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#because ive had thoughts about doing it but
formulawolff · 3 days
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iv. raising the stakes - t.w.
pairing: female driver! x toto wolff
word count: 2.0k
warnings: cursing, age gap, mentions of divorce, power imbalances, mentions of age gap relationships, sexual references, toto wanting to be with you every second of every day, YEARNING, pining, yadayadayada, the works y'know
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“don’t tell me it’s that fucking nitwit.”
the team principal nearly growls, fury oozing into every single word. 
“i haven’t talked to him in a while,” panic starts to flare up, “fuck, fuck, fuck. what do i do?”
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“ignore him?” 
“i can’t do that,” you suck in a breath, “you need to go to my room. just sit on my bed or something until he leaves.”
“scared he’s going to catch on or something?” toto arches a brow, his tone shifting from scorn to a light-hearted tease, “oh schatz, are you worried your little boyfriend won’t like that you’re with another man?”
“no,” you scoff, “you know exactly what would happen if daniel saw both of us. go to my room. stay there until he leaves.”
“fine,” he rolls his eyes, clambering to his feet. he stretches slightly, wincing, “that was not my best idea.”
“that’s what happens when you’re an old man.”
the remark lights a new fire in toto, the austrian licking his lips, “oh don’t worry love, this old man will you show you soon he’s actually–”
“get. in. my. room.” you hiss, scrambling to your feet. 
“fine, fine,” he exhales, nodding towards the end of the hall, “i assume that’s it?”
“yes,” you affirm, “just stay there. answer some emails or something.”
“will do,” he whistles, turning on his heel. 
once the door to your room closes, you clear your throat. your voice was probably shaky from what just occurred. hell, even your brain felt like it was a pile of mush. 
there was not a single thought rattling around, your memory only replaying a constant loop of what just happened. 
oh fuck. you realize your shorts were completely soaked. and it was noticeable. although you weren’t going to be opening your legs, you were obviously flustered. 
time to act like nothing ever happened. 
quickly, you throw a blanket over you, “come in!”
daniel pokes his head in, a bright grin enveloping his face, “hey there, winner, winner!”
“how are you?” 
“i’m okay,” he shrugs, crossing over to the couch, “were you watching something? i thought i heard some voices.”
“oh yeah,” you nod fervently, “i was just watching some tik toks before you came in.”
“sorry it’s so late,” daniel fiddles with a loose thread on his shorts, “i figured i would come by after all the press and all that. you must be tired, yeah?”
“a little bit.
“it was a huge day for you,” he points out, “i’m happy for you. i really am. i couldn’t think of anyone who deserved that win more than you.”
you can’t help but feel a grin form, “thank you, danny.”
“also,” he lets out a shaky breath, “i feel like i owe you an explanation why i’ve been so distant this last week.”
“oh daniel you don’t have to–”
“but i do,” he interjects, his voice so quiet you had to lean forward to hear it, “i guess when you asked me that question after bahrain, i was confused. to tell you the truth, i was confused about how my feelings for you. i guess i never really addressed the feelings i had for you until you brought it up. yeah, i do have feelings for you. i am attracted to you. but i can’t act on them because i know that you would never pursue me in that matter. you’ve always seen me as one of your best friends, and that’s okay. i figured i would take a step back so i could heal without hurting you or lashing out. because it’s not your fault, it’s all been one-sided.”
“daniel i–”
“you don’t have to say anything,” he shakes his head, avoiding eye contact, “i had to heal on my own. i had to come to terms without bringing you into it. it would have been immature of me to make you feel like you had to reciprocate the attraction. besides, i feel like you’re attracted to someone else.”
your heart nearly stops beating for a moment, eyes widening, “oh – um, i–”
“you’ve always spoke so highly of carlos, and with the way you look at him, i have a gut feeling you like him.”
you can clearly picture toto in your room, leaning against the door, listening to every word. this meant you had to tread these waters carefully. 
very carefully. 
“oh daniel,” you begin, “at the moment, i’m not attracted to anyone on the grid. if anything, i see most of you guys like my brothers. it’s the best group of friends i could have ever asked for. if i were to have romantic relationships with any of you guys, i feel like it would diminish the bonds we have. also, i just don’t think it’s very professional. we have to keep things professional, you know?”
“i understand,” daniel’s eyes meet yours, and you can’t help but see nothing but anguish, “i appreciate you, i really do. can we just act like you never asked that question?”
“of course.”
“i love you,” daniel leans forward, scooping you in an embrace, “you’re the best. i’d stay and chat about your big win today, but i bet we’re both exhausted. i’ll text you, okay?”
“okay,” a giggle bubbles up as daniel shakes you back and forth, “i love you too, danny.”
“i’ll see ya around,” he places a swift peck on your temple before getting up, “sleep well. you deserve some rest.”
“you too,” you murmur, waving as the australian strolls out, “see you around.”
“byeeee!”
once the door shuts, you flop backwards, breathing out a sigh of relief. 
that seemed to go well. 
shooting up, you remember that there was a very large, very handsome austrian man waiting for you in your room. wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, you spring up, nearly jogging down the hall. 
pushing open the door, your breath hitches in your throat. 
instead of being wide awake, toto is slumped on your bed, limbs sprawled out. light snores fill the air, his chest rising and falling. rays of moonlight cascade into the space, shrouding him with a soft glow. 
quietly, you make your way to the bed, discarding your shorts and underwear. after seeing the clothes on the floor, you realize you may as well ditch the top too. peeling it off, you toss it, burrowing under the comforter. 
toto stirs, blinking, “how long was i– oh my god.”
you can’t help but smirk as he’s left speechless, mouth agape, eyes nearly as wide as saucers, “not long. daniel only came over for about fifteen minutes.”
“and you didn’t wake me the moment you started taking off your clothes?”
“i didn’t know i was supposed to,” you tease, scooting towards the principal, “you don’t have to leave. you can stay.”
“i don’t know if i should,” light kisses pepper your nose, cheeks, and forehead, “they’re probably all wondering where i ran off to. i’ve been gone awhile and haven’t been answering my texts or calls. if i’m not careful, they might send out a search party.”
“lewis hamilton can’t be without his team principal for one second?” 
at your response, toto laughs, his chest vibrating against your shoulder blades, “you’d be surprised. at times i wonder if i adopted him as my own. george too.”
“please?” you roll over, facing him. for extra measure, you jut your bottom lip out, ensuring that your lashes flutter as you blink, “please stay?”
“hmmm,” he hums, leaning in, “what’s my incentive for staying?”
“you know, not everything is a business transaction.”
“i just wanted to hear you beg a little.”
the truth of the matter was that the team principal knew if he stayed, he would be in too deep. even further deeper than he already was. 
oh, toto wolff was already weak for you. 
but now? 
it was far worse than he could ever imagine. 
there was just something about you that he couldn’t shake. as you laid beside him, moonlight swathing your figure, he couldn’t resist admiring. fuck, you were just so gorgeous. 
however, that was not the only thing that drew him in. your aura alone was attractive enough. confident, radiant, oh so intelligent, and level-headed. also, you were unapologetically yourself. toto needed that. he needed someone to match his energy. 
the fact that you were one of the best drivers on the grid was just a bonus to the plethora of qualities that he adored. 
of course, there was that ever-present thought looming in his mind. 
if a single soul found out about this blossoming relationship, every aspect of his life would come crumbling down. 
his children would shun him. he would be let go from his esteemed position at mercedes. the fia would exploit his wrongs in every way imaginable. the media would have an absolute frenzy. his drivers would no longer speak to him. 
and susie? oh god. 
although there was still a band gleaming on his left finger, the marriage with susie had devolved three years ago. the papers weren’t signed until several months ago, the team principal keeping that matter private. merely for the sake of his ex-wife and children. wearing the band was simply a promise he made with susie for the time being, to keep the public thinking that they were still happily married. 
the divorce would be announced at the end of the 2024 season, just so that the media wouldn’t speculate. 
although, they already speculated more than he liked. 
yet, there was this part of him that urged him to take that risk. to pursue you. to get to know every part of you. to learn, cherish, and love you in every way possible. 
you were his golden girl, without a doubt. 
a shining ray of light that deserved the world. 
and by god, he was more than determined to give you that.
“toto,” your eyes were closed, lashes fluttering as a hand ran through your hair, “can you please stay?”
“if i stay,” the team principal shifted his body, propping himself up with an elbow, “i’m going to have to leave early. probably before sunrise so that i’m not spotted.”
“you could just disguise yourself.”
“right,” a light chuckle flows his lips, “i’ll find a mustache and stick it on. no one would ever dare recognize me then.”
“you think?” fuck, your giggle was going to be the death of him. 
“i know,” leaning over, he presses a kiss on your temple, “i’ll stay, schatz. just don’t be disappointed if you wake up and i’m not there. all right?”
“all right,” you nod, sleep slurring your words. 
quickly, toto unbuttons his shirt, discarding it to the floor. fuck, it was probably going to be wrinkly in the morning, but he didn’t care. as long as he got to spend a few more hours with you, it would make up for it. standing, he unbuckles his belt, slacks falling to the floor. 
pulling the comforter back, he curls up next to you, bringing you close to his chest. 
“you know, sixteen-year-old me would be screaming, crying, throwing up, right now.”
“is that right?” his chest rumbles as he laughs, “well, we’ll have create a time machine to let sixteen-year-old you that all of her dreams come true.”
“are you sure you don’t have a crush on me, mr. wolff?”
“like i said before schatz,” his arms squeeze you gently, “crushes are for children.”
“then what is it?”
“we’ll have to find out,” toto found his eyelids drooping as you snuggle closer, “goodnight, golden girl.”
in his heart, toto knew the answer all too well. 
if the two of you continued to meet like this, one of you would be bound to want a relationship. with such a bright future ahead for you, would you even want to settle down at mercedes with a man like him? a previously divorced man going through a potential midlife crisis? 
additionally, if the two of you continued to meet like this, one of you would be bound to fall in love. 
and if that was the case, the stakes would only be higher. 
not only would be acquiring one of the best drivers in formula one’s history, he would be acquiring the girl he loved. 
and god, was he determined to make that happen. 
by any means possible. 
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Hear me out iii is a big boy you know what I mean I can’t be the only one who thought about him showing in the tummy while fucking. Please ignore this if you’re not comfortable with it just had to say it.
I am a child of God until I am not… I have nothing else to say. And I thought I was a iv girl, got a feeling that I’ve been lying to myself.
Warning: this is smut people. Kids go away.
Nighttime is for freaks
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You could feel the amped-up emotions pouring out of III when you saw him backstage. He preferred to keep the relationship between you two wrapped up and tucked away. Yet it was III who had laced his fingers through your hair, pulling you closer to him, pealing the bottom of his mask up before smashing his lips against yours. Slightly taken back by his actions you stay frozen for a moment before returning the kiss with just enough force, hands slipping to tug at his hair.
You both barely made it to the hotel and only because the whole time you were the one pushing III’s hand sway from between your thighs. Hissing at him to just hold on for a moment. It was bad enough that the rest of his team had been whistling ever since they walked in on your make-out session. But the moment the hotel door was closed, it’s like all of the self-control was out of the window. Clothes were being tossed across the room, as a hungry kiss after a hungry kiss consumed you both. III’s teeth graze your shoulders. Biting down onto the strap of your bra before pulling it down your shoulders with ease, sending a shiver down your spine.
You watched him sink to his knees in front of you. Lips following every curve of your body. Sloppy kisses painting your skin until he stopped right at the waistband of your red thong. His dark eyes looking up right as his fingers, pushed the damp material of your panties to the side, coating his fingers in your arousal. “You will be a good girl tonight, take it all, won't you?”, III asks, slipping a finger between your folds. A light moan slips past your lips as you splay your hands over his shoulders for support, nodding eagerly. “Good, cause I have plans for you”, he musses against your inner thigh and the next thing you know your legs are over his shoulders, back pressed against the wall as he eats you out like a man starved, fingers pressing into your thighs, keeping you from clapping over his head.
“Jesus, fuck, Christ”, you moan as the second orgasm begins to take shape in the depths of your belly. “No, Jesus, just me”, III grunts, pulling one of your legs over his shoulder and making your vision go hazy as he thrusts into you mercilessly. The sound of the headboard hitting the wall and your wetness filling the dim room. “Fuck, fuck, I can’t”, you mulled, trying to push at his chest but moving a man like him was impossible. Plus, you two had agreed on safe words at the start of your sexual life, and you sure as fuck weren’t using them now. “Give me one more”, III grunts leaning in, “You got one more for me, I know that you do”, he muses, biting the swell of your breast before, wrapping his mouth around your nipple, swirling his tongue over the sensitive peaks.
Gasping you threw your head back, the feeling of him all over you, hitting all the right places made your head spin. His lips crash onto yours right as his fingers move to circle your clit and that’s all you need to slip over the edge. Fingers curling, you arch off the mattress, the kiss being the only thing keeping you semi-quiet.
You stay like that panting. Ears ringing. Vision still hazy. Yet you can’t help but bite your lip as III pulls up, his toned chest glistening with sweat. He thrusts into you a couple more times, savoring the feeling of the warmth surrounding his dick. You whine lazily at the movement. And then he stops. “Wait”, he mutters, pushing into you once more. “III, no that’s enough…”, you rasp out, feeling your legs trembling from that lazy thrust alone. “Fucking look at this”, he grunts and you can feel him growing hard inside you. “How the fuck did I never see this… fuck”, his hands push at your legs, spreading them further apart. You trail your gaze to where his eyes are narrowed. A whimper slips past your lips as you see what exactly got your boyfriend worked up all over again. Every time III bottomed out you could see him within you. Faint yet noticeable enough view of his dick penetrating you from within in.
“Shit, baby, I need to go again”, he grunts, nostrils flaring. Leaning in he cups your face, “Let me fuck you one more time”, he pleads, “I can’t… I need to watch it… fuck”, you feel him twitching inside you making you clamp up around him. “Okay”, you mutter, watching a sort of relief wash over him, “Okay?”, he asks once more and all you can do is nod. His hand wraps around your neck as he crashes his lips against yours, your puffy lips kissed raw by the time he pulls back, “You’re so good to me”, he praises, withdrawing his hips back, “Such a good, fucking girl”. You knew that you were gonna lose this round. When his eyes practically went black as he watched himself filling you up and the slow and steady rhythm soon picked up. “III, fuck”, your breath hitches as he fully let himself go. Groaning like you had never heard him before. You truly thought the trust couldn’t get any more viscous but it’s as if something snapped within III at the sight of that bump in your lower belly. His fingers move from your hips, pressing down on it. And pleasure like no other shoots through you. “Ahh, too much, baby… I”, a broken moan rolls off your tongue, nails clawing in his arm as he pounds into you. Eyes rolling to the back of your head as he hit just the right spot deep within over and over again. “You take me so well”, he grunts, but his voice is muffled by the ringing in your ears as pleasure fully consumed you. “You stay with me”, III orders hand slapping your cheek carefully as he turns your face so you would look at him, “I can’t”, you cried out, tears falling down your cheeks. “You can and you will”, he grunts, thrusts growing more erratic. And this is the exact moment that you both know, can feel how close you both are. All you can do is moan. Breathy. Short pants of pleasure fill the place as you feel him devour you into the oblivious. “Fuck”, III practically shouts, body going ridged as warm waves of his release fill your body. You can’t even remember if you scream as your vision blanks, and for the first time you understand what people mean by saying that they see stars. Your body is drumming with pleasure. Seizing as you ride the overwhelming sensation.
You feel soft lips kissing your cheeks, fingers slowly brushing hair away from your face but your brain is not ready to make sense of any of it. “Hey”, a familiar voice fills your ears, “You with me, gorgeous?” You lazily open your eyes only managing to blink a couple of times. “I need words”, III urges, “Cause as sexy as you look fucked out of your senses, I need to know that my girl is okay”, brushing his fingers across your lips, III looks at you expectedly. “I think I’m high”, you mutter, voice raspy. III chuckles, “High on what?”, the bastard dares to smirk. “Your dick, asshole”, you grunt, scrunching your nose when he moves inside you once more. Sensing your discomfort III quickly reaches between you both, “I’m going to pull out but I have a feeling it will hurt”, the eyes that had looked at you with nothing but lust now were laced with concern. And he wasn’t wrong, you hissed more than once but III was there to kiss the tears away.
“I think you broke the lower part of my body”, you muttered after a heartbeat of silence between you two. “I would say that I am sorry but we both know that would be a lie”, he chuckles, reaching for a water bottle on his bedside table before handing it to you. “I love you”, he mutters watching your disheveled body, one that looked like a million bucks to him, especially now. “I love you too, you sex demon”, you grunt, making your boyfriend full belly laugh, before attempting to turn to your side but failing miserably. “Come on, I’ll carry you to the shower”, III leans in kissing your shoulder tenderly before scooping your tired frame into his arms with ease. “Do you think others heard us?”, you mutter against his chest with a yawn, “You share a wall with IV”. III simply shrugs, “Nighttime is for freaks anyway”.
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buwheal · 2 days
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Would your spamton be disturbed if he knew we were all talking about how best to tell him something? Would he find the collaboration and care flattering, or find the calculation and manipulation of it all a violation of his autonomy?
Maybe a mix of both? I mean, because of the subject, his immediate thought would be to lash out and accuse you of lying about it because thats just the nature of it, and him, but i think otherwise, he would recognize (in some distant way) that you care and.. be touched? by it? that you'd do that for him? He wont realize he feels that way, and nor would he acknowledge it even if he did, but its there, somewhere. He'd also be pretty confused that youre doing that for him and why you'd do that. He would be pretty unsettled by it. For multiple reasons. One of them being that you care. Youre not doing anything paarrtiiiccularly malicious? i think? & i think (maybe) overall he'd be confused because he doesnt think theres any reason to be doing that (because nothing is wrong wdym huhhhh?) . This is an odd one. Ive had this editor open for like an hour going back and forth. Got me using my brain. The thinker.
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catscidr · 1 day
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// untitled fic nº 110 //
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i. note — i was feeling a certain typa way because i kept coming across fics where the reader was described as busty so i wrote this in like two hours to make myself feel better lmao sue me…. ii. includes — dottore, afab!reader. no pronouns used, only descriptions of boobs/looking womanly (?) iii. cw — fluff, hurt/comfort, crack-ish bc this is a little silly, dottore is trying his best (maaaybe ooc), a little suggestive but nothing happens, talks of sex and oral, casual touching. MDNI. tldr reader is self conscious about their body and dottore tries to make them feel better lol iv. wc — 1,8k
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It’s not often that you get to lay in bed with your lover; he’s always busy running around his lab, either fixing others’ mistakes or scrapping his own work to start over what he has spent so much time on. Dating the infamous Il Dottore was a challenge not many were strong enough for, but you made it work.
You would spend time with him in Haeresys by helping him with some tasks (even if they were small, and didn’t really need to be done in the first place). Handing him different tools when he’d wordlessly ask for them while neck deep in the guts of a Ruin Guard, carefully organizing old reports and documents in his desk that would never see the light of day anytime soon, and bringing him a healthy meal to eat while he worked (though you would do that yourself, because Archon forbid he actually eats on his own accord).
So, given how sparse your time together is, of course you would make it count. Of course you would use that time wisely, go out for an evening to a nice restaurant, maybe even cuddle up on the couch to binge an entire season of a show you had been meaning to watch for ages but couldn't bring yourself to because you wanted to watch it with him.
You wouldn’t dare spend your evening together in bed, wallowing in your own self-pity while he sits up, reading a book you can’t even stomach the contents of.
...Except that’s exactly what you’re doing.
You can't really help it, though. You know how he is; diligent and hardworking, a man of his craft. You know he doesn’t have the time to entertain you and your silly questions and hypotheticals, you know he’s not too fond of sweet touches and words of affection. You know this isn’t your typical relationship, but you don’t mind because you get to be with him— and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Save for when you sulk and feel so incredibly insecure and inadequate for a man such as himself.
Humans have needs. You are human, and you have needs. Dottore is a human (to some extent, though still technically human), so he, naturally, also has needs.
The issue lies in the enormous, metaphorical physical gap between you and your lover. Naturally, Dottore is essentially married to his craft, so getting any sort of action is usually out of the question. You can get a peck or two out of him, one in the morning and one at night (if you’re even awake to feel his scarred lips gently pressing into your cheek), but that’s where the list of physical affection ends.
You’ve talked about your desires and boundaries alike when you first (officially) started going out. The discussion didn’t leave out anything sexual in nature either; though the conversation was mostly led by you, while he simply nodded and pitched in with a word or two every so often.
It’s not to say you’ve never been physical with one another. But recently it’s been happening less and less, and you’ve been finding yourself in this position a lot more often; curled into yourself, lost in your own thoughts as you picked out every little detail about you that you were certain weren’t up to his standards. 
It’s only when you feel him shift next to you that you’re brought back to your shared bedroom, away from the rainy clouds stuffing your mind. 
Dottore shuts the book in his lap, keeping his right hand’s thumb wedged between the pages. He peers down at you with a curious expression, silently analyzing your suspicious silence. 
“You’re quieter than usual,” he comments, tone as flat as it could be. You crane your neck back to look up at him, the duvet covering most of your face as you wrack your brain for something to say. 
After a second of opening and closing your mouth, you finally say something. “’M just tired,” you murmur quietly, nuzzling deeper into the blankets to sell your point. He hums in response, placing his book on the nightstand next to his side of the bed and crosses his arms in front of him, brow quirked up in disapproval. Piercing red eyes stare down at you, making you hold back a shudder. Archons, you’d never get tired of seeing him without that ornate mask of his.
“It’s quite abnormal for you, of all people, to be silent when presented with the opportunity to have a conversation with me, uninterrupted” Dottore states, watching as you tense in your little cocoon. After a beat you emerge from your safety, chin just barely peeking out of the edge of the duvet. 
“...I had a long day.” You avoid looking at him, a pout gracing your lips. He huffs in response and runs a hand through his loose hair. “Long day you say?” Dottore keeps his composure intact, remembering the moments you’ve whined to him throughout the day about how completely and utterly bored you felt. 
“Mm. Long day, right,” he brings one hand down to hold onto the duvet and pulls it down, making you reach for the blanket to cover yourself up; though your efforts are in vain. “What’s on your mind.” 
The way he spoke to you sent shivers down your spine, shuddering at the way he spoke in a way he would when making a statement. 
“Nuhh... nothing. Nothing at all, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shift in the bed to cover yourself, even if it’s entirely unnecessary. The tee shirt you wore covered you plenty, but without the duvet you just felt so... exposed. Especially with how well Dottore could read your body language; it’s like you didn’t even need to say anything (because you didn’t). 
His gaze on you never relents as he scrutinizes your appearance; your furrowed brows, your hair sprawled across the pillow- still damp from your shower- and the way your lip trembles almost imperceptibly as you hold back the urge to talk about what’s been bothering you. He hates having to metaphorically twist your arm to get you to open up, but if that’s what he needed to do to keep you sane, he’d do it over and over again. 
Dottore scoots his body down to lay in the bed properly and turns to his side to face you, icy hair cascading down his neck as he pulls you in towards him with a hand on your waist. You squeak, tilting your head back so as to not invade his personal space. 
“What’s on your mind?” he asks, softer than before but still with a demanding tone. You shrink, avoiding looking into his eyes. 
“Nothi-” 
“I’m not in the mood for games.” He says your name quietly, thinly veiled with an unspoken warning. 
With a huff you bite the inside of your cheeks, and finally relent. You speak quietly and without even an ounce of confidence, earning a sharp sigh from your lover. 
“I can’t hear you when you mumble like th-” 
“I’m flat!” you practically shout. 
Dottore blinks back the whiplash that hit him in the face, stern expression fading into one of complete and utter perplexion. You don’t elaborate, staying quiet as a deep flush takes over your cheeks. 
“You’re... what?” 
He stares at you owlishly, for once at a loss for words. You nod, sitting up to properly articulate your feelings now that the cat was out of the bag. 
“My boobs are small! I have no ass! I’m... I look like a door!” You gesture at your chest, expression looking entirely distraught as you vent your feelings out to your lover. Your shoulders droop down unceremoniously, lips jutting out in a pout as you stare at the wall to avoid crossing Dottore’s gaze. The sound of the wind howling outside of your bedroom window morphs into what almost sounds like a laugh, as if mother nature herself was cackling at your expense.
“I feel bad when people see you with me. I can’t... I have such a bad gag reflex I can’t even take a third of your dick in my m-” 
He cuts you off by placing a hand on your shoulder, frown etched deep onto his face. If you looked closely you’d see red dusting the tips of his ears, contrasting against his hair. 
“You’re self-conscious because you have... small breasts and a... sensitive uvula?” Dottore says, his tone completely void of the confidence he usually carried. Fingers comb through your hair, light and gentle, as he thinks of what he can even say in response to your confession. 
You sniffle, looking down at yourself. The shirt you wore did little to help your smaller cup size— and as you frown at yourself, you bring a hand up and place it over one breast. “See, even my hand can cover them easily. My body doesn’t have even a little bit of curves.” 
Although at a loss, Dottore recovers from the absurdity of the situation in record time. He shifts your body so you’re now facing him, and very casually slips his hands underneath your shirt to cup your breasts. He speaks before you can, cutting off the slurry of complaints you had ready. 
“Have I ever complained about them?” he asks solemnly, forcing you to look at him. “As far as I’m aware I never have. Why bother being concerned over something so trivial?” 
His hands squeeze them gently, making you squeak in response. The more seconds pass, the more ashamed and flustered you feel for even bringing this up. As if a man of his caliber would even care for something like this, how stupid do you have to be to think of him as someone that only cared for looks?
“Well, no, but-” another squeeze cuts off your train of thoughts,” -b-but the rest...! Men like women with a fuller figure, I can’t even give you a titjob!” 
The words that flew out of your mouth made his head spin, from both irritation and embarrassment simultaneously. He inhales and exhales slowly, dragging his palms down to your ribs, then your waist, until they settle atop your hips. 
“I’ve never asked for anything of the sort,” he sighs, observing the changes in your face carefully. 
“Yeah, but-” 
“No ‘but’s. Your body is fine. It does not matter how it looks like from the outside; your organs are working properly, and you do not have any abnormalities forming anywhere inside or outside of it. How your figure looks holds little importance to me.” 
His words sink in, and you feel your invisible dog ears droop to rest flat on top of your head as you glance down at your lap, shame ringing in your ears. Dottore’s grasp tightens around your hips, demanding for your attention to be on him once again, refusing to let you sulk as long as he could help it.
“Although, putting functionality aside, do I need to remind you exactly what I think of your body? Shall I remind you how you make me feel whenever I see you parading around my office? How my body reacts to you?”
Your lips threaten to quirk up into a sheepish smile, but your shame still ate you up from the inside, keeping you from reacting. Your lover hums and flashes you a wolfish grin, leaning in towards your neck to nibble at your ear, teasing the flushed skin. 
“We do have the rest of the night to ourselves, don’t we? Want to find out just how much your body affects me, my love?”
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Text
(masterpost link)
Aaand we have returned to the madness on a larger scale! What are these cats up to...
#sighh #i know i've been away from dash sim posting for a while #was dealing with my last few days of school #but #that is Over Now #i can return to fulfilling everyone's need for Warrior Cats But Tumblr
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🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl Follow
PLEASE stop talking about the most recent TTDV slates without spoilers, it hasn't made its rounds to ShadowClan yet and I don't want to know what's going to happen before I read it!!!!
#ttdv discussion #ttdv:rp #through the desert vast #ttdv: rattlesnake path #ttdv #through the desert vast: rattlesnake path #especially since i heard the newest slates have seafowl in them a lot #he's my specialest guy...
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🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 reblogged
🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow
I think the worst thing about no longer being a Clan cat is that a lot of the time I have no idea what y'all over there are talking about. What is TTDV?
🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow
TTDV stands for Through the Desert Vast. It's a new slate series everyone's going bee-brained over... I haven't read it yet because I prefer for a series to be finished before reading, but I've heard good things. Queer rep within the first couple chapters of the first slate-set, a non-traditional setting and cast (a rogue group living in the desert), and complex characters... needless to say I'm excited for when it finishes and I can read it!
#it's been on my to-read list for a while #maybe this is a sign #it seems pretty cool #ttdv
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🔁 🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl reblogged
⛰️ fc-rockpaint Follow
In honor of Through the Desert Vast becoming popular, I've decided to make a rock-dye project on all of the main characters. Today's character is... Seafowl!
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Unfortunately I don't have the right paints to portray him accurately (I haven't been able to find any white herbs for his patches, but I'm still on the lookout!) but this is mostly accurate to how he is described in the slates.
🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow
Pssst... @s3afow1s--sc0wl
#eeeek! seafowl! #i looove him so much... my precious boy... #art #ttdv #ttdv seafowl #thanks for the tag!
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🔁 🌻 l1llyst3m reblogged
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
Aahhhh I've finally gotten into TTDV and... NOBODY was gonna tellme that one of the characters is heavily implied to be transfem? Nobody thought I'd find this interesting????
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
SCRATCH THAT. IT'S CANON. PIT VIPER IS CANONICALLY TRANS.
🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow
I had wondered if you were talking about Pit Viper when I saw this post a cople days ago! Apparently so ^w^ yeah, it's canon, gets confirmed in the second slate set.
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
This makes me wonder. Why is everyone on this site talking about Seafowl saying he gives "egg vibes" when we have. An actual confirmed trans character. Right here.
Nothing against Seafowl but the only vibe he gives off to me is traumatized.
🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow
He's your typical prettyboy cishet protagonist type and everyone is pissed off that he's a side character rather than ttdv's ✨️specialest boy✨️. So they're trying to make him special by claiming he gives off trans vibes when he clearly does not and is happy as a tom.
🌻 l1llyst3m Follow
#wait till op reads rattlesnake path
What do you mean by that-
#what do you MEAN by that— #im gonna need context #is this /pos or /neg #does something bad happen in rattlesnake path?? #help someone pls #through the desert vast #ttdv
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🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged
🥬 rxttencatmint
Im so fucking irritated... my mom wont let me read TTDV because it's "inApPrOpRiAtE." Which. Of course. Is because it has lgbtqia+ characters.
🥬 rxttencatmint
WONDEDFUL NEWS. MY MENTOR LET ME BORROW HIS COPY OF THE FIRST SET. AHHHHH!!!!! I GET TO READ IT!!
#YIPPEEEEE #òwó im so exCITED!!! #ive been wanting to read ttdv for a whileee #i love my mentor sm
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🪵 i-eat-moss Follow
My unpopular opinion (TTDV:RP SPOILERS INCOMING)
Keep reading
#ttdv:rp #ttdv #rattlesnake path spoilers #ttdv spoilers #ttdv:rp spoilers #nothing against pit viper!!! #i like her as a character #i just dont get why we got a whole book explaining her backstory
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🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow
I LOOOOVE RATTLESNAKE PATH SO MUCH. IVE JUST GOTTEN TO READ IT AND IM SO EXCITED. OMG.
Not only is it a whole set dedicated to my favorite character !!! like a dream come true!!! It ALSO contains good intersex rep (Ball Python my beloved!!!). Over all just a FANTASTIC set in a fantastic series.
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🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow
I'm... back?? I'M BACK ON CLANBLR!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO
#i thought i'd never get back #stuck on Tumblr...
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🍽 the-post-maker
I hope y'all enjoyed this insight into what the cats do when they get fandom-y... and if you want to discuss TtDV further... well, there's a server for that ;) now back to your regular dash
26 notes · View notes
myladysapphire · 8 hours
Text
My Lady Strong (VI)
Aemond had always been protective of his neice, obssessed even, insiting on keeping her sheltered, and purley his, he never let her stray far and following the incident at Driftmark, Aemma was rarley without Aemond as her shadow. How will the kind, sheltered girl fair in the dance of dragons?
word count: 3,100
CW: MDI 18+, toxic relationship, manipulation, mommy issues, bullying, co-dependancy issues, self harm, not beta read.
Fem!oc x dark!Aemond Targeryen
Masterlist | series masterlist | previous part | next part
disclamer:  i do not own any of claim any of the A song of ice and  fire characters, all rights belong to GRR MARTIN, all characters are his except for my OC
A/N sorry its been so long! forgot wehat direction i was going in with this story so going off the few notes i had left about this chapter! might be a few changes ive made from the last few chapters, but hopefully it all makes sense! but this story is gonna get dark and sad!
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Aemma had been pacing back and forth for the last hour, nerves clear on her face as her mother and brothers were set to arrive in only a days time.  She hadn’t spoken to her in what had felt like forever, and she had no idea on what too expect. She thought that perhaps she might have done something but thinking back on the countless letters she had written, she could not think of a single thing she could have possibly said. Perhaps taking Aemond’s side at Driftmark, or perhaps refusing to leave his side after the fact. 
She had made her complaint to Aemond, the morning after they had reconnected, he had simply laughed, “oh Aemma, do you really think your mother cares about you? She happily sent you of to wed me the second it was suggested.” He said as he brushed her hair for her, having dismissed her ladies so they could break their fast. “if she cared about you she would have demanded I got to Dragonstone, not you here, she simply wished to be rid of you.”
Aemma looked down, she refused to believe it, her mother had always preached how she was her favourite child, then again, after Driftmark her mother did just send her away, she would have visited her more or asked her to visit if it was true. “Really?” she asked tears in her eyes.
“oh of course” he smirked, “but do not worry dear, soon enough you shall be my wife and she will no longer have to even act as if she cared for you, and you will not have to care for her either.”
She shook her head, and looked up at him, meeting his smirk in the mirror “do you think she loves me still?”
“no” he replied instantly.
A tear fell from her eye “do you love me?” she near begged.
Aemond’s smirk widened, his eyes twinkling, “of course” she turned her head, and he instantly gripped her chin, “and you love me, don’t you?”
“no” she replied. His grip tightened slightly, “I do not know what it is to love Aemond, but perhaps…once we get to know each other more.”
He frowned. “We have known each other our who lives”
“Yes, but these past years we have been distant, I know nothing of you”.
“And whose fault is that” he said stepping away, “was it not for that bastard I would still have my eye! And you would love me!”
She stood up, following him, “how does-“he stopped her, turning around quickly to face her.                     
“Because it does!” he almost whined, “you were mine! And then you were handed to me on a silver platter and yet all you have done is whine about your mother and your stupid brothers!” he took a breath, allowing her an opportunity to speak.
“I begged to stay with you Aemond, I defended you and –“
“And you begged them to stay also!” she looked at him, she had never told him of the conversation with her mother.
“How do you know that?” she asked bewildered. “and what does that have to do with anything?”
“everything!” after what they did to me, to YOU! And you wanted them to stay” he shook his head, “I went to find you, I needed you and you were begging your mother to stay? Do you think I could forgive you?”
“Aemond-“ she was crying now.
“these past years I have grow into the man I knew you wanted, not the silly little boy you grew up with, but the man you need, my mother has been nothing but a mother to you, and yet you still crave that whore and those bastards”
“I’m sorry Aemond. “she said, reaching for his hands, “your right, I am so sorry, I just wanted my muna, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She caressed his hand, “but I didn’t want too lose you or her and yet I lost you both!” she whined, “I needed you too!” she cried, wrapping her arms around his waist.
She needed him. Aemond smiled, “goo. because I am all you will ever and have ever needed.” He said holding her to him, “your mother is here in formality over, and at the end of the week she will be nothing to you, I will be your everything, your husband, your protector, your Aemond.”
“And let me remind you sweet Aemma, that without me you would remain Lady strong, a princesses bastard. And yet you betrayed me, begged for our tormentors to stay and if that had happened do you think I would have been able to devote these past five years to becoming your protector, to become the man you desired?”
She shook her head.
“They were cruel to you, hated you. All because your mother favoured you, do you think they will have changed?”
She shook her head again, and started to think back, growing up all she had ever wanted was to marry Aemond, and have him be her protector and never have to see Jace and Luke again.
She had thought that after Driftmark she would never get that Aemond, he had changed the second that eye was taken from him. He became cold and cruel and there was even whispers he was mad.
“but-“she started to speak, a part of her felt like he had turned into them.
He had tormented her for years and now he seemed to be perfect for her. It didn’t make sense.
“But what?” he asked, suddenly moving closer to her.
“you have been cruel, ignoring me then you started to torment me, sending me the heads of Aemma’s roses, as if you were threatening me.”
He shook his head, “I don’t know what your talking about”
“yes you do!”
“no Aemma, your confused, I sent you Aemma’s roses, to show I was thinking of you , and I never cut there heads of” he laughed, “and I only ignored you as I felt so hurt by what you did”
“i- but you cut of-“ she shook her head, “I-I I’m so confused, Aemond I- perhaps I should ask Cassandra, she has a better memory than me –“
“no Aemma, your just misremembering, you’ve always had trouble with remembering things” he said, “and do you not trust me?” he said sounding sad.
she shook her head, “of course not- I, just I thought you hated me for whatever reason and now I must have thought your acts were of torment and not …love” she said unsure.
“it okay Aemma, I know you struggle and I know you have always had difficulties with things” he said softly, “I was hurt and scared you would hate me too, I should have been more upfront, it is all my fault” he said, pulling her into a hug, “I know you are sorry, and I am too”/
He wasn’t, he loved the look on her face when she opened the box of cut of Aemma’s rose heads, loved the way she was scared, but he also realised years of ignoring her had made him seem untrustworthy, and he feared he made a mistake, he had a new strategy to play. At first he wantec her to be scared and run to him for help, but it seems her ladies and beloved Cassandra had gotten in the way of that plan, and made him the villain.
He supposed he had to get them out of the way.
Since that conversation, Aemond had made sure she did not leave his side.
Saying how he missed her dearly, and realising how much he needed her and pushing her away had hurt him more than it hurt her.
She had felt so badly for him, and before he knew it they were back to their old habits, were she went he went, she would even ask him too choose all her clothes, even serve her dinner.
She forgot how simple life was with Aemond, how happy and easy he made her life.
And Aemond was loving it, he loved getting to control every detail about her, she would dress how he liked, believing it her choice to let him pick, she would follow him everywhere, meaning he no longer had to follow her.
The only problem was that her ladies maids were still in the way. They ere there when she woke, and dressed, giving question stares as he would enter her rooms, whispering in her ear about things Aemma would never reveal.
He wasn’t jealous just angry.
He had been hurt all those years ago and ignored her because he wanted to be better. Become the best possible Aemond, become her protector and a man who would never again loose his eyes to is silly little nephews, and someone who would never let them hurt Aemma again.
And it was blatantly obvious that his ignoring of her head made her annoyingly close to her little friends.
He had hidden letters from her mother the first year, then they came less and less, before stopping altogether. He would allow a few of Aemma’s letters to be sent, not before reading them himself. He wanted her too feel isolated, but that had failed, and now it would be too suspicious for Aemma to receive the letters her mother had sent over the years, especially as he had read them all and hated the love his sister had for her daughter, hated that no matter how hard he wanted to hide it, her mothers return would only pull them apart once more.
So he realised the game of isolation needed to change and to get ride of the Ladies he must earn their trust, so he wooed them, by sitting in at their gatherings and showing undivided devotion to Aemma, there was still the issue of Cassandra Baratheon. She despised him, and he here. She was brash and loud, and Aemma’s best friend. 
He wasn’t jealous, no, not at all. Not jealous of the way she effortless laughed at her jokes or talked to her without having the perplexed and wanted to please look in her eyes that’s she did with him.
He watched the bitterly as they chatted the day away. She seemed to light up around Cassandra, and he hated it.
“Are you nervous about you mother and brothers return?” Cassandra asked, sipping her tea.
“yes, especially my mother” she sighed, stirring her tea “I did receive a letter from my brothers this morning” she reviled, much to  Aemond’s surprise. He had ordered all letters addressed to Aemma be sent to him straight away, how this had escaped him – “I had waited in the ravenry for a reply for my letter, and one had just arrived when I got there.” She reviled, answering what Aemond was wondering.
“what did it say?” Cassandra and Aemond asked simultaneously.
“Luke and Jace were asking about how I am , and saying they were sorry if their actions in our youth  and wish for us to reconnect upon there return.” She replied.
“you will do no such thing” Aemond spoke, standing up.
“And why not?” Cassandra asked, clearly unhappy at Aemond.
“because of how they have always treated her!2
“oh please, they were children!” Cassandra spoke, now standing alongside Aemond, “ they have apologized and wish to know there sister, and from what Aemma has told me, I and my sisters have done far worse to each other than they did to her!”
Aemond scoffed, “please, they were bullies, they locked her in the black cells!”
“they- they what?” Cassandra asked, no looking towards Aemma.
“i- its true they did, but they have apologised incessantly since then.” Aemma said, trying to diffuse the situation, “they are my brothers, and they.. they said sorry”
“You still have nightmares Aemma” Aemond spoke, now moving back to his seat and taking her hands in his.
This perplexed Aemma she had never not once told Aemond of her dreams, especially of that night, he himself had always felt partly responsible for it, having taken so long to find her, and having left her alone that night. “what?” she asked, “I never told you about my dreams…”
Aemond flinched sightly, realising his mistake, and Cassandra herself took on an angry expression, “how do you know of those dreams Prince Aemond?” she asked, moving herself closer to Aemond and Aemma, as if to protect her.
“i- she is to be my wife, I only took a concern when the guards said she would often wake screaming.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“but that still-“ Aemma started, slowly removing her hands from Aemond.
“don’t concern yourself too much Aemma I simply stood guard to ensure you did not try to harm  yourself.”
Aemma flinched, Aemond cant know about that, no one does. Not even her maids. She had always kept her arms covered, he cant know.
Her eyes betrayed her, showing a scared expression, an expression both Aemond and Cassandra took to be scared about hurting herself.
“I – I” she stuttered, “I don’t know what you-“
“don’t worry Aemma, nothing bad happened, and your brothers wont get anywhere near you” Aemond spoke.
Aemma nodded, trying to mask her own fear of Aemond potentially knowing her secret to make it look like she feared her brothers.
Her parents were set to arrive on the morrow, and All Aemma could do was twist and turn. Dreams had been plaguing her. Ever since the black cells she has been getting premonitions, dreams of what was to come, dreams that have come true.
She supposed she was lucky, Helenas dreams caused her to speak in riddles, some even called her mad. When in truth Aemma was the one who was mad. She scratched and bleed as she dreamed, tearing at the skin on her arm. Her hands felt like they were soaked in blood, her nails turned red, as she scratched and teared. She dreamt of herself, she was married with children, but one was dead. She killed him. She must have, blood was on her hands, on her dress her face. Her other children cowered in the corner, flinching away from her.
“a son for a son!” she woke up gasping, the words ringing in her head.
Her bed sheets were stained in her blood, her arms scarred. The wounds from her last dream only just having healed.
She couldn’t help it, it was if her only escaped from her dreams was to harm herself. Perhaps it had been the three years of isolation she had felt so alone, where the dreams controlled her. She would send days and days tuck in the loop. Until one day her mother wrote to her of needing alliances and how her and Alicent had chosen her ladies. Her ladies had saved her, Cassandra specifically. She would wake her up, help her dress, and for once Aemma had a reason to escape her dreams. But then Aemond’s neglect and ignorance of her had turned cruel, calling her “my lady strong”, a name he had only just stopped calling her.
But something haunted her as she paced around her chambers, Aemond’s torment had put a stop to her dreams, the dreams were there was no dancing dragons, or no blood-soaked hands and gowns. Instead the dreams were of dragon snapping dragons neck, storm soaked nights and screams. And then since this week her nightmares have been full of crying, begging and blood. And now this.
It seemed no matter what her life would be full of tears and screams, and death.
“Aemma.” Cassandra said, walking into her chambers, alongside the rest of her ladies, Cerci Lannister, Cerelle Costayne, Margaret Fossway and Rosia Tyrell.
She had not slept since being awoken from her dreams, she had bathed and dressed, applied ointment to her scares, and had proceeded to pace her rooms nonstop.
She was worried, her mother would be here soon, and she had no ideas what she would be like.
She knew nothing of her, and she feared her mother may no longer love her. And well she was nervous about her wedding, and the wedding night. Aemond and Alicent had told her about it in the past week, and she was scared. And she just needed her Muna.
“how are you feeling?” Cersi asked.
“I am nervous” she admitted.
“of course, you will be wed on the morrow, you are bound to be nervous” Margaret added.
“well i-“
“but think, you will get to marry someone who loves you!” Rosia gushed.
“yes you are so lucky!” Cerelle complained, she had received news yesterday of her father engaging her to some man who had been married twice before and she had never met.
“oh Cerelle, he’s old hell probably die before you can wed.” Aemma said nonchalantly, and Cassandra laughed as she watched Aemma gasp at her own words. “sorry, just today the first time I will see my mother and brothers in years. I’m nervous”
Cassandra grabbed her hand, caressing home gently, “it’ll be okay, I’m sure.” She then looked to Cerelle “ and Aemma’s right, he’s what eight and seventy, he could croak at nay moment!” they all laughed, and for the first time that day Aemma’s mind was finally taken of what was to come.
She stood in the courtyard wating for their arrival, alongside her stood alone, Alicent having to have leave only moments ago to take care of something. She had done all her wedding planning with Alicent, she had comforted her when she cried over her mothers lack of care over her wedding, and visiting her despite her countless letters over the years. But Alicent seemed nervous, as if she was waiting for something or scared of something, and even more so when she had to leave.
After a few moments a carriage finally arrived in the courtyard, and her mother was the first to step out.
She wanted to run to her, to hug her and tell her how she had missed her. But her dream, it rang in her head.
“A son for a son” that all she could hear, and a voice in her head told her it was her mother’s fault, that her mother would force her to kill her son. She didn’t want to think it, but her mothers face, her blood soaked hands and a headless child was all she could see.
She made her way slowly walking down the steps the greet them.
“muña, lēkia” she greeted, a smile gracing her face. “welcome home”
Taglist (bold means could not tag)
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not-goldy · 23 hours
Note
Errr... we can like Jungkook and not like the music he releases.
Same for Jimin and all the members.
Just because we like the artist doesn't mean we must like everything they put out as music.
Iam sure if Hybe had allowed Jk time, his debut album would have been different.
Iam sure you heard Jk. He liked Seven. He didn't like Snty much but he went with it coz of scooter and bang pd. The rest of the songs were just scooter's collection. Iam not going to fight for a list of songs that SCOOTER THOUGHT is right for JK.
When Jungkook returns, he'll make his own album. And that will be special.
Absolutely
same goes to those of us who genuinely like every single song on the Albums too 😁
He as the Artist can hate any song he doesn't like, but it wouldn't negate how WE feel about the song if we in fact do like it.
I've said this once and I will say it again, given how this is everyone's first solo attempts THEY ALL GET A PASS IN MY BOOKS. I don't care who wrote what and who didn't, what I care about is them making the effort to Kickstart their solo careers without overthinking it.
Ive seen many artists disappear into obscurity for fear to try.
I personally haven't had enough songs from them to even begin to determine their unique voices their unique genres and niche. They are allowed to experiment with different types of songs and not everyone of them will be to the taste of their audience and that's okay.
Art is art. I personally dont judge music based on whether or not it is well received by an audience- many songs rise to popularity years after they are released and even sometimes long after the artist is gone. Case in point Lizzo.
Audience reaction isn't the determiner of good music. As long as they are happy with it, it is art. It is their truth. It may succeed it may blow up it is what it is.
But also isn't making songs just to please fans the very same thing yall are even accusing Jungkook of?? You are criticizing him of making trendy songs just for the sake of it but also expecting him to make songs yall will like and deem acceptable. 😬
I think they are doing well. It will take many tries for some, some will get it the first time- but that is the beauty of music.
I am not a critic I am a consumer and a supporter. I support their career I do want to see them thrive. They all have so much potential I will be more than happy to see them achieve their full potential
But I am not going to be the one to berate them, bombard them with negative reviews hate on them under the disguise of being objective when I genuinely enjoy what they do.
And I do enjoy all the songs they've released so far. Yall can't force me not to like them 🤣
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Seven days a week
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perfectsunlight · 12 hours
Text
𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 [𝟏𝟏]
𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲.
𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 1k
𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲
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the ambiance of the hospital could be summed up in three words: sterile, quiet, and tense.
the sterile scent of disinfectant lingered in the air while the quiet hum of machinery and the occasional beep of monitors provided a backdrop to hushed conversations and footsteps. 
ning never thought she’d end up in a hospital. however given her circumstance, it was obviously inevitable. obviously drinking and taking molly was obviously not the best idea. 
you stayed by the idol’s side while jimin and minjeong explained to ning what had happened to her. it was a long conversation, but you didn’t pay attention to most of it. you were too focused on the iv in ningning’s arm and the sound of her heartbeat playing on machines. 
there were countless nights you spent in close proximity with the idol, but you felt like memorizing her features as she sat next to you. 
eventually, the other members exited the room to give yizhuo her rest. you stood up to take your leave as well, but before you could exit the room, ningning spoke out.
“why did you come with them?”
silence wasn’t able to fill the room due to the machines present, but there was a tension that seemed to thicken after the obvious was spoken. slowly, you turned to face the chinese girl. you didn’t even like the idea of her being in a hospital bed, let alone feeling like it was your fault. you had to remind yourself that it wasn’t. after all, you didn’t know of ning’s true feelings.
or even your own, for that matter. 
“because i was worried.”
yizhuo’s eyes softened at your words, a flicker of vulnerability breaking through her usual confident demeanor. she looked down at the iv in her arm, her fingers lightly tracing the tube. she didn’t like that you were here because of what she had done.
“why?” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. “i didn't want to drag you into this," she added, her voice tinged with regret.
“you're not dragging me into anything. i chose to be here because,” you paused while yizhuo's gaze met yours, and for a moment, she felt her heart stop. yours was beating out of your chest, but you knew you had to at least say something about how you felt. 
“i care about you. we all do. but especially me.”
nothing could’ve prepared ning for those words coming out of your mouth. she had daydreamed and fantasized about you saying you cared. but for some reason, it didn’t feel real hearing it out loud in reality.
“especially you?” she repeated, her tone almost hopeful. you swallowed hard, feeling the weight of the moment. it wasn’t anything outstanding, but it was the truth. 
you cared about ning yizhuo. and she cared about you.
“yes, especially me,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “i don't know what i'd do if something happened to you.”
it was quiet. ningning didn’t know what to do. she hated the quiet, but right now, it was the only thing keeping her emotions at bay. she knew this moment wasn’t one she wanted to mess up like the last times.
not like the night at the club, or another night in her bedroom. she didn’t want your conversation to go like any of the other times she was a coward and ran from her feelings.
she wanted to make this go right.
her eyes showed the conflict and hesitation in them. even you could see how her emotions were brewing. “i don't want to mess this up," she admitted, her voice trembling. “i don’t want you to hate me.”
all her life, yizhuo never had someone who willingly wanted to be there for her. sure, her members were there for her, but they started out as co-workers and then became friends.
you were the only person who wanted to be there for her from the start.
while you stood there, you couldn’t help but feel your heart ache at the vulnerability in ningning's voice, and you reached out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from her face. 
“ning, i could never hate you,” you whispered, your voice filled with sincerity. “i care about you too much for that.”
the idol’s gaze softened, and she reached out to grasp your hand, holding onto it. part of her never wanted to let it go.
“thank you,” she murmured, her voice filled with gratitude and something more profound. “for everything.” 
you squeezed her hand gently, feeling a sense of warmth and connection between you. “anytime, ning,” you replied softly, a small smile playing on your lips. “i'm here for you, always.”
her gaze softened as she looked at you, a flicker of vulnerability in her eyes. she didn’t want you to leave yet.
“can you stay with me?” she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “while i sleep, i mean.”
your heart skipped a beat at her request, and you nodded without hesitation. you didn’t want to leave her yet, either. “of course,” you replied softly, a gentle smile tugging at your lips. “i'll be right here.”
she gave you a grateful smile, her fingers tightening around yours. “thank you,” she murmured as she pulled you into her side. the aespa member pulled the hospital bed’s blanket over the both of you. you grabbed your phone and quickly checked the time before shutting your phone off.
her eyes fluttered closed as exhaustion finally caught up with her. as she drifted off to sleep, her breathing gradually became steady and even. you watched over her, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you as you sat by her bedside, your presence a silent promise of comfort for the girl.
in that quiet hospital room, amidst the soft glow of the evening light and the steady rhythm of ningning's breathing, you knew that this was where you belonged. 
by her side, through thick and thin, one step at a time.
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𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧: @jiihu @silantryoo @rosiehrs @craftymasterlistcomicsprune @skisk1 @jisooftme @babycubchae @yunjinhart @pandamiswifey @jenoteamo @lcv3lies  @pagedpick7 @bexisbomb @lcv3lies @lauxymy4 @justalittledissociation @captivq @jeindall777
CLOSED.
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backsideattackkkk · 23 hours
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you hate the columfags so much but I want to hear your thoughtz,,,,Who do you think was dyl's halycon girl?
oh yippie. i've already answered this before, but i like to yap, so thank you anon :]
my main thought is: dylan did not love one girl, he circled around numerous girls that he thought he was in-love with, but in reality was just in-love with love, and that it could save him from his misery.
in klebold's journal, specifically the page dated: 1/2/98, the text reads:
man I dont know what's up lately...never do in existence. All this shit w. [edited] and [edited] friends.... so wierd & different from past... yet again, thats the way in existence. I wonder if i ll ever have a love...my love. [edited] got his, I dont, wont ever get mine. Here's all the people ive loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) - all the same meaning.
followed by this image:
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now he says "all the same meaning" and because of the hearts, I will assume the list is of people he had crushes on or thought he was "in-love with".
perhaps the halcyon girl was part of this list, or maybe these are past crushes, but still it gives an insight that dylan was not focused on just one girl and he was just kinda having little crushes on girls and was somehow convincing himself (that at least some) were 'true love'.
I've seen a few names thrown around. those being:
rachel joy scott
marla foust
kristen theibault
erin boortz
i'll try to explain why each girl has been said to might've been her halcyon girl, there's a LOT of info for some, and I'm just typing what I remember.
why rachel joy scott? oh boy.
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the letter R in the heart drawn in the klebold's diary. but there is no direct information about them being close. like at all. other than they both had devon as a mutual friend. they knew each other and probably only just because of the saved performance.
why marla foust? marla is picked mainly for two reasons: the acoustic poem, the mention of "mara" in klebold's writings and that he supposedly asked her to prom.
In his journal entry of november '97 called "ThoughtS":
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"church was so fun.... the rec thing w. mara". there's speculation that he just misspelled her name, which isn't far fetched seeing that he misspelled his own middle name at some point.
the acoustic poem:
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there's 10 letters, marla foust, is 10 letters. it's possible to fit her name in:
M is for the moments of joy she gives me A is for how she Always Leaves me helpless with her beautiful gaze. R is for the RARE moments she shares w. me L is for the Lost & found love that I've been Looking for all my Life A is the Aspect of us as a couple. F how Fondly i hope to spend time with her O how she is the only one i love, that i have ever Loved U is for the universe where we can Look at the stars. S How Supremely beautiful she is T Her Taste for everything she does.
as for the prom, marla told investigators at one incident klebold asked her to prom, but had to declined his offer because she already had a date. (however some people think she lied about that because dylan didn't even know the date to prom and robyn had to basically beg him to go).
why kristen theibault? klebold a girl in his june ‘97 entry called "my 1st love??":
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“such a strange name, like mine”, the theory is derived because of her last name, ‘theibault’ pronounced a lot like ‘klebold’. plus, kristen not only have friends in the TCM, (joe stair, chris morris and tad boles) she and dylan definitely knew each other at-least, to the point that dylan's dad mentioned her.
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why erin boortz? again, the acoustic poem, but instead, with erin:
E = is for the (everlasting, eternal, ecstatic) joy she gives me R = is for how she (renders) me helpless with her beautiful gaze I = is for the innocent (infinite, intense) moments times she shares w. me N = is for the (new, newly) found love that I've been looking for all my life B = is the (both, beauty) of us as a couple O = is for how (often) I hope to spend time with her O = is for she is the (only) one I love, that I have ever loved. R = is for the (roof) where we can look at the stars T = is for how (truly, totally, terrifyingly) beautiful she is Z = her (zeal, zest) for everything she does
fun fact: erin's chevy blazer was hit with bullets during the shooting. I can't find much info about her than that lol.
that's about all I can think about tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of these girls, or maybe all of them at some point. or just a few. I've seen some people say he may had feelings for devon, but who knows.
a few things from his journal like:
"girls i know (mainly [edited] & [edited]), how i know i can never have them, yet i can still dream..." - mentions two girls and how he can't be with them.
"The one who I thought was my true love, [Edited], is not. Just a shell of what I want the most... The meanest trick was played on me - a fake love... She in reality doesn't give a good fuck about me... doesn't even know me..... I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!!" - ok. so bro really has the habit of just saying some girls are his true love and then realize they aren't. u see what i'm saying? he was playing hot potato.
"Goodbye all the crushes ive ever had, just shells.... images, no tu truths... BUT WHY?" - alright, first. crushes. plural. and again, frustration that said girl(s) didn't meet his halcyon expectations.
"[Edited] who i think i love deeper than ever... I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral... deeper & deeper it goes. to cuddle w. her, to be one w. her, to love; just laying there." - ok. see, and now he just goes to another chick he's SUREEE is his true love.
"I don't know my love: could be [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or anyone. I don't know & im sick of not KNOWING!! to be kept in the dark is a punishment!!!" - this could go on forever, but i think my point is made. he didn't love one girl, he was just desperate for something of "not knowing". he just wanted something or in this case, someone to save him.
tldr: dylan was lonely and just wanted some girl and the love they'd have to "save him".
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writerpetals · 3 days
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Group: (g)i-dle
Member: Yuqi
Song : Good luck, babe!
Artist: Chappell Roan
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ive never heard this song before so i hope i did it justice! i really like it, so thanks for the rec! haha (this is a tad bit angsty but it all comes together in the end lol)
You never expected to see her here. Honestly, you never expected to see her again. A flame that once burned so bright years ago for your best friend died in just as many years. So to see her walk through the door of the club you bartend at threatens the safe you were forced to lock that flame inside. The memories of almost kisses and words left unsaid flood your mind. You can’t even move until a co-worker rushes past you with drinks in her hand, bumping your shoulder to bring you back to reality.
It doesn’t take long for her to find you. Her eyes lock on your own as she sits at a table close by with her new friends. It’s almost as if you see the light leave her eyes once she realizes it’s you. She’s far away from the town you both grew up in. Maybe she thought she would always be safe from running into you. 
However, your assumptions are shot down as she makes her way to the bar, heading straight for you. Nervously, she tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear before taking a seat at the bar. It’s a habit she’s always had, so it’s no surprise as her eyes fall to her lap, suddenly losing the courage to look at you. 
“Hi there, stranger.” You’re the first to speak, having to yell over the music to make sure she heard you. You’ve never been afraid of conflict or awkward situations. And after growing apart from your best friend after so long, you aren’t sure why she’s sitting in front of you at your bar, but your heart is racing to find out.
“I thought I would find you here,” she says, a hesitant smile on her lips. 
“You were looking for me?” you ask, trying to seem more nonchalant at her response than you are. You begin to wipe down glasses in front of you to prepare them for filling with alcohol, but you’re keyed into her every word. 
“I’ve… been thinking about you…” She tries to explain, but the music is too loud, too many people are being rambunctious around her, and someone spills a drink at the bar two seats down. She’s beginning to lose the confidence she came in here with, so you pull her back in before you can lose her once again. 
“Come with me,” is all you say with a nod of your head toward a door to the side of the bar. 
Quickly, she gets up to follow you to the back of the club, exiting into a hallway where the bass still vibrates off the walls, but you can hear a little better. You take a glance behind you to make sure she’s still there as you step into a supply closet for more privacy. 
The dim lighting shines above the two of you, getting a closer look at her when neon lights aren’t flashing. She’s just as beautiful as she is in your dreams. God, you’ve missed her. Even if the two of you drifted apart and went your separate ways in life, there’s no denying that flame is still ignited inside of you with burning red embers. You’ve missed her like crazy. 
There’s no doubt about it. Not even just because your heart grew too big for what either of you were ready for, but you miss her friendship. Her laughter. Her kindness and her care. They way you would watch stupid moves together and dance along to the silliest songs. You’ve just missed her, and you still do.
“So… how’s what’s his face doing?” There’s a bitterness to your tone. You don’t try to hide it. 
“What’s his face? You mean my husband?” She laughs with hesitation, then her voice lowers. “My... ex-husband, I mean.” 
Your heart skips a beat. “What… happened?” You tell yourself to breathe. You should be relieved, but your heart aches. Was she hurt? Did it end on bad terms? Is she okay? Years apart will never change wanting her to be okay. 
“I just…” She shrugs, looking down at the concrete floor beneath you. “I don’t know. I woke up one day and realized that life wasn’t for me. It’s not who I am, and I shouldn’t have tried to change for anyone.”
You bite your lip, mind racing. You want to be mad at her for never reaching out, but you’re angry at yourself for never checking in on her. Who made her feel like she had to change? The social butterfly with the most bubbly personality and cutest laugh was not good enough for someone? 
“I’ll kill them,” you say, narrowing your eyes, but your tone is now playful. She giggles at the words, and it’s a sound you’ve been dying to hear for so long. “Are you… alright?”
“I don’t want that.” She shakes her head. “I’m okay, though.”
“What do you want?” you question. There’s still a matter of why she is here, now. 
She bites her bottom lip, taking a moment before she can meet your eyes again. “I really just want to dance with my best friend again. And… after so long, I really just hope she wants to dance with me, too.” 
Hearing her words, there’s no use trying to keep that flame locked away. It’s hot and bright, burning for a love you lost once and refuse to let it get away again. You don’t think twice about reaching for her, grabbing her by the waist to pull her in. She goes with ease, allowing you to guide the two of you to a comfortable rhythm of your bodies moving in sync. 
“There’s not a day that went by that I didn’t think of you,” she admits, her voice a soft whisper inches from your lips. “After all this time, you’re still the only one on my mind. I knew it couldn’t be guilt from walking away from you. My mind just wasn’t ready to listen to my heart.”
Her confession has tension coiling behind your eyes. You don’t want to cry. This moment of being reunited is too perfect, but you can’t help when the first tear hits your cheek. So many years of longing, of wondering where it went wrong, of wishing to change the past and now she’s here, right in front of you. 
As you dance with her, she leans in to press her lips to your cheek, kissing right where the tears are falling. 
“Are you listening to your heart now?” you ask her, holding her tighter, pulling her body closer.
She smiles as she reaches to brush away any remaining tears on your face, ignoring her own that begin to well behind her lids. “I’m listening to my heart.” She leans in ever so slowly to press her lips to your own. The softness of her kiss takes you by surprise, never having believed this moment would come true. “And my heart says it wants you and only you.”
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brodudemanbroski · 10 months
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septober 54-12, 2076
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Is it just me or do I feel like iv would use his jacket to mark the girl he liked. Back off cunts she’s taken sort of vibes. Maybe you could write something along those lines?
I think about this a lot myself, so I definitely understand you and genuinely agree. Also III is being a bestie in this one.
His mark
It started so innocently. The whole band was hanging behind the stage after the concert. The conversation was light with people reaching in to nibble on some food and drinks. Your stage outfit, as nice as it was to jump around on stage while the huge lights shined on your body, now that you were in the dim of the back rooms did little to keep you warm. And you so could have just excused yourself from the conversation with the girls, knowing full well that they wouldn’t mind holding the conversation off for a couple of minutes but you just didn’t want to somehow break the atmosphere.
That’s when you felt it. The weight pressing on your shoulders. The heat instantly radiated from the leather that was being so casually draped over your body. Crocking your head to the side you saw none other than IV. But you didn’t even have to look. The smell of him, so familiar and at this point engraved into your brain gave him away. “Could hear your teeth clacking together from across the room, it’s so annoying”, he grunted, clearly trying to seem more annoyed than he was. “My apologies and you shouldn’t have tasked yourself with coming to my rescue”, you sassed back, slipping your arms through the sleeves. “Sometimes my kindness surprises even me”, IV shrugged, leaning equipment boxes. “We will grab some more food”, the girls chirped, making you snap your head back at them, completely forgetting that they were there in the first place.
“Is it bad that I secretly fantasized about wearing this?”, you asked so out of the blue that you were almost convinced that you heard IV choke on his drink, “This is the coolest thing I’ve seen in a long while”. IV stayed silent for a moment before that shit-eating grin spread across his face, “See, depends on what these fantasies entail”, he muttered, clearly delighted with himself. Now it was you who gasped, pushing his chest slightly as you both giggled away.
The next time it happened was in the middle of the show. The open stage, as nice as it was for some parts of the summer, wasn’t all that friendly when the summer rains split the skies. While the first two songs in soaked clothes were kind of refreshing. Rain alsp brought a lower temperature, slowly settling the tremble into your hands. That’s when a familiar figure sauntered closer but you didn’t give it much thought. IV often found himself close to you and the girls. It was his nature, well all of theirs. That’s until IV pulled his guitar off, setting it down and shrugging out of his jacket.
With your eyes already glued on him, you watched him lifting the jacket closer to you. All you could do was shake your head, “Are you insane?”, you mouthed. It was one thing doing stuff like that around the people in the team. A whole different story when fans were involved. “Put it on or I will put it on you”, IV stated flatly. Throwing the jacket up.
The logic within you told you to ignore it. Let it drop. But you couldn’t. It was way too precious. Someone had spent hours making it and it was also his. But just because it was in your hands didn’t mean you had to put it on. You could just hold it for him. Well, wrong. Cause IV dared to cross his arms over his chest as he watched you, and knowing his stubborn ass he would stand there till you did what he had told you to. With an excessive eye roll, you threw the jacket over your shoulder, pushing some of the wet strands away and clinging to your face. “Happy?”, you mouthed, but IV only winked at you before returning to the front of the stage.
And more often than not this had turned into a norm. Going to the bus? His jacket is on your body. Right before the show while the jitters are insane? His jacket. Walking through the backstages while preparing? Band meetings? Rehearsals? The list could go on and on. But since it brought you the same sense of comfort you never voiced it out loud. Too afraid that if you pointed it out he would turn the other way and run for the hills.
“So, where’s your guard dog?”, III's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Smiling you rolled your eyes, pushing a pack of goldfish towards him. “Maybe guarding someone else”, you shrugged, making III snort, “Nice try, I bet all of his security alarms are ringing off right this minute”. You frowned slightly at his words. “Oh come on, tell me that you don’t see a pattern?”, III tilted his head to the side in disbelief. “He’s just been sweet”, you muttered, “Plus, I had told him that I have frog hands and feet. I’m constantly cold”.
III just shook his head, “We all know that but do you see me running after you with a blanket?”. You huffed, letting your mouth drop, “Is this your way of telling me that secretly hate me”, you gave him the best version of puppy dog eyes. “Girl, I held your hair back while you threw up a bottle of tequila, I don’t do that for people I don’t care about”, he pointed out. You leaned in, warping your arms around his lean body, “And that is why I like you”, you muttered again his chest.
Someone cleared their throat and you instantly pulled back. Not far from you two stood IV. The fire in his eyes burning out of control. You expect III to pull back but instead, he casually slung his arm over your shoulders. “In need of a hug too?”, he teased, IV eyes burning holes in his bandmate's face. “Just wondering why you needed one”, IV said through gritted teeth. “Oh, come on, I hug you all good morning and goodnight, don’t start playing favorites”, you slapped III on his chest, pulling out of his hands.
IV equally didn’t waste any time stepping closer to you. And as if it had become your secret skin, the jacket pressed down onto your shoulders. III let out a laugh, shaking his head, “Loud and clear mate, loud and clear”, he saluted before turning back. “Why are you in a pissy mood?”, you crossed your arms over your chest, turning to face IV. His eyes are still on III. “I don’t like when people mess with what’s mine”, he muttered, snatching all air out of your lungs. “What is that supposed to mean”, you muttered, letting him pull you closer to him. “Don’t worry your head about it for now”, IV leaned in pressing a kiss to your temple.
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lover-of-mine · 1 year
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positivelyadhd · 1 year
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I truly encourage you to add things that simply bring you joy to your list of things to do that day.
it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as making your favourite drink or food for lunch or spending some time on a hobby or watching a show you enjoy.
adding things to look forward to and giving yourself time to experience those things is just as important as doing every other thing on that list.
you're allowed to plan to do things for no other reason than it makes you happy.
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batcavescolony · 4 months
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I feel like people aren't getting it. In. The. Books. Perseus. Jackson. Is. An. Unreliable. Narrator. This goes for everything he thinks. Percy loves his mother, so he writes her praises. In the show we get to see what Sally does from an outside POV not filtered through a child that idolizes his mother. It's not ooc for Sally to act like she does in the show. she's a single mother raising a neurodivergent, Demigod, and she's scared that when the Gods get to him they'll corrupt him. She's not suddenly a girl boss we're getting to see her for how she is.
#percy jackson#sally jackson#“sHe sToOd uP tO gABe sHe wOuLdnT dO tHat' she did it because percy needed to get to montock so she could tell him about how hes a demigod#sally as a character will do anything for her son. gabe being abusive doesnt negate what she needs to. do for her son. in in the book the#second gabe was no longer needed she turned him into a statue and sold him to to the highest bidder. she was putting up with the abuse for#percys sake. and this is then woman that grebbed a gun and started fighting in the battle of Manhattan. shes not weak. you can be two things#she can be motherly and strong. and obviously she has her douts. she thinks shes failing. she called posiden when it was too much and he#reassured her she was doing her best and she needs to do what she thinks is best. and we are only seeing some scenes#we're seeing whats relevant to the plot and whats relative is sally preparing Percy. and she obviously cares for her son and her son for her#she has to be a good mother cus percy is literally going to the underworld to save her. just stfu about the book#ive read the books to but some of you are awful. like no adaptation is to the letter. somethings had to be cut or glossed over and some are#changed because money or that a book is a different medium then a show or movie! you cant do everything cus its impossible.#were in a completely different pov. we're not in Percys head seeing his thoughts.#pjo series#pjo#pjo tv show#percy jackson and the olympians#percy series#batcavescoloy watches the PJO tv show#batcavescolony watches
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mishy-mashy · 8 days
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Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much
He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks
He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye
From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,
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He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running
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When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.
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This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.
Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.
Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.
Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.
A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?
His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)
He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)
He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)
He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.
Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.
The first thing they perceive is a person's character.
When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.
Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.
Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.
If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."
Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.
Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.
It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.
When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.
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Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.
The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.
When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive
He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*
En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.
"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."
Too. TOO.
KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.
I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,
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- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first
- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.
- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.
He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP
(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])
- "Too."
- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far
Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is
1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy
2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience
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Even if only in thought, STILL!
KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!
I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool
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> [Be me and watch your new friend die]
> [I have Yoichi's Factor]
> [It's like I carry his will now]
> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]
> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]
> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]
> [I win]
> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]
> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]
> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]
> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]
> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]
> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]
SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!
When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.
Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.
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All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.
[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?
Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.
He explains
- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first
- his Quirk
- why Quirks are Quirks
- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next
- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"
When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.
Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.
I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes
It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.
AFO never reflected anyone.
But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.
"Yoichi?"
"He's gone."
"You killed him, Demon Lord."
And AFO hated that reminder.
Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.
And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.
Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.
He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.
Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.
Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.
Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.
Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.
Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."
But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.
Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.
Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.
Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.
Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.
Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.
Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.
But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.
Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.
Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.
Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.
He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.
Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.
Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)
#KUDO IS UNDERRATED NEEDS MORE CONTENT RECOGNITION HES THE KINDEST WITTLE BOY EVER#my thoughts#i think ppl who write resistance stuff should also consider that not everything was black and white#there will be moral arguments where you cant decide. and the resistance has faced those sorts of things where There Is No Right Answer.#kudo is really kind tho. exactly because he cares so much he does all these things and tries to harden himself#but like exoskeletons work - its only an armor to protect the soft squishy insides and keep them from drying out#i woke up and had to put this stuff down#me: *picks up a sentence note in my fic notes* *puts it down here and elaborates*#the line was in relation to putting down stuff about the vestiges to remember dynamics#[Kudo is the kindest despite appearances]#kudo seems like he would be fiercely protective over ppl he cares about. exactly because hes seen so many of his comrades die over and over#kudo#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#spoilers#ofa#one for all#bruce#bruce is the meme of “*chuckles* I'm in danger” and its just. Kudo w/ his new crazy idea chasing him down with Gearshift and Yoichis Factor#hikage shinomori#en tayutai#yoichi shigaraki#ive been thinking he was kind for a long time but never elaborated why. if u look at his actions words and thoughts it all makes sense#theres underlying kindness in there. he wants to be kind but the world would scorch him if he didnt have a stick up his ass#also adding on to the prev tag of kudo and fiercely protective- because in their times comrades were everything. otherwise you were alone#the world sucks resources are limited and youre a diseased human [Meta]. but you have someone willing to walk with you.#also about the [Kudo is the kindest] note among the vestiges- i dont think any of the other vestiges would do what kudo did#calmly volunteering himself rather than it being in panic. extending a hand and saving what shouldve been his mortal enemy. yknow
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