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#because if im real to others then :/ probably means im real to myself too
myriadsystem · 1 month
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#personal#i have doctors appt today with a new doctor its literally not even a real appointment i just need some stupid forms signed#but guys im so stressed im so scared ive already cried once about it today i just. i fucking hate doctors so so much#theyre all so bad. im not in the mood to be dismissed again today and its 15 goddamn degrees so everything feels bigger and worse than it is#if they dont sign the form i dont get paid any more and if i dont get paid i cant continue to try and sort out my medical#which means i continue to not get paid and im just. so scared. so so fucking scared i dont even care if we find the start if the path#to vetter my health i dont care about gettinf better right now i just need this fucking form signed but#ive already been dismissised for it once and i have new doctor jitters. what do you mean i have to tell someone new that#i have ptsd and anxiety and depression and fibro and alleged bpd but its probably autism actually and hope#hope and prey they losten to me because its other doctors that have told me this and im definitely computer illiterate i couldntve come up#with all this on my own i promise ive done zero research into my own symptoms i live with every day im a simpleton im an idiot#please believe me dr refer me to ypur colleagues for further testing but in the mwan time sign the one form i need please#im so scared. i dont know what to do. my tarot says to tryst myself and find my own authority about the situation#but like literally legally i cant i have to rely on the hope this new doctor gives her signature or i dont get fucking paid as stated#i hate this i feel so shaky and nervous and nauseous and awful 😮‍💨#and im supposed to do groceries today. im at the very end of my shopping like if i dont go get food today#then i dont eat tonight but its cold and rainy and im super stressed abt the appointment so idk if ill be able to go shopping after#i dont wanna die anymore but like rn i kinda do this is too much today feels like too much#help me im drowning
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munamania · 7 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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blueslight · 1 year
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Man
#My friend forgot that they said theyd come to my house today and even though i texted them.aboht it at 1pm which they read at 3pm they#didnt bother saying ANYTHING to me until literaly rivht now (its nearly 7pm so tge day is effecrively over)#and like. my friend is autistic (so am I obviously) so on one hand im like yeah they probably dont know any better but on the other hand i#WOULDVE known better not because im good with empathy or social stuff but just bc i put in an effort#and like . well what would i say cause. like i said theyre autistic im sure its not great to get upset with an autistic person for doing#something autistic BUT LIKE ITS STILL HURTFUL!!! AND IM AUTISTIC MYSELF#but my mom raised me to be like so painfully aware and competent (in real life online obviously i act like a madman) that its near#impossible for me to hang out with other autistic/adhd people without feeling like their fuckin dad bc they refuse to put in any effort#into our friendship beyond exactly that they feel like doing#and stuff like this is constantly happening like hanging out with them is always overshadowed by the fact that i have to plan everything#and take care of everything and remind them of everything bc otherwise they literally want altho i KNOW they can#*wont#but at the same time im TOO weird to hang out with neurotypicals but with other nd people its always shit like this#and there are few things i hate as much as having to take care of people in contexts like this esp cause it just means i have to mask way#more cuz the others wont put in the slightest effort meanwhile ANY social interaction is like moving a mountain for me ive just gotten#so used to the effort BC WHAT ELSE DO I FUCKING DO I DONT WANNA DIE ALONE#but neither of my friends are as driven with tbis as i am. like if theyre not motivated to do something they literally wont do it#and like im rarely motivated either but THERE IS NO CHOICE BUT TO DO IT !!! but bc i guess their parents never enforced any rules now#they are exhausting to deal with
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theloveinc · 2 years
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I am sorry you don't get to have people speak their gratitude to you in your day to day. But at least here, thank you for sharing your thoughts and time with us.
😭😭😭i hope my complaining didn't come off as begging for compliments, cuz i really didn't mean it that way!!! but you're berry kind to send me this🥺
despite what i said in my post abt it, on here i always feel like i'm the one who owes you guys gratitude for exactly the same thing💕which i guess is just to say that i'm really happy that the feeling is reciprocated even if it's just a little bit.
so thank you so much and i love u so much too<3
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youraveragemushroom · 8 months
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‘….’
#i dont think im made for love because i fall into devotion too quick#it becomes worship i exalt before i fall or whatever and i set myself up for failure every time#self fulfilling prophecy and all that the usual#but i cant bare to actually imagine love in a reciprocal way#i feel like thats why i find myself ending up heartbroken by the best people#because they are the best and i have to ruin it bc i cant stand to let myself be happy#or more than that i cant imagine fathom believe whatever that someone could actually want me#and i get it im in the same boat buddy#and tbh idk if i even want someone to like me rn or if im just starved for attention#bc ik i cant offer anything real or substantion rn probably ever#thats the thing about devotion right i was born into some beliefs i cant shake#and nobody deserves to be second on someones list only beaten by the most contentious relationships i have#number 1 will always be whoever makes me cry the most ive come to realise#i spent a minute contemplating using the american vs british spelling of realize#this is the kind of neuroticism that straddles the line between quirky and unpleasent#unfortunately i dont have the pretty privilege to get away with being a great value manic pixie dream girl#which whatever i feel like im too anxious and self aware to be that carefree#but that doesnt mean i dont want the noise to fade to a gentle static#the last time it was quiet in my head it was when i could see a veritable sea of stars#next year i might spend the day in the woods or a field far out on the other side of texas#ill find the right time to see the right stars ill try to come back to see the ones i saw before#the universe collapsing in on itself thats what it feels like to be alive#but when i look up and i see the twinkling lights it settles the restless creature within me#stops it from clawing at the walls of my heart#it nestles in the thicket of my aortas and ventricles#it settles and finds temporary solace looking up at the stars with me#the stardust in my veins the one i share with every living creature a byproduct of being a child of the universe#it sings a song to us matching amplification but in antiphase to leave us in silence#well i wouldnt call it silence because thats the vaccuum of space#maybe its serenity maybe we find equilibrium in contextualization
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vanweezer · 9 months
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[squints at person who knows me as has acknowledged me] i didnt know you still assumed i existed
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epicdogymoment · 9 months
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duuuude. having a brain that doesnt work properly is so fun
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lovphobic · 1 year
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damn are u me bc SAME (unfortunately)) and it's kinda eating me alive bc one of them has this super awesome bf that really cares about her and is putting in the effort to show it and yeah I'm happy for her bc she deserves the world but also I sometimes think about how I've always been alone and haven't even kissed yet and I'm like. am i not pretty or interesting enough for someone to put effort in?? and i feel bad about feeling envious lol but it's ok
FORREAAAALLLLL like god i love my friends i am happy for them but after having two like supremely toxic relationships its just like. well when will it be my fucking turn huh. and i FEEL u on the kiss thing bc neither have i <3 and ive definitely been pitied for it too.. YAY.
but like. ok maybe this is toxic maybe not but. i think being envious is ok? just as long as its kept in check. like you dont Ruin your friendship over the envy. is that toxic am i cancelled.
#like on one hand i am SOOOOOOOOO sick of seeing u guys be happy but also like. i keep that shit inside i dont take it out on anyone bc its#immature and childish and wrong. but my feelings are something i cant control yk? and on the other hand its like FUUUUUUUUCK YES I AM SO#HAPPY THAT U ARE HAPPY YESSSSSSSS TELL ME EVERYTHING!! and its just a very weird war for me to be waging. by myself. in my mind palace#like. my second gf wasnt great to me. my recent ex was DEFINITELY not good to me. the weird fling i had w a guy last year when i had an#identity crisis left me feeling used (if u know. well. u know.) so its like. am i just not fucking deserving ? am i not deserving of#something nice that feels like coming home? that reminds me i didnt even get to have closure on my last crush bc it was fucking spearheaded#by my fucking ex and well THEYRE still friends go fucking figure fuck you guys#like the last time i truly felt loved was back in 2019. im so serious. like. i know im loved platonically sure. thats great and i love you#guys too. but this cant sustain me. im getting lonely and im getting bitter and i dont have anyone to blame. like. not even myself. which#SUCKS. it SO SUCKS. like . i dont know. i want something real before i die. i dont have a lifespan like you guys. my condition will#literally probably kill me. and like. im gonna die not knowing true love. thats where im at. thats kinda what im reminded of seeing all my#friends this happy. because they live normal lives. i dont even feel like i Deserve love but i want it so bad#did you know my ex when we like first started dating was like what am i gonna do when you die. what would i tell the kids. like you just#fucking say that to someone you love? you make the fact that their disability will likely kill them into a problem YOU have to face?#do you see what i mean. i just want to feel wanted. without conditions#snail mail#lol i made myself cry. im so hot hot girl summer (chokes)
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet
#look it probably works for a lot of ppl but every time i think about it as a solution for my Definitely Needs It family it's like. god no#it probably only works when everyone's willing to change and actually listen to each other#if i did it with my folks im worries they'd quit if they were challenged or talk shit about the therapist/methods afterwards#like im so worried the therapist would take their side and we'd be stuck giving in to them#only now with assurance from an expert that they're always right and we're wrong and ungrateful. not helpful!! negative progress#and if we tried to switch therapists my parents would be like oh you just can't accept responsibility 🙄🙄#you just wanted someone to tell you you didn't have to try or to coddle you or make us do what you want or whatever#aghhh it's so scary and it's not even on the table. no one wants this but i also think trying to mediate it myself would suck so fuckin bad#aughh. sorry i wanna write about it as like. a tags rant. here goes#my parents don't apologize for shit. ive legit seen it happen once. they justify and backpedal but they never acknowledge their bs#they treat the harm that comes from their methods with a sort of 'well what do you expect me to do about it?! (rhetorical)' vibe#like there is no way to improve. like the ability for parents to fail and be flawed means those things must be accepted uncritically#because they're trying and they have good intentions. but if they really wanted to help as they claim they would be willing to change#if you're trying to help someone and they tell you your actions didn't help or are hurting them you should change your methods so theyre#helped. but they operate on this assumption that their methods should always work and thud if they don't that we're too sensitive#'youre asking for too much' was kind of a major theme in my childhood is what im realizing#instead they justify and focus on intent or their kids' flaws (real or imagined). they want to change the reaction rather than the action#they dont want to help they just want the problem to go away. and quiet kids look like happy kids i guess#thing is i cant even cite that many manipulative things theyve said bc we all go quiet as soon as they use a disapproving tone#like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose#theyre kinda shit at defending themselves but i can barely follow their lines of reasoning so it's so fucking hard to argue with them#it's also so unnurturing. why is us being unhappy or uncomfortable smth to blame on our failure n not smth you want to help with? wth#yk the thing about the Shut Down Tone is i recognize and resent it sometimes but it still makes me feel like im not giving them a fair shot#bc i dont even slightly challenge them much (& they dont have to say what they mean for us to cower) i feel like im misreading their tone#that im being too sensitive and thinking theyre being controlling for no reason. like im reading into it too hard and hating them when if i#pushed back they'd freely be good to me and change and be reasonable. but now it's becoming clearer that that's not the case bc they Do Not#and if i mention The Tone theyll just say im overreacting and that it's my fault for not sticking up for myself AGAIN!!!!!!#and it's so frustrating knowing what's going on and still having these doubts. i can't trust my gut or what i hear bc they might be right#they'll straight up lie or change their arguments or their story to get me to submit. am i being gaslit??? wtf#but i trust my (treated worse) brothers' accounts which helps. my parents brag about their parenting skills to us btw ✌️✌️
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drchucktingle · 2 months
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Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you
well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck
what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)
now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.
what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too
on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen
so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.
YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO
it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries
somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.
this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.
when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)
and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art
because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.
and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS
SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED
there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it
here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you
do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in
LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR
create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT
then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'
now lets trot buckaroos
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skeletonmaster69 · 2 years
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#vent tw#on one hand finding anything i can 'relate' to is yummy.#on the other its like. im not that fucked up. like its enough to be noticable but its not enough to deserve to get fixed#broken cup is repaired but chipped cup is left chipped or whatever doesnt matter#+ like idk maybe ive desensitized myself or whatever but some of these things just do not seem like as big a deal as everyone makes them#like yeah the world would be better off if i were gone but everyone thinks that. like literally#i mean probably not everyone everyone but not wanting to die is something the normal kids with rich families that care get you know#that makes me sound worse than i am#not eanting to die is for those kids that play sports and have all A+ and 2 parents that love them and can buy tutors and other help#see that sounds much less bad. thats like the ideal dream scenario. and some people have the ideal dream scenario but most dont#and all the kids that dont have to think about how theyre a drain on resources or too dumb to be worth teaching or a burden on their family#and thats not the fualt of the kids but its jsut what happens you know. just how it works.#so idk why its always such a big deal in fiction when a character wants to die because everyone wants to die a little bit#as said not everyone everyone but you know. im normal here#like yeah its a big problem if someone tries to actually do it but its whatever if they dont.#like i tried but it was with pills and im not gonna say other ppl who use them are babies but i was doing it in a baby way#if i just jumped off thr bridge like i always thought then id think im worse than i am see#i took pills cuz i thought they wouldnt hurt so bad or when they did id be asleep#problem is if youve got that kinda coward mentality about how you die then ur never gonna really go thru with it#and i was only in the hospital for a few days so its like it wasnt even real. they couldnt even see thru the big fat lie i told so#but yeah so idk i dont get the big deal tbh. like yes people who wanna die should get help but everyone wants to so#this isnt saying other peoples feelings arent valid i get why its a big deal to people#i just dont think its a big deal for me u know. but thats probably because i dont have problems anyways so its just normal see?#like if it were a big deal 4 me my therapist would push it more and ppl would notice better and stuff#like i know im not loud about it but idk im not loud about it cuz its not a big deal. it literally doesnt matter to me#i wanna die but nobody expects me to do anything about it and i wont do anyrhing about it again unless i feel really bad again#its just like a little fantasy to keep in my head when i feel like and thats normal so its not a big deal#i checked out a couple books from the library that are supposed to be about suicide attempts and stuff#i was gonna read them just to see what mightve happened if id gone farther like i shouldve or if i hadnt lied or something#but then the guy in the first book was like. actually smart and stuff but also he just. walked to the hospital and checked himself in!
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mywifealhaitham · 3 months
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pre release boothill relationship headcanons!!!
a/n: I'm fiending off crumbs... I've wanted to read some x reader of him but theres none so I gotta write it myself. I hope the other 4 boothill fans enjoy
warnings: gn!reader, like 2 gendered pet names (pretty girl/boy), most of this is written with bias because we don't have alot to go off, obviously written prerelease, when we actually get content of him I'll definitely be rewriting
LEAKS AHEAD!!!
bc: Valentine_DD_ on twt
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- Boothill is described as a righteous person if his bottom line doesn't get crossed, so he definitely treats you good. probably more on the protective side when it comes to you, he's probably not afraid to use his gun if someone is threatening you.
- and believe me he's intimidating. from his overall tough and "unruly" cowboy look to his mechanical body it leaves enemies just a little challenged. he lowers his voice too and probably has a more fierce look in his eyes too. after any threats have been delt with he probably turns to you and turns into the sweetest thing ever, a wide grin across his face and his hands on your cheeks peppering you with small kisses.
- Its said he's a bit sophisticated due to his experiences so I'd like to imagine sometimes he charms you with facts and details about other planets or just genuinely sharing some tips and tricks he's picked up from other cultures. he's also a person who can get along with others pretty well but he can easily give strangers an impression he's selfish and is a bad person.
- again this kinda feeds into he's basically you'd guard dog... but I mean who wouldn't want to be saved by a handsome and sweet cowboy. despite his unpredictable personality and looks he's a huge gentleman for sure. always opens doors and pulls out chairs for you, makes sure your behind him and okay if any danger approaches and practically listens to your every command (lowkey giving off my girl and I don't argue she tells me to shut up and I do)
- one part I'm so excited to see is what they mean by he's illiterate and using metaphors. it's probably just him using slang but it's still kinda cute. I feel like his cheesy and strange metaphors turn into pick up lines when talking to you. perhaps he'll pull a "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" or something cheesier. Definitely a huge nickname guy, almost never uses your real name. I'm guessing he'd use stuff like doll, sugar, baby, pretty girl/boy and more teasing names. heavy on doll and sugar and just imagine him saying it in a deep southern accent... 😍 kicking my feet. also I imagine he loves making you giggle by not cursing (because he literally cant) and normally he'd get pissed if someone laughed at him like that if it's you he doesn't mind at all.
- that's pretty much it for like analyzing the leaks I saw but now the stuff up ahead is just bias yapping because I always project
- HE DEFINITELY IS A HAND KISSER. greets you by getting on one knee, holding his hat to his chest and kissing your hand. makes eye contact with you too and does that toothy smirk of his IM SWOONINGGG
- maybe he's a dancer! pulls you into his arms and places his hat on your head when a good song plays in taverns. even if your clueless on any type of dances then he'll pull you along to the beat whispering Instructions in your ear.
- gets so lovesick when drunk it drives everyone mad. any folks he's sitting with at a bar gets a whole speech on his wonderful beautiful darling who he owes his live and would happily die by their hand. and may God save you when you come pick him up because he'll be all over you. Immediately he wraps a arm around your waist as he slurrs his hello as he proceeds to tell you he loves you like 40 times. besides the mass amounts of kisses you'll receive once you both reach a private spot he let's some feelings that he might be too shy to share normally, holding your face as he calls you his pretty girl/boy and how he's so lucky to have you.
- honestly not the best for cuddling however unfortunately he needs to cuddle you to sleep so goodluck! his metal body isn't completely uncomfortable it's just cold alot. he tries to get around this by literally preheating himself with blankets before you go to bed.
very bad boothill brainrot atm... only a few more weeks until we get official content 😭 everyone hold hands we got this
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here's the actual leaks if anyone is curious ^_^
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mockerycrow · 1 year
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hii! i love the way you describe the 141 so far, and i would love to see how you would write an konig, ghost, soap, price and alejandro reaction and headcanons with a s/o who has an accent?
i taught myself english from a young age so i never really had someone to practice with, so my accent is very strong (im from south america, which also helps lol) and i would like to see how the cod boys can react to this in your style <33
Reader With An Accent - MWII
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GIF BY: @collinnmckinley - masterlist
A/N: thank you so much for your patience and thank you for liking my writing!! please let me know if i executed this right!! i am american and i don’t want to misrepresent. also this is lowkey coded for people w/ accents from non-english speaking countries, so sorry everyone who is from a english speaking country and has an accent oops — i also kinda took your “i taught myself english from a young age” for alejandro’s chunk. hope that’s ok!
König
König wouldn’t react to your accent very much, unless it’s a very thick accent because then he would have trouble understanding you.
If your accent is thick, he probably asks you repeat yourself a couple of times; English isn’t his first language either, so I can imagine maybe a couple of times you both sit there in silence with each other because neither of you guys can understand each other. He has a semi-thick accent, too.
Sometimes, he does understand you but he just wants to hear you continue to talk.
Maybe König and you practice English together, while teaching each other your native languages on accident. You guys didn’t mean to, but you end up trying to explain what a word is in your different languages and by the end of it, you begin to understand full sentences in german; the same for him with your language.
He considers this a bonding experience :)
Ghost
Like König, he probably wouldn’t react to your accent too much unless it was incredibly thick. Ghost has met all different types of people and his native language is English, so he has a better understanding of what you’re trying to say, but he pokes fun at you like he pokes fun at Soap.
On the topic of Soap, you two together is his worst nightmare.
“Speak English.” Is his favorite phrase when you are speaking English, but your accent is just overpowering literally everything.
You like to throw his words back into his face when he says some sort of British slang—you get a surprisingly loud chuckle out of him when you pick up some of his slang. He thinks it’s funny whenever anyone who isn’t British begins to talk like him.
If Ghost isn’t already fluent in your language, he pretty much becomes damn near fluent by the time you’ve known him for a good couple of months. He picks this stuff up easily.
Soap
Oh, this would be actual hell on Earth. Not for you two, but for the others.
Soap doesn’t comment on your accent initially, but you two begin to share a brain cell and a half (on accident) when Ghost’s eyes show visible frustration.
“He can barely understand me, the two of’us will be a real party trick!”
You and Soap gang up on everyone else if your accent is thick. He understands the frustration of people not understanding you.
Sometimes it takes Soap a moment to process what you’re saying, but he only asks you to repeat yourself a couple of times. (He has a good method of deciphering words, even if he cannot understand through an accent).
Soap likes to teach you his Scot phrases and you teach him your own in return.
Price
He gives you an eyebrow raise as a reaction, but that’s about it. Price has worked with so many people all over the world, he doesn’t really care to comment on your accent.
Price has gotten pretty good at understanding thick accents through the years, so he probably only asks you to slow your speaking when giving him a verbal report about something.
Price 100% is the type to accidentally pronounce something wrong but say it with full confidence and you always correct him, leaving him dumbfounded.
“My lips just don’t move that way, love.”
It’s likely he’s fluent in your language so he doesn’t mind if you talk to him in it; just give him a few seconds to translate in his head, okay?
Alejandro
If you meet outside of a total progressional setting, he probably has the most reaction to your accent out of anyone.
Alejandro’s language is a very big part of him so he assumes it’s the same for anyone else.
Alejandro doesn’t have an incredibly thick accent, but he knows people who do and he’s known them for years, so it’s easier for him to understand than a lot of other people.
If you taught yourself English and you end up pronouncing something wrong, Alejandro casually corrects you to help you out. He doesn’t make a big deal out of it either, he knows sometimes people get embarrassed from it. His first language isn’t English either, so he understands the struggle.
He DOES start laughing if you try to pronounce something that you so clearly cannot, even after being corrected.
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paper-mario-wiki · 1 month
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transfems can be women but you are not, you're an agp
(i actually blocked the original person who sent this and then resent it to myself on anon to keep the presentation fitting since i would like to share my perspective on this anyhow. here's what i would have said to this straw-man argument-haver if they weren't already blocked!)
TL;DR: you're wrong with both of the things you asserted in your statement. 1) i am not an AGP which is because 2) AGP's are exactly as much of a woman as i am.
what meaningful categorization could you put on someone to fit the description of "autogynophile" that precludes them from womanhood without inherently being contradictorily transphobic? "it turns them on to think about being vaginally penetrated" yeah i bet a lot of cishet woman fantasize about that too. "they only changed their identity because they like being a lady so much it helps them get off" okay? and? this is not a categorization which is inherently predatory, so who cares? gender is, irrevocably, an invention. it's a farce. it's nothing, we made it up, that's the whole point of agreeing that people can change it if they say they want to.
drawing a social line by the physical distinctions of "do they have penis or the other one" is as arbitrary as separating people by right handedness and left handedness or the eye color they were born with. the social expectations, behaviors, and woes are a consequence of the fact that everyone has been taught "this is just how it is, and it makes you different in every way, and this is how it's always been, and this is how it'll always be", same as the way people keep using fiat currencies (the US dollar for example), despite them being backed up by no singular tangible thing in any way that matters, aside from the word of the person who controls it.
and sometimes going along with that stuff is fine! i mean not the money, but the other one. the gender one. i like to be called a woman, while also knowing that "woman" is an invention. "pretty" is also an invention, and i love to be called that. "sonic the hedgehog" is an invention that people talk about using the same verbiage they use when describing real, tangible, breathing creatures, despite the fact that sonic the hedgehog exists conceptually and not physically (not including physical representations, which are not the same thing).
i think agp's are also women. if i could read someone's mind and they said "hi im a woman" but i knew they were thinking "im actually a man" i would still say "hello woman" because they might as well have given me their name for all the difference it makes in how we interact moving forward. if someone has no intention or probability to harm themselves or anyone else, i couldn't care less.
all that being said, you're wrong with both of the things you asserted in your statement. 1) i am not an AGP because 2) AGP are exactly as much of a woman as i am. it is a meaningless category coined by bigots and only given credibility by people with bigoted views.
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whorbidmore · 2 months
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okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.
Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons
SFW
accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.
honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.
Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.
Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.
Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!
Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.
Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.
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barbiiecams · 2 months
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arguments with toxic!rafe when you’re just as toxic as him.. he’s humbling you rq 😭.
all day he was experiencing the silent treatment. as much as it was your fault, you were still pissed. he failed to pick you up from a party last night and completely left you stranded until you ultimately decided to just get an uber. when you were blowing up his phone, he ignored you each and every time. shit, he probably even blocked you at one point.
now, he’s sitting here all in your face telling you how childish and self centered you are. as if that’s not one of the reasons he’s so obsessed with you.
“rafe get out of my face.” you warned, pushing his head with your hand.
“no. you always wanna start this shit for no reason then act innocent.” he responded as he followed you up to the bedroom.
ignoring his words again, you attempted to make it into the room by yourself and lock him out. but to your inconvenience, he was right up your ass.
you didn’t even have the chance to reach for the door behind you because he pushed you inside the room, walked in, then locked both of you inside.
“who the fuck you think you are pushing me?” you turned around real quick to push him right back.
it’s no use, you could try it all you wanted but he was too sturdy and too big to even nudge a little.
he lets out some air from his nose, and brushes his hand over his face. “we’re gonna talk this out. you understand?”
he points a finger in your face while he talks. usually this would piss you off, but right now you could see he was desperately trying with you.
“fine.” you agreed then went to sit on the bed. he sat down next to you and wasted no time talking.
“the attitude changes and accusations have to stop. you know why i didn’t come to pick you up last night.” he starts.
“actually i don’t-”
“im not done speaking.” he cuts you off. you gave him a look that said ‘boy watch yourself’ but he very much ignored it and continued.
“you know how much i love you? how much i worry about your safety? i didn’t even want you to go last night. matter of fact i told you not to.”
it seemed like you heard the same stuff each argument, but he knew none of it ever stuck. he was determined to get you to listen tonight.
“what did i say before you left?”
“to be ready by 10.” you said in a quiet, almost embarrassed voice because you knew you were the one wrong this time. would you admit that? hell no.
“exactly. but you wanted to have your little outbursts and argue with me and tell me i was being too controlling. and obviously you need that structure. right?”
you nod but you still weren’t about to give up that easily.
“okay but-”
“but nothing. i told you i’d be doing business with barry after the fact.”
“any other boyfriend would’ve stopped and came!” you tried with him.
all he did was scoff, “so that i don’t have any money, and then you would cry everyday since you don’t have the newest bag in stores? real funny. i’ll save myself the headache.”
you couldn’t argue with him because he was most definitely right. being you, it was still gonna take you another hour or so to apologize. or, he could force it out.
“whatever.” you said while getting up to go start your nightly routine. you didn’t make it very far because rafe was quick to grab your arm.
“not so fast. what do you say?” you stood there for a second just looking at him.
“hello? i know you’re not mute all of a sudden.” he smirks at you being straight hardheaded. it would piss another man off, but he found it amusing with you. and he wouldn’t trade it either.
“i’m not apologizing.” you finally said. you were hoping for the right response to this, and he didn’t disappoint.
“no? well i guess that means you’re gonna have to get it fucked out of you.” he shrugs, then quickly lifting you up and onto the bed. before you knew it, your panties were off and he was already starting with the hickeys on your neck.
smiling at how fast things were going, you still wondered when he would realize why you loved to pick arguments so much.
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