#anyway there’s my adjusted angry rant

[duplicate-bones]

Eh nvm bad post

[strangersteddierthings]

ooo can i suggest prompt six? "Did you lie to me?" hehe

Thanks for sending a prompt, Nonny! It's my daily ficlet for today!

Daily Ficlet 6

Steve's never been a secret before. He's too likeable (or hateable) for that. He's never had to hide a relationship before because what girl wouldn't want to be with him? All his friendships are well known, or were, back when he was in high school. There weren't even secret rivalries!

So, it's an adjustment, keeping this thing with Eddie a secret. But he's trying. Even though all he wants to do is hold his hand every hour of every day he refrains because. Because?

Well, he's not really full on those details. He knows it's partially because Eddie isn't out to anyone in the group except Steve. He's not even out to Robin, and Steve thought for sure they'd figure each other out and bond over it but that hasn't happened yet. Eddie's also said something about keeping it to themselves so they can just be themselves, together, without other people. When Eddie had whispered that it had sounded so sweet and romantic. But that was, like, two months ago and it's.... it's still romantic, but Steve wants to ramble about how beautiful Eddie is to Robin.

Also! This secret keeping is causing Robin to worry! He can't keep secrets from Robin, he never has. He told Robin he thought he might like guys exactly 0.4 seconds after he'd realized it! In fact, he's so bad at secret keeping that he's told her he has a boyfriend. Won't say who, and Robin won't push. All he had to say was his boyfriend wasn't ready to come out and that was that.

He's out to the Party, too. Mostly as an accidental outing he didn't back down from even when Will offered him an out with his quick thinking. Jonathan knows, too. That was an on-purpose telling after Will came out to Steve when they were finally alone, and Steve learned Jonathan knew about Will.

Anyway. Steve's never been a secret before. He doesn't want to continue being one. He just wants Eddie's permission to tell Robin. He'll be fine with waiting even if Eddie says he's not ready for Robin to know, of course, but he just. He wants Robin to know who the amazing person he rants about is.

So, imagine his surprise when, halfway down the stairs to the basement at Eddie and Wayne's new house to talk to Eddie about telling Robin, he hears his name.

"-because it's Steve Harrington, y'know?" Gareth's voice floats up the stairs to Steve and he freezes. Is Gareth a goddman psychic!? How did he know Steve was here?

"That's your reasoning? Because it's Steve?" Eddie asks, and oh. They don't know he's here. They're talking about him. Steve should make himself known. He shouldn't just stand here and listen. But. Well, if Eddie's finally telling his friends about them, he kinda wants to hear it. Want to hear Eddie spill the secret so they can quit being so secretive.

"Well, yeah. You're the one who's always saying people don't change. Did you lie to me? To us? Has Steve changed?" That's Jeff's voice, and his questions make Steve gut twist. But Eddie's not Nancy. He's not- they aren't bullshit. Eddie knows that. He'll defend Steve. He'll tell them the truth. There's silence, though. Eddie doesn't defend him.

"What's with the silence?" Frankie asks, when Eddie's been quiet too long. Funny, Steve wanted to ask the same thing.

"I'm trying to not snap at you all," Eddie says, and he sounds angry. "I get that you guys might still be hesitant or whatever, but you don't get to come here and throw accusations when you haven't even tried to be friends with him! This is why I don't invite him to come hang out with us! 'Cause you can be a bunch of dicks sometimes!"

Steve feels a warmth bloom inside him. He knew Eddie would defend him, he did. It's just hard to believe sometimes, and he's not going to make that Eddie's problem. But hearing it. Hearing that Eddie does defend him even when he doesn't know Steve's around to hear it. Fuck, it makes him want to kiss Eddie so bad.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry," Jeff says, "you're right. We are being dicks, and pretty standoffish with Steve. We aren't giving him a fair chance."

"You're not!" Eddie agrees aggressively. "Even if he wasn't my b- my friend, he's still the reason I'm even fucking alive. So, respect that at least."

Steve stands at the midpoint of the stairs until the conversation turns to a different topic before he tiptoes back to the top of the steps to turn around and thunder down the stairs loudly, giving everyone in the basement a warning to his arrival.

He'll tell a lie, that he was driving around because he was bored and thought to stop and see what Eddie was up to, and get invited to stay and hang out. Eddie's friends are more open with him than they usually are and Steve doesn't waste the opportunity to try and really engage with them, get to know them.

He can be a secret just a little longer, he supposes, when he looks away from Jeff and catches Eddie staring at him with the same adoration he sees on Eddie's face when they're alone. And judging by the almost slip up earlier, Eddie might be getting closer to not being a secret, too.

[drawingjester00]

A small sample of the DC x DP fic I'm working on. It's a Damian/Danny (Dead Serious) fic

Danny wonders why these things always happen to him. This was just supposed to be an end-of-year trip to Gotham. One week he didn't have to fight ghouls or deal with Vlad's fruitloopiness. The universe hated him. At least that's the only conclusion that makes sense.

It started at one of Gotham's museums. Everything was great. They were looking at old stuff and he was joking around with Tucker and Sam. Then his ghost sense went off because of course.

It wasn't a surprise to see a few ghosts come in and start wreaking havoc. How did they know where to find him? He quickly got his answer when he saw Vlad. Vlad grabbed a random kid and fled. Sam and Tucker reassured him they got the other ghost to go after Vlad.

Damian was ready to body slam this vampire-looking man. Who the hell was he and where did he come from? The man turned them both intangible, going through several walls before ending up in a mostly empty room. The man tied up his wrist and ankles but left him otherwise unrestrained. Damian was able to press the call button on his watch.

"Hey vampire, you're a long ways away from Transylvania." Damian snarked.

"I'm not a vampire you insolent brat."

Damian rolled his eyes, "Then maybe you shouldn't dress like one."

Vlad went to retort but was tackled by Danny flying through the wall. Damian would have been surprised if weird shit didn't happen to him on the daily but still he had to put on a performance.

Damian looked at the fighting pair deadpan, "oh wow gee looks like I'm in quite a jam."

By the time Vlad was sucked into the phantom thermos Damian had already freed himself. Danny looked at the kid bewildered.

"You know staring is rude."

Danny scoffed, "I wasn't staring. Who the hell are you? What did Vlad want with you?"

"I have no clue. You came in before his villainous monologue," Damian paused before snickering, "is his name really Vlad? Like Vlad the Impaler, the original Dracula."

Danny can't believe he hadn't made that connection himself. He couldn't help but laugh. Damian raised a brow.

When Danny calmed he looked at the kid, "So kid are you hurt?"

"I would think that's the first thing you would have checked for. I could have bled to death while you went hysterical."

"Since when did twelve-year-olds get so snarky."

"I'm not twelve! I'm sixteen!"

"But you're so small."

"You are only a few inches taller than me. I'm also still tall enough to kick your ass. Who are you anyway? Batman doesn't like metas in his city."

"A what now?"

"A meta," a big man stepped out from the darkness, "You okay Damian?"

"Yeah, hood. Is it just you?"

"For now, yes," Red Hood looked at Danny, "who are you kid and why are you in Gotham."

"I'm Phantom and I'm supposed to be on a school trip but one of my arch nemesis found me but I stopped him so I should get going."

"I should go back to Hood. I'm fine and I'm sure the ghost boy would be willing to bring me back."

"Uh yeah sure let's go." Danny flew off.

Red Hood lowered himself and whispered, "keep an eye on him. If you have a tracker, use it."

"I'm not an idiot. I was already planning on it."

Danny flew back into the room, "you coming?"

"Are you gonna walk 'cause I certainly can't fly or phase through walls."

"Oh yeah. Let me just, " Danny scooped Damian up in a bridal style, "there we go. You ready now?"

Red Hood snickered as Damian turned red, squawking at the poor kid holding him.

"Put me down! Don't manhandle me!"

"Sorry but this is the quickest way."

Danny rushed off. Damian scowled like an angry cat. Danny chuckled, causing the other to start another rant full of foul language. Finally, Danny landed. Sam and Tucker were there waiting.

Sam gave him a confused expression, "Why are you carrying the youngest Wayne."

"Who?"

"Me dumbass! Put me down!" Damian squirmed.

Danny set him down. Damian adjusted his expensive uniform muttering. Sam grabbed Danny by the ear and pulled him aside.

She whispered," What are you doing carrying the Wayne kid."

"Vlad had him. Plus I still don't know who Wayne is."

"Wayne as in Bruce Wayne, " Sam pinched the bridge of her nose as Danny stared at her blankly, "Wayne as in Wayne Tech Industries."

"Oh… ohhhh. So maybe Vlad had him for some rich guy reason."

"We should keep an eye on him. He is just some pampered rich kid."

Danny nodded and went back over. He was surprised to see the kid was still there. He shuffled uncomfortably, unsure what to do from here. What he didn't see coming was the quick peck to his cheek followed by a growled thank you. Moments later the kid was gone.

Tucker grinned, "look at you, Danny. You just get all the rich babes don't you?"

"It was just a hero kiss," Sam waved her hand in front of Danny's face, "you still there."

"Yeah yeah just wasn't expecting that."

"Go change and catch up with the class."

"Good idea."

That night Danny patrolled the city. Gotham was a whole different beast at night. It was still busy, the lights were bright and the people were completely unfazed. He decided to take a break in the park. Not even five minutes he was being dragged by a vine. Now he was upside down face to face with a pretty green skin lady.

"Whatcha got there?" The blonde lady next to her asked.

"I think this is the mystery meta that Red Hood was talking about."

"He's a cutie ain't he? What do you think we should do with him?"

"Interrogate. Why are you flying around our city?"

Danny gulped, "just making sure none of the ghosts from the attack earlier weren't causing more chaos."

"Responsible young man aren't ya."

"Look I don't want no trouble I have enough of that —"

"Ivy put him down," A boy came down from the tree tops dressed in a costume, "he hasn't done anything wrong yet."

Ivy hesitated but she dropped him. Danny landed with an oof.

"You spooky kid come here."

Danny hesitated but went over. The kid narrowed his eyes and clicked his tongue.

"Of course it's you. I heard about you," Damian walked over to Ivy, "I will deal with this," he gestures to Danny before putting his hands on his hips, "Isn't tonight date night?"

Harley smiles, "it sure is. Let's go Ives I think we can still make our dinner reservations."

Ivy grabbed Harley's hand, " be careful kiddo." She and Harley left the two vigilantes.

Damian went back over to Danny who just looked confused. So much happened in the past few minutes and he wasn't able to process it.

"You kid, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Uh patrolling."

"Gotham already has its team of heroes. We don't need you stirring the pot."

"I'm trying to help. I don't think Gotham's heroes know how to deal with ghosts."

"You don't know anything about Gotham."

"You know you're right. How do I know you're not a villain?"

"Because you would be in big trouble already. You're lucky those two are reformed."

"I guess you're part of Batman's crew although you're pretty short. I'm surprised the big bad Batman lets you out past curfew." Danny smirked.

Damian growled, "you better watch it, ghost boy."

"Oo did I strike a nerve."

Damian scowled and swung. Danny faked a yawn and went intangible. Damian ended up stumbling. He was quickly getting irritated. Damian tries to land a few more hits.

Danny laughed and pinched Damian's cheek, "so cute."

"I'm not cute. I'm gonna figure out what exactly you are and then I'm gonna kick your ass."

Before he could get another word in his ghost sense went off. It was the box ghost being annoying as fuck. Danny rolled his eyes before swiftly kicking his ass. Damian watched amused. Once the box ghost was away Danny was again at Damian's side.

"I didn't recognize that villain but you did adequately I guess."

"That's 'cause he is one of mine. He's a ghost."

"So you're both ghosts. Did you," Damian paused, "did you die?"

"Yeah, kinda I guess. I never thought about it that way."

"That is never easy."

"You say that like you have experienced dying."

Damian stayed quiet. Danny looked at him and was shocked. This boy had experienced death; his silence was answer enough. A million questions ran through his head but he shook his thoughts away and just hugged Damian.

"I don't know how that is possible but I'm not gonna question it."

Damian tense. It was weird the ghost boy felt so cold but it was comforting. Danny pulled away leaving a confused and blushing Damian. Damian was still standing there when Nightwing arrived.

[darklinaforever]

The thing about romance books that have a lot of different couples explored within a several part series is that not everyone is like certain books. So I don't understand this whole obsession with genderbending love interests? Or even changing so much of it? Even if you like those changes, allow the OG fandom (the book lovers) to mourn for those changes? Sophie fans don't want her to be genderbent. Michael fans don't want him to be genderbent. And yet you will see some Michael fans pointing out that they should genderbend Sophie but not Michael. Some Sophie fans are trying to argue that it is fine for Michael to be genderbent. Then you have people who are making a case for Eloise to end up with a woman (genderbent sir philip or no) but some people who loved her book don't want that. There are many women who are arguing that having another female character who is outspokenly feminist be gay is a stereotype at this point, and many of those fans find it refreshing for her to end up with a man. Although, even those fans agree that they would like to see changes to the Philip + Eloise story. Not to mention, the discussion of possibly genderbending the love interests of Hyacinth and Gregory (which I will be so upset by - especially Lucy). I have already seen people on reddit debate that Lucy should actually be a man. I feel like it doesn't have to make "sense" to genderbend a certain character. If people are attached to a character being a certain way, don't make large changes.

Lastly, I feel like a part of introducing Michaela was for shock value but to also prep the fans the possibility of Sophie being a man. He could've been introduced much later, but I feel like part of the motivation is to gauge the audience's reaction and give people some time to adjust before the new season starts where they feature male!Sophie. Especially since they decided to finally address Benedict's sexuality which I feel was terrible writing. Benedict has barely had any good arcs. They should've explored his sexuality before and made that an arc rather than having it thrown about without any good writing. So, it feels they are pulling the Benedict is bi card NOW because they want audiences to be prepared for the change.

Anyways, I am a lesbian, in case any of the homophobia arguers want to get angry about this rant. I love romance books and my favorite are sapphic books. I just wish shows would stop pulling this shit. It only frustrates people and then divides fandom. It is like these showrunners are too lazy to ever actually be willing to take a risk or start from scratch and build up a fandom. They always want to take advantage of an already large fandom so they can make the changes they think will have people praise their writing and then gaslight the fans when they dislike those changes.

It's so insulting to so many minorities. Are we not good enough for our own stories? Must we always have these hollywood idiots steal other stories and try to force it? Do they have any IDEA how many LGBTQ books are published that would make for 10/10 romances. Sorry for the rant. I am just pissed.

Exactly ! There is so much history to be created about queer people. No need to change the types of characters already existing within a fandom !

And I completely agree with you on Benedict. I said it myself. They poorly explored his pseudo sexual discovery. Not to mention the fact that yes, we really give him little material each season and I don't understand why. Needless to say, I can't wait to finally see him shine in the forefront !

Also, probably even if you specify that you are a lesbian, you will still be accused of homophobia by these morons.

I'm Bi, and I had the right to an anonymous person telling me that I hated queer people.

Bullshit level we are damn high.

[finniestoncrane]

Placebo

Gotham!Riddler x GN!Reader, word count: 650 commission: gotham!riddler getting some very well-deserved love and affection after getting in a lil scrape commission me here! request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: fluff, some minor injury

“It went that bad, huh?”

“It didn’t go bad, they just didn’t… follow my plan.”

Edward stared at the ground, his glasses broken and askew on his face, usually tidy hair messed up and falling down into his eyes.

“And your plan was…?”

“My plan was to get those officers back for their cruel taunts, I thought if I called them out on the way they spoke to you, to us, that they might at least engage in some kind of… reasonable conversation. Maybe I could get them to see the error of their ways.”

“And instead?”

“Well… instead, they got angry, and opted to take that aggression out in a physical manner. I hardly think it’s my fault that they were too stupid to learn how to take criticism. I take enough of it, from people who definitely don’t know better. And I do know better. I know what’s right and what they should do and ow!”

His ranting was cut short as he hissed loudly, the Neosporin stinging his gentle, soft skin as you passed it over the grazes on his knuckles.

“I can see you gave back as good as you got though.”

“I tried…”

His gaze remained towards the floor, but you could make out the slight smile on his cheeks, which flushed with a hint of blush.

“You poor, sweet thing. You’re a hero in my books, anyway.”

“Really?”

Finally, he looked up, meeting your eyes with a gaze that searched for truth and sincerity in your words.

“Of course, Edward. You’re very brave, to stand up for what you believe in.”

He smiled, adjusting his glasses and pushing them up the bridge of his nose, twitching it from side to side to get them to settle in place. Smiling back at him, you brushed his hair back into place as best as you could, and without thinking, you leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on his now visible forehead.

Jumping back with an embarrassed, spluttering cough, you got back to work cleaning up his knuckles. He’d thrown punches, defending himself and by extension you. In fact, you suspected that a lot of it was for you. His face hadn’t stopped beaming since you gave him the small, sweet kiss. His eyes didn’t drift back to the floor, they were stuck on you, intense in their gaze.

“There, all done.”

Lifting his hands to your mouth, you kissed the knuckles, tilting them forward to kiss the back of his hands too.

“Kissing it better, it might help, you never know.”

“It… it might. The placebo effect has been proven time and time again to offer legitimate healing and preventative properties, all established through rigorous and extensive huh-”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to listen, but the way he spoke, the way his lips moved, his nose twitching with the words, it was impossible not to kiss him. So you interrupted him, his mumbles muffling against your mouth before he stopped completely, silent but for a few soft moans as he leaned into the affections.

Feeling his hand reach behind you, the moment felt perfect, until he pulled back with a yelp.

“Oh!”

“What’s wrong?”

“My… hand. Fingers still hurt a bit, can’t really… offer you much in the way of reciprocated affections.”

Taking the offending digits, the ones which throbbed in pain as he tried to hold your head steady into the embrace, you kissed them again.

“Just means they need some more sweet placebos then, hm?”

Bashful, but attempting to push through it, he smiled, wide enough to push his cheeks up and shift his glasses.

“I would never turn down effective medical assistance.”

Clearing his throat, he made an attempt to apologise for how clunky his flirting was, but you were already silencing him with another kiss. You weren’t going to let him talk himself out of his deserved affections this time.

[pianoandcookiedoughlover]

marauders as songs without words (mendelssohn) pieces: regulus black

okay, i've been thinking about this for the past few days so i finally had to type it out. i've been doing some practice sightreading out of this book featuring all of mendelssohn's songs without words and after playing through one that really reminded me of regulus i wanted to do all of the marauders!! but for now, i will stick with regulus, who inspired this all.

i honestly have two options for him. first, op. 30 no. 6 in f sharp minor. i linked here a barenboim recording (barenboim is just such an excellent pianist i love his interpretations)

this is the one that really caught my attention. from that e sharp in the third measure, i felt regulus's blunt nature. we have this repeating figure in measures five and six that appear throughout the piece, which makes me think of his family's constant presence in his life. i see the trills as him sort of floundering under the pressure from his family while also wanting to be his own individual, but he eventually succumbs to his family's wishes with the following falling line.

towards the end of the piece, there is this pattern of playing a broken f sharp octave in the left hand followed by a block chord in the right hand that to me is reminiscent of his struggles with where he was in the later part of his life, constantly fighting between who he is and who he wishes he could've been, if he could go back and rewind these past years. the last two trills feel like a vulnerable representation of him before he fades away into the last few measures.

overall, it has that drama that a black brother needs and this sort of haunting sound that i think regulus might appreciate.

the other option was op. 67 no. 5 in b minor which i found after when i was fully fleshing out this idea but arguably prefer (again, the barenboim recording).

again, this piece has that slightly bitter sound that i think works well for regulus. also that chord on the second beat of measure 9 (about 0:26 in that recording linked above) is just so devastating, i love it. then by measure 14 (0:44 ish) the piece takes a distinct turn to a major sound. it feels innocent and nostalgic, like thinking of a happy memory with a rosy background. this could be representative of regulus's happy moments at hogwarts, with his friends and perhaps romantic interests (regardless of who you ship him with).

but soon enough, it takes a tragic minor turn, so suddenly and smoothly. he has returned home, reminded of his life as his family's heir and what they expect of him. we then return to the main theme with slight adjustments to the harmony. after his time at hogwarts, he has a new perspective of his family and their involvement with voldemort. he is disillusioned with it all, angry for what they have made him become, yet hopeful that there is some way he can fix it.

measure 28 (1:28) marks a choice. i think it perhaps up to interpretation how you see the ending...

anyway, so that was me totally geeking out over these pieces and my newfound interesting in the marauders. i apologize, i'm still quite new to this fandom so i don't know if i've captured regulus's character perfectly. i would absolutely love to hear any music recs for him or other marauders characters or your opinions on these two!

i also apologize for my musical analysis, i have been a bit out of the game for the past couple of years (college has been a lot lol) so i also love to hear other interpretations as well! i might type up some other characters' pieces out of my own interest (particularly i have one for lily i adore) but hopefully it brings enjoyment to other people too :)

thank you so much for reading to my silly rant! <3

[ifonlyicouldcosplay]

A Nightmarish Dream

note:Fem!reader x Lilia Vanrouge, didn’t check spelling or grammar, title in the works. I haven’t posted a story for public viewing before, so we’ll just see how this goes. I’ll post this on AO3 as well. Reader is an adult and will do adult things, but I’m not planning on including anything explicit.

****************************************************************

The sky held a cold, grey hue to it, as was the norm within Briar Valley. However, it had been worse after the death of both King and Queen Draconia. Maleficia became reigning queen once again after their deaths, accompanied by fierce storms fueled by her frustration and grief. Years have passed since that day and so had the storms. The raven outside was certain if Her Majesty wasn't so preoccupied with running a war-engaged kingdom, it would be pelted with sharp drops of rain and blown about amongst wrathful gales. For what seemed like the hundreth time, it smacked its beak against the window of Maleficia's study once more, trying to get her attention to open the window. Letting out another angry squak seemed to finally do the trick as she glanced over in towards the raven. With a wry smile and a graceful flick of the wrist, the window opened inward for it to hop in. With another squak, it hopped from the windowsill into the study. Black as night smoke whirled around the raven's form and extended upwards. Once the smoked cleared, (Y/N) stood there in her usual, fae form. A long dress of black and silver adorned on her body.

"I know I'm your Lady-in-Waiting, but you took that title rather seriously. I was trying to get your attention for so long." She joked, turning slightly to close the window once more. Maleficia let out a tired breath, "My apologies, (Y/N)." She spoke, looking back at the parchments laid throughout her desk, "I was just going over the final arrangements of adjusting the chain of command within my army." That seemed to interest (Y/N) as she walked over and picked up what looked to be the letter Maleficia had been looking over, gaining her a small look of annoyance, "Ah, did you finally decide on a new general?" She asked, her eyes bouncing about the letter, which seemed to be a letter of acceptance from the sender. "Wait, (Y/N), it-" "Ah! Vanrouge?! Really?!" (Y/N) inturrupted the queen with her own annoyance, causing the queen to close her eyes and take a breath, "Yes, (Y/N). Lilia Vanrouge." "But he's so young! And arrogant, and completely obnoxious! You know last time I was checking on our troops on the eastern front, he flicked a berry at me while I was flying by! I'm sure I still have the mark to prove it!" She ranted, patting her back side, where the launched berry had hit her butt, "Do you know that almost knocked me to the ground? That hurt!" The queen looked at her, "He is not much younger than you, my dear." She stated, then gave (Y/N) a knowing look, "Didn't you turn his hair completely pink the time you saw him before that? What brought this feud on, anyway?" The Queen asked, mood somewhat improved since earlier. (Y/N) narrowed her eyes in thought, "Like I said, hes arrogant. He has one of those faces that just..." The more the queen watched her, waiting for an answer, the harder it was for (Y/N) to voice her thoughts on the bat fae, "...He picks his nose in public." She blurted out. With that response, the Queen let out a small laugh at her lady in waiting and closest friend. (Y/N) had the faintish hint of a blush on her cheeks and pointed ears. Despite being a mother now, (Y/N) could still act like a child sometimes. Maleficia found the trait to be endearing. No matter. She was sure her friend would come to a truce with Lilia in time. 

"Well, Vanrouge will be arriving on the morrow. I want him training the troops we have here." She opened her eyes, looking directly into (Y/N)'s (color) ones, "That includes your son." "I don't want him anywhere near my son." She mumbled. The last thing she wanted was Lilia's behavior rubbing off on him. "(Y/N), you've seen Vanrouge on the battlefield. I think he would be the best person to train them. I would think you would want Wyot trained by the best." After a moment, (Y/N) responded, knowing she was right, "Of course I do...that doesn't mean I still don't think Vanrouge is one of the most annoying beings in Twisted Wonderland."

[isfjmel-phleg]

I'm rereading Mother Carey's Chickens, a 1911 children's book by Kate Douglas Wiggin, mostly because there's a subplot in it which I think might be relevant to my search for portrayals of CEN in children's literature of this era (...and guess what subplot got axed in Summer Magic, a loosely adaptated 1963 film version--but that's another issue). Anyway, this time I found myself unexpectedly sympathetic toward a character Wiggin does not want the audience to be very sympathetic toward.

(and wow, this got longer than I expected and is A Rant, sorry!)

Basically, the book is about the Carey family--a widow and her four children--who have suffered a significant finanical decline after the father's death and have to move into a new house in a small town and make a lot of sacrifices and adjustments, while having various slice-of-life adventures. Not long after the move, their cousin Julia comes to live with them.

And Wiggin really hammers it into the reader's head that Julia is annoying. She's "the pink of perfection" (a phrase memorably used in a song in the 1963 film), she knows it, and she never lets anyone forget it. (Think a female version of my OC Josiah, and you're probably not far off.) She won't shut up about the rich family she used to live with, and she can't be bothered to join the others in anything so demeaning as chores. She's so dull and imaginative that "she bored her own mother terribly." She has no sense of humor, she's no fun, she's tidy and clothes-conscious, she gets perfect grades in school--in short, she's the worst and nobody likes her. Even Mrs. Carey admits "frankly" that she doesn't like Julia.

And the other children are understandably frustrated with her and very vocal about this among themselves. There's friction between her and the Careys--and the Careys don't always come off looking very good either, although the narrative doesn't recognize it. The two oldest children (who are about fifteen and fourteen, I think) even go so far as to write a poem mocking Julia's appetite (and, by implication, her weight) and tacking it up in her room. Julia in tears shows it her aunt, who finds it funny and has to struggle to show the proper sympathy. Julia protests that the family she used to live with never mentioned her appetite and instead encouraged her to eat. Mrs. Carey concedes that her older children can get carried away with joking and forgot Julia wasn't used to it.

And then she adds, "And don't forget, my dear, that in a large family like ours we must learn to 'live and let live.'" So clearly it's Julia's fault for being so oversensitive about just a joke, right? Because nobody likes her, and she had it coming. She needs to learn to have a sense of humor!

Eventually, Kathleen, the younger Carey daughter, in a moment of provocation lets it slip that Julia's father is the reason the family has so little money (long story). An angry Julia tells her aunt. Kathleen feels horrible about it and apologizes profusely, but Julia is not immediately forgiving and points out what a victim she is here--as a fatherless girl and a guest in their home.

And then Mrs. Carey gives her A Speech (emphasis mine):

"You are wrong there, Julia. I fail to see why you should not take your full share of our misfortunes, and suffer as much as we, from our too small income. It is not our fault, it is not yours. You are not a privileged guest, you are one of the family. If you are fatherless just now, my children are fatherless forever; yet you have not made one single burden lighter by joining our forces. You have been an outsider, instead of putting yourself loyally into the breach, and working with us heart to heart. I welcomed you with open arms and you have made my life harder, much harder, than it was before your coming. To protect you I have had to discipline my own children continually, and all the time you were putting their tempers to quite unnecessary tests! I am not extenuating Kathleen, but I merely say you have no right to behave as you do. You are thirteen years old, quite old enough to make up your mind whether you wish to be loved by anybody or not; at present you are not!"

Does Julia deserve to be informed that she has been standoffish and unhelpful and whiny and needs to be a team player? Absolutely. Blaming her for the Carey children's behavior though? Not so much. And to tell anyone--especially someone so young--that whether she is loved is solely up to her and currently no one loves her--is incredibly harsh and uncalled for.

The narrative consistently presents Mrs. Carey as The Ideal Mother, so there is no recognition of the hurtfulness of such a comment. Instead, it's that comment in particular that is presented as what finally prompts Julia's character development.

Not to be loved, if that really were to be her lot, rather terrified Julia. She secretly envied Nancy [Carey]'s unconscious gift of drawing people to her instantly; men, women, children,—dogs and horses, for that matter. She never noticed that Nancy's heart ran out to meet everybody, and that she was overflowing with vitality and joy and sympathy; on the contrary, she considered the tribute of affection paid to Nancy as a part of Nancy's luck. Virtuous, conscientious, intelligent, and well-dressed as she felt herself to be, she emphatically did not wish to be disliked, and it was a complete surprise to her that she had not been a successful Carey chicken.

At this point, I am feeling sorry for this child, obnoxious though she can be. This girl has a father who isn't in her life much and a mother who was flighty and bored with her and either died or left the picture when her daughter was five so she was raised by a governess and has been trying really hard to be everything her mother wasn't--well-behaved and responsible. And now after living with an apparently kind and accepting family, she's been transplanted to an unfamiliar environment with cousins who complain about and mock her. No one is listening to her; no one is bothering to help her. She talks about her friend's family so much because that's all she knows. As annoying as her displays of perfection are, it's her flawed attempt to seek love and validation. She feels inadequate compared to her outgoing and universally adored cousin Nancy (who co-wrote the mean poem and has been the most vocally critical of her--guess her heart doesn't run out to meet just everybody!), and the narrative faults her for lacking the right sort of personality. Apparently the only acceptable way for her to earn love is to make an effort to be more like Nancy. And Julia desperately wants to be loved.

But there are people who love her unconditionally! She points out that her friend, the daughter of the family she used to live with, always loved her. Mrs. Carey replies, "Then either Gladys has a remarkable gift of loving, or else you are a different Julia in her company [...]"

Ouch.

She then proceeds to accuse Julia of committing "the sin of causing your brother to stumble" by provoking her cousins' annoyance. Kathleen, though, doesn't agree and apologizes again. And Julia takes pity on her, shows some affection, and they make up.

From here, Julia is on the road to character development, and Mrs. Carey gets all the credit for it. And sure, Julia has learned that she needs to be more helpful and less critical, but she has also learned that love is earned and that her family will only accept her if she toes a certain line. Is this really any different from her previous efforts of performing perfection?

And anyway, it bothers me that the narrative is so merciless to her. Yes, she's got major issues that she needs to grow past. But is being a girl exhibiting the results of a problematic upbringing enough cause for the level of vitriol that she is given? Couldn't there have been a more effective way to prompt her character development than for a family member whom she respects to tell her she's unlovable? Wiggin's narrative extends compassion to the flaws of characters like Nancy but withholds it from others (not just Julia). Why? Why are some people more deserving of understanding? Because they're the main character?

And that's never really struck me before, I've always read this book at face value, but somehow today I ended up with emotions about Julia Carey. Who knew. If you've got this far, thank you for coming to my Rant.

[lazaruspiss]

Do you have headcanons? I didn't think I would like Sladicktalia that much

i think about them forever and ever and ever. theyre iconic and powerful and i love them. thank u for inviting me to rant about them.

one unavoidable part of it is that it Will make Bruce angry. and like, real emo. he's being cucked in several directions and no one even cares about how sad that makes him. ideally Dick has gone "ok ive had enough of this guy" and pursues what he wants without worrying about what Bruce will think, but you could also do the whole song and dance of "oh i love them... but what will Papa think??"

oh oh!! my self indulgent canon divergence!! so Talia trying to bring Damian back to the league after she sent him to Bruce in the first place makes Absolutely No Sense to me so I've decided to ignore it. that said i like to imagine her dropping by during the D&d Batman & Robin days.

i actually have a random prompt in my drafts about Talia visiting Dick and him assuming she's here for Bruce and/or Damian related reasons only for her to be like. we're having dinner together. do you want to go with the Fancy Reservations place or just grab something normal people eat. i like them.

also. Talia and Slade have canonically had casual sex. i think they should be on again off again fuck buddies who gradually start going out to nice places before fuckin nasty and keep going down that route of increasing romance/domestic-ness until they've accidentally bought a house together.

the three of them end up w a cat at some point. don't ask me why, it's just the vision. sexy times occasionally interrupted by cat screams bc it needs attention.

Slade and Dick should be the last to realize they like each other. so that Talia can swirl a glass of wine and go "hehe. cute idiots." and also bc those two are actually emotionally incompetent. like yeah Talia isn't that well adjusted either but she at least knows what she wants unlike those two.

god, between Slade and Talia, Dick is truly living the bottom bisexual dream. that's not a headcanon that's just a general observation.

their "honeymoon" would be a world tour. travel everywhere see everything and only have a few near deadly altercations. Bruce calling Dick while Dick's chilled out in a jacuzzi and Dick telling him to not call him for anything short of someone dying or the world ending bc he has a beautiful wife and husband to go spend his time with.

Jason could be lowkey jealous. but it's ok if he's good he gets to visit. guest member of the polycule. Dick's good baby boy. sorry I'm getting sidetracked, im still a jaydick hoe it seems.

I could go on forever. it's an actual crime that i havent written or drawn them before, like wtf.

anyways i need them to all to share a house or penthouse or smth.

[otakween]

Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning

So, I saw The Beginning yesterday at an AMC theater. I saw it subbed to keep things consistent. I'm gonna split up my reaction into two parts: experience and the movie itself. Angry rant ahead...

Side note: Why is this movie called "The Beginning?" Are they planning more...? (I mean, they're always planning more I guess lol).

Theater Experience:

Always such a delight to see an anime movie in theaters, it's becoming as common as every-other-month these days which is very exciting! It's very rare that I get to see a movie like this that's a continuation of a series. Usually I'm not caught up enough to do that (although I did watch the Shirobako and Jujutsu Kaisen movies without watching the shows lol).

I had no idea that they were going to give me trading cards as I walked in!! This seems to becoming a more common gimmick these days. When I saw the most recent MHA movie they gave me a mini manga. More of this please! I know it's just cheap junk, but it makes the whole thing feel like an experience :D

Theater was more crowded than I expected and full of geeks, of course. I heard someone's ring tone go off and it was a Digimon sound effect. When the ad for the vital bracelet played one dude proudly shook his wrist in the air. I saw a Gatomon plush and the dude in front of me got so hype for the digivolutions that he started filming it on his phone (which I don't condone, but it was kinda funny seeing how into it he was).

Not a single child in the crowd. I guess this movie is obvious millennial-bait tho, so that's to be expected. (Also it was 7pm on a dark Thursday).

Cute little intro interview with the director was cute. My brain had to adjust to reading subtitles on a big screen. I guess I just don't watch foreign films outside the home too often.

Movie Reaction (MAJOR SPOLERS AHEAD):

WTF did I watch!? This movie was batshit crazy and I have many conflicting emotions. I feel like it was simultaneously super intense and really bland at the same time? Let me elaborate...

Putting aside the new dude for a second, the 02 cast really didn't do much in this at all. They all kind of acted as a collective instead of feeling like distinct people with their own roles to play. Their entire motivations/existence revolved around Lui's plot line which is really a bummer. Some characters, like Iori and Hikari were especially sidelined and bland (not that Iori was that great to begin with lol).

The only scenes I really liked with the 02 cast were when everyone (especially Miyako) was telling Lui to cut the edgy crap and just talk to them. I like when aloof characters are called out like that. Also, I liked the part where Miyako accused Daisuke and Ken of flirting teehee (queer baiting!? In MY digimon??) That got a laugh out of the audience too.

Okay...moving onto Lui's story. Jesus Christ. I liked where it was going at first and thought the whole grimdark, Madoka angle (major Kyuubey vibes) was interesting (if not a little too over the top), but then (in my opinion) they COMPLETELY bungled things!! So essentially, Ukkomon kills Lui's parents and potentially multiple children in their efforts to "make Lui happy" by making all the humans in his life behave "correctly." Horrifying and effectively creepy (especially in the scene where they "puppet" Lui's parents). This all culminates in Lui "killing" Ukkomon and losing his eye (which then gets replaced with Ukkomon's eye). I was on board for this horror angle, but then the 02 kids were like "awwww, poor Ukkomon~" WHAT. THE. FUCK. A kid tells you that a monster thingy killed your parents and your reaction is "but did you try being their friend??" Nooooo! So basically the rest of the movie is the kids victim blaming/gaslighting Lui into submission and he's like "you know what? It IS my fault that my parents died! I should have been a better friend." NOPE. This madness just ruined the whole thing for me. Like, what the hell were they thinking? Anyway, rant over. I'll go back to talking about the not as heinous things now.

I liked Ukkomon's sea angel-based design. I didn't exactly find them cute but they were good at being creepy. It was definitely disturbing to see what happens when a digimon partner is HATED by their human.

The "Unkomon" joke was funny but they didn't give a translator's note or anything so I was wondering how many people in my theater got it lol (I guess it depends on how much anime you've seen).

Lui's digimon eye looked really stupid and I think they knew that because they covered it up for most of the movie. I think it was more effectively shown in brief closeups but anymore than that it was just too goofy looking to take seriously.

The scenes about digimon bonds and the (obviously fake) threat of losing them were boring and cheesy. I think they were going for heartwarming, but something about it was very forced. The stakes definitely never felt real.

At the beginning of the movie they used smartphones to digivolve instead of their D3s...wha...?

Speaking of D3s, when they faded away (weirdly slowly) at the end and Hikari was like "what even was the digivice for anyway?" I had to laugh. That's what I've been saying! The lore around digivices, D3s, Arcs (or whatever Tamers wanted me to call them) has always been so vague. Anyway, I feel like they should be more concerned. Doesn't this mean they can't digivolve now...? (They acted like the power of friendship would just make it happen somehow, but I'm not convinced).

The updated digivolution scenes were fun (and funny to see on the big screen), but after watching Tamers, they still seemed lazily done comparatively. I still dislike that they show the greater digivolution at the start of the sequence. What's the point of that?

The movie started with Bolero, because of course. I had to roll my eyes at the nostalgia pandering. We also got a random reference to the first Digimon Adventure short film. That felt jarring since the animation style is so different.

So like...Lui time traveled and told his abusive mom to "be nice cuz your son loves you" and that just stopped all abuse forever? Riiiight...What is it with anime's crappy handling of child abuse lately? They pulled this same shit in Belle. You can't stop domestic violence by going "tsk tsk" to the abuser!

Rolling my eyes at Lui's introduction: "He's the first kid to ever partner with a digimon AND he has a super special eye AND cool grey hair AND his digimon can grant wishes." Serious "My OC don't steal!!" vibes.

Wait...I don't think they ever followed through with the "Ukkomon is connected to a digimon God" plot thread. Is that for the sequel or something? (Digimon 02 2 - The End? lol)

We got a little shipping stuff with Miyako and Ken at the end there. They had zero chemistry in the show and they continue to have zero chemistry in the movie...yaaaay.

I feel like, other than Daisuke and Lui, they just gave all the other guys the same haircut and they faded into the background lol. Ken just looks like some guy now.

Ukkomon's eldritch design was cool. I wish they just let him be evil instead of misunderstood...

So yeah, the writing in this was kind of a train wreck but I had fun regardless! Very curious to hear the dubbed version someday. How many people reprised their roles?

[cookinguptales]

TIL that you can block anonymous users via your inbox! And if you do that, it also gets rid of any of their old messages! Which has the side effect of letting you know which anon wrote which messages!

Which I guess is nice because

It gave me confirmation that the one anon I suspected was the same one who keeps sending me stuff I just... do not wish to read (because it's so long-winded, passive-aggressive, and full of absolutely rancid takes) actually was that person, despite the fact that I have asked them repeatedly to just unfollow me. And now I'll never have to get one of their diatribes again.

Kind of a relief to know that actually, my inbox was not full of people who hate me! It was just full of like two people who were really dedicated to hating me! Which is very fucking weird of them!

I will never understand why people get so fucking mad because someone wrote some fandom takes they didn't agree with on their own blog. Just... block me and move on and read stuff from other users who agree with you. It's fandom, not WWII. It doesn't always have to be combative. I'm open to discussion, but if you're just here to curse at me or tell me I'm an idiot or go on a rant about "certain people in fandom" or just be a condescending douchebag... save your breath, maybe? I'm not going to change my mind; all you're doing is irritating us both.

I see takes I don't agree with all the time, but I am normal and well-adjusted (lmao) and I just... scroll. Or block them, if it happens repeatedly. Or if I really feel strongly about it, I make my own meta post about my own opinions without referencing theirs. If I feel irritated, I vent privately to friends. It is just never worth a fight on tumblr dot com. Everyone just comes out feeling bad.

Also like... very genuinely, I do not understand why people send me long anonymous rants via ask when they clearly don't actually want my input. I get that it's scary to make posts of your own with your own name attached (like... obviously, I am proving the risks of that rn) but like?? Stop trying to use me as a platform or something. Gather your courage and make your own fucking post. Surely that must be easier than sending me like 400 words in multiple asks whining about the ~state of fandom these days~ when I clearly disagree with you, then getting angry with me when I disagree with you.

I've pretty much decided to stop publishing those. I feel like it's probably just going to give people what they want? A platform for their vents without actually having to put their names on their ideas. I fully welcome anon asks (even very long ones!) that really want to discuss elements of canon or bring up ideas or ask me for my opinion. Even ones that don't necessarily agree with me, as long as they're respectful! But damn, some of you treat me like I'm not even a real person and I'm tired of it. You don't have to like my ideas, you don't even have to like me, but if you want me to engage with you, you gotta treat me with some semblance of respect.

Like... maybe I've been too nice? I try to answer all messages, even ones that are kind of shitty, as patiently as I can with as much good faith as I can muster, but like. maybe I do need to just tell some people to fuck off and/or delete their shitty bad-faith asks without reading them. Maybe I've emboldened people by engaging with these asks at all, idek. I really like ask culture on tumblr, but like. to be brutally frank, some of you are real shitheads with bad reading comprehension and terrible takes. You're not nice, and your ideas aren't interesting.

(I do just delete the ones that are just cursing or insults, typically, but I usually try to engage if there's any real content beyond that, and maybe that was a mistake...? Maybe you can't react to bad-faith actors with good faith...)

Anyway. This was a long and mystified post, but I really do feel much lighter knowing that the problem was less widespread than I thought (if... more concentrated than I'd anticipated) and that I will never have to hear from certain people again.

I'm probably going to leave anon off for a few more days just because I really do think I just need a mental break from wwdits for a few days, but I feel a lot safer turning it back on now. :')

[aprillikesthings]

Swear to god y'all I love r/abrathatfits but I have to take breaks from it now and then bc I get so tired of explaining the same handful of things over and over and over and over

Another day online, another person trying to tell us that no, HER boobs are weird and bad, and she has this EXTREMELY ODD problem--

And us all basically copy/pasting the same reply we gave the other fifteen people who had that exact same problem today >_<

Anyway, it's rant o'clock. I have probably written this post verbatim before, but fuck it.

D is not huge. It's not even big, especially in smaller band sizes.

Your under bust measurement is almost always your band size or close to it. If you have a 30" ribcage you should not be wearing a 34 band. If you have a lot of squish on your ribs your band size *might* be smaller than your under bust in inches.

If your straps are digging in, your bra doesn't fit. The support is supposed to come from the band.

You probably hate underwires because you've never had one that FIT YOU. Please, for gods sake, try wearing an underwire that fits before deciding you hate them.

(Put on an underwire bra and look in the mirror. If your boob isn't IN THE WIRES it doesn't fit. The wire should not be on top of breast tissue. The gore in the middle should be FLAT TO YOUR CHEST, not sitting on boob. The outside edge of the wire should be flat to your body. The bottom of the wire should be RIGHT in the spot where your boob meets your ribs, no matter how much you "sag"--not on top your boob. Not an inch lower, on your ribs. The whole point of the wire is to HOLD YOUR BOOBS. If it's not holding your boob it doesn't fit.)

You hate molded foam cups because they're almost always too shallow and nobody's boobs are that shape and nobody fits them.

You think that band size is too small because you're in a cup size far too small for you, and your boobs are pushing the cups away from your body.

Your cups can gap when they're TOO SMALL, because your boob isn't IN the cup. The cup is just sitting on top of your boob. You are wearing a boob hat. (Which is--AGAIN--why your band feels too tight.)

Good bras are just more expensive. They require a shit-ton of engineering, DOZENS of bits of fabrics and hardware, and have to be sewn with very little room for error. And in a billion sizes. But once you know your size and what styles and brand you like, you can haunt sales and secondhand sites and get them cheaper.

Victoria's Secret bras are shit and their fittings are garbage.

Yes, most bra models are visibly wearing the wrong size.

In a properly fitted bra, you NEVER HAVE TO ADJUST IT. Once it's on, it's on. You will never need to fuss with it. You don't have to pull it back down. You don't have to put your boobs back in it. If you're fussing with it for any reason other than "I lay down while wearing it," it doesn't fit.

Your boobs are not weird or bad or ugly. I promise. I PROMISE.

Last but not least: fer chrissake, everyone's boobs go into their armpits when they lie on their back. How do so few people know this. Why do people keep using it as an example of how their boobs are Bad and Weird. Whyyyyyyy.

EDITED TO ADD: if you're on instagram, the Irish Bra Lady posts TONS of photos of what people in BRAS THAT FIT look like. She's even got them sorted by sizes.

(I know none of this is the fault of the people who post at r/abrathatfits. Hell, I didn't know how sizes were supposed to work until I was in my 30's. But it's just. Tiring. To keep explaining. The same things. Plus I'd rather be angry about this than angry about, like, *waves hand* everything else.)(ALSO, disclaimer; if you hate your boobs because of dysphoria, or because even in a good bra they hurt you, this post isn't aimed at you.)

[waiterwaiterpercolator]

Just had an argument with my mum 10 minutes after my uncle left over the fact that she just lets him insult her and belittle her intelligence whenever he comes over (several days of him raising his voice, patronising sarcasm) for the slightest of things, and she not once ever pulls him up on it, but she immediately tells me off and gets angry if she thinks I'm taking a tone of voice with her. And how when he once told me to shut up when i tried joining in a discussion of a light fitting IN MY OWN HOME as a young teen she never said a thing to him then either. Like it's totally fine that your adult fucking brother tells your only child to literally shut up in their own home when he is there as a guest, just because they tried taking an interest in something.

And when her ex used to wind me up to the point i reacted with hostility she didn't speak up for me then, she sided with him because he would respond to me by throwing a huge tantrum and threatening to walk from our house in reading to norfolk in the dark. Because my mum only knows to make herself smaller because "it's easier to stay quiet".

And she says "look it's normal for families to not get along" like i am sure it is not fucking normal to have your brother go on a loud, vitriolic 5-minute rant about how you should get a job as a psychic and you would have found your vocation doing that because you always know better and have "always thought of it first" just bc you said you thought about [building work task] but you weren't sure it would work or whatever.

I don't think that one single man either in or adjacent to my family has ever been normal or well-adjusted and I'm frankly resentful as fuck that my mum has been and continues to be willing to go along with it all this time without considering the effect it has had on herself and me.

I have spent 90% of this christmas up in my room on my phone or computer because i did not want to be in the room for the inevitable next outburst against my mum because she asked a question he thought was stupid, or she didn't immediately understand what he was talking about. I have been so stressed all weekend and now my mum is acting as if I'm the one who has unrealistic views of what families should be, and I'm actually unhealthily jealous of everyone who has a dad who is emotionally available and who didn't think it was okay to smack them round the head as punishment, and like i actually get pissed about the fact that other people have parents who take an interest in their kids' hobbies instead of saying "well no it doesn't interest me so why would i ask about it, it's a different world from mine"

Anyway it's whatever 🙃👎🏻

[wazzuppy]

I saw your post about how people treat the phrase "white feminist" and yeah, I totally agree. There is this really weird trend to fully ignore misogyny even in leftist circles and belittle women who try to talk about how they're oppressed. Even if a woman is white she's still gonna be systemically oppressed because that's just how misogyny works. I find it pretty disgusting on this website where most discussions about misogyny are hijacked by people literally going "man hating is so bad and you shouldn't point this out". It's cool people defend trans people but 1. criticizing men as a social class isn't "bioessentialism" or whatever, it's genuinely just talking about the oppressor class and 2. why do you see trans women as men??????? like why is this argument always brought up anyway? i get TERFs would say it that way but when the target is so obviously not a TERF it's so odd. I've lost mutuals on here for just saying the words patriarchy and that MRAs are bad. It's baffling. I hate this progressive language coded misogyny in leftist spaces with all my heart. Women should be allowed to be afraid and angry when they're so obviously oppressed in every part of their lives. Sorry for the big rant

no need to apologize, i pretty much completely agree.

i think there is a very weird attitude around men's rights in general. like, it often feels as if they're trying the take the fact that they're men and have an inherent advantage to GAIN their rights out of the equation.

not to say i don't think men should have rights or that every single man is more privileged than the average cishet white woman. that's not true. but privilege exists even in marginalized groups because hierarchy still exists, and advantage and disadvantage often affect the same person. like, even a gay man has a leg up over a het woman because they are a man. and likewise, a het woman has an advantage over a gay man because theyre het. things arent as simple as "this group is always more oppressed than this one no matter what." its more fluid than that.

not to mention... a lot of the issues that do affect men (as in the hyper masculine, "feelings are gay" bullshit) are ones that were started and continue to be perpetuated by other men. like yeah, it fucking sucks and it should be fixed, but you get why the victims aren't the ones who should be doing the work, right? we can help and we can offer sympathy, but ultimately that's something THEY need to get over for any real progress to be made.

i also think there's something kind of gross about how a lot of feminist discussions are taken as "you just hate trans men!" automatically, without even knowing the genders of the people having the discussion. trans people should ABSOLUTELY be taken into account and defended, and its completely true that many, many feminists are transphobic. but the assumption that radical feminism (and i mean actual feminism, not "radfems" because thats just a different flavor of wanting patriarchy) = hating trans people feels very icky to me. you can be feminist without being transphobic, and you can be transphobic without being feminist.

leftist language, in general, needs some kind of adjustment or just for people to better understand what certain terms are actually supposed to mean. because lots of people just slap the word "terf" onto someone who is either not feminist or not transphobic.

for example: j.k rowling is undeniably transphobic. she regurgitates lots of terf rhetoric, but the problem with calling her a terf is that... she's not a feminist. like at all. she has an obvious hatred of women and has an extremely conservative mindset of what women should be. that's why all of the mothers in harry potters are good, and all of the unmarried/women without kids are bad. that's why hermione's personality is just a list of misogynist stereotypes.

this issue is especially gross when you remember how dogshit trans feminists are treated, masc or fem. trans people will talk about how men have personally hurt them and how that affected their views, and then a dozen cis queer people will come in like "noooo hating men is bad!!" and assume theyre cis.

i have more to say, but honestly, im tired and a lil sick so i'll leave it there for now. but theres a lot i think that needs to be discussed with how leftist language has evolved, and how feminism is sometimes treated like a scapegoat when it comes to who should be blamed for transphobia. i dont know of any of this made sense but yeah.

[britneyshakespeare]

I just read your last post and ughhg I know exactly what you mean, like at this point I'm so tired of carrying the Weight of a guy's feelings for me, and carrying the burden of rejecting someone who has not explicitly Asked Me Out, because like you I hate hurting people's feelings ... I've been ignoring a friend for a few months because of this, actually considering putting on my big girls panties to tell him that his attitude pissed me off (mind you I already had to have The Talk with him, and by that I had to ask him if he was interested in me just so I could reject him directly after, but it seems like he still thought I would change my mind and kept being ambiguous with me ??). I don't like being unnecessary mean, but that makes me even more angry bc I feel like I already have to manage the other person's feelings and emotions by adjusting my attitude so they don't think I reciprocate their feelings and if I choose to confront them about it then I also have to mind how I say it so they don't get hurt ... This is too much for me to handle so I just end up ghosting people, which I don't like doing but if they choose to be a coward then I should be allowed to be one too

Sorry this has become a late night rant for me but your post literally resonated with me so much I had to type this. I don't have the perfect solution but asking people upfront if they mean a date is a good strategy, not saying it's easy though, but it feels great immediately afterwards, it's like ripping off a bandaid ! in any case, good luck, and know that you are not alone facing this struggle ~

God thank you for understanding anon ;____; people never talk about how shitty this is!! If someone's asking you on a date but not calling it a date, it only really goes well if both people want to be going on a date anyway!!! Just cuz I don't wanna date someone doesn't mean I reject them entirely as a person!!! But that's how it's set up to be if I'm asked innocuously to hang out or get food. You don't have to pour your whole heart out to me just to clarify that, yes, the situation isn't meant to be platonic!! I'm not going to be offended by it!!! I'll appreciate the honesty!!! It's never fucking not clear to me when this is happening anyway. Like I'm not stupid. I know random single men I've just met don't wanna be alone w me because they want to be *friends*.

And you described perfectly the emotional turmoil of having to balance politely rejecting these open-ended advances. It's really not fun!!!! I end up ghosting people like that often because it's just too overwhelming. I shut down. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna lead the conversation about somebody else's feelings, but the other person won't take the lead either. What am I supposed to do but fall off then???

[jones7thavenue]

2023 Diary Entry No. 22

It's been a month + two weeks since the last diary entry. I've been busy adjusting to the new flat I'm living with my parents in right now, so I apologize for not having gotten to write about it sooner.

I'm listening to Wildest Dreams by Brandy from her 2012 album, Two Eleven, on loop, as I'm writing this journal entry. I've been thinking about my boyfriend a fucking lot lately, due to having read some MK11 fanfiction on here, and, boy, am I in deep. A little too deep into my mind here, that is. I can't stop thinking about my man at all. It's not that the fanfiction had anything to do with that. It's just that I've been craving his warm hands on me for a long fucking time, and I wish I was in his arms right now, even though it's my fucking fault for the impossibility. I'm finally getting some self-care. I only regret not having done so sooner, due to things coming up and shit. I need to find a way to replace my state ID card, so I can get medical services for all types of doctors and shit.

Anyway, I'm just looking forward to seeing my boyfriend and our son today. I have forgotten to take my meds last night, and, knowing myself, it's way too late for that, so I'll be taking my morning medications in thirty-eight minutes from now, then I'll be ready to go see my little boy. My phone is going to be off for the whole day, though, so I hope my mom can keep herself busy without feeling the need to call me every 2 minutes.

I couldn't sleep, but Mom + Pops had their beauty sleep....or did they? I just wish they could go back to bed, shit! It's total bullshit, the situation I got myself into, the past 2.5 fucking years of self-punishment with the fact that I'm my parents' slave because of the choices that I made to be here. And, boy, are they bad ones. And, unfortunately, they're all my fucking fault. I'm so fucking pissed I can't even think of typing shit because I keep thinking about that shit that should be forgotten entirely, but I can't trust me enough to forgive for the past 13 fucking years. Fuck you very much, grandma. I hope all my family members burn in hell; I don't expect myself to be there, once I repent and pray to have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior again, this time, for good, because I have a family to take care of, anyway. I'm done with being a cellophane doormat. For real, man.

Sorry for the long ranting paragraph, but not sorry for how I fucking feel about life, and the government, in general. I'm so happy someone sides with my story, with no need to open my mouth. I'm just ready to move on with my life and not remember negative shit anymore because, look where the negative shit got me. Fuck you very much, Satan; may your servants bow down to your $25 Trillion five footlong.

Okay, enough of the angry bitching. It's way too early for that. I'm going to calm myself down with a fucking nap. I'll be back.

I woke up to my stepfather causing chaos over being obedient to my mother and me. Ever since then, I haven't been feeling like doing anything, but I'm forced to do everything this weekend anyway, because it's just so much pressure to be the Barbie of the household: I have to wash dishes, I have to sweep and mop the floors, I have to clean everyone's room (mainly because someone lazily fucks their own bedroom up and doesn't bother to clean it right the fuck back the fuck up, because they think they're hot shit, but, trust me on this: they're not!), I have to take out the fucking trash, too. It's fucking exhausting for me to do everything without any fucking help whatsoever. I keep dreaming of the impossible fantasy of having my own life, having my own place, however the fuck I want my life. I'm getting to the point where should I go to jail, it's the only way to learn how not to do shit again, but way too late. And, obviously, as everyone knows, nobody wants nor needs that, so I better keep myself in my own head, obviously because it's not worth going there over an imbecile who thinks he's entitled to being lazy, when he knows how to drop shit all over the bedroom, so if he can do that, he can put the mess right back into where it came from, instead of me having to do it while bitching the whole fucking time.

I apologize sincerely for having been busy for hours, but, thanks to Big Brother, I replaced one movie + added two more into my library today, via the local Media Exchange. I'm looking forward to watching The Crow Duology by myself in the kitchen tonight when the folks are sleeping tonight. I'm surprised they liked my latest photo via Instagram. It's been too hot be hot as Fujin's balls outside right now, but, when the sun's down, I'll be out one last time for today, grabbing a lotto ticket and $5 in quarters so I can do some laundry tomorrow morning. I'm no longer considering moving out of my parents' abode at this point in time because the government is so fucking rude as shit, thinking they're hot shit until after the apocalypse. I'm just so looking forward to better days, even though it's impossible right now. All I need to do is clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, put away the dirty laundry (again!), clean my room + clear the kitchen table, as the list for housework to do tonight/tomorrow. Then, after I get all that shit done, will I be able to enjoy anything, starting Monday morning. I don't need to be putting shit off until later anymore, because, well, it's pissing people the fuck off, myself included.

I got a gut-wrenching feeling that my PS4 is done for, so I'm calling my request for a Chromebook off until there's a better time for that shit, since I have very little to save every month now, due to inflation. Fuck, I feel like crying right now, but it's so hard to unmask myself in front of anyone at this point. I'm just heartbroken because of how the past 3 years has treated me. Maybe I fucking deserve this karma for all the stupid shit I did to people long ago, because of my arrogant ass ego. It's just been a long time since I've thought about the shit I had done, but it's also the first time I'm ever writing about it, and, once I finish writing this, the negative weight will just get off my back eventually, even though right now it's impossible.

It's all about changing habits, nothing else. If I need to get back to better, it's all about doing, thinking, acting, being better, period. That's all. It's time to make peace with myself.