#because i need to cognitively process then instead of emotionally

[noa-ciharu]

e, n, v.

I think I did N in one of prev answers so other two:

E - have you added anything cracky/ hilarious to your fandom?

I still have my crack theory that swords Fuuma and Kamui use in battles are symbolism for unprotected sword battling under sheets in bedroom. And also:

Yea Clamp you weren't subtle. Fuuma you gonna end up killing someone with that thing

Also I think I added to trc/x fandom that Kamui is actually a kinky little repressed kitten but? that's not rly a headcanon? I mean just look at him, masochism overload.

Also I think both of us contributed to Seishirou's shoulder pads crack fact theory (idk if it was in fandom before? I guess it was?); we need to dig up those crack posts

V - which character do you relate the most?

Out of clamp characters? Damn this one is hard bc all of them are far too emotional and dramatic for me to relate to any of them; but on other hand even someone as stoic as Doumeki isn't relatable to me bc of blank affect (?). Also how fast characters connect and open one to one another is mindboggling to me. Biggest plot twist to me in MKR was how Hikari fell for Eagle instantly?? Like girl how??? I'll never understand...

So I guess those are moments when worst man alive start being relatable.... yea, him.

Because, how do I say it? I do care about people but they hardly ever do interest me? I have two deeper platonic bonds from years before but beside that I mostly form very shallow bonds with people; emotional connection is something that's ??? to me because I simply cannot open up to people. I guess deep down I do see relationships as prisons and need for emotional connection as flaw (always need for self sufficiency). I genuinely can't recall if I ever missed someone. And there are buncha emotion related things I can only understand on cognitive level, like romantic attraction or falling in love. There were few times when some people tried to know me better really fast and my inner self defense mechanisms kicked in and I got so uncomfortable I avoided them like plague. Displays of intense emotions from others do tend to make me uncomfortable so I gradually start distancing myself from that situation/person.

During my childhood I've always been described as cold and emotionless, even got called a buncha names (like monster or child with defect) by own relatives to the boot - but I did have emotions (otherwise their words wouldn't have affected me), just self taught myself to neither express them nor be aware of their presence. Yea, it's completely possible to feel something and be completely unaware of it. I remember one time (I was 16ish I think) i was out with friend and ran into relative; chitchated a min or two and later on friends was 'wow you rly hate that person' based on what she saw. Which was a puzzlement to me, bc I didn't hate that relative, at least not that I knew at that time.

Basically only way I could deal with emotions was to "think" them, not "feel" them; intellectualization my beloved. However during social interactions I was constantly on a survey, collecting data how "I'm supposed" to act in order to be "normal" - and that's where more problems kicked in, I had no clue of what I "felt" was genuine emotion or just transaction. Long story short, my emotional regulation and self identification were at 0. I ended up in therapy and it honestly helped me to great degree, especially with understanding my own emotions and identifying them, but I'm still emotionally detached from my own self and people around me. Therapists told me it's intense form of maladjusted self protection :<

There are times when I do wonder how it'll be like to have close emotional bond with someone, but I'm very bad at handling them so cons far outweigh the pros pretty fast

[theambitiouswoman]

Do you have any tips on dealing with anger?

I tend to act on my anger ,for example I end up saying really hurtful things to others which just makes the situation worse

I actually get this question a lot, either online or my friends. I used to have the same problem, and just finished giving a friend advice on this yesterday.

Before, I was very reactive and lived in a triggered state. Would speak without thinking, or better argue/react. Eventually, I realized that just by having the wrong reaction, even if I would have been right- made me wrong. How we handle situations matters more than the situation itself (there are obviously exceptions to this i.e. an argument with an abusive partner etc.) I started practicing by, and this is advice is always give, removing myself from the situation immediately. breathe in and breathe out and process the whole scenario in my head, along with the outcome i wanted to achieve. Sometimes, returning to those conversations would take me a day or two to process. other times, i would consciously decide to wait to make sure i was right or wrong. Some experiences that i wasn't exposed to or had experience with, i would wait a second time for the situation to happen before i reacted. I knew if i felt upset about it more than once, that something was wrong and needed to communicate it.

I also imprinted in my mind, how much control the other person would have over me if i couldn't control my own emotions. Absolutely no one was going to upset/hurt me, then also know they had the upper hand/power over me. No way, no ma'am.

Emotional control is very powerful. It makes you a very powerful person. Also speaks to your level of confidence. You don't win when you lose control. You also don't want to ruin relationships.

It really depends on the situation that upsets us, but we are not always right just because we are upset. Its not that your feelings aren't valid, but sometimes they come from something else. It could even come down to us misunderstanding.

In short, I would recommend you start practicing removing yourself from situations where you feel like you are going to explode on someone. Take time to process your thoughts and decide on the outcome you want to achieve regarding that situation. Recommend you repeating to yourself "i control my feelings, my feelings don't control me."

Other ways you can learn to manage your emotions:

Identify your emotions: The first step in controlling your emotions is to identify what you are feeling. Try to name your emotions and recognize their intensity.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It can help you to become more aware of your emotions and to respond to them in a healthy way.

Use cognitive restructuring: Cognitive restructuring involves changing negative or irrational thoughts into positive or rational ones. This can help you to manage your emotions more effectively.

Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally can help you to manage your emotions. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and make time for relaxation.

Develop healthy coping mechanisms: Identify healthy ways to cope with your emotions, such as talking to a friend, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in a hobby.

The next time you are in the middle of a discussion and start feeling angry, try these methods instead:

Walk away: If you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break from the conversation. Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk, or do something that helps you relax.

Listen actively: Listen to the other person's point of view without interrupting or becoming defensive. Try to understand their perspective and feelings.

Use "I" statements: Use "I" statements to express how you feel instead of blaming or accusing the other person. For example, say "I feel hurt when you do this" instead of "You always do this and it's annoying."

Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their feelings and perspective.

Avoid personal attacks: Avoid personal attacks or name-calling. Stick to the issue at hand and focus on finding a solution.

Take responsibility for your emotions: Take responsibility for your emotions and reactions. Acknowledge your feelings and express them in a healthy way.

[dr-lizortecho]

Hi! I would love to hear your take on how Stefan and Caroline's MBTI types reflect their differences and similarities and also the ways that people with those MBTI types are likely to be compatible - and the main challenges they're likely to face :)

Okay, so full disclaimer I know nothing about compatibility and I’ll just kinda make my best guess in my limited knowledge of cognitive functions and how they appear in these two characters.

There’s some immediate differences that pop out at the initial look at Caroline and Stefan’s MBTI’s. The first being that Stefan uses Fi (introverted feeling) and Caroline uses Fe (extroverted feeling). The main differences here is that Stefan’s guiding moralistic compass is built on top of some internal sense of self that he developed at a young age whereas Caroline’s moralistic compass is more malleable and built on an external sense of self (which is more likely to shift over time). This is to say, that Caroline’s sense of good and bad is more readily changeable and adaptable to situations, and more built in how actions impact the external world at large. While Stefan’s will be more unbending and unyielding, and more based on how situations impact him and his sense of self. This can be seen in the ways they both approach new vampires, Caroline seeing the possibility of self growth and healing for each new vamp, whereas Stefan can be blinded by his emotional stake in the vampirism (see wanting Vickie to die cause she’s not cut out to be a vampire and wanting Caroline to turn cause it’s what Elena wants/needs). Furthermore, it can be seen in virtually every emotionally charged decision both characters make and even in their character growth throughout the series. Because Caroline is shown to have grown and adapted her sense of goodness and Stefan is shown as perpetually stagnant.

And as always, Feeling and Thinking functions are attached. So if they’re opposites in their approach to feeling they’re also opposites in cognition. Where Caroline uses Fe she also pairs it with Ti (introverted thinking) which sees the world as a closed machine, every part working together to make a cohesive sense. In this she approaches logical situations with an big picture mentality that allows her to look at the individual details and understand how they impact the larger picture. This can be seen in her ability to not only maneuver but control social situations (outside of using her vampire abilities), and her being one of the first to understand the motivations of most of their villains. Where Caroline’s logic is expansive so it allows details to be connected universally, Stefan uses Te (extroverted thinking) which is a closed system. It takes every logical problem as it own whole and deconstructs and reconstructs that information until it comes to some conclusion. This version of logical approach tends to occur verbally or tangibly for a character, aka everytime Stefan has to reconstruct/repeat the information someone hands him in order to process it and then apply it. Also, there’s a tendency for this cognitive function to believe there is a “correct” way of understanding/doing most things. Accounting for a lot of the rough edges between him and other characters.

Now on their similarities! They both have Se (extroverted sensing) and Ni (introverted intuition). Extroverted sensing is a little difficult for me to discuss (as someone who doesn’t much use it), but my limited understanding is it’s a processing system that observes the world in real time and instead of cross analyzing new experiences with the past/past experiences it treats them as unique occurrences and experiences. This function can usually be seen through characters who can have “fun” and cut loose or who can be quick on their feet and take up physical changes and challenges well. There’s also generally a want for adventure of some variety or rather new experiences. This helps them match up where their previous differences help them to push each other forward and help each other grow.

Then there’s their introverted intuition, which is a cognitive process that appears almost invisible. But it’s internally processed intuition, meaning the characters have “aha” moments and gut feelings they can’t always explain, though it’s been logically arrived at via their subconscious. These moments will flood in all at once, giving them the answer they weren’t actively pondering for, flooded in with all the little bits and pieces that arrived them there (though not in a logical order that is easy to explain- hence the “trust me” conversation style they both implement on occasion).

As for comparability I’ll leave that to you and anyone else who read this far!

[leptonyx-constellate]

What is an average day for you like?

First and foremost, loud! Lol

We mostly communicate through emotions/senses unless we really need to talk about something important, but if we need to talk about something important, we usually text through Discord or SimplyPlural (in part so that it's easier to distinguish what's something we actually wanted to say, what's just thought repetition due to schizophrenia, and what's something we only thought but didn't want to say out loud; the other part is just having it on record so we don't have to have the same conversation over and over again and have something to look back at, especially if the conversation had a lot of information).

As such, most of the loudness isn't from each other, it's from our schizophrenia and disorganized thinking. In the past, we've described our mind as...

[...] [our "thoughts" are] foreground noise that feels sort of like having audio processing disorder and you're in a loud restaurant, and you're trying to talk to someone, but you're constantly overhearing unrelated conversations and the music and also the TV is playing a sports game and has its audio on for some reason, so it feels like you can't get any words out because you're brain is stuck-everywhere-else. But like, internally, and its "your own" thoughts and there's no doors to get out and take a breather and let your brain relax

The only time it gets "quiet" is when our clinical lycanthropy (henceforth CL) kicks in. However, there's still that same internal pressure, it's just in wolf-thoughts (instincts, emotionally-driven, occasional wordy thought that usually boils down to "i am a wolf" and "need to avoid humans" and "can't look weird can't look weird or else i'll be discovered") instead of human-thoughts (wordy, LOUD, often garbled nonsense noise that sounds like words but isn't, like those comedy segments that SFTH will do where someone pretends to be speaking a language and another person has to translate, except they don't know the language and are just making vague noises that sound like it could feasibly be the language; there's also a lot of repetition if we do have a clear thought (just about every sentence in this answer has been repeated at least 10 - 20 times, most of them more, probably))

We spend the majority of our day on Tumblr or YouTube. We'll occasionally play video games and we'll write a lot, mostly in our writing servers on Discord, and occasionally on a website we found ages ago called Calmly Writer. We don't have a job, we still need to get an ID, but it's made difficult from the mix of negative and cognitive symptoms from our schizophrenia (+ a lot of personal stuff has been happening lately that's been keeping us busy). We go swimming twice a week (the only real exercise we can do thanks to our joints), but those are pretty much the only times we go outside. We'll normally wake up late in the morning (think 10 - 11 AM), eat a sandwich (or some pizza if we had any the night before and if there were leftovers), and then it's a toss-up on whether we'll eat anything else before dinner (usually around 8 PM)

So uhh... internally it's very loud and big and exhausting, but externally, we mostly just rot on the couch because we're so tired from what happens internally. Kind of depressing lmao oops

[hxhhasmysoul]

Sometimes I wonder how does mischaracterization happen within a fandom.

It seems like it always happens in any fandom. Especially towards characters who are more morally gray or nuanced characters being flatten to oversimplified characterization.

I wonder if it has to do with the general audience of a fandom. Such as if the fandom have more young fans within it and such. Or it’s just an increasing trend of people not having very good analytical abilities when it comes to media literacy.

it's probably a little bit of everything.

i mean reading comprehension is said to go down. i haven't looked up any research so idk if this is an actual confirmed trend. but when i tutored kids english i found out that teachers take reading comprehension for granted, both in my native tongue and in english. for whatever reason adults, including teachers who should know better, think that everyone can acquire reading comprehension through just being told to read at home and to do some true/false or single choice exercise with questions for the text. an exercise that is checked by asking 5 random people at school what the answers are and correcting them if they have it wrong without explaining why they had it wrong. and just moving on.

parents often also don't talk with children about issues, they don't point out manipulative tactics, maybe because they don't notice them themselves. i mean adults out here in social media are as bad as the younger people.

when it comes to mischaracterisation there's a lot of taking something at face value. like with gojou.

he says he cares about the youth. but throughout the manga you can clearly see that maybe he believes that he cares but his actions do not support that at all. or with yuuji who people just shove into the silly protag trope because he's not great at sciences but he actually doesn't struggle at school and he's very emotionally intelligent and a great problem solver.

in both cases it's for whatever reason not feeling the cognitive dissonance when parts of the text do not seem to add up and kinda defaulting towards the lazier option.

it might be also due to oversaturation with available stuff. people have noticed that fandom moves on very fast. people consume one thing after another instead of enjoying them. i purposefully don't engage with too many things because i just can't process them. and with some stuff i engage on a surface level but then i don't go into fandoms and spew my casual opinions.

and this is another problem that i've mentioned before. there's a feedback loop between creating an image of oneself on social media and spewing opinions on the next hot thing fast, but also mixing into it moral posturing. some people just need the media they enjoy and the characters they like to be morally pure and will twist themselves into rhetorical pretzels to argue that purity.

and since there's too much of everything people turn to others for commentary, influences on tiktok, youtube, twitter, reddit and here. learn their opinions and internalise them because often these people talk with conviction even if they are grifters and liars. and like i also like to listen to people talk about fandom stuff when i play the sims but when i write my opinions i try to go back to the text and not just repeat what others have said.

this is what most of the "gon's a monster" crowd is about. they repeat a cold take that seems smart because it often abuses academic language to give itself the air of depth and truth.

like it's a complex issue and these surely aren't all contributing factors.

but it is disheartening, especially when people will blatantly argue against the text when presented with it.

[butch-reidentified]

I'm intrigued by your thoughts on emotionality. What is it that drives you to 'commit to a belief system' (paraphrasing you slightly) exactly? I would say I'm not a particularly emotional person, my feelings are more vague a lot of the time, but certainly a lot of the things I believe viz right vs wrong, male supremacy being bad, etc I can only rationalise so far until ultimately I get to the root of them, which is that the thought of some people brutalising a group of people I am a part of makes me feel a negative gut emotion.

But sometimes, if I consider humanity from a cosmic perspective, in which humans are just collections of proteins obeying certain statistical parameters, and in any given situation someone is going to get the upper hand and dominate, I stop feeling any way about it at all. I think this is why I tend not to 'commit' to belief systems. I try them out for a while, absorb the interesting ideas but ultimately take none of them as gospel since morals are essentially either emotional at root, or just self-imposed dogma, then get bored and move on to something else. I guess I would understand an argument for self-imposed dogmatic morals, in that you probably need to construct some parameters to live by otherwise you will probably struggle to bond with other people, but to me the knowledge that they are self-imposed would mean I could never seriously commit to them as a set of beliefs.

I have a question in that case: do you think that if you were born male you would be at all sympathetic to female liberation/equality? When you could have the option instead to just take advantage or not care? I often wonder if a big part of the reason a lot of feminist thinking has stuck with me is because it's ultimately self-serving. My ego does not allow me to accept the idea that I am inferior. Feminism supplies me with a justification

I'm going to answer this completely honestly, but I have a sneaking suspicion that not everyone will be thrilled with my response lmao

My belief commitments are a large part of what I refer to as my anchor system. My brother, who is just like me (down to exact same score on the TriPM with almost identical answers), also uses an anchor system which very clearly functions similarly to mine, though is comprised of somewhat different commitments. The anchor system serves several functions, including improved interpersonal interactions/relations, self-preservation from societal consequences, and keeping us "grounded" in an external (albeit self-imposed) value system.

You are approaching the answer in what you say about "understanding an argument for self-imposed dogmatic morals." It is pretty similar to that. It does kind of end up functioning as a sort of moral compass, though the lack of internal response to violating my own "morals" means that this compass changes fairly often - and usually just because I've come to find part of it inconvenient. It ends up being more of a loose behavioral constraint that helps limit certain impulsive behaviors, but is easily overridden/renegotiated when I want to do something badly enough. So yes, you are right that I can only commit to them so much, take them so seriously, knowing that they're consciously chosen.

I am fully opposed to oppression and the like, not only when it affects me. That said, if I'm going to be completely honest like I said I would, for me, this doesn't primarily come from a place of compassion. I am very very good at cognitive empathy (understanding what others feel, even if I can't relate to it or feel it myself), though, so I am capable of that perspective and have made it matter to me, it just isn't innate for me. My opposition to oppression at its core comes from a utilitarian thought process: I think it's incredibly wasteful and disadvantageous to the species/community to stifle the potential of entire populations (or anyone, really).

I do understand that people tend to get upset about that, but it's not a choice, it's just how I innately function. One function of the anchor system is to compensate for this to an extent, keep me more focused on cognitive empathy and commonly accepted morality. This means that my behaviors, my moral code, so to speak, are in effect a well-stirred mixture of utilitarian thought processes and externally adapted perspectives.

does this answer your questions adequately?

[twistedyapping]

when did we lose empathy

i just saw a tiktok of someone letting a jumping spider go free outside their house into one of their plants with that little spider poem thingy on it yknow-

the "im sorry for scaring you, i didnt know it would cost me my life" one- and i love those videos so much they almost make me cry man-

i scroll thru the comments and i saw ppl saying stuff like "the spider is NOT thinking that" or "spiders dont have a consciousness bro 💀" And im like. heartbroken.

it reminds me of that cant help myself art piece with the robot constantly having to clean up after itself but it just gets worse and worse until it literally cant help itself and it just stops working-

i saw so many people just not getting that and instead mocking it and the people that did actually feel something from it to the point where it became one of tiktok's many regurgitated comments- "it looks so tired".

the point of both of those things, the poem and the art piece, is to help us understand that all life is precious- it's to make you Feel something.

i genuinely have a hard time believing that people can look at a spider and think nothing other than "enemy" or "disgusting" and kill it with no remorse.

what's worse is i didnt use to be like this- i used to be scared of spiders or thought they were gross like everyone else did- but then sometimes there would be one spider in the corner of a room that was just chilling, he wasn't hurting anybody and he was killing off other pests- they would get a name and i usually wouldnt be bothered by them.

that was when my exceptions started- and then some spiritual awakenings later and i found out they were my spirit animal, and ever since then i just keep working on it and trying to become less and less scared of them and now it's at the point where i might be a Little unnerved, but i could probably hold a tarantula in a controlled environment.

and even now like ofc i understand looking at a bug of some kind and thinking it's gross, i have my enemies of the bug world, but spiders are not one of them.

"the spider was NOT thinking that" ya but he was probably hoping he didn't die. every critter on the planet has a basic "i hope i dont die" instinct, even if it's not an actual word for word thought. it can be a feeling, or just a motivation to do something to get out of harm's way.

And for the cant help myself thing, that shit made me cry a while ago dude genuinely- "its programmed to do that" Ok and??? why do we need standards for empathy??? more importantly, why does an art piece that is Supposed to evoke emotion, not make you feel anything?

you're not fucking cool or different for being like "it's just a Thing, it's just a robot, it cant actually feel anything 😂", you're not macho or tough for not being able to see the depth in metaphors. you're fucking miserable.

and i will say that i am fully aware that this is most likely a more sensitive topic for me because i was around people who lacked even basic Cognitive empathy for a LONG time and that shit fucking changes you. that shit makes you feel like you shouldnt have emotions or empathy because it's "being weak" or stupid, emotionally immature, pathetic, etc.

so you start acting like someone scooped out your amygdala and you have never felt a single emotion in your life. you start lacking empathy and being bitchy towards people who dont deserve it, and then you come back like 3 years later after you've relearned the process of emotion just to apologize for how you treated those people because now you're fully aware that they never did anything to you (true story unfortunately.)

these fucking people will rip out any sense of importance or emotional significance out of your life because you're vulnerable and you want nothing more than to find people to fit in with.

But if you wanna fit in, you're gonna have to be fucking insufferable.

i was there for Most of my life, until i couldn't take the misery anymore and cut ties with every single one of those people over a long and arduous process because i was still developing a sense of self along the way.

after i did that, i basically had to put myself in a little rehab center inside my head and give myself almost constant therapy on how to actually let myself feel emotions and how they're completely normal- i had to relearn empathy from my mom- she had no active part in it, she just displayed it way more than i did at the time so i managed to pick up on it and make it an active process in my life once more.

i still, to this day, struggle with understanding that experiencing things like sadness isn't weakness. it's vulnerability, yes, and i cannot bring myself to believe that it's a display of strength yet, but i believe that not letting people trample you and kick you down into that state of depression is the strength itself, even if your voice has to crack while you tell them to go fuck themselves.

All this lore to say that i dont know when or where it started being cool to say shit like "animals dont have a consciousness" or SOMETHING like that in public. it was always a shitty friend group thing for me, ive never truly seen it in public especially en masse like this.

and it pisses me off. you dont have to be crying every 2 seconds to be cool, but you dont have to be a fucking dipshit loser that has no empathy to be cool either.

what gets me the most is these people just subscribe to what's "cool", they don't find who THEY really are- im not saying that if you follow trends, you should be in a psych ward. im saying that if ALL YOU DO is follow in other people's footsteps, you should probably do some soul searching.

and i could ofc be fighting invisible demons here, this could be a much smaller problem compared to what ive seen, but it's still a problem.

my bad this shit just pisses me off because i see people clearly being trapped in the hole that i managed to climb out of a while ago, and i wanna help them out but i know i cant for several reasons, so it's like. Fuck.

anyway ya that's abt it i just needed to yap for a second. see ya.

- 🌙 -

[copperbadge]

I got my diagnosis back from the ADHD testing. Diagnosis is indeed ADHD, inattentive-mild. Although at this point, that’s one data point in about eight they gave me that I didn't ask for, and it's now the least of my worries.

I'm going to talk about some pretty sudden and heavy shit behind the readmore and probably say some things that people who've had a lot longer to get comfortable with their neurodiversity and/or mental illness than I have, which is roughly an hour at this point, a) shouldn't have to hear and b) may find offensive. But I'm trying my best to dump a bunch of feelings somewhere least harmful and Tumblr is it (ironic). Sorry if I fuck this up. Please don’t feel obliged to read this or to respond, I don’t require response, all you really need to know is “Yep I have ADHD, looking at next steps now, and I’m okay.” 

It is possible that I was subconsciously trying to prove to myself that I don’t need to get a therapist because actually cognitively I’m totally ordinary and can be scientifically diagnosed as neurotypical*. If so, that backfired pretty badly.

* A good grade in being average, something it’s both normal to want and possible to achieve etc etc

It turns out that regardless of a diagnosis of ADHD I have chronic severe anxiety (!! something they didn't even intentionally test for) which is making the mild ADHD diagnosis seem really Not Mild in day to day life.

I genuinely thought they were just gonna tell me I was an average human being imagining things because I’m Extremely Online. Instead they basically said "You have ADHD and are otherwise an off-the-charts intelligent person that probably people like very much and you are never going to believe that about yourself" which, mood. Trope, even. And the stress of managing this contradiction between “very intelligent and reasonably charismatic” and “Does not believe he is either” is really, apparently, fucking me up.

Now even if I don't want to learn new skills for managing any of the issues that I've just found out I have, or work through whatever's making this shit happen, I still have to go to therapy if I want any kind of medication for the actual diagnosis, and apparently I’m so obviously fucked up that no therapist in their right mind would medicate me without making me work for it first (nor should they, I get it, I’m just saying).  

But it means my options are 1. Therapy, with all that entails, or 2. Continuing to handle it myself and hoping it doesn't result in a long slow tailspin where I lose my job and end up homeless. The evaluator also told me I have the impulse to catastrophize...

In any case, I can't tell if this comes across as me being funny or me being emotionally devastated, so to be clear: I am okay. I'm just processing and that usually involves me yelling a bunch. I'm not at this point looking for advice or even validation or reassurance, I do actually know that I have many people who care about me and they care because I'm a good person they love and will love even if I don't turn in work on time.

But I had to assemble my thoughts somehow and also felt like you guys deserved some kind of catharsis-resolution after hearing me talk about the testing, so I'm multitasking. 

Something I'm now diagnosed as being good at doing, actually, that part of the evaluation was very flattering. 

[rosequartz-propaganda]

What are some common consequences of being neglected as a child? source: r/emotionalneglect

Pete Walker identifies neglect as the "core wound" in complex PTSD. He writes in Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving,

"Growing up emotionally neglected is like nearly dying of thirst outside the fenced off fountain of a parent's warmth and interest. Emotional neglect makes children feel worthless, unlovable and excruciatingly empty. It leaves them with a hunger that gnaws deeply at the center of their being. They starve for human warmth and comfort."

Self esteem that is low, fragile or nearly non-existent: all forms of abuse and neglect make a child feel worthless and despondent and lead to self-blame, because when we are totally dependent on our parents we need to believe they are good in order to feel secure. This belief is upheld at the expense of our own boundaries and internal sense of self.

Pervasive sense of shame: a deeply ingrained sense that "I am bad" due to years of parents and caregivers avoiding closeness with us.

Little or no self-compassion: When we are not treated with compassion, it becomes very difficult to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially in the midst of our own struggles and shortcomings. A lack of self-compassion leads to punishment and harsh criticism of ourselves along with not taking into account the difficulties caused by circumstances outside of our control.

Anxiety: frequent or constant fear and stress with no obvious outside cause, especially in social situations. Without being adequately shown in our childhoods how we belong in the world or being taught how to soothe ourselves we are left with a persistent sense that we are in danger.

Difficulty setting boundaries: Personal boundaries allow us to not make other people's problems our own, to distance ourselves from unfair criticism, and to assert our own rights and interests. When a child's boundaries are regularly invalidated or violated, they can grow up with a heavy sense of guilt about defending or defining themselves as their own separate beings.

Isolation: this can take the form of social withdrawal, having only superficial relationships, or avoiding emotional closeness with others. A lack of emotional connection, empathy, or trust can reinforce isolation since others may perceive us as being distant, aloof, or unavailable. This can in turn worsen our sense of shame, anxiety or under-development of social skills.

Refusing or avoiding help (counter-dependency): difficulty expressing one's needs and asking others for help and support, a tendency to do things by oneself to a degree that is harmful or limits one's growth, and feeling uncomfortable or 'trapped' in close relationships.

Codependency (the 'fawn' response): excessively relying on other people for approval and a sense of identity. This often takes the form of damaging self-sacrifice for the sake of others, putting others' needs above our own, and ignoring or suppressing our own needs.

Cognitive distortions: irrational beliefs and thought patterns that distort our perception. Emotional neglect often leads to cognitive distortions when a child uses their interactions with the very small but highly influential sample of people—their parents—in order to understand how new situations in life will unfold. As a result they can think in ways that, for example, lead to counterdependency ("If I try to rely on other people, I will be a disappointment / be a burden / get rejected.") Other examples of cognitive distortions include personalization ("this went wrong so something must be wrong with me"), over-generalization ("I'll never manage to do it"), or black and white thinking ("I have to do all of it or the whole thing will be a failure [which makes me a failure]"). Cognitive distortions are reinforced by the confirmation bias, our tendency to disregard information that contradicts our beliefs and instead only consider information that confirms them.

Learned helplessness: the conviction that one is unable and powerless to change one's situation. It causes us to accept situations we are dissatisfied with or harmed by, even though there often could be ways to effect change.

Perfectionism: the unconscious belief that having or showing any flaws will make others reject us. Pete Walker describes how perfectionism develops as a defense against feelings of abandonment that threatened to overwhelm us in childhood: "The child projects his hope for being accepted onto inner demands of self-perfection. ... In this way, the child becomes hyperaware of imperfections and strives to become flawless. Eventually she roots out the ultimate flaw–the mortal sin of wanting or asking for her parents' time or energy."

Difficulty with self-discipline: Neglect can leave us with a lack of impulse control or a weak ability to develop and maintain healthy habits. This often causes problems with completing necessary work or ending addictions, which in turn fuels very cruel self-criticism and digs us deeper into the depressive sense that we are defective or worthless. This consequence of emotional neglect calls for an especially tender and caring approach.

Addictions: to mood-altering substances, foods, or activities like working, watching television, sex or gambling. Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician who writes and speaks about the roots of addiction in childhood trauma, describes all addictions as attempts to get an experience of something like intimate connection in a way that feels safe. Addictions also serve to help us escape the ingrained sense that we are unlovable and to suppress emotional pain.

Numbness or detachment: spending many of our most formative years having to constantly avoid intense feelings because we had little or no help processing them creates internal walls between our conscious awareness and those deeper feelings. This leads to depression, especially after childhood ends and we have to function as independent adults.

Inability to talk about feelings (alexithymia): difficulty in identifying, understanding and communicating one's own feelings and emotional aspects of social interactions. It is sometimes described as a sense of emotional numbness or pervasive feelings of emptiness. It is evidenced by intellectualized or avoidant responses to emotion-related questions, by overly externally oriented thinking and by reduced emotional expression, both verbal and nonverbal.

Emptiness: an impoverished relationship with our internal selves which goes along with a general sense that life is pointless or meaningless.

[betweenthescarletmoon]

Something i adore about scenes from a marriage (2021), whether or not the theme was present in the original, is the presence and effects of childhood emotional neglect in the main characters.

From the first episode, you can feel it. There's so much love and care yet so much disconnect and misunderstanding between Jonathan and Mira. They suppress themselves, they discredit their needs to prioritize the other's, they promise they're fine when their eyes scream otherwise.

Episode two shows how Mira felt dead and numb with Jonathan, how she felt like she couldn't breathe with him. And the fact that they never, ever, ever talked about how the abortion destroyed them... Jonathan watches porn and eats alone at night, only for his face to light up like a lighthouse when Mira returned (because he felt so lonely, but he never told her that). How Mira felt so much bitterness and resentment for him, stuck in loneliness herself, but lost her self-assertion and security (or never had it) and chose to never tell him the truth. The way she was finally facing so many emotions (guilt, regret, rage, sorrow, fear) she probably never allowed herself to feel before (perhaps since childhood), so it was too overwhelming and painful for her to do so. The way he abraded his face before tears would spill, and shut down and forgave and comforted instead of feeling, until the repressed boiling stress and agony caused an asthma attack.

Episode three was all Mira trying to feel some familiarity and security now that she was finding none anywhere, using a Jonathan who holds no boundaries, who apologizes for trying to assert his need to heal, his right to consent or deny sex. Mira, who cannot handle true emotional intimacy, because it scares her, so when Jonathan is finally learning to open up emotionally for the first time in his life, exactly about the emotional neglect that traumatized him, she tries to make it physical and sensual to escape that terrifying new level of trust. The need in Mira to diminish the relationship they had, the need in Jonathan to begin detaching himself from all future relationships just like Mira does. This is the beginning of the rot that takes place in both of them, because if you don't tend to what's inside how can it stay alive? It is our job to take care, heal, and maintain what our parents failed to care, raise, and love unconditionally. Jonathan is trying with therapy, while Mira is not. Later we see the roles switch.

In episode four we witness them at their worst. Wildly violent and impulsive in sexual, physical, and verbal dimensions, no matter the repercussions and the wellbeing of the other. And yet, Jonathan is more self-aware than ever. He asserts himself, he stands up for himself, he fights her insults, he tries to communicate, and finally, he extricates himself from the situation (until a desperate, emotionally breaking down, hopeless Mira stops him). Mira, without space or will to face what is within, is instinctively running to Jonathan without thought or care towards him or even herself. It is deeply toxic because she can't be alone with her hurt, can't bring herself to process all this grief. This is what primarily tears them apart the way they did that night.

And in the finale, we see Mira finally able to do just what she couldn't last episode. And devastatingly, we see Jonathan become the empty shell we saw in Mira in episode three. When you choose to perceive the world as untrustworthy, as unable to see you for who you are, as unconditionally vicious and neglectful and cruel, no amount of therapy or self-awarenes will change that will to see the world like this. His choice in detaching and numbing himself, relying on cognitive dissonance about freedom and morality, is his choice to emotionally neglect his new wife and child (as well as Ava, as well as himself). And the beauty, the absolute beauty of episode five, despite how messed up and horrid it is for them to be having this affair, is that Mira was emotionally present for him. She listened to him for the first time in four episodes. She expressed her sorrow for him, her worry. She held him with care and gentleness, and not with an ulterior need. She empathized in his weakest moments, embraced him when that neglected inner child was unleashed in the attic, in the darkness, after that nightmare. And Jonathan knows. He is well aware she is loving him the way he wasn't as a child, and he states exactly how his mother failed to do what Mira is doing now.

In short, educate yourself about CEN. Learn about how your most well-meaning parents could've emotionally failed you. And see for yourself how, untreated and unprocessed, or simply not accepted, that invisible and underestimated trauma can rot people up on the inside. This series portrays wonderfully, painfully, the true poison that is emotional neglect, and the necessity to have emotional maturity and love to heal.

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ twenty-one

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, smut ➻ word count: 7.2k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language, fighting, smut ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

act three ➻ part three  ​​

​​​

“I said keep your leg straight!”

“It is straight,” you counter, huffing through your teeth as Yunho smacks the underside of your calf yet again. It’s probably the fourth time he’s done so in the past twenty minutes, and he tells you to straighten your leg each time even though it’s already perfectly straight.

“You need to get your eyes checked, because that is most definitely not straight.” Yunho pulls away from the bed you’re lying back on, and you let your leg fall back to the mattress so you can sit up and glare at the back of his head.

“You’re the doctor here, so why don’t you check them if you think there’s an issue?”

“Your attitude is the issue here.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be nice to me? Is that any way to talk to your patient?”

“If you did your exercises properly, maybe I would be nicer!” Yunho chastises, coming back to the edge of the bed with arms crossed over his chest. You resist the urge to roll your eyes but fall back to the mattress anyway and start doing the exercises again.

“I am doing them properly,” you grumble. Seonghwa laughs from off to the side. He leans up against the wall, arms crossed like Yunho’s, and in all honesty, you had forgotten that he was standing there all this time. You don’t quite understand why he’s on the ship today; the only thing you were told is that it was per Hongjoong’s request. The captain took Yeosang with him to the city instead of Seonghwa, and San went along again as well. Based on Seonghwa and Yunho’s exchanged whispers that ceased when you came into the medbay, it has something to do with you. You want to ask about it, but Yunho interrupts your train of thought by speaking again.

“I wish Hongjoong would let me off the damn ship for one day. Just one.” He glances over at Seonghwa and plops down on his rolling stool that he’s left near your bed. “I haven’t been back here in years.”

“Can I stop yet?” You interject, a slight whine to your words. Yunho pays you no mind though, so you just continue to do the exercises while he speaks to Seonghwa.

“It’s wintertime on Kebos, which means winter festivals! And snow! When do we ever get to see snow?” Yunho slaps his palms against the bed. You jolt a little, whipping your chin to look at him. “Do you remember me telling you about it, Y/N?”

“W-What?”

“The winter festivals on Kebos?”

“I – no, I don’t remember us ever having that conversation.”

Yunho sighs and sits up straight again. He leans forward to tap your knee. For a moment, you think he’s going to tell you to do the exercises properly again, so you prepare to smack him, but he doesn’t.

“That’s enough for today. I can’t wear you out too much before you go spar.”

“Thank goodness,” you mutter, falling back to the mattress with a deep heave.

“Okay, but back to the festival thing – we’re near the capital Reinig. Literally at the town right outside Reinig. I could take a day trip to the city to see the festival! But no, no, no. Not allowed. The healer has to stay on the ship even when there’s no one to heal!” Yunho waves his hand through the air before bringing it to his pale locks. Seonghwa offers a smile that’s filled with fondness. His arms fall away from his chest, and he blinks over at you for a few seconds then turns back to Yunho.

“Maybe Hongjoong can slow down for a day,” Seonghwa suggests. “Let everyone have some time for themselves to do… anything they want to do. That way you could go to the festival. Maybe you could bring Wooyoung along? You’d have to take Yeosang as well, but that might not be so bad.”

“Hm, that would be nice.” Yunho hums and thumbs over his chin as he considers Seonghwa’s offer. “Wooyoung doesn’t get to see many nice or relaxing things, so the festival might be a good opportunity for him to take a step back. Yeosang is just – well, he’s Yeosang. He hates everything.”

Seonghwa releases a loud snort. “You’ve never been more accurate.”

“If we did that, I would want to bring you along, Y/N.” You snap your chin back towards Yunho, eyes narrowing in a second. You don’t want to shoot the idea down, but Yunho is well aware of your desire to stay on the ship where it is safe and sound. Away from the military and the idea of being in such a dangerous sector of the universe. Out the corner of your eye, you spot Seonghwa opening his mouth as well, and he seems ready to refuse the suggestion for you. Yunho lifts a hand to stop him before he can talk. “Listen to what I have to say as the healer of this crew. One way to confront emotional and mental trauma is through trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy. You know what that is?”

You blink away from Yunho, lips parted and expression contorted in a confused manner. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament, and when you lock gazes, he shrugs a little.

“Yeah, of course, we don’t, Yunho. You’re the doctor here.”

“It’s like talking to two brick walls, I swear.”

“Are we at least good-looking brick walls?” You tease with a cheeky grin.

“No comment, you little shit.” Yunho jabs his index finger at your face, so you take that answer as a ‘yes’ and pull yourself into a sitting position with a more pleased smile now. “Anyway, the process involves gradually exposing yourself to feelings and situations that remind you of a trauma and replacing distorted and irrational thoughts about the experience with a more balanced picture. So the idea is to expose you to a place that brings you discomfort and is tied to bad memories. Once exposed, we would try to replace those emotions with good ones and reshape your perception of the place, while breaking down some of the trauma you’ve faced. Overcome trauma, alleviate some of your pain and distress, and have a good time. Make sense now?”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Seonghwa nods, eyes trailing over your form.

“Okay, so now you see why I want you to come with. As much as I want you to come with though, I want you to make the final decision. If Hongjoong allows it, that is.” Yunho’s gaze returns to Seonghwa, and he looks up at the lieutenant with a hopeful gleam in his dark eyes. Seonghwa shakes his head ever so slightly, but his smile persists even as he pushes away from the wall and walks closer to where Yunho is sitting. He punches the healer’s arm, swing light, and Yunho laughs in response.

“It’s up to Hongjoong and Y/N then.”

“Perfect!” Yunho grins. It quickly dissolves as he begins to make shooing motions towards Seonghwa. “Go wait in the hall for a few minutes now. I gotta ask some private doctor questions that you don’t need to be around for.”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes but steps closer to the door. He stops to look back at you, a slight smile playing at his lips. “Yell if he starts acting weird.”

“Oh, quit it! Get out before I smack you.” Seonghwa has to dodge Yunho’s weakly swung arm, but he doesn’t get away completely unscathed as he runs into the doorframe on his way out, and you have to stifle your laughter along with Yunho until he’s completely gone. “Okay, okay,” Yunho exhales through a chuckle. “Now that we have some privacy let’s talk about how you’ve been mentally and emotionally. How are you sleeping? Flashbacks, nightmares, anything like that?”

“No,” you utter without thinking twice, and Yunho blinks back in surprise. You hesitate before correcting yourself. He’s told you already that you don’t need to be embarrassed about things not working or going well, that it’s part of the process, and there will be slip-ups along the way, but it still feels like you’ve failed in some way. Your old squad from the military – predominantly Jisung – has been haunting your dreams and intruding on your thoughts without rest. Even Yunho’s medications do nothing to cease their presence. Yet whenever one comes along, you can’t push it out or ignore it, which is probably what you should be doing. You just let yourself slip into the memories and be consumed by them. The only relief you get is when you talk to someone because that provides an ample amount of distraction for a while.

“Y/N?” Yunho snaps his fingers in front of your face. You shake your head a little and look him in the eye. “You spaced out on me. All good?”

“Y-Yeah, um, the medications aren’t working,” you admit. Yunho’s lips press into a delicate frown, but he doesn’t seem surprised at all by the information. “I haven’t been sleeping well, and it’s hard to get rest when I do sleep. I just… constantly have nightmares of my time in the military. Some flashbacks during the day as well.” Yunho nods at your words, then he hums to himself for a moment.

“Is that the only thing you’ve been struggling with?” He asks next.

“I mean, talking to San helped clear the air a lot about t-that whole issue. Not completely. Something still feels off and wrong, but thinking about it doesn’t make me as afraid as it used to.”

“That’s really good, Y/N. Even small steps are progress. I’m glad to hear it. As for sleeping issues, I can adjust your dosage and have the new medicine ready by tonight. We can test it out and see how well it works. Not a permanent solution, but something for now.”

“Okay, yeah, we can do that.”

“Now concerning your memories of the military… where do you think that’s coming from? Has it started since we entered Aurum, or is it something else? Is Kebos a source of trauma for you as well?” Yunho has that all too familiar tablet in his hands, and you resist the urge to clam up and panic at the thought of him having all your weaknesses written down in it.

“Um, no, Kebos isn’t.”

“I want to move back to Kebos once I retire from the military.”

You can’t keep the memory from slipping through. Your jaw stutters as you try to recover from the sudden lapse in speech, and if Yunho notices, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he settles for patiently waiting for you to continue your thought.

“It’s j-just Aurum. Uh, sorry, it’s Eros. The idea of being near Eros stresses me out. Makes me remember my time in the military and the things I experienced while there.” You look up to the ceiling as to avoid Yunho’s piercing gaze. The heat of his stare lingers on you. Silence envelops the air between you for what feels like hours. Then, Yunho pipes up again with another question.

“What is your earliest memory, Y/N?”

“My – my what?” You stammer. The question is random, the last thing you were expecting for him to ask, but Yunho just repeats himself without seeing the oddness of his inquiry.

“Your earliest memory. As far as you can remember.”

“I, um, I don’t really know,” you trail off, shaking your head a bit as you speak. It’s all honesty on your part for once, because you truly don’t recall much about your childhood or life before the military. Everything is hazy as though there is a film over your vision up until the moment you joined the military. “I remember… voices and, uh, people telling me things while growing up, but I can’t picture it or see it in my mind. I don’t know who the people talking are, I just hear their voices. Occasionally I think I remember an old man from my childhood, but he seems to be more of an extension of my dreams. I only see him there but have no memories of him. The earliest thing I remember is joining the military.”

Yunho’s hand hesitates over the tablet. “How old were you when you joined?”

“Around fourteen.”

“Ah…” Yunho’s voice dies almost immediately, expression crumbling a little. “Fourteen.” You don’t want to look at him, but you can hear what sounds like pity in his voice. “Do you remember anything at all about the first fourteen years of your life?”

“I have vague recollections of water. Flowing water and crashing waves and foggy skies. But I really can’t remember more than that,” you say after a slight pause.

“That’s strange,” Yunho mutters back. “No recollection of the first fourteen years of your life. How old are you again?”

“U-Uh, twenty-one.”

“So, two-thirds of your life are empty memories.”

“I’ve never really thought too much about it. Figured that what I went through in the military was enough to block it out.”

“Hm, I suppose that’s a possibility. Do you any happy or – or fond memories? A person or a place that brings you joy?”

Bright eyes and a round smile come to mind in an instant. It isn’t just Jisung this time though; everyone in your unit makes an appearance at the forefront of your mind. The oldest of your group, Hyunwoo, with his broad shoulders and towering persona that always felt so intimidating despite how harmless he was with you all. Jisung’s closest friend, Juyeon, with his dark blue hair and clear laugh that was always resounding through every room he stepped through. Soojin, the only other girl on the squad, as deadly as she was charming and beautiful. And Ash, barely older than you – maybe only a few weeks older at best – who always looked up to Jisung like he held the universe in his hands. If the universe was your ragtag group of neglected recruits, then perhaps Jisung did hold it in his hands. At one time, each and every single one of them brought you joy and happiness. Made you feel warm, comforted, and wanted.

How did it all end so badly?

You can only feel cold and desolate as you think about them now. Guilt eats away at your gut, and you frantically try to push the memories aside before it consumes you and sends you into a frenzy.

“N-No,” you rush to answer Yunho’s initial question. “No, none at all.”

A frown paints his lips, one that is painful to look at, so again, you avoid his face in favor of looking at the ceiling.

“Well, I want to try to make some happy memories for you then. And maybe show you that you have people here now who can bring you joy and comfort. Hopefully, Hongjoong will let us go down to Reinig for a day in the very least.” A sigh passes through Yunho’s lips, then the sound of him tapping away at his tablet resounds shortly after. “You’re free to go spar with Seonghwa now.”

“Thanks,” you mutter, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and getting to your feet. Yunho stops you before you move for the door though. He latches a hand around your wrist and blinks up at you all of a sudden.

“You’re doing well with the physical therapy, Y/N. Staying on top of it and putting in effort. I can tell you’re taking it seriously this time, and I’m proud of you for that. Not just as your doctor, but as a friend too. You’re doing well.”

The words shouldn’t hit you as hard as they do. You manage a weak nod and shaky smile, then step around Yunho’s chair to step through the door. His words linger like a bad taste on your tongue. You can’t tell whether they make you feel good or not; there was almost an ulterior meaning to what he said that causes your gut to twist and coil. Pushing out of the medbay, you heave a deep sigh and find Seonghwa standing just outside the door. He’s leaned up against the wall, arms back over his chest, and the second he sees you, he pushes himself into an upright position.

“Are you still up for some sparring?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” you mutter. Falling into step beside him, you press your hands against your sides, nails digging into your palms. Thinking about the squad was a bad idea, because now you can’t get them out of your mind. Jisung alone was bad enough, but you know where this train of thought is headed, and it’s going to take you straight to those tall brick walls and public execution again. The broad shoulders of the man under a black hood with chains around his wrists.

“You’re getting closer with Jongho and Wooyoung,” Seonghwa cuts through your impeding thoughts with his clear tone, almost sensing your sudden distress and pushing it to the side like it’s nothing. “I’m glad to see it.”

“If this is an attempt at small talk, you’re awful at it,” you tease. Seonghwa huffs a laugh through his nose and shakes his head, but he obviously isn’t too bothered by your comment. “But yes, I am. They don’t ask questions incessantly like some people do.”

“Is that a dig at me?” Seonghwa scoffs, clutching his chest as though offended.

“That’s for you to figure out, pretty boy.”

“It’s also nice to see that you haven’t forgotten your little nickname for me, princess.” Seonghwa rolls his eyes a little, punching at the keypad outside the training room. You smile in response. The memories of Jisung and your old squad are slowly fading away and leaving you with a new sense of peace, at least for the time being. “Do you need to warm up?”

“I’ll just do some stretches,” you answer, moving for the mat while Seonghwa heads for the cabinets to retrieve the tape as he always does. You plop down on the mat, a small oof leaving you. “By the way, how did things go yesterday?”

Seonghwa glances back at you, rifling through the cabinet, and he doesn’t answer right away. You keep your eyes on him while you stretch. His movements are languid even as he wraps the tape around his wrists and hands.

“Everything went well,” he says at last, coming to join you on the mat. He lingers at the edge and tosses the tape onto your lap before starting to stretch a bit himself. “Not much progress yet, but Hongjoong thinks it will take upwards of a week to take care of everything. He has to meet with several other captains of pirate crews while here – discuss business over the inventory in the cargo hold as well as figure out positions of military ships and units, those sorts of things. I’ll be joining him again tomorrow as we have some treaties to negotiate with a couple of crews concerning free travel. It isn’t free to fly around after all. We need to restock some basic necessities too. Food, drink, medical supplies, clothes. Hongjoong will be looking into bringing on some new crew members as well. And of course – Siren hunting.”

You exhale a huff. “He’s a busy man. I’m surprised. I figured he just didn’t give a flying fuck about anything other than Sirens.” Grabbing the tape from your lap, you pull yourself into a sitting position then start to wrap the material around your hands like Seonghwa did. He smiles at your words.

“Hongjoong takes care of many things and manages a lot as the captain. It may not seem like it at times because of his focus on Sirens, but he’s not a captain for nothing.”

You pull yourself up to your feet once you finish wrapping your wrists, not bothering to respond to Seonghwa’s comment, and kick your shoes off the side of the mat.

“Let’s go, pretty boy,” you tease, falling into an offensive stance. Seonghwa’s lips quirk further up as he mimics your position, his own shoes thrown off to the side as well.

“Someone is more confident than usual.”

You answer with a swift kick swung into Seonghwa’s side, and he’s caught off-guard by your haste and power. He rolls out of the way before you can hit him, a quiet laugh leaving his lips as he dodges you. Your moves are more confident and powerful, but only because of Yunho’s incessant urgings that you do your physical therapy and exercises so often. You haven’t sparred with Seonghwa in around a week; Jongho has been taking his place in recent days. Seonghwa would kill you if you said it out loud, but Jongho is a much harder opponent.

“You’re getting your strength back, I see.” Seonghwa catches your next swing, twisting you around, and you have to hook a foot around his ankle to maintain your balance. “Give it a few weeks and you’ll be better than ever.”

“You haven’t seen the half of it yet,” you laugh as you pull your arm out of his tightening grip. You slide back across the mat to put some more distance between the two of you, gaging his movements carefully.

“Oh, then I’d love to see the full thing.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, pretty boy.” He steps left, more weight on his left foot than his right. “You’ll lose your footing if you do.” You lunge forward and throw your right foot into his. The impact, along with his unbalanced weight, causes him to stumble backward. He nearly tumbles to the ground but catches himself at the last second.

“How about we make it a competition then?” He asks through a clear laugh. “Two of three falls. Five seconds down, just like we did during our first spar.”

You stand up straight and tap at your chin. “There’s no incentive for me to win.”

“Maybe I’ll let you pin me down if you win. Last time you tried it was cute.”

You roll your eyes at his cheeky comment. If it’s an effort to get you riled up and agree to the challenge, then it works quite well because now you really want to plant his ass on the mat and win. Thus, you drop your hands to your hips and tilt your head at the man across from you.

“Okay, if I win then… you get to clean up dinner dishes all by yourself. I normally do it with either Jongho or Wooyoung, and we get no help from anyone else. So, you deserve to do it alone for once. For fairness. You should know what it feels like. And it would be awfully amusing to see the Lieutenant of Death doing dishes.”

Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in response to your terms. “It’s a good thing that I am going to win then.”

“What do you want if you win?” He doesn’t answer right away; instead, he tilts his head from side to side a few times before letting his sharp gaze settle back on you.

“You’ll find out when I win.”

“You’re too cocky.”

Seonghwa takes the aggressive stance you had before, and he barely lets you finish speaking before he’s crossing the mat. You swing your arms up to block the oncoming attack. Despite the intensity in his moves, they are still quite simple and easy to read. You slip out of his way time and time again, but in your haste, you neglect to watch his feet. Seonghwa slides a foot between yours right as he swings a jab at your hip. You try to sidestep to avoid the attack, and your foot catches on his. The impact sends you to the ground, Seonghwa goes down with you, and a second later, you find yourself pinned to the mat. Seonghwa leans over you, a cocky smirk painting his lips. You struggle against his grip, but he’s too strong for you to escape in this awkward position.

“Five seconds. One for me. Zero for you.”

Seonghwa rolls off of you and gets to his feet. You stay down, however, pushing yourself up onto your elbows, and glare up at him. He extends a hand towards you, which you nearly take, but at the last second, you get an idea and shift your weight on the mat. Taking his hand, you wait for him to shift all his weight into his forward leg then yank hard. He stumbles and almost lands on top of you. You duck out of the way just before he hits you. Your grip on his hand persists, and you twist his arm behind his back and swing a leg over his back. Without the use of both arms, you have Seonghwa successfully pinned to the mat, your weight keeping him down with ease. Seonghwa manages to huff out a laugh as you bend at the waist to taunt him.

“That’s five seconds,” you whisper close to the shell of his ear. Releasing his wrists, you sit back and climb off Seonghwa’s body to let him get up properly. Before you have the chance to get to your feet, a sudden force hits you square in the chest, and you fall back to the mat. “Fuck.” Seonghwa’s weight is back on you a moment later. His knees press against your hips so hard that you can’t even try to wiggle out of the hold, and he keeps your wrists planted firmly on the mat.

“You were saying?”

“That’s a cheap trick, Park Seonghwa.”

“You played that card first, princess.”

“I’m at a disadvantage.”

“How so? Because you’re a girl? Weaker than me? No. You aren’t at a disadvantage because we’re equals in the ring and outside the ring. It’s only fair that I treat you as my equal no matter what.”

Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath. Seonghwa knocked most of the air out of your lungs when he sent you down to the mat again, but you’re also a bit worked up from the exercise. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament; sweat drips down the side of his face, a few stray drops hitting the mat near your head. Your body reacts before your mind does, but you blame the close proximity and intimate fighting for how you’re feeling.

“But anyway… I won, princess.”

“What do you want then?” Seonghwa dips his chin to his chest, a small laugh reverberating before he looks back into your eyes.

“I want no one else to be on the ship right now because I would love to fuck you into the mat.” You choke on your saliva, teeth clattering as you snap your lips together. The boldness of his words is shocking enough, but what he actually said has you getting flustered within a second. “But, I suppose I can settle for a kiss instead.”

“Y-You – you can’t just… say stuff like that,” you stammer, blinking away from his face. His gaze persists though, and even out the corner of your eye, you can see the way his stare lingers on your lips.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” The question is whispered, but it sounds so loud in your ears. You bring your chin forward again and look Seonghwa in the eye. He doesn’t move, watching and waiting for a sign of approval or denial from you.

“Please,” you whisper back. Seonghwa closes the already minimal distance between your lips. They’re just as soft as you remember them to be, but there’s a bit more hunger when he kisses you this time. He doesn’t let the touch stay sweet and innocent for long, tongue swiping over your bottom lip. A small whine slips through as you part your lips for him, and his tongue meets yours in a sudden clash for dominance. He hums against you, the grip on your wrists tightening ever so slightly, and you lean into his touch without second thought. His lips leave yours too soon for your liking. “W-We – we shouldn’t do th-this here.”

Seonghwa’s eyes drag over your face as he nods. “My room is closer than yours.” Again he hesitates, waiting for you to give some sort of response, and he alleviates the pressure on your wrists to sit back on his heels.

“Hurry up and take me there then before we get caught.” That’s all the permission Seonghwa needs. His hands dart down to your thighs, pulling them around his waist, and you let him hoist you up. He’s stronger than he looks, you have to give him that because the lithe form and lean muscles do not look like he should be able to lift you and stand up with the added weight with such ease. He manages to do it without batting an eye. “What if someone is in the corridor?” You ask under your breath, bringing a finger up to trace over his rosy lips.

“Do you want me to put you down already?”

“Not really but – but you probably should just to be safe.” Seonghwa’s lips twitch into a smile, and he helps you untangle from around his waist.

“Lead the way then, princess.” His smile is teasing as you turn towards the door. Then, the flat of his hand comes down on your ass, and you gasp, whipping your head back towards him. “You don’t know where my room is though, so I’ll take the lead.”

“I hate you,” you grumble, cheeks burning with embarrassment as he steps past you and leads the way out of the training room.

“Say that after I fuck you into the mattress.” The comment has you choking on your spit again, and you nearly trip over the threshold of the door. The walk to his room is both brief and awkward. He walks a little ways in front of you, and even though you’re trying to avoid looking suspicious, you think that your motives are quite obvious. Especially as you reach his room and he taps at the keypad to open the door. You follow his steps as closely as you can without stepping on his heels. Once you’re both in his room, the air of awkwardness is dispelled. His hand finds the back of your neck, the other traveling to your hip, and he pushes you back against the cool metal door. You meet him halfway, lips crashing together in a mess of skin and teeth.

He kisses you with a bruising force, hands slipping away to press against the door instead. You hum against him and loop your own hands around his back to pull him flush against your body. Both of your movements are frantic and rushed, a stark difference compared to last time’s slow ministrations. You fumble for the hem of his shirt, trying and failing to grab at it. Seonghwa pulls back from your lips and gasps for air. He simultaneously yanks his shirt up and off his body. The only noise you can make in response is a startled moan, then his hands return to your body, grabbing the hem of your shirt. Your hands move by instinct to cover his and stop him from pulling it off of you.

“We can stop if you want,” Seonghwa whispers. His forehead falls against yours, and you could cry at the gentleness of his tone and actions. Instead, you shake your head slowly.

“N-No, I don’t want to stop. I… I want you,” you reply, voice equally as quiet. You know you should talk this through with him first, especially after the first time you had sex, but you’ve already made up your mind about this. Something about Seonghwa makes you trust him, and his visual and sexual appeal is very tangible. Still, you aren’t much of the type to go for one-night stands or quick fucks. With Seonghwa, it feels different from a one night stand, as though there is some sort of connection between the two of you that spurs you to do this. His lips brush against yours as his hands find yours. Your fingers intertwine, the kiss growing deeper and deeper by the second.

Seonghwa doesn’t say anything else; he stumbles back to pull you towards the bed. He falls to the mattress when his knees hit the edge. You bring your legs up to the bed, straddling his lap without breaking the soft kiss. You pull your hands away from his to grab at the edge of your shirt, and Seonghwa sits back to look at you fondly as you peel the material off your sweat-slick skin. There is a sudden shyness to your movements, and Seonghwa picks up on it in an instant. He brings his hands to your bare sides, tracing small circles against the skin as a form of encouragement. You swallow around nothing and reach around your back to peel the band around your chest off as well.

Seonghwa’s gaze never wavers, eyes peering so intently into yours that your breath hitches a little. It’s only when you drop the band to the floor that he moves, and his lips find yours in an instant. The pads of his fingers trail goosebumps along your skin as he drags them upwards. You gasp into his mouth when his thumbs ghost over your perked nipples, and he pinches them lightly. He pinches them again with a bit more force, causing you to throw your head back and release a throaty moan that’s far too loud. Seonghwa takes it as an opportunity to let his lips trail down to your neck. He sucks softly at the skin, and you know that he’s leaving marks as he goes lower and lower, but you can’t find it in you to care.

The bulge in his pants is pressing hard against the inside of his thigh, straining painfully against the fabric around it, and you stretch a hesitant hand down to palm him through his pants. Seonghwa moans around your nipple, lips parting around the skin. The noise spurs you on, and you hasten your movements to press hard against his concealed member. It’s enough to cause Seonghwa to shift, and he suddenly gets to his feet with you still wrapped around him. He twists in and instant and places you flat on your back against the bed as gently as he can.

When he stands up straight, you whine at the loss of contact and warmth, but you understand why a moment later because he fiddles with the button of his pants. You mimic his movements and tug at your own pants. Seonghwa grabs your ankles before you can fully get them off though. His pants are gone and forgotten on the floor, and he focuses all his attention on you, slowly pulling the material off to completely expose you to him. He moves to kneel on the bed, but you extend a hand and press it against his hip, a sudden boldness to your actions.

“C-Can I… can I suck you off?” You ask, tone so quiet you can barely hear yourself over the sound of your racing heart. Seonghwa’s jaw stutters a little, but he nods nonetheless and lets you guide him back into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He groans as you slip off the mattress and between his legs. One hand trails over your forehead and brushes a few loose strands of hair out of the way. Now that you’re face to face with his member, you’re doubting yourself. You don’t do this often for obvious reasons; in fact, you think this might be only the second or third time to do this. Seonghwa keeps brushing over your skin with such gentle and soft touches that it pushes the insecurities to the side for the time being. You reach up to grip his member at the base then lean in to lick a long stripe up his cock.

A hiss leaves Seonghwa at the contact, and you repeat the motion once more before hesitating over his tip. You quickly blink up at him with fluttering lashes. His cheeks are already flushed, and sweat glistens on his skin. Still, his gaze is gentle on you, and you maintain that sweet eye contact as you begin to take his cock into your mouth. Seonghwa breaks the eye contact as your wet heat sinks down further. He throws his head back with a shaky groan, hand falling away from your head to grip the edge of the mattress tight. You hasten your bobs along his cock. His reaction spurs you along, the pretty string of moans escaping him like music to your ears. His hips twitch and jerk, but you can tell he’s holding back and trying to keep from fucking up into your mouth.

“H-Hold on, hold on, princess,” he stammers out, one hand returning to brush through your hair. You pull off him with a lewd pop and curious eyes. “I don’t wanna cum yet.”

“Oh,” you exhale and let your hand fall away from his hard cock. Seonghwa brings his fingers to your chin. You lean into the soft touch and bring yourself up again, Seonghwa’s hands guiding you to straddle his lap once more. Your lips brush over his, hot breath fanning your face as he exhales.

“Do you need me to prep you?” He whispers.

“I j-just want you to fuck me, please,” you plead and drape your arms over the man’s shoulders. He nods against you then reaches a hand down between your hips. You instinctively tighten your grip on him as he guides his cock to your entrance. Your gut coils a little when he pushes against you, but you do your best to relax your muscles to make it easier for the both of you.

“Relax, princess,” Seonghwa murmurs. His lips ghost over the shell of your ear before traveling lower to nip at the sensitive spot on your neck. He sinks further into you when your body relaxes around him. He bottoms out a moment later, and a breathy whine leaves you. “I’ve got you, princess. You’re okay.”

There’s so much warmth in his tone, the fire of his presence consuming you, and you shift your hips to bring him deeper in you.

“Fuck me, please.”

Seonghwa attaches his lips to your neck again, hands guiding your hips up and down along his cock. You try to help him a bit by bouncing a little on him, but the sensation of him being so deep in you is enough to have you slumping against his body like jelly after a minute. He doesn’t seem to mind one bit though; he just continues to nip and kiss your neck. Every once and a while, he’ll whisper soft praises against your skin. Each word sends shivers down your spine, and you clench around him at the sound of the praise.

You know you won’t last long like this, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem to be in a better predicament as he was already close before fucking you. You reach around the back of his head to tug at his hair. He pulls off your neck at the touch and looks you in the eye, brows furrowed in concentration as he continues to thrust into you. Your words die in your throat when you meet his gaze. Instead of speaking, you just lean in and press your lips to his. The gentle touch and soft prodding of his tongue against yours sends an orgasm crashing over you. You whine into his mouth, and Seonghwa just eats the sound up, thrusting into you only two more times before he cums as well. Your muscles fail you in that moment, but you cling to Seonghwa like he’s the only thing you have and ride out your orgasm with him. His lips are on your ear again, whispering and muttering sweet praises, but you can’t hear them through your pleasure.

You don’t know how long the two of you remain like that, clinging to each other and sucking in deep breaths of air with foreheads pressed together. The haze finally passes though, and you can hear his words clearly again.

“Do you want a shower?” Seonghwa asks, chest heaving from the exertion. You’re too fucked out to think straight, let alone speak, so you can only manage a few nods. “Am I going to need to carry you over there too?”

His teasing remark gives you just enough energy to slap his bicep. He tightens his arms around you and lifts you with ease though, and you settle into his touch as he carries you to the bathroom. You have to reassure him multiple times that’s you’ll be fine showering on your own, but he eventually lets you be and shuts the door to the bathroom to give you a bit of privacy. You don’t take too much time showering, only enough to get the rest of his cum out of you and wash the sweat off your body. Seonghwa left an impressive trail of marks from your collarbone down to your right hip. They vary in shade and color, but are quite visible nonetheless. A slight laugh escapes you as you trail a finger over them, then you shut the water off and step out to grab a towel from the rack. Only once you’ve fully dried off do you realize that he brought in a shirt and pants for you. They’re far too big for you, but it’ll do for the time being or at least until you get back to your own room later.

That might be much later than you anticipated, however, because when you step back into Seonghwa’s bedroom, you’re greeted by a sight that has you so stunned that you choke on air. The man – the supposed Elitist at that – has his back to you, and he’s pulling a shirt over his head when you step out. It gives you just enough time to trail your eyes over his bare back and spot a column of black tattoos lining his spine. Directly between his shoulder blades resides an insignia of flames. Aside from that, each and every tattoo is identical to the ones that decorate your own back.

“Holy fuck, no way–” Your voice fails you at the last second, but it’s loud enough for Seonghwa to hear you. He whips around, tugging the shirt all the way down as he looks back at you with wide eyes. “Y-You’re – you – holy shit, y-you’re–”

Seonghwa cuts you off, which is probably a good thing because you can’t come up with a coherent thought anyway.

“A Siren. Just like you.”

✧✧✧ a/n: okay okay OKAY i did it im 5 minutes late but i DID it jfc i didn’t expect it to be so long ;-; but in any case i hope you guys enjoy let me know what you think of this chapter it isn’t my best work but aslkdfjlkdsjf i tried and it’s crucial to the story ;-; so yeehaw woo i would love to hear your thoughts on this one!

if you would like to, you can take the survey here! you can take it at any point or again if you wanna or you’ve changed your mind, it’s up to you really laskdfjlkdf 

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[constant-eggs]

Here are my thoughts on why Kara waited so long to tell Lena that she is Supergirl.

I know that Kara gave a lot of reasons, I think they were all partially true. The most consistent reason seems well intentioned enough: that it was to protect Lena. This is the one Lena ends up ultimately accepting. But it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Between Lena’s own enemies trying to assassinate her, and working closely with Alex and Kara as Supergirl, Lena’s life is always in jeopardy. In the 100th episode, the writers try to double down on this narrative when Kara tells Lena right at the beginning, she is kidnapped, Kara reveals her identity, and then all of the Superfriends die. Again, this doesn’t make much sense. It’s a possibility, of course, that Lena would be kidnapped and ransomed, but James and Winn were similarly vulnerable knowing Kara’s secret early on. They were lower profile than Lena, yes but they were also at that point less adept at saving themselves, as Lena has shown herself to be time and again. Also, had Lena known about Supergirl sooner, she could have gotten a watch to call Kara. If anything, Lena was in more jeapardy not knowing Kara’s identity.

Kara’s other go-to reason was that Lena was distrustful of Supergirl and loved Kara, so Kara wanted to separate the two parts of herself so she wouldn’t lose her best friend. This reason feels a little closer to the mark. As Supergirl, Kara was suspicious of Lena making Kryptonite and inadvertently put her in the villainous Luthor role. When I initially watched the scenes it gave me whiplash how Kara spoke to Lena as Supergirl vs. out of the suit. This isn’t a condemnation of Kara, it seems like in order to stay sane that Kara has had to compartmentalize her “Supergirl ego” and her “Kara” one. But then of course once Kara tells Lena who she is, Lena is baffled by the cognitive dissonance of Supergirl and Kara actually being the same person. She understandably fears that Kara saw her as a villain all along.

The other two major reasons Kara gives (one in a deleted scene) were that Kara felt like she had waited too long, and that a part of Kara didn’t actually trust Lena afterall. Because the scene was cut, who knows if the latter reason had any truth. But the first reason fits well enough with the others. Kara had good intentions, but time past, lies snowballed, and now the pair were three years into their friendship. And Kara knew that Lena had trust issues and didn’t do well with being lied to.

Here’s what I see as the missing part of the puzzle. Kara didn’t tell Lena because having one person, the person aside from her sister she is closest to, know her as just Kara, was Kara’s tie to feeling normal. Lena the-genius- CEO-Luthor knew Kara as a non-super journalist and loved her anyway. Most importantly though, Lena not knowing Kara had powers meant that Kara got to be vulnerable sometimes...sometimes Lena got to save her. And sure, Kara usually didn’t need it, and logistically would have to figure out how to save them without revealing herself (like landing the plane or stopping Mercy during her faceoff with Lena.) But still, Lena would put herself in front of Kara, take the reigns, and show Kara that she didn’t have to figure out everything on her own. This extends to not just during battles, but emotionally. Lena helped Kara up after altercations when Kara was used to propping herself up. Lena would specifically ask about Kara’s relationships with her other friends, family, and romantic partners, and in those moments Lena would treat those problems with the same level of importance as Lena taking down Lex or whatever issue of the week. Kara though has a tendency to put her “human” issues on the backburner to focus on the greater good, but Lena was her outlet to maintain that humanity, and have those other parts of her life remain priorities.

It’s too bad, because Lena also extended a lot of that grace and kindness to Kara as Supergirl. When one of Lillian’s henchman was harming Kara with Kryptonite, Lena still physically tried to intervene and said not to hurt her. Lena also knew that Supergirl wasn’t harming people (during the Red Daughter saga). There were plenty of other instances that Lena showed compassion for Supergirl and the only way I can wrap my brain around Kara not internalizing them are because Kara needed to maintain that separation for herself. I know that as an audience we’re past all of this now, but it still doesn’t sit entirely right with me that ultimately Lena apologized several times (when Kara made it seem like as long as Lena came back and apologized she would forgive her) but then she wasn’t initially forgiven. It also rubbed me the wrong way that Kara threatened to treat Lena “just like any other villain” even though Kara knew that being perceived as such was Lena’s greatest fear. It unsettled me further that Lena had to perform again and again in the finale. Between helping to save William, building Kara the suit, saving Kara’s life from Andrea etc. Kara said she kept waiting for Lena to let her down. But by that, did she mean by betraying Kara or by not performing and succeeding? (And again I think unintentionally Kara would feel that way.) But that line of dialogue really did leave me wondering because Lena could have done her best, and failed, and still very much have been sorry, but then would Kara have not forgiven her? I’d like to hope she would have, because if not, Lena performing for Kara’s validation isn’t too different than her trying to earn love from Lex and Lillian.

These are just ramblings. I know that Kara did her best, hell she tried to alter the timeline for Lena to salvage their relationship. But ultimately, Kara saw that because those instances failed that the takeaway was that she needed to play tough cop with Lena (and pretty much absolved herself of her own actions in the process) instead of holding onto the nuance of the situation. One of them didn’t have to be entirely right or wrong, and it would have been nice if after Lena’s third apology, if Kara would have said again, and “I’m sorry too. You deserved the truth. I know you’re not a monster.” Or hugged her. Or something. Oh well.

[chemicalpink]

Hey, I hope you are doing good this was a thing that was wondering me so there are lot of bts future spouse /soulmate/twinflame videos being made on youtube and honestly everyone is being psychic like it has become a shitshow and what was previously just for curiosity fun and entertainment are becoming extremely emotionally invested in the topic especially for maknae line soulmate it would be interesting if the can do a tarot reading or your spiritual experience why is the future spouse saga turning ugly and does universe what us to know something through it !? Because it's becoming pretty crazy right now

Okay so I believe that yes, the spiritual part has a lot to do behind this occurrence, but I also think its roots lay on psicosocial matters and honestly I could go on for days about this but I’ll try to restrict it to a few points that you’ve mentioned

Why all of a sudden everyone seems to be tarot readers/astrologers/psychic?

The capitalism behind celebrities and how does that play a part in what is going on?

Are these people accurate at all?

How does energy shifting play a part in this?

Is the soulmate journey even something a third person would be able to note?

But first a Disclaimer: this opinion/rant is based on my experience with spirituality, I am obviously a mere mortal, so I do not hold the absolute truth. Spirituality is a constant learning process and it is open to discussion and interpretation of each person. I am also now a proud sociologist graduate that specialises in a lot of the stuff that has to do with what anon is asking, I’m a social behaviouralist applied to the entertainment industry as well but I’ll also provide my resources in the end.

A/N: Some of you might not yet be ready to read all of this, if I see ANY of you trying to start beef with me, even after the disclaimer, I'm gonna block you. If you want to talk more about it or want to discuss it further, DO SO OFF ANON. ISTG you’ve been warned, I’ve been working on this for the longest time, it even has resources to back all of it up! I’m so glad anon asked, I’m done being diplomatic on this topic (I know people that usually ask stuff are so respectful and i love you guys for it, this note is for those people that regularly jump on my asks to stir things up)

You guys are in for a whole academic article if you decide to read this

SO FUN AND EXCITINGGGG Let us start with behavioural economics as our base to understand the whole phenomenon, it's such a broad and kinda complex concept (especially since I’m trying to extrapolate it to this particular scenario) so let me do my best. It has a lot to do with trend following, although at least to me, it's unclear how exactly this content came to be (soulmate readings, channeling messages, etc) I am guessing it had something to do with an intersectionality between the general spirituality boom that we’ve met with during the pandemic and some person that just as any other marketable opportunity, saw a bridge between fandom life and this spiritual life (both prominent trends in the last two years or so) and honestly, it worked perfectly, whatever their initial intentions were, they threw out a new “product” and it kind of sold itself, two different trends coming together… turned into a behavioural game theory where if you played the part that allows your content to be consumed, you’ll get rewarded for it. In more simple words, tarot meets fandoms (alternatively, tarot meets BTS) is great as it is! but the fan behaviour (which we’ll talk about in a bit) positions the most private parts of the celebrities’ lives to be much more interesting than things that we are already able to see (personal experience, love readings do so much better than idk career readings and it all comes down to behavioural trends of perceiving ‘love’ as something very intimate)

Now, this is where we’ll begin to talk about capitalism as a whole, even in non-monetary systems like social media, where it takes more of a rewarding system via likes, views, reblogs, etc. The whole principle of us living in such a system is being aspirational, we see others profiting off of something, we might want to reach out and do the same so we can profit ourselves, which honestly, I think is what happened with the whole BTS soulmate readings boom, they get a lot of attention, and as a basic market law, as demand goes up and a few people that initially did these readings are no longer capable to satisfy the need of the people wanting to know all the tea, there are market opportunities for other people to do the same thing and increase the offer, although since this whole theory is behavioural, it is very context-dependant, which ends up not following the principle of the consumers being rational about how much and what content they consume, they just sort of consume all of it, regardless of whether the content creator is qualified to offer such content or not, which ultimately only adds onto a never ending cycle of more people claiming they are tarot readers/astrologers/psychics and fear nothing because this is the internet, you don't really have to enter any qualifications to be able to create content, whether someone is reliable in internet terms is basically all about how many likes they’ve got (which is why I always tell you guys to please consume content responsible).

When it comes to accuracy- I guess that’s the hardest part of all, we can’t just have pointers that would automatically tells us if someone’s craft is valid or not, since everyone’s craft is different all craft is valid to a certain extent (you can easily find scammers of course but that’s another story) what we can have are personal standards and deciding what content to consume or whose content to consume, but that’s entirely a personal decision and since so many people are invested in it- it seems really hard that these “market tendencies” might change any time soon. On that same note of accuracy, I really feel the need to talk about a major occurrence I’ve come across in this whole soulmate scene, minors. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a minor and approaching spirituality (I was very much a minor when I started) but there’s a huge difference between just playing around and deciding to create content for the whole world to have access to. Of course I’m aware not all tarot readers in the BTS fandom are minors, and ARMY is very diverse and even if they were only minors it would be wrong to invalidate them, but we can’t ignore the statistics of it when touching this particular topic, according to 2020 data, 50,31% of ARMY are below 18 years old, and 42,59% are between 18-29 but why is this important? because the exact historical and economic moment we are living in mainly impacts these two age groups, thus making all 92,90% of ARMY a potential target to consuming or falling in a behavioural game theory of creating this content without them necessarily being qualified for it. But hey, why do you keep talking about the importance of being qualified? Glad you asked, creating spiritual content all comes down to one amazing term: accountability.

And this will explore two main phases of it, one applicable for that 50,31% that could potentially be drawn to create spiritual content and other for the 42,59% that could potentially be dragged to creating that content without much spiritual knowledge. For the first one, it has a lot to do with cognitive aspects, young people tend to do stuff without much further thought about how their actions impact other people, which, as they should, they are kids, they shouldn’t have to worry too much about emotional responsibility as us adults do, furthermore, they are in life stages where they can’t really comprehend many abstract concepts that we later learn in life, and spirituality is one of those concepts, so they tend to just have fun with it with no regards on how their content might impact other minors (this is where the whole feeding a false scenario that is potentially delusional in exchange of more views, likes comes into play) on a more spiritual level, they also aren’t able to comprehend the boundaries of the celebrities they’re reading for, us readers have to always be careful about the information we give out since it is not ours to give. As for the second group, some of this is still applicable since theorists consider a full cognitive maturity until 23 years of age, but since it is very intersectional itself, i would found it more to a spiritual responsibility, since they are young adults, and if they haven’t been spiritually guided as kids, they’re most probably eager to learn and just awakening yet to some of them the drive to this spirituality is content creation instead of inner work, so they get their hands on a tarot deck, might kind of read a few things, call it a day and start reading for BTS (note: not all of them, I’m aware)

As for the maknae line being the most sought out people with this content, I guess it kinda makes sense now that I’ve said all of the information above, maknae line is closest to the age group of 92,90% of ARMY, so they instantly become more marketable to this content creation and the whole Game Theory that we are seeing. With all that being said, and just adding a note coming from my own spiritual experience, soulmates in any form are a difficult topic for a third person to prode, which is why I, personally, tend to not touch that topic, love is one hell of a concept, especially since we all have different conceptions of love and interpersonal relationships. I do know for a fact that there’s only so far we can go in terms of fated connections, like with astrology, but even then, we would have to know their birth times exactly (so we can check for any indicator or a soulmate connection), and/or compare BTS with the rest of the world’s population in order to accurately tell if someone has a soulmate synastry/overlay/composite with them. Also, soulmate journeys are intimate and we are all just fans, what right do we even have to look for things that do not and will never belong to us?

This is why I’m always telling you guys to PLEASE consume content responsibly! Really! Us content consumers also have our part to play that can help us get more accurate, more drama-free content

REFERENCES (what? you thought I was joking? they’re in alphabetical order)

ARMYCENSUS 2020

Loewenstein, G., O’Donoghue, T., & Rabin, M. (2003). Projection bias in predicting future utility. Quarterly Journal of Economics, 118(4), 1209-1248.

March, J. G. (1978). Bounded rationality, ambiguity, and the engineering of choice. The Bell Journal of Economics, 9(2), 587-608.

Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1991). Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion and motivation Psychological Review, 98, 224-253.

Mazar, N., Amir, O., & Ariely, D. (2008). The dishonesty of honest people: A theory of self-concept maintenance. Journal of Marketing Research, 45(6), 633-644.

Murphy, S. T., & Zajonc, R. B. (1993). Affect, cognition, and awareness: Affective priming with optimal and suboptimal stimulus exposures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 723-729.

Samson, A., & Voyer, B. (2014). Emergency purchasing situations: Implications for consumer decision-making. Journal of Economic Psychology, 44, 21-33.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. New York: Ecco.

Shah, A. K., & Oppenheimer, D. M. (2008). Heuristics made easy: an effort-reduction framework. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 207-222.

Thaler, R. H. (2015). Misbehaving: The making of behavioral economics. Allen Lane.

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Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2009). The habitual consumer. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19, 579-592.

[mbti-notes]

hello! I was wondering if self-esteem has any impact on ego development, and how each type could improve their self-esteem/avoid distorted thoughts that lead to poor self-esteem?

Self-esteem problems hinder ego development. People with very low self-esteem usually get trapped at levels 1-2. If low self-esteem is so severe that it makes you emotionally unstable or unable to function well in daily life, I suggest that you seek professional help and guidance for determining the reasons behind it and the best way to resolve it.

Different types have different reasons for suffering low self-esteem and different paths to improving it. Each person also has their own unique experiences that harmed their self-esteem. Generally speaking, the best way for any person to build self-esteem is to discover and develop their gifts and strengths and put them to good use. To do that, figure out your type and begin the process of cognitive function development in the correct order of the functional stack (as explained in the Type Dev Guide). 

Self-esteem refers to your core beliefs about your capabilities:

Your self-esteem is influenced by your calculations about your value or worth. Examine your core beliefs about yourself, where they came from, what effects they have on you, whether they are correct, and change them as necessary to appraise yourself more fairly and realistically. Core beliefs are very stubborn because they operate unconsciously, thus, many people need the objectivity and help of a therapist to become aware of them and change them. 

Your self-esteem is influenced by the successes and failures that you have encountered during your interactions with the world. People with low self-esteem have a bad habit of beating themselves up for their mistakes and failures, which only serves to damage self-esteem further (i.e. shame issues). Instead of doing that, you should be learning from your mistakes about how to do better. Learning, trying, and doing better gradually with each mistake is the way to increase confidence in your capabilities (i.e. growth approach). To improve one’s skillfulness often requires some formal study and practice to remedy any knowledge deficits.

Self-esteem is a common topic among many types, so also read through past posts via the relevant tags for more detail.

[dear-wormwoods]

How did you come to determine that you were INFP? I'm so stuck between ISFJ and INFP, and although I know they have very different functions, they both just seem quite relatable. Any help or insight would be deeply appreciated, thank you!

Okay, so, basically it was a combination of taking tests and researching cognitive functions. I'm lucky in that my test results were consistent, but I wanted to do some extra reading to be sure. I do find cognitive functions to be super helpful, not just for myself but for character analysis as well!

INFP's cognitive function stack is Fi Ne Si Te. For the dominant function of Introverted Feeling, I have a more internalized moral compass and can express my feelings on my own without needing comfort or affirmation from others. Because I know I base almost all of my decision making on emotion and my feelings really do rule my life, I knew I was a dominant F - I just had to decide which suited me better, introverted or extroverted, and it's definitely Fi. I'm super emotional but I like to deal with my feelings on my own rather than turning to people for help, and when it comes to moral decision making I let my gut guide me instead of outside influences (versus an Fe whose moral compass is heavily influenced by things like religion and laws and who needs to express their emotions to others for the purpose of receiving guidance and validation - like Kyle).

My auxiliary function is Ne. The reason I agree with Ne's place is because I am very much a 'big picture' kind of person and can easily make connections between events and use those connections to analyze people, characters, or historical trends. I feel like this is one of my strongest attributes, but it doesn't rule my life the way my feelings do. When it comes to like, thinking about the future or brainstorming, I can think of all kinds of possibilities... for better or for worse (my anxiety makes me think of all the worst case scenarios, but I'm able to combat that with more positive 'what if's). I don't tend to get stuck on a certain outcome, nor do I have those 'aha' moments an Ni would.

Tertiary Si basically means I'm prone to nostalgia (despite being generally future-oriented due to Ne) and get caught up in fantasy or escapism, or like to revisit old things instead of trying new things (which is why I've been stuck in the same fandoms for so long...). I also really truly suck at learning from my mistakes - in my adolescence and 20's I repeated the same mistakes over and over again in terms of like, pushing people away during depressive episodes, or trying to lost weight and failing for the same reason every time. Now that I'm a little older, I'm starting to actually learn from past experiences like a well-developed Si would. A well-developed Si will also be detail-oriented, and I am not, but I've gotten better with age.

Having inferior Te, for me, means that I struggle at first with being assertive when expressing my thoughts (as opposed to feelings), and logically setting plans into motion. Fi and Te are also kind of in combat with each other - Fi makes me biased and view things really subjectively, which certainly makes me as passionate about things as I tend to be, but Te is that more orderly, objective side of me that can see alternative perspectives. For example, when I was younger I was super critical of anyone who disagreed with me in fandom and like, it would drive me crazy and literally hurt my feelings to be seen as wrong about something as stupid as a headcanon by other people... nowadays, I still have that urge to be right, but I'm better able to distance myself from things emotionally and accept that everyone has their own opinions and ideas. I see that as a way Te is slowly developing over time and Fi is, as a result, less out of control.

So yeah, that's my thought process. It's basically about figuring out what order cognitive functions would go in, because the order matters just as much as the functions themselves do, since they operate differently depending on the slot they're in. I recommend just reading up on the different roles and also to examine the differences between the i's and e's. If you're having trouble deciding between ISFJ and INFP, it seems like you are at least certain that you have Si and Ne... you just need to figure out which one is more developed than the other and how it works its way into your life. As far as deciding between Fe/Fi and Ti/Te goes, you have to ask yourself which one is more internal for you, and which one is more external (they will be the opposite).

BUT, I could also be super wrong about all of this, because I'm not an expert. Others who know cognitive functions better might have a completely different view of me.

[sunidhisharma10]

Reality of  Emotional Abuse and its trauma

TW -- Mentions of Emotional/Psychological abuse, Panic and Anxiety attacks, Depressive Episode, Intrusive and Suicidal thoughts.

I believe that when we talk about things that burdened us we actually liberate ourselves from its pain whilst beginning our healing from it. So here I’m talking about my experience with emotional abuse and how it is as heinous as any form of abuse.

This is going to be a long read as I’m treating this post as an entry of my journal.

It started right before the COVID lockdown in my country. I met him through a mutual friend. In my case we used to talk before but due to some circumstances we lost touch and  later got reintroduced (unfortunately) and we began talking again. He was extremely charming and alarmingly flattering, in the beginning he appeared to me as a kind, gentle soul that has been hurt by the world but god was I wrong ( I’m an empath and during that time I was struggling with major codependency issues). 

First red flag that I totally looked past was when I had period cramps and was writhing in my room; so this guy decided to send me a cake as a “goodwill” to help me with my cramps. What I easily looked past was I never mentioned where I lived to him and yet the cake was waiting at my doorstep. A that time I looked past it because someone has done something really special for me and I was flattered and felt special.So I brushed past it and thanked him enormously.

From their it began, long hours of texting and phone calls, he gave me his undivided attention while flattering me with over the top compliments and basically everything that I craved for; and so my naive self thought that this guy was everything that I needed. So to give him back for his so called kindness I become his confidant, and a person he can rely on. From their it started to change, he was extremely cunning with his ploys of getting me hooked into this relationship. Once I was hooked, he started emotionally dumping on me, basically using me as an emotional punching bag. I ignored all this because in my eyes he was a wounded soul who can be helped with love and acceptance. So I went ahead and ignored all the red flags that came my way. He was slowly gaslighting me and conditioning me into a submissive person. He controlled my every move, asked me where I was, while deliberately isolating me from my family and friends, he had gaslighted me enough that I actually internalized everything he said about me, good and the bad. I made excuses for him when my family and friends warned me against him. He stonewalled me whenever I dared (according to him) showed him some of my original personality. Little by little he conditioned me into this submissive person that took his dumping as his way of showing his love because I thought that he trusted me enough to tell me all this so I felt flattered and deserving of his love. His best way to manipulate me was guilt-tripping me and playing the victim card. He used to aggressively sabotage himself whilst playing the victim card that I had to stop saying anything that might offend him. I was basically walking on eggshells at this point. His way of draining me was something so subtle yet so alarmingly deteriorating that I faced months of physical and mental health issues.

One day he was doing his usual banter of draining my energy; when instead of just listening I advised him to go see a therapist whilst saying that even though I’ll support him endlessly, he has to take action for his own life ( the guy played the victim card on every possible thing!) and these words of mine raged him and he blocked me and gave me the silent treatment.

I was utterly confused, angry,hurt and what not, my cognitive dissonance was over the roof, I had lost myself, became extremely numb and started using self harm to make it make sense. And to find out that where did I went wrong. I apologized to him even when I wasn't at fault, to which he ‘‘accepted’‘ me back.

But by then I knew it in my heart that something was wrong and it isn’t supposed to feel this way and shouldn’t be so painful. So I started googling all this and came across an article which highlighted covert narcissistic/emotional abuse. Everything made sense after that. I was still surviving and was still in contact with him but something has snapped inside of me. A part of me wanted to confront him about everything he did to me but I listened to my intuition and decided against it. That became my breakthrough to leave the relationship. I started distancing myself from him, grey rocking him, basically not engaging with him at all. He still hoovered me for months but I continued with my detachment.

The months after I exited this relationship, I suffered from complex post traumatic stress; I was gaslighted to the point that I started self- gaslighting (yes it’s a thing). I had nightmares, I kept ruminating the past relationship whilst blaming myself and hurting myself in the process, My intrusive thoughts made me blame myself for hurting the person who destroyed me. I blamed myself for distancing from him. Because of this trauma I plunged into a debilitating depressive episode along with panic and anxiety attacks. It got so horrible that I decided to end my life and even wrote a suicide letter but somehow I survived it all. I took help of various life coaches and therapists who helped me out of this impending doom. I started learning my own patterns and become more self aware while validating my pain through it all. I started meditation and mindfulness and gradually with patience, efforts and help I got out of it gratefully; but some things still remain. I’m now very cautious and i do not trust anyone easily. My nervous system still reacts to the trauma I faced but I’ve learned how to soothe it. It has been difficult but I’m constantly healing and going forward. What really helped me was self validation. I validated every agony I faced and refused to fall back in my self gaslighting patterns. It gets exhausting, extremely exhausting, but it is so much better than staying with a person who inflicted this pain on you with no remorse, and whose only goal is to exploit you for their own gain.

To whoever who relates to this, you have my heart and unending support, know that you’re the strongest and I’m extremely proud of you. You can get through this, we’re in this together.

Emotional abuse is real and can happen to literally anyone. And it is so subtle and sneaky that the victim doesn’t even know that they’re being abused. It has same adverse effect like any other form of abuse and blaming the victim without proper education about the topic will only harm and hurt them more along with their already traumatizing experience. Please understand this and let’s be kinder to each other moving forward.

Thank you to anyone who read this, I used this platform to share my story and it has been really liberating for me and I trust that this platform will treat us with kindness and compassion. Let’s heal together. Thank you once again ♡

Love

S