#and to think I almost blocked them bc I assumed they hated me suddenly

[crybaby-bkg]

it is so so so so soooo hard to unlearn that a problem not communicated directly to you shouldn’t affect your wellbeing and you can’t keep beating yourself up about something not being told to you!!!!!!!!????????? terrible thing to have to come to terms with. I hate it. (it’s helped so much of my anxiety when it comes to relationships with people.)

[drwcn]

I loved your fem lwj take on things. How would thibgs go if WWX was the lady? Other than ppl assuming she stood up for the Wens bcs she jad feelings for WN ( and that Yuan was hers)

Heyyy friend, I think I’ve seen a couple of girl!wwx fics floating around in ao3 so i certainly won’t be the first :P.

Also I completely misread your ask initially, I thought you were asking me what I think would happen if A-Yuan was WWX’s kid, and I was like oh?? But then I realize wait... I can make it worse.  

Today, I decided that my mortal soul doesn’t matter, so here we go. Let’s see how accursed I can make this idea: 

[1]

It started with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Wanyin had set out for the Burial Mount with the explicit goal of throttling speaking with Wei Wuxian, but what greeted him at the entrance of the “Demon Subduing Palace” — more of a cave than anything really — was not his martial sister, but Wen Ning. Well, what had once been Wen Ning.

Black veins ran across his pale, ashen face, down his equally ashen neck , and into the major veins beneath his clavicles covered by the collars of his black threadbare robes. Lifeless eyes, white as his skin, stared into a void the living could not see. There were talismans littering his body, and Jiang Cheng knew that when he spoke to this fierce corpse, he was not speaking to the young Wen boy, but to his mistress who controlled him with her demonic cultivation. 

Wei Wuxian refused to face him. Refused him explanation. Refused him closure.

“Er-jie!” Jiang Cheng screamed into the stony expressionless face of Wen Qionglin. “If you continue to protect them, then I can’t protect you!!” 

There was no response. 

Suddenly, just as Jiang Cheng was about to kick and fight his way into the cave, Wen Ning thrusted out his right fist, and in his grasp was a piece of purple silk. Jiang Cheng unfolded the silk, vaguely recognizing that it had been cut from someone’s robe, and saw what was wrapped within was a slip of parchment.

割袍断义*, the paper read. Tell the world that I, Wei Wuxian, first disciple of Yunmeng Jiang has forever defected (Note: 割袍断义- to rip one's robe as a sign of repudiating a sworn brotherhood (idiom)).

With this, there was nothing left to say. Hurt and furious, Jiang Wanyin threw the piece of parchment onto the dirt ground, grinded his heel down on it, and left the Burial Mount without ever having drawn Sandu. 

Inside the cave, Wen Qing held Wei Wuxian’s hand. “Why won’t you just tell him? He’s your brother; he can help you, you can —” 

Wei Wuxian’s mile long stare seemed to be gazing at something — someone — very far away. Slowly, she placed her other palm over her belly, which horrifically was already starting to round out. “Nobody can help me now, Qing-jie.”

“I can,” said Wen Qing, blunt as ever. “I can make it go away, if you want.”

“No.” A droplet of tear escaped pass long lashes. “No.” 

[2] 

It continued with Jiang Cheng.

On a snowy night, the first winter after Wei Wuxian escaped with the Wen remnants to the Burial Mount, Jiang Cheng was rudely awakened from his slumber by a less-than-stealthy intruder breaking and entering into his bed chamber.

Zidian whipped through the air, lighting the room with her eerie violet glow, before the intruder could think to take one more step. It was a man, judging from his silhouette colliding against the wall and the pained groan he made in response. The very next second, the tail of Zidian coiled tightly around his neck and dragged him across the floor towards beneath Jiang Cheng’s waiting foot. 

The Sect Master of Yunmeng Jiang summoned Sandu, ready to deliver the final strike, but just as his blade sailed towards the intruder’s chest, a pale arm jutted upwards, blocking Sandu’s descent and revealing a pale hand holding a … a... 

Even in the dark, Jiang Cheng immediately recognized the mahogany comb. 

“Jiang — ! Zongzhu —!” The man croaked out urgently, throat still stomped on by Jiang Cheng’s foot. It was - it was Wen Ning?!

Jiang Cheng looked him over. He was pale, yes, but his eyes appeared human. His hair was brushed and haphazardly done up in a farmer’s top knot. He was wearing farmer’s clothing too, probably more inconspicuous for travel than his Ghost General getup.  

“Jiang-zongzhu! P—please!!”

No, impossible. 

“Wei — Wei-guniang—”

Jiang Cheng lifted his foot and dragged Wen Ning up in a split second. “What’s wrong with Wei Wuxian?!”  Wen Ning coughed and shook his head desperately. “No time to explain. My sister asked me to fetch you. Please, you have to come! Wei-guniang’s life is in danger! If you won’t come, I’ll...I’ll have to go to Gusu, and I don’t know if - if -” 

Jiang Cheng followed Wen Ning. 

For speed, they travelled by sword, but even so, dawn was breaking by the time they arrived. The crowd of Burial Mount’s villagers huddling anxiously outside of the Demon Subduing Palace parted for them upon their arrival. Jiang Cheng took a moment to gather himself and square his shoulders. Whatever it was; he was ready.  

He was wrong. None of the dozens of scenario he had agonized over on the flight here could have prepared him for what awaited him inside. 

Wen Qing, pale and drenched in sweat, was near complete spiritual collapse, and without Wen Qing’s spiritual energy sustaining her, the single tenuous thread by which Wei Wuxian’s life hung on would have undoubtedly snapped under the toil and devastation her body had been put through. 

There was so much blood, so, so much blood everywhere, and amidst the blood, there was a baby. 

Fuck. 

Jiang Cheng transfused his sister half of his total spiritual reserve over the course of a day, while an exhausted but unrelenting Wen Qing worked diligently under blood-soaked sheets. 

Then at dusk, when the storm finally passed, Jiang Cheng sat at the mouth of the cave with a tiny, perfect little human — a girl, a niece! —  in his arms and cursed Lan Wangji’s name. 

Wen Qing was extremely clear with them: 孩子要是留在这里，养不活。

If the newborn was left to be raised at the Burial Mount, she would not live. And so, because parting was inevitable from the start, Wei Wuxian adamantly refused to hold or nurse the child. Her child. 

I can’t. If I do, I won’t be able to let her go. Those dark eyes burned with more than just the delirium of her childbed fever. For once, Jiang Cheng could not find it in himself to argue.

Thus, he took his niece home and named her Jiang Yan 江曕. The name was not his doing. His foolish, misguided, stubborn sister had stroked her daughter’s soft, baby cheek and whispered it to her as a farewell gift. 

Yan - to be bathed in daylight. In the end, when given a choice, Wei Wuxian still opted for her child to walk on broad sunny road. 

It made Jiang Cheng wonder why, then, she would choose the dark twisted path for herself instead. 

[3] 

It ended with Jiang Cheng. 

The truth was simple: Jiang Wanyin killed his shijie Wei Wuxian. He did. He meant to. 

He killed her. But that did not mean he wanted her dead. 

In one day, he had lost both of his sisters, leaving two orphans in their wake. Jiang Cheng could not ignore the cruel irony of their fate: one’s father murdered by his aunt, and other’s mother murdered by her uncle. 

This was the kind of tragedy fairytales were made of, and if there were anything left in him to shed tears over it, he would.  Standing amongst Nevernight’s carnage, he could not dredge up even a single drop of tear.  

Jiang Cheng didn’t know how he could return home to Lotus Pier to face that cherub face, always so happy, so sweet, so utterly untainted by the world. She had her mother’s smile. Yan'er was starting to learn how to speak. Her first words were da-da. 

Da-da. Die-die. Father. 

He was standing beside her father now. 

Lan Wangji. Devastated. Destroyed. …Deceived.

Jiang Cheng hated him so much, so fucking much that for one insane second, he thought about telling Lan Wangji the truth just to see what would happen. Maybe he would run Jiang Cheng through with his Bichen - that would be a relief now, wouldn’t it? - or maybe he would jump after Wei Wuxian. 

Truly, if he knew, he would. Jump, that is. Jiang Cheng was almost entirely sure. Oh the utter melodrama that would inspire indeed!  

But then... 

Wei Ying birthed you a daughter, a lovely, perfect, blessed little girl, and she carried that secret to her grave. I may be damned by my actions, but you, who have done nothing for her and taken everything, why should you deserve something as sacred as the truth?

Jiang Cheng turned away. 

He was acutely aware that one day Jiang Yan may very well be the literal death of him. After all — 杀母之仇不共戴天 — one cannot tolerate living under the same sky as the murderer of one’s mother. 

Be that as it may, he would raise Jiang Yan well, just as he promised. Unlike his sister, he would not break his word. Jiang Yan was of Lotus Pier, of Yunmeng, like her mother and grandfather before her. That for him, was enough. 

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu and gripped Zidian. Whatever his fate, he already made peace with it, and the rest was inconsequential. 

One day, he may die, but today he lives, and so as long as he lives, Jiang Yan and all of Yunmeng Jiang will be protected . So as long as he lives, they will flourish. 

[...and in between]

On the streets of Yiling, Lan Wangji tilted his head inquisitively at Wei Wuxian and the little boy at her side and asked, “This child, he...” 

In response, Wei Wuxian patted her chest in a self-declarative kind of way and announced, “Oh this child, I birthed him!” 

He stared at her in shell-shocked silence, his mind racing with panicked thoughts of but that’s impossible — that was just once — even if — the boy is too old to be —

“怎么，蓝湛，不要我们娘儿俩了？” What, Lan Zhan, you don’t want the child and I?

“Wei— Wei Ying—” 

Then of course, she had laughed, and Lan Wangji thought no more of it. 

Just a joke. A silly joke. 

In time, he would come to realize his mistake. 

~~~

[A/N]: I’m not even a little bit sorry. 

[peterparker-pickedapepper]

Always You

(Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Stark!Reader)

Chapter 01

A/N: this is set during Homecoming (and eventually FFH) in a universe where Tony isn’t ☠️ bc we don’t acknowledge that trauma here 🙂 also, there are elements from the comics and the older movies, but it’s still in the MCU

———————————————————————

I never meant to find it.

And I wasn’t being nosy either. It was my dads fault, really. Okay so yes, I wasn’t supposed to be in his workshop. But is it my fault he just leaves important things lying around? Mom’s told him to keep it tidy enough times you think it’d be engrained in his brain.

Anyway, the how isn’t important. Not even the why matters. It’s everything that came after.

It was the day my world began falling apart.

The moment I lost all trust—all respect—for the two men closest to my heart.

Now that I know their secret, I don’t see how I’ll be able to look them in the eye. But I’m going to do it. I’m going to keep my head up, act as normal as possible...

And see how long it takes for them to tell me themselves.

———————————————————————

                      Three Months Earlier

“I’m here on the corner of fifth and main, just a street away from the reported sighting of a flying man causing panic among the locals.”

Y/N adjusted her fingers around the smooth base of the microphone, her skin slipping against the hard plastic. It wasn’t nerves causing the dampness on her palms, but excitement. Her eyes flickered from the camera lens pointed in her direction to her best friend standing behind it before easily finding their mark again.

“The large, mechanically winged man has been wrecking havoc in New York’s beloved neighborhood of Queens for the last—”

The ground suddenly shifted beneath her feet with a loud boom, jolting her forward and stopping her report mid-sentence. She twirled around, eyes instantly landing on the sandwich shop across the street.

Or, rather, on the man looming ominously from its roof.

She could only assume it was a man. She’d never seen his face—or any part of his body for that matter—not that his skintight suit left anything to the imagination. But the media affectionately called him “Spider-Man”, so they pretty much filled in the blanks on that one.

She watched as he seemingly surveyed the area. It was always so hard to tell what was going on behind that mask, but every time she saw him she liked to imagine a picture perfect heroic expression etched into handsome features.

It made her disdain for the local superstar a little easier to swallow down.

His head swiveled back and forth a few times, fists clenching at his sides, before he shot one of his webs and disappeared on the other side of the building. She immediately turned back toward her camerawoman, lips pulled into an excited grin.

“This is perfect. Come on.” She wasted no time in scooping up some of the equipment laying at her feet, but stopped short when she noticed the apprehensive expression staring back at her.

“I don’t think I’m really in the mood to run toward danger today.” Her best friend’s bored voice didn’t match the concern she knew was brewing just below the surface.

“MJ,” Y/N all but whined. “We need this story.”

“We need to get ready for next week’s debate.” She muttered, mild annoyance seeping through. “We need to be home in twenty minutes so your dad doesn’t kill us. We need—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Y/N huffed, tossing the last of the camera supplies into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder.

She turned on her heel, pulling her phone from her back pocket as she moved toward the last crash that sounded a few blocks away. She was getting this story, whether she had to go alone or not. Screw her father’s arbitrary curfew. He was in India for the next few days, anyway.

“You’re serious?” MJ’s incredulous voice echoed from behind her. “What about Liz’s party?”

Y/N’s attention only wavered from the small screen in her hands once she was finished temporarily disabling the tracking feature her dad had not so subtly installed before giving it to her. He didn’t need to know she almost immediately figured out it was there, just like she didn’t need to know that he got a notification every time she hacked into the system.

Her eyes found MJ’s, wide with shock and following something in the sky above. Y/N’s head snapped upward, gaze locking on the flying man who was twisting and turning aggressively in an attempt to kick Spider-Man off his right wing.

“Yes. Very serious.” She huffed, pulse jumping with excitement. “If FRIDAY calls just, please, try to be convincing.”

With that, she spun around one last time before jogging toward the action. She knew MJ’s hesitation was coming from a good place. They’d been inseparable since middle school because they were on opposing ends of the same strong-willed base.

Where MJ was methodical and calculated, Y/N was rash and unpredictable. They were both the type to end up involved in sketchy situations, just at varying speeds and levels of grandeur. Y/N had her father to thank for that.

The iconic Tony Stark was not a pretender. He was who he was, loud and proud. He’d never apologized for it before—not even when he should’ve—and he probably never would. Y/N, on the other hand, had been pretending to be something she wasn’t for more than a decade.

He’d given her a choice when she was old enough for kindergarten. They talked about it, mapped out the pros and cons, and she made a decision. Soon after, she entered the outside world as Y/N Smith. It was the best thing her five year old brain could think of. Plus, she didn’t want her place on the alphabetical rosters to change.

She went to public schools—something Tony never missed an opportunity to mention he hated—and started paving her own way. Right now, that meant she was chasing a super-powered fight through the streets of Queens.

Since landing a highly sought after internship at The Daily Bugle, Y/N’s main priority had been impressing her overbearing bosses. That came with varying levels of complexity, depending on the superhero shenanigans of the month.

She rounded a corner into an alleyway, instantly ducking down when a blindingly bright object whizzed by her head. Her arms shot up in a protective motion as she leaned against the cool brick wall at her side. She remained there, frozen in place with a racing heart, for several seconds.

Something thumped to the concrete only a foot away from her crumpled frame, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She peeked through her arms, still crossed over her head, eyes widening as they landed on a pile of red and black fabric.

The lump groaned and slowly unraveled to reveal Queens’ favorite masked hero. He shook his head, the mechanical eyes of his suit twitching as if malfunctioning. Y/N was stuck in her spot, wide eyes hungrily drinking in every detail they could. Despite following his activity for months now, she’d never gotten this close to the mystery man.

His suit was tighter than she thought possible. It hugged his body in a way that left nothing to the imagination. The rippling muscles lining his torso were clearly visible beneath the thick material. She watched as he sat back on his heels and rubbed the side of his head, shoulders tensing as he seemed to finally realize that she was there.

“Whoa, hey.” Came his breathy, surprisingly high-pitched greeting. He cleared his throat before continuing, a steady hand extending her way. “Are you okay, miss?”

Y/N’s brow furrowed in curiosity, not missing the way his demeanor changed the moment he noticed her. It was like a flip switched. He’d turned on his superhero persona, a process she was unfortunately all too familiar with.

“I’m fine.” The words came out more forcefully than she’d intended, but she was all business now, too.

There was no way she was letting him out of her sight without getting some information. She wasn’t even worried about all the ways her bosses would kill her, she’d beat herself up enough for the missed opportunity. She ignored his hand, dusting her jeans off and hobbling to her feet before reaching for her phone to launch the recording app.

“Can I ask you a few questions, Spider-Man?” She jutted the phone out in front of her, and he took a step back as if the device would somehow hurt him.

The eyes on his mask widened, something she didn’t know was possible. “Oh. I...uh—”

Just then, the ground shook with a massive impact that couldn’t have been more than a block away. It would’ve knocked Y/N right off her feet if it weren’t for the gloved hand that shot out to stabilize her.

“Gotta go!”

By the time his hasty goodbye met her ears, he was gone. It took about ten seconds for Y/N to process what just happened before she took off running in the same direction he’d swung in. She was too far in to give up now. At this point, she’d settle for some shaky footage of the fight. It’d be enough to satisfy her editors for a few days.

She ran out in the street, stopping abruptly as a stampede of people swarmed her. Elbows and shoulders rammed into her sides as she tried fighting her way through the panic. 

“Oh, come on people! Chill the fuck out!” She found herself shouting to deaf ears. 

Maybe it was because she grew up immersed in the superhero way of life, or her bordering on unhealthy need to get some kind of story tonight, but either way she was aggravated by the public reaction more than anything.

She was rarely scared anymore, even when faced with imminent danger. Admittedly, she didn’t have a good gauge for when she might be getting herself into trouble. Another thing she blamed her father for. 

Her eyes remained trained on the sky, watching the fight unfold in mid-air. She cringed as Spider-Man nearly fell off the homemade-looking flying suit. He quickly regained his balance, shooting a web into one of the back engines. It immediately started sputtering as the metal clanked and caught in the sticky substance. 

They were going down, and fast. She knew this was probably her last chance to get any kind of discernable footage of the event, so she reached into her back pocket for her phone. It was at this moment that someone decided to shove into her so hard that she lost her footing and tumbled to the ground. 

A rush of air left her lungs as she hit the asphalt, hard. She couldn’t help but wince as pain shot up both of her arms. There would definitely be bruises she’d need to hide later. Thankfully, at least she ended up near the curb so she wasn’t instantly trampled to death by the screaming crowd. 

She pushed herself up into a sitting position and huffed, wiping away the tiny rocks that were now embedded into her palms. She was about to hobble to her feet and call tonight a wash when her eyes landed on a blueish-purple glow coming from a nearby alley.

Maybe she wouldn’t get any useable footage tonight, but a souvenir would lift her spirits and, hopefully, her credibility in the office. Without wasting anymore time, she stumbled to her feet and ducked into the darkness of the cramped space.

She followed the pulsating light, stopping only when her eyes landed on a small, metallic object. It had a thin silver cage protecting what looked like a gem or rock of some kind. Nothing too crazy, aside from the whole glowing thing. Her brows furrowed with curiosity as she crouched down to get a better view. 

She had absolutely no idea what it was, and she’d seen a lot of weird things in her dads workshop. The only thing she could compare it to was some of the alien technology that’d been leftover from the Battle of New York. She’d run a few stories about that herself, plus saw her dad tinkering with some things since Thor took Loki back to Asgard.

Figuring she could show it to him at the very least, she pulled the end of her sleeve over her hand and grabbed it. She let her bag slip off of her shoulder and quickly unzipped it before sliding the object inside. 

Just then, the sound of screeching metal filled her ears at a deafening volume. She managed to close her bag before covering her ears and ducking against the brick alley wall. The crowd still surrounding the area screamed in horror.

She watched with wide eyes as the huge bird-man landed on the rooftop just a few feet away from her crouched form. It was the closest she’d been to the masked—villain? She wasn’t sure—and he was far more intimidating than she’d first assumed.

His glowing beady green eyes didn’t so much as glance in her direction as he slung Spider-Man over the edge of the building, the tip of one of his wings wrapped around his throat.

An involuntary gasp tore through her chest.

It wasn’t that she was worried about the hero. For one, she knew he was more than capable of fending for himself. It wasn’t even that she cared if he got hurt. He was mostly an annoyance to her, his illusive nature making her job way harder than usual.

But if she knew one thing in this moment, it was that the bird-man was the bad guy, and she couldn’t let him win.

So, she did something really stupid.

She found the closest thing that she thought might actually do any kind of damage—which was, unfortunately, an old bike helmet next to the dumpster—and chucked it at the pair.

It hit one of the metal wings with a pathetic clink and all three of them froze.

Y/N held her breath as the man’s head turned in her direction slowly. Way too slowly. Like ‘I’m going to really enjoy killing you’ slowly.

After that, everything happened impossibly fast.

“Hey! Watch out!” 

She barely had time to recognize the panicked voice before she was flying. Her stomach flipped and she couldn’t even scream, overcome with sudden vertigo. She pinched her eyes shut the second she saw the top of a building and clutched onto whatever was carrying her away. 

If it was the weird bird guy, she accepted whatever evil plan he had. But, if it was Spider-Man, she was going to kill him.

It must’ve only been seconds before her feet touched solid ground, but it felt like an eternity to her. The moment she felt the stability beneath her, she began fighting against her captor.

“Let me go! Oh my god. If you don’t put me down right now—”

“What the hell—ow!”

Once she was free, she staggered away from him with a huff. She cleared the hair out of her eyes and bent over, resting her hands on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding wildly and her stomach was still doing summer-salts.

She raised her eyes to send a withering glare toward the masked man. “Never do that shit again.”

He stared at her—at least she assumed—for a long moment before taking a step forward.

“What the hell was that? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt.” He gestured wildly with his hands, clearly agitated.

“That’s one way to thank me for saving your life.” Y/N ground out, sounding way more bitter than she would’ve liked.

“Saving my—” The eyes on his mask narrowed incredulously. “You did not save my life. All you did was distract me and put like ten other people in danger.”

She couldn’t help but scoff. “Please. Spare me the morality speech, Spider-Man. We both know you don’t bother worrying about people like me.”

Y/N was all too familiar with how superheroes think. When they’re in the middle of a fight, all they care about is winning. They usually have a bigger mission to accomplish. One that doesn’t concern itself with the lives left behind.

“People like you are all I worry about, trust me.”

With that harsh declaration, a heavy silence fell between them. Y/N clenched her jaw tightly, biting her tongue to prevent the floodgates from opening. Spider-Man wasn’t the only one who deserved her hostility toward superheroes, he just happened to be the one in front of her now.

Instead of speaking her mind, she turned on her heel and stalked away from him. At this point, it was late. The sun had set and her dad surely knew she wasn’t home when she promised. She had to accept that today just wasn’t her day and head back for some damage control.

Peter, feeling his chest tighten with regret for the way he’d snapped, followed closely behind her quick steps.

“Wait!” She actually stopped, something he wasn’t expecting, so he rammed right into her back. His hands quickly wrapped around her biceps as she spun around. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I, uh...”

He didn’t know what to say. This was the second time in one night he’d run into her, but he was still dumbstruck. The circumstances weren’t ideal. He thought he’d lost her earlier, but then she had to go and put herself in danger.

He took a step away from her, dropping his hands and rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. He had to remind himself that she had no idea who he was. Even if he did embarrass himself—like he usually did around her—she wouldn’t know it was him when they saw each other in the halls come Monday.

“At least let me get you home.” He insisted, feeling bad that he’d indirectly kept her out so late.

Y/N pursed her lips, immediately wanting to accept his offer but trying not to give too much away. Truthfully, she was exhausted. She just wanted to get home and deal with the fallout disobeying her curfew would bring so she could get some sleep.

“Alright.” She sighed, pulling anxiously at the straps of her bag. She knew this meant she’d have to swing through the streets again, something she wasn’t nearly ready to do.

Nevertheless, she allowed Spider-Man to walk toward her. She averted her eyes as he wrapped an arm around her back and tried not to let her breath catch when his gloved fingers skimmed the exposed skin of her lower back where her shirt had ridden up.

Warmth enveloped her as his proximity settled in. Under his mask, Peter’s face was burning. This was by far the closest he’d been to his classmate. Or any girl, actually. Not wanting to think about it for a second longer, he shot a web toward a nearby building and followed the directions Y/N yelled out.

Within minutes, they landed on the helipad outside her front door.

Peter felt his stomach drop with realization once he let his eyes wander around the outside of the huge building.

“Oh my god. Is this seriously where you live?” He cleared his throat after squeaking out the question, not necessarily wanting to give away his shock.

“What?” Y/N scoffed teasingly. “Don’t I look like a spoiled rich girl?”

“That’s not—I wasn’t—” He didn’t know what he was trying to say, honestly. There were endless questions flitting through us mind at warp speed.

If she lived here, at the Avengers Tower, did that mean she was one of them? And he just hadn’t met her yet? Or did she work for Mr. Stark? But she was so young. He guessed she could be an assistant or something. Maybe she worked for Pepper? Or Happy? Or, she could—

Y/N rolled her eyes, deciding to spare him the embarrassment of sputtering any more. “My dad is famous...like helped form the Avengers famous.”

Peter’s mind went blank. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Cap?” It was the first name to spill out of his mouth. “Wait, can he even have kids?”

Y/N couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her at his assumption. “He totally can, but no.”

“Oh.” The gears of his brain started turning again and realization slowly dawned on him. He felt his throat run dry as his eyes widened behind his mask. “Oh.”

Shit. This was way worse. He couldn’t believe he had no idea who she really was. Sure, she used a different last name at school, but he should’ve seen the resemblance sooner.

“Look, I know you two have worked together.” Y/N sighed, thinking back to all those weeks her dad was gone fighting Steve and the rest of his friends for no real reason. “Can you just...not tell him about this?”

Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion. Why wouldn’t she want Mr. Stark knowing that she’d been with him?

Either way, he agreed, since he had a favor to ask of his own. “Only if you won’t.”

She gave him this dumbfounded look, and he knew he had to elaborate.

“He made me this suit before the whole thing with Captain America, so I thought he would keep giving me missions, but now it’s been months and he won’t return my calls. I’m lucky if I get through to Happy. He doesn’t want me getting involved in this stuff, so...”

It struck Y/N then how weird it was to hear a superhero talk about her family so casually. It didn’t seem possible that the two of them were in the same circles. Sure, she’d practically grown up with a few of the world’s most famous heroes, but somehow Spider-Man was different.

He was local. And elusive. A pure mystery to her.

“What exactly is this stuff?” She thought back to the weird glowing object in her bag, having almost forgotten it was there.

“I don’t know.” Peter shook his head, seemingly defeated. “I thought it was just neighborhood stuff, but those guns...I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Alien tech.” Y/N said without hesitation, although she wasn’t actually positive that’s what it was. “My dad has some in his workshop. It was leftover from the Battle of New York.”

“How does it work?” Peter found himself asking excitedly, easily pushing all the other revelations from this conversation to the back of his mind.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, looking away from him as her chest tightened with emotion. “I’ve never gotten close enough to any of it to see. He likes to keep me out of things too...”

It was at that moment, as a breath of silence settled between them, that they realized she was still in his arms. Y/N’s face erupted with heat and she quickly pushed herself away from him. Once her feet were back on the ground, they both stepped backward to create some much needed distance.

“I, ah...better get back...”

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go too...”

They looked at each other for a few long moments. It was at if neither of them truly wanted to separate, but knew they had to. It was clear, though, that they’d just formed some kind of connection.

Y/N felt something strange—and wildly inappropriate—brewing in her chest. A certain kind of attraction toward the masked hero she’d never considered before. It appalled her, honestly. It wasn’t like she hated the guy, but she certainly didn’t like him. And she had no idea who he was. He could be eight years old, for all she knew.

With that realization, she turned on her heel and stalked down the narrow entrance to the Avengers Tower, her face still burning. She heard the thwip of Spider-Man’s webbing and knew he’d be gone if she looked back. So she didn’t.

She pressed her hand against the touchpad outside the front door and quickly slipped inside once it recognized her prints. She sighed heavily and let herself fall back against the door, the comfort of home enveloping her.

The peace was short lived, however, as she caught sight of her mother waiting expectantly behind the bar to her left. With a glass of red wine in hand, her knowing gaze shifted from the helipad outside to Y/N’s stiff frame.

She took a slow sip, eyes narrowing over the rim of the glass.

“You’re so grounded.”

———————————————————————

let me know what you think!! should I continue this series??

[bre-meister]

Spiders

Thank you @over-under-through1 for the prompts!

Butch’s class had run late and for an already unusually late class to run late meant that by the time he turned his car onto his street it was already late enough that most houses were dark. An errant light could be seen behind closed curtains here and there - some even turning off as Butch drove by as if reading his mind that it was just utterly too late to be lurking about in or outside the house.

Pulling into the driveway of the small two-bedroom house he shared with his girlfriend, Butch contemplated whether he should risk opening the garage and pulling in or just leave the car outside tonight. He knew that Buttercup tended to complain that on late nights like these the sound of the garage door rattling as it opened was enough to wake a normal person let alone someone with super hearing. He could see lights flashing intermittently through the front window and assumed that Buttercup had been watching t.v on the couch trying to wait up for him. She might not be asleep but it was more likely than not - it wouldn’t be the first time she’d fallen asleep in front of the television. Butch was tired and already annoyed at being forced to be out so late because his professor’s tangents went on tangents. He wasn’t quite sure he had the patience to deal with a sleepy, pissed off Buttercup Utonium at the moment, so he turned the car off.

 Stepping out and closing the heavy door as quietly as he could, he made his way to the front door. He tried to keep his keys from clanging around too much while still trying to unlock the door. Butch expected the house to be quiet. Maybe he’d pick up on BC’s soft snores - she insisted she didn’t snore but Butch found it endearing if not a little cute - or the sounds of some random show playing from what he’d thought was the t.v. What he was not expecting, not in the slightest, were the multiple holes and char marks on the wall. 

A loud commotion in the living room caught his attention and he went into defense mode, floating above the floor to avoid making any sound. If there was an intruder - although anyone would be stupid to try to break into a Ruff or a Puff’s house - he didn’t want to alert them anymore to his presence than he already had when he opened and closed the door.

Turning the corner from the entry hallway into the main room he was shocked to see Buttercup floating above the couch, lasers firing from her eyes every few seconds.

Well, he thought, that explains the lights through the window.

“Buttercup,” he whispered. When she didn’t acknowledge his presence he repeated her name a bit louder, “Buttercup!” A bit louder turned into yelling to be heard over her war cries.

She paused and looked at him quickly before turning back to whatever she had been doing before. Without his powers aiding him in tracking her motions, he probably wouldn’t have realized she’d even acknowledged him at all. He might have been tracking her motions, but it seemed that she was tracking the movement of something else.

A quick scan of the room told him that there was no one else there but her and him.

“Buttercup,” he sounded exasperated, annoyed, confused, but also curious at the same time, “what the fuck are you doing?”

“Well,” she started to explain but her eyes were still looking around rapidly, “ I was in the kitchen because I had cooked and I wanted to leave you some food out for when you got back and I was cleaning up and then I came out here to sit on the couch and wait up but then I saw a spider and I almost had it until you distracted me and now I don’t know where it is!” her rambling had turned frantic by the end.

It Butch’s brain, tired as it was, a moment to catch up to what she had said.

“I - a spider?” Butch was dumbfounded. He knew that his girlfriend had a fear of the eight legged creatures but he never thought it would express itself in the physical act of putting holes in the wall.

“Yes a - “ something moved out of the corner of his eye and Buttercup squealed - a most dignified squeal that definitely did not sound like Bubbles thank you very much - “SPIDER, YOU GET THAT SIDE OF THE ROOM IT CAN'T RUN FROM BOTH OF US!”

Somehow, the spider was managing to evade her erratic eye beams so Buttercup changed her tactic. Another beam shot out turning those beautiful jade eyes a menacing red. Unlike its predecessors, this was not a quick, contained blast but one continuous beam. The lasers followed the spider who was, somehow, still managing to outrun the blast. Butch realized that Buttercup was either going to fry the spider or burn the house down trying. Butch rather liked their little start-up and would rather keep the damage to a minimum so he decided to step in.

“Buttercup stop! Calm down!”

The beam continued - she wasn’t listening. Thinking quickly Butch flew up behind her and covered her eyes with his hands, effectively blocking the beams. His palms burned from the intensity of the lasers. His hands being so close to the source didn’t help either. Briefly, Butch considered that he hadn’t completely thought this plan through. In the end though, it was better his X enhanced skin took the brunt of the attack rather than the already scorched walls. They wouldn’t have held up much longer from the looks of it.

“What the fuck, it’ll get away!”

“No, it won’t. It’s just sitting on the wall or, well, what’s left of it.” The last half of the sentence was mumbled but with their superpowers he was more than certain she had heard him.

“Just let me handle it ok? I’d rather not have to sleep in the cold because you burned our house down trying to get rid of a spider.”

“Whatever, just make sure it’s gone! And I mean gone. None of that, taking git outside shit just so it can come back later!I don’t want to see another spider in here ever again!”

If Butch were less mature like he’d been in his youth, he would have laughed at her for the way her tone wobbled. She was clearly shaken up by the idea of the things she feared - and that list was very small - invading her home, her safe space. But this Butch, the one who had grown and matured recognized that teasing would only cause her to clam up and when it came to Buttercup and fear, her bottling it up never boded well for the future.

So, Butch simply slung his backpack around his shoulder and opened the bag. As he made his way closer to the arachnid he pulled out one of his textbooks. Crouching down, so he was level with the spider, Butch took a moment to address it,

“Sorry little guy. I hate to do this but,” he shrugged, “the missus had spoken.” 

Standing up, Butch swung quickly using the hard textbook to end their little spider problem. He collected a tissue from another pocket in his backpack to wrap up the squashed spider.

Walking into the kitchen he saw Buttercup by the stove. The microwave was going behind her and she fidgeted as Butch leaned around her to deposit the tissue in the trashcan.

“Is it… is it over?” She asked quietly.

Butch couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped as he answered,

“Yes, Sunshine. It’s over.” he moved in closer, hands rising to grab her hips when suddenly she was on the other side of the kitchen. 

“Uh uh. Wash your hands first!”

Butch raised his hands in front of him as he moved towards the sink. He made a show of washing and drying his hands. When he was done, he held them out in front of him, eyebrow raising,

“Good?”

“I suppose,” she hummed.

Butch spread held his arms out further and just as quickly as she’d dogged him earlier, she was in his arms. Her own wrapped around his neck as he placed his on her waist.

“Thank you. I know it’s kind of stupid but -”

“No,” he interrupted softly, “the way you feel, your fears? They’re never stupid. Not to me. I’ll gladly slay a spider for you anyday, butterfly. Especially if it means keeping the house from falling down.”

“I am sorry about that.” Buttercup looked over her shoulder at the decimated wall that used to separate the kitchen from the living room.

“Well, look on the bright side.” She said after a moment.

“And that would be?” Butch was genuinely curious as to what she was about to come up with.

“I mean, it wasn’t a load bearing wall,” she turned back to him and shrugged her shoulders, “ Now we have that open floor plan I’ve been saying I wanted.” Buttercup smiled playfully.

The laugh that escaped Butch’s moth was sudden and loud. If the neighbors hadn’t awoken by all the lasers and shouting they certainly would by the loud laughter at such a late hour.

Butch’s stomach growled reminding him that it was late and he hadn’t eaten since early afternoon. Buttercup’s light laughs joined him at the sound. Butch ignored his hunger. Instead, he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Buttercup’s lips.

The two separated once the microwave beeped, signaling it was done heating up whatever was inside it.

“Common Mr. Hero. I put your plate in the microwave. Eat so we can go to bed. I’m tired and it’s late.”

Butch preened at the nickname knowing that it was only half a joke. Reluctantly he let her go sso she could get his food out of the microwave. He moved to the fridge to get them drinks before returning to the table where Buttercup now sat, a plate of hot food in front of his usual seat. Butch couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

They talked as he ate. She told him about her day and he did the same. As she launched into a story about some of the characters, as she called them, that visited her bakery - a small start up but Butch just knew that, with Buttercup’s talent, it would take off - Butch couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t mind the late nights as long as he got to spend them with her.

[yonymii]

2 arabesques

a/n; this one was hard to write bc I did it while having writers block but I hope it's ok!! I love alisa a lot she is lovely and I would marry her if she was real 🥰🥰😍😁😁 also I got very absorbed like, halfway through so y/ns personality is basically me. yes

wc; 3.9k

warnings; cursing,

genre; fluff, strangers/friends to lovers, romance

pairing; alisa haiba x gn!reader

listen to 2 arabesques here!

She reminded you of the old paintings of angels you’d seen in art galleries as a child. It was weird, seeing something so ethereal reincarnate as a university student. She didn’t belong here; she belonged on a pedestal, deserved to be adored. But life was unfair, you supposed, and not everyone could experience the excitement of such an elaborate life. Perhaps that was why she was studying fashion modeling in the first place (whatever that was). You’d probably never know. She had absolutely no idea who you were.

By the time you’d stopped daydreaming, your final class of the day was over and everyone had left. Only you were left in the lecture hall, sitting at the very back with your head resting ontop of your arms, the shuffling of the professor packing up his things quickly making tiny little noises at the front of the room. He left, the door swinging shut behind him, but it wasn’t locked. 

It didn’t take you long to pack up, seeing as your laptop hadn’t left your bag in the first place. You swung it over your shoulder after your coat, tucking your hands into the sleeves to protect them from the bite of the wind. It had been snowing when you arrived in the morning, and it took and hour to wake up your fingers to be able to type, let alone write anything. 

The hallways were quiet (as usual; it wasn’t as if anyone wanted to stay in school when they didn’t need to). The little shop on the ground floor had a few students in it, but they were in a hurry to leave too. The large exit doors had obviously been open all day and it was absolutely freezing. You were glad you’d put on your big coat in the morning; it was a long walk back to your apartment and you planned on going to a coffee shop before going there.

It had stopped snowing, but the ground was covered in puddles and your boots and feet got soaked in numbingly cold water as you wandered towards the place you usually studied. It was slowly getting darker as you walked and the sun was lowering itself below the tall line of skyscrapers and apartment blocks when you entered the coffee shop and joined the small queue of teenagers and tired-looking adults ordering their drinks. 

It was quiet inside but you were thankful for the warmth the heaters provided, and the low hum of voices under the music wasn’t unwelcome; you payed for your drink quickly and went to sit at your usual spot, the two-seater table in the corner. There was a small, dim light hanging above your head and it lit the space in a soft, golden glow, unlike the rest of the coffee shop that was lit by streetlamps outside. The moon was hid behind a building, only half of it visible, but you still found yourself staring at it for an unnecessary amount of time. It reminded you of her; your friend’s friend. The girl studying fashion modeling. 

To be quite honest, you didn’t see her that often, so it was a mystery as to why she plagued your mind so often. Apparently, her brother played volleyball for a highschool called Nekoma (albeit not very well), and she was half Russian. Not that it mattered to you, though. You supposed that you’d like her anyway. 

Suddenly, you found yourself snapped out of your little trance by the waiter bringing your mug to the table and setting it down a little too loudly. He walked away quickly, avoiding any sort of contact with you, but you weren’t bothered by it. You were focused on your book so the lack of conversation wasn’t disappointing in the slightest. The bell at the door rung again, and because of the small distraction of your drink arriving you raised your head to see who it was, somewhat begrudgingly, despite it being completely of your own accord.

Your eyes were met with a pair of stark green ones that seemed to go right through you; you shivered, not because they were unfriendly. Admittedly, you knew who she was, but your frank lack of energy made it hard to want to communicate with anyone, and so you pretended not to see her, looking back down at your book and swiftly burying yourself in the pages, as if you were trying to hide from her.

You knew your efforts were futile though. She was almost too nice, and it wasn’t like she knew you were already half-asleep and probably weren’t able to form a coherent sentence. At this point, you weren’t even reading. The words were going right over your head. 

You heard her footsteps before her voice, and you didn’t even need to look up to know she was smiling. “Y/n!”. Too loud. You tried not to wince to noticeably.

“Hey, Alisa,” you managed to spit a greeting out. You weren’t sure what you thought about her at this point. You were tired, and it was late, and you had so many essays due that you doubted you’d get more than an hour of sleep over the next few days. Yeah, sure, you loved her but you were so overwhelmed you didn’t think you’d be able to handle talking to one more person. Emotions were confusing (especially when you considered yourself to be in love, whatever that felt like).

“How have you been?”, her voice was like silk, and you had to wait a moment to process what she was saying. Alisa continued, “I haven’t seen you since last month! How have you been?” she looked down at your book, then at your bag that barely held all the paper assigments from your classes. She laughed (the same laugh that gave you heart palpitations. This  was the reason she wasn’t good for you) “You look busy.”

You laughed (it was sort of forced, but that isn’t the point), “Yeah. School tends to keep you busy,” you paused, adding shakily, “I’m used to it, though. Don’t worry about me!” 

The blonde girl frowned as she watched you panic, your eyes darting everywhere but her. It was hard not to worry when you watch someone you consider a friend fall apart in the back corner of a coffee shop. She tried her best to ignore it though, and as soon as you managed to look back at her she continued the conversation.

“I don’t think we have each other’s numbers yet, y/n. Do you mind exchanging? Maybe we could go out together sometime, since i have to get home and look after Lev,” she sighed, and her eyes closed momentarily, “He’s a bit of a handful. For a fifteen-year-old.”

You didn’t have the energy to feel sorry for her but you let her enter her number into your phone, and she listened attentively when you told her yours to make sure she didn’t get it wrong and end up texting a random stranger to make plans. After you watched her leave, take-out cup of coffee in hand, you lay your head on the darkening pages of your book, ear pressed to the paper. You closed your eyes for a moment and then sat up, breathing deeply as you drank the rest of your tea. You closed your book, tucking it into the bottom of your bag and standing up, patting your coat pocket to check that your phone was still in there. 

It was pitch-black when you stepped outside, and the streetlamps made you squint and cover your eyes with one hand; your apartment wasn’t too far away but it was cold and taxis were easy. You flagged one down and climbed into the back, sitting directly behind the driver (it made you feel safer anyway), and you put in your headphones. 

The drive passed quickly, and as soon as you paid for the journey and exited the car you began to walk briskly up the stairs to your place. Your keys were in the same pocket as your phone, and you pulled them out wearily, pushing the silver one into the lock and turning it till you heard the familiar click. 

The door felt extra heavy tonight, and your bag dropped to the floor just as quickly as you dropped onto your bed. The lights were too bright to turn on but the fairy lights lining the walls were fine; you opted for them as you dropped your thick coat next to your bag and shoes. Closing the window from the freezing cold and switching on the little heater, you crawled into bed and let the warmth envelop you. You fell asleep in mere seconds, ignoring the loud vibrations from your phone carry across the room. 

-

Most of the time, when you don’t want to reply to someone’s message or call them back, you just pretend to have not read it or noticed in the first place. It was weird, leaving the notification there, just to remind yourself that she texted you first. When you’d exchanged numbers the previous week, you just assumed that you’d be the first one to reach out. That’s how it had been with every other friend you’d made. You weren’t disappointed; in fact, you were grateful. You hated having to initiate conversations, however you still felt bad for not replying. 

It had been five days since Alisa first messaged you, three since the second time, and fifteen minutes since the last. The latest one read ‘I’m coming over. Be about 20 minutes!’. 

You sighed, reading it once more and then turning your brightness down. Just because you hadn’t replied to any of her texts didn’t mean you weren’t ok. The music barely reached your ears since you were buried so deep under your covers, but that was fine. You weren’t really listening to it anyways.

There was a knock at the door. You didn’t think that the person on the other side realised how thin it was, but you definitely heard them sigh and let out a string of curses after you didn’t reply. It was Alisa, but you knew that. Nobody else would want to check in on you. The doorknob rattled and you winced; too loud. It opened, a little quieter this time, and slowly, the covers were peeled off of your figure. Alisa sighed (again. How sick of you could she possibly be? You only got back in touch less that six days ago) and looked down at you with disdain. 

“You need to get up. Have you missed any classes?” you shook you head in response to her questions. You couldn’t miss classes. It’s not as if you found them particularly difficult. Just a little boring, that’s all. 

You closed your eyes, tapping your fingers against the mattress. The blinds had been opened and now the evening light was pouring into your room unfiltered. Alisa grabbed your wrist gently, pulling you up painfully slowly. You groaned, rubbing your eyes and patting her hand to let her know you can sit up on your own. 

You opened your eyes somewhat begrudgingly, squinting from the still too-bright light. Alisa was stood at your small fridge, rifling through whatever food was left in there. She pulled out a half-full bottle of milk and a packet of ham. “Do you not uhh,” she paused, “have any… other kinds of food? Or is your diet limited to milk and ham sandwiches?” 

“I usually get takeout. Or ham sandwiches. Sort of depends how lazy i’m feeling on that day.” She turned and smiled at you, nodded her head back towards the door. “We can go to mine. I have ‘good’ food there. Lev needs feeding anyways.”. You grinned, “I thought Lev was fifteen?” 

“Yeah, but he’s still incompetent. I’ll teach him to cook later, when i’m not taking care of you.”

You looked down at your lap, and then at the pair of shoes on the floor next to your bed. Sliding them on, you stood, looking at Alisa for approval. “You look fine. When was the last time you changed?”

You hesitated, thinking for a moment, “A few hours ago, when i got back from class.” You grabbed the brush on the bedside table and combed through your hair a few times, evening it out from the mess it was a minute ago. “C’mon,” Alisa opened the door, “Don’t forget your keys! I doubt you wanna get locked out, right?”

-

Alisa’s house was big. She was lucky not to have to live in student accommodation, in all honesty. When you sat down on her large sofa, you heard the voices of two adults nearing. You weren’t sure what to think at this point. You and Alisa barely knew each other, and she’d come to your apartment, dragged you out of bed, invited you into her home where her whole family was. 

“Alisa, darling? Have you brought a friend over?” 

You saw her nod out of the corner of your eye as she made your meal, humming quietly to the tune of the music. There were loud, fast footsteps in the corridor that her parents had exited and looking up, you saw a lanky grey-haired boy with the same stark green eyes as her. He was almost as tall as the ceiling, and when he entered the room he had to duck to get through the threshold. You assumed this was Lev, Alisa’s high school age brother. Volleyball boy. Whatever. He was unimportant, and you were hungry. 

“Ah! Lyovochka! Are your teammates here? Do they want food?” she didn’t look up from the kitchen counter as she spoke but Lev nodded, running back to ask his friends if they wanted food. (He never came back to give any sort of answer, though)

“So!” the sudden appearance of Alisa’s mother was unexpected. She was just as pretty as her daughter, but very obviously older. “What’s your name?”

You stuttered, panicking slightly, avoiding any possible eye contact. You looked to Alisa for help, and caught her gaze as she hurried over, sitting next to you. “This is y/n, mom. We met a while ago but i invited her over for lunch today,” she looked at you and patted your thigh, trying to calm you down slightly, “We might go out to the city later, if that’s okay with them.”

Alisa’s mother raised her eyebrows at your unwillingness to speak; maybe she thought you were being rude, but you didn’t have the capacity to worry about that right now. “Nice to meet you, y/n.” You nodded, slightly dizzy from being so overwhelmed but trying to be as polite as possible nonetheless. Alisa’s dad was stood behind the sofa, a large cup of what you assumed to be tea inbetween his hands. 

Alisa stood and ushered her parents away, towards the door. “Were you going out?” they nodded, grabbing bags and phones on the way out, “We’ll see you later, then!” Her father tried protesting, but Alisa reassured them that Lev was completely fine while you and her were here. 

Once the door was closed, Alisa looked back at you apologetically. “Sorry about them! They can be a little overbearing sometimes.” she gave you a small smile and pulled out two plates. “I think that’s an understatement.” you replied quietly. 

She laughed loudly, earning a smile from you. “I’m glad you’re okay now though.” she looked at you, smile instantly gone from her face. “You are okay, right?” You nodded, and she relaxed, serving your food onto the plates and bringing them round to the coffee table you were sat facing. “It might be a little hot. Wait a bit before you try it.”

You picked up your plate and put it onto your lap, the warmth of it heating your legs, as if the heat of the room wasn’t already enough. Your face felt warm and your hands shook slightly as you reached to pick up the food; you were either hungry or nervous. It was probably best to not think about it too much.

Alisa was staring at the TV that was sat on a polished wooden desk by the wall, her eyes mirroring the images from the screen. From the looks of it, she was watching a documentary on animals in the arctic, probably one you’d seen before. You weren’t looking at it, but the narrator’s voice sounded familiar and when you were little you’d watch stuff like that constantly, sometimes the same one over and over again until you got bored of it then moved on to the next one (which you’d also - metaphorically - beat half to death and then abandon)

After your meal, the two of you were still, to your displeasure, sat it silence. Alisa had turned the show off and was now sat reading a book and you were fiddling with your hands, waiting for her to notice you and let you go home (really, you could leave any moment, but you didn’t want to say anything first). 

You stood up upon hearing Lev shouting from what you assumed was his room, and Alisa’s head immediately snapped up. She checked the time on the clock above the kitchen counter, and gasped, looking at you apologetically. 

“Gosh! Y/n, you should have told me it was so late! I’ll walk you home.”

You shook your head, and the blonde girl in front of you sighed. “Are you sure? It’s getting dark. At least let me call you a taxi, ok?”. You hummed out a noise of approval and she picked up her phone that had been resting precariously on the arm of the sofa. 

As she was speaking to the person on the other end of the line, (a series of yeses followed by her address and then your street. You smiled, tapping your chest and then sliding your arms into the sleeves of your jacket. She opened the door for you and the taxi pulled into her drive as you stepped out of the threshold; you waved at her, thanking her for your stay, and then wandered over to the taxi, sitting in your usual seat (behind the driver) and she only closed the door of her home when the car drove off. Your phone buzzed; ‘text me when you get home safe, ok! -Alisa <3’.    

-

The next month was January.

The holiday season had passed without you seeing Alisa once, except for in a corner shop once, where you pretended not to see her but ended up being approached anyways. That time there was a pink coating her porcelain skin (you weren’t sure whether it was makeup, the cold or an actual blush, but you opted for the last one to satisfy yourself somewhat).

You sort of wished that you’d been able to spend the holidays with her, though. Sometimes, you found yourself thinking about her unconsciously. It was weird, but you ignored it. Stuff like that seemed like a lot of effort to you, and you were not notorious for being invested in relationships, platonic or romantic. 

You only had one class today, and after that you saw her in the hallways. She’d obviously had a class in the same building of you, and as usual, you pretended not to have seen her. You just kept walking, coffee in hand, eyes on the floor. Again, like the first time you’d really talked, you heard her footsteps approaching and accepted your fate. 

“Y/n! Hey!” she kept walking after you; you buried your face into your scarf and tried to get yourself to stop but it felt like your feet were moving on their own. Why were you ignoring her? You liked her, for god’s sake! You barely knew her, you should be using moments like these to get to know her better! What the hell were you doing?

Her hand landed on your shoulder and pulled you back. By now, the pair of you were outside, and your feet were crunching over newly layed snow. It was coming down thickly, you had to squint to see her properly. She looked tired, and her face was pale in comparison to the pink of the tip of her nose and her ears. It was cold, after all, and she didn’t have a scarf of hat or anything. You wanted to lend her yours; that was what people who were close did, wasn’t it? Why did she look so bedraggled anyway? 

“Y/n, seriously, stop.” 

You frowned, confused. You looked sad? And why would she care anyways? You weren’t close, and you could see her friends looking on from the steps of the building. The snow was catching in her hair and it felt like time had stopped; she really did look unreal. “I didn’t know you cared about me so much, Alisa. We’re not close, and we barely ever talk.”

It looked like she was about to cry. Maybe it was the cold?

“I don’t need a reason to care about you, y/n!” she reached a hand up to rub her eyes, “I can’t seem to stop thinking about you, and it’s driving me crazy!” she pointed to her friends on the steps, “They know it!” she was shouting now, and the wind seemed to whistle even louder in your ears, “Everyone else seems to know i’m in love with you except you! And i’m sorry if i didn’t make it obvious enough for you.”

At this point your brain was going overdrive to process what she’d just told you. You knew you probably looked stupid just standing there and staring at he but what else could you do? This wasn’t exactly how you’d pictured your evening going, and despite receiving confessions before this one felt different; you felt like your heart was on fire. It burned, and you were out of breath despite standing completely still. Alisa reached out and took your freezing cold hand into her own. She was surprisingly warm, and there were tears dripping off of her chin onto her coat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, you probably never felt the same way. Like you said, right? We barely even know each other.”

You stepped forward (again, it felt like you weren’t in control of your own feet) and with the hand Alisa wasn’t holding, cupped her cold cheek. She looked back at you and you could see her friends out of the corner of your eyes chewing the inside of their cheeks. It was embarrassing to say the least, but necessary. Alisa sniffed, and you looked back down at the ground, shaking your head. “No that’s not what i..” you tried to make your voice louder, “I just didn’t expect you to also feel like that.” 

She laughed (it was probably the most beautiful noise you’d ever had the pleasure of hearing) and leaned in so that your foreheads were touching, her pretty smile still adorning her lips. “I’m glad,” she whispered, and the burning of your cheeks felt like a blazing fire across your face. 

“Call me later, ok?” you nodded as she moved her face away, hand leaving yours reluctantly. “We can go out sometime. If it’s uhh.. okay with you, of course.” You giggled, and Alisa waved, her friends running after her (also giggling and patting Alisa’s head in what looked like celebration). It had stopped snowing, and the sun was shining through the clouds in a golden evening glow, lighting up the city marvellously. You decided to walk home today.

tags; @chqrryvelvet @wissbby

[hold-my-hand-kuroo]

hi! can I request a Haikyuu scenario? idk if you're write or not for new characters but if you write for them can you write a random fluff scenario with Sakusa Kiyoomi and if you're don't write for new characters then can it be Akaashi Keiji with same scenario?

unintentionally did a sick scenario bc i felt like that would bring the most out of omi, but now that we’re here, stay healthy!! wash ur hands with soap and do not touch ur face!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sakusa + Sick s/o

“Omi Omi,” you call from the comfort of your blankets. Despite the careful way he positioned all your pillows so that no matter what you’d feel at ease, you can’t help but wonder what he’s been doing outside your room for such a long period of time. Sighing, you try to get his attention again, this time barely a whisper.

“First of all, will you stop calling me that?” Sakusa mutters, entering your room with a tray, his signature mask, and an ugly glare. “Secondly, stop talking, period. You’ll lose your voice completely.”

While setting down the tray, he catches you struggling to get up.

“I said no leaving the bed, didn’t I? Don’t you want to get better?”

“Well, I’m supposed to eat, right?” you ask with a raised eyebrow. “What are you gonna do? Feed me?”

You meant it as a tease, but when Sakusa grabs a chair and sets it next to your bed with a bowl of soup in hand, you almost can’t believe your eyes. Despite his kind gesture, he makes sure to stay at least three feet away from you and chooses instead to stretch his arm so that the spoon can reach your lips. You almost laugh.

“Start giggling and you’ll make me spill the soup,” he quips, rolling his eyes. You listen and take a sip, so that he can retract the spoon. “How…how is it?”

“It tastes like hot water,” you laugh softly. Sakusa says nothing, but you can tell that he’s a little offended. “It’s good hot water though.”

“I can’t help it,” he murmurs, replacing the wet towel on your forehead with a new one. “I just put everything that I thought would help you inside.”

“Oh, I can tell,” is your response, glancing at the murky, brown liquid. On a normal basis, you wouldn’t have drank, but seeing as your boyfriend had spent most of the morning on his creation, you can’t help but feel a little endeared. “I just wish you weren’t so far away from me. I’m starting to get the feeling that you hate me.”

“You know why I’m far away, so stop pretending to be sad,” he groans. “I don’t hate you, but I hate your germs.”

“So you love me?” you tease, almost cursing his mask for blocking what you assumed to be tinted cheeks. “Well? Do you?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“But you don’t even want to hold my hand,” you whine, rolling back and forth on your bed. “You’ve been in my house all day, and all you’ve been doing is lecturing-“

“As I should,” Sakusa grunts, continuing to feed you. “Do you know how risky it is to get sick right now? Sure, it might be just a fever, but imagine how bad it could get? And we both know that you’re terrible at taking care of yourself, so what if you end up collapsing alone in your home? Nobody would know, and you cold freeze to death. Alternatively, consider passing your germs onto me, and we’re both sick, and suddenly, everyone we know is sick.”

“But then if we’re both sick, would you hold my hand?” you ask, amused. “It wouldn’t matter, because if we’re both sick, shouldn’t it cancel out?”

“I think the fever is melting your brain,” he groans. Rolling his eyes for the umpteenth time (you swore they were going to get stuck at the back of his head), Sakusa urges you to finish up quickly. “After you’re done eating you can take the medicine.”

“I guess I should get better soon, huh?” you muse. “You’ll hold my hand when I’m not sick anymore, right?”

“…Yes,” he sighs after thinking.

“Cuddles, too?”

“I guess so.”

“Then,” you continue with a glint of mischief in your eyes, “what about kisses? Are those fair-game?”

This time, there’s a pause before he can answer.

“I’d wait two weeks,” Sakusa finally says, sending you into a fit of quiet giggles. “You never know if symptoms might show up again.”

[thoughtsdying]

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another. 

And I’m ok with that.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Songbird, Part 2

Also on AO3! 

Link to Part 1 

TL;DR: 

Izuku has a powerful quirk: he can give powers to the people around him based on the different songs he sings. Unfortunately, everyone else really wants that quirk and are willing to kidnap him to get it. 

Songbirds sing even when the music stops.

Hello I’m redefining Izuku’s quirk for the sake of more dramatic powers: Most songs are general power-ups (everyone in auditory range), others are personal power-ups (only the person singing). Both only affect those who hear them, unless the effect is 100% intrinsic. Izuku uses a lot of general power-ups because he’s helpful like that. Each song can only be used once per day.

Examples: A song that creates a forcefield will only be a barrier to those who hear it, but a strength increase is a strength increase no matter which way you slice it.

anyway! day 1 of class is ok bc izuku and bakugo head to school together, and its honestly a miracle he didn't get kidnapped again

anyway, he meets iida and is fucking floored when he apologises for yelling at him. uraraka calls him the "boy with the singing quirk" and hes pretty happy. bakugo is grudgingly pleased izuku has friends and sits down, izuku following suit. shinsou is half asleep at his desk and seems to have been there the whole time

aizawa does his little spiel, quirk assessment happens yadda-yadda. izuku looks so chill on the outside but the kid is freaking the fuck out internally

he's coming second in the test, aizawa still erases his quirk, more of an example to the class because he assumed izuku wouldnt lose his shit. he didn't - at least externally

from this we also find out izuku has a kind of internal metronome because he suddenly has no internal 'beat' when his quirk is erased. his hearing gets substantially worse too.

which serves to freak him the fuck out because he feels off balance and like hes had cotton stuffed in his ears

anyway, yeets the ball, all is good, bakugo glares fucking daggers at aizawa for singling out izuku and izuku tries not to dissociate

battle trial is nothing special, but bakugo just fucking,,, turns his hearing aids off so izukus quirk doesnt work on him

its a blessing and a curse because it leaves izuku free to use most personal powerups, but honestly bakugo wants a nice fight more than he wants to win so thats fine with him

izuku wins, but only just, izuku gives uraraka a speed up through the comm link, iida who was Not ready for that, loses

USJ

Bakugo and Izuku sing Stronger than You and kick ass for a solid while before the song runs out and the nomu hits them into the lake. Izuku, with a broken leg and the beginnings of a concussion, has to drag a semi-conscious Bakugo to shore and let me tell you they both almost drown like 8 times. Izuku helps All Might by singing Anything (Hedly), which functions honestly like a big Ol’ Plus Ultra to anyone believing in what they are doing. (It starts working on Shigiraki after the Stain arc, but before then he was acting without purpose)

Sports festival!

All Might and Izuku are basically dad and son in this universe too, so, despite the dissimilar quirks, Todoroki still calls out Izuku to fight. Because Todoroki is the son of Endeavour and privy to a little more heroics insider info than he really should be, he also knows how often Izuku deals with villains. In an attempt to piss off the eternally nice and collected boy enough to give him a fight he can piss off Endeavour with, he calls him a damsel in distress.

Izuku is fuming and Bakugo has to basically hold onto his forearm to stop him from clocking Todoroki right in the jaw, but lord is Bakugo also pissed. Todoroki, for a second, realises he may have fucked up.

Todoroki wins the first event, Izuku is pretty middling. Like he's top 10? But he didn’t make a major impact. But the guy sees Monoma and gets an Idea

“HI SO – I know you hate class 1A, and really there is something to be said for the way our school is trying to pit 2 classes of children against each other like a bitter blood feud - BUT I have an idea that could be 100% ridiculous and if you want 1B to make an impact, please work with me. I need to shove something in Todoroki’s face.”

“… I’m listening.”

The general idea is Izuku’s songs have a different effect when sung in a duet, some are only practical in duet form: IE, stronger than you is a dodge boost alone, but in a duet is a massive power boost to the two singing it. So what if two people with Izuku’s quirk sung a duet? Chaos, probably.

Monoma agrees because one of the only things he likes more than 1 upping 1A is quirk based tomfoolery. The team ends up consisting of Izuku, Monoma, Kendo and Uraraka. Kendo and Uraraka, with the use of Uraraka’s quirk, carry both Izuku and Monoma – the better you sing, the better the quirk works.

Its lucky Monoma knows most of the songs Izuku brings up as ideas, and adds some suggestions of his own. If the other two know the song it's not a bad idea to join in, but its not the end of the world if they don’t.

The list of songs they have on standby and their effect when sung by two people with the Songbird Quirk

Two Player Game - Be More Chill: It forms both a connection between the people singing it, allowing them to anticipate the other's movements and creates a semi-translucent double of each singer that mimics their movements with a half second delay, aka: each punch you throw hits twice.

Family – Mother Mother: Creates a kinda forcefield that hovers just above the body. The stronger the bond between the singers, the stronger the shield – good thing Uraraka and Kendo know that one.

Hurry Hurry – Airtraffic Controllers: Slows down your perception of time, giving the appearance of superhuman reflexes. With the addition of a partner, it also grants superspeed.

We don’t get tired, we get even – Pat the Bunny: The more energy you’ve used up, the more energy you get back when singing this song + a proportional increase in general ability.

Doubt Comes In – Hadestown: Anyone who hears it quickly loses the ability to fight other people, including the singers.

The Greatest Show – The Greatest Showman: In addition to the normal effect of drawing attention to the point you can’t look away, singers get a ‘moon jump’ ability.

Turn the Lights Off – Tally Hall: Makes the area pitch black and gives the singers monstrous forms with plenty of claws and eyes.

How they use these is up to your imagination, but they end having taken the 10’000’000 point band from Todoroki. Bakugo, the only person with a decent understanding of Izuku’s quirk, just turned off his hearing aids and told his team to block their ears when weird shit started to happen. They came second, Todoroki third and Shinsou’s team fourth.

Uraraka gets to the second round bc Bakugo fights Monoma in the first round and jesus that fight is hilarious because its just Monoma – while using Bakugo’s quirk too – insisting that Izuku has abandoned class 1A for class 1B and Bakugo getting progressively more done with this boy’s shit.

Izuku and Bakugo + Todoroki and Iida are the semi finalists. Izuku and Bakugo are mostly just like “Thank fuck I’ve been talking to so many god damn weirdos today please can we just have a normal fight”. Izuku wins, j u u s t. (Izuku and Bakugo have a pretty 50/50 win loss ratio going on in this AU)

Todoroki vs Izuku is the final round of the whole thing, Todoroki told him about Endeavour, Izuku is pissed that no one looks at him and sees him, they only see his quirk (other than like, 6 people at this point). So he gets where Todoroki is coming from but holy shit hes doing literally just that. The main song Izuku uses for that round is Escapism – Steven Universe which makes him intangible (other than like his feet so he doesn’t go through the floor like Mirio). He’s trying to get the vibe across to Todoroki that he is free of his blood. He stops singing just to scream that at him, which is really what loses him the round. He's not intangible anymore, so he has no way to dodge the fire that comes at him. But he's pretty happy anyway.

Stain Arc!

Izuku’s hero name is Lyre!

Izuku doesn’t intern with Gran, but he does visit the guy with him. All Might hasn’t given his quirk to anyone else because the only suitable person he can see is Izuku, but Izuku basically can’t say no to him so he’s having a crisis. Izuku just thinks he’s there to visit All Mights old mentor and shoot the shit, which is really what they do.

Gran basically just ends up telling him “Kid aint a wallflower, he’ll tell you to fuck off if he doesn’t want it. All Might decides to ask Izuku about it after everything is over.

Izuku ends up interning with Endeavour, along with Todoroki. He never ended up yelling at endeavour, even though he hates the guy. Shouto encouraged him to take the offer bc, 1, Endeavour literally never gives out internship offers and 2, it’d be more fun because that way he doesn’t need to deal with his dad’s bullshit alone.

Endeavour is like “Oh it’s the kidnap kid, your quirk is neat.” And izuku is smiling through gritted teeth like “Th Anks SiRr”

So, starts pretty normal, then the winged Nomu steals Izuku right off the ground. Izuku just says “I’ll be fine! Just keep doing what you're doing, I’ll get myself down.” Endeavour just shrugs like “Ok, I give you permission to defend yourself.” While Todoroki is screaming internally because his new friend is literally being flown away

So the Nomu that was once a really good friend of Izuku’s (not that izuku is aware of that) literally just dumps him somewhere else and leaves. Izuku is confused, really confused, so he starts walking his way back to where he was before he hears a familiar voice.

Guess who it’s Iida, with a serial killer standing right over him. Izuku panics and goes straight into Turn the Lights Off. Without Monoma it only makes it dark, but it’ll have to do.

Thing is: he has a key problem. By virtue of the fact he’s singing, Stain can always hear him. Izuku’s only advantage is that he can see Stain but stain can’t see him, and the darkness means Stain moves more cautiously.

Anyway, in the artificial darkness, he can send a longer text anyway.

Midoriya [7:31PM] stain – [Location Pin Dropped]

So a lot of people, All Might and Aizawa included, f r e a k o u t. Todoroki goes running, Endeavour sends sidekicks with him because he saw his son, normally deadpan, almost chocking on panic as he mutters “Midoriya found Stain.”

Endeavour very much wants to also get Stain but the Nomu are Very Pressing Right Now, so there isn’t much he can do other than try and hurry the fuck up. Torino is kicking around because he could mostly, trying to get a glimpse of All Might’s kid in action, ends up having to kick villain ass. He's not that concerned until he remembers “OH SHIT TOSHI’S BOY”. When he finds Endeavour the man, a little panicked for Endeavour’s standards, yells at him to go to the address bc his son and intern are fighting the fucking hero killer.

Gran Doesn’t think he’s moved so fast since he kicked All for One in the face with Nana 25 odd years ago.

So Stain is kinda pissed bc suddenly he can’t see and someone is singing. He goes to stab Iida but,,, he ain't there anymore, and the singing is fading away. He figures “oh well, lemme get native” the singing changes to a different song. Very quickly he can see, but the singing boy, still singing is rocketing towards him and rapidly changing form.

Monster – dodie: Literally shifts Izuku into a monster. Stain suddenly realises that this is Songbird, talk of the underground, most wanted quirk by villains and quirk traffickers everywhere. This kid, target of villains everywhere, has put himself in their sights just to try and help people.

He thinks maybe Songbird might be one of the good ones.

Oh, an aside? People calling him Songbird sets off hella panic attacks because the only people who do that are people actively trying to kidnap him. And that’s what stain is calling him.

His monster form wavers and he tries to sing through tears and hitching breaths and Stain smiles because he's still curled around Native with his claws out.

Todoroki gets there first and helps defend Iida, Izuku is fighting to keep stain away from Native. The pros are on the way, Izuku is fading fast. Endeavour has been training them hard so he's exhausted and freaking the fuck out, while someone waves swords in his face.

Stain gets him, he loses the monster form. This doesn’t help Izuku’s panic, because now he can’t move and he’s felt this before along with grabbing hands, and dark vans and ropes around his wrists praying someone knew where he was going so someone might know to come for him when he doesn’t get home.

Todoroki sees that and he doesn’t know what to do. Izuku is panicking – the boy who seemed so put together and on top of things s falling apart at the seams. Iida feels horrible. He just wants to go to his friend he's never seen that distraught before.

Todoroki does the only thing he can think of. He sings.

He was never into music before, be after the sports festival he learnt Escapism -the song Izuku sang to him – and singing it back to him is the only thing he can think of doing.

It helps. It really helps, because if there was one thing that never happened when Izuku was taken – it was singing. He calms down just enough to breathe, which is all he needs to do.

The quirk wears off and Izuku throws himself at Stain, the words to Thunder by Imagine Dragons already pouring from his lips and electricity pouring from himself. If Stain touches him, he's toast, even if its via a sword. Izuku just has to avoid thrown weapons.

Izuku gets a hit, the quirk wears off Iida, who rushes in to stop Izuku from taking a throwing knife to the arm. The three of them knock out Stain just as the heroes skid into the alley. Izuku lets out a sob and crumples to the ground, Iida and Todoroki rushing over to him. They both honestly look like they’d bite anyone who got too close. Gran calls All Might who starts hightailing his way over there – Aizawa is also breaking a few traffic laws to reach his pack of injured kids.

They don’t get there in time. Shirigaki, furious that the hero killer went against him, orders Kurogiri to get Izuku. They take Iida and Todoroki for good measure. The heroes watch in horror as the children they were meant to protect vanish under their noses.

Headlines the next day: “UA sports festival finalists defeat Hero Killer – only to be taken by Villains seconds later.”

[7dys]

highschool!jeno

repost !! if you’re reading this and think it seems familiar that's because you’ve already read it <3

word count: 7.1k 

a/n: this gif is so god damn CUTE im losing it anyways we’re breaking this accs fic virginity with one of my favs <333

warnings: underage drinking, some k*sses

lets start on the first day of school back from winter break

it’s cold as h*ck outside and you didn’t wear enough layers because ya know how cold could it be ??

the answer is: VERY COLD

you pull up to school and park next to donghyuck and immediately launch yourself into his car

it has seat warmers and you’re tryna get IN on that action

you’ve been friends with donghyuck and renjun since kindergarten when i tell you these boys have seen you at your WORST

you’ve recently adopted chenle as the youngest member of the Crew since he hates everyone in his grade lmao

prince chenle please have mercy on the plebeians :(((

anyways you’re in hyuckie’s car and shivering and he doesn’t even flinch when you get in bc this is a common occurrence

and then, like clockwork, renjun catapults into the backseat followed by chenle and they start shivering too

basically everyone is cold except donghyuck and he looks SMUG

and then chenle is like u guys !!! my bestie jisung says there’s a new kid today !!!! let’s befriend him !!!!!!!!!!!!

and you’re all like , who the hell is jisung

chenle explains in great detail how him and jisung both share a love for making fun of jisung’s senior friend, mark, and that they are now Best Friends Forever

renjun is lowkey insulted that his Son didn’t tell him but it’s okay

anyways you tell him to invite his other friends + new kid to come sit with you guys at lunch if it’s That Deep and chenle squeals and bounces in his seat

absolute Baby Boy

before you go inside you sprint across the lot to fling yourself into lucas’s car and beg him for a sweater since you know he leaves like 5 Big Ones in his car at all times

lucas is sort of the Big Irresponsible Brother of the group and he isn’t as close with y’all but he’ll come hang out and make terrible jokes and laugh really hard at them

and he’s very weirdly protective over you guys ?? like he’s a goofy boy but if someone looks at one of you wrong ???

he’s suddenly a Big Man On The Block and he’ll look all intimidating and scary

u know he could do it if he really wanted to

he puts up a valiant effort to ignore you since he knows it takes WEEKS for the sweater to be returned

but you pout and latch on to his arm and he sighs and shakes you off and goes uGH fine

you smile and thank him and call him lukie and he lunges for you as you yeet out of the car with sweater in hand

you squeak when you almost run face first into lucas’s friend mark’s shoulder during your Big Escape

you’ve always,,,, lowkey thought he was cute but he’s also older than you and Out Of Your League so :/

also your only connection is thru lucas and that’s a slippery slope my g

you’re still friendly though so he when he makes a surprised face you both giggle and then wave as you head to school and he opens the door to ask lucas if he’s finished their partner powerpoint

lucas has not

obviously

you vaguely know the boys in lucas’s friend group but all you really know about jisung is through chenle and you know next to nothing about jaemin other than he’s pretty

because,,,,, everyone knows that

okay so you head to first period and unfortunately you don’t have that class with any of your Buddies

you go in and take your usual seat by the window since history is a whole snooze fest and you like to watch the clouds outside

you like the teacher though so you take it every year anyways

you’re curled up in the seat since you’re still cold and your chin rests on your knees as you count how many birds are in a flock that’s circling around

and then you hear the quiet murmuring of the class raise to more of a commotion and bring your attention back to the indoors

the teacher, Mr.Choi, has just led in a new boy and

holy shit he is beautIFUL

he’s a few inches taller than you and has a somewhat athletic build

and those are nice and all but your favorite thing has got to be his smile

his whole face seems to emit sunshine when he smiles , albeit nervously

and his eyes turn up into little half moons even while he flicks a piece of dark hair out of his eyes

uwu such a CUTIE

mr.choi introduces him to the class and his name is lee jeno !!!

you’re still curled up as his eyes start to scan the room and they fall on you

his lips quirk a little in what you assume is amusement at your position and ridiculously oversized sweater

you blush and try to quickly change position to sit like a Normal Good Student

but end up banging your knee on the desk and cursing under your breath and turning even more red

he ducks his head bashfully and then makes his way to his seat which is ,,,, the one next to you

NICE ONE M8

everyone starts getting their stuff out and jeno leans over and whispers to ask if your knee is okay

such a sweet boy :(

you can barely look at him when you nod and he smiles again and you almost mELT INTO A PUDDLE

he goes back to his supplies and you both wait for the teacher to start the lesson

you try to focus you really do but your head wanders off and soon you’re daydreaming of bouncing on clouds and being able to speak to animals and other impossible things

you jump when jeno taps you on the shoulder

“hey? um the bell rang ,,,, and also i think you um missed the notes so if you want a picture of mine you can have one”

“oh my goHSH i’m so sorry i’ve really gotta stop doing that thank you so much !”

you snap a quick picture of his notes and thank him again before rushing off to your next class

about 5 steps out the door you hear jeno stumble out behind you

“wait ! you never told me your name !! ......and also i don’t know where my next class is”

your lips press together to keep from giggling so that he doesn’t think you’re making fun of him

you hold out your hand for his schedule and tell him your name

bUT he thinks you’re going for a handshake so he grasps your hand with his large and calloused one

you sQUEAK ALOUD

and he whips his hand back in fear that he’s hurt you or something

“oh um ? oh my god i’m sorry did i hurt you ???”

“no !!! i was just surprised ??!:&;&”

“that i , shook your hand ?”

“i mean i was holding it out for your schedule”

“oh . yikes”

“it’s okay though ! i shouldn’t have been surprised shaking hands is a uh normal thing isn’t it”

“yeah ,,, haha”

and then the late bell rings and you both jump

you pluck his schedule off the ground where he had previously dropped it in his haste to pull his hand from yours

you unthinkingly grab his wrist and pull him in the direction of his next class and practically push him into the classroom before rushing to your class

your math teacher is Strict and will def be getting onto you for being late :/

the rest of the day passes normally except your usual daydreams are interrupted by one Soft Boy

it’s finally fINALLY time for lunch though thank you god

you meet donghyuck and renjun at your usual spot outside

you guys pretty much sit out there every single day no matter the weather unless there’s like monsoon or smth

you squish up close to hyuck and try to get warm while you wait for chenle and apparently all of his friends that he’s bringing

soon enough, you spot him excitedly dragging a fond looking jisung followed by lucas and mark who are even fonder looking

just behind them is jaemin who is cracking a joke to none other than the New Boy

you panic.  because oh no you definitely uhh embarrassed yourself earlier ????

but it’s too late to back out now

just to be sure though you straighten up so you’re not too close to hyuck

cANT HAVE HIM THINKING YOURE NOt COMPLETELY SINGLE AND AVAILABLE

chenle and jisung plop down across from renjun and lucas swings a leg over the bench so his back faces you and then leans all his weight on you

“ouch you OAF get off of me you’re like a million pounds”

“a million pounds of pure muscle baby hell ye”

mark smacks the leg on the outside of the bench so he’ll sit normally and sits on his other side after giving you a wave

jaemin hooks his arm around jeno and proudly introduces him to the group

jeno smiles his smile , y’all know the one

and he waves

when he catches your eye though his smile somehow gets even brighter

“oh y/n ! hey !!! did you make it to second period okay ?”

“oh um yeah? i mean i was late and mrs.park gave me an extra homework assignment but it’s fine”

“oh gOD i’m so sorry do you want me to do it for you ?? i feel so bad”

“no no it’s fine i need the practice it’s okay really”

and then you both pause and realize everyone is staring at you

yikes

jeno explains how you two already met that morning and the boys seem appeased even though donghyuck eyes you slyly

he mouths that you’ll be discussing this with him later rip you

jeno ends up sitting across from you and you do your best not to stare at him but he’s in your diRECT line of sight

you have a habit of absentmindedly kicking your feet and just moving them around and you accidentally brush his shins and ankles multiple times

he waves you off everytime you apologize

the whole of lunch is spent basically merging the two groups

everyone settles into their roles pretty easily and you wonder why there are literally no other females except you

but then you realize why when lucas starts attempting to burp the abc’s and almost barfs :))))))))))

you whine and cover your eyes because like other people barfing makes yOU feel sick and then everyone is sick and that is Not Good

you push yourself as close to donghyuck and as far away from him as possible as everyone goes NO NO STOP NO

he stops when everyone starts yelling at him lmao

once he stops and you peek an eye open you smack him and huff and kick your legs out, hitting jeno’s shins once again

“jesus y/n he just got here and you’re already bruISING HIM”

“ IM SORRY ITS A BAD HABIT DJFJ”

jeno just reaches across the table and pats your forearm and tells you not to worry about it

“i play soccer you guys my shins are made of STEEL”

okay also there goes your last shred of self restraint soccer players are everyone’s weakness and you cANT TELL ME OTHERWISE

also he just ???? patted your forearm like it was nothing this boy is just asking for it isn’t he

the rest of the day passes pretty quickly and throughout the week you get back into the swing of things at school

jeno has literature with you later in the day and sits by you and giggles while you tell him about how much the teacher looks like sully from monsters ink

to be fair the guy is a gentle giant but he’s really large and rather hairy so

what did he expect

jeno seamlessly fits in with your group of friends it’s almost like he was always there

a lot of the boys sometimes forget he wasn’t n they’re like hEY remember when-

and he’s like uh no i do not lol

unfortunately jeno arrived too late to join the soccer team with mark and jaemin bUT that doesn’t stop him from joining you all in going to support them

every week the whole lot of you either attend the home game or follow the team bus to wherever the away game is

usually you have to split between 2 cars since even without mark and jaemin there’s 7 of you

and no one owns a minivan or would like to so

usually renjun and lucas drive

lucas, contrary to popular belief, is actually a really good driver as long as chenle is not in the car

the two of them are entirely too excitable to be in a confined space together

during one of the last games of the season it’s really REALLY cold

you rode with lucas and donghyuck called shotgun so you and jeno sat in the back and renjun brought chenle and jisung

on the way there your nose was running just a tad so you were sniffling every once in awhile

jeno kept offering you his gloves and hand warmers but you insisted you were fine and that this happens every year when it gets cold at soccer games

you don’t protest though when you arrive and he wordlessly removes his beanie and pulls it down over your head, making sure your ears are covered

your cheeks turn as red as the tip of your nose and now you’re not so sure you needed the extra warmth at all

he blushes a little too and quickly scurries away to the bleachers ejjdj

you stack your arms high with blankets from the trunk to sit on and wrap yourselves in

cold metal bleachers are no bueno

you wobble up the steps as chenle and jisung bound ahead of you and lucas walks behind you to make sure you don’t trip and die

he’s caring when he wants to be uwu

jeno takes some off your pile when you get to the spot he reserved for the Gang and spreads them across the seats

you distribute the rest amongst you and huddle together for warmth while you wait for the game to start

donghyuck is seen silently threatening chenle and jisung with his eyes when they move to sit on either side of you and then sending a sugary sweet smile to jeno and beckoning him to sit next to you

chenle and jisung squish together on your other side and lucas sits between renjun and chenle,,,, theyre lowkey his favorites

donghyuck pouts about sitting on the edge but is appeased when mark and jaemin come out onto the field and mark waves and blows him a kiss

boy turned redder than his hair but didn’t miss the chance to catch the air kiss and smack it onto his cheek

jeno has left a few inches of space between you as a Common Courtesy i guess but really no one would mind if he just ,,, scooched on over

as the game progresses the both of you lose the tension in your shoulders until eventually you’re pressed up against his side just as much as jisung is trying to leech warmth from your other side

everytime one of your buddies scores or assists or does literally anything you all simultaneously stand up and SCREAM

one of these times you stand up and open your mouth to scream only to sneeze violently lol

like the kind where you try to hold it back and it comes out as a squeak but the force shakes your body and you do a little jump

jeno stops cheering to place a hand on the middle of your back and stoops to meet your eyes

he asks if you’re okay through sporadic chuckles because it was kind of funny

and you nod and shove his shoulder and tell him to stop laughing >:(

you dramatically turn away from him and cross your arms and he laughs even harder

he circles his fingers around your wrist and pulls you to face him and his laughing is only renewed by the pout on your face

“aw cmon it was funny!!!”

“what if i’m DYING jeno ???”

“you aren’t though”

“how would yOU know >:(“

“it was one sneeze, sugar”

“don’t call me sugar when i’m trying to be mad”

“okay, sugar”

you smack his shoulder lightly and he bursts into laughter and swings his arm around you pulling you into his side

you blush but do your best not to stiffen and make the moment awkward

so instead you go limp and let your cheek squish against his leather jacket before he lets you go just in time for your whole group to sit down

would’ve been awkward if y’all were just embracing while everyone else was seated lmao

you spend the rest of the game trying to forget about how easily he pulled you into him and how you wouldn’t mind staying right there tucked under his arms with your sides pressed together

the both of you settle for just sitting close enough that the side of your thigh is pressed against his

when the game ends you all go out onto the field to congratulate mark and jaemin on the win !!

you hug them both even though jaemin tries to wipe his sweat on you that SHIT

he raises an eyebrow at the black beanie still tucked onto your head and right at that moment jeno reaches across your huddle of friends to tug it back down over the red tips of your ears

jaemin’s eyebrows raise even more at that and you just shrug and smile sheepishly

then everyone piles into their respective vehicles and sets off for home

it’s pretty late at night and screaming and shivering is rather energy draining

before you know it jeno has flopped over with his head in your lap and the rest of him stretched across the backseat as much as he can

you’re too sleepy and warmed up by both his actions and the car’s heating system to question it

so you just run your fingers through his hair

it’s unsurprisingly very soft and silky and he seems to enjoy your actions GREATLY

not long after you start his breaths even out and his hands come up to wrap around the part of your thigh just above your knee

he nuzzles the side of his face into your leg in his sleep and even Half Conscious Y/n is kind of shocked and blushy but continues to pet him

lucas eyes you both in the rear view mirror and smiles fondly oof

“is he cuddling your leg back there y/n?”

“yeah it’s okay though, it’s ,,,,,,,,, cute”

“isn’t it? he’s always been cuddly, almost like a cat”

you mumble a little yeah and return your attention to the sleeping boy in your lap

when you get home lucas drops you off last so as not to wake jeno too early

but eventually you gotta so you tug on his hair a little and poke his cheek but he only grips you tighter

“hey. jeno !!! kitty cat !!!!!!! wake UP !!!!!”

“you’re being too gentle he requires a Forceful Awakening”

and then lucas reaches back to pinch him hard or something but you wave your hands around and whisper shout nO

can’t hurt the bby :(

your last resort is pressing your cold hand that hadn’t been in his hair against his neck and he jolts and his eyes flick open

then his face scrunches and he shoos your hand away from him

“alright alrIGHT i’m up”

he sits up and looks absolutely fucking aDORABLE with his hair all fluffy and sticking up

his eyes are only half open and he stretches before realizing he is home and thanking you both

he pulls you into a sleepy and sort of awkward hug since the backseat isn’t Ideal for affection but you appreciate it nonetheless and pat his back

him and lucas do some sort of bro handshake and then you watch him shuffle to his front door

you climb into the front seat because opening the door and letting cold air in is the Phattest Mistake Ever

lucas smirks and you smack him before he can even say anything

“i dIdNt EvEn SaY aNyThInG”

“ and you will continue doing so”

“okay but you guys were pretty cozy back there huh?”

“what’s it to u”

“and that seems to be his beanie on your head , isn’t it?”

“wHATS IT TO U”

he shakes his head and laughs and drives you home

you thank him despite him being The Worst and hug him

you also make him swear not to tell anyone when your elbow bumped into the horn and you screamed

when you make it into your room you change into comfy clothes sluggishly and practically fall onto your bed

you cover your face with your hands and try to pretend like you aren’t smiling REALLY hard right now but you’re fooling a grand total of no one

it’s a friday night so the next morning you let yourself sleep in as much as you can stand

you make pancakes while pointedly ignoring all the texts from donghyuck when you notice the subject of all of them appears to be jeno

lucas has everyone’s numbers and makes a big group message because he just fckin loves chaos i guess

he sends a hopelessly typo filled text about there being a party that night and since he’s invited you’re ALL invited

and okay you’re no stranger to parties but like jisung and chenle are innocent babies

and you’ve got no idea what jeno is comfortable with since you all literally met him just a couple of weeks ago

you eventually respond to hyuck’s long and almost illegible texts with just “no.” and tell lucas you’ll go if only to make sure no one dies

you get called lame and a mom for that one :/

fast forward to this party

you’re wearing cute clothes but also it’s cold so like , cute sweater and jeans hehe

you’ve designated yourself and chenle as Designated Drivers

1:your anxiety wont allow you to get drunk since you’ll be unable to take care of Your Boys

2: chenle is almost unbearable sober , so

you’ve got jeno in the passenger seat and the rest of 00 line squished together in the back while chenle drives The Fossils and jisung

you pull up and the party is ,,,,,, really fucking big

there are entirely too many people here for your tastes but the boys spill out of your car with excited whoops when you FINALLY find a parking spot so

u gotta stay homie :/

you walk in behind them more sedately while chenle excitedly clings to yukhei’s back

you shout at him to watch his head just in time for him to dodge the door frame when yukhei does an excited lil jump

he smiles sheepishly at you and then shouts ONWARD MIGHTY STEED as his “steed” thunders into the crowd of people

you can already tell you’re going to have a difficult time with this since chenle is No Help Whatsoever

you’ve lost whoever was with chenle and jaemin has already flirted some poor soul into making him drinks

jeno is clinging to jaemin and looking around in nervous wonder since he knows absolutely no one here

donghyuck has challenged a Giant College Boy to beer pong and is ,,,,,, winning

renjun is cheering at the side and you decide to go join them

renjun leans over and is all so u just gonna let jaemin steal ur man like that ?????

you smack his already drunk ass (renjun sCREAMS lightweight) and tell him jeno is Not Your Man

he doesn’t have to know that you wish he was :////

so you hang out with hyuck and renjun until they’re both too annoying to stand and you go try to hunt down jaemin and jeno

to make sure jaemin isn’t pressuring jeno into anything

not that jaemin would get him into BAD things per say

he’s just a persuasive person and you don’t want jeno to get stuck in seven minutes in heaven with some random girl or too drunk to walk a straight line

if anything he should get stuck in seven minutes in heaven with you !!! >:(((((((

you find him perched on the arm of the couch in the living room with jaemin nowhere to be seen

he’s literally just smiling serenely at nothing while two younger boys (hey look it’s jisung and chenle) poke each other without tearing their eyes away from the screen

because god damn it chenle refuses to lose to a drunk jisung at mario kart

you tap him on the shoulder and he turns to look at you and his whole face just lights up ????

he smiles so big and gasps excitedly and his eyes do the scrunchy thing uwu

you’re about to playfully pinch his cheek and ask him if he’s doing okay but like

he literally snatches you by the waist and  pulls you between his legs and presses his face into the soft part of your neck where it meets your shoulder

you turn red and your heart goes baduMBADUMBADUMBADUM

he doesn’t even notice or if he does he doesn’t say anything ???

your hands fall to his shoulders and try to gently pry him off but his grip only tightens

“ouch oUCH jeno you’re crushing my organs”

he immediately loosens his grip and tilts his head back to look up at you

“ ‘m sorry, pretty”

“did you just call me pretty”

“well you are”

“i am what?”

he giggles and knocks his nose into your chin

“you’re pretty !!! silly y/n hhehsheehhe”

“oKAY you are very drunk aren’t you?”

“mmhmm :)))))))”

“alright, time to gather the Gang and head home. wait here and DO NOT MOVE okay ?”

he doesn’t acknowledge you and just rests his forehead back on your shoulder

you go to find the rest of your probably very drunk friends but jeno ,,,,, doesn’t let go

you turn around in his grip and try to push off the couch to get him to let go but he is VERY STRONG

and refuses to let go

you’re very torn because being held by jeno ???  absolute 10/10

but also you want to leave ?? and he won’t ??? let you ???? find the boys ??????

“jeno, sweetheart, you gotta let me go”

“noooooo but you’re so soft and u smell good n ur so prettyyy :(“

“god why are you so cUTE drunk?”

“ ‘m cute all the time, babe”

“and very flirty apparently”

“ i mean all of it !!!! ‘s not just because i’m drunk i promise !!!!!!”

“okay okay i believe you but you gotta let me go find our friends so we can get you home”

“i don’t wanna leave :(((( ‘m gonna miss you”

you literally have to put a hand over your heart because that’s so fucking adorable

“okay what if everyone comes over and hangs out at my house hm? i won’t be gone for long”

“okay ,,,, can i come with you though?”

“yes ???? everyone is coming to my house??”

“nO you’re so silly omg i mean to find everyone”

“yes now let go”

you go to move away and instead he just stands up still wrapped around you from behind

at this point you’ve done everything you can so you just let him be

you walk around the party and snatch up every one of your Sons Even Though A Lot Are Older And Bigger Than You and corral them out to their respective transportation

you make sure chenle knows to bring them back to your house since your parents are out of town on vacation (without u ,,, :/ )

and you get lucas to pry jeno off of you and place him in the passenger seat

even drunk and giggly he is Strong Man

you climb in the car and tell hyuck to Shut Up and jaemin to stop trying to make renjun sit in his lap

jeno reaches across and immediately latches onto the hand closest to him

you’ve decided to just accept his excessive affection for the night tbh

i mean , it’s not like u hate it or anything ,,,

but you still pretend like it’s a hassle for the sake of your dignity and jiggle your arm a little in his grip as a half hearted attempt to get him to let go

instead he lifts your hand to his mouth and kisses it and then smiles at you really wide

you turn RED and start the drive home as quickly as possible so you can Focus On The Road

when you pull in renminhyuck excitedly run towards your front door while you extract your hand from jenos and get out of the car

he follows you and tangles your fingers together as you walk to the front door

drunk renjun is even more excited than before and is like aRe YoU gUyS dAtInG nO w ??:$&;&(

jeno bounces up and down next to you and then goes

“aw can we ??? :)))) please ???”

you splutter and just drag him past the others to unlock your front door

“alright find yourself a place to sleep that is NOT my bed or my parents bed and lay down there. i will bring pillows and blankets,,,,,,, and medicine for in the morning”

after like 45 seconds of protesting that they aren’t tired renjun knocks out curled up in an armchair and jaemin and donghyuck decide to build a pile of pillows to sleep on

they look super cute all curled up together :((((((

chenle arrives not much later dragging along jisung by the hand

mark and lucas stumble in not long after giggling

mark sees hyuckie curled up with jaemin and let’s out a scandalized gasp before literally picking him up bridal style and depositing them both on the couch

donghyuck wakes up (“mark~~ i missed u”) and proceeds press himself against marks side and fall back asleep

jisung and chenle join a Cuddly Even In His Sleep jaemin and lucas climbs in your parents bed

you are entirely too tired to stop him and he’s too heavy to move so you just leave him

jeno has disappeared and you have your suspicions ,,,,

they are confirmed when you enter your room and he’s perched on the edge of your bed looking like he fell asleep sitting up

at the click of your door opening he perks up and when he sees it’s you he lifts his hands towards you and makes grabby fingers :((((((

BABY

“ i have a feeling once i do that you will not let me go so ,,,, i’m gonna change first okay? do you want to borrow some sleep clothes?”

“heheHeh yes pls love u”

you smile and shake your head before handing him a pair of your sweatpants

because honestly they’re big on you and he’s ,,,,,,

got a flat ass so he’ll fit in them

he starts to take off his jeans and you’re like nO NO WAIT TIL I LEAVE TO CHANGE DHDJKF

you snatch up a big t shirt and leggings and dash to the bathroom across the hall

you splash water on your face so that you’ll actually believe that this night really fuckinh happened oh my god

you slowly change into your pajamas and then creep back across the hall, hoping jeno fell asleep already so you won’t have to face him like this

he’s being so soft and affectionate and ngl it’s scary that when he wakes up he might not remember

or he might remember and want to pretend it never happened :((((

but nonetheless might as well enjoy what ya got while ya got it

he’s awake and sitting in the middle of your bed now, cross legged and drawing circles in with his fingers into your comforter

his head lifts and he smiles again and reaches for you , again

this time you let him and come close enough to reach him and hold out your hand

he grabs it and pulls you ,,,, on top of him

he genuinely just lays back and takes you with him so you’re laying on his chest and your legs are tangled with his

he grabs your other hand places them both on his own shoulders before dropping his arms to wrap around your rib cage

“jeno please i don’t want to crush you”

“hey you could never !!! im a big boy in strong enough >:(“

“i never said you weren’t but we cannot sleep like this”

“says who? :(“

“says me”

he rolls the two of you over so he’s now half on top of and rests his head over your heart

“how about this?”

he says it a little too smugly so you pinch his cheek before settling down to sleep

you wrap one arm around his shoulders and your other hand naturally comes down to rest on his forearm that’s laid across your waist

“jeno?”

“yeah babe?”

you pause at that to inhale deeply because good christ he is going to be the death of you

“will you,,, will you remember all this in the morning ? and like , still mean all the things you said?”

he props his chin up to look at you but you remain staring at the ceiling

“yes. i promise. i’ll even kiss you if you’ll let me.”

“oh i dont know about that”

he narrows his eyes and pinches your side for that one so you squirm in his grasp

“okay oKAY we both know i literally want nothing else”

“hell yeah i know that , see u in the morning lovebug”

“goodnight bubs”

and you both fall asleep literally seconds after

the next morning no one in your house is awake before noon

you are the first to rise and you gently get out of bed without waking jeno and tip toe to your kitchen

you quickly start making an excessive amount pancakes because they are after all, Teen Boys and their stomachs are after all, Bottomless Pits

renjun shuffles into the kitchen not long after and pours himself some orange juice before wordlessly sitting at the table behind you

you make pancake after pancake almost mindlessly, it’s weirdly relaxing ??

lucas comes in next and bangs into the door frame before serving himself 8 pancakes and eating them at a scary pace

he realizes how Damn Rude that is by his third one and looks up to thank you enthusiastically

“yeah yeah just don’t make a mess you caveman”

“yes ma’am”

“careful there yukhei she might like being called ma’am”

and would you look at that donghyuck has entered :-)))))))

you flick some pancake batter in his direction but it hits mark who is right next to him

and poor dumb baby licks it off his finger and his face crinkles in disgust and you burst out laughing

hdjdjdjdj god please mark look out for yourself more jesus

in the next 15 minutes, the chatting and the smell of breakfast brings everyone crowding into the kitchen except jeno whom is apparently still asleep in your room

everyone has served themselves and you’re cooking the last of the batter by the time jeno stumbles in and wraps himself around you to prop his chin on your shoulder

the clatter of utensils quiets down to silence as they all gape at the easy and familiar affection jeno bestows upon you as if it’s an everyday thing

your hands freeze in their movements but jeno doesn’t move

his eyes are half closed and he rests a good bit of his body weight against you

you clear your throat awkwardly and give the others an evil glare over your shoulder

chenle is the first to hurriedly return to eating and the rest join in soon

you turn your head to whisper that you’ll get his pancakes done sooner if he doesn’t lean on you too much

he backs off but still lingers and presses the ghost of a kiss to your shoulder in acknowledgement

:((((((((((((

the boys snicker when you duck your head and blush but luckily that was your last pancake so you chuck your spatula in their general direction

chenle screams and throws himself into yukhei’s lap for cover while the rest cover their heads with their arms

you snicker and jeno squeezes you one last time before letting go and sitting at the table

at this point there is Nowhere For You to sit and the boys are too busy being rowdy teens to make room for you

jeno takes your plate from you and pulls you. into his lap.

the aUDACITY OF THIS BOY

WTF

the boys luckily don’t take much notice so you eat quickly and hop up to take everyone’s plates and pile them in the sink to wash later

jeno watches you fondly as you buzz around the kitchen in between conversations with jaemin about whatever antics they got into together last night before you found him

okay time skip you’ve ushered everyone out of your home

and refused to give a ride to anyone since you had to deal with their Drunk Foolery all last night

instead of hugging each of them there is a giant group hug that honestly hurts more than it helps

but chenle was involved so, what did u expect

jeno stays behind

it’s honestly so god damn domestic how he leans against the door frame and waits for you while you wave on the front porch to all the Babies

you come back inside and close the door and jeno is ᵗʰᶦˢ far away from your face

“hi”

“hello~”

“did you need something?”

“yep!”

“and what would it be, i wonder?”

“oh nothing too extravagant”

“spit it out wonder boy”

“okay so you know how you said you would let me kiss you last night?”

“i vaguely recall,,”

“okay well i’m cashing that in”

“right now ??”

“right now”

“did you even brush your teeth today?”

“yes, because i knew you would say that”

“damn.”

then he chortles and lifts his palms to cup your face

he leans in even closer so that your breaths mingle and his nose nudges against yours

then he abruptly pulls away and like ?? wtf dude ?????????

“okay but first things first: be my girlfriend”

“is that the best u can do”

“no but my best would take longer and i wanna kiss you RIGHT NOW”

“well jeez you make a hard bargain”

“. oh my GOD”

“JSKDJ IM SORRY ILL BE UR GIRLFRIEND”

“THANK JESUS”

and then he kisses u.

HARD

IM SCREANSKNSH !!!!!!!

he uses his hands to tilt your head back so he can get the perfect angle and he smiles against your lips when you start panting for air

you lean away and he chases after you, not wanting to be apart for a second

he captures them again and kisses you so softly you could CRY

I AM CRYING !

then he pulls away and presses a lingering kiss on the part of your forehead just between your eyebrows and you go a little cross eyed trying to keep an eye on him

his eyes are still closed when he parts from you and his smile is Big and Beautiful fuck

then you launch yourself at him and cover him in little pecks n kisses and he squeaks because he’s a soft shit

to escape Your Affection he pulls you close and buries his head in your shoulder 

you wrap your arms around him and stand on your tip toes for it to be more comfortable for you both

but jeno has no plans of letting you go anytime soon so when your calves fatigue and you fall flat footed jeno pulls away and drags you to the couch

he declares this your First Date and puts on ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, marley and me

wtf jeno ? u tryna have a Sob Fest????

and it really does end in crying for both of you lmao

it’s pitiful

afterwards you watch that weird rip off of the smurfs called the snorks where it’s exactly the same except they’re underwater to get out of your Sad and Depressing mood

jeno eventually leaves because his mom has texted him 2738484 times to get his ass home

you walk him to the door and he kisses you goodbye in the Softest Fashion You’ve Ever Experienced and then waves at you over his shoulder on the way to his mother’s car

rip she had to pick him up since he didn’t drive there

as he walks away you’re almost uh Mad at how good he looks in your sweatpants

he notices your stare and opens his mouth to offer them back but you wave him off

“keep em, babe. they look better on you anyways”

and this , this BOY

winks, sLaps hIS OWN aSs ? and says

“i know they do ;)))))”

SJDKDK

the other boys each individually text you some variation of

“sO ??&: U AND JENO ?!?!:!;!&,&:”

and you reply to them all with

“yep.”

and Refuse to answer further questions

you and jeno fall into affection and dating so easily it’s as if you’ve been in a relationship all along

jeno is naturally very affectionate with just his friends so with you it’s tenfold

he literally can’t go more than 2 days without being able to see you

in person

and preferably kissing you

if he doesn’t see you for awhile he will sneak into your room and curl himself around your back

the first time he did it you were already in bed when the window opened and you thought he was a MURDERER and threw a book at him

once you had both calmed down he tackled you and pressed you into the sheets until you were out of breath from cackling and squealing

jeno loves you , so much

he loves you with everything he’s got and it’s honestly so endearing to you that he’s so attached

especially since you are just as attached i mean look at him

he calls you lovebug or sweetheart or any other slightly cringey nickname he can think of but he always uses your name when he tells you he loves you

he wants to you to know that he MEANS it and he FEELS it with every fiber of his body

and honestly what more could you ask for ?

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S20 (Pt. 3)

I wonder if going after Karin’s Tsukuyomi bulb was happenstance or whether Tobirama went “I smell an Uzumaki” and had at it

“Just be quiet for a bit” How dare you speak to your father this way Sasuke, Kakashi does nothing but love you

“EVERYONE WILL OWN A DOG. GO GET A DOG, HOKAGE’S DECREE!“ you’ve got my vote, Kiba

Mirai as a baby is an absolute unit and I love it

Shikamaru, getting down on one knee in front of Temari: Will you not marry me?

You know what. All these dreams are extremely realistic. I buy it. A teenage boy would totally dream about kicking his friends’ asses for fun even if he had the opportunity to do anything in the world. 10/10 believability 

Sai dreams about being told he has a nice smile and being twirled around by Naruto my boooooy 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“[My Sasori transformer] will be the guardian deity of the Sand” Kankuro pls

Omg Temari’s dream is so cute she wants her little brothers to need her

God the fact Gaara’s dream is about having a happy childhood PICK UP THE PHONE RASA I JUST NEED TO TALK

“Madara, don’t you dare talk about the Uchiha. The only one who has that right, is my big brother.” But he did... murder them, Sasuke. That is a thing that happened. My dear. My dude. He done did it.  

Having read Itachi Shinden none of this should be shocking but FUGAKU REALLY YOUR SON IS FOUR WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

“Listen Itachi, never forget this sight” well he sure won’t now that you’ve given him CHILD PTSD FUGAKU

“We finally have peace, and we must do our best to maintain it” Hmmm.... must you, Fugaku? Is that a thing you must do?

“What is life, anyway?” Damn my existential dread didn’t kick in at least until I was in school, Itachi

Sasuke was such a weird-looking newborn I love him

I wonder how the English dub will deal with the mild implications of inc/est between Itachi and Izumi

Please Mikoto your son is like 6 why are you having him babysit

God I am so used to every version of Itachi having the voice of a grownass man that hearing a child-like voice even when he is 6 is almost off-putting lmao

Full offence Obito but why do you have to be such a little bitch

“Oh good, I knew that you’d be alright” HE’S 6 FUGAKU

Why is Naruto just sitting in a basket on top of his father’s grave??? Who let you do this? Hiruzen what is wrong with you??

“I’m glad that you didn’t die” an accurate representation of Itachi’s social skills at all ages

DFhsdjfhkdsjhfk I love that Itachi has accidentally become these kids’ leader 

AHHHHH I guess that’s Hana next to Itachi I wanna see the cat ninja and dog ninja fight 

“If the fighting can be stopped, I’d like to stop it” Shisui <3 

Itachi’s sweet tooth is so goddamn cute ahhhh what a little nerd

Hhgfkhjfhl SASUKE’S PAW ENCYCLOPEDIA THE PREQUEL THIS IS WHAT I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED

“I mean, [ladies] are clueless” “How dare you insult my woman” Turns out the alcohol this cat was drinking was Respect Women Juice

God I love Minazuki-sensei he’s such a mess

“No they blew away in the wind” guess Itachi hasn’t picked up his snitching tendencies yet lmao

Baby Sasuke has acquired a younger voice too I guess. It is real late in the game to be establishing these lmao

Obito. I’m. Stop???? Please. Is this how Kakashi felt during the war

God I love Shisui the tiny ninja detective they really have left off some of the cooler aspects of being a shinobi in all the wild and flashy jutsu like during the Land of Waves arc when Kakashi kept noticing relatively mundane clues

“Shisui picked up on how I felt right from the beginning” welcome to empathy Itachi

“I’ll hand this intel over to Lord Hokage, and he will deliver a just and fair judgment” I like this ANBU vs. ROOT dichotomy but bold of you to assume Hiruzen won’t ultimately let Danzo do whatever he wants lol

Damn what the shit how does Shisui know who the foundation already isn’t he like 12 

The animation of this arc is nice but also so weird they really did make Itachi and Shisui’s eyes like half of their face

These wholeass adults getting between by two prepubescents lmao 

“A teleportation jutsu has no mass” wait WHAT I have so many questions Shisui what does that MEAN 

“I want to you to think of me as your older brother” HELL YEAH HE DOES

Ffgdfkghkjh what an abrupt voice change between age 8 and 11 Itachi

How many times have they animated these same goddamn Itachi scenes 

Holy shit it’s like they tried to tell the story of the Itachi Shinden novels and then got bored halfway through gfkhgfkhgkjh

“I’m exhaAAAUsted from my mission” Itachi pls why say it like that

“You have the Mangekyo as well?” Fugaku had a friend???? Unrealistic. Blocked

THEY KIDNAPPED NARUTO??? I DON’T REMEMBER THIS IN ITACHI SHINDEN

Genjutsu but I don’t remember that either ?!?!?! Doesn’t Fugaku spend all of Itachi Shinden being emotionally distant and sending Itachi mixed moral messages

Who is the Fugaku hater on this storyboard staff lmao I’m crying

I have a lot of thoughts about this art direction honestly why is everything in the shadows why are the character models so weird why is Itachi suddenly outside in the lightning for his murder discussion meeting instead of inside the council room if you had to shout over lightning people could hear you 

“I challenge you to the high jump” “You’re no match for me” Sasuke you’re the most obnoxious seven-year-old in the world I love it

“There’s something that I’d like you to help me with” a very casual opener when you’re proposing the murder of your entire clan but okay

They really leaned into the horror movie aesthetic huh fair enough 

I have some objections to register about Izumi’s death like both options are weird but at least in Itachi Shinden she wasn’t humiliated by Obito begging for Itachi to save her she had a degree of awareness and it was an impactful if strange scene

FUCK THE TOBI VOICE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT I’M WHEEZING

Cute new ED but also the idea of Tobirama giving anyone a fistbump amuses me immensely 

“Who would’ve thought that that scuzzy bearded jerk would’ve been able to use a taijutsu like that” RUDE but also ‘scuzzy’ jhfjghkjhfgj

Omg that’s so funny they literally gave the former owner of Zabuza’s blade the same voice

This doesn’t make any fucking sense how could Juzo have the executioner’s blade when Zabuza would be like 21 when Itachi was 13 oh my god 

“The Hidden Mist doesn’t keep any prisoners” unsurprising but interesting

Is this meant to imply that Juzo is killed and then Zabuza immediately finds the sword and starts a coup because that’s hilarious

Wait how does them fighting the Mizukage make any sense isn’t Yagura under Obito’s control lmao who wrote this

Did Itachi just.... accidentally cripple the Mizukage omg [Zabuza screams in the distance]

Hahahaha I know it’s supposed to be evil but it’s really funny that Kakuzu killed his partner for being too slow

“I wouldn’t know how to cater to your moods” kjfhgkdhfgjh Kakuzu just got wrecked by a thirteen-year-old LMAO 

“I’m not sure what to do with you... whether to kill you right now or find a way to use you” KILL OROCHIMARU, ITACHI, IT’S GONNA SAVE YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE 

Why the hell would Kabuto be hanging out near the Akatsuki anyway isn’t he in a long term infiltration of the Leaf Village lmao or can Orochimaru summon him like a snake

On what basis does Pain decide these partnerships did Kisame and Sasori take a babysitting course or smth

The cutaway without the “This... is art” scene is almost funnier because it implies Itachi just had to flash his eyes at Deidara and Deidara was like, “HELLO AKATSUKI I AM HERE”

“I wouldn’t mind giving you a taste of my art” [insert ninja sex joke about Deidara’s mouth hands here]

Deidara really should not be old enough to be here by this point in the narrative but this entire arc has been wacky timeline wise

Man it must be fucked up to fight a puppet version of your own corpse

“What I really wanted... was to get a hold of Itachi’s body” you are the definition of stranger danger Orochimaru

From what I remember the video games had Kakuzu and Orochimaru approaching Hidan and not Konan and Itachi but I’m game for any Orochimaru erasure lmao

 I’m pretty sure all of that blood was Hidan’s?? World-building whomst

“He licked Kakuzu’s blood” did he though?? Show me his wound Itachi

OMG they’re really heavy-handed with Leaf!Itachi as if we did not just watch a bunch of episodes of Itachi caring about his village like honestly look at this:

Kisame: So even you have feelings for your birthplace, is that it?

Itachi: No. Not at all. [Sasuke, I hope that you’re safe.] 

(Me too Itachi 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

“It’s been a long time... Saaasuke” could you say his name a little less weirdly please Itachi

You really can’t get mad at Kakashi for teaching Sasuke chidori Itachi like maybe if you would murder less people Kakashi would feel a little less overprotective

God was the only point of animating and voicing these scenes again so that Itachi could mentally apologize every twelve seconds? You know what fair enough, anxiety and depression be like that sometimes

“You still have people who’ll protect you” Oh plot twist Itachi was actually writing a “Nice” list instead of a “Naughty” list and Kakashi, Jiraiya and Naruto are all on it

Oh yeah I kind of forgot that this was all supposed to be like a 5 minute span for Sasuke’s flashback of Itachi’s entire life lmao

You know.... it’s real unclear to me how Obito wakes up from his trance lmao he may not be in a cocoon but he’s certainly exposed to the light

“Be careful. We’re surrounded on all sides by four of his shadows” “Yeah I know that” Yeah, Naruto knows it, but Sasuke’s warning where the Shadow Madaras are entirely for Kakashi and Sakura’s benefit BC HE WORRIES MY BABY BOYYYY

“This chakra is even way stronger than Ten-Tails” I really heard “Tenten” there and I was like, wait what did I miss with Tenten kfhkjhgkjhg

OH GOOD ANOTHER UCHIHA FLESH MOUNTAIN JUST WHAT WE NEEDED

“They’re turned into White Zetsu” I hate this nonsensical bit of world-building it made more sense and felt less weird when they were Hashirama clones like what the fuck

Oh I can’t believe this is making me feel almost bad for Madara did Zetsu really edit the Uchiha Stone Tablet’s Tsukuyomi section to say “Peace Plans” ain’t that how like the CIA entraps people 

“Hashirama... where did I go wrong” We’d need a lot more time than you have to unpack that Madara

“Countless nights passed” I mean. Was it countless nights. Because I think it was. A couple hours. This war arc spans like two days. I have spent more human hours on this arc than they’ve spent ninja hours in this war

“I can’t believe such a person existed” neither can I Sasuke it’s almost like she was invented specifically for this arc

For real Obito no offence but like why aren’t you dead it just doesn’t make much sense khkjfdhkjhgkjh

Hmmm not 2 be that gal but Kaguya’s voice is v pleasant on the ears 

“Sorry to be so rough with you, Obito” Kakashi. You loving, kind, dumb bitch. He stabbed you THREE TIMES in the past two days you really owe him like -1000 apologies

“This is also one of those times where your body just moves on its own” SASUKE CALLED OUT FOR LOVING HIS COMRADES

“I’ve got to get to Naruto” I love your dedication Minato but I feel as though the loss of both of your arms makes helping more difficult

Kakashi is not NEARLY as surprised about this levitation thing as he should be. I think as this point he’s just like. ‘This might as well happen’

All other things aside Kaguya’s really fun to look at damn

Okay okay okay not to look for too much logic in this ninja show but don’t both Naruto and Sasuke have Six Paths chakra why can only Naruto float is a metaphor for Sasuke’s fall from grace

“I am Kaguya’s child” I can only imagine a Game of Thrones-eque shadow flying out the hooha situation

“Just before the seal took hold, she gave birth to me, in order that she could be restored” I can only assume Kaguya fucked Bitterness and Regret and you know.... fair enough

I gotta tell you Zetsu being the primary narrator of this arc is jarring

Tenji seems kinda nice it’s a shame something terrible will probably happen to him

Say what you will about SP’s animation inconsistencies they can animate some beautiful-ass skies

“Is there anything that you desire” Get u a man like Tenji

Fellas is it gay to sit under the stars with your handmaiden who adores you in comfortable silence

“Even now you’re not scared. That just makes me like you more” take a shot every time a man is Like That (bah dum tss) 

“Do Not Touch Me,” wow Kaguya mood

I will clarify I said that BEFORE she exploded the men gkhkjfhgkhh

Tenji, that Aino lady is your subordinate are you really gonna leave her with the creepy That man u are not the man I thought you were

“Just tell him, and I’m sure that Lord Tenji will forgive you” to be fair Aino you could’ve elaborated u were just like ‘yup she killed them’ and left it at that

WOW I RESCIND ALL COMPLIMENTS TO TENJI CALM DOWN DUDE

When life gives u lemons use people as fertilizer for ur infinite lemon tree I guess

Are you telling me 1) Gamamaru has existed since the DAWN OF CHAKRA and 2) He knew all about this Tsukuyomi shit just like. Kept it on the DL. WHAT KINDA WORLD-BUILDING

Okay but for real did the Otsutsuki clan stem like.... all the clans, because there’s the Kaguya clan (through Hamura I guess?), and the Hyuga clan definitely through Hamura, and then the Senju, Uchiha, and Uzumaki through Hagoromo like just how many people did your kids sleep with and for that matter how long ago was this

“A real talking toad! Think people would like it if we caught it and took it home?” Why are Hagoromo and Hamura the cutest things in the world this is the sibling content we deserve

“You’re just a snake oil salesman, and not a very good one” oh I think I love Hamura oh no I would love a character who gets stuck on the moon 

Take a shot every time a woman exists to die and make a man sad 

“She fell in love with the ruler of this land and in time she became pregnant with the two of you” notice that at no point does Gamamaru say they got married can u believe Kaguya invented premarital sex

You know none of this goes against mine and Sloane’s Kagumo theory

“How can you see so far into a toad’s heart that clearly” Gamamaru and Hagoromo’s interactions are killing me

How much time has passed for Hamura’s hair to grow that long

Hamura @ Kaguya: BROTHERS BEFORE MOTHERS

HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED FOR HAGOROMO TO DEVELOP THIS BROW RIDGE SAGE LAND TAKES A TOLL 

Tenji doesn’t even appear in this flashback about love and betrayal it’s just Kaguya being bitter bc her gal Aino died they were in lesbians together

Every so often I’m reminded that Kishimoto has a twin brother and I wonder what he thinks about making the twins fight

“You enabled me to awaken the mangekyo sharingan and rinnegan” how do u even have words for those things. Didn’t they just happen right this moment

Wow this is all very Little Shop of Horrors, Momma feeds the tree with people juice and in turn it wants to protect her from harm

“I split the Ten Tails into nine souls” SOULS? HAGOROMO CAN... JUST MAKE SOULS. COULD HE POINT AT GAMAMARU AND SAY “YOU ARE TWO FROGS NOW” AND THAT’D JUST BE TRUE?

“We won’t be that far apart,” said Hagoromo, just as his brother was about to teleport to the moon

Side note: Maybe ur crops were failing bc without the moon the tides are all out of whack and you know, the moon was apparently just invented right now

“Time passed, and so did Hagoromo” I love this particular literary device

“Time after time I’d approach the reincarnates of Indra and Ashura” okay so we’re supposed to be down for not only regular reincarnation in Naruto but Indra and Ashura ONLY BEING BORN TO THE SENJU AND UCHIHA CLANS REPEATEDLY WHAT WHO WROTE THIS

Does this mean that people Naruto and Sasuke every 50 years????You’d think the Land of Fire would just. Get used to it

“Just with that alone, a thousands years passed” well at least we have some idea of how much time it’s been since Kaguya era lmao 

Ur telling me that this horseshit happened bc Tobirama doesn’t know to leave dead bodies well enough alone

SHHHHH I PREFER THE ZETSU BEING WEIRD HASHIRAMA CLONES

This montage of Zetsu taking credit for everything Madara and Obito did is not appreciated lmao take some responsibility for your actions!!!!

I’m gonna keep harping on this for the rest of the war honestly like where is the ACCOUNTABILITY

“So your teen rebellion continues” LMAO UR NOT WRONG

“I know that this could be our last hurrah, but we gotta give it our best shot” not much of a plan Naruto sweetheart but fair

Tag urself I’m Kakashi’s look of despair at his hormonal students

“And Sasuke? Sorry that my sexy jutsu didn’t work” I was not prepared for the sincerity with which that line was delivered

The Sad Old Man™ energy radiating off Obito is... Immense 

“We’re all ready to die” R U THINKING OF RIN BC SHE WAS READY TO DIE OR BC UR READY TO SEE HER EITHER WAY IT’S SAD KAKASHI

“I want to thank you for helping me out. And for helping Sasuke” “No, there’s no need to thank me” this is the first time Obito has been right about something since the age of 13

“I’m not going to waste time on speeches,” said Obito, in the middle of a dramatic speech 

Minato..... how did you chop the branch.... with no hands to pick up a kunai???????? What kind of yoga contortion was involved

What I imagine the subtext of this scene to be:

Hagoromo: New old son!!!! I am dad now

Hashirama, whose dad was Butsuma: [choking back tears] Okay

Tobirama: I also hate our father

They’re all taking to this “demi-god pops out of the bottom half of dead ex-comrade” thing pretty well but to be fair they’ve had a complicated day

[wannawrite]

not my type

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸 type: bullet point

blog navigator.

University! AU 

you don’t date younger guys

but you just might ;)

thanks for requesting! this was quite difficult to write since I am a child still lol. Do note that Seongwoo is 20 in this work of fiction. ⁃ admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

so,,,your love life 

not that exciting 

in fact, it is facing a drought at the moment 

reality is harsh huh? 

or maybe it is because of your high standards 

1. No younger guys 

2. Must be a nice person 

3. Someone I could foresee marrying 

but none of your blind dates left you impressed

and then there’s this kid from the music block called Ong Seongwoo 

he’s just one of the guys trying to worm his way into your ‘possible boyfriend’ list 

scarily enough, his tactics were working

~

we gon throw this waayyy back when y’all met 

frat parties were never your thing

in fact, f*ck linda and this stupid party, I just want to go home and sleep 

you love your roommate and all but you couldn’t help but curse her out 

after all, she had dragged you to this party thrown by one of the music department frat guys 

and left you stranded 

in a hallway with at least 3 couples passionately making out 

tonight was not your night at all 

you hated the loud, shitty music and the smell of sweat and liquor 

appalling 

but linda was your ride here and there was a slim chance of hailing a cab right now 

you had no choice but to suck it up and rough it out 

Another issue

you needed to finish that essay on sustainable fashion before the 6am deadline 

shit 

gr8 job prof 

all-nighter? 

borrow a laptop from someone and do it now? 

what the hell 

which person would bring a laptop to a frat party? 

unless you can break into one of their rooms and take one??1?1?11

you almost slap yourself at the idea

dumb worried bitch energy 

sis is out of ideas and just wants to graduate be a little empathetic, folks 

you want to sit down on the floor and sink into a puddle of goo 

oh no 

there’s no way you are going to maintain this 3.9 GPA lmaoo

you move to wrestle Linda away from one of the frat guys 

but hollers and cheers stop you

a group of guys block your path as they welcome yet another friend 

but get this! the newcomer has a laptop case in his hands!! 

he appears to have just come from a lecture or meeting 

bUT HE HAS A LAPTOP YAYAYAYAYA

now, all you had to do was to stalk him, suck up to him and steal borrow the device 

sucking up to one of these frat boys was easy 

their brains had been bruised with bud lights so they weren’t the brightest of the bunch 

before you know it, he’s whisked away by his friends and dissolved into the crowd 

crap 

you really, genuinely, wholly, need this laptop 

They would help a fellow college student in need, right?

left with no choice, you elbow your way through  

I suppose your efforts pay off 

bc you catch him as he’s headed upstairs 

barely 

“hey!” you yell over the noise. “I-I...” 

the mystery guy only stares, quizzically 

suddenly, you’ve lost all ability to form coherent sentences 

this is embarrassing!

hE JUST LOOKING 

sis gotta calm down 

remember the real reason: laptop

“c-can i borrow your laptop real quick? I have a d-deadline tonight” 

mystery boy says nothing 

...

“What’s it in for me? If i lend you my laptop?”

he tries to remain serious but the corners of his mouth are tugging up

sneaky

desperation is pretty much flooding your body 

you wld say f*ck it but you can’t 

“I’ll owe you a favour!” you blurt out thoughtlessly. 

*crickets chirping* 

hope is slowly beginning to fade and your brain is coming up with extension excuses 

just crumbs,,,anything

Orbits gg thru with the drought

when he goes 

“okay”

JESUS THANK YOU 

he beckons for you to follow him 

oh?😏😉

“I know a better work environment than here.” 

oh. 

“What’s your name? I’m y/n, it’s my third year.” 

“Woah, third year? my name’s ong seongwoo. I just got here.” 

huh, freshman 

seongwoo doesn’t say much after

he leads you to a common study area in the enormous fraternity house 

you turn away as he sets up the laptop and everything bc privacy!!!

but the number of brain cells you have left won’t allow you to remember his login details anyway 

“thanks,” you murmur bashfully 

well, this is an expected and rather awkward situation 

seongwoo plants himself in the chair a few seats away from yours 

he pulls out study materials from his backpack 

??? hello? sis, u shld be enjoying the party downstairs ???

you try to shift your fullest attention on your project 

but!! his presence alone is so loud prominent, it’s giving you a hard time keeping your eyes off😔🤧

anyway u manage to suck it up and finish paper and submit it just in time! 

a miracle 

maybe he is your angel ;)

you turn to face him and,,,seongwoo has fallen asleep!! on his books!! 

his hair is slightly tousled and his glasses rest askew on his face 

papers flap in his face but he’s too gone to care 

the poor child is tired 

💓💖💕soft hours💕💖💓: open

gently, you tap his shoulder 

“seongwoo? hey, um, your laptop,” 

he only stirs the 2nd time you call him

Cute

groggily, he covers his face and speaks into his hands 

he mumbles something about ‘dealing with it later’

you figure it would be best if you left him alone to nap 

suddenly, seongwoo grabs your arm 

at least, he reaches for it

“I need your number to claim that favour.” 

my number ????

for half a second, your heart does pitter patters 

he’s only being objective though...

and it was you who suggested it in the first place 

sighing, you punch your number into his phone 

“okay, but use it wisely and...try not to...call or text so much...”

that sounds rlly mean >:( 

“yeah i’ll keep that in mind.” 

there’s an underlying layer of...cheekiness? in seongwoo’s tone 

your brain jumps to the first conclusion it can think of 

“I don’t date younger guys, Seongwoo,” 

rEGRET FILLS YOUR ENTIRE BEING IMMEDIATELY AFTER 

now, Seongwoo looks up and beams broadly 

“Bold of you to assume I’m interested,” he taunts playfully 

red sinks into your face and you defend yourself in splutters 

“I’m not interested in general! I’m prioritising my studies and everything else! It was just to make sure you know where we stand-“ 

futile, really 

“relax,” he replies. “Just saying, I could change your mind.” 

Cocky 

but true lol

an amused scoff leave your lips and your arms go akimbo

“I’d like to see you try, freshman.” 

~

*back to the present* 

You: really, Seongwoo. I don’t see why you can’t drop by the printing station yourself 

Seongwoo: you are seated RIGHT NEXT to it. Just fold the papers into aeroplanes and fly them over 

You: a 15-page research paper ?? That clearly says ‘do not bend’ 

Seongwoo: ignore it. Throw it over 

you never predicted this was where life would take you 

here you were, sat in the library, the table by the printing room 

and Seongwoo was seated a few tables away, texting you to collect his freshly printed document

just because 

You: Oh my god shut up you’ll get points deducted if your paper is the least bit crumpled 

You: i’ll just bring it over 

so,,,you did 

you brought seongwoo’s papers over to his table 

he had been watching from afar, lips pulled into a dumb smile

“thank you, senior.” 

boy had the audacity to say that in front of your salad 

just to tease him, you reply: 

“yeah, senior, just how I like my future boyfriend.” 

with that remark, the smile slips off seongwoo’s face and his jaw clenches

but he tries to play it off all cool😎🤧

you shoot the sweetest smile you can muster before skipping back to your table 

*beep beep*

I nearly put vibrate -

Seongwoo: that doesn’t count as using my favour card! 

your head shakes, but your mouth smiles 

it was no secret that seongwoo had a small! crush on you 

even if it was, everyone knew 

his whole frat and most of his seniors 

your friends and roommates 

the whole bloody campus 

this relationship started out with seongwoo following you on ig

then occasionally dropping a text and wishing you well 

he also hyped up all your pics 

and said hi whenever you bumped into each other 

it escalated to meeting up for brunch or a movie 

just...as friends, casually 

but you enjoyed his company and goofing around much more than some blind dates 

now, texting him was a regular 

going out was common 

and you haven’t even counted the number of times you guys met at social events 

sometimes, he made you feel so✨ special, precious, wanted by doing the smallest things 

like a tea on your table 

or going the extra mile to cheer you up 

most of the time at the expense of his handsome face 

he was always,,,there

you did find out about his feelings, though he never addressed them fully

it was fun!! to press his buttons as a friend 

“yeah idk abt dating someone younger. Wbu?” 

“Hmm. Senior year makes everyone 10x hotter.” 

thOSE WERE JOKES 

BANTER, PEOPLE, BANTER 

but...you weren’t certain if that would turn into something more 

you know, you hadn’t given dating someone younger a thought 

it never crossed your mind 

maybe it was a subconscious deal breaker 

you were always quick to bring age into making deals 

old broken deals could be made new 

the concept was incredibly foreign 

my boyfriend? younger? 

Personally, you could never see that happen 

b-but seongwoo made you sO DAMN HAPPY ALL THE TIME 

there was sunshine in his smiles

and starlight in his eyes 

ᵕ꒳ᵕ

uGh fEELINGS 

but is this attraction? 

Eventually, after many sleepless nights, up thinking about this, you made up your mind

If he made a move first, 

bc ur scared 

you would be hella open to dating him 

f*ck that ‘older people only’ rule 

(⁄˘⁄ ⁄ ω⁄ ⁄ ˘⁄)♡

[3.06am] seongwoo leaves a voicemail. He says, “hey, will you go on a date with me? I like you.”

[3.14am] seongwoo leaves another voicemail. “I’ll use my favour card if I have to. Just give me a chance.” 

anD HOLY F*CK YOU DON’T knOW HOW TO ACT AFTER HEARING THOSE 

RIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP 

yOur heaRT IS FLUTTERING AND YOU CAN FEEL THE BLUSH COMING 

UGH SWEETHEART YOU GOT IT BAD 

so u jump on this bandwagon and call him asap 

it goes straight to voicemail but you don’t leave one 

hehe

you know,,,to build suspense 

all day long, that’s all you can think about 

SeoNGWOO LIKES ME?

~

[8.17am] seongwoo wakes up to a silent voicemail from you 

he doesn’t know what to think of it 

he dials your number with shaking hands and before you can utter a word, he rushes, “meet me at xxx cafe at 11am” 

then hangs up 

Tumblr: 101 cafe date outfit ideas

Seongwoo arrives early and orders a drink while waiting 

he also picks out a window booth to sit at 

his nerves could eat him alive if they teamed up 

what would you say to him? 

how badly did you react to his 3am confession 

getting mildly intoxicated on Daniel’s stash was a horrible idea

he spilt all his secret uwus

the bell chimes 

and all his attention is focused on you 

your eyes land on him 

a smile graces your face as you walk over 

“I like you too.” 

“Damn, you better not be messing with me right now,” seongwoo nervously chuckles. “I know I sent you th-“ 

“Oh my god! I like you!” 

For a moment, his smart mouth runs dry, surprised 

“Oh wow, what happened to your older guys only rule?”

You smack his chest in mock annoyance

“Rules are made to be broken! Let’s not talk about that.” You turn various shades of red 

Grinning like the Chesire cat, Seongwoo teases, “And that’s the beauty of it.” 

[taeclipse]

The wedding date, or; how to avoid the singles’ table

⚜  “I want- I needyoutobemyfakeboyfriend!”; “I have to admit, this isn't the brightest idea you’ve ever had. Normally, when you don't stand someone, they’re the last person you’d invite for this.” aka asking your coworker to a family’s wedding.

⚜ Chanyeol x reader ; office!au, friennemies, a tad bit of High school!au

⚜ 10,7k *sigh* did I just? yes, I just wrote my longest fic ever about this

⚜ Children, never sleep on your drafts for 6 months bc it’s hell :) I hope you enjoy reading~

The pile of work standing on your desk earns a groan from you, your head pounding from the long evening waiting for you.

Your eyes switch from the article you’ve been trying to get done, to the clock that marks exactly half an hour since the irritating disturbance had started. And from a scale of one to ten of how murderous your thoughts are, you’re pretty sure you’re hovering above an unhealthy fourteen.

You often wonder how strangely things work out in life, astonished by how the universe likes to carefully craft satirical situations to shake up the insignificant human existence. However, you’re not exactly as amused -heck, you’re even sure the deities love messing with you, trapping you in a tiny work space with your one and only rival from high school.

Park Chanyeol, always the charmer and still undoubtedly just as obnoxious as you remember him, just had to end up in the cubicle right across from yours. And although you’ve had a much-appreciated break from his gracing company during college, you’re still astounded at the cruelty of fate to pair you up with him.

Honestly, it could've been Kim Jongin; the sweetheart working a couple of cubicles away from you, who always remembers to flash you the nicest of smiles and brings you coffee in between his breaks. Or better yet, it could’ve been your best friend from college, Kyungsoo, working in a different department under Minseok’s supervision (he might look softer and somewhat a pushover, but he's just as strict as Junmyeon, Kyungsoo assures you) and who never fails to cheer you up during your lunch breaks.

But no, it just had to be tall, loud Chanyeol with his never-ending distractions and teasing comments. And by now, you’re certainly convinced that it’s more than just a little bad luck, often wondering what kind of bad deed you’ve exactly done in your past life to deserve a fate as vexatious as yours.

Loudly banging your head against the endless papers littering your desk, the most unflattering groan slipping past your lips, you finally come to the conclusion that it’s simply impossible to get even the minimal amount of work done in such an atmosphere. Your ears already feel like they’re bleeding through your earphones, a futile attempt to block out the noise.

Unwanted disturbance hardly counts as something new in Chanyeol’s dictionary, much less disturbance from his female company. But this wasn't the usual high-pitched giggles and wet exchanges of saliva that normally kept you from your work. You didn't dare raise your head to peak at his side, but it all -literally- screamed trouble. The argument didn't look like it was coming to an end; and you were convinced that, whoever the girl was, she was either going to commit murder or collapse into tears.

You never would have expected yourself to have such a thought, and you’d definitely deny it if anyone ever asked, but hearing Chanyeol flirting started to sound miles better than to witness him arguing with who you could only assume to be his girlfriend.

Throwing all caution to the wind, you abruptly shoot up from your chair, the latter screeching against the floor but you can't really bring yourself to care. A couple of footsteps are all you need to reach Chanyeol’s desk, arms tightly crossed in front of your chest, and an angry glare already forming at the sight.

It wasn't far from what you had in mind, truly.

A face is finally addressed to the voice that’s been halting your work for the past half hour. Your eyes take a closer look at her, trailing from her prettily styled hair to her beautiful features that have fallen into a dejected expression. The girl is pleadingly clutching onto Chanyeol’s hand, and you don't think you've ever seen him look so uncomfortable.

“Channie, please,”

Angers boils within you, and -for the love of god- you don't even know what to say, but you barge in nonetheless.

“Chanyeol!”

A pair of startled eyes fall on your angry form, standing nothing but a few steps away with crossed arms that leave no room for guessing your mood. Almost expectedly, the pleading hand clutching into Chanyeol’s stiff one lets go instantly.

What was not expect, however, was for the towering male to stride towards you, his arms wrapping tightly around you and hugging you close.

And you much less expected to hear the following words tumble out of his mouth.

“Baby, I’ve missed you so much.”

His embrace had successfully cut off your oxygen supply, his words delivering the final blow that had you in a loss of words. You don’t even register how wide your eyes go, or how you’re holding your breath prisoner in your lungs, until his hand warmly strokes your back and you’re suddenly brought back into reality with a deflated exhale.

You hate - even absolutely despise how your arms are still limply resting on each side, not making a move to push him even as the heavy effect of the first shock fades away. In the many years of knowing Chanyeol, you have never once come close to hugging him, and you can’t exactly claim that you dislike it when his height is allowing your head to rest comfortably against his chest, and his warmth is slowly enveloping you.

You mentally slap yourself at the very thought, your arms finally coming out of shock and pushing against his chest. “C-Chanyeol!” Your words come out less angry and more unsure this time, flustered nonetheless.

In the most casual manner ever, Chanyeol clears his throat and unwinds his arms from you, turning around to face the girl that was still right there -you reminded yourself as you fought to keep up your poker face.

“Haeun, you wouldn't let me explain but- this is ___, my girlfriend.”

The confidence lacing his words is absolutely extraordinary, his arm wrapping around your waist and bringing you closer. His smile is wide and proud, eyes shining with what you could almost believe it to be swelling adoration and sincere love, if you didn’t know any better.

The girl, however, doesn’t know any better; you note later on.

When his words sink in, both of your jaws fall slack. But whilst her face morphs into shame, embarrassment and heartbreak, your head turns his way with a snarl, a scoff of utter disbelief rising from your chest as you assemble his whole plot.

Really? is he for real?

“O-oh” The shaky exhale the girl lets out makes you turn your attention from Chanyeol’s shamelessly smiling face, to her fallen one. Her head bows down, bangs falling over her face, and your heart aches for her state, urging you to try and offer some words of comfort. But her actions end up being faster than yours.

“I- uh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know- I’ll be leaving.”

Her words hang in the air as she rushes out in a haste, voice weighed down by unshed tears. For a while, the only sound you register is the rapid clicking of her heels, and you’re frozen in place until the last footstep echoes in your ears.

You’re brought back when Chanyeol casually unwinds his arm from your waist, a content sigh leaving his lips as he falls back into his chair. Your hard stare doesn’t leave his form as his fingers expectedly fly back onto his keyboard, paying no mind to your towering figure. And it’s hard to tell if he’s really unfazed by what happened, or if he’s just having another round of ignoring you.

You decide it’s the latter when Chanyeol lets out a long, annoyed sigh, his shoulders hunching down. He doesn’t even turn around to face you, nor does he allow his eyes to lose focus on the screen as he huffs out a “what?”. His voice is casual, genuinely wondering why you’re still standing next to his desk.

“You’re one big asshole, Park Chanyeol.”

It’s only then that Chanyeol bothers turning his head around to face you, his face blank before it slowly morphs into something else. It’s astonishing to witness his reaction to your words; his eyes instantly widen, innocence and shock filling them up, and his mouth hangs open, lips pouting almost in a childlike manner.

“What did I do?” The unmistakable whining in his voice makes you cross your arms in front of your chest, slowly getting annoyed by how sincerely confused he looks. Your head tilts to the side, a look of ‘are you completely serious right now’ painting your features before they harden again.

“You just sent away a broken-hearted girl in tears! You lied to her and did god knows what else!” Allowing your voice to slightly rise, you don’t even try to mask the heavy tone of accusation.

Another sigh heaves past Chanyeol’s lips as he rolls around to face you, looking a little more serious. His mouth falls into a thin line, eyebrows scrunched together and his gaze falling anywhere else but on you. He too didn’t feel the need to mask his heavy annoyance, making it clear that he didn’t feel like he owed you any sort of explanation.  

“It was a one night stand, alright? And she wouldn't get the memo. I don't even know how she managed to find my work place.”

His words are accompanied by a simple shrug, eyebrows raising at his last sentence. You silently keep your gaze on him, trying to decide if he’s being honest. Upon noticing that, Chanyeol sighs once more, and you truly didn’t think that a sigh could convey such heavy annoyance until now.

“Look, I didn’t do anything else to her I just- oh would you stop it with the murderous look, please? It’s making me lose my train of thoughts.” He complains like a child, and at that, you allow your arms to unfold.

“Anyways, it was either making her believe I was already in a relationship, or tell her that I had no desire to be with her.”

You sigh, knowing first hand that Chanyeol wasn’t looking for anything more serious than a little flirting and short flings. It’s hard to pinpoint when exactly was the last time Chanyeol was serious about someone, and you trust that if he says so, then that girl truly had no chance at winning him over. You allow yourself a few seconds of silence, head bowed down and thoughts full of sympathy for her, before you lift your head up, features falling back into a hard stare.

“Fine” You huff, making Chanyeol turn his back again to you, but you continue, “but you owe me.”

Your words are met with a scoff, and you don’t need him to face you to know that he has that dumb smirk on his face; “For what?”

“I played along and didn’t expose your ass to her!”

“Don't flatter yourself, I could've done it without your help” He hums, eyes still focused on his work. It’s funny how it all started with him perturbing your work, whilst he’s the one completely immersed in his.

A roll of your eyes comes naturally at his words, arms crossing again. “Mhm, I have no doubt you would have, but fact is I did help, so you owe me”

Chanyeol remains completely and unbelievably uninterested in your words, that you have to bite your tongue back. He only bothers to raise his hand in your direction, shooing you away with a half-hearted agreement.

“Yeah, yeah.”

~

You didn't expect yourself to come back no more than half an hour later, and by the way Chanyeol lifts his head up, you suspect he didn't either. Your footsteps are gentle as you approach him, stopping once you deem yourself close enough.

“Chanyeol” The mutter of his name is laced with timidity and hesitance, polarly different than the usual tone of your voice.

Chanyeol feels the need to look up, eyebrows raised in disbelief. Undoubtedly, flustered you is a very rare sight, and he finds himself trying to commit it to memory. A faint blush reaches his cheeks, making him shake his head with a cough. “Yes?”

“You owe me a favor, right?” A sheepish grin hesitantly paints your lips, your words not demanding like before, rather unsure. Chanyeol can only scrunch his eyebrows at your change of character.

“Yes, I do” he squints his eyes, your unusual niceness making him paranoid.

“I- I think I figured out what favor I need.”

He answers you with a nod of his head, willing you to keep going.

The knot in your stomach tightens even more, nerves getting the best of you. A dry mouth and clammy hands are the usual tell signs of your nervousness, but they seem to slip right past Chanyeol’s confused stare. You can only will yourself to take in a deep, long breath and force your eyes shut before blurting out.

“I want- I needyoutobemyfakeboyfriend!”

A heavy silence reigns for a while, the sounds of keyboards and mouse’s being clicked, phones ringing and hushed conversations providing background noise. It’s hard to decipher Chanyeol’s blank expression, your fingers nervously fiddling as you wait for his response.

“What was that?” He asks instead, genuine surprise evident in his voice, as if he’s unsure he heard right.

You groan, shutting your eyes closed. He was really going to make you say it again. Taking in another deep breath, you force yourself to look him in the eyes, your words coming out somewhat easier the second time.

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

You count the seconds as your words sink in. 1, 2, 3... His face is still blank, probably still processing what you said.

 4,5…

 His loud snicker cuts through the heavy silence, and you’re honestly taken aback because he’s laughing his ass off, limbs flying all over, his body shaking heavily and his face morphing into an expression that has you wondering whether he’s laughing or if he’s actually in infernal pain. 6,7… His loud outburst falls back into a silent laughter, but it still seems like the idea so foreign and inconceivable to his mind.

 8, 9, 10…

 Chanyeol’s eyes finally fall back on you, and he straightens up rapidly at your nervous stare, not a single trace of joking apparent on your face. The smile he showcased falls into a nervous one before it vanishes completely, shock taking over his features.

 “Oh shit! You’re serious?!”

 “Uh- well, yeah. I just need you to-” You stutter out, but he’s quick to cut you off. For a moment, you’re stunned by his short dismissal and stiff frown.

 “No.”

 “What- why?” You didn't expect it to come out as a whine, unconsciously pouting, “But- but you owe me.”

 Chanyeol responds by a scoff, but his face fails to portray any amusement, “Yeah but not this much.”

 “You don't even know what I’m asking exactly!”

 That at least got him to quiet down, but his arms still cross over his chest, skepticism oozing out of his silent stare.

 “Look, all I need you to do is come as my date for this wedding, and hopefully make my family believe you're my boyfriend.”

 Chanyeol takes a few minutes, nodding his head in deep thought. His fingers tap against his chin, and he looks like he’s at least entertaining the thought.

 “Alright,” He finally answers, unfolding his arms, “I've thought enough about it, and I’ve decided to respectfully decline your stupid ass proposal.”

 He then goes back to work in the most natural of ways, completely ignoring your presence as if you’re invisible to the human eye. The action has you fuming in irritation, your teeth clenching together at how he doesn’t seem perturbed even in the slightest way by your firm stance.

 “Come on!” You bargain, “It's only for a few hours. Besides, I’ve just done the same thing for you, just now.”

 The nonchalance painting his face remains the same, eyes glued to the computer screen as he tuts, “No, no. See, that’s totally different.”

 “How’s that any different? You’ve just used me for the exact same reason!”

 “Yeah but you didn't have to pretend for more than a minute, and I’m actually expected to act in front of your family!” he’s quick to reply, bringing up solid points -but you wouldn’t admit it, “No way, go ask someone else!”

 “But you owe me-”  

 “And I will repay you!” His voice is firm, final, leaving no room for rectification, “Just not like this, so drop it.”

 You bite on the inside of your cheek, frustrated by his final refusal. Something nags in the back of your mind, urging you to just let it go and return to your desk; hallow words of “at least you tried” echoing repetitively in your head. And it’s incredibly tempting to do so, completely burry the memory in some long-lost cavern of your mind. But thoughts of the last time you attended a family reunion flood your mind, reminding you of how you were the center of attention along with your nonexistent love life.

 You involuntarily shudder at the memory. In all honesty, you couldn’t understand your family’s concern -or rather obsession with your life as a happy, content, single person. Nonetheless, you’d very much appreciate a way out of the “family meetings” to “bring you some help”. And right now, Chanyeol looks like your golden ticket.

 “Please? I won't ever ask you for any favors!” The tone of your voice falls from frustrated and demanding, to sweet and pleading. You’ll deal with the aftermath of this heavy embarrassment later, but for now, you’ll be damned if you don’t use up every inch of your determination to secure a yes from him.

 His shoulders hunch down as an exasperated sigh falls from his lips, making sure to convey just how done he is. You fight a frown from your hopeful face when Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to face you.

 “Why don't you go ask Jongin or something? He sure as hell is a better candidate to be your fake lover.” He spits with a bitter bite you fail to pick up, far too concerned with how indifferent he still looks.

 A sigh falls past your lips at his words, allowing yourself to settle comfortably on top of his desk. Chanyeol barely steals a side glance at your form, the hand resting next to your thighs awfully close to his.

 “No,” you pout, “I can't even think of embarrassing myself and asking someone else.”

 Your eyes find solace in the ground, surges of mixed feelings taking over you, swimming somewhere between the shame of needing to beg for a fake boyfriend, and the dread of having to expose an untrained soul to the hectic and loud atmosphere during your family gatherings.

 “I already know how ridiculous it is to ask this, and it’s even a bigger embarrassment to bring someone I don’t know well to meet my family -I can’t bear to know what they’ll think of me.”

 Vulnerable confessions fall from your lips in an uncharacteristic small voice, and you don’t even notice how strangely enough, self-consciousness is the last thing in your mind. And while neither of you pay any notice, it’s hardly the first time the atmosphere falls from irritated bantering to truthful whispers and open revelations.

 “If I’m being honest, you’re probably the only one I don't mind staining my relationship with” You add with a shrug, “It’s not like there’s much to lose.”

 There is really no need to hide the fact that, for as long as you could remember, you’ve always been on each other’s bad sides. And weirdly enough, you’re scarcely worried about him facing your family. He could stay trapped all night by your aunt’s side, suffering through the tales of her 3 cats and her dog for all you care. Heck, you’d even get a good laugh out of it.

 “I’m very flattered, but it's still a no for me”

 Sarcasm drips from his words, long arm rising to shove you off of his desk, in the least gentlemanly of ways. Not even a side glance is offered as you nearly trip from his ungallant push, and it takes nearly all of your self-control to stop your foot from kicking the back of his chair when his hand shoos you away like a stray cat with a “Go away now.”

 Counting to 10 seems to help with keeping your murderous thoughts at bay, and you’re surprised that you’ve got so much fighting in you, because another round of pleadings are already falling from your determined lips.

 “Please.” A beg.

 “Think of all the free food.” A tempting reminder.

 “Come on, Chanyeol. Free dinner, drinks and cake”

 “Ok fine, we can leave in an hour, or right after dinner, whatever you wish. Please?” A final compromise.

 “I’ve never heard you talk so politely to me, or say that many pleases in one conversation. I didn't think you had it in you, ___.” Amusement drips excessively from his words, bearing no intention to hide the fact that he’s absolutely enjoying your begging state as much as he could.

 “Then maybe you can take that into consideration and see how desperate I am,” Your whining finally got Chanyeol to turn his chair around, his entertained expression facing your desperate one.

 “____, as delighted as it makes me to see you so miserable and hear you beg, I’m gonna need you to leave so I can get my work done.” His words are spoken slowly, in the way you’d talk to a little kid, and he finishes by patting your head before turning again.

 Panic floods you in mere seconds, clashing with frustration and desperation, the heavy emotions bubbling up inside you and finding home in your heart, making your heart thud loudly against the confinements of your ribs. Thoughts race in your mind, and you’re completely convinced that you’re out of valid offers to give, until-

 “I’ll cover for you on Friday!”

 The loud thumps of your heartbeat are all that resonates in your ears for a while, counting the silence as Chanyeol remains motionless. A small voice of hope chants that you’ve found your golden opportunity; it’s no secret to you that Chanyeol’s late shift on Fridays is often the source of his sour mood, as it usually makes him miss out on night’s out with his group of friends.

 The rolling of his chair sounds like angels singing to your desperate ears, and you note how he seems to consider your offer, this time for real.

 “Three weeks” he bargains, finally breaking the silence.

 “Oh, hell no!” A cry of disapproval answers him in a heartbeat, “I’ve got my own plans on Friday as well instead of doing your work. I’ll do it for one week, no more”

 “Then nope, come back when you have a better deal.” Chanyeol taunts, relishing in the frown of your eyebrows and the crossing of your arms.

 “This is the best deal you’ll get Park! You already owe me; I shouldn't even be offering this”

 “Yet, you are.” He hums in all amusement, words coming out in a sing-song tone, “three weeks and I’ll do it”

 “Two.”

 “See you later, __” Chanyeol’s already rolling back to his desk, and it’s all in slow motion in your head, cries of despair emitted from the depths of your mind. You highly doubt your personal ability to go through the night without a date to simply stand by your side, and he’s so, so close to agreeing to your immensely dysfunctional plan -something you’re sure no one else would agree to, especially not in such a short notice.

 Hope flickers in your mind, tempting whispers of how you could try and persuade Kyungsoo to come with you, but that miniscule spark is shut down in no more than a second, just by remembering what went on last time. It had taken you exactly two weeks and three days of continuous begging just to get him to attend dinner with your family merely as your best friend. No way in hell would he agree in a few hours to be your date.

 Helplessness flood you at the thought, your mind responding by a unified consensus that Chanyeol is by far your best shot, and dammit you need a yes out of him.

 “Wait, fine! Fine, I’ll take over your shift for three Fridays! Do we have a deal?”

 Goodbye movie night, your heart weeps.

 Goodbye my precious free Fridays.

 On cue, Chanyeol rolls around in his chair, the most obnoxious, extensive, satisfied smirk playing in the corners of his lips.

 Park Chanyeol is the devil himself, your mind growls.

 “When and where?”

 ~

 You can hardly recall how the rest of your work hours went, mind perturbed as you hurried through the files, dashing straight to your car as soon as you could. A short text is all you send to Chanyeol, your home address along with exactly when he needed to arrive if he ever had any intention of reproducing. There is no doubt in your mind that your threat won’t do much, but it feels nice to let out the steam of getting played by him -although in all technicalities, you were the one giving the proposal.

 It’s an absolute wonder to you just how much your family can cling onto the same old story of “is there someone special yet in your life?”. You would’ve expected the whole story to blow off in a few months no more, except that it’s been well over a year and you still can’t catch a break the minute you’re cornered by more than two of your relatives. But then again, you figure that your last breakup had its effect on them as well, duplicating their worry for you by tenfold.

It’s impossible to deny that their interventions are all coming from a place of deep concern -the single fact stopping you from reaching the high limits of frustration, even when their prying got to an unnerving degree. And it’s even more impossible to deny that it’s all because of your last relationship, being the most serious one you’ve had, and lasting longer than the rest. From college buddies to fallen lovers; he was welcomed with the utmost love into your family, hopeful melodies of wedding bells and eternal vows circling between your relatives.

 It wasn’t the case, however, and you couldn’t bear it in you to hold a grudge against that. You two weren’t meant to last, souls breaking from two, different, contrasting stars that couldn’t bear to merge into one. But while your heart had found recovery and peace after the abrupt separation, it seemed that it had painted a clear vision for your family; one of fear that you would not allow yourself a chance to find such love ever again.

 As time went by, you came to realize that not even your insistent reassurance would not diminish their concerned thoughts, unless they see you happy by someone’s side. Which soon got ridiculously overbearing, because “I can be happy without someone, auntie!�� you assured, “and no it doesn’t mean I’ll die single -but hey what if that’s what I want?”

 Alas, it seemed like there was always a new member of the family to know about it, and they just have to mention it again and bring the damned story back to life. However, your mother is undoubtedly the leader of the club, hardly letting it go unnoticed. During her last birthday, her wish was to see you soon in a relationship, and that was after you had repeatedly asked her not to tell, pretexts of “Your wish won’t come true if you say it- mother!”

 The reality of the situation hits you, of how far you’re pushing it by trying to pull this ridiculous stunt. Just as soon, second thoughts start flooding your mind; is it too late to bail? Maybe if you just beg Kyungsoo enough he’ll comply; that would, of course, require for you to swear to be his eternal slave and do all of the dirty work for him. That still sounded like a better plan this.

 The ringing bell pulls you instantly out of your thoughts, your heart beating painfully out of your ribs.

 Shit! Shit, he’s early!

 The drumming beats of your heart don’t falter as you make your way towards the front door, eyes falling down on the light blue robe wrapped around your body and the fluffy slippers you’re dragging across the floor; yet another reason to curse at Chanyeol for arriving too early.

 In one swift motion, you swing the door open, eyes landing instantly on him and involuntarily sizing him up from top to bottom.

 You’re perfectly used to seeing Chanyeol is a suit, every day at work really; but it’s another thing to see him dressed up to the nines, clad in formal black and white, his hair perfectly swept up instead of the usual fluffy locks falling on his forehead.

 And maybe your eyes linger a minute too long, but you ignore the smirk slowly painting his lips and step aside to let him in.

 “You’re here too early,” you scold, “you’ll have to wait for me to get ready”

 “Yeah well, I decided that I very much like having my genitals.”

 Turning your back to him, you allow Chanyeol to walk in as your feet drag you back into your bedroom, anxiously checking the clock on your way. The loud click of the door closing resonates in the house, followed by tranquil footsteps trailing behind you. Chanyeol walks in comfortably into your room, hands pocketed in his pants as his eyes take a tour of the room. The corners of his mouth curl into the faintest of smiles, before he’s flopping onto your bed, his amused expression full on display.

 “I have to admit, this isn't the brightest idea you’ve ever had. Normally, when you don't stand someone, they’re the last person you’d invite for this.”

 “You don’t even get to complain” you bark, eyes meeting his reflection on the vanity mirror as you put on your earrings, “you’re walking out with the winning deal, so don’t get smart with me,”

 “Heh! That’s true!” Chanyeol grins, mumbling proudly to himself.

 “And bringing someone I can’t stand is better than asking someone I like and possibly ruin my chances. How romantic is it to ask your crush to fake to date you?”

 Chanyeol doesn’t give a reply, and you’re more than content with the stillness as you focus on the final retouches of your makeup. But it’s not long before his voice cuts through the silence, just as you put the brush down with one last touch of highlighter.

 “Why would you reach this far just to get a wedding date?” He voices his thoughts, the slight serious tone lacing his words fading before you could take notice of it, quickly turning into a sly smile, “Unless we’re going to your ex’s wedding. Well done, ___-ie, I didn’t think you played your cards so well.”

 You decide that the smack on top of his head was well earned, smiling evilly as he cries out an “Ow! What’s that one for?”

 “That’s for not listening to a word I say; I already told you it’s a family wedding.”

 You pick up the dress laying on the bed, right next to Chanyeol -still rubbing the sore spot on his head, taking it into the bathroom to change

  “It’s my cousin’s wedding.”

 “So, like, what? She teased you as a kid? Stole your boyfriend, or something?”

 The eyeroll that his comment earns goes unnoticed behind the bathroom walls, but the long sigh reaches him just fine. “Do you even listen to half of the things you say?”

 Chanyeol doesn’t give you any actual answer, the silence stretching long enough you’re surprised when you carry on with your explanation. “It’s nothing like that.

 “She’s hardly older than me, and she’s already getting married and has her life sorted out. I can’t possibly skip this, but I’ll never hear the end of it if I go on my own.”

 The bathroom door clicks a few seconds later, followed up the soft padding of your bare feet as you pick up your black high heels from the bottom of your wardrobe. “I’ll be damned if I end up in the kid’s table again, or worse- the singles table.”

 “Well, why don’t you just get a boyfriend?” He pipes up, not giving you a chance to talk before he’s answering himself, “Oh, that's right. I totally forgot about your general incompetence when it comes to men.”

 You stop midway through slipping in the second pair of your heels, shooting Chanyeol a deadly stare.

 “That’s rich coming from someone who had a crying girl in his office just hours ago.”

 “At least I can get girls.”

 “Oh, that’s great! Next time, you can learn how to keep them.” You retaliate, getting up and walking towards him, stopping a few steps away and turning your back to him. “Now zip me up”

 Chanyeol takes a slow step forward, and you feel him close and warm. He stands still, only resting a hesitant hand on your side minutes after. The towering feeling of warmth on your back stops you from uttering out any words, patiently waiting as his fingers zip up the dress on your bare back.

 An awkward cough is what breaks you out of the trance, feet quickly taking a few safe steps away from him. Neither of you bother to break the silence until you walk down to the cars, and you only do so once you see Chanyeol walking away from you.

 “Uh, Chanyeol, where are you heading? My car’s that way”

 Something like a scoff hits your ears, and you watch as Chanyeol gets his own car keys from his pocket, “As if I’d let you keep me trapped there without a ride back. Nope, I’m taking my car and you can catch a ride yourself.”

 A helpless sigh escapes your lips as Chanyeol unlocks his car, slipping into the driver’s seat without so much as a second thought. But when he doesn’t even bother to honk at you to get in, you grit your teeth in annoyance and walk over to his car, slipping in with a rough shut of the door.

 “Ever the gentleman.” You spit out with every bit of sarcasm within you, settling in the car and putting on your seat belt.

 “And I’m leaving in an hour, no more.”

 “Oh, come on!” You groan in protest, folding your arms over your chest, “Taking your shift for three weeks deserves more than one hasty hour, don't you think?”

 “Hmm, but that's all I’m giving. Unless you don't want it anymore, in that case I can always drop you off to the next bus stop, or get you a cab?” He taunts you, turning his head towards you in an amused smirk, one that screams that he just knows that you won’t.

 Ass, ass, ass!

 “Fine” Your grumble comes out like one of a little kid, and Chanyeol takes immense pleasure in that.

 “And stop taking advantage of my desperate situation!” You loudly complain, sending him another glare. “You’re evil.”

 “Well, you know what they say; when life gives you lemons, you-”

 “Oh, shut it already.”

 ~

 “Ok. So, do you remember everything? You won't mess it up, right?” the words tumble out of your mouth, bursting with unmasked nerves.

 “Jeez, do you ever stop?” Chanyeol sighs, locking up his car, “Yes, I remember everything. You talked my ear off in the car, I don't think I can even forget.”

 “Good, good.” You shakily breath out, lungs stubbornly refusing to breath in any air and grant you some release. “So, we've been dating for three months now, right? And we met through work-”

 “Yes, yes, yes” He loudly groans, “We’ve been through this before. I asked you out first, and I took you to your favorite restaurant for our first date, and then to the movies for our second. I’m not forgetting anything, so will you please just calm down.”

 “Alright. And we haven't been dating for too long so I hope they won't pry too much and won't get suspicious that I haven't told them about you.”

 “Exactly, so relax and it’ll be just fine.” You don’t fail to pick up how the tone of his voice falls from frustrated groans to soothing reassurances, and you’re definitely thankful as you finally feel the weight on your heart slowly easing up.

 “Ok, right. You’re right. I’m just scared, is this a good idea?” A nervous laugh falls from your lips, worried eyes looking up and seeking reassurance in his dark orbs.

 Chanyeol looks at you. And for the first time tonight, he really looks at you; your eyes are looking up at him in a mix of worries and vulnerability, heated cheeks looking so soft, pouting lips colored in the most deliciously beautiful shade of red. Your hair is falling flawlessly and nicely framing your face, so inviting to the touch that he has to bite back a smile at the thought. And the beautiful dress he had zipped up on your body no more than 30 minutes ago, could put all the stars to shame from how stunningly it fits you. Chanyeol takes his time looking at you, with warm eyes and the softest smile hanging on his lips, and you’re looking all around gorgeous that he has no doubt that the view would forever be imprinted on his mind.

 Chanyeol clears up his throat, fighting the wide smile from his lips.

 “Of course it’s not a good idea. But we’re already here, so let's make the best of it.”

 His words still manage to encourage you somehow, smiling as he offers you his arm which you gladly take.

  “Shall we?”

 ~

 The welcoming your mother had in mind was definitely far from what you could have ever think of.

 You barely register anything that happens after the blinding scream your mother lets out the minute she hears a combination of “my” and “boyfriend”. But in the midst of her rushed and overjoyed words, Chanyeol gets dragged into a warm hug and tugged inside, swarmed with welcoming while you stand in the door, almost unnoticed.

 “Hello to you too, mother” You mumble, stepping inside and making sure that Chanyeol was still breathing.

 You manage to find him still glued to your mother’s side -not by his own choice, you’re willing to bet- a circle of family members quickly swallowing them up and suddenly all whispers are about your new beau.

 “Honey!” Your mother calls out as soon as you step closer, your eyes however landing on Chanyeol’s slightly uncomfortable ones, “You didn’t tell us about this lovely man! How could you have kept this from your poor mother?”

 You sigh inwards as the expectant looks all fall on you, asking for further gratifications. You make sure to link your arm with Chanyeol’s before anything, rescuing him in the process from your mother’s attention.

 “This is Chanyeol, and we’ve recently start dating.” You offer with the widest smile you could muster.

 And cue the rainfall of questions, going smoothly as your rehearsed answers come out naturally, sending obnoxiously sweet smiles to each other and perfectly faking the honey moon phase.

 It’s only when the attention rightfully shifts from you to the grand day of the bride, do you trust to leave Chanyeol on his own for a moment.

 “I’m going to see the bride and check if they need any help.” you whisper, adding with a reassuring smile that you won’t take long. But your gaze hardens once more before you leave, a scolding finger emphasizing your words.

 “Don’t do anything stupid!”

 ~

 He did something stupid.

 That’s the first thing that flies through your mind the moment you come back, finding Chanyeol cornered by various family members. The sight itself is enough to make your nerves resurface, fearful that Chanyeol has somehow drawn too much suspicion to himself, that a wrong word from him has exposed your stupid lie to everyone.

 But the closer you walk towards him, the more it all gets clearer. Unlike the questioning stares and awkward answers your mind conjured, he’s actually laughing wholeheartedly with everyone else. Playful jokes and loud laughs are exchanged, Chanyeol fitting in so naturally you wouldn’t guess it’s his first time meeting them. Everyone loves the shit out of park Chanyeol and somehow, you’re not really surprised.

 You sneak your way into Chanyeol’s side, relief filling you up and manifesting in the form of a smile.

 “I see you’re getting pretty popular in here,” You whisper to him once you’ve distanced yourself from the rest, shooting him an amused look, “I’m impressed, Park Chanyeol.”

 His response is a whole-hearted laugh, eyes crinkling and his teeth full on display in a stunning smile. And you can't help but smile back.

 “Well I’ll have you know that your family is quite nice. You should try being more like them and less of an asshole” He teases, leaning in with a nudge of his shoulder.

 “Don’t be a dick!” You grumble. But unlike the many previous times when you took his remarks to heart and spit your dismissing words more venomously, you find yourself actually laughing along with him, his words now resembling the playful teasing of a friend.

 ~

 It’s not long before you’re shuffled into your seats, settling in and waiting for the ceremony to begin. The air is soon filled with beautiful melodies, white lace and long veils following. Promises of eternity are vowed, and it’s coming to an end too soon with one sealing kiss.

 Flower petals cover the grounds, congratulations and happy wishes for the newlywed couple shared. And at the first signs of tears filling your eyes at the sight, Chanyeol’s handkerchief is slowly handed to you, a small understanding smile on his face.

 ~

 “Park Chanyeol? Huh?” a voice scoffs, “That rings a bell.”

 Your head shoots up at the sound, instantly meeting the face of Daehyun. It’s been long enough since you’ve last seen him, probably the last time all of your cousin gathered around. Only, the smirk on his face didn’t feel too pleasing.

 “Wasn’t he the guy you hated back in high school?” He inquires, his tone all too confident. It takes a moment to click, but soon enough you’re cursing that one summer you’ve spent at your grandparent’s house with a cellphone, loud complaints and a whole lot of frustrated feelings towards Chanyeol.

 A nervous laugh is all you can muster at first, taken aback by his forwardness. “I- I didn’t hate him! And that was high school Daehyun, it’s been quite a while.”

 “Then why didn’t you mention it earlier?” He squints his eyes, leaning in just a bit closer; “That you’ve met in high school?”

 Your hand unintentionally shoots up to push him away, holding his gaze with as much confidence as possible; “We barely even knew each other back then, it doesn’t count as knowing him.”  

 Daehyun lets out something between a snicker and a scoff, “Barely knowing him but hating him, and then dating,” he hums, taking a sip from the drink in his hand, “Keeps getting better.”

 Anger bubbles within you, along with a sense of embarrassment and the fear of getting exposed. It makes you clear your throat, trying to keep your expression calm; “What is exactly your point here?”

 “My point is that,” he leans in with a smirk, “you are getting defensive and worked up over this.”

 “Your words are provocative and attacking, how else am I supposed to feel?”

 Daehyun leans back at your response, taking his time to twirl his drink before he responds.

 “I’m sorry if I’m questioning your supposed boyfriend, but doesn’t he just look more at ease over there?” His head points over to the bar where Chanyeol was sitting, a new female company you didn’t notice before, chatting comfortably with him. Although your expression remains blank, Daehyun raises an untrusting eyebrow, “Am I not allowed to feel a little suspicious?”

 You can feel yourself visibly stiffen, worried thoughts mixing with irritation before you’re pushing past him with a “Get lost.”

 ~

 Your mood doesn’t get any better even after you find yourself a quiet seat, eyes darting from Chanyeol’s smiling face at the bar, to Daehyun as if to make sure that he’s not going around and spreading his suspicions.

 Chanyeol comes to join you not long after, plopping next to you and smiling widely. Except you can’t bring yourself to smile back at him, choosing to drag him to a quiet corner by the arm.

He doesn’t protest much, allowing you to lead the way until you both find a bit of privacy. He remains quiet, despite the furrow in his eyebrows, the questioning look on his face and the accusing finger you jab at his chest.

 “What are you trying to do!” You spit out, “Could you be any more obvious that you’re not my boyfriend?”

 Chanyeol’s face fills with obvious chock, words speeding out of his mouth, “What? What happened? Did they suspect anything?”

 He babbles with genuine worry that seems to fly right over your head, too caught up in your own thoughts.

 “Why wouldn’t they when you’re out there flirting with other girls?” You scoff, arms crossing over your chest. A moment of silence passed before Chanyeol copied your stance, getting annoyed himself.

 “I was talking. You didn’t seem to have a problem with that not long ago.”

 A scoff rises from your throat; “You were not just talking, anyone with eyes could see that.”

 Chanyeol doesn’t bother with an excuse or an explanation. Instead, his jaw tightens as he grits his teeth, eyes rolling and letting out a frustrated exhale through his nose. And his lack of response is enough of a confirmation for you.

 “Honestly,” You sigh, “You couldn’t stop yourself from flirting left and right for one night?”

 At your words, Chanyeol turns his face towards you, features falling into a frown that you don’t even raise your eyes to see. You simply grit your teeth, letting out another frustrated sigh, “I’d appreciate it if you’d try to stop yourself from trying to find a quick fuck at my cousin’s wedding.”

 That seemed to have hit him, his face visibly hardening. A long silence prolongs, hard stares exchanged instead of words. Chanyeol doesn’t even address what you said, weaving a hand though his hair before he grumbles, “It’s been well over an hour. I’ve done my part here, so I’ll be leaving.”

 You watch Chanyeol as he turns around, his silhouette blending with the bodies on his way to the exit. Something awfully similar to guilt creeps into your heart, stomach twisting uncomfortably. The heaviness of your previous words dawns on you, along with the inability to deny that Chanyeol was doing his best. He was actually enjoying his time with you and your family. You were enjoying your time with him.

 Unfolding your arms from your chest, your fingers nervously fiddle as Chanyeol disappears into the parking lot. It feels like every other argument you’ve ever had; fueled by pride and turning into a matter of not wanting to back down before the other.

 It’s not long before the pressing weight on your chest becomes too suffocating, uneasiness reaching every nerve of your body. It feels like your body is acting on its own, and before you can stop yourself, you’re lightly jogging after him.

 You’re overcome with relief when you find Chanyeol still in the parking lot, enough to stretch your lips into a smile, enough to get you to run faster (as fast as your heels allow). Your hand reaches him first, wrapping tightly around his wrist. The surprise is evident on his face when he turns around, noting how you’re huffing and puffing, not saying a word just yet.

 “I’m- I’m sorry.” Is all you manage out, chest still constricted with culpability and the lack of breath. “I shouldn’t have said that, especially after all that you did.”

 You’re only met with his blank face, the initial shock wearing off, replaced with that look that makes you feel like he’s calculating you. It’s almost discouraging, but you’re already pushing the words out before you can rethink it.

 “My cousin made some remarks about us- you. How he didn’t believe us, and that you-“, you bite your lip, clearing your throat uncomfortably, “-looked much more interested in her, so…”

 Your voice trails, hands fidgeting and nerves skyrocketing at Chanyeol’s -still- blank expression. He doesn’t make a move or utter a word, his hands pocketed in his pants. The lack of response has you bowing your head down, letting out an embarrassed chuckle, and -shit, you’d pay just to know what’s going on in his mind. It’s not like you’ve ever thought of how apologizing to Chanyeol would go, but this was definitely unexpected.

 The dinner announcement makes you lift your head up, and tinge of sadness crawling into your chest once your eyes meet Chanyeol’s. And it surprises you just how much you’re waiting for a single reaction from him.

 “They’re serving dinner in a bit.” You attempt again, offering a small smile, “At least stay until then?”

 Chanyeol’s head bows down, heaving a sigh. It’s almost as if he’s weighing his options, having a mental debate with himself. The seconds stretch far too long before he’s lifting his head back up, the soft smile on his lips making the tension in your shoulders dissipate.

 “I’m sorry too.” He speaks first, “I guess I should’ve stayed by your side more.”

 Your smile stretches to imitate his, slightly nodding your head. Eye contact is held for a while, a new kind of truce setting before Chanyeol’s taking a step closer, offering you his hand.

 “How about we try to make it right this time? Hm, baby?”

 ~

 The dinner call has all of the guests shuffling around, getting into the seats that had been arranged weeks and weeks prior. Somehow, your unexpected plus one manages to bend the seat arrangements, and you can only expect to be removed from the main table and fixing you a seat with your date in some table in the back, probably next to some weird distant cousins. Instead, a seat is squeezed in for Chanyeol at the main table (courtesy of your mother; “Nonsense! You’re both sitting down with us- honey, grab a chair”.) and yes, that means next to your parents, siblings, and all the close relatives you were hoping to avoid.

  However, it ends up being more enjoyable to sit beside him than you care to admit.

 Light chatter settles as a background, laughs exchanged along with hummed appreciations of the mouthwatering food. The conversation flows nicely, going from your cousin’s (the bride) graduation story, to the groom’s brother who had nearly missed the wedding due to his faulty GPS, and then settling on your cousin’s story about accidently hitting his crush with the ball while trying to learn how not to suck at basketball.

 “I played basketball back in College.” It’s Chanyeol’s first time joining the conversation ever since dinner started 20 minutes ago. It’s needless to say that you’re startled when you’re raising your head, stopping mid-bite.

 “Me and my friends go out playing every Thursday, maybe we can meet up someday for a few rounds? You’ll get better in no time.” The invitation comes off as casual, as if directed towards a friend rather than his coworker’s cousin, a sincere smile on his lips.

 Your eyes linger on him, even as he mindlessly goes back to focusing on his food. Soon after, Chanyeol feels your gaze on him because he’s turning his head towards you with a soft questioning smile on his face.

 “What?”

 An embarrassing sound flies out of your mouth, your words getting stuck in your throat before you actually manage out; “I- I just didn’t know you played Basketball.”

 Chanyeol’s smile widens into a full toothy one, and it’s all kinds and shades of fucking beautiful. But before he can reply to you, after his huge smile melts into a flustered one; your mother butts in, “Oh honey, there is still so much you kids will still learn about each other. All in due time”

 ~

 The night almost died down, stretching it just a tad bit longer just so it won’t come to an end. The ballroom is almost empty, only some family members staying behind, a few couples littering the dance floor.

 Your feet slowly move to the soft music notes still playing, head resting against Chanyeol’s shoulder and your hands locking behind his neck. His face leans against your head, bodies swaying together with a mixture of tiredness and comfort.

 Eyes closed, soft breaths against the fabric of his shirt, feet aching after a long night of dancing. Still, not a single thought of sitting down crosses your mind. You only open your eyes when Chanyeol’s voice reaches your ears, soft and quiet, his breath fanning against your skin.

 “Why did you turn me down when I asked you out to senior prom?”

 His words feel hesitant, spoken after a long inner debate. Chanyeol’s aware of the tinge of vulnerability carried along his words, the sudden need to avoid your gaze making his eyes glide through the empty ballroom instead. He couldn’t exactly explain why he had the urge to ask you, having already dealt with the memory long ago.

  Memories of a much youthful, louder, yet just as tall Chanyeol cross your mind. He was quite the charmer back in high school, his contagious laugh and lame jokes earning him multiple chuckles and high-fives during classes, his good looks effortlessly granting him endless female attention.

 Chanyeol was definitely hard to miss in school, especially with his popular group of friends; Baekhyun, Jongdae and Sehun. You still regularly see them around your workplace, still the same loudly obnoxious bunch when they’re visiting Chanyeol during work. Usually, it’s just them cackling loudly you’d like to stable a ‘caution’ sign on their foreheads, or slap the daylight out of them after they mess up your papers.

 The day Chanyeol mentioned was still fresh in your mind, and you cursed yourself for replaying his words in your mind over and over again throughout the years. Sometimes it would be during sleepless nights consisting of turning around in your bed until you finally fell into the deep oblivion of sleep, other times it would simply be during work when your eyes fell on him slouched over his paper work.

 Park Chanyeol didn't get nervous; he just naturally wasn't the one to have sweaty palms and stutter over his words, and surely, he wasn't the type to get all shy and flustered when the spotlight was directed on him. He was naturally outgoing -perhaps even a little more than just that, always the openly smiling extrovert.

 Yet, the day you found him leaning on your locker, you've never seen him look so small. So fidgety and stumbling over his words, that you wouldn't have guessed that the smirk permanently etched on the boy’s features wherever he teased you could ever be reduced to a kicked puppy’s face. And perhaps that was really the only time you’ve ever seen him look that nervous, maybe except for that one time Junmyeon -the head of your department- caught him messing around in his office and nearly breaking one of his precious picture frames, a mistake that definitely landed him extra work on many, many following weekends.

 You blink at him puzzled, clearing your throat that suddenly felt a little dry upon hearing his words. And maybe you were really hoping that you’d never need to dive into this topic with him, keeping it hidden under the unnerving, mindless bickering you went through with him on a daily basis.

 “Well, you did hate me.” You stated matter-of-factly, a vague memory of a younger version of the handsome man holding you, a single pink rose in hand and a nervous smile on his face. A smile you had chosen to take as another round of his teasing. “So of course I figured that it was either a prank or a bet.”

 “Anyways, you looked like you had fun with Jiyeon.” You finish with a harsh bite to your words you don't seem to notice, not even stopping to realize that you held into that day just as much as he did.

 “No, no, no.” He chants quietly, his head slightly shaking. A breathless chuckle falls past his lips, before he’s continuing, “See, that's where you’ve got it all wrong”

 Your eyes dart up to meet his, finding a soft smile on his lips that doesn’t quite his eyes. Confusion is evident in your eyes, and it makes Chanyeol explain.

 “I didn’t hate you. And I was serious when I asked you out. So serious that I ended up bummed for a week because you rejected me, until Chen set me up with Jiyeon.”

 “Chany-”

 “I had the biggest, most embarrassing crush on you and you broke my heart.”

 His confession fell from his lips, weighed down by a heavy laugh, unlike the whole-hearted ones you always got from him, eyes looking too gloomy for him. It leaves you stunned for a while, mouth hanging open and his words refusing to sink in.

 “N-no!” you defend, eyebrows furrowing at him, “that’s not how it was at all! I’m not sure we both remember high school the same, because as far as I remember, we were in each other’s necks ever since Junior year!”

 “it’s only because you hated my guts from the very beginning, so I just went with it” Chanyeol shrugs, defending quickly yet he still doesn't forget to swing you around, the frown on his face contradicting with his graceful movements.

 “Bullshit” You hiss quietly so that no one would hear, “You’re the one who started teasing me first! Why would I start hating you out of nowhere? I’ve literally been crushing on you ever since freshmen year, I couldn't even speak without stuttering in front of you!”

 Chanyeol’s face softens up once your words sink in, mouth slightly hanging open. His voice is reduced to a hushed, unsure whisper, disbelief taking over his features.

 “You- you did?”

 Your eyes blink repeatedly at him before you’re sighing, leaning your head against his shoulder, your groan muffled by his blazer

 “Chanyeol, how did we manage to get things this far?”

 His soft laugh rings in your ears, his chin resting against your head. “I was kinda hoping you’d tell me.”

 ~

 The dance ends too soon, the music coming to a stop. No words were exchanged after the year-old confessions, neither of you knowing how to bring it up. The truth is out in the open, and for once you’re both out of words to say.

 And then it’s time for farewells and adieus, the newlyweds having left earlier than the rest. Hugs and goodbyes are exchanged around the room, your mother making sure to hug Chanyeol tight, a moment too long.

 “Don’t be too long Chanyeol, let us see you sometimes soon. ___, bring him with you if you visit.”

 His large hand clutching yours feels warm and you’re still feeling too disoriented to answer, but he takes the lead and offers an earnest smile to your mother, “We’ll make sure to come visit you soon.”

 The car ride is silent, a little shy even. But it doesn’t feel uncomfortable. You’re both tired from the long night, and your brains are running wildly with unspoken thoughts.

 The familiar streets of your neighborhood come to view a bit too soon, Chanyeol’s car coming to a stop. You turn to the side, facing him with a soft smile. “Thank you, for tonight.” You start, trying to find your next words.

 Chanyeol doesn’t reply to what you said, instead he offers, “How about I walk you up?”

 A nod of your head is all the only needed reply.

 Quiet footsteps echo across the empty halls as you lead the way towards the familiar door, your back leaning against it the moment it’s close enough. Chanyeol’s warmth feels close and your heart beats against your ribs in anticipation.

 “I had fun tonight” He starts off awkwardly, a hand hidden in his pocket while the other weaved through his hair.

 “I did too.” You admit, “It’s the most fun I’ve had at a wedding.”

 A long silence follows, eyes never breaking contact. Until Chanyeol clears his throat, taking one step closer towards you, teeth biting down on his lip.

 “Would you- would you want to have coffee tomorrow after work? With me?” The sight of a very nervous Chanyeol stutters, looking just as precious as before- you note.

 “I can’t, I have the evening shift.”

 You don’t realize the implication behind your words until you see the look on Chanyeol’s face. He’s dejected and it’s written all over his face, obviously taking it as a definite no.

 “Oh- it’s alright. Have a goodnight.” He breathes out, trying to plaster a smile on his face. He takes a step to the back, ready to turn around and just call in a night before your voice stops him.

 “Chanyeol” You call, making him turn around in a second, “Can we still do it the day after tomorrow? I’ll pay.”

 It’s almost as if a ray of sunshine shone on Chanyeol, because he instantly looks down, trying hard to muffle a bright, giddy smile. He clears his throat, the smile still prominent on his face when he replies, “That works for me.”

 His feet don’t budge however, and neither do yours. Your eyes hold each other’s stares, smiles on your lips, not wanting to leave just yet.

 “Great. Goodnight.” You nod.

 “Goodnight, ___.”

 “Goodnight, Chanyeol.”

 Another hushed laugh escapes his lips, eyes softening. Chanyeol stands there for longer before he turns around, and then quickly turns back again to face you. The fast beat of his heart feels so loud he’s worried you might be able to hear him.

 “Goodnight.” He breathes out, fingers fidgeting, feet reluctant to leave just yet.

 Your head bows down in a giddy smile, heart fluttering at his state. You take a few steps closer to him, feeling a surge of confidence and leaning in to peck his lips. Quick, fast, soft. “Goodnight Chanyeol.”

 Undoubtedly, that half a second of your lips touching his got him smiling so widely, feeling so hyper you’d believe that he had just woken up instead of coming back late from a wedding.

 Chanyeol nods his head like a happy little pup, biting down on his lip to suppress his awfully huge smile. He bends down again, much eagerly this time, stealing another kiss from your lips, chuckling against your lips when he pulls back.

 His hands then snake their way into holding your face, softly stroking his thumb against your skin. Amusement dances in his eyes and he leans again, not having had enough just yet. But before he can get his wish, your fingers quickly cover your lips and make his own come in contact with your skin instead. Chanyeol pulls away, pouting like a dejected puppy.

 “No more until you take me out.” You promise with a teasing smile, bringing the gleefulness back on his face as he nods his head repeatedly. His hands let go of your face, finding their way back into his pockets again, his smile not faltering once.

 Chanyeol finally turns around, feeling satisfied enough with your promise. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ___.”

 His hand raises up in a quick goodbye, sending you one last smile before he’s disappearing down the stairs. Something tells you that Chanyeol, in all of his current hyper glory, won’t be able to sleep much tonight.

 But hey, neither will you.

 Bonus:

 “omg! Wha- Baek! Did you see T H A T! they- they! THEY KISSED!”

 “Honestly Jongdae, for a sneaky person like you, you can be really oblivious.” A sigh.

 “What do you mean? You knew?!”

 “Didn’t everyone know?” pipes in Jongin

And, cue jongdae’s cute lil whining (awaaaaaaee~) 

[messykarma]

a bit much

11/06/2018

Not even halfway through 2018...

Today kinda reached my breaking point.

You get used to being put a little to the side, I’m 2 years younger and it’s the critical years for a brother older than you in high school yeah I get it his education at that point will be more important than mine (or are all years especially the years leading up - the building blocks - arguably also just as important???) back when we were both in high school. At this point, I’m in my final high school year and he’s in University, yet he’s still regarded as the more important person in regards to school life.

I’m usually always the reliable go-to person/child

“do you have a charger”

“do you have glue/scissors/tape”

“can I borrow (where’s your) cash for the aircon guy”

“do you have a thumb drive”

Bonus: bro gets his bedsheets done for him all the time (or at least used to, he does it more now but not all the time) while I’m expected to do it all by myself and even help with parents - if I don’t help I get shit for it even tho I prefer not to and sometimes opt not to. Mum will put his clothes away for him a lot of the time whereas I do it myself (not too fussed about it, I’d prefer to do it myself but it’s still a difference), will get mad at me bc I don’t like helping in the kitchen with cooking/baking/cleaning etc. and if bro and I are forced to help (also clean the bathroom/take out the pail of water) and he doesn’t do a lot I’m expected to pick up the slack (happens anytime we both have to do something) and if something goes wrong/is bad I usually get shit for it - or if I refuse to do what he didn’t do I get shit for it bc I should be the better person or whatever which I usually am bc I hate getting into trouble.

But when I don’t wanna then omg “you’re so calculative” like ok sure I am a little but if it’s a frequently reoccurring thing I’m going to be fucking annoyed and frustrated

Events leading up to the Charger Incident(TM) that frustrates me

Taking my headphones without telling me or asking for my permission. Taking my cables without asking or telling me and not giving them back sometimes even when I ask for it back

The one time I left it for too long because I felt bad for continuously asking was when he magically forgot he borrowed my only secondary cable (the one I use for my portable charger) and so now it’s gone forever - this cable is good because you can swap out the heads so you can charge many types of devices.

It’s not my damn fault you’re shit at taking care of your things. I love to have a cache of spare shit in case something goes wrong and stuff.

My bro has taken a bunch of earphones from me over the years bc he broke his or lost his and I’ve had to give them up to him because “you have spares, why not just give it to him”... this continuously. I think I’m a selfish person but I’ve been so selfless sometimes. 

-

I feel bad when others get into trouble especially if I caused it but then again it makes me feel angry, sad and frustrated when I get into trouble for things like this.

Bro school fees = $16k a year (half for the first year) at least  My school fees = $1k required a year but parents opt to donate another $1k more My school is the top high school in Australia and is academically selective. I went on 2 tours which in total cost $18k together, pretty much school fees of my bro’s school for 1 year. I got better education and more exposure (he also went on tours but just for sports because yes his school actually offers opportunities in sports)

Right after I gave my charger back to my bro to use and told him to give it back to me, mum screaming in my face (me trying to hide that I’m tearing up):

“you are very rude”

“attitude problems”

“why do you even need your phone... [not important, he needs it, it’s more important, Uni blah blah exams]”

“don’t think we don’t know about the boys you talk to”  (I actually don’t talk to boys online and if in the rare case I do it’s usually related to school or another friend of ours etc. nothing romantic at all, I try to remove myself bc ik I’ll get in trouble)

“.. want to get fucked??” (can’t believe this is what my mum thinks I want)

“that’s not that important” (referring to what I want to do)

“selfish”

(it’s now around 3 hours past when he had my charger and his phone was literally at the same percentage as mine and I still don’t have it back but I’m afraid to ask for it back) --> When people get mad at me and my brother who is currently mad at me, I always feel like I’ve done something wrong and I feel sad and I hate it but like... I can’t even tell anymore if what I’ve done is totally acceptable??? But he’s so damn selfish what in the entire fuck - always expects me to do shit for him/give him shit to use etc. but won’t return the multiple favours???

Everyone always fucking acting as if everything he is and does is so much more important than me and mine.

Always threatening to take my phone away/linking my behaviour to leading to getting pregnant (as if I want to) - assuming I want to have sex with people all the bloody time (”you want chips? Are you pregnant? You had sex with a boy on a school trip?!) vs never taking away his phone and never demanding for his password, respecting his privacy even though I know for a fact he has bloody nudes on there.

She never says shit like that to my bro and stuff... it’s only ever getting mad at something he does but she never really personally attacks him or hits him. Mostly bc hitting him doesn’t hurt him bc he is brave enough to hold her hands and shit, I kinda just stand there and take it while crying and saying sorry and then she gets more mad LMFAO bc I’m crying and I ‘have no reason to cry’ and I deserve it and shit

I’m so tired of always ‘being in the wrong’; I can never win. I don’t even know if it’s justified that I feel this way, I have no idea if my feelings are valid??? 

Ever since one of my close friends back in Year 8 said something along the lines of “why would you tell your friend that? Why would you unload all that onto your friend?” when another girl called her crying because her dad had been mean to her, I took that situation to heart. I used to be sceptical and not wanting to talk about personal problems unless I’m joking about them until then - at that point I decided that I should never tell my friends anything and keep everything to myself, stewing inside and letting it eat me up. 

If I’m feeling any emotion other than content and/or happiness - any negative emotion, I get so much shit and parents get mad as if I have nothing to be unhappy about and that I don’t deserve to be anything but happy. Because “they were poorer”, “they had it worse” it means that I’m not allowed to be anything less than happy. Yeah I get it you had bad circumstances but that doesn’t take away from the facts of my own life which you can’t see because you’re not empathetic or self-aware??? I just.. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel any non-happy emotions.. just that I’m not allowed to be in control of my own feelings and that they’re not valid. I always feel so shit when I’m in a bad mood and I hate myself when I act in a negative manner because I don’t like hurting people, it makes me feel bad.

Even if my parents were to suddenly become nice and super caring about my emotions and shit... it wouldn’t feel right, I’d feel even more on edge and suspicious and it would feel weird. 

At this point my parents are aware that there’s really no career I’m particularly interested in, I mean software engineering is kinda my ‘I guess I have to pick something so it might as well be this’. At this point the only thing that really makes me happy is soccer and that’s something I fought so hard to keep but my parents fought just as hard to separate me from (bc of academics - in contrast, they allowed my brother to continue to play summer and winter sports and he sacrificed so much time to train for them, albeit they were for his school... mine is club but the thing is his school offers the same quality gameplay my club does bc my school does not offer anything).

I had girls who played in state teams telling me to try out bc they believed I was good enough and said I’d be pretty much in and after a lot of matches I get people/refs/coaches coming up to me telling me what an excellent keeper I am and what good saves I’ve had - there was 1 specific save I did that was top corner and a ref literally told me just after “that was a really good save”. I’ve had coaches and parents try to convince my parents to let me keep playing, offering to give me lifts, saying I don’t have to do training at all I can just play games. For 2 years. They gave up after 2 years.

Am I over-hyping myself? Am I even that good? I suppose that’s the only positive reinforcement I’ve had and I’d hope that’s an indication of my talent/worth.

At dinner after the Charger Incident(TM):

“be nice to each other, you’re siblings” implying that I’m not nice??

Comparison:

Whenever I walk into his room he usually threatens me with spraying me with deodorant or throwing things at me, usually objects that really hurt. I knock on his door more often than not before entering. Whenever I ask to borrow something: if he’s using it, it’s a straight up no even if I say I may need it more, when I ask to borrow books it’s usually a no or a hard won yes with me having to give something back in return like food etc. If I come into his room and take his shit I’ll pay.. usually in a harsh physical sense. Will be very mad and shit if I do into his room.

Whenever he walks into my room he doesn’t knock, he doesn’t announce his presence he just comes in and looks at my shit. Doesn’t ask me for things, will almost always just take it. He’s literally taken headphones from my room before without telling me and not returning it until I go to his room to take it back. Doesn’t give back a lot of shit I let him borrow. Will come into my room and eat any food I have there if it so pleases him. I don’t threaten him at all I only ever ask him to leave my room. He laughs at me and shit and acts as if he has the right to do whatever he wants (compared to how he acts when I’m in his room). When ‘he needs something more’ he just takes it. After giving away books he doesn’t want, will come into my room to take it back bc ‘he wants it back’. Generally will take everything and everything from my room even without telling me or returning it. Happens so much over the years.

Honestly, at this point, I wish I lived in the US even at the risk of getting shot because then it would be so much easier to be able to afford good schooling while taking part in College soccer which provides such good opportunities and is pretty much glorified. I’m very confident I’d be able to get into schools such as UCLA and stuff that have great soccer teams (almost confident if I tried a little I’d be able to achieve an acceptance to Stanford) but the only thing holding me back is pretty much living expenses and tuition that isn’t subsidised or not student loans for overseas. I just want that competitiveness and environment, it’s so crazy good. And I understand my parents are looking to retire and shit so it’s very out of the question... it’s just I’m aware of opportunities that would make me happy, albeit help back for financial reasons.

Used to think dad was on my side and shit until I had a little chat with him and he basically told me he had it worse bc his dad was bad (but the thing is both of my parents are/were never very emotionally there and shit and his mum was so damn nice to him) anyway I have no right to complain!

I talked to mum about ideal opportunities I’m looking at and she got bad at the fact that I wanna go to the US even tho living expenses are crazy expensive and I’m selfish for even thinking about my parents paying since dad wants to retire and I’m selfish etc.

[bankofamericavevo]

a single text frm my ex

”dude im so confused like wtf is going on???”

i’ve been polite and apologetic, so why are you like “hey so what’s up talk to me” and then like *radio silence* every week??? is this middle school? is this degrassi? anyways im sick of being terrified to text you because of how you responded with the intense blocking (???) and what alexander has said. im glad you finally acknowledged my apology, though it’s clear that apologies apparently mean shit all to you, bc i literally apologized to you multiple times profusely and honestly but you weren’t ready to talk about anything. the first time i tried to apologize you literally said “youre only apologizing out of peer pressure.” like what the heck??? do you realize how messed up that is to say to someone who cares about you and who you care about? if you really thought that, that i was capable of that, then why are you even friends with me? why do you even care enough to be mad, if you think i was the kind of person who wouldn’t actually feel bad if i hurt you? and when the hell have i EVER apologized out of peer pressure??? if im pissed, im pissed, and you know it. i lowkey ignored alexander for months when i didn’t think he acted fairly towards me when i’ve always had his back - i think i make it plenty clear. conversely, if i feel bad, i apologize and do some corresponding action(s) to show that i really feel bad, which i did. i deleted my instagram account and told you that i felt bad for what i said and that’s why i deleted it, and said i was sorry. nobody fucking MADE me do that, or even suggested for me to. just because someone might make a mistake and hurt you doesn’t mean you get free reign to treat them however the fuck you want. you didn’t even talk to me after that week and then blocked me on literally everything ??? as if i even show up that much on anything but tumblr and/or snap?? and i know what i did and what i posted was wrong, and i am sorry for it, but it was also incredibly immature and out of character for me!! and you didn’t even think to ask if i meant that, or call me out yourself like “dude wtf is that insta post about me for?” or talk to me about why i said it or how you felt about it or facilitate any sort of conversation about it. but anyways after that i apologized again multiple times to make sure you really saw that i was indeed sorry, once even in person, and at that time my whole attitude and body language was literally filled with shame and relief and joy to see you and talk to you and apologize to you. i was and always am ready to know how to improve things, in spite of all the various mental and physical problems that i have. hey, you know something? it’s almost like we’re friends and i care about you!!! and even when i fuck up and hurt you, i care about you and what you think and feel and how you’re doing!!! and what i can do to help!!!! anyways, on top of this i apologized profusely about you/to you via alexander and sabrina as well, when they literally sought me out for the sole purpose of like? reprimanding me or some shit? on your behalf and putting words in your mouth, even though they are NOT involved in our relationship, don’t know everything about me or even about you, honestly, and have no right to pass judgment and verbalize their hurtful thoughts to me, especially fucking sabrina. she NEVER texts me back or even tries to maintain a friendship relationship with me, who the hell is she to suddenly appear out of the blue to tell me she “was so happy i was growing but now i’ve disappointed her” and make me feel like some schoolchild who needs to stand on the wall during recess ????? as if she even knew any of the growth i’d done other than what was told to her filtered through your voice and mind. she never seems to give a fuck about me apart from when it has something to do with you, so what the hell? there was no reason for me to deserve that, especially not from her, someone who hasn’t had a heart to heart with me in like two years. and im sick of hearing 10 different stories about what MIGHT have gone on / be going on in your brain from Alexander and Sabrina and other people, who don’t even know all the facts or what happened or even exactly why you’re upset. every time i ask for clarification or to be told specifically exactly what all you’re mad about (because if i don’t know exactly for sure, my mind wanders to bad places and i start overthinking every single action, which detracts from the main point, leaving me with the complete wrong impression), everyone always keeps saying “you know what you did” all dramatically like this is house of cards or law and order or some shit??? like calm down! i obviously am still confused and don’t know exactly, or i wouldn’t be asking, and i obviously care to fix it and make it right or, again, i wouldn’t be asking! and when sabrina was scolding me or whatever, i literally had to correct some of the information that she was incorrectly upset with me on your behalf about. and since im assuming youre the source of that information, god knows what the hell you’re thinking, or what all your assumptions and anger are based on!!! you may even be mad about shit that didn’t even happen or isn’t true and never has been or that you assumed, all because you never talked to me!!! like when you assumed i cheated on you??? what kind of person do you think i am??? you assumed that about me, and then immediately accused me of it like im even capable of that???? like i even have enough game?? for god’s sake, you thought that when i said you were my best pal that i was acquaintance-zoning you, when i literally have talked to you every day for like 3 years and love you to bits and pieces??? and i know i hurt you this night too, and i’m sorry that was completely unintentional and caught me by surprise and im sorry i said things in a way that triggered you, but do you honestly think im like a super femme pokemon like altaria, or like roserade - when im so obviously not that femme of a person???? im not NOT femme but im no altaria?? and just because i dress up when i hang out with you, doesn’t mean that there isn’t more to me apart from how i dress? and if i say i think im monferno, and relate to that and feel that, then maybe consider that you could be incorrect and that my self-assessment might be more accurate than your assessment of me? someone like sabrina could maybe be a roserade, all pretty and fierce. but not someone like me! anyways, do you still think that? that im all femme? or that i hate you, or that i’m out to get you? or that i’d cheat on you???? because all those thoughts are all evidence that just goes on to show how bad you are at perceiving and understanding me. so do you really trust everything you maybe have assumed that you think about me or my thoughts and feelings or reasoning behind my actions without confirming anything with me?? what the hell did you even tell them anyways, that made them vilify me to that degree and treat me as though im incorrigibly horrid? i didn’t murder anyone, i didn’t cheat on you, i didn’t even break any rules??? i didn’t know what was happening in my head myself and i wasn’t ready to tell you and also assumed you weren’t ready to hear any of my thoughts/perusings in that area. but what alexander and sabrina said to me? made it sound like you’re a saint and i’m uncontrollably evil and batshit crazy (and i hate using tjat word but jesus). and that literally fucked with my brain and self esteem so badly, and you already know how crap that is (it’s what caused most of this mess in the first place) and just because i made a mistake and we’re in the middle of an argument does not mean that i deserve to feel like that, or view myself like that, or to be treated like that. what did you say to make them completely ignore and forgo my own friendship with them and treat me like literal shit as they stroked their own moral egos for telling me off in your defense? and i know you let them because alexander sent me a screenshot where you literally said he could say whatever the fuck he wanted to me on your behalf. and if you have the right to literally make most everyone i know in this state hate me to the point of them seeking me out and making me feel like an irreparable disgusting monster and then actively ignoring me for a mistake that i made, accepted, and apologized for (which you don’t, by the way, but you did it anyways, so about what i said earlier, you can say whatever you want to whoever but you need to learn to fight your own fucking battles, and you need to take responsibility for the consequences of what you tell people and what they do with that information), then i at least deserve to know what the hell is happening in your brain, why you thought it was a good idea to drag this on for so long without even directly speaking to me and allow other people to speak for you, and why the hell it is that you can forgive shruti after they ignored you for literal months, or why you can hang out with amy who literally makes your stomach curdle and makes you hate yourself to the extent that you get anxious and sick, but you can’t treat me, your fucking best friend, like a FRIEND who made a MISTAKE and is OWNING UP to it and is SO OBVIOUSLY TRYING to make it right. im not forcing you to forgive me, or even asking for you to, but your policy about not talking about important stuff that you can grow from just because it’s difficult or because it hurts you is honestly? complete shit. that’s not how you talk to people or maintain relationships with them. and just as i have shit to learn from this experience and work on, that’s something that you do too.

additionally, about what i said earlier about my misplaced guilt, i’m sorry, but that’s kind of on you. i phrased it nicely earlier, but i am NOT responsible for how you feel about my feelings (that i am not in charge of/in control of) for other people. “it feels so good to see you blog about hahn and caroline in a way that you never blogged about me, it makes me SO wet!” is pretty much what you said to me on tuesday when we facetimed. i had not slept at all the night before, was cramming all night for my chem final, took my chem final, just came out of a two hour yelling session with my best friend holly (which actually allowed us to work out our issues and im grateful she spoke to me clearly and honestly like that so we could resolve the problem as effectively as possible. so. idk what i did to make you think that i was rolling my eyes or being dismissive of her and what she said to me??? but wtvr), i had a pounding migraine, and my eyes hurt like hell. but you had asked me what happened so i just called to tell you what happened, and you like ??? suddenly start with that ??? completely unrelated topic that i am not even responsible for??? you didn’t even address the actual problem, the actual reason you actually had a right to be mad at me about!!! look, i am not yours. i like you a lot and wanted to give us a shot to see if we could work out, and i cared about you enough to try before dismissing the possibility. maybe that was wrong but i was trying my best and have learned and grown from that. i was not trying to hurt you, and i learned my lesson that it can still hurt anyways, and we already talked about that stuff and resolved it as best as we could. and i know you’re not mad about that, you get it. it might hurt, but we talked about it so you’re not mad. but what you said to me on facetime on may 9th? is NOT my responsibility. i can’t MAKE myself be obsessed with you, not that i’m even sure why you’d want me to be in the first place. i have told you repeatedly that being like that makes me feel disgusting, and is terrible for my mental health, and regardless of whether who the object of that angst is, it feels fucking terrible for me to experience and i hate it and i hate thinking like that and being like that. and you know that. and the reason i blog about it at all is because i want to flush it down the toilet, get it out of my head and out of my life, so i can breathe again before i get consumed by some trash useless feelings, but i want to be able to see what i said and thought later when i’m better, to remember that it did in fact happen because of my memory issues. and yet you were upset about me not angst blogging about you??? because you never treated me like the people i DID angst about did??? are you seriously upset that you’re so nice to me that i unconditionally love you??? and back when i did angst abt you and you saw my sideblog back in september or october you got pissed and rightly so, and i apologized then and i explained to you then too that those are my toilet thoughts?? and then i made my vent insta for being similarly salty and flushing away similar crapola thoughts like ??? like for example, im not still upset with autumn for protecting hahn back when i was mad at him. i was irritated then but i dont give a fuck now. same with the things i vagued about you - i was mad and pent up then but i dont think any of those things consistently and im obviously not mad at you now. that doesn’t excuse saying them, or make it okay, but it helps explain where i was coming from in my irritation. people say bad shit they don’t mean in a fight. that’s not an excuse, that’s a fact. people also apologize for saying shit they don’t mean in a fight. that’s what i’ve been trying to do for two months now. im guessing the blogging thing you said might have been something you don’t mean that you only said bc you were pissed, but i don’t know because you HAVENT SPOKEN TO ME. im currently still frustrated with this situation regardless of you saying to clear it from the top of my mind, and im upset and annoyed that what sabrina and alexander said to me made me feel like the worst person alive, which i know i am not by any means. bc i’ve deleted those things i said and also apologized to you for them. so like what else can i do? im not justifying my insta posts or defending them, i know and admit that they were unnecessarily mean, and a paragon example of the word Extra but im just asking you to be a little introspective. since we didn’t talk properly or clearly after that, and we were both highly emotional and upset, anything that we may have spoken about tuesday night (may 9th) does not count as us talking about this issue in a beneficial manner. and we haven’t spoken properly since, which i do Not Like. how do even know what you’re supposed to be mad at someone about if you haven’t even talked to them?

and speaking of angst, just so you know, you were so fucking wrong about Hahn this entire time. all your weird suspicions that you kept projecting onto me about me being angry because i still liked him were all fucking wrong. i emailed him on may 4th because i felt like complete shit, like i was powerless, and it was the only thing i felt like i had the power to change in that moment. it was me doing something to try to drag myself out of my own mental hellhole. and at that time he and i talked, but i did not forgive him. but then three weeks later, in the middle of this shitstorm between you and me going down, he called, crying, saying that he wasn’t ready to be friends again, and that he may never be, and that he’s sorry but he’s not at that stage. and i said thanks for respecting me and telling me that, i wish you the best, goodbye. and that ended that. so im not talking to him currently and im fine, because all i ever wanted was just to be treated like a human. and i haven’t thought about that boy angstily since and when he does come to mind? i feel nothing. just calm and normal and pleasant. so you were wrong to make me feel paranoid and guilty and gross in my own skin because YOU thought i still liked him, and also it wasn’t cool that you somehow conveyed to alexander that ME trying to DO SOMETHING for my crap mental health made you sad because i was “shoving it in your face” ??? that im somehow responsible for how you’d feel upset ??? about me FINALLY getting some semblance of peace and getting over a mental block i’ve been tormented by for MONTHS???? one that you knew all the gory little details of and still insisted that i reevaluate because you thought i liked him??? bc im sorry that it made you feel bad, but you insisted on me telling you everything always, so i did, honestly, but ultimately your suspicion that i still liked him hurt both yourself and hurt me. and my entire attitude when i told you and alexander about talking to hahn on the phone was empowered and salty and savage and relieved, not goo-goo-eyed in love or any crap like that. so there. that’s some shutting down of some of your unkind thoughts that i know are often intrusive or mean to you, and im willing to do it as many times as it takes for you to believe me. and i know that your insecurities and intrusive thoughts are not your fault, but you need to be aware of when those intrusive thoughts affect your relationships with other people, and so do i. i let my intrusive and frustrated thoughts hurt you because i was mad, sick, and sleep deprived, and that was fucking wrong and messed up. i should have shut up then and then asked you to explain to me what you felt when we both were calm and ready to talk about things. and im sorry for it, and have been ready and willing to make up for it for a long fucking time. but this is a rule that applies to everyone, and letting our intrusive thoughts hurt each other is something that we both do, and that we both need to work on in general for ourselves and the people we love.

so all in all, please stop holding your moral high ground over me until you’re ready to do it properly, so either disappear for a while like you did before and take your time to deal with it on your own and be mad or whatever, or speak up now. because i can’t stand another second of this stupid weird fake melodramatic dancing around, where you peek your head out the bushes for a moment before vanishing again. i thought we were good enough friends to grace each other with the honest opportunity to talk it out, including BOTH PARTIES communicating, even if you ultimately decided you needed space or didnt wanna be friends or whatever, since we’ve both done shit to each other in the past and gotten over it. but i guess i’m not a friend, anymore ??? in your eyes?? all because i made one mistake that i am apologetic and regretful towards. oh, and before you go to sabrina and alexander and shriya (who literally just dumped a boy and got with a new one within like two days??? and yet IM judged and “insensitive” for catching feelings after a month since we broke up?? ok 😒) and the rest, if you’re offended, maybe try considering that if someone you supposedly care about makes you upset, the normal thing to do is to talk to them rationally about it and explain to them clearly why what they did made you upset, and what you expect from them moving forwards. when you’re mad at people you love, and you’re fighting with them, most people like to try to resolve it as soon as theyre ready and as soon as possible, not drag it out for months, include everyone they know, and allow their friends to say whatever they want to them. not ignore them for months, let other people say random shit to them to stroke their own egos, and assume that everyone can read your brain and knows exactly how you feel. to axie at one point you said “they know what they done” but obviously i am still unclear about it if you don’t tell me with your own words why exactly you’re pissed??? so do with that what you will, because if you think that this mistake defines our 6 year long friendship where we’ve frankly overcome much worse shit than this, if you’re really that shortsighted and salty and naive (which I like to think you’re not) and if you think that i don’t have other shit going on in my life apart from you to deal with and spend my time on, and that i’m not strong enough to move on, then that’s your problem. talk to me when you’re ready to be real about things. it won’t kill you to be emotionally vulnerable with your supposed best friend for 10 seconds. im sorry about creating this mess. let’s try to work on fixing it. and if you’re not ready to talk about this? then let’s continue this radio silence thing. and let’s talk only when you’re ready to address this and move forward from it.