#because Duke is OP and makes it harder for everyone

[idontcaboose]

Haunted car au part 9

Previous Masterpost

“O, please tell me someone is close by?” Red Robin hissed into his comm.

“Batman and Signal are on the way, 6 blocks out.”

“Neat, see if they can use the 109th st entrance, I will try to lead my goons that way.”

“Rerouting their gps, stay safe RR.”

Tim wasn't sure how to stay safe with a bullet wound in his leg, and a few grazes across his body. Part of the job he supposes. He wasn't sure which god or entity was enjoying his struggle, but he would not hesitate to smack them in the face with his bō. Tim took a small breather after losing his followers for a moment. His leg has a hole, his arms couldn't keep a strong grip on his grapple, not that it really mattered. A goon got an extremely lucky shot and destroyed the thing. So, grounded, with a barely functioning leg, and about 15 goons, and if the leaders of the group didn't flee already, then them too, looking for him. Not great odds. Oracle said Batman and Signal were on their way, and hopefully heading to the street closest to him that would work for some form of ambush.

“I'll go out a bit early, they won't be expecting it. Nah, they only set up to catch Signal, you know, the meta. The meta that can all but shadow step like a freaking d&d character. Such a great plan Tim.” Tim had started to mutter to himself as he attempted to tie on a better bandage to his leg than the slap dash one he did while on the move. He was just done securing it when a goon appeared.

“I found some blood over here!”

Tim almost screamed expletives on par with Jason or Duke, but he had some self preservation.

“ETA, hopefully it's NOW?!” Tim growled onto the comms.

“We are set up Red Robin, bring them through.” Tim could have cried in relief at Batman's voice, but he had some goons to lead.

Tim ran, not bothering to hide as he did. Luckily the goons did not think about surrounding the alley he was in, and they followed blindly into the bat's trap. He trusted that Bruce and Duke could handle the group, and limped to the Batmobile. It wasn't until Tim got to the driver's side passenger door did the universe have one last laugh at him.

“Well, well, we'll. Let's make a deal, little red bird.” Out of all the people to corner Tim, it had to have been the wannabe leader of the small time gang.

“Depends, is the deal you turn yourself in?” Tim automatically snarked.

“Nah, open the Batmobile, or I shoot you here.” The man sneered.

“Fine, fine.” Tim opened the driver's door and scooted away, his hands away from his sides.

“Good, keep backing up Red.”

Once Red Robin was far enough for the man, he turned and went to get into the car, only for the door to close on the man repeatedly. Tim could not help but just watch as the car kept smacking the guy until he managed to get into the seat. Unfortunately for the gang leader his hand was not fast enough and got slammed between the door and frame. Based on the crack and responding scream, the hand was very much broken. With a last open and close, the engine started, and the Batmobile drove straight into the group of goons and vigilantes.

Tim watched in morbid curiosity as Batman and Signal heard the car roaring towards them. Watched as they grappled upwards with just a small moment from them getting run over. Watched as 3 goons did not have time to move out of the way and got tossed onto the hood, only to slide off at the jerky stop of the car. It wasn't until Batman barked “Report.” over the comms did Tim snap out of his daze.

“The leader of the gang got into the Batmobile, and proceeded to try to run you guys over.” Tim slowly responded. “He held me at gunpoint and I couldn't move fast enough to do anything but let him. How did the failsafes fail at keeping him from driving?” Tim's voice petered out with the question.

The car door then slammed open and the leader fell out of the seat, and tried to scramble as far from the car as he could. It didn't take long for Batman to grab the man for questioning.

“Hey man, you good to move?” Tim startled when Duke appeared in front of him.

“Ya, ya. I have a GSW to my right calf, got grazed a few times in different places, possibly going into shock.” Tim dutifully reported.

“Got it, up and at ‘em.”

Duke carefully walked Tim to the Batmobile and settled him into the back seats, tightened the bandage on his leg, and put bandages on his other wounds. It wasn't until Duke went to go help Batman clean up and triage the remaining goons did he say something strange.

“Stay put, Red Robin. Keep him safe ok?” With the second request, Duke patted the driver's seat and left him alone in the car.

“What?”

Next

@kizzer55555 @sebas-nights @candeartist422 @trappednyourheart @fandom-life-corrupted-me @tkiesai @2lbballpeenhammer @admiralwidow @rewrittenwrongs @whotfevenknowsanymore @symmetricalastigmatism

@thespacedragons

@atinygracie @okami-love

@lesbian-spider-drone @1n0sss @forgetmenot-bluepurple

[xelity]

how batfamily members would play stardew valley

if this has been done before, woops

Bruce: does not understand the game at all. he has 0 hearts with everyone because he keeps accidentally giving them garbage as gifts. His farm is burnt down, his crops are trampled, all of his animals are dead. He can only play co-op farms since he doesn’t know how to play on his own. His favorite character is Shane (he thinks he can fix him). His favorite thing to do is follow his kids around to see what they’re doing/making. Also, his farm is always overgrown.

Dick: he’s significantly better than Bruce but he also only plays co-op. He just gets too bored when he plays by himself. He has shared farms with practically everyone, but he mostly plays on his and Barbara’s farm. He likes to spend time playing it with her, and he’ll always make her sweet gifts/structures in the game (i.e., a date night spot for their farmers outside). His favorite character is Elliot, because Elliot also has great hair (he’s a ginger). He likes to go foraging but he’s royally bad at it and always gets lost. The only reason his farm might be organized, is because Barbara gets annoyed when she can’t get through it quickly.

Barbara: she’s a god at the game. She has the farmhouse completely upgraded, she has full hearts with everyone (except Shane and Elliot. She thinks they’re annoying and does not want to associate herself with them). She has the biggest barns and coops, and has her part of the farm entirely organized into different sections with signs and everything. Very pretty overall. Her favorite character is Sebastian because you guys just don’t get him. She likes all of the ‘professions’, but if she’s playing with other people she’ll mostly focus on mining and organizing everything. Her favorite farm is the one she has with Cassandra and Stephanie. They call it the batgirl farm, and no one else is allowed to join.

Jason: he isn’t the greatest but he’s very dedicated. He’ll play co-op with his siblings but he also has a solo farm with over 500 hours on it. He’s obsessed. He puts far too much effort into making his farm look nice, and he has a day-to-day schedule for the game. He gets up and takes care of the farm animals, the crops, and then goes into town to do daily chores. He enjoys it so much that he considers buying a farm in real life, despite Wayne Manor already having a farm. His favorite part of the game is the regular one-day-at-a-time playstyle he can have. He also likes the fishing aspect. His favorite character is Penny, and always romances her to get her away from Pam. 

Tim: he doesn’t play the game very often. He’ll play it with his siblings but he almost never takes it seriously, and will always mess around or find a way to make farm life harder for his siblings. He makes his character look nothing like him and incredibly stupid. The only save he behaves on is the one he shares with Damian, because he knows how much effort Damian puts into Stardew. The only part he really likes is the mining, since he usually only plays action games. His favorite character is Sam (no, Sam does NOT remind him of Bernard, why would you suggest that).

Cassandra: she LOVES stardew, but only on co-op. She tried to have a solo farm like Jason does, but she could not stop getting distracted and can’t save up gold for her life. She has a few co-op farms, but her favorite is the one she has with Duke, Jason, and Damian. Her character has the weird duck mask item and she refuses to change it. Her favorite part of the game is the mining and the foraging. She hardly spends any time in town, but her favorite characters are Evelyn and George. She finds old people adorable. They’re the only people she has multiple hearts with. She despises Alex.

Stephanie: she mostly only started playing because everyone else got into it, but she still has a lot of fun. She doesn’t really participate in the actual work, but instead focuses on socializing and annoying people in the town. She likes to mess around and troll people with Tim. She doesn’t have a single solo farm, and strictly plays co-op. Her and Cass have a modded farm with 100+ hours on it. Her favorite character is Haley.

Duke: he's the one that originally introduced everyone to stardew valley, and he loves it even more than Cass does. It's his favorite game. He'll play solo, or co-op, or with mods. He mostly focuses on fishing and farming, but he loves it all. He forces his siblings to play with him all of the time. He tries to make organizers and planners for it, but he always ends up spending his gold on a whim and can never keep track of his stuff. That's why Jason is one of his favorite people to play with, because Jason can always re-find it for him. His favorite characters are Abigail and Sam. He thinks they're cool.

Damian: he's obsessed with the game. he has to be the very best at everything, but ESPECIALLY this. He'll spend hours at a time working on his farm, taking care of the animals, and upgrading his character. He only ever goes into town to buy things from Pierre, but he adores Evelyn, George, and Leah. They're the only people he interacts with. He regularly plays the game with his siblings, but he loves playing with Barbara the most. She has a similar organization set up to him, and it makes it easier for him to communicate how he wants the farm to be. His favorite thing is to go foraging, and also to take care of the farm animals in the mornings.

Alfred: he doesn't actually play the game, but he loves hearing about it. Jason will come over at least once a week just to tell Alfred about what's new on his farm. He says that he spends enough time caring for their actual farm, but everyone theorizes that he secretly plays on their accounts. They've woken up to days worth of progress randomly done on their farms, and have found gifts placed in their chests and houses. His favorite character is Harvey.

Co-op farms they have:

Wayne Farm - Giant farm they coded to fit everyone. Most frequent players are Bruce, Cassandra, Damian, and Dick.

Batgirls Farm - Farm they made just for the various Batgirls. It has Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie only.

Stardew Farm - Cassandra, Duke, Damian, and Jason. It's a farm for those more serious (obsessed) about Stardew.

Artist Farm - Tim and Damian's shared save. Mostly used for art inspiration.

[rgr-pop]

i haven’t read the surrogacy book (i actually do intend to, because of all of this!) and it is absolutely fanning the natalist* flames, that’s true. and it’s doing so partially on purpose, it is making a provocation to be provocative! there’s a lot more context there, though. for one, we’re in the middle of a nu social reproduction revival, and i see this book as part of that literature, and timely. but it is also timely politically, and i do imagine (hope?) that lewis has observed this sort of new wave of biologic nationalism--i’m sure she had finished the book by the time n*gle published the borders article, but thinkers savvier than i must have seen that coming, given the state of borders and population paranoia around the white globe. plus, i assume (again: hope?) this book in some ways addresses some of the creeping terrors of alienation (”atomization”) that are leading to this: n*gle for example writes a book arguing that atomization (the disruption of the family) incubated this new global right. it is obviously time for the left to be reading and writing books against the family.

i have been very surprised that it is the “against the family” part of the surrogacy book that has been so controversial everywhere, and all across the left. it seems like that critique should be familiar to absolutely everyone, fundamental even. the kind of technocratic claims (cannot assess until i read!) should, to me, have been the ones that people were freaking out about--and those are the ones that are transparently experimental and probably inflammatory. (and those kinds of arguments have a much different position in the feminist canon, but, again, cannot assess until i read.) but what’s actually happening is “parenting is labor, in fact productive labor in capitalism, including the labor of labor” is fucking tearing everyone apart, from anarchists to dsa caucuses to podcast accellerationists and, most of all, everyone in the strasserite wars. they are losing their fucking MINDS. they saw “abolish the family” and leaped off their fucking roofs. absolute fuckin hysteria.

but ALC is another thing entirely. imo she is your average (absolutely dead average except for being basically bari weiss) wealthy liberal. she’s not a leftist of any stripe, even though she occasionally speaks about or on behalf of them on her twitter. so she contributes some “against the family” tweets, but they are not “against the family,” they are actually just... well, everyone is acccusing her of just doing therapy, which kind of is what it is. she asked what the point of parents were, and somehow none of her weird liz warren philospher fans or any of the enraged were like “a social relation?” instead they were like “your life has sad. family is BIOLOGY and DESTINY” and of course her response was “you think that your parents love you, but they don’t.” this is as far as comp lit will get you, my friends. in any case, everyone seems to agree that good parents or bad parents is a “lottery” or perhaps some kind of inherited “brain worm,” as the kids these days are saying. none of them said: maybe there are reasons that our mothers can’t support us? (silly me! if mothers need supporting, then we must ban abortions, so that we can reward pregnant women with welfare! bruenig welfare.)

my point here being that ALC was being deliberately inflammatory--and, okay, she’s big Not a Genius, again, that’s the best you can hope for a rich comp lit grad--and, it worked, in that, again, the natalists are saying “they are coming for our FAMILIES.” they already hate (and maybe hatefollow) her because she is like an obnoxious comp lit liberal on twitter who everyone hates, and also because a lot of these people (obvs) love to hate trans women (although this trend isn’t nearly as easy to predict in this milieu as I would have thought. much like regular t*rfs themselves, they are all the hell over the place.) (in that screenshot i posted, the OP is one of aimee’s reply girls, and the person who responded to her is some kind of leftist european who also posts a lot about the trans threat. an anti-trans activist? in MY “it’s biology actually”?). 

none of this is new for ALC. for those of you who haven’t heard of her, she somewhat notoriously wrote, well, this. i don’t want to be flat-out mean about this part, but if i’m being honest, the way i interpret her career is that she was handed a pedigree that allows her to sell sanitized summaries of twenty-year-old intra-community trans issues to NPR tote bags. (the mean part is I truly think she believes she has conjured her own ideas at some point in her life. she hasn’t.) I think she was being deliberately inflammatory but I’m not even entirely convinced that she mounted this “conversation” in light of the aforementioned conversations; not sure she has the range. (she definitely does not have the range to be a cryptofascist!) but, still, “parenting is labor that operates a way in capitalism” is absolutely outside of her vision! not to bolster the “she’s just trying to make us therapize her” argument, which I find mostly annoying, it does seem, like, true, that this is a much harder thing to understand if you are rich. and I don’t yet know how to explain it in a way that raises the consciousness of the wealthier!** you DON’T have to love your rich mom, but it would be nice not to see “mothers are a social problem, the problem is mothers” from people who went to duke or wellesley u know

*henceforth this is how i refer to all the “left” organizing around the issue of population & the family who are elsewhere cyberbullied as “cryptofascist”

**wait, maybe I do! “social reproduction”

[bigskydreaming]

AU where Dick and Jason realized early on that their differences were actually all due to the same problem, one they had in common: Bruce is an ass. And so instead of continually butting heads, they agreed to call a truce and not let Bruce’s continued status as an Ass come between them. Allied against the Ass.

And thus they actually had a good sibling relationship, with Jason going to Dick when Bruce’s Asininery grew to unbearable levels, because GOD could Dick relate, and no way would he betray his little bro by letting Bruce know where he is or let him see Jason before Jason was good and ready. Because if Dick had had a Dick-like buffer when HE was a teenager butting heads with Bruce in very similar ways, their own conflicts would likely never have grown to the point that they did in canon, and cause a split as deep and long-lasting as the one between Dick and Bruce in canon was.

And maybe when Jason was grown enough that it was time for him to step out of Bruce’s shadow and adopt his own new identity, make room for a new Robin, he and Dick become partners. 

Only Jason being Jason, flat out REFUSES to be the Flamebird to Dick’s Nightwing, the natural other half of that duo, because Flamebird is a terrible name Dick, fuck you, that’s why. It’s LAME. 

Except Dick being Dick, flat out REFUSES to be something other than Nightwing, because he already picked it and is established and he LIKES it and everyone who knows anything about that name (even if its just other heroes who know Clark or Kara well) knows that Nightwing’s partner is supposed to be Flamebird, anything else will be WRONG, god, Jason, you’re the English lit snob, WHY DO YOU HATE SYMBOLISM??

And so finally they settle on a compromise that works for both of them: they’ll BOTH be Nightwing and Flamebird. They’ll take turns, switch off roles. 

Dick’s pleased because a) he gets his way and he’s a shit like that and b) aww his little brother really DOES love him, he’s willing to be Flamebird even some of the time so they can be a proper team, because they’re family, they’re brothers, and that’s more important than pride to both Dick and Jason even if they’re both so obviously prideful that this isn’t always evident. 

And Jason’s less obviously but still equally pleased because a) he didn’t totally cave, he resisted the power of Dick’s unapologetic guilt trips which is no easy feat and really it’s just the principle of the matter, principles are very important to Jason except when they’re not, he’s a shit like that, and b) aww his big brother really DOES love him, its so obviously important to him that he invite Jason into this identity that matters so much to him as a symbol of his independence, him being his own man separate and apart from Bruce, its a family thing, a brother thing.

And then they’re both pleased for an entirely different reason, the reason being that they’re both little shits who fucking love mischief and chaos in counter to Bruce and Batman’s rigid order and control. Oh, the glee once they realize the havoc that their constant switching has on villains and criminals. 

Because see, its not that hard to tell that they do it. Jason’s much bigger and broader than his acrobat older brother by this point, they have entirely different manners of movement even though they know all the same fighting styles, all the same gymnastics tricks. Their differences in size and center of gravity and muscle mass make it impossible to do everything the same, even if the moves are identical. Not to mention Dick physically can’t NOT run his mouth incessantly, whereas Jason’s quite content to stick to some well-timed cursing and catchy threats as punctuation for his beat-downs.

So its common knowledge that sometimes Nightwing is Nightwing and Flamebird is Flamebird and sometimes Nightwing is Flamebird and Flamebird is Nightwing except really doesn’t that still mean Nightwing is Nightwing and Flamebird is Flamebird even when Flamebird is Nightwing and Nightwing is Flamebird?

You see where this might begin to become confusing for their foes and hard to keep track of.

Especially since the Brothers Batty have gotten GOOD at compensating for their obvious differences, they crouch wherever possible in order to mask the difference in heights, they use shadows to obscure muscles and proportions, and they know each other well enough to mimic each other’s patterns and type of speech and banter when its for a good enough reason, like say, fucking with their bad guys’ heads. Like the order of prioritization goes Pride -> The Principle of the Matter -> Standing Firm Against Bruce’s Asininery -> Brothers -> Mischief and Mayhem.

See, its not that they don’t have clear priorities, its that their priorities aren’t immediately obvious to normal people aka non raised by the Goddamn Batman, that Emotional Toddler That We Nevertheless Desperately Seek Approval From, Ugh, Why Are We Like This, Why is HE Like This, Oh Right, We’re Like This Because HE’S Like This, Ugh FUCK BATMAN.

Point being, its not always easy to tell them apart in combat, let alone distinguish which one you’re talking about. 

And sometimes after a long week of patrolling Dick and Jason just kick back at home and replay the audio from their stakeout and resulting beatdown of the latest cabal of supervillains to try and set up shop in Bludhaven, cackling with glee as they listen to their targets ranting about those two damn Birds breathing down their necks.

See apparently, the Boss is really mad about an op Nightwing busted up the other night and one of his suck-up subordinates was like ‘Ugh yeah, me too, Boss man, he totally ruined that meet I was trying to set up with a couple of Gotham Rogues for you’, and then someone else is like no you nitwit, not THAT Nightwing, the OTHER Nightwing, the big one, the first one! You’re talking about Flamebird! 

And then someone else would be like shut up you dumbass, the first Nightwing is the SMALLER one, the one always running his mouth, everyone knows that! The big one is Flamebird! Y’know. Except for when he’s Nightwing.

And then someone else is like, that doesn’t even make sense, why would the first Nightwing be the smaller one, he was FIRST, obviously he’s the older and bigger Nightwing and what are you talking about anyway, the smaller Nightwing isn’t the one always running his mouth, he’s the angry one who says the really fucked up shit that makes you wanna crap your pants cuz like I fucking kill people but that shit is DARK

And then the Boss is like “EVERYONE SHUT UP! Alright. Look. There’s an easy way to settle this: Are we all talking about the Nightwing that hits harder than he kicks or the Nightwing that kicks harder than he hits?”

Which is when someone’s like “Well Flamebird’s definitely the only who hits harder - “ and it all starts up all over again.

Meanwhile, at home, Jason and Dick are on their sides, trying not to bust stitches they’re both laughing so hard.

And don’t even start with the times people hire Deathstroke to kill Nightwing. Because first Slade has to clarify. He’s like: “WAIT. Which Nightwing? Cuz I’ll only kill one of them, the one that’s really - usually - UGH FUCKING HELL - Look I’ll kill one of them but the other one’s off limits. So it depends on which one you want killed.” 

“And they’re like, well which Nightwing is off limits?”

And Dick and Jason REALLY get a kick out of the audio of what THAT devolves into. (They’re in the rafters of the warehouse the meet is happening in the whole time. This is just too fucking good to bust up any sooner than they have to. Slade looks hilarious when he’s frustrated).

Meanwhile, back in the Batcave, a highly confused Bruce is listening to the same audio, Barbara having sent it to him in order to keep him from doing something dumb like storming off to Bludhaven the second he heard Deathstroke was in town and pissing off both his eldest two because CLEARLY, they do not need his help. 

Tim and Damian have no idea whether to sympathize with Bruce over their brothers’ refusal to take this situation as seriously as they obviously should be, or to just find it fucking hilarious. 

Cass and Duke aren’t hindered by the same need to be Team Bruce ever or by weird and arbitrary standards of professionalism, so they just find it fucking hilarious. Their older brothers are the best.

[wet-towel-socrates]

I feel like this might be a party pooper move when Yuuka just came out, but it still should be said. I see a lot of Fem!Yuu fans starting that they feel validated that there's finally a canon female Yuu as a sort of a "fuck you" to the male Yuu fans, but as someone who browses the TWST Tumblr community daily, the majority of the "hate" seems to overwhelmingly come from fem Yuu fans who insist that they treated like they are in the minority when we all know that the TWST community is majority girls/women/female.

I have seen gn and male Yuu fans and blogs who just ask that yuu's gender get appropriately tagged or assert themselves as male/gn only blogs, and then fem Yuu blogs take that statement as active hostility against fem Yuus. Even the opinion that a male Yuu makes more sense in an all boys' school (which, I mean, IT DOES) is somehow taken as an attack against the existence of any fem Yuus or the idea of even entertaining a fem Yuu, which is a huge leap. I mean, I get it. Feminine people want to project themselves into an OC in a game about attractive boys and men, so of course they would get defensive about ANY criticism over a fem Yuu, but Imma being straight with y'all—y'all need to stop acting like the entire community is against fem Yuu lovers or that you were proving the naysayers wrong. Y'all are the MAJORITY. There is no shortage of fics or art for fem Yuus. People with male/gn Yuus have to actively fight for the meager space they are "allowed" to occupy in a fandom that already caters towards straight girls/women. You're tired of the male vs female Yuu discourse? Bruh, the people who insist on bringing it up are fem Yuu fans, at least from my perspective here on Tumblr (this could be completely different on Twitter).

I say this because while many fem Yuu blogs are cool, some can be annoying about this issue, and I know that they are gonna be downright insufferable once Leona and Malleus interact with Yuuka. The shipping content is gonna fucking flood this place. You thought Masquerade Malleus was bad? Oh god, the Malleyuu shippers have yet to even reach their final form.

And don't get me wrong, I love Malleyuu, but OP has a point about the shipping culture in TWST. Yuuka WILL be overwhelmingly shipped with Malleus just by virtue of being female and him a male. And while this could be seen as a preference for hetero pairings over non-hetero pairings, but let's call it for what it is: girls just wanna pair themselves with Malleus and it's harder (but not impossible) to project yourself, a girl, when the self-insert character is a guy. That's it.

And also OP is right with feminist king Leona—if he were feminist he would treat Yuuka the way he treats his peers, which isn't great admittedly, but it's the gender-equal way. Either that or he starts treating all the boys with the same consideration he does with the women in his life (ie his sister in law). I personally would find it patronizing and demeaning if he treated me the way some of you portray Leona "he drinks his respect women juice" Kingscholar. Yuuka seems pretty capable physically and does not need Leona to handle her with kid gloves. I too want to see them really duke it out in a true show of strength, wit, and sheer willpower. That to me would communicate Yuuka's strength of character than any shallow girl boss, "I'm not like other girls" mentality that seems to permeate these kinds of physically capable female characters.

This is still early in Yuuka's story, so there's much to see how this plays out before we make a final verdict on this character. However, if there's one thing I think we should all leave with, it's that we now have male, female, and arguably gn Yuus so everyone stfu, let people enjoy their Yuus, let everyone carve their space for their Yuus, and don't talk shit about anyone's ideas because theyre (not) canon.

History has its eyes on you, Miss Yuuka Hirasaka (a personal rambles and first impression)

Alright, I’ll admit defeat. I never thought that this day will come.

Finally, we’re getting a canonical female Yuu.

Everyone, please welcome Miss Yuuka Hirasaka onto the stage!

This is a very much welcome change of pace for the fandom. This is a clear proof that Yuu can be from all gender, whether gender-neutral like Game Yuu, male like Yuuken and Yuuya, or female like Yuuka.

But, at least, personally speaking, Miss Yuuka has a lot of shoes to fill.

So let’s talk about it.

There are three things I want to say. This is not a hate on the new MC that just came out. This is a personal opinion, but I’m welcome for further discussion.

.

.

.

Keep reading

[craft-rose]

anomaly (pt. 4)

18+ 

Title: anomaly

Pairing: Reader + Jungkook

Rated: M (for coarse language, graphic violence and explicitly sexual themes)

Type: Covenant!AU

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

The second he slid his key into the lock, the gentle click of the mechanism reverberating between two of you and the front door of his massive house, you rocked back on the heels of your shoes, a tense knot in your gut.

Jungkook held the door open, glancing back at you as he entered. “What are you waiting for?” he asked, obvious to the rapid beats of your heart as he looked to you, waiting.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, quickly parting your lips to speak. They were flaky and dry, the moisture having escaped your body earlier, when you were sprawled on the sidewalk in a fit of shock and tears.

“The other members …” You began, the colour draining from your cheeks. “They won’t mind that you’ve brought me here, will they?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, almost amused at your concern. “What, have you never snuck into a boy’s house before?”

Your stomach flipped. “Uh, no. Is that a thing people do past the age of seventeen?”

“When you’re an idol and you live in a house with six other guys, one of whom who’s always on your case, yes,” Jungkook answered, holding his hand out to you. “It’s most definitely ‘a thing’.”

You glanced down at his hand, surprised to find that it was in a less than perfect state. His fingers were long and slender, and his nails were in nice shape, not too long, but he had a few cuts along his knuckles, as if he’d been in a fight of some sort. Suddenly remembering what he had told you about duking it out with Cameron in the café, you felt your stomach drop.

He’s hurt.

Thoughts in disarray, you accepted the hand he had offered to you, startled by how cold he felt as he helped you inside.

“You’re freezing …” You whispered to him, without thinking.

He clapped his other hand over your mouth, shooting a look to either side of the foyer as if he were a guard dog, trained to be on high alert. Without a word, he took his hand away, using his left index finger to motion for you to be quiet.

You obeyed, wheeling a look around the entryway of his house as he checked around the corner to make sure the coast was clear.

There were all sorts of shoes and coats and hats and umbrellas piled around in various corners. It was plainly obvious that you had entered the home of seven young men. Your apartment wasn’t exactly the tidiest place on earth, but it may as well have been a medical office compared to the BTS house. In all fairness they were probably too busy to clean. Even jogging their in the middle of night, there were BTS advertisements plastered everywhere in the city.

Only then did you come to terms with where you were and who lived there.

Jungkook came tiptoeing back just in time, nodding his head to the hallway, motioning for you to follow. You quickly slipped off your shoes, holding them in one hand before tiptoeing behind the young idol. He was a couple of years younger than you, and he certainly looked and acted like it, but he was also quite tall. You raced to keep up with his long strides, heart clenching fiercely as you heard the low rhythm of music echoing out from one of the bedrooms around the corner.

It was only as Jungkook halted you with one arm, that you glanced down, realizing you were still wearing his jacket. That’s why he’s so cold. Cheeks prickling with embarrassment, you forcefully shifted your attention back up, looking to Jungkook as he waved you forward a step, to where he was standing.

Suddenly attuned to the muffled voices, footsteps and rumbling melodies which poured in from nearly every direction of the house, you felt a twitch of nervousness in your gut, but you stepped forward nonetheless.

Your nostrils were quickly filled with the fresh scent of his cologne, and you instinctively closed your eyes, throat constricting just a bit as he leaned down to your right ear, his breath warm and minty.

“Listen, OP, Seokjin is in the kitchen right now, making something to eat. Any second now, he’s going to come out and see us,” he whispered, lifting his head to make sure everyone was exactly where he thought they were and then leaning towards you again soon after. “I’m going to create a diversion before that can happen, and when I do, I want you to run as fast as you can to the door at the end of this hallway and hide in that room. No one will look in there. We have an early schedule in the morning. I’ll sneak you out before they wake up. But you have to move fast … okay?”

You gave him your undivided attention, nodding despite the anxious twitches in your stomach.

Before he was able to reiterate the importance that everything went to plan, the weighted rhythm of footsteps against hardwood caught his attention. There was light trailing into the hallway from the kitchen, and the second it was flicked off, Jungkook left your side, dashing around the corner as you dashed forward.

Within that same moment, you found the door at the end of the hallway, and you slipped through it, soundlessly, the distant hum of conversation filling your ears as Jungkook distracted the eldest member of the group. For a brief moment you listened, immersed in total darkness with your ear pressed to the door.

As the voices drowned out, you leaned away from the door, quickly locating the light switch in the room. With one flick, your surroundings were revealed to you in the pale white glow of the bulb.

The walls were plain white, and the furniture, which consisted of a queen-size bed, a desk and a chair, was made of wood and coloured in a light, oak stain. You figured he had directed you into the guest bedroom. Granted, it wasn’t the most secretive of places but it appeared to be relatively comfortable.

With one look at the bed, the pale blue covers of which appeared soft, warm and freshly washed, you felt the fatigue wear down on you all at once.

You had gone from working on a school assignment, to clubbing, to nearly getting yourself killed in your aunt’s café, to this. Somehow, sneaking into the BTS house had been the least concerning thing you had done that night.

Suddenly exhausted, you nearly missed the click of the door as Jungkook ducked inside.

“Hey … sorry for taking so long,” he said to you quietly, causing you to jump out of your skin in shock as you spun around.

Heart beating fast, you just about forgot where you were. “I-it’s okay,” You uttered, turning away to hide the embarrassed flush of your cheeks. “So, is this where I’m going to stay tonight?”

Ignoring your little outburst, Jungkook nodded. “This used to be our manager’s room, but he’s on paternity leave so no one really uses this space anymore. Sometimes the older members bring their dates here but we’re promoting right now. No time for ... stuff.”

You followed along, glancing to the door as the sound of footsteps echoed in from the hallway. “You’re absolutely sure no one will think to look in here?”

Jungkook nodded. “Positive.” Shifting a look down at your attire, the light bulb in his head had abruptly turned on. “Oh, right. You need clothes to sleep in. I’ll be right b —”

“Wait,” You interjected perhaps a little too loudly. He released the doorknob, looking to you with question marks in his dark brown eyes. Briefly losing your train of thought, you spared a second to think. “I … I know you said I was in danger, and that I probably shouldn’t go home tonight because of that, and I believe you, but … surely I should warn my roommate. What if Cameron goes to the apartment looking for me? What if he goes to my aunt’s place? Sh-she has a newborn baby. If anyone is harmed because of me, I-I —”

“Breathe,” Jungkook instructed, swiftly. “It’s important that you keep calm.”

The rapid beats of your heart only grew faster, harder. “But — but —”

“You can’t overwhelm yourself or you’re only going to faint again … or worse,” he furthered, as if referring to what happened back at the café, the way you slammed Cameron down to the floor using strength you didn’t know you had.

Plagued by the mental image of him motionless, a pool of crimson under his head, you felt your stomach lurch and your forehead begin to drip sweat.

“What’s happening to me?” You asked, glancing ahead at Jungkook.

Hovering less than a foot away from you, he extended both his hands, palm up, as if inviting you to place yours on top.

On instinct you accepted his hands, surprised to find them warm now, almost comforting.

Slowly, he intertwined your fingers with his, and he breathed in, releasing every intake with you, gradually calming you. Your eyelids soon fell shut, and you suddenly felt as if you were sleeping … dreaming.

There was a forest — trees as high as the clouds, grass as green as you had ever seen, and a small cabin. For whatever reason, you felt as if you had been there before but you knew that not to be the case. When you went camping as a kid, you had only ever slept in tents. Never a cabin. You knew you were only imagining it, conceiving it with your mind, but it felt so real, as though you could smell the freshness in the air if you breathed in hard enough, as though you could physically reach out and touch the trees, the grass, and the tiny brass doorknob leading into the cabin.

The second you thought to try, you felt your stomach clench and your heart begin to pound, fast and hard, your body frozen in shock as the cabin burst into bright, violent flames. Shaking from the inside out, you squeezed your fists, and you were startled as Jungkook squeezed back.

Suddenly, as if waking up from the depths of a nightmare, your eyes shot open and you sucked in a lungful of air, Jungkook standing right there in front of you, looking at you as though he knew exactly what you had just seen … as though he had seen the same thing in the same way, perhaps at the same exact time.

On instinct you tore your hands, backing away from him. “What the hell did you do to me?” You demanded, quietly as to not be heard by anyone but him, your eyes the size of slits, pooling with a blend of fear and uncertainty.

To your surprise, Jungkook kept his distance, acutely aware of how delicate of a situation the two of you had landed yourselves in.

“It wasn’t just me,” he explained, looking to you calmly but firmly. “It was you, too.”

“What are you talking about?” You blurted, raising your voice a little higher. “A-all of this weird stuff has been happening and it all started when I saw you on the train the other night. What  are you?” You felt your chest contract at Jungkook stepped forward, probably to get you to be quiet. Before he could say or do anything, you backed up again, peeling your lips apart to continue. “What the fuck do you WANT? Better yet, why have you been following m —” Bumping into the bed, your body froze, this time for real, and your eyes flew wide open as Jungkook raced forward, clapping his hand over your mouth, again.

“Shut up,” he interjected, clearly afraid of getting caught by the other members. With one glance at the door to make sure the coast was clear, he shifted his gaze back to you, the fear in his eyes only partially melting away. “Just shut up for a second and listen.”

You were in no position to argue, nor to do anything other than stand there, his hand clasped over your mouth, hoping he wasn’t going to flip a switch on you like Cameron.

Sensing your trepidation, Jungkook hesitantly released you, but he was still very close, his every breath tickling your little baby hairs.

“That cabin you saw,” he began. “It exists in the real world. I’ll take you there to prove it.”

You felt your chest rise and fall inside your clothes as you tried to inhale and exhale, calming the tense, anxious twitch in your gut. “How do you know what I saw?”

There was an empty, the distant winds outside filling the silence before he tentatively spoke.

“I know because I’ve seen it, too. As have the other members,” the young idol explained, sparing a moment afterward, as if waiting for you to freak out again. When you didn’t, he carried on. “It-it was where our parents used to meet. It was where they used to practice.”

“Practice …” You whispered back, distantly, question marks in your eyes. “Practice what?”

Jungkook chewed his bottom lip, contemplating how to say the rest, as if he, himself had trouble believing it sometimes. “You know how you slammed Cameron down to the floor with strength you didn’t know you had?” he asked, earning a single nod from you. “That’s the sort of thing our parents used to practice in that cabin. Strength, speed, agility, everything there is that makes us who we are. Granted, you’re kind of a late bloomer, but I can probably teach you the basics if we started s —”

“My parents are dead.”

The words slipped through your lips so quickly, you had to consciously remind yourself they had actually come out, they weren’t just a thought.

“Whoever — whatever — you think I am, you have the wrong person,” You uttered to him. “My parents have been dead for almost my entire life. They’ve never been to that cabin, and what happened to Cameron was an accident. In fact I-I should have called the police on the spot. I-I could have saved him if I had just called the am —”

“Y/N, please, just listen to me. I know this all sounds crazy, but I’m telling the truth. You’re bound by the covenant, just like me, and it sucks, but if you keep letting your powers fly off unhinged, you’re going to hurt y—”

“The ‘covenant’? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you SAYING?”

“It’ll all make sense once I take you to the cott —”

“No, no, you need to STOP this right now! You’re not taking me ANYWHERE!” You shouted, having had enough of the crazy talk, shoving past him as you raced to the door.

Without a word, Jungkook chased after you, grabbing you by the wrists and spinning you around just as your fingertips grazed the doorknob. The back of your head thumped against the door and for a brief moment you felt dizzy, shaken and out of breath. You slowly came to, Jungkook’s tall outline filling your senses as he hovered a few inches away from you.

“If you leave now, you’re only going to get yourself killed,” he voiced to you plainly, clearly, as if he were speaking the concrete truth. “I’ve already chased after you once. I won’t do it again. Walk through that door and your fate will be in your hands and yours alone.”

You could see that he was serious, that he wasn’t just fucking with you, that for some reason he truly believed your life was in danger.

And yet, the second he released you, the cool air of separation ghosting over your naked wrists, you did exactly as he instructed you not to and you walked through that door, crossing paths with no one as you quietly ducked out the house with his jacket still on.

Yoongi slid a finger between the blinds, watching as the girl from the café jogged down the long, empty driveway, across the street and out of sight. Deep down he knew Jungkook had been onto something the other night, when he had called saying he saw a strange girl on the train. As much as Yoongi would have liked to confirm the suspicions, he knew he couldn’t. He knew Jungkook was better off not knowing, hopefully forgetting this girl and what she represented.

Unfortunately, they were past that point now. He had followed Jungkook out of the house, and he had seen everything he needed to see in order to know … she was one of them.

The eighth.

The missing piece to the puzzle.

The one that should have fit, but didn’t.

[jessgartner]

2018 Life Olympics

Let's get one thing straight: 2018 was not a year. 2018 was actually a decade in annum's disguise. Things happened in January or February 2018 that I would have blindly guessed had occurred at least three years ago. The Winter Olympics, for example. How do you measure a year? In heartburn, in wrinkles, in gray hairs, in stress disorders.

Have you ever had a moment when you come face-to-face with your own specific brand of crazy? (I know the answer is yes because you're reading this and all of my friends and casual observers are a little bit crazy. It takes one to know one). Anywho, the other day I sat down to do my annual reconciliation of goals that I set this time last year... all 32 of them. 32 goals. What the what? What sort of lunatic sets 32 annual goals? Even several days later, I can't even type this without laughing at myself. Some of these goals are things like "Raise X million dollars" - a months-long affair involving dozens or hundreds of tasks. 1/32! I tallied it up and I somehow managed to hit 20 of these crazy goals, in a year that I had written off as "terrible," "horrible," "no good," and "very bad."

Coincidentally, my word for 2019 is "boundaries" - may I set them, may I respect them.

2018 Life Olympics Recap

Career - Bronze

By objective measures, Allovue had a pretty good year. We are now supporting over $10 billion in school budgets for about one million students - milestones of which I'm very proud. We added terrific people to our team, we made huge improvements to the product, we hosted an awesome Summit, and we brought on exciting new partners.

Personally, I just didn't feel like it was my best year. This is partly because I set insane expectations for myself and then felt disappointed when I couldn't match them. My attention was divided across several core functions, which made me feel generally frazzled and unfocused for large swaths of the year. When I get stressed, my instinct is to double-down and work harder, which catalyzes a vicious spiral of overwork/exhaustion.

At least twice this year, I dismissed serious health issues as "probably just from stress" and I got sick more than I have in the past several years combined. Next year, I'm putting boundaries in place to help me focus on the goals that really matter to me and to do so with a clear head and a healthy body.

Home - Did not place

Ooph. The gods of hearth and home were not on my side this year. I had an attempted break-in at my rental house that resulted in someone smashing through my backyard fence Hulk-style. My second-floor ceiling caved-in from water damage. Tenants made a mess of the house, resulting in three months of deep-cleaning and painting (and income-loss). My basement flooded. I discovered (because I smelled gas one night) that the gas line in my house was too small (who even knew that was a thing?) and had to be entirely ripped out and replaced. My taxes increased 300 percent. And to top off the year, a new roof. Throughout all of this, I really tried to exercise gratitude for having house(s) in which things break, but it still sucks to write those checks. I'm praying that all will be quiet on the home-front next year. Please.

::Burns sage::

Health - Bronze

While I felt sick and run-down quite a bit this year, I still did some healthy things that I'm proud of. Early in the year, I made the decision to give up my car when the lease was up. I have always characterized my driving as "all of the adrenaline but none of the skill of Batman" and I think it's maybe safer for everyone if I sit in the passenger seat of cars. I anticipated that I would spend about as much money on transportation with increased rideshare spending, but thought the trade-off of stress and time spent driving would be a net good. I was wrong:

In 2017, I spent $5,067 on transportation. In 2018, I increased my spending on ride-share 1000% but it still didn't come close to the total cost of having a car. In 2018, I spent $2,791, which includes the remaining $550 balance on my car payments. If I take that out and factor in post-car ride-share spending, I'm still saving 50% or more on transportation costs. This is wild. One cost not shown here, since it's a one-time expense, is my new bike. I could buy and outfit a brand new bike every year and still only hit about 75% of my spending level with a car. I'm extremely pleased with this decision.

I also joined a new gym and hired a personal trainer this year. These costs probably offset what I saved in transportation, but I feel good about investing in my health. I exercised more regularly this year than ever before, even if it wasn't quite at the level of frequency I was aiming for, and I built a lot of muscle with weight training.

My biggest health fails this year were 1) eating like crap during busy travel seasons and 2) generally eating way too much sugar. I'm increasingly seeing studies about the long-term health consequences of processed foods and sugar. I don't do well with total elimination diets, but I want to dramatically reduce my intake of sugar, refined carbs, and processed foods, as well as managing my diet better when I'm on the road.

Soul - Silver

Shockingly, this was my best category this year. I hit the most goals in this LO category, which included time for writing, singing, traveling, theatre/concert-going, and other activities that make my soul happy. I saw some terrific performances this year, including Audra McDonald and Cynthia Erivo at BSO, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and A Wonder in My Soul at CenterStage, Waitress at Hippodrome, Ingrid Michaelson at the Beacon, Spring Awakening at StillPointe, Remember Jones at Soundstage, Wye Oak at Ottobar, and Once on This Island on Broadway. I didn't write quite as much as I had hoped (ya'll, I thought I was going to draft two books this year. My concept of time is WILD.) But I still had op-eds published in The Baltimore Sun and Forbes, as well as a few pieces in Medium and on my own blog. I also sang a lot of songs that I loved this year and played the piano more than I have in years. More of all this. I fell short of my 36-book reading goal, but still clocked in a respectable 32 - my second-best reading year since I started tracking in 2012. For the past several years, I've been making a conscious effort to diversify the authors I'm reading. This year, 53% of books I read were authored by people of color and 60% were authored by women. Only 15% were authored by men of color, so that's an area for improvement next year.

Favorite novel(s): Exit West by Mohsin Hamid, Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie

Favorite poetry: Helium by Rudy Francisco, Felicity by Mary Oliver

Favorite business/strategy: The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath; Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke

Favorite memoir/essays: we are never meeting in real life. by Samantha Irby; We're Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union

Relationships - Bronze

I had a fun time engaging with friends and family in new ways this year. I hosted a wine-tasting night and piano concert at my house. I went on trips and to festivals with friends. I also made peace with letting go of some relationships. I spent time with my family and celebrated 21 years of our Boxing Day tradition with my Dad.

I'm taking a hiatus from dating through 2019; at least, a sabbatical from trying. The various apps and profiles have been deleted; my swiping finger is retired. I've been at this game for over a decade with very little success and there's absolutely nothing else in my life that I would invest this much time in for so little joy or purpose. A big part of my goal for 2018 was to retire old narratives that no longer suit me and I decided around November that this story of infinite first dates is just not working for me. For a while, it was fun, then funny. At some point, though, it turned into an exercise in drudgery. I cannot continue to invest this much time and emotional labor and hope into an activity that continuously drains and disappoints me. There is too much else far more worthy of my time and energy: myself, Allovue, my family, my friends - the true loves of my life.

Listen. I see you grinning over there, thinking, "Oh, this is it. Now that she has given up, love is just going to drop right into her lap." I think you've been watching too many Hallmark Holiday movies; this is not The Christmas Crush. This is the real world where men flake and cheat and ghost and zombie and ghost again and I'm all the way over it. Let me be. I can live happily ever after anyway.

Andddd that's a wrap on 2018. I can't say I'm sorry to see it go. I'm closing out the year in Mexico, binge-reading novels, listening to the ocean, doing yoga, eating chilaquiles, and setting a reasonable number of goals that (mostly) adhere to the confines of the space-time continuum. See you on the other side.

[terryblount]

Wolfenstein: Youngblood Review

Let me begin this review by saying the following: I play video games in order to be entertained (well…it’s also my job, but anyway). I don’t care about politics, agendas, races, sexes or whatever else that has nothing to do with gaming. Gaming is my hobby, and I am happy I can do this professionally. Having said that, my goal is to let you know whether a game is worth your hard-earned money or not. With this out of the way, let’s continue.

Discussing Wolfenstein Games

My last video review was on Wolfenstein: The Old Blood, back in 2015. While The New Order along with The Old Blood amused me, I wasn’t really a fan of The New Colossus. The game had very lengthy cutscenes, which felt unnecessary in a game where you should be shooting Nazis from start to finish. The New Colossus also wandered away from the more serious tone of the prior two games and tried to be funny but sometimes failed.

In case you don’t know, these rebooted Wolfenstein games have had rather serious tones, especially when compared to other FPS titles like DOOM, Serious Sam, or of course Duke Nukem. So with Youngblood they’ve greatly expanded the humor, which can be both bad and good. They’ve also went to great lengths to make this game feel almost completely different, which is also bad and good and makes me both happy and sad.

From the development side, it’s very noticeable that Arkane Studios (Dishonored, Prey) also worked on this game, along with MachineGames (the creators of the previous three Wolfenstein games). At first I thought the inclusion of a studio like Arkane could be awesome, but I became concerned when watching some gameplay videos. It turns out my fears were right. Maybe the two studios couldn’t mesh their different styles, or maybe something else happened, but Youngblood is a big mess.

I think the screenshot says it all.

Story Time & The ‘Terror Twins’

You play as one of the twin daughters of William Joseph (BJ) and Anya Oliwa Blazkowicz, named Jessie (Jes) and Zofia (Soph). It’s been twenty years since BJ killed Hitler and liberated the world from Nazis. Now, in the 1980s, for unknown reasons BJ has disappeared and the twins embark on an allegedly epic adventure to find ‘papa’ Blazkowicz, leading you to Nazi occupied Paris.

Jes and ‘papa’ Blazkowicz, enjoying a little bit of hunting.

The story mostly makes no sense and has little depth or sophistication. However, since this is a brainless first person shooter, I really don’t mind. It’s clear from the start the game is not trying to be serious, anyway.

I will confess I didn’t expect to like the new protagonists after playing so many times as BJ. For me, though, they are awesome. They’re fearless like papa but also funny, dorky, and sort of nuts. For instance, there’s an early cutscene where the twins attempt to kill a Nazi for the first time, which is hilarious and disgusting at the same time. Most of the dialogues between them are pretty funny, even if the writing is not that great overall, which is a plus for me.

First blood for the youngbloods!

“We were born to kill Nazis.” –Jes trying to convince the resistance leader to help them.

Now don’t get me wrong with my praise for the twins. I still love playing as BJ and I really like him, but he’s a very grim guy. So if I have to choose between serious or fun, I will always choose fun, even if I am not used to playing as female characters in first person games. I’m pretty sure that even the Doomguy agrees with me since we are talking about his “aunts.” At least these twins are way better than the Far Cry: New Dawn twins.

Soph and ‘mama’ Blazkowicz, enjoying a little bit of fighting/training.

Graphics, Performance, & Controls

Youngblood looks good, and the game engine (id Tech 6) works like a charm. The performance is remarkable, and I had basically zero problems with the game. I had some minor random stutters, but I am not completely sure it was the game’s fault. Either way it’s nothing to be concerned about. I only wish you could disable motion blur and weapons effects completely. I hate motion blur and some of the weapon effects fogged my vision. For more details on the subject you can read John’s performance analysis.

Half an hour into the game and I already don’t like these guys.

“We ain’t killed no Nazis .”

–Soph reminding her sister that they haven’t killed any Nazis.

The game controls just fine. I didn’t notice any kind of forced acceleration or smoothing. You can change the FOV (field of view), but unfortunately you cannot disable or even lower the atrocious head bobbing. I usually don’t mind it, but in this case it gave me headaches and the strong need of a good dose of Dramamine. The UI and menus are fine, even if the menus are totally designed for consoles.

Sound & Voice Acting

I love the short elevator cut-scenes and the 80’s music in the elevators. During gameplay the sounds are fine, but I couldn’t fall in love with the gun sounds. The voice acting is pretty good overall, with the twins voice acting being great. So the audio design is acceptable but nothing special.

Shooting Nazis In The Jugular

So let’s get down to business: gameplay. Sorry guys, but the game doesn’t play well. I know they tried to mix it up with new ideas, but they failed. After the introduction you reach the Paris catacombs, where the base of operations is located. From there you can restock ammunition, health, and armor.

“I only hunt Nazis Jes, not animals.” –Soph

Also in the base of operations you can talk to different NPCs (non player characters) and receive new side missions. Paris is divided into different areas you can fast travel to once you’ve unlocked the areas. Keep in mind that the game does not tell you which missions are main or side ones, which is weird.

More microtransactions?! Awesome, I love microtransactions, especially in single player games. Oh right, I almost forgot there is also co-op…

All areas are crawling with enemies, and you can engage them stealthily or go full-frontal. Of course you can also avoid them, though some areas are harder to sneak by unnoticed. Most obnoxiously, whether you clear out an area of enemies or not, all the enemies will respawn when you return, Far Cry 2 style. What a bullshit.

It’s especially terrible because you will be forced to return to many of the same areas in various missions, so you will have to redo everything from the beginning. Thankfully there are several different paths, which allow you to avoid most enemies. The world building is very familiar to Dishonored 2, likely because Arkane Studios was involved in the development.

“How the fuck should I know?” –Jes after being asked if they can make it, right before they jump without a parachute from an enemy zeppelin.

As for navigating the world using a map, the game doesn’t have a classic map. Instead you get an overview map just like in Dishonored 2, thus making path-finding really hard most of the time. The mini-map doesn’t really help either. Sometimes it took me five minutes to clear an area and twice that to find my way out. Thankfully you can fast travel from anywhere back to the base of operations, but everything will respawn, as noted already.

Weapons, Leveling Up & Some Other RPG Crap

Even though the shooting mechanics are pretty solid and most weapons feel unique with upgrades and attachments, I didn’t enjoy the weapons (even with all the upgrades and attachments). That’s probably because all enemies including the playable characters have levels. You read that right. Youngblood is yet another FPS to include RPG elements, just like Far Cry: New Dawn did recently.

Why is this leveling stuff in here? I really don’t get it, seriously. Making all human enemies bullet sponges only works in specific games. Even The Division 2 realized the problem with this type of design. I get they want to make the game lengthier and grindier, but it’s a god damn lazy and stupid game design.

How on earth did they manage to get these pictures? I will admit though, they look terrorific!

There are also two kinds of ammunition and some guns will do less damage to specific enemies. So you always have to check the enemy health bar to see what kind of ammunition is needed in order to achieve maximum damage. It feels like a chore, plain and simple. I find it completely unnecessary, particularly in a game where there are no limitations on how many guns you can carry.

“Just like daddy taught us.” –Jes after she and her sister wipe a whole enemy squad.

Since there is a level up system you also have skills available for purchase. None of these skills are anything original or even interesting. They even included lame skills like ‘extra health’ and ‘extra armor.’ Jesus… what the hell happened? You can unlock some melee skills that will make the game a joke. It’s way faster and easier to go and stab everyone in the face instead of shooting them, seriously.

Micro-transactions & Greed

To make things even worse, you can also buy stuff with real money. Yes, microtransactions are part of the game, with payable upgrades, skins, and boosters. Can you finish the game without paying for anything? Definitely, but that’s not the point. Even if these are “cosmetic” only, the whole practice is unethical, scummy and greedy as fuck. Screw microtransactions and shame on all publishers who push tactics as such. Also who cares for skins in a first person shooter?

Where the hell is all the blood? The gore is seriously messed up in this game.

Other Weird Game Issues

The game has weird blood effect logic relating to your armor suit. This is the same armor BJ used to wear, and it made sense when no bullets would penetrate it until the last shots, which then produced blood effects. In Youngblood when you get shot, you see blood squirts all the time, as if you’re armor suit doesn’t even work. It’s like some developer forgot to toggle off the effect.

“Yeah, that was a trip to creep city.” –Soph after being asked by Jes if she had “the talk” with their mom.

The dismemberment and gore system is also messed up, being almost completely random. Sometimes you can unload a whole clip into an enemy without damaging his body. Other times you shoot just once and open a hole in his chest. It really gets on my nerves when selling points of a game don’t work as intended, like RAGE 2 (another Bethesda-published game) having problems with blood and bullet decals. At least two months later they fixed it (in reality they fucked it even more). Thank you Bethesda…

Here the blood works as intended. What the hell?! Seriously, I have no idea what is going with Bethesda’s games lately.

AI & Stealth

The enemy AI is horrible, just awful. Enemies walk past you while you are in ‘cloak’ mode, but they can still tilt their heads and look straight at you while they keep on walking in a different direction. It’s hilarious and creepy, especially the first time you see it. Stealth is toned down compared to the previous games, even if you have the ‘cloak’ ability available from the beginning.

“Slick as a whistle, as daddy used to say.” –One of the twins right after they complete their mission objective.

The AI of your sister is actually not bad and she rarely blows your cover. Of course you will still do most of the killing, but she will assist when she can. One thing she doesn’t seem able to do is to use cover and melee. Actually, the cover system is awesome, ripped straight out of Medal of Honor (2010), where you can lean to every direction instead of being limited to left or right.

If the twins had a wish, it would be to bring him back to life, so they could kill him again.

Glorious Finishers?!

I used to enjoy finishers in the Wolfenstein games but not anymore. The animations are far too few and many don’t connect properly. They feel floaty. Sometimes the combat finishers don’t even work. When they do work and you manage to disarm the enemy, there is some fun to to be had with choosing to automatically play out the finisher or rapidly shoot to empty a whole magazine into an enemy. The later choice can be extremely satisfying, but it’s still not enough to make much of a difference in this disaster of a game, which brings us to our conclusion.

That’s what you get when you block other people’s shots.

R.I.P. Wolfenstein

Even if the game has some small parts that are actually good, the rest of it is just dreadful. This game might actually be the death of the series and no twin badass sisters can save it from doom. Honestly don’t even bother, especially if you are planning to play solo. Now if you like FPS games with RPG elements and you don’t care about the things I mentioned, then you will probably enjoy this game. I obviously didn’t.

“To capitaine Blazkowicz, cheers!”

-Juju, just Juju, enough said.

Ohhh. Come on, bucko. Don’t you want a… balloon?

I didn’t even finish the game because the last boss is actually SpongeBob himself. Seriously, the last fight lasts for ages, only because you have to shoot the boss a crap ton of times. If you don’t care about spoilers you can watch this video (FYI the video starts at the final phase), or any video as a matter of fact and see for yourselves. The amount of time you need to spend to take him down it’s absurd and plain dull, which can honestly summarize the whole game experience.

The Blazkowicz twins

Great performance

Cover System

Map design

Forgettable side characters

Absence of regular map

Bullet spongy enemies

Uninspired boss fights

Dull fetch side quests

Microtransactions

Enemy respawn

Boring skills

Terrible AI

No pause

DRM

Computer Specs: CPU: i5 4440, GPU: Palit 1660Ti OC 6GB, RAM: G.Skill Ripjaws X 16GB HDD: Crucial 275GB MX300, OS: Win7, 1080p

Playtime: 10+ hours total.

The post Wolfenstein: Youngblood Review appeared first on DSOGaming.

Wolfenstein: Youngblood Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

[gyrlversion]

JAN MOIR: Surely not another coffee shop clogging up the high street

Someone please make it stop. It was revealed this week that four new coffee shops open in Britain every day, with another 6,500 scheduled to open by 2023.

This effectively means that in four years’ time there will be more than 32,000 coffee shops clogging up UK streets, most of them faceless outposts of the international chains. And you won’t get a halfway decent cup of coffee in most of them.

What seems to be the problem, ma’am? Only that despite their ubiquity, the offerings from the majority of coffee chains veer from the bland and forgettable to the downright bad or unpleasant.

It was revealed this week that four new coffee shops open in Britain every day, with another 6,500 scheduled to open by 2023 – most of which are big chains like Cafe Nero

And please, barista, make sure the water is scalding hot so that it peels the skin off my hand when spilled, thank you kindly. Any chance of a stale blueberry muffin, an inferior sandwich assembled at some far distant central facility, or a factory-made, microwaved croissant that tastes like a buttery floor cloth? Well, don’t mind if I don’t.

I used to buy a coffee on my way to work most mornings, sometimes from a chain, occasionally from a fancy but glum independent which sells cinnamon buns for a fiver and a tiny latte for £3.

‘With not very good latte art,’ someone moaned on a review website recently. As if that were the deal breaker, instead of the adventurous pricing, the double depresso service and the grim coffees that make the whole process such a cheerless, expensive waste of time.

Now I have fresh coffee at home, instant at work and have cut the chains out of my life. Cry freedom from the tyranny of the frappuccino fiends! I might buy myself a small Cessna jet with the money saved.

Yet despite the lack of quality on offer, coffee shops are now everywhere. And, sadly, their unstoppable proliferation — along with vaping shops, tattoo parlours, charity shops and shops that sell covers for your mobile phone — is turning British High Streets into windblown tundras, bereft of the tiniest waft of culture or beauty.

The Starbucks Venti is just a pint of coffee in a charmless mug or a cardboard coffin, Moir writes

And there is still little end in sight to the expansion of chains such as Caffe Nero, Costa, Greggs, Pret A Manger (actually, I love Pret) and Starbucks, to name a few. Obviously, selling 11 grams of coffee and a shot of hot milk for £2 plus is a lucrative business for all involved.

Today, coffee chains are like burger chains, complete with lots of advertising campaigns, central sites and huge rents to pay. In prime positions in every High Street, they are the most visible representation of our changing culture and they continue to boom as pubs go bust. Why? Younger people are drinking less, while Britain’s mix of ethnicities and religions has also had an effect — especially when one considers 56 per cent of non-whites declare themselves teetotal, compared to only 16 per cent of whites.

Beer duty and business rates have also taken their toll on pubs, where demanding customers now want craft beers, silly gins, food and their ghastly children to be admitted.

So coffee has surged into this vacuum, and who could blame it?

I pass eight coffee outlets on my walk to work, including Danish chain Joe & The Juice. What the heck is that all about? Joe seems to be full of silent young people tapping away on phones and laptops.

Bonhomie and conversational skills have been washed away by technology, amid the atmosphere of a trendy morgue.

Their advertising campaign suggests the ideal Joe customer is an attractive Nordic skateboarder with a lizard tattoo. All the better to raise your glass of Sex Me Up juice (please, no) along with your avo wrap and turmeric shots.

Perhaps it’s not them, it’s me? Yet there is still a place in my heart for the good, independent coffee shop. When I first moved to London, how I loved those Italian coffee places with their hissing machines and great walls of sandwiches in glass cabinets, generously stuffed with about three inches of egg mayonnaise or crammed with ham.

In prime positions in every High Street, the chains are expanding exponentially and replacing pubs because younger people are drinking less

In Cornwall, imaginative independents thrive, such as the Honey Pot in Penzance and the Cook Book Cafe in St Just, where the owner makes heavenly sandwiches with bacon from her own pigs.

To walk into any of the Bettys Tea Rooms in Yorkshire is to be assailed with the aromas from another age: fresh baking, savoury toast, roasted coffee beans. And, oh, the civility could make you weep. Tablecloths, milk jugs, sugar tongs, a smile.

There is no comparison between a lovely coffee served in a perfect china cup and saucer at Brasserie Zedel in Central London and a monstrosity such as the Starbucks Venti — over a pint of coffee in a charmless mug or a cardboard coffin.

So, hello darkness my old friend. I’ve come to drink you up again. Although not in a chain, never in a chain, even as they become increasingly hard to avoid.

Don’t shed a tear for evergreen Eva

Eva Green revealed she feels insecure about reaching her 40s next year because acting ‘depends on the desire’ of others

Eva Green is an exquisite beauty. However, at the age of 38, the actress (pictured) is worried about the ageing process.

Eva, a word. Only when one gets older — much, much older — will you truly understand what a perfect age 38 is and how lucky you are to be perched there, on the cliff face of life. Most of the early angst is over, but you are still pre-40 watershed. Make the most of it!

Yet Eva feels insecure about reaching her 40s next year because acting ‘depends on the desire’ of others. ‘Will people still like me?’ she frets.

Possibly not, if you carry on like this, darling.

But let us not mock Eva, for I honestly believe the ageing process is so much harder on the beautiful and the damned.

If you have been used to the warm and appreciative male gaze all your life, it must feel very chilly when it begins to fade.

The gain of feeling no pain

You might not believe this, but there is a woman in Scotland who feels no pain and never complains. No, it’s not me.

Her chemical imbalance means that she is also always in a good mood, which means she is definitely not me and neither is she Lorraine Kelly, who admitted last week in a tax hearing that her super-cheery on-screen persona was fake. (Can I just pause here to mention that Lorraine has also just revealed that she never takes off her bra, not even when she goes to bed, which is even more shocking.)

Jo Cameron is the remarkable woman whose unusual gene mutations stop pain signals reaching her brain. For 71-year-old Jo, childbirth was a breeze; she only needed aspirin for a painful operation; she walked away from a serious car accident, and she munches on scotch bonnet peppers as if they were plums. When she was a little girl, she didn’t even notice she had broken her arm roller-skating.

Jo Cameron (left) has led a virtually pain-free life due to a rare genetic mutation that affects just one in several million

It makes you strong, but it also makes you weak. She had no indication that her hip was crumbling, or that osteoarthritis had pushed a thumb bone into her palm.

Experts believe her condition is only found once in every several million people and she is now helping medical experts explore the parameters of pain management, especially for those who suffer chronic pain after surgery. In a way, I’m glad that she discovered this at a late age — one can only imagine what medical science might have wanted her to do earlier.

What a remarkable story. She has never felt pain in her life, but I bet she still runs screaming from the room when someone mentions Brexit. Or Lorraine’s bra.

 Havana truly bizarre time

Has there ever been a more hilarious royal tour than the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall’s recent 12-day jaunt to the Caribbean? Every second was a joy, for us — not them.

The sprightly septuagenarians crammed more than 70 engagements into a schedule that seemed to leave rigid royal protocol behind and had the pair of them shambling around the islands like a couple of crumpled pensioners on a Saga cruise.

Highlights included Charles striding along the sand in his beach brogues, Camilla looking like a discarded sweetie wrapper at his side and about a thousand cheesy photo ops, including one in Cuba where they actually did eat actual cheese.

Prince Charles and Camilla make a mojito on their trip to Havana, Cuba, this week

There were moments when it was more like an episode of Flog It! than a royal visit. The couple tootled around in a classic car, then sat next to a statue of John Lennon, Camilla visibly wilting gently under a parasol. They learned how to make a mojito cocktail (above) and sampled their work. ‘That hit the spot,’ said Camilla, after a long gulp. Charles used a sugar cane treadle, posed with a parrot, got into a boxing ring and looked like he was having the time of his life, even if he was not.

Looking thrilled at municipal events is his superpower. He even met Lionel Richie at the Coral Reef Club Hotel in Barbados and greeted him with a line from one of his hits.

‘Hello,’ said the Prince. ‘It must have been you I was looking for.’

Close, but no Cuban cigar, you dear old thing.

At Reading University, food scientist Dr Stuart Farrimond claims to have discovered the recipe for the perfect toasted cheese sandwich. In his formula, two medium slices of white bread are toasted on both sides, then buttered right to the edges. 

Then he adds 50g (1.8oz) of grated medium cheese, a splash of Worcestershire sauce, and places them exactly 18cm (7in) under the grill.

Is he COMPLETELY MAD? Everyone knows that you don’t use butter when making cheese on toast, and that you toast the bread on one side only, then add the cheese. 

What kind of savagery is the prof encouraging? Honestly. You simply cannot trust half-boiled eggheads to do anything properly.

Fury from the Madden crowd

Richard Madden fans are troubled. They feel that the actor has been snubbed because he didn’t receive a Bafta nomination for his performance in BBC drama Bodyguard.

Unluckily for Richard Madden, the Bafta nods this year include two of the best male turns in television drama for years, meaning he’ll miss out

His portrayal of protection officer David Budd (pictured) was compelling and one for which he has already won a Golden Globe. But, unluckily for him the Bafta nods this year include two of the best male turns in television drama for years — Hugh Grant as Jeremy Thorpe in A Very British Scandal and Benedict Cumberbatch as Patrick Melrose.

A different class, wouldn’t you say, Sergeant Budd?

The post JAN MOIR: Surely not another coffee shop clogging up the high street appeared first on Gyrlversion.

from WordPress https://www.gyrlversion.net/jan-moir-surely-not-another-coffee-shop-clogging-up-the-high-street/