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trohpi · 1 month

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Hiya ^^

I heard that you take one-shot requests with trans characters and so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out with this...

I git the idea bc I just got my fcking period (suxks as a trans person) and needed some comfort so I thought trans!Sirius (ftm) having his period after hogwarts where he and Remus live together and he feels like sh!t because he's bleeding out and it's giving him dysphoria and then Remus takes care of him and makes him hot chocolate.

I'd rely appreciate it. Thank you so much <3

hello!! hope youre feeling better, periods can be tough ik. this will actually be my first request, sorry it took longer than expected. i hope i did your idea justice and that you enjoy <3

wolfstar w/ ftm sirius • 2.4k words • cw: periods, dysphoria

cross-posted to ao3

Sirius wakes to the sound of incessant meowing and a low ache in his gut. Bleary-eyed and sleepy as he is, he doesn’t even register the pain at first. He shifts under rumpled sheets, mid-morning sun flooding the room and blinding him. A ball of splotchy tri-coloured fur sits in the window sill, pawing at the glass and disrupting the blackout curtains Sirius insisted they have in the bedroom. Unwanted light filters through the window and he groans.

“Linette,” Sirius calls, voice thick and almost whiny with sleep. “What are you doing?”

She only meows again, tail twitching eagerly as she watches whatever it is that has caught her attention outside. Likely a bird or a squirrel, or perhaps one of the bunnies that moved into the backyard. Sirius huffs and moves to sit up, aiming to grab Linette and exile her to the living room, when a painfully familiar cramping of the abdomen hits him and Sirius’ mouth goes dry.

All remnants of sleep wash away in an instant, leaving him hyper-aware of every feeling, every minute sensation in his body. The incoming headache, the tight soreness of his lower muscles, and— Sirius discovers with a shudder as he shifts— the warm wetness of his underwear.

“Fuck,” Sirius mumbles, a sick feeling churning within. He quickly gets up, swallowing thickly at the small blood stain on the pale blue sheets. Moony just bought those, he thinks fuzzily, and suddenly he feels the urge to cry.

Sirius’ periods have always been irregular, no way to consistently track them, and it’s only gotten harder in the months since he’s started his masculinization potions. It's almost worse when he’s blindsided like this, wholly caught off guard by the onslaught of hormones and emotions. At least when he knows it’s coming, he can mentally prepare. This time, his walls were down, and now his mind buzzes as he stares at the stained sheets below.

He can’t handle this right now. He quickly looks away, resolving to deal with it later. Numbly, he scoops up a squirmy Linette from the window sill and makes his way out of the room.

Remus is curled up on the sofa, cup of too-sweet coffee cradled delicately in scarred fingers as he reads a book, the Muggle one his mother gave him when they moved in last month. He perks up at the sound of footsteps, turning to see Sirius in the hall entrance. The small, fond smile on his face quickly falls into a concerned frown when he sees the paleness of his face and tense line of his body.

Sirius’ breath hitches, a tangled mess of emotion swelling within him. He wants to not exist, and yet he wants so desperately for Remus to hold him, to cradle him just as delicately as he would the chipped porcelain mug he drinks from every morning.

Remus sits up, setting the well-loved mug aside as his book falls facedown on the cushion beside him. “Cariad?”

Sirius’ eyes well with tears, but they don’t fall. Sirius hates crying, has hated it since he was a child and his mother would punish him for it. Even now, nearly three years since he got out of that house, he can’t shake the urge to bottle everything up and hide.

Linette squirms in his arms again, dragging him back to reality. Sirius sniffles, letting her drop to the floor. The mostly-white calico wastes no time sprinting back to the bedroom, no doubt to meow at the window once more, but Sirius hardly pays attention to that. No, his eyes are locked on his boyfriend, who has already made his way over to him with an air of worry.

“Are you alright?” he asks, hands twitching as if he wants to reach out but is unsure if that would be okay. It would be. Sirius craves his touch, always will.

Sirius reaches out and tangles their fingers together for him, squeezing harshly as if doing so will tether them together.

“There’s blood on the sheets,” he mutters, and the concern melts into understanding.

“That’s alright,” Remus says softly, squeezing back. “I’ll handle the bed, you go take a bath.”

Sirius immediately shakes his head. “No, Moony, you don’t have to—”

“Sirius, it’s okay. I want to do this for you.”

“But…” Sirius chews on his lip, looking away shamefully. “It’s gross, Rem.”

Remus reaches up and gently grips his chin, tilting his head up to make Sirius look at him. His hazel eyes are tender and reassuring, immediately making Sirius melt just a bit.

“How many times have you cleaned up blood from my sheets after a full moon, Sirius?”

“It’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Not at all. That blood isn’t from… from down there.”

“It’s just blood, love,” Remus says patiently. “Doesn’t matter where it came from.”

He hesitates, chewing on his lip once more. On one hand, he thinks he’ll end up in a ball of tears if he tries to clean the sheets himself, but on the other hand, he can’t help but feel self-conscious. Despite having been together for close to two years, Remus hasn’t seen that yet. Sirius has made sure of it. Sure, he’s been there during his period— he’s cuddled him and helped fulfil his cravings and warmed up the Muggle heating pad Lily gave him in their fourth year— but he hasn’t actually seen the blood. Sirius’ dysphoric mind is convinced that he will be disgusted with Sirius and his body when he sees it, even if he knows that Remus would never.

“I can see you spiralling,” Remus mutters, running his thumb along the backs of the other man’s knuckles. Sirius sighs.

“Sorry, I just—”

“Sirius,” he says softly. “Let me help you, please?”

He swallows thickly and, before he can change his mind, says, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Remus repeats with a smile, tugging him closer and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. “Now, go take a nice long bath, cariad. I’ll have your heating pad and a cuppa waiting for you when you’re done.”

Sirius hums, a warm feeling settling in his chest. “Switch the tea for a cup of that special hot chocolate your mother sent and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“A cup of mam’s hot chocolate it is, then,” Remus says easily and Sirius feels a small smile slip on his face, his first one all morning.

“You’re too good to me.”

“You deserve good.” The other man puts some space between them and before Sirius can even mourn the loss, he’s being gently shoved in the direction of the bathroom. “Now go. I’ll get your clothes too once you’re in the tub.”

“Alright,” he says softly. “Thank you, Moons.”

“Of course, love.”

And with that, Sirius moves down the hall and stops by their bedroom. He grabs his wand and some of his clothes— minus the fuzzy knit sweater, which is actually Remus’ and two sizes too big— and makes his way to the large, tiled bathroom. The door shuts behind him with a quiet snick and, carefully avoiding eye contact with the mirrors, he quickly casts blurring charms on them all. He usually doesn’t have to resort to such measures, rather comfortable in his body now that he’s been magically transitioning for over a year, but his periods always bring about a particular sense of discomfort regarding his appearance.

Trying his best not to let his thoughts drift negatively, he strips off his bloodied clothes and sends them to the laundry hamper in their bedroom with a flick of his wand.

The water is warm and relaxing when he sinks into the tub, soothing aches he didn’t even realise he had. Sirius sighs, letting his head fall back against the tile and his eyes fall shut.

Sirius had almost thought that he was done with periods. He hasn’t bled in months, and he had just started getting his hopes up that the potions had finally stopped his cycle as they were meant to, but no. He feels a bit defeated, if he’s being honest with himself. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle this on his own.

But you’re not on your own, a voice in his head reminds him as he begins to clean himself.

And the thing is, the voice is right. He has Remus.

Sirius has always had trouble seeking help from others, most especially those he’s close to. It always sparks a sense of shame. Maybe his mother moulded that into him, or maybe he was always like this. Whatever the reason, he struggles.

Remus tells him it’s okay to need help sometimes. Sirius knows that, logically. He’s been on the receiving end of that request more times than he can count for Remus— in the days leading up to and following the full moon he needs all the help he can get. He also knows that if someone cares about you, they won’t mind lending a hand when you need it. It just takes some getting used to, Sirius supposes. The care, the support, the concern.

He is getting used to it, slowly but surely. Has to, when he lives with Remus Lupin of all people. His tall, scarred, mean-looking werewolf boyfriend is actually the softest and most loving person he has ever met, and he refuses to let Sirius get away with shutting him out.

Sirius loves him even more for it.

Only a couple minutes later finds him dripping onto the bath mat, towel wrapped tightly around his waist as pink-tinged water swirls down the drain. He quickly pulls on Remus’ sweater and begins rummaging through the cabinets, searching for his cloth pads. He finds one buried underneath a pile of hair scrunchies and he places the pad in his boxers, securing it with a light sticking charm just so he doesn’t have to worry or think about it.

He tugs on his baggy sweatpants with a wince, lower muscles cramping in protest at the lack of soothing warmth now that he’s left the bath. It’s not quite bad enough to need a pain relieving potion just yet, especially not before he’s got his hands on his heating pad, but he can already tell this one will be rough.

At least he’ll have Remus to help him through it, even if he has to force Sirius to let him do so.

Sirius feels a bit like a wet cat as his damp curls drip onto the muted orange sweater he stole borrowed. He quickly grabs his abandoned wand off the counter and casts a quick drying spell, feeling the weight disappear off his head as his curls become light and bouncy once more. With a huff of satisfaction, he slips his wand into his pocket and opens the bathroom door to leave. Immediately, he hears a pleased mrrrp followed by Linette darting between his legs, purring and rubbing all the while. He chuckles, bending over to scratch at her cheeks.

“Finally more interested in me than the birds outside the window, huh, ma pépette?”

Linette purrs even louder in reply, rubbing so aggressively against his hands that she nearly stabs herself in the eye with his fingers. Sirius snorts inelegantly and scoops her up, letting her perch herself comfortably on his shoulder before he finally steps out of the bathroom.

Immediately he can smell the faintest hint of chocolate and nutmeg wafting from the kitchen. Warmth bubbles in his chest as he shuffles into the living room. On the sofa sits the quilt Effie gifted them when they moved in, Sirius’ heating pad folded with care on his seat. Gentle music plays from the wireless and he has to bite back a soft smile. Merlin, he loves this man.

“Have a nice bath, love?”

Sirius turns to see Remus standing in the doorway, two steaming mugs held in his hands. Linette chirps happily at the sight of him, and Sirius privately agrees.

“It was alright,” he hums lightly. “S’that for me?”

“Ah, no, actually. Figured I’d get two hot chocolates all to myself while my poor, sweet boyfriend wastes away on the couch all by himself.”

“How utterly cruel of you, Moons. I’m heartbroken.”

Remus snickers. “Go sit down, Pads.”

“Mm, alright.”

Sirius plops down on the couch, jostling Linette whose tail flicks in displeasure, and burrows under the cosy red quilt. Before Sirius can even think to do it himself, Remus has set the mugs down on the end table and grabbed the heating pad.

“Rem, I can—”

“No, I’ve got it,” he reassures. “Drink your hot chocolate, I’ll set this up.”

“If you say so,” Sirius says a bit reluctantly.

Linette drops off his shoulder onto the couch cushion next to him as he reaches for one of the mugs.

The first sip is heaven, always is. Hope Lupin’s hot chocolate recipe is a gift from Merlin himself.

“Godric, this is fantastic,” Sirius groans delightedly. Remus chuckles as he plugs in the heating pad.

“Isn’t it?”

“Tell your mother she’s a saint for me next time you phone her.”

“‘Course, Pads,” Remus says as he walks back over, careful to avoid tripping on the cord. Linette hops down and starts smelling it curiously.

“C’mon, baban, leave it alone,” he chides while batting her away gently.

“Aw, leave her be, Remus! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She could chew on the cord and be electrocuted,” he deadpans. Sirius blinks.

“Right. Forgot Muggle technology is utterly terrifying. Carry on, then.”

Remus snorts and picks her up, setting her on Sirius’ lap which has already started to warm up. She purrs, cuddling into the heat and closing her eyes contentedly. Sirius runs a hand through her fur while he takes another sip from his mug. A weight settles next to him on the couch as Remus cuddles up to his side, reaching over him to grab his own hot chocolate from the end table.

Sirius hums happily, tilting his body into Remus’ and melting against the cushions. A little peck on his temple makes a soft grin slide on his face and he lets his eyes fall shut.

“Thank you for this, Moons.”

A hand reaches out to tangle with his own, squeezing gently but firm. “Of course, cariad. You mean the world to me.”

“You do, too. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you, you know.”

Remus hums, pressing another kiss to his head before he says softly, “Well, good thing you don’t have to, then.”

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femmesandhoney · 6 months

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If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

#pmdd #i hope this somewhat can be helpful to you #my main things are pretty much mindfulness and distraction tbh #but exercise can be helpful (i never mean intense workout unless thats ur jam) bc going outside can be meditative for us when we really nee #to try and shift our mood to a more neutral place #I've also been managing my pmdd like this for a few yrs now so ive had a lot of practice at finding ways to deal w it that work for me #so don't feel bad if my methods don't help you either im positive you'll find ways even if that includes meds!

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starcrossed-sky · 1 year

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(previous anon) thank you for the detailed answer. my knees have no cushion either! and yeah, my body does not move the way i want it to in a few ways. standing still for more than a minute or so quickly gets very painful, and the only way to mitigate it temporarily is to walk slowly or shift my weight from one foot to the other if sitting isn't an option. i have to sit when i bathe/do dishes/laundry. i've mentioned this to doctors in the past, but they just tell me to exercise more, which unfortunately is not ideal because exertion makes my base level of fatigue worse to the point where i can't keep up with my day job. i'll put a pin on seeing a physical therapist some time, though; i have been planning to look into my mobility issues for a while.

about dieting- i've always been fat, since i was a child, and i felt completely neutral about my own body. when i was a small child, it was seen as cute and a sign that my parents fed me well, but by the time i was in high school, PE class involved everyone getting their BMI measured and i was classified as obese (32 or so). ever since then, my mother has been obsessed with my weight and mentioning how worried she is for my health and how i should definitely be on a diet because i was "ballooning" (said with terror and pleading).

but i was kinda never sold on it? i have relatives who're huge into dieting and would post their gym and progress photos on facebook, but some months later i'd see them at reunions and they had already gained it all back. i even had a distant aunt whose heart gave out because she gained and lost so much weight many times throughout her life. when it came to weight loss, my stance has always been: what's the point of all that effort and expensive products/services if it's so easy to gain it back anyway? i just want my weight to be stable, not to keep going down. unfortunately, i live in southeast asia, where being fat is seen as "you're gonna have a heart attack any minute if you don't drop everything and lose weight right fucking now!!!"

if anything, the only thing that annoys me about my weight and general size/shape is that it's hard to shop for clothes and shoes in my size lol. specialized plus size stores are always more expensive, economies of scale, etc. i always gotta rely on hunting for foreign overruns or secondhand stuff since everyone's so small in my country :p

Oh god, I can't imagine trying to shop for clothes at our size (I think my BMI is also in the lower half of the 30s... not that I pay attention bc that's not what BMI was designed for) in an Asian country. It's hard enough in the US and over here, Asian sizes are notorious for "plan on buying at least one size up from your US size, probably two." I hav e enough of an interest in Asian fashion that I go looking occasionally and immediately have to laugh in pain at "size: XL waist: 112cm" type size charts. (my waist for reference is 50in/127cm)

You should definitely see a physical therapist if you can find a decent one (I have no advice for this, on account of there being an ocean between us, and also I myself have never actually used one). I only had immediate pain from standing during the worst of my Bad Hip period, but I have permanent back problems and can't stand for long periods without an assistive device (which in my case means... a heavy backpack as a counterweight. Lmao.)

Also, as far as fatigue goes, if your body is running estrogen as your primary hormone, get checked for anemia! I had horrific anemia before getting on T, and it was a definite factor in my chronic fatigue.

And, well, yeah, none of what you described with your relatives is surprising to me, as someone who has followed actual weight health science all my life as a survival need. Humans tend to vary by 5 or so pounds in either direction depending on various factors, but any weight loss of more than 10-15 lbs (please don't ask me to convert to kilos I don't have that one memorized) is like... it's medically concerning... unless the person is dieting! then it's fine!

Yeah, bullshit.

Good luck out there anon.

#diet culture #just on there so I can refind this post in the future #kneeling anon

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chryblossomjjk · 2 years

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omg kiki!!! this is like mad random but I need ur help. I remember u posted ab ur hair journey and I’m rlly curious ab what u did to help it!!! I’m malaysian and I grew up with THICK and voluminous hair but since I started wearing a hijab like six yrs ago my hair starting thinning bc I stopped taking care of it 😞 do u have any tips or recs to help ??? I’m lowkey starting to lose my confidence (even tho nobody can see my hair rlly lmfaooo) and I miss having a lot of hair lol. ofc only share if ur comfy!!! I just rlly appreciated you for sharing ur story w us!!!

p.s I literally luv u sm, ur work is amazing and all around u just seem like such a lovely person ok bye thx ILY <3 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

omg hi friend! i completely get how you feel. hair is such a huge part of your identity and losing it is genuinely traumatic! im so sorry you’re dealing with this! i can definitely share what ive done but pls know that im not like a health professional or anything and all of this is anecdotal! 💗

so one of the reasons i lost a lot of hair was bc i have pcos. i started taking medicine which im sure has contributed to the regrowth. but it doesn’t sound like yours is hormonal so i think probably the other methods could work well for you!!

1. i started taking biotin 10000 mcg (this was not prescribed, i just got the supplement from amazon. ik its just a supplement but pls be careful n take all of my advice with a grain of salt ily 🥺)

2. i only wash my hair about once a week, which really helped with breakage. i have v thick coarse hair, like you, and washing it too frequently definitely leads to dryness and breakage. thas no no >:( i also don’t really brush it that often, but that’s partially bc i have type 3 hair and brushing it out makes me look like i got electrocuted lol. but either way, being v careful when u brush, like starting bottom to top, can also help w breakage!

3. before i wash it, i massage mielle rosemary mint hair oil all over my scalp and let it sit for three hours. rosemary is a dht blocker and helps with the circulation in ur scalp and stuff.

4. when i wash my hair, i use one of these lil things w my shampoo bc it also increases the circulation

5. every night i use a few drops of the ordinary hair serum on the areas where i lost the most like my temple area

i know a lot of people have had success with rogaine aswell. i havent tried it bc it could possibly make another symptom of pcos worse, but ive heard a lot of great things about it! could be worth looking into!

also diet is a huge one too.without going into too much detail, my diet also really contributed to hair loss. so eating enough is a big one and ik protein and healthy fats helps you grow stronger hair, so maybe trying to incorporate more of those could possibly help!! wishing you the best of luck! feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk more about it! i know how heartbreaking it is so im here if you need anything 💗

#anon #naur only men should go bald 🙄#not us hot girlies !!#we don’t deserve it lmao !!!

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fizzingwizard · 3 years

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personal life stuff venting etc (also tmi menstruation warning)

I'm feeling ok now, but the weekend was weird.

It's been very busy at work. Like, nonstop busy, no time to sit down, no time for a break. Mostly due to people being out sick and no subs. The rest of us have to pick up the slack, etc. It's gotten worse, though, because we have had days that we literally couldn't make ratio. We are just sending teachers to different rooms during the most difficult times and dealing with the ratio being off at quieter periods... It's so difficult to get crafts and stuff done this way. Usually this is my favorite time of the school year, my kids are as grown up as they'll get, and we can have so much fun. It's still fun, but mostly it's me and my co-teachers moving frantically from one thing to another. A lot of it is due to covid, of course. Just gotta hustle.

anyway. I really wanted to be on time updating Fox this weekend, and I wanted to finish my Valentines fic too. But Idk, I was in such a weird headspace. I just hate everything I make sometimes. But when I get that way and I don't write, I tend to lose momentum. It's happened a ton in the past. So this year I made a resolution to push through with writing projects even if they suck. So that's what I did, and I finished the chapter of Fox and I finished the Valentine's fic, and I wrote the majority of both of them over the space of two days. (Which I'm sure the amount of typos can attest to :P)

But I am not in love with the new chapter, even though it's one I was really looking forward to. It just feels off. And then the Valentine's day fic. I almost deleted it four or five times. Like, "closed the document and started to drag it to the trash bin" deleted it. The whole time I was writing it I was like really?? why is this what I'm writing?? it's not that I think it's so terribly awful, but kind of uninspired.

And then I wondered... could I be about to have my period? Bc I had expected it a whole week ago and it didn't come, but I'm often a little irregular so. Idk if I can blame my weird feelings while writing on hormones, but I just felt extra irritable, extra impatient the whole time, it was really frustrating. And then this morning I was indeed sucker-punched by my period. Which doubly sucked because today was HORRIBLE in terms of getting any down time at work xP I was in so much pain. In activity time I just said to my coworker "Let's have all sixteen of them sit down at the table and do coloring pages" (which works now that they have the attention span to sit there for a while lol). We were supposed to paint our solar systems but TOO BAD, Fizz's uterus has mutinied, she needs to freaking sit down for five min without getting up because someone dropped a spoon or bumped their head or needs to go to the toilet right this very second yadda yadda

also this weekend i got to video chat with both my parents at the same time. and boy that was weird. not gonna go into it right. but since the divorce any time we talk separately it feels bad. but they were hanging out together for the superbowl and it felt the same as when i was a kid. actually im tearing up now typing this. during the call i kept thinking how their divorce completely upended how i felt about marriage and relationships, and now seeing them together with things seeming so much the same even though they're so different is freaking me out all over again in a different way. thats neither here nor there but may also have been a factor in why my weekend was weird. by the way yeah im an adult and im behaving like a petulant kids re: my parents' divorce. i know i know.

anyway so I do think maybe hormones were part of it. but im also just generally feeling bad about writing lately. maybe its just that i hadnt done it for a good while, and when i finally got back into it was like a honeymoon period, and now im like wait this is supposed to be fun little escapism. i literally had to bargain with myself back in june when i posted my first fic in ages that i was going to write whatever i wanted, regardless of what other people thought of it, even if it was massively unpopular. i was going to be one hardass mofo who didnt give a shit. welp. unfortunately im still me lol. i know i can just rewrite the bits of those fics i dont like, im just frustrated that right now, i go in to edit and cant think of anything, its like my heads in a fog. words? i know some? haha. gonna keep blaming it on hormones tho.

this is just a vent post so no one take it too seriously. also i know these whiny posts about extremely small problems sound self-centered and are annoying so sorry about that. if i were smart id delete every post in my personal tag. i wont say im never self-centered but makes me feel better to write it down, and putting it on my blog so it's "out there" even if not a single person reads it (i dont really want anyone to, lol) makes it feel less locked away than just writing something private, if that makes sense.

as always im also absolutely swimming in blessings to the point that its seriously ridiculous i feel sad at all. but that's life. anyway i will get over it, probably by next week, lol

just noticed i stopped capitalizing things halfway thru haha

#fizz's life #menstruation #personal

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i8jisoo · 4 years

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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

bangchan x reader | first part of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & a tinge of angst

↬ warnings; pregnancy, birth, talk of vomiting, and lots of cursin

↬ notes; fuck i love bangchan sm and im excited dis the first part of daddy!skz o whateva

from the moment he knew, he honestly was scared at first and just wanted to pretend like he wasn’t going to be a father

he needed time to evaluate it all, he was honestly confused and scared, he was nervous and doubtful of his parenting skills and providing eighteen years + many years after for his child

u were nervousssss as helllllllllllllll to tell him what was up

“well, i’m- y’know- baby?” you tried to get out, ur words were hella scrambled and he was confused before he came to the realization of what you meant

silence which is vv concerning

u knew this was a shot in the dark sorta, u two weren’t even public on the relationship let alone public about a pregnancy?

u guys ended up taking a break for about a month, really not knowing what to say to each-other

u two were afraid, which was normal, u just rly didn’t expect it from chan of all people to walk away from u

anybody else u could expect,, but this?? this was unlike him & u were more scared by that

he wound up at your place, box in hands

(u were kinda at ur breaking point bc u thought he was returning ur things)

(newsflash it was his stuff)

“i’m sorry, i just— being a father? being a parent, i don’t.. i don’t know anything about it, but nobody does when they become one. so, i’m gonna figure it out with you.”

going through the first sonograms w him & crying a lot while u two talked about the future

ur hormones r going to be the death of chan

u are 0-100 holy mooolyy

hes very careful with his choice of words and how he delivers them, not wanting to upset you

chans first present for the baby is a kangaroo, with a matching little joey 🥺

he also is surprisingly a very big fan of kanga from winnie the pooh, which he buys winnie the pooh stuff for the baby JSJSJSJSJJS just bc kanga & roo remind him of u n the baby 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (i rly need to stop)

u were a lil big, having a cute big bump to pair with ur pregnancy, the inevitable announcement was needed to happen if u were ever going to step outside again

chan rly didnt want to announce it bc he didnt know what peoples reactions would be :(

he knew he was only twenty-seven so some people might think it was a bit too early to have kids, but he thought it was perfect the way it was

u guys hid it until u couldn’t, sparking little rumors of ur pregnancy but u both decided not to confirm them

chan obsessing and literally worshipping you in your third trimester

u in his shirts? he was fuckin over

kisses and cuddling all the time, no matter how tired u were or he was, u two would either fall asleep while doing so or lay there for awhile before u were like

“ok i gotta pee, help me up!!”

no but frfr this baby was torturing u the last stretch of ur pregnancy

it seemed that anything u ate either made u throw up or gave u heartburn

ur stretchmarks were getting worse & it seemed like u were getting bigger everyday

u were very insecure the last months, just cause a lot of comments were talking about a bit of weight gain in ur face, which fuck,, u would never be hurt by some comments but with ur hormones and KNOWING u have put on weight, u rly didn’t feel the same

ofc chan knows whats up and hes there to tell u some r e a l s h i t

“okay, yes. you have put on weight, but you’re pregnant. that’s the good thing about it, you’re healthy okay? whether you had a small bump and no extra weight put on or a big bump and extra weight put on, you are carrying a baby. you can lose the weight when it’s over, right? you don’t need to feel this way, okay? i’m the only one who you should listen to about your appearance, i’m here to tell you the truth. you are beautiful. you are the morher of my child, that’s what you are. you’re not ugly, or fat, you’re not anything bullshit that people say to you.”

when u started crying, chan panicked

“nononononoono, don’t cry baby!”

his arms were wrapped around you so tightly, feeling your face pressed against his shoulder and your arms around his neck

“i love you.” u would be rly quiet and his heart would break at the sound but ur i love you, he just— it was so real and he’d never felt like this before

“love u too.” he’d say that shit so proudly and kiss the TOP OF UR HEAD SO SOFTLY 🥺🥺🥺

when u finally went into labor, u were like wow this hurts a F U CK TOO NNN

u woke up to the bedsheets soaked underneath u, pins n needles were all u could feel

u kinda sat there for ten minutes, scaring urself n making urself nervous when u started doubting yourself and feeling the pain become stronger

ur hands were s hh aa kkyy

u would tap chan so softly and feel a little frustrated he didnt wake up but like how tf was he supposed to feel that 😳

u kinda started crying now because u were STRESSED and him not waking up (no shit ur little tap wasnt gonna work but) it felt like he was gonna sleep forever

so ur hands pressed on chan’s shoulders, shaking them a little bit and letting out a,

“chris?” which ur voice was quiet as hell, shaky as hell, and wavering as you whispered to him

him opening his eyes to see your teary ones n hes just so sad that his heart drops 🥺

he never wakes up quicker though and hes sitting up fast as fuck

“what? what’s wrong?”

ur literally sobbing and hes freaked out by this because u have never cried like this

he kinda just wants to go back to bed since ur just crying but he knows smth is probably wrong because ur SOBBING so

“my water broke.”

now its his turn to be nervous cause fuck he is feeling so unprepared

he said fuck shoes on u, slipping u into his own clothes and helping u into the car so u two could go

did i forget to mention the hospital was an hour away 😳

he wants to pull over hearing u whine n grip his hand, noticing ur quietness and ur little mumbles everytime u rest ur head back after a contraction

he doesn’t give a fuck, he will carry u into the hospital and then put u in a wheelchair from the entrance so u don’t have to walk

u have a feeling maybe hes more nervous than u but atm ur fuckin close to losing it over the pain

u two are settled into a room, epidural done and just trying to make u comfortable now

u were seven centimeters which u still had to wait but u both knew u were close to meeting ur baby

when u are at ten centimeters though, chan is just a ball of tears and he’s just so proud of you

your hand was in his the whole time, chan’s lips near ur ear and he’s just whispering for u to concentrate on him and how much u wanna meet the baby

“i—i can’t do it!” 🥺🥺

you were honestly so drained and ur forehead was laced with sweat, ur hands sweaty and shaking in his own from being nervous and slowly becoming weaker as u put ur strength into pushing

“baby, you are probably what? three pushes, maybe you can cut it to one and a half. alright? you can do this baby, we’re so close to meeting our baby.”

that’s all u needed n chan knew it

surprise surprise,, chan was right about one and a half

“it’s a boy!!” which chan would press his lips to yours so quickly, u two crying and letting out watery laughs as your baby boy cried 🥺

he hasn’t felt this much pride and love since debut or releasing an album or tour, he couldn’t express how gifted he was to have deserved the gift of being a father

ofc they introduce you both to kangaroo care, chan so ready to take off his shirt and feel his baby boy’s skin against his own warm skin and he did so

then it was ur turn to hold him the same way, chan asking u if he could pull down ur gown so u could hold him like he did

that was the picture he needed, snapping it and getting you holding the baby against your naked (ofc ur gown was covering ur breasts) chest, your son sleeping soundly with his hands pressed against you

u two were parents now, u both had learned about pregnancy together and now u two were going to explore parenthood together

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kageyama-tho · 4 years

Note

Can you please do a reaction of any haikyuu characters of their small s/o sleeping over for the first time (unplanned) and their s/o is only wearing underwear and the character’s shirt to bed? I honestly don’t care which character you choose cause I have wayyy too many characters that I wanna see a reaction from. You’re writing is amazing btw. I love it so much 💕💕

Thank you superstar I love you!! I’m the same I love too many characters so it’s hard to choose sometimes! Hope your night/day is going all nice and smooth ❤️

I’ve no idea if you wanted this a little nsfw or just sfw so I went the safe way :~)

I thought of these characters straight away !!

_____

You pursed your lips, listening to all the weather warnings that began swiftly taking effect in your city. Everyone was warned to stay inside or seek shelter as soon as possible. It wasn’t as dramatic as the news made it sound, but it was still fairly dangerous to be out. Glancing over at your boyfriend, you let your bottom lip slither in between your teeth instinctively. You weren’t sure if he was okay with you staying the night since it never happened before.

His eyes darted towards you as soon as he heard some shuffling and saw you picking your bag up.

“What are you doing?” he furrowed his brows, watching you intensely as if you’ve done something out of ordinary.

“Uhh, going home before it gets worse.” you gestured to the window, wincing slightly at the relentless strength of the wind and rain. You didn’t even bring a coat with you because the weather was completely fine just a few hours ago. You appeared awkward and he probably thought you were out of your mind. That’s what happens when you’re not certain if you’d be a bother or not.

You interpreted your boyfriend’s bewilderment as ‘are you serious right now?’ so you dropped your bag back into the corner of the room.

“Okay. Looks like I’m staying then.” you were fairly excited, falling onto his bed freely.

As you expected - trying all the pyjama pants and sweatpants he offered you were too big on you. They loosely hung on your hips, completely dropping down to your ankles or the hem reached all the way to your ribs. You were stepping all over them since your legs weren’t long enough for them. You decided to ditch the pants and just take his t shirt.

Iwaizumi :

He fails to notice at first that you discarded the idea of wearing pants and the hem of his t shirt is ever so slightly swiping over just below your bottom. Any time you raise your arms or stretch, he has a sweet view of your underwear.

Iwaizumi is trying to make his staring as least obvious as he can. He doesn’t want to seem like a creep, but damn how can he not admire you. His tongue glides over his lips whenever he’s looking at you when you talk.

“Are you sure you’re not going to be cold without pants?”

You wave your hand at him, smiling. “Are you my mom, Iwa-chan?”

“Oi, stop talking like Shittykawa!”

You laugh at his response, knowing he’d immediately think of Oikawa. It’s concerning sometime show much he talks about him.

“I’m sure you’ll keep me warm, Hajime.”

That comment sounded cheeky just because of your tone and he’s already feeling blood rush to his cheeks. “Y-yeah.”

Sugawara :

He’s leaning against the door frame and he made sure to knock before coming in. He’s eyeing you from your legs to your face and he’s doing it it so discreetly you wouldn’t even know. Sugawara is smiling, but his body language gives it away that he wants to be a little closer to you.

“Are you ready for bed?”

You nod, waiting for him to approach you and hop under the covers first. He advances closer, leaning down to kiss your forehead while his hand remains on the back of your head for a few seconds. He’s happily inviting you to lay down beside him when he plucks the cover up.

“Actually, I’m not that tired yet.” you admit, glancing at the early time on your phone screen.

He give you an understanding look. “I see. We don’t have to sleep yet. Do you want to cuddle?”

You don’t hesitate to relax beside him and throw your leg over his torso. His arm is around you and his other hand is on your bare leg, his thumb rubbing your soft skin.

“I’m glad you’re staying with me tonight.”

Haiba :

“You’re not wearing pants.” he makes a statement as if it’s not obvious.

“Yeah they were so big I probably lost them on my way here.” you laughed at your own comment. “Does it bother you?”

He shakes his head. “N-No! It’s fine.” Why does his shirt look so good on you? He’s such a hormonal teenager and if Kuroo was there, he’d get slapped. Haiba is practically gawking at you, but he apologises when you notice.

The tall boy always knew you were beautiful but WOW. He’s speechless. He can’t even tease you about the fact you’re so small you can’t even wear his pants. He turns a little shy and as much as he’d like to deny it, he can’t.

You have to forget about everything else around you bc Lev craves your attention. He gets whiny and clingy when he’s drowsy, so expect to drop the movie you’re trying to watch or the food you’re trying to eat.

“You’re such a big baby.” you chuckle, watching how he scoffs and appears offended in general.

“No, I’m not.” he argues - meanwhile his head is resting on your laps and he’s not letting you stop playing with his hair.

Oikawa :

He exaggerates a gasp. “Y/N-chan! Are we sleeping naked tonight? Is that what it is?”

“Keep saying things like that and you’ll be sleeping on the floor.” your tone is mischievous but he perceives your point.

“You’re kicking me off my own bed after I so kindly let you stay? That’s not nice.” even though his voice is all cute and his lips are pouty, you can easily detect his eyes admiring your body through his glasses.

He’s enjoying the view and he thinks his shirt looks hot on you.

“Here, do a little spin.” one of his hands is on your hip as he’s trying to turn you around.

“You’re unbelievable, Tooru.” he presses your back against his chest, holding you in place gently. He’s planting multiple kisses on your cheek and on the side of your neck. It’s a little ticklish so you’re laughing and he does the same, hugging you tightly.

“I wanted you to stay over for so long. Just gonna cuddle you all night.”

#oikawa tooru #Iwaizumi Hajime #haiba lev #sugawara koushi #reactions #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #haiba x reader #sugawara x reader

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psychewithwings · 4 years

Note

Hey love! I was wondering if you could do some aftercare with shikamaru, or maybe the morning after yall fucked realll good but just make it pretty fluffy (it's fine if u don't want to! ik soft isnt ur style😉)

Absolutely! I am actually so soft but also just a total perv with no chill hahaha. It is an interesting dichotomy. But yes! After all the stories I’ve written about him completely destroying you, I think this is definitely in order...

One thing I would like to just quickly discuss is a lot of subs experience, subspace, or a sort of high from a BDSM scene due to the chemicals in the brain being released. Subdrop is the result of those hormones balancing back out to a more neutral state. Some common side effects of subdrop are feeling cold, moodiness/slight depression, lethargy, and sometimes a feeling of being disconnected from the space around you. The drop can happen immediately or sometimes a few days later. Aftercare is always important immediately after and the days following a scene. I don’t include it in every story I write bc of time, but know that if someone is unwilling to provide aftercare, they are not worthy or deserving of you at all, let alone your time in the bedroom. Aftercare is specific to the individual (I personally want tea and frozen grapes and cuddles) and in many cases, it is reciprocal between the Dom and sub. Remember, real Doms respect your limits and always always give aftercare.

I’ll get off my soapbox now, I just want yall to have all the love and respect you deserve. Because every single one of you reading this are important.

AfterCare :

WARNING: mentions of sexual things, D/s dynamics, subdrop, but mostly just super fluffy Shika caring for you and lots of cuteness

Your body was spent, breathing ragged and your skin was sticky with a mixture of sweat and cum. You were laying on your back, the afterglow of your orgasm, lighting up your aura. Shikamaru peppered kisses all over your face. “You’re such a good girl,” he said, “my beautiful girl.” You could only manage a smile in response to his praise. You reached up to cup his face and noticed the heaviness to your movements. Shikamaru traced over your face, down your neck, and to your collarbone. His light touches caused a shiver to ripple over your skin, goose pimples following in their wake. He kissed your neck tenderly. “You’re cold,” he observed. “I think we should get cleaned up before we cuddle, yeah?” he prompted. You did want to get cleaned up but you felt so tired. “Can we cuddle now?” you asked softly. He rolled over onto his side and pulled you into him. “We can but then we need to take a shower, we have to get you back in your body, my love.” You nodded, eyes closed, hands clasped around his, pulling it into your heart.

You weren’t sleeping, in fact your mind felt as if it was buzzing with no thoughts in particular, just strange random images that seemed to pass like clouds behind your eyelids. Shikamaru’s breaths were slow and deep, and you instinctively began to match the pattern. As soon as you’d calmed, Shikamaru kissed your cheek, “I love you.” You smiled and kissed his hand, “I love you too,” you replied, snuggling into the curve of his body. He kissed your head once more before moving to get out of bed. “Don’t go,” you pleaded. “I’m just gonna turn on the shower okay? I’ll be right back.” You shook your head, holding onto his arm. He laughed softly, “you’re so cute, do you wanna come with me then?” You nodded, you weren’t sure why it happened this way, but sometimes even the slightest distance from him could feel like an uncrossable abyss. “Up we go,” he said sweetly as he helped you move to sit. He gave your head a second to adjust to being upright, holding your face and kissing your cheeks, forehead, and nose. He then helped you stand up, “good?” he asked. “Mmhmm,” but you paused slightly, “can I go pee before we shower?” you asked. He laughed, “you don’t need to ask, love, just go.” You laughed and then padded into the bathroom.

A few moments later you opened the door to let Shikamaru in. He turned the water on and carefully watched you as he waited for it to warm. You were spaced out, dreamy, sitting on the lid of the toilet seat. Your elbows were resting on your knees and your chin in your hands. It both amazed Shikamaru and slightly concerned him when you fell this deep. He understood it was just a part of the process, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. “Whatchya thinking about, gorgeous?” he asked. You turned your head to him and giggled. “This funny video that my friend sent me,” you replied. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows and then took your hand and lead you into the shower.

He let you be underneath the water first, standing back behind you and the stream of the water. He admired the dark marks that covered your ass and the back of your thighs. He rubbed your shoulders and kissed your neck, he could still feel your muscles tensed and he worked his thumbs into your flex, coaxing you into a deeper state of relaxation. You stepped forward to allow him to get into the water as well. You turned to look at him and your face lit up. “Hey, you have your hair down!” He chuckled, his hair had been down for the last hour and you were just now noticing. It was a testament to how deep you had been in subspace, but also a sign that you were coming back to yourself. “I like it down,” you added. “Thank you beautiful,” he replied . “Okay now turn around so I can wash your hair,” he said and you did. You loved this, when he would massage the shampoo into your scalp. It was the way he did it, it was so conscious and done with care. It was as if he was trying to wash all the negative thoughts from your head. You felt loved and like you were being restored. He tilted your head back, careful to not get the soap in your eyes as he washed it out of your hair. Your hair and mind now feeling much more clean, you turned to Shikamaru. “Can I wash your hair too?” you asked. He smiled wide, handed you the shampoo, and said “go for it.” You moved behind him and began to lather his head. You had to reach up to soap all of his hair and then tipped his head back and rinsed his hair, using your palm to help remove the soap.

When the water ran clear without soap you leaned forward, wrapping your arms around him. You rested your head against his back. He laughed softly, you were so cute, how could he resist. “Hey,” he turned around and hugged you back. You thought he was going to continue speaking but he finished his thought by locking his lips onto yours. It was a passionate kiss, reserved for the times where words weren't enough to communicate what he was feeling.

He spun you around and did your conditioner and then this time did his own. He knew he had to get you cleaned up and into bed, it was already getting pretty late. Shikamaru took a cloth and lathered it with your soap before using it to scrub your body down, removing any of the evidence from your previous activities. Any marks that were left were washed gently and given a kiss to show his appreciation and affection. You took the cloth from his hands and repeated his movements, on his body this time. Shikamaru was surprised, you hadn’t washed him before but he didn’t complain. It was a nice testament to how much you cared for him. He rinsed off quickly and took your face in his hands. “I’m gonna put new sheets on the bed for us, okay? Can you stay here for a sec?” You nodded and watch as he exited the shower. You stood underneath the water and listened as he got himself a towel and began to dry off. The sound of Shikamaru exiting the bathroom and the rush of cold air that accompanied snapped something inside of you. A deep sadness welled from inside your chest and tears began to trickle down your cheeks. ‘It’s just the drop, it’s all okay,” you told yourself. You wanted to go back out to Shikamaru and lay wrapped in his arms. ‘He’s just outside making the bed, he’s not that far away, it’s okay,” you consoled. You felt embarrassed now, that you’d been crying for no reason. It made you feel anxious, worrying that Shikamaru would be frustrated with your up and down emotions. But you also knew that stewing in your current state would make it worse, so it would be better to se him.

You turned the water off and grabbed a clean towel from under the sink. You wrapped it around you and opened the door to your shared bedroom. Shikamaru had just finished putting the fitted sheet on the bed. He had dressed himself in a pair of grey sweatpants, but still had yet to put a shirt on. Small beads of water rolled down his chest from his hair. He was unfolding the top sheet when he saw your eyes red and puffy, standing wrapped in the towel. His face dropped into concern as he looked over at you. “Hey, hey, what’s happening?” he asked gently. You walked over to him and nuzzled your head into his chest. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled you into his lap. He rocked back and forth holding on to you. “It’s okay love, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered as you began to calm once more. Your breath slightly shaky. You relished in the feeling of being enveloped by his warmth, his clean scent filling your senses. He slowly slid you onto the bed, pulling the towel from around you, folding it and placing it under your head so the bed didn’t get wet. “I’m gonna make the rest of the bed around you,” he explained smiling. He flipped the top sheet over you, then the comforter and then he cased the pillows and arranged them around you, like you were in a nest. “There you go, perfect,” he smiled down at you. You reached for him and he leaned down to kiss you. “I’m gonna get something for you to eat, okay love? Will you be okay?” You nodded back up at him and he disappeared down the hall.

When he returned he had a bowl with apple slices, powdered with cinnamon and drizzled with honey, and a glass of water. He set the bowl down on the side table and grabbed a sleep shirt for you from the drawer. “I don’t want you getting cold,” he grinned. You reached for the shirt to put it on but he slipped it over your head for you. Shikamaru climbed into bed next to you and handed you the bowl of apples. “For you, my beauty,” he admired and you smiled as you ate your snack. “So do you wanna show me that video your friend sent you?” Your eyes lit up and that was the reaction he was hoping for. He needed to bring you back down to the present moment, back to your body instead of you floating outside of it. Shikamaru knew that this deep of a drop could last a few days but the sooner he got you even just a little bit more grounded the easier the transition would be for you. “Hold this for me will ya?” you asked and he took the bowl from your hands as you reached for your phone.

One video led to many and soon you were laughing and talking more while munching on your apples. Shikamaru took the empty bowl and handed you the glass of water. You took a few sips and then held the glass to his lips, “you too,” you beamed. He drank and then thanked you before setting the glass on the side table. He rubbed your tummy and kissed it, “feel better?” he asked. “Yeah, much... thank you, I love you.” He kissed you, “I love you right back.” He coaxed you up and back to the bathroom to brush teeth and properly get ready for bed.

You both climbed back into bed and Shikamaru turned out the light. His arms encircled your body as they did every night. His warmth was comforting and you entertained your legs with his in an effort to feel ever closer to him. “You take good care of me,” you murmured, half asleep. “That’s because, I love you, and we belong to each other... for however long you want it to be that way,” he whispered. Your eyes opened and you turned to look at him. “For forever,” you said almost hurt at the implication. He kissed you for the last time that night, “alright then, I’m yours forever.” You fell asleep with a smile on your face that night.

Your eyes fluttered open, the golden light of morning filtered through the blinds. You took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. A kiss on your cheek alerted you that Shikamaru was awake too. “Good morning Princess, how are you feeling?” You rolled over so that your head was on his chest. You drew small patterns with your fingertips over his heart, little flowers and other simple shapes. “I am wonderful, how are you?” “Even better now,”he responded with a kiss to your head. “Now, what do you want for breakfast?” You laughed softly, “no, you can’t do it yourself, I wanna help.” You paused, and snuggled deeper into his chest. “But in a little while, I just wanna lay here with you for a little longer.” Shikamaru stroked up and down your arm, “we can lay here as long as you want.” “Forever?” “Forever.”

#Shikamaru #shikamaru nara #nara #nara clan #naruto #narutoverse #shika #soft boi #fluff #fluffy

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thewritingstar · 4 years

Text

Until My Heart Stops Racing

Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol)

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me!

Word count: 5538

---

The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.

“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.

Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.

Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.

The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.

“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”

In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.

“Yeah, why not?”

I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”

He sighed and smirked.

“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”

Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.

“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.

“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.

I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.

“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.

“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.

“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.

“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”

One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.

“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.

I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.

“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.

“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.

My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.

“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.

I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.

The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.

We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.

“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.

“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.

“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.

The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.

“Wait for real?”

“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”

“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.

“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.

“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.

“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.

The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.

After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.

“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.

“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”

“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.

I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.

“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.

We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.

“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.

“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.

Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.

“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.

He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”

The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.

“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.

Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.

But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.

“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.

All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.

“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.

Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.

My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.

“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.

Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.

“You okay?” He asks me.

“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”

“It's not a big deal.”

But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.

I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.

“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.

But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.

The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.

While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.

Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.

The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.

He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.

“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.

“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”

“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.

I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”

“...What?”

My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.

Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.

Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?

After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.

Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.

“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.

“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”

I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”

There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.

Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.

“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.

“No. I just wanna go home.”

Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”

“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.

“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.

Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.

It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.

“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”

“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.

“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”

Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”

“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.

It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.

It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.

There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.

Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.

I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.

I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.

Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.

But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.

“Hey.”

I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.

“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.

I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.

“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.

“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”

“Don’t be.”.

“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”

He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”

I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.

Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.

Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.

He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.

“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.

“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.

He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”

“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”

“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”

Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?

“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”

He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.

“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”

The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.

I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.

He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.

When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.

“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.

“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.

“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.

“Well, what about that dinosaur?”

“I love dinosaurs.”

Mitch smiled. “I know.”

The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.

“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”

“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.

“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.

I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.

“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.

“Me too.”

When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.

“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.

He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”

His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.

“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”

“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.

The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.

That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.

I hope you enjoyed love!!

#Mitch x mike #mike x Mitch ppg #ppg #ppg fic #fanfic commissions

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elizabeatrice · 4 years

Text

Feeling Blue, Seeing Red (Chapter 69)

Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga #5

Updated: 19/8/2020 (more thoughts)

Bea is back with the lame punny titles~

Warning: !!! MANGA SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 69 !!! Duh.

Soooo I opened the raws this morning. Saw the spicy and went 'ohh shoot'. Then some of y'all say that some folks are hating Akane bc of this chap. I proceeded to panic, because fandom war is scary af. So I translated the chap for myself. And I just gotta say:

Aoi, Nene, your boyfriends are idiots. Y'all gonna be punching and headbutting the idiocy out of them for the rest of your lives and I'll be willing to pay for your karate classes.

The teen drama made me laugh so hard ahahahaha I guess this is what you get for hoping sensei will drop a bomb this month lmaoooo.

P.S. Teru you little shit

Man I don’t even know where to begin. This chapter is oozing doraaaaama and I can’t take it seriously no matter how much I try. I remember thinking, “Shoot, this is the ‘I hate you, I hate you too, proceed to make out’ trope in JSHK’s classic ‘oooh serious moment, eh? PSYCHE!’ style,” before bursting into laughter.

I swear I’m not making fun of it.

Because it’s already fun to begin with. Ahahahaha.

I do however, take seriously the long-awaited insight into Aoi’s mind. I hollered in joy, y’all. ‘Cause like ... finally!

(Also like ... ngl the development of Aoi and akaoi in this arc might come into play in my Shrek AU. Pls don’t ask. Yet. That’s not the official AU name I swear I just wanna confuse my readers ahahaha)

Back when chapter 64 came out I wrote something that was supposed to be the first of the Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga series but I ended up not posting it because I wasn’t sure about a bunch of things. Here’s an excerpt from that post, titled ‘Aoi and Her Blues’:

I mean, what did the minions do to her? ‘Remove unnecessary things’. Someone said they removed her inhibitions (I’m terribly sorry I forgot who said this because it’s been so long so I can’t put the link here, but if you know, feel free to send me the link).

But she has to be brainwashed, right?

She remembered enough about Nene. Enough to call her out on her feelings (that she still denies btw lol) and recognize Hanako from Nene’s wonderful description (or because Aoi could see him all this time and never said anything, who knows?).

Most importantly, she remembered Akane.

So apparently they weren’t unnecessary enough to be erased from her memory. Which I’d beg to differ if I were going to make this girl willingly sacrifice herself.

Would she let her best friend fall down into a pit full of giant insects, or let her childhood friend get impaled? I mean this is the same girl that cried when Akane and Yamabuki got together (by accident) and when Nene started talking to herself like a madwoman.

So yeah. Definitely brainwashed. Pretty sure now.

The one thing that bugged me is what she said though.

“I’ve always wanted to go somewhere far away.”

“Nothing will stop me from getting my wish.”

Btw these aren’t accurate word for word I’m just drawing from memory.

Is that a wish forced upon her by the brainwashing, or has Aoi been depressed all this time and ... y’know, therefore thought about ‘going far away’? I’m personally leaning more towards the first, but it still got me thinking.

Remember back in The Clock Keeper arc when she said there was something she wanted to tell Nene?

Can some creepy hands showing up in the gardening club’s album photos really warrant that kind of expression? Is it just me who got disappointed when the thing she wanted to tell Nene ended up being just that?

But if she did have such thoughts, why?

Maybe she was lonely? I mean Nene got so busy with supernatural shenanigans. Akane’s busy with student council stuff (and school wonder stuff). Though I don’t doubt for a second that he’d drop everything for Aoi, but Aoi’s not the kind of person to do that. And to be honest, I feel like so far Aoi hasn’t been shown having genuine interaction with anyone aside from Nene and Yamabuki without the other person being completely enamored by her. And even with Yamabuki that was just in that After School chapter.

So I guess my hunch wasn’t that far off. Still though. Still though. Is she or is she not brainwashed? Because as much as Aoi likes-but hates-but actually kinda likes Akane, I still don’t think she’s the type of person to stab her childhood friend until he’s got a hole through his fucking torso.

Throwing Nene into the bug pit I guess makes more sense if Aoi knew all along that the pit won’t lead anywhere too dangerous, and that Hanako wouldn’t leave Nene’s side. Nene’s perfectly safe with him. Sorta. She did get kidnapped and were about to be sacrificed after all. But heeey Hanako still showed up to save her in the end.

Stabbing Akane like that tho? Even if she knows he wouldn’t die in a boundary especially in his school wonder form? It just doesn’t feel like Aoi, man.

Then again she did say no one really knows her, and that anyone who does would end up being disappointed in her.

I’m really happy to know that she does not, in fact, appreciate all the attention given to her. Comedy framing aside, constantly having some random guy approach you to ask you out presumably every day is ... annoying at best. Kid deserves better.

So ya girl got some extreme trust issues. Strangers, even Akane and Nene, I could understand. But her dad tho? Is something going on in the Akane household? Bruh ....

How long has Aoi not been able to trust anyone enough to let them get close to her? Because if she’s been feeling like that about Nene all this time, Imma be super sad bruh. Nene is one of the most genuine kids ever (perhaps only second to Kou).

I understand that Aoi’s disappointed because Nene’s been keeping secrets, but honestly, who would believe you if you come up to them and say, “Hey so I summoned a toilet ghost and now I’m stuck as his assistant. The rumors about supernaturals are like, totally real, and can endanger everyone in this school for real, too. Also I turn into fish when I come in contact with water.”

Sensible best friends would either a) not believe you, or b) try to get you as far away from supernatural shit as possible ‘cause hello? Ya ain’t Miles Morales ya can’t just blast What’s Up Danger when monster of the week shows up.

Even if Aoi does let it continue, wouldn’t she wanna get involved? Would Nene let her get involved when Tsukasa’s still around? Ya girl got cursed, thrown off the top of a boundary, sent to literally nowhere and everywhere, almost got her body stolen by mirror monsters, kidnapped and taken into a fake world, and now trapped in literal Grim Reaper’s realm. Honestly, who would involve their best friend in this sort of shit?

It just makes me sad to think that all this time Akane and Nene have genuinely cared about her but she didn’t think they were. Aoi, my girl Nene literally threaded hell boundaries and high shallow water to save you!!!

Unrequited platonic love hurts just as much as romantic ones, y’all ....

Speaking of romantic love.

Hey, uh, Akane. For claiming to despise Hanako and calling him a slimy pervert, y’all kinda act the same way with your respective girlfriends when things get a bit heated up, huh? Even the teasing part.

Boy, you’re dumb af. You deserve that.

There it is y’all, it’s official. We got punches for akaoi and headbutts for hananene.

You deserve this too. But Teru’s face here is really annoying, I’ll give you that. Teru you little shit.

At least you’re finally gonna be useful. Let’s just see.

Hmm I guess I have to address the thing now.

Ahem. The thing. The pushing (pulling?) Aoi down, grabbing her neck thing.

Yeah I don’t get it either. Whether it was a creative choice taken in consideration to the actual character’s state or to just pander to the trope that seems to be marketable in Japan or both, I don’t really know.

I do however, have to remind you that none of these kids are in their right mind. One is possibly still recovering from the effects of brainwashing and dealing with not only extreme trust issues and insecurities, but also the sight of a gaping hole on her childhood friend and perhaps crush’s torso, not to mention having to deal with this in the middle of nowhere. The other one is the said person with a gaping hole on his torso, who almost lost his life-long crush, and even got stabbed by her in the first place.

They’re lost. They’re tired. They’re emotional. They’re frustrated. They’re two hormonal teens.

I think Akane thought Aoi wouldn’t listen to him unless he makes her. Which is why he went with exposing her by saying he hated her. Which is still a dumb move in my opinion. But Aoi rightfully got back at him. And honestly I didn’t think he really hurt her. I mean, it’s Akane after all. *shrugs*

The way I see it, the entire thing was a result from not only their current condition but also the uh ... not telling each other how they really feel all this time. Aoi with her issues, Akane with his secrets. They’re a ticking bomb. It’s horrible that they ended up hurting each other because of this (physically and emotionally), but I could see why it went like this. These two are flawed. Most importantly, they’re teenagers. They’re bound to fuck up in this equation.

Heck, I’ve fucked up worse in less endangering situations before.

But heeey once things get cleared between them they fall right back to each other. Sure things aren’t entirely resolved. But they’re gonna be okay. Teru’s there. Should be fine. Probably.

The thing is we as the audience who come into the story with a clear head can easily figure out the best, most sensible way to deal with the characters’ problems. But these problems affect the characters in (physical, physiological, psychological, emotional) ways most of us can’t immediately empathize with, which can make their bad decisions frustrating for us to see. We know it’s wrong. And when these characters have calmed down and healed, they’ll know that it’s wrong, too. If they’re not dicks, that is.

You know how it feels when you’re fighting with someone, and you know the best thing to do is to talk it out, but you just can’t bring yourself to? It makes things worse, right? And you’re frustrated, right? Unfortunately that’s just how humans are.

Even I let my emotions get the best of me when I judged the villagers’ actions back in chapter 68 hahaha (but I still think they’re awful).

It’s just my opinion tho.

And whooo everyone is officially here but Yamabuki (and Sakura and Tsukasa, but they’re bound to show up)! Catch up soon, my citrus child.

Lastly, I have the moral obligation to remind you that if akaoi’s confrontation ended up like this, imagine how hananene’s would be.

I’ll leave you to your deductions.

As always, feel free to discuss. Just ... don’t fight, onegaishimasu.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk manga spoilers #tbhk manga spoilers #aoi akane #akane aoi #minamoto teru #yashiro nene #let's talk about jshk manga #bea rambles #just in case it's not clear i'm not supporting physical abuse okay #i have really morbid sense of humor #and i still love my sons no matter how idiotic they are #i do tho pity my daughters #(this is about the karate class comment at the beginning btw)

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escapekissed · 4 years

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as some of u may know, i am a NEET! i dropped out of high school bc of my agoraphobia and bipolar disorder and lately my self-hatred has been getting worse and worse.

i want to focus these days on activities and people that make me feel good about myself, that make me feel proud of myself and that make me want to keep living even when its hard and even when i think the whole world is judging me harshly for being fat and gnc and having acne and being a disabled lesbian with hormone issues, to the point where i feel like i should just die and not exist so people don’t have to look at me.

i feel proud of my blog and everything i do here. i feel happy when i comment on u guys’ posts, when i make hcs, when i write long ask answers. it makes me feel good. this is honestly a hobby for me that makes me feel happy and fulfilled.

that means i want to make more art with you guys. i want to write with u more and i want to connect with u more. i think i’ve been telling myself that i don’t want to be here bc i don’t have the emotional and mental energy but the truth was i was pushing away the part of my life that makes me the happiest, my writing and my creativity.

in the future i’m going to put more time and care into taking care of myself and writing with you all.

some days will be harder than others---i still don’t have much energy and i’m very depressed and anxious---but i want to try again. i want to try to be happy and proud of myself.

thank you for helping me have a space where i can do that. thank you for accepting my art and every piece of myself i put into it. thank u for giving me a space where my heart can belong. i hope we can continue to write together and create beautiul things together.

#ooc: psa

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endearingsalt · 4 years

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Marie Watches Amok Time, sober but emo

(yes, there are spoilers. also it gets long.)

Holy shit the soup scene wasn’t exaggerated

this poor man. hormones are the mcfucking worst amirite

he’s trying so hard not to say why. this is hilarious but i also feel so bad for him

“I need... rest” fjslfjdifjdjdjdjdkd

Babe what is in your hand. Is that a fucking knife

SPOCK NO. BABY NO. PUT DOWN THE KNIFE HONEY

okay I have a question. why doesn’t starfleet know about this. like it’s a part of Vulcan biology. it’s a necessity. they should know. but yes yes i know, i can hear my brother’s voice even now telling me “shut up, star trek isn’t supposed to make sense”

Wow Kirk was really thinking of being late for him huh. before even knowing. we’re all idiots in love

I’m fucking dying the way they’re building up the suspense

oh. oh baby. baby. honey no. darling. shit. fuck. oh my gosh i feel for him so hard rn

wow bones really does drop the mean-to-spock act the second he’s in trouble huh

THE HAND QUAKING THING I’M SO SAD

Kirk and Bones, right now: “YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US YOU WERE GOING TO DIE, MAN. WHAT THE FUCK.”

wow i knew what brand of angst this was going to bring me but for real. ow.

imagine being a vulcan parent having to give The Talk™️. those poor people. Vulcans are like the Irish having no word for menstruation

“biology.” this whole scene is so damn awkward im dying

This poor man

KIRK’S FACE WHEN ASKED HOW VULCANS CHOOSE MATES REALLY IS LIKE THAT

The person who wrote this was high. That’s the only explanation for this galaxy brain take right here

Imagine being Kirk right now and trying to be sensitive but also hearing this information for the first time

oh wow im emo

watching this as a sex-repulsed asexual really makes it hit different

Sulu and Chekhov are amazing

“Leave me alone. LEAVE ME ALONE” wow. mood.

Send Spock in a shuttle? But again, “not supposed to make sense”

Awww there goes Kirk being Kirk. Also I can’t help but feel “isn’t that worth a career” has undertones of a callback fo Menagerie

Chapel. Sweetie. I’m sorry but this crush you have will not go well for you. And if it does, it still won’t be the way you want. Go kiss Uhura, you’ll feel better

Spock has so many weapons in his room. I love it.

We haven’t even made it to Vulcan yet

You know something’s wrong with Spock when he compliments Bones

Wow this is so sad and yet so soft

🥺🥺”best friends”😭😭

THERE SHE IS. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. THE LESBIAN. T’PRING.

“She is my wife” the WAY bones just LOOKS at Kirk I’m ded hahaha

If I were a Vulcan I would accept death that’s it that’s facts

Once again, Kirk has done his Vulcan research

Wow there is so much soft dialogue in this episode oh my gosh I’m dying

I know I’ve already said this but I feel so. bad. for him right now. I put off watching this episode bc I knew it was gonna make me emo. I’m still not sure watching it now was the right choice. I’m doing it for the lore

ohhhhh it’s getting worse am I gonna start crying I might I might start crying

The bells are killing the mood but honestly? I’m so glad the bells are here to kill the mood so I don’t start bawling rn

Wow kirk’s a nerd. He can fit so much love and history factz in him

They’re gonna fight with some weird shovels

BITCH. YOU COULDA TOLD HIM IT WAS TO THE DEATH EARLIER. LIKE WHEN SPOCK WAS ACTIVELY BEGGING YOU TO, FOR INSTANCE

oh here we go. the horniest fight to the death in history

Bones if you could compensate that easily why DIDN’T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE

now they fight with some jump ropes

oh shit. oh man. here it comes. time to get even more emo

McCoy you are taking this SO well. Are you fucking lying to us right now, or like??

That “wanting is better than having” quote is fucking insane in context. I’m emo

“I shall do neither” im. emotionally compromised

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* JIM *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

OHHHH HOLY SHIT IM EMO

oh fuck oh shit oh gosh oh fuck im. i cant

HA. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT BONES YOU CLEVER BASTARD

ohhhhh wow alright. so. i’ll be processing that for weeks.

#marie talks #star trek #long post

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dead--girls--club · 5 years

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My life with chronic migraines

I have chronic migraines! So does my mother. So does my grandmother and apparently so did my great grandmother. Shit sucks.

To clarify, I’m 19, I was officially diagnosed with chronic migraines a year and a half ago. I’ve been going to doctors and neurologists since i was in 5th grade. When I was younger, I would get a really bad headache and I could take ibuprofen and it would go away. Now, I’m not even allowed to take ibuprofen bc my body has gained a dangerously high tolerance to it. In about, 10th grade, my headaches got worse, like, so much worse. I also have endometriosis, so my migraines were always “part of endometriosis” and not it’s own issue. By second semester of 11th grade I was going to school about, 2-3 days out of the week. My senior year I dropped out before second semester to go to a technical school, thinking it would be better (it wasn’t) By that point I had been put on a birth control that cause me to become seriously ill and caused my migraines to become worse. I then dropped out of technical college 4 months into it. My migraines have always been brushed off as me being “over dramatic” or “faking it”. I heard “be realistic, you couldn’t of had a migraine for 2 weeks straight” (that migraine turned into a 2 month long ordeal) I lost friends because I was just, never there, or when I was, I was in blistering pain. I still think that, even tho I have doctors who know I’m telling the truth and have documentation of my illness, a majority of people think I’m lying. When I get a migraine, doesn’t matter where, I’m sensitive to sound, light and I become claustrophobic. I become intensely depressed or angry or uncomfortable. If the migraine is behind my eyes, I’ve described the pain as a “ice pick lobotomy”. It feels like begging my eyes are being stabbed, this migraine are the ones where I can barely see. If the migraine is close to my ears, I won’t be about to hear. At all. With any migraine, my body will hurt, I’ll become insanely nauseous and dizzy. Sometimes I’ll have such a bad migraine that I can’t fall asleep. Or I’ll sleep for 18+ hours. I’ve been put on over 23 medications, just for my migraines. I’ve had 2 different injection medications. To help the migraine caused by menstruating, I’ve been put onto 7 different birth controls. Because my migraines start with auras, I cannot take any hormonal birth control (or I might have a seizure). I see a neurologist, about every 3 months. Depending on how I’m doing. I also get MRI’s about twice a year. I’m writing this because I’m hoping, someone will learn something from my experience. I’m hoping that people who know me, won’t just brush me off when I say I’m in pain. Because my migraine pain can knock you guys out cold. There’s no “cure” to chronic migraines. My current neurologist says that migraines are most common among artists and intensely smart people. So I guess it’s cool to know I’m either smart or creative😂 thanks for reading my long post.

Also fun fact, I’ve started calling my migraines “spicy headaches” bc it makes me and my boyfriend laugh.

#chronic migraines #chronic pain #chronic illness #migraine #headache #invisible illness #doctors #neurology #spicy headache

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waitineedaname · 6 years

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If ur taking writing prompts, you should write some amnesty trio platonic found family fluff

I didn’t proofread this at ALL because I wanted to post it Immediately bc I enjoyed it so much. Thank you for sending this in!!

“Well,” Duck said from his position on the forest floor, “That sucked.”

“You can say that again.” Ned groaned, patting himself down gingerly for bruises.

“Okay. That sucked.” Duck said again, still not getting up.

“Duck Newton,” Beacon drawled from where it was held loosely in his hand, “What kind of a warrior are you if you cannot take a little beating? Someday, you’ll-”

“Beacon, shut up.” Aubrey’s head appeared in Duck’s line of sight, looking a little worse for wear herself. “Duck, you need a hand?”

“Please.” He grabbed her hand and used her as a bit of leverage to pull himself up. A wave of dizziness swept over him, a reminder of the very solid tree he’d hit his head on. He must have visibly swayed because Aubrey put her hands out to catch him.

“Whoa now! You okay?”

“Yeah just- just gimme a second.” He said, squeezing his eyes shut. He could practically hear Aubrey frown next to him.

“Ned, you know where Duck lives, right? Mind driving him home?”

“No, really, I’m fine-”

“No, you look like shit, my friend.” Ned announced, already unlocking the back of his treasured car. “Concussions are no joke, trust me.”

“We should probably stay with you and make sure you don’t, like, pass out and die.” Aubrey added. Duck looked at them, the two most stubborn people he knew, and sighed. He was too worn out to put up a fight.

“Alright. Don’t go blamin’ me if my cat scratches you, though. She doesn’t like visitors.”

Aubrey grinned in that way that made it impossible to be mad at her and quickly ushered him to the passenger side of the car. He must have zoned out somewhere between putting on his seatbelt and pulling into his apartment complex because it seemed to take no time at all. That probably wasn’t a good sign. Maybe it was a good thing they were sticking with him.

He unlocked the door with only mild fumbling and flicked the light on. “Fig, I’m home.” A soft “mrow?” answered him and a fluffy tortoiseshell appeared from under the dining table, freezing as soon as she saw the two guests.

“Kitty!” Aubrey gasped, immediately dropping onto her knees to get closer to the cat.

“Now, watch out, she doesn’t like new- Huh.” Fig was already rubbing all over Aubrey, covering her dark jeans in fur. Aubrey was absolutely delighted.

“Is her name really Fig? Like Fig Newton?” Aubrey scooped the cat up in her arms before Duck could tell her not to, but Fig just purred happily.

“Uh- Yeah, my sister named her. She doesn’t even let me hold her, how’re you…?”

“I’m an animal whisperer.” Aubrey said very seriously.

“Right. Is that one of your magic powers?” Duck asked, lips quirking in a smile.

“Mhm. I’m very powerful.” She nodded, but she was definitely holding back a laugh of her own. Duck snorted softly and walked further inside, dropping his keys on the table.

“Alright, well, welcome to my apartment. Y’all make yourselves at home, sit wherever. Hope you don’t mind if I get changed?” He asked, gesturing to his uniform, then to the bedroom.

“It’s your house. We’re not here to judge.” Ned shrugged, already strolling over to the couch.

“Just don’t fall asleep! And grab some ibuprofen while you’re in there.” Aubrey added.

Duck reemerged a few minutes later in sweatpants and a t-shirt, carrying the bottle of ibuprofen, to find Ned on the couch cautiously trying to pet Fig and Aubrey poking around in the kitchen.

“Is it cool if I make some tea? You’ve got beer, but it’s like 4am and you’re probably concussed so… I dunno if alcohol’s the greatest idea.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Duck sat down on one of the extra chairs and sighed as if it had been some great exertion. Ned looked at him with amusement.

“You know, it’s been a while since I’ve seen your place. It has not really changed much.”

“Yeah, well, you know me.” Duck gave him a wan smile. “Not really much of an interior decorator.” Ned laughed, and Aubrey joined them with three carefully balanced mugs of tea.

“Your only decaf stuff was raspberry zinger, hope that’s okay.”

“That’s perfectly alright, thank you Aubrey.” Duck said, taking one of the mugs and answering her bright smile with a tired one. He took a few ibuprofen and washed it down with swig of his tea, wincing when it burnt his tongue. He started to tip his head back, drowsiness overtaking him, but Aubrey’s boot connected with his shin before he could.

“Don’t go to sleep yet. I dunno all the concussion rules, but I’m pretty sure you can’t go to sleep immediately afterwards.”

“I’m forty-five, you don’t have to mother me.” He said, as close to petulant as he could get.

“We might not be your mother, Duck, but we’re your friends.” Ned shrugged. “We’ve gotta look out for you sometimes.”

“Yeah! I mean, I know you’re hard to kill ‘n all that, but we’d be pretty shitty friends if we let a concussion be the thing that takes you out.” Aubrey said, untying her shoes and tucking socked feet underneath her.

Duck stared at the two of them for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t have many friends - he had plenty, he was on friendly terms with most of Kepler - but it had been a while since he’d had someone looking out for him like this. The three of them were as unlikely of a group as it gets, but he had to admit, it was nice having them around.

“Alright.” He gave in and smiled at them. “Y’all’re gonna have to keep me awake, though.”

Aubrey dove right in to a conversation, chatting about whatever it was that she could think of and kicking him gently whenever he looked like he was about to drift off. Ned carried most of the conversation with her, but it was clear the exhaustion was getting to him. He was the first to fall asleep on the couch, snoring softly with his empty mug in his hands. Aubrey didn’t last much longer than he did, trailing off in the middle of her sentences and shaking herself awake to keep talking until she just couldn’t anymore. And then Duck was the only one still awake, leeching the last bits of warmth out of his mug. He watched his friends with a soft smile - Ned snoring, and Aubrey’s cheek squished against the side of the couch - friends that were practically family at this point.

He couldn’t ask for a better team.

Slouched in his chair, Duck fell asleep too.

At 7:00am sharp, his watch went off, startling both him and Aubrey awake.

“Wh- What’s happenin’?” Aubrey jolted upright, the indent of the couch still on her cheek.

“Nothing. Just the alarm to take my hormones, go back to sleep.” He hushed her, silencing his watch and getting up. She nodded sleepily and looked like she was about to fall asleep again, then jolted upright.

“Shit, my meds! They’re back at the Lodge.” She immediately started shaking Ned awake, much to his displeasure. “Ned, you gotta drive me back to the Lodge!”

“Now?” He groaned.

“Please? I’ll get Barclay to make those muffins you like as payment! Please, please, please, if I don’t take my ADHD meds I’ll die.”

Duck snorted softly at her melodrama and waved at the two of them as Ned reluctantly pulled himself upright. “Y’all give Barclay the rundown of last night. I’ll swing by after work.”

“Yeah, see you there! Don’t get any more head injuries without us, got it?” Aubrey gave him what was probably supposed to be an intimidating look, but it only made him laugh.

“You got it. Go get your meds.” He gave them a half salute as Aubrey pushed Ned outside, and then the door was shut. Duck walked to the bathroom as silence fell over his apartment, and realized he could probably get used to a little more noise in the house.

#duck newton #ned chicane #aubrey little #taza #taz amnesty #my writing #okay to reblog #as is the case in all my fics duck trans #also the pine guard taking care of each other bc they're good friends #i haven't written ned or aubrey before oops i hope i got them right #anonymous #asks

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