#be prepared kiddos because we got a lot of stuff to cover

[anotherfanaccount]

When things are going wrong and future looks bleak I just remember the dialogues from OSO.

Which is sort of dark that it has to be by the end that everything's fine. The end of life being death but happys endings.

A bittersweet hope of that grand finale. And just us being that cinema.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey Sex Witch! What are some good resources for explaining body & sexuality stuff to an almost teenager (she's eleven)? She gets some Sex Ed in school, mainly explaining puberty & menstruation and I'd like to be prepared for additional questions.

hi anon! how incredibly fortuitous that 10-12 is exactly the age range I have the most experience teaching!

(when it comes to kids, anyway. my actual #1 overall demographic is tumblr users in their teens and twenties.)

the book we use in my classes is called It's Perfectly Normal, written by Robie Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberly. I think it's a great starting point for middle readers because it covers a wide variety of topics - physical and emotional changes that come with puberty, reproduction, masturbation, gender and sexual orientation, and sexual health - in informative, neutral language accompanied by cute illustrations and corny jokes that are much less daunting than the impersonal anatomy illustrations kids will likely see at school.

It's Perfectly Normal is also a good way of starting to gently bump kids out of their comfort zone by addressing questions they may already have but feel too awkward to address. there's a great two-page spread of naked people of various ages with different skin colors, genitalia, body types, and visible disabilities. without fail, the kids in my class will start out squawking about how inappropriate and weird it is - and then, once we get through their discomfort, start making very astute observations about the different types of bodies represented and how rare it is to see, for instance, people who are fat or disabled looking happy with their bodies, and wondering why that is. this year the section of masturbation also got a lot of balking - I think it was initially jokingly described as "unholy" by one of the students, which opened a door for a great conversation about why people might feel gross or ashamed about touching their own bodies.

as great as this can be as a starting point, it's likely this kiddo won't want to have all of her conversations about her own development one on one with you, and that's (pardon the bad joke) also perfectly normal. if she'd like to do some reading on her own, Scarleteen is a great website aimed specifically at answering questions about sex for teens and tweens, with articles tackling everything from safe DIY sex toys to breaking down bad sex ed info circulating on TikTok. it also has forums where kids can ask questions they can't find answers to anywhere else, which are answered by knowledgeable adult volunteers.

and if all else fails, remember that a rock solid poker face and a willingness to admit you don't know the answer to something will do wonders. if she comes to you with something you also don't understand and know everything about, tell her that and turn to our friend Dr. Google to find an answer together - that can be a great opportunity to talk about how we tell reliable information from bad information, especially when it comes to searching for potentially sensitive information that many people have very strong opinions about.

[sidespart]

For the fic title thing: Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling

Make Up Your Mind (this seriously got away from me and became basically a whole string of conscious fic whoops)

Logince, Bakery/coffeeshop AU Mutual Pining/ Not-Actually-Unrequited love, + loceit friendship

So Janus owns a Bakery (struggling to think of a snake/lie based bread pun for the name but ehh). He is the head only baker and sends most of his time in the basement kitchen blasting the phantom of the opera soundtrack and kneading dough. 

Logan is his childhood friend. Janus hired him as cashier after Logan dropped out of collage but then he never left and is now basically manager/ accountant/ hbic of this whole operation.

So one night as Janus is leaving he’s casually like: ‘oh by the way, a couple are coming by tomorrow for a wedding cake consultation’

And Logan blocks the door and is like: ‘Janus. We don’t do wedding cakes. We don’t even do cake. You only make weird artisanal bread. it took me 6 months and 8 powerpoint presentations to convince you to sell banana loaf’

Jan, his eye enormous: ‘but Logan, you should have heard this guy on the phone. They only want to use LGBTQ businesses for their wedding, they want to support the community that’s supported them for so long. He spoke so passionately and eloquently about why it just had to be us I couldn't say no’

Logan, his eyes not enormous: did you tell this man we make wedding cakes just to make the phone conversation end?

Janus: I was going to miss the murder, she wrote marathon, Logan 

So Jan manages to escape, and Logan rolls his eyes but like. This is nowhere near the worst ‘cleaning up after Janus lied to get out of a situation and made everything more complicated for no goddamm reason’ incident that he has had to deal with during the course of their friendship so, whatever: he can tell the couple there was a miscommunication when they show up in the morning. 

Next day, the guys arrive. Virgil, who barley introduces himself and then stays hunched in his hoodie not speaking for the whole meeting, and Roman. 

Roman does not have a problem speaking. Roman has lots of ideas.

Roman has a binder. 

Somehow in the course of this conversation Logan goes from ‘we don’t make wedding cakes’ to ‘I’LL SHOW YOU, WE’LL MAKE THE BEST GODDAMM WEDDING CAKE THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN’

Maybe it was the passion of Romans argument. Maybe it was the slightly disdainful look on his face when he looked round the shop. Maybe it was the ridiculous amount of money he was prepared to pay (see: Janus insists on only making specific, weird bread as to why the shop’s always on the brink of collapse). Maybe it was the power of the binder (Logan is like 80% sure Roman hit him with the binder at one point). Maybe its just Logan hasn't had a full blown passionate argument like that since high school debate club and the rush of adrenaline made him dumb.

Whatever the reason - they’re now fully committed to making this 6 tier, purple and blue, Disney inspired, multiflavoured wedding cake

(Janus, who skipped out on the meeting because he is Like That: But Logan....we don’t make wedding cakes...this was really irresponsible of you...

 Logan: I know where you sleep. I could kill you at any time) 

Which would be doable (the weddings a while off, and Logan is ready to RESEARCH) except Roman keeps. Coming. Back. 

With new ideas. And tweaks. And suggestions. All of them seemingly designed to make the cake less structurally sound. 

Basically every time he comes in they end up having a blazing row, first about Romans inability to make up his mind about the cake and then about...literally everything. One time they spent 25 minuets arguing about whether or not Shakespeare wrote all of his plays, which somehow turns into ‘who was the best host of blues clues?’ which then turned  into ‘how would nationalised healthcare best be implemented?’ (the loudest arguments were during the blues clues section).Logan had even fewer customers then normal that day.

(Logan: I hate that guy so much! He shows up at 2pm every day and now my blood pressure has started going up at 1.55pm in anticipation of the fight! He’s causing me actual medical distress because he’s so stupid!

Janus:...you’ve memorised some guys schedule and your heart starts racing whenever you see him?

Logan: yes! because he is my enemy!

Janus:...

Janus: mmKay.)

ANYway, one day Roman turns up and is like: Can’t fight today. Need caffeine. Must Study. and sequesters himself on one of their two rinky dink tables and starts pulling enormous textbooks out of his bag. Turns out Roman is in law school, he’s back home for the whole summer to help with wedding prep and has been neglecting his summer reading. He wants to be an environmental lawyer and, ideally, singly handily prosecute every oil company and give a speech at the UN whilst wearing an immaculately fitted Italian suit. 

Logan has a panicked moment of OH NO HE’S SMART (he doesn't need an oh no he’s hot moment because Roman’s been hot the whole time). Very carefully he does not think about how upset hearing Roman mention the wedding again made him feel, and then shares a bit about his own anxiety during college which led to him dropping out.

Roman says degree or no degree its obvious Logan is one of the smartest, most capable people Romans ever met.

Cue: blushing, stammering, Logan standing up to quickly and knocking half a pot of coffee over etc etc all that good fluff. 

And after that their conversations are less confrontational (although they still debate like. everything.) and more friendly.

They have one (1) more conversation about the wedding wherein Roman apologises for being so stressed and snappy over all the preparation stuff but he just wants everything to be perfect for Virgil. (Logan, awkwardly: you must love him a lot. Roman, himbo-ly: Yeah!) aaand then Logan changes the subject to the best rhyming structure because Romans big sappy grin is making his heart do awful twisty things-

And eventually, Roman asks Logan to go out with him outside the bakery.

Logan: hahaha this is friendship, we are great friends, we are going out as friends. I am not going on a date with a man with a fiancé because that would be the actions of a crazy person.

 So they go on their date. It’s amazing. Roman leans in for a kiss at the end and Logan is delighted!

And then devastated.

He pushes Roman away, yells some creative insult (malodorous centurion?) and flees. Spends the next week basically hiding in the kitchen area, refusing to see any customers and working on the wedding cake.

(which is looking perfect by the way)

So after a week of Logan moping round the kitchen Janus finally blocks the door to stop him leaving and demand he tells him what the hell is wrong. And after a few minuets of filibustering Logan ends up telling him everything.

“In any case, the very fact that he is the kind of man who would cheat on his fiancé means he’s not the kind of man I thought he was. Therefore any alleged feelings I may have developed towards him would now be null and void” says Logan, looking like the worlds sadist accountant

Janus: So...wait. You’re saying wedding cake guy and hot lawyer guy are the same person?

(Logan: you need to come out of the basement more often Janus: YOU need to tell me what’s going on in your life more often. (they have had this conversation many times in the past))

So Janus sincerely tells Logan he’s sorry...and that he’s even more sorry that he needs him to help him deliver the cake to the venue tomorrow.

(this thing is way to big for one person to carry and there’s no way Jan would trust any of their occasional teenage cover staff to do this and ‘we’ll go round the back and you wont have to see anyone anyway comon Lo’ you basically built this monstrosity you should see it home)

So, reluctantly, Logan goes. And they go round the back as promised, and get this enormous cake settled, and then get told to wait there one sec cus one of the grooms is going to come sign for it and before Logan can throw himself out of the widow (get OFF me Janus we’re on the ground floor it’s FINE)  from behind them they hear squeeing.

There’s a curly haired dude in a pastel blue linen suit who Logan has never seen before in his life looking at the cake and cooing over ‘all the little details! its perfect! oh Virgil is going to love this! You know he was so embarrassed about asking for a Disney themed cake he had to ask Roman to go with him to -”

“Who ARE you?”

The man blinked at Logan, who realised dimly that he still had one foot up on the windowsill and slowly returned it to the floor. 

“I’m Patton” said Patton.

“And I’m Janus” said Janus, removing his arms from where they’d still been clamped around Logan’s waist and stepping smoothly towards Patton, clipboard held aloft “A pleasure to meet you, if you could just sign here...”

“BUT-” Patton paused, hand still raised to accept the clipboard, and looked over again at Logan who found himself mumbling:  “but - but the groom is supposed to sign for it?”

And Patton just smiled at him looking a bit bemused and goes ‘I am the groom? And who are you kiddo?”

Logan says he’s Logan. Patton suddenly looks a whole lot less friendly. 

“Oh.” says Patton. “You.”

And since Logan’s mind is currently refusing to take in the information in front of him Janus is the one who ends up stepping in between them and going “so just for 100% transparency - you are Patton. 

“yes?”

“and today you are marrying the love of your life: Virgil?”

“Yes!”

“And are either of you, at any point today, also planning on marrying one Roman Sanders, caffeine addict and terrible communicator?”

And Paton burst out laughing and says “ROMAN? Virgil’s big brother Roman? He’s my best man but I don’t think we’re planning to take it any further...”. And because Patton is apparently much quicker on the emotional uptake than Logan he gives him a vey soft, if slightly exasperated, look and says:

“Roman - who again, is my future brother-in-law- is helping set up in the main hall.”

And Logan likes to think he said thank you before he took off fucking RUNNING through the building but he can’t be sure.

So he gets to the hall, where a load of people are setting out chairs, putting up flowers etc,  and skids to a stop at one end of the aisle. Shouts: “ROMAN.” (Roman and Virgil, who were standing at the other end arguing over a flower arrangements, both look up) “YOU’RE NOT MARRYING YOUR BROTHER.”

“um.” Says Roman “No?”

Explanations are given. Virgil, who is a lot more talkative now that he’s not on 7th wedding appointment of the day burn out, is ready to physically fight Logan for breaking his brothers heart. And then once he understands the full story is ready to kill both of them for being such dumbasses.

Roman: But I s2g I told the guy on the phone that it was the groom and best man coming??? Logan: Yeah he might have lied and said you were a couple for a joke, or he may have just straight up not listened to you. Either way, he is just Like That.

Logan: WHY DID YOU NEVER MENTION VIRGIL WAS YOUR BORTHER?? Roman: I WAS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND ALSO SEDUCE YOU WHY WOULD I WASTE TIME TALKING ABOUT MY LITTLE BROTHER??? Virgil: Yeah...he does like talking about himself, sorry he’s just  Like That.

Anyway it all ends fluffily, Patton and Virgil get married. Roman cries. Logan and Jan hang around for the wedding. Roman and Logan hold hands throughout the speeches and dance during the reception. Roman has to go back to law school soon but they agree to call each other every day at 2pm to catch up and argue. 

Janus gets off with the moustachioed DJ. 

And Roman and Logan get another chance at their first kiss.

[marvelous-space-nerd]

My dearest Bee

Hi dear tumblr people! I wrote a thing and I quite like it,,

Summary: Time travel, is, well something. Who would've thought that you would get stuck in the 1800's?? Well here you are, part of the Van der Linde gang, ready to face the past.

First chapter can be read as a stand alone chapter. It takes place a few years after Isaac died. The relationship between the reader and Arthur is platonic. Enjoy!!

ao3

My dearest Bee,

So I hope these letters- I can’t call them letters if they’re in a book right?- Anyways, I hope these will find you, I hope you’re home, safe. I hope you saw your dog again, I miss her. I have a horse now though! Maybe I’ll name her after you, or just wasp. If I remember correctly you weren’t the biggest fan of wasps. But really, I’m not sure if we timetraveld or were transported to another universe where everything just started like 100 years later, the latter case making it a whole lot harder for you to find this. I just really hope you’ll find this against all odds, because I said I’d write to you if I made it. And I did! I guess. After the whole thing blew up some cowboys found me, I think they call themselves the Van der Linde gang? But yeah, they feed me and gave me a bed for the small price of doing some chores. I’d like to do more though, did you know that the 1800’s are really boring even though you can die at any second? It’s spicy but in the wrong way. I’d like you to know though that it’s not all bad here. People are lovely when they’re not trying to shoot you. You should see a campfire evening- hell any evening- here.

Yours always,

(Y/N)

“(Y/N) get off your lazy ass and do the chores we asked you to do!”

“Mister Morgan! No need to yell, I got it perfectly under control. I was just, taking a break, that's all. Everyone who works all day has the right to take a break.”

“Boy as much as we want it workers are exploited ‘till they fall to the ground face first. You however are not so-” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes before speaking agian. Softer this time than the louder tone he was using first. “get to work, please.”

“Fine fine, but-”

“There better leave something good out of that big mouth of yours.”

“Hey that's just rude! But I want one of you lot to teach me anything. I can’t even ride a horse for Christ's sake.”

“I still don’t get how you can’t kiddo.”

“I told you I lost my memory at the explosion, maybe I lost my skills too.” You said avoiding his piercing gaze. Nothing is better at covering up lies than staring at rocks being sad over the skills you’ve lost.

“And we all know about that blatant lie.” Fuck, maybe rocks aren’t good at covering up.

“It isn’t-”

“Boy I don’t give a damn, you could work on your handwriting though, you’re almost worse than John. But fine, when you’re done with your chores I'll teach you to ride.” He said, finally giving in.

“Yay!” You said while doing little hand clapping motion. “I won’t disappoint, I promise. I’m a fast learner!” You said with smiling eyes

“And how’d you find out you were a fast learner boy?” He spoke out as he raised his eyebrows, just enough for you to feel them piercing right through you, poking at all the holes in your lie. You thought you’d last at least a few months, well here you are, exactly one month deep in this shithole being caught red handed.

“Fuck” Is all you managed to cram out while your eyes lost all their focus. You being back in your own mind instead of the wild world.

It made the silence hard. The only sound that of the other gang members and the birds and the bees to give you something to focus on. It’s so hard out here, no amount of scouts will ever prepare one for the real wild.vIt’s much scarier out here. The real wild is the place where you die if you trip over the wrong rock. The scouts will make sure the rock isn’t even there. Every bird will just put down another rock and god I want the silence broken, just as broken as my lie is.

“I know there’s probably a reason you’re not telling us anything.” Athur said, as he moved closer, his eyes smaller. Like they could see right in his head “You can’t hide forever, not who you are.”

“...”

“Use your words boy”

“I’m sorry, Mister Morgan, I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You’ll figure it out, but first geT your ass back to woRK.” His voice became louder this time, I mean this was the third time he asked. He put his hand on your shoulder, shoving you away from your shared tent towards the hay bales you were supposed to move. A bit harder than anyone in the twenty-first century would’ve done, but for Arthur it was just a friendly push.

“I will, I will mister Morgan!” You said trying to act cheerful. Arthur made a “tsk” sound and waved you off, absolutely done, it seemed. You moved to the hay bales that were still in the wagon, ready to be fed to the horses.

The hay bales were heavy, yet they seemed lighter than they were a month ago. Your hands weren’t soft no more and being covered in dirt and dust wasn’t rare anymore. The luxuries that the modern world gave you disappeared the moment you decided that Bee was the one who should go home. One to run to the portal the moment it opens, one to pull the lever and jump through afterwards. Both of you knew that people don’t want you touching their stuff, let alone interdimensional portals or time machines. You knew someone would be quick to show up the moment you turned it on. It was surprising to see the portal become unstable, blinking in and out, in and out of existence. It left you with 2 choices. Option a: jump in it praying it would still transport you back home, back to all you knew not leaving you in the empty pocket of a closed portal. Or option b: run away for the inevitable explosion.

Gods you hated thinking about it. It played and twisted your mind. You couldn’t even talk about it, no accessible therapists in the wild west. And you’d prefer not to tell anyone you’re a helpless time traveler. Stuck in 1895 traveling with a gang of outlaws. A surely unique situation only you could get yourself in. You don’t even remember what you chose. You just remembered waking up surrounded by a bunch of cowboys.

“And how is our newest member doing?” The man's smooth and easy voice was easily recognizable. Dutch Van der Linde. Isn’t it ironic that he has a dutch surname and that his parents called him, well, Dutch. It’s a question that always on your mind, why his parents did that and if it’s iconic or just stupid. Dutch was one of the first people who introduced himself, right after Arthur- who was very inclined on being called Mister Morgan- and Hosea. The trio who showed you the wild west wasn’t all bad.

“Dutch! It is absolutely lovely to see you.” You said while putting the last hay bale down. A little bit of healthy sweat decorating your face. “I am doing absolutely great. Arthur- Mister Morgan is actually going to teach me how to ride a horse when I’m done.” You said while eyeing Arthur. Clearly not being amused with the situation. “Eh, he said yes, it’s his problem now.”

“I’m surprised you got through that thick skull of his!” He said with a smile, each word a little louder than the last. He clapped his hand on your shoulder as he let out a little chuckle.

“I think he likes me even though he won’t admit it actually.” You lied, confidence was half of the battle, as they say.

“I think I don’t you annoying little bastard.” Arthur said, joining the conversation. Dutch clearly talks loud enough to make sure any gossip subject will show up to the gossip. Definitely not the fact that you made eye contact with him “Now get to your horse before I change my mind.”

“Arthur! Oh shit- Mister Morgan! I’ll be there before they can even give me a speeding ticket” You said, maybe it was a bit too modern this time, but isn’t the wild west about living on the edge?

“You speak a strange version of english boy.” Arthur said. “You know how to saddle up a horse right?”

“Hosea taught me so I could help around with chores. And Wasp already had a saddle when we found her so I’m all good to go Mister Morgan!”

“Great, now go get her saddled up so we can go.” He said, motioning towards the horses.

“See you in a flash.” You said while snapping your fingers, forming finger guns to point back to Arthur. You dismissed the look of confusion on their faces, clearly not used to the finger gun motion. You walked off to Wasp and gave her a little pet and a snack. As you were putting her saddle on you overheard the rest of the conversation between Arthur and Dutch.

“We can both see you have a soft spot for the boy, Arthur.” Dutch said with a chuckle.

“And we both know youngins have great hearing and that he’s spying on our little conversation.” Arthur said in response, eyeing you. You kept saddling Wasp up as if you heard nothing. Let the deaf chicken inside of you arise and all. Hoping they’d say more.

“I know Arthur, I know.” Dutch said with a chuckle. About to walk away. “Oh before you go, he’s a kid Arthur, don’t be too hard on him and be carefull.” You didn’t think you were a kid, maybe not a full grown adult, but at least you were half an adult, no kid. But you weren’t going to say anything, you were eavesdropping after all. “He’s all yours, (Y/N)!” He yelled at you, before leaving for real. You turned around and gave him a smile and a quick wave. Arthur walked

“Take her by the reins, we're walking to an open spot first.”

“Shoar '' You said, absolutely trying to mimic the western accent you hear all around here. Apparently it was just bad enough to make Arthur chuckle.

“We’ll make a cowboy outta ya yet.”

Traveling in the wild was absolutely amazing for the most part. Abandoned camps are in fact disgusting. They leave their trash! And it’s not like they cleaned their cans so it smells. But besides that the mostly untouched nature was beautiful and the air was so clean. It all felt much more, how to put it, real. No factories everywhere, no house on every corner of the street, just, the world how mother nature intended it. It was peaceful. There was an open field about ten minutes walking from camp, and that’s where you arrived. Reins in hand.

“You ready to go (Y/N)?” Arthur asked. You put your hand on your hips looking at your horse with abosute pride and stupidity because how to fuck were you going to do this?

“Absolutely.” You said. “Remind me how do I get on again?”

The words were taken by the wind as they made room for silence. Arthur’s expression could be described as a mix between surprise, disbelief and the OhMyGodAreYouStupid emotion. Yet it all quickly made room for a smile, or a laugh. He could definitely be laughing at you.

“I didn’t expect to need to teach an 18 year old how to get on a damn horse.”

There was no fire behind the words, but as they say, fight (fake) fire with (fake) fire.

“And I didn’t expect to end up here for the life of so I did not think horse riding would be a viable skill to know. So get your pretty ass in the saddle so I can.. mimic you or something.” You said making a hand gesture at Arthur’s horse.

He gave you one more smile as he turned to his horse, getting on slower than usual. He got on on the right side of his horse so he put his right foot in the styrup. He lifted his body up effortlessly and as elegant as a western outlaw could get. And there he was, in the saddle, in full western glory.

“Looks easy enough.” You said, an absolute lie as it turned out. The stirrups were way higher than expected, and the getting on could be called anything but elegant or the cool western movies you saw. Turns out your own body is heavy and there’s quite a lot on a horse to get stuck behind. But you ended up in the saddle, full western glory.

The rest of the riding lesson went about the same. Arthur did something really cool looking and whenever you did it it felt like you were some old slime blob.

“Squeeze your lower legs to get her to move, (Y/N)!”

“I am this horse is just broken- OHMYGOD SHe’s moving!”

“Never blame the horse for the rider's lack of skill, boy. Now steering.”

He explained it all to you. How to properly hold the reins and how to use them, how to do it with one hand and how to do it with two. Western and English style he called it. He taught you how to move your horse around and what not to do. The one and most important thing being to have no doubts and no fear. The horse will sense it.

It felt odd at first, to have control over another living being. It wasn’t easy no, Arthur had to tell you how to correct your posture every 5 minutes. But after a while of correcting everything you started to get confident. It started getting easier to steer. Every muscle of yours was getting tired but it was so worth it. Maybe one day you’ll look like an actual movie star.

Once you got the basics down you could go a bit harder. From a walk to a trot, a canter and even a little gallop. And as the wind brushed over your face blowing your hair away, it felt like something the 21st century didn’t have a lot of. Galloping through the grass hearing every step as more and more grass was thrown into the air. Arthur still giving you instructions on what to watch out for, riding by your side in case of emergency. And the horse, Wasp, god she deserved a cooler name. Her big strong muscles moving beneath you, her breath as she was running, the heat radiating from her skin, gods it felt so great. No modern bike or car could ever top this feeling of freedom.

Cars and bikes could however top the feeling of falling off. You lost control quite a few times, losing balance, a rearing horse throwing you right where you belong. But nothing modern could beat that feeling of getting on again. Of it working when you tried it for a second time. Hell, maybe the third time. Arthur was there to make sure you were okay, and you could have another go. And another. And just one more for good measure. Lying on the ground trying to see if this time you did break something wasn’t a strange thing after today. Hell it happened at least every hour. But determining it as fine and getting on again, it felt like a lot.

You didn’t even realize it was getting late until the sky started turning orange. The normally so bright sun started becoming more yellow and stopped burning at your eyes. Instead it just seemed pretty. The clouds became yellow just like the sun, and the sky turned a bit darker with every passing minute. Yellow and orange were happy colours, maybe this was an good omen, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t think you’d die somewhere in a ditch. Bee would be proud to see you haven’t given up. You knew that for once.

“Time isn’t a real thing Mister Morgan, I swear.” You said looking at the sunset.

“Call me Arthur.” Said Arthur Morgan, though guy in the west in dire need of respect. Arthur “You call me mister Morgan boy” Morgan.

“Wait, did someone hide weed somewhere because this must be a hallucination! Can I really call you Arthur?”

“Wouldn't have said it otherwise boy.” He hissed, the mister Morgan just wouldn't leave Arthur.

“Well, Arthur, thank you. I’m happy I only have to say half the syllables now.”

“Shoar thing. Now let’s go back to camp before they send out a search party to see if you haven’t broken anything today.” He said jokingly

“I would never! I am obviously the best horse rider in the entire United states!” You said sarcastically, if you fake confidence long enough, it might become real.

Arthur laughed at that. “Well see about that boy. Now let’s go, we should be there soon considering you can ride now.”

“Of course, good plan. I can show off my skills now!”

“Shoar, go ahead boy. Don’t make your entrance too dramatic.”

“I will, I absolutely will. Oh and Arthur?”

“Hm?” He said, quite relaxed actually.

“Thank you, for everything today. I’m happy you let me bother you today.” You said with a proud smile.

“You’re welcome boy. Bother me all you want, we ain’t getting rid of you just yet.” He said as he ruffled your hair a bit. “Now let’s go home, I’m realll hungry.”

You absolutely couldn’t hide the smile on your face. “Hell yeah, I’m starving.” You said as you kicked the stirrups making Wasp move, you rode to camp in the beautiful orange sky. Maybe he did actually care about you, just a little.

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

[felswritingfire]

I NEED TAKEMARU DAD HC, TADATOMO AND XOLOTLS WERE SO GOOD

SO, FIRST OF ALL: THANK YOU, DEAR ;0; I'M SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED THEM-

AND SECONDLY: Y'all- this has been fucking sitting as a WIP in my google docs for so fucking long- I have so many others too. Like, Claude, Zab, Jacob- ALL THE TEACHERS ARE IN THERE- Hakuman, Durga, Babylon- uuuuuuhhh, fuuuuckiiiiin' TANGAROA. HOMBRE'S IN THERE AND TETSU AND NOMAD-

FUck- I just, there's a lot fjsdlkjlskdjs

ANYWAY! Under the cut for length because this- ah,,,, this is a big boy-

THIS DUDE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR ALL HIS LIFE- HE’S SO READY TO START A FAMILY WITH YOU

You two planned this out- like, in depth have planned this out because first of all, the dude made it very clear, in the beginning of your relationship, that he was in it for the long haul and he wanted a family with you, like, a horde of children. But after he made your guys’ house and you two established yourselves first

Which, spoiler, you both did all that, so now it’s either baby making time or adoption time

You guys probably end up with a huge ass family, and I’m not joking when I say that, because five children is big. But you know what, that’s better than the 15 (especially if you have to birth that many- like, oof) he was trying to sell you on tbh

Like, shit- this man wore a suit and made a powerpoint to try and convince you why 15 was the golden number, to which you responded that you’d like to have a retirement one day. He couldn’t really fight you there

But your kiddos end up being an oldest girl and the rest boys- which he loves his girl so much, she tries her hardest to keep the boys in line

WHICH WORKS TO VARYING DEGREES TBH

She’s so soft spoken and shy and they’re all… rough and tumble little gremlins

Speaking of the babies, she’s probably older than the youngest by five years; the oldest boy is a year younger than her; the second oldest boy is two years younger than him; and from there, you had the third boy a year from the second and finally the fourth boy a year from the third- (I had to literally do math to make sure I was right on that jsl;kfdjdfslk)

ANYWAY

You’re guys’ baby girl??? Absolute angel, but she had a lot of anxiety as a baby so she had to be held by one of you guys or she would whimper and cry- not even a loud cry, but a heart broken one??? It just- UGH-

The first time Takemaru heard her whimper, he just about sobbed with her- it really didn’t help that she was trying to get out of the blanket she was swaddled in, so she was rocking back and forth on her back, so he could see her little fingers push and pull at the fabric- he forgot all about the bottle he was trying to make for her and picked her up and held her so close in his hands-

He was wide-eyed and terrified he was going to break her as he just held her, but he didn’t and her sniffles died down and she sighed against his neck (he really cried there- but you never heard that shhh)

Kurogane became the favorite uncle when he gave you guys a personalized baby carrier for a little get together to celebrate her birth (they have one for all of the babies too!)

You and Kuro just about jumped when Take wrapped his arms around the man in near tears

But then the title was revoked and presented to Heph instead because the man hand sewed this little stuffed pegasus, his fingers all bandaged and he had this nervous smile on his face as he handed it to your little girl, who LAUGHED AND MADE GRABBY HANDS FOR IT???? When I say that you’ve never seen Takemaru shove a man away and bring another one into a hug so fast (Heph looked fucking constipated as soon as the impact happened- you almost cackled at the pure offence on his face)- you mean it

Kurogane was sprawled on the floor staring blankly at the ceiling until you went up and asked him if he was alright; his reply was raising his fist and declaring “This is war!”

And thus, the story of how your baby girl ended up with a horde of plushies, that she refuses to get rid of to this day began

You have yet to tell them that her favorite uncle is actually Amatsumara- you guys can rest assured that he is the go to babysitter for her because she clings just as hard to him as she does to you guys (no, you two aren’t a little jealous, what makes you think that-)

When you’re first boy is born- you two are not prepared for the mass chaos that is held in his little body- he is an absolute gremlin

You don’t even know how- Takemaru blames you; you are offended

He’s such a needy baby and he cries constantly- and then he laughs when he knocks something out of one of your guys’ hands

You two love him to death- you swear

His sissy tries to help since you two keep her right next to you when your tending to your little boy- always giving her head pats or nodding along when she softly coo about something- but, there’s only so much a one year old can do to help

But she really tries her hardest

It’s easier for all three of you when the next boy comes along because he’s exactly like your oldest boy was and your girl has aged a little bit so she can do a tad bit more than when she was younger- not much, but still

Though your oldest boy brings his own bouts of problems to the table too because boy does he want to see how bouncy his brother is

You and Takemaru both dived to keep your oldest boy from using his little brother as a literal baby trampoline. Suffice to say, he got in trouble

By the time the last two are born/come in, you guys are basically baby experts- like, hot damn, you guys got everything lined up with zero hesitation and can read the boys like a damn book

You guys immediately know what they need/want without them even uttering a cry; your daughter has also picked up this skill and she takes care of the other two toddlers too, which helps you guys a whole bunch

Oh! Oh! You’re little girl really likes holding her baby brother- like, really likes to hold him and can hold him for hours on end

She’s very attached to him and Takemaru lives for it tbh

Though she loves all her brothers and her brothers all really love her too

When the boys are all toddler aged, they will literally work together to keep Takemaru from going to work by ganging up on him and clinging to his legs; little do they know is that their papa doesn’t have tree trunk legs for nothing- so he just walks, albeit with the funniest gait because of the four children clinging to both of his legs, and just goes about his morning until he gets to the door where he begins to pull them off with one hand and lift them up so he could plant a big ol’ kiss on their forehead and tell them that he loves them and he’ll see them when he gets home; the boys are all squealing in delight when this happens. You’re daughter will trail behind the fiasco while holding your hand and he’ll always hold open his arms for you and her to rush into his arms and hug him- and so he can also give you two forehead smooches uwu

When you guys need babysitters literally the Crafters are all for it, though Heph is a little nervous about it, but Talos is literally raring to go! He fucking loves kids!

Your girl loves Amatsu, as mentioned before; your oldest boy LOVES Musashi, they get into so much trouble together, though they both calmed down a bit after your little girl almost got hit in the head with a rock and Amatsu about hung them from their toes; your second and third oldest love watching Kurogane work, like, they will actively be asking him questions at rapid fire speed. It’s honestly amazing how he keeps up with their questions while he’s tinkering with whatever he project he’s working on this week; your youngest one is fascinated with Heph himself, he’ll always seek him out, usually hobbling to Talos and asking him if he could hang out with them and Talos is always quick to say yes. At first, Heph was really nervous about having him there but over time he started to get used to his presence (and this is technically his little brother right? He has to be nice to him!) and now he sits him on his lap so he can see what Heph is doing and he’ll even let him help with the smaller stuff in the project. It’s most likely gonna be with something harmless, like a little toy robot lion tbh

Sometimes they don’t want to give them back tbh

Takemaru almost threw hands with Musashi because he hid your oldest and refused to tell you guys where he was because “you aren’t taking away our little buddy, old chap!” Turns out you kiddo was just taking a nap inside of one of Musashi’s napping nooks-

By the time their tween years role around, the boys are bouncing off the walls and your little girl is trying so fucking hard to keep them under control

You swear you guys have white hairs from the boys specifically because your third oldest came

running in with his whole hand stuck in the pickle jar- you don’t even know how?????? Takemaru literally had to break it open because he couldn’t pull your kid’s damn hand out of the jar

Oml, puberty is a trip, especially when it happened to your oldest boy: you come into the living just to see your him sitting and staring at the fire in the fireplace, looking like he saw something horrific and so, like the good mama/papa/nano you are, you come and put a comforting hand on his shoulder and ask: “honey, what’s wrong?”

To which this little shit replies in the most distraught voice: “My balls look like moss balls.”

You sit, blinked, and had to let it sink in with what he meant, when you heard a horrified gasp from behind you and you turned to see your husband covering your daughter's ears. “WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS IN FRONT OF THE LADY/LADIES, YOUNG MAN.”

“BUT THEY DO, DAD! IT’S TERRIBLE- THEY’RE SO ITCHY-”

You had drowned out the conversation by that point and from the look on your daughters face- she has too

Your other three are much more… calm? About the whole ordeal; at the very least they’re not loud like their older brother is about it

Your daughter is the chillest with it, she reads a lot of books so she kinda pieced together what was happening of her own accord

The boys all cackle together when their voices crack and have made a whole game about who’s voice could crack the most

They all like to tinker with things thanks to Takemaru and the other Crafters influences! Your daughter is into intricate things, like limbs and the likes; your oldest son is into metal work, especially with swords; your second and third are both really interested in making little rockets; and your youngest is fascinated with robots because Talos and Orihime are so cool?????? Oml???

So you two got a horde of brainiacs and you’re so proud of them

By the time they’re in high school, your daughter is already wracking up scholarships for her little inventions and essays on her observations. Your boys are taking it a bit more slowly than their sister is, but that doesn’t meant that your oldest boy isn’t selling his metal works for a good price, and your two middle sons are already piecing together a little shop of their own (with dad’s help- Take’s pretty good with money and budgeting), and you’re youngest has really been brushing up on robotics! He studies under Uncle Heph and Uncle Talos and it’s super fucking cute??????

Heph is suprisingly good at teaching (despite him swearing that he’s not) and your little boy just soaks up the information like a fucking sponge.

One thing that they all do together is ask Takemaru how to build things and work with wood and carpentry- you can bet your ass he shows them all the ropes of how to make a home. He even goes over electrical and plumbing work with them. You have so many videos and pictures of them working together and just learning by Takemaru’s example- it makes your heart swell with happiness and love.

God forbid your daughter ever gets a significant other because they have Takemaru, her three brothers, and the entirety of the Crafters (and you if you're an overprotective parent) to watch out for.

They get five different shovel talks in a span of three minutes. But, ultimately, she’s not dumb with her choices in partners, so they’re most likely good people. And you can rest easy with that knowledge.

When they graduate, there’s tears for each of their graduations. Takemaru pulls them into bone crushing hugs and blubbers about how broad he is of them and how they’ll still always be his little Onis (regardless of if they’re actually Onis or not). Your girl straight up sobs and hugs her dad back, her brothers piling in the group hug, crying just as hard. Your oldest boy is in hysterics when he graduates, and your last two boys tackle their papa in a hug and they go tumbling to the ground laughing and crying.

They don’t leave right away after high school and instead, all of them find a college/trade school close enough for them to go to and fro without having to leave the nest yet- which Takemaru has no issue with, he’s very much a tight-knit family type of man.

Having a family with Takemaru is the most domestic and tooth rotting sweetness you can ever ask for. And, at the end of the day, he’s just so grateful that you were willing to go on this journey with him.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to support me consider donating to my Ko-fi!

[comfy-whumpee]

Father, Grandfather

As always, Izzy and Jamie Gallagher, and the implicit Savvie, belong to @ashintheairlikesnow.

@iaminamoodymoodtoday, @wildfaewhump, @ishouldblogmore, @lektric-whump, @that-one-thespian, @raigash, @burtlederp, @rosesareviolentlyread, @eatyourdamnpears

Alfie didn’t realise trials could be this long, but this is weeks on end. This is a holiday none of them asked for, days of sitting around and wandering the streets of America while his son dresses in his suit and goes to face down that woman, every day.

Alfie goes with him when he can, when Stewart or Hannah can come over to babysit. He tries to go at least once a week, if not more. But Jamie and Izzy need attention, in their own ways, and Alfie knows he is the second-best person for helping them feel secure.

He talks some to Jax’s lawyer, coordinating to help Jax survive the ordeal, but mostly, he hears about the day from what Jax manages to express between taking off his shoes and collapsing onto the Airbnb bed.

All Alfie can do is close the door for him.

-

“Lots of rehashing the old stuff,” he says, kneeling down to pick up Jamie in his arms. “Making sure the jury know the history. That whole story. Should be done by tomorrow.” He smiles at his son and kisses his forehead. “Now, how have you been, Jamie? Causing trouble?”

-

He’s carrying a McDonald’s bag. “Hey. I picked up dinner.” He takes it straight through to the living room, sitting down next to Izzy. “You want a milkshake, kiddo? I don’t think I can drink a whole one.”

“What happened today?” Alfie asks, while Izzy is fetching cups.

Jax doesn’t look up from the bag. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

-

“Daddy! We went to the park! It was so big and I saw a – a gabedo, and we had burgers.”

Jax stoops down to welcome Izzy’s hug, smiling at her excitement. The smile isn’t all there. Alfie lingers at the end of the hallway, watching, as Jax makes attentive noises and asks follow-up questions.

Alfie doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. Izzy notices herself. “Are you tired, Daddy? You can go rest.”

“No, I’m good. Thanks, kiddo.” Jax gently reroutes her from leading him to their room. “C’mon, tell me about these fountains.”

-

He lasts about half an hour before he has to put Jamie down. “Sorry, guys. I think I need a nap.”

Alfie gets up when he does, letting him move through the doorway first. He follows a step behind until they’re out of earshot. The bedroom has two single beds, and Jax shares with Izzy, who is quieter than Jamie could ever be. Jax turns, not lying down. Not while he isn’t alone.

He meets his father’s stare and says, “We talked about the nights.”

Alfie leaves him alone.

-

They sit in complete silence in the car.

Alfie knows that Jax hasn’t been there all day. Not since the video. Not since four-year-old Izzy perfectly recited her mother’s intonation and instructed the doll to get on his knees for discipline.

Alfie feels sick at the thought and he knows he’s gotten off lightly.

Jax didn’t know the video was coming.

Alfie knew. The lawyer told him something was coming that day and suggested that he be present in court to support Jax, to help him finish the day afterwards. It was, Alfie can see now, the big play. The most damning piece of evidence they could get. Not even so much because of the video, which is rightly horrific – no, Savvie’s lawyers are already trying to prove that Izzy was coached. But because of the reactions.

That was why they couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t warn him. That was why Alfie had to sit and do nothing as Jax’s heart was shattered by what was on that screen, to show the jury that he would break.

“You knew,” Jax said.

Alfie hadn’t replied, and it hadn’t mattered. Jax could tell. He had gone away stubborn and forthright and driven by his own feelings, and come back so good at analysing others. He knew Alfie had been prepared - though even a timestamped script couldn’t have prepared Alfie fully for the sight of Izzy bending the Daddy doll’s knees carefully to set him down, and for the realisation that Izzy knew more about what Jax had been through than even Alfie himself.

That evening, when they get back, Jax doesn’t say a word. The bedroom door shuts, and Alfie doesn’t see him until the morning.

-

“I had to think about some sad things today, to help,” Jax says, lying on his side, back against the bedroom wall. He holds Izzy in his arms. “They were hard to talk about. But I had to be brave and do it anyway, because it’s important to tell them everything that I saw so they can decide what should happen to Mommy.”

Alfie stands outside the door, head tipped back against the wall, listening.

“Are you in trouble with Mommy?” Izzy asks in her small, unobtrusive voice.

“No, kiddo. Mommy’s the person who is in trouble. Don’t worry. No discipline anymore, remember?”

A little-girl voice projecting out a deep, cracked scream that Alfie had recognised as his son’s. That was discipline to his granddaughter.

“Okay, Daddy,” she says, and he wondered if she believes it.

-

Alfie is there for the sentencing.

That callous fucking bitch gets life.

She screams and cries the whole way out, but then the doors close and she’s…gone.

Alfie gets up and goes to Jax, who stands staring at the door, eyes wide and face still, waiting for the anger to lead to pain.

Alfie knows not to touch him. He leans into a safe distance and said, “Time to go home, buddy.”

Jax flinches. He’s been doing that a lot recently. Wrung out too much with stress to hide it, he draws back or winces several times a day. His lips form numb words. “‘kay.”

Alfie hangs back as Jax steps out, and falls into line a moment behind. He keeps his voice calm and low as he lays out plans, something that always helps Jax feel grounded. “We’re going to go home and eat pasta dinner. The kids are there and safe, and you can have a nap. On Saturday we’ll fly home, but tomorrow, we can just rest.”

Jax walks with absent feet. He stares ahead of him without seeing.

“Is that alright? A day here just to rest?”

“O-Oh,” he looks over. “Uh, what about the – the kids?”

“They’re safe at home,” Alfie repeats. “I’ll take care of them.”

Jax hitches in an unsteady breath, and nods. He wraps his arms around himself. “T…Thanks, dad.”

-

Jax hunches in his jacket, bandanna around his neck to covers the scars. His eyes are distant, in the way Alfie remembers. But this time, he makes an effort to smile. Tired, dry, but there.

“We talked about – the, the nights.”

Alfie nods, stepping back to let Jax past without touching. “Did it help?”

A deep breath shudders from him. He is always like this after the retelling, setting everything out for the therapist so they can put the pieces back together, together.

“Yeah. It helped. You got the kids?”

“I’ve got the kids. Rest.”

Jax gives him a thumbs up as he flops onto his bed, and Alfie smiles as he closes the door.

[ladyanaconda]

Helluva Dad Vol. 5: Mom

Hey, guys! We'll start getting more info on Striker's wife and Jake's mother from here on out, though they'll mostly be tidbits. It might be a while before we fully learn what happened to her.

*HB*

The next morning, Jake awoke with a throbbing migraine. His body and joints were sore to the point he didn't want to move, but the acidic, bitter taste of vomit sent him on a beeline straight to the bathroom.

"Good, you're awake." His father was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. It's almost like he had been waiting for him.

"D-Dad…?" Jake threw up into the toilet again.

"You feel like shit, right? That's what happens when you drink a little too much."

"D-Drink..? What are you…?" Jake brought a hand to his head. "Ow, my head…"

"You and Moxxie got thrown inside a beer barrel during yesterday's job. Evidently, you two drank too much."

Jake shrank a bit. "Am I in trouble, dad?"

Striker's frown softened. After a moment of silence, he sighed. "Nah, it wasn't really yer fault this time 'round, pup." He watched as Jake threw up for the third time. "'Sides, I think the hangover is punishment enough. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Carefully, Striker undressed Jake and lifted him unto the warm bath he had previously prepared for this moment. Once Jake was fully clean and refreshed, Striker carried him back to his room to dress him in his pajamas and tuck him back in bed.

"Are you going to work, dad?"

"I'm leavin' ya alone in this condition, my boy. I took an absence for the weekend while you recover." Striker ruffled his son's hair. "Chill out, Blitzo and the others can survive without us for a few days."

Jake shivered. "I'm cold." Striker touched his forehead.

"Yer boiling hot, kiddo. You'll need lots of water to make up for the shit yer body is going through right now."

Striker left the room and returned sometime later with a tray, which he placed on the bedside table. Jake glanced sideways to see its contents: A cup of tea with a strong smell and a bowl of soup. Striker picked the cup and held it close to his son's lips.

"Drink." Jake took a small sip. His face scrunched up at the bitter taste.

"What's this?" He asked, sticking out his tongue.

"Ginger root tea. It ain't tasty, but it's good for hangovers."

It took Jake a considerable amount of willpower to actually drink the whole thing, forcing himself to swallow the bitter beverage despite the urge to spit it back into the cup. It left an awful bitter taste in his mouth, but his stomach had settled down somewhat and he wasn't as thirsty anymore. The soup, a plain and simple chicken broth, was more enjoyable. Jake couldn't help but feel like a baby, though. Dad would even tease him with the 'little plane' as he carefully gave him spoonfuls of soup.

"How're ya feelin', kiddo?" Striker once he was done with the meal.

"Tired and sore, but at least I'm not nauseous anymore."

Striker spent all morning dabbing Jake's forehead with a humid cloth to break the fever. Jake felt a little better by midday, though his head and body still ached. He didn't want to be stuck in bed all day, though.

"Dad, I'm bored," he complained.

"What are you complainin' about, boy? I'm doing all the work here." Striker said simply.

"Do I have to stay in bed all day? What if I want to pee?"

"Don't exaggerate, yer not disabled. But if you want to get better soon, you need to rest."

Jake shifted under the covers. "How long do hangovers last?"

"A day or so, dependin' on how much alcohol you consume and your age. In yer case, you should be as good as new by tomorrow if you rest properly."

With no other choice, Jake closed his eyes and did his best to fall asleep. Surprisingly, he managed to drift off after twenty minutes, in part because he was tired.

With Jake asleep for the time being, Striker took some time to himself and to do the chores around the house. The first thing he did was go to the closet near the doorway and open it; Blitzo, tied up and gagged, dropped out. The piece of cloth used to silence him slipped off his mouth.

"Come on, Striker! You didn't have to put me in there!" he protested.

"What did ya expect when I caught you about to sneak into my kid's room at three A.M. like a pedophile?" Striker murmured as he cut him free.

"I wasn't going to miss Jakey's first hangover! You only get to witness those moments once, you know."

"I'd thank you if you kept yer volume down, Jake is sleepin'."

Blitzo slipped a few envelopes from his pocket. "Oh, by the way, you got mail. Why didn't you tell me you got job offers? I.M.P. could get more clients!"

"Really? Now yer goin' to check my mail too?" Striker snatched all the envelopes from Blitzo's hands before he could pry any further. "Good thing I don't have a diary or you'd read it."

"Can you make one? Moxxie's diary is boring me and Loonie hid hers where I can't find it." Blitzo seemed to remember something. "If you'll excuse me, I have to change the bird's water!"

Striker didn't dignify Blitzo with a reply and instead focused on checking his mail. A few killing job offers, this month's light, and water fees, and… His heart skipped a beat as he recognized the seal on the envelope. Striker set the other envelopes aside for the time being and opened that letter.

"Ah, that's so much better!" Blitzo stepped out of the visitor's bathroom, a small piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. "Maybe I shouldn't drink that much lemonade next time…" He trailed off when he noticed Striker's expression had darkened. "Strike? Are you okay?"

"I need to go out. Keep an eye on Jake while I'm gone."

Striker didn't give Blitzo an explanation or time to protest as he picked up his jacket and hat and walked out the door, whistling for Bombproof to come for him. Wordlessly, he climbed unto the saddle, clicked his tongue, and rode away in a quick canter.

*HB*

Jake woke up to a purring sound right above him. Shifting a bit under the covers, he opened his eyes and found none other than Blitzo's face inches away from his.

"Hi, Blitz." the impling said simply.

"Any interesting dreams?"

"Not really. Where's dad?"

"He had to go out for some errand and asked me to look after you while he's gone. We're going to have so much fun!" Blitzo rubbed his hands together. "Do you have any horse movies?"

Jake sat up. "Running Free and Black Beauty."

"Which version?"

"1994."

Blitzo's eyes lit up. "I love that one! Let's watch it!" Jake didn't quite understand why Blitzo was so obsessed with horses, but he didn't really mind. He, too, loved horses ever since he could remember. From what dad said, he'd learned how to ride before he could even walk.

Jake felt more alert and less sore, so he could walk downstairs to the living room. Blitzo made some popcorn and they spent the next hour and a half watching Black Beauty. Blitzo cried a couple of times whenever a horse got hurt, but he completely lost it when Beauty saw Ginger's dead body being carried away.

"Why, Ginger?! Whyyy?!"

"Have you read the novel? It's got more content that wasn't put in the film." Jake pointed out.

"Black Beauty is a novel?"

"No way, you didn't know?!"

"Jakey, the only things I read are Moxxie's diary and the Hellquine magazine."

Time went by. Blitzo sniffed around the house until he came across an old photo album. To Jake's chagrin, it contained baby pictures of him.

"Aww, you were so cute! Who would have thought your old man could take decent photos? Oh, look, you're with Striker and Bombproof on this one!" Jake groaned, trying in vain to hide in the cushions. "Oh, shit, what a big dick you had!"

"Okay, that's enough humiliation for a day!"

Jake tried to pull the album away from Blitzo, cheeks red. They fought over the album until something slipped out and fell down to the floor. Blitzo picked it up.

"Hey, this one wasn't in any of the pages." Blitzo couldn't contain a wolf-whistle. "What a lovely lady!"

Curious, Jake leaned in to take a look at the photo: a tall woman with dark red skin and gold-green eyes sat on top of a fence, running a hand through her long black hair as it was blown back by the wind.

"Is this your mommy, Jakey?"

Jake pondered on it, eyes fixed on the photograph. He's never seen that woman before, be it in a photo or in person. He looked through the album but found no more pictures of the woman. If this was his mother, why are there no signs of her anywhere?

The door swung open at that moment. "Blitz, I'm home."

"Hey, Strike, who's this pretty lady?"

Jake felt a shiver down his spine as he saw his father stop in his tracks, face pale. He knew what was coming. The shock became anger. But it wasn't like those other times dad had grown mad at Blitzo; this time, there was a darkness in his eyes as he stomped towards Blitzo, tail rattling, and wordlessly snatched the photo from his grasp.

"Where did you find it?!" he shouted, making Blitzo realize he had unintentionally reopened an old wound.

"It slipped from that album…" he stuttered, pointing at the forgotten tome.

"Why can't you keep yer bloody nose away from my privacy, Blitzo?!"

"D-Dad, calm down, he didn't mean to-!"

"Stay out of this, boy!" Striker hissed, startling Jake into stepping back.

"Whoa, whoa, there's no need to yell at Jakey! It's me you're pissed at, remember?"

Striker clenched his fists. "Get out."

"Wait, what?"

"Get yer shitty ass out of my house!" Striker didn't even wait for Blitzo to reply; he simply pushed him towards and shoved him out of the door, slamming it shut; Striker panted heavily for breath as he leaned against it.

"Dad, that was uncalled for!" Jake quickly regretted having spoken when his father shot him a frown. The rings around his pupils were thick, another sign that he was pissed.

"How many times have I told you not to look through my things without permission?!" he growled.

"I was curious, dad…!"

"That's no excuse, boy! You wouldn't like me to go look into your own stuff, would you?!"

"B-But dad…"

"I don't want to hear it, boy." Striker pointed to the stairs. "Go to your room, I don't want to see you for the rest of the night!"

Jake was close to tears now. "Daddy…"

"NOW!"

Jake didn't dare to talk back to his father this time. He ran up the stairs and into his room, tears in his eyes. The impling climbed into his bed, hid under the blankets and cried himself to sleep.

*HB*

He hadn't meant to yell at Jake. It's not him he's mad at, but… Seeing her photo in Blitzo's grasp and hearing him ask so casually as if he'd done nothing wrong really pissed him off... That, plus the rather unpleasant encounter from earlier… Great, now he'd have to apologize to Blitz when things calm down.

Striker couldn't sleep that night. There were too many things on his head, and he had to think of what he'd do now that Jake had seen the photo. There's no way he can weasel out of it now, the boy was too smart for that. And deep down, Striker wanted to tell his son about the wonderful woman who was his mother, the woman that he'd…

Striker closed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to push the painful memory away.

He waited until the next morning until he was certain he had calm down to go upstairs to his son's room with a jam and peanut butter sandwich, Jake's favorite treat. Striker tentatively knocked on the door.

"Jake?"

There was no reply. Slowly, he opened the door and walked in. Jake was still on his bed, hidden under the covers. He had seen him shifting just before he peeked in, so he knew he wasn't really sleeping, but it was evident that Jake didn't want to talk to him either. Striker sat down on the edge of his son's bed, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"I… I brought you a sandwich in case you were hungry." He was met with silence again. "I know you're not really sleepin', kiddo." His suspicions were confirmed when Jake opened his eyes, but his back was still turned and he still did not speak. Sighing, Striker placed the place on the bedside table and ran a hand through his white locks. "Jake, I… I'm sorry for yellin' at you. I had a… complicated day and seein' that photo in Blitzo's grasp reopened an old wound, so I… I took it out on you."

"Who's that woman?" Jake asked curtly. Striker took a deep breath.

"...Her name was Jane. She's your mother."

Jake sat up on the bed this time. "That's mom?"

"Yes…" Striker slipped the photo out of his pocket, smiling forlornly as he stared at it. "She was a wild-spirited, passionate woman, my killin' partner, and the love of my life. We'd travel and take killin' jobs throughout the seven rings together."

Jake stared at the photo. The question that had been bugging him since Millie brought up the topic on Loo Loo Land left his lips. "What happened to her?"

Striker's smile vanished. That's the one, inevitable question that he didn't want to answer. But he had to tell him something, anything.

"...She got ill and passed away shortly after you were born," he told Jake. It's a half-truth, close enough to what actually caused her death. "You were just a baby, so it's normal for you to not remember her." Jake looked like he'd cry again at any moment now. Striker smiled sadly and wiped a lone tear trickling down his cheek. "But she left me the greatest gift she could give me: you, son."

Jake sniffled and threw himself into his father's embrace. "I wish I could have met her."

"She'd be proud of her little man, no doubt. You remind me of her quite a lot, my boy."

"Really?"

"You have her same spirit, the same fire in yer eyes, her determination." Striker smirked. "And her knack at gettin' in trouble, I may add."

"Hey!"

Striker laughed and pulled his son closer to playfully ruffle his hair. Sadly, the sweet moment was brought to an end as he caught a pair of yellow eyes peering through the window. With an annoyed grunt, Striker went to the window and tapped loudly on it, startling Blitzo into losing his balance and falling back with the stair.

*HB*

Blitzo should have started a stalking company, since he's so good at it XD-

Before I forget, I'd like to let you know that Helluva Dad has a TV tropes page now! Yaaay!

[little-kat07]

The Perfect Cake

[OH MY GOD GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!! 

A couple days ago, i suddenly remembered that I HAVE AN AO3 ACCOUNT. I completely forgot I had one. So I went back and looked at my works and holy hell guys, I had a ONESHOT BOOK! BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ONESHOTS WERE SO I CALLED THEM ‘Sanders Stories’, BECAUSE THEY WERE SANDERS SIDES. THEY’RE KIND OF CRAPPY BUT ALSO REALLY NOSTALGIC AND I’M SO HAPPY I FOUND THEM!!!!

This one particular one is called “The Perfect Cake,” and i’m actually kind of proud of past me for it, even though it’s not that good. It’s fluffy Logicality with a gallon of Patton angst because that is literally all I’m good at writing.

So I’m going to leave this here, as well as a link to the book! GUYS I’M JUST SO HAPPY!]

[In case you’re confused, the link I send will be to the whole book so the first chapter isn’t the one that I’m pasting here. This chapter, The Perfect Cake, is the second oneshot and the first one is prinxiety]

Link to book

---

Pairings: Logicality

TW: Baking, feelings of worthlessness, crying, birthday, breakdown

Summary: It’s Logan’s birthday tomorrow, and Patton is determined to bake the PERFECT cake for it (Even if he hasn’t baked that much before.) He’s trying his best, but he can’t do it alone.

---

Patton stood in the center of the kitchen.

He often had the same feeling in his stomach before he cooked something big; He had to mentally prepare himself for hours of work.

Logan's Birthday was tomorrow, and Patton had to make it the best possible birthday! This was the anniversary of the first day Thomas went to preschool- the day Logan was formed.

Patton remembered that day like it was yesterday. He remembered a small toddler with an intelligent sparkle in his eye knocking on the door of the commons, he remembered how he swore Patton's hugs might suffocate someone. He remembered growing up with him, and slowly falling in love, and-

Shoot. No. These emotions weren't logical, it was impossible for Logan to like Patton back. He had to stop thinking like that.

Illogical feelings or not, tomorrow was Logan's day to shine, and it had to be perfect. Patton had to bake the most amazing, most beautiful, most delicious cake ever to grace the Mind-scape.

Patton took a deep breath and got to work.

After a few hours, Patton had been worked to death. He had been trying and trying to make the perfect cake, but it was always just wrong, or the product of a mistake. His pink apron was wrinkled and dirty, and he had streaks of batter all over his face. He had started at 6 am, and it was now 8. He sighed and rubbed his face, grateful that he still had his optimism.

"Patton? You ok, Padre?"

Patton turned to find Roman standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes sparking with worry.

Patton smiled. "Oh, I'm alright, kiddo. Just trying to bake a cake for Logan. I can't seem to get it right."

Roman smirked and came in. "Want some help? I've never baked before, but I'll help if it's bothering you."

Patton grinned and gave the Prince a huge hug. "Thank you so much, kiddo! I'm sure you will be a great help!"

Oh, how wrong Patton had been.

Virgil had often joked about how Roman wouldn't stop singing to save his life, and Patton was pretty sure that was true. Every 5 minutes, just as they started to get some work done, the prince would start belting out lyrics to disney songs or dancing around the kitchen. They got as far as perfectly mixing the batter before Patton had to stop him.

"Look, kiddo..." Patton started, rubbing his hands together and trying to find a way to put this nicely. "You helped me make the perfect batter, and I am so proud of you for that, but I think maybe you should clock out? You have been a great help, but you... Um... Sing a lot." Patton winced, afraid Roman was going to be offended.

Roman nodded in understanding and put a hand on patton's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. I know I can be distracting. Do you want me to go see if Virgil will help you?"

Patton nodded, thankful. "That would be great!"

Roman left the kitchen yelling "HOT TOPIC! PAT WANTS YOU!"

Patton watched him go with a proud smile, and then turned to clean up the kitchen.

Just as he was halfway through cleaning, Virgil came into the kitchen with his hood up. "Sup', Pop star?"

Patton grinned and gave Virgil a big hug, which the emo reluctantly returned. "My dark, strange son! I am baking a cake for Logan’s birthday, and I need your help!" Patton pulled away from Virgil, smiling. "Roman already helped me make the batter, but he can be a bit much in the kitchen. Would you mind helping out for the rest of the process?"

Virgil shrugged. "I have nothing better to do."

Patton knew that that was Virgil's way of saying "I would love to."

Virgil was very helpful cleaning up the kitchen. He had a sort of efficient way of doing things, just one after the other, not saying a word. It was kind of satisfying to watch.

It got a bit hectic after that, though. Once they were done cleaning, they had to pour the batter into the pans. It was going to be a big cake, like, "Corpse Bride" big. So they had to use multiple pans and lots of batter. Virgil had violently shaky hands, and had lots of trouble pouring the batter in. In the end, Patton had to pour all the batter himself, and the kitchen ended up very messy.

Virgil's eyeshadow was darker than when he had initially come in. "I-im sorry... I didn't mean to mess up, I just-"

Patton smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. "No no, you didn't do anything wrong, kiddo! You just had a little trouble with steadying your hands. I'm very proud of you for helping me clean up, but maybe we should get someone else to help us here? Maybe Jan?"

Virgil smirked sadly. "I think maybe i'll duck out for now, but I'll tell Janus you want his help."

"Thanks, son!"

Virgil stepped out of the kitchen yelling "HEY SNAKE BOY!"

Patton sighed. This was not going the way he had wanted it to. He did realize that if Janus ended up being bad at this, his last choice was Remus, and he was terrified of going down that road.

He had just cleaned the batter from the stovetop when Janus walked into the kitchen. "Hey Pat, did you need something?"

Pat smiled tiredly. "Hey, Janjan. I was going to bake a cake for Logan, but i'm having some trouble. Roman and Virge weren't so good at it, so I wanted to see if you would help?"

Jan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm tooooootally not disappointed that you worked with Emo and Sir Singalot before you thought about the second smartest person here," He said sarcastically.

"Mm-hm!" Patton managed to say before taking a deep breath to control himself.

Janus helped Patton bake the cake and even out the tops with a bread knife. The next thing they had to do was spread the buttercream filling on the layers so they could be stacked.

Jan looked in the fridge like Patton told him to. "I don't see the buttercream."

Patton walked over and scanned the fridge. It was gone.

He took a few deep breaths and ran a hand through his hair. "Where the heck is it? If I have to make more, I swear I will-"

"Make more of what?" Remus poked his head into the kitchen curiously.

"The buttercream filling for Logan's cake is gone."

Remus cocked his head. "Buttercream? Hmmm... OH! Yeah, I ate that."

Patton's eyes widened. "You did WHAT?" Remus smiled fearfully while Patton yelled. "THE ONE THING YOU EAT THAT IS ACTUAL FOOD, AND IT HAS TO BE THE BUTTERCREAM?"

For once, Janus looked worried. "Patton, are you ok? You aren't acting like yourself..."

The dad side breathed in and out rapidly, his hands running through his hair. He tried to calm himself down- He was the happy side, not the angry side. He could get through this. "I'm fine. I'm calm. I can do this."

"Gee, I'm sorry, Pat," Said Remus. He suddenly grinned. "I can throw it up for you, if you want!"

"NO! No, no. I think we will be ok," Janus said, pushing Remus out of the room. He turned to face Pat. "Patpat, are you ok?"

Janus sometimes called Patton Patpat, mostly as payback for Patton calling him Janjan. But when the two became good friends, they used them as nicknames instead.

"I'm fine, Janjan. I'm just having some feelings. Feelings are okay though! I'm ok."

Janus sighed. "If you say so."

They worked together to make a new batch of buttercream, allowing the cake to cool. The original buttercream had been baby blue, but Patton had no more baby blue dye, so they used indigo instead. They layered and stacked the cake with the buttercream, used support sticks to keep the cake from falling over, and then started to layer it with dark blue fondant.

Patton looked over at Janus. "Would you mind taking off the gloves? Sorry, but this is very delicate and I think you should use your bare hands."

Janus frowned. "I shouldn't. I have scales on my left hand, if I use it, it will leave a scale imprint on the fondant."

Patton blinked sadly at him. "Oh, ok."

Patton handled the fondant, and as he fit it into place, he thought the cake looked beautiful. "Only one thing left to do: DECORATE!!!"

Patton was an amazing decorator.

After years of theming cookies and cupcakes to each side, baking birthday cakes, and writing messages in crofters jelly for a scavenger hunt, Patton had a handle on how to make things look presentable. Right now, It was a giant 3-layer cake with blue fondant covering, but soon, it would be a masterpiece.

Janus coughed uncomfortably behind Patton. "Um... Since i'm not very good at this stuff... Can I go? I have my own present I wanted to work on."

Patton smiled at him. "Sure! Don't spoil anything to Lolo, ok?"

Deceit nodded and almost left the kitchen before turning back and saying, "Uh, hey, Patpat? Don't stress yourself out too much, 'Kay?"

Patton nodded back. "Of course."

Janus smiled, relieved, and left.

---

---

Patton was SO TIRED.

It was 8 in the morning on Logan's Birthday. Patton had worked all night on that cake and when he had finally finished it, he went right to bed without doing anything in between. He had just woken up, feeling groggy and confused, but he made himself get out of bed because it was Logan's special day.

Logan woke up that day happy. He knew that a birthday was pointless, it was a celebration of one year passing in an entities life, it made no logical sense. But if the other sides wanted to shower him with attention once per fricking year, he did not want to miss this chance.

Patton got out of bed the last out of all the others. Logan had woken up to the other four sides, Janus, Remus, Roman, and Virgil ready for him in the living room with gifts and treats. Logan had thought that Patton would be the first there, energized and grinning, the way he always was. But Patton was nowhere in sight.

When Patton did come out, he put on his best happy face and gave Logan the biggest hug he could muster. Logan smiled a little. "To this day, I swear, your hugs might suffocate someone!"

Patton laughed and grinned at him, just happy he had gotten through yesterday.

First, they made breakfast. Jan made waffles with crofters jelly and eggs, and they all sat around the table reminiscing about the past. They talked about when logan first got his glasses, when he had a stutter, and everything else that Patton could remember. Which was everything, since Patton kept every memory stored in his room.

Next, they had gifts. Roman gave him a lab in the imagination; with chemistry sets, a telescope, and books upon books upon books. It was his own little area in Roman's realm so Logan could enjoy himself every now and then. Virgil gave him a dictionary of every word in the world, in every language. Janus gave him a replica of the Library of Alexandria, with all of the scrolls and books still there. "The original one was burned down with all of it's knowledge," he said, "So here is-" "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT THANK YOU!" Remus gave Logan an animal to dissect. But it wasn't a real animal, it was something Remus had made to give Logan something to do.

Patton promised Logan that his gift would come after dinner. He felt as though his cake paled in comparison to all of the gifts his friends had given. I mean, the Library of Alexandria? Patton sunk lower in his chair.

After gifts, they had lunch in a beautiful field that Roman had created, where the flies ate grass instead of your food, and every bird was adorned with beautiful shimmering colors and tail feathers. They had PB&J sandwiches (with crofters, of course), Goldfish, and apples. They talked for hours about nothing in particular, every now and then asking Roman about the creatures that walked by.

Logan was having a great time, but something seemed off. He looked around at the group and his eyes settled on Patton. The more he looked at him, the more tired he seemed. Logan noticed shadows under Patton's eyes for the first time, and saw that his smile was beginning to look more and more forced. Logan began to worry that one of them had done something wrong. The usual bundle of joy and energy that was Patton looked a lot more docile and tired than before.

Once it started to get dark (because Roman had set a day-night cycle in the imagination just so they would know when to go) they went back to the commons for dinner. Janus cooked some brown sugared ham with peas and rice, while Patton left to get the cake ready.

As Patton walked into the kitchen, he took a look at the cake on the pedestal. Dark fondant with baby blue frosting in swirls, and a little fondant necktie decoration on the second tear to tease about Logan's necktie. The name "Logan" was scribbled in white frosting on top.

He remembered the tall pillars in the Library of Alexandria Jan had made, he remembered the sparkling equipment Roman had conjured. He remembered the giant dictionary, the animal-

Patton looked at the cake and sighed. He honestly didn't know what he was thinking. But this was what he had done. He would just have to work with it, and maybe make up for it with a different gift later.

He picked up the large cake in his arms. It was very heavy, and there was one whole room between the kitchen and the dining room; the living area. Patton just had to bring it over.

He left the kitchen with the cake, and he was doing well with it considering he couldn't see his feet, and then he tripped.

...and then he tripped.

His foot caught against something on the ground and he stumbled, causing the cake to drop out of his arms and onto the floor. It fell sideways, and broke upon impact, and the cake broke up on the floor. Bits and pieces everywhere. Patton had fallen, and he had scraped his elbow, but he didn't care. He didn't care anymore.

He had spent a whole god-forsaken day trying to get this right. He remembered Roman's singing, Virgil's shaky hands, Remus's eating habits, Janus' scales, and he could feel himself sinking into the ground. He just wanted this to be perfect. Logan deserved something perfect.

The cake was broken, and the world was quiet, and Patton wondered for a moment if he had gone deaf. The Mindscape was silent. He felt the tears on his cheeks, but he didn't cry. Patton was the joyful and happy side, so he didn't cry. Water fell from his eyes in waterfalls and rivers across his skin, but he wasn't crying, that's not how he worked. Even when sobs racked his body and made his chest hurt. He wasn't crying.

It was just a god forsaken cake, why the heck was he crying? It was just a cake. It was just a cake.

Shoot, this isn't ABOUT THE CAKE.

Logan and all the other sides sat in the dining room, talking happily about whatever came to mind. Patton had left to get the cake, but he hadn't come back yet. Logan had eaten his dinner and was now staring at the door. He tried to focus on the conversation, but he thought Patton seemed a little late.

"Hey, Nerd, whatcha' looking at?" Roman asked, walking up behind his chair, bending down, and following Logan's line of sight.

Logan didn't turn his gaze from the door. "I feel like Pat should have been back by now. Actually, Roman, maybe you could check on him?"

Behind Logan's back, Roman and Virgil exchanged a glance, and Roman understood immediately.

"Actually, Lo, maybe you should go check on him? It is your cake after all."

Logan stood up from his chair and walked out of the dining room. "I suppose so."

Virgil snickered. "Oh my god, he is so oblivious. I ship them so badly..."

Logan walked out of the dining room and almost choked.

Patton was on the floor, with his hands in his face. Was he crying? Patton didn't cry. He was too happy to cry. He was too fricking perfect to cry. WHO THE HECK MADE PAT CRY?

Then logan saw the floor. The cake, he realized, was broken up and smashed to bits on the ground. The fondant was ripped apart, save for a small black fondant necktie. Patton must have dropped the cake. It looked like it had been big.

Logan didn't hesitate for a second. He kneeled down beside Patton, wrapping his arms around him and quietly letting him sob.

Patton felt someone's arms around him, and they had glasses, he knew, because the glasses were pressed against his temple. But that meant it was Logan. Logan was here, and he can see the cake, and he is probably so mad. Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and cried into his shoulder. He didn't like Logan to be angry. Hugs fixed that. Right?

"Pat? Patton, don't cry, what's wrong?"

Patton could barely find the breath to speak.

"I-I dropped it. The thing... I-I mess-Messed up... It's all g-gone..."

"Shhhh. Shhh, it's not your fault, don't worry. Patton, I love the cake. It's looks like it was beautiful, thank you."

Patton just kept sobbing, his glasses getting foggy. Logan knew the side was emotional, but really, it was just a cake, and Logan wasn't even mad at Patton. In fact, Logan didn't think he was capable of being mad at Patton.

Patton was sad about the cake. Of course, it was horribly destroyed, and he had spent a long, tiresome day making it perfect. And now it was all gone, and Patton had no gift to give.

To Pat, this was bigger than that though. Logan was supposed to have the perfect birthday, but Patton had messed all of that up. He had nothing to give logan. Every day of his life, his goal was to give something, to be helpful, and to care for others. He had messed up today.

"I-i don't know wh-what to do. I just... I just wanted-d to g-give you something. I-It's a-all gone n-now. Th-the d-day is ruined."

Logan frowned. What would someone with a better sense of emotions say? Seeing Patton like this made him so sad, what could he do?

He remembered something Pat had said to him a long time ago, when he was getting used to emotions. 'When someone is feeling down, speak from the heart! The best thing you can do is tell them the truth, and if they don't like it, then they have a right to feel a little sad. But you should still try!'

"Pat, I know you are sad. I understand that you wanted to make this a good day, but it WAS a good day. I enjoyed every moment of today. Sure, the cake is messed up, but it's the thought that counts, and you are already the best gift I could ask for."

Patton looked up in confusion. "Me?"

Logan was usually really bad at emotions, but right now, emotions seemed to be all he could muster. "You are so caring and joyful. And sweet. And kind. And I don't care about the cake, or any gift you give me, the fact that you are so set on making me feel cared for is enough. I'm just happy you're here, ok?"

Logan brushed a tear from Patton's eye and smiled. "I'm just happy you're here."

[the-record]

The City of Romance (Part 4)

Summary: On Spencer’s mandatory leave, he plans a trip to Paris, France where he meets an unforgettable face.

Part 4 summary: It’s Christmas!

Italics: Translation French to English. Bold: Song lyrics

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Non-BAU!Fem!Reader

A/N: Ahh yes the beloved fluff. There will be angst (as there is in any relationship) and some other things but we all know how much I love love. Like it’s sickening. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Check out my masterlist here!

“Spence! You ready?” 

At 6 months, Spencer asked you to move in with him. You spent a lot of time at his place already so you of course said yes. His place already kind of felt like yours so you had a natural routine down. Today was different. To most it was you average Friday. Last day of the week before the notorious and anticipated winter break. For you? For you, it was the day your class was going to meet Spencer. They had been begging you after seeing a polaroid of the two of you in your phone case. So, you asked him to come in and read to the class. 

“Yeah, one second!” You were putting on your coat and boots when Spencer came out. He was wearing the usual white button up and cardigan with dress pants and converse. The best part of that day’s outfit, was his tie. It was white with navy blue, to match the cardigan, silhouettes of dinosaurs on it. They were something your kids had an infatuation with. You giggled softly when you saw it.

“Nice tie. Boy genius is starting to seem like fitting nickname.” You winked at him before throwing his coat at him. He miraculously managed to catch it from across the room.

“Shut up. You’re literally wearing a 1950′s style Christmas dress with mistletoe in your ponytail.” You gaped at him and scoffed.

“It’s for teaching!” He raised his eyebrows. “The kids love history and I thought this would be perfect. My lesson plan has us teaching them about Christmas throughout the decades.” You took out the small plant from your hair and held it over the both of your heads. “And this... This is for you.” You leaned into him, on your tiptoes, placing a kiss on his lips before pulling away and putting the branch into your hair again. You gripped his hand in yours. “Now, come one before I am late.”

He followed your lead, walking behind you out of the apartment before heading to school on the metro. School was never kind to him, but if you were there everything would be okay. You were practically buzzing from excitement. Like his team was his family, these kids started to feel like yours. You couldn’t tell them things that you could tell adults, but they were the most understanding people in the world and you would do absolutely anything for them. When you arrived outside the school, hand in hand with Spencer, her thought you might just run all the way down and speed up time so the children got there quicker. If you could do that, you would’ve. Instead you walked with Spencer and prepped the room for teaching. You set out cards for every kid and set up the party later today. You printed and got worksheets prepared while Spencer chose what he was going to read. Finally the day was set and ready and the kids were set to arrive soon. Spencer sat in the back reading so he didn’t disturb the usual morning routine.

Kids began to line up at the door where you stood. “Good morning class! I know we are so excited about our guest and the party today but we still have lots of learning to do!” You called out, standing in front of the line. “At each of your spots is your morning work along with a coloring page for when you finish. Hang up your coats and bag and do those while we wait for all of our friends to arrive!” You walked inside the classroom with little boys and girls following you in. You sat in the front, correcting if a child ran or didn’t put away their stuff the right way. Spencer watched in awe as you interacted with every single human in the room. He watched as you helped kids with the math or reading they had been assigned.

“Ms. Y/L/N?” You looked up from the paper you were looking at to the voice you heard. It was a little girl named Charlotte. 

“Yes Charlotte?” You made eye contact with the small girl, something you had established was good for making conversations.

“Is that your prince in the back of the room?” Your face flushed as a smile made it’s way on your face. The same giggle from this morning erupted from your lips.

“Yes sweetheart. That is my prince.” You winked at Spencer from the front of the room. “Okay kiddos, today is very exciting. Last day of school before winter break and a party! However, we have lots of learning to do. That starts with fixing our calendar!” 

The day went smoothly and everything was fun and exciting for the kids. You were so grateful for Spencer being there because if it wasn’t for him, you would have never even made it to lunch time. 

“Alright, when the kids get back we have social studies, then story time, and wrap up the day with the party. You my good prince, are going to be helping Ms. Y/L/N the rest of the day.” You told him. He and you had stayed in the classroom to eat pizza the secretary had ordered for all teachers.

“Okay, I have to ask. Why am I the prince?” You smiled and covered your full mouth with your hand before telling him the story.

“The girl ran down the stairs, leaving only a glass slipper. She had to get out before the clock struck midnight.” Your phone buzzed in your jean pocket. It was Spencer. He never called you in the day and he was supposed to be on a case right now. You sat the book down making sure not to lose the page. “Sorry kiddos. Everyone stay here and chat while I take this.” You left the gabbing children to answer the call in the hallway. “Spencer? Are you ok?”

“Hey, yeah I’m okay. We got the unsub and I’m heading home early...” He trailed off. 

“What’re you not telling me?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just- I wanted to check on you. Something really big happened today and I can’t explain it but I just needed to know you were okay.” You smiled.

“I’m okay.” You peered back into your classroom. “School is almost done, I have to get back but I’ll see you when you at home, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go teach some kids for me. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You hung up the phone and walked back in, still checking your phone.

“Ms. Y/L/N? Who is that in the picture with you on your phone?” You scrunched your eyebrows together, flipping the rectangle in your hand to look at the back. Your face relaxed when you saw the picture of you and him. Penelope had taken it when you were dancing with him to You Belong with Me in David’s backyard.

“That’s... That’s my bestfriend.” You spoke in a hushed tone.

“Is he your prince?” You let out a laugh through your nose.

“Yes. Yes, he is my prince.”

“Wow. That is adorable and now I have a favorite kid.” You smiled and looked at the time. The kids would be getting back in a minute so the both of you quickly cleaned up. You sat for a moment, nursing a Dr. Pepper while you waited for the sound of tiny feet rushing to the door. When you did you quickly stood up to open the door. The people outside the door quickly filled the room as you got ready to teach. 

“Was your guys’ lunch good?” There were yeses around the room. “Well that is absolutely magnificent.” You turned to the front of the room to start teaching. “Should we get started on social studies now?”

“Alrighty ighty, that is all we have left today. Who knows what time it is?” Every kid from every table raised their hand in excitement. “Dominic.”

“Story time!” You smiled.

“That’s right! Now i want everyone to welcome our guest!” You grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled him to the front of the classroom. He sat down in the chair you had pulled up. “This is my very good friend Mr. Reid. And Mr. Reid does really good story time voices so I need you all to listen,” You pointed to your ears with both hands. “Watch,” Your fingers moved to point at your eyes. “And think,” You moved your hands one last time to point at your head. “About the the story!” You winked at Spencer, signaling for him to get started.

“Hey kids!” There was an abundance of hellos and heys from around the room. “My name is Mr. Reid but you can call me Spencer. Today we are reading one of my all time favorite books!” He pulled out a book from behind his back. It was one that your father gave you many many years ago. “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” He opened the book and began to read. “Every Who down in Who-Ville like Christmas a lot. But the Grinch who lived just north of Who-Ville did not!” Each voice differed from the other. His Grinch voice was hearty and deep making the children giggle, while his Who voice was higher and peppy. You sat next to the children, watching in awe just as they did. You didn’t look away not for a second. You didn’t have to. They were all entranced by his magical voices. No one talked and no one dared to move. The story was too compelling.

“And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light, and brought back the toys! And the food for the feast! And he... He himself! The Grinch carved the roast beef.” He closed the book, soaking in the claps and whoops from the children. From you... 

“Well Spencer that was absolutely fantastic! Do you guys agree?” Claps and screams floated around the room, bouncing off the walls to his ears. “Alright settle down, settle down. I know we are all very excited about the amazing story we just heard but we must get ready for our party!” You walked to front of the room and flicked on the lights that were off. “Okie dokie. I need everyone, when I say go, to walk to their cubbies and grab their coats and bags. Then I want everyone to walk back to their seats and place their belongings on the back of their chair before walking to get in line. I want no talking until we get in line so we can hurry and get down to the gym for the party! Ça sonne bien?” “Sound good?”

“Sounds good!” They all announced loudly.

“Alrighty, go!” They all rushed to stand up but walked careful around, packing up their bags and coats. “Your voices really are fantastic Mr. Reid. I think I might need you to come and read more often.” He blushed at your words.

“Well thank you Ms. Y/L/N. If we weren’t standing in a room filled with kindergarteners right now, I would totally kiss you.” You giggled and look down at your hands trying to hide the blush rising to your cheeks. “They really adore you ya’ know.”

“Not as much as they adore you Spence. I’ve never seen them so interested in a book before.” You looked around to see the little humans were all in line staring at you in silence. “Well...” You cleared your throat. “I heard that moms and dads are setting up right now, so I want everyone to be quiet and walk down the hallway single file. Can you do that for me?” They all nodded and you started walking down with them behind you to the gym. “Everyone go in and listen to Mrs. Jenkins so she can tell you what to do! I’ll be down to take outside for dismissal in a little! Be good for Mrs. Jenkins!” They all walked in their quickly leaving you and Spencer in the hallway. You grabbed his hand and pulled him back to your classroom. “Come on, I have something I want to show you.” You and him ran down the hallway to your room where you shut the door and walked to your desk. You pulled out a box wrapped in brown wrapping paper. You held it out. “Open it.”

He took the box carefully and slowly undid it. He opened the large purple box under the wrapping to the reveal a picture frame. It had a picture of you and him. It was from one of the dinners you went to. You had asked the waitress to take a photo while he wasn’t looking. You and him were laughing about something. 

“Turn it over.” He did just that to see a note from you and the lyrics to You Belong with Me.  As he read it you saw his eyes fill with tears. He set it down gently, careful not to break it before pulling you into a sweet kiss. 

“Thank you Y/N/N. I love it, so so much.” You smiled. “I love you, so so much.”

“I love you too.” Your arms fell around your torso and his around your shoulders in a hug. He kissed your head before resting his chin on the same spot. You could stay this way for the rest of your life.

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You were woken up by the sun peeking through the blinds. You were cuddled up next to Spencer’s half clothed body. He was combing through your hair with his fingers. 

“Mmm, good morning prince.” Your voice was thick with sleep.

“Good morning princess. Merry Christmas eve.” You smiled realizing what day it was.

“Merry Christmas eve.” You pulled yourself closer to him. “When did you get back last night?”

“Very late. I didn’t wanna wake you so I just got in bed and you cuddled close to me. I figured that would do until I saw you in the morning.” You chuckled lowly on his chest.

“I’m glad you’re back. I was nervous you would miss Christmas.” He placed a kiss on your head.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world sweet girl. I wouldn’t even dream of it.” You pulled the sheets higher up to keep warm. “You excited for dinner tonight?” Your heart dropped when you remembered. You didn’t answer. Instead, you looked at your hands which were drawing shapes on Spencer’s stomach. “Baby? What’s wrong?”

“My dad. It’s my second Christmas without him. These dinner’s were his idea.” A  lone tear rolled down your cheek and onto Spencer.

“Oh baby. I’m sorry. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it gets better. I mean I speak from experience. I know our situations are a little different, but my dad may as well be dead. We don’t have to go if you don’t want either. I can only imagine how hard this all is for you.” You shook your head.

“I have to go. It’s to honor him really. Thank you.” He nodded and pressed another kiss on your head before getting up. “Prince, what are you doing?” He grabbed your hands and pulled you up.

“I am taking my amazing, beautiful, sweet, kind, fantastic girlfriend to our kitchen to make her coffee and breakfast.” You smiled and leaned into him.

“You might have to carry me.” So he did just that. He picked you up and carried you to the kitchen, placing you on the cold counter tops. “Jesus christ!” He looked at you with concern in his eyes.

“What?”

“I’m in a shirt and my underwear. This counter is fucking freezing.” He smiled and shook his head.

“Just sit still and look pretty while I make you coffee.” You rolled your eyes and put your hands under your thighs to try and keep them off the cold slab of rock. Not much later Spencer handed you a sweet cup of coffee. You had grown to like his overly sweetened coffee and now requested it. You sipped on the mug as Spencer rubbed his hands over your legs. They inched closer and closer to the inside of your thighs. You set down the mug and took his hands in yours.

“Baby.” He whined at your actions and snuck his hands out from yours, getting back to what he was doing. “I’m gonna be late to set up if you don’t quit it.” He smiled even more.

“You better call Rossi, and don’t even think about making a noise.”

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“I am going to kill you Spencer Reid! We are so late right now!” You ran around the bathroom putting in jewelry. 

“That’s not what you said earlier!” You reminded you.

“Well earlier I was happy and now I am stressed because we are going to be late! Are you ready?” You looked from the bathroom doorway to see him sitting on the bed, completely ready.

“Waiting on you princess.”

“Save it.” You grabbed the presents from beside your bed. “Let’s go.” 

The door opened to a very cheery Penelope. “Y/N! Oh my goodness you look absolutely gorgeous! Wow, you are just-”

“Penelope, let them in it’s cold outside.” You silently thanked JJ.

“Yes, sorry.” She opened the door to let the both of you inside. He took your coat to hang up while you went in to see your friends.

“JJ!” The girl pulled you into a hug. “I missed you.” She pulled away.

“I missed you too. I think your uncle did too.” 

“Oh shit.” Your hand quickly covered your gaping mouth. “Something... let’s just go with something came up.” You felt an arm around your waist. 

“Something most definitely came up.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hey pretty boy finally decided to show up. Y/N, how are you?” 

“Very tired and ready to go to sleep. How are you D?”

“I could say the same. However none of us will ever say no to a meal from Rossi.”

“You can say that again!” You turned to see Penelope now in the living room reaching out a glass of wine to you. You graciously accepted.

“Thanks Pen. Speaking of, where is David?” You looked around the room and didn’t see him. “And Aaron?”

“I don’t actually know. Now, come on we have been waiting on your both to start eating and I am sure the boys are getting antsy.” You held Spencer’s hand as you walked into the dining room. 

“Y/N!” You looked to see both little boys running at you. You didn’t even have a chance to know what was happening before they pummeled into you. You ended up falling backwards right onto your ass thanks to your decision to wear heels. 

“Boys!” JJ quickly came and swept them up. “Y/N I am so sorry about that. Are you ok?” She reached out a hand to help you up while Spencer gripped your arm for extra support. They both helped you up and back to your feet.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You smoothed out your dress. “I’m going to go get David and Aaron. I can only assume they are in his office talking about work.”

“Wait!” You turned to see Spencer grabbing your wrist. “I got it, go sit down.”

“Spence, I got it.”

“No, Y/N really. Let me.” He bit the inside of his cheek, a nervous habit.

“What is going on, why are you being so weird?” You folded your arms in front of your chest.

“Baby it’s nothing, just let me. Please.”

“Fine. Whatever, I’m gonna go sit then I guess.” You walked away without another word. The team could read you like a book. You were annoyed. Bothered. Upset. Confused even. 

“Pretty girl, you ok?” You didn’t even look up to talk to Derek while you sat down.

“Fine.” You took a sip of your wine. “Why is Spencer being so weird? Like why couldn’t I just go get them? I mean David is my uncle not his. What is up with him? Was it me? Did I do something wrong?” You dropped your head into your hands. “Does he really just want to get away from me for a moment? Am I just overbearing?”

“Y/N.” You looked up at Emily. “He’s fine. Just... just trust us okay?” She could see you were still concerned but you agreed.

“Yeah. yeah, okay.” You took a large swig of wine and quickly refilled the glass. 

You were awkward and cautious the rest of the night. You made sure not to be touchy, not to bring much up, not to talk to much really. You just tried to be in the background. This didn’t go unnoticed. Everyone noted how you would almost touch Spencer but pull yourself back. Or how you would open your mouth but close just as quickly as you opened it. They all noticed how closed off you became. Especially Spencer. He knew why but he wasn’t ready just yet. He had to go get the present from Rossi who had ordered it for him because he wasn’t very tech savvy. 

“Present time!” Garcia announced. They had thought about just doing secret Santa, but you and Penelope had insisted on buying everyone gifts so you all had decided to just do presents. You all passed them around. JJ and her family were the first to open. Then Penelope, Derek, Emily, Rossi, Hotch and Jack, Spencer, and finally it was your turn.

The Jareau-LaMontagne’s had gotten you a blanket and spa day kit. They knew how kids were, having one, and thought that you might need something about having to be around them for hours 5 days a week. Penelope got you stuff for teaching. Derek got you a gift card for your favorite store. Emily got a necklace you had told her about months before. David got you lots of candles and your favorite snacks. Aaron got you and Spencer some useful household things. Spencer got you a cardigan to match one of your favorites of his.

“Thank you guys, I really loved it all.” You smiled at all of your friends.

“Actually, I have one more thing for you.” You turned to look at Spencer with scrunched eyebrows. He pulled out a small black box and you thought you might throw up. “Don’t worry. It’s not what you think, I’m not proposing.” You let out a breath of relief. He opened the small box to reveal 2 rings. One was a thicker ring with the cut out of a dinosaur and the other, a dainty ring with the dinosaur cut out attached. Your eyes welled up with tears. 

“Baby...” He the smaller one out and placed it on your left ring finger.

“It’s a promise ring. A promise of my love for you.” You pulled him in for a kiss not even caring for the audience around you. When you pulled away you buried  your face in his neck and hugged him as he pulled you into his lap. “I love you sweet girl. Don’t forget it.” All of your worries floated away as he said those words. He loved you and that is all you ever needed.

[shigarakis-fifth-hand]

Shigaraki x Reader Request

Anonymous:

So I love your writing and I'm not sure if you've already done it before but I just wanted to ask if you could maybe do a shig x F! Reader scenario where she is on an important call, but Shiggy's all horny and starts feeling her up, maybe even goes as far as actually stuffing her, but she can't put the phone down cause it's a very important call with a very important client or smth like that heh I'm sorry the thirst for the crusty boy is so real rn 😩

Shigaraki Tomura, one of the greatest known villains of all time. It wasn’t that he was extremely powerful, or intelligent, but he had enough common sense to assemble some of the more... interesting people to join his League and make it as powerful as it was today. You though, you were the best out of all of them. 

Your quirk was simple, you simply couldn’t get hurt. Like your classmate Kirishima Eijiro, your skin was your weapon. But unlike him, the effects of your quirk never went away. Simply, you couldn’t be cut, scratched, or punched. You felt no pain in the areas where you focused your quirk, and your skin couldn’t be destroyed. 

Sure, you were a lot like Kirishima, including your bubbly personality and need to always improve your strength, but you had a big secret. You were the fiancé to Tomura Shigaraki, or Tenko Shigaraki he had eventually told you. You remembered the day he had proposed to you. It was when he got back from fighting UA at the Summer Camp. 

He had “kidnapped you” just so he could get you alone for a few days, and ended up having you run away and act like you had “escaped”. During those days, he was more romantic, sweet, and loving than usual. Tenko loved pda, and refused to let you get up from the couch for days at a time. 

When the heroes were close, he gave you the ring, which you put a string on and put it on your neck to be hidden by your shirt, and then ran out into the road, pretending to be passed out for the heroes to find you. 

Lucky for you, it was Summer Break, and you were allowed to spend all the time with Shiggy that you wanted without the hassle of trying to keep such a secret. You also spent that time doing hero work, hanging out with your friendly classmates, and of course arranging things with your mentor Fat Gum, and your two best friends/ partners Tamaki and Kiri.

At the moment, it was noon on a Saturday, and you were sitting in the League’s living room watching tv, waiting for a call from Fat Gum to talk about starting working with Kiri and Tamaki during the week. Even though Fat Gum thought of you like his daughter, he was a big deal to you still, and this phone call meant a lot to you even though a lot wasn’t on the line.

Plus it was perfect for the call, with the League out on a mission, and you alone with the entire place quiet. Shiggy would be back tonight for a dinner date, and today would go smoothly. As you thought about your sweet boyfriend and hoped that he was okay, your phone began to ring. Picking it up, you heard the friendly voice of your mentor.

“Ahh, Y/n! Great being able to talk to you! We have Kirishima and Tamaki on the call as well!” Fat gum exclaimed joyfully as you heard greetings from your two guy besties. “Hey Y/n!” They called out in sync, Tamaki’s voice barely hearable. “Hey guys, I-” You stopped, hearing the sounds of the door becoming unlocked. What? They weren’t supposed to be home for another few hours!!

You got off the couch and ran upstairs to the room that you and Shiggy shared, closing it and sitting against it angrily. “Y/n, you good?” Fat gum asked as you responded with a happy hum, doing your best to be discreet as you heard your name being murmured around the League’s apartment. What that Shigaraki??? Oh no no no...

“Good, now here’s what I’m thinking...” As Fat Gum began trailing on and on, you opened the door to see a tired, worn-out Shigaraki. Feeling your heart be filled with pity, you signaled that you were on the phone, opened the door, and let him in. He walked towards you, pressed himself against your small frame, and kissed your forehead. “Aww, rough day baby?” 

You asked, cupping his face in your soft hands as he nodded, pulling you close to hug. He began to rest his chin on your head as you continued the call. “I’m free all day, but on Wednesday I won’t be able to go to Sakura Street because I need to take my sister to her swim practice.” Kirishima explained as you piped in, trying to catch up in the conversation. 

“I can do it for you!” You exclaimed, before Shigaraki began kissing your neck tenderly, letting his hands grip your ass and waist tightly like he usually did. “What t-time do you need?” You tried not to stutter as he pushed your body against him, letting his knee rub against your entrance like he did when he was horny for you. Oh god... not now Shiggy baby.

“Awesome! I just need you to cover Sakura street between three and four pm. Could you do that? You just need to walk down, and check that one alleyway that we were talking about because...” As Kirishima rambled on, Shigaraki kissed your lips passionately, beginning to push you up against the bed and bend you over slowly.

Biting your lip and mumbling any sounds you could make, you brought the phone back to your ear and listened as the boys talked. “Well I’m not busy then so I can take your shift Y/n. What are you doing 3 to 4?” Tamaki asked, as Shigaraki began to remove your pants. Shaking, you felt his hot breath on your body as you tried to carry on a conversation.

“Um, yea Tamaki...” Both of your shirts were now off, “Three to four?” Shigaraki slipped down his pants, revealing his boxer and large erection poking through, “I’m going to be... um...” Shigaraki slipped your panties down, and began fingering you, causing you to lose all control of your legs as you wrapped your legs around his torso to hold you up. 

“I’m going to be patrolling the Green Bridge area, n-near the baseball stadium. Just on those three streets, and then I was planning on stopping by Deku’s mom’s place to move some of her furniture. Shigaraki smirked at you, rolling his eyes and beginning to move his boxers down to reveal his large cock, throbbing for you.

Swallowing nervously, you tried so hard to focus on the call as your fiancé moved you, positioning you and getting ready to stuff you full of him. “Okay! Sounds good kiddos!” You sighed happily at Fat Gum’s comment, hoping that this call would end so you could focus on Shiggy who was seconds away from fucking you senseless.

“So Tamaki, tell me about your weekend.” Kirishima exclaimed as Tamaki began speaking, endlessly mumbling about his plans and how excited he was to see you and Kiri. Before you could mentally prepare, Shiggy shoved his cock into you, letting you scream out in pain and such amazing pleasure. It was amazing, feeling your walls wrap around him and throb with him.

“Y/n?! Are you okay?!” Kirishima asked, letting you know that you had probably frightened the three guys on the other ends. “Oh! Yea! I just... saw a... bug!” Between breaths, Shigaraki pumped himself into you, one hand around your neck tightly, and the other around your waist. 

“Oh, what did it look like?” Tamaki asked, and at that moment, you wanted to kill your best friend for making conversation. “It’s... big... and fuzzy. I’m going to go... kill it!” You squeezed the sheets beneath you, silently gasping as Shigaraki pounded into you, overstimulating you to the ends of the Earth, which you both loved.

“Love you guys! I’ll text you guys tonight in the group chat... when I’m... done! Bye!” Without hearing their responses, you hung up the call and threw your phone to the other side of the wall angrily. Shigaraki smashed his lips to yours as he pulled out, laying you on the bed, and climbing over you. “Good girl... such a good girl. You’re able to be a good hero, and still please the worst villain.” He bent down and kissed your forehead again, before beginning to just lay on you.

You ran your fingers through his curly hair as he rested his head against your plump chest, breathing slowly and trying to calm him down. “So... what happened?” You asked sweetly, almost swearing that he began purring. “Dabi had to save me from almost getting shot in the face.” You looked down at your boyfriend, your eyes wide and fearful.

The guy was behind me, and was about to shoot before Dabi burned him and made him miss. If Dabi wouldn’t have been there, he would have hit me right in the skull.” Shigaraki explained as you began giving him a scalp massage, causing him to move his head and close his eyes peacefully. Your touch always made him feel better, if not 100% happy again. 

“I just... needed to feel your touch. If I die, I know my last thought is going to be of you.” Shigaraki confessed, sitting up and looking at you, his lips parted. Here he was, pouring his feelings out, something that he never did. “I... I love you so much Y/n.” Shigaraki leaned in, sitting you on his lap and beginning to kiss you, intertwining four of his fingers with yours. “I love you too Baby.” 

Hun, I totally understand your thirst. Shiggy makes all my daddy issues come true in one microsecond. For a good month he was all that I could think about!! <333

[kamari3]

I have a question about Underlust(main story not fanart), and was redirected here by Alaina. What exactly sort of content does it contain that makes it 18+? Because even saying 'sexual stuff' or 'NSFW' covers a big range, I feel. I don't really like a lot of that sort of sex stuff but I have absolutely enjoyed stories containing it before, I know how to skim and self-moderate to some degree if the story is worth it to me. BUT, that's a lot harder for me with images than with just text. Thoughts?

hahaha oh gosh i usually get questions like this on my art/ask blog @kamari333 !! gonna feel weird seeing this level of undertale coming from me over here XD ok so lets look at underlust

please forgive the sloppy typing i'm on my phone (as per usual)

edited to add a readmore-

underlust was made by @nsfwshamecave years ago, back when they, Niel, was using that blog for the sake of freedom of sexual and self expression. that was their horny on main blog. so, reason #1 that underlust is NSFW is because the creator of it was primarily NSFW and asked us to treat it that way so kiddos didnt end up crawling all over her lewds

reason number two is that Niel made a lot of lewd content using Underlust. a lot. it was super great. just- just the absolute motherload of undertale themed smut. (god i miss them). they shipped sansby, they shipped papdyne, they ESPECIALLY SHIPPED PAPYTON and in my opinion underlust is the BEST papyton ever! they shipped OCs and they shipped papcest and sanscest and occasionally fontcest but not as much and it was just- All The Ship Must Sail ok? ships everywhere and ships shipped with a cargo full of 5-star lewds

now we get into the meat of Underlust: the story. Niel never managed to write the full thing before they quit the fandom for personal reasons, and what they did write was out of order and fragmented between asks and disorderly posts, so i'll do my best to kind of sum it all up chronologically... Please keep in mind there may be some stuff in here that could upset you so i'll try to put tags for trigger warnings i think of as i go

Toriel and Asgore are about to have a kid, but the moment they are born, the child dusts. its implied its a miscarriage. In one ask, where someone asked Toriel about Asriel, all Toriel could answer with was "Who?" because she never even had the kid long enough to give them a name. So Uh. That kind of heavy content isn't necessary safe for kids.

The kiddo's dust somehow gets onto a rose that grows underground and thats how Rosie the Rose comes into existence.

At some point, a fully adult Chara falls and shows off a lot of horny on main energy. they are a huge sadist. I will say I am uncertain about the specifics of their canonical relationship with the dreemurrs.

Gaster studied the traits in Chara's soul, trying to make something to help with all the not-making-baby syndrome going on among the monsters (which, my phrasing aside, was pretty serious for a population of creatures with dwindling numbers). He tested on himself and his two sons, but only ended up putting them in a constant state of heat. thats LUST. Niel never went too deep into the lore of what exactly LUST is, so I have my own personal headcanons quietly on my side of the fandom haha.

Eventually everyone of adult age got the LUST. So now just about everyone in the underground, save the few kids, have horny on main syndrome. it doesnt actually help with the baby making though.

So there is another reason underlust is NSFW: constant heat, and human experimentation.

Fast forward and then the most fleshed out part of Underlust happens: The Events of the Papyton comic. You can still find these floating around online, reposted on pillowfort and in my discord haha.

Prepare for spoilers.

Prologue: Papyrus is lonely and super super wants respect, recognition, and love. So he goes to Undyne to train to get into the Royal Harem. Its implied that the job of the Royal Harem isnt just to fuck Asgore (who lost his wife at some undisclosed point- Toriel is in the ruins now) but to fuck everyone in the underground who wants/needs the sex. So like, its a government funded brothel? Undyne does train Papyrus (which apparently includes endurance training and edging- the one picture we got was pretty hot ngl- for a lesbian undyne knows her way around a dong), but she sees right away that even though he is amazing at sex, he doesnt have the right mindset to be in the harem. Pap is too emotional, too clingie. so she isnt letting him in.

On Mettaton's Side: Alphys builds mettaton a body that he loves and syncs with instantly. He goes on his quiz show to debut his body and hes happy with the attention, but after the show, two guys from the audience corner him outside and... uh... rape him. No sugar coating that. It is very violent and noncon. Tonton is permanently scarred in body and soul after that.

So theres more content thats NSFW and probably doesnt need to be in kid safe spaces. The whole rape thing.

Alphys finds him and even though he cant just leave his body, she helps fix him up and modifies his look so he is more comfortable.

But, uh... He is Not Okay. That was seriously traumatic and even though he pushes through it for his quiz show he has a lot of issues since most of his audience isnt interested in the science or history or learning part, they just wanna catcall him.

But he gets this one Fan who calls in correct answers and sends him really sweet fanmail.

And its Papyrus. Papyrus is Tonton's number one fan.

And eventually Papyrus goes to the show live and asks Mettaton out on a date. Its cute as balls. Just. A montage of fluffy respectful date fun and just- SCREAM. its great!

And then Mettaton's rapists show up. And they make to do it again. Papyrus tries to stop it but he gets beat up. He does encourage Tonton to fight back. which he does. and almost murders them. He's super emotional and says some mean things to papyrus too.

But stuff happens. Forgiveness. Healing. A kiss. Listen it's a story about how your trauma doesnt have to define you and it's definitely not for kids but its a good fucking story ok?!

Theres also a sidestory about mutual pining sansby which is also cute as fuck.

The themes of Underlust are sexual expression, how appearances can be misleading, how trauma doesnt have to define your life and how you can heal, and most importantly, that Love is more important then Lust.

The story was never finished, but there was talk and visual hints of adding themes of like how asexuality is valid and you can love people without sex, and how having sex and being unashamed doesnt making you gross, and platonic love being just as good as romantic love, and all this great stuff, but at the time niel was having more fun making lewds and just living her best life, so a lot of story and thematic elements were left unfinished

So... yeah. That's Underlust.

The cliffnotes version anyway.

The designs are amazing and iconic af. I especially love Blooky being an angry stoner. Asexual Nonbinary (21yo) Frisk is great! Its a beautiful AU with a lot of love in it and it makes you feel like its safe to be as lewd or not lewd as you want to be. But it is NOT an AU for kiddos. Not at all.

[stitch1830]

How do your dunebabies react to the harmonic convergence/rebirth of the air nation? Will you change anything about what LOK made? How does Toph/Aang react [if they're not dead]?

Hi Anon, thank you for the ask! And rather… complex in my universe. Let me try my best to answer! :)

I’ve kind of said before that bits and pieces of LOK live in my universe, and while I haven’t thought of the next Avatar Cycle, per se, I definitely should lol. But, this stuff probably wouldn’t come up in my stories because well…

To start, Harmonic Convergence would begin in the year 171 AG because it occurs every 10,000 years, and in my story, Aang passes away in the year 165/166 AG at the age of 178. This would also make the next Avatar like, 5 years old. I don’t think he/she would be fighting Vaatu at that age, and I’m not sure anyone would be able to open the spirit portals without their help, yeah? Fighting is out of the question, and the ability to visit the Spirit World is, but it does raise the point of whether or not the Air Nation would be reborn after Harmonic Convergence. Like, was the rebirth in LOK due to Korra actually fighting Vaatu, or was it simply because of HC? *shrugs* My guess is that the rebirth is due to the new energy and the portals being ‘permanently’ open from the whole battle and everything.

So if we go by all of this, that would mean that almost all of LOK’s premise after season 2 changes. Ope, my bad.

But let’s say that during/after HC, a hidden group of airbenders show themselves for some reason. Maybe they feel safe or brave after the day passed. I think people would find out and realize that things are safe and maybe more air nomads come out of hiding. People would talk, and the Beifongs with their big ears (well, two of them at least) will have heard the rumors. I think all would stop what they were doing to travel and find the lost airbenders and bring them to the temples to have a place to stay (if that was what they wanted). Most would probably agree to go, because now they don’t have to worry about a war, but some would stay in hiding. Those that go would practice the AN culture in public, maybe teach the Beifongs new traditions and history, and learn modern airbending techniques.

In the beginning, all dunebabies would pitch in and help with finding, teaching, and helping the nomads ease back into society. But after a few weeks or months, I think most would go back to their lives. Lin would be Chief of Police in Republic City, Suyin would go between home in Zaofu and to the temples, and Kenji might travel around the world, work in Republic City, or bounce between the temples in his free time as well. Gyatso would be the leader of the nomads and establish an elder council or whatever it’s called to help manage the whole group now. His siblings would have a say in things as well, maybe honorary spots, but he doesn’t hold them to the title if they don’t want it.

And Toph? She’s still around, probably would stay with Gyatso to help give him support for a while, maybe even go visit the other kids here and there. But I think when Gyatso is comfortable in his role, she’d leave. All the Twinkly toed people would remind her too much of her Twinkletoes.

After everything has settled, she visits The Swamp a lot, because she actually feels an energy that is similar to Aang’s there and she tells Aang/The Swamp about all the found airbenders. She’d cry more than she’d like to admit, too, because he would have loved to meet all of them and she wished he was there to see it. But deep down, she knows he’s so happy… wherever he is…

But yeah most of the kids are old enough to run things smoothly by this time (Kenji is like 41, Lin would be 51), they would know what they were doing, and growing up with Toph and Aang prepared them for the unexpected in many ways. So, they’re excited and happy and relieved, but they’re not as apprehensive as they thought they would be. They’ve got that Beifong mentality of ‘face things head on’ that gives them the confidence to just do. Instinct takes over for them, and Toph is very proud of her kiddos. She knows Aang is too.

Oof, there’s a lot to unpack with this ask, but I think this covers the basics… Let me know if you have more questions on this ask, I could go on and on about theories and possibilities, but these are my initial assumptions and headcanons.

Thanks again for the ask, and have a nice day! Feel free to send more asks.

[neerasrealm]

SPEAKING OF LAUGHING JACK FLUFF- whenever you're not busy writing something else, can I get some LJ fluff? I'll accept anything I just need m o r e, sick day fluff, general fluff or s/o, comfort fluff, crack fluff,,,anything just LJ fluff ily and I need to keep loving my man

I had some trouble coming up with ideas for this ngl but then my brain went "how would LJ react to a human asking him out on a date?" And I went with that 😌 hope you like it. It's- actually not that fluffy when I read back over it but....still got a lotta goofy clowning so, I think it counts!

You’re obsessed with him.

You see him every few days, down the local park when you’re out taking a walk. He’s always in the same spot. The children’s playground, surrounded by smiling kids while he gives out candy and balloons and does tricks for them. It’s impressive, honestly, how he’s able to do everything he does. He holds the kid’s attention perfectly, he always seems to have what they ask for just- hiding in his puffy sleeves, he plays the accordion and sings in an angelic voice, creates amazing balloon animals and juggles- oh god the juggling, it’s unreal how much stuff he can juggle at once. Not to mention how flexible he is. You’ve seen him do all sorts of tricks like cartwheels, somersaults, flips and god knows what else. And he has the biggest, brightest smile you’ve ever seen. When he smiles it lights up his whole face and spreads to everyone around him, not to mention his laugh! He’s the funniest guy you’ve ever met, and when he laughs it seems to make everyone around him feel better.

His name is Jack, and you’re hoping to catch him again this evening. He usually leaves just as it’s beginning to get dark, so he’ll probably have more time to speak with you once the kids are gone. There’s so much you want to ask him- he’s fascinatingly weird. You’ve begun to think of him as some kind of supernatural being rather than a cute street performer. You laugh a bit at the thought.

As you approach the playground you glance around. Finally, you spot him. Wispy black hair, feathered shoulder pads, and striped socks. Jack certainly knows how to make himself stand out, as if his height wasn’t already enough. He doesn’t even need bright colours to stand out- in fact he avoids them and wears only blacks, whites and greys. Another thing to make him look weird. Maybe even a little monstrous.

Jogging over to the playground’s entrance, you lean ever-so-casually against the gate and wait until he walks out, past you. You watch him for a moment, admiring the way his hair bounces as he cheerfully strides along. You lean off the gate and walk after him. ‘’Hey, Jack!’’ you call out casually. He stops and looks over his shoulder, blinking at you. Then he smiles wide.

‘’Oh! ‘Ey there!’’ he turns around and waves slightly as you walk up. You can’t help but smile gently. He has such sweet, innocent eyes. They’re a bright blue colour, and always full of emotion. ‘’y/n, innit?’’

You laugh gently. Oh yeah, he’s british. Very british. The thickest accent you’ve ever heard. ‘’Hey.’’ you greet. ‘’Heading home?’’

‘’Yup.’’ he tilts his head at you, his hands on his hips. ‘’Wha’re you up ta?’’

‘’Oh, uh-’’ you panic for a moment. ‘’I was heading home too! Heh- mind if I walk with you?’’ you ask quickly. He smiles.

‘’Course ya can.’’ he turns around and gestures for you to follow. Perfect! So far so good. You stuff your hands into your pockets trying to be casual, and stroll along beside him. He looks down at you and smiles.

‘’How was the day?’’ you ask. ‘’Business good?’’

‘’Ah yeh,’’ he runs a hand through his wispy black hair. Everything about him is fascinating. His outfit, his makeup, his entire persona. ‘’I wuz doin’ candy ‘n tricks t’day. Thos’re some’ve my fav’rites.’’

‘’Oh yeah?’’ you tilt your head at him. ‘’You’re pretty good at your circus tricks. Where’d you learn em?’’

‘’Oh! Uh- jus’ picked em up hones’ly. Lotsa practice over th’ years.’’

You smile. ‘’Huh.’’ he always seems to...dodge questions. ‘’So- where’d you grow up?’’

‘’London.’’

Alright that’s the answer you expected. Next question. ‘’So is this performing thing your fulltime job?’’

‘’Yep!’’ he seems to become excited. ‘’Makin’ kiddos ‘appy is wha’ I wuz made fer!’’ he laughs, a raspy joyful noise that makes your heart flutter. "Me mum always said I wuz like a daffadown dilly, hah! So 'f course I became a clown, heheh."

You have no idea what that means but you laugh with him. "Your mom said you should be a clown?"

"Yup!"

"Yeah mine too, but only when she was mad at me." You grin at him. He breaks into a wide grin and then wheezes loudly in amusement. Perfect, you made him laugh! He snickers and looks at you again. God he's adorable when he laughs. Which is good, because he does it a lot. "So- how'd you come up with the costume?"

"Oh! Er- jussa lo'a mixin' an' matchin'. I already 'ad black 'air an' a lo'a striped fings so I er- jus tossed i' all together." He seems to become fidgety at the question. Odd. He coughs. "So wha' abou' you?"

"Me?"

"Yeh," he nods and smiles at you. "No' often some'ne who isn' a parent asks me abou' me act. I've seen ye a few times b'fore, so ye seem ta like me." He smiles at you. Shit. He has you completely figured out, doesn't he? Well...alright then. You take a deep breath before responding.

"I...find you interesting." You finally answer. He cocks a brow at you. "British guy who performs for kids and does tricks in a big heavy costume- who wouldn't be interested in learning more about him?"

He laughs gently. "Ye like me fer me accen'?"

"It's a bonus." You give him a sly smile. He laughs again and glances down. "So...what do you do on your off days, Laughing Jack?" He seems surprised at being called his stage name.

"Oh! Er- …'uman fings." He responds nervously. You snort, then crack up laughing. He laughs along with you, still sounding nervous. You had no idea he'd be so easy to fluster!

"Alright then...how about next time you're doing human things, I come along with you?"

"Eh?" He seems surprised and confused.

"Y'know- we could...get coffee or something…?"

He blinks, then his eyes widen. His mouth opens as he suddenly realises that he's being flirted with. "Oh- oh! Er- uh-" he blushes a light pink beneath his makeup. "Ye'd wanna...g-go ou' wiv me…?" He sounds like he can't quite believe what you just asked him. You nod. His blush deepens, and his shoulders arch up, burying his face in feathers. You laugh at his embarrassment. "A-ah...I see." He gulps and peaks out at you from beneath feathers. God he's adorable.

"Doesn't have to be coffee, if you're not into that."

"Nah, nah! I like coffee." He coughs, clearing his throat. He suddenly stops walking and looks at you. "Can I er-" he seems completely out of his depth here. You absently wonder if he's ever been flirted with before. "Can I getcher number?"

Score! This is exactly what you'd been hoping for! You reach into your pocket and pull out a small slip of paper you prepared earlier. You wrote your phone number on it earlier in hopes that he'd ask for it.

"Here you go." You say with a smile. He quickly steps forward and takes it, looking down at the small scrap of paper like it's the most important thing in the world. He slips it into the pocket of his shorts and nods at you, still looking surprised and worried. He forces a smile.

"Righ' then." He finally says. "I'll er- I'll text ya la'er an' we can arrange ta ge' sum coffee." His smile is flustered and his eyes are shining with excitement. You nod.

"Sounds good." You step back away from him and give him a small wave. "I'll see you soon, Jack."

"S-See ya!" He calls after you. You walk a little bit away until you're out of sight, then double back from behind the cover of trees. Just as you'd hoped, he's still right where you left him, staring in the direction you just went. Even from your hiding spot you can see his blushing face and wide excited smile. He suddenly jumps on the spot and looks around excitedly. He buries his face in his hands, crouching down slightly. You frown. Is he- shaking?

Jack suddenly explodes back up into the air, his arms stretching out more than they realistically should. He lets out the loudest cry of excitement you've ever heard and bounces on the spot, giggling to himself like a schoolgirl. You grin in amusement and watch him cartwheel over toward the forest, still making loud noises of excitement and joy. He spins and flips, then disappears into the trees. You snort.

He's...so weird. And somehow it just makes him more loveable.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #465

“the old man then prepares to die regretfully  /  that old man here is me”

Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I had a guy who wouldn't leave me alone since pre-k. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? OMG I forgot about those!! I loved them!!! Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? AHHHHHHHHH yes!!! :') Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. My dresser was COMPLETELY covered in them. Who did you look up to most as a child? Steve Irwin, 100%. He was my hero. Did your parents let you drink soda when you were little? Some, yes. I wish they hadn't, with the dependency I have now. Did you ever watch The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter’s Laboratory? Of course! I strongly preferred the former, though. Did you watch Blue's Clues? HOW TIMELY. :'''') I did! My little sister and I loved it. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Just gimme a good 'ole double chocolate cake and I was one happy kiddo, ha ha. Did you ever want to grow up? Sure didn't. I was smart. How often do you listen to classic rock? It varies, really. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and binge it, other times I want newer music. What about country? Just about never. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Not a whole lot. I'm very careful with money. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? No. Whenever I did it in the past, it was always to relocate the pain I was experiencing, and because I felt like I deserved it. Last person to get on your nerves? I'd rather not give it the time of day. Are you in any pain right now? No. Last thing you ate? It was one of those chocolate chip Clif Thins things. I HATE every Clif product I've ever tried until these, so they're a good option if I really want something sweet that's actually decently healthy and doesn't taste like I'm eating pure fiber, like most of their products. Name three things apart from trust and loyalty that you need in a relationship. Open, honest communication, similar interests as well as morals, and pro-LGBTQ+, if I'm just naming three. How far away are you from the place that you were born? Like... not even ten minutes. Do you live near anybody who creeps you out? Nah. Then again though I know pretty much nobody in my neighborhood. Is there anywhere that you are too afraid to go to alone? Where? Hm. If for whatever strange reason I had to, I would absolutely not want to go into a men's restroom alone. Would you be upset if you had a child who decided to make “adult films?” Despite the fact I don't negatively judge porn stars if they are smart, cautious, an informed about what they do and how to stay safe... I think I'd be very, very scared if my child wanted that, especially if it was my daughter, because she can actually get pregnant. Yes, abortion's an option, but... still. I don't want her to have to be faced with that decision. I also would be terrified of my hypothetical son getting someone pregnant, especially because he's then not the one with say on what happens to that child. So ultimately, if I was ever in this situation, I feel like I'd need to be alone with my partner to just cry for a while and then talk with them and look at the situation factually and with regard for my child's happiness. What pizza topping would you never, ever, EVER eat? Sardines. /gag What annoys you most about your computer? The microphone is broken. Do you prefer to read blogs or watch vlogs? I'm not huge on either, but watch vlogs. Do you know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? No. Do you own a snowglobe? I wish I did, they cute. What was the last thing that upset you? It was more disappointing than upsetting, but I was nevertheless super bummed that my bf had to scoot us hanging out a day back today when I was v excited for it. What is something you are behind on? It sounds unbelievable, I know, but I am IMMENSELY behind with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Like, I'm somewhere around four episodes in. It's so hard to explain: like, I want to watch it badly, but I don't want to set aside time to sit in front of the TV to actually do it? It makes very little sense. I'll catch up eventually, I just... haven't yet. Who DO you go to for advice when you need it? Mom, Sara, my therapist... Will you go caroling this year? God no. Never have, never will. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? Bro what the fuck, of course I would. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? Daughter. Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? I'm very grateful that I was never truly bullied. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? FUCK YES. Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know; I've never been near one. :( What’s your favorite country besides the USA? Lol what a presumptuous question. Probably Africa. Did you get senior pictures taken? No, even though I wanted them. :/ I don't remember why I didn't? How often do you like to have sex? I don't care. Whenever it feels right. Are you any good at math? OH MY GOD NO Do you like Dairy Queen? I fucking love Dairy Queen. Ever had their Oreo Cupfection? *chef's kiss* If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt. Or my psychiatrist. Really depends. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES. Few things make me MORE uncomfortable. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Dentists are ezpz for me. At the doctor, meanwhile, I'm scared of them finding something seriously wrong. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I've only met one, and that was YEEEEAAARRRRSSS ago. He was chill, though. Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? omfg YES Do you enjoy board games? Not really. Do you need a haircut? I actually just got one the other day. It's shorter than I would've liked, but it's whatever. Hair grows back, and mine does fast. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. They've got the same right to be here as we do. What’s the longest stretch of time you’ve spent completely alone? A week or two when my mom and sis went to the beach (I think?) for a dance competition. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed a lawyer? Yes, when I presented my disability case. Do you know anyone who has been evicted? My mom, sister, and me because we couldn't keep up with rent. What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never tried one. How often do you have friends over to your house? The only "friend" that comes over to my house is my boyfriend. Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes; never back flips, because I was scared of breaking my neck. What about a flip off of a diving board? No. Does your country have free healthcare? No, but it fucking should. What is your sexuality? Bro I don't even know anymore lmao. I just say pansexual. "Queer" might fit me best, though. I really don't know, but it doesn't really matter. What’s the last show you watched? Attack on Titan w/ Girt! I'm actually keen to see more of it. The darkness and heartbreak of it is right up my alley. How is your road rage? I don't really experience road rage because I'm too engulfed by terror to focus on anything else, honestly. Do you have any facial piercings? Yeah; I have a vertical labret in my lip. Have you ever been to a rehab center? So this is dumb as shit, but all the psych hospitals I've been to doubled as rehab centers. Which made NO goddamn sense because those who are suffering with mental illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts/tendencies are unique from those dealing with addiction; both require individual treatments and should not be grouped, imo. How long did your shortest relationship last? Not even a day. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? That's... scary to imagine. Sometimes, that was all I wanted. But seeing as he left because of my depression... it probably would have been catastrophic. He was the only person I ever wanted kids with, so there probably would have been children involved in all that madness, which no little one deserves. Him leaving ultimately led to my healing, too, so I don't know where I would've been mental health-wise if he stayed. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? I don’t cook. I need to learn, though... Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? He's my boyfriend now, ha ha ha. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yes. I'm too lazy to get into that stuff rn, though. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? I'm almost certain they would all say veterinarian. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? Slow down buddy, we haven't even been together a month lmao. Who was the last person to make you a home-cooked meal? What did they make? Mom, but I don't recall the last thing she made from scratch. Girt is doing that tomorrow, though! :') He's making grilled chicken stuffed with jalapenos and spinach and something else I can't remember and it sounds BANGIN'. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Hmmm... I'll have to get back to ya on that. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I think someone has, yes. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? Yep. Who was the recipient of your very first kiss? Jason. Do you prefer shrimp or crab? SHRIMP. Crab is mushy and disgusting. Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction books/movies? I strongly prefer fiction. Have you ever seen an eclipse? Plenty of lunar eclipses, yes. Who is your favourite video game character? Pyramid Head, Spyro, Cynder... I have a lot, those three are just panning out as strong contenders. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? lol Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you felt nostalgic about? uhhh Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? OMG one time in his prime, Teddy got loose on a snowy night and went on a full-blown adventure. I was SOBBING. My dad had to chase him down. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan knows Jason, Jason knows Juan and Girt, and Sara knows Girt. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Vaccines cause autism." Fuck out my face. What was the very first election you voted in? This most recent presidential one.

[mychemicalxmen]

Unfinished Business

hey so I find crt’s recent interactions with the tua fandom to be sus as hell and it got me thinking about the most plausible way I could see him comin back in s3 and the conclusion I came to is a way-shorter and way-simpler version of whatever the hell this is so uhhhh here

2.9k, klave/klave-adjacent

... ... ...

“Is this really a good idea?”

Allison’s words are gentle as she stands in the doorway of Klaus’s room. Well, not his room, per se, but the grey-walled, undecorated space that would’ve been his bedroom in a timeline gone by. The Sparrow Academy doesn’t seem to be a huge fan of homey-ness. They’d ever-so-kindly granted the Umbrellas two nights’ stay in these cold cells while they gathered their bearings and prepared to face the new world they’d fantastically screwed up.

Klaus smiles at her question. “That’s hardly stopped me before, right?”

Allison rolls her eyes and drops her hands onto her hips. “I’m worried about you, okay?”

“Don’t be,” Klaus answers with a swatting gesture. “It’s been easy-peasy since I’ve dropped the pills. Parlor tricks. Did this song and dance tons of times for Madame.”

“Also, we need to unpack your relationship to ‘Madame’ at your earliest convenience.”

Klaus raises an eyebrow mischievously. “What happens in Dallas...!”

Allison sighs. “Okay, well, if things start to get, y’know, mega-spooky panic-time, you’ll just yell, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.”

“Hey.” Allison’s voice is suddenly calmer. Klaus’s gaze snaps up to meet hers. “You’re sure about this?”

Klaus lets himself breathe for a moment. Tension fights to seize his limbs. He’s really about to do it.

His first six months of sobriety were the absolute nightmare that he knew they would be. They were all the sleepless nights, trembling hands, emotional eruptions, and torturous visions that he’d predicted.

But at some point, his powers became less like a stubborn faucet, run by an on/off switch with not much in between. With time (and Ben’s encouragement), he’d come to better understand his link to the other side. He’d learned how to cut and re-engage the connection at will, how to find faces in the crowd, how to call one forth, and how to sleep peacefully.

Most nights.

“I’m sure,” he says solidly.

He checks himself over, tugging his brightly striped shirt into place, tucking in his dog tag, and running a hand through the hair he’d half-considered chopping off the second he made it home. When he looks back up at Allison, he‘s feeling a bit less brave. “Do I look alright?”

Allison nods with a little grin. “You look great.” God, he wishes they’d reconnected far before this Dallas fiasco. She just cares so much. “Good luck,” she says.

“Love you, sis.” He blows her a lazy kiss as she leaves and closes the door behind her.

He paces around the room, steeling himself for the process. Like he said, it’s no big deal. Easy peasy. Even with that hiccup with alcohol, he’s clean enough to pull it off. He shakes out the last of his nerves with a couple tiny hops before settling in the middle of the room.

He stands firmly, feet apart, and drops his head. He squeezes his fists and lets the energy start to crackle between his fingers.

With all the insanity of this timeline, he needs to know what happened in 1968. He needs to see Dave.

It’s tougher to contact someone not already in the room. He focuses everything he has, and the energy pulses faster and stronger. Come on, come on…

“Klaus?”

He looks up with a start.

There he is, standing four feet in front of him. Those torn-up fatigues. Those searching blue eyes. That curly mess of blonde hair he hasn’t seen for three years.

Dave.

Klaus can’t keep the dumb smile off of his face.

“Hey there, soldier,” he practically whispers.

“Hey yourself,” Dave says - happy, though clearly disoriented. “Guess you weren’t making up all that ‘future’ junk after all.”

Klaus’s affirmative laugh is airy. But when his eyes trail down to the cavity in Dave’s chest, his heart aches in regret.

His jaw aches too. What a week it’s been.

“I have... so much to ask you,” Dave goes on. “It’s been a long time.”

Klaus swallows. Here goes. The million dollar question.

“Uh… How long of a time, exactly?”

He unconsciously holds his breath.

Dave glances to the side. “...Right around when JFK was shot. Must’ve been ‘63?”

Klaus exhales and sits on the bed, face blank.

Dave is wincing at his own memories. “God, I was such a dumb kid, I’m so sorry that you—”

Klaus isn’t hearing him. He’s too caught up on that number. 63.

If the Umbrella Academy doesn’t exist, Klaus Hargreeves doesn’t grow up in the same home as Five Hargreeves. He doesn’t get kidnapped by assassins. He doesn’t get his hands on a briefcase. He doesn’t go to Vietnam.

If the Umbrella Academy doesn’t exist, neither does the Dave that fell in love with him.

His Dave is gone. Really gone. 

This Dave was the timid hardware store employee he’d tried to get through to, striving to save his life and instead locking in his fate a few days early. This Dave is still the same person as the other one was. Same upbringing, same interests, same compassion, same smile, same violent death. But...

“—a strange time for anyone. You know how it is.”

Klaus tunes back in to Dave apologizing for his cringey adolescence. “No, no, yeah, I get it, don’t worry about it.”

In the pause that follows, Klaus feels his throat tighten and hot tears threaten to drop down his face.

Within the same pause, Klaus realizes the obvious. Dave is a ghost.

Kiddos and grandmas, or anyone who’s achieved either nothing or everything that their life had to offer them, they get the window to move on right away. One-way ticket to the Great Beyond, or the next life, or whatever the hell it is. Ultimate FastPass, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200. Klaus has learned that spirits don’t tend to stick around on earth unless they have unfinished business. Sometimes they don’t even know what they need to do to start fresh, and that’s always the worst. Those souls become the bitterest, the loudest, the most tortured. Those were the ones who gave him hell in the mausoleum, with question after question that he couldn’t even begin to answer.

Dave seems to have managed okay. Probably spends a lot of time watching over his friends, his sisters, his neighbor’s cat. Klaus wonders what he could possibly have left to do.

“Major case of unfinished business you got there, huh?” Klaus asks. “Been waiting around, what, fifty years?”

Dave squints. “Well, it’s hard to feel it. Time works a little funny over here.”

“Right, of course it does,” Klaus recalls stupidly. He sniffles and swipes a hand under his eye as nonchalantly as he can. “Ah. Any idea what the little brat is waiting for you to do?”

Dave gives a tentative chuckle. “Brat?”

“Oh, Big G, the almighty, you know,” Klaus clarifies. “The bitch on the bike. I met Her once or twice. We’re not too chummy.”

Dave shows startlement, then shakes his head, acknowledging that this information should hardly faze him at this point. “Um. Yeah. Don’t know what She wants yet. Though She’s actually a cowgirl for me.”

“Of course She is.” 

And that’s the idiotic comment that causes Klaus’s voice to crack.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dave asks. He hazards a few steps closer.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

“No... Nothing,” Klaus stammers. He briefly covers his face and lets out a groan. “Ughhh, it’s going to sound crazy.”

“Really think you can beat ‘Time-Traveling Cult Leader with Prophetic Dog Tags and Tidings of Death’?”

“It wasn’t a cult,” Klaus mumbles in futility. He drops his hands and gives it his best shot. “The first time I met you - first time I met Dave - was in a totally different timeline, in 1968. That’s how I knew all that stuff about you. And you died the same way, except I was there the first time. The other time. The same time?”

“You and ...’Other Dave’.... fought together,” Dave offers.

“Yes!” Klaus confirms, relieved that he’s making sense. “Yeah, exactly. Which is why I tried to stop him - you - from going.” He indicates Dave’s abdomen. “And, obviously, I failed. But because of some stuff my family screwed up along the way, you never fought with me, so I remember a lot more than you do, and it’s all just...” He gestures helplessly. “A real kick in the dick.”

Dave tilts his head in a mix of sympathy and confusion. “That... does sound pretty crap.”

Klaus doesn’t expect it when Dave sits next to him on his bed.

“You want to tell me what I missed?”

“Oh, no, no, no, Dave, you don’t want that. That’s a long story.”

Dave shrugs. “I’ve got some time to kill.”

Klaus manages a smile. Talking will keep him from crying.

He tries his best to tell everything chronologically, but almost every step of the beginning requires some Hargreeves Family Lore that he reluctantly recaps as efficiently as possible. Dave is an exceptional listener. Always has been. He lets Klaus ramble on and on and asks little questions now and again to get a clearer picture. Klaus appreciates Dave’s effort to form a coherent narrative out of the scattered snapshots that time has left him with.

Klaus stumbles with pronouns. He makes a point to refer to His Dave with “him” as opposed to “you”, but he can’t help but slip a few times in the middle. Dave seems to understand.

Klaus tells him about the day they met. He waters down the Time Police part of the tale and focuses on what came after. Dropping into the tent at dawn. The casual conversation on the bus. The strange instinct that he got to stick around for a few days.

He tells him about soldiering. He tells Dave how focused and respected he looked on the battlefield. But he also tells him how kind he was to new recruits.

He tells him about their first R&R together in Saigon. He tells him about the vibrant bar and the strangest music and the secluded back hallway.

He tells him about the nights in the jungle they’d stayed up and dreamed up plans for when they’d go home together. He tells him about the day those plans fell apart. When Klaus runs out of story to tell, he just stops. Dave looks at him thoughtfully. Klaus can only imagine what must be running through his head. He knows it’s not judgement, or embarrassment, or anger, or loathing. Dave is too sweet for any of that.

Dave is too good for the rotten fortune that found him, time and time again.

“I’m sorry,” Klaus says.

“For what?”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him,” Klaus answers. He fumbles again. “You. Him? Young Dave?”

“I’m getting a headache keeping track of it myself,” Dave admits.

“You,” Klaus settles on. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Dave looks into him for a breath. Then, he reaches out and touches his arm. Klaus wants to dissolve into dust.

“I think I understand why I loved you,” Dave says.

A bittersweet laugh tumbles ungracefully from Klaus’s mouth. He tries not to draw attention to the new round of tears that spills over with it. “You do?”

“Yeah. I do.” Dave gives him the gentlest smile. “You shouldn’t be sorry. You tried so hard. I could’ve had more courage, fought back, ran away, something, but I just... wasn’t ready.” He glances down. “And I wasn’t going to be.”

Klaus’s hand closes over Dave’s on his arm.

“But I always remembered you,” Dave adds. “I always thought you were brave.”

“Goddamn, I was convinced I’d pushed your Big Awakening back a good two months, at least.”

“Far from,” Dave assures. His eyes crinkle with the flash of a memory. “I’m... not sure if I should tell you this.”

Klaus cocked his head. “Well, shit, Davey, now you have to.”

“I’m assuming Other Me told you something about Bill, right? Met in junior year, moved to Austin after school, always a bit of suspicion there...”

“Yeah?”

Dave’s face reddens slightly. “I mean, it wasn’t anything serious, but there were a few weeks when I was home, before this last tour...”

Klaus’s eyes widen. This was not an event on his timeline. He mocks outrage and pushes Dave’s hand away. “David Joseph Katz—!”

“The point is,” Dave poorly stifles a laugh, “I had hope. That it was gonna be alright, and that after this round, I’d be back in America for good, and I’d find my place.”

Hope.

Klaus supposes hope is nice. It’s just not terribly helpful with the way things panned out. In the world where Dave still didn’t make it home. In the world where he’s stuck here, waiting for a way to move on. In the world where he’s still around to see how little good that hope did him. And frustration starts to churn Klaus’s stomach, even though he knows...

“...This really wasn’t your fault,” Dave says, reading him just as perfectly as he could in ‘68.

Klaus hadn’t noticed how long he’d fallen silent for. “I know,” he mumbles, and logically, he does. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. There had to be a timeline out there where everything ended up alright, where him and Dave lived happily together just like they’d talked about, but he is never going to find it now.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “And I still love him. Christ, he made one of the deadliest shitshows in American history the only place I wanted to be. He made me the happiest that I’ve been in a long, long time. He made me feel so treasured. So... strong.”

When the tears return a third time, he stops trying to hide them. He carelessly wipes the heel of his palm across his cheek.

“I wanted to tell him all that,” he finishes. “He gave me something so special that I don’t think I’ll get again.”

A sob escapes Klaus. Dave patiently waits for him to work it out.

“I know I’m not him,” Dave starts, “But for what it’s worth, I think he’d know you still love him. I think it’d destroy him to be apart from you. But I don’t think he’d want you to destroy yourself.”

Klaus knows the spiel that’s coming, and so badly does he want to dismiss it all as disgusting cliche. But he also knows Dave’s sappy tendencies well enough to know that, in this case, it’s probably accurate. Hell, he’s hearing it from the man himself.

“If you couldn’t get back to him, I think he’d just want to know you were happy,” Dave says. “You know? That you kept moving and kept taking care of yourself. And kept looking for the kind of love you deserve.”

Dave shifts to face him more directly. His eyes are bright with intention. “You have so much life left in you. You deserve a new chapter.”

Klaus feels beaten and weary all over. His mind is finally slowing down to the present.

When Dave subtly opens up his arms, he eagerly takes the offer to wrap him in an embrace.

This is the last he’ll see of him. He can feel it. He tucks his chin over Dave’s shoulder and clings onto the fabric of his vest, eyes shut, trying to commit every sensation to memory.

Dave returns, lightly weaving his hand into Klaus’s hair. Klaus recalls with a weak grin that he knew Dave would be fond of the new length.

It’s safe and sacred and almost everything that he’d planned for on that day he’d desperately wandered the mansion halls, calling out for any help he could get, twisting a bundle of rope in his quaking hands.

He hears a whisper of a wind chime.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” Dave mutters.

The blue glow pierces through Klaus’s eyelids. He pulls back to look at Dave.

He’s crumbling apart, piece by piece, and drifting away. Bright light speckles the entire room.

“Klaus?” Dave asks. His voice is soft but threaded with slight fear. “Is this...?”

“Yeah, it is,” he answers. He tightens his grip on Dave’s arms. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me say goodbye.”

A beat passes. Then, understanding washes over Dave’s face. He pulls Klaus close once again, stroking his hair.

He presses a kiss onto Klaus’s forehead.

Klaus doesn’t watch him go. He only opens his eyes when his arms are at last empty.

Specks of glittering blue light still float through the air. Nothing else remains but the wrinkle on the bedspread where he was sitting. Klaus’s face still feels warm where his lips were placed just moments ago.

Klaus buries his head in his hands. “Allison,” He calls out. The sound is pathetic. He clears his throat and tries again. “Allie?”

He hears her heeled boots click down the hall. He can’t bring himself to look up when she opens the door. “You okay?”

“It’s over,” he summarizes.

“What do you need?”

A joint. A fist full of pills. Five shots of tequila. A good sock in the head so he can go back to that pre-Technicolor hellscape and tell that bitch on the bike what he really thinks of Her.

“Can you just sit with me for a minute, please?”

Allison closes the door and obliges.

They talk, slowly and softly, about absolutely nothing at all, while Allison smooths her hand against Klaus’s back. They stare at the cold tile floors together for a long time. Klaus asks if it would kill the Sparrows to hire an interior decorator.

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

The Mess in the Corner

Summary: 

It's been a while since Tony's seen the corner of the workshop that Peter calls his own but when he does, he finds it to be a complete disaster. Asking Peter to clean it up leads to some interesting explanations and all he can do is laugh.  Basically, Tony learns that Peter is a typical teenager.

Warnings: None    Rated: G

Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker is a Mess, Random and Short... ...

Word count: 2077

Link to Post on AO3: The Mess in the Corner-happyaspie

 "Hey, Mr. Stark?  Can you look at this for me?", Peter asked from across Tony's large spread out, personal workshop.  The one that only a handful of people had access to and no one else but him had ever been allowed to make themselves at home in.  It was amazing, really.  

 Tony looked up from his own work and looked towards the small corner of the room that Peter had pretty much taken over during the last few months. "Sure, kiddo.  Bring it over here.", he said, wondering why the boy hadn't carried whatever it was over already.   That was typically how it worked.  Anytime the kid had a question or needed some input he would slink quietly over to wherever he was working, a project in hand.

 Glancing between his desk and his mentor, Peter sighed.  "Actually it's not quite stable enough to pick up yet.  Can you come over here?  I mean, if you're too busy that's fine but maybe when you have the chance?", he hesitantly asked because Tony was a busy man who did a lot of crazy important things and he was always worried about interrupting him.  Which is exactly why he'd never asked the man to come to him before.  It seemed less disruptive the other way around.

 "I'm coming, Pete.  Two seconds.", Tony returned with a smile.  He could use a break from staring at the screen in front of him anyway.  Helping the kid out was a good excuse to step away from it for a few minutes.  So, he closed up the multiple windows he had open and started towards his mentee.  Though as he got closer to where the teenager was waiting for his arrival, it occurred to him that he'd not been in that corner of the lab in quite a long time and he realized that the space looked very different than it had the last time he'd seen it.

 "Pete... it's a disaster over here.", Tony said as he took in the scene.  He knew the kid could be unorganized.  He'd seen the way his clothes were wrinkled from lack of proper folding and knew that the boy's backpack was slap full of wadded up worksheets and notes but what he was looking at was a whole new level of clutter.  It was teetering on the edge of disgusting.  "You should probably take a few minutes to clean it when you're done.  I'm not sure how you can even find anything in all this mess.", he said with a sigh, his eyes slowly roaming over various piles of junk and seemingly out of place items.

 "It's not a disaster.  It's controlled chaos. I know where everything is.", Peter said with a smile.  

 Tony huffed a laugh and placed his hands on his hips.  There was no way the kid knew where everything was.  The desk's top looked like a scrapyard.  "Oh yeah?  Where are your mini precision hand tools, hmm?", he asked with a quirk of his brow and watched with interest as the kid used his hand to knock a small pile of things into an open drawer before picking up the micro-tool kit and waving it in his face with a grin.  

 Taking a deep breath, Tony tipped his head towards the only part of the work table that didn't have anything stacked on top of it.  "What about that.  Is that... crumbs and Cheeto powder coating your desk?", he asked with a quirk of his brow.

 The desk was, in fact, covered in Cheeto powered and there was no denying, so Peter just shrugged his shoulders.  "Well, yeah but I have a really important equation written out in it.  See?", he explained while gesturing towards where you could vaguely make out where there was indeed an equation traced out in the crumbs.

 Tony blinked back in dumbfoundedness.  The kid had done a multi-step physics calculation with his finger, in a pile of crumbs.  "You, you have a tablet to store those sorts of things in   Or, you know, paper.  I realize it's super high tech in here but I do have paper, kid.", he said, his hands going from his hips to wildly gesture towards the supply closet that was stocked with numerous office supplies.  Everything from pencils and highlighters to pads of graphing paper and stacks of notebooks.  There were some things that just begged to be written down and he was prepared for just such things.    

 "I was in a hurry and that worked.", Peter replied with a verbal shrug.  He knew there was paper but he'd not had time to go track it down.  He'd been on a roll and the pause would have caused him to lose concentration.  He'd worked with what he had.  He'd been resourceful. 

 Moving on, Tony pointed towards the office chair that had been pushed off to the side and rendered unusable. "You can't even sit in your chair.  It's covered in... what is that?", he asked when he'd not been able to see what exactly was being stored inside of the cardboard from his angle.  Whatever it was it looked dusty, as if it hadn't been touched in ages.

 Following his mentor's gaze, Peter laid eyes on the box and smiled. "Oh!  That's the parts I was going to use to build the rotary indexer that Ned and I thought we needed for that science project last month.", he explained.  "Turns out we were overthinking it and decided to go another route completely."

 "If you're not going to use it then why do you still have it?  It's just in the way.", Tony strained because he couldn't fathom why it was still there if nothing was ever going to be done with it.

 "I might need it later.", Peter countered.  He and Ned had spent days collecting all of those parts from various dumpsters and consignment shops.  He wasn't going to just toss it out and the chair wasn't an issue in his opinion.  He tended to fidget while he worked and being on his feet was easier than sitting still.  Something about having the freedom to step side to side and dart from one place to another helped him concentrate.  He would have thought his mentor would have known that.  He was always telling him to be still whenever they ended up sitting side by side.  He couldn't help it.  His body just needed to move in order to think properly.  "Besides, I never sit in the chair anyway.

 There was no denying that Peter was rarely in a chair.  As such, he chose to let that one go for the time being.  Instead, he turned his attention to the area just above his mentee's table.   "...and how about that spider up there?", he said, pointing upwards with a smirk.

 Glaring at his mentor, Peter crossed one arm over his chest while the other pointed towards the neatly maintained web along with its small occupant.  "Hey!  You leave Jimmy out of this!", he said with more passion than was probably necessary.  

 "You... you've named the spider?", Tony sputter, once again baffled by the kid's thought process.  Peter cut his eyes to the side not answering and Tony threw his hands up in defeat.   "Oh my god, You can put that box in the storage closet and then wipe down that desk.  I'll go get a broom.", he said once again waving his hand towards the eight-legged intruder.

 Peter's mouth gaped open in horror at the indication.  "Don't you dare touch, Jimmy!", he gasped, taking several hurried steps towards where his mentor was already starting towards the closest that held the cleaning supplies, grabbing his arm as soon as he'd caught up.  "What did he ever do to you?", he pleaded, taking note of the incredulous look his mentor was sending him but not caring.  He happened to like his little spider brethren's company.  

 "Are you being serious right now?", Tony inquired and then shook his head.  It was all too obvious that the kid was actually being serious.  "Never mind.", he groaned as he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.  "The spider can stay but the crumbs and the box are going.  I'll go get you some paper... and a new tool chest or something so you have somewhere to put all that other stuff."

 "I already have one.", Peter replied as if that should have been obvious.  Tony had casually delegated an entire collection of things to store his stuff in, he just... didn't always use it.  There were certain tools that he employed on a regular basis and it was easier to keep them out and spread around his workspace.  

 "Where?", Tony responded as his eyes darted around, not seeing a tool chest anywhere.

 Smiling, Peter moved towards the far wall and started moving a few things around so that the chest would become visible. "Behind this stack of plywood and sheet metal over here.", he explained and watched as Tony crossed the room to investigate.

 After pulling open three mostly empty drawers, Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose.  "I-- Do you have any executive functioning skills?", he queried.  While he didn't necessarily have all of his own tools perfectly arranged and categorized, he did put the things he wasn't actively using away in order to avoid complete disarray.

 Peter briefly looked towards the floor and began to twist the toe of his shoe on the tiled floor.  Then with a sigh, he looked up and folded his arms in front of himself.  "I make up for what I'm lacking in that department with creativity.", he flatly replied. 

 Tony nodded his head and smirked at his slightly miffed mentee.  "Well, could you please creatively put all the apple cores and banana peels into the trash can?", he asked with humor.  "...because that's how you get flies."

 "That's what I have Jimmy for.", Peter shot back with a broad grin that met his eyes.  However, he did decide to make a show of picking up one of the banana peels and dropped it into the small, admittedly empty, wastebasket beside his desk.  

 Tony stared back at the kid for several seconds and then laughed.  "You're a piping hot mess.", he mirthfully quipped.

 "No, I'm not.", Peter returned but he wasn't the least bit offended.  

 Tony's gleeful smile turned soft as he reached out and pulled the kid into his side.  "Yes, you are but it's not a completely bad thing.  You keep me entertained on a regular basis.", he teased but there was truth behind his words.  The boy kept him on his toes, made him laugh and was constantly reminding him of everything that was good in the world.  

 Leaning his head into his mentor's shoulder, Peter sighed contentedly. "I'm glad I can be of service.", he said after a few moments had passed. Then, just as he was really starting to relax into the man's grasp he has playfully shoved away.

 "Great.  You know how else you can be of service?", Tony asked once the moment the kid had caught his balance and started to laugh.

 "By throwing away the trash and moving that box?", Peter guessed with a smile. 

 "He learns!", Tony announced without missing a beat and then reach out to ruffle the boy's hair.   After that, he looked on as Peter began to pick up the rest of the empty snack wrappers and throw them away. As he did so, he remembered why he'd been called over there in the first place and started looking at the design that was sitting at the edge of the table.  The kid didn't even notice as he ran his hands over it and tweaked a few of the loose wires.  Despite the unholy mess, it had been fabricated amongst, it was good work.  

 "Hey, Pete?", Tony called out quietly, Peter humming back in acknowledgment.  "The mock-up you wanted me to look at?  That's some really smart stuff.  Good job, kid.", he continued with a gentle smile before slipping his hands into his pockets and starting towards the supply closet as promised.  

 Peter smiled over his shoulder as he continued to wipe the crumbs into his hand so that he could transfer them into the trash and smiled.  "Thanks, Mr. Stark.", he said and went back to cleaning up, a thousand new ideas already haphazardly flying through his head.