#and those who haven't or don't know someone who has gone through the loss of a child should really think.about what that is like.

[runawaymarbles]

at this point i am simply uninterested in any opinion on a hot-button political topic that treats human beings as a mass of meaningless hypotheticals

[luna-rainbow]

RE: People giving Bucky a hard time over his "I'm invisble, I'm turning into you.." line being "selfish" That whole scene is Bucky displaying behaviour consistent with depression or traumatic stress. He's drinking by himself in an isolated area, isolating himself from social situations by not sitting with the ohers - he doesn't initiate the convo with Steve and he's apparently smoking. Although a lot of people did that then we didn't see any sign of him smoking before? Not that I recall anyway. And I don't believe he was jealous of a woman paying attention to Steve instead of him or "taking" Steve from him. Bucky's a true friend (I'm not a shipper full stop): and true friends aren't possessive nor do they take issue with you spending time with others or flirting with the same person as them.

I think Bucky was simply testing himself. He wanted to see if he could still muster the confidence and charm to convince a lady to dance with him which he'd probably never had any problems doing before. Its the first time he initiates a conversation the entire scene.

When it didn't work was when he knew there was something wrong. I don't think it was just the super-soldier serum. It's interesting that after that Steve is really the only person he interacts/talks to having been very sociable and outgoing before. Some people have also noted that his tone of voice chances as well, he seems to speak less often, more softly and his tone is quieter. So maybe "I'm turning into you" is actually a kind of role-reversal. Bucky is now the quiet, less confident, introverted one and the one who has been victimized (and is about to be again by HYDRA). Kind of interesting as well that the serum now means Steve is taller than him too.

Poor Bucky. Cut him a break and give that man a hug. And a cookie. A cookie can't hurt.

Hey nonnie, I'm not sure who's been giving Bucky a hard time over the "I'm invisible" speech but I'm glad I haven't seen it XD

I had a meta a while ago about that particular line. It's not a fixed headcanon by any means, I was just running with the flow of Bucky's thoughts to see how he might have ended up in that moment.

And yeah, I agree, I think he was in a very vulnerable place at that time. Not just what he went through during imprisonment, but he's also traumatised by what he's seen so far in the war, and now someone who matters very much to him is in danger (Steve) and he can't do anything about it. I'm basing my projections on what Sebastian had said about Bucky in the "let's hear it for Captain America" scene -- that no, he wasn't jealous of Steve in that moment, he was just horrified he wouldn't be able to protect him anymore. He's torn between admiring Steve for the courage, and the very realistic fears of seeing Steve come to harm, but he also knows Steve too well to talk him out of it. So he's not in the best headspace in that moment.

I do want to gently disagree in that jealousy in a friendship doesn't make it less pure or less good, it's simply a very human response to what is at its heart a fear of abandonment. Even if you logically understand that you need to let your friend have other relationships, you can still feel jealous if that eats up time you'd normally have with your friend, and apprehensive about what else you might lose. It's what you do with those emotions that defines your morality. This is why a lot of fans say that Bucky has had a villain origin story but has come out the other end a hero -- he's gone through an arc of loss and fear and jealousy, but come out the other side still staunchly Steve's friend, and that's a heroic arc.

As always I think Sebastian did a fantastic job with Bucky. The change in Bucky pre-war and post-war is considerable.

His voice is lower and coarser, his mannerisms are much more "schooled" rather than boyish, it screams less bravado and more of a quiet assurance, and that frown never lifts from his brows. But yeah, a lot of that is battle-hardened professionalism, but I think a lot of that is also Sebastian factoring in Bucky's mental health. And his eyes are on Steve a lot more even when they're not conversing -- shipping angle aside, Steve is his commanding officer, and my other thought is that...his eyes are always on Steve because the danger to Steve is much higher now, and he's always made it his personal mission to make sure Steve's going to be okay.

(I mean there's also a lot we can say, or has been said, about that particular scene in terms of male writers writing female love interest badly, but that's an entirely different topic)

[rainbowsky]

Привет, Sky! Снова спасибо за твой блог, обожаю тебя. Смотрела очередное выступление Сяо Чжаня и думала о том, что у него, и еще у некоторых певцов/актеров много песен о любви, но сами они не имеют отношений официально, и иногда даже фанаты не знаю о каких-либо отношениях в принципе, как будто их никогда и не было. При этом они так эмоционально и трогательно исполняют песни о любви. Ок, про Сяо Чжаня всё понятно :) Но я задумалась может ли действительно человек, не имевший отношения, любовь, чувства и не пройдя весь этот путь в связи с другим человеком - петь о любви и понимать о чем он поет и как это выглядит в глазах других. Что ты думаешь об этом?

Translation:

Hi Sky! Thanks again for your blog, I love you. I was watching Xiao Zhan's latest performance and was thinking that he and some other singers/actors have a lot of love songs, but they themselves are not officially in a relationship, and sometimes even fans don't know about any relationship at all, as if they never existed. At the same time, they perform love songs so emotionally and touchingly. Ok, everything is clear about Xiao Zhan :) But I wondered if a person who has never had a relationship, love, feelings and has not gone through this whole path in connection with another person can really sing about love and understand what he is singing about and how it looks in the eyes of others. What do you think about this?

Hi retrojen, thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog! 🥰

I don't believe that someone has to have experienced romantic love to give a beautiful, deeply compelling performance of a romantic song - no more than someone has to be religious to put a lot of power into a hymn, or need to have lost a loved one in order to put a lot of pathos into a song about grief. Art is about creation, and about tapping into the human experience.

One of the most beautiful aspects of humanity is the empathy that we often have for one another. If we are compassionate and open, and if we are creative spirits who seek to understand the world around us, we can tap into each other's experiences and feelings. We do not have to have experienced them firsthand to have a sense of them, or to share in another person's joy or pain (of course we can't live what we haven't experienced, but we can tap into an awful lot just by being open to it).

And our emotional experiences can also be a reflection of what is missing in our lives just as much as they can be a reflection of what we have in our hearts.

For example, someone does not have to have experienced a deep romantic love to be able to tap into a longing for love. Someone doesn't have to have a spiritual belief in order to experience spiritual anguish or need for greater meaning in their life. All of these emotional experiences can lead to incredibly powerful artistic expressions. Especially for performers and actors whose calling in life is to present a glimpse of human experience they might not have had themselves.

And we know that both GG and DD have experienced loss and hardship in their lives. DD spent his entire youth away from his family in another country, GG's grandfather passed away just a few years ago. There are no doubt a lot of other experiences we don't know about (and that are probably none of our business). Heck, just being a queer person in a country that is increasingly hostile to that is hardship enough.

Both GG and DD have talked about how they have a taste for sad and very emotional love songs. I think that is just a natural extension of any creative, sensitive, open-hearted person's taste for the human experience. Those kinds of songs speak to us because our hearts are open to the full scope of human emotion. Sweet songs don't always carry the same emotional intensity as sad ones, nor can they dig into our depths the way that sad ones can.

So no, I don't think that anyone needs to have experienced romantic love to be able to tap into those emotional depths and bring a powerful performance of a love song.

Having said that, you and I both know that GG and DD do have that deep romantic experience. Let's be real. 😅

I talked about GG and DD's creative and sensitive personalities in this post.

I commented on a similar topic related to aeroace people writing about love and sex a while back. You can find that post here.

I also talked about something similar in my post about queerbaiting, which you can find here.

[lookismstuff]

458 Chapters Later, Lookism Webtoon/Manhwa is Still About Lookism (Posting About This Again)

Apparently the discourse that "Lookism is no longer about lookism" is so dominant in the fandom. But I disagree with this take. I don't think the lookism theme is gone.

For a longer, more detailed argument please read my older post here.

But for a shorter argument (SPOILERS ALERT):

Do you think Daniel is now free from lookism, when in the current arc, Logan still calls him Pikachu because it's easier for Logan to see him as Pikachu no matter how far Daniel has come? That even when Daniel had to defend himself he had to call Logan "pig" like those bullies in his past?

Here are some of the evidence of lookism theme across the story in the recent arcs (some I have talked about in that old post, some I haven't).

D.G., one of the main villains, is a juvenile criminal masquerading as an idol. And is worshipped in and outside of the webtoon for his beauty.

Daniel is only treated better by his relatives after he slimmed down and even then they still can't believe that he made such a tremendous effort to grow.

Vasco and Burn Knuckles are still stigmatized because of their looks, that's why Eugene could co-opt/abuse the cops' authority to round up Burn Knuckles and Big Deal, you see. It's because the general public and the cops sees the two groups as criminals.

The businesses that Ilhae (Workers) crew are running depend on various facets of lookism: using a pretty girl to run an underground fight club, another pretty girl to cover up sexual assaults, drug trade, and illegal imprisonment (Vivi & Mitsuki, Ms.Raccoon of One MCN),

Hangyeol OF WORKERS IS ALSO RUNNING A PLASTIC SURGERY CLINIC THAT COVERS UP AN ILLEGAL ASYLUM & MALPRACTICE.

Charles Choi, a 0th generation killer, has been using his facade of genteel respectability and his daughter's beauty to appear as a legit businessman.

Channing of Ansan Public branded his opponents with a tattoo pen to humiliate them. Because tattoos are still stigmatized in many places worldwide including in Korea.

Johan and Vin hide their disability because society sees it as a shame or a blemish. This shame is related to lookism. At one point, Vin even stated that he had abandoned his dream of becoming a rapper because people at the illegal fight club saw his impaired eye, while Johan insists that nobody should know about his visual impairment (and is angry that Zack knows).

Jake and alternate body Daniel could enter and work at a nightclub because they don't look like minors, while the real Daniel (before Gun's training arc) does look like one so he couldn't enter before he showed his Workers pin.

The reason why Jiho was imprisoned after a series of crimes was his insecurities about zero acceptance in society from lookism-related reasons.

So the fate of Big Deal was indirectly related to lookism because: A) it was related to Jiho's illegal gambling case and B) Sinu was trafficked and enslaved by Workers through a deceptively pretty girl (Mitsuki).

Olly of Hostel A was thought to be insane because of his looks when in fact he was both a sharp, sly leader and a traumatized kid.

Mary had to cover up her judoka past because of lookism (she used to be bigger than she is now). And she could only rely on Vin, who knew her back then and helped her during a traumatic event.

Yet now there's Taejin, someone who's possibly related to Mary's and Vin's traumatic past. EDIT: And he is both able-bodied and good-looking (seemingly flawless from the start compared to Vin and Mary).

Taesoo, Hudson's teacher from Ansan, has a trauma about his missing eye (specifically the loss of it through his duel with James Lee/past D.G.) so much that it affected his self-confidence and destroyed his faith in his technique. He also retreats from society (and enjoys wealth, but still).

Jerry of Big Deal is often thought and treated as older than he is, which makes him uncomfortable because he's still a teen. I think there were several ocassions when he was called "uncle" or was even thought as someone (Jake?)'s dad.

EDIT: Jin Jang, formerly of God Dog, Big Deal and now of K House, is underestimated because of his unassuming looks but is actually a ruthless gang leader and analyst.

EDIT: Luah of Big Deal is petite and pretty, so she's underestimated a lot. But she's actually a great investigator for her crew.

Hope this helps.

[slifarianhawk]

Chapter 48: weeks in passing

Time... always so fickle. It's just been a blur. My phone calls with Albert were always so few and far between it seems, yet I knew it was only three days each time. Just before Alex doses me with the destabilizing agent.

Angelis claws its way through my veins the days following. The pain had become an all to familiar sensation. It was devouring me. I'd thank the gods for Uroboros, but I settled for thanking Albert.

I felt it keeping my body strong while it was weakened it kept Angelis at bay. I heard the voices again. The ones I thought long ago were gone. The voices, mine, and Albert's psychologist told me that were from my P.T.S.D.. The one she warned me could split from myself and become something more severe. I knew what she meant.

I couldn't allow myself to dissociate. My father had it after serving in the Russian military. I watched his personality shift during his and my mother's fights. He was a different person from the kind man I knew during those moments.

He was later diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder just before his suicide in Raccoon city's mental health ward. The doctors claimed he was calling himself a different name. Then, three days later, he broke into the armed guards' office. They found a note with his plan to be shot and killed by the guards along with an apology to Chris and I.

"How are you fairing today, deary." Alex said, entering my room.

Esther followed her in. That's just great, as if I didn't feel drained enough. My breasts were swollen and sore from constantly feeding the maids. I didn't want to deal with this.

"Tired, lady Alex. Your nieces and nephew kept me me wake most of the night." I spoke, my voice sounded empty.

"I'll have medical bring you some melatonin. It's a shame that you had to learn the gender like that without Albert. But that's what you get for lashing out at my precious angels." Alex said back, turned towards me.

"I understand, milady. For what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" I asked, not an ounce of emotion in my voice.

"I have a business deal with Dylan Blake. I have an understanding that Albert took you on every black market deal he had once you rejoined him." She said, throwing a black cloak  at me along with a random nine mil.

I felt a veil of unease was over me. I had never met Blake after his incident in Raccoon City. I only remember his training days. He was a shy kid only there to make money. The rumors have painted him as a loose cannon. Who knows what he'd reach out to Alex for.

"I take it, that is why you haven't given me that accursed destabilizing agent yet?" I said, picking up the hand gun.

"Very astute of you to recognize that. Yes, I don't trust Blake. Should anything happen to me, you are to escort your viral progeny back here until I return, and you need to keep your feeding schedule for my darling angels." She said as she turned to face me.

"Yes, mam." I said, sighing, pulling down the thin robe exposing my breasts, "speaking of which, it's time for your feeding Esther."

"Well done, seven forty-eight. It seems you're finally accepting your place here. We will set out once Esther finishes. " Alex said as Esther walked up to me and shoves me onto the armchair in the corner of the room.

I felt myself fade at that moment in time. Like clockwork, my mind wandered to Wesk. How he was fairing. Whether or not Excella had taken advantage of my absence to make a move on him. How were Gale and Jill doing? How their relationship possibly deepened from this.

My mind drifts to think about Nighthawk and Juna. Were they still together? Was Nighthawk even still alive? How was Juna handling the loss?

Then Chris raced across my mind. Was he still training that kid? What was his name... Piers, right? Yea. I hope he has remained resolved to keep to the B.S.A.A.. Chris needs someone he can depend on to have his back.

I felt Esther unlatch from my nipple as I tried to regain my clarity. I drew in a long breath and pushed myself off the chair. I walked over to the dresser and put on some less form-fitting clothes.

"Come, we've dawdled long enough! Seven forty-eight to my side." Alex barked.

I tossed on the cloak, "As you wish..."

I followed her throughout her underground mansion, taking notes of everything. I needed to do something. I just had the feeling of dread. I knew my clock was ticking here.

Alex had started collecting my blood... she had taken fourteen vials. She only needed one more set before she'd be able to turn those three. It has been, I believe, almost five weeks. Albert is supposed to arrive soon with Uroboros samples.

Soon, she won't need me, and even though she said she wouldn't harm me or my little ones, I don't trust her. She was always and only out for herself. I need an out.

We arrived at the mine entrance. There stood Aquila and Lyra with Blake. He had a heavy revolver in his hand. I couldn't tell the model the light from the sun was too bright for my hypersensitive eyes. It had been far too long since I had been in the sun.

"Mr. Blake, welcome to my home." Alex said.

"Ahh, Alex, it's great to see you and your lovely maids again. It seems you added another to your guard." He said, tapping his cane in a strange rhythm.

"Just an experiment that's almost done away with its usefulness. By the end of tonight, it'll be resigned to wander the island." Alex said in a hushed tone, as if trying to keep me from hearing what she said.

"I'd much like to see it do bring it forward." He said.

"As you wish, SEVEN FORTY-EIGHT!" Alex motioning for me to come to her.

I lowered my head and walked over to them. As soon as I stopped next to her, I felt cold leather grab my face. Blake stared into my damn near lifeless eyes. I saw something in his eyes, recognition.

"I had heard you died, teach. Yet another person this world has been cruel to. Glen told me of what befell your daughter and in front of you no less. You have my apologies. Tell me, can you still talk, Ms. Redfield?" He said.

I felt a surge of sorrow build in the back of my throat. Redfield... how long has it been since I've been called by my maiden name. I didn't cry. What tears could have fallen were shed when I learned the genders of my children without my husband.

"Experiment seven forty-eight has been forbidden from speaking unless she has been addressed by me or my vassels." Alex said, I saw her smirk plastered on her face.

"Alex, permit her to speak to me. I need her opinion on something." Blake said as he stopped tapping his cane.

"Very well, you may answer Mr. Blake's questions, seven forty-eight." She said with irritation, grating the edge of her voice.

I nodded.

"First, you're like me, correct? Riddled with holes from your trauma. Not exactly the same as we were we we last saw each other." He asked his thumb, brushing over the silver tip of his cane.

"You are absolutely correct, Blake. In all honesty, I'm coming apart at the seams. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep myself afloat in the vast stormy tide." I said, my voice quivering.

"Ah, you were always one able to paint a picture with your words. Next question, when are you due? You are clearly heavily gravid. I'd dare say close to nine months with how defined that bump is." He asked as his hand reached into his pocket.

"Two and a half months till full term. However, triplets never make it to the full forty. By my medical knowledge, it'd be closer to a month, maybe a month and a half if im lucky." I said, placing my hand on my abdomen.

"That's enough. Mr. Blake." Alex said only to be met with his revolver aimed at Alex's forehead.

"I have one last question, then we can discuss our business." He said, resuming his tapping pattern with his cane.

I shoved the gun away, "I'll answer, but do not point your gun at her!"

"There's the teach I knew. Keep your charge safe, right." He said, leaning towards me till he was right next to my ear, "Do you wish to be freed from this? From your suffering? From the constant ringing in your head from the countless lives you've taken?"

I felt a wave of cold release from my heart. Give up? Is that what I truly wanted? Albert crossed my mind as did everyone. I knew if i passed now, the kids could survive. But I knew my answer.

"No, death isn't going to release me. I'll persevere." I sighed quietly.

"Smart, now be ready." He said, pulling something from his pocket.

"What are you doing!?!" Lyra shouted as she noticed the syringe in his hand as he stabbed it into my neck.

"Just a gift from my boss." He said, walking away as I collapsed to my knees.

The maids ran over to me. Alex had a shocked expression on her face as Blake had seemingly disappeared. I laughed as I felt the drug rushing through my body as I coughed up a massive clot of blood.

"You planned this, didn't you! To sabotage my angels!" Alex shouted, lifting my limp body up by the shoulders.

"I've been at your mercy Alex, now how could I have done that." I said as the haze came for me.

I couldn't speak but I felt and saw everything. The wind on my skin as I was raced to the room I've pretty much been confined to this entire time. My body was on fire. The exact same pain I felt when Albert injected me with Uroboros.

I felt something jab my arm. A blood drawl needle is more than likely. I felt the fire pooled around the needle. I knew exactly what was happening. Angelis was waking up.

I felt my energy surge as my body felt exhausted. For a brief moment, there was clarity, and then I heard what Alex said.

"There now that she has served her purpose, she and her mutts can finally be put down. Albert never should have fallen in love with or impregnated that faulty experiment." She said.

I felt something bubble up from my chest. All the rage and hatred I've felt for Alex, building. She wanted to kill them. My babies, like hell, would I allow that to happen.

Cold.... it was finally there. I was changing into the thing I wanted to all the time I've been held captive. However, now was not the time. I'd be patient and bide my time. I felt the cocoon enclose around me.

My children are now safe. Alex, your angels were about to fall. All while I ascend to where you'll never be.

Hey everyone, Silfarianhawk here. I hope ya'll are enjoying. It's going to be an interesting next few chapters. The paper drafts are done. All that's left is typing it up. I'm going to take a couple of weeks to make sure everything blends smoothly and is cohesive. As always, my name is Silfarianhawk, and I'm not so far away.

[pancake-breakfast]

I always forget to do stuff for ace awareness days, but I've remembered today, so I'm gonna take a second to talk about some of the struggles I've had being ace, and heteromantic grey-ace in particular.

Erasure: Oh, you want to be in a relationship? Surely you're not really ace, then. You're grey-ace? Sounds like you're just picky. You go for people of the opposite gender from the one you were assigned at birth? Not queer enough. I don't mean to say someone like myself doesn't face fewer problems with their queerness than others; there's no way in hell I deal with the level of shit some of y'all put up with. I "pass," especially when set in US purity culture. But this does not mean I experience sexuality the way most people do, and pretending I do causes all sorts of issues for both me and any partners I might pursue.

Realizing One's Ace-ness to Begin With: To the best of my understanding, this is incredibly common in the ace community. We're told we'll grow into it, that we're just late bloomers, that we haven't found the right person, and for AFAB people, that "women are just less into sex than men." All of this means it's not exactly uncommon for people not to realize they're ace until their mid-20's or later, often after they've been through a few relationships where they allowed things to go past their comfort levels because that's what's expected of someone in a relationship.

Loss of Meaningful "Friendships": I'm sure this happens to everyone to some degree, but it seems particularly cruel that a number of close friendships I've had pretty much evaporate overnight when it finally sinks in to the other person that I will not have sex with them. Usually, I'm completely unaware that all the time we've spent hanging out and chatting and bonding was them trying to build to a sexual relationship in the first place. I thought we were just really good friends and deeply valued what I thought was a platonic relationship only to have a rude awakening when all the times I said, "I'm ace," finally sink in. This is why I usually leave of the "grey" part when describing my asexuality. Anything else usually implies there's more hope to people than there generally is. Of all the "friendships" I've lost this way, the number that have gone on to become something healthy and platonic is... one.

Society isn't Built for Ace Folk: I'm a pretty strong introvert. I like my alone time. I like my space. But it's INCREDIBLY difficult to live on one's own, especially these days. It's not just the expectation that any household needs to pull two full-time incomes to stay afloat. It's the little things. If I'm sick, no one else is around to help keep the place clean or do the groceries or pick up medicine or drive me to the doctor's. A lack of platonic social spaces mean there's no one I can rant to in person about my patio birds or this Cool Thing I found while out and about. Who do I go to when I need a shoulder to cry on or a hug or just not to be alone with my anxiety for a bit? This is not to diminish my in-person friends, but they have their own lives and few of them live close by, so sometimes even when they want to be there, they can't. And if I do reach out to them too much, people are quick to question our relationship. That can interfere with any romantic relationships the friend has, or put either or both of us in an awkward situation. Sometimes, it leads to a closeness that the other person feels, but I don't reciprocate. It is hard to know that your life will always be more difficult because you refuse to take a sexual partner.

One of these days, perhaps I'll write something up about some of the nicer things about being ace, but today, this is what I want to share. May it help those of you who are on the ace spectrum feel a bit more seen and a bit less alone, and may it help those of you who have ace people you care for in your lives understand things a bit better.

[glasshalftrue]

just finished reading 17776 (warning for those who haven't heard of it: there's a very mild jump scare on the initial page). overall it was basically what i expected - which is good, because i'd heard a lot of good things about it!

some scattered thoughts:

this is one of the most measured takes on immortality i've seen in a piece of media, and probably the one that most closely aligns to how i feel about the concept. it doesn't go the whole "immortality is a curse" route, which i've always thought was pure sour grapes, but it does acknowledge the very real problems that we'd run into when faced with eternity. one of my favorite quotes by a fictional character is from mr. peanutbutter in bojack horseman: "the key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead." and turns out he's right, even if eventually we won't be dead.

the sheer level of cultural and societal stagnation strikes me as a little far-fetched, but i understand that it serves several important functions (reinforces the story's themes about contentedness; keeps things more grounded and comprehensible for the reader; a source of humor), so i'll let it slide.

one of my favorite moments was when the 500 ball crashes into the bulb: in the video leading up to it, the unsettling music, the dread in ten and juice's voices, and even the title of the chapter ("No no no no no no.") lead you to believe that something terrible is going to happen and that the stakes are suddenly about to become much, much bigger. what is about to be destroyed? is it something related to the nanomachines? is this going to cause humanity's long period of rest and relaxation to finally end? and then... it turns out it was just about a light bulb that's been burning for a long time. but then, you realize that, in a world almost entirely free of loss, something like this really is as tragic as it gets: an irreplaceable piece of history from the before-times is gone forever. it's a great little double subversion of expectations.

the focus on football is the most conflicting element of the story for me. on the one hand, i know nothing about and do not care at all about football. on the other hand, the story is clearly not really about football, and anyways in the story it's evolved into something completely unrecognizable from the sport today. on the other other hand, it's written by someone who does actually care a lot about football, and it comes through in the writing, so there is a certain element of the story that feels inaccessible to me. on the other other other hand, i think the genuine passion that bois has for the subject gives the story a level of specificity that couldn't have been achieved any other way. ultimately, i think i personally would've liked it if the story had been mostly the same but centered around something i cared more about (i know there's also thematic relevance around it being football specifically because of america and whatever but tbh i don't care as much about that as i do the broader themes about humanity), but given who the creator is, i'm glad they wrote it the way they did.

[irrlicht-writes]

Hello, first of all, I love your writing, I wish I could write like you ;u;, I really admire your dedication. I used to write on AO3, but I haven't done it for 5 years.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my opinion that, Vox doesn't deserve to be with Alastor because he is not a good partner for him. He always claims that he loves Alastor with all his heart, but it seems superficial, and here are my point

1. Vox almost abused Alastor in *Etched* if it weren’t for Alastor ripping his cables out. Maybe he would have succeeded.

2. Vox never sacrifices anything for Alastor. Even though Alastor doesn’t admit that "he loves him," he always gives him everything and sacrificed even his heart for him. And Vox didn’t even bother to defend him, nor did he care to believe him. He’s too selfish and delusional to admit any fault. I feel like he's the kind of person who feels guilty but believes that feeling bad is enough. He has never apologized to Alastor face to face while he's awake.

3. He never apologized for cheating on him with Elliot, Valentino, or Tornado.

4. He keeps being an idiot and supporting Redfall BOTH TIMES. My theory is that Redfall reminds him of how he was when he was alive, so he normalizes and justifies this type of person.

5. He left Alastor starving at his house and decided to ignore him, trying to convince himself that Alastor doesn’t love him, even though he kept his damn company. And then he abandons him again because obviously, his company is more important than Alastor.

6. VOX GOT A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RECIPROCITY, AND ALASTOR TRUSTED HIM ONCE IN HIS LIFE, AND VOX JUST... ruined it.

7. He didn’t wear the ring Alastor gave him, and from what I’ve seen, as long as he’s satisfied and nothing happens in front of him, he doesn’t care about Alastor’s well-being. Then he did the "r-word" to Alastor (I’m not comfortable saying it) MULTIPLE TIMES (although I could somewhat understand it because he swore there was consent, but still, I don’t justify it). And he didn’t apologize either. He only realized something was wrong during the abortion scene (my theory is that in Alastor’s hallucinations, he was afraid the baby was Redfall’s). Anyway, THAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR VOX TO REALIZE, and still the only one suffering is Alastor

I'm not saying it's poorly written, because it’s established that Vox is a bad person—with his ex-partners, with other people, harassing girls from what he talked about with Redfall, and being a coward, of course he is a terrible person. And if Alastor has never turned to him for help or much else, and still hasn't bothered to tell him what the hell happened in those 7 years he disappeared, it’s just that it bothers me that, as a character, Vox always claims to love Alastor, but never follows through with actions after those declarations. Maybe Alastor is better off without Vox. .

Hi! Thank you, I really appreciate it! You should get back into writing, it doesn't have to be good! I certainly cringe reading my old stuff. This is honestly the longest and most consistent I've been in years.

True, if Alastor hadn't stopped Vox, who knows what would've happened? It's possible Vox would've stopped on his own, but I think it'd be mre likely he would've gone too far before realising that Al doesn't actually *do* this.

Alastor is probably the one thing that Vox really truly cares about, and so is: he fucks up. A lot. He doesn't want to do anything wrong, and in so doing, he just makes it worse. Also Vox is usually with people that are very straight forward with what they want (like Val) so having someone like Al who just won't say what he wants, Vox is usually at a loss for what to do. Not that that justifies his behaviour, he should be able to pick up context clues :p

I'm impressed you remember Tornado... my little shark... rip him in pieces. Also, I don't think Vox *really* counts it as cheating. Val happened while Alastor was away, Elliot was technically assisted cheating and they had a fight (sort of) so Vox was justified. And Tornado; well, I guess you could say Vox wasn't sure if he and Al were in a relationship or not? And then you'd need to define what cheating would even entail because even if it might sound different, Alastor doesn't care if Vox has sex with Val. He cares whether or not Vox loves someone else, and those are two different things.

Yeah, Redfall def reminds him of himself a little. He ahould've taken Alastor's initial reaction to heart and kick the dog out, but he didn't.

To be a bit fair: Vox didn't think it would be so bad. All his life, Al had been this pretty untouchable thing that was just always going to be fine. The first month was put of his hand, and the second month was him being petty. And barren Elliot, when they had their fight, Alastor *was* fine.

Yeah.. yeah, he ruined it. But as always - Alastor will just forgive him.

Vox didn't wear the ring because he doesn't have it on his person. It's back at the tower, and Vox didn't want to go back to get it at that point, especially because Redfall came in right after. He didn't wear it beforehand because he was't sure if it was okay to do so, even though Al gave it to him. (Also it's a bit too tight because Al only had his own finger for comparison) To Vox, it really wasn't assault. Sure, he absolutely should've checked if Al was really okay, but all the signs he could see pointed to yes. Also in that timeframe, he believes that what Redfall did wasn't *so bad*. Sure it wasn't okay, but as an singular action existing in a vacuum, it wasn't the worst that could've happened. (He's wrong, of course, as Niffty basically tells him point-blank.) And yes, that's exactly what Alastor is believing in that scene :)

To be fair... Alastor hasn't talked about what happened in the seven years because... I don't know what happened? :P I like to stay as on-canon as I can, and we have no crumbs to go on atm. And I mean - that's why love isn't enough. He says he loves him, and he DOES, but there's nothing else. There's just love, and that's just not enough. Yeah, Alastor might be better off without Vox. But that's not really the thing that's gonna matter, is it? We don't always get what's best for us; or what we deserve, sometimes we get the thing we want, even if it's bad for us. And Alastor knows what he wants, and not much else will suffice. Vox might not redeem himself to Alastor, because in the end, the one person that matters won't ask it of him. He still can; and he still should, but he won't have to. We'll see what happens. Everything's still up in the air, and maybe Vox and Alastor will surprise all of us! :D

[13as07]

Similar

(Might Gai)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to shattercrack]

Requested by: Myself

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 4,274

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Non-romantic one-shot; more friendly one-shot vibes

A bit of Kakashi love at the start and definitely Kashi focused

——————————————————————

     My fingertips cling to the bottom of Kakashi's vest as he walks me through the empty streets of our village. "I can just stay at your place," I try again, tugging on his vest some.

     Kakashi's eyes drop down to me, his anbu mask sliding down his hair some as he moves his head. "No," he answers shortly, sliding his fingers down my arm before colliding them with my own. His fingers are chilly against mine, but that's no surprise since Kashi is always cold. "You're not safe with him on the loose," he adds, picking his head back up as he continues leading me forward.

     About ten minutes ago, Kakashi and I got a not-so-nice wakeup call from Yamato. He went on a rant about someone attacking the Uchiha Clan or something. I'm not sure though.

Kakashi has made it very clear since he joined the anbus that he wants me nowhere near his work, let alone the shinobi world. It saddened me a bit, Kashi being so stuck on me giving up life as a kunoichi, but after the both of us lived through the loss of Obito, Rin, and Lord Fourth, I know he wouldn't survive losing me too. Especially after he joined the anbus. The thought alone of me going on a mission without him sent Kashi into a panic attack. So, reluctantly, I settled for the life of a civilian.

     It's not all that bad. Finishing normal schooling was quite boring and slow-paced compared to the fast-pace, on-the-go training I was used to. A couple of months ago I started schooling to become a civic medic, and with my background of shinobi medical training, I'll hopefully get to graduate a year or two early.

     I still spar with Kakashi, it gives me a nice outlet for the chakra I don't use as much anymore. He also shows me new jutsus and has me practice older ones 'just in case' and because 'you can never be too prepared'. I think it's just his anxiety about being away so much, but I don't mind. It's bitter-sweet moments that remind me of my old life, and my old squad mates.

     "While who's on the loose?" I ask, slightly poking the subject. I know it's not going to go far; it never does. If I've learned anything about Kakashi's line of work over the past five years, he won't talk about it, he doesn't want me to know about it and he doesn't want to relive any of it. I don't blame him. Anbus deal with the darkest corners of our world, which means Kashi deals with the darkest corners of our world.

     Kakashi freezes, tugging my arm some from me taking a couple more steps. "I need you to listen very closely to me, okay?" He asks, his hands cupping my cheeks and forcing me to look into his eyes. I love his eyes; I love the contrast of the dark red of Obito's sharingan against Kashi's natural coloring.

"If you see Itachi, you drop everything and you run. You run and run and run until you are sure he's gone, you understand? And then you continue running, and you do not stop until I find you, okay? If that happens, you make sure it's me. You ask a million questions about me or you or Obito or anything, and if I get even one of those questions wrong, you continue to run. Over absolutely everything else, do not look into his eyes, you hear me?"

     I tilt my head some, letting my eyes run over Kakashi's face. He's scared. I haven't seen him this scared since Lord Fourth died. "I understand, Kashi. What's going on with this Itachi guy? Did you forget I'm trained too? I might be rusty but I'm not useless."

     His jaw clicks open and shut a few times, eyes wandering around the darkness before settling on me again. "No, you're not useless. Which is why I'm okay with you staying home alone when I'm... working, but this is different. Itachi is... he is capable of things out of your abilities, out mine... possibly even out of the Hokage's... I need you to stay safe," Kakashi whispers the last part, his breath shaking as he scans over my face again, drinking it in like he'll never see it again.

If Itachi is as dangerous as Kashi is making him seem, it might be the last time he sees me. The last time I see him... I can't think like that though. Kakashi will be safe, he will come home, he always comes home.

     "I'll be safe, Kash, I always am," I mumble back, wrapping my hands around his wrists and rubbing small circles into his skin. He tilts his head down, connecting our foreheads and closing his eyes. I flutter my eyes shut too, letting my other senses soak him in. I soak in his scent, the icy feeling of his skin against mine, the soft sound of his lungs at work.

     The moment doesn't last long, the driving need Kakashi has for his job pulling us apart once again. A part of me has always wanted to ask him to give up the shinobi life too, but a bigger part of me knows that's not possible. Kakashi hasn't known anything besides this life, being the son of a highly regarded shinobi, starting this lifestyle himself when he was only five. I had the joy of a normal childhood, unlike my partner which made the shift back to a civilian life easier for me than it'll ever be for him.  

     "We need to get going," he mumbles, dropping one of his hands back into mine before continuing to pull me forward.

     The rest of the walk is silent, the emptiness taking up space between us, which doesn't help my worry about his newest mission. I take the time to remind myself of worse things Kashi has survived, worse missions he's gone on, and still managed to make it home to me.

     A door lamp is lit up a few houses ahead of us, cutting through the darkness. It was a rush leaving the house; Kashi threw on his uniform, grabbed my to-go bag, and dragged me out the door. Not much information was passed down to me, just a quick 'you're staying with my colleague'. I'm going to assume this is the colleague's home, or their house at least.

     I'm proven right when Kakashi stops in front of the door, pulling me in front so I'm tucked away safely. He knocks and the door opens almost instantly. I guess this colleague has been expecting us.

     "Ka-ka-shi," the man in the doorway says, dragging out my partner's name in a weird way.

The guy in front of me is very... loud in his appearance. He's in a green jumpsuit, which does not help his bowl cut or his blocky eyebrows. I've seen him around the village a couple of times, usually sporting the usual shinobi vest paired with obnoxious leg warmers and his village ID as a belt. "Mini Ka-ka-shi!" He adds, looking down at me and saying Kash's name all weird again.

     "Um... no... Y/N," I correct, glancing up at Kashi. His face is a bit more relaxed now. I can survive some time with Mr. Obnoxious if it means Kakashi can focus on his mission instead of worrying about me the whole time.

     "Y - N!" The man says, dragging my name out as well. I smile a bit at that. Maybe he's not as obnoxious as I thought he was. He's just a sweet guy with volume issues.

     "This is Gai," Kashi says, gently pushing me through the door. He drops my bag on the ground next to me, still touching me, but on the small of my back instead of wrapped up in my hand like before.

     "Gai?" I repeat, glancing down, my eyes following Kakashi's movements.

     "Gai," he repeats, standing back up. His hands snake around me, wrapping me up in his hold and gently pressing me against his chest. He presses a gentle kiss to my neck, the thin material of his mask separating his lips from my skin. "I got to go. I don't-"

     "Know when you'll be back. I know Kash," I say, cutting him off and tilting my head back. I lay against his shoulder, taking in his face once more.

     Kakashi tilts his head, his mouth next to my ear as his hold tightens on me. "I love you," he whispers before pressing another divided kiss behind my ear.

     "I love you," I echo, sketching him into my memory. Kash will be safe, he will make it home to me.

     "I'll see you soon," he says, reluctantly letting me go. "Take care of her," he adds, looking over at Gai before turning back towards me again. "I will see you soon," Kakashi repeats his words almost a promise.

I know it's not though; he can't promise he won't die on any mission because there's no guarantee he will make it back.

He stays for another beat before slowly letting me go. His eyes stay locked on me as he backs out of the room, once again moving slowly as he closes the door. My heart stings a bit at the lost sight of him. The feeling of dread, sadness, and worry fills me up every time he leaves, and refuses to leave until he's back safely in my arms.

     "So, mini Ka-ka-shi!" Gai says, pulling my attention away from the door and towards him.

     "Y/N," I correct again, glancing around the room. It's very much the house of a newly out-of-the-house teenager. It's a lot cleaner than I'd expect from a man. However, most shinobis are very strict with themselves. Gai seems to be that way too.

     "Mini Ka-ka-shi," he voices again, a huge smile on his face. I decide to let him win, it's not worth the fight. "What shall we do on this glorious night?"

     "Well... I planned to lay down and cry myself to sleep, per usual," I answer before I can stop myself. I know it's not very ex-shinobi of me but the first night without Kash is always the worst, and if I let myself cry it out right away it's a lot easier to deal with him being away the rest of the time.

     "That is certainly a plan, not the best plan, but still a plan. Let's come up with a different plan," Gai says, smiling at me again and throwing up both of his thumbs. I giggle a bit at this. It's nice to see a shinobi still so full of life. "Here's a plan!" He cheers, walking away from me. I take the time to bend down and slide my shoes off. "We can make some hot cocoa and we can look through some of my old academy photo books! Believe it or not but Ka-ka-shi wasn't always so cool." You know, I think I'm going to start saying Kashi's name like that too. It's quite funny.

I was in the same year as Kakashi - and in turn Gai I’m pretty sure - but I wasn’t close to either of them. I usually hung around Asuma and Kurenai so Kashi and I didn’t interact until we both got assigned to Minato-Sensie. I still had the hugest crush on him though, as did half the academy.

     "That sounds fun, Gai," I answer back, setting my shoes next to the other pair by the door. Gai's attention turns back to me, a smile still covering his face. I grab my bag, tugging it towards me with the small hope there's a pair of house slippers in it. There's not.

     "How unprepared Ka-ka-shi," Gai says, causing himself to laugh. "I don't have a spare pair of house slippers, but I do have some fuzzy socks. I'll be right back!" He cheers, flashing another big smile before walking out of the room. I wonder if he's being cheerful on purpose or if that's just how he always sounds.

As he's gone I look around the room again, taking in more of it. The place is small, but that's no surprise. Shinobis are paid on commission, which means they kind of make their salary with younger shibobis usually being at the bottom of the food chain. Once someone gets their footing, they tend to be able to go for harder missions with bigger commissions.

With Kakashi being an Anbu he gets commission pay on top of salary pay which leaves us living a pretty comfortable life. It also leaves me with a pretty payout if he does die on duty. I shouldn't think like that. He's not going to die. It's just my anxiety.

The entry is pretty open, an archway being the only thing separating the entrance from the combined kitchen and living room. The kitchen is neat beside the old wobbly-looking table, which is covered in different piles of paperwork. It's still neat, everything in its pile. The living room is pretty empty besides a boxy TV, a mostly empty bookshelf, and a grandma-looking couch. Definitely a "freshly out of my parent's house" kind of home. I think it's cute and it makes me a bit sad I never got to experience this stage in life.

My parents died during the Nine Tail attack, leaving me alone. That's when Kashi insisted on sharing his apartment with me, seeing how neither of us had anyone besides each other left in the world. At the time he had already been in the anbus for about a year so his home was all set up. That also meant when he bought me a house we had everything we needed. By then he already had a few steps in the door so getting our home to look how I wanted wasn't much of an issue money-wise.

"I'm back Mini Ka-shi!" Gai says, walk through one of the doors on the right wall. He makes quick steps back to the entrance, an unopened pair of socks in tow. When Gai said he had a pair of socks I didn't expect a new pair. How sweet of him.

      "Thank you," I say, giving him a small smile. His arm stretches out, holding the fuzzy socks out to me. They’re the same bright orange as his signature leg warmers, making me giggle a bit. I take them from him, making sure to tuck the plastic they came in, into my bag before sliding them on my feet. They are warm and fuzzy, a nice little moment on this dreadful night.

“So, Grand Tour!” Gai says, clapping his hands together before bending down to take my bag. “This way Mini Ka-ka-shi.”

I climb to my feet, following after him. It's weird having Gai carrying my stuff for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to this kind of treatment from Kashi, but not others.

I’m not hated around the village, but I’m not exactly liked. Women envy me because I’m with Kakashi and I don’t blame them; I’m aware of the status and attractiveness he has. I’m also aware of the loom of death that hangs around him and me, which usually scares people off. If that doesn’t scare them off, the fact that my boyfriend is an anbu tends to scare people.

“This is my glorious kitchen!” Gai cheers, throwing his hands around the small space. The walls of the space are that yellow apartment color. “And this is my cozy living room!” He adds, taking a couple of steps forward.

“Your home is adorable, Gai,” I say, looking around some more. I kind of miss my apartment. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for the things Kakashi can give me but I do think it would be nice to live life at a normal pace, in a normal way.

He hums in agreement, stepping away to open the furthest door on the wall. “This is the bathroom,” Gai says, leaving the door open before stepping towards the other door. “And this is my bedroom.”

Once the door is open I poke my head in. It’s a generic boy’s room, with blue bedding, and a single pillow on the bed. There’s a desk in the corner, more neat piles of paperwork on it. “You’ll be sleeping in here tonight.”

“What?” I ask, turning my attention to the shinobi.

“You’ll be sleeping in here,” Gai says, pointing to his bedroom. “And I’ll sleep out here,” he continues, pointing to the couch.

“I’m fine sleeping on the couch,” I tell him, shifting my weight between my feet. I don’t want to put him out of his room for the night or make him feel like I expect him to.

“Absolutely not. What kind of friend would I be if I let my best friend’s partner sleep on the couch? Not even that! What kind of man lets a guest sleep on the couch? Boys do that, not men.” I listen to Gai’s ramble as I watch him set my bag on the little desk in the room. He is just a sweet guy. “Anyway, enough of my morals. How do you like your cocoa?”

“I’m fine with however you make it,” I answer, watching him close the door and march towards the kitchen.

“Well, I make mine with cinnamon and marshmallows on top, is that fine for you too?”

“Ya, that’s fine.”

I stay silent, watching Gai make circles around the kitchen as he heats the milk and collects our toppings.

“Mini Ka-shi?” He calls, pulling my attention out of my thoughts. I hum in response, letting him know I’m listening. “Would you make yourself comfortable? You look like a stiff board pressed up against the wall.” The statement is paired with a soft small, completely different from the wide one I’ve seen all night.

“Ya, sorry. I’m just worried about Kakashi,” I mumble, slinking over to the couch before sitting down. I curl up against the arm closest to the kitchen, a small attempt to prove to my host that he’s not the reason I’m so stiff.

“There’s no reason to worry about Ka-ka-shi. He’s a pretty good shinobi. Not as great as me of course! Still pretty good though.”

I smile a bit as Gai chuckles to himself. “What makes you think you’re better than my Kashi?” I ask, amusement growing in my chest.

Kakashi doesn’t talk much about his fellow shinobis but this Gai person has been mentioned a few times throughout the years. I never knew his name; I just knew him as the ‘want to be rival’. He’ll never admit but Kashi considers Gai his best friend too despite the annoyance he insists Gai brings to his life. I consider their friendship a good thing, it brings a childish element to Kash’s hardened life.

“Well, we’re tied right now. Twenty-one wins and twenty-one loses but I will beat him! I shall be better than Kakashi Hatake!” I stifle my laugh a bit, finding Gai’s counting funny. I’ve heard about their contests which consist of anything from sparring to a game of rock-paper-scissors.

“Oh ya? You’ll have to keep me posted on the win-to-lose count then,” I say, watching Gai carefully walk into the living room, way overfilled mugs holding his attention. I’m careful as I take my cocoa, taking a burning sip from it to help avoid a spill.

“You know, Mini Ka-Shi,” Gai starts, taking a few sips of his cocoa before setting it on the kitchen table. “Our similar doesn’t talk very much.”

Similar is one way to word that. “Ya, Kashi isn’t much of a chatterbox.”

I watch as Gai shifts things around the bookshelf. It doesn’t take him long to find what he’s looking for. “And yet, when he does talk it’s usually about you. You’ve had him whipped since the academy.”

A laugh bubbles up again from Gai’s comment. It’s no secret that Kashi was the heartbreak of our class. It’s also not a secret that he had eyes for Rin. It does mess with my head sometimes, knowing I was the second choice, knowing that if Rin was alive Kakashi and I wouldn’t be together.

“Ya okay, Gai. I think you should get checked for dementia. Everyone knows Kashi had a huge crush on Rin,” I comment, my giggles coming up as I sip more of my drink.

“No, he’s always had eyes for you.” Gai fights back, walking over as he flips through a thin book. It’s the yearbook from our second to last year at the academy.

Gai sits down on the couch, leaving a bit of space between us as he flips through the pictures. “Whatever you say,” I mumble, turning my focus back to my drink.

“It is what I say. Ka-ka-shi respected Rin and was protective of her for Obito. He loved her to an extent, we all love our squad mates. They’re our family, but his heart has always been yours,” Gai rambles on, continuing to focus on the memories in the aging book.

I roll my eyes at the rant. He’s not completely wrong. Constantly risking your life alongside your squad builds a family bond among the members, and with that comes love. I love Rin and I love Obito - not like I love Kashi, but I do still love him.

Gai pushes the book towards me. I bend down, gently placing my cup on the ground before taking the book. I open it up, being meant with the academy crest and the year the book covers. I flip through the books, letting the memory of my childhood fill my mind.

I end up settling on a blown-out picture of Genma and me practicing our chakra control. I’m hanging upside down like a bat on a tree branch, my hair filtered through a flower crown of sunflowers. Genma is lying flat on his back on the ground, a pissy pout on his face as looks up at me. His hair is wrapped up in a flower crown too, courtesy of me.

I had a habit of making flower crowns in class to help me focus. If my hands were busy my mind could focus, hence the teacher turning a blind eye to it.

“Ka-ka-shi adored you back then, still does,” Gai mumbles, his eyes locked on the picture too as he smiles. “He’d get up early every morning to pick flowers by the gates of the village for you to make crowns.”

By the time we were nine, I would find a basket of different flowers waiting on my desk every morning. I always assumed they were from Genma since he always insisted on wearing one of the crowns I made every day. He would always say it would be a waste for it to go unworn and just tossed out once class was over.

“He would collect them too, after class, the ones you’d throw out,” Gai adds, his smile growing.

“You’re delusional,” I say, a smile growing on my face too. The thought of Kakashi digging through the trash to save my forgotten artwork makes me feel good.

“No, I’m not. I’m pretty sure he still has them in a shoe box in his locker at work. He’s whipped.” Gai erupts in laughter, very contagious laughter that spills over to me. That’s another warming thought. This tough, veteran anbu having a box full of flower crowns his girlfriend made during their school years.

“Kakashi does not have a box of my flowers in his locker. That is so like… uncool.” Our giggles continue as I flip through the pictures.

“I told you Ka-ka-shi wasn’t cool during our school years,” Gai pushes out through his chuckles. “Oh my, you should have heard the ramble he went when he learned you’d be in the squad. I thought lungs were going to give out from how fast he talked.”

“He was not that excited!” I say, stopping on another blown-out picture. This one is of Gai doing a handstand as Kash is rolling his eyes at his friend.

“He was. ‘Gai she’s on my team! Y/N is on my squad! I’m going to get to see her every day!’ That and he was oh so excited to get Genma off your hip,” he interrupts himself, another round of laughter being pulled from his chest. “‘Genma isn’t going to be around all the time! I’ll get to talk to her as long as I want without him butting in! Do you think she’d go to dinner as a squad if I ask? I should put the idea in Obito’s head,’” Gai seems pleased with his explanation.

I can’t help the warm feeling that pulls the corners of my mouth up further. That did happen. The night after squad assignments were announced, Obito insisted we should all go out to eat so we could ‘get to know each other better’. Kakashi - surprisingly - said yes which caught everyone by surprise. He never was and still isn’t much of a going-out person.

“You know Gai, I think we should hang out more,” I comment, flipping through a couple more pages.

“Yes ma’am! I’d love any excuse to embarrass Ka-ka-shi and to learn new embarrassing things about him, of course.”

We both laugh a bit more, the warm feeling of my newly forming friendship and the secret admiration Kash has always had filling me up. I think I’m going to start staying with Gai more often when our ‘similar’ is out on a mission.

[tad-song-bracket]

BACK AT IT AGAIN IN THE SCARLET WELLY BOOTS!!!

Yes ok, farewell wanderlust is a ride sure, it's fun! Full of melancholy in a way. I think about "I'm your angel ellipsis, your devil of dots" a normal amount sure. we love drama in this house

BUT WELLY BOOTS!!!

The heart break and yet undeniable enduring love!

"They said "That girl, she's wrong" But I'll stick up for you, even though you haven't got a clue, you haven't got a fucking clue"

It's like being trapped in the eye of the storm! You know it's not over and you've already been through so much but there's still more on the horizon and you just want to scream back at it!!! Like the song starts with a child losing their Welly Boots and being chided and yet more important than what those boots maybe cost is "Wear your rain coat or it'll soak you to the bone" Stay safe, your safety and health is more important. Like the point of the welly boots are to keep your feet dry!!! And all through the song, all through the storm it's someone wishing to provide comfort and safety to that child they love. And the pain is acknowledged and understood, the screaming and the anger directed at the absence. There is no blame for that, just the desire to show you're still there you could never truly leave them. So at the end, when that storm is passing and the "child" steps out BAREFOOT, when that anger breaks and just that sadness and loss is left!!!

You'll say "I've been so scared You left me here behind, do you not care? How the fuck am I supposed to carry on without you here?" Just when you're about to give up every hope you have, you turn around Perched by the stairs, someone's gone and left behind A brand new pair of scarlet welly boots

Stay safe, it means "I love you"!!!! the love is stored in the welly boots!!! I can't be there but please put on these boots so your feet can be protected while you weather the storm!!

Whether it's the fear and pain of not being able to be with someone we care about and still wanting them to so desperately know you're still there for them and love them!! Or like you are/were the "child" and still have that person you love as dearly as they love you but cannot see anymore and just need any sign that maybe they are you still with you.

Like I am biased. And I do have a weakness for objects symbolic of the love/care someone has (particularly objects that can serve a function in place of when the other person can't). Like here, we have this person who always protected this child, and wants to keep protecting them how ever they can BUT THEY ARENT PHYSICALLY THERE TO DO THAT. So what are you supposed to do when you want to be there to protect someone and care for someone? You give them something they can use that does that!!! I can't be there to hold you now, but please put on these scarlet welly boots on your bare feet so you don't get them wet or catch a cold.

!

[ultfreakme]

Hello, I'm new to the jujutsu fandom, I've already watched season 1 of the movie and I'm in season 2 of jujutsu, I also follow the jujutsu manga, I liked your tumblr and started following you, I like your analyzes and you make me understand more jujutsu, thank you. I have a question, don't you think Sukuna is a boring villain, sorry, but he's too annoying, even Mahito is more interesting than him and it's impressive that Mahito gave more weight to the work than Sukuna, Sukuna killed Gojo and his death It had no significance in the work, it's something terrible, I think the author got lost.

Ah thank you so much! Glad the blog could add to the JJK experience!

Personally, I am getting a little tired of Sukuna never being phased. I'd understand his constant victories if we got more insight into his Cursed Technique but we still have no explanation for what he is and how he came to be, very little Sukuna info has been unlocked since the beginning so it feels kind of frustrating for me.

I can't tell what the author is thinking, but I think the number of deaths is getting to us as readers. People just keep on losing and dying with little impact on those that are alive. Deaths had a huge impact at the start of the story. Like S1, Junpei's death shook Yuuji so bad that he entirely changed his way of thinking. But he only knew Junpei for like a day. So when characters like Nanami, Nobara, Gojo and many more people that Yuuji has known for months die, I think equal levels of impact is expected on Yuuji.

But that doesn't happen.

We don't know Yuuji's mental state after witnessing his teacher die. The excessive focus on fights without slowing down to let the characters grieve or process what they've seen is likely impacting how we see Sukuna, his fights, and his powers.

Like why wasn't Yuuji freaking out more when Higurama died? What was he really going through when he saw Higurama and got reminded of Nanami? A moment's pause, just focused on the grief of that could up the stakes and make Sukuna, if not interesting, at least someone we can hate more.

Emotions and character interactions are what gives a story stakes. We care that Gojo died not only because he's the only person who can stand up against Sukuna, but also because he is someone we connected with emotionally from S1. His death will make characters we love devastated.

When you take away the emotion, the sense of loss and don't show that, the fights become boring. Yuuji's still moving and seems to hold the same attitude as the beginning of Culling Games while fighting Sukuna right now after witnessing multiple deaths.

You could say he's hardened his heart and has gone numb to everything but that's speculation as readers, it'd be way more meaningful if we see Yuuji falling into that kind of state, or be shown to have some kind of emotion and reaction.

My one big critique for JJK is pacing. It's fight after fight after fight. Okay, bad take when the manga is literally called "Sorcery Fight" but I am no stranger to manga/anime entirely focused on fighting (I've read a weirdly high amount of martial arts and hand to hand combat manga). Even in most fight-centric stories, we get breaks, we get characters talking to each other. Like how come we STILL haven't gotten a proper, extended interaction between Yuuji and Yuuta that isn't a fight? Has Yuuji even spoken to Maki? How does Ino feel about Choso?

I think it's why I enjoyed the Yuki v Kenjaku fight more. The fight was interspersed with moments of character interaction.

No stakes and impact makes it boring. Sukuna's the most dangerous villain now and he keeps defeating people without proper explanation or faltering in any real way so like, why would we care? Sukuna's going to win against anyone that isn't Yuuji, so what's the point? It used to be fun for me to try to understand how Sukuna does the things he does. I still enjoy watching him beat the shit outta people but i do admit it's getting tiring.

Sure, the CT and Domain expansions whenever an improvement is shown are very cool but it'd help if we could slow down a little and talk about the character interactions. Honestly Sukuna himself can remain a mystery but our MCs should get more backstory and emotional moments.

[fancytrinkets]

Little Chapters

Astarion/Tav (non-binary, they changed their name from Tav)

You cross into the Shadow-Cursed Lands, where the hunting is poor. The only untainted wild creature you can find is a small, panicked deer, stranded near the mountain pass. It looks to have recently lost its way, not yet having ventured far into the predatory dark. The swift death you bring is a mercy compared to all the other horrors, lurking and lying in wait.

At the Last Light Inn, Tamar barters for a pair of chickens, which is all the Harpers can spare. It helps, but it won't be enough to bring you all the way to Moonrise Towers while keeping up your strength.

"I was right about this," you whisper, so the Harpers won't hear you. "We shouldn't have turned on the drider. He would've guided us there more swiftly."

"I'm here, you know," Tamar reminds you. "I'll help you get through."

They offer their own blood to make up the difference, which is what you need, and everything you've wanted. This is a victory, is it not? Proof that your seductive manipulation has finally come to fruition. Tamar is willing to sacrifice themself in service to you.

"Help me understand it," you ask, when the two of you are alone, resting together before the bite.

"Why continue to do this for me when it only makes you weak?" You aren't sure why this bothers you. Or why you can't resist asking questions.

Tamar sighs and gives a cryptic answer. "It's the same reason I lied to Jaheira."

You are half reclined, your legs stretched out alongside Tamar's, sitting up just enough to gaze down at them. You have no idea what they're getting at.

"The Harpers aren't us," Tamar says. "They wouldn't understand what we're going through. But we need this alliance. And to make that happen, Jaheira needed to see me as some upstanding paladin who would never indulge in the mind-control powers these tadpoles offer."

You remember them lying. You approved of it. But you haven't the slightest idea how that is related to the question you asked.

"I'm sorry but that makes no sense whatsoever." You flick your finger, and hit them on the nose.

Tamar swats your hand away. "Stop!"

But they're laughing, so you try it again and score one more hit.

"Look — stop it! — the point is, I don't prefer to tell lies. Not if I can help it. I don't prefer to be weakened from blood loss either. But some things hurt small and help big — and those are the best little hurts to invest in."

You frown, dissecting their logic, trying to make sense of it. By now, they've caught your wrist, and won't let you wrestle it back to flick at their nose one last time.

"I also liked my magic boots," Tamar continues. "It annoyed me to give them away and watch Gale destroy them. But now we have him stable — more or less — at full magical strength, and he trusts me because I helped when he needed it most."

You laugh. "So... bribery?"

Now there's a tactic you do understand.

"That's a more cynical take on 'investing in friendships' than I would have gone with."

"But is it..." You struggle to find the right word. "...an equation? ...a calculus for you? Figuring out if someone's worth it?"

"No. It's an approach to problem solving, that's all." Tamar squints, and with one hand, shields their eyes from the glare of the torchlight as they gaze up at you. "Now, are you going to bite me or what?"

"Darling, yes."

You grin at them, still not fully confident you understand their logic, but thankful that they aren't trying to be some irritating paladin, or however they put it. After all, where would be the fun in that?

[tvrningout-a]

SLAMS MY HANDS DOWN!! spoilers below for my pals who haven't seen a.tsv yet! we're talking about miguel, the disaster man himself!

if you're a personal blog, do not reblog this or i'm biting your ankles.

hello, hi, i've got some thoughts on miguel that'll probably be better supported once i read through his comics, but!! i've been thinking about miguel and the introduction of his character, how he says he doesn't always like what he has to do, but he knows he has to do it bc he's lost too much to stop. we find out he's talking about his daughter. from another dimension or not, he still loses her after forming an attachment to her, and this causes him to become our antagonist for more than one reason. but let's back up a lil bit.

when we first meet miguel, we see he can be quippy, funny -- he's still clearly not a happy-go-lucky kinda guy, but he doesn't appear quite as harsh as he is with miles. we even see him go against his original decision to leave gwen behind, even if it's at jessica's prompting. he's swayed bc he can't ignore her predicament, feels sympathy bc like her, there's some stuff he doesn't know how to fix either.

miguel knows she hasn't experienced all of her canon events bc her dad is police chief and alive. he knows she's close to miles. he knows she's a liability, but against his better judgement, he lets her join. he doesn't always like what he does, and sometimes he just can't do it. sometimes he's faced with the individual, and he can't follow through, leave someone behind to fend for themselves.

i think this is absolutely the case with his daughter gabriella. he found that universe where he was happy with a daughter, and initially he was just watching over what could have been. it was harmless if not painful at times. but then he's murdered in this other dimension, and he knows he should stay out of it. if he died, it was supposed to happen. but he can't leave it alone. he can't leave gabriella alone to fend for herself. so he takes a risk to save the individual -- he thinks about the person rather than the world.

and it ends up biting him in the ass. he loses gabriella and her world, singlehandedly ( so we assume at this point, at least ) causing their destruction by simply taking the place of that dimension's miguel and disrupting his canon death. he realizes then that he can't let himself prioritize the individual. he has to prioritize the world, no matter how much he'll hate it at times, because he'd rather feel guilt over a million uncle ben's than a million universes with billions of people in each one.

whereas miles has to learn in the first movie to focus saving on one person vs. the world, miguel has to learn the inverse, and it sucks. he doesn't always like what he does, but he knows he has to do it because either 1. nobody else will ( and he can't exactly blame them ) or 2. he can't ask anybody else to do it. " being spider-man is a sacrifice, " and he's already lost his daughter, seen first-hand what meddling in the canon leads to. he'll make the sacrifice of making those tough decisions if it means nobody else has to lose their dimension.

which is why things go so far off the frikkin rails with miles. i don't think miguel recruits spiders who haven't gone through certain losses ( with some exceptions like gwen and pav ) bc he knows it'll cause conflict when they find out they have to let certain people die. that's exactly what happens with miles, and bc he's the original anomaly, bc miguel and co. still don't know what might happen if he saves his dad, bc miguel is scared and can only think of the day he lost gabriella, he... chases down a teenager and gets waaaay too heated. he definitely projects some of his own guilt upon miles bc he wouldn't have ever known about gabriella's universe if not for all this anomaly business. he wouldn't have gotten her killed if he'd never needed to help put the multiverse back in order.

in the end, though, it's still miguel's own fault. he knew better, he knows better, and all he can do is try to stop miles.

[sam-the-potato-boy]

Time, death, and the constant of impermanence

A thing I wrote that isn't quite poetry

Nothing is permanent. Everyone goes eventually. Things and people come and go, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Maybe it's just because I'm feeling angsty, but lately, it feels like everyone is going. And maybe if I had done things differently, they wouldn't have gone. And maybe I still have time to do things differently with those who haven't gone yet. But I always feel like I'm too late. I'm always too late. Things and people come and go, and I'm too late.

What does it even mean to be late? Late is just a word, two syllables, four letters, but it seems like the only permanent thing in my life. I never do anything on time. Whatever that means.

Time. It's such a subjective concept in our minds, but such an objective constant in our society. We organize everything by time, but we don't really seem to understand it. Yet still it passes, unaware, or perhaps uncaring, of if we want it to or not.

The biggest reminder of the passage of time that we all get is the death of someone close. Death. Another objective constant but subjective concept. We all view death differently, but we all know it happens, as much as we don't want it to. It happens to everyone. And when it happens, it hurts. And we mourn.

But mourning isn't just for death. We can mourn the loss of a loved one, but we can also mourn a shift in a close relationship with a friend. Mourning, for as unbending as it is, is very flexible. And I guess that can be true for life as well.

Life is cruel, strict, violent, absolutely unbending. But it's also beautiful, joyful, peaceful, wonderfully flexible. Just like people, are, I suppose.

My life has been going through an unbending phase, where everything goes and nothing ever comes, where everything feels like an objective constant, but I know a flexible phase will come eventually. And I know that, as always, it will be late.

[medicinemane]

I don't know... what's happening in Ukraine is honestly just so deeply depressing (I mean, could it be anything else?)

I'm not really someone who cries, just not something that tends to happen even when I feel like it... and a lot of the time I read the news coming out of Ukraine (out of the world, but I follow Ukraine more closely) and... I'm just kinda numb

More innocent people dead, another hospital hit, another apartment hit, more dead, more dead, more dead... and I realize I can't even process it

Then you get nights like tonight where it clicks just what it means and it leaves me feeling like I want to cry, if I did cry I think I would

I don't think I have words for how stupid and sick it all is

And you know, I am war fatigued when it comes to Ukraine, but what that means for me is that I don't follow the front lines anymore because I just can't keep up with fighting for meters of ground, day after day, this endless slow churn... so I keep up with the big picture instead

(Whose fault do you think the slow advances for Ukraine are? Cause I'll tell you it's the western allies failing to deliver proper amounts of equipment soon enough)

The big picture is horrible, not in a Ukraine is losing kind of way, but in the sheer fucking needless death of random people just sitting at home when a drone hits and kills them

(And that's not even touching on Avdiivka where thousands of russian soldiers are going into the meat grinder, which I can think about and realize is a colossal loss of human life... but I can't even spare much sympathy or humanity towards attacking soldiers when Ukrainian civilians are dying)

And I mean, I'm half a world away. My home's not gonna get shelled ever, the only people I know in danger are people I've bumped into on here. I'm not the one suffering, hearing the sirens, losing people I care about

But it's just... you know, it's just basic human decency to think this is wrong. It could end in an instant if russia just left, but instead... I don't know if a single day has gone by where I haven't seen new news about 3 dead, 9 dead, 50 dead cause a missile hit a funeral, kid dead, family dead when a drone hit their apartment

...I think some people might say I need a break, but you'd be missing the point. I really don't, like most days I'm just numb and keeping informed, but some days it hits me and I wouldn't want to never be hit again with feeling a fraction of just how horrible this really is

The nights when it stops being numbers of senseless murders and it really hits home that each and everyone one of those people was a real person just living their life and now they're gone

...I don't think I'd get through my day if I could process that fact every second of every day, but I wouldn't have any humanity if I didn't sit with that fact some of the time. If this didn't hurt to understand when I really sit with it, something would be deeply wrong

I don't have words for it

Everyday I hope for a miracle, every day I get ready to support Ukraine for as long as it takes, till every inch territory is returned (and beyond, I like Ukraine, no reason not to support them in peace as well)

[papercuts33]

i'm so young and sometimes it takes so much for me to collect my thoughts, the things i think don't make sense. well, actually, they do make sense.

people wonder why i seem to contemplate the world and existence so much, it is because i wonder if i was meant to be here. not in a suicidal type way but in a way that i just wonder...

i've found myself describing life by saying 'in this film i know, there's no happy endings.' is there a happy ending ? if we look hard enough, is it possible that somewhere there is a happy ending for us ?

i want to say no. i've looked and yet i've failed to find my own happy ending. do happy endings really exist ? i'm starting to believe they're just myths. or maybe some of us weren't meant to be happy, maybe some of us were always meant to feel sad.

my life is a film, i'd like to believe. these words i write are the pages of my script. i'm keeping my stamina for the fans, my fam and the cameras. i'll keep going and going until the day i die.

yes, i smile but that doesn't mean i'm happy, assume what you want. i'm looking for an escape from my unhappy film, and waiting to ink words on a page that say 'play this when i'm gone'

i'd like to think i'm like machine gun kelly in a way, i'm not saying i am him because we're all unique souls tossed into the winds of life. no, i haven't suffered the hardship he has nor have experienced the pain which he has. the way he describes himself as a boy 'born with horns' and he's been alienated from the world that he once knew.

that is my idol. i'm tired of people telling me what a bad person he is. yes, i understand that but he's also a man who wrote music through his losses, he's someone who doesn't count the cost of what might happen depending on his actions. most people seem him as a punk, who doesn't care about anything but money and himself--

those people are disgusting. i couldn't hate them more because why can't they see, he's a person with feelings like everyone else. 'everybody hates but can't anybody love me,' - machine gun kelly

we all have feelings whether they are see-through or not. it isn't about who you are but about who you inspire through your life. machine gun kelly has become a symbol in the punk community, for me, he is the equality of 'i don't give a shit about who you are or what you've done, you're still worth something.'

i don't know kells personally, i've never met him and i probably never will, though i hope i do. i don't want y'all going at me like 'how the hell can she say all of this?' truth be told, i can't say any of this with full confidence, however, i'm entitled to my own creativity or how i see the world and its people. i write from whatever words and thoughts burst forth from my heart and spill from my finger-tips in the form of ink.

machine gun kelly is a singer and soul different from anything else i've ever seen... i don't why he feels so different but i just know he is. he believed in his film there were no happy endings yet he still found something (rather someone) that made his film happy. he met megan fox.

i never knew people could make each other that happy until i saw those too, i mean... yes, they've had their struggles but doesn't everyone ? you can see the smiles evident in their eyes when they're with each other. the happiness on kells face, he said he never liked to smile but when he's with her, my gosh... through the screen and the news, the pictures and the song dedications, i can feel a pushing thought that they were meant to be together.

i'll ramble for hours and hours, i'm here bouncing from thing to thing but mostly just to say machine gun kelly has encouraged me to find my own happy ending in this heartbroken film. my philosophies on life have changed, i'm starting to believe there is a twin flame out there for me--

people i know say 'twin flames' don't exist, there was no 'past life' prior to you now. well, shut up, let me dream-- i'm a lost dreamer, suffering with syndromes that don't make sense. kelly said he had peter pan syndrome, well maybe that's what i have.

don't want to grow up, i do but i don't-- could possibly stay young but still grow up ? doesn't make sense or maybe it does. he told megan 'i feel like i'm just leaving here and...' megan didn't understand the statement, and neither did i when i first heard 'twin flame'

it was only soon that i started to understand, maybe being famous isn't all that it seems. maybe being treated like a literal god is frustrating though that's something most of us could only silently dream. those people are me.

someday i'll find my happy ending... someday, right ?