#basically i know it's always great to have these things still exist online just in case

[drewsaturday]

i really do think people need to devote a week to archiving their favorite fanworks when they join a new fandom to save the rest of us the insane guilt tripping whenever we decide we want to delete something we made and have the right to toss out

[qqueenofhades]

https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/743255237060689920/the-thing-that-confuses-me-about-the-dont-vote

The “don’t vote” left’s point is basically that, if Biden gets a second term, it’ll basically signal that “They’ll vote for us as long as we’re not Republicans, why don’t we do some REAL fucked up shit, if we can get away with it?” It takes the power out of the people’s hands and places it firmly in the party’s.

I can’t completely disagree with that, my caveat is that there’s no real alternative system or party in place, because top-down change is ineffective; a third party president has to contend with a two party congress.

Except no. This whole "Biden just wants to do as much fucked up shit as possible while not being a Republican, and if you give him a second term he'll do more fucked up shit deliberately to spite you" mindset is only possible as an interpretation if you a) deliberately and comprehensively ignore everything he has done to date, and b) you approach the situation with the maximum bad faith possible. Not to mention, the ultimate outcome of this Big Important Teaching Biden A Lesson is that Trump gets back into power and makes everything orders of magnitude worse, because he does in fact want to deliberately do evil shit to everyone and says so at every opportunity. There is not some magical happy alternative that springs into existence by not voting. If you choose this as a year to Teach Biden A Lesson, you are enabling Trump. Trump will be much, much worse. If you don't care about that, I still do not care what your Great Ideology is. You are not helping anyone and you are directly and irreversibly hurting everyone.

I made a post a few days ago wherein I mentioned that I want to assess Biden fairly, taking into account both strengths and weaknesses, but the rampant bad-faith, lying, misreading, misrepresentation, and open sabotage of him (especially by the online left; the GOP sometimes only wishes they were as good at turning Biden's voter pool against him) makes it really difficult to do that. My frustration with those people makes me just want to go "BIDEN IS GREAT THE END." I know he is a flawed old man (though by literally every account of a career spent in public service, he really does care about making the world a better place and any remotely good faith reading of his accomplishments thus far can see that). It is also very likely that he goes MORE left in a second term because he won't have to face the electorate again, he has always gone more left when pushed before, and he's not actually the scheming genocidal mastermind that leftist social media paints him as. Shocking, I know.

I know there are things in the world we don't like and don't want and want to stop, and therefore we blame our own president for not making it stop. But I have zero, no, none, absolutely none whatsoever sympathy for this pseudo-populist "WE NEED TO TEACH BIDEN A LESSON BY ELECTING TRUMP AGAIN, I AM VERY MORAL MUCH ACTIVIST" mindset. There's this funny thing about America wherein it is still (for now) a democracy. If Biden wins a second term, he can't run again. I would take literally anything these people said more seriously if they focused on developing their dream progressive successor for 2028 (and also figured out how to get that person elected and in a place to make real change) rather than cynically sabotaging Biden in the most consequential election year, again, of our lifetimes. If you don't like him now, find a way to make his successor a better option. Throwing a toddler tantrum and handing the country back to a senile, deranged, fascist, revenge-riddled, theocratic Trump HELPS. NOBODY. I still don't know how many times I'm going to have to say that, but yeah.

[yuikomorii]

The day tumblr stans will stop being chronically online is the day I will finally like this fandom. Goofy aah people think their opinions matter?

Last year everyone adored Ayato on this platform but after a certain ahem cult ahem of people joined, I can sense they’re secretly having beef with Ayato and are sending mean anons to Ayato fans for some jealousy reason.

Granted he is not my personal best boy but he’s DiaLovers’ best boy for a fact and the hype he started getting is pretty much deserved. In a series of games that’s a bit dead, I’m glad he’s able to keep it relevant not only for the DiaLovers fans. Don’t mind delulus saying bad things about him, those only exist on this platform anyway and are just seeking for attention and approval from random strangers.

// Tbh, I’m disappointed but not surprised. Unfair and two-faced people are everywhere and if they truly spend their time in that manner, you can already see how miserable their lives must be.

I believe that the Ayato hate train began with Youngblood and picked up steam this year after the release of the Meow Meow vampire art. Many people made fun of Ayato's appearance and blamed him for FaVoRiTiSm , despite the fact that everyone in Japan adored him there. I don't know why, but the DL Tumblr fandom is completely out of touch with everything DL-related. They have no idea that Rejet simply creates Ayato content as a marketing ploy; in fact, Japanese fans are literally the ones who request it. In 2020, Ayato was stated as fans’ top choice and got invited as a co-star with a national idol at Nino-san, which was broadcasted on the second largest television corporation in Japan. If people hadn’t recommended him so much, he wouldn’t have ended up there… it’s not that hard to understand.

This has the same vibe as those kpop fans who always complain about how their ult group is underrated but don’t even stream their songs, instead they spend their time criticizing bigger groups for what??

I’m not forcing anyone to love Ayato but at least give me good reasons to dislike him. I understand not liking ALL Diaboys but isn’t it hilarious how some people would give you a litany of reasons why they can't stand Ayato, but when you look at their bias, he did the same (or worse) things as (than) Ayato? If you truly dislike those actions, at least pick a side, lol. I honestly don’t hate any Diaboy (though I don’t agree with their behavior all the time) but even if I did, I wouldn’t throw shade at that one character out of the blue only to piss of his stans.

And I swear, it's incredibly annoying how some people would tear Ayato down when asked about their favorite character/ship/route, etc., even though he has absolutely NOTHING to do with the question or he isn’t even the main topic of the question. Saying things like, "Yeah, I like this character because, unlike Ayato (just an example hehe)—" or "No hate towards Ayato but — *proceeds to mischaracterize and hate on him*" are examples of uncalled hate speech. Literally why use HIM most of the time as an example when talking about negative things?? At this point that’s not even a coincidence anymore, but a pattern, which is truly giving fan behavior.

Such people are really the worst. Reminds me of how some fans still think it’s okay commenting stuff like “This is great but I don’t like *inserts thing the OP obviously likes*” or “Not trying to be mean but *starts being mean*”. Respectfully, who even asked for your opinion? Mind your own business and learn basic etiquette.

[hpysprkl]

Spark's Art Commissions

Commisions are: OPEN

What I Draw

All Fallout, all the time. I've played every Fallout in existence (except that Tactics/BoS bullshit) and I love them all - yes, even 76. Fair warning: I'm less well-versed in Fallout 1 & 2, what with it having been a couple decades since I played either.

Interested in non-Fallout art? Doesn't hurt to ask.

Who I Draw

Your Fallout OCs and fave companions. As long as it's a character I can find enough reference for online, I'm good.

Looking for more examples of my work? Here they are.

Prices (USD)

More details on terms, what I will and won't draw, what I need from you, etc below the cut.

Payment is currently only available through PayPal. I'm looking into other payment options, such as Ko-Fi.

What I need from you

your faceclaim(s). If they're not someone I can easily google, I will need a few clear photos from different angles. Don't have a faceclaim for your OC yet? This is a great place to start looking

in-game screenshots are sometimes useful, so include those as well if they look anything like your OC. I will always prefer real human reference though, so please give me a faceclaim!

basic details: height, build, age, hair color/texture/style, eye color, identifying marks, etc etc etc. For companions, give me your headcanons on any details not provided in-game (or if you headcanon something differently), or I'll use my own if you don't have any

what outfit(s) they wear. If it's vanilla/Creation Club/Atomic Shop, just the in-game outfit names will usually do (i'll tell you if I need more)

any personality traits, background info, or quirks you want to share are absolutely GREAT and help me breathe a little more life into a character

if I'm drawing them with a companion, tell me a little about their dynamic

Will draw:

your Fallout OCs

their companion(s) (including ghouls)

weapons

some blood/gore/injury

sfw romantic content

Difficult areas:

curly hair - I'm trying, I'm learning, but it's harder and might take me longer

Super Mutants - haven't tried yet, but it can't be that hard

artistic nudity/pinups: I'm really out of practice, I make no guarantees

Won't draw:

anything racist/queerphobic/transphobic/bigoted/etc

minors

backgrounds. There's a reason this is a serparate, specialized job in animation and comic studios

nsfw romantic/sexual content (I don't have a problem with it, it's just way outside my wheelhouse. I'm learning.)

excessive blood/gore/injury (again, outside my wheelhouse)

creatures (same reason)

IMPORTANT STUFF

What you get

high-resolution digital art (A4/8x12" at 200dpi for busts, minimum of 12x12" at 200dpi for half body and up) suitable for printing for personal use only

If you'd like me to crop you an isolated closeup of a character for use as a profile pic, I'm happy to do so at no extra charge

my work always includes my signature watermark; you may not remove or modify it

you're not required to credit me if you share it on social media, but of course I very much appreciate it if you do, and a link back to my tumblr along with it will earn you my undying love and gratitude

What you DON'T get

the right to modify, redistribute, sell or in any way profit from the work or products derived from the work (you can share it on your socials or post it with your fanfic and that sort of thing, but you can't sell stuff or give things away with my art on it). If you are interested in licensing for prints, stickers, or any other digital or physical merchandise (even not-for-profit), please let me know so we can discuss licensing terms. The 'no redistribution' rule does include gifting. If you're interested in, for example, printing stickers with my art of your OC to hand out at comic con or something, please contact me.

copyright/intellectual property rights. It's still my original artwork. As such, I am free to modify and distribute it in any way I see fit, including for profit.

[fluentisonus]

Hello, sorry if you’ve already said this before, but where are you finding your folk songs? like a specific book or website? (i’m always looking to expand my collection and i have never heard of long lankin before)

thanks in advance :D

Hey!!

So originally I just got folk songs from ones I heard growing up, because my dad was fond of folk music & played me a number of bands I'm still fond of. A lot of ones I come across now are still basically from rabbit holes of songs I fell down with these.

However! If you're looking for more thorough catalogues of folk songs, the main ones you come across are:

Child Ballads -- These are only ballads. They were collected by Francis James Child in the 19th century, and they're all numbered, so if you've seen songs mentioned as like "Child 93" that's why, especially because a lot of these songs don't have consistent names. They're primarily collected in his 5 Volume book The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3, Vol. 4, Vol. 5), linked there to where you can read it for free. The great thing about these is it will list all the variations of the songs he found as well as where he found them, with a little scholarly discussion of the song and its history on each. As someone that loves like. the process of transmission & the context of songs this is very appealing to me personally. It is old fashioned in its scholarship etc though.

Roud Folk Song Index -- This is a Much larger more modern index of songs: for comparison there are only 305 child ballads, whereas the Roud Index has nearly 25,000 songs (including all the Child ones). These also have numbers, so you'll often see something like "Child 93; Roud 6" where they overlap, or "Roud 2989" where they don't. Obviously because it's so big there's no book for them all, and likewise not as much commentary on individual songs. You can search them by number here, or by subject (!!!) here. The fact that this index exists is really cool, and especially that you can search it like that, although sometimes I find it a bit hard to get what I want, or have it layed out as clearly as in Child, I think just because it's so big.

This isn't really a major index like Child and Roud so you won't get it cited anywhere, but Mainly Norfolk is an index of folk songs mainly focusing on more modern recordings of the songs and their different variations. So for example you'll get a page for a songs and it'll tell you all the bands that have recorded it, and the differences in their lyrics, and what they said about the song on the back of the CD, etc. Which is fun for me particularly because I'm often accessing them through having listened to modern recordings and I'm curious about that.

You can also find various collections of broadsides and things (Roud includes a lot of broadsides I believe but if you want to look at them specifically), one of my favorites is the Bodleian Libraries online collection, which even has images of a lot of them I believe. This is fun if you like print sources.

And then a lot of these I'm just searching in Youtube as well, haha. You never know what old man recording a song he heard from his grandmother with 10 views and 2 likes you might find.

I hope this was helpful & answered the question! I will say I don't have any sort of expertise in this, it's entirely based on me just fooling around, so if anyone more knowledgeable than me has anything to add or any corrections to make feel free!

[iamamythologicalcreature]

Can I be real for a second?

I’ve gone back and forth in my head about whether or not to post about this very real side of me online or not. There’s nothing shameful about being disabled, but I don’t want to be known as my disability, either. I don’t want that to be my identity.

But I’m hoping to post some of my writing tomorrow for Six Sentence Sunday. Post something I’ve written, albeit just a small bit, online where anyone can see it. It will be the first time I’ve done so since the car accident three years ago. And the truth is, the terrible truth is, my writing is what hurts the most.

Stories have always been a part of my life. They have always been my motivation, why I slogged through everything else - my reason for existing. I wrote novels and hoped to publish, and I fell in love with the writing community and made it my home. I volunteered and organized events. I created an extremely successful and fulfilling teen writing club where I taught creative writing. I was in love with stories, and writing them. I have never not been in love with stories.

(Before I was a writer I was an artist. I’m not going to go into that part of my life in detail, but it was just as heavily affected.)

At the beginning of 2020 I was in a car accident. The driver at fault was pulling out of a bar parking lot in the middle of the day. Make of that what you will. The accident he caused left me with more than a few issues, but for this post I’m focusing on the vision impairment.

Because of COVID, I wasn’t able to seek any diagnosis or treatment until June. I didn’t even begin physical therapy until August. Due to a myriad of issues and unfortunate reasons, I couldn’t complete my treatment. That meant a year and a half of work and struggle went down the drain.

This continues to affect me in many ways. Sometimes it’s things that you might expect - I can’t read Tumblr, or books, most days. Some limitations are less obvious, like how I’m afraid to ask questions (e.g. “what kind of car did Fiona drive?”) because the resources to find the answers myself are out there. Why don’t I just google it? Or reference that amazing spreadsheet someone did? Why am I asking other people to do the work for me? Am I just lazy?

People don’t mean to judge (and I’m sure there are plenty who don’t). But my issues aren’t apparent, so they won’t know unless I take the time to explain it. Able-eyed people should be able to find these simple answers. Just look in the book.

So I don’t ask. Or I apologize a lot for asking. Because it’s just too hard to explain why I need such basic help. (And sadly, some people still don’t believe me and treat me as thought I’m making excuses.)

I lost most of my friends simply for being unable to chat online, particularly during lockdown. I kept three people in my life - the three people willing to break with their comfort zones and talk to me on the phone instead of via text or chat. Those people probably saved my life. I know everyone went through isolation issues in 2020. But I went through them unable to even use a computer or read a book.

Since I’m typing this, you can guess that I’ve recovered somewhat, or made some accommodations that help. Yes. I have. Both of those. But I still have more bad days than good. Typing too long, or playing a phone game, surfing Tumblr - anything done for too long can break my eyes and send me back into total isolation for days.

I was a really good writer. I would regularly write 10-20k every weekend, and I wrote well. I wrote great stuff. (Rough drafts are always rough drafts, but I felt good about what I wrote.) I would sink into a character and go for hours.

Here’s the part that’s relevant to me now: I can’t do that anymore. I can’t write for hours, I can’t take the time to slip into character. I’m doing really well if I can pound out a speedy 1k in 30 minutes and have it not break my eyes. (It usually breaks my eyes.)

If you’re a writer, though - or any kind of creative - you know that the need doesn’t just go away.

(I have tried to record notes on my phone, but I just cannot dictate writing fiction. Only my fingers know how to speak well, and in character. And no, I’m not going to learn braille. It would not be helpful.)

So I’m going to try to write. It’s going to suck, because the things I did to write well before are things I can’t do anymore. I will cry. And then I will wait a week or however long it takes for my eyes to chill the fuck out, and I’ll try again.

(I’ve also started treatment again, just this month. I have to start at square one again, which means it will get worse before it gets better. It will take time, and money - lots of both. Like years. But I can’t give up.)

Anyway. This is why I chose the Simon Snow fandom to try again, for the first time in forever. Because that’s the story, and those are the characters, and these are the people. I know it. So. Hi.

[tjmystic]

Before I say anything else, let me be clear that I support trans, nonbinary, and otherwise queer people. I support and want to validate the ways that they choose to present themselves and the things they need to make themselves feel like humans instead of weird dolls that someone slapped a gender onto arbitrarily. This is not a TERF post, I'm not interested in anything TERFs have to say.

Now, with that out of the way, I'm going to do a "woe is me, poor little privileged person" thing, and I'm well aware that it's going to sound dumb, but this blog is basically a virtual diary at this point, and, if you followed me, you signed up to sneak into my room with little flashlights and creep through the pages.

It is SO difficult to hold so-called "normal" or mainstream identities when, in large part, you don't want to have a community with any of the people who also hold such identities. And not just because of them. It's also because of people who are deemed transversive or abnormal. I recognize that this is a purely online problem and that most people who don't match the norm have to hide themselves away in fear lest they be attacked, but I'm not really interested in meeting or doing things with anyone in person, so virtual interaction is what I do. And because I reject everything fascist, white supremacist, evangelical, and misogynistic, most of my curated online experience is very queer. Usually, that's great. I'm not queer myself, but I usually feel like I have more in common with queer people than I do with other cis straights.

But not always.

Here's an example. I get that a lot of people hate the gender binary and find it oppressive. I completely agree that arbitrary gender roles are stupid. I also understand that gender isn't completely binary because, otherwise, nonbinary and agender people wouldn't exist. But people lose me when they say they want to abolish gender entirely. I am a woman and I like being a woman and I have always identified as either a girl or a woman. (Discounting one day when I was 4 and tried drawing hair on my chest with my mom's mascara because I COMPLETELY missed the point of Mulan and thought it meant you couldn't do cool stuff if you were or looked like a girl. My mom clarified things for me.) Taking that away from me would be taking away a big part of who I am and how I define myself. I don't even like the idea of anyone ever asking me about my pronouns, because the idea that someone couldn't be able to tell at first glance that I'm a woman makes me feel gross. Not because being anything besides a woman is gross, but because me being seen as anything other than what I am is. I already feel unsexy and ugly and unattractive on a daily basis, being mistaken for anything but a woman would just make that even worse.

On a similar note, I'm a monogamous person. I like the idea that other people have so much love to give that they don't want to be confined to a single romantic pairing. Sometimes. But, most of the time, hearing people openly describe their relationship goals with terms like, "I don't want to limit myself to one person" and, "It's stupid to think that one person can fulfill all of your emotional needs" is deeply depressing for me. It plants that seed of reminder that even people I think I have a kinship with would never think I'm enough in a relationship, that they would eventually get bored of me and want more because I just can't do it for them on my own. That is devastating to me.

Final example: I'm Christian. Literally no one needs me to explain why Christians are pretty much always the bad guys. Even I have a tendency to cringe away from or otherwise dismiss anyone who calls themselves Christian or talks about Jesus because I know the behaviors and attitudes associated with my religion. But it's still my religion. And seeing people call all religions cults, say we should do away with religion entirely, or claim that religion is the main source of people wanting to murder each other makes me want to bash my head against a wall.

But it doesn't feel like there's an alternative. I'm not talking to people who want to oppress or even murder trans and other queer people. I'm not participating in anything with people who think that enforced monogamy is a good thing. I don't actually see any kinship between myself and predominantly white nationalists who use Jesus as an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want. But it sometimes feels like the only alternative to that is being stuck in a weird "other" box.

I'm not expecting a reward for doing the bare minimum of rejecting the stupid and cruel parts of society. I'm not comparing my "struggle" or whatever to the genuine fear of assault and death that queer people have to deal with on a daily basis. It would just be nice if there was any kind of community that doesn't want to kill or hurt people but is also cool with liking some of the societal constructs we've been born with.

[dewdropreader]

❦ ➷ get to know your fellow fanfic writers better ༊ ✧.*

I was tagged by @bebx and @loki-is-my-kink-awakening for this “get to know the writer” tag! Thank you! 😊

when did you post your first ever fanfic?

I believe in 2012-2013? I was around 13-14 years old, so around then anyway (my first one doesn’t exist online anymore as far as I know so I can’t double check.) it was the usual middle school fandom girl era lol. First for my current account was February of 2022!

first character you wrote for:

It would have been Rin Matsuoka from Free! Iwatobi Swim Club! Specifically him and Nitori, they were one of my fave ships in that series!

main character(s) you’re currently writing for:

Basically anyone from the Loki series but especially Loki and Mobius and Sylvie, not necessarily in that order or all together but some combo of them 💚

character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan on writing about soon:

I haven’t written for OFMD but would really like to! I’ve had a lot of feels s2, no solid ideas yet but maybe something will spark some inspiration! Also Red White and Royal Blue! I haven’t gotten a chance to read the book yet but I watched the movie and got hooked and love those boys too 💕 so maybe one or both of them if the Loki series even temporarily gets it’s hooks out of me (with s2 though I’ve been as bad if not worse than before with my obsession so who knows lol)

And for within marvel the ship that got me into fanfic and got me to make this current ao3 account was Stucky so even though I only read for them and never wrote, they always have a place in my heart!

fandom(s) you’re currently writing for:

Also just Loki atm! But who knows for the future.

platonic pairing(s) you currently write for:

Mobius and any of the void Lokis as the best found family ever (Mobius and kid, Mobius and classic, Mobius and all of them my beloveds)

I haven’t written it recently but also wrote B-15 and Sylvie in a non romantic context and even though I think they’re also cute romantically I love them as a platonic pair and want to do more with them too! Similarly Sylvie and C-20, I wish they could have been friends if things had gone a bit differently 🥺

romantic pairing(s) you currently write for:

Lokius and Sylkius! Haven’t written any pure Sylki but who knows (I just like Mobius too much to not include him atm)

your top 3 tags on AO3 (if you post your works on AO3):

Hurt/comfort, fluff, and hugs 😂 sounds about right to me! I like some pain and crying and working through stuff but need the hugs and comfort alongside it/after it for sure.

your current platform where you post your works

AO3 is the same as my name here!

I try to post my fics links on tumblr too but don’t always remember so ao3 is always best bet if you want to read my stuff!! 😍

snippet of the wip you’re currently working on:

Right now I’m most heavily focused on a character study type fic cataloging different moments with Sylvie adapting to her McDonald’s life but specifically looking at her relationship with Jack, I think she would have such a great big sister vibe and they could learn a lot from each other 🥹

“Good job today, Sylvie,” Jack says, his lopsided smile clear even before Sylvie glances his way. He’s always got compliments and kindness at the ready, and he’s young and gentle enough that they’re always believable.

“Thanks, Jack,” she feels a smile curl onto her face. She still, even after knowing Loki and Mobius and B-15, feels like she doesn’t know how to have friends or family or any genuine connections at all. But Jack is the first in a long time to feel so real to her, to feel like a relationship she can stick with, with these new more permanent circumstances and her distance from the trauma of the TVA. She doesn’t remember what it’s like to be a sister, her memories of Thor long gone beyond the occasional glimmers in her dreams, let alone what being the older sister would be like, but this is what she suspects it is. A fierce protectiveness and gentle care, the ignoring of any silly flaws or naïveté because you just care about the person. That’s what she has for Jack, ever since he took her under his wing as an employee, she’s done the same for him as just a person.

“Mind if I stay here for a bit? My ma is going to be a few more minutes.”

Sylvie just smiles softly and scoots over on the wide hood of her truck, gesturing to the empty spot.

Jack nods rather sagely as he awkwardly hoists himself on to the hood of the truck, pushing himself up with his arms and then practically throwing himself on to it.

He pants softly as he adjusts to lay on his back a foot or two away from Sylvie, giving her another boyish grin. “Hey.”

“Very smooth, Jack,” Sylvie snorts.

“Your truck is huge! I’ve ridden in trucks before but yours is massive! I’m not sure how you even get up here, you’re shorter than me!” He laughs.

“My little secret, I guess,” Sylvie shrugs with a slight smile, returning her gaze to the inky sky, dotted with a trillion stars.

I’m excited to keep writing this, I’ve got some Lokius ideas in the works too but this one has been my focus for a few days!!

I’d love to see anyone do this that is interested but I’ll tag my usual group!!

@insert-witty-user-name-here @starport-seven-five @lgwilt @mirilyawrites @cha-melodius @chaos-monkeyy @waterhorseyblues-ao3 @blackbirdofasgard @dreamycloud @queen-of-meows

[mpregfrance]

Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3

[yam-nice]

Sleepover at H/n’s house

Sleepover at H/n’s house. Part one

Epitome: A sleepover has become a regular routine. Now that you come by more often. You feel at home and that is how you are treated. The people around you are grateful for your existence. What you don't notice, someone else does. You walk around with a schedule. You solve everyone's problem. School is going well, but as always the stress is running high. You still have to learn for the next exam, make homework and something extra that came into it. Stress!

…Maybe she can relief you from that?

Caution: Soft and Angst?

Words: 1234

Title: Sleepover at H/n’s house.

-----------------------------------------------

It’s a Friday and you’ve planned a sleepover at your gf house. This isn’t an ordinary thing. You’ve been doing this ever since you two got into a relationship. So it’s normal for you to just straight up head to her house from school. You have almost half of your own property there.

You could say you’d basically live at h/n’s house. H/n aswel oftenly sleeps over at your place.

You two are close, close enough.

The bell rings making a end to my last lesson of today. “Make sure to practice this paragraph and make the homework. You can check the answers online. It would really help u pass the exam.” The teacher says reassuring.

I pack my stuff and leave the classroom, but before I did so the teacher puts his hand up. “Y/n.” He says. I look at him confused. What does he want? I want to leave already! “I know you’re good with your grades. That’s why, If you have time. I want you to make this schedule for the upcoming school project. I think with your work this school might actually end up somewhere high in the competitions.” He says in a caring and cheerful way. I look at him with a smile. I nod as he continues to explain.

He’s been explaining for 5 minutes. I have to go so I interrupt him. “Sir, I would love to help.” He nods and says. “I’m sorry I’ve been trying to convince you on your precious free time. I still have to be in this jail.” He jokes. I laugh as I take the paper and other sample sheets. “I know you have a tight schedule, but this needs to be done before next Friday.” He says with a caring tone, but a facial expression of fear.

“Okay. I’ll make sure to finish it anytime before next Friday. No pressure.”

“Thank you dear. Now go on have freedom.” He says still being in ‘jail’. I nod and give him a smile as I take my leave.

Putting in my earplugs and listening to music as make my way over to H/n’s house. I look at the folder in my hand going through the stuff the teacher gave me.

Great another stress. I facepalm myself. I have to learn and make my homework. Make a move on this subject. When will I have the time to do this. Next week is also tight, maybe I should finish this at H/n’s house.

I text H/n as I approach her house. She replies all to excitingly. She has a huge house. It’s contrasts are very pretty. It’s a black n white house. H/n is mostly home alone. Her parents are divorced and her sister is old enough so she lives somewhere near. H/n and her mom live together, but her mom is always at work. Well she can’t complain, cause there must come an income from somewhere. And I think there doing well. H/n also works so they’re a great duo.

I walk up to her gate and buzz it. Her mom answers. “Hello ma’am.” I say. She notices my voice immediately. “Ah, y/n I knew you were coming enter. Enter!” She says excited by my visit. The gate slides open and I walk up to the door who opened the very second I look up from the ground. “Come inside and make yourself at home sweetheart.” She says motherly. She nods to the sofa and heads to the kitchen.

“Did you just come from school?” She asks and looks at me. I nod at her. She gives me a sad face and starts a conversation about school which ended up into complaining about school.

So I enter the house and follow her directions. I sit on the crème soft big sofa. The house is very different from what we see outside. The look it has on the outside is luxurious and chic. Whilst the insides interior looks calm and has a vintage style.

It gives a home feeling. A secure feeling.

H/n perhaps noticed your voice. You can see her walking down the stairs in her gray sweater and sweatpants. Her hairs in a high ponytail and she has a bit of makeup on. Probably still from her work shift that ended just an hour or two ago.

H/n’s mother approaches you again. She holds a wooden board with sliced ​​baguette, spreads and a knife in her hands. “Sweetheart eat up. You must feel exhausted.” She says. “What about you two? Did you eat already?” I ask. H/n has already approached us and stand in front of the coffee table with her legs crossed and fingertips in her mouth. Cute.

They look at each other as if no one’s ever asked them. Then they look at me and smile. “Your so caring y/n. No we haven’t.” H/n mother says and her face is full of joy. A feeling of caring seeps through her as the tears well up in her eyes that she tries to hide, but I can still see them.

H/n sits next to me on the sofa. “Well then let’s eat this together.” I look at H/n. “Shall I invest one sliced ​​baguette for the both of you?” I ask. H/n looks at me with soft eyes. “I‘ll do it y/n.” H/n’s mother says, but I interrupt her. “I'll do it, no exceptions. I'll take care for the both of you.” I say with discreet. She looks at me and I give her a reassuring look.

We all enjoy the food. We make each other laugh and tell each other jokes about past events. When we finish H/n’s mother asks me. “Will you sleep over?” H/n then looks at me. “Yes of course. If I can-“ I say, but her mom interrupted me. “You always can, y/n!” She hugs me tightly. “You really brighten H/n and my life, Sweetheart.” She says with a breaking voice. We both notice it and H/n approaches me from behind. “Mom are you crying?” She asks patting her back whilst looking at me confused. “Ma’am are you okay?” I ask. She lifts her head and you can see her smile while a tear runs down her eye. “Aww miss! Don’t cry. I love you both.” I say about to cry from pity. H/n also was about to cry as she hugs her mom from behind.

“I could never imagine what you're going through, but I do know something for a fact… You are a strong woman and you do not give up.”

“It must’ve been so heavy…” H/n sighs out as she starts tearing up. “I’m sorry mom for the pressure.” H/n says.

“No it’s not your fault H/n.” H/n’s mother says to reassure her. Turning over to hug H/n. They both come to and start cheering each other up again

“You’re indeed so strong mom.” H/n says proudly. “This is all Y/n’s fault. She’s the one making us all tear up.” H/n says jokingly while looking at me. “What, how dare you!” I say with my hand on my heart as if she broke it. Putting on a dramatic scene to bring the joy back. H/n mother smiles and starts to clean her tears. I smile at her and with a sentence from the heart I proudly say.

“You are truly a warrior”. And patt her shoulder and give her a reassuring hug.

[septembersghost]

I understand the desire to not support problematic or worse, abusive celebrities, but sometimes I wish we could go back to not knowing much about these their lives. Listening to their music or watching their movies doesn’t necessarily mean you support every thing they do.

it's funny - if i may share some levity in this situation - because i saw a post about a band i adore two days ago, and the op was annoyed about fans misattributing songs to certain muses or trying to figure out who they were ~about~, and the tone was like, "can't you all just stop and focus on the music and the lyricism?" and op was well within their rights to say that, but i was laughing because...i've followed the band for as long as i've followed taylor, and somehow, not once, have i thought or wondered about or investigated who the actual subjects of their songs are. this is, imho, a neutral statement, it's totally fine that other fans do that, heaven knows i get it, but it's not how i engage with them specifically, and it hit me like, oh wow, every fandom is like this, if you get deep enough. because people are curious, and people are interested in others' stories, and fans want to feel included in that, and art (music especially) speaks so directly to us that we enjoy feeling an insightful connection to it when we're super attached to the artist. i'd never thought about it, because even though their music is profoundly important to me, my engagement level is different. it kind of gave me a perspective on how and why certain things affect us all in unique ways. and we could get into diaristic writing and the specific personality of that and the intentional creation of an invested fandom, but it's ultimately up to us how we relate to things. there are beautiful and awful aspects about many of us being very tuned in and online, and thus having a lot more access to gossip and to knowing details.

anyway, human nature is nosy lol and we also tend to hope that the artists we love align with us in some way, so it can hurt when they don't, but celebrities fundamentally can't line up with us due to the world in which they exist, which is vastly apart from our own. pedestals don't do anyone any good, and it's always a long way to fall. :( that said, there's a reason we do tackle things like abuse, misogyny, racism, prejudice, etc, and some of that is a reckoning because we've only begun to call people on it in recent memory. the entertainment industry ran unchecked on these issues for a long time. some things do indeed change with time - social mores of past decades, or centuries!, cannot be expected to match or be upheld to our own - so a lot of the question becomes, is there ongoing harm (or threat of harm) to other individuals or to vulnerable groups? if so, what can we accomplish by confronting that? can we work to break those barriers down, show that those behaviors are unacceptable, and uplift people hurt by it in the meantime? and we try to do what we can. for example, the #metoo movement is still basically a nascent thing, and we're still struggling every day to reconcile all of this and figure out how to change for the better. the fact of the matter is, we as fans are consumers with very little power to affect that. we can decide who to support and how to spend our energy/time/money, but our reach will always be limited. nothing is perfect or unproblematic. we can't expect that, but we try to keep improving.

i've said this repeatedly now, but if i needed people or art to be morally pure, there's absolutely nothing i could love and engage with ever. we read poetry and it moves us, quite often we don't know its personal inspiration. there are poems i cherish from poets who were definitely not great people. do i stop reading them, quoting them? there are films i love with actors i know weren't unimpeachable either, songs i love created by musicians with troubled pasts - should i never watch or listen to that again? is it a sin that i already have? (no.) my room is filled with items from things i'm passionate about, should i be canceled for my old hollywood movies and my cds and my disney princess figurines and my barbie dolls? (granted these are relatively tame things because of the person i am lmao. but you know what i mean?) i'm typing this on an electronic device that makes my life easier for me in my chronic illness, so does my comfort in using it make me a bad person because it comes from a bad company? like it's all so tangled and complex we'd lose our minds if we demanded complete purity at every moment. that doesn't mean we can't be very hurt by harm and bigotry, and it doesn't mean we shouldn't call things out or sit by while marginalized people are upset in our communities. again, it's all very personal boundaries and decisions of what to support and what we care about, even what we feel comfortable/safe speaking about - and a lot of the time those decisions are selfish (not a negative thing, necessarily, just true), because we care more about things that personally impact us. i try to be kind and aware and thoughtful, but i mess up or inelegantly handle things or act contradictorily too, because i'm a human.

i got off-topic, but i'm firmly of the belief that you can enjoy someone's work and artistry without condoning all of their decisions and actions, because people are always going to make mistakes or do things you disagree with. you have to draw your own lines. if i tell someone i won't engage with an artist's work because they're prejudiced or abusive, they have no right to tell me that i'm too sensitive or wrong for that, but i also can't dictate that they shouldn't do it either, that's their choice and anything else would be censorship. really horrific abuse and bigotry needs to be accounted for and stopped whenever possible, but i do wish we knew less about famous people's private lives and (often banal) commentary, and i REALLY wish we knew less about their sex lives (like nothing. i get other people like this, this is my demi self talking because i never understand the intense interest in this topic!), except that's hard to separate out when quite a lot of art is romantic and revolves around love (and i'm such a romantic, so see my conundrum here?). regardless, i do often wish there was a clearer border line between some art and artists. i do wish we could hold certain things on our own, with our individual experience and perspective, even though there's a richness and value in experiencing it as a community and in relation to an artist too.

sondheim said art isn't easy, and meant it as a creator (advancing art is easy, financing it is not, another inherent problem with art and capitalism being intertwined), but it isn't always easy for us either. he also said the art of making art is putting it together, that's what counts, and i feel we do that as individuals embracing it too.

just thinking about how blissfully happy i am not knowing a damn thing about that band because their music has unique personal meaning to me makes me wish i could magically erase a lot of information from my brain, and tbh there's a degree of privilege in that (the luxury to not know and not care isn't afforded to everyone), but it does make the experience of enjoyment much more fun and peaceful. sometimes we just want to explore art and be touched or comforted or surprised etc by it, and sometimes we just want to vibe, and sometimes we just want to love things. that's not a moral indictment, it's not a political praxis, it's not absolute agreement or condemnation of a creator. it simply is. we do need to allow ourselves more grace to enjoy art for art's sake. there is so little time or true pleasure in life. it's good to let the light in when we can.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary166

2/27-28/2024

tuesday - wednesday

sooo tired.

i'll keep work related stuff short, i got sent in early, i was there from 3:00 to 9:57. i did take a 30 minute break though, but i didn't eat or anything. i woke up at about 11 am, so i didn't eat from then to about 11 pm. i also got complained about at work, because a woman thought i made her pay for a ride and her kids weren't able to get on or something and then like, used her credits to let people on or something, or that i was letting people on for free at some point. i don't remember anything like that happening, i think i just said no to her and she had to throw a fit.

anyway the problem song from last night is still a problem i think. some stuff needs to be fixed so i'm gonna do that. i'm also making toast. i did make actual dinner too but i am just sooo hungry lol.

the song is getting there. i just read an article about disney adults, and it's made me powerfully sad. not much else to say beyond that.

now i'm listening to built to spill, it's been a while, as a kid they were a favorite, or since being a kid, they've been a favorite. this time around, nothing's really changing there. but the memories are less about when i saw them as a kid, and more about my more recent brushes with them, i got to see them live a few years ago, and it was a really great concert, it was lovely to see doug up there playing songs off keep it like a secret. but the memories are specifically about this guy i saw there, unexpectedly, a very online guy i met in a class, about american short stories. the class was good, and i sat by this guy, and i really liked him. not romantically, i just found him charming in an earnest way, i wish we talked more, i wish we saw eachother more, he liked my 100% electronica shirt, he was very nice. when i saw him at the built to spill show, he was really feeling the music, when i told him i never really listened to keep it like a secret he said "well, you're gonna love this, this is the good stuff." and i saw him, during keep it like a secret, mouthing every word, fist in the air, eyes closed. it was religious for him, this memory of him, of chad, his name is chad, really moves me, his existence came off as very vulnerable, to be chad was to be vulnerable, i felt like, i dunno. he seemed very neurotic i suppose. or maybe not very, but he seemed sad in evident ways, he really moved me i guess. i dunno. men like that always do. it's people who seem to be horrifically sad, and people who i seem to be incapable of really getting to know, that linger in my mind, but never remain in my life. i guess now it's this sense that i'd like to staunch the misery by being his friend, up to now, but i'm bad at talking to people. i still need to talk to my mom.

for a while, on twitter, he'd sometimes interact with posts, and i'd interact with his. i liked that, it's sad too though, i wish we all had an easier time of being in each others lives.

the song does sound better now, at least. i feel so emotionally fried today. long hours really mess me up. it doesn't seem sustainable. i have to do it again today. maybe i need to do something to make that less, uhhhhh, likely, to happen to me, i guess. but idk what to really do. if i just say i can't work (x) days they might like, give me fucked up stupid shifts or something. guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this is the thing i hate, feeling my life taken away. i feel like a dumb stupid animal and like all that's waiting for me if i move an inch is punishment via stick on my stupid tiny skull and my brains splattering across everythingggggggggggggggg. or maybe just the back of a dryer, and my remains going unremoved, cooking off the heat of the dryer.

i feel like crying. dumb.

something bothers me about people being compliant, i guess, with that. but that's stupid, i shouldn't care, i just really hate knowing of people who are like workaholics basically, like they love it, that's like, disgusting to me almost. it's one person i'm thinking of, maybe that makes it okay, because i'm not even thinking of a type. i'm thinking of one human who bothers me. i'm just dumb and confused right now. i want to put my head underneath something super heavy.

unrelated to wanting to destroyyy myself, i think the song above has one of the most perfect snare sounds ever. the snare rolls are so violent, and still it's like, cute, too. it's perfect, as a sound. i wanna find something near that, and make grindcore with it, soon. maybe for the next ep, i'll evolve this drumkit in that direction, nail the snare sound.

3 am ughghhghg. i am gonna work out and try to feel better.

i worked out, and i think i've got this song right, for real this timeee. yayyyyyyyyyyy.

so, i should sleep now,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nat-of-personifs]

The Great Big Lore Post

nonpersonif sideblog: @nats-other-archive

scpesque things: @things-that-remind-me-of-ira

omegaverse sideblog: @yourcityisanomega

I am in a qpr with @loquaciousnewt :>

Most recent version of the personif list (click original to see new edits)

Link to Countryhumans the fandomspirit’s HCs

Me trying to make sense of why I love personifs so much

I Am Only What You Made Me Masterlist

All my Iraverse lore

Active vs. Passive Guardians

Post I Went Insane Over

Updated 21 July 2023

Basically my excuse to use terms no one else understands when I reblog stuff. I kind of have my own personification mythos; it’s not attached to any fandom now, but I came up with most of the Fourth Wall lore for a Welcome to the Table AU where the states had to use powers based on their natural disasters to fight an apocalypse of all-devouring plastic spiders. And California was pyrophobic. It never got anywhere, but I just repurposed the world building.

I also learned a lot about the weather; fun fact, the three most natural disaster-prone states are Texas, California, and Oklahoma. California comes first too, by some measurements, but most of the sites I looked at listed her as second place.

Also, the similarities between the Guardians and the SCP Foundation weren’t intentional. I made the AU before I discovered the wiki.

The Fourth Wall and the Guardians -The Fourth Wall is an actual wall (well, close to it-). Everything humans have ever imagined is behind it.

-The place behind the Wall is Fiction; our world is Reality.

-Strong enough belief can cause things behind the Wall to breach it.

-Guardians are people who can see, and in some cases interact, with the Wall/entities behind it. Active Guardians (who can interact) can basically manipulate human thought by killing/modifying those entities.

-The Wall is somewhat sentient (not sapient though), and chooses who can see it and who can’t; it can also revoke this at any time, which prevents misuse. I know this seems like a deus ex machina, and that’s because it is and I’m not creative enough to come up with a better explanation.

-Recently, it can also put Guardians on temporary leave. I’ll explain later.

-If the Wall needed to discipline a Guardian but didn’t want to lose their expertise, it could always kick them out for a bit and then re-initiate them. Temporary leave just keeps them closer.

-Guardians’ lives are sustained by the Wall. They will exist as long as humankind does, or until they get kicked out.

-Guardians are still people, and most have interests beyond thought-being wrangling.

-Passive Guardians, who can see but not interact (which means they can go into Fiction but they have no power over the things inside), serve as logistics managers. All Guardians except two are part of a hierarchy; Active Guardians on the ground focus on managing one kind of threat, and Passives manage them who also have Passives managing them and so on until we get to the top, which I haven’t defined because it’s not important for personifications.

-Some Actives are in the chain too, and some are at the very top.

-The exceptions were Ira and Iniko, REALLY OLD (like two of the first 10 Guardians to ever exist) Actives who everyone else gives the really dangerous creatures to to, ahem, contain, because the Wall tolerates them doing a lot of shit in Fiction that got other Guardians kicked out. Ira’s on temporary leave because her relationship with her brother Iniko, who the Wall chose mainly to keep her in check, was no longer as effective as it once was to prevent her from powertripping. (The Wall has since appointed someone else, but it doesn’t want to lose her expertise.)

-It’s also for Iniko’s mental health.

-Guardians can let things through the Wall. It’s harder to send them back, though.

-Personifications are the Guardians’ link to Reality.

-There are two triumvirates who manage/watch the personifications, Old and New.

-I’ll talk about NT later (they manage the online personifs), but the OT members are Nadia, the Country Guardian, Kevin (previously named Aaron) the Subdiv(ision) Guardian whose name is the only one who doesn’t have any kind of important meaning attached and manages everything between countryspirits and cityspirits, and Harta, the City Guardian who’s an Active surprisingly and also frighteningly devoted to her cityspirits. She doesn’t have any subordinates.

-The way to send a Guardian to temporary leave is to kill them.

-Before temporary leave existed in the form it does now, attempting the kill a Guardian just ended up with them severely injured; hurting a Guardian and putting them out of commission for a while was a thing that happened, but it would usually result in the Wall kicking them out.

-The US State Guardian, Kylin, is on temporary leave right now; DC’s Guardian is filling in for them. They were Active and set the California Guardian’s house on fire; it was accidental, but everyone else, including the Guardian herself, thinks they did it on purpose (they’re good friends with the Fire Guardian).

-Every personif who is not based online is under OTJ (Old Triumvirate Jurisdiction; it’s less of a hassle for me to write and is one of the few acronyms I have that actually sounds good).

Online Personifs/The New Triumvirate/Temporary Leave -Internet is a physical place for them; terminally online humans may also hallucinate it.

-The Internet is inside the Fourth Wall.

-Personifs who live inside Internet are under NTJ.

-NTJ personifs are the closest beings to Fiction who are allowed to enter Reality (at conventions and the like, or in the houses of devoted fans).

-Most fandomspirits follow normal personification rules (a frightening amount of them are their heavily modified fandom/Socialstuck selves), but:

-Guardians who are killed reincarnate as fandomspirits.

-They do not remember their previous lives, but they remember their fandomspirit selves when they go back into Fiction.

-Guardian-reincarnate fandomspirits have very shaky canon or none at all, and usually something about them that breaks a rule, of the way the world works or the way personifs work.

-Returning to Fiction is as simple as sending a natural-born fandomspirit into Internet; two personifications of the same thing can’t exist at once. The fans don’t notice.

-NT lives in Internet and retains knowledge of their Guardianhood, and they have only three “underlings”. They’re also the personifs of AO3, Fandom Wiki, and TvTropes, and they don’t remember their old names.

-Wikipedia, Fanfiction.net, and Wattpad: Wikipedia, among their many other duties, is the poor soul responsible for writing down everything said at NT meetings, and Fanfiction.net and Wattpad serve as stand-ins for AO3 because they get into improbable accidents with disturbing frequency. FF used to have AO3’s position.

-The three fanfiction websites are the Little Triumvirate, not officially, but the abbreviation is easier than listing their names.

-This isn’t that important, but pretty much no one except the personif of an online platform and MAYBE Homestuck’s fandomspirit can understand anything the NT says to each other because the meanings are buried under three layers of fandom terminology, references, and Guardian gossip.

-Other platforms (ex. Tumblr, WikiDot) are personified and the constructors of houses the fandomspirits live in: each platform the fandom has a presence on is a different room. Similar fandomspirits live under one roof; they can’t control it.

-I pretty much exclusively talk about the Collaborative Horror House (where the SCP fandomspirit lives) and the G(A) House, where the fandomspirits revolving around personifs live, because those are the fandoms I’m in.

-CHH lives near MCYT, and it’s extremely loud; Countryhumans, Hetalia, and Polandball of G(A) all have love-hate relationships with each other and the smaller fandomspirits just have to deal with them being the faces of the whole place.

-For my reference and everyone else’s, the fandomspirits of G(A) are:

Countryhumans

Hetalia

Fandomstuck and Socialstuck (the Stuck twins and Hetalia and Homestuck’s kids) who serve as news reporters for all of Internet

(I am not questioning the fact that I have personified a fandom about personifying fandoms, one of whose main characters is a fandom dedicated to personifying countries.)

Polandball

Welcome to the Table (Kylin)

Centricide

thecitysmith’s Paris Burning/Cityverse

Great Cities, once she gets enough people to wake up

I’m also attempting to turn Iraverse/the scpersonif cult into a fandomspirit. She’ll be G(A)’s liaison to CHH

(If there are any I missed that you know of, tell me. spin-offs of countryhumans, polandball, and hetalia don’t count, and neither does gijinka)

-Ira reincarnated as the SCP fandom, but I also call the actual personif of the Foundation herself Ira because they’re identical in appearance.

-No matter how the people themselves perceive Internet, NTJ personifs can see them moving around their houses.

-I don’t think what actions one takes on the web corresponds to for an NTJ personif is that important, so I won’t list them here, except to say that fanfiction sites look like libraries.

Other Headcanons

-Land = Body, except for the face/neck, hands, feet, and sometimes other parts if it would make sense for the culture.

-Scars from important events go on the face: ex. California and the 1906 earthquake.

-Personifs with lots of natural resources get little glittering things that look like freckles, with the color corresponding to the resource. They disappear if those resources are depleted.

-When personifs hurt other personifs with their bare hands, the injury corresponds to something happening on their territory.

-If there is no majority among the personif’s people (a majority-minority), the personif’s skin tone will either shift constantly or they will look most similar to the most culturally dominant group. I just simplify this in art to them being ambiguously brown.

-The majority of personifs look like women because people most commonly see the places they live in as mothers, but the OTJ ones don’t really care about gender and are comfortable in all forms. Most NTJ personifs do have gender identities though, and OTJs have started experimenting with they/them and neopronouns.

-[UPDATE, 21 JULY 2023] Personification Food

-Personifs feed off their people’s loyalty to them. The exchange is supposed to be reciprocal: love and service for in-group belonging, safety, and sometimes—especially with those under NTJ—things specific to the personif. Children, other vulnerable populations, and welcomed newcomers give less and recieve more, but each person’s balance is different. Those in power are supposed to give the most, which the personif tries to balance out, and credit to @imadewritingmyjob for feeding the first sparks of this idea and writing a detailed example of a very extreme case with me (all giving, no receiving).

-Personifs can manipulate and amplify emotions somewhat to facilitate the feeding.

-Most of the time, the exchange is unconscious, and personifs don’t know at all what they’re doing. They just have certain people and places they enjoy being around more. The feeling each personif gets from feeding is different: Foundation perceives the exchange as warmth, ironically, and the filling of absences, unironically.

-NTJs require love and active participation to come with the package, while OTJs just require service. OTJs are much more possessive of their people because they generally need more to reach the same level as NTJs—which is also their fault. A lot of what NTJs have to offer is simply more attractive.

-The above is purely based on the assumption that most people in fandoms dedicate more time and energy to participating in said fandoms than they do to their OTJs. Because I do.

-Though OTJs get some energy from fandomspirits if their Canon is heavily tied to them: anime fandomspirits feed Tokyo, though he doesn’t particularly enjoy that.

-The competition is why they have a non-interference policy (the OTJs are very likely to start a fight) with fandomspirit nexuses like the aforementioned Tokyo, San Diego, and Los Angeles acting as ambassadors if there’s something both sides of the divide need to know.

-If you’ve ever had intense brainrot about a fandom character, congratulations! That’s partially the work of your fandomspirit. They like you. (Oh my god, SCP and G(A) teamed up on me.) Those feelings are still your own, don’t worry.

-Cultspirits and Foundation have the biggest appetites and are often addicted to one person in particular (much to his detriment, in the latter’s case).

-Healthy feeding does not affect the physical body and exchange with at least one personif is pretty necessary to mental health. Symbiotic, not parasitic.

[sunrisethoughts02]

Inbox justkenz for mental health help 💜

Hi there, lovely human! I'm so glad you dropped by today :) this is a really great question, and I will do my absolute best to answer it! Please keep in mind I am not a licensed professional, and I'm also still on my mental health journey. These are just things that helped me, and I hope they help you!

Know Yourself. This is huge. I knew so little about who I was before I started an intentional process of trying to discover who I am, what my triggers and traumas are, etc. This is also really important because it directs your attention to the positive aspects of your personality and self, not just the parts you might struggle with. It's also important to understand that what worked for others - and is held up as this 'glorified self-care system' - might not look exactly the same for you. For example: I struggle with multiple autoimmune conditions, and the 'aesthetic' meals I copied off tiktok and youtube were actually hurting me, not helping. they might work for the creator, but self-care isn't copy and paste. it's a continuous, evolving process of attending to your individual needs. while therapy is of course great for assisting in this process, it can be really expensive. thankfully, many incredible resources are totally free. I would recommend journaling, yoga, and mindfulness as a great place to start. you can literally just search 'journal prompts for self-knowledge' on google, and there's lots of free meditations/podcasts/yoga classes. actually, i need to do a post specifically focusing on this really soon!

It might feel worse before it gets better, and that's okay. self-care is one of the most beneficial things for mental wellbeing. it can be extensive as taking a vacation, but for me it started with basic hygiene. it's hard for me to admit how hard basic hygiene was, and in depressive episodes, still is. I hated self-care at first because I always felt worse afterwards, and what's the point in taking aromatherapy baths if you feel more stressed afterwards?? I didn't know that it was actually my past trauma rising to the surface and releasing through my body and nervous system - traumas built on self-trust issues and fear. if this is the case for you, it's perfectly okay!! the media usually presents self-care rituals as these luxurious, stress-free, elaborate rituals. if yours, as mine did, end by crying on the bathroom floor, that's just fine. it's your body releasing old energy and trauma, which is usually negatively impacting your mental health. don't give up!! it will get better, and your brain and body will feel so much lighter after working through it.

What you eat matters. A lot. sugary/processed foods have a vast negative impact on depression and anxiety. unfortunately, that is exactly what my sad/scared brain craves. it's important to build healthy food habits into everyday life. I saw a huge impact on my mental health when I started paying attention to my food. this is not counting calories (in fact, please don't do that.) this is not restricting the amount of food you eat. it's eating as much as you want of foods that restore your energy and help clear your brain. lots of healthy fats and good proteins :) I eat keto/carnivore due to intense dietary restrictions, but I would recommend looking into Whole30, paleo, and keto lifestyles to see if it would work for you.

Spirituality. this was huge for me in my personal life, but these practices aren't confined to one specific belief system (and can still be beneficial without one at all.) for me, this looked like prayer, time in the Scriptures, and meditation. but meditation and gratitude practices can exist without any specific belief system and are helpful regardless of what you believe. any form of daily gratitude practice - whatever that looks like for you - is incredibly beneficial to mental health. again, there's tons of amazing resources online.

I tried to go through my biggest thoughts, but this was such an amazing question I could talk for hours!! I'll definitely do some mini-series posts on breaking down these topics and listing some specific resources. I wish you an amazing future, and don't hesitate to share any more questions/thoughts/comments! <333333

[a-lady-in-shining-armour]

I am just not having as much fun on this website anymore. I used to enjoy all the really interesting articles and studies that people would share and discuss, but that’s really dropped off. I lot of the normal women on here used to drop some great common sense content about everyday things like the ‘second shift’ and the expectations of being gender conforming etc that once you notice you see it everywhere. Now most radblr bloggers are as terminally online as any bun-gender person and everything is interpreted in bad faith with overly emotional call outs peppered with emotive buzzwords.

I’m so sick of logging on to see such out of touch takes as ‘expecting me to ever be in a public space with a baby is misogyny’ and the sequel ‘criticising abstinence only sex education is homophobic’.

Some of you need a reality check so here it is:

You are not an activist (necessarily obviously that might be your day job) you are a tumblr blogger engaging in social media for entertainment.

Most of you are not wise sages educating young grasshoppers girls about how having a baby might effect their career (no shit Sherlock) or that domestic violence can exist in heterosexual relationships (is it their first day on earth?). This is basic common knowledge especially for women interested in feminism, you really are preaching to the converted on this topic and it’s annoying as hell when you act like we might not have ever thought about it. Most of us are successful adult women, we know at least the basics about the risks of motherhood and marriage (often first hand) and it’s offensive for some random stranger to tell us that they (and only they) have all the right answers to some of the biggest issues in world for women. Basically, we are all peers here and not one of you has any real authority over anyone else.

The decision whether to have a long term relationship with a man and/or have children (and who you do this with) is The most serious and important decision in most woman’s lives. This is so commonly acknowledged that I have talked about it with my Mum, my Grandma, my sister, my friends, and even some work colleagues. It’s the focus of so many fiction and non fiction books, and in my opinion female anxiety about these choices that disproportionately effect women is why the entire romance genre exists! Our teachers had discussions about it in class and I remember wondering if I really wanted children when I grew up as young as 12. Such an important decision is something that is not taken lightly by any woman (feminist or not) and will never be decided on the advice from online strangers. It’s especially galling that some of the most condescending and demanding bloggers on this topic also post things that reveal that they are young and lack life experience. Obviously that doesn’t mean they’re wrong, but it definitely means they have no right to talk down to women old enough to be their mothers that often have firsthand experience with what to them is political theory.

The risks of heterosexual relationships are well known, I mean who the fuck has never heard of domestic violence by adolescence? If a woman interested enough in gender critical or radical feminism to blog about it in her spare time decides to enter an intimate relationship with a man and/or have children with him it won’t be because she’s ignorant about domestic violence or how hard child rearing can be. I trust myself and other women to make hard choices and manage risks in our own lives.

It is entirely possible for individuals to know and understand the same information and still make different choices. Someone disagreeing with you or making different decisions does not necessarily mean that one of you is right and the other one is stupid. That style of black and white thinking is unhelpful and untrue, people’s opinions and decisions depend on the individual circumstances of their life, about which you know next to nothing. It’s beyond time to retire the smug ‘I always know best’ attitude and acknowledge the shades of grey.

[ellesliterarycorner]

Choosing Beta Readers

After months of 4a.m writing sessions, too many coffees to count, and a plethora of plot holes, you’ve actually done it! You finished your book! Congratulations! I cannot relate to you, but congratulations! Now that you have finished your marvelous masterpiece, what is the next step? Well, a lot of people rely on beta readers to read their book and give constructive feedback. I actually did a round of beta readers last year for one of my old WIPs. And while in the end it was helpful, it was also a great learning experience on what not to do when choosing people to read your book. So, here are some tips on choosing beta readers!

The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth

Do you need your beta readers to swear in court that they’ll be honest? I mean, no probably not. But, a good beta reader has to be able provide you with honest feedback, even if it’s not good. Sometimes that can be hard for the people close to you. You may not want to hear criticism from your friends and family, and your friends and family may have a hard time seeing any of the flaws in your work. That’s why it’s normally best to seek beta readers outside of your close circle of friends and family, and look for people who will be able to give you objective feedback. This can include people you’ve meet in writer’s forums online, any bootcamp or class you’ve been in, or even people you’ve met in the writing community online. At the same time, still let your mom and friends read your work if you feel comfortable for it. Chances are they’ll think it’s pretty great that you were even able to write a whole book. Enjoy the praise that they give you. You deserve it!

Do You Even Like Fantasy Books?

I personally love fantasy books. I have beta read for fantasy books in the past, and I love it because I pretty much only read fantasy books with the occasional science fiction or dystopian book thrown in there. Personally, I know that I would be an absolutely horrible beta reader for a mystery book. I don’t really like mystery-heist books. They’re just not for me, and I wouldn’t want to beta read for one because my general dislike of them would taint my ability to beta read objectively. Realistically speaking, beta readers should be people in your target audience. People who, if you were to actually publish your book, would be the most likely to buy it and enjoy it. If you’re writing a romance novel, don’t ask someone who has only ever read non-fiction books to beta read. You would want someone familiar with the genre, so you can focus on improving your manuscript to fit the needs and wants of your target audience.

What’s Your Ethos?

Ah, ethos, logos, and pathos. The bane of my junior year English class existence. Basically, those are like the three rhetorical approaches. Ethos is your credibility or credentials to provide advice or expertise on a subject. Just as you wouldn’t want a non-fiction reader to beta read your romance novel, you also don’t want someone who has never read a book before to beta read your novel. That may seem like a pretty obvious thing, but it’s always good to clarify. They don’t have to have necessarily beta read before, but you want to make sure that they are a regular reader of a books or a regular writer of books. In the past when submitting applications to beta read, I’ve had to put down my Goodreads account to show that I have reviewed books before. I really learned this lesson the hard way when I did my round of beta readers last year. I got a lot of people who didn’t really have the expertise I needed to make my story better! The end goal of a round of successful beta reading is good feedback that you can use for your story, and you want credible beta readers with trustworthy opinions to achieve that! 

Elle’s Bonus Tip: Don’t Take it to Heart

Another, lesson I learned the hard way from my semi-failed round of beta reading. While as writers it is very important to understand that nothing we write is perfect, you also have to understand when the feedback or advice people give you is absolutely ludicrous and unfounded. One particular beta reader I had gave me scathing advice, making it clear that I should never write again, and she really really didn’t like what I had written. That really shook my confidence in my writing. I knew my story wasn’t great, but I at least thought it was pretty decent. Then I went back and read over her feedback and saw that not once did she actually point out particular instances of what she didn’t like or even try to give a little advice on how to fix it. She just said she hated it. Feedback like that you should never take to heart, and you should actually probably throw it out. If someone raises a genuine concern with your novel, then you should heed it, but we never listen to the haters!