#and we have to navigate figuring out who tf we are while trying to figure out who killed her

[vulpixelates]

i wanna be creative so fucking bad today but i just have absolutely no idea where to START AWOEIFJAWOIEF

[hcneymoon]

girly i need ur opinion on a dating situation :(

there’s this guy I’ve been texting for a few days and we were all in, exchanging long ass novels, voice notes, the whole thing. we hit it off immediately and were definitely on the same page, with us giving each other updates on our day or when we would be away for a while.

then, suddenly, I noticed a shift and him drifting away. but since we had only known each other for a few days I didn’t want to make it a thing especially because texting creates a false impression of intimacy.

well yesterday I did ask him about it because I knew I didn’t imagine the energy shift. And guess tf what. He confirmed it and said he’s pulling away because we haven’t met yet and he’s scared his vision of me might not be the reality so before investing (the way he has within the first few days), he wants to make sure I am who he thinks I am and meet up.

now, I understand that and I guess that’s sorta kinda healthy but I’m here, feeling silly because I noticed his change in energy and I wonder… would he have told me if I didn’t ask? I’ve been there before; so many times. Men switching up on me slowly but surely, not telling me so I’m stuck in the air wondering if I’m paranoid or if it’s my gut speaking.

And for some reason I’m a bit turned off now with this guy? But then again, I guess it’s his right to pull away and set boundaries to protect himself. It’s not the fact that he pulled away that bothers me, it’s the fact that i had to actively chase and ask after sitting with my gut feeling for a while, wondering if I did something wrong.

What do you think and what would you do? :(

I get why you’re hesitant and unsure of what to do. these kinds of situations are a bit tricky to navigate as are most human interactions honestly. I sat here trying to figure him out the same way you probably have and I don’t know if that’s really what the beginning stages of a proper relationship look like.  sure miscommunication and little things like this are normal and expected but this early? you’re just getting to know each other and this is how it goes? remember that this is the honeymoonest of honeymoon stages and should be all butterflies and what not. the serious stuff comes later, when there’s an established relationship and foundation to work with. if he wanted to take things slow and see you in person before he “invested” in you (crazyyy choice of words btw) then he should’ve approached you accordingly from the very beginning. instead he played boyfriend and girlfriend with you and then decided to suddenly switch up and not even communicate why he did it. the least he could’ve done was to talk to you and explain himself. without you having to initiate the conversation. plus (hear me out ok I’m talking from experience) it sounds like he wants to make sure you’re physically his type before he continues to pursue you. which I find a bit icky and is definitely a big fat dark orange flag if you ask me. 

with that being said I don’t know what I would do if I were you because feelings are confusing and situations are blurry but I know what I would advise you as your online big sis that loves and cares about you which is to trust your intuition, gut, you name it and stay away.

[hnychn]

YOUNG LOVE !!

SUMMARY — finding out you're pregnant is supposed to be the happiest occasion in your life, but finding out while you're still a student? not the most ideal situation. . .

WARNINGS — teen pregnancy, fem reader, mentions of abortion, generally fluff <3 and a little cringe ong

AN — this is the second "young love" hc since tumblr has a stupid limit on text blocks. i have still tamaki's left to write and i'll link the other two below !! also, if you guys want to see this with other characters (teachers, villains, and civilians included, see my master list for a full list of characters) then please lmk in the comments! part 2 to "spit fire" is still in the works !! 🤍 -honey

navigation | shoto

TENYA IIDA

our baby class rep <3

he's responsible as f U C K

so when your relationship with him started getting more serious and sexual,

he was ON TOP of safety

condoms? he's got a lifetime supply :’)

you want to start birth control? he's got you baby don't worry about the price <3

side note: why tf is birth control so fucking expensive ㅠ

but one day

iida decided to ditch the condoms all together

since you're on birth control

and the coochie was too good to pass up

i'm so sorry ㅠ

anyways

so you start getting sick and light headed

blah blah we get it

so you withdraw some cash from your bank

since it's untraceable

and go to your nearest convenience store

and buy like ten pregnancy tests

the cashier, who was also a young girl, maybe younger than you

slipped in a free bag of chips

and told you to take care

bless her soul

you damn near cried

so you get back to the dorms and guess who's there?

yOUR BOYFRIEND

and before he can even say hi to you,

you book it to your room, dragging mina with you

because queen is your bestie

and you barricade your door with your dresser

all the while mina is just like, "gurl wtf are you doinggg?"

and you had dropped the bag to move the dresser, so she looks in it

aND SEES THE PREGNANCY TESTs

and this-

"aM I GONNA BE AN AUNT??"

like mina, baby, queen,

not helping

so the two of you are in your bathroom,

sitting on the floor,

sharing the bag of chips

with all ten of the tests lined up on the counter

and the timer on your phone going

mina is just throwing questions at you left and right

"what if it's positive?"

"are you gonna keep it?"

"how will you tell iida?"

it's starting to hit you, so you just lay your head on her shoulder and cry a little, "i don't know..."

and the you full on start sobbing

and mina comforts you

she understands

she'd be panicking if she was pregnant too

because damn

y'all are 17

still in highschool

the only bright side to this was that you weren't in the hero course, you were a support student

so you didn't have to worry about training or any of that, but your classes were equally as stressful

you both jump when your phone timer goes off

and you're clutching mina's hand so tight

"do you want me to look at them for you?" she asks as she rubs the back of your hand

you nod

so she gathers them all and flips them over one by one

". . .they're all positive. . "

you're not too surprised

you kind of already knew,

but your heart still dropped to your toes

so you just lay your head on mina's shoulder again and start to cry again

she comforts you and manages to guide you to your bed

". . . you have to tell iida. . ."

you don't respond

but you know you do, and you're trying to figure out how to when there's a knock on your door

"y/n? my love?"

... fawk

guess who it issss <33

your boyfriend (✿◠‿◠)

and you and mina just

( ；∀；) huh?

and he knocks again

"my love? are you all right?"

sO YOU AND MINA JUST SCRAMBLE AROUND

tripping over clothes

you stub your toe

mina slips on your bra

the two of you knock foreaheads

all while trying to hide the tests and trying to make it look like you weren't crying

mina moves the dresser while you hide he last test under your pillow

you panicked ok

mina opens the door and-

"he-heyyy, iida. . . how ya doin. . .nothing sus going on here. . . (✿◠‿◠)"

god bless her she's doing her best </3

you roll your eyes at her in a loving way and tell her you'll take her later

"ok besite" she gives you one last glance before leaving your dorm

iida is still standing at the door

he heard all the commotion from outside, and heard the harsh whispers you two threw at each other

not there !

why not??

that's too obvious mina !!

oh, like under the pillow isn't cliche either ??

shut up and open the door

but you didn't know that (✿◠‿◠)

so you let him in, "what's up, babe?"

iida looks around your room, his eyes linger on the pillows on your bed, "nothing, my love. you just seemed upset when you came in, i was wondering if something happened?"

he sits next to you on your bed

he noticed how you where shielding one of the pillows with your entire body

"you're not. . .hiding anything from me are you?"

aND F U C K

he looked at you

with those E Y E S

so full of trust

and honesty

and love

and- FUCK YOU COULDNT DO IT

you can't lie to him

it's like kicking a puppy

you just

c a n t

your eyes begin to water and your hands start to tremble

he panicks

because wtf why so suddenly??

"what's wrong my love??"

aND HES CARING ㅠㅠ

this only makes you sob harder

and he comes closer to rub your back and pet your hair

you lean into him while sobbing

iida is focused on comforting you, but his mind can't help but wonder what's under your pillow. . .

so

he does what any person would do

and he lifts it up

and oh, would you look at that

it's a pregnancy test

oh that's not too-

HOLD UP

he picks it up and is just. . . .oh

you don't know he's seen it and he's still comforting you but now he knows W H Y

"it's okay, my love. we'll figure this out together."

that's when you knew he saw it

and you can't help but feel so helpless

so you're practically in his lap by now, your fave burried into his neck and his arms keeping you in a strong hug

"you're not going to leave me are you?"

your voice is so soft and quiet and vulnerable, it almost makes him cry

"never."

and boom!!

that's how tenya iida managed to steal your heart <3

so you finally calm down, and you two talk

A L O T

he's asking you what you want to do and making sure to not input his own opinion because he doesn't want to influence your decision

after h o u r s of talking, you come to a decision

"as long as you're ready and support this, i want to keep it."

iida nods, "if that's what you want to do, my love, then i'll be the best father i can be to our child."

BRO IM TEARING UP

and so you you two go through the process of telling his parents

(i won't include yours because idk how they would react, you can add that in however you want)

they're a bit disappointed because you're both so young, but they're proud you're owning up and pledge their full support

iida tells his teachers

you tell yours

they allow you to keep coming to school untill you're around six-seven months

the teachers set you up with an online program so you can do your work from your dorm

iida is a bit stressed with all the hero classes and pressure to be both an amazing hero and father

but whenever he comes to your dorm and sees your round belly and feels kicks against his hand,

all the stress is worth it (✿◠‿◠)

during this time, all of class 1-a has been stopping by regularly after they found out

honestly they were so surprised their most responsible and rule-following classmate is now a teen dad

but they admire him for taking responsibility and owning up

they even throw you a baby shower

everyone is invited and brings gifts

except mineta, he's not invited

you all have so much fun

playing games the girls planned out

OH AND MINA PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING i forgot to mention that

you eat lots of food

open gifts

shoto got you this really comfortable and high quality rocking chair

you could have married him

anyways, you and iida decided to keep the baby's gender a secret untill you gave birth

so you guys decided to come up with a name at the baby shower

there would be a bucket for girl names and another for boys

lots of the names were really cute and unique

but two names that stuck out to you were

"kaori" for a girl and "yuto" for a boy

so let's skip to when you give birth

you're in the middle of your class, chilling at your desk in your dorm

iida is in his class too

you're wrapped up in a blanket koda had knitted for you for your baby shower

when you suddenly get cramps

you don't think much of it, having gone through Braxton Hicks a few week prior and sending everyone into panick

so that's what you think it is, test contractions

untill they start to get worse and more frequent

that's when you realise, this is real

you know that if you get to the hospital early, you'll just have to wait for hours untill you have to start pushing or get your epidural

because fuck doing it natural

so you just get dressed and make your way to campus

the contractons hurt, but not enough to put you out of walking, so you just take a nice stroll through UA

you get to 1-a's class and knock on the door

you hear aizawa's monotone voice telling you to come in, so you shyly open the door and leak your head in

iida is surprised to see you and nearly breaks his chair standing up

the rest of the class is surprised too, shouldn't you be in your dorm relaxing?

iida is asking you all these questions because he knows you wouldn't come all this way for nothing

"iida, calm down," aizawa calls out, "what did you come here for, l/n?"

"oh well i think the baby is coming."

". . ."

"W H A T ??"

this sends everyone into a panic

iida is throwing even more questions at you

mina, kaminari, and sero are screaming about becoming aunts/uncles

izuku is mumbling about everything he read about birth and the possibilities

ochako and tsu are looking for your go back they had made for you (but you left it in the dorm oops)

yaoyorozu is offering to make everything

you say no but she does anyways

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN YOU EXTRAS"

can you guess who that was? <33

shoto

kidding it was bakugo

he slaps the back of iida's head, "get yourself together and take your girlfriend to the fucking hospital, four eyes."

and you're off (✿◠‿◠)

aizawa calls a taxi and excuses iida from class

he also talks to your teacher and let's them know

i'm not going to write about the birthing process because this has already gotten so long

but you give birth T W E L V E HOURS LATER

fucking kid didn't want to come out ㅠㅠ

and it's a healthy baby boy <33

the others come over and coo over the baby

mina hoggs him, claiming she has more rights as godmother

and when she first comes in her first words are

"took you long enough bitch, i told you you needed to do more coochie work outs."

LIKE DJFJDKS SHUT UP AND HOLD MY BABY

it's a bit stressful balancing school and a CHD full time but the two of you manage

you stay on online school for a few more months to take care of the baby

and iida is given a few of his classes online as well so he can spend time with the child

and you live happily ever after the end <3

[yostresswritinggirl]

Writing Updates

Have a random Ganyu

As a commemoration for Xiao coming home, and for the fact that he's a stubborn little shit, I will write the final part of the summoning ritual. But I'm writing the meanest angst for him because he forced me to whale.

Dainsleif content will not be updated until I finally published ABTA 3-

Speaking of, I'm working on ABTA 3, and this is the general theme: Sadness [The vibe is drastically different from 1 & 2] [This should be the next major fic to be published]

Sojourner now has a projected end date! February 20, exactly a month after, if nothing bad happens. After that, Exiled will go slightly incognito to finish the backlogs as well as prepare for their next semester, which starts in MARCH 1 FUCK-

Requests will come in rapid fire because of this.

Kairos will take a long while still as we try to lay down the plot. The whole branch of routes would be published after the game, but for now, only the Demo and the Miscellany will be published this month. Sadders :((

Masterlist would be moved to a different post after I've figured out how tf I can copy linked words properly. A tags list (users and posts) will also be fixed for better navigation.

Me spacing out while trying to think of a Valentine's Special: Why is my head full of angst for Valentines wtf-

If you see this, please list down your husbandos/waifus you'd wish to see written for the Valentine's Event! Please, I'm struggling to pick who to write for,,,

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Soooooo... Couples therapy didn’t go well for SamBucky... TFATWS THOUGHTS (long post + spoilers)

Ok. Ok some depth to dude in a suit.

Not a bad guy. But the good guy Erskine always hoped for???

Mmmmmm some parallels between Sam and dude in a suit. Nervous to fill that suit.

“You’re not Captain America”

Aww they referenced his song

“Punch your way out of problems” hmm

Well yknow this is very early Captain America when Erskine gets killed and all Steve could do was be a figurehead of the war and put on shows...so interesting parallels

Bucky finds outtttt and he’s probably gonna deck Sam for giving up the shield

Ahhhhhh I knew it. Boi believed in what Steve believed. And seeing the shield being touted by some other guy gotta hurt.

Wait. But how did Bucky know Sam was gonna be there. Is he even allowed on this base??? Who gave him access???

Bucky my love you can’t help but latch onto the only friend you have huh? Wanna protect the dude that Steve believed could take up the mantle.

Instant chemistry on screen I adore this.

Dear god the sexual tension

Awwww “DONT call me Buck. Only Steve can call me Buck” WHATS THE BET BY THE END HES CALLING HIM BUCK OR THERES A CALL BACK WHERE SAM CALLS HIM BUCK AND BUCKY SAYS STILL CANT CALL ME THAT

Ahahahhahha what happened to the cool guy who caught Caps shield??

Cant even jump out of plane with no parachute. No wonder you didn’t get chosen to be Captain America XD (I kid. Don’t come for me)

Yknow what glad they showed them putting in those ear pieces. Every time they do that, the nonsense of every single Avengers movie and Civil War gets whittled down a little bit more

Sam we need a brooding non blinking dude or else who else will be your comedy prop

That was a flirty smile. Stop flirting Sam you’re on a mission.

Also love that Bucky is kinda caught up in saying all the cheesy sort of “casual” mission banter lines

Wait is that his new hero name orrrr? Bc he’s trying not to be the Winter Soldier anymore..

Their ongoing banter is really refreshing when before in other MCU movies (and this is very back to classics) there was time for maybe one quirky line mid action and the rest is just serious on a mission mode unless Tony was around

Bucky running oh my god I forgot

We had the whole running scene in Civil War too XD

Oop she’s not a hostage

Bucky has to love redwing in future right? (Sike they kill Redwing)

Oooh Sam got the hero music playing!!!

I was wrong. Dude in a suit got CAPS MUSIC????

Oh damn roll through the grass guys take it easy XD

I’m sorry subtitler what are you doing. “Captain America”???

Ok but that tracking shot of them just walking and bantering is great

This is a fun shot oh my god

BIG THREE

Baby there is a bit of difference to Steve jumping on a grenade pre-serum no protective gear of any kind using HIMSELF as a shield and expecting to blow up but hoping to save everyone else in the process... vs you knowing you can get out of it unscathed despite intentions being similar

Not a bad guy but not the “good man” just yet. But hey am appreciating his character depth.

Wow love that they’ve pointed out Bucky’s staring XD

But also this guy was raised up by the government. Steve was the embodiment of freedom.

“Battlestar??? Fuck yo nickname!” Hahahahaha

Oof John really just said they were his wingmen huh

Sam was right tho. I can get behind what dude in a suit is going for but he just has to end it poorly

So Super Soldiers came back as a plot point after the tease that was Civil War huh?

Wait wait so Sharon is still an enemy of state???

Nice. (I don’t remember what this was for)

Wow. And now we see the reality. Bucky, albeit pardoned, was considered a war criminal.

But they still think Sam is the aggressor in a situation where, I think, he would be justifiably upset. A hero, a black hero, was erased from the history books, effectively.

Racial profiling doesn’t stop. They see colour first and person second. And it was only after they realised who Sam was that they apologised. Actually even worse, it took Bucky reminding him to realise who they were.

How goddamn messed up.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmn ok dude in a suit you are overstepping boundaries here.

Bucky definitely needs the therapy, and while I would like him to have more freedom, it should not be on your authority????

Oooh tell em Doctor Raynor.

COUPLES THERAPY TIME

Ooooooh gazing hell yeah time to fall in love lads

Hahahhahahah their legs oh my god

Bucky’s “ha I won” look

Awww no Bucky really believed in Sam because it meant hope for him too I cant

I was rooting for this guy but he is getting on my nerves SNATCH THAT SHIELD OFFA HIS BACK

Yo but I feel bad for the Flag Smashers a lil? Their cause isn’t bad. Their target is governments, corruption etc. but idk we’ll see how things play out.

Jfc Zeno chill out. This music tf.

SHUT THE FUCK UP HOE THATS IT

—-

So we finally have some Falcon and The Winter Soldier bonding action, we love to see it.

Clearly they’re not best of pals, nor do they have Steve as their mediator... gotta navigate their relationship together, and once they nab a bad guy together for the first time, they’ll have better bond and it’ll be nice.

That said, gotta appreciate Bucky was actually more honest with Sam present. So that was some progress.

I am still neutral about Dude in a Suit... he’s not Captain America but idk if he’s earned me calling him just John and he’s not the USAgent yet?? Is that his name??

I can see where his motivations are coming from but he is really buying into this government mandated position that was only possible because Sam gave up the shield, when we’ve looked at him by himself wanting to live up to expectations... but dude is just coming off as a leech??? And I do hope he has a moment where he realises that, despite being the perfect soldier, there is someone who is more of a “good man” that Steve was, that Erskine wanted to take on the power...

And yknow the meeting with Isaiah does set up the very real concept that POC figures of significance are forced to remain in the shadows, or are straight up erased by a white-dominant society that wants to present a specific type of person as a hero for the masses to look up to...

Which is why I found the convo with that kid calling Sam “Black Falcon” interesting. The dad, who told the kid to call him that, might’ve wanted that distinction. In a society that continues to vilify and destroy their “racial minorities”, having a black hero like Falcon (and Black Panther and War Marchine) is important... and that idea leads into Sam’s outrage about Isaiah being unknown for so long... (as a non-American, non-black but POC woman, these are just some thoughts I have)

But yeah. Behind this very MCU veneer, we have some real character-led drama coming through and I’m all for it!

[thankyoufive]

tldr - i miss you if you also miss me come hang out on instagram where i’m going to bring the pprwrk and mgmt party you know and love.

I miss you, tumblr.

And I know I know: it’s been about 10 weeks, time for Tiffany to hop on tumblr and talk about how she misses it it and then ghost tf outta there. 

But as all of the world was transitioning to working virtually, I found myself using skills I forgot about. 

Putting to work and testing things I had wanted to use but didn’t have time before to just click around figure it out. Confirming that ideas I had would work as long as everyone bought into them and played along. Making documents, emails, and postings about how to use certain settings in an Excel sheet or navigate software... and I realized that this is a new phase of being, working, thinking, and creating for ALL of us but that I’d be fooling myself if this was any sort of reinvention. It was coming back to the things that really bring me joy... the mundane things. Excel formulas, nice headings in Word, the satisfaction of checking things off on a list and the deeper knowledge that clicking

It is also not lost on me that I have the privilege to have tangible work now and in the future (while things remain the way they are of course I ain’t out here jinxing things y’all). Things will be rescheduled, and things will look different, but we have not yet cancelled any productions for the rest of 2020. And then there are still virtual services every week. There will be advent. There will continue to be ways to use and grow the skills I have in ways I have not even realized... and honestly, this way of learning *new* skills? Of being sent a manual or a link or a tutorial video and hoping for the best? THAT HAPPENS TO BE HOW I LEARN BEST SO BUCKLE UP I’M UNSTOPPABLE RIGHT NOW *^.

So I’m not super sure what I’m trying to say, other than I’m just ready to return to sharing the things that have always brought me joy and created some really important connections and interactions. I have grown since neglecting you, SMblr, but I am the same nerd who wants to talk about stage management and paperwork and life and NBC comedy and nature documentaries with you.

That said: I want it to happen seamlessly... And right now, where I’m gravitating is instagram (thankyoufive there as well)~. That will be where you’ll find most of my shenanigans... I’ll start posting more about my paperwork, templates, and management experiences. There will inevitably come a time when something requires a longer post. And I, me being the *expert linguist* I am, will opt to write 1000 words about it rather than put a video together. And I’ll come running back to your weird, arms made of the industry standard 4″ of meat. 

I hope you’re safe. I hope you’re well. Let’s get back to business. <3

FOOTNOTES:

*... there is a contrarian part of me that wants to NOT do it right now on principle because EVERYONE is going online and I already DID THAT and blahblahblah shut UP inner critic you are v boring and insufferable. I’m going to do it anyway.

^ ...there is another very boring part of my brain telling me that this is not the time to do it and it doesn’t matter and there are so many other stage managers who have started doing this so who in their right mind wants to hear from me. shut up brain. 0/10 boring and insufferable. I’m going to do it anyway. 

 ~ If you’re asking yourself “How did she snag thankyoufive on both tumblr and instagram?”, the answer is that I am an ancient horror and have been screaming on the internet about stage management, paperwork, documents, and word processing programs for longer than I care to acknowledge. I’m going to continue to do it anyway. 

[bdneiceme]

Changes....

Every year, at the end of the year, I always do a reflection of what the year has taught me. More recently I began writing Facebook posts, but 2019 taught me so much that I figured a blog would be much better...

2019, all in all, wasn’t a bad year at all. Uncomfortable? Extremely! Bad? No. I will say, it definitely wasn’t “my year”. I grew in ways that I could of never guessed. I hit record lows, but I gracefully recovered. And with God’s grace I’ll be blessed to enter into the last year of my 20s next week. So here are some take-a-ways that I learned.

1. Rejection is necessary. I can honestly say, my life has been extremely easy for the most part. The life I’ve experienced doesn’t hold a candle to some of my friends. It was imperative that I understood the string of losing, and constantly losing at that, so that I could appreciate how much life has been a breeze. I have seen more closed doors this year than ever in my life. I was angry. I was pissed. It was everybody else, and never me. It became a lot...It wasn’t until I talked to God that I understood that the rejection was protection. Even though the closed door looked like the end of the World, what was on the side coulda been way worse. Learning to take rejection and not turn it inward is an uphill battle, but 2019 definitely equipped me to better navigate those feelings. I’m grateful.

2. Love isn’t enough. With Disney+ shaking the table and having all streaming sites shook, it’s a good time to revisit a lot of our favorite childhood movies. When I was a Therapist I would refer to the “Disney effect” that many Millennials, in my opinion, are cursed with. We saw so many Princesses fall in love, go through trauma, but in the end true love prevailed. In my own opinion, we allowed Disney to romanticize some downright awful relationship standards and through some fairy tale music to it. And now many of us still follow under the unction that “true love” will always be enough. I believed it too, until it wasn’t. I found myself in a relationship this year that I was literally blindsided with. I ignored all logic and hanging out a few times a week turned into a year and half of complete and utter bullshit. Time wasted because love wasn’t enough. That little voice, the pit in your stomach, the lump in your throat...that’s not fear of commitment. That’s God literally giving you signs that, “This ain’t it Chief!” Listen to it ! If you start allowing it, you’ll have to continue to allow it and you don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that. So I cleaned the slate. I pay T-Mobile every month for an alarm clock, but that’s okay. The peace I have is so much greater. I guess my first point goes hand-in-hand with this one. Though I felt rejected, I THANK GOD FOR HIS PROTECTION ! I’m grateful. P.S. Don’t become what hurt you !

3. “No new friends”. When Drake released that track I instantly caught an attitude. At the time, my new friends was better than my old ones and I didn’t get it. Until I did. I felt so alone this year. Not depressed. Just alone. This year I had to depend on me. I didn’t have the support that I desired, I wanted. I went through some of the darkest moments of my life alone. This isn’t a jab at my friends, but I had no idea how much I needed to be alone. I needed to depend on me and only me. I had to be isolated. I didn’t need anyone to try to sugarcoat the reality of me at a fork in the road. I couldn’t afford to fallback into the same pattern of things. Truth is some of the closest people to you will stunt your growth because they don’t want to see you grow, because what happens when they outgrow you? So they plant seeds by telling you it’s everybody else and not you. So while you stay stagnant, they grow, and eventually they’re the ones that outgrow you ! I thought I was abandoned. Friends that I thought I could lean on, I realized quickly, they were not my friends. Friends I had for years were now acquaintances. I was alone. But in those moments, I found me. I had the tough conversations about my own toxic, negative behavior, and in those moments I became a better version of myself. And now I’ve met me again. I’ve been able to meet people,and let my own guard down, who really do care about little ole me. I’ve rekindled friendships that I hindered, some hindered me. But all-in-all, I’m grateful.

4. The power of no. I give great advice. Like really good, but I don’t always listen to my own, but I do give it. I had to learn to say no. This year I felt so drained, until I started saying no. I really do think it means something when someone calls when they could of called anybody. But in the same breath, can you call them? Because of that little revelation I’ll tell someone in a heartbeat now, HELL NO ! Lol but serious when I’m not in a good head space, I tell people I’m sorry, I can’t today, we’ll have to talk about it later. I’m not losing my own sanity so you can process through yours. I’m not caring the weight of your burdens so I can weigh my own self down. I can’t. I won’t. Stress literally triggers so many physical responses that I literally started dealing with my anxiety again. Like can’t breath, gotta take a walk or a drive because I’m so overwhelmed, overstimulated. So I learned to say no. The attitudes will catch you off guard initially, but the freedom of ‘no’ goes a long way. My phone LIVES on DND 🤧 because I’m allowed to be selfish with my time. I’m allowed to not want to hear bad news. My spirit feels lighter. My mind stop racing, I was able to rest, all because I learned the power of no. I’m grateful.

5. Silence is golden. My mother used to tell me all the time that just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean you have to be the spokesperson. Earlier in the year I defended someone who I truly do care about. Ch...I got called everything but a child of God after I did it lol. It doesn’t matter what was actually said, because of my personality anything I say or do is always dragged to the 10th degree. So by the time I read through texts and phone calls, I was, yet again, the wrong one. But the situation taught me that because people already have so many preconceived notions about who and what we are anyway, why waste my time, energy and breath. Learning to silence myself and let things be what they’ll be has truly been a journey. I internalize a lot. Like a lot. I genuinely like to be liked by people. But this year I learned those committed to misunderstanding you will always do just that. I may do some off the wall stuff but my heart is pure. I’ve helped people who have slandered my name and I never told a soul what they did to me, and never will. As sure as I’m writing this blog, it’ll come out. It always does. But I what I have to learn to do is not allow someone to pull that type of behavior out of me. I even started going back to therapy because of it. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m grateful.

6. It’s okay to be mad, just don’t stay mad. I’ve spent so much of my life bitter. Truth is I wasn’t over so many of the things that were done to me and instead of telling someone I let it turn me bitter. I was angry. I was hurting. I saw so many of my peers have people to lean on and mentor them through the processes and then there was me....I hated it. I still felt like a 6 year old little girl some days. As a child, I was talked about like I was grown. So once I got older, I learned to snap back 10x harder to ensure the disrespect would never occur again. You hurt my feelings? Cool, I’ll demolish yours. 🤷🏽‍♀️ But at 28 who tf wants to live like that? I wasn’t raised like that. It was draining. Then people looked at me to be the bitter one. You know the “jokes” they tell but in all actuality it’s the shade they don’t want to say flat out. It was my narrative. I was sick of it. Letting that fester....it ate at me. I had to give it to God. I always desired to be like everybody else until God touched my heart. It’s a process, but I’m better ! He’s healing me. Working on me. Allowing me the unique opportunity to grow through my own issues has allowed me to give grace to others for theirs. I’m grateful.

7. I’m sorry. I’m ending the blog with 7 points because this one is the most important. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own mistakes. Having the courage to embrace my own shortcomings. I apologize to those I ridiculed, betrayed, lied to, beat up 🥴, humiliated, embarrassed and disrespected. I know this doesn’t excuse the offense, but from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. In my own disappointments and insecurities I took it out on you, and that you didn’t deserve. Learning to swallow your own pride makes room for the blessings you let pass you by, because your heart wasn’t in the right place. My heart is healing and I literally squirm thinking about some of my past behaviors. At the time, I meant every bit of it, because I was operating from a hurt place. I never gave myself an apology for the person I was trying to survive. I’m trying. Learning to not allow what happened to me, consume me. Forgiving myself for every mistake. Owning who I am and who I am called to be. I don’t want to turn 40 and then start living life 😕 I want to do it now. But I couldn’t get to it because I was my own stumbling block. God has a funny way of humbling you, but what he will do is just that, humble you ! And because of that humility, I can now let some light in I know how wrong I was, but the glory is...it’s a process...but I’m grateful.

I made sure to end every point with ‘I’m grateful’ because I truly am grateful. I’m grateful for it all. The good. The bad. The ugly. I’m grateful. Why? Because I’m still here, so that means it didn’t kill me. It could of, but it didn’t ! This year, this decade....taught me so much. My goodness my 20s taught me some things okay lol but I thank God for the grace He gave me to try to get it right. I’m ready for Scene 29 and I am beyond ready to see what 2020 has to offer ! I deserve it ! Be grateful !

[seraphic-sapphic-safehaven]

Are you engaged or have you gotten married already? Because in your blog description it says you’re engaged, but in a post is says you’re married. Maybe I just read it wrong. Well, if you are married, please share the details of the wedding! Also, How exactly would you choose (for lack of a better word) if you’re pan or bi. Because even though they’re not the same, they are similar and can get confusing. The thing is, I’m also ace, so it’s very hard for me to figure out romantic feelings

Whoa, this is a lot lmao. Uhh… okay, to start, yes, I’m engaged. We’ve been engaged since June 24th of 2015, four months after we started dating. The queers move fast lmao. I just say “wife” because 1) it’s easier than saying fiancée and 2) if I say wife, people don’t assume I’m with a man. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said “my fiancée” to someone and they asked questions like “What’s HIS name?” or “Who is HE?” or “What’s HE like?” It happens when my wife talks about me to other people as well, and it pisses us both tf off. Cisheteronormativity is so fucking tiring. But yeah, sorry, but I don’t have any wedding details lol. If you want to read our engagement story, though, here’s a link! (x)

I can’t tell you how to decide if you’re pan or bi. I came out as bi, but once I learned about pan, I felt like it fit me better. Bi means “attraction to two or more genders,” while pan means “attraction to all genders and/or attraction regardless of gender.” So the main differences are that 1) pan ALWAYS means attraction to ALL genders, while bi CAN be attraction to all genders, and 2) pan can be attraction regardless of gender. So I would pick whichever one you feel sounds better for how you experience attraction. But please also remember that you don’t need to label yourself, and you can always choose umbrella labels like “queer” or “mspec” if you can’t decide if you’re pan or bi.

I’m not ace, so I can’t personally relate to how you’re feeling in that sense. But I do know what it’s like to have a hard time figuring out your romantic feelings. For a while, I questioned if I was pan or a lesbian or both (panromantic lesbian). I couldn’t figure out my feelings for men. I finally realized that I DO like men romantically and sexually, but my negative experiences with men were affecting my perception of my attraction to them. Sexuality can be incredibly complicated and incredibly difficult to navigate. Don’t feel bad if you can’t figure it out now or ever; there’s no rush. Just be you, date who you want, have fun, and live your life. Try not to worry too much about your orientation. Identity is important, yes, but please don’t stress yourself out about it. And please don’t hesitate to send more asks or send me DMs if you want to talk more about this or if you need anything else! 💕

[thefirstcourtesan]

Hopefully it's not too late for a zombie apocalypse ask! Alright, so you've been called to Montana to take care of some business and are staying with friends. While in Montana, the zombie virus starts infecting people. You're safe where you are, though. Bad news: you break leg and can't go back home. However, you can select a group of five Choices characters to go on a rescue mission, retrieve your family, and bring them to you. Who do you trust with your family's life and why?

Ok, the reason this took me so long was I was trying to figure out the inclusion of supernatural characters. So I decided to give two answers. One for a world that includes the magical/otherworldly books and the other is made of mere mortals. I also had to consider the history books and then decided that was worth a 3rd team. I am definitely am over thinker 😂

Team 1- Supernaturals

So this is the world that includes otherworldly beings and magic users, who would I trust my family too? Jax, Griffin, Cal, Atlas, and Nik. This might seem like an odd combination but there are some solid fighters in this group and some incredibly loyal and protective personalities. This is a group who would fight to the death to protect the people they care about. As much as I love Beckett, I picked Griffin as my second magic user because I felt like Earth magic could come in handy navigating the terrain and also because I feel like Griffin is probably better with children 😂

Team 2- Historical (and historical fantasy figures)

So this includes the casts of D&D, TC&TF, and ACOR. My team would include Kenna, Diavolos, Annabelle Parsons, Marc Antony and Syphax. I considered Dom, but my reasonings would be dragon 😆 and that would go better with team #1. Why this combination? Becuase they are all bad ass and could fight their way through any foe (have you seen Annabelle shoot?). No zombie would stand a chance against this team.

Team 3- mere mortals

Now who would I have to choose if I was restricted to average humans? This one requires thought. The first name was easy, I would put my family in the hands of Olivia Vanderwell Neverakis in a heartbeat. But what about the other four? After much thought my team would be Olivia, Bryce, Sawyer, Hana, and Damien (I know PM is a robot book but he is human so I am putting him here). Why this team? We all know how formidable Olivia is. Bryce is there for his medical knowledge and surgical skills, which is one of the reasons I picked him over Ethan, the other being his temperament and I feel like he would be better with kids. Sawyer is a Montana native and knows the terrain. Hana is just so prepared and adapts so easily and I also think she is very nurturing and I would happily put my babies in her care. And Damien is a good choice for human muscle, with all the skills he learned during his time as a police office and with Interpol.

So there are my teams. Thanks so much for the ask @lady-kato it was fun.

[sophygurl]

Did my what’s coming up on TV quarterly-ish organizational project and re-did my shows I watch page. Figured it would be a good time to make an update post on my media consumption of late.

I’m still embroiled in the Big Brother season. It’s been a pretty terrible season truth be told, and I’d have noped out except for there being one houseguest left in there that I adore and want to support, and of course the fan community I have (a chat room I’ve been in for a decade now and also a twitter list of fans, update sites, and BB alum I enjoy interacting with). We’ve still got a ways to go, and I am not watching the live feeds much this season, but still watching the shows (mostly to chat with my friends about) and keeping up with the feeds via twitter to see what’s happening and watching the few small clips of that one hg i still enjoy. 

It’s an interesting thing when being part of a fandom starts to feel like a chore. Like, yes, you do this for entertainment purposes and could stop at any point when it stops being fun for you - but you do also create a community around you and half the fun is that community interaction and it’s harder to let go of that. Because you can’t generally pack that whole community up and take them to another show or experience with you. 

Another fan experience that was a let-down this summer was Veronica Mars. I won’t post any spoilers in case there is anyone out there yet who wants to watch S4 unspoiled and has yet to find out what happened, but suffice to say I am not pleased. 

I did enjoy most of the series right up until the ending. I know a lot of people are upset about other things that happened, but I can defend or at least explain most of that based on what the show and the characters have always been. But that ending. Wow. I am still recovering. And not at all interested in a season 5 or really anything else that Rob Thomas might want to work on in the future. He’s really ruined any fan goodwill he had in my eyes. 

Other TV shows I’ve been enjoying this summer: 

The 100 delivered another fascinating season. I know the show is problematic in a number of ways, but it still has such wonderful characters with incredible arcs of growth and struggle and learning to overcome together. The plots get wilder and wilder, but whatever, I’m along for the ride. 

Agents of Shield was ... interesting. I don’t even know what to say about it anymore, tbh.

American Princess on Lifetime was a surprisingly fun new show - a NY socialite runs off on her wedding day and ends up at a Ren Faire, where she meets new friends and decides to stay and create a new life for herself. It’s charming, sweet, romantic, funny, and fun for any found family fans. 

BH90210′s pilot episode cracked me tf up. I kind of can’t believe the cast is going along with this satirical version of playing themselves trying to get a reboot of the original show going. It’s soapy and campy and so delightfully weird, while also being nostalgic. Can’t wait to see what they do with it. (Also I miss Luke Perry enormously)

Elementary has one episode left and I will be very sad when the story is complete, but happy for everyone involved for having been part of such a unique spin on Sherlock Holmes in such a successful way.

Euphoria season one was an intense emotional process, watching teens and their families struggle with addiction, violence, abusive relationships, sexual discoveries, gender navigation, mental illness, and so much more. Also just a visually stunning show. 

Grand Hotel is a fun soapy new show that I am enjoying very much. Classic soap tropes, a largely Latinx cast, a lesbian main character, and lots of eye candy.

Jane the Virgin put out a wonderful final season and series finale. I laughed. I cried. I was very satisfied. 

Killjoys has started up it’s final season. I’m loving it, but I also wanna cling to it and scream “no! don’t go!” 

Pandora is a new show on the CW, which is interesting. Futuristic space academy featuring a clone, a mind reader, an augmented human, an alien from a planet we were recently at war with, and Pandora herself who has some kinda mystery surrounding her and the recent death of her parents. Lots of political intrigue and conspiracy, with episodic plots that the young adults uncover together each week, and just about every sci-fi trope you could think of being covered. 

Trinkets on Netflix was a cute lil show about teenage girls in a shoplifting support group. It was a really genuine look at the highs and lows of female friendship at that age. 

In other TV watching news, I finally got all of the Northern Exposure DVDs and am doing a long-awaited re-watch of my all-time favorite show. I’m on the second season. 

In addition to completing that DVD collection, I also completed collecting all of the Realm of the Eldering books (yay birthday money!) and am doing my re-read of those. It’s going to take me a long time, because my re-reading gets done while attempting to fall asleep and also when I wake up trying to get back to sleep, so depending on how the insomnia is going, it could be anywhere from a couple of paragraphs to maybe 50 pages tops per night and RotE is a looooot of books. I’m still on the first novel now. 

That also means, I am taking a little break from my otherwise-continual Raven Cycle re-reading lol. 

Other stuff I’ve been reading - started the Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire, finished Tamora Pierce’s Emelan series (although I think she’s writing one more of those yet), and got caught up on Patricia Brigg’s Mercyverse series. Then, since I’m caught up on all the series I’m reading (other than Wayward Children since I just started it), I went and put a crapton of new books on my library hold list - some of which are the first books in series themselves. So here we go! 

And of course, I’ve been playing lots of Sims. Love love loving the Island Living expansion pack. The mermaids are so much fun, as is swimming and boating in the ocean, other beach activities, and just living in a more communal setting (people show up to help put out fires, bring food over randomly, fix things that are broken, etc.). I definitely won’t tire of the stuff in this pack before the next new pack comes out, which I imagine will be sometime late this fall or early winter, if they go according to the usual schedule. 

Guess that’s all for now. Might do some more specific VMars meta at some point, once I get my thoughts and feelings more collected. IDK. This post is so all over the place I’m not sure if I’m gonna tag it with any specific fandom or media. 

[gay-saltasaurus]

Ok, here's my review/analysis of Death Stranding. Full thoughts in the read more, but tldr:

Death Stranding is an amazing game. There is nothing else like it. It's complex, and the story will probably make your brain hurt a little, but its fascinating. This game is SUPER not for everyone. Some people hate it, and I understand why. How you play the game is entirely up to you, and what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. Its incredibly well made, and I highly recommend it.

That was probably a bit long for a tldr, but if you opened the read more you brought this on yourself.

Context

First, a bit of context. Death Stranding was my first Kojima game. I knew of his reputation and admired his values as a game designer, but Metal Gear just didn't seem like my thing. I just saw the promotional images and stuff for DS (particularly that one of the five black figures in the sky) and was just overwhelmed with curiosity and WTF IS THIS GAME. I forgot about it for a while, then it came out, I watched maybe an hour of a let's play and read a few spoiler free customer reviews. I don't think I've ever seen reviews so divided. I saw maybe one review that gave a middle score. But the let's play showed some interesting concepts and a really strong atmosphere, so I was on board. I haven't looked at any reviews since finishing the game, so I might add to this post later to address those points. (Nevermind that will need to be separate because I am a long winded bitch)

Gameplay

Death Stranding's gameplay probably isn't for everyone. If you're looking for something fast paced or something you don't have to think that hard about, or if menu screens really bother you, this might not be for you. That being said, there is something here for everyone. There's strategy, stealth, action, exploration, ect. Like any good open world game, you create your own experience. You can go take on MULES, make deliveries to side characters to learn more about them and the world, or just go straight to your destination as fast as possible. Do you want to deal with MULEs with stealth, violence, or avoiding them altogether? Do you want to make deliveries by foot and deal with balance, or use a vehicle and deal with rough terrain and cliffs? The game allows pretty much any play style, all of them carefully balanced so that none are inherently better than the others.

One part of the gameplay that might set a few people off is the amount of menus. There are a lot of them, and navigating them is not always the most intuitive. However, they are important to the gameplay, and they are pretty useful once you get used to them. Since my brain is more of a pinball machine than a coherent train of thought, automatically going through multiple menus when taking on a delivery saved me having to go back to the terminal 8 times because I forgot something. I also love the map and being able to see the route I plotted so I don't have to constantly check the map because my pinball brain can't remember where tf I'm going. It also leaves me free to process the story and enjoy the atmosphere.

The balance mechanic might also seem tedious at first, but it seems like it's partially an alternative to the weight/speed system most games use. Excessive cargo slows you down, but balance becomes an issue long before speed does. Personally I really prefer this to the agonizing slow motion crawl that most games use, since in theory you can still carry an excessive amount of cargo, you just have to be good at balancing it. It adds to the realism and challenge to parts of the game that might otherwise feel like a walking sim. It can also look really fucking silly and I love that.

Story

Sweet baby Jesus, this story is a lot. Its complicated af, with a lot of big ideas that can make it difficult to understand. The long quiet traveling segments come in handy here, as they give the player time to process the latest chunk of exposition. This is a story that requires a lot of exposition and long cutscenes, but if you really aren't into that they're all skippable, and you can still see where to go next, but obviously this game isn't really for anyone who's that impatient.

Personally, I'd say the story is pretty good. It's not perfect, but I feel like it's not quite the focus of the game (more on that later), so it doesn't really need to be. The performances are fantastic, and Reedus adds a lot of personality and depth to Sam that would otherwise need to be shown through even more dialog. As someone who's spent years studying storytelling, I'm always relieved to find a story where I have no idea where it's going because the narrative structure is so weird. There are plenty of major twists, but they're set up ahead of time. Everytime I thought "Wait that doesn't add up" Death Stranding would later say "You're right! It doesnt!" And that's wonderful.

Worldbuilding

The worldbuilding here is some of the best I've seen in a game. There is SO. MUCH. DETAIL. Everything feels well thought out, you can tell that the developers spent a lot of time just working out how society would function in this situation. And a lot of it is based on actual science to the extent that you can tell that some of the people involved here had hyperfixation level interest in some pretty advanced topics. The science here is used in a way that shows a level of actual understanding, instead of the usual "I saw an article once that said we don't use 100% of our brains. I didn't read past the headline, but here have some fancy science words." As someone who frequently hyperfixates on random science enough to see through shitty/nonexistent research, I can't possibly express how exiting this is. I'm by no means an expert on quantum mechanics or whatever, but I can tell that someone here did at least some actual research. And of course, as other people have pointed out, the discussion of the effects of isolation in this world have been shown to be pretty damn accurate in light of recent events.

Themes

OK HERE WE GO HERES THE BIG ONE. Like I said, I feel like the focus of Death Stranding isn't on its story, but on its theme of connection. Every other element of the game comes together to support that central experience. You are reconnecting a world that is overwhelmingly isolated. You are traveling through a vast, empty landscape, completely alone (except for BB). As you reconnect each region, the landscape becomes less empty as you're connected to other players. You are aware that you're working together with other people, even if you never see them, just like the preppers and other people you're connecting. Characters continue to send you emails, reminding you of the connections you've made and showing how your actions are slowly making the world a little less apocalyptic. Shoutout to the guy at the 1st waystation, who slowly got better at going outside. I don't remember his name, but I'm proud of him.

Death Stranding is a prime example of a hopepunk game. Despite its somewhat melancholy atmosphere, ongoing apocalypse, occasionally harrowing gameplay (that fucking mountain), moments of horror, and the constant presence of death, it is aggressively optimistic. All the Bridges characters are so positive, and the way they talk about the chiral network makes it sound almost too good to be true. And even when the dark secrets of Bridges and the network are revealed, it doesn't take away the positive impact. It's not one of those twists where everything was a lie and fuck you for trusting it, because you've seen the network save lives. The world in DS is FUCKED. It has been for years, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

If you actually made it this far, congratulations and thank you.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Bear Symbolism - Master Post

Good morning! So a few weeks ago, @wdway found a bunch of bear stuff to add to the Bear Symbolism Theory. Click on that link to go read the one I posted last season. I knew I wanted to post what she found, but as I read through everything, I knew I’d have to make a master post and include all the bear instances we’ve seen before. Here are all the instances we’ve noticed of the bear symbolism. (As always, if I’m missing any, feel free to let me know and I’ll add them. ;D)

1. 4x03 – When Carl and Hershel leave the prison to gather berries for Hershel’s tea to help the sick, they see a female walker with her leg in a bear trap.

Remember this is the same episode where we see the picture behind Hershel that says, “Smooth seas do not make good sailors.”

This is also important because TD-ers discovered years ago that there was supposed to be a Beth figurine sold with a bear trap accessory. The figurine was never sold that way, and I don’t think we know why, but it was considered as an idea and then scrapped.

(Creds to the original reporters of this. BGIHU, I believe. Unfortunately the account is locked and I cannot reference a URL to the original post.)

I also think it’s important to note that the small game trap Beth stepped on in Alone is very similar to a bear trap. It’s obviously much smaller, and didn’t do nearly as much damage, but the concept is the same, as though it may foreshadow something bigger in the future.

2. 5x03 - Gareth, talking to Bob at the school in 5x03, gives a speech about bears. He says, ““You know, bears…when they start to starve, they eat their young. If the bear dies, the cub dies anyway. But if the bear lives, it can always have another cub.”

It’s the Termites’ way of justifying cannibalism and ties the bear symbolism to Terminus. I can’t help but notice it’s also about children (the cub).

3. You could argue we saw some oblique bear symbolism in S4. Beth’s D.C. spoon could represent the Little Dipper, which is part of Ursa Minor (“the small bear”). And of course she steps in the small game trap in Alone.

4.  5x06 - We catch the barest glimpse of a bear in the domestic abuse shelter Daryl and Carol stay in. 

There is plenty of other interesting symbolism in this room, including a quote about apple trees, pink lamp shades, etc, We also see a stuffed animal tiger. The tiger foreshadows Shiva, and is therefore meant for Carol’s arc. She sleeps on the top bunk where the tiger lays. That would suggest, by default, that the brown bear is about Daryl.

5. 6x10 - Carl tells Judith about the North Star and using it to find one’s way home. (North star is part of the Great Bear constellation.) The Great Bear and Small Bear constellations also have ties to owls, the horse theory, and possibly the deer symbol.

6. Also in S6, the Skybound account posted a modified poster from the film, Revenant with Norman’s face on it. Not only is this film about a man left for dead who then survives and, after a long arduous journey returns to his family, but his “death” or near death was caused by a grizzly bear attack.

7. In season 7, we have the bear Rachel and Cyndie find at Oceanside. It’s been washed in on the tide (much like Tara) and survived a stormy sea. It washes in with the sunrise.

8. 7x12 - We see bears hanging at the carnival Richonne go to.

9.The picture on Judith’s wall. We all spent a lot of last season trying to figure out what it was. It kinda looks like a bear, kinda like a dog, kinda like a horse or pig. Well, any of those would work for our purposes, since they’ve all been used as symbols in the show. There is a breed of dog in Russia that’s often called a Dog Bear. That’s because its face looks like a bear cub but it has the body of a dog. It really is a breed of dog, though. Anyway, that’s what we’re guessing this picture is of. It would combine the bear symbolism with the recurring symbolism of Sirius, the dog star.

10.   Finally, @wdway noticed this in S8. Right before Michonne heads out in this scene, she gives Judith a kiss. 

There are other Beth symbols in this scene, but notice what Judith is playing with. It’s a bear with blond hair. She’s playing with a little Beth bear! (And sitting next to some water, I might add.)

11.   While this isn’t specifically seen in the show, we should also consider the Goldilocks and the Three Bears template. It’s a perfect rule of threes template, and then there are bears and a girl with blond hair. Just saying.

So what does all this mean? What’s up with the bear symbolism? Well, in short, I do believe the bear = Beth. But let’s do a little bit deeper analysis than that. @wdway pointed out that bears hibernate. They disappear, sleep for months at a time, and then wake up again. It really is a great symbol for Beth because of that, and might be the reason the writers chose it to begin with. I’ve even used the word “hibernation” a lot to describe Beth being shot and her vitals becoming unreadable.

The walker in 4×03 had a bear trap around its leg. AMC nearly put out a Beth figurine that included bear trap. That's pretty good proof that the walker in this scene represents Beth.

I've said many times that, where Carl is concerned, this scene foreshadows his death by walker bite. That's mostly because we see a Jim walker in the scene, and Jim in S1, also died from walker bite. So my biggest take away from this has always been that Beth (the walker with the bear trap on its leg) will show up only after Carl dies from the walker bite. That should be any episode now, and the bear symbolism, whatever it means, should show up with her.

Gareth talking about the bear ties bear symbolism to terminus. We’ve thought for a long time that Beth would end up at Terminus. There’s a lot of evidence she will: cop cars at Terminus (Grady symbol), signature items that TF carried left there (Daryl’s poncho, the riot gear), and Beth got a Terminus poster in 4B (why give her a poster if she was never going to end up there?) So this is yet more evidence that Beth will be tied to Terminus somehow. If the bear symbolism = Beth and the bear is tied to Terminus, then Beth must also be tied to Terminus.

I don’t have a whole lot more to say about the S4 symbolism, except that it's all tied together. The small game trap could foreshadow the bigger bear trap later on. The D.C. spoon obviously represents her finding her way to D.C. If she navigates by the stars, as Carl suggests, and the stars are part of a constellation called the greater or lesser bear, it suggests the bear symbolism will also have something to do with how she gets to D.C. I'll come back to that.

Consumed, was two episodes before Coda, where Beth was shot. So the bear might show that we’re about to see the beginning of the arc the bear is linked to. After all, Carol and Daryl were searching for Beth in this episode.

The Revenant poster may be the most interesting example. Let's go over the plot of the movie again. Hugh Glass is attacked by a bear and then left for dead. I know in the real life account (just search Wikipedia for Hugh Glass) his buddies left him before he died. He was hurt so badly, they assumed he'd be dead in a few hours, and were going to stay with him, hold his hand until he passed, and then bury him. But then they were attacked by enemies and had to run or die. Later, Glass woke up and dragged himself over 200 miles to get back to his camp.

If you think about it, this matches what we think happened with Beth. Glass’s friends were gonna wait for him to die and then bury him. TF thought Beth was dead. We believe they probably tried to bury her. We think they ran into a horde of walkers (enemies). They had to leave her and run or else they would've died too. So the parallels are very strong there.

If we look at the role the bear played in the film, it would seem the bear symbolism has something to do with why Beth was shot and subsequently left behind. The bear in the film is the thing that inflicted Glass’s wounds, which is what made everyone think he was dead. We still don’t know where the bullet came from, but it wasn't from Dawn's gun.

Another thing to consider about this poster is that Daryl, not Beth, is on it. That could be because Beth was already supposedly dead in S6 and putting her on a poster about things coming back from the dead would be way too obvious. There's a few ways we can look at this.

1)    Daryl represents Beth. Because they couldn't put her on the poster, they put him on it. It might represent Beth, or both of them, since the arcs are so entwined.

2)    Daryl represents himself. While Beth seems to have died physically, Daryl died emotionally. I remember this poster came out right around 6x06. It was part of the reason we thought maybe Beth would return in 6x06. (I did a whole post about it.)

In my group, we’ve discussed that the reason 6x06 is so full Beth symbolism is it's the episode where Daryl completely lost the faith Beth instilled in him. Daryl did die emotionally when he lost her in S5, but we saw him recruiting with Aaron in 5B and trying to convince Rick that they still needed to look for good people in 6x01. He was trying to honor her and live the truth that she taught him. 

In 6x06, while he was trying to help “good people,” Sherry and Dwight screwed him over. It was the final straw that made him let go of what Beth taught him.That would explain a lot of the symbolism in the episode, including the Cherokee Rose. So this poster may have been to show that this was the final nail in Daryl's emotional coffin, but eventually he would return from that emotional death. Well, as of S8, we haven’t seen him return from it. If this is what they were going for, it has yet to happen.

Next, we have the bear in 7x06 with Cyndie and Rachel. This is one of the main reasons I believe the bear = Beth. It was washed in from the ocean and given all the water symbolism around Beth, it’s pretty compelling. I think Tara was 100% a proxy and foreshadow Beth and this episode, and she was washed on the tide. This could be literal (Beth will wash in with the tide as Tara did) or more symbolic. She will come in with the tide (symbolically Oceanside) right at dawn (the beginning of the new arc).

Cyndie suggests they use Sage and Lavender on the bear to improve its condition. @wdway points out those things are used for spiritual healing and have antiseptic, preservative properties.

Then there are the bears in 7x12 with Richonne. The biggest Beth symbolism in this episode is Rick’s death fake out. It looked like the walkers got him, but he escaped. There was yellow involved. There is also a deer in this episode. The deer died, so Rick lived. Given the dead deer we saw in 5x10, that's obviously a Beth thing. So the interesting thing about these carnival bears is:

1. On the foot of this one we see two entwined hearts. I totally think that could represent Richonne, as this episode was totally about two people becoming one (there was plenty of talk about their symbolic marriage in this episode). But I also think that it represents all the soul mate relationships on the show, including Bethyl.

2. The bears are shown right before the death fake out scene. Like, we literally see Richonne running toward the Ferris wheel and past these bears, and in the NEXT scene, Rick’s death fake out happens. So these two things (bears and death fake outs) are definitely related.

And how about Judith? The fact that we have her playing with the bear and there's been a lot of child symbolism around Beth, and she sitting next to water are all very interesting. These are all symbols we seen a lot. @wdway even pointed out there's a tunnel with a water outlet right next to her (Tunnel symbolism).

So what's my wacky theory? It’s more like a series of wacky thoughts. If the bear symbolism represents something that has to do with why Beth was left behind, and it has ties to Terminus, and maybe something about Terminus and its ties to Grady have to do with how Beth got shot.

Gareth talking about a bear and its cub was especially intriguing to me. A cub is the offspring of the bear, so we have child symbolism in that and there's been a lot of child and baby symbolism around Beth. Many people have theorized since S6 that perhaps at some point Judith will be in trouble and Beth will have to save her. As time goes on, especially this season, we’ve wondered if it won’t be Judith, but rather Gracie.

Either way, Gareth’s story justified the parent eating a child to stay alive, because the parent can always have another child. So I'm wondering if Beth will be at Terminus and will end up saving a child that maybe they were going to eat? Could that be Gracie? I don't know.

All the star and constellation stuff suggests that something about the bear symbolism will help Beth get to D.C. I said before that I think she's arriving with the Wolves. I've also said the Wolves could be the people who take down Grady. Remember Gimple also confirmed that Crazy Tattoo Guy (one of the people who took over Terminus) would be tied to a bigger group of bad guys. That could be the Saviors, but it could also be the Wolves. I could put this together one of fifty ways, but it’s all conjecture until we know more.

What it comes down to is that Beth, Terminus, possibly the Wolves, and the bear symbolism all part of one circle of events. These events stretch back to S5. Because of the Sasha/Tyreese theory, I think whatever Sasha and Gabriel were talking about in 5x16, goes back not just back to Coda and the missing 17 days, but probably back to Terminus. I think there were a lot of things we didn't see in S5.

Bottom line: Whatever the bear symbolism represents, it should be arriving with Beth any episode now. I’m excited to see how it all pans out and I’ll be on the look for more bear symbolism as we go along.

P.S. Minor Spoilers: In episode 8x11, Dr. Carson supposedly gets caught in a bear trap. Hmmm.

Can anyone think of any bear symbolism I missed?

[wincore]

hi miss moon! sorry it’s been so long, life has definitely gotten in the way a bit. i actually had a showcase the other day, so between rehearsals and practices i was swamped, and practically sleeping at the rink lmao. i have a few more finals next week and then I’m out for the summer! which is both exciting & daunting at the same time, i actually really love life on campus :( but the good thing is a lot of us from the hockey team and figure skating team are staying in the area for a multitude of reasons so I’m lucky enough to be able to spend summer in my new favorite city with my friends and a certain special someone...

which brings me to my next update; my boyfriend (!!!). I thought a lot about what you said, and what my best friend chimed in, and thought i should just be myself. which in this case meant asking him up front if there was a specific reason he wanted to put a label on it, etc. and while I’ve never been in an actual relationship before (plz don’t clown me ik🙄) i felt that i would still be able to gauge his intentions based on his response. (besides, i had a fruit slush bubble tea and moon’s advice; what could go wrong?)

well, actually, i started crying in his dorm room lol. but before you go all big sis energy 😡😡 let me explain 😭 so i asked if he wanted to get like boba after practice at the rink and he said yea, so we got boba and then we just started idly chatting but he had a finals paper to work on so he asked if i wanted to come back to his dorm room to chill. & again, let me preface by saying I’ve been to his dorm room before to play halo w him or when we’ve watched movies, so this isn’t his devilish man ploy to get in my pants, trust me moon, i would know✋😔 ANYWHO i was just up front about it when we got to his place and kind of just asked him if there was like a specific reason he wanted to be able to call me his gf yadda yadda the works. and get this. he said that a few different girls had approached him lately asking to hang out/hookup whatever, but he wasn’t interested because he was with me in whatever capacity our relationship was, but he wanted to ask me if i was ok being called his gf so he could tell other girls that he has a girlfriend because he only has eyes for me. but he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable so he wanted to ask me first before he started telling other ppl we were exclusive 😭 idfk if i explained that in a way that makes sense but SHEESH i started getting so emotional and crying because i didn’t know men could have thoughts like this??? and actually consider a girls feelings??? so long story short i said yes and he had the cutest smile ever and then we spent the night watching avengers endgame before he called me an uber home. now i swore i would not be caught dead saying that i cherish and respect a man, but hot damn if this hockey player isn’t growing on me...🥲

and finally, i saw your post about your adhd diagnosis. if it brings you any comfort i actually have a mild ocd diagnosis :) it manifested itself after starting ice skating so young and being pressured to have everything a certain way all the time, and that kind of just bled into the way i organized my life outside the rink. I’m on some pretty low dose meds for it now just to help me navigate school & life a bit easier, but i totally get it! getting a diagnosis can be unsettling because before then it was just a what if in your head. i try to tell myself that a diagnosis isn’t even that big of a deal, I’m still the same person i was before that i am now, except now i know why i sometimes arrange things around my dorm with a ruler so they are all geometrically even lmao. what I’m trying to say is that your diagnosis doesn’t define you! life goes on and whatnot, I’m always here if ya need me miss moon 😉 mwah😽😽🥰

- 🍡

ahahaha it's alright!!!! ive actually been having a pretty overloaded week too with reviews and assignments, not to mention the groveling I have to prepare myself to do to appease grad schools 🥲 i.... do not know when this was sent I'm so sorry 😭😭😭 but I hope your finals went well if they're over ❣️❣️ I'm sure you'd do great !! Also, omg I hope you got some rest too. Being a figure skater sounds fun but also super exhausting 😳

HELLLOOOO???? CONGRATULATIONS???!!? I'm so glad you decided on something so big and went with it 💕💕 also it's ok I've never been in a proper relationship ship before and don't plan to at this point 🤠👍 I will never love a man the way I love myself but it makes me feel so giddy and warm to see other people in love!!! does that make sense?? I don't rlly want it for myself (except just to experience it LOL) but listening to you (and your bf's hehe) story.... YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE !!!!!! WTH. congratulations on getting yourself a proper man 😡💘 (omg fruit slush bubble tea is the best, it brings me campus memories)

JDHDJFKK when you said you started crying in his room, I rlly was about to go big sis energy and beat this bitch up omg 🙂 it doesn't matter if I personally believe in non-violence. ("his devilish man ploy" SHJSDNDN I started laughing so hard) some men do deserve rights methinks also yeah 😭😭 every time a man expresses thoughtfulness irl I get stumped and I rlly shouldn't keep the bar that low but men who have emotional intelligence??? sign me tf up. You snagged a real male specimen there, I'm so happy for you 🤩🤩🤩

And thank you for telling me that!!! I didn't know a lot of people upfront with their diagnoses so it does bring me some comfort to hear that in a way. I'm much better rn since the initial shock (?? Can I call it that??) Has worn off and now I'm just. Ok. This is like this but it's okay. Your words are so nice to hear so thank you so much, mooncake, it really helps 🥺🌼

[lostinthelightss]

literal chaos fire (ch.8)

amazing banner by @downn-in-flames​ / down-in-flames@FFT

find it elsewhere: fft | ao3 | ff.net | hpff learn more: chaos universe link to other chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 link to missing moments: 5.5, 7.5, 8.5, 15.5

pairing: Lily Luna Potter / OC genre: AU, Humor, Romance rating: mature audiences

summary:

Victoire Weasley is a masters student in infectious diseases handling a devastating break up with her girlfriend of two years. Lily Potter is a first year law student navigating a figurative minefield that is the star quarterback’s unrequited affection. Molly Weasley is pursuing her bachelors in engineering while pining over her best friend - who doesn’t seem to realize it.

Three women, three vastly different lives, all coming together with group chats, family dinners, and a whole lot of chaos.

chapter summary:

James [the older twin]: look, i just came out to have a good time James [the older twin]: and honestly im feeling very attacked rn James [the older twin]: also @Fred [the smart dumb one] are you not gonna say anything??

Fred [the smart dumb one]: lol yeah, fuck you james <3

OCTOBER 30TH, 2021

‘literal chaos fire' (psychiclilz, mollydramatic, VickyBaby) 9:39am

VickyBaby: still on for tonight?? VickyBaby: no one will know what hit em when we show up together

psychiclilz: yeah, but after last night i think im going easy on the drinks

VickyBaby: WHAT??? VickyBaby: its halloween eve VickyBaby: last year you called it ‘hoe christmas eve'

psychiclilz: hey i threw up again last night psychiclilz: i need one night off

mollydramatic: urghhh me too mollydramatic: not the vomiting part mollydramatic: the needing a break part, even if i probably wont

VickyBaby: you both went home hella early, wtf happened??

psychiclilz: i got a drive home after puking in the bathroom sink psychiclilz: it went 0-100 real quick

mollydramatic: *YOU* DID THAT???

psychiclilz: SORRY, I THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER THAN THE FLOOR

mollydramatic: THERE WAS A TOILET TWO FEET FROM YOU mollydramatic: ROSE MADE ME UNCLOG THAT

VickyBaby: ew, now im gonna vom

psychiclilz: call it payback for the couple costume

mollydramatic: bitch

psychiclilz: you know u love me

mollydramatic: ... mollydramatic: ugh i do mollydramatic: fine, i forgive you

VickyBaby: anyways, where'd you go last night mollz? VickyBaby: you usually dont tap out that early...

mollydramatic: just wasnt feeling it mollydramatic: oops, rose is calling! mollydramatic: haha, gotta go mollydramatic: talk soon! mollydramatic: see ya! mollydramatic: text me if you need me! mollydramatic: or dont, ill be busy mollydramatic: hahahhhaha

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Lily Potter, Victoire Weasley) 9:52am

Lily: she's acting really squirrely

Victoire: yeah, somethings off Victoire: kind of like you that night flynn picked us up... Victoire: what did happen between you two?

Lily: how am i supposed to remember? Lily: it was like 2 months ago Lily: psssh Lily: wow, like you remember all ur drunk nights Lily: get real vic Lily: you black out like the rest of us

Victoire: neither of you are good at hiding things Victoire: you know that right?

Lily: shut up, this isnt about me Lily: do you think it had to do with the angel girl? Lily: emily? Lily: and why she left early too?

Victoire: emerson Victoire: idk Victoire: if there was a fight over lysander, dont you think we wouldve heard?

Lily: yeah, you would think...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Lily Potter, Scorpius Malfoy) 2:07pm

Scorpius: you guys are still coming over tonight right?

Lily: why, are you planning another costume mix up? Lily: i dont think molly will let go of totally spies, so whatever she said, shes lying

Scorpius: i told you last night i had nothing to do with that Scorpius: you asked me not to get involved between the two of you Scorpius: and i havent

Lily: yeah but rose has

Scorpius: i have no control over rose Scorpius: she makes her own decisions Scorpius: i, however, will do whatever she tells me to

Lily: ur such a sub

Scorpius: hey, dont knock femdom til you try it

Lily: VOM Lily: I DIDNT NEED TO KNOW THAT

Scorpius Malfoy set his nickname to rosie's sub.

Lily: oh my god, i think i might actually have to astral project over there just to slap you Lily: *this* is what you break your nickname rule for??? Lily: THIS???? Lily: VOM

rosie's sub: rose would like me to tell you she knows it was you who puked in the sink

Lily: yeah, molly already gave me the third degree Lily: also she cant be okay with that nickname

rosie's sub: actually im fine with it -rose rosie's sub: he vetoed rosie's peggee -rose

Lily: VOM Lily: UGHHHHHHHH

Lily Potter cleared Scorpius Malfoy's nickname.

Scorpius: i thought it was funny -rose

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘literal chaos fire' (psychiclilz, mollydramatic, VickyBaby) 2:28pm

psychiclilz: Attachment: 2 Images psychiclilz: VOM

mollydramatic: WHY???? mollydramatic: WHYYYYYYYY mollydramatic: I LIVE WITH HER mollydramatic: I SHARE A WALL WITH HER mollydramatic: oh my god, can you faint from traumatic news? mollydramatic: im seriously light headed mollydramatic: if i die from a heart attack this is your fault

psychiclilz: I KNOW!!! psychiclilz: i actually almost threw up again

VickyBaby: ... VickyBaby: i dont think ill ever be able to look either of them in the face again

mollydramatic: and yet, we're expected to be there in like... mollydramatic: 6 hours

psychiclilz: i actually dont know if we should go psychiclilz: oh god what if shes wearing leather as part of her costume tonight psychiclilz: i will actually have a breakdown

VickyBaby: oh god, i actually just retched

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘old fogies' (Fred [the smart dumb one], Lily [ur 15mins older], James [the older twin], Molly [the dumb smart one], Rose [the granger], Vic [the science beb]) 8:38pm

Fred [the smart dumb one]: WOOOOO @Rose [the granger] tell ur bf we are heeeere Fred [the smart dumb one]: let me innn!!! Fred [the smart dumb one]: let me innnnnnnn!!!!!!

James [the older twin]: *shakes gate*

Rose [the granger]: calm down Rose [the granger]: buzz up - 265

Fred [the smart dumb one]: thaaanks rosie

Rose [the granger]: <3

9:14pm 

Vic [the science beb]: SORRY!!! Vic [the science beb]: it took a little longer than we expected Vic [the science beb]: plus there's no parking on scorps street

Rose [the granger]: buzz up - 265 Rose [the granger]: WAIT WHO TF IS DRIVING???

Lily [ur 15mins older]: after last night im taking a night off from drinking, so DD

Rose [the granger]: good, dont throw up in scorps sink

James [the older twin]: THAT WAS YOU???? James [the older twin]: OH MY GOD, THAT IS WEDDING STORY POTENTIAL!!!

Molly [the dumb smart one]: fukc yu james, i cleaned itt up, is my story

Lily [ur 15mins older]: yeah, fuck you james Lily [ur 15mins older]: dont forget i have access to all your baby photos Lily [ur 15mins older]: AND all the photos Fred sends in the group chat

James [the older twin]: look, i just came out to have a good time James [the older twin]: and honestly im feeling very attacked rn James [the older twin]: also @Fred [the smart dumb one] are you not gonna say anything??

Fred [the smart dumb one]: lol yeah, fuck you james <3

[twinflameshardcore]

Waiting for the solar eclipse and playing with gemstones

I’m back and I’m sorry for not writing earlier (and responding your Qs)  but there was nothing to share, I also didn’t sign in and yet I was busy with work here. I was also notified by my higher self that I’ve ‘arrived’ on Earth and I know everything what I should know to calm down, and that I should quit analyzing emotions and bizarre events but focus on my inner integrity, 'feel’ & accept everything what happens on the spiritual level between me and the TF, receive ‘messages’ from the heart to heart just like they happen, and boy, they have been very direct, beautiful and open!

The merging process continues and it’s more and more pleasant. I already can sense my twin in various parts of my body - the chest, kidneys, feet (when I put my toes together it feels as if we kissed!), knees, and specifically the right side of my head (the right brain hemisphere - masculine), the top and the forehead. My remote viewing skill improves, though I still feel like a rookie about it. I’ve experienced the most blissful merging so far when our hearts and brains/minds and chakras glued together. It lasted around 2hrs and felt as if somebody drugged me for a good reason ;) Our connection becomes more physical yet remains on a distance. The brain can’t understand it but it’s like the two distant spaces (and bodies) become one so we exist as if in the same space simultaneously. There’s just more joy of feeling each other lighter and deeper. There’s no more worrying that we have to stay apart, or that we have to communicate in spirit only, yet we have no plans to meet in person again anytime soon. The Universe will push us when it’s our time, and I surrendered to this and been living my life without a former distress. We just continue texting and calling from time to time, but there’s no demand or control issues anymore from my side. This period of time is about ‘who you want to be once you’re re-born, recall what the future version of you prepared for your present self for this timeline’. I’m an amateur artist who loves making practical things so I’m pretty sure this is the right path, but it also needs to pay off.

Recent updates briefly:

- Twin’s still struggling with money so he’s moving to a safer place and looking for a new job which will definitely help him focus on our love finally and figure out what he wants to do next, to give his natural skills some new, useful purpose. Old jobs, old systems don’t work anymore when your vibration increases. If we don’t resonate with something, we send a clear signal - ‘I do not want this, or that person to be a part of me’ and the Universe shifts things to make space in your life for something/somebody better just as you’ve requested. Monitor your thoughts then ;)

- I had two meaningful dreams/ astral experiences: I saw 2 planets overlapping each other in the East/North night sky (static but in the last phase) and a translucent plasma hanging out in the sky at the front of them, frequently pumped with some energy impulses sent from above. A day later I came across a very similar dream/experience shared by Carla Fox on her blog which shocked yet pleased me as it was a pure confirmation that certain people receive it just as it is. Read it here. Then the other dream was about seeing disturbances on a TV screen (like missing pixels) then coming outdoor and seeing a big UFO spaceship with blue lights surrounding its edge and claw-like decorations. It hanged above the roof of a house and made a sound as if of an air conditioner (no such sounds in my house, thus no influence). It covered the entire sky above me, just like in ‘The Independence Day’ movie which I’ve watched over 10 years ago, again no recent influences. They were friendly (I saw no beings, just sensed the entire spaceship) and the overall message was something like: Hello, you’ve done well, we let you see us for a moment so to assure you that we’re real, including things you’ve channeled and galactic races. We’ll’ be back’. I was so happy in the dream, so relieved, that I began clapping while other people ran outdoor to see the spaceship too. It was as if on a parallel Earth because the house was not mine but was placed in my garden, and it has been the 3rd or 4th dream about UFO in all my so far life.

So basically every day brings something new, but sleeping lately is not fun at all. I wake up at night (around 5 am, in recent years I was waking up around 2-3 am) and I’m full awake, not even knowing if I should do anything in spirit or if something is ‘repairing’ me or maybe I already act but in another dimension but I must remain awake and connected with my other ‘version’. There’s certainly some higher purpose for that sleep deprivation, specifically when the mind is not distracted by daily activities, noises etc. yet I can function during the day as if I slept really well.

I’ve been waiting patiently for things to develop on their own because the incoming solar eclipse (02/26) will be in my zodiac (Pisces/Aries, just like, I believe, in 2015) opposing the Moon in Virgo (this position also in my birth chart). The first eclipse this month was in Leo a fire sign and was related to a self-esteem. The next one will be related to becoming one with everything, empathetic, understanding an invisible, just as Pisces naturally do. This passage has a theme of ‘born in fire (masculine), reborn in water (masculine aligned with feminine)’. Leo is “I”. Pisces are ‘AM’ - ascended masters because we’ve an open connection to the Universe, (which is not fun in the 3D world at all, but becomes a major navigational skill in 5D). Thus it’s possible that we may feel as ‘I AM’ this month, ‘I am who I am, and I radiate my being outside’.  This month will also mark my angel’s awakening 1st anniversary (that was on 02/29/2016, the leap day). It’s all leading to something but it’s a mystery again - the Universe likes surprising us when we quit expecting! :)

There’s said to be some big event to happen in April, effecting TFs too. My guess: 4/4, or 4/22 as I’ve been seeing a crazy number of 44s during the last few months. There will be a peak of Lyrid meteors shower on 04/22 - if you’ve studied the galactic races, then you know Lyrans are said to be the oldest in our galaxy (while Draconians are oldest in another galaxy thus we fought). The old war may come to an end finally and we’ll perhaps unite in love ;) My twin may be a feline from Lyra (that would be also a cherub angel, not a guarantee however but I sense him that way) or a Sirian as he’s a highly telepathic & empathetic techie. However, the entire distant past issues interest me less and less as I’ve received what I had to know and it’s only up to the human to accept that knowledge because the brain is a permanent naysayer. I’ve accepted what is my ‘lineage’ and stopped verifying further.

Ascension symptoms: there’s a very strong polarization between energies which Gaia releases and those incoming from the Universe - we transmute these through our bodies. Thighs feel tense, knees may hurt, the back too. Solar plexus and back react to past slavery issues (’I decide who I am and what I want to do, not you’), to all those limitations, blockages imposed by those who didn’t want us evolve and become who we came here to be. US president is a perfect example of a catalyst as he represents the old, hated masculine energy: rude, arrogant, unfair, pushy, unempathetic, selfish etc. Trump’s like a compressor and we’re like ballons in a box, can’t squeeze anymore so we’ll burst, and he’ll and him alike suffer ;) The dying evil energy is looking for ‘donors’, manifesting itself through various events, news, strangers etc. - see a bigger picture, the source of an event, then detach, ignore, or destroy it in spirit. I lately had to spiritually cut some new ‘arm/hose’ which I found attached to my mind delivering some untruth and harmful illusions about my TF (again triggering the ego which was already taught to shut up) - I’ve felt better & fresher in the head since the ‘surgery’.

(Source)

Finally, I returned to one of my old hobbies - collecting gemstones. This time however with a fully conscious purpose as I’ve discovered they ‘speak to me’. I never thought a piece of rock could be that interactive, but I’d denied the awakening, ascension, and many more related things before I experienced them on my own ;) Some have a very direct vibration which I feel, I can read into a stone while touching it (rubbing, scratching, pressing) and 'seeing through’. This may also belong to my newly awakened skills. I mean, I don’t hear any gemstone’s talk ;) It’s more subtle. Like I’ve got a new gemstone, jasper kambaba (tumbled) and my first impression was that this stone scared me, because it was too direct, probing into my soul once touched. Kambaba has traces of algae in them so their surface looks like having a face with eyes often. Then I spent some time holding it, trusting and opening for. A knowing I received was that these stones have a consciousness of, let’s say an Earth djinn, who literately scanned me with its vibration then was willing to be given commands. It’s a protective gemstone, grounding nicely and soothing. It ‘senses’ if I’ve any blockages, weakness in my chakras at the time of scanning, then it ‘seals’ and balances these leakages.

I’ve a few favorite gemstones which I find very useful these days as evil energies try to attach to people to find donors and we need to protect ourselves. These energies are being removed from Gaia one by one but if you allow them to attach, you risk being dragged down into the low vibration and feel really bad, sick, worried, fearful, irritated, disillusional, as they distort the reality. These evil energies will try to separate you from the TF using your brain & logic, so once you’re torn and disintegrated within, you’ll be more available to be a host for such energies. Thus, a black tourmaline (rough, tumbled, or with quartz) is a must-have as it grounds strongly and aligns all chakras, a turquoise (watch for fake, painted gemstones and howlites), galena, jaspers, gypsum (selenite), black onyx (centering emotions), black/snow obsidian (grounding), jet (=gagate) and surely many more which I hadn’t tested yet. I’ve also one favourite which strongly resonates with my crown chakra and that other chakra above - a rough dumortierite gemstone which since the beginning has given me an impression that it’s not originally from Earth but maybe was brought here during some collision, billions of years ago. Very direct vibration opening my head like an arrow! Then sodalite works perfectly with my higher heart chakra. It’s a beautiful blue stone which (when polished) resembles the Earth as seen from above, with its oceans, white surf, clouds and continents. It makes a connection with the twin’s higher heart much easier, just like black/pink rodonite. Carnelian increases my blood pressure which is OK because it’s usually low, but it can be also annoying for the stomach sometime. I also love bloodstones and hematites, tiger’s/hawk’s eyes and citrines. My favourite green gemstone is rough zoisite (especially when watched and felt in a direct sunshine), they usually include rubies too.

I mean every gemstone works differently for individual people. Tumbled/polished gemstones usually generate a softer vibration than rough minerals, and sometime a rough gemstone looks and feels stronger or better than tumbled (crystals should stay rough & sharp, but gemstones for massages should be tumbled). I got an unpolished red jasper but I feel a tumbled one would let me communicate with its energy much deeper so I’m going to get one soon. If some of your chakras are already healthy, balanced and open, then you won’t benefit or even feel a vibration of a highly recommended gemstones, like amethysts. For instance, I’ve no problems with a verbal self-expression, honesty & assertiveness, thus a lapis lazuli or other blue stones don’t resonate with me at all (not every blue stone is for the throat chakra). Amethyst doesn’t do for me either because I’ve the crown chakra open and channeling well. But all other gemstones recommended for bottom chakras (yellow, orange and red), for self-esteem, digestion, root & sacral chakras, the solar plexus, those helping ground my angel here on Earth do their job perfectly :) I’ll be visiting an annual gemstones show next month and I hope to buy a few more, still missing a topaz, sapphire, kyanite, astrophilite, moldavite and a few more to work with but these are sadly expensive. Watch out for charoite though. If you want to but a charoite bead, make sure it looks like a tumbled charoite, because it’s a rare gemstone (only found in Siberia) and there are many fakes on sale.

If you decide to work with gemstones and find your favourite there are a few useful tips: - get that one which calls you, which looks to you more attractive than others, - bigger doesn’t mean better, as little single bead can resonate with you very well. Bigger gemstones are obviously more expensive and are used if you need to clear/protect a large space, the entire house, garden with many energies/people living there etc. - wear it there, where it should be according to how it resonates within your body. Wear a black tourmaline, onyx, obsidian, any other grounding stones around the lower body (in a pocket) but gemstones healing/expending the heart, 3rd eye, crown chakras etc. should be worn or placed on the upper part of the body, - left side is assigned to the feminine energy, right to the masculine, so it also makes sense to hold a gemstone in the proper hand once you feel one of your energies is imbalanced, - try to rub a stone with the edge of your finger (a part/line of skin along the nail and  both sides of the top of a finger), it feels much more joyful as most of nerves are collected there.

The most fun comes when you gather a little collection, understood gemstones meanings and feel their resonance, so then you can group some of them and sense how such a selection makes you feel, if gemstones are happy being together, or not.

One must have a hobby to survive the TF separation, then coming together, merging, alignment, own and his/her energetic imbalances, and all kinds of mysteries involved too ;) My favourite website about gemstones are this and this and this one too.

I’ll look into your Qs soon, patience pls, thanks. Enjoy the eclipse!

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[stlplaybox]

Top 10 Transformers of 2016

What a year 2016 was. However you may feel about the momentous events of the year, there’s one common, resounding sentiment across the Transformers community : 2016 was an amazing year for Transformers.

From official to third party there were many wonderful surprises that catered to the diverse pockets of the fandom. In its anniversary year, we saw Beast Wars get its deserved place in the Masterpiece line. Fans of comic fiction saw characters from the canonical More than Meets the Eye to the War Within receive loving representations in toy form.

Significantly the mainline Transformer toy line Titan Returns built on the momentum of Combiner Wars and elevated our expectations of what could be achieved with mass market deluxe, voyager and leader class figures. Cheap and hollow they may be but the engineering and playability of these releases captivated fans with their fun factor. The Masterpiece line underwent a newfound visual aesthetic that has divided some in the Masterpiece collecting community but no one can deny that Takara continue to engineer the hell out of these toys in a way no third party has come close to.

Even transforming relatives felt the love this year. GoBots received love in the Machine Robo line with 6 visually commanding releases while Diabattles unleashed an epic entry on the transforming toy collector community.

It’s with that tough context that I set out to try and name my top 10 Transformers of the 2016. Never has a limitation felt so unjust that I feel like a Quintesson handing out verdicts from my ivory tower on Quintessa. Firstly, a shout out to toys I failed to open last year. I expect some of you to be really loved in 2017.

Some Honorable Mentions:

Maketoys Pandinus was an event of the year. Unpacking it, beholding it’s beautifully sculpted glory, was nothing short of breathtaking.

Maketoys Striker Manus has yet to depart the coffee table. It’s not just his fun factor that keeps him there but also the freshness that he offers to an increasingly Masterpiece focused fandom.

MMC Impactor has been a long time coming. Perfect in every way except his transformation, he’s been a coffee table regular.

LG Springer was a repaint of one of the all-time great moulds from the Takara / Hasbro stable. It wasn't the last repaint that I derided then loved in 2016.  

In a regular theme of 2016, I underestimated Takara to my own peril. MP Hot Rod delivered cleverness and fun in untold amounts. So sure was I of disappointment that I only ordered one but after one play through, I went crawling back for seconds.

Gravity Builder delivered the perfect Devastator. Great in terms of scale but each and every individual bot was a beauty in their own right. So QC issues and fierce competition keeps it from the top 10 of 2016 but my eyes never stray far from its towering neo-G1 aesthetic.

I’ll have to end that list here otherwise, we’ll be here to 2018.

With its visceral yet heroic form, Vulcan was the culmination of Planet X’s cumulative learnings across their Fall of Cybertron Dinobots. Featuring some of the best implementations of light piping and transluscent plastics combined with awesomely articulated  alt mode and robot mode, the Dinobot leader was a mainstay of coffee table fiddlebots– a quality that proved decisive in this list.  

9. LG Blurr

Hasbro’s version of this wasn’t inspirational. It undermined the quality of the sculpt and engineering because it was so hard to look past that horrible palette of colours. Enter Takara and voila, Blurr blazed into the levels of stardom he deserved. Featuring amazing levels of articulation (wrist swivels!) and nuanced details like the raised crest on his head, you can’t mistake the labour of love poured into this figure. A figure I immediately want in my displays but also one I want on the coffee table, it’s fine affirmation of why I have that unhealthy habit of buying multiple TFs.

8. LG / Hasbro Wheelie

Hasbro or Takara, it doesn’t matter. A stunning example of what official engineering at its best can still offer. Not only does it have a beautiful head sculpt, an amazing transformation and two excellent alt modes – it has a cockpit play feature. All in the Legends size class! If coffee table occupancy is a critical metric of a figures success in 2016, Wheelie earns more points for being the perfect travelbot. He accompanied me on multiple holidays because his involved transformation and photogenic-self packs the right level of durability and fun.

Reported levels of varying QC on the Hasbro version are a shame as this, because this like Generations Springer, is one for the ages. Wheelie is what happens when ambition intersects with engineering brilliance.

7. Unite Warriors Technobots

Untie Warriors was an uneven set of releases that highlighted some of the problems with the design philosophies of the Combiner Wars era. Mixed with QC issues and the need for third party limbs, there was a certain readiness among the fandom to move on. 

Against this backdrop, the Unite Warriors Technobots were one of the last releases but they showcased what the line was truly capable of with a good coat of paint and loving remolding. Beautiful to the last bot and sexy to the last alt mode, the only thing that stopped this being higher was the need for the third party limbs to complete the combined mode.

6. Diabattles

This may not be a Transformer and after my retailer cancelled my preorder, I’d decided it’s something I could live without. But enter the age of enablement as the unbridled enthusiasm of pockets of the fandom (looking at @TFSquareOne here) along with a play with @itfdb’s copy forced me to reconsider. It may not be a huge figure but it’s amazing in the detail it packs and the playability it offers. Enabled by a sensationally focused engineering ethos, this figure dominated the coffee table for months and had me regularly diving into the accessories box under the sofa. Even now it’s gone into the non-TF transforming toy shelf but I’ve kept it at the front knowing full well I never want this to be far from reach.

5. Maketoys Cross Dimensions Despotron

Entering the business end of the top 10, I’ve come to realise I’m a neo-Gi collector at heart. I don’t want figures to be slavish to G1, I want them to be inspired by G1. As much as I adore Striker Manus, it is Despotron who shines. His sculpt oozes character in a way that reminds me of Animated and Transformers Prime toys. Every pose, every minutia of articulation all works towards accentuating the personality of our favourite Cybertronian despot. It’s a stunning achievement in design. Returning to my yardstick for success, this hasn’t left the coffee table since arrival. I expect it to stay there for awhile yet.

4. Titan Returns Triggerhappy

Having enjoyed many a top 10 of 2016 list, I can safely say, this guy is on most of them. And there’s a bloody damn good reason for that. Intuitive is a word that is often casually bandied around with transformations but I can’t think of a better bot that deserves that accolade. With its clever array of twists and folds, a beautifully shaped cockpit, incredible levels of articulation, two Takara compatible display stand ports, and  a stunning futuristic starfighter alt mode, Triggerhappy is an undisputed engineering marvel.

3. MMC Overlord

MMC Reformatted started the year strong with Impactor, Nova Prime and Turmoil and then went missing for the rest of the year until this. And boy was it worth it. Fiction has always been a key pillar of my love of Transformers and Overlord is a bold representation of what I consider a milestone in Transformers history: the Alex Milne and James Roberts era. 

Packing all the sadistic personality of his comic book persona and eye-catching sci-fi alt modes, MMC Overlord is a toy with presence and heft and three wonderful alt modes. His transformation suffers from some Maketoys moments but none of it is enough to displace this monstrous beast from a top spot.

2. SparkToys War Within Optimus Prime (Alpha Pack)

Every year, a few new players enter the booming third party market hoping to find their niche. Newcomer SparkToys promised love to the War Within series, one of the comics that brought me back to Transformers fold and ultimately Transformers collecting. Generally hesitant to try new third party companies until after its first release, SparkToys found the trigger to force me to break that rule. I won’t lie. I was a little apprehensive. I’ve seen too many train wrecks from newcomers. But my fears were misplaced. With it in hand, I couldn’t help but marvel at the stunning paint work and beautifully accurate sculpt that transported me to over a decade ago when I first fell in love with Transformers again. A love affair that’s led to the crazy collection I have today.

Not only that, but they dared to buck the trend. Their transformation is beautifully simple. There’s no near scrapes, tight squeezes or fiddily panels to navigate. While it may not have a Masterpiece moment, the simplicity is refreshing and ultimately FUN – a quality third party needs to aim for more rather than less. In its flawless futuristic alt mode or bulky heroic robot mode, it continues to dominate my coffee table much to my partner’s chagrin but it’s been there so long now, I’m convinced she’s starting to think of him as family.

1. Master Made Apollo

From their first release, Master Made have committed to their SD aesthetic: a unique niche that many a collector often does not have the budget, space or desire to invest in. Their penchant for quality and smart engineering has been undoubted from the start but what’s been amazing is how they continue to blow themselves away with each release.

Apollo was their last release of 2016 and it exemplified this. Unapologetic in its brilliance, Apollo exceeded my already high expectations. I remember the moments vividly as it was shared with good friend @itfdb. The moment you free it from its packaging and lift it out, the heft and quality of the sculpt bowls you over. All that before you begin transforming it, discovering its play features, and marvelling at its articulation! Apollo can be appreciated as a standalone figure but then you put him alongside some Iron Factory releases and you realise there will be no end to this figure’s playability.

He’s just been relocated from the coveted coffee table spot into my budding display setups but he’s right at the front because he’s a toy that I’ll never want far from my grubby little fingers. He’s what great toys should be and epitomises some of the key themes that I’m increasingly desire from my Transformers: inspired from G1, amazing articulation, fun transformations, beautiful sculpts and endless playability.

And that’s my 10.

We’ve just tiptoed into 2017 and it already promises to be another amazing year. One that may steamroll 2016 the way Megatron did Tarn and the DJD.

Hasbro and Takara look to be continuing their winning formula with a strong opening salvo in the form of Topspin, Quake and Krok. It’s also a movie year and I’m very curious how they’ll apply this design ethos to the movie line. The Masterpiece line will welcome more Beast Wars figures and will deliver arguably the most important release of the year: the despot we all want, but will it be the one we deserve?

Third party continue their onslaught of amazing product. MMC’s stable is ready to burst with Kultur on the cusp of release and IDW Megatron due later this year. Maketoys have MP Jazz and Targetmasters on the way whilst pushing the aesthetic and action figure boundaries of the franchise with their Cross Dimensions line. Master Made will turn their eye to their next project after they finish Scorponok and Fort Max. SparkToys will deliver the follow up to their War Within Optimus Prime with Megatron and maybe even the King. Having wow’d us with what they can do at Legends scale, Iron Factory will deliver combiners and a six changer.

Our wallets might not be excited about 2017 but we definitely have a lot to be excited about!

Thanks for reading, all the best for 2017 and here’s to another amazing year for TF collectors.