#be careful if youre super sensitive to child abuse topics

[angelcloves]

reading over it again i might have overhyped todays request upload but it still deals with things that might not be nice to see so exercise caution

[miryum]

Foundling Villa- Chapter 3

Royal!Charles Leclerc x Reader. Princess Y/n is arranged to marry Prince Charles. There will be many ups and downs that the author hasn’t planned out yet, but read along to find out more! (Yes, I know that sounds super cheesy) Warnings per chapter. Hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of sex, mentions of misogyny

ao3 link  next chapter>>

“What are our three takeaways?” True to his word, Lorenzo had sat his brothers down in a small library and given them a lesson on how to correctly please a girl. Charles would never admit it, but he learned a lot. Being a prince under the scrutiny of the court, he didn’t have a lot of time to fool around with girls. Lorenzo was the only Leclerc brother who had gone all the way; and that was only because he tied the knot. 

Arthur groaned, running a hand over his face. The poor boy had been scarred for life. “Aim for the neck like a wild animal you want to kill, wiggling is great, and you’re horse racing.”

“Charles?” Lorenzo waited for him to translate Arthur’s words into something not as sarcastic.

“The neck is a sensitive spot,” Charles rattled off. “Don’t discount your fingers… down there. And change paces and speed.”

“Exactly.” Lorenzo nodded. “Trust me, your wives will thank me.”

“I’m not married yet!” Charles exclaimed, standing and stalking out of the room. He rubbed his temples, wanting to erase the memory of the last hour. Lorenzo had pulled out old medical books with diagrams Charles wanted to forget. His mind unwillingly went to you. Would sex be all that Lorenzo said it was? 

As if he had wished you into existence, you rounded the corner in front of him, following a maid. Your head was bowed and you shuffled along, as if you were a child awaiting punishment. That is not how a future princess of Enza should look, Charles thought. 

He had spent the past days under the careful eye of his mother, the Queen inputting her opinions whenever she could. Admittedly, Pascale had made him see things from your perspective. Charles thought about what it would be like moving to Williams where he would be leaving his family and didn’t know anyone- not even his future bride. He knew of the misogyny that was still held over the women of this continent and couldn’t imagine what you must be feeling. Having to play the silent, passive type, without knowing what Charles was like. What if he quelled your ideas with a flick of his hand? Or if he was abusive? Or wouldn’t take no for an answer? 

Charles had shuddered at those thoughts. The simple prospect that you might mistake him for a vulgar and insensitive man baffled him. 

“Excuse me,” Charles stepped in front of the maid that was escorting you. “May I ask where you’re taking Princess Y/n?”

“Your Highness!” The maid dropped into a low curtsy. “Princess Y/n is scheduled for a dress fitting. The seamstresses have made her wedding gown and need to make sure it fits.”

“That sounds lovely.” Charles found you staring at him sceptically. You looked away when he caught your eye. “Would you mind if I accompanied you?”

The maid turned back to you. It wasn’t her place to agree or refuse. You were the princess, after all.

You nodded. “I wouldn’t mind.” Prince Charles held out his arm and you placed yours over his. “How are you?” you asked. 

“Not bad. I was just lectured by my brother, though, so I could be better.” 

“Oh? What about?” 

“Anatomy.” 

You chuckled. “Yes, I received the same lecture from my older sister. It’s a shame older siblings tend to be so direct.” 

“Indeed it is.” Prince Charles shifted topics, “my mother said she had a lovely brunch with you yesterday.” 

“As did I.” You smiled at the memory. “She’s a wonderful woman, Prince Charles. Very considerate and sweet.” Queen Pascale has asked you many questions about yourself and never once brought up the impending marriage. She made you feel human and not just another thing to be auctioned off for the sake of your kingdom. 

“Have you met my brothers?” Prince Charles asked.

“Have you met mine?” Your reply was harsh and quick. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. No, I haven’t had the chance to officially meet your brothers yet.”

“I’m sorry as well,” Charles sympathised for you. You were expected to conform to his kingdom whereas he had never set foot in yours. “But your siblings, they’re coming to the wedding?”

“My eldest brother, sister, and my youngest brother.”

“What of your other two sisters?” You were surprised he remembered you had two more siblings.

“Um,” you stumbled for the correct wording. “Their husbands are too busy.”

“Can’t they come alone?” Charles realised his mistake. Your sisters couldn’t travel without their husband’s permission. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. He promised himself that he would always allow you to do what you wanted. He wanted you to feel so safe and welcomed and loved that you didn’t even ask him for permission. 

“It’s alright.”

“Your Highness, my Lady,” the maid addressed you, pushing open a door. Prince Charles guided you through it and into an expansive room. Many seamstresses were running about, putting the finishing touches on gowns and robes and tunics for the wedding. Bundles of fabric were thrown about the place and practically every seamstress had pins sticking out of their hair to fix the clothes of the royal family. Tailor dummies were positioned around the room, each in front of a large mirror. You saw King Hervé, Queen Pascale, Prince Lorenzo, and Prince Arthur’s outfits. You didn’t see yours or Prince Charles’s. Once you and Prince Charles stepped in the room the hectic energy ceased in time for everyone to curtsy before returning to their task. 

“Princess Y/n!” A man called out to you. “My name is Esteban! Call me Este! I’m the head tailor for Enza. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Charles hid a smile at Este’s enthusiasm.

“Hello Este!” You reached out and grabbed his hand to shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well. Are these all your designs?”

“Yes, of course!” Este gestured around. “Do you like them?”

“They’re beautiful!” 

“Would you like to see yours?” Este couldn’t stop beaming. He was so excited to show you the gown he designed.

“Yes, please!” Something about Este radiated intoxicating energy and you loved it. You felt excited for the first time in a long while.

“Come on, stand here,” Este pushed you towards a small pedestal in front of a mirror. “Monica! Help the princess.”

A seamstress rushed over to you and started unbuttoning your dress. “Uh, pardon me,” you instinctively jerked away. “What are you doing?” Your gaze flickered to Prince Charles. His eyes were anywhere but you.

“I’m sorry, my Lady, but we need to make sure the dress fits.” She kept unbuttoning. “You may still keep your slip-on.” 

Soon you were reduced to nothing. Standing, literally, on a pedestal in front of everyone, you were only wearing a flimsy little linen chemise. Your arms were crossed in front of you and you were staring at your toes. 

“Are you sure Prince Charles should be here for this?” You asked, “Isn’t it bad luck for the groom to see the wedding gown?”

“Nonsense!” Este waves you away. “It’ll give us a chance to make sure his suit fits as well. Go on up!” Este pushed Prince Charles onto the adjourning pedestal. “Take it off,” he demanded.

Prince Charles smiled sheepishly at you and started unbuttoning his tunic. You looked away when he started on his pants. Soon, both you and your future husband were dressed only in your undergarments and you still had three weeks until the wedding. 

“Princess Y/n,” Este dragged over a large swath of pink material. “I know we said a red dress, but I couldn’t let you have a wedding without a somewhat white dress. I would feel terrible. So, if you mix red and white, what do you get?” He didn’t wait for you to answer. “A lovely rose colour!” Este bunched the dress on the floor so you could step in. Once you did, a team of seamstresses swarmed you, hooking, buttoning, and tying everything into its correct place. “And don’t you worry, Prince Charles,” Este winked at the prince. “It’s much easier to get off than it is to put on.” Charles nodded, chuckling awkwardly.

“Wow…” Once the seamstresses stepped back proudly, you took yourself in. The dress was one of the softest, yet heaviest things you had ever worn. To account for Enza’s weather and the fact that you and Prince Charles would be paraded around town after the wedding, your sleeves were thin and airy. Paired with a sweetheart-neckline and a tight corset which exploded into a thick skirt, it was beautiful. Lace and small jewels cascaded down the gown. 

Charles let out a breath. He saw you admiring yourself in the mirror and smiled. You felt beautiful. He wanted you to feel beautiful more often. He liked your expression when you did. 

“It’s wonderful,” you told Este, grinning. “I didn’t think I would like it this much. But would it be possible to lose a layer of fabric? Enza is much warmer than Williams and I wouldn’t want to sweat.” The honesty surprised Charles. Once you arrived in Enza, Charles had quickly realised that you would conform your emotions to whatever others wanted. If you didn’t like the food at the dinner table, you would eat it anyway in fear of offending the cooks. It surprised Charles that you were openly asking for adjustments.

“Of course, Princess!” Este rushed to take notes. “And let’s take it in here, here, and see that stitch right there? I don’t love it.” He started directing the seamstresses who pulled out pins and did what Este commanded. “And Chelsea! Where’s Prince Charles’s outfit?”

Chelsea stopped sewing and swept up the cloth. She helped Charles climb into the royal mantle. The jacket was blue with golden threads stitched over it. Pressed white tunic and pants added to the wedding outfit and you could almost picture a crown on Prince Charles’ head, shining brightly. Chelsea clipped on a white and black cloak. He looked regal. Granted, he was a prince. He was always regal.

“You look good,” you commented. 

“As do you,” Charles wasn’t looking at the gown; he was looking at you.

You broke eye contact and asked Este, “is there anything else we can do for you?”

“No, this all looks beautiful!” Este said. “Let’s get you two undressed so we can make the final adjustments.”

You agreed, saying, “I may have to visit here more often. I adore these dresses you have,” you referenced other gowns that lined the walls. “And I would like to alter some of my existing outfits. Maybe get rid of some of the sleeves and layers?”

“Anytime, Princess! We would love to have you down here!” Este clapped excitedly. “Welcome to the Enza family!”

You took a deep breath. The Enza family. You needed to buy the Foundling Villa, and soon.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group B Round 1: #B2 vs #B7

#B2: High school performers

The Kouka High School trains talents for its Revue, where young women play all the roles in the theatrical musicals they have produced for over 100 years—the same as in Takarazuka.

For their hundredth anniversary, the school admitted colorful students. On one hand, aiming for male roles: the eccentric Sarasa Watanabe, incredibly tall and naïve, but fiercely determined to perform one day the role of her dreams: Lady Oscar in The Rose of Versailles!

On the other hand, in the female roles-wannabe: the ex-idol Ai Narata, a cold beauty running away from past traumas, who barely knows how to interact with others. The two of them become obviously roommates.

We follow their daily lives at this very demanding school, where jealousy, disillusion, and the harsh realities of show business put their mental fortitude to the test. Will Sarasa and Ai be able to rise to the top and stand on the silver bridge?

#B7: Kid epicly procrastinates during class

All Rumi Yokoi wants to do is focus during school, but she is constantly distracted by Toshinari Seki, her neighboring classmate. Paying attention during class is the least of Seki's worries, as he obsesses over intricate setups created using an assortment of items, from an elaborate domino course on his desk to a treacherous war played out with shogi pieces.

Titles, propagandas, trailers, and poll under the cut!

#B2: Kageki Shoujo!!

Propaganda:

If theatre setting/schools is your thing, you’re probably going to love this series! We follow our protagonists and their schoolmates following their dreams to become actresses for the prestigious Kouka Revue. Not an easy road as they will have to face and overcome many challenges, the hardest ones coming from themselves. Indeed, the story is not afraid to address sensitive topics and their resulting traumas (see TW list) always rightfully handed. These episodes may be a bit hard to see if you’re sensitive to these topics, but the show never leaves you in discomfort: everything is properly addressed, and characters are cared for realistically.

The characters are all very well-written, portraying individuals with way more depth than they may appear at first glance. We follow their growth—or its start—during the series. Sarasa is a walking sunbeam, and her blooming friendship with the withdrawn Ai is a delight to watch. We learn to know—and love—all their classmates as well, as episodes switch focus to one or the other.

The OST is really good, with a catchy opening, and no less than five different versions of the ending song, a fabulous duet voiced by the cast! The animation features really pretty art with iconic details like the stars in Sarasa’s eyes. The series is a homage to Takarazuka and scatter references to famous real-life Revues and older famous shôujo manga series like “Versailles no Bara” or “Glass no Kamen”. Actually, it feels like a modernized version of their essence: roses, sparkles, spotlight, drama, all while staying safe!

This anime is like candy for eyes and soul, and I really hope we'll get a season 2 to explore the girls' voices further!

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse, Pedophilia, Self-Harm

Nothing is too graphical nor explicit, just the right amount to let the unsettling situations be clear enough to watchers, and they’re always addressed correctly.

Child abuse/ Pedophilia: episode 3 (+4), about Ai’s traumas

Self-harm: episode 5 focuses on a girl with an eating disorder, forcing herself to vomit (not sure if that really counts as TW?)

#B7: Tonari no Seki-kun: The Master of Killing Time

Propaganda:

Seki-kun is the sort of anime that stays underrated because it seems overly simple, but it really shines in its simplicity. The episodes are short tales of Seki’s epic procrastination and they’re absurdly amusing. Both the opening and ending are super funny and really well-thought-out.

It’s the anime equivalent of a hard candy. You can have an episode at the end of the day or between tasks, and it entertains you well without asking for much.

Trigger Warnings: None

If you’re reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

[brandnewhuman]

SLASHERS TAKING

CARE OF

A CHILD!READER

(PART TWO)

☆STARRING☆

!!Jesse cromeans - Thomas Hewitt!!

CONTENT:

Tw: canon violence, mentions of child neglect and/or abuse (not from the slashers), murder, blood, mention of scars, mentions of child loss. Peepaw myers is here so yeah, careful with that too

A/N: @bubbaswife and @visi-0ns asked for another slashy daddies taking care of a child!reader. Honestly i love doing this so much :') the stabby men deserve a nice happy family. Well maybe not but still, they're nice with kids cause I said so. I think I hurt my own feelings with this one :'). As always, this is strictly platonic. The relationship between reader and slasher is strictly of father/kid relationship. Do not interact with me if you're a pedophile or you want underage reader having mature relationships with the slashers. That being said ^^ enjoy it

JESSE CROMEANS:

We're all going to cry together with the one alright? NO ONE OF YOU IS GOING TO GET MERCY FROM ME WITH JESSE BEING A DAD

we all know what happen to Jesse's wife and baby so obviously the whole family subject with Jesse is still a sensitive topic 

I think that Jesse is shown to be so worried about his job not because he doesn't care about his wife and kid but because it's the only thing he has left 

His face, his family, the victim that had caused so much trouble to him and now losing the only thing that's left for him to do? Yeah no. 

Listen here, I love to give unnecessary background to characters that I love and my headcanon for everything that Jesse does is basically growing up in the most atrocious conditions. Without enough money or resources to actually have a healthy lifestyle and be safe. He has seen and lived so many bad things that in the end he chose to do whatever he could to not live again like that. 

AND YES I SAY IT'S LIKE THAT BECAUSE I'M PROJECTING ONTO HIM MY TRAUMAS. I WANT TO RELATE TO HIM AND HE DOESN'T REALLY HAS A BACKSTORY SO IF I SAY IT IS LIKE THAT THEN IT IS >:( 

I always thought that Jesse was super excited to have a baby and to start a family. When that face thing happen he was crushed by the thought of his kid having to see him like that or that his wife would've never want him again

And then it was kinda hard to explain how could he possibly have got injured so bad

So, now he is fully back as chromeskull right? And with nothing to lose anymore he's more of a menace than he was before 

One of his new "piggies'' happens to be your mother. I'm sorry, it sucks but it is what it is 

He has followed her for weeks, studying every aspect of her life to learn more about her and how to get the most out of this kill 

But only one thing has escaped his observant eye 

That thing being the fact that she's a mom. 

He knows that she lives in one of the worst neighbourhoods of town, that she has little to no money and that's why she has to work almost all day, that her house looks like a mess. 

He hasn't noticed you living with her cause there was almost nothing that could've been a clue that a child lived there. 

I'm sorry if your mom is nice I just like to put unnecessary angst and drama ç_ç my mom is nice too I swear 

Anyhow, your mom is known for being really bad at her job as a mom. Not her fault, she did try but between the financial problems and her temper getting short after hours of working shitty jobs for nothing. 

When Jesse broke up in your house he went straight to your mom's room with the idea of kidnapping her in the same way he did with Princess since it would be easier. 

Your mom however did not go down without a fight and before getting knocked out she managed to take Jesse's mask and scratch him in the face.

Knowing he had time he just went to the bathroom to clean the wound 

That's when you saw him. You woke up to go to the bathroom just to find a tall baldy man standing there 

He looked at you and froze as if he was terrified. How could he not have noticed this before?

His racing thoughts stopped for a second as he took in your appearance 

You're obviously at least 6-7 years old but you looked too small to be considered healthy. It was clear you were not getting enough sleep, your clothes looked really old and too big for you even tho they were clean. 

It didn't take much for Jesse to connect the dots and realise you were the woman's child. 

"Are you one of mommy's friends??" You were not even scared of him and his face. You even offer your avengers band aids for the scratch on his face. 

He nodded at your offer without thinking about it and crouched in front of you to let you put the band aids on his face. 

He couldn't explain why he allowed you to do all of this but he just couldn't say no. He told himself it was just to keep you from getting him in trouble by screaming ecc but the reality was far from that

He couldn't find it in himself to hurt you or be mean when it was clear you already had too much going on

If it was the Jesse before the face incident ecc he would have not hesitated this much 

After all the things he has went through, seeing you and how you were growing up were making a number in his merciless resolution 

The reminder of his past life plus the fresh wound of having lost his future child is not letting him think straight 

You were obviously used to having strangers around if you were this comfortable in talking to a unknown man in your bathroom at 2am

When you finished decorating his face with all your silly band aids he just holded your tiny hand between his thumb, index and middle finger to shake it slightly as if he was saying thank you. 

The smile you gave him was this close 🤏🏻 to kill him

He spent the next hour listening to everything you were telling him, keeping you company while you went to grab some water. 

Jesse has lived his entire life acting upon his most disturbing urges and intrusive thoughts, he wasn't new to having the impulse to do something but nothing compared to the need of taking you away from that house. 

He just couldn't leave you there, he knew it was his grieving mind talking but he just couldn't 

Maybe this was actually meant to be. Him having finally the opportunity to make up for what he has caused to his kid 

Okay I have to make Jesse a little bit unhinged here but bear with me

He kills your mom (obv), makes sure you end up in a foster home so he can adopt you without any problems. The excuse he gives you is that he was you mom's best friend and he promised her he would take care of you if something happened 

The first thing he's going to do for you is getting you checked by a doctor to know what he has to do to get you back to a healthy form 

He obviously knows you're going to be a little bit reserved and close at first but he doesn't mind, he'll wait for you to come around forever if it's necessary 

You admittedly felt so happy that he decided to take care of you and bring you home with him. You knew that he was nice since the night you first met him. All the others friends of your mom were always so rude and mean with you, but Jesse was like so kind 

He has taken some free time from work to look after you. 

My man here is having the time of his life with all this parenthood things 

Being as disgustingly rich as he is, Jesse makes sure you have everything and anything you may need or want

In fact as the first bonding experience he had with you he took you to chose things for your new room

He assured you that money was not a problem and you could pick anything you want. 

It was so cute cause everytime you wanted to see something from unclose but was too high for you to reach he would lift you up. He always asked you first to make sure you weren't uncomfortable 

After three times you both decided to just keep you on his shoulders for the rest of the day

He obviously took you to have a well deserved after shopping ice-cream 

He's always so careful and gentle with you. He always tries to be thoughtful about your needs and boundaries and even if he's dying to give you all the fatherly affection and attention he wants he never tries to overstep your limits or to force you into receiving or giving affection you don't really feel

He has made his mission tho to have all the father/child experiences like teaching you how to go on a bike, taking you to school ecc

He eventually has to go back to work but he always makes sure to talk or video call with you every day if he's away from home. And it's never like those awkward calls where you don't know what to tell him and your father doesn't really care nono

MY BABY IS SO INVESTED IN EVERYTHING YOU TELL HIM AND IT'S ALWAYS SO READY FOR THE SCHOOL DRAMA YOU MIGHT HAVE THAT DAY. HE ALWAYS MAKES PLANS TOO ABOUT WHAT YOU BOTH SHOULD DO ONCE HE'S HOME

when he doesn't have to travel far from home, he works from home so he can spend time with you

If he sees you defend him and squaring up with anyone who calls him ugly it will make him cry 

You always worry about him spending too much time alone tho, so you have being trying to play the matchmaker talking to your favourite teacher about how cool and handsome your dad is 

Truth be told Jesse doesn't really care about having a partner right now, he just needs you. Having his wonderful kid healthy and happy around is enough for Mr baldy man here

Now if you excuse me, I'll go cry about this now. 

THOMAS HEWITT:

Surprisingly enough Thomas and his family are not responsible for your parents death. 

Hoyt found you covered in blood, alone and on the brink of having a heatstroke. 

Your family was killed by a bunch of pieces of shit who wanted to steal a car. 

Unfortunately they killed your parents for nothing cause they ended up meeting their fate as dinner for the Hewitt family

You have been walking for days, you manage to survive because your mom told you to hide somewhere. 

Now you're all alone and if it wasn't for hoyt stopping next to you you'll probably have died from dehydration and exhaustion 

Hoyt for once is useful, shocking right?

Anyway, when he was about to ask you why you were all alone ecc you straight up passed out in front of him

Hoyt couldn't leave you there, I mean he is a piece of shit but you were only a kid. Wouldn't be older than 5-6 

Everyone at home decided that you were going to stay and you wouldn't be killed. It didn't felt right to do that to such a young child

Mama mae took it upon herself to help you recover from all that heat ecc 

Since you needed to have always someone checking on you and luda at some point was too tired the task was given to Thomas

Most awkward man alive bro

But at the same time it was almost second nature for him to take care of someone even if he has never take care of a child 

Always made sure you were having enough water, changing the wet cloth on your forehead when it got too warm 

Once you get better and you tell everyone what has happen they all take the responsibility of raising you and protecting you

Now I know I KNOW…you want to see the juicy dad Thomas content 

Once you're feeling better (mostly because he has spent all the time watching over you with the excuse that if something happen since he's the youngest and strongest in the house he would be able to take care of it) he just well..he doesn't stay around you that much 

You're really small and you're so young he feels like he would end up hurting you

Thomas feels like his appearance ecc would be traumatising for someone so young (yeah I know, Thomas needs some love) 

What he doesn't know is that saw him lots of times when he was taking care of you. He thinks that because of the state in which you were you wouldn't remember much but you did

Plus, when you asked luda mae she told you the truth. 

Surprisingly everyone was really nice with you, even hoyt which says a lot

Luda adores you and she's starting to be almost like a grandma for you. 

You miss your family a lot and you're genuinely happy that mama mae and the others decided to keep you with them 

You have no other relatives and you would've been alone otherwise. 

At first you were kind of distant with them and you had a hard time with giving them your trust

They all were so patient and gentle with you. They never pushed you into doing anything and always asked what you wanted or needed 

Luda is probably the one you spend most time with cause she reminds you of your mom

When you told her she had to focus really hard to not cry in front of you. 

You asked lots of questions to luda mae about Thomas cause since you got better you haven't seen him once

She told you that he's just a little bit shy because it's hard for him to be around people

You, being the sweet little thing you are, made it your mission to befriend the gentle giant. 

You waited at night, when everyone went to sleep you went down to the kitchen hided hoping that eventually Thomas would go there for something 

The first few times you didn't have any luck but one day it finally worked

You this behemoth of a man walking in the kitchen, his face looked angry from sleepiness and since he thought no one was around he did had the mask 

You had never saw him without it obviously but you're first thought when seeing his bare fare was not of fear or disgust

Your 6 year old mind went to the conclusion that he was scare of you because you're someone new and maybe new people tended to be mean to him

And honestly the thought of him having to be alone cause everyone is rude to him made you even more resolute in your decisions of making friends. 

Truth be told you scared the shit out of him popping out of nowhere like this and he immediately tried to just walk away

"No wait!! I didn't want to scare you Mr Thomas!! I won't be mean with you I promise!!" You tugged on his huge hand at the best of your abilities to keep him from running way

Thomas just stopped dead in his tracks when he felt your little hands holding him back. He was in panic and honestly it was kinda funny to see someone so big be scared of a kid 

He thought that maybe you didn't see his face well enough and that was the only reason why you were not screaming. 

"I saw your face..it's not ugly at all!! I won't make fun of you I promise!" 

In the end he had to give in cause the need to not hurt your feelings was bigger than the need to hide away

He turned to face you and then kneeled in front of you so he could see you without breaking his neck to look down

You smiled and extended your hand towards him to introduce yourself and he hesitantly took it

You told him that you saw him taking care of you and that you were really thankful for that. 

Thomas had to admit you were the most kind and sweetest kid he has ever met 

Thankfully you catched up really quickly on the fact that he couldn't talk 

"That's okay!! Maybe you can write it down! Or draw it" 

He asked you why you were awake and you told him that besides wanting to meet him you couldn't sleep well. You kept having nightmares about your parents but you didn't want to bother hoyt or luda 

Thomas was absolutely heartbroken. He can't even imagine how hard it is to lose your family, he would be devastated if something happened to luda mae (and honestly just a little bit sad if anything happens to hoyt. Won't dwell too much on it tbh)

So he just sat with you on the couch and put on something on the TV for you to watch 

When he noticed you fell asleep he gently adjusted you so you were laying on the couch completely and went to look for a blanket to put on you. 

He stayed with you all night, making sure you didn't woke up again

From then you were practically attached to Thomas's hip. 

You always went looking for them, showing him things you have done with hoyt of luda, bringing him things to drink or eat as an excuse to talk with him

And honestly he didn't mind one bit. He liked when you told him your silly stories or when you gave him drawings which he kept and treasured as his most precious possession. 

He slowly started to be less and less awkward around you. 

He basically replaced luda in all those things such making you meals, keeping you clean and healthy or tending to any scratches or wounds you may get from playing outside. 

It started with things like playing old board games together, you waiting for him to eat lunch and talk about cool stuff you wanted to show him

It went to Thomas playing tag with you in the backyard, him getting you on his shoulders cause you liked when he did it, him letting you play with his hair and give him new hairstyles (which he sported proudly around the house) or simply having some iced tea sitting on the porch together. 

You knew Thomas worked a lot, on what you couldn't tell, but you noticed how tired he was always so those moments sitting on the porch, sitting on his lap and just dozing off together were your favourites 

Having you around has helped him a lot. He's used to taking care of everyone and he's certainly used to people abusing his kindness but you had that heartwarming child way of always worrying for him. You never took for granted anything he did and you always make sure do for him as much as he did for you in your little kid capabilities 

Every time there was a "guest" Thomas made you stay in your room. He told you that sometimes guests are not really nice so he didn't want anyone to hurt you

After guests were gone there always a few days where you were not allowed to go to the basement but you didn't mind too much 

One of the days where you were staying in your room because of the guests. You were working in a very special drawing cause luda told you that soon it would be Thomas birthday, when you heard someone screaming

You immediately went into a panic state and images of your parents death flashed in your mind so without thinking you run downstairs to were the screams were coming from 

I- I'm SORRY OKAY? I COULDN'T SAVE US FROM THE TRAUMA. YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT

The screams were coming from the basement and that scared you even more cause you thought Thomas was in danger 

When you went in and saw what was happening you couldn't even move. 

Thomas didn't noticed because he was too focused on keeping the victim down

"Thomas?..." when I tell you this man heart stopped and dropped five feet down below the fucking ground I'm not joking

He wanted to explain but he knew there was not a good enough explanation for all of this. 

You just made your way to the basement and went to your room where you stayed for a couple of days without talking to anyone. You didn't told them to not get it in or anything but you didn't reply to any of their questions 

Thomas was having the most horrible time of his life. The guilt was eating him alive and he couldn't even eat or sleep because how stressed he was

Eventually they decided to tell you as gently as possible what was going on. They knew that all of this would take a toll in your mind but they couldn't really do anything else.

Surprisingly, when you learned the true motive for all of this you were really accepting. Maybe it's because you were just a kid and you didn't really knew all the implications of this situation but for you, having to survive was more than enough to excuse all of this

It was so much that you in fact felt bad for treating them with silence, especially with Thomas. 

So, taking the excuse of giving him his birthday present you went to search for him in the basement now that it was all clean ecc

You tugged on the hem of his shirt to get his attention

He looked at you like he did the first time you saw him. You explained that now you knew everything and that you were sorry for being bad. 

"I know now…I know you're not bad" you gave him your drawing. It had the Hewitt house drawn on it, there was Thomas, monty, hoyt and luda. Everyone had on top their name

Uncle hoyt, grandma mae, uncle monty and then there was the "my new dad" title above Thomas. 

Congrats, now you made Tommy cry

He gave you the biggest bear hug ever and even force his vocals cords to mumble a low and raspy thank you

He never wanted to take the role of dad from your real father but he wasn't about to say no if you wanted him to be your dad

He did a pretty damn job too. After that he never left anything happen to you, he make sure you wouldn't have to be alone or scare ever again

His favourite moments were when you asked him to stay with you until you fell asleep. He would hold you in his arms and even if he always told himself he would just put you in bed and then head to his own room, he always ended up falling asleep holding you tight 

[reimagine7]

Adopted by whom?

Warnings: lighty mentions of physical abuse

This was my third camp, I was really excited. Even though I knew these womens for only a year, they became like family to me, a few of them were even closer, like Mal and Rose, probably because we are closer to age, so we have a lot of fun together. Tobin and Christen are like moms for me, since the first day of camp they took me under their wings and were super protective, they were worried about my school work and if I ate well or if I drank enough water, even after camp they kept talking and asking how I am, and I talk about them so much that my moms got jealous, and said they are my team moms.

I told this to Tobin and Christen, they laughed at it and began to call me their daughter, so I started to call them mom. They wanted to meet my parents but that didn’t happen yet. Why? Because I didn’t tell them that I am adopted, or that I have two mothers, let alone that one of them is none other than Shannon MacMillan. I know I should but it is a sensitive topic for me and I'm scared that they will treat me differently after they find out about it. That’s why I haven't told anyone on the team about it yet, but I'm thinking about doing so after this camp.

“Kid!! I miss you so much” Tobin ran towards me and gave me a big hug. “Mom, we talked yesterday.” “I know, but I can't hug you on facetime.” “Okay, I miss you too.” “I don’t get a hug?” Christen asked and opened her arms for me to hug her, so I did. “Mama I miss you too.” “Hi sweetie. Excited for camp? How is school?” “The same, boring but my grades are good. And I can't wait for everyone to get here.”

“Siisss!!!” Rose and Mal scream as soon as they spot me in the looby and come running. “Rose!! Mal!! How are you guys?”. We jumped on each other and ended up in the ground on a group hug. “Hey, you weren’t as excited when you saw us. I feel betrayed.” Tobin complained pouting while watching our interaction. “Kids get up before you hurt each other.” Christen separated us and pulled us up. “Sorry mom, but I love you too.” I said to Tobin who still had a pout on her face, so I went and hugged her again.

The rest of the team were finally arriving in the lobby of the hotel, we were talking when Jill spoke up and designated our roommates for this camp, and I was with Tobin. We went up and went to our room. We had lunch soon so we chilled and talked for a bit in our room, until it was time for lunch. So here we are, everyone eating and having fun talking about everything.

On the table was Sonnett, Rose, Linds, Sam, Mal and myself. Sonnett was telling everyone a funny story about her family.

“I’m serious, we were at this party and I kept annoying this girl, who was a douchebag. I forgot about it and started to dance and have some fun, but then suddenly a boy cornered my sister and I heard the girl saying she was the girl who annoyed her and he was about to push her when the parents stepped in. Long story, but in short my sister ended up two days grounded because of that.” “You never told them the truth?” I asked her. “A few years later. They grounded me as well, that was not fun.” “I wish I could have a twin sister, so we could switch places all the time.” Rose commented. “I wish I could have a sister.” Mal complained.

“At least you have your parents all to yourself. You are the favorite.” Sam complained only to be mocked by Linds “Someone is grumpy because it’s not the favorite child.” “And you are?” “Of course.” “Alright, this is not what your brother says.” Sonnett interfered with a smirk. “But I'm for sure not the favorite, my parents don’t hide it.” “Me neither, I’m sure they love me but I have my doubts about who their favorite is. It’s probably Wilma, I don’t blame them.” Everyone laughed at Rose's statement.

Until Mal asked me a question. “What about you Y/n? I’m sure you are your parents favorite.” “Yeah, I don't know. My brother is 10 so... pretty tough competition.” “Wait! You have a brother?” Sonnett asked incredulously. “Yeah.” “Why have we never heard about it? We actually never heard much about your family Y/n.” One of them asked me. Shit, why do I have to open my mouth. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I tried to avoid their eyes so they would know that I didn’t want to talk about it. But Sonnett didn't get it. “Why not? Your parents can’t be that bad?” “Sonnett!! Shut up. Y/n/n, that’s okay, if you don’t want to tell us you don’t have to.” Lindsey said, trying to make me look at them. “But you know that you can tell us everything right?”

I didn’t want to talk about it, and if I stayed one more minute here I would cry, so I decided to leave for my room. “Yeah… I...I think I’m going back to my room. Bye.” “Y/n. Wait! We are not talking about it again. Come back.” Rose tried to stop me, but I stood up so fast that I didn’t even register my surroundings. So as soon as I turned around, I bumped into Ashlyn and her juice spread all over my shirt. Fuck! Ash began to apologise, but now I could feel everyone's eyes on me and all I wanted was to get out of here. “Sorry Speedy, you turn so fast. I…” “That’s okay.” I interrupted her, got free of her hands and walked as fast as I could out of the dinner room.

No one's pov

Meanwhile at the youngies table.

“That was odd.” Sam broke the silence. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” “We know Sonnett. Should we follow her? Or talk to Tobin?” Lindsey asked, trying to comfort Sonnett who was blaming herself for her teammate's outburst.

“Too late for that. Tobin is already coming on her momma bear mode. I’m always scared when she is like this.” Mal spoke looking at Tobin with wide eyes.

“Girls, what happened to Y/n? Why did she get out?” The girls looked at each other until Rose decided to answer Tobin’s question. “We don’t know exactly. We were talking about our families and when we asked about hers she got weird and said she would go to her room.” Tobin sighed and nodded. “Thanks, I will go check on her.”

Tobin pov

I knocked on the door and opened it, when I entered the room I saw Y/n laying on the bed looking at the ceiling.

“Hey, kid. What’s going on?” “Not now Tobin, I just want to be alone for a minute. I’m fine.” “Yeah, you’re not.” Y/n shakes her head and asks. “And how do you know that?” “For starters, you get out of the dinner earlier than usual and without saying goodbye. Then you call me Tobin, you never do that only when you’re not okay.”

With that Y/n sighed and sat on the bed. “It’s just a hard topic for me.” “Your family?” I asked, trying to understand, she just nodded her head.

We stayed in bed for a minute. I waited to see if she was giving me anything else, but that didn’t happen. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But let's at least take this shirt off.”

I helped her get up to take the dirty shirt off, but then I looked at her back and saw some scars on it. I was about to take a better look but she quickly pulled back down, trying to hide it. But it was too late, I had already seen it.

“Y/n, what are those marks on your back?” “Are from soccer.” She told me, not looking at me. “I’m not buying it. Tell me the truth.” “It’s nothing Tobin. Give up on this.” “Nope. Right there, you call me Tobin again. Come on kid, you know I won’t give up so soon. So buy us some time and tell me what’s going on.” “It’s hard, Tobs.” “And I’m here by your side, you can tell me everything. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” “Everything is fine now, it’s already in the past. But I'm still learning to trust people, so I normally don’t talk about it with others. I want to, but when I do I cry and I don't want to cry in front of the team.” “Kid, we will never judge you for crying.” “I know but I never had this, not until three years ago. So it is hard to let people in.” “What do you mean? You wanna tell me about it? “

She hesitated for a minute but nodded. She was about to say something when my phone rang. I looked at it and turned off the call, it was Christen but I couldn’t talk right now.

“It’s okay if you need to go. I’ll be fine.” Y/n told me in a low voice. “I’m here for you kid, you can trust me, after all i’m your mom isn’t I?” “Yeah. You are. It’s not actually complicated. It’s just that, my dad abandoned my family when I was 7, a month later my mom found out she was pregnant. Things were already tough, but my mom did everything she could for us to be happy, but a year later she died in a car crash.”

Tears began to fall from her face, so I put my hand on her back trying to comfort her.

“I’m sorry for that Y/n/n. You don’t need to keep going if you don’t want to.” “I want to tell you everything.” After a minute she stopped sobbing and spoke again. “Well, after that my father didn’t want us so we ended up in foster care and that’s why I don’t like to talk about my family. Is not because I don't trust you, but is because for most part of my life I didn't quite have one. I have just a few memories from my biological mother and I had to take care of my little brother during seven years of my life. Is not simple to talk about it. I was abused from the age of 8 until I turned 14 years old. That's where my marks are from, they hit on me just because they wanted to.”

I hugged her, but didn’t say a thing, I knew that’s what she needed right now. After a few minutes I spoke up. “Kid, I had no idea that you passed through this all. But I want to tell you that this doesn't change our relationship, I still love you and will fight everyone who messes with you, and you know Christen will as well.” “Thank you Tobs.”

After a minute of silence, I decided to ask her what I was scared to ask. “This is still happening? I want to do something about it. I won’t let any of this happen to you again.” “No, three years ago me and my brother got adopted. I told you the truth when I told you that everything is good now. They are amazing and are helping me to get better.” “That’s good. That’s why we never meet them? You didn’t want us to know your story?” “Yeah, that’s one of the reasons.” “One?” “Yeah, well the other one you will understand when you see my moms.” “Your moms?” I asked, still not sure I had heard it right. “Yeah, I got adopted by two moms.” “Oh, Megan will love this.” “I know.” “You want to come back for lunch or do you want to stay here?” “Stay here. Can we just watch a movie?” “Fine, but I choose.”

I jumped on top of her and got the remote so I could choose the movie. “No way, we are on my bed, so I choose.” She got the remote from my hands. “No no, I'm your mother so I choose.” “There’s nothing to do with it. I won’t give it to you.” “Yes you are.”

With that I began to tickle her, trying to get the remote back. Then there was a knock on the door and it opened, but we were too occupied to see who it was. “Okay kids, let's stop the fight.” Oh, that’s Chris. “Tell that to Tobs, she is the one attacking me.” “I see.” Christen separated us. “How are my girls? I’ve been told that I should come here to check on you both, but by the look of things I guess that is all sorted out now.” I looked at Y/n and she had a smile on her face. “I think we are better now right?” “Yeah, much better. Thank you Tobs.” “Of course, I'll always be here for you.” She hugged me and I gave a kiss on her head.

“Oh, I feel left out now.” “Sorry Chris, but Tobs will tell you everything later. But I know I can count on you as well. I’m going to change my shirt now and wash my red face.”

Y/n stood up and left the remote on the bed. “Yes, I got the remote.” I could see Y/n shaking her head and then closing the bathroom door, Chris came to me, gave me a quick peck and asked me what happened.

Your pov

I went to the bathroom to change my shirt and clean myself, and I could hear Tobin telling Christen a little bit of what I told her. “‘What was that about?’ ‘The girls were talking about family stuff on the table and the topic is a little complicated for her. She lost her mom really young and lived in foster care most part of her life, and just recently got adopted. I tell you more later, don’t worry about it.’” I’m glad I finally got to share my story with someone else, and it is no surprise that the two of them were the first to know, I like them a lot.

While I was in the bathroom my phone started to ring.

“Kid, your phone is ringing and is your mom. She wants to facetime.” Tobin yelled from the bed. “Which one?” I yelled back. “Humm… mom Mac?!” Oh, maybe that is a great time to introduce them.

“Could you answer for me? I’m almost finishing.” “Me?” “Yeah, you didn’t want to meet her? That’s the time. She wants to talk to you both as well.” There was a silence in the room, until Chris spoke. “I don’t think that is a good idea.” “You’ll like to talk with her. Don’t you trust me?” “Fine.” Tobin answered me and accepted the call, ready to talk to my mom.

“Hi hon… Oh, hi Tobin!” I could hear my mom speaking. I was already changed, but I wanted to see their reactions while meeting my mom. “Hi… wait your Shannon MacMillan.” Toby speaks and stays with an open mouth. “Yes, and I was told that you are my daughter’s roommate. Oh, hi Christen I didn't see you before. How are you doing?” “Your daughter?” Now was Christen's time to stay in shock. “Yeah Y/n. Is she alright?” “Yeah, but… what?” Tobin was speechless, so I decided to intervene.

“Oh hi mom, sorry I was in the bathroom.” “Hi honey and taking by Tobin and Christen's faces I believe you hadn’t told them about me, am I right?” “Maybe? I actually didn’t tell anyone on the team, I dodged their questions about my family. You know how I am, I wanted them to get to know me first.” “I know.” “But I had told Tobin almost everything, I just kept your name out of it. She saw my scars and made me explain it.” I lightly elbowed Tobin, trying to take her off her transe. “Made you?” I think it worked. “Y/n!!”

“I’m kidding, kind of. She just got overprotective and wanted to punch the person who made me those, so I had to explain the story to her.” “Yeah, I was right she is definitely your team mom. And don’t worry Tobin, they are already taken care of.” Tobin laughed and poked me in my sides “I told you, now even your mom agrees with me. But I gotta say this is kind of crazy.” “Whatever, that doesn't mean you can choose the movie.” “Movie?” Mom asked, not quite understanding what we were talking about. So Chris came to the rescue. “When I got here they were in a tickle fight, because Tobin wanted to choose the Netflix movie and Y/n had the remote.” I completed it. “Christen saves me, but then Tobin got the remote, so it looks like we will be seeing her movie.”

“Seems like you’re having fun. I just called to tell you that the thing you buy on the internet has arrived, I hid it in the garage. I'm sure your mama won’t find it there.” Great, my mama birthday present has arrived. “Cool, and is everything ok?” “Yes, as we expected. We’ll call you later to talk more, I just took that I was alone now so I could warn you.” “Thanks mom.” “Bye honey. Bye Tobin and Christen.” “Bye Shannon.” They say in unison.

So I turned off the call and looked at them, they had a surprised look on their face so I got ready for the questions. Mainly the questions were about why I didn't tell them or the team about it, how I ended up with them and I had to explain my whole story again for Christen. In the end, it was already time for team meeting and we were getting ready to go.

As we waited for the elevator, I remembered to ask them something. “Guys, please don’t tell the team nothing about it.” “Why not? Speedy, I already told you that they won’t treat you any different.” Tobin scolded me. “I just... I will tell them when I feel comfortable, but for now just keep this secret for me. Please mom!!” “You can’t pull the mom card like this.” “Why not? You told yourself that you’re my team mom.” Tobin kept staring at me until she gave up. “Fine. But I think you should at least tell them about your mom, because if they find out about it from another person they're gonna be mad.” Christen punches Tobin in the arm. “Tobin! They are not gonna be mad at you Y/n. Just at the moment, and then they will just fill you with questions. But the last part is going to happen either way.” “Oh, so different from what I said.” Tobin said with sarcasm, but Christen sent her a killer look. “Sorry! But if by any chance, someone annoys you because of who your mother is, tell me and I will kick their ass.” Tobin told me with a serious look.

“You mean if they mocked me because Tobin Heath is my mom?” I tried to contain my laugh. “Oh, shut up!!” She got my head and began to rub it. “Mom stop!!” “Kids stop with it. Let’s go or we are gonna be late.”

With that we entered the elevator and I could see that Chris had a worried face on. My story must have affected her, she has a sad expression, so I decided to lighten her mood a little bit. “Oh Christen, you don’t need to be mad. You and mom are a couple, so that means you are my mom as well.” I hugged her and she kissed my head. She tightened the hug, and I knew some tears were rolling down her face. “Thank you Y/n, you for sure can come for me anytime you need. I’ll always be here for you.” “I know. You’re the mom I listen to but also the mom who grounds me, and Tobin is the mom who takes me out of the ground, and also the one who tries to cover my mess.” Christen rolled her eyes, understanding what I was trying to do. She cleaned the tears that had fallen out and shook her head, but now with a smile on her face. Tobin on the other hand protested. “I would never do that Christen!” “Why can't I believe that?”

With that the elevator door opened and Christen got out first, then Tobin raised her hand for me to hit it. I love these two. We got to team meeting and discussed our training sessions, how our week is going to be and other things. The meeting took about an hour. After it, the whole team went to dinner, me and Tobin were talking about the conversation we had early about my past soccer teams and how my mom is a crazy fan, so we got our food and sat at some table don’t even looking to see who was on the other ones. But as we were talking Christen, Megan, Ash, Julie, Ali, Alyssa and Carli sat at our table as well.

“I’m telling you Tobs, once she got so mad about a bad call that she almost got inside the field to yell at the referee, luckily my 9 years old brother stopped her.” Tobin was laughing her ass out. “I would die to see that.” “Who did that?” Megan asked, breaking the bubble we were on. I then noticed everyone else that was on the table with us.

“What?” I asked, not quite sure what she was talking about. “Who almost got in the field?” “My mom.” “Oh…” “She seems cool.” Ash responded. “She is, when she is not mad. Despite that, she is awesome, my family is really supportive.” “Your brother plays soccer as well?” Alis asked. “No, he hates sports. But he loves to cheer for me, so he goes for all the games he can.” “Oh, this is so cute, I would love to meet him.” JJ awed with my answer. “He for sure will love to go to the mall with you and Chris, I can guarantee that he would be a better company then Tobs.” “Hey kid! You are just as bad as I am.” Tobin protested. “Ok you're right. But I’m telling the truth, he and my mom go on walks for hours.” “I’m certainly taking him out when we meet him.” Chris gave me a wink, letting me know that this was for sure happening some time soon.

“And who encouraged you to play soccer? Your mom or your dad?” Alyssa asked, wanting to know more about my family. I took a big breath and answered her. “Oh, it’s a little more complicated than that. But I can for sure tell you that it was not my father.” “Why is that? He doesn't like sports?”

I take a look at Tobin and Christen and them both nod their heads encouraging me to tell them. “No, it’s because… I don't have a father, at least not one that I care about.” “Sorry I didn’t want to put you through that.” Alyssa told me with a worried expression. “That’s fine, I'm ok with that now.” “So is it just you, your brother and your mom?” Ali asked. “Well, my moms.” “Excuse me?” Megan almost spilled all the water she was drinking with the new information. “My moms. Me, my brother and my two moms.” “Oh, that is awesome. I already liked you before, now I like you even more.” Megan cheered and high five me. “Because of my parents?” “Yeah, you were already cool, now that I know that you for sure support my community you got points with me. Tell me about them!” “They are awesome, I've only been with them for three years, but they changed my life when they adopted me.” Ops! Shouldn’t have said the last part. “Wait, you are adopted?” Ali asked. “Yep.”

“Who is adopted?” Emily asked while getting close to the table. “Y/n” Alyssa answered. “What? You never told us.” Mal and the other youngies were all surrounding us now. “That’s why you run away during lunch?” I looked around and by now the whole team was at the table listening to the conversation.

“So about that…” I look at Tobin and send her a ‘help me’ look, she quickly understands me and steps up. “Guys, less questions okay? If she hasn't told us about it yet it’s because she is not comfortable with it, so let’s give her time.”

Everyone nodded, but Megan was still interested in my family. “Fine, but I want to know more about your moms okay?” “That I can do, but I think you already know at least one of them.”

I took my phone and showed her a picture of my family. Her mouth drops and she passes the phone for Ash, who passes to Ali, who passes to Carli, who finally says something.

“Wait a minute, your mom is Shannon MacMillan?” “Yeah.”

Everybody's jaw drops, except for Christen and Tobin because they already knew, and the questions started again. I finally told them my story and Tobin was right, they were really supportive and of course asked a lot of questions, but I'm fine with it. They are my family now.

[shiro-hatzuki]

I loved reading your Es art analysis and wanted 2 ask what are your favorite milgram theories for each of the prisoners + es and jackalope! doesn't have to be like the ones you believe are the most likely to be canon or make the most sense but just ones you think are funny or interesting, I'd love to hear!

anon? you enabling me to scream about my opinions even more? /j

okay real talk, i can't say i have too many theories that are particular favorites of mine (tho i do have a few faves!) since i'm so indecisive and end up loving them all lol. i'll share some theories i've recently had on my mind, though!

theories below the cut! probably contains spoilers. also hyperlinks for days, and CW: several sensitive topics including prostitution, bullying, child abuse, and probably others that are standard fair for milgram will be mentioned.

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Haruka: killing my old self- wait a minute

this is the theory i came up with when i first was introduced to milgram. in this theory, haruka believes he was a "loved" child in his past and an "unloved" child in the present. he sees his past self as what he should ideally be, but through his unforgivable actions (hurting the girl, bashing the dog up with the rock, and possibly other actions we didn't see), he can no longer be a boy worthy of love nor happiness. he sees another child that is like his loved self or he sees his loved self in that child, and jealous (or a plethora of different emotions he may have), he kills that child. I hold this theory dear to me since it's my first one, but i quite like other haruka theories regarding the specifics of his motives as well as who the hell his victim is.

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Yuno: i don't get around that much

the theory goes that yuno is dating one older gentleman who has a lot of money (sugar daddy relationship), and the scenes we see are the 4 different times they met up that could have caused her pregnancy. as a side note, they probably met up more times than 4, but these are the times that she thinks might have caused it. due to the balloons in the giant balloon being different colors, though, i think it's more likely that she was an escort for 4 clients, but hey, it's possible.

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Fuuta: the gamer malewife of my dreams <3 /j

wow shiro, you have strangely specific dreams. anyways, this is a silly theory in which fuuta is actually surprisingly good at housework. fuuta has stated in his interro questions that his parents were divorce, and since he doesn't remember much about his mother, his parents probably separated early in his life. though i'm not sure if his dad was a working man or was struggling through some way or another, he probably had trouble taking care of the housework along while looking after his kids. that meant that the kids were either living in a messy house (not necessarily bad enough to warrant child protective services, just not spotless), or it was up to the kids to help with the chores. whatever happened, fuuta either prefers or is used to keeping everything clean, and from the shots we can see of what i assume is his current place of residence, he's been doing alright with keeping things relatively tidy (there are still some things here and there and his bed doesn't look made, but at least it's not like my room lol).

---------

Muu: the mv is in reverse order

i recently saw this theory after it was posted in the fancult server by a user that goes by pai, and i think it's super interesting! it goes that the murder of muu's victim and the ending scene actually happened before muu started to be bullied. victim girl was the subject of bullying, but then muu killed the girl. at first, her classmates feared muu, but eventually, they bullied her due to at least being suspected, if not know to be, the killer of victim girl. i'm not sure if i fully think this theory is probable, but i do find it interesting to think that the timeline we see is not reality.

---------

Shidou: "bad at my job" kirisaki

my half baked theory on shidou i posted a bit ago! according to the theory, shidou is a surgeon who does very vital operations that could save lives, but he's a really bad surgeon, so he can't save lives for shit. it's not that he didn't study and train properly, didn't take his job seriously, nor didn't care about his patients; he did all of those things! but for some reason, he keeps screwing up. the flower person at the end is actually a symbol of his dying career because he can't save people for shit, each flower being a patient he tried to save - thought he saved - building up to a mountain of failure. this theory is mostly a joke and an excuse to say "shidou sucks" a few times /lh. (i still love him, tho)

---------

Mahiru: the last supper

i think the theory that "mahiru's food we see in day 16 killed her lover" is really funny. okay, so it could be the yandere thing like in the psychogram (the song she covered) mv where it's intentionally killing him because "with your death, you can be bound to me forever" or whatever's going on there, but it's funnier to think that mahiru accidently put something her partner is deathly allergic to, she passed out, then woke up to find that her partner had died from her food. alternatively, her partner had choked on his food while mappi was passed out. oops.

---------

Kazui: faithful to the end

basically me going "haha noooo kazui don't cheat you're so sexy." the theory is that kazui didn't cheat on his wife with the woman at the bar. the woman was just a business partner, coworker, or even just a female friend. however, although there were no romantic feelings, it still stood in contrast with his relationship with his wife. he wasn't enjoying his wife's company anymore. he didn't love her anymore. he should have kept up the lie of being content with the partner he chose for his life, but he let the lie slip away. but both him and his partner were not as young as they used to be, and perhaps they had been married for long enough that the years they spent together amounting to nothing but a failed marriage gave a feeling of hopelessness, at least to them. thus, for better or worse (i think worse), they didn't divorce.

---------

Amane: childhood stardom

in the early days of amane's mv release, i saw a small theory going around that amane was literally a child star on a television show, and the entertainment industry was rough on her/possibly abusive towards her as well as other child talents (or at least the particular company she was contracted under). of course, nowadays you don't see this theory as much, and the religious themes that have been surrounding her since the beginning of the project have lead to the cult theory being more prevalent and the tv themes being taken less literally. i personally agree that the tv themes are much less literal when i interpret amane and don't believe that amane was a child talent for tv, but i still think about this theory with fondness.

---------

Mikoto: running from my dark days

the theory goes that mikoto was once part of a gang when he was younger. probably not yakuza, but a rag-tag street gang or even biker gang. he went to school and joined the workforce to get away from his past, but he couldn't break away from the gang so easily. the dude we see crawling away from him at the train platform looks a bit like what your average gang member might look like, and the imagery of bikes and bikers, knives, bats, and probably other street thug imagery are all over mikoto's tarot cards. i think this theory is neat, and i never would have thought of it on my own.

---------

Kotoko: i have what you want to know

the theory is that kotoko needs to work a few odd jobs to get by, one of them being an info broker. this mainly comes from the back-alley deal scene where she is exchanging slips of paper with another person. information is one of the currencies she works in when on the streets, thus why she seems so keen on gathering information. it also helps her own goals when she exchanges information with others, such as tracking down the people she's beating up (and potentially beating to death hi dude that kotoko probably killed). admittedly, my love for this theory might just come from my inexplicable bias towards info broker/informant characters. yeah, very specific, i know.

---------

Es: child of the prison

for this theory, es was raised in the milgram prison. this theory comes from the eleventh door being very old (assuming it was once es's cell) as well as the impression i got from things like undercover, which is that the clues to es's past are hidden within the prison, not just their forgotten memories. furthermore, if they were raised to be a prison guard, then that could explain why they accepted and fell into the role so easily. the details are still dodgy for me, though. were they born in the prison? or were they a young child that was brought to the prison and raised there? of course, it could just be that es wasn't raised in the prison at all, too. i'm hoping that the light novel could shed some light on the nature of wardens becoming wardens if not show es themself.

---------

Jackalope: literally just a rabbit

so we know that es is basically the only one that can hear jackalope, but after seeing various things in the milgram ip with the prisoners just considering jack to be a bunny and even treating him like a normal bunny, i wondered if he literally looked like a normal bunny. shidou's drawing of jack made this theory much less likely, though, since he drew jack with horns. idk if the prisoners assume the horns are attached to his head or not, but at the very least, the horns are on him. still, this theory was really funny while it lasted because es would've been like "he doesn't like it when you call him a rabbit. i guess he's not quite a rabbit since he's a mythical creature with horns." and the prisoners would've been like "horns??? you tripping, warden?????"

---------------

and those are some of the theories i've had on my mind for every character! the theories that are mostly not bsed from my own head are muu's, mahiru's, amane's, and mikoto's, though i currently can't find links to more in depth explanations of these theories (if i find them again, i'll hyperlink those too)(also this is not to say the other theories weren't thought of by other people. it's just that i thought of those mostly independently aside from some back and forth with a friend for one or two of them, and if they match someone else's theory, it's by coincidence. or blame that friend /j).

thank you for this ask, anon! it was fun doing a quick run through of all of these.

[ofcowardiceandkings]

I think you mentioned listening to podcasts? Do you have any favorites to reccommend? I've run out of content :(

that i do !

im not entirely sure what kind of podcast you'd be interested in but i'll throw out a few of the goodies in my huge library of stuff , i'll miss out a few of the HUGE podcasts that have been all over tumblr though

a LOT of it is true crime or human interest stuff , or history because im nerd ,, and a few of these dont have nearly enough attention so [shrug] i'll try to keep this short i guess lol this isnt EVERYTHING ive got in my library or listened series' by any measure

i AM gonna pop a shout to both Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff You Should Know from iHeartRadio because their HUGE archives have kept me from losing my mind many times over , and they cover a wide range of both important and wacky topics

BomBARDed (ongoing) this is the only fiction podcast i have happening right now really but its DAMN GOOD ONE .... it's an actual-play D&D 5E podcast in the DMs own musically-inspired world, focussed on a group of multiclass bards going to music school !! and all players (+DM) are members of the Texas band Lindby !! and they actually use and play music in the show with one original song an episode !! Kyle's worldbuilding and storycraft are truly incredible, and (Nick) Goodrich, (also Nick) Spurrier, and Ali's characters are in depth and interesting as well as an absolute powerhouse :') i actually made a piece for its first fanzine, Bardic Dreaming, which published earlier this year and is free to view now, all the players and the community are super wholesome its just very good overall 💙

History & Humans;

Fall of Civilisations (ongoing) legit one of my favourite podcast finds, im so glad my youtube autoplayed one of these ... it took me like 2 hours to realise it was 1) not the same as what was playing before and 2) had been on for 2 hours and wasnt near finished lmao. anyway, this is a series by historical fiction writer Paul Cooper, and is honest to all thats good one of the best documentary series ive encountered in years - and ive consumed a LOT of documentaries. it covered the downfall of various civilisations through history, and the episodes run from an hour to FOUR hours depending on the topic. its so chill to listen to and just get done, but over the pandemic all of the episodes have been given full movie-quality video versions too on youtube if youre more of a visual person.

Casting Lots: A Survival Cannibalism Podcast (on series break) yeah that says that lol ... its a SUPER niche topic but its very interesting and treated very well despite being kind of comical at times, the hosts are just naturally funny lol ... it delves around from the history of cannibalism in whole regions to specific incidents as recently as the 1970s, and of course the first episode is about the Donner Party, and it covers things ive never heard of despite being kind of important ?? anyway Alix and Carmella are good eggs

Sawbones (ongoing) i probably dont need to mention much here other than say that Justin and Sydnee saved me from being SO BORED sooo often, the history of medicine is wacky as hell and its what most of my history GCSE was on so [shrugs]

Cautionary Tales (on series break) this was a wild-card find lol ... it's by Tim Harford "the undercover economist" who writes for the Financial Times, and its topics kind of weave modern topics and science with how to learn from historical errors ... its a bit weird but well worth a go, also each series has a few celebrity guest voice actors which is pretty awesome

Ephemeral (ongoing) this is a very strange but thought provoking series about sounds and other things just barely saved. topics include the last castrato, the hello girls, hand-stamped records, the spread of kīkā kila music, and acoustic fossils of wild places.

Neat! The Boozecast (ongoing) history and bartending whats not to like lol ... hosted by Teylor Smirl and now their dad Tommy, they're just digging around in how important booze is to human culture

True Crime (white collar and weirdness);

Swindled (ongoing) this is an amazing show full stop. A Concerned Citizen details some of the most impactful and unruly things to happen in white collar and corporate crime. very factually accurate but given the sheer bullshit of the topics the deadpan snarking is [chefs kiss] absolutely warranted ..

American Scandal (on series break) this one is a series within a series type, and spends a few episodes at a time poking holes in some of America's biggest scandals, from a dramatised but fact-based point of view. such as what the hell was going on with Enron, how big tobacco was forced to own up to covering its own ass, how Iran-Contra happened, etc. it also now has a sister show called British Scandal, which does the same thing for British cases but with a slightly different format.

Missing in Alaska (finished) this was a fascinating series, a deep dive into what happened to two US government officials who disappeared on a small chartered flight in Alaska in 1972. it goes some really strange places, but it actually turned up a lot of previously unknown information through the audience. John Walczak's new series in a new feed is Missing on 9/11 which looks into what happened to Dr Sneha Philip.

Pretend (ongoing) Host Javier Leiva holds interviews with anyone living a lie, or who have been touched by them. con artists, snake oil salesmen, former cult members, catfishing victims, anyone and everyone.

Power: The Maxwells (finished) hosted by journalist Tara Palmeri, the story of media tycoon Robert Maxwell from nothing to empire to mysterious death and the scandals uncovered after he was gone.

Lets Talk About Sects (ongoing) Sarah Steele covering cults from around the world, in particular those in Australia - where she is from. She often has former members on the show to share their stories, and share knowledge of how they left. each story has the relevant content warnings at the start of each episode.

Brainwashed (finished) investigation of the CIA's covert mind control experiments, centred on the experiments performed at a hospital in Montreal, and its cultural impact.

Dr Death (2 series finished) two series investigating huge cases of fraud and medical malpractice, and how they were brought to a stop. series 1 covers Dr Duntsch and his horribly butchered neurosurgery, series 2 covers Dr Fata and his fraudulent cancer clinic

The Immaculate Deception (finished) untangling the weird and disturbing fertility fraud of Dr Jan Karbaat, who fathered children himself through his fertility clinic, and the impact of his deception. later episodes also touch on other similar cases.

True Crime (Violent/General);

The Casual Criminalist (ongoing) Simon Whistler of-the-many-youtube-channels cold reads a script about the case of the day, with some of his daft commentary thrown in.

Southern Fried True Crime (ongoing) Crimes from the American South hosted by Erica Kelley, she puts all the facts out there but refreshingly for true crime she doesnt hesitate to tell you if she thinks someone is human garbage lol

They Walk Among Us (ongoing) probably one of the most popular UK crime podcasts, very measured and well put together, not weird or annoying about it either.

All Crime No Cattle (ongoing, feed slowed down for now) specifically about crimes from Texas, hosted by Erin and Shay, they're very sensitive hosts and a lot of the cases they cover shed light on why the Texas criminal system is how it is or show an impact at a national level

Canadian True Crime (ongoing) Canadian crime from an Aussie who's lived there for a decade, Kristi is again a sensitive and measured host covering some important topics

True Crime (Violent/Deep Dive);

Hitman (finished) journalist Jasmyn Morris digs around in the sticky tangle around a book published by fringe publisher Paladin Press, and its apparent use as a blueprint in the killing of a mother, her friend and her 8 year old boy for financial gain.

Camp Hell: Anneewakee (ongoing) this series is exploring how a wilderness camp "correctional facility" was endorsed by the Georgia care and juvenile reform system, despite widespread abuses and shady practices the whole time. warning for csa and child cruelty throughout.

True Crime Bullshit (on series break) this one is a huge huge rabbithole but a very interesting one where the host Josh Hallmark has spent years digging into the life and potential crimes of Israel Keyes. Keyes is often mentioned as a serial killer with no pattern, but in picking it apart thats not quite true, and has sparked some re-evaluations of missing persons cases and stumbling upon information the FBI has redacted organically. there's also a series in the middle looking into the crimes of Kelly Cochran

Forgotten: Women of Juárez (finished) this series looks into the huge numbers of missing women of Ciudad Juárez, the strange circumstances surrounding them, and the potential cover-ups and corruptions on both sides of the border, trying to give a voice to all of the forgotten women and girls and their families without answers. the series itself is finished, but a spanish language edition is being released every week now.

aaaaaand i'll call it there before i list everything lol, i hope you find something to plug your boredom hole with !!

[morizoras-cave]

The Story Of Many (Request)

Chris Evans x younger sister!reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Request Description: reader is Chris Evans younger sister/co-star and she is staring in a role that is very emotionally draining (like Tom Holland in Cherry or Zendaya in Euphoria) and the role gets to much for her mental health and Chris comforts/reassures her

Warnings: child abuse (in reader’s role), depression, anxiety, pills

(A/N): some of you guys started sending requests and im super duper excited!! hahaha,, i just realized that some of your actually read my shitty authors notes oh shit

It was rare that you and your family could all be there for dinner, and it was always rather enjoyable. Your sisters of course had their own lives, and things to take care of. Chris and Scott, your older brothers, always had busy schedules, requiring them to be far from home. Now you had joined that circus, as you had also turned to acting.

Naturally, being the youngest in the Evans family, you’d gotten a lot of attention. Although, you felt like you had gained popularity on your own, and you were proud of your accomplishments. 

Lately, you’d been filming a movie surrounding the topic of child abuse. You played one of the teens that were being abused, and there were some pretty heavy scenes in it. It was meant to showcase the toll it takes on a kid. And it had certainly taken a toll on you. 

Being a very method actor, it was hard for you sometimes to get out of that headspace. The mind of a tortured child, someone who no one loved, and someone who lashed out at others because they had nothing else. 

You’d secretly started taking some antidepressants, just for the time being. You just couldn’t bear going home from set and crying yourself to sleep, or numbly watching television until 3 AM. But you didn’t want to let your family worry. It would all stop when you were done with the move anyway.

“Y/n?” Chris’ voice snapped you out of your thoughts. He was looking at you with those protecting blue eyes, worried as always. Your other siblings and parents were still talking, completely unaware of the bubble of seriousness that had entrapped you and Chris. “You okay?”

You nodded simply, picking up your fork to grab some of your untouched food. Chris didn’t seem convinced. 

“You’re just not very talkative lately..” he mumbled, piercing his own food. “How’s the role? What are you working on?” 

“Uh, it’s a movie about child abuse. To shed more light on it. I play one of the kids,” you saw flatly. You avoided diving into the more sensitive parts of your role, afraid that you might shatter in front of your brother. For once, you didn’t want to be the younger sister, you just wanted to be Y/n Evans. 

When you told him what it was about, something seemed to click with Chris. He had certainly experienced something along the same lines as you, and said with a small smile of understanding: “I get it. Those roles can really mess with your mood. Don’t let it affect you too much though.” 

That was all you and Chris said on the matter the rest of the dinner. You tried to enjoy it as much as you could. Everything just seemed so dull and gray. When dinner was over, you scurried to the bathroom. Soon everyone would leave and go to their respective homes. 

You looked in the mirror and something, the part of you that could’ve enjoyed dinner, just withered away. So many kids couldn’t enjoy a dinner with their families. So many kids had terrible parents, parents who despised them. Parents who did horrible things to them. You closed your eyes, leaning over the sink. As tears dribbled down the drain, you felt like nothing but an unloved child, broken and with a head in a storm. 

Shaking, you reached out your hand to grab your pills. They rattled in their plastic bottles. 

“Y/n?” it was his voice again. Chris. Panicking, you sniffled trying to compose yourself. You sniffled, knowing he could hear it from the other side of the door, let go of the pill bottle and wiped your tears. Looking in the mirror, you knew it was still painfully obvious, and the thought only made you want to cry more.

“Y/n,” he repeated, “Open the door.”

He had that voice, that serious one that he only used when those boys pranked you in fourth grade, or when you fell from a tree and hurt yourself in kindergarten. He wanted to protect you. 

Ashamed, you opened the door to the bathroom, and Chris wasted no time striding in. 

“Y/n..” he mumbled, embracing you in a hug and pressing your head into his chest. You gasped and cried again, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered.

There was nothing better than being hugged by your brother. His arms just blocked you off from all the harm in the world, all the hurt children, and the evil parents, and the pills. Your breathing calmed slowly.

You stood like that, so peacefully, until you felt him move his arms from you. You flinched at the sound of rattling pills. You pulled away, taking a step back. 

Chris looked hurt. Betrayed. He clenched the pill bottle in his hand, shaking his head, utterly speechless. 

“Y/n, you can’t not tell us about this. You- You.. Does mom and dad know?” He was outraged, eyes glistening. You shook your head in shame. His hand clenched the plastic container harder, knuckles whitening, before he threw it angrily.

The container hit the wall with a rattle, and then bounced back onto the floor, lying there alone on the reflective tiles. 

“It’s just this role. God, it’s been.. It’s been so tough on me. And this is the story of one family! But at the same time it’s the story of so many families. I just go there and act these things, and I feel like I’m rotting away, Chris. I don’t know what to do!” You yelled, lip quivering. Your knees buckled and you feel down on the tiles. Chris jumped to help you, but you scooted away, hugging your knees and hiding your head. You felt pathetic. 

You heard shuffling and then felt a hand on your knee. His thumb brushed over it gently and calmingly. 

“Look.. Roles can do that to you. I’ve never experienced it like this, but.. It just means that you’re a phenomenal actor, trust me. What’s not so phenomenal, is that you’re bringing these feelings with you home,” it was only in moments like these, where you could really appreciate Chris’ voice. He had a way of always sounding so calm, like he knew precisely that everything was how it was supposed to be. 

“Chris, I can’t.. I don’t know how to keep them away,” instinctively, at the sound of your vulnerable voice, Chris wrapped his arm around you again, pulling you into him. You sat on the bathroom floor together.  

“I think the best thing you can do, is talk to a therapist. They’ll be able to teach you how to put those things away better than anyone else. I promise you it’ll be worth it, N/n.” 

You nodded, agreeing with him. It was so crazy, you thought, how your problems seemed to melt away, when Chris got his hands on them. He rocked you back and forth, and for once, you were so content being his little sister, just because he would help you like this, just because he could. 

“Should I set that up for you?” 

“Yes, please.” 

“Okay, and I don’t want to hear no nonsense about any pills anymore, alright?” 

“Alright.” 

Once that was declared, you just sat there, you just stayed, peacefully, and you knew for the first time in a long time, that everything would be all right. With Chris by your side, everything would be okay. 

[horrorslashergirl]

Decebal Avram Chirilă SFW Alphabet Slasher OC

Authors Note: Just trying to work more on his character so I decided to try this SFW Alphabet. ENJOY!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Decebal is a person that isn't afraid of public display of affection, if he likes someone he will let them known, through compliments, flirting, hugs, and so on. He may come off as a womanizer (which he kind of is), but that's really just how he is. All his life during Romanian Communism he's been neglected completely from affection; the most he got were more mature women complimenting on how cute he was.

Even if you're just his friend, he will hug you, wrap his arm around your shoulder. Don't strictly take that as a romantic gesture. He is just friendly.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

This Romanian as a best friend? You're basically having yourself a loyal dog that will take a bullet, grasp a knife and give his life for his best friend. He hated himself for not being strong to save his parents so now as an adult, he protects the people that have a big value in his life.

He may seem very friendly, but he has a hard time trusting someone, and that someone has to prove themselves trustworthy, mostly because Decebal is a wanted man and he meet people that played the 'friend' role only to stab him in the back. If he calls you brother or sister, then you can count on him anytime. His word is gold.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Decebal loves hugs and cuddles, and he has no problem in sharing. This man is touch-starved for affection, although he will never admit it. 

He usually loves to hug and cuddle from behind, his big arms wrapped around you, his chin rested on top of your head or if he's in a really good mood, he will spin you around. Romanian Rollercoaster!

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Alright, this man has very big issues with settling down and the whole marriage deal; although not impossible! As I said, he has a hard time letting anyone get close to his heart. It's kind of a paradox because he is starved for affection, but he runs like hell from marriage. You need to have nerves of steel if you want to get him into a little more 'serious' relationship. That strictly depends on you if he views you as a one-time thing or something more. All the women that were around him as a child after his parents were killed, were company ladies or prostitutes, toxic women so for him to meet someone who is genuinely nice to him out of no reason is a little more like a fairytale for him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

As friendly as this man is, he is also very blunt. Decebal isn't the type to beat around the bush; if he has something to say he will. He is most of the time very honest and probably his words might hurt you, but he doesn't like to get drunk with water, which pretty much means he isn't the type to even lie to himself.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As I said above, marriage is pretty much a subject and a level he wants to step aside and avoid. He is a rogue one who loves to taste freedom in all ways. He had enough of the restrictions during the Romanian communism, so his outlaw life is something he cherishes. You will have to be someone who isn't into poly relationships. You may be his significant other (Again.... How did you do that?), but that doesn't mean you can tell him what to do. Stubborn Romanian Ass.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Decebal is a pretty gentle guy in his day to day life; he prefers to love than to fight, but again.... If the last resort is fighting, oh boy. He is the type to open the doors to the ladies, smile their ways, or compliment them. That's I suppose his gentle nature. He basically has three moods; the gentle romantic lover, the sassy and vulgar punk, and finally the fast, sadistic swordsman assassin.

On 80% of the time, he is a combo of the first two. The last one is a rarity because he prefers to smile than scowl, but he is called The Impaler for a reason.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

I did mention it in the cuddle part. He is a hugger and will do so with almost anyone who is nice to him or doesn't show to be his enemy. His hugs are very nice, especially when he does them from behind, twirling you around if he is in a very good mood.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

There are two ways that he says these words. One is when he is in a jokester mood saying something like 'Awww... I know you love me.' Then the more serious way that takes a lot to pull from the Romanian's lips. He may say the L-word but it depends on how he says it. That makes the difference.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He really isn't a jealous guy. Decebal values freedom most of all things and he doesn't want to be a possessive asshole to his s/o if that's the case. He gives you freedom, so he expects you to do the same.

If it's for example about someone he likes and someone hits on them, he will probably increase his game, topping his competitor, because Decebal has Latin blood running through his veins and he knows how to take someone's mind with his charms.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Romanian lover, French kisser. He loves to leave his partners with a dazed look after a kiss, so his kisses are full of passion and sensuality, his hand running through your hair, while his other hand strokes your hip. All the time his eyes are half-lidded looking into yours.

As for where he loves to be kissed? Try kissing the nape of his neck, you will feel him shiver and look over his shoulder at you with a cheeky smile.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He has a weak spot for children mostly because he knows how sensitive these little ones are. He was a little guy himself when his parents were killed, so he knows what such a tragedy can do to one. As for if he wants children? He isn't a father figure. Sometimes he acts like a teenager and he doesn't see himself be able to raise children with his style of life. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are probably either very funny or lazy, depending on how he spent the night. He can wake up full of energy, blasting Romanian music in his headphones, singing, and preparing for the day. Lazy mornings are usually in bed, crawling downstairs and trying to prepare his coffee, drool running down the corners of his mouth.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

If you're a night person you got yourself a night owl. He loves to stroll through the city, going to a bar, having a few drinks, going to a club. Or if you prefer a much quieter environment, you two can sit down on the front porch, talking about whatever topics you want. He is a pretty cultured person so he can keep up a conversation all night long. Ooooor.... if you want a much more sensual night.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Alright; Decebal has the whole super confident guy attitude with a cheeky grin, all tall and handsome, but he has also a very sensitive side. He will reveal little by little about his past, torture, nightmares when he feels he can 100% trust you. Despite his loud nature, he also has a mysterious vibe that attracts people, especially ladies aaaand also danger to him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

You really need the talent to anger Decebal. In his opinion, life is too short to have a scowl on your face. Like the Romanian saying 'Faci haz de necaz' which basically means 'I'm laughing at trouble'. All his childhood was depressing and gloomy and he is simply tired to victimize himself. 

He really doesn't get mad so easily, but God help you if he gets angry, because it's like seeing Romania's bloody history depicted into a person.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He has a pretty good memory and will remember everything you told him. Your favorite flowers, your favorite dish. He will remember. He doesn't forget if someone helped him and he doesn't forget when someone did it wrong.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He never had a long term relationship. All his relationships, if you can call them that were just for one night or even for a few hours. His life in his home country was harsh and he didn't have the privilege to meet someone he could call HIS. Then after leaving his country, he never stayed in one place which made relationships non-existent.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Decebal is very protective if you are someone he cares for, protecting you even if it means giving his own life. He is a 'Go hard or Go home' guy. He lost too much when he was young because of his cowardice, so when he unleashes his swords is dance time.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He is a romantic guy by heart and he loves to make his special one feel that way; a bouquet of flowers, something that he remembers you saying you want.

As for effort in general, he puts 100% of his blood. All his life he had to work hard until collapsing and none cared. He digs his teeth into the task at hand and won't give up just because it hurts. He faced enough abuse as a child to know that there are worse things than a back full of whip marks or broken fingers.

When he was young he used to be tortured if the task given to him wasn't done properly and it's in his system to do it right.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Probably his flirty attitude towards most people, which in his opinion is just friendly. Even if you magically are his s/o old habits die hard and he can be a real womanizer, so let's hope you're someone who can put up with a lot.

Another bad habit, or rather a good one? Depends on how you view it, is his daredevil side that makes jokes even in the face of death. Dying with a smile on your face and a good laugh? Sounds familiar. 

Emotional Intimacy? He doesn't like this territory mostly because he feels like the coward he was as a child. Putting his feelings on a silver platter is a challenge for him and he usually screws up by taking everything as a joke. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He knows he looks good. He knows he is handsome. He knows the ladies dig it. He is mostly 50% concerned with how he looks. He makes sure he is clean, smells good and his hair is in that messy bedhead the women swoon over.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Probably if you and he have been together for a very long time. He just got used to you being around that when you leave is kind of depressing sight, but freedom is the most important thing for him, so he will swallow everything down and wave you goodbye, going on his lonely path yet again.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

One of the things that really may trigger his vulnerable side would be someone choking him because that reminds him too much of the days in jail as a child and teenager, the warden there being the father figure that used to choke him under the dirty cold water that reeked of rats on an almost daily basis.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn't like controlling people, people that think they can make anyone do what they want just using the fear as a weapon. It reminds Decebal too much of the dictator of his country during the communist system. He went through much in his life to have his freedom be taken away... again. That is something that haunts his sleep at night, one of the reasons he mostly spends his nights out and his days sleeping.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He is usually sleeping during the day, mostly because he prefers to spend his nights strolling through the city, anywhere where he can be free, none to tell him what to do. He is usually sleeping on his front with his face buried into the pillow. Usually, if he wakes up in the middle of a nightmare, he stays awake and looks out the window or on the roof of the house or building, letting his mind known that he is free. He isn't chained.

[fatbottombucky]

A Past Life Pt.2 *Geralt of Rivia x Reader*

Summary: could you write a female reader x Geralt who has PTSD due to past abuse and he accidentally triggers a flashback. It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable writing this, thank you for your time

Characters: Geralt & Jaskier

Pairings: Geralt x [F]Reader

Warnings: [PG-13] Mentions of mental and physical abuse. Mentions of rape and people turning the other cheek. Geralt helps Reader gain her confidence back and it’s super fluffy. 

Word Count: 3385 - yeah, I went... just... yeah.

Note: Part two. In this part Reader, along with Jaskier and Geralt, travels back to her village. Along the way, Reader tells Geralt of her past life, it doesn’t get graphic or anything but sensitive topics are talked about. I’m not going to do a 3rd part, this has sort of inspired an actual series called ‘Journey To The Past’ that I’m currently writing. So, unfortunately, this is the last instalment. 

Part One Here

}}}}}}}This is still being edited, I just wanted to post it because you’ve all waited long enough lmao {{{{{

The journey to Woesong Bridge was a long one, the one you didn’t think you’d ever make again. When you left, in the dead of night, you had sworn to yourself to never return there. It was a vile village, full of people worthy of forgetting. 

It hadn’t always been bad, in fact, you’d grown up believing that you wouldn’t leave. That you’d spend your days there like your own mother has done. The world was cruel and vast, easy to get lost and much easier to get killed. You felt safe and comforted in your village, till it became worse than any story a traveller told you about the world. 

“What’re you going to do once we arrive?” Jaskier asked suddenly, you glanced up and looked at him through the fire that Geralt had lit. “When we arrive at your village, what are you going to do?”

“Honestly,” you begin with a sigh, “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just know that I need to go back. I suppose see my family, I’m sure they’ve been worried sick about me.” 

Jaskier nodded, sensing your discomfort and quickly changed subjects. It wasn’t long before he was passed out on the forest floor, snoring heavily with his face pressed into the roll-up, hand wrapped around his lute in a tight hug. 

You watched as the flames crackled, warming your entire body. The orange flames mesmerised you, allowing you to drift but never going too far. Maybe travelling home is a bad idea, what are you going to do once you’re back? What will you do if you see him again? 

The crunching of footsteps momentarily alert you, glancing behind you see Geralt making his way back towards where you’re camping for the night; he���s back from doing a quick scan for any monsters or wolves roaming the area. He doesn’t even glance at you as he pets Roach, pulling off his swords and settling them beside his roll-up. 

You slowly look away from Geralt, only to watch him again. You heard stories of Witchers as a child, your mother had actually met one a few years before you were even born. Apparently, they couldn’t feel emotions, it made them more receptive to their abilities and lifestyle. You briefly wondered if that was true. If it was, you envied Geralt to an extent, but living a life of nothingness?

“I can hear you thinking,” Geralt’s deep baritone voice snapped you back to reality, he’s sitting now and only a few inches away. 

He doesn’t say anything else, only cocks an eyebrow before looking at Jaskier- who is still deeply asleep. He’s so close that you can smell the dirt and woodsy smell of him, you can see the flames flicker in his amber eyes. 

“I don’t get how he can sleep so easily out here,” you look around the forest and squint through the brush, “for a bard he sure has no fear.” 

Geralt hums in agreement. He pulls out some dried fruit from a pouch, slowly chewing on the rubbery fruits. You debated on telling him what you were thinking, would he take offence? You didn’t want to upset him, all things considered, he is helping you out. 

“When I was a child, my mum would tell me stories of Witchers,” you watched Geralt for a reaction, he only grunted, “she met one before I was born. A contract that my grandpa had put out and it got to this Witcher, he helped him with the monster problem, I guess.” That had caught Geralt’s attention, you smiled a little, “she was only ten, at the time. The Witcher stayed in our Inn, free of charge,” you chuckled lightly and Geralt raised an eyebrow, “I quote; ‘The reason why they’re so intimidating is because they have to be scary, to folks and monsters alike. But give em’ some ale and home-cooked food and they’re like any man’.” 

Geralt’s lips twitched at that, he nodded once in agreement. If anything your mother said was true, it was that. Geralt may be broody and cold, but give him some warm food and he becomes a little less grumpy around the edges. 

“My dad says they don’t have emotions,” Geralt didn’t look at you, but you could sense the eye roll, “but my ma’? She didn’t think it was true. Apparently The Witcher she met, completely different from the tales she was told. He was kind and only took half the coin, times were tough and he could see that.” 

“Sounds like a rare sort of Witcher,” you look and see the twitch of his lips, you roll your eyes at him but chuckle, “What are you getting at?”

You exhale and look back at the fire, “I have often thought about if you have emotions along this journey.” You can sense Geralt looking at you, a small hum escaping him, “and if you don’t, that’s fine. But you’ve shown more compassion to me than any of them ever did, shown more kindness than I have ever experienced,” you look at him with a furrowed brow, “that’s crazy, isn’t it? To have received more kindness from a Witcher than my own husband?” 

It’s silent between you both. You watching the fire crackle and him watching you briefly, it’s a comfortable silence and it doesn’t have to be filled. You wondered briefly what Geralt was thinking about if maybe you had shared too much with him. 

You had made the mistake of oversharing with him a few times along the road home. For some reason, you found it easy to talk to Geralt, perhaps it was because he is a good listener. Maybe it’s because you think he doesn’t actually listen, that’s why you can say anything because he hasn’t actually heard a thing and only pretended to be interested. 

“How did you meet him?” A simple question. 

“Small village, few people pass through and even fewer ever leave. There are few suitors to pick amongst and most are…” you trail off with a grimace and Geralt lets out an exhale through his nostrils, amused by your distaste towards the men in your village, “then one day a noble man’s son arrived. He was charming and handsome, well, I thought he was because all I had ever known was the men in my village. I’d say differently now. He stayed at the Inn, telling us how he brought some land and would be living there, I suppose we got along and he liked me.” 

You fell silent and hugged your knees to your chest. You turned your head, watching Geralt as he slowly chewed on the dried fruit, opting to remain silent as you thought of your next words. 

“I did what was necessary for my family,” you muttered quietly and Geralt stopped, looking at you, “I married him, not because he was kind and noble, but because my dad with his charmed words said it benefited us. I could’ve done worse, some Princess’ marry older men, me? A common girl married a young, charming nobleman. I was lucky, he told me, ‘it’s not like you’ll get asked by anyone else’.” The spiteful chuckle escaped you, “At first he was kind, loving even. I thought maybe despite everything, not actually loving him and wanting more from life, I could settle if it meant my family was better off. I was wrong. He’d drink with his friends and become a totally different person, ya’know?” Geralt frowned and nodded once, “I let that slide, drink can make people do stuff they regret… and forget. But then that anger, that hatred it followed him to the morn’ and it never went away.” 

You looked back to the fire, lifting a shoulder to shrug as if that’s all. 

“Night after night I endured it all. Let him climb on top of me, do what he wanted and prayed it was over quickly,” you couldn’t look at Geralt, the feeling of shame and guilt rising up within you, “but… then he came home with his friends and well- you can imagine the rest. I tried going home but my family, they’d given my room up for extra pay. My ma’ looked so happy, too. Couldn’t ruin it.” 

Geralt tilted his head, “you endured all that pain because it kept them happy?” He seemed confused as to why you’d allow that for yourself, “because you didn’t realise that you deserved so much more than all of that.” 

He answered himself, but the answer threw you off. You looked at him with raised eyebrows, he only shrugged and grunted, as if that was all he needed to say. Geralt is always so blase that it leaves you speechless; grumpy one moment and sincere the next. 

“Also because no one seemed to care, Geralt, no one cared about me enough to help me. I was stuck and alone,” you looked back at him and his amber eyes met your own, “I’d walk my village streets with bruises and scars, no one said a thing and instead turned the other cheek. Plus who could ever love this,” you gestured to yourself, “I was used up, he made it clear that no man would want me now? All these scars are ugly and women are meant to be fragile, dainty and not know of real pain other than childbirth.” 

Geralt looked at his hands for a moment, he offers some dried fruit to you, which you gladly accept. “Hm,” it was deep and thoughtful. “I’ve plenty of women who have stories littered across their bodies,” he eyes you for a moment before looking ahead into the fire, “how did you end up leaving?” 

“I was done looking for love where it didn’t exist,” you shrugged softly, “one night I got up, threw on some clothes and took all the coin we had in the house and left. I travelled to Velen, Midcopse to be exact. I got work and then brought myself a sword,” you smiled slightly, “I don’t know why something about protecting people and fighting just seemed right. Sorry, I don’t know why I just spilled my entire life story to you just now,” you laughed awkwardly. 

He shook his head, “No,” a simple smile almost graced his features, “it’s fine. Admittedly it just makes me want to show your abusive husband what pain is.”

“Witchers don’t get involved,” you reminded him. 

“How can I sit by knowing there’s a monster in White Orchard?” 

~~

“Y/N?” A voice called with a gasp, “Is that really you?” 

The women practically ran at you, throwing her arms around your neck in a tight hug. You almost stumbled backwards from the force, managing to regain balance and wrap your arms around her waist. It took a moment to realise this was your mother; she’d aged so much in the two years you’ve been gone.

“One day you were here,” she pulled away and looked at you, really looked at you, “and the next Cedri is telling us you had up’d and vanished, wherever did you go?” 

It was then her eyes drifted to behind you. Jaskier waved enthusiastically from beside Geralt, who looked grumpy as ever. In fact, he hadn’t said a word since you came into view of your village, his eyes turned cold at any man he laid eyes upon and his jaw twitched. 

“Is that…” she trailed off and you nodded once, “your father will not like this, not one bit, Y/N.” 

She took your hand and dragged you towards the Inn, your friends in tow. Whisperings and mutterings of onlookers, all shocked and baffled to see you, alive and certainly well. You wondered if any rumours were spread that maybe Cidri had killed you, that he had locked you away from the world. 

“She’s back!” Your mother yelled into the Inn, catching the attention of every patreon inside, including your father, “I told you she’d return.” 

He grunted, a sour face, “Two years,” is all he says to your mother, “it took two years for her to have the decency to tell us she’s alive and fine.” 

You glance at Jaskier, who is staring oddly at your father- probably wondering why this man isn’t excited to see you. Looking back at your father he huffed, watching as your mother left the Inn to grab what she had dropped when hugging you. 

“You leave in the middle of the night, no note or anythin’ to tell your family where you was going,” he spoke gruffly but quietly in the packed Inn, “only to arrive with two men, one being a Witcher. Have you no shame? Don’t you care about our reputation, word gets out that my daughter left to floozy around with two men-” 

You scoffed, “That’s what you think of me?” He crossed his arms over his chest, doesn’t say a word, “And no, I don’t care for your stupid reputation around this dead village. I left because I had no other choice, Cidri was beating me and there was only one end if I stayed with him.” 

Your father rolled his eyes, “Stop being dramatic. Every relationship has its moments, you think your mother never got a smack from me?” 

Before you respond your mother enters, along with Cidri and you feel your stomach drop. Any bravado and confidence you had quickly left at the sight of him. Hasn’t changed a day; same young face, short hair and no beard. 

A big part of you believed you no longer feared him. You had taken on bandits, fought and killed enough with your sword. Heck, you walk around with a Witcher beside you, you, in reality, shouldn’t fear this pathetic man. Yet, as you stand in the Inn, you are floored by the same fear and shame that has always controlled you. 

“Didn’t quite believe it,” his smooth voice echoes through the unusually quiet Inn, “Y/N, my wife, is back and with a Witcher.” 

It’s silent, you can’t find it within you to look away from him. Fear evident in your eyes, you feel sweat build upon your brow and upper lip, your hands are shaking by your sides. Everything in your mind is telling you to run, to leave and never return, but you can’t seem to move. Stuck. Frozen in place under his stare. 

“Nothing to say?” He asked suddenly, “I expected, at most, an apology from you. You had us worried sick-”

The amused ‘hm’ from Geralt stops Cindri from talking. Cidri raises an eyebrow at Geralt, for a brief moment you’re scared for the Witcher. He isn’t invincible or immortal, Cindri knows how to inflict pain and Geralt can certainly feel- no matter what he’d tell you, you knew he had emotions otherwise he wouldn’t have tagged along. What exactly those emotions are, you don’t know. 

“If anyone deserves an apology, it’s Y/N,” Jaskier pipes up, surprising you and Geralt, the look of disbelief on your favourite Bards’ face is one you’ll remember forever. 

“So, I guess, she told you her story?” You frowned, “of course, she’ll be the victim. I gave her a life of luxury, I paid off her dads' debts so he could run this shithole. I saved her.” 

Geralt huffs, “That doesn’t mean she owes you anything,” There’s a silence that hangs in the air at Geralt’s words, “Two years she’s been gone and not a hint of relief that she’s back, if a girl like her went missing on my watch I would have followed after her.” 

Cidri looks to be shaking with anger, glaring straight at Geralt. Only when you glance at Geralt he looks calm, hardly worked up, casually leaning against a wall as if this is some fun affair. His amber eyes catch your own, for a moment everything feels okay, you don’t feel so afraid or guilty. It’s as if whatever confidence seems to radiate through Geralt is being passed to you. 

You stand a little straighter, hand clutched on the handle of your blade. You settle Cidri with a glare, he flounders for a sentence, a rebuttal at the Witcher. 

“No one asked you, Whorson.” Venom laces his words, “of course, she’ll find comfort within something like you. A man unable to feel, exactly what she needs since no one would ever love that back,” he chuckles and gives Jaskier a once over.

“That’s enough, Cidri,” you call before he can insult your friends further. 

“Oh, she does talk.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, “I wonder how it was possible for me to be so weak, so fucking spineless. The only way I saw out was running, but the more you talk I realise it would be so easy for me to cut your head off where you stand.” His eyes widen at your words, “I was so scared of being alone that I believed I was unlovable; only you could love me in your twisted ways. I am not your wife,” you firmly tell him, “or your daughter,” directed to your parents.

Glancing at the men behind you, both wearing proud smirks, you nod for the door and they follow. You walk swiftly out of the Inn, tilting your head when spotting Cidri’s horse alongside Roach. It’s about time he owed you, isn’t it?!

“Don’t you walk away from me!” Cidri shouts angrily, following after you quickly and grabbing ahold of your wrist before Geralt can react you’ve pulled a dagger from your hip and place it tightly against Cidri’s throat, “G-ha!” he gasps. 

Leaning in close, “you don’t touch me. You don’t look at me. You don’t even think about me without my permission, got it?” He goes to nod but the blade cuts into his throat, “I’ve dreamt about this moment, Cidri,” you softly tell him, “how my blade would feel slicing that disgusting neck of yours. I want you to know that one day, not today or even a year from now, I will return and kill you because it’s what you owe me. Not an apology, but your beatless heart.” 

You pull the knife away, making sure to slice his neck just a little so it stings- less of what he deserves. You back away, smiling as you do before gesturing for Jaskier to get on the black stallion. 

~~

“How do you feel?” The deep voice startles you for a moment, you glance up to see Geralt leave the crowded Inn, Jaskier’s singing being muffled by the door closing. He sits beside you on the bench, taking up more than half and brushing his arm against yours. 

You take a moment to admire him, “Good. I feel good, the first time in a long time.” 

Geralt nods, humming in response. “When are you going to go back and kill him?” You see the amused smirk on his face, you nudge him as you chuckle. 

“I said that to make him paranoid, I intend to leave him in the past and look towards my future,” Geralt only smiled and nodded, “thank you, Geralt. I really appreciate you coming along with me.” 

He only grunts in response and it goes quiet between you, you bite your lip out of habit and sigh. A weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, no more running or cowering. You can finally live your life knowing the monster is now afraid of you. 

“You don’t really believe you’re unlovable, do you?” Geralt asks as you stand up, you look at him and you’re around level heights with him now that you’re standing, “you can’t. I think you’re one of the easiest people to love, it’s natural for people to love you. It’s...a  habit.” 

You chuckle a little in surprise from his outburst, “Uh-I… I don’t know. All I’ve known is Cidri’s love. I guess, Jaskier loves me too but that’s friendly and he flirted with me the first time we talked,” Geralt rolled his eyes, clearly unphased by that news. “The most broken people are always easiest to love, loving them makes people feel better about themselves.” 

Geralt sighs heavily, “You underestimate yourself. You’re not broken, Y/N, you never were. No one needs to fix you; you’re perfect just the way you are.”

Your breath hitches at his kind words. Geralt is a man of few words and even fewer expressions, but the softness of his voice and smile, it lets you know how honest he’s being with you right now. How open and vulnerable he’s being with you. 

“What will you do now?” You change the subject

“Find another monster to kill,” Geralt answers without looking away from you, he’s wearing a nonchalant smirk like you’re meant to be in on some joke. 

You nod once, looking at your hands as Geralt rises to feet. You tentatively look up and it’s as if time slows, Geralt leans down and you find yourself leaning up and towards him. Your lips meet in a soft, slow kiss, one that’s full of... an emotion you’re not quite sure of but would like to know. 

Geralt pulls away, “Too soon?” 

“Not soon enough,” you respond and pull him back in, he chuckles against your lips but quickly falls back into kissing you.

{{let me know what you think of this, I’d really appreciate it!!!!!}}}}

(Sorry it’s so long. Also I tried to add a READ MORE link but it wouldn’t work, so i apologise to everyone who has to scroll through this. I tried to add it but it wouldn’t work and kept messing up my post /: )

TAGS: @ladyrivia​ @peachy-aisha​ @onlyhopebensolo  @itswhateveripromise @companionjones​ 

[1shreyuh2]

Why Melanie Martinez is not a bad person:

PART ONE:

Okay, when it comes to Melanie Martinez people think about super cute and cuddly retro aesthetic. From what I’ve seen, Melanie has a huge number of haters who genuinely have a reason to hate her. People have a perception of her as an “edgy” person who “plastic shames”, “sexualizes babies”, “is a rapist” etc. Yes, Melanie has touched some sensitive topics like child abuse, mental illness and more. But most haters don’t understand the true meaning of her songs. So first off, Melanie doesn’t identify as a baby. It is true that she has the cuddle cutesy aesthetic but nothing she’s worn AS Melanie(not CryBaby) is related to baby-ish things, it’s more of a vintage kinda style which I TOTALLY love btw.  In songs like ‘Sippy Cup’, ‘Alphabet Boy’ and ‘Training Wheels’, it has been pointed out that the props she uses like a pacifier and baby dolls along with her dressing makes it look like she IS sexualizing babies but no! Her choice of clothing is rather revealing but it doesn’t have anything to do with being sexual and if you look at it that way, you’re the one in the wrong. And as per as lyrics, she only uses metaphors! I’d say that people have different ways of expressing their opinions. And Melanie uses art to exhibit her thoughts. And when it comes to art, there are different ways of using it. Personally Melanie’s way of presenting her thoughts is BEAUTIFULLY DONE.

PART TWO:

Melanie being “edgy”. This concept mainly came from the song Mad Hatter. People think that Melanie singing “All the best people are crazy” means she’s calling herself all cute and crazy and stuff but what she’s actually trying to mean by this song that people can accept themselves for who they are! Mentally ill, abused, or anything tragic happening in people’s lives changes them as a person (as shows in ‘Tag, you’re it’. They start to hate themselves, resent themselves and these cases lead to suicide. Melanie talks about how her character “CryBaby” who was abused(Tag, you’re it), changes as a person(Milk and Cookies) and soon finally she learns to love herself(Mad Hatter)..... No, she’s not trying to be all edgy in the song. And as far as I’ve noticed, people seem offended by her using the words “crazies” and “bonkers” and “phyco as a replacement for mentally ill people.... but how else is she supposed to talk about it? Using the words “mentally ill” for a song is gonna sound quite weird. Imagine writing “all the best people are mentally ill” or “you think I’m mentally ill, you think I’m gone” or even “the mentally ills the make me feel safe”.... it’s just gonna sound straight up weird. And all the lines she wrote don’t mean any offence from her side. It’s an artisic way of saying that CryBaby has accepted herself. 

PART THREE:

What is it about people saying that Melanie is plastic shaming girls or making fun of females with big butts? In the song sippy cup, yes, Melanie does say “You call that a** your own, we call that silicone”. This doesn’t have much to do with plastic surgery. The song is about people changing their realities to make their lives seem better like getting plastic surgery to look better than others or parents dressing kids up to make them feel better “ Kids are still depressed when you dress them up “. So no, this does not make fun of people getting plastic surgery or her shaming anyone. And I don’t think i need to include Mr. Potato Head in this section as plastic shaming but ik some people out there who this she’s plastic shaming in this song too. So I’m not gonna say much for this part other than the fact that the song only talks about how you should love yourself for yourself and not do anything drastic only cuz someone else asked you to. And people getting plastic surgery to look BETTER than someone else is just sick. 

PART FOUR:

So what if Melanie hasn’t gone through something to write about it? And maybe she has and is just uncomfortable to open up about it publicly regardless of her profession. And as far as it goes, even if she hasn’t gone through depression or mental illnesses, she has the rights to talk about it! It’s like saying a person can’t be a counselor or psychiatrist just cuz they haven’t gone through what you’ve went through. You can support a topic regardless you being part of the topic or not. She has the rights to express her opinion. If you disagree, don’t listen to her songs.

PART FIVE:

This topic is pretty old but I’m gonna bring it up anyways.... the rape. First off, Timothy is known to shade other artist for clout(Billie Eilish was said to be oversexualizing things by Heller) and then comes this. If Heller was actually raped, wouldn’t she have gone to court and got a lawyer to justify her statment rather than posting it on Twitter... And none of the evidence matched what she said.

PART SIX (LAST PART):

A kid audience.... I don’t know who had the audacity to genuinely say that kids watch Melanie’s “ungodly” content.... It’s your kid and your responsibility to take care of what your kid watches. And yes, Melanie does have quite a lot of rather young audience around the age of 12 to 14 mostly but that isn’t her fault is it? And if someone’s kid is raised right, they wouldn’t learn anything wrong from Melanie’s content. And her songs are made to let people know that whatever they’re going through will get better so you can’t possibly take that the wrong way and if you do, your the problem here.

thanks for listening till the end :D if you have any questions feel free to ask. I might not be able to answer all of them though.

[skygemspeaks]

Hey! I really enjoy your fics. However, when I was reading Chapter 11 of "Every Little Thing", something really bugged me. Maybe it's just me misinterpreting, but it feels like the blame landed on Toshinori for his troubled relationship with Gran Torino. I know you included a bit where Gran acknowledges the fact that his treatment of All Might was wrong, but it felt like that that was then excused because he was scared, and together with Gran calling Toshinori stupid (1/3)

And physically assaulting him… I just really strongly believe that if a child ends up that scared of their guardian, if they believe that their guardian hated them– it’s not a problem on both ends. It’s the guardian, who was entrusted with the care of that child, who had the responsibility to protect them, who is to blame. And again, you kind of addressed that, but it felt like the text was trying to convince me that both of them were to blame when it was very clearly the adult’s fault. (2/3)

I’m sorry, I’m rambling, but I really enjoy your writing, and you’re normally really good at tackling difficult relationships like this one, but it felt like this time you were trying to add complexity to a situation in which it was unneeded, and ultimately harmful. I see so much stuff in the media that tries to tell kids to forgive their abusers, and it scares me. (3/3)

You know what, nonny? You are completely right, and I’m so sorry that this is the kind of message I sent with my writing, even if it wasn’t my intention in the first place.

I always try to portray the different relationships between characters in a sensitive way in my fics and avoid victim-blaming, but sometimes I do mess up, and I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know about it in such a respectful way!

Gran Torino is a character I’ve always been really fond of, and I guess my own feelings about him kind of blinded me to the fact that the way he raised All Might was super unhealthy, even if he did have good intentions.

There’s not much I can do to change what’s already been published, but whenever I do get a chance to continue working on Every Little Thing, I promise I will edit chapter 11 to make it more clear that the narrative isn’t trying to blame Toshinori for the relationship between him and Gran, and to let readers know that this topic will be focused on more in future updates.

I was planning on Gran Torino having a significant role in Tenko’s and Izuku’s lives going forward, but I’ll be sure to work in some conversations between him and All Might, discussing how his methods of child-rearing can be harmful to a child’s mental health and have it be a part of his character arc.

I hope that’s sufficient enough to address the problems that particular chapter caused, nonny, but if not, please do be sure to let me know more of your thoughts on the topic!

I really appreciate the constructive criticism!!!

[lovemesomesurveys]

-What was the last song that you sang out loud? I’ve had Dance Again by Selena Gomez stuck in my head.

-If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? No :X I’m the worst about that stuff cause people will tell you they would want you to tell them, but I just feel so awkward about it and like how do you even bring something like that up? I mean, I have done the thing where I get some gum and offer them some haha, but I don’t tell them their breath smells.

-With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? I share my secrets with ya’ll and Twitter, ha.

-Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? No. Well, unless count my phone cause I can use the YouTube app and listen to ASMR, which is calming for me.

-When are you likely to hide your emotions? I do that majority of the time. Well, try to. I downplay them a lot. I’m not as good at it anymore as I used to be. These past few years my emotions started taking over and getting the best of me. When I’m in a mood, I shut down and just get quiet and standoffish. If you talk to me, I’m short and you can just see all over my face.

-Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? Both would be horrible.

-Who was the last person to take your breath away? I haven’t felt that way from a person in a very long time.

-When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? My go-to channels to check first are always E! and MTV. If nothing of interest is on, then I just scroll through the guide. It also depends on the time of day.

-Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? No.

-What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? I don’t recall.

-Where do you go/what do you do when you need to calm down? My bed. I’ll typically listen to an ASMR video and probably find a survey to ramble about it in and/or tweet about it. Okay let’s be real, before I do any of that I probably have a good cry first.

-What was the last mess you cleaned up? Uhh I mean, I threw away my paper plate and napkins I used yesterday after I finished eating.

- [TW] Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? Yes.

-When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? Nothing.

-Who, in your opinion, has an amazing voice? Demi Lovato first came to mind. She sang the hats and helmets off of everyone during her Super Bowl performance of the National Anthem.

-Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars? No.

-What is the last thing you complained about? Not feeling well and about how achey I am.

-What was the last curse-word you said? Probably “shit.”

-When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I’m 30 years old and no longer in school, but when I was younger I didn’t really have to do that because I felt sick often enough.

-How did you recover from your last bout of tears? I cried them all out and then just did my usual activities (Tumblr, surveys, YouTube, watched TV).

-Do you still talk to your very first best friend? No.

-When was the last time something went terribly wrong? Blah.

-How do you console someone when he or she is upset? I’m soooo awkward when it comes to that. I just let them vent if they need to, but I struggle with what to say and do.

-Have you ever seen either one of your parents cry? I’ve seen both and it’s the worst thing ever to me. I hate seeing one of my parents cry.

-Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? Oh jeez, you just listed a couple of my biggest fears.

-How often do you feel overwhelmed? Often.

-How do you deal with everyday life? I...don’t. :/

-Do you have any secret obsessions or guilty pleasures? Nah. I’m not ashamed of any of the things I like.

-Aside from on this survey, what was the last thing you wrote about? Whatever I last tweeted. I forget.

-Who in your family do you act like the most? I have a lot of my dad’s personality traits. He’s moody, irritable, and easily stressed and overwhelmed. Sound familiar?

-What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? Ty did a lot of things. The thing that always stands out is one year during Christmas he drove to my house one night because had a present for me and it consisted of little things that I mentioned briefly that I liked and it was just really sweet cause it showed he was actually listening and paying attention. The fact he remembered and then went out and bought those things for me was just really, really sweet. He was so excited to give it to me. He didn’t want me to open them right then, he wanted me to wait until Christmas and send him a video of me opening them so he could see my reaction.

-When you go out to the mall, do people stare? When I go anywhere in public people stare.

-Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? No, but I did have one tell me to take my hood off haha. I just came in and it was raining and he came up to me like, “you need to take off your hood.” Like okay jeez.

-What just tears at your heartstrings? Hearing about a child dying or being abused. Animal abuse, too. Breaks my heart.

-Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? I don’t feel that strongly, but there’s a lot of shows I have no interest in watching.

-What was the last topic that you ranted about? I don’t remember.

-Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Sometimes. I’ve been told people feel that way around me as well.

-Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? No.

-Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? No. Or ever.

-Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? Nope.

-Is your school like the drama capital of the country? I wasn’t involved in any of that when I was in school. I heard some stuff, but I wasn’t all invested in it like a lot of people.

-A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? If I have it, sure. I don’t usually have any change or cash on me, though.

-When was the last time you visited a thrift store? I don’t go to any.

-Can you handle constructive criticism? I can’t say I wouldn’t feel some type of way about it, ha. I’m just a sensitive bitch. Guess it would depend on what it was about, though. Like if someone was like, “hey, red doesn’t really look great with your skin tone and it clashes with your hair, you shouldn’t wear that” I wouldn’t care. I’d still wear it if I wanted.

Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Meeeee.

-Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? Yes.

-You can have one famous person’s wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? I guess someone who was very casual like me and likes to wear graphic tees and leggings. I’d like to have their collection, ha.

-When was the last time you wrote someone a note? I have no idea.

-Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? My family and I are 4 adults living together and we all tell each other when we’re leaving and where we’re going. It’s just our thing. If something were to happen, we’d at least have an idea of where the other was headed. And it’s just common courtesy to us to say goodbye.

-What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? I’d like to get out of my doctor appointment this afternoon. I’m still recouping.

-On average, how many surveys do you fill out in one day? It varies. Usually a few. Some days more than others.

-How many hours a day do you spend on Bzoink? I don’t use Bzoink.

-Which season do you dread the most? Summer D: It seems to go on forever and it just gets SO hot and miserable here.

-Do you ever brag about your achievements? I’ve never been one to brag. Not that I have anything to brag about, but it’s not a cute look.

-When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? Last week. We were at the airport before the sun was up and it was coming up after we just got on the plane.

-What did you do last Halloween? Watched scary movies and got takeout.

-Last Thanksgiving? Had a nice, big, delicious feast with my family.

-Last Christmas - if you celebrate? Christmas morning we got up early like we always do to open presents and then messed around with our stuff before pretty much resting the rest of the day. Oh, and we had our Christmas dinner that we usually do Christmas Eve, but my mom had to work until midnight that night.

-How did you celebrate the arrival of the new year? My mom and I watched the New Year’s festivities and counted down while the ball dropped. My dad fell asleep at like 9, so he was already out for the night and my brother was out with friends.

-Is there a foreign culture you’d like to learn more about? It’s interesting to learn about different cultures.

-Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone’s heart? I don’t think so. I’ve had it done to me a lot, though.

-Has anyone ever played with yours? Yes.

-Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought “I could have done that?” I admit that I’ve seen ones that were just like splatters and thought that. :X

-Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real … just once? Yeah as a kid cause all that came to mind was we’d get to go home and not that it would mean there was an actual fire haha.

-What is the scariest thing about attending your school? I’m done with school.

-Are you a good judge of other people’s intentions? I think so.

What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? My faith.

-Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? Alone at home online, ha.

-What is one insecurity you have about your body? Everything.

-What is one part of your body that you are proud of? I like my hair currently only cause I recently got it colored and trimmed (finally).

-When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? The night before we left for our trip. I was up late packing and my mom came in to ask me to turn my music down, ha. I didn’t end up sleeping at all that night. We left for the airport at 430. I didn’t sleep at all on the ride there or on our flight. I didn’t sleep until that night at the hotel. I honestly have NO idea how I did it.

-When you don’t know how to spell a word, do you look it up? Yeah, I just Google it real quick.

-Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? No.

-Have you seen the movie Super Size Me? Yeah, we had to in class. We watched it my sophomore year in my history class for some reason haha.

-Do you still eat at McDonald’s, regardless of that film? I was turned off to it for a little bit afterwards, but it didn’t last long. haha. I mean yeah, don’t eat it 3 times a day obviously.

-Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? Yes.

-When was the last time you doubted your abilities? All the time. What abilities?

-At your favorite restaurant, what do you order? I always order chicken tenders and fries at any restaurant, ha.

-What was the last thing you wished for? I don’t wish for things.

-How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? A lot.

[comicteaparty]

February 8th-February 14th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 8th, 2020 to February 14th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question: 

Which of your characters is most like you, and how does the similarity affect how you write them?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Every one of my main characters in Court of Roses https://courtofroses.spiderforest.com/ has a little piece of me, but Merlow takes a big chunk of me, and/or the person I try to be, in his character. I tend to feel for him a lot and get deep into his emotional highs and lows.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

In Whispers of the Past (https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/whispers-of-the-past/list?title_no=191366), I am actually most similar to my villain, Ryukou, which.... is a bit concerning and also oddly cathartic at the same time. Ryukou, like me, is book smart rather than street smart, just an absolute nerd. He obsesses over details and frequently gets lost in his work (often as a detriment to his health, forgetting to eat and sleep and such). He is a severe overthinker about pretty much everything, and he bottles his emotions inside. He is also asexual and generally has a hard time showing affection. This is to the point where when he finds someone he really cares about, losing them is like losing the one friend he ever had. Pretty much all of these traits are directly inspired by me, which leaves behind an interesting feeling, because even through all of his evil acts, his horrible deeds and unforgivable sins... I still want to redeem him. I don't want to call him "evil," because to do so feels like accepting myself as evil. So I do a lot of labeling him as "troubled" instead of "evil."

Mei

People say that I'm a lot like my character Bruce but with a spattering of Kenneth's sardonic nature. I feel as if I just split myself in two to write them! My friends do joke about Kenneth being the vent for all my frustrations, and honestly... they are not wrong... I do think a lot of my characters have a bit of me in them. Whether it's the sense of humour or the sass, I think it's just a part of the writing process for me. That being said... I love all my lil characters beans and I cherish them and I just want the best for them, even if I sometimes write them into terrible situations... what can I say, I am a terrible parent to my lil characters

DanitheCarutor

Both my main characters have a little bit of me in them. Apollo has some of my music interests, which is old country and 70's - 80's stuff, mostly rock. Julian, even though their interests and general personality are being overshadowed by their mental state right now, they like science and reading. Although their interests aren't exactly like mine, I like geology as well as biological sciences like medical science and zoology, while Julian enjoys biological plant sciences like botany and horticulture. They're not really THAT similar, but I guess I consider them so since it's all nerdy science bs. I do have more than just interests, but I'll put those behind a spoiler since they're generally sensitive topics and also really personal: SPOILER Since my comic is a vent comic, I use my characters are tools to explore my own issues, and see them from a different perspective. I filter a lot of my mental issues through Julian, which is stuff like long-term suicidal depression and self-hate. Not gonna lie, I've been living with urges to die since I was 11, and have been feeling like crap for longer than that. Apollo is loosely in a position of a kid seeing a parent in an abusive relationship, having that feeling of being powerless and not knowing what to do, although he doesn't take notice of the situation till the end of chapter 5/beginning of chapter 6. (Although it can also extend to the friend or non-child relative, 3rd party type affected by the situation. I've been in that position as well...) Also later on living with a person who has PTSD and other serious psychological issues. Being a person who was raised by a parent with PTSD and anxiety due to an abusive ex-husband, it quite an experience, especially since neither of us were educated in the slightest on mental health. (I was a child, so you know, I didn't really know better.) In my teens she married a guy who was all emotional abuse, so that's where the "helpless kid" stuff comes from.(edited) END SPOILER

DanitheCarutor

Even though people who know me who've seen the comic think it's a bad idea, working on it actually been super cathartic. It puts to paper emotions and experiences that I have a lot of trouble putting into words, while also letting me see "myself" from a different perspective. Also with how dedicated I've been to researching for this comic I have explored a lot of the good sides to mental health, good coping mechanisms, and general self-care. Which later on becomes the main focus in the story. So my comic has been really nice for me. You can say I'm personally invested in seeing it through till the end.

Lol you know, the more I post on the more I feel like I just make everything uncomfortable. Uh, just kick me from the server if you all feel like I'm ruining the mood, I'll totally understand! xD

keii4ii

It's totally fine as far as I'm concerned! I just hope you're not feeling too uncomfortable

DanitheCarutor

I see stuff like this as me just using myself as an explanation or example for the nature of my comic, the focus isn't really on me specifically so it feels less awkward. It feels more technical and less personal, even though the subject matter is super personal... if that makes any sense.(edited)

So yeah, I'm good!

DanitheCarutor

Er, better explanation: It's easier to talk about personal stuff when it's for my comic than when it's for me. Sorry, my wording was bothering me.

kayotics

I mean, you're not the only one to use comics or characters as a way to deal with things emotionally. I've absolutely done that before. Both Toivo and Rosemary in Ingress Adventuring Company (https://www.ingress-comic.com/) are inspired a lot from me and my own experiences. Rosemary is modeled after me as a teenager: irritable, a know it all, annoyed, and then has a single parent who she has a very hard time relating to because of how different emotionally they are. Toivo is inspired in a different way. He has traits that I wish I had (like emotional vulnerability and cheerfulness), and faces problems that were inspired by events in my life. both of them seem to actually share a lot of the flaws that I have, just manifested in different ways.

DanitheCarutor

Pff I mean making people uncomfortable by going into detail about it. Usually I'm more vague, or don't bring up personal stuff, but it's behind a spoiler so eh.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The nature of the question itself is to be personal, considering we're talking about how similar we are to our characters.

I have similarities to one of my other characters as well, but I decided not to talk about it because I'm still working through my issues atm The fact that you're able to talk about these sensitive topics means that you've made a lot of progress.

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I personally put bits of myself into my characters deliberately, because it makes it easier to write them in a way that feels authentic to my own experience and feelings (the only first hand references I have for reality)

DanitheCarutor

@Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) It helps a lot that my previous job had an on-site Psychologist who I used to talk to. Before she moved out of state she helped me through a board interview, and got me in the mindset to be open about discussing mental health issues. Although I don't usually talk about my own issues since most of them are self-diagnosed, and saying I have that stuff for sure doesn't feel right, when the Psychologist was around we really only got around to diagnosing and tackling my social anxiety.

It's funny because a lot of our discussions were me asking her about the nature of her work, along with experiences she had with patients since therapy and stuff like that is a large part of the later part of my comic.

But back on topic, poor Julian gets the brunt of my issues, poor thing! Poor comic characters, they deal with so much shit. Lmao!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Indeed they do.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It's not well-hidden that Phantomarine's (http://www.phantomarine.com/) main character Phaedra is extremely similar to me But over time, she's become less of a carbon copy, and more of a critique/exploration of myself when I was younger. Partly just because the comic has gone on for almost five years now - she's remained locked in time, while I've gained clearer hindsight as to who I was at 19. At my best, I was caring, empathetic, hard-working, and thoughtful - at my worst, I was stubborn, stiff, quick to judge, slow to change, and mightily self-righteous. But when some bad life events happened, I was forced to mature in unexpected ways. I wanted to channel that same energy for Phaedra. She's strong in her convictions - but maybe a bit too strong.

Her journey doesn't involve a total invalidation of her convictions, but more of a broadening. Someone inflexible becoming more willing to question her beliefs in the event of new knowledge. Especially with the threat of death/erasure on the line. It's my greatest critique of my younger self - not something I outright hate in retrospect, but something I needed to work on. Phaedra both annoys me and stirs up great pity in me. I think that's a healthy and relatable combination for a teenager/young-adult.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

In terms of, like, her backstory, and how her life unfolds in general, Mizuki is basically nothing like me. But in terms of dialogue... Mizuki talks exactly how I talk in real life.

Tuyetnhi

a lot of folks asked me if Cara is a self-insert when I explicitly states she's kind of an experience between me and my mom's relationship with each other. Though she has some personality from me, that's the same goes with everyone else I create for my comics or written stories.

idk it might just an inherent thing I recognize

twothirty

Like most people have mentioned all my characters in Verse (http://versecomic.com/) have parts of me in them, it's the only way i can write them in a believable way. But if i had to pick just 1, it's definitely Fife. Just 100% anxiety, a constant inner dialogue of self-doubt, and my own nervous tics like playing with hair and picking at nails. It makes writing how he handles problems kind of weird, because I get a bit too much in my own head with it.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can relate with all my characters in some way and definitely throw some of my own culture and experiences in mental illness into them. I feel like I'm able to write those things in better and make them feel more natural because I know what it's really like and how I would be responding to a situation. There's also one character I'm about to introduce (in an update for tomorrow or Monday) who's kind of like how I was as a child.

Capitania do Azar

I feel like I'm just going to repeat a lot of the replies I see here by saying I sprinkled a lot of traits and issues through the characters so I can see them interact and figure things out I don't think there's one of them that gets more than the others though. And it's usually really small things here and there, nothing too big because that would ruin the purpose of trying to have my characters being their own persons

Tuyetnhi

yep, i agree on that

renieplayerone

same here, I kinda spread out between a bunch of different characters. I really wanted to be deliberate in not having a self-insert character while still being able to talk about things I've experienced. I think for me what helped was figuring out what werent things I related to about these characters and went out and talked to people who did have that experience

DanitheCarutor

I dunno, I think it's all in what kind of people... creatures you make your characters. Like, I only have the two and really give Julian the majority of my personal stuff, to where they can superficially be a carbon copy of myself. Although overall their background, personality and how they deal with issues are different. You can put a lot of yourself into one character but it's all in how you have them handle those traits, coupled with what kind of personality they have, and where they come from that makes them their own person, so to speak. People are complicated, you can put a group who share the same interests through the same scenario, and how they react or what they take away from that experience will always be a little different.

Urg, sorry if I'm coming off rude, or stating the obvious!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

You know, I was thinking, "none of my characters are like me," but then @snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) 's comment made me remember that, wait, they do sort of talk like me. I don't really like it. Especially when I catch them using words that I use too often, like "just" and "actually." It doesn't help that my friends have said that I have a very "particular way of speaking," whatever that means. How do you guys prevent that kind of thing? Obviously my natural instinct when writing dialogue is to write in my own voice. It feels unnatural to go against that.

keii4ii

One tool you can use is to model a character after someone else. This doesn't really show in my comic, as it's in English only these days, but the characters canonically talk in Korean most of the time. The MC is not fluent in Korean. I modeled his speech after two Korean-American dudes I know IRL, who are not fluent in the language. He doesn't talk exactly like them, as they have very different personalities, but knowing the exact level of brokenness (as in broken Korean) helped a lot back when I was writing the comic in Korean.

Tuyetnhi

I sometimes caught that too with my characters. I try to think of the type of vocabulary they'll use to speak. also what keii said too. I have a handful of characters based on people I knew, and experiences I had in the past as well.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Luckily, my my comic takes place in a much "older" setting, so none of my characters really speak like me. The language is so dated at times that you would have a hard time comparing it to my style of talking at all. Actually.... I do have ONE character who speaks like me. But he's also a 4th wall breaker.

Tuyetnhi

we love characters like that lol

carcarchu

My verbal ticks definitely slip into my characters's dialogue but some of my characters have super wacky speech styles such as the character who only speaks in haiku and the one that only talks in kaomojis so that helps to differentiate them

Deo101 [Millennium]

I give everyone an accent and then just by trying to read it in that accent it kind of loses my voice in that process

DanitheCarutor

To add onto what Keii said, depending on the language, the person who isn't a native speaker may also speak more formally. I used to work in a squadron with a bunch of Dutch pilots, and while their English was exceptional, some of them never used word shortcuts like 'they're' or 'you're' but would instead say 'they are' or 'you are'. Their English was very proper compared to people who were native to the language. You can also base a character's speech off their education level. Like a person who isn't well versed in their grammar, or has a limited vocabulary is going to have related issues while speaking. You can also akin this to how they were raised, if their parents had a specific speech pattern, or they grew up in an area where everyone spoke a certain way they might as well. They might also use different words, such as when I lived in Ohio for a bit I noticed how most people referred to soda as pop, and said words like creek (crick) or pond. As opposed to where I grew up, Arizona, where I rarely heard those specific words being used. Especially creek and pond since we don't have an abundance of natural bodies of water, we usually call everything rivers or lakes regardless of size.(edited)

Uh, to answer more directly. I usually figure in the character's education level, upbringing, and location. For example one of my MCs is a hardcore hick, and doesn't like reading or learning in general, so his speech is very simple and not always grammatically correct. As opposed to my other MC who isn't a native English speaker but put a lot of effort into learning the language, is a very technical person, and worked really hard to hide their accent. Even though they do use shortcuts, their speech is more proper and they use a larger vocabulary because they like reading. They also cuss a hell of a lot more than the other MC because they're extremely salty.(edited)

kayotics

Getting a character's voice right is really hard, honestly. What I have to do when writing dialogue is ask myself "Is this in the character's voice?" dialogue is my favorite thing to write, but it's hard to remember to keep in a specific voice. Sometimes i go back a few times in the dialogue to tweak it so there's the right words being used, and the right sentence structure. It's always a battle between how to say something in the most concise way on the page, but still keeping in the right character voice. Like Dani above me said, there's a lot that goes into figuring out a voice, like education level and upbringing and localisms. I just ask myself "ok, how does this character speak? He feels like he's dumb and he wants to make himself sound smart, so he might use words that are too big here" Eventually with each character I figure out what they're like, but for side characters I try to pick a quirk so they don't all mesh together.

DanitheCarutor

@kayotics Aah! The best thing is when that dumb character uses the wrong big words. "Ah yes sir, I love your work! Your brush strokes are very circumlocution."

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

See, I have a dumb character who knows he's dumb, so he just doesn't talk if he thinks he doesn't know what he's talking about

Which is quite often

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I have a very specific tone I use in my comic & I honestly find it harder to avoid slipping into that tone when writing normal stuff than slipping into my own voice writing the comic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

you do have a very specific tone, sssfrs. Big part of why I read your comic(edited)

I like and agree with kayotics and dani's advice to try to put myself in the character's mind.

Problem is, most of my main characters have similar education levels and grew up in the same place. I mean, there's a reason they're friends.

But that's kind of an excuse, now that I think about it. I've never met two real people with the same voice, even if they're superficially similar. It's probably just a matter of effort differentiating fictional characters.(edited)

Capitania do Azar

How dialog is structured is a great way to show the relationship between the different interacting characters I have two characters who are interested in each other but don't know each other very well and are constantly tiptoeing between using closer pronouns and first names or going back to formal speech and last names/ranks when they feel they're not getting their way. Similarly, a character may speak only in very short, concise sentences to one and be more expressive and take up more words with another. And don't get me started in the weight of silence

AntiBunny

I originally said Hannibal is the most like me in http://AntiBunny.net/ but he and I have grown in different ways since the comic began. Though much of the main cast has bits and pieces of my personality.

sagaholmgaard

I feel like I'm the most like Styrka, mind-wise. I gave her all my anxieties and she's the way I feel like I'd act if I weren't also lucky enough to be in a very positive place in my life, lol. She's the easiest for me to write at least, because I feel like I have the best understanding of her mind out of all the characters. (Behavior-wise, though, I'm more like Albus. I try to be positive if I can!) https://tapas.io/series/_Reclaim_

[mothfishing]

i read the whole feral fiasco and i was wondering, in your eyes, what fetishization is compared to representation?

im going to give you the benefit of the doubt here but i honestly don’t know how you can read her work or what ive had to say about it without seeing the issue. this isn’t like, a super fine line.she is textbook racist, textbook transphobic, and textbook poor handling of abuse. characters of color are consistently shoved to the side or else outright demonized, trans characters consistently have their assigned gender and bodies obsessed over, her only intersex character is written abysmally, and so on. like, this is basic stuff - don’t use people and their identities for porn. 

in general she has never once stepped back and acknowledged she isn’t a member of X group and as a result is trying to be careful about Y topic and if she messes up then she would appreciate being told because feral shuts out any criticism that doesn’t kiss her feet for the god-given ~deep writing~ that is her fetish filled disaster of a writing career

if you want the difference between representing people as people and people as punching bags or blow up sex dolls or both, i go in a little more detail abt her issues under the readmore:

warnings for csa, intersexism, and transphobia. also slightly nsfw talk because of the nature of the discussion

feral is a freakish creep because “representation” to her means adding trauma and pain she can get off on and only to the extent that she can get off on it. she’s never made a creative decision that’d force her to write less porn. her creative decisions with regards to representation are primarily in service of porn, porn, and more porn. when all of your creative decisions add up to how much sex you can write then you are not representing anyone authentically.  

let’s talk about childhood sexual trauma. 

feral and her rabid stans try to claim she represents childhood trauma in a sensitive and authentic way, but the fact of the matter is that she really does not and it’s really fucking creepy. im going to focus on her frisk because it’s in her treatment of frisk that there are the most problems, but it’s SO weird and freakish how frisk’s hypersexuality isn’t treated as the unhealthy coping mechanism it is. it makes my skin crawl how feral can so freely say that her frisk’s hypersexuality is tied to childhood neglect and then later grooming which made them feel like this is the only way they can be sure they’re loved, and then…not have anyone point out that needed to fuck your partners to be reassured of that is unhealthy. 

and that’s the thing - it is never treated as unhealthy. frisk’s insatiability is instead a funny sexy thing - haha chara and asriel struggle with keeping up with them! haha isn’t it hot how frisk clearly deals with stress through a lot of sex! it is NEVER treated with respect or care or dignity and frisk never fucking gets help for it! neither of their partners (partners who are siblings) ever go, actually, no, we shouldn’t have sex right now, you’re doing it to handle stress and maybe we should get you help finding better coping mechanisms.

that would get in the way of feral writing more porn, and thus we can’t have that. it’s such a fucking disrespectful way to handle hypersexuality due to abuse that i don’t even know what else to say about it. i can’t believe anyone would think this is representation and not some disgusting woman’s nasty fetish. 

so what’s the line between fetishization of hypersexuality and representation of it? again, i can’t help but question your honesty a little, but if you want to write a sensitive portrayal of hypersexuality you need to, at the very least, treat it as what it is: an unhealthy coping mechanism. people need to react to it like it is an unhealthy coping mechanism. get them help lol it’s not healthy for them to tie self worth and belief that people love them to sex. also in ANY case, don’t do this for a damn child. find a fucking adult, man.

let’s talk about intersexness.

frisk’s intersexness is handled so poorly that it’s difficult to know where to begin. it comes up only for: 1) porn, 2) fertility issues, 3) to explain that frisk developed early and that’s when the grooming happened, bc they looked older than their age.

but she just doesn’t care about representing intersex people or our experiences authentically. she uses the sexual trauma that comes from being sexualized due to a developed body at a younger age for porn, as i’ve already outlined. she uses frisk’s body for porn. a lot of medical procedures intersex people often are put through leave certain parts, shall we say, less functional than feral portrays, but that isn’t brought up. a lot of intersex people have trauma and shame surrounding certain body parts that would leave them unwilling or hesitant to have sex and would have to be worked through, but frisk has to be insatiable so feral never touches that. a lot of intersex people have certain medical issues due to intersexness, either as a result of the condition itself or from medically unnecessary corrections to it, but this is never brought up. 

and yes, it’s totally possible that not all of these factors may not be relevant for frisk, but all of them? is it not convenient that nothing feral’s decided would lead to less porn? that all of her narrative decisions for every single one of her characters lead to as much porn as possible?

she also has a basic misunderstanding of intersexism and intersex experiences that is really hard to miss unless you never read anything about intersex experiences beyond enough of the medical stuff to write porn of. she tags intersexism as gender issues when the first thing a lot of resources on intersexness will say is that intersexness is not linked to gender identity. intersex people are not inherently nonbinary, for one. but feral lists gender identities for all of her characters, and yet leaves them out for frisk and only says they’re intersex. feral you fetish obsessed freak if you listened to intersex people for once in your life and took responsibility you would know that intersexness =/= gender and if frisk ties their gender to their intersex identity terms like intergender exist

let’s talk about transness

it is totally unacceptable that we find out toriel and asgore are trans by asgore reminiscing on them fucking. that’s gross as hell. additionally she constantly focuses on the bodies of trans people and like, ugh i’ve already explained this in depth go back and read over that if you somehow missed it the first time 

how not to write trans people fetishistically: don’t focus so much on porn oh my fucking god. don’t writing characters who can never present the way they want because of a reason you pulled out of your ass. don’t draw so much art and write so much porn focusing on the breasts of characters who are dysphoric. and so Fucking on.