#basically I’m just v v lucky to be doing work that I love and that means a lot to me

[narumi-gens]

I just got home from this really important and huge work conference that we hold and I was just soooo emotional yesterday on the last day of the event (good emotional). I won’t say too much about what I do but I work for a nonprofit so it’s mission-based work that I really really care a lot about and I just couldn’t stop crying yesterday and am still a little weepy today when I think about it (also v v v exhausted and sleepy).

[lanabuckybarnes]

Sergeant’s Got You

18+ Minors DNI

You’re stressed, he knows exactly how to make you feel better.

Note: I was asked for something like this, so it’s heavy on the love for his dog tags

Pairing: beefy Bucky (but he’s got that fatws attitude) x reader

Warnings: Dom Bucky, basically smutty right from the get go, filthy buck, he has his metal arm (I’m a slut for it), you like Bucky’s dog tags, like really like them, Petnames: sweetness, sweetheart, sweet thing, sweetie, good girl, baby, a LOT of dirty talk, sergeant kink, sir kink, oral (M receiving), unprotected p in v sex, he’s rough, degradation, feral Bucky, squirting, creampie, aftercare.

Word Count: 3.2k *insert cat HUH sound*

You were stressed beyond belief. Your mission ended up having a few more loose ends than anyone was anticipating leaving you to pick up the pieces. Now you were finally back in New York and ready to punch the next person who pats your back sympathetically with a ‘you tried’ look on their face.

Just as you were contemplating boxing the cupboard in the kitchen than wouldn’t stay open two strong arms pulled you back and into a hard body.

“You alright sweetness?” Bucky spoke into the locks of hair at the back of your ear. His cologne had you relaxing already, the fingers on his right hand hitched up your shirt to rub soothing circles over your hip bone. What really got you was the subtle grind of his hips against your ass; he was a filthy shit, you loved it when he knew what you wanted.

You flipped your body around in his arms, your fingers running up from his abs to his soft chest until they wrapped around his neck. He smirked, he knew exactly what you wanted him to do but he was a tease, you had to tell him or he wouldn’t. It’s just the way the world worked for you sweetheart.

You surged forward, desperate for a taste of the cherry lips you missed so much. You hated to admit just how much the man in front of you affected you, how often on your mission your hand snaked down your body and in-between your legs at the photos Sam sent of your lost puppy husband, his wide back and tiny waist wrapped in that blue Henley that had the arms pulled up to his forearm revealing the long veins and thick structure underneath. You needed him, now.

He pulled back just as your lips brushed his, a dark smirk and a filthy blue colour surfacing in his orbs. Fucking tease.

“You know you gotta use your words sweetheart” One of his big hands, his metal one, landed on the back of your skull, the metal thumb dancing over your bottom lip before you sucked it into your wet mouth. He growled at the innocent look you gave him as your tongue flicked over the tip before poking out and running up the underside of the shiny plates.

He pushed down, holding your tongue in place as it travelled, drool dripping from the muscle but he didn’t care, the sight of the rivulets of saliva sliding down the silver had him harder than a rock. One of the most technologically advanced pieces of handiwork and you were sucking on it like a little slut, pathetic.

He had you in his room before you could even blink, the rough slamming of the door vibrating the wall he pushed you up against.

“You’re a little slut ain’t you? Sucking on my thumb like my cock, getting your drool everywhere, you’re so lucky I don’t make you clean it up” he spoke as he hastily pulled your shirt and his off, his dog tags jangling softly as they fell back into place between his huge chest. You moved like a magpie, gripping at the shiny metal tags, giving them a squeeze, his name imprinting for a second of the fat of your palm before letting them slip between your fingers.

He watched you, ever fascinated at just how worked up you got about him, but it was your love for his dog tags that had him curious. You always, without fail slipped a finger around them, whether it was when you pulled him close for a kiss or if your slept on his chest, one of your fingers slipped itself through the chain and held them close to your hand.

He wasn’t stupid though, he could practically smell when you soaked yourself, always conveniently after his swinging tags made contact with your chin or ran up the column in your spine, the way that little pussy tightened around him when the old metal swept over your lips, tapping your teeth as you moaned out in pleasure. It made him embarrassingly weak too.

“You want me to fuck you cute girl?” He groaned into the crook of your neck, his plush lips suckling obscene dark marks downward till he reached the crevice of your breasts, your legs wrapped around him tighter as his hand grazed over your sensitive sides to the meat of your tit, gripping it softly and flicking a warm thumb over your nipple. You jerked into him at the shock of pleasure, your hand carding through his waves of hair and pulling him close as worked on the underside of your other boob.

“Words Sweetheart, I need words” He knew it wouldn’t be long till you hit that sub space, the same thing always happened when you were stressed, you needed your big Sergeant to take the wheel, use you a little bit.

“Please” fuck the whimper in your voice had him grinding up into you, the scratchy fabric of his jeans meeting the barely their material of the shorts you wore under your gear.

“Please what sweet thing?” he moved to watch the deep colour of your eyes swim with lust, eradicating any stress they once held, he was doing his job.

“Please use me Sir��� you whined, fingers wrapping around the chain of his dog tags again to pull him close, finally getting that kiss you so desperately needed. His left hand cupped your cheek, rubbing a thumb over the high point softly, a sharp contrast to the bruising kiss you had going on. Teeth clashed with teeth, soft whimpers falling from your lips as he pushed closer, flicking his tongue viciously with your much weaker one, running against the top of it and sucking once it gave up it’s fight. He pulled you in again, tender with his lips this time, enclosing your swollen ones with his, his tongue running over your upper lip soothingly.

“Fuck! You’re making me go crazy” he chuckled as he moved off the wall, backing himself up to the bed till his calves hit the frame. He sat down with both of you, your body straddling him, his right hand pushing you back and forth softly on his bulge. The lust in his eyes mixed with a softness as he looked up at you, his metal hand still on your face although now his shiny forefinger and thumb hooked onto your chin, pulling you forward for a kiss, and another, and another. You whined, you didn’t want kisses and grinding, you wanted him to blow your back out, use your pretty face, anything but this.

Seeming to sense your thoughts he stopped your movements, the right hand coming up to join his left on either side of your face.

“What do you want sweetheart? You want your soldier to ruin you? I can feel how hot you are on my dick… you want it bad don’t you?” You moaned at his words, dripping filthily from his tongue, he sure had a way to fuck you up without even pulling out his cock.

“Yes, yes please. Use me” he smirked, satisfied at your whimpered begging. With a click of his tongue and a flick of his eyes he had you manoeuvring onto your knees in front of him.

He was a sight, he looked carved from marble, each bend of his body, every nook and muscle and vein delicately etched into rock solid stone to be preserved for a lifetime. His bulge strained painfully against his jeans, angrily awaiting your slender fingers offering it reprise from its tight cell. You were glad to give it just that.

Clumsily, you fiddled with the thick belt around his waist, smiling in satisfaction when the rhythmic clanks finally hit your ears. You flicked the button open and were about to pull the zip of his fly when his hand stopped you.

“With your mouth sweetness” his lip caught between his teeth, a soft blush decorated his face and chest as he watched you. Your tongue ran up the metal, the slight tang hitting your tastebuds, you flicked the little tab until sat snug between your teeth and pulled it down slowly, each tooth of the zip clicking as it finally opened.

Once you were done, Bucky pushed the thick material down his legs with a relieved sigh, letting it pool at his ankles before flicking them off with your help. His hard-on raged against the soft grey briefs, a pool of darkness lay at the head, precum soaking through.

His hands met yours, pulling them up his thighs and hooking them around the waistband of his briefs. He smiles down at you, eyes crinkling and neck craned as he watched you both inch down his underwear until it caught on his tip, he hissed as the scratchy fabric pulled over his silky head before it slapped deliciously onto his public bone and stomach.

“God” he chuckled breathlessly at the feeling of finally being free “look at you drooling all over yourself for me, you want a taste sweet thing?” His metal fingers had wrapped themselves around the fat base of his length, pushing it forward till the spongy tip hooked onto your upper lip, his salty precum smearing over it like a x-rated lip balm.

You pecked the tip of his dick, the tip of your tongue barely poking him as you did. You moved down, lips brushing against every angry vein on his cock until you met the metal of his hand in which you slowly licked a thick strip back up until you swirled your wet muscle against his head relentlessly.

“Fuck sweetheart, good girl” he groaned, head lulling back as his hips jittered off the bed softly, pushing his head into your awaiting mouth. You sucked him in greedily, selfishly inhaling his thick musky scent that had your pussy drooling against your lace panties, threatening to spill into your shorts— you didn’t doubt that if he had you naked, your essence would drip all over the wood of the floor— he’d have a field day making you clean it up.

“God you’re so good, ha— making your soldier feel so good, you like your sergeant all needy? Ready to pull you up off that floor and sink my cock into you” You moaned against his length, gagging softly when he jerked up into the back of your throat.

“Shit, Nuh uh get up here, I wanna cum in that pretty pussy, move come on” He pulled you up and off his length like you weighed nothing at all, his fingers ripping the shorts from your body and only stopping when he caught a glimpse of you’re soaked panties.

“Fuck girl, who’s got you like this hmm?” His thick thumb brushed small circles over your neglected clit. You moaned loudly, jerking off the bed with a shudder at the feeling, more of your slick pooling into your already soaked gusset.

“Mmm I can fucking smell you, smell so good baby… bet I could fuck you without prep, you want that?” He spoke, his voice deep, laced with primal lust— nothing like the composed grumpy old man everyone else saw— no, he was raw, unhinged, pupils blown wide with sexual desire. You wanted nothing more than his cock in you.

“Please Buck, just your cock I don’t care just please” you cried when he pushed particularly hard on your aching nub, your knuckles turning white as you fisted then covers beneath you; your legs shook as they threatened to close on his thick forearm, you were close already but you didn’t want to cum without him filling you out.

He gleamed at your form, fucked out, soaked and crying already— he’d barely fucking touched you— he couldn’t wait to see your face as he fucked you raw.

He ripped your panties with renewed vigour, the ruined material pulled away from your sensitive heat to hang around the your ankle that now sat over Bucky’s muscular shoulder. Your thigh quaked softly at the stretch but his cold digits ran softly against the tight muscle, soothing it for the time being.

His fat head tapped against your clit, each wet slap causing your body to twitch off the bed at the electric jolts of pleasure it sent up your spine. You could feel Bucky’s fingers circling your entrance, two of his thick fingers squishing into your tight hole as he prepped you lightly. When they left, a long line of arousal followed, connecting him to you, he growled at the sight before licking the wetness from his rough palm and middle finger.

“Mmm so sweet, if I wasn’t so fucking horny I’d make you cum all over my face… make you soak my mouth, shit” he was talking more to himself than you but you clenched around nothing at the thought, the thought of him eating you out for hours was not impossible, he’d done it before.

His thick tip drooling against your entrance pulled you from your trance, he pushed softly, hooking his head along the tight rim of your pussy as he stared up at you.

“you ready sweet thing?” He leaned over, right hand resting against the side of your head, his thumb flicking stray tears from your cheeks. You nodded softly, eyes unmoving from him, watching as his lips twitched in pleasure as his head popped into you, each inch dragging in slowly, aided by your soaked folds.

You moaned pathetically, his head running over your g-spot had you clenching around him, your orgasm hitting you quickly, your hands tightening painfully against the sheets as white hot pleasure soaked through your nerves. Everything was tingling, flashes of colour dancing over your closed eyelids.

Bucky wasn’t much better as he watched you, having to will his own orgasm down at the sight of you losing yourself over him already. You were a fucking sight to him, your tits bouncing with each sharp breath you took, mouth hung open allowing each whimper or silent scream to escape unabashedly.

“Ohh good girl, that’s it mmmm shit you’re fucking clenching me tight baby” Bucky mumbled, words falling from his lips in verbal mush, his own mind barely keeping up. When you finally came down from your high you open your eyes to look up at him, a shy little smile playing on your lips at the way he bore down at you.

“I’m so-“ you began but he pushed forward, sucking up your moan at the feeling of him hitting your cervix into his mouth.

“Don’t you dare be fucking sorry for that sweetheart, you hear? Fucking almost made me cum like a fucking teenager again, naughty girl ain’t you? I fucking love you” His hot breath panted against your lips as he growled at you, the last thing he wanted was for you to feel ashamed about the pleasure you were feeling. You blushed deeply, it was quite funny just how much his love for you made you blush, even when he was currently pushing against the deepest parts of you.

“Can I move baby?” He asked against your lips, smiling satisfyingly as you nodded before planting a wet kiss on your lips and pushing himself up.

He started slow, letting each vein pull against every nerve in your heat, his teeth clenching at just how tight you’d squeeze every time his head brushed against your sweet bundle of pleasure. His smooth pace never lasted long though, his hips jerked violently against you once he deemed you ready enough, your body slipping up across the sheets at each slam of his hips against your thighs.

He was leaning over you now, your leg pushed up between both your bodies, his dog tags clanging above your face at each jerk of his body. You reached a hand up, encircling the darkened metal, pulling on it as your body twitched with hints of a second orgasm.

“Shit! You like when my fucking tags hang over your face, fucking little slut aren’t you? You like being fucked like this? your sergeant fucking all that stress away? Mmm god, maybe I’ll put them around your neck next time hmm? Have you wear them when you’re riding me, let them fucking swing between those tits— god you’d love that” Bucky rambled, on and on, thrusts becoming sloppy as you clenched around him for the umpteenth time, only this time your orgasm slammed into you like a freight train, you could feel yourself soaking Bucky’s dick and thighs— probably soaking the already destroyed sheets below you.

With one final thrust Bucky’s moan caught in this throat as he pushed himself the deepest he could go, hot cum soaking your cervix and pushing out against his length to run along your folds, mixing with your juices. His legs give out forcing himself against you even more, pulling a pained whine from you at the feeling. As your orgasms settled, your breathing slightly less laboured although still heavy, you pulled him close by his tags, kissing his blissed out face right on the lips.

“You were so good for me sweet thing, so fucking good” he praised, his metal hand running through your tangled hair, soothing your heated scalp.

He leaned back up with a groan, massaging your aching leg as he pulled it from his shoulder before slipping out of your pussy. You both moaned at the loss, your heat clenching against nothing as his cum slipped from your body in waves. He couldn’t tear his eyes from your heat, tongue poking out to wet his lips as he watched intently. You giggled shyly at his intense expression, your aching legs closing softly in embarrassment much to Bucky’s dismay.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up” he smiled, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you to the bathroom. You snuck a glimpse of the sheets as he carried you, the whole area soaked in a mixture of you both.

“Oh my god” you whispered in disbelief against his head.

“What?” He replied as he set you down and began running a bath.

“The sheets are ruined, I can’t believe I did that” you eyed his naked frame from behind, his wide back flushed red but still absolutely stunning, each muscle rippling as he moved methodically, his small waist directing you to his thick globes. It was then Bucky turned to look at you, catching you ogling at his ass, he laughed when you turned quickly.

“It makes me proud when I look at those sheets, I mean who else can make you squirt like that? Fucking no one” he growled the last part against your lips giving you a quick smooch before turning the water off and lifting you both into the hot bubbled water.

His hands massaged your shoulders, working out the knots from your activities as well as any left over stress from your mission, not that there was any after he fucked it out of you.

You two sat in silence, save for the occasional sigh you let out when he hit the right spot, both savouring each other’s presence, reminiscing on the way you exhausted each other. You laugh when you remember his words.

“What? what’s got you all giggly?” he asked, nipping the skin on the nape of your neck.

“Nothing… just… were you being serious?”

“About what sweetheart?” He eyes you curiously.

“About letting me wear your dog tags” you suppress a smirk as you feel him twitch against your back, obviously your words sparking something in him.

“We’ll discuss it later” he rasped causing you to laugh out loud.

Your week had been stressful, with never ending problems and constant nagging from the higher ups to do the job but when you were in Bucky’s embrace, when you had those dog tags between your fingers or dangling over your face, everything melted away into nothingness, leaving you and Bucky alone.

-

So I lied mwahahahaha, I was going to post it yesterday but I love alcohol so I was drunk but here we are.

I’m a little nervous to post this one idk why.

I hope you enjoyed x

(I do not own any of the photos, credits to original owners)

[sucrelip]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Thinking about Rich!Nanami and Bimbo!Girlfriend…

tags: established relationship, f!reader, nanami wants to mary his gf, some smut with no p in v, oral sex (f receiving), quick mention of p in v, slight crack

♡ MDNI ! ♡

Rich!Nanami is impossibly in love with his bimbo girlfriend, you ! His airheaded, silly, clingy and expensive as hell darling girlfriend.

Rich!Nanami sits calmly in his office chair, doing whatever work he had to do on his computer, while you (who used the "Kenny boo !!! you forgot your water bottle at homeee !! Bringing it right neow<33" excuse to visit him at work…) are standing behind him, hugging his shoulders tight as you press biiig kisses on his cheek, leaving outrageously visible pink and glossy marks on his skin.

You’re giggling and rambling about your silly little life, how you were out for shopping with your girlfriends earlier and saw this super adorable and super expensive dress, only for him to take his phone out and send you all the money you need with an extra 200$ without even saying a word.

Speaking of shopping….you were out for new clothes at least three times a week. And everytime, you gave your boyfriend a little fashion show in the large living room of the penthouse he paid for you two.

You’re showing off your new tight tank tops with wide necklines that almost made your breasts spill out inapropriately, your mini, no, microskirts that nearly looked like belts, your designer bags and high heels, giggling happily at how lucky you were to be able to borrow your rich boyfriend’s card to buy whatever you wanted!

Rich!Nanami who pays for your manicures each month without you asking. He just loves it when your overly decorated gel nails scratch his back helplessly whenever his cock is buried deeply in your cunt, making you cry out his name with that sweet voice of yours.

Rich!Nanami who fucks you stupid on the kitchen counter when he saw you bake whatever cake you saw on pinterest with nothing but a pink lacy thong and bra set and a cute apron.

He just couldn’t control himself around you ! You were always half naked doing basic things such as baking…how was he supposed to stay calm when he walked in on his silly girlfriend, bent over the counter with her plump ass all displayed for him while she was cutting fruit slices and listening to her eurodance gyaru playlist !

He approaches you from behind, inhales in your overly expensive juicy couture perfume as he wraps an arm aroud your waist to pull your ass flush against him.

"What is it that you’re cooking, my love ?" He murmurs calmly, his voice so fond and loving. You look back at him with that cute smile of yours. "Strawberry shortcake ! Look !" you pick up your phone and show him a picture of the recipe you found on pinterest. Nanami chuckles calmly. "Alright…and perhaps, care to tell me why you’re half naked, this time ?" He presses a gentle kiss right behind your ear as he teases you for all the times he’s caught you walking around the house wearing little to nothing just to get his attention. He doesn’t even listen to whatever excuse you give him and places soft kisses down your neck, gently pushing your hair to your shoulder. You squirm slightly against him as you giggle, a bit flustered by the sudden kisses, and you’re pretty sure you feel him get harder against your ass at the same moment. "I’m baking, Kennyyy…" you whine softly, which makes him grow even more excited. "I know, my love. Keep going." He murmurs softly against your neck which makes you shiver.

He’s pressing you flush against the rather large bulge in his pants as one of his hand slips under your apron to cup one of your breasts. You squeeze your plush thighs together and let out a soft whimper when you feel his fingers graze your hardened nipple through your thin lacy bra. You push your ass against him and hear him chuckle. "I know you can’t focus on two tasks at a time." He coos softly against your skin as you feel his other hand trail down your body to your clothed pussy.

He feels just how wet you already are over the thin fabric and instantly sinks his hand under the it to directly touch your core. He lets his skilled fingers slide in your slick folds and relishes in the way you moan so needily and sweetly, like you always do. "mmffgh…" you whimper softly as his finger presses against your sensitive clit.

"Sugar…Can you focus on me for a moment ? I’ll let you cook when I’m done with you. Yeah ?" You can only nod at that, you could never ever turn him down when he was nearly grinding his boner against your ass while touching your pussy.

He quickly bends you over the counter and pulls your thong down your legs to eat you out from behind slowly, savoring the taste of your dripping pussy, his tongue licking all the way to your clit, While his hands held your plush thighs, right below your ass. He could never get used to how sweet his pretty girlfriend tasted. she always smelled like sugar, honey, vanilla, but her taste…god, her taste was just as sweet, if not more. He really wondered how you managed to have such a pretty pussy with such a delectable taste.

Rich!Nanami who basically manages your whole life. Not because you couldn’t do it. Just because you were such a lazy girl, and all you really wanted was for him to take care of all the boring stuff while you used his card and looked pretty. Your boyfriend could never say no to you, you knew it.

Rich!Nanami who, even if he works a full time job, never lets you do a thing in the house. He scolds you when you try to wash the dishes or do the laundry, because he knew how much you hated those chores.

"Darling, will you just go sit and do something else ? I’ve planned your next appointment at the hairdresser’s, go check if the date works for you, it’s on my phone." He says calmly as he tries to distract you from what you were doing.

Rich!Nanami who, of course, gave you free access to his phone. You use it like it’s yours. And it’s always a pleasure to find those pretty nudes of yours in his gallery while he’s at work. You were too good at that. Always taking such pretty and filthy photos in your most beautiful lingerie with his phone while he was busy in an another room.

Rich!Nanami who loves you a lot. Truly. You’re the love of his life, he’s going to marry you and give you kids. But he knows how airheaded you could be at times. And he found it endearing, really ! But he had to adapt to it.

He keeps all of your appointments in his agenda to remind you of them, he constantly reminds you to eat your food because you’re always yapping and rambling when you eat together, he always keeps his hand on your lower back to keep you close when you’re outside, because he knows you get distracted at anything and everything on the street…

a dog ? You’re gonna want to pet it. A cat ? You’re gonna want to pet it. A baby in their carriage ? You’re gonna ask their parents if you can play with them. And of course…clothes ? You’re gonna want to buy them. Jewelry ? Idem. And the list could go on and on.

Rich!Nanami who once had to leave work early. Very unexpected of him. "Nanamin ! Where you goin’ ?" Satoru, his coworker, asked curiously. "Home. My wife broke her nail. She said it’s terribly painful." He responds dead serious as he takes his jacket and leaves hastily. He’s genuinely worried ! He can’t have his darling hurt all alone at home.

Rich!Nanami who calls you his wife like it’s true. Like you actually are, when you’re not. He’s going to propose soon though. He has everything meticulously planned. He even has the ring: a beautiful golden ring with a pink stone in the middle, extremely expensive. He’s going to take you to a five star hotel in Greece for some vacation and he’s going to propose on the beach, because he knows how much you loved the beach. (Mainly because you could wear your slightly too small and too tight bikinis and pick up pretty shells…)

Rich!Nanami who, after he proposed, gets so hard everytime you call him your fiancé or whenever you show off your shiny engagement ring to other people. He just can’t wait to marry you…

Thank u for reading !!! <33

@ sucrelip — do not copy, use or feed to AI !

[astraldelights]

Brat! 🪖

Synopsis: You start acting like a brat and Ben knows exactly how to put you into your place.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Word count: 2.1k

Content warnings: SMUT (18+), P in V, Spanking, Brat Taming, Unprotected Sex ( Ben doesn't believe in condoms), Glasses get thrown onto the ground :(, Soldier Boy being an ass.

-

“Hey sweetheart.”He exhaled after taking a drag of his lucky joint. The smell of weed was strong in the air, his legs spread wide clearly wanting to let you know how big it was. You rolled your eyes in response and tried to ignore his irritating presence. 

The only reason you had stayed back was because Butcher stuck you on babysitting duty. In his own words, “ Love, you would get squished like a bug if you went with us.” 

Even after insisting on tagging along on their field mission, you were met with a hard no. You didn't disagree completely but just wanted to avoid dealing with Soldier Boy’s outdated notion about women and politics. 

You had been with Butcher and his gang for a few months. You mostly helped out with research and handling retrieval of sensitive digital information from certain companies. Working behind the scenes meant that you were not physically built for any of the missions which usually involved combat. MM and Frenchie had been kind enough to train you in the basics of self defence and hand to hand combat. Teaching you how to use a handgun as well, in case shit got real, and with Butcher’s baggage it always did.

“Hey princess, you know playing hard to get only makes me want you more.” He said with a deep grin on his face. It was clear his high could get to him, considering the copious amount of weed he had already smoked through. You didn't mind the weed, but the only thing that ruined your high was him sitting beside you. Opening your laptop, you started to try and do your own work.

While you didn’t like Soldier Boy, you couldn't deny that he was very attractive. His dick-swinging, cocky attitude had to come from somewhere. He knew he was hot and you hated it. The first time you met him you had to act like you weren't completely ogling him through the body cams Butcher and crew had on them after breaking into the Russian lab. He was shown in all his glory, with his beard grown and body still in perfect shape. Before you could continue watching, the cameras seemed to go off after he let out that nuclear blast from his chest. Being around him was an internal battle everyday, trying to not look him directly in the face to avoid having to confront your confusing feelings towards him. 

But even that wasn’t enough.

While you were a bit of a homebody and preferred to wear comfortable clothes, you did like to dress up once in a while. And when Soldier Boy saw you in a mini-skirt for the first time, his perverted comments started. “Woah where have you been hiding?” “Is that what women are wearing nowadays? You look like a hooker. Not that I’m complaining” 

The rational part of you hated being objectified under his gaze, and the other part rubbed your thighs together every time he said something with his deep baritone voice. Everytime he spoke, its deepness sent a shiver down your spine. 

Your current predicament, however, did not allow you to avoid his presence. With every other room having horrible connection, that only left the room that Soldier Boy currently occupied. 

“You know, you would look way prettier if you got rid of those glasses.” Your eyebrow twitched in anger. “I actually need these glasses. Not everyone got a dose of compound V to allow them perfect vision for the rest of their lives” You tried turning away from him, only having limited space as his manspreading took up half the tiny couch you were situated on. “Also could you PLEASE close your legs? I’m sure you don't need that much space for what's in between your legs.” You huffed out, clearly frustrated with his macho manspread he had used to take up space on the couch.

“How about you stop acting like a fucking brat.” He grumbled. Ben was sick and tired of your attitude. Your lingering stares on his face followed by quick turns away. Always coming out in shabby outfits after giving him a taste of what you looked like underneath all that fabric. You were a tease, and he was at his limit. Using his strength he manhandled you right over his thigh, computer thrown onto the ground.

“What are you-” Smack!

Ben’s hand landed straight onto your behind, leaving a stinging sensation. “If you want to act like a brat, I’m going to treat you like one. If I have to smack some manners into you I will.”

You squirm on his lap but can’t seem to get out of his supe-enhanced strength as he holds you down with one palm on your back. Smack! Another hit lands

“Stay fucking still. I want to hear you count each time I hit this pretty little ass. If I can’t hear you we start from 0, got it?” You nodded, with tears already threatening to spill from the previous two hits. 

As his hand repeatedly came down onto your tender behind, you managed to whimper out each count until you reached the number 10. Tears streaming down your face, your glasses knocked off from the force of his hits. You looked up to Ben as his hand wiped away the tears. The hand which was holding you down for punishment, now tenderly cradling your cheek.

“Now ain’t that a beautiful sight, you gonna be good for me now?” You nodded, eager to please him or save yourself from further punishment. You weren’t sure. His hands moved to slip down your shorts, cradling your ass in his palm. You felt him rub his hand against your ass, feeling you through your soaked panties.

“You actually got wet from this? You kinky slut.” He grinned at the effect he had on you. Ben knew he turned you on no matter how much you acted like you hated him. Lifting you again he set you to straddle his thigh. You stay still waiting for his next instruction, not wanting to anger him with your insubordination. 

“See! I was right you look way fucking better without those glasses, and much hotter when your looking at me with those fuck-me eyes.” Ben was brimming with confidence and pride, disciplining you seemed to stroke his ego in a special way. Using his hands, he guided your hips to start grinding on his thigh. The friction between his thigh and your panties rubbing against your clit was heaven. The more you rubbed the closer you got. Hiding your face in his shoulders while gripping his chest tightly, he knew you were getting close. Ben started to bounce his thigh and wrangled you out of hiding in his neck.

“No hiding, I want to see your face when I make you cum.” As the grinding continued, you couldn’t hold back the whimpers which were heavenly to Ben’s ears. After so long he finally got to hear your voice in a pleasant way instead of bitching at him to clean up the common space. God he loved putting you into your place, which as you would find out is beneath him while he fucks the brains out of you.

Reaching your climax, you felt your cum leak onto Ben’s thigh. Breathing unsteady, you tried to catch yourself from falling but Ben already had that covered. He laid you down onto the couch, slipping off your panties in the process while he undressed as well. Taking off his shirt, you saw all the natural muscle his body had retained even after all those years of experimentation. Skin still perfect and body perfectly ripped. Exactly how it looked on the cameras. Even better up close. As his shorts came down, you saw the size of the monster he kept in his pants. There was a good reason why women kept ‘falling’ straight into his bed, and you just saw it. 

Your legs hooked around his hips, his tip touching your entrance as he slowly slid into you. The way he filled you up made your legs tighten around him and your toes curl. 

“Oh my- nghh” You heard his chuckle reverberate through both of your bodies. 

“I just put it in and you're already cockdrunk. What a Grade-A slut.” You didn't argue back, you were too busy trying to get used to the size of his dick splitting you apart from within.  Placing your arms onto his back, you slowly tried to roll your hips against him. Desperate for some friction that he wasn't giving you.

“Tsk tsk tsk, I'm not giving you anything until I hear you beg for it” He chided your weak attempt to fuck yourself on him. 

“Soldier Boy, can you please just move?” You whined. He gave you a slow roll but stopped again.

“Call me Ben, and I want to hear you beg properly.” Ben growled, he felt you clenched on his dick in response to his commands. While you would never admit it willingly, you loved letting him boss you around and this was no exception.

“Ben can you please fuck me hard now- eep!” As soon as you completed your sentence he started thrusting in and out, unable to hold himself back any longer. Drawing himself back out, he sank back in slowly before resuming his movements, coaxing the most erotic sounds out of your mouth.

“F-fuck your tight. We gotta work on breaking in your pussy properly.” You whimpered. This was already too much for you, unsure of how much more you could hold on. He continued punishing your hole with his cock, watching it go in and out covered in both of your fluids. 

Your moans filled up the room, unable to hide any of your sounds as you were too focused on the man currently on top of you. All your little sounds and moans were heavenly to Ben's ears.

“That's it baby, just let me fuck all your thoughts out.” His balls smacked against your ass while you let him fuck you stupid, a little drop of drool escaping your open mouth. Holding your jaw tight, he kept it open as he spit straight into your mouth. You waited as he watched you hold his spit obediently.

“Good girl. Swallow.” You closed your mouth and swallowed it down as he instructed. Ben nodded as a sign of his approval as he moved his hand down to your throat, applying steady pressure and restricting your airflow. 

Your breaths got shorter as he continued to choke you. You feel the pleasure that has been building up as you start to reach its peak. You weren't sure if it was the lack of air or just the feeling of his hand around your throat, but at that point you didn't care. Locking your legs together behind him, you pushed him in deeper as you squirted onto his dick. Your cum, now all over his dick and his abs. 

Feeling you clench intensely around his dick, Ben's thrusts seemed to stutter a bit but continued its relentless abuse. His tip continually bullying your cervix, Ben was sure you weren't going to be walking tomorrow. 

“Did you just squirt on me? Fuck that was hot, I'm making sure you do that again”  You whined in response, shaking your head. You were already overstimulated from cumming twice and were sure you weren't able to give him anymore.

“You're so fucking cute. But nobody says no to me.” He moved his hand down to your clit. Rubbing it while his dick abused your cunt, hitting all the right spots inside of you. It was too much, you were too sensitive and couldn't hold yourself from cumming a third time. Your intense orgasm seemed to pull Ben over there edge as well, causing him to release deep inside you. 

“I can't hold it back anymore so fucking take it.” He grunted, painting your walls white with his cum while continuing to fucking it into you. Eventually he began to slow down and slowly pulled himself out.

Ben watched as your hold winked at him after he pulled out, leaking his cum that he shot into you. Swiping up his cum from your thighs, he pushed it back into your hole with two fingers, making sure it didn't escape. You whimpered at the feeling but was too weak to fight it. 

As he sat back up, he started smoking the joint he previously abandoned. You felt your body being shifted up and onto his lap. You curled up against him and buried your head into his neck, too exhausted and seeked his touch after such an intense session. 

“Next time keep the glasses on. I want to see it covered in my cum.”

-

A/N: He's kinda mean in this one but he's soldier boy so....

Masterlist

[fanbasetwo]

GYUVIN HAVING A SECRET CRUSH ON YOU!!

NOTE FROM SENA , i actually had an idea in my mind (which might explain how I made this one so fast lol) thank you for requesting this anon, I actually had fun writing this one! [REQUESTED] college au MASTERLIST!!

join my taglist by sending an ask or commenting here <3

i. THE CLASS PREZ & THE NEW STUDENT

From the moment you entered the classroom as the new student, Gyuvin—class president and campus golden boy—was assigned to guide you around.

He approached you with his signature bright grin and confidence, extending a hand. “I’m Gyuvin, class president and your new best friend. You’re in good hands.”

He quickly learned you struggled a bit with your studies, but instead of judging, he offered to help you. “No worries. I’ve got you.”

Gyuvin loved tutoring you—mostly because it gave him a reason to spend time with you.

ii. HELPING YOU CHEAT

Gyuvin is so against cheating—seriously, he’s class president, he’s responsible! But… he’s also whipped for you.

During a particularly tough exam, you whisper that you’re doomed, and Gyuvin just sighs dramatically. “Don’t move, okay?”

He slides his answer sheet ever-so-subtly toward you under the pretense of stretching, whispering, “This never happened.”

After the exam, he scolds you gently: “I can’t believe I did that! You owe me for breaking my morals.” But then he softens and grins, ruffling your hair. “You’re lucky it was you.”

He’d never admit that seeing your relieved smile made it all worth it.

iii. THE PROJECT PAIRING

When the professor announces a paired project, Gyuvin immediately claims you as his partner, leaving no room for debate. “We’re a team—no questions asked.”

Working on the project together brings you closer. You spend late nights in the library, him explaining concepts and teasing you when you get distracted.

He’d always bring snacks—especially a strawberry milk bottle—because he “can’t have his baby starving.”

The first time he calls you baby, you roll your eyes and shove him playfully. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? You’re basically my baby at this point. I take care of you,” he jokes with that boyish grin.

iv. THE STRAWBERRY MILK HABIT

Gyuvin starts carrying a strawberry milk bottle everywhere, and his friends are utterly confused.

“Why do you always have that?”

“My baby might need it,” he says casually, ignoring the teasing looks.

Whenever you look tired or stressed, he wordlessly hands you the bottle with a small smile. “Drink up. It’s your favorite, right?”

Even before you started dating, it became a small tradition—his way of silently showing he cared.

v. HIS TERRIBLE “SECRET” CRUSH

Gyuvin genuinely thought he was being sneaky, but in reality, everyone (including you) figured it out long before he confessed.

His friends constantly teased him for how obvious it was—how his eyes lit up when you walked into a room, how he couldn’t stop talking about you, and how he always prioritized you over everything else.

“You’re so obvious, Gyuvin. Even she probably knows.”

“No way. I’m smooth,” he’d insist, completely unaware that you’d been catching on for weeks.

vi. WHEN YOU FOUND OUT

You finally caught on one day when you overheard Gyuvin’s friends teasing him about how whipped he was for you.

“Bro, you’re carrying two strawberry milks now? Are you building a shrine for her?”

Gyuvin groaned, blushing. “I just want her to be happy, okay? Shut up.”

You cornered him later, smirking. “So… whipped, huh?”

Gyuvin froze, completely flustered. “Who told you that?! I mean—uh—what?”

vii. THE STOLEN KISS

Before you could fully confront him about his feelings, Gyuvin decided to beat you to the punch.

It happened after one of your late project sessions. You were packing up your things when he suddenly leaned closer, grinning mischievously.

“You know,” he said softly, “it’s not really a secret crush if you already know, right?”

Before you could respond, he brushed his lips against your cheek—a soft, fleeting kiss that left you stunned.

He laughed at your reaction, standing up and stretching. “What? I had to make my move before you started teasing me for real.”

viii. THE CONFESSION & DATING

Gyuvin finally confessed properly a few days later. He showed up at your doorstep with a strawberry milk bottle in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

“Okay, fine. I like you—a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Will you let me call you ‘baby’ for real?”

You couldn’t say no, especially when he looked so hopeful. “Fine. But only if you keep bringing me strawberry milk.”

From then on, Gyuvin became the best boyfriend—teasing you constantly but always taking care of you in his own sweet way.

His friends groaned every time they saw you two together, calling you the “power couple” because of how smitten Gyuvin was.

ix. AFTER DATING GYUVIN

He never lets you forget how hard he worked for you. “Remember when I helped you cheat during that exam? That’s love, babe.”

He still calls you “baby,” but now it’s with even more affection.

And yes, he always—always—has a strawberry milk ready for you because, in his words: “I’ve been your class president, your tutor, your partner… but being your boyfriend is my favorite job.”

© fanbasetwo | tumblr

[s1llysmut]

Hello I’m not sure if your requests are open or not but can you do nsfw alphabet or headcanon for Carmilla or Velvette (I’m down bad for them)

A/N: Sorry for being so inactive guys!!! Been super busy with work sorry!!

NSFW alphabet for Carmilla

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Her eyes immediately go from lustful to full of love. She kisses your forehead and curls up with you to sleep. She’ll clean up in the morning.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her favourite body part on herself is her hands. They’re big and that can be used for many things. Her favourite part of your body is your waist and your muscles, depending on your body type. (She loves all body types)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She won’t let herself get too dirty which is why she will never allow you to cum on her body. She just finds it gross.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She would be into stepping on you while she’s in her pointy shoes.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

She always knows what she’s doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Riding you or missionary.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Serious the entire time until you’re both finished.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She doesn’t shave. She’s all natural everywhere.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It depends on her mood, the occasion, and your mood of course.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She doesn’t masturbate ever. She only does it if she’s in front of you to tease you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh she’s a dommy mommy. This lady is tying you up, blood play, knife play, degradation, bdsm, sadism, and if you’re lucky you might get a bit of praise.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your bedroom or the sex dungeon that she has.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

If you get bratty or catch an attitude she is putting you in your place ASAP.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She won’t let you top/dominate her. Ever. It just makes her feel incredibly weak, insecure, and uncomfortable.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She likes making you eat her out. She will tug you by a leash even.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends what will torture you more.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She doesn’t do quickies. She finds them impractical and inconvenient.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes. She will take risks of all sorts. Unless it involves her losing control/power, or puts you in any real danger.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

She can go for so many rounds. Soooo good luck you’ll need it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She will use toys on you. Anything that you show interest in, she will buy it immediately.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Very unfair. Edging you is one of her favourite things ever.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She moans and degrades you a lot. Occasionally she will praise you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She makes you call her mommy or mistress in the bedroom.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She’s got some massive honkers. Mommy milkers if you will. Fat ass too. She a thick lady.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Fairly high. Probably every other day.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Almost immediately. As soon as you’re in her arms.

[skyfallscotland]

In a recent answer you mentioned clearing your inbox of comments before you post something new. I’m wondering if you would share your system for responding to comments. I love receiving comments and responding to them but I don’t have a good system so my responses sometimes come months after I received the comment!

Sure! There's not a whole lot to it though. Basically, I'm very lucky to get the amount of comments that I do, and I can't fathom the thought of letting it go to over 100 comments in my inbox (numbers, it's an OCD thing, probably) because that would feel even more overwhelming, so that's like my hard limit. Basically when it's getting up there, I know I have to reply to some.

Generally, because of this, I have to reply to comments on one chapter or work before I post anything else. I just feel like dread that I'll post something and then everything will be disorganised, so I force myself to answer them and in doing so, it usually means most of my inbox is from one specific work at a time.

So for What Happens in Vegas chapter nine for example, I literally go to chapter nine in a browser window and reply from there, because I think it's easier that way without the little pop-up box AO3 gives you in the inbox (and faster). I also never had the comment limit much, I don't know if they got rid of that for everyone? But I don't have it, so I can do a lot at once.

I also have a string of emojis saved in my drafts (🖤🤭🥹🥰😂😭👀😌💗) so I can ctrl+v and backspace to get the one I want, rather than opening the emoji keyboard every time I want one—I think that makes it faster.

And then I'll go back to the inbox and scoop up the few that weren't from the most recent chapter or whatever it was that I posted 😌

Really, I don't think it's that I have a great system or anything, I think it's just the OCD (if you start a task you have to finish it) and the looming existential dread about not doing the task that gets the task started and then it's fine once we're goin'. I love receiving the comments and the least I can do is reply to them. I have a good yarn with a lot of people in them haha 💗

I find I procrastinate a lot more about writing comments on works than actually replying to my own. I never quite know what to say (which is ironic for someone who's hobby is quite literally finding the right words to describe things) 🤭

[chaoortu]

ASDFGHJKNHFHJB you don’t understand how much i was looking forward for you to see this update!!!!!!

it was seriously so much fun to read your past analyses and basically prophecies, with already knowing what was to come. but it was also sooooooo hard not to say anything in the comments asghjfjgffh

i’m so happy that sarah finally decided to talk to nick, especially about his dad. because i don’t think nick would have made these connections/had those realisations on his own for a very long time, understandably so. even though i don’t love everything she said, the whole "…what you two have is very rare. do you know that? no, you probably don’t know because you’ve never…you haven’t known what relationships can be like, you’ve only known this…you’re lucky" part. it sounds a bit 'blamy'? to me? but that’s probably just me being overprotective over nick asgshsjk i get what she was trying to say tho.

i also can’t wait for you to see the updates for august 1st and 11th 👀

sometimes it’s really a blessing and a curse to be on patreon, because we’re already 5-6? updates ahead of the web release and can’t say anything absgdgdjjsdh

no bc i always wonder what the peoople who have the patreon think when they see my talking my shit again like... am i even half accurate sometimes? i have no fucking idea until the actual chapters come out. i am genuinely stunned every time i guess even a minor detail. also it's incredibly warm to know that there's someone out there who was excited for me to see this update dhefjklrngh im gonna be working on my big boy analysis shortly but -- yeah! I think we're seeing the pitfalls of Sarah's permissive parenting style compared to Jane's authoritarian one. I don't think it's blamey so much as like... why would Nick know that what he has is rare? Part of why he got so yappy when he was drunk and Tao and Elle were fighting is bc his rare relationship + trauma from seeing his parents divorce are the only points of reference he has. I do think she blames herself a bit for not telling Nick sooner that his dad wasn't good and possibly she's seeing for the first time how much her divorce impacted her kids. Smthn that always sticks out to me is that Sarah's been making it work as a single mom for over a decade, has a house, her boys are in sports, and she has dogs and can afford it all-- so she must have some sort of career that I imagine takes up a good bit of her time to a certain extent. I think the general consensus from fandom is that she's a doctor but I can't peg down the source for that, it makes sense though! also yeah there was no way in hell nick was going to connect the two, hence why he was like: DAMN WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT DAD RN ??? confused and then having that big realization kinda spoonfed too him, bless nick. god i am crossing my fucking fingers prepare for these predictions 1) tao and elle break up (don't hate me, i just don't think it's realistic for all the secondary school couples to stay together) possibly they make up idk. 2) SOMETHING WITH DAVID???? PELASE ALICE IM ON MY KNEES AS OLDER SIBLING WITH ISSUES CAN MY MAN PLEASE GET A PANEL. (can you tell i have a thing for toxic blonde characters yet...) 3) i am v hopeful for the narlie communication chat and i am on my knees again hoping to see a moment where charlie babies nick a little bit, just. takes care of him maybe in a frisky way but also just in that "id love u even if u were a worm way. id put you in the best soil." kind of way u know what i mean

[garricks4thwingqueen]

Liam Week 2025 Day 4 Hands; Your favorite hands to feel

@empyreanevents

Liam Week 2025 day 4 Hands.

Synopsis: Your Xaden’s younger sister and have been in a long term relationship with Liam Mairi ever since shortly after you were fostered together with Xaden. It was just after threshing in your first year and you both had bonded to your dragons. Your older friends decided it would be fun to sneak some of you out to Chantara for the weekend to celebrate; albeit you were hesitant as first years weren’t allowed to go but Liam promises to make it up to you in a handsy way. 

Word Count: 1275

Trigger Warnings: NSFW!!!,  Finger fucking, Fingers in V!, Finger play in a public bathroom.

                                                                    Y/N POV 

  “I don't know.” You said sitting with your squad which was the second squad flame section with the expectation of Liam who usually sat with you for meals instead of his own squad which you had assumed Garrick only allowed because you and Liam had basically been inseparable since you started dating several years ago. Your brother had glared at you again for saying I don't know for the fifth time. “Oh come on Y/N no one will notice. I’ll sneak you guys out with my shadows.” “I don’t know, it still sounds risky. You guys go and I’ll stay back-.” 

 “Oh hell no you don’t I’m not letting one of my best friends not sneak out.” Imogen said to you now also glaring at you as Liam leaned into your ear to whisper something; ‘Come baby I’ll make it up to you. I don't want to go without you.” He whispered quietly while moving his fingers up and down your thigh and you knew instantly what “make it up to you meant”. “Especially if you wear that leather skirt.” He whispered again as his finger found its way under your waist band as your breath hitched as you felt Liam’s fingers toy with your waistband of your under. An unspoken promise of what was to come if you said yes and you more than anyone knew that Liam expelled finger use in more than just sparring and carving. “Fineeee.” You huffed as it was followed by a bunch of cheers from your squad and Liam; “Guys! Hush!” You said frantically looking around worried that someone may have overheard. “Oh Y/N relax a little. I'm a wingleader, remember?” Xaden chuckled.  You rolled your eyes somewhat irritated at your brother. 

                                  Two days and Several Hours Later 

   “There!” Imogen said, clapping her hands as she finished braiding your hair in a traditional Tyrish braid with the ends of your hair freshly dyed purple. “You are  absolutely gorgeous, Y/N. Liam is so lucky.” Quinn said stating her approval of Imogen’s work. “I still don’t know about this.” You said standing up and running your hands down your skirt acting like you're flattening trying to add your nervous habit of fidgeting with your hands. 

   A half hour later you had all finally met up at the meeting place just outside of the courtyard of Basgiath. You felt a glaring stare from your brother as he did a once over sure enough nonverbally disapproving of your outfit that contained high heels, a just barely knee length skirt if you could even call it knee length and a light purple crop top with a black cardigan. You stuck your tongue out at your brother as you felt Liam’s strong arm wrap around your waist; “Beautiful my love.” He whispered in your ear. “Thanks baby, but I still don’t know about this.” You said finding your fingers starting to fidget again as you didn’t know what to do with them as you started walking with the group Xaden’s shadow’s encircling you, Liam, Rhiannon, Violet, Sawyer and Ridoc as promised.  

      An hour later you found yourself sitting at one of the corner tables at a bar in Chantra that Garrick and Xaden had frequented regularly and deemed no one would bat an eye at a bunch of first years. You were sipping your alcoholic lavender lemonade as you were chatting with your girls. “Mind if I steal my girl?” Liam asked, slinking his arm over your shoulder. “Go right ahead.” Imogen smirked at you in an all-knowing glance towards you as you mouthed “Shut up.” at her. 

  “So so beautiful.” Liam whispered against your neck as he started peppering kisses up and down your shoulders as his hands started to roam your body after he had lifted you up onto the bathroom countertop. “Now let’s see if you listened to my directions.” Li you whimpered as you felt his hand travel up your thigh and on your clit where your underwear should have been. “Good girl.” Liam said in his roughed voice that you got to know he used when he was turned on. “So wet for me already, princess.” He said using his forefinger to rub up and down your clit. 

   You loved Liam’s fingers in fact sometimes you were ashamed of how many times you could come on just his fingers alone, but you would never tell him that; it would float to his ego so much you were worried he’d stop using his dick and just finger fuck you for the rest of your lives. Not to lie you wouldn’t mind that, but you couldn’t get pregnant by his fingers that was only doable by his gloriously sized dick. “Li.” You whimpered as he started lightly tapping and pressing against your clit as you bucked your hips up at him, your legs finding their way around his waist. 

   “That’s it my princess. I told you Daddy would make it up to you didn't he?” He asked lightly, sucking on your neck as his fingers now abandoned your clit as you let out a whimper at the loss of contact. “SSh.” He said placing a callused finger over your lips “I’m not done baby girl. Spit on my fingers for me.” You nodded and did what Liam said as he often used your spit or his own as lube when he finger fucked you. “That’s it, my good girl.” He said as he slowly added one finger into your core and slowly added another as he curled them up and magically found your g spot every damned time. You arched your hips and let out a moan as he placed his other hand over your mouth to muffle your moans. 

   Liam had found just the right rhythm with his two fingers that you were almost close to release; “Liam baby I-” You whimpered out through your panting breaths as you felt your core start warm with that familiar feeling. “Need too, what baby girl?” “Come.” You breathed through staggered breaths as you felt his finger pressure increase inside your core. “Not yet hold it just a little longer yeah?” I nodded through another whimper as you felt a third callused finger enter inside of you. You bite the inside of your bottom lip as you moan to muffle your sounds as you come undone around Liam’s fingers as they curled up into you hitting your g-spot for a final time. 

   Liam pulled out his three fingers followed by a kiss and a slight lick to your clit before fully standing back up. “Always my good girl.” He said rubbing your thigh with the hand that wasn't covered with your juices. “I want you to taste how good you were for Daddy’s fingers.” Li rasped as he brought his fingers up to your lips as you licked and sucked your way around them.  “Good girl.” He breathed quietly resting his forehead against your shoulders. “I love how you come on my fingers for me.” He said softly, pulling you into a hug. 

 “Now let's save round two for later and get back to our friends before they get suspicious, yeah?” “Yeah.” You nodded as you let him help you off the countertop with his arm wrapping around your waist again. “Li.” you said softly. “Yeah princess?” “I love you so much.” “I love you too, baby girl always.” He said placing another kiss on your forehead as you both rejoined your friends as you took another sip of your drink trying to act casual like Liam didn't just blissly finger fuck you in the bathroom.

[depressopax]

Hiii I saw ur brbcs masterlist and I was thinking on if you could tackle on Howard Hamlin if so, can I request on a cuddling scenario with him? It can be both sfw or nsfw (I’m ok with all of them ^^)

HII thank you sm for your request! I decided to do relationship headcanons too! Hope that works too!(Might be a bit OOC, I’m yet to figure out his character in the show lol 😭) Enjoyyyy <3

Howard Hamlin relationship headcanons

Fandom - Better call Saul

Howard x gn!reader || HC'S

Pairing: Howard Hamlin x gender neutral reader Genre: Fluff, smut, headcanons Warning(s): Sexual content further down (titled NSFW), MDNI! Cuss words, a bit of possessiveness. Reader is gender neutral!  Words: 1.4K Summary: Dating Howard Hamlin would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request ||

SFW

First of all… I feel like Howard is a cheesy mf lol

He saw you for the first time when out for lunch between meetings with clients.

It took a couple seconds of eye-contact and he immediately fell in love. 

Absolutely dumbfounded by your beauty, he watches you walk to the entrance of the restaurant

He can’t stand the thought of you slipping through his fingers.

Barely knowing what to say or do, he leaves the table (whilst his co-workers staring at him like he was crazy lmao)

When you look at him in confusion, he gives you a sheepish grin, trying to gather his thoughts.

He introduces himself, maybe tells you some damn cheesy pick-up line 

Lucky thing for him you find it adorable lmao

He successfully charms you.

Howard then walks back to his co-workers with a stupid grin and a note with your phone number on it.

He’s the person to take you out on fancy restaurant dates (his treat ofc)

Howard spends days before the date - He’s a perfectionist.

First date goes beyond expectations and he starts planning for a second date shortly after.

After a few dates and getting to know each other, Howard’s feelings for you grow stronger.

Luckily so do your feelings for him.

He becomes your boyfriend officially a while after that. 

He’s the first one to say “I love you”, which he’s known since the first date.

His work takes up a lot of his spare-time.

Before meeting you, he didn’t care.

He’s a workaholic and working overtime was his way to escape the void of loneliness. 

Basically the man that says: “I’m married to my job”

But with you in the picture, he spends less time in the office, and more time with you.

He tries finding a good balance between work and love.

…But eventually he realizes that you are so much more important to him than work.

You make him feel things he hasn’t felt in a very long time.

Seriously, you’ll have to force him to focus on work sometimes or else he’ll totally forget about it lol

As for cuddling…

He  L O V E S  it

After long days of work, when watching movies, when sleeping, at restaurants… 

Basically - Anywhere, any time.

If you have long hair, he twirls his fingers through your hair or simply just brushes strands of hair from your face.

I feel like he gives the best hugs too 

If he’s taller than you he likes to hold against his chest and then rest his chin on your head.

Having you in his lap as he wraps his arms around you and holds you close.

It’s his way to relax after a long day at work

When cuddling in bed - Howard likes being the big spoon. 

He likes to think he’s protecting you from nightmares and the dangers of the world when holding you - his body being the shield.

Another favorite cuddling position being his head against your chest - the sound of your heartbeat makes him feel calm

He’s a good listener. And also good at reading people, especially you.

He knows if something is wrong and has learnt how to get you to talk without being to pushy about it

Communication is key to him. The worst thing to him is when you shut him out - he wants to be your rock. 

Same thing goes for him. When he’s having trouble at work, you’re the first one he goes to for support. 

He has a lot of anger and anxiety pent up and you’re one of the few people he trusts enough to vent to.

Howard is VERY overprotective.

He hates it when other people look/hit on you.

He trusts you, but it makes him insecure that you’ll find “someone better” than him.

One of the reasons to why he loves PDA

Holds your hand in public without shame.

Same goes for hugs and kisses.

…Alright, maybe it’s because he likes to brag, too. 

He likes it when people see the two of you together. He wants them to envy what he has, that they never can get. *cough* especially around Jimmy *cough*

Like I said earlier… He is cheesy.

He likes buying you flowers and chocolate

Maybe even sending them to your office

He fantasizes about what your wedding will be like. 

If you want it too - he’d love to start a family with you one day. 

He wants to be a dad one day.

If you were to not want kids tho, he’d suggest getting a cat or dog instead lol

Random headcanon: He’s a cat-lover

To summarize: This workaholic to a man absolutely adores and loves you in all ways possible. Having you around makes him feel a bit more interesting and you never fail to make him feel loved and appreciated.

NSFW

As for the sex-life… 👀

Howard doesn’t have a preference when it comes to being dominant/submissive or top/bottom.

Very adaptable and keen to your preferences.

He doesn’t have that high of a sex drive - he honestly enjoys cuddling and sex equally (bonus points for combining the two)

He sucks at telling you he’s horny tho lmao

Not because he’s good at hiding it. 

You’ve learnt what the lust in his eyes means and knows when he’s in the mood. 

It doesn’t take much effort for him to get turned on either lmao

Just you doing the most simple things is enough for him to get turned on tbh.

He’s pretty vanilla tbh. 

Prefers the classic ol’ positions

Doggy, 69, missionary, cowgirl… You name it

He likes trying new things but also wants to keep it simple.

I feel like he lowkey is a service top 👀

He likes being on top, but merely to focus on your pleasure. 

Your pleasure goes before his own - but honestly? He gets turned on by being able to satisfy you

The type of person to come undone from making you orgasm tbh

Howards wants you to push him around a bit - telling what to do and how to do it. 

And he’s a quick learner ;)

He’s good at foreplay and knows which buttons to push to drive you wild. 

He can and will spend hours exploring your body with his fingers and lips

Make sure to let him know you enjoy what he’s doing tho.

He has a praise kink. 

Sure, hearing your moans and making you cum is rewarding enough, but if you praise him too?

Homeboy will be a flustered mess - and it raises his confidence too.

When it comes to oral pleasure, he prefers giving.

There’s something about being on his knees for you, or laying down with his head between your thighs that excites him. 

He feels in control when he goes down on you. He can grip you however he wants, tease you for hours and have you completely at his mercy.

If you move and squirm too much, he can easily hold you to his liking.

He becomes more of a dom when he performs oral sex. 

Not that you can complain, you’ll be too busy screaming his name as he absolutely destroys you (in a good way dw)

He'll tease you about it afterwards too and not be shy to remind you of how good he made you feel. 

Turns into a smug mf after sex

When it comes to receiving head?

It’s one of his favorite things.

It’s satisfying to just lean back and have you take care of his needs. 

Sorry but def a head-pusher 

…And very sorry and ashamed about if afterwards 😭

Besides that, he trusts you fully and is not picky about how you use your mouth to satisfy him. 

As long as it feels good AND he can see your pretty face he’ll love it.

He prefers slow and passionate sex.

That’s why he wants to do it in the bedroom.

Only exception is doing it on the couch or maybe shower if he’s horny enough. 

That AND his office for a quickie.

But sometimes, after a long day at work or when frustrated about something, he likes rough sex.

One of the best therapies is thrusting into you with power ;)

Aftercare KING

He makes sure you’re ok and not hurt.

This is also where his bad confidence/insecurities shine through.

“Was it good for you?”, “Did I satisfy you?”

He helps you clean up afterwards and brings you something to drink etc.

Also likes massaging you and bringing you comfort.

He cuddles up to you afterwards, holding you close to him whilst whispering his love and devotion for you. 

He falls asleep soon afterwards, but only when he’s sure you’re ok and about to fall asleep too.

Me: Hmmm idk about Howard... This will prob be a short fic! 1.4k words later: Ohh shiii- Also had to fight the urge to spell his name "Hamling" instead because apparently that's what my brain thinks his name is?? 💀

[writingsoftarnishedsilver]

Happy Valentine’s Day! 💛

Just wanted to say you inspired me! I love how your MCs are typically mid- or plus-sized because it’s rarely seen in the fandom. As someone who’s kind of in between, it’s refreshing to have representation in characters who look more like me. I’ve been rewriting my long fic and made the decision to make my OC more of a short, mid-sized gal who’s quite self-conscious of her large chest size. I basically gave her my personal gripes/worries about my appearance (write what you know, right?). I want people to be able to see themselves in fiction and figured that this was the perfect time to start. 💛

Anyways, just thought I would share because Evangeline and Chouette were the catalysts for the change. It seems like something you’re really passionate about.

I hope you have a lovely V-Day! 😘

Hello friend!!! Thank so much for this absolutely lovely message, you are too kind 😭❤️ I’m truly just so endlessly flattered and humbled that you have enjoyed my work and I’m just so lucky to have a fandom friend like you!

I’m also just completely at a loss for words that I’ve inspired you to re-characterize your OC (like omg?! I’m just… literally I have no words my heart is just so full)

I am so passionate about representing more diverse body types in romance and the fact that it has inspired you to do the same is just… I really can’t even tell you how much that means to me. I also think it’s a really beautiful thing to be able to represent your own experiences and feelings through art, and I can’t wait to read your work ❤️

I hope you had an absolutely amazing Valentine’s Day, whether it was a quiet night in or a fancy dinner or something in between, I hope you had the BEST time because you deserve it!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[balanceoflightanddark]

I just started reading “the monsters we create” and have been loving it so far. I’ve binge read to chapter 15 after the fallout of the Godzilla v Roman fight. Which was epic to read.

I also read the voices Azula is hearing are not quite hallucinations after all. Which is interesting. I wonder if Mothra will help heal Azula of this… entity? Also I would contend that the voice is wrong about this part “if even you regain your former strength, you don’t stand a chance against the Avatar’s cronies”. I would posit that if Azula regained her strength and even exceeded it like she did in the comics (which is about the only good thing about those miserable works) she would kick the Gaangs ass (sans Aang of course) in any one v one fight. And if it ever comes to a fight between them in the Future, I’m eagerly looking forward to Azula proving that voice/enrity wrong!

I also wanted to ask about the concept of luck and fortune. Since Azula and the voice/entity’s conversation mainly was concerned about her supposedly “being born’ lucky”. In your story, what does Azula believe about the concept of fate? Of destiny? Does she accept the notion, reject it? How does her opinion of Iroh, of Ozai, and of Zuko influence her views on the concept of destiny? Especially when all three espoused its nature.

Looking forward to the next update! (once I get up to that part in my read😀)

Hey! Thanks for the ask! I would've gotten to it sooner, but school was a mess this course. Hopefully, I can clear some of these asks out.

Anyways, the Voices. No, they're not just hallucinations. They're an entity who are going to be the ultimate evil in the series. There has been a common consensus on what they are. And while I can't exactly confirm them right away since that would absolutely ruin all the build-up, I can confirm they're going to be a nightmarish threat. Plus, I want people to really HATE the Voices. Not right now since we're so early in the trilogy. But as we get further, they're going to get worse, more malevolent, and more detestable. I didn't want a situation where some underling is more hated than the big villain (remember how more people hated Umbridge than Voldemort or hated Azula more than Ozai?). I want to avoid that here and give this thing the dread and vitriol they richly deserve.

I can also hint that the Voices do, in some way, have some connection to Azula's blue fire. Her fire here is one of the lynchpins of the whole story. After all, she and Godzilla share it. Thus this means her fire is a lot more than just a sign she's a better firebender than most. And she is going to get stronger. I'm trying not to give her the Mary Sue treatment by making her overpowered, but definitely strong enough to give the heroes pause. Which they ARE going to find out the hard way in a few chapters. Not the Gaang, but it's not going to be pretty.

Now as for luck. One of the things I wanted to tackle was the myth of Azula "being born lucky". She wasn't. Canon proves that both in the show and in the comics (if you consider them canon). I wanted to deconstruct that along with a LOT of misconceptions about Azula. It's something that I've touched on with Toph's storyline in this fic as well. As for fate, I AM planning on having a conversation in the next chapter touching on that. Azula does believe in fate, and there have been a few allusions to that. Basically, Azula and Godzilla are foils. Being seen as monsters, wielding blue fire, having their actions shaped wholesale by the war, etc. Now Zuko's introductory arc is that of him trying to be a monster slayer given that he "defeated" Azula. I drew parallels to Sozin claiming to have "conquered" Godzilla, as well as the dragon and mosasaur hunts mentioned in the first hunt. In his eye, his "destiny" was to defeat monsters like Azula and Godzilla. Guess how well the latter panned out for him.

So yes. Azula does believe in fate which I'm going to get into, but it's a lot different than Zuko or Iroh's. She sees herself as a monster, nobody has proven her wrong, and monsters like her tend to get slain in the Fire Nation. It's only gotten worse. But I don't want to get into that. Just know that I also want to deconstruct the concept of destiny in ATLA and build it back up to something that speaks a lot truer to what the core themes of the series say. Mainly that people should strive to be better and write their own fate. You can blame BIONICLE for my idea of what destiny should be.

Thanks again for the ask! I got a good portion into the next chapter and I hope to get more done this week. Should be easier without school breathing down my neck. Feel free to ask more if you want.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #320

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

Experiment in progress. Refer to case logs.

“Frankly,” Celeste argued, “I think you’re just being paranoid.”

“I swear that creep was staring at you,” I said, talking to her in my bedroom. Anyone watching would have seen me talking to myself… or so I’d previously thought.

“Listen, Trevor, there’s no way anyone else can see me. You aren’t even supposed to see me. Look at me, what am I doing right now?”

“You’re standing there, holding up two fingers.”

“Ah ha! But you see, I’m actually sitting down and holding up two fingers!” She paused for a moment and looked at her hand, perplexed. “The two fingers part was a lucky guess.”

I crossed my arms. “If I can hear you, what’s so weird about being able to see you?”

“Uh…” She seemed to have an answer, but not one she was prepared to give. “Yeah,  guess you have a point. Still… don’t you think you should get ready for bed? It’s nearly 10:30 AM. You made it.”

“Nah, I’m too worried to sleep now. Dad’s going homeless, I have to learn a monologue for the audition, and I still haven’t asked out Serenity for Homecoming. It just keeps piling up…”

“You’ll never be able to handle any of these problems if you don’t get some rest.”

“I need a solution for at least one of these things first.”

“Well… your dad told you to talk to that Greg guy, right?”

“That’ll never work.” I scoffed. “He’s just trying to make me more confident talking to people.”

Celeste raised an eyebrow. “Really? He sounded convinced.”

“When I was little, he used to send me to the line at fast food places so I could order for both of us. He even made me ask the cashiers for extra napkins despite there being dispensers next to the soda fountains.”

“Sounds like he’s just lazy and impatient to me.”

“Regardless, I need to come up with something better than that.”

“Uh-huh. How about we try that next problem, that sounds more approachable.”

“I don’t know, Celeste. I looked it up and auditions are tomorrow after school. How am I supposed to memorize a whole monologue in a day?”

“Hmmm…” She smirked. “Let’s try something.” She pulled a piece of paper from thin air and scribbled on it, then held it up to me. “Read this.”

I had to squint a little at her sloppy handwriting, but I managed. “It says… ‘egg says what’. What does that mean?”

She giggled. “Nothing at all. But that’s really neat, Trevor. You can actually sort of see me… not that I have any idea how. But the odds of this being a sleep-deprived hallucination are near zero.”

“So?”

“So, I’ll just hold the script in front of you while you perform. Nobody else has to know.”

My face lit up. “Genius! You’re a genius!”

“Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind.”

“What about Serenity?”

“Is that really important right now?”

“Yes, of course! It’s eating me up inside.”

“I say just follow your Pops’ advice. Ask her in the morning.”

I yawned, but shook my head to stay awake. “What do I say, though?”

Celeste rolled her eyes. “‘Hey Serenity, I was wondering, do you want to go to Homecoming with me?’”

“Doesn’t that feel kinda basic?”

“Listen, Trevor, if you’re gonna write her a love poem or something, maybe wait until you know she’s interested. Mmmkay?”

I woozily laid my head down on my pillow. “Yeah… yeah…” My eyelids were so heavy, weighed down by twenty-four hours awake. I thought I might just sleep through to Monday.

~

I see a paper in front of me, a research paper. Or a math paper? A proof? I’m not sure. All I know for sure is the title: Neural Quantum Entanglement and Nonlinear Time. The rest of the words are too fuzzy to read, yet I know what they say implicitly as though I’ve typed them out myself.

I look up. There’s a crowd in front of me, and I stand behind a podium. Naked, of course. Dreams of this sort are always like this. The breeze of the climate control runs down my back. This is a lecture hall, though I’ve never been inside one.

“Good morning,” I say with someone else’s voice. “Thank you for coming. I imagine you’re all very skeptical, so I’m happy to answer any questions…”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! See you again tomorrow.

[vacantgodling]

i have. an oc question. my brain is a bit of a pile of mush right now so i'm gonna leave this as an open question, but for whichever oc ship you have on the brain most right now, i'd love to hear about how they express affection for each other. which one is more open about their affection? which one is perhaps more reserved? do they have any specific ways of showing affection to each other?

you 🤝 me brain being mush

honestly i’ve had lath & ensio on the brain for a bit so i’ll do this about them—HOWEVER—i do want to preface that the two of them aren’t really a “traditional” romantic relationship as how we think of it. tl;dr there’s a long explanation of how love and relationships work in terrae — it’s split into 3 categories: bonds-kinship-pleasure. lath and ensio have a Bond which is essentially the all encompassing spectrum between friendship/romance, and is actually separate from sex (pleasure) or like traditional friendship/marriage etc as we think of it. bonds and all kinds of relationships do overlap (pleasure is a common one but it is wholly separate).

ALL OF THIS TO SAY lath and ensio aren’t romantic in a traditional sense but they are Absolutely bonded—to the point that when lath was made immortal, ensio was made immortal with him to be the literal sword he wields (though he does have a human form he can become). basically. do not separate. tm.

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:

EXPRESSING AFFECTION->

the two of them are extremely teasing towards one another and have friendly ribs and goes at each other all the time. one of lath’s favorite things to tease ensio about is the “sorry” state of his beard (it’s not sorry at all; it’s very well taken care of and usually has braids and beads in it) and how it drives away potential sexual partners (ensio loves to pretend he’s more into pleasure than he actually is. he likes to deflect his real feelings by being like ah what i wouldn’t give to have my face buried in some tits rn and like honestly same. BUT he will always choose lath over anything like that bc. do not separate lmao). meanwhile, en’s favorite insult is regarding how lath hardly blinks (he literally doesn’t. he is seriously 👁️👁️ at all times LMAOOOO. lath does also generally forget to blink it’s wild. he is v much an eagle boy and his guardian wings don’t help). however at the same time, because they also have a kinship relationship (tldr lath’s parents died when he was extremely young and ensio/his family took him in) they also take care of each other as a form of affection. doing things for each other, protecting each other (physically especially; they’re both eventually scouts for the king and apart of the king’s guard before argos fell) but also just existing in the same space. the two of them don’t really have to use words with each other that’s how close they are.

i also have a few quotes to provide u of their relationship tm:

“I don’t see what you’re saving me from then.” Lath said, flatly but not unkindly. “Unless you mean boredom. If that’s the case, see yourself back down and fetch me a jester.”

“Oh ha ha.” Ensio rolled his eyes.

-

Ensio was quick to jump up, taking both the spoon and the jar of stew away from him.

“Stars and hills, Lath, be fucking careful!” He hissed, but the irritation in his voice was sharp contrast to way his hands gently came up to cup Lath’s cheeks.

-

(after kissing lath to help his burning lips)

“Must you always be so difficult?” Ensio murmured, but his voice was low in the back of his throat, low like the way his eyes were almost partially lidded. Lath stared at him, as he was prone to, until Ensio complained and Lath let out a bark of a laughter.

“I’m difficult because it’s you.” He declared.

“Lucky me.” Ensio groaned. He sat himself back in the chair, holding open one arm. “Get over here before you catch a cold.” 

-

“Don’t let it go to your head.” Lath said evenly. “Your beard is still awful.”

“And when’s the last time you blinked this week, owlet?” Lath thought a moment. “If you have to think then that’s the issue!”

-

(in talking about how they never really had sex before they’re about to uhhhh DIE lmao)

“It’s not as though either of us would ever know.” Ensio mused, but not unkindly. “Your horrible habit of unblinking deterred so many.”

“Yet your horrible beard drove off more.” Lath quipped back and the rumble of a chuckle that left Ensio, even as he continued to bleed, made a quirk of a smirk tug at Lath’s lips. 

“I would offer to let you experience it on my own chest, as a parting gift,” Ensio started. “But I’m afraid this armor is too hard to remove one handed.”

(that excerpt is actually really bittersweet but y’all get the picture lemme chill)

-

(after they’re finally reunited after death and lath is a guardian)

After a long moment, Lath pushed back. “It would be too much luck to have you taken off my hands for good.” He said finally and he cackled when Ensio snorted and grabbed him in a headlock, the two of them devolving into wrestling, just like old friends do.

OPENNESS ->

ensio is 100% more open about expressing affection. he’s the initiator in most things; bringing lath soup, kissing his lips to stop them from burning, intimating hugs or friendly arm-over-shoulders. it more has to do with being well adjusted, growing up with his family and many siblings. though lath grew up around them, he’s always been standoffish — which is funny when i think about how his legend has morphed in later terranean history; because basically it merged ensio and lath’s personalities (lath: uncompromising, fierce warrior + ensio: charming and honorable). so it’s really funny when people actually MEET lath in book two and find oh wait he’s weird as shit. it’s not that lath isn’t open about caring for ensio, he’s the most open with ensio IN GENERAL, but when it comes to initiating affection that’s all en lol.

i think in a weird winded way i also answered your other questions but it’s always a good day to talk about lath and ensio they make me INSANE.

[hiddenthoughtsofawanderer]

Jack and I have been starting most mornings together, making our lattes and hanging out on the couch while music plays in the background. If we have enough time we water the yards.

Do you know how lucky I am to live in a house? With a front and a backyard? I spent the bulk of my life living in apartments and multi-family spaces. Having actual yards not just a balcony or small porch space is like, I just never realized how much I took it for granted. I stopped living in houses by June of 2008, back when Dad lost the house after Mum moved out. The recession hit Dad’s business hard, and he couldn’t pay rent, take care of us, and his business all at the same time. He started getting mean shortly after Mum left and they started the separation to divorce process. I barely remember life before I watched her leave, I’ll get snippets of what life used to be like, blips of memories, like posing for lighting strikes because “that’s the flash on God’s camera! Smile!” or Cassie’s birthday at the Mission Viejo lake. I remember birthdays the most I think, and holidays, any time Mum was allowed to deck out the house and make things joyous. I didn’t realize we were lower middle class, I didn’t know how much help we received on the side because my mom was much like myself, smiling, full of joy and love, and folks always showed up for us when we couldn’t get Christmas presents or new clothes. Anonymously dropping off things or just showing up with things to help us along. I didn’t know while I was running about in the v gutters and hills of Laguna Niguel, my mom was crying to her friends as they all expressed dissatisfaction in their marriages. I didn’t know our trips up to Big Bear to visit the Pfeifers or when Pattie took Mum, us, and her kids to Palm Desert, were ways to help us enjoy our childhoods even with the trauma the moms were all experiencing. My mom did really try to give us a magical childhood, somewhere safe for as long as she could. But by February 6th, 2005 she had to save herself, and walked out the front door with a suitcase in hand with my aunt and cousin. She lived in studio apartments or with friends after the separation, she still picked D and I up from school, sometimes we’d go back to her job at Starbucks in RSM while she finished her shift. She wasn’t totally gone but we weren’t safe anymore. My dad’s business never made quite enough to support us without causing him strain. My life has been move after move, lack of stability and guidance, and making things work with the bare minimum.

But 20 years after she left, here I am, with a man who loves me and wants a future with me despite all I’ve been through and I have to learn still. We’ve been living in our current house since December 26th, 2022 and we’re not moving until we buy our own house. So I finally have a space that’s stable, that’s safe. That’s filled with life like our many plants, or when we create fun meals, or times spent dancing in the living room. I have this life where don’t need to be afraid of the change ahead because it’s not because of literal fires or flood, it’ll be our choice. I’m not in this alone.

I could’ve never imagined my life being what it is. To have a beautiful garden, and two amazing dogs who are basically our children. To have someone like Jack, who’s not perfect but is always willing to show up for me. He’s willing to work through the issues that arise, to digest and understand how we’ve miscommunicated together so we’re better equipped to actually be understood, to try his best to meet my needs and not make an excuse for when he falls short. We help each other become our best selves, we listen, we communicate, we show up even when it’s hard. I never had someone model to me the way he loves me; my family and the folks I grew up with all dealt with familial traumas, none of us understood how to show up in our relationships. I still have memories of the abuse I grew up experiencing and witnessing, but I’m not hiding anymore. I am loved and accepted for who I am. I don’t need to live in fear that we’ll be evicted for some bullshit reason, or that I’m living with men who punch holes in the walls or have voices that grow into violent screams of anger and disgust.

I actually for once have a space I feel safe enough to call it my home. I have love and support from so many people surrounding me, believing in me, showing me the love I’ve always believed was there but was just out of reach. I’m flooded with love now, I have an abundance of support, and I’m growing into my best self, to be a good partner to my husband and be someone my friends can trust and rely on when needed.

Regardless of what I thought my life would look like at this point, this is more fulfilling and I actually have a sense of self to move through the ebbs and flows of life. I know my negative thoughts sometimes get so loud that it’s hard to reaffirm that I have a life I love and am happy with. But even with that voice nagging away in my mind, I still keep trying to do my absolute best. I will always show up, “spirit of a fighter, heart of a survivor”, that’s my motto. Well that and “rivers help me heal, mountains help me grow”. I digress, I just feel really nice right now, I’m feeling so grateful for this life. I think maybe that little voice that whispered “be patient, wait” all these years had been my future self cheering me on because I do make it. Like it was a gift for me to hold onto during hard times, that although it is challenging you’re never alone in making it work. You have so much love and support, you’re never alone. And I love you. Life is going to all work out as it should.

[lilmackiereads]

A TAXONOMY OF LOVE (2018) BY RACHAEL ALLEN - SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

For the review WITHOUT SPOILERS, click here. To continue WITH spoilers, begin reading after the cover photo.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I am actually surprised with myself for giving this such a high rating as I am easily very bored with the teen romance novels. Of the few YA romance that I have read in the last year this has been my favorite which was a total surprise! I actually almost gave up reading it in the first 50 or so pages because I found the initial few chapters from Spence’s point of view unrealistic. For some reason I just didn’t feel like the dialogue and thought processes going on in this 13-year-old boy’s head felt accurate to the tween boys I’ve known growing up. There wasn’t enough swearing or boyish grossness. For instance, I feel like he needed a bit of a sprinkle of yucky (belching/ nose-picking/ farting/ name-calling) like the boys in Stephen King’s “The Body” aka Stand by Me (1986), The Sandlot (1993) or Stranger Things (2016) because many boys at this age are generally just pretty gross and obnoxious in my experience. (I grew up tween to teen between 2008-2018 and babysat lots of kids and now I work with middle school and high schoolers…)

HOWEVER, I think Allen did nail Spence’s dorkiness, which is why I ultimately kept reading because he is pretty adorable and his taxonomies are pretty funny.

Unlike John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012 and Turtles All the Way Down, 2017) and Becky Albertalli (Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda, 2015) who are two of the best teen writers that can accurately display the minds of the opposite sex in my opinion, I feel like Allen struggles a bit with writing Spence’s point-of-view. I found Hope’s p-o-v more realistic (and relatable) as a female, but I think that Spence became more realistic as the book progressed from age 13 to 19. Especially once he hit puberty, I think the romantic stakes and thoughts were more accurate to a teenage boy. Haha. But what do I know? I’ve never been a teenage boy.

Hope reminded me a lot of myself because I’m generally happy-go-lucky, but I had a major emo-phase in high school that really warped my attitude at the time (and admittedly comes out to play occasionally as an adult.) I wish we had more chapters from her perspective. I was bummed out when her sister died. It's hard to lose someone so close to you, especially when they're so young. The only thing I didn't like about Hope was her last name, Birdsong. I think it was just a little too on-the-nose. If we're really going for the "girl next door" she could have just had a basic last name like Smith or Miller.

I really liked all the little parties the characters through for the holidays and the references to Hamilton (2015), Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), Grease (1978), and Pokémon. Jayla and Spencer's Pikachu and Ash costumes sounded adorable. I feel like Hope’s transition over the story is actually a lot like Sandy’s! Also, the two girls at the Halloween party who were Sandy before and after, such a cool costume idea!

Jayla and Dean were both kind of annoying at times, but ultimately, I think they had good hearts, but were just a little too self-involved for their own good. I really appreciated after Dean went to college and grew up a little and started to stand up for Jayla and Spencer.

I also like that the book goes over some important topics like racism and the Civil War, disability awareness, bullying, mental health, and using sexual situations as a coping mechanism.

My top three favorite parts are:

The Vice Principal’s Surprise -- I mean DICK CONFETTI? How much better can it get?

2. The Tree Stand in the Rain -- My little heart at all the romance:

3. The Lightning Bugs -- Just such a sweet and magical moment.

Would I Read this Book Again?

Low key kind of want to read it again right now! I hope they make a movie of this!