to you…”

“Well, it’s about to get better,” Kurt insisted with a chuckle. “I’ve got my tongue so far down your throat that I can feel your tonsils.”

“Which I had removed when I was eight,” Adam teased, earning a glare of admonishment from his lover.

“Just for that, I hook my leg behind your knee and knock you down to the bed and pin you there,” Kurt informed him. “And before you can do anything, I’m on top of you.”

“I can’t say that I’m complaining about this in any way, shape or form,” Adam claimed. He squeezed at his cock, enjoying the feel of his hand cupping the sensitive flesh contained in his underwear.

Over the screen, he could see Kurt shift and wriggle a bit. “What are you doing there?” he asked curiously, finding Kurt’s flexible writhing most intriguing.

“Getting my pants off,” Kurt grunted as he wiggled out of his snug jeans. “They’re cutting off circulation to my dick.”

Adam saw a flash of pale thighs capped by the soft dove grey of Kurt’s favored brand of boxer briefs. The front of Kurt’s underwear was straining to contain his swelling cock, and Adam’s mouth began to water in anticipation.

“Are you going to take those off?” he asked, his accent thick.

Kurt smiled and made sure that his computer was positioned so Adam could watch him slowly rolling down the band of his underpants and carefully sliding them down over his hips bones, showing off the lines of defined muscle that seemed to make an arrow pointing to what Adam really wanted. Adam could see the length of Kurt’s hardness freed, bobbing in front of his neatly trimmed pubes. He slid the briefs down over his long legs before tossing them to the side, letting Adam get a good look.

“You next,” Kurt ordered, looking no less commanding for sitting there wearing nothing but a tee shirt. “Let me see what you’ve got for me.”

It took some carefully maneuvering, but Adam wanted to make sure that he gave his lover a show. He peeled off his shirt, giving Kurt a good view of his bare chest dusted with dark blond hair over his sternum and trailing down to the top of his briefs. With a neat motion, he slid his underwear and jeans down his legs and kicked them away, leaving himself bare as the day he was born for Kurt’s viewing pleasure.

“Like what you see?” he asked playfully.

Kurt nodded. “Always. Damn… you’re gorgeous.”

“So… what else do you have in this little fantasy of yours?” Adam asked, leaning back with his legs spread comfortably. One hand lazily reached down to his groin, playing with the give of foreskin over his length.

“Not much,” Kurt admitted. “Just something about fucking you into tomorrow, but watching you do that is rather engaging.”

“You could join me,” Adam invited teasingly.

Kurt smiled wickedly, shucking off his shirt.

* * *

Tech week started Monday morning, bright and early. Kurt arrived an hour before the rehearsals were officially supposed to begin, carrying his makeup kit and a backpack that he filled with bottles of water and snacks to sustain him through what promised to be a very long day. Upon stepping through the stage door, he found a sea of what appeared to be barely organized chaos awaiting him. Several of Professor Carmody’s student assistants were trying to direct everyone to where they needed to be, with several tables set up for each of the groups to make some attempt at organization. He saw the sign for the actors and got on line to check in.

The harried student looked up at him and checked him off the list. “Okay, Kurt… you’ve got table number five in dressing room two,” he advised. “Just drop your stuff off and head back to the theater. You’ll have time later on to set up your table, but Professor Carmody wants to start promptly.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said sincerely, knowing that the students assisting the production side of things had have been run ragged in the leadup to tech. Hoisting the strap for his makeup kit over his shoulder, he set out to find his dressing place.

There were several dressing rooms and his table was assigned to one of the smaller rooms where he wouldn’t have to share with so many people. His name was marked on a piece of tape above the mirror and a rack with his costumes, neatly stored away in garment bags to keep them from getting stained while in transport from the school shop.

He placed his makeup kit down on the table and took a moment to get his bearings. He had to admit that the costuming team was very much on the ball in making sure that everything was neatly in its place, right down to the photos taped next to his mirror to show how his makeup and hair should be done. Nodding to himself in approval, he carried his backpack into the theater and looked about for his friends in the swarm of actors and crew.

He made quick greetings to his Apples and classmates before finding Rachel. “Sorry I’m late,” he apologized. “I needed to stop at the store to pick up a few things.”

“I just got here a few minutes ago myself,” she assured him, taking a sip of her iced coffee. “I was hoping to get here a bit earlier, but the subway was a mess.”

Kurt nodded sympathetically. With the long hours they were facing, getting to and from the theater was going to be a headache for all of them but it was part of the price that had to be paid in their profession. He was just thankful that he didn’t have to travel all the way to Brooklyn and he knew that he could be back in his bed an hour after rehearsals ended.

Rachel reached into her purse and pulled out a hair band, neatly pulling her hair into a pony tail and tying it off so that it wouldn’t be in her face all day. They were both dressed comfortably in clothes that they could move easily in. Fortunately, they didn’t expect to be doing anything in costume for another day or so.

They watched as the teach teams began to get things ready on stage, and musicians began tuning their instruments. This would be their first chance to rehearse the show with live music, and while that would enhance the sound of their performances it was another factor that they would have to adjust for. Learning to keep going if a note is played out of tune and both musicians and singers learning to keep in time with one another was something that they would have to always keep in mind.

“I’m not going to lie,” Rachel confided, a nervous smile touching her face. “I’m a little nervous.”

“Me too,” he confessed, taking her hand in his to give it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’ve never done a whole show with live music,” she admitted. “It’s not like when we just do one song with back up. This is so real…”

He nodded in understanding. Any of the plays and musicals they’d done in high school were with recorded music. And the music for his shows with the Shakespeare festival were recorded because live musicians would have been too expensive. This would be a new experience for the both of them.

“I know. But we’ve been working our whole lives for this moment,” he reminded her with a smile. “It’s just one more challenge to get past.”

“You know, I can’t wait for opening night,” Rachel insisted. “But I can’t help from worry that it’s so close and we’re not ready.”

Kurt understood Rachel’s reservations, because he knew that they were. They had all worked so hard for the past few months and he understood that seeing the light at the end of the tunnel could be frightening. You never could be sure if it was because you were reaching your goal, or that a freight train was bearing down on you. All they could do was continue to work to the best of their ability and face the challenge with as much confidence as they could manage.

When Professor Carmody stepped onto the stage to greet them, the entire group fell immediately silent. They’d had enough experience to be well trained and responsive at this point. She looked tired and a bit frazzled and Kurt knew that however hard the cast and techs thought they were working, it was likely nothing compared to the burden the teacher had been bearing.

“Good morning everyone,” she greeted, offering the students a warm smile. “Before we get started today, I wanted to commend you all for all your hard work and that we would never have gotten to this point without your remarkable talent, drive and perseverance.

“Now, the next few days are going to be very challenging,” she warned. “We have a big hurdle, bringing all the pieces of our production together and not a lot of time to do so. So these are going to be very long days and I’m sure that there will be quite a few stumbles. But I have no doubt that we will be more than ready by our opening night.”

Kurt nodded to himself, pursing his lip thoughtfully. It wasn’t anything he wasn’t expecting.

“Now our young actors will be joining when they’re done with school to do their scenes and I’ve assigned stand-ins so we can work until they get here,” Professor Carmody informed them. “Today we’re going to be focusing on individual scenes and working on blocking with the sets and props, but tomorrow we’ll be doing full run-throughs of the show. We have a lot to do today so let’s get started.

“Audio team, please get the players for the opening numbers set up,” she commanded. “Lighting and set teams, please get to your stations.”

As their director retreated to her desk set up at the center of the orchestra section, the group hurried to take their places. The students not on stage went to the backstage wings where they could watch and be prepared to be called upon. He watched as a student set up Rachel with her mic pack and carefully fastening the wire so that the tiny sensor would be nearly hidden by her hairline and not easily seen from the audience. As he watched the actors playing guards and prisoners took their places on the stage, Kurt felt a brief pang of regret that he wouldn’t be joining them. He was going to have to wait quite a while for his turn.

* * *

Maybe it wasn’t opening night, Rachel considered as she found her mark on the stage while the music began to swell around her. Maybe it wasn’t a lead part, but that didn’t lessen her excitement in the least. She wrapped a shawl about her shoulders and took a huddled, stooped pose so that she would look like the starving beggar that she was supposed to be. Around her there were other students taking their places as the downtrodden citizens, each wearing an expression of desperation as the music played, setting the tone for everything that would follow.  With so many singers, she knew that it would be a pretty astounding performance.

“At the end of the day, you’re another day older,” they sang while the lights slowly came on to cast haunting shadows across the stage. “And that’s all you can say in the life of the poor. It’s a struggle, it’s a war. And there’s nothing that anyone’s giving. One more day standing about, what is it for?

“One less day to be living.”

The group began to move towards the front of the stage, showing the physical effects of freezing in the chill air and prolonged near-starvation as mist generated by the fog machines washed over them to give the impression of a freezing snap in the air. One young man limped with the aid of a crutch, while others tried to help the weaker among them along. Rachel shuffled with them, pulling her tattered shawl about her as tightly as she could.

“At the end of the day, you’re another day colder,” they moaned piteously. “And the shirt on your back doesn’t keep out the chill. And the righteous hurry past, they don’t hear the little ones crying. And the plague is coming on fast, ready to kill.

“One day closer to closer to dying!”

“Stop!” Professor Carmody ordered from her desk, and the action on the stage immediately ceased performing, waiting for her instructions.

“Audio, check your settings. We’re not getting clear sound from about half the group,” she instructed firmly, speaking into her microphone so that they could easily hear her. “There’s no sound coming from the left side of the stage. Get that sorted out, please. We don’t need sound issues this early in the process.”

Without argument, the group hurried to take their starting marks and the stage lights dimmed. Rachel took a breath to mentally regroup, trying not to scratch where the microphone was taped to her skin. It was hard to judge how they really sounded from the stage and she knew that there would be a lot of start and stop throughout the day and it would be a challenge to avoid getting frustrated at not being able to run through songs completely.

Once the audio team had finished their adjustments, Professor Carmody leaned forward in her seat. “Let’s take it from the start, people,” she ordered.

The musicians began to play the opening strains of the song and the actors took their marks and started the song again, giving as much effort as they gave the first time around and hoping that they could get through the number without more technical issues.

The stagehands lowered a gate made to look like wrought iron that prevented the beggars from moving closer and several of the cast ended up pressed against the bars, separated from the prospect of work in the factory. Rachel stretched through with one arm, reaching with desperate supplication, her expression pleading for help.

This was her favorite part. Where the chorus voices began to separate and layer, building upon one another to create a remarkable wall of sound. Even from the stage, it sounded absolutely gorgeous.

“At the end of the day there’s another day dawning. And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise! Like the wave crash on the sand. Like a storm that’ll break any second! There’s a hunger in the land. There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned and there’s gonna be hell to pay! At the end of the day!”

The factory foreman stepped behind his podium as the gate parted and the beggars scattered off the stage, letting the factory workers take their places at their work table. The student playing the foreman then began to sing his warning to the workers, who acquiesced to his unreasonable demands out of fear of being fired. The actress playing Fantine stoically endured the foreman’s course advances and the jealous sniping of her peers who seemed to be taking pleasure in her misery.

Rachel watched the scene from the wings, paying careful attention to the time. While all this was going on, she would have to be changing costumes and doing her makeup for the “Lovely Ladies” scene. Then she had another costume and makeup change for “Master of the House”. Managing her time off stage was going to be critical so that she didn’t miss her cues.

Now seeing the cast acting against the grand sets and hearing their voices fill the beautiful theater thrilled her in a way that she couldn’t have imagined. For however jaded they might be, seeing this production truly starting to come to life was one of the most exciting things she’d ever experienced. She could not be more proud of not just what they were all accomplishing, but her own contribution.

* * *

When they finally broke for lunch, Rachel felt positively drained. They’d had to stop multiple times, ironing out the technical and staging that showed as they ran through the first few numbers of the show. It was stressful with all the interruptions that didn’t let them run things through and the constant changes and corrections was already starting to wear on her.

Kurt had the opposite problem, as his character didn’t appear in the show until much later so he’d been standing around with nothing to do except watch the same scene played a few dozen times. She wasn’t quite sure what was worse.

“I warned you,” Kurt chuckled as Rachel slumped into her seat. “Being in the chorus is a more work than a lot of the major roles.”

“You don’t have to gloat,” she whined, stretching out her legs so she could rotate her ankles. “My feet are killing me.”

“Well, you’d better pace yourself,” Kurt advised. “We’re barely started.”

She nodded and sighed. They both had a lot of work ahead of them.

[thisislizheather]

September Shenanigans 2020

The leaves are starting to fall, the colder winds are coming, the pumpkins are starting to appear and I’ve never wanted an October more than I do right now. This time of year stirs up so much inside of me, I can barely breathe. However you enjoy this season, I hope you take some time to bask in these autumn days that are typically so fleeting. Here’s what went down last month.

I recapped what happened off of my summer list.

I made an autumn list of things that I’d like to do this season.

I cannot stop playing this John Legend song on repeat. Especially in recent days.

Some other songs I have on repeat: Never Let Me Go by Alok & Bruno Martini & Zeeba, Savage Love by Jawsh 685 & Jason Derulo and that old Sarah McLachlan song Ice Cream for some reason.

Absolutely in love with the limited edition apple pie flavoured Kit Kats. Unreal.

I made these pumpkin pie overnight oats and they were a big hit. Great autumn breakfast idea.

I ate at Buvette and their snails were definitely the highlight.

I saw the movie The Car and it was phenomenal. You have to see it. The dialogue is atrocious, but a young, smokeshow James Brolin? Christ, he can get it. It’s a perfect bad movie.

I went to Gramercy Tavern and of course that place never disappoints. The service, the food, everything is impeccable. Some photos below.

Above Photo: Of course they have their own sanitizer

Above Photo: The Harvest Daiquiri with Frozen El Dorado 8 yr Rum, Green Chartreuse, Caradonna Farms Apple Cider, Lime

Above Photo: Chilled Corn Soup with Pickled Cauliflower, Beets, Avocado

Above Photo: Campanelle Bolognese with Kale, Basil, Pecorino

Above Photo: Tavern Bacon & Cheddar Burger with Smoked Onion Sauce, Duck Fat Potato Chips

Something new: did you know that Sephora has in-store rewards available that are different from the rewards shown on their website? Something to check out near the front cashier the next time you’re in a Sephora.

New favourite potato chips: Torres Selecta Black Truffle.

I bought the Mario Badescu Drying Lotion again because it’s such a great product for calming down acne and one bottle lasts at least six months or so.

A great piece about the arts scene in New York City right now.

I rarely listen to podcasts, but I listened to the Conan O’Brien episode of the Michelle Obama podcast and it was great. The episode is about marriage and I liked it so much because I love hearing about how couples first met and fell for one another.

With SNL returning this weekend, I rewatched one of my favourite sketches in recent memory.

As with every other person on earth this month, I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix and then immediately deleted all the games off of my phone. I know the whole message was to delete Instagram and Facebook, but I’ve never had Facebook on my phone (what am I, 90?) and I truly don’t go on Instagram that much (not by choice, I have a shite battery that lasts about eight minutes a day).

This girl helping senior dogs is an absolute angel on earth.

Fighting ever urge in my body to immediately buy this emerald beauty.

I started watching Girlfriends and even though the pilot is rooooough (as most pilots are), it’s an all right show. It’s insane that Sex And The City basically stole this entire premise. I did, however, stop watching because all of the women are so wildly tiny, it warps my brain to sit and stare at skinny women for long periods of time.

I bought this scalp massager and holy hell, it’s incredible. It elevates a shower times a thousand.

I tried a sample of Fab Pharma’s Rescue Mask and it’s pretty great. It’s weird to not wash a mask off yes, but your skin feels amazing in the morning after use.

My friend Dusty had his movie reviewed by Roger Ebert’s website which is so huge and amazing. Wildly proud.

I started watching Sister, Sister on Netflix and Lisa is the greatest character of all time.

The new autumn candle at Trader Joe’s? Honeycrisp Apple! Already bought! Already sold out! Will I light it or just keep it to smell every so often? None of your business.

Another great New Yorker cover.

I was fortunate enough to eat at Atoboy (thank you Katie & Greg!) and it was perfection. I’ve never eaten tuna so heavenly. Such a wonderful meal and the service especially was warm as hell.

A roasted oyster cheat sheet for NYC, if you should find yourself in need.

A great piece talking about how people make up voices for their dogs.

I rewatched Grease and I can’t believe how often I forget how good the music is in that movie. Every song smashes.

One of my favourite restaurants in Astoria, Mars, opened for lunch recently, very grateful.

REVELATION: Not drinking before bed gives you a crazy, deep, restful sleep. How on earth did I not remember this?

I finally bought those Aerie bike shorts I’ve wanted for months and they’re incredible. Bike shorts should always be this damn soft.

Finally ate at Arte Cafe on the Upper West Side and loved it.

I visited the Krispy Kreme flagship in Times Square and it was pretty great. Most locations in every suburban city have glass windows where you see the donuts being made, so I didn’t get the huge appeal?

I may or may not have indulged in some of the seasonal desserts at Comfortland in Astoria, I won’t tell you details because they weren’t anything amazing. Honestly, nothing compares to the apple fritters at San Remo’s in Etobicoke.

I watched the Surviving R. Kelly sequel on Netflix and it didn’t really have any new information, which makes sense because there hasn’t even been a trial yet.

I also watched all of season one and some of season two of Twin Peaks (for the first time) and I have some thoughts. First things first, the pilot is incredible. But… why is the background/theme music so terrible? It never matches any of the scenes in tone and it just leaves me confused most times. Some parts are so fucking off and bad (acting-wise, script-wise) that I literally googled certain scenes to see if they were supposed to be funny or if I was missing something. What the fuck is with all of the dancing? And THIS scene? What in the good holy fuck?? UGH, and then David Lynch SHOWS UP IN THE SHOW? Kill me. The entire series should’ve lasted one season. I can officially say that I don’t give one shit about who the fuck killed Laura Palmer, she’s the luckiest character of them all to be dead. Blow me, Lynch.

Hot tip: wine bottle as a ravioli maker!

Neve Campbell is definitely onboard for the next Scream!

Best tweets of the month can be found over here.

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I must decorate, I really want to make this fall kale salad that sounds incredible, I’m planning a visit to Sleepy Hollow for the day, if I can find the time I really want to try these vegan burgers, I need to finalize the details for my costume this year, MUST BUY these winter stamps, I cannot wait to get my hands on these again, I’m intending on doing my 31-days-of-Halloween celebration yet again (which means that I’ll try to do at least one spookily themed thing each day), and I will definitely be watching some of these 90s sitcoms Halloween episodes. Also, I’m not a huge cronut fan but the flavour this month is a combination of cappuccino and hazelnut! Already pre-ordered.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in August over here.

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Dewey Wins” instant reaction

It's about damn time.

Steven's back and, well, who's to say where we go from here?

PREVIOUSLY ON STEVEN UNIVERSE: A bunch of humans were abducted by Aquamarine and Topaz, the last of them Connie. As they attempted to find Greg ("mydad"), Steven instead gave himself up as diamond-killer Rose Quartz, and was taken to Homeworld. Lars accidentally tagged along. The two escaped and were found by an assortment of off-color Homeworld gems, but an attack resulted in Lars's brief death. Steven brought him back to life as a Lion-like pink being with wormhole hair, which he was able to use to get home. And now...

Tonight: "Dewey Wins". Right. I have nothing against townie episodes, and I understand the need to go back-and-forth with the heavy stuff, but this is a bit awkward of a followup. Potentially. Somewhere in this batch of six episodes, we're definitely making more progress on the gems telling us stuff, but this episode seems to be packed enough, that I don't know if it will fit here.

My predictions: First of all, disclaimer. I've seen the commercials, and the NYCC preview (which is as far as I know, the first two minutes), so I know Connie's sullen and Steven is unjustifiably smug (seriously, having just watched Wanted again, he is in tears for large portions, but I guess he found time in the last five months to once again convince himself he's just too tough to cry). I also sorta saw the episode titles, but I didn't really pay attention to them, or note their order (and I did my best to avoid the synopses of future episodes). So my predictions are colored by all that, but... If this is not a "Dewey Defeats Truman" joke, I am seriously baffled by the choice of episode title. So, that means that Nanefua is gonna become the new mayor by the end of the episode. Insert joke about an old person with a history of harassment winning an election in a stunning upset. As to the Connie plot, I think there will be a further conversation either about or with Connie, but I do think that Connie being upset with Steven for his actions will continue for a little longer. What he did was reckless, and for him to not even reflect on how he hurt those around him is cold and, frankly, a bit out-of-character.

All this intro is long, and for the benefit of those on mobile who can’t blacklist, the rest is below a cut.

All that out of the way, time to watch the episode! I'm watching via on-demand, and will start the clock with "We!" As always, first time I'm watching straight through with no pauses or rewinds.

[pre-start] I do notice the new episodes are marked as TV-G rather than TV-PG. Don't know if that means anything (or is a mistake). Also, LOL at the pre-show ad being for Match.com.

0:00 - And it's not in HD. Boo, Optimum. 0:20 - Lamar and Jeff for this one. 0:31 - They all look so glum. And they're right too. 0:40 - But Connie is the most pissed of all of them. 0:53 - None of this is stuff that should be said so happily. 1:09 - "But..." 1:18 - Massive missing of the point there, Steven. 1:30 - Regardless of Stevonnie, everyone was willing to work together. 1:44 - "Except for Lars", little bit flippant there, buddy. 2:00 - Didn't seem like a tough decision. 2:10 - Lion disapproves of your shenanigans. 2:22 - Sadie's not happy. Shockingly enough. 2:33 - "Also, he's kinda dead." 2:48 - THAT'S KINDA IMPORTANT TO DO. 3:04 - Here comes a new candidate. 3:28 - What the hell, Steven. This is not more important. 3:45 - This is a weak chant. 3:57 - THIS IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT. 4:05 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU GOING TO TALK TO DANTE AND MARTHA? Come on, dude! 4:24 - No! That would not have made things better! 4:40 - Why are you supporting him anyway? 5:06 - Have... you... have you told the parents yet? They're right there. 5:28 - "Everyone is safe." NO. Thanks, Sadie. 5:45 - Way to go, Sadie! 6:02 - OH YOU FUCKING IDIOT. 6:25 - Well deserved tomato to the face. 6:44 - Seriously, why are you supporting him?! What's wrong with Nanefua? 6:58 - Let's remember how well that book worked for Steven. Oh wait, it didn't. 7:20 - Jesus christ, this dude. 7:44 - "Speech-a-palooza". I chuckled. 8:22 - Do you have somewhere you're going with this? 8:40 - OK. And now Nanefua with the killshot? 8:58 - Oh boy, she's gonna blame Steven. 9:13 - "I will point them at Steven" 9:29 - Oh. That was surprisingly... nice. 9:55 - But what will we call Mayor Dewey if he's not Mayor anymore? 10:24 - This is not the thing to invest your energy in, Steven. 10:37 - Oh! You're making progress, without meaning it. Much like "Political Power" 10:54 - Thanks, Dewey. 11:05 - This leaves something to build on.

IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS: So this ending reminds me of "Political Power", obviously. In "Power", Steven makes the connection between Dewey lying to the town to make them feel better, and the Gems lying to Steven to make him feel better. Here, it's the analogy of Steven letting Connie down and... ok I'm not gonna lie, it's been three minutes since I watched the episode, and I can't quite place what the analogue in the Dewey situation was. There's a reason Dewey was able to say "Yeah I don't know what you're talking about", I guess. The other episode this ending reminds me of, right around the same time, is "Full Disclosure". Here, instead of Connie repeatedly calling and being ignored by Steven (the most callous he'd ever been until now), it's Steven trying to call Connie to ask forgiveness, and getting the cold shoulder. And given that he blew off her concerns, and then was flippant as all hell about "Oh hey, the mayoral election I didn't know was happening until just now is more important, can't hang out today", I don't blame her!

Second watch notes:

In the most recent episode of the official podcast, Matt or Ben mentioned how Connie and Lion have had an unspoken connection between them from the beginning, as they specifically brought up them working together to save Steven at the end of "Ocean Gem". That comes back here, as they ride off together without Steven. Does Lion just hang out at her place now?

Steven's most important power has always been reading the emotional temperature of the room. Him being so bad at it in the opening scene is painful.

There have been complaints of late about weak animation, and I think there's merit to those arguments (like the crowd at Nanefua's speech remaining frozen in place for a bit), but I do like the "camera" "focusing" on Steven and then "refocusing" on Connie during the last lines of their conversation.

Kate Micucci putting in a solid performance in this episode. Just want to throw that out there.

I might not have immediately noticed this if GC-13 of The Lunar Sea Spire podcast hadn't mentioned it, but the avatar of Ian JQ being present to cheer on Nanefua (modeled after his grandmother) is amusing.

Given the apparent outrage at Dewey for not doing anything, how is Steven not instantly a pariah when he says "Oh yeah, totally my fault." Does everyone just already dislike Dewey?

By the way, what a rift this must be causing within the Cool Kids. Is Sour Cream being forced to choose sides? Or is even Buck all "yeah I hope he loses"?

The economy of Beach "City" has always been baffling. The notion that the mayor thinks he can hire a new employee at a chain donut shop is an impressive amount of silly.

Ronaldo at the debate on his phone. Clearly typing up another KBCW post.

Nanefua will make a great mayor. She's already got the "emotional-sounding, and absolutely content-free speech" thing down pat.

OK, reaching the end I have now refreshed my memory on the Dewey-Steven analogy. Steven was taking the role of Connie, thinking that he was in a partnership that could do great things together, but the other member just gave up. The reason I forgot the analogy the first time around was because it doesn't make any fuckin' sense for Steven to have this level of devotion to Dewey (compared to Connie's belief in Steven), but that's where we were going with this, I guess.

Credits: No one credited for the generic townspeople, including the red-haired Southern-sounding woman at Dewey's first speech.

[liepcrd]

world building: aesthetic au

( that’s right heathens, instead of doing actual replies im going to talk about this cozy little setting for a minute. buckle up and get ur d batteries, it’s time to take a trip back. )

@truthfullyideal​ ( cause u were interested; heckin buckle up m80 )

First things first, a lot of this stuff may be subject to change, I’ve had a few ideas of where to take it (mostly technology wise) because it’s supposed to be reminding of a time never experienced (im 19 give me a break) or reminiscent of the ‘good old days’, but also having phones and stuff would be cool? So that’s not really concrete but for this we’ll just assume that it is. 

The “Aesthetic AU”, as I’m calling it, takes place in a small, slow town called Lanolin Heights (which is located in the region of Hoenn). It’s got a school system, one (1) main grocery store and one strip mall with slow, municipal businesses. The main store is like a Walmart in that it sells general things, but smaller. For specific items, one would have to go up to the city, a nice forty-five minute drive up the highway. Needless to say, a lot of the teens are forced to hang out at the local pizza joint, (one of the only standalone businesses aside from what I just listed) at their houses or in the woods. Local law enforcement is pretty slack and knows just about everyone by name. If they don’t know someone, they usually know their relatives.

The schools are the Elementary and High School, Elementary serving as both Primary grades (K-5) and Middle grades (6-8) ((based on american school systems)). The High School houses grades 9-12, in which students either move or commute to the college in the next city over, Rustboro. While the overall Elementary School atmosphere is welcoming and inviting, the High School is super cliquey. Everyone has their own group, which may seem good on the surface: the jocks have a group, the popular girls, cheer squad, even the smart kids and outcasts have a clique. But if you don’t fit in any of those cliques, you’re often left high and dry. The kids in the school system have known each other and grown up with one another for the most part, so they’re not very welcoming to outsiders unless you fit into a clique or can conform to fitting in. Luckily the cliques themselves are pretty good, once you get into one of them.

For fun, the kids usually stay in their houses with groups or hang out at the local pizza joint, Rockwell’s Pizza. The joint has a jukebox with the latest hits, good food for a price teenagers can afford and the owner, much like the law enforcement, knows just about everyone. On the weekends and before exams, you’ll find the place packed with teens and young adults alike. Along with the standalone pizza joint, there’s a small VHS store and worn-down bowling alley. Lane 13 is always broken, there always seems to be a flickering light, the two arcade games have a 50/50 chance of stealing your quarters, but the fries and soda are legendary so no one really cares. The VHS store never seems to have the new releases until a month after they’ve already hit the theaters, but they have good quality tapes and never seem to run out of movie snacks, which keeps the people appeased. Every once and awhile, the store has a small amount of movie merchandise. This usually sells out very rapidly, but the plus side is that they usually forget they even have it in the first place so it’s usually vintage merch by the time someone bothers to clean out the store room. A good steal if you happen to get lucky.

There’s a single gas station that has stupid delicious glass bottled soda and has a plethora of 40s, 50s and 60s memorabilia on the walls. Old timers often spend a lot of time talking to the cashier which can be a pain, but teenagers in the High School are known to be easily hired here as the owners are elderly so there’s usually one cashier line with two elderly people chatting and one with a super busy, hectic teenager trying to get to every customer in line. The gas station is a good place to hang out with old people, for the history enthusiasts they can often be found here striking up a conversation with some of the town ‘elders’.

Beside the pizza joint and the gas station there is an old, abandoned strip mall. There’s development signs up advertising the creation of a mall here, but it’s been up for so long it’s starting to fade. The parking lot is cracked and the stores look dilapidated. The parking lot is a popular place for new drivers to practice, daring drivers to do some donuts in the winter, or teens just walking its length back and forth while chatting. Sometimes you can find a casual soccer game hosted here, and even rarer than that, a flea market will set up shop, or even a small, watered down carnival. If the schools have some sort of event, such as a bake sale, weather permitting they will have it here due to the abundance of space. Rockwell appreciates the business they bring, though he has no trouble paying his bills without the influx.

Along with Rockwell’s, the other sole restaurant is a diner setting. ‘Lanolin’s Diner’, it’s named. Elders will tell you that the owner’s wife was named Lanolin, who was named after the town. The owners have long since died, but the diner still remains a popular spot. The diner has a friendly atmosphere like Rockwell’s, but like the gas station it’s more retro-esq. Good burgers, good milkshakes and great coffee for the ever studious exam taker. They also possess a jukebox, but it is older than the one found at Rockwell’s and has little to no modern tunes.

Not in the main ‘hustle and bustle’, (which should be used loosely) but not quite out of town limits either, there is a rock quarry. They were going to use the rocks and gravel here for something-- no one can ever agree on what-- but whatever project it was got scrapped and the place is supposed to be shut off from the public. That doesn’t stop most people, teens in particular, from going there to hang out. It’s also a popular spot for young trainers to test their skills and battle (as is the empty parking lot). Geodude can be found here, and if you’re lucky, you may even find a Graveler. The quarry isn’t checked up on by law enforcement-- they all know what goes on down there anyway. It’s blocked off by a sad little chain that is easily walked over, but if they truly need to block it off they will have barricades. This has happened before, particularly during dangerous storms that could flood it.

Somewhat close to the quarry is a small antique shop. It’s only ever open on Tuesdays, which makes school kids wonder what actually is sold there, but the kids known for skipping class often come here (or, at least go once or twice) and browse during the open hours. The reason it’s only open once during a week is because the owner, a little old lady, goes out the other six days and acquires her unique goods. She also makes some damn good cookies, which is by far her best seller. No one else works here but her and she is guarded by a large Arcanine, if anyone thinks they can get past her with some nonsense.

Along the highway, if you’re approaching Lanolin Heights you will be able to see a water tower with faded letters that say, in cursive, ‘Lanolin Heights’. Some abandoned and boarded up houses and, what appear to have been businesses along the country routes that go through and close to Lanolin Heights suggests that this place used to be busier than it currently is. However with the addition of Rustboro, it would seem most people left Lanolin and went there. A lot of the elders could tell you that statement is true, some of them even having been some of the people who left when Rustboro was established.

Because it is a small town, the students and even the adults get really excited over their school sports teams, which are oddly good. The rallies are always booming with life and for the time the event goes on, all other worries seem dropped and left behind. It’s common for adults no longer in school to come to them still if they can, for the food is delicious but the nostalgia they hold for most is even sweeter than the funnel cake. Usually the community comes together as a whole to donate money to rallies and games, as well as clean up the mess once it’s all said and done. Pokemon help with this as well.

As Rustboro has a gym, there are classes in the schools dedicated to Pokemon battling, type match-ups and status aliments (basically, a basic trainer’s school course) but nothing goes into too many specifics. Most kids find out from adults or elders what they need to do in battles, or by trial and error. Once every two months, Professor Birch will visit the town and hand out starter Pokemon to eligible children. Usually these children are the ones who’ve done good in school, but he always brings a few extras to hand out to some other children as he believes they all deserve a chance to raise one of the starters of Hoenn.

And that’s about it! The most important landmarks in Lanolin Heights. Later on I’ll make a post explaining Katherine and what she does in this small town, but for now this will have to do. As I said before, this is open for anyone to take part in, it’s just a fun little “slice of life AU” for peeps. Set in the 80s-90s? Something like that.

[abiteofnat]

AVOCADON’T EVEN TELL ME ABOUT WHERE THERE IS GOOD GUAC… 

Because last month in six days I ate Mexican food for dinner six times. That’s right, every single dinner somehow started with a big ole basket of tortilla chips and ended with greasy fingers and 3-6 tacos in my stomach.  I think at one point I just began to expect that my night would end in rice and corn tortillas, and then it just kept happening…

Is this anywhere near a complaint? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Mexican is in my top three favorite categories of food, the other two being Italian and Mediterranean (but bagels always, always coming in first above all), and so I tend to be a harsh critic. There’s also different types of Mexican food: the traditional, authentic type that’s hard to find but life changing when you do, the 3 a.m. places that are the real reason we even go out in the first place so we can end up in front of a chimichanga of shame after a somewhat irritating house party, and then the nearly authentic kind that has a dash of flair added. I LOVE ‘EM ALL. Most of these will be a mix of the first and last kind, as everyone who knows me knows the only 3 a.m. place I frequent is Allende Restaurant even though everyone else is a Taco Burrito Palace bitch. That Allende rice and white tile walls; nothing will comfort you and your premature hangover quite like it. When your friend is crying over that fuckboy and your friend’s friend drank about six beers too many? Take them to Allende! Can’t cry when you’re choking on horchata! 

I haven’t done a good taco roundup in a while and for a city that loovvesss margaritas as much as Chicago does it’s about time. How can I even write this after being up to my ears in salsa verde without wanting to throw up? IT WAS ALL JUST THAT GOOD. I’m living vicariously through my own memories from the past week and I am legitimately excited to write about these tacos.  

HERE WE GO. 

1. Adobo Grill 

On any given menu, there’s about 10% of things I have no interest in eating. Add on the 80% I can’t actually eat due to being vegetarian, and that leaves 10% of a menu that is up for grabs. The fact that the happy hour taco offered the night we went to Adobo Grill was one of the most astounding tacos I’ve ever had literally blows my mind- what! are! the! odds! For $2 a piece you could assume that it’s going to be chicken, beef, or some odd mixture because at Adobo the taco platters come in sets of three tacos with rice and beans for $15-19 so why would they give the good stuff for cheap… AND INSTEAD IT WAS A LUCIOUS FISH TACO, GRILLED TO GOLDEN PERFECTION. Topped with pico de gallo and spicy mayo sauce? Add in some of their fresh to death guac and a little spicy red salsa? It was almost tooooo good. The single corn tortilla held up beautifully against the moist, meaty fish and they did not skimp on anything even though it was 5:30 p.m. and happy hour drinks were flowing and the restaurant could have really taken advantage of that. These tacos have not left my mind, or my heart… 

Another thing so wonderful about this place: the patio! It’s open and covered in tasteful twinkle lights, with the giant mural (pictured) of a happy skeleton man a and some flowers that play off the orange and purple hues of the decor. To sit outside right across from Second City (great date night all in one city block!) and sip a Modelo pretty much means fucking euphoria, and then add in guac that actually tastes like guac and not avocado slime? KABOOM. As much as I want to say all guac is good guac Adobo puts a lot of places to shame (cough cough Chipotle how the frick is that shit celebrated so widely) and gives you a TON of incredible guac for $9. Chip score: 8/10. Guac score: 10/10. Vibes: 10/10. 

Insider scoop: Go for happy hour until 6 p.m., splurge for guac, add the salsa to everything, and order a side of plantains with sour cream. Never had plantains before? This is the perfect place to just trust the food blogger and go for it because you will DIE OVER THEM. 

2. Big Star

BIG STAR IS MY KING, QUEEN, AND THE ENTIRE KINGDOM. If you live in Chicago, and it is above freeze-my-nuts-off temperature, it is patio weather and any restaurant that puts 2 chairs and a table out front will be considered a patio destination. Like Adobo (but even better) Big Star goes above and beyond as it’s a mainly-patio restaurant, with bulb lights lights above every stainless steel table and the warmest, most inviting outdoor seating there is once the sun goes down. You can watch the people, see some street art, watch the Blue Line zoom by, and walk to Stan’s Donuts for a wide array of treats afterward (aka a blueberry cheese danish, YUMBO). 

Located in Wicker Park, a very artsy n’ cute section of Chicago that’s a bit more on the ~trendy~ side since lots of blogged about restaurants have opened up, Big Star offers tacos a la carte and the best chips and guacamole on that side of the highway. I have gone for the past two years close to my birthday to celebrate because the pitchers are insanely alcoholic and also delicious, serving about 6 glasses in each pitcher. With one marg being $9 and a pitcher being $36, it is an absolute steal and even if only two people are at the table it is worth the high price tag. Best part is that the pitcher comes with a wooden ladle which adds to the vibe of Big Star, but is also hilarious to stir your vat of tequila and juice with. Like witch’s potion, but probably even more dangerous! 

Once everyone is seated and with drink, it’s time for the poor waiter to scream over everyone to take the order. While Big Star is mostly outside, it’s verryyyyy loud due to the sheer amount of people and the music pumping from the inside section that leaves the doors/ windows wide open. We were seated near the window and with a group of ten, it was one of those nights that leaves your voice hoarse and your ears ringing but feeling like you had a good as heck time! My favorite vegetarian tacos are the:

- Taco de Zananhorias: try ordering that when you do not speak Spanish and are two margs deep! This taco is the best yet overlooked one on the menu, featuring spiced cooked carrots that are savory and still have a crunch to them, pumpkin seeds for flavor and texture, and an incredible spicy date & yogurt dressing that offers a chipotle kick to offset the sweetness of the carrots and the dates. Wrapped in a corn tortilla, this taco is actually a filling veggie taco that doesn’t just taste like red peppers topped in guac! Which is like 99% of most vegetarian tacos! The flavors in this are worth more than $2.50 a pop, which is what it will cost you. 

- Taco de Pescado: Your typical and delicious fried tilapia taco! Beer battered and with the expected crunch of cabbage, top with some line for a perfect fish taco. This is a good standby if you’re weary of the more creative ones. 

- THE WALKING TACO: Most of the table ordered this one! It’s a DAMN fever dream to eat! Let me preface by saying honey BBQ twist Fritos are my most coveted, most guilty snack that I find myself eating far too often and usually when I’m having a flip off the universe and treat yourself moment. So take the trusted, panty-dropping crunch of the Frito and then add buffalo sauce, beans, cheese, crema, and cilantro? STILL IN THE SNACK SIZE FRITO BAG? AND YOU EAT IT ALL WITH A FORK? FUCKIN NUTS GUYS. I know for a fact this stretches the authentic “Mexican food” title, but man that was a great business decision to include it. Once a year, as a birthday treat, the Walking Taco is my bitch. 

Shoutout to Big Star, the ideal location for any event that needs tequila. 

3. Garcia’s Restaurant 

Garcia’s feels like home due to the amount of times a meal there has included the same group of close friends, emotional conversations about sorority stuff, and late night escapes from boys that don’t understand when they’re ridiculous, we will go get mole and strawberry daiquiris instead of dealing with them. While I have no photos to share, I do have memories and the assurance that this place is truly authentic. From the large wooden chairs to the flags on the wall, atmosphere lacks but the food is absolutely incredible. I always order the Cheese Enchiladas with mole poblano on top, and it is the real mole that makes you warm from the inside out. It’s thick with notes of cocoa, spices, and not too sweet- almost bittersweet in fact, and with the pull of cheese inside chewy tortillas all rolled up underneath it is a rare find indeed. 

The chips & salsa take the cake in my book; they’re perfectly crispy and not greasy, and the salsa will make your eyes water but then before you know it your face is soaking wet because you ate ALL OF THE SALSA ANYWAY. Hurts so good, you know? 

And as mentioned the strawberry daiquiri is DOPE DOPE DOPE. Huge for the price, sweet and sugary with all the spicy food, and perfect for late night gossip. Or pregaming, either one. 

4. Taco Diablo 

An Evanston favorite! The OG Taco Diablo opened a few years ago and was an instant hit in the North Shore as it was a dark, intimate den of Mexican food, a place for casual drinks, and coated in sugar skull paintings and weird demonic creatures dancing around the bar area. Given the logo has little devils in it, it’s fitting that here they take a sultry, somewhat naughty approach to decor and food. We went once or twice a week and craved their guac that has a very specific lime & garlic undertone to it in the best way guac ever could, and the baskets of thin chips with rock salt sprinkled on the sides. 

No one was prepared for the morning we woke up and Beloved Taco Diablo had burned down, along with it’s neighboring restaurant Pine Yard. Needless to say, everyone was SHOOK and really genuinely upset that this tragedy struck such loved, run-by-good-people places. So then even more was no one prepared when the ashes were burried and from them rose A NEW TACO DIABO RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET! The owners of this cantina and the conjoining (long time closed) Asian-influence restaurant Lulu’s bought a double lot across the street and just went gung-ho on giving Evanston two of their favorite places back, which was like Christmas 100x over. The tacos from Taco Diablo AND the sesame peanut noodles from Lulu’s??? Next door??? HECKIN’ YES. I have literally downed a -very strong- marg with friends at Taco Diablo and then placed an order for the noodles to go to enjoy later in bed, and if that’s not employing DEMAND AND SUPPLY IDK WHAT IS. 

Go here for dinner with friends, a second date or a weekly drink date, and to sample every fucking thing on the menu. Especially the chilaquiles!!! 

5. Depot Nuevo

This one is hardest to type because we adore it, cherish it, crave it, owe many years of our lives to it way too much and in fact I will be here this week a couple times already. Depot graced our lives many moons ago in Wilmette and quickly became the neighborhood hub, as it’s downtown and in a real, separate house with a wraparound porch and the same smiling faces greeting you every single time. The menu offers your typical Mexican favorites such as tacos, fajitas, burritos + bowls, and of course guac and salsa, but with a slightly more upscale twist in a casual yet good-enough-for-a-life-event setting. The shrimp taco filled with crispy grilled shrimp, spicy crema, and actual slices of avocado are in my list of favorite foods in the entire world, but order the cheese quesadilla with a side of avocado and rice and holy frickle frackle you will never see quesadillas as a children’s food again. The cheese is juicy, chewy, stretchy, buttery, everything you could imagine and more. House-made corn tortillas and red salsa are impossible to describe, and the pomegranate margarita is the sweet n’ sour necessity to the meal that will linger in your mind for days afterward until you go back. 

Don’t brush it off because it’s in the quiet and sleepy suburbs. It is constantly busy, turnt, and I promise people in my friend group will be there heckling the staff and demanding elite service because we keep them in business. I THANK AND APPRECIATE YOUR WORK, DEPOT! 

That’s all I’ve got for you today friends, I hope this helps shape some weekend plans and gives you some new happy hour spots! What are your favorite Mexican restaurants?? Always looking for new places! 

-Natalie 

[jornami]

Third Wheeling

A/N: this came to me in history class and I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so here it is! Oh, and Jordan’s text are in quotation marks. This is cheesy, don't read this or do because I need constant reassurance and validation

Prompt: Jordan is always busy when you and your friends have group dates, which leaves you as the odd one out.

Pairing: Jordan x reader

Tagged: @linmanuclmiranda @ruth-hamilton-delrio @shippingdestroyedmysociallife162 @icanneverbesatisfied @magic-and-timetravel @hamilsquad-writings @mythoughtsareprettylame @defenestrate-yourself-please (I took it upon myself to tag some of you who liked the post)

Masterlist | Request!

October You were back in Virginia to visit your family for a week. When your two best friends heard you were back they immediately invited you to a girls’ day at the famous Virginian amusement park, Busch Gardens. You were super excited, you hadn't had a girls’ day with them in far too long. When Anne and Christina pulled into your driveway to pick you up, you were surprised to see two men in the car.

“I thought this was supposed to be a girls’ day?” you asked, putting emphasis on “girls’ day.”

“Yeah, but Alex and Jesse found out and they really wanted to come!” Anne explained as she pointed to her and Christina’s boyfriends.

“You don't mind, do you?” Christina chimed.

“It's whatever,” you groaned and got in the car.

“Where's Jordan?” Anne asked.

“He's busy with recording his album.” you told them.

They gave you a bunch of half ass “oh’s” and “I’m sorry’s.” Yeah, you were too.

The anticipation of the trip to Busch Gardens was better than the actual trip itself. When you first got there, everyone wanted to get in the Tea Cups. But god forbid all five of y'all get in one tea cup; no, the happy couples wanted their own cups. Which left you by yourself.

As you were spinning around in a cup by yourself, you took out your phone and took a picture of yourself with a straight face.

You captioned it, “all by myselfffffff,” and sent it to Jordan.

He responded within seconds.

“Sorry baby, I wish I could be there. You know how much I love Busch Gardens. :(”

You rolled your eyes and got off of the ride when it was over. Next, they wanted to get on a roller coaster; however, Anne nor Alex wanted to get on. That meant you were stuck with Christina and Jesse. They made you sit in the middle for some odd reason, which was pointless because they held hands across you the whole time. You couldn't wait to get off that ride. Sadly, the next one wasn't any better as it was two to a seat meaning you were the odd one out. You were stuck sitting next to a 13 year old.

“Hi, I'm Nate!” he introduced himself.

“Y/N,” you replied plainly.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

“My friends are with their boyfriends, and mine isn't here so I'm fifth wheeling.” you explained with a sigh.

“If it makes you feel better, the reason I'm wearing this shirt that's twice my size is because my little brother vomited on me.” he said and you started to laugh.

“You are now entering the Dark Forest! Remember to stay strapped in and don't look back!” an automatic voice in a Swedish accent announced.

“Get ready!” you said to Nate and of the roller coasters car went.

The ride was so fun, you could hear Christina’s screams from four rows back. Before you got off the ride you took a picture with Nate and sent it to Jordan.

New best friend.

“Tell him ‘don't try any funny business.’”

J, baby, he's 13.

“Oh…”

You giggled at your boyfriend’s cuteness and got off the ride.

“Where to next?” you asked.

“I want milkshakes, so we could go to the restaurant near the bumper cars,” Alex suggested.

You all agreed on milkshakes and headed to the restaurant. Alex, Anne, Jesse, and Christina all looked like picture perfect couples. Each couple split a milkshake with two straws, and you were stuck downing a strawberry milkshake by yourself. Time to send Jordan another picture.

I guess I'll drink this by myself…

“Let me guess, they’re sharing milkshakes?”

Yup.

“When I get home we can be that sickly sweet, annoying couple and rub it in their faces. ;)”

You smiled at his response.

Can't wait. Love you. ~ You all went on a few more rides and then the clock struck six. During the month of October at Busch Gardens, they transformed the park into a horror park with haunted houses. You all immediately went to get in a line for one. You met another couple by the names of Tanya and Josh who held your hand through the haunted house because your friends were too busy with their significant others. Of course you took a picture of you holding Tanya and Josh’s hands and sent it to Jordan.

I met some people to hold my hand since you're not here to do it.

“Tell them to back off my girlfriend.”

Finally, it was time to go home. This “girls’ day” turned into a third wheel fest, and you were glad to go home. Before y’all left the park, you took a nice picture with all four of them. The car ride home sucked just as much as the roller coasters. Christina and Jesse were making out like horny teenagers the whole ride home. You didn't even bother sending a picture to Jordan, you just rolled your eyes and tried to fall asleep.

“We're here!” Anne smiled as she pulled in front of your house.

“Thanks,” you deadpanned and got out of the car.

You didn't even see the point in lying and saying you had a good time. You unlocked the door to your house and walked in.

“How was it?” your mom asked as you walked in.

“Terrible, they brought their boyfriends!” you told her as you kicked off your shoes.

“I'm sorry, baby,” she said sympathetically.

“Yeah, me too.” you mumbled and walked upstairs to plop down on the bed.

You scrolled through Instagram and saw that Anne had posted a picture that you took with them at Busch Gardens. One problem, they cropped you out.

“Double dates are always fun!” the caption read.

“Fuck all of you.” you groaned and put your phone on the nightstand.

January Once again, you were invited to go ice skating with your girls. Girls, no guys. But of course, the girls who invited you brought their boyfriends.

“I’m not going, forget it!” you blurted out when you got into your friend’s car and saw her boyfriend, Drew, sitting in the front seat.

“What? Why?” she asked.

“Nat, you asked me if I wanted to go ice skating with you and the girls! Guys weren't part of the deal!” you exclaimed.

“I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd mind,” she said sheepishly.

“Goodbye, Nat!” you said and started to open the car door.

“Please stay!” she begged.

You sighed and looked at the desperation in her eyes.

“Fine,” you groaned and she smiled at you.

Why were you so nice?

You met up with two other friends at the rink. Two other friends and their boyfriends! You watched all of your friends’ boyfriends tie their skates for them.

Little ol’ me has to tie my own skates :(

“Wish I was there to tie them baby, but I'm about to go on.”

Good luck, babe. See you at home?

“See you then. Love you.”

Love you too

“Y/N, you coming?” your friend, Jenny, asked you.

“Yeah,” you smiled and got out on the ice rink.

Everyone was skating around the rink with their significant others. They were all happy and in love and it made you want to cry. All you wanted was for Jordan to hold your hand and pick you up when you fell on your butt.

“Alright, everyone who isn't a couple, get off the rink!” a voice announced. “It's time for couple skate!”

Nobody got off the rink except for you and a few kids. You chuckled bitterly and sat down on a bench to get a front row view of all the happy couples.

Couple skate lasted way too long, but finally your people were done and you all decided to go to a nearest café to warm up. You were sitting at the table, sipping your hot chocolate, when you became completely and utterly fed up.

“Damn, Y/N, you always talk about your boyfriend but I’ve never seen him. I'm starting to wonder if he's even real!” Drew joked.

“Yeah, he's like Casper the Friendly Ghost!” Jenny’s boyfriend, Tyler, chimed in.

You said nothing, you just grabbed your hot chocolate and started to make your way to the door.

“Oh c’mon, Y/N!” Drew called after you. “I was just joking!”

You ignored him.

“I'm your ride!” Nat said.

“Well, Nat, we leave in New York City and there's these little cars called taxis! Fuck all of you!” you screamed and walked out of the café.

“Some kind of fucking friends.” you thought to yourself as you held back tears.

February You were on your way home to an empty apartment on Valentine's Day. You and Jordan had a huge fight that morning. When you suggested going on the group date that your friends invited you and him on, he said he had a show and he couldn't miss it. You were miles past angry. How dare he? Putting that show before you. You realized how selfish you sounded, but Valentine’s Day is meant to be spent with your significant other. You couldn't exactly remember what you said during the screaming match, but you're sure you ended it with, “Fuck you, Fisher!” Or something along those lines.

“A glass of wine and a heart shaped donut from the work party it was.” you thought to yourself as you unlocked the door.

You walked into a dark apartment that was partially lit up by candles. From the bedroom, you heard the chords to a song way too familiar to you and a voice singing.

What's that playing on the radio?                                                                         Why do I start swaying to and fro?                                                                          I have never heard that song before                                                                       But if I don't hear it anymore It's still familiar to me

“Jordan?” you called.

He walked out of the bedroom, still strumming his guitar.

“Sends a thrill right through me 'Cause those chords remind me of the night that I first fell in love to. Those magic changes my heart arranges A melody that's never the same

“You didn't miss it,” you smiled.

“Really? You thought I'd leave my baby alone on Valentine’s Day?” he asked incredulously.

You just smiled and wrapped him in a huge hug.

“So, do you wanna go on that group date still?” he asked.

“I’d much rather spend time with you and only you,” you told him sincerely.

“Look,” he began, “I know we haven't been able to spend much time with each other these past few months, but I promise to spend more time with you from now on.”

“I’d like that,” you smiled.

[satorisa]

Lift the Veil - Chapter 2

Lift the Veil - Chapter 2: Ocean Eyes

Rating: PG

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Read On: FanFiction.Net, Archive of Our Own

I’m about more than a month late in updating this. I’m terrible at writing and keeping track of things. Please enjoy this extremely late update. 

Chapter 2 – Ocean Eyes

I’m scared; you really know how to make me cry.

My first day back in Azumano, as eventful as it was, couldn’t soften the blow of having to go back to work so soon. After leaving the NHK less than a week ago, I found myself at the Azumano news station the morning after my return home, watching the seniors lackadaisically droop in their respective offices and cubicles.

“Not much of a welcome, huh?” Saehara asked as we passed by a neat table of documents. “Pretty sure you had more fun working in Tokyo. After all, not much happens here anymore, so we’ve resorted to reporting on all these lame stories.” He sighed. “Oh, how I wish Dark Mousy was still around. Pretty sure you do too, deep down inside.”

He winked at me, and I couldn’t help but cringe. Sure, my adolescent self had fallen head over heels for him and yes, somewhere in my head he still fit the image of my ideal man, but bringing him up in that context after ten years?

Saehara, you damage whatever shred of dignity I had left after crawling back here.

We stopped in front of a neat workspace wedged in the middle of messily occupied ones. “This is your cubicle. Make yourself at home and settle in, but don’t sit until your butt leaves an imprint in your chair. We’re headed over to Chief’s to get the deets on anything and everything.”

He winked again, leaving me to my relatively private space. Putting down my box of office supplies, I examined my cubicle once more and smiled. On the shelf, I placed a fake potted flower and a couple of parting gifts from friends back in Tokyo. I hung a couple of photos of me, Riku, Daisuke, and Ritsuko on the wall before arranging the rest of my office supplies. I stood back when I finished, pleased at my personalized touches.

“Oh! That’s nice Harada-imouto,” Saehara complimented, slightly shocking me from his unannounced return. “More plain that I expected it to be, though.”

“Thanks…” I mumbled, grabbing my leather tote and following Saehara out of the dismal news station.

“The police station’s not too far, unless, of course, you’re wearing heels.” He glanced down at my shoes, and I reveled in his expression when he saw the tennis shoes I donned. “Huh. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Saehara, it would be nice if you didn’t project your condescending opinions about me; it’s childish. And everyone knows working at the police station is fieldwork no matter how far it is from the news station.”

I rendered him speechless from my criticism probably because he expected me to run my infamous tantrums until I ran out of energy. Somehow, I had gotten away with them back in high school but, after being displaced in Tokyo, I quickly learned that they wouldn’t fly in the adult world I had, unfortunately, grown into.

He coughed. “So, you’ve done fieldwork before?”

“It was brutal. Try training in Tokyo and get back to me.” It was my turn to wink, and I couldn’t help but chuckle when Saehara’s face blanched.

“Harada-imouto, I think Tokyo’s made you a force to be reckoned with.”

With my signature hair flip, I shot him the smile that once charmed the entire male population at Azumano High. “Well, I had to toughen up for the big leagues, after all.”

Saehara starting barking and hooting, either trying to pump me up or compliment my change from the delicate flower I was in high school. I kept him going, entertained by his energy, until we walked into the police station and was greeted by a blank-faced Hiwatari holding a cup of coffee.

“So, who let the dogs out so damn early in the morning?” he grumbled, taking a sip of his coffee as his cold eyes bore into Saehara.

“Sorry, Chief. I got caught up in the…spirit?”

“Of annoying me? This station was peaceful until I let you camp out here. Let me remind you that I can kick you out as easily as I let you in.”

“Chief, please, humble my presence for I am a lowly plebian that was allowed to beg for stories by your divine grace.” Saehara bowed and then stood up with a giant smile. Hiwatari returned it as best as he could, and the two of them laughed.

“Anyways, good morning, Harada-san. If you need anything, feel free to ask anyone for assistance.” He waved goodbye before disappearing behind empty cubicles into an office wedged in the far corner of the room. After he slammed his door shut, silence filled the air as I attempted to comprehend what I had just witnessed.

“You two get along?” I asked, awestruck at how Saehara managed to get on Hiwatari’s good side.

“Yeah. We’ve been ever since I started working here. I didn’t realize he was such a swell guy until we went out to drink after work. Even since then, we’ve gotten along.” He smirked. “What? Are you jealous?”

“Of that? Please. Get over yourself.”

While Saehara guffawed, I sat down and opened my laptop, starting to review a couple of stories prepared for today’s broadcast. In the middle of a piece about the health benefits of an Okinawan diet, Saehara slinked away only to come back with two cups of hot drinks, yogurt container, and a bowl of fruit.

“Here.” He handed me one of the drinks. “Chai latté, freshly brewed from your premade, neighborhood coffee machine. And some yogurt and fruit á la fridge de la breakroom. I already had my fair share of donuts during my visit there, so don’t worry about me.”

I blinked. “How did you—”

“I bumped into Chief refilling his mug of coffee. He told me you liked chai lattés and couldn’t eat anything heavy in the morning.” He shifted his seating positing, resting his elbows on his knees while cradling his drink in his hands. “Seems like nothing has changed from high school; even now, he’s still looking after you.”

A frown settled on my face as I mixed my yogurt and fruit together. “He’s just being courteous to the newcomer; that’s all,”

“Huh.” He didn’t say anymore, downing his drink before I could express concern over whether his mouth and throat were okay from chugging something that hot that quickly, and hopped up from his seat with his trusty steno pad and pen in his hands. Walking away, he talked to himself about plans to pester the squad until he squeezed every last story, interesting or not, out of them.

I shook my head, astonished that Saehara was still his busy-body self that dotted my high school experience. Taking a spoonful of yogurt, I returned to proofread the files piling up inside my inbox.

“Here.”

On the coffee table in front of me, Saehara placed a paper bag that smelled oddly like Italian. He took out a small container, handing it to me along with a plastic utensil set.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked, removing the container’s lid and seeing a huge serving of carbonara nestled in its plastic abode. As much as I loved this dish, anything smothered in cream-based sauces was too heavy for me. Funny, since I loved them as a high schooler, but living by myself and becoming gravely conscious of my health (and my already slowing metabolism, much to my dismay) changed my preferences in food.

“Your first day on the job. It’s about as good as a welcome as you’re going to get.” He slurped his spaghetti as if he hasn’t eaten in a week, and I felt my face instinctively distort in disgust.

“Thanks, but I feel less welcome after watching you eat like that.” I swirled some of the pasta before enjoying this nostalgic taste. “You’re not going to get a woman with those table manners.”

He smirked, continuing to scarf down his food probably to spite me. “Just because you don’t like the way I eat doesn’t mean my honey agrees with you.”

Too preoccupied with my food, I didn’t pay much attention to his gloating tone and the words that accompanied it. They finally hit me after I polished off my carbonara. Astonished that Saehara, of all people, managed to find and keep a girlfriend, I returned to my laptop and edited the day away, keeping an eye out for the man so that I could grill him for more information. (Hopefully, that conversation doesn’t last long enough for Saehara to pry into my dry well of a love life.)

He returned maybe an hour or two later, tearing a piece of paper from his steno pad, placing it next to my laptop plopping onto the couch and sighing.

“Missing your honey?”

“I’m always missing her.” He sighed again. “Chief’s only got petty crimes to report. They’re not much of a story unless you want to cover bullying in our local schools.”

“Maybe we could do a small story about rampant bullying in our education system? It’s not much of a report, but it’s at least some type of filler.”

Saehara groaned. “Maybe. But I don’t want to be in charge of something as lame as that! I need something with more pizzazz!”

“You could always sensationalize it.”

“And ruin my credibility? Harada-imouto, I’ve told the truth and nothing but the truth ever since I started down this path.”

I stopped typing, raising my eyebrow at him. He shot me a displeased expression and, wholly amused, I returned to my work with a smile on my face. To think that I would not only work with Saehara but also enjoy his company was something my younger self could never bring herself to imagine.

“So, ‘truth-teller,’ tell me about this girlfriend of yours.”

He shook his head at the sarcasm dripping from my tone, but I saw his expression lighten and his eyes glimmer once he got over my sass. God, the poor boy was smitten.

“Akane Himawari: the happy sunflower of my life. I met her at a café I frequented back in college, and she always had her nose in a book. We became friends when I grew the balls to actually talk to her. Didn’t have the guts to move any further than that, so we graduated, and I was no closer to her than I was when I first chatted her up…”

To think that the obnoxious Saehara would actually give a girl he was courting her space was unbelievable. He paused his story and shot me a puzzled expression.

“What are you judging me for now?”

“You did get closer to her, you idiot. You two became friends.”

He rolled his eyes. “If you had waited for me to finish like any respectable human being would’ve, I was going to tack ‘romantically’ after that. Anyways, once I became friends with Chief, we met up at that same café once, and I saw her furiously typing at her computer.

“According to Chief, I wouldn’t shut up about her, so he gave me that look—you know, the one where he’s fed up with your idiocy—before telling me that I was in love with this girl, and that I needed to carpe diem, or I may never get the chance to ever ask her out again. Needless to say, we’ve been dating ever since.”

“Cute,” I grumbled, trying to hide my disdain at Hiwatari’s mention.

“What? Jealous you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Sure. Let’s go with that.”

Howling with laughter, he got up with gumption, bouncing away in search of some hidden gem. I shook my head, both entertained and disgusted at the sight of such a love-sick person before returning back to my laptop and escaping from my reality.

“I’ll be heading off now!”

“See you tomorrow.”

He waved goodbye, walking out with his messenger bag slung over his slouched shoulders. Outside, the sun started setting, hiding behind the trees and buildings in my line of sight. Knowing how still Azumano became once darkness settled in, the sunset would turn the police station into a ghost town. I still had some stories I had to skim through before the broadcast, so I decided to stay put until Captain said they were ready. I also needed to type up Saehara’s list and see what we could squeeze from it but, after glancing at it earlier, it was terribly dry. At least the station was quiet enough to let me focus.

I didn’t notice that night had fallen until Hiwatari snapped me away from my laptop. “You’re still here?”

Looking up, I saw him, with this trademark poker face, holding a suitcase. My eyes quickly darted from Hiwatari to the night-shift behind him, silently cooped up in their tiny cubicles with their eyes void of energy or happiness. I couldn’t blame them; if I were in their position, I’d probably die a little each time I had to stay up all night watching the clock flit by as I did nothing.

“Work.”

He nodded, and I expected him to leave with a simple farewell. But he sat next to me on the couch, pulling out a novel (Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami: the book that kept me afloat during my first two years at college) and casually reading. If I had to deal with his conspicuous presence any longer than I had to, it would drive me insane. Pulling out my headphones, I turned on my music to distract myself from his slender fingers gingerly flipping through pages that held words dear to me.

When I finally finished, I started packing my stuff quickly, trying to flee before Hiwatari said something or tried to stop me.

“Done?” he asked, looking up from the book.

I silently nodded, hating how courteous I was towards him. He closed the novel, placing it in his bag before standing up, his face as empty as ever.

“Are you hungry, Harada-san?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

I was about to head for the door when I felt a warm hand gently touch my arm. Whipping my head around, I saw Hiwatari’s face. His concern screamed with the slant of his eyebrows, the shine in his eyes and the outline of his lips—

“Risa, please, I insist.”

Taking a deep breath, I brushed his hand off me. “Hiwatari-san, please call me Harada-san.”

I rushed out the door, hoping that the cool night air would calm me down. But I spent the walk home hearing the heavy pounding of my heart, trying not to let my swirling emotions prevent me from enjoying my evening.