#anyway everything here annoys me but lack of clarity especially

[yeahivegotanaccount]

Click on pics for translations. Feel free to point out any flaw in writing or drawing.

[keilemlucent]

lavender latte: vi

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1   ||   chapter 2  ||   chapter 3   ||  chapter 4   ||   chapter 5   ||  chapter 7  ||

masterlist

word count: 6.8k

finally. god.  

warnings: none really! reader’s foot booted, but that’s about it.

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well. here we are. thank u to everyone for reading this sweet, sweet story. we’re not through it yet, but i’m happy to offer a meal with this chapter. enjoy lovies. beta’ed by the lovely love @keiqos​. 

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You had several problems after returning to your apartment from the hospital. One of your coworkers was nice enough to drive you and your things back, but quickly the niceties stopped and your vague hell began.

Exclusively being on crutches sucked. Navigating your apartment and trying to live somewhat normally was a massive pain. Even just showering was a task that sapped most of your energy. Standing one-legged and balancing made your body ache with a deep soreness, especially the first few days you returned.

This was not even to mention the unpleasant dreams you were having.

‘Unpleasant’ & ‘dreams’ were a nice way of putting it.

You could recall that during your first night in the hospital, one of your doctors told you of the possibility of experiencing a few post-traumatic symptoms. Considering how out of it you were at the time, it was unsurprising how you brushed it off.

The reality was much harder to ignore.

...

Cars revving.

Shouting.

Shattering—

 Your eyes flashed open, chest heaving and brow covered in a fine sheen of sweat. 

Fuck that.

It was the same dream, an obvious recreation of the stimuli of the event. Though it was scattered in your memory, the dreams made it horribly vivid and vibrant despite lacking detail. The sounds and smells of that day clung to you as you shook your head, forcing yourself into wakefulness. 

Your comforter was thrown from your body, and you shivered as cold air rushed over you. As jarred as you were, you still swung your legs off the bed, readjusting your boot and your aching leg, half-heartedly glaring at your crutches.

Your apartment wasn’t terribly set up to get around with your limited mobility, but your difficulty functioning didn’t help your overall mental state. Everything was just harder with the boot on, and you did your best to work with it. 

Being locked up in your apartment added to the hellishness of it. You were so used to the stimuli and social environment of the teashop, it felt like a cold water shock when you were confined to your home entirely alone except for your cats.   

You could, of course, try and venture out into the world. But, it was still winter and the ice-covered sidewalks didn’t seem like the best place to try and crutch around. 

Within the first day or two, you resigned yourself to your three-week fate of being holed up. 

You had a laundry list of things you could do. Shows and movies to watch, places in your house to clean, your cats to pet, but—

You still had far too much time on your hands.

A lot of your newfound time in the first few days was spent on your back, leg propped up, and draped in ice bags, musing over Hawks.

Hawks.

Holy fuck.

You couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t stop it. Just thinking about him made every part of you swirl and thrum like you were listening to some sort of contently-chorded song and you were more than happy to play it on repeat until your ears bled. Maybe that feeling towards Hawks had always been there (it had), but now you accepted it and stopped holding yourself back as much.

You never thought the idea of someone squeezing your shoulder would send you into literal fits of giggles and butterflies, but boy, did it. Not to mention all of the careful touches and gentle words you two had shared in the aftermath of the attack, though the memories were hazy. What you did remember and cherish was the warmth of him, quirk activated or not. Each time you recalled it, your gut fluttered and your hands twitched.

Your ceiling was the most interesting place to look in your apartment. The plain texture was the perfect canvas to allow your memories of the sweet interactions the two of you had shared to play like comforting reruns. The commercial breaks of these daydreams were the texts exchanged between you and Hawks. 

 Keigo couldn’t stop thinking about you either.

It wasn’t as distracting as it once was, as he had been more liberal with letting himself text you. The high number of messages between the two of you was maybe ridiculous, but he was a fast texter and you seemed to have plenty of jokes and banter for him to share in.

As good as the texting was, it was also nice to check-in on you and your recovery. You seemed more annoyed than anything else, but Keigo wasn’t so much of an idiot as to think you weren’t in any pain or struggling at all. Though you didn’t explicitly tell him or show him, he was familiar with the pains of healing and could infer some things about your state. 

Keigo tried to brighten your day as he could. ‘Hawks’ still had plenty of hero work to do, especially with the information extracted from the recently detained syndicate members. Despite this, he took as much time as he could to stop and send you little snippets and messages which hopefully would help you smile a little.

 It did, of course. Just talking to Hawks did.

You had moments of awareness a few times a day where you had to remind yourself that, yes, (Y/N), you were just casual friends and deeply enamored with the number two hero and that sentiment was at least partially returned. 

You had a lot of time to wonder to what extent the feelings were returned. They obviously weren’t entirely one-sided, right? 

It was completely possible that they were, but you did your best to shake off the thought.

It was more likely that notorious bachelor and flirt, pro hero Hawks, just wanted a fuck with some feelings. To fuck with some feelings, right? 

Though, he did say that he cares about you.

But, you definitely can care about someone you only want to fuck.

You wished you had some sort of definitive answer. The murkiness of it all just made the sweetness of the past and the texts of the present seem a bit sour. 

Confessing to Hawks was daunting and terrifying. Not to mention, it felt a bit juvenile, all of it. People weren’t supposed to get melty crushes like this past high school, right? Especially not ones this deep on someone who couldn’t possibly feel the same as you, right?

 During one of these moments of uncomfortable clarity, your phone beeped as you rested on the couch. Despite not even seeing the message, you knew it would be Hawks.

You grabbed your phone, clicking open the newest message. 

 [birdboy]: hey hey angel

[birdboy]: look at this fucker i found

 The image attached was a photo of Hawks standing next to one of his own billboards, advertising some sort of sports drink. The photo had obviously been taken with a timer, the angle of the photo tilted as Hawks and the billboard were quite small in the frame. It added to the charm of the photo, the way Hawks was holding a feather blade to the throat of his own advert. You could even tell through the pixels he was wearing a wide smile as he did so, wings spread behind him

You snorted.

You and Hawks are just friends, you reminded yourself. 

 [you]: looks like a punk bitch 2 me dude

[you]: kinda uncanny resemblance tho

[birdboy]: i agree

[birdboy]: he’s hot tho

 You rolled your eyes, still smiling as you readjusted on the couch. You weren’t disagreeing, not at all. 

 [you]: not wrong

[you]: still, punk bitch

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: feelings = hurt

[birdboy]: please tell me the photo is funny 

[birdboy]: it took like five tries

[you]: very funny, im gonna save it and sell when im short on cash

[birdboy]: my publicist will blacklist u

[you]: i’d like to see them try

[birdboy]: is that a challenge angel????

[you]: a promise

 There was a break in the messages, though Hawks appeared to be typing.

 [birdboy]: unrelated but

[birdboy]: how are you doing?

 You paused, taking stock of your disheveled, sleepy self. You were only a few days out of the hospital and you definitely could’ve been worse off.

 [you]: im okay!!!

[you]: sore and tired honestly

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: i'm glad to hear its not worse at least

[birdboy]: ill send u lots more embarrassing photos 

[birdboy]: a million angel

[you]: my hero <3

 It all was surreal and mentally impossible to avoid.

You really, really liked Hawks and had for a long while.

             ...

 Keigo spent most of the rest of the day busy with patrols and work for the Commission, much to his chagrin. He hardly got a chance to text you. It reminded him of his reality as a pro, his fast-paced nature and how he truly couldn’t slow down, not at that point anyway. He had a brand and habitual way of being that was standard. Even for you, he wasn’t sure if he could slow down, even if he wanted to or needed to.

The idea scared him, pieces of his reality.

But, at the same time, Keigo hadn’t ever felt like this before. The weird, but incredibly alluring and comfortable heat in his chest made him feel like he’d do anything for you. Fuck, he’d fly to the stars and move them if he could, if that’s what it took. 

Maybe he even wanted to. 

Keigo couldn’t become a different person, for anyone, that’s not how things worked. But if getting closer to you meant... adjusting, he could do that. Easily. He was adaptable as all hell and he’d be glad to use it for something that made him feel good instead of hollow.

Keigo busily flew the day away. As the afternoon turned to night, the sky going pink and purple with dusk, he settled on top of a taller office building. It looked down on a street market, its smells and sounds wafting up to him on his perch.

It gave him an idea.

A good one.

 You were inspecting your fridge with a grimace. Balancing on your crutches and being counter-weighed by the boot on your foot made your angry stance a whole lot less intimidating, but it was the sentiment that counted.

Several days post-hospital had done a number on your food supply. The fridge was empty except for a few nearly expired items and condiments. The dry shelves weren’t looking much better.

The shrill sound of your ringtone from the couch made your jump, nearly falling. You teetered back over to it, eye-widening at the caller ID. 

 [birdboy] calling...

 Hawks had never called you before.

You quickly picked up the call, “...Hello?”

“Hey, angel!” Hawks was chipper on the other line. “What’re you up to?”

“Currently?” You hummed, turning forlornly to your kitchen. “Thinking about how I either need to order groceries or order dinner before committing to my couch for the rest of the night. Why? You don’t usually call.”

“I don’t,” Hawks’s smile was apparent in his voice, even through the receiver. “But, I had an idea.”

“Shoot.”

“I might just be near a super good takeout spot. How hard would it be for me to convince you to let me drop some food by your place? My treat.”

You didn’t reply for a second.

Stunned.

“Are you sure?”

“More than, dove. I’m off the rest of the night, anyways.”

Oh.

That gave you an idea—

An idea that would surely push the envelope of your feelings.

Let it.

“Okay, I’m in. One condition.” You bit your lip, willing your stomach to seize fluttering.

“You name it. This place is really good and—”

“I have been going a little stir crazy, and,” You cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, “how hard would it be to convince you to come over and stay awhile?”

Hawks was silent.

Your stomach dropped.

“Wait, I-I mean—” You stuttered, trying to gather yourself, but this time Hawks cut you off.

“Like, to hang out?” Hawks sounded shocked on the other line. 

“Yes.” 

You kept your breathing even and prayed it didn’t read over the call. 

“God, dove. I’d love to. I can be over in like ten—”

“Wait,” You fisted the fabric of your sweats. “Can I have a little more time? For myself and my apartment.”

Hawks chuckled on the other end of the line, “Sure, angel. Thirty sound better?”

You let out a sigh of relief, falling on to the back of your couch, “Sounds perfect.”

 Keigo decided to tease a bit, his heart pounding in his chest almost painfully. He knew from day one that you were bold, but this was a treat. He had to spare back, just a little.

“Though, dove, I’m sure you look more than perfect yourself. You always do.” He didn’t wait for your response, either out of fear of what you’d say or being a bit smug, he wasn’t sure.

Keigo hung up the call, burying his face in his gloves to try and stifle the blush on his cheeks, though it hardly helped. 

It didn’t have to.

 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 Thirty minutes later and you were mostly sorted.

You managed to throw yourself into the shower, tossing on something half-way decent, but still comfortable. Had to keep it casual. 

Crutching around your apartment, you picked up what clutter you could, mind spinning. Hawks coming over to your fucking apartment filled you with elated, and yet terrifying, anxiety. A few times while cleaning, you legitimately paused to muffle quiet screams in your hand at the prospect.

You felt like you were going to burst.

 Keigo did too, notably. 

He took the time to fly all the way back to his apartment, take the world’s fastest shower, and throw on some clothes other than his costume. Going back to get food, his hands shook as he handed the bills to the starry-eyed vendor who he’d just written an autograph for.

You’d sent a quick text just before he’d left with a description of your balcony, so neither of you would have to figure out how to let him in through the roof. 

As he flew to your place, Keigo felt like he was going to implode.

He didn’t ‘hang out’ with people. Nope, far too busy for anything like that. He was a compulsory workaholic, it was part of his mental brand of being (or, mental ‘branding’, maybe). The closest he got to casual time with folks was the preamble before a hookup or the time he had spent at the tea shop with you. Actually going to spend time with someone, casually, and it was you? It was all new and terrifying.

But, above all? Exciting.

The whole situation opened many doors, all of which Keigo pictured and picked apart as he neared your apartment. There were so many potential situations to appraise and plan for, he felt overwhelmed by it all. 

The opportunity to spend some... time with you outside of the tea shop was a necessity, right? Keigo’s original idea had been to drop off some food and banter for a while, but the idea of spending one of his precious nights off with you was so much better than he could’ve expected. 

Not to mention the warm bit of validation sparked by the fact that you asked him to come over, you wanted him around —

It felt nice.

So nice. 

 You paused, hearing telltale scuffing of someone on your balcony. 

Oh my god. 

He’s here.

Hawks is here.

You gulped, shaking your head.

Don’t you dare chicken out now. Commit, dammit. You’re just... hanging out. With your friend.

Yeah.

A knock on the glass pulled you to the door of your balcony, hobbling to slide it open on your crutches. 

Hawks was happy to push the door the rest of the way open, stepping inside with a bag of takeout slung on his arm.

Your mouth parched, seeing him once again in civilian clothing. Was it... normal to get turned on by the fact that he looked normal? 

As Hawks stepped into your humble apartment, wings tucked tightly to his back, you drank him in, hair ruffled with his clear visor placed on top of his head to push back the windswept front pieces. He wore a white sweater and black trousers complete with heavy black boots that were quickly untied and left by the door.

“You’re staring, you know,” Hawks interrupted your thoughts as you straightened up on your crutches.

Recover.

“Can’t prove that,” You tutted, crutching away from the door. “Also, welcome. Watch out for my cats, they might try to get a mouthful of your feathers.”

“Duly noted,” Hawks clicked his tongue, standing up and following you as you meander to the kitchen. 

 Keigo had to admit that your apartment was relatively... cute. He was used to his own, seldom-used digs. He had a big, uncomfortably nice penthouse with too many disused rooms and too much open space. Fixtures and furniture that were too expensive, probably, but it had been far easier to hire some big-name interior designer and not bother with dealing with it himself. Keigo had trouble keeping many ‘personal’ possessions, anyways. His training with the Commission made him almost revile the thought of keeping unnecessary, material objects, sans a few. 

Your home was the exact opposite. 

Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to have a personal touch that it made your cozy little apartment feel so full of them.

Little photos and artworks on walls or in frames caught Keigo’s eyes as he followed you to the kitchen. He took note of several blankets on the couch, catching sight of the plushie he’d given you at the hospital. Even the lighting of the apartment was personal, diffuse. With how easily overstimulated you became, it made sense that you’d keep your apartment so ambiently dim.

“So, first off, thank you for coming by and delivering dinner. I am eternally grateful,” You bowed dramatically, leaning to flail out a crutch at the motion. “Second, as payment, I’ll make you a drink. Maybe not with my quirk, but I have some of my old tea blends here.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Keigo shrugged, setting the takeout down on the counter while his ever-present grin nearly hurt his face from how relentless it was. “And tea? Show me what you’ve got. Or, should I trust you to pick one out for me?”

You hummed, clicking your tongue before moving across the kitchen to a different set of cabinets, “I think I’ve actually got a good one for you. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Lay on the details, angel,” Keigo hummed, leaning against the lip of the counter. 

 You did have the perfect blend in mind. It wasn’t too old, hardly stale. It would pair as well as a nice tea could with fried takeout, judging by the smells wafting from the bag on the counter.

“It’s one I made for a brunch we catered a few months back. It’s just a white tea raspberry blend, but it’s not delicate. It should stand up to any sort of food you’ve brought. Thank you, by the way.” 

Setting your crutches down, you started to push yourself up onto the counter without thinking much of it, booted-foot going limp off the edge. 

“Of course, anytime— woah, angel,” His voice choked as you wavered on the edge of the counter, off-balance. 

There was a short flap of wings and rush of air as you tried to rebalance, cursing the deadweight of your leg. 

If Hawks hadn’t been directly behind you, you probably would’ve eaten shit.

You turned yourself as far as you could, cheeks going hot.

Hawks’ face was just inches away from yours. That was even to mention the hands hovering around your waist, chest brushing up against your back. 

“S-sorry,” Did he just fucking stutter? “You looked like you were about to eat shit there.”

The words hardly reach you, you were too busy actively telling yourself not to stare at his pretty, plump lips because that is not something friends do. Not the can of worms you needed to open, right?

“I-,” You turned away from him, stretching up to the tea tin that had been out of your reach. “To think you’ve saved me from falling while reaching for loose leaf tea, twice.”

“All in a day's work,” His hands twitched around your sides but hardly shifted until you began to descend from the countertop. In fact, Hawks hardly moved away at all until you were situated back on your crutches.

You pretended not to notice the flush on his cheeks.

Maybe, it was a bit too close. Definitely too close, and bad circumstances, but god, you wanted more and more of him. 

You swallowed your desires down, cracking a smile. 

Be normal.

Be cool!

You shook the tin, leaves and dried fruit rattling inside, “So, cream or sugar?”

 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 The two of you ended up on the couch, picking through the several boxes of takeout that Hawks had brought. Most of dinner was spent bantering back and forth about one of Hawks’ newest modeling contracts and if it was ‘ethical’ for him to wear his own feathers for the sake of ‘fashion’?

“So, off-topic from insulting my employment ethics, ” Hawks spoke while munching on a piece of chicken. “You surviving?”

“Barely,” You laughed, setting down your utensils with a huff. “I forget how isolation makes you go a little crazy. I’m running out of dumb shit to watch and even dumber shit to send you.”

Hawks snorted, setting down his own box, having had his fill, “I know you are more than adept at combing the internet for more good shit to send me.”

“I mean, maybe, but you keep sending me juicy photos of you being a dumbass. They’re hard to show up, you know?” You side-eyed him at the birdish tilt of his head.

“You don’t need to show me up, angel,” Hawks reminded you, some feathers packing up what was left of the food. “Though, it’s fun. You’re fun.”

You internally winced at the sentiment but forced the smile on your face not to waver.

It was a needed reminder.

This close to Hawks, you could fucking smell him. Maybe it was a little creepy, but you remembered it so well, after the villain attack. The scent of some sort of spicy cologne and old sweat, but it was hardly unpleasant. No, it was intoxicating. It made you feel almost fuzzy, as it wafted around like some reminder that Hawks and you were so close. 

You thanked the stars that the apartment lacked the stimuli to make your quirk activate on its own. 

Your couch wasn’t very large, and it seemed even smaller with how Hawks had laid his wings over it. They were propped up over the back, outstretched just the smallest bit to relieve some pressure. All the same, the massive feathers made you feel minuscule.

Even the way he was sitting was intoxicating and a bit gut-wrenching. It was casual, the way he leaned back against the far cushions, legs somewhat spread with an ankle over the opposite knee. The pose oozed a weird, untouchable confidence that you hadn’t seen in Hawks in months, maybe ever. At least, not directed at you.

Despite the warm nature of his words, he seemed guarded.

It made your throat dry.

 Keigo was quite on edge. He hadn’t meant to get so close in the kitchen, really, he hadn’t. But, seeing you dangling off the edge of the counter like that, even if it was harmless and mundane, made his entire body and mind react before he could think.

But, you weren’t in any danger. Even if you had been, Keigo would’ve been there to catch you. 

He’d put himself out of it, overthinking the whole thing. You were fine. Safe. 

The other part of his mind spun with how he wanted to be so much closer.

Feeling the warmth of your body, the lines of your waist, the thrum of your heart and breath so fucking close—

It was a lot.

But, he was well-trained and not going to choke. 

He’d shoved himself to the opposite side of the couch to you, keeping his boundaries up, strong as steel and hard as carbon. 

Of course, Keigo knew the feelings were mutual. That didn’t mean that none of this was terrifying in the same way that it was exhilarating. 

As much as he wanted to be closer (so much closer), Keigo remained careful. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was ruin something before it had even truly happened. 

 You sat back against the couch, repositioning your injured leg on the coffee table, “So, thoughts.”

“On?”

You didn’t look at Keigo as you replied, rather glared at your TV, “What to watch?”

“Oh,” You could hear the smile in his voice. “We’re watching something?”

“You tell me. I imagine you don’t get lots of time to do this sort of thing, do you?” 

Hawks didn’t reply for a moment, sitting deeper into the couch, “Not really.”

“Then indulge, tailfeathers,” You tossed the remote in his lap. “Anything, go for it. Go nuts.”

Hawks nearly put on watching a reality cooking show, before you said that that was off-limits, per an odd conversation from way back when where he had admitted to be hot for Gordon Ramsey. He had been a little too vague as to whether or not he would pop a boner from Gordon’s filmed degradations. And truthfully, if anything was gonna give Hawks a hard-on tonight, you were determined for it not to be competitive cooking TV. Maybe, just maybe, you’d rather it be you.

...

Eventually, he settled on some psychological thriller you’d never heard of.

 Keigo hadn’t either. 

He was glad that you couldn’t hear his heart in the same way he heard your’s pounding.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you crutch around, turning the already dim lights lower.

Calm the down, Hawks. 

Calm the fuck down.

He’d never even done this before. Keigo wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, even if it was as simple as watching a film.

It would’ve been simpler if the tension in the air was thick and foggy, clouding over his consciousness as he tried to focus on anything other than your nearness and how much he wanted to drag you into his lap. 

 …

 His feathers fluttered as you plopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over your lap and offering one to him.

He took it, settling it over his lap as the movie went on.

 You weren’t an idiot. You could feel the blood rushing in your hot ears as you fisted the blanket over your legs. 

Your mind spoke a lot louder than you wanted it to:

Just fucking do it.

 Do what exactly?

 The paramount thought that was causing anxiety to twirl in your gut.

Maybe, you could just tell him how you felt.

Maybe just hold his hand.

Maybe get fucking rejected because he’s out of your league and out of bounds.

Maybe even kiss him—

 You were torturing yourself, the movie just background noise to your internal dilemma.

You’d asked him to your apartment and Hawks had bought you fucking dinner. That wasn’t a lot, sure, maybe, but there were also the months of lead-up. 

There were all of the cold mornings and cheeky grins you gave each other in the waking coffee shop. There were the fuzzy jokes, the lingering glances, and the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever he graced you with mere eye contact.

It felt like you were already in too deep to not be honest about how you felt towards him. Fuck, you’d been in too deep for months. Every time you made him a damn drink, you wanted to just drink him in. You were all fluttering hearts and sweet smiles for him in a way that you couldn’t suppress, only squash in moments of such intense anxiety like this—

“Hey, dove?” It was Hawks, shocking you from your turmoil with a soft voice. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m good.” Your reply was curt and clipped. 

Make a decision now.

Pull the bandage off, (Y/N). 

It’ll just be worse, the longer you wait.

Maybe Hawks did just want to fuck with some cute feelings, the seemingly longing looks be damned. Yeah, you liked him way more than for just a fuck, that was obvious and unavoidable. Besides, it’d be better to know than to not know, right?

 “You sure? If the movie’s too much, we can turn it off,” Hawks sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the couch.

...

You committed, taking a deep breath and turning to Hawks. 

 “It’s not that,” You looked at the couch between the two of you, tracing the seam of the cushion. “The movie’s fine.”

“Then, you’re not feeling great for another reason?” Keigo asked, feeling each of your breaths and heartbeats like bass drums in his ears. He hides the shaking of his hands by crossing them over his chest. “You can talk to me, (Y/N).”

“Can I?” You asked, shaking your head and laughing at yourself. “Hawks, I need to do something really fucking stupid.”

Holy fuck.

Are they—

“What’s that?” 

His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be.

 “Fuck, Hawks,” You finally forced yourself to look at him, taking in his guarded posture and pained expression. 

Your heart sank.

“I just need to be honest with you.”

Hawks’s brow soured, lips twitching, “Go for it, dove.”

You laughed, maybe trying to soothe yourself, “It’s probably is just, so fucking stupid, all things considered.”

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your lip between sentences and willing yourself to just get it out—

 “Hawks, I like you. A lot.”

 He still didn’t say anything and you could feel shards of your heart drive into your lungs.

You forced yourself to look up at him, smiling with the slight release of tension in your sternum, however painful. 

“I know, we’re just friends, right? I’m just the barista and you’re my special, pro hero regular. I know I’m overstepping right now, but it feels unfair for me to not be honest with you.”

 Keigo already knew this, right? He knew how you felt, fuck, he’d felt how you felt. He just wasn’t prepared for the exploding and thrumming in his chest when you told him with your sweet lips and kind words.

Why did it feel so different when you were smiling at him like you were in pain and telling him so fucking honestly with your words?

It was the thing about you that he admired the most, that candor in your tone and the grin in your cheeks as you spoke so.

But, your smile was falling, leaving watery-looking eyes. 

“Hawks, I like you. Way too much for friends, and I needed to say something.” 

Keigo’s mouth was dry.

For the first time in so fucking long, he was genuinely speechless.

He couldn’t recall a time in his life anyone had spoken so earnestly to him, just you. Just you, you, you— casually, over and over again, you talked to him like he was something real and something to be cared for. It was subtle, but it was one of the many things that made him want you closer. 

Yet, despite all his bundled up desires, he was lost for words.

“I’m sorry—”

He stopped you, “(Y/N), please don’t apologize.”

“But—” 

“(Y/N).”

 Hawks’ voice was sharp. It made the expression on your face rapidly fall.

He looked at you with rapt attention, arms uncrossing from his chest.

He turned to you on the couch, feathers fluffed up and twitching.

Your nose stung as Hawks, all pretty golds and ambers, shook out an exhale and balled up the blanket in his lap.

“Hawks—”

“Why would you need to be sorry?”

Hawks looked at you with wide eyes, brow creased. His shoulders were... shaking?

Your head spun, leg aching, “... What do you mean?”

Hawks finally met your gaze, giving you the sweetest, saddest smile you’d ever seen, “Dove, you’re acting like there’s no way I could feel the same way.”

Every cell in your body stuttered.

“You’ve done it since we’ve met.”

Hawks scooted closer on the cushions of the couch.

“You’ve always acted like there’s just no way I could like you, give a shit about you—”

He moved a bit closer.

You couldn’t make yourself move.

“You want to know the truth?”

You creaked out a nod.

 Keigo couldn’t help the way he went to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the apples of your cheeks. You lean into his touch, just like at the hospital, despite the blend of absolute fear and confusion in your expression.

“How could I not care about you, dove?” And it finally came out. “I care about so much— dove, I don’t know what to fucking say.”

That made you speechless, lips parting just the slightest bit as Hawks continued, losing composure with his morphing expressions. 

He wet his lips, swallowing, “Dove, I’ve never—any of this. I-I don’t know what o-or how to say any of what I want to right now.”

You speak before thinking.

“Show me, if you don’t know how to say it.”

 The idea seemed so novel as Keigo ran a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it from between your teeth. He met your gaze with the gooiest, sweetest look you’d ever seen in your life, “You want me to?”

“Please.”

It was all the two of you had wanted for a while now, right?

“If I kiss you, I’m not ever gonna be able to make this go away, am I?” Keigo was speaking to himself, just above his breath. But, you were more than close enough to hear him. 

“Hey, Hawks? I don’t know if we can make ‘this’ try to go away.” You grabbed one of the hands cupping your face, pulling it away, only to shakily press in your lips to the bones on the back of it. “I don’t want to anymore.”

“Y-you gotta stop being so sweet, (Y/N)—”

Neither of you could wait a moment longer.

Your arms wrapped around Keigo’s shoulder. In the same motions, he pulled you closer by your waist, dragging you finally closer to him.

He held your jaw like you were the most precious thing in the world. Because, truthfully, you were to him. The sentiment was shared Deeply. 

Your lips pressed together and the long-held tensions in your chests mutually shattered, dissolving in the honeyed touch of each other’s genuine attention. 

You angled your head perfectly, Keigo’s hand guiding you as his mouth worked against yours. It wasn’t a particularly steamy sort of affair, but by god, it wasn’t in any way chaste. Not with the tight grip and thumbing on your ribs. Not with the way your hands tangled in the soft (holy fuck, soft) hair at the base of Keigo’s skull. 

You both tasted each other's sweetness, craving more of it after denying yourselves of it for so long. It was white-hot, exploding behind your eyes, even as your quirk remained dormant. Keigo was honey and cream and smoked spices all dancing across your palette.

To Keigo? You were sweet, cool water over a hot burn. You were the heat of a hearth rolling over him on the coldest of days. He swears that in the first moments he finally got to be close to you, and over and over again— he finally understood how your quirk worked.

There was no way that finally feeling you, feeling you as he felt you, could be described with just five senses.

You pulled away first, gasping for breath and arching your back into him. You lingered as close as you could, pressing your forehead to Keigo’s while your breaths mingled. You didn’t dare stray far.

“Was that enough to show you?” Keigo asked, breathless. He kept a wide hand against your back, urging you with a bit of soft pressure to put your weight into it. You complied, settling in his hold as Keigo stroked at your hot cheeks.

You nodded, beaming up at him with that sunny smile of yours. It never failed to make heat burn through Keigo and god, did it feel good to finally let it unabashed.

“I take it, you like me too, huh,” You smiled, looking a bit embarrassed. 

“Very much, very much,” Keigo repeated, pressing a kiss to your nose (he’d always wanted to do that). “So much, (Y/N). I apologize for not saying anything sooner. This is just...”

“New to you, right?” You finished his sentence, thumbing along the back of his neck in a way that made Keigo just melt. “It’s been a while for me too, if it makes you feel better.”

“It does, dove. Thank you.” Keigo let out a deep breath, shaking his head against yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

 “It’s alright, same goes for me,” As much as you needed to adjust due to the angle of your recovering leg, you couldn’t make yourself do it. You were so wonderfully close to Hawks, you never wanted to move. 

“If we’re being honest, then I need to be honest with you,” Hawks met your eyes, his expression going a little dimmer. 

You braced for the worst. 

He picked up your shift easily, finally able to express how quickly he caught your mood after so long of being attuned to it. 

“Oh wait, no, (Y/N), nothing terrible, I promise,” Hawks rubbed at your sides. “It’s about the miel.”

“The... miel?” You cocked your head to the side, confused, recalling the drink somewhat hazily. “The drink I made you on the day of... the attack?”

Hawks gave you a tense smile, “That one, yeah. Remember how you said it was just based on your ambient feelings?”

“Uh-huh.” You let confusion lace your tone until it slowly started to dawn on you.

“You made the drink, ambiently, around me—”

Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, “Oh my god, Hawks, did my feelings for you get in the drink?”

Hawks graced you with a sweet, sympathetic smile, fingers tucking at the hair around your ear, “They did, dove. I’ve kind of known for a few days, it just hasn’t been the time or setting to say something. I apologize.”

“N-no, it’s okay, I totally understand,” You sighed into his grip. “I really thought it might be something worse.”

“Consider your worries assuaged,” Hawks hummed, eyes drifting to your boot. He deadpanned suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your leg hurt right now?”

 Fairly bad, considering. You were half on your knees, the booted leg twisted awkwardly while still raised to the coffee table. This wasn’t even to mention the arch of your back so you could be all that closer to Hawks.

The pain of the position was easy to forget; you were still shaking from kissing Hawks just once. 

“Uh, maybe like a seven, once I can feel anything other than how good you felt just now,” you hummed, grinning up at Hawks as his face went bright red.

The infinite pleasure you received, making him blush so sweetly. 

He shook it off, squeezing your sides, “Cute. Very cute. Mutually returned sentiment, but let’s adjust.”

You nodded but didn’t have much time to react as a bundle of Hawks’s feathers lifted you every which way, albeit incredibly gently. All said and done, he was fully upright against the back of the couch. With the support of a feather or two, Hawks’s arms tugged you into his lap. Your legs stretched to the side, the booted one immediately propped up by a feather-supplied pillow.

You both settled yourselves, blushing and leaning on each other now that you finally were allowing yourself to. 

Keigo fully wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. One of his wings even shifted to drape over one his shoulder, sheltering the two of you in a canopy of a crimson. Keigo let his hands wander over your hips, not seeking anything more than blessed attention and heat. You gave it all to him, tucking your face into his collarbone, drowning in the scent that made you feel at home. 

Keigo pressed his lips to your crown and legitimately shuddering.  

He spoke to himself, so faintly and quietly, you hardly caught it, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

There was melancholy in his voice, but you were quick to strip it away.

You brushed your lips along his jaw, savoring the way he held you tighter, “I have too. Can we do this more?”

“Anytime, dove. Anytime.”

“Right now sound good?”

You withdrew to beam up at him as you were so good at doing, only to be smothered by craving-satiating kisses anywhere Keigo could get to. The sweet, high laughter that he dripped onto you made your heart burst all over again.

And you finally, finally fell into the other sweetly, warmly, and properly. 

||||||||||||||||||

taglist: @thepandapopo @hawksexual @sinclairsamess @darcia22 @inhalingsoysauce @yee-fxcking-haw

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Romanced Companions react to sole waking them up with kisses!

Cait:

"Sheesh, I'm up.."

At first she'd try to pretend that she was still asleep, only giving up whenever your kisses just wouldn't relent. Those vibrant green eyes would lazily open as she rolled over to face you, a pleased grin already forming on her face.

Usually she wouldn't like being woken up, especially if it was early, but for you- eh, she couldn't get mad. However she could exact her revenge and she would, practically tackling you in a trail of kisses that innocently begun at your lips before going down until she disappeared under the covers.

Curie:

“Oh my..hello love.”

Getting used to her synth body meant a lot of things for Curie. Everything was...hm, amplified. This is both a good thing and a bad thing in everyday life. However as it stood, when you did stuff like this, it was a very, very good thing in her eyes.

She’d awake with bright eyes, no trace of slumber held in their gaze as she lovingly looks at you. She’d giggle at the contact, draping her slender arms over your shoulders, anticipation building up and making her squeal once you finally connected your lips in a soft kiss.

Danse:

“Mmmh, good morning. *kiss* How about we stay in for a little while today?”

It was extremely rare that Danse wasn’t awake before you, so it was a close call between waking up or just letting him sleep in. Of course, you chose to wake him.

At first he’d try to move away in his sleep, shaking his head until he realized what was going on and woke up. Those pretty eyes would grow wide, showing his initial surprise- however seeing it was just you, he would relax. Soon after that, he’d put on a lazy grin and wrap those strong arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

Perhaps his morning run could wait.

Deacon:

“Hey, that tickles!”

Deacon being the little shit he is, would at first pretend to be asleep. You knew better though, your love was a notoriously light sleeper. However you let it slide, you knew from the little grin he couldn’t keep under control that he was very much so awake and enjoying the affection. Truthfully, he was still getting used to the whole “sharing a bed” thing- so you bringing in a little silliness into the picture definitely was a relief to him.

Gage:

“Rise and shine, boss. Heh, come here.”

Gage almost never sleeps later than you, even on nights where he falls asleep way later. That being said, the surprise of being “attacked” by your loving kisses was very much so a welcomed one. Despite what many would think, there isn’t much in life that Gage loves more than your affection. He’s practically touch starved.

That being said, he’ll casually open his good eye, hands going straight your hips and startling you and causing you to sit up. Before you could do so much as make a sound, he’ll trail one hand up your back and push you right back down to connect with him once again.

Hancock:

“Well, a good morning to you too- beautiful.”

The very instant he is awake and aware, you’re flipped around and presented with an onslaught of kisses in retaliation. He doesn’t mind being kiss awake, but he won’t stand for not paying you back. As such, he’ll throw the blankets over your bodies, straddling your hips as the once innocent kisses quickly melt into much more passionate ones.

A couple rounds it is then.

Macready:

“Hm, you know..*kiss*..I usually don’t like being woken up, but for you..I can make an exception.”

Mac is not a morning person, that’s for damn sure. Not even having a child of his own could make him adapt to early mornings. However, though the urge to whine and pull the covers over his head was great, he couldn’t help but find the feeling of waking up a little less annoying when it was you causing it.

Having you wake him up like this? Oh, he was happy. Just hope you don’t expect him to actually get out of bed though, he’ll then proceed to gripe, saying that he wants “enjoy the moment” before pulling you down into a needy kiss.

Maxson:

“I could stay here like this forever..”

Sleep for him was tricky. Either his mind wouldn’t allow it or he’d just fall into a dreamless state from exhaustion, never did he consider that a peacefulness in the action would be attainable- not until you started accompanying him that is. Even then, Arthur despised being woke up...but somehow you were an exception to that as well.

Feeling the light kisses on his face made him automatically wake up with his heart fluttering, crystal blue eyes slowly opening so he could gaze upon that lovely face of your’s. He wouldn’t even say anything at first, instead choosing to bask in the attention you so eagerly gave to him. Eventually he’d just come to expect this each morning, considering it his favourite “wake up call.”

Nick:

“Darling..good to see you’re in a good mood already.”

Nick hardly ever slept. Being the specific type of synth he was, it was entirely optional. As a matter of fact, before you came into the picture, he’d hardly ever “sleep”. Then again, who was he to deny the alluring normalcy that came with relaxing in your loved one’s arms? He just couldn’t.

Having you do stuff like this only further reassured him that staying up all night, trying to figure out unseen details in a case, wasn’t always for the best. As such, he’d give you a satisfied smile and gingerly press a kiss to your cheek before finally willing himself out of bed.

Old Longfellow:

“Keep doing this and we’ll never get out of bed..”

The feeling of having someone next to him was probably a sensation he’d never get used to. In a way, he didn’t really want to anyways. It was for a lack of better words, lovely, to be surprised each morning by the comfort and affection of your loved one.

Even if he was a grumpy old man, he knew when to not take things like this for granted. As such, he’ll make sure to repay the affection tenfold. True to his word, it’ll take a little bit to get out of bed that morning.

Piper:

“Someone woke up on the right side of the bed..*yawn*.”

She’d initially wake with a big smile, practically melting when you allowed your kisses to trail down her jaw and to her neck. Usually she didn’t like being woken up, but this didn’t bother her one bit.

Preston:

“Good morning, babe. Mh, you look so gorgeous right now..”

Preston usually was the one to wake you up in that way, loving how you’d cutely squirm and mumble your “good morning” to him. So it was a pleasant surprise, to say the least, when you returned the favor.

Of course, him being himself, he couldn’t help but be mushy. He’d return your soft kisses, brushing your hair behind your ear before muttering some heartfelt comment.

Sturges:

“Already time to get up? Keep waking me up like this and you won’t hear me complain, sugar.”

It wasn’t uncommon that you’d wake up before Sturges, the man usually preferring to sleep in until at least 9:30. Usually you’d just let him sleep but today you changed it up, and he was very happy you did.

As soon as he was roused from his slumber, a soft smile would shape his features, his eyes not yet opening, instead he’d just lay still and pretend to sleep. Once you figured it out, he’d laugh, beckoning you down to lay with him for just a while longer,

X6-88:

“Wha..? Oh, um, apologies.”

Out of pure instinct, X6 pushed you away- seeming to not remember falling peacefully asleep beside you. In all honesty, he thought the innocent gesture was an attack attempt- that is until he gained full clarity and realized that it was only you.

You wouldn’t hurt him.

As quickly as he was ready to go on the offense, he felt guilt wash over him and he’d crack a sheepish- forced- smile and try to explain himself.

[trensu]

Episode 21: The One where the Siblings Know Things

So you know how when you grow up with siblings, they get to know you in really annoying and inconvenient ways? Like, they can just look at you and Know Something is Up when really you want them to mind their own business

Apparently this is a thing even for cultivators in Ancient Fantasy China

It’s pretty great!!!

(for us, not for the siblings in the show)

(they probably just want their siblings to shut up about it already)

BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT INSTEAD LOL

The yunmeng sibs are reunited it’s all teary and happy and kind of hurt-y

Jyl: we’re all together again. Together forever, the three of us!!

*HYSTERICAL SOBBING*

IT’S A LIIIIIEEE

And NHS interrupts bc ofc he does and he gives us a little hint of wangxian

He reaches out to pat wwx’s shoulder in welcome, but wwx pulls back from it so hard there’s an awkward silence for a minute there

But wwx and nhs are bros so nhs just rolls with it 

Nhs: oh, we were all so worried, everyone’s been looking everywhere for you especially jc and LWJ~!

And here jc drags him out bc god forbid anybody mention him having feelings to anybody yeesh

Wwx ends up alone in the room after that and suddenly ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing at a very slow, melancholic tempo

Wwx grabs his flute and gets lost in his head for a bit

And as he’s lost in thought, lwj walks by and sees him sitting all alone in that room

AND HE JUST STANDS THERE

observing him for a bit

lwj why are you just standing there?? 

LWJ DO SOMETHING

And we get the return of the Bichen Death Grip 

You know the one

He does it every time he’s experiencing Emotions over Wei Ying. 

STOP DOING THE DEATH GRIP OF GAY YEARNING AND GO TALK TO YOUR SOULMATE ALREADY GOD DAMN IT

(spoiler alert: he doesn’t)

(nobody in this show ever listens to me, what the heck)

Then we cut to the evil wen lair

Boring Plot Stuff happens.

Now we’re back at Qinghe and everyone’s at a dinner party!

NMJ is doing a whole toast to like, honor wwx’s return or smth

And wwx doesn’t even notice bc JK NOT EVERYBODY IS THERE

GUESS WHO’S MISSING

LWJ. LWJ IS THE ONE  NOT AT THE PARTY

Yeah, so wwx is getting honored by a sect leader and everybody’s faced towards him to like, take a shot in his name

And wwx is totally oblivious 

wwx is ignoring the opportunity to take a shot of alcohol

wwx is ignoring ALCOHOL bc he’s too busy STARING AT THE EMPTY TABLE BEHIND HIM

THE EMPTY TABLE THAT SHOULD HAVE LWJ

LITERALLY EVERYONE JUST CHEERED FOR HIM AND HE WAS TOO FOCUSED ON THE LACK OF LWJ TO NOTICE!!!

Eventually jc gets his attention and they finish the toast and we have nmj interrogating wwx about the lack of suibian

This Becomes a Thing

Ppl are like super offended he doesn’t have his sword

We meet Sect Leader Yao here (and we immediately hate him bc he is the most obnoxious person ever) who starts to gossip about this with everyone else

SHUT UP YAO NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU

And jin zixun chimes in

SHUT UP JIN ZIXUN NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU EITHER

GOD THEY’RE BOTH THE WORST

Anyway, the only reason any of this is mentioned is bc ppl are already turning against wwx and it causes a Moral Quandary later on for lwj

Moving on bc we don’t want to spend more time on those jerks than absolutely necessary…

We cut to lwj!! He’s alone in his designated room playing the guqin

He’s so focused on playing it well 

His concentrated expression is pretty~

I think he’s playing the song of clarity or whatever it’s called (idk, it’s some kind of Magic Music)

Which would explain why he’s so intent on playing it right

BC HE WANTS TO PLAY IT FOR WWX SO WWX CAN GET BETTER

We cut back to the dinner party where everyone’s still gossiping like high school kids, ugh, but we’re tolerating it because jyl starts to give us some wangxian pie

Jyl: where’s lwj? Haven’t you two been getting along well? 

JYL KNOWS WHATS UP

Wwx: is that so? (he says bitterly)

(wwx, this is your own fault. If you hadn’t been so mean to him before, he’d probs be there rn)

Eventually wwx gets fed up with the gossiping, snags a wine jar and leaves (yao is super insulted and it’s great)

Now wwx is wandering alone, drinking wine (he’s kind of a drunkard, if you hadn’t noticed yet) and HE SEES LWJ’S SILHOUETTE

Lwj is still alone in his rooms playing the guqin (~BEAUTIFULLY~)

And wwx pauses briefly to watch him

He starts walking away but stops himself a small distance later and makes himself comfortable leaning against some fence nearby AND STAYS THERE LISTENING TO LWJ PLAY

As he’s listening to lwj play, he flashes back to LWJ telling him that his wicked tricks will hurt him

EVERYBODY IS HURTING RIGHT NOW

LWJ IS ALL ALONE PLAYING HIS GUQIN

WWX IS ALL ALONE DRINKING HIS WINE

AND WE’RE ALL ALONE WATCHING THIS GO DOWN

AND THEY’RE BOTH HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS 

AND WE’RE HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

Now JC shows up to demonstrate that thing siblings do where they pick up on each other’s moods and get obnoxious about it

Jc: why do you look so gloomy? Is it bc of lwj?

JC KNOWS WHATS UP

Jc: he’s been avoiding you since we split up

Jc: why did you come here to be disliked by him?

WHY DID YOU COME HERE, HE SAYS, WHY DID YOU COME HERE OUTSIDE HIS ROOMS AND THEN JUST LOITER LIKE SOME CREEPY STALKER

Wwx: maybe i’m just bored

(his smile here is NOT his sunshine smile, it’s a very SAD smile. it gave me Depression™ )

Other stuff happens that are plotty and unimportant

There’s a scary bit where jyl get attacked by wwx’s flute but she handles it with grace bc she’s awesome

She’s like, ah, so i guess it recognizes you as its owner, you better name it then

And now wwx’s demon flute has a name. Chenqing

After that, wwx is looking at chenqing thoughtfully as ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing

And we cut to LWJ who grabs bichen and also starts looking thoughtfully at it

LWJ THEN STARTS A FLASHBACK TO WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL TOGETHER AND WWX TALKED ABOUT HARNESSING RESENTFUL ENERGY

LWJ LOOKS SO UNHAPPY HERE

We cut to the evil wen lair for some bizarre reason bc obvs we’re not here for evil wens, we’re here for wangxiantics

After THAT nonsense is done, we cut back to wwx and get to see him fail at meditation. After this he disappears for a bit.

We know this bc there’s a strategy meeting and jin zixun throws a hissy fit bc wwx isn’t there

Lwj is there and is stoically silent throughout it.

Nothing else of importance happens here

We find out wwx is out and about and sort of loses control of the resentful energy when he sees defenseless wens (the good ones!) getting bullied and whipped

It’s scary

Wwx plays his demon flute but doesn’t seem to be doing it by conscious choice

THIS IS BAD NEWS GUYS

IT WILL LEAD TO SAD TIMES FOR OUR BOYS

But for now we cut back to the strategy meeting where nothing happens but we do get some shots of lwj’s face so it’s not TOTAL waste of time

AND THEN WWX MAKES HIS ENTRANCE

DOORS SLAM OPEN WITH A STRONG BURST OF WIND

ROBES BILLOWING AROUND HIM AND HIS HAIR FLOWING MAJESTICALLY

I LOVE MY CHAOTIC BI

LOOK AT HIM 

Wwx: yeah, don’t worry about the Plot Device,bros, i got this

Lxc: what are you planning to do?

Wwx: you’ll see in a month~!

After the meeting the lan bros have a scene

We haven’t had lan bro time in a while, and this lan bro time is definitely worth the wait

Lxc: why is wwx so confident he’ll be able to handle the Plot Device?

LXC JUST ASSUMES LWJ WILL KNOW THIS

BC HE KNOWS HOW CLOSE THEY ARE

BC SIBLINGS JUST KNOW THINGS

Lwj: I don’t know

AND IT KILLS HIM THAT WWX WON’T LET HIM CLOSE ENOUGH, WON’T LET HIM IN

Lxc: the deaths at yiling, were they related to the Plot Device?

Lwj: No, lxc. He’s not like that.

HE’S NOT LIKE THAT

DID YOU HEAR HIM?

HE HAS FAITH IN HIS SOULMATE

EVEN AS OTHERS ARE STARTING TO DOUBT HIM

And now our lan bro time gets INTENSE

Lwj: lxc, are there rules already set for everything in the world?

Lxc tells him no, there are no set rules in the world, right and wrong are not always clear

Lwj: if people can’t be judged simply this way, then how do we evaluate a person?

Lxc: what makes us human can’t be judged simply as right or wrong. As we evaluate others, we shall not label them black or white but know their intentions deep inside

SUCH AN INTENSE CONVERSATION

SO VERY IMPORTANT

IT WILL SHAPE BASICALLY EVERYTHING LWJ DOES FROM NOW AND FOREVER

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO WWX

(who are we kidding, this whole convo was obviously about wwx from start to finish, lxc knows this)

Oh, and now the yunmeng bros show up. They’re walking along the same path as the lan bros and they pause when they see them

More specifically, there’s an awkward pause as lwj and wwx notice each other

AND IT’S SO FUNNY BC JC LOOKS AT WWX AS SOON AS LWJ COMES INTO VIEW

AND LXC LOOKS AT LWJ AS SOON AS LWJ NOTICES WWX

BC JC AND LXC KNOW WHATS UP

THEY BOTH KNOW THEIR BROTHERS ARE HELPLESS FOR ONE ANOTHER

IT’S LIKE THEY’RE WAITING TO SEE WHAT THEIR BROTHERS WILL DO

The awkward pause ends and the two pairs of brothers reach each other and do the formal greeting bow

Once they’re that close to each other, wwx’s attention immediately goes to lwj and lwj’s attention goes to wwx bc ofc it does

BUT THEY SAY NOTHING

NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING TO ANYONE

WHAT THE HECK

COMMUNICATION, EVER HEARD OF IT BROS??

Then wwx drops his gaze and looks away

And then he proceeds to WALK AWAY WITHOUT A WORD????

Lol jc gets kind of flustered here. 

He watches wwx walk away and is like ‘?!?!?’

He looks awkwardly at the lan bros, dithers for half a second, and then follows wwx

Now we’re alone with the lan bros again, And lxc is still trying so hard to wingman his bro!! Bc lxc knows whats up

Lxc: lwj, if you’re worried about wwx…

Lwj: not a bit.

And then he walks off! Just walks out on his brother again!!

LWJ I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS ALREADY

THE WHOLE ‘NO OFC I DON’T CARE ABOUT WWX’ AND STORMING OFF

WHAT HAPPENED LWJ

STOP REGRESSING

THAT’S NOT GONNA HELP 

Now we’re with the Yunmeng bros

Jc: be honest with me, you and lwj decided to cut ties just like that?

(jc still knows whats up)

Wwx: he’s the one who cut ties, not me!

MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T BEEN SO MEAN TO HIM BEFORE WWX, HE WOULDN’T BE AVOIDING YOU

We cut to lwj who’s walking alone now. Some time must’ve passed but it’s unclear how much tbh

Lwj walks towards a door

wwx’s door to be exact

And he almost knocks on the door

but he chickens out

HE WAS SO CLOSE!! SO!! CLOSE!!!

HIS FIST WAS RAISED AND JUST A COUPLE INCHES FROM THE DOOR

AND HE STOPS HIMSELF???

He just stared at the door and then didn’t knock on it

I’M SO FRUSTRATED WITH YOU LWJ

AND HE JUST TURNS TO WALK AWAY LIKE NOTHING???

Thank god jyl shows up and stops him bc jyl still knows whats up

Jyl: are you here for wwx?

Instead of answering, lwj bows politely at her and turns to walk away AGAIN

(which, rude, don’t leave your future sister-in-law hanging like that)

Jyl: wait, i have a question for you

We cut to wwx who is walking to his room and he overhears lwj and jyl talking about how wicked tricks hurt the mind/body

wwx interrupts and he’s very cold about it

Wwx: lan zhan, what are you telling jyl?

Lwj: wei ying

Wwx: i remember telling you to stay out of our business

GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW ICY HIS TONE IS HERE

HE’S COMPLETELY FREEZING OUT LWJ, HIS SOULMATE

Lwj’s eyes flicker down for a second bc 

THAT 

SHIT 

HURTED

Then he just turns on his heel and walks away

He walks away quickly

He was fleeing the scene bc it hurt so damn much

Jyl comes to lwj’s defense and tells wwx that lwj was only answering questions she had asked him. 

Wwx asks her if lwj mentioned anything about what went down in Yiling, and she tells him that lwj didn’t say anything about that.

We cut to a courtyard or smth and we see wwx chasing down lwj

Wwx: lan zhan, lan zhan!

IT’S SUCH A RELIEF

HE ALMOST SOUNDS NORMAL HERE

And then lwj ruins it by attacking him with bichen

Wwx blocks him with his demon flute (and that works??? for Magic Reasons, i guess??? Pretty sure the flute should’ve been sliced to pieces but whatev)

After a brief scuffle, lwj manages to get bichen at wwx’s throat

Wwx freezes, eyes closed, and waits for the hit to land

Like he really thought lwj would cut his throat open just like that??? WHY DO YOU THINK HE’D EVER HURT YOU?? WHY?? HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH

Lwj obviously doesn’t let the hit land

But the tip of his blade stops only a hair’s width away from wwx’s throat

(it’s kinda hot, and i couldn’t even tell you why…)

(actually it’s probably bc of all that exposed neck wwx is showing)

(so open…and vulnerable…)

(…uh, moving along now)

Once wwx realizes he’s not getting beheaded today, he gets all playful. PLAYFUL!! WE HAVEN’T SEEN THIS SINCE BEFORE LOTUS PIER’S FALL!! it’s beautiful, i’ve missed it so much

Wwx: all these months, and you’ve only improved!

Lwj: it’s you who hasn’t improved at all! Where is suibian?”

And for a change of pace, we get to see wwx doing a Death Grip on Chenqing

That’s the end of the episode

SO INTENSE

SO MANY FEELINGS

SO MANY KNOWING SIBLINGS WHO KNOW THINGS ABOUT THEIR BROTHERS AND THEIR GENERAL INEPTITUDE WITH FEELINGS!!

20/10 stars for Siblings manning the Wangxian Ship.

Return to Masterpost

[baepop]

PRIVATE // 1

You meet a captivating stranger whose sudden appearance stirs the unrequited feelings of your best friend.

Word Count: 7.5k

Pairing: Jungkook x You x Jennie

Genre: Slight angst/fluff, slight smut (aka: the buildup)

A/N: Happy pride month bitches! Bisexual fic coming your way!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Everything about Jennie was as proper as could be. Her shoes never seemed to scuff, not even the pair with the studs that she loved so much; her pleated skirts never dared utter a single wrinkle and if you ever thought to see a hair out of place, even after a session of hot yoga, well…you’d thought wrong. When Jennie first started coming around, you swore she was some park avenue princess with the way she insisted on paying for meals and buying you things without having known each other long. You two had met through a friend of a friend at a mellow house party but never exchanged social media or anything. You just couldn’t see yourself befriending her, preferring instead to focus on your studies for your senior year of college. Making it to these parties occasionally and chatting up strangers for a while was all you really had time for. So it was much to your surprise running into Jennie at a café on campus that you frequented weekday afternoons whenever you didn’t have class or work. She had tapped you on your shoulder then embraced your figure once you turned around to see who was invading your personal space. That day she had on a canary yellow peacoat and her hair smelled of coconut, two things you’d noticed as her arms lingered around your frame for a beat too long. The next day she wore a mauve peacoat that perfectly complimented the blush on her cheeks. Next was periwinkle and then taupe before you finally asked her why she was suddenly such a fan of the coffee on your campus seeing as how she wasn’t a student at the university.

“Well, I…I’m not actually. The coffee here is subpar and don’t even get me started on the tea selection.” You stared at her with a blank expression until she defeatedly sighed and placed her mug on the table. “You didn’t give me your number before you left Yoongi’s party. And when I asked him for it, he refused to give it to me and instead told me I could probably find you here.” You both sat there staring at each other for what seemed like minutes before you gave up, breaking eye contact to sip on your coffee and turn to the next page in your psychology book. At that point you didn’t care why she wanted to befriend you so bad, but you also didn’t care enough to push her away, so you two sat there in comfortable silence as you went over this week’s cognitive dissonance chapter. You figured you had made a good impression at the party and she probably didn’t have much going on to keep herself busy.

It didn’t take long for Jennie to weasel her way into being your best friend despite your callous indifference of her incessant presence in the coffee house. It also wasn’t a coveted title to obtain as you hadn’t been a social butterfly lately. It took a good amount of begging before she convinced you to sign up for yoga classes with her, held on the evenings 4 floors below her penthouse, only a month after she began visiting you on campus. At that point, you hadn’t minded her company so much anymore as you got to know the goofy yet intelligent aspects of her personality that vibed well with your own. If you were being truthful with yourself, you were happy Jennie had managed to become a good friend of yours because things had gotten stale and lonely having only your schoolwork and job to focus on. Still, however, Jennie remained an enigma to you as generally people of her stature didn’t go out of their way to befriend someone like you, especially when you’ve made them work for it. One night, you agreed to go up to her place for a glass of wine after yoga and that’s when all the walls finally came down. The façade of her perfect image came tumbling down as she admitted to feeling immense pressure to be who everyone else thought she was. She also admitted to finally feeling seen that night you two met at Yoongi’s party when you complimented the song she played on the stereo. Everyone was complaining about her music choices being too mellow to dance to but once you had arrived at the party you loved the strum of the guitar you heard as you sipped on your drink and decided to compliment whoever it was that was playing the song. The memory of her babbling into her glass for 45 minutes as her top knot loosened and drooped over her forehead was a warm one that never quite left you. And it was also the same night where you started to finally let her in.

***

“Let’s get pizza.” Jennie looked up from scrolling on her endless Instagram feed at the sound of her stomach rumbling.

Without looking up from your phone, you shook your head no and replied, “Nah, sorry I have to tutor that kid in a bit, remember?” Jennie sucked her teeth and solemnly went back to her phone screen.

“Why did you agree to do that anyway?” she whined childishly.

“You know I could really use the money Jen. A girls got bills.” You sighed as you scrolled past a beautiful pair of boots advertised on your timeline.

“I will literally buy you whatever you want, you know that.” Jennie rolled her eyes as her face settled into a pout while leaning her head into her palm.

“I know, and that’s the problem.” You chuckled bitterly. “I’ve got way too many family members born next month so I need to save up some money for presents. You can come shopping with me if you want.”

“Ugh okay, but I’m not letting you drag me into another thrift shop! Those places give me the heebie-jeebies! Who knows what ---”

The alarm on your phone signaling the tutoring session approaching interrupted Jennie mid-sentence. You shot her an apologetic look as her pout became even more pronounced. “We can get pizza when I’m done. Gotta go for now though! Text ya later.” You swung your bookbag across your shoulder and swiftly entered the elevator that would take you to the main floor. As you descended through all 21 floors, you recalled how uncomfortable it was to hang out at her place in the beginning stages of your budding friendship. Now you’ve gotten so used to the obscure paintings on the walls and expensive decorations that you wondered if it was you who was making space for her eccentricity in your life or if it was her lavish lifestyle that was making way for boring old you. Just then the doors swung open into the hustle and bustle of the lobby, effectively interrupting your train of thought as you blended into the chaos of busy people.

 ***

“Jeon Jungkook?” You bent over to peer at the brown-haired boy who was huddled over his laptop’s screen. This café on campus was one of the less popular ones, which made it easier to assume this boy was your tutee as he was the only one at the café apart from a girl hunched over a table lightly snoring. He peered up at you in a double-take then settled on the screen of his laptop as he ferociously jabbed on the directional keys of the keyboard.

“Yeah, that’s me…are you the…tutor?” His distractedness during your introduction confused you before you glanced at his computer and realized he was in the middle of an online SMITE match. Normally you would be content in waiting for him to finish before you could start the session but the idea of missing out on pizza annoyed you. You decided to close his laptop shut and keep your finger on top of it until he was forced to give you his undivided attention.

“Hi! I’m (Y/N), your English tutor. If you don’t mind, I have plans later so I’d like to get started as soon as possible.” You plastered a wide smile on your face. The boy, too stunned to respond, sat there frozen as you dropped your book bag onto the chair and began taking out a notebook and a pencil.

“Sorry.” You heard him mumble under his breath but pretended not to hear it to avoid an awkward moment. Instead, you smiled at him again and asked exactly what he needed help with. “We’re reading this book in class right now and there’s a book report due next week. The language is really obscure, and I don’t even know how to begin analyzing the context.” You picked up his copy of the book and fanned the worn out pages.

“Well, lucky for you this is one of my favorite books! So I can actually help you a lot with your report.” You handed the book back to him with a smile and wink. Jungkook instantly blushed and chuckled while rubbing the back of his neck.

“Thanks in advance, I have a feeling I’ll be needing a lot of your help.” Jungkook’s quick sweep of your body didn’t go unnoticed but nonetheless, you decided to dive into the tutoring session. It was hard to ignore the butterflies in your stomach throughout as you noticed more and more how boyishly handsome he was and what a nice smile he had. The possibility of him being into you made it harder to concentrate and made you blush when you accidentally had skin to skin contact while taking a paper from his hands. Being flustered was extremely unlike you, but you credited your sudden lameness to your year-long lack of sex. Taking a deep breath gave you a moment of clarity and the resolve to finish the session as professionally as possible.

“So…when can I see you again? For tutoring I mean?” Jungkook tried hard to stay as nonchalant as possible but his crooked smile directed downwards as he packed up his belongings gave it away. During the session you realized he didn’t need much help at all and would most likely only need the one day of tutoring. Nonetheless, you decided to take the bait, but not without making him work for it.

“If you feel the need for more tutoring sessions you can schedule an appointment on the school’s website.” With that, you swiftly zipped up your book bag and headed out of the coffee shop.

***

It only took a couple days to receive Jungkook’s request for a follow-up tutoring session set for Thursday of next week. You chuckled in the bright glow of your computer’s screen that shown brightly in your dark room. When you clicked on the notification to expand the details of his request, you noticed the location preference was set to his dorm room. Your light chuckle turned into a breathy laugh. This kid had balls, you had to admit. You kept waiting for his cheekiness to rub you the wrong way sober you up but the more signs he showed of interest the more you were inclined to entertain them. It wasn’t like you to let the other person take charge in your relationship, preferring instead to be completely transparent from the beginning and taking joy in asking the other out. You didn’t care much for games and titles but the one of “dominant” given to you by your freshman year friends was not lost on you. You, instead, chose to embrace it and accept that your ‘take charge’ attitude would turn off undesirable suitors and attract the kind of people you could actually be with. You leaned back in your chair and sipped on your tea before hitting the “accept” button and shutting off your computer.

That night you tried to fall asleep but too many thoughts of your upcoming graduation, approaching due dates for schoolwork and a very cute brunette junior kept you up until dusk. Just when you finally started to drift off to sleep, you felt a soft dip in the bed that instantly woke you.

“Sorry, sorry...” Jennie whispered as she got under the covers. You looked at her incredulously before she responded again, “I couldn’t sleep and your bed is comfy. Also, you left your keys attached to the door again. You should really be more careful (Y/N).” You hummed in agreement, too tired to address her forced entry into your apartment and settling to be big spoon for the night.

The obnoxious sounds of your phone’s alarm awoke both of you with a start. Jennie grumbled and pressed a pillow to her ears. “It is an ungodly hour to be awake! Turn it off!” You immediately grabbed your phone and hopped out of bed to start getting ready for work. “What are you doing?” Jennie rubbed her eyes and squinted at you through the golden morning rays shining through the discombobulated shutters on your bedroom window.

“I have work in an hour. We can’t all be sleeping princesses until noon.” You stuck your tongue out at her before beginning to brush your teeth. Jennie rolled her eyes and went back to bed. She was already long used to your poking fun at her lazy and rich lifestyle, choosing to simply ignore your quips.

You managed to get ready at a record-breaking speed of 20 minutes. As you slipped the last shoe on, you peered at Jennie whose body lay impossibly still under the covers with her shiny black hair spilling out onto your pillow like plant roots. You decided to tip toe over to check if she was already sleeping. You didn’t want to wake her, so you settled for moving her bangs out of her eyes and whispering “I’ll see you after work” before heading out for the day. You could’ve sworn you noticed her blushing but figured it was all in your imagination.

 ***

Working at the boutique wasn’t your favorite thing in the world but the pay was decent. You had started working there your sophomore year after seeing a “help wanted” ad in the window of a small men’s formal suiting shop. You were at the downtown fashion district with your usual group of freshman year friends killing time and decided there wasn’t any harm in filling out an application at the counter. The job had looked easy enough, but after getting hired you soon learned differently. You realized just how difficult it was to take charge of older men in conversations about men’s suiting, and even more so dressing them. It took a lot of guts and studying men’s fashion before you grew into your own at the shop. The effort you started putting into your job along with increasingly difficult classes had you falling out of contact with those same friends. You had to admit that the thought of growing apart from your friends was much less painful than you thought it might be freshman year. Your likes and goals were entirely different by now, but most importantly, you were becoming someone you liked and respected.

That afternoon after leaving Jennie in your bed, you found yourself focusing on steaming the leg on a pair of gray linen pants when suddenly you heard the bell at the top of the entrance ring signaling a customer entering the store. You immediately turned off the steamer and rushed to the counter to greet them only to be dumbstruck at the sight in front of you. Jungkook and an older man entered the store amidst conversation. Your utter confusion rendered you speechless as they looked around the store for help.

“Ah, young lady, do you work here?” The older man addressed you kindly across the store.

You looked between him and Jungkook for a moment before your professionalism kicked in. “Yes! Hi, sorry! I was busy steaming and didn’t see you guys. Welcome to Suits 4 U, how can I assist you guys today?” You kept your eyes trained on the older gentleman but didn’t miss how Jungkook’s mouth hung open the entire time. Did he know you worked there before showing up or was it just a mere coincidence? Either way, the excitement of seeing him unexpectedly before your tutoring session gave you a tiny thrill masked under your polite smile.

“Well, I’m here with my son to get him fitted for his first suit. He has an internship coming up this summer at a finance company and we need him to look his best.” The man chuckled while patting Jungkook’s shoulder. His eyes formed crescent moons while smiling which instantly disarmed you. “Is Raphael here? I’ve been coming to him for years; this shop is just great.”

You laughed and tucked some hair behind your ear. “Thank you so much! He’s not in right now but, I can help you out myself if that’s okay. Your son looks to be about a 32 waist and 34 inseams?” The older man nodded in astonishment and looked towards Jungkook to confirm.

“Uh…yeah that’s exactly right.” Jungkook rubbed his neck in embarrassment.

“Don’t be shy, kook! You let the nice lady fit you for a good suit and I’ll be right here if you need me.” You and the man exchanged smiles before walking around the counter to show Jungkook to the fitting area behind the curtains. You helped him up onto the platform in front of 3 adjacent mirrors before busying yourself looking for a style of suit in his sizes that would flatter him.

Jungkook cleared his throat before speaking, “So…I didn’t know you had two jobs. Must be rough during your senior year.”

Without missing a beat, you responded, “How did you know I was a senior?”

“You mentioned it in your Facebook status.” Jungkook quickly replied with a straight face.

“So, you stalked me?” You laughed incredulously.

“More like researched. You’re a pretty private person so I didn’t find much if that makes you feel better.” Jungkook smiled widely which made you instinctively blush. Too flustered to respond you simply handed him a white button-down shirt. He immediately removed his plain black t-shirt and began buttoning the white one at an incredibly slow pace. You caught his eyes in the center mirror and realized he saw you ogling at his pecks. You immediately turned around as he continued watching you through the mirror with a shit-eating grin.

“Here, put these on.” You handed him a matching black chino suit with a European tailoring finish. Jungkook hadn’t stopped staring at you as he removed his pants and dressed himself. You were determined not to swoon at his gorgeous physique in front of him, choosing instead to jut your hip out and cross your arms while tapping your foot. “You take forever to get dressed.”

“I could use your help.”

“With?”

“Tucking my shirt in, I don’t want to wrinkle it.”

You scoffed and proceeded to gingerly tuck his shirt around his waist. You didn’t miss the way his abs reflexively twitched as your hands got to the front of his pants. He put the blazer on at once then adjusted his cuffs in the mirror. You had to admit that the way the pants tapered in on his ankles and how the blazer did the same around his waist was very flattering. You absent-mindedly brushed lint off his shoulder and brushed out the wrinkles on the arms while admiring your work in the mirror. As your eyes made their way up his frame you caught his cocky ass grin again which only made you roll your eyes. “What now, Jeon? What is so funny to you?”

“Just admit you’re into me.” You froze for a second before responding.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me pretty well. I think that you’re into me and the way you act all tough in front of me really turns me on, so I’d like to take you out on a date sometime.”

Before you could reply, Jungkook’s dad appeared from behind the curtains and whistled at the sight of his son in a tailored suit. “Wow, that looks really good. If you’re okay with it Kook I think we’ll take it!”

“I don’t know dad, what do you think (Y/N)? Does this look good on me?” Jungkook bit his bottom lip, looking you in the eyes and daring you to confirm his beliefs. The audacity this guy had to call you out had you at a loss for words for the second time tonight. You settled for nodding and smiling.

You decided to wait behind the counter for Jungkook to undress, making small talk with his dad to pass the time. His love for his son was evident in the way he spoke so highly of him to a mere stranger. The thought warmed your heart. In a matter of 5 minutes, you were waving them both out of the door with Jungkook’s new suit in a garment bag. The remainder of your shift went by painfully slow without the silky haired boy entertaining you. You briefly considered canceling your upcoming tutoring session since it was evident the professionalism between you two was shot after this afternoon. But who were you kidding? There was no way you were going to let him get the better of you, it just wasn’t in you to submit.

 ***

You snapped out of your reverie at the feeling of a piece of popcorn bouncing off your cheek. As you turned your head to look at Jennie, several popcorn pieces fell out of your hair and onto the shaggy white rug you were sitting Indian style on. It was movie night at Jennie’s apartment, but the foreign film wasn’t captivating your interest, not when you had Jeon’s abs on your mind.

“Hey what gives?!” You started to flick pieces of popcorn back at Jennie as you found them in the carpet. She giggled while swatting them away from her face.

“Watching this movie was YOUR idea and you’re not even paying attention! You’ve been all daydreamy lately. Are you going to tell me what’s up or not?” Jennie set her bowl of popcorn aside and crossed her arms, giving you a pointed look. When it comes to Jennie, there is no escape once the interrogation starts. This wouldn’t be the first time you were under fire for withholding information from her. Despite preferring to be a private person, you never minded being completely transparent with Jennie. With time, you came to understand how loyal and trustworthy she was. Being left in the dark was just something that always bothered her, which you could understand. You sighed as you turned away from the television to face her.

“You know that guy I tutored the other day?”

“Yea?”

“I kinda want to fuck him.” Jennie froze for a second as she searched for something in your eyes.

“Okay…um…well, does he reciprocate your feelings?’

“I think he’s made it pretty obvious yeah. I just don’t know though, I’ve never been into younger guys but he’s…really hot.” You laughed as a blush overtook your cheeks. Your admission embarrassed you, even in front of your best friend. Jennie bit her lip as she laid horizontally on the couch staring at the ceiling.

“Do you have a picture of him?”

“Hmm…I can show you his Instagram.” Admitting you already perused his social media made you further embarrassed. “Before you judge me, it’s been a really long time, okay?” You scrolled on his page for a bit before finding a good enough picture of him to show her then reluctantly handed your phone over. After analyzing the selfie of him on his bed, Jennie went back to his page and started looking at other pictures of him: ones of him in his baseball uniform, laughing on a couch with a few of his friends, dancing in a goofy manner to some pop song and the list goes on. After a minute, she rolled her eyes and handed the phone back to you. Her reaction had you quirking an eyebrow as you grabbed it from her hands. “…What?”

“Oh, nothing.” Jennie closed her eyes and intertwined her hands over here stomach, intent on not giving anything away. You lunged at her sides to unleash a flurry of tickles.

“Tell me, wench!” Your consistent tickling had her hollering at the top of her lungs and squirming to escape your grip.

“I’ll never say, peasant!” You decided to straddle her midsection and pin her flailing legs down,  holding her wrists to do the same.

“Jennie Ruby Jane. Tell me, NOW!” Your long brown hair fell over your shoulder and tickled her cheek. She turned her head to the side as a final act of rebellion which only spurred your torturing on further. You began to hock a loogie dramatically which earned a valley of squeals from the pale girl.

“Okay! Okay!” You chuckled at the sign of her defeat and sat back on her hips, letting her wrists go. She sat up on her forearms pouting up at you. “You’re so extra!” the girl shouted with amusement in her eyes. After a moment of silence, she spoke, “I just think he looks like a fuck boy. It’s not going to go anywhere between you guys.” You let out a breathy laugh at her admission.

“No shit, I just want some dick!”

“Then why are you getting blushy and daydreamy if he’s only a dick to you?” She challenged you.

“Ummmm, maybe because it’s been a while and it’s nice to get some male attention during these barren times?” You rolled your eyes and climbed off of her.

“Yeah, whatever (Y/N). Keep telling yourself that.” Jennie returned your eye roll with her own and fully sat up on the couch.

“Are we going to watch this movie or not!? You’re making it hard to focus!” You continued on with your dramatic act but failed as a smiled tugged at your lips.

“OMG, you are unbelievable!” Both of you laughed and resumed your movie, only one of you being content to put that conversation behind.

***

Your Thursday afternoon shift at work dragged on because of how much you were looking forward to the tutoring session with Jungkook set for right after. Your finger drumming on the front counter and persistent glances at the clock earned some questions from the shop owner which you easily shrugged off as some trip you were looking forward to after work. As soon as the clock struck six you grabbed your jean jacket off of the coat rack and caught the shuttle back to campus. The junior dorms were just a stop before the coffee shop stop, so you already knew where you were going. You decided to just wear your work clothes paired with a denim jacket since the tight-fitting black dresses you wore as a work uniform were nice anyway. Just before you arrived at the lobby of the dorms, you caught your reflection in a car window and decided to check how you looked. Nothing unusual stood out. Your long curly hair swung just above your behind and your mascara and eyebrow gel still held on strong, the only two things you allowed on your face since the number of times you rubbed your face during class made it virtually unrealistic to wear a full face of makeup. Because of that, you settled for wearing shorter clothing that would show off your long legs. Feeling sexy in your own skin without putting way too much effort into your image was something you learned was the perfect combination to feeling happy with yourself, which was hard to do as you were generally always the tallest woman in the room. It took a long time to build self-confidence, but you were happy with where you currently were in your life. With a deep breath to calm your excitement, you headed into the lobby where Jungkook was already waiting for you. He looked up from his phone and immediately spotted you entering the building. His eyes lingered on your legs covered in sheer black tights before meeting your eyes with his own dark orbs. You felt butterflies at the instant your gazes locked and held for a few seconds. You decided to breakaway first, looking down with a small smile and waving.

“Hey, Jungkook. You ready to study?” Jungkook simpered as he looked down towards his feet with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah I am, but it looks like you aren’t. Where’s your book bag and why are you dressed like that?” He gestured towards your subtle cleavage. You crossed your arms and gaped at him, confused as to why he was questioning you instead of complimenting you. Jungkook watched your mouth open and close before he chuckled and began heading towards his room. Luckily his room was on the first floor so there wouldn’t be an awkward elevator ride. As you walked behind him you pressed your cold hands onto your hot blushing cheeks wondering if you misread this whole situation. “Thanks for agreeing to come to the dorms this time. This was the only time I was free to get tutored, but I couldn’t leave the dorms tonight. I hope it didn’t make you uncomfortable.” His words made you all the more confused. Surely he didn’t feel the need to pretend this was anything other than a hookup, especially since he had already gotten you to come without much of a chase? You didn’t understand what he meant until he unlocked the door to his suite and a small child bombarded his legs, clinging on for dear life.

“Kookie! Kookie! You took forever!” Jungkook smiled and patted the child’s head before picking him up so you could enter into the suite.

“I was only gone a few minutes! Anyways, what do you say to a pretty lady?” Jungkook laughed as the small boy buried his head into the crook of his neck with shyness.

“…Hewwo…” You smiled at the child and greeted him back before looking up at Jungkook in utter confusion.

“I’m babysitting for my parents tonight while they celebrate their 20th anniversary. This is my little brother, Sammy. He’s a real good kid and agreed to quietly color in his coloring book while I study, right bud?” The young boy nodded without looking up at him, clearly displeased to have a stranger take his big brother’s attention away. You smiled sweetly at Jungkook to show him everything was okay with you. It was only after he placed his brother on the floor in front of his crayons that crippling embarrassment settled red and hot behind your face and prickled at your scalp. You had misread the situation after all, and even worse, assumed Jungkook was just some fuck boy looking to fake being serious about his studies in order to fuck tutor girls. He wouldn’t have been the first one you ran into, but it was now clear that you shouldn’t have lumped him into the same category. Swallowing your pride and shame, you placed your jacket on the back of his chair and pulled another one up to the desk to start the session. For about an hour, you helped Jungkook finalize his book report and put the finishing touches on his powerpoint presentation about his report. Once you both looked out of the window and saw how late it was getting, you decided to wrap things up. Turning to Sammy who was busy passionately coloring an orange elephant, you smiled and squatted near the page.

“Ready to spend some time with Kookie, Sammy? You looked up at Jungkook and winked, appreciating the way that the nickname coming from you flustered Jungkook. The young boy looked up from his art and nodded.

“Bye-bye! Um…”

“(Y/N), how do you do.” You talked in a funny voice that made Sammy giggle. Standing up and stretching your arms once more, you looked towards Jungkook who held your jacket for you to take. “Thanks. So…good luck with your presentation.” You kicked yourself at the lame way you chose to say goodbye but decided it was best to cut your losses and avoid further embarrassment.

“Thanks, I’ll walk you out.” Both of you headed out into the hallway and walked slowly towards the lobby in silence. After a few long moments, Jungkook finally broke the quiet, “So about that date…. What do you say?” You turned to him in disbelief before looking back down at your shoes. You had thought when he asked you on a date back at the shop that it was his way of getting you into bed. Once again you felt shame for being such a pessimistic pervert.

“I didn’t know you were serious about that.” You admitted.

“Yeah, I figured with the way you showed up to our study session.” Jungkook laughed as he playfully pulled on the hem of your dress so that it slapped your thigh when he let go. You pouted and stared straight ahead, unable to defend yourself. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d have loved to show you a good time tonight, but that’s not really my style. Especially with intellectual women. I want to show you a different kind of good time, at least at first. You turned toward his face in time to catch him biting his bottom lip. It was as if his mouth had a direct connection to your lower abdomen, feeling that magnetic pull between you two that you couldn’t shake. Part of you felt relieved to know it wasn’t all in your head, and the other part of you was determined to redeem yourself.

As you opened the door to the outside, you paused and swung your hair over your shoulder to look at him briefly. “Pick me up this weekend. I want to go see that new DC movie, you can take me to the movies and then we’ll get ice cream. DM me on Instagram so we can agree on a time.” With that, you closed the door behind you and headed towards the shuttle stop, content with yourself for not sneaking a peak behind you. When did you become so lame in front of guys? You idly wondered about the effects that lack of sex could have on the psyche of woman the entire shuttle ride towards your apartment.

***

You woke up to the thin rays of sunlight peering through the drawn blinds of your bedroom window. They illuminated Jennie’s face with a healthy golden glow, showcasing the subtle rhythmic movement of her chest as she slept. You felt a wave of affection at the thought of her being extra careful last night getting into your bed so as not to wake you. You idly wondered why she preferred to share this bed with you when she had a big beautiful canopy bed at her even more beautiful apartment. Then again, you remembered how lonely she must have felt when moving here without friends or family. You cuddled closer to her as the big spoon, wrapping your right arm around her torso and pulling her into your chest. The slight movement woke Jennie for a few seconds before she hugged your arm tightly and went back to sleep, taking you into unconsciousness with her.

You awoke a few hours later, well into the afternoon in the same position you had fallen asleep in only this time, Jennie’s snoring was loud enough to quake the glass of water on your nightstand. Your raspy chuckle was barely audible as you stared at her mouth that hung open while she violently slept. Careful so as not to wake her, you gingerly slid your arm out of her grasp and pulled the covers off of your bodies since the heat was making you a little sweaty. Your eyes bulged while taking in the view south of the bed. Jennie had taken her pants off before climbing into bed and was only sporting a bright red G-string. You forced yourself to look anywhere other than her perfect bottom until your heart stopped beating as fast as it was. What the hell, Jennie? You cursed yourself for giving her a key to your apartment after her initial forced entry. The lack of sex is really getting to you, you thought as you carefully covered her back up and climbed out of bed. Suddenly, you heard the snoring stop and a few light moans coming from the bed.

“Where’d you go?”, Jennie softly called out as she rubbed her eyes.

“In the bathroom!” You reply as best you can while brushing your teeth. Jennie groans then rolls over, pulling the covers on her further.

“Come back…”

“Sorry, I overslept enough as it is. I have some stuff I need to get done before my date tonight!” You replied in a sing-song voice before spitting the foam out of your mouth and rinsing your toothbrush in the sink.

“Your WHAT!?”, Jennie immediately sat up and ripped the covers off of her.

“Yeah, sorry I totally forgot to update you. I didn’t end up fucking that guy. Instead, he asked me out on a date! I’m actually excited to go, I feel like such a freshman.” Your giddy mood seemed to frustrate Jennie even more. She quietly got out of bed, pulled her pants on, grabbed her purse from your nightstand and left your apartment.

“Jennie?!” You called after her but the only thing you got in response was your door slamming loudly. You sucked your teeth and continued washing your face. You didn’t know why she was in such a bad mood. Sure, you didn’t tell her about how things progressed with Jungkook but it wasn’t exactly her business. This is why I haven’t dated any girls on campus recently, girls can be so moody sometimes. You took a deep breath and headed into your room to get changed, determined not to let Jennie’s childishness ruin your day.

***

Your date with Jungkook had been going well so far. He picked you up from your apartment 5 minutes early on foot. You two walked to the shuttle stop in silence since there really wasn’t much to talk about. You two had only just met and didn’t know much about each other or shared any experiences yet. You hated first dates for this reason, preferring instead to just hook up without the need to feign a relationship or only date someone you’re already friends with. You had gotten good at small talk since working at the suit shop had you conversing with all kinds of people regularly. But it still wasn’t thrilling nor any less awkward. Once you both had exhausted all the commonplace questions like “How was your day” and “What’s your favorite color”, you both sat on the shuttle on the way to the campus’ cinema in silence. Why had you agreed to this? You were really off your game at this point in time. You looked over at Jungkook and noticed him staring off into the distance looking quite alarmed. His pensive face made you giggle which snapped him out of his reverie.

“What?” He looked at you with a half-smile confused.

“Your face…you looked so…shook!” You let out in between laughs. His cheeks became tinted pink with an exasperated gasp.

“Not you too! My teammates make fun of me for it all the time! Ugh!” Jungkook complained with exaggerated exclamation. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he began tickling your sides for not taking him seriously. The guffaw that followed was obnoxious enough to catch the attention of surrounding students riding the shuttle. It was at that moment that Jungkook realized how ticklish you were, to his elation and your immediate embarrassment. You both settled into your seats immediately after meeting the eyes of annoyed riders but couldn’t contain your giggles and light shoving for the rest of the ride. Eventually, after sufficient physical contact, you two ended up walking off of the shuttle holding hands.

***

Jungkook’s lips ravaged your neck as you struggled to open the door to your apartment, fumbling your key on the lock. You eventually did open it and the door slammed backward into the adjacent wall as Jungkook reached your lips and leaned into you, holding you by the hips. Your hunger to taste him had been contagious as you had taken the opportunity that the light ‘goodnight’ peck he gave you on the lips in front of your apartment presented to start a make-out session. There was no way you would let it end that way after wanting him the entire date. He had been a perfect gentleman, waiting in line to get you a bunch of snacks at the concession stand while you held your seats, draping his jacket over your shoulders once the chill of the night set in, and bringing you all the way to your apartment even though it was past the junior dorms. And now, as he tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth while his hands held both sides of your face in the middle of your apartment, you were absolutely sure you wanted to go all the way with Jeon Jungkook. You slowly lead Jungkook to your bedroom without detaching your lips. Once his legs made contact with your bed you pushed him back onto it and climbed on top of him. You began kissing down his neck as your arms made a cage around his head. With his eyes closed and sporting a cocky smile, “Woah there (Y/N), aren’t we taking things a bit too fast?” A throaty chuckle escaped his lips as you reached his Adam's apple.

“Shut up, Jeon.” You moved back up to his lips and stuck your tongue into his mouth which he welcomed, swirling his tongue around yours in equal fervor. His fingers slid up into your hair and tightened their grip on your strands, pulling lightly but firmly so that your head moved backward, giving him access to your neck. As he sucked on your neck, you could feel a bulge forming in his pants. You decided to rub your clothed mound on his growing bulge while he kissed behind your ear.

“Don’t do that.” Jungkook let out a breathy whisper into your ear which made tingles run down your spine and had you heavily convulsing. You decided to rub even harder down onto his clothed member which was now rock hard. However, you couldn’t keep it up for too long as Jungkook was suddenly on top of you in one swift motion.

“You don’t like to listen, do you?” He stared at your lips as he interlocked your fingers together, holding your hands above your head on the bed.

“Not really, no” Your breathy reply brought back that crooked smile you were starting to love so much. In response, Jungkook lowered himself onto you and began rubbing the head of his bulge right around where your clit would be under your pants. You couldn’t help but writhe under him, struggling against his ironclad grip on your hands.

“You’ll get this…”, Jungkook bucked his hips roughly onto your mound, “…when I say you can.” You took his attempt to dominate you as a challenge, wrapping your legs around his waist to bring his member back onto you while biting your lip. Jungkook’s eyes rolled backward in brief pleasure before attacking your lips again with renewed passion. After a while, you were both breathless with puffy lips. Jungkook cleared his throat and moved back to look into your eyes. You both let out laughs as your chests heaved in unison. Jungkook looked down at your swollen lips and ran his thumbs across them before rolling over and climbing off of you. “I should go.” Too stunned to say anything, you watched him straighten his clothing and wipe his mouth.

“Ummm…did I do something wrong?” You asked as you sat up to look at him properly. Jungkook smiled and walked back over to the bed, bending over to place a brief kiss on your pink lips.

“Of course not, just practicing a little restraint. I want to do things right.” He smiled with crescent moon eyes before turning and exiting your apartment.

Do things, right?

You let out an exasperated sigh and sagged back onto the bed with one arm covering your eyes in frustration. Suddenly you heard something shift in your room which made you sit back up in alarm.

“Jungkook?” You searched your room for the source of the noise before your eyes locked with another pair of eyes peering through the slits of your closet door. You froze in utter fear as you realized someone was in your closet. Suddenly, the door opened and you screamed, chucking a pillow at the intruder because it was the closest thing to you. Jennie caught the pillow and held it to her chest, watching you warily.

“Hey (Y/N)…”

“Jennie!?”

“I can explain.”

“YOU PERVERT!!!!!!”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Reunited (16x03)

I'm going to try and rapid-fire this review... there is always so much to talk about!

Cons:

Maggie continues to make everything about her. There's a moment when she's lamenting to her octogenarian patient that love isn't worth all of the backstabbing and pain, and it's like... Maggie, honey. This isn't about you. This is about an old man reminiscing about his life. Calm the heck down. I like Jackson and his new girlfriend fine, but mixing in the drama with Maggie is unnecessary.

I have been a Tom Koracick fan for a long while, but now he's acting like a whiny little baby. I don't really get his game here. When he was meeting Teddy's baby, he was totally sweet to her and said he'd wait for her when Teddy and Owen's relationship fell apart. But now he's behaving in such a way that it's hard to imagine Teddy taking him back, no matter what. The restraining order thing is mostly being played for laughs, but that doesn't really work. It's absurd.

I'm always glad to see Schmitt get some material, but this week he messed up something simple in a surgery and DeLuca had to swoop in and save the day. DeLuca is acting like a bit of a dick also. He's mad at Bailey for effectively benching him, because he believes it's on account of his relationship with Meredith. But he's coming across really condescending to his peers. I don't care if he is better than all of them. The way he behaved with Helm and now with Schmitt is not painting him in a very good light.

I also must say, I'm waiting for some more clarity on Bailey vs. Meredith. Bailey seems personally angry with her. I could see it as a thing where she's upset because Meredith basically forced her to fire her best doctors, but even that doesn't fully explain the vitriol. Maybe Bailey is annoyed because she agrees with Meredith's principles, but isn't allowed to say anything? I'm willing to give this the benefit of the doubt, as I bet we'll see this story develop over the season, but so far I'm lacking some clarity.

Pros:

Amelia and Link continue to be kind of adorable. After watching a couple be reunited after sixty years apart, Amelia decides that keeping the news of her pregnancy a secret is a bad idea - it's scary, but she wants to share this joy with the world. She and Link tell Meredith and DeLuca, and Meredith seems genuinely excited for her. This could really wind up being a cute story!

I'm still not on board with Owen and Teddy, but I do like that Teddy is coming back to work, and that she is not being demonized in the slightest for this decision. As Owen says, happy moms are better moms. You go, Teddy!

Meredith seems happy. She's obviously a little bit manic, as I'm sure she's extremely nervous about her medical license. But at the same time, she's standing up for what she believes is wrong with the medical system, and is getting ready to expose the nitty gritty truth. This could end up blowing up in her face, but she's standing up for her principles, and it seems to be making her really happy. It's also fun to see her and Andrew as such a well-adjusted and happy couple.

It's also cool to see Jo being such a bad-ass! She performs a surgery that Meredith was supposed to do. Bailey consents to have Meredith assist through an iPad, since she won't allow her to set foot in the hospital. There's a brief scare where it looks like Jo may have made a mistake, but she pulls through and saves the day. It was a cool moment of triumph for her, undercut by Bailey hanging up on Meredith as soon as the hard part of the surgery is over, and the fact that Qadri tries to stand up for Meredith by saying that she only came to this hospital to work with Meredith Grey. She gets fired for her trouble, which is a serious bummer, and I hope we see more of her anyway.

The plot thread with Richard and the two sisters with their brain-dead third sister was really interesting and ended up being a comedy of errors, when they discover that the mutilated brain-dead woman that they've been crying over is actually a stranger who stole their sister's purse, and not their sister. This was an odd plot thread, probably mostly there to showcase the guest stars, but I thought it worked pretty well. Especially the bait and switch at the end, with the reveal that Richard has just pulled the plug on a Jane Doe instead of an identified person. There's a moment where you think that maybe the hospital is on the upswing, but then another big mistake like this happens and you see that Richard and Alex have a long way to go. I hope Richard isn't about to be an adulterer again, as he tries calling his wife but doesn't get an answer, and decides instead to go out to dinner with an old friend who he finds working at the hospital.

See, this review isn't too long! I limited myself! I'm sure I've missed tons of details along the way, but this is about as good as I can do right now. This was a solid episode, even as the various relationship dramas continue to annoy the heck out of me.

8/10

[seddm]

One week later

I think that this time, despite the magnitude of what happened in the show, managed to have a mostly non-kneejerk reaction to it, but a week (and a looot of thinking) later, I think I got a better understanding about how and why I feel about this episode, S4 so far, and the show’s future as a whole. Going to make this a bullet-point style list because making a single conversation about all of this would be either too long, or end up feeling disconnected at times anyway. Bad things first, then the good ones to close on a positive note, for a change.

THE BAD

- The thing I always loved the most about this show has been its ability to use individual events and interactions between the characters in almost any given segments, even ones more fillery in nature, as a way to slowly advance the growth of the characters from a pre-established Big Event™ to the next one. This always gave the show an aura of strong continuity despite its storyboard driven and episodic nature, and allowed me to claim that even events clearly facilitated by some sort of plot based compulsion (such as the Truth Cube in Sleepover, or the photo booth in Booth Buddies) were still largely natural, just more flashy ways to push the characters in directions they were already taking.

The first episodes of S4, up to Curse of the Blood Moon, didn’t really do this. They felt heavily more compartmentalized than the usual: S3 ended in an explosive way that seemingly set up all the characters for immediate changes or payoff, but then this current season kinda ignored that. Not completely, because both Moon Remembers and Ransomgram has Marco tell Star things like “rip the bandaid off” and “own up to your mistakes”, which could be clearly applied to the “Tell Tom about the kiss” situation (never mind that she didn’t do that, it was still relevant and her going the wrong way about it was part of the point), but between an increased focus on plot and plot exclusively, and a two parter season premiere that chose to focus exclusively on finding Moon (reasonable decision, really, but it ended up making 40 minutes of show feel a bit empty on the emotions side, in my very subjective opinion), Curse of the Blood Moon seemed to happen a bit out of the blue, especially considering that Star and Marco’s feelings were apparently so strong and so intrusive to justify even Tom being able to see them in the former case, and Eclipsa’s comfort and counseling having been needed multiple times offscreen in the latter. Things that we didn’t see at all in the first 7 episodes, with the exception of Star never reacting to Tom telling her that he knew the kiss with Marco didn’t really mean anything. It’s not a necessarily tragic scenario, especially if the show purposefully wanted to wait for Curse to kick start a new chapter in the shipping of the show, but this bridging between seasons taking one third of the last one felt a bit excessive and largely devoid of sufficient build up to me.

- Kelly / Kellco. Anyone who’s familiar with my blog should know that I always struggle to never insult ships, characters or elements from the show that other people might like. And even now I don’t want to cheapen the value of personal preferences at all, nor tell anyone “No, you can’t ship this!”. But at the same time I have to say that, in the context of the show, these new Kellco developments look (ready to eat back my words in the future, as usual) extremely pointless, and handled badly. Kelly feelings something for Marco, kinda unilaterally liking him, that’s something the fandom has been speculating ever since Lava Lake Beach. They shared an emotional moment over heart break, and then clearly developed a friendship from there, and hanged out more. Kelly’s lines in The Ponyhead Show then confirmed without doubt that she felt something from Marco, but that he seemed to be largely unaware and oblivious about it. Just like you’d expect Marco to be, especially a Marco who spent the previous season focusing on how strong and intrusive his feelings for Star were.

At this point essentially everyone, me included, expected for Kelly’s World to be used as a way to bring up Marco’s unrequited (as far as he knew) feelings once again, to introduce Curse of the Blood Moon. I expected Marco to either go something like “Sorry Kelly but I’m not ready to give up on my feelings for Star” or, at worst, a frustrated Marco who’d have thought and reflected about Kelly’s feelings for him. Instead, out of the extreme blue, we got a Marco who was uncharacteristically all too aware of the situation, going “I don't want these feelings for Star they're getting in the way of other feelings" while being all blushy and then being more than receptive to Kelly’s emotionally confused flirting. Now, if this was reality, there would be absolutely nothing weird in a kid like Marco being dual in his feelings, really liking Star while also being tired about all the pain those feelings have been bringing him for the better part of a year and being receptive to another girl being ready to jump his bones. But this is not reality, and these events absolutely lacked any form of proper build up, they were (wow, I can finally use the word Starco haters have been throwing around for years!) forced. Not entirely, but for a great deal. Jarco had Sleepover and Naysaya providing a strong buildup to the ship revolving around Marco overcoming some personal hurdles; even Tomstar didn’t immediately go for the ship after the well-timed dance in Club Snubbed, but first had Demoncism, giving some sort of basis to the exes getting back together, and Tom and Star had a pre-established relationship and we both knew that Tom still wanted Star, and that Star still had hung up feelings for Tom, if just physical attractions ones (from her behavior in Blood Moon Ball and Mr. Candle Cares, very spread out over the show, I admit). Meanwhile Kellco went from “ok they shared an important moment one season ago and Janna teased Kelly in a holiday special episode but after that their interactions have been nothing but background ones” to “Marco and Kelly lose track of time reading about fighting on a bench, then as the warm hues of the sunset wash over them they fight hand in hand, as one body and one spirit, and the fireworks and music happen and there’s more blushing in a single scene that there has been in the whole show and in all the kisses in it so far”. That’s... very, very, very heavy handed. Very “manipulative”. Especially since Kelly and Marco aren’t even properly together yet I guess, since Marco might have gotten over his feelings for Star (hahaha yeah as if), but as far as we know Kelly still isn’t completely over Tad. So where is this relationship going to go from now? Why does it exist? In what ways it doesn’t shit on what Jarco already taught Marco? How is it going to “end” once Marco inevitably realizes he still feels thing for Star without making Kelly look like a throwaway rag? Obviously I don’t have the arrogance to assume I know how things are going to play out from here on, so who knows, maybe Kellco is going to be part of an important arc, but from where I’m standing, from what I know now, it’s hard not to see it as a hamfisted attempt at going “Haaaa these confused teens, it’s only fair that they get their share of experiences!”. Which is ok, sure, fine, but FICTION ≠ REALITY and things need some kind of build up and reason to happen. If it’s just supposed to be padding to keep the situation in a status quo for a while, “Marco is with Kelly and Tom is with Star and everything is right in the world and they don’t have to think about their feelings anymore” then... bleah.

- This is tangentially connected to both the previous points, and it’s not really THAT bad, just me being a bit nitpicky about a still legitimate direction the show decided to take: by having this constant comparison between THE OTHER SHIPS and STARCO, now stronger than ever after Curse, the former being very casual but also ultimately unrewarding, “we hold hands we blush a little and we are ready to kiss and be a couple”, while the latter being “dozens of life changing events are needed to progress the ship even by little; NOTHING BUT PAIN can ever come out of Starco for the people involved until it’s officially recognized as being completely and utterly full, pure, complete, mature and life lasting love”, can kinda give a wrong message about relationships and teen love, or an annoying one at least. “Hey kids, don't try to actually have fun or be happy with romance, because that's not how True Love™ works. If you actually find it kind of easy to be happy with your significant other, that isn't love!" [quote by @ngame989]. Obviously I’m using a hyperbole for the sake of clarity, and it’s clear that Star and Marco’s relationship is based on finding it easy to have fun together, always. But if we talk strictly about romance and the way the show approaches to it, it’s kinda undeniable that Starco has been nothing but a source of sadness so far, and the only genuine moment of happiness, this one, lasted about three seconds and overlapped with a realization of True Love.

By now I have fully accepted that the show is not going for an early Starco relationship to then show it growing and changing as the two make the first steps together, but that they’re waiting for a “ok we’re both completely sure this is what we want”, and it’s a completely fair direction for the show to take, but it also contributes to this “fetishization” of true love. Still, execution matters way more than the larger brush strokes in this case, so we’ll see.

- The timing. I’m going to talk about why this incoming arc can actually be a very good thing in a moment, but at the same time introducing the idea that the Blood Moon might have forced feelings now, 30% through the last season, when absolutely nothing before that ever referenced of foreshadowed it, and with essentially no references to the Ball throughout the show (last direct one was in Naysaya and it was Tom throwing shade at Marco...), feels kinda jarring to me.

- This is a bit more of a personal note, but not entirely: Star and Marco enter a dance in their memories with the specific goal of “destroying their feelings”. One minute into spending time together having fun without any kind of distraction for the first time in forever, they literally fall in love. Not crush, love. The whole setup of the Severing Stone’s function literally confirms that. What kind of tension can Kellco and Tomstar deliver now that we know that Star and Marco can and will fall in love with each other if given a moment to truly think about nothing but each other and themselves? The endgame was kinda clear before as well, but now it has officially ruined any chance at making other ships feel worthwhile - beyond their value for the growth of the characters involved, obviously. I mean their intrinsic value as a ship / source of romantic drama.

THE GOOD

- Even if I’m not a fan of the timing, I can see a lot of potential in an arc revolving around the question “Are these feelings genuine? Is Marco/Star the person I truly love and want to be with?”. Now, obviously we know that the feeling were genuine and that the Curse didn’t force anything, so it’s not really the answer to the question that matters. What’s important is how they’re going to get to that: by having Star and Marco more or less directly tackle this question in a context where there is apparently no sadness and pain brought from unwanted feelings, some positivity can FINALLY be associated with Starco as a romantic relationship. Obviously we don’t know how things are going to play out now, but if both dorks are now convinced that they are only friends (something that didn’t happen at the same time since early S2) they can enjoy their relationship to its absolute fullest, and see along the way, together this time, that they both want more. I don’t know if one or both of them lied about not having feelings anymore, or if it’s placebo effect, or if the Severing Stone has some lingering after effects. What I know is that these two now feel like they can be completely comfortable around each other once again, while still having all the feelings of friendship that were the base for the romance once already,

and that the last time they had a moment to truly be together with each other and enjoy their feelings to their fullest, they fell in love, like love for real, certified by the Severing Stone taking that moment away as a price.

So yes, we all know the answer to this question already (articulated a bit better by the show’s composer in this post),

- Curse of the Blood Moon as an episode itself is far from being without merits: it opens with a wonderful display of one of the many sides that make Star and Marco’s relationship so adorable, with the duo having a secret cereal date at night without waking up Meteora; shows how in sync and how well they understand each other (yes, this was a set up for the scene but you can’t tell me it’s the curse’s fault, that’s bullshit); it literally had Marco tell us that he likes every single thing about Star and her personality (again, not the curse’s fault. That’s bullshit.), and the dance itself was utterly perfect and pristine and had Starco fun, Starco flirting, and Starco love all happening the moment they could focus on each other and forget about the rest.  Also, while I’m not necessarily the biggest fan of Tom having achieved “good boy status” simply by getting slightly better with each episode instead of taking some affirmative action on the nature of his relationship with Star, I don’t mind seeing him helping his friends, at all. Sure, this can contributed to making him feel more “pathetic”, with scenes like the spat on the elevator apparently underlying a lack of compatibility between him and Star compared to her and Marco, as many other scenes before, and that’s the part I don’t particularly enjoy, but the overall journey he went through, that’s good. It should have featured more defining moments of change in my opinion, rather than a simple “little by little always better and gets points for trying”, but it’s still vastly preferable to a world where we can’t get some Tomco bromance moments, and this kind of relaxed situation, as infuriating as it can be at times, could potentially contribute to what I said in the first point, give Star and Marco the chance to understand what they feel for the other in a completely or almost completely positive way.

- This is connected to the first point and not necessarily an objectively good one on its own, more like something that further contributes to feeling like there’s potential for things to develop nicely from her on: the brunt of the romance in Starco fell on Marco for most of S3, at this point Star was less of an active player than him when it came to liking each other. But Star is the Main Main Character, we can’t have that happen. With this new turn of events, with things being “reset” into New Game +, the spotlight moves once again on Star and this time we can finally have the Main Main Character answer the question “do we love each other?”. Obviously Marco is surely going to have a role as well, he’s still a protagonist, but it’s Star’s story before anything else, and this “Free Will and Choices” arc can easily tie Eclipsa / ruling Mewni to Love, and strongly relate to the blonde (ex) princess.

- On the same note of “elements that makes one hopeful about the show’s potential but still don’t really confirm anything about what’s going to happen”, we have this quote from one of Adam’s interviews:

Adam describes Star as someone who is “all over the place” in terms of life as compared to Marco who unlike Star has yet to outwardly reveal his feelings. “But, she’s one of those people who so much stuff is going on for that she doesn’t necessarily, in my opinion, she doesn’t really have time for a romantic relationship. She’s too busy. She’s got a lot of things going on her plate,” he explains. “But, she’s one of those people who, in my opinion–I’m not saying this happens, I’m just saying this is why I like them–I feel like she’s going to be one of those people who is gonna stop one day and have a second to breathe and then dust is gonna settle and she’s gonna look and see through all the settling dust and fog that someone has been there with her the entire time and she’s gonna see Marco,”

and while there’s absolutely no way to confirm this, especially since everything Adam says is always nebulous PR talk that has to be taken with eighty grains of salt, looking at list of episode post-mid season finale suggests that this “dust settling down” might happen sooner than later, the second half(ish) of the season having way more episodes with titles suggesting either Earth things, or a generic downtime for the teens to focus a bit more on their own lives, and a little less of Eclipsa. Obviously there’s still necessarily going to be plot happening, but I can also see how they could be going (strong emphasis on the could) for a journey that allows Starco to finally happen in the series finale in an explosive way, with both Star and Marco being utterly sure that this is what they truly want, and that they love each other, not just like or crush.

Cornonation Doop-Doop / Britta’s Tacos Beach Day / Gone Baby Gone Sad Teen Hotline /  Jannanigans Mama Star /  Ready, Aim, Fire The Right Way /  Here to Help Pizza Party /  The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse Cleaved 

To conclude and sum up, my greatest issues so far are with the way S4 handled romance and relationships in its first 7 episodes, rather than with the new arc Curse of the Blood Moon apparently set out, or with the idea that the show is almost certainly going for series finale Starco (still kinda hoping for just a little something before that though, with the finale being the true celebration of what they have). It’s not the show I’d have liked the most, but it’s still one that has all the potential, so far, to honor the kind of build up Starco had, and the amazing characters Star and Marco are. But this first third personally disappointed me in a number of ways, and it kinda hinders my ability to fully trust this potential to actually become the reality of a good execution. But “hinders” doesn’t mean I completely lost any hope, and there are certainly dozens of ways to properly pull this off. We’ll see.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

First Look: Descendants 3 Promo Picture Breakdown

With the third installment in, what is to date, the best Disney Channel Original Movie franchise with the first movie’s premier night surpassing High School Musical’s opening, coming to our screens this Summer. it is obvious we will be starting to get some advertising and promotions from the movie to ramp up the hype.

This comes most recently in the form of a set of character promotional photos courtesy of Just Jared Jr, not only giving us our first look at main characters outside of the main four V.Ks but also Hades.

So we’re going to break these down in terms of styling and authenticity to the characters both from the original material and previous movies.

Original Release:

So before Just Jared Jr. released his set, this image made the rounds giving us our first official look at our main four V.Ks Carlos, Evie, Mal and Jay. Honestly from a personal perspective I have never been a fan of shooting from a low angle mainly because it creates that very unneccersary shadow effect on the necks so aside from Carlos and Evie, you can’t tell they have necks. It could also be the costumes fault which we’ll go into when we get a closer look at them further down.

Overall though with the actual styling, I like how the look has evolved again from the second movie after that look evolved from the first movie. It is still very much all about the leather to be a V.K. and for some characters it works but for others not so much.

We also had this promo of Uma and her two henchmen Harry Hook and Gil, it is interesting to see the three still together despite Uma now not really having need of cronies but I love how all three of them look.

New Promos:

Alright so we have 9 images and 8 characters to talk about. Surprisingly though there is no sign of Ben or any of the Auradon Prep kids and that may be because they’ll have their own set released but it is weird to have the main four and even Uma but not Ben.

Mal:

Mal is obviously the main character and so her shot is the one we start with. I don’t like this look one bit for Mal. I know in the first two video promos with Hades being teased and that Under the Sea special that Mal had her main look from Descendants 2, I was expecting Mal to obviously update her look but this just seems basic for her. They do say less is more but this look not only looks reverted but too plain.

First of all, these shots are way too dark because the amount of purple in the outfit as seen in the first image isn’t as visible here, so that’s a misstep, also the fact that obviously Hades is Mal’s dad explains the heavy layer of black but I really do miss all the purple.

Next her hair, I didn’t really believe Mal’s wig in the first movie but definitely believed it in the second movie, this seems just like the first movie again just a little bit thinner and longer, also with the lighting in the image it makes her hair look blue rather than purple so of course there is that misstep between her and Evie.

Evie:

Similarly with Evie, she looks like she has purple hair. It’s really confusing and I don’t know if it is to do with the story of Descendants 3 but I would love some clarity or insight because this franchise has done a lot to distinguish colours for the specific characters and purple and blue are Mal’s and Evie’s respectively.

I will say I do like her hair though, I like the fact that even though Evie isn’t royalty in Auradon she still wears a tiara because that’s just her style. I love the red heart jewel in the middle and I would love it if this was one of Dizzy’s designs.

As for her outfit, I would say the side-view doesn’t do it much justice but the front view isn’t as good either. The outfits in these promos almost look like battle armour and there is a severe lack of blue for Evie in the outfit. I actually don’t think there is any blue.

I really liked her outfit in Descendants 2 because I felt it was mature, stylish and appropriately regal for the character. This just does not say Evie to me from the neck down, I can’t imagine Evie as a fashion designer would create this for herself and believe it to be “fabulous”.

Carlos:

Carlos genuinely looks like a cross between a spaceman and motocross racer, neither of which I would ever associate with the son of Cruella De Vil.

Interestingly enough he is not wearing shorts here despite the fact Carlos has always worn shorts because I think they’re trying to show Carlos as the youngest of the four which works naturally anyway as Cameron Boyce is 3-4 years younger than the other three. I do miss the shorts I have to say, because it added a certain youthful quality to the looks that again is needed for the character in my opinion.

Also I get how the black and white colour pallet is supposed to represent the dalmatian theme he is associated with, but I feel his first two looks represented that a lot stronger than this, it almost comes across as a cow-hide than dalmatian theme. I do miss the fur I have to say, that fur collar in the first movie spoke to me like the green paw print on Beast Boy’s jacket shoulder in Titans.

I have to say also, I don’t get the hair. I think the color is still great but I don’t like them taking Cameron Boyce down the Ross Lynch route of pretty boy hair and to be honest I loved the slick look he had at the start of Descendants 2.

Jay:

Jay’s I would say is most authentic to his character and shows an organic evolution throughout the three movies, even though he has sleeves here I do find it works as a more mature look developing on his original style as opposed to how the other three look.

All his colours are still there, there’s the golds, the patches of black, the reds. I can believe this is what a modern day son of Jafar would wear. Leather works for the character anyway and this is leather-bound brilliance.

I have to say, I can’t decide if I miss the beanie or not but I would have maybe liked to see a bandanna or some sort of headwear because, if these are battle outfits, I feel Jay would wear a bandanna.

It is shocking that this, out of the four, is my favourite look because Jay, as anyone who has read my reviews know, has not been my favourite character but I will say he definitely knows how to be stylish which I thought I would say about Evie or Carlos.

Uma:

Now you see looking at this I can kind of understand Mal’s look if she’s trying to compete with Uma or vise-versa. But the problem is, Uma wins hands down as this is Uma’s style. I love everything from the accents of seagreen, to the shape of the outfit, the hair and the accessories.

Speaking of hair, it was interesting that in Descendants 2 and that special Under the Sea, Uma had braids which mostly were extensions which China McClain had embedded into her already braided hair. The look worked for the with the whole pirate gang captain attire. Here though, I will be interested to see if Uma keeps her Sea Witch status and this is definitely Sea Witch style hair. It’s very regal and you can tell where her hair ends and the extensions begin but that’s only because she filmed this alongside Black Lightning, although in Season 2 she does have shorter hair so maybe she dip-dyed and then had that cut for the show. Regardless I love how she kept the braid-style, it almost takes her look from gang leader to crime boss.

As for the accessories, Evie should be ashamed that Uma is showing her up with her bling. The necklace that she either got or stole from her mother is still there but I will agree with some critics from the her first appearance that in some shots the necklace kept changing size, but here it looks like a trinket rather than a magical object. She also seems to have more bling on as well as that so I am looking forward to seeing that in full. Also her bracelets and nails are subtle enough to not be garish but also to be the right level of stylish. Clearly her time at sea has done her good.

Harry:

If Harry has taken over Uma’s crew from the last movie, then this is the look of a renegade gang leader. I love the level of chains going on with his trousers, it’s subtle because of the darkness of the photo but seeing the shine makes it so cool.

I will say I miss the curliness and unkempt nature of his hair in Descendants 2. Here it does look good but flat, and also I miss his hait. It may not go with the outfit but I do miss it.

The leather vest with the belt motifs is a great choice for the character. I am a bit annoyed about the lighting and obscurity of his shirt because in that first promo you can clearly see it’s a skull shirt whereas if no one was to see that and instead just see this they’d be unsure if his chest is covered in body hair or tattoos because it isn’t quite distinguishable.

I like the use of the hook even though it’s merely an accessory for Harry to honor his father, I like the leather wrist-straps, love the fact he still wears guy-liner. It adds a level of camp to the character without making it seem goofy.

The only thing I don’t understand is those straps around his neck which I think are supposed to be braces but it’s too dark to tell and his arms are in the way.

But he looks good, he was one of my favourites in Descendants 2 and I am thrilled he is back with this look for the third movie.

Gill:

Gil has actually surprised me as while his Descendants 2 look was very suitable for the comic-relief role he had and actually reminded me a lot of the looks in Hook for the lost boys, this is a step up and a more mature version of that.

Looking at the head alone I do see why Jay may not have gone with a bandanna as with the long hair here the two do look alike, the two actors look alike anyway so it makes sense not to confuse the styles too much especially as you’re talking about the sons of Jafar and Gaston who are two completely different characters.

I do believe he is actually bulkier here than he was in Descendants 2 which again evolves his character and makes his resemble his father Gaston more. I will say also, I love the amount of straps he has. It references the fact that in the animated movie during the song Gaston, Gaston chewed a leather belt and spat it out. Leather is always good in my opinion and an obvious choice for villains.

I’m not crazy about his long hair, again I think it’s copying Jay a little bit too much, also I would like to see him with some sort of weaponry particularly if he is still part of Harry or Uma’s crew. Maybe not a gun like his father but a sword or a dagger or something. Uma has magic, Harry has his hook, Gil needs something.

Hades:

Alright so this is the big reveal of Cheyenne Jackson as Hades, we get two photos here to give us a proper look and I will start with the side-view.

Obviously immediately I am focusing on the hair because, my god that is not Hades. The look overall screams punk or rocker to me which, as we’ve seen with the V.Ks, is the style the movies have taken them but even with Maleficent they at least kept in touch with how the original character looked. Here that hair 1) Has way too much product in and 2) Looks ridiculous. I get they’re trying to represent the flaming hair that Hades in animation always has which is obviously not easy to do in live-action but then go with something subtler like Once Upon a Time did, do not tell me Hades is now apparently a punk. I will say they got the colour right and the mohawk effect does look like fire but, hopefully they’ll CG it in the movie but I would prefer Cheyenne Jackson to be bald and just for them to say they’ll add the hair in later.

In the front view the hair doesn’t look as bad but knowing how it looks on the side-view I can’t forgive it. However with the front view we get a better look at the outfit and again it screams punk, Where’s the robe, where’s the smoke, nothing here is giving me Hades, Lord of the Underworld.I will say he does look a lot like what they did with Steve Coogan in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief but that wasn’t good either and obviously that wasn’t meant to be based on the Disney version and rather Greek Mythologu, but the Disney version is obviously drawing inspiration from Greek Mythology and I am not getting any of that here.

It’s more of a renegade warlock type of look than it is a supposed god of the Underworld. The only good thing about the look is the colour because at least they’re right, the leather coat does kind of answer why Mal’s look is so dark in this movie but surely this isn’t just going to be a question of Mal siding with her father and therefore dressing like him.

Also I can kind of see Cheyenne Jackson and Kristin Chenoweth together in a sitcom or American Horror Story style setup, but as the Lord of the Dead and Mistress of All Evil...I just don’t see those two characters as a thing.

As someone who loves Greek Mythology and the Hades character James Woods portrayed so well, I am not getting any respect for either interpretation in this portrayal. I do think Cheyenne Jackson is the wrong casting choice for the character,

Overall I am not as hyped for these looks as I was for the Descendants 2 first look promos we got, I do think there is some good and surprising good but I do also feel nervous for some of my favourites. It’s not all about the fashion at the end of the day but it is part of what makes this franchise enjoyable.

So those are my thoughts on this first official look at the characters of Descendants 3, if they do release a set for the Auradon kids I will probably do another post to dissect them but until then post your comments on what you think about these looks and if you think the styling of these characters are a key component to these movies? Which are your best and which are your worst? Post your comments and check out more posts.

[thesinglesjukebox]

ITZY - ICY [6.50] Cold summer...

Iain Mew: Hey hey hey! Yo! Eh eh eh. Beep beep. Bom bom bom. Oh oh oh. Ring ring ring! The pick'n'mix approach to ad-libs is as delightful as the deluge of hooks. That is, almost as delightful as a new group bringing back Lip Service but successful, surging through myriad scenes with just a wobbly Blackpink siren noise, the silliest bit of wordplay, and forward momentum to rely on. [9]

Kayla Beardslee: I respect how committed this song is to its relentlessly -- annoyingly -- cheerful aesthetic, but that doesn't mean I find any aspect of it pleasant. Constant shouting interspersed with flashes of forgettable melodies, a tuneless bridge that sounds distractingly ready to segue into "I Just Can't Wait to Be King," and sound effects out the ass: what is there to like about this? [2]

Katie Gill: This is less a song than a collection of noises. The background shouts, the chants, the instrumentation that seems to be composed mostly of "oh hey, I found this fun synth effect we can use!" -- "Icy" is trying to win an award for doing the absolute most. I suspect that some people will find it annoying. As for me, I find it weirdly endearing. It helps that barely any part of this song is memorable enough to be stuck in your head. [6]

Leonel Manzanares de la Rosa: JYP darlings Itzy's music is always busy and bustling, with different segments that, on their own, could make for several different songs, but they have given their all-over-the-place sound a solid direction and a consistency that is very impressive for such a young project. They're starting to at least solidify their place in the top-tier; the charts can prove. [7]

Leah Isobel: Itzy's take on self-confidence here veers cartoonish -- buoyant slap bass, snotty vocals, a general air of genial brattishness. There are some great production touches, like the high chimes in the pre-chorus or the stuttered vocals, but the chorus abandons the rest of the track instead of tying everything together; the result is fun but messy, covering the same thematic ground but lacking the clarity of purpose that "Dalla Dalla" demonstrated. We know the girls believe in themselves, and we know they have fun doing it. So what? [5]

Anna Suiter: Lia's telling me that this song is my favorite song? Not quite, but "I see that I'm icy" keeps playing in my head anyways, so she must be partially right. [6]

Alfred Soto: In contrast to the dead-eyed proficiency of "RNP," "Icy" brims with confidence: the raps, fills, and sung portions sound improvised when they clearly aren't, and the production gives the Korean group a jolt. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: The lyrical emphasis on self-confidence, the metallic robo-bass drop and the overall focus of iciness as the language for stoic cool all check the boxes of the "girl crush" concept for Itzy. That said, "Icy" feels like a 13-year-old's vision of girl-group cool in the most endearingly dorky way. The hip-hop-inspired phrases in the single -- Ryujin's "shout to nae eomma" line and especially Lia's "they keep talkin', I keep walkin'" hook -- are proudly cheesy like the comic-book POW!'s popping up in the music video. While the noisy dial-up chirp adds some edginess to the production, it's the goofy slap bass that sums up the attitude of this song. By bringing a slightly not-cool version of industry-approved coolness, Itzy define their own "girl crush" concept. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: This is basically an update on 4Minute's "What's Your Name?" except with more seamless genre-blending, more palpable confidence, and an extended dance break. No other group right now does the girl crush concept better. [7]

Joshua Lu: Not altogether unexpected: Itzy graduating from the self-assuredness of "Dalla Dalla" to the cockiness present on "Icy," bringing to mind bratpop greats like Cher Lloyd. Completely unexpected: a chorus reminiscent of "Donatella" and the best use of a "Blah blah" hook since Missy Elliot in 2015. [8]

Jessica Doyle: They seem to be settling into a groove pretty quickly, and it's a nice enough groove, all color and self-confidence; once they get a more compelling chorus the momentum will be all theirs. (I appreciate the sentiment of "They keep talkin', I keep walkin'," but it seems to slow the song down without much compensation.) I feel a little nervous about supporting this group wholeheartedly, though; I'm not at all sure JYP provides the circumstances for the smiles and pride to extend beyond the concept. I'd feel better if I could believe that Lia might actually get to eat the burger once in a while. [5]

Michael Hong: Has any girl group's rapping sounded as good, as essential, as Itzy's? "Icy" follows the record-breaking "Dalla Dalla" and is similarly an almost violently maximalist banger stacked with a seemingly endless number of hooks where their raps drip with personality. "Icy" is a swirling mass of noise featuring video-game bloops and bleeps, pounding percussion, and shouted ad-libs that feel altogether exciting and remains completely enthralling. Unlike "Zimzalabim," (also-co-written by Caesar and Loui) which seemed to drop momentum at every turn, almost every moment on "Icy" seems to be seamlessly integrated, from the expertly rapped verses, the melodic pre-chorus, and the hook-laden chorus. For example, part of the instrumental drops out for Ryujin's rap on the second verse and this only emphasizes how strong Itzy are as rappers. Itzy also manage to match the energy of the show-stopping pre-chorus with one of the most hypnotic choruses of the year. It's Itzy's undeniable charisma that keeps "Icy" from ever falling into a unlistenable piece of chaos, and instead, solidifies them as the rookie group of the year and one of the hottest K-pop girl groups to watch. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[peri-the-writer]

I accidentally gave this a super cheesy ending and I’m 100% not sorry enjoy!

Some days Jesse really didn’t mind her job. She never could quite say she loved it, even on the good days, but there were certainly times when she really didn’t think the whole hero-adventurer thing wasn’t so bad; sometimes you could even call it fun. Today was not one of those days.

Today Jesse absolutely hated her job. It wasn’t so much that Jesse minded helping people; there was very little she wouldn’t do to help someone in need (something that would eternally vex her friends). It was rather the monsters that came with those pleas for help that Jesse really minded, and this particular occasion came with far too many for her tastes, and strong ones at that.

Maybe she wouldn’t be so annoyed by the whole thing if it hadn’t been caused by one man’s extreme carelessness. An alchemist and makeshift apothecary in the small village half a days ride from their own had been experimenting with potions, much like Ivor had a tendency to do, the stark difference being the fact that this particular man used mobs as his test subjects.

It was clear that this man hadn’t meant for things to get so out of hand, but all the good intentions in the world couldn’t stop the mutant zombies and and skeletons from breaking out of their containment and terrorizing the nearby innocents.

Things had started off relatively well, all things considered. The monsters were strong, but they’d faced things that were decidedly much worse. The whole fight was going rather routinely, each of them taking on mobs and dispatching them with relative ease. 

The trouble came when it seemed like Petra would be overtaken. Three of the overpowered mobs had her surrounded and while fighting normally wasn’t a problem for her, Petra looked like she was starting to struggle. Jesse never wanted to assume that Petra, or anyone else for that matter, couldn’t handle themselves in a fight, but even the best fighters could get caught in tough situations.

Mind made up in less than a second, she was about to rush to Petra’s aide whether she really needed it or not, when a knock from behind stopped her plan before it could even begin.

The hit came seemingly out of nowhere, and it was hard. It was so hard that it sent Jesse flying into the nearby wall, her head slamming into the solid stone making her world go black in an instant.

When Jesse came to, everything was hazy and she couldn't quite recall what had happened, but something was definitely different. It took her a moment to remember the knock to her head, but the distinct lack of pain was suddenly the most confusing part of it. Either she's been out for a long time or Ivor had somehow given her one hell of a healing potion.

Things were slowly becoming less hazy and more details came into focus, things like the fact that her head was resting in what she could only assume was someone's lap and someone, presumably the person she was using as a pillow, was running their hand gently through her hair.

Finally opening her eyes, the sight that greeted Jesse was not quite what she'd been expecting. It was not the alchemy lab where they'd been fighting or anywhere in the temple, and yet it was oddly familiar, though she couldn't place why.

Everything was put into perspective when she turned her head upwards to greet the last face she ever thought she'd see again. She was home. Not the temple, or her treehouse but home with the face of her mother staring lovingly down at her.

"Am I dead?" It was the only thought that would come to her now as she lay there in shock. After all, it seemed like the only logical explanation she could come up with suddenly being face to face with a woman who'd been dead for the greater part of her life.

"Not yet my beautiful girl. It seems like there are quite a few people who don’t want to let you go yet.” So if she wasn’t dead, was she dreaming? It certainly didn’t feel like she was dreaming. 

Sitting up to face her mother Jesse furrowed her brow as she tried to sort out what was happening. “So if I’m not dead then what is this? Why am I here? Why are you here?”

Simply smiling gently, Jesse’s mother brushed back a stray bit of her daughter’s hair as she spoke, answering but not really answering any of the questions she’d asked. “I have so many things I want say to you, and so little time to say it.”

“Say what? And what do you mean so little time?”

“I want to say how proud I am of you, sweetheart. I never wanted to leave you, especially when you were so young. Things were so hard for you after that and still, you grew into such a remarkable woman, a hero just like I always knew you could be. I remember when you used to run around telling me you were going to be Gabriel the warrior when you got bigger.”

“How could I forget after the time I snuck out of my room at night to go fight monsters. That was the only time I ever remember seeing you get really mad and boy did I deserve it.” They both laughed at the memory, glad for a bit of levity before they both go too misty-eyed.

“You always did have a knack for getting yourself into trouble, didn’t you? Oh but you’ve come so far since then.” Gently stroking her daughter’s cheek, Jesse’s mother smiled. “You’ve done such great things and I know you’ll do so many more.” As if she’d willed it, Jesse suddenly started to feel herself being pulled into the realm of unconsciousness once again.

“Wait...” Things were fading quickly now as Jesse felt like she was being pulled into a state of sleep, even as she tried to fight it for a few more moments of clarity.

“Don’t fight it sweetheart, it’s alright. There are people waiting for you, people who love you. We’ll see each other again someday. But for now there are people who need you around for a while longer.” Jesse couldn’t keep her eyes open now as she slumped against her mother’s shoulder, but she could hear the smile in her voice. In the last moments before the darkness claimed her again, Jesse could feel her mother press a kiss to her head and her subsequent words, soft as they were. “I love you, Jesse, never forget that.”

The next time Jesse came around the first thing she registered was the pain suspiciously absent when she first ‘woke up’. It was much harder to pry her eyes open this time, but when she managed it she was greeted with a much more familiar and expected scene.

Immediately Jesse could tell that she was in one of the infirmary beds, the infirmary being a sizable room in the living quarters of the New Order’s temple with a handful of beds for the inevitable times when more than one than one or even all of them were hurt to some degree. This time it looked like she was the only one who needed to be here, but she was by no means alone now.

Sitting in a chair on one side of her bed was Lukas with his journal open to a blank page as if he had intended to write something but never got around to it. In a chair on the other side of the bed was Petra, much to Jesse’s great relief, with her arms crossed and looking incredibly unhappy, in the usual Petra fashion. Then there was Olivia on the floor leaning against her bed and Axel facing her, leaning against the bed next to Jesse’s. Every single one of them was sound asleep.

The only conscious person besides herself appeared to be Ivor who was currently too busy fussing with his potions to notice that she was awake. “So you decided not to join the group nap, huh Ivor?” Her voice came out quieter than she intended with a slight rasp to it, but it was more than enough to get his attention.

It was clear that Ivor was trying his best to look stern but the surprise and relief on his was much more apparent. “It’s about time you rejoined the living, Jesse. You’ve been out for days you know.” He informed her, answering the question she’d wanted to ask before she even had to ask.

“We’ve got to keep you busy somehow, right?” 

Ivor scowled in response as he leaned over her, checking bandages that Jesse hadn’t even realized she had yet. “For a group who’s supposed to be heroes, you all certainly know how to get yourselves into mess after mess. I’m the one who has to fix you up when you get hurt, would it be too much for a little consideration?”

Jesse couldn’t help but laugh at that, which she quickly learned didn’t help her pain any. Her helmet-less head may have taken the brunt of the damage, but the rest of her armor only did so much. The pain must have showed on her face, because Ivor wordlessly left her side, returning with a healing potion that Jesse knew Ivor wasn’t going to let her get away with not taking.

Sure enough he helped her into a sitting position and put the potion into her hands. “Drink,” he instructed her, this time with a much more effective stern look. Normally she’d try to argue but considering how bad she’d been and how bad she still felt, for once she complied. 

Once he was satisfied, Ivor removed the empty bottle from her hands, setting it on the nearby table and Jesse wasted no time slumping back into the pillows. “So I’m guessing from the gang of uninjured people in the infirmary that I scared everyone pretty bad, didn’t I?”

“Damn right you did.” To her surprise it wasn’t Ivor who answered but Petra now quite awake. “And you better not do that again, got it?” Despite her arms crossed for emphasis of just how serious she was, a tiny smile worked it’s way on to Petra’s face.

And Jesse smiled back, both relieved that Petra seemed to have made it from their previous fight at least relatively unhurt and that she didn’t seem too mad at her for getting herself knocked around. “Got it.”

“Everyone else is gonna want to know you’re awake. You think you can handle all of us at once?

“Isn’t that what I do on a daily basis anyway?”

“Fair enough.” Petra conceded with a grin. She leaned over the arm of her chair to shake Olivia’s shoulder. Olivia slowly blinked awake, taking a moment to fully awake up. 

Once she realized why she’d been woken up though, she wasted no time jumping up with the full intent of hugging her now awake best friend. In her excitement though she accidentally woke Axel with an unintentional kick in the shin. This did nothing to stop her from all but tackling Jesse in a hug as soon as she was up. “You’re okay! We’ve been so worried.”

Axel wasn’t too far behind her being very quick to bear hug his small friend a little too hard, not that she had the heart to tell him that. “Oh man, dude, it’s so good to see you. Not that I was worried or anything, I totally knew you’d be fine.”

Realizing that there was only one person left asleep, Axel’s face turned to a devilish grin as he grabbed a pillow from a nearby bed, lobbing it straight for Lukas’s face.

Lukas sat bolt upright in the chair upon impact, flinging his journal and pen off behind him somewhere, forgotten while he searched frantically in the moment of panic for the culprit. “Who, wha-” His panic was cut short when he laid eyes on Jesse, now propped up and trying not to laugh rather than the concerning state she’d been in the last time he saw her. “Jesse! Oh man is it good to see you up.”

Jesse looked around at her friends’ faces, all some mixture of joy and plain relief and her mother’s words echoed through her head. Whether it had been a dream or not, it was true that what she’d said. There were people here who loved her and she loved them, the crazy mismatched group of people they were.

[prairiechzhead]

Venting Because I Need To

I’ve decided that Tumblr is my safe space. I know, I know, some people who will see this will laugh at me and point and make some remark about now naive I am. After all, this is the Internet.  Except Tumblr kind of reminds me of blogging as it used to be about 15 years ago, before niches and monetizing and all that. 

I’m thinking that I may need a FB break again. I have a Twitter and I haven’t been on it in over two weeks. I don’t miss it.  Bottom line, it’s people I need to get away from. Maybe it’s because I’m in raging bitch PMS mode with hot flashes thrown in, but right now, people suck and are stupid and I have reached the upper limits of my tolerance for stupidity and other people’s whining and butthurt and lack of understanding on the concept of tact.

Warning: I’m About to Vent About Facebook. 

Names of people and specific groups are omitted. If anyone or any group resembles one you know or belong to, it is NOT a coincidence. It is probably who you are thinking of. 

First, there is the behavior of grown-ass adults in some of the Aidan Turner FB groups. Bullying by grown-ass women to other grown women over an actor that none of them will ever meet in person. I’m pretty sure if he saw their behavior, he’d be disgusted by it. 

One recent example goes like this. Basically, a bunch of women decided it would be okay to bully a woman who doesn’t speak English as her first language because she had some trouble expressing what she wanted to say in English. Even after she explained that English wasn’t her first language and then went on to clarify what she meant, but a few of them just kept on. One of them even insisted that the non-English speaker try to accommodate HER (the chief bully in this situation). Give me a fucking break, lady. YOU try learning a second language and go into a group of native speakers and lets see how well YOU do at trying to speak fluently and with clarity.  Then there is one particular person, who shall remain anonymous here, but she is such a self-important bitch, I can’t fucking stand her. She deliberately stirs up trouble and then when the admin has enough of her bullshit, she goes into other groups to whine about how thin-skinned people are and that everyone else is wrong and she is right. 

No, honey. You’re a troll. Try to get over yourself long enough to realize that the common denominator in all of this is YOU. 

This person is also arrogant enough to be pissed off when the owners of stock photography sites contact her and threaten her with legal action because she removes THEIR watermark without paying for the picture. 

Also, hon, you can take someone else’s image and put your own watermark on it and claim it as yours, but it’s not yours. 

Then there’s how much of a control freak she is. If you don’t answer her post the way she wants you to, she will delete it and repost it. And delete it and repost. And delete it and repost it. 

I have a list of things that annoy me about some of the groups in general. 

1. The Prudes

In general, prudishness doesn’t bother me unless the prude in question tries to impose their prudishness on the rest of us. What bothers me is when The Prude joins a group that says in the description it’s “18+ because we get raunchy”, and then post a flounce post about how offended they are at the raunchiness and how they’re disappointed and that Aidan wouldn’t approve or something like that (I doubt he would care) and that they’re leaving. 

Don’t let the door hit you in your uptight ass on the way out. 

2. The Anti-Smoking Zealots

I’m not going to argue about the health effects of smoking. For the record, I am an ex-smoker. My psychology background affords me an understanding of the mechanics of addiction and the brain. (I won’t bore you with that because it’s long.) 

It’s not so much that they express concern or an opinion on the fact that Aidan smokes or that he has been photographed with a cigarette. It’s the sanctimonious bullshit that people say that really annoys me. I heard the same sanctimonious bullshit when I smoked and all it did was annoy me. It didn’t push me to quit. Some of the sanctimonious bullshit veers into personal insults towards Aidan himself. 

But wait! There’s more!

And if you tell these harpies to get off their high horses (and when they do, they’d better remember to tuck and roll), they play the “I”m allowed to have opinions” card. 

You are allowed to have opinions. It’s not what you say. It’s HOW you say it. You can express your dislike of smoking without being a twat. And there is nothing written in stone that says you’re required to express your opinion out loud, especially when you do so in a way that makes you look like the world’s biggest twat, ESPECIALLY when you begin personally insulting an actor whom you profess to love. 

We get it. You think smoking is bad. There’s no need for you to be insulting or a sanctimonious twat about it. 

3. His Love Life.

When I was 13-14 years old, I had a mad crush on John Taylor of Duran Duran. At that age, I didn’t want to see or hear about or even know that he had a girlfriend. And if any of the teen rags I read back then published a picture of him and whomever he was dating at the time, I absolutely HATED the poor woman. 

I was 14 then. My brain was not done developing. I was going through changes and emotions that I didn’t yet understand. I was in the throes of puberty. I was just learning about the havoc that hormones will wreak upon me, my moods, and pretty much everything else. 

But when you’re in your 40s or 50s? Or even your 60s? Sorry, but being jealous over a GF is immature. And petty. And doesn’t reflect very well on you. 

Maybe you have this overwhelming urge to mother Aidan, but you are NOT his mother. His love life is none of your business. Bashing whomever he chooses to see or date and if this relationship is serious or not is none of your business. 

I think this one irritates me moreso because I have an adult son and I NEVER trashed who he was dating. It was his business. I’ve also been the woman in the relationship where the man’s mother can’t keep her nose out of our business. 

There is a subsection of this group who think it’s not normal for a man to be 33 years old and not married yet. Maybe that was normal when you were 33, but times have changed. 

5. The Insecure Fans

These are the people who constantly spam some groups with their damned clickbait polls. I’m not talking about legit polls like from the Radio Times. 

The people who keep spamming us with this crap are so insecure as fans. One person even resorted to emotional blackmail to get people to vote for Aidan in some poll that I, because I live in the US, probably can’t vote in anyway. Hon, the BBC isn’t going to base their decision to commission a 4 season of Poldark because I didn’t vote in some poll. Seriously, this is what this person did. Oh, please. Give me a break. 

This same person, by the way, was one of the chief instigators of the bullying incident involving a non-native English speaker. 

Coincidentally, this same person also was the instigator in bullying a person because that person was not sufficiently outraged that Aidan was not nominated for some award I never heard of “because a real fan would be upset”. 

No, sister. You don’t get to dictate what “real fans” would do. A “real fan” certainly wouldn’t bully people who aren’t outraged enough to your liking NOR would they start trashing his costar, who was nominated, BECAUSE she was nominated and Aidan wasn’t. 

There are other things that annoy me, but it’s not a big enough thing for me to give it a number and a bolded name. The lack of imagination some people display in the “what would you like to see him do next” posts makes me want to throttle some imagination into their sorry heads. If I hear “Bond” or “Heathcliff” or “Period Drama” one more time...

And finally...

If there is one thing I learned this week is that , should I ever meet Aidan Turner and I come away from the encounter with a picture of the two of us on my cell phone, I’m not going to share it on Instagram. Or if I do, I’m going to lock my damned account before I do. 

Well, this took longer than I intended. I guess I had a lot to get off my chest. 

[sanguinesprout]

The sky is a beautiful blue today~ (Some updates, nicer things, random snippets of memories and why I write about weather so much lol)

I was thinking maybe I should write about something lighter, like the things I did recently, in particular the good things, my small triumphs and such c: 

I’ve spent a lot more time out with my sister (and sometimes her bf and my mum) recently, especially in the case of going shopping~! I bought quite a lot of nice tops with interesting and motivating text based designs on them (maybe I’ll photograph them sometime), and some of them were on sale too yay! :3 Usually I try and avoid going out too many times in a row or when I don’t feel mentally prepared beforehand but I went and it was alright! Though some of the times I had no choice as I had a doctors appointment, but instead of just going home I went to the shops or the supermarket afterwards and had a nice long browse around~ 

I used to remember a long long time ago when I was younger I really did not enjoy shopping and would always constantly be asking when we could go home lol but now it’s pretty fun (apart from the fact I’m actually really poor). Also a long time ago I would trail around after my sis or whoever, but now I go off on my own and look at whatever I feel but sometimes my sis trails after me instead lol and likes to moan about me looking at things too slowly quite a lot. It makes me anxious but I told her about it so she does it less or I’ll tell her to go look at something else, cause I like taking my sweet time yo >3< I don’t mean like I only started doing this recently haha, but it did take quite a few years before I felt confident enough to go around on my own and actually enjoy it. I would go shopping completely on my own and take public transport after college and uni sometimes and such, I feel I’ve kind of taken a step back since then but I’m not back at square one at least I guess, it’s something!

I still feel awkward and anxious when people are blocking the way of an aisle or when they’re looking at the same rack of stuff, but I’m gonna try and push these feelings aside, be more assertive and so and so. There were also times where certain unusual situations were kind of traumatic for me and maybe I’ll write or draw about them sometime, but they’re not important and I shouldn’t keep thinking back on them and feeling hurt. I still sometimes get that ‘lost kid that has to look down every aisle and worries everyone already paid and left’ feeling after wandering around when I go to the supermarket with my parents lol, because they are all about being quick so they can go home and get ready for work and stuff, but having a phone now unlike when I was a kid and didn’t have one makes everything suck much less hah take that!

Anyways, back to the present! The weather has been pretty flip floppy lately, on some few random days the weather was real hot and some super rainy and cold and some calm and neutral, like today. I really love when it spontaneously rains so hard and immediately after the sky is such a wonderful clear blue, I feel it’s analogous to when you have are suddenly overcome with negative emotions and once they pass you feel at ease and can think with clarity again aka. the calm after the storm. I really like the weather and making weird metaphors about it as you could probably tell already lolol. The weather is just something that’s always there, something that affects mood but is also so moody itself, something everyone experiences and uses for small talk and something so mundane but also wonderful and unpredictable (unless you look at the forecast everyday, I mean it’s real easy to check on the phone widget but I don’t haha, as much as I talk about it I don’t worship the weather channel or anything lol) ^^ 

Oh also in relation to this, when I said I was going to write this blog a bit more like a diary, it made me think of a time when I was little and my mum bought me a diary book. It was a simple Winnie the Pooh diary with a gold lock and guess what I wrote in it hahahaha I wrote in huge writing on each page a 3-4 word sentence of how the weather was that day LOL It was super wasteful and my sis and mum were like what even?! XD I’ve had lots of diaries since then and lots of attempts at writing about actual things but I’ve never been able to keep it up past a few days. I just hope this blog doesn’t die out like my past diaries or become a brief weather description collection either hahaha. Today’s post title is kinda like a tribute or slightly more advanced version of my kiddie diary x3

Okay enough about that lol! One of the days recently I went to the park~! I did say I wanted to go and my sister suggested it. It was some time in the afternoon on a weekday so it wasn’t to busy. It was pleasant and refreshing to go walkies sine I hadn’t gone there for a while, even though I really really hate all kinds of bugs (and things that have bugs in them, like trees) and shriek and flail at their presence lol. I saw some pretty flowers, sat on the see saw with my sis briefly (which I was nervous about cuz there were kids around and well I’m not a kid anymore *sob* but I will always be a kid at heart and so will my sis, so I did it anyways! Yolo, gotta sit my but on all the things next time XD). I also saw the duckies! Or well I think they were actually geese but they were so pretty and derpy and their little floofy babies omg! ;w; Soooo cute!! I definitely want to go see them again sometime :D I’ve come to kind of dislike zoos (and aquariums too) because I feel so bad seeing some of them so distressed looking and it feels unfair that they have to live in such a contained and artificial space without choice, but when there’s wildlife living free like the duckies in the lake, it’s just such a pleasant thing to witness.

Oh also some good today was I cooked my own breakfast...kinda... It was just a fried egg with tuna in it pretty much and there was rice too (made in a rice cooker not by me lol) but I cooked the egg part! It takes so much convincing for me to be able to do just this. My mum and dad don’t like me hanging around the kitchen because ‘you’re too slow’ and ‘you’ll make a mess’ etc. I know they keep babying me and want things to go smoothly their way... but it needs to change! I don’t want to be dependant forever :c I was persistent this time and I’m glad! :D And I also suggested that maybe everyday I could maybe learn something new from them, whether it be just some small technique or a recipe or whatever. I am lacking in well... life skills because I was never taught or allowed to do certain things, like cooking for example. I can make something easy like instant ramen or pasta, but they usually handle all meals and don’t let me experiment or cook for reals. The only thing they really trust me with is making tea and sandwiches and the only time I cooked something from a recipe was cooking class at school a long time ago lol. Sometimes I help my sister bake stuff, but they get annoyed at her too for being in the way and stuff, but she isn’t a weak spirited person like me so she just carries on haha.

I can watch video tutorials all I want but it’ll never be useful without actual execution and practice, you know! >< My dad is a chef and is particularly prideful of his cooking, and also quick to insult and get annoyed for small mistakes, so it’s gonna be tough but I’m gonna try anyways! Lately I’ve been trying harder to just chat and bond with my dad more, we watch drama/animation series together at supper which is nice~! (Even though he feigns reluctance to watch and that he’s interested sometimes lol). Conversation is particularly hard because of the language barrier, but if I make the conversation about learning language like I did the other day and maybe now even about learning cooking stuff, then maybe things will go at a much better pace :D 

I also drew some things I was kind of happy about lately, and didn’t give up on trying to interact online even though I really wanted to! I need to get my stuff organised and start posting stuff! I feel like the longer I leave it, the less it’s making me wanna do it, stop it perfection, you’re unnecessary! x^x I really hate having an empty account, it makes me feel like a creep (like on youtube it’s okay but on other places it’s unusual, right?) ;^; Something I keep forgetting is that there is no rules and no obligations for me (or anyone else) to do anything or feel anything. There’s no right or wrong, silly self! I need to stop worrying so much and just go for it! Yolo the hell out of everything (maybe that’s not quite the right phrase lol) and just stop falling into the paralysis by analysis trap! X3 Imma try harder! ò^ó

Uh uhhh before I end this, I have some update-y stuff on my therapy situation... I have my first appointment tomorrow! I’m so nervous!! xAx The funny thing though (or well, not really), is that when my doctor was giving me options on who to see, I could either go for the general therapist who works in the same facility or to go for the referral service for a more specific recommendation. I opted for the second in hope that I could see someone with a specialism in idk... AVPD or personality disorders (if there is a such thing), but it seems I’ve ended up going full circle and ending up getting recommended to the general therapist back here >< I mean, at least it’s convenient and better than nothing I suppose... Anyways, I don’t know how it’ll go so I shouldn’t make any assumptions or have any wild expectations. I can do this! It’ll be okay! I’m glad I got a female therapist, because I get even more nervous around guys and the one I had in the past was ahhh idk... maybe I’ll write about it with whatever I write about after the app tomorrow. I just hope it goes well! 

Don’t give up! You can do it! Have a nice day~! :3