#bc I kinda want it to be like you can read any chapter on its own so how would I make it work...

[sheepie-self-ships]

I want. to make aqua.bats fic... but the question lies in should i separate the romantic storyline from the platonic shenanigans or do I just throw them into the same fic...

[tightjeansjavi]

Slow Hands | Chapter 3 “trust me to trust you”

A/N: I sat on this story for awhile as I’m already figuring out how I want to develop the plot. I can tell this is going to turn into another passion project for me as I love the idea of post!outbreak domestic Joel and finding love in his late age. This chapter you get a little glimpse into what outbreak day was like for Beanie. Please remember that the nature of this fic will have dark themes. I will mark the warnings appropriately, but please read with caution. 🖤

~word count: 5.2k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! Reader

Summary: early winter mornings, fear of the past, a felt fawn, and Maria’s egg casserole.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence from outbreak day, mentions of loss, carnage, brink of death, depictions of a knife wound, PTSD, panic attacks, trigger responses, mentions of a firearm, I am no expert on the subject but I have done some research as I know it’s a delicate topic, angst, Joel is struggling to adjust to living a domestic life, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, grumpy old man! Joel, shy! Joel, kinda mean! Joel, sunshine reader, flirting, fluff, awkward situations, reminiscing on the past, reader has no physical descriptions and is from Texas, reader has a nickname (beanie bc y’know coffee beans) no age gap, vulgar language, slow burn, this is a fic that takes place post-outbreak so please keep in mind that there will be dark/triggering themes, but to also remember that it is not the main plot line for the story. Please read with caution. (+18) minors dni!

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

It had been over 20 years since outbreak day, when your world and life as you once knew it, turned to flames and ash before the frightened whites of your eyes. Your coffee shop, Cuppa Smiles, was your little slice of heaven. You had put so much love, dedication, and passion into your establishment. Your coworkers were friends from college that were just looking for a change of pace from their 9-5’s just like the next person.

They all tried to kill you, whatever they were now. It had happened all so fast, and even now on the quietest of nights, you could still hear their snarls and animalistic growls. You could still remember the frightened screams, the chaos and destruction as a Boeing 747 collided into the earth and burst into flames, debris falling from the explosion, hitting those who were fleeing, and those who were no longer living. You remember tumbling along the concrete, rolling like a sack of potatoes as you struggled to breathe. To your direct left was a truck flipped over on its side.

Through the harsh ringing in your ears, you could make out two male voices on the other side of the truck. The one man was holding a young girl to his chest who couldn’t be more than 12-13 years old.

“I’m sorry, baby, I know, I know.” The man’s tone was urgent, rushed and laced with fear as he held his daughter close.

“We gotta get off the street!” The other man shouted desperately.

“Tommy!”

“Head to the river! I’ll find a way. Get her outta here, Joel! Go!”

Joel.

Joel.

Joel..Miller?

The last time you saw Joel Miller, all you could remember was the fear in his eyes, before everything around you went black.

When Tommy and Maria Miller discovered you on the outskirts of Jackson, looking like you were all skin and bones as you slipped off your horse's saddle and into the cool dirt. Your body was exhausted, your resources were spent and now you just hoped that you would die peacefully. That was until a strong pair of arms were gently lifting you from the dirt as your body laid like a limp fish.

“D’ya think she’s still breathin?’” Tommy asked his wife as she was quickly checking your pulse.

“Barely. She must have been riding for days out in this heat.”

“She showin’ any signs of bein’ infected?” Tommy knew the protocol of bringing in stragglers from outside Jackson, and if you were found to be infected..

Maria made quick work to check your body for any signs of a bite mark. She took sudden interest in a large bloodstain through the tattered fabric of your shirt. She gently lifted the fabric from the hem to discover a gruesome sight. What appeared to be done by the work of a sharp blade was a long semi deep, gnarly gash carving from your abdomen, up your torso, curving under your left breast and wrapped around your ribcage to your left shoulder blade.

“Fuckin’ hell. Someone tried to carve her up?” Tommy asked in disbelief as his wife gently pulled the hem of your shirt back down.

“Raiders, no doubt. She’s not infected. I can’t find any bite marks, but one thing’s for certain though, this woman has been through some hell.”

It was well over an hour till sunrise when Joel Miller lumbered out of his home, shovel in hand and bundled up fiercely in multiple thick layers to protect his skin from the harsh biting cold. His plan was simple, head over to your house down the street, shovel your walkway, and ask you to accompany him to breakfast. It really was quite simple, but despite that he was running a script over in his mind on exactly what he wanted to say to you.

Hey Beanie, was wonderin’ if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?

Wait..what if she declines? Then what are you gonna say?

Uhh..

Oh, well that’s alright! Maybe another time? No pressure or nothin.’

What if..she thinks it’s strange that you’re shoveling her walkway at the crack ass of dawn?

Jus’ doin’ my neighborly duty. Besides, it’s jus’ a friendly favor, y’know cause we’re friends?

I sound like an idiot.

Maybe I should just..start off with saying good morning?

I’m hopeless.

Joel grumbled to himself as he trudged through the snow. The whipping wind bit at his exposed skin but he welcomed the chill without a complaint. The harsh elements were just another reminder that he was still alive and breathing.

The outside of your home was just as he expected it to be, quaint, yet quirky. He imagined that in the summer months your front porch would be scattered with flowers and plants. The mailbox just outside your gate was crooked and could definitely use a fresh coat of paint, and the wooden gate was a little creaky, but nothing he couldn’t easily fix. He was already making a little mental note of everything he wanted to fix on, and around your home.

The snow was a few inches deep, it stopped just below the top of his boots. His back already screamed a dull pain up his spine as he bent down with the shovel and got to work. The pain he felt in his muscles was just another reminder that he was still alive.

He gritted his teeth together, jaw clenched as he worked through the first section of your covered walkway.

You never considered yourself to be a heavy sleeper even before the apocalypse. A door slamming, or pots clinking in the kitchen sink at your long since abandoned apartment was all it took to stir you from your slumber. Now, even in the safety of Jackson, your brain was always ticking. What could be lurking behind that dark shadow across the street? Realistically, nothing. It’s just your brain playing a dirty trick on you. A branch outside your window snaps, it’s just the wind. It’s just the wind because it’s storming out, and a strong wind can break even the sturdiest of branches. That noise you heard in the dead of the night? It was just an animal. Maybe a raccoon or a screech from a barn owl. It wasn’t a clicker. You were safe, so why couldn’t your brain just..turn off? Why was it still stuck in this survival mode when nothing inside Jackson’s strong walls could hurt you.

This sound in particular was different. It was unfamiliar, and unfamiliar meant danger. Scraping, grunts, more scraping; man. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing up as you shot out of bed like a bat out of hell. You kept your shotgun next to your bed because well..you could never be too careful. You never had a reason to use it, but it brought you some form of comfort that you didn’t realize you so desperately needed until Tommy experienced your triggers firsthand when he had accidentally snuck up on you while your back was turned to him behind the counter of your shop. The last time he had seen fear struck that deep inside one person, was the night Sarah died in Joel’s arms. So, Tommy lended you a shotgun as an apology.

He’s out there. He’s trying to get me. I have to run. I have to hide. He’s found me and he—he’s going to take me away.

Your brain was screaming at you as you crept down the steps. Every step you took you feared would be your last. It had been sometime since you experienced an episode as severe as this one. Other times you were able to talk yourself back down to logic. Sometimes you’d resort to unbridled violence, usually on a sack of sugar. This time, you felt as if you had no control over your body's current state. It was as if you were reliving—

Joel had his bad ear facing towards your front door. Between the pain in his back, and the scraping of the metal shovel along the concrete, he wasn’t able to detect the front door creaking open.

His back was facing you as you shakily pointed the barrel of your gun at what you thought was an intruder. Due to the low light from the sun barely peeking over the mountains, all you saw was a darkened figure bent over in the middle of your walkway. Had it been brighter out, perhaps you would have recognized the lone figure to be Joel.

Your ears were ringing loudly as the inner voice inside of your brain was demanding you to shoot. Shoot him and then run, and never look back. Your breath grew shallow as the figure slowly turned around to start on the next snow patch..and then immediately froze.

Joel dropped the shovel with a heavy clank as he slowly raised his hands above his head to show you that he was no immediate threat to your safety. “Beanie? Hey, it’s alright darlin’ it’s just me.”

He’s lying

Your entire body was trembling at the top of the steps as Joel hesitantly took a few steps forward. “Darlin?’” I’m gonna need you to lower the gun now, okay? You’re safe. It’s just me. Nothin’ out here is goin’ to hurt you.” He spoke softly, yet firmly. He kept his hands where you could see them in direct view. He was close enough now that even in the low light, he could see the frightened whites of your eyes as you stood there, unblinking.

“I’m goin’ to take another step towards you, okay? Please don’t shoot me.”

Don’t trust him. He’s one of them. He’s here to hurt you. He’s playing a trick on you.

“Joel?” You stuttered shakily as you finally found your voice.

His heart sunk deep into the pit of his stomach when he picked up on just how terrified you were. He knew it wasn’t directly because of him. Something had happened to you, he knew the look on your face all too well, and it was a good thing he knew how to act calm in a dire situation such as this one.

“Yes, it’s Joel. It’s just me darlin.’” He responded as he took another step towards the foot of the steps leading up to your front porch.

“D—don’t come any closer, please.” You uttered just barely above a whisper as you kept the barrel of your gun trained on him.

“Okay. I won’t come any closer, but I need you to trust me to trust you. Do you understand what I’m saying to you Beanie?” He was careful with his choice of words. Anything too sudden might end up with him potentially getting a bullet to the arm or thigh. Not the chest, please. He silently thought to himself.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I trust you to not shoot me, so I need you to trust me to approach you. Okay? We can do this in baby steps. I just really need you to lower the gun, okay?” His eyes locked on yours as he gave you a reassuring nod.

You blinked a few times as your hands shakily lowered the barrel of the shotgun to the floorboards. Something in you suddenly clicked as the realization of what you had just done, more-so almost done, hit you like a freight train and suddenly you were crumbling right before his eyes.

He let out a visible sigh of relief when your gun was no longer aimed at him, but as soon as your body crumbled to the ground, he jumped into action. His gloved hands were gently wrapped around your shoulders as he spoke softly, yet urgently to you. “Beanie? Hey, you’re alright. You’re alright. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re safe.” He felt like in those crucial moments it was necessary that he repeat himself just in case you didn’t hear him the first time.

Your eyes were frantically searching his own, pupils dilating under the low light that the early winter morning sky had to offer. He was holding your shoulders so delicately, as if you were fine bone china that would shatter just upon glancing at it. He could feel your muscles trembling under his loose grip. He could feel a hint of anger bubbling in the deep pit of his stomach. The same anger he experienced when he found Ellie— “d’ya..wanna take some deep breaths with me maybe? Or we could count? Sometimes I try’n pick a spot on the wall or somethin’ or count the steps it takes me to get from point A to point B. S’not the best method, but it helps bring me back down to earth.” His tone was so soft, sincere and genuine. If you weren’t such an emotional fucked up wreck, your heart would be melting into a puddle by now.

“Joel..I’m so sorry I-I—didn’t know it was you. I thought you—I thought..” You struggled to articulate a cohesive sentence as his espresso brown eyes bore into yours. He gave you a reassuring nod, and a gentle squeeze along your shoulders.

“Hey, it’s alright. I know you weren’t g’nna shoot me. You were just frightened. Your mind was probably playin’ some trick on you.” He murmured as his thumb was gently stroking back and forth across the fabric of your pajamas on your shoulders. “Y’sure you don’t wanna count?”

“Does..it actually help?” You whispered timidly.

“Sometimes..all depends on what it is that’s triggerin’ me.” He softly responded

“Can you start..please?”

“Course I can darlin.’ We’ll start at Ten.”

“Nine.”

“Eight.”

“Seven..”

“Six.”

“Five..”

“Four.”

“Three..”

“Two.”

“One.” You murmured in unison.

“Y’feel alright with me helpin’ you up? We can stay down here. S’alright with me.” His arms were fully enclosed around you now. He smelled better than you expected. Of course it helped that Jackson had an abundance of hygiene products available; soap being at the top of the list. He smelled earthy, rugged with a hint of minty freshness..toothpaste maybe.

“I really wasn’t going to shoot you..something just came over me and..I couldn’t stop myself.” You admitted softly.

“Would have been real hard for you to shoot me with the safety on darlin.’” He stifled a chuckle as he could see from the angle he was crouched down at, the safety on your rifle was in fact on. “Who gave you that rifle anyway? Someone outta teach ya to use it..never can be too careful.”

“Tommy gave it to me a few years back.”

“Ah. That does sound like somethin’ my brother would do.” He slowly stood to his feet as he offered you his gloved hand to help you up. “These floorboards are pretty damn wobbly. I can take a look at them when it ain’t so cold out? They probably started warpin’ from the changes in the weather. Might have a few boards that are rotted out.”

“Anything else you wanna fix on my house?” You teasingly asked as you grasped his hand, allowing him to help you up from the current sitting position you were in.

“Honey, I’ve got a whole mental list goin’ on in my head right now. The flood boards could end up bein’ a safety hazard if I don’t check ‘em sooner, rather than later. Your mailbox could use some sprucin’ up. Nothing a bit of paint can’t fix, and your gate is a little crooked. I’d uh—I’d be happy to do it though.” He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously with a sheepish look on his face.

“A whole list, huh? Is that why you were over here at the crack ass of dawn?” There was a ghost of a smile on your lips as you wrapped your arms around your chest to block out the bitter chill.

“Well, I gotta put my carpenter skills to good use somehow, right? Actually..I just woke up this mornin’ and wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya. Y’know after you came over and returned the mug..plus, I couldn’t really sleep all that much. I rarely do these days. Anyway, I’m ramblin’ yet again. The main reason I shoveled your walkway is cus’ I was goin’ to ask you if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?” His face was flushed, and his cheeks were rosy, but he was certain it wasn’t because of the biting chill.

“You came all this way to shovel my walkway, and find an excuse to ask me out to breakfast?” You couldn’t help the smile that was slowly forming over your lips. It was crazy to think that just five minutes ago you were a complete cluster fuck of an emotional wreck, and now you were smiling like a fool because Joel Miller was proving to you that even in an apocalypse, chivalry was alive and well.

He ignored your question, at first. It wasn’t on purpose, he just was more tuned into your active shivering, and the way you tightened your arms across your chest in a weak attempt to block out the early morning chill.

“Are ya cold?” He asked with a soft rasp. He didn’t allow you the chance to answer as he was already slipping his warm suede jacket off and placing it over your shoulders.

“Thank you..” you whispered in a soft response.

“Of course. I’d feel pretty fuckin’ shitty if I caused ya to catch a cold out here.”

“And I’ll feel the same exact way if you catch one as well. Do you..want to come inside? I can put a fresh pot on?” You were already gesturing to your front door with a soft tilt of your chin in that direction.

“Let me just finish up with your walkway, and then I’d love to join you for a cup of coffee.” He was already heading down the steps to grab his discarded shovel.

“Wait! Joel, your jacket? Don’t you want it back?”

He glanced over his shoulder at you with a tiny grin playing on his lips. “Nah, s’alright darlin.’ The cold ain’t real botherin’ me anyway. Now please, go inside before you actually catch a cold.”

You weren’t one to argue at this early in the morning, and especially when you had yet to indulge in your cup of coffee. You slowly bent down and picked up your rifle and slung the strap over your shoulder before heading back inside. As soon as Joel heard the click of your front door closing, he continued on with shoveling the rest of your walkway.

The coffee grounds were just beginning to steep when he had quietly entered your home. He politely left his boots along the doormat next to yours. He didn’t want to be a rude houseguest and track in any snow. The first thing he noticed about your interior style was that you were anything but a minimalist. You had all sorts of picture frames hanging on the wall. Some were photographs but the others were paintings. Realism, portraits, landscapes, anything your heart desires, you painted it.

He especially took interest in all your knick knacks that were scattered in a clay bowl on the table in the entryway. Old keys, coins, lighters and paper matchboxes. Figurines, tiny porcelain coffee cups. The pads of his fingers brushed over a tiny felt fawn that was sitting atop of all the ‘clutter.’

“Ah. I see you found my bowl of treasures? Well, some people would probably call them junk, but I’ve always been a collector of oddities. Although, I wouldn’t really call them oddities. I think the proper term would be keepsakes?” You had two mugs of steaming coffee in your hands as you approached him. His jacket was still loosely hanging off of your shoulders as he looked over at you.

“Where did you find all of these treasures? Have you been collectin’ them through the years? Ellie’s obsessed with this kinda stuff.” He set the little felt fawn down gently as he reached for the coffee mug. Your fingers gently brushed against one another as he gingerly removed the mug from your hand. “Thank you, by the way. For uh, the coffee.”

“For the most part I have found all of these pieces on my own. Tommy actually found that felt fawn a few months ago. He knew it would bring a smile to my face. Do you want to take it home? I’m sure Ellie would love it. That’s kinda the whole concept of the bowl y’know? When I have guests over, I want them to pick something from it that really speaks to them. As you can see the bowl is quite full, considering I don’t get much company around here.” You brought the rim of your mug to your lips, softly blowing on the rising steam before you took a cautious slow sip.

“Oh, I couldn’t do that Beanie. I don’t wanna take somethin’ from ya that makes ya smile. That was awfully nice of my brother. Y’guys pretty close then?” He was gently leaning his weight back against the edge of the table, ankles crossed as he took a small sip from his own mug. For a split second you couldn’t help but feel the soothing domesticity from the moment you were sharing. Joel’s thick woolen socks, his flushed cheeks from the cold paired with his coat resting along your shoulders. There was something so tender to it all.

“Joel, I insist. Please, take the fawn and give it to your kid. I even have a little box for it so it looks like it’s a present. I’m sure she’ll love it. Anyway, Tommy and I are close. I suppose you could lay it out that way? I owe my life to him and Maria..they were the ones who took me in. I haven’t been outside Jackson since.”

“‘Course you got a little box for it and everythin.’ Alright, I’ll give it to El. You haven’t been outside Jackson in that long?..” He asked with genuine curiosity. He didn’t want to come across like he was prying either. He wanted you to open up to him not because he forced you to, but because you felt comfortable enough around him to show your vulnerabilities.

“I’ve only been outside the town one another time and that was when we found the coffee bean plants in the Colorado nursery. Tommy and Maria were with me of course and—” You paused, remembering how freaked out they were when you started to panic out of the blue. Neither of them could calm you down, and you passed out in Tommy’s arms.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anythin’ you don’t wanna tell me, alright?” He reached his freehand out and gently placed it along the side of your wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Let me..go get that box for Ellie’s fawn. Did you still want to do breakfast?” You set your mug along the table, you had barely touched it.

“If you’d like to. I’d thoroughly enjoy your company, and you ain’t lived till you’ve tried Maria’s egg casserole, darlin.’” He was grinning boyishly over the rim of his mug.

Man, was he handsome.

“Sounds like her egg casserole is to die for then. I’ll just grab that box, and then get dressed. You alright with hanging out here by yourself for a few minutes?”

“I think I can find a way to keep myself entertained till then.” He assured you.

“Perfect.”

Joel waited until you had disappeared upstairs before he let out a deep sigh as he looked down at the little felt fawn. His brow furrowed as he was deep in thought over what had possibly happened to you when you went outside Jackson with Tommy and Maria. He could connect the dots and piece the puzzle together, and the blaring answer was something bad had happened. What exactly? Now, that was going to take a little bit of time.

You came back downstairs a few minutes later. Dressed in some worn out jeans and a sweater made of pure sheep’s wool. Joel’s jacket was resting along the crook of your arm as you handed him a little felt box that went along with the fawn.

“Keep my jacket. I’ve got plenty at home.” Was the first thing that he uttered as he took the felt box from you and gently placed the fawn figurine inside before tucking it safely away in his pocket.

“Joel, I can’t do that. I’ve got plenty of jackets here as well.”

He wanted to tell you to keep it because he liked the way it looked on you. He kept those thoughts to himself for the time being.

“Alright, I won’t fight ya on it.” He shrugged.

“Good, cause you’ll lose every single time you try.” There was a playful edge to your tone as you placed the jacket back around his shoulders.

“Is that a challenge?” He mused, with his eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Nope. It’s facts.” You grinned.

Yeah, we’ll see about that.

More of Jackson’s residents began to emerge from their homesteads at the shrill sound of the breakfast bell chiming from the mess hall. Joel had respectfully offered you his arm as you descended down the porch steps, and past your crooked gate. You obliged to his offer, wrapping your gloved hand around the crook of his elbow.

You had never felt so many pairs of eyes on you since living in Jackson. Curious, envious, surprised, disgusted? Those were the types of looks you encountered from a handful of Jackson’s residents. The looks you received were mostly from women, and even though the world had ended, jealousy was still brewing.

It wasn’t everyday that Joel Miller came strolling into the mess hall with a pretty thing on his arm. You stood out like two sore thumbs, but it seemed like neither of you were paying much mind to it. Joel was used to the stares. People around here didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that he was Tommy’s older brother and Ellie was..like a daughter to him. They’d see the scars on his hands and arms and split like a sundae. He’d hear the whisperings of who he was, where he came from, and he’d shrug it all off. He much preferred keeping his family close, and everyone else at an arm's reach. He secretly relished in remaining a mystery to most.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Tommy spoke in a surprised tone as you and Joel approached the table that he and Maria were currently seated at. “Ya finally get Beanie outta her coffee shell?”

“It appears that I did. Told her about Maria’s egg casserole and she was sold instantly.” Joel reached over and gave his brother a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Ellie stroll through here yet?”

“She came in a few minutes ago with Dina. There sittin’ with their friends ov’there.” Tommy gestured with the end of his fork.

“Thanks. Got somethin’ I wanna give t’her.” He turned towards you then and gave you a reassuring smile. “Why don’t ya go and grab yourself a plate. I’ll come sit with ya in a minute.”

“Do you want me to grab you a plate as well?..”

“You’re a real doll. Thank you, that would be great.” He gave his brother a slight nod before he was sauntering away to where Ellie was sitting. Her and Dina were sitting side by side, shoulders touching.

“Hey, kiddo.” Joel murmured softly.

“Hey, Joel.” Ellie responded, not looking up from her plate. Things between them were..rocky to put it nicely. She loved her dad of course, and after what happened yesterday she thought she’d be okay, but the truth was she wasn’t.

“I uh—don’t mean to bother you and Dina or nothin.’ Jus’ wanted to give this to you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box and placed it down in front of her. “Beanies got this collection of treasures and I saw this..little fawn, and immediately thought of you kiddo.”

Why can’t I just be good with my words for once in my fuckin’ life?

Ellie could feel tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she gently lifted the lid off the box to reveal the little felt deer encased inside. This small gesture meant more than Joel would ever realize..but Ellie kept her poker face strong.

“Thanks, Joel.”

His heart dipped and sunk like dry sand becoming wet and weighed down from tumultuous waves crashing upon the shore. It was a small step in what he hoped was the direction of forgiveness.

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” He cleared his throat before he ambled away back to the table where the rest of his family were sitting. He had only known you for less than twenty four hours, and he already thought of you as family. He didn’t count all the times before outbreak day only because that part of himself had died along with Sarah. Or, so he thought.

“El..he’s trying at least.” Dina was resting her chin along Ellie’s shoulder as they were both gazing down at the little felt fawn.

“He is.” Ellie murmured softly.

Joel took a seat across from you as you were sitting next to Maria, gushing over her egg casserole, and how Joel was absolutely right about you not living until you tried it.

He thought you looked so pretty with a soft smile on your face as you looked at Maria with genuine adoration.

At nightfall, Joel, Tommy and a few other men were out patrolling. With the winter being so harsh, there were more chances of man wandering through these parts. Stragglers were one thing, raiders? That was a whole other story. Joel and Tommy took to the east on horseback. The longer winter night was dead silent. There was no howling wind to whip against the bone dry branches. No low hoot from an owl. It was quiet, too quiet. Even the horse’s hooves were nearly undetectable from how soft and careful they were stepping into the snow.

The only light source they had was the brightly lit moon shining in the jet-black sky. The stars scattered about weren’t nearly as brilliant as the moon.

Joel broke through the silence as he adjusted the strap of his rifle over his shoulder. “Tommy?..” he started, “do you know what happened to Beanie?..”

Tommy let out a huff of air as the bitter cold burned his lungs. He averted making eye contact with his brother before he was met with no other choice but to finally make eye contact with him. “It ain’t my place to tell you that, brother. I’m sorry.” He sounded defeated with his words because he didn’t want to keep anything hidden from Joel. Not after all those years they had spent apart from one another.

“You better give me a real fuckin’ reason why you can’t tell me. Tommy, she nearly fuckin’ shot me this mornin’ because she thought I was a threat. That I was a danger to her life. You can’t tell me anythin?’” Joel whispered back, harsher than he had wanted but he didn’t like being left out of the loop.

“Joel,” Tommy hissed under his breath, “Even if I knew the exact details of what that woman went through, I wouldn’t be able to disclose them to you.”

“Why the hell not?” Joel quipped back.

“Because, because..she ain’t got’a fuckin’ clue about what happened to herself either, Joel.”

What?

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I will be getting rid of my tag lists in the near future and making a separate account for just my fics. I’ll be making this announcement soon!

Chapter 4:

[shiny-jr]

pardon my late message i've been letting letting the current damnation chapters sink in the past couple of days after finally taking the quiz (im am still waiting with baited breath but like in a chill way for the rest) but HOLY. MOLY.

i did indeed notice that the MC's have different morality stances, and they match their crimes (granted im still trying to figure out which one did what. cuz rn i got stuck on iago coming fraud or tax evasion, even though theyre super down with murder, but like raven is WAY more down to murder somebody. im just nit paying enough attention to figure it out, really. im having too much fun vibin)

2 THE WAY THE CHARACTERS MAY NOT START OUT ENTIRELY YANDERE FOR THE MC AND INSTEAD DEVELOP THE OBSESSION FOR THEM LATER ON 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌😭😭😭😭😭 BRILLIANTBRILLIANTBRILLIANT. ok so i got heartslabyul on my first attempt so it wasnt as like "obvious" even though trey and cater are both instantly "shocked" i was like "that could just be bc our character is weird it doesnt necessarily mean they yandere switch has been flipped pshaw! 🤭" BUT THEN eventually i got to pomfiore and epel confirmed it when he was like "ive been imagining things i never did before!" and i was like "oh snap! WAIT is *THIS* part of the punishment? like not JUST being sent to another world that is based on a story, but specifically a YANDERE DEATH TRAP? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯"

cuz like, sure, the MC is doing what they can to survive but depending on which one theyre fine to just vibe and let the story take its course if theyve got a good chance to survive not doing anything special. but then the story always gets WEIRD, RIGHT?! stuff always goes wrong! was that part of the vision? or am i going conspiracy crazy?

anyway AMAZING WORK. also you really fed the vil simps on that one story. i thought i was over him and content to be like rook and admire from afar but that SCENE with his hands wrapped around the retainer 🥵 i darn near short-circuited. HOW DARE YOU! (please continue 😉)

its hard to choose a favorite story in this series and i dont want to speak too soon before theyre all out. but i do have favorite bits in each of them.

and i just love the endings to them all. i love the bittersweet nature of all the endings. like none, of them are really romantic in a comforting way (duh its a yandere story) but they do vary in romance level. like by far i think riddle's azul's and vil's are the most romantic while leona and jamil are quite cold and calculating or in jamil's case mostly possessive and manipulative on the surface. it's VERY interesting.

and also bc im silly and you brought up the yandere-ness of the other characters, i start to wonder what happens next in these stories (im not asking for sequels. oh heavens no! never! unless you wanted to, but im mostly just brainstorming character relationships and potential conflicts). like in the savannaclaw story, ruggie and jack are also glued to the MC but not in a really romantic way? ruggie has that "i want to be your #2/by your side forever" which could go either way, but to me initially reads as "jack was pushing his way into MY spot and i want to guarantee he cant have it" rather than a "one day i'll deserve to be by your side romantically and for now i want to ensure i'll always have that opportunity by being next to you and a priority of yours" and then comes leona's proposal at the end, and i was thinking "uhhh but mc is by your side as consort, then ruggie gets pushed out of his spot in favor of the husband taking over. even though ruggie could still be an advisor and confidant, its still like 'move over dude theres another taking priority over you" and then that gets me wondering "what would happen if MC turned down leona? what kinda havoc would he wreak if any? does that put the village in jeopardy if he gets pissed off? what if they accept and they're STILL screwed bc he stops paying attention to the village after he gets the throne? and then the chieftain is taken into the palace and away from the village and has no way back and theyre left to basically flounder without them?"

also i really like how you end your stories with pseudo-cliffhangers? i mean they are but also the plot is mostly resolved and whatever major things that needed to happen happened. and its just the character resolutions and epilogues you dont see. its entertaining. like i said, i like to imagine what happens next and you really leave some stuff open for that.

anyway! thank you so much for sharing your stories!

Oh, for the crimes, just look at one of the questions which I believe asks what you (the quiz taker/MC) committed. Those are currently five of the seven crimes I've listed before, and each MC has committed at least ONE of them. But, they could've always committed more too.

On that other topic, of characters going yandere, one thing I hate is when reading a story and for some reason the characters are already obsessed with the MC but for absolutely no apparent reason. And me personally, I enjoy a bit of build up, which is why I try to implement some in my writing. Which can be a bit hard to do within forty pages when all these other things are happening, but I manage for the most part.

[aphroditesbaby1616]

The Bear & His Honey Chapter 7 -

Inspo: Lyrics - False God (TS) ; “We might just get away with it, religions in your lips, even if it’s a False God - We’d still worship.”  ***18+ ONLY FIC - NO MINORS ALLOWED*** Summary: Winnie readys her apartment to hang out with Carm for the first time. She pulls out all the stops, fresh sheets, a massage candle, wine. Things get hot and heavy in the bedroom, as well as the shower. Carmen experiences being taken care of for the very first time. Late-night pizza ensues.  W/C: 7,894 Posted Date: 02/18/2024 A/N: Hellooo! Ugh ok so I’m starting this on the weekend because I can NOT bring myself to write hard porn at work LMAO so that should tell you something about how this chapter is going to be. I wish soo bad that I could stick a USB in my brain and download the scenes I create in my head when i’m falling asleep bc they’re soooo juicyyyy ugh. I hope you all like this!! I don’t think at first with a partner Carm would be a confident dom because he hasn’t had much time for that kind of play- but with the right kind of partner she would reel the dominance out of him which I hope I displayed that here!!  Warnings for BTC: Drinking, Swearing, Smut (p in v, face sitting, oral (m&f giving&recieving), shower sex, cum play (kinda)), spanking, Fluff 

︵‿︵‿୨♡ 𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝙈𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚！ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

→ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞!

₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽

Winnie’s P.O.V. - 

I unlocked the door to my apartment quickly, knowing I wanted to do multiple things before Carm arrived. “Hey baby” I coo to Persephone who was waiting by the door. She meows at me repeatedly as if she's going ‘Mom! Where did you go?! Why do you keep leaving me!! What happened to reading after work?!’ Whilst I took my phone out of my purse and quickly sent Carm a text containing my floor and apartment number.

“I knowww, I know!” I told her as I unbuckled my heels and slipped them off, scooping them up and heading to my room. Persephone makes quick work of weaving in between my legs as I walk causing me to giggle. “What! You already ate Miss!” I told her and dumped my shoes off in my closet, taking off my simple studded pearl earrings and dumping them into my Hello Kitty jewelry dish sitting atop my dresser.

Sephy jumped up onto the bed, watching as I untied my hair bow and I walked over, waving it around in front of her, to which she rolled on her back attacking it with her feet causing me to giggle. “Missy! I have work to do! We have a guest coming in a few hours! It’s Carmen! Oh my god, I haven’t had a boy over in so long!” I giggled like a schoolgirl, so giddy this was happening. I dropped the ribbon on her belly for her to play with and went off to the kitchen, taking out a clear pink wine glass from my cabinet and setting it down on the counter before uncorking a bottle of red wine from the fridge and pouring myself a big glass.

I put the wine back in its spot, and took a big sip, going and setting it in the bathroom for myself before heading back into the bedroom where Persephone was still fighting with my ribbon atop my bed. “C’mon,” I grunt playfully as I pick her up causing her to meow in annoyance. “Let’s go fluff-a-butt, I need fresh sheets,” I told her and put her down gently on the couch before heading to the linen closet grabbing a fresh pair of lavender jersey sheets, and heading back to the bedroom. 

I made quick work of undressing my bed and redressing it. Before I put the duvet back on, I got my ‘Fairy Dust’ from lush that smelt like honeysuckle, and gently sprinkled it over the sheets. This way, when Carmen is in the sun after he leaves my bed- he will glow, and any girl with a mind will know that he has one already. It was not at all noticeable inside, only in direct sunlight or a flashlight was directly over it, so he wouldn’t ever know my territorial tricks. 

I also sprayed some honey lavender relaxing bed mist before putting on the duvet and making sure I got a few sprays on there as well. I rearranged my many throw pillows and a glorious thought hits my brain- that massage oil candle I haven’t used. I giggled to myself as I practically bounced over to my closet, rummaging through one of my many doom boxes before I found it. “Yes!” I whisper to myself and put all the other contents back away in the closet, shutting the door.

I lit the candle on my nightstand, knowing it would need an hour or so to burn until there was enough oil for a decent massage, and checked the time, perfect, still just over an hour until he was supposed to be here. I undressed quickly and went to my bathroom taking off my makeup and putting my hair up into a messy knot to shower. I down the rest of my wine before jumping into the steaming water, scrubbing down my body, and grabbing my razor. Most of the shower was spent shaving myself to maximum softness, and then exfoliating myself until I was essentially a new human when I got out. 

I dried off quickly, dumping my dirty clothes in my hamper as well as my towel before running into my bedroom and slipping on a pair of black cheeky panties with little kiss marks patterned because a full-out lingerie set would seem desperate - right? I open my dresser draw, pulled out a ribbed light grey baby tank that I knew made my boobs look amazing without a bra on, and chucked it on my bed and then found some loose-fitting Hello Kitty printed pajama bottoms that I threw on the bed as well. 

₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽

I was on the couch, trying my best to read my book after my second glass of wine, when I heard a light knock at the door and Persephone sat up from her position next to me, confused as to who would be here at this hour. I feel my heart start to thump in my chest, sitting up and putting my book down I got up, shuffling over to the door in my pink bear paw slippers. I look through the peephole and see Carm leaned against the wall and smiled, unlocking and opening the door quickly. 

“Hey you!” I said and he smiled upon seeing me, his hair still slightly damp from his shower. “Hey” he said and stepped forward, I wrap my arms around him and give him a passionate kiss, gently playing with his damp girls between my fingers and pulling him inside, shutting the door with my foot and leaning against the door as he pressed me against it, tugging lightly at the hair. 

He pulls away and kisses from my chin down my neck, around my collar bones and biting gently causing me to giggle “Carmen!” I gasp a bit at the sensation as he settles his nose in the hill of my breasts and inhales deeply. “I’m sorry” he mumbles in to my skin and I smack his shoulder playfully. “What, are you a dog?” I asked jokingly and he chuckled “you just smell sooo fucking good I’ve been wanting to do that ‘m sorry” he kissed up my neck and gently bites down and I tugged my lip between my teeth, gently tugging at his hair to pull him away. 

“You’re gonna get the party started too fast c’mon mister, to the bedroom” I said and there’s a soft meow and he looks down as Persephone greets him, rubbing up against his leg and curling her tail around it. “Ohh” he whispered his eyes lighting up. He immediately crouches down to pet her and she rolls on her back for him displaying her big belly.  

“Oh wow” he said happily “she’s so sweet!” He said excitedly and pet her gently. I smiled “how’d I know you’d be a cat guy” I lean against the wall and watch as she leans up to bat at the string of his hoodie. He giggled a bit, dangling it in front of her and chuckling when she gets ahold of it nibbling gently. “C’mon stop tryna steal my friends Sephy” I joked and opened my bedroom door and he stood up, his eyebrows raising. 

“Wow…” he said and I splay my arms dramatically. “My humble abode!” I giggled “Hope you don’t mind music I always have it playing” I turned down my JBL speaker sitting on the nightstand. “Very…pink” he said and I giggle “mmhmm! I love it it’s my favorite color” he follows me in and Sephy jumps on to her hammock that was attached to my window. “D-do you have a kid?” He asked as his eyes raked over my shelf in the corner that was stuffed with different pink and other pastel Squishamellow toys.

I raise my eyebrow quizzically “no…do you have a kid?” I put my hand on my hip. “No! No. Absolutely not just…” he motioned with his hand and I laugh. “Oh my god you’re not one of those guys are you?” I asked and his cheeks go red. “Huh? N-no I- it’s cute I…I like it I’ve just never met..” he trails off. “Someone who..caters to their inner child?” I asked and walked over, petting Persephone. “The hell is that?” He asked, taking off his sneakers. 

“You’ve never heard of an inner child?” I asked scratching her chin. “No..” he said and I motion to my bed “you can sit” I said and he does so. “It’s your original self, before the world molded you. And damaged you. It helps me, to be in a room like this. Because I never got it when I was little, and it feels healing to give it to myself. I imagine the little girl that I was still lives in me, and she deserves the world, so I try giving it to her” I said and came and sat next to him. He nodded, “that’s…really cool..I’ve never uh- heard of it” he said and I smile a bit. 

“Want me to do your massage while we continue question for question?” I asked and he smiled softly. “Sure…uh so- so how should we..” he asked and I nod “so I think..well you told me you carry most of your stress in your back so I think I’ll start there and then you can better tell me what else hurts” I said and he nodded, sitting up a bit. “Are you..comfortable taking your shirt off?” I asked softly and his blush meets the bridge of his nose and he nods quickly “uh- y-yeah. Yeah.” He said and I got up “ok so.. just lay on your tummy and relax. Did you want some wine?” I asked he nods with a small smile. “Sure” 

I headed out to the kitchen, grabbing another pink wine glass and topping off mine as well and coming back to see him shirtless on the bed. I swallowed thickly, trying not to stare as I pad back “here you go” I said and handed him his glass, taking a big sip of my own. I’d already had 2 glasses, but I was still feeling a bit nervous. He took a sip and I looked at his chest, my eyes locked on the little triangle. “What’s it mean?” I asked and he looked down. “Oh, this?” He runs his finger over it. “Past, present and future.” He shrugs and I nodded. 

“You have any tattoos?” He asked and I nodded “oh, shit! Yeah I forgot you haven’t seen them” I pull down my pants slightly where they were covering the angel and devil babies adorning my hipbones and hike up my shirt to just below my breasts, showing the sun and moon motif with the clouds. He raised his eyebrows, “wow…those are fuckin sick” he muttered, running his finger along the devil baby. “What does it mean?” He asked and I fixed my clothes again, “the meeting of light and dark and good and evil” I shrugged and he nods. 

“Well…yours are deep. I just got this cause I’m a fuckin chef” he holds up his hand, with the knife on it. “This is because I’m constantly fuckin fighting with my family’s shit” he shows me the one of the angels and the grim reaper with the liquor bottle. “What’s…SOU?” I took his hand, gently running my hand over his knuckles. “Oh it’s..” he chuckled a bit. “Sense of urgency..” he looked at me and my brows crinkle. 

“In a kitchen, everything is done SOU, with a sense of urgency. It just uh…reminds me to keep movin’ ya know? Always pick up the pace” he said and I nodded. “Here, lay.” I said and blow out the candle. “It may be a little bit hot, this is a massage candle- it’ll feel super hot at first but it’ll feel good after a second.” I explained and he snorted lightly. “I’ve been burned with oil, fire, boiling water. That’ll be nothing.” He said and I shook my head. “Such a dangerous career you have” I teased and knelt on the bed next to him as he got comfortable on his stomach. 

“Uh… it’ll be easiest if I like..straddle you, is that okay?” I asked “ye’. Yeah. That’s fine” he cleared his throat and tucked his arms under his chin resting his cheek on his forearm. “Ok..I’m gonna pour it now” I said and gently drip the wax on his back, to which he doesn’t even flinch. “Hmm” he hums. “That’s hot to you?” He asked and I giggle. “Ya’ know, I think you may be a psycho, that- or a masochist” I said and gently rub the oil over his back to be sure I had an easy time working the muscles. 

“Well I think it’s the psycho thing but if you’re into masochism then I’m more than happy to oblige” he said and I giggled. “Such a people pleasure” I sighed, “okay… so where did we leave on our game?” I asked and he hummed “I dunno…your hands are really soft” he said softly, his eyes fluttering shut. I found a sizable knot at the base of his neck and started working it, he whimpers softly beneath me bringing a frisky smirk to my lips “its ok..it hurts but it’ll feel good in a second, Jesus Carm, how are you walking around with this?” I said, using the knuckle of my thumb to work it out and he groaned softly. 

“Oh my god Winnie” he said softly. “Fuck…” he said as I drag my thumb in circles, completely releasing the tension in that spot. “Told you I was good” I hum, moving to a slightly less tense knot on the other side. “So fucking good holy shit” he moaned softly causing me to giggle. “Ohh, you poor baby has no one been taking care of you?” I coo teasingly and he smiles, eyes still blissfully shut and chuckles a bit. “No, you can absolutely take the position- ah” he hisses as I work a particularly tight spot in his left shoulder. 

“Mmm.. you’re right handed aren’t you?” I hum, working it gentler, easing the tension out slower so it wasn’t so intense. “Yes? W-how do you know that?” He asked and I worked it deeper, being sure to get out all the stressed energy he held there. “Because your left side is wrecked with stress, baby” I mumbled, digging my fingers deeper into the tenseness. He whimpered softly. “Hmm…please honey” he moaned, causing the ends of my lips to upcurl in a smirk. 

“Course baby” I said softly, working that area a bit harder. “So…since we don’t remember who ended the last time,” I said quietly. “My question first, then, have you thought about fucking me, Carmen” I asked boldly, my fingers digging in to the tender, sensitive, most tense spot in his left shoulder causing him to whimper beautifully. “Y-yes…yes Winnie fuck…” he mumbled softly, his breath hitching in his throat. “Hmm…Have you jacked off thinking of me?” I asked softly, massaging my fingers in to the most tender spot of the muscle causing him to gasp and mutter a low “Jesus fucking Christ” 

“Y-yes. Yes.” He whined, his shoulder inching towards my touch. “Y-Yes.. yes, every time since we met.” He breathed and I worked on his shoulder blades, earning a raspy moan. “Anything to ask, baby?” I said softly, gripping the knots in his muscly skin with the soft pads of my fingers. “Fuck”  he groaned, biting his lip sharply. “Ah- shit I- I can’t focus” he muttered as my fingers smoothed out the toughest knots throughout his back. “Then..can I ask you another?” I asked softly.

“Mmhmm” he moaned softly, the music softly playing though out my my bedroom. 

I gripped his most sensitive spots, earning a raspy moan to spill from his lips. “roll over, baby” I muttered and got off his back, allowing him to roll as I told him.”You’re…so fuckin’ perfect honey” he breathed. I quickly straddled his chest, my hands running absentmindedly over the toned muscle that laid beneath my frame. 

“I just wanna make you feel good” I said softly and rubbed over his chest, massaging his biceps and forearms. “You really don’t have any questions?” I ask, a smirk dancing on my lips. His cheeks redden, the bridge of his nose going a soft pink. “C-can you take this off?” He asked, thumb playing with the edge of my tank top. I giggle, crossing my arms over and taking it off in one swift motion, and throwing it to the floor. 

“Better?” I asked and his pupils darkened, swallowing thickly. “Fuck…you do have them pierced” he said and I smile proudly “mmhmm. You would look hot with yours pierced” I traced my forefinger over his nipple. “Can I touch you?” He asked softly and I laughed a bit. “Yes silly, you don’t have to ask” I said and he wasted no time grabbing my breast and massaging over my piercing with his thumb. I moaned softly, leaning in and kissing him wantingly. 

He gently tugged on the jewelry causing me to moan into his mouth, tugging on his curls gently and rolling my hips into his. He groaned at the friction, his length was already achingly hard in his sweatpants. “Fuck, you make me feel like a fucking virgin” he muttered into my lips when we broke our heated kiss causing me to giggle. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I played with his chain gently “mmhmm, let me suck on your tits” he said and pulled me to his mouth causing me to laugh at his sudden boldness that quickly turned into a moan. 

“Fuck yes baby take what you want” I moaned out my head draping back at the sensation of his tongue flicking over my nipples and sucking lightly. “Oh-“ I gasped in pleasure as he nipped lightly. My core was dripping with need, I could feel my pajama pants becoming uncomfortably wet. “I need you Carmy” I moaned and he pulled away, looking up at me. 

“What do you want?” He asked and I push his shoulders down in to the bed “I want to ride your fucking face.” I said and his eyes widened “l-like-“ he swallowed thickly “please.” He nods “While I suck your cock.” I added and he nodded quickly “mmhmm- anything you want.” He said and I knelt on the bed, shimmying out of my panties and pajama pants “have you…” I questioned and he laughed. 

“Yes oh my god should I be offended? Yes I’ve eaten pussy” he said and I shook my head with a giggle “no- like. Have you ever had your face ridden” I blushed and he nods “a few times- why? have you…” he questioned. “No…never.” I said, my cheeks heating more. He grinned “alright c’mon,” he laid back. I swallowed thickly and made my way up to his face, straddling him with my feet pressed to the headboard. 

“Holy shit” he whispers and my head snaps down “what? Is something bad?” I asked and he chuckled lowly, his hot breath causing my core to twitch. “No…you have a really pretty pussy honey. C’mon, Sit” he pulled me down by my thighs onto his mouth and I gasped at the sensation lightly, resting my hands flat on his chest for support. I moaned loudly as his tongue circles my swollen clit, quickly flicking over it and slap a hand over my mouth to muffle the cry. “Oh fuck…Carmen” I moaned out, grinding in to his face. 

He moaned into me, the vibration causing me to shudder at the pleasure it brought. “You taste fuckin’ amazing baby” he said and I leaned forward, hands shaking from the overstimulation and I pulled his member out of his boxers. I bit my lip, stifling a moan as he thrusts his tongue in my entrance. I swallowed hard looking at it, I would not be able to fit this whole thing in my mouth, it would be halfway down my throat if I took it all. I quiet my moan by sinking my mouth down on his cock, humming softly at the salty taste of precum already soaking his tip. 

He moaned into me, causing my jaw to drop at the vibration and I sunk down deeper, hollowing my cheeks and whining into his length when his strong nose brushed my clit. I bobbed my head faster, grinding my hips into his mouth, feeling my core clenching and twitching, that feeling in my stomach growing tighter and more unbearable with each flick of his tongue. I pulled off his cock, my chin dripping with saliva from the sinful messy encounter. 

“Fuck- c-carm, I’m so close” I whined out and he hums in satisfaction, I pump his cock in my right hand, my thumb rubbing over the tip with each stroke causing him to groan in to me. “Cum baby, cum on my face” he mumbled into my skin, his voice sultry and deep. I bit my lip, “I want you to cum inside of me” I said softly, my voice dripping with need. “What?” He stopped and I whined “I- I want you to cum in my pussy” I look back at him and his eyes widen. 

“Are you…” he questioned and I nod “I have an implant. Please. Can I ride you Carmy” I beg and he nods “course…course you can” I got off him and quickly lined myself up, guiding his tip to my entrance and sinking down until he bottomed out. We moan in sync, his head falling back on the pillow, his eyes fluttering shut. “Oh fuckin’ hell” he muttered and I lean forward, his tip rubbing against my g-spot and I whine loudly. “Oh fuck” I moaned, bouncing slowly as I get used to the stretch. 

“Fuck Carmy you’re huge I literally feel you in my stomach” I moaned out, bouncing harder and faster as I got used to the enormously full sensation. “Y’re so fucking tight baby” he grunted, watching my tits bounce as I quickened my pace. My walls started fluttering around him, my release right around the corner and my head fell back, my thighs shaking in exhaustion. Before I knew it he was flipping us over, and pounding in and out of me, the entire bed shaking and slamming against the wall. 

I cry out, wrapping my legs around his waist and locking my ankles to push him deeper. My back arches up, eyes rolling back slightly in pleasure and head falling to the pillow “holy fuck” I whine loudly and opened my eyes to see his chain dangling and swinging in front of me with each powerful thrust. I gently take it between my teeth and look up at him through my eyelashes. 

“Fuck honey” he says and I feel his cock twitch inside of me, he angles himself more upwards and I gasp loudly his chain falling from my teeth “there- oh my fucking god Carm don’t you dare move” I cried, eyes screwing shut and he pushes harder in to that spot, it wasn’t long until my walls were fluttering around him wildly and my legs were shaking in release “oh Carmy” I moaned like a pornstar, my back arching in pleasure. He fucks me through my release, and spills in to me with a grunt, resting on his elbow and breathing hard.

My eyes open and I look at him, eyes fluttered shut, forehead damp with sweat, but looking genuinely relaxed for the first time since I’d met him. I pulled him on top of me, humming happily at the feeling of his weight as I pulled him into a deep wanting kiss. I play with his hair gently, his curls damp slightly with sweat. “You did amazing, baby” I said softly when I pulled away and kissed his forehead tenderly. 

“You were the one that was amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever fucked like that” he said softly, rolling over and laying down with an exhausted sigh. “Well I think we should fuck like that much more often” I said and snuggled into his chest, pulling a fluffy pink blanket over us. He chuckled a bit “absolutely. And a plus your bed is comfy as shit it smells so good in here” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer. 

“I dunno why I didn’t picture you having tattoos” he said, thumb brushing over the devil on my hip causing me to smile. “Why’s that?” I ask and he chuckled “well firstly, getting a huge piece on your ribs and hips is insane for an only tattoo so pardon me for not guessing” he said causing me to giggle. “Why?” I asked and his eyebrows raise. 

“Why? Because it hurts like a bitch” he rubs his thumb over my sternum. “I got my nipples done first” I said and he hummed, “how long did it hurt” he asked, rubbing his finger over it immediately causing it to perk up making him smirk. 

“They’re super sensitive, that's one of the reasons I have them” I brush his hand down, holding it in my own. “And for like…7 or 8 months. I couldn’t start wearing bras again until like 3 months ago. I forgot how annoying they are.” I said and laced my fingers In his. He hums “I think you shouldn’t wear them, it’s hot as fuck I couldn’t stop staring when you answered the door” he said and I laugh. 

“Mmhmm think I didn’t notice?” I poke his nose playfully. “You have quite the tongue by the way” I said and leaned up to kiss him, rubbing my tongue against his bottom lip to which he opened and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, humming in satisfaction at the taste of me on his tongue. He lifts his hand back up, tugging my nipple between his fingers gently causing me to moan and he smiles against my lips. 

“Carm” I whine, “your cum is literally leaking out of me cause you’re making me wet again, stop” I said and he laughed. “C’mon let’s take a shower then yeah?” I him with a smile “yeah” I sit up, stretching my back. 

“Ugh. Smells like sex In here” I scrunch my nose and he snorts “wonder why that is” I get up from the bed and went into the bathroom turning the shower on hot and looking in the mirror. I gasped “Carmen! You are so trashy!” I said pointing to the hickey that was on my neck and he chuckles “Shit I’m sorry I didn’t even realize, guess I was too caught up in it” he comes over, rubbing his thumb over it gently before placing a kiss on the area. 

I cup his jaw gently and pull him into a sweet kiss, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck and pulling him closer. “ you’re lucky you’re cute” I told him when he pulled away and he smiled, his lips kiss swollen and pink. “Let me wash your hair” I said softly, playing with the curls at the base of his neck. “Okay” he said, rubbing the small of my back gently. I opened up the curtain 

“If I can wash yours” he countered and I giggled a bit as I got in “got yourself a deal, don’t leave me lonely in here” I said and dipped my head back, closing my eyes and getting my hair soaked. He gets in and hisses when the water hits him “Holy fuckin’ hell Winnie” he said “why is it so hot?” He asked and I hummed. “It feels sooo good, you don’t take your showers like this?” I asked and he touched the water pulling his hand back after a few short seconds “holy shit how are you hot red after you get out?” He asked and I laughed. 

“I am, it reminds me of being home with the other demons” I joked and turn it down a smidge for him “there, since you’re such a baby” I trade spots with him so he could wet his hair, having to angle she shower head up a bit for himself since I was much shorter. “No I think you’re just a hellraiser” he snorts. I grabbed the soap sudsing up my hands and gently rubbing over his chest and he peeks his eyes open. “Givin’ me the full treatment huh?” He asked and I smiled. 

“Can’t a girl feel you up?” I teased and rubbed my hands over the toned muscle of his abs and stomach. “You are so hot” I said , my fingers dancing over his v-line and I looked up at him. He looked gorgeous, the water trailing over his shoulders and off the bridge of his nose as he tilted his head to soak his hair fully. “You really know how to get a guy knowing you know that?” He spins me around so my back is against his chest and he kisses my jaw, gently nipping causing me to gasp. 

“Yeah?” I breathe, my fingers trailing up to play with his curls. His hand slides down my stomach, slipping his fingers between the folds of my heat and I gasp softly. He hums, gathering the product of our time in bed and my slick arousal over his fingers and holding them up, strings of the sticky creamy substance sticking to both of his fingers as he pulls them apart.

“That…is so fucking hot honey” he said and watches as I take his fingers in to my mouth, my tongue swirling around them, lapping up the sweet salty taste of our arousals mixed together and moaned softly at the taste, my eyes fluttering shut. He exhaled lowly, taking in the sight in front of him. “Such a dirty girl” he said hotly and I moaned softly around his fingers, pulling away with a ‘pop’ and looking at him innocently through my lashes. 

“Bend over” he orders and I giggle like a brat “oooo, Carmy are you gonna punish me for being a dirty whore for you” I teased and his jaw drops slightly “Don’t worry, you can punish me however you want I’ll say apple if I want you to stop” I said and bit my lip gently. “Are you gonna spank me, Carmy” I kiss his jaw and I felt a sharp stinging sensation on my right cheek accompanied by a loud slap. I gasp, a soft moan tumbling from my lips. 

“Is that all you-“ I’m cut off from my teasing when he slams his hand down on my left cheek, causing it to sting and I’m sure if I saw there would be a red handprint on my ass which just turned me on more. “I said, bend over.” He demanded and I turned around, bending over the bench I had to shave my legs and he rubbed over the stinging spot. “You’re gonna learn to listen to me” he said into my ear, his cold chain brushing my shoulder and making me shiver slightly. 

I swallow thickly and nod, “y-yes” I manage out, pushing my bum back against him. He spanks me again, harder this time causing me to yelp. “Yes what?” He asked. “Yes- Yes Sir! I’ll be good, please fuck me” I whine and he chuckled a bit, reaching between my legs and rubbing my throbbing clit with his middle and ring fingers causing my knees to quiver. 

“That’s a good girl” he whispered, placing a kiss between my shoulder blades and reaching up and gently tugging on my nipple jewelry causing me to moan. “P-please Carmy, please, I need your cock” I begged, resting on my elbows. “Yeah baby? You want me to fill you up again?” He asked, his tip teasing my entrance and I moaned, trying to sink back on him but only getting the tip in. 

“Please- fuck Carmen I need you to fill me with your cum please” i whined out and he pushed in to me, bottoming out with one long stroke causing me to cry out, my eyes squeezing shut and seeing stars at the otherworldly mix of pain and pleasure. “Since you asked, so good baby. Those are the manners I want from you when we play, hm?” He hummed, holding my hips and fucking himself in to me with long hard strokes that had my thighs quivering under the weight of my body, struggling to hold myself up. 

“Fuck Angel you take my cock so well” he groans out and I moan at his words, his strong hands holding me up by the ribs when he realized I was starting to have trouble standing. “Carm, fuck carm-“ I muttered his name like an invocation, my eyes fluttering shut and my orgasm washing over me before I could even warn him. He grunts at the feeling of my walls spasming around him, the only sound being the water and the slapping of our skin as he ravenously fucked me through my orgasm. 

My knees shook, the sensation becoming slightly overwhelming. “Fuck, I gotcha’ honey, I gotcha” he held me with his forearm, kissing my neck with hot open kisses “almost there baby almost there- fuck” he moaned and my breath becomes shaky, my core tightening around him and releasing at each rut in to my g spot. “Carmen” I squeak out, tears rimming my eyes, “do you need me to stop baby?” He goes slower and I shook my head quickly “no, no. God fucking cum in me please” I begged and he picks the speed back up. 

His hand slithers down and rubs over my clit with his fingers and I cry out, my hips jerking at the contact “c’mon sweet girl, cum again. Cum on my cock, I know you have another one for me baby” he kisses my jaw, nipping at the soft skin and I couldn’t even think, the only thoughts I could manage was how good his cock felt fucking me at such a hard pace, using me as his own personal stress relief. Before I knew it my third orgasm of the night was washing over me, I felt completely spent. 

I shudder, nearly going limp under him and he grunts, unleashing a hot enormous load into me, holding me up as he finishes. His breathing was ragged and hot, he gently pulled me to his chest, his cock falling out of me and the sudden feeling of emptiness caused a whine to escape my lips. He kissed my forehead and I opened my eyes to look at him, he was smiling lazily. 

“I really made you cum 3 times?” He asked and I nod a bit “I’ve never cum 3 times. I can barely stand, can you wash my hair first?” I asked softly and he nodded, gently setting me to sit on the bench that was built into my shower. “Are you ok?” He tilts my chin up so I look at him and I smile tiredly. 

“Mmhmm. I really want pizza.” I said softly. He chuckled a bit, “my kinda girl. You know how late it is, right?” He raised his eyebrows looking over the assortment of scrubs and soaps in my shower, looking for the shampoo. I pointed to it and he grabbed it, gently pushing my hair from my face. 

“We’ve been fucking 2 hours and you got here 20 minutes before that. So…2:30?” I asked and he snorted a bit, squeezing shampoo on the top of my head and gently massaging it into my scalp. “Strong sense of internal clock?” He asked and I hummed. “Not really, I’m judging based on how tired I feel” I sigh in to the feeling of his hands and he gently drags the shampoo over my ends. 

“You have…so much hair. Jesus this is a lot” he said putting more shampoo in his hands and I laugh a bit “hence why I was surprised you asked to do it, but thank you for taking this chore off my todo list” I hummed moaning softly when he massaged the soreness behind my ears where my hair had been up. 

“Mmhmm, it gets curly like yours when it’s really short, ‘s why I have to straighten my bangs” I yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. He chucked a bit “that’s really cute, curly red hair” he said and finished shampooing. “Thank you I feel better” I look up at him and puckered my lips, he took the offer kissing me sweetly. 

I hummed into the kiss, cupping his jaw and my thumb running over the stubble that had grown over the course of the day. “Your turn” I said when he pulled away and got up, rinsing my hair out and closing my eyes, humming softly to myself. “Eva told me you sing” he said softly and I smiled. “Well, for fun. Not like I should be on Broadway, it’s not that hard to impress a little girl” I said, rinsing out my ends. 

“Well…Richie said that you’re really good, like you sound like a princess” he said and I felt my cheeks heat. “Ok…don’t ask me to sing for you” I said shyly and he chuckled. “Promise I won’t, but I’d love to hear you sing sometime” he said and I finished rinsing my hair. “Come around the bookstore sometime you’ll probably catch me” I said, squeezing some shampoo in to his hair and massaging it in. 

He sighs contently, his eyes fluttering shut in bliss. “You’re really good at that” he mumbled and I smiled. “Thanks…you have really nice hair” I said, gently scratching his scalp and he moaned softly. “Mmm..can’t remember the last time I had my hair washed” he said softly and I got down near his neck, massaging the tight curls gently. “I’m glad you’re letting me take care of you” I said softly, his forehead gently resting against my tattoo. 

“Mm..only you though” he said quietly, causing a smile to grace my features. I finished massaging in the shampoo and put some conditioner on my own hair, “close your eyes so I can…” I giggle and he scrunches his eyebrows. “Not only have your pussy and I met face to face, we did mouth to mouth. That pussy and I are well acquainted, and you can’t wash up in front of me?” He teased and I blushed. “You are such a perv, Berzatto” I turned around, washing away the remnants of the last few hours gently since I was still so sensitive. 

When I turned back around he was smiling bashfully, “whattt” I whined, crossing my arms. “You have freckles on your butt. I didn’t notice before” he said and I giggle “I have freckles like…everywhere” I held out my speckled arms and he takes one, kissing from my wrist to the crook of my elbow. 

“It’s adorable.” He said and I scoop some shampoo with my forefinger before it dripped in his eyes. “Wash your hair, mister the waters getting cold” I rinse my conditioner out before stepping out and drying off, leaving a second pink towel for him on the hook and I heard a familiar scratching at the door. 

“Sephy! A minute honey” I said and gasp. “Oh my god! Her bedtime snack!! Poor baby” I open the door in a hurry and I hear him chuckle from the bathroom as I put on my slippers and rush into the kitchen to pour her one of her soup treats. “So sorry Angel my poor baby” I coo, petting her as she eats and I headed back to the bedroom to see Carm out of the shower, his curls extra pronounced from the water and the towel draped around his waist. 

I bit my lip, looking at the water dripping down his chest over his abs, to his V line, feeling my aching core throbbing with excitement. I could not go another round tonight- I was already gonna be sore in the morning. “Hey- uhh do you know where I threw my backpack?” He asked, snapping me back to reality. 

“Backpack…backpack! Uh yeah. One sec” I went back out to the entryway, grabbing it from the hook and bringing it back for him. He unzips it, taking out a clean pair of boxers and I gasp. “Carmen Berzatto! You little whore” I teased and he chuckled “what? How do you mean?” He asked taking out deodorant and my jaw drops further. 

“Ohh my god!! You brought a hoe bag!! You are such a little slut” I shook my head with a teasing smirk. “What the hell is a hoe bag?” He asked and I went over to my dresser, dropping my towel and going through my underwear drawer. “Oh you know, just your spend the night bag for hoetivities.” I said and he chuckled. 

“Hoetivities? Like a hookup bag? Well..yeah I mean we were both planning on hooking up right?” He asked and I giggled. “Yeah but still you have it all put together? What an organized little slut” I teased and pulled out some cheeky panties slipping them on and when I turned around he was watching me in his boxers and I raised my eyebrows. 

“Glad I'm not the only one that’s shamelessly eye fucking. Help me strip the bed will ya' peepin' tom? I’m gonna order the pizza” I said and he smirked, shaking his head as he pulled the sheets off. “Yes ma’am of course” he said and I went over to my closet, pulling out a oversized vintage Levi’s tshirt and slipping it over my head, before grabbing my phone changing my playlist to my getting ready for bed one which contained most of my heavy metal selection and hum softly to the lyrics. 

“What the fuck” he mutters before laughing and I look at him, his laughter being contagious and I end up laughing as well. “What?” I giggled. “Fuckin…so let me just- you listen to Taylor swift, rap, and heavy metal?” He asks and I giggle shrugging “mmhmm…we’ll only girl rappers, and heavy metal bands that have girls but yup. I do!” I said and took the sheets and our dirty clothes, bringing them to my washroom. 

“You surprise me all the time” he said and sat down on the mattress. I come back after I’d start it and gasp pleased “holy rollerrr! I love this one!” I said dropping off the fresh sheets on the bed and he chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever…listened to this kinda music” he said and my eyebrows raise. 

“Are you kidding?! I didn’t expect you to be a metal head…but…what do you listen to?” I asked and he shrugged, “I..don’t” he chuckled and my eyebrows furrowed. “How do you mean?” I asked “I don’t have time for that really…” he said plainly and I scoffed. “So when you’re working out?” I asked and he shrugged again “quiet. It’s nice to just not think” he said and I started putting my pillows in the pillow cases. 

“Maybe you are a psycho” I said, causing him to chuckle. “You say that like a revelation, I told you that” he joked and I shook my head with a smile. “Chris got me into metal” I said and he nodded, getting up to help me stretch the fitted sheet over the bed. “Why’d he like it?” He asked and I tucked a corner under the mattress. 

“He was deaf…the uh bass…he liked it” I clear my throat and he hums. “Oh…did you know sign and everything?” He asked “oh..yeah of course that was…my whole first 22 years” I swallowed thickly, tucking the other corner on my side in. “That’s really cool..” he said and I nod. “I would um…when we went to concerts, I would interpret for him and he always was…so happy he loved concerts. I miss going with him, so so much” I sighed, throwing my comforter over the bed and he smiled a bit. 

“That’s really sweet of you, Winnie” he said and I smiled. “Thank you” I said softly, sitting down on the now made bed. He sits down next to me, “Y’know Mikey..we used t’call ‘em Monkey, he uh…we cooked together. That was always our common ground, and it’s where we really clicked the best. So I get that… Y’know- missing em” he said and I pulled him into a hug, my lips resting on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me, soothingly rubbing my back. 

“Thank you” I said softly into his skin. “F’what honey?” He asked, gently playing with the wet ends of my hair gently. “Not running off after we were done and talking with me” I said quietly and he sighed softly, pulling me into his lap to hold me fully and he kissed my cheek sweetly. “Why would I leave you, Win?” He asked softly and pushed my hair over my shoulders before kissing my jaw tenderly. 

“Cause you got what you wanted” my eyes fluttered shut and he stopped. “Is that how I made you feel?” He asked, a trace of betrayal in his voice. “No, no Carm” I looked up at him, “guys usually…just dip” I sigh softly. “So I’m glad…thank you for being open enough to stay” I said and he nodded a bit, leaning in and kissing me once more. 

“You still want that pizza?” 

→ 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐸𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

[monstertidbits]

hi i loved this finale very much i love falin and im so happy shes back...... also im obsessed with the choice to make laios forever unable to indulge his monster autism, and making him king. ITS SO INTERESTING i love this direction even though it sucks for laios, maybe there is something to be said about how you don't always achieve the thing you want most in life and that's okay, and the life you live is still worth a lot.... and also it's so something to me that laios is being such an adult about this, like yeah he wishes he was having fun doing his own thing and he really doesn't want to be king, but SOMEONE has to and unfortunately for him he's the absolute best candidate (((PRECISELY BECAUSE OF HOW WEIRD HIS PRIORITIES ARE))), so he'll do it, AND HE'LL DO IT WELL, he'll be the awesome, competent and kind ruler, but he'll still be kinda sad and mopey about not getting what he wanted. LIKE HE'S SUCH A GOOD KING, he brought so much good into this world, but he doesn't get particularly high and mighty about it because he doesn't really care that much about being a king. HE'S SO CHILL ABOUT IT!!!! motherfucker really ushers in a time of prosperity and peace, and he's still just sitting on his throne thinking "man.......... the monsters will NEVER hang out with me........... what is this life......." I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUUUUUUUCHHHHH i love that his whole future thjng is not getting what he wanted at all but absolutely excelling at the thing hes doing (that doesn't really do anything for him). absolute icon and my personal hero

NONNIEEE YEAHHH!!! I remember back when i first read ch60 and i was like "wait... this feels wrong", not liking the idea of laios becoming a king bc i knew it wasn't what he "really wanted". but now, after reading how he actually got to that point, it makes sense. and it's still kinda bittersweet. because we know that his interest in monsters was amplified and became all consuming bc of his struggle to connect with other people, feeling alienated everywhere he went. so not being able to interact with monsters much anymore and being a king of other humans is actually forcing him to face all those fears and struggles he was running away from all this time, and learn to define himself outside of his expertise. watching the best and worst of humanity so very closely as their ruler, and finding his own place among them. but the thing is, he always had a home to return to in the few people he loved. and that's why, through all the hardships and pain, it's still worth it. he was ready to have something taken away from him and quite literally had to give up his most defining trait. so who is he now? can he manage without the comfort of monsters?

the answer is yes. he is not alone. and it may not be the most satisfying conclusion for him but it might be what he needed most. to learn how to live in peace with his own self, with the world surrounding him. and all being said, it was pointed out time and time again: how he wasn't really planning for the future, how he didn't have any strong conviction leading him. but it all changed after he killed his sister with his own hands. i think chapter 67 was a defining moment in laios's journey for many reasons, but especially this: for once, he chose not to run away. he decided that HE will be the one to challenge his fate and bend it as he wishes. otherwise, he could've given up on resurrecting falin long ago. but he didn't, not just for the sake of his sister but those people who put their faith in them and tried their best FOR them. it's ironic, how it was precisely inside the monsters' world that he was finally able to connect with the humans he despised so much in the most genuine way. and after facing the absolute worst, he can definitely find in himself the strength to deal with anything, king or not. so like you said- the man is gonna be fine somehow. i love him so much

[melonteee]

Do you think ur going to do a review or analysis of the live action? Because even tho i kinda liked it i think i have the same problem that you have with the characters, like zoro. It's weird bc i think that the characterization of the characters is kinda good, but also there's something laking, i think it's the removal of some core senes but honestly idk fully if it's that or something else. I know they had short time to adapt like 90 chapters, but i think the time they had would be better used if they didn't had the b plot be abt garp. Tho that's also not right, bc i think some of the scenes with the marines were fun? But in this case i think garp characterization is just not that great.

Idk its super weird bc i feel the world is really one piece and it was fun to watch but there's some things that are kinda :/

Okay uh, let me preface this by saying part of my degree had to do with adaptation - in terms of what it is and how it's really god damn hard. So this live action intrigues me not just as a one piece fan, but in terms of my studies, and I have no doubt my favourite teacher is getting a kick out of this as we speak lol.

If you don't want spoilers for ep 1, don't read under the cut. If you don't want to feel bummed out cause you super enjoyed the show, also don't read. I am analysing this in a very critical way because I was dead interested in how this was handled.

I have only watched one episode, I can only judge so far at the moment, so feel free to take this all with a grain of salt. There is indeed charm in this series! The only thing is, there's charm when it's trying to be itself exclusively, and it falls really flat when trying to replicate One Piece because...I didn't feel One Piece from this in any sense. Any 'faithful' shots I received felt like a cheap replica attempting to force some nostalgic emotion out of me with nothing earned.

And, from what I can see, that's the problem here. This series isn't sure how loyal it should really be, nor is it sure how much fidelity it should keep - but it's trying to remind me at every damn second "This IS One Piece, do you SEE One Piece?" And it's not just me saying this, the producers themselves admitted that they were TRYING to be loyal. A quote from them is;

“What we learned is the fans are expecting you to be true to the source material,” says executive producer Marty Adelstein, whose Tomorrow Studios produced “Cowboy Bebop” for Netflix before embarking on “One Piece....As we read the comments, it was always, ‘Well, they didn’t do this character the same as this and that.’ … It really taught us a lot of what we needed to do with this one.” “It became everyone’s goal to make sure that when you looked at the show, you thought this was a live-action version of the manga that just felt like another feather in the legacy of Oda,” (source)

So here's my question here, to myself and One Piece fans - did you FEEL like you were watching a 1:1 version of these characters? Did these characters FEEL like themselves instead of being TOLD they're apparently themselves?

Of course, it's an adaptation! It's supposed to be different! But this statement directly contradicts that, and so does everything else. After all they apparently hired Oda to 'check off' on it, they used the Japanese VAs for the Japanese audio version of it, they even have the manga/anime version of Luffy sitting there in the One Piece logo - constantly reminding me OF the original no matter what I do.

So with all these comments, and with all these decisions, what else to expect but "Oh, so they're planning to stay loyal and not deviate from the original? This is clearly their goal."

And that's where the problem ensues for me, because they try DESPERATELY to ham fist in original source material, they really want me to point at the screen and go "JUST LIKE THE MANGA!", but they're not going all in on it and, as such, the changes become increasingly obvious that this ISN'T the same. Because, if you only have a BIT of Zoro's character implemented from the original, but not ALL of it, what else am I to see but a bastardised version of the original here?

This script does this thing where it's giving me beats of Zoro, but not all of Zoro, and suddenly I'm left with a guy who's a weird, bizarro version of Zoro. He's not quite original enough to feel like his own being, and he's not quite loyal enough to feel like the original. And of course, it's not just Zoro, but it's this way for the other characters too.

The 'loyalty' the producers are talking about, and the lesson they've seem to have learnt here is; "We need to unnaturally shove in as much fidelity as we can in an exposition-dump, so we can get it out of the way, make everyone feel like we're respecting the source, and get on to the original scenes that add nothing but a laugh."

And...it's a shame! It's weird to say this series would, so far, be better if they weren't TRYING to replicate One Piece's energy, but from everything I am seeing, it's clearly what they are trying to do. This show has charm when it has its OWN charm, but cutting from a fun little original scene to an exposition dump of lore is so incredibly jarring I don't even really know what to make of it.

For example, we were shown Zoro being tied up to a pole. We are going to point at it and go "I remember that!" but then...the whole reasoning is different, the motives are different, and...the time is all different? In all respect, this series is doing what Disney live actions are doing, where they are giving me MORE scenes with LESS information - and due to seemingly TRYING to be loyal, it feels like the original scenes are fun, but a waste of time due to the exposition dumps being incredibly rushed and lacklustre.

In a complete ironic twist, their desperation to be loyal has them falling flat, so instead I'm seeing a hollow replica of what One Piece is - when it could've been an original live action that's trying to work on its strengths of BEING its own live action.

All in all, the first ep would've been fine if I turned my brain off, but I don't...watch One Piece to do that. I don't ever feel numbed by One Piece, and by all means I was given the expectation that this WOULD be the story RETOLD but with BIGGER action and LARGER characters because they just LOVE Oda and respect him SO MUCH!

But at the end of the day, for a first impression, I got another Netflix live action that COULD work on itself, but ultimately is making me appreciate the original a lot more. It's making me appreciate Oda's writing more, the Strawhat's original characters more, and the world more. It seems great as a digestible family show, which I'm sure is what Netflix wanted, but it's already got me feeling uneasy.

Of course, this could very well change the more I get through, and I'm very open to it, but the first episode in itself makes for a fascinating case study on the fidelity of anime live action adaptations.

And just in case anyone gets up in arms because there seems to be a weird forced positivity crusade on this series right now, Oda himself has said he intends to happily take criticism, because he knows it'll come from a place of love. This by no means is a disrespect to Oda, and is more a look in on how Netflix operates.

[slexenskee]

hello!! i was rereading mdnsy and started wondering why you always use 'gojo' instead of satoru while naming him in his own pov. is there a reason for it?

sorry I'm not answering this privately but I do get asked this a lot so I figured it's better to just keep it out there 😅

A bunch of reasons swinging from random preference, literary/readability, and plot/characterization. Preference - idk for whatever reason A LOT of jjk fics refer to him exclusively as Gojo. I think that's bc a lot of them have him as a mc but its not from his POV, or its someone else's (usually Yuuji). I got into the habit of referring to him as Gojo in my head after reading it so much lol.

Which kinda leads me into Plot - that kinda stuck with me and in the end I ended up characterizing Gojo in my head as someone who has outrageously uncontrolled and untreated identity issues lmao. He was literally born as some fated sorcerer and his entire personal identity was intrinsically tied to being the Six Eyes holder. No one in his life looked at him as 'Satoru', he was always the Gojo heir and the Six Eyes holder. From a young age that's how he saw himself - reinforced by the fact I imagine he was probably almost always referred to as 'young master Gojo' by everyone in his life. He doesn't seem to have any kind of relationship with his parents in canon, so idk honestly who in his life would have been close enough to call him Satoru, at least not until high school. So Gojo himself doesn't even see himself as Satoru. Frankly if he had to pick a 'persona' that he truly identifies with, it would be his title 'The Honored One', but the weight of using just 'Gojo' with all its history and legacy (six eyes, clan, etc) is a close second.

This is also why he has no issue going from Touya, Dabi, Six Eyes, Satoru, and Ru-kun interchangeably in the story. They're all both aspects of his identity and also not really titles he identifies with at all, so he doesn't really care what people call him.

!!! ok somewhat spoiler-ish, but this is an intentional plot device that is meant to change as he grows in the story and starts to come to terms with himself as a human and not just the Gojo clan's lauded Six Eyes holder.

There's a part in one of (?) the next few chapters where he's asked directly what name he prefers, and he says 'You can call me Touya if you like, but I prefer Satoru'. A very different and more intentional response than the one he had in the last chapter where Nighteye asked what to call him and he was just like 'uhhh Six Eyes I guess since I'm here as a hero? idk lol'

Eventually he'll finally get to the point where he stops seeing himself as just the living avatar of the 'Honored One/current Six Eyes holder' and actually as Satoru, the person. Buuttttt idk if I'll ever stop calling him Gojo in his POV though, for the reason below ~

As for readability and a literary device - there are so many POVs in this fic and all of them call Gojo something different: Dabi for most, Touya for Fuyumi/Natsuo, Ru-kun for Katsuki, Satoru for Yui/the band, Six Eyes thrown in every once in a while. And all those POVs will change what they refer to him as depending on context, like sometimes Hawks thinks of him as Satoru, other times as Dabi. I wanted Gojo's POV to be very obviously removed from all his various names. Gojo's POV is the only POV where he's referred to by one name only.

[dilutedconfusion]

okay listen so i've been thinking heavily on the yandere trope recently. but like with Kid as the yandere. and whenever i see yandere!Kid i feel like he's always the more sadistic version of yanderes.

basically used this post (hoping the link works for you🙏🙏) to look at the dif types bc i dont know all that😭 but i feel like he is always sadistic/possessive in fics. obvi all yandere!aus are gonna be at least a little ooc bc its a divergence of canon characteristics but hear me out girl...

delusional and overprotective yandere!Kid... like girl. or like basically a kinda soft yandere!Kid. but like still horrible and awful not GREAT at emotions. like he will still get mad and yell but otherwise? is strangely kind to you? (w you not really realizing any subtle manipulation tactics that him or Killer might be using cuz Killer is loyal asf to Kid🤞)

like being kidnapped by the Kid pirates, the worst of the worst generation, said to be cruel and sadistic. that's already bad, and you're terrified for your life. essentially having a meltdown because you had no idea what was going to happen to you, but you had a guess. you meet Kid and prepare to be tortured/killed. then he's like??? weirdly nice to you? like yeah he's gruff and kinda bitchy but that is a thousand times better than being killed.

thats as far as the thoughts go but see my vision?? figured you would appreciate the Kid thoughts🙏

OKAY OKAY I love this SOOO MUCH. Like I don’t think I can explain how much I love this but you SLAYED. GIVING ME LINKS AND DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS AND SHIZ 🤭💞 Okay so to get right to the point I will be of course writing a chapter on this (or maybe multiple on this because that’s how good of an idea it is pookie). BUT I don’t know when I’ll be able to churn out a full chapter. I mean probably soon but I sorta just want to get a better grasp of exactly the kind of character you want Kid to be before I start writing. So here’s a little traits list?? that I cooked up the minute I read over this just to get my creative juices flowing. Let me know if Im headed in the right direction and if there is any changes or additions you’d like to see. Other than that I’ll write up the chapter, tag and credit the hell out of you, and we can revel in softyandere!Kid together 🥰

Traits

Thinks that kidnapping you was the best choice for your life. That you will be the safest and happiest with him (even if you’re kidnapped and being held against your will)

Often uses manipulation tactics like love bombing, balant lying to keep you in the dark, and triangulation with Killer

Not only believes that everyone else in the world is a hazard to you (including most of his crew members) but you’re a hazard to yourself so he doesn’t allow you privacy??? This could be taken to the point where he feels like he needs to be in the same room with you at all times. Eyes on you whenever physically possible. Which is sorta intense so just let me know if that is too much for you (cause I could make it really gross or more mild lol)

Will do even the simplest task for you, not because he wants to do it to help, but because he doesn’t believe you can take care of yourself or MOREOVER he should be the only to take care of you because he is just that great. Which of course he will hang over y/n’s head in arguments and be like “BUT LOOK AT HOW MUCH I DO FOR YOU😡” type shit.

If you do constantly try to pull away from him he’ll think you’re just shy or playing hard to get and will therefore push your boundaries harder. But if you actually PHYSICALLY harm him or try to PERMANENTLY leave he’d rather tie you down until you apologize and say you weren’t in your right mind when you did that then listen to your plea seriously (HES SO DELULU) The punishment for this could also involve taking away material items or aspects of freedom because like you said he's not sadistic so he would never hurt you.

To put it simply y/n would feel like this “I like you Kid but I don’t like who you become when you're with me” WHICH WOULD CAUSE SOME SERIOUS TURBULENCE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND SOME SWEET ANGST EVEN.

I would write more but I don’t want to give TO MUCH away plot wise. Sooo hopefully this gives you a good idea on how I’m thinking of portraying Kid. If you have any other questions of course ask me!! Any little tid bits will be much appreciated and thank you so much for requesting something from me Emma 🫶

[honeii-puff]

for grishverse asks, like any one of them, I just kinda want to know, since they’re such good questions, and if you feel like it all of them

shadow | rank all the grishaverse books you’ve read.

I did this one already

bone | have you seen the show? what’s the best part of it?

Also did this one already

siege | if you got to kill off one character, who would it be?

Probably Heleen. Burn the Menagarie down whilst we're at it

storm | share and tag your favorite fan art

Dont have one, i love all the fanarts

ruin | favorite character?

Did this one already, its Inej

rising | what’s the best ship? canon or otherwise.

Kanej. no questions.

six | favorite grishaverse quote?

the "I would have come for you" bit from Kaz. That or "Best way to steal a man's wallet"

crow | which crows are you most and least like?

Most like Inej, Least like Kaz

crooked | if you got to rewrite the first chapter of six of crows, how would you do it?

I'd probably let Anya live longer bc she was cool

kingdom | pick a character and give them a theme song

Jesper - Killer Queen by Queen

king | what’s your favorite idea for a new series in the grishaverse?

Probably something centric on Captian Inej Ghafa

scars | which character deserved better?

MATTHIAS HELVAR

rule | favorite book cover?

The russian version of Six of Crows. its beautiful

wolves | sort all the characters you can into hogwarts houses, (or choose to give them zodiacs, mbtis, alignments, etc—)

im just gonna do the crows

Kaz: Slytherin

Inej: Hufflepuff

Wylan: Slytherin or Ravenclaw

Jesper: Gryffindor

Matthias: Hufflepuff

Nina: Gryffindor

ketterdam | change the ending of one of the books

LET. MATTHIAS. LIVE

os alta | when did you get into the grishaverse? tell us all about it

I'd say about 2021 i read Shadow and Bone and half of Seige and Storm, then dropped it. I watched the show in 2022, read six of crows, saw s2 of SaB, and then read KOS

djerholm | what pair of characters would you kill to see interact with each other?

We need more Kaz and Nikolai interactions.

the unsea | what type of grisha powers would you want to have? or what crow’s skills would you want to steal?

Stealing Inej's grace, I have the balance of a toddler :P

the true sea | rant about whatever grishaverse thing you want to (a hot take, something that bothers you, something you love, etc)

WE. NEED. MORE. RELIGIOUS. REPRESENTATION.

And not in the way "oh we need more religious characters"

no.

I want full in-depth explanations on each religion. On Djel, Gheezenism, the difference between Ravkan, Kaelish, and Suli saints, what they worship in the Southern Colonies, Novyi Zem, and Shu Han, all of it.

Give me it all.

[queenie-blackthorn]

Do you have a favorite passage of the Quran?

i dont have favorite passages as much as i have favorite ayat (verses)

so, surely with hardship comes ease.

Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease

these two verses from 94:5-6 has helped me calm down more than you can imagine. i cant explain the calming effect that remembering these two has on me.

do not let their words grieve you.

as someone who got bullied, 10:65 helped a lot.

Allah is the Guardian of the believers—He brings them out of darkness and into light.

this is 2:257 and also rlly comforted me

then this one is kinda different:

and We have put a barrier before them and a barrier behind them, and have covered them up, so they are unable to see.

(side note: the "we" here is the royal we, just in case thats confusing lol)

this is a verse that protected muhammad pbuh from being killed when he was fleeing mecca, and it has protected me from my parents. whenever i notice my parents starting to get angry and i get scared, i just whisper this verse (but in arabic – this is the pronunciation if anyone at all wants it) and they always, always get distracted. either my brothers start fighting and my mom has to attend to them, or my dad gets a phone call from work, i swear it works (for me at least). its become my mantra atp <3

oh and theres one more; the entire surah (chapter) of ad-duha (the morning hours). this ones a long story

abt a year ago (back when i was at the lowest point of my life, sh'ing, having regular panic attacks at school) i dreamt of being in a cave, and there was an old man with a long white beard wearing a thobe next to me, but he was focused on something and mumbling to himself. i focused and i saw he was compiling the quran into a book, and i looked in front of me and i saw scattered pages of the quran. i started compiling it with him, but it kinda compiled itself and then flipped open to a random page, which was open to ad-duha

for reference, ad-duha is short, so this is what it looked like:

its that big block in the middle, it fits comfortably on a single page with room for other chapters above and below.

so i told this dream to my moms friend whos good at interpreting dreams, and she told me to read the surah. so i did.

this surah came down on the prophet pbuh in a low point in his life when he thought he was abandoned by god bc he hadnt received any messages from the angel gabriel in over six months. in this short 11-verse chapter, here are a few of the verses:

Your Lord has not abandoned you, nor has He become hateful ˹of you˺. (verse 3)

And the next life is certainly far better for you than this one. (verse 4)

And ˹surely˺ your Lord will give so much to you that you will be pleased. (verse 5)

Did He not find you unguided then guided you? (verse 7)

i cannot explain the feeling i got when i read these verses. i cannot properly formulate into words the effect that reading this had on me.

keep in mind, this surah is taught to us as children bc its short. ages 8 and below. i had memorized this long ago but i never really focused on the words? cause its classical arabic, which is largely different from my dialect of arabic, so mostly i know the words but not their meanings iykwim. like i know the word "qala" but i dont know what it means.

so i dont think it was my mind grasping for things of comfort in order to make me feel better; i didnt know that this surah was meant to be reassuring until after the dream.

to this day, i read it whenever i feel kinda low<3

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I want to quit a03 and just delete all my current fanfictions, i haven’t updated any of them in months. I’m tired lol. The main reason why is I haven’t been getting a lot of interactions on my recent stuff and Ik that’s not the point of writing fanfics but idk it’s a nice from motivation. I’m an attention whore, sue me.

What i’m asking i guess is how do u stay motivated??? I have a lot of ideas for things but no drive to make them a reality.

(You probably can tell who i am from this lol but its kinda embarrassing so i wanted to keep it anon)

Oh dude I absolutely get it, for real. While we ultimately write for ourselves, a lack of engagement is REALLY discouraging! I’ve said before that I went through a REAL mental struggle writing The Webs In The Rafters specifically, and that still stands. I had a lot of super nice commenters, and that helped a lot, but it was so, so, sucky to see no engagement other than the same six people. As grateful as I was for them, I really wanted more interaction. I’d see the comment count go up, but no new kudos, and I’d feel like I was failing.

I almost dropped that fic. The only reason I didn’t was my dearest boxwinebaddie regularly doing cartwheels in the comments and messaging me about the story. Encouragement from an author you admire helps SO MUCH and I want to be that person to someone someday!!! The community of ao3 can be toxic, for sure, but it’s so kickass to see the same handful of people in someone’s comms every time you read something from a certain writer!

And man, I am absolutely an attention whore. I thrive on attention. I may be an agoraphobic asshole with no friends other than my partner irl and I may literally panic so bad that I faint when I get spoken to, but we are HUMAN!!! Validation is fucking NICE!!! Being a person sucks absolute ass and confirmation that we’re doing something right helps a lot!

The only advice I have on staying motivated: I’m just fuckin insane. And I’ve said before that the ONLY reason I started writing was bc I had an extremely specific set of tags I wanted to see. I wanted to see more style injury recovery and at the time, a lot of the style fics out there were literally just boring high school aus or Stan being suicidal and I was like helll no let’s switch it up! So I assumed my mission of renovating that ship tag. I wanted sot style h/c with an ungodly amount of comfort? I was gonna have to write it. And that expanded to all aus. I developed the OrangeJuiceVerse specifically with the message of healing as the central theme. And it means so much to me. What I’m getting at is that your work really does have to have something there that’s important to you. If it’s just all random drama with no reconciliation, it’ll be really draining on you and fall flat in your mentality surrounding it.

Another thing is: if you don’t feel like updating, DONT! It’s fanfiction. It’s something you’re putting on the Internet for free. If you aren’t 100% happy with a chapter, there is no obligation to post it! Also, if you aren’t feeling up to working on a wip, mentally or physically, you don’t have to! Come back to it when you are!

On obligation, something I struggle with is my own self imposed habit of daily updates on multichapters. I usually go really wild when I start a new au, and I’ll write for it every day. But for instance, right now, it’s been a couple since I’ve posted a new chap on In The Truly Gruesome. And I have felt some guilt about that, bc I’ve sort of garnered this reputation as someone who updates frequently on multichaps, but I haven’t been feeling so great, so writing isn’t my top priority. A couple lines here and there are what I can manage, and that’s okay! Again, it’s fanfiction. Ultimately, it matters to us as the author, the story can mean the world to us, but we shouldn’t feel obligated to update, because above all we are PEOPLE with LIVES!!!

It’s also important to remember not to treat ao3 as social media. Yes it’s kickass to form a community of like minded authors who all support each others stuff, but it isn’t something that should be expected. And I CANNOT stress enough how important it is not to feel obligated to work on something just bc someone wants you too. I’m a hypocrite, yeah, considering I had no intention of continuing my TFBW oneshot “We Did It We Are A Good Team” until I had someone commenting on my unrelated works asking for a second chapter. I don’t regret writing ch 2, btw, like im really happy with it, but I did cave under pressure to some degree. And that’s not something we should do when writing. Write for YOURSELF and (unless you’re doing an ask book or something) NO ONE ELSE!!!

That’s what I got my dude. If you feel strongly about what you’re writing, by all means write it. If you don’t, don’t feel obligated. I hope this helped!

[fbj723]

late night ramble but ig heres my 2 cents of this poll (not directly attaching this to the poll cause im a coward LOL)

ofc, i won't put my thoughts on luci/belphe/asmo. ik we get tidbits of them through their nobles or pb's prev games but i wanna judge them based on how they actually show up in-game. i also know there's prob gonna be some luci lore later when gamigin update is out (atm its like abt 4 or so days till that update's release) but i'll just omit my thoughts on luci for now

ok now for the rest of the kings:

i should also put a disclaimer that i don't read any of the unholy board stories unless if it's mammon's, so for the other kings that aren't mammon my opinions are purely based off of main story or event appearances or how they act in comics

satan - honestly pretty ok w him. i'm kinda biased when it comes to mc being recoginized as their own person rather than purely just the descendant of solomon so i like him based on that. idk i don't have any strong opinions abt him i just see him as a very fluffy cat :3

mammon - absolutely love him. 0 flaws. wins the idgaf war. my absolute fav squeak toy. lol ok but fr tho i don't really have any complaints abt him. will spoil tf out of mc and wants to ensure their safety. also sees mc as mc and was even kinda disgusted(? idk a better word for this💀💀) by the fact that a part of solomons soul can be sensed in them, almost as if he doesnt want it to be in the way of mc. also wasnt afraid to call out the fact that sitri kept calling mc solomon. and ofc the love at first sight thing is great too but also the bodyworship (or ig faceworship bc he only just kissed mc's entire face??) before the confession like UGH... absolutely weak for that man (devil?). idk i dont rlly see that many mammon fans rlly anywhere and it saddens me hes such a good char outside of just having huge tibbies. srsly tho pb pls we get it he has huge tits you dont need to constantly bring it up the char sprite is literally right in front of us-

cant wait for the next chapter w the big lore dump abt mammon and hope we finally get a pt 2 of his h scene (hopium)

no srsly he's the only king w 1 h scene, satan and levi got 2,, WHERE IS MAMMON'S PT 2

as a side comment also i love the silly banter btwn mammon and satan like they are truly besties from the cross on their foreheads to matching skill names to the amnt of times they throw hands and still hang out and care for each other

beel - hes ok ig? i think lore-wise hes gonna be one of the more interesting ones considering how "mysterious" he is i.e. constantly wandering, almost being an absent king. like what led to the constant wandering? what did andrealphus mean when he said beel is the key to ending the war? how does his cloning work? i kinda feel bad for bael and the other nobels needing to manage everything while beels away but i don't rlly hate him for it? at least not now considering we don't rlly know the definite reason and i want to assume the best and say he has a valid reason for being absent so he could protect his region. hate is a strong word ig its more of a slight dislike towards beel, but its like this 🤏 small of a dislike im still overall neutral abt him

levi - falling into the majority from the poll i have to agree that levi is my least fav king also lol. i get where he's coming from and why he acts the way he does, i just dont like how he's written? or ig moreso how he's written in the perspective of mc. tho tbh that's more of an mc issue than a levi issue, but i got pretty tired of the story constantly reminding us how pretty levi is (similar to how we always get reminded of how big mammon is/how huge mammons tits are). idk its like a gut feeling to not like/trust him. i also just don't really vibe w him in general even before we were actually introduced to him in main story. hes a good attacker gameplay-wise tho lol

so yeah, those are my thoughts for now. ofc they could change in the future when we get more info abt all of them but we'll see

[slytherinbarnes]

writing updates + requests are open

hiiiiii sweet loves!

i know, i know, i've been v absent, but i have been writing (albeit v slowly) and wanted to give you guys an update on my WIPs. I also wanted to let you know that for the first time, I'm taking requests for short drabbles and one shots, so read on if you're interested for more details!!!

writing updates:

okay, i've got a few WIPs, and some are further along than others.

the most likely contender for my next posted series will be my star wars rewrite series with the choose your own ending, which is about 65% finished! i thought about starting to post now bc i have about 30 chapters finished, but i think i want to push on and finish it up first so i can give multiple updates without any lags (since my writing hasnt been as fast as it ws during quarantine)

my grounder!reader x bellamy series is probably next up. it's about 15% done at this point, but it's shorter than the other works i have planned and it's already completely plotted out so i think that's where i'll progress next.

my harry potter rewrite is also about 15% finished, but is planned to be muchhhhhh longer (might get up there with sub rosa tbh) so i think it'll be a bigger monster to finish, though it is pretty solidly plotted and I have a bunch of random scenes finished.

i've also got a dune rewrite and a marvel rewrite in the works, though both are pretty bare bones for now. i've been planning a big bucky barnes rewrite for agessssss, but i want to explore the legal side of a bucky barnes trial so i've been trying to decide if that'll be its own thing or included in one large rewrite.

i also would love to do a yelena belova series of some sort, but havent made much progress there. it could make its way into one giant marvel rewrite and be a kinda poly situation if people are interested!

requests are open!!!

okay so i keep forgetting that i can write like, little things?? my brain is always pretty solidly in series mode but i used to churn out drabbles on an old blog like crazy, so i'd like to do that again just so i'm posting more frequently!

i'm open to writing smut, and i write for marvel, the 100, star wars, and harry potter. i'm also down for fluff or angst or any other things you might want. i prefer reader insert based requests, but i won't count out pairings of characters bc you never know when inspiration will strike.

any other questions, just ask!!! okay ily ily ily guys so fucking much!!! hope you're all doing well!

[another-white-void]

And here it is, the list of my fav Iron Widow moments! Enjoy?

As always feel free to discuss with me or share your favorite moments!!

It's below the cut bcs spoilers

- chapter 5, I figured that I could note my fav moments of this book as well XD

- starting on not the best note, I fucking hate Yang Guang, I hate him so much, I want to rip his guts out,

- chapter 8, the fight was so epic!! I love how MC just kinda forgor about the whole dying thing and went with the flow

- and that she killed that motherfucker! I didn't have to tolerate him for too long >:D

- it's honestly quite funny that Qin Zheng was killed by pox (I hope I'm getting the name of the illness right lol, I'm reading this in Polish translation and have 0 knowledge about any medical terminology in English)

- just a note but it's harder for me to keep up with those notes for Iron Widow than for Qian Qiu. I think it's because 1. its pace is faster 2. its chapters are shorter. so anyway

- chapter 10, Wu Zetian just needs to scream 24/7 and I respect it so much

- chapter 12, idk, Li Shimin is kinda cute

- I also like strategist Zhuge but that may be just because he has a fan

- chapter 13, those qi power statistic are so untrustworthy lol. I wouldn't be so happy to have so much higher qi stats than the average if the margin of error is like 17k

- chapter 14, damn, I miss Yizhi...

- chapter 19, oh my god, Yizhi is back!! T^T

- I absolutely love all the tiny historical details in this story. I'm probably missing a lot but those which I can catch are amazing (and satisfying, good to know that I know something about Chinese history after all that learning)

- chapter 20, OMG YIZHI IS BI?? IS THIS FINALLY SOME GOOD BI REP??

- ZETIAN IS ALSO BI?? AM I IN HEAVEN? WHAT'S GOING ON??

- omg Gao Yizhi grabbing Li Shimin's leash is one of the things I need to draw, damn, it paints such a clear picture in my mind

- chapter 21, Sima Yi is just a hater by nature and I start to enjoy it,

- chapter 23, Yizhi screaming "you can't shoot me I'm rich!!!" I love this boy

- chapter 29, god, Yizhi, Shimin and Zetian are sooo cute

- also "one traumatized Xing Tian", that made me laugh out loud

- "usually adding qi of a third person only strengthened the dissonance (...) no one knows why we succeeded" yeah I wonder why, hmmmmmm

- chapter 30, MY BABYGIRL LI SHIMIN GOT CALLED AN ALPHA MALE I'M DYINGGG

- I kinda like Gao Qiu. I know he's probably bad news but damn, he's fun

- also a Wu Zetian fan nr1, seeing his reaction I'm surprised that he didn't ask for an autograph (I forgot that he's sexist af)

- tho, tbh, I think he's more afraid of what he can't control than purely sexist; interesting guy, I want to dissect him,

- I wonder if anything happened between LSM and GYZ during that party at Gao's, hmm,

- chapter 31, OUR THIRD PARTNER YIZHI, AWWW

- chapter 36, I actually think Sima Yi might be one of my fav characters? come on, the guy came to the wedding just because he wanted to support his little dumdums

- chapter 39, YES FUCK AN LUSHAN

- damn I didn't think they'll actually kill him. oh well. he won't be missed. judging by his character, even his son won't miss him

- Yizhi is the wife in this throuple, isn't he /jk

- OMG THE TRIANGLE IS FINISHED, THAT WAS SO CUTE!! WAAH

- chapter 42, I like how Wu Zetian's reaction to something not going well is just "maybe we should burn ourselves alive actually", relatable queen

- Sima Yi just lost his good guy badge. he better have a damn good excuse for abondoning MCs this easily,

- chapter 44, QIN PIERDOLONY ZHENG, już zawsze będę go tak nazywać 🫡

- chapter 46, is Qin Pierdolony Zheng playing snake with hunduns instead of apples¿?

- I still can't believe that Shimin is actually dead. Like. Dead dead. Super dead. Human marmalade dead. How... why him T^T

- chapter 47, I love how among all this death and destruction the worst problem Qin Pierdolony Zheng has is inflation,

- epilogue, DID SHIMIN BECOME A GOD PLS TELL ME HE BECAME A GOD

- Qin Pierdolony Zheng has a beef with gods, I think he's the most rel character now