#because I deserve it and every current kid deserves it too.

[goldkirk]

.

[dcxdpdabbles]

I loved Summon AU, is it possible that you make more Summon AU?

The aftermath of the summoning leaves the Wayne Manor in a strange sense of foreboding. No one really knows what the Ghost King has done with their list or what it means for them that he has accepted.

Everyone tried to go about their daily lives, attempting to act like they weren't looking over their shoulders. Bruce had nearly broken a blood vessel when he heard about them doing a stupid online trend when they knew magic and gods were real.

They couldn't think of a better excuse for why they did besides "it seemed funny at the time."

Bruce had been so unimpressed with them all that he broke out the big guns.

That night, Alfred grounded them. He really sat everyone- minutes Cass because she had escaped through the window after Danny called- and told them they would not be allowed to use any form of technology unless it was related to their nighttime job.

They would also be given a chore list to complete every day until their punishment was over.

Even though neither Dick or Jason lived at home anymore, they too were grounded and didn't bother to even try to argue with the aging butler. Cass was informed of her own punishment through a text, and she returned about thirty minutes later, ready to face her punishment.

She reorganized everything in storage- and in Wayne Manor, there was a lot in storage- without a single complaint, but she did seem somewhat nervous. And excited?

Like a child waiting to open a present.

That was out of character for Cass, but no one was brave enough to ask her about it. Life before the manor was a taboo topic when it came to Cass.

A week later, her restless behavior finally came to light.

When the doorbell rang, Alfred was just looking over the wood polishing job Tim and Damian had been assigned. Confused- as there were no expected guests and the kids were all still grounded- he approached the door cautiously. Tim was on standby in case things went south.

A young adult, likely barely eighteen, with pretty blue eyes, a vast, charming smile, and a gorgeous winter-themed dress, was on the other side of the door. Their hair is short but styled to have one side longer than the other, framing their face perfectly.

A spinnable circle pin on her dress read Gender Fluid in the unmovable part and "She/Her day" in the spinal part.

"Hi there," She chirps, a dimple on full display. "I'm Danny."

"Good afternoon, Danny. My name is Alfred. How can I help you?"

"I was wondering if Cass was home?" Dany starts surprising Alfred and Tim -who were eavesdropping around the corner- as the girl carefully plays with her hair. "I was hoping to talk to her."

"Miss Casandra is currently not allowed guests." The butler starts slowly. He watches her face fall dramatically before humming. "I can, however, pass along a message to her."

"Oh yeah, that be great. Please let her know Danny was wondering if she would like to go with me to see a ballet tonight. Um if she's allowed to go out."

Tim's eyes widen. A date? Danny had come here in person to ask Cass if she wanted to go on a date? Then had the courage to ask Alfred, to his face, if she could take his grandaughter out?

Who is she? Tim thinks amazed. He wants to text the rest of the group chat, which would invade Cass' privacy. He waits a few minutes until Alfred responds.

"Miss Casandra is currently grounded. Unfortunately, she and her siblings cannot leave until their punishment ends."

Tim winces. Hopefully, Cass being nineteen and still being grounded at her age didn't scare off Danny. Some people didn't understand how much power Alfred's word had over the manor and frankly, those people didn't deserve Cass anyway.

But it would make her sad.

"Oh, that's okay. Thank you for letting me-"

A scream makes everyone jump. Tim whirls around to find Damian pressed against the main stairway. His face has gone three sheets of white, staring at Danny with horror.

"Y-you!"

Danny tilts her head. "Me?"

"Y-you!" Damian gasps and Tim is highly alarmed that his voice is tinted with fear. "Why are you here?!"

"I came to ask Cass if-"

"You will not take Cain from me, Ghost King! I will destroy your core before you try to get near her!" Damian screams, hand suddenly holding a glowing green sword, but his threat doesn't hold much because he is literally shaking in his boots. "You have your summon payment already! You shall leave Cain alone!"

What.

"Oh! You think no, no. I'm not here for her soul or anything. Cass and I go way back when she lived on the streets. " Danny- the ghost king they summoned using a list of their gay awaking apparently- laughs, waving her hands as if to calm the young child. "I liked her for a while but thought she didn't feel the same. Until the summoning, where I saw my name on the list. We talked it out, and I was hoping to take her on a first date, you know?"

"You lie!" Damian races down to point his sword at Danny, looking just as wild as a cornered animal about to fight for its life. "Why would the strongest being in the multiverse live on the streets?!"

"Well....it's not like they pay to rule the dead....I had a rough patch, but Cass helped me get back on my feet." Danny muttered, slightly embarrassed. Then she squits at Damian. "Wait, are you a al Ghul?"

Damian breaks into a sweat as Danny gasps, "You are! You're family owes me so much money in backed up taxes for the healing pool! We cut off contamination maintenance because Ra's refused to pay years ago! Kid, do you know I can get into contact with your family member about the Lazarus pit?"

Damian screamed again, turned around, and ran, leaving a stunned Alfred, Tim and Danny. "Guess not. Anyway, sorry to be a bother Mr. Alfred, I'll come back when Cass can go out. Bye!"

A familiar portal rips under Danny as she falls through with a cheerful wave. Alfred and Tim watch it close in a moment before Tim turns to the butler. "Did I inhale too many polishing chemicals? Am I hallucinating?"

"No, my dear boy, I saw everything as well."

"Oh, good. " Tim pauses. " One of us needs to speak to Damian and Cass."

Alfred closes the door slowly. "I'll find Master Damian. You go for Miss Cassandra and Master Tim?"

"Hmm?"

"The next time, Mister Conner sends you a fun trend to try. Don't."

"Yeah, that's fair."

[vinvantae]

Enemies (occasionally to lovers) Scenarios with the current grid

with prompts from @koishua

Mostly angst with no resolution, but there’s a bit of fluff sprinkled throughout. Enjoy!

Thank you to @percervall for beta reading for me!! You’re a star ⭐️

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#1 Max Verstappen

The breeze was cool against your skin as you gripped the railing - looking down out over the city below, the music of the nightclub increased for a moment as someone joined you, before being muffled with a quiet click of the door. Your shoulders tensed, you knew exactly who it was - you’d come out here to escape him and he’d followed you.

“Go back inside, Max.” Your jaw clenched, but his footsteps continued until he was beside you, back leaning against the railing. “Didn’t you fucking hear me?”

“I did.” He hummed, arms folded across his chest.

“Then why are you still here?”

His silence caused you to snap your head to look at him, throw a glare in his direction - expecting the same look back. But his eyes were soft, gently flickering across your face - you watched as he swallowed heavily, daring to let his gaze fall to your lips.

Your voice was venomous when you spoke again. "Don't you dare look at me that way. Not now, after every vile thing we've done to each other."

“Listen…”

“No. You don’t get to do this, Max… it’s not fair,” you snapped, “You don’t get to bully me and talk shit about me and then all of a sudden decide you fancy me! We’re not little kids, you can’t grab me by the pigtails and push me down just because you have feelings. You should go.”

Every fibre of Max’s being wanted to protest, tell you that you were wrong - that he wanted to make things right between you, but your tear soaked cheeks were too much for him to handle. So instead he mumbled a quite sorry before leaving you alone with your thoughts. You let your face fall into your hands as you sobbed quietly - you’d always waited for the moment for Max to finally admit his feelings, you just never thought it would go like this.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#2 Logan Sargeant

His head lifted from his phone as he heard a loud laugh from your side of the garage - your head tossed back as you smacked your engineer on the arm. Logan couldn’t help the way the corner of his mouth tugged up into a smile.

At the start of the season, he hated you. There was no denying it - he was jealous of how talented and likeable you were, how he was always compared to you. So he went out of his way to make you angry, make you scream at him - for just a second of your attention. But after his last DNF, you’d gone out of your way to check on him - give him soft words of encouragement and when your hand briefly ghosted his cheek to get his attention - he was smitten.

“Last time I checked, you guys were at each other’s throats,” a mechanic spoke up, “How come you’re sending heart eyes every time you see her now?”

He couldn’t help the way he blushed, just as you looked over at him - giving him a smile and a small wave. “You know what they say man, it’s a thin line.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#3 Daniel Ricciardo

You had to actively bite your lip to stop yourself from smiling as he talked - turning your head away so he couldn’t see your silent protest. He was smug and arrogant and didn’t deserve anyone else giving him the positive attention he so desperately craved.

“Hey, you’re allowed to laugh at my jokes, y’know.” He rolled his eyes, finally spotting you - your eyes fixated on the iPad in your hands.

“I would if they were funny,” you replied, not giving him the satisfaction of even sparing him a glance. You’d made it very clear from the day you met him that you weren’t going to fall for his shit like everyone else and Daniel hated it.

And he was desperate to win you over - he’d caught you smiling before, but you’d never admit it, much rather stomp on his ego - especially when he was already down.

"Fine, continue to act like you hate me," he teased, his dark eyes had a glint in them - throwing you a wink when you finally looked up from your work to roll your eyes. “I know the truth.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#4 Lando Norris

Lando was the happiest he’d ever felt, rushing towards his team with the biggest smile on his face - letting their cheers rush through his veins as he dove into their arms. He felt on top of the world and he thought there was nothing that could bring him down - until he was placed on his feet and saw you stood amongst the rest of the team.

He expected some scathing remark about how he’d not even done any overtaking to get the win or that the safety car was the reason but instead you gave him a bright smile.

“That was absolutely phenomenal, Lando. You raced amazingly. Your family, especially your grandma, are so proud of you - I just know it.”

You offered him your hand to shake but in the heat of the moment he wrapped you up in his arms - relishing in the way you didn’t even hesitate to reciprocate, your body fit perfectly against his. He never wanted to let go.

“This is a one-time thing only, don’t let me being nice to you get to your head,” you whispered, giving him one final squeeze.

He pulled back from the hug just enough to look into your eyes, smiling at the pure adoration on your face as you looked at him - your words meaningless. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#10 Pierre Gasly

There was something about you that irritated Pierre to no end - and he knew exactly what it was. He wasn’t dumb, he knew he was attractive enough to get pretty much any girl he wanted to fold for his attention but you. You would bat your eyelashes and flirt with all of his friends, but when he approached you’d tense up, face falling flat. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to offend you but he couldn’t get you out of his head.

“You’re incorrigible, Pierre,” you hummed nonchalantly, swirling your drink in your glass as his blue eyes followed the long legs of a girl as she waltzed past. “She’s way out of your league.”

"Fuck you."

“I’m flattered, really, but no thanks.”

He groaned and practically slammed his beer down on the counter. “Do you know what I think?”

“Enlighten me.” Your bored tone nearly tipped him over the edge but he held his ground, stepping closer to you - placing a hand over yours, finally getting you to look at him.

“You want me.” You went to protest, but found your breath catching in your throat as he lent in - his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. “But you don’t want to be like the other girls… but trust me, you’d never be.”

You placed a hand on his chest, gently pushing him back - confusion ghosting his features. “I’m not that easy. Try harder… but, nice to feel wanted I suppose.”

He smiled, his heart skipping a beat as your walls finally began to crumble.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#14 Fernando Alonso

You wanted to scream, throw things, punch a wall - but you couldn’t; you just had to sit there like a good little worker as they read off your schedule for the year. When you had been put forward for your promotion, you hadn’t been expected to be glued to Fernando’s side for every second of every weekend. He noticed your tension as you gathered up your things.

“If you clench your jaw any harder you’re going to break your teeth.” He tried to avoid having a tone, but his voice wasn’t friendly. “I’m not that bad.”

“There are only three things in this world I truly cannot stand,” you hissed, shoving your things into your bag, “You, you and you.”

Fernando frowned. “I don’t understand what you think I’ve done to you.”

“Of course you don’t, your head is too far up your own ass to remember,” you scoffed.

He pressed his hand against the door to stop you opening it, a frown etched into his face - he tilted his head a little. “Tell me what I did, let me fix it.”

You sighed softly, eyes meeting his. “On my very first day, I tried to talk to you and you shoulder barged me out of the way - not even looking back to apologise.”

“I-I… wow, yeah that’s not okay. I’m sorry.”

“You’re too late, Fernando. I can be professional with you but nothing more.” Your voice was small. “Please let me go.”

He stepped aside and held the door for you, watching you scurry away - his heart splintering, hating himself that all of this torment was his own doing. He had to make it right.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#16 Charles Leclerc

You kicked your shoes off messily as the two of you stepped into the hotel - his lips barely leaving yours for a moment as he shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor. He pressed you into the nearest wall and made quick work of your shirt - tossing it over his shoulder without a glance.

Your memory of how you ended up in the situation was hazy, the last thing you remembered was screaming at him for ruining your race - saying he didn’t deserve his podium and now you were desperate for him. Your well known distaste for Charles drowned in the alcohol you’d chugged to get over your disappointment.

The taste of champagne on his tongue was addicting, you could feel yourself being drawn further in as you clumsily worked at his shirt buttons - not wanting to break the kiss. A soft whine escaped your lips when he did just that.

“Your clumsiness never fails to amaze me,” he teased, finishing the job himself before taking your hand in his and dragging you towards the bed. “You’d trip over your own toes if they weren’t attached to your feet.”

With a gentle shove, you find yourself on the mattress - propped up on your elbows as he shimmies your skirt off of your hips. “I hate you, I hope you don’t forget that after tonight.”

As he pushes your thighs apart, a smirk on his face. “I think you’re going to be the one who struggles to remember that, Cherie.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#18 Lance Stroll

It was petty and you knew it - you had a shit car so getting points was usually a pipe dream but when you saw the dark green of his Aston Martin in front of you, it made your blood boil. Despite rarely fighting for points, the two of you were notorious for your on track battles - with more than one incident resulting in a DNF for one, if not both of you.

In the back of your mind, you knew he’d done nothing wrong, he was an okay driver but you were jealous that his seat was so secure because he had a father who loved him so dearly. You had to earn your spot and by god you weren’t going to let some pretty rich boy be better than you.

“There’s a thing called a brake. You can fucking use it, y’know,” he shouted, storming over to you as you climbed out of your car.

“Oh that was all you! There was literally no room. Why would you try and make a move there?”

The Marshalls tried to step between you, but he wasn’t having any of it - he crowded you right against the barrier - the visor of his helmet pushed up so you could see the rage in his dark eyes, his anger only slightly muffled by his helmet. “You just need to accept that you’re a shit driver.”

“I might not be the best, but like hell would I let you be better than me,” you spat.

He placed his hands either side of you - eyes now boring into your soul, as if he was trying to read you, but with your helmet still covering your face and cameras definitely all pointed in your direction, he simply took a step back. “We’ll finish this later.”

You swallowed heavily and nodded, finally letting the Marshalls lead you away…wait, finish what later?

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#20 Kevin Magnussen

You slouched into your chair as you were scolded once again for fighting with Kevin on the track - your teammate sat looking just as pissed off as you, his arms folded across his chest. The two of you had just never clicked, and at some point the apathy turned into anger - it felt like he went out of his way to ruin all of your races when you were supposed to be teammates.

The room fell quiet as the PR team slammed the door behind them, leaving the two of you alone with your thoughts. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, as this time the incident was your fault - you’d shoved him wide at the start and he’d fallen all the way to the back, unable to make up places. It surprised you when he was the one to speak up first.

“Why can’t we just let whatever this pointless rivalry is go?”

“…I can’t even remember how it started,” you said, your cheeks heating up. “Can you?”

He paused for a moment before laughing. “No, I can’t. I’ll try and be a better teammate to you, I swear I just… I don’t know, I like our fights.”

Kevin could’ve sworn his heart was in his throat when your eyes met his, your lips curved into a soft smile. “I do too, let’s just maybe keep them fair, yeah?”

“…yeah. Yeah I can do that.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#22 Yuki Tsunoda

Hate wasn’t a strong enough word for how Yuki felt about you - you were arrogant, smarmy and you looked at him like he was the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. You didn’t even consider him a rival, your car was leagues above his - but whenever you found yourself behind him after a pit stop, he suddenly had the widest car on the grid.

You’d got on the podium, like always, but that didn’t stop steam coming out of your ears as you approached him after the race. “Why do you race me so hard? Your fight isn’t with me… I could’ve won the race if you had an inkling of sportsmanship.”

He shrugged, taking a sip out of his bottle. “If you were as good as you said you were, I wouldn’t be a problem.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You’re infuriating. Stay in your lane, yeah?”

Yuki placed his bottle down on the nearby wall and began to pat his pockets before sighing dramatically. “Oops, it seems like I’m out of fucks to give.”

Your jaw was practically on the floor as he grabbed his drink and walked away, unable to help the smile on his face - he’d won this round.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#23 Alex Albon

“Hey…”

You looked up from the spot on the floor you were staring at to see Alex standing over you, pity written all over his face. He sat on the ground beside you, bending one knee as you hugged yours to your chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Not sure, I came to see if you are alright, I guess.” He looked at you, noticing your reddened eyes and sniffling nose.

You frowned. “Why do you even care?”

“I may not like you, but I’m not heartless.” His voice was softer this time. “What that reporter said was over the line, the incident wasn’t even your fault.”

“Might want to pass that along to your best mate, he seems to think it was,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes before any more tears could spill. “…I don’t need you to feel sorry for me, Alex.”

“It don’t, I swear.” He held his hands up defensively, cracking a small smile. “It was a shit thing for them to say and I just want you to know that they’re wrong.”

You looked at him properly, eyes flickering across his features for even a hint that he was talking shit - but he genuinely looked concerned, so you gave him a gentle albeit slightly forced smile. “I’ll be okay, you can go back to being a dickhead.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, giving you a gentle shove on the shoulder making you laugh softly. “Says you… if you need a vent, I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“…thank you, genuinely,” you practically whispered.

You tensed up as he gave your knee a gentle squeeze before standing up, leaving you with your own thoughts - surprised at the affectionate gesture but unable to help the way you had enjoyed it.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#24 Zhou Guanyu

He held his phone in his hands - Nico Hulkenberg to join Sauber in 2025 - but in whose seat? Carelessly, he tossed his phone onto the sofa and groaned into his hands. He knew he had the talent, he was capable, but Alfa Romeo-Sauber had just never given him the car to back him up.

“Hey, so they want you in the media pen in-“ You stopped talking when you saw his defeated stature - head in his hands. “You okay?”

When you were assigned to him as his PR manager at the start of the year, he was desperate for you to like him - but you quickly made it clear you were only here for the cheque. You were blunt, professional and didn’t like to waste a second being personal with him.

“You know about Hulkenberg?” His voice was quiet, refusing to meet your eyes.

You gently sat beside him on the sofa, tucking your notepad into your bag. “No… but I’m sure it’ll work out for you.”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“I know.” You tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it was definitely pitiful. “But I need you to wipe the miserable look off of your face and get down to the pen. I’ve got work to do so… chin up or whatever. You’ve got 5 minutes.”

You didn’t even look at him as you left the room - reminding him that you just didn’t care.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#31 Esteban Ocon

Your relationship with Esteban wasn't always strained - in fact, when you first met him, you genuinely enjoyed his company. But when he took it upon himself to push your attention to the side to make way for that of younger, prettier girls, you realised he was no different from the others and any positive feelings you had faded.

It definitely didn’t make your job any easier - more often than not, you would be checking your watch as he chatted away. You just wanted to knock some sense into him, remind him that he had a job to do.

“Got somewhere to be?” he practically snorted, as you checked your phone for what must have been the 10th time.

“No seriously, take your time,” you scowled, “Hell’s happy to wait for you, but waste another second of my time and it won't have to.”

He gave the girl he was chatting to a sideways look before finally following you - his hands shoved deep into his trouser pockets like a mopey teenager. You could see him considering conversation with you out of the corner of your eye but you tried to focus ahead - not giving him the time of day.

“What happened to us?” His voice was quiet, but you weren’t going to let him get away with it.

“You happened. You decided I wasn’t worth your time anymore, so I’m not going to let you waste mine,” you huffed.

You flinched as he took your bicep in his hand - making you look up at him with a face of what Esteban could only describe as disgust. He didn’t blame you for disliking him, but he could feel you really slipping away and he didn’t want that to happen.

He squeezed your arm, holding you far too close for comfort - his eyes boring into yours. “Can you just let me explain my side?”

You tore your arm from his grip, scowling even further. “Just leave me alone to do my job, Esteban or so help me god I’ll have them pair you with the shittiest intern for the rest of the season.”

He swallowed heavily and nodded - you weren’t expecting him to put up a fight, but still felt the same disappointment you swore you’d never let him make you feel again.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#44 Lewis Hamilton

His hands felt like fire across your body, tracing every inch of your exposed skin as he hauled you in close - you had no idea how you got yourself in this predicament. The man in question was the bane of your existence - every second of the season was spent scrapping with him for the top spot - whether it was on or off track there was nothing but venom between the two of you.

So how you ended up with him in your apartment, hands pushing up the sides of your dress - you didn’t know but you couldn’t get enough. You groaned as his lips met the pulse point on your neck, fingers wound in the expensive fabric of his shirt.

You could feel him smirk against you as a moan escaped you. “God, I fucking hate you, Lewis.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really.”

He chuckled deeply, slotting his knee between your thighs to haul you in closer - pulling back just enough to look into your eyes, pupils blown with lust. Your breath hitched as his thumb brushed across your lip. “Lying doesn’t suit you, sweetheart.”

Before you could call him out, he pressed his lips against yours once again - strong hands cupping your face, allowing your knees to buckle a little. Your breath was stolen away as he pulled back, dark eyes flickering across your face for any more signs of protest, smirking when he saw none - you willingly let him guide you down onto your knees, hand cupping under your jaw - a smug smile on his face.

“Now,” he hummed, pressing his thumb between your lips to part them, “why don’t you be good… and use that mouth for something else instead. Hmm?”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#55 Carlos Sainz

You were the last person Carlos expected to see when he opened the door to his apartment - any good person would ask if you were okay, but he simply smirked and leant against the doorframe.

“Shut up,” you scolded, pushing past him to step into his place, furiously wiping the tears away from your cheeks.

“Look who’s running back into my arms,” he cooed patronisingly, catching your jacket as you threw it at him. “I told you that I’m irresistible, didn't I?”

“Maybe that’s not why I’m here.”

Carlos chuckled darkly, tossing your jacket to the side so he could take your hips in his hands. “Hermosa, you were supposed to be on a date tonight but yet you’re here with me. I think that’s exactly why you are here.”

Your eyes were wet with tears when you finally met his gaze, but it didn’t even phase him as he slowly stepped you backwards - further into his place.

“So, tell me - what do you want?” He purred softly, brushing a thumb across your cheek to wipe away an escaped tear. “Need me to take care of you, hmm? Help you forget all about that idiot that wasted your time?”

You nodded, unable to speak as he hauled your shirt over your head when the two of you reached his bedroom.

“You sound pretty hot when you shut up, cariño,” he laughed, pushing you against the bed, “but I prefer the pretty noises you make when I have my way with you, let’s hear them.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#63 George Russell

You narrowed your eyes playfully at George as the two of you bickered about who would win in a fight between you and Roscoe. “He’s literally a dog, George. Who loves me, might I add.”

“Which is why he’d beat you. Because you’d go too easy on him,” he teased, his arm draped lazily across your shoulder - the two of you sat outside Mercedes hospitality together. “One look from those sad little eyes and you’d wave the white flag.”

He laughed softly as you jut out your bottom lip before leaning in to kiss you softly. George couldn’t believe his luck that not only you wanted to be seen with him but that you loved him. As kids, hell, up until your early 20s, the two of you were non-stop arguing - constantly having to be separated by your mutual friends. But it all changed when you witnessed the crash at Silverstone in ‘22; the way he leapt out of his car with no hesitation to try and help made your heart soar.

“You know…” you hummed softly, “I still don’t really know why I used to despise you.”

George smiled. “I genuinely don't remember. But, it got us here… and I’m quite happy here, aren’t you?”

It was your turn to kiss him. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#77 Valtteri Bottas

Infuriated wasn’t a strong enough word for how you were feeling as Valtteri stood in front of you, practically red in the face as he scolded you for yet something else that wasn’t your fault. You weren’t sure why he disliked you, but from day one with Alfa Romeo, he’d treated you differently from everyone else.

But today, you’d had enough.

“That data could’ve helped me get some points for once, don’t you understand how important it is that-“

“The world could really use some of your famous silence right now,” you cut him off, not regretting it for a moment when you saw his jaw tick. “Have you maybe considered that getting that data… is not my job? Making sure you’ve got a clean kit is not my job. For god’s sake Valtteri, do you even know what my job is?”

His eyes widened. “You… you’re uh-“

“Exactly. So do me a favour, and just take a big fucking step back and reevaluate,” you hissed. “Because I’m out.”

“You’re out?” He frowned.

“I’m going to another team. Effective immediately, that’s what I came to tell you, so you won’t have to deal with my so-called incompetence anymore.”

Valterri just stared at you like he’d seen a ghost, and not willing to wait for anymore scathing comments - you turned on your heel and left, leaving the driver to question every single time he’d scolded you.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

#81 Oscar Piastri

You lay in the medical centre, bright fluorescent lights certainly not helping your headache. It wasn’t a big crash, but you’d still ended up with a nasty case of whiplash - your ears still ringing. As the door swung open, you expected to see the medic, ready to let you go home, but it was in fact Oscar… holding flowers?

“Any time something bad happens to me, you’ve always been there,” he spoke, no anger in his voice - in fact, it almost seemed teasing. “Are you cursing me or something?”

“Not my fault you’re always in my way,” you replied, surprising both Oscar and yourself when you matched his tone. “Flowers?”

“Uh… yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “It looked like a pretty nasty ding you took out there, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Oscar’s heart raced with anticipation as you took the bouquet from him, just waiting for you to throw them back in his face. For some reason, despite being the most chilled driver on track, you really got under his skin - and, he hated the cliche of it, but seeing you struggle to get out of your car made him realise - it wasn’t hatred, he had feelings.

"They’re lovely, thank you.” You smiled, genuinely smiled at him. “Are you doing alright?”

He waved off your concern. “Yeah, I’m fine. I think you took the worst of it… say, uhm, can I take you out to dinner to apologise?”

You tilted your head. “You’re actually taking the blame for the crash? Oscar-“

“Please.”

You bit your lip, letting yourself study his face for a moment - his usual calm expression was replaced with something you didn’t recognise. “Yeah, okay, I’d like that.”

His smile alone was worth it - you don’t think you’d ever seen it directed at you, and it felt good.

══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

Hope you enjoyed 🥰

[lalunalando]

The Love You Want - LN4

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

warnings: 18+! minors dni! smut, fluff (may make you cry a little), angst, swearing, slight degradation, thigh riding, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap)

songs referenced: The Love You Want - Sleep Token / Granite - Sleep Token

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

2 years.

It’s been 2 whole years since the love of your life walked out your front door after telling you it was over, he couldn’t handle the relationship alongside his career anymore, and that he never actually loved you.

So imagine the surprise you felt when you stepped out of your apartment elevator after returning from a long day of work, only to find him sitting at your door, a basket of dog toys and a bunch of your favorite flowers in hand…

“Lan? Wha-When did you get here? What are you even doing here?” You asked, shock evident on you face as you stood frozen like you’d seen a ghost.

“Oh thank god you didn’t move! I was hoping I wasn’t waiting outside some random apartment and about to scare a stranger” he chuckled, the sound that once felt like home to you now leaving your stomach feeling instantly nauseous.

“Lando, don’t avoid the question. What are you doing here?” You huff as you brush past him, opening your apartment door finally and stepping inside to put your belongings down knowing this probably wasn’t going to be a quick conversation by any means.

“Do you mind if I come in? This really isn’t a talk I want to have out here in the hallway..” he asks awkwardly, gauging your reactions and movements, expecting you to even slam the door in his face after the last time you both spoke. He deserved that, he knows it, but he really hopes you’ll let him in because he has so much he wants to say to you.

You move out of the doorway to let him through with a sigh that doesn’t go unnoticed, twisting at his heart knowing he’s at fault for how this is making you feel.

After closing the door behind him, you turn around and nod towards the dog toy basket with a confused look.

“Oh, I was hoping the pups were still here to give them to, I miss our kids…” he says as he looks down at the floor, suddenly wondering if it was still okay to call them “ours” as if he didn’t walk out on you all.

“They do, they’re just having a play date with the neighbors while I was at work, they’ll be dropped off in an hour” you respond as you head to the fridge, suddenly the bottle of wine in the fridge is seeming very tempting to crack open… “so Lando, I’m going to ask one more time, what are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry.” It’s all he can get out in the moment, he knows there’s a million other things he wants to say, but he froze, and that was the basis of why he was here anyway.

You freeze, halting the glass of wine you were currently pouring, and just stare at him blankly.

“Right, yeah, I should probably explain a little more than that” he laughs nervously while scratching the back of his neck. “Alright, well, I fucked up. I should never have walked out back then, I should have never said you were too much of a distraction to my career to be with and more than anything I should never have lied and said I never loved you.”

“Lan, it’s been two years, why now? Where is this suddenly coming from after two fucking years of no contact whatsoever? And why do you think I want to even hear it? What if I’ve moved on.” It all comes out before you can even stop yourself, the hurt and anger you’ve been keeping in since that day making you see red.

“I never stopped thinking about it, about you. I thought I couldn’t handle being away from you all the time and that you wouldn’t want to wait around for me all the time, but after every race I still just want to come home to you. And I know you haven’t moved on because the love we shared was once in a lifetime, I’m still full of the love you want, please just let me prove it to you. You can tell me you don’t still love me and I’ll leave you alone for good, and maybe you believe that in the end you will be better off that way, but I’m begging you to give me one more chance and I’ll be full of the love you want, no matter what, forevermore.”

By the time he’s done speaking, you both have tears in your eyes.

It was never truly over, you knew you could never stop loving him, no matter how much it hurt you.

Before you can stop yourself, you’re rounding your kitchen bench and closing the space between you both.

Desperate to feel his lips on yours and make up for the two years lost, to show him the love you harbored for him never left.

And boy, did he feel it all.

You needed more of him, you knew it was pathetic of you to fold so quickly but you’d already lost two years and didn’t want to waste any more of it, and when he wore that god damn playboy hoodie you always said you loved seeing him wear, there was no point denying how much you wanted him still.

“I hate that you still have this affect on me, I hate that I never stopped loving you, but most of all, I hate that you’ve still got me in a chokehold”

That confession is all he needed from you before he’s picking you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you down the familiar hallway to your room that he’s traveled so many times before, but with a newly found appreciation for all the pictures along the walls that you could never find it in your heart to switch.

As he throws you down on the bed and climbs over you, eyes blown and full of lust and longing, you can’t help but to admire him.

The gorgeous everchanging eyes, his adorable freckles and moles, and a slight beard he was finally able to grow after years of being teased by the other guys on the grid.

His lips are instantly back on yours, taking all the air out of your lungs and replacing it with his own as if it was the only way you could both live from then on.

You tug at the hem of his hoodie as his hands slide up your thighs to the edge of your skirt, both not ashamed of how fast you need the others clothes off.

Only pulling back for a second to take his hoodie off, his lips are immediately back on you, only finding their way down your throat this time.

Biting just hard enough to make you yelp, he’s instantly soothing the pain as he laps his tongue over the spot, causing you to whimper like the desperate little slut you always were for him.

Hands continuing their mission up your skirt, an almost animalistic growl comes from his throat as his fingers find the lace of your thong, completely drenched for him already.

“Always so ready for me baby, god you couldn’t be more perfect, you were made for me just like I was for you.” His voice filled with lust and love, reminding you that you will always be his.

Flipping you both over and settling you on his lap, he can’t help but want to draw it out a little longer, tease you a little more, make you beg for him.

You grind down on his lap, desperate for even a little relief, because as much as you hate to admit it, no one in the past two years has made you feel even remotely the way he does without even trying.

You’d had your fair share of fixes throughout the two years, using many men to your advantage to try and get over him, but none of them even came close to making you forget. No one did it as good as him.

“Someone is still just as needy and desperate as always huh?” You can feel the smirk even though his lips are against your neck, making you whimper again, just proving his point. “Do you want to show me just how much you missed me too? How good you can be for me?”

“Please Lan, need you, will do anything but I need you”

He laughs, and you know he’s got something sadistic and borderline humiliating in mind, but you don’t care because he knows you’ll do anything for him, you always will.

“Such a good girl, can you straddle my thigh for a second baby?” He says with a smirk you know means trouble.

You do as he says, and shift over to his thigh, giving him a look of confusion as you wait for his next instructions.

“Now baby, I want you to ride it.”

You gasp, this was new for the two of you but you couldn’t deny that it excited you a lot to try.

“I want to see how desperate of a slut you can be for me, I want to watch you get yourself off with nothing but my thigh.” He breathes into your ear as his hand hold your hips, helping you find a stable rhythm.

You can’t stop the sounds coming out of your mouth, and he wouldn’t want you to even if you could.

If Lando could listen to one thing on repeat for the rest of his life, it would be your sweet moans that only he can get out of you time and time again.

As you get louder and start stuttering your rhythm on his thigh, he knows you’re getting close.

“That’s my girl, come on, cum on my thigh and I’ll reward you for behaving so well baby”

That was enough to send you over the edge for what would be the first of many times that evening, screaming his name loud enough that you were sure the whole of Monaco could have heard you.

Still coming down from your high, he doesn’t give you a second to recover before he flips you back down onto the bed as he rids himself of his now ruined pants before pulling your own ruined panties off and climbing straight back over you, claiming your lips once again.

He doesn’t want to wait anymore, watching your angelic face as you came around his thigh was almost enough to make him finish right then and there. He couldn’t lie, he’d obviously been with a few women as well over the last two years while he tried to forget you, but he could never forget you, no one could ever compare to his girl.

Leaning over to your side drawer to find a condom where he knows you both used to keep them, he comes up empty and a little confused.

“I got rid of them, I never brought anyone over anyway.”

And it was true, you always went to your flings places instead, you couldn’t stand the thought of them ruining the memories shared between you and Lando in that apartment, in that bed.

“Do you want me to go grab some, i can run down t-“

“You don’t need it, i trust you.”

He stared at you in shock, he could count on one hand the amount of times you’d allowed him to go in raw before, and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

He didn’t have to think much longer, your hand reaching down to tease his already painfully hard cock was all the confirmation he needed that you were serious about it.

Swiping his tip through your wet folds to help lube him up, he lines his tip at your entrance and slowly pushes in.

Seeing you slightly wince as you readjust to his size, he’s quick to worry.

“If you need me to stop at any point please just tell me” he says in a hurry.

“Just need a sec Lan, i forgot how big you are…” you said with a whimper, not missing the smirk that flashes across his face.

After a few seconds to get comfortable again, you’re urging him to move and he doesn’t hesitate for a second.

Slowly fucking you with more and more of his cock with each thrust until he’s bottoming out, he can’t help but moan at how you feel around him.

“Baby I’m not going to last much longer if you keep squeezing me like that, feel so warm and tight around my cock, this pussy was made for me”

This has you clenching around him again, drawing out the most feral growl you have ever heard from the man.

In an instant, he’s pulling out of you much to your disappointment, only leaving you feeling empty for a moment while he flips you over onto your front and pulls your ass up, digging his fingers into your hips so roughly that you’re sure there are going to be bruises in the morning.

Good thing he knows you love being marked up by him.

As soon as your ass is up, he’s quick to shove his cock back in, not giving you a moment to adjust as he starts mercilessly pounding you from behind.

This new angle somehow hits deeper, feeling him hit your cervix wall over and over again, mixing pain with pleasure and making you scream for him.

“That’s it angel, scream my name, tell everyone who’s making you feel this fucking good”

As he continues his brutal punishment on your pussy, winding a hand around your front to use his always skilful fingers to rub tight circles on your clit and help you chase your high, he feels your walls start to tighten again as your legs start to shake and knows his won’t be far behind.

“Where do you want me to finish princess? I want you to cum on my cock like the good girl you are but i won’t be able to last much longer” he grunts as he continues his rough pace, getting sloppier with each thrust as you tighten more and more with each one.

“Fill me please, need to feel you inside of me, this pussy is yours and only yours” you pant out, only fueling him to get rougher and faster, pushing you over that edge.

“Scream for me baby, i want all of Monaco to know who you belong to” and with that, you’re seeing stars. His name being the only word on your lips over and over again while you clamp around his cock, feeling his release only seconds after your own as he bites your shoulder to muffle his own moans.

You lay there for a while in pure fucked-out bliss, Lando having moved to be beside you and move your head onto his chest while his arm is around you playing with your hair.

“So, what does this mean for us now?” You have to ask, as the doubt starts creeping in again.

“I know i have a lot to make up for but if you’ll have me, i want to be yours again. I want to stay over whenever you’ll have me here, i want to fly you out to races with me when you can, but mostly, i want to show the world how much i love you, show them what I’m doing this all for at the end of the day”

Tears start welling in your eyes, and all you can do is nod before kissing him again, showing him all the emotions you can’t verbally say right now.

Just as the kiss starts heating up for another round between you two, a loud knock on your front door interrupts the moment.

“Cunt” is all Lando can say in frustration, making you laugh before getting up and pulling your panties back on and chucking his playboy hoodie on to cover you so you can answer the door to the intrusion.

As he lays there and waits for you to return, he can’t stop smiling and thinking about all the ways he plans to make everything up to you.

Maybe a ring in the near future, to show how serious he is and always has been about his angel…

Before he can think much longer, your two puppies come bouncing into the room looking for him, having smelt his familiar scent the moment they got home.

He can’t stop the wide smile from forming on his face, this was it.

This was home, and he never planned on leaving again.

As you stepped back into the room, you couldn’t help the smile forming on your own face.

The boy you loved with every fiber of your being, squealing while being attacked with kisses and jumped on by your fur babies. Your joint fur babies. Your little family was whole again.

Walking over to him you stop before him on the bed, him reaching out to pull you down onto his lap as you sigh happily.

You turn to look him in the eye and hold his face gently, you were glad he was back.

“What are you thinking now babe?” He asks, seeing the all too familiar look in your eyes

“I was more than just a body in your passenger seat, and you were more than just somebody i was destined to meet. I see you go half-blind when you’re looking at me. I love you Lan.” Kissing him again, sealing all your feelings and fate, giving yourself over to him for good.

[mvybanks]

you drew stars around my scars

summary: when your boyfriend leaves you after finding out about your pregnancy, your best friend is not scared to take his place and show you how you and your baby deserve to be loved. (bestfriend!jj x pregnant!reader)

a/n: SHES HERE!!! i know that technically it wasn’t requested but by all of the asks i’ve gotten on this particular storyline, i had to! you guys have no idea how many times i had to do a research about pregnancy, i had to delete my google history😫 anyway, there’s a quote from friends from when rachel was pregnant AND the whole birth scene is just rachel giving birth because i have no idea how that works and friends was my only solution. i hope you guys like it!!! feedback is really appreciated <33

warnings: toxic and abusive ex, unwanted pregnancy, ANGST, mentions of sex (sfw), making out, reader goes into labour and gives birth (natural)

word count: 9.9k (i’m dead help)

my masterlist

add yourself to my taglist <3

“i’m pregnant,” the conversation keeps replaying in your head, mocking you.

his voice is still clear in your mind, his laugh, so full of venom, “you can’t be pregnant.”

“i am, nathan. i took like ten tests, they’re all positive.”

and that look he gave you, as if you were scum, “that’s not my problem. you should’ve been more careful!” he yelled, starting to scare you.

“i didn’t mean this to happen. listen, we can-“

“there’s no we, no us!” the glass he had in his hand shattered on the wall beside you, for he had thrown it with force; had he tried to hit you?

“you’re not gonna trap me with a kid.”

“trap you? nathan, this is also your kid! it takes two people to-“ your words were cut off by the sound of a plate being thrown on the wall behind you, and that time you were sure you had been his target. when you looked at him, he was not the man you had thought he was. although you didn’t show it, you were terrified, and you still are, because you didn’t know where and when he would’ve stopped. you walked to your bedroom and started gathering the things he used to leave at your apartment.

“y/n, wait. i didn’t mean to do that. just-“ you began throwing his clothes at him, interrupting the empty promises he was about to made.

“you don’t want this kid? then leave!” you scream.

“i always knew you were just a bitch! should’ve left you months ago!”

“leave!” you shouted, taking the framed picture of the two of you from the coffee table and throwing it at the door as he closed it behind him.

your empty chest squeezes every time you catch a glimpse of the mess littering your floor and the reminder of what he was about to do because of his unjustified anger.

you fall on the ground, your back pressed against the wall behind you as loud sobs escape from your lips. tears are now falling down to your neck, drenching your eyelashes and your face. your hand shakily reaches for the phone that rests in your front pocket, pressing the contact for the only person you want to see right now.

“hey, y/n,” the melody of jj’s voice already brings you comfort, “what’s up?”

“j…” your trembling tone and the sound of your crying is now clear to him as he becomes scared of your well-being, which makes him interrupt you before you can continue.

“y/n? baby? what’s going on? where are you?”

as usual, the nickname makes butterfly erupt in your stomach, even in the state you’re in right now. however, what really warms your heart is the jingling of keys, already working his way outside his house just to get to you.

“i-i’m home. p-p-please, come h-here.”

“i’ll be there in five seconds, baby, okay?”

you hang up, too exhausted to answer as the last bit of strength you have left is currently being used to dehydrate your body since your tears seem to never stop.

when you hear the rumbling of his bike from outside, you finally take a deep breath, although it’s still hard to breathe between your sobs. you thank yourself for always having a spare key, which only jj knows about and where it’s hidden.

as soon as he enters the home, nervously looking for you, his face drops, horror is written all over his features as he looks at the sight before him: broken pieces of glass and ceramic are littering the ground, clothes are thrown on the couch and right on the front door, a picture on the floor that shows both you and your boyfriend. ex-boyfriend, but to jj that wasn’t a given yet.

his eyes finally found your shaking figure and he runs to you, anger and concern are the only emotions on his face as he crouches down in front of you.

“tell me he didn’t hurt you. tell me he didn’t throw this stuff at you because i swear to god i’m gonna kill him,” and you believe him.

perhaps you wouldn’t have if it was a different situation, but the look in his eyes clearly tells you that he’s about to commit murder if you don’t stop him.

“baby, please, talk to me. i just need to know that you’re okay, i need to know you’re not hurt,” he pleads, but your breathing gets harder the more you think about the bomb you’re about to drop.

“he didn’t hurt me,” you whisper softly, your crying finally calms down for a second.

“what happened?”

you look into his beautiful eyes, the same ones that never judged you and only ever gazed at you with so much affection and admiration, “i’m pregnant.”

even saying the words brings you to tears again as jj tries to calm himself down from the shock. his best friend, the woman he has loved for as long as he can remember, is pregnant…with another man’s child. he’s hurting, but he knows that it’s not about him and his stupid feelings right now.

“wha-whe- is it nathan’s?” he’s so shaken up by your confession he can barely make out a coherent sentence, but his question is a genuine one.

the annoyed look in your eyes tells him that it was a stupid question on his part, ‘whose would it be?’ your expression says.

“he left, j. he left me. he-” you stop yourself before you can tell him what he did, “he didn’t want us,” you simply say.

now he understands. he wants to kill him. he can’t believe he would do this to you, he knew he was a douchebag who didn’t deserve you, but this? this is low even for him.

jj wraps his arms tightly around your body, sitting on the floor next to you as he shifts in order to let you rest your head against his chest. he gently shushes your sobs as he rocks your body, bending his neck to press his lips on your forehead.

“it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay, sunshine. i got you. we’ll figure this out, ” he whispers, reassuring and reminding you of his presence.

the name he used to call you when you were just two teenagers brings a whole different sentiment grow in your chest as you finally feel safe.

you hold onto his t-shirt for dear life while your sobs finally seem to die down.

“don’t go, please,” you murmur against the cotton of his shirt and he swears his heart breaks.

jj cradles your face in his hands, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs as they get rid of your tears, and he stares into your eyes, an intense and strange look in his, “never. i’ll never leave you, you understand? i’m right here.”

the rawness and honesty in his voice makes you let out another soft sob and he kisses your head again.

“listen to me,” he says once his eyes are fixed on yours, “i’ll be here for everything, okay? i won’t let you go through all of this alone. it’s you and me.”

you nod slowly, your head still in his hands, “you and me.”

jj has been your rock since you were just a couple of kids, of troublemakers running around the cut hand in hand. you don’t remember one time in your life where he wasn’t there, protecting you from everything that’s wrong in the world and holding you when things got tough.

and even in this new and complicated situation, one neither of you have ever been in, he doesn’t hesitate to step up and do what he does best: taking care of you.

once you don’t have any tears left in you, he watches as you relax against him, your arms around him as he keeps rocking you. jj lifts your body from the ground and brings you to bed, laying you on the mattress. he gently throws a blanket on your sleeping body before bending down to kiss your forehead.

when he goes to leave the room, the sound of your voice stops him, “where you going?”

“i’ll stay here, don’t worry. i was going to sleep on the couch,” he smiles, reassuring you that he’ll be here for you in the morning.

“can you stay…here?” your voice is weak and sleepy, and he can’t say no to you.

“of course, sunshine.”

he lies next to you and you immediately go to rest your head on his chest, while his arms wrap around you, protecting you for as long as he can. one hand starts smoothing your hair out of your face, while the other is firmly hugging your waist.

“j,” you call him, so softly he almost doesn’t hear you, “i’m scared.”

he tightly shuts his eyes and kisses your head again, his lips lingering on your skin a little too long, “i know; i know, sunshine, but i’m not going anywhere, okay? you’re gonna have to kick me out if you want me to stay away.”

you chuckle and nuzzle your head further in his neck, inhaling the perfume of cheap cologne that brings you so much comfort, “thank you.”

the next morning, you find yourself in an empty bed, no sign of jj. the thought of him leaving you too begins to crawl inside you, mixed with fear and disappointment. you can hear the soft sound of your old tv playing in the living room, you didn’t leave it on, did you?

you slowly walk to your kitchen, an open space with the living room, and there he is, your favorite person in the whole world standing in front of a cooking pan while humming a song to himself.

“g’morning,” you mumble, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you walk closer to him.

“good morning, sunshine,” he smiles at you, “i was making you breakfast.”

you grin at him; how stupid of you to think he would ever leave you.

your eyes scan the room as a frown starts to form on your face, “did you clean the mess from last night?”

he turns to you and nervously rubs the back of his head, “oh - uhm, yeah. there was glass everywhere, didn’t want you to get hurt, y’know.”

your feet take you to where he’s standing and your arms circle around his torso, resting your head against his chest. at first he’s startled by the sudden affection, but he recovers quickly, holding you close to him. you’re enjoying the comforting feeling of being in his arms when the smell of the eggs he’s cooking hits you, making you scrunch your nose.

suddenly, you feel an upsetting sensation in your stomach and you soon realize that your baby doesn’t agree with eggs.

“oh shit,” you say as you unwrap yourself from him and all but run to the bathroom, leaving a very confused jj behind you.

however, the sound of you being sick makes him move to the bathroom’s open door. you’re kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up as you try to hold your hair back. jj immediately kneels behind you and wraps his hand around your hair while his other hand strokes your back.

when you’re done, you let yourself fall with your back against the bathtub while he follows you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“what was that about?” he asks softly, “did you eat something bad last night?”

you chuckle, “morning sickness, j. gonna have to do this for a while.”

“you’re telling me you’re gonna throw up every morning?”

your hand plays with his shirt as your head finds a comfortable position against his chest, “i started having it a week ago and i did some research, it should last at least two months,” you sigh, “anyway, i’m going to the doctor this afternoon and i’ll ask her about it, just to make sure.”

“i’m coming with you,” he says, holding you tighter.

“j, you don’t have to,” although the smile on your face says otherwise.

his lips press against your forehead, “i told you, i won’t let you go through this alone.”

he keeps his promise, like always. that same afternoon he picks you up and brings you to the doctor’s office. when you’re ready for your exam, the doctor tells him that he can come into the room as your private parts are covered.

jj sits next to you as the gynecologist squeezes a cold substance on your stomach, prepping you for your sonogram.

“so,” she starts, eyeing the man beside you, “you are…?”

“i’m her best friend; jj, ma’am,” jj says, showing her a polite grin.

“well, nice to meet you. are you ready, y/n?”

you nervously smile at her, “yeah, i am.”

the gynecologist begins the sonogram and the sound of a pulse starts filling the room, “this is your baby’s heartbeat,” she smiles and you unconsciously grab jj’s hand, his fingers intertwining with yours immediately, “and this,” she points to a bunch of black and white lines, “this is your baby.”

a laugh full of disbelief escapes your lips and jj’s eyes fall on your face, admiring you.

“i’ll leave you alone for a couple of minutes, okay?” the doctor says before leaving the room.

he brings your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles, “you okay, sunshine?”

your eyes are full of tears when you answer him, “thank you for coming with me.”

“i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

jj maybank isn’t known for being responsible, for owning up to his mistakes, or for making the smartest decisions, but when it comes to you? he’d give up everything just to get you to show him that beautiful smile of yours that makes his insides churn up and his heart flutter in his chest.

therefore, when he finds out you’re going to tell your parents about the pregnancy, he doesn’t leave your side, just like he promised. he might be unreliable to anyone else that knows him, but to you he’s always been the only person you can count on.

his hand is squeezing yours as you both look at your parents’ reaction after finding out about your situation.

“is it his?” your father asks, pointing at jj.

“no, it’s nathan’s. he - uhm,” jj rubs his thumb on the back of your hand, comforting you, “he left.”

“oh, come here,” your mom walks to you, taking you in her arms and your dad does the same not long after.

“jj, don’t take this wrong way, son, but what are you doing here?” your father asks, confusion written all over his face.

your parents have known jj since forever, just like you, and they both know how much you care for each other. it’s not a secret they’ve been waiting for you and him to get together, but no one dares to say it out loud.

“she’s a strong woman, sir, i know she could do this alone but i don’t want her to. so i’ll be by her side as long as she’ll have me.”

your dad nods at him while your mom goes to give him a hug too, taking him by surprise.

after spending the rest of the day at your parents’, jj takes you home. it’s been a couple of days since your boyfriend left you and although you’re still hurt by what he’s done, every time you walk into your house and remember that he’s not there, a sense of relief washes over you.

before jj can go back to his apartment, he stops at the front door, the question eating him alive for days. he calls your name, bringing your attention to him, “listen, i don’t want you to talk about it if you aren’t ready but…what happened the other night? i - i keep thinking about the mess on the floor and it’s haunting me.”

you walk to him, resting your hands on his chest, “promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

his eyes look into yours, “i can’t promise you that,” his low and raspy voice makes your stomach flip.

“j…i don’t want you to get hurt.”

“what did he do?”

you lick your lips, slowly gnawing on the bottom one, “he threw some things,” you swallow thickly.

“at you?”

“jj, please-“

“just answer the question,” his eyes are full of rage and you don’t know what he’s going to do once he gets to know the truth, but you’re too far into the story to lie now.

“yes. he missed…twice. i - i think he was drunk, that’s the only explanation i have. he had never done something like this before.”

the look in his eyes is scaring you, not because you fear him, but because you fear what he might do. he protects you; that’s what he’s always done for you and knowing that he couldn’t do that when nathan was with you is killing him.

“j?” you ask as he still hasn’t said anything.

“i’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

your arm wraps around his bicep, stopping him, “you don’t have to do this. i’m okay.”

“because his aim is shit! that’s why you’re okay!” he all but shouts, “i’m just going to make sure he doesn’t have the chance to do it again.”

you place the hand that isn’t stopping him on his cheek, cradling his face and forcing his gaze on you, “i don’t like this,” you whisper, your faces closer than you had realized before.

his eyes finally soften; he slowly wraps his fingers around your wrist, that was brushing against his chin, and gently places a kiss on it, then on your palm, “he’ll get what he deserves,” he rasps as his forehead falls on yours, your noses brushing against each other.

“just -“ you sigh, your breath hitting his mouth, and he swears his heart skips a beat at the feeling, “be careful.”

he uses all of his self-control to not kiss your mouth until you can’t breathe anymore, but he can’t help himself from kissing the tip of your nose and then your forehead, “i will,” he reassures you.

when he shows up at your door the morning after, you don’t ask questions. the split lip, the purple bruise around his eye and the bandages around his hand are everything you need to know. he doesn’t tell you what happened and if you want to be honest, you don’t really want to know, so luckily, that was the last time either of you brought the subject up.

everyday, jj is there for you, holding your hair up when you’re sick and bringing you all the weird foods you start craving. when he said he wasn’t going to leave you, he meant it. he picks up all your calls immediately, even if it’s in the middle of the night.

“hey, sunshine,” he answers his phone, one night. he checks the time on the clock sitting on his bedside table: 3 a.m.

you’re already in your third month of pregnancy, so it’s been roughly a month since you found out. it has now become almost a habit for you to call him when you have a craving, therefore he doesn’t worry anymore when you call him so late at night.

“hey…this is going to sound weird,” you say, clearly nervous.

“what’s up?”

“i really, really want cookie dough ice cream…and popcorn.”

a moment passes before he answers, the sound of him moving some things around does not go unnoticed by you, “okay, i’ve got popcorn at my place. i can see if i can find an open gas station? for the ice cream, i mean.”

you smile, “you’re the best, you know that?”

“i know, but i love it when you say it.”

your cheeks turn cherry red, “text me when you’re coming, ‘kay?”

“sure, sunshine. don’t worry ‘bout me.”

the thing that still takes you aback is the lack of hesitation whenever you ask something; no one has ever treated you like this, except him but something feels different this time.

“my hero!” you say in a theatrical manner when jj enters your bedroom, a bag of popcorn in one hand and a small tub of ice cream in the other.

“gotta save the princess in distress,” he smirks before handing you the goods and leaving the room again, “i’ll get you a spoon.”

he holds you close to his chest for the rest of the night, almost lying to himself that this could be a habit for the rest of your lives.

you can’t deny how much you want this too, and your pregnancy hormones are making it even harder to resist him.

“oh, c’mon! it’s impossible nothing’s happened between you two yet!”

your friend, mar, is currently trying to make you talk about your ‘secret affair’ with jj, which doesn’t exist, but she keeps insisting it does.

you’ve been hanging out with her a lot more these past few months since she also has a baby, and you’re desperate for advices from someone who has already been through this.

“i swear, mar! why would something happen?”

“because he’s hot and he’s been head over heels for you since forever?”

you chuckle, before taking a sip of the water in front of you. you’re sitting at a café, hoping no one is listening to your conversation, “yeah, sure.”

she looks at you, cocking an eyebrow, “don’t tell me you don’t know. you really think he’s not in love with you?”

you shrug, “yeah, ‘cause he’s not. he’s my best friend, that’s it.”

“you’re telling me you’ve never, even once, looked at him in a different way? not even in a i-want-to-jump-his-bones kind of way?”

you’re sure your cheeks are turning red now, “maybe…but that doesn’t count!”

“what doesn’t?”

“i mean, i’ve always thought he was hot, but lately things have felt different - i have been feeling differently,” you correct yourself.

you don’t tell her that you’ve been admiring him from afar all those years of friendship, how watching him with someone else makes a sick feeling in your stomach grow, or how your heart seems to jump out of your chest whenever he touches you.

she leans closer to you, her elbows sitting on the small table between you, “different how?” she smirks.

“the jump-his-bones thing…” you mumble, “but i think there’s something different with me! i don’t know, maybe it’s the pregnancy.”

she seems to think about your words for a moment, “wait, this is about your fourth month, right?” you nod, “that’s totally normal! your hormones start going crazy around the fourth month of pregnancy. i couldn’t keep my hands off mike during that time,” she says, referring to her husband.

“is that what this is? i thought i was turning into a horny teenager.”

you both laugh before you continue, “i guess i can call my gynecologist and see if she can give me a pill or something.”

“oh yeah, that’s what you need: a good…pill.”

you playfully roll your eyes at her, “shut up.”

“i bet jj would be happy to help you with that by the way.”

“mar!”

she throws her hands in the air, “just saying.”

as you drive back home, your friend’s words keep replaying in your head.

could he really be in love with you? and even if he were, why wouldn’t he tell you, especially right now?

you mindlessly walk through the front door, still deep in your thoughts, when you hear a strange sound coming from the corridor. you automatically place your hand on your phone, ready to call ‘someone’, before your head turns to the window, your eyes searching for jj’s truck. when you see it right outside your house, you sigh in relief.

“jj?” you call his name, walking towards the sound.

“in here!” he yells, his voice now clearly coming from the empty room in your apartment.

when you find yourself outside the room, you have to stop yourself from actually drooling at the sight; he’s kneeling on the ground, shirtless and sweating, as he’s working with some pieces of wood. you’re not really sure what he’s doing but you’re sure as hell enjoying the view.

“j, what are you doing?” you ask as you enter what’s supposed to be a spare room, confusion and amusement written all over your face.

“i’m building a crib,” he says nonchalantly while your lips slightly part at his words.

your hand automatically travels to your growing belly, “what?”

“i thought i would get ahead of things, before everything becomes crazy and shit, i don’t know. wanted to surprise you,” he shrugs, although it’s obvious he cares about your reaction.

“is this going to be the baby’s room?”

he finally rises rom his kneeling position and walks to you, standing at the door to look at the room in front of you, “you don’t like it?”

tears start to form in your eyes and you don’t even know why, “it’s just - it’s so boring and plain! i-“ you take a deep breath and look at jj, “i love what you’re doing, j. it’s the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me but…this room is so ugly.”

you almost start to cry when he wraps an arm around your shoulders, bringing your body flush against his, and kisses your head, “i’m sorry,” you whisper against his naked chest, your insides turning at the feeling of his skin.

“hey, it’s okay. did you really think i wanted to keep those beige walls in a baby’s room?”

you crane your neck to look up at him, “you don’t?”

he chuckles, “of course not, baby. i wanted to paint the walls a different color, that’s for sure. i was thinking green. would you like that?”

you nod and wrap your arms around his neck, jumping slightly to rest your head right where his neck meets his shoulder, “yes, yes! that’s so pretty!”

he’s completely taken aback by your sudden burst of happiness, not that he minds, he would do absolutely anything to make you happy. jj wraps his arms tightly around your torso and spins you a little as you giggle, the sound like a sweet melody he never wants to stop listening to.

when your feet hit the ground again, you place your hands on his reddened cheeks and kiss one of them sweetly, “thank you.”

“anything for you, you know that.”

you smile up at him, showing him your sweetest smile, one that’s always been his. his arms are still circling around your torso, keeping you close to him and you swear you see his eyes flicker to your lips for a second, but that’s it; only a second, before he goes back to what he was doing previous to your arrival.

the next day, jj shows up at your house with full buckets of green paint, brushes and rollers in plastic bags and that grin on his face you love so much, “put on some old clothes, baby, because we’re painting a room today.”

you look at him incredulous, “are you serious right now?”

“uhhh, yeah?”

he walks to what will be the baby’s room while you run to your closet, excited to do this for your child. you wear a big, worn, white t-shirt, which you’re sure is actually jj’s, and a pair of denim overalls your mom gave to you when she found out about your pregnancy, since they’re bigger than your usual size.

jj swears his heart skips a beat when he sees you, the look suits you so much he wishes he could kiss you right then and there.

“so, are we doing this?” you ask, walking to him as he tries to stop staring and gawking at you.

he hands you a paint roller, already covered in the light pastel green tint, and you take it with a determined smile on your face, which he returns.

“where do i start?”

“just paint the center and i’ll do the edges and hard spots,” he says as he also picks his own roller.

“you think i can’t handle the ‘hard spots’, maybank?” you grin in a teasing manner, making fun of the way he spoke to you and doing air quotes with your free hand.

“i think i don’t want you to climb a ladder. i won’t help you if you fall on your ass.”

you push his shoulder jokingly, “shut up, you would carry me around for weeks if i ever fall,” you add, laughing at the image you have in your head of a very tired jj giving you piggyback rides.

“yeah, i would,” and the smile on his face is a genuine one this time.

you and jj fall in a comfortable silence as you paint the walls of your baby’s room, illuminated by the soft afternoon light coming from the window. everything has always been easy with him, you never once felt judged or self-conscious around him, because you know that no matter what happens, he’ll always take your side.

you glance at him from time to time, his thin, white cotton shirt giving you a full view of his abs. you can’t help yourself from feeling warmer only by looking at him, and at this point you’re not sure you can blame it all on your pregnancy hormones.

“wanna listen to some music?” he asks after a while.

“sure.”

jj takes his phone out of the back pocket of his ripped jeans, and after scrolling his screen for a while, he sets it down on the floor as ‘i’m walking on sunshine’ by katrina and the waves starts playing.

“seriously?” you laugh at him as he starts moving his hips to the music and bopping his head.

“what?”

he keeps painting, enjoying the giggles leaving your lips as you look at him.

“you’re ridiculous!”

“oh yeah?”

he takes your free hand and starts spinning you around which leads the acrylic covering the roll in your other hand to splatter on him and yourself.

“jj!” you act mad, although you can’t keep the laughter inside you.

“you know, green hair suits you,” he teases.

“oh, you’re dead!”

suddenly, your roller is sliding down his shirt as a gasp leaves his lips.

“you didn’t!”

in the blink of an eye, you’re both splattering paint on each other, your clothes ruined and your smiles so big your cheeks hurt.

you turn around as you squeal from the amount of paint you’re throwing at each other, but it’s so fun you don’t even care. when you ‘accidentally’ cover his face in green, it’s over.

your mouth is agape and a choked laugh escapes you at the sight. jj lets his roller fall down on the ground as he uses both of his hands to get rid of the paint, so slowly that it’s now become comical.

“that’s it. come here!”

he runs after you, making you scream in amusement, but the chase doesn’t last long as he wraps his arms around your torso from behind, slightly lifting you from the ground while you bend your legs and then he puts you immediately back with your feet on the floor, never letting you go. he smothers his face on your shoulder and cheek while you keep laughing, your stomach almost hurting from how much fun you’re having.

“stop, stop!” you try to say between choked gasps.

you manage to turn around in his arms and face him, stupid grins on both your faces and as you both realize how close you are to each other, your chuckles die down. you reach his green cheek with your hand, trying to get rid of the paint.

“green suits you, maybank,” you say, mocking him.

“i hate you,” his voice is hoarse as he looks down at you, wrapped in his arms and completely happy.

your hand travels down to his jaw, until your palm touches his chin; his breath hitches at your soft touch.

“you don’t,” you whisper.

your eyes flicker from his to his lips while your thumb brushes against his bottom lip, removing the residual green on them. you can’t help yourself from staring at them, biting your own bottom lip unconsciously.

“yeah, i don’t,” he mumbles, slowly leaning down as your mouths get dangerously close to each other and you can feel his breath fanning out on your parted lips.

his eyes stare into yours, a thousand words left unsaid. your other hand is resting on his hard chest and the loud thumping of his heart against your touch makes you flutter your eyes close.

“do you want me to stop?” he breathes out, with his lips already brushing against yours.

you open your eyes, and when you’re about to tell him to just kiss you - the sound of your doorbell wakes you up from your trance.

as your heart tries to get back to a normal rate, you unwrap yourself from his arms with an apologetic smile; you clear your throat, “i - i have to - uhm, the door-“

to say he made you a flustered mess is an understatement. he chuckles lightly, “right.”

when you open the front door, annoyed at whoever ruined the moment you were having with jj, the last person on earth you would’ve expected stands outside.

“nathan,” you gasp.

you look down at your clothes, green paint all over you, and then back up at him. is this really happening?

“is this a bad time?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“hey, who was at the-“

‘this is bad’ you think to yourself, horror clear on your face.

jj speed walks to you, an arm is thrown protectively in front of you as he gives the man the most intense death stare you’ve ever seen.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” jj asks with so much venom in his voice.

“i need to talk to you. what the fuck is he doing here?” nathan looks at you, completely ignoring the blond beside you.

“no. you’re going to stay outside and talk to me.”

shit.

“j, calm down, please. don’t do anything stupid,” you turn to the blond beside you, placing a hand on his chest, but it’s useless; he’s already walking outside, with you hot on his heels.

“get back inside,” he tells you, his eyes never leaving the man in front of him.

“hey, look at me,” you force his head to turn to you by placing your hands on his cheeks, and his gaze finally softens, “you’ve already done enough. stop it.”

“i don’t want you to be alone with him.”

“but i need to do this alone, please.”

you can see his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he looks between you and nathan, “whatever happens, i’m inside.”

you give him a reassuring smile, “i know.”

you watch as he walks back into your apartment, and you turn back to your ex boyfriend.

“what are you doing here, nathan?” you ask annoyed.

“you’re my girl and that’s my baby,” he says pointing to your prominent belly, “what is he doing here?”

“your girl? what are you talking about? you left us months ago!”

“no, you kicked me out-“

“because you didn’t want us! you tried to hit me, nathan! what the hell do you want from me?”

he walks closer to you, but you instinctively take a step back, showing him how much you fear him, and that makes a sick smile appear on his face, “that’s still my baby. you hate it, don’t you?”

what you don’t realize is that he’s not smiling at you, but at the blond man standing outside your door with his arms across his chest. the thought of leaving you alone with nathan was making him sick to his stomach and he couldn’t stay inside any longer.

“i don’t hate my baby. i’m their mother and i’ll love them until my last breath, and i know other people will too. they’re just unlucky to have a sick and piece of shit of a father-“

your breath is knocked out of your lungs when a hand almost hits you in the face; the blow is stopped by someone else’s fingers wrapped around nathan’s wrist.

“you think i don’t know why you came here?” jj spits at him, “did you really think i didn’t know you were here for revenge? you want nothing to do with this baby, you never did.”

nathan looks at you and then back at jj, “oh yeah? then why are you here? i know you’re just waiting for her to give it up like the sl-“ before he could end his sentence, jj’s hand wraps around his throat, throwing him on the wall beside your door.

“c’mon, what were you saying, huh? let’s see if you’ve got the balls to say it!” he yells in his face.

“get off me!”

nathan tries to get rid of jj’s assault, pushing at him as he can feel his fingers tighten around his throat, choking him.

“JJ! STOP IT!” you scream as you can see the brown haired’s face start to get redder, fighting for air.

“stay the fuck away from my girl, you got it?” jj all but growls.

he finally lets go of nathan, pushing his head back on the wall violently as he does so, emitting a groan of pain from him. nathan starts coughing violently, trying to regain his breath, when jj speaks again, “and if i see you near her again, if i hear you talking about her, i swear i won’t stop until you’re dead.”

he walks over to you, placing one hand on your back as he gently pushes you inside the house. when he closes the door behind him, he spins you around and his eyes are immediately scanning over your face, checking for injuries, “he didn’t touch you, right?”

“j,” you gulp, “you could’ve killed him.”

he licks his lips and then avoids your eyes, “should’ve done it the moment i found out what he did to you. he’s lucky i haven’t done it yet.”

you put some distance between you two, causing him to look at you with hurt written all over his features, “you could’ve gone to jail, jj. what the hell were you thinking?”

“i was thinking he was about to hit you! did you want me to give him a pat on the back for almost slapping you in the face?”

you rub your hands on your face, confusion and frustration hitting you all at once, “i don’t want you to get hurt or get in such serious trouble because of me. that’s all i’m saying.”

he takes a step closer to you, “you do realize i would go to jail for you? i don’t care. there’s no way i would’ve let him get away for hurting you and the baby. and yes, y/n, i would kill for the both of you.”

you inhale sharply, closing your eyes for a second. when you reopen them, you take the last steps that separate you and throw your arms around his neck, hugging him close to you. he’s quick to catch you, one arm wrapped tightly around your torso and the other resting on your head.

“just because you would go to jail for me doesn’t mean i want you to,” you whisper, your lips on his neck, “i need you to stay here…with us. i want the baby to know the wonderful man that you are, okay?”

his arm tighten, if that’s possible, around you, “okay, baby. i’m right here; not going anywhere.”

it’s been almost two months since the last time you saw your ex boyfriend now. nothing has changed between you and jj, although the air is different; there’s a tension every time you look at each other and neither of you knows how to deal with it.

lingering touches and stolen glances are part of your day to day life and you don’t know how long you can keep this facade up before one of you decides to do something about it.

it’s currently five in the morning and you’re lying on your bed as one hand rests on your belly, rubbing the naked skin lovingly. you were awoken by a weird sensation in your stomach but now everything feels normal and you’re trying to fall asleep again, when the feeling comes back.

“oh my god,” you whisper to yourself, “you’re kicking. oh my god!”

you reach for your phone immediately, giggling at the feeling of little feet kicking in your stomach.

you don’t even give him the time to say something, “j, you have to come here right now!”

well, that got his attention instantly and he’s already putting his shoes on as he asks: “what’s going on? are you okay? is the baby okay?”

“they’re kicking! they’re kicking for the first time, j. you have to feel this! oh my god, it’s so weird!”

jj is already getting in his car when he smiles widely at your voice, your happiness so clear in your words that his heart clenches at the sound, “yeah? good weird or bad weird?”

“good weird,” you say, sighing happily, “definitely good weird.”

“stay right there, love. i’ll be there before you know it, okay?”

you hear the sound of the motor of the car, already moving and ready to get to you, “m’kay. we’ll wait for you.”

when he arrives, he almost runs into your room and launches himself on the bed, letting a big laugh erupt from your lips; his favorite music.

“come here, come here. they started kicking like crazy when i talked to you!” you tell him as he climbs up higher on the bed to kiss your forehead, making you smile even wider.

you take his hand and place it on your stomach, although the movements have stopped at least five minutes ago.

“is it happening?” he whispers, his eyes fixed on your face, admiring your beauty slightly illuminated by the moonlight coming from the window.

“not anymore,” your hand guides his around on your belly, hoping the contact will make the baby move again, “i can’t believe you missed it.”

“hey,” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, turning your attention to him, “it’s okay. i wish i was here for the first time, but i don’t want you to be upset about it. they kicked! we should be happy about this, sunshine.”

you smile at each other and you lean into his touch, “i know,” you sigh, “they’re already growing so fast, i can’t-“

the feeling of something moving inside you, interrupts you, “they’re doing it again, j!”

his hand is still resting on your stomach and he chuckles in disbelief when he can feel the movement too, “oh my god, this is amazing!”

you look at him, your eyes shining from the joy of sharing this moment with him, and when he turns to you again and notices that your eyes were already on him, he kisses your cheek, so slowly and with so much affection that it takes you by surprise.

“i wish i could be here for everything,” he confesses, almost to himself, “every little thing, i want to be here; for you and for them.”

“then stay,” the words escape your lips unconsciously, but there’s no turning back now, “i mean, if you want. you can move in.”

his eyes widen while a big grin plays on his face, “are you serious?”

you nervously bite your bottom lip, scared that he might think that you’re crossing too many lines, “yeah, if you want. you said you want to be here for everything and if you lived here, you could. it was just a thought, if you don’t want this, i-“

his arms wrap around you in a swift motion, startling you but you recover quickly by returning the hug, “i’ll take this as a yes?”

he looks at you, lying on his side as one arm is still resting on your waist, “of course! i care about you, both of you. i don’t want to miss anything.”

you smile at him and scoot closer to feel his comforting touch, “go back to sleep, sunshine,” he whispers, “i’ll be here when you wake up.”

jj spends hours watching you sleep, the sound of your soft breaths, the peacefulness on your features, the way you try to get closer to him, even in your sleep; he’s so in love with you, it hurts sometimes. he wants nothing but to spend the rest of his life like this, sleeping in the same bed and holding each other until morning comes.

and that’s how you spend your nights from now on. when you asked him to move in with you, you both agreed he would have to sleep on the pullout couch, because that’s what made sense, right?

but how can you sleep so far away from him when he’s so close? he’s your safe haven, always have been and always will. therefore, you end up sleeping on the pullout couch more often than you’d like to admit, and he ends up in bed with you, because he can’t stay away from you either.

‘i had a nightmare’

‘i can’t sleep’

‘do you feel like watching a movie?’

bad excuses to spend the night together, that’s what they are.

you’re currently lying on the pullout couch, jj’s head on your chest as you’re both trying to sleep. when he thinks you have drift off, his hand falls on your belly, gently stroking it as a thousand mental pictures of your future together fill his head. he unwraps himself from you and positions himself in order to place his head on your stomach. maybe it’s silly, but the book that lays on your bedside table said that babies can hear you even when they’re in the womb; so it’s worth a try, he thinks.

“hi, baby,” he mumbles against your skin, “i know we don’t know each other yet, but i love you very much, and so does your mom. you’re very lucky, y’know? she’s the best mom you could’ve asked for,” he softly kisses the skin, “and i swear i’ll try to be enough for both you and her. i wish i could give you everything in the world, but for now i hope my heart is enough.”

jj sighs, slowly rubbing the skin with his thumb, completely unaware that his movements woke you up a while ago, “you know, your mom already had my heart before, she always did, but sssh, this is a secret between you and me, mh?” he chuckles softly, “but you? well, you and your mom have been sharing my heart since the moment i found out about you. i know it’ll be yours forever, i don’t want it to be anyone else’s.”

a moment passes before he can get the next words out, “i love you both so much, you have no idea,” he says, his voice breaking as he does so.

“j?” you inhale sharply, too scared of making a sound. your heart is beating so fast and tears are welling up in your eyes as you look down at the man who’s been taking care of you for as long as you can remember.

“i - i thought you were asleep…” he says, his eyes full of fear as he gets up from his position to lay next to you.

“what was that about?” your voice is barely a whisper. did he just confess that he loves you? what did he mean?

“i read that babies can hear you even when they’re not born yet…thought maybe it would be nice to talk to them i guess,” his eyes avoid yours at all costs, hoping that you didn’t hear everything he said. the situation is already complicated as it is, he doesn’t want to make your life harder than it is right now.

“not that. the things you said…j, did you mean them?” your hand cradles his face, forcing him to finally look at you as a thousand emotions are written in his eyes.

“y/n, i-“

“yes or no. did you mean them?”

you don’t want to play childish games, not anymore. you can’t keep acting like you don’t know what’s going on between you.

“yes.”

the breath you let out is shaky and you can barely keep your composure with the amount of feelings you have right now. you’ve always known he loves you, but not like this. this is a different kind of love that you thought he would never have for you, and it scares you.

your hand falls from his cheek, but he’s quick to hold it in his, bringing it to his chest as you can feel his thumping heart beneath your touch; or maybe it’s yours, you’re not even sure at this point.

“nothing has to change, please,” his eyes search for yours, full of panic, “don’t push me away; not now. i have to take care of you and the baby, i can’t imagine a life without you. i can move out, if that makes you more comfortable-“

“yes. you should move out,” you don’t want to do this, and that’s clear by the way your voice breaks, but it’s what’s best for everyone involved, “you can come over whenever you want, but i don’t think you should keep living here.”

he drops your hand, putting some space between you two, as rejection is written all over his features. he slowly nods his head, keeping his tears at bay, “whatever you think is right for you.”

you avoid his eyes, sitting up, and you start to get up from the bed. for the umpteenth time, he’s putting your happiness before his. your eyes water as you stand in front of the couch, showing him your back before you turn around to face him, his body still laying on the mattress.

“this isn’t what i want, j,” you whisper.

he finally looks up at you, “then what do you want, y/n?” he raises from the bed, towering over you, “because i’ll do it. whatever you want, but you have to say it. you know what i want, what i’ve always wanted,” his face is so close to yours that you don’t know how long you’ll be able to hold yourself back, “now look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want the same things.”

you close your eyes for a second before looking up at him, “i want you to be happy and free. i don’t want you to feel trapped, with a baby and everything, i-“ you sigh in frustration, “i don’t want to be a burden, not anymore.”

“you were never a burden,” his hands are placed on your arms as if to beg you to stay, “and you never trapped me. i stayed because i wanted to. what do i have to do to make you understand that this is what i want? i’m not messing around, y/n.”

you swallow thickly, the intense look in his eyes making your legs feel weak, “j, i-“

“just tell me.”

“what if you regret-“

“please,” he whispers as he lets his forehead touch yours, your heaving chests almost brushing against each other from the closeness.

“kiss me,” and he does, instantly.

his lips move gently against yours at first, tasting you, until the kiss becomes more urgent and rough. his tongue thrusts inside your mouth, claiming it and exploring it for the first time. years and years of pining and sexual frustration all in one long and breathless kiss.

one of his hands rests on your hip, almost brushing against your naked skin, while the other is placed on the back of your head, before it starts to trail down along your spine. you can’t help yourself from moaning against his mouth, tugging on his hair as you do so, which makes a low groan slip from his throat. he slowly makes you walk backwards and pushes you against the kitchen counter, without ever breaking the kiss.

his hands wrap around your naked thighs, slowly reaching for your behind and helping you sit on the counter. your legs rest on either side of him as his hands touch the exposed skin of your legs.

you lightly push him away, your foreheads still touching as you try to regain your breath, “oh my god,” you breathe out, emitting a chuckle from him.

“i second that.”

your noses brush against each other as you take deep breaths, “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do this,” he mumbles on your lips.

“me too, j,” you say with your hands still tangled in his hair.

he pecks your lips once, then twice, before his mouth starts leaving a trail of wet kisses from your jaw down to your neck, sucking and lightly biting on the spot below your ear, making you gasp at the feeling; the sound going right into his pants.

“fuck - the things you do to me, sunshine…” he rasps, his lips still nipping and kissing your exposed skin.

“wait,” you say and he raises his head to look at you.

“you want me to stop? we don’t have to do anything.”

he rubs your thigh with his thumb, comforting you, “i want this; i really do, but…” you look down, too embarrassed to face him, “my body is…different now.”

“oh, baby. your body is perfect. you really don’t know how hard you make me, do you? you’re sexy as hell, baby. so fucking gorgeous.”

your let your eyes fall to the prominent bulge in his pants before looking up at him, your cheeks flushed, “hey, if you want to wait, i’ll do it. i’ll wait for you as long as you need. waited my whole life, i can do it a little longer,” he whispers, seeing your hesitation.

“you can’t say things like that and expect me to not want you to take my clothes off.”

he chuckles lightly, before you slowly jump down the counter and take his hand, intertwining your fingers together.

you begin walking towards your room, your back to the door and your front to jj’s. your lips press against his jaw, leaving sweet kisses, until they reach his ear, “i want you to make love to me,” you murmur, your lips on his earlobe, gently biting it as a growl leaves his mouth, “then i want you to fuck me.”

and let’s just say he doesn’t hesitate for one second. he worships your body all night, showing you exactly how you should be treated, how all of the other guys you’ve been with were nothing compared to what he’s able to make you feel. you’ve never felt more comfortable with someone in bed, and even in your situation, he still manages to make you feel beautiful and sexy.

you fall asleep in his arms, naked and finally happy.

week 34 of pregnancy

“JJ I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T DRIVE FASTER I’LL KILL YOU!” you yell as your boyfriend is driving you to the hospital.

his foot hits the gas a little bit more, his arm wrapped in front of you, as if the seatbelt isn’t enough.

“breathe, baby, just breathe,” he keeps telling you and you’re really close to strangling him.

another contraction hits you and you grab his arm, tightly shutting your eyes from the pain. jj quickly checks the time on the watch on the hand that’s gripping the steering wheel.

“shit,” he whispers to himself, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“what?”

“the last one was four minutes ago. the baby is coming and soon.”

“it hurts, j!”

“hold on, baby, we need to get to the hospital NOW.”

by the time a nurse is pushing you on a wheelchair down the hospital halls, the contractions are three minutes apart. once they bring you to your room, jj sits next to you, holding your hand in his.

“we’re here! we’re here!” your mom says as she enters the room, followed by your dad and mar.

“i need everyone to leave the room for a second,” your doctor says and everyone follows her orders.

she examines you, checking to see if the baby is ready, “okay, y/n. it’s time. two minutes and we’re going to start, okay?”

you nod, fear obvious in your eyes, “can they come in for a second?” you ask, referring to the people outside.

“of course, but just for a second,” she calls them in.

jj runs to your side, kissing your forehead sweetly and holding your hand again, “everything okay?”

“she said two minutes and we’re starting.”

he sees the panic in your eyes and brushes some hair out of your face, in order to comfort you, “it’s okay. everything’s going to be okay, mh? and i’ll be right here, baby, i’m not leaving you.”

after hearing your parents’ and your friend’s reassuring words, the doctor comes back, “okay, i need everyone, except the father, out.”

they all leave, jj still sitting by your side. the gynecologist raises one eyebrow at him, “are you the father?”

“yes,” you answer, without thinking twice.

he doesn’t say anything; one of his arms is resting on the pillow behind your back, for you’re in a sitting position, while his other hand is still tightly holding yours.

“okay, then. ready to push?”

you nod. as the whole process goes on, jj and your doctor’s words are the only thing that are helping you through this. one of jj’s arms is now under your knee, keeping your legs open, as you start crying.

the doctor gives you a five seconds break, waiting for the next contraction while your back hits the pillow behind you, giving up the fight.

“i can’t push anymore,” you cry, jj’s hand pushing your hair out of your face, sticked to your forehead due to the sweat, and yet he thinks you look like the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

“i know, sunshine, i know. a little bit more, you can do it,” he kisses the side of your head.

“i can’t, i can’t. can you do it for me?”

he looks down at you, smiling sweetly, “i wish i could, but you’re gonna have to do this one.”

“c’mon. again, y/n,” your doctor says, resuming your previous actions.

when you finally hear the sound of a baby crying, your whole body relaxes against the pillow.

“did so good, baby. you did so good,” jj praises you, pressing his lips to your forehead.

his eyes look for the baby, resting in the gynecologist’s hands, “oh my god. oh my god, it’s a girl,” he tells you.

you look for your baby and when you see her, tears start streaming down your face again, “oh my god. she’s so tiny,” you watch as the nurses bring her away from you, “where are they taking her? j, where is she?”

“it’s okay, baby. they’re just washing her.”

“oh, okay, but be careful, she’s really tiny!”

jj chuckles wetly, tears also running down his face. a nurse hands you your baby and you instantly hold her to your chest.

“she’s so beautiful,” you whisper.

“she looks like you.”

you look up at him, “how can you say that? she was just born!”

“she’s beautiful, so she must look like you.”

your lips lightly touch her forehead, admiring her as jj does the same. when your eyes search for him again, you find him completely in awe with the baby, rubbing her small, blanket-covered arm with his thumb.

“maybank, if you don’t kiss me right now, i swear to go-“

his mouth is on yours before you can end your sentence, gently kissing your lips.

“i love you so much, sunshine.”

“i love you, j. so, so much.”

taglist:

@jjmaybankisbae @rosie-cameron @idli-dosa @notslay-norcleor @ry1ssa @jjgirl4eva @poppet05 @jjsmads @solargazes @cindersnightmare @fairlymax @chaostudee @Isabellaheulwen @fictionlife4ever @alinag11 @neteyamo @goldenroutledge @tenaciousperfectionunknown @drewsgarfieid @urrtranny @highl1lac

[bridgetoesoteria]

💌💟Realistically...What would they write in a love letter to you?

Surpriseee bish! Here is my double post as puh-romised. Its spring break, I aced my midterm, I had a nice lil chit chat with my crush where I high key let on to having feelings . *ahem* Now I wanna smoke and pull cards with my internet besties <3

So, I don't like those mushy-gushy readings that tell you the most ideal outcome, not the most realistic outcome. I am hoping to channel an authentic "letter," from the person you are here for.

Options are left to right. I hope it resonates 🥰

Pile 1

4-card spread: Page of Swords, Girl w/ Violin, Strength, The Sun. BOTD: 3 of Swords

I just want to see you happy. I hope you know that. I miss the feeling of you holding me. I think about all the times, I got to hold your hands in mine. I think you are amazing and angelic. If I ever seem difficult, or like I am pushing you away, its just because I don't want to hurt you even worse. You're the whole package. You can shine with or without me.

If there is still bad blood, I will make it right. At least that's what I think about doing. All the time. Can I step up? Can I really have my happy ending; The car, the house, the family, building a life together. I need to get over my cold feet, because the only person I see is you.

P.S.

I love your eyes. I love how much hope I feel when I look into them. I love your hair, especially the length/thickness. I love how balanced you are, and how you can consider different points of view. It has taught me to be more compassionate. It has taught me to care about someone other than myself. You show me that I can get over my demons. We could be a power couple.

(If you have a "butt chin," your person loves this too lol)

Pile 2

4-card spread: 8 of Swords, 9 of Swords(R), 9 of Wands, The Star. BOTD: The Emperor

This person is definitely very attracted to you, but we are here for a love letter, mkay? Not a sext.

I don't know why you are acting like you don't want me anymore. You better not be giving away my ____ to anyone else. I want to be with you. I consider us to be a couple, no matter what happens. If you question where my head is at, my loyalty is with you. I don't want to see you with anyone else. I hate thinking about you being out there, living like you're single. I think about us having kids, animals, a family life. (If you already have kids they want to keep the family together).

I am working on my temptations. I know I need to be more responsible and I am willing to do that. I want to try having self-control. If that means cutting other people off, or waiting until you are comfortable being physical, I will do that. I respect your boundaries. You have every right to have them. I know you are just trying to love yourself. You should always stand your ground...even with me.

P.S.

You have a beautiful heart. You are so nurturing. You keep everything flowing. You completely fulfill me. You are more than enough. You definitely know what you are doing. I wouldn't have taken you for a "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" type.

Right now, you probably are focusing on yourself. I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for. After pouring into everyone else so much, I hope you will start pouring into you now. I hope you will be receptive to all the good things you deserve.

Pile 3

4-card spread: Ace of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, Page of Cups, The Empress. BOTD: Justice

I can't figure you out. And its...amazing! It keeps everything so fresh. Maybe you don't feel like you are being mysterious but you are. I want to know what goes on "behind-the scene." I don't mean that in a pervy way. I mean, I want to know who you are, where you come from, what is currently going on in your life. I want to make the cut. Do you ever think about what your favorite diamond cut is? 💎

(Where ever your connection is, move up a step. This is not a literal proposal for everyone)

I want us to be on track. If I have to apologize, I will do that. I want to finally start something new. I want to make you feel like the king/queen that you are. I want us to be happy together. Especially if we are expecting 🤰

P.S.

Can I just brag on you really quick? I love your face shape. I love when we lock eyes. I love how you style your hair, even if I have never said so aloud. Even if I tease you about it sometimes. Its cute and so you. Everyone says we (would) go well together, and I have to agree. We could be our town's MGK and Megan Fox 🤣🤣

On a more serious point, you make me want to do better. Internally, I always feel challenged by you. I have my old beliefs, and then there's you. You make me want to throw out all the BS I believe about myself and start valuing myself more. I see how magical life can be, because I see how many miracles happen when we are together. I know I can do better.

Pile 4 4-card spread: 8 of Wands, 10 of Wands, The Emperor, 8 of Swords. BOTD: Ace of Swords.

(Your person could actually be the type to spill their feelings over texts or in the notes section of their phone)

I think about saying this all the time. I build up the courage to start typing, but I can never hit send. I just feel this lump in my throat. I'm a man! (or they are just someone who suppresses their emotions). I shouldn't have all these feelings. I feel overwhelmed by my attraction, my thoughts, my unexpressed feelings.

That's kind of what I grew up with. It was normal. People call it "traditional." I always thought (one of their parents, but I am really getting mom) could do better. Why are you still with them? I don't want that to be you. I don't want that to be our story. You always carry yourself well. I'm proud to be with you. I know you're a catch. I know you are the full package. I can't let you go. Please reconsider. I want to be with you.

P.S.

I hope you're getting rest. Don't lose sleep over me. Which is hypocritical, because I stay up thinking about you. Don't be scared...but I may have watched you sleep. I like how peaceful you look. I feel like I have privacy to fully process my emotions. I look at your face and I think about all the possibilities. It makes me nervous. If I have made a proposal of some kind, maybe to reconcile, I hope you sleep on it before you make a decision.

Pile 5 4-card spread: King of Cups, 4 of Swords, 9 of Wands, The Sun. BOTD: 8 of Swords

I think a lot of you are asking about a feminine energy, but flip the roles if needed. You could be the feminine energy being described, so maybe they want you to know you are "seen". It just started raining, so that makes me feel like this person is definitely more on the feminine side, or in touch with their emotions. You could both be young, or they're younger, or someone has a baby face.

I think about you all the time. Even when I am sad. I don't know if you know how much I struggle. My mental health isn't always in the best place. But you take my mind off of everything. I love when you look deep in thought. I come up with all these random ideas about what you could be thinking of. If you are away getting better, overcoming an ED, I hope you are being strong. I look forward to seeing you again.

You make me so happy. I miss being playful and messing with you. I could see us having babies. I think I would be a great mom/dad. But I know that's daydreaming and wishful thinking. I don't always understand your moods or what you want from me. Could you make it clear without it becoming an argument. I don't want to make you upset.

P.S.

You are soo pretty. I think your haircut really compliments your face. I love your side profile too. You are so smart. You know so much about the world around you or you are always willing to learn. I am impressed by your writing and/or creativity. I love everything about you. If I were an artist, I would make a portrait of you. You would be my muse. I just want you to know how special you are. You are 1 of 1 forreal. I am so grateful to have ever met you. You bring so much joy to my life.

Whew. GD! That was a lot lol. This took me two days. I am going to relax and enjoy the start of Spring Break. Whoop whoop 🙌

And don't laugh at me...but I just discovered archives so I might stop updating my masterlist, since you can find all my readings there too.

Lastly, I am also doing personals if you have not heard! Take a gander.

~ K

[jordyn14]

Don’t Think, Just Do | Joe burrow

Summary: Right after Joes season ending injury, he decided to have Thanksgiving dinner like always with his family. During the dinner, It seems like everything had to go wrong before it could go right.

Pairing: Joe burrow x first person fem reader

Words: 4343

Notes: this fic takes place after Joes season ending injury, so if you’re not interested, please just skip. I hope you enjoy!! <3

Taglist: @wickedfun9

It was finally Thanksgiving, which meant for the entire day, the smell of delicious food flooded the house. Like most of us already know, Joe hates turkey, so for every thanksgiving we have been together for, ham has been on the menu. There was currently a ham in the oven, along with mac and cheese that was in the fridge waiting for me to put it in the oven, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, and cheesy potatoes, all of which Joe helped make. The entire day was spent making the foods for dinner tonight. On thanksgiving every year, there is always a semi big gathering. Among those people are Joe's parents, Joe's grandparents, and Joe's brothers and their wives and kids. Because of everything that's been going on and the stress of picking out a doctor for joes surgery, we were all a little unsure of how thanksgiving was going to be, but Joe insisted that it needed to be the same as every year, and this year, since we just moved into our new house, we were having it over our house.

Every single food on the menu was done and either in the oven or in the fridge that was going to be heated up prior to dinner, so right now Joe and I were making the dough for the pumpkin pie. Usually I would stick to the lazy and easy side of things and use a premade crust, but since it was thanksgiving and Joe deserves it, I was making a homemade crust. Because we made sure to start everything early, we were right on track to have the pumpkin pie in the oven just in time for the guests to start arriving since everyone came about an hour or two before we ate dinner. In the background, the song New Person, Same Old Mistakes, by Tame Impala started to play from Joes speaker. Joe has some songs on his playlist that I don't like since I don't like a lot of rap songs, but he has a few that I really love, and this is one of them. I never knew about tame impala until he introduced me to them a few years ago, and now I love them.

I started to bop my head to the song and move my body to the rhythm of the song while putting the dough into the pie container. I moved my shoulders and body to the beat, and soon Joe joined in and started to dance with me a little bit. I couldn't help it, I loved this song. I grabbed the rolling pin that I set down after rolling out the dough and held it up like it was a microphone. "I can just hear them now, 'how could you let us down?' But they don't know what I found, or see it from this way round." I started to sing into my 'microphone' while dancing some more and walking around the island. "Oh yeah, now it's gettin' lit." Joe laughed and grabbed onto a spoon so he could sing the next lyrics. "Feeling it overtake, all that I used to hate. One by one every trait I tried, but it's way too late. All the signs I don't read. Two sides of me can't agree. Will I be in too deep?" Joe sang and gestured to me to sing this next part.

While we sang, we were a laughing mess. The both of us sucked at singing, although we loved to sing. "Going with what I always longed for...feel like a brand new person." I sang. "But you'll make the same old mistakes." Joe sang the next part that was quieter. "I don't care, I'm in love." I sang while making a little heart sign with my hands at Joe. I spun in a little circle and reached Joe who grabbed ahold of my hand and raised it above my head so I could spin. "Stop before it's too late, I know there's too much at stake." I sang. "Making the same mistakes." Joe sang. After he sang this, I prepared myself for the next high note and sang, "and I still don't know why it's happening." The both of us laughed, knowing I totally butchered the high note.

When the song was over and we sang pretty much the whole song, give or take a few lines that we missed while we danced, we went back to making our pumpkin pie. Once we were all done with it, Joe stuck it in the oven and I sat myself down on the island counter and kicked my feet while waiting, my stomach growling a little bit. Joe looked at me sitting on the island and started to walk my way. I spread my legs apart so Joe could step between them, so when he did, I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively and pulled him closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his soft hair. Joe put his hands on my waist.

"I love Thanksgiving so much, mostly for the food" I laughed. Joe nodded with a sigh and kissed my lips. "I love any day I get to spend with my wife." Joe said. My cheeks flushed red and butterflies soared through my stomach. "Damn, you fluster so easily." Joe said with a little chuckle. "It's the Joe Sheisty effect, I swear." I laughed. "Ah, okay, we can go with that." Joe joked. The both of us looked into each others eyes for a second too long until our eyes shifted to each others lips and then back up to each others eyes. After a few seconds, Joe leaned forwards and captured my lips in his. I turned my head to the right for easier access as our lips moved in perfect harmony, like they were made for each other. As we kissed, Joe slipped one of his hands under my shirt. I let out the faintest moan when his cold hands hit my skin, not expecting the cold, and I arched my back slightly.

With his hand under my shirt, he began to run his cool fingers up and down my back as we kissed. With the other hand, he brought it up and cupped my cheek. I ran my fingers through his hair, over his shoulders, down to his biceps, then his back muscles. Our hands explored each other's body's as if we hadn't touched each other in years and forgot what we felt like. Joe released my lips and began to kiss my jaw which then turned into my neck. Joe began to suck and kiss at my neck, making sure not to stay in one place too long and leave magenta marks. I sucked in a small breath at the feeling of his lips on my neck and leaned my head back slightly as Joe moved my hair out of his way. I repeatedly let out soft moans. I felt his teeth graze my soft skin before he got to the spot that always felt amazing. He began to suck and kiss even more, knowing this was my spot. I let out a few more soft moans, loving the feeling and not wanting him to ever stop.

"You are the most gorgeous woman in this entire universe," Joe said, taking his hips off of my neck for a second, "in any universe." His lips attached to my neck once again as butterflies fluttered their tiny wings in my stomach at Joes words of affirmation. I started to lift up my skirt for easy access while Joe leaned back slightly. Just as Joe started to unbuttoned his pants and unzip them, I heard a car pull into the driveway. "Shit." Joe and I said at the same time. "Shit." We both said again once we realized what we were about to do. Joe zipped his pants back up quickly while I situated my panties and then jumped down from the counter. We both laughed at how in sync we were and then I looked down at Joes hard-on. "Do you think you can really be in front of your family like that?" I asked Joe with a small smirk, knowing he didn't fully realize yet. He probably felt it, but didn't realize how bad it was. "What do you mean? I thought you liked this shirt." Joe said. I couldn't help but laugh at Joe and how he was so unaware of what was going on. "Do you really want your family to know what we were doing before they got here?" I asked Joe.

Joe just raised an eyebrow out of confusion and said, "how would they know?" I slapped my forehead a little bit and then said, "you have a fucking boner Joe." I started to laugh when Joes eyes got all wide and looked down to see the tent in his pants that was gradually getting bigger. "Shit." Joe said quickly and covered himself with his hands. "Go upstairs and take care of...that," I said, gesturing to the tent in his pants, "and I'll go get the door for whoever is here and tell them that you spilled something on yourself and needed to change." I said. "This is your fault." Joe said with a little laugh as he started to run up the stairs. "What? You started it" I laughed. Just as I started following Joe to the stairs that were near the door, someone knocked at the door. "If you weren't so gorgeous, I wouldn't get horny." Joe said just before he turned and started to sprint up the stairs.

I shook my head with a laugh and then walked to the door. I unlocked it and then opened it up to greet whoever was standing outside of it. My face lit up when my eyes landed on Robin and Jimmy, who of course were the first ones here, like always. "Hello my favorite daughter in law! Oh, the house looks amazing!" Robin said and pulled me into a ginormous and tight hug. "Thank you!" I said and smiled at Jimmy who was looking at the place with a big smile on his face. After I hugged Robin, I hugged Jimmy and then I invited them inside. After I invited them in, Jimmy was holding in a laugh on the side of Robin who started laughing. "What? Come in!" I said, excited that they were going to be in this house for the first time since it's been decorated since we just moved in a week ago.

"I think you got a little something on your, uh-chest." Robin said, her face slightly red from laughing. I looked down at my chest to see Joes hand print he made with the flour that I was totally oblivious to. I brushed the flour off of my shirt as fast as I could while my face flushed red out of embarrassment. I moved to the side so Robin and Jimmy could walk in and then shut the door behind them with a little sigh and said to myself, "you're an idiot." When I turned back around, I gave a quick smile to Robin and Jimmy who were still calming their laughter after what they saw. "Where's my son? Don't tell me he's playing video games." Robin said. "He's upstairs changing, he spilled something on himself." I said. "Flour?" Jimmy said with a laugh.

With a little groan and then a laugh, I walked past them and they followed me to the living room. Because I knew more people would want to see The house in its entirety, I waited to give the tour of the house until everyone showed up. When Joe came down, he greeted his parents and then one by one, more people arrived. First, it was Jamie and his wife Stella, and their son Justin, and then Dan and his wife Jenna, and their daughters Penelope and Emily, then Joe's grandparents. Once everyone was here, I gave them a tour of the house while Joe got all of the food ready and brought it to the dining room table. Through most of the tour, there were ooh's and awe's, especially in the game and bar area downstairs and the movie theatre. When we were done with the tour, we made our way to the living room where we talked for a little bit and then we finally decided it was time for dinner.

We all sat down and started eating right away, all of us starving because we made sure to save lots of room for food. There were conversations all around the dinner table between multiple different people, but I was currently talking with Jenna and Robin about Jenna's new therapist job that she just got. She was working for a smaller company, but after a lot of consideration, she decided to move to a bigger company. "I was just unhappy at my old job and this new one offers a lot more than the other place...and the money isn't bad either." Jenna said with a little smirk and head tilt at the end. "Girl go get that bag. Plus, life's too short to be miserable in any aspect of it." I said with a little shrug, justifying her decision. "Amen to that." Robin said and pretended to cheers her wine and then took a hearty sip.

As the dinner went on, I noticed that Joe started clenching his jaw next to me, obviously agitated by something. I was initially worried that his hand was bothering him, but realized that for a lot of the dinner, Jamie has been constantly talking about Joe's injury. He wants to know more about it like where he's getting the surgery, if he knew he was done for the season when he felt it pop, how much it hurt, among other things. Also for a lot of the dinner, Joe's been trying to change the subject by giving short responses and then talking about something else, but it always came back to Jamie asking about the injury or football in general. "How is rehab going to work this time? You going to the same place in Cali like you did with your knee or staying here?" Jamie asked Joe. From the end of the table closest to me where Robin was, and the other end where Jimmy was, I could tell they knew Joe was agitated, but it seemed like Jamie couldn't tell.

The last thing I wanted was for Joe to blow up or say something that would make Jamie mad. Then that would lead to Jamie getting upset, and then the whole night would be either ruined or just awkward. "Yeah, I don't know. Still trying to figure that all out." Joe said, his voice sounding upset and annoyed. When Joe said this, he reached up and started rubbing the back of his neck, clenching and unclenching his jaw some more. Glancing down, I reached for his hand in his lap and then gave it a small squeeze when I got it in my hand. Joe glanced at me with a small and thankful smile before looking straight ahead so he could take another bite of his food. "Did you know right away how bad it was?" Jamie asked him from across the table. Instead of answering his question this time, Joe adverted his attention to his dad and asked him something that I couldn't quite make out.

Since Joe got away from the football talk, I turned my attention back over to Robin, Jenna, and Stella since we were all talking about the house. "Hey mommy?" Emily asked who was sitting next to Jenna. "Yes sweetheart?" She asked and tucked a piece of hair behind Emily's ear. "Can I have more stuffing?" She asked. "Of course you can." Jenna said and scooped some more stuffing on her plate. I smiled down at Emily who shoved a ton of stuffing into her mouth while looking at me. "How do you think the Bengals are going to do without you?" Jamie asked. Whipping my head over towards Jamie, I was about to say something but Joe smashed his left hand on the table, making everyone jump a little bit, shocked at his reaction. From the hard contact, all of the glasses on the table shook like crazy; I even grabbed onto mine just incase it decided to tip over.

"Can we talk about something other than football for one god damn second?" Joe raised his voice. We all looked at Joe as he stood up from the table abruptly and then stormed out of the dining room and towards the living room. I watched Joe walk away before he left my sight. The only thing I heard other than our forks dropping on our plates was the sliding back door open and then close with a lot of force. With a little sigh, I turned my attention back towards the table where everyone was trying to act like nothing happened and continue thanksgiving dinner. From everything that was going on, I felt tears prick my eyes. Trying to keep myself from crying, I lifted my hand up and put it under my nose, trying anything to calm myself down. Robin, seeing that I was a little emotional, reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a little squeeze. Looking over at her, she gave me a reassuring smile.

"Geez, what did I do? I didn't think I said anything bad." Jamie said while he wiped his mouth off. From across from him, his grandparents and wife were about to say something to Jamie, obviously angry with him, but I intervened. "This is his second season ending injury in 4 years, he is frustrated right now, and talking about football doesn't help. The only reason he told me that he still wanted to have this dinner was because he thought it would be a good way to forget about his injury, but instead, that's all you're talking about. Put yourself in his shoes and cut him some fucking slack, Jamie." I said. I dropped Robins hand that was holding mine and left the table, storming off just like Joe did. "What the hell are you thinking, Jamie?" I heard Jimmy ask Jamie. "Please wait." Robin called after me as I walked out of the dining room.

After I walked out of the dining room, I headed towards the back door so I could go to Joe and see if he was okay. As soon as I looked outside, I saw Joe sitting down on the couch which was surrounded by the other patio furniture we needed to prepare for winter. Joe was staring straight ahead. Looking at his expression, I could tell he was upset but trying to hide it. Ever since his injury, he’s been closed off, which is typical for him during an injury. We haven’t even really talked about it yet because I always let him come to me instead of me pushing him to talk to me about it. As soon as I slid the door open a little bit, Joe immediately looked up to see who was walking outside. When he saw that it was me, he gave me a small smile and scooted over so he was on one side of the couch and then patted the side next to him, wanting me to sit next to him. "Why didn't you stay and eat? You didn't have to come out here." Joe said.

I walked over to him and then sat down right next to him. Once I did, Joe put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. "Yes I did, plus, I kind of went off on your brother, so it would've been awkward if I stayed." We both laughed for a few seconds before I rested my head on Joes shoulder. There was a moment of silence before I spoke up, "are you okay?" I asked Joe. There was a definite sigh from above me as I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes, but we both kept our arms around one another. I could tell that he was carrying a lot of stress and anxiety. He was tensed up and doing his best to hold back, but I knew if I put a little bit of pressure, the flood gates would open up, and that’s what he needed right now. He needed to talk about it.

"Are you okay?" I repeated as a tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek only to get caught by my hand that quickly wiped it away. As I looked into Joes eyes, I noticed that he was trying his best not to cry, but I knew he wanted to. I knew he wanted to open up and talk about his pent up emotions but was struggling to. "I'll be fine. After my surgery I'll get back at it, just like with my knee." Joe said, but his bottom lip started to quiver slightly. His voice was shaky, his eyes were glistening with tears, and his breathing was heavy and uneven. He was trying so hard to hold back. "Joey, tell me how you really feel, it's okay." I said and ran my fingers through his hair slightly.

With a gentle shake of his head, Joe bit his bottom lip to hide the small quiver and said, "I can't feel sorry for myself, and I don't want you to feel sorry for me either." I brought my hands up and cupped the sides of his cheeks, making him look over at me. “Opening up and showing a little bit of emotion doesn’t mean you have to feel sorry for yourself. This is a big deal, Joe, and holding back your emotions is only going to make it worse. You have to let it out before you can move on." I said. Joe took a deep breath and sealed his eyes shut. His shoulders dropped low and he eventually let a few tears slip from his eyes which rolled down his rosy cheeks. Joe let out a shaky breath and bit the inside of his cheek. “I just came back from an injury...I just started to feel 100% again and was ready to prove that to everyone," Joe started to say, "Now I'm out for the season, and it feels terrible. I feel like I was just down on the field after fucking up my knee and missing the rest of the season, now I have to miss the rest of this season." Joe said.

"I get it, Joey." I said, encouraging him to keep going. "This past offseason and training camp I was supposed to be healthy, but I hurt my calf. So, I hoped that this next offseason and training camp I would be 100% healthy, but once again, I won't be. I will have to go back to rehab for yet again another injury...but this time I don't even know if I'll get 100% of my strength and grip back." Joe said, more tears escaping his eyes as he poured out all of his emotion that he had, until there was nothing left. Joe said everything that he was keeping bottled up inside of him. After staring at the ground for a few seconds, he finally looked up and into my eyes. We held eye contact for a few seconds. We both didn't move, we just looked at each other while we both cried and took deep breaths. "It's going to be okay." I said.

"How do you know?" Joe asked me. With a deep breath, I said what I truly felt. I let my heart instead of my head do the talking. "You are Joseph Lee Burrow. You came back from your hand surgery and being the backup to the backup. You came came back from your sprained knee. You came back for the first game of the season after appendix surgery just a few months prior and made it to the AFC championship. You played with a messed up calf and still managed to pull out some wins. You tore your ACL, MCL, and PCL your first ever year in the NFL, worked your ass off every single day to get better and made it to the Super Bowl. The fucking Super Bowl, Joe. You are incredible and there is nothing you can't do, I believe that and everyone else does too. You should to. No one is expecting you to be 100% right now, so you can sulk for a little bit, because this sucks. I know it does. I know how hard it is to be in this spot again after everything you've conquered. I also know that when you're done sulking, you're going to grind and work hard every single day until this is a thing of the past." I told him.

"You are so strong Joseph Lee Burrow, physically and mentally. I know you will work hard and never give up on rehab, no matter how hard it is for you. It's hard? Suck it up. You’re strong enough to do this. And I'll be here every step of the way just like always. All you have to do is believe in yourself." I said. "I just keep worrying and thinking that-" Joe started to say but I cut him off. I placed my forehead on his and said, "Just Stop thinking, Joe. Don't think, Just Do.” I started to stroke Joes cheek as he processed everything I said, and then he said, "You said that to me about colleges on our first date and when I was on the fence about LSU and when I hurt my knee and then after the Super Bowl." Joe smiled slightly. "Exactly, now look where you are. What's another setback?" I asked him. Joe took a deep breath and nodded a little bit while maintaining eye contact with me. "Alright." Joe said.

[yamameta-inc]

it is horrific what we’re allowing to happen to children right now. if covid causes cognitive dysfunction and decline in adult brains, what impact will it have on small brains that are still developing? many children who are too young to even be vaccinated are catching covid, as well as a whole host of other opportunistic infections. children can get, are getting, long covid. children aren’t sick often because it’s “normal” or “good” for them—they’re sick often because they’re more vulnerable than adults.

children have no choice but to be sent to schools where they get sick again and again. they don’t have the ability to distance themselves from their parents and establish boundaries, they’re entirely reliant on their carers. if their parents do not believe in covid prevention, they have no means to protect themselves. they don’t have the ability to consent to what is happening to their health.

schools are not just allowing children who are sick to attend class anyway, they’re borderline mandating it. schools as an institution care more about meaningless attendance records than about students’ wellbeing. the classroom is an environment where all factors incentivize students coming to school sick.

there are horrific accounts from parents about kids being sick 24/7, never having energy, struggling with schoolwork. there are horrific accounts from teachers about their young students being different these days, unable to handle the usual schoolwork, showing signs of that classic covid “brainfog.” i’ve seen evidence of schools making their tests and criteria much easier in order to maintain an acceptable pass rate instead of addressing the actual core problem in the slightest.

i often think about a comment i read once about how someone knew it was fucked when no change happened after sandy hook, when the US decided and enshrined the fact that children were acceptable sacrifices. this is how it feels. this isn’t just about the US though. children are getting reinfected with covid again and again worldwide. this is about the entire next generation.

they didn’t choose any of this. they have no power to stop this whatsoever. none of us consented to this, obviously, but children most of all. most of them don’t even have any idea what’s happening to them, and won’t for years.

there needs to be a push for schools to adopt better covid prevention measures, like better ventilation and air filtration. but even more crucial, and much more difficult, is to do away with the ideology at the core of how schools are designed. just like how workers deserve sick leave, children need to be able to stay home when sick. no jumping through hoops for a doctor’s note to be accepted, no strict time limit. schools obviously know that 1 student staying home sick is less disruptive than 20 students being sick and unable to do their schoolwork. they know the math, but they aren’t after efficiency. just like companies know that happier workers are more productive. that’s not the point. it’s more obvious than ever what is choking our societies to death on every level.

i’ve seen university unions who’ve won teachers the right to demand masking in their lessons, the right to have air filters installed in their classrooms. the same needs to happen for K12 schools, especially since young children can’t advocate for themselves. parents could theoretically wield a lot of influence as well—but let’s face it, most are uninterested in or actively hostile to the idea of better air for their children. efforts to combat this need to be organized, sustained, and coordinated.

imagine how current children will feel once they grow up and look back and realize that their health was compromised before they even learned to speak, that they were born into a sick world, that they were born to be sick, not inevitably but because people preferred things this way.

[romanticintheory]

on my knees BEGGING for more price and civilian!reader. i just read it and i can’t stop thinking about all the cute itty bitty interactions- their date, their convos, maybe him meeting her surprisingly scary dog (currently in love thinking about COD men and K9s yknow?).

Like if there’s not a single supporter for this, i’m dead in a ditch somewhere

what it's like dating john price as a civilian.

john price x gn!reader

part 1

more fluff, more domesticity, me being down bad

a/n: KSAHDASDKJ im so glad u love them as much as i do!! hope this does them justice for u <3

-

the date went really well, thankfully. he showed up at your place ready to pick you up with the bouquet of flowers he knew you deserved. call him old-fashioned, but he was adamant on making sure you didn't have to lift a finger for anything.

hell, he even asked you why you were standing out there in the cold by yourself, saying, "i could have come to your door so you didn't have to freeze all the way out here, sweetheart!"

he held out his hand for you to take as he guided you down the stairs, opened your side of the door for the car, and always walked with you on the side closest to the street.

the movie was a cute action comedy. it was even funnier with john because he'd sometimes pipe up at the action sequences talking about how unrealistic some scenes were.

when you told john that the main character's actor, a built, older-looking man, was used to be your celebrity crush in high school, he couldn't help but let a chuckle rumble in his throat and ask, "got a type then, love?"

"yeah, probably do," you admitted shamelessly.

the dinner was just as nice as the movie: he took you out to a nice restaurant and hung onto every word you spoke. likewise, you couldn't take your eyes off him whenever he told you stories about him and his boys.

he wouldn't tell you stories about him doing his job, mostly because he didn't want to disturb you with what he's had to do. he did, however, happily tell you stories about the ridiculous things he's seen his task force get up to.

"they sound like a handful," you said warmly, "you sure they're not your kids?"

"no, but they certainly sound like it," he leaned just a little bit closer to hear you better over the chatter of the restaurant.

"i get that. i've got a handful at home, too." you paused to take a sip of your drink. "a little puppy."

"really? what's its name?"

when he takes you back home, he wordlessly walks you back to your door.

"would you like to meet beau, john?" you ask, hand hovering over the door you unlocked.

he opens his mouth to speak but gets interrupted by the sound of scratching and a dog panting on the other side of the door.

"well, only if he's okay with meeting me."

when you open the door, john is surprised to see a full-grown rottweiler launching at him at full speed. for a second, he saw his life flashing before his eyes before he realized the wagging of beau's tail.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry!" you call out immediately, "he's usually more polite around strangers. beau- beau get down!"

john only laughs at your panic and took your dog's friendliness as a sign to pet him. "'s alright, love. i trust you enough to know you wouldn't put me in harm's way."

he takes in beau's stature. from the looks of his larger-than-average size, he might be a guard dog for you. or maybe you just wanted company and decided to hone in on his scariness and bulk by adding that spiked collar.

"so, a puppy, huh?" he points outed humorously, locking eyes with you after realizing that your canine was, in fact, fully grown.

"hey, he's still a puppy to me!" you interject, kneeling down beside john's crouched figure to also show the rottweiler some affection.

"i see," he nods thoughtfully, turning his attention back to beau. "you're just as gorgeous as your owner, huh?"

your face is on fire again. "you flatter me, john."

"how does the saying go? it's not flattery if it's true?" he stands up much to the disappointment of beau and to take a step closer to you.

"you're too kind."

"jus' trying to treat you like how you deserve."

it's like he's trying to light you aflame on purpose. your embarrassment grows so much you have to cover the smile on your face with your hand. once your face has cooled down, you take a deep breath and let your hand fall down back to your side.

"thank you for tonight," you say quietly. "i had a really good time."

"glad to hear," he replies. "'m also happy to see beau likes me, too."

"well, we both have that in common, i guess."

"oh, who's doing the flattery, now?" john says playfully, his hands on his hips as you laugh softly at him.

"still you!" you insist.

"hm. maybe next time we can figure it out, yeah?" he proposes, a hopeful glint in his eye.

"next time? you already ready for a second date, price?"

oh, he was ready for more, but he didn't think you were ready to hear that.

"unless you're not," he tells you slowly, afraid of pressuring you into saying yes already.

sensing his worry, you reassure him with, "how could i not be?"

he relaxes at your admission and leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek. "i've got your number. next week sound fine to you?"

"of course. whatever you like, soldier," you nodded, the lingering feeling of his lips on your cheek leaving a tingling sensation. if you were just a bit more confident, you would have kissed him then and there.

"i'll see you then, love."

he bends down to give beau a well-deserved goodbye pet before turning to leave, looking you in the eyes one last time before leaving for home.

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐥

↳ summary: everyone knew you loved your lazy sundays. but that didn't stop them from bothering you

↳ warnings: mentions of fights and ponyboy getting jumped. nothing serious

↳ notes: could be interpreted as platonic or romantic with whoever you like. just some silly times

↳ song: we're gonna move—elvis presley

masterlist | commissions | carrd

Sundays at the Curtis household were normally calm.

Maybe it was because that was the day before school would start up again for Ponyboy— it used to be that way for both him and Sodapop until his big brother dropped out —or maybe it was because that was the lords day; at least according to the bible. Whatever the case, you knew you could always rely on an unlocked door and comfy couch awaiting you each time you jumped the chain link fence in their front yard. Just as long as it was Sunday.

So, understandably, you were peeved when Steve Randal and Two-Bit had come bursting through the front door looking for a fight.

"Come on man!" Two-Bit, otherwise known as Keith Matthews by his mother and kid sister, but only by his mother and kid sister, was currently whining your name in a way that he would only do if he wanted something. "Those soc's deserve it for what they did to Pony yesterday!"

Warm sunlight from the clear afternoon day peaked through the window panes behind you, lighting up each and every crevice in the front room of the house. A great black and white picture show was running on the TV, the likes of which had captured your attention for most of the day as you lay on Darry Curtis' couch, only ever moving to help out with chores when asked by him or Soda.

You scowled from your spot on that same trashy floral couch as before, flipping Two-Bit off quick enough so that Darry didn't see you. Even though he was in the other room working on dishes with Soda, you knew he would be able to tell. He was magic in a way like that. Annoyingly magic.

"What's with the shake up?" Steve questioned through the cigarette in his mouth, looking down at you from his nose. "Just last week you were itching for a rumble, and now all you want to do is sit and watch TV like some bum?"

"Wrong. Now all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch cartoons like some bum." You corrected him with a bit of snark in your tone, knowing that he hated that sort of thing. You saw Two-Bit's lips quirk up in a smile from the corner of your eye, reminding you temporarily of the shared love of cartoons that the two of you held.

"It's Sunday." Soda strolled in from the other room with a damp rag in his hands, tossing it down on the couch cushions as he went to clap Steve on the back—the way he always did when he saw his best friend. "You know they like their Sundays, guys."

"Screw their Sundays." Steve scoffed without any real malice behind the action. "Dally's on his way over with Johnny right now to meet us before the fight. We just wanted to come and get you before they got here."

With a halfhearted groan you let your head hit the back of the couch. If Dallas was coming over, you knew that the gangs minds had already been made up. Dally could be awfully convincing when he wanted to get his way, and that was more often than not. Really there was no sense in arguing now, but sometimes you had less sense then you'd like to admit.

"I'll tell Darry ya'll are gonna start up a fight." You said in a last ditch effort to keep your lovely spot on the warm couch. You were just met with knowing smiles.

"Awh you know he'd let us go if we promised to not get anymore blood on his floor comin' home." Two-Bit's smile widened, and you knew that he could tell they'd worn you down. That's how it always went when they wanted to fight during an off day for you, and you should be more used to it by now.

With the beginnings of a slow chew on your bottom lip, you mulled it over. Despite what one could think about Darry, that he yelled at his brothers too much or was too hard on Pony, you knew he wouldn't hesitate to get into a fight of his own for one of his brothers, even if he had work the next day. And that was a stone cold fact.

The screen door to the Curtis home squeaked open for the second time in just a few minutes, the entrance giving way to two more figures in dark clothing and greased up hair. One was nursing a cigarette butt while the other swayed side to side in a nervous tick.

"Ready to split?" Dallas Winston let a puff of smoke escape his lips as he grinned, looking around at the small group that had gathered in the living room. Johnny Cade shuffled behind him, and despite the current situation, you made time to send a welcome wave in his direction. He nodded back with a light glint in his eyes.

"Most of us." Soda laughed at Dally's question, ratting you out with a single look in your direction.

"I swear to god man, we do this every time." Dally shook his head as if he'd been expecting this. He looked at you dead on, almost as if trying to pry an explanation out of you this time. You resisted the urge to scrunch your nose up as he did so.

"Don't worry Dal, we just got 'em on the fence." Two-Bit smiled, and you hated that he was right.

With a sigh, you dusted your lap off before getting up, ignoring the small cheer that came from Soda and Two-Bit as you did so. From behind them Johnny smiled that little smile of his.

Dally even let a small one of his own slip, and you cursed whoever decided to give him such long eyelashes. One wrong downward tilt of his head, and sometimes you felt like he could get you to do whatever he wanted if he just asked.

"I'm coming, but next Sunday if any of you so much as ask me into town, I'll start a fight of my own." You pursed your lips. Another cheer rose between the six of you, and somehow you just knew that next week the exact same thing would happen, just as it always did. Good thing it never really bothered you. Nothing these guys ever do would, even though you'd never admit it to them.

"And just to be clear I want you to know I'm only going because it was Pony that was jumped!" You raised your voice through the pre-celebration, trying to stop the smile breaking out across your face from growing any wider. "If it was any of you idiots, I'd go join the other side!"

Playful boo's broke out as Soda slung an arm around your shoulders. A hand was quick to fly up to your hair with an attempted noogie, but you shook your head wildly enough to hault it.

Leaving the security of the plush couch and the drone of the Curtis' TV, you found yourself walking down the street with Dally's cigarette between your lips, taking a puff of it before handing it back to him. As the white smoke drifted up into the blue sky above, you thought about the people around you, and smiled.

Now you just had to hope you wouldn't ruin yet another shirt with blood.

[intheholler]

what do you think of all of the people being scared of appalachia? i don't know if this is recent or not, but currently i've been seeing a ton of shit online like "never go to the appalachian mountains, it's so dangerous", and i just don't understand it. my family's lived in appalachia for forever, and none of us have experienced anything paranormal or endangering to us. you're one of my favorite blogs on here and i'd just like to hear your thoughts on it

first off, it means a lot that i'm one of your favorite blogs and im really happy i can contribute something to your experience here :') thanks so much for being here <333

but ok so.

my thoughts on it are many. it's been bothering me a long time and i've been meaning to get it off my chest. this will be long and probably ranty, so it won't hurt my feelings if anyone skims lol

lemme preface this little diatribe by saying the obvious: folklore is an integral part of any culture. the mythos of a place/people is tied directly to their histories and unique experiences and struggles and they are enriching. this is true of appalachia too.

oral folk traditions especially are incredibly historically appalachian.

i mentioned in a post i made yesterday about murder ballads, how the purpose of these was to warn kids away from doing dumb shit and getting lost in the hollers--falling down cliffs n mineshafts and shit at night. gettin got by wildlife.

it spooked us safe. they served a purpose, and once you got old enough to realize they're as real as the tooth fairy, they just become enjoyable and nostalgic. because they're you're culture.

probably every mountain kid has stories about haints n boogers that were told to them by their grandparents, and they grow up to tell them to their own kids, and so on. some of it stuck with me because i grew up with the folklore.

by that i mean, i'm a whole 31 year old woman and i still avoid looking out a dark window at night cause it gives me the shivers. i still get spooked when i hear a big cat yowling in the woods. but the difference is i know there's not really haints out there crying--it's just a product of my childhood. ghost stories are fun.

the problem comes in when someone outside the culture gets their hands on appalachian oral folk traditions. then, it becomes a familiar problem: outsiders cherry picking appalachia and harming us with the mess they make rifling through it all.

it's all about the surface level and the visuals. they all love a good aesthetic blog, run by some local from out west or some shit who's never stepped foot here.

but as soon as the spooky photo filters come off and the real life marginalized person is left standing there just out of frame, we go back to being disgusting examples of what not to be. decrepit churches n buildings are aesthetic and quirky until they stop being on a pinterest board, and then they just become damning images of an impoverished region who deserves to be laughed at.

now, not to holler 'splain you--this is more for anyone not from here who might read this: it's been a systemic issue for decades; there were literal government campaigns to demonize us to the rest of the nation so they could garner support to cut into our mountains and exploit our labor and resources.

well, they were fuckin successful, and we have been falsely made out to be this homogenous nightmare of a place--"welfare exploiting" maga country who deserves everything we get, and nothing we don't.

by going so far as to take appalachian folklore that we tell each other and picking out the "aesthetic" stuff--the haints and general paranormal--they are pruning what they like from our culture--the safe things, like ghost stories--for their own aesthetic use.

but not only that, they are using it to demonize us… yet again.

'appalachia is scary. it's full of things that will kill you. don't look out the window at night cause a booger will get you.' only they don't call them boogers cause they ain't even from here. ask them what a haint is and they'll ask if u mispelled 'haunt.'

it gets even worse when you consider that so much of it has roots in native american culture, and how that continues to be exploited and misrepresented.

i'm not even innocent of that. a while back i had to check myself because i made a comment on here about ~spooky appalachia~ ignorant to the fact that what i was commenting on was actually a deeply important cultural and spiritual element to local indigenous tribes. my comments were harmful by my failure to educate myself and know better, thereby saying things carelessly.

my point being--i'm from the area. i should have known better.

when outsiders start saying the kind of shit they say about what they think they hear in the woods without even knowing where such an idea comes from, they're disrespecting a displaced, abused and exploited people, harming real cultures just for clicks without even knowing. that's on top of the damage they're doing to greater appalachia.

it's fuckin gross.

i think my favorite one i ever seen was this middle aged white lady going through her pristine mcmansion somewhere in suburbia, pulling the million curtains and locking the million doors, going "nighttime routine in appalachia!! 🤪🤪"

i could be wrong about this particular person--i didn't check their other tiktoks because im sick of them accounts and tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt--but it immediately came off as a transplant because:

1) mcmansion, 2) i dont know nobody here that locks their shit down like that (not locking up could even be argued as a part of my local culture, a reflection of our deep sense of community and trust in our neighbors).

and then the comments was all like "i don't know how you guys live there" and it actually broke my heart and pissed me off because even if--especially if--you're one of us, why the fuck are you harming us for likes? why are you turning people against us in a brand new way?

and to the transplants that do this--why?

you're not even from here, you moved here to this place you hate and made it worse just so your front porch would have a nice view, and are now benefiting socially from perpetuating bullshit about us?

you buy up all the land, land we often had no choice but to sell in the first place to survive instead of passing it on to our families, land we originally took from the indigenous peoples your content comes from.

you overdevelop it and turn it unrecognizable to make it more like the comfortable cities you come from. you gut a mountain town of its local businesses and cultures, you price people out of their homes...

...and then once you settle in all cozy like, you go tell everyone else how scary it is? how you can't trust the hills? like it's a cool paranormal bravery badge to wear? fuck off entirely.

so idk, in short my personal thoughts are: i personally enjoy a little myth as a treat, because the folklore is a part of the gothic, a part of our culture and a part of my childhood. i don't (intentionally) wield it as a weapon or use it as a pedestal to get the weird brand of attention that people like them are after.

and those who do this can get got by them haints for all i care.

[drdemonprince]

Your post about "transitioning to escape gender but then there's more gender" has been rotating furiously in my mind since I saw it. When I first realized I was trans at age 15, I identified as agender, but I knew I wanted to go on T and get top surgery so I decided it would be simpler to tell everyone I was a trans man and that just kind of became the truth. Now 10 years later I'm sorta starting to feel like I wanna actually be agender again, but the idea of an identity shift like that at my current age is terrifying and idek who I'd tell, or how I'd do it, and I don't think I wanna stop using he/him exclusively, and I have no idea why I'm telling *you* this other than that I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about it because it feels like somehow admitting that I was wrong about the gender I fought like hell to become, even though i don't really think that's the case I think my sense of self might just be continuously evolving... but I just wanna say you talking about having a gender shift like once every several years is helping me process this rn and feel like I'm not faking anything now AND wasn't faking anything before.

Dog i am right there with you. As a kid I always thought gender was bullshit, the coercive nature of it disgusted and scared me and I rebelled against it the best that I could. I loathed being assigned to any gender category, I never identified as a "girl", but I didn't really identify with any other category either. Puberty terrified me (and of course, it does most young people, but it felt like it would only more deeply entrench the category that I was assigned to in other people's minds, it made it more difficult to escape). I had trans friends as a teen but it did not occur to me to transition because there was really no end goal that I wanted to head toward, I just knew what I wanted to avoid and not experience. I coped mostly by degendering my body with a fairly androgynous style and way of presenting myself to the word and mannerisms, but also by starving myself which was not so great, and not sustainable. I considered transness for myself, even trying on a friend's binder and presenting masculinely at certain queer events, but it seemed to me at the time like just another way in which to obsess over gender, a foolish coercive socially constructed thing that i was trying to avoid.

In my 20s, I learned more about nonbinary people and figured that explained things pretty well. I was enamored with the transition journeys of some other trans people, largely trans women more than trans masculine ones (with some trans-effeminate faggot boy exceptions), but I still didn't want to take on all the expense and uncertainty and hassle of navigating the medical system for myself. I didn't think that the pursuit of being happy merited taking on so many risks or fiddling with myself so much. I saw it as an extravagance I didn't deserve, I guess, and I also couldn't locate a target outcome that seemed desirable enough for me. I was still dealing with an eating disorder and recovering from some trauma and didn't really think about my life in the long term. I guess I still don't, haha, whoops.

Eventually I came out as nonbinary, and nobody really gave a shit. There is a lot of useless, solidarity-breaking discourse that happens online about essentially who is "more" oppressed, binary trans people or nonbinary people, and a lot of that fight amounts to the two groups shouting about the ways in which they annoy one another without there being any cogent analysis of power and where oppression comes from (let alone how much those two categories overlap).

But I will say that being a they/them was far more difficult than being a trans guy socially and institutionally, because your identity is completely illegible to every system around you. "binary" trans people struggle under this too, but i have found there are some immense benefits to having a socially and institutionally legible target gender. nobody would fucking actually they/them me. not anyone. not even other trans people and queer people. there were no public gendered spaces for me. there were no spaces for me. there was no way to move through the medical system, professional life, and other public institutions as a nonbinary person. i was still just a cis woman in everyone's eyes. including the people who claimed to support me. and it was massively frustrating.

and so i think ultimately, i took my frustrations with not being at all able to escape coerced gendering as a nonbinary person and combined that with the affinity i do feel for queer men and the general sense of misery i was still experiencing in my life and decided what the hell, i'll round myself up to being a trans guy. i upped my T dose, i dressed more masculinely, i eventually got a super masculine hair cut that really squared off my jawline and got me gendered correctly, and i started more consciously inhabiting queer men's spaces.

and it was pretty dope. for a while. i felt the rush of having gotten away with something. when people effortlessly gendered as male i felt freed at last from the pressure to be a woman. i was no longer being coerced into being something that i was not. i had escaped the enforced category so much that people couldn't even see the history of that category being pushed onto me. there was relief.

but then. as always happens. people made little comments about my handshake being too weak for a man. the hypermasc dudes at the leather bar rolled their eyes at me and all the other effeminate dudes swanning around the bar. the people who picked me up off the apps or at the sauna would always let it slip, eventually, that they had a lot of experience with trans guys, or had most recently been dating all trans guys, and it would make me feel like a stock character to them, yet another category into which all kinds of assumptions had been projected. a type not a person. a few people said my haircut made me look like i was in the military or described me as actually masculine, which was equally jarring because it was so incorrect. people tried to affirm me by saying i was such a dude, i was such a man, i was such a fag, i was such a gay bro, pawing all over me leaving the mark of all their assumptions and oversimplifications behind. i had tried to run away from gender and there i was just BASTING all the time in everybody's goddamn assumptions about gender. trans people didn't talk about it any less than cis people did, they were just as fucking confining to be around.

it honestly feels really dirty. when people try to affirm your gender constantly and can't stop talking about it, when people look past you and see only your body, your history, or the role they have typecast you in, when people use your body as an outlet for their own gender or sexuality explorations, when they keep trying to measure every single facet of existence up into being masculine or being feminine or being toppy or bottomy or any other gendered type, it's claustrophobic.

as a trans man i tried playing this whole gender game and the second i started winning i began to feel even more disgusted with myself. it wasn't a victory or an escape, it was a capitulation. exploring with my identity and presentation has brought positive things into my life and my health has gotten better as a result, and i've made wonderful friends who, like me, are disaffected by this coercive gendering system. so i don't regret any of that. but trying to make myself legible under the existing gendered system was a fool's fucking errand. i wish i hadnt done it to myself and i wish i hadnt had it pushed onto me. to be clear, it was cissexist, binarist society that forced it onto me; even when other queer people coated me in their gendered assumptions that is obviously a byproduct of societal conditioning, and it's conditioning that ive reinforced in my own behavior and outlook toward others plenty of times too. we all do it, and we are all wronged by the existing coercive gender system.

i dont even care how i fucking identify anymore and i have no intention of changing pronouns again or anything, i'm so bored of it, i just actually want off this fucking thing. im not interested in trying to make others understand what i am anymore or in who i am even being simply categorizable, i dont want to obsess anymore over how i am perceived or to attempt engineer my appearance and mannerisms to broadcast an identity to anyone. i dont even want to fuck anybody right now at all because im so sick of how much that's a gender pantomime for people. i want off this fuckin ride man im so done.

it's kind of freeing, to hit this point of complete gender apathy, and i think it is a pretty common stage of identity development for a lot of queer people who have explored multiple identities and roles over time. there is no category that i actually am, or that anyone is, there are just the frameworks that society has given us to work with to understand ourselves, and the ways in which we flatten who we are to be able to make sense of the world using those frameworks. but who i actually am is so much more contextual and mutable than all that. i am a different person in the classroom than i am on the train platform than i am in the bedroom than i am cuddling on the couch than i am when i'm working out than i am when curled up on the floor crying than i am at a big furry convention. who i am continues to change as new people come in and out of my life and age and change and my body alters and as the weather turns. who fuckin knows man it's nothing and everything. i want to let it just be

[yukisdomain]

People need to learn how to differentiate between a good character and, well, whatever the hell feels convenient for them at the time (character that is a good person, hot etc).

Yuuta Okkotsu is not a good character. When I said how I wanted him to lose someone asked what he's done to me and some other people to wish that. And the answer is nothing, that is the problem.

A character that just gets a random power up/learns about their powers and then proceeds to use them without any training, the only development they have is from awkward and confused to "badass" in span of like 3 seconds because they are angry, and then the only times they appear afterwards is to do a quick job because someone else can't, is not a well rounded and good character. So yes, Yuuta losing would actually force his character to develop in some way if he were to stay alive and have some progress in the story while his personality would gain some more substance.

Also, a good character doesn't mean a character that you like. Mahito was an excellent character. Did i like him? No. But he felt real, pushed the plot onwards and gave meaning to every scene he was in. That's why that part of the story felt so satisfying inspite of negative emotions I felt towards him from time to time.

And you know who else is a good character? Yuuji Itadori.

Not only does he have a character development unlike Yuuta, it seems to me he's already gone through one and is going through another one during the current events in the manga.

His first character development was actually a negative one. And yes, negative development is still a development.

He went from: someone/random kid sentenced to an execution > no one/cog > only one (who unsettles Sukuna and, possibly, who can kill him).

Whether you want to see it as one long development or two separate ones is up to you, but Yuuji is constantly growing. Growth doesn't only refer to that of a physical kind, but mental and emotional growth too.

But if you want to speak physical growth, okay. I'm too lazy to calculate exactly how long it has passed, but it couldn't be more than 4 (maaaybe 5) months since he learned about the world of jujutsu sorcerers and curses. Less than half a year. And yet:

-He's on a level of a grade one sorcerer. Do I need to remind you that the 2nd year students, emphasis on 2nd, meaning they had at least 1 whole year to train, aren't on his level (except Maki and Yuuta).

- He's learned reverse curse technique in a month. Geto, a fucking special grade, didn't know how to do it. And he had more time to practice too.

- took on four special grades (Hanami, Mahito, Eso, Kechizu); no he wasn't alone, but students have been killed by less

- speaking of his battle with Hanami, he learned how to do a black flash during it and seems to have some level of command over it, inspite of black flash being known as a spur of the moment thing. Were Todo willing to show him how to do a simple domain, he would have probably learned that too

I need to add this as well:

- Went through severe trauma, lost people, killed people when Sukuna took control over his nody, and still hasn't given up

- Oh, also has experienced being killed (detention centre anybody?); somehow that always flies over people's heads

Conclusion:

Yuuji is one of the best protagonists I've read about. GIVE 👏 HIM 👏 THE👏 RESPECT👏 HE👏 DESERVES

[sophiamarieispinkbunny-chan]

My Analysis and Theories about Demetrius, Melinda, Donovan and Imperial Scholars

I hope you like reading because this is going to be a long one, I'm sorry. But I'm hoping to hear your ideas about these.

The Desmonds, aside Damian, are definitely weird, but I think there’s a high chance that Demetrius, alongside Melinda, was brainwashed and their minds are manipulated.

Demetrius seems to have empty thoughts aside from his constant belief that he doesn’t understand anyone, not even his brother and his father, despite spending a lot of time with him, as Damian stated. I think these thoughts have been instilled in him through brainwashing and mind manipulation.

That's likely the reason why Donovan spent a lot of time watching Demetrius when he was a child, forcing these ideas upon him since childhood.

This is the same idea he shared with Loid when they first met, that humans will never truly be sympathetic to each other because, at the end of the day, we are strangers, even to those who are our blood and flesh.

Melinda is the same too. Based on what we’ve seen of her so far, she seems to have conflicted feelings about Damian.

However, I think she was genuinely concerned for her son, but her husband is trying to instill those dreadful ideas onto her. (It might not be Donovan who was doing the mind manipulation, but based on the stitches on his head, there’s a possibility that he had been experimented on and had gained a mind ability somehow.)

I think that’s why she’s scared of Donovan knowing that she came for Damian at that school bus incident. Donovan doesn’t want her to care for anyone, not even their own sons (These poor kids).

But I believe she truly wants to be a good mother, and she wants Damian to break the cycle going on in their family. (If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t race through Eden just to check on Damian’s safety at the bus arc.) And I think that’s the reason why she wanted Damian and Anya to be close, for Damian to have someone that would make him break out of the expectations he had set for himself and be finally free to be a child since it’s what her son deserved. (But still, this theory of mine still doesn’t make her not suspicious to me; right now, all I’m giving these newly introduced characters is the benefit of the doubt)

Why does Donovan want to instill these ideas that humans can’t truly understand each other, not even those who are family? Because that’s the reason wars happen—people not trying to understand one another. It occurs when they don’t strive to meet in the middle. Assuming he does indeed plan to wage war against Westalis, then instilling that idea would benefit him.

Of course, it’s hard to instill the same idea in every citizen in Ostania, especially when the current government is trying to establish a diplomatic relationship with Westalis. So, how could he encourage these ideas? Where are ideas usually taught? What establishment is so respected that these ideas would be very much welcomed and widely taught in a subtle manner, making individuals unaware that they are being influenced? Oh, right—educational establishments, schools, and universities. And which is the most prestigious school in Ostania that could assist in achieving this and influence the children of Ostania to acquire nationalistic ideas so that, in the future, they would carry these ideas for the sake of Ostania? Eden Academy.

This is where the hidden agenda of the Imperial Scholars, I think, plays out. Kids like Demetrius, I believe, are being brainwashed to adopt the same thoughts and ideas as Donovan. Children are the most vulnerable to manipulation, absorbing ideas like a sponge. That's my guess about what’s going on with these Imperial Scholars in Eden.

Why do you think they choose the cream of the crop among these students? The geniuses—won’t they be useful in terms of war? The other talented and athletic students could boost Ostania’s economy, and when they become famous celebrities, they could be influencers, shaping public opinion in line with the ideas they hold. The heroic and helpful ones could also be valuable in times of war, willingly risking their lives for Ostania.

When I was a Humanities student in my senior year of high school, I remembered studying a case in my country where athletes and geniuses were brainwashed by rebel groups into supporting their ideals regarding the government. In the end, these students did join those rebel groups, believing they were doing the right thing. They left their families, not even caring about their feelings, because they firmly believed that what they were doing needed to be done. They were first introduced into these societies or clubs, usually inviting geniuses and, take note, scholars. As they associated more with these clubs or organizations, they became more and more exposed and influenced. I can’t help but think that this could also be true in Eden Academy. I think this could be confirmed or debunked once we meet more Imperial Scholars or former Imperial Scholars and have their minds read by Anya. So for now, this is purely my speculation. But I'd like to know your ideas about it.

Operation Strix, I'd say, challenges Desmond’s ideas about people not understanding one another. Remember, Twilight’s goal was not to assassinate him; it was for him to determine if Desmond was engaged in any suspicious activities that might lead to war between East and West and to prevent it from happening. I think, in a way, Operation Strix could really achieve that because at its very core, it disproves Donovan’s ideas about people. These three individuals bound by Operation Strix, who barely knew each other and hadn't even spent a year together, have a lot of secrets and differences in terms of nationality, behavior, upbringing, and ideals. Yet, they managed to live peacefully as a family. They may not understand each other completely, but that doesn’t stop them from trying.

Twilight, despite Anya being a stranger to him, strives to always humor her no matter how weird her statements are. Even though he couldn’t fully understand her, he wanted to and he always tries to, because he’s not just a spy; he’s a parent, her father. That’s what parents and families do—they always try to understand one another. This connects back to the inside cover theory I talked about before, regarding the Forger family understanding one another.

It was fascinating to see how the Desmonds and the Forgers are alike in terms of being not a normal family but very different, especially in how they treat each other. I would love it if Donovan, as a character, symbolizes the idea of war, while Twilight and the family he built for his mission are a symbol of peace, proving it to be possible despite all differences.

What do you think about this?

[aingeal98]

I think there's a misconception among some fans who mostly get their characterisation from ao3, that the reason Cass and Jason wouldn't get along is that Jason kills people and Cass hates murderers. And like. You're 50% right but the key context being ignored is that Cass would literally fight to defend the right of a serial killer to live and change like she believes desperately in second chances no matter how far gone the killer is. She'll knock a man out and break his hand so that he can never shoot and kill someone again but if she sees someone feel bad about their kill or even like. Hesitate to hurt a child. She is all over that like she will fight the world just to save this one kind of shitty assassin and give them a second chance at life where they can do better.

Whereas Jason believes that sometimes there are bad people that are simply too far gone, too much of a force of evil hurting and draining actual innocents. And the best way to deal with scumbags like that is a bullet. He feels that some people don't deserve to live, and he's comfortable ending their lives. Judge, jury and executioner. Because no one else is going to kill these people and they deserve to die so that they can never hurt any victims again.

Of course all of this is kind of irrelevant in current canon since dc basically skipped over the reconciliation and development and went yeah Jason is a batfam member and he doesn't kill anymore. So currently in canon none of this conflict of ideals is likely to be addressed. But a lot of people are interested in writing fics that actually detail the steps of reconciliation which is great and I love those fics. I've just also noticed a trend of fumbling a little when it comes to Cass.

Because the root cause as to why they wouldn't get along is not just because Jason kills people. If Jason was a random crime lord Cass would probably try to help him get free of Gotham and start over somewhere else. Killing people and having conflicting emotions about it is the easiest way to get Cass willing to be your number one sponsor at murderer rehabilitation anonymous. It's Jason being someone personal to the family, and someone who believes that some deaths need to happen, as long as the person is sufficiently repulsive enough to Jason. Or even just as a means to an end to prove a larger point, if they're pathetic and evil enough. That's what would make Cass see red, because she projects herself on every single killer and Jason dismissing the possibility of redemption for them, writing them off as deserving of death, clashes fundamentally with not just everything Cass believes in, but also her whole sense of self. Of course it's not that deep for Jason like he's not going to believe Cass should die because she killed someone as a child. But for Cass is simply IS that deep and you throw in the fact that they're both Bruce's kids and yeah. They can maybe be civil in a room together with the family right up until one of them actually talks. Because like 99% of what they could say is guaranteed to touch a nerve for the other.

It's like: Damian says something hilarious and rude towards Jason and Jason jokes about that time he shot him and Cass immediately connects that with him not feeling bad about shooting Damian and starts grilling him as to why. Because Damian's Bruce's son? Or because he's a killer? Or just to get to the rest of the family? And Dick, Duke and Tim are so tired like Alfred cooked a nice meal can we all just eat pie for one night without having to listen to you two go at it.

Tim: I've literally shot you before do you think maybe we can cool it on fighting about Jason's personal ethics tonight. Because generally that ends with me in pain even if I do nothing but sit here.

Cass: You shot me with consent. Different.

Jason: How are you even more obnoxious than Bruce? Do you ever get tired of being so exhausting to be around with your bullshit righteousness?

Cass: If you're tired I can knock you out. Nice nap for you and fun for me.

Dick: And that's ten minutes in a room together before any threats of physical harm start flying around! Great job you two, a new personal record.

[damiansgoodgirll]

kylian mbappè x reader

tw: angst, a little bit of postpartum depression

5 years (part two)

giving birth to your baby without having kylian in the room with you was the hardest part. you always imagined having the love of your life by your side, comforting you and encouraging you. the person that was supposed to be your everything.

you knew that after all he was the father of your child but a little part of you knew that he didn’t deserve it. so you did without him. you had all the support you needed but not his.

and it was okay. you were still healing.

but the worst part was being a single mom. taking care of a newborn all alone and having no experience was hard, it was killing you. of course kylian saw the baby, but with football and away matches he couldn’t take care of your kid 24 hours the way you were doing.

the restless nights.

your kid crying from day to night and from night to day.

your whole body was in pain.

your feet so swollen you only wore slippers.

and your breast, it was killing you. it was always so full and swollen to the point the pain because too much and you couldn’t do nothing to prevent it.

kylian apologised so many times you’ve lost count. he prayed, no, he begged for you to take him back. and even tho you missed him, you couldn’t forgive what he did.

like - how can someone forgive cheating? you couldn’t find a straight answer to that. even if it’s been four months now, you couldn’t find the strength to forgive and forget something like that. i

while you were lost in your thoughts you heard a faint knock on the door. you knew it was him. it was kylian’s day off and of course he wanted to spend it with your baby. you came to an agreement that you would do co-parenting. your lawyer proposed it and you couldn’t say no, it was kylian’s child too after all.

you opened the door and let him. your child was currently sleeping so you didn’t want to wake them up yet and kylian noticed that too because he stopped you before you could go to their bedroom.

“one second y/n…” he said and you turned to look at him “can we - can we talk for a second?”

“is it really necessary?” you asked. it wasn’t like you were on great terms, nope. you still hated to see his face but you were doing everything in your power to give a good life to your baby, including having two parents who didn’t fight every single day. you didn’t want this toxicity in your family.

“yes please…i promise you, i’ll be quick i just - i just need to talk to you, at least for a minute, without having your lawyers or the kid crying in the background…” he said.

you nodded and let him sit on the couch while you sat on your armchair.

“are you okay?” he asked you.

“yes why?”

“y/n, please don’t lie…i know you and i know that look, you’re not okay, you’re far from okay” he said and you couldn’t believe your ears.

“what? i’m okay kylian, what is that supposed to mean?” you grew difensive.

“i’m not trying to attack you or make you angry, i just wanna know if you’re okay, i know doing this alone it’s hard and i want you to know that i’m here if you need me…you look tired, even a blind person would be able to see it…” he began to talk but you stopped him.

“i’m okay kylian, stop it…”

“but i know you’re not! i know you…i know the baby is tiring you and-…”

“yes, the baby is tiring me out like hell, okay? are you happy with this?” you whispered-screamed.

“then why don’t you let me help you? please…”

“i don’t want or need your help kylian!” you grew tired of this and couldn’t wait to have kylian out of your apartment.

“but the baby needs you and you can’t take care of them if you’re not taking care of yourself…” he said, probably rephrasing bad what he wanted to say.

“i can’t take care of my child?” you stood up “kylian, you have no fucking idea what i’ve been sacrificing these past months. my mental health is gone, i don’t know if what i’m doing is wrong or right and i’m doing this all alone! the least you do is staying with the baby a few hours a week because your too busy with football and your career so don’t you ever tell me again how parenting works okay?” you needed to let it all out and kylian was there to listen to you “i fucking hate the moments you took the baby away from me because i feel so alone but at the same time i love it because the whole house is calm and peaceful…and the house - the house is always a mess, i’m trying my best, i’m fucking trying but it’s hard…” you sobbed a little.

“let it all out…” he said wrapping his arms around you. you needed a hug so bad that for a moment you forgot that you were mad at him.

“i hate the way my body changed…i see myself in the mirror and i can’t recognise that person, it’s a whole new me and i hate her! everything hurts, my body, my breast, hell even my feet! i need to sleep more that three hours a night but i can’t…i just, i’m not okay but i’m pretending i am because someone needs to stay strong for our baby…” you said wiping your tears.

kylian gave you a sad smile. he wanted to keep holding you but you immediately moved away. he wanted to be the one who wiped your tears away but you wouldn’t let him touch you.

“listen to me y/n…you’re a great mom, you’re a beautiful person, in and out…you just need a little rest…you’re just human after all” he said and you gave a sarcastic smile “i have a four days break from practice and football, no matches , no training, no interviews, nothing at all. our baby could stay with me for these days so you could rest…you need to rest…you’ve been tiring yourself out for too much now…and you need a well deserved rest” he proposed.

at first you wanted to say no. staying away from your baby for four days? absolutely no!

but you needed it. you needed to rest, sleep for more than 3 hours.

so you ended up saying yes.

you packed all the things kylian would be needing for these days and you already knew it was going downhill even before starting. but you prayed that he would call his mom if he needed help and not a baby sitter. your baby didn’t need a babysitter, your baby needed to bond with his father.

so you gave him the bag, the baby in his stroller, a hand piece of paper with all the things kylian needed to know and waved them goodbye.

you’ve spent the first day in bed. literally. you ordered take out and ate in bed.

the second day you focused a little more on the house, it needed cleaning but you took things calmer. and in the afternoon you had time for yourself so you booked yourself a hair appointment and you fixed the shit you had in head.

the third day was a real blessing. in the morning you went out for groceries, in the afternoon you went out for shopping. you stopped at his cute book store near your house and once inside you accidentally bumped into someone. you apologised so many times that the man in front of you had to stop you.

you’ve began to talk, finding out you have more in common than what you expected. you felt an immediate connection with him and he felt it too.

the same night you had dinner together, it wasn’t a date, more like two people that wanted to get to know each others better.

“i liked this night…” you said when he walked you back home.

“it doesn’t have to be the last one though…” he smiled at you and for the first time in months you let out a genuine laugh.

“no it doesn’t…”

“well, goodnight madame…i really had a great time with you” he said smiling at you and gently kissing your cheek.

you texted all night and on day four you invited him over for lunch.

you really had a great time together. you thought he was going to dump you the moment you told him about you having a child and being a single mom at this young age but he stayed anyway. he listened to you. and for the first time in a very long time you felt attracted to someone who wasn’t kylian.

bonus was that he wasn’t a football fan so you wouldn’t have to worry.

you’ve spent the fourth day together, learning more about one another.

and as days, even months passed you grew more and more fond of each other to the point you started dating.

kylian hated it. he hated seeing you with another man. he hated seeing you happy with someone who wasn’t him. but he knew he lost you many months ago and he couldn’t do anything to have you back.

this was like your little and sweet revenge.

after being in pain and sad, crying almost every night you found a way out, a light, an opportunity that you had to take, and thank goodness, you did.