#because i already feel self-conscious i really really hate reading my own writing i think it's ass and theres eight billion ways it could b

[filthyjanuary]

ok gang here they are

wincest essay

spn fandom essay

[musicalmoritz]

Good Femslash Fics Already Exist

With the whole push for more femslash in fandoms, I’ve never understood the amount of hate I see femslash “fans” direct towards existing creations. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more variety, I do too, but every time someone brings up the fact that femslash fan fictions are already being written someone opens their mouth to say “yeah but those suck.” And then they proceed to read 300+ atrociously mischaracterized mlm fics. They complain abt plotless fluff and then read the exact same pwp scenarios over and over again

And hey, if you don’t want to read femslash that’s totally fine. You don’t have to pretend it interests you. I’m someone who actively looks for femslash and my only problem has been a lack of content in smaller/male-dominated fandoms, the fics themselves are cute af. Ya’ll are missing out on some real masterpieces by labeling all existing femslash fics as “boring,” some of my favorite fics ever are femslash. If an mlm ship invades the tags just filter it out, filter out every mlm pairing in the fandom if you have to. AO3 gives us that option for a reason

I’m not saying we don’t need more variety, but we’re not going to get that by shitting on writers who actively put in the work to make more femslash. When I started writing femslash consistently it was very discouraging because I’d seen soooooo many people online saying they want more femslash fics, yet nobody was reading mine. Then I looked at the stats on other femslash fics and they were the same, really great fics were barely getting any hits or kudos. It kinda sucks knowing that an mlm fic I wrote in 3 hours got more kudos than a wlw fic I spent months on (for pairings of relatively equal popularity). This seems to be the biggest roadblock for people wanting to write femslash, no one supports it. Even tho fandoms claim they would support it, they never do. It’s something I’ve learned to stop caring about but not every writer is gonna push through

This brings me back to a comment I saw about “boring, hair-braidy wlw fics.” That description really stood out to me, and to this day it makes me feel a little self-conscious about my old femslash fics that were “boring” and “hair-braidy.” But then I came across a fic for this one pairing that had actual hair-braiding. It was incredibly well-written and meaningful, exploring how both characters struggled to ask for help but they were able to recognize each other’s dilemmas and help in subtle ways. They did this, of course, by fixing each other’s hair when they both felt helpless to do anything with it. Such a simple way to express a very deep bond. This made me reassess the way people talk about femslash fics, and the way I’d been thinking of them myself. Is fluff really that much of a crime?? Do all cottagecore-type fics really have no substance?? Do femslash fics have to copy exactly what slash fics are doing, or are they allowed to have their own tropes??

My attitude towards the overload of plotless fluff wlw fics is “this is a good starting point.” We need more people writing femslash, more variety in what is written, but that doesn’t mean what we have is bad. I critique wlw fic tropes a lot but I always give the disclaimer that I actually love the fics themselves, I just want to see more of a different thing. And I comment on every femslash fic I read (every fic I read in general but especially femslash), I try to leave something thoughtful to let the writer know I appreciate the effort they put into their work. You’d be surprised how many writers said they were encouraged to update a fic or write more femslash because of a positive comment I left them. Engaging with fics will give you more of a good thing. It has so much more influence than that video you’re about to make talking about how there’s no good femslash fics. When you say things like that it actually discourages people from writing, and makes them feel bad about things they’ve already written. Support femslash writers guys, it’s sexy

[strniohoeee]

matt despises reader but after noticing that she is having a hard period between anxiety and depression he gifts her a basket full of goodies, like books (she loves to read), fluffy socks, candles and she thinks it's a joke but he ends up confessing

Fall

Pairing:Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt is blind to the readers true feelings as he’s so focused on his own. It takes some separation and an Instagram post for him to realize he messed up🎈

Warnings⚠️: None, hope you enjoy though because I’m hating my writing as of lately 🥹❤️

Song for the imagine: I Wonder- The Willowz

I’m laughing, but you’re laughing at me

And I think “oh how could this be?”

And I wonder if it could be the same

He kept looking at me the whole night, and it was starting to annoy me. His face made my blood boil. Like what do you want? It was like he was grilling me

Matt hated me, and to be honest I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t even care really, but he made hanging out with Chris and Nick boring. He was such a Debby downer, and he ruined my already shitty mood constantly.

Nick always told me to ignore him which I did for the most part, but honestly his weird attitude has been making my anxiety worse.

“What do you want?” He asked him finally getting fed up

“Nothing” he said getting defensive

“Well then quit staring” I said rolling my eyes

“You wish” he said scoffing

I started to hangout with them more because my at home life had become difficult. I was slipping into a depression I’ve never been through before. With that came my anxiety, and I just wanted to be away from my room

Of course Nick and Chris didn’t mind it. I was actually shocked Matt found it to be annoying since he struggles with anxiety, but I ignored it.

I often sat with them reading. I didn't mind that they didn’t have plans. I just wanted to be in their presence. It made me feel better.

“You come here almost everyday, and then you just sit around reading” Matt says laughing

“I like to read” I said flipping the page

“Yeah I know” he said shaking his head

“What’s it to you anyways? Not like I’m bothering you” I said laughing at him

“It’s just why not stay home if all you’re doing is reading” he said

“Well Matthew maybe it’s because some people have a difficult time at home, and want to get away from it” I said looking up at him

“Doesn’t mean you have to come here” he said rolling his eyes

“You’re such a dick all the time” I said to him

“The doors right there” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I responded slamming my book shut and scooting away from the table harshly

“Oh come on” he said rolling his eyes

I ignored him and grabbed my stuff, and decided to head home. Matt was such a fucking dick, and I was so over his prissy attitude.

He made me feel like shit, and it was getting harder to be myself and try and have fun. I never wanted to see him again.

I really tried to ignore him, but I really couldn’t. His over analyzing me made me super self conscious, and I was beginning to hate myself.

After that day I had decided to stay home and not really bother them. I truly didn’t want them to think I just used them or anything. Slowly this made me slip into a depression.

Chris and Nick had been texting me daily, but I would rarely ever answer them. Too embarrassed to tell them that Matt had made me hate going to their house. I knew this would make them upset with their brother

I had been sitting in my living room reading Where The Wind Blows when suddenly I heard a loud knock at my front door.

I was a bit concerned as to who would be knocking at my door at 9PM on a Thursday night. However I shut my book and decided to answer the door.

Shock plastered on my face at who was standing in front of me.

“Matt?” I questioned raising my eyebrow

“Uhh can we speak?” He said holding something behind his back awkwardly

“I guess” I said moving out the way to let him in

He walked in, and I shut the door really confused as to why he was here.

“I’m sorry, can I help you with something?” I said shaking my head

“I got you this” he blurts out and turned around to hand me a gift basket

There were flowers, candles, candies, and books. I grabbed it and looked at him still confused

“Matt what is this?” I said blinking at him

“Well I got you roses because they’re your favorite, and then I got you candles and here’s the thing I couldn’t pick just one because I know you love the vanilla candle, but you also love Mahogany Teakwood, but then you also love the peppermint one; so I got you all of them. And then I know you said you loved Twilight but never read the books. So I went to get you the first one, but then I realized you’d have to read all of them, so I got the complete series. And when I was buying candy I remembered all the candies you listed to me like a year ago that you liked, so I had to get them all and-“ he was rambling until I cut him off

“No Matt I mean why are you giving me this?” I said placing the basket down on the table next to us

“Oh….I wanted to say I’m sorry” he said looking down

“Sorry?” I said cocking my head to the side

“I’ve been such an asshole to you lately, and it was wrong. Most of the time I’m joking, but I realized you’re sensitive, WAIT NO not like that I just mean I joke the wrong way with you. And that’s my fault, so I’m sorry. But also I’m a really dry person and I like to people watch. And I also realized that that comes off mean and weird. It’s not what I meant” he said talking fastly

“Matt, calm down. It’s okay” I said getting flustered

“And I should’ve realized what you were going through sooner. I hadn’t realized how bad you had gotten” he said shaking his head

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” he stated

“I’m sorry?” I said furrowing my eyebrows

“Well you see I remember you told me you only watch that movie when you’re super depressed, and you posted it on your story a few days ago. It made me open my eyes” he stated

“Matt how do you remember all this” I said letting out a nervous giggle

“Can’t you see? I’m madly in love with you” he said blinking

“You’re what?” I said my jaw dropping and heat rising to my cheeks

“I just wasn’t sure how to go about it because I don’t know how to open up about my feelings and I realize I was actually pushing you further away from me because I just don’t know how to act around you and once again I’m sorry” he said stepping a bit closer

“Matt, it's okay. You were an asshole to me, but I also wasn’t the nicest in trying to understand you” I said

“I mean no it’s not okay. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just open up to you and tell you how I really feel without completely destroying it.” He replied

“I’m just shocked you remembered so much about me” I said looking over at the gift basket

“How could I not? You’re the most interesting person in my life” he replied blinking softly at me

“You’re really throwing me for a loop here” I said laughing

“I know, and it’s because I’m an idiot who can’t get my shit together” he said signing

“It’s okay Matt. I appreciate all of this. I’m truly grateful” I said pulling him in for a hug

“I just really like you and I’m sorry that I just couldn’t figure out how to reciprocate that properly” he said letting go of me

“ I mean yes you did go about it horribly but I’m glad you let me know I mean hey it’s better late than never” I said offering him a smile

“Do you….do you like me too?” He asked

“You could say something like that” I said blushing and looking down

Matt gave me a smile and pulled me in. Our lips crashing together in a sweet yet passionate kiss. My heart flutters at the action.

That night Matt and I bonded over everything you could think of. Laying in his arms as we laughed about anything and everything.

It’s so weird what communication can do. It can really make or break you.

And it made us.

The End

Yalllll I’m hating everything I write. I tried to make this one decent. I'm sorry yall LMAOAOA. But anyways I hope you enjoyed it and I love yall dearly🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[quibbs126]

could you do a blackberry x adventurer fankid if you havent already pretty please :3

I can’t really say that I made this because of the aforementioned “I haven’t drawn anything in a while” post, it’s just because I was scrolling through my requests and remembered that I was in the middle of drawing her before and thought “might as well finish”

Anyways sorry, this is Blackberry Scone Cookie

So if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t entirely know what her deal is. I know that, unlike her father, she is very willing to acknowledge that she’s rich and uphold that side of her family. She’s also at least outwardly, very similar to her mother in being generally reserved in her emotions. I think one idea I had for her is that she does cool things, she just does with a disinterested face, which kind of just heightens the coolness

Okay so I’m gonna be completely honest, I am now going to just make something up as I write. That top part was in part for me to figure something out

Outwardly, she seems disinterested, but she has plenty of emotions, you just either need to pay attention to her actual words instead of tone, or you just need to get close enough to her for the mask to fall. She also has quite an interest in stories of magic and in mystical artifacts, though she prefers simply reading about them over going out to find them. Also, despite her interest in the subject, she just doesn’t have that much of an ability for magic/the occult, and has difficulty seeing ghosts (best she has is that she can sometimes see Onion), which is one of the reasons she sticks to simply reading about them rather than going out herself

While she has respect for her father in how he goes out on his own to seek out treasure and artifacts, she just doesn’t understand why he hates his rich life. Her only real guess is that he sees it as clashing with his adventurer persona, which she thinks is kind of stupid. She’s also pretty much the one running the estate while he’s gone (she’s an adult by this point) and being the one to actually deal with things such as house guests. Not to say Adventurer was an absent parent, and he’d actually take her along when she was younger on some of his expeditions, but he can disappear sometimes now

She doesn’t hate her parents, and it’s not like they were horrible parents to her, but she feels distant from her mother due to her lack of ghost abilities, and some amount of resentment for her father for being so attached to this persona of his and his disdain for his actual heritage, especially since she’s fully accepting of it and it unintentionally makes her self conscious about it

She’s not super sure of her place in the world, but for now she’s just trying to do her job as a member of a rich family

Hm, so I ended up writing more on her than I thought I would. Ah well, not a bad thing. Well, design time

So her name’s Blackberry Scone due to me headcanoning Adventurer to be some sort of shortbread or biscuit (I know they’re the same thing in other countries, but I’m unsure as to what kind of biscuit he is now). Scones are kind of like biscuits, add some blackberry and there you go, blackberry scones

A potential name was Blackberry Cobbler, but I think I prefer scone, especially since I made her more rich-seeming

Blackberry scone:

So almost everything I made of her, outside of the small sketches and some of the colors, I made a couple weeks ago while waiting at the dentist’s office, and I mostly blocked her out of my mind after that as a result. So I don’t really remember a lot of the design process

I feel like I gave her that hairstyle to make her look “cool”, but then I kind of threw that aspect of her character away. But I still like it, so she keeps it

Also, her suit was originally a bit more reddish, but I changed it today to make it more purple so it’d fit with the color of the scones. They don’t really look that red, so I changed it. But I think now the colors may not all look the best together

I feel like I may have made her colors all a bit too similar to each other, and/or not given her enough, but I don’t really know what else to change

Also when I came back today, the thickness of the lines was bothering me. Maybe it’s because I’ve been dabbling with the Syrup brush now, but I think I need to play with line width more now, since some of the smaller things like the brooch feel like they have too thick of lines

I don’t think her design is necessarily bad though, it’s mostly color wise I have issues with

And yeah, that’s Blackberry Scone, I hope you enjoy her

[kindlingkeen]

Hi Keen. Lemme pick your brain a little bit, if you dont mind. Do you think Jason can ever be happy and at peace away from/without ever reconciling with Bruce? Or is Bruce necessary for Jason (or at least the Jason in your mind) to be truly happy (ala Choices)? ((Thanks, I love you and your writing!))

Hi anon, thanks for the lovely ask. I have many, many thoughts on this issue (shocker, I know). I thought about this extensively when I was writing the first two parts of Choices and I could happily chatter about it all day. Some general thoughts first, and then I’ll end with some specific thoughts for the Choices verse below a spoiler bar.

The simple answer is, yes. But I do think it gets exponentially harder after the whole batarang to the neck incident. I think there are three necessary components for Jason to really move on from Bruce and the Bats: closure, support, and purpose.

Closure, with respect to the whole Bruce / Joker business. This doesn’t mean he has to reconcile with Bruce. But there has to be some kind of conscious closure that isn’t just stewing in ‘I hate him and I going to pretend he doesn’t exist’ vibes. And given the emotional cluster of Bruce & Jason’s relationship, I think that would take a lot of support (see next point) and probably a fuck ton of therapy. Or some other kind of divine/magical/Dickinsonian intervention or some such nonsense. Otherwise, he’s just going to keep drifting back. Coming to terms with your father not avenging you the way you wanted and moving on from your death without making meaningful changes? That’s already hard. Finding closure from your Dad cutting your throat to save your murderer? Yikes. And, really, true closure would require Bruce to meet Jason at least part way, which at least in canon, ain’t never gonna happen.

Support as in the ride-or-die-I-will-burn-the-world-down-for-you kind of support mixed with the I-will-hold-you-accountable-for-all-your-shit-and-push-you-to-grow-as-a-person type of support. The kind of support he’ll probably never find with the Bats given all their baggage. It feels like this was what dc was aiming for with the Outlaws, but then kept deciding, ‘nope, we don’t actually want Jay to have nice things.’

And purpose, because Jason’s need to protect others is bone deep and he spirals without a deep commitment to that kind of outlet.

So, about Choices … I’m putting these thoughts below a spoiler bar for anyone who hasn’t read The People We Choose and Responsibility.

I don’t think Bruce actually is/was necessary for Jason to be truly happy in the Choices verse. With Talia, Jason found support and purpose. He didn’t have closure, but I think with time and distance, he probably would have gotten there on this own. If Talia hadn’t meddled, he would have stayed with her and the League long term and continued to grow and develop in a different direction.

Talia looked at the situation and, consciously or unconsciously (her mind is a twisty, twisty place), decided Jason’s lack of closure had too high of a risk of eventually pushing Jason back to Bruce and away from her. So she decided to meddle in a way where she could control the circumstances. Talia faces her problems head on and tries to force the outcome in her favor. Part of her honestly thought she was doing what was best for Jason (or at least convinced herself she was) but it was also manipulative and self-serving.

Those are just my opinions, though. Lots of different takes out there on this issue. :) Thanks for the ask, anon! I’m glad you’re enjoying my writing! 💙

[landslided]

sorry same anon again just returning to briefly add that i think season 1 of cobra kai made me so insane and now i'm trapped in this loop because i see that i could be so good like it could be SO good and then i think okay well there's always samtory future cobrakai arc where sam has dropped out of college and worked dead ends jobs for years and has largely pushed her parents away out of self loathing and like tory meanwhile has found like incredible success and similarly in a situation where tory has to help sam but it compels me SO much in how it would be different than daniel and johnny where tory WOULD be SINCERE in trying to make amends etc and sam would be the more instigator/"daniel" role despite occupying the "johnny" position if that makes sense. anyway that is to say i think top two characters who narratively should have sex that aren't daniel and johnny in my opinion. also that the second most INSANE making thing the show has done that was SO good was tory winning because silver paid off the refs INSANE COMPELLING DEFINING moment of all time for samtory season 5 really dropped the ball on the execution of but INSANE set up INSANE choice for their dynamic SO rich. anyway. sorry my only friend i've managed to get into cobra kai is too busy writing deranged piano teacher aus to/with me so i have no outlet for samtory future cobra kai gay sex moment. hey does anyone else think women should be divorced bums in their forties who fuck raw. anyone else. anyo --

(hope it's okay i replied to your anon like this, i wanted to put all your thoughts on the same ask because i know tumblr just hates us and doesn't let us talk the way we want to in asks)

okay wait okay there is SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE just so much and i feel like it's christmas already

first thing first don't ever feel the need to apologize for sending me anons like this quite literally the best thing i've ever received in many years of being on this hellsite i feel a little bit like chewing glass with how excited i am.

i totally get what you mean about season 1 because it truly feels like they trap you inside this complicated story of violence, vengeance and expectations and then they just never truly pick it up again and you are left with the bits and pieces of this show that not only has so much wasted potential but that has now infected you and you get visions like the fucking youtube red premium cursed cassandra of what it could have been if they'd just committed to what they were selling.

but the. yes. yes, we could have future samtory, it's the thing holding our heads above the water because GOD anon, i feel like you've managed to read my unfinished stories and my drafts on here because i wrote at least ten posts about how i think sam has the same journey as johnny (rich kid who ruins herself through self-hatred and repression and just this insatiable need of not being her father, of not being larusso 2.0 even though she is very much daniel to the shape of her smile and the marrow of her bones), sam who runs away, sam who has to do so to try and find herself except she can't because she has gotten absolutely no tools to do so, she's shaped herself into this perfect glass ornament for her father to put on display because she LOVES him and he loves her too but nothing she has is her own and she cannot find a single thing in herself that doesn't feel like a lie or a performance once again.

and tory is not like this. tory is very much whole and unwaveringly herself even when it gets her in trouble. tory doesn't have to answer for any expectations, tory just has to survive and rise to the occasion in a way sam never had to. tory has this weight on her shoulders that she cannot shake off but in many ways, through love mostly, she picked that weight up and placed it there herself even if it wasn't fair and even if she didn't have much choice, but she makes conscious decisions that pretty much always put herself at risk but she does what she feels is right and good for herself and for the people she loves in the moment, meanwhile sam is carrying around this burden that was attached to her back long before she first even opened her eyes.

there is something to say about the tragedy of daniel, absolutetly unable to have friends, unable to form meaningful relationships with people he doesn't have a past with (louie is his cousin, anoush is his employee, johnny, chozen and mike are part of his past) and when he does, it's robby he chooses because he doesn't look for an equal or a friend, he looks for a way to reproduce his relationship with mr miyagi but in the opposite because that's when he felt at his safest, that's his ONLY relationship that has brought him nothing but love and understanding and when you add all that (which, like you, i do. i do see all of the show's forgetful little things as proof of daniel's forced repression after tkk3 i literally wrote a whole section about his loneliness in one of my fics but ANYWAY) when you do add all that and translate it to sam who has no friends. it's not even that she doesn't have girl friends, she doesn't and its crazy and it says SO much about her, but she doesn't have any friends who aren't something else at first. miguel is her ex, so is robby, demetri was her sort of student for a while and then a sort of colleague to which she applies a relationship that is more reminiscent of boss/employee than actual friends and she!!! doesn't!!! have friends!!! they took away aisha but even before that sam had almost purposefully fucked up her relationship with aisha to enter a circle of popular kids who were NOT her friends and were not close to her and did not care about her. sam keeps herself locked away from a lot of her peers and that is so very clearly in my head an imitation of what her father does that it becomes unconsciously her own behavior.

and worse than all that, she's fucked up! like genuinely fucked up! she keeps ruining her relationships and she doesn't know what she wants and she is angry and scared and mean when she wants to be and yet, there is such a true real kindness to her, a goodness that comes from her very core that she cannot keep from affecting all her decisions.

sam would grow up estranged from her family, unable to express these monstrous feelings she's kept locked away for song long and she would find tory again and feel this same pull. this same moment of oh, maybe you do get me, maybe you do understand what and who i am and that is totally unbearable because being known is being in danger and i don't know myself how dare you know me more than i do. and tory would be genuine in wanting to help sam, because tory, a kid who did so much to survive and who has now found success and comfort would want to help someone she feels like she might have impacted in her life, someone who deserves the same chance she got (and maybe it's to alleviate some of her guilt too but it's still true and it's still done with this undercurrent of honesty that taints everything tory touches)

i also totally agree that making silver pay for tory's win was a wonderful plot decision that they totally fucked up later on but just, ugh the exquisite bittersweet victory, the defeat in sam's eyes because the win should have been hers, she's the best and she's played every single card in the game and tory knows this, knows that she's undeserving and she has NEVER been undeserving in her life and yet here she is, silver has made a liar out of her and has changed a fundamental part of who she is forever.

older samtory who are pathetic losers in the matters of love and keep pulling the same old tricks with each other that always ends up on the mat, licking old wounds before pouring salt directly onto them.

truly. truly ship of all time. samtory has the potential of a thousand suns.

(i ALSO am a big sam shaves her head believer god im UGH yes yes yes yes)

im sorry i ended up talking so much, but like you i feel a lot of emotions for these girls.

ALSO!!!!!!!! YOUR FRIEND'S DERANGED PIANO TEACHER AU????? I HAVE READ THIS FIC AT LEAST FIVE TIMES SINCE IT WAS POSTED LAST MONTH AND I EVEN COMMENTED ON IT THAT IT HAD MADE ME CRAZY LIKE GENUINELY BITING AT MY FINGERNAILS UNHINGED!!!!!!!!

if you ever feel comfortable being off anon, hit me up i think im in love with your brain and would love to discuss samtory with you

[celestie0]

🪷 I have been summoned. ℑ 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔠𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲.

These guys will never give up on the horny agenda will they 😭 it's been months wallahi I still remember the last time you got asks like these and like..okay I get it everyone gets horny occasionally but there's several stories that will cater to your needs of the moment. Hell just search up the tags #(insert character) smut and you'll get that shit.

I don't think the anon meant it in a pushy way but seriously on your end I can't even imagine the pressure it must put on you. Like imagine tens of people sending you stuff like this, then on top of that the cunts who send hateful, catty asks over STORIES and HEADCANONS. I'm actually so sorry dude. Forget about touching grass these people need a shot of chlorophyll injected straight to their bloodstream.

I think so much of this brain rot is because as a reader the effort isn't that significant on our end. 15-20 mins of reading and maybe a like or comment if necessary and that's all. As the writer on the other hand? So many hours spent in just coming with ideas, even more hours trying to articulate said ideas and make it coherent and fun to read, even more hours editing that stuff. Whew bitch. I remember why I gave up on my blog now 😭 but back to the point it's a major imbalance of effort and time put into the work from the parties. And after a point these people start feeling like they are owed their own specific fantasies and needs and it's just..girl I get it it's a self insert y/n fic but dj your kitty and go back to sleep instead of pestering an already tired and anxious writer.

You're god's strongest soldier Elliebear we love you. You and all the writers who put so much love and effort into your work only to get stuff like this in return.

HIIIII lilypad anon omg hope you’re doing well <33 also every time i read one of your asks i’m always reminded of how fucking funny you are 😂 the chlorophyll line sent me to the moon bahhaha. tysm for always coming to my support n rescue 🥺💕

AAA yea ikk like the fuckin kickoff smut asks too like bruh. i understand that i get new followers periodically that haven’t seen my posts addressing my issue w these types of asks, but like?? is it not also just basic decency? lol. i’ve been reading fanfics since i was like 12 y/o and i’ve never sent an author a rude asf ask or pushy comment like that…i can’t always keep giving these ppl the benefit of the doubt.

yea i mean i felt really awful when i responded to that ask about an hour after all my anger subsided lolol, because i can acknowledge that it’s not just the anger towards that particular anon, but also just a combination of all the asks i’ve gotten that just want smut. like, i’m ALREADY self conscious about writing smut, and i’m ALREADY self conscious about the lack of smut in my fics. these asks just make those feelings of anxiety increase ten-fold, and then i become too paralyzed to write anything.

yes i 100% agree w you, there’s definitely an imbalance of effort and i think the way you put it is perfect lol i could never put that thought into words the way you did haha. although it’s ultimately my decision to write and i’d never pressure ppl to interact w my work, i think because there is inherently such an imbalance of effort, some entitled readers suddenly think that they are OWED my time and OWED their hyperspecific fantasies to be included in my fics.

idk i’m like kinda getting carried away here i’m also pms’ing so bad i think that’s why this whole situation is messing me up more than usual 😂 but anywho thanks so much for supporitng me lilypad bb :(( i’m so grateful to have you as a reader. and yes! i’ve seen similar situations w my writer moots as well, so all the love extends to them too. i think writers really need to stand up for ourselves more often so these ppl fuckin learn n don’t do the same shit w other authors or in other fandoms

much love <3 ellie 🐸

[incognit0slut]

hi! i'm the anon who sent you a message asking if i could vent to you! my question is: how do you deal with your own pressure to write? for example, i have some ideas written down in a notebook but every time i go to plan them or open docs to write, i put too much pressure on myself and i end up losing the will. and that makes me sad, because i see a lot of wonderful fanfics/series and i keep thinking "when will it be my turn?". thank you so much for letting me get this off my chest with you!

warning; very long and detailed answer!

I'm gonna give you an honest answer. Most of the time, I'm not even confident with half of the things I write. There are times when I hate it. Just because I post a lot doesn't mean I'm not pressured or self-conscious, or I don't compare myself to other writers. I've been here for over a year and it's hard not to beat myself up, but the older I get, the more I realize it would only be a waste of time to doubt your ability when you already have potential.

"When will it be my turn?"

This is going to sound so cliche but comparison is really the thief of happiness. And of course, what you're feeling is 100% valid. I think we all want to be recognized for our hard work (because it takes a lot of time and energy to write). But instead of thinking of the outcome, think of the process. And your process shouldn't be pressured. You shouldn't feel forced to create art just because you seek validation, you should create art because you want to make art. And you, my friend, is capable of doing so. You writing down your ideas in your notebook is already an accomplishment.

If you feel like you're losing your will, take a break. Go out for a walk. Read a book. Watch a movie. And when you feel like you have the energy to open your doc again, start something small. If you have a lot of ideas lined up, break it into smaller details. What should the character do in this first scene? How about their surroundings? Their feelings? Even if you write one paragraph, it's still a process, one you should be proud of.

This is such a long answer, but I just want to make sure you understand how every writer has their own pace (again very cliche) but it's true! I'm used to sitting down and writing a lot these days because it's what I've been doing constantly, it feels natural to me. But to get to this point, I also struggled with myself (I still do but like I said, I try not to dwell on it much).

Also, if you feel stuck, try talking to a friend. Ask for their opinion. Now only will they give you an honest review, but they will also be your number one cheerleader. And my dm is always open if you want to seek another supporter <3

[tiptapricot]

Happy 1000 followers! That's definitely a number worth celebrating :D. Here are some asks for your Ask Game; don't worry about answering them all, these are just some questions I thought of, free free to answer whichever ones you want to. :3

What got you into writing?

Is there any books or piece of media that inspired your style of writing, or did it develop in some other way?

What character(s) do you enjoy writing the most and why?

Are there any character(s) or fandom(s) you love that you'd love to write for but never have?

Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you find leak into and/or influence your stories?

When did you embrace the ways of the apricot? (That is to say, when and why did you commit to the bit and start creating your marvellous collection of apricot icons?).

Hope you're doing well :). Enjoy your fame, my friend! 🧡🧡🧡

I will answer 🔥 ☠️ ALL OF THEM 🎸🔥 *sick riff*

What got you into writing?

I don’t really remember a specific point of Getting Into It, because (and this def plays a part) my dad is a writer! He’s written for some video games and has some short stories published, so I grew up with him reading me books and writing his own manuscripts/engaging us in that way. He never like Guided me into writing but it was always a natural presence and I was exposed to a lot of stories early on.

We did nanowrimo in elementary school, and I also made comics when I was younger that were my own narratives and things, and I did a few small stories for other classes along the way, but when I started Really doing it more intentionally was when I got into fic writing. Which… what got me into that was I think like… danganronpa self insert things? That’s my ultimate lost fic. I wrote it in the notes app in middle school and it was super long and then I hated it and deleted it all and I’m SO MAD ABOUT IT because IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY TO LOOK BACK ON NOW! It was kind of just a natural progression though I guess? When I started reading fic more and being online more and getting into more media, I wanted to create for it since I’d already been doing that sort of thing (most comics I did were inspired by superhero shows I watched or DND games I played) so I stated posting. And then I did more original stories for school and started making ocs and it just sorta settled into being part of what I do.

Is there any books or piece of media that inspired your style of writing, or did it develop in some other way?

None consciously? And I can’t really trace my style to anything in specific, but there’s def got to be some input from the books I grew up on. Stuff like series of unfortunate events, larklight, the leviathan trilogy, the keys to the kingdom series, the Roman mysteries series, the Lockwood and co series, Harry Potter to an extent, etc. all were things that I was exposed to growing up. I don’t think I’ve really picked up the quippy narration a lot of those have, but I know they shaped some ideas of description and imagery I do now, at least in inspo. But I guess on a whole it just sort of developed naturally? I really don’t have a very conscious writing process half the time 😭

What character(s) do you enjoy writing the most and why?

At the moment and also in general I like characters that have strong voices. They make the prose pop for me, make it easy to find fun descriptions and forms of speech. Bill and Ted and Steven Grant definitely come to mind immediately as like. When I get to write them stuff just goes fast because I know how they’d talk and narrate and react and it feels like something very solid to shape and work with. So accents? I guess? But on a larger sense of just characters I Like Writing… MK system are all very fun and I really enjoy getting to explore their dynamics and reactions. If I ever get my hands on Din Djarin for a fic (finally) I think I’ll have a good time with him, but idk. I think it’s very dependent on the interests I’m into at the time, as those will be the characters I’m the most excited to engage with and create for, so it varies!

Are there any character(s) or fandom(s) you love that you'd love to write for but never have?

THE ZETA PROJECTTTT!!! AND ALSO MORE OF LEGION 2006 ANDDD THE DCAU ANDDDD MORE LUKE N DIN N ORIGINAL TRILOGY CAST AND THE DAREDEVIL NETFLIX CAST AND MISS FISHERS MURDER MYSTERIES AND TIGER AND BUNNY AND— Ahem. Yes there are and they torment me every day wanting to get to create for them but having finite brain space and time space makes writing everything all the time… a bit hard. I kind of want to do a like niche interest power hour week or somth where I take fandoms I haven’t written for and make a small piece for them—WOLF 359 ALSO GOOD GOD!!!!!!!! But I don’t know when that will be.

Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you find leak into and/or influence your stories?

Not generally, but whenever I’m writing a character as having an interest in something or really liking something in depth it often has to be something I’m also into for me to be able to do research on it. This can mean I sometimes have to find middle grounds between what a character might find fascinating and what I find fascinating, so sometimes my interests are directly or indirectly in stories. Lost media I know has made it in a few times, and so has sci fi and superheroes and action figures. I don’t really have a whole ton of hobbies that are easy to slot in or draw from on a large scale otherwise, as niche toy collecting, a love for stickers and earrings and clown paraphernalia, and performing arts are only applicable under certain circumstances.

INTERESTS is a whole diff thing. My monster/inhuman character love, my love for certain genres or aesthetics, etc. influences ALLLLL of my OCs and a lot of my fics. Stuff that focuses on loving the strange, or the inanimate, or the weird crossover between the two is in a lot of my work (and will be in more haha) but definitely colors the types of stories I want to do, and the original content I end up making outside of fic.

When did you embrace the ways of the apricot? (That is to say, when and why did you commit to the bit and start creating your marvellous collection of apricot icons?).

THIS ACTUALLY HAS DOCUMENTABLE HISTORY!! Ok so.

The username Tiptapricot was what I came up with when I made my Minecraft account in elementary school. I liked apricots and peaches and plums and stuff (still do) so that was part of it, but I was also into semi-tap dancing (AKA being a young kid with some cheap tap shoes from somewhere and doing performances) so tip-tap and apricot combined and… there we were. It became my standard name on sites when I had to make accounts (bar like animal jam I think because it was maybe made earlier), since it was never taken and it was unique enough to slot in.

I guess as I was maybe making an Instagram account or going into highschool or just… for some reason, my sister @dimidarling wanted to make me a cute icon and, based off my username, drew me a little apricot with a face for one! This created what I now call… Prototip on July 14th, 2019

This icon was very cute and I loved it a lot, but it wasn’t quite the vibe I was wanting for myself, so I ended up getting a PNG of an apricot, slapping it on a blue background from looking up “light blue” on Google, and drawing a little face on it. That became the Default Base Tip as is seen in my icon most places, in December of 2019

FUN FACT you will never unsee after I say it: I think at some point I resized or re-edited the image or something, and I wanted to carry over the original face I had drawn on it, so I ended up cutting it out and pasting it over a face I didn’t like as much, and on the left side of Tip’s face (our right) u can see this tinyyy little black mark showing the edge of the main face cut out because I didn’t get it perfectly covered or aligned. I’m sorry in advance.

ANYWAY! So base Tip was made. I don’t remember the following order of events, but still being in my kpop phase in late 2019 I got Twitter briefly and made a Tiptapricot account there. And having an apricot with a face I thought: wouldn’t it be so funny if I was a gimmick account that pretended to be a real life apricot tweeting? So I did that for like a little bit. And then I went: wouldn’t it make the bit even better if this apricot was appropriately apricot aged? And long story short I changed my age to be a year old, then realized that would probably be bad legally, but when changing it back to my actual birthday, Twitter freaked out and banned me for messing around with my age and not being old enough when I made an account (even though I was at the time) so I got booted off Twitter. (And I’m glad about that can you imagine if I had settled in there instead oh lord) But the seed for apricot jokes was planted!

From there it happened somewhat naturally as a way to either make reaction images for friends online without sending my face, or to change my icon to play along with a funny joke. I made edits for friends in the DC fandom and for jokes we had running about each other going to jail or like “I’m gonna beat you up” or whatever, and joined along with a growing bit of giving me Tip related names, it became something I Did.

Now my Tip folder is 200 images strong and my mascot/sona/little guy is somth I actually care a lot about and have a lot of fondness for as a way to express goofy stuff and emotions in a way that’s simple to draw and feels rly truly me.

And there you have it :-D The Ti(nfodum)p

Ty for the questions Charlie, they were super fun to answer!!

(IDs in ALT)

1000 follower celebration

[ahunter8056]

20 Questions for fic writers

Tagged by @nights-like-this17 Thanks friend! This'll be interesting...

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

18...I should write more. Although 2 more fairly far along in the works, so...

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

436,606, wow! Honestly didn't expect it to be that high. Doesn't feel like I've really written many long fics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Written for a few. Now mainly Doctor Who (8), used to be primarily WWE (11). I have also written a Last of Us/Doctor Who crossover series, so I've also written 3 fics for TLOU. I've also written a fic for She-Ra before. Also because I'm unoriginal, got a few more fandoms on my Ao3 dashboard which were just AUs featuring WWE characters set in a different universe, including Diablo II (1), Starcraft (1), Days Gone (1)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm Here (But You Can't See Me), I Don't Belong Right Here, You Only Feel My Ghost, You Put The Devil In Me, It's Getting Harder to Stay Awake and My Strength is Fading Fast

Wow, those fic titles sound depressing put together like that, lol. All except one of them are song lyrics tbf. Also, not the fics I would have guessed to be my top 5.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES, absolutely! I feel like it's a virtual crime deserving of internet jail to not respond to comments.

I kid, but I seriously love interacting with people who took the time to not only read but comment on my writing. Honestly, it's the least I can do to thank them. And honestly, it's one of my biggest pet peeves on Ao3 when I see that an author doesn't respond to comments. Just comes across to me that they don't care, so why bother leaving a comment?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To me, "angst" and "ending" don't belong in the same sentence. I feel like all endings should be happy, to make it a satisfying conclusion. I know I've read fics before that have ended on an angsty note, and felt disappointed in that. So I could never write an angsty ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Honestly, I can't say for sure which is the happiest. I feel like the epilogue chapter I wrote for A Hero'll Save Me (Just in Time) is packed full of fluff and ends on a highly optimistic note, but I always knew I'd be making more content in that universe, so it doesn't feel like an ending to me. Other possible answers include It's Getting Harder to Stay Awake and My Strength is Fading Fast, but due to that fic's focus on depression, maybe that nullifies the ending's happy note?

So those two aside, I might have to give it to either I'm Here (But You Can't See Me) or You Only Feel my Ghost.

8. Do you get hate on any fics?

Readers are usually pretty cool, I like the whole "say something nice or don't say anything" vibe that Ao3 has. Not much, but I have had some negative comments. One which compared my "cheap" writing to a gloryhole (super weird comparison). And then I had someone leave multiple comments on a fic which were both positive and rudely critical, criticising my creative decisions in an already finished fic (while explaining where they felt I should have chosen the setting of my fic to be) and really nitpicking odd little details of little to no consequence. That one was just super weird to me, trying to dictate every little thing about my own fic, as if it belonged to them too.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, I don't think writing smut will ever be for me, I'd just feel too self-conscious about how other people would react to it. I have written some brief allusions to before/after smut, but nothing that goes into enough detail to classify as smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Oh, absolutely! When I first started writing fics, most of them were crossovers, lol. I just love putting characters in different universes. As previously mentioned, I wrote a TLOU/Doctor Who crossover series, where the Doctor arrived on a parallel universe Earth. That was fun, but also seems credible. I've also written the Four Horsewomen in the universes of Starcraft, Diablo, and Days Gone. But given I wrote them as natural denizens of those universes, didn't really seem too crazy to me. Maybe Days Gone might be the craziest though, it's been a blast writing Biker Sasha Banks killing zombies and surviving so well post-apocalypse.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not, lol. But I guess if I did find out one of my fics were stolen, I'd be simultaneously pissed, but also sorta proud that somebody felt my fic was worth being stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I've currently got A Hero'll Save Me (Just in Time) Season 2 in the works, co-writing with the brilliant @literaturelocker

But also, although it's currently on hiatus, I have been co-writing Why We Keep Going with another friend of mine (who I don't believe is on Tumblr)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, it's a toss-up between Thasmin (Thirteenth Doctor/Yaz) and Baysha (Bayley/Sasha). Bayley and Sasha are so cute together, both on-screen (I hope not for the last time!) and off-screen. And for Thirteen/Yaz, both characters are amazing and so loveable. There was so much potential never fully realised on-screen, that makes for a magnificent array of fics, both fix-its and AUs. Not to mention how close the two actors are, which always helps me get invested.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, Why We Keep Going. There's so much plot we plan to cover, and writing has unfortunately come to a complete stop for several months now, beyond my control. Maybe one day we'll be able to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Me? Strengths? LOL

All kidding aside, I find it so hard to think of anything I'd say is my strength. But for the purpose of this, I'll really try to.

I think I'd say that a strength of mine is writing for characters/canon which I'm fond of. I always strive to do them justice. A Hero'll Save Me (Just in Time) for instance, I felt worked so well because it combined two of my biggest interests (Four Horsewomen and Doctor Who), so I was really invested and passionate in making that the greatest fic I'd ever written.

And then for the second fic in my TLOU/Doctor Who series, Not Broken Beyond Repair, half of that was adapting the Jackson Dance cutscene from TLOU 2, which I can say I'm honestly still super proud of. The amount of times I watched and rewatched every single second of that cutscene to make sure I got down every single detail though...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, so many! But I'll keep this short, lol

I definitely feel like I struggle with dialogue, always too simplistic and I never know what to make the characters say other than what is needed to move the plot along. I also feel like I reuse dialogue from canon far too much, so it feels like less of a homage, and more lazy. I just can't help it.

And then action as well, I don't think I'm too good that that either. Similarly to dialogue, I think I'm quite limited in my descriptions.

I also think that as a writer, I'm not really all that creative. I feel like too many of my fics are based on a pre-established story, as opposed to being clever and creative enough to come up with something brand new.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue language in fic?

...am I stupid? I genuinely don't understand what this question means?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor Who! Years before I discovered Ao3, I wrote a one-off adventure featuring the Twelfth Doctor bumping into Amy Pond. I published on FanFiction.net and a couple of Doctor Who fanfic sites I found though googling. I've since uploaded it to Ao3.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh, easily by far A Hero'll Save Me (Just in Time). That fic will always be my baby, the one I put the most work and love into. I was really determined to make the most of that one, and I think it'll always be the fic I'm proudest of. And now, 2 sequels currently being written (and quite far along) to further expand the universe, yay!

This was fun and introspective to say the least, always find it interesting to share my thoughts with anybody who decided to follow me.

Tagging @literaturelocker

[averseunhinged]

it is the end of the summer and project: secret plan to treat my own anxiety disorder until i can find a semi-local psychiatrist who is both taking patients and not a complete wackadoo has been. you know. hits and misses.

(+) have figured out my newly diversified social media usage to some extent, i.e. where i'm comfortable posting what content

(-) really, really hate juggling bluesky, instagram, tumblr, and the artist formerly known as twitter*. it makes me feel even more scattered than i normally do.

(+) removed most of the social media apps on my phone. it feels more manageable when it's not a constant barrage of notifications. i still have tafkat and bluesky on my phone, at least for now, but the rest are strictly laptop only.

(+) wrote things, both fic and original, with the actual intent to share them

(-) still having phases of massive panic attacks while writing, because i dared contemplate potentially allowing other ppl to read it in some capacity or another

(+) not having them every single time i open up a word document, tho. sometimes it even feels as fun as when i'm handwriting in notebooks.

(+) participated in fandom stuff

(+) sort of

(+) like the bare minimum of participation

(-) and then: panic/horror/despair

(+) but i'm kind of figuring out how it all works in the year of our lord etc. and there is LESS of the aforementioned, which...jesus, i can't even begin to describe how nice it is to be able to do things i really do want to do without the meatsack totally shutting down, because it can't read the room, and thinks i'm for realsies going to die.

(-) i was for sure using the wrong strain of sativa for a while

(-) white durbin was a bad scene for me

(+) do recommend jack herer and og sour diesel for adhd, tho. they sort of streamline the braining, but don't totally jack me up.

other more personal ups and downs, too. so. progress. ish. not as much as i (unrealistically) wanted, but there was some at least? i don't have a ton of secret plan stuff going into autumn, other than REALLY do it up for the autumn/winter holidays this year, if i'm well enough, because my sister broke off a long term relationship with a guy who was not holiday fun.

more of what i've already been trying to do, i guess. if i have to. which i do. being a very high risk person during the plague times broke my brain (which was already a cesspool of medical trauma, self-conscious anxiety, the sads, and no-longer-medicated adhd), and it's deeply annoying that doing things that make me feel short-term awful makes me feel long-term better.

i'd like to keep doing wip wednesday, but multifandom. i would like to actually finish fic and post it. i would like to do exchanges. i would like to review things. i would like to participate in and contribute to fandom at least to the level i used to. which was pretty minimal in the grand scheme, but it was something.

*if we are friendly here and you would like to be friendly on other hellsites, i think i'm at a point where that's okay. dm me or whatever. i do private life stuff on tafkat (very open about my severe medical problems, so content warning) music/tv/movies/food babbling on bluesky, and mostly use ig to keep up with friends and family, but haven't posted anything myself in years. unfollow amnesty for everything always. we can still be friends, even if you don't want to know my every opinion on trap-infused pop country or whenever i end up almost dead in the hospital for the millionth time.

[aberooski]

fanfic ask: 5, 13, 21, 24! 💫

Yay! I love answering questions!! 😆

5) Do you prefer to read/write long fics or short fics?

- in terms of writing, I prefer to write long fics. I tent to lean towards doing the most approximately all of the time when I write, and it makes it very difficult for me to write short fics. And honestly I wish it didn't but long fics are the way for me baby.

- reading though, I think I tend to lean more toward short fics. If I'm just looking for something casually to get my fix, I find myself engaging with more short fics. But on the flip side, I write long fics so I love them, and if I come across one that piques my interest and really grabs me, then man I'm hooked and it will consume my life akskskk but generally speaking I find myself reading more short fics than long ones. I think because I have such a hard time writing them, I'm drawn more to shorter ones when I read. Or something like that I guess?

13) What are some of your writing/reading pet peeves?

- Y’know I haven't really thought about this all that much before. Of course the standard mixed up spellings of there/their/they're and your/you're because good lord people it's not that hard 😭

- I also fuckin hate the trope when like a character is captured and they make friends with the guard or whatever and they like turn good and shit ugh 😭 or when there's a fuckin self insert that's a bad guy but makes friends with the good guys and turns good no. No. I don't mind oc's, I've had some in fics, I mean Angel's Tears and OUAD have Fiona and her crew as minor antagonists, and OUAD and SBH have Mrs. Rhodes and Mrs. Princeton. But the thing is they're just kinda there. They don't overstep in their roles. And when I was like 12/13, I 100% wrote self inserts too because everybody does at some point in their lives and that's normal and fine, and they don't really bug me all that much. But let bad guys just be bad guys sometimes 😭 I want the actual characters to save each other and have that satisfying reunion 😭 Ireally don't know why that makes me so angry but it does aksksk

21) What are your top 3 fics you've written and why?

- oh boy this is such a loaded question akskks 😅 Now we all know I'm of the opinion that favorite and best are not inherently mutually exclusive, so this changes they way I think about it a bit.

- so in that event, I think I'd say my top 3 fics would be: Once Upon A Duelist, Sons of The Stars, and Salt In the Wound.

Honorable mention goes to Sustained by Hate (Abby's version)(from the vault)

-If I had to explain why, well I think we might have another novel of an answer on our hands but I'll try to be brief 😅

- OUAD I've said before is my favorite fic I've ever written as it stands right now, and also just so happens to be the one I feel is my best. I think it has the most solid plot I've written in a long time, even if you ignore that it's a Sleeping Beauty adaptation so the plot was already there to begin with. But only with the basic plot line, everything I did to put my own spin on it worked really well, and it's the best executionl of a romance plot I've ever done aksksk 😅 and there's just some fuckin bangers of dialog and character interactions in it that make me giggle and kick my feet in the air like a school girl and also sob my eyes out.

- Also y'know, it gets bonus points for being a Sleeping Beauty adaptation which is my favorite movie of all time, and Aurora's my favorite princess and I've been in love with Phillip for as long as I've had conscious thought and memory so having Chazz and Atticus in their roles was the best ever 😭 plus Slade and Jagger actually die which is what I want for them. Perfection.

- Still really wanna do an OUAD 2 but really gotta clear some stuff from my WIP list first 😭😭😭

- Sons of The Stars, of course my 136k GX fantasyish au I built from the ground up. I'd love to say it's my magnum opus, but it really isn't. But I love it so much, it's very important to me. Ironically it is also the only fic I've done where Chazz and Atticus have 0 interaction because they're never in the same room at the same time. And when they are, they don't interact on screen 😭 of course I wrote it before I knew I shipped them but I digress.

- There's a lot of elements from season 3 in that fic where the plot is concerned honestly, Yubel wanting to combine all 12 dimensions which would destroy everything, Axel's entire storyline is a parallel of his arc in the survival duel arc, Jaden and Jesse being not at all straight, and so on. Honestly there's probably ploy holes and stuff and some stuff that's confusing that I don't explain well or whatever, but the general plot I think is so cool and interesting 😭

- Not my best execution of a romance plot but it also was the first time I actually tried to do that at all so I give myself a little grace for that. Also I did refer to Yubel as she/her throughout the fic like they do in the dub because that's what was just how I was introduced to that character and that became default in my brain. But eventually I will get around to going back and fixing that I promise I have so many fics to write right now 😭

- But also what I love about that fic is the wardrobe I designed for it it's so good 😭 I've shared drawings of that before for anybody reading this who hasn't seen those asksks and I did that just kinda for fun since I was in high school when I started planning and writing that fic and I just kinda started drafting up wardrobes in class instead of working 😅 but after designes and redesigns and all that I fuckin love the wardrobe for this fic and it was such a fuckin awesome creative outlet that I needed.

- also some of my best chapter titles are in the fic bro, like some of them are so fuckin good 😭 Skyfall, Secrets of Ages Past, Fragility of The Heart, Purity of The Heart, and Confessions of The Heart (the trinity as I affectionately call those chapters) among others. I'm not good at fic titles but dammit I'm good at chapter titles sometimes 😤

- and real quick before I move on, the entirety of Chazz and Alexis's relationship in this fic. She's all kinds of messed up emotionally in this and she's grown jaded and cold, and she hated him at the start. She hated him when they met when they were kids and she never let go of that or let him change in her mind all those years. But Jaden gets her to think that she's wrong, and when they meet him after they rescue him for Crowler, she accepts that she was wrong, but she's still cold to him. Alexis likes Chazz, not like likes him but she's endeared by him, but she doesn't like that she likes him and she ends up staying cold to him for a while. They argue like a married couple the whole time, and in Fragility of The Heart when she's overtaken by the influence of the darkness seeping out of the core of the 11th dimension because of Yubel, she's not in her right mind and she says a lot of harsh things and makes accusations she shouldn't be saying. And Chazz has to reveal to her the scars he's gotten from his brothers and brings her back down to earth and grounds her back into reality. He heard her crying to Atticus earlier in chapter 12 so he knows he's the only one who can get through to her then, and when he does she softens up on him from then on. And all of this ends up leading up to Alexis turning to Chazz to be her shoulder to cry on at the end of the penultimate chapter. The first of now 2 times they've had that FF7R Cloti moment.

I love the evolution of their relationship on her end especially, she grows the most throughout the entire story of everyone I think, and it just makes me feel good inside.

- and my number 3, Salt in the Wound.

My aftermath to episode 95... I've ranted enough about this, but it's just such a cathartic fic for me. One of the free short fics I've been able to do, and I just love the actual writing. So much of it was stream of consciousness, and I cried a lot working on it. I'll come to Sy's defense at any time anywhere and against anyone. Especially his own brother. He's my favorite character, he's also me in more ways than I care to think about sometimes. I love that fic so much, but it's also really hard to read sometimes. I know I'll write things that hurt me more, I know I will. But right now that's the one that hurts me the most. After everything Zane did and how far he'd fallen, Syrus still cared about him. Syrus still loved him and wanted his brother's acceptance. And writing that just hurt my heart in an entirely different way than anything else I've done before. But the whole experience like I said was so cathartic and I needed it. So it's one of my favorites.

24) If I could tell my past self something before I posted my first fic, I think I'd have something to say at various points in time. Like my first grade school fic, middle school fic, and high school fic eras. Nothing from before high school exists anymore, but no matter what specifically I might think so say to each of those past mes, I think the same thing that would be said to all of them would be not to ever for a second forget to have fun. And to tell myself that you're gonna feel like a failure sometimes. Your stuff won't take off right away, you're gonna feel burnt out, you're gonna feel bad. But you're also gonna love it. You're gonna feel the best you've felt in your life when you write. And don't worry, there are gonna be people that love your work.

I'd tell myself to just sit back and enjoy it. It's all gonna be worth it. You're not wasting your time. You're only gonna get better. I won't say to change anything I've written, I'd let myself write the crap and the actual flops and things I'm embarrassed by how bad they were when I look back now. Because that's what led me here. That's how I learned. That was me being an authentic kid.

I'd tell past me to smile and be proud of herself.

[stormyoceans]

we love to talk about deranged vv moments but let's redirect our attention to one of the most sensually tender vv moments for a minute .and i mean talay stroking puen's cheek after he woke up at the very beginning of ep 12. will you believe me if I'll say this very small moment integrated itself into my brain and changed it forever? he waited to meet puen for so long, he crossed the ocean again to do it, he fought to get his life back (because without his job as colorist he won't be truly himself) and for puen. they confessed once again, kissed, probably made love. and the first thought in his pretty head after he woke up after all this for the first time was 'mm, is this real...my puen' like the sheer amount of softness in this gesture! his eyes were sleepy but he already felt the need to touch puen and confirm that all that truly happened and puen truly by his side again. my god i truly hate writers for making puen prank him here but at the same time... that's so puen

NOT ONLY I CAN BELIEVE THAT TALAY STROKING PUEN'S CHEEK AT THE BEGINNING OF EP 12 IRREVERSIBLY ALTERED YOUR BRAIN CHEMISTRY FOREVER, ANON, BUT IM SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU GOING INSANE ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

i feel like it's easier to talk about puen's love for talay rather than the opposite because puen is just so loud and unashamed about it, while talay is more reserved and self-conscious in everyday life (at least for now), but the truth is that, just like the sea, talay's love for puen is so vast and deep that it's almost terrifying to directly look at. most of the time i can't even think about it for too long or i get so overwhelmed that i have to sit down and stare into the void for at least half an hour to recover. the sheer immensity of his feelings for puen is just so hard to grasp like this boy fought tooth and nail to get back to the man he loves!!!!! he defied universes!!!!! he waited day after day after day for an entire month and when he couldn't bear the though of being apart from puen any longer he was willing to throw himself into the ocean!!!!! that same ocean where he died once before!!!!! he glued back the pieces of his life that tess had ripped apart and when he finally - FINALLY - reunited with puen, he was still ready to throw his own happiness away if it meant puen didn't have to give up his job

this literally reads like an epic tale where the hero embarks on a journey full of trials to get back his long-lost love, and yet, even more than all of this, what gets me the most is the heartachingly tenderness with which talay touches puen, just like you said. talay can be rough and push him away sometimes, which usually happens when puen is too forward because it still embarrasses him, but he can be incredibly gentle too. the way he strokes puen's cheek when he wakes up is so delicate and tentative, so careful and soft. talay really touches puen like he's holding the most precious thing in the whole world in his hands and still can't believe it's real and his to keep

AND THEN PUEN HAD TO RUIN THE MOMENT JUST BECAUSE HE WOKE UP IN A SILLY GOOSE MOOD. the man will literally spend two years of his life writing movies that represent his relationship with talay and including scenes that reveal his deepest desires and yet when one of them actually becomes reality he decides to joke around....... smh but you're right, THAT'S the real puen: not a suave actor but a little gremlin and talay loves him for it

[magdalinlaineauthor]

I grew up on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel, so the latest revival of ICarly was my jam, and yes, I did watch all twenty or so hours of Quinton Reviews as he talked about ICarly, Victorious, and then Sam and Cat. If you don’t know who he is or what he does, that’s probably healthy.

It took me a while to get my hands on this book, I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy, because it didn’t just sell out, but the line for a copy from the library where I get most of my books was really really long. When I finally did get it, I read the book in a week. It’s not a long book, and many people are able to read it in a day, but the content in the book was very heavy. I had to put it down several times to process it.

It also made me quite moody and way too focused on food. Because despite it being a warning against unhealthy eating behaviors and the consequences, it takes its time getting there. It takes its time working through the recovery and healing process and all the relapses she endured before she got a better handle on it. Because it’s not really a warning, but a recount of what she went through and that’s still a valid story to write about.

I don’t usually experience uneasiness while reading, although as I get older I’m finding more and more content gives me an icky feeling. This book was even different than that though, because it’s a memoir about Jennette’s lived experience and what she went through as she grew from a child to a young adult. The beginning of the book felt more put together than the falling-apart-downward-spiral of the ending. Probably because she had so much more time to think through those memories and synthesize them into solid singular episodes that encapsulated hundreds of memories.

Writing about your own trauma and sharing it is not an easy task. I often find I’m too close to the feelings and thoughts and can’t articulate them well, or my judgment gets blurred and the story isn’t very good. But this book was very well done and it’s clear she put in a lot of work to create it and work through it.

It was written in first person present tense, very close to Jeannette as she experienced each event. Her understanding of what was happening around her stayed true to her age as the book continued, so as her mother was advising her on calorie restriction, she wrote it as she took it during that moment. So all the ideology and grooming and other thoughts and bad decisions were taken at face value until she got to a point in her life when she started therapy. And even then, it took her years to actually face it all.

This book deals with a lot, and there’s so much more I could say about it, but I only have so much space here as I’m already extending into the comments. But if you watched any of her performances as an actress or if you deal with issues like parents or parental figures who hoard or withhold love based on your behavior, or any kind of food issues or body dysmorphia, or OCD and perfectionism, then you will probably find intrigue in this book. It’s packed to the brim with everything you could possibly want to trauma bond over.

On a last note, one of the most interesting parts was to see her inner feelings about acting. She’s a brilliant actress and it seemed to come naturally to her, but to then get that glimpse into what was actually going on in her head was eye opening. She hated it. It made her even more self-conscious. And if there had to be one major takeaway from this book, then it should be that just because something appears one way doesn’t mean it was actually like that behind the scenes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CnexJZeLDAG/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[moemammon]

could i please request the obey me ! boyfies with an s/o who is like & chubby ? they get insecure about it (like being tall + chubby) and really are body-insecure to the point it’s like super frustrating too bc they want to express themselves through their outfits but absolutely hate clothes shopping and will break down bc of the amount of people, the clothing sizes, and being upset after trying things on... thank you so much!!

The Demon Bros react to a Body-Insecure GN!MC

(Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. This is something we hear all the time to the point that it almost feels dry and cliche. But! Just know that there's NOTHING wrong with the way you look, despite all the media we see centered around the world's idea of beauty. Beauty is subjective, and not eternal. Just be you. The best 'you' you can be!)

Lucifer

Do you REALLY think an age old demon would see anything wrong with what you look like? He's constantly surrounded by beauty, anyway, in the form of demons and angels alike

Besides, Luci isn't shallow enough to base his affections for you purely on how you look, so you don't even have to question that.

But he does recognize that you don't see yourself in the same like as he does, and he's so, so patient with you. After all, he can't have the love of his life doubting their self worth. The Avatar of Pride won't be having that.

Lucifer takes the time to tell you, everyday, what you mean to him. In the quiet moments when you two are alone, he'll guide your gaze to meet his own, and starts going down the list of the things that make you beautiful.

"To think you'd be self conscious about something like this.... Do you think I'd settle for anything less than perfection? Let me remind you again why I love every inch of you, MC."

Mammon

Taking up modeling gigs means Mammon's seen just about every body type under the sun, so do you seriously think he's that worried about the way you look?

He's a little slow to read the room, so it takes him a while to realize that you're self conscious. But when he tries taking you clothes shopping one day, and sees you're on the verge of tears after trying on two outfits, he gets the clue.

NOW he's being extra as hell in showing you how much he likes you. You start waking up to texts telling you how beautiful you are (with the obligatory threat that you'd better not show his brothers), he keeps putting his arm around you in public, and when he can muster up the courage, he'll even tell you in person how good you look in the outfit you're wearing.

He even starts sending you links to websites he visits to buy clothes. There's some good ones that have a wide range of customization options, and a pretty diverse size chart! It's not so bad if it's online, right?

"Anyone who's worthy of being around THE Great Mammon is worth a million grimm, understand? I don't really get all the fuss about yer body, but... I think ya look fine the way ya are. So smile a little more, alright?"

Levi

Levi can relate when it comes to body insecurities. He's a layabout, and the only exercise he gets is when he's forced to get it. He doesn't think he's much of a looker compared to his brothers, either.

So when you tell him how you feel about the way you look, he gathers up every ounce of otaku™️ strength to tell you that there's nothing wrong with your height, or weight.

He DEFINITELY values personality over looks, and even then it's not like he finds you unattractive. Seriously, he doesn't get your worries at all. Are you sure you can see properly..? They say staring at screens too long can mess up your eyesight, so maybe he should stop forcing you to watch so much tv with him?

And guess what? Levi can sew. Go ahead and bring him the clothes you wanna wear, and he'll get em fixed up for you! Or if you want something custom made, he's got you! Leave it to the master weeb and his endless cosplay knowledge! ✨

"L-Like in anime! It's boring to see the same body types all the time and it's nice when they change it up, s-so....Uh.... Anyway, I like everything about you, okay?! Your body is fine the way it is!"

Satan

According to his nerd calculations, you have no reason to be insecure.

Jokes aside, Satan listens to your concerns and handles them gently. No two people look alike and the world is full of different body types, so who's to decide what is and isn't beautiful?

As he sees it, you're healthy and happy, and isn't that all that matters? He can't take away your anxieties about shopping, but he CAN help you find things you would like to try out. He's pretty sure he has a book that teaches a spell for altering clothes in an instant....

Satan tends to think on the logical side of things, so you can trust that he isn't just saying nice things to spare your feelings. He means every word when he tells you how perfect you are in his eyes.

"Of the billions of people on earth, do you really think anyone can say what 'beauty' is? MC, you're perfect the way you are. Should I write a book about all the wonderful things I love about you?"

Asmo

If there's anyone who can appreciate all body types, it's Asmo. What can you expect from the Avatar of Lust, who's seen all there is to see? If anything, there's more for him to love~!

And his affection for your body isn't even entirely sexual. It's all about aesthetics! He loves every dip and curve of yours, from head to toe!

He knows you find it difficult to find clothes that suit you, so he's started having your clothes tailored. You're a little confused when he randomly starts taking your measurements one day-

Later, he returns to you with all those outfits you kept staring at a little too long, all tailored to your body type. Asmo has CONNECTIONS, baby. He's gonna make sure you find everything you could possibly want. He knows how crucial it is to express yourself through what you wear!

"Didn't I tell you you'd look great in that? I'm never wrong when it comes to fashion! And MC darling, you look as stunning as always! Ooh, I just love the way this accentuates your body~!"

Beel

Beel only has food on the brain, so he's the least likely to care for appearances. He loves you for your heart, because that's what matters the most to him. And when you're happy, he's happy!

He loves the look on your face when you smile at yourself in the mirror, and he wants to see that more often. So when you express your insecurities about your body, Beel has a plan of action in mind.

He hoists you up and settles you onto his bed, first grabbing your thighs, your hips, your torso, your arms, and ends all the touching by cupping your cheeks. His hands are warm with affection, and you could already feel yourself melting into his touch.

He looks you in the eye with that deadpan expression of his, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, and a potato chip to your lips.

"No matter how you look or what you wear, you're still the same MC that I love. Every part of you is just fine, so why do you worry so much about it? I'll remind you over and over if I have to."

Belphie

Um??? That means he has more to hold?? when you guys cuddle?? You're warm, you smell nice, and he loves you. Literally where is the downside to any of that???

Belphie takes your worries with a grain of salt, but he knows how insecure you are so he doesn't brush them off. He DOES however tell you that you're worrying yourself to death.

Also, do you really think a man that sleeps all the time is going to have washboard abs? Belphie definitely has a little chub here and there under those baggy ass clothes of his.

Speaking of clothes, he thinks you should just wear whatever makes you comfortable. You're wearing those clothes for yourself, aren't you? So just wear what you like.

"There you go again, talking badly about yourself. Geez.... I guess I'll just have to hold you in my arms until you realize how silly you're being. Come here."

[nctsjiho]

Take Care Of Me

cw: vague spoiler for 'What Are We?': this can be read as a standalone writing, but if you haven't read my mini series 'What Are We?' this might contain a spoiler to the plot || era: Early 2018

❀ Maybe it's JiHo's pride that doesn't want to admit she cares and worries for her members, but that's not a problem. Mark knows otherwise.

“He’ll be fine. Just let him sleep for a while,” a male voice said, careful not to raise his voice. “I’ll get going now. If something happens you can always call.” And with that the voice, along with the person's footsteps slowly faded until the room filled with silence again.

“You can open your eyes again, idiot, the manager already left.” Once Mark opened his eyes, he could see a rather unamused JiHo glaring at him. He had to suppress a small chuckle so as to not hit a nerve with the girl, but he couldn’t help but let one out once she rolled her eyes. Unfortunately, the chuckle, a bit more forceful than anticipated, shook through his whole body causing the older one to groan. “Karma,” JiHo whispered as he winced in pain trying to get back into a comfortable position.

“I–”

Before Mark could utter an apology – more so to appease JiHo than his own non-existent feeling of guilt – JiHo cut him off by slapping a hand down on his chest. “I hate you!” She mumbled angrily.

“Ah– What was that for?” Mark placed his own hand on the place JiHo hit him, softly rubbing the spot in hopes to ease the pain.

“Dude! You fainted when I was the only one in the room. Do you know how worried I was?” JiHo scolded and Mark couldn’t help but chuckle again watching the lingering panic and concern in JiHo’s features.

“Oh?” – Mark raised a brow, while also showing a subtle smirk – “do you care about me that much?”

Of course he was just trying to get on the short-haired girl’s nerves – it was working. “Don’t think so highly of yourself. I was just worried that someone would walk in and think I hit you or something,” she scoffed. However much she tried to play it off like she was angry at him, the comment let Mark know JiHo wasn’t actually angry, rather, worried. “You’re supposed to be the older one, the smarter one. But no! You overwork yourself to the point of fainting during a personal practice session. You should be resting. Aren’t you supposed to be a leader and a good example for everyone? You–”

JiHo stopped talking when she noticed Mark stare at her. She didn’t realise she was rambling and suddenly felt a little self-conscious. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked, trying to sound annoyed.

Mark just smiled, taking note of the pout on JiHo’s face. Did she not realise how cute she could be? Mark’s heart felt warm when JiHo rambled about him having to take care of himself. She was clearly worried about him, but she didn’t want to admit it.

“Earth to Mark Lee?” JiHo waved her hands in front of his face and when he still didn’t answer she started to push herself off of the couch. However, Mark grabbed her hand and pulled her back to her original spot next to him.

“I need someone to take care of me,” he started off confidently but seeing JiHo’s apprehensive look, his voice quickly faltered. “I mean– I still feel a little dizzy. S– Stay a little while, will you?”

JiHo stared at the boy questioningly for a second before nodding slowly. “Fine, weirdo. Just because you could actually be really sick.” She took her phone out of her pocket and turned some music back on before laying back against the backrest and scrolling down her phone. Mark sent her a confused look, earning a cheeky smile from her. “In case someone walks past the practice room. They’d think someone is actually practising,” she explained the reason for putting on music and focused back on her phone.

Mark chuckled to himself as he shook his head in disbelief. “Ah Lim JiHo, what am I supposed to do with you,” he sighed to himself before looking at her again. She hadn’t heard him nor noticed him look at her causing him to smile freely.

If JiHo only knew how much his heart started to beat faster as she heartily laughed at something funny on her phone. Mark felt the happiest seeing JiHo like this; so natural and care free. He had a hard time looking away from her, but since she didn’t seem to notice – or just didn’t care – Mark didn’t have to look away just yet.

---

S/N: this is queued. this post will be linked in masterlists later

masterlists: main masterlist || jiho.writings masterlist