#applies spongebob logic

[piowasthere]

gay fysh

i am so not normal about this ship i love them so, so much-

also this is their first interaction that's how they met

Lunar swam too deep down and got caught by an angler :] it went well.

anyway, our usual 'u Can Actually See Shit' ver under

[saitama-vs]

Can Plankton from Spongebob Defeat Saitama?

Rules: a character can only defeat Saitama if they

1: Can avoid getting punched, AND

2: It is funnier for them to win. Do not apply powerscaling logic to this poll.

Vote under the cut if you read the rules

[allsassnoclass]

hello, Hazel!

how about "let's go out for a cheap dinner" ft. mashton for the prompts?<3

hi ana! thanks for requesting!

mashton: "Let's go out for a cheap dinner"

Michael covers his face with his hands and groans, as loud as he can. It echoes slightly in the empty theater, or maybe he just thinks it does because his hands are creating an echo chamber, but either way it's equally as satisfying as it isn't.

"Mood," Luke says. Michael turns his head to look at him, sitting in the second row of the audience with his feet propped up on the chair in front of him, Sierra nodding sagely beside him. It looks like an uncomfortable position for someone of his size, but laying on his back on the hard, disgusting wooden stage isn't as comfortable for Michael as it could be, so he's not going to say anything.

"They should've done Beauty and the Beast," Calum repeats for the fiftieth time since they all began working on this production nearly two months ago.

"Or Shrek. Or Spongebob. Or Sound of Music. Or literally any other family-friendly musical besides fucking Mary Poppins," Michael agrees, just like he has every other time.

When he applied for the job to direct Mary Poppins at a community theater this summer, it had seemed like a good idea. Being partially-funded through Community Education, he was told that they would have full access to the theater, scene shop, and costume shop at the high school, as well as some additional rehearsal spaces there. The board of directors seemed really excited to dive into a family show after producing some more mature musicals in the previous years, and he got to hire the production staff, meaning he could ensure that he works with his friends this summer. He knew that Mary Poppins is a difficult show from basically every standpoint: the music is complex, the dance numbers are big, there's an inconvenient amount of settings, and Mary Poppins does magic at about 12 different points in the script, including flying across the stage. Still, Michael had been optimistic.

Michael had been a fucking idiot.

This has been, to put it plainly, the most frustrating directing experience Michael has ever had. The theater was a new build from five years ago, but apparently the blueprints have since been lost and no one at the school knows the measurements of the space. He keeps trying to negotiate with different flight companies so they can rent equipment, hire a trainer, and have Mary actually fly across the stage, but most of them are appalled at the quick turnaround and all of them need some sort of measurement of the space, not to mention that Michael has to wait for permission from Community Education before he can solidify a deal. Every time he thinks they have it, the school finds some sort of issue that takes him three days to smooth over, at which point they find another one, then later another one.

Administration doesn't seem to understand anything about urgency, because the production staff didn't get their contracts until a month after rehearsals began, so now everyone is scrambling to get things done, and they still don't know what the set will look like because they don't know if Mary will be flying or if they have to find some other way to imply that she is.

That doesn't even scratch the surface. The stage has dried gum on it but the custodians won't let them mop, let alone paint the stage so it actually looks nice and fresh instead of ugly and chipped. They don't have keys to the catwalk. They only just got keys to the booth tonight, and Matt and Roy spent all rehearsal up there trying to figure out how the sound and lights are set up, because it doesn't follow logic. The electrics aren't weighted, which could kill someone, but the weight station is a floor above and the door is padlocked. Michael has already requested a key, but he requested a key to the catwalk two months ago and still doesn't have it.

There's no dressing rooms, no backstage space, and no hallway behind the stage to cross from one side to the other unseen. Michael figures all of those are problems for tech week, but tech week is very quickly approaching, which is why Michael is currently laying on the stage having a mental breakdown two hours after rehearsal ended.

His phone buzzes. He checks it, exhaling when he sees who is texting him.

"Can someone let Ashton in?" he requests.

Someone, probably Roy, heaves a sigh and gets up. Michael stares up at the electrics and wonders if he can sue the school if one of the lights falls and lands on him.

"Well, this is pitiful," Ashton says a few moments later. Michael holds up his middle finger. Ashton probably looks lovely, even for this late at night, and looking at him will probably make Michael feel incrementally better, but he's decided to let himself wallow and therefore refuses to so much as glance at him.

"Come on, what was your win of the day?" Ashton asks. He started asking this after the second week, when Michael came home and told him that every day with this production feels like getting one win, then fifteen losses. The win is usually that the actors have learned something new. The losses are typically everything else.

"We got access to the booth," Matt offers. "Nothing in there is set up, but we have access, so Roy and I can actually start our jobs."

Michael gives a thumbs up.

"Hey, that's great! Is there anything else that you need to solve here tonight, or can I take your fearless leader home?"

Michael holds up his middle finger again. There's a beat of silence, then Calum's voice, holding all of the authority he needs as a stage manager.

"There's nothing else we can do tonight. Let's all go home."

Michael listens to everyone gather their things and put the theater back to some semblance of order. Something blocks the lights overhead, and Michael squints until the silhouette solidifies into Ashton, looking down at him. He really looks good, even when Michael is looking at him from the most unfortunate angle. He's wearing a bandana to keep his curls contained, something which he started doing again this summer, and his shirt is sleeveless, giving Michael a fantastic view of his arms. Michael really likes those arms.

Ashton holds out a hand. Michael drags a sigh up from the depths of his soul and takes it.

"What do you want to eat?" Ashton asks as he's hauling him up and Michael is doing his best imitation of a rag doll.

"We have no food at home. I do not want peanut butter and jelly."

"Let's go out for a cheap dinner," Ashton suggests. Michael rolls his eyes and slumps against him.

"I do not want McDonald's for the third time this week, and there's no where else near us open this late."

"I was researching and found a 24/7 diner about half an hour away. That'll give you enough time to vent and relax, and you'll probably get to sleep just as early as you would if we went home and you watched Netflix."

Michael considers, enjoying the feeling of Ashton's arm around him, supporting his weight. Ashton is always a fantastic combination of solid and soft, which makes him the perfect person to hug.

"I have a playlist ready," Ashton says. "No Mary Poppins on it at all."

"Twist my arm, why don't you," Michael concedes. Ashton ushers him off the stage to gather his backpack, script, and numerous writing utensils that have escaped their case. Calum has already stolen his keys to lock up, and by the time he turns out the lights and the group heads to the parking lot, Michael is feeling marginally more like a functional person.

"Come on, in you go," Ashton says after they call goodbyes to the rest of the staff, holding Michael's door open for him. The show must be taking a noticeable toll on him tonight if Ashton is babying him this much, but Michael is pretty lazy and isn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth right now.

Michael doesn't know what he'd do without Ashton, honestly. Between juggling his day job, rehearsals, production meetings, and all of the administrative bullshit that has unexpectedly come with this show, Michael barely finds time to exist, let alone eat and sleep and drink water. Ashton is the one who ensures that those needs are met, picking him up from production meetings once he deems that they've gone on long enough if Michael doesn't call before then, making meals that will be good reheated when he has time and scoping out places for them to get food when everything else is closed. He offers a patient ear when Michael needs to rant and practical solutions when he can, and Michael is man enough to admit that he would have fallen apart by now without the knowledge that there is someone who is in his corner and who will still love him if the production goes to shit.

"Hey," he says once Ashton starts the engine, his phone already hooked up to the car and an acoustic pop punk song beginning to play over the speakers. "I love you."

Ashton smiles at him, reaching out and tucking a lock of Michael's hair back, letting his fingers trail down Michael's cheek after. Michael closes his eyes, savoring the sensation.

"I love you, too," Ashton says warmly. "Now let's get some food in you. You can tell me all about the school's latest bullshit on the way there."

Michael sighs and presses back against his seat, looking out the window at the dark. quiet town around them. He starts talking, and Ashton listens attentively the entire time, even when Michael can tell from his clenched jaw and furrowed brow that he's angry on his behalf. Once Michael has gotten it all out of his system, he lets Ashton distract him with talk about his own day over a plate of pancakes and some bacon.

With Ashton's ankle hooked around his under the table, it's the most relaxed Michael has felt all day.

"Thank you," Michael says before they pay the bill. He means it for more than just the food, Ashton understands. He always does.

"I love you," Ashton says in reply, like it's an explanation.

Michael takes the last bite of his pancakes from the tiny diner that Ashton found to ensure that Michael eats well, and knows with certainty that he can make it through anything with Ashton by his side.

[solarzilla]

People are mostly defensive of them as a result of slightly annoying cartoon reviewers from the early to mid 2010s but ppl do just underestimate how bad post-movie spongebob could get, and just early 2010s Nickelodeon in-general (same logic can apply to CN and TTG's whole thing. Surprisingly not Disney as much)

[0poole]

I LOVE No Straight Roads

Honestly it’s hard to keep me away from a game with great visuals and even greater character design. I knew from the INSTANT I saw these characters that I was going to love it. I just finished it because it’s (unfortunately) pretty short, and even though I cheesed the final boss through it’s very lenient death mechanics (Instant respawn at the cost of a good rank) I actually appreciated that it wasn’t a pure cake walk. I’ve yet to rematch all of the bosses, but since I had genuine trouble with the later ones I’ll hold off on that.

But who cares about gameplay, am I right? I sure as hell don’t. I would’ve bought the game no matter what the hell it was. I wanted the characters (and the music, although I realized that second) and that was it. 

First of all, I love any world that is super fantastical but cheesy in its concept, ala a city powered by music, and battles between artists using music. Ideas like this only spawn from a mind that wants to create a fun atmosphere, if nothing else, and it was sure as hell fun. I genuinely love when someone goes so far into a crazy idea and doesn’t waste your time explaining it with real world logic. Wanna know how a city can be powered by music? Shut up and look at the cute virtual mermaid. Lord knows I did. Every once in a while, it does you good to just let the player/reader/viewer just revel in the idea without having to go out of your way to make things seem realistic. It’s not about “turning your brain off” or whatever, it’s picking your battles.

Also, I can seriously love a world with great background characters to it. Any game with the right situation to insert the random nobodies you find onto the streets into the art in the credits really played into the greatness of the world’s less important characters, and that’s always a good thing. It’s technically world building. But, since I always love to pick favorites, I’d have to say my favorite background character is easily Mia, the NSR infodesk assistant. It’s funny, because you can literally search “nsr characters” into Google and she’s the third image result. I love how jumpy she is when you first interact with her, since NSR probably spread the word about B2J suggesting they’re rock thugs who’d beat up anyone, so for all she knows she could die right then and there with a guitar lodged in her skull. She’s probably just some intern trying to pay for college. She don’t want trouble.

Also, I just realized that 90% of the characters in this game have the same body structure that I always love, that being having arms/legs that sort of fan out in width into relatively large hands/feet. It’s a kind of limb structure I fall into so much because it just really hits me right for some reason. I really can’t explain why.

Anyways, I gotta talk about the big boys individually:

Mayday and Zuke are an amazing duo. I’m always a sucker for a cute and crazy girl, but honestly Zuke hit so many of the right notes too. I will say it’s weird to pair the martian Zuke with the humanly-skinned Mayday, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because he looks so cool on his own. I love his weird blocky blue dreadlocks, and his weirdly shaped shirt which bares his chest in the weirdest way... And, oh my god, Mayday’s weird Spongebob background flower eyes? It’s little tidbits like that that really make me jealous. How could I have ever thought of that? It looks so perfect, and I don’t know why. And her little booty jig she does in her idle animation? Adorable. I played as her as much as was reasonable not only because I’m a filthy button masher with little strategy but also because she’s so damn cute. I can also appreciate how she has a tough-as-nails persona while still keeping a semi-girly attitude, like with her falling for 1010 and Sayu. Characters are so much better when they’re a perfect blend of characteristics, instead of being all one-note, like how Zuke is the quiet one but gets heated against DK West, and all. 

Honestly the voice acting for every character is great, but I love when Mayday’s VA’s accent shows through. It’s a perfect twang to accent (consider this the only acknowledgement of a pun in this post) her snarkiness. 

DJ Subatomic Supernova was going to be an easy favorite since he’s all space-themed. Also, I don’t know why I always end up liking the egotistic characters. Not in the sense that I like their egotistic-ness, but in the sense that I like everything else about them and they just so happen to also be egotistic. The same applied with Empoleon (maybe like my 2nd favorite Pokemon) and Rarity from MLP, probably among others. Either way, I’ll never not love space themes. Not to mention he’s got a funky disco theme, and I’m slowly starting to realize that I am in extreme love with techno-funk styles of music. The instant I heard his music he cemented his place into my playlists. 

As for design, I still have no idea what the fuck he is. Clearly AI is at human levels in this world, but if he’s a robot why does he still have hairy legs? But, if he’s a human, is that weird orb his head? Is it just some sort of puppet which he controls from inside his giant jacket? I know I dissed explaining things realistically but I actually want to know with this guy. Even the wiki doesn’t say. Either way, he’s clearly the logical extreme of “being at the center of your own universe.” Even his jacket depicts a solar system, with his hood being the sun. Didn’t see that until I tried to draw him. I really wish this guy wasn’t so tied to his DJ stand so I could reasonably draw him without it. I don’t want to draw his hairy ass legs. It is a great touch for his design though (although I prefer his beta look with pants and long boots, another design trait I tend to gravitate to) since DJs could reasonably not wear pants, since they’re always behind a table.

Sayu is my favorite. It’s so plainly obvious. It’s weird to say that sometimes, because some characters like Sayu are so clearly engineered to be as adorable as possible, to the point where they’re basically a parody of whatever they’re supposed to be emulating, but then they do that so well that they are still likable for what they’re trying to parody. Also, even though I’ve never looked into any vocaloid superstars myself, the fact that they exist and are loved in real life is absolutely perfect to be used as a character design in a world like this. It’s so weird conceptually, but we all know it’s normal and realistic. But yeah, she’s a giga-cutie whom I’ve already drawn and I’ve listened to her theme on loop on many different occasions. Favorite character, favorite track, favorite weapon of choice (What did I say about Empoleon?), which, and I wouldn’t have noticed this myself, looks like the USB symbol you see above USB ports on computers. How crazy perfect is that?

Even apart from my unbridled love for cute monster robot(?) girls, her boss fight is probably the 2nd greatest of them all, at least conceptually. She’s just a hologram, so you can’t touch her, but you CAN disconnect the artists which control her in order to defeat her. It’s the kind of concept for a boss fight that could only work for this type of character. I’m a sucker for the cute girl that provides her voice, but I love how the animator (video editor? the yellow one) actually attacks you with a mouse and lowers the brightness of the setting once he appears. Also, the mocap guy being the deeply-voiced type but still providing the adorable movements of her body. It’s such a great combo of characters, and their little extra art in the credits makes me like them even more. I just wish we could interact with them individually.

DK West was probably one of the most interesting characters visually, especially since I knew of every other NSR member long before the game came out, but I only just heard of him closer to the release. I wasn’t sure where he was placed, but I definitely assumed his gig was the weird shadow demon we saw in the trailers. When I finally saw him in game, I was shocked to hear him speak an entirely different language most of the time, which was really cool. Also, finding out he was tied to Zuke and wasn’t strictly an NSR artist really made him more interesting. You know, if his fucking shadow clone magic didn’t make him crazy cool enough. Even though I suck at his game and am not especially fond of his raps, the visual of him rapping with this giant monster behind him and dozens of weird shadow wingmen by his side hyping him up was probably one of the coolest in the entire game. The dark way they were hyping him up too gave such a bizarre atmosphere, especially since it parallels his seemingly chill and smiley demeanor. 

I definitely hope they’ll introduce new bosses as DLC in the future, and make them sort of in the same vein as DK West, where they aren’t the biggest artists ever, but they want to pick a fight with B2J. I’d kill for any extra content this game can provide.

Yinu is obviously special since she was the subject of the demo they put out for the game. Even though I knew all her bells and whistles, she and her mom still beat me a few times in the full game. Considering she’s semi-tied to story-ish spoilers I kinda want to go more into her in a separate section. It is worth considering playing the game first since it’s not hard (with the easy going deaths) and it’s short length.

1010 seriously grew on me as I learned more about them and interacted with them. I got their shtick when I first looked at them, but after seeing that animation of them touring the city on Youtube I was kinda falling for them. Then, I learned that they’re apparently repurposed navy war robots? I mean, maybe not them specifically, but it seems to heavily point in that direction, with the warship cars and “attention!”s and all. It took me a bit to get into their music too, but once I actually fought them and put their actions to the music I fell in love with it. I swear, Neon J’s weird dancing can has some of the smoothest moves in all of gaming. I don’t know whether they mocapped out those movements or got one of the greatest animators ever, but it looks so impossibly clean his part of the song gets me like 30x more hype than it would normally. 

Also, their little art piece of them looking at fan mail in the credits is probably one of the most adorable things ever. Even if they’re just Neon J’s puppets, that piece of art really makes it seem like they love every one of their fans. I’m not gonna lie, I might swoon a bit too if they picked me out and gave me some special attention.

Oh yeah, and the fact that Mayday was super sad in her showstopper against them was adorable and hilarious at the same time. The little tweaks they made to the showstopper for each fight were great.

Eve just has to be Lady Gaga, right? Like, an even crazier Lady Gaga. DJSS is Daft Punk (or any artist with a helmet persona, you know what I’m talking about), Sayu is Hatsune Miku, DK West is Kanye West, Yinu is a generic child protege, 1010 is a KPop boyband (just pick one) and Eve is Lady Gaga. That’s just how things are. But, again, this is the kind of boss fight that only this type of character could provide. It’s not just surreal imagery, it’s ARTISTIC surreal imagery. The fight is so mesmerizing in every way, especially by how it starts off so slow and calm and progresses to insanity, as well as the increased emotional investment in the fight making you feel so much more into it than just “That’s the boy band. Let’s fight.” Not only does it get you more invested, but it makes her artistic persona go deeper than just “she looks weird.” She is genuinely conflicted about her relationship with Zuke, and naturally that leads her to literally split him and Mayday apart. That mechanic specifically was the coolest, although I do wish they made it more obvious when you needed to switch over to a different side. I was getting pulverized by her fight too, since there were so many things to pay attention to. Her fight was definitely the best one. 

Tatiana and Spoilers:

Let’s be real with ourselves, the twist was so obvious. I do also think, though, that obvious twists aren’t bad if they’re just good reveals. At some point, a person just has experienced so many stories that “only pretty good” twists are easy to spot. It doesn’t mean that the twists are bad, it just means you yourself experienced.

I feel like her transition from rock to EDM was pretty understandable, even as a non-musician. She was so caught up in what she assumed was popular that it basically consumed her. It’s easy as an artist to want to forgo what you truly want to make in favor of what makes you popular, and clearly since her transition to EDM made her the CEO of the biggest company in the city (world?) that probably made her think she truly needed to change her outlook. Then, when she saw B2J try to bring it back, she sort of coined them as being as misguided as she was and knocked them down a peg. Plus, they were kinda being jerks about it.

It’s kinda like the Trolls sequel, where everyone pegs rock music fanatics as being too stuck up in their own heads to appreciate other types of music, which honestly seems more like the case than the alternative. When I first heard of the story of the game, I was seriously hoping they did put an asterisk on B2J’s ambitions because they were a bit sketchy from the start. 

That’s kinda where I want to talk about Yinu, because she was the true turning point in what they were doing. She’s literally 9 and yet she’s getting dragged into all this BS. When she said “I hate you all” at the end of her fight, and played a somber tune on her broken piano after the fight destroyed it, you kinda got a kick in the face to realize you’re kinda being an asshole to some of them. Sure, they fight back, but they wouldn’t fight in the first place if they didn’t have to. They are just people who play music under a joint name that B2J just so happened to get in hot water with. 

Then, of course, there’s Kliff, who also reeked of surprise villain, and who’s basically the embodiment of the bad side of B2J, where he just wanted to destroy for his own sake and not for the actual greater good. Once B2J realized their mistake, they backed off, but Kliff was so hard pressed to do what he planned on in the first place he wouldn’t stop. I kinda wish he got a bigger fight to his own since he’s clearly a big enough tech genius to divert a whole satellite into one specific building. Maybe the Elliecopter chase bit was his thing, but I do kind of wish he was there to fight against them too.

Even though Tatiana did kind of reform a bit quick, It’s still not too crazy to assume she could see that B2J was just misguided and the fact that they worked to revert their wrongdoings for her sake would make a pretty strong impressions. They clearly can hold their own, so it’s not like she wouldn’t want them to join NSR too. 

Oh yeah, and her boss fight was clock/time themed. If there’s a theme under space that I love, it’s clocks/time. 

And If I am to be respected by the internet, I must provide a negative opinion to balance out my positive one. I will say that the character model physics (like Mayday’s braids, DK West’s vest thing, Neon J’s fluffy neck thing, etc) got kinda funky at times. Especially DK West’s vest, which was completely messed up for every scene he was in... Also, even though the voices are mostly great, some lines felt a bit off. Just a bit. That good enough? Good.

But yeah anyway that’s another favorite game to add to the pile. Eventually I’m gonna have to compile a true list of my all-time favorite games/movies because I do kind of want to have a solid idea of what my all-time favorites are.

[letterboxd]

Blurring the Line.

As a new Space Jam film beams down to Earth, Kambole Campbell argues that a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium is what it takes to make a great live-action/animation hybrid.

The live-action and animation hybrid movie is something of a dicey prospect. It’s tricky to create believable interaction between what’s real and what’s drawn, puppeteered or rendered—and blending the live and the animated has so far resulted in wild swings in quality. It is a highly specific and technically demanding niche, one with only a select few major hits, though plenty of cult oddities. So what makes a good live-action/animation hybrid?

To borrow words from Hayao Miyazaki, “live action is becoming part of that whole soup called animation”. Characters distinct from the humans they interact with, but rendered as though they were real creatures (or ghosts), are everywhere lately; in Paddington, in Scooby Doo, in David Lowery’s (wonderful) update of Pete’s Dragon.

The original ‘Pete’s Dragon’ (1977) alongside the 2016 remake.

Lowery’s dragon is realized with highly realistic lighting and visual-effects work. By comparison, the cartoon-like characters in the 1977 Pete’s Dragon—along with other films listed in Louise’s handy compendium of Disney’s live-action animation—are far more exaggerated. That said, there’s still the occasional holdout for the classical version of these crossovers: this year’s Tom and Jerry replicating the look of 2D through 3D/CGI animation, specifically harkens back to the shorts of the 1940s and ’50s.

One type of live-action/animation hybrid focuses on seamless immersion, the other is interested in exploring the seams themselves. Elf (2003) uses the aberration of stop-motion animals to represent the eponymous character as a fish out of water. Ninjababy, a Letterboxd favorite from this year’s SXSW Festival, employs an animated doodle as a representation of the protagonist’s state of mind while she processes her unplanned pregnancy.

Meanwhile, every Muppets film ever literally tears at the seams until we’re in stitches, but, for the sake of simplicity, puppets are not invited to this particular party. What we are concerned with here is the overlap between hand-drawn animation and live-action scenes (with honorable mentions of equally valid stop-motion work), and the ways in which these hybrids have moved from whimsical confections to nod-and-wink blockbusters across a century of cinema.

Betty Boop and Koko the clown in a 1938 instalment of the Fleischer brothers’ ‘Out of the Inkwell’ series.

Early crossovers often involve animators playing with their characters, in scenarios such as the inventive Out of the Inkwell series of shorts from Rotoscope inventor Max Fleischer and his director brother Dave. Things get even more interactive mid-century, when Gene Kelly holds hands with Jerry Mouse in Anchors Aweigh.

The 1960s and ’70s deliver ever more delightful family fare involving human actors entering cartoon worlds, notably in the Robert Stevenson-directed Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and Chuck Jones’ puntastic The Phantom Tollbooth.

Jerry and Gene dance off their worries in ‘Anchors Aweigh’ (1945).

Mary Poppins is one of the highest-rated live-action/animation hybrids on Letterboxd for good reason. Its sense of control in how it engages with its animated creations makes it—still!—an incredibly engaging watch. It is simply far less evil than the singin’, dancin’ glorification of slavery in Disney’s Song of the South (1946), and far more engaging than Victory Through Air Power (1943), a war-propaganda film about the benefits of long-range bombing in the fight against Hitler. The studio’s The Reluctant Dragon (1941) also serves a propagandistic function, as a behind-the-scenes studio tour made when the studio’s animators were striking.

By comparison, Mary Poppins’ excursions into the painted world—replicated in Rob Marshall’s belated, underrated 2018 sequel, Mary Poppins Returns—are full of magical whimsicality. “Films have added the gimmick of making animation and live characters interact countless times, but paradoxically none as pristine-looking as this creation,” writes Edgar in this review. “This is a visual landmark, a watershed… the effect of making everything float magically, to the detail of when a drawing should appear in front or the back of [Dick] Van Dyke is a creation beyond my comprehension.” (For Van Dyke, who played dual roles as Bert and Mr Dawes Senior, the experience sparked a lifelong love of animation and visual effects.)

Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke and penguins, in ‘Mary Poppins’ (1964).

Generally speaking, and the Mary Poppins sequel aside, more contemporary efforts seek to subvert this feeling of harmony and control, instead embracing the chaos of two worlds colliding, the cartoons there to shock rather than sing. Henry Selick’s frequently nightmarish James and the Giant Peach (1996) leans into this crossover as something uncanny and macabre by combining live action with stop motion, as its young protagonist eats his way into another world, meeting mechanical sharks and man-eating rhinos. Sally Jane Black describes it as “riding the Burton-esque wave of mid-’90s mall goth trends and blending with the differently demonic Dahl story”.

Science-classroom staple Osmosis Jones (2001) finds that within the human body, the internal organs serve as cities full of drawn white-blood-cell cops. The late Stephen Hillenburg’s The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004) turns its real-life humans into living cartoons themselves, particularly in a bonkers sequence featuring David Hasselhoff basically turning into a speedboat.

David Hasselhoff picks up speed in ‘The Spongebob Squarepants Movie’ (2004).

The absurdity behind the collision of the drawn and the real is never better embodied than in another of our highest-rated live/animated hybrids. Released in 1988, Robert Zemeckis’ Who Framed Roger Rabbit shows off a deep understanding—narratively and aesthetically—of the material that it’s parodying, seeking out the impeccable craftsmanship of legends such as director of animation Richard Williams (1993’s The Thief and the Cobbler), and his close collaborator Roy Naisbitt. The forced perspectives of Naisbitt’s mind-bending layouts provide much of the rocket fuel driving the film’s madcap cartoon opening.

Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures, Roger Rabbit utilizes the Disney stable of characters as well as the Looney Tunes cast to harken back to America’s golden age of animation. It continues a familiar scenario where the ’toons themselves are autonomous actors (as also seen in Friz Freleng’s 1940 short You Ought to Be in Pictures, in which Daffy Duck convinces Porky Pig to try his acting luck in the big studios).

Daffy Duck plots his rise up the acting ranks in ‘You Ought to Be in Pictures’ (1940).

Through this conceit, Zemeckis is able to celebrate the craft of animation, while pastiching both Chinatown, the noir genre, and the mercenary nature of the film industry (“the best part is… they work for peanuts!” a studio exec says of the cast of Fantasia). As Eddie Valiant, Bob Hoskins’ skepticism and disdain towards “toons” is a giant parody of Disney’s more traditional approach to matching humans and drawings.

Adult audiences are catered for with plenty of euphemistic humor and in-jokes about the history of the medium. It’s both hilarious (“they… dropped a piano on him,” one character solemnly notes of his son) and just the beginning of Hollywood toying with feature-length stories in which people co-exist with cartoons, rather than dipping in and out of fantasy sequences. It’s not just about how the cartoons appear on the screen, but how the human world reacts to them, and Zemeckis gets a lot of mileage out of applying ’toon lunacy to our world.

Bob Hoskins in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’ (1988).

The groundbreaking optical effects and compositing are excellent (and Hoskins’ amazing performance should also be credited for holding all of it together), but what makes Roger Rabbit such a hit is that sense of controlled chaos and a clever tonal weaving of violence and noirish seediness (“I’m not bad… I’m just drawn that way”) through the cartoony feel. And it is simply very, very funny.

It could be said that, with Roger Rabbit, Zemeckis unlocked the formula for how to modernize the live-action and animation hybrid, by leaning into a winking parody of what came before. It worked so perfectly well that it helped kickstart the ‘Disney renaissance' era of animation. Roger Rabbit has influenced every well-known live-action/animation hybrid produced since, proving that there is success and fun to be had by completely upending Mary Poppins-esque quirks. Even Disney’s delightful 2007 rom-com Enchanted makes comedy out of the idea of cartoons crossing that boundary.

When a cartoon character meets real-world obstacles.

Even when done well, though, hybrids are not an automatic hit. Sitting at a 2.8-star average, Joe Dante’s stealthily great Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) is considered by the righteous to be the superior live-action/animated Looney Tunes hybrid, harkening back to the world of Chuck Jones and Frank Tashlin. SilentDawn states that the film deserves the nostalgic reverence reserved for Space Jam: “From gag to gag, set piece to set piece, Back in Action is utterly bonkers in its logic-free plotting and the constant manipulation of busy frames.”

With its Tinseltown parody, Back in Action pulls from the same bag of tricks as Roger Rabbit; here, the Looney Tunes characters are famous, self-entitled actors. Dante cranks the meta comedy up to eleven, opening the film with Matthew Lillard being accosted by Shaggy for his performance in the aforementioned Scooby Doo movie (and early on throwing in backhanded jokes about the practice of films like itself as one character yells, “I was brought in to leverage your synergy!”).

Daffy Duck with more non-stop banter in ‘Looney Tunes: Back in Action’ (2003).

Back in Action is even more technically complex than Roger Rabbit, seamlessly bringing Looney Tunes physics and visual language into the real world. Don’t forget that Dante had been here before, when he had Anthony banish Ethel into a cartoon-populated television show in his segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie. Another key to this seamlessness is star Brendan Fraser, at the height of his powers here as “Brendan Fraser’s stunt double”.

Like Hoskins before him, Fraser brings a wholehearted commitment to playing the fed-up straight man amidst cartoon zaniness. Fraser also brought that dedication to Henry Selick's Monkeybone (2001), a Roger Rabbit-inspired sex comedy that deploys a combo of stop-motion animation and live acting in a premise amusingly close to that of 1992’s Cool World (but more on that cult anomaly shortly). A commercial flop, Back in Action was the last cinematic outing for the Looney Tunes for some time.

Nowadays, when we think of live-action animation, it’s hard not to jump straight to an image of Michael Jordan’s arm stretching to do a half-court dunk to save the Looney Tunes from slavery. There’s not a lot that can be fully rationalized about the 1996 box-office smash, Space Jam. It is a bewildering cartoon advert for Michael Jordan’s baseball career, dreamed up off the back of his basketball retirement, while also mashing together different American icons. Never forget that the soundtrack—one that, according to Benjamin, “makes you have to throw ass”—includes a song with B-Real, Coolio, Method Man and LL Cool J.

Michael Jordan and teammates in ‘Space Jam’ (1996).

Space Jam is a film inherently born to sell something, predicated on the existing success of a Nike commercial rather than any obvious passion for experimentation. But its pure strangeness, a growing nostalgia for the nineties, and meticulous compositing work from visual-effects supervisor Ed Jones and the film’s animation team (a number of whom also worked on both Roger Rabbit and Back in Action), have all kept it in the cultural memory.

The films is backwards, writes Jesse, in that it wants to distance itself from the very cartoons it leverages: “This really almost feels like a follow-up to Looney Tunes: Back in Action, rather than a predecessor, because it feels like someone watched the later movie, decided these Looney Tunes characters were a problem, and asked someone to make sure they were as secondary as possible.” That attempt to place all the agency in Jordan’s hands was a point of contention for Chuck Jones, the legendary Warner Bros cartoonist. He hated the film, stating that Bugs would never ask for help and would have dealt with the aliens in seven minutes.

Space Jam has its moments, however. Guy proclaims “there is nothing that Deadpool as a character will ever have to offer that isn’t done infinitely better by a good Bugs Bunny bit”. For some, its problems are a bit more straightforward, for others it’s a matter of safety in sport. But the overriding sentiments surrounding the film point to a sort of morbid fascination with the brazenness of its concept.

Holli Would (voiced by Kim Basinger) and Frank Harris (Brad Pitt) blur the lines in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Existing in the same demented… space… as Space Jam, Paramount Pictures bought the idea for Cool World from Ralph Bakshi as it sought to have its own Roger Rabbit. While Brad Pitt described it as “Roger Rabbit on acid” ahead of release, Cool World itself looks like a nightmare version of Toontown. The film was universally panned at the time, caught awkwardly between being far too adult for children but too lacking in any real substance for adults (there’s something of a connective thread between Jessica Rabbit, Lola Bunny and Holli Would).

Ralph Bakshi’s risqué and calamitously horny formal experiment builds on the animator’s fascination with the relationship between the medium and the human body. Of course, he would go from the immensely detailed rotoscoping of Fire and Ice (1983) to clashing hand-drawn characters with real ones, something he had already touched upon in the seventies with Heavy Traffic and Coonskin, whose animated characters were drawn into real locations. But no one besides Bakshi quite knew what to do with the perverse concept of Brad Pitt as a noir detective trying to stop Gabriel Byrne’s cartoonist from having sex with a character that he drew—an animated Kim Basinger.

Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne) attempts to cross over to Hollie Would in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Cool World’s awkwardness can be attributed to stilted interactions between Byrne, Pitt and the animated world, as well as studio meddling. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr (who was on the film due to his father running Paramount) demanded that the film be reworked into something PG-rated, against Bakshi’s wishes (he envisioned an R-rated horror), and the script was rewritten in secret. It went badly, so much so that Bakshi eventually punched Mancuso Jr in the face.

While Cool World averages two stars on Letterboxd, there are some enthusiastic holdouts. There are the people impressed by the insanity of it all, those who just love them a horny toon, and then there is Andrew, a five-star Cool World fan: “On the surface, it’s a Lovecraftian horror with Betty Boop as the villain, featuring a more impressive cityscape than Blade Runner and Dick Tracy combined, and multidimensional effects that make In the Mouth of Madness look like trash. The true star, however, proves to be the condensed surplus of unrelated gags clogging the arteries of the screen—in every corner is some of the silliest cel animation that will likely ever be created.”

There are even those who enjoy its “clear response to Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, with David writing that “the film presents a similar concept through the lens of the darkly comic, perverted world of the underground cartoonists”, though also noting that without Bakshi’s original script, the film is “a series of half steps and never really commits like it could”. Cool World feels both completely deranged and strangely low-energy, caught between different ideas as to how best to mix the two mediums. But it did give us a David Bowie jam.

‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ is in cinemas and on HBO Max now.

Craft is of course important, but generally speaking, maybe nowadays a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium’s history is the thing that makes successful live-action/animation hybrids click. It’s an idea that doesn’t lend itself to being too cool, or even entirely palatable. The trick is to be as fully dotty as Mary Poppins, or steer into the gaucheness of the concept, à la Roger Rabbit and Looney Tunes: Back in Action.

It’s quite a tightrope to walk between good meta-comedy and a parade of references to intellectual property. The winningest strategy is to weave the characters into the tapestry of the plot and let the gags grow from there, rather than hoping their very inclusion is its own reward. Wait, you said what is coming out this week?

Related content

Rootfish Jones’s list of cartoons people are horny for

The 100 Sequences that Shaped Animation: the companion list to the Vulture story

Jose Moreno’s list of every animated film made from 1888 to the present

Follow Kambole on Letterboxd

[bitchapalooza]

Here we go, my love letter to North Italy's and Germany's contrasting designs and how good they are!

Disclaimer: I only know the basics of character design. I am self taught and still learning so in no way is this a professional character designer review.

First of all, shape language

Circles, triangles, and rectangles/squares are fairly common shapes used in design. They are simple and appealing to not only children but everyone who loves consuming media! You can either have a main shape to your character or you can mix them all together and get a fun character soup!

A good example of a round character would be Vanellope von schweetz(Wreck It Ralph)—

She is a very energetic and happy character and this translates well into how her character was built. Without her fun clothes and color palette, you can easily tell Vanellope is an overall fun, childish character. 100% designed to be a marketable character might I add. Round shapes are also key to making cute characters btw!

A good pointy character would be Sideshow Bob(The Simpsons)—

Without seeing the knife behind his back, you can clearly tell Sideshow Bob has malicious intent. The pointy nose. Erratically styled hair. He also has a very long body made up of mostly rectangular tubes, which translates well into his calculated and logical personality.

A good boxy character I say would be Mr. Gar(Ok Ko: Let's Be Heroes)—

His purpose in the show was to be the property manager of Lakewood Plaza Turbo, and that means he has to display some amount of authority. In order to do that, he was designed with mostly rectangles and squares in mind. He does have a very intimidating exterior but he's also a huge dork.

Lastly, a pretty decent design that mixes basic shapes together is Fear(Inside Out)—

The emotion fear in general is a very mixed up thing to begin with. It's scary. Anxiety plays a messy part in it. Depression too. It makes sense for Fear to be all over the place visually. I suggest looking more into Inside Out's production process. They do a pretty good job with the final emotions' designs and their concept art is also very interesting to look at! I honestly kept it in mind while developing one of my own art styles and it helped me use shapes to my advantage.

As for silhouettes, give your character defining traits. North Italy's hair diddly-doo is good trait. Just something to make the character stick out when they are blocked out in black.

Color language.

Color is also a very important thing for design. However, as Hetalia is based purely on stereotypes, this really isn't applied here on a deep level as it is in normal character design. Let's compare two characters with a similar vibe, shall we?

In the past and in fandom, Russia is typically associated with malicious energy. However, he is most associated, in canon, with many neutral tones—

I see this as intentional on Himaruya's and the colorists/color stylists part. One, it fits his character very well. Two, it deviates away from Russia's disturbing attitude and intimidating appearance. It makes him look softer compared to the things he says. Makes him someone you would willingly want to hug on the streets of all places.

But Maleficent—

Was deliberately designed with purples, greens, reds, and blacks in order to sell that she was evil. If she were to dress any other way, say a hipster with mostly black or red, she would be more like Mother Gothel, basically a villain in plain sight much like how Russia is portrayed in at least the old fandom. Back to Maleficent, her pallet is all villain. She is the BEST example of what an obvious villain is and its thanks to Marc Davis(even if Sleeping Beauty (1959) was a flop). She's probably my favorite villain because her design works so well for her role.

Now onto the main event...

As you can see here, these are Germany and Italy's basic shapes. They translate very well into what their personalities are. I have to say, my favorite part of Germany would have to be his tightly slicked back hair. It really tells the viewer he's a serious guy. Whereas Italy's is loose and bouncy, which also translates pretty well into his character but not as obvious. Again, we can't say much about their color language as yellow means positivity and energy(think Spongebob Squarepants) and that isn't exactly Germany whatsoever.

Their contrasting designs work really well when both characters are put side by side—

You can clearly tell their personalities apart just from one glance. Germany is very neat and straightforward. North Italy has this sort of spontaneous air to him. It also works pretty well with the mixed history real life Germany and Italy have— at least it does to me anyway.

I still don't hold North Italy's design to high praise, neither Germany's, but at least to this extent they're my favorite designs. They're pretty much the embodiment of unlikely friendship and opposites attract and I love it so much!

[armorabs]

i feel like a lot of people care way more about the continuity of spongebob squarepants as a franchise than literally anyone working on it ever has or ever will;

i’m certainly no stranger to reading too deeply into every single episode but i do that for fun, for my own entertainment, and otherwise keep in mind the fact it’s a non-continuity gag cartoon. i don’t try to hold the show to my own standards of continuity unless they’re actively going out of their way to write a story that is mean-spirited, harmful, or negative in a way many other episodes with similar contents do not - (we all know what i’m alluding to here i need not clarify)

but ultimately, spongebob is not meant to be viewed the same way one would view a story-driven or serialized series with a narrative like many recent cartoons out there are written to be. 

even if you disregard the multiverse theory  - the notion that there is a different timeline for every action you could possibly take, and every choice you or another person does or does not make - in the context of the show, and in general (see wikipedia) it’s clear that there isn’t a single continuous timeline that all episodes exist in. not given the contents of the franchise, or the way it has always been written from the very beginning.

the spongebob movie was always meant to be the finale to franchise but honestly,  i don’t think it still holds true in any capacity that matters, and given the nature of the series as a whole i don’t think it should outside of the contents of the film because spongebob just isn’t that kind of franchise - with thirteen seasons, three movies, a comic series, books, a plethora of games and more, the contents simply do not fit neatly into one cohesive timeline no matter how hard you try to force the puzzle pieces together. even if you only acknowledge the existence of the first three seasons and the first movie, it is simply not something that adheres to a continuity neatly enough to be one timeline.

thats not even getting into the greenlit spinoffs or nicks supposed decision to turn it into a cinematic universe like the mcu though honestly it’s inherently more comparable to the concept of marvel’s multiverse than the mcu specifically, but i’m a comic book nerd and i have strong opinions about the treatment of comics and their properties, and i bet i know more about it than nick execs do

(this is also neglecting to mention the spongebob musical, approved by stephen hillenberg, that exists and was based on the original three seasons and first movie but is written in such a way it does not narratively work as a continuation of the original work and is inherently its own continuity with its own rules)

you are meant to approach spongebob as a series, and each episode, less like a continuity-driven story - and more like looney tunes shorts.

not every decision is made in the context of what makes sense in the context of another episode, or what is accurate to reality, or what fits the continuity. every decision is made to be visually interesting or clear in how it conveys jokes and a story. but not every decision is compatible with similar decisions made in another episode - but they usually have to make sense within the context of the episode itself, or what is necessary for a certain joke or story, if not the series as a whole.

of course, no matter the story or jokes, every character more or less sticks to a specific guideline of their characterization even if some writers and boarders may bend or twist or exaggerate their existing traits for a joke... because it’s not a serious show, it’s a gag cartoon. things are done a certain way, for a specific purpose, the same way it’s done for a looney tunes cartoon. you know how elmer fudd hunts rabbits so that he can butt heads with bugs, right? you wouldn’t question that too deeply. it’s how it is set up to make sense within the context of the short. the same logic applies to so much in sb.

and trying to apply to a single-timeline continuity to spongebob as a franchise, taking it seriously, and taking word of god too seriously, in the context of a series like this is just... kind of laughable, i guess

theres points to be made about the difference of bringing up events in an episode to suggest a specific reading of a character or dynamic, and trying to remain faithful to a series that has never had a commitment to continuity and simply does not exist on one, singular continuous timeline no matter how you look at it, but that would make this longer than it already is and really doesnt need to be imho

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

okay for real, top 10 video game monster designd

okay so this will be a mix of games i have played/seen and also range in age and quality. This also got long oh my god im sorry, i pulled up my xbox achievements to refresh and I got nostalgic. There are better designs out there but this was on my brain.

1. Gravemind/ The Flood - scared the shit out of me and they’re super gross and vaguely unknowable. Also the gross level I showed you from Halo 3 was the bane of my existence. The thing speaks in trochaic heptameter and says raw ass lines like “I AM A MONUMENT TO ALL YOUR SINS”

2. Jeff from HL:A no spoilers but enemies like that stress me out and he is well executed and designed. A gross dude. I have not played but have watched 2 full playthroughs.

3. All the funky lil dudes from Voodoo Vince for the original Xbox. Fucked up weird ass game that has a charming art style and a lot of platforming. The Imps, bubba gators, and Gingerdeadmen stick out.

4. The sleepytime robots from Battle for Bikini Bottom, stealth based stress plus loud warning noise. My brother and I hated the Rock Bottom level but this game and its music are ingrained in our DNA now.

5. Cacodemon. good round design and I love the evolution over the years. Glory killing the bastards as I figure out Doom Eternal is rewarding.

6. Elites/ Sangheili - yes another halo enemy. But the design is cool and different from regular space marine shooters. The entire culture and structure of the covenant is interesting and way too much lore is involved but the Elites were always so cool to me, compared to the Brutes/Jiralhanae, which are just a bunch of angry gorilla men. And I mean the Arbiter is right there y’all. They also have energy swords.

7. Striders! I’m remembering all the weird biotech synth enemies from Half Life but Striders are terrifying. Flesh and Machine and horrible calls signalling open fire. The tripod war of the worlds thing going on. The Combine scared me playing the games when they first came out because they were so mysterious and unexplained, were they still people or machine and the alien-ness was scary. I’m not scared of Hunters anymore because you can murder them with their own flechettes pretty easily once you get it down.

8. Fallout - Deathclaws. Okay yeah big scary dino, mutated chameleon thing, but these things are fast and tough and the fucking quarry in New Vegas? Leaving Goodsprings and trying to apply Elder Scrolls “I can probably outrun this” logic DOES NOT WORK. They are a great monster, they lumber, they roar, and they will get you. You see one before it sees you and you might have a head start.

9. I might be one of 3 people on this site to play them but Shadow of Mordor/ Shadow of War is fun. Yes it is basically a lotr fanfic game, but the nemesis system is fucking amazing I do not care what people said. Yes its a batman/ass creed clone. SO? I have fun killing orcs! WELL DESIGNED, LOVINGLY GENERATED ORCS. They have personalities and a history with the player character and a set of revolving traits. Also Carnan is fun. Caragors and Graugs, fuck ghuls, but fun design is a lotr homage playground. I wish something else was coming from this studio. If you’re out there Tumhorn Life Drinker I’m not dying again you bastard.

and finally

10. Okay so lore time for this blog. Poison Headcrab zombies are the worst. Great design, scary as fuck, fucked up noises, and really dangerous in close quarters. Headcrabs in general are great designs, i see u facehugger 2.0. Also enemy that jumps at face? awful! more please! anyways, Poison headcrab zombies.

There’s a couple in Ravenholm and a few in abandoned houses on the coast and in the hospital. I hate the noises they make. I used to replay the Orange Box up to Ravenholm and stop back when i was a kid. During my replay this year, my brother was helping me finally do the lambda cache achievement. Whenever we heard one of the zombies call we’d reenact that scene from spongebob where he’d turn around and yell ‘It sounds like someone’s trying to SELL ME SOMETHING!” and so we called them salesmen. “Uh oh, there’s a salesman up ahead, did you hear that?” This whole blog is a terrible inside joke of a spongebob reference used during a half life 2 play-through. You are now cursed with knowledge! Thanks for putting up with me!

[dynamicduoau]

Episode 1: The Piolet

Summary: After being sent to the middle of nowhere for their winter break, Virgil Sanders finds a mysterious journal in the woods.  This isn't the only problem as his brother, Patton, might be going a little boy crazy.

Words: 6955

Relationships: Platonic Moxiety, one-sided Logicality

Notes: Find original story here https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170951/chapters/47790076.  

Snow covered the ground as Virgil Sanders looked out the window.  Snowflakes fell from the sky and landed onto the ground in a thick sheet of snow.  It was cold in the old bus.

Honestly, the things should have been scrapped years ago.  His was doing nothing for his anxiety.  The roads were frozen here in Oregon, the bus could slip at any moment and kill them all.  Though he preferred this to flying.  They had been in the air just a couple of hours ago and Virgil had been freaking out.

A bubbly boy that look nearly identical to him kicked his legs back and forth in his seat.  Patton Sanders was Virgil's identical twin brother.  The boy pushed back a brown curl from his forehead as he turned to Virgil.

“What do you think Uncle Emile is like?” Patton asked.

“A serial killer,” Virgil stated, dead serious.

Patton frowned at him and gave him a stern look, “Virgil.”

“We could only be so lucky,” Virgil sighed.  “We met him when we were two, Pop Star.  From what I can remember, which isn’t much, he spent most of his time watching SpongeBob with us.”

The twins might be identical, but you could tell them apart quiet easily.

Virgil had straight hair that covered one eye.  The color was a mix of both brown and purple.  He was paler and looked even more pale with the black eyeshadow that was applied under his eyes.  Virgil tended to wear the same thing every day: a pair of ripped black jeans with dark purple tights underneath, a black T-shirt, his large purple and black flannel patched work jacket, and black and purple combat boots with purple socks peeking out.

Patton had curly brown hair with a single ringlet hanging perfectly on his forehead.  He had light peach colored skin.  A pair of black glasses were perched on his nose.  He wore a light blue shirt with a large white heart in the center.  Long white sleeves went down his arms, but he tended to change the color each day.  His cat hoodie was tied around his shoulders instead of on him.  He wore a pair of light beige skinny jeans with converse that were the same color as his shirt.  His white socks pecked out the tops of his shoes.

They both shared many similarities, though.  They had the same brown eyes.  Both had a splash of freckles covering their cheeks and nose.  Both had the same face shape.  Their hair was the same shade of brown.  They even had the same mole on their left cheek.

“This is our very first trip away from mom and dad,” Patton slapped his hands on both of his cheeks.  “They’re on the other side of the country.  All the way in Florida!”

“And only one call away.  We should just call them now and go home,” Virgil grabbed the phone from his jacket pocket.

It was snagged from his hand and held away from him, “Bro, this is the purrfect opportunity to show them we are cat-able of taking care of ourselves.  Besides, do you really want to get on a plane again?”

Virgil sighed, and placed his hands on his lap.  He did have a point though.  Planes were the worst.

They passed a sign that said now entering Gravity Falls.

“I’m so excited!” the older twin squealed.

Virgil just zipped up his hoodie and grabbed his backpack.  He only had that and a suitcase.  Patton was the one who was carrying about ten different things with him.

The bus soon stopped, and the driver screeched at them, “Gravity Falls!”

The emo twin ran off, he hated that driver.  Patton on the other hand smiled and told the driver goodbye before stepping of the bus.  It did a U-turn and left the twins in the cold snow.

The town had a strange feeling here.  Something that was foreign but comforting.  Virgil shivered in his spot from the cold weather.  He was spending his winter break in the middle of nowhere.

“Where is he?” Virgil looked around for their uncle.

Emile Sanders ran a museum in the middle of the forest that surrounded Gravity Falls.

“Maybe he got held up in traffic,” Patton suggested.

That was unlikely.  There were no cars in sight, and the heavy snow falling down made sure that no one would be driving today.

A car pulled up to them.  He could hardly see the red paint with all the stickers that covered it.

The window was pulled slightly while someone began to sing Da Dadadada Dum song from SpongeBob.  Once they finished they were out of breath, but they could finally see the person.

He had blond curly hair.  His hazel eyes were framed with a pair of brown glasses.  He was wearing a white dress shirt with a pink tie.  On top of that was a brown cardigan, and on top of that was a white coat.

"You're Patton and Virgil, right?” he asked.

Virgil had moved behind his brother, peeking from behind the luggage.  Virgil wasn’t a people person.  It was Patton’s job to do the socializing.

“That’s us!  I love your car!” Patton smiled as he looked at the colorful stickers.

“Thank you,” Emile said as he got out of the car to help the twins place their things in the back.

Now that he was out Virgil could see him better.  He was about 5'10''.  The man wore a pair of regular jeans and brown loafers.

"Hi, well I'm you're Uncle Emile, but you can just call me Emile," he said.

Virgil waved, but kept himself behind his brother.

“My Dark Strange Son is shy,” Patton stated.  “But it’s okay, because I talk enough for the both of us.”

Their uncle smiled at him, “Are you two a pair?  Aren’t you cold?”

“Nope,” Patton replied.  “It’s nice here.  There’s not a snowball chance of it snowing in Florida.”

Emile got into his seat and turned the key.

“I work at the Mystery Museum which is also my home," Emile told them.  "You two will be living there too while you're in Gravity Falls."

“Mystery?” Virgil asked, perking up.

The man nodded, “It belonged to friend of mine.  I’m just running it until they come back.”

Virgil always loved mysteries.  He’d stays up all night to watch conspiracies online.  He' loved it.

Soon they were at large building.  The front read Mystery Museum, though the second M looked like it was about to fall off.  Virgil was quick to grab his stuff from the trunk and make his way inside the museum.  Patton was a few feet behind him.

“Thomas!” Emile called out through the building.  “My nephews are here!”

Soon enough, a teen appeared from the back room.  He had a slightly lighter shade of hair then theirs but had the same brown eyes.  He wore a shirt that looked a lot like Steven Universe’s shirt along with a black and white jacket.  He wore a pair of black skinny jeans with a pair of fuzzy looking snow boots.

“Thomas is my cousin,” Emile replied.

“Hi,” Thomas waved.  “Patton and Virgil?”

Virgil was back to being behind his brother.  He didn’t like the multiple eyes on him.  He really just wanted to get to his room.

“I’m Patton,” Patton stated.  “And he’s Virgil.”

Virgil’s eyes scanned the room around him.  There were statues of creatures like werewolves, vampires, zombies, etc.  He wondered if any of them were real or not.  He wanted to ask questions, to see what his uncle knew, but that feeling inside of him wouldn’t let him talk.

Luckily, his brother asked the question that Virgil really wanted to ask.

“So, is this all real?” Patton asked as he looked at the statues.

Emile shook his head, “No.”

Virgil deflated a bit.  It would be awesome if at least one thing was real.

Thomas must have noticed because he was quick to say, “There are a lot of strange rumors around here that seem pretty paranormal to me.”

“Those are just rumors,” Emile sighed.  “As fake as Robo-Krabs.”

Virgil looked back down at his feet.

Patton gave his hand a small squeeze before turning back to the older two.

“Hey,” Patton started.  “Why did the old man fall in the well?”

Thomas shrugged.

“He couldn’t see that well,” Patton finished, grinning like a maniac.

He laughed at that, and so did Emile.  Virgil even gave an awkward chuckle.  He knew just how to cheer him up.

Patton started up a conversation with Thomas.  Talking was always easy for Patton.  All the friends that Virgil had back home were friends with Patton.  

“So if your Emile’s cousin,” Patton placed a hand on his chin.  “And we're Emile’s nephews.  What does that make us?”

Thomas thought for a second, “I think you’re my first cousin once removed.”

Patton grabbed the hood of his hoodie placed it over his head, “PAWsome!”

Thomas looked at him grinning, “Cat believe you just said that!”

It was then that the great cat pun epidemic of 2019 began.

Virgil started to feel a little bit more uncomfortable.  While his brother continued to make puns, he felt himself being excluded from the conversation.  Virgil wished that he could talk, but something with in him stopped him from saying anything.  What if he said the wrong thing?

After ten minutes of cat puns being thrown around, Emile took them up to their knew room.  The only one that was free was the attic, so they were both sharing a room.  It didn't really mattered since they've always shared a room.

There were two beds already up here and a table in between them.  Behind the table was a bay window with a triangle pattern.  A closet was on one side, and a dresser was on the other.

Virgil took the left and Patton took the right of the attic.  He got the dresser and Patton got the closet.

The emo began place large band shirts, purple tights, purple socks, and ripped jeans in the dresser.  He set a stack of books in one corner and his artist set in the other.  Then he began to place band posters up on the wall.

“I forgot my tape at home,” Patton said.  “Can I borrow yours when you finish?  I won’t tell anyone, my lips are sealed.”

“Yeah,” Virgil snorted as he put up another Evanesce poster.

“Woah!”

There was the sound of slipping, but a crash never came.  Virgil had turned, hands coming out, stopping his brother from falling even though they were five feet apart.  Hair had moved away from his covered eye revealing a purple glowing eye.  His brother was about three inches from falling face first onto the floor.

“Thanks Virgil,” Patton said sheepishly.  “I- “

His face connected with the floor before he could do anything.

“Sorry,” Virgil got off his new bed and went to his brother.  “I thought I could hold it for longer.”

Patton got on his elbows and blinked a few times, “It’s fine.  Would have hurt a lot more if you didn't stop me.”

Virgil didn’t know how he got them.  They’ve always been there.  He’s always possessed these powers.  Telepathy, telekinesis, and time stopping.  Though he barely used them because he didn’t know how to use them.  Every time he used them it was a spur of the moment.  They sort of just happened.

Telepathy was the only power he could use constantly.  That was the problem though, because he couldn’t stop using it.  That’s why he used his bangs to cover his eye.

His purple eye possessed the powers.  His brown eye was normal.

Virgil slipped his hands under his brother pulling him up from the ground.

“I need to try and keep that on the down low,” Virgil mumbled.  “They’ll just tell mom and dad, and that will just make everything worse.”

“Or they will help you.  The museum is filled with supernatural things,” Patton countered.

“It’s all fake,” Virgil replied.

He wasn’t going to risk it.  He was never going to risk it.  The only one that knew about his powers was Patton.

They never really were able to hide anything from each other.

_________

It was the next day.  Virgil was sitting on a counter at the gift shop, reading a hard-cover book.  Patton was staring from behind the counter at a boy that was in there with them.

He looked to be about the twin's age, maybe a little older.  He seemed to be prepared for the winter weather outside with his brown trench coat.  It was opened revealing a blue sweater vest and black polo.  He wore jeans that were pretty faded and a pair of snow boots.  His black hair was slicked back with hair gel.  The boy's blue eyes were framed in a pair of black glasses.

“Thomas,” Patton whispered.  “Who is that?”

The teen looked up from the register, “Oh, that's Logan Crofters.  He lives in the woods with his parents.  He comes in every day for his daily human interaction.”

Virgil didn’t even look up from his book, “Pop Star, you’re in boarder-line stalker mode.”

The boy walked up to them, “Salutations, Thomas,” his head cocked to the side at Virgil.  “I have not seen you before.  I am Logan Crofters.”

When Patton didn’t make a response, Virgil mumbled out, “Virgil.  My brother and me are new here.”

The boy squinted his eyes like that would help him hear Virgil better.

Thomas saved him, “They’re Emile’s nephews.  And technically, mine too, I research it last night.  They're spending their winter break here.”

Logan nodded, “Where is the other one?”

“Being gay behind the counter,” Virgil whispered, so that only Patton could heat him.

There was a gasp and Patton shot up hitting his brother in the back of the head.  He was quick to turn around to the boy.

“Hi, I’m Patton,” the bubbly twin smiled as the emo one rubbed the back of his head.

He looked at Patton with a cocked head.  He then looked away immediately when he saw the book in Virgil’s hands.  Interest shown in Logan's eyes.  In the corner of his eye, Virgil saw his brother deflate.

“What novel are you reading?” he asked.

“A Tale of Two Cities,” he mumbled, hoping to someone that the boy will focus on anything else other than him.

Logan nodded, “A great read.  I read it last summer.”

Patton seemed to like Logan.  Probably, forming a small crush on the boy.  Virgil tried to find a way out of the conversation.

His prayers were answered when Emile walked through the gift shop door, “I need someone to hang up these signs in the forest.”

“I’ll do it!” Virgil replied, jumping up and grabbing the stuff from his uncle.  His book, now forgotten, sat on the counter.

He pulled his gloves out of his pocket pulling them on.  He zipped his jacket up, tightening it around him and pulled his hood up.  After that, he went out into the cold.

It was no longer snowing outside, but there was a pretty deep layer of snow on the ground.  It didn’t go above his boots.  This is why he wore tights and socks.  Though back in Florida he was sweat all day long for his fashion choices.  He trudged through and made it to the first tree, nailing the sign to it.  Each footstep crunched into the snow.  When he had gotten to the next tree, he nailed in another sign.

He had gotten about halfway down with the signs, when he muttered, “Why is it so cold?”

It was never this cold in Florida.

He sighed as he began to tap in another nail, but a hollow metal noise echoed through the woods.  Virgil looked at the tree and tapped it again with the hammer.  It gave another hollow echo.  Virgil dropped the signs and tighten his grip on the hammer in his hands.  If something popped out, he’d just throw it whatever was attacking him.  The fake tree was cold as he dragged a gloved hand along the surface.  Dust rubbed onto his glove.  He found an unnatural line and pulled at it.

It squeaked as it fought to stay closed, but Virgil managed to open the door.  Cobwebs stretched and spiders crawled out.  A good thing Patton wasn’t here right now.  Inside was some sort of machine.  He tightened his grip on the hammer as he flipped the two little switches.  The first on did nothing, but when he hit the second on, he heard another noise from behind him.  He tightened his grip on the hammer and turned.

There was a hole.

He walked over; it was now filled with snow.  He pushed his hand into the snow, searching and hoping there wasn’t a murder ready to pull him in.  His hand brushed against something and it moved.  Virgil was quick to dig it out.

A book was in his hand.  Virgil brushed away the snow revealing to reveal the cover.  It was a maroon color with a golden figure on the front.  If he had to guess, Virgil would say that it was a coffee mug.  In the center that was a 3.  He opened it up to the first page.  It had a note stuck to it and it read Property of, but the name had been ripped off.  Virgil felt a little frustrated at that.  Who would try to hide their book?  Could it hold secret that were too great to know?  Was it written by an alien?  Could it be a bomb?

He moved an eyeglass before reading, “It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls.”

Virgil smiled at this.  As he flipped through the pages, he felt his heartbeat pick up.  Pictures of gnomes, gargoyles, creatures of the night, sightings, and evidence was drawn and written into the pages.  Each was excellently recorded.  Beautiful drawings were on each page.  All of them done in ink.

He flipped to another page before being to read again, “Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed.  I’m being watched!”

Virgil found himself looking around the forest.  His anxiety might be getting the best of him right now.

“I must hide this book before he finds it,” Virgil felt himself begin to sweat even though it was extremely cold.  “Remember: In Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.”

To his right a twig snapped.  He shut the book and held it to his chest, beginning to back up.  A small growl came from within the woods and he took off back to the museum.

The book was pulled to his chest.  He tightened his grip on it as he ran through the woods.  Once he was in the yard he stopped and began to puff.  White breath filled the air.  He turned around, looking at the woods.  It looked like whatever it was didn’t follow him.

“Hello!” a voice yelled behind him.

Virgil jumped turning, just seeing Patton.

“Oh hi,” he breathed out.

Patton squinted his eyes, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

Suddenly his twin’s eyes were on the book, “What’s that?”

“Um…” Virgil looked around.  “Let’s take this inside.”

Virgil made sure that no one was in the living room except Patton and him.  He sat down on the coffee table skimming through the book.

“It says that all of these creatures live here in Gravity Falls,” Virgil said, excitement filled his voice as he showed Patton the journal’s pages.  “Whatever Emile said about the rumors being fake, he was wrong.”

Virgil has always loved the unknown since a young age.  He found that he could relate to it.  Having these unnatural abilities that he’s had to keep hidden for his whole life.  Virgil felt that he wasn’t that weird.

“It looks like whoever it was just stopped,” Virgil looked through.  “Like something happened to him.”

Patton grinned, “That’s awesome!  I mean the supernatural thing, not the author going missing.”

He heard the doorbell ring and he tilted his head to the side, “Who’s that?”

Patton smiled, “That’s my date.”

Virgil blinked, “You asked out that Logan dude.”

“No,” Patton frowned for a second, before smiling again, “This other guy came in later after Logan left.  We talked and he asked me out.”

With that Patton left to get the door, leaving Virgil to read the book.

“What’s that?” Emile appeared in the door, drinking a soda.

He didn’t want to show him yet.  What if he took it?

Quickly, he placed the book behind a pillow and grabbed a stack of papers that were stapled together.

“Um…the entire script to Steven Universe,” Virgil mumbled, trying to keep his face from flushing too much.

“Oh, that’s where I put it,” his uncle smiled to himself as he took a sip of his soda.

“Family, this is Norman!” Patton appeared with a teenager.

Virgil didn’t like him one bit from the sight of him.  First, he looked like a plainer version of Virgil, with the brown hair over eye, pale skin, and black hoodie.  He had a twig stuck in his hood and there were many dirty stains covering him.  Though what really set Virgil off was the mysterious red stain on his cheek.

"Sup," the teen waved at them.

Virgil squinted, his anxiety melted into suspicion, “Hi.”

Emile gave a smile, “Hey.”

“Is that blood, Norman?” Virgil pointed to his cheek.

“It’s…JAM!” his voice was gravelly and forced.

Virgil didn’t trust this guy for a second.  Patton could be too trusting sometimes.  It was Virgil’s job to make sure that he didn’t end up with someone that could hurt him.  He wanted to get a reading on the guy, but he’d have to uncover his hair for that.  Patton would tell and get upset.  He’d have to wait.

“I love jam!” he grabbed the man’s arm, squeezing it.  “Got some muscle there…that’s nice.”

Emile smiled at them, “They’re such a cute fusion.”

Virgil glared at the teen as he left.  There was something off about him, something that Virgil didn’t like at all.  He needed to find out.

So, he went to the attic and read through the pages.

He stared at one page.

“None for their pale skin and bad attitude, these creatures are often mistaken for teenager!” his eyes widened.  “Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious…zombie!”

He turned to see his brother and Norman.  He grabbed one of the headbands on the table and pushed back his bangs.  He opened the window to get a clearer reading.

He focused on the man.

Mine all mine.

Pretty.  Pretty.

Want to hold.

Never let go.

AAAHHH!

He fell to the ground with a large thump.

That voice in your head is always at the same volume.  It was that all those voices were going off at once that scarred him.  Why were there so many?  Did zombie’s have multiple voices in their head?

He ripped the band off his hair and got back up.

“What happened?” Thomas asked as he ran in.  “I heard something fall.”

“It was my shirt,” Virgil replied in a whisper, he doubted he even knew what he was talking about

Thomas only smiled at that, “Sound heavier than a shirt.”

“I was in it,” he replied, a slight grin formed on his face.

Should he ask Thomas for help?  He seemed like a cool guy and he seemed to believe in the paranormal.  It probably wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Can I get your opinion on something?” he mumbled.

Thomas nodded, moving to the bay window and sat next to him.

“Would it be crazy if I thought Patton's new boyfriend was a zombie?” he mumbled.

Now it was out in the open.  Thomas probably thought he was crazy now.

Thomas shook his head, “Honestly, that would not be the craziest thing I’ve seen in this town.  Like I’m pretty sure that the mailman is a werewolf.  But you need evidence, or else everyone will just think you’re crazy.  And if you really think that guy your brother is dating is a zombie, do what you can to protect him.”

“Thanks Thomas,” Virgil nodded.

The older boy ruffed his hair before leaving the attic.

Virgil looked around before grabbing his phone and the journal.  He placed the book in an inner pocket of his hoodie and his phone in his front pocket.  He looked around for anything that he could use as a weapon, only to come out short-handed.  In the end, Virgil hoped that he could use his powers if needed.

He spent the day following his brother and his new boyfriend.  The man showed many signs of being the undead.  For example, instead of using a doorknob he punched the window out and opened the door from the other side.  He also, got hit by a swing showing no sign of physical pain and had a very late delayed response to the pain.  And he fell into a grave and crawled out of the dirty.

That was all it took to set Virgil over the edge.

So, Virgil sat waiting for Patton in their room.

When the boy finally returned Virgil was hugging the journal to his chest, “Patton."

His brother removed his heart shirt and white undershirt grabbing a dark blue undershirt and putting the heart shirt back on.  He turned towards Virgil and the younger twin screamed when he saw the giant red welt on his cheek.

“Did you see the smooch mark Norman gave me?” he grabbed his cat hoodie and tied it around his shoulders.  “Nay, it was just an accident with the leaf blower.”

“I need to talk about Norman,” Virgil looked up.

“Isn’t he the best?” Patton began brushing his hair.

“I don’t think he’s what he thinks he is,” Virgil replied.  “I saw that he was acting weird and videoed him doing some creepy stuff.”

Patton turned, “You were stalking him?”

“No, I think he’s a zombie," Virgil showed his brother the page.  “The groaning, the pale skin, he never blinks!”

“Son, you match all of those things too, and maybe he's blinking when you're blinking,” Patton replied.  “Now I have a date.”

Virgil shook his head, “Patton, I read his thoughts.  They’re all jumbled and multiple thoughts that no human can have.  I don’t trust him.”

Patton frowned, “I thought you were keeping you’re powers on the down low.  Can you trust me at least?”

“You know I trust you,” Virgil replied.  “I’m trying to protect you.  Norman is bad news.”

“I don’t need your protection, Virgil!  Stop getting in the middle of everything!  Now I’m going on my date with Norman and that the end of the story!” with that Patton left.

Patton never yelled at him.  What did Virgil do wrong?  He must have done something to make his only brother yell at him.  Tears formed in his eyes.

Virgil placed a hand on his face and felt tears pouring down his face, ruining the eyeshadow he was wearing.  With that he walked over to the bed and curled up.  The journal was pushed into his chest.

He curled up in on himself when he felt a breeze fill the room.

“I’m just being stupid,” he mumbled.

He looked as his phone at the videos.

“I have no real proof.”

Suddenly, he blinked rewinding the video.  It was Norman and Patton looking off at a pretty view. His hand was wrapped around Patton’s shoulders.  Suddenly, Norman’s hand fell off and he tried to cover it up.  He looked around before placing his hand back where it belonged.

“Patton!” Virgil screamed, throwing his phone onto the bed and running.

His brother was already gone.  He went running outside.  He didn’t know where Emile was.  More tears fell down his face.  He placed the journal in his jacket pocket.

He used the sleeves to wipe away his tears, though that probably made his eye shadow worse.

Find Patton.

His brother was in danger and he couldn’t just stand he and cry.

He found Thomas at the golf cart.  The teen was stepping out, holding the keys in his hand.

“Thomas, I need the golf cart keys to save my brother from a zombie,” Virgil stated.

The man smiled before throwing him the keys, “Don’t hit any pedestrians.  Wait!”

Before he could leave the man grabbed a shovel and gave it to him, “This is for the zombie.”

“Thanks,” Virgil reverse and went into the woods in search of his brother.

_________

Patton smiled as he and Norman walked through the woods.  He was his first boyfriend.  Norman was kind and sweet.  He didn’t even care that Patton was only twelve years old.

“Patton,” the man sighed.  “I need to tell you something.”

Patton placed a hand on the man’s shoulder, “You can tell me anything.”

He tried to forget about earlier.  His little twin was trying to protect him.  He didn’t need protecting though.  But Virgil’s always been there for him.  Virgil was scared of people, but if he saw his brother getting hurt, he’d get up and stand up for him.

His mind went to earlier, though. The fact that Logan didn’t show any interest in him and rather talked to his brother.  It was stupid because he didn’t even know the guy.  He got a date with another cute guy that walked into the museum.  Then when Virgil had mentioned his suspicions, Patton lost it.  In his mind, he saw his brother keeping him away from two guys that he liked.  Then he went and took his anger out on his little brother.  He needed to apologies.  Patton made a vow to himself that he would next time he saw Virgil he's apologize.

“Just don’t freak out,” slowly Norman unzipped his jacket.

There were five tiny men.  The one on top looked to be the youngest as he pushed his hair back behind him.  Patton stared at the little men.

“Is this weird?” the top one asked.  “Okay, I’m Jeff, this is Carson, Steve, Jason, and … sorry I forgot your name.”

“Shebulock!” the last one yelled.

“Shebulock,” he smiled.  “Anyway, we’ve been looking for a queen for a while…most of the girls here are…well, self-absorbed.  Then you come in, you’re sweet, kind, and big enough to scare off predators.  So?”

The gnomes knelt down on one knee and pulled out a ring, “Patton, will you join us in holy matrignomey…matrimony…can’t talk today.”

Patton shook his head, “I’m sorry, Jeff, but I can’t.  I’m a human and you are gnomes and it’ll be like what.”

Jeff nodded, “We understand.  We’ll never going to forget you.  Because we’re going to kidnap you.”

“What!” suddenly Jeff launched himself at Patton’s face.

They surrounded him trying to get their hands on the boy.  Patton continued to fight them off.  Kicking at the swarm.

He screamed.

Why didn’t he listen to Virgil?

Virgil…his little brother was probably crying in his room.  He needed to get to him.  Find him and make sure he was okay.  Virgil would take something think that to heart.

He was so lost in his thoughts, that he needed notice what the gnomes were planning.

Suddenly, the gnomes managed to knock him down and they began to tie him to the ground.

“What the fuck is going on here?!”

A shovel was pointed at Jeff as a very pissed off Virgil appeared behind him.  His one visible eye glared at them.

“Hey, your brother isn’t in any danger,” Jeff smiled.  “He’s just going to marry all 1000 of us and live with us for all eternity.”

“Nope, not going to happen,” Virgil glared.

Patton knew that look.  It was look that Virgil got whenever kids bullied Patton for not being smart.  It never ended well for the receiving end.

“You think you can stop us boy,” Jeff glared.  “The gnomes are a powerful- “

Virgil wacked the gnome away before cutting his brother free with the shovel.

Patton pushed his way away from them and ran to his brother.  He grabbed his extended hand and went to the golf cart.  After the two were strapped in Virgil booked it.

“Are they following us?” Virgil asked.

“With their little legs?” Patton raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, stomping was heard so Patton turned to see them all joined together into what looked like a giant gnome.  Jeff was at the top of it, controlling the whole creature.

“Um…what do we do if they become Voltron?” Patton asked.

“What?” Virgil turned behind him.  “FUCK!  Patton grab the Journal and see if there is any way to stop them!”

He grabbed the journal from his brothers jacket and flipped through it until he got to the page, “Weakness: Unknown.  Come on!”

Knowing the book wouldn't be any help he put it back in his brother's pocket.

“Come back with our Queen!” Jeff yelled.

Suddenly, he launched a group of gnomes at them.  They grabbed at the golf cart, not letting go.

Patton elbowed one off the cart while Virgil grabbed another and slammed them against the stirring wheel.

Another one grabbed onto Virgil’s hair ripping at it to get him to stop.

“OW!” his purple eye was revealed as he tried to shake it off.

“I got it!” Patton grabbed the gnome and started ripping him off Virgil, though it was putting up a fight.

“OWWW!” he screamed.

The little thing wasn’t letting go.

Virgil’s eye glowed and the gnomes froze in place

Patton was quick to rip off the frozen gnome of off Virgil’s hair and throwing it off the golf cart.

“You froze it,” Patton said.

“Shit,” Virgil mumbled.

“How long do we have?” Patton asked.

A roar was heard behind them.

Patton turned in his seat eyes widened as he saw the gnomes behind him threw a tree at them.  Luckily, it went over them.  Unluckily, it landed in the middle of the road.

The twins screamed.  Virgil slammed on the breaks, but Patton knew that they weren’t going to stop in time.  By some chance, they manage to go under the tree instead of crashing into it.

They spun out of control and the cart landed on it's side.  The two pulled themselves from the ground.  The snow seeped into their clothing.  That was going to leave a bruise or two.  They had landed back at the Mystery Museum.  Neither could feel relieved as the monster walked up to them.

As the two back up, Virgil grabbed the shovel.  Soon they were pressed up against the side of the building.

“Just stay away from us!” Virgil yelled, throwing the shovel at them.  They only punched it into the ground.

Patton looked around.  There had to be something he could do.

His eyes landed on Virgil.

Virgil was too pale.  His hair had been forced away from his face, revealing his purple eye.  His eyes were right on the monster in front of them.  It took Patton a second to realize why.  All of the gnomes’ thoughts were going through his head right now.  Too many thoughts to comprehend.  His forehead was covered in little scratches, some had blood while others were just little red marks.

But what really got Patton, was his eyeshadow.  It streaked his face like he had been crying.  He had been crying.  Most definitely at the argument they had earlier.

How could he do that to his brother over a couple of guys?

Patton forced himself in front of his brother.  Pushing them both into the wall.  Virgil’s arms had circled around his arm.

He needed to act.

“I’ll marry you, Jeff,” Patton stated.  “Just leave my brother alone.”

“Patton, no,” Virgil was hugging his arm tighter.  “Please don’t.”

The older twin faced him, “Please, just trust me, Virgil.”

I know what I’m doing.

Virgil nodded slowly and let go of his brother’s arm.  Patton was quick to place his hair back over the purple eye.

Patton walked up to the monster as Jeff made his way down.  Once he had gotten there, Patton knelt down so that he was closer to the gnome’s height, but he still towered over the little man.  He held out a ring before slipping the ring onto Patton’s presented finger.  While Patton was looking at the ring, Jeff turned around.

“Let’s get you back to the woods, honey,” he said.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Patton stated, as his hand gripped onto the leaf blower behind him.  “You get to kiss me now.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” the gnome said.

As Patton leaned down, he pulled the tool closer to him.

Once Jeff was close enough, Patton pulled the leaf blower in front of him.

“This is for lying to me,” he yelled as he sucked the tiny man up. “This is for breaking my heart,” he tightened the nob as hard as he could.  “And this is for hurting my brother.”

He aimed the leaf blower at the monster.  It gasped and began to back up a bit, but without a person controlling it, it couldn’t do anything.

“What to do the honors?” Patton asked turning to his brother.

“On three,” Virgil smiled.

"One, two, three!”

Virgil hit the release and the gnome went flying into the monster.  Just like that all the gnomes began to fall to the ground like it was raining gnomes.

“I’ll get you for this!” Jeff yelled as he was launched into the woods.

“Orders I need orders.”

“My arms hurt.”

Patton began using the leaf blower to scare them away.

“Does anyone else want some of this?” the two yelled out at the now retreating army.

Once they all disappeared, Patton turned towards his brother.  Before either could say anything, Patton pulled Virgil into a tight hug.  Slowly, Virgil awkwardly placed his arms around him too.

“I’m sorry!” Patton cried into his shoulder.  “I should have believed you.  I can’t believe Norman turned into a bunch of gnomes.”

“Wait that was Norman?” Virgil asked.  “I guess I was wrong about the zombie thing.”

Patton nodded, “I didn’t mean what I said.  You were just trying to look out for me.  And I got anger over the fact that Logan showed more interest in you, then when you started the whole zombie thing, I lost it.”

Virgil tightened his hold, “Hey, you saved us back there.  And I’m sorry too.  I was just being stupid and should have talked to you instead.  And if Logan can’t see the…pawsome person that you are he’s not worth it.”

“YOU MADE A CAT PUN!” his brother squealed.

They pulled away smiling at each other.  Patton knew they both looked like a mess.  He could feel the dampness in his clothing and there were probably twigs stuck in his hair.  He saw them in Virgil’s hair anyway.

They walked inside, seeing Emile counting today’s earnings.  He looked at them as Virgil used his foot to close the door behind them.  Patton felt Virgil’s hand tighten on his arm.

“Did you two get hit by a bus?” he asked as he put the money in the register.

Patton began leading Virgil back to there room where they could change out of their wet clothing.  Virgil brought a sleeve to his face and began to wipe at his messed-up eyeshadow.

“Wait!” Emile looked at his register for a second before looking back at the two.  “I um…overstocked.  Each of you take something on the house.”

“Really?” Virgil asked.

The man nodded, so the kids looked around.

Virgil looked at a purple shirt with a storm cloud in the middle.  He took a large since he liked his clothing being on the big size.

Patton continued to rummage through boxes until he found the greatest thing ever.

“And I will have,” Patton twirled around smiling.  “A grappling hook!”

“Wouldn’t you rather have a toy or something?” Emile tilted his head.

“GRAPPLING HOOK!” he used it raising himself off the ground on one of the ceiling beams.

______________

In their room, Virgil and Patton had gotten ready for bed.  Virgil had pulled on a large black Evanesces shirt and a pair of purple boxers for his pajamas.  He was currently curled up in his blankets writing in the journal.

Patton was next to him jumping in his bed, wearing a cat onesie.  In his hand was his new grappling hook.

“This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls that you could trust.  But when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize that they probably always have you’re back.”

Next to him Patton used his hook to grab a stuffed lion.  The boy grinned to at his brother when he succeeds.

“Hey, Pop Star,” Virgil placed the book under his pillow.  “Can you get the light?”

Patton took aim with his grappling hook, grinning, “I’m on it.”

He released the hook and it hit the lamp, breaking it along with the window behind them.

The two of them began laughing at it.

“Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town.  But look at me, and what I can do?  Who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked?” 

_______

Emile looked around him.  Thomas had left hours ago, and the kids were asleep.  They were all the way upstairs too, so they wouldn’t be able to hear him.  He walked over to the vending machine and typed in the code to get in.

Before he closed it, he made sure that no one was watching.

He then closed the machine’s door.

[sinsins52]

Everything Wrong With Everything Wrong With SpongeBob SquarePants -"Rock Bottom"

It’s been ages since one of these, eh? Again, my interest isn’t the highest but I still wanna do some. I also wanna finally dive into TV Sins, which launched last year. But I also gotta do something over on SpongeBob Sins for the month. Thankfully, this week the sin gods blessed me with…this. Yep, TV sins did a SpongeBob episode for some reason. ….Let’s see how bad it is.

1. They plaster the “Everything wrong with” text stuff over the show’s title in the intro, even though the episode has a title card they could put it over instead.

2.”First, how do Rollercoasters work under the water?” There’s a lot of things that shouldn’t work under the water in this show, why single out the rollercoasters? That’s not really that confusing. He goes on but I don’t care.

3.”Another funtastic day. So you’ve been here before? Considering the rest of the episode revolves around you getting on the wrong bus home, this statement is patient zero for me not feeling the least bit sorry about your spongey ass” Oh and you’ve totally never forgetten things like this before, sure. Also, maybe his previous day was like a year ago.

4.”I guess you think making a joke about something being too to fit when it’s clearly small enough to go in without any friction whatsoever is hilarious. Well, it’s not. Just ask my college girlfriend” Jeremy makes a really cringe-y sex joke cliche.

5.”They’ve been here before so needing change for the bus shouldn’t be much of a surprise” They don’t look surprised, really. Just forgetful. And again, we don’t know when their most recent visit was.

6.The captions spell “canon” as “Cannon”

7.Overlong unfunny tangent about Jeremy’s aunt that has nothing to do with anything and is not a sin.

8.”And now I realized Rule 34 applies to SpongeBob” Sin for reminding me of SpongeKnob SquareNuts. And sin on me for reminding ya’ll of that.

9.”-now he’s looking at Sponge30 to SpongeLife” Putting Sponge in front of word does not count as a joke.

10.”Just wait for someone to come out, then we’lll know” Cue somewhat sexist joke about the difference between men and women’s bathrooms.

11.As someone who runs SpongeBob Sins, I now the line between when it makes sense to question logic in a world where there is none and when it’s just pedantic, and questioning how toliets can flush is that line.

12.”At Glove World the sign for the bus was a green triangle, not a red semi circle. Are these different buslines entirely?” One sign is in Rock Bottom, where everything looks different so this makes total sense.

13.”Don’t blame me, you knew who I was when you clicked play” …Ya got me there.

14.”Do Sponges have digestive systems?’ No but they don’t have vocal chords either.

15.”And now I know that fish are born with pants on” Well, only Rock Bottom fish. Again, this town/world is different.

16.Bonus round for all the raspberries…for some reason.

SINS SIN SIN TALLY: 16

SENTENCE: On the run, in theaters may whatever 2020.

Well, that was fun. It actually got into some decent sins later on so that’s why I dried up near the end. I like TV Series I bit more than the OG but you can see it’s got some of the same problems here and there. Still, it’s fun to see him stomp on my territory. I swear I’ll get to the one I teased last time someday, but hopefully this was able to tide you over until I did more of these.

Bye!

[konekoryuugamine]

Riffing the Reef: “Greasy Buffoons”

This episode made me gag. No joke. Someone has a sick sense of humor at some studio. Spongebob is owned by Stephen Hillenburg and I am only going over the episodes I feel miss the point of the show. Please read and enjoy.    As I stated in the first "Riffing the Reef", Mr. Krabs has become a character I despise with every moral fiber of my being. He's the itemization of Greed within this show, possibly within all cartoons, more so than Mr. Burns.    Yeah, I went there.    Krabs did have a good dimension of character in pre-movie episodes of Spongebob and was even shown he cared deeply for his crew and family in several episodes. He cared for Pearl in "Culture Shock", he defended Spongebob in "Born Again Krabs", and in "Squid on Strike" he admitted he needed Spongebob and Squidward to help him. His cheap nature was often kept as a joke, like in "Imitation Krabs", but it was kept subtle for his better parts to show. And yes, in some episodes like "Krabby Land" and "The Patty Caper", he got what was coming to him.    THANKFULLY.

   However, many an episode exists where he is not placed at fault with his immoral actions, and he is not portrayed as the dimensional character he ONCE was.    I saw ONCE because the old Mr. Krabs is gone and dead.    He has become villainous, a criminal, and a downright jack-ss to his employers, murderous, cheap and disgusting as I'll get out, and has resorted to often letting his family and friends take the brunt of his actions. Krabs has become flanderized to the point where he is the character I want to see set in boiling oil and served with a side of butter.    And that DID happen in a modern Spongebob episode, albeit it was in about season 4 or 5, but I digress.    Evidence of his flanderization and bastardization go from "Drive-Thru", "Summer Job", "Krabby Kronicle", "Penny Foolish" and that one episode where he used Gary to acquire stolen money to "One Coarse Meal", "Cracked Krabs", "Spongebob, You're Fired" and "The Krusty Sponge".    I'll tackle those, especially a certain one, in the near future, but for now, I want to take a look at one that involves his greedy nature, Plankton and almost everything wrong with a modern Spongebob episode in one swoop.    "Greasy Buffoons".    This episode is disgusting, beyond annoying and shows Krabs as a jerk and Plankton as a somewhat good-guy here. I actually gagged when I watched it. And instantly realized why my mom suddenly banned my sisters and I from watching the show years ago. 

   Spongebob is actually in character for this episode as well, so that is also a problem in its own right, but the real problem stems from the plot itself.    Spongebob, after slipping on a grease slick on the kitchen floor, and ADMITTING TO KRABS HE FELT HE BROKE SOMETHING, Krabs sees the grease trap is overflowing and says that they have to empty it, adding "for no extra pay".    Note how Squidward actually vanishes at this point. I cannot blame him.    Already the problem is that Krabs was ignorant of his own employees, even saying THEY had to clean out the grease trap. He specifically states that it was a job for two employees to do for no extra pay. Funny or not, it's just a bad thing to mention. He was also ignorant of Spongebob's overall health prognosis, even when he stated he felt hurt.    You would think after so long, Spongebob would be an assent for Mr. Krabs, but oftentimes the Krab treats him as a slave, a dirt monkey, or worse. Several episodes like "Staycation" and "WhoBob WhatPants" show he cares little for paying him for his services and often will resort to belittling him in other episodes. However, he's not above trying to get his 'Golden Boy' back when he's not making money in the restaurant, also like in "WhoBob Whatpants".     That episode is already on my list . . .    Already I'm talking about this crab, but that's the least obstructive point in the episode.    The REAL meat of the story begins when Krabs and Spongebob, (more or less from Krabs' directions), dump the excess grease behind the Chum Bucket. Spongebob, as they drive off, asks Mr. Krabs if that was legal.    Krabs replies with " Le-gale?"    . . .    I've stated this before, and I'll state it again: I despise this character. He's been disciplined, he's been in the Navy, he's been a cook and a cleaner on several ships for the love of Neptune! He would be familiar with the concept of Johnny Law, even with basic commands like 'Attention' and 'Cleanliness'.    This line ALONE shows that Krabs has become a purely evil character, as he dumped a highly toxic and/or strange chemical behind his rival's restaurant and did not know it was a bad thing.    This is being blind to morality, or genuine idiocy enforced on the character due to the plot.    THIS IS A BAD THING.    Another thing is YES, it IS illegal to dump these kinds of chemicals on the ground like that. It can cause toxicity to the environment, the removal of any kind of soil, and can destroy whole ecosystems. He would also lose his vendor's license, but let's not GO THERE NOW!    Plankton finds the goop the next morning and immediately notices it tastes amazing. He takes it and uses it to make his chum taste better, which it actually might, and brings in customers who don't seem to hate his food.    Another problem or two I have with this episode is how Plankton is portrayed, and how the rivalry between Krabs and Plankton is seen as a fast-food competition with GREASE equaling FLAVOR.    First off, Plankton tells Krabs, (after Krabs uses a terribly written pun and/or 4th wall-breaking joke), that he was visited by the "Flavor Fairy", and that he was legitimately using it. The point does remain that Plankton was using Krabby Patty grease to mix with his chum, and Krabs DID dump it illegally on his property. The debate over whether or not Plankton 'stole' the flavor is varied, but in my honest opinion, since Krabs got rid of it, Plankton could use it as he pleased.    Krabs, being the jerk sod he is, doesn't want the trilobite to have a SINGLE customer, and given Plankton's past attempts at selling his chum, I cannot blame him here. The best example would be for "Spongicus" when he grotesquely described what was in his chum on a stick.    I felt nauseated when I heard he put anchor rust in there.    However, the greedy crustacean takes it too far as he uses the grease from his own patties to make them 'tastier', and gives them 'new and amazing' names to go with it. Krabs is being played as the good guy in this part, while Plankton is being placed as the villain still.     The problem is Plankton did not do anything morally or legally wrong. Plankton is not at fault, nor was he ever at fault. All he is guilty of is using grease that was disposed of on the ground, which may or may not end up making his customers sick with bacteria. 

   Come to think of it, that would have been a far better angle to take on this episode. Krabs disposes of the grease, Plankton begins to use it, and Krabs knows even mixing the Krabby Batty grease with the chum would cause some disaster for Bikini Bottomites, so he recruits Spongebob to help eliminate the grease and right his wrong.

   THEN AGAIN, this is Spongebob, so when has logic been applied before?    Another note I have to address is it's been proven by numerous studies that an intake of too much grease can lead to obesity, increased heart problems, breathing problems, etc. Just because it makes something taste better does not mean is it going to be good for your body. These two should have known about health codes and regulations in the first place to earn their vendor's licenses, and to even open their restaurants.    And they did, once upon a time.    This episode carelessly uses the grease as a plot device to start the conflict between the two, and create a stir of activity between their food. The two each try to outdo the other, even to the point where Krabs is serving 'Yummy Soup', which in reality is grease on a paper plate.    DISGUSTING DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT.    A minor argument can also be made that the same customers who rush back and forth between the two restaurants are also at fault, mostly because they buy into the hypes the two monsters generate over their 'tasty' foods. Grease is sprayed between fish, they grow obese and become covered in the grotesque stuff, and one even SPITS IT OUT AS HE TALKED TO SPONGEBOB.    There are lines to draw here. It is gross.    This episode legitimately made me ill to watch.    The customers here are also written to serve the plot and are portrayed as stupid and ignorant of their surroundings. A general consensus of Bikini Bottomites from previous episodes have often shown intelligence, even a collective conscience, but THIS is just stupidity for the sake of the plot.    The entire time this goes on, Krabs is egging on the competition as much as Plankton is. He is raking in the money and cares nothing for his employees, NOR for his customers. All he cares about is money, money, money, money, MONEY.    The old Krabs would actually abide by his customers, like in the episode "Bubble Buddy". He’d care about the customer and even go so far as to chew an elderly lady’s patty for her.    Here, he’s shown to be completely ignorant of the customers' conditions and of Spongebob's thoughts towards how feeding people grease of this amount is a BAD thing.    The krab has been cracked; no pun intended on any future riffing episode.    The only saving grace of the episode is that Spongebob, close as he is to his original personality, calls the health inspector, and admits that the two have been feeding people grease for, as he says, two weeks. For SPONGEBOB of all people to do this, after seeing Patrick suffering, is the best thing in this episode. He recognized the immorality of Krabs and Plankton's actions while also admitting what he was doing as the cook was wrong.    The inspector being here is also an unexpected part. If this were another episode, Krabs and Plankton would have been arrested and the restaurants would have been destroyed from grease fires.    However, there was a gas and fire joke in "Just One Bite", and that was edited for safety's sake after 9/11, so who am I to say now about this?    The episode's conclusion shows the restaurants being shut down until they become clean, which, if it had ended there, would have been a satisfying conclusion for a mediocre episode. Krabs would have been punished for his immoral actions, karma would have taken its course and we would end on a happy note for once.    BUT NO.    Spongebob soaks up the grease, tells Krabs that he will dispose of it properly, and Krabs is stuck in a dream-like state because he fell asleep outside and had one of those "it was all a dream" moments. Patrick then comes out of literal nowhere and starts licking Spongebob for the grease, and Krabs ends the episode with a questionable thinking expression.    THIS is a bad ending and a bad idea.    KRABS should have been the one to help clean up his own mess, NOT Spongebob. This is averting him from accepting what he did was wrong and for taking the blame for his actions. Spongebob cleaning up his mess is not a good way to end this kind of story, nor is it a good idea for Krabs to continuously have evil thoughts like this while Spongebob is being pursued by Patrick.    I can only speculate what he was thinking, but I feel it was along the lines of him using Spongebob for more grease and Krabby patties again.    This makes Krabs even more of a Karma Houdini. He was caught, but SPONGEBOB was the one who cleaned up his mess. And he still gets allowed the chance to make the same scam going again thanks to Spongebob’s golden boy attitude. No punishment, no permanent comeuppance, all for the sake of some cheap laugh.    This just teaches the wrong lesson in morality as well as how people should not go about running restaurants.    And this was in a MODERN kid's cartoon.    Overall, this episode shows Krabs as a jerk and a terrible person. He's ignorant to the law, (which from previous episodes deviates from his character), unfaithful to his employees and uncaring to the customers he once showed small amounts of compassion for. Spongebob is the only person who is still in character and Plankton was shoe-horned in for the sake of the plot, like the grease itself. The citizens are devoid of intelligence and Patrick is only here because “laugh, monkey”. It demonstrated both immorality and careless writing on part of it being an 'entertaining' story.

[princelettow-archive]

i mean my mind is usually like.....if we’re mutuals we are friends but Of Course i do not know if that logics applies to everyone so i just sit here like that spongebob with coffee meme

[t-oresama]

"A Celebration in Animation: The 100 Greatest Cartoon Characters in Television History" by Marty Gitlin and Joe Wos

Synopsis: Few morose thoughts permeate the brain when Yosemite Sam calls Bugs Bunny a "long-eared galoot"or a frustrated Homer Simpson blurts out his famous catchphrase "D'oh!". A Celebration in Animation explores the best-of-the-best cartoon characters from the 1920s to the twenty-first century. Casting a wide net, it includes characters both serious and humorous and ranging from silly to malevolent. But all the greats gracing this book are sure to trigger nostalgic memories of care-free Saturday mornings or after-school hours with family and friends in front of the TV set. 

Published: 2018 (Lyons Press) Genre: Non-fiction, pop culture, ranked list Rating: 3.5 out of 5

WARNING: There are some spoilers in this review (they don't mention the ranking of the shows I'll mention, just the shows themselves). The cover of the book already spoils things in this regard, but just in case you want to read this yourselves, you may want to skip reading this review until then! :D

Reader Review: Okay, so at this point, I'm literally going to start making a new tag/sub-series of reviews called "judging a book by its cover", because yet again, that's what I did. Heck, I'll even go back to my old reviews and tag them as such I went back to my old reviews and tagged them as such. Working at a library is a blessing and a curse in this regard... Anyway, my allure to this book's cover came from Teen Titans' Beast Boy being smack-dab on it. And with my undying love for the original Teen Titans series, I was instantly curious as to what ranking he'd been awarded (THAT, I will spoil; it'll be in the tags). And I've always had a love of both cartoon history and countdown lists, so this book was right up my alley anyway. 

Now, as much as the internet likes to make fun of WatchMojo on Youtube ("Top Ten Anime Betrayals" memes, anyone?), you have to admit that you yourself have watched at least one of their countdown lists, or a countdown list from someone else (ScreenRant, Looper, etc). There's something inherently interesting about putting things, specifically things we see in pop culture, in a ranked order, and the possibilities of the subjects of these lists are limitless so there's something for everyone. That being said, it drives me crazy when people get so mad or defensive about the entry order of a top 10/ top whatever number list, whether it's "How could THIS be #1???", "How could this NOT be #1???", "What about ___???", you get it. So going into reading this list of the top 100 cartoon characters in all of cartoon history, you really have to understand that these are the, albeit well-thought-out and industry-knowledgeable, OPINIONS of two people. This is not the Mayan calendar, the end-all be-all of lists. If anything, it prompts a dialogue, inviting you to hop on discussion train and talk about cartoons yourself. 

Both Marty Gitlin, a pop culture author, and Joe Wos, a cartoon illustrator, have both the professional and personal insight of the vast history of cartoons. What is very apparent, though, is that these two have come together for more of their personal love of cartoons than anything else. This didn't bother me personally, because no matter how unbiased a ranking list claims to be, there's always a little bit of bias. The two authors try to base their rankings in fact more than personal preference, and for the most part they do stay unbiased, in both obvious and non-obvious ways (for example: there is one Disney character that ranks decently higher on the list than another Disney character, which was backed by reasonings both personal and professional by the authors, since the initial reaction from anyone would probably be "...Wait, really?"). Their choices do a great job in ranging from the dawn of cartoon history with "Crusader Rabbit" and "Astro Boy" to much more recent cartoons like Archer from "Archer", Tina from "Bob's Burgers" and Korra from "The Legend of Korra", all with the same logic applied to each for why they deserved to be recognized in this book, and not necessarily why they deserve spot number whatever (although they do emphasize the rankings DO matter, but it didn't really matter a whole lot outside of the top 20). I genuinely enjoyed learning about cartoons I wasn't too familiar with, getting little blurbs and fun facts out of it, and just generally getting into the heads of Gitlin and Wos. It's clear they did their research and really applied a lot of thought to this list. After all, it's hard with ALL the cartoons characters that have existed since the early 1900s to simply pick 100. Some liberties are taken for duos, like Sylvester and Tweety and Cosmo and Wanda, but it makes sense because some exist as foils of the other to play off of each other, and their partnership is what made them stand out individually in the first place. In that regard, it's more like a top 125-ish list, but again, the authors take care in making the reasonings make sense. Plus there's a foreword from SpongeBob voice and overall voice-acting marvel Tom Kenny, which is a nice treat that whets our appetite for what this book will unveil.

That being said, this book is very much a first draft that should have had some more time to be edited before release. It's enough sometimes to be overlooked; in the beginning of each new ranking, there's a bio for each character (Created by:____ Debuted in: ___ Voiced by: ____), but rather than a new blurb starting on a new line, there are sometimes two blurbs that exist on the same line. Again, not the worst thing ever. But then there are some that are just impossible to let go; there's literally a ranking (within the ranking) of Pinky and the Brain's most ridiculous "Take over the world" schemes, and there's randomly a line about Racer X of "Speed Racer" fame that is clearly not supposed to be in this ranking, let alone in this ranking's ranking. Consistency is also an issue. For a book about cartoons, there's a big lack of them in this book. Every ranked character, I assumed, would have its own picture to visually show the reader who the character is in a "show, don't tell" kind of way, but that was very much not the case for a large amount of characters. The most logical answer to this could've been that there were copyright issues where the authors couldn't obtain permission to use their images, but several Disney characters appear visually in the book, despite Disney being notoriously stingy about sharing their characters in mediums they don't helm themselves. And where we get a cartoon character visually for #1-45, we don't get any pictures at all for a straight 15 rankings afterwards. For a ranked list about a visual medium, I would've loved to have seen who they were talking about, instead of Google image searching who certain characters were (like I had no idea who Beany and Cecil were before this book, and had to provide my own visual representation). It's just an odd choice for a cartoon book to exclude... cartoons. Though what's more odd are some images they did include. There are a couple of weird choices of photos, like the French TV poster for "Pokemon" that says "Le Film" under a screenshot of Pikachu, and the tiniest picture ever of "Crusader Mouse" obscured by the title sequence. Again, Googling these characters myself showed me better results than the book did. 

Finally and most importantly, character information is straight-up wrong. I know I said they do their research-- and they do-- and the authors are obviously not expected to know everything about every character offhand, but where they get tiny details and industry notes spot-on, they get the absolute simplest character information so unusually incorrect. There are two notable examples in my copy of the book. The first one is in Fat Albert's entry, where it states "Cosby Kid Tito is killed by a stray bullet intended for his older brother, who had joined a gang" (Uh... Fat Albert spoilers?). But it's actually Tito's younger brother Fernando who is shot and killed because the older brother who joins a gang is "Cosby Kid Tito". I know the piece is about Fat Albert the character and not Tito, but why bring this up if you don't even use the correct character to mention how progressive the show was to justify Fat Albert's place on the list? The second one is for the Powerpuff Girls regarding Blossom's physical description. It reads: "Blossom boasted light brown hair with a large blow and featured a short cape tied behind her pink dress and black belt." UMMMMMMM. I was so absolutely confused by this one line I had to look up various shots of her character model in case I somehow forgot that she had a cape, and to clarify, she absolutely does not have a cape (unless for specific episodes where's she dressing up outside of her normal attire). Did the authors think her hair was a cape? Did they mistake one episode where she wore a cape for the entirety of the series where she doesn't wear one? NO CAPES (CHECK OUT INCREDIBLES 2 IN THEATRES JUNE 15TH). Also... light brown hair? What adds insult to injury, besides the well-established fact that she has RED hair, is that this character description is written RIGHT NEXT TO A PICTURE OF THE POWERPUFF GIRLS TO PROVE THAT THAT IS NOT TRUE. Honestly, I'll give leniency where it's due for taking on the task of ranking and going in-depth on the origins and noteworthy points of a character, but no one prompted them to make this list. If you're going to talk in-depth about a character, fact-checking is your best friend. This is simple research, or simple picture-looking.

Overall, it's a fun book that helps you brush up on your cartoon history and send you into a state of nostalgia. I do wish there were more than the ten or so characters from Japan, Canada or the UK that appear on this list, but again, it's a book written in America that tends to look at the influence of said cartoons in American history, and asking someone to examine every cartoon character in the WORLD is a daunting, if not impossible task. I do also disagree with the fact that the list starts with #1 and descends from there. I find it more fun to build up to that #1 spot, because who really wants to read who #100 is when you know who #1 is already? I actually read this book backwards because of this, and found it much more satisfying to see the #1 spot by the "end". But I don't think there will be any dispute with who the top 30 or so cartoons are, but even if there are, that's the fun of ranked lists like this: if you disagree, just make your own list! It's all in good cartoon fun.

[romanssippycup]

Arc 2: Cuts, Confessions and Public Compressions

A story arc based on a truly epic RP with @tinysidestrashcaptain, this fic will have several arcs. Some will be posted on my blog, some on Mew’s. We hope you will enjoy this as much as we did! Warnings in this arc include a paper cut, angst, and a lake full of fluff. (Yes I referenced the lake for our discord members. Go jump in it if you wish. XD)

Arc 1: Fond Memories

Logan spotted the small cut on Patton's wrist, and  his eyes widened.

"Patton, you are injured!" He immediately pulled Patton in close and sank them both down, popping up in the (thankfully empty) bathroom. He released Patton to get the antiseptic cream and band-aids out of the medicine cabinet, then turned back to Patton, offering a small smile.

"I need to cleanse it and apply a bandage. Would you prefer SpongeBob or Moana, as those appear to be our options?" Patton giggled at Logan’s antics. He had wanted to tell Logan that he was fine, but seeing the logical aspect this passionate, especially over a little cut, warmed his heart. A small part of him wanted to be cheeky, but he knew Logan wasn't good with emotions so he let his blushes show throughout the logical aspect’s healing process.

"Aww Logan. See? I did mean it when I called you my hero. Oh and Spongebob please." Logan quickly dabbed the ointment on the cut and covered it with a SpongeBob bandage. He hesitated a moment, torn. Patton would always kiss their injuries, claiming it promoted healing. Logan had yet to find a single study to support that claim, but it had been a tradition of sorts for every injury, big or small. Normally, Logan would just ignore it, but for Patton...his heart thumped rapidly in his chest...he was tempted. He realized abruptly that he was holding Patton's hand, gently running his thumb over the bandage, while Patton looked at him with that fond expression that always gave him metaphorical butterflies in his stomach. He quickly dropped Patton's hand and stepped back, a blush riding high on his cheekbones. That had not been socially appropriate, he was quite certain, and if he wasn't extremely careful, Patton was going to pick up on his highly inconvenient infatuation and he had no idea how that would even work. He was very sure that his feelings would never be reciprocated, but he was even more certain that Patton would never intentionally hurt him. Honestly, thinking about all of the different ways this could go wrong was making his head spin, so better to ignore it. Safer that way.

As Patton looked at the way Logan was leaning his head towards his hand, his eyes widened. Was...was he really going to kiss it?! A sharp jolt of affection quivered from the flushing of his face and traveled all the way to his stomach, the butterflies flitting around angrily. Logan had seemed to be fighting himself on the decision, but once he dropped his hand a surge of dissapoint hit Patton in the chest. His face dropped quickly, a look of confusion replacing his earlier expression as he saw the blush on the logical aspect's cheeks. Logan awkwardly cleared his throat, looking away, his face flushing.

The moral aspect’s grin couldn’t grow any wider. Logan had always cared even if he did so in his own special way, but Logic was finally showing affection in a way that Patton understood. It took a minute before the emotion that danced across Logan’s face registered in Patton's mind, but once it did, Patton stood in awe. He had not seen Logan blush like that since they were kids. He caught eye contact with him once again, then offered Logan a comforting smile to assure him that he was fine.

"If you are doing alright, perhaps we should continue our task? With less personal injury this time, I hope." Logan offered a small smile, his cheeks still slightly pink.

"Y-yeah, there’s a couple more things we need to do, in my room." He held out his hand to him once again, a small chance of hope burning brightly inside of his chest. "Sink out?"  

They both sank down, reappearing in Patton's room. Logan had been holding Patton's hand, and he reluctantly relinquished it, nervously adjusting his glasses. "So, I have completed the first stack of photos. What task would you like me to accomplish next?”

While they sunk out, Patton blushed as he held Logan's hand, stealing tiny glances towards the logical aspects face without speaking. He rubbed the bandaid thoughtfully, the tiniest of hopeful smiles spreading gradually across his face. Once they appeared back in the room Patton held onto Logan's hand a little longer after he had released. He squeezed it thoughtfully with a smile, and then dropped his hold.

"Well. I'm dreading going through the pile of Thomas's old relationships and that’s something that badly needs to be sorted. I was afraid of being sad through it all, but maybe because you’re here I won't feel like crying...as much. Eheheh." Logan blinked at that.

"I...am glad my presence can be comforting to you." He cleared his throat, a slight blush on his cheeks as he looked down. "I would be more than happy to assist you in that endeavor."

Patton bit back a sad sigh and smiled at his friend. "Thank you so much Logan. It really does help. Basically what needs to happen in the pile is I'd like to find what memories are actually worth keeping around." He walked over and rummaged through the pile and picked out a couple items. "See these? These were nice moments we had with him, but they really aren't worth keeping. I held onto them because I didn't want to let go. I guess that wasn't the logical course of action, ey Logan? Eheh." He nervously laughed.

Logan gently took the items, his gaze warming as he looked at Patton. "Perhaps it was not logical, but you do not need to be. It is not in your nature to be logical as it is for me. That is not a negative thing, Patton. You have your own function to serve and you do it very well. You needed time in order to relinquish these memories. I didn't understand that before, but I do now. If you require time in order to let things go, you may have as much as you wish. Do not feel badly for being precisely who and what you are." He knew his affection was coloring his voice, his words, but he couldn't abide by the nervousness in Patton's voice. Patton should never feel guilty for doing his job, or worry about Logan's judgement.

Patton’s hands dropped to his sides as Logan took the items. "They say time is the best healer, and I totally agree, but I was too open and caring for all of Thomas's relationships. I look back on all of it and realize I just wanted Thomas to be happy, so I opened myself more than I should have. I busied myself with his relationships, because as he grew older I knew that was my job. I guess I couldn't bear to think about what I needed, or what Thomas really needed. He didn't need a relationship to be happy, and I made him think he did.”

Patton paused before continuing his thought. “That’s why I was so excited when he started doing the Sander's Sides videos. Learning how to love himself like he used to when he was a kid and slowly breaking down walls between us that we so adamantly hold up between us. It is good for us and for him. And It also made me realize what Thomas truly needs and what I want. Because what I really wanted all along, from the very beginning, stands in front of me...in every Sander's Sides video..."

Logan's heart leaped in his chest. Oh....oh....was he saying....? Did he mean...? The possibility that Patton could reciprocate his feelings was a tantalizing thought, and there was a part of him that wanted to say something, to metaphorically lay himself open and let Patton see his true feelings, but fear stopped him. He was bad at emotions. What if he was wrong? What if he was completely misreading the situation? He swallowed hard, torn about what he should do.

"Logan. For years I've cried over our lost friendship, not even knowing that was what I was crying about. But as Thomas brought all four of us back into the open again, it brought joy to my heart whenever I saw you. Even if I did have to tease you sometimes to get you to notice me. I always did like you as a friend, but through the videos as I had said I learned that self-love is just as important, if not more! It’s one thing to accept yourself, but an entirely different thing to love yourself. Because someone can't truly learn to love, until they learn to love themself just as they are.”

Patton paused yet again. “Going back to my original point though, I...I, the moral trait, did some research...because if I was ever going to ask to be in a relationship with you, I'd think it best to ask in a way that I'd hope you understand. My results are as follows: Whenever two humans are in a relationship, not only do their hearts beat as one but their trains of thought also overlap in time, meaning the heart and mind have to be in sync for a relationship to happen." Patton rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Logan grabbed Patton's hand, a brilliant smile spreading across his face. "Patton, I know that emotions are illogical. I am cognitively aware that I should hold you in no greater regard than the others, but I have always felt more for you, and in a stronger capacity. My heart jumps at the sight of you. Your happiness is far more important than my own. You have become of central importance in my life, second only to Thomas. In everything that I have experienced, with all of my reactions, I can only logically conclude that I am, in fact, in love with you. I have been for quite some time. I hope that my feelings are reciprocated?" His eyes were sparkling, he was so close to Patton, his thumbs rubbing gently over Patton's knuckles, and he gently brought the hand to his face, pressing a soft kiss to his palm.

Patton gasped, eyes widening at his reaction. "Yes Logan, I love you too!" The moral trait couldn't hold his excitement back anymore. Morality threw himself into Logan’s arms, wrapping his own around Logan’s neck and kissing his cheek in zeal.

"I couldn't be happier to know that you feel the same way. Ack! I'm so excited right now! I could squeal!" Logan chuckled, at that, happily embracing Patton and feeling lighter than he had in years. He leaned back, smiling into those dear eyes, and gave him a soft kiss. When he broke away, he was still smiling.

"I find I am quite pleased with our new relationship paradigm as well, Patton." He hugged Patton closely again, heaving a contented sigh.

"Ahhh! Me too!!" Patton excitedly squealed at his kiss and hugged him tighter than he ever had any of the other sides. He laughed sweetly through the embrace resting his head on Logan's shoulder. He finally could hug Logan the way he had wanted to for years and he would stay like that forever, if time permitted.

"And now I get to treasure you like I treasure all of Thomas's precious memories.” The moral trait gently pressed a hand to cup Logan's cheek, trying to demonstrate just how special the logical aspect was to him.

Logan chuckled at that, his heart melting a little. He opened his mouth to respond, when Virgil's voice rang out from the hallway.

"Hey, Patton, Logan, where are you two? Something's going on with Thomas and it's weird." Logan reluctantly released his hold on Patton, sharing a concerned look with his new partner.

"We had better go see what's going on, dearest." Logan sighed, a little disappointed to be called away so soon. Patton let go of Logan as soon as he heard Virgil's voice, not wanting Logan to be the brunt of one of the darker aspect’s sarcastic comments. Patton stared into Logan's eyes a little longer, before replying.

"Yeah. I guess we are good here for now. Thank you for your help Logan. Now on to help Thomas." He mimicked Roman poorly and sunk out but not before brushing the palm of Logan's hand on his way out, then appearing in his regular spot in Thomas's apartment.

Logan popped up in his regular spot next to the stairs. "What seems to be the issue, Virgil?" The darker side grimaced, gesturing to Thomas.

"I don't know! He's being all....weird. You're the brains in this outfit, you figure it out." Logan rolled his eyes, but turned to Thomas, who was just standing there, smiling and staring into space.

"Thomas?" The man in question merely turned to him, a dreamy smile still on his face.

"Yeah, Logan? What's up, buddy?" Logan  huffed a little, slightly irritated that such a sweet moment with Patton was interrupted for this.

"I could ask the same thing. What appears to be the issue, Thomas? Are you having another one of your dilemmas?" Thomas shrugged.

"I don't know, Logan, I just feel really....happy. Like everything is right in my world, you know? I have no idea where this good mood came from, but it's awesome!" Patton beamed at Thomas’s response.

"Well that’s good Thomas! I feel fine and dandy too-" Then it occurred to him why Thomas might be having this happy spell. His face dropped to one of surprise as he glanced at Logan with no malice on his face, but only questioning. He badly wanted to talk this feeling over with Logan, but he knew he couldn't do it in front of Virgil.

Suddenly, a far off scream silenced Thomas and the other aspects as a deranged princey was thrown out of the ground and into his spot. "Goodness Thomas! This is the seventh time you've called me on a quest! Do you not know how to give a warning?!" The prince was covered from head to toe in leaf bugs. "Shoo shoo!" He shook his garments violently, the bugs flying off and vanishing into thin air.

Logan caught Patton's expression and immediately put the pieces together. He and Patton were in love, they had admitted such, and Patton was happy. The two of them were no longer warring, which meant that Thomas's heart and mind were in agreement for a change. No wonder Thomas was in such an overly happy mood! He was likely feeling some of their joy reflected back. But of course, in order to explain it, he would have to basically announce the change in his and Patton's relationship, and he wasn't entirely certain that was something Patton wanted. He wouldn't care, in fact he'd prefer honesty, but he knew Patton to be an emotional aspect, and he didn't want to cause him undue distress. Roman was still ranting in his overly dramatic fashion, but Logan was ignoring him. The more pressing problem was that if anyone asked Logan a direct question regarding this, Logan could not lie. He tried to communicate all of that non-verbally to Patton, but frankly, he had little hope of it getting through.

"Smooth landing, Princey. What the heck were you doing, anyway?" Virgil's lip curled in disgust as he watched the bugs disappear. Gross, he hated bugs.

Patton watched as Logan subtly tried gesturing to him what he meant. Quite honestly, Patton was lost and failed to give an understanding expression. When Logan arched a brow, non-verbally asking the moral aspect if he understood, Patton regrettably shook his head no and sulked. Suddenly, an idea struck him! He gestured to the notecards in Logan's pocket and then waved a pencil he found in his catigan in Logan’s face quickly, hoping he would understand.

Roman pulled a couple real leaves off of his prince costume, unaware of the exchange happening between the pair to the right of him. "I'm glad you asked, Fall Out Boy. I was simply going through a jungle, looking for a sacred city that I promised to find for the nearby village there. I was getting close, too. Though I suppose the timing couldn't have been more impeccable. The leaf bugs were getting annoying."

While Roman was distracted, Logan quickly jotted down a few lines on one of his note cards "T happy due to our relationship status change. I cannot lie. Ok to go public?" and subtly handed it to Patton. Virgil and Roman were too busy chatting to notice, but Thomas did, shooting him a curious glance. Logan offered a reassuring smile. He'd try to explain as soon as he had an answer. Virgil rolled his eyes at Princey, but paused when he glanced at Logan. Logan looked...nervous? Logan was rarely nervous.

"Okay, what's going on here? Logan, what's up with you? Something's going on, I can tell." Virgil eyed Logan and Patton suspiciously.

"Uhh. Uhh." Patton quickly jittered around in nervousness as he read the notecard Logan had passed him, almost dropping it and the pencil in the process. He wrote a large 'YES' on the back of the card as quickly as he could, then turned it so Logan could see, nodding as fast as he could in response. Logan breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Roman noticed the situation and Patton's nervousness. "Woah you okay their padre? And Logan you look on edge today... And Thomas looks...delighted? What the heckity heck is going on?" He turned to Virgil looking for an answer of some sort.

Virgil shrugged, looking to Logan, who nervously cleared his throat.

"Yes, well, I believe I know why you have been feeling so unusually happy today, Thomas. You see...well, there's no use hesitating, I'll just come right out and say it. The relationship between Patton and I has switched from platonic to romantic. We are a couple...officially. As of today. You are likely feeling some of our happiness reflected back, which is causing your mood to elevate. I imagine everything will stabilize within a few days." Virgil stared at him, then shot his gaze to Patton, then back to Logan. Silence reigned for a few seconds, then Virgil threw his hands in the air.

"FINALLY!!! YOU OWE ME $20 ROMAN, PAY UP!!!!" Roman was dumbfounded and switched his gaze between the two said aspects.

"What!? When did this happen!? And how!? You two fight constantly! I do NOT see how something like this would ever work out in your favor or Thomas's!" Roman looked away from Virgil in his shame and reluctantly handed him the 20. "And I should know because I'm the romantic one." He assumed his fanciful pose.

Patton chose to ignore Roman’s words while smiling brightly towards the four other entities in the room. He even outstretched an arm towards Logan asking to hold his hand, signifying Logan was indeed telling the truth. Logan immediately took Patton's hand without an ounce of hesitation, smiling softly at him.

"Roman, you are indeed correct in that we are each other's opposites in many ways, but the majority of our fighting is not out of malice but misunderstanding and misdirected frustration. I have always held Patton in the highest regard, and although there will likely be times when we will disagree, I strongly feel that our relationship will actually help Thomas. We have different approaches to problems, being who and what we are, but for Patton I am willing to learn to compromise. Having us working together would be much more effective than having us work against one another, wouldn't you think?" Logan's voice was steady and calm, but his eyes were soft and lit with affection. Virgil grinned as he pocketed his cash, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Seriously, Roman, how have you missed it? Those two have been dancing around each other for years. That's literally why we made the bet in the first place. Don't be salty just because they caved a year before you thought they would." Thomas was beaming at Logan and Patton.

"Awwww, well, I'm happy for you two! Love is love, right?" Thomas lightly punched Logan on the shoulder, and the logical side blushed, smiling at the moral aspect. Patton smiled back, eyes twinkling with excitement and pressed a soft kiss to Logan’s knuckles, chuckling at Roman.

"Well yeah! Love is love except...when there is an age gap, that-that's not something I condone. Heheheh." Patton smiled at Thomas, then turned to Roman.

"Well, that’s the funny thing about love. It's not always a feeling, but also a choice. And if you choose to bet on love, sometimes it comes back to bite you. I agree me and Logan have had some spats in the past, but I'm willing to look past that and see what sort of things I can learn through this experience. Even the heart needs to learn something new every once and awhile." He shrugged loosely, squeezing Logan's hand fondly. Roman playfully pouted.

"D’oh all right. You're right. I'm just surprised it happened so quickly. You two were always inseparable in our younger days." Roman looked out into the middle distance. Virgil grinned, remembering when they were younger.

You two were really cute when we were kids. Dad followed Logan literally everywhere, used to sit and listen to him ramble about random crap for hours. That was back when you called yourself Learning, Logan." Logan chuckled at that.

"It was no different than you and Roman. When we were children, you used to come up with all kinds of ideas and follow Roman on adventures. Everything changed once Thomas hit middle school, though. You disappeared, Roman got more arrogant, I changed...even Patton changed. Growing up has a way of doing that, unfortunately." He looked away, trying not to remember how overwhelming the knowledge had been, how he'd had to pull away in order to maintain control and keep Thomas productive. The arguments, the harsh words, times when he knew he'd hurt Patton by shoving him aside in his need to push Thomas to excel. He hasn't been at his best in those years, none of them had. Logan gently pressed a kiss to Patton's palm, to convey his regret and his affection, gently tangling their fingers together again. Virgil looked away, hunching his shoulders a bit.

"I disappeared because it was made very clear to me that I was not wanted. You all hated me for a long time....still not entirely sure what changed..."

Patton's gaze dropped as Logan listed off the ways they all changed, clinging a little tighter to the hand he held in past hurt. The apology kiss from Logan was accepted gratefully however, and lifted his spirits; Patton knew that future looked far brighter than the past, thus he was happy. Roman dropped his head slightly clenching and unclenching his fists rapidly.

"What changed was...I and Logan's blindness was revealed to us full force. The clearer vision of you returning to him before my stubborn...hind end actually had an inkling of wanting to accept you as part of the group again. There was a part of me, Virgil, that always knew you were never the villain, and yet I was too still too ignorant to see the villain that was morphing itself inside of me. I really was saddened when you stopped coming with me on my quests, but...if I treated someone how I treated you, then I can clearly see why you despised me so much...or why any of you would want to talk to me. I had it all wrong for the longest time, and I still sometimes have it all wrong." Now it was Virgil's turn to look surprised.

"I don't...hate you. You're a pain in the ass sometimes, and your ego's so big it's a wonder you haven't flattened all of Orlando, but I don't hate you. I figured you hated me, what with you actually saying you did and all." Roman's head shot up and he immediately put a hand up. "Relax, I know you didn't mean it or you're sorry or whatever, we're good. I'm not holding a grudge, I'm just saying that's why I left for awhile. It was easier on everyone. Things are different now." He looked over at Logan and Patton. "Uhh...really different, to be honest. But it's not a bad thing. You'd better keep Dad happy, Pocket Protector." Logan gave Patton's hand a squeeze.

"I will certainly endeavor to do so, Virgil." Logan looked at Roman. "You are....exasperating. You have dreams that are delusional and highly unrealistic. It is my job to reign you in, and I realize that we are often at odds as a result. But I do not despise you. I am irritated by you, frustrated by you, and I often do not understand you in the slightest, but to think I feel hatred or enmity towards you would be wildly inaccurate."

"Yeah Roman. We are sides of one person so self-conflict is inevitable! But what matters is how we handle the arguments. The Sander's Sides videos have been a great environment for us to rebuild the tight knit friendship we had and more," he tilted his head towards Logan giving him a playful smile, "that we used to have. And I wouldn't trade these moments for the world. Sure you might have had trouble in the past, but we can put all that behind us. Thomas has basically stopped growing and he shouldn't have anymore awkward personality changes."

Roman picked his head back up and flashed his toothy smile. "Well that's good. I feel better already."

"Good, awesome. Dad and the Professor are dating, Thomas is super happy, we're all good here. Can we go? I've got a new Fall Out Boy album to listen to." Virgil gestured with his thumb over his shoulder. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Yes, crisis averted. Thomas, you have no plans to go anywhere, correct?" Thomas was still smiling that dopey smile.

"Nope! Gonna stay here and watch Steven Universe again!"

"Excellent. It would appear we all have a free evening then." Virgil grinned and saluted, sinking down into the mindscape.Roman sighed.

"Well it appears I've lost yet another bet with sunshine over here. While you two love birds catch up on old memories and fluffy kisses, I'm going back to my quest. I will see you all tomorrow." Roman teased the bespectacled pair and sunk out in his fanciful pose only to be bombarded by leaf bugs again. "Agh! I thought you left!" The last phrase that was heard from Thomas's apartment by the royal ended hilariously in a distressed tone.

Patton giggled and found himself walking towards Logan, embracing him gently. He then burrowed his face in his shoulder softly, quietly hoping not to get pushed away, lest Logan think it was too much social interaction.

Logan immediately hugged him close, one hand threading through his hair while the other arm banded around his waist. He rolled his eyes at Roman's antics, chuckling a little as the bugs attacked him again. "We have such an odd family, Patton. How long do you think it will take those two to figure it out?" His voice was soft, almost teasing.

Patton smiled and nuzzled into him a little more. "Give them time Logan. They'll figure each other out soon enough, like we did. Their friendship has a few more battle scars than ours does, so it’s only natural for those to work themselves out first before the seeds of love can blossom." He giggled and snaked his hands around Logan's neck and kissed his cheek once again, practically swooning with infatuation.

Logan sighed a little, turning and gently cupping Patton's face with his hands. "I hope you realize I am hopelessly smitten with you?" He smiled at Patton, gently pulling him into a soft, sweet kiss. When they parted, he placed gentle kisses on Patton's nose, cheeks, and forehead before hugging him tightly again. "It is a predicament from which I hope to never escape." Thomas made a slight gagging sound, and Logan shot him a half-hearted glare before beginning to sink both Patton and himself down into the commons of the mindscape.

Patton's cheeks flushed red as he melted into the kiss, and quietly giggled at the tickly kisses Logan had planted on his face.

"Oh Thomas. I'm proud of you. I hope you know that. You’re doing great kiddo. Keep up the good work!" Patton waved as they sunk out. Once they got back to the commons, Patton’s excitement released itself yet again. He jumped up and down a couple times before breaking it out in song.

"If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!" He clapped his hands and waited for the logical aspect in front of him to do the same. Logan arched a brow, but obediently clapped his hands. He wasn't entirely sure what the point of that exercise was, but he had a feeling that participating would make Patton happy.

"You are very strange, Patton, but I adore you." Patton giggled with delight again and decided not to subject Logan to the rest of the silly song.

"Say Logan. I know you want to go stargazing sometime and because Thomas is STARting to think about it, I noticed that a planetarium appeared in the mindscape. Wouldja want to go with me sometime?" Logan froze, then a brilliant smile spread across his face.

"I...really??? You would want to go there...with me??? I will try not to 'info dump' on you, as they say. But yes, I would very much like to do that." Logan adored astronomy. Space was just...it was fascinating. Perhaps not as fascinating as Patton, but a very close second.  He knew the others often found his long rambling speeches about the facts he knew to be boring, so he vowed he would try to reign himself in this time. He realized this would be their first "date", and he wanted to make it an enjoyable experience for Patton, not a boring one. Just the thought of being able to share something he loved so much with Patton thrilled him to his core.

"Aww Logan. I love your info dump sessions! You get this twinkle in your eye and you talk for hours. It’s one of the few times I heard you happy in the dark days, but now I hear you happy all the time and I’m so very grateful for that!" Patton booped Logan's nose adorably.

Logan didn't think it was possible to love Patton more, but it would appear Patton was going to make a habit of proving him wrong. Something warm and soft filled his heart. Patton didn't find him boring! Logan blinked when he booped his nose, wiggling it a little, then leaned in and gave Patton another kiss, a little fiercer this time. Patton blushed at his kiss and gladly returned it a little rougher this time.

"Thank you, Patton. It....I have a question. Is it normal to feel love for another person increase? I wasn't aware it was an emotion that came in levels. Can I expect to continuously love you more?" Logan had no idea how emotions worked and this was genuinely confusing him.

"Oh Logan! There are so many emotions that come with love. Good ones, bad ones, funny ones, sad ones, but they are all needed inside of any relationship! And yes there are different intensities, but I'd be happy to show you them all. They can be a little overwhelming at first, just fair warning. Eheheh!" Patton took Logan's hand again. "Let me know if I seem too physically affectionate for you Logan, I just love you so much! And to think this only happened in a couple hours! What time is it now? 12? Eheheh it doesn't matter. Time will always fly when I'm with you." Logan smiled at that.

"Patton, I very much doubt you could ever be too physically affectionate with me. I love you as well, and I am pleased to have such an excellent teacher in this particular subject. Did you still want to work on the things in your room, or would you rather do something else? I find I am reluctant to leave your company."

Patton thought. "Hmmm...this morning you told me that there were some things that needed to be done for Thomas's schedule. Now if there’s something I know about relationships, it’s you always remind your partner to do their job. My rooms not going anywhere, but I don't want to leave your SIDE either. Eheheh. Is there something I could help you with on Thomas's schedule? Now granted I don't know the first thing about organization, but I'd love to help you if I can. Maybe after a few hours of that, then we can return to my room. What dya think?" Logan internally sighed. Yes, he knew he was shirking his responsibilities a little, but being with Patton, his infectious happiness, was addictive. He offered a sheepish smile.

"True, I do need to work out his schedule for the next few days. You're welcome to join me in my room for awhile while I work, but I'm not certain if my room would influence you or not? I would rather not put you at risk. I could always work in the commons, if that would be better?" Patton smiled widely at Logan’s offer.

"Oh! That’s even better! I can make lunch while you’re working and still talk to you! I might even have you taste test a couple things. I'm almost thinking that strawberry shortcake will be better dessert for lunch than dinner. Eheheh!" Patton sighed in contentment, taking a long once-over of Logan. "I'm so lucky Logan. You're really attractive. In your mind, heart, and physicality. Alright, I’ll stop getting distracted by the handsome in front of me and start fixing lunch. Sit somewhere where I can see ya!" He winked at him before walking into the kitchen.

Logan blushed bright red at the compliment and cleared his throat. "If anyone is lucky, I'm afraid it would have to be me. And you are....extremely aesthetically appealing." With that, he went to grab the items he would need from his room. Patton smiled to himself and prepared the ingredients for lunch.

Meanwhile, Roman had come to the clearing where the entrance to the ancient city was supposed to be, but he had a problem and no it was not leaf bugs this time. The door was covered by a demonic symbol and he had no idea what it meant or what it was. He honestly didn't want to get Virgil for fear of him thinking he was accusing him of being evil again, but the darker aspect seemed to have a larger knowledge of these kinds of things. With a sigh he sunk down and appeared in front of Anxiety's door and knocked. "Virgil? Are you in there. I...I need some help." Virgil was humming along with his music when he vaguely became aware of a knocking on his door. Groaning a little as he heard Princey's voice, he paused his ipod, pulled his headphones off and went to the door.

"Yeah? What's up, Sir Sing A Lot? Get lost on your way to the castle?" Roman pouted slightly and tapped his two pointer fingers together nervously before taking a large breath.

"IwastryingtogettothelostcitybuttherewasthisdemonicsymbolandidontknowwhatitmeansandIknewyoumightknowbutIdidn'twanttocomeandaskforyourhelpbecausewasIwasafraidyoumightthinkthatIthoughtthatyouwerethebadguyandIjustreallyneedyourhelpandImnotsurewhattodo." He stopped not even breathless at the long string of words that just flew from his mouth. Virgil blinked, taking a minute to run that giant run-on sentence through his mind at a slower speed.

"Oh, is that all? Don't sweat it, Princey. Show me what you found." He walked out, closing his door behind him and waited for Roman to lead the way. Roman relaxed, finding out that asking him was the right course of action to take. He smiled and beckoned him briskly walking towards his own room.

The door opened for both of them and Roman stepped inside with Virgil, a feeling of satisfying nostalgia sweeping over him. It had been a long time since Virgil had been on a quest with him willingly. The room shifted to bring them to a forest clearing with trees surrounding them touching the clouds above. Ahead of them lay a rock entrance with a demonic symbol painted across the door of it in a menacing black and sticky substance. The substance appeared to be dripping, but it never lost its form. A sense of uneasiness hung over the area. Virgil took one look at the symbol and immediately pulled Roman away from it.

"Nope, you want no part of that, Princey. That is a symbol for Vanity, one of the big 7. You have enough issues with that, we don't need your head getting any bigger." He carefully investigated, looking around the area. "Technically, the symbol means "vainglory" but it means the same thing. One's Old English, the other's modern. I wouldn't get any of that sticky shit on you if you can avoid it. You really sure you want to get through this door? I really doubt it's safe."

Roman took another more careful look at the demonic sign, honestly feeling no fear towards it. But, Virgil knew these things and if it was too much, then it was too much. But he had honor and he needed to keep it, perhaps there was another way around. He was about to turn around when a second demonic symbol appeared on the ground right behind him causing him to jump a mile.

"Great GASPby! A second one." He immediately took a step forward to avoid stepping on it and pulled Virgil slightly forward too by his arm. He released him shortly afterward. "Sorry..." He unsheathed his sword and manifested a second one handing it to Virgil. "Just in case." He growled watching around him as the trees seemingly grew taller and taller, the uneasiness shifting the feeling of a darker power in the air.

Virgil tentatively took the sword, although he knew literally nothing about how to use it. His heart was pounding, but he was here with Roman which meant "flight" was probably not an option. He had to protect the others and Thomas, that was his function. He stood back-to-back with Roman, watching the trees get taller and the world around them get darker.

"This is bad, Princey. Really bad. Can we sink out, or is that blocked?" Roman seethed glancing around.

"We can. But I'm not sure if we will appear in the mindscape or my room. This type of darkness has only ever happened one other time...and when I sunk down, I was plummeted into a void. I don't want to go through that again." Suddenly the ground around them turned into the black inky substance, leaving only the little patch of green grass they were currently standing on. The blackness turned into the same thick inky black substance the sigil's were made of, and it moved in the same way, except this time more violently. It rose like grass around them, enveloping the world into a black pit, vison impeded. In a moment of comic relief, Roman got an idea."Oh wait I got this." He cracked his sword and then shook it, until it glowed a brilliant green lighting up the area around them, the regular grass still standing underneath their feet.

Virgil stared at him. "Does...does my sword do that????"

"Oh yeah. Just crack it. Yours should be purple."

Virgil cracked his sword and shook it. Now a brilliant purple light emanated from his.  "Glow stick swords, SERIOUSLY???"

Roman laughed heartily. "Hey. My kingdom. My rules. I mean...for the most part." He turned to look out at the black emptiness around them, signifying this event really shouldn't be happening. A loud rumble turned their attention to the ground as it shook. A pile of the inky black substance began accumulating a little ways away from them. It shook and then roared, shooting whatever was under the black pile to the surface so that the two aspects could see whatever monster was hiding under there.

The light from the glowswords could define the creature clearly. It was deep black with orange outlines along the edges of it’s shape. It's legs came out of its body and was able to hold itself up. If Roman didn't know any better, he would say it looked like a walking, deranged...windmill? The blades on its nose twirled angrily, flinging the the inky black substance in every which way until the mirrors on its blades couldn't be more defined. They spun creating the illusion that there was a large circular mirror on the front of the windmill, reflecting the forms of the two aspects clearly back at them.

Roman stopped dead and stared at himself. Oh how helpless he looked, the weight of who he was baring down on him all at once. In a last effort before the mirror controlled his movements, he let out a plea in a shaky breath.

"Virgil sink out with me NOW!"

-- End of Arc 2 --

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Aliens, Clowns & Geeks Review: Sci-Fi Comedy Aims Low And Scores High

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No one sets out to make a cult movie. Most filmmakers aspire to commercial heights even if they only have the budgets for a B-movie. They see films like Blair Witch realign box office accounting and apply all kinds of quantum physics to mimic the exponential multiplication. Very few achieve it, and the ones which do usually do it by accident, and certainly not with serious intent. Aliens, Clowns & Geeks is not afraid to be ridiculous. It joins the ranks as such brave films as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, and Frankenhooker.

It is also so much more than these films, dripping with artistry, and yet considerably less, with masturbating aliens, pussy ping pong, and sphincter-pinching obelisks. Richard Elfman’s sci-fi comedy has an abundance of experimental fun and a happily reckless disregard for taste. It owes as much to Frank Zappa as it does to Frank Capra, and can in some ways be seen as a screwball comedy take on the 1955 film noir classic Kiss Me Deadly. For a silly film, Aliens, Clowns & Geeks summons serious plot twists. It captures the casual surrealism of the Marx Brothers in hyper-speed.

Though it’s not on the level as Forbidden Zone, how could it be? Elfman’s 1980 cult classic ranks way past closing time on the clock of midnight movies. Aliens, Clowns & Geeks is still completely original. Unlike other films where low budget hobbles creativity, this uses a lack of funds to its advantage. In some ways this is like Tim Burton’s Mars Attacks!, except done on one-thousandth of the budget and with 1/100th of the stars. Aliens, Clowns & Geeks marks the final feature film role for the late Verne Troyer (Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Goldmember, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone). His Clown Emperor Beezel-Chugg is a memorable turn. Narcissistic, lethal, and commanding, he is the Emperor of the Nine Planet Federation, and still gets hauled in for Illegal dwarf tossing.

The little clown who gets tossed around is played by Nic Novicki, but don’t feel too bad for him, he takes dirty pictures of nuns in porta-potties in his spare time. George Wendt plays a priest who condemns him to eternal damnation for it. French Stewart (Stargate, 3rd Rock from the Sun) gets the Fickle Finger of Fate Award for being able to maintain an Arte Johnson impression throughout a whole film as the German scientist Professor von Scheisenberg.

Mimicry is only one extra talent the actors bring into their roles. Rebecca Forsythe contorts her voice and face excruciatingly and exquisitely as Swedish lab assistant Helga. She’s studied quantum, subquantum and super-quantum dynamics, and delivers one of the greatest pickup lines in cinema history: “you would be surprised at how incorrect the calculations of many rocket scientists can be.” Her body proves to be equally supple whether during head-banging sex or in one-on-one martial arts combat.

No one quite makes the faces or shrieks the screams quite like Bodhi Elfman, who plays the lead, a jaded actor named Eddy Pine. Bohdi, the actor playing the actor, is a cartoon character masquerading as a person. His cynical Steve Buscemi-esque delivery grounds him even as the only missed opportunity in the film is a Looney Tunes sight gag where hens lay so many eggs they rise to the roof of Porky Pig’s barn. 

Happily, the camera turns away when the obelisk is introduced to the film. Whether it is just a worthless novelty or the key to the universe, Eddy’s anus is “the chosen portal.” The Chinese military wants the obelisk, there’s an intergalactic battle between alien clowns and green Martians over it, and Dr. von Scheisenberg wants to melt it down for clean energy. About a foot long, and looking like the Washington Monument with squiggly sub-particle lettering, it is also known as the jamtoid key, and is worth more than a three-picture deal, but “money won’t mean nothing if the world explodes.”

Elfman, who also directed Shrunken Heads, and Modern Vampires, has a background in theater, and uses troupe mentality by casting actors in multiple roles. Anastasia Elfman brings the fire of a true believer to five characters. Helga’s sister Inga is played by Angeline-Rose Troy, who also plays Eddy’s junkie-whore mother. The noises she makes in one particular chase scene is so alien and unexpected, it brings the whole movie to another level. Steve Agee plays Eddy’s recently transitioned Burlesque dancer and bar-owning sister Jumbo, as well as the chicken-suit wearing Eddy Pine. Richard Elfman plays the clown Da-Beep. Martin Klebba is an angry clown captain.

The final character is the original soundtrack, which upstages the action in the best of ways. Aliens, Clowns & Geeks could be called a musical, but not in the same way The Rocky Horror Picture Show is, even if there is gender fluidity flowing through it. For the film, Elfman reunited with the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo, who starred in Forbidden Zone. The score was written by Danny Elfman and Ego Plum. Danny Elfman wrote the theme song to The Simpsons, the music to Nightmare Before Christmas, and did the singing voice of Jack Skellington. Plum is best known for the noises he made for SpongeBob SquarePants and The Ghastly Love of Johnny X, but also plays in the band Mambo Demonico. Consisting of 75 minutes in a ninety-minute movie, the music makes the film unique. The diverse mix of genres makes the movie feel like live performance.

Aliens, Clowns & Geeks is laid out in the three-act story structure of classic comedies. It is zany, evoking the feel that logic has been usurped by the most unreasonable intrusions. The film opens on the road. The first victim is a large biker clown who is mind controlled to be some kind of monosyllabic Terminator-style obelisk retrieval machine. Eddy is taking his sorrows for a swim in the deep end of a dive bar. His network series, “Cry Me Dry,” was cancelled a day before it was set to air. Their first encounter is inadvertently suspenseful, as the clueless Eddie chalks up a seemingly random request to another day in Hollywood. 

The movie then takes on a science fiction turn while keeping to an LA Noir sensibility, albeit with frenetic sexcapades (“May you procreate and spread your clown seed wide”), campy caricatures, vampy vehicular battles, and trampy throughlines. Masturbating aliens remotely manipulate blond femme fatales with X-box controllers, making the conquest of earth look like a video game. This highlights the depersonalization of battle, intergalactic or terrestrial. This very human alienation is further accentuated every time the green aliens have to get approval from corporate. There are impossibly surreal scenarios, like a ménage à trois scene where Eddy’s on the bottom and the POV shows the two girls on top. The scene ends in a nuclear explosion, topping the fireworks display of the first climax of Deep Throat. There is a head exploding scene which is more over-the-top than Scanners.

As comedy, each of the set ups have great payoffs, and the running gags never trip up, even if Eddy slips into Shakespearean soliloquies before exiting, stage left. Elfman mocks Hollywood itself, pointing out that the Beverly Hills Police Department only takes calls from celebrities while actors kiss ass on Hollywood Boulevard all day. The film even throws in visual sight gags, like a bucket of brains which is kept in a joint compound container labeled “head stuff.” One character is reading a book called “The Strawberry Fields of Heaven by Blossom Elfman.”

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Aliens, Clowns & Geeks makes no apologies. You just have to go with it. Groucho Marx once advised if nothing else is getting a laugh, “drop your pants.” This turns out to be the greatest weapon of the movie. It saves the day as much as it lowers the bar. It is worshipfully irreverent, and politically incorrect. There is no shame nor the slightest consideration given to cancel culture. “Life is complicated, take if from the guy with a dick in a dress,” we are advised in the film. Even insane biker clowns may not be what they seem. Aliens, Clowns & Geeks is silly, goofy, stupidly intelligent, and absolutely what a mad scientist would order.

Aliens, Clowns & Geeks will be opening in a drive-in run, double billed with Forbidden Zone: Director’s Cut. Details will be announced. 

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