#anyway that and also I really need to do a LONG WINDED ANALYSIS on the affects of handling disability in this show

[engagemythrusters]

Okay. Watching The Bad Batch for the first time and I’ve only gotten 2/3rds of the way thru the first season thus far, but I feel I now understand the characters well enough to start making conjectures.

So here’s what I’ve got so far:

Due to the inherent Muchness of heightened senses, I wouldn’t doubt a sensory processing disorder for Hunter. It’s clear that he’s gotten a handle on it (aka learned to adapt to, compensate for, and understand it) by the time TBB appears in The Clone Wars, but I bet it was hard to deal with when he was younger.

Wrecker appears to have a developmental/learning/intellectual disability of some sort, compounded by a TBI. He struggles with bigger words and is impulsive, along with other notable markers. This could have stemmed from the accident that left the facial scar and blinded his eye, but it seems that, based on how the other three original bad batch clones act around him, that this has always been a thing. A TBI likely added to this, because he seriously just keeps getting smacked in the head, the poor guy. He’s just a walking headache.

That being said, he likely gets lots of migraines. Seriously, that much head-smacking can’t result in a fun, happy time up in his head, pain-wise. I suspect the other four get them, too. Hunter has to process a lot of information from all senses, and Crosshair from his sight. That’s a lot to deal with, and I know I get headaches from a lot less. Tech… he’s staring at screens all day. Blue-light headaches much? And Echo… he’s literally got so much going on up there, technology wise, that it’s undoubtedly the cause of many a migraine. He’s one bad interface connection from a seizure, practically.

Crosshair has some attachment issues, I think. Like I believe all the clones would, had they not been programmed otherwise. They never got held by a caring individual, for gods sake. Maybe later generations had older brothers to hold them every so often, but that’s not enough. They never got one-on-one care. And, since his programming never kicked in correctly, Crosshair has all of that just shoved into his twig body. So, RAD, due to his obviously avoidant nature.

Tech is autistic and I don’t think that’s debatable, really. Like that textbook autism (which leads to a discussion about his savant nature being paired with a highly autistic-coded character and the harmful impact that could create for us autistic people in real life. The same harm of Wrecker’s disability vs how he’s treated as an ‘it’ in the show (said explicitly by Cid) and how Crosshair, with evident attachment issues, is demonised as the villain. BUT THATS ITS OWN ESSAY TO WRITE.)

Omega has ADHD and that one’s not heavily coded like the rest, but I think it fits!

None of them have true favourite siblings, but each are easier to go to for different things. Hunter, for leadership and emotional advice. Crosshair, for silent understanding (pre-chip activation). Wrecker, for emotional understanding and grounding. Tech, for intellectual advice and rationality. Echo, for interpersonal advice. Omega, for intrapersonal advice and a fresh, new perspective on everything.

I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that Hunter would have the highest, shrillest scream. It doesn’t make sense, but it just seems right (to me personally).

Tech and Echo spend a lot of time on Echo’s implants and prostheses. Echo clearly isn’t using them for their original intent—some not even used at all—so they have to be updated, modified, or taken out. (As evidenced by the—I’m assuming what is a—neural interface he now wears and the lack of other implants he used to have in TCW.)

Echo has chronic pain, due to phantom limbs. That, and it must take a lot out of him for those prostheses. They're melded to him in a way that seems... not user-friendly. Techno Union wasn't doing it because they wanted him to live a fulfilling life. They did it because they needed him. They wouldn't care about his pain. It's unlikely that he doesn't feel constant pain. I'm guessing his everyday average pain level it's equivalent to what normal people (i.e.: people who aren't me or other chronic pain-havers) would consider a 4 out of 10.

I have a feeling that most of them know the basics of swimming, but likely aren’t good at it—Wrecker especially. And, with all that armour, it probably wouldn’t matter if they could swim or not. That shit will absolutely sink them. Omega, once taught, would LOVE IT, though.

Crosshair would let a tooka adopt him. As in, he would let the cat follow him around. Whether or not he’d do anything for or about the tooka… I don’t know. But he’d allow it. (Wrecker would dote on the thing if it followed him. Lula and said tooka would be his best buds. He may like explosions, but he’s a sweet guy at heart!)

Echo and Crosshair have absolutely held staring contests. Asserting dominance. (Somehow, despite not having been involved in the first place, Wrecker has won at least two of them.)

Hunter has a taste for meilooruns. Tech does not.

All of them snore. Echo’s even has an electronic buzzing to it. Tech is absolutely the loudest. Omega has wished to smother them all in their sleep.

[exaflux]

How good is BTAA Scarecrow at therapy really? (An Analysis) (Part 2)

[Part 1]

Alt title: What the hell is JoyCure anyway?

Now onto the long overdue second part of this analysis series looking at the most ethical psychologist the world has ever laid eyes on. We simply must rate his performance!

I apologeese for the delay on this. Been in my drafts for over a month blegh.

This is a very long analysis compared to the first part, word of warning.

This part contains- more breaking down of psychology approaches some in less detail if covered in the first bit, Harvey almost falling off a skyscraper, and in the conclusion some talks on JoyCure and a talk on how Jon views "trust" (if you're into character analysis)

Disclaimer- I am not a trained psychologist or therapist or anything of the like, I just like psychology as a topic. This writing is purely for fun.

Harvey and Two-face will be referred to seperately in this analysis, but if referring to both Harvey will be used as default. Jonathan is still Jonathan.

Delightfully surprised by all the people who enjoyed the first part by the way! The likes and reblogs are much appreciated~

Session two-

The following all takes place in S2, Episode 7 unless otherwise stated

This session starts out with Harvey and Two-Face talking amongst themselves, focusing on a strange noise they can mutually hear in the background. In his confusion, Harvey asks Jonathan if he's still there, to which he responds: "Yes. I'm right here, Harvey. You can leave your blindfold on until I tell you to remove it, please" (10:37). Immediately responding to the questions of a worried client would help with setting their nerves at ease while minimising the amount of time they'd experience distress, with the added bonus of some trust building. Also Jonathan is so polite here! What a nice man.

That sound that Harvey's hearing, by the way, is explained by Jon as such: "That's Harmony, Two-Face. You've never known a moment of it in your entire tortured existence" (10:55). Reminder that wording matters as it can influence client outlook, especially in a therapy setting. Describing a client's experiences as a "tortured existence" is quite negative and is not an example of a good therapy practice.

A bit further on Jonathan starts advertising his goods explaining why Harvey is hearing weird stuff, claiming "the JoyCure has brought peace at last to your long inner conflict. You simply must trust me. Remember, we talked about trust when you agreed to put that blindfold on for me?" (11:24). This sets the scene as a trust exercise. Not too bad. "You said to cooperate. We cooperated" "Yes, Harvey, cooperation, that's exactly what today's lesson is all about [...] I want you to cooperate with you" (11:36) Never mind. Please do not gaslight your clients then claim you were talking about something completely different when they catch wind of it. 🚩❌ The memory is actually quite suggestible. You can influence a person's memories by both wording used in a question and how you word it. As a psychologist Jon should know this.

Directly following on from Jon's previous statement, Two-Face says he doesn't get what Jon means, so he goes on to clarify "We have oh so many ways we wage war within ourselves every day. You're just an unusually extreme case" (12:01). This is a very interesting thing for Jon to say given his tendency to negatively describe his clients' situation, and at a blush I almost said this was within acceptable therapy practices. Almost. See, here he establishes that everyone suffers from inner conflict, and Harvey's situation is just a step above that. It's notable enough to comment on, being "unusually extreme" but it's still very much kept within the realm of normal behaviour. Imo the language use here ("extreme") doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation but is an observation, but your mileage may vary. This sounds good, right? But then you have to ask- why is Two-Face needing to ask about this to begin with? This session has been set up as a trust exercise already, and these have to be discussed and agreed to beforehand. It's ethically necessary. This tells me that Jonathan has completely neglected to explain the how and whys with Harvey before all this stuff was set up for the session. He broke ethics.

"I am going to take off your blindfold now, and then I'd like you to tell me how irrational you believe your fear of high places to be" (12:42). Always good practice to give clear and easy to follow instructions to clients if you're doing an exercise with them. After Harvey removes the blindfold, finding himself standing outside of a skyscraper window, Jon wants to know his thoughts- "Tell me how do you feel?" (13:18). Again therapy stuff. Therapists ask questions on how their clients feel about certain experiences, and in identifying a feeling clients can then work towards learning why they feel that way.

We find out that Harvey finds himself unbothered by how high up he is, and later that this is due to the drug he took, JoyCure. Immediately after being asked whether he'd like to look at the view alongside Harvey, Jon responds "Thank you, I'll stay here inside where it's safe" (13:40). As if it isn't obvious enough already, standing outside a skyscraper window isn't exactly safe. Therapists, don't ask your clients to do this either. Jon throughout most of this segment doesn't sound too bothered by his own breaching of ethics, in fact he sounds like a kid who just got told they'll be getting $50 worth of Robux after class for peak gaming. Maybe it's because he's still a therapist and considers all this as progress in his client? Who knows. Either way, Jon slowly gets Harvey to do increasingly more and more dangerous things on the ledge outside the window: "In fact, you might even dance a jig on that narrow ledge if I asked you to" (14:30), "[...] you would walk to the end of that flagpole if I asked you to, I bet" (15:07). Again, this is dangerous. At the very least he's just suggesting this. It's not like he's telling Harvey (who's still relying on others to make decisions for him at this point) to walk that flagpole, right? "Yes, I want you to show me you can walk it like a tightrope [...] Walk to the very end" (15:22). Ah.❌ At the very least he's celebratory of his client's achievements, exclaiming "Congratulations Harvey!" (15:56) when that flagpole does get walked like a tightrope. Nice.

"Now this next part is very dangerous. When you're ready, turn around and come back" (16:06)- Once again, wording matters in therapy settings. Stating that the next part of the exercise is dangerous would definitely not help with putting client's worries at ease.

Neither Harvey Two-Face nor Two-Face Two-face can make heads or tails cough cough of what they've been told to do. "What do you mean when we're ready?" "Simply discuss it amongst yourselves. When you mutually decide you want to come in, turn either to your left or alternately turn to your right and come back" (16:15). Jon again making his instructions clear to his client. Two-Face becomes uneased at this response however and wants Jon to tell him what to do, with Jon declining to (16:39). This is still within the realm of normal therapy practices as Jon can't do this exercise for Harvey.

Also, at this point it'd be good to mention that despite me characterising this whole thing as a "trust exercise" up 'til now, that isn't strictly the only thing it is. This whole scene is actually an example of exposure therapy. This form of therapy is performed normally on people to help treat phobias and various anxiety conditions, OCD and PTSD. As the name suggests, this is done through presenting the client with whatever thing is a trigger to them in feeling anxiety and over time through exposure they'll (in theory) feel less anxiety over the trigger. One caveat though- you're still supposed to talk about this with a client beforehand, understand how comfortable they feel with doing the exercise and be completely willing to stop the exercise if the client no longer wants to do it. It's apparent already that Jon hasn't done this. There's multiple types of exposure therapy, this one is called gradual exposure, or systematic desensitisation. With this version of the therapy a client is supposed to make a tier list of what things give them least to most anxiety called an (exposure hierarchy), then they work their way up at their own pace. Jon here seems to be calling the shots though much more than his clients on how much they "face their fears" as it were, especially given Harvey can't make any decisions for himself.

In fact, to make things even worse again, Jon increasingly makes the exercise more anxiety-inducing than it needs to be. He presents Harvey with more and more decisions ("Come on, Harvey. Turn right or turn left. Then once you've turned, do you lead with your left foot or your right?" (16:53)) then plays dumb about knowing that Harvey can't currently make decisions on his own, "Ah, but you're without your coin. I'd forgotten." (17:11). Of course he's BSing about forgetting, especially when you notice how he suggested walking the flagpole earlier ("you would [...] if I asked you to, I bet" (15:07)) which makes one wonder if he was wanting to see to what extent that Harvey would actually do what he was told. Hmm... Either way though, he's being a twat and deliberately causing distress. ❌❌❌

This part is the juiciest bit of the session- Harvey tells Jon that he's afraid, and Jon talks about the drugs, JoyCure, he put Harvey on. Unfortunately, the details on JoyCure will be left for the conclusion as it is too juicy. But, about Harvey being afraid, Jon has this to say- "Your real fear isn't high places. The fear your feeling right now? That's the fear that defines you, Harvey. The fear of having to make a decision [...] No coin. No counsel. Just the two of you." (17:34). To recap everything that has went on so far, Jon tried to make out all this was a trust exercise (and according to Two-Face, he was just told to co-operate) and then it turned out that all this was actually an attempt at gradual exposure. But now we find it actually isn't, because the fear that that therapy would have treated isn't actually a fear anymore due to JoyCure. Instead, Harvey has been dunked directly into his real fear, making a decision, which is closer to a different type of exposure therapy: flooding. Flooding (unlike gradual exposure) is basically the theraputic equivalent to throwing you in the deep end of whatever you're made anxious by. It's a valid therapy technique, but is only used in particular circumstances and again with the consent of the client first. Do we think that Jon got permission from Harvey to do this type of therapy? Probably not.

If it's all too much info to understand, here's a simplified diagram:

At this point the session devolves more and more into being a train-wreck. There's hardly any actual therapy going on.

As a rundown:

Harvey wants off the flagpole. Jon's immediate response is to faux panic about Harvey slipping before mocking him with a fun fact, "Did you know a baby's first instinct is a fear of falling?" (18:02). ❌

Two-Face threatens Jon with a "I'll kill you!" and Jon barks back "You said "I"! That's a breakthrough! One of you is taking charge!(18:10). A breakthrough is another word for a milestone in therapy. But really him calling it a "breakthrough" I don't think should be taken at face value for... Obvious reasons here. ❌❌

And finally, right before the session ends, our world renowned psychologist says "Come on now. You simply need to agree upon a strategy before it's too late" (18:24). Which I mean, he's making light of the situation and how easy it sounds (in theory) for Harvey to have both his halves work together. Definitely not an empathatic approach like you'd want from a therapist.❌❌❌

In conclusion:

Just as with his first second? session with Harvey, Jonathan demonstrates good skills as a therapist, but misuses those skills repeatedly. Again, he ignores ethics and purposefully causes distress to his clients, being even worse about it than the first session somehow. At least in the first session you could argue that he made some attempt to follow standard therapy room procedure up until a point. Here though? Definitely not.

In fact just to overview everything that happens in the session, because it's a bit much to process all at once:

Harvey goes to do this exercise blindfolded, not being told what's happening until he's already outside the window. Jon goes on this whole "trust me" spiel and Two-Face points out they were told to co-operate.

Jon talks about his drug JoyCure and how it's stopped Harvey's conflicted feelings. He then tells Harvey to remove the blindfold and report how he's feeling.

He then suggests/outright tells Harvey to do increasingly dangerous stunts. You could argue this is gradual exposure therapy, but done in the worst way possible.

After he gets Harvey to walk the flagpole, Jon tells Harvey he can come back whenever he's ready. During this he's very vocal and clear on what Harvey should do. Harvey can't make a decision, Jon knows this.

Harvey shits the bed because it turns out the real fear he has is over making a decision for himself. Jon knew this the whole time, and knew that JoyCure wouldn't help with that. Suddenly the method of therapy used has shifted to become flooding therapy.

Jon absolutely refuses to assist Harvey during any of this when it comes to overcoming his fears. The session only ends because Jon's secretary calls him.

So what can we get from this beyond our wonderful analysis subject being absolutely atrocious as a therapist? Well two major things stand out.

Firstly, that Jon knew from the beginning how everything would play out. He knew how JoyCure would affect Harvey and to what extent it would. He knew that "the fear that defines" Harvey was decision making, and he most likely figured this out this from as early on as the first session if one remembers how that went. Everything from beginning to end was elaborately set up in the session to make Harvey face his defining fear head on. This plays out very similarly to the first session- Jon steered everything in the direction he wanted it to go in just to make Harvey acknowledge his fears.

Thing is though, this premise has some... Interesting implications if one looks at what Jon talks about at the start of the session. Now granted I did try saying that Jon was speedrunning therapy last part of this analysis series. That idea still stands imo shitposty as it is. But to add to it though, to focus on how Jon apparently "talked about trust" before the session began. Two-Face responded that they were told to co-operate though rather than trust, and unless it's a situation where Harvey Two-Face misinterpreted something that was said, chances are he was just told to go along with it not that he has a choice. Trust was also mentioned first session too, where Jon explains that establishing a bond of trust would be the best way for him to help Harvey, and that translates to him removing Harvey's coin. Hell, Jon even tells Harvey "I think we're gonna make excellent progress if you just put your trust in me" as early as their first meeting (S2, E4, 33:04).

So what might this all mean? Just going off of the two sessions observed so far, Jon's method of doing therapy is to seek out what main fear makes a person tick, then try and get the person to acknowledge and/or face it head on whether they'd like to or not. His idea of "trust" is just having a person be unable to (or at the very least, not likely to) resist. As for his intentions about all this... That's honestly up for discussion. But! I'm hard pressed saying that none of it is him actually wanting people to overcome their fears. Not downplaying how terrible he is mind, but it'd be perplexing that a psychologist who would be only focused on traumatising clients (who can also uncover what a client is frightened by so rapidly too!) would still choose to try and get the client to recognise that fear in themselves rather than just, ya know, not telling the client their deepest fears and scaring the heebie jeebies out of them. He even goes as far as to set up a session on a skyscraper to make an elaborate point about Harvey's defining fear. He tells Harvey beforehand what he needs to do in the session, and it isn't just doing everything he says: "I want you to cooperate with you". If Jon talks about "trusting him" it's bad news. He asks whether Skids trusts him during the infamous Stabberscotch scene too, again a moment where the person he's asking to trust him is forced to co-operate (S2, E4, 5:06), reinstating the point. That said, given Jon's belief that "fear sets limits on courage" (S2, E4, 4:15), I don't reckon that him wanting to see people overcome fear is out of any streak of benevolence as much as him just wanting to see how far that person's fear goes. The possibility they might be able to overcome the fear might be the real enticing thing for him.

Second major thing that stands out, that this JoyCure thing he put Harvey on. It stops Harvey from feeling his fear of heights but not his fear of making decisions. As for why, I wager it's because JoyCure is a drug that causes feelings of euphoria and dulls basic fear caused by instinct, but it doesn't help at all with fears you actively think about.

If you're really confused right now by what I mean I don't blame you, but it'll make sense.

At the beginning of the session, Jon uses the co-operation talk to segway into rambling about conflict. According to him, everyone feels conflict, and Harvey is just a step up from that. Conflict is caused by fear, and "When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict and there are casualties." (12:13). Harvey is on the drug, and he seems hunky-dory, not arguing with himself, but then again he doesn't have to: Jon is giving him instructions rather than making him do anything on his own. His fear of heights seemingly vanished, he doesn't feel even slightly nervous being asked to dance or walk a flagpole so high up. But, again, he's being told to do this. In fact, remember I mentioned earlier that Jon gave a fun fact, "Did you know a baby's first instinct is a fear of falling"? That's the thing, Jon is saying here (whether intentionally or not) that a fear of heights is hardwired into us from birth. Harvey's fear of it isn't unusual at all, but JoyCure prevents him from feeling that instinct anyway. And to elaborate further, "When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict", but Harvey is scared of heights, scared he might fall off because the height will harm him, and he's on a skyscraper so it's true. There is no inner conflict in knowing his feelings are unfounded, because they are.

So overall, if I'm right with this idea anyway self-preservation while on JoyCure goes functionally out the window. You'd normally get nervous putting your hand near a hot stove tops for example, knowing you'd get burnt, but if you took JoyCure you wouldn't feel any nerves at all about it. To again quote Jon, "Fear is a furnace which must be fed. What I have done is empty your mental coal tinder" (14:22) talking about how the drug works, that whatever "tinder" is there (in this case instinctive fear) is emptied. So, I suppose, consciously fearing is the equivalent of adding tinder again? I mean, Harvey starts feeling fear because he consciously has to make a decision, he has to think about it actively and worry actively, rather than just have the fear be reflexive like it would be dealing with something dangerous. I imagine because of this the drug also wouldn't work as a treatment for anxiety disorders. Very Sadge 💔

FINAL SCORE FOR THE SESSION:

🎊 1/10 🎊

How the hell Jon got worse than first session I have no idea but here we are. The extent of his therapy here is using psychological theory to prove a point to his clients that they're terrified of making decisions on their own. Elaborate and impressive! He probably spent more time planning how this session was gonna go than actually doing what's expected of him as a therapist.

This man does not care about ethics, client's feelings or whether his sessions might kill a man.

In fact he knows his sessions might kill someone. He plans them out after all:

"When what we know is false coincides with what we fear is true, that’s a conflict and there are casualties"

[soundbodys]

AMBROSE BASSFORD: autism?

hi!!!! welcome to part 1 of "i've got some thoughts on adamandi" >:) i have some other analysis that i do want to share about other things, not just randomly diagnosing fictional characters! but this post is about ambrose being on the autism spectrum <3

i'm not a medical professional by any means, but this is just coming from both my experience as an autistic person and the research i've been able to do about the disorder. and other people's experiences! please dont come for me if things are just a touch inaccurate. without further ado: lets fucking gooooooooo!

[ID: ambrose bassford with his hands on vincent lin's shoulders. he is looking into the distance with a determined look in his eye. vincent looks towards him with concern. end ID]

(please excuse my terrible quality screenshots. um. yeah.)

i'll also preface this by saying that yes, much of this is also informed by his status as a transgender student in the early-mid 1900s. i still think it's fun to analyze and compare my (and others') experiences to his!

THE MARMORIUS SOCIETY

[ID: preston monterey and adrian farthington (or miscellaneous marmorei) putting a letterman jacket on ambrose. ambrose is smiling. there is a caption at the bottom reading "rooftops that nobody frequents where secret societies meet" in all caps. end ID]

firstly, i will address the marmorius society. i'm fairly certain that the marmorei in "word to the wise" are meant more to represent the then-present-now-past members that welcomed ambrose freshman year rather than preston and adrian, but thats ok. what matters more is the subtext in word to the wise that we can glean from the choreography and interactions between ambrose and vincent. beginning the song, and similarly his freshman year, ambrose struggles to fit in like each of the other students entering ardess. he initially seems more comfortable interacting with vincent, but then gets taken in by the marmorei. this is exactly where his mannerism and attitude shift

here, we see ambrose fitting in (or, making an attempt to) with the other marmorei. from vincent's account, we know that ambrose's actions and behaviors almost completely changed after becoming part of the society. this is a really roundabout way of saying hey, ambrose found a place where he thinks he might belong! rather than learning and adapting to normal and regular social rules, he latches onto and mimics a very specific subset of people. to him, they know what they are doing and they have a way of being social that he can't understand so he mimics instead of just adjusting the way he already was. this mimicking makes a bit of sense in that he's not quite conforming to social cues (he still doesn't exactly fit in), but he's trying to. it feels to me a bit like how it is to feel alienated from your peers, even though you are trying your hardest to mask. of course, his "off"-ness is also contributed to by his transness so take that as you will.

2. WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?

[ID: ambrose is standing facing vincent. vincent is facing him with his hands to his back uncomfortably. the caption reads. "i've been looking to include more variations in body type." end ID]

this one is shorter than the marmorius society bulletpoint. actually, most of them are. that one is long winded. ANYWAY, ambrose is kind of... interesting when it comes to his interactions. specifically, he encourages vincent to join the marmorei by saying he's been "looking to include more variations in body type." to him, he's being completely honest and genuinely wants vincent to take interest in his phaethon project. unfortunately, to both vincent and much of the audience, this comes off as comically insensitive at best or offensive at worst. this comes from a lack of awareness of social cues, similar to the lack of knowledge of social norms from the previous bulletpoint. while he knows how to conform to the marmorei, there is still a lot of social cues he needs to work on. often, autistic people will speak bluntly and honestly in their communication. this is really not that far off, even if it was just a little gag!

3. OMG, SENSORY ISSUES!

[ID: caption reading, "he didn't eat the apple because he said he didn't like how its flesh felt on the skin of his thumbs." end ID]

kind of self explanatory. all metaphors aside, ambrose doesn't like the flesh of a peeled apple on his thumbs. i understand (<- i loooove peeled apples though)

4. BLACK AND WHITE THINKING: IF NOT ME, WHO?

[ID: lyrics reading, "if i was stronger i could fix this; / cut the bad and leave the good / be the marble and the sculptor / like my father says i should." end ID]

[ID: lyrics reading, "so my parents and my girlfriend / my closest friends and you / will know i deserve their love / once there's no more work to do / there are only three people who'll be perfect in their eyes / me, myself, and i" end ID]

two screenshots! often, autism causes what can be called "black and white" or polarized thinking. it's like, there's only one solution or there are only the extremes (although, this isn't to be confused with the black and white thinking associated with BPD. i don't have experience on that but ive heard quincy and vincent can fit the bill). for ambrose, there's only one solution to both his dysphoria and distorted self worth: becoming the perfect man by... becoming marble or whatever. as if there is only ONE way to do this, without alternative methods. i sometimes find myself in the same spiral, and have meltdowns either when it doesn't work out or if i'm offered an alternative solution that goes against what i thought might work. even in the second screenshot here, we see that he thinks the only way to earn love is through this specific task. he cannot be unconvinced, even if vincent tries to offer him an alternative solution.

5. WHY APOLLO, BOYS?

[ID: ambrose is hanging off a ladder, his hand out and mouth open singing. the caption reads, "apollo's look is yours: sound body, sound mind" in all caps. end ID]

this is where i dip more into the headcanon territory than i already have. i couldn't really include every screenshot where he talks about a) apollo, b) sculpture, or c) fitness. this is kind of part of his character in general but i like to think of it as his special interests. it's remarkable how many autistic people i know who have majored in something related to their spinterests (including myself! in a way)

6. DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF, LIN!

[ID: vincent awkwardly puts a hand on ambrose's arm, ambrose looks at him longingly. end ID]

ambrose... did not interpret the social cues correctly in the scene directly after "sound body, sound mind." it's really just written in the text, but just in case, i will remind you that vincent pretty much says "hey, i kind of strived to be like you because i had this incorrect assumption of who you were, sorry about that lol" and ambrose took it all wrong and thought this was a romantic advance. he just... didn't interpret it right. honest mistake, but a very common mistake among autistic people. and, unrelated to the autism thing, his comeback isn't smooth at all lmao

THERE YOU HAVE IT! i'm sure there could be more to be said, but my hands hurt (disability) and i can't think of any more off the top of my head. feel free to add on with anything you want to say!!!! thank you for reading!!!! here's the sillies for you, as a reward for getting this far :)

[ID: preston, ambrose, and adrian with their arms on each others' shoulders, stepping in sync. end ID]

[cats-mayhem]

My top 5 favorite twst characters and why I like them.

Erm. It's in the title. So let's get into it.

Everything is undercut in case you don't wanna see or somethn.

5. Jamil Viper

Jamil! I honestly think he's one of the most relatable characters. At least in my opinion. He's been told to hold back all his life, and because he does hold back, he thinks he's better than everyone else and thinks that if only he could show his true potential, then everyone will see him as better. BUT He isn't better than everyone. Book 6 really sold me on Jamil since his interactions with Leona felt so real. He isn't better than Leona. He isn't holding back anymore and yet he's still falling behind. And that hits him! He honestly has some of the best development in the series. Also Book 4 is just really good! I like how it delves into Jamil's backstory and his motivations for why he needs an elaborate plan to get Kalim dethroned as Housewarden. He wants to have some level of superiority that doesn't just exist in his head and he deserves it! Give him a break he's been through so much. He's also one of the funniest people in the cast I only say facts.

4. Rook Hunt

First things first. He is French and I'm not defending him from that. ANYWAYS He is also so fucking fun. He's so out of pocket for this game it's insane. He will say something very long-winded and poetic about leadership or beauty. And then the next sentence he's fantasizing about ripping a mans throat out. THAT MOMENT IN THE HALLOWEEN EVENT? Where Sebek is freaking out and Rook places Sebeks hand on his rapidly-beating heart and tells him that despite his calm demenour, he is also panicked but understands that being calm and logical is the best way to go about this. And that calms Sebek down. And then Trey is like "Don't tell me you can also control your heartbeat." and Rook is like "I'll let you decide on that!" LIKE?? HELLO?? He's so funny. On another note, I do like how he is the most mature student in this damn school. He's honest and upfront in his own way. He hardly lies, only really sugarcoats with his unique way of speaking. Vil literally points out that Rook didn't think their performance at the VDC was all that good since he didn't call it "beautiful" and Rook admits to it. He wanted to keep everyones high spirits but also didn't want to lie so he said something along the lines of "It was the best performance we could've given." or something like that. He's just so poetic and FRENCH that he just appeals to me.

3. Leona Kingscholar

Leona!!! Book 2 did my man so dirty and I'll never get the compensation I deserve. There's just something so fascinating about him. He's born as the second prince, gossiped about by the staff of the castle for his signature spell, is told that he'll NEVER get a chance at the crown no matter how talented he is. All while he was a CHILD. So he doesn't try. He's lazy and sleeps around a lot. The only times where he actively TRIES is when it's needed OR if it's for the betterment of the dorm. Malleus is a constant reminder of his failings and has what he'll never have. Despite all of his talent in the school, being one of the strongest mages in it, being one of the smartest not just academically but also socially. And yet, he's still only second best. I think he wanted Savannaclaw to beat Malleus in spelldrive because the spelldrive Savannaclaw team will have a better future. The reason he got held back twice was because of attendance. He doesn't want to leave and go home only to live the rest of his days in his brother's shadow. He doesn't want to live in a future where he knows what's going to happen. Leona's relationship to his future life is SO interesting to me and I wish more people went into it. Leona can fill a two hour analysis video I'm being so for real. He has such depth that wasn't explored enough in the book that was supposed to be about him. Justice for my man! And maybe some anti-depressants.

2. Ruggie Bucchi

POOR BITCHES UNITE!!! I love Ruggie so much he's just a guy. He's just like me fr. Out of all the top 5 this is the one where I don't have a lot to say. I just really like him. I suppose I could go on about how his background made him into one of the most hardworking characters in the whole game. I love how his schemes foil Jack's honesty. I like how much of a little scamp he is! He deserves all the money he gets. I love you Ruggie. THIS IS A PRETTY BAD EXPLANATION ON WHY I LIKE HIM. I JUST DO. I think it's because I relate to him on being poor and having to deal with not having certain luxuries and being a bit salty when seeing other people with those luxuries having a better life than you. And having to suck it up since at the end of the day, those people decide how much your work is worth. What a guy. Maybe I'll make a post about him later detailing how he relates to the socioeconomic themes of twst as a whole.

1. Jack Howl

Literally the most obvious #1 in the whole world. I can sit here for hours and talk about this man it isn't even funny anymore. When you first see him he gives off a big, mean but quite aura to him. But when you actually meet him he's a tsundere. But there is SO much more to him than that. First thing I wanna clear up: He is NOT a himbo, stop characterizing him as such. He's smart in his academics since he constantly studies. He's smart about fitness since it's very important to him. He IS however, socially inept. He always wants to be alone and do things alone mostly due to his big initiative. He always wants to do things the correct way though. He likes following rules and gets very upset when those rules are broken since he views rules as guidelines to better himself.

HOWEVER through book 2 he sees that those rules aren't helping everyone since Leona broke the rules in order to better Savannaclaw as a whole. Despite him being very disappointed in Leona and Ruggie, he still holds a great deal of respect for them. He holds a great deal of respect for all of his upperclassmen, and idolizes them in a way. He wants to be better than Leona. He wants to help Ruggie since Ruggie is basically second in command at Savannaclaw and he doesn't get the same amount of assistance as Leona gets from him. Despite his respect and idolization, he can still point out the wrongdoings of them and can actively criticize them for their actions. He doesn't glorify them. And I think what book 2 was trying to convey with Jack is his realization that sometimes the system is kinda fucked and it's OK to break the rules for the greater good. Unfortunately, it doesn't come across that way due to how badly book 2 was written. But it makes sense to me since in book 3 he actively sacrifices his class time to fight against Azul.

Azul isn't breaking any rules, but what he is doing is pretty fucked up and Jack can see that and wants to help. Of course, he frames it as him being upset that everyone else basically cheated with the exams and didn't take the exams with their own work and studying. He wants to measure his abilities in a fair environment. And honestly I think that IS his main reasoning for helping, but he can also have multiple reasons for doing a lot of things. He is a multi-dimensional character after all.

I know I didn't get into it when I mentioned it earlier but him being bad at socializing is a flaw with him. He can be rather rash and inconsiderate at times, but at other times he can be careful and caring. He just doesn't show that other side of him because he values how other people see him. He wants to be seen as someone big, strong and intimidating just like Leona. He wants to assert himself like that. He wants control over how his image comes across to others and this means suppressing certain parts of himself. Like I said before, a big part of Savannaclaw is the stunt emotional growth of all of the characters. Each one has their own problems that prevent them from going on with their life in a better mindset. Jack is apart of that! We don't know why he's like this, but I'm sure we'll find out eventually! Twst is weird with its lore sometimes. Only time will tell.

And to clarify, this is me being brief about his character. I could go SO MUCH MORE IN DEPTH if I wanted to. But I just wanted to point out some of the things I like about him.

If you made it this far, congrats! Here's a cookie and some fun facts. The cards I used for each character here is actually my favorite card of theirs! Number 6 & 7 were Azul and Jade. Originally wanted to make this a top 10 to include them but I thought top 5 was good enough. I like those two. they're silly. Will I make my top 5 least favorite characters list? Probably not! I don't wanna be attacked for disliking someones favorite.

Anyways bye!!!

[redinbluee]

Chainsaw Man, ch 121

(Hi, I’ll start doing Chainsaw man updates/analysis for every chapter now since I rlly want to talk about it (I have no one to talk to about it irl, and I like to express my thoughts on things). I apologise for my poor grammar in advance- my writing style is rant-like and difficult to read, I hope it’ll get better as I do more of these. CSM has been my biggest interest for so long and I just love it soso much so feel free to talk to me about it anytime!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, to today’s chapter- (121, Theory of Happiness) Spoiler warning!!

I’ll start with the title. This is probably my favourite title so far, not only does it summarise the message of the chapter well, it really resonates with me as well. It’s interesting to see how different people attain their happiness, while some people are constantly in a cheery mood, others might find it more difficult to gain happiness. Not only this, people attain happiness from all sorts of things. You can’t just ask someone to “be happy”, happiness is a naturally occurring emotional response that could not be forced. A lot of the recent chapters focus on relationships and how one may gain happiness through these connections. Asa is in a situation right now where is just so lonely, she has lost everyone in her life and is currently at a very low point. She gains happiness in the early chapters and then looses them in the blink of an eye. Her happiness is temporary, short lived. I feel terrible for her. Whereas Denji receives all this attention from groups of thirsty fans, but he seeks for a deep emotional connection- someone who is willing to accept the boy behind the facade and love him for who he really is. Asa has a high quality of life, there’s no evidence of her being broke, and she lives in nice conditions. But she is alone, her parents are gone- there’s no one she can talk to, no one to reassure her and tell her that she matters. Denji on the other hand, has lived a terrible life, and has lived in the worst of conditions. He was starving, broke, uneducated- but he was able to attain minimal happiness through the smallest of things, talking about his dreams with Pochita- finding small things in his life to be grateful of. I love this contrast that Fujimoto made. 

Interestingly, just a few days ago- I was talking with my mom. I was going through a depressive episode and I began talking about how I find it so difficult to attain my happiness. I’m financially stable, I have a great family, and I’m living a rather fortunate life- then why am I so sad all the time. I get all emotional over minor things, I worry too much and it tears me apart. And my mom agreed, she felt the same. I felt like a brat, a terrible child, I knew perfectly that there were people all around me suffering to much greater extents but I was only worrying about myself. This chapter came out at a perfect time. 

Asa lights up to the minimal attention someone gives her- she’s so starved from love it makes me want to cry. She gets so confident the moment Denji gives her the smallest compliment, and she quickly gets so emotionally affected by abandonment. It was also sad and funny to see how much Asa was trying to cope with her situation last chapter- I love her monologues and long-winded infodumps, I do the exact same. It makes me feel less alone. Asa struggles to admit that she desperately needs this love right now- her happiness almost depends on the people around her. She holds a distinct set of values that guide her through life without realising that she contradicts it- she makes up he mind that she prefers isolation then immediately gets all flustered when Yoshida does the bare minimum. I wish she could realise how much she needs a secure friendship right now- Asa being so sad right now makes me want to disintegrate. 

The chainsaw plush on the first page was cute. I wonder who put it there- I bet it was Iseumi. There were several moments in the chapter that reminded me of the reoccurring theme of “fame” in CSM so far and I would like to elaborate on it. Just from the plush, we can see that Chainsaw Man is a famous and impactful figure in the world of CSM right now, there have been several mentions of Chainsaw Man merchandise so far- like the chainsaw man bun and stickers that were talked about in 98. There is also the chainsaw man open call that might occur soon. We have managed to get a glimpse about how the public views and treats Chainsaw man, we see all these false claims about him in 103- while some people almost objectify CSM and worship him like a god (cough cough Iseumi), some despise him. While Chainsaw man is constantly being showered with praise, and at the same time- hate. All of this is directed towards a figure who is entirely a facade. No one knows about the broke, single father boy that lies beneath the mask. A high schooler who is a loser, who is lonely, who is under the control of a demonic gremlin child at home. Yoshida mentioned the importance of “parasocial relationships” on the third page of today’s chapter, I found that interesting- it almost felt like Fujimoto was referring to his own audience. About their obsession with his characters, their obsession with him as a writer without knowing who he really is. The chainsaw man figure lies helpless, defensiveness on the couch, listening to Asa and Yoshida’s conversation- he hears everything, but does not have the power to interfere. That’s the same as Denji’s situation, he is literally Chainsaw Man, a highly recognised and appreciated figure- but he is unable to be recognised for his true self. He is under the control of two people- Yoshida, who prevents him from breaking this facade and revealing his true identity to the public. Denji first-handedly hears all this criticism about chainsaw man in 103, but is then immediately shut off when he tries to prove his point. Denji has no voice in society, no one listens to him, know one appreciates him for who he is. And Nayuta, someone who controls Denji’s relationships with people, shutting them out from his life and harming them. Despite Chainsaw Man getting all this fame, none of them is directed towards Denji. I think the next few chapters will heavily explore with his relationship with playing the role of Chainsaw Man- is it really worth it, pretending to be someone else your whole life just to feed of ungenuine praise? 

It was creepy to see a dead body fall from the sky while Asa was contemplating suicide. It was unexpected and impactful. 

This almost reminds me of Asa’s reoccurring dream. She runs through the corridor, trying to not step on the dead chickens that obstruct her path. She couldn’t help but step on them- getting close to the impending darkness that lies ahead. Asa walks across the path, clouded by her own thoughts. Then boom- dead person falls from the sky. Asa had no control over the situation, she just happened to be there when the dead body fell off. Same as the dream. The chapter ends with people staring down at her from a tall building- The gaze is intrusive, accusational. Almost as if Asa had just fucked up- then the chapter ends on this cliffhanger. (And we have to wait 14 days) 

The panelling was beautiful in this chapter, Fujimoto has done it again. The contrast between Denji and Asa’s expression on page 10 was (chef’s kiss). While Denji is trying to convince himself that Chainsaw Man will bring him happiness (a false sense of happiness), Asa looks awful- she looks so sad. I expect that Denji will get a reality check soon, then fall into Asa’s current position as well. 

Second coolest page was page 5, bravo Fujimoto. Dude built the suspense by zooming into Asa’s face and Yoshida’s lips then boom- (next page) Yoshida steps out of the closet and breaks the tension. Props for coming out

I’m getting tired, that’s it for now

Side note- I love how Nayuta slapped Denji’s ass ahhaaha

[someabsolutenonsense]

I have been writing papers for days and have no eloquent bones left in my body, but nobody I know has read Nona so…woe, unhinged rant be upon ye.

Okay this isn’t really deep analysis I mean its fairly obvious but if I don’t get this out of my brain I will absolutely lose it. I’ve been thinking about the significance of Alecto/The Body/Earth???/Vengeful Space Barbie as connected to the poem Annabel Lee. So first of all…

“And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.”

Like this is right there. Literally it’s a tomb with salt water. It’s right there.

“And neither the angels in Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee”

This is John and his whole lyctor connection to her, because even though he is the one who locked her away he still feels connected to her. (John Gaius is so twisted, if I am understanding things right then not only did he destroy the earth but he trapped the earth’s ghost TWICE. Once in a giant living Barbie body and then again in the tomb. He’s so weirdly possessive like “no this is my planet ghost Barbie, I love her but also she’s horrifying so I’m gonna put her in a box forever but she’s still mine, cool?” Not cool, Jod. Not cool.) SO THEN

“And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea—

In her tomb by the sounding sea.”

This is very Harrow ending up in the tomb at the end of the second book, with all of her worship of The Body. And all of the themes of the sea throughout Nona and all of the themes of the sea throughout this poem. And the way John puts Alecto on a pedestal is similar to the way Annabel Lee is framed in the poem. And of course keep in mind that John chose to call her this, he chose this poem, he damn well knows what he’s doing here at least to a certain extent. And also themes of beautiful dead girls we can’t forget about that. AND ALSO THIS SHIT

“It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me. “

Because it WAS many and many a year ago because John and the original lyctors are fucking ancient, kingdom by the sea is earth because our planet is covered in oceans (as reflected also in the way Nona gravitated towards the sea, she longs for it CAUSE SHE’S LITERALLY A FUCKING PLANET) but most insidious of all, and framing this as from John’s pov, is the “lived with no other thought/Than to love and be loved by me.” Because that was the goal, wasn’t it? Not even just about Alecto, with all of his lyctors. John Gaius said “none of you need to remember The Past, or all the terrible shit that happened. Just love me as your God and everything will be chill. Don’t think about it too hard.” But Alecto (a literal fucking planet, not to bring that up again) was Different TM, whiiiich brings us to…

“But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

Coveted her and me. “

The winged seraphs of heaven of course are the other lyctors because even if they didn’t know it yet they DID want what John and Alecto had. You know, perfect lyctorhood where you don’t have to kill someone you love. And that’s the love that was more than love, and John never stopped loving her even though he permanently locked her in a tomb, CAUSE HE’S FUCKING TWISTED and I personally think everyone who wants to should get to kill Jod at least once but I’m glad Alecto got to stab him that one time. Anyway, I am very normal about this.

Also just one more thing

Edgar Allan Poe:

“That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.”

Gideon Nav:

“Do you really have the hots for some chilly weirdo in a coffin?”

[thetravelingbard]

A Weekly Aside (2)

09/21/2024

“Travel does not exist without home....If we never return to the place we started, we would just be wandering, lost. Home is a reflecting surface, a place to measure our growth and enrich us after being infused with the outside world.” - Josh Gates

I have taken up writing in the park near my house these past few weeks. I have never been especially good at consistently journaling. However, from my perspective, moving to Scotland is as good a time as any to try, try again. Anyway, today it was what could be considered “typical Scotland weather” with gray skies and horror movie-esk wind. I found myself sitting in shorts, of all things, writing again in my teal little notebook.

When writing today, I found myself considering the idea of ‘home’. I’ve always believed that home is defined by the people you lay your heart with and not so much any actual location. As I settle myself into life in Edinburgh, with love and light in my heart, I find myself missing the people stretched across several thousand miles. This is not a new phenomenon for me, do not let me fool you. Growing up I had family stretched all across the east coast. In college, some of my closest friends ranged from CST to GMT. I am no stranger to long distance friendships. Now that I am outside of the bubble of childhood and my undergraduate degree and forging my own path forward into my 20s, I find myself wishing I could share these moments with my people. It’s these moments that I thank the wonders of modern technology. I know there is endless harm the media has caused in modern society, I am by no means dissenting that. However, I will always be grateful for the ability to connect with people so effortlessly. It’s a bit like being able to bring home with you.

Retrospection aside, let’s get to the life update. This week was the first week of classes. I’ve been trying really hard to compartmentalize things and focus on only one semester at a time. I’m taking three classes this semester: International Relations Theory; Gender, Politics, and Representation; and Core Quantitative Data Analysis 1 & 2. My favorite is by far the second one. I was worried about the quantity of readings required, but so far it hasn’t been too bad. I’m still waiting for the shoe to drop, haha. 

I wanted to pursue International Relations not necessarily for just laws or specific policies, but to learn about people and demographics. My background in Psychology and Communications should hardly make this a surprise. Honestly, I am interested in applying my studies, in all three courses, to people in some way or another. I hope to steer my dissertation in this direction as well. I’ve been told by probably every professor and advisor to start thinking about a potential dissertation topic, which I have been, do not worry, but beyond that…I’m trying to not get too ahead of myself. I don’t really have to begin planning until February, so I do not need to get ahead of myself. 

Aside from that, I’ve been really just trying to adjust to a new routine. I went to a female singing group this Thursday that I am optimistic about as well. I forgot how much I love singing in a choir. Once my tutorials (smaller groups based on the lectures) start this upcoming week, I’m hoping to get a better grasp onto what my schedule is going to be looking like. I’ve also been applying to jobs like crazy, but haven’t had any luck so far. Finger’s crossed! 

Cherish those you call home, wherever they are. 

<3 Serena

[neu-apostolisch]

As for Gale Discourse Cont., I think it’s also necessary to point out that he’s written as a Comedic Relief character. He unironically says stuff like “pish posh” and is voiced by a well-known (in England) comedian. Unfortunately, because this is a DnD based game, every character you interact with the most needs to be complex and have a tragic backstory and I have a theory his romance arch is heavily derived from Mr. Darcy from the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie. I mention all of this because I am absolutely a Galemancer, and I had a bit of a turmoil about the interview myself until some other tumblr user (I can’t remember who) made a post about this. Seeing Gale through the lens of “oh he’s a silly little guy made to be the butt of all jokes but surprise! he has so much depth anyway” helped me take a breather and have fun with it again. Sorry this got rambley.

ok if you're rambling then i must be reading the dictionary. i think this is a good point to make, especially as an addition to the concept of how the writers view gale. and crucially, i don't think it really undermines people who found more depth in his character. because on some level this is true for every character in this game-- they're all an awkward trope and they grow as the game continues forward and you learn more about them. i'm glad that this perspective helped you re-enjoy the game!

a view of him as The Comic Relief Guy (and Arrogant Wizard) aligns with how the writers are talking about him, and a lot of characters can be viewed chiefly as narrative tropes. so, if galemancers and gale fans can bear with me here, i'll poke at that idea for a bit and why i think it's a good point to make within this long winded thesis i've been developing for two days.

wyll is probably the most obvious to start with in this trope analysis. he is objectively in the party, the voice of reason and a Good Guy. he will unambiguously support whatever the most like, goodhearted, positive, hero-type outcome. so we can classify him that way. i mean, his background is folk hero. then, you travel more with him and his story winds off in its own direction.

astarion is that foil to lawful goodness, and is presented as such. however, astarion also serves an important role in that he introduces one of the first instances of a potential party conflict to you. managing and understanding his vampirism is important to his character and to your party cohesion, at least in a roleplay sense. astarion is also meant to be a character that can frustrate you. think about the people who take bloodless, which is a literal stat negative, for him to be happy. that's an interesting trade that the writers are having you make, and in order to cure bloodless you have to use a spell slot. mechanically, this is the role he serves in the party narrative, and it's up to you the player to decide what you want to do with that. and then his story goes off in its own direction.

i could go on and position other characters in this stripped down way, but it's probably unnecessary.

with these two examples in mind, looking at Gale through this lens, i think he has a bunch of really important functions in the narrative and in the party dynamics. and similar to wyll and astarion above, you can come to view him beyond his initial trope. the biggest hurdle to his development is that his story is fundamentally integrated with the plot of the game. so, on some level, the narrative is unable to develop further on him because he still has that role to play. he has to still be able to kill himself even when the player has convinced him that his life matters because he is stuck in that narrative structure forever. he IS supposed to be the annoying guy who takes your stuff and eats it. you're supposed to have those moments of "oh no, what are supposed to do about this" just like lae'zel in the creche or with kithrak voss, breaking wyll's pact with mizora, and astarion's deal with raphael to kill yurgir. sometimes your companions make you do things that are really annoying.

but-- and this is the key-- gale's story doesn't have as much freedom to move beyond that, which is a fair complaint, even if there's not actually that much to be done about it in the grand scheme of things. (and i think this applies to lae'zel too, i just don't want to get too off-topic. and unfortunately i am not as familiar with her story, which is orin's fault.)

hopefully this comes across as me using your ideas as a springboard for my own, and not me twisting your words or hijacking something you said. i think that's an interesting perspective and thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Hello! I just finished reading your analysis on the recent le sserafim documentary, and I just wanted to say how well written it was! It captured every thought I had about the situation while also expanding upon certain things I'd initially glazed over. You worded it so constructively as well, and I was in awe at how invested I'd gotten in it.

I agree with all of your statements, especially when you reiterated the point that this was very much so a polished publicity stunt on Source Music's part. Everything felt so orchestrated and honestly uncomfortable with the way they flaunted around the girls' personal lives and what not. As you said, a serious documentary like this for a 2-year group is alarming and strange. I understand that many people like this inside view of the struggles the group experiences, but when you realize it's all just a means of addressing the hate le sserafim has received, redirecting the attention from the company and the girls to the haters and fans alike, it's rather disturbing how le sserafim aren't taken into consideration in the slightest.

I also wholly agree with your final statement about idols performing nowadays. I see it so often with 4th gen and 5th gen idols, but I never knew how to really word it until you said it. Everything feels so fabricated and rehearsed, like they receive a prompt and perform it based on prior knowledge of how an idol would usually perform it. It feels like the passion and actual spirit involved in performances and music as a whole has been drained. It's sad and boring, both hearing a song depleted of any genuine drive as well as watching performances that blend together in one big tapestry of modern day kpop. It's startling seeing the contrast between the older generations that would do their choreography and sing while also still finding that connection with the audience and the song, versus newer kpop performances that go on stage on autopilot without any real passion.

Anyways, to wrap up a long winded message, I really enjoyed your statement and I really appreciate the time and effort you took to write it out! There's a lot of discourse circulating, most people either immediately defending the girls and the company or immediately hating both parties. Seeing a reasonable and constructive analysis that serves as that much needed gray area is so refreshing.

Thank you so much for reading all of it and for your praise!! It made me really happy! "You worded it so constructively as well, and I was in awe at how invested I'd gotten in it." This, in particular, made me very happy! Thank you for getting sucked into my commentary haha!

I agree a lot with what you said about Source Music redirecting the hate and attention the girls are getting towards the fans and media. I feel like they wanted kpop fans to be held accountable to what they did to the girls. Of course, we have to take responsibility, but so does Source Music. It's pretty childish for the company to point fingers at us. It reminded me of James Corden redirecting the hate he received for his comments about Army towards Army for (wrongly) sending him death threats. Getting hate is sadly unavoidable in this industry. It's easier for the company to change than society :/

I feel like kpop companies, including BTS's own company, looked at BTS's success and interpreted it all wrong. BP and SKZ being so famous is proof that people care less about flawless performances and more about personality, authenticity, and vulnerability, which BTS have in spades. BP aren't perfect performers at all and they're super famous. SKZ aren't dance monsters and they eat up every other non-BTS bg. Like SKZ, Ateez are loved for being self-produced and enjoying the stage. Twice are pretty different from these groups, but their songs are easy listening, fun, and they all have very different charms. They're sweet and personable, and people like them. Idols are striving to be perfect, but people want quality and authenticity, vulnerability, inconsistency. It makes groups a lot more exciting.

Thank you so so much for the ask!!! You worded it beautifully!

[andiwriteordie]

why do you call it maroon fic ?

REMI! hi! ok i love this question & i'm gonna be long-winded about it because i'm a nerd. and i love writing. and byler. and taylor swift. so. you get a free maroon/byler analysis for your saturday.

a real fucking legacy, to leave is also called maroon fic whenever i post stuff because the title comes from the song maroon by taylor swift! this is one of my favorites off the midnights album, and i just have a lot of thoughts in general about this song buuuuut

when it comes to byler, i really enjoy thinking about how, when stripped down to a bare skeleton of a story, theirs is a story about love and loss. we meet two childhood friends, first through mike's eyes, and the whole first season is about mike trying to find his lost friend. and in some sense or another mike has been trying to find will (and will trying to find his way back to mike) since s1, because of the kidnapping, the possession, and the tension in their friendship across s3-s4. it's a story about two people who love each other but keep losing each other, especially when we consider it from mike's pov (catch me crying at the "maybe i lost you" line in s4).

anyways, with maroon now! one of my favorite parts of maroon is how the first chorus switches from the line: and i chose you, the one i was dancing with to the line and i lost you, the one i was dancing with. it's a simple change, but it tells the story taylor is sharing with us so incredibly well. it's a story of how this narrator went from choosing this person they love so much to losing them in the end—which i think just really mirrors mike's story very well in stranger things! will went from being such a priority in his life—so much so that he says meeting will is the best thing he's ever done—to then just time and time losing will again, first from the upside down then from his own distance and mistakes.

and here's where i get really nerdy, thanks to @wiseatom who pointed out that the official taylor swift music video for maroon has an incredibly niche detail within it:

that's a real fuckin' legacy, to leave

the comma between the words "legacy" and "to" add another little layer of nuance to the meaning behind this song, which i just looooove. that comma placement shifts the meaning slightly, implying that the legacy itself is leaving. the legacy left behind by the partner taylor is singing about in the song is leaving her.

so then, circling back to byler and from mike's pov, i could go on and on and on about how mike has a need to be needed and wanted and a fear of abandonment that stems from that, but i won't lol. the point i think about here is how the theme of love and loss is intertwined with byler as a whole, but then also specifically in this line, getting to explore the potential of mike's thought that it is, in a way, will who keeps leaving. mike keeps losing will, maybe not always as an intentional action on will's part, but it is always mike who loses will.

allllllll that to come back around and say this: i wanted to write a fic that explored the themes of love and loss in byler's story and then maroon came out and it just fit. the story kinda pieced together as it was about two people in a relationship, hence why i chose to explore established byler, so we could see those themes amplified to a greater extent than we even see in the show. :)

i could've answered that in 2 sentences, but i didn't bc i'm a nerd. so happy saturday 🤣

[lovekasumin]

hi first post anyways heres a tsubomi season analysis i made like weeks ago for a yohamaru fanfic. everything in italics are the lyrics. more under the cut:

Drifting apart towards the distance
Although I know this is not good-bye
But I don't know why I still feel so lonely
A sigh falls through the gap between my fingers
+ hanamaru and yoshiko feeling both lonely with each other despite being close as ever due to them not realizing the true extremity of their feelings as love


The sadness that blooms everyday
I finally found it
Ah, I want to convey it. Did I convey it to you?
+ the feeling of melancholy reaching a high level, forcing them to reflect and accept their love for each other. it gets conveyed, yet in a vague and bittersweet way on graduation day.


I just want to stay by your side some more
I selfishly think to myself
I hope we stay together like this forever
I just want to stay by your side some more

+ as they realize their feelings for each other, both experience a longing for each other that lasts throughout the day.

But I can't just stand around and do nothing
The passing seasons also have their own meanings
The next bud is swaying in the sunlight
+ the feelings become overwhelming. so overwhelming, that the confession almost feels somewhat forced, as it just needed to get out. as seasons pass, it is a landmark for how far the feelings have passed.


If there's a future that I want to see bloom,
Then I won't be discouraged by the wind and the rain

+ confidence in getting words out to stay together for as long as they shall live. 

What can I do?
I need to check up on myself
Ah, let's move on from here
Because I still have so many dreams

I got to make sure they all come true
+ thinking of yourself and self reflecting to be the best for the other. to make the dream come true, u have to make urself be capable.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I really wanted them to come true
Because I still have so many dreams
There's no time to be standing around
Those buds will open up their petals someday!

+ no time to waste on making your dream come true. someday, if u make it happen, it will happen. 

It's strange how people meet
We're happy at first, then gradually becoming more familiar with each other
And now.... now...

+ the more the two grew as people, the more they learned not only about each other. 

I just want to stay by your side some more
My heart yearns to be close to you
I hope we stay together like this forever
I just want to stay by your side some more
+ with the newly discovered emotions, the thought of staying together forever sounds appealing the most.

My heart yearned to be close to you
But the passing seasons also have their own meanings
The next bud is swaying in the sunlight

+ as the seasons pass, the relationship grows. the new form of love that courses through hanamaru and yoshiko flourishes in the sunlight.

[unorthodox-soundwave]

So, I'm gonna rant about ads for a bit.

Not really rant, I guess, since it's not really out of anger. It's more just gonna be a long analysis of why I think (a certain category of) mobile game ads suck.

It's probably gonna be a bit long, so you've been warned :P

In particular, this is about "real-time strategy MMOs" (such as Rise of Kingdoms, Forge of Empires, etc.) and "gacha RPGs" (such as Dislyte, that one about ants, etc.).

I'm gonna start with the MMOs

Ads for the MMO-esque games usually open with presenting someone who's being accused of playing the wrong way by another player, usually because they made some sort of "wrong" choice. This seems to be true at first, but sooner or later the person who was "wrong" suddenly doing way better than the other player. The other player expresses confusion, and the "wrong" player proceeds to give a long-winded explanation about stats and strategy that gave them an inherent advantage.

The issue here is that it presents a correct way to play in a game that's simultaneously trying to advertise that you can play any way you want. These games usually present that there's different fantasy races to play, different resources to focus on, different regions to play in, etc. But then it turns around and says "If you don't play as elves and spend the first 30 hours of playing exclusively farming in the desert, you're gonna be worse off."

And since nearly every ad is like this, you're often presented with conflicting information on the best way to get good. While I'm sure this is meant to be a sort of "you can play anyway you want!" type of thing, it also does kinda feel like it's saying "no matter what, you're probably doing some part of it wrong." Especially because sometimes I swear the ads tend to lean towards presenting certain strats as always wrong and others as always good.

For instance, I'm 90% sure I've seen significantly more ads for these types of games that present elves as the right choice than any other race, but I don't think I've ever seen one that presents orcs as anything but the worst choice.

Moving onto the RPGS

For the "RPGs," it usually presents two or three people who your meant to infer have all played the game for roughly the same amount of time and gave equal effort. But then one of the players suddenly reveals that they're doing far better than the others. When asked how, they give some explanation that's usually a combo of good luck and using a code presented in the ad.

(admittedly, this script is also applicable to MMOs sometimes, but it's more common in the gachas and RPGs)

At a basic level, this pretty much runs into the same issues as before. It presents a correct way to play in a game that mostly seems to want to promote being playable however you want.

However, these ones are worse, since the way to win is usually presented as a free-stuff code within the ad. The intention, I assume, is to present new players with a way to avoid falling behind. However, this pretty much just means anyone who got the game before had put in the effort they had for nothing.

And, since each ad new ad needs to help new players catch up even more, every code presents an even better incentive to join. So, at some point, it becomes clear that the longer you wait, the easier the start will be.

Though, sometimes it doesn't present a code. Which is good! But the alternative usually is them presenting something that's blatantly just luck as a "strategy." They'll say something like "The first character I got was a five-star so-and-so" and move on like that was a choice they made and not a luck-of-the-draw thing that boosted them.

But yeah, all-in-all, presenting the "correct" way to play, let alone one that requires a code or blatant good luck, is not the right way to advertise a game, in my humble opinion.

[soulcured]

Hello!! Normally I don’t do this kind of thing but I was rewatching Let’s Get Dangerous to try and sleep and had some thoughts.

How much of Bushroot’s character in the special is a purposeful rework because they wanted to use the design inspired by the Twin Beaks episode in DWD ‘91 and how much of it is just plain misinterpretation of his character? Let me explain.

There’s two lines specifically that have me thinking about this. First is when the triplets stumble upon him, Dewey says “It’s Dr. Reginald Bushroot, a prominent scientist who was accidentally turned into a plant monster.” The second line is when DW, Launchpad, and Gos are about to face against the F4, Launchpad and DW both say “Well technically Bushroot isn’t a villain, per se.”

When in context of the original ‘91 show, these statements are both flat out false. Bushroot is originally ridiculed by his peers despite actually being brilliant and this leads him to being fired and continuing his experiments on his own. He very purposefully gives his experiment one last shot by testing it on himself to prove his hypothesis which turns him into the plant hybrid. In the reboot it’s framed as an unfortunate accident when in the original he wanted to do it and was elated when it worked. Everyone else just had a bad reaction when they saw the results.

As for the second line, I feel like because Bushroot is arguably one of the most sympathetic villains, people consistently want to look past his actions and motivations to identify him as maybe an anti-villain type. But based on his actions, he’s more than definitely a villain. Visual body count alone, he’s killed more than the other fearsome four members. He’s the first to bring up the suggestion of killing someone as a solution multiple times during fearsome four team ups. He also picks some of the most brutal ways of getting rid of who he’s fighting. In Easy Come, Easy Grows he was just going to let Gosalyn, Honker, and Launchpad get run through a mulcher and was pretty indifferent about it. He mentions that it’s final and messy, but otherwise is content to be rid of his issue. I know a lot of the time these situations are played for gags but if you look at it objectively it’s kind of fucked up LOL.

His reasoning a lot of the time is that he just kind of wants to be left alone to tend to his plants, and because most everyone ran away from him before he became a villain (and the one time he tried to go undercover he was trampled lol), stealing and otherwise committing crimes is just easier. I think this along with his more timid personality makes people forget he’s totally not afraid to kill someone if it leads him from point a to point b. All of his desires are selfish as well which is more of a villainous characteristic, especially with how it is used for his character.

I understand wanting to support Bushroot because most of the time he just wants to be left alone and his origin is a little sad, but I feel like disregarding the fact that he is a villain who has committed very bad acts for selfish reasons is a disservice to his character. There’s nothing wrong with liking or wanting to support a villainous character, I root (heh) for Bushroot a majority the time lmao. Anyway that’s pretty much all I wanted to say. Side note, I hope in the DWD reboot they don’t take DT17’s approach to Bushroot because I think ‘91 Reggie is a much more complex and interesting character.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Until you are safe

Warning: Vision Hunt Decree still in effect, kidnapped themes, reader grabbed by hair (Thoma), possessive themes (scara)

Character X GN Reader | Anthology 

Includes: Albedo, Scara, Thoma, Zhongli

Albedo

The frosty chill of the mountain side was more than you could bear. Every time you thought you gained warmth it was ripped from your body by icy hands threatening to drive you insane. You shivered and wrapped your coat further around your body while you scowled against the frigid cold. 

Ahead of you stood Albedo who seemed indifferent to the temperature and while you were impressed that he knew how to handle this without any complaints, you were also irritated by the fact. He was barely wearing anything and here you were shivering under countless layers of cloth. 

He turned to tell you something but with the turbulent winds and nibbling frost against your ears, you didn’t understand a single word he said. Quickly, you forced your legs to move as you made your way to his side.

“W-w-what di-did you s-say?” Your chattering teeth made it hard, and painful, to speak but you did your best anyway. 

“We are nearly there, can you keep going?” He narrowed his eyes at you but you knew that was a common thing he did. It was unlikely to have any additional meaning behind it. 

“H-how f-f-f-ar?” 

“Just around the bend.” He rested the back of his hand against your cheek and somehow that made you shiver even more than the touch of frost. When you nodded and began to walk forward, he took up position behind you and directed you toward the camp. 

With the cave blocking out the wind, and several warming mechanisms already glowing, you stumbled your way in between them an the fire. Trembling hands extended toward the orange and yellow light while you watched the snow drip from your clothes. 

“I always h-hat-te this p-p-part.” You complained, shaking your head and shoulders to warm up the muscles. This wasn’t the first time you traveled to Dragonspine with Albedo, but each time you braved the conditions you recalled the promise you made yourself last time. Never again, well ... I guess that promise was made to be broken. 

“Here, this will help warm you.” He handed you a cup and immediately you caught the scent of fresh and soothing tea. The aroma itself perked you up and even though your fingers were still stiff, you graciously took the offering. Warmth seeped into your throat as the liquid carved a path down your esophagus and into the pit of your baron stomach. With a refreshing hum you smiled through the steam.  

“P-p-perfect. Thank-k y-you.” Another sip warmed your lips and tickled your nose but you didn’t dare stop. 

“This trip should be less strenuous than last time.” Albedo began, his back turned to you as he rummaged through the stacks of books. “Where did I place that ... perhaps it got caught in the wind, that would be unfortunate.” 

You giggled, eyes watching him meander and speak to himself all at the same time. He had a habit of doing it but it never bothered you, in fact it was comforting to hear his voice, stabilizing, grounding. 

“You ca-can head out. I’ll b-be fine here after I w-warm up-p.” The shivering had eased, but you still succumbed to the residual affects as your body began to shift from frozen to thawed. 

“No need, I can wait here for a while.” 

“Haha, that’s silly, g-go on ahead.” You took another sip of the cup and found yourself sad at the emptiness of it. That’s when a hand entered your field of vision and you watched Albedo walk toward a table, refill your drink, and return to your side. He offered it to you and when your fingers found the circumference his nestled against them.

“Until I know you are safe, I will be here.” His eyes held your own for a while as if waiting for your reaction, your response, and when you nodded he mimicked your action before slipping back toward the bookshelves and research table. 

You were glad he left you, because if he hadn’t you were sure the only way to cool down was to step beyond the barrier of the cave and into the never-ending snowstorm that protected Dragonspine. 

Scara

Being at the side of a Harbinger had it’s own trials. If it wasn’t the constant movement between assignments or the threats against your life, it was the loneliness which creeped in every single day. There were some Harbingers who left the life of love far outside of their reach: Signora, who vowed to never love again and instead put all her attention into fulfilling her duty, Childe, found love a difficult thing to ignore and did his best to keep what he cherished hidden behind closed doors. 

Scara, he never understood the meaning of the word until it crashed around him like a house crumbles into itself, and the way he kept his belongings safe was to have them near him at all times. It was far better to be under the watchful eyes of his competence than leave something so valuable in the hands of another. So, here you were, following him around and staying hidden until he called for you. 

-- 

The room was empty, absent of all the things you would have normally kept to make this place more homey. If you could get away with it, you’d have made some changes to the décor, but the problem with never settling in one place for long made this desire of yours difficult to accomplish. It wasn’t feasible, you thought to yourself  but that didn’t stop you from adding a bit of comfort when you could. 

The night came and went without issue and after you prepared yourself for bed you wondered where your lover was. Was he succeeding, was he accomplishing his goals, would he return to you tonight or would you wake up alone yet again. Luckily for you, you had learn to be patient. 

Your dreams kept you occupied but there seemed to be something about them that pulled you toward consciousness, a subtle wish drifting across your imagines to wake up. 

Something brushed across your cheek, but was it the dream or reality, you couldn’t tell. Gravity pulled you close to something sturdy, but was it a creation of your imagination or the real thing - why was this so challenging. When your eyes finally opened and adjusted to the light of the room, you realized what had been calling to you. 

“Scara?” You pulled your hand down from behind the pillow, the muscles tense from being locked into that position for so long. “What has-” 

“Go back to sleep.” He spoke and the sound of his voice pulled you closer to him. 

“Is everything okay?” You continued your question as if what he said was never uttered, your eyes trying to find the outline of his frame while your skin adjusted to his touch. 

“Nothing to concern yourself with, just sleep.” 

“But, why are you here?

“I don’t recall needing your permission to do anything.” His words may have been direct, but you could sense there was something else behind them. 

“... would you ... like to come to bed?” 

“I can’t.” He adjusted and you felt the warmth of the blankets cover more of your exposed skin. The chill of the evening became blocked by the sheets and you hummed in response. You were confused, but the feeling of his hand running along your neck, your jaw, and into your hair made all the questions you had disappear. Moments like these brought out something completely different in the Harbinger and you wondered why he treated you so differently. 

With a yawn, you turned into his touch, lips finding the palm of his hand easily and placing a tender kiss against his skin. “You don’t need to stay if you have work to do. I’ll be fine.” You hummed again as he thumb ran over your lips and the gentle pull of sleep began to find you. It was quiet for a while and you focused on the warmth, the closeness, the comfort he provided until you practically melted into the bed. 

“I can’t do that either.” Scara whispered, hand pressing into the mattress as he leaned closer to your face. “Not until you are safe,” He breathed in your scent, gazing down at your trusting form beneath him. “Even from me.” He spoke as his fingers curled into the sheets and before he lost himself in you, he slipped from your bedroom and made his way down the hall. 

Thoma

He ran so fast as soon as the news reached him. The weight of his feet as he dashed through the countryside grew with every passing second but there was nothing more painful than his clenching heart and anxious thoughts. 

What have they done, am I to late, please don’t be too late. He wracked his brain over and over again, blamed himself for the stupidity of leaving you. If he had been there would the outcome be different? If he had stayed, would he have been able to fend off their attack enough to get you to safety. How foolish of him for thinking they wouldn’t use dirty tricks like this to accomplish their goals. 

Rumors and intel began to swirl like wildfire and at this point he couldn’t differentiate the accuracy of it all. There was one thing he knew for certain, the vision hunters had you and he was going to get you back. 

-- 

Their campsite was simple and you wondered if they would really be able to escort all of these prisoners back to the city on their own. They were intimidating enough to keep most insurrection at bay, but you were not about to let them get away with this. After a quick analysis of your surroundings, you found a few potential options worth trying, now it was only a matter of timing. 

“You won’t get away with this!” Someone shouted next to you and you patiently waited for an opportunity. 

“Shut up.” A soldier barked, his dismissive attitude apparent from the lack of eye contact and the wave of his hand. 

“This is wrong and you know it! Do you think you’re immune to the decree, when the day come to hand over your vision will you?!” 

The soldier turned and made his way through the trembling captured, you used the scuffling of those trying to get out of his way as an excuse to move closer to your escape. The dirt scraped against your bound hands and pulled at your clothes, but you didn’t care because each inch you gained the closer you got to freedom. 

You watched the soldier lift the woman from the ground, his impressive height apparent as she dangled above the well worn soil. “I will do what is necessary for the Raiden Shogun. I am bound by honor, unlike the resistance.” 

“Honor! You know nothing of it. Put me down you brute.” She spat in his face and he reacted in kind. You hated the fact that you were using her as your distraction, but hopefully if this all worked out in the end freedom would be enough compensation for her bruised face. Your fingers brushed against a metal handle, the sword you were aiming for had been reached and you quickly worked to get yourself free from the bindings.

The loosening rope told you of your success but when your hand wrapped around the hilt of the weapon and you moved to stand, a sudden pain against your head made your vision go blurry. 

“What do you think you are doing?!” Shouted a voice near your ear. They were so loud that you shrunk away from it only to be yanked right back. “You think you could take on all of us? Are you stupid.” 

“I didn’t think so.” You wheezed, blinking harshly to try and bring your vision back to clarity. 

“Well let me help you understand.” He drug you away from the group but before you could take but a few steps, an intense groan blasted it’s way near you and the hand that held your hair fell away in an instant. 

“Are you alright?” A familiar voice asked, hands finding your waist to steady you. It was like your eyes snapped back on because as soon as you turned your head, you found Thoma standing their with an expression you’d never seen before: fury. 

“I’m - ouch - okay.” You whispered and then you realized the implications of him being there. Turning, you pressed your hands against his chest and pushed against him, your voice turned tense as you shouted. “Ge-get out of here! What if they catch you!?” 

“I’m not leaving.” 

“Thoma!” 

He looked down at you, his arm tightening around you and you swore the world shifted red and the screaming soldiers shouts became muffled. “Until I know you are safe, I’m not leaving.” He looked forward and the glint of his polearm caught your attention. “Now hold on, okay.” 

The dry landscape turned into a wildfire until only what Thoma wanted to remain, remained. 

Zhongli

“This is very kind of you, Zhongli. To walk me home.” You chuckled, gazing up at him as you made your way down the path and toward the city. It wasn’t uncommon for Zhongli to escort you from place to place, but tonight you would have assumed he would stay on the Pearl and continue his lively conversation. 

“It is no trouble at all, to allow you to walk by yourself would not sit well with me.” Zhongli commented matter-of-factly, his eyes closing as he nodded his head and gazed up toward the stars. 

“You were having such a nice time, know that I didn’t mean to bring that too a close.” You scratched your forehead and adjusted your clothes after climbing the stairs from the docks. It was a rather pleasant night, but it usually was in Liyue this time of year. 

“I would never insinuate you had ill intentions. I made this decision on my own, to escort you is no trouble at all.” 

“Yes, well, that’s very kind of you Zhongli.” The lights of the festival swayed in the wind. To you they looked like fireflies in the sky, but that was such a silly thought you kept it to yourself. “I think I can manage on my own, if you want to go back?” 

“Nonsense, I will stay until I know you are safe.” He glanced down at you and offered you a smile, one that spoke true and gave you the impression of ‘I will not be swayed.’ 

“Well, thank you.” You turned away from him in hopes that he wouldn’t notice the embarrassment you were sure shined in your eyes and flashed across your expression. How can someone so regal find your company enjoyable at all - but Zhongli was so kind to anyone you fought against your better judgement to believe this gesture was more than common courtesy of a gentleman.

“It is my pleasure. Did you have an enjoyable time?” He asked, head examining the city streets and decorations as you had earlier. 

“Oh yes! Thank you for inviting me, I’ve never attended something so high class.” You fussed at your outfit again, it was apparent you weren’t used to wearing something like this but you did your best to fit in and not insult the guest who invited you to join him. 

“I am delighted to hear. It is far better to enjoy ones time when in company you relish, don’t you agree?” 

“Absolutely!” For a while, the two of you discussed the highlights and lowlights of the gathering. The sound of your laughter and excitement caught the attention of late night patrons, but you didn’t mind because it also caught the attention of the one you wanted the most. 

It wasn’t until you neared your home that the conversation began to drift. Your heart was sad that the night was coming to a close but responsibilities held you to a tight schedule, even if you felt the itch to break them. 

“Thank you again, Zhongli. This night will be one I remember for a while.” Your nails had received a break all evening, but, now that you were about to be alone, they felt the dig of your nervous habits once again. 

“It was my pleasure, it is always a gift to spend the evening with you.” He bowed, his long hair slipping over his shoulder at the motion. 

“I tend to agree with you.” Chuckling, you moved to unlock your door and when you looked back to Zhongli, his face was illuminated by the sparkling lanterns and yellow glow of the city. No matter what he did he radiated colors you’d never fully understand. 

“Liyue has many festivals,” He began, his tone wistful, “though I must say the ones where lanterns adorn the city are my favorite. Do you not think they look like fireflies in the distance?” He asked, gazing up at a few that dangled across the bridges and walkways that lined the city. 

“Yeah, actually I do.” You whispered as your eyes fell onto the man you loved so much it hurt to look at him, but, if it meant you could capture even a hint of his existence in your memory, you would happily suffer this pain. 

[chaseadrian]

adrian chase: acts of service vs. physical touch as a love language 

hi here i am with a long winded analysis of this man’s behavior because he takes up my mind night and day. specifically want to talk about these two instances of adrian + touch:

I see a lot of characterization of adrian as awkward with touch, sometimes even averse to it, with the “tender, nice touching” moment used as the pinnacle of Adrian’s approach to physical touch. so i wanna talk about the differentiation between these two scenes, and why i think the bottom is actually an outlier in adrian’s character. prefacing this with the obvious fact that my view is subjective and yall can think what you want at the end of the day. 

ANYWAY

adrian’s biggest drive is service. how can he preemptively make the lives of those he cares about easier? how can he make his own presence less of a bother, in some cases? in 1.02, chris explains that the cops turned his place upside down when he got arrested, and without skipping a beat, adrian asks if he needs help cleaning up and immediately does exactly that. the entire season, intuiting what the team needs and how to best be of service is a huge part of his characterization. easiest examples off the top of my head are the entire prison sequence, his proactivity in 1.07 with the white dragon, and the scene above when he kills the goff family. 

i think touch with adrian is very intentional. he doesn’t quite understand it as a facet of comfort, hence why he has to verbalize what he’s doing rather than just doing it. this man is smart & educated, even though he has a screw loose, and i wouldnt doubt he’s quoting something he read about comforting people verbatim. or if not, we know adrian says what comes to mind, and so what came to mind in this moment is “what is the point of what i’m doing, how is it supposed to serve my friend?” and he said it out loud. it’s tender, nice touching. lmao. 

but it’s an awkward moment played for laughs, i think because adrian also wasn’t prepared for the emotional fallout of chris killing his dad. we saw adrian’s lack of empathy when it came to auggie dying both in 1.05 when he asks Chris if he should kill his dad since he’s a racist, and in 1.08 when he says they just had a “really sick time” killing chris’ dad. additionally, chris had previously told adrian that his crying was just exercising, and adrian has no reason to doubt chris or question if he’s lying. so in this moment, the lack of empathy coupled with the realization that no, actually, chris isn’t exercising he’s crying, it stumped adrian. so what results is this strange attempt at comfort from a man who’s used to preemptively preparing ways to be of service, no matter how half baked they turn out to be. 

the scene in 1.03, on the other hand, is adrian in a more natural state. the facts in his mind are these: 

this family needs to be taken out

chris was contracted by the government to take them out

if he fucks up, he goes back to prison

he’s currently fucking up

so adrian steps in. there’s no hesitation in the way his hand slides over chris’ shoulder, a tender touch to match the gentleness of his voice. it’s not the action of a bloodthirsty psychopath who loves killing, it’s that of a loyal friend who’s seeing his best friend struggling. touch makes sense to him here because it serves a function, it grabs chris’ attention, and grounds him to the current moment, pulling him out of the panic spiral he was falling into. i think, to adrian, when the only function of touch is comfort, he struggles, as he did in 1.07. adrian could’ve easily just told chris to move without putting his hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t, because in that moment chris needed to be physically taken out of his own head. 

we often see adrian keeping his hands to himself around other people. in 1.05 he keeps his hands wrapped on the bench while he talks to leota. in 1.02, he keeps his arms crossed after the threesome with chris. in general, adrian is keenly aware of the space he takes up and keeps himself tight when he’s near other people. he doesn’t read as averse to touch, or awkward about it, he reads as intentional with it. 

anyway uh yeah i cant help but thinking too deeply about this weird little dude. bye 👋

[thenerdkingqueen]

an analysis/easter eggs/things that i've noticed on Tommyinnit's Unbeatable Method of Avoiding Sudden Death

spoilers, be aware psa: most of this was said by the creator themself on the final chapter, also this is a pretty long post

Easter Eggs:

the angel reaching tommy (the fic starts with angel approaching tommy and it end with the angel and tommy)

mention of how tommy is young (in his limbo he is 16 but in real life he is 12)

someone saying "tommy is not a hero"

mentions of how clementine is a blessing from the gods/his guardian/his saviour

a gun that cannot kill people

everytime that tommy is close to "dying" some miracle happens and he's saved (most, if not all, the times it happens with clementine present or because of clementine)

tommy avoiding the news

a lot of religious symbolism (tommy mentioning jesus, affirming that clementine is a gift from gods, calling michael a demon, etc)

clementine being "rebellious" (on my notes this started around chapter 5, starts to disagree more with tommy around chapter 14 and then this becomes prominent towards the end)

tommy subconsciously believing that he set fire to the building/city (mentioned in multiple chapters, first in chapter 6 and so on and on)

ranboo liking spaghetti

tommy childish behavior that can only be comprehended in the end of the fic

tommy playing with techno's sword (alluding to the real world were techno was into fencing)

tommy mentioning the five stages of grief

mentions of how the fic is supposed to follow the same ideas as cartoon shows about heroes (tubbo talking about how the characters don't have "plot armour" because they aren't the "main characters", tommy talking about a beach episode and bloopers, etc)

tommy always trying to be the one to save the others (how he reasures tubbo that hes the one supposed to save the others, saving techno on a mission, wilbur telling him that he saved them, etc)

the reality changing in a way that fits tommy the best (in my notes i said that the first time that we see this happening is when tommy goes to buy fast food and somehow got an order that they didn't have at first)

tommy missing the jump but wilbur catches him before he falls (it happens in chapter 9 and in chapter 28)

techno being defenestrated the most alluding to his death

techno not wanting to babysit tommy (chapter 10, chapter 14 and chapter 27)

tommy calling wilbur bald

chapters were is just a conversation between clementine and tommy

multiple mentions of how tommy is "not ready"

mentions of how tommy misses his family (chapter 18 with wilbur saying that "its okay" if tommy missed him, chapter 23 with tommy mentioning that he "missed this")

mentions of the world falling apart

tommy's mom loving clementines tea

the news on tv

tommy being a fan of vigilantes

wilbur singing

Paragraphs that are worth mentioning:

Tommy in chapter 6 about Tubbo:

“Shhh,” Tommy soothes calmly, “I’m reminiscing about our relationship. I’m grieving.” Tubbo stares at him in exasperation. “Grieving what?” “The end.”

Tommy about himself also in chapter 6:

Maybe he did die.

Now that he’s aware, he can feel the wind blowing through his hair, feels his soaked suit sticking to his body uncomfortably. He shivers."

Tubbo and Tommy in chapter 7:

"Tommy pouts, “Why are you leaving me?” Tubbo sighs, “Tommy you know I have to go at some point.”

also in chapter 7:

“No Ranboo slander in this household,” Tubbo says sternly, “I’ll be back soon Tom.” “You won’t,” Tommy sniffs, “You’re leaving forever.”

the world around Tommy while he's sick (foreshadowing):

"The world blurs for a second and he stabilizes himself against the wall."

Clementine in chapter 7:

“ Tommy ,” A voice croons for him. “ Wake up. Wake up Tommy,” It says, “ You need to wake up. This isn’t re-“

Tommy and Clementine in chapter 9, Tommy showing that he is on denial:

"Clementine does a flip. “No, no. We don’t talk about what happened. Nothing happened. I don’t even know what you are talking about, like I honestly have no idea what you are about. I don’t even know what heroes are. Who are heroes? That’s crazy, never heard of them. Do they even exist? That’s crazy. Clementine shut the fuck up,” He groans, shuddering as he relives the embarrassment of a lifetime. Clementine stares."

foreshadowing in chapter 11:

"Tommy glares at them. How do they not understand the severity of the situation? Children, the lot of them. “You will all understand soon enough,” Tommy sighs, shaking his head, “And then, you will feel deep, deep regret.”

foreshadowing again on chapter 23:

“Mhm,” He cries into the man’s chest, “Okay,” He believes. He chooses to believe Wilbur. “I’ve- I’ve missed this,” He confesses. I’ve missed you, he doesn’t say. “I know,” Wilbur hums. “It’s okay. Merry Christmas, Tommy.”

the narrative changing and the people around tommy realizing where they are/tommy and the people around him acting weird:

Wilbur in chapter 25:

“You can stop, if you want,” Wilbur looks him in the eye. Tommy’s grin freezes. “What?” “You can stop, Tommy. We don’t have to pretend anymore.”

Phil and Tommy on chapter 25:

"Phil frowns, offended, “You don’t like heroes.” “They don’t exist.” Phil laughs this time, slightly bewildered, “Mate, I’m a hero.” Tommy turns to him, eyes dulled, “Are you?”

Tommy and Jack on chapter 26:

“I mean, really, when have you actually helped someone? Other than yourself, that is,” Manifold scoffs. “You think you’re so above everyone here, above the world-“ “That’s because I am, ” Tommy stares, eyes hard."

my actual thoughts/analysis (this is very disorganized because it's literally just the notes the I made when i was re-reading):

Tommy's limbo is a world made by him, he aged himself up (he was 12 but 16 in the limbo) and i think thats one of the reasons of why swears a lot (in chapter 27 philza says that tommy could only swear in his adolescence)

Through the fic we can see how much Tommy resents and feels guilty about everything that happened, the multiple mentions of how he didn't know who "burned the building" are an example

i genuinely believe that the hoodie that he wears in the fic is wilbur's hoodie (in chapter 27 they are fighting because of a hoodie) and i think that is an indirect way of tommy saying "i love you" and "i miss you"

i also believe that the reason of why he lives in an apartment with tubbo is because he feels guilty for not being able to save him

In the beginning of the fic tommy deflects what happened and projects in a much lighter, much happier, way. He has a gun that cannot kill, he thinks that fire is "pogchamp", he jokes about defenestration, etc

At some point the world building start to get "weird", tommy being hired wouldn't make sense in the actual world but since it's a world made by a child with childish ideas he ends up getting hired anyways, a lot of times Tommy acts like a kid and not a teenager, later is explained that hes actually 12

Tommy also don't want to leave but he wants to be saved, this is shown when he begs for Clementine to save him in chapter 12, he wants his life back but he also wants Clementine to be part of it

Eneli starts to refer to the boys as brothers in cahpter 19, before this tommy was just an orphan (this fact is refuted in chapter 23, when tommy says that he "wasn't always a orphan")

Tommy struggles to say what Clementine is to him, probably because he realized that she is not his daughter but his mother, my best bet is that Tommy made Clementine to be his daughter because he couldn't bare the thought of having a mother, he mentions that "parents do the abandoning" and i feel like that its how he felt when his mother died, before he also mentioned how she already abandoned him once, he is also super protective of her, and in chapter 26 he almost lost her entirely. In some ways Clementine is death, and thats something that he cannot and does not want to deal with, but shes also his mother and he loves her (this can be see through the fic but especially in chapter 26)

I feel like Phil having wings is a red herring to fool the reader, this makes the reader believe that he is the one who saved Tommy in the beginning