#anyway yeah i know it's stupid but i'm sad and need to get it out

[lucy-shining-star]

Eh I shouldn't be sad because of that

[anirudhpisharody]

.

[writingouthere]

friendswithbenefits!Sukuna x reader. Your friend Yuuji sets you up on a date with his co-worker to help you get over your recent slump, not knowing that his dear older brother had ended it months ago.

cw: none really, some possessive behavior

"He's really great though, I swear!"

"What does 'really great' entail, exactly?"

"Well he's nice! Like, super nice."

You waited to see if there was any more information and when there didn't appear to be any forthcoming, pushed your friend. "Yuuji, I'm going to need a little bit more than that."

Yuuji seemed to think about this for a second and as he did you snuck some dumplings off his plate. He'd taken more than his fair share of the take out anyway.

You loved Yuuji, he was one of the most genuinely kind people you'd ever met. He just happened to have terrible taste in men, aside from his own boyfriend.

"Well, when I got lost the other day, he gave me directions and they were super helpful!"

"Wait, did you find this guy on the street? Are you setting me up with a stranger?" It wouldn't surprise you, Yuuji tended to adopt human beings the way a normal person might adopt stray cats. You couldn't complain too much since it's how the two of you had ended up being friends, but it didn't necessarily mean that whoever he'd picked up off the side of the road this time was your one true love.

"No, no, he works in the school too. He teaches like history or something. He just teaches in the upperclassmen building, so I don't see him that much."

"So he gave you directions after you got lost in your own place of work?"

Yuuji either doesn't hear your tone or he chooses to ignore it. "Yeah, really nice dude. He's also good friends with Maki, so you know he must respect women."

That was actually pretty persuasive. Maki would never put up with any man who was a piece of shit, maybe there was something here.

"Is he cute?"

Yuuji scratched his head and tried to take some dumplings off your plate while you blocked him with your chopsticks.

"I mean I guess, he always looks kind of sad but you're into that right?" You blocked his attempts at stealing your dumplings with a little more aggression than necessary at that.

"I am not!"

Yuuji hummed unimpressed, chewing on the dumpling he'd managed to snatch away while you argued. Thief.

"He's like a little taller than me, pretty eyes and he's stronger than he looks. He actually beat me in some sparring matches last year when the teachers competed." You listened even as you scowled at the way Yuuji said all this with his mouth still full of stolen food. He swallowed and gave you a mischievous smirk. "He has really nice hands too."

"Yuuji!"

"They're big and his fingers are long but not too skinny, they kind of remind me of Megumi's-"

"Who the fuck are you talking about?"

You stiffened as Yuuji's older brother walked in, scratching his bare midriff since he seemed to have once again forgot that wearing shirts was an expected human behavior. Even though he was only a few years older than you and Yuuji, he always seemed larger than life. Maybe because you had known him for so long.

"Yuuta, this guy I work with," Yuuji said, pouting when his brother stole some of the food off his plate. Served him right. "Hey! I asked you if you wanted anything before I ordered it."

"And I told you, I don't want any of this garbage. I'm just sampling," Sukuna said as he popped another piece of chicken in his mouth.

"Go eat your stupid healthy food then and leave our garbage alone," Yuuji protested pushing the plate out of Sukuna's reach. Naturally, this led to Sukuna shoving Yuuji's head into the table as he reached over and stole more food off the tray in the middle.

"So why are you talking about Yuuta's hands anyway. You and Fushiguro finally call it quits?" Sukuna's tone was casual but you had once seen him knock out a guy for groping Megumi in a club. If the day came where Yuuji and Megumi actually broke up, you think he might take turns knocking sense into both of them.

"Mnat mor me."

"Huh," Sukuna said even as he kept Yuuji's face pressed to the table. You rolled your eyes.

"He's saying that he's not the one interested, he's trying to set me up with him." You tried to push down the guilt you felt as you spoke after all you had nothing to be guilty about.

There was a flash of something in Sukuna's eyes but it was gone before you could identify it and with one last shove that had Yuuji groaning, he let him up.

"That hurt, you bastard!"

"Not an insult, I'm literally a bastard," Sukuna said and Yuuji rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, anyway, back to helping you get laid-"

"Hey!"

"-I'll let Yuuta know you'll meet him at six?"

"Can you make it eight, only old people eat at six." Yuuji nods and goes to type something in his phone. There's an awkward silence that he doesn't seem to notice and you can't help but look at Sukuna who hasn't taken his eyes off you.

"Didn't realize you were so desperate," Sukuna says and Yuuji doesn't look up from his phone before throwing a punch at him. Sukuna dodges, his eyes still on you.

"There's nothing wrong with going on a date," you say and you wonder who you're convincing. "It has been a while since a nice guy took me out."

"Ah right, I forgot you liked nice guys." His tone is too knowing and you feel yourself flush.

"Stop picking on her, Sukuna. Don't you need to be going to the gym, anyway?" Yuuji asks, finally putting down his phone. He seems to attribute the current tension for you and Sukuna's usual animosity. You wonder if that's all there is to it. Sukuna scoffs and walks back to his room. You still weren't sure why he'd even come out in the first place.

"Whatever, you two have fun planning the wedding," he says, his tone making your hackles rise.

"Say hi to Uraume for me," Yuuji calls back, oblivious. "Tell them I still want a rematch after last week."

Sukuna waves a hand before shutting the door to his room. Yuuji turns back to you and the two of you talk about other topics while your mind wanders.

You weren't doing anything wrong. Were you?

You and Yuuji decide to meet up with Megumi and Nobara for a movie before you need to get ready for your date. While Yuuji goes to his room to change, you head to the kitchen to clean up the remains of lunch.

You're putting some glasses in the sink when you feel a warm presence at your back. You can't hold back your sigh as a familiar pair of thick arms comes to wrap around your waist and a pair of lips presses gently against your neck.

"I haven't seen you in forever," Sukuna murmurs, the movement of his lips against your neck sending a familiar pulse of want to your core. You tell yourself not to let the soft gesture get to you. He never did shit like this without a purpose and his usual purpose isn't going to be fulfilled with Yuuji in the next room.

"You saw me last week, Sukuna," you remind him before leaning away from him to close the dishwasher. His hands slip down to your hips and you just know he's staring at your ass. You roll your eyes even as he pulls you back to him once you're standing. His hands pressing into the curve of your hips, putting pressure on them in that way that makes you melt.

"That's too long, princess. I was getting lonely," he teases and you feel him smirk against your cheek. "You must be lonely too."

"Actually I'm just fine," you tell him but you tilt your head so he can kiss the skin of your face, your neck, the parts of your shoulders revealed by the stretched collar of your old t-shirt. You let him lull you into a false sense of security before he reminds you why that's a bad idea.

"Really? I just assumed you felt lonely and that's why you were agreeing to go on dates with losers you've never even met."

There it was. This was why you couldn't let Sukuna get soft with you. He never did it without returning your vulnerability with malice.

"Sukuna," you say and you go to pull his arms off you but he pushes you into the counter, you wince as the cold stone presses against your body. "Let go of me." Your tone is calm even as emotions band their way across your throat.

"I would, but you seem to get lost when I let you out of my sights. I mean you're going to go on a date with some high school teacher?"

"Your brother literally has the same job?"

"Well, are you going to fuck my brother too?"

"For fuck's sake, Sukuna, get off me!"

Sukuna does let you go but only so he can turn you to face him.

Sukuna doesn't get mad the way normal people do. Usually he's just amused, maybe even mildly annoyed, but blatant rage isn't his thing. After your years of-acquaintanceship? light antagonism?-friendship, you recognized this as the stage where he was about to make his insults increasingly personal until you needed to go cry in the bathroom later.

"We are not dating," you tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"Obviously."

"Therefore, I can go on dates with other people."

"I don't give a fuck if you go on dates with other people."

"Great, because I'm going to go on this date tonight."

"Good for you."

"Yes, yes it is good for me!"

"You seem really happy with your choices," Sukuna goads in that tone of his. You hate that tone.

"I am. I don't plan on just accepting whatever scraps some loser will throw me when there are actually decent guys who want a real relationship."

Sukuna narrows his eyes at you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I wasn't being subtle," you tell him before leaning back against the counter. Going for casual, knowing you're not quite hitting it. "Don't worry, I don't hold it against you. You can't give what you don't have, you know?"

"No, I don't know," Sukuna bites out and if he was anyone else, you would think you'd hurt his feelings but this wasn't anyone else and there was no way something you said bother him.

"You're just not a relationship person and that's-that's fine, I knew that before we started this thing. It's just, sometimes I want more." You soften your tone from earlier but it doesn't do anything to relieve the tension between the two of you.

"And this, Yuka is going to give you that?" He sounds bitter and he's not touching you. You'd been the one to tell him to back off but you couldn't remember the last time he hadn't had his hands on you in some way when it was just the two of you.

"I think his name was Yuuta," you correct before his expression tells you this is the wrong step.

"Right, okay. You know what, you go on your date and have the best time with Yuuta. I got places to be."

He brushes past you and goes back to his room just as Yuuji opens the door to his.

"Geez, what's his problem?" He asks as he makes his way over to you. You shrug your shoulders and he takes your lack of response as just your normal discontent with his brother and wraps his arm around your shoulder. "Don't let him get to you, he's just a dick."

"I know," you tell him and you do. You know Sukuna's true nature better than most.

You two make your way out of the apartment so you can make your movie and you try to ignore the guilt you feel as Yuuji talks to you.

"You know, he's actually been in a better mood the past few months. I think he might actually be seeing someone. Can you imagine who would be crazy enough to actually date that asshole?"

new series? wrote this to get the rust off so we'll see.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

6: A FINE LINE

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

You and Bucky deal with the fallout of the undercover mission.

Word count 2.7k

Warnings: Nightmares, angry girlfriends, Steve and Nat being besties to idiots

You were blissfully oblivious to the world while you slept for the whole quinjet flight, waking only as the small plane touched down the runway outside the compound.

"Sorry," Bucky grimaced as you woke with a gasp.

"Are we home?" 

You turned to look at him. As he nodded, you noticed the dark circles under his eyes, accentuated by the lines of worry across his forehead. He was looking at you with so much apprehension, that you almost reached out to comfort him. Almost. The memories of the previous night came flooding back and sadness filled your heart again.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

You ignored his question in favor of your own. "Did you fly all the way back without stopping?"

"Yeah," he nodded, his chest swelled with pride that you had noticed what he had done for you.

"That was a dangerous thing to do. You're exhausted." Bucky's face fell but you continued to chastise him anyway. "What if something happened? Are you trying to get us both killed?"

The long sleep had done nothing to improve your mood, you felt sluggish and now you were hungry to boot.

Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times, before the word ‘sorry' came out in a whisper. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But you did."

The uncomfortable silence between you was broken by a crackle on the radio. "Everything okay in there?" Steve's voice sounded over the radio. 

"Yes!" you answered, hitting the button to open the aft exit hatch.

You stood up, the blanket fell off your shoulders and sent a shiver down your spine. You were still only wearing a bikini. Bending down, you picked up the blanket, covering yourself and stalking out of the plane. Bucky followed a few steps behind you. 

Steve took one look at you and knew that things weren't right but he was saved the hassle of finding a polite way of letting you know how rough you looked. 

"You two look like shit!" Nat appeared from behind Steve. "Why did Tony say everything was fine?"

"We got everything we needed but… the getaway was a little bumpy and my stomach didn't do so well," you pouted.

Natasha put her arm around your waist. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," she said, leading you away.

Once you were out of earshot of the boys, she rounded on you. "What happened out there?"

"What?" You are taken aback by the tone of her question.

"Come on, don't give me the innocent act. Something happened between you and Barnes."

You sighed deeply. Bucky's words played in your mind on a loop. You felt deflated. "Do you think I'm a bad friend?"

"Oh sweetie, no one would ever suggest anything of the sort."

"I said something, I knew he wouldn't like it. And he got really mad and said some really awful things."

"What did he say?"

You couldn't bring yourself to repeat his words, even though they were burned into your brain. For some reason, you still felt the urge to protect Bucky. Logically, you knew he didn't deserve it, but your heart, the stupid organ that loved him unconditionally, had more sway over you in that moment. "It doesn't matter."

You were saved from further interrogation as your stomach rumbled loudly.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up and fed. You can rest after that."

"Nat, did the intel pan out?"

"Yeah," your friend grinned at you. "You did good."

You felt a smile tug at your lips, at least you had been able to achieve something of use. Even if you had tanked your friendship in the process.

*

Meanwhile, back in the hangar bay, Steve was having a similar conversation with Bucky.

"Well I’m assuming from the way you’re both acting, something happened between you two."

"You’re a punk, you know that." Bucky huffed.

"And you’re a jerk." Steve quipped fondly.

"I was a jerk. I think I’ve ruined everything."

"What happened?"

Bucky was too ashamed of the words he had used. His soul burned with shame at the spite he had felt. He had never understood why people used the phrase ‘a fine line between love and hate’, until now. Because in that moment, for the briefest of milliseconds, Bucky had hated you; for what you’d said to him, but mostly because you didn’t love him back. He wanted to give you the world, and you wouldn’t take it. His heart was broken and you had offered to mend it, only to break it again. He would do anything to quash that feeling, shove it back inside a bottle, put a cork in it and throw it out into the deepest of oceans.

Hatred was the feeling that surrounded him as the Winter Soldier. He was hated by his keepers and hated by the world around him. Now it had crept into his soul and stained his thoughts of you. Worst of all, he hated himself for the things he had said to you.

"I think I’m going to lose her."

"Bucky, just tell her how you feel about her."

"I can’t. Not anymore, not after this."

"Bucky-"

"Would you just drop it, Steve? Why’re you so keen on this? Are you trying to get me to destroy everything so you can have her all to yourself?" Bucky rounded on Steve, unleashing his anger on the only other person who had stuck by him unyieldingly.

Steve just looked back at him, pity filling his eyes. He knew how badly Bucky was hurting. Meeting the person who you love more than anything else in life and not being able to be with them, he had suffered the same pain when he had woken from the ice, knowing that he would never get to dance with Peggy in his lifetime.

Bucky’s anger had flared suddenly and was equally as quick to dissipate, his shoulders sagging from sheer exhaustion. He had been up for almost thirty turbulence filled hours. He needed rest. Steve put a hand on his shoulder, waving away Bucky’s attempts to apologize. He guided him back to his room, requesting that FRIDAY have someone send food to his room. Steve sat on his bed, waiting while Bucky showered. Despite the powerful shower sounds coming from the bathroom, Steve could hear you and Nat talking. He couldn’t make out your words, but he heard the gravity of your tone. 

"Oh Buck," he sighed quietly.

Nat left you just before Bucky came out of the shower. Bucky looked surprised that Steve was still here.

"You need to eat." Steve pointed at the meal that someone had delivered. He started unpacking it for Bucky.

"I’m tired. I should sleep," he said pointedly, indicating that he wanted Steve to leave.

Steve picked up the sandwich and handed it to Bucky. "Eat this and I’ll leave you alone."

Bucky complied. He was good at that. He finished the grilled cheese sandwich without any enjoyment, the bread tasting like sandpaper in his dry mouth. "Happy?" he asked, gruffly.

Steve didn’t answer, leaving Bucky to the solace he sought. Not that Steve’s departure did anything to assuage the guilt that had seeped deep into Bucky’s bones. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from his bed, glancing at the door, almost as though Steve would sneak back in. When no one appeared, he spread the blanket on the floor and lay down on it, closing his eyes on the world that was filled with pain. 

Unfortunately for Bucky, his subconscious offered him no relief. His mind was tired, his emotions ruled the roost and left him susceptible for the nightmares to invade. They seeped in with stealth and gripped him like a vice.

It was midnight when a noise woke you. You startled, breathing heavily as your eyes darted around in the darkness, body immediately on high alert. It always took a few days to let the safety of your environment lull your body into a sense of security. You listened carefully for signs of disruption, but for several moments there was only silence. Just as your heart rate settled, you heard it again, much clearer this time and you knew exactly what it was and where it was coming from.

Without thinking, you shot out of bed and rapped your knuckles against Bucky's bedroom door. He didn't answer, he never did when he was like this. Fortunately, you were an old hat to this routine. You crouched on the floor, calling his name gently until his eyes opened. The moonlight flooded through his uncovered window and you moved to an angle where he could see you. Only when his eyes focused on you, did you touch him, lay a comforting hand on his arm.

Bucky sat up slowly, eyes filled with unshed tears as he gazed at you sorrowfully. The anguish in his face was unbearable and you found yourself wrapping your arms around his neck tightly. His arms wormed their way around your waist holding you in a tight embrace, one you never wanted to leave. His warmth, his sturdiness was your strength, your pillar. You needed him just as he needed you. 

You didn't have any plans on moving and Bucky made no move to let you go, but eventually your body protested. You were sitting on your lower legs and the pressure on them reduced the blood flow leading to a painful tingling which started in your toes and was spreading upwards. Maybe a little wiggle would help restore your feeling.

Your movement didn't go unnoticed by Bucky. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking his nose out of your neck. 

"My legs fell asleep," you groaned.

He chuckled in response. "Need to get up?"

You nodded, wobbling to your feet like a baby deer standing for the first time. Once you had recovered your balance and the tingling had ceased to be painful, you jumped up and down a few times for good measure. "Human body wasn't made for this. Come?" You held out your hand for him.

He took it without hesitation. "Where’re we going?" 

"Not far." You led him to the bed. "I thought we'd put a stop to this." You pointed at the floor.

"Sorry," he whispered.

You sighed, jerking your head towards the bed indicating that he should get in. Dubiously he followed your instruction, relieved that you chose to get in beside him rather than running away. He pulled the duvet up to cover your legs and you sank into the pillows beside him. It was so much easier to be close to him physically than emotionally these days.

Bucky was looking at you, you could feel his gaze but you didn't return it, not knowing what to say. He solved your problem by initiating the conversation.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. But maybe we can discuss your driving skills some time. They need some work."

"I'm sorry for…" he sighed. "For everything."

"Do you really think I'm a slut?"

"No!" His answer came back so fast, there was really no room for doubt. The way his eyes stared into yours, you could feel his regret.

After a few moments of contemplative silence you asked him another question. "Since when do you watch porn, Bucky? I mean, we used to spend all our time together. And it’s not with Steve, I know that much."

"Well sometimes, when Sam, Clint and Tony-"

"Say no more."

"I didn’t think they were realistic, but on the mission, when you started talking like that… it made me wonder if it’s real, and if I’m not doing things right. I mean, what if I’m not good enough, you know? And I was angry. I mean I know it was wrong, I knew it would hurt you. But… you hurt me and … I wanted to hurt you back." Bucky hung his head with the admission.

"I’m sorry about that… I just - it’s just, she makes me feel like I’m not your favorite person anymore and I hate that."

"You’re jealous?"

You shrug. What could you say, of course you were jealous, your insides were withering and dying from the envy that consumed you.

"But you’re never jealous of anything, or anyone!" Bucky carried on, not being able to read your expression in the darkness.

"You have to care enough to be envious of somebody."

"You care about me?" he smiled.

"If you didn’t already know that, you’re dumber than I thought."

Bucky chuckled, but it turned into a sigh. "I’m sorry for calling you a slut."

"I’m sorry for mocking your girlfriend. Just so you know, Priya seems like the kind of person who will let you know if she isn't pleased. Can't imagine she would just lie there and take it."

"Yeah she probably would. I guess you don’t get to her position without being able to speak up for yourself."

"Her position?"

"She just got promoted to head of pediatric surgery. That’s a big deal, right?"

The little green monster inside you growled angrily, amplifying your feelings of inadequacy. "Yeah, that’s pretty impressive," you answered softly. "Congratulations to her."

Bucky curled up beside you, burying his head against your shoulder. "Thanks, Cricket," he muttered, drowsily.

His voice was low and tired and a wave of guilt washed over you. He was trying. You could see how hard he was trying to be a good boyfriend and a good friend. "Go to sleep, Bucky."

"Night." It was surprising how quickly he fell asleep. Even super soldiers needed time to recover.

Once his breathing was shallow and even, you whispered back to him. "Goodnight, Bucky. I love you." You closed your eyes and joined him in slumberland.

*

"Jamie?"

Priya’s voice floated into your ear, waking you.

"Jamie!"

The bed shook as Bucky shot up from his position beside you and you opened your eyes to see a very pissed off looking girlfriend standing at the end of Bucky’s bed.

"Priya!" Bucky exclaimed.

"What’s happening here?" Her voice was quiet, forceful, dripping with anger.

"Look, it’s not what this looks like," Bucky protested.

Priya rounded on you. "Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, Priya. I’m not sleeping- we didn’t have sex," you said emphatically. "We just fell asleep, we were talking and it was two in the morning and..."

Priya’s eyes narrowed and she looked between you and Bucky. "Talking? At two in the morning? Steve said you got home yesterday afternoon."

Bucky jumped in, trying to diffuse the tension. “It’s not like that, Priya. Cricket was just… I had a nightmare and… well,” he shrugged. “We fell asleep. I haven’t had one in a long time. I know you haven’t seen what it’s like, and I’m grateful for that.”

Priya crossed her arms, clearly not buying it. "And you couldn’t go back to your own room after you woke him up from the bad dream?"

You could see the hurt in Priya’s eyes, and you felt guilty for being the cause of it. She had never been outright unkind to you, in fact she had tried being friendly, tried getting to know you. You were the one who had shut her out.

"For what it’s worth, Bucky is the most trustworthy person I know. He would never do something like that to you. I promise that nothing physical has ever happened between us. I’m not a slut. But, I’m going to go,” you said quietly, “let you guys talk."

Bucky hesitated, looking from you to Priya. His heart sank as he processed the words you had spoken, he knew he had hurt you deeply with his words and his heart ached with regret.

She sighed, her anger softening slightly. "Fine, explain."

Bucky took a deep breath, his eyes pleading with Priya. "I know this looks bad, but Cricket is just a friend, I swear. I would never do anything to hurt you."

Priya looked at him for a long moment before finally nodding. "Okay, I believe you. But don’t let it happen again, Bucky."

Bucky nodded, relief flooding his face. "I won’t, I promise."

You stood up, feeling like an intruder in their moment. "I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sorry for causing any trouble."

Priya gave you a small smile. "It’s okay, Cricket. Thank you for being honest."

As you walked out of the room, you could help but feel another pang of jealousy. Since Priya had come into your life, you were on the outside, always looking in. Would you ever be more than you'd always been?

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[inkskinned]

something that stuck with me once, way back in middle school when i was still learning how to write - my teacher said "writing shock and tragedy is easy, it's humor that's the hardest."

i have been up and down the halls of academia. i have the fancy degree and the experience in publishing. i think i paved most of my own road with the little bricks of sorrow i had stored inside of me. i know i did it mostly with works that are blisteringly lonely. i know why we write like that. it's lifesaving.

but yeah, i mean. i also know how much people think that "sad" media is the same thing as "good" media. our human desire to connect is so hard-pressed that we immediately latch onto any broken themes. the bullied kids and the tales of inspiration. people keep saying things like "glass onion" and "everything everywhere" weren't actually good. because, you know, they're. happy. or happy-ish. happy enough. and we only value art if it's grimdark-adjacent.

do you know - people still consistently whine at me that my writing would be so good if i just capitalized things. i used to flinch. i get kind of a weird, vindictive little rush these days - i get to say thank you for the comment! i have chronic pain and this is how i conserve my hands so i can write more during the day :) grammar isn't real anyway! and now they're trapped in the room with me, you know? i get to pull out my map and show them how grammar is not the same thing as good writing.

writers have this thing. we scratch at our insides, constantly, prying our lives apart into splinters. prying the splinters apart into atoms. when we combust something into poetry, we control it. it cannot hurt us if it exists outside of us rather than burning a hole through the bottom of our lungs. it's not a wonder to me that so much of what i make comes out like a death gasp. i spent a long time at the bottom. i keep going back, too. when you're down there for so long, the only thing you can exhale is fumes.

but humor is hard. humor needs timing; which i can't promise in a paragraph. i can kind-of force it through careful spacing, but i have no idea how fast you're reading these things. humor needs a somewhat awareness of your audience, when really - anybody could be looking. humor needs us to understand what the joke is, why it's a joke, and to think - ha! that is funny. in tragedy, everyone understands the metaphor of a kicked puppy. in humor, you need to introduce them to the concept of a dog.

and forget about positivity. forget about anything not made for adults explicitly. every time i see a well-made children's media piece, i feel fucking horrible for the creators. most of the time, people see children's media as being sort of "not worth" applause, even though i'm pretty sure they have to work twice as hard. i have no idea how hard it must be to not be able to have your character just say. "well, fuck." something about a message of peace or friendship or caring - for some reason, that makes the media not for adults. like, okay. i'm pretty sure my father actually, out of all of us, could use a good book on how to control his temper and talk about his feelings.

but whatever. i write a short story about my ocd, and how it's fucking killing me. it gets an award. it gets published. i write a short story about my ocd, and how i'm overcoming it, and how my days are getting lighter and starting to flourish. i keep getting ghosted. no response. it just is lacking... something.

is this it, forever? you can be an artist, okay. but the trade off is that the things you make - if they're happy? if they're joyful? people will say it's stupid and pandering. you bite your nails off. you file your teeth. you hear something inside of you breaking.

the other day in a writing group, someone i'd thought of as a friend said: "you write so much better these days! i love what you make when you'd rather be dead."

[deepfrost-citadel]

"You know," Xisuma said, peering cautiously over Cub's shoulder at the museum's latest addition, "When you said you wanted to show me a new exhibit, I wasn't expecting…" He trailed off.

Evil Xisuma glowered at him from inside their enclosure.

"…This."

To say Evil X looked a little miffed about the situation would be an understatement. At least Cub had done a nice job decorating, Xisuma thought, between the blackstone and crimson wood, Evil X looked right at home - if they weren't sitting grumpily in their 2-by-1 lava pool, surrounded by the mangled remains of whatever Cub had put in there for enrichment.

"Surprise!" Cub grinned, doing jazz hands at the enclosure, "I know what you might be thinking-"

Xisuma doubted that somehow.

"- 'Cub, Evil Xisuma hasn't done anything this season! They aren't a historic artefact! They shouldn't be in a museum!' But!" Cub wagged a finger triumphantly, "They are important to the history of Hermitcraft as a whole. So really, if you think about it, they definitely belong in a museum."

"… Okay?"

"Glad we're on the same page."

Xisuma wasn't sure if anyone was ever on the same page as Cub. Except maybe Scar.

"Now! As you can see, I've been decorating their enclosure, trying to add some interactive elements for guests and such." Cub pointed towards a line of redstone lamps at the top of Evil Xisuma's enclosure, "These show you how much electricity they're generating when they do their lightning hands thing. I'll be honest with you, it's broken a few times already so it's still a work in progress-"

"… Is that what all the lightning rods are for?" Xisuma frowned, eyeing the entirely lightning rod-ed ceiling.

"It is indeed!" Cub said, ignoring the twinge of concern in Xisuma's voice, "Well, a little. Mostly it's a safety thing, it wouldn't be good to have guests being electrocuted, now would it?"

"I suppose not… And it definitely works?"

"Oh yeah, it's been very thoroughly tested. Hey, Evil Xisuma," Cub walked up to the glass and tapped on it a few times, much to Xisuma's silent horror, "Wanna show X how the lightning rods work?"

In response, Evil Xisuma stuck their middle finger up at him and yelled something muffled to almost inaudibility that sounded a little like: "When I get out of here, I'm going to rip your head off and use it as a coffee mug, you stupid e-boy twink."

The pair on the other side of the glass blinked.

"… That's a no then." Cub turned back to Xisuma, "They do this a lot."

"They certainly do," Xisuma nodded faintly.

"You can probably tell the glass is uh... Mostly noise-cancelling, had to install that because Helsknight is in the next enclosure over and he's still hibernating. You know how Wels gets when you wake him up early, don't wanna find out how that guy is."

"… Of course," Xisuma sighed, pinching the nose bridge of his helmet, "Do I want to know how you got hold of those two?"

Cub laughed in the slightly unhinged way that gave Xisuma visions of Cub spending several weeks toying with the evil hermits as he hunted them for sport, "Nah man, it's not an interesting story."

Somehow, Xisuma doubted that.

"Anyway," Cub said, changing the topic before Xisuma could ask if he knew there was still someone's blood on his left sleeve, "What I really called you for is that I need an Evil Xisuma expert, and you're the man to ask about all things Evil Xisuma."

"Except for Evil Xisuma."

"Except for Evil Xisuma, yes." Cub nodded sagely, "So. Obviously I wanna make sure everything is nice for our new residents, give them plenty of enrichment and all that, but it hasn't been working out so far."

"I can see that."

"Soo… Any suggestions? What kind of thing does Evil X like? Food? Blocks? I dunno, fake derpcoin or something?"

Xisuma hummed, tilting his head in thought as he gazed at Evil Xisuma, who had clambered out of the lava pool to press their hands against the glass and give Xisuma the saddest, most pathetic puppy dog eyes their LED screen could muster (which, admittedly, were very sad and pathetic) in a silent plea to not leave them here with that madman, they'll be good for realsies this time they promise-

"Well," Xisuma said, turning to Cub, "They like to knit, so maybe they'd like some wool… Oh! And if you can find any old Wormman merch, they'll love that too."

Evil Xisuma's head hit the glass with a despairing thunk.

[rogueddie]

Steve doesn't really mind the jokes about his intelligence. Not anymore, anyway. He's gotten used to them. Even when they did get to him, he knew that they were just playing. Kid shit.

But he slowly starts to notice... El always watches for his reaction. Almost like she's waiting for something.

So, he starts to watch her too.

He's more subtle about it though. She turns her whole head and body towards him, pointedly staring.

But Steve leans, casual as always, tilting just enough to see her out the corner of his eye. He isn't able to get a great read on her like that, but he sees enough.

He slowly realizes that the insults that he's getting are upsetting her.

When Dustin dismisses his questions because they're stupid, her hand twitches just before she turns to him.

When Mike calls him an idiot, she flinches, almost jerking around to look at him. Her hands stay on the edge of her chair, gripping tight enough to whiten her knuckles.

When Max scoffs at his suggestion, talking louder, as though his ideas are too stupid to consider... Els hands shake. She moves slower whenever it's Max making the cutting remarks, as though they cut deeper.

It's when Hopper joins in, patronising when he ruffles Steve's hair and tells him that 'yeah kid, they know, he's the jock. He's the sports guy, not the brains'.

The noise El makes is too quiet for Steve to really hear. All he knows is that she sounds... wounded. Upset.

"Alright," Steve finally says. He slams his glass down on the table. "That's enough. You've had your fun. The dumb jokes stop here."

"Don't be such a baby," Mike scoffs. "They're just jokes."

"And they're not funny anymore, so cut it out."

"Steve, c'mon-" Dustin starts.

"No. Nope. Nuh-uh. I'm putting my foot down."

"It's not our fault you ask dumb questions!" Mike says.

"Hey, it might be," Max says, smirking slightly. "He's taken a lot of hits to the head for us."

El jumps to her feet, suddenly enough that it startles everyone into silence. She opens her mouth a few times, visibly struggling to speak.

She turns to Steve gesturing for him to follow her.

When the others get up at the same time, trying to follow as well, she finally finds her words.

"No!" She snaps. "You stay here. I am going to talk to Steve."

"What's wrong?" Mike asks, stepping closer, despite her glare. "El?"

"You are wrong."

She grabs Steve's wrist, leading him into her room. She sits on the bed, smiling a little when he sits next to her.

"You need me to be quiet for a minute?" He asks, voice hushed.

"Yes."

Steve nods, giving her a reassuring smile. He looks around her room while he waits for her to gather her thoughts, determined to wait as long as she needs and-

"Holy shit, is that a diorama of the solar system?!" He jumps up, excited, hunching over so he can look at it closer. "What the- El, this is amazing! Did you make this?"

"Oh, yeah. It is ok." Her smile is a little timid, hands shifting into her lap so she can pick at her nails.

Steve doesn't notice, looking back to the diorama. "This is amazing - I know, I already said that, but... Jesus, El."

"Thank you, Steve." Her voice is stiff, stilted- sad.

Right, Steve remembers, cringing at himself.

"Sorry, uh... I'll... I'll shut up now."

"No. It's nice. Will helped me a lot but he won't to let me tell anyone."

"I won't tell," he crosses his heart. "You doing ok?"

"No."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"They are mean to you."

"They are."

El narrows her eyes at him, frustrated. "They should not be mean to you."

"You're right."

She looks even more frustrated, but Steve thinks that this is his best little technique of getting people to talk. Especially about emotions. It works on Eddie like a charm.

"I do not like when they are mean to you."

"Why?"

"Because it is not nice!"

"You're right, it isn't."

"They are supposed to be your friends!" El jumps to her feet, voice raised so much that the others can undoubtedly hear her. "They are supposed to be my friends! I do not understand either! If you are an idiot, so am I!"

"So, you're upset because they think you're stupid?"

"No! I know they do not think I am stupid! They are being mean! They are being bullies!"

Steve nods, pausing for a long moment, waiting for her to calm down a little.

"You remember what Eddie told you about bullies?"

"They are sad with themselves so they have to make others miserable too so they can feel better." She glances at the door. "He also called them assholes."

"Do you think that's what they're doing?"

She considers that for a second, before shaking her head. "No. They... do not understand."

"They're not going to understand if we don't talk to them." He raises an eyebrow when she frowns. "You could stay here, let me do the talking?"

"No. I will talk to them. You are too nice."

"Alright," Steve snorts, gesturing to the door. "Let's give 'em he'll."

part two

[topmalereaderblog]

You deserve better // Miguel O'Hara 🌸🚨⚠️

Theme(s): Fluff / Angst / Mature

Warning(s): Infidelity, abuse, realization, jealous Miguel, happy ending.

Summary: Miguel hates it when people have everything and are still ungrateful for what they have that person being his co-worker, your husband.

Parts: Part 2 / Part 3

Words: 1.6k

Miguel hated when people were ungrateful it got him upset, and today, he was upset at his co-worker, your husband. You and Miguel met at an Alchemax event. You were alone but held confidence, and when he got to know you, he was surprised, to say the least.

How did someone like your husband end up with some like yourself? You were both complete opposites. You looked well built, confident, a little intimidating, sure but kind no the less. As for your husband, well, he was a chum he was well built like yourself, but his attitude was distasteful, just like a lot of the other jerks that worked here, and as you both talked through the event he got to learn more about you.

(Flashback)

"Can I ask a question?" Miguel said hesitantly.

"Sure," you smiled at him.

"How did you and C/W/N meet? I mean, you don't have to tell me. I'm just curious."

"No, it's fine. we went to the same college together, and I know it might sound touché but we pledged the same frat house."

"Mm, sorry for asking. It's just that you're both so-."

"Different," you finished for him "Yeah he wasn't always like this. We have our good days and bad days like any other couple he's a good guy to me for the most part of it. I guess I just need to try harder," you said, turning to look at your husband he was chatting with a woman.

Miguel could only remember your face that day. You look a little sad, and the more he got to see the way your husband treated you, the more it made him mad for you. You were a catch, at least that's what Miguel thought you often brought your husband lunch, which he usually gave away or through it out in the garbage.

According to Miguel, he felt lucky to try your food after his co-worker offered him the lunch you made for him and fuck was it good.

"Miguel, do you want it? I was gonna through it out but might as well ask."

He started at the lunch box in front of him, "Sure."

"Cool, just give me the box afterward. My husband tends to over due it on lunches." He said, walking away.

When Miguel opened the box, he was impressed the food smelled good, and there was clearly a lot of dedication and love put into it. He picked up the note that was on top of one of the tupperware.

*Love you so much C/W/N I have a late shift today at the station, so I might take a while to get home ill see you later maybe if your up to it we can go to the gym when I return or watch something anyways love you have a good day at work - ❤️❤️❤️ *

Miguel placed the small note to the side, re-reading it periodically while he finished the lunch you prepared.

"Here it was amazing." Miguel said, handing the lunch box back.

"Oh, that's good."

"He also left you this," he said, grabbing the note from his pocket.

"Can you through it for me? I have somewhere to be right now," he said, walking away with the lunch box in hand.

He didn't through it he kept it in a small drawer even though it wasn't for him. The note was sweet he often day dreamed of you bringing him lunch instead of C/W/N. Wait, day dreamed what was he thinking you were a married man and taken he can't be think of you this way but he was as the day went by he often got to eat your prepared lunches keeping the notes you left inside.

The part that made him get annoyed with your husband was when he was bragging about you to his colleagues.

"So wait, he just does whatever you want?"

"Meh, sometimes if I ask for something like massages, he does it, but things like sex are rarer. He is not bad, both top and bottom, but doesn't mean I can't have some side action, " your husband said while the other laughed.

"He's such a stupid guy," one of the colleagues said while they continued to laugh.

Miguel only reacted when he felt the ink in his pen start to spread in his hand, cleaning himself up before it tried.

One day, Miguel bumped into you in the grocery story, and gosh, you looked amazing. You were wearing your cop uniform as you recognized him.

"Hey Miguel, right?" you said, extending your hand out to him.

"Yeah, nice to see you again. How are you?"

"I'm good for the most part. I just got out of a shift, so I'm free for today. I was gonna spend time with C/W/N, but he went out with a friend, but anyways, what about you."

"I've been here and there, nothing much really."

"Mm I- I was gonna get ice cream your welcome to join me if you want."

"Sure, but I'll probably have to leave. I've been really tired this past week." He said walk with you to the cash register bags in hand.

"That's fine. Everyone needs a break sometimes. You look tense. Maybe you should go to a chiropractor sometime it could help."

"Never thought about it."

"Come to my place. I'll give you a massage."

"I wouldn't want to intrude. You're probably gonna be busy later."

"No, I insist I'm basically free this weekend, and C/W/N is gone to. It'll be nice to have a friend around, " you said, smiling at him.

"Okay," he signed out. "At what time I don't mind going after we get ice cream, but I'll need to leave my bags at my house."

"That's fine, how about 6 pm."

"Sounds good," he said as you parted away to get to your cars.

After that day you and miguel became good friends often going to the gym togther since your partner didn't want to go but not only that, somewhere within Miguel, jealousy sprouted, he was jealous of what his co-worker had.

Your place was homey and comfy after the massage you made dinner, and it was amazing, but he also felt pain knowing he didn't have this someone who would treat him like this someone to look forward to. You were amazing, and you deserved better.

It took a couple of months, but one day, you invited Miguel over he was oblivious to what he was gonna walk into as he made his way over to your door and knocked. No answer.

He thought you forgot and started walking away till he heard something fall quickly going back to the door and opening it with force he walked in on you on the floor with blood on seeping from your head as your husband had a belt he landed a whip but before he could do it again Miguel stopped him.

"Calm down," he said, raistraining your husband.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house." He said struggling to get out. Miguel let him go and went to aid you. we have to get him to a hospital, and he'll need stitches.

"Do whatever you want." Your husband said, leaving.

Miguel visited often in the hospital his co-working was bo where to be seen for the past couple of days, and a police report was made for what he did to you.

"Hey," Miguel said, entering your room.

"Hi," you replied. "How has work been?" you asked.

"Good, nothing exciting," he said, taking a seat.

"I caught him," you said, looking forward while your head rested. "He was cheating on me. I started the divorce process. it's my fault." You said he could hear the quiver in your voice and the way your eyes filled with tears.

"It wasn't your fault" Miguel didn't know what to say he didn't know what to do either right now he just felt sympathy for you how a big strong and confident guy like you looks so valuable.

"Wasn't it if I wasn't a bad husband if I was good enough, maybe-"

"You aren't." You were cut off by Miguel. "M/N, I know we only know each other for about what half a year, and in that time, you were the most caring husband I've ever met hell alot of the other spouses don't do what you do." He said, placing his hand on your thigh.

"I know this is a bad moment, but if I'm being honest, I- I was jealous of C/W/N after the event I paid more attention to him, and you. He gave me your lunches. I was gonna tell you about it but I didn't know how. I would read the notes you left him they were cute and sweet." He said, looking down.

You stared at him, and you didn't know what to say.

He took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is you deserve better, and I want to be the one to prove to you that I know it too soon." He said getting up.

"All I ask is that when you're ready, give me a chance." He said, walking away with his head down.

"Stay," you said, stopping him from leaving. "It gets lonely here without someone."

"Are you sure I would want to intrude."

"It's nice to have a friend around," you said, scooting over a bit and patting the spot next to you in bed.

This is it. Miguel smiled at you as he walked over and got in bed . He tucked his head under your chin and rested.

"You know you were basically my personal Spiderman," you said, looking down at him.

"Maybe I am," he said, staring at you.

"Well, in that case, you need to wear the suit more often," you said, laughing to yourself.

"Miguel, I'll give you a chance, but I want to move slowly very slowly."

"I'll wait for along as it takes." And with that, you both feel asleep holding each other close, Miguel resting his head on your pecs.

[hsangel64]

bandmates pt. 7 !

pairings: bassist!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: it’s been a couple of weeks and you and ellie were officially together but ellie has been acting suspicious and it feels like you're together only behind closed doors.

warnings: angst angst angst (sorry !!), cussing, slight smut, use of y/n

a/n: i am trying my best to be back and write, ive been in the process of moving and i just got in the mindset to write!! I had a plan for this and then stopped writing this for a while so this series will have more than just a couple of chapters left, i'm not sure yet!! anyways good to be back hope you enjoy!!

you and ellie were doing fine, great even! but only in your guys' room. you have been so happy the past few weeks, but it was starting to feel a little off. you didn't think much of it but that still didn't stop that small anxious pit in your stomach from forming. you liked ellie so much and was so happy this was finally reality that you didn't see the red flags ahead of time.

"do we really have to go to this stupid get together?" ellie whined and you giggled.

"yes unfortunately we do, speaking of which we need to get up really soon to get ready." ellie groaned and turned away from you and got out of bed. she walked over to her closet while pouting and grabbed some clothes considering we were only in underwear....

you sat up and grabbed an outfit from your closet. ellie came up from behind you and kissed your cheek and made her way down to your neck. you giggled and squished her face in your neck, you tried to push her away, but she fought against your small weak nudges.

"ellie we can't, we have to go dina and jesse really want us there to meet these people."

"we could be late." she said in that sultry voice she puts on. you felt a shiver down your spine and so badly wanted to fall for it but you knew how much this meant to dina and didn't want to let her down.

"no els we gotta go i don't want to let dina down." you laughed as she kept kissing you neck and reaching down you back. she turned you around and kissed your lips, you melted into her mouth and couldn't resist the urge to just go for yet another round of the day, but you fought back and slowly pulled away. you gave her that look a sad puppy dog would give and she groaned and then smiled at you.

"ugh fine, only because you're cute and i love you." you let out a small gasp, ellie hadn't said i love you yet. a small smile made it to your face and she smiled back.

"i love you too." you smiled at each other and kissed again, you both went on and got ready for the get together.

----

you two were sitting on the couch together next to dina and jesse at someone's house you didn't know, you just wanted to be home with ellie. the air felt super awkward and ellie felt a little distant. you didn't think much of that until you all introduced yourselves.

"this is ellie and y/n!" dina introduced us to everyone else and they all collectively said hello.

"how did you all meet?" one of the girls asked and ellie answered.

"y/n and i have been friends since before we could remember and met dina and jesse in high school band class. we all became really good friends and formed our band, coastal."

"that's really cool, you guys all seem so close is it just dina and jesse together? some girl asked while making flirty eyes with ellie.

"yeah it is, me and y/n are best friends and i wouldn't have it any other way." your face shifted and you gently whipped your head towards ellie in a questioning way, she was already looking at the girl with that same flirty look and you turned away and excused yourself to the bathroom. dina noticed your change in behavior and decided to follow after you. you quickly made your way to the bathroom before dina could make it in and you closed the door in front of her face.

"babes are you okay? what happened?" you tuned her questions out and your mind drifted. you could tell something was wrong, you knew it felt weird that you two weren't going on dates or that she acted different outside of the dorm. you saw all the red flags but was too oblivious to see what was going on. your eyes slowly filled with tears and you didn't even realize you were crying until you snapped back into reality and heard dina bang on the door.

"hey, are you okay what's going on??" you turned and opened the door, dina gasped and pushed her way into the room seeing your state.

'what's going on, talk to me." she held your face and wiped your tears, you felt so overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't make out the words so you said.

"ellie is an asshole." she looked at you saddened and nodded her head saying i know, she grabbed you and pulled you into her. you silently cried into the crook of her neck and just felt so angry. you were mad at yourself for thinking this was going to work. you didn't want to cry anymore about it so you gently pulled away and turned to the faucet and wiped your face down of the mascara streaks. dina helped you pull yourself together and you both made your way back into the living room. everyone was preoccupied with mario kart on the tv and didn't even notice you two coming back. you sat down on the couch next to jesse and dina occupied the spot next to ellie. she turned over and looked at you and nodded her head asking if you were okay. you looked away and dina pushed her head towards the tv and diverted her attention away from you.

for the rest of the time you guys were there you sat on the couch with your back against the cushion and your head slouched. dina tried her best to stop ellie from talking to you and left you alone till you guys left.

----

when you guys were getting ready to leave you all said your goodbyes and you saw ellie and that girl exchange numbers, you felt sick to your stomach and didn't want to face her in the car. you turned away and walked out of the house without anyone, you guys weren't to far from the dorm so you just decided to walk on your own.

as you walked you made it to the gas station right by the school so you stopped for a slushy. you walked in and grabbed the biggest size, you needed this. you also grabbed some ice cream and made your way out. you sat on the curb for a little and pulled out your phone to a million notifications.

40 texts from ellie, 20 missed calls from dina, it all felt too much. so you texted dina and said you were fine and just decided to walk home. dina proceeded to cuss you out in your texts and raved about how dangerous that was for you to walk alone by yourself. you rolled your eyes and got up from the curb and walked to rest of the way towards the campus.

you found your way back and checked their locations to see they were home so you just knocked on the door. ellie answered and quickly let you in. you made your way to your shared room and grabbed some clothes.

"hey what happened back there?" she quietly asked and you rolled your eyes. you made your way to the shower but not before ellie squeezed her way through the door.

"bee what's wrong?" she grabbed your arm and you felt sick, you pushed her away and started to take your makeup off before your shower. she put her hand back on you and you pushed her away again getting frustrated now.

"why do you keep pushing me away, what happened back there?" you pushed her away hard and felt that tickle in your throat. you grumbled and said wouldn't you like to know under your breath, but it wasn't very quiet, so she heard.

"what do you mean? i would like to know. what's up with you?"

"i don't know ellie you tell me."

"I don't know y/n that's why i'm asking." you rolled your eyes starting to get more frustrated with her.

"maybe it was the fact that you just called me your friend and not your girlfriend?? i guess i missed something but i thought us having sex all the time and calling each other girlfriends meant just friends."

"i just called you best friend it isn't a big deal i'm sorry." she didn't sound sorry.

"it's a big deal to me ellie."

"well, i'm sorry." she shrugged and you scoffed at her nonchalant movement.

“i really don’t want to deal with this can you please leave i want to shower.” she didn’t pick up a fight and left. you sighed and wiped your face from any left over tears. you made your way into the shower and let the warm water help you forget about your thoughts for just one second.

————

a/n: i’m sorry this was short !! it was more of a filler before we get into some good angst and drama!! chapter 8 and possibly 9 will be out tomorrow!!

taglist:

@gold-dustwomxn @lil-elliesgf @hopelesssheaven @elliestears @cjrights

[soap-ify]

simon can't be with you anymore.

cw gn!reader , angst , hurt / no comfort, simon doesn't know what he's doing.

notes streets said that it's angstmas !! didn't know that it existed until recently. anyways, since i'm having the worst week of my life, i'm gonna ruin it for simon too.

maybe simon was being stupid.

he probably was. not that he could think of any other options besides leaving you.

his work was too dangerous, and the next deployment was probably going to be his last. especially after the recent briefing he went to where the captain spoke about the upcoming mission — a highly risky one. in fact, even the most skilled like ‘ghost’ was bound to either get severely injured or just die. probably the latter. especially since he wouldn’t be with the rest of the taskforce 141 in the fucking warzone.

just a sacrifice for the better of the world, yeah? even though a part of him didn’t want to. fuck the world. you meant so much more to him. but he had chosen this job right. he had agreed to the mission.

and after all, he never considered himself deserving of you, deserving of this relationship he had with you. he knew he was somewhat of a distant boyfriend — barely opening up about his own feelings or past. at least he had shown you his face. you didn’t deserve someone as dangerous as him, someone so… damaged.

he didn’t want to die knowing that you’d be waiting home, all sad and lonely. he didn’t want to leave you like that, but at the same time, he didn’t want to stay and just watch this sweet bubble you two were in shatter. in both ways, he had to leave you. he had to somehow make this less painful, to make it easier for you to move on.

god, he was an asshole. he knew he was. he spent the week just distancing himself from you, responding to your words with nods and grunts while barely reciprocating to your affectionate touches. his heart was breaking more and more everyday, noticing the pained look in your eyes.

he couldn’t keep doing this for much longer. eventually, he had to end this, and he did.

“we can’t be together.”

his words hit you like a brick. literally on a random friday evening. not so random now, it seemed.

“what do you mean, si…?” your voice got quieter with each word, uncertainty towards your own state of mind flooding inside you while a lump formed in your throat, restraining you from properly even speaking out. your eyes stared at him in pure confusion and heart, noticing how he was cladded in his uniform, how he wore that damn skull mask balaclava — building up those walls again that you had managed to break so easily with your love.

simon hated this. he didn’t want to see you so confused and defeated. he had to stop himself mentally from doing something irrational. he was doing this for you, for your own good. though hearing you call him ‘si’ seemed to somewhat crack his composure.

“look, we can’t be together. s’too dangerous. too risky for you. you never know when i might die.” soon, but he held himself from saying that. you didn’t need to know about his deployment, not at all.

“w-why so sudden?” your voice cracked as you tried to properly make sense of his words, emotions taking off your being while you tried to hold in the tears that had begun to sting your eyes.

too dangerous, too risky — maybe somewhere in your heart, you had known that a day like this would come. simon riley was too careful about safety, too dedicated to his work while simultaneously being madly in love. suddenly, all of his sudden distant behavior made sense, and you felt somewhat stupid. stupid for, well, everything.

he was the plague that had infected you, and now he needed to leave so you could heal.

but you never thought of him like that. he was your rock, the anchor that held you from slipping away into loneliness that had always somehow stuck with you throughout your life, a sting that only simon could soothe. it was simon who would craddle you in his arks every night, it was simon who would listen to your rambles. it was simon who your heart was so willing to give love to.

and now he was going to leave.

simon had expected you to scream, to somehow target your anger and frustrations at him. he wanted you to yell at him, he deserved it.

but you didn’t. you sniffled, beads of tears beginning to roll down your cheeks as you took a wobbly step back, too exhausted to fight back or anything.

you didn’t blame simon. how could you? even now, you couldn’t find a flaw in him. too in love? maybe.

as silence filled the living room of the apartment you used to share with him, he slowly picked up his duffel bag and sighed, trying to keep his brown eyes cold and unfeeling, to make it look like he didn’t feel remorseful, to hide his heart was threatening to tear out of his own skin.

“i’ll always love you, simon…”

you said after a few seconds, causing his head to turn over to look back at you — your eyes teary and puffy while your cheeks were streaked with tears, his hands aching to wipe them away. your voice was weak, reluctantly defeated. you know that there was no point in stopping him.

i’ll always love you too, he mentally thought, though never said.

"one final kiss...?" simon froze at your request, knowing that if he were to look at your face any longer, he'd actually stay. he sighed and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead before pulling away, brown eyes hardening up.

he gave you a final nod and exited the apartment from the front door, leaving you alone all over again, your heart torn in pieces as you fell down on your knees, shattering into pieces that no one was going to bother picking up now. only simon could, but he was gone.

simon riley had died three months after that, and you never found out. for you, ge had just disappeared, leaving no traces behind.

just a memory that you were afraid you’d forget eventually, forget his touch and his voice, forget his face — just a memory that was going to bury itself no matter how hard you may try.

[kisses-for-you]

Preference: They accidentally hurt you

Titans Characters X Fem!Reader

Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Gar Logan, Conner Kent, Kory Anders, Donna Troy & Hank Hall.

Dick Grayson:

You and Dick had gotten into an argument and it was getting heated. He was risking the team's life by making stupid and reckless decisions, or at least that's what they were in your opinion.

Without thinking, you yell, "You don't have to risk everyone's lives just because Jason died and you think it's your fault!"

SLAP!

Dick's hand makes contact with your face as he slaps you in a fit of rage. The room seems to freeze as Dick's eyes widen with horror at the realisation of what he's just done. Your hand instinctively reaches to your cheek, the hurt in your eyes making your boyfriend feel even more guilty.

Dick immediately recoils, his expression shifting from anger to deep regret. "Fuck. Y/N, I... I didn't mean to," he stammers, his voice filled with remorse. He takes a step back, grappling with the weight of his actions. His eyes search yours, pleading for forgiveness, but the pain in your gaze is palpable.

Dick takes a hesitant step forward. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Y/N, I'm so fucking sorry," he murmurs, regret etched across his face. He reaches out to cup your cheek, however, fear grips you, and you instinctively shrink back, avoiding his touch.

"I need some space," you finally manage to say, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and sadness. He nods solemnly, understanding he fucked up badly.

-

Jason Todd:

You and Jason were training and since you were still fairly new to the team, you thought it'd be nice to train with Jason as you're the closest with him.

You're meant to block his hits but as the bo staff heads your way, you hesitate for some reason and react too late, resulting in Jason accidentally hurting you as the staff strikes you. It's just a small mistake and it doesn't hurt too badly but he immediately rushes to your side.

"Shit. Babe, are you okay?" His concerned expression mirrors his regret. You give him a small, reassuring smile, saying, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's probably just a small bruise anyway. Let's just get back to training."

He shakes his head, still looking guilty even though it wasn't his fault. "No, let's just finish here. You shouldn't keep training if you're hurt. We can always train tomorrow," Jason insists, genuine concern in his eyes. You know there's no point in arguing with him, so you just sigh and nod.

-

Gar Logan:

You and Gar were alone in the Titans Tower, where Gar was struggling to stay in his human form. He was incredibly upset (you didn't know why) and his intense emotions were causing him to shapeshift into an animal, which he was trying to prevent.

"Y/N.. You need to.. go," he whispers, his voice strained as he tries to fight against the transformation. Concern etched across your face, you refuse to leave his side. You assure him, "Gar, I'm not leaving you alone like this."

You try to reach out to touch his trembling hand, but before you can make contact, Gar involuntarily shifts into a green tiger. In his tiger form, Gar loses control and accidentally swipes at you with his claws. The scratch isn't too deep, but it's enough to draw blood and sting, causing you to step back in shock. Gar, now more distressed, manages to regain control, turning back into his human form as he apologizes frantically.

"Fuck, Y/N, I'm so sorry. I- I lost control. I didn't mean to hurt you," he stammered, rushing to your side, panic etched across his face.

You assess the scratch on your arm, trying to downplay the pain, not wanting to make him feel worse. "Gar, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. Besides, it doesn't even hurt that bad."

Gar, tormented by guilt, searches for a first aid kit in the Tower. As he tends to your wound, you insist that it wasn't his fault, attempting to calm him in his distressed state. While Gar is patching up your wound, you notice a mixture of guilt and fear in his eyes. You gently take his hand and reassure him, "Gar, accidents happen. Don't blame yourself." Despite your comforting words, Gar remains visibly distraught, haunted by the fear of potentially causing you harm again.

-

Conner Kent:

Conner had just returned from a mission with the Titans. He looked exhausted but relieved as he walked through the door. You greeted him with a warm smile, knowing how tiring his superhero responsibilities could be.

As Conner hugged you, his thoughts wandered to what happened during the mission. He started to get lost in his thoughts, and his strength momentarily slipped out of his control. He squeezed you too tightly, causing you to wince as the force of the hug became too much. You were left in a little pain, and probably with a bruise. Conner looked concerned as you pulled away, realising what he had just done.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I don't know what happened. I started thinking about the mission and then I just..." Conner rambled, trying to explain and apologize to you. But you interrupted him and said, "Conner, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to. Don't worry about it." No matter how much you try to reassure Conner, however, he still feels guilty and blames himself for hurting you, even if it was accidental.

For the next couple of weeks, he's extra careful around you and way more gentle. He also tries to find ways to make it up to you; he doesn't need to though because you know he didn't mean to do what he did.

-

Hank Hall:

You and Hank had been watching a football match on TV together, enjoying the rare day off. As Hank headed to the kitchen to grab you both a drink and some snacks, an idea sparked in your mind. You decided you were going to scare him; it was a fairly innocent idea.

Within a couple of seconds, you start to tiptoe after him, planning to playfully surprise him. You just wanted to see his reaction so you could make fun of him if he screamed like a girl (you never know, he might). As you reach the kitchen door, you take a deep breath, preparing to unleash your surprise.

However, as you sneak up behind him and scream, Hank's reflexes kick in. In an instant, he spins around, his combat instincts taking over. Before either of you can even realise what's happening, his hand shoots out and strikes you right in the face. A gasp escapes your lips as you feel the sudden impact.

Time seems to freeze for a moment as you both register what just happened. Hank's eyes widen in shock and horror as he sees you wince from the unintentional blow. Concern fills Hank's eyes as he drops whatever he is holding in his hands, rushing to your side. "Oh fuck, babe, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" he blurts out, panic evident in his voice.

You hold your nose, pretty sure you have a nosebleed. "I'm... okay." As the initial shock wears off, you can't help but let out a nervous laugh. "At least now we know that your instincts are top-notch," you quip, trying to lighten the mood despite the pain you're feeling. You move your hand away from your face, revealing a trickle of blood from your nose. Hank winces, guilt written all over his face.

He quickly grabs a tissue from the nearby counter, handing it to you with a mix of concern and remorse in his eyes. "I didn't mean to... I just thought..." Hank stammers, struggling to find the right words to express his regret. You take the tissue and give him a reassuring smile, realizing it was just an unfortunate accident.

"It's okay, Hank. It was my idea to scare you like that so if anything, it's my fault," you say, dabbing at your nose. Despite the pain, you can't help but appreciate the genuine worry in his eyes.

-

Kory Anders:

You and the Titans were preparing for another battle against an intimidating villain who was threatening the city of San Francisco. You were standing by Kory's side, your heart pounding with a mix of fear and excitement. Tonight, the stakes were higher than ever before. The villain, known as Mother Mayhem, was ready to unleash chaos upon the city. Kory's eyes were glowing with determination as she walked towards the impending threat. You followed closely, aware of the danger that awaited you.

As the confrontation continues, Mother Mayhem launches a devastating attack that catches both you and Kory off guard. In a moment of panic, Kory's powers surge uncontrollably, and a burst of energy erupts from her, unintentionally striking you. The impact sends you flying to the ground and pain radiates through your body.

Kory's eyes widen in horror as she realises what just happened. She rushes to your side, leaving the rest of the Titans to deal with the threat. Her concern is evident in every step. "I-I'm so sorry," she stammered, kneeling beside you. "I didn't mean to hurt you." Despite the pain, you manage a weak smile, reaching out to reassure her. "It's okay, Kory. Accidents happen. Besides, we have a more important matter at hand," you say, referring to the villain you're currently fighting.

"I promise, I'll control my powers better next time," she vows, gently cradling you in her arms. She then stops to think, unsure of whether you should get back to the fight in your condition. "Are you sure you want to fight? I don't think that's the best idea for you right now, Y/N."

You nod, determination flickering in your eyes despite the pain. "I'll be fine, Kory. Just a little shaken, but I can still help. We need to stop her before things get worse." Reluctantly, Kory lets you go, her worry etched across her face. She stands up, taking a moment to make sure you're stable before rejoining the battle. 

-

Donna Troy:

You and Donna were strolling through through the dimly lit alleyways of the city. As you turned a corner, a group of menacing thugs emerged from the shadows, surrounding you both. Donna's grip on your hand tightened instinctively as she stepped forward, ready to defend you from the impending threat.

Donna's eyes narrow, her instincts kicking in. She swiftly reaches for her lasso, the golden glow illuminating the dark alley. But you find yourself in the line of fire without even noticing. A sudden movement from one of the thugs causes you to stumble, and in an attempt to protect you, Donna swings her lasso with lightning speed. However, the unexpected jolt of the situation results in her accidentally striking you instead of the intended target.

Time seems to slow as the golden rope wraps around you, the energy coursing through your body. A surge of pain shoots through your veins, and you gasp as the unexpected impact takes you by surprise. Donna's eyes widen in horror as she realises her mistake, immediately releasing the lasso. The thugs seem to take this as a chance to run and escape. Stunned and in pain, you stagger backwards, clutching the area where the lasso struck you. Donna rushes to your side, her concern evident in her eyes. "Fuck. Y/N, I'm so sorry," she murmurs, her voice filled with regret.

As Donna checks on you, you assure her that you're okay, though the pain still lingers. The two of you decide to go back to her apartment to assess the situation and tend to your injuries. Donna's guilt is palpable, but you understand it was an accident in the heat of the moment. Together, you make your way back, Donna keeping a protective arm around you.

-

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

I posted a oneshot on my ao3 and forgot to post it here haha. Enjoy!

"Right, what has got you moping about?" Mary asks suddenly, snapping Sirius out of his daze. 

"Hm? Nothing, nothing, I'm fine," He says back vaguely. He's prepared to go back to staring into space, feeling a bit sorry for himself. Mary, however, isn't one to drop a topic. 

"You haven't talked my ear off about anything today, and it's weird, okay? What's going on?" 

"I-" He looks at her a little helplessly, but she just arches an eyebrow. Okay, so she isn't going to let this go. "I asked a guy out," He concedes with a sigh. 

"Okay, and?" 

"And he said no," Sirius adds, after an unimpressed look from Mary. 

"Sirius, I love you, and all, but you can't act like this every time someone doesn't want to go out with you. You'll be over it in a day or two, anyway!" Sirius just shakes his head, frustrated. He really doesn't think he will, not this time. 

Not with Remus. 

Yeah, he's had fleeting crushes, but Remus has been a constant. Somehow, he has stuck around, at the forefront of Sirius' mind, since fifth year. In two years, Sirius fell head over heels in love with his best friend. Well, more realised that he had never done anything but love him. 

So of course he's a little mortified that he brought Remus to the top of the astronomy tower and confessed everything, only for him to turn bright red and stutter a quick 'no'. Still, there's something else. Something that's nagging at him, that he's really hoping isn't just sadness induced delusion. 

"That's not it," Sirius says, half-truthful. "I don't think he rejected me because he doesn't like me." 

"Sirius..." She looks at him carefully, and Sirius knows he needs to elaborate. 

"Listen, I'm not stupid. I know what the signs are, and I'm sure there's something there. The amount of times we've almost kissed, I mean..." for a moment, his mind gets lost, having to blink harshly back to reality. "I- I can read him like a book, okay? There's something else going on. Some other reason why he said no. Some stupid, self-deprecating, endearing reason, and I need to know what it is." 

Mary just looks at him blankly for a second, before shrugging casually and leaning back against the sofa. 

"Ask him, then." 

"...yeah. Yeah, I think I will." 

-

Remus is revising. 

Well, trying to revise. 

No, he's staring at his book. 

It's not his fault, though! It's all Sirius'. Sirius and his stupidly perfect face, looking Remus in the eye and telling him that he loves him. Every single braincell in his head is taken up by picturing it again. Honestly, he doesn't know if it's daydreaming or torture. It doesn't really matter in the long run, it still has him pretending to flick through the pages of his History of Magic textbook, sitting up against a tree by the lake. 

He's so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn't even hear a person approach. He's blissfully oblivious to the presence of another person until a voice rings out. 

"Hey, Moony? Can we talk?" Sirius snaps him out of his daze. Almost immediately, he shoves his book aside, feeling a little like he's been caught thinking about him. Like Sirius can read his thoughts, or something. He cranes his neck slightly to look at the standing Sirius, and almost immediately feels guilty. He's shooting Remus a polite smile, but he can see the hurt that he's trying to cover up. 

"Huh? Yeah, yes, we can, yeah," Remus says quickly. Sirius wastes no time in dropping down opposite Remus, eyes meeting his. He isn't really sure what Sirius is going to say- 

"How do you feel about me?" He asks suddenly, watching Remus carefully. 

"What- what d'you mean?" Remus asks, confused. 

"I mean, did you really reject me because you don't have any feelings for me?" Involuntarily, Remus' eyes widen, shock rippling through him. He was hoping that they'd never have to talk about the whole... confession thing again. He's not even sure he can find the words, really. Instead, he focuses all of his energy into keeping his eyes on Sirius', not letting them fall to his mouth. "We never have to talk about this again if you don't, I promise," Sirius says quickly, almost reading Remus' mind. "I just- well, tell me you don't have feelings for me. Say the words." 

"I- I don't-" 

This is harder than Remus expected. 

He fights with himself for a few seconds, before just sighing. 

"I don't want to lie to you, Sirius," He says hopelessly, shrugging slightly. 

"So you do? You have feelings for me?" 

"Yes, Padfoot, I have feelings for you," Remus admits in a rush, feeling his face heat up. Sirius smiles triumphantly and, even now, that grin makes Remus' heart warm. A kindness weaves it's way into Sirius' features, concern etching into his eyes. 

"Why'd you say no, Moons? Was it- is it me? Whatever it is, I can work on it-" 

"No! No, it's not you, I swear!" Remus says hurriedly, his mind solely on reassuring Sirius. "It's me, it's all me, really." 

"Remus," Sirius says, with a tone so earnest that Remus feels compelled to stop and listen. "There's nothing about you that would change the way I feel, okay? Not a thing." 

He needs to stop saying everything Remus has wanted to hear. It's just making it all more painful. 

"What about the moon?" He says quickly, practically incoherently. 

"The moon? What-? Oh, Remus, you know I don't give a toss about your... furry little problem," He says calmly, glancing around for students as he speaks. 

"I quite literally turn into a monster every month, Sirius!" He exclaims quietly, desperately. Sirius isn't getting it. "You can't really hold onto any feelings. You might think you do, but you don't. You'll get over it, Sirius. I'm not doing that to either of us when it'll be over in a month, anyway." 

For a second, Sirius just stares at him. Christ, he's fucked it up, hasn't he? Sirius isn't even going to want to be his friend anymore- 

"I'm in love with you." 

Oh. 

Oh. 

"I think I've always loved you, really," Sirius adds with a breathy laugh. "And that's not in spite of anything. I don't love just one part of you. I love you. All of you. That's not going to change anytime soon. Especially not since I've known that for well over a year. You can tell me you're not good enough, but I disagree. You're everything, Rem. Merlin, I wish you could see that. I've known you for years. Your lycanthropy hasn't gotten in the way of how I feel; not once." 

"Not even-?" 

"Not once," Sirius emphasises, reaching out and grabbing Remus' hand. He squeezes it once, offering him a gentle smile. "You aren't going to change my mind. If I'm not changing yours, then I'll keep trying. Now that I know you have feelings for me, I'm not going to stop trying to make you see what I see." 

Sirius' other hand reaches out and presses against Remus' cheek. Honestly, Remus is dangerously close to tears. Too much is happening, making his head reel. He's not even sure what compels his next decision. 

All he knows is that he's leaning in and kissing Sirius. 

He hears a small, muffled noise of surprise escape Sirius, before he's kissing Remus back in earnest. It's... everything Remus could have imagined and more. Sirius' lips are soft against his, the hand that was sitting comfortably on Remus' cheek winds around and lands on the nape of his neck instead. Remus wishes that could be it. 

Instead, his brain decides to keep whirring, forcing him to pull away and talk again. 

"I'm going to die first. Shorter life span," He blurts out, instantly wincing at himself. Sirius just arches an eyebrow. 

"You're not dying tomorrow, right?" Remus shakes his head, confused. "Then it's a bit early to be thinking about dying," He says with a grin. Oh, Merlin, how it makes Remus' stomach swoop. "What else have you got? Hit me with it." Remus finally smiles properly. 

"Can't think of anything off the top of my head," He says calmly. 

"Okay, great! That means we're going to try, right?" Sirius asks gently, looking at Remus hopefully. 

"Yeah. Yeah, we're going to try." 

[v4mpgutz]

im obsessed jealous / possessive / overprotective ethan landry i just know he would fight for your honor if a guy disrespected you

"Slut!", Ethan Landry [ ONESHOT ]

— omggg possessive / overprotective ethan is so hot im ajndjdnd, thank you for this anon

(not edited as of rn)

overprotective / possessive ethan landry x fem reader

warnings ! — slut-shaming, misogyny, name calling (slut, whore etc.), reader is drunk and guys try to come onto her, doesn't follow scream 6 timeline (not the same frat party)

-----------------------------------------------------------

all you wanted was a fun night out at this stupid frat party with your friends. you'd dolled yourself up all nice and pretty, wearing a little dress that complimented your figure and skin colour. you'd done your hair and makeup too, happy with how you looked.

ethan knew you were going to the party and he was hesitant on letting you go without him but he had an assignment to work on and he knew you'd be safe with your friends — he thought you'd be safe with your friends.

you were having fun — at first, anyway. you'd had a few drinks and were dancing with your friends before they'd left and stranded you there. you shrugged it off, too drunk to be so concerned about the issue and instead stumbled back into the kitchen where there was a group of boys from the college hockey team.

"hey," one of them greeted as you walked in and you nodded but tried to mind your business. a couple of the others wolf whistled and in your intoxicated state you grew flustered, continuing to poor another drink.

they left you alone for the most part, just whispering to one another as you swirled your drink in your hand and took small sips.

eventually, you grew bored and made your way towards the front door — oblivious to the same group of boys following you to the front. you stumbled down the front porch, holding the rail to stay steady as you carried yourself down the steps. you began to walk down the street, humming to yourself before one of the boys grabbed your shoulders and spun you around causing you to shriek.

they laughed and you felt your heart pounding in your chest.

"hey, why are ya walking home by yourself?" the tallest of them asked as he smiled at you. it wasn't a nice smile like that of your boyfriend's — it made you uncomfortable.

you swallowed, feeling bile rise up in your throat. you had a bad feeling about this. you panicked but figured there was an easy way out of this situation — but you needed to go on your phone without looking suspicious.

desperate times call for desperate measures so you pushed your pride to the side and flirted a little.

you batted your eyes up at the boy, speaking in the sweetest possible voice you could muster. "can i help you?" you asked.

he looked you up and down, chuckling as he licked his teeth. "yeah, how 'bout you come home with me, huh?"

your heartbeat quickened in your chest but you played along, hoping to gods your plan would work. "i'd love to... but i can't tonight," you feigned sadness and pouted a little. "could i have your number though?"

the boy clenched his jaw but laughed again with a nod, "sure. 'course you can, sweet thing."

you cringed at the petname but pulled your phone out. as he told you his number, you smiled sweetly and typed on your phone — instead of typing in his number though, you texted ethan your location with just the words 'help please'.

"thank you so much!" you told him as his friends whistled. he stepped a little closer and reached a hand up to touch your cheek.

you stepped back as a reflex, eyes widening. he furrowed his brows and stepped toward you again. "you sure you can't come with me? bet you've been around, huh? a slut like you would probably enjoy being passed around between us."

you felt sick to your stomach, not having any response. you clutched your phone and purse a little tighter, taking deep breaths.

"i'm sure, i have to get back home." you smiled at him but it didn't reach your eyes. although you said this, he just kept pushing.

"you filthy whore, probably going to hook up with someone else tonight. is that right, hon?"

your hands shook as you held your bag close and continued walking backwards slowly, you shook your head. "no, i'm not..." you mumbled.

you let out a yelp when you walked backwards into a solid chest, tears finally escaping your eyes in relief when you realised it was ethan. he pulled you back gently by your waist and stood in front of you.

"keep your hands to yourself, buddy," ethan sneered as he held one of your hands behind his back.

the boy who had come onto you scoffed and looked ethan up and down. "ethan landry, huh? d'you know your bitch was all dressed up and comin' on to me and the team tonight?"

ethan was livid. he knew you hadn't done any such thing — you wouldn't do any such thing and that was evident based on the message you'd sent him.

"what the fuck did you just call my girlfriend?" ethan questioned, his eyes squinted as he stepped towards the other boy.

"you heard me."

ethan clenched his jaw and ground his teeth together, his hand balling up into a fist. he was so ready to knock teeth out of this asshole's mouth — but he took a breath as you placed a gentle hand on his.

"eth.. i just wanna go home," you told him. your head was down and your body was shaking.

he nodded, taking one last glance at the team and flipping them off before he walked away with you. he held an arm around your waist and kissed your temple softly.

"you okay, baby?" he asked, his eyes glazing over with concern.

you leant in to hug him and inhaled his cologne, feeling much safer now that your boyfriend was with you.

"mhm, i am now."

PART 2 MAYBE?? this took so long for me to finish i'm so sorry 😭

[ghost-proofbaby]

if it were anyone else (e.m.)

warnings: strong allusions to depression, disordered eating/rough relationship with food, mentions of smoking, description of a sort of panic attack. very sad. hurt/comfort? not edited.

wc: 1.6k+

a/n: this is literally entirely self indulgent and written entirely after i sat and cried and thought "i wish i had eddie here right now to hold me". maybe in like thirty minutes tops. this is for me and only me. go figure lol. sorry. yeah. anyways.

if you relate, my askbox is always open, and i'm very sorry you've felt this way as well. i hope you all take care of yourselves. drink some water, call a friend. be kind to yourself.

“I’m worried about you.” 

Four words that always manage to strike a certain type of fear in your gut. You don’t know how to react as he says it, how he wants you to react. You can only stare blankly, you can only wish harder for the earth to swallow you whole.

“What do you mean?” you laugh nervously, following it with a hard swallow.

You’re playing dumb. You know it, he knows it. The tremor in your bones and your numb appendages know it, too. 

“You’re…” Eddie stalls, licking his lips, letting his eyes rake over you, “You’re getting bad again.” 

You’re quick to shake your head, forcing another hollow chuckle from your chest, “It’s not that bad. I’m fin-”

“You’re not fine.”

The look in his eyes could crack your spine if you stare too long. Wet eyes, a trembling bottom lip, worry lines etched into his forehead that you realize might be caused by you.

You’re causing him worry. The last thing you want to do, you’ve accomplished. You’re on a fast-track to becoming a burden – the first step is always acceptance. 

You’re still unsure of how he wants – no, needs you to react right now. This conversation is a landmine for both of you, and you hold every breath with every step as you try to navigate it. If you make one wrong step, it could cause an explosion that spares no survivors.

You don’t mind if it tears you apart limb by limb. You do mind if it hurts him. 

“How… How do you know that?” 

It’s not a sarcastic snipping or defensive deterrence. It’s an unfiltered response of genuineness – you want to know the signs, you want to know what has exposed the rot this time.

And then, maybe next time, you’ll be able to better shield it from him with this knowledge. 

“How could I not?” he takes a deep breath in through his nose, and you focus on the flare of his nostrils rather than any of the tears beginning to gather at his waterlines, “It’s been happening for a while now, though, hasn’t it?” 

Your throat is a cage, tight and restrictive and ringing with a bitter metallic taste in its tenseness. You can’t respond with words. You can only nod. 

He chooses to answer your question more properly now that you’ve admitted it, “You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground. Picking up distractions like they’re going out of style.”

“Hey, they might be. We never know-” you cut yourself off when your eyes meet his. Now’s not the time for jokes, “Sorry. I… I know. I’m sorry.” 

He’s right. Fuck, he’s right. 

“I want to ask you something, and I need you to answer me honestly,” his own steps across these landmines are just as delicate, just as feathery light, as your own. You hear it in his tone, see it in his body language. You wish your body could sink into the mattress you’re sitting on the edge of as he crouches in front of you, warm palms connecting with your knees. Grounding you. Tethering you. Holding you back from that sinking you crave. “Are you… Sweetheart, are you okay?”

If anybody else had built up to such a stupid question, you would have laughed in their face. You would have shoved those warm palms right off of your skin and you would have thrown up those ice cold hands of your own, shouted obviously not. 

Obviously not. I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay, it’s a bit comical. I am drowning. I am treading in freezing cold waters and I am barely capable of keeping my head above the waves. My engine is fucked, my tank is empty. I don’t think I’d even know how to be ‘okay’ again if you did manage to pull this mangled body of mine from these depths and sat me down on safe, solid ground again. 

You can’t say any of this, though. Not because you don’t trust him, not because he would judge you. But because the moment he asks the question that should make you scoff, you let out a sob instead. Something like a muffled, broken wail that tears from deep within you. It had already been ready and poised, laying in wait for a perfect moment like this one to escape. 

His eyes aren’t the only glossy ones anymore. 

“I-” you start, breathing already stuttering and chest already constricting, “I- I-”

“Hey,” he palms smooth up your thighs, carrying their warmth with them, as if he were trying to spread it across you. As if he had heard your thoughts. As if he already knew all about those dark, treacherous, freezing waters you were stranded in. All you can do is spew out another cry, strangled as you tried to swallow it down before it entered the atmosphere between you two, “Hey.” 

You only notice the tears when you crumple forward and he meets you halfway. Those warm palms, those hands so capable of safety and promise, cup your cheeks and his thumbs make quick work of swiping away the salty streams. 

“Hey, baby, breathe for me,” his voice is tragically gentle, “Just one deep breath, okay?” 

To demonstrate, you watch his chest expand dramatically, his hands forcing you to keep your eyes on him. 

You can’t see through the bleariness. 

“C’mon, sweetness,” he encourages again, “One breath. Just one.” 

If it were anyone else, you’d turn into a fit of rage at the coddling. You’d break everything in sight. You’d scream until your already burning lungs finally collapsed as they’d been yearning to for so long. 

But it’s him. It’s just him, it’s just Eddie. 

His chest rises dramatically again, and this time, yours does as well, albeit through stifling hiccups. You’re dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the flood of emotion that was wrecking you. 

“There you go!” his voice rises ever so slightly, and when you flinch a bit at the sudden volume, he retracts, “Sorry, sorry. But that’s it, sweetheart. Another one, okay?” 

Another breath. Another sob. Another wave of all the pain you’ve been battling off. 

You’re cold all the time again. You’re always sleeping too much or too little. You’re smoking again, running yourself into the ground.

He was right and it fucking killed you. None of those are things you could ever shield him from. You didn’t have the heart to pull away those numb and icey fingertips every time he’d reach out for your hand, or try to cover the shivers that managed to rack your bones even in the middle of summer. The sleeping situation had been spiraling, a pendulum of sleepless nights that would end in a sleep so deep that you could have been mistaken for resting with the dead. Maybe the smoking you could have hid, especially when you’d been so boastful about quitting. 

You weren’t running yourself into the ground. You had already collapsed into the dirt, you had already joined the worms. You’d buried yourself alive, six feet under, and nothing could have stopped him from sniffing out that scent of decay on you. 

The death of a soul and mind. The death of the thing that had propelled you forward for so long. No amount of sweet perfume, or hour long scalding showers, or minty gum to occupy your mind rather than a proper meal, can erase that stench. 

You never could have shielded him. He always saw right through you. Always had, always would. 

“I’m sorry,” you end up crying out. 

You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but you echo the words again. Over and over, on repeat, until he’s rising from the ground. Until he’s sat beside you. Until his arms are suddenly encasing you and you’re awarded a warmth you didn’t feel deserving of. 

He doesn’t smell like the decay you’d surrounded yourself with. He smells like slow waking in the morning, dreary and calm and at a reasonable time. He smells like warm baths that only relax your bones, and don’t have to blister your skin in the process. He smells like three meals a day, all comforting and all effortless and that never linger with a sense of regret.

He’s not decay, never even treading close to death. He’s home. He’s the promise that you could be okay. Even if it isn’t right now. 

“Don’t apologize,” he murmurs into the crown of your head, squeezing you tighter into his chest, not even blinking an eye at the patch of wetness you leave behind from where your cheeks bury against him, “Never apologize. Ever. Not with me, sweetheart. Keep the sorries. I don’t need them.” 

If it were anyone else, the holding would have suffocated you. But it’s him. It’s Eddie.

You don’t fight him when he pulls you fully into his lap, situating the two of you comfortably on that mattress. 

You don’t know how long you let him cradle you like that. How much of that time is spent filled with your cries, or how many breaths he gently urges you to take with him. He never once has to verbally say what you already know; he never once promises aloud that it’ll be okay. He doesn’t put that pressure on you, not yet. Not today. Not when he knows the journey to okay is still such a long one. 

“I’ve got you,” he whispers to you instead, “I’ve got you, now, sweetheart.” 

If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t believe them. 

But it’s him. It’s Eddie. 

And he’s got you, for now and for as long as you need.

[apieceofmi]

STRANGERS… or not

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: a stranger in a train that captive her heart, never seen him again… but his face was familiar, maybe that was more than just a connection, maybe she already saw him somewhere. A lot of research and… oh, yeah, she really sees his face before, her and millions of people… it's just sad that he seems so untouchable. Right?

Author’s note: Okay, so part 2 was unexpected, but It's here!! And now I have a few more ideas for this same couple and context… I think there are more coming. Anyway, hope you like it! xx

Part One (You don't have to necessarily read the first part to understand this one, it's up to you)

__________________________________________________________

Just when I thought that my chances are over, I found him. The stranger I’ve met in a train coming back from my hometown months ago, talked for hours and I left without knowing his name.

I took the same train and visit my parents more times than is good for my mental health, I sat there and wait for him, but got nothing. Then I searched in social media, everywhere I could think of, but it is so difficult to search for something - someone in this case - that you know nothing about. I have an image in my mind, the sound of a laugh, and nothing more. We shared so much that day, but as the days passed it seemed like nothing. Then, when I gave up and convinced myself that I was making it bigger than it should have been, when I accepted that it had become just a great memory, exactly how I wanted it, I found him.

Screaming in my phone, I'm not the only one that think he's a cool guy. I feel kind of stupid when I realize that he's not just an ordinary person, and that's probably why I thought I already knew him that day on the train.

Not a surprise, just me romanticizing my life again.

And maybe that is the reason why I'm doing it again, because I swear that I feel something more around this - him. In my delusion mind, you don't meet someone by chance. You don't screw up the chance you have to really know someone when you feel a special connection with them. Not like I did. Maybe that's the reason that I feel the necessity to just see him again. I don't know what I expect of this, and maybe I should just let it go, but I have friends that are delusional like me, and they support me with this crazy feeling… So, yeah, I listened to all of his band's albums and came to a show - just because it was in my city. It's not like I fight for tickets when I found out that they would be here. Not at all. 

Everything was good, and I was already feeling that coming to the show was the closure that I need to this history when my friend Anna, that came with me, grab my hand while we're exiting the venue.

“Let's wait outside. I know some fans do it, sometimes they stop to take pictures and talk to them.”

I get nervous immediately. I've already seen him, discovered who he is and for me that's enough, I don't have the courage to be in front of him again. I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him and make this role thing uncomfortable. It was supposed to be something nice, just it. Actually, it was just supposed to be a memory. Everything that happened after I left that day shouldn't have happened, I didn't say my name because I didn't want anything to happen. I'm going further than I should, I'm exceeding the limit I drew for myself. It's more than enough.

“No! We can't wait for them!” I protest, thinking in an excuse when Anna looks at me, her eyes narrow, knowing me well enough. “I have to work in the morning.”

“You can miss one rehearsal.”

“I have class tomorrow. I can't miss it, I'm the teacher.” I say, but Anna doesn't take me serious, she knows that I'm having a meltdown right now. “What if they don't even came out? We’re just going to lose time waiting here.”

Squeezing my hand, she smiles at me.

“Then at least you tried.”

So we wait, talk with some people that are waiting there too and it's cool. It's nice. But I can't stop feeling that I'm doing something wrong being here. I don't know, betraying the universe, maybe? I made my choice that day and just because I regret it now, can I just switch sides? 

Uh, no, I don't think so. 

Maybe it's supposed to be just like it was, some nice exchange in the train between strangers. Maybe it supposed for me not saying my name.

I'm almost given up and going home when I see them coming in our direction. Anna has a big smile in her face, her eyes shinning, and I almost can hear her saying - he's here! He's here! - but I just look at her and then at him approaching the others, and I freeze, taking a step back. 

There's another member of the band with him - with I know now that his name is Nicholas - and they start to talking with the little crowed waiting for them. I stay in the corner with Anna, without a clue to how to start this interaction without being a weirdo.

I'm still considering running out of here when his eyes catch me one time. Two times. A little frowning in his face in the third time. What if he doesn't remember me? 

“I know you” he says, his eyes studying mine, coming closer.

“We met at…” But I don't need to finish when his faces changes. He recognizes me. 

“Yes, I remember” he smiles. “You found me.”

I let out a small nervous breath, forcing it into a weak smile.

“It took long enough, but yes. I did found you.”

There’s a grin that won't leave his lips, and I cannot stop staring at it. 

“What's your name?” Yeah, here's the million dollars question.

I finally tell him my name, answering the question I should have answered months ago when I had the opportunity, then had to beg the universe for another chance.

“Well, I’m Noah” he says next.

“Nice to meet you.” I chuckled nervously.

I already know his name, but him saying it to me feels more legit. I think I can finally stop referring to this man in my mind as him or the stranger.

He finally has a name.

“You liked the show?” Noah asks.

“Yes! It was so great!” I rejoiced. “You guys are so talented! I was shocked when I was listening the albums, I'm just… I became a fan.”

The smile in Noah’s lips grows and the shy look in his eyes makes strange things happen in my stomach. I really hope that's not butterflies. It's like something frozen at the moment, at the same time suddenly I'm well aware of the people still around us, hoping for a little more time with the members of the band they came to see. 

Noah gives me a little embrace, catching me off guard when I hear his voice so close.

“You found me, now it's my time” he whispers in my ear.

“I follow you” I replied, the words coming out my mouth like it's an urgency. 

“Great.” he says, stepping back and giving attention to the person next to us.

I look around for Anna, who I didn't even see leaving, she's back at my side in a second.

“How it was?” she asks as we leave. 

“He said he's going to find me” I chuckle. “ I think on social media? I don't know.”

“It would be suspicious if he asked for your number in front of everyone.” She considers. “Or even invite you for, I don't know… their bus” Anna makes a funny face, giving me a side look. “I wouldn’t let you leave with him like that anyway, he’s cute and talented, but he’s still a man.”

I laugh, loving her a little more for taking care of me.

“I wouldn’t abandon you like that.” I say. “Thank you for coming with me.”

"Of course. As if I would miss the chance to help my best friend meet her train crush, who happened to be a fucking rock star." She rolls her eyes, getting into the car.

“It don't even make sense.” I let out a disbelief laugh. “Did you see how many people were there today? This is like impossible, he's famous, a celebrity, I'm not the kind of person…”

“Stop it right now.” She interrupts me. “He's a person just like you are. Yes, he's talented and is in a band that obviously is getting bigger every second, but it doesn't mean anything. He's human. You're human. It's all we need.”

“You're right, I'm thinking too much again.” I say, starting the car. “At least I tried.”

I'm already home getting ready to sleep when a notification came on my phone. A message on Instagram from an account with a peculiar profile pic. I don't make a ceremony and open it right away.

“I can't believe that I spend two hours talking with you that day and don't ask your name first thing!” 

“I swear, I'm not like this in normal situations”

“You got me nervous”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from smiling.

“I'm sorry for not saying my name when you asked. I regret it every day since I left.” 

“Two fools”

“How did you found me? I tried to look for you but get nothing”

“Well, I'm not as popular as you”

“A video of the band randomly appeared on my timeline, I think I talked about the guy on the train so much to my friends that the algorithm took pity on me and threw it in my face.”

“For once social media did something right”

“So… You're going to stay in town or…?”

“No. We already left”

“I didn't want to expose you out there earlier, but if you get me your number, I can let you know when I'm around?”

“I'll understand if you don't want to, my life can be a little crazy sometimes.”

There's no hesitation in my answer.

“I really want to know better the guy that I met on the train three months ago and can't stop wondering about, so… Yes, If that's okay for you.”

“Great. I've searched for you in every city that we go to since that day, can't wait to properly get to know you too, stranger.”

So I sent my number.

And God, I should have known I was in trouble the moment I got that first message from him. As the days went by, I realized that I was crazy to think that Noah was untouchable just because of what he does for a living, he has become the funniest and sweetest person I know.

We're definitely not strangers anymore.

Not when we talk every day now.

Not when I learned all his favorites.

Not when I’m counting days to see Noah in person again.

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

Sparks

Originally published on my wattpad: slvt4em1lyprenti2s

Summary: You and Emily have had tension for a while now, and it finally breaks.

Word Count: 2k 

Fluff, implikation of nsfw, normal case details, being held by an UnSub (extremely briefly)

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x fem!reader

!NOT PROOFREAD!

Emily's pov:

This case is dragging on, and on, and on. We know who the UnSub is and we're keeping a close eye on him but we have no solid evidence to pin him yet, so we're basically waiting on him to kidnap another woman. 

He stalks them at clubs and then whisks them away with his 'charm' and they think they're getting lucky. But they're not, they're getting an early grave. It's sad but c'mon men are stupid and cruel and disgusting. Ugh men. 

It's hard not to prove the lesbian stereotypes.

Anyway, we're running out of options because this guy just isn't biting, we think he's cottoned onto the surveillance we have in him and is therefore not going to kidnap another woman. We're sitting ducks. We just need a woman he can't resist to waltz into the club he's in right now to resolve this problem.

"You ready?" I hear Hotch say. My interest piqued I look to see who he's talking too and my eyes fall on the y/h/c haired beauty I get to call my best friend. Although I wish it was more. She's in a red dress thats stops around mid thigh, a slit that goes too far up for my liking on her left leg and a plunging neckline that makes it hard not to stare. I come to my senses as I hear her angelic voice.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I didn't imagine I'd be spending my Saturday chatting up a serial killer but here we are." She chuckles, got I could listen to her laugh all day- wait what. She's going to chat up the UnSub?

Rossi must've seen me coming and realised what I'd head as he said "Uh oh, here comes your girlfriend y/n/n." The team all laughed at this as they saw me coming. I wasn't going to stop her from doing her job but I sure as hell wasn't letting her go in unprotected. 

"Take this." I hand her a small pistol that can fit in her clutch, remembering I had been in a similar situation before. 

"Thank you em." The blush on her face is evident to everyone in the room, thankfully no one mentions it. 

As she stuffs it into her clutch she spins to face me and pulls me into a hug. I grip her tightly, my hands resting on the small of her back as I take in her scent. 

"Be careful, please." I plead quietly.

"I will, pinky promise, you know I can't break pinky promises." As she finishes her sentence her pinky makes its way round mine and we each kiss our hand. It's a little tradition we have when we promise something and really mean it. 

Me and y/n/n have had tension for months, I'm not even 100% sure she's into girl but hey, I can dream. 

After this little display Morgan started making kissing noises to which he received a middle finger from me and a 'yeah you wish you could watch' from y/n/n which made the team laugh even harder. 

"As amusing as this is, we have an UnSub to catch, so come in everyone. Let's get going to the SUV's." Hotch said over our laughter.

Time skip to when you are in the bar

Reader pov:

Jesus christ. I didn't know anyone's ego could be this big. He's talking to girls left and right as if he owns them, as if it's his right to talk to them. I actually might throw up. Hotch, Derek and Emily are positioned in different places throughout the bar and Jj, Rossi and Spencer along with SWAT and local PD are surrounding the building so, I'm completely safe.

I fix my face as he looks in my direction putting in my best smile and giving him a flirty wave. He instantly smirks and excuses himself from whatever meaningless conversation he was having with this poor girl and makes his way over to me.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing alone on a Saturday night?" He asks while touching my lower back as he walks up next to me, leaning against the bar.

"Just looking for a friend, you know, the usual." I respond, dragging my finger along my glass of lemonade. 

"I could help with that." He whispers into my ear. God I could punch him right now.

"I'd like that, you wanna get out of here?" I propose trying to get this done as soon as possible.

"Whoa slow down little lady, I gotta get you a drink first. Get to know ya a little." I internally roll my eyes because what he means is 'Whoa slow down, I need to drug you first.' 

He clearly senses my hesitation and puts the dots together. 

"You're not here for a friend, are you?" This time I actually roll my eyes and that's enough for him as I then feel something cold and metal press against my ribs. Shit. 

"Don't make a scene and walk with me." His words are like daggers. Or maybe that's just the actual dagger pressing on my side. Who knows? 

"Eric Mannings, FBI!" I hear Hotch shout with Emily and Derek right behind him, guns out, pointing at him. Immediately my position is flipped, there's now a knife on the throat, not my side. I'm in a headlock, about to get my neck cut and the only thing I can think about is how bad this guy smells and how hot Emily looks in her FBI vest and with her gun out.

He is going back and forth with Hotch until I see Emily out of the corner of my eyes, getting a better position. Uh oh, this is either going to end with a bullet in his body or, Emily's badge and gun on Strauss' desk. I can only hope for the first option. Everyone has been ordered to shoot if they have a clear shot which is exactly what Emily had right now. BANG! I scrunch my eyes as the shot rings awfully close to my ear. 

I feel the grip on my loosen as he falls down on the floor, shot in the neck. Wait why was that hot- OMG STOP. Emily immediately rushes over to me and helps me away from everyone as Derek crouches to check his pulse and everyone else from the perimeter comes in. 

"Hey are you okay?" Concern evident in her voice. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." I lie through my teeth. In all honestly even though I acted okay, I did just get held with a knife at my throat by a homicidal maniac, so you know, kinda shaken up. 

"No you're not." Her tone gentle yet commanding.

"No, I'm not." Tear prick at the corner of my eyes, threatening to spill. 

"Oh honey, come here." She pulls me into her warm embrace and I cling to her.

Honey.

Honey.

Honey.

Like sure we have nicknames but a pet name? Never crossed that line before. Does that mean.. No stop being delusional she'd never like you back.

A few tears escape my eyes as I lay my head on her shoulder.

"Let's go home yeah?" She says, as she begins to guide me out the bar and into one of the SUV's.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." 

Time skip to when you're  back at Emily's apartment.

"This isn't my place?" I question as we pull up to the block of flats.

I look around the familiar neighbourhood and realise we're at Emily's place.

"I can take you home if you want I- uh I just thought you wouldn't want to be alone after what happened, I know I wouldn't. But, I can leave you alone if you want?" She rambled as her hand subconsciously rests on my thigh. My breath catches in my throat slightly at this action.

"No, no, em. It would be really nice to have some company actually. Thank you." A blush creeping onto my cheeks, thinking about spending the night with Emily Prentiss, alone. 

As we walk out the car and into her flat, our hands intertwine. It sends sparks through my body, as cheesy as it sounds. We finally make it to her flat and she gets her keys out, unlocks the door and we walk in. 

"Make yourself at home; do you need anything?" She asks, instantly fussing over me.

"I'm okay, em, really. I just need you." Now it was Emily's turn to blush. She looked to the ground and muttered a quick, 'I can do that' as she walked me to her bedroom. 

I was passed a pair of old sleep shorts and an oversized hoodie with the words 'FBI Academy' written across it. It was the comfiest jumper I've ever worn; and it smelt like em which was a massive bonus. Emily made her way to the bathroom giving me time and space to change into my pj's. 

As I was slipping my shirt off so I could but on the jumper she gave me I heard the bathroom lock click and the door swing open quicker than I could cover myself. 

"Oh god! I'm sorry!" She squeals covering her eyes. 

"It's okay em don't worry about it! We're both girls, nothing we haven't seen before, right? And plus, I still have a bra on." I try to tame the   blush that's infecting my face, but that fails as soon as she responds to my words "I wish you didn't." She says it so quietly I think I imagined it. 

"What was that?" 

"Nothing." 

"I mean I wouldn't object to it, if you're being serious." 

"Really?" 

"mhm"

She creeps closer to me, our faces inches apart. Her warm breath fans across my face as my arms lace around her back as hers reach for my hips. 

"Honey you have no idea what you're doing to me right now." There it is again, that damn name. If she keeps that up I'm going to melt.

"I think I have some idea." 

"Oh really?" 

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Prove it." 

Without a seconds hesitation I smash her lips against mine in a heated kiss. The months of built up tension, flirting, jealousy, all spilt into this one kiss. I feel her hand travel from my waist to the back of my neck and she pressed my head in and deepens the kiss. Her tongue grazes over my bottom lip asking for entrance which I happily grant opening my mouth. I let out a small gasp as she pushes her tongue into my mouth, instantly dominating and not leaving an inch unexplored. 

We pull away and the look in her eye tells me all I need to know. She gently guided me to her bed until my knees hit the edge and I sit down. I shuffle back and she sits next to me pulling me into her lap. 

"Promise me something." Emily says abruptly. "Of course, anything." I respond, wondering where this is leading.

"Be mine, forever. Be my girlfriend." Her dark eyes lock with my y/e/c ones and I immediately respond, "I want nothing more than to be yours em." That's all the incentive she needed to kiss me with that same passion again. Hungry lips make contact with my collar bone, nipping and sucking at my skin, already leaving marks. 

This was going to be a long night, not that I'm complaining though. 

A/N: LMAO THIS WAS SHITEEE. It's okay though it's 1am so cut me some slack and I started writing this ages ago and completely forgot what I was planning to write so I just made it up as I went along. Sorry for the crappy chapter!

ALSO PLEASE LEAVE REQUESTS!!