#anyway im gonna go back to binging i just needed to get this off my chest

[hoodie-prince-kid]

im not liveblogging i swear to hylia im not liveblogging but im in season 3 and Wukong got amnesia and past Wukong was so?? cute???? oh my god help

[dedenneblogs]

HEARTBREAK HIGH S2 ANALYSIS PART 1 (buckle up this is going to be a doozy)

so... it's out (the trailer).

my excitement cannot be expressed...

BUTT! today, i will be doing my iconic mouse analysis of this trailer (this is actually the first time im doing something like this so it's not rlly iconic BUTT it will be soon) with the most comprehensive inspection i can using under 2 minutes of video as a basis....

with that said lets

BEGIN!

the heartbreak highers are back for another "cursed" term....

so glad to see the trio back in action. like. actually so happy. MIGHT explode from excitement... as always, their outfits slaylay.

the boyfriends... friends? boys? BUGS??? found out on hh s2!

these goons are back... gayer then ever,,, seriously. when will these two have an episode long make out 'sesh? unlikely, to much dismay....spoiler alert...you'll see....

MISSY!!!!! and sasha, i guess

SPOILER ALERT AGAINNNN missy looks like she'll be more prominent in this season so...WIN!!!!

also why is she mewing who is rizzing up

and new on the the chopping block-- Rowan Callaghan!

we'll get to rowan when we get to rowan

in other (more important) news-- SHE'S HEALING! HARPER IS HEALING!!!

i... *sobs* i she's growing her hair out oh my GAW...... she's getting better...she... there's a lower chance she'll cock-block amerie (oh but she'll get cock [spoiler-- again!])

butt let's not celebrate just yet-- it's still "everyone hates amerie" up in this joint, smellas

may as well... shot them. huh. well. pop off, i suppose... (amerie asserts her right to bear arms-- truly patriotic coming from an aussie!)

...touché coming from the (still) most hated student in heartly who only adds salt to the wound by... using the pink 'ildo from s1 as a mic... chat... she's lost it.

(unrelated but in the background-- MISSY AND MALAKAI!!! they were building up a relationship between them in s1 and how she and her brother (i think? 'memory's fuzzy) helped him heal from the shit he had to go through in s1 and even better connect him with his aboriginal roots. i hope to see more of these two interact come april 11th and i binge the whole season)

ALSO also ANOTHER new character-- Zoe Clarke!

we will ALSo get to zoe when we get to zoe

anywho-- cue: AMERIE'S ONLINE HARASSMENT ARC! becuz every show needs one...unfortunately. Give a cold welcome to Bird Psycho, heartbreak highers (we will get to bird psycho when we get to bird psycho)

(who ever is doing this shit is a bitch but either way: "you dont get to be the hero" shut your goofy ass up)

oh that's gore. that's core of my comfort character.

ok so maybe this bird psycho cuck isnt fucking around because clearly he's gotten to our girl ams :(

(dw they uh...take her out for ice cream. after this. proabably.)

moving foward-- STAND BACK I SAID STAND BACK WEIRD GIRL QUINNI

oughh im gonna be sick. of course. OF COURSE SHE WOULD GO FULL SHERLOCK HOLMES TO HELP HER BESTIE.

yeah anyways with this in mind she'd totally try and crack the fnaf lore wouldn't she. wouldn't she.

she's slay she's girlboss but at the end of the day she's a weirdo

anywho nuff of my rambling there--

ominous of you to say zoe

BUT ENOUGH OF HER CA$$HHHHHHHHHHHH

ca$h omg eshay eshay eshay pspspspsp,,,

i am so happy to see him (spoiler alert for 2 secs throughout the whole trailer) but anywho remeber? remeber right he's in prison. but seems to be doing okay... (maybe for the best heartly drama is really coming to a boiling point)

<3

and-- oh. uh... chicken dumbell... okay... pop off, missy...

when i said i wanted more missy i didnt expect this

spider seems to be into tho maybe what ??1/1/111.1/?!??!/1/1/1

missy x spider was NOT on my bingo card

WHEN MISSY SAID SHE WAS STARTING TO LIKE WHITE BOYS I DIDNT THINK SHE MEANT THIS.

BUUTTTttttt-- i. am. down. for. it... somehow. frankly, spider needs someone to put him in his place and low and behold, missy seems to be the student to do so..........

hey. if they're both happy with their...chicken dumbells, i am too.

amerie dont be alarmed but there's a white boy to your right

in other news this love triangle scares the diarrhea out of me

look at them. they're the perfect couple (malakai x amerie 4life) and rowan is--

well he's a nice boy but cmon

LOOK AGAIN IM DOWN FOR THEM TO BE HAPPY BUTT when it comes in between THE BEST SHIP IN THE SHOW (looks at amerie x spider shippers with affectionate disdain) i draw the line.

but who knows? rowan seems nice enough, and if he's able to make amerie happy, let them have each other! <3

also knowing malakai's track record i wouldn't put it past him to get freaky with rowan too (threesome attempt 2??? actually no wait thats a horrible idea NEVERMIND [gets s1 ep4 flashbacks])

also also "classic love triangle" scene gives major "erm...well this is akward!" vibes from ams (we stan cringey amerie in this household tho)

and well. shart. max limit of 30 photos. oh well-- ill make a second part! tune in for the update heartbreak highers :3

[yourtwistedlies]

THATS RIGHT

your girl val binged the entire first season of the dragon prince

potential spoilers under the cut

Lord Viren is a snake

ratty little scumbag

i don’t like him ONE BIT

but let’s move onto more pressing matters while i get back to that later

the king is dead *jazz hands*

okay so i have a sneaking suspicion that the letter he gave callum was a letter that said he was to inherit the throne or something like that. though, isn’t that already obvious since he’s the oldest child of the king (even if he’s his stepson)? or does it only apply if you are blood related to the king, which means ezran would inherit it? dunno.

also i do acknowledge that rayla was hiding the fact that harrow died to protect them, but like, TELL THEM. even if they would have felt really sad and stuff ᵗᵐ, i feel like personally, i would have told them. because i feel like the longer you withhold the information, the more it’ll hurt when they figure out the truth. and i assure you, one way or another the truth always comes out.

also i felt so just like in shock while seeing the bond (for killing the king) come off of runaan’s hand. it was just so fast i could not process it. also the shadow hawk WAS SO FREAKING COOL. i was just amazed by that for a hot minute. but im not ashamed to say my first thought was that is everyone who was fighting there dead? is soren dead??? now, i wouldn’t say soren is the best person but the way he let callum beat him to impress claudia, never mind his own sister is just so 💗💗💗💗💗💗. also soren is kind of a hot snatch, and you can’t deny it, that’s speaking from someone who doesn’t even really have a type or anything.

okay, so yeah now my next big thing:

aunt amayaaaaaaaaaaa!!! aunt amayaaaaaaaaa! commander gren!!!! but mostly aunt amayaaaaa!!!!!!

eeee i love amaya!!! she’s such a freaking bada*s!! also she’s deaf, which is actually really inclusive of the show writers :D i think we need more shows with people who have disabilities and the dragon prince is a great one! it shows that you dont have to hear to be able to kick some serious a*s and lead people!!! also commander gren is just such a cutie. he translates everything for her, and THAT SCENE WHERE SHE SIGNS “I trust you, you’ve been my voice. Now you will become my hands to save the boys.” (translation from @redemptiionss—they have dragon prince translations for what amaya signs that gren doesn’t say!) AHHH!!!!! i mean that is just so sweet in like a really friendly platonic way. anyways i love aunt amaya and commander gren 💕

SPEAKING OF COMMANDER GREN. LORD VIREN YOU LITTLE TWERP WHY DID YOU UN-ASSIGN HIM FROM THE MISSIONNN??? ik he did it so that his kids could lead it obviously so they could follow his orders and do his dirty work but- you don’t know how much i wanted that commander gren screen time 😭😭 he just seems like such a funny guy

now that we’re back to the subject of lord viren-

his face is NOT doing so hot rn. he need some cera ve lotion ASAP. aging is not doing him well. okay but I’m going to stop joking now. WTF????????? HE FREAKING LIKE TORTURED RUNAAN???!?? AND PUT HIM IN A COIN????? AND HIS EYES ARE SO FREAKING SCARY??????

i mean at least gren is a witness to the torture but im honestly scared for gren now IF HE EVEN FCKING THREATENS GREN IM GONNA do nothing because he’s fake. but you already know im going to be so mad.

anyways lord viren is SICK (not in a good way). he needs serious help.

okay so yeah callum broke the primal stone to make the storm so zym could hatch blah blah blah i don’t really care. though he’s sad because he can’t do primal magic and stuff but now he’s determined to find another way to do primal magic because honestly claudia’s description of why dark magic wasn’t that bad was kind of terrifying.

yeah. then zym hatched i already forgot his full name since it’s so long, but okay!!! ALSO THEN ZYM BROKE RAYLA’S BOND!!! NOW SHE CAN SLISH AND SLASH (reference 😉) AND SHE WONT LOOSE HER HAND!!!! i love rayla :D. the dragon is kinda cute. but he can’t fly. which kinda makes him less majestic but ezran is gonna train him!!!!

ALSO EZRAN CAN TALK TO ANIMALSS!!!

i always believed in him.

next big thing issssss

claudia and soren both have different secret missions that they can’t tell each other about

like way to ruin your children’s sibling relationship and trust viren 🙄 and ALSO LORD VIREN DID NOT JUST TELL SOREN THAT IF THEY’RE ALIVE “SORRY MAN BUT YOU GOTTA KILL THEM” !!!!!!!!!!!! this man is terrifying

i want to beat him up. i could take him with no magic though. ik the only thing that is going to save him is some weird dark magic and without that his frail bones are going to have nothing on me.

okay! on that happy note i shall continue

something is going on with that mirror

runaan said that he had finally found something dangerous and that has hidden dangers (i hope they’re all inflicted on viren). lord viren has some weird obsession with that mirror and the end credits had a mirror with a hand that had four fingers (elf!!!) pressing on it. yay!! plot!!!!

that’s val’s (me!!) summary of the dragon prince season one

yeah.

aunt amayaaaa!!! aunt amayaaaaaa!!! commander gren!! but mostly aunt amayaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

[grimngore]

Today is April 28th, 2024 and my name is Katelynn and I am holding myself accountable. im not letting myself fail myself anymore.

its not even about food

its about having the discipline and self-control to be able to get to the goal ive always so desperately wanted and then keep it.

its the only way i’ll be happy.

i cant give up now or let myself have anymore set-backs or be stuck, ive put in too much hard work to fuck it all up or stop now.

i never want to lose control or be fat again. in anyways shape or form.

so not only am i gonna push myself to do my best im gonna stop letting the temptation of food get to me.

food is a mere sacrifice, i’d rather be disciplined and say no and feel kinda bummed for maybe 2 seconds than continue living in a body i so desperately hate.

living in a body suffocated in fat.

not being able to have friends because i know that all they notice is the fat on my body and i can FEEL it.

always being played and treated like crap because how could you love a fat fuck ???

but i will not let myself be a fat fuck anymore or ever again.

i wont binge.

i wont purge because i wont have too.

i’ll ⭐️ ve.

i dont care if its hard or if it hurts.

i’ll prove to myself and everyone that i can indeed be thin and stay thin for the rest of my life.

i dont even necessarily care about missing out on food or stuff because in the grand scheme of things is food actually worth it?

no, it’s only a necessity; you eat to live you dont live to eat.

and im tired of the gluttony.

im tired of being the fat girl.

im tired of seeing all that fat everytime i look in the mirror.

im tired of overeating and being a slave to food.

so im accepting that even though food might always be around me, that i myself have the discipline and SELF RESPECT for myself to not give in. And accepting that it’s not a punishment, eating it would be and I dont want to punish myself anymore.

especially because college starts soon.

i have so much time on my hands and im going to dedicate it all to weight loss and cultivating a plan and mindset that will not only help me lose the reat of this weight but then keep it off.

and im tired of eating like shit.

im tired of being fat in everyway. everything about it is horrible.

i NEED to get down to 70lbs and then stay 70lbs.

i’ve always wanted to be thinner, ive always wanted to take up less space, to be seen as a person and not a tub of lard. to be wanted and appreciated and feel confident in my body.

4n4 is quite literally my savior, without her i’d be a waste of life. i’d be NOTHING.

so i’m gonna keep updating you guys about my weight loss and what i eat/consume. my calorie intake and my workouts.

i know ⭐️ving is hard, and the temptation of food is hard as a fatty but i wont let myself be a fatty.

the consequences of giving in and not staying disciplined is far worse than the sacrifice of eating something “good”

so here are my stats!

CW:100lbs

GW: 95lbs

GW:90lbs

GW:85lbs

GW:80lbs

GW:75lbs

UGW:70lbs

i dont “deserve” food. i owe it to myself to say no and just suck it up so i can finally be happy and stop hating myself.

and when i get to my UGW i will make sure i fucking maintain it so i never have to live in a body i hate again.

is it going to take time? fuck yeah. is it going to be hard? yes.

am i going to make sure i do it before college starts? fuck yeah.

[tonberry-yoda]

Omg how didn’t I see those??? Gonna binge them right away 🤩

So sorry for not seeing those! 😭😭

Ok hereby i request a Full fluff alphabet for sweet Toge 💜

I’ll wait until you finish everything until further requests haha

Aww your writing makes MY day my dear!! 🌻

Srsly I’ve been having a hard time lately because I fell I’ll and I’m still recovering and reading your sweet stories gets me through my boring days

i made those two alphabets towards the beginning of me writing on tumblr here, so i really hope you enjoyed those if you ended up reading them! and i love that you said you'd wait for everything else to be done for this request, but here i am doing it lmaoooo. these are actually easy for me, even if time consuming! so i really hope you enjoy!! love you 🌻anon and im really glad i can help you through a hard time that means a lot and you are such a sweetheart, thank you for all of the support.

now let's stop rambling and get onto the alphabet!

Fluff Alphabet with Toge

Pairing - Toge x reader

Warnings - none!

Notes - (post inspired by this) thank you love! i had a lot of fun doing this and toge is such a cutie! thank for the request and please enjoy! i hope you have a good day today and stay hydrated!!!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

just spending time outside is a must

whether it be enjoying the afternoon air or the stars above, you two always find yourselves outside when spending time together

picnics are your thing for sure

you make a super cute picnic with cake and drinks and just a ton of snacks and then you and him walk over to somewhere cute and eat together in silence

just because he's quiet though doesnt mean hanging out is awkward

its actually nice

peaceful

especially in the winter time

you still go outside and do stuff like watch the snow, but you're in each other's arms while doing so

what a cutie omg

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

he loves your voice

the fact that he cant really use his makes him love yours more

he's a fantastic listener and overall just loves hearing you talk

could listen to you all day if you were willing to talk for that long

he thinks everything about you is beautiful, but again, he just cant get over your voice

especially if your a singer, you would kill that poor man

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

he would just listen

he's not a panicky guy, so if you're in the middle of something like a panic attack, he brings you what you need calmly and then just sit next to you, ready to hear what you have going on

and if you need space, he'll give it to you

cuddles? heck yeah, bring it in

he just wants to be there for you, he would never leave you when you're sad or down in anyway

would rub your back always

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

he cant see a life without you

whether it be marriage or just there to support you, toge wants you in his life forever

he knows your strong, so he always sees the two of you becoming professional sorcerers

but overall, he just cannot think to live without you

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

let's be honest here, since you're the one doing all the talking, you're definitely the dominant one

you literally have to order food for this man

you work really hard to do your best as a sorcerer and toge literally hold you up like you are a god/goddess/deity

he prefers you being dominant because he gets all nervous in situations without you lol

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

he doesnt like to fight with you, so he will try to avoid that at all costs

but in the situation that you two end up fighting, you just go silent around each other

you let your thoughts simmer before you actually end up communicating

it ends up being an easily forgiven situation and you just end up laughing it off later

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

this man is so grateful to have you in his life

he would do anything for you and knows that you would do the same for him

you two are like two halves of a whole and without each other, the world would honestly be empty

he is more grateful to you than anyone else (which says a lot because he holds his friends pretty highly)

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

its hard to share everything when you cant really talk lol

there's a lot about himself that you dont know

you dont really know about his family or how he grew up, but that's because you never asked

he doesnt share everything, but he's not trying to intentionally hide anything from you

he respects and loves communication in a relationship, but that's hard when you dont really have a voice to speak it

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

i feel like you both really didnt change

you fell in love with who he was and it was the same for him

nothing about either of you really changed

he's still more reserved, even if you try to get him out of his shell

i feel like the real change or lesson you would learn is how to work better together

whether that be in real fighting situations, arguments with each other, or even just class work

you're just finding better ways to work together

so personal problems are just another bump for you to try to get over together

it leaves you on your toes, so it's actually quite fun sometimes

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I feel like he doesnt have a huge jealousy problem

EXCEPT

when you are talking to a guy and your adorable laugh slips out

your voice is reserved for toge and toge only lol

hearing that gorgeous little laugh or hearing you sing for others just sparks a new feeling in his chest that he doesnt like

to deal with it, he just rushes over to you and stands as close as possible so he can hear it first hand while looking the other person dead in the eye

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

OMG YES

this man has the cutest smallest softest lips ever

its like kissing a soft little cloud or a stuffed animal or something

and he slides his hand behind your ear, moving you hair out of the way

*dies*

it would always be one little kiss and then he'd just press more and more onto your lips

you know the little kiss sesh is over when he places a big kiss on your cheek and smiles at you

the first kiss happened so suddenly

y'all were just hangin out, watchin the moon, and he pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which then became your lips, and then you ended up kissing for a few minutes under the stars

wish that was me omg

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

HE WOULD WRITE YOU A LITTLE NOTE

y'all were just studying in the library when he slipped over a note that said:

will you go out with me? :)

how could you say no?

you two ended up passing notes the whole time instead of studying lol

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

as long as that means he can be in your life forever, then yes

he would pass you a note again just cuz it's so flippin cute

he would pass you the note and then the box

then you'd throw your arms around him crying and he'd let a few tears fall himself

the wedding would be super small

maybe you would just get eloped, idk

it would be a very quiet wedding too

you would just hand each other your vows and read them with misty eyes before you two kiss

i think he would say "i do" in order to really keep you guys married

omg that would be so cute

would shock everyone there lol

even you

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

at first you didnt think he called you any nicknames since he cant talk

but then you noticed him saying sushi a lot around you which was a new one

so you just assume that he calls you sushi lol

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

GOO GOO EYES

he cant help but stare at you

with loving eyes ofc

he always passes you little notes telling you how much he loves you

he cant help it

its actually only obvious to you

a lot of people dont know since he's so to himself

you, on the other hand, can notice it from a mile away lol

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

HECC NO

its not that he doesnt love you

he would just prefer it if... you didnt touch him in front of a bunch of people lol

he'll gladly hold your hand, but he wont like cuddle you or makeout with you in front of a bunch of people

he just gets too flustered

what a cutie

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

GREAT KISSER

and really good and comforting you

and just like really good at being there

also great cuddles lol

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

i feel like he would do anything to make you happy, but he's not the super romantic type

like no flowers or romantic dinners

just outdoor dates with the moon and stars chillin with ya

just being close to you is enough for the both of you

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

oh absolutely

he is your #1 supporter

you guys support each other and that is super important to the both of you

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

he doesnt need anything but you with a smile on your face to make the relationship work

he doesnt need a thrill

so in that sense, you are very more routine

you are free together in the relationship, so you dont need to see each other 24/7, but having you there makes him happy

just seeing you once or more in a day is good enough for him

but when you start living together and are a part of each other, you two just do your own thing, but with the other right by your side

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

he knows you super well

he knows what you need when you're sad and knows what you need when you're happy

if you're in a position where you just dont want to talk to or see anyone, he will leave you be, he is super empathetic of your feelings

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

this relationship is super important to him

even if he doesnt see you 24/7, just having you in his life means the world to him

this relationship is worth a lot and he never wants it to end

he really thinks he has found the one in you and wouldnt want to give that up for anything

you support him and he does the same, so without that, he would feel empty somewhere in his soul

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

every night before bed, the two of you cuddle up and watch a movie and then just end up falling asleep together

he just loves sleeping in a bed with you

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

YES

but not in front of people ofc

he just loves you hug and hold you while no one else is there

i think he would be really cold, so he would warm himself by your warmth under the blanket while laying little kisses all over your face before falling asleep

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

he would feel like something is missing

he gets in a really sad spot and kind of just... waits for you to get back

expect a lot of loving texts from him

he'll just curl up and watch a movie, wishing you were next to him :(

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

oh absolutely

man would take a bullet for you

he cares about you so much he will do anything, but only if you think the same way about him

he will fight for you and with you

he couldnt imagine a life without you

[edfairyy]

3rd of april, 21:55

a new beginning <3

i am ready to put my foot down and put in the hard work after regaining 7kg of my wl from october-feb within a matter of a month. i got myself into this situation, i’m the only one who can get myself out of it.

i have to lose 16kg and reach around 50kg by july. i’ll do anything.

i’ve made nothing but excuses the past few months. “i can’t starve like i used to” or “ill start tweaking without breakfast or lunch” are little lies i used to tell myself to give myself an excuse to eat, but i will no longer believe those lies. i CAN starve for days on end and i CAN go without an extra 2 meals a day. i CAN control what i eat.

i’m going to start completely fresh, i will no longer hold onto my old identity of a chronic binge eater or bmi 25 chubby girl. if i believe im gonna binge then im gonna do it, but if i leave all that behind it will never come to mind anymore. binging? what’s that? i only know starving.

i am a NEW girl with a skinny mindset, starting at 66kg with a goal of 50kg and a need to meet it NO MATTER WHAT. I HAVE CONTROL.

to myself:

YOU NOT NEED TO EAT. your body has AT LEAST 80,000 calories of fat to burn instead of food.

eat small stay small.

follow your plan, not your feelings.

imagine you stick to this now.

april 4th.

in a week, april 11th: you’ll be building back your habit of skipping meals, regularly fasting, and gaining back control of your life and what you eat.

in 2 weeks, april 18th: you’ll finally feel it again, the euphoria of starving, avoiding food and watching the scale go down at a minimum of 1kg a week. you’ll be in a new honeymoon phase, and nothing can break your discipline and dedication.

in a month, may 1st: you’ll finally SEE your hard work, not just FEEL how much lighter you’ve noticed yourself become, slightly less fat - nearly at your lowest weight, hopefully around 60kg.

🌟 in 2 months, at the start of june, when the summer heat finally comes and you’re finally past your lowest weight of 60kg and instead at 55kg, you’ll be able to wear bikinis without insane guilt or shame, hopefully slightly toned as well. you won’t be sweating like the pig you used to be last summer. you still may not be the thinnest one around you BUT you’ll finally be NORMAL. that’s all you’ve ever wanted. to not be the chubby one, or the one sucking in your stomach because of your gluttony. you’ll be at an average weight, somewhere where you’re considered “healthy” and people won’t worry about you and you won’t worry about feeling like everyone is staring at your chubby legs or fat rolls on your stomach. you’ve wanted this for years, and you’ll finally have it. you may not reach 50kg as you hoped but -10kg in less than 2 months is an achievement in its own, more realistic, and more maintainable anyway🌟

in 3 months, the start of july: when you’ve been living off fresh fruit and low cal popsicles to bare the heat of june you’ll hopefully almost be at 50kg in time for your 3 week holiday this month. all your dedication will lead to this moment. a goal you’ve been working towards since april. your family seeing you and you’ve lost 20kg in total since last year! imagine being able to say you lost 16kg of that in 3 months and kept it off - unlike your yo-yo effect of losing 10kg in 6 months and gaining most of it all back like a fatty! you’ll inevitably gain a kg or two during it, but you can always lose that once you’re back home.

in 4 months, at the start of august: you’ll finally be home from your holiday and after eating a normal amount for 3 weeks you’ll be able to slowly lose down to your ugw again with an increased intake. it may take longer than a month, but it’ll help you maintain it in the long run, and you can finally recover. 💗

come back to this any time you feel like giving up, none if this will become reality if you don’t put the work in.

♡

[vtoriacore-rbs]

tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).

[garfieldbussys]

starting ep 2 of s2 now 😔

WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO ADA

not ada ☹️

not prepared for this tbh ive been putting it off

you go ada she just need some guy in the balls i love her

not the inspector 😒 hes SO annoying

love that tommys got his priorities straight went straight for his cigs

he looks terrible 😞

get. your. fat. stick. off. him.

NO

GRACE WENT TO NEW YORK AND GOT MARRIED NO ☹️

sit back down. GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIS NECK

i dont think so. where are all these irish people coming from like what 😭

what is tommy doing? hes so silly why is using horse stuff also he cant go back to london i dont allow it 🙅‍♀️

HES PUTTING POLL IN CHARGE YAY

off topic but i ordered tops of tiktok shop and i desperately need them to come they’re so cute i wish i could put a pic in BUT i REALLY want a denim skirt to go with it so i might buy one of shein

i cant BELIEVE tommys gone back to london 🤦‍♀️

anyways thats all for now but im planning to binge for the rest of the day if all goes to plan so get ready for ALOT more updates sorry clo 😘

anyways hope you’re well my love 🫶

why did i not get the notifications for wtf. SORRY MY LOVE!! im here now.

i forget that like a majority of season 2 is tommy just like being a horse girl?? and just like paying more attention to his horses than anything else 😭😭

omg what about vinted for a denim skirt. (i ❤️ vinted)

it’s so annoying how we can’t insert pictures on the original notes because i was gonna leave you a whole screenshot of one of my chapters and i COULDNT UGH

tommy + london = trauma

IM ALL GOOD MY LOVE!! all the better for actually getting the notification for your messages TWO days later. wise up tumblr istg.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

[en-ternity]

FLATLINE IS HERE AND I JUST WANNA CRY OMG. LETS GAUR~

“We have to head back,” Jake shouted. “Or else we are going to be late and Jungwon is going to be mad — I don’t like it when Jungwon is mad.”

lolol not the tiny leader being mad and we are all scared here! but i agree with jake! jungwon is scary haha

You had to blink a few times to get used to it, and only then you saw Sunhae, that Jungwon guy of hers, and his friends — the four of them focused on a dartboard poorly placed in one of the beams.

STOP! Not the dartboard jdksajdkal i am brought back to iland days when the boys played dart LMAO so cute T_T

“I am Heeseung,” he said, moving his gaze at Jake for a brief second before he turned back to you, smiling. “I don’t think I have something special to state.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA not the "smiling" when he looks back OOF boy is already flirting dhjhdjsakdhjska

When you didn’t oppose it, he used your connected hands to pull you to him, and suddenly he was so close and the air stuffy. He smelled like the summer nights, like the brisk breeze of the county, like peonies, but as well as the leather of his jacket, and something that you remembered from the day your father taught you how to drive, the smokey scent when you couldn’t pull the car up the hill and forced the engine to its maximum.

HELLO??? This is so beautifully written BYE

“To operate the tents, but the losing team should volunteer to wear the sheep costume and hand the flyers.”

NOT THE SHEEP COSTUME DHJASKDHAHAHAHA I SWEAR WE SAID BEAR COSTUME! IM WHEEZING

“Do the honors, princess,” he said, extending one of the darts.

EXCUSE ME? I didnt expect the nickname so soon. LORD

“It’s her turn,” Jake protested.

“The dart is in her hand,” Heeseung replied with mischief.

THE WAY I SNORTED LMFAO and my mans is napping from the anime con lolol im wheezing because i am brought back to our talks of possessive Jake dhjsakhdjakhahahahahahaha I CANT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY SORRY

“But if you ever decide to binge all the attractions of a carnival again, or if you feel like doing anything you couldn’t — I am here,” he said, reaching for the top of your head, his fingers threaded through your hair as he gave the same soft and quick pat he did on the night of the party.

i am crying. TEARS, ROLLING DOWN PAST MY CHEEKS LOL why would you do this to me. bye

Heeseung thought your expression was the cutest thing he had seen during his twenty-four years of living, there was a certain urge in him to make it disappear.

i can see him squeezing his eyes shut at how cute yn is. PLS crying some more as i continue read

It was the first time you had ever said his name, and it caught him off guard. Not only because of your accent, but coming from your lips, it sounded soft and slow, almost as if you had stolen it and made it all yours.

YUMI, STOP THIS RN! I AM CRYING ENOUGH! THIS IS SO CUTE T-T the way he observes her and listens to her dhjakshdjakjak im melting

“Come on,” one of the women behind said. “Take that box and give your boyfriend a thank you kiss.”

DEAD ASS LMFAOOOOO this is me asf!

“Can I drive you home?” he asked. “I promise I haven’t drank anything today.”

NO NEED TO ASK TWICE!

“I want to see you again,” he whispered.

“I want you to see me again too.”

A laugh escaped from his lips, unintentionally too happy as he reached for his phone on the console and handed it to you.

HAHAHA THIS IS FUNNY! I laughed hella loud and then covered my mouth, turned my head back to check on mans and make sure he's still sleeping lmao

This was a Heeseung you weren’t sure you knew who he was.

OOOOOFFFFF GIRL! SHE IS GONNA LEARN TODAY! but girl, it'll be okay. he raced into your heart anyways dhjaskdhak

He closed his eyes at the familiarity of the moment, but as soon as the darkness welcomed him, you were there again — burning like sunlight.

Heeseung knew this place well enough to not need to think before exchanging the gears, he just kept in mind he needed to come back faster than ever.

H E L L O?!?!?!?!?! I cannot say this enough. omg!!!! this is so well written, bish! my heart racing and telling heeseung to not be stupid! OH GOD i am praying for dude to hurry tf up and come back to yn lol

He couldn’t simply tell he thought you shone like a heart of gold.

I CLENCHED MY ASS AND HE DIDNT TELL HER THIS? Unclenching my ass and omw to beat him up BYE

You were already painfully beautiful like this, but the moment you smiled at him — something stirred and moved inside of him.

i need a break lmfao i am crying way too much! T_T yumi, there are just so much love and i am digging this a whole lot

“I am not letting you slip away tonight,” he whispered.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH IT'S THIS SCENE! WE MADE IT HERE! FUCK MY LIFE!! HELP??? HAHAHAHAHA T_T

You were so beautiful, he could die all day and every night just to miss you.

CRYINGCRYINGCRYING

“Heeseung!” His grandmother screamed, startling you. “Why there’s such a pretty girl asking for you at my front door?”

PWUAHAHAHAHHA I AM THE GRANDMA BYE

“But now that I am teaching you, he may leave me and go with you.” she finished, causing Heeseung to choke on the air.

LOL BISH! I SNORTED HELLA LOUD HHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH i cant with granny. shes the best

If the whole afternoon hadn’t been homey enough, this — this kiss had been.

please T_T they are both so homey, i wanna stay home forever

“I am very lucky,” Heeseung whispered. “About everyone I have in my life.”

“They are lucky to have you too.”

“Do you think so?”

“I am sure so,” you said, and you didn’t need to look at him to know he was smiling at it.

my mom and dad, PERIOD

Heeseung was already walking towards you, acting as if there was no one else in his eyesight.

bro is so in love, im in love with them lmao

“Go get a room in the name of lord,” someone screamed, so close it hadn’t left any doubt it was for you and Heeseung.

TBH! I HAVE GLASSES FOR A REASON TO PROTECT MY EYES. CAN WE NOT RIGHT NOW?!

“Sunghoon has been complaining about it,” your mother added. “Send him a message once in a while — the boy has been wondering about you.”

the devil has appeared. bye LMAO LEAVING FOREVER

Heeseung was well aware the piece was cheap, probably the cheapest suit you have ever touched, but still, you folded it with so much care before you placed it over a nearby couch — with so much care, he couldn’t come into peace about what he was supposed to do with himself.

it's being taken care of with so much care because she loves him. and like im getting so emotional over this because when you love someone, cheap or not, you are willing to care for them. and ugh ME CRYING SOME MORE

“Now, this is what I call a worth-it movie scene,” your grandma interrupted, making Heeseung step back. “Is this the infamous Lee Heeseung?”

NOT ME ALSO BEING THIS GRANDMA TOO HAHAHAHAAHA

“Sunghoon!” your father greeted.

I CHOKED

“I heard you have been obsessed with a disposable camera,” he said. “So I bought this while I was in Japan last week, I think something higher quality would be better.”

I CANT SCREAM, YUMI LMAO SO HERE I AM, COVERING MY MOUTH AS I SILENTLY SCREAM! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! i forgot we talked about this scene. oh my god, my ass AND my heart are clenched!

“You didn’t need to protect the camera so fiercely.”

“It wasn’t the camera,” you said, and he smiled down at you because he knew.

IM CRYING AGAIN! because ugh, they understand each other so much and i love them. i just love them so much T_T

“Was it?” you asked. “Great?”

“Wonderful,” he whispered.

MOM AND DAD, PLEASE! STOP BEING SO CUTE! I AM CRYING A RIVER OF RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES!

“You are my downfall, but as well my saving, princess,” he whispered. “I hope you know it.”

I JUST FLEW OFF MY CHAIR! BYYYYYE! SEE YOU NEVER!!!!

“Yours,” he whispered.

“Early — when you were introducing me to your grandmother, you didn’t know what to title me,” he explained. “I am yours, no titles required.”

yumi hahahahaha you love making me cry, do you? how can hee say this RIGHT AFTER some love making. LET ME PROCESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED T-T i had to pause and cry ahahha this is so cute, wtf? hes such a lil bish! A SOFT BISH T-T

he wondered if the man ever wore anything that wasn’t dress pants and silk button-downs.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH I CANT STOP LAUGHING OMG IT WAS SERIOUS UP UNTIL I SAW THIS AHHAHA

she will forget this moment of charity

YOU USED THIS LMFAO I AM FUCKING LAUGHING! i didnt realize you would really use this line dgsahjdashahahahahahahaha

The cadence of his heart matched with yours. And it was so easy to believe you both are the only ones remaining in the world — so easy.

legit, mom and dad. hi. i am your child right here. fhajskdhjaskdhka T_T this is so pretty. i love them so much! i am going to protect them FOREVER

Heeseung would always wait for you.

i thought we agreed no major angst. you have taken the crown now lmao i am leaving

“Princess,” he called as soon as you picked up. “Have you looked at the moon tonight?”

me shaking and crying lmao i need a new tissue box frfr! YUMI, YOU SAID MY ANGST ARE MEAN. THIS IS MEANER! OMG

“I never got my architect license,” Heeseung said. “But if you tell me about your dream house, I can find you something.”

i remember us gushing over this scene and now im reading it and crying hahaha my emotions are all over the place and idk how to feel rn T_T

“I want to stay with you.”

“Then stay with me,” He whispered. “For as long as you want.”

they are so perfect. so FUCKING PERFECT. im gonna cry a wave of ocean haha

“You have been taking too much care of me, let me take care of you too,” he asked.

THIS IS ME FLYING OUT THE DOOR! BYE!

“Exactly — what if they tell you something that makes you want to leave me?” Heeseung asked, although there was a hint of entertainment in his voice, your answer was solemn.

stop it T_T he wasnt even joking either!!!! my heart breaks more and more for my bro man

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved having you in my car, and the shower, but having you here — all pretty on my bed, I will take my time with you.”

ME CRYING AND SCREAMING IN SILENT HELLO?! I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS PART! OH MY GOD. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO PAUSE AGAIN OH LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME!

“We should listen to what the youth has to say,” she smiled.

AHEM! Again, i am the grannies lmao

“Please, no sir — we are all family here.”

SHIP ME TO DELULU LAND RIGHT FUCKING NOW OMFG

OKAY I AM DONE. i cried, i laughed, and i cried again ahah i screamed for a little bit, but i was able to hold my composure again. idk how many times i changed the music to fit the mood. everything was beautiful. absolutely beautiful. ignore my commentary in our DMs hahahahaahahha THESE ARE THE REAL ONES. I couldnt stop picturing everything that heeseung was seeing and doing when he's with yn. i felt all the emotions of love in here and oh my god, LET ME GO CRY AGAIN HAHAHA

p.s. the mole tracing scene could've still been added at the end BUT ITS OKAY LMAO i can wait for that extra scene :P

I LOVE YOU MY SOUL SISTER!

I AM CRYING! I JUST CAN’T WITH YOU! This story is so long that I didn’t expect you to do your long reviews but here we are 🥹

The story wouldn’t have come to life without you, seriously, if you weren’t here to listen to every stupid question, every stupid doubt, and mental breakdown, I wouldn’t have had the courage to finish it (and I wouldn’t have made Sunghoon so hateable) so thank you so much for your help (ever since January!) and this review ♥️

I can really picture you as the grannies lol they were the best and so funny just like you! I LOVE YOU!

[sugar-free-grape-lemonade]

I'm so disappointed in myself I've basically gained back all the weight I lost. I'm such a fat failure

But finals are almost over which means I'll be moving back home and looking for apartments for my job (I'm graduating and moving to a different state at the end of the summer for work yay!) And while I hate being at home there's not nearly as much free food shoved in my face and there's fewer people watching me eat (I live in my sorority house so it's hard to restrict and purge bc everyone is always nearby) so I'm gonna get back on my shit esp since this is about the same time last year I started losing significant weight

I also have a specific date I want to lose the weight by, it's one of my friends' grad parties, and this guy who fucked me over is probably gonna be there so I need to look good (I am in my "fuck men and ruin their lives" era) plus I want to have good habits for when I move because I will be living alone and it's basically the start of my adult life bc im done with college and school and i have to work for the rest of my life now so might as well start it off right: skinny and with good habits for staying skinny

So basically I have 63 days to get thinner, which I will start off by buying an ungodly amount of diet coke (it is on sale at shoprite)

My plan is to eat less than 1200 cal per day bc that seemed to work really well before, obviously I can go lower than that if I feel like I can but I'm risking a binge if I restrict myself to too much lower than that

Also I think I'm going to start out with a 24 hour fast and then do 16-18 hour intermittent fasts every day

I'm under 21 so once I go back home no alcohol is really easy to do (my parents don't drink and they don't want me drinking) plus I'm thinking I'm done with college now, might as well stop binge drinking so much and just drink wine and vodka sodas, (classy corporate girl vibes and less calories than cocktails, plus better for your health tbh) but that can wait till I move, so less calories ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Also for exercises I want to start cycle syncing once I come off the pill (since that apparently makes it harder to loose weight, plus I'm not super good at remembering to take it so i don't think it's super effective for me anyways) so I've being doing workouts with this cycle syncing app called 28, it adjusts the intensity of your workouts based on where in your menstrual cycle you are, plus it's easier for me because I don't have to make a schedule, and then I go for a walk and just make sure I hit at least 15k steps, plus I go for a run on sundays

I'm back on my shit haha I better get skinny

[roselink2123]

okay so i fell off a bit so im trying to reshape how im gonna go about losing weight from now on

okay so when i did get to my lowest weight (105lbs) all i really did to get there was just eat half of everything's serving size (ex: one full sandwich is a serving size eat half of the sandwich) i didn't really work out, i didn't get my steps in that often and i got to 105lbs. so now i think ill just go back to that. oh, and i never had breakfast. but i think ill go back to just eating half of everything because

It shows control, i only ate half, i didn't have to eat the full thing

It's not really hard and i can eat a lot of the things i want to and i can just eat in general it just won't be as much

so anyway, ive already started implementing this today, hopefully it continues, but for breakfast i was just gonna have a banana and peanut butter (best thing ever ong) because i had a hunger pang and i know we all love those (ana's talking to you, whatnot) but I thought that maybe if i just fulfill this need, enough for it to go away, it won't lead to a binge like starving does. and i got half way through and i stopped and was like 'hmmm im not really hungry anymore, im not full but my body doesn't really feel like I need to keep eating' so i got some water felt pretty good and gave the rest to my dogs.

anyway im gonna try and keep it up, it's honestly a really easy thing to do if you ever wanna try plus you're more aware of your food because you know the serving size, plus technically you could eat whatever you want but just half and i think that's a pretty nice deal

also if only eating half is really hard at first you could always just try leaving a few bites of food and then eventually half, and you can always have the half you didn't eat later, the food isn't going anywhere

[less-than-this]

✨intro✨

——————————————————————

hi it’s me, back on my bullshit again. i used to be very active in this community a couple years ago, covid fucked me, i went through therapy (for binging) but were back to old faithful that worked when i originally did it

i lost my old blog which also put me off things, but we’re back! getting into the gym and getting back into not fucking eating so yeah

——————————————————————

anyway intro ig:

im a 19 y/o uni student from the uk

go by she/they, and you can call me autumn

honestly haven’t weighed myself in a few weeks, but we’re putting the sw at 281 lbs

ugw is 112 and im going to pretend i can actually do that so i don't go insane

the hardest part about this is gonna be hiding it from my flatmates who are very aware of my mental health so woo

ANYWAYS,

if y'all ever need to talk to someone my inbox is always open <3

i wish u all luck in life

——————————————————————

blog notes:

this blog is a huge TW for eating disorders and basically just self loathing? i will never be pro ana or anything like that and i urge you to get off this site and seek support - you deserve it i promise

this is purely for myself, having an active blog is what really keeps me on track and stops me from spiralling

some of my posts will be tagged, but only so i can find them (i.e. dates and food logs)

unless otherwise stated, any photos uploaded aren't me so yeah

also please don't use my food logs as an example of what to eat, even though we're all starving ou rselves, take it from me and try eating things that aren't just sandwiches and pasta

i use fitbit for all my tracking so there you go :)

——————————————————————

[titan-god-helios]

tw self-destruction mention, painkillers, overdose, s/h, eating disorder

like. what if i didn't stop taking the painkillers actually. but i don't want to die i just want to suffer. or make the outside look like the inside. i'm so fucked that i scared myself out of the painkiller od shebang but i'm still kind of fucking addicted to them, considering i've been consistently taking them almost everyday for like. a month or so. or if not addicted to them specifically then addicted to the s/h. cause fuck man i need to stop taking them or else i'm gonna fuck up my body permanently before im even 18 but if i stop i need to fill that void somehow with some other form of self harm but i cant cut or scratch or poke or do anything that will leave marks because if they get seen i'll just get in trouble for self harming or get ostracised or misunderstood instead of getting help but at the same time i NEED to do something like that. that's why the painkillers worked so well - they're invisible but i know it's still harmful and i can feel it when i get peaceful or my heart starts to race a bit or my side starts to hurt or i cant breathe properly for a minute or two before it goes back to normal. i wish magic was real. then i could scratch the shit out of my skin all i want and then heal it with magic and badabingbadaboom no one would have to see. i wouldn't have to hide anything in fear of getting told off for self harming (which. if you think about it is real fucking stupid). maybe i should go back to my eating disorders n shit. but then again im too heavily watched all the time every day to actually stop eating like i fucking want to, and i dont feel like binging because ahahaha. body issues are already bad rn why the fuck would i make it worse. anyway i'll probably drink or something tomorrow. today. whatever. bye

[rrxnjun]

yeahh stress is pretty bad and it got to me so🤕🤕 but doing much better now so that's at least good!! ahhh i hope u don't stress much as well!!!! and sometimes it's good to just take brakes from studying so i think u should count being on tumblr as that🫠

chenle hit hard dude and i'm so happy about it in a way cuz at least i relate to something🥲 but what took me off guard in the middle of wiping my tears is when i saw my birthday as one of the dates so that made me laugh so hard for some reason🫡 well it will be a while till i know the results so we will see but i don't think it will be better🥲 ahhh thank u for saying that i appreciate it i kinda needed to hear that so thanks;-;-;-;💓💖💞u are too lovely;-;💖💞

WELL THAT DOESNT MATTER IM JUST GLAD TO HEAR ABOUT IT🥳 uuuu i'm so excited about it wahhh🥳🥳 WELL I DIDNT MIND THE LAST ONE AS WELL CUZ I LOVED THE TRAILER SO EVEN IF IT WOULD HAPPEN NOW I WOUDLNT MIND I DONT THINK🤣

well i'm very glad that u translated it to me so u are the best slovak person out there imo🫡🫣

oo god🥲 IDK WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO RUDE ABOUT NOT SPEAKING A LANGUAGE☹️SOME PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB AND RUDE MY LORDDD☹️☹️and german is a hard language anyways🥲 that's probably more than enough german words a person should know🫡 well let's just hope and pray u only run into nice people in hungary!!! I WILL GLADLY HELP WITH ANYTHING NEED IN HUNGARY🥳🥳🥳 (ofc sending it right now as i write/j)

i'm not gonna lie i will call myself a stan of treasure but still have trouble with jeongwoo and jaehyuk for some reason AND I HAVE BEEN FOLLWOING THEM FOR LIKE A YEAR NOW AND ITS NOT LIKE I DIDNT WATCH A CRAP TON OF STUFF WITH THEM so🤕🤕🤕 and i genuinely don't know why i switch them up so often🫤 i'm praying for u hopefully u won't die from laughing too much cuz they are very funny (and i tend to be the same way so i feel u on that one🫣) DUDE I LAUGHED OUT LOUD LMAO u really said the communist bugs bunny meme with that one🤣 i knew it wouldn't be long till i have to share him💔he his just too amazing🤭 YEAH I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT TBH🫠🫠that's what got me as well and his whole style tbh

U NEVER DISAPPOINT!!! AND U JUST NEVER MISS!!! i think my thoughts were kind of a mess cuz of the crying but it was amazing i loved the whole story so much!!! thank u for being an amazing writer!!!

(u are going to get me blushing for real i'm glad to hear that!!! ur replies usually make my day u are just too lovely🥹) (liebestraum anon💕)

awh i hope you relax even more soon, stress is a bitch. me personally i dont feel it but thats just bc i supress it a lot LMAO 😭😭 but thankyou for saying that yes i do consider tumblr as my mental health brake SJSJS

chenle did hit hard poor boy 💔 also omg no way???? which date 🤭 (if u feel comfy sharing ofc)) i originally wanted to add my bday too but it didnt fit with the timeline so i had to change it 🙄🙄 i did write abt marks and renjuns bday altho i did manage to sneak hyuck's in as well🤭

AHAHA no bc i was telling myself when posting it like "this is my promise that im gonna finish the fic" AND THEN I DIDNT DJSJSJ so i dont want that to happen again. i was clearing out my notes ((where i keep all my fic ideas) and found the liebestraum idea dated all the way back to 2021 😶 SJSJ i really do need to finish it soon

it was a middle aged woman tbf i shouldve expected her to act like a karen ☹ german is a hard language and also austrians sound completely different than germans do 😭😭 their dialect is kinda different and they even have different words for some things LMAO but thats not the point. also im arranging the budapest trip as we speak /j

AHAHA i think im a baby teume now dont tell anyone and after binging most of treasure map i can confidentely tell the three i mentioned apart like 70% of the time so 😶 im so sorry everyone. THEY ARE INSANELY FUNNY and also very very genuine i feel 😶 they are just some guys doing things and being real and i respect that AHAHA its like watching friends hang out and feeling like youre a part of their circle. altho every time yedam appears on the screen my heart breaks bc ive had the biggest soft spot for him ever since seeing him on the stray kids survival show 💔 he has a special place in my heart SJSJ when the news came out i was like oh that must be heartbreaking to hear im glad im not a treasure stan and look where we are now 😭👍THE COMMUNIST MEMEMSHSJSK STOP no but im afraid this is the reality i did not steal your boyfriend we are sharing. HIS STYLE!!!! but also his personality he is a menace (affectionate) and for some reason thats my type of men

also it breaks my heart to hear that ppl cry to my fics oh noo😭😭 but at least that means my words can move someone ig??☹ thank you sm for supporting me and for being great i always look forward to interacting with you

[wildheadtendsherhair]

2023/02/02

Skin Picking

Havent been on here a while since ive been picking so little, its hard to remember to post! Ill take that as a partial win. But anyway, can you guess why im back? Yep, its day 0 again. And surprise surprise, my skin is bumpy and red again. When i was still on my streak, its amazing, i could use however much lotion i wanted and not breakout. It truly wasnt any products, it was just me touching my face all the time. I still got blackheads, but they were so hard to see because they werent red. I was disappointed to to figure out that acne pads arent enough to get rid of blackheads. I think i have to at least scratch off the top layer? I dont know. Grr! Honestly tho when blackheads arent angry i find i dont mind them much. Hardly at all, actually.

Hair

Great. Still so short! I still look like a fairy pixie, but sometimes by nightfall i just look like an oily unkempt person, and its not because of sebum. Just something about the uneven ends and the short length. Tempted to get it cut, but theres not really any good options? Cutting off and inch would probably dramatically decrease the frazzledness, but not comletely eliminate it, *and* it would be an inch shorter. I only have four inches! I wish i kept more track of how fast my hair grows. Ive heard half an inch is average. See heres the thing people dont think about when trimming hair—its inherently temporary. If you trim half an inch, thats one months worth of growth. By the end of the next month, you'll have grown another half inch. But, the growth will be uneven. So youre back to where youve started, right? No wonder it felt like i could not grow my hair out past a certain amount once my mom started making me get "the split ends cut off". Itll probably all be worth it when it gets long. Unkempt but cool & cute wild animal [insert pic of Power]. That said, i do wonder how long itd need to be to get the dorky but clean Queen's Gambit haircut…

Diet

Still doing Weight Watchers. I hecked up this week, ate under. Ended up binging last night. But it was the first time in a long while, so im proud of what ive accomplished. Silver lining, i mean. It was a very sucky experience being that full. Painful, even. But ive recovered! And im gonna be more liberal with my points earlier in the day. No point in being cautious if i can always eat 0-point foods at the end of the day, and it becomes an imperative to not if im regularly hitting the end of the day with spare points. It was a bit of a successful experiment, because i wanted to see if me eating under naturally would hurt me later, and, well… But im a little worried, because me eating whatever and "lots" this morning has only led to a normal breatfast of ten points. And ive been eating until about an hour ago, so i may not be hungry for a timely lunch. :( But i am feeling peckish for a sub, so maybe soon ill order one and not shy away from the sauce. My point target isnt a minimum, its a, well, *target*! Wow! What a riddle!

Mood

Ive been on edge this week, after a week of feeling phenomenally well. I blamed it on work, but, maybe it was my eating? Or its a factor? Hard to say. I do have quite a few things started that i havent finished, and i think those are hanging on my mind; go long enough and it become tiring but you forget why. Its a hypothesis. Other than that, its been a great week. Started a cool playthru with some friends (and its a japanese project too), checked out warhammer for the first time and had a blast, study group has been great, i got back into DDR, and might go with a cool girl this weekend, i drew for the first time in forever and it turned out great (oh man i love my apple pencil). Fruitful month, january was. I might just need to remind myself to and practice relaxing. Worked for my sleep!