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#bc people are socialized the way they are and that affects all their experiences
dingusships · 1 year
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bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
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likedovesinthewindd · 10 months
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peter parker wirh a black cat! gf (blinks and flutters eyelashs)
of course dear. i decided to write a few ideas down instead of like a fic i hope you don't mind.
peter parker x fem!reader
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★ You've heard just about every rumor concerning you. The ideas that people had about you and how they perceived you. You were often described as mean-looking, intimidating or even off-putting.
★ You didn't try correcting them either, it didn't particularly bother you. It bothered Peter, though. He'd always tell you how he didn't like the way people saw you, and made it his daily mission to correct any person unfortunate enough to say anything bad about you in his presence.
★ He defended your honor better than you did yourself, and in return he'd always get the same replies:
"She seems so mean, though." "What do you two have in common anyway?" "Does she ever talk?"
★ Yes, he'd think. You do talk, a lot actually, though that was usually reserved for your closest friends and family, a group Peter fortunately found himself in. He knew everyone else knew she talked too, they'd see her talking with Peter every morning when they make their way through school, her soft hand in his as she rambled about whatever lay heavy on her heart.
★ And he'd listen attentively, giving pointers where he thought necessary and laughing at the joke or two you'd always throw in. He'd walk you to whatever class you have, greeting you goodbye with a chaste yet affectionate hug. You'd spare him a small smile, and as soon as you made your way into class, the smile would disappeared, giving those around you slight whiplash at the sudden change.
★ A party wasn't something you often found yourself at, the idea alone enough to deter you completely. You much rather preferred the company of your boyfriend, him being one of the few people you enjoyed being around. In this way you were similar, because he himself wasn't the most social person around and he understood that you didn't always want to be around a lot of people, so he'd never say no to night in with his favorite person.
★ He brought the best out of you; one of the few people fortunate enough to experience your unabashed humor and personality, and relish in your affection--reserved just for him. In return he doted on you; dousing you in an ocean of unconditional love and utter adoration. Perhaps this was his way of telling you he admired you, just as you are; regardless of whoever's opinion of you. Because in all honesty, when did Peter ever care about anyone's opinion?
a/n: might write a bit more on this bc this is so little.
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lakesbian · 10 months
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💝 for Rachel (for the ask meme)
💝 A headcanon about their love language
yeah these are def just shaping up to be analysis of canon vs. headcanons for most of 'em because we already have interesting canon answers for a lot of these questions but that's ok because that's fun too. this is gonna be a bit messy bc i'm real tired but anyway:
the long and short of it is that she's a dog. she loves like a dog. and i love how that behavior interacts w/ the specific way taylor is fucked up. it is So meaningful and compelling. taylor is for the most part absolutely incapable of admitting or even noticing when something has hurt her, let alone reaching out for support. she's very similar to brian in the sense that people verbally acknowledging that she's upset (generally synonymous with 'weak' in her mind) is intolerable to her, because ignoring and repressing that emotion is critical to her ability to force herself to stay standing & push herself thru the agony to achieve what she wants to achieve. there's this moment during the echidna fight where she sees wards verbally checking in w/ each other and she thinks that she's glad that her team would never ask if she's okay because she wouldn't be able to stop from breaking down if they did.
and the thing abt rachel's love language is that she's Direct About Everything All Of The Time Forever because she doesn't know how not to be. but it's not in a "asking if someone is okay" way, because even that is a level of indirectness, of giving someone the option to say "yes" and reject comfort! she instead directly notices when taylor isn't okay, and moves straight to offering comfort without forcing taylor to experience the weakness of admitting that she needs it. she's not great with words--she frequently feels frustrated by not knowing how to communicate what she wants to communicate--so instead she shows love through simple, blatant acts of physical affection, devotion, and trust. she's the equivalent of a big ole dog that just silently huffs and climbs into your lap when you're sad, and you can't do a damn thing about it because you're getting cuddled now and that's just how it is. she doesn't force taylor to acknowledge the situation to her, she simply notices when taylor needs a hand to hold and very firmly grabs taylor's hand. she's silently, unobtrusively understanding. she sees things as they are, and responds not with social niceties, but with firm and direct kindness. if you start crying while she's sitting next to you, she won't make a big deal out of it, she'll just keep sitting next to you. and that's exactly what taylor needs--affection and comfort sans expectations for her to have any sort of coherent explanation or conduct.
the devotion & trust is also Sooo. auugh. ough. when taylor turns herself into the PRT and she's unquestionably faithful that taylor has a plan, regards everyone else like they're idiots for having even the slightest sliver of doubt in her. during gold morning, when she willingly steps into taylor's field of control, saying that taylor is smart & to let her do what she needs to do. there's this moment during the behemoth fight that i think a lot about where rachel says "you have a plan" in response to taylor, y'know, having a plan, and taylor sort of confusedly reads it as smug & then satisfied without really grasping why. and the reason why is that rachel has put up with so much social bullshit she doesn't understand--the way the undersiders interact w/ her, coil, the prt--and taylor, without fail, has made things make sense. she's the only undersider to successfully speak to rachel on terms she fully understands, the one to kill coil, the one who soundly trounces the heroes every time. whenever things are confusing or scary or nonsensical, taylor, smart and strong taylor, fixes them with her plans. the earth is cracking and coming apart around them, because There's A Fucking Kaiju, but it's okay, because taylor is there, and rachel knows taylor will always make sure things turn out alright. genuinely doglike levels of unquestionable devotion, where there are ways she understands taylor more intimately than anyone else on the planet, and there are ways she can never understand taylor, but she still unquestionably trusts her enough to place her life in her hands. taylor even remarks that rachel trusts her too much when she steps into her radius during gold morning--and the reason that rachel trusts her too much is because she trusts like a dog trusts their person. i've seen ppl say that taylor is rachel's dog, but no, rachel is 100% taylor's dog. she loves that girl like a dog would. it rocks. autism forever.
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morose-marble · 3 months
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Incoherent ramble bc I have the brain worms about Apo
I am very annoying and also unwell, which is why I have taken to scrubbing through a not-insubstantial amount of episodes from Apo's lakorns (without subtitles) to form some kind of picture of what kind of roles he was cast in while employed by channel 3, and sending screen caps to literally anyone with a messaging app in my immediate social circle (they are in hell, thanks for asking). So, now that I have run out of people to torment with my obsessive tendencies, I am left with posting into the void on good ole tungle dot com.
So far, it seems that Apo's bread and butter was a wholesome, boy next door, nong type character (this is based on quite shaky interpretations of Sut Khaen Saen Rak, Buang Banjathorn, Chaat Payak and Prakasit Khammatep) with some exceptions, such as Tiang in Chat Suer Pun Mungkorn, a hot-headed young gangster. These aside, I have not yet formed a comprehensive understanding of his profile as an actor, as I can't seem to get my hands on some of the dramas at all.
The aforementioned roles were all supporting ones, and I could only find episodes for one of his two lead parts, that of Pong Khun Boon Jirakit in Pra Teap Rak Hang Jai, an enemies to lovers story(?). His character sells artisanal traditional Thai silk(?) and ends up falling for a rich woman (Preeyakarn Jaikanta) down on her luck who needs to become independent and better herself as a person(?). Quite a straightforward premise. (He wears a bunch of plaid in the show, he looks uncomfortable.)
Now. What I have noticed about Apo's career in supporting parts is that the male leads he supports are very...narrowly masculine, in comparison to him. Apo has talked about having faced homophobia/general cishet discriminatory nonsense in the industry at that time, and flicking through these shows really illuminates how rigid the concept of a lakorn romantic male lead was (maybe still is, I don't know). Obviously, I gathered that lakorn gender roles were a tad more conservative, but I still struggled slightly with understanding why Apo was treated the way he was, bc I feel like he is relatively conventionally masculine (my european perspective impacts my perception of what constitutes normative gender roles, I know) to the point where picking up on any ~queer~ vibes would be a gays only event. However, I feel like I get it a bit better now.
Apo is very handsome. He is also beautiful in a way that a lot of these leads aren't. They are pointedly conventionally masculine, not necessarily hypermasculine, but going towards that direction, something that is emphasised by their role in the narrative and acting style. Lots of stoicism and displays of quiet suffering and anger. I know, it's very reductive to place gendered presentations onto a spectrum etc etc, but if one were to operate within rigidly delineated binary requirements for gender presentation that exist in media (and society, there's nuance), Apo does not quite fit the criteria of a leading man within the given parameters. Which is terrible, of course. I can absolutely understand why Apo got fed up with the industry and decided to leave it all behind.
Additionally, as pointed out above with the repeated archetypal character traits, I feel that he did not get to flex his acting muscles in the narratives of these shows, which is another thing he has commented on, though maybe not in those words exactly.
Thinking about all of this makes his recent successes with Kinnporsche and Man Suang terribly interesting and delicious. I recognise that narrativising a celebrity's experiences as an affective story like this is mad parasocial brain rot behaviour, but the idea of him taking something that he was disparaged for earlier on in his career (perceived queerness) and turning it into a factor of him surpassing that which held him back is very attractive in a story sense. Like, what a triumph?
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense or if this is completely old news to everyone, but for some reason I had to get it out somewhere. I'll probably read this back in the morning and cringe mightily.
Anyway. What an interesting time to follow his advancement and the changes in the Thai BL industry, namely the increased attention from the government. I have fears, but I don't know how to articulate them yet. Therefore, I will focus on enjoyment for the time-being.
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yaoiboypussy · 4 months
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Recently I was on call with some transmasc online friends and one of them asked “what are y’alls opinions of people who say female socialization isn't real” - and it started a long debate. All the responses they gave made me realize they don’t actually know what people mean when they say “male/female socialization isn’t real”. A lot of them responded that they felt that saying female socialization isn’t real erased their trauma with being raised female/as a woman, or that it ignored the things pushed onto kids who are assigned female at birth. 
I’ve seen similar things expressed by trans men/transmascs - especially on tumblr in transmasc/trans man circles. So i’m going to post the explanation I gave to my friends that made them understand. (this is word for word copy pasted from the message I sent, so there is refences to things people said in the group chat btw.) :
I want y’all to know that when people say “male/female socialization isn’t real” they aren’t saying “Transmasc/Trans men’s trauma from being sexualized and having societal rules and expectations pushed on them because of their agab isn’t real” they are saying “There is no universal experience based on sex. The way that trans people and cis people internalize and interpret the societal rules and expectations they are taught based on agab is different and socialization is a life-long thing. As trans people discover their gender, come out, and transition they are still experiencing socialization.”  Like i get y'all have histories with people ignoring the trauma y'all got from the rules, expectations, and ideas forced on you by society bc of your agab, so I sorta understand the jump to hurt and anger when you think that's happening. But y'all need to be listening to other trans people - especially trans women - when they tell you certain ideas are transphobic/transmisogynistic.
Half the stuff y’all listed as examples of 'female socialization' like being sexualized, having your experiences being ignored by men, having your autonomy being taken away, being forced to over perform femininity, and having to be careful about your words or else you’d be labeled as a ‘crazy bitch’ are all things trans women experience too, it's not 'female exclusive'. That stuff is just misogyny. The other stuff y’all listed aren’t ‘universal female experiences’ but very specifically trans experiences. Cis women don’t hear “in the future you’ll be a beautiful woman and be married to a husband” and start thinking something is wrong with them because they don’t want to be a woman, and start fearing their future because they think they will be forced to be a woman - that's a trans thing. Your relationship with your sex and the expectations forced on you because of your sex as a trans person is wildly different then a Cis person’s. Also saying ‘female socialization’ is real is saying ‘male socialization’ is real. The whole idea of 'male socialization' is terf BS abt how trans women being 'raised as male' means they are just as violent, misogynistic, and bigoted as cis men. Which isn’t true, just as the things y’all were taught affected y’all differently than cis women, the stuff trans women were taught growing up also affected them differently than cis men. 'male socialization' Ignores how trans women experiences with gender, misogyny, and transphobia causes them to have different experiences with socialization then cis men. Plus trans women, just like us, also have trauma related to being forcibly raised as their agab and the expectations of their agab being forced onto them. They aren't ignoring our trauma when they say "The idea of male/female socialization is transmisogynistic." - they are saying the lens which y'all interpret your experiences and trauma is a flawed one.
Socialization is life long, y’all have talked about how you have had to change your behavior around cis people when you came out as trans - thats socialization!! “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to their social position”  <- dictionary.com. Y'all are experiencing socialization that Cis women never get, so y'all's experiences with socialization aren't 'female'.
Y'all's experiences and traumas are real, but they aren't 'female socialization'. It's being a trans person raised in a misogynistic, transphobic, and cisnormative world. Your experiences with being forced to fit into a box based on your agab is something that Cis women don't experience. And if you spent some time around trans women you'd realize they have some similar experiences and trauma.
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spacelazarwolf · 1 year
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ngl i fucking hate most conversations around “socialization” bc there’s like three ways it goes: 1. they assert that all trans people were socialized as whatever gender they were assigned at birth with no nuance or exception, 2. they assert that all trans people were socialized as whatever binary gender they most closely relate to, or 3. they assert that all trans people were “socialized trans.” and like. idk how to get it through y’all’s heads that socialization is a wildly fickle and individual experience.
i am autistic. i am also a trans man. i was socialized female. the mask i developed, the social rules i was given to follow, they were for women. the way i learned to speak, to interact with others, the way my life was supposed to go, it was based on how a woman should sound, should look, should feel, should act, should live. i didn’t realize i was some flavor of trans until i was in my mid 20’s, and didn’t realize i was a trans man until i was 28. i’m only 7 months on t and still do not pass. there is literally no planet on which i was “socialized male.” i was also not “socialized trans” because i didn’t even know being trans was an option until well into adulthood. i was given no other option than to conform to gender norms, so i didn’t spend my youth and teen years being bullied for being gender non conforming because i quite literally was just not allowed to be gender non conforming. when people insist i wasn’t socialized female, it erases the trauma i experienced from growing up with such strict gender roles, it ignores the fact that i have had to put in active effort as an autistic adult to start the process of unmasking (which is exhausting and traumatizing) before i can even begin to learn a “male mask” that will be safer in public if i start to pass. it ignores everything about my individual life and boils me down to my genitals, which i could have sworn we didn’t like when ppl did.
does that mean that everyone’s experience has to be exactly like mine? fuck no. there are plenty of trans people who come out very young and do get to grow up presenting as their actual gender and therefore are “socialized” as that gender. there are plenty of trans people who have always been gender non conforming and therefore experienced a lot of backlash that gender conforming cis people of the same assigned gender at birth wouldn’t have. there are as many trans experiences as there are trans people. and this doesn’t even begin to take into account things like race or ethnicity or fatness (hoo boy did that affect gender shit for me) or disability or any other kinds of intersections of identity.
basically, we have got to stop acting like there is a way to determine what a trans person’s experience has been based on nothing but their assigned gender at birth or gender identity.
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adhd-worlds · 10 months
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Which diagnostic criteria are you referencing when you say that ADHD and autism don't have an overlap? As far as I've seen, they do: sensory issues, perception, executive function issues, and so on.
I have two answers for you. The short answer is:
That is simply not true at all. Two Google searches ("autism DSM-V criteria" and "ADHD DSM-V criteria") can easily disprove that.
The long answer is as follows:
I saw you got diagnosed with ADHD recently and congrats! idk about your assessment, but mine didn't ask me about my sensory issues. Nor do they ask about my perception on social cues, or the way I understand things. Most of the questions were geared towards executive dysfunction, how my life has been affected BC I get distracted or the things I struggle with or questions about being hyperactive and impulsive.
Because those questions get the answers needed to see if someone meets the ADHD criteria. The only time they did ask questions about social cues, imagination, sensory issues etc etc was on the pre-assessment questionnaire I had to fill in, there was a part for an autism study,,, it wont even be used or brought up my assessment, it's just that some dude is working with the clinic doing a study.
The overlap that ppl are seeing/report on is more than likely due to the fact that ADHD and autism are comorbid and there are a lot more ppl who have both rather than one or the other. Some countries and areas will only give ppl the diagnosis for one of these and not let them get tested for the other. Other countries, such as Wales, won't let autism folks get annADHD diagnosis because the NHS there sees ADHD as a stepping stone to an autism diagnosis. Some healthcare systems only believe you can have one not both.
Outside of that, there will be people who are more affected by their autism than their ADHD and vice versa and don't realise they have both. So, for eg, when they see autistic people saying "oh, I have autism and I experience these things" and they relate to it,,, they assume it's because there's this massive overlap. But if the overlap was that great, it would be much harder to diagnose ppl with one or the other. It's more than likely that they need to do some research into autism away from the idea of "it's similar to ADHD" and see if they relate to it.
There are a lot of ppl with ADHD who refuse the idea of having autism BC deep down, they have a lot ableist beliefs about autism and it's time for the ADHD community to stop doing that.
TL;DR: ADHD and autism have two very distinct lists of criteria that don't overlap. Even the testing doesn't really focus on (if at all) the criteria for the other dx. Most ppl don't know they have both or think that it's a possibility BC they are (unknowingly) ableist towards autism, haven't read into ADHD properly, their healthcare system doesn't allow for both dx, the list goes on.
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wonyscafe · 2 years
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my observations ✿𝆬 aspects + a few asteroids
↳ Please note that these are my own, personal observations and that they're all from my own experiences!! <33
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
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─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
𓂃 ִֶָ︰People with sun conjunct jupiter laugh so much and find everything humorous
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ascendant square venus 🤝🏻 not being able to pick one certain aesthetic
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with a gemini juno have such a cute and spontaneous love language :(
𓂃 ִֶָ︰idc what you say, asteroid aphrodite conjunct venus are so damn gorgeous
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with saturn opposite ascendant might have family problems
𓂃 ִֶָ︰lmao calling myself out w this one but sun conjunct venus really REALLY cares ab their social relationships
𓂃 ִֶָ︰venus sextile jupiter fall in love very quickly
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ I once had a lil fling with someone who had their pluto trine lilith, and I didn't even know that this person was in a relationship?? My friend also had this with someone who ALSO had that exact same aspect…
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I know many people with mars trine pluto and they are always very good leaders
𓂃 ִֶָ︰ALSO I have a close friend of mine and he has his asteroid nemesis in the 11th house and he has beef w so many people 💀
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I'm a sucker for good communication skills, so no wonder that I'm always drawn to people with cupido in aquarius
𓂃 ִֶָ︰mercury square mc are so curious 😦 I have a 9th house stellium (plus mercury in 9th house) and I can say with CONFIDENCE that people w thid aspect are more curious than me
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with moon conjunct neptune make me a bit scared… like how are you this dreamy… how are you so empathetic… what's your number…
𓂃 ִֶָ︰omg I have a friend w venus conjunct saturn and she's so bad at showing affection?? I don't mind bc I know she cares ab me but do other people with this aspect have the same thing??
𓂃 ִֶָ︰off topic but virgo & taurus placements give mirrorball vibes (the taylor song)
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with asteroid industria in virgo might become dieticians
𓂃 ִֶָ︰I've noticed how individuals with saturn square ascendant often aren't taken seriously by people (honorable mention: leo moon)
𓂃 ִֶָ︰people with moon square jupiter tend to be too… too much for me sometimes- like there's alot going on- idk
𓂃 ִֶָ︰individuals with mercury sextile saturn give really interesting speeches and just the way they talk is so interesting
𓂃 ִֶָ︰another thing about mercury sextile saturn is that they also make excellent leaders
𓂃 ִֶָ︰no cuz people with moon opposite pluto somehow have a rather… complicated relationship with their mother
𓂃 ִֶָ︰and finally I would like to give a shoutout to all the venus sextile jupiter natives out there, you guys are seriously the life of the party
↳ a/n : Man school has really been putting a huge amount of pressure on me :( being stuco secretary makes it even worse :') I'll try to note down as many observations as I can!! Thank you for your patience ♡
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Therianthropy Alphabet
credit to @local-xenogender-icon for the alphabet!
A - awakening
I always remember running around pretending to be a deer and always drawing/seeing myself as a deer. I used to push these away when I was older and never thought about it until I realized that therianthropy was a thing and I wasn’t the only one experiencing it. After that I narrowed my theriotype down to a caribou (yes, I know there are subspecies but they’re all very similar so I just say caribou).
B - balance
My therianthropy affects the way I communicate with other people, and my hobbies. It doesn’t affect my work/school/life balance as much, aside from little “quirks” like being afraid of loud noises, being very attached to people, etc
C - city
I don’t live in a city, I live in a rural area, which I’m very grateful for.
D - diary
I do have an alter human diary! It’s mostly just documenting shifts or drawing, and also functions as a regular journal.
E - experience in the community
I’ve had an extremely positive experience in the alterhuman community on Tumblr, and I’m eternally grateful for this because it helped me untangle my therianthropy identity and figure out who I am. Other social media platforms, not so much.
F - friends
None of my friends know I’m a therian, but I have a friend who is a furry who I think suspects.
G - gear
I don’t really feel the need for gear, but I get why people like it. If I had enough money, I might look into buying something, but mostly gear is centered around foxes/wolves/cats, and it would be hard to find caribou gear. I would have to buy a commission which is very expensive.
I - identity
I only have one theriotype, which is a caribou. I’ve yet to meet another caribou, but I have met so many other deer, who have all been super cool!
J - jokes
I love making little jokes about my identity, because it is very silly if you think about it.
K - knowldege
On a scale of 1-10, I would say my knowledge of alterhumanity is a 7 or 8. I still have a lot to learn.
L - liking, loving
I don’t think I could’ve had a “better” theriotype, a caribou is a lovely animal that I am grateful to be.
N - nature
My theriotype lives in northern parts of North America, and in Europe. They are migratory, so they don’t have one specific territory or anything.
O - otherhearted
Tbh I don’t really know the difference between otherhearted and therianthropy but I don’t think I’m otherhearted.
P - popularity
My theriotype isn’t very popular (unless it’s Christmas). Fun fact: in North America, caribou are called reindeer when they’re domesticated, but in Europe, they’re always called reindeer.
R - real body
I get species dysphoria from time to time.
S - sex
I never really thought about the sex of my theriotype? It’s kind of hard to tell really.
T - traits
-fear of loud noises/sudden noise
-foraging for food (gardening mostly)
-head butting things
-communicating with grunts, moving my head, pointing with my feet, or flicking my “ears” (that don’t exist bc phantom shift)
-running/hiking in the woods and swimming
-flight instinct
Urges
I think this question was centered more towards therians with prey drive instincts, because my urges are mostly just to run away, swim in random bodies of water, eat the grass, and restlessness.
W - wondering
Leaving the question here for context: “How do you think you would look like, if you could psychically shapeshift into your therio/kintype? (Describe or put an image here!)”
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Y - yarn
Leaving this question for context too: “If you wanted to buy/make a tail, would it be real fur or fake/yarn fur?”
Caribou don’t have tails…
Z - zoo (as in the place)
I like zoos that are there for protection of a species or rehabilitation. I think there can be a lot of abuse involved, though.
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youremyheaven · 4 days
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Hello, seeing the conversation I'd like to share my own experience with a bharani native, one of my best friends was a bharani moon, venus and rahu stellium in the 2nd house. Shes very intelligent and talented in mathematics, she was popular in school, and someone always had a crush on her. She was never interested though, as she is aromantic and asexual.
I do not mean to bad mouth her or say that she is a terrible person, Humans are complex and I still have a lot of affection for her since we were best friends since childhood but our relationship turned sour similarly as others have expressed concerning bharani natives.
As soon as I hit a low point in my mental health, she started distancing herself from me. She was always very uncomfortable with expressing her emotions and even more so with handling others, but she basically abandoned me in my time of need. It was quite traumatizing and I honestly felt betrayed by her since we were so close. She herself admitted in the future that she did me extremely wrong, we reconnected for a bit, but her emotionally immature and uncaring, cold attitude and mentally persisted in our early young adulthood.
Me and her were also very close with a magha moon and rising girl, we were basically inseparable for years, but she started to treat her with the same coldness as she did me for seemingly no reason. She also did the same to my other pushya girl best friend for no reason. My magha best friend had a conversation with her and she thought they buried the hatchet, we invited her for our magha friend's birthday but she ended up canceling the exact same day citing a BS excuse. She continued to do this 3 more times for her birthday and my mother's birthday.
She was/is the easily bored, emotionally distant type, but we always worked around that in our dynamic, and this behavior was unacceptable. The last time she canceled coming to our friend's birthday, THE VERY SAME DAY, I finally snapped. I was just so upset at her dishonesty, because she clearly didn't want to go/didn't care, but she still accepted to go Everytime! It was like having a deadbeat father for a best friend! I was so angry cause I just wanted her to be truthful, wanted her to just admit she didn't want to go/didn't care for our friendship anymore, but she didn't even respond to that.
It was just very traumatizing to experience how someone you loved so much could stop loving you in an instant, made you wonder if they even loved or cared for you in the first place, the three of us were basically sisters, I always imagined her at my wedding, my graduation, my life.
So yeah, sorry for trauma dumping, but I think the casual coldness of bharani needs to be studied, cause why are some of them like that 😭
DUUUUDE 😭😭😭😭 i literally have two Bharani friends who are just like this lol 🥲ngl it did traumatize me at one point but then I stopped expecting anything from them and stopped reaching out and honestly it's all better that way. Tysm for sharing your experience because I thought having bad experiences with Venusian women (and mostly pleasant experiences with Venusian men) was a me thing 😬. I think people talk a lot about Venusian charisma, social charm and hospitality but forget to mention how cold, uncaring and insensitive they can be. I think it's one manifestation of Venusian refinement, they discard people who aren't doing their best or feeling their best. Absolutely not people you want to reach out to when you're in a tough spot bc they won't gaf 🥲. It hurt me a lot when I'd call them up (in my case, I was always there for her, hyping her, cheering her, being her shoulder to lay on) and they'd act disinterested when I'm literally talking through tears?? She straight up told me she's tired and wants to sleep lol and then said "you know I'm not the type of friend who can comfort you" like 🤧okay??? I felt really used in those friendships and betrayed as well?? I remember one time this friend who frequently visits my city to hang out with her other friends and never meets me (we went 3ish years without talking at one point) called me one night to make plans for the next day and the next day morning she said "oh I'm busy rn let's meet by noon" and then at noon said she had something else going on and then i said I'm not interested in meeting lol . She always told me she couldn't reach out to me cause of her phone/network/social media whatever random excuse and I believed her cause I wanted to and then I spoke to a dude who's pretty close friends with her and he told me about how they always met each other whenever she was in town and always hung out??? and he was sharing stories of times they spend together and I was so?? shook?? like the same person who cannot reach out to me is hyperconnected to some random guy ?? My other Venusian friend told me she stopped talking to her close friend after she started experiencing health issues and then got surgery??? I do think Venusians only want to stick around for the good times, they're like "party friends" but they're completely unreliable when it comes to anything that isn't fun for them. Venusians are the type to treat people as disposable and then get mad when others treat them that way lol . They're used to believing they're irreplaceable but truth be told, everybody can be replaced esp toxic, rude and negative people. I think I strongly dislike Venusian women bc they're so absorbent?? They love to take from others without giving in return. But it's interesting to me how Venusian men are the opposite?? They love to give endlessly even tho they do expect their partner to match their energy and be receptive to them and not shut them out?? It also makes sense as to why Venusian men are drawn to Venusian women bc the women can be pretty self absorbed and draw in their energy. They're good at receiving without guilt or remorse, they receive like that's what God made them to do.
Edit: a girl in college who "discarded" me has Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka lol, astrology never lies
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aibidil · 6 months
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been thinking about the socialization into gendered bodily comportment and autism
so we know that little girls have a lot of "gender appropriate" bodily comportment to learn—keep your knees together, don't let your underwear show when you're playing, don't speak too loud/bossy, what to do with your hair. When you're a bit older, the socialization into gendered and sexualized bodily comportment—how you hold yourself wrt your breasts, cocking a hip or swaying hips, putting your hand on your hip™️ during photos, makeup norms. All of these things are explicitly taught/enforced by both adults and peers, but they're also, and to an enormous extent, absorbed through observation and exposure irl and through media.
and we know that autistics often find it difficult/painful to socialize/normalize our bodies. Autistics are less aware of our bodily cues (interoception), often have increased bodily sensory needs (stimming, avoiding certain feelings/textures/fabrics), and have overactive nervous systems. We also are really bad at intuiting the social expectations AND we're unlikely to do things because someone just said to do it ("why? says who? does that make sense?") AND we're often allergic to demands that we perceive to threaten our authenticity or autonomy.
If you put these together... oh. There are so many reasons why autistic people are more likely to be queer (we reject the binaries bc when we interrogate them, they don't pass the bs test, etc), but this suggests to me that we're often also just BAD at performing gender. (Not always! Some autistics study gender and then don it like armor.)
But if you're bad at performing gender, that's inherently going to affect the way you relate to gender both personally and theoretically.
I can't tell you how often little aib was told to put her legs together. It never, ever stuck. Not because I wanted to buck gender norms (at the time), but because there's no way to ever get that rule through my head and into my body. I would never in a million years remember that. And even if I did try in a given moment (bc someone was policing me or because I was wearing a short skirt or something), it would be absolutely EXCRUCIATING to sit "properly"! I could never continue to sit properly if not actively trying to maintain it.
If you've had this experience, how could you not reject gender? It's almost like the entire gendered system is hostile to autistic bodies/minds.
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valravn72 · 9 months
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Disabled Xion Flags!!
For funsies :3
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Alright to use without credit, just please reblog if saving/using!!! Thank youuuu 🫶
Reasons for my disabled Xion headcanon below the cut (the summary bc otherwise I will go all day):
Xion is obsessed with “usefulness” and only considers illness in light of how it will affect her productivity or burden others
Xion is also very preoccupied with whether or not she is worthy of existence
Xion experiences chronic episodes of dizziness, migraines, fatigue and fainting. This comes from how her body reacts to her paradoxical existence and how the state of that existence relates to the simultaneous nature of Sora, Roxas and Naminé
The way her body attacks itself because it knows something is wrong is so so real as a disability allegory immune systems be like that
She collects shells!!! And stims with them by rubbing them!!! And gives people them as her love language!!! Autism!!!! And she carries them around in her big dramatic coat pockets! Me frrrrr
Also having Nobodies as a dissociation/low empathy allegory effects her character a lot, including how she and Roxas don’t really understand most phrases and social norms… autisma…!…
She spends a lot of time in bed recovering from fainting episodes and dizzy spells
Roxas’s comas usually have clear causes that correlate with events such as Sora being put to sleep, but for Xion it’s usually just because she’s in burnout. My girl’s a spoonie
Another autism moment is how ???? her gender is. She’s widely considered to be a trans allegory and autistic people are statistically more likely to experience gender in abnormal ways/be nonbinary so wahahaha my headcanons support each other that’s how right I am
The separation from her body that comes with finding out she is a replica is a good parallel with disability mourning (as well as dpdr and gender dysphoria)
She’s also very fixated on whether or not she is “real” and how she could become real and is referred to as an object or a doll/puppet by a lot of other characters, which is a big trope in disabled media
Overall her internalized dehumanization and ableism is a big part of her character
She also parrots back ableist things people have said to her in order to justify not asking for help, especially when Roxas and Axel try to convince her that she comes first
There’s some dialogue from other characters where several of them mention how they think she’s overworking herself and is too invested in seeking approval
Saïx calling her a “waste” is a big part of her character arc. As is losing to Riku, which is stupid because he’s older than her and has more experience
When Roxas gets sick she immediately recognizes him hiding his symptoms, working too hard and refusing help and begs him to be gentle with himself because she understands exactly what he’s going through
Her body and abilities are consistently depicted as being unstable in nature overall. Her magic and abilities are unreliable and can stop working for seemingly no reason
She also has a high sense of justice, starts out nonverbal, displays limited emotions when not having a breakdown and is very rule focused + takes what authority figures say at face value. My little yippee
She’s very quiet overall and also stays in her hood a lot, which is common for Nobodies to disguise her identities but she’s also very inexpressive when hooded and is only verbal with effort. She retreats into her hood when overwhelmed pretty consistently, especially when she doesn’t want to engage emotionally. In the manga she is shown to typically be expressionless when in this state.
She’s doomed by the narrative and she knows it
She was basically made as a backup in case Roxas and Sora couldn’t be useful to the organization, so her body is reacting to how there’s several pieces of herself missing and how they all exist simultaneously and effect each other constantly even though they’re all completely separate people. It’s implied that only absorbing Roxas and Sora would allow her to have a stable body. She opts to have Sora absorb her instead.
Anyway yeah this isn’t really a perfect explanation but this is the most I can do without writing another Jumbled Autism Dump essay. I hope it was legible and thank you for reading it lmao. I’m just excited to spread the gospel of spoonie Xion
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I'd like more drunk kaui liang pls if that's okay
That is delightful!
Koala Bear Kuai Liang has a reputation among the defenders for how cuddly he is, and while Hanzo is the one usually bearing the brunt of that, other characters have too.
Jax once had to deal with Kuai Liang hugging him for a full five minutes in dead silence
Frost has been picked up in a bear hug and swung about, much to her confusion (and joy bc lets be real, bbygirl is touch starved and craves affection)
Imagining that Liu Kang and Kung Lao never died (bc f that), Liu Kang once had to deal with Kuai Liang hanging off of his back like a cape (made difficult by the fact that Kuai Liang is about 7 inches taller than Liu Kang in my hc)
Kung Lao and Johnny have both made out with a drunk Kuai Liang (while also being drunk themselves and y'all, I got drunk headcanons for the whole roster if you want em, just say the word) and maintain that it was a heavenly experience
Kung Lao's exact words were "if I didn't know that Hanzo would burn me alive for it, I would be at Kuai Liang's doorstep begging to bed him.
Johnny has bedded him and seconds that sentiment
Kuai Liang is also a surprisingly good dancer when drunk, like no matter how many he's had he can still bust a move with the best of them (then he tries to walk normally and trips and falls on his face)
Tipsy Statue Kuai Liang also has a reputation, with there being an entire gc dedicated to pictures of him standing still and unblinking as he tries to hide the fact that he's tipsy.
Also gonna sneak my Autistic Kuai Liang headcanon into here bc I will die on this hill, but once he gets chatty he will infodump on the nearest person. Out of all the defenders, Sonya is the one who tolerates it best bc she's used to it from Johnny. Hanzo obviously is a close second, and only in second bc he keeps getting distracted by how pretty Kuai Liang is when his brown isn't constantly furrowed.
Further into the Autistic Kuai Liang headcanon, always has the urge to run his hands through Hanzo's hair as a stim but restrains himself. Until he gets drunk in which case his hands rarely ever leave Hanzo's hair
bless him but Hanzo is Struggling with that
Kuai Liang doesn't tend to do shots, But, he will if it is part of one of Johnny's games (I hc that he gets all the defenders together at his mansion every now and again as "team building")
his favorite shot is a jaeger bomb and his least favorite is tequila
He refuses to drink cocktails, not bc he doesn't like them but bc Johnny makes them strong enough to kill a man and the last time Kuai Liang drank one he very nearly made a Bad Decision (almost slept with an equally drunk Erron Black)
Slightly sad drunk Kuai Liang hc: the way he behaves when he is drunk is very similar to the personality he would have had if he had never been kidnapped by the Lin Kuei, like if he had lived a normal life he would be something like that. At least, that is how he thinks of it, even if the reality is somewhat different.
Side note: I might make a tier list of all the people Kuai Liang either has/will/would never drunkenly made out with if anyone is interested in that? lemme know
Whenever Kuai Liang drinks, he is around friends too, like that's not something he does on his own or in public for him it's only ever social. After a while, all the defenders kinda get to know how they all are when they're drunk so they look out for one another.
For Kuai Liang this usually means he's gently guided towards a bed whenever he starts looking sleepy, usually by Hanzo, and bc he's super tactile whoever it is has to hold his hand until he's fully asleep or he'll cry
It is, in fact, the only time any of them have ever seen him cry and they all hate the sight of it now and will avoid it at all costs.
I'm sure I can think of more later, so lemme know if you want them. I've also seen ppl on tumblr do a thing where they answer asks in character, I have no idea if I'd be good at that or if anyone wants to see that but if you have any questions for drunk (or sober) Kuai Liang, feel free to send them over?
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