#anyways their music from 2017 makes me feel some type of way

[dickggansey]

i was soooooooo insane about day6 when i was 19 those were some good times......

[cxcewg]

your social media aus are amazing!! i was wondering if you could do a private relationship between charles x singer!reader (fc: olivia rodrigo) but fans find out?

sour

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!singer!reader - requested type: social media au (fc: olivia rodrigo) author’s note: aw ty! im glad you like my smaus. anyways, your wish is my command 😚 i aged her up a year for this cuz it'd be a bit weird if they started dating right after she turned 17... also her birthday is no longer february first time i used stories (the format def tripped me up) and i don't know how to edit it so i just tossed some pics on and called it a day - let me know if you know anywhere where i can make insta stories :) tumblr fcked up several times so uhm 😔had to rewrite this a couple times... hope this did your request justice! ❤️ warnings: none! masterlist

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yourusername recharging ⚡

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tatemcrae motherrrr

yourusername ❤️

conangray literally screaming

yourusername love youu

ynshq we love yn button —------>

motherism.ts recipe?

yourusername the cookies turned out a bit hard haha but we used the sallys baking addiction one motherism.ts omg you responded! thank you, i will absolutely make them someday :) ariswifey we?

karenelliot Charles, what are you doing here?

elizxbeth LMAO HE LOVES HER MUSIC TOO karenelliot He has good taste. amielliot.1 mom please stop... amielliot.1 it's so creepy when you use grammar this isn't a work email

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yourusername some behind the scenes from the making of SOUR. time of our lives! swipe ➡️for a jumpscare 😂

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tatemcrae stunning omggg

camila_cabello luv uuu

andreaxx the second pic has me in tears 😆

a_esliehiggins fr lmao

id.otsandwich i love her she's so funny

ynhate she is overrate asf their are 0 good songs on her ass album kanye west is way beter

jana.b04 *overrated *there jana.b04 fix your grammar first sweetie 😘 ryanandblake4life oh girlie...

kaufman.sharlene uh is anyone seeing the guy behind her in the second pic? cuz that doesnt look like dan at all

liked by scuderiaferrari, joris_trouche, and 1,395,103 others

charles_leclerc Feels good to be back on the podium! Now to recharge the batteries for a few weeks and enjoy some sun 😘

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joris_trouche LET'S GO ❤️

whyisitalwaysme im so happy omg

malcom.parker charles leclerc is so overrated. girls only like him because he's cute.

chrles.lechair bruh yes he's cute, but that's only a bonus chrles.lechair i like him because he's a nice guy, a great driver, he has a great mentality (just look at baku 2017 or bahrain 2017), he's one of the most talented drivers on the grid (rookie season 2018???). he just needs a good car and good team. liked by yourusername lucasduncan for reallll it needed to be said de1dre.brxan amen chrles.lechair OMG YN LIKED I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS A CHARLES FAN

hherman look at that adorable smile

p1erre.gf1 im so glad ferrari didn't fuck it up for him he does not deserve it

f1l8ley THE KISSY FACE IS BACK AGAIN LETS GOOO

lestappenfliccs who was that girl you were spotted with?

moll.s who??? lestappenfliccs look at enews's tweet moll.s hes cheating on max???? lestappenfliccs and carlos too 😭

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yourusername 21 has never felt sweeter 🌙

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billieeilish gorg

yourusername love uuuu

conangray happy birthday to the most annoying person on the planet!

yourusername love you too 😘

francisca.cgomes lindaaaa aproveite 21 beautiful enjoy 21

yourusername te amooo love you hiltonkam.l kika?

maxineb.ford where you at rn?

yourusername london! doing some traveling in europe right now 😘 maxineb.ford nicee whered you go? yourusername spent some time in belgium maxineb.ford fun! did you go with madison or iris? yourusername sadly not, they're very busy but i spent some time with a friend of mine 🥰

jjmils shes so pretty

ynfan.1 adam fumbled so hard

janisbarton bruh she was too good for that asshole ashlycamerons and then he cheated janisbarton men ☕ ynfan.1 she was so out of his league frr

bettyrice24 the eyes never lie 🥺

lalaur05 girl you tryna make sumthin outta nuthin bettyrice24 smh im just sayin i think our girl has a new boy toy on the scene 😘

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yourusername 🌴love feels extra fun in the sun ❤️

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madisonhu 😘

conangray wish i was there 😭

liked by yourusername

magsmm oh my god the CAPTION?! is yn tryna tell us something?

bettyrice24 guys… i seriously think mother has been snatched up

lalaur05 bruh she posts like 2 pics and you’re like “oh shes got a boyfriend” stop speculating lalaur05 like just chill bettyrice24 no but seriously like these pics shes def not taking it so shes with somebody obviously lalaur05 oh wait you’re right bettyrice24 iris and madison are busy bettyrice24 AND AND like conan said he wished he was there so hes not there

charles_leclerc followed yourusername yourusername followed charles_leclerc

yourusername posted on their story!

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conangray replied to your story!

conangray girl this isn't your close friends conangray WAKE UP STOP MAKING OUT yourusername huh? yourusername shit

tatemcrae replied to your story!

tatemcrae spill. tatemcrae now. yourusername what????? tatemcrae 👀 tatemcrae OK START TALKIJNG GIRL TELL ME HIS LIFE STORY

870 users reacted to your story view more

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yourusername posted on their story!

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liked by your_username, conangray, and 4,178,444 others

charles_leclerc I think you're more than sweet enough. Two years with you have been the best in my life, Ti amo, je t'aime, I love you 😘 i love you, i love you, i love you

tagged yourusername

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conangray you better take good care of her 🔪

charles_leclerc With my life. ❤️ yourusername conan- yourusername charles 🥺 yourusername come here so i can give you a kiss

madisonhu the caption im crying 😭

pierregasly damn 2 years and you're still scarring me every time

yourusername learn to knock

landonorris i went through hell keeping this a secret

yourusername we really should not have told you landonorris hey i'm great at keeping secrets yourusername im sure

apples.oranges THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2023 BINGO CARD

i_fulton1 I KNEW IT WAS HIM ON HER STORY

velmab99 THE BANDANA

bettyrice24 AHAHA WAHT DID I SAY

lalaur05 🙄 bettyrice24 YOU'RE BUYING

irene.larson01 bruhh charles mfing "i am stupid" leclerc managed to pull HER?

oliviakhan there is still hope for me nothoughtsheadempty charles lecrizz who?

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yourusername i thought i was purple until i met you. always cheering for the red team, always yours ❤️

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charles_leclerc ❤️❤️❤️

landonorris also does this mean we can get front row seats to your next concert?

lovingleclerc lando 💀 landonorris what? i want to go 🙄

tatemcrae i cannot believe you didn't tell me 😭

yourusername im sorryyyy please forgive me 🙏  tatemcrae i accept paddock passes as an apology btw username shes so real for that lmaoooo

lovingleclerc im crying so hard where can i find a love like this

roscoepawparazzi 😭time to take a bath with my toaster

single.sad. heading to the highway, anyone with me?

banana_leclerc ✋

francisca.cgomes aaaa tão fofo so cute

charlottesine belleeee beautyyy

yourusername je t'aime 😘 nous devons nous réunir un jour! i love you! we have to get together one day time44hammertime i love that they're friends apples.oranges THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2023 BINGO CARD EITHER honeybadger3 OH MY GOD CHA HI teamlando4 did charles homie hopper leclerc strike again?? f1gossipnews i actually heard that cha introduced charles to yn after they broke up so 😌no more homie hopper leclerc pieasstree eek i love this sm yn is such a girls girl mrstealyogirl charles needs to watch out his ex is about to steal his girl lol

taglist: @remyspams 😘

requests are open! (i promise i'm working on them)

[arosspeaksnonsense]

So... I had a like, one shot fic type story idea

I probs won't be able to write it since I require full focus/dedication/attention to something when i want it to come into fruition (which is already difficult as is) and also since I have too much going on in my head and I want to do all of it, but instead I find myself doing nothing all day please god help me idk what this is called (my guess is laziness)

BUT anyways, onto the story idea

You know how ink's vials and I guess livelihood depends entirely on the creators/fandom? (Ok I guess not ENTIRE but his vials do depend on it, which is the things that essentially makes him alive.)

Well, since the fandom is not very active as it was when it was like, 2016-2017 (not saying its dead)

What if the fandom, just, dies? I mean duh its inevitable and Ink is silently pleading that the last creators hopefully won't leave but he knows its inevitable, no matter how hard he tries to make them stay, some of them already starting to give up.

The others notice ink's change in behavior and ink tells them the entire the thing and how he has only a few more time left to be alive I guess.

The others obviously distraught about this, but ink reassures them its fine, but the others weren't convinced

And then they find ink maybe sobbing or terrified as he tells them that the creators all left and are all gone and that he's probably going to go soon too.

This makes the others panic and desperately asks ink if there is another way for his vials to work, in which he sadly answers no.

they then dedicate the next few days into making sure ink is enjoying every second of the very little time he has left.

As they slowly looses all his colors one by one, eventually he looses all of them completely, which leaves them being the same emotionless, soulless skeleton he started as before.

Everyone is left in distraught and sadness

All his friends all sobbed and cried, some silently and/or internally crying, as their once lively, creative and cheerful friend, now nothing more than an empty shell of what he once were.

A hollow husk, with an emotionless and empty expression.

A painful reminder hit all of them, that they will never get that face to smile ever again. the same face that used to grin and laugh all the time.

The cheerful smile that he let out as he pranks and greets others, the lively motivations he loved giving to everyone.

The Laughs and snorts he gave out whenever he got someone in a prank, or from a joke not many understand, if any one did at all. And how when he becomes too flustered, or when too much euphoria and happiness comes flooding his feelings, he will starting to float in the air and continuously go up until the euphoria ends and they eventually go back down.

His Lips(?) Now closed and sealed shut

No sign of a tone or a voice to speak

The hands that used to paint with such freedom and care, the hands that used to make such magnificent and beautiful paintings, that gorgeously and perfectly replicate reality as if though it was reality itself. The fingers that used to dance around the flute as it made music, the hands that sew not only fabrics of clothing but also the fabrics of reality.

Gone is the passion in his hands that once were, the hands that moved freely, stuck in place.

His feet that loved to dance and move wherever it goes, exposed out to the world, lacking of any visible footwear, lacking any care where it stepped and what it was on, representing freedom and free of chains.

Both now rigid and unmoving.

His eyes, oh dear his eyes. The eyes that used to express themselves so much. So expressive that it almost made you forget he lacked the very base of every being, a soul. The eyes that so greatly showed its differing and unique shapes and colors that expressed whatever emotion they were feeling.

Now reduced into an empty and pitiful circles of white, indicating emotionless and lifelessness, no more is the eyes that burst with colors and shape, only a blank stare is what remains.

He was so empty.

It terrified and saddened everyone.

The Multiverse Was filled with sobs and cries, Silence in some

The Multiverse was crying and mourning its guardian.

Dream, Distraught, knew what he had to do.

He had only known about ink's dads when Dream had been frantically looking for Ink as he had seemingly Disappeared, only to find said skeleton in the garden with a Gaster, this one had wings.

He has watched and approached carefully, but was stopped by a loud yelled by the short skeleton

He didn't know how to respond but he only walked closer, the expression on the gaster seemed..pleasantly surprised.

Not long after, dream had found out about how he isn't the only gaster in the house but two were sharing it, and how said two are married and fathers to his short friend

It was a pleasant surprise to dream

But...this surprise..

Will not be so pleasant.

As Dream was about to grab and carry Ink, The hands that intertwined on eachother, that hands being of Inks and Errors

Speaking of the glitch, Hes...probably not going to be well after this, after all besides blue, Ink was the only one that really took the time and Effort to Understand and Befriend Error, they had a very close relationship.

Error had not let go of Ink's Hand ever since the news of his depleting life. His haphephobia suddenly gone during doing so, (or is it?? I can't tell.) But now, he doesn't seem to react, only tightening his grip and continuing to look and stare into nothingness, finally Dream spoke

"Error..?, can you..let go?? Of Ink, I feel like his father's need to see this."

"...why can't they just..come here..."

" I'm afraid Aster cannot step outside of their AU"

"...fine. But I'll with you."

"Of course."

Dream opened a portal, he slowly walks through with error, who's carrying ink bridal style.

Aster and Top has not spoken over the past few days, worry littered their mind, as the news of their little star burning itself out soon had reached their non existant ears.

They spent Time with their little star, they made sure he enjoyed and had fun every second of the time they had left with him.

Eye bags shows prominent under their eyes, they hear a knock at the door, their eyes grows surprised, wishfully hoping their little hat had come to visit them again

Aster stands up and walked towards the door, a smile on his face, as he opens the door, his smile drops,

He sees the three Skeletons, and he sees especially the star that had burnt out.

Aster simply stares and does not respond, his eyes widened.

His hands slowly reaches for Ink

And Error though hesitant, give Ink to Aster.

Aster, felt like he couldn't breathe, the little star that always shined bright, so much so it didn't seem like they were ever going to die down, and yet here he is, no longer shining, his smile and laughs and snorts gone forever.

As he holds ink, he holds his hands, tears starts to flow down his face, he remembers when he held those small hands, guide them through the dirt, when Aster was teaching ink about gardening, when Aster saw the glimmer in his eyes (oh god, he will never get to see that ever again will he?) When he was watching Aster show him around the Garden, offering to show him how to grow beautiful flowers. He so excitedly followed every step so cautiously, contradicting Aster's Expectation of many mess up.

As he held into ink's tiny hands, the hands that he teached to learn many things, that he teached to not used his power so much.

He cried, he cried for ink, he cried for his child, his baby, his star.

And behind Aster, walks Top.

Eyes widened, eyes filled with tears.

There he saw his son, the little outcode that slithered their way into his life and affection, on the arms of his beloved, dead and empty,

Memories flashed as Top slowly made his way to his family. The tiny sans that laughed, smiled and cheered everyone around him, The tiny sans that was so tiny, Top's hat almost covered over half of their face, the tiny face that loved to tell stories and show paintings to their parents. His son, Ink, Dead and Empty in the Arms of his Husband.

It hit them, Ink is an outcode, he never belonged to a Universe, not in any AU, they can't just reset and reverse this like with aster or with any other sans, he truly and utterly gone.

The screams and cries of the Two Fathers, The Guardian of the Positivity, and the God of Destruction could be heard and felt throughout the entire Multiverse.

The Multiverse will never be the same.

But, at least Ink died happily with family, friends that cared for him, that stayed with him no matter his ways, his condition.

That will never forget him.

And to him it is enough.

The Multiverse Felt Empty.

[penroseparticle]

Penrose Song of the Day Day 41: Feel Good by Gibbz ft. Russ Liquid

I'm having trouble writing because I'm having trouble deciding what's worth saying. What is there to say that hasn't been said already. I'm but one monkey with a typewriter, cut me some slack.

I've been thinking about taste, and recommendations, and what the music we like says about us. I've been thinking about arrogance, and cruelty, and a little bit about No True Scotsman fallacies, too. I just. I don't know. What is "good" music and why are so many people fans of "bad" music.

I don't think bad music even exists, at least not really. I think music like any medium has so many competing and often contradictory delivery methods, goals, audiences, and interpretations that a categorical verdict like that is, frankly, Quixotic. I think about things like Throbbing Gristle and Clown Core, like Taylor Swift and Imagine Dragons, like Jungkook and 21 Savage and JVKE and Drake and AJR and all of the people who would say you're not listening to "real music" or "good music". There's a pity that's normalized with the superiority of your music tastes.

On the other hand, the more you learn and deeper you dive into anything, the more repetition you hear. The more you see things as hackneyed or trite. You've seen it before, heard it before, etc. You learn when someone was stolen from, when an artist is just rehashing something or taking from an entire genre/subculture that they weren't part of. Wider eyes see the ugly truths right?

I don't know. It's tough. I wonder if there's an answer that's satisfactory.

I saw Gibbz live, actually. Back in... 2017? I was seeing... I think A SIlent Film? With my good friend Katie. This was back when she would suggest we go see a band and I would just say yes. I think Gibbz opened. I don't remember. Shout Out Rock and Roll Hotel, I miss that venue.

Gibbz wasn't what I was expecting. A little smooth, a little mischievous. Like a wink between good friends. Electronic but soulful. A Silent Film was more classic, traditional rock. Gibbz was one guy at the front with a synth and a crooner's deathgrip on the microphone.

I went up and spoke to him after his set. It was a small venue, he was an opening artist, I just told him I loved his stuff and I really loved I Really Love You (which is still my favorite Gibbz song, for the record). He was kind. He said thanks, and how it was humbling to be playing live. It was a nice interaction.

I think, given the time and money to do so, I want to get back to doing this. Just going to shows blind, of artists I've never heard of, in genre's I've never imagined.

What does all this have to do with taste. I meander, I know. I'll bring it back.

I think I have pretty basic, milquetoast tastes. I like pretty average music. I have a passing interest in things with more obscurity- I like melodic forms of metal, I keep a finger on the pulse of industrial for Lauren. I'm finding myself drawn more to house, classical, and jazz. I like Math Rock.

But cards on the table, my favorite type of music with a bullet is Hot Pop Girlies Having Fun (tm). The Sabrina Carpenters. The Dua Lipas. My second favorite type of music is apparently Men Being Sad (the Hoziers of the world). I don't think that's ever going to change. And I'm trying to be more ok with that. I'm trying to stop letting audience or surveilance or observation change what I like and what I enjoy. I'm trying to unlearn shame.

I don't know. I just want to listen to something I love. You know?

I've stopped sharing music with a lot of people in my life (I'm aware of the irony of having that rumination on this kind of post, thanks). There's like 3 people I share music with IRL and I basically only listen to music with headphones these days. I want to make music one day but I'm struggling to see what the point is. I gotta remember the effusive joy that comes from creation, but I also need to remember, somehow, some way, that sharing music is good, actually.

Anyways, enjoy this song. I hope you feel how this song feels, at least to me. Chill, soulful, grateful to be alive, and above all, I hope that you feel good.

You could be dead right now. Go listen to something you love.

[delphiniumjoy]

Headcanons as Representation?

Happy Disability Pride Month everybody! Now I have a discussion question for the class. Where is the line between non-canon representation and accepted representation? I’m talking specifically in the context of autism because that’s my disability, and because hidden/speculated representation is less possible for visible disabilities. How do we define the canonicity of an autistic character? Do we consider ACD’s Sherlock Holmes to be autistic because he shows numerous traits and was created in a time before the word existed? Do we refuse BBC’s Sherlock because despite showing many of the same traits, he’s a negative stereotype to fulfill the creator’s intellectual power fantasy (the same creator who has specifically rejected people’s headcanons because his ableism means the label would ruin the fantasy)? Does representation need to be explicitly stated onscreen, or is a creator’s Twitter confirmation satisfactory? 

I want to look at a very specific (and at this point irrelevant) piece of media for this. The fandom has mostly died out, but I was an active member in the heyday from 2017-2019, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I still have a lot of opinions about Be More Chill. I’m referring specifically to the musical, because I simply never read the book by Ned Vizzini, and because many elements were changed between the two. The question is, can we officially consider protagonist Jeremy Heere to be autistic? In original drafts of the show, the word was mentioned but eventually written out, presumably for “sensitivity” purposes. There’s audio from a workshop performance that has floated around TikTok, and while autistic creators are using it in a reclaimed sense, it’s understandable why it might’ve been uncomfortable for some.  I’ll just type out the lyrics:

Every lame characteristic makes you come off as autistic. We’ll fix your vibe then fix some more… I am autistic… We’ll fix that.

This brings up another aspect to this conversation, though, and that’s how everything about the plot and Jeremy’s character arc aligns with ideas of unhealthy masking and even ABA therapy. Jeremy doesn’t fit in. He hates himself, and hates the idea that he’ll always be an outcast. He feels pathetic, which has been repeatedly reinforced by the society around him. So when he’s given a magical macguffin to make him more popular, he goes for it, despite knowing he’s doing so selfishly, and he faces the consequences. Those consequences, of course, are that the Squip is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive (it regularly shocks him) to get him to alter his personality and behavior. One could argue that it is also responsible for the sexual assault in the second half of the show, because while another character is making unwelcome advances, the Squip makes it impossible for Jeremy to escape. It isolates him from what little support system he has, shames him for every unsightly aspect of his personality (even those he was personally okay with), and promises him that it is all in the interest of improving his life. This aligns pretty clearly with the methods and goals of ABA: forced compliance until the child can consistently appear “normal.”

Unsurprisingly, many autistic teenagers (myself included) really saw themselves in this show. Fortunately, Jeremy learns his lesson, the Squip goes away, and he’s able to build a community with old and new friends because everyone is now more able to drop the facade of social expectations. It gave us hope that maybe we would stop feeling so out-of-place eventually. Also, many of the characters were somewhat flat caricatures, in the way that most teenage characters written by middle-aged men tend to be, so the doors were WIDE open for extrapolation through fan-made content. And even though the explicit mention of autism had been written out of the version we all knew, many fans were headcanoning Jeremy as autistic anyway. Even those of us who didn’t explicitly have the headcanon were writing him as if he was, because we related to him (even if we didn’t know we were autistic at the time either). By the time the show was revived off-Broadway and transferring to Broadway, there was an incredibly dedicated fanbase of neurodivergent teenagers, and the show knew that was their audience. I have not seen the original source, but Will Roland, the actor who came on to play Jeremy in this later production, has apparently said that he also views the character as autistic, and portrayed him as such. 

So returning to the question at hand: can we consider this canonical representation? Even if it’s not textually explicit, and even if the writers haven’t made any public statements, there were traces of intent in every era of the show. Despite all that, do we avoid doing so because the show actively frames autistic traits as shameful? Even though the intent is clearly to use the ordeal to come to a “just be yourself” conclusion, the resolution is quite rushed and sloppy, and could easily be misconstrued. 

Obviously intentional, healthy representation will always be preferred, but is there a place for these characters to be considered?

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genrephobic 5/4/2024

Hey Whores;

not much to say this week so lets get into it. Kinda hitting an enniu patch.

Evolve (2017) - Imagine Dragons

Genre: Pop Rock Length: 39:12 (11 Tracks)

This is the Evolve Album!?????

Imagine Dragons is one of those bands that gets a lot of hate. I assume mostly because there known for there feel-good pop rock singles and people just really hated listing to radiotactive on peoples roblox animatics or some shit.

This is the third album by the band and can I say that this was completely Passe. I literally can't remember a single song on this album besides the two singles I already new and I honestly don't even care to relisten to this for the reveal. I'm literally listening to Kim Petris Slut Pop because I needed a dose of innovation and because I'm a faggot shut up.

Awaken, My Love (2016) - Childish Gambino

Genre: R&B, Soul, Funk Length: 48:57 (11 Tracks)

Childish Gambino's Third Album I mostly know this because of the controversy over the cover art.

In terms of the album itself its more experimental then I was expected and it was intrusting. Don't really feel like expanding further because it is seasonal allegies season and I'm a being bukeked by pollen.

Artificial Intelligence (1992) - Various Artists

Genre: IDM Length: 52:23 (10 Tracks)

In 1992 Warp Records, released Artifiical Intelligence. a compilation of EDM that you 'weren't supposed to dance too'. This new genre original baring terms like Ambient Techno and Electronic Listening Music, soon came to be called IDM, or Intelligent Dance Music, after this album.

Its interesting to say the least hitting my teen years in the 2010s I was of course awashed in the realm of big house, dubstep, and trap house.

(this is the best gif I can find because when I type in EDM it asks me if I have an eating disorder)

What I'm trying to say is that I had heard of IDM but I had never spent much time trying to listen to it.

and Its good? Like its very ambient so you kinda forget your listening to it but it also has this nice kind of 90s trance energy. It feels very different from something like vaporwave which also has this meloncholic feeling. its kinda the daycore of vaporwave? like instead of being in some dead ruin of a digital world its like i'm in some beautfiul still alive digital world. hope that makes sense.

Anyway I'm going to go back to listen to 2010s edm and getting ready for the day.

Pretty (MT) (2024) - Artemes

Genre: Alt Pop

Length: 30:13 (13 Songs)

i'm sorry i'm like this (MT) (2022) - Artemas

Genre: Alt Pop Length: 26:12 (11 Tracks)

Hitting somewhere between Grimes and Phantograms, Artemes hit my radar with 'I like the way you kiss me' which is of course my new obsession.

and both of his albums are pretty good. Less gothic then I would like but I had fun.

[dustedmagazine]

Hello Emerson — To Keep Him Here (Anyway)

“If we lose dad, how will we make dinner?”

Hello Emerson To Keep Him Here stems from a real-life family crisis, viewing life and family and love through the hurt and worry and tedium of a life-threatening illness. The story, told in snippets of spoken word by songwriter Sam Bodary’s father himself, is fairly harrowing. During the summer of 2017, the father stopped on the highway one day to move a fallen branch, fell, cracked his head and woke up nine days later in the ICU. During the interim, no one knew whether he would survive and if so what amount of damage he would have sustained. To Keep Him Here, then, works as a memoir of a very difficult time, and also as a kind of talisman, as if music (and the love behind it) could reel Bodary’s father back from the verge of death and into the family again.

This is Bodary’s third album, like the others a cracked, wry variety of acoustic Americana, the songs spare and artfully written and bolstered by the simplest arrangements: guitar, drums, keyboards, some strings and Bodary’s warbling earnest voice. Through it all, Hello Emerson has earned a certain amount of acclaim — its last album How to Cook Everything was named local album of the year by Columbus (OH) Alive—but To Keep Him Here seems like a monumental step forward. Warmth, humor and a very midwestern self-effacement keep it from melodrama, despite the large subject matter.

The words are simple and workman-like but full of precise detail and intricate internal rhythms. “Sale Today,” for instance, reminisces about father-son outing to estate sales with rueful fondness. It’s bittersweet, though, because even this well-loved activity has mortality tucked into it. Croons Bodary, “You taught me to see the treasures passed down from retirement crowds to frugal types like you and me…you pay a bit under the asking but you make sure to stay in your lane/cause you could be next and I could be making the change.”  And should you think that the tune is all about the words, it’s not. “Sale Today Canon” distills it down to melody, in fluttering clarinet and swirls of strings, and it is just as moving when wordless.

“Couches” has some of the disc’s most impressive wordplay, the lyrics arranged in percussive patterns that pop in time with the music. The chorus is especially, knottily good, as Bodary chants, “the absence adjacent me misplaces complacency while hope sings like a little bird I caged up for company.” Say it out loud, and you’ll find that the phrases have their own music in them.

One of the most affecting features of this very rich and rewarding album comes in the intervals where Bodary’s dad speaks for himself in simple, honest terms about what has happened to him. Bodary adds little touches of incidental music to these cuts which underline the sense and feeling of them, but he mostly lets them speak for themselves. And what is very beautiful about them is that, despite nearly dying, Bodary’s father has no regrets. “I couldn’t see how I could keep living and not keep doing the things that I would do, right? And one of those things would be to stop and help people move a limb off the road.”

The story ends more or less happily. The elder Mr. Bodary makes a nearly 100% recovery (he still can’t smell, which is noted in the lyrics), and the family pulls together in a way that makes it stronger than ever. But as Bodary notes, it’s a temporary respite, a rehearsal, as he says, “for your hospice years.” And yet the very transitoriness of life is also the best argument for engaging in it wholeheartedly. Music, love, and family come together beautifully in To Keep Him Here and remind us to pay attention now and always.

Jennifer Kelly

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Round-up of new stand-up I’ve seen/heard in the last week:

Hari Kondabolu – Waiting for 2042 (2013), New Material Night Volume 1 (2013), Mainstream American Comic (2016), New Material Night Volume 2 (2012-2018)

This completed my Hari Kondabolu collection, which I should have done ages ago. I really liked him from The Bugle, so a while ago I watched the things by him that I could find for free (his Problem with Apu documentary, his 2017 Netflix special, his 2023 special that he put on YouTube). He also had all this other stuff on Bandcamp, which is great and I absolutely believe in buying things on Bandcamp if they’re available there because it’s the best way for the biggest proportion of your money to go to the artist. However, I’ve had lots of stuff in my Bandcamp cart this year and I’ve been spreading out my purchases, and hadn’t gotten to Hari Kondabolu. I’d love to say I finally decided to pay for his stuff there, but actually, my mother found an iTunes gift card in her basement and gave it to me because I’m the only person she knows who still uses iTunes to organize my music. So I bought it there, which is less good for the artist than Bandcamp and it supports Apple and everything, but it also benefits him way more than it would if I streamed it on Spotify, so it’s not that bad.

Anyway. This was overall really good, and made me think it should have come higher on the list. The is a weird thing for me to have started noticing, but I think Hari Kondabolu is one of the comedians who’s closest to making the type of jokes I’d like to make, in my own illustrious comedy career (a career that so far consists of four six-minute open spots, three of which have gone relatively well and one that was a disaster, and I’m booked for my fifth spot this Monday, so obviously I’m ready to compare myself to Hari Kondabolu). That’s a thing I’ve started noticing, as I’ve started trying to write stuff myself at the same time as listening to this stuff.

Weirdly, I think the only other person who’s made me think “this is the approach to comedy that I’d like to take” as much as Hari Kondabolu does is Pierre Novellie, and those two comedians are quite different from each other, so I’m not quite sure what makes me think that about both of them. They have no similarities in topic or even style, but there might be something in common in the mechanics of the jokes, if you take them apart to see how they were made. I love how well they all fit together. It’s fortunate that Hari Kondabolu’s topics are about what it’s like to be an Indian-American man living in New York City, so even if I want to do what he does, I couldn’t steal his actual jokes, even subconsciously. Pierre Novellie, meanwhile, talks about what it’s like to be a pedant with what was once called Asperger’s Syndrome who used to be really into reading fantasy novels, so… I’ll just have to use willpower to avoid repeating those ones.

Anyway. The point is that I love the way Hari Kondabolu writes. He’s not writing Edinburgh-style themed comedy hours or anything, but he’s still got a lot of structure for an American, I think. I love that he released the two new material albums; they feel genuinely, to use to term that I feel slightly cliché for using, raw. There’s one bit where he makes a joke about his girlfriend and then gets upset when he realizes she’s in the audience because he’d thought she’d be somewhere else that night, which of course gets bigger laughs than his actual jokes, and I might assume that was staged, except that it did significantly derail the conclusion to which he’d been methodically building for some time. You’d think if he'd planned it, he’d have planned it better than that. So I’m pretty sure he really was just recording a night no matter how chaotic it turned.

The first new material album is all from one night in 2013. A bit of that material ended up on his 2016 album – little enough so it doesn’t feel like you’re paying for the same stuff twice by buying both, but enough so it’s interesting to hear how it developed within a few years. His second new material album is his favourite jokes of all the stuff he recorded at this comedy club in Seattle where he worked stuff out between 2012 and 2018. Obviously that one’s less coherent, as it wasn’t all part of the same night. But there was some quite good jokes in there.

I love how carefully planned a lot of his jokes seem. Also, when listening to them in chronological order, you can see how he gets more confident in it. He tries for more ambitious structure, lets himself go longer in between punchlines for the sake of a bigger payoff. On his episode of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, which I think is one of the best I’ve heard, he talks about how he learned that you can do this from Stewart Lee, and got better at slowing down and planning out his sets after getting into Stewart Lee’s stuff. A statement that sounds trite if made in a British accent, as British comedians trying to imitate Stewart Lee are a dime a dozen. But Americans could maybe use a few more people trying to imitate Stewart Lee, and it works really well for Hari Kondabolu.

He does not actually sound like Stewart Lee in any way, I wouldn’t recognize the influence if I hadn’t heard him talk about it in an interview, but now that I have, I can see how he drew his jokes out more and more as the years went on. Also, the breadth of subjects of his references are almost Lee-esque, though Hari Kondabolu has a fair bit more pop culture in there alongside the more obscure stuff.

Anyway, I’ve gotten unnecessarily technical about this, so I think I should also mention that the shows made me laugh. Content-wise, it’s about what I’d expect from Hari Kondabolu. Mainly political stuff, about race in America and racism in America and gentrification in New York. The occasionally story about his life. A breadth of references from highbrow to lowbrow, humour often coming from the oddness of combining the two. Occasionally making the structure of a joke part of what’s funny, which I always enjoy.

More references than I’d have liked to Tumblr, not because I find them offensive or anything (they were all jokes about how he doesn’t want to get shamed on Tumblr for the way you could take something he’s said out of context and wildly misinterpret it to be politically incorrect, which is fair enough because Tumblr has absolutely been known to do that, though I’d say these days you’re less likely to see that sort of thing here than on Twitter or elsewhere), I just don’t like famous comedians knowing Tumblr exists. It’s okay though, because all his mentions of Tumblr are from pre-2015. Everyone knows Tumblr used to exist, they all just think it died in 2015, and I would like them all to continue to believe that. And by “them”, I mean all celebrities, and also everyone else besides the small number of fucking nerds who hang out here. Like I’ve said before, I don’t know how people do Twitter. Make posts about James Acaster or whatever while knowing James Acaster might actually see it (terrible example because he famously quit Twitter, but imagine I’d said anyone else instead).

Dan Rath – Cockroach Party (2022)

I listened to this one because this Taskmaster season has kicked my level of Sam Campbell fandom up a couple of notches, to the point where I’m willing to check someone out based on having read that they may be vaguely similar to Sam Campbell. I read that about this guy, also saw he was recommended by Daniel Kitson this year, and that was enough for me to find his special that’s on the ABC Comedy Podcasts thing (which people should check out if they’re interested in Australian comedy, there are a few good ones in there, my favourite by far being the Alice Fraser one).

I see where the comparison comes from. He’s a bit Campbell-esque in that he throws joke after joke at you in fairly quick succession, they seem unconnected and largely are but then there will be underlying connections and sometimes he’ll stay on a subject for a while, and despite this he’s not a one-liner comic. Not a long storyteller, not a Milton Jones-like one-liner guy, just a whole bunch of observations in a row, some grounded and some more surreal. Sam Campbell and Dan Rath both do that, though based on this one special, I’d say Dan Rath goes quite a bit darker. Seems less big on props and things, but bigger on jokes about death.

I’d also compare him to Sam Campbell in that it’s kind of a fun game to try to work out where he is at a given moment, in the space between reality and a character. A few times he went on a rant for a quite a while, and I assumed we’d left reality behind ages ago, but then he’d connect a few things and say something that sounded sincere and I’d think I could maybe see the little bit of his “real” personality on which he based this. It seems like keeping you guessing is part of the fun.

He had some really good jokes, and at times they change direction so fast that it’s hard to get complacent about expecting them, which means he can make me laugh on an impressive number of new instances in a fairly short time. I enjoyed it. I recommend it to anyone who likes… whatever that sort of thing is.

Greg Larsen – We All Have Bloody Thoughts (2023)

I went into this one thinking it would be similar to the above, as I had once seen someone mention that Greg Larsen is another Australian comedian who’s a bit like Sam Campbell and Dan Rath. And he made a couple of mentions in this show of how he has done stuff like that before, so maybe this one was a departure for him. Because it was different from what I expected – more storytelling-based stand-up, more of the conventional themed hour. But fortunately, I very much like a good storytelling-based themed stand-up hour, and this was a good one of those.

It was really well put together, I thought. A bunch of funny stories in a row, getting increasingly serious in their topic (but not in the way he told them) as they went along. I said recently that all the comedians are scrambling for a USP that hasn’t been used before, and I think he’s got one. I haven’t heard a hundred other comedians tell stories about their days as a goth metalhead teenager. I haven’t heard a hundred other comedians before tell stories about – I don’t want to spoil too much about a show that’s touring now, but he’s got a sexual orientation that you don’t hear about much.

And the topic that he picked to tie it all together was one I was surprised to realize I don’t think I’ve heard done much, as it’s such a common part of life. Maybe I have heard it done, but not from this perspective. I’ve heard comedians tell stories about how it sucks to work in customer service. Haven’t heard many tell those stories while pointing out something deeper behind them, how capitalism interacts with mental health and physical health and fucks everything up, how a shit low-paying job makes people quite justified if they want to engage in a bit of class warfare. He brought in all that stuff, adding layers to what could otherwise be really run-of-the-mill “working a service job sucks” stories, and the result is something with depth and everything, but it’s also really funny.

Then he builds on that, in ways I guess I won’t detail because I’m trying to have a vague policy of not getting to spoiler-y about still-touring shows, but it gets deeper and better as it goes along, it gets personal and also gets political and also ties the personal and political together, and I’ve said before that any show that does all three of those things and does them well will become a favourite of mine. I liked this one a lot.

Natalie Palamides – Nate: A One Man Show (2020)

Fucking hell. I went into this one with no expectations – I’d just heard she was a very good American comedian, so I thought I’d try it without looking her up. I… I should maybe have looked her up. It was very good, certainly. But I should maybe have gone in prepared for what I was going to get. I’d expected conventional stand-up, and then she rode in on a motorcycle in drag, so I thought, okay, it’s character comedy and there are props. That’s fine. I’ve gotten into Zoe Coombs Marr recently, I can enjoy a female comedian doing stand-up while dressed as a male caricature with a physical injury and a lot going on on stage.

It turned out to be quite a bit more intense than a Zoe Coombs Marr show. And quite a bit more theatrical. I looked it up afterward and learned that it’s won a bunch of awards for theatre and stuff, I think it’s a lot closer to physical theatre than to regular stand-up. Is this what people mean when they say “clowning”? I’m never sure what people mean, this might be some of it. It also got fairly x-rated, and pointing that out makes me feel about 100 years old, because obviously cool people who actually go see theatre like this are used to that and would barely notice. But I am not one of those people. I wasn’t offended by it or anything, I was just surprised and distracted by the novelty of it, because I am cultural philistine and/or 100-year-old who is not used to seeing people remove their clothing and wave around facsimiles of genitals on stage.

It also got intense in terms of tackling some stuff about the intricacies of sexual assault in a pretty full-on way, which I think was good as a bit of art, but did make me sort of wish I’d done enough research to read the trigger warning. That wouldn’t have made me avoid it, would just have made me expect it a bit.

Having said all of that, I think this was really good. The character was very funny, The acting was very funny. The themes were good. The points were made, probably, somewhere in all the waving around of things on stage. At one point she brought out a mat and wrestled on audience member, so that’s fun. The interactive elements looked like lots of fun. The costumes were good.

I definitely recommend this one to people who like whatever this is. Which I believe is feminist physical theatre/drag/interactive performance art. But also comedy. Comedy can be anything. Comedy can be melting ice cubes, or so I've heard. Comedy can definitely be wrestling an audience member while wearing fake chest hair and a moustache, if someone wants it to be.

[owl-deer]

So, since Twitter is dying a slow and painful death (or at least going through something chronic from which it will never recover), I decided to move my non-native English maybe-poetry here, because why not. Nobody reads it anyway and I learned long ago that if I worry whether people read me I'll never write, just hoard it in my brain like some word dragon.

So, let's go.

1.

(2017)

When December is over we'll start again from the very very beginning. The world is spinning, shaking and we dance.

Come here, hold my hand again - you know this waltz. Three steps for promises, that slip off my tongue like fishes, one swing for your little kiss that fills me with an ocean of hope. We're dancing, the world is spinning, shaking, crumbling under our feet.

We hear nothing but music and the rhythmic sound of our steps.

December is over, New Year's coming, and the snow, white and cleansing, falls, covering all the cracks and gently melts in your hands.

2.

(2017)

Silence is magic that fills the air with a thin web of unspoken words

The curse of struggling with the screaming world

The void between you, extending your hand, and me, small and trembling, not strong enough to hold it.

3.

(2018)

You have a dream

I listen while hiding between your heartbeats, how you toss on the sheets: your soft exhale mingles with roaring waves of your ocean.

You have a dream.

With the first sunlight reflected in your eyes, still half-blind and drowsy, it flows away leaving only a subtle shadow of something beautiful.

But sometimes you wake up, limp and fuzzy, and then you are dragged back into the depths where you tremble, you struggle to breathe. And the walls seem to slowly crumble, and the light from an open window seems to be painfully bright.

And it lasts for hours.

I always hear it.

Thousands of miles away I lay down as if to fit into your body and whisper soundlessly the lullaby of the full Moon casting her light upon your raging ocean, hushing the storm.

And you have a dream again.

4.

I have been carving our story On the walls On your fair skin On my shaky hands I wake up, slowly And the morning Is sweaty, salty So lonely And there is nothing else left To say

I know, it's been too long So I am sorry For still feeling That way

5.

you know this feeling of being busy making myself useful waiting so painfully waiting to that light tic-tac-toc and the low chime of a century-old clock the call for seven

seven hours without a word from you seven wasted chances to hold your hand seven kisses that failed to happen more than seven months ago

I'm waiting for that telltale sign to end my workday to send you a text to imagine your soft smile (the ghost of a dimple that I so desperately want to taste is always present) 'hey there' I'm typing 'it's been a while'

and seven hours and thousands of kilometers turn into seven soft kisses captured in seven words

6.

it's nothing new I'm walking down the avenue of love I'm watching the landscapes of my everchanging feelings like an erratic line of a heartbeat in the ER

No nurse will come as it peaks and a high-pitched sound screams in my ears as my breath hitches and, with hands, trembling with fear, I hand out all this bloody mess of my feelings to you, my lovely to you, my dawn and my dusk

to you, the one I think of when the coastal city sheds the warmth of the sun and dresses up in blurry lights of the night

7.

Missing you is like breathing under the water The lump in my throat The heaviness in my chest — all of it has your name all of it is filling my empty body Until the glass breaks Until the water is rushing forward, crushing my ribcage, overflowing my eyes, my voice.

My words are sobbing for you. But I am silent, silenced, muted, like a boring, forgotten movie. But I am blank, grey, buried under the water.

I have so much to say, but words fail to form, fail to become a sound,

a call, reaching out to you.

8.

it's not love I'm not allowed to name this thing you and me share

we share thoughts lightest of touches giggles late night confessions

we share worries scars scratches torn paper clawed truth

I stand there, naked born anew I open my soul, shredding skin and bones away I open gates to my core and wait

And, like a miracle you go through

9.

Imagine poetry as a word unwritten incomprehensible repeated by thousands of lips over and over

The feeling composed into a thought composed into a poem hovers in my clouded mind

Imagine poetry as an unkind God he unforgivingly strips me from layers of armored past reveals the truth

Imagine poetry as you silent, standing In the eye of the storm, trembling, but strong -

so beautiful

My eyes close and there is nothing but cool air of your content sigh

Imagine poetry as love

10.

It always comes back.

At first - Slow, Like a ripple On the surface Of the quiet lake At dawn. It's gentle, Peaceful And, oh, so beautiful.

But you know better. You saw typhoons Started by those. You faced Tsunamis.

You know better and yet: Mesmerized, you take a stone, Flat and polished from the days You were drowning in salty water. You throw it, curious, (As if it's going to be different As if you'd find something new) And water Is rippling And rippling And rippling back

With a wave, caressing your toes.

With a wave, hitting you in the stomach Flowing into your eyes

You can't breathe Your lungs, filled with questions, Struggle to find air. Your legs, heavy with failures, Wobble, Buckle, Break.

The waves (Raging, Heartless, And, oh, so beautiful) Throw you into the coast Into the sandy soil, Leave you, like a jellyfish, To melt under the sun.

The soft whisper Of the ocean Takes you back To the days You hated its calmness Wishing It promised The storm.

Gonna post the rest tomorrow since there's a lot left and I don't want to make a monster post.

[charlotteswriting]

Alright, thank you! Since requests are open, I'll just jump right into it 😁 Could I please get some headcanons with the THH girls dating a fem! reader who is the Ultimate Musical Theatre Actress? 💕- newly minted 🎶 anon

I should be joining my online classes but I can’t because of some error;; so I decided to write my requests instead! Hope you enjoy, 🎶 anon -Mod Kaede

THH Girls with a Musical Actress

Celestia Ludenberg

When you first told her your talent, she was really interested about it

Acting like someone you aren’t... She wanted to talk about it more

Especially if you’ve acted Drama Queen, you’re hers

Like she wanted to meet up so you could tell her more

She. Loves your talent.

Whenever she is bored, she watches your DVDs and it fixes her day

Your voice is like therapy to her and your acting is just a bonus!

She’s your biggest fan, never misses a rehearsal

Sometimes she helps you with acting too, you know how well she can stay in character

The part she most enjoys is the dancing part, she relieves her stress when dancing with you and you enjoy it too since it’s with her and you can hear her laugh

Also you better don’t lie because she sees through your act-

Kyoko Kirigiri

“So that’s your talent... Fine, I guess,”

Don’t let her uninterested behavior fool you

She may seem like she doesn’t care at first but she’ll start to show interest in time

You notice how her behavior changes

Whenever she goes missing, she listens to your performances, which makes her feel more relieved and it clears her head

She likes to hear people’s thoughts about it and it makes her really proud about you, she also wants to compliment your talent but she is shy,,

Also she makes research so she knows it better than anyone, in an argument she’ll say stuff like “No, it wasn’t published in 2018, it was December of 2017” And now you know she wasn’t really *uninterested*

If you’re doubting your talent she’ll tell you sweet things about you and encourage you, but won’t do it if you don’t need them because Kyoko is the CEO of hiding emotions

Likes to attend your rehearsals and has a proud cocky smile the whole time

Makoto is like, “This your girl?”

“Yeah, she is,” sjrzjrjfdjcmrmgjcmxje

Sayaka Maizono

When you first told her that she screamed of happiness

Power couple, power couple!!!

Really, you two are known as power couple and nobody is denying that

No need to deny!! It’s clear as day

Omg where do I even start

Both of you enjoy each other’s company a lot and it’s not only about talent

You got a life partner

She helps you with anything!! She’s so experienced with singing (duh) and willing to help you with your acting if she can

Though she burst into laughs when acting but she tries to stay in character, she can be serious as well

She never misses your rehearsals and shows, example of a good girlfriend (although there are days she has to miss, but she tries to make it in time!)

Also she’s the first one to start clapping and you can always hear her cheering for you from the crowd

Just like Kyoko she researched about you and your works and she wants your signature

She memorizes your roles and watching them when she’s bored is a thing now

Whenever she’s getting praises by anyone she points at you and says you’re the reason she’s this good

Definitely not showing you off

Asahina Aoi

When you first told her your talent she was so hyped about it!

Show her some of your performances, she absolutely loves it

Her first thoughts were you are pretty great and your voice is just a gift for your talent

She loves to watch your performances after training and it inspires her?? She gets motivated after it

She doesn’t know much about it but thinks you are really hardworking and passionate for not giving up on your dreams

Forgets her lines a lot and can’t stay in character for too long because she gets distracted or burst into laughs when helping you, but she is trying

Sometimes she might miss your rehearsals because she also has a career, but she makes in time most of the time

“Sorry, I was late, I got distracted by the donut shop nearby. Do you want some of them, Y/n?”

She is the type that will brag about you. Good luck listening to her, Sakura

There’s a chance she might forget she watched this performance so she just rewatches again

Sakura Ogami

As soon as she saw you she knew you were the one

She likes how passionate you are and amazed that you can still keep up with her although you are busy most of the time

She tells you it’s not needed but you don’t leave her alone anyway, and she is grateful

Sometimes you overwork yourself and she looks out after you and never misses a rehearsal to make sure you are safe and sound

Sometimes people think she’s your guard and not your girlfriend- you waste no time to tell them she is your girlfriend

But she is okay with being your guard, too, she is up to protect her girlfriend

I hc you try to get her sing along but she thinks her voice is too deep so she sadly doesn’t, but if you insist on it too much she might give it a shot

Compliment her about it and she’ll get embarrassed and happy and will thank you 🥺

She prefers to listen to your voice instead, it’s really pretty and calms her down

She’s really patient with you and if you are ever doubting yourself, will say the nicest things about you

Toko Fukawa

When you first told her abt it her inferiority complex said hello

And thought you were gonna making fun of her

“What?! W-what do you want with me if y-you’re this famous and a-amazing?!”

Good looks, a pretty voice and acting skills,, why are you EVEN involved with her in the first place?

Seriously, she first thought you only stayed with her because you pitied her.

Please reassure her it’s not true and you’re with her because she means so much to you

She degrades herself anytime you sing, thinking you’re gonna dump her for someone that is more talented. Sometimes thinks your love is just acting, too,, though she knows she wouldn’t feel this loved if it was fake

She’s probably jealous of your fans and doesn’t want them so near around you—she’s afraid you’ll think they’re better than her!

Sometimes she hisses at fans and when you are alone she’ll yell at you for letting them this near you. She doesn’t want you to feel tripped but she’s just jealous—you’re just so good for her.

You usually shut her up with a kiss and tell her she is the only one for you

Mukuro Ikusaba

If you’ve watched the *scene* I’m talking about, you probably know Mukuro has a pretty voice

After finding out you’re a musical theatre actress, she was impressed!

Sometimes she sings along just to have some fun, but usually insecure about her voice

She memorizes all of your performances and sings them when you’re not around!

Due to her talent, she’s often busy so she sometimes misses your rehearsals, so she just watches the DVDs!

She’s like your guard, always looking out for you and making sure you’re safe and sound

She is quite jealous of you, you might need to reassure her that you love her the way she is and encourage her to sing with you!

She’s 100% the type that will send death glares to your fans

She steals your phone and blocks them from your social media accs if they’re going too far with complimenting you

So you just open your blocked users list and unblock them because it’s very rude. The whole time she’ll sit there blushed and won’t say a word but “sorry”

This is finally done! Also I’m not sure if you wanted me to write for Junko, so i didn’t. I hope that’s okay! I only write for her if she gets therapy and becomes healthy ajrmfksjcrnjd anyway, hope u enjoy this!!! -Mod Kaede

[watermelonlovershigh]

Bisexual Harry (MILD SMUT w/ MOSTLY FLUFF)

ATTENTION- THIS IS STRICKLY FICTIONAL (NOT REAL). I'M FULLY AWARE THAT HARRY HAS NOT CAME OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS TO BE UNLABLED. I ENJOY BI HARRY FANFICS BUT THERE ARE NOT MANY OUT THERE SO I DECIDED TO WRITE ONE. ALSO THE TRAITS I WILL BE CONCIDERING AS BISEXUAL TRAITS ARE FULLY DEPENDENT ON THE INDIVIDUAL. I HATE STEREOTYPING. JUST KEEP IN MIND THAT JUST BECAUSE HARRY DOES THESE THINGS IN THIS STORY THAT IT DOESN'T MAKE SOMEONE BISEXUAL OR EVEN GAY. LASTLY I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT I'M NOT BISEXUAL MYSELF BUT THE IDEA OF BEING WITH A MAN WHO IS, IS A TURN ON. NOT IN A FETISH TYPE WAY. JUST THE VULNERABILITY AND OPENNESS OF ENJOYING EITHER WOMEN OR MEN IS INCREADIBE TO ME. THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

Harry told me early on into our relationship that he was bisexual. He was so nervous that I would leave him, but it just made me fall more in love with him. He told me late one night about 6 months into dating, on his couch. The second he told me, Harry broke down into real raw tears. The first time I'd seen Harry actually cry. Yeah I'd seen him cry during sappy movies but this was so much more than that. These tears had fear in them. Fear that I would leave him. They had vulnerability in them for being so open. But also a weight was lifted off his chest, just happy to tell me. I held Harry in my arms and cried with him, telling him how much I loved him and that this doesn't change anything. That I loved him just as much.

Only a few people in Harrys life knew he was bisexual. His close family. His close friends. That was it. If it got out in the media, the internet would have gone wild. Of course there were many rumors about his sexuality. Most of them being that he's gay. For the longest time he actually thought he might be gay. He had a lot of 'gay tendencies': painted nails, feminine clothes, pearl necklaces. But he also had very 'mainly tendencies' like watching football and drinking beer with the lads. Harry was just so conflicted all his life. Not knowing what he was. That's until the age of 18. One of his school friends came out as bisexual and that's when it clicked for him. He liked both male and females and he was okay with that. He excepted that part of him. He was more worried about what others would say or think. His family was very supportive. His friends were too. They never treated Harry differently knowing that they were straight and he was sexually attracted to them. Well not so much them specifically because they were more like brothers, but the male species as a whole.

Being in sexual relationships were on a new level of fear for Harry. Fear that when he was having sex with a guy, that the guy would try and convince him he's actually just gay. Or the fear that any women he had sex with would say he wasn't manly enough for them. Needless to say, Harry kept his sexuality a secret from most of his one night stands or short term relationships. He just didn't feel the need to tell them unless they asked specifically if he was bi or not.

Me and Harry meet at a local club in London a few years back. He was with his bandmates at the time. I was by myself because my boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. I was devastated and needed to escape reality. That meant drink until my body went numb. Unfortunately for me though, I wasn't that much of a drinker so my body rejected the alcohol pretty fast. I stumbled onto the London streets trying to get fresh air but ended up puking my guts out in a near by bin. Harry just so happened to be outside at that moment and saw the whole thing before his eyes. He rushed over to me and pulled my hair back to prevent more vomit from getting in it. Then he asked if I was alright and who I was with. I told him I came there alone so he insisted I come back to his place. Because my brain was fuzzy from the alcohol, I didn't hesitate one bit. Harry set up his guest room for me and helped me to bed that night. Something I'm forever grateful for. If it wasn't for him, I could've been kidnapped and raped by a stranger on the streets. When I woke up the next day, I realized who's house I was in. All of the music awards on the shelf in the room I stayed in gave it away. I was never a big fan of One Direction, no reason in particular, so I didn't act like a fangirl would have. Before I left his house, he gave me his number to call if I ever needed someone to talk to. Considering he was an international popstar and all, he sure was the most genuine person I'd ever meet. Taking care of a complete stranger and even giving them his phone number. I never thought I'd actually call him though. Or even see him again, but about a week later, I ran into him at a local coffee shop and we started talking form there. The rest was history.

We hung out all the time. He invited me to a few One Direction concerts. Even had sex a few times. Amazing sex I might add. It truly was great. Even though at the time, I had to remain secret from the public. More so said by Harry then his management. Mainly to keep me safe and out of the media knowing how private I liked to be. Three months of seeing each other and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was thrilled. Then six months into our relationship, Harry realized how serious our relationship was becoming. That we both had strong feeling for each other. So that's when Harry decided to tell me he was bisexual. On his couch. Late one night. He wanted to get it out of the way so he didn't have to hide that part of himself with me. So he could be himself around me. If I excepted him that was and of course I did.

Approximately two years after dating, Harry purposed. He was basically shitting bricks the whole time, but he did it. I didn't hesitate one second before I said yes. We were in love. At this point, the media had found me and Harry out. Most of his fans adored me. Some said our relationship was fake. And others just flat out said I was keeping Harry closeted, not allowing him to be gay. But I knew the truth. I knew he was bisexual, not gay. I never doubted his sexuality one bit. Especially how he devoured my body when we made love. Any gay person would probably gag at the sight of a women's pussy. Not Harry. It was his favorite part of my body. A year after Harry filmed the movie Dunkirk (2017), we got married. It was a small wedding. Just close family and friends invited. It was perfect.

Now here we are in the current year of 2021 and we're still going strong. A few fights here and there, but because both Harry and I have too big of hearts, we always feel bad after fighting and immediately apologize to one another. The media had tried to split us up multiple times but it's never been successful. Our love for each other is too strong and everlasting.

Just because Harry is in a happy, loving heterosexual relationship, doesn't mean he feels completely secure about his sexuality all the time. In the beginning of our relationship, Harry tried to completely throw away any 'bisexual' tendencies he had even though he knew I supported him. For instance, there was many times Harry wanted to paint his nails but didn't. Or would refrain from gushing over sexy guys in movies we watched together. That's when I noticed he was becoming depressed. He stopped writing music. He would disengage in activities we tried to do together. Even pushed me away when I tried to have sex with him. I felt hopeless. Until one morning I asked him what was wrong, and he spilled everything. How he tries so hard to suppress the bisexual side of his character for me. For our relationship. Harry explained that he had the desire to paint his nails vibrant colors and wanted to wear feminine clothes sometimes. Something that was particularly hard for Harry to confess to me was how he even wanted to try anal. On me or me with a strap on fucking him. Right away I made us an appointment to get our nails done at a salon. Then I told him he could wear a trash bag and he'd still be the most beautiful mainly man I'd ever seen. Lastly, I grabbed my laptop and went online shopping for female strap ons, letting Harry pick the girth and size he wanted. Yes I was a little nervous to actually fuck him, but he assured me he would help me out every step of the way. As for anal on me, I mentioned how I would be nervous but how I also trusted him. Trusted him enough to penetrate me anally. That I knew he would be extra careful with me.

Needless to say, I made Harry more confident. Confident in his sexuality. I got him to come out as bisexual to the public. I let him explore his bisexuality in the bedroom. Though of course he still worshiped my pussy. We had weekly appointments to get our nails painted. Harry even wore a dress out to a date night one night. He was super scared and on edge the whole night but I kept whispering in his ear how I couldn't wait to rip that dress off of him and fuck him in the ass until he cried out of pleasure.

I honestly loved that Harry was bisexual. It was almost like a turn on for me. He was both a gym buff and my little princess. He had thick arm muscles and toned abs, as well as pink nails and pearl necklaces. Anytime he mentioned how hot a guy on tv was, we could gush over him together. Or how sensitive and vulnerable he was at times. A lot of guys hold in their emotions, thinking men can't express their feelings, but not Harry. If he felt the need to cry, he would. Right in front of me. It could be triggered by a sad movie or a animal abuse commercial. Also, on the rare occasions he asks for it, I would fuck him with the strap on in his mouth. Though a rubber penis didn't quite taste like the real thing, salty mixed with sweat, he loved to deepthroat it anyways. Watching him choke and gag around the fake penis made my pussy drip. We even bought a strap on dildo that had a vibrator on the back side of it. That way every time the fake cock would enter his mouth, the vibrator would stimulate me clit, giving me pleasure as well.

No matter how much the media tried to convince Harry he was in fact gay and didn't actually like women, he would ignore the rude comments and prove to me everyday that he in fact loved me. Me as a women. Loved my smile. Loved me eyes. Loved the way my boobs bounced while having sex. Often grabbing them in his hands and stimulating my nipples. Loved the way my tight pussy felt around his dick. Or the way my sweet juices tasted on his tongue when he ate me out. Yes he loved dick. Yes he loved balls. Yes he loved being railed to death from behind. But he also liked vagina and he loved boobs. Harry wanted to make love to me and get me pregnant. Watch my stomach grow. Be there to hold my hand when I deliver the baby. Help change diapers at 3 am when I'm to tired to do so. Teach our kids to love and respect everyone and be themselves. Be open to our kids about his sexuality. Give them knowledge on bisexuality and educate them on the matter. Instead of assuming they are straight by asking his future son if he has a girlfriend yet or asking his daughter if she has a boyfriend, Harry will ask if the have a partner or fancy anyone in particular. Love his children for who they are or who they want to become. Be a role model for them. And live happily ever after with me, his supportive wife, by his side.

MASTERLIST

[feralthoughtdump]

Only Angel

Part Two of Kiss With A Fist

On the way to Madripoor, Bucky and his acquaintance talk about names. 

Word Count: 5.5K

CW: violence, talk of killing people, TFATWS ep. 3 spoilers, stitching wounds, smut, unprotected sex, sub!bucky, technically a reader x bucky but he gives her a new name.

“So, we’re headed to Madripoor?” She questions, adjusting the straps of her harness.

Bucky adverts his eyes as she unbuttons her jeans, not answering her question, but she doesn’t seem to notice. They were standing in the back of the jet, a curtain obscuring the two of them from Sam and Zemo. 

“Help me really quick. I have a holster in my bag.” 

He reaches into her light blue duffle back, rifling through the articles of clothing and various weapons until his finger wraps around the leather.

“Thanks, you’re a godsend.” She chuckles. “Tell me about this mission of ours. I need to know what I should wear.” 

“We’re going undercover. Zemo is just… Zemo, Sam’s going as some big shot, and I’m… well-“

“The Winter Soldier?” 

He silently nods. 

“You scared?” 

She buckles the holster around her thigh, tightening it so it slightly squeezes at the flesh.

“Not sure.” He grumbles. “I’m worried, you know, I might end up..” his words trail off.

“Relapsing?”

“You can say that.”

She pulls her jeans down past her ankle and places them into her bag.

He clears his throat and looks away, unsure if she’s okay with him looking.

“Oh, don’t be shy, Buck.” She hymns, reaching into her bag. “What do you think? Shorts or a dress?” 

He looks back up, eyeing the black slip dress in one hand, and the leather shorts in the other. 

“Shorts I guess. Easy mobility.” 

“Smart.” 

As she’s pulling the shorts up past her waist, Bucky stares out the plane window. 

“Do you still go by Angel of Death?” He asks.

She looks up at him. 

“I never chose to go by that name, you know? The public did.” Her hands dig into the bag, pulling out a gun and a few knives. “Angels of death are serial killers in caregiver positions and I have nobody under my care. But they gave me that name because they saw me as some vigilante, someone who took down bad people.”

“Do you like the name?”

“I don’t really care. It’s factually incorrect but names don’t matter when you have to kill the person standing in the way of a paycheck.” 

“Is that how you see them? Just another person you have to kill so you can go buy a fancy handbag?” He scoffs. 

“You have no idea who those people are do you? Those people are corrupt. Evil. People who have no regard for the lives of innocent people.”

“And you think you’re any better?”

His tone is less accusing, rather it’s more curious. 

“Maybe not, but at the end of the day, it’s my job. And if my job means I’m killing morally corrupt people, then I really don’t care. And if I’m as bad as them, then maybe you had a right to kill me ten years ago.” 

Bucky shifts on his feet. 

“You know my mission wasn’t to kill you.” He confesses. 

“Then why did you stab me?” 

“I think for the first time, I felt scared. I was confused and I panicked.” 

“Fair enough.” She takes out a dark red trench coat. One made of soft crushed velvet. Bucky runs his flesh hand over it, taking in the feeling of the soft fabric. 

“I was supposed to take you away, hand you over to HYDRA. I think they wanted you to work for them.” 

She snorts, humored by his words. 

“So they wanted me to be a weapon, huh. Fry my brain until all my free will is gone and come up with a few words in Russian to make sure I’ll do their bidding.” 

“Most likely.” He crosses his arms. “You’re good at your job. You’ve wracked up kills in the hundreds, and I thought I was the one with the high body count.”

“Do you know why I’m good at my job?” She laughs, pulling her hair into a tight bun and securing it with a gold hairpin. “Do you know why I’m one of the best female assassins in Europe?”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders. 

“Every time I’m assigned a job, I’m walking into a life or death situation. I need to be prepared for any type of outcome so I won’t get caught off guard.” She pulls a black, satin, dress shirt over her shoulders. “But do you know the real reason as to why I’m the best?” 

Bucky parts his lips. 

“Tell me.”

“It’s because I never let my feelings get in the way.”

“But you have to feel at least something.” 

“No. I don’t think I really feel anything.” She tucks the hem into the shorts. “I haven’t felt anything in a very long time.”

He doesn’t know what to say. As he observes her concealing weapons within her outfit, he thinks about the past few decades of his life. One mission after another. He thinks about the bloodshed. He thinks about Yori and his son. Did he feel anything when he put a bullet in that boy? Not at the time. But now? All he feels is guilt. Shame. But here she stands in front of him, dressed to the nines, hidden weapons strapped to her body. I haven’t felt anything in a really long time.  No guilt, no shame, no emotions. The silence hangs over them like a thick, heavy fog.

His mind wanders to their first interaction. Though he can’t remember much, he often revisits it in his dreams.

Don’t you want to know my name?

The question she asked him before he plunged the knife into her abdomen. 

“Ten years ago, you asked if I wanted to know your name.” 

“I did.” 

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“No. I would’ve just given you a fake one.”

She sits down on the leather seat and stuffs her feet into a pair of heeled boots. Bucky takes a seat next to her.

“What name would you have given me?”

“I was reading Anna Karenina at the time so probably Kitty.” 

“Do you have a name?” 

“I have many names.”

“No, a real name.”

She zips up her left boot.

“I do. Well, I did.” She sighs, moving her fingers to zip up the right. “I don’t remember it anymore.” 

Bucky frowns.

“Do you want to remember?” 

Her head falls onto his shoulders and she nuzzles her nose into his neck. 

“Not really. Sometimes I think it’s better that I’m nameless.” 

Bucky doesn’t want to say he pities her, but he does. Maybe it isn’t pitying, rather sympathizing. 

“Can I give you a new one?”

She smiles, relishing in the feeling of his stubble against her skin. 

“Sure.”

“I’d like to call you Angel.” 

A hum of content passes her lips and she presses a soft kiss on his skin. 

“I’d like that too.” She whispers. “I’ll be your angel.”

They sit together for a good five minutes, syncing their breathing together, enjoying each other’s company.

“We should go back to your friends.” She mutters, grabbing the coat. 

“We probably should.”

Sam gives the two of them as they walk past the curtain. Bucky sits across from him and he watches with a slightly annoyed eye as she takes the seat across from Zemo. 

“How do you two know each other?” Sam queries.

“Oh. Bucky stabbed me ten years ago.” She bluntly states.

A humored smile crosses her face as Sam’s eyes widen and darts between the two. 

“He stabbed you?”

“Hey, I wasn’t really myself back then.” Bucky quickly defends himself. “Plus, she tried to kill me a few hours ago.” 

“In her defense,” Zemo interjects “being stabbed isn’t something you can just forgive and forget.” 

“Oh, and you know everything about forgiving and forgetting.” Sam shoots back. 

Sensing oncoming tension, she quickly changes the subject. 

“Bucky told me you three needed a tour guide. Someone who knows the place well.” 

“I’d consider myself-“

“Oh Baron,” she laughs “after everything you did in 2017, I doubt it’s easy for them to trust you.”

Zemo’s eyes widened. 

“You know who I am?”

“Of course I do. I’ve been to Sokovia before.” 

Sam furrowed his brows.

“What led you to Sokovia?”

“Business meetings.” 

“Jesus, Bucky, who is this girl?” 

“Oh, yeah, I never actually introduced myself. I’m Angel.” Bucky smiles at the use of her name, affection blooming in his chest. “I work for a small company based in Europe. We mostly sell cosmetics.”

Bucky’s impressed by her ability to spit out a convincing story with no hesitation. 

Sam doesn’t seem to buy it, but he lets it go. 

“Anyways, what role do you three want me to play?”

“Well,” Zemo shifts in his seat, “I was thinking you could be my date-“

“No. No” Bucky grouses, a deep frown cutting across his face. “Absolutely not.”

“Relax, James. I won’t try anything with her. I know you two are… close.” 

Bucky scrambles out of his seat to wrap a hand around Zemo’s neck but he steps away at the feeling of Angel’s gentle hand on his bicep. 

“Calm down, Bucky. Everything’s going to be fine.” She looks at Zemo with an amused grin. “Alright. I’ll play the part, but I have a few rules.” She points her thumb up. “One, no kissing.” Then her pointer. “No silly pet names. I don’t want to hear you calling me baby or kitten. It’s patronizing.” Finally her middle. “And three, I don’t drink. My tolerance is low.”

Zemo and Sam nod in agreement and eventually so does Bucky, but the anger in his eyes refuses to fade away. 

It’s nighttime when they arrive, but the bright, neon lights illuminate the city. 

Loud music seeps out from the clubs and the air smells of smoke and booze. They’re surrounded by crime, and Angel smiles at the familiarity. She can spot a few familiar faces, but she never bothers to say hi. It’s best she stays faceless, unknown, invisible. 

Zemo wraps an arm around her waist and Bucky side eyes him. She can read his annoyance. His jealousy. Yet, his cold, emotionless expression doesn't change. He’s fallen into character and he’s doing a damn good job of it. 

Whispers of ‘is that the Winter Soldier?’ pour around them as they enter the bar, but they all do their best to pay no attention. 

“Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.” The bartender nods towards Sam. 

“His plans changed. We have business to do with Selby.” Zemo interjects. 

Selby. 

Angel remembers that name. She’s heard it in whispers on the streets. 

Angel takes a seat on Zemo’s lap, leaning her head against the fur on his coat. 

“Who’s the girl?”

“Close friend of mine,” Zemo smirks.

“I’m Moria.” She extends a hand and the bartender politely shakes it. 

Bucky glances down at his fingers. Of course, her name here would be fake. 

“The usual?” The bartender asks.

Sam and Zemo reply with a nod. 

The four of them watch as he pulls a snake out of a jar, cutting its organs out and placing them in a shot glass. He moves on to pour out a shot of vodka for Zemo.

She grins and runs a hand from the fur collar of his coat to his chest. A soft, flirtatious giggle slips past her lips. Oh, Bucky wanted to take Zemo’s shot glass and throw it at the wall but he can’t. Not when the stakes are so high. 

She suppresses a giggle as she watches Sam struggle to down the shot. 

“Got word from on high,” A man approaches Zemo. “You ain’t welcome here.”

“I have no business with the Power Broker. But if he insists, he can either talk to me…” 

He gestures towards Bucky.

Angel surveys the bar, observing the patrons around them. Most of them are staring at the four, suspicious eyes being thrown their way. 

Her concentration is broken when Zemo speaks.

“Winter Soldier” He orders in Russian.

She remembers Bucky’s words on the plane. He’s afraid of relapsing. 

“Attack.”

Compassion, something she hasn’t felt for a long time, floods her body and before he can strike, she finds herself twisting the man’s fingers. Another approaches them and Bucky takes the lead, kicking the man to the ground. Men charge towards them and she fights along with him. He’s throwing kicks, punches, a sight that Angel is all too familiar with. Bucky takes hold of a man thrown his way, slamming him down onto the table, metal arm wrapped around his neck.

They freeze at the sound of weapons around them. Her eyes dart around the room, seeing the guns trained on them. Slowly, she reaches under her shirt, feeling the knives she has strapped to her body. 

Sam places a hand on Bucky’s arm and Zemo quickly stops him. 

“Stay in character or the entire bar turns on us.” 

They all stand as the bartender turns to them. 

“Selby will see you now.” 

She looks at Bucky, then Sam, then Zemo who opens his arms, beckoning her towards him. She lets him place a hand on her hip as the four of them walk away.

“You should know Baron,” Selby’s voice rings through her ears. “People don’t just come into my bar and make demands.”

“Not a demand, an offer.” Zemo replies. 

“Well, a lot has changed since you were last here. By the way, I thought you were rotting away in a German prison. How did you escape?”

“People like us always find a way, don’t we?” He chuckles.  Zemo releases his hand on her. 

“You’re taller than I heard, Smiling Tiger.” She purrs at Sam, who glances away. “What’s the offer? The girl?”

“No. Something better.”

He walks over to Bucky. 

“Tell me what you know about the super-soldier serum and I’ll hand him over.” Fingers trace over his face, from his cheekbones down to his chin. “Along with the code words to control him. He will do whatever you want.”

A Cheshire cat smile cuts across Selby’s face. 

“Now that’s the Zemo I know.” She settles into her couch. “Yeah, you were right to come to me. Arrogant but right. The serum is here in Madripoor. Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you want to thank… or condemn.” She shrugs. “Whatever side you’re on.” 

“Is Nagel still in Madripoor?” Zemo inquires. 

Selby stands. 

“The breadcrumbs, you can have for free, but the bakery’s going to cost you.” She sighs. “Your arm candy, Baron, she’s extraordinary. There’s no way a little bird” Selby points her finger up and down at Angel “can fight like that without years of training. Come here, darling.” She beckons her over. Angel turns to Zemo, and then to Bucky, a worried expression on her face. Zemo falters for a second and releases his hand on her shoulder. 

“Go ahead, darling.”

She stands and walks over the Selby, who looks her over with an inquisitive eye. Selby runs a manicured finger along the collar of Angel’s coat. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Selby decides. “You hand both of them over to me, and I’ll tell you everything about Nagel.” She grins, pulling back the strap of Angel’s thigh holster and snapping it back onto her skin. 

“Don’t touch me.” She snarls.

Selby cocks her head, an amused smirk on her face. 

“I have to say, she’s quite the fiery one. I’d like to call her my little firebird. Have her sing for me.”

“A firebird and the Winter Soldier.” Zemo seethes. “Clever.”

Their attention turns to Sam when his phone rings.

Selby saunters over to him. 

“Answer it.” She demands. “On speaker.”

Angel bites the inside of her cheek, waiting with bated breath as Sam speaks to Sarah. He rambles on about money laundering and having a banker killed until Sarah calls him Sam. 

Her blood runs cold. 

“Sam?” Selby questions, voice laced with accusation. “Who’s Sam? Kill them!” 

Without hesitation, Angel pulls the gun out of her holster and unloads a bullet in the woman. 

“We need to get out of here.” She yells, stuffing her gun back in place.

One of Selby’s bodyguards cocks his gun and Angel sends a throwing knife into his head, Bucky takes down the other, knocking him out with his fist. 

“Jesus Christ, Angel!” Sam yells. 

“We don’t have time to unpack that.” she pants, ripping the knife out of the bodyguard’s head. “The second people get word that she’s dead, we’ll have a million-dollar price tag on our heads.” She shoves the knife into a pocket on her holster and bolts to the door.

The four sprint out of the exit and onto the streets, laying low, trying not to get noticed. They walk at a brisk pace, shoulder forward, eyes straight. 

The sound of rapid gunfire sends them scrambling. 

“I can’t run in these heels!” Sam yells.

“Oh, tell me about it!” She replies. The shock from her boots meeting the pavement sends pain up her calves.  “I’ve been running in heels for years and it still sucks.”

“That’s not humanly possible. How do you do that?” He pants.

“I got used to it.” 

Angel grabs her gun and cocks it. She one bullet after another and when the wind blows back her coat, Bucky can spot another pistol tucked in the waistband of her shorts. 

Motorcycles start to barrel towards them and they pick up their speed. A bounty hunter throws a dagger, slicing at the skin of her thigh. Despite the gash, she can’t feel the pain. Not with the adrenaline coursing through her veins. 

They cut to a halt when they find themselves in an alleyway, surrounded.

Gunshots ring through the air saving them from impending death. 

“Looks like we have a guardian angel.” Zemo notes, his run slowing down into a walk. 

They look around, catching their breath.

“Well, this is too perfect.” The four turn to see a blonde walking towards them, gun pointed in Zemo’s direction. “Drop it, Zemo.”

“Sharon?” Bucky inquires. She rolls her eyes and turns to Angel. 

“Nice to finally meet you, Angel of Death.” 

“What? How do you know her?” Sam asks.

“I was investigating a politician’s death a few years ago. I managed to get my hands on her picture but Bucky over here caused a bit of a stir.”

She chuckles. “Nice to meet you too, Agent Carter. 

“I used to be an agent, not anymore.” Sharon states. 

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember?” Her words, laced with bitterness. She points her gun at Sam “I also took your wings” then to Bucky, “so you could save his ass” finally, to Zemo “from his ass. Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up.”

Angel stands by, watching Bucky ask for Sharon’s help, paying no attention to the cut on her leg. Unfortunately, the adrenaline finally wears off, sending pain up her leg. Her hands press on the bleeding wound, covering her fingers with blood. She hisses in pain, causing Sharon to turn to her, brows raised. 

“This isn’t over.” She spits at them and makes her way over to Angel.

“You might need some stitches for that.” She sighs, handing her a tissue. “I have a place in High Town. You’ll be safe there.”

… 

Bucky takes a seat next to Angel, who is tending to her wound on Sharon’s couch, legs propped up on a glass coffee table.

“She’s stitching herself up.” Sharon smiles. “Best you don’t distract her.”

“I’ll be fine.” Angel murmurs, eyes trained on the needle piercing her skin. “Thanks for the suture kit by the way. I left mine on Zemo’s jet.” 

“No problem. I got myself some first aid supplies when I was on the run. Figured they would come in handy.”

“My calves hurt. You have anything for that?” She grumbles, carefully knotting the thread. 

“There’s probably some ibuprofen in there.” Sharon chuckles. “Those heels are gorgeous but damn, they look painful.”

Bucky gently wraps his fingers around her ankle and looks at her. 

“May I?” 

“Such a gentleman. Of course.”

She places her legs on his thighs and sighs with relief as he massages the sore muscles of her calves. 

���Does it hurt?”

“My calves? Or cut on my thigh.”

“Your thigh.”

She shrugs, pulling the thread.

“Not too much. It’s nothing Advil can’t fix.”

Sharon throws them an amused look. 

“So, what’s going on between the two of you?” 

“James seems to have formed a little bond with her. In more ways than one.” Zemo smiles at them over a glass of whisky.

“I’ll knock that drink right out of your hands.” Angel barks. 

“I have to say, it’s quite ironic. James, you swore that you’d leave your assassin roots behind, yet you’ve taken up the company of one of the most prolific hitwomen in Europe.” 

“He’s got a point,” Sharon says, rifling through racks of clothing. “The irony part, I mean. When I was working the Death Angel case, both the FBI and the CIA profiled you as a psychopath. Someone unable to form proper emotional bonds with others-“

“Sociopath.” Angel interrupted with a roll of her eyes. “Not a psychopath. Psychopaths have no moral compass. But I’d say I do. Sociopaths are still able to discern right from wrong.” 

Sam walks into the room, shrugging a jacket onto his shoulders.

“So why’d you become a hitwoman?”

Though he asks out of curiosity, Bucky still notes the way her eyes narrow, the way her lips twist into a frown. 

“I was getting paid. Plus, they aren’t the type of people you’d like to have dinner with.”

“Let’s drop this, yeah?” Bucky grumbles. “I don’t think Angel wants to continue this conversation.”

Angel. She still hasn’t gotten used to that new name, but she likes it. 

It was nothing like the names the authorities and the public had slapped on her. Killer, psychopath, evil, monster. 

The hardened shell she had built around her has started to crack, but only for Bucky.

For the first time, she wonders what it would be like. To be free from the title of an assassin. 

Maybe she’d live in a quiet Parisian apartment or a sun-filled home in northern Italy. Maybe she’d be alone. She’d be okay with that. Maybe she’ll be with someone else. Maybe with Bucky. She’d be more than okay with that. 

She envied him, even if she shouldn’t. She didn’t go through what he went through. Being taken away, stripped of any control, and then having to live in a world he knew nothing of.

However, Bucky had something she didn’t have. He had good within himself. 

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Sharon hands her a small pile of clothing.

“Here, these seem to be your style. I know some higher-ups so I’ll ask about Nagel. So, while I’m at it, enjoy the party.” 

“Thanks, Sharon.”

“I’ll let you get changed.” Zemo stands and walks away, offering her privacy. 

Sam and Sharon nod, leaving the room, but Bucky stayed behind. 

“Are you okay?” He quietly asks. 

“Yeah. I’m okay.” She curtly nods. 

Bucky reaches for a pad of gauze and presses it to the closed wound. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. You don’t need to worry about me.”

He holds the gauze in place while she tapes it down. 

“You’re really good at that.”

“Thanks.” She huffs. “YouTube has some great tutorials on bandaging.” 

The music from the party downstairs echoes through Sharon’s home, bleeding into the room. 

“Alright.” Angel stands and grabs the clothing that Sharon gave her. “I’ll change and we can head downstairs.”

She walks into the bathroom and shuts the door.

Bucky cleans up the used suture supplies and throws them in the small trash can in the corner while waiting for Angel to finish. 

He wonders what would have happened if he had successfully completed his Berlin mission in 2013. What would have become of her? Everything she does, she does it with a flair. From the way she dresses, to how she acts, even in the way she kills. She was spirited, creative, and clever. He can’t bear the thought of anyone, not just HYDRA, taking that away from her. 

“Hey, Buck?” She walks out of the bathroom, holding her hands across her chest. “Can you help button me up?” 

His mouth goes dry when he sees her. She’s ethereal, not of this world. The forest green satin of her dress compliments her gold jewelry, illuminated by the soft lights of Sharon’s home. 

“Um,” he swallows. “Sure.” 

She walks over to him and turns around so he can hook the buttons through the loops. 

“Pretty isn’t it. Sharon has great taste.” 

“Yeah.” He breathes. 

“Do you like it?”

“I guess so.”

She turns to face him with a mischievous grin. 

“What do you mean ‘you guess so’?” 

“I was born in 1917, I know nothing about modern fashion. You look beautiful, though.” 

Bucky sits back down and she crawls into his lap. “You’re so sweet to me. Maybe too sweet.” She giggles. 

“Oh, by the way.” Her hands rest on his shoulders. “I never returned the favor from this morning.” 

She leans in and presses her mouth against his, kissing him with fervor. 

Bucky tucks her lower lip between his teeth and bites, smiling at her little yelp. He reaches up to cup her face in his hands, rubbing his thumb over her soft skin. She deepens the kiss, letting her tongue brush against his lips. 

A whine leaves his lips as she pulls back and stands. 

He pouts and reaches his arms towards her, hands making a grabbing motion. 

“Another kiss. Please?” 

“Oh, Bucky,” She giggles, lowering herself onto her knees. “You’re too cute.”

Her hands reach for his belt, undoing the buckle. She pulls his jeans down, letting them pile around his feet. He stops her hands right as they reach for his briefs. 

“Wait, I-” He stutters. “I haven’t done this in a long time.” Blushing in embarrassment. 

“If you don’t want to, we can stop.” She says sweetly.

“I want to.” He lets go of her wrist and lets his hand rest in her hair. “I just forgot how it feels.”

“If you want, I can take control for a little bit.” She rests her head on his thigh. “Make you feel good.” 

Bucky blinks owlishly and nods. 

“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”

That was the green light. She pulls his briefs down and Bucky kicks them aside along with the jeans. He grins as he watches her eyes widen. 

“You-” She gasps. “Oh, wow, you’re big.” 

“Yeah?” He chuckles, reaching down to stroke himself. “You think you can take me?” 

“I can try.” 

She spits on her hand and wraps it around his cock. He sucks in a sharp breath when she thumbs over the tip. 

“Oh.” He gasps when she licks the underside. “Oh!”

“Feels good?” She presses a kiss on his thigh. 

“Yeah, really good.”

Her lips wrap around his cock, saliva dripping past her tongue and onto his skin. 

He lets his head fall back, a quiet groan slipping past his lips. 

“Oh, Angel, you’re amazing.”

She flutters her lashes and looks up at him. 

It’s a beautiful sight, he thinks, the way she’s all doe-eyed and blushy. 

He grabs a fist full of her hair and pulls her closer, letting his cock hit the back of her throat. 

She gags around him and tears prick at her eyes, yet she doesn’t pull away. She bobs her head back and forth, sending electricity through his veins. 

Spit dribbles down her chin and Bucky tightens his grip on her hair. He lets his other hand cup her cheek. 

“Relax for me, love.” He murmurs. He holds her head still and pushes his hips forward. She squeezes her eyes shut and grabs onto his thighs. Bucky hisses at the feeling of her nails digging into his skin but the pain is overshadowed by pleasure. Her mouth is so wet, so warm around him and he can’t get enough. 

He’s only had his cock in her mouth for a few minutes but he can already feel himself getting closer. 

“Wait, wait!” He gasps. 

Angel pulls off, eyes wide with worry.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” She asks. 

“No,” He caresses her face. “You were perfect. I just- I’m gonna cum soon and I want you to feel good too.” 

She smiles affectionately. 

“Oh, baby, you’re too good to me.” 

As she moves to straddle him, Bucky takes hold of her waist and pushes her onto the couch so she’s lying underneath him.

“Don’t want you hurting yourself.” He kisses her nose. “Your wound is still healing.” 

His hands push up the hem of her dress, the satin pooling around her waist, exposing the soft skin of her tummy and the scar he left her. He leans down to press a gentle kiss on the scar and he playfully nips at her skin. 

“No biting, puppy.” 

He whines at the name. It makes him feel all soft like he wants to give all of himself to her. His head rests on her tummy and he blinks at her with soft eyes. 

“You wanted me to take control, so I’m taking control.” She coos, running a hand through his hair. “Give me a kiss, baby.” 

He kisses up her body and when his lips meet hers, she takes this as an opportunity to roll themselves over. 

She straddles his hips, letting her cunt rub against his cock. Her eyes close and she sighs in pleasure. 

“You want to fuck me, baby?” She giggles. 

“Yes.” He groans. “Oh god, yes.” 

“What do you say?” she taunts, voice laced with authority. 

“Please.” Bucky pants. “Can I please fuck you?” 

“Mmm. Asking so nicely.” She muses. “Of course you can.” 

His eyes roll back, chest heaving. His mouth drops open but she presses a hand against his mouth. 

“Gotta stay quiet. Don’t want everyone hearing you do we?” 

Bucky nods, biting down on his lip. 

“Good boy.” She leans down and kisses his forehead. “So good.” 

She lifts her hips and presses his cock against her entrance. 

Bucky rests a hand on her hips but she intertwines their fingers and presses his hand onto the couch cushions. 

“No touching.” 

Unfair. She’s being unfair. 

As she lowers herself onto him, Bucky squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to moan. 

“Beautiful.” She whispers, eyes hooded and lips parted. “You’re beautiful.” 

He thinks he could cum right then and there. 

“Am I making you feel good?” She whispers. 

Bucky nods, quiet moans on the tip of his tongue. 

She gasps and tightens around him. Bucky bites down on his lip. Hard. 

“M-move.” He whimpers. “Please.”

She replies by moving her hips back and forth. 

“You feel so good, sweet thing.” 

Bucky hums in content. 

“Thank you.” 

With every movement she makes, with every sound that leaves her lips, Bucky’s convinced she’s going to kill him. 

“Do you know what la petite mort means, baby?” She asks him.

“Mhm.” Bucky opens his eyes. “It’s French. It means a little death.”

They’re nose to nose, both gasping into each other’s mouths. The gold necklaces she’s wearing dangles in his face and he bites down on a chain with a smile. 

“It means more than that, baby. La petit mort refers to an orgasm. And from the looks of it,” She teases, “I think you’re coming close.” 

Bucky groans, letting go of the chain. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Are you close, baby? Are you gonna cum?”

“Yes.” He whimpers with desperation. “Can I cum? Can I cum for you?”

“Tell me I’m your angel.” She whispers into his ear.

“You’re my angel. Can I please cum?” He begs.

“No, not yet.” She laves her tongue over the shell of his ear. “Tell me I’m your only angel.” 

“You’re my angel. My only angel.” 

She squeezes around him and quickens her movements. Her hands press down on his chest as she lifts her hips and sinks back down onto him. 

She’s an angel. His angel. In this moment, he’d do anything for her. Anything for his angel. 

“I’m gonna- fuck.” He groans. 

“Gonna cum?” She asks, voice silvery and low. “Gonna cum for me baby?”

All he can do is nod. 

“Alright.” 

She lifts herself off of him and before he can protest, she’s got her lips wrapped around him. He bucks his hips forward and empties himself into her mouth. 

He watches in awe, chest heaving post-orgasm, as she swallows him down and pulls off of him. With a quick swipe of her hand across she smiles. 

She crawls up his body and places a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

“So good. You were so good for me.”

[endcant]

aimless musings on subgenre, citypop, and internet subcultures

theres something very interesting about watching citypop become very mainstream in korea and watching that feed back into both western listeners’ opinions and also into the sometimes-cynical efforts of a variety of kpop producers

a lot of people in the youtube/kpop sphere talk about the growth of citypop as if it were a spontaneous wave that appeared out of nowhere with mariya takeuchi’s plastic love getting picked up by the youtube algorithm in like 2018 or whatever, but thats a very like online-ignorant view of the interaction between vintage japanese music and worldwide online EDM production. citypop has been used in future funk and vaporwave for almost a decade by now, and, as a result, a number of citypop songs took off on social media here and there before plastic love’s acceleration— dress down by kaworu akimoto is one of the big examples off the top of my head, but there’s likely many many more.

“Plastic Love” by Mariya Takeuchi (1984). if you haven’t heard this yet, you’d better listen to it now. The video that first went viral was uploaded in 2017

“Selfish High Heels” by Yung Bae, Macross 82-99, and Harrison (2014) is a popular Future Funk remixes of Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto (1986)

people who haven’t been very aesthetically literate online over the years— musically or visually, since those things are tied in subcultures— treat things like they come from nowhere. there are ongoing subcultural conversations that lead to certain aesthetic choices, and when someone tries to cash in on a trend without understanding what the trend is, that leads people to call bullshit. calling bullshit is not meanspirited, in my opinion, because it very much is like somebody who can’t speak a language getting up in front of everybody and saying “hey, i’m fluent!” and then speaking some vaguely that-language-sounding nonsense. of course people who genuinely speak that language will be outraged instinctively. it feels like being mocked.

that’s why the difference between music producers picking up on a trend cynically and music producers picking up on a trend with earnest interest in that trend’s origins feels different, even if the producers are similarly distant from the original subculture that produced that trend.

“Lady” by Yubin (2018) committed hard to the 80s JP citypop aesthetic, musically and visually, down to the sets, all fairly early in the major resurgence.

i’m sure that anyone with a passing familiarity with citypop and kpop can ascertain that not all kpop producers know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is that it is on-trend and they have to make it. not all kpop listeners know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is their idol said citypop as a buzzword in their little prepared statement. all this results in some interesting moments for me as a Music Fan, Online.

here is where i get to the thing that spurred this post: loona “did a citypop” for their japanese comeback. it doesnt sound like citypop.

“Hula Hoop (Citypop Version)” by Loona (2021). It has very odd percussion rhythms and mixing for citypop, no real attempt at a citypop verse, and strangely sparse gestures towards citypop in the form of a few seconds of bass and some synthesized orchestral embellishments that were taken from the original mix …all in spite of a very disco-inspired melody that should have worked perfectly for citypop

this is not a very big deal, and im not mad about it or anything. when a kpop act i like gets saddled with an unfortunate B-Side track i dont tend to take it very hard. however, it did raise a little bit of musical discourse in the loona fandom— in the form of remixes.

“hula hoop if it was actually a citypop song” by loonahatetwinks and Olivia Soul on youtube. this one has an original instrumental that is spot-on for contemporary k-citypop

My most favorite one of these remixes is a futurefunk remix by ZSunder, one of the very best LOONA fan producers. The fact that ZSunder thought to make a future funk remix at all speaks more to an understanding of the mutually supportive relationship between citypop and EDM genres than most kpop citypop producers or fanmixers seem to care to know about.

“Hula Hoop (Future Funk Mix)” by ZSunder is futurefunk made and mixed with such love that it has the infectious summery energy of a polished, big-name future funk hit

in the comments of this video, some people seemed to get the citypop-future funk connection and some didnt. many did get it, don’t get me wrong! but also, its not all that surprising for some kpop-focused listeners to not know much about EDM subcultures and the reasons behind various trends among producers, since kpop as an institution tends to take influences from any genre and culture it likes and then decontextualize those influences by just having their names used as buzzwords in the blurbs the idols have to recite when variety show hosts ask them about their latest single. this isn’t a criticism of the genre or the fans really, it’s just a part of the kpop industry that is used to add shine to an endless firehose-like stream of polished pop tracks. there are some issues with using whole genres and subcultures with complex histories as buzzwords, but god help us if we ever want a pop industry to give its influences their dues.

anyway, the intention behind ZSunder’s future funk Hula Hoop remix happened to remind me me of why i love Yukika’s discography so much, especially the Soul Lady album. I’ve seen some reviews online baffled by parts of Soul Lady, because the album in general is an exploration of that relationship between citypop and modern/internet EDM. i’ve seen plenty of Soul Lady reviews especially baffled by pit-a-pet, saying something along the lines of “what’s with the modern-sounding dance track in the middle of a retro album?”, but i think that pit-a-pet is a futurefunk-inspired track, at least in the chorus. considering both that and the Chill Lo-Fi Interludes, it seems like estimate’s team put together Soul Lady for Yukika in a way that shows that they love citypop and understand the online-specific electronic music subcultures that led to citypop’s resurgence.

“pit-a-pet” by Yukika (2020). the stacatto, bass heavy chorus is futurefunk enough, but the soaring orchestral part in the final chorus seals the deal for my interpretation.

“All Flights Are Delayed (1 hour version)” by Yukika (2020). Estimate literally released an hour-long youtube mix of one of the Lo-Fi interludes on Soul Lady as part of their promotion, clearly inspired by “Lo-Fi anime beats to chill out to,” which is another example of online producers from around the world using Japanese samples as a focal point of their music

Estimate, in the end, is still a Kpop production company, just the same as BBC, so they have no inherent claim over citypop, but the way that their exploration of subgenres clearly comes from passion and interest on the part of their production staff makes it so that their work with Yukika rings true. on the other hand, i really appreciate Ryan S. Jhun’s work on LOONA’s JP comeback, as well as on Not Friends, but the citypop mix thing was so clearly an afterthought to the point where fans of Loona who like citypop seem mostly just irritated by the cynical-seeming attempt.

heres one last good modern kpop citypop MV that has nods to the internet culture that led to its revival in the form of the videography— vaporwave, future funk, lofi, and other internet genres along those lines tend to have videos consisting of looping anime and vhs clips. future funk in particular is known for this, especially since a lot of future funk music, esp early future funk, is just loops of very short, catchy segments of citypop and disco songs. it’s all about the loops

“My Type” by Yoon JongShin ft. Miyu Takeuchi (2019). This song is so dedicated to the retro JP citypop sound that it’s almost beyond my personal taste. The singer, Miyu, was a headlining act at a seoul citypop festival and sang this song as part of her act (:

this video of “Only One” by Conscious Thoughts (2015) has a looped clip as an example for comparison with My Type. it also has a pulsing sidechain compressor working in time with its drum beat in a way that is common for future funk and that i think is a good example for my pit-a-pet yukika comparison to future funk

i guess the takeaway here is that media is more and more online, and the creation and propagation of digital audio and video content has been in the hands of literally almost anybody who wants to do it for the past two decades thanks to garage band and fruityloops and audacity and tiktok and youtube and bandcamp and soundcloud and myspace and newgrounds and p2p file sharing and so on and so forth. and therefore like… as with all things, the consumer class more and more is also the creator class, and therefore every member of an audio-visual subculture will have the ability to discern what is and isnt made with knowledge of the audio-visual language of that subculture

[staylavendertea]

music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[katierosefun]

well, here we are! june basically flew by and it was a little rough, but we’re back with some long recs on cool things i’ve read/listened to/watched, and i’m about to force everyone to sit down and listen to my sleepover-esque ted talk in which i give unwarranted and unasked for rec lists. so here we go!

kdrama:

while you were sleeping

okay, so i tried to watch this kdrama when it came out in like...2017, i think? but for some reason, i wasn’t able to get past the first episode. i don’t really know why? because it’s so beautifully shot, and i super love the premise, which is basically this girl and this guy are somehow able to see things that are going to happen in the future...but only in their dreams. this whole kdrama really handled the plot super well--each episode honestly felt like a movie in itself, and the filming was just stunning, and i think this has to be one of the most visual kdramas i’ve ever seen. each character is also super interesting and complex on their own, and i really loved seeing such a strong cast of characters interact with each other in this world. 

i think the only slight downside of this kdrama was that i couldn’t really get invested in the romance? i’m not quite sure why--i found both lead actors’ performances wonderful, and don’t get me wrong, i did think they were cute together as the drama went on, but i still couldn’t find myself buying into the romance until maybe relatively late in the drama (like...ep 11 or so? ep 16 was honestly when i realized that awww, wait, they’re actually super cute). but then again, i feel like the writers weren’t really prioritizing the romance either--i think they really wanted us to think about the beauty of dreams and redemption and how everyone can touch another person’s life in some significant way, so i can’t really be mad about it!

but anyways, overall i really enjoyed this kdrama and watched it all a lot faster than i thought i would! SOLID music, beautiful cinematography, good acting, mostly good writing, and some really memorable characters! def. a must-watch if you love suspense, aesthetics, and some wonderful characters.

the ghost detective

i’m someone who doesn’t like horror or scary things at all, but i was so intrigued by the plot and whatever material i saw on tumblr, and...of course, choi daniel, lee joo young, lee ji ah, and park eun bin. honestly, this is just a really wonderful and really underrated cast, and they really all brought out their a-game for this 32-episode supernatural / thriller / horror drama. basically, this kdrama follows the story of a young woman who’s trying to figure out who murdered her younger sister...and of course, there’s something supernatural going on. 

honestly, this kdrama was such a ride. i loved the crime-solving aspect of it, and i was really in love with the interactions between all the characters, esp. that of eun bin and daniel’s characters. (guys...they’re so ride and die for each other. there’s also so much yearning. so much yearning in this kdrama, it just about killed me--) 

the villain was absolutely, appropriately, elegantly creepy, and like...scary beyond belief. basically, the villain (lee ji ah’s character) feeds her victims these harmful thoughts and ultimately get them to kill themselves. it’s sad and haunting, especially when you see that the victims tell their victims “don’t listen to the bad things. try only to listen to the good things”. and...yeah. themes of how to handle all of these bad feelings inside of you really came through in this kdrama, and there were a lot of themes of suicide and the kind of rage and sadness that comes with that. (also! if you’re a fan of lots of angsty/whumpy situations....this kdrama definitely does not hold back with all of your fave whump/angst tropes! literally! every! episode! i! had! to! lie! down! because! too! powerful!)

school 2013 

(aww, look at this precious cast…as though they didn’t all make me ugly cry at least five times—)

yeah, yeah, yeah, i’ve talked about this kdrama ad nauseum, and i know i watched it last month, but as i was studying for the lsat, i really, really, really needed some comfort. most notably comfort re: studying life, academics, how difficult it is to study but also be uncertain of your dreams…and if you are certain of your dreams, how that sometimes requires studying but that just makes life all the more overwhelming…can you tell i’ve been thinking about this a lot

i’m not going to ramble more about this kdrama considering i already have done so multiple times, but i enjoyed this rewatch and honestly,,,my love for this show has just grown even more. there’s a good reason why people consider this a comfort kdrama, because. i consider myself deeply comforted. also, i’ve been listening to the ost for the whole month. it’s become a problem. but sometimes. sometimes you need to listen to songs that feel like someone’s patting you on the head and telling you don’t give up, set down your burdens, don’t think you’re alone and dream whatever you want to dream, go wherever you want to go. i’ll stop talking now, but god. when i say that i think everyone who has ever felt incredibly tired by work or school and just wished for someone to give them a big hug either then or now...god. this is just one of those kdramas that i think honestly touched so many people’s lives, and i’m very grateful for the cast and crew and writers for ever bringing this story to life. :’) (god, okay, now i’ll stop talking before i make myself cry i’m fine this is fine)

your honor

so, i watched this kdrama thinking that it would be light and funny given that yoon shi yoon is the main male lead, but boy was i wrong--don’t be fooled by these happy little faces, this kdrama is heavy. this kdrama is about a young man (with a criminal record) who winds up impersonating his twin brother, who happens to be a judge. we also have a trainee who, after seeing the legal system fail her older sister, is on the rise to dispense justice through the courts the best she can.

honestly, the first few episodes were rough, mostly because of the content. big trigger warning for rape, violence, and sexual harassment at work. this kdrama really didn’t hold back when it came to addressing how the very people who use the law can also be the very same people who manipulate and abuse it. because of that, i found this kdrama incredibly powerful. that said, it certainly had its lighthearted moments too. 

overall though, i liked this kdrama. the main characters were incredibly complex and genuinely the type to make me believe that for all the injustices in the world, there are still and always will be people fighting for the right thing. as someone who wants to enter the legal field, this kdrama was just uplifting. i was so blown away by the absolute rawness of the main two leads, esp. yoon shi yoon, who i’ve only ever seen in super lighthearted kdramas. so this was a really interesting change of pace, and i genuinely enjoyed watching this!

waiting for love

so this kdrama is just two episodes, and what’s better is that it’s available on youtube! it’s about two college students--a young woman who’s been hurt by falling in love with jerks now just wants to date, not really fall in love...and a young man who’s excellent at giving dating advice except he’s afraid that he’s never going to actually fall in love, so he just dates a girl for the sake of dating.

now, i kinda thought that this show was going to be kinda lighthearted, a little shallow--but it was weirdly...comforting? idk, i found myself liking it a lot more than i thought it would be. this is far from the perfect kdrama, and i kinda wished that we got more than 2 episodes because i think some of the plot points could have been better expanded, but...there were genuinely a lot of scenes that made me think a bit more about what it actually means to be in a loving relationship--like how it’s not enough to just put on a happy smile and eat meals together, but like...you know. there has to be trust and actual liking and also, yeah, maybe a bit of frustration in order to actually know whether a relationship is real or not. and given that the characters were all discussing the pressure on getting married and romance esp. when you’re in your twenties...idk. makes you think about are you dating someone for the sake of appearances? or do you genuinely...like them?

there was also quite a few tropes that i personally adore in this kdrama, which helped balance out the stuff i found more tiring. there was a lot of the “right person, wrong time” stuff going on (you really want the two main leads to get together after a certain point, and you just keep holding your breath whenever they walk past each other and beg please please please let it be this time...), and also that good old “two strangers fall in love with each other purely over writing to each other” (god. first the half of it, then me & au, then greenhouse podcast...something about this trope huh). that said, there were def. some parts that made me “:////” because some of the characters were kind of frustrating, but i’m gonna chalk that up to good writing since i think i was mostly mad about how i knew people like some of the characters lol. overall, i think this might be at least semi-enjoyable--it’s probably not something i’ll watch again, but it def. made me mull over what it means to actually be in a loving relationship, esp. if you’re in your twenties and everyone around you seems to be in happy romantic relationships/getting engaged and whatnot. 

movie: 

columbus 

i’m a firm believer that there are some movies that are meant to cheer you up, some movies meant to make you cry, and then there’s some movies that are just meant to...sit with you. and this movie is definitely one of them. this story follows casey, a high school graduate, and jin, the son of a famous architect. the two of them are both so incredibly exhausted with their lives (casey with her constant worry about her mother, who’s a recovering drug addict; jin with his surface-level lack of concern for his comatose father). in their small town of columbus, indiana, the two of them bond over architecture and just. being quietly there for each other.

this movie’s been compared a few times to lost in translation in the sense that there’s this not quite romance between the two leads, who have a bit of an age gap (john cho and haley lu richardson have about 20 between them!). to be honest, i didn’t really get the sense that there was supposed to be a romance. if anything, it just felt like...two really lonely people finding each other. definitely not a simple friendship--definitely not a familial kind of relationship, definitely intimate. 

idk. i think this movie might not be for everyone--i definitely agree with a lot of past reviewers that this movie is on the slower side. there’s some stuff here about complicated relationships with parents, a lot of cool architecture, really beautiful shots...and overall, it’s just...quiet. it’s lovely, and i can’t really stop thinking about it. it’s subtle, bittersweet, and oddly compelling. might not be the kind of thing you’d want to watch in the middle of the day, but if you’re a little sad and in the mood for something not to necessarily lift your spirits but...at least acknowledge them and sit with you, then...this is the movie to watch. idk. i felt kind of crummy the day i watched this movie, and i felt as though someone just sat next to me on a park bench until the sun went down. (mayhaps specific but hush, i’m writing this right after finishing this movie, so i’m...feeling a certain way.)

wish dragon 

i watched this movie right after watching columbus because a) decided i was in the mood for something lighter, and b) i learned that john cho?? voiced?? the dragon?? (caroline your crush on john cho’s jumping out this month...) 

but anyways! i loved this movie a lot. it was so satisfying? like, just narratively speaking? and the animation was wonderful and also weirdly smooth and satisfying, and there were a lot of funny and touching moments. this movie’s about this young man named din who stumbles upon a magical teapot that holds the wish dragon long--long has to grant din three wishes, and yes, i know, very aladdin, but that said, this movie has so many original twists that it feels weird to call it an aladdin retelling. it really did feel like a movie completely on its own, which i applaud the writer and director for! 

i don’t want to spoil too much of this movie, but something i really enjoyed was that din’s main wish is just to see his old childhood friend again. idk, i think we all have that one friend from when we were really little that we miss--and this movie really dug into that, as well as themes about parents wanting to do the best they can to provide for their kids, and!!! and long the dragon gets his own storyline and amazing character development too!!! i was honestly just amazed at how this movie fleshed out the characters so well and had so many wonderful themes that just made me tear up. guys. this movie’s great. highly recommend for its wonderful characters and the power of friendship. just a grand old time in general. :’))

searching 

yeah...yeah, i wasn’t kidding about my crush on john cho this month. yes, i watched three of his movies within 24 hours. this movie is about david kim who’s looking for his missing 16 year old daughter, margot. this film is honestly noteworthy for many reasons, one of them being that the entire movie is told through like...a laptop screen, as in we kind of follow david’s frantic search through facetime, facebook, tumblr...which i honestly didn’t think i’d be into, but whoo boy, i was wrong. it just added to the whole addictive quality of this movie, as it usually does when it comes to anything from the thriller genre. 

but besides this just being a straight up addictive thriller with absolutely mouth-dropping twists (but like...good twists, and smart twists, good god--), this movie was just...touching? there’s so many themes related to what grief does to a family (because we learn within the first 10 minutes that the mom died due to cancer), and there’s just...something really fragile about relationships between surviving family members. i was absolutely blown away by john cho’s performance as a tentative and grieving widower whose world just absolutely falls apart in his search for his daughter. this movie was just so...real because of that. like, yes, this movie has all of the suspense that you would expect this kind of movie to have, but there was also just...so many beautiful themes about grief and how far parents would go for their kids and godddd yeah no i started sobbing when the movie ended. god. 

also, my bias towards john cho aside, i...really loved his character. david kim is absolutely believable, and like? he’s not just the guy putting the pieces together--he’s also the guy who misses his wife and also the guy who wishes that he was there for his daughter. he’s also the guy who pauses and re-writes all his text messages because he’s trying to be a good dad. i feel like with a lot of these suspense / missing person movies, it’s really easy to have characters who are just the stoic alpha male types--and david kim definitely had his badass moments in this movie, but like...something i just loved was seeing the vulnerability that comes with...having a missing child. being a parent. god. this movie messed me up but in a good way. i can honestly say that this movie is now probably going to be one of my fave movies of all time. highly recommend, am literally obsessed with it.

book:

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

ohohoho………where to begin with this book. this was one of those books where i was like “huh i kinda don’t understand why people are so obsessed with this book”, but then i hit like...page 20 or 30 and was like “oh god i Literally Cannot Put This Book Down Oh No” and wound up finishing it in like three days (mind you, i only read at like...midnight these days. i don’t understand why either). 

i finished this book at like 2 am and promptly burst into tears because this was just one of those books. it follows the story of evelyn hugo, a famous hollywood actress from the 60s or so and onwards. known for her intense beauty and her seven husbands, she’s now giving an exclusive interview to the young reporter monique grant, where she’s about to tell all about her life. this book had me dropping my mouth multiple times, and i think tjr can spin one hell of a story, with so many good twists and turns and intensely memorable characters. by the end of the book, i was actually mad that evelyn hugo wasn’t a real person, because i, too, fell a little in love with her and thought, i want to actually watch her movies. i want to learn even more about this remarkable woman. 

but alas! she’s not real, so i don’t get to see her accept an oscar or look up all the tabloids about her and her seven husbands or her speculated (and very, very, very real) relationship with celia st. john. basically...i just loved this book. the last line made me smile and laugh and cry a little bit (actually...cry a lot), and y’know...i’ll admit it’s not totally perfect, but i’m glad this book exists, and i’m glad that even though tjr isn’t bi herself, was very adamant in this book about bisexuality being real. just. like. god. once again. mad that evelyn hugo isn’t real. it’s fine, she’s real in my heart.