#at this point im fucking sobbing bc all of this is absolute bullshit to me

[dirtydobrik]

last kiss - d.d.

plot: you and david are dating and you get a job in australia and have to leave for six months. you and david both don’t want to break up but the distance eventually becomes too much and you have to end things

requested: yes! omggg can u pls do an imagine based on the song last kiss by taylor swift and it’s just really angsty? i always imagine if David was to ever break up with someone again it would really destroy him bc of how hard his break up with Liza was, and he would be like crying holding you begging you to stay and work things out even though you both know it can’t work out for the time being, idk maybe y/n is moving countries and living really far like in Australia for work for six months or something

author’s note: hi! this piece is all over the place, im sorry. i didn’t have time to edit this, so sorry in advance if there are typos. this was requested anonymously so hopefully it was something similar to what you wanted. 

if you want to send in a request for an imagine, send me a message! i am super behind on requests right now but i have a few pieces in progress that i am working on. i am hopefully back to posting daily as i am trying to get caught up.

word count: 1415

masterlist

"You're unbelievable. Absolutely fucking unbelievable!" David shouted, slamming the white ceramic plate he was holding against the counter top. But you didn't even flinch.

"I'm allowed to make my own decisions!" You shouted back. You could tell David was on the verge of tears.

"You can't just accept a job in Australia without even talking to me about it! We live together for God's sake. I should have had a say in this decision!" David was angry. He was angry that you kept it a secret for so long and he was angry that you were leaving.

"It's not your decision to make! My life doesn’t revolve around you!" You yelled, instantly regretting the harsh words you just said to your boyfriend. David felt his heart shatter with those words. "David, I didn't mean that," you spoke softly, but there was an emptiness in David's eyes and you knew he didn't want to hear your apologies.

“Your life shouldn't have to revolve around me for you to talk to me about a new job before agreeing to it."

"David, I'll only be gone for six months," you argued.

"I can't leave the fucking country!" David shouted, tears spilling out of his eyes now. The moonlight crept in through the kitchen window, illuminating his glossy red eyes.

"Dave," you sighed, your heart aching. "I'm sorry. I know I should've talked to you about this before I took the job. But I thought you'd be happy for me. I thought everything would be okay between us," you rambled, but David didn't want to fight anymore, so he just stopped talking. And he stopped listening to whatever bullshit you were saying to try to save yourself. But it was too late. David was done.

He grabbed a duffle bag from his closet and started throwing random items of clothes into it. He didn’t care what he had, he just needed to get out of the house. Grabbing his keys, David ignored the begging and pleading from you to stay and talk it out. He sprinted out to the garage, tossed his bag in the backseat, and broke down in tears in the driver's seat. David didn’t know where to go, knowing that anywhere he went, he would be easily found by you. You two had spent the last two years together, there was practically nothing you didn't know about him. David threw his cellphone onto the passenger seat, and started the car. He didn’t know  where he was going, he just needed to get away.

David drove around aimlessly, just trying to clear his mind. He didn't know where to go or who to talk to. Everyone knew the two of you as this perfect couple and he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that you made a life changing decision without even considering him or their relationship.

And it wasn't like you had taken a job in Chicago or New York or Boston or any other US city. Of course, he'd be mad if you had done that, but at least he'd be able to visit you. He couldn’t just book a flight to Australia and that's what hurt the most.

The sun was rising when David drove home. You were waiting up for him, desperately needing to talk. Sitting on the couch in one of his clickbait hoodie, you heard the front door swing open and immediately stood up to see David. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a mess. He looked tired and emotionless.

"Can we talk? Please?" you begged when he walked through the door. David sighed, but agreed, walking over to the couch and sitting next to you. "David, I'm so sorry. But it's only temporary. I'll be home before you know it and everything will be okay."

"We can't just put our relationship on hold for six months! And God, you know better than anyone that long distance relationships don't work out!" You froze. You couldn’t believe he was bringing up your past. "I mean, didn’t you say your move out to LA only temporary? You've been here for three fucking years. What's stopping you from moving to Australia forever?"

"You are!" you shouted.

"Oh, really? Is that the same thing your told your ex-boyfriend in New York before you moved out here? Look how that turned out," David scoffed and you felt sick to your stomach.

"Dave, what you and I have is nothing like what my ex and I had. I promise that I'll be coming back to you." You looked at  David, your eyes soft. "Six months, tops," you promised, and David sighed.

"I don't want you to leave."

"I know, bub. But I need to take this, it's huge for career." David understood that, he just didn't think you'd ever have to leave him for work. As much as it hurt him, he wasn't ready to let go of you.

 A few weeks later, all of your bags were packed and loaded into the trunk of David's Tesla. You had said your goodbyes to your friends last night, all of them promising to come out and visit you at some point, which only made David's heart ache more. He was trying to keep it together, but he knew that you two wouldn’t last, not with you being so far away and with him not being able to ever visit you.

The drive to the airport was filled with awkward silence and tension, both of you knowing what was coming but neither of you wanting to be the first to say it.

"Do you really have to go?" David asked, as you stood on the sidewalk outside the terminal. His eyes were watering and you quickly turned your head so he wouldn’t see your red eyes.

You swallowed and gave him a nod, knowing you wouldn’t be able to talk without breaking down.

"Please stay," he begged, his voice cracking as tears streamed down his face. Watching him cry made you cry. "I don't want to lose you."

"You aren’t losing me, Dave," you tried to reassure him, although neither of you were believing it. "Six months, tops. Remember?"

David choked out a sob and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his and rested your head on his chest. He begged you to stay and repeatedly said that things between you two would be okay. You weren't sure if he was trying to convince you or him, it was probably the both of you.

You gave him one last kiss before taking your bags and walking away. 

Trying to do long distance lasted about three weeks before it was too hard. You two were putting too much pressure on your relationship and trying to maintain it that it was unhealthy for the both of you. It was your idea to officially end things. You called him up in the middle of the night, although it was the middle of the day for David, and said you should break up. You told him that you still loved him and that you always would, but that it was too hard. You told him that you'd thought about it a lot and that it was too hard and too draining.

David's heart shattered with that phone call. He should have been expecting it, but he didn’t think it would come so quickly.

Breakups were hard, and David wasn't handling it well. He had now lost another person he loved and absolutely destroyed him. He couldn’t believe you had really left and he was questioning every part of your relationship. He couldn’t understand why you'd leave if you loved him. He had pictured himself marrying you and now you were gone.

It crushed him to see the pictures you posted from Australia and to see your friends visiting and raving to him when they came back. He couldn’t even bring himself to talk to you himself, he'd have mutual friends tell him about you, just to let him know that you were okay.

He wondered if you missed him as much as he missed you. It hurt David like hell to know that you were able to leave him with a broken heart, especially after everything he had told you about his breakup with Liza. He wanted you to change your mind and come back to him, but that didn't happen.  

He never thought you two would have a last kiss, and it left him heartbroken when he realized you did.

[jhindraven]

okay now that issue 6 is out and ive read the thing like 3 times, im gonna do my full review/breakdown of the zed comic and allll my thoughts on it.

no screenshots bc i dont want this to be longer than it is already, and also im not gonna talk about the art itself either. this is simply about the characters, the story, and how that relates to the lore of league itself.

all of this is my opinion, you can agree or disagree with me whatever, yadda yadda lets begin

ISSUE ONE

Probably the best one? In my opinion. The lack of expectations really helped this one not suck. Also the most consistent when it comes to characters personalities, comparing them to the in-game voice lines from league and the card game.

There are scenes in issue 1 that almost foreshadow, or at least reference, the events of Issue 6, specifically Zed looking up to the statue of Kusho, and how Zed kills Althon vs how Zed kills Kusho later on.

The dialogue between Shen and Akali is.. a little clunky? Shen’s dialogue is just a little. formal. but to the point that he sounds like he’s lecturing a stranger, not talking to a former student.

Jhin giving Zed his scalpel from 19 years ago is a neat detail that I wish they used more in the story. Sure, we can assume now that Jhin probably only got it because Kusho gave it to him at some point after releasing him- which means that the scalpel is one of the many wasted plot opportunities I’ll bring up here. Part of the appeal of that scene, if only just for me, was the idea that Jhin stole it from Zed while he wasn’t looking. I remember people pointing out background characters and being like “but what if that’s Jhin there! what if he was there all along!!”  But that has now been thrown out the window.

A thing I wish they did was shown more of Jhin’s ‘performances’, even if only in a montage. To show more of the impact this had on Zed and Shen, the strain it put on them mentally and emotionally, and how it affected their relationship. But I understand time and probably page restraints. So whatever about that.

Again, I think this was the best one. Set up the story well, showed why everything happening is important for the character. Neat, cool. Let’s move on

ISSUE 2

Seeing the bodies was pretty fucked up, but tbh? That shit vibed. It’s one of those things I hoped they were gonna do and they did. The bodies looking like porcelain with gold blood?? And the peacock feathers???? Thats fuckin cool as hell.  Then they never did it again.

In the flashback comes one of the worst fucking things in this comic. Yevnai.

Listen I adore Yevnai as a character, one of my favourites to come from the comic. You know, in the ONE ISSUE SHE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP IN????? She shows up as simply conflict between Shen and Zed (which never actually comes up mind you), as bait for Jhin, and for? Zed to show that he can sense magic from her kids to show that she’s been cheating on her husband with Quno the vastayan servant (bc we know Zed hates vastaya i guess?). oh and Guess What? the sensing magic thing also doesn’t show up again. 

Oh and Jhin follows Zed to Yevnai’s place. But nothing happens from that.

Issue 2 was good, but just a total waste imo. A lot of plot points set up only to never happen again. Best things about it were dead bodies, Jhin’s tiny Zed and Shen puppets, and the knowledge that Shen still writes letters to Yevnai :’(

ISSUE 3

I got so fucking pissed when this issue came out, no shit. They took the events of The Man With The Steel Cane and just. Threw it out the window. I did a whole other post about my issues with it so I won’t just rewrite the same shit twice. But I had to actually stop reading and pace angrily for a bit. I HATE issue 3 bro.

The scene with Kusho :) . Good to know that was now a waste of misdirection because EVERYONE seemed to call that Kusho was still alive. What bullshit. But I’ll get to that.

The inconsistencies in character really show in this one. And that connects to it being a shitty rewrite of The Man With The Steel Cane. They probably wanted a fight between Shen and Zed by this point, being halfway through the comic, and just shoved it in there. Doesn’t mean I’m not mad about it.

Akali and Kayn’s dialogue was probably the best thing in the entire issue. I don’t vibe with Akali/Kayn as a ship personally, but it got a giggle out of me im ngl.

Akali attacking Zed. I guess yeah sure she would. Fits her whole “fuck you i wont do what you tell me shen” vibe. But SHEN? calling off the armistice between the yánléi and kinkou due to the actions of one of HIS ex-students?? Shen would never. Let’s add another point to the ‘This Is Really Out Of Character’ board!

The sworn and witnessed scene was nice, it’s what Kayn deserves. Finally knowing the Kashuri Faction was nice, too bad they never get fucking mentioned ever again I guess.

There’s so many references to The Man With The Steel Cane that they could’ve implimented so much better, especially dialogue. I can’t read the original story without feeling cheated out of what it was before Issue 3. So more wasted potential I guess.

Issue 4

This was a big step up from Issues 2-3. My personal favourite, but not the best (if that makes sense). But there isn’t too much to talk about here? Jhin sets off his bombs from the last issue, it looks cool, but there’s no real story to talk about here. There is a lot of character stuff to talk about though.

Zed choosing to save Shen over getting Jhin is fucking HUGE for Zed as a character. For a character so hellbent on vengence throughout the entire thing choosing instead to save his "hated enemy and closest friend” ?? im sobbing.

This whole comic was emotional as hell, and the most character development we ever fucking saw in this thing. From Zed’s daddy issues to the realisation that Zed’s shadows are shades of Jhin and Kusho (which is now fucking hilarious and makes no sense after Issue 6).

There was a lot of setup for plotpoints that actually did show up later for once, like Kayn being the temporary leader and all that jazz. What it had in emotion, it seemed to lack in real story progression until the end. 

Issue 5

This issue was weird for me. Like there was a lot of plot and a lot of character shit that seemed so condensed that it felt like nothing. Zed’s confession in the cell-wagon and the information that Shen was out fighting Noxians too? Alright, sure okay. 

Shen still seems wildly out of character for me, since we mostly know him as this beacon of peace and calm- he’s so violent towards Zed all the time it’s strange. Like he points a sword at Zed while saying that he isn’t allowed to kill Jhin, wtf

The callback to Awaken is fucking superb. Really solidifies that video into the lore of the game. Camille being mentioned had me like :hearteyes: This is a nitpick- but I wish we knew what happened at the end of Awaken. Is Camille okay? Did Jhin get injured? It was a week ago, if he did get injured- where and how did he recover so fast? Little details  that I wanna know, not really for any real story purposes.

Rhaast finally showing up :hearteyes:, nothing else to add bc nothing else happened with him.

Jhin making the most of Piltoven technology is really cool, and its a scene that made me go “OH YEAH he was a stagehand for a good period of time!!”  That’s what we call Tying In Pre-Existing Lore fellas.

Jhin just really shined in this issue. Really set him up to be The Big Bad of the comic, like he had a monologue and everything! Once again, though, that gets absolutely wasted by Issue 6.

Issue 6

Where do I fucking start?

Let’s start with Jhin. I don’t know about yall, but since we spent a solid 5 issues chasing after him I expected more of a dramatic fight. More like the explosions in Issue 4. But uh we got. Some fancy prop work before he got punched in the face twice and thrown on the ground. It’s What He Deserves but like you know, he deserved worse.

As much as I didn’t want it to happen, I’m disappointed they didn’t unmask him at all. His mask was still fucking pristine by the end of the fight!! Not a scratch, not a chip!! But to be fair I think we got maybe 2 pages worth of a physical fight with Jhin so,, sure. Whatever. Out goes 5 issues of setting up? Not to downplay the conflict in that scene of course, I think it was pretty cool. It was just so anticlimactic at the end like wh-

Kusho! Haha they got us good!! The dead dude is actually still alive oooo~ [heavy sarcasm]. Why. It wasn’t a good twist! It was a “oh. okay yeah sure” twist. This might be my heat of the moment response but I have no words for how cheap and absolutely horseshit that twist is. Good thing we only have to think about it for 10 pages because HE FUCKING DIES AGAIN. WHAT A WASTE!!

Whatever, whatever, thinking about it makes me so mad because they set it up barely in Issue 5? I’m just tired this actually drained me irl.

At least we have baby Kayn and good dad Zed at the end to cleanse us of that.

HEY actually did you know that they thought that Good Dad Zed was considered contoversial by Marvel’s editors?? HUH????

whatever, whatever. i’m pissed. 

BONUS SHIT

So Jhin’s lore has now had an update to connect with the comic. And it’s fucking weird. Now suddenly Kusho didn’t care about catching Jhin after he found out it was just a human person murdering people? And that it was essentially Not Their Job anymore??? excuse me??

CONCLUSION?

This comic started with a good beginning and a lot of potential. It brought up so many new theories and so many new headcanons. But all that potential and all that interesting story got washed away with unconnected plot points, ‘important’ characters that show up once, and a cheap twist ending that simultaneously came out of nowhere and was easily predicted (in the bad way). It was a fun read for a while, but the ending has soured the experience I had reading it.

Some issues may come from time + page constraints, and the limitations of the medium. But those were mostly minor issues. I wanna give the artists and the writers the benefit of the doubt, maybe blame Marvel as I like to do. But...

6 months worth of waiting for an ending like this? I’m just disappointed.

[caandlelit]

anon this is actually the best thing ive ever seen,,, the league are literally those assholes at the snuggly duckling!! holy shit

and all they need for them to get out of their slumps and mid twenties washed up criminal angst period is an overexcited preppy blonde to hype them the fucK uP about anything and everything

hawks doesnt have magical hair that glows when he sings im sorry anon i refuse to allow that 

but??? he can have wings?? white angel wings that turn red when someone pulls a feather out 

but he can absolutely still do the feather telekinesis bullshit and the feathers are the real useful thing, they like shed or something and they’re all soft and still knife sharp so thats why his captor hides him 

‘his captor’ dont ask me who idfk

and when dabi eventually cuts them off like the hair in the movie, theyll grow back, except red, and hawks can shrink them super small but he cant move the feathers

whats hawks' dream tho???? he wouldnt care about no floating lantern bullshit

oh i got it his dream is to fly, free and uncaged. kinda terrible that he has wings but cant fly because hes stuck in a tower press f for respects

okay but,,,our man dabi is literally flynn rider im losing my shit

great youve actually got me writing a tangled au fucking woW anon i hope ur proud of urself

he goes to the bar a lot and they werent really mad about him having a wanted poster they were just worried and the fighting before the singing scene was their way of showing that they care

his real name is something else and he goes by a name he thinks is cool and hes a criminal and he falls in love with a beautiful blonde theyre literally the same person who r we kidding

but the bar scene!!!

dabi, who at this point wants to get hawks off his back and hasnt yet realized he actually wants him on his dick: hey lets go to this bar full of the most murderous people i know

hawks: okay!

hawks walks obliviously inside the bar

and then screams

because within a seconds the door around dabi is suddenly full of knives thudding into the wood one by one and he doesnt even look phased

and hes,,what the fucK hes beaming????

"aw hi toga its good to see you, too"

'fucking kill yourself you fucking asshole'

dabi strolls up to the bar with his hands in the pockets of the trenchcoat that shigaraki is severely regretting buying for him for christmas and hawks follows with wide eyes while everyone stares at the audacity of this asshole who just left the league and now he shows up again like who tf does he think he is?? and who is that absolute babe behind him what the hell how come dabi always gets the hot ones

he leans his elbow on the bartop and grins and goes, in the fake rich (except actually rich but no one really knows his sob story) voice that everyone curses the use of because it always makes them laugh and theyre mad at him right now goddammit: "kurogiri, your finest lager please"

shigaraki loses it and yells "fuCK YOU", bodily throws himself at him, ready to fucking beat his ass all the way to australia even though it hasnt been discovered yet in this universe

and then spinner tries to tug him back but twice pushes him forward because, bar fight, hell yeah, and then everyones fucking going at it and bodies are grappeling and punches are being thrown and shins are being kicked and honors are being defended

and hawks is like whaT the fUCK is hAPPEniNG!!

hawks tries to pull dabi out and gets a fist in the side for his troubles and he backs off, wincing and clutching at his ribs, but hes talking all the while, trying to reason over the din, babbling about how, hey, maybe we should think this through, but no ones listening

he finally loses his cool and screams, "stOP!!"

they stop and everyone is looking at him

hawks, passionately: hes trying to heLP me! yeah, hes an asshole, (*muffled dabi in the background, held in a chokehold courtesy of magne* 'heY') but he saved me and helped me escape from my prison and he's taking me to fullfil my dreaM! what, you think you can beat the bitch out of him? have some humanity! havent any of you ever had a dream before??

shigaraki squints at him, the sheer brightness of this holy being confusing him into actually wondering what his dream is, magne leans back thoughtfully, absently tightening her arm around dabi's throat making him let out a strangled noise, twice scratches his head and toga stares at hawks with heart eyes bc hes an angel

kurogiri: huh. yes actually i had,, a dream.. once..

*everyone turns around to gape at him, including hawks bc he didnt really think that would work*

“-ive always fancied myself a bit of a bartender you know, not like at this scraggly place, no offense, but at a high-end establishment, some place classy and aesthetic. its always been my dream to own a nice bar or a club, respected and in the city”

 queue more gaping and everyone absorbing this information about kurogiri and then ,,,,,everyone starts talking about dreams they once had about a better life and hawks is beaming and dabi is staring at the floor wondering why he ever thought hawks wouldnt be adored by these assholes on sight

anyone can like. take this base and run with it i have ??no?? idea?? what to do next rip

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

[nat-20s]

top 5 breakdowns youve had over david tennant doctor who episodes?

okay okay okay so this is biased bc I’ve been rewatching the donna season and she’s my favorite but let’s GO

5. HE BLEW UP A SUN. TO SAY GOODBYE. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT’S LOVE BITCH!!!! AND THEN HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO PROPERLY SAY I LOVE YOU I SCREAMED. I don’t actually remember which episode this was but I do remember that I was, as the kids say, Big Oof over it 

4. The ending of family of blood like holy shit. Holy shiiiiiittt. I think that even though we knew he was a no second chances kind of guy (which i could write so much on holy fuck am i back on my bullshit) that was the first time that it, like, hit me not only the things he was capable of but the kind of person he was capable of being was actually cruel. I think I had to sit down and reassess things after that.

3. Fires of Pompeii. Just all of it. Donna hearing where they’re at and what day it is and IMMEDIATELY trying to save people. The doctor being so so resignated and her being like umm??? fuck that actually??? Her learning about how much awful knowledge is stored up in his head. Them pressing the lever together, her deliberately reaching out so that he doesn’t have to take the burden of that decision alone. Him watching everybody suffering with practiced outward indifference and her sobbing, feeling all of their suffering, having to watch and STILL desperately trying to save them. The doctor leaving while Donna is watching the family and her having to leave them for a moment and her begging for him to go back. Them finally getting to reach out and save them. the fact that this moment is so vital that FUCKING TWELVE CHOSE HIS FACE TO BE REMINDED OF THE LESSON DONNA TAUGHT HIM I FUCKING CANT DEAL WITH THIS

2. I. DONT. WANT. TO. GO. I think we all collectively lost our fucking MINDS over that ending. David tennant was like: soft. Crying. and I was like SCREAMS. Also the fact that his doctor not from saving like the whole world or galaxy or universe but just so that he can save Wilf, even though Wilf begs him not to and is willing to sacrifice his life?????? Is so wonderful, like, thematically, and also fucking wrecks me.

1.Journey’s end? More like journey’s end my heart. I think I have yet to be so thoroughly traumatized by a character’s ending except maybe the end of bbc merlin. This one might be worse though. It’s been a decade and I get NO closure and I’m fuck. Like when Donna starts to repeat words and both you and the doctor know what’s coming and it’s absolutely fucking devastating to the point where, if you’re like me, going back to the earlier adventures with them is so much worse. Also just like 12 year old me and now year old me both projected pretty heavily onto donna so it’s all just fuckin rough. AND THEN!! AND THEN HE SAYS HIS LAST GOODBYE TO HIS BEST FRIEND AND SHE DOESN’T RECOGNIZE HIM AND BARELY EVEN NOTICES HIM LEAVE AND IM FUCKING CRYING ALL OVER AND IM JUST. This ending is so fucking much!!! Because it’s so tragic on BOTH ends!! Like I know TECHNICALLY donna is okay but you gotta wonder!!! We KNOW she felt like there was something missing from her life before she ever met him so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to believe that happens again but like 10 times worse!!! You GOTTA wonder if she goes through life feeling like there should be someone wonderful at her side, a best friend, a platonic soulmate, but there isn’t, and she, from her perspective, is desperately missing someone she’s never met. I’m!! Fucked up!!!! Also also also i read a snippet from a doctor who magazine that was like “a lot of people fancied the doctor but he was happiest when he was Donna Noble, his nest mate” and I’m losing my SHIT okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD she was like..willing to die so that she didn’t have to forget what the fuck what tHE FUCK!!! WELCOME BACK TO ME SCREAMING

Honorable mentions:

the hand wall scene with ten and rose you know the one. Planet of the ood is A Lot, like when he lets her hear their song of captivity big oof big big oof. The fakeout in song of sauntarun (i have no idea how you spell this) where Donna is like “i have to go home” and he just immediately breaksdown and is like trying to convince her of all the amazing sights they still need to see and the fucking LINE YOU’VE SAVED MY LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS ooF PRESS F TO PAY RESPECTS BECAUSE I DIED. Actually all of season 4 is just me having a breakdown because they really fuckin love each other so much and make each other so happy and I know how it ends and knowing how it ends I STILL have to watch them make big goofy grins at each other and go off on adventures and delight in each others company ALL WHILE KNOWING THEY’RE GONNA LOSE IT anyway tldr I love Donna and I’m crying

[perissologist]

(that last ask wasnt meant to be anonymous lol) but wow. i just watched it and i havent even been a fan of daenerys since like season 4 but i feel so bad for her character,,, the writers completely fucked her character up and idc that people are saying "oh it was hinted" cause it just felt so rushed. 10 years of character development !! down the drain!!!! and dont get me started on jaime im just mad worse than endgame aksdfjhajkdfregt8hbiudfhk jnmeokpr394tgr

ok i’ve been stewing on this all day at work and ultimately the problem is not that dany goes mad, but that she goes mad with so little build-up. like she’s definitely always been vicious and willing to get what she wants “with fire and blood,” but she’s never harmed innocents, and it’s a huge leap to go from “dany executes slavemasters, rapists, and those who refuse to follow her rule” to “dany slaughters hundreds of thousands of civilians, including women and children, exactly one minute after they fully surrendered to her, including the soldiers, and thus became effectively her own subjects.” this is the girl that locked her own children, the things she loves most in this world, in the catacombs while sobbing because they were uncontrollable and killing civilians. 

as others have said, foreshadowing does not actually amount to writing out a story arc. no amount of references to dany’s insane relatives/snide comments about targaryen madness makes what she did at king’s landing logical, BUT, even with so little build-up, if d&d really wanted to commit to Mad Queen Dany, they could have done so in a way that made way more sense and is way more in line with dany’s character than what actually happened. cersei was using innocents as human shields inside the red keep, dany could have flown straight to the castle and tried to extract cersei but, upon realizing she couldn’t get to cersei without killing the human shields first, bites the bullet and burns the whole thing down just for the satisfaction of knowing she’s roasted cersei. cersei, upon seeing that all of her defenses have fallen, could have requested an audience with dany, presumably to negotiate, and instead of hearing her out dany could have burned her on the spot in front of tyrion and jaime. there are so many other ways d&d could have completed the Mad Queen arc, but instead, they chose the route that is completely unjustifiable from any standpoint and absolutely kills all of dany’s character distinction as an inherently compassionate person who cares about the innocent. dany’s wholesale slaughtering completely obliterated all subtlety and complexity to her Mad Queen arc. and it feels like d&d knew this, bc after dany first starts burning, we then just get like, a full 40 minutes of civilians being brutally slaughtered, as if d&d are going “see!!! she’s awful!!! look at what she’s doing!!!! aren’t you so mad at her, bitches be crazy right!!!” they really could have used that runtime to play out a more complex storyline but instead chose to use it for empty deaths just to justify their own choices. 

even with all of that, the thing that stings the most is not just the undermining of a complex, flawed female character, but the undermining of her FOR JON SNOW. d&d can argue that they turned dany into an antagonist because the whole point of the show is that there is no True Ruler and no one is perfect/destined to rule, not the noble heroes nor the smartest villains…..except for apparently jon snow, THE most whitebread hero in the entire show??? dany has been victorious for too long so it’s time her pursuit of power corrupts her……….and we all know jon snow would be the better ruler anyway?!?! got is infamous for having no purely good or purely bad characters, but if there’s a cookie cutter hero on the show who doesn’t get quickly axed for being such, it’s jon snow…..and HE’S the “chosen one,” when you’ve been telling us along there are no chosen ones????? this better pivot to jon dying or something and sansa being the one who actually takes the throne, because otherwise it literally feels like the show spent 7 seasons building itself as complex and adult and then throwing it all out the window and letting a 12 year old write the ending 

with all of that said…….jaime and cersei’s deaths were absolute bullshit 100% and don’t even deserve any analysis because they cannot be justified whatsoever. if you end a character’s arc in a way that that arc itself could have just as easily not happened, newsflash asshole, you’re bad at this. the most infamous complex female villain in popular media gets killed crying in a CAVE IN??? there’s no fucking justice 

[franeridart]

dude your recent demon & angel kiribaku art reminds me a little bit of aziraphale and crowley from good omens!! like aziraphale would be angrier as baku obvs but still i thought of it and it made me happy lol

A lot of people have mentioned that in the tags/under the post and that makes me!!! super happy!!!! Good Omens is one of my fav books and Crowley one of my fav characters, so the comment feels nice! I wasn’t specifically thinking about them when drawing it, but possibly a bit I was influenced anyway!! I wonder if what made everyone think about them was Kiri’s sunglasses? It’s not noticeable but I did give him glowing eyes too after all haha

Anon said:Have you ever thought about how op a TodoBakuDeku fusion would be? (if they could stay together that is lol!)

Never thought of it tbh, but at this point I’m pretty sure with a lot of work on Baku’s part they’d be able to stick together long enough! He wouldn’t find it comfortable but they’d def be one of the strongest three-people-fusions in the class - not the strongest, tho, since they all have the same sort of straightforward offensive power when it comes to their quirks, I think I could find three people who’d make a stronger fusion... Baku Kiri and Momo, for example, would be even more impressive imho! Since all their quirks cover a different field, and their minds/personalities mesh well enough to have the right amount of planning and instinctive reaction/self-preservation and safety of others/pride and self-doubt/lawfulness and chaotic acting and so on. Even just as a team, without counting them as a fusion, I think they’d make one of the most balanced ones! Compared to that putting Todo Deku and Baku in the same place is just a recipe for disaster more often than not haha

Anon said:no, i move slow, I wanna stop time, I'll sit here til I find the,, inspiration to draw,,,,,,

LMAO it’s a song about art block after all, I feel every word in it a whole damn lot hahaha

Anon said:Art block or no art block, I love everything you come up with 💜

AW HECK ANON you’re so sweet!!! Thank you so much!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Mixing thei hero names? So uuuh King Riot?

We still don’t know Baku’s hero name, so anything might be, really! It’s why I didn’t outright have Kiri mention any idea, I got no clue myself where he was going with it haha it’d be cool if his hero name were Ground Zero, because it’d mix well with Red Riot imho (Red Zero or Ground Riot or Red Ground, they all sound nice!) but what if Baku’s hero name ends up just being Katsuki, after all? How do you mix that with Red Riot? (the answer is Red Victory, or Akatsu!! from akai (red) + katsu !! ngl I’ve thought about this a lot lmao) anyway so many possibilities so little known facts!

Anon said:I love the details on Kiri and Baku's skin. Great job!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:!!!!!!!!!! fran oh my god your zine piece is so beautiful!!!!!!!

Sob thank youuu!!!! I’m glad you liked it!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got my zine and the art and writing was so lovely, i loved your comic at the end. an amazing way to end the zine♡

THANK YOU!!!! I’m jelly, I still haven’t gotten mine ;O; I hope the comic was easy to read even in printed form, I’ve been worried about that for months hahaha rip at least there’s the pdf

Anon said: i’m in love with your kiri bday art!!!! with the colorless art like that, are we allowed to color it? of course no posting it, but just for fun.

If you promise not to post it, I’m cool with it! Thank you for liking it enough to want to do that!!! Seriously tho don’t post it if you do

Anon said:Can you draw more kamisero? g u d q u a l i t y s h i p ma' dude.

Maybe? Currently it really isn’t between my top priorities but who knows

Anon said:FRANNNNN!!!! Your comic for the Take My Hand zine!!!! I'm gonna cry! It's so beautiful and the boys are so perfect! Your art is so amazing, I was so thrilled to see your piece. Not to mention the detail you put in. Their hands killed me! With Bakugou's palms and Kiri's arms! Ugh, I just can't, I love it so much.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE HANDS it’s weird bc that one panel is probably my fav in the comic and I was so sure no one was gonna really notice it but!! So many people did!!!!! It makes me so happy oh man ;O;

Anon said:Hey coulda maybe make a traitor Kaminari comic?

Nope! No traitor arts here, sorry! SInce I don’t believe any of the theories to the point of finding them outright laughable, any art I could ever make about it would just come out looking either fake or ridiculous and no one wants to see that lmao

Anon said:your take my hand comic!!! it's so good!! thank you for doing the boys so well ;;;

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I don't know if you remember, but a couple months ago I asked if it'd be okay for me to write something based on a few of your art pieces. Would that still be alright? Your art is gorgeous and makes my brain think and brings joy to me all the time ^^ would absolutely link to the art and credit you. that's not even a question :)

That still depends on which art you’re specifically talking about! And thank you so much for the compliment!!

Anon said:I don’t know if you read fan fiction, but I have one to suggest to you! It’s called, “It’s Obvious When You Lie”. Only three chapters are out so far, but it’s really good!

I’ll add it to my marked for later list then!! Thank you so much for the rec, I don’t easily try out ongoing fics so this was very nice of u!!!

Anon said:In the body switch AU Todoroki sees how fucked up Midoriya feels around Bakugou('s body?) and realizes wow fuck this guy has traumatized my bf. I wonder what I can do to fuck w/ him so the day before they switch back (So Bakugou can't do much in retaliation) he takes Bakugou's body and does the stupidest bullshit ever as revenge

HECK anon sorry but nothing like this would happen ever as long as I’m the one writing the AU! For three main reasons! One, I don’t think Deku is traumatized at all! His relationship with Baku at the moment is actually pretty damn neat and on equal footing, you go you two, growing so much!! Two, Baku and Todo are friends!!! And Todo would never be a dick to Baku instead of just talking to him, if he had a problem with him!! Three, even if one and two weren’t true, Deku has no need for knights in shining armor fighting his battles for him!! He’s a strong independent boy and if he hasn’t fought Baku over this it’s probs cause he doesn’t want anyone to fight him over it!!! Also in this specific AU Todo and Deku aren’t dating, so the scenario doesn’t work for me! Sorry!

Anon said:Have you ever thought about krbk wedding?

I have! And I’ve talked about it on here a few times too! Lately I’ve been thinking about it again tho, from a designs point of view, because!! There’s that very neat post going around tumblr about that wedding photos in which one of the two grooms has a white tux with a cape, and I’ve been thinking about a variation of it for Kirishima’s wedding suit :0 something red instead of white, but generally similar! It’s a lot of effort to draw it so I still haven’t, but yeh!!

Anon said:Hello! I read this fic about your cat comics and the author said to send you some love in their end notes so here is some well-deserved love: your art is beautiful! It's why I became interested in BakuShima and I would not have loved these characters as much if it weren't for you. You also seem to be a very nice person, your mind is beautiful and I am glad you exist

G O DS this is such a nice ask!!!! thank you so so much!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Non chiedo una risposta a questo messaggio, anzi. Volevo solo dirti che trovo la tua arte FANTASTICA, e non sai quanto i tuoi comic e tutto il tuo lavoro mi ha strappato più di un sorriso in brutti momenti. Sapere che sei italiana mi ha fatto totalmente impazzire. Continua così, hai del talento vero. E grazie!

NUHHHH GRAZIE A TE PER ESSERE COSI’ GENTILE OMFG !!!!!!!!!! ;A;

Anon said:Okay okay okay! I adore your art! Could you maybe... draw some KiriBaku fantasy? If it’s not too much to ask! It can be as simple as can be! Your art is just really cute!

Yes I can and yes I will!!! Definitely and in the near future, did you know one of the app games JUST revealed a fantasy wolf Baku as a special halloween chara?? It’s just fantasy Baku with wolf ears and tail, but he’s adorable and I’ve been wanting to draw him since I saw him this morning ;O; so cute!

Anon said:Pssst. Singer Baku, Guitarist Kami, and Drummer Kiri. A good hc if I do say so myself.

It IS a great thought!! Drummer Kiri and Singer Baku have always been a weakness of mine too, so heck!! What a good image! If we put Jirou on bass and vocals too and sero on keyboard and mina on guitar, you make my fav band right then and there hahaha

Anon said:I'm not in the BNHA fandom at the moment but your art still continues to give me the warm fuzzies

GODS ISN’T THIS A NICE ASK!! I’m happy I can make you enjoy even characters you’re not specifically into! Thank you so much for sticking around!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got into bnha and fell in love with your art, started going through your sketch tag, and then realize that youre the person who made a bunch of haikyuu comics i loved a while ago so im! very glad to rediscover your stuff!!

HOLY GODS THAT’S NEAT!!! Welcome back!!!! ;O;

Anon said:I love it when you draw kiri with his hair down 💕💕💕 so good, so pure 💕💕💕💕

Oh boy thank you!! ;O; he’s so much easier to draw with his hair spiked for me, knowing people like the way I draw his hair when down means a whole damn lot!! 

Anon said:Hello! First I love your account and artwork! Second will you ever be drawing Mako and Taiyou again? They are so adorable! Also Bakugou and Kirishima seems like amazing dad's!

Thank you!!! And yes I will! I have another ask around here asking about them, so maybe soon! Just gotta find the right idea to draw, I got a bunch but they’re all way too long for my curret attenton span level sadly hahaha rip

Anon said:lmaaaaooo my boi kaminari be having an emotional awakening

Kaminari is like, he’s always somewhere subconsciously known that Baku’s objectively pretty, but since he knows him so well and he’s always around him and most of the times they’re bickering and making fun of each other he’s never actually realized, so now he’s like oh, NOW I see it hahaha

Anon said:hi u probably get this enough but I wanted to give u all my appreciation for ur art thank u for sharing it with us I love everything u post ♡♡♡

THANK YOU!!!! It might be greedy of me but this sorta asks are never enough for me, so seriously thank you for taking your time to drop by and be so nice!!!

Anon said:Could you please draw more of the body swap au? Or what if a different pair of students were to switch?

I’m not gonna draw any other switch with other students, because before settling on Baku and Todo I went through a lot of possibilities and came to the conclusion that nothing would be as funny as Baku and Todo switched are (or at least nothing Horikoshi hasn’t already done himself lmao) so there’s that. I might draw more of them switched, but to be honest with you the only idea with that concept I have right now is Bakugou forgetting he’s suddenly taller and continuously walking into things around the dorms, so there’s that as well hahaha

[bagelbite]

so my thoughts on endgame

yes this does contain spoilers and yes, i will continue to tag any of my spoilers as “endgame”

did i hate the movie? no. it had many very good moments that i will list before i list the problems i had with it

i LOVED all of the humor like they did that so well. like when steve was fighting his younger self and young steve says “i can do this all day” and now steve goes “yeah i know” in this just tired voice. and americas ass. and all of the jokes about rocket being a raccoon. and hulk taking pictures with the kids and then when rocket and hulk were sitting in the back of the truck. when tony threatened to sell all of morgans toys. korg playing fortnite. the whole scott coming back the wrong age bit. hulk having to walk down the stairs. when tony told steve that if he dropped the shield one more time he was gonna keep it. like there were so many parts that were just so funny and i loved it.

i loved all the tender moments. that little moment of friendship between nat and steve where she calls the avengers her family. i was SOBBING when tonys daughter was revealed and at literally every interaction between them. the fact that tony wasnt even going to build the time machine until he saw peters picture and thw fact that he had peters picture at all. tony telling nebula “you won” and her freezing bc shes probably never heard that before. the fact that both nat and clint refused to let the other one die (which was the truest form of love i have ever seen, not romantic but just genuine platonic love. also not that bullshit thanos called love for the very same stone). the moment when clint was looking around for his family and couldnt find them so he was just running back and forth not knowing what to do. im not even going to mention tony and peter’s reunion or goodbye because i was sobbing like a child the entire time. quill thinking for a second that gamora was back. when pepper told tony “we’re going to be okay” and you think she means the world and humanity but she really means her and morgan. the entire interaction between tony and his dad. there were so so many parts that just hit me so hard.

i loved all the heroic parts. carol showing up outside the ship with tony and nebula. steve standing up with his shredded sheild, still fighting on. the fact that steve can fUCKING WEILD THORS HAMMER LIKE BRUH. also that sick combo he did with the sheild and the hammer. the hail hydra moment because steve is so incredibly smart and knows how to work a situation. all of those bad ass women gathering to fucking destroy thanos. the circle opening up and revealing tchalla and shuri and okoye walking out, silhoutted by the light and the wakandan battle cry. the fact that the canons recognized that carol was the largest threat around and firing at the atmosphere to try and stop her and she just fucking rips through them like nothing. carol beating the shit out of thanos and him having to literally hold the power stone in his hand to beat her. that moment where you see all of the heros lined up ready to fight. “i am iron man”.

obviously there are more of every moment, and i loved all of them.

but.

that doesnt mean that i liked the movie. and heres why:

1) thor’s literal character assassination. i reblogged a few posts (that you can find in my endgame tag) that explain this better than i will be able to but bruh. the russo brothers did thor so fucking dirty and it makes me pissed. they made him fat purely for the laughs (which someone pointed out an emphasis on the fact that they literally edited his weight out of the trailers because they wanted to use it as a gag in the movies). also, they blatently ignored and made fun of the fact that thor OBVIOUSLY was grieving and blamed himself for how things had turned out. he has lost literally everything in his life: his home, his father and mother, his brother, his best friend - and now the man who wiped out half of the human population taunted him with his mistake of not going for the head. also, thor literally just went through the whole process of realizing his true power and sacrifing his home in order to protect his people and youre going to tell me that he just decides “mmm imma go to space and leave you all here youre fine without me” like no. also please read this post it makes me so mad its so true.

2) the whole time travel plot. to me it didnt seem well thought out and it leaves so many plot holes. like if removing a stone can create another timeline, i dont think putting the stone back fixes anything. you have still technically created another time line. and like what happened to loki we saw him disappear wouldnt that be another time line??? and like if 2012 or 2014 or whatever thanos came to the present, then wouldnt that create another time line?????? and if steve stayed behind, then thats a whole other time line. like it just doesnt make sense there are so many things that do. not. work. (sidenote: thanos said the infinity stones were reduced to atoms. wouldnt that be reversable by scott and shrinking down into the quantum realm??? this is just an idea)

3) it was predictable. there were SO many times that i was able to tell what was going to happen before it did. like clints family vanishing. and scott finding an older cassie. and scott being turned into a bunch of different ages. and tony saying no and then saying yes. even tony weilding the gauntlet was predictable (i just refused to think about it bc i didnt want to see tony die).

4) steve staying in the past. now im going to preface this saying that im not trying to say that steve didnt deserve it. he did and im happy for him (since this is what the russo brothers have decided to make permanent). steve did deserve happiness and i will even say that he deserved peggy. but. that doesnt mean thats what he should have done. it was out of character for steve (not as bad as thor but still out of character). he would have recognized that the world needed him in the now and he wouldnt have been able to just stay in the past. like steve’s biggest character flaw is that he cant just sit by and do nothing, he always has to act. so now out of no where he just decides that hes gonna screw over everyone in the present and stay behind. like he knows they just lost tony AND nat, two of the og avengers, and hes just gonna decide to leave them hanging without another person???? and hes just going to sit by knowing that bucky is out there being tortured??? ALSO i am absolutely not saying that any part of his talk with sam was unnecessary. i even love the fact that he gave the sheild to sam (black captain america is my shIT HELL YES I AM HERE FOR IT). but. there is no way that steve “even when there was nothing i had bucky” rogers wouldnt say anything to bucky. and i saw someone saying “well they obviously talked off screen” bitch i dont care there are probably thousands of off screen things that happen and thats why we have fanfiction. but the on screen stuff matters and steve just ignores bucky entirely?????? no he fucking doesnt the russo brothers are just afraid to encourage any more interaction between steve and bucky because they fear stucky fans. and im not even saying this as a stucky fan im literally saying it as a marvel fan who knows the smallest amount of steve’s character.

5) tony creating his worst nightmare. tony has said multiple times that he blamed his dad for leaving him and it only makes sense that he would fear having a kid and then leaving them alone. and the russo brothers did just that. they gave tony the life he always wanted and then ripped him from it, creating tonys nightmare at the same time. he has now subjected morgan to live a life like he did, without a father. now personally i dont think tony should have died. did i predict that he was since infinity war (bc of rdj’s contract ending and also it will be very difficult to continue the “next generation” with these huge figures still around), yes. and i know that its unrealistic for everyone to survive in war but so is fucking time travel and they pulled that card. idk i just dont like how they did it.

so overall, i think i loved a lot of the overall moments on film, its just that i didnt like the themes, messages, and character delieveries shown in the movie. im just gonna go watch winter soldier and ragnarok and homecoming and captain marvel and black panther and all the other Actually Good marvel movies.

[0tivez]

Ive never been the same since tbh 🥲 im forever paranoid now

Megumi would have the most confused expression ever. the visual representation of "huh??"

random hc that I just came up with: Megumi hair was literally a carbon copy of Toji's and the reason its all spiky now is bc gojo forced him to switch it up a bit; gojo can existence is a bit more peaceful since then. this is not canon compliant at all but idc let me leave in my fantasy world 😭

if it wasn't for the chokehold that Aki has me on- ill create a Facebook acc solely to respond to those stupid ass comments ffs

And I just finished reading the reze "arc" (dunno if you could call it an arc) and im so frustrated?? I think?? I dislike maxima and I love denji and FUCKING AKI IM GONNA- I love him, thats all im gonna say.

oh and im also skimming through jjk manga bc my friend is reading it as well (I actually think they already finished it??) and reading the word Shibuya just sends me into immediate panic lol

ofc Yuzuru has abs im gonna sob TT the core strength that man needs to do things on a ice must me insane.

you, talking about jjk: // me: 😍, your analyses (is that the plural??) are always on point and very satisfying to read LMFAO I hope that doesn't sound odd :,)

I agree that toji isn't as bad as people make him out to be as well! its funny bc my opinion about his character did a 180 quite literally. I used to think he was the worst.

Im glad to hear that your schedule is lighter now! I remember when I was in college (I dropped out bc of mental health reasons and now im figuring out what I truly wanna do) and the workload was absolutely insane. manifesting that you get awesome results 🕯

Also!! I finished writing and then editing my first fic!! it was a gojo angst LMFAO. I published it yesterday on a new blog! kinda like a fresh start :D im thinking of moving blogs as well; make the new one my main. I think making the navi was the hardest part of the whole blog creation tbh :p I wanted to share bc I'm excited and all!! 😅

and I know I already it but, welcome back!! thanks for taking the time to answer all my little asks as well, you didn't need to TT

I hope your week goes great! have a good one!! <3

-🥳 anon

i keep forgetting about many fights in shibuya, literally. i occasionally forget toji appeared in shibuya lmaoo my brain is protecting my mental health i guess

oof gojo teaching baby megumi how to style his hair in front of the mirror 🤧 he can't reach the mirror so gojo seats him on the counter 🥺

reze arc is bomb hehe. reze is best girl fr. i disliked her a lot at first but she's just so cool for me to hate her lmaoo. i've been meaning to reread csm cause i remember NOTHING but i don't know if i can handle everything just yet :') fun fact, i was planning to dress up as kobeni for a halloween party this year but had to go back home :') next year, hopefully! tho my main costume would be freddie mercury in i want to break free >:) i'm afraid no one would recognize my costume and i would be unmasked as a weeb and not the cool, cold blooded sexy bitch i am 😔

i swear to god aki is the sexiest man ever. the second he was introduced, i have created the holy trinity of cold blooded, black haired man.

okay hear me out. megumi, giyuu and aki ARE THE SAME EXACT CHARACTER. SAME. they even have the same fucking mbti and enneagram type ffs

if takahiro sakurai voices aki (which would be perfect, exactly how i imagined and also leaked as a possibility?) he will also add up to my holy trinity of men i simp for, that being geto, giyuu and aki lmaooooo im fucked 😫

sorry that came out of nowhere klmalwskmf i've been waiitng to tell someone this for ages now

(a little venty under the cut)

omg thank you 🥺🥺🥺 you're literally so sweet! i love splurging jjk bullshit out, having someone enjoy listening to them means the whole world to me, and i love you <3

toji appeared for like, 1% of the manga and became one of the best written characters imo. he's so complex, he's not good or bad. his character raises a very important question to me which seems to apply to jujutsu kaisen as a whole: what exactly is bad? can you really blame toji for the way he turned out to be? the things he did? there really is no winners in this manga, if the mc was switched, pretty sure our main cast would be the villains too

imagine a spin off from toji's pov 🤤

i especially love how toji fucked up the ENTIRE world for 3 million yen JKWNAWDSKJNASDW my man. the legend. i will DIE if gojo doesn't have a flashback of toji or smth like imagine. just imagine. him getting unboxed. he sees maki. he's like what the fuck?? and we see a panel of hidden inventory again. damn.

aah turns out it's not as light as i thought it would be lol

i can 100% understand dropping out for mental health reasons, especially now. i literally feel my mental health collapse physically. sadly, for my future, dropping out isn't really an option. i know that this feeling is temporary, i just feel angry you know? it's really just the tuesdays, i fucking hate tuesdays so much. i overslept TWICE today. TWICE. i hate tuesdays

workload really is awful! worst thing is, it's not the law part. i LOVE my law classes. i wish i could have fucking time to study for them. i mostly take non-law classes this semester and i swear to fucking god i'm not studying law, i'm studying whatever the fuck those classes are. i feel like i'm not learning anything from them, they're just bullshit. at least i hope they will be useful for when i start my interviews for internships. what do you have in mind for what you wanna do? how's the search going?

aah that's so exciting, congratulations! i would love to read it sometime, if you feel comfortable with sharing it of course :) i find organizing my blog so relaxing. just the sheer pleasure of organizing is so good, but tumblr is awful so i understand the struggle lol

aah thanks again! speaking with you relaxes me a lot :) i try to write back faster but i can't write on my phone TT

btw sorry for dumping everything all of the sudden lol this turned out very venty

have a good week babe 😽

[0n3-h4lv3]

10:17pm 9/7/18

FUCK yall. Heres some things that *i* have 2 say. @ morgan : i love u so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U literally deserve every good thing in this entire world. You are so loving and bubbly and positive that it is Infuriating to me that you have to face any hardship whatsoever. You dont deserve that, but you are strong enough to push through it and to make the most of any bad situation, and im SO excited for your future and the amazing things you will accomolish. Youve been my best bud for like ??????? 12 years almost ??????? How badass is that !!!!!!! U are the one bitch on this planet that i truly can tell everything. Nothing on this blog would suprise ir shock u, like a bitch knows whats up bc. God i rlly truly can 100 percent relax in ur company. SOMETIMES i still worry abt dumb shit but then i tell u anyway and it works out ok. Im mad greatful for that. Even with my other besties, i think id go mad without u and our friendship. I dont always send u the most responsive texts, but i DO think abt u every day and i LOVE u 2 bits and bits and bits. I wanna have sleepovers again. And tell bad stories abt marvel and folklore characters in the dark until we pass out laughing at eachother. I miss being kids. I dont think there was a point in my life so far where i have Truly been blissful or care free, i wasnt built that way, but memmories of u and me playing and creating and laughing together are truly the happiest i have. If not for you I would have killed myself three years ago in my bedroom after school, that day that i couldnt stop crying ? I went home and i tore at my shirt and i screamed and sobbed and slammed my head into the floor, lamenting how unlovable i was, but i really did have something that kept me from giving up, and it was you! I know thats heavy, which is why im putting it here and not actually telling you, but even though liv was my big fp at the time, you were rlly my reason to live. I just pray that i can do something meaningful for you, to repay you for being there for me before i die.

Finny! : BUD!!!! Ur actually. An angel but irl. Like sometimes i see you and stop breathing for a second. And im not even talking abt that ur like hot or whatever, its like. Gosh, finn you just have this presence ? And you are simultaniously so forgiving and understanding while taking Absolutely no shit and i respect that hard. Its like rlly hard to be uncomfortable in your presence. I still manage to sometimes, because god made me and was like "yeah this bitch will never see rest of any form", but like compared to the discomfort i feel around Most people, the discomfort i sometimes feel around you is WAY less and very warm asfjgja. I wish i got more hugs from you, i know thats like Mad stupid, but theyre. Validating and wonderful and they mean a lot and feel rlly good so more of those would be cool. I miss laying w u on the couch and watchin horror movies !! I know that was just like a month ago and its not like we cant do it again, but with how busy we are and how busy Everything is im very scared that we actually wont get to, or that u dont want to. Anyway im rambling, but u DO mean the world to me, and im so so sorry if im too much or overbearing. I dont know if you know how much you mean to me ? If youre on this blog you have an idea but i dont think these posts actually paint it accurately. For the past 10 or so years ive had a pattern of latching on to people, one at a time, and putting "all my eggs in one basket" so to say. It can be a best friend, or romantic interest, or both. But regardless ! This person directly and immediately impacts my emotional state. And rn its you !!! Which sucks a LOT. Bc even outside of my shitty "favorite person" thing, you are very important to me, and your friendship is so important to me. But i havent figured out how to negate or counter the whole fp experience, and so whenever u do anything... that i could interpret as disinterest or disgust or like anything negative, it has a 50/50 chance if sending me into a panic, sometimes a full fledged anxiety attack ! And whenever you show interest or affection or anything positive, it beyond makes my day. And thats. Like weird ? And it sucks even more for you, because if you realized how strongly just the tiniest thing can fuck me up, you wouldnt even want to talk 2 me. You would distance yourself to save urself from the stress and me from the whatever this is. But i know that my brain would just pick someone else as soon as you abandon me, so i have to just keep in my head and to myself until the fp thing moves on, or u abandon me anyway, or whatever. Bc i dont want to lose our friendship. And its ok !! But it makes our friendship more complicated on my end. I unintentionally put so much stock into how u percieve me, and so you not wanting to date me for suoer valid reasons still tears at my heart a lot. Like somethings wrong with me or you dont rlly love me or whatever even tho thats not necissarily the case. Anyway. Ill be ok. I rlly will, this is something i just need to man up about and push through ! Thank u for being such a cool friend :).

MADI !!!: UGH bitch. I do love u. Im sorry im late every time u pick me up in the morning and that i complain so goddamn much. I know its unbecoming but in my defense im feeling pretty rock bottom these days and u r like a cute little ray of sunshine that drinjs too much coffee. You are so. Beautiful okay ? That sounds like bullshit cuz im ur best friend and all. But this is honesty hour. See what i wrote to finn and mj ?? Im not fucking around. Im laying it all bare. This is the post yall will find AFTER i kill myself, so im not gonna LIE to u in it. Could u imagine ??? Anyway point is: you are so beautiful, and you are complex and interesting and Capable okay ? Like ur not a background character or basic or none of that. U feel like u are, and u say ur not pretty or whatever, and its like. The dumbest shit bc if u could only see what Every One Else was getting to look at ? U wouldnt recognize urself. Also. U have an INSANELY kind heart. I cant believe u were ok with me fucking your boyfriend. I cant believe you put up with my drama. You buy me coffee ? You go out 2 lunch with me ?? You seem to take genuine interest in me, and like my company !! Its bananas girl. I dont know how i can be so vile and low and selfish and you still stay by me. I dont believe i deserve it, but ur kinda adimant abt remaining my best friend, so hopefully ill have time to become a better person for you, and 2 return the favor. I love u mads. Like, big time. Ur a rock and roll girl and id do anythin 4 ya <3

Myla !! : buddy. Oh my god. A lot of people r likr "ohh im chaotic good" or "wow shes got such chaotic energy" and its MAD bullshit. But real talk ??? U like... do have such powerful chaotic good energy. Ilysm. Ur smile is Contagious. Actually just seeing u at school makes me smile. Ur company and friendship is such a blessing. ALSO lmao ur so ??? Like coy ?? And cheeky ???? Its mad fun, ur just like a very silly very lovely bud. I know you are Also very depressed and hurting. And i hate that so much. You dont deserve it. Nothing about you has earned it, but like depression doesnt care who earns what ya know ? Anyway ur strong. Likr 4 real, and i want u to know that you can SO overcome it, and u have such a bright future okay ?? I love you ! I KNOW finny loves you! I dont know ur parents that well but they'd be BATSHIT to not totally love you. Having you in my life is like a blessing, and i rlly rlly rlly hope i can repay the good energy some day okay ? I know u dont like talking abt how ur feeling, but if u ever want to, or u think of ANYTHING i can do to help, tell me asap okay ? Bc i will not hesitate to be there 4 u, no matter how big or small.

OKAY @ all of you !!! :

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY !!! IM *SO* GREATFUL YOU ARE ALL IN MY LIFE !!! Literally i cant. Express how important you all are. Im crying and i would Literally die for any one of you. That sounds like a silly thing but it would be. An honor to actually lay down my life for the sake of any of u guys, tho im not sure how the situation would arise lol. I feel like i owe y'all so much. I also know that if i am going to get better, i cant do it alone, and i might end up asking more from u guys :(. I hate that, but im hoping you can understand and allow me to return the favor somehow someday.

[ts-crossroads]

Episode Eight - “Get Your Head Out of the Gutter, And Maybe Get A Brain” - Bryan

holy mother of everything good in this world i cannot believe we just pulled that off and im still probably in the clear

WHAT THE FUCK!!! Ok then. So Dane is telling me that Ned was just too big of a threat. But I’m so fucking pissed still. Whatever. I’m on a 4-6 minority with me Sam and Jake. However I hope Dane is willing to flip back. But I’d still need one more...dang it. I got work to do.

My hands r so dirty rn like BITCH LOLLL. Im actually terrible. Ned could have stayed if I voted with them. Too bad he had to be fake! Sorry not Sorry! Basically that shit wouldn't have happened if Rebecka and I didn't think it needed to. And Jake and Bryan are blaming DANE AND JOHN LOL THIS IS PERFECT. I'm actually DYINGGGG LMAOOO. 

fuck john fucking liar i fucking saved his ucking ass twice and this is how he repays me fuck out of here i can’t deal with these bitches everyone who voted out ned SUCKS AND I PUT SO MUCH TRUST INTO JOHN IM LITERALLY THE REASON WHY HE MADE IT TO MERGE AND HE CANT EVEN BE LOYAL FOR ONE FUCKING ROUND 

6-5 i was SHAKING during the tribal. i owe rebecka and julia m'life. i talked to sam/ned/autumn/jake more than i talked to rebecka and julia so im shocked they were the ones to save me??? as a previous winner im gonna be a loyal hoe to those who kept me. and autumn at least gave me the heads up that i was probably leaving, and it sucked i couldn't let her know i had a plan to save myself. like she was telling me "talk to ned, rebecka, haley and we can do something" and i already did that minus ned. i loved ned sm. i hate that this happened. but like he and sam were willing to turn on haley and i SO fast. i don't like that... also haley told john and i that she and chris were dating and LOL that makes so much sense it did'nt shock me. i'm glad i always talked good about haley to chris and vise versa.

I am so emotional and not ready to write this confessional. First it started with me fucking up. I thought I could trust Dane but I couldn’t. I knew Autumn wasn't with us but I didn’t think we would lose 2 impala to the other side. Then I fucked up more by telling Ned that we are safe and not to play an idol. I gave him my idol half which he then gave back to me and then told me he had a whole idol. He asked me several times if he should play it and I said no every time because I trusted everyone. I truly let Ned down and I don't know how I am going to go through this game without him. He was the 1 person I trusted with my entire game and now he's gone. I sound so dramatic but whatever, I lost my final 2. I can have all the feelings I want. I just don't know what to do now regarding who to work with. I also hate myself more bc I had tribal in another game immediately afterwards, and Ned was in this game with me. Anyway, Ned got 4 votes, I got 3. He had a super idol, which he could have played on himself after votes were read, and he made an announcement that he wasn't playing it because I deserve to be there more than him. I literally cried so much. Ned went home in 2 games back to back because of me. I fucked up the first tribal and he went home with an idol in his pocket and he gave up his game for me the second tribal. I know that this is going to be a relationship that I cherish for a long time. I truly care for him so deeply and it goes deeper than any game ever could. If I get nothing else out of this game, at least I got to form this beautiful and magical friendship with Ned. I can figure out the rest of this game tomorrow.

Me after getting blindsided in two different Survivor orgs within five minutes of each other https://twitter.com/ricardojkay/status/945781023006105600 Owen lucky Ned gave me a pep talk on his way out cause this is some bullshit and I sure was about to cut my losses and walk #yalldontdeserveme

 Well I went from everyone having to split the votes Ryan and I which would of led me to go home. I got everyone to switch that didn't want to put Ryan or my name down which was Julia,John,Rebecka,Ryan, and Dane. It definitely shows that they all can be trusted since Ned was the one that left last night. Bryan is still targeting me for the whole Emily vote which is bullshit that vote was forever ago and why would we tell the person that invited her to tribal it was going to be her and then have Bryan go back and tell Emily. I hope all the campaigning Bryan did to work against me just showed him who really has the numbers. I'm now going to make sure if Bryan doesn't get immunity again that he goes next. 

Ok so I really don't know who to trust at this point. I miss Ned soooo much. A lot of people from the other side have come to me to clear the air, but I really don't see a way to recover from this. Yesterday was an actual mess. Julia was lowkey bullying Bryan in the merge chat. I say lowkey, because it wasn't personal, it was game related, but it was extreme overkill. Bryan had said "ok thats fine" and "I see what I did wrong, I learned from my mistakes" etc and she continued to say things like "now go shit talk me more, I know you will" and it was just really rude. And Haley cheering her on in the background definitely amplified the situation to make Bryan feel worse. I feel like the only people I can trust are Bryan, Autumn, and Jake. It's hard though, because I know Bryan is a threat who needs to go. Autumn rarely talks to me. And I recently got close to Jake, so I know he has been working with Bryan a lot longer and would choose him over me in a heart beat. Dane seems to think that him flipping to vote out Ned wasn't "picking sides" and now everyone can be on a more even playing field. At least that's what he told me. He also doesn't want to think of them as "sides," he wants to vote out Bryan next. If there are sides and I vote out Bryan, It's literally going to be down to 3 vs 6, with me in the minority. As much as I love and miss Ned, I don't want to be in that jury. I want to be at FTC with Ned rooting for me the whole time. I also don't know how to feel right now. I'm conflicted, because everyone is telling me shady/sketchy things about Ned and reassuring me that it is best he is gone because he was untrustworthy, but I really don't think I believe it. Like I know Ned is such an honest and genuine person, I really can't see him playing me like that. And of course everyone will try to justify voting him out to me, it was so obvious we were a f2, we had never separated the ENTIRE game. Literally day 1 we were on impala and stayed there. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm upset that Haley and Dane won reward, it seems like the worst people to have won. Hopefully it doesn't help them in immunity. I really want to win. I'm scared though that if I do, Bryan will leave. A lot of people are upset about how he acted last round when he was immune. I don't know how I feel, I really just need to see how the next day goes. ALSO Dane getting under 5 minutes in that maze seems toooooo good. Like I did it as fast as I could and couldn't even finish half of it in that time. It seems very impossible. 

Errybody and they mama has been in my pm's explaining themselves and I'm like lmao ok but you're still cancelled. I have a heart though so I (probably) won't come for the apologizers first on the hitlist. DID SOMEBODY SAY HITLIST?!?! Yep it's about that time/ I'm back doing what I do best https://78.media.tumblr.com/b6fa3f3b282c7314c79578a6599d56b3/tumblr_n49f6q9bH11rsrbdko1_500.gif Also shoutout to everyone who believes in me. Thank you and sorry if I scared you I was like eyeball deep in my feelings after that vote (and Athena All Stars but we won't get into). I am NOT walking because there's too much justice that needs to be served

NED!!!! If Chris was my Beth, you were my Glenn cause you're so positive and hero-like aaaaannnd because I was a wreck when you died lol. Is it bad that I couldn't stop crying? http://cimg.tvgcdn.net/i/2016/12/15/b1aca255-c49f-4f8f-be1f-853d48cd3f55/maggie.gif I really hadn't seen the vote until you asked if I flipped. Then I went to watch the rest of the tribal video and started sobbing. Did I flip? Absolutely not and if I hadn't left the call, Crossroads would have my reaction to prove it. Whew if I had seen that shit live... look I'm an ugly crier and Crossroads can only exploit what I give it lmao. Anyway we spent half the game trying to make it back to each other only for you to die 5 minutes later and that suuucks rip. THANKS JULIA! YEP YOU HEARD RIGHT SIS IS NEGAN!!! Under all the humor and cute pro pics... tragic. Bryan only killing Chris and not you? Never judge a book by its cover haha. Anyway I hate this happened to you because you deserved so much better and I hope you're in a better place in jury. Imperium is in shambles- Scrappy is out here squaring up in people's pm's, Velma has gone awol, and Scooby is in the doghouse since everyone knows he has fleas. Idk what's about to happen but you're right everyone is a snake. Ok I should go I have a lot to do if I'm gonna make it to the end because #owensucks #crossroadsisugly Thank you for like playing this whack game and believing in me when I didn't believe in myself @ everyone else: https://78.media.tumblr.com/a661740fa7785ef674d1c8ef7971f4f9/tumblr_myzplpOrQ51ql5yr7o1_500.gif NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM BEING PETTY AND SENDING YOUR ASSES TO JURY SO SAVE YOUR BREATH!!! Do you need to explain yourself? Absolutely. Will it make a difference? NOPE. If you gave a fuck about me you wouldn't have lied in the first place. Also everything you say to me can and will be used against you so y'all really need to chill. I mean it- stop checking in like we're good because you will not know the answer to that until the game ends. Thinking that we're friends doesn't make it true. But you know what is true? I will send every single one of you to jury and I cannot fucking wait

I wish Jake would send things in one or two messages and not seven or eight 

OKAY So hours before the last tribal I wanted to vote out Jake because he's lodged up Bryan's ass. However, the only person that Ryan could get enough people to target was Ned due to the amount of people that he pissed off. So honestly between Ned or Ryan to stay? I think it's pretty obvious for me to know what's better for my game. :) After the tribal council however Bryan immediately called me and started yelling at me and demanding he knows what my strategy is moving forward in the game, but I wasn't going to give it away, so now I'm playing the role of the dumb sheep and I'm starting to make people believe that I'm not worth it to vote out at the moment. Anyways! After that call I thought I would give Bryan the benefit of the doubt and I just assumed that the tribal council would be a wake up call for his attitude, but nothing changed! He immediately ran his rat ass to Ryan and started talking shit about me so now I'm pissed at Bryan again. Now here we are again hours before the tribal council again and it's a shit show because from my point of view I think the votes are going to fall between Bryan and Julia.... maybe. Julia and Bryan had a "fight" in the main chat but I honestly believe it to be fake and I think Julia flipped back to Bryan and my paranoid ass is starting to believe that they're going to conspire against me and vote me out. BUT! I do think that my social standings with Sam would help me get past this vote. With that being said though I may have to abuse Sam's kindness to further myself into the rest of the game. I was thinking with Ryan and if we get Haley on board we can vote 3 votes onto Autumn or Sam (wildcards atm) and in the case that Bryan plays his idol (BTW I FORGOT TO SAY I FOUND AN IDOL RIGHT BEFORE TRIBAL LAST ROUND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MAMA) we can play one of our idols and get out Sam or Autumn. However, if we do that then we isolate ourselves as a 3 which is why Bryan, Jake, and John were targeted in the first place for.  This tribal council is going to be just as messy as the last one and I'm terrified and I don't want to waste my idol if people are telling the truth and isolate myself, but I don't want to go home with an idol in my pocket. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j4Xsc4Y0tbk

This round has just been a clusterfuck. After the Ned blindside I called John and found out that Julia was lying to my face and voted Ned which pissed me off so I exposed Julia shit talking John to me to John. After the call with John I told Bryan, Sam, and Autumn about Julia lying to us and I connected with Autumn finally. Bryan of course went and told everyone about Julia so Julia blew up on him in the main chat, gr8. Anyways I'm shook because I won the immunity and I really feel like I needed it this round for the potential of people voting me. Of course people were targetting Bryan and this twist could have changed things up, but John and Dane are too scared to make a move and there's no way we can vote Julia out this round which sucks. Idk what else to do, I tried. I just have to hope that things change soon or I'll be picked off. 

Sam pissed me off tonight. I was considering to flip to get Julia out but then after talking to her and Bryan I realise that this bottom four is getting closer. Sam and Bryan both mentioned they trusted each other. They lie for each other. I called Sam because I wanted to talk about voting Julia out the round after Bryan leaves and then when I tell her Dane & I are not flipping she goes from this happy girl with a happy voice to this sad girl and we sit in silence. Like... she was sad I wasn't flipping... like girl... why would I flip to the four fucking people who lied to me and voted for me. I want to flip honestly but not while there's that many people!!!!!!! I like Rebecka and Julia but they don't talk to me and I know they're closer to Dane & Haley as well with each other. Dane told me he got a FULL idol... cute John told me he has half the idol which I helped him get. I have my full idol. Haley has half an idol. So at least I know where these powers are going. My dream plan was to vote Julia out next but Sam kinda pissed me off. Autumn's been very real with me and Jake's been so active and apologetic in my pms. My dream is now to vote Sam off next and have John/Dane/Me/Autumn/Jake vote Julia after that. Maybe Rebecka too after. Then vote off Jake/Autumn. I'm super super tight with Haley, Dane, Coffey. I obviously know Coffey/Dane from my past but idk, I want to play and work with Haley because she's cool and new. I think I'd give Coffey 4th place. Go f3 Haley/Dane, and if it's a F2 I'll figure it out later. But i doubt I'll ever get there!! I bet Sam will win the F9 immunity ffs i hope not.

hey!! flopbecka here (@ashley the jingle jingle reindeer is anywhere hi!! thx for hating me im so happy to use the name u gave me <3 ) so i still dont know wtf is happening in the game, im in like a 6 person chat that i thought was just to get ned out, and now i think its like actually a real alliance chat? im confused af idk. I really want to work with autumn in this game and i just hope she still wants to after i didnt fill her in on the ned vote so woo go team 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOKbOoj7yo0&t=6s