#anyways i never really knew what to do with this au past this point so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aphroditesmoon · 6 months

Text

you go back to the old house, but you've been locked out

jacaerys velaryon/strong x fem!reader (modern!au)

summary: when your boyfriend finds out that you have never celebrated christmas before, he invites you to have your first with his family.

warnings: *do not read if you have any of the triggers* artist!reader, poc coded reader, depictions of mental illnesses, domestic abuse, physical abuse, mentions of suicide attempts, mentions of ED, mostly fluff, NSFW (SMUT! MINORS DNI!!), blackcat!reader and goldenretriever!jace, only rhaenyra's children with harwin exists in this au, title and fic inspired by There must be more than blood by Car Seat Headrest.

wc: 17.4K

a/n: this is for my babies who think they're unlovable of some sort, you are not too much or not enough, and you are completely lovable and you will find the rght kind of love for you one day.

When you first told Jacaerys that you have never actually celebrated Christmas before, you didn't think it would pull out such an intense reaction.

You've been dating him for about 4 months now, the two of you agreed to take things slow under your request, but by this point, you both have grown comfortable enough around each other to move forwards past the small talk stage.

And it is in these moments that you genuinely wonder if all the new small details and information about yourself that you had initially held from him before would cause any issues within the relationship. For example, the fact that you've never celebrated Christmas, or how you have an antipathy for your birthday and double dates. You also don't believe in celebrating annual anniversaries.

In the second month of your relationship with Jace, you discovered how important anniversaries were to him and it was an honestly amusing idea to you. But after you noticed how disappointed he was to find out that you didn't care for the special day, you decided to let his predilection for it prevail.

Plus it was just like having an extra special date every month that you didn't have to pay for, what's the harm in that?

Upon finding out that Christmas was a foreign concept to you, he asks you if it was a religion thing at first. You weren't particularly religious, nor are you against it in any way, then he asked you if it had anything to do with the whitewashing of Jesus Christ. You laughed until you realized he was serious.

"No, it's nothing to do with the whitewashing of Jesus of Nazareth." He raised a brow in suspicion. "Are you sure? Cause if it is then I fully support you." You smiled and him and shook your head in assurance. "I've just never celebrated it for some reason."

"But why?" He asked again, pushing for a good answer. Jace loved christmas, that one was easy to tell. You're just not sure if it's because he had strong family values and loved spending time with his family or because he really loved gifts and knew that he'd get good ones every year thanks to the fact that he is rich.

"My family never celebrated christmas, so I never did." You answered decisively. "Are they superstitious or something?" You replied no. "I guess my parents just didn't see what good it can do besides making a waste of money." Your financial situation was a touchy topic, you could see him leaving it at that, ending the interrogation. "So what'll you do on this 30th?" He asks instead.

"What I always do, stay at my apartment, maybe go on a shopping trip with all the Christmas discounts." His eyes widen in horror as if you've just told him that you had killed a man. "You're spending Christmas alone?" You could laugh at his worry if you didn't think that it would hurt his feelings. "Well, my roommate is flying back to her hometown."

"So, why don't you fly back home too? It's not just christmas, the semester break is over 2 weeks." You shrugged and went over some excuses in your head before settling for one. "Believe me, they'd rather I stay here and focus on my studies. There'd be no point anyway, since you know, I don't celebrate Christmas." His lips thinned as he analyzes you in the most obvious way possible, making you groan internally in your head.

Jace was a problem solver. You learned that very quick into your relationship.

He always tries to make the best out of every condition he's put into. And you can tell how much the idea of you being alone for two weeks bugged him. "Two weeks flies faster than you'll realize, I'm telling you Jace, I'm used to this." Oh that wouldn't cut it for him. "What if you came home with me?"

You blinked at him in confusion, his words registering very slowly. "No." You say the first thing you thought of.

His mouth makes an O shape in offense. "Why not?" You rolled your eyes. "You ask that question a lot." "If you answer me for real this time, I won't ask you that again for at least 5 days." You fought back a smile. "Fine. Because it's weird." He frowned. "No it's not, why would it be?"

"Because I've never met your family before, Jace." He shrugged in a careless manner. "Well, there's no time more perfect than Christmas."

Everything is so easy with you, you thought to yourself. Sometimes you wondered if he has ever been caught up in the anxiety of things possibly not going his way for at least once in his life. You weren't bitter, it's genuine curiosity. Jacaerys looked like the type of person who has never been afraid to take a chance with new and risky opportunities. One of them being you. He is either very lucky or very positive. Which in the case of him being incredibly privileged, both.

You took a deep breath before settling your back against the plush of the cushion of your hallway. He understood the indescribable look you gave him and leaned in to place his hands on your shoulder.

"My mom has wanted to see you for ages, there's nothing to be nervous about, I swear." You cocked your head at him. "You've already told your mom about me?" He grinned. "Yeah, she thinks you're pretty. "

Your eyes widened. "You showed her my picture?" He nodded. Oh well, this was inevitable, you told yourself. Really, can you even blame him? Every course of action he has taken so far has only proved himself to be as good as you figured he was from the moment you two met each other. Well at least his mom thinks I'm pretty.

It wasn't that you hated people or disliked socializing so much, moreso that it was just state of normalcy for you. You have friends of course, and you talk to other people, but up until you met Jace, all the other people in your life have always been viewed as a convenience. Association by luck and not exactly a friendship grounded by any sort of deep connection or intimacy.

You gave up trying to pursue or look for that kind of relationship a long time ago. And just when you expected it the least, Jacaerys came into your life and somehow managed to become an intregal part of it. 4 months later, you wonder if it's too early for you to confess that you're unable to really remember your life before him.

You let out a sigh, letting him pull you closer. "Is it not too fast? If this is because you don't like me staying alone, I swear I'm used to it." He didn't say anything at first and only embraced you with his chin resting over your head.

He was either thinking deeply about whatever you just said or he's waiting for you to give in. "2 weeks is a long time, I wouldn't even want to be around my family for 2 weeks." You say, trying to get him to relent.

"We leave on the second week of the break then. We could stay here for the first." It wasn't a bad suggestion, and you know it's not fair to him for you to be holding up all the cards. He deserves to have a say in certain things, and one week with his family sounded like a good compromise.

"I'll think about it." You told him at last. And by the look of his face, he knows he has won. He lowers his head down to kiss you, and you welcome it with ardor.

—

You first met Jacaerys 6 months ago at a frat party. Your project partner Cregan had invited you over, even knowing that oarties were never really your thing. But you were having a bad day and thought, why not?

On your way to the bathroom, you bumped into him. The two of you walked in opposite ways right onto each other. He apologized profusely and had taken your abrasive wave off hand as you made your way to the bathroom as a sign that you were offended. So he waited until you were done peeing so he could apologize again.

You were 5 drinks in dazed and confused, not exactly drunk but not really sober. You figured he probably wanted to hook up because who the hell apologizes this much for bumping into someone. So you glared at him and told him to fuck off.

You never saw him again for the rest of the party. But about 30 minutes later, you decided you were done with the badly remixed disco music and alcohol that tastes like fruit punch and wanted to return to your apartment. You weren't staying in dorms since you managed to rent a place nearby with another girl who was studying at the university too. And although it was much further from campus compared to the dorms, it was considered a walking distance.

How lucky you were that he ended up driving by the road you took walking home. You were prepared to flip him off when he turned his window down, asking if you needed a ride. But once you slowed down to actually look at him, you noticed a certain kind of sincerity in his eyes and gave in.

It wasn't often that you get to meet people who were kind for the sake of being kind. Most people are leeches. But not him.

Neither of you said anything throughout the whole ride except when you thanked him before getting off the car. You didn't think you'd ever see him again after that night. But like fated ropes intertwining, he was the first person you saw in your lecture the next day.

He waved at you from the back seat. You stared at him with squinting eyes to make sure it was the right person before you went back to ignoring him. He ended up moving his seat to the front more and more everytime the two of you had the class again, until 2 weeks in, he finally seated himself next to you. "Are you always this persistently annoying?" You had asked him then. "Only with the ones I like" It was stupid, and cliche and most disgustingly, cute.

And so with every encounter, you began to let your guard down and allow the relationship to naturally take it's own course. 2 months later, you officially started dating one of the most fawned over boys on campus.

Its 6.30am on a Sunday as you jog through the quiet streets behind your apartment building. You wiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand, the heat turning your face red. 30 minutes from now, the roads will begin to flood with people walking to work or going on their own daily run. You know this because you've lived here for 3 years now.

When you decided to study at King's Landing University knowing it'll cost an expensive 3 hour flight for every time you'd want to go back home, it was an obvious decision both to yourself and to your family that you weren't really planning on coming back at all.

For all of 3 years you've been studying here, you had only flown back twice. And neither of those times felt worth the money you paid them for.

If this house suffocates you so badly, we'll see how far you'll survive out there all alone. Your mother had said to you 3 days before you went to college for your first year.

You had proved her wrong with your resilience, but at what cost? Your younger sister doesn't remember how you look like, and your older brother still takes every opportunity presented to him to try and belittle you every time the two of you meet.

Your father was ignorant, uncaring. And your mother? She loves you so much, with every bitter insult she throws your way and every provocation she purposely does just to get a reaction.

When you were 13 years old, she had told you to swing yourself off the highest building in response to you accidentally breaking her favourite plate. And at 16, she found herself crying by your bedside after your failed overdose attempt. At 18, she had spat on your face and announced that for as long as she lived, you would never know a life free of guilt and pain without her blessing as a mother.

At 19, The two of you hugged each other for the last time forever before you decided to never look back at that old haunted house.

You slowed down the pace of your jog, interchanging it with casual walking as you take in the sight of the rising sun. How many times have you walked these dewy streets that smelled like trees and dried rain? Too many to count. And yet, as much as you had tried to make a home out of this place, the isolating feeling that surrounded you daily was persistent.

It was the tiny voice in the back of your head saying, don't forget, these people aren't your people, and the face you put on every day that you're here isn't your own.

Loneliness was a kind of misery, but the hollow reassurance and comfort that came with proving yourself right every time a friend leaves you, or a man you thought was interested in you doesn't stay for the night, seemed to be the only constant thing in your life. That was until you met Jacaerys, of course.

You pause the music being played through your earphones, stretching your neck right after and deciding that you're ready to go home.

The flight to Dragonstone was in 3 days and you haven't really began packing. How much stuff did you need for a one week trip anyways? It was one of those moments that made you too anxious to do anything which ends up making you feel even more anxious because you haven't done anything. You do a turnaround and start walking back to your place as you reshuffle your morning playlist. A text from Jace pops up as your phone dings;

J: want 2 get breakfast in 20?

You swiped your phone open as you keep walking on a medium pace, replying with a quick OK.

It was a routine the two of you have build for over 2 months now, you'll do your 40 minutes morning jog and he'll be outside your building just in time for you to be done with your shower, eager to get some breakfast.

You're grateful for his company, it had become something you looked forward for daily. And for someone who has went through a fair share of disappointments, you really hope that this one would work out.

Anxiety plagued your thoughts as you rethink the idea of meeting his family for Christmas, what if they all thought you looked different than your photos? What if you say the wrong things or make the wrong joke and they think you're indecent? What if you say nothing and they all think you're boring?

The walk back home tired you enough to forget about those questions momentarily, but being given enough time to overthink once you reached your apartment and jumped into the shower, you figured you'd talk this out with Jace later.

He would probably just end up saying something sweet and useless like 'don't worry, just be yourself', but it's better than nothing.

The mirror becomes your worst enemy this morning, Fill in The Blank is playing from your phone as you stare at your dead eyes and immortalized eyebags. The only thing staring back at you is a reflection of a tired child. To grow up in a constant state of pain and to still be scared and hurting even after the war has ended was an everyday battle.

Because in your head, and even when you're sleeping, the war replays itself until you're worn out from it. You constantly remind yourself that you are now free, but sometimes the memory of it feels so alive that you end up making a prison of yourself despite the falseness of the alarm going off in your head.

Slipping a black t-shirt over your head while you make an estimation of how long it would take Jace to get here, you also let your mind stray for a bit, wondering if it all would've been easier if you were someone else. If Jace had dated someone else.

Maybe, maybe not. It didn't matter, because in the end you were still you, and you've only got yourself to work with.

You were drying your hair when you received another text from Jace saying taht he had arrived. Turning off the hair dryer, you sent a quick text back telling him that you were still getting ready and that the extra key was under the mat outside your door.

You could hear the front door click open 5 minutes later as you're finally done getting ready.

Exiting your room, you found him waiting by the kitchen, helping himself on some oreos that you just bought yesterday.

"I hope you're planning on paying me back for those cookies." You joked from the hall as you pulled out your hoodie from the coat hanger, slinging it over your shoulder. "I'll be paying you with my wonderful presence." He retorted back.

Once you found your purse, the two of you finally left the house to get some real food. After a few rounds of suggestions, you opted for a nearby cafe for some pancakes, though Jace ended up ordering some waffles instead.

The whole place was very secluded and smaller compared to the other cafes and diners in the area, but the meals were good and they were cheaper than the others too. You felt beyond lucky when you realized that it was just you both there in this hour. There were two other girls seated from the opposite of your table, but it was quiet enough to your liking.

"Are you done packing?" Jace asked expectedly. He was increasingly thrilled at the prospect of celebrating Christmas together with his family and his girlfriend. You shook your head no whilst you slurp up your strawberry milkshake.

"I'll start packing this evening." "Don't forget to bring a charger, and socks, because it'll probably be cold by the time we get there- oh, also you need a winter coat, and no slippers, only boots, do you want me to make you a list?" You smiled at him in amusement and answered no.

"I already made a list, I know what to bring, don't worry." He was worried, or maybe that's not the right word. No, he was excitable. "What about your parents?" He asks suddenly, causing you to pause in surprise. "What about my parents?"

He shrugged and inched closer to the table. "Have you told them you're coming with me for the semester break?" You relaxed your face, shrugging off the shocked expression you initially wore. "I don't think it's necessary, even if I wasn't going with you, I still wouldn't be going home either."

"Oh, okay." The silence was ineffable. You could hear a silent question that he didn't dare ask; why?

Your family was a rarely spoken topic in your relationship with him. It was easy to not overthink it at first, but you knew that Jace had noticed how you try your best to never bring them up.

"Plus-" you felt the necessity to add, "-they would probably be against the idea if I did tell them about it." He shares a look of curiosity, expecting you to elaborate. "My parents are kind of a strict." You chose to say. "So, they don't know that we're dating?" You shook your head. "They sound protective of you." He says it so confidently that it made you laugh dryly.

A bitter smile was painted over your face as you kept your eyes on the food. "Controlling, would be a more fitting term."

When you finally looked up to meet his gaze, you could tell there was more he wanted to ask, or comment on, but you weren't in the mood to start explaining your lore to him. Thinking about your family made you nauseous, and you really wanted to eat the pancakes without throwing up. "Believe me, its better this way." You concluded, making sure he won't have room to continue.

"Anyways, aren't you the one who should be briefing me about your family." Jacaerys grinned and seemingly forgot about your earlier conversation immediately. "There's not really much to say, you know my brothers Luc and Joffrey? They're pretty young, little rascals but harmless most of the time." You nodded earnestly, encouraging him to go on.

"My mom and dad are excited to meet you, you have nothing to worry about, I'm honestly more scared that they'll end up preferring you than me."

You snorted at that. "Ah yes, I do have a reputation with old people. Do you think it's my beautiful face?" He pretends to think for a moment before responding, "Well it can't be your charming personality." A laugh burst out of you at his words, causing you to receive a glare from the girls from the other table. You gasped out suddenly, remembering a small detail you've never discussed before. "I should bring gifts right?" A look of realization passes over Jace's face at the same time.

"I mean it's Christmas, I've never done it before, but I know presents are a thing."

Jace was quick to interject, telling you it's no need. "They wouldn't care, our tradition is all about spending time together, presents are just courtesy." He explained.

"Yes well, I should get them gifts as a courtesy then." He opens his mouth to argue but you shut him down immediately before he could. "I won't get anything crazy, it's just courtesy like you said." A lot of people might perceive you as nonchalant and uncaring, but the truth was you've always been the person who cares too much until it backfires.And as much as you wished you weren't so desperate to make a good first impression, you do want to, deep in your heart you knew that.

"Okay, fine, if you want to. But you can just get them some keychain or mugs, especially for my brothers, they're already being spoiled enough." You smile gratefully for his cooperation and agree on his terms.

—

One of your favorite terms in the world is the term "white lie." Any lie is excusable if you call it a white lie. It was a form of manipulation that you were used to being given. At first, you implemented it in your life as a way to please other people. A way to become more likeable and less of a burden.

You spent your whole teenage life trying to earn bits and pieces of your mother's love.

No, I'm not mad that you didn't get it for me and only bought one for my brother. Yes, it is my fault that I'm too sensitive and defensive every time we argue. No, I can't remember the last time you ever hit me. Not even the one time from last week when you pulled me by my hair, dragging me to the bathroom and used the water hose on me.

The truth soon became the most dangerous thing in your life. Candor wasn't appreciated in your home. You must watch your mouth and accept what you are given gratefully.

The cycle lasted for years until you turned 16. You had grown strong enough to push her back every time she tried to land a hit on you. Strong enough to know what to say to make it hurt for her too.

The white lies soon turned into a form of protection. No, I wasn't smoking weed under the bleachers after school hours just because it felt safer there than it does in my room. No, I don't know why I'm being written down for failing several subjects consecutively for the whole year, I thought I was doing just fine. No, I know you're doing all of this because you love me.

No, I don't think I can book a flight home for 5 days. I just got a new job, there's too much shit to do.

You stare down at your phone, the unread text stared back at your face.

M: I don't blame you for not wanting to come home, but if you want to, you can.

The only message you've gotten for her for the whole year. Her ego wouldn't force her to plead for her only daughter to come back. So she plays saint and paints you as the girl who grew up too fast and forgot all about home.

I love you, mom. You wanted to say. Love wouldn't be enough.

When was the last time she ever said that she loved you? You can never recall. It definitely wasn't the day before you went to college. No, the night before was spent holding you from behind as the two of you slept in your childhood bed. She had her face in the crook of your neck and you heard her whisper when she thought you were asleep; you were my mirror, and I'm sorry I broke you into pieces just so it'd match my cracks.

She laid with you for a few more minutes before getting up to leave. You cried until dawn and never got a wink of sleep right after.

You expected the newfound freedom to feel exhilarating, but instead, you felt more out of place during the first week at the university than you did at home. It was comical, ironic, how the only pair of hands you wanted to comfort you were the same ones that had beaten bruises on your skin. I miss you, you almost texted her.

Was it still considered a white lie or a form of manipulation if the only person you wanted to trick was yourself? No, I'm not upset that she never called or texted to ask if I've safely landed. No, I never wonder if she regrets everything she's done to me. No, I don't hate her so much sometimes that it could be translated as a child throwing a tantrum just to get their parents to pay attention to her. No, I don't like having one night stands just to know what it's like to be touched without being inflicted with pain.

No, I never wake up from dreams of you loving me the same way you loved your son and consider it a nightmare instead.

But of all times you've dreamt of her, this time you woke up from it with the only person you wanted comfort from, still sleeping next to you. And for the first time since you could remember, it was not your mother.

Your eyes remained on your phone screen, hung up on every word of the message. Glancing once at your boyfriend, you turn back to your phone to switch it off before you move to lay back under the covers.

---

It was 8 days before Christmas. Watching snow fall from the sky was somehow more magical than getting to sit on a first class plane for the first time

You tried to take pictures from above, but the snow didn't look as clear and visible through the phone as it did from your eyes.

You're hands are fully gloved, with your little bunny designed ear muffs that Jace bought for you a few days ago.

"I feel like that thing from Big Hero 6." You told him before leaving. "His name is Baymax, put some respect on it." Was his response before he pinched your cheeks with both hands.

4 hours later, the two of you are strapped in comfortable seats, the cold getting stronger, and you're both grateful for the winter jackets you had on.

"It's so beautiful." You spoke, looking out from the small window. "Yeah, beautiful." When you twisted your neck to look at him, he was already staring at you. "What?" You asked. He shrugged, face blank. "Nothing."

Neither of you broke eye contact. Your frown deepens as you try to figure out what has trying to tell you. He blinked. You were gonna ask what again until it hit you. "Jace, no."

"I didn't even say anything." He whined, defending himself. "We're not having sex on a plane." "See, I didn't even have to say it, you were just thinking the same thing." You fought the urge to roll your eyes, cocking your head to the side, baffled at his suggestion.

"Do you know how many germs there are on this plane?" He shrugged again. "It's first class." You throw your hands up in frustration. "It's times like these that I remember you're a jock." He should've been offended, but he was still confused about what you mean.

"This place is full of germs, it's not even advisable to wash your face or do skin care on a plane because that's how dirty the air is." You patiently explained, watching him get more confused. "But we're not doing skincare, we're doing each other." You turned away, groaning loudly with your eyes closed.

"You're so boring." He complained like a child. "I'm also gonna snitch on your mom if you don't get your shit together." He snorted at that, pulling out his headphones out of his small slingbag. "She won't believe you, I'm her baby." "Yeah, you are a baby."

His head snapped at you immediately, before he could come up with a smart response that probably would have to do something to do with his penis, You pushed his head back to the other side, patting his cheeks like you would a toddler and quickly put on your headphones.

He turned around again and said something, but at that point you already turned up the volume. "Sorry, I can't hear you baby." He stuck his tongue out in annoyance. You thought you heard him mutter 'baymax looking ass' but didn't react as you didn't want him to think he won.

The flight was 2 and a half hours long. You were sure you could stay awake for that amount of time, but once the flight attendant brought out the heated blanket, the both of you were down in 5 minutes.

The pilot said something through the comm that you were too sleepy to hear once the plane had finally reached the destination. You wiped your eyes with the back of your fists groggily and began shaking Jace to wake up while yawning.

The first nudge did nothing, you started tapping him on the shoulder, which by the 6th tap, you finally got a response; "5 more minutes please."

Only when you leaned closer into his ears and blew air into it does he jolt up, eyes wincing. "That tickles." He murmured, wiping his hand over his tired face. "We're about to land." You informed him, taking your headphones off and passing it to him to keep in his bag. "Okay."

You were honestly eager to get your cramped ass out of the plane, but as you refresh yourself with bottled water, the realization dawned upon you. His mother, or father, would be waiting at the airport.

The comm dinged again as the pilot announced landing. The flight attendants were all quick to get to their seat once a loud zooming noise startled everyone. "There we go." You mumbled under your breath.

He helped you up once you were able to take the seat belt off. Jace slings his bag over his shoulder and uses his right hand to carry your extra duffle bag, his left hand intertwined with yours, helping you descend down the stairs before him.

"Let me hold it." You offered, but he shook his head no. "If my mom or dad saw me making you carry anything they'll strangle me." He sounded serious so you let him penguin walk with your hands still holding his, making your way over the baggage section.

"Are you excited." He asks, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "Over the moon." You answered with a tight smile. If he noticed the sarcasm, he didn't comment on it. "Good, I promise this will be your best Christmas yet." He sounded so convincing that it made you smile against your will.

"It's literally my first Christmas, so I don't think there'll be any competition yet, Jace." "Exactly." You laughed quietly, letting him take the lead as you walked through the crowded space of the airport. Once you got on the elevator, you were going to ask him if he could see his parents from here, but he cut you to it by shouting loudly and waving both your hands up in the air. "We're here!"

Jesus fuck, you thought. If you were anywhere else, you would've immediately pulled his arm down, what with everyone around you glaring at him. But his parents were watching, and you saw his parents wave back excitedly, thankfully neither were yelling back.

The first observation you make as you begin to near them was how much he looked like his father. His mother looked exquisitely different than him. She was beautiful, with platinum blonde hair tied in a bun, her eyes smiled every time her lips did. You found yourself with a small smile, beaming at their joy as his mother started walking towards you both. I don't think I've ever seen anyone's parents this happy to have their child back home.

"Finally." You hear his mother sigh out as she pulls Jacaerys in a hug. She was quick to pull away so she could get a good look at his face. "Look at you, exactly the same." He rolls his eyes. "It's been like 6 months." She ignored his wit and pushed him aside to take you in. You didn't have the time to extend a hand as she pulls you in an embrace too. You yelped at first but hugged her back easily and smiled at her.

"So this is the sweetheart Jace has been keeping from me?" She joked, holding the side of your face with her palms. "I think I should be the one saying that." You didn't know why you said that, but it made her laugh heartily, only after you said it did you realize that it sounded like you were flirting with your boyfriend's mom.

From the corner of your eyes you could see Jace walking over to you with his father. "Have you eaten yet? You must be famished."

L That's another thing you noticed about his family. They use words like famished. The way his mother spoke sounded regal, you could even say royalty.

"Oh it's fine, I've already had some cheesecake on the plane." Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, seeing that her frown deepens. "Oh, that's barely lunch, and it's almost tea time too."

You thought tea time was a myth honestly, something British people made up to sound funny, like the monarchy. As far as you can remember, you grew up only eating one full meal a day at home. Your mother would buy you nothing else and asked if you were really that hungry, you'd assert another white lie and tell her that you really can't eat too much anyways and that your appetite is small.

As you grew older, your appetite did grow smaller, but it ended up making you feel guilty every time you wanted to eat more than once a day, as you would feel like you don't deserve it.

"It's fine, we've cooked up a nice meal back home, once you get yourself cleaned up, we can all eat together." She was incredibly soft spoken, and she looked at you in a very motherly manner. Your thank you was cut off as you hear her husband called out. "Rhaenyra-'' he appears by her side, smiling widely at you, his features remarkably similar to his son. "There you are, the prettiest girl he's ever seen, eh?" He winked at Jace, making him stutter, turning red. "Dad please-" He ignores him just like Rhaenyra did before.

"Well how do you do?" You shook hands with his father, introducing yourself. At least this time you didn't say anything that sounds like you're trying to seduce Jace's father.

Once the formalities was over, his father helped pick up the baggage that finally arrived, they have a large range rover, more than enough to fit 2 weeks worth of clothes. Jace was going to sit in the back with you, but his mother wacked him in the head and told him to sit up front. "You can't bring your girlfriend over and then hoggle her for yourself." She warned him as climbed up the back seat after you.

You're not sure if the reason you're absolutely terrified to look at Rhaenyra was because she doesn't look like a mother of 3 or because you wanted to impress her. But you tried your best to appear calm as her husband started driving. “Have you eaten anything yet sweetheart?” He asks from the front, equally as sweet as his wife.

“Uh, I had a cheesecake-” “Oh a cheesecake? For the whole day? That's not good, Jace, why didn't you buy her anything.” He scolded his son.

“She didn't want anything else-” “That can't be true, you little pig, you can't eat so much and then starve your girlfriend!”

“I'm really fine.” Your assurance wasn't acknowledged as his mother joined in. “That's right, you're lucky we cooked something up.” “She had a cheesecake-” Jace attempts to defend himself, which only made his father snort. “You know how plane foods are, they’re tiny!” You nodded in agreement, quietly whispering, “Yeah they are.” Which earned you a glare from Jace. He did try to get you to eat more, but like he said, you weren't interested. “Already teaming up against me.” He mumbled in annoyance.

The whole car ride home was peaceful. They continued to make small talk with you, asking if you've ever went skiing before, apparently it's something they did every Christmas. “Don't worry, it's quite easy, Jace could teach you when we go together.” Rhaenyra said to you later.

“Does your parents know you're here? We don't want to steal you away from them for your sem break.” Rhaenyra asked apologetically. Why did everyone care so much about whether your parents knew or not? “Oh yeah, they don't mind.” The lie came on so naturally that you forgotten about Jace being told the opposite. He snuck a glance at you but it was too quick that you didn't manage to catch his reaction. ”Good, good.” Rhaenyra concluded, relieved to hear it.

The car pulls up into a guarded neighborhood. You weren't surprised to see that most of the houses inside are mansions, perfected with their own large car porches and a garden. And you weren't surprised to see the house they finally reached in the end was as equally large as the others. The outside walls were gray and cream coloured, you could seentwo different entrances from the side and from the front by the porch.

“Home sweet home.” Jace spoke from his seat. If your house looked like that than it'd be a sweet home too.

—-

It wasn't a bad dream that jolted you awake tonight. But rather the jarring change of surrounding that you weren't used to. Jace lays on his side, an arm lazily hung over your waist. It was his snoring that pulled you out if your confusion. The white and large curtains covering the see through doors of the balcony looked unfamiliar because they aren't yours, they're Jace's.

And the reason why the floor felt so cold once you placed both your feet on the ground after you've gently push his hands off to climb off the bed was because it's made of marble, not concrete like you were used to.

Slipping into the bathroom quietly and turning on the sink tap, the brutal coldness of the water made you wince. You let your fingers familiarize with the feeling before wiping it over your dull face.

It was 2am, the clock hung on the walls of the dimly lit room read. A dreaded and fatigued part of you wanted to get back to bed, but there was a restlessness growing inside of your bones. Today is the third day that you've been here, 6 days until Christmas. You had spent the past few days helping Rhaenyra bake gingerbread cookies and joined in snowball fights with Jace and his siblings.

Your boyfriend definitely had more fun than his younger brothers. How fun it was to be able to chuck 7 snowballs in a row at his girlfriend's face before she starts chasing him into the snowflake covered woods threatening to dropkick him.

You thought things have been going pretty well so far. At first you had worried that your quiet personality would somehow make things awkward, but you seemed to have fit in rather easily with them.

You weren't shy or anything, just more reserved than most. And not that you'd ever tell Jace to his face, but Joffrey probably was your favourite. He was the youngest and the cutest. At first he had completely ignored you on the first night that you arrived, but the next day during breakfast he showingly changed his mind for his dislike or indifference for you by making Jace switch places with him to sit by your left.

It was announced on that very same day that you are to be his favourite person in that house too.

The door made a small creaking noise as you opened it to leave. Walking down the dark corridor that led downstairs, you walked yourself to the kitchen, looking for something to drink. Help yourself to the fridge, Rhaenyra had told you 2 days ago. Well, don't mind if I do.

The fridge light shone over your face like the glow of heaven as you bend down to see your choices. They had cranberry juice, which wasn't exactly your favourite, but it was better than orange juice which was another thing they had. There's bar of chocolate you're tempted to steal, but you have a feeling it's not yours to take.

Just as your hand extends to grab at the cranberry juice, the kitchen lights flicker open, making you flinch so hard that you accidentally banged your head on the upper part of the fridge. "Ow."

"Oh it's just you." Rhaenyra's voice laughed out. Pulling your head out like a snack thief, you smiled sheepishly at her.

"Sorry, was gonna grab a drink." She shook her head and head over to the kitchen sink, washing her hands. "It's fine, I thought you were Joffrey, he likes to steal his brother's chocolate bars." Well that's something the two of you have in common.

"What are you drinking?" She asks turning to look at you. "Just cranberry juice." She hummed in disagreement, shaking her head. "In this cold season? Take a seat, I'll make some tea." You have never jumped so quickly to interject anyone. "Oh no, It's fine! Really, it's 2am, I should probably get back to sleep anyways.".

She seems to take light of your argument, already pulling out a teapot and a small Camomile teabag. "Oh it's no bother, if you weren't craving anything then you wouldn't be awake rummaging through the fridge anyways." You stood awkwardly by the closed fridge watching her add hot water into the pot. "Fetch me the sugar will you?" You moved quickly to pull out the tub of sugar from one of the kitchen cabinets, passing it to her.

"So, what's keeping you up at night?" You shrugged lightly, leaning against the kitchen counter as you didn't want to sit and wait at the table like a brat. "Nothing really, I'm insomniac, so..." Her eyes widened momentarily. "Oh really?" You nodded.

"Mmhm, I take medication for it, but sometimes it doesn't work." She reacts with a string of Ooohs, stirring inside the pot with a long spoon.

"Melatonin?" You nodded again. That, and some anti psychotics.

Once she's finally done with the tea, you sat by her as she poured it into two mugs for the both of you. It was odd that she was up for small talk this late in the night, but you enjoyed conversing with her. "You know I don't think I've ever asked you what major you are, and that silly boy has never told me." "I'm an art major." You answered. She smiled so dotingly at the response, sincerely intrigued. "An art major? You can draw then?" You hummed positively. "Draw, paint a little."

She sips her hot tea patiently. "I'm a fan of art myself, have you heard of Egon Schiele?" You laughed breathily. "Of course, who doesn't?" Rhaenyra tipped her head to the side in a small nod of agreement. "I have some of his paintings on my office, his works had been a favourite. Quite an expressive man isn't he?" You considered the man's work with his personal life. "Not exactly a role model but yeah, he is."

Your tea is finished, but you remain unmoved on the chair, waiting for her to continue. "You know I believe that the arts is the heart of humanity. Some people might not agree, people who can't see beyond the techniques and brush strokes, but art is what happen when you try to make beauty out of pain, isn't it? I mean as stereotypical as it sounds."

Your eyes were no longer droopy from sleepiness, they match the pure intensity Rhaenyra's had. "It is. Without art, and I don't mean just paintings- I mean poetry and literature and theatre, pain would just be pain. Meaningless." "Exactly."

You don't know what the silent words being exchanged through your gazes actually meant, but something did cross between the two of you, an understanding of a sort, an alliance in beliefs.

"I also believe that those who dabble in art, in any mediums, are the ones who love the strongest and lose the hardest." An unintentional smile bloomed over your face. "Tell me about it." Rhaenyra laughs lightly. "Have you always dabbled in art?" She questioned.

You relive blurry memories of badly drawn trees and stick humans done when you were a child. "Sure, yeah. I've always liked it. I mean it's not just this magical talent I have or anything, as much as the arts is viewed in a much bigger scale of its effects to society as a whole, it's could also be deemed important in indivual intepretation."

Rhaenyra leans back against her chair, hands placed on her lap politely. "Like for example- art is intimate because it is yours.

- It doesn't have to have a deeper meaning all the time and neither does it have to emotionally strike you for it to be considered art. To love, some people say, is to be understood. But we can never truly understand anyone, no matter how hard we think we can.

-And so I think that art, just like people, can be loved even without context. Whatever feeling it sparks inside of you, it is intimate because it is complicated, and it is intimate because it can mean a hundred different things to a hundred different people."

Her expression was unreadable. You wondered if you have confused or overwhelmed her. But after a few minutes of silence, she asked; "And what about people?" "What about it?"

"You compared it to art, and you said art needn't be understood to be loved, does the same goes for people?" You clasped your cold hands on the warm mug and pursed your lips together, your thoughts racing each other.

"Yeah, it does. I mean I use to think that being with a person who understood you was the most important thing in the world, and though it does feel good to finally be seen by someone else, like I said before, it is nearly impossible to be truly understood. And so, the second best thing would be to be loved despite not being understood. To have someone who believes in you, even if they're not sure about the situation or the facts or your rationality, that is love. To be believed in."

"Faith?" Rhaenyra suggests. "Yes, faith."

You stood up right after, taking her empty cup to wash for too despite her complaints, hand washing them as you're not sure how to use a dishwasher. "I'm glad you're here." Rhaenyra spoke from behind you. It wasn’t the validation that had struck you so deeply in the chest, nor was it her appreciation for you, instead, ot was her acceptance. "I'm glad I'm here too."

In this small moment between 2 to 3am on a Thursday at your boyfriend's kitchen, you wonder if you've found the right kind of people to call home.

"Thanks for the tea, I hope I didn't keep you up." You thanked her in a hushed voice, genuinely grateful. She returned your smile and squeezed your shoulder softly. "You did no such thing, now go get some sleep, alright?"

When you returned to Jace's room, you find him sitting up on the bed in the dark. You closed the door behind you slowly and tiptoed towards him.

"Where'd you go?" He asks sleepily, pulling you close to his chest as he moves to lie back down. "Went to get a drink." You whispered back. "For 20 minutes?" You snorted and lifted your head up to kiss him on the cheek before placing your head back under his chin. "Your mother couldn't sleep either, she made tea."

Jace accepted the response, asking no more questions. His arms wrap around your body the way a ship holds on to an anchor. You didn't know how much you needed someone to need you until you met him.

You notice that he's still awake, with the way his finger is lightly tapping the skin of your shoulder. "Did I wake you up? Sorry." You feel him shaking his head slightly. "No, I was just thinking." He mumbled back. "About?" You inquired him.

"You, I miss you." You frowned and pulled back to look at him. "I'm right here." He shrugged. "I know, but sometimes you're not. Sometimes you're here but when I look at you, you're gone. And I don't know how to bring you back." You feel a splinter in your heart when he said that. How foolish you are to expect him to be so stupid to never notice how unstable you can be at times, how easily you dissociate and push him away before pulling him right back.

"I'm sorry." You told him sincerely, not sure what else there is that could be said.

"I'm not angry, or upset. I just want you to know that Im right here with you too, and I'm not going anywhere." You smiled sadly at him and nodded. "I know." Your noses booped together and he returns your small smile. "Anything you need me for, I'm here." Jacaerys assures you, half yawning. "I just need you to trust me, and I'll trust you. Can you do that for me?" He stared silently for a moment and then nodded once. "Okay, I trust you. But you have to honor your end."

You pecked his lips with one hand caressing his cheek. "I trust you." You promised.

—

It was 3 days before Christmas. You've spent the past week skiing and building a snowman with the kids. These past few days have been so suspiciously peaceful that it's terrifying.

You're on edge, despite the happiness this family has brought you. You like to tell yourself that you're just being careful, but the truth is that sometimes you can't tell the difference between a house fire and a small candle.

You had texted your mother 2 days ago, confessing to her that you've been spending this week with your boyfriend's family. You made sure to keep your lie about your job going, stating that this visit was a last minute kind of thing. She never answered.

She shouldn't be bothered, you soothed yourself. She never cared if you ever actually came home or not, why should this be an exception?

You and Jacaerys have spent the day going from shop to shop, eyeing beautiful Christmas lights and discounts available. You started with a bakery in the morning, Rhaenyra's suggestion. You had gotten free tastings on many of the popular cake choices before Jace finally settled on buying his mother's favourite Lemon cake.

He had urged you to pick something for yourself and you landed on some éclairs, finishing them up on the car ride to the antique gift shop a few blocks further.

The store had a giant nutcracker statue staring out from inside the windows, they reminded you of the old Christmas movies you spent watching as a child. The bell on the door jiggled loudly as you entered after Jace, a longing gaze towards the nutcracker, hints of nostalgia filling up your heart.

An elderly lady guarded the counter with a smile. "Looking for anything in particular?" She asks. Jace shook his head and smiled back. "Just looking around." He soon found himself crouching down at the snow globe sections, pulling a few out of the shelves to eye the intricate details.

You had walked to the candle shelves, admiring the colourful choices. There was another nostalgic thing on candles too. A superstitious kind. The way you used to blow on them for every birthday or random nights you remembered to lit up your rose scented candles that stays on your bedside, wishing on them like you do on a shooting star.

Asking for some kind of mercy from whichever god there was looking down at you. But in the end you had to pull yourself up without any kind of divine intervention. You had learned that there was only one god inside of you, and she was a girl fed on rage and grievance who spent her nights weeping in her empty altar.

The girl was still there, quieter now, but unflickering, unlike a candle.

You eye the red coloured candle gently, sniffing on the wax to identify the scent. Rose. You place it back on the shelf and move on to the cutlery sets.

You loved cutlery, plates and mugs. Maybe it's the 20s getting to you, but some days you feel that the house decoration section of IKEA was better than any night club you've been in. A beautiful chipped cup stared at you from the lower shelves. It was beautiful, purple flowers drawn on the curves and long thing green ropes on the holder.

You were pulling it out to look inside when your phone suddenly dinged multiple times, buzzing in the pocket of your pants. Clumsily, you pushed the cup back in and took your phone out whilst still crouching.

M: Is this some sort of tantrum you're throwing?

the first notification read, making you frown. You don't have the strength to swipe open the screen to read the full sentence, only reading what's shown on your lockscreen. Just before you could click it off after pressing mute, another notification enters, the words too bright, reading themselves aloud to you.

M: you're selfish, do you ever think about anyone else but yourself? It's always how you feel because only yo-

the full message was cut off as another notification enters. Irritation filled you the same time that your eyes pricked with angry tears. You blinked a few times to get rid of it as you shove your muted phone back in your pants.

I can't fucking deal with this right now. You told yourself. Your phone buzzed again, making you harshly take it back out to turn off the vibration.

It always has t be a problem with her. Selfish she called you? On the one time you decided to do something fo yourself?

Pulling yourself up to stand your kneed are met with the cup that's still half out from it's shelf, shoving it behind strongly, a small crash sound turned your whole body into stone.

You bend back down immediately, pulling out the chipped mug and the small broken pieces of it's corners. You could hear the owner getting up. Shit shit shit. "What was that sweetie?"

You turned to her with a saddened expression. "I'm so sorry, I'll pay for it-" the woman's eyes moved from your face to the glass pieces and gasped. "Oh my, wait here- I'll get the broom." As soon as she disappeared to the store room, Jacaerys was by your side in the next second. "What happened?" He bends down.

"It was an accident, I smashed it with my knee." Your voice was shaky and you feel your fingers prick as you try to sweep the pieces onto your left palm before the lady returned. "Baby, put it back, she's bringing the broom." He warned you. You shook your head lightly and kept picking up the tiny sharp ones. "It's fine, I got it-" Jace grabbed your hand and turned it upside down so they fall back on the ground.

"Jace what the fuck is wrong with you." You snapped, pulling your hand back. Your voice was high, close to yelling. "Your hand is fucking bleeding, there's literal cuts." He argued back, trying and failing to grab at your wounded hand.

The store room door opened loudly, the both of you turned to see the lady walking over quickly with a small broom. "Move aside you two." She ordered calmly.

"I can do it for you, it was my fault." You offered her, ignoring how Jace is trying to pull you back. "Oh no, it's fine sweetie, it happens all the time." You opened your mouth to ask again, desperate to try and fix the mess you made, but you could feel Jace's grip on your arm tightening and stayed silent.

"I didn't mean to." You whispered. His grip loosens, his hand moved from your arm to your shoulder. "It's fine, I'll pay for it." He immediately widened his eyes to warn you to keep quiet, knowing you'd argue against it. "Let me pay for it now, we'll discuss this later." He muttered closely to you. Your lips pursed together, not wanting to say or do anything you can't take back, you shush up.

There is large wave of emotion building up inside of you. It was overwhelming because it's not just one emotion. As the anger dissolves into pathetic guilt, you bite your lip from bursting out crying. Blinking fastly for a few more times, you managed to keep your breakdown from blowing up.

Standing by the door like a rock, you watch as Jace pulls out his purse to pay for the damage. You can see the lady shaking her head, denying his money. "It's old, not worth anything." You hear her say to him.

He ended up buying a tint snow globe and aa keychain anyways, to make up for the broken cup. She seemed to hold no grudge in her expression, smiling at the two of you and saving as you left.

Neither of you said anything on the walk to the car. Once you got in and strapped on the seatbelt, you twisted your face to him to see if he was upset and noticed that he was frowning. He hands you the small plastic gift, looking straight up front. A small sigh leaves him after he turns up the AC. the car engine noise filling up the tension between you.

"It was an accident." You repeated. He finally turns to you, with a look much worse than rage. Disappointment, pity. "I know." He responds softly. "I was just trying to clean it up, I felt bad." He nodded quietly, slowly averting his gaze to the steering wheel.

More silence filled the gap. When he finally steps on the pedal to reverse out of the parking, you turned away to look out the window in resolve. Nothing was said throughout the whole ride home.

Rhaenyra was excited to have you both home by evening. Her husband was quickly chastised for taking the first bite off of her cake. The sight was both amusing and endearing. You would've smiled in another scenario.

Jace talked and moved like nothing happened, offering for you to take a shower first before him, helping his mother with the dishes as the children are scolded for running around the kitchen. "Go to your room." Jace forced them with a kind of authority that you rarely see in him.

You watch the kids run up pass you, saying hi to you before they disappeared to their rooms.

Going for a shower yourself, you found solace in the privacy that his bathroom gave you. Letting the hot water run down your body along with your tears, you couldn't tell the difference between whicb and which.

Your face and eyes was red by the time you were done, the hot water obviously helped with that. But the warmth after cold skin biting walks was calming, even with the overthinking that came with today's events, the shower helped to bring down the temperature of your emotions.

Washing your face with cold water from the sink next, you avoid looking in the mirror. Shame erupted inside your chest, like a child scorned and embarrassed by their own behaviour.

You could hear Jace walk in the room from the bathroom. The door makes a sound as it's shut close. Letting your hair down for the first time today, you combed the wild strands with your fingers, lightly massaging your head as you brave yourself to face him again.

You didn't do anything wrong, why are you so scared?

You push the door open and dry your feet on the carpet outside of it. Jace was sitting on his bed, shirtless and charging his phone by the bedside.

He gives you a glance when be hears your footsteps and then turns back away like it's nothing. You're as watchful as him as you begin to dress yourself, sliding a green long-sleeved shirt over your head. You'd layer a cardigan over it later, but for now you're craving the chill after your hot shower.

He gets up to place his snow globe on his dressing table and hooked the small heart shaped keychain on his laptop bag. You sat yourself on the bed, feeling it dip and watching him still.

He turns on the small light on the front of his room after he's done closing all the curtains, and then you watch him take his trousers off before taking down his towel from the coat hanger and enter the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Hearing the sound if water begin falling from where he's in, you let your shoulder relax, a tired sigh escapes you.

You leaned back against the pillows and closed your eyes for a moment, letting the world around you turn dark.

—

The first time Jacaerys had slept over in your apartment was the first time he ever knew you were on multiple medication. It was the first time the two of you ever had sex, and he had passed out easily after. You, despite being tired, found yourself kept awake by your thoughts.

You can't remember what exactly kept you up but it was 2 hours in when he was startled awake by your shuffling around.

You had spent the last hours contemplating if you should grab a pill to help fall asleep or if it was too late and the pill would cause you to sleep in on tomorrow morning's class. And so the indecisiveness resulted in you trying your best and failing to fall asleep naturally. He looked up at you groggily and frowned.

"How you been awake the whole time?" He asked. You sighed tiredly and laid on your back.

"Yeah, sorry, did I wake you?" He shook his head and wiped a hand over his face. "You didn't, it's fine. I just thought you'd be down easy after all that."

You snorted and shook your head. "I'm insomniac."

"Oh." You nodded. "Yeah I have meds for it, but sometimes the pills all just clash together and it doesn't really work." He hummed in understanding. You noticed he doesn't ask more about the pills. It was either he didn't care or he was being respectful. You learned weeks in later that it was the latter. Unsurprisingly.

"Well, what do you do when you can't sleep?" You shrugged your shoulders. "Dunno. Watch stuff on my phone."

"What do you usually watch?" He asks, characteristically interested. "Gay sex." His head jolted forward and his eyes immediately widened. "I'm joking."

His shock immediately watered down as he gave you a faint laugh in response. "Right, of course."

You spent the rest of the night talking to him until your body gave in and you collapsed around his arm around dawn.

It's not an easy thing to forget, a man's first show of affection in small subliminal ways that some people might not notice. But you did, you always do.

That was not the last time you'd see him sacrifice his own comfort to make you feel less lonely than you already were. In a room full of people, colleagues, friends and family, you found that only he had the power to make you feel seen.

Other people looked at you and saw what you let them see. But Jacaerys was willing to pay much more attention to the things other people didn't want to. Your condition, whatever it's called (most people call it complicated), often made people uncomfortable. How is it a person like you could be so non chalant yet care so much at the same time. How was it you were reserved, but not shy or accepting of anyone's attempts to step over you?

They can't quite understand the complexity of being a damaged person that still tries their best to undo those damages on a daily. Niceties didn't always equal empathy. You learned that very early on in your life. To find someone who wouldn’t try to fix the hard parts of your self or resent you for them wasn't easy.

Most men, that you knew of, will either try to "fix" you in an attempt to make themselves feel heroic. Like a savior. And when they realise too far in that those scars you bared was unreversable, they use it againts you instead. They paint you out to be the bad guy for those same traits they promised and vowed to be so understanding of.

And for almost the only time ever in your life that night, you didn't feel like your secrets were owed to anyone. A safe space was a place you knew you could be vulnerable with, but t was also supposed to be a place where you knew you could still be caution with all your walls up and still wouldn't be judged for it.

It was him who stayed through the cold shoulders and unanswered questions. And so, it was also him who you then trusted your whole heart with.

---

You were woken up 30 minutes before dinner time. Feeling the soft nudge Jacaerys gave you, shaking you awake easily. His hand lingered on your shoulder until you were sitting up fully. You thanked him and went up to the bathroom to wash your face.

"Mom's making lasagna tonight." He says ftom outside the bathroom door. He no longer referred to Rhaenyra as 'my mom', including you as part of the family without any awkwardness.

"I love lasagna." You called back. "I know."

The cold sink water have been getting warmer and warmer as the snow outside begins to melt. The weather was still antagonizing, but driving through the wet road was easier now, and morning showers are less dreadful.

"You know, we don't really get snow back home." You quipped as you turn off the sink, making your way out. "Really?" He asked, genuinely astonished.

"Yeah, it's a much warmer climate where I'm from." He was putting on a sweater by his mirror when you came out, his eyes met yours through the reflection. "So, you've never built a snowman before?".

You smiled and nodded, walking over to the bed. "Nope, the one we did the other day was my first time." Snowman building and snowball fights were fun, though you wouldn’t admit to your boyfriend that you much preferred staying inside with the heater on as you munch on some cookies and hot chocolate.

You were layering moisturiser over your face when you hear Jace speak, "I forgot to tell you, your mom called on your phone while you were sleeping." You froze for a second before your hands resumed massaging your face with the product.

"Oh, did you talk to her?" You asked, giving him a quick glance. Jacaerys shook his head and you felt relief spread through your whole body.

He sat by your side, watching you do your skincare routine meticulously. "I muted it, but you should probably call her back, it was two misscalls." You hummed uncaringly, as if it was the least important thing in the world, not wanting to give out a suspicious reaction.

The truth was you did not have the guts to check your messages at all since you came back from the shopping trip. You had her on mute and that had helped calm your nerves. But knowing that she had went as far as calling you twice, which believe it or not, is the first time you've ever had that much attention from her, was anxiety inducing.

"I'll call her later." You stated, noticing him still staring at you from the corner of your eyes. "Why did you say that she already knew you were here when we first arrived at the airport?" He asks suddenly.

There weren't any direct correlations of this question to the current situation, but it was unsurprising that he had brought this up. In fact, you have been waiting for him to do so.

"I did tell them." You answer bluntly. "You told me a few days before that you didn't want to." You closed the cap of your face serum and stashed it back inside your small bag, taking yout time with the conversation.

"I changed my mind. I was telling the truth when I said I didn't want to tell them at first, but I figured they should know. In case of emergencies." He was content with the answer, making no more inquiries.

Dinner was quick and quiet. You helped cut the marble cake Rhaenyra had made into small square shapes before its passed around to the whole table after prayers were spoken together.

There were no leftovers of it or the lasagna by the time it was over. You could tell that the older woman was overjoyed. She was someone who put all of her love and effort into everything that she does for her family, and watching her children appreciate the hard work of a mess she made in the kitchen must've felt rewarding.

You helped her with the dishes until everyone else except Jace had left. She argued against it at first, insisting that you were a guest and shouldn't have to do anything. But you refused to leave until the kitchen was clean, so she had you sweep crumbs and pieces out of the carpet while Jace was to take out the trash.

"It's good to have another woman here." She said to you as she stacks up the dry plates back to the shelves.

Throwing out the collected trash into the dustbin, you offered her a small laugh. "I'm glad you feel so."

You went up first after the cleaning was done, leaving Jacaerys with his mother, discussing the Christmas tree arrangements.

The medium sized plastic tree they had ordered last week finally arrived, and it was up to him to fix it up on their livingroom by the end of today.

You considered your gift for his family that you had handmade a few days before you flew here. It would've been easier to buy something, but buying them all an individual gift would be costly, and Jacaerys himself have warned you against that, deeming it unnecessary.

And so your ivory and indigo themed painting of Daisies and Forget Me Not's would be enough.

It was an image that you had longed to paint for a long time, two contrasting coloured flowers tangled together. But with all the assignments and homework that your degree was already requesting of you, there hadn't be any time for you to make it up until the week before you an Jace left.

It wasn't your best work, but it was your favourite. The subtlety that tied together on the canvas satisfied you.

Jace came up shortly after you had. Mumbling something about the decorations looking shitty. Ignoring the fact that you were reading on the bed, jumped on it suddenly, making you bounce up. "Hello?" You snapped, waving your book.

He raised his brows innocently, laying down on the pillows. "All you do is read and paint." He whined. "I like reading and painting."

He poked your right thigh with his toes making you pause reading to slap his feet as a warning. "Get a hobby." You could feel his eye roll from behind you. "Loving you is my hobby."

You kept your eyes on the book as you responded, "how lifeless you must be." Your book is snatched from your hand right after your sentence is finished. "Give it back you gorilla." You twist yourself towards him, trying to reach for the book as he held it up over your head.

"No, this thing has taken over my place as the center of your attention." You let out a loud hah! Pushing him down against the bed and pried the book from his cold hands as he kept his grip on it.

"Bold of you to assume you were ever the center of my attention." He gasped and you took the opportunity to grab the book while his hand loosens.

"How can I not be the center of your attention? Look at me." He spoke seriously.

The book was safely placed by your side, but now he's grabbing you over him instead. "You know I only agreed to date you just in case I'd need to apply for a green card." You gritted out as he squeezes your face against his cheek. Jacaerys' facade of being offended broke and he threw his head back in a boisterous laugh, letting you slip away from him

Shoving him strongly while he's still choking on laughter, he fell off the bed with an oof and landed face down, drawing out a laugh from you instead.

Pulling himself back up, he squints his eyes and glared at you. "You're so boring."

What he views as boring is your kind of fun and that was just how it is. "What do you want us to do instead? Have a slumber party?" He tilt his face, genuine considering it. You cut him off before he could agree. "No- We're not doing that, because I know your definition of slumber party."

"I thought you liked my definition of a slumber party." He asks, laying his head on your lap and letting you get your few pages in for the night. "We're at your parent's house, I don't think they'd like your definition of a slumber party." He hummed and said nothing else, closing his eyes as he stays against your thighs.

You suspected it was either the white wine or the sugar rush of the three squares if marble cake that he had tonight that was making him slightly more hyper. Whatever it was, it's refraining him from being able to just sit his ass down. You once asked him if he had ADHD during your first month of dating, he vaguely answers 'probably' and started talking about something else right after.

Speedreading the last 3 pages of the chapter you're in, you thought he had fallen asleep until he turned around so he would face up to you. "Do you want to go see the Christmas lights?"

You barely heard what he said at first, trying to finish reading the last sentence of the page. "Huh?" He repeated what he said again, waiting for you to close your book and meet his eyes.

When you finally do, you looked down at him with skepticism. "Right now?" He nodded. It was around 8.30, not that late, but also pretty early. You tossed and turned the suggestion in your head until you finally just shrugged at him. "Are they really that pretty?"

"This street is full of mansions wrapped with gigantic traffic lights coloured decorations. Pretty sure the Millers have a gigantic Elf statue outside their gate." You blinked in surprise. "That's...festive."

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, rich people stuff."

You'd counter back that he was rich too, but there aren't any weird Santa statues in this house yet, so you say nothing. "We don't have to see the ones around this neighbourhood, I know the street stalls are gonna be lit up all around tonight, We could drive around, grab a burger or something."

You were still full from the lasagna, but a burger sounded appealing. You had grown up around street foods and cheap oily burgers and fries from stalls by your house. The taste was always better than whatever clean expensive food you've ever had in your life. You were eager to get out of this place suddenly.

"Okay, sure. Let me finish one more chapter and we can go." Jacaerys cheered, fist bumping the air before he rolled off of you to go change into something thicker.

It ended up being an hour later when you were finally done with the book, managing to convince your dressed up boyfriend on his reindeer sweater that it's much too early still.

To make up for your lack of priority for the time, you were punished to wear a matching red sweater like his. Putting it on with a grumble and frown, he had no idea that you secretly liked the sweater but would rather die than confess it aloud.

You let him get downstairs first to inform his mother of your plans. He was already starting the car engine when you got down, his parents and young Joffrey were all settled on the couch, watching Bluey.

Rhaenyra smiled as you walked by. You waved at her as you're about to walk out and hear her call out to her son. "Be back before 11, or I'll lock you both out!"

"Yeah, yeah." Jace yelled back and closes the door.

You hopped on the passenger seat of his Range Rover with ease and put on the seatbelt while he starts to reverse the car out of parking.

"So, where first?" You ask.

"We could start with stalking our neighbour's houses and then go on a drive down the street- or, we could go down the street first and then stalk our neighbours." You don't miss the way he referred to his neighbours as ours. "I think we should stalk the weird elf dude first, we'll probably be starving again by the time that's done, and then we can go straight to the shops and get a burger."

"Oh wow, you had this all planned out didn't you?" He sounded amused.

"Well, better safe than sorry." He wore a puzzled expression at your words but did not ask for clarification.

The house with the 5'4 elf wasn't that far away from his, and true his words were, the elf did exist by the large gates.

It had a green pointy hat on and wore a red vest with blue buttons.

"The Italian flag?" You whispered out in confusion, watching through the binoculars Jace had stolen from his younger brother. "I think...that's the Christmas colours, not the Italian flag." He whispered back, taking the binoculars from you.

"Oh right, of course." This had to be the first and last time you said something that stupid around him. You had a reputation to keep of being the smart one

What's more terrifying than the large demonic eyes of the elf staring at you was how there were also multiple tiny elves surrounding the big one, like little elf babies with adult elf faces. They crowded around the feet of the big elf, building what seemed like an elf shrine.

"It's like a cult." Jacaerys spoke after a while. You thought the exact same thing.

"Like little cultish elves worshipping their elf messiah." Jace lowered the binocular and snapped his neck towards you. "You think this is legal?"

You frowned at him. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, i mean it's a bit disturbing isn't it, like, doesn't this count as property damage or something, or least neighbourhood disturbance."

"The only authority figure I could imagine would have a problem with this is Santa Claus for illegal use of elves, besides that, I don't think a statue of Elf on the shelf would count as a distubance at all." He looked uncomfortable at your explanation, and only then did it click in your head.

"Jace, are you scared of the 5'4 static Elf?"

His silence and slow reaction was answer enough. You gasped in realization. "You are!"

"I'm not fucking scared of the Elf." He denied strongly as you leaned against the locked car door in shock. "I'm just...disturbed. It's almost the same height as me."

"You can't blame the elf for your growth problems." He glared at you and started the car on reverse. "That's the worst thing you've ever said to me, worse than the time you compared me to the hunchback of Notre Dame."

You burst out a giggle at the random memory. "Oh my god, the hunchback of Notre Dame!" You recalled the nickname joyfully. "Well, it made you fix your posture. Also you called me Baymax last week, so it cancels out.

Jace drives the car out of the neighbourhood, waving at the security guard who stood by the post to open the gate. Making a turn on his right, he heads straight for the streetshops.

"You called yourself Baymax, I just corrected you." He defends himself.

It took longer than usual to get there, considering that so many other people there had the same idea as them. Jace had to turn on the heater when halfway near the destination, snow began to fall down from lonely starless sky.

It was microscopic and beautiful. You had wanted to reach yout hand out through the window and grabbed one of the flakes on the palm of your hands, but you refrained from doing it

In the back of your head, you can hear the cynical voice of your mother calling your childlike awe a sign of immaturity.

People like you who thinks life is all about dreams and art and poetry are the kind of people who ends up in the street once your hopes have failed you.

You let yourself enjoy the scenery before Jace finally parks the car bynthe side of the road. He helps you get off the ride and locked it securely before intertwining your hands together and heading to the burger stall that's a block away from where you two stood.

"The traffic's gonna be crazy tomorrow." He mutters under his breath, looking up as the snowflakes continue to fall down. "Because of the snow?" You ask anyways, despite knowing the answer.

"That, and because people are going to head back home or wherever they came from for Christmas day." Ah yes, of course.

The holiday that you came here for.

"Well I can't imagine the traffic on the day after Christmas would be any more pleasing." He nods in agreement, scrunching up his nose in displease.

Thank god for their first class flight.

The burger order took less than 5 minutes. You sat down next to him by the door of a closed pawnshop as you ate it all up. The flavor of red chilli sauce and mayo filled you mouth, it felt like a reminiscent of an old memory.

You finished it faster than Jacaerys and stood up to walk over past the streetlamp to take a closer look at the glorious crescent moon that stared back at you from above.

Lifting both your hands up, you use them to cover the blurry glow of the lamp from your sides to let yourself see the moon better. You weren't sure how long you had been standing there just staring at it, but it didn't matter because even after years of knowing the exist of the moon, it's beauty never fail to leave you in awe every time you see it

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone this excited to see the moon." You hear your boyfriend tease from behind you. He must have already finished his burger. "Oh you haven't seen me with the stars yet.".

You could feel him smiling from behind as he places a hand on your shoulder. "Not much of them tonight." He noted. "Yeah, it's like they're all in hiding."

Letting your heart whisper out one last wish on the stunning moon, you turned back towards Jacaerys with pursed lips and raised brows. "Well, where are we going next?" He smiles back. "I think the bookstore up front is doing 20% off."

---

Jacaerys Strong is scared of a lot of thing. He's scared of learning new stuff. He is scared of heights and pests and gigantic sized elfs.

But his biggest fear these past few months is accidentally saying the wrong thing at the wrong time around you.

He realized very early on that when it came to being in a relationship with you, patience was a major key that was necessary. And just because he had succeeded in waiting long enough for you to finally unlock that door, it didn't mean that there were no more locks in the future.

But sometimes he's not sure which room he is in and he can't tell which key is for which. It's not that you're overly complicated, just more confusing than some. There were many times where he felt inclined to listening and studying the way you act instead of tryong to pry details out of you.

Pressuring you into opening up or trying to make whatever you two have go faster would be a recipe for disaster.

There was a discount indeed when you both got to the bookstore. Despite his reputation of being more muscles than brains, Jacaerys liked reading. He wasn't exactly an avid reader before he met you, but he enjoyed reading whatever you recommended him to so that the both of you could talk about it together afterwards.

You spent some time on the Young Adult shelf before moving onto the Classics and New Adult sections while your boyfriend strayed away to the other shelves but still remained close to you. And after 20 minutes of searching about, you finally picked up a copy of The Essex Serpent while Jace bought himself The Crucible.

"I didn't take you for a play kind of guy." You commented as you walk out the store. "I've read a few of them this year actually." He admits as the two of you make way to his car. "Really?" You sounded astonished, he couldn't blame you.

"Yeah, I actually had to read All's well that end's well and Hamlet for my lit class, but i liked them so I decided to read Macbeth too just for fun."

"You can understand Shakespeare?" You ask with a frown. He makes a face at your words. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

"I'm not. I tried Romeo and Juliet in like 11th grade, couldn't understand shit." You explained.

You liked reading and you liked literature, but you weren't good at understanding old english writing. Growing up, it felt like you weren't allowed to indulge in two kinds of hobbies that leaned more towards the artistic side of education. Your mother has always regarded your passion for the arts as a waste of times. I've never met an artists that didn't die suffering. She had told you when you were 13 years old after she had thrown out all of your drawing books because you were getting below B+ on your mathematic and science subjects.

"Did your school not have a literature class?" You shook your head no. "We had normal English for like, grammar, vocabulary, and essays. But we were never taught to read the classics or poetry like a lot of the other public schools."

Jacaerys was a private school boy, so of course his classes were much more detailed and well organized compared to the ones held in public schools.

"That sounds boring." It was boring, when you finally entered college and was able to attend literature class as an elective subject, you found that your passion for the language still burned bright even after years.

The next half an hour was spent driving down the road and looking at the fairy lights hung from streetlamp to streetlamp. A lot of the shops had plastic made snowmans guarding the door of the place.

More snow began heavily filling up the ground, it was getting the people around the place even more excited. You could see parents with their children, and teenagers with their friends running around trying to catch the snowflakes and bending down to investigate the ones that have fallen.

If it weren't for the blistering cold, you'd probably get off the vechicle to join them.

An old toyshop by the end of the road even had these stunning little rudolph the red nosed reindeer figures staring out from inside the shop. Jace suggested going in to check the place out, but you were getting comfortable in your seat, just enjoying the view from inside.

Clenching your toes tightly in an attempt to warm them up, the fuzzy pair of socks you had on were no help. "I think we should just stay inside, used enough money for today."

"Broken enough stuff too." He responds in a joking manner as he pulls over in a singular parking lot behind an empty building.

You feel a something snap in your head as you turned to him. "Are you still mad about that?" He wore a puzzled expression at the question but still kept his eyes on his front despite the car already being parked. "I'm not mad at you, I was just joking." He responds in a weary intonation.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better." You said calmly. Sometimes people lie as not to offend the other person, but you wanted him to know that he could be honest with you on how be feels. "I know you were at least a little upset, that's why you wouldn't speak to me when we got home."

He turns off the front lights of the car and the engine, and then pulled his seat back slightly, getting more comfortable. When he finally looks at you, it was the kind of look that you have ling deciphered as a stare of commiseration. The kind that you give to starving stray dogs outside your door.

"Don't look at me like that, don't be patronizing." You warned him, leaning your back on the car door. "I'm not patronizing you, I didn't even say anything."

"You're looking at me like you feel bad, don't fucking feel bad. If you're angry at me, then tell me you're angry at me. I'm not a child, I can take it." He opened his mouth to argue against that but closed it just as fast as he opened them.

Glancing to his side like he's searching fir some sort of support, he meets your eyes again after a second, and spoke with much more confidence; "I'm not mad at you, I never was." You fold your arms together, shaking your head.

"Then why were you so silent on the way back- and don't say it's nothing, I know the difference between comfortable silence and awkward silence." He waves his arms in resignation and stutters out as he struggles to really think of a good response.

"Honestly?" You nod once. "I-I just didn't know, how to speak to you."

"What does that mean?" You pushed him to elaborate. "I mean, it's just that in certain times- certain situations, you can get so...vulnerable. Like you're seconds away from breaking. And in times like those, I'm just not sure how to approach or comfort you.

-I mean god knows I was never good with comforting people, but when you get so frustrated and upset, I'm just scared that if I say the wrong things or ask the wrong questions, I'll accidentally hurt you more and push you away from me further."

The pity in his eyes were gone, replaced with worry instead. You take in every words he says with a sharp piercing in your heart. "Oh."

A part of you is relieved to know that he was never really angry. Another part of you despises him for viewing you as something so fragile and pathetic. And then there is a third part of you from the inside, who knew that he was right. You had been compared to a ticking time bomb before, it was not new information.

"I'm sorry I made you think I was mad." He spoke again after a moment of silence. Your eyes strayed from his face to your lap, unable to meet his gaze.

He watches the way your face scrunces up in a thoughtful manner and gently places a hand on your thigh hesitantly. "I don't mean it in a bad way, I'm just, not that good with words sometimes."

Your face is relaxed as you look back up again, acceptant to the things he had said. "I get what you mean." You told him, the aggressiveness from before already melting back into passivity. "I'm sorry too, I know I can be a lot."

His free hand moved to caress the right side of your cheek. "You're not, we're both juat doing what we know as best as we can." You nodded and offered him a half smile.

He pulls you into a hug, the seating arrangement making it a bit hard, but the two of you pulled through. "My mom's angry I'm here." You mumbled into his chest.

Jacaerys' brows knitted together. "Why? She doesn't like me or something?" Be feels you shake your head no. "She doesn't even know you. She just thinks every decision I make is a bad one." He didn't know what to say to that.

He's never met your family before, but it was obvious that you were raised in a very different environment than he was.

He also understood that you've always had a certain way dealing with negative things in your life, a certain perspective that makes your choices understandable.

"Did she want you to come home?" You answered no. "She doesn't care if I come home or not, and yet for some reason she's upset that I chose to be here instead of going back home."

"She sounds like a bitch, I'm gonna be honest." You snorted out a laugh as you pulled away before he could regret his words. "She is."

"So, what are you going to do?" You shrugged with a sigh. "Nothing. That's what I always do." You've given up trying to defend yourself years ago. Arguing with your mother never ends well because she doesn't argue to understand, she argues to win. "Some people are worth fighting for, but not everyone is worth fighting with."

He says nothing, staring at you from his seat. You wanted to ask him if he understood what you mean, if he understood that the person you mentioned worth fighting for was him, but just not against your mother. But you were already so sick and tired of talking about her.

She's like some sort of negative charge around you, even the thought of her brings darkness and gloom. "It doesn't matter what she thinks. Because in the end of the day, I'm the one who chose to be here, and I haven't regret it so far." His face broke into a grin at that. "No?"

"No." You repeated surely. "Hmm." He ponders. "Does that mean you're up for a repeat next year?" You raise a brow at that. "This year's one isn't even finished, you're already planning for next year's?"

"Of course."

"How do you know if I'll still be around next year?" You weren't sure what kind of answer you were expecting. It was some sort of test, not just for him, but for you too. "Because I know I love you. And I know you love me too."

"Love is a big word." You noted after considering his confession fairly. In most situations regarding intimacy and vulnerability, you'd always find yourself to be stuck in between the flight or fight mode. But this time, you're sitting down with it and letting yourself indulge the possibilities.

"Are you making fun of my vocabulary or are you questioning my sincerity." Oh. that sentence overall were all big words for him you fought over the grin threatening to appear.

"I'm questioning your assumption that I feel the same way as you."

"Well," he starts, "-you're here with me right now aren't you?" He says it in a matter of factly tone, leaning in towards you, wiggling his brows. "That means nothing." You countered his defense.

"If I kiss you right now, would it mean nothing?" The question was so sudden, you scoffed in face for all the words you're unable to say. "If you kiss me right now, it's because I'm letting you do it."

"Because you love me." You relented and matched his smile. "I love...your mother. And I love your siblings." He eyes you suspiciously. "But what I feel for you surpasses the word love." It was cheesy, it was childish, it was you laying your heart out for him and not being ashamed of it.

"Tomato, tomahto. I call it love, you call it whatever you just did." He muttered back His lips captures yours right after. Your palms finds the sides of his face as he kisses you deeper.

You don't hesitate to climb up from your seat to his own. You feel his fingers gripping your waist as you settle yourself over his lap, pushing the headrest down with a freehand, he lets you take the lead as his fingers moves lower to grip on your hips.

There was nothing soft about the kiss, your tongues danced with his and your teeth clashes together. He made sure that there would be no gap between you two. You gasp out for air once you pull away to slip your sweater off of you. You pull your pants down easily along with your underwear.

"Thank god for tinted windows, huh?" He whispers to you breathily as he discards his own clothes and zip open his trousers.

Your response to that joke is to push him back against the seat to kiss him stronger than before. "Jesusfuckingchrist." He swore against your lips when you begin to ground yourself against his hard on.

He lifte his hips up to meet your grinding, the sensation of your bare pussy against his cock. His fingers squeezes into the skin of your ass, making you whine out loudly. "Fuck- I need you." You moaned deliriously humping on him like your life depends on it.

He pulls his cock out of his boxers fully, pushing it inside your wet squelching cunt. He groaned into your ear as you hid your head by his neck. Your hands held onto his shoulders as your hips jumped up and down on his cock. His grip on you is bruising, but it only added to the pleasure.

You feel the head of his penis hitting your clit harshly every time you sink down fully on it. Jacaerys is grunting out your name repeatedly like prayers in the dark and throwing his head back, lost in the pleasure.

"God- Ah, Jace-" He relishes the noises you make as you squeezes his cock with your warm, tight pussy. "So good." It's driving him insane and he's almost breathless as you continue to pleasure yourself using him to get yourself off. "Fuck, baby." He growled.

You held each other through your orgasm, biting into his neck when you felt relief pass through you. That's gonna leave a mark, you thought. But the night was still bright, snow still falling, and neither of you had much energy left to care.

—

“Jacaerys, we have the heater on, why are you wearing a turtleneck?” Rhaenyra asks as she bring over the big plate of lemon cake to the table. “I like this turtleneck,” was his response to her. A terrible excuse, but she asked nothing more.

You helped her set the table while Jacaerys went over to his brothers’ rooms to wake them up. You could hear him yelling from upstairs, “It’s Christmas morning, get up!”

You refuse to admit to him that te Christmas spirit had gotten into you. Preparing the plates around each seat, you are more excited for the gift unwrapping that’ll be done after breakfast. And the snowball fight. Since when did you become so excited for snowball fights? Since you closed your eyes and tried to imagine this kind of life going on for years and realized that you want nothing less than it.

The kids came running down the stairs, bouncing in every step. “Don’t jump Joffrey, you’ll fall.” Rhaenyra chastised. Lucerys and Joffrey rushed to their seat, Jace following close from behind. “Hurry up, I want to open the presents.” Luc rushed. “You’ll get your presents sooner or later. Now, please eat breakfast slowly, I don’t need you choking on your meals at 9am.” His father’s voice boomed from the hallway as he entered the kitchen.

He had been out all day, buying stocks of eggs and flour for Rhaenyra to use.

“Alright, alright-“ Rhaenyra spoke, sitting down alongside everyone at last. “Who’s gonna say the prayers today? Luc?” The boy immediately shook his head. “I’ll do it.” Jace offered, his mother looked internally grateful. “Alright, go on.”

He takes a deep breath before he holds his fists together and closed his eyes, everyone but you followed through. You watch him begin to thank god for the food on the table and for his family’s good health and fortune before he goes on to thank god for his beautiful girlfriend. Luc mutters out an ‘ew’, which Jacaerys quickly retorts back ‘You just don’t have a girlfriend that’s why you’re jealous.” In the middle of his prayer, earning a warning ‘Jace…’ from his mother.

In the meantime, you were grateful that all of their eyes were closed, so that they wouldn’t be able to see your wide smile and flushed cheeks. I don’t have much faith in god these days, but I’d burn a prayer or two for you, you thought to yourself. And you meant it.

Once he ends his prayers with an Amen, he opens his eyes to connect them with yours first before the silent moment shared was broken by everyone else’s eagerness to eat.

They had not understood the meaning between your shared glances with him. How it was a way for him to tell you that you, just like his family, is his priority. They also don’t know how you had blocked your whole family’s contact list for good. And when you had told him of your action that morning, he looked at you so reassuringly and told you that as long as is he alive, you would never be without a family.

#jacaerys velaryon x reader #house of the dragon #jacaerys velaryon #jace velaryon x reader #house of the dragon x reader #hotd x reader #game of thrones #harry collett

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whocaresstillthelouvre · 3 months

Text

18 Seasons

A Joel Miller baseball player AU.

Pairing: Baseball player Joel Miller x Female Reader Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Summary: Joel Miller has only ever known playing baseball for his hometown team, and they’ve just announced they’re not resigning him. He heads to a fancy hotel bar to drink alone and wallow. He doesn’t except to find you, the team owner’s daughter, there. Warnings: smut, baseball talk, drinking, banter (reader has a smart mouth and Joel’s got that asshole voice), unprotected p in v (but a discussion on testing and reader has an IUD), F receiving oral, Joel’s 42, reader’s in her late 30’s. Words: 4,900 A/N: Happy 2024 Baseball Season! I’ve always thought Joel Miller would make a good baseball player, though I’m not sure if I just want to see him in tight baseball pants and that’s why I think that. 🤔 Anyways, this might be a bit of an adventure in me coping with the fact that my current favorite ballplayer is over 40 and only signed a minor league contract to play this season. Also, shout out to said favorite baseball player’s arm for being part of the cover of this, feels very Joel Miller to me. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist Playlist

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"The Austin Capitals thank first baseman Joel Miller for his time and dedication to the team for the past 18 seasons. Miller is a six time All-Star, two time batting champion, and two time Gold Glove winner. He signed with his hometown team in the second round of the draft twenty three years ago and has been a great contribution both on and off the field. The organization will not be able to provide Miller with the proper playing time, with the current roster and plans for the upcoming season. We thank him for his years of service and he will forever be a part of the Capitals family."

Joel knew it was coming, it was inevitable. He had been warned of it multiple times, his agent straight and to the point about his chances, his brother and Maria more analytical and sympathetic, and his sweet Sarah so chipper and hopeful for him.

For twenty three years he’s only known the Capitals. The only thing he’s ever been good at, baseball… he’s never been so good at anything else really, save maybe for wood working or fishing, but those were hobbies. Baseball was his job, he knows he’s a lucky son of a bitch who got to do this full time, and now it’s all over, he’s unemployed.

Joel needs a drink. The stronger, the better.

DING. DING.

DING. DING. DING.

DING. DING.

He also needs to turn off his phone.

“What can I get you?”

“Gin martini, dirty please.”

“Should I charge it to your room?”

“Ye–“

“No, you can put it on my tab." You turn towards the deep voice, you’re used to the southern accent, you grew up around it, but this timbre is different and yet so familiar.

“Joel?” What the hell?

He lifts his glass towards you, his dark brown eyes shining at you from across the bar.

You haven’t seen him in quite a few years, ever since you got the hell out of Texas, moving to New York and betraying your home state for packed subway cars and better politics.

He stands and walks towards you, he looks just as good as you remembered. Broad, strong, and too damn handsome to be alone on what you know might be the worst night of his life.

“Figured you wouldn’t waste your time on any of that fruity drink stuff,” he nods towards your drink as it’s placed in front of you.

“Too much sugar gives me a headache.”

“Mm,” Joel gulps down the rest of his drink and signals the bartender for another.

“…How are you holding up? I’m really sor—“

“M’fine. Was expected.”

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Understood.

Joel Miller was never one for talking, or the media. He’d give them a nod and a quick answer before moving on to the next nuisance. Talking was never his job, you know this. Your dad would sometimes complain about how his star player couldn’t play nice with the reporters. You always admired Joel’s candidness, it’s one of the things that you found most attractive about him. He was always honest, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing depended on how high the team was in the standings. You’re going to miss him on your team, but you can’t let him know that.

“So, why exactly are you back here in Texas?”

“It’s my Mom’s birthday, she’s tired of visiting me in New York, was guilted back here as part of her present.”

“Mm. New York, hate playing in New York.”

“Likely thing to hear you say. Guess I should ask you what you’re doing in a fancy hotel bar in the city you live in?”

“S’quiet here, it’s the fanciest hotel ‘round here, nobody who stays here cares about baseball. Not a lot of people recognize me without the hat on.”

“Ouch. I care about baseball.”

“Yeah, and you don’t belong in a place like this,” Joel pivots to look at you, his arm resting on the bar top.

“Where do I belong, Joel?” You angle your body to look at him and swallow down the last bit of your drink.

“Some place cozier, not as cold and… corporate as this place. Some place… hip.”

Your head tips back in laughter. “Hip?! I have a phone case with ducks on it, I cried at the same part I always cry at during Paddington 2 last night. I’m far from hip, what a funny word.”

“Dunno, always got the idea you’re cooler than me.”

“Okay pro baseball player.”

“Not so pro now,” Joel scours.

“Hey, sorry,” you place your hand on his forearm, a perfunctory touch. You had zero decision on the matter, and yet you feel so much guilt over it. You know what this game meant to him and you know he made it known he wanted to return.

“S’alright. Just weird to know I’m done for.” He looks down and focuses on his hand rubbing back and forth on the rim of the glass. A nervous tell. Your hand remains on his arm, Joel makes no attempt to move away.

“You’re not done for, I’m sure another team would like you.”

“Don’t want another team. My daughter grew up here. Hell, I grew up here. My brother’s here. Sarah just started college here. I couldn’t move away.”

His daughter. The big story of Joel’s first year was how the star rookie, was also a father to a newborn baby girl. Juggling a .300 average and fatherhood.

“Wow, she’s in college, huh? I remember seeing her at the stadium all of the time, reminded me of how I grew up there too.”

“Time flies,” a wistful smile on his face as Joel signals the bartender for another round of drinks for the two of you.

Goodness he’s gorgeous. You’ve always found him attractive, ever since he was signed right out of high school. All tall, golden skinned and muscular, now his form is a little more filled out, his muscles less defined but still fully there. His arms and thighs thicker now, a small gut protruding, but still solid and muscular. His speed to round the bases is a lot slower these days but his power and batting eye are stronger from years of playing. He was a school girl crush for you, a stadium give away bobble head of his still sits in your office under the ruse that he was your team’s biggest player. Now you don’t know what to call it, you’re long past school girl crushes. All you know is now, over twenty years later, he’s still one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. Time sure does fly.

“Are you staying here tonight?” You cut the silence between the two of you, both of you facing the bar and quietly sipping your drinks. Joel’s eyes looking a little heavier, the alcohol taking its effect on him. You feel good, a lot lighter, but happy to sit and allow Joel to ponder.

“Planned on it. Booked a room. Figured I’d get drunk and go pass out, take care of everything I have to tomorrow. Just don’t want to deal with it tonight.”

“I understand that, just didn’t know if you needed car service home, I could have ordered you one.”

“Dad’s money, right?” Joel bites out condescendingly.

“Or, my money, you asshole,” you bark back. You know he’s pissed off at the world but there’s no need for his tone to be so mean towards you.

“Sorry, still kinda pissed off at your family.”

“My family? You mean my dad? I had nothing to do with it, my mother had nothing to do with it. You can be pissed off at him, but you’re also not getting any younger and believe it or not our farm system and minors are stacked with talent waiting to play.” You try to calm your voice as you gulp a drink down from your newly made martini. You don’t want to be pissed off and drunk but goodness the cold gin cools your heated body. “You’re old Joel, and you know it.”

“Of course I know it sweetheart, but I know I’m still better than most of those kids.”

“Yeah, well, stop getting injured and batting .220 and prove it.”

“Damn, you got a smart mouth,” Joel leers at you.

“Not to mention all the time and effort spent on keeping your body in playing shape. I’m sorry, you’re ancient in sports standards.”

“Real fuckin�� smart mouth, huh?” Joel leans in and whispers, “I like it.”

You fight the urge to moan, to give an audible to the feeling that’s now coursing through your body from those three words snarled into your ear.

You feel the same feelings you felt those few years ago, while out with the team celebrating their playoff series win. Drinks flowing, cigars puffing plumes of smoke into the air, conversations shouted above music, bodies sweating and glowing different hues under the lights on the dance floor. The Capitals were heading to the World Series for the first time in twenty years, thanks to Joel Miller’s walk-off home run. Teary hugs shared with your family and friends as you watched him round the bases, it may have been the happiest you’d ever seen your dad. Hell, it may have been the happiest you’d ever been. You didn’t think the night could get any better, until Joel backed you into a corner of the club and stuck his tongue in your mouth and his hand up your dress. You don’t know if you’ve still forgiven him for pulling his fingers out of you and wiping the wet of your orgasm on his jeans before slurring out, “Fuck, I shouldn’t have done that,” as he backed away and left, leaving you all weak kneed and blissed out panting for air.

You did agree though, he really shouldn’t have, the scandal that could’ve been brought on if the owner’s daughter was spotted in that position with the team’s star baseball player. He’s one of the reasons why you moved away, he was off limits and it drove you crazy. You casually dated, you slept with strangers, you spent three years with your ex who you thought you’d settle for and marry, but that night never escaped you. Sometimes you’d reach your hand between your legs and touch yourself while you remembered the look in his eyes as he nodded his head to signal you to follow him into that desolate space. Like he always wanted you as much as you always wanted him and he was seizing the opportunity.

“I’m just letting you know what we’re all seeing. Trust me, I don’t want to see you in any other colors than the Capitals color. Red suits you.” If you’re being honest, you really prefer him in the olive green button up shirt he’s wearing tonight. The top few buttons of it unbuttoned to relieve the stretched seams around his large shoulders giving you a peek of the gold chain he always wears resting against the bronzed skin of his neck and chest.

“Mm, whatever the color you want to call this is,” Joel grabs the shoulder of your shirt and rubs the fabric between his fingers, “suits you.”

“I call it aquamarine, most would just call it light blue.”

“S’pretty, s’soft.” You wonder if he can see how rapid your heart is beating or the swallow of air you gulp down as his eyes linger on your chest and neck. “Fits real well.”

“Thanks, bought it at one those real fancy stores they have in New York,” you lift your shoulder causing Joel to pull his hand back.

“Do the boys in New York like you in this color?” Joel’s words drip with the sarcastic tone he’s famous for.

“Worked a couple of weeks ago with a guy. HUGE New York fan,” you emphasize huge, two can play that game. “Like, big, real big.”

“Mm,” Joel’s nostrils flare. “He your last? This… New York fan?”

“Yep,” you smile through your glass taking a drink and licking your lips.

“Mm,” Joel’s eyes don’t leave your mouth. “And why’s that?”

“Been busy, haven’t found anybody that’s piqued my interest, I guess.”

“And what was so special about him?”

“Not sure,” you shrug, “he was good looking and paid for my martinis. I wanted him, he wanted me, the classic hook up.”

“Talk to him since?”

“Here and there, he seems nice enough." “Mm,” Joel licks his lips as he leans forward placing his arm on the back of your chair and turning it to swivel towards him, his other arm rests on the bar, caging you in between. “You want nice?” You can feel the heat radiating off his body, see the freckles on his skin from years of playing ball in the sun, smell the whiskey on his breath mixed with the soap on his skin. You’re so close you can almost count the gray hairs just beginning to tint his dark hair lighter. You want him.

“Not really. Plus, he was younger than me, I’m pretty sure I like older men.” You challenge him. You can compete with the best of them, and Joel’s one of the best, he’s made millions of dollars over the years just from being competitive.

“Mm,” Joel moves the hand from the back of your chair to your shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth, his touch igniting your core.

“How long has it been for… you?” Your words come out a little too nervous than you’d like them to be.

“Few months, not sure. Don’t like that type of distraction during the season.”

“A celibate?”

“No, not that, just don’t have the time with deal with all that, between Sarah’s senior year ‘n me having to focus more on my regimen, ya’ know since I’m ancient.”

“Mm,” you copy Joel’s sound. He smirks.

“Never been my scene to meet someone, fuck them, and leave the next morning.” Your body tenses at his words. “I prefer to know someone before I touch ‘em. Too many people out there just want to say they slept with a ballplayer and move on. Not for me.”

The hushed tone of Joel’s voice and his proximity to you begins to take its toll on you, you feel so hot and quite flustered. “I understand that.”

“You ever been with a ballplayer? Ya’ know since you’re involved in the business.”

“I haven’t… just what we did in that club after the playoff win,” you blink at him, willing him to tell you he wants more.

“You want to do more than just that with a ballplayer?” Joel’s accent dropping an octave as he whispers the question out.

“I do,” you just as quietly confess.

“You want to do more than just that with me?” he leans in closer.

“I do.”

“Alright sweetheart, your room or mine?”

“I have the suite, so mine.”

“Should’ve charged the drinks to your room then.” Joel turns and gets the bartender’s attention.

It’s becoming real. You calm your nerves as Joel signs the check and moves off the stool, you following him through the bar and lobby before reaching the elevator.

All you expected to do tonight was have a couple of drinks while reading a book in a quiet corner of the bar before ordering room service and watching whatever movie you can find on hotel TV. You’re now headed up to your room with Joel Miller.

The elevator doors ding open, empty with nobody following behind you. It’s just you and him in the mirrored oasis of the lift. You go in first and stand with your back against the wall.

“What number?”

“The P at the top, I have to scan my card,” you lift your key out of your pocket and hand it to him.

“Of course. You got the suite.”

“I did, wanted to treat myself on my return home.”

“Mm,” Joel scans the card and tucks it in the back pocket of his jeans. The doors close and your stomach anxiously drops as the lift speeds upward.

The vision of Joel surrounds you, his reflection repeated in every panel, you could stay right in this small room forever, seeing every angle of his handsome face. Aquiline nose, creased eyebrows, dimple tucked between a dark mustache and beard, plush lips, deep brown eyes, wavy hair.

“You’re staring.” You’re shocked out of your concentration by Joel’s whisper. “This whole elevator’s mirrors, I can see you as much as you see me.”

A blush creeps across your face.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Joel turns around and steps towards you, standing in front of you. “You look beautiful.” His hand rests against your cheek, his head angles down, his lips resting right in front of yours. “It’s hard to look away from you.”

You close the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his. It’s a soft kiss, both of your tongues gently licking into each other’s mouths. You’re both savoring the first taste of each other in years, it feels like he also would think about your last kiss as much as you did. Joel pulls away first, turning his head to look in the mirror, you follow his gaze. His hand on your cheek, your hand resting on his bicep, far too big for you to be able to wrap your hand around it. This reality you’re in right now feels like something out of one of your wildest dreams. The alarm goes off, the elevator dinging your arrival to your floor. Joel turns away and you follow behind him as he unlocks your room door.

“Nice room, pretty big for just you, don’t you think?”

“It is. Maybe I figured I’d be sharing it with someone else. Maybe someone older who needed more space to get around on account of his old knees and hurt shoulder.”

“That mouth is going to get you in trouble one day, sweetheart.”

“I welcome it,” you look up at him as you bend over to untie your shoes.

“Where’s the bedroom?” Again, you like Joel’s bluntness. You appreciate how he doesn’t mince words, he knows what he wants and he tells you what he thinks.

You point, he nods, and turns towards it as he begins to unbutton his shirt.

“What? You got somewhere to go?” You shout still standing in the middle of the living room.

“No,” Joel peeks his head out of the doorframe, shirt half open, his hands paused on a button. “I just really want to see you naked on your bed.”

Your knees feel weak, your pussy clenches, your body breaks out in goosebumps. You love his mouth and the way he always sounds like an asshole, even if he’s telling you he wants to see you naked.

You hurry to the bedroom, taking your shirt off and tossing it behind you.

Joel stands with his shirt unbuttoned next to the bedside table, the only light source of the room is the lamp he’s turned on next to him. His skin might be your favorite color, sun bronzed with a patina of dark freckles across his chest and neck. His body standing in front of the dark wood paneled wall glowing in the aureate glow of the lamp takes your breath away. Maybe you should come home more often.

“Take your pants off,” Joel turns to you, his eyes lighting when he sees you without your shirt.

He sheds his shirt before unbuckling his belt and removing his jeans. Your own clothing removal pauses as you stare at the trail from his belly to the black boxer briefs bulging with his erection. This man could never survive without spandex, his thick thighs strain the tight fabric. “Like I said, take your pants off darlin’,” he chuckles. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him chuckle.

“Oh, sorry, yes,” stammers out as you remove your jeans.

You can’t help but not look away from him. You’ll never get over just how handsome and large he is. Other men with his features on their bodies would look ridiculous but Joel is perfectly put together. You can’t get over the fact that he wants you as much as you want him.

“How’d you know navy blue was my favorite color?” Joel asks as he stares at your panties. You wonder if he can see how soaked they are.

“Didn’t. Lucky you.” You’re not sure who’s luckier at this point, maybe you’re both ready to share each other’s luck.

“Very. Get on the bed for me.”

You lay down on the soft sheets, the bed and cover are so plush you sink into it. Your hands by your sides pet the silky sheet and your legs rub against the fabric, it feels so divine and smooth.

“God, you look good like that,” Joel reaches down to palm himself through his briefs. “Might be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Your body lights on fire at his praise, your pulse quickening, your almost naked body feeling overheated. “Spread your legs for me.”

You follow his instruction, bending your knees and spreading. Joel climbs on the bed to kneel in between, his palms rest atop of your knees, you can feel the calluses on his hands from years of gloves and bats on your smooth skin.

He runs his hands down your legs before stopping right at the edge of your panties. You moan as he takes a hand and runs it back and forth along your drenched panties. “This all for me?” His cocky smile making his dimple even more apparent.

“Yes, fuck… yes,” you struggle out. You’re so turned on right now, aching all over. Joel’s barely even touched you and you feel like he’s already devastated your whole body. You’ve never felt this way with anybody else before.

“Want to see all of you, take your bra off ’n I’ll take these off,” Joel says as he cups your cloth covered pussy.

You lean up to unsnap your bra, quickly getting naked as Joel takes off your panties. He sits back on his heels, his eyes mapping your body. “Jesus baby, you’re so fucking pretty ’n soft looking.”

His voice, his accent, his praise, it causes a whimper out of you.

“I know baby,” Joel leans down, his hands grab your ass cheeks and pulls your whole body towards him, easily lifting your ass up. Your pussy rests now right in front of his face, you can feel the heat of his breath against your sensitive folds. He’s supporting your whole lower half in his hands until you lift your legs to rest atop his wide shoulders. He licks a long stripe up from your opening to your clit and back again.

“Taste so fucking good, so fucking sweet, knew you’d be this good. Can’t believe I didn’t taste you before.” Joel’s words of devotion are spoken straight to your cunt.

He devours your pussy like it’s never been ate before, fucking into you with his tongue, sucking on your clit, rubbing the bristle of his thin beard against your sensitive folds. Your thighs and legs beginning to shake against Joel as your whole body burns with pleasure. His hands are gripping your ass so tight, his strength and support the only reason why your whole body hasn’t collapsed as your orgasm quickly ripples through you.

Joel moans against you as you spill into him. He doesn’t come up for air as your hips writhe against him. He flicks his tongue against your pulsing clit, a scream escaping your mouth as he begins to press his tongue down on your too sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Holy fuck,” you struggle out. “Fuck. Joel, Joel. Fuck.”

“Mm,” Joel lifts his head up out of in between your legs, your wet glistening on the lower half of his face, his eyes resting under his furrowed brows staring right at you. You unwrap your legs from around his head as Joel gently helps your legs drop to the bed.

Joel rubs your legs and thighs as he stares down at you longingly. His actions are so sweet, actions you never thought you’d see. You don’t think a lot of people get to see this side of him, his features relaxed, mouth slacked open a bit, eyes softened, this isn’t competitive Joel, this is bedroom Joel.

“Let me fuck you baby, don’t think I’m going to last long, wanted to prove to you I can fuck you all night but I’ve waited a long time for this.”

Your core clenches at his words, you wanted to challenge him tonight too, but you can’t fathom the idea of waiting any longer for Joel’s cock inside you. He gets up off the bed, removing his briefs, his cock springing free. Fuck, he’s big and beautiful, the perfect size and shape to match his broad and athletic body.

Joel climbs back on the bed, his body resting in between your spread legs again, this time he leans forward, putting his weight on his two arms as he looms above you. You feel his cock resting against your wet cunt.

“You got a condom or should I have grabbed mine from my wallet?”

“No— can I ask you something?”

“Now?” Joel huffs. "I guess."

“Yes, yeah,” you gather your nerves before you confess. “I want to feel you, all of you. I have an IUD and I always use protection with… others, I just, I want to feel your cum inside of me.”

Joel's jaw drops at the shock of your blunt words. “Fuck, yes. Of course. Jesus Christ.” His dick twitches against you as he answers. “I’m tested and clean.”

“I’m clean too.”

“Fuck baby, I’m so glad you asked.” Joel plants a kiss to the top of your head as he pushes himself into you.

“Holy fuck,” you rasp out at the feel of Joel’s cock stretching you. He’s slow to enter, mindful of how tight your cunt is squeezing around him. It stings so good, you’ve never been this stretched before.

You shut your eyes and focus on taking his length, anchoring yourself in this moment.

“I can feel you clutching me, fuck you feel so good,” you open your eyes at Joel’s words. The glimmer of Joel’s gold chain catches your eye as he moves inside you. You’re mesmerized by how it moves between the two of you, the pendant swinging back and forth like a metronome of Joel’s cock entering and exiting you. “Look at me baby.”

You move your gaze from Joel’s necklace to his eyes, all big and brown and blown out with lust. He begins to increase his pace, your whole core beginning to build another orgasm. Joel cranes his neck down to kiss you, the way his mouth languidly moves against your mouth contrasts the brutal speed of the way he’s now fucking you. You move your hands up to cradle his head, gripping his messy curled hair, left longer during the offseason.

Years and years of pining over Joel culminating in this one night, a surprise encounter at the bar turning into the shared moans and groans you and Joel trade back and forth as your bodies move together.

He’s simply too beautiful, your eyes watching his heavy eyes disappear behind the crinkles on the side of them as he half smiles at you. Like he also can’t believe the two of you are doing this.

You move your hips to meet his thrusts, the softness of the bed cradling you as Joel fucks you harder.

“M’close baby,” respires out against your mouth. Your cunt tightening even more around him as you both begin to reach the apex of your orgasms. “You gonna cum with me?”

You can only nod and blink hoping that your whimpers and moans let him know you’re right there with him.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty and tight, can’t believe how fast you’re gonna make me cum. Fuck baby, just talking about it— gonna fucking cum.”

You feel Joel’s cock throb as his spend fills you, your orgasm following, pumping Joel’s cock as you pulse around him.

He drops down to rest on his forearms, his body landing on top of you. You welcome the feeling of his burning hot body smothering yours. He kisses you as he languidly still fucks into your cunt with his softening cock. Your pussy drips a mixture of your intermingled cum out as Joel pulls out and lays next to you on his back.

You turn and rest your head against his chest, his breaths slow and relaxed. Your hands run up his chest, stopping at the gold chain around his neck.

“Never took you for a necklace man, why do you wear it?”

“My daughter got it for me, when I won that playoff game.”

“Like THAT playoff game you hit the walk-off?” Your question implying it’s the same game you celebrated together in the back of the club.

“Yeah, that one,” Joel wraps his hand around yours. “Sometimes I still think of you and I that night when I see it. Thank you for tonight. You made a bad day into the best night.”

A/N: I adore these two. This stands as a one shot right now, since I'm currently working on my multi-chapter story Elks, but I might revisit them later. Go sports!

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller/reader #pedro pascal #joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou au #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller au #baseball fan fic #baseball au #basebal #batter up #baseball

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enassbraid · 10 months

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𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥 - 𝐑𝐢𝐧 𝐈𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢

-> It's no secret Rin is horrible with words, let alone feelings. So he may need a little bit of help capturing the heart of the girl of his dreams... (1.2k words)

fem!reader (one time only thing) implied high school au, rin is bad at feelings but he manages, he also does not listen to anyone ! but he tried, kinda.

“It’s been six months, and you’re still afraid to tell her what you want?” Isagi said, astonished at the taller male’s way of going about this.

“I’m not afraid of anything, dumbass.”

“Then why don’t you tell her already?”

For the past six months, Rin had been pursuing his feelings for you. But has he gotten anywhere yet? Nope. And was it his fault? Absolutely.

Itoshi Rin was helpless, there was no doubt about it.

Anyone could see you felt the same way about him- hell, everyone has seen it. The way you swooned whenever he brushed his hand against yours, complimented you, or just looked at you. It was clear beyond a shadow of a doubt you shared romantic feelings for the younger Itoshi.

Rin knew it too, deep down at least. So why has he been taking his sweet time confessing? Avoiding it at all costs? It was simple really, Rin was scared.

“What if she thinks I’m insane?” He said flatly, putting his cleats back in his bag before exiting the locker room.

“Dude, if she thinks you’re insane for waiting so long, then that just makes her a hypocrite.” Isagi’s words were harsh yet true. You’ve both been going in circles for one another, waiting for the other to open an opportunity to declare their feelings.

Nonetheless, neither you nor Rin took the opportunities when they were presented. Leading to his current position, annoyed and confused with himself. Why was this so hard for him?

With a deep breath, Rin asked for a favor he never thought he’d ask any of his teammates. “I need advice.”

Isagi was stunned, not even he could see that one coming. He was more curious about why Rin thought he had that much experience with women, but that's besides the point.

“I got it!” A louder, higher pitched voice came from around the corner. “Bachira?”

“Just tell her! Say you waited so long because you were testing her loyalty!” For once the boy was dressed in the locker room, but it didn’t change the fact he was giving horrible advice. “Rin, never say that. Use the word ‘test’ and she’ll shut you out.” Isagi clarified.

“I don’t need your advice, bobcut.”

“What about mine? I have an older sister, so I’ve heard a thing or two.” Another voice added himself to the conversation, an unreadable expression plastered on his face.

“Because a princess knows what other princesses like…” Isagi mumbled to himself, a little confused on where Chigiri came from. Before Bachira popped in, he was sure he and Rin were the only ones in the locker room.

“I’d take yours over bobcut’s anyday… what do you have to say.” Rin looked in Chigiri’s direction, awaiting his response.

“Just tell her you like her. I mean, it’s clear she likes you back. But if she needed time or anything like that, say you would wait as long as you had to.” Chigiri’s advice was simple and straight to the point, something Rin should have been thinking from the beginning.

“And tell her if you ever did something wrong, you’d fix it right away. Girls like that sort of reassurance… I think.” An orange haired muscle man appeared from behind Chigiri. Apparently, that was Isagi’s last straw. “Where are you all coming from?!”

“This is the Blue Lock team’s locker room… and we just finished practice? This isn’t your personal hang out spot y’know.” Chigiri cut in, deadpanning at their prized striker. “Anyways, Kunigami also has a good point. Let her know she’ll be okay with you, even if something goes wrong.”

Rin piled all the advice up in his head, organizing it into a sentence he knew he could say. “Right…”

“So, are you gonna do it? Like right now? Today?” Bachira questioned excitedly, face brightening more than it was before.

“It’s none of your guy’s business.” Quite sick of being surrounded by what Rin could only consider ‘lukewarm idiots’, he rose from the bench he was seated on. “I’m leaving.”

“Not even a thank you, seriously?” Chigiri exclaimed as he watched the monotonous boy exit the locker room. Unbeknownst to him, Rin was actually considering thanking him. That is, if everything went smoothly. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact he was actually doing this, afterall.

Outside of soccer, Rin isn’t exactly the smartest. Sure, he’s good at english. But you might as well factor English in with soccer since that was his only motivation behind understanding it. Though he’s not an idiot. He wasn’t blind to your feelings, the same way you weren’t blind to his.

In short, Rin knew there was no way you’d turn him down.

The walk felt longer than any other. He had been sure to give you a heads up that he’d be over, so at least he wouldn’t have to wait any longer once he showed up at your door. Then again, that didn’t change the fact he was getting more and more nerve-wracked with each step he took.

Too lost in his thoughts, RIn didn’t even realize it had started raining by the time he was at your door. And even when he had noticed, he forgot almost immediately once you opened the door.

“Walking in the rain, seriously?” You deadpanned at the male, who looked unphased by his dripping hair.

“I didn’t realize.” ‘Shut it’ is what he’d add to that statement if it was anyone else.

“You didn’t realize it started pouring on your way here?”

“Just let me in already…” He groaned.

You stepped aside, allowing him to get through the door. He’s lost count of the amount of times he’d been in your home, but somehow it felt different this time. Perhaps it was the rain, making the lights look warmer than before. Or maybe it was because he knew things would be different once he left this time.

“How was practice?” You asked while grabbing a towel for him to dry off with, throwing it in his direction.

He caught it effortlessly, using it to squeeze the water out of his dark strands. “Lukewarm. No one learned anything outside of scoring their own goals.”

“Same old, I guess…” You mumbled.

It was quiet for a moment, finding peace in each other’s company. The peace alone said a million words, but neither of you said a single one. Until Rin finally spoke up.

“Listen…” He paused briefly, trying to align his words in order to not make a fool of himself. “I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” You both said in unison.

“I’m sorry! You go first, Rin.” Somehow, you already had a feeling you were going to say the same thing.

With a deep breath, Rin stopped cowering. “I know you know I like you… and you know I know you like me. So…”

“Do you wanna be my boyfriend? Officially?” You finished his sentence for him, tired of the agonizing wait.

Rin showed a rare smile, a real smile. It wasn’t a grin, but it showed the male’s genuine deep rooted feelings. For once, all his anger and resentment disappeared.

“I wouldn’t mind that. As long as you wanna be my girlfriend, officially.” He mimicked your words from before, earning a giggle out of you.

“So, do you think anyone will notice a difference?”

“Difference as in…?”

“Like how we act. Do you think anyone will notice we’re a couple now?” You elaborated.

Ah. Rin had almost forgotten half his team knew what he was doing, and probably the entire team by now. He grimaced at the teasing that was to come tomorrow, annoyed in advance. His expression didn’t go unnoticed by you, however.

“Who knows already…”

“The whole soccer team… probably.”

You both were in for quite a treat tomorrow…

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wordstome · 6 months

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the very first night (ntwdt pt 2)

tell me that you hate it hate that i'm no longer in your reach if i can't hear you say it maybe you can't change it, but if you never if you never put it on the line how am i gonna sign for it?

alpha colonel König x beta ex-lover reader

2nd person, no y/n, she/her pronouns, reader's callsign is Eden, reader speaks French, omegaverse, exes to lovers, fraternization, fantasy version of military protocol, probable incorrect use of "copy"

2.2k words

tw: mentions of dead bodies and vague violence, dirty talk, könig is in rut but no actual sex happens, mention of grinding

Do you guys still even remember this au??? 😅 I'm back to writing this fic with this specific format just like the last time I had bad writer's block. I'm sorry that I basically made you guys take a poll and then immediately disregarded the results :( metalhead König is going to be the next one published, and then kosovo maiden. Anyway, this is less of a foray into the omegaverse as it is into exploring a married couple's dynamic. Forgive me if it's inaccurate, I've never been married. (Several of the people who will probably read this are married so...I might be really embarrassing myself here lol)

“Two on your six, O’Conor.”

König watches as his colleague takes down his pursuants with practiced ease. “Good to have someone watching over me, Eden.” the man roughs into his comms.

“It was my pleasure, Declan.”

“Can you two keep the flirting off the main comms?” Fender huffs. König hears O’Conor snort before the line goes quiet.

“Steady,” Horangi says next to him.

“What?” König says.

“You’re breathing like an angry bull. It’s unnerving.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s obvious you’re mad O’Conor’s flirting with your ex-wife.”

“She’s not—“ König lets out a sigh of defeat and tips his head away from the scope. “She can do whatever she wants. I’m not her keeper.”

“Right, which is why you’re white-knuckling your rifle and giving off the most furious pheromones I've ever felt."

König gives his friend a deadly side eye. “Can I help you?”

“Nah. Just confirming what I already know”, Horangi answers, unbearably smug.

König rolls his eyes and returns to the task at hand.

The two of you avoid each other, mostly.

When you’re forced to interact, it's with stiff professionalism. Cold and distant. The way it was when it was really, really bad.

You spend your time becoming closer to the other operators. O'Conor, for one, is someone you find yourself growing close to. In your line of work, it's usually not a good idea to get too attached to someone who may not see the next day, but it's part of your job to know these people now.

They're so competent that you can ignore the obvious, anyway.

König's always been competent, but watching him work nowadays is strange, like watching a remake of a nostalgic childhood film.

His movements are the same. He flicks his wrist the same way, with a heartbeat's worth of pause before the movement. Him taking cover, leaning with that awful posture you always got on his case about.

But everything about him is more ruthless, more efficient. The unrefined brutality of his youth is replaced with a honed precision that is foreign to you.

It stings, though you know the feeling has no right to exist.

You can't keep yourself from reminiscing about the past, when everything about him was familiar. When you knew him so well, it was enough to save both your lives.

"We've lost comms with König."

Your heart drops into your throat. You've been on several ops with him at this point, but this has never happened before.

"What do you mean you've lost comms?"

"He's not responding."

"What?" Fear grips your heart at everything that implies.

"He's in your building, Eden. Find him and extract. Copy."

You move slowly, like ice is flowing through your veins. "Copy."

You will yourself to calm down. Lost communications doesn't mean anything but lost communications. Panicking that you're going to encounter his body will only ensure you end up as a corpse as well. Besides, who could ever take down a man like that, tall like a giant and quick like a viper as he is?

If you had lost comms, what would you do? Re-establish them, of course. Pick your way out of the building and do everything in your power to reconnect with your team. From where König entered, he'd be exiting the building on the east side. You turn to head that way, then hesitate.

König's not you, though. He's not like any other member of the team. Proud, arrogant, vicious König, far more so than other alphas. You used to be afraid of him while he was at work, but eventually you came to realize that was simply how he was in his element—a different persona he wore to battle. As much as you wished he would be sensible and take the safe route, König would never take the safe route. He'd be carrying on the mission on his own, moving towards the target at the center of the building.

But he's a professional. No matter how good he is at what he does, he's not a one-man army, and he knows the right thing to do would be to extract. It's a gamble. If you head towards the east exit and he's not there, you could be losing precious time to find him. But if you head towards the center, you could be walking right into a fight you can't win and become overwhelmed.

You let out a shaky breath and attempt to calm your mind. What would he do? What is he thinking? If you make the wrong call, if you don't know your lover as well as you think you do, one of you won't be walking out of here. You close your eyes and think.

You open them with newfound determination and turn towards the center of the building.

You'd been right, of course, judging by the fallen enemies you find as you move through the hallways. But you don't allow yourself to feel sure until the moment you lay eyes on him, securing the target—a hard drive containing sensitive information.

"König!" you hiss, just as he whips towards you, gun drawn. He relaxes when he sees it's only you. Despite the fraught situation you're in, you can't help yourself from dashing towards him and burying your face into his chest in a hug.

"Eden," he says, his relief evident.

"You stupid motherfucker," you hiss. "You should have extracted the moment your comms cut out."

His eyes crinkle up behind his mask the way they always do when he smiles. "You knew I wouldn't."

"Yes, because I am burdened with being one of the few people on this earth who knows you like the back of my hand. Atlas holding up the sky," you grumble.

"I know you're relieved to see me," he responds, joy evident in his tone.

You let out a sigh. "Can we just get out of here?"

"Aye-aye, captain."

You could do without those memories, you think whenever the two of you trade clipped exchanges during ops now.

König still has traces of the arrogance of his youth, but it shows through less now. He's wiser, more patient and far less reckless.

You catch yourself admiring how good of a leader he's become. His connection with his teammates is like muscles flexing a hand.

You're no longer a part of that nervous system.

In fact, he's always catching you off guard now.

The energy in the common area is weird today.

You can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s like everyone’s walking on eggshells, but at the same time, nobody’s mood seems to be that affected. It’s like you’re all mice living in someone’s walls: going about business as usual, but with some looming threat casting a pall over everything.

“Is it just me or does the energy on base feel off today?” you ask Calisto.

“Oh. Yeah, that. Don’t worry about it,” she says. She swings open the refrigerator and pulls out coffee creamer. “No need for concern. König’s in rut.”

You do a double take. “He is?”

“Yeah.” She’s casual about it as she dumps cream and sugar into her coffee. “Usually he has a pretty light rut—he just gets testy and irritated. But for some reason this time is bad.” She offers you the cream, but you shake your head. “Don’t know what’s up with him, but he had to barricade himself in his room. His scent is driving people up the wall.”

You stare at the table in front of you. It can’t be a coincidence that König’s rut gets worse as soon as you’re near him again, can it?

When you look up, Horangi is staring at you from across the room. Slowly, he raises his mug to his lips, never once taking his eyes off of you.

You swallow the lump in your throat.

Calisto was right. The scent is overwhelming, but it's also familiar. You can't blame the others for avoiding the area. If you'd never dealt with him in this state before, you'd be hightailing it out of there too. Which is why you're doing this despite...everything.

You hover outside his door, trying to gather yourself, or work up the nerve to knock, or anything. It doesn’t matter in the end, though.

“I can smell you, liebling,” comes his voice, deep and growling and verging on feral. A shiver runs up your spine. You haven’t been called that in a long, long time.

“I only came here to bring you things. Water and…snacks.” you stammer, instantly hating yourself for how weak you sound.

“All these years later…and you still smell the same.” He blows right past your feeble little excuse, not even dignifying it with a response.

“I’m just here to check on you,” you murmur.

“Is that so.” You gasp as you hear a loud thud against the door from the other side. Oh God, it’s him, his body heat almost burning through the wood, pressed so close that you can hear his heaving breaths. “How kind of you.”

“It’s the least I can do, considering…”

“Considering it’s your fault I’m like this in the first place?”

Your legs feel weak. “Yes.”

His voice is silky, dangerous despite the barely restrained lust behind it. “Good girl.”

“That’s not fair,” you whisper.

“That’s a shame. You used to like it when I called you that. Still do, according to my nose.”

You wish he wasn’t right, but he is. You’re so slick that you’re soaking your underwear.

“Do you want the water or not?”

“Are you going to come with it?”

“I—”

“Because I promise you, if you’re still standing there when I open this door, you will get fucked against it.” He sounds like a savage animal snapping his jaws in hunger, and fuck, your body feels hot and weak in response. Every cell in your body is screaming out for you to throw open that door and let him fuck you limp. If you told him to break down the door, you’re sure that he would.

“You can’t say that anymore,” you whisper, hating the words as they leave you.

That seems to bring König back to rationality. You can picture him now on the other side of the door, shoulders slumping as he withdraws back into himself. "I...I'm sorry."

You slide down to sit on the ground with your back to the door, gripping a water bottle in a clenched fist. "It's like no time has passed at all, huh?"

You hear him let out a shaky breath, clearly trying to collect himself and bite back words he can't say. "Yeah."

That's the thing, isn't it? Your biology and his got the two of you into this situation in the first place. Very little of that has changed. Even though you've grown distanced in your minds, your bodies haven't forgotten the connection.

You're still struggling with how to feel about that. So much of your life has been dictated by what your body needs and wants. You've spent just as much time bucking against those needs and wants, so much that it feels like second nature.

"All of this...it takes me back. Do you remember the first night I spent with you during a rut?" you say. For a while you don't think he's heard you, but then he responds.

"How could I forget? It's my most embarrassing memory."

"Still?"

"I swore I would never let something like that happen again."

You giggle a little. "It was cute, for what it's worth." That first time, you'd come prepared with water and food, just like you had tonight, prepared for a long night full of...strenuous exercise. Instead, König had gotten so overwhelmed at his first rut with a partner that he came by just grinding on your leg and immediately fell into a 12-hour sleep.

"Yeah, you've said that. Doesn't make me cringe any less."

"And I'll say it again, it wasn't as bad as you think it is." You idly trace the cap of the water bottle with a fingertip. "There's no shame between us."

Another long pause before he responds. "Was."

A dull, throbbing pain nestles itself below your sternum.

"It...doesn't have to be past tense," you put forth tentatively.

"Doesn't it? We've gone right back to being strangers. You're still on the other side of the door."

You bite your lip. You can't deny that, nor the distance that's grown between the two of you.

This is all happening too fast. You don't know if you want to close the gap. You don't know if you're ready to make amends, after what happened.

"You're in no condition to have this conversation," you say, to distract both him and yourself.

"Conversation with you is hard to come by nowadays."

"Well...let's change that. Starting when your rut's over. Let's try talking like normal people again." This time, you don't know if you can blame your stupid biology for the relief you feel saying that. Maybe this time it's nothing but you and your treacherous heart.

You hear a thump against the door, but not an aggressive one. More like he's leaned his head against it. "I guess we have to start somewhere."

More silence. Then he speaks again, his voice tremulous.

"Can you stay? It's easier when you're here."

You swallow, your mouth gone dry like a desert. You can barely manage your next two words. "Of course."

The rest of the night is quiet, but you know he's there. At one point, you can even hear his steady, even breathing. Somewhere along the way, you notice that your breathing has synced with his.

The two of you fall asleep like that, propped up next to each other with a single layer of wood between you.

I miss you like it was the very first night...

I only revised this once while exhausted out of my fucking mind at 3am, so forgive me if anything's awkward or clunky. I'll probably go through it again in the morning (and die of cringe). But there we go! I hope you guys enjoy. As always, I would love to see your thoughts and comments <3

Regarding my tag lists: I've had to leave out a few people, so if you see your url missing from this, please let me know and I'll add you back. Also, apologies if you're here despite not asking to be tagged for this particular story. I haven't gotten around to sorting out fic-specific taglists yet 🥲

@kneelingshadowsalome @danibee33 @crowbird @poohkie90 @cumikering @iytatsworld @papaver-decervicatus @anxietyrain @cookiepie111 @no1runawaymilkdad @chthonian-spectre @backwards-readings @yxllowtxpe @hexqueensupreme @violetstyless @her-majesty-theking @vegan-peppermint @peonytarian @ghostslittlegf @deaddainish @teehee-47 @catluvwr @keiva1000 @waves-against-a-cliff @channelsoph @cutiecusp @itsagrimm @dins-riduur-anthe @mantishymns @lexuria @complexivelovely @black-moon-bunny @kit-williams @shebibtedmypepnis @mafer383

#könig #könig x reader #könig x you #konig #konig x reader #konig x you #könig cod #konig cod #cod #cod mw2 #call of duty #mw2 #konig mw2 #könig mw2 #fic: now that we don't talk

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fallenhunnyapple · 8 days

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@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)

I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it

I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.

For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.

And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.

And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!

The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?

Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.

And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.

If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-

As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.

Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏

#hazbin hotel #adamsapple #guitarduck #adam x lucifer #lucifer x adam #angel!lu au #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel ada #hazbin adam #my art

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chaotic-nick · 6 months

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₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊[actor au! bf! Yuuji x reader] ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Plot: Yuuji’s got two instagram accounts— his public account, and his ‘normal’ one. He’s got two loves, too. And he’s made a mistake that night.

Tags/ warnings: none - actor au – sukuna is his twin - established relationship

wordcount: 678

note: psst here's another fic where Yuuji's an actor, could be set in the same universe too.

Yuuji’s tired eyes held awe as he watched his fiancee sat on the floor with her back against the couch’s frame. He fought the sleep coming, persisting that he’d watch (Y/n) coo at the kitten asleep on the palm of her hand. “It’s so tiny” She repeatedly said to herself, unable to process that such a creature could be so small.

“But,” he decided he’d join her on the floor, arm rested on the seat. “You’re the cutest, right?”

His excitement to tell her about finding them cuddled together in the studio’s costume department was interrupted by his twin yelling, “Disgusting!” as he walked past them. In Sukuna’s breast pocket was a black cat with white spots on its eyes. “Mine’s cuter than yours/”

She’d torn her gaze away from the cat, and followed Sukuna as he walked to the hallway. Cat— no, cats never leaving the warmth of his breastpocket.“Are you keeping the cats?” (Y/n) turned to Yuuji.

“Mhm,” his fatigue wearing off, Yuuji secretly pulled out his phone. Already open to its camera app. “She looks like you—”

Wide-eyed, she looked up to Yuuji, then to the cat, perfectly being captured on the camera. “It’s a she?”

“Right? I thought it was all male kitties at first and then Shoko-san played doctor and actually looked at them. She and Gojo-san took the momma-cat away, no one really knew what to do with the kitty-lets. ”

“In a human scenario, that’s scary.”

“And you’d be petting a fetus.”

“Fetus?” Even wider, her eyes stared at Yuuji. Mouth agape. As if her loving boyfriend din’t effortlessly say things that disturbed his own twin.

“Fetus.” He confirmed. Arms up in the air, waving to emphasize his point. “It’s tiny enough to be fetus-sized if you put it in human terms.”

Nodding, (Y/n) looked at the kitten.

“Ahh, makes . . . sense.” It didn’t.

“Yuu, what’s her name gonna be?”

“She looks like you—”

“That would be an insult, Yuu.”

“Yuu don’t see yourself sleeping.”

“I’ll take her with me to taping when we can’t be together.”

“Ahh . . . how about,” pretending to be in deep thought, and oblivious to the camera taking candid shots of the two of them, she looked up to the ceiling. “men-men?”

His hand hovered at his phone when he caught her eyes drifting to it with a suspicious look. “Men-men?”

“Mhm, like the ramen we used to eat after classes, remember?”

“Ah! Saiko Ramen!” Tapping open his private Instagram profile, Yuuji didn’t bother looking at the pictures he had taken and chose all the ones where she smiled. “We should eat there when we visit your parents.”

“Then get the men-men special! Hold her, I’m gonna prepare for bed.”

“I got the meat special back then.”

“You always do. Here,” she put the cat on his knee, placing a kiss on his cheek.

‘My love with my little love’ he hurriedly typed. “Baaabe, thought we were gonna wash up together?”

“I can put men-men next to Sukuna’s kittens!” And posted the compilation of tonight’s pictures without a second look. He was sure that it was open to his private Instagram anyway.

Or so he thought.

2.30 pm

Tokyo Buzz: Itadori Yuuji reveals rumoured long-term non-celebrity girlfriend in casual Instagram post.

“Oh my god,” he let out when the realisation settled in his mind. As if losing all feeling throughout his body, Yuuji could only hang his head down, and covered his face in his hands, “Shit, shit, shit.” Scared that even his whispers would wake (Y/n) up in his room.

Sukuna tried to reassure him with, “Be thankful it wasn’t your dick out in the open.”

“How do I fix this?”

“Delete it.” It’s what he did when his dick was out to the world.

“No,” Yuuji shook his head, cupping his chin. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah,” Sukuna looked at the profile, seeing the comment box that Yuuji kept open for his friends to see— their friends—begin filling up with fanclub pages and fangirls. All of them crying over how they lost the ‘nation’s boyfriend’. “You do that before I do something.”

#nick writes fics #yuuji itadori x you #yuuji itadori x reader #yuji itadori x reader #jjk x reader fluff #jjk x reader

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semisgroupie · 2 months

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finding a middle ground

jotaro kujo x fem. reader x noriaki kakyoin

wc: 3.7k

warnings: college au!, modern au!, dubcon (kakyoin plans this out and both are hesitant before agreeing), threesome, oral sex (f! and m!receiving), facial, cum eating, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, praise, rough sex, jotaro is mean to reader but softens at the end, kakyoin is a mastermind

synopsis: sometimes you need a third party to help you solve unnecessary tension

a/n: this is a commission piece that I wrote for @jctaro!! cherry my love thank you for trusting me with this idea and being my first ever commission!!!

Jotaro Kujo is the biggest asshole on campus—well, to you he is. You don’t know what sparked it between you two but there was no possible chance for you two to get along whenever you were near each other. Which was quite often since you had to fulfill the same requirements he did for his major.

It was honestly quite childish but neither of you could just put whatever aside to get along. Whenever he saw you, he would mutter something under his breath or send a nasty glare your way. You would do the same back to him, pointing out whenever he messed up in class (which was a rare occasion). Sometimes the glares would turn into longing glances on both ends but nothing to really dwell on. It was always a back and forth, a tit for tat, just nonstop. It was even worse when you both got paired for a project, the name calling and the taunting in private escalated to new levels. But it was never anything to take to heart.

Today, you were sitting in your biostatistics class listening to your professor describe what was needed for your upcoming midterm, focusing as they went over what topics you should study and what the grading procedure was. The class was passing by pretty quickly and once you were dismissed you gathered your things and started making your way to the door. You walked out of the classroom and stopped on the side to find your phone to see if any of your friends were free to hang out while you had a break between classes. You were interrupted when you heard someone clear their throat. You looked up and saw green eyes glaring down at you. “Sorry Kujo, I don’t have the time to set up a private study session for you, not like you’d benefit from it anyway.” You fixed your bag over your shoulder and crossed your arms over your chest as he scoffed.

“What makes you think that I’d ever want help from you? And is there a change of plans for the test this time? Didn’t have enough room in your schedule to blow the dean?” You rolled your eyes at his words and sighed, he would often insult things like your intelligence or bring things up like this to try to get under your skin. “Or did he find someone younger and prettier to focus his time on? Is that what it is? He must have found a pretty little freshman and got tired of your loose holes. Too much cock will do that to you.” Your eyes widened at his words and you were taken aback. He never stooped this low before.

“You’re being a dick, Kujo.” You adjusted your bag again and he just raised an eyebrow, “It’s not my fault that you’re just not interesting to anyone anymore, tell you what. I’ll get you a paper bag and you can decorate it all pretty so when someone is desperate enough for some pussy, they can just cover your face and use you.” Tears brimmed your eyes as he spoke and you quickly blinked them away, “fuck you, Jotaro.” You pushed past him and made your way out of the building your class was in, the tears you were trying to hold back finally spilled out.

Jotaro, on the other hand, stood there and watched you leave. He walked out of the building and the only thing that filled his mind was how hurt you looked. He didn’t want to go that far but you were there and you were just at the right place, at the wrong time. He combed his fingers through his hair and cursed himself as he made his way to his next class. He knew he should have apologized because that’s not how his mother raised him but distance would probably be the best thing for you.

After the encounter with Jotaro, you made your way to one of the dorm halls and went straight to one of the rooms, knocking on the decorated door. “It’s me, please tell me you’re here.” The door quickly opened and you buried your face into the chest of the man who lived in the dorm room. “Noriaki, I hate him. I hate him so much, he’s such an asshole. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.” Your words were muffled by his chest and Kakyoin wrapped his arms around you tighter. He kept you close to him as he walked with you inside of his dorm and shut the door behind you both. “Hey, what happened?” He led you to the couch in his room and helped you sit down, you moved back to lift your head from his chest and sniffled. “That bastard called me a slut and just kept digging more and more. He said I blew the dean for my grades and so many other things. I hate him.” You felt the tears brim your eyes again and he lifted his hand to wipe at your eyes. “Don’t cry anymore, I just want you to forget about him and today. How about we order some food and then you can stay here while we watch some of your favorite movies? It’ll help you get your mind off the day and I hope it’ll make you forget about what happened with him.” You nodded and leaned in to rest your head against him, while mumbling, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Kakyoin had known you and Jotaro for years which meant that he also knew that you two couldn’t stand each other. He heard of all of the name calling, bickering, just all of it. He was the middle ground, always calming either one of you down after a heated encounter. He was honestly starting to get tired of hearing everything going on between you two, he knew that you two wouldn’t mend things on your own and he had to get involved in his own way. He could see right through everything and he knew that there was something lingering whenever you two went at each other’s throats. Neither one of you would admit it but he just had to get the ball rolling. That way he could also get his payment for being a therapist for the both of you.

As the days passed, Kakyoin was getting his plan ready for action. In a week everyone on his floor would be gone for an art gallery exhibit for some extra credit. He didn’t need to go because the professor he was an assistant for already excused him. Kakyoin had reached out to you and Jotaro, inviting you both over to hangout and spend the day together. It was something you both quickly agreed to because 1) finals were beyond stressful and 2) neither of you knew that the other would be coming. Ever since that day you and Jotaro avoided each other like the plague and deep down you both missed each other.

Finally the day came and Kakyoin was finishing with setting his dorm room up when you came and knocked on his door. He opened the door and let you in. “So, what do you have planned for today?” He wrapped an arm around you and led you to the couch, “I was thinking that we could just do something a little different today. We always order some food and watch movies until you fall asleep but I think we need a little change of pace.” You furrowed your eyebrows and looked up at him, you opened your mouth to question him but you were interrupted by Kakyoin’s door opening. There stood Jotaro and his cerulean eyes instantly found you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jotaro’s deep voice boomed through the room as he stepped in and shut the door behind him. “I could ask you the same thing, Kujo. But for the record, Noriaki invited me over.” You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at him, “he invited me over too.” He raised an eyebrow and both of your eyes went to the redhead with a wide smile on his face. Both of your expressions were the same, waiting for him to answer the questions that haven’t been asked. Kakyoin looked at you both and sighed, “I just think that this was the best way to get you two to talk things out like normal people. Just hear me out. You both have been avoiding each other and ever since you two met you’ve had this animosity towards each other for no reason. Jotaro crossed a line and he’s more than aware of that. You were hurt and I think that with some talking and action then you two could be civil.”

You looked at Kakyoin and then looked at Jotaro before sighing. He wasn’t wrong, you two haven’t even thought about talking things through or trying to figure out what caused a rift between you both. “Fine, but if he says something out of line then I’m leaving.” Kakyoin nodded before looking over at Jotaro who just nodded. The silent agreement was enough for Kakyoin to continue. The redhead moved behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders, gently rubbing them as he looked at the raven haired male. “Jotaro, I think you should apologize to her. What you said to her was beyond offensive, humiliating and just rude. Even you admitted to me that you crossed the line.”

Jotaro looked at his friend then looked at you, “I’m sorry.” He mumbled the words and you rolled your eyes, scoffing. Just as you opened your mouth to say something, Kakyoin beat you to the punch. “You call that an apology, Jotaro? You could be more heartfelt and honestly, I don’t think words are enough. Words are what got us into this mess in the first place, maybe some actions could help mend the wounds you caused her.” His hands moved along your shoulders and toyed with the thin straps of your dress before sliding his hands along your body, touching and caressing all of your curves. You were in shock to say the least, but Kakyoin’s hands felt so good. You couldn’t deny that Kakyoin was attractive and you have had unsavory thoughts about him, along with the dark haired male who watched his friends hands along your body. “Don’t you think she’s beautiful? But her body just feels so tense, I think the best way to apologize is to help her destress.” Jotaro licked his dry lips and watched how rough Kakyoin’s hands moved along your body, he heard the mewls and whimpers that escape your lips and he couldn’t help but groan.

Kakyoin leaned in close to your ear and you could hear the smirk grow along his lips, “tell Jotaro how he should apologize to you, tell him that he should make you cum over and over until you forget about all the harsh things he has said to you.” You couldn’t say something like that, especially to Jotaro, you hated his guts, right? But as you opened your mouth to say something, one of Kakyoin’s hands moved to your chest and started to grope your breasts and the other hand moved to lift the skirt of your dress to your hips. He moved one of his legs to kick your legs open to spread them for the man in front of you both. “Don’t you see how wet she is? She’s practically soaking through her panties and you’re just standing there. You could be touching her, indulging in her. But don’t you want more? You just need to let him know.” He continued to grope and caress your body and you looked at Jotaro with half lidded eyes. “Jotaro…please.”

Just with that, Jotaro moved from his position and took a few long strides to get closer to you. He moved one hand up and hesitated for a moment before placing it on your hip, he looked down at the wet spot on your panties then looked into your eyes before looking at Kakyoin. “What do you gain from all of this? This was a disagreement between two people, not the three of us. And why are you still touching her?” He raised an eyebrow and his grip on your hip tightened a little as Kakyoin’s hands slowed down. “I’ve been the middle man this whole time, making sure you two just stick with throwing verbal jabs at each other. I mean if I leave you two alone, who knows what could happen? Plus, it's not up to you. My dear, do you mind if I join in?” You turned your head to look at Kakyoin and nodded, “I want you with us, please Noriaki.” Kakyoin pulled you closer to him and started leading you to his bed, Jotaro following close behind.

Just as you three reached the foot of the bed, clothes were taken off and strewn all over the floor. Kakyoin got on the bed and leaned back against the headboard and ushered you to lean back against him, he put his arms around you and reached down to spread your legs. Jotaro got on the bed and leaned in between your legs. His cerulean eyes trailed along your pussy, seeing how wet you were for both of the men in the room. Jotaro licked his lips and leaned in close to lick up your slit. He groaned at the taste and placed his hands on your inner thighs as he started to lick and suck your cunt like it was his last meal. Your back arched and you brought one hand down to Jotaro’s hair, threading your fingers through the soft, dark strands as he dipped his tongue inside you.

Kakyoin moved one hand to your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. Moans and whines left your lips as you looked into his eyes. “You just look so pretty when he’s eating your pussy. The way your body moves and writhes is a sin that we are blessed enough to indulge in.” He leaned in close and pressed his lips against yours. Kissing you passionately as Jotaro loudly slurped and sucked on your pussy. Your legs started to quiver and shake around his head as he kept your thighs spread for him. Jotaro moved one hand up to rub your clit with his thumb and dipped his tongue in and out of your messy cunt. You had never felt this good before, none of your toys could bring you the pleasure that he’s bringing you now. You broke the kiss with Kakyoin and your chest started to rise and fall quickly.

“Gonna cum!” Kakyoin moved his hands to your breasts and started pulling on your nipples while he started to trail kisses along your neck and shoulder. “Cum, make a mess all over his face, pretty girl. Soak him in your juices until you can’t anymore. It’s what you deserve.” You arched your back and threw your head back against Kakyoin’s chest and cried out as your orgasm hit you. Your body trembled and Jotaro held your legs open as he drank all your juices, slurping even louder. He continued to drink you all in until Kakyoin moved one of his hands down to Jotaro’s forehead and started pushing him back. Jotaro looked at you both and your juices covered his lips and chin. “What happened?” Kakyoin chuckled and shook his head, “I want a taste too, stop being so greedy, Jotaro.”

Jotaro licked his lips and pulled back from you. Kakyoin gently moved you up from his chest and helped position you on all fours before moving behind you. Jotaro moved in front of your face and your eyes widened when you saw his cock. It was massive just like him, thick in all the right places and it looked so heavy. You were practically drooling at the sight and Jotaro wrapped his hand around it, stroking it a few times. “Let’s see if you can do more than just bitch and whine with this pretty mouth of yours.” You looked up at him and narrowed your eyes as Kakyoin’s hands moved along your ass, spreading you for him as he spit on your sensitive pussy. “Fuck you, Kujo.” He laughed and gripped the base of his cock, tapping it against your lips, “you will soon. Now open up.”

Kakyoin leaned in and started licking along your slit then wrapped his lips around your sensitive clit. Your mouth fell open and Jotaro took advantage of your open mouth and pushed his cock inside. Jotaro threw his head back and placed his hands on either side of your head as he started thrusting. He set a rough and hard pace, each time he thrusted his cock hit the back of your throat causing you to gag each time. He didn’t relent, no matter how many times you gagged it was just more pleasurable for him. Kakyoin held you open and ate you out with the same fervor as Jotaro. Your body trembled and you moaned around Jotaro’s cock, giving the raven haired male even more pleasure. “You taste so fucking sweet, I can’t get enough of your taste.” Kakyoin rasped out and continued to eat you out like a man starved. You were already sensitive from your first orgasm and you already started to feel the knot tighten in your stomach. Kakyoin moved his hand to your entrance and pushed two fingers inside you, curling them to press right against your g spot as he suckled on your clit.

You brought your hands up to Jotaro’s thick thighs and dug your nails into them as you reached your second orgasm of the day. Your body trembled violently and you cried out around Jotaro’s cock as you drenched Kakyoin’s face in your juices. Jotaro pulled out of your mouth and pumped his cock a few more times and thick ropes of his cum landed on your face. He grunted and his hand continued to move up and down his thick length. A few more ropes landed on your face and you opened your eyes to look at him, a smirk grew on your lips. “Wow, didn’t think you would cum quickly like a virgin, Kujo. Was that your first blowjob?” He grabbed a napkin and cleaned off some of his cum from your face and tossed it in the trash bin.

“Shut up, I’m not done yet.” He wasn’t wrong, his cock was still rock hard and bobbed as he moved off the bed. Kakyoin gave your pussy one last kiss then moved in front of your face. His cock was big but not as thick as Jotaro’s so it would give your jaw some relief for a moment. Jotaro gripped your hip with one hand and gripped his cock with the other then he slammed into you. You cried out his name out loudly and looked back to glare at him, “shut up, this was what you wanted.” He held your hips tightly and started drilling into you, if felt like his cock was splitting you in half in the best way possible. Moans and whines left your lips and you looked up at Kakyoin before sticking your tongue out for him.

“So pretty begging for cock like that. Fuck.” Kakyoin bit his lip and slowly pushed his cock into your mouth. You started sucking and you started bobbing your head up and down his length. He was much gentler than Jotaro, giving you time to get adjusted to his length. “Look at that, you’re such a good girl. Sucking so good like that, think you’re ready for more? For me to be a little rougher?” You nodded as best as you could and Kakyoin placed one hand on your head and started thrusting. He moved in sync with Jotaro, every time Jotaro slammed into you Kakyoin pulled his cock out only to the tip then when Jotaro only had the tip inside of you, Kakyoin buried himself down your throat.

You were beyond sensitive from all the orgasms and the way Jotaro hit all your sensitive spots was just driving you closer and closer to the edge. Jotaro’s hips continued to snap into yours as he fucked you relentlessly. Your eyes rolled back and you cried out around Kakyoin’s cock as your orgasm ripped through you. Jotaro held your hips tighter as he continued to snap his hips into yours almost animalistically. Kakyoin continued to thrust into your mouth and held your head in place as he started to cum, “don’t waste a drop. Swallow it all, pretty girl. Just swallow it all.” You greedily swallowed around his cock as he continued to pump his cum into you. Soon Jotaro followed, he pressed his hips against yours and started to fill you with hot, sticky ropes of cum. Kakyoin pulled out of your mouth and you dropped your head against the bed as Jotaro continued to fill you up.

Kakyoin got off the bed to grab water and grab a rag to clean you off with and Jotaro slowly pulled out of you and helped you rest against the bed completely. He laid beside you and pulled you closer to him. “, I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve been treating you. I crossed the line that day and that wasn’t called for, none of it was called for. I did a lot of fucked up things and said a lot of fucked up things, you didn’t deserve that.” Kakyoin walked over to you two with a wide grin on his face and handed the water bottle in his hand to you then started to wipe you down with the wet rag in his other hand.

“You’re welcome.” He spoke as he continued to wipe you down and both you and Jotaro looked at Kakyoin with furrowed eyebrows. “My plan, if I didn’t think this through then you two would still be on no speaking terms and I would be the one to try to convince you two separately to try to work it out or just get over it.” He shrugged and Jotaro shook his head, “I’m not too sure about that. I think we’ll need a few more sessions of this to really make sure everything is mended.” You smiled and nodded, “that I can agree with.”

taglist: @enchantedforest-network

#jjba smut #jotaro smut #jotaro kujo smut #kakyoin smut #tw:dubcon #tw:unprotected sex #tw:creampie #tw:overstimulation #tw:praise

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mccn-bcys · 2 years

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JUST A TOUCH OF YOUR HAND

pairing: marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader, jake lockley x reader

summary: when you turn eighteen, an ink stain appears on your skin wherever your soulmate touches you for the first time. the boys each are dealing with their stain in their own way.

warnings: angsty marc, fluffy jake, soulmate au, DID (I don't have DID so I'm basing my knowledge off of what is in the show, please correct me if anything is wrong), I'm also not a Spanish speaker (I used Google translate please correct me if it's wrong)

authors note: as stated in the warnings, im not a Spanish speaker so pls correct me if it's wrong. I also do not have DID and am using knowledge from the show. There will be a part two to this soon, but I figured I'd go ahead and give you all a taste! I really hope you like it!Let me know what you think! Please like and reblog guys!

word count: 1,817

when the black stain on their knuckles first showed, all three boys weren't sure what to make of its meaning. at first, they thought it was from holding their soulmate's hand, but that didn't make sense. the stain was just on the knuckles of their right hand.

it wouldn't be until years later, as they all started getting older, till they started having their own opinions about it. and after the boys were all aware of each other, they would discuss it. well, jake and steven would discuss it.

marc didn't want to talk about it.

steven wasn't fully convinced that he was destined to have a soulmate. maybe a platonic soulmate, but certainly not a romantic soulmate. surely they would've shown themselves by now, right? so steven decided it best to not romanticize the stain. he just settled on maybe it was a fist bump. or even a lighthearted shoulder punch. some sort of friendly gesture.

jake was the opposite. this man may have a reputation for being bad and mean and evil, but jake lockley was a huge romantic. he was obsessed with love. of course, the only people who knew were marc and steven.

he loved the idea that there was someone out there that was made for him. he liked to believe that they would love him despite the things he's done, despite his past, despite having two other people that shared his body.

he'd played the scenarios around in his head. there was the classic accidental brushing of his knuckles against you, maybe as you passed in the streets. he imagined that when he'd feel you brush his knuckles, he'd stop and turn, grabbing your hand and stopping you, and then it would be love at first sight. something out of a rom-com, marc would scoff. or maybe for some reason, he would be gently stroking your face with his knuckles. or maybe you dropped something, like papers or books, and you both bent down to pick them up and reached for the same book at the same time, your hands brushing each other.

jake would spend hours, just staring at his hand and the stain on it. whenever he thinks of his soulmate, he can't keep the giddy grin off his face. sometimes steven likes to indulge in jakes fantasies, just a little. but the fantasies piss marc off to no end. but all jake wanted? he just wanted somebody to love and somebody to love him.

marc didn't want to indulge in any fantasy, romantic or platonic. he'd convinced himself a long time ago that it was just a joke. he'd stare at the stain on his hand, but instead of with a smile like jake, he'd stare in disgust. disgust at the mark, at the world, at himself.

see, marc had come to the conclusion that the stain was from a punch or some kind of hit. he convinced himself that he'd only hurt you from the beginning, whether on accident or on purpose. but he had no intention of finding out.

he could never hurt you, whoever you were, if he never touched you. he made it a point to not touch anyone. he'd even stopped doing work for khonshu, so he wouldn't risk punching or hitting his soulmate.

he didn't deserve a soulmate anyways, romantic or platonic. he had done too many horrible things, there was too much blood on his hands. and he knew it was all his fault. he didn't deserve someone to love. he wasn't worthy of love. he was a monster. a killer. he always had been.

so when he was walking down the streets, head kept low, as he made his way to the grocery store to pick up some milk — because jake had forgotten again — he thought he was going to die.

it was busy on the street. everyone must be getting off work and trying to get home. marc had really tried. tried so hard to squeeze through everyone without touching anyone.

"this is just ridiculous, mate," steven scoffed lightly. marc could see him throw his hands up in exasperation from the reflection of the window across the street. "do you realize how extremely unlikely it is that we'd brush against them on the way to get milk?"

"not taking any chances," marc grunted, determined.

"are you scared you're going to accidentally punch someone on the street? plan on fighting anyone who bumps into you?" jake rolled his eyes. he thought this whole "no touching" thing was a bunch of shit.

jake had always tried to tell marc how ridiculous his thinking was. that even if their soulmate didn't like their night-time jobs or that they didn't want 3 soulmates in one, at least they'd be able to meet them, know that there had been someone for them.

and marc knew he was right. but that's part of what scared marc. what if they didn't accept him or his alters? what if they only wanted one of them? what if they didn't want to deal with their past? their baggage? marc didn't want to risk it.

"when you front, you are more than welcome to touch people on the street. but I will do whatever the hell I want while I front," marc scowled at his alter.

"mate...you could have worded that a bit better," steven cringed.

and marc was going to respond, but before he could even start to think the words, he felt it.

someone's hand brushed against his knuckles. against the stain.

and marc was ready to just brush it off. maybe turn around tell them to watch where they were going and keep walking. but none of that happened.

as soon as the person made contact with him, a shock went through his body and left a tingling sensation on his knuckles. he stopped dead in his track. jake was screaming at him to let him front — a request marc was adamant on denying. steven was suddenly nervous.

but marc? marc was terrified. if he turned around to look at you, it would only make it more real. marc knew it was you. knew it was his soulmate, otherwise jake and steven wouldn't be freaking out.

"oy, pendejo! si no los miras ahora mismo, nos tiraré de un edificio!" jake threatened, but it was falling on deaf ears.

"marc...you don't have to talk to them, but a glance couldn't hurt," steven tried pleading.

but how it could hurt. because if he looked at you, he'd be ruined. he'd want to talk to you. get to know you. but that came with the risk of you getting to know him. because what if you didn't like it? like him? or his alters? his past? his present? he didn't want to know what he could have with you if it meant he might lose you.

he had wanted to just keep walking. he tried so damn hard to just keep going. act like it didn't happen. but damn it, lockley had gotten enough control and kept their feet glued to the ground.

"míralas!" jake insisted causing marc to let out a groan.

"fine, but just a quick glance," he finally caved, receiving an excited cheer from jake and hopeful sound of agreement from steven.

taking a deep breath, marc finally turned around and for a second time, was frozen in place. even jake and steven were speechless.

you were beautiful. the way the sun was hitting your face right now? breathtaking. and you looked just as stunned as he did.

you had been dreaming of this moment since the stain appeared on your wrist. you — unknowingly like jake — had gone over every scenario possible for the black spot on your wrist. imagined what it'd be like to finally meet your soulmate. imagined what it'd feel like when they touched you for the first time.

never in your wildest dreams had you imagined it happening on your way home on the streets of london. never had you pictured being stopped on the sidewalk, staring at your soulmate just feet away as the world seemed to go on as if nothing was happening.

he was so handsome. his golden skin shining in the sun as he stared at you in awe. as if his whole world had stopped. the way his curls framed his face. and his eyes. oh they seemed to hold a storm. he seemed to be going through so many emotions at once.

you both stood there, staring at each other, seconds seeming to pass like hours. you weren't sure what to do and neither was he. neither of you had prepared for this.

"hi," you finally said. it had been quiet, breathless, especially with the noise of the city, but he heard you loud and clear.

"hey," he said back, making you relax a little. you were worried he wasn't going to speak to you.

"are you—" you both started to ask, which made you laugh a little. oh what he'd give to hear that sound again. he didn't even know your name but he'd give you the world if that's what you asked for.

"sorry," you quickly apologized before continuing, "do you mind?" you asked, gesturing to the stain on his knuckles, to which he lightly shook his head no.

truth be told, marc was terrified to move. no sudden movements, he didn't want to scare you off. you sounded so gentle, so kind. jake was begging to front. but marc wanted to be selfish for just a bit longer.

he watched as you took your stained wrist and brushed it against his knuckles again, both of you jumping slightly at the shock feeling coursing through you again. you beamed up at him.

that's it, he was a goner.

you introduced yourself, seeming a bit shy. all three boys repeated it in their head, loving how it sounded. marc had even repeated back to you and you were already addicted to how it sounded rolling off his pretty lips.

"i'm marc," he said, quietly, as if his name alone was too much information.

"marc," you repeated gently. like if you said it too loud, you'd break whatever spell you two were under. he loved how you said his name.

"well, I've just gotten off work, do you want to get coffee or a drink?" you offered, wanting to immediately get to know the man in front of you.

and before he could turn down the offer, he found himself saying "yeah, i'd like that." the hell was he thinking? he should just go get the milk and go home. forget you and that this had happened. but that felt impossible now. he doesn't think he'd ever forget you.

so before you both know it, you're walking side by side, going to get coffee, an easy silence falling over you as you walked together.

edit (bc I forgot my taglist):

taglist: @leoluved @howaboutcastiel @sir-knight-slytherdor

(if you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

#moon knight #jake lockley #moon boys #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley x reader #steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight fluff #moon knight x you #mr knight #mr knight x reader #soulmate au #part one #my beloved moon boys #must protect them #angsty marc #jake is a big sap

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madaqueue · 2 months

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playlists

what a waste | "army dreamers" x kate bush

synopsis: on what would have his twentieth birthday, you visit geto's grave

pairing: suguru geto x reader

themes/content: semi-canon curse au. angst. language. death/loss.

word count: 1.3k

a/n: here's some angst bc i've been in a mood for the past few days and am allergic to being happy!

The grass is damp under your skin, the rain from this morning clinging to your clothes, the smell of wet earth lingering despite the absence of clouds in the sky. This is the closest it’s gotten to raining on this day in years, what would be a sign of late winter opening into spring, but today it just feels dreary and cold.

Sighing, you place the bouquet of lilacs - his favorites - onto the stone, careful to not cover the plaque adorning the granite. At this point you could recite it in its entirety without needing to see it, the words burned into your mind from the countless days you spent reading and rereading it, hoping that the shape of the characters would finally make it sink in.

Suguru Geto

Cherished and loved.

The epitaph still feels halfhearted, empty. Even though you and Satoru spent weeks trying to figure out what to write, everything you came up with felt hollow, unable to capture his essence. You wanted to do him justice, but you just couldn’t; he’s more than a plot of land and some words engraved in stone.

Of course, it’s a moot point: the grave is empty, anyways. After the fight against Toji, Shoko had to completely destroy his body, the risk of it being used maliciously too great. A shudder runs down your spine as you picture it, the cruelty of using your best friend’s corpse for something malevolent.

Would he notice? Would it bother him to know what had happened to his flesh? What makes a person, anyways; is it the body, or is it something else? You hope he doesn’t mind what had to happen to him after his heart quieted and his breathing stilled.

Are you at peace, Suguru?

You can’t help but wonder if, after everything, death brought him a respite from the pain he endured while alive. You knew the nature of his cursed technique, the necessary consumption of evil; in absorbing it, did it make him, too, evil? Was he plagued by the darkness he was destined to destroy?

You hope not. Despite the wickedness he witnessed, he nevertheless dreamed, hoping for a brighter future.

–

“What did you wanna be when you were a kid?” you ask through a mouthful of ramen.

Suguru sits across from you in the booth, forearms resting on the table as he eats his lunch. “What do you mean?” he questions, tilting his head ever so slightly.

“What did you want for a job? There’s no way you wanted to be a sorcerer,” you chuckle. “Like, I wanted to be one of those people who makes the cool brick patterns along sidewalks.”

He holds back a laugh at your answer. “I’m not sure, I don’t think I ever really thought about it.” He pauses, taking another bite of his food. “But I guess if I had to pick, probably a musician or something, maybe guitar, I always liked how they could make something sound beautiful with just their hands,” he muses softly.

“I could totally see you on a sick guitar,” you grin.

“Yeah, but I got my cursed technique too early. I never really got a chance to do anything but this,” he shrugs. “Maybe in another life.”

“Maybe,” you smile.

–

Now, the guitar you picked out for him, an acoustic one crafted in dark wood, sits in the back of your closet collecting dust. You were supposed to give it to him for his birthday. He was supposed to play it. He was supposed to be here, be alive, be celebrating with you.

Pain shoots up your palm as you look down, realizing your hands have been clenched into fists, your nails beginning to draw blood. Shaking out your arms you take in an uneven breath, a desperate attempt to steady yourself.

All the things he never got to do.

“I’m sorry, Suguru,” you whisper to yourself, placing a bloodied hand over the grass covering his grave.

He should be here. He never even got to turn twenty, never got to have kids or the family he wanted, hell, he was just a kid himself when he died. Just a fucking kid.

–

“That…that can’t be right,” you stammer. “There’s no way.”

“I’m sorry,” Satoru places a hand on your back, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. “I - fuck - I couldn’t save him. I was too late.”

“No, no, no, no,” you begin to spiral, gaze rapidly shifting over the ground as you process his words.

Suguru was dead. Killed by a man named Toji Fushiguro, trying to protect the Star Plasma Vessel, the one who was supposed to assimilate with Master Tengen.

“I don’t…I don’t know what happened,” Satoru chokes out, “But…I saw his body. He’s gone.”

A scream echoes down the corridor - was it yours? Everything feels far away as Gojo wraps his arms around you, sobs racking your body as you cry into one another.

–

Shaking your head, you wipe the tears that have begun to fall as you remember the day you lost him. Despite the years that have passed, you remember it like it was yesterday, the way the setting sun covered you and Satoru as the night air came in, unable to move from that spot as you wept together.

The sickest fucking part was that it didn’t even matter.

When Riko Amanai, the Vessel, was found dead, they just got a replacement, another body to stand in for Master Tengen’s needs. They told Suguru to protect her with his life and he did, but ultimately the loss of hers was inconsequential to the upkeep of Jujutsu society; just as one flower died they plucked another.

But they couldn’t regrow Suguru’s soul.

–

Four men.

That’s how many it took to carry his body from the basement of Jujutsu High. You watched in silence as they passed you, unspeaking, unwavering, unbothered as they bore his weight.

It feels wrong, somehow, like he should be heavier. He always had this gravitational pull, this universe-sized soul that drew everything to him - shouldn’t they be able to feel that?

How heavy is a body? How heavy is the grief it carries?

–

“Hey,” a voice pulls you back to the present, the sun beginning to hang low in the sky as you ground yourself, idly tugging at the dirt beneath you. “I’m glad to see you,” Satoru greets warmly as he walks across the graveyard towards you.

Since the last time you saw him he’s aged, the creases around his eyes deeper than a twenty-year-old’s should be, an air of sadness clinging to him like wet clothes after being caught in the rain.

“You too,” you smile as he sits next to you in the damp grass.

Neither of you explicitly make plans to see each other here every year, yet you both tacitly know you wouldn’t miss this, the annual reconvening one you simultaneously cherish and dread. Suguru deserves to be celebrated, but it’s also a reminder of the time he didn’t get, the birthdays cut short when his life was stolen from him.

The two of you sit in silence for a while, content without speaking as a cool breeze picks up, dusk settling in.

“He should be here,” Satoru mutters, his knees tucked up to his chest.

“I know,” you murmur as you lay on your back, gaze unfocused on the darkening sky above you.

Another momentary pause falls between you.

“Did you love him?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you answer truthfully. “Did you?”

“Yeah.”

You let out a shaky breath. “Satoru?”

“Mhm?”

“Do you think that was enough, that we loved him?”

He tilts his head to look down at the grave that separates you, the lilacs you brought now lightly covered in a layer of dew. Sighing, he brushes away the tears that had been forming along his lash line. “I hope so.”

“I hope so, too.”

He reaches an arm out to you, holding your hand in his as you both place your empty palms onto the dirt.

“Happy birthday, Suguru,” you whisper.

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justanothersanjilover · 11 days

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One piece Modern Gym AU wips (Part1)

Back again with Trans Zoro thoughts:

Sanji somehow (I don't know how) landed a job in a women-only Gym as a food/health counselor. One day, he’s behind the bar, seeing a very buff, very scary-looking guy enter the gym. Sure as hell, that man doesn't belong in there, so he takes it up on himself to send the creep out.

“What do you want to do about it?”

The guy grinned as Sanji walked over telling him (not very friendly) to get out and asked if he couldn't read - the sign obviously said women-only.

“Then what are you doing here?”

Sanji wanted to punch the smug smile off his face!

“Not that it's to any of your concern, but I work here! And I WILL protect the girls in here!” He barked and made himself ready to throw the creep out.

“Again, what ya gonna do, you stick figure? Kick me out?” The guy asked provocatively.

You can imagine the surprised face he made when Sanji actually kicked him through the front door! There was a split-second where the creep looked approving, slightly nodding, and then he got up again. Sanji braced himself for a punch, but it never hit.

Instead he heard Nami (the manager of the gym) behind him, calling out.

“Zoro? Is that you?!”

She rushed over, pushing past Sanji, and jumped into the creep's arms. Sanji can only stand there, mouth hanging open like a fish on land.

“Shit, I knew the T would hit, but like that?! Man, you got huge!” She continued, laughing and ruffling the guy's green hair (who dyes his hair green anyway?!)

Before answering her, Zoro smirked dirtily at Sanji flipping him off with both hands.

“I worked out, too. It’s not only the T, witch!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Hitting the gym whenever you can - but not my gym apparently! Why is that?”

He pointed over to Sanji, who is feeling very uncomfortable to be suddenly the center of attention after kicking the managers friend (? Boyfriend? No, definitely just a friend!) out.

“As this lovely Gentleman over here just told me, its a women's only Gym. So I’m not allowed.”

“You mean Sanji scared you? Really?”

“No, he didn't scare me. But he had some…hitting arguments.”

Nami raised an eyebrow and looked from Sanji to Zoro and back.

“I’m sure you guys get along well,” she smiled and punched Zoro’s shoulder lightly - he did her a favor and hissed in fake pain, pressing a hand to his shoulder. “Sanji’s the kind of guy you used to take out to your lovely dates.”

“Is he.”

Zoro, again, smirked at Sanji who could tell he was blushing like hell as hot as his cheeks felt.

“I…I’m not…I mean…” he stammered as Zoro broke out in a full belly laugh and Nami joined in.

“It’s fine, Curly. I’m not really looking for anyone right now. Kinda have to figure to much shit out before I gonna let someone into my life again. Don't get your panties in a twist.”

And then he was led away by Nami to “go see the girls; they are going to be sooooo excited to see you again!” Sanji just stood there, mouth open again, staring at the back (the fucking broad back) of Zoro as he got practically run over by all the ladies currently in the Gym.

#one piece #roronoa zoro #zosan #black leg sanji #one piece sanji #zosan fanfic idea #one piece fanfic idea #trans roronoa zoro #one piece modern au #one piece gym au #probably sanzo too #it grows on me more and more

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noellefan101 · 8 months

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Regret and Jealousy(+Yandere) : Scaramouche

Characters: (past)Scaramouche x gn reader. (current)Kazuha x gn reader

Summary: your ex, Scaramouche, regrets his actions in your past relationship when he sees how happy you could have been, only now he´s been replaced, with Kazuha.

Warnings: mentions of yelling, physical harm and suicide. suicide thoughts, self-harm, little bit lot of yandere, murder, modern au, not proof-read, ooc(maybe), (pls inform me if there's anything else)

Note: i started writing this on accident while in a class(oops ig), anyway i hope you'll like this random thing i made, i´ll prob make more at some point, love you

I understand you hate me now, but i promise i´ll do better, just please, please, take me back. Don´t look at him, look at me, please, i beg of you to look at me the way you look at him... i promise i love you

What part of him is not good enough, he didn´t understand, what did Kazuha do better than him. Maybe he just wasn´t what you wanted in a partner. he couldn´t come up with the perfect love poems on the spot, he´s not sure if he could even say “i love you”, and if he could it would never be as sweet as Kazuha did, not in the way he says “i love you” just with his smile. But him, oh, no he barely smiles, never even, he didn´t even smile around you. Maybe that was what you loved more about Kazuha, maybe that was what made you run out of his arms, and into Kazuha´s.

If only he hadn´t let you go, if only he was like Kazuha, sweet from the feet and up to his dumb little red streak in his otherwise white hair. If only he hadn´t treated you like that, if only, if only... but that was then, he can´t change the past, but at least he could change himself. If only he knew how to do that... and there it was again that stupid ‘if only’, why does he even try, why does he even dream of having you back, when he knows that you wouldn´t want to, you wouldn´t want to experience that pain all over again. He wants to say sorry, but the words have never left his mouth before, and he doesn´t know how they would now.

He regrets ever mistreating you, yelling at you, hurting you. he regrets it all, he now realizes how bad he actually missed you. but it doesn´t matter anymore, you´ve already moved on, moved on with Kazuha. Kazuha, Kazuha, Kazuha... Kazuha, it has always been Kazuha hasn´t it, he´s popular, smart, pretty, romantic, sweet, nice, and doesn´t hurt you physically nor mentally. he almost understands why you chose Kazuha, almost. but just choose him again, he promises he won´t ever hurt you again, won´t ever tell you that you´re worthless or tell you to just kill yourself before he does, he swears he didn´t actually mean it, none of it.

He knows why you left him, you had a right to do so, to recover from the pain he gave you. yet he still wanted you now again, he doesn´t even know i he can change ever. but he´ll try, he´ll try for you. so you can see just how much of a better match he is for you, so he can prove to Kazuha that he´s better than him. that he deserves you more, that he wants you more, that he´s the one for you, and he would do anything for you.

Anything for his true love, Kazuha told you that too right, but he would still sacrifice you for other things, the foolish man doesn´t know that you should be on top of his list, just like you are on his. he´ll kill Kazuha if he has to, so you´ll stay with him, so he can show that he´ll do anything for you, he´ll even kill himself if that´s what you really want, but you don´t want that, right? Right?

He´ll go from universe to universe for you if he had to because now he finally realizes how badly he treated you, and how much he truly loved you, how he loves you. he´ll treat you better this time, he swears he will, he won´t ever yell at you, hurt you, do anyhting you don´t want, as long as you´re with him.

Just choose him, please, please, please... he´ll do anything... just not Kazuha, him.

thank u for reading(or re-reading), luv ya-Masterlist

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #gn reader #noelle´s maiden #scaramouche x reader #kazuha x reader #scaramouche #yandere #yandere scaramouche #regret #jealousy #angst #kaedehara kazuha #noellefan101 #noelle main #noellefan

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unabashednightmarepizza · 8 months

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𝐿𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑔𝑜 𝑃𝑖𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑠

A/N: I feel like this sucks but it would still do, I hope yall like it! This is also like the story of how director!reader and Ben got together in my "Shadow and Bone Chronicles AU" but could still be read seperately.

Taggings: @augustwithquills @idohknow @bloody-mf-bsc

Today will be hard, was his first thought when Ben woke up and started getting ready for the "hangout" you planned. It had been a long time since you two actually talked yet alone go to a place together. Between presses and shooting, the only form of communication between you two was texting and occasionally video calling.

And even they weren't able to fully ease his painfully beating heart.

He had stopped seeing a friend in you a long time ago. To him, it was way past that point. With your childish side coming out with him, showing your love through your sarcasm and bullying which made everyone laugh as he flushed, trusting him so much to the point you slept in his house whenever it became late, and how you always magically knew something was wrong with him and offered everything possible just to see him crack a smile...

It was the little things, the way you silently cared for him and did little things that made him fall for you.

Hard.

He paced around his room as he looked for his outfit, anxiously looking at his reflection in the mirror. Did he look fine? He wasn't too much, was he? Was he underdressed? He should have asked what you were going to wear-

"You aren't turning back to your anxious and weirdly worried self, are you?"

Jack's voice shook him from the deep turmoil he was close to putting himself in as Ben looked at him with an annoyed yet affectionate look at his brother who was leaning over his door. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you don't overthink." He huffed out a laugh as Ben grabbed his phone and wallet and brushed past him, letting out a laugh as his brother swatted his back and followed him. Being back at his parents' house, alongside his brother, had been the best decision he had ever made. Between shooting, going on stages to sing and doing press, he was exhausted and he rewarded himself with a month of full rest and just being Ben.

Not Ben Barnes, the actor the world knew.

He smiled softly to himself as he got out of the house, almost with a skip to his steps and trekked towards where you would be waiting for him. Though the sunny weather eased his mind and brought warmth in him, there was this... Disturbing ache and beating of his heart.

And the voice that always told him something was wrong, even in his best days.

Good guys never get the girl, don't get your hopes up...

That thought suddenly made him halt, close his eyes thightly and continue walking. His heart felt heavy at that unspoken fact, squeezing and contrasting painfully. That was something he was used to experience, it always happened to him anyways, leaving hım heartbroken.

And he really didn't understand why women tended to go after men, rather boys, that could never treat them right.

But deep down, all this worry and negative voice was because of... His feelings for you.

He wanted to confess, to tell you that he liked you for a long time now, wanted to wrap his arms around you as he inhaled your smell and savored your warmth and love. He wanted to sway you to a song only you two heard, cook with you and then perhaps throw flour at each other like in those cliche romcoms.

He wanted to tell you about his day, talk to you, call you freely without worrying about anything, call you sweet names, share his life with you and talk about it as you both laid on your beds, crack jokes to make you laugh as he would bask in the sound of its melody...

Yes, he was a hopeless romantic but it had always been like that anyways.

He was just good at hiding those intentions behind care and flirting. But it was perhaps obvious in the way that he had been acting, that he was searching for a commitment and serious love, that he thought about settling down with the woman of his life.

But could he really do that? He didn't even know if you felt the same, would it really be worth risking your friendship? Besides, there were other things to worry about as well. He wouldn't be there all the time for you and you for him even if he wanted, and you two would have to rely on the net while missing each other... And perhaps, you would get tired of him and this constant time of being away, want to find someone who could actually take time for you and give you everything you deserved and made you happy-

But just as when his thoughts started to slightly overwhelm him, he heard your voice steadily coming closer to where he was waiting for you... Alongside with the hard "pat!" sounds your shoes made against the pavement.

"Hello,Ben! I'm sorry I was late, I had to run here..." You panted and came to a stop when you reached his figure that was looking at you with worry as he helped you straighten up. His hand rubbed your back and he widened his eyes at how hard and fast your heart was beating, so much so that he could feel it through layers of clothes and skin.

"But why did you run, Y/N? Your heart beats like crazy, let's sit down a bit-"

"Because you were waiting... I didn't want to make you wait."

And it always does that flips whenever I'm near anyway

He widened his eyes at what you said, and couldn't help but let his heart make those flips too as he slightly blushed. You panted harshly to get more air into your lungs after running for 15 minutes straight. It wasn't your fault that the bus you took broke down in the middle of the road, but perhaps remembering sometimes, that you were also a famous who had her own car would help.

"So... Let me give a big hug to my favourite actor and friend! You were so good as the Darkling and excuse you, how dare you make me like him..." You got up with a wide smile, arms wide open as you rambled about his latest work and gushed out because God knew what those costumes and raspy voice of his did to you. This was perhaps the most futile attempt you had ever done, trying to conceal your feelings for the kind man before you.

You always knew Ben was handsome, charming and everything a woman could ever want in a man. He was kind, generous, cute and excited like a puppy most of the time and they were all the reasons you fell for him.

A grave mistake on your end, because he could never like you in that way. Why would he, when he could have anyone, when there were many who wanted him?

But as you gushed and buried your apparent affections for the man before you, you didn't realize how his smile slightly faltered and dropped, his eyes casting down with thight and pained lips as he bit them, hands thightening inside his pocket.

Of course, you didn't see him that way...

Against all odds, Ben let himself believe that Jack and pretty much everyone was right about his feelings and that you returned them.

What a fool he could be...

Maybe he was supposed to be more direct? Like a dinner date and not a hang out? But yet again, you were the one who prepared this and specifically called it a "hangout", not a date.

If he was in his house, he was sure he would have thrown a book or two at the wall angrily and eat himself up as he sat on his couch.

Contrary to what people believed hım to be, an effortless flirt, he wasn't. Not when it came to genuine feelings he had been harbouring for such a long time. He had dated before, obviously, and though he used to felt a spark to the women he dated... All of them went away after some time. He never felt that dizzying feeling whenever he was near them, or wanted to spend every waking hour with them, to know and listen to how they are, to be there for them in any way possible and shoulder their weights like it was his own...

He never felt that desperate for a girl before and this enough told him that his feelings were going to get even deeper as more time passes, and not go away.

Besides, he wouldn't be able to do so for so long since you always found a way to be there for him and surprise him, making it near impossible to stay away from you as he would always grin widely in response.

Such as his birthday, when you suddenly appeared from inside the box with a huge cake between your hands, obviously getting into it with the help of his castmates even if you were "supposed" to be working away from him but came here just for him anyways, a decision he had come to realize that brought tears to his eyes and squeezed at his chest.

You were effortlessly kind and considerate, and he really wanted to be mad at you for making hım feel like that, be vulnerable at your presence so much but he also knew that you had nothing to do with the way his heart felt about you and your stupid smile.

And he can't, he just can't hate you, be mad at you. He is rather mad at himself, for not listening to his friends who always said good guys never win, he is mad at himself for imagining things, dreaming of you and him together so much that he thought they could come true.

But what if...

He was about to cry tears of frustration every time he backed away from letting his intrusive thoughts win and just scoop you in a bear hug, kissing all over your face.

Such as right now, as you were trying to pinch his cheeks cutely, unaware of what you were doing to the poor man who was sure to smoke at this point.

"you are cute whenever you have that look on your face..." You giggled at his pouting and crimson face as he tried to cover it up by coughing and offered you his arm as you both walked together silently, acting like having you pressed to his body wasn't affecting him, making him almost loose his balance with tripping on his own feet.

As your eyes were glued to the road ahead of you, you didn't realize his focused gaze on you while he looked at your face secretly. There were eyebags under your eyes, something you were insecure about it sometimes but he found them adorable.

Especially when you smiled and alongside your cheeks, they made your eyes almost disappear by how big of a smile you had.

You got more skinny, perhaps a result of working too much. He knew your tandency of overworking yourself and forgetting to eat, since he had to force you eat many times as you would blush and admit your mistake with cheeks full of his food.

But there were some pleasant changes with you too. First, your hair which was a different color that suited you better and they framed your face perfectly. Then the change in style came too. You always used to dress more comfortable and sporty, refusing to show your curves or skin even though many complimented you when you showed them...

And now... you were more confident with everything about you and he couldn't be happier at seeing you love your own body.

He didn't actually know if that was a good change because many people were already looking at you up and down with eyes that definetly wasn't friendly which made his blood boil inside him...

And as you dragged him to the Lego shop, he knew that he would still have all of you and fight whoever dared to wipe that wide smile on your pretty face.

"Please, please, please! Look, I'm telling you, this one is expensive, I'm not gonna lie." You stopped Ben from saying anything with defensive hands to his way, standing behind the huge Hogwart's building lego set and made your best impression of puppy eyes, begging him while he was looking at you with teasing eyes, lips drawn up softly as he eyed the many items behind you.

As soon as you both entered, you disappeared from Ben's sight and he was left shocked behind you as he ran after you, wondering how you could be that fast. He chuckled under his breath at your excitement and it soon turned to full laughter when he found you looking at the lego set with heart eyes, with your hand clasped together and he had to refrain from buying it.

He coughed once, twice to cover his flushed cheeks and tried to make the best impression of being serious.

"Don't you think It's a bit expensive?" His eyes softened when you pouted and turned to look at the price tag, and he already knew that he would buy whatever it is that you wanted to have just to have your smile.

"But... We can split? This one is soooo big anyways, and I don't have enough room in my home." You laughed giddily, trying your chances with him as you showed how big it was like a child being asked how much do you love me and Ben smiled at you, standing next to you as he took a look at the box. He had to admit, that one looked... Way too good to not to buy, just like you insisted.

But he has to be stern! He wasn't as much of a simp as his brother and pretty much everyone pointed hım out to be!

"Don't you already have enough Lego sets in your house, love?" He turned his eyes to you, not realizing the sweet nickname that passed his lips as you blushed and stared at his soft and kind dark brown eyes with a stuttered breath. He leant over to you with his hot breath over your face, his stubbled and handsome face making your heart flip as the way he thightened his jaw sent you in a frenzy.

Suddenly, the air had gotten hotter and you had to fan yourself and take a step back from him before you did something you might regret later... Like jumping on him right there and there.

"I do? My mom keeps telling me to get rid of a few of them, asking how I live in there.... And besides, look! " You took a box that held the Funko POP figure of Sirius Black and showed it to him, in which he playfully raised a brow at, chuckling at your childish side that came out whenever you two hang out together and took the box from you. He already knew that he would buy whatever you wanted as soon as he saw how excited you were but it didn't hurt to tease, right?

"This one is you, in another universe, begging you to buy him~"

you shook it from side to side with a cute pout and came closer to him with small steps, peeking around the tiny corner of the box as he giggled at your antics.

"I haven't played Sirius Black yet, love..." he pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing, but it made you gasp dramatically and look at the box and then at him and back to his amused face with an offended gasp.

"But you ARE the Sirius BLACK?" you raised your brow in the Rock way, giggling when he shoved you away gently and shook his head at you. You were a big Harry Potter fan and openly, very openly indeed, fangirled after Sirius Black at any chance.

There were times he caught you watching edits of Marauders and cry, which he couldn't lie that was cute, and often comforted you.

He had to admit fans had some real talent with making edits that real.

And also, these would be one of those times that you swore you would one day make the Marauders TV series a reality and him as Sirius. He would chuckle and agree, if you ever decide to do that for real, and though he tried not to show his enthusiasm, you knew he was also excited at that idea but didn't tell outright to not put a weight on your shoulders.

Another reason to love him and also make this shit real.

"If you buy me this... Who knows, maybe a big surprise will be waiting for you at home~"

He was a damn almost-40 man, did you really think you could deceive him with such thing?

How old was he? Five?

But...

"Oh? Are you bribing me with a surprise?" He couldn't help but give only one fast glance at what you were holding and... He was so close to caving in, calling it a day and buy whatever you wished to buy.

Life was short, you gotta have fun, right?

Besides, you were using that puppy eyes and please you always cutely did with the battings of your lashes and pout, and he was a complete sucker, weak at the knees for the combination of the two cutest thing on the lovely face of the most adorable person he knew.

"Because it's working!"

You cheered loudly with a clap of your hands and a quick twirl, sprinting to the shelves in a hurry. You seriously thought he was gonna say no, by the hard look on his face and squeezed eyes he often did whenever he either thought about something or was getting ready to refuse an offer.

What can you say? He was a damn good actor, one hell of a kind even.

After you both were finally able to wrap everything up, and you forced him to make lego versions of each other which he was reluctant first but soon found himself making little versions of his friends and family too much to your enjoyment as he had the most gleeful look, you finally pulled him to where you could finally pay for everything.

Even though you had to hold the neck of his sweater and force him, much like a mama cat.

But now, you had to distract him someway because... Well, you forgot that half of the things were actually his birthday surprises, unknowing to him, and you had to pay for them before he did.

"Hey Ben..." He hummed at you when you tugged on his coat and looked down from sideways. His handsome face was full on display, the sharpness of his jaw making your knees turn to jelly momentarily before you pulled yourself together and smiled at his grinning face, eyes twinkling in happiness as a little strand of his hair escaped from the beanie he wore.

"Did you know you can make legos for your animals too?"

"You can?! Why didn't you tell me this before! I'll be quick, just wait a few minutes, okay?" You laughed as he hurriedly got out of the line, all the while sprouting I'm sorry's to the people left and right while momentarily holding their shoulders to not to bump into them harshly.

Another fact about him that was so loveable.

You sighed lovingly after his back, watching him miss the first turn and then flusteredly look at you as he turned back to the right one and smile. You giggled at his silliness and shook your head.

For an adult, he surely didn't act like one.

"Hmm, what a lovely couple you are... It's been so long since seeing two people so in love."

You slowly turned back to see a short, old woman holding her grandson's hand while they too waited in line, all the while smiling kindly and staring knowingly with a mirth of a future-mother-in-law type of way at you.

"Did you," you pointed between you and Ben at a distance coming over to you fast, with a shocked face as he watched you with red cheeks, smiling bashfully at the older woman's soft yet teasing eyes.

Oh, shit... He heard her, oh my God this is so awkward!

"... mean us? Pftt, no ma'am, we aren't dating, we are friends. He is just buying me the gift he couldn't buy."

Even though I wish he was something more...

You waved her off as if it was no big deal, trying and probably failing to conceal your flustered state as if being mistaken as a couple bu ithers didn't make your heart launch at your throat.

The older lady, who came with her grandchildren, only hummed in thought and nodded and you swore you saw the playfulness that came with youth in her eyes for a second. "Well, that young man doesn't look at you like a friend."

And as if she didn't just drop the biggest bomb at you, she took a hold of her grandchildren's hand and let them guide her away in yet another shelf after they left the toys near the cash.

You gazed after the woman with a slacked jaw and couldn't help but think about her words.

What did she meant by "He isn't looking at you like a friend does."?

What do I not see? Had I been... Blinded by my insecurities?

No, that was impossible. Because come on, it was obvious that he had a type in woman and you definetly didn't suit that. Besides, it wasn't like Ben to shy away from confessing or telling you about his feelings so, there was literally no reason for him to hide if he liked you back.

You weren't the Boogeyman, right?

You were silently, and slowly, drowning in these thoughts when a thoughtful-looking Ben came back with three more lego sets for the animals he knew and loved and you couldn't help but worry about him.

"Ben? Are you okay? You were fine like 15 minutes ago..."

"Yes, I am fine... Have you payed for everything?" His eyes slowly drifted towards your hands that was full of the sets, nodding your head at hım as he hummed and went to pay for the other three he got while you were left dumbfounded at his... Sudden lack of excitement.

He was just fine as he went to that shelves, what happened in just 15 minutes I wasn't there?

As you trailed close behind him, since that man was tall and his steps were bigger than yours, Ben was thinking back to what had happened in the store. How that old lady called you "his lover" and how he grinned like a kid being given his favourite toy at a Christmas day. He was beaming with joy inside at seeing other people being able to witness the traces if love in his actions, face and gestures since this, was the kind of man he was.

Proud to show off his loved ones as long as they deemed it okay and safe.

But the bitter pang of you refusing it so blatantly and quickly squeezed his poor heart harshly.

Why did you always look like it was such an absurd think to be seen as his girlfriend?

Before this day, he would have thought that it might have gone as far as disgusting you. But soon, he realized that it was far beyond that after he saw you blushing and loosing track of what you were gonna say or do whenever he leant a bit closer, or hugged you thightly.

Both different from how you used to act with him before.

Yet, he didn't want to get his hopes up only to crush when you rejected... That is, until that lady in the store came and literally knocked some sense to his "thick" head.

That girl is madly in love but doesn't know you also are, even a half-blind old geezer like me can see it!

That was exactly her words.

At first, he tried to go back against her words, telling her how wrong she was... Then he noticed what she said first and now, he was a mess.

What is he supposed to do now?!l

"Hey, Ben? There is actually something I want to talk to you..."

Now, that was the most couregous shit you were about to do in your whole life besides choosing your line of profession and that one time you decided to cross roads without holding your parents' hands.

Ben isn't the kind of man to throw someone aside for such thing, is what you thought as you took deep breaths to calm yourself down and stared at his lips as his nervous eyes found yours. You hated to be the cause of that, especially after such a fun day out, but... If you didn't do this, it would haunt you even in your dreams and regrets would wash over you for the rest of your days.

"Sure, of course... Look, if It's about-" he started with a dejected sigh, full on expecting you to tell him that the idea of being together or anyone entertaining such idea was wrong and stupid.

"I have had feelings for you for a long time!"

Yeah, no he was hearing voices that wasn't actually-Wait, what?

You rushed the words out in one breath, fearing that if you waited even a second, you would loose all your courage. That short time of your adrenaline rush was soon over, and you were left as a jittery mess before his shocked eyes as he tried to understand the situation he suddenly found himself in.

A situation that seemed like it was out of his dreams.

"Y-You... You have what?"

You groaned in embrassment while avoiding looking up, knowing the look of rejection even without doing so.

Oh, only had you done it... You would have seen the bright red face he supported with the cutest, boyish smile ever.

"Look, I know you don't feel the same but do you really have to-"

"Who said I don't?"

This time, it was your turn to become the shocked Pikachu but Ben wasn't done yet.

"This... Do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment?"

Double shocked Pikachu.

Your brain was turned into a putty, short curcuiting every second as it tried to understand what it was hearing. Maybe it was the cold weather? Maybe you brain froze and now was replaying the recent pleasing dream-

"I-I... You have?" You asked with a weak voice, hope lacing every single part of you as your eyes shone with love and expectations. His eyes softened at how fragile you looked, so dependant on what was going to leave his lips. He knew you tried to avoid confrontation as much as possible, especially when you weren't sure about the outcome.

This must be already hard for you to do and here he was, being all silent and staring at you which was probably even more nerve-wracking.

But you just seemed so cute, so adorable with that cute pink over your cheeks all the while looking up to him! He was just dreaming about how soft your cheeks must be, so squishy and warm because of the cool wind-

"Are you gonna say something?" You pouted at his face, still staring at you with a stupid smile as he let out a soft chuckle at your angry face, feet stomping like a bunny.

You didn't understand what was taking hım so long just to form a simple sentence. Yes or no, simple! You were the one who made leap of faith, the one who was close to having a heart attack and he was just grinning, shuffling on his feet excitedly-

"I love you too..."

You laughed out in glee at it, like a kid being given a hefty amount of chocolate and jumped up happily. At moments of pure excitement, humans lost track of what they did and that was exactly what happened as you moved to kiss his cheek but ınstead landed a smooch on the corner of his lips.

You kissed the corner of his lips...

You... Kissed... The corner... Of his mouth...

He slowly covered back from the shock as he watched you, a hand on his lips while disbelief was written all over his face and eyes. The epiphany od the moment nearly blinded him and he was sure his heart literally dropped but was them set aflame wildly.

Upon realizing what you had done,you stood there with your hands still on his chest to balance yourself... But when you came back to your senses, you left the bags between his hands and ran away with flaming cheeks, leaving an utterly bewildered, shocked yet happly in love man in the middle of the pavement as he stared longingly after you, already planning the next 100 dates ahead.

Dinner at Barnes' household was never quiet.

It was walmost tradition at this point, Ben and Jack bickering with each other go the last bite of the meal or one of them talking about their job as the parents listened...

But never in like 40 years that it had been that silent. And Tricia had a very good guess as to why with just one simple glance at her blushing eldest son who very much so resembled the kid he once was.

Tricia, as the observant mother she was, just stared at her eldest son eating... Like a proper human being for the first time with a small smile, and chuckled to herself. Ahh, what love does to people...

Hearing their mother sigh deeply, both Ben and Jack looked at her weirdly as they stopped eating. They stared at each other as if asking what the other did, nudging each other, even if they were literal adults, but in the end, Ben was the only one able to ask her as he gulped down his food.

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"You're in love and didn't tell me."

A snort left Jack as he tried to hold himself back from full on cackling as Ben shot him a look and turned to his mother with slightly blushing cheeks, eyes wide and full of wonder at how she was able to know this.

Did she really have eyes at the back of her head?

He really hoped and tried his best at hiding what just happened to him a few hours ago, even though the blush on his cheeks and the heavy shopping bags full of gifts made it pretty obvious.

"Where... where did you get this idea from?"

But he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day and Ben wasn't going to make today his last day of peace. Because he knew...

He knew his whole family, down to the very end of both his parents' side, would tease him endlessly for his "obvious" crush on you, especially more than usual if they heard you and him were finally together.

But unforfunately, he was the one getting caught of guard when his mum noncholantly shrugged her shoulders and continued to eat as normal, looking at him above her glasses with a happy grin.

" Because, you finally eat without smacking your lips. Someone finally was able to chip that habit away... Which only a woman would be able to do."

"More specifically... A pretty co-worker of yours who goes by Y/N~"

Ben was left absolutely in shock with his mouth hang open at the way his own mum understood what was going on with him, his raging crush, as Jack choked on his own food and his dad looked between him and his wife with a grin that matched the one as hers. "So, he really grew enough balls to confess?"

"Dad!"

"It seems so, honey. Finally, the days he mops all around has ended!" She enthusiasticly replied him without glancing at her offended yet happy son as they both looked at him happily. After all, they have been rooting for you and him to get together for ages. You were a very kind soul, always offering your help even if you were at the other side of the planet and being Tricia's best gossip partner. She still remembered how you called her and told her your plan to surprise Ben in the middle of his shootings for his brithday and how it had to stay hidden as you prepared everything.

That was when she knew it was you for her son.

If her son hadn't done a move already, she was about to take the matters into her hands just to officially make you family.

But yet again... She was unsure if it was really her son who did it first.

"So... Who confessed first, son?"

"I bet my arse it was her!" Jack yelled out as a blush appeared on Ben's face at remembering what happened before he came back home, how your slightly chapped but still soft lips felt against his own skin,and that was enough to throw them into a frenzy as Jack cheered loudly for him while his father also joined.

But his mother, seeing the embrassment on her eldest's face, tried to shush them. But of course, as the men of the house were quite loud, it was near impossible with being the only female.

Another reason for you to join the family.

"Jack, no cursing at dinner!"

"Okay, I'm out. I don't want to listen to your teasings..." Ben slapped his knees as he got up and walked towards his room in his parents' house, his heart thundering inside his chest as his hand got clammy with anxiety.

He still couldn't believe how today turned out, how you told him you loved him for a while but wasn't sure if it was one-sided or not, that this was actually a date... Which he found absolutely ridiculous because he thought he was being very obvious, and then kissed him as if those words leaving your words weren't already enough for him to be sent into a cardiatic operation.

"Yeah, go and talk with your girlfriend~"

"Jack, stop making fun of your brother!"

But when he went up to his very much so enormous amount of gifts at the corner of his house, not caring about how his family suddenly turned silent as they watched him secretly from the corner, a note attached to the biggest set caught his eye and he softly took it between his hands and couldn't help but tear up at what was written in your handwriting.

Thank you for being exactly who you are and offering me a chance I never imagined that would be mine, something I didn't know I need my whole life... Happy belated birthday, Ben :)

"Oh my God... Is he crying-"

"MUM, BEN IS CRYING BECAUSE OF HIS GIRL!"

And he couldn't help but chuckle when he sat down and looked at the post and later story you shared, reading all the excited and shocked comments, feeling grateful for taking that old woman's suggestion seriously and rolling with it.

Because now, after years of pining, he finally had what he wanted and the voice that whispered to him was now... Silent.

Good guys indeed get the girl in the end, and he got his.

His lego piece.

Liked by freddycarter1, blakelively, benbarnes and 5,456,132 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Anything to see this wide smile...Even though it costed more than 10,000 Sterlins

View 453,623 comments

User1: WHEN IS IT GONNA BE MY TIME? BEN BARNES YOU LUCKY-

User5: GIRL WHAT DID YOU BUY?!

Y/N Y/L/N: nothing much really. The Hogwarts Building, 12 Grimmauld Place, Hogwarts Express, Gryffindor House, the Quidditch Trunk and Sirius Black POP Figure... It was the food that costed more.

User5: YOU CALL THIS "NOT SO MUCH"?! GIRL HOW RICH ARE YOU?!

User7: and do you accept any other sugar baby?

User3: guys there is a more important question to ask... Are they together finally? Because there are photos of them being all cute together and kissing sweetly and if that shit is right, I can't breathe...

User7: I say Ben Barnes finally found someone to babygirlify hım😌 as he should be

User7: Hear me out, whoever is reading this between you two, if you prove us that you are fucking together finally... I'll start to sing a song for this specific ship and upload it on Twitter

User6: THE BET IS A BIG ONE, COME ON NOW Y/N WE ONLY EXCEPT ONE SIGN

User12: OMG GUYS CHECK HER STORY RIGHT NOW WE DID IT, OUR SHIP HAS SAILED😭😭🥹 AND DAMN BEN BARNES YOU KNOW HOW HOT YOU ARE IN SWEATERS😭🫦

Y/N Y/L/N added to her story!

#ben barnes x you #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes #shadow and bone imagine

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