#atypical depression awareness

[thatfanficgurl]

Come with me into the Void....

[mental-mona]

[memestockpile]

anatomy of a fall from the 2023 film. feel free to change as needed.

let's dry you off.

what makes you so mad you want to explore it?

it makes me feel high, like i'm on drugs.

time is not a problem here.

this is really weird. seeing you again, like this.

you need to wash up and get dressed.

honey, i know this is hard.

you can't spend whole days like this without going outside.

i'm so tired of crying.

don't worry. i'll take care of everything.

i just can't get it in my head.

spare me your comments.

give me your hand.

you need to start seeing yourself the way others are going to perceive you.

i should never have come here.

it's fucking absurd, isn't it?

you can consider me a friend. or not. that's your choice.

the law can't be someone's friend.

our relationship revolved around intellectual stimulation, even if it meant neglecting everything else.

seduction means several things.

i dislike being reduced to a marital status.

i found it atypical, nothing more.

you're nitpicking.

it's hard to read the intentions of someone you can't see.

i can work in any situation.

you couldn't be two places at once.

i'm sorry, i'm not finished.

you can't deny you're at the center of this equation.

this is your problem. you're responsible. deal with it.

after a while, i can tell what's real and what isn't.

it is just a little part of a whole situation.

sometimes a couple is kind of a chaos.

i want to drink all night.

is it a great reason for placing your life in someone's hands?

you look like a dog.

i can't trust someone if i can't put an animal's head on them.

do you remember me from before? when we first met?

i was hopelessly in love.

i think a lot of things i don't tell you.

when you look at me, i can feel that you are judging me.

my love, i just want you to know one thing.

i just wish you would be shielded from all this.

this isn't working for me anymore.

are you fucking serious?

it's a beautiful and generous choice, and i thank you for it, but you don't have to do it.

it's naive and, frankly, it's depressing.

you never smile at anyone.

i have to accept that you fuck other people.

i'm not a victim!

you're incapable of facing your ambitions, and you resent me for it.

you're a monster.

you can still see the dent.

it was sexual. we slept together twice.

it was a tricky year.

interesting take on feelings.

people exaggerate and alter facts when they argue.

i think i want to be alone.

my role is to protect you.

fucking help me!

to overcome doubt, sometimes we have to decide to sway one way rather than the other.

i'm not accusing, just making a point.

you need to be aware of it. it'll happen someday.

you have to try this, really.

i'm gonna throw up.

you're ready to go home?

one more, for the road.

i thought i'd feel relieved.

[turbulentscrawl]

Poly Potential (IDV x Reader)

These are just my personal musings on some potential x reader polyships with the IDV characters. Some characters, in my opinion, would be okay with it only in specific dynamics.

(I’m fine with writing poly that goes against these HCs and, as an extra note, Ada and Emil have a ridiculously unhealthy relationship so I’m 100% good to do xreader stuff where they’re not together.) I’ll likely remake this later, when I’m familiar with more characters.

Using Luchino's header bc I havent had a chance to yet

Characters who I think are poly themselves:

Luchino (Hunter&Survivor)

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Most reptiles aren’t monogamous, and Luchino has other things to concern himself with than being his partner’s only source of affection and vice versa. He doesn’t really care who else you spend your time with and expects the same courtesy in return. As long as you respect the plans you make together, there’s no issue.

Fiona

I’m not sure about the extent of her eldritch worship, but I think her focus on that makes her a more open to atypical relationship dynamics and a less open to hard legal commitments like marriage. Poly works out well for that particular combo.

Patricia

She just strikes me that way? She yearns for a sense of belonging, and having multiple lovers means multiple “homes” for her heart. She’s a bit picky about her partners, though.

Some situational poly opportunities:

Norton x Naib x Reader Triad

Norton and Naib get one another on a level they don’t even have to voice. They’re kinda in their own little bubble away from reality and, while I think they’d both be okay sharing the other with a 3rd party, they’d both strongly prefer to like the same person. That way you would also be in their bubble rather than one of them stepping out. This triad would work best if you’re more laid back. Norton has to step away when his personality swings, and Naib does his own thing behind the scenes, so there will be times when neither can hang around. Don’t let that make you doubt their love, though.

Wu Chang x Reader…Triad?

This one is pretty depressing because I think Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu were lovers before, but they can’t have direct contact anymore. That said, they are aware of one another’ presence and have implicit trust in one another. So if one of them fell for you, there’s a very good chance the other would fall for you too, and they have no issues sharing. It’s both sweet and sad because you’d be important to them both as a lover, and as a messenger for them to speak again.

Luca x Reader x Victor

This one’s pretty straightforward, I think. They have a good rapport with one another, and are generous about sharing. They’re also both pretty straightforward communicators—though Victor may take a bit longer to address things—so any jealousy issues can be easily resolved. There’s room for this to be a triad, as well.

Reader x Emil x Ada

This set up would be very difficult to get into, and more than a tad hostile. Emil loves Ada, and he very much could love another, but Ada is possessive and controlling. This would only work if you had an established friendship with Ada before you met Emil, AND if you were susceptible to her manipulation. This is the only way she trusts you enough to let you around Emil—she knows you’ll accept her guidelines for not interfering with their ‘treatment progress’—and then Emil develops feelings quickly because you already have a rapport with Ada and you must be as nice as she is. This could potentially be a triad, but it somehow gets even more unhealthy that way as Ada’s laser-focus for Emil would leave you to be neglected by her a lot.

Joker x Reader x Margaretha

Under normal circumstances, I don’t think either of these two are willing to share a partner. But since they both still have feelings for one another on some level, they can understand why you would too. there’s potential for this to become a triad as well, if you’re a good enough wingman and can convince Margaretha to stop burying her feelings so much.

Edgar x Reader x Frederick

Under normal circumstances they’d both prefer you be exclusive with them, but there’s a unique exception when it comes to each other. They both think their respective art mediums are superior to others, and strive to reach perfection in their work. While they don’t share appreciation for the same art form, they respect one another’s discernment and tenacity. And, clearly, you have wonderful taste to have picked them both out. This set of relationships works in the long-run too, as Frederick is concerned with appearances, reputation, and family names, so he would want to marry. Edgar doesn’t care nearly as much about such things, and is content to be in your life without a ring and a vow involved.

Kevin x Reader x Emily, Fiona, or Patricia

It’s a bit of a mixed bag here, as I think each of the three ladies have different likelihoods of engaging in poly relationships, but Kevin is the more important element here. He would be okay with having a poly partner, but only if the other partner(s) was a woman. He’s too competitive with other men, and it would turn toxic if left to fester. Additionally, one of these three women would be best because he’d feel weird if your other partner was too much younger than him.

Characters who would never, under ANY circumstances, be okay with you having more partners:

Ithaqua

He. Does not. Share. This guy is as close as it gets to yandere that I’m willing to write, and he really toes the line.

Freddy

Let’s be honest, he’s just a bad person. He’s possessive and will do anything to keep you all to himself. If you’re very charismatic (or very gullible) he might be convinced long enough for you to get another partner…but then get toxic. He will go out of his way sabotage your other partner(s) just like he did Leo. And he WILL do his best to make it look like everyone but him is the issue to convince you to give up polyamory forever.

Andrew

You could convince him to let you have another partner, but it would doom your relationship. Andrew’s insecurities would eventually get the best of him, and he would break up with you, unable to take seeing you with someone “better” while he gets “strung along like a fool.”

Anne

She’s too untrusting of people now. Loving one person enough to overcome the betrayals she’s suffered is already remarkable for her, but loving more than one, or loving someone who has other lovers that might be scheming behind her back is too large of a trauma-based roadblock for her to overcome.

[ana-mp3]

INTRO <3 | TW: ED mentions

DISCLAIMERS:

This blog is meant to serve as an online diary and a place where I can talk about my struggles (ED, depression, ADHD, etc.). If you do not like what I post please BLOCK, DON'T REPORT.

I am NOT promoting EDs or any mental health issues I talk about.

I am very pro-recovery

ABOUT ME:

Hello! My name is Lilian, but I go by Lili. I'm queer (I really don't know TT. I'm either bi or a lesbian). I am a minor (6teen). I used to be @Lazyana (but got termed :/). I'm not sure what else to talk about.. so here are some of my interests :D. I LOVE music! I love listening to music, playing instruments, and singing! (Although I am terrible). I can play the flute, and I'm learning the piano and guitar :D (All incredibly half-assed I should mention). Along with music, I quite enjoy Philosophy/Ethics, Psychology, Geography, Vexillology, and Etymology! (Typing this out I just now realize how boring I am).

ABOUT MY ED:

(Be advised, this is very ramble-y and typed at 03:30)

I have atypical @nørexia (Which diagnostically isn't that different from regular @nør3xia). It's all the same criteria, just not being underweight. I've never received any type of treatment/medical attention for my ED. I've had an on-and-off ED for a few years now, but it got serious this year. I've always been insecure about my body, ever since elementary school. I have always been taller and a bit bigger than all my friends (It didn't help that they were/are all just naturally very skinny and short) and so I've found my ED journey(?) extremely lonely and isolating. An ED in itself is already a deeply lonesome experience, but with the addition of all your friends (ever) being the standard you so desperately wish you were just throws in new emotions. Sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, shame, and knowing that they would never (truly) understand what you're going through. (I'm not saying that skinny people can't have ED's. I'm saying that they wouldn't understand what it's like to be bigger with an ED). I haven't told anyone about my ED for a few reasons. 1) I don't want to be a burden that they have to watch over. I don't want them to be worried about me constantly (I also don't want to feel pressured to eat). 2) I am not at the results I want yet. I've always had a thought in the back of my mind, "You can eat/get better/get help/etc., once you're skinny" and surprise surprise, I'm not there yet. 3) I just know they wouldn't/couldn't understand. They all are skinny/short/really pretty, blessed with fast metabolisms. How could they understand that I have to ⭐ve myself to get skinner. How could they understand that I hate how I look so badly, that I need to punish myself for it. How could they possibly understand my obsessively toxic mindset, where I'm acutely aware of everything I've ate and the calories I've consumed (I can't forget what I've ate until I log it). 4) They'd never look at me the same. Sure, they wouldn't judge me for it, but I'd always have that target stuck on my back forever. I'd always be 'the girl with the ED'. 5) This is one of my most vulnerable secrets I'm keeping. I can barely communicate with my friends about significantly less intense mental health issues, let alone a god damn ED.

STATS:

SW: 178lbs/80kg

CW: 165.6lbs/74kg

GW1: 154lbs/70kg

GW1: 147lbs/67kg

GW2: 140lbs/63kg

GW3: 132lbs/60kg

GW3: 127lbs/58kg

UGW: 110lbs/50kg

height: 5'8/173cm

That has been that <3. (Again please don't report, It really doesn't help in any way :( please just block me)

[naturalrights-retard]

The number of people suffering from serious psychiatric problems, including schizophrenia and suicide ideation, has exploded since the jab rollout, according to disturbing new data released by the CDC.

Since the rollout of the toxic mRNA vaccines, the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) has documented over 9,400 cases of anxiety, 1,600 cases of depression, 975 cases of irritability, 1,100 cases of hallucinations, and 1,500 panic attacks. A whopping 60 percent of all anxiety cases reported to VAERS are related to the mRNA jabs. These cases are likely just the tip of the iceberg because doctors are not trained to identify psychiatric issues after vaccination.

Naturalnews.com reports: Insomnia and even suicidal tendencies are also reported after vaccination. However, there are no official sequelae to track psychiatric illness after vaccination. The FDA and CDC refuse to study the inflammatory role of the vaccine’s spike protein and how it may damage blood vessels and ultimately deprive the brain of oxygen. Because of the lack of robust scientific investigation into vaccine injury, there is no conclusive proof that the COVID-19 vaccines cause the various psychiatric symptoms reported to VAERS. Still, these issues are getting more attention.

60-year-old doctor suffers from cerebella ataxia, destabilizing panic attacks after COVID vaccination The case of Dr. Patrick William Slater may provide insight into the mechanisms behind the COVID-19 vaccine in relation to psychiatric illnesses. The 60-year-old doctor was healthy and active prior to Operation Warp Speed. He ran a successful full-time practice in Austin, Texas, and he hiked and fished in his spare time. But those days are over, thanks to the COVID-19 vaccine. In October of 2021, Dr. Slater was diagnosed with cerebellar ataxia. After taking the COVID-19 vaccines, Dr. Slater lost control over his movements and suffered spontaneous panic attacks. After the vaccine, he could no longer eat on his own, go to bathroom on his own, or control his own movements. Dr. Slater said the panic attacks would come every night. They were so severe, they left him in “abject terror.” On numerous occasions, he contemplated taking his own life.

Neurologists and psychiatrists dismissed his symptoms as general anxiety, and they refused to make any link to the vaccines. However, Dr. Slater strongly believes that his loss of motor control and his newfound psychiatric symptoms came after he took the initial two dose COVID-19 vaccine regime and a subsequent booster shot. Dr. Slater said, “there was no question in my mind” what was causing the panic attacks and loss of motor control.

Dr. Slater is not alone. Some psychiatrists are aware of what is going on with the mRNA vaccines. A psychiatrist named Dr. Amanda McDonald personally saw many of her vaccinated patients regress into unstable, mentally ill and panic-stricken states. According to Dr. McDonald, in 2021, her patients suddenly showed symptoms of insomnia, depression and anxiety “without any sort of rhyme or reason.” The only thing these patients had in common was a recent COVID-19 vaccine or booster.

At the time, “I couldn’t figure out why,” McDonald said. “My patients typically stay stable.” But after Operation Warp Speed, her patients suffered from atypical panic attacks, bouts of depression and strange hallucinations. It took McDonald over a year to even consider that COVID jabs may be the culprit. However, she knew her patients well before the lockdowns and the vaccine rollout. When the COVID insanity hit, she saw widespread “manifestations” in her patients that were not normal.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hello. Thank you very much for your hard work in maintaining this blog - thanks to you, I find useful materials on autism. I have some questions, but first of all I want to start with the seed, if you don’t mind.

I once asked you a question about suspecting autism when my male relatives are autistic, and you recommended taking an autism test and reading an article about autistic impostor syndrome. Since then, my journey of studying autism as a phenomenon began, and now I understand how broad it is, especially for an unscientific person like me. I can't tell you how long it's been since I asked, but every two months since then I've been retaking all the different autism tests you recommend here, and my results range from severe to moderate (mostly in that order, because over time I understand that some manifestations of autism are atypical for me).

I think I might actually be autistic, although I continue to have doubts. For example, some manifestations remain with me no matter what (sensory sensitivity and stimming, communication difficulties, anxiety, empathy/sensitivity, internalization), some manifestations were more pronounced in my youth (special interests, masking), but due to depression and anxiety they appear less. Some manifestations are atypical for me (shutdowns, alexithymia, nonverbality). This affects my life more and more every year, but if you ask why I don’t want to see a professional for diagnosis, then due to circumstances, diagnosis can complicate an already complicated life. I prefer that others, including my physician, perceive my condition as chronic depression and anxiety, at least outwardly, at least until I live separately from my family, so that any possible diagnosis other than depression and anxiety will not affect my family's attitude towards me.

Despite this, I still have some questions that concern me, even if I do not have an official diagnosis: 1) Can depression and anxiety distort some aspects of autism? For example, affecting energy levels, resulting in energy remaining only for office work, a basic mask, and basic physical needs, but not enough for mental and psychological needs? 2) Can some manifestations of autism be distorted or “suppressed” due to circumstances or due to masking? For example, an autistic person, due to circumstances, has to temporarily give up his special interests. He thinks about them every day, but does nothing about them because he cannot afford them, and when this period ends, it becomes difficult to return to special interests. Could this be possible? 3) How does self-care differ between a neurotypical person and an autistic person? How can an autistic person take care of themselves beyond quality sleep, nutrition, and basic hygiene? How can an autistic person accept the fact that some of their needs are different from those of a neurotypical person and require a different way to meet them? How can an autistic person acknowledge needs that may be socially frowned upon, but which are not objectively bad or harmful? For example, the need for stimming, in their attention to their special interests, to certain foods, and so on.

I hope it wasn't too hard for you to read all this. I needed to ask questions of someone who is autistic or knowledgeable about autism, because I still have doubts and discounting: what if I am just fitting into a description that is convenient for me? Am I too demanding? What if I'm just justifying my anxiety and passivity? Is all this worth my attention? It’s hard for me, but is it hard objectively?

What I really need in life is someone who could look at all this objectively and say whether I’m right or wrong, partially or completely. That is why I asked you questions in the hope that you could look at a small part of the picture of my life with fresh and autism-aware eyes. I hope my message wasn't too long.

Thank you for paying attention to my message. I wish you a good time of day.

…Your questions overwhelmed me so much that I had to resort to chat GPT to help. So many questions. I hope it helps anyway…

One: Depression and anxiety can indeed have an impact on how autism is experienced and expressed. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by challenges in social interaction, communication difficulties, and restricted and repetitive behaviors. However, it is important to note that autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that individuals with autism can vary greatly in their experiences and abilities.

Depression and anxiety are common comorbid conditions that can occur alongside autism. When someone with autism also experiences depression or anxiety, it can further complicate their overall well-being and functioning. These mental health conditions can affect various aspects of autism in the following ways:

1. Social interaction: Depression and anxiety can intensify social challenges for individuals with autism. They may struggle even more with initiating conversations, maintaining eye contact, understanding social cues, or forming and maintaining friendships.

2. Communication difficulties: Depression and anxiety can exacerbate communication difficulties in individuals with autism. They may have increased difficulty expressing themselves, finding the right words, or understanding the intentions of others.

3. Restricted and repetitive behaviors: Depression and anxiety can influence the expression of restricted and repetitive behaviors commonly associated with autism. Some individuals may experience heightened anxiety-related behaviors, such as repetitive movements or rituals, as a way to cope with their emotional distress.

4. Sensory sensitivities: Many individuals with autism have sensory sensitivities, such as being hypersensitive to certain sounds, textures, or lights. Depression and anxiety can heighten these sensitivities, leading to increased stress and discomfort in sensory-rich environments.

It's important to recognize that each individual's experience with autism, depression, and anxiety is unique. Some individuals with autism may experience more significant impacts on their autism symptoms due to comorbid mental health conditions, while others may not. It's crucial to provide personalized support and interventions tailored to the specific needs of each individual. Consulting with healthcare professionals experienced in autism and mental health can be beneficial in developing appropriate strategies and treatment plans.

Two: Yes, some manifestations of autism can be distorted or suppressed due to various factors, including circumstances and masking. Masking refers to the process in which individuals with autism consciously or unconsciously suppress or hide their autistic traits or behaviors in order to fit into social norms or expectations. This can be done as a coping mechanism to navigate social situations or to avoid judgment and stigma.

Here are a few ways in which autism manifestations can be distorted or suppressed:

1. Social masking: Individuals with autism may actively mimic or imitate neurotypical social behaviors and communication patterns to appear more socially adept. They might learn to make eye contact, engage in small talk, or imitate facial expressions, even if these actions do not come naturally to them. This masking can be mentally and emotionally exhausting, as it requires constant effort and can lead to increased anxiety and stress.

2. Camouflaging: Camouflaging is a strategy where individuals with autism blend in with their neurotypical peers by suppressing their autistic traits. This can involve concealing repetitive behaviors, stimming (self-stimulatory behaviors), or sensory sensitivities. Camouflaging can help individuals navigate social situations, but it can also result in feelings of disconnection from their true selves and significant mental strain.

3. Contextual factors: Some manifestations of autism may be more evident or pronounced in certain environments or situations. For example, an individual with autism may display more obvious autistic traits when feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or fatigued. However, in other contexts or when they feel more comfortable and supported, these manifestations may be less apparent.

It's important to note that suppressing or distorting autism manifestations can have negative consequences, such as increased stress, anxiety, and mental health difficulties. It can also lead to difficulties in self-acceptance and identity development. Recognizing and understanding the impact of masking and providing a supportive and inclusive environment can help individuals with autism feel more comfortable expressing their authentic selves.

Three: Self-care practices can vary between neurotypical individuals (those without autism) and autistic individuals due to differences in sensory sensitivities, social preferences, and individual needs. Here are some ways self-care might differ between the two:

1. Sensory considerations: Sensory sensitivities are common in autism, and individuals with autism may have particular needs when it comes to sensory input. Some autistic individuals may find certain sensations overwhelming, while others may seek out specific sensory experiences for comfort or regulation. Self-care for an autistic person might involve creating a sensory-friendly environment, using tools like sensory toys or weighted blankets, or engaging in activities that provide sensory stimulation or relaxation based on their sensory preferences.

2. Social preferences: Autistic individuals often have unique social preferences and may find social interactions challenging or draining. Self-care for an autistic person may involve setting boundaries around social interactions, allowing themselves time for solitude and recharge, and engaging in activities that align with their personal interests and passions.

3. Routine and predictability: Many individuals with autism thrive on routine and predictability. Self-care for an autistic person may involve establishing and maintaining a structured routine that provides a sense of stability and reduces anxiety. This might include regular meal times, consistent sleep schedules, or specific rituals or activities that provide comfort and familiarity.

4. Special interests and focused activities: Autistic individuals often have intense interests or hobbies that bring them joy and provide a sense of purpose. Self-care for an autistic person might involve indulging in their special interests, engaging in activities that allow them to hyperfocus or deeply engage their attention, and creating a balance between structured tasks and unstructured time for exploration and personal pursuits.

5. Communication and support: Autistic individuals may have unique communication styles and preferences. Self-care for an autistic person might involve advocating for their needs, seeking support from individuals who understand and respect their communication differences, and utilizing tools and strategies such as visual supports or assistive technology to enhance communication and self-expression.

It's important to remember that self-care is highly individual, and each autistic person will have their own specific needs and preferences. It's crucial to listen to and respect the individual's self-identified needs and support them in developing a self-care routine that works best for them.

I hope this helps. I felt too overwhelmed to answer any more questions.

[littlepuppylee]

Update On My Life:

Hi everyone!

I know it's been a while since I've been active, a lot has been going on in my life recently, and my recently I mean the past year. Just a warning, I do talk about just like anxiety, depression, and dealing with trauma and thoughts of sewer slide.

First, I would just like to thank you guys for being patient with me and my absence. I know I don't have a large following, but I still have people on here who I would chat with occasionally. I haven't been doing well since July of 2023. To sum everything up, I had jumped from relationship to relationship, got cheated on in one, had a fwb relationship for the first time and got my heart broken, and was uhhhh not well mentally lmao. Sorry I'm avoiding trauma dumping. But hey I finally lost my virginity, so that's something.

So for me, whenever I've been in relationships, I kind of neglect my NSFW Tumblr blogs mainly because I don't want my partners finding them and either 1. finding out some kinks that I'm not ready to share, or 2. presume that I am cheating on them or being unfaithful.

I'm also in therapy and I should be starting some anti-anxiety medication that should also help with depression. Yay, Zoloft. Oh yeah! Officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder - not surprised since it runs in my family- and Atypical Depression - I didn't fit the entire criteria for Major Depressive Disorder since my depressive episodes aren't long enough, which also runs in my family - as well as some symptoms relating to PTSD - I don't fit the entire criteria for PTSD I think; I just remember being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder. I'll talk to my therapist about that for clarification.

Also, don't be like me and jump from relationship to relationship as a way to distract yourself from the negative feelings from the past one. 1. That just isn't fair to the other person if they are not aware of this, and 2. You need to give yourself time to heal. I never gave that to myself because I thought I was fine. I thought I was better, but my therapist helped me realize that no, I am not better. She had said to me that just because I feel better, that doesn't mean I am actually better, and when she asked me for my thoughts on what she had just said, I realized that I haven't been better for a while. I haven't been better for a long time, which became more obvious when I opened up to her about a traumatic event that happened when I was 12-13 and hadn't talked about in years.

I ended my most recent relationship because I realized that I was in fact not okay and not over my trauma, and the levels of anxiety and feelings of apathy from depressive episodes that I was feeling was affecting my relationship. It was a good relationship, but I probably shouldn't have been in a relationship to begin with at the time considering 1. my grandfather died and that was a bit traumatic to witness, 2. I had just gotten my heart heavily broken, and 3. uhhhh mental health got SUPER bad :] Thoughts of sewer slide, but I'm hanging in!

Alright! Let's get onto the positive stuff! Besides that, the second semester of my second year of college is going super well academically speaking. It's the end of the semester right now, finals are coming up very soon, and I have 2 B's and the rest are A's as of this moment. All I have left now are mostly papers, 2 official finals, and a presentation. I'm also an aunt now! Not too fond of kids myself, but my nephew is the exception lmao, he's pretty cool for a newborn. I've also been reading a book right now called 'Tiny Traumas' to hopefully help me identify some areas in my life that could've contributed to the way I think, act, and feel, and how to move forward. I also finally get to start working, so making some money will be nice. Putting off relationships for a while and focusing on making money and bettering myself

What have I learned? Well, I can't have sex without developing feelings - found that out the hard way, I genuinely DID go through a traumatic experience and I had been downplaying it for years because nothing physical happened, don't trust Gemini men, don't date a 23 year old at 19, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK AFTER HE CHEATS EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY EMOTIONALLY CHEATING, and I cannot do a polyamorous relationship. Scratch that, what I actually learned was that I was a unicorn lmao. At least it makes a good funny story to tell.

So I'm mostly making all of this known to hopefully help feel someone less alone, especially on the NSFW side of Tumblr, as well as to just vent a bit while avoiding trauma dumping. This is also just to help show where I've been and how I'm doing. Besides that, I should be back for good, and I hope you guys are doing well :)

[evilwickedme]

Can you elaborate on bipolar!Jason and ADHD!Dick?

Thank you for asking!!

I feel like ADHD!Dick is pretty accepted by the fandom actually, especially in view of his post-Rebirth characterization. But I think his Robin days actually provide further proof for it - he was a bit of a typical "oh butterfly!!!" kinda kid. His anger issues also scream ADHD to me - I mentioned this in my autism headcanon for Damian, but problems with emotional regulation are pretty common among people with ADHD too. Honestly I think he could get diagnosed in canon without anything about his characterization, either pre-N52 or post-Rebirth (which are wildly different characterizations, to be clear), changing at all. (I haven't read any of his n52 appearances except for his appearance in RHatO's volume of Death in the Family and I'm just not going to say I have a good grasp of his personality in that from like, two issues.)

As for bipolar!Jason!! Ngl part of this is projection, but I also think it absolutely fits him. He goes through periods of crippling self doubt and self hatred vs periods of hyper competence and extreme focus. I personally don't experience psychosis, but I definitely think certain appearances of his that seem a bit wild in comparison to other contemporary appearances (ahem, Titans Tower) can be seen as psychotic episodes. He goes from being extremely impulsive to extremely careful, planning nothing to planning everything. His emotional state is in general incredibly volatile, which, okay like listen. I have autism ADHD and bipolar, I really never had a chance when it comes to emotional regulation, but when I'm experiencing a manic episode it's wayyyy worse than when I'm experiencing a depressive episode. I think he probably has longer manic periods with sudden yet extreme depressive episodes, and I doubt he has the self awareness to distinguish his grief over his own death from depression or to notice the way his emotions have become atypically extreme. Not that Jason isn't smart - just not necessarily extremely in tune with his own emotions. I think he's been through just a little too much trauma to really spend the time looking inward like that. God he needs therapy

Both of these are honestly somewhere between headcanons and just like. Straight up analysis of the text, but yeah, that's my take, thanks again for asking!

[thatfanficgurl]

I know I'm late in getting chapters out. I'm dealing with some rough depression and PTLDS issues. Please be patient. I am working on 3 fanfictions right now and I'm trying to get them done right. Again I'm sorry.

[deepdarkdelights]

what would happen if like the bouquet boy's mc just snapped? like suddenly went all vegetable state, idk much about mental health. but like in the movies where they are just sitting there but not yk talking or reacting. To the point where they aren't even listening just existing?

Hello anon, I believe what you are referring to is called catatonia!

Catatonia can manifest itself in many ways, in some cases it is seen as despondence like what you are describing - the most recognized cases of catatonia are typically seen with schizophrenia, or it can manifest in seemingly odd or atypical behaviors.

But, the most important facet of it deals with your awareness of your surroundings and the world around you. In the MCs case, her catatonia could likely be the result of depression or potentially PTSD. Of course, this is just an assumption and not a formal diagnosis.

*Side note - in 10 series we see JK's mother exhibiting signs/symptoms of catatonia

BUT none of this is what you asked me so it's time I stop rambling and move on lol. As to how the boys would react, I think it's safe to say that they would be distressed and disturbed especially if the MC is experiencing a severe case of catatonia to the point where she isn't moving, responding, and appears to be dazed. I think that if the MC is experiencing this severe of a case, this would be one of the only times they would be willing to seek outside help for her because there is nothing they really can do on their own to pull her out of this state especially when we consider the fact that they are the cause of her trauma, stress, and depression.

[remtheenlightenedone]

Hashtags imma use from now on....

So idk if this is a thing, but I made a few hashtags for my post to specify it's my post. Just bored and wanted something to list too. Alright:

#just thoughts / #rem's thoughts = my two cents, comments, opinions, on a specific topic

#mental wellness / #rem's mental wellness = mental health related stuff in general. Sometimes I might not tag as such.

#no offense = in regards to jokes that are sarcastic, crude, or just a tidbit out of pocket. Usually just an autistic thing.

#bruh = "I can't believe you posted this" / "did they really say or do that?" (Not op, the person they mentioned) / funny and/or random post. Not a bad thing.

#no sleep / #2 am thoughts = comments passed bed curfew or midnight

#quotes = shared or reblogged quotes

#inspirational / #motivational = quotes, stories, poems, etc that are meant to inspire and encourage positive outlook on life

#rem's vegeta f/o = regarding "my" Vegeta. Not anyone else that shares him.

#positivity = general positive post

#f/o positivity / #fictosexual / #proselfship positivity / #proself-ship community / #f/o community = I am neither on any side but the proship community in general has always been chill so I made these tags in case. But it's in regards to f/o or fictosexuality in general. I don't pick sides. I refuse to.

#rem's philosophy / #philosopy = covers theism, agnosticism, and philosophies I share that consist of stoicism, minimalism, Buddhism, and daoism. Some might be christian based but dw I'm not a Christianity zealot. I follow God for how I believe God to be.

#rem's (insert mental disability/illness here) = anything related to Autism/Asperger's/Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD or with both just AuADHD. Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Atypical Depression, or any other thing I haven't listed.

#rem's manic panic! = If im self aware enough, I will tag this. Usually I tend to make longer post or can't articulate myself in less word counts so I go on long tangents. It's usually caused by hyperactivity or mania.

#err of caution on rem = rem's not themselves, possibly paranoid, and needs help. Give them a hug and some treats and comment positive things. They will thank you. Also a tag to indicate that I'm not myself. May not be mentioned during times of distress or illness.

#rem the poet = poems made by rem. They're not the best but they're fun to write.

# rem the burned out artist = artwork that is either finished, wip, detailed, simple, etc and consist of watercolor, acrylic, graphite, or digital drawings on ibis paint. Hardly post though

#rem loves it = when a like on a post isn't enough to show appreciation for it and op

#🙏🏽❤️ = your post has been praised / appraisal

#❤️ = shorthand for rem loves it

#rem rebukes = for negative post that has negative speech, words, phrases, etc. Or tells someone to unalive (ex. kys)

If rem thinks it speaks from a dark place, rem rebukes it. Also to rebuke on their own post that speaks of toxic or negative people.

#rem thinks this is positive 👍🏽 = self explanatory

#rem's positivity bookmark / #positivity vibes #positive thoughts / #positive = for positive post, quotes, etc.

#rem likes pokemon / #rem's pokemon= pokemon related stuff

#this is why rem likes atla/tlok = for topics relating to atla/tlok or any zutara content

If I think of any more id definitely post them in an update ✌🏽

[my-fool]

I really hate that adam conover "sex addiction isnt a thing 🙄" short because almost anything you might imagine a sex addiction to be (since its a super vague term) actually does exist.

Like his point is that nobody ever NEEDS sex (which is literally not what an addiction is lol) as incels describe needing sex which is a whole nother question worth discussing

But like its totally possible to have a recurring, mental dependency on seeking out sexual stimulation in the same way most people agree you can be addicted to shopping or gambling where it goes beyond gratification into something that you're aware on some level is harming you. Id actually argue that it happens far more often with sex and masturbation over gambling or shopping because in sexual stimulation you're having a tangible effect on your hormones and serotonin levels. Its not unheard of for people suffering from mild depression or anxiety to compulsively masturbate.

Following sexual assault, survivors relationship to sex can be very variable. Not all victims respond to their trauma by becoming sexually withdrawn and touch averse; people do become sexually hyperactive after trauma.

I just wish that in the hurry to denounce incels, people with atypical sexual responses weren't caught in the crossfire. Obviously none of the reasons ive listed make it ok to push someone into sex because you "need" it. Actually in all of these examples you could say sex is a dubiously good coping mechanism for an unaddressed root cause. But they're also genuine problems worth discussing on the same level as other behavioural symptoms.

[talesfrmpurgatory]

I will never judge someone or even make any assumptions about them based on a diagnosis, ESPECIALLY a professional diagnosis. Diagnosis is more art than science, and it is stunning how little many healthcare providers know about neurodivergence. Even mental health professionals usually—yes, usually—have no idea what autism looks like in the wild, and I’ve met people diagnosed with bipolar, bpd, apd, NPD, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective who I am absolutely sure are autistic and have PTSD. (Schizophrenia and autism are genetically related and are really quite similar; I often think the distinction can be arbitrary and based more on factors besides someone’s neural makeup. Autism used to be called childhood schizophrenia, and I’m really quite tired of the saneism in the autistic community, when people try to distance themselves from our schizophrenic neurosiblings. But I digress.)

A diagnosis really says very little about you, and while I love the community-building aspects that can occur from all of us with a particular dx coming together, I am still going to judge you on you alone. I think we all need to be more accepting of others. We need to be accepting of meltdowns, shutdowns, psychosis, depression, suicidality, social misunderstandings and atypical social behavior. Someone behaving in a way you’re not used to, isn’t hurting you. We need to be very aware of what constitutes true harm. Even if someone is screaming their head off about the demons in their bedroom, that’s not actually hurting us, it is just making us anxious because we might not know what to do.

What ISN’T neurodivergent behavior is the stuff that’s actually hurtful: violence, bigotry, stealing, purposeful manipulation, and lack of empathy or compassion. None of those are aspects of any true neurodivergence, and never need to be tolerated or excused as such. Ever. Sometimes it is difficult to sort out the difference between, say, a PTSD reaction and deliberately hurtful behavior, because we can’t necessarily know someone else’s intent or inner landscape. The long and the short of it is, you’re never obligated to put up with someone if they’re hurting you or if they make you constantly on edge or feel unsafe—regardless of the reason. But we can approach people with compassion, even if the most compassionate thing for us to do is cut contact.

Most of the best people I’ve ever met are neurodivergent. You’re missing out on some great people if you reject others just for atypical social behavior or because they have meltdowns or psychotic breaks.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

im so goddamn tired actually. idk if you guys offer comfort but advice also works or something

so i have npd and i am seeing CONSTANT ableist stuff against pwnpd and im so goddamn tired constantly having to deal with seeing people who i KNOW think i deserve my trauma, and would be happy to see me abused simply because my trauma is specific and manifested in a specific way

plus like. im self diagnosed with everything out of obligation and on one hand i know im right (the nod is self diagnosed but infit wll the criteria but cause of the stigma and the fact im covert-vulnerable means that im not Narc enough for a diagnosis. self-diagnosed with cptsd and atypical-depression, again, out of obligation because i fit the criteria and all that but nobody fucking cares enough about what i think to listen to me)

so again yeah. advice or comfort or whatever. thanks

Hi anon,

I'm sorry that you've had to put up with the ableism and sanism directed at pwNPD. Your exhaustion is justified and understandable. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know much about what NPD actually is and how it's caused - I personally feel that if there were more awareness, there would be less hostility, because people usually respond with anger when they are presented with something they don't understand. I hope that if you are open to and can afford an evaluation that you can be paired with someone who takes you and your symptoms seriously, but it's also important to remember that you don't need a diagnosis to be valid - you already are.

-Bun

[mmfordhamneuro]

Low Doses of Ketamine as a Rapid Antidepressant

Post by Maeve (BISC 4532 - Spring 2024)

One of the most prevalent mental health disorders in the United States is depression. The CDC reported that over 18%, almost 1 in 5, Americans reported having ever been diagnosed with depression, making it a highly prevalent issue. One of the most common treatments for depression are Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI), which selectively inhibit the reuptake of serotonin, leading to excess serotonin in the synapses. While effective, SSRIs can have hefty side effects, such as nausea, headaches, and symptoms of serotonin syndrome. Additionally, SSRIs must be taken for several weeks before the patient begins to feel a reduction in depressive symptoms. So, what if a different drug had a more immediate therapeutic effect? 

A study done on the effect of ketamine on MDD symptoms revealed that therapeutic effects of depression treatments may be able to come to fruition much sooner than possible with standard SSRI treatments. 

68 participants with treatment-resistant MDD or bipolar disorder were weaned off any medication and were given either a ketamine and placebo infusion two weeks apart, with the order of each injection being randomized between participants. This was a double blind study, meaning neither the patient nor investigators, nursing staff, or clinical raters were aware of which solution the patient was given. 

To measure symptoms, the MADRS was used to assess depressive symptoms and the MADRS5 was used to assess the symptoms associated with typical symptoms. The Structured Interview Guide for the clinician-administered Hamilton Depression Rating Scale–Seasoned Affective Disorder Version (SIGH-SAD), specifically the Scale for Atypical Symptoms (SAS), was used to assess the symptoms associated with atypical depression. Examples of these symptoms include social withdrawal, weight gain, increased appetite, and hypersomnia. 

The ketamine infusion resulted in statistically significant improvements in symptoms detected in the MADRS (typical symptoms), specifically pessimistic thoughts, sadness, and inability to feel. Additionally, the ketamine infusion resulted in statistically significant improvements in symptoms detected in the SAS (atypical symptoms), specifically carbohydrate craving, social withdrawal, and fatigability. 

At the day 3 mark following the ketamine administration, statistically significant improvements in typical and atypical symptoms such as reported sadness, inability to feel, concentration difficulties, apparent sadness, social withdrawal, carbohydrate craving, and fatigability. Over the three day interval consistent improvements were made among the symptoms. 

The results of this study indicate that ketamine appears to rapidly alleviate symptoms, and is most rapidly able to alleviate symptoms of typical depression. Typical symptoms were significantly improved after just one day post ketamine administration, and atypical symptoms had nearly the same levels of alleviation after three days post ketamine administration.

So, what about the mechanisms behind ketamine make it such a fast acting antidepressant?

A study done with 58 participants with major depressive disorder investigated mechanisms related to ketamine’s rapid antidepressant effects. In this study, ketamine was found to increase functional connectivity in the VS-left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and DC-right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex. These effects were specific to the fronto-striatal circuitry. Post-ketamine, increased C-reactive protein were correlated with decreased VRP-right orbitofrontal cortex functional connectivity. 

Fronto-striatal interactions have been shown to be significantly associated with motivational behavior, and the findings of this study suggest that depressive symptoms may be due to a lack of interaction between these regions. Ketamine’s impact on functional connectivity may be what is alleviating these depressive symptoms, meaning that ketamine may increase cognitive flexibility as well as modulation over reward processes. This, in turn, may be what is providing therapeutic effects on depressive symptoms. 

What can this tell us about ketamine, and the larger discussion surrounding antidepressants as a whole? 

Firstly, it is important to note that these studies are preliminary and should be interpreted with caution, as they are very preliminary. The role of ketamine as an antidepressant is still largely unknown in terms of its specific neural mechanisms, and the results of preliminary studies require further understanding before a drug like ketamine can be regularly used in a clinical setting.

Additionally, ketamine is a highly abused drug that can have negative side effects such as dissociative effects and an addictive potential. Considering these concerns, further research regarding administering ketamine as a fast acting antidepressant is needed.

Despite these necessary cautions, the results of these studies present exciting knowledge related to treatments for depression. With such a high prevalence across the population, effective therapeutic treatments for depression are needed, and the possibility of a fast acting drug to alleviate symptoms is promising. Upon further knowledge and research, it is possible that low, initial doses of ketamine may be able to act as a clinically administered rapid antidepressant. 

Sources:

Mkrtchian, A., Evans, J. W., Kraus, C., Yuan, P., Kadriu, B., Nugent, A. C., Roiser, J. P., & Zarate, C. A., Jr (2021). Ketamine modulates fronto-striatal circuitry��in depressed and healthy individuals. Molecular psychiatry, 26(7), 3292–3301. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-020-00878-1

Park, L. T., Luckenbaugh, D. A., Pennybaker, S. J., Hopkins, M. A., Henter, I. D., Lener, M. S., Kadriu, B., Ballard, E. D., & Zarate, C. A., Jr (2020). The effects of ketamine on typical and atypical depressive symptoms. Acta psychiatrica Scandinavica, 142(5), 394–401. https://doi.org/10.1111/acps.13216

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/72/wr/mm7224a1.htm