#because like it's not like song writing has ever been a boundary with them

[bisexualgorgeous]

an ex of taylor's is only as good as his reaction to having songs written about him post-relationship and my man joe you are quickly sliding down the rankings

[primehyuck]

MOVES

aka good things take time (the happy ending version)

word count: 11.3k

i first started writing this because i’ve been listening to the song Moves by Suki Waterhouse on repeat, but it became much more than that

contents: long time best friend!haechan, slice of life, pining and yearning, chronological time jumps (mostly college and young adulthood), other members mentioned (Mark and Jeno!roommates), kissing, fluff, wet dreams, a good example of two people who seriously need to communicate, face sitting, morning sex, lots of pet names

“Do you think we’ll be friends for a long time?” Haechan’s soft voice distracts your attempt to focus on a blade of the blurry ceiling fan, unable to keep you cool despite it spinning so fast you think it might fly away.

“How do you mean?” the bed squeaks when Haechan sits up to lean over you.

“Growing up, I feel like my parents didn’t have many friends aside from each other. My mom told me that it’s because when you get older your priorities change and you realize who adds value to your life, and that’s who you decide to keep.” His eyes are glowing with sincerity, body blocking the flow of air from touching you at all “so when we’re older, and married with kids and other priorities, and we maybe live in different cities, do you think we’ll still be friends?”

You stare at him for a moment before shoving his face out of the way of the fans air stream.

“Definitely,” your confidence soothes him enough that he lays back down “if I ever muster up the creativity to come up with a reason to stop being your friend, you have to swear you’ll tell me how stupid I’m being, swear to me.” you smack his chest before he can even answer.

“I swear!” He smiles to himself, staring up at the ceiling with you, rubbing his hand over the warm spot where your hand made contact, melting into the mattress.

———

Growing up people always joked that Haechan and you would fall in love, that it was inevitable, practical even. Because, if you fall in love with your best friend you’ve already conquered one of the highest mountains - finding someone that you like, and who likes you back.

You had both seen the other in a relationship, an inevitability when you’ve been friends with someone since puberty. He’d cheered you on when you had your first kiss during a game of spin the bottle in high school, forced you to come out on double dates with him and a friend of his you didn’t even like just so he could take someone else out, and freshman year of college he’d even introduced you to the person you'd lost your virginity to.

The only time he cockblocked you was when you tried to get to know any of his friends more than platonically, so eventually you gave up and settled for real friendship with all of them.

“Trust me, you don’t want to touch him with a six foot pole.” He’d said freshman year when you had mentioned your attraction to his roommate, Mark.

“He seems so nice, though.” you pouted

“He is nice, but that doesn’t mean you want to be with him.”

“How would you know what I want?” you scoffed, and he looked at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Has the wind beneath my wings ever led you into the wrong arms?” He was highly animated, offended that you would question his judgment.

By the start of sophomore year it was obvious to everyone else that you were strictly off limits. All of his friends had decided unanimously that even if you did attempt anything with them they had no choice but to shut you down. The cold stare Haechan unknowingly serves them from across the room whenever they got too close was enough to keep them away. None of the boys ever minded the boundaries with you, there always was an ease in your friendship since they all knew it could never go further, but that didn’t mean they never thought about the possibility.

One night, at the end of junior year, Haechan is nowhere to be found at his own party and you graciously accept Jeno’s invitation upstairs when you complain of a headache, “we can play Mario Kart, and it won’t be all competitive like when Haechan plays with us.”

It starts like normal, and you're having fun when you realize that your tipsy brain can’t focus on the screen and the conversation simultaneously, opting for the latter as you relax into Jeno’s pillows. You don’t even notice him inching closer to you until his nose touches yours, tugging at a strand of your hair. This is the first time any of Haechan’s friends have shown interest in you, you’d never even been on the receiving end of a flirtatious stare from across the beer pong table, so you take the reins.

Kissing Jeno feels a little bit like winning, like you’ve finally made it past the invisible forcefield Haechan had put up around his friends. The kiss is lazy and hot, Jeno props himself up on one elbow and presses your back into the mattress with his chest. Your eager fingers run beneath his shirt, his abs tightening when you trail them over his sides. Your spine tingles when he groans into your mouth, the hand on your cheek moving to grip your knee and hike your leg over his hip. His hand holds strong around your thigh, and you sigh when he grinds into you.

Jeno pulls away too soon, stopping your hands reaching for the hem of his shirt with a pained sigh as he drops your leg to roll onto his back, flinging an arm over his eyes.

“Fuck, I should not be doing this with you.”

“Why, you don’t want to?” You want to curl into yourself, sitting up to stare down at his shaking head.

“No, definitely not that.” he pulls his arm away to meet your eyes, the alcohol in his veins making him brave enough to admit “Haechan would be pissed.”

“Haechan?” you question “did he say something to you?” Jeno groans, sitting up and hooking his elbows around his knees, staring at the mattress between his legs.

“No, no. He’s never actually said anything,” he knows he’s revealing too much, but he also knows he’s gone too far to stop “we just know he would never want us to cross that line with you.”

“We?” you can feel embarrassment bubbling in your chest at the idea of all of your friends talking about this.

“Yeah, you know, all the guys. We figured you were just off limits, I don’t know.” he grimaces, looking up at you with apologetic eyes when you don’t respond. You huff and climb off the bed, feeling rejected in more ways than one.

You’d crossed a boundary tonight, but Jeno was still a close friend, someone you’d spent a lot of time with since he met Haechan freshman year. He still knows you, so he grabs your wrist before you can leave, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed so he can stand you between his legs.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad.” He envelops your hands in his and brings them to his chest.

“I’m not mad,” you mumble, avoiding his apologetic gaze “I’m embarrassed that all of my friends agreed not to touch me.”

“Did you really think not a single one of us was ever interested in you?” you shrug and he squeezes your hands tighter, heart tugging in his chest.

“When people don’t act interested, that’s usually a safe assumption.” you pout and Jeno’s laugh buzzes through your linked fingers "I gave up on all of you halfway through freshman year."

“Well, some of us are better actors than I remember.”

He has you laughing by the time you leave his room, sealing the night with one more self indulgent kiss and a pinky swear to never tell Haechan about what happened.

———

Halfway through the first semester of senior year Haechan bangs angrily on his roommates door before swinging it open and Jeno is genuinely shocked that it's taken this long for the gossip to hit his ears. The rest of the boys had clocked Jeno the next morning for being ‘too happy’ and he had to make them all swear not to tell, wanting to protect your pride and his own friendship with Haechan.

"You slut!" Haechan points an accusatory finger in Jeno's direction, dragging his feet slowly toward him until he's so close Jeno has to bat his hand out of his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Haechan's voice is low and angry, something new and unpleasant sparking in his gut at the idea of Jeno kissing you, touching you.

"No, I don't." Jeno can’t help but antagonize. Pleased with the perfect opportunity to trick Haechan into saying out loud what everyone else seems to have known for years.

"You kissed my best friend!" He shrieks, tossing his hands up in the air dramatically.

"So what, she's not allowed to kiss people?" Haechan squints his eyes at Jeno’s response, scrunching his nose in annoyance “how did you even find out?”

"She can kiss whoever she wants, it's all of you that aren't allowed to kiss her." Haechan waves his hand wildly toward the bedroom door, alluding to the large group of boys living in the house “you know Mark can’t keep a secret, he’s been bursting at the seams for months. All I had to do was ask.”

"It happened forever ago dude, why are you so pissed? You've never even given us a chance to get close to her in that way, maybe one of us could really like her." Jeno reasons, tugging at Haechan's strings, watching the gears in his brain turn as he tries to come up with a real argument.

"She has a boyfriend," Haechan finally says with a frown at the thought of the guy he’d only recently met, he doesn’t like him at all. From his stupid hair to the shoes he wears, there’s not a thing about your new boyfriend that Haechan thinks is good enough for you. He collapses into the gaming chair across from where Jeno is relaxed on the couch, not having moved at all since Haechan stormed in "plus, I think any of you would know by now, you've all known her for four years."

"I think, that it can take a lot longer than four years to realize how much you like someone." Jeno bites, "how long have you known her?"

"Since middle school." He picks at the hole in the knee of his black jeans, realizing what Jeno is alluding to, defensive exterior quickly crumbling.

"Right, I think that if you're blind enough then it can take ten years to realize how much you like someone."

"Well, maybe ten years is too long and that person missed their chance." Haechan turns his head to stare out the window, anxiously spinning the chair side to side.

"You know I'm talking about you, right?"

"God, yes, I know you're talking about me." Haechan glares at his friend, fidgeting stopping abruptly "and I know I've been a complete idiot about it, but like I said, I’m out of time."

———

Haechan can’t stop his free hand from clenching and unclenching as you sob into your pillow, his less angry hand rubbing over your back.

“He told me he saw us moving in together after graduation,” your voice shakes “how do you look someone in the eyes and say shit like that and then sleep with someone else?”

“I don’t know,” Haechan replies earnestly, feeling as helpful as flip flops in the snow from where he sits on the edge of your mattress “I’m so sorry.”

He takes your silence as an invitation, lying on his stomach, face turned toward you, fingers still drawing soothing circles over your shoulder blades. He waits patiently for you to calm down, unease swarming his stomach knowing that even after years of friendship he can’t truly comfort you in this moment.

“I’m so embarrassed.” you sniffle, smearing your face over your pillow before turning to look at him. He holds his breath, waiting for you to collect yourself enough to explain.

“I’m so gullible, he even told me he’s cheated in the past and for whatever reason I believed that he’d treat me differently, that he’d love me enough.” Haechan has to count to five in his head to stay calm before he speaks.

“You have no reason to be embarrassed. The most natural thing you can do is believe someone when they say they love you.” He murmurs, turning onto his side so he can pull you into a hug. When you curl into his body to bury your face in his chest he can only pray you can’t hear his heart pound against his ribs.

“He’s an idiot, and he didn’t deserve any of the love you gave him. I promise, you’re so much better off.”

Haechan hates the piece of himself that’s relieved your relationship has ended. The same piece that hated your ex the minute he met him, that feels heavy in your absence whenever you’re busy with anyone who isn’t him. The piece that crosses it’s fingers whenever you get this close in hopes that you’ll be the first one to cross the line, to finally do what he’s thought about doing for the last few months since he realized exactly how he felt about you.

“Thank you,” you mumble into his tear dampened shirt, lifting your leg over his to cuddle in even closer “thanks for always being my friend, even when I do dumb shit, like let boys be mean to me.”

He nuzzles his nose into your scalp, eyes fluttering shut at the smell of your shampoo “Thanks for letting me. Besides, even Beyoncé got cheated on, so you clearly aren’t that dumb.” the crowd in his brain cheers when you giggle into his chest.

“You’re so annoying.” He holds you even tighter.

———

“I can’t believe it,” your jaw drops and Haechan whips his head up nervously to look at you from across the couch

“What happened?”

“I got it, I got the job!” you shove his feet off your lap to jump up excitedly, bouncing on your toes as you read the email out loud. Haechan’s ears are ringing so loud he barely catches the first half, trying to shake off the dazed look he’s sure appears on his face.

“We were extremely impressed with your resume and even more so with the impression you left on the board during your interview, blah blah blah, excited to offer you this position, blah blah blah, and a relocation bonus to join us in in our new office!” the pitch of your voice rises a few octaves as you finish reading.

Haechan stares at you from his spot on the couch, eyes wide with shock that you’re too excited to notice, skimming your screen as you re-read the details in your offer letter.

His entire body is buzzing, torn between feeling excited at your accomplishment and sorry for himself.

He had a plan, a really good one, he thought. After your breakup you’d made it painfully clear that you wanted to be single for a while, and he knew if he could just be patient, it would all be worth it. So Haechan decided to bottle his feelings up, sitting patiently by your side where he had been for so many years, waiting for you to heal and hoping that when you were finally ready to start dating again he’d have mustered up the courage to make the first move.

“Lee Donghyuck, are you even listening to me!?” you drop your phone to pull him up off the couch, bouncing up and down with your fingers intertwined “I’m moving to my dream city, to start my dream job.” you reiterate and he snaps out of it, sweeping the imaginary shards of glass that his plan had been made out of under the rug and pulling you into a hug.

“That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you.”

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.” You deadpan, but squeeze him back just as tight.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to miss you is all.” He admits, "I'd follow you if my job didn't keep me here."

“I’ll make sure you don’t miss me too much, don’t worry.” you plant your cheek on his chest, surprised at the relief you feel in hearing him say it first.

———

This feeling was still a little unfamiliar, nerves. Haechan had never made you nervous growing up; excited, annoyed, passionate maybe, but never nervous.

The nerves began last summer, when he’d come out to visit you for the first time to celebrate his birthday. It was the longest you’d gone without seeing each other since you’d met, almost ten full months and the anticipation was palpable.

When he steps through the airport doors you think that it’s the relief of finally being near him again that knocks the wind out of you. Running into his open arms and being squeezed so tightly in them that you tap his shoulder to let you breathe. Ruffling his hair when he steps back and ignoring the fact that he had grown so much since you’d seen him last.

But as the night goes on, the slight changes to the person you have memorized become glaringly obvious. The way his cheeks have lost some of their cushion, revealing a sharp jaw and pointed cheekbones. The natural wave in his once unruly hair now falling perfectly over his brow bone, he had dyed it a little darker which made his tan skin glow even in dim lighting. Even his smell seemed to draw you into a trance, a much more expensive version of the Haechan you know.

“You know, that group of girls has been staring over at you since we walked in.” You raise your eyebrows playfully, pointing your glass toward the pretty gaggle that keeps walking past the booth you and Haechan occupy.

He doesn’t break eye contact with you before shrugging, “I didn’t come here to see them, I came to see you.” he smiles, punctuating his thought by reaching over the table and tapping your nose.

“I know, I know,” you laugh, batting him away “It never hurts to know when people are staring, though”

His face is unreadable as he rests his arm lazily up over the bench of the booth, body sinking into the seat while he lifts his glass to swirl his drink, biting the words that have been resting on the tip of his tongue the entire trip, and at the end of every phone call since you started your new job.

“How are you, seriously.” You push. In the time since you moved he’d started and ended a relationship with a girl that you’d never met. Your new job kept you so busy that you hadn’t even learned about the breakup until a week later, when you finally had the time to call him back. The guilt of your absence weighs you down, resenting your inability to be there for him the way he had been for you in the past.

“I’m over it, seriously.” You know he’s telling the truth, but it’s in your nature to pry.

“You never really talked about, why, you know.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, I’m sorry, I just feel so behind on your life.” You sigh and push your empty glass to the side, swirling your finger in the ring of cold water it leaves behind.

“It’s okay, really. You’ve been busy, I understand.” He reaches across the table to stop your anxious fingers “I didn’t love her the way I knew I should, that’s all. It’s a good thing that it ended, and I’m happy that it did.”

“That’s all that matters, then.” and he’s grateful that you drop the subject.

You eventually get back to your apartment, both giggly and flush from the alcohol still fogging your brain despite the long walk you'd hoped would lessen it. Haechan holds your hand the whole way back, even when he stops suddenly to pet a dog, dragging you down to the ground with him. He can’t help himself, grateful that at this point you'd touched one another in every way other than what he dreams about most, and you seem oblivious to his need to be so close to you.

As you get ready for bed he lets himself watch you undress facing the wall away from him, unaware of his gaze burning into your backside and the way his fingers tingle at the thought of pulling at the meat of your hips. He scolds his heart for thudding so loud when you squeeze your eyes into a smile at his reflection standing next to yours at the sink while you brush your teeth, the domestication of your friendship that he used to appreciate now suffocating him.

You put on a movie and invite him to rest his head on the pillow in your lap, wishing he could bury his nose into the skin of your thighs beneath it. Halfway through the movie he has to sit up to hide the way his cock is hardening at the feeling of your nails combing through his hair and down his shoulder, occasionally thrumming over his chest. He pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and tosses it over his legs as casually as possible, pulling you into his side by your shoulder, the other arm stretched across the back of the couch.

"Are you cold for the first time in your life?" Haechan never wants to use a blanket, but you’re grateful for the position giving you access to bury your face into his chest, gripping his shirt.

"No, just want to be warmer." he presses a blushing cheek onto the top of your head, trying to think of anything except the way your hair smells, or the feeling of the side of your breast brushing his wrist through your shirt. Haechan feels eighteen again and like he's discovering the connection between romantic and sexual feelings for the first time in his life. He tries to match his breathing to yours, holding his breath whenever you shift in his hold and reconnecting his stomach with your back as quickly as possible. The temptation to pour his heart out is overwhelming, but when he feels your body completely relax into his and your breathing slow down, the words become trapped in his throat, so he lets you sleep.

Haechan had never experienced a shorter 48 hours than that weekend he spent following you around the city you now call home.

You’re shining in your new space, and he happily trails behind you to all the places you’ve discovered in the almost year since you moved. His stomach does somersaults whenever you point something out that reminds you of him.

“I’ve been waiting to come here until you could come with me!” you're so excited to take him to the video game themed coffee shop that your co-workers had recommended “I thought about coming to see if it was even worth it, but I only want to play these kinds of games with you anyway.”

Sometimes he can forget about his feelings for you, when things are just as they always have been. You talk with and touch him the same, laugh at his jokes the same. He thinks that if he were to ever say out loud what he’s been feeling, that the two of you would still be the same but with a little More, ‘you guys’ but on steroids. So when everything is normal he can pretend like it‘a not. He can act like the More is there when you hold his hand to drag him around to the different machines, play games he wants to play even if you don’t want to, you even wipe ice cream off of his chin when his cone starts to melt because he’s talking too much to eat and he wonders why it took him so long to see it this way, and if you could too.

He keeps thinking the moment will come, when he’ll know spilling his guts to you is the right thing to do. But between you gushing over how much you love your new life and your willingness to point out every girl who has blinked at him this weekend, he completely loses the steam he’d gained during his flight, regardless of how his imagination runs wild with the More.

He curses himself the entire weekend for his lack of bravery, hoping that keeping his feelings in is the right decision. After his recent relationship crashed and burned because of his feelings for you he thought he had no choice but to come clean. But watching you, being with you in your new life makes him realize that his role in it hasn’t changed even if his feelings for you have.

The lump in his throat as he stands outside the departure doors is more than just sadness at the thought of leaving you, it’s the realization that he has to let the romantic idea of you go.

“How come you never cry when we have to leave each other,” you hiccup into his chest, and he coos your name lovingly.

“Don’t worry, you know I save my tears for the plane to make everyone in my row uncomfortable.” He knows that you hate that he’s making you laugh at a time like this, pulling away so you can swat his chest and he raises his hands in surrender.

“When will we be able to see each other again?”

“As soon as possible.” He nods reassuringly, wiping your tears with his thumb, heart pounding as he stares into your watering eyes “hey, you’re my best friend in the world, you annoy me every day, and I love you.”

“Whatever, I love you too.” you laugh, but his heart speeds up at the words that you’ve said to him thousands of times. You sweep your arms around him one last time before pushing him toward the airport doors “you better go, if you miss your flight I can’t guarantee I’ll let you leave at all.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He walks backwards slowly, staring at you with a ‘kicked puppy’ kind of face he mastered years ago and you wave enthusiastically, blowing loud kisses into the air that he catches and clutches to his heart.

“This is it,” he thinks, “this has to be it.”

———

Haechan is dreaming about you. He has been nightly ever since he got back from his birthday weekend. He’s grateful the dreams have variety, since some of them overwhelm him to the point of waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.

Sometimes, you’re young again and whenever anyone says “You know, it’s just a matter of time until one of you has a crush on the other.” you both theatrically gag, laughing at each other as if it were the most insane idea in the world. Or, you're sitting on his childhood couch watching your guys' favorite movie for the hundredth weekend in a row, vocalizing the parts of the two main characters and recreating all the best scenes.

Sometimes you’re at his apartment just hanging out together, which are dreams that feel so real he almost expects to see you in his kitchen when he wakes up. Most of these dreams spark a deja vu laced flame in his gut so deep he finds himself confusing them with memories. The ache of missing you wakes him up before his alarm some mornings, and he finds himself face timing you once he knows you're awake just to watch you make coffee and wash your face.

But sometimes, he has dreams that make him feel so ashamed he can barely text you back in the morning. Dreams where he reaches to touch you and you let him, where you tug at his hair and moan his name while he does all the things that he can only do to you in his sleep. He hates to say that these are his favorite, but it's the one dream he knows he'll never actually achieve and he goes to bed every night praying for them.

That’s the kind of dream he’s having when his phone buzzes him awake. He answers without looking because there are only a handful of people who can reach him when he’s on ‘do not disturb’, and you’re one of them. He hums a sleepy greeting into his phone, putting it on speaker next to his pillow and nearly drifting right back into the dream and between your thighs.

“Donghyuck” his eyes shoot open at the sound of your voice “did i wake you up?”

He can practically hear the pout in your voice, squinting at the time on his phone, “Yes, it’s three in the morning,” he stares down to where he’s half hard, running an embarrassed hand over his face even though there’s no possible way for you to know “are you okay?”

“No, well technically yes but I miss you which means things could be better.” you slur your words and Haechan smiles, somehow he's never annoyed that you call him pretty much every time you drink. He thinks it's because he's familiar with this version of you, though he definitely hasn't seen it often since college graduation. This version of you loves him hard, and is never afraid to say it.

"I miss you too," he takes a beat before adding "I was dreaming about you just now."

You gasp excitedly "Really! What were we doing." He smirks at the thought of telling you that you had been sitting on his face, hand reaching back for his cock while he guides your cunt over his tongue until you were shaking above him.

"Just, hanging out." he shrugs. It's his second time this week alone dreaming of your clit bumping his nose, and the thought makes his mouth water.

"I don't believe you." You say accusingly "that's way too boring for a mind like yours to dream up."

"What exactly is my mind like?" He yawns, throwing his forearm over his eyes.

"Oh, you know," you hum "your mind is a galaxy, with at least a billion planets and twice as many stars. I wish I could fly into your head and explore it, but NASA doesn't have the funds."

Haechan holds his breath at your compliment, the smile on his face so wide he can hear it in his own voice "That sounds like an episode of Magic School Bus."

"Your brain is definitely cooler than some cartoon, it's pretty much my favorite place on Earth."

"How would you know, you've never actually been inside?" He shakes his head, teasing you gently. Hearing words like these come out of your mouth breaks his heart and glues it back together at the same time.

"Are you saying you never think about me?" you ask him, not an ounce of sarcasm in your voice.

"I think about you all the time, I promise, all the planets in my brain are shaped like you." You hum, pleased with his response. He shuts his eyes and waits for your answer.

"Yeah, all the planets in mine are shaped like you, too." you pause for a second and add "plus all the stars, I win, I think about you more."

———

This time when Haechan comes to visit you, you know the nerves are more than just excitement at seeing your best friend. It’s a feeling that is nestled so deep in your stomach it makes you a little nauseous. You haven't seen him since you went home for the holidays and he only has one night in the city. You find yourself grueling over your reflection in the mirror, not used to being self conscious in front of him. You’re only going out for happy hour, but you put yourself together to last all night.

When Haechan finally arrives he whistles lowly, making you blush when he pulls out of your hug and requests a spin.

“I appreciate that you got so dressed up for me.” He teases, hoping you don’t catch his eyes sweeping over your legs, wanting to commit you in this dress to memory.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you roll your eyes as if you hadn’t spent the last two hours making sure you looked as perfect as possible. Hoping he doesn’t see the pile of clothes shoved into your closet from all the failed attempts.

“Never,” he grabs your purse off of the counter and opens the door, sweeping his arm out in front of him dramatically “after you. There are some strangers outside who are waiting to catch a glimpse of you, they just don’t know it yet.”

“You are so dramatic.” You lock the door behind you, using the moment facing away from him to collect yourself. Lately you catch yourself wondering if he'd always been so flirtatious, or if you're just forcing meaning behind his words because of how badly you want him to be.

“What, a guy can’t compliment his best friend?”

You smile widely at him and grab your bag out of his grasp, popping your key inside and walking toward the entrance of your building. Praying your fingers stop shaking when you finally get a drink in you. Haechan throws his arm around your shoulders while you walk down the street to your favorite cocktail bar and you're grateful for his usual chatter, talking to you about work and his slow climb up the ladder.

“They put me in a hotel this time, so you don’t have to worry about making me breakfast in the morning.” He smiles at you, sipping his drink gingerly.

“You know I never cook you breakfast.” He feels so far away across the table and you wish that you were sitting next to him instead, shoulders cold without the weight of his arm around them. It feels so good to have him touch you, to feel like you're his. There's a small part of you that feels guilty for using his knack for physical affection to your advantage, he has no idea what the heat of his skin on yours does.

“I know, but all the meetings are in the hotel anyway so it’s easier this time to just stay there.”

You try not to let yourself visibly deflate at the news, wanting to keep him for yourself the whole time he’s in town. His knee presses against yours under the table and you focus all your energy into acting the way you would have before, but you can’t focus on anything else and cross your legs to pull away from him as casually as possible. As badly as you want to touch him, sometimes you can’t.

“What time do you have to be up?”

He groans, leaning back enough that his knee now slides against your shin, “too early,” and glances down at his now empty glass, motioning to the bartender for another “which means you need to drink faster, so I can stop at a reasonable hour.”

You smile, downing the rest of your drink in one gulp, when his foot taps against yours you know it's going to be a long night.

The end of the night finds you together on your couch with a shared bottle of wine sitting empty on the coffee table, his early meetings temporarily forgotten. You and Haechan have been in this position plenty of times, drunk, slap happy and overly touchy in a way that you had always been comfortable being with one another. The difference now is you, this version of you who wants your best friend in an entirely different way.

Every time he pulls you closer you feel electricity shoot straight to your heart so intensely that you have to duck out of his grasp. You don’t know what to do with the feelings that have been growing gradually from your toes up, now practically sprouting out of your scalp with a neon sign blinking “I’m in love with you” over and over.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Haechan whines when you all but flinch away from his hand reaching for his phone near your arm. He’d been aware of it all night, the space you left between the two of you while you walked back from the bar, your sudden inability to maintain the eye contact that he craved. The complete lack of physical touch makes him feel dejected.

“Doing what?” You give him a panicked look, practically sober at the thought of being found out, of what it would feel like to be rejected by him.

“You’re not letting me touch you,” he frowns, and the alcohol buzzes through your veins again “not that you need to let me, but you only avoid it like this when you’re upset. Did I do something?” he pouts, tired eyes low when he flops his head onto his bicep resting on the back of the couch. You forget to breathe for a second when he looks up at you under dark lashes.

“I’m not upset. I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” you’re lying through your teeth, but scoot an inch closer to him to make your point. He doesn’t look convinced, and if you’d had less to drink you may have noticed the mischievous glint in his eye before he grabs you by your arm, knocking you off balance and into his chest.

“See,” he sighs happily, wrapping his arms around your body and you can feel his chest buzz when he hums, cheek pressed to the top of your head. You have no choice but to ungracefully shift your lower body closer to him, making yourself a sponge and soaking in his familiar touch “isn’t that better?”

You nod, “Yes, it is better.” and you really wish he didn’t know you so well, that even in his fifth hour of being drunk he can read your mind. He pulls your ear off his heart to grab your cheeks, smushing them together and whispering your name with a shake of his head.

“What is it?” he urges, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist to loosen his grip. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and count to three in your head before you can talk yourself out of leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

You feel him falter for a half second before he’s kissing you back, pulling your face closer and pushing his body toward yours. You can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in your ears when his tongue touches yours, and then suddenly his mouth is gone. He moves so quick you have to put your arms out to stop yourself from face planting into the cushion he had just been sitting on.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” you gasp “i shouldn’t have done that, Haechan, I’m so sorry.”

It takes everything in you to look up to where he’s now standing with his arms crossed over his chest protectively. You have no idea what he’s thinking, staring down at you with wide eyes. Insecurity sweeps through you under his intense gaze, and you almost beg him to say something.

“I’m seeing someone,” the way the confession rings in your ears would have you believing that he screamed the words, but his voice was barely above a whisper “shit, I’m sorry.”

You aren’t sure if it’s your life that flashes before your eyes, or your years of friendship with him, at this point the two tend to blur together.

“That’s-” you sit back on your calves and inhale shakily, knowing it’s not even worth it to attempt to fake any sort of excitement for him “why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs, swallowing thickly and pulling his eyes away from your face to stare at the ceiling “It’s new and I didn’t know how. It just never came up.”

“Well then, I’m sorry that it didn’t. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.” grateful that he’s finally the one avoiding eye contact with you so he doesn’t see your legs wobble when you stand “probably best to pretend that never happened. I’m just drunk and I missed you-”

Your name sounds so pathetic when he says it this time and you think it’s the eighth wonder of the natural world that you haven’t started crying yet. You shake your head instead, wishing so desperately that you had changed out of the dress you were wearing as you pull the slinky material down your thighs.

“Honestly, Haechan,” You regret your next words before they even hit the air “you should probably go. You have an early morning.”

The shock on his face pains you, but you can’t stand to see what you can only assume is pity growing in his eyes for another second.

“I don’t want to go, I want to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry.” you say again and his shoulders slump in defeat, recognizing that you’d made up your mind.

“It’s okay.” He means it, shuffling forward and the look on your face is nearly enough to bring him to his knees. His breath catches when you shift away the inch he moved toward you, eyes locked on his and he can see the desperation in them before he hears it in your voice.

“Text me when you get to the hotel?” your voice cracks with a heavy mix of exhaustion and embarrassment that makes him nods once, grabbing his things and walking slowly toward your door. He turns to look at you, but his words catch in his throat when he sees your eyes begin to water, mustering up all his energy to offer what he prays is a reassuring smile before letting himself out.

You sink back into the couch when the door clicks shut, head hanging in your hands as the tears finally start to flow. You cry so hard you feel like you could throw up, replaying his rejection over and over in your mind, shame and regret coursing through your veins. Pure embarrassment heats your body at the look on his face when he told you he was seeing someone, and you’re not sure if it was disgust or pity in his eyes.

On top of the rejection, knowing that he didn’t feel like he could share something as big as meeting someone with you was a dagger to the heart, up until recently you had never kept a secret from him, and even this one you clearly couldn’t keep in for long.

You force yourself into the shower, scrubbing angrily at your skin under the scalding water. You get out once your fingers have pruned and your skin feels raw, avoiding the mirror on your way to your bedroom. You kick angrily at the dress you'd left on the floor, watching it land near the pile of outfits you had discarded while getting ready.

Haechan had texted you nearly thirty minutes earlier

“made it back”

you give it a thumbs up before turning your phone off, setting an alarm with the clock on your side table and letting the emotional exhaustion lull you to sleep.

------

Haechan is realizing that there is no way in hell that you need space more than he needs to talk to you. He tries to call you multiple times the first week after you kissed him but you never answered, and Haechan doesn’t want to push you to the point of no return. What he really wants is to go back in time and not leave you that night, but the pain in your eyes was so pronounced he couldn't bare to make it any worse. The only physical proof that you had kissed him at all being the stupid blue thumbs up on the text he had sent you that night. It's followed by a slew of reassuring texts, saying that he broke up with his girlfriend and if you would please just talk to him, that he's not mad.

This is the feeling he carries with him nearly two weeks later on the flight to you, when he’s sure that another minute of silence from you will kill him. By the time he gets to your apartment it’s almost midnight, so he knocks loud enough to wake you up.

When you open the door in a shirt he thinks might be his, Haechan knows he has no choice. He's speaking before you can say anything, before he can change his mind.

"I came here to tell you that I think you're being really stupid." He curses internally for the obvious nerves in his voice, your tired eyes widen with shock at his words.

"Excuse me?"

"Years ago you made me swear that I would tell you if you ever came up with a reason not to be my friend anymore. So I'm telling you now, I think you're being really fucking stupid."

"I'm not doing that" You defend yourself, tearing up at the sight of him. He pushes into your apartment, shutting the door behind him and standing close enough to touch. He’s staring you down with pleading eyes, and you bury your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him.

“Then why are you ignoring me? Why won’t you let me fix this?”

“I don’t know I just,” you inhale shakily “I don't know how to do it right now, not like this."

"Like what?" He hopes he already knows the answer, but needs to hear you say it, to know that you’re as serious as he is. Your mouth feels full of cotton when he forces you to look at him by whispering your name, pulling your hands from your face and his heart pinches tightly at the tears welling in your eyes "please tell me, please. Like what?"

"You already know," your bottom lip betrays you, voice weak beneath heavy emotion when you speak "I love you, Haechan. I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I fucked everything up, but I can’t undo it."

He feels his lungs fill with relief. Haechan steps forward to close the small gap between your bodies, grabbing your jaw to rest his forehead against yours. You falter, but his hand on the small of your back keeps you from going anywhere, he's practically panting and you can barely stand, dizzy with the feeling of him. You want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming when he whispers "You didn't fuck anything up."

He ghosts his lips over yours for a moment until he's sure you're not going to stop him. When he finally kisses you it's with years of pent up adoration, directing your arms around his neck and pressing his thumb firmly into your jaw, long fingers wrapping around the side of your throat. He practically whines when your fingers tighten in his hair and your lips part for his warm tongue. His arm wraps around your waist so tightly you have to hinge backward to keep your mouths connected, gasping at the strength you didn't know he had.

He keeps your stomach flush to his own and kisses you until you're practically limp in his arms, pulling away to breathe. His eyes are shut as he rubs his nose over yours

"I love you, too. I've been meaning to tell you for a while." All the blood rushes into your ears at his words and you can't stop your biggest worry from spilling into the air.

“What if you change your mind?”

“I made up my mind a long time ago, there's nothing you could do to change it." He blinks his eyes open, pulling his face away from yours just enough to see you, the trepidation in your eyes makes him say your name quietly.

"It's only me, you know me," he assures you in a hushed tone "you have to know by now that you are my entire world."

You could laugh, only him, as if he hasn’t been one of the most important people in your life since the day you met. As if he isn’t someone who has seen you at every stage of it so far. It’s Haechan, who has always been funny, who has witnessed the worst sides of you and never made you feel bad, who has never left your side.

You kiss him again, fingers wrapping in tight fists around his shirt to keep yourself grounded. Haechan’s heart pounds happily in his chest and he hopes you can feel it this time, both hands nestling into your hair. He kisses you gently in an effort to slow down your urgent movements, moaning at the taste of your mouth. You fall into his rhythm easily, the way his tongue rolls gently over yours makes your body go up in flames. You move your hands to slide beneath his shirt, landing on the strong muscles in his back and teasing your fingers up his sides.

When you finally come up for air he stares at you for a minute before laughing, stomach tightening beneath your fingers when he does.

"What's funny?" you shut your eyes, leaning your forehead into his chest, letting the pretty sound ring in your ears.

"Nothing, I'm just-" he cuts himself off with a shrug, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head "I love you, and you love me back. That's all, that's how easy it is."

"It hasn't been easy at all, in fact my life has been very very hard since your birthday last year.” He pulls away from your head to ogle at you.

"My birthday last year?" You nod, feeling your cheeks flush under his intense gaze, it had really been that long "God, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking idiot."

He's kissing you again before you can ask him to elaborate, grabbing hold of both wrists in one hand while he walks you backward and guides you up onto the counter as slowly as he has to in order to keep his lips on yours. His hips are the perfect height for you to wrap your legs around, gasping in surprise when he slides his hands around your ass and presses your core tightly against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You feel shy when you pull away to ask if he wants to go to your bedroom, feeling frozen in place when he stares at you with half lidded eyes, his plump lips swollen and red.

"Tonight, I'm just kissing you." Every cell in his body is screaming in protest at his own words. He can't express how badly he wants to do everything else, to recreate his dreams, to learn the parts of your body he'd never seen before. But he can't imagine doing anything but this tonight, just this; his lips on yours, your breath in his lungs and your body melting into his.

"Why?” your eyebrows pull together in confusion. You practically shiver with need, tucking your arms between your stomachs and burying your nose in his throat. His laugh buzzes against your face, rubbing his hands gently over your shoulders and trying to control his own breathing as your lips brush over his skin.

All he can say is, “Because I’ve been needing to for a long time.”

“How long?” You pull away from his chest, leaning back onto your hands and closing your eyes when he runs his own down your sternum and over your waist, groping at the flesh of your hips and trying not to regret his romantic side.

“Way too long.”

“Your birthday?” you ask, tugging gently at his shirt. He plants his hands outside of your legs to lean in close, one corner of his mouth pulling up.

“Much longer.” Your eyes widen in shock, and he interrupts you before you can question him “can we talk about it later? I have something really important to do tonight.”

———

He tells you that he's had feelings for you since senior year of college, when you kissed Jeno. He tells you about his plan to admit everything when he had seen you on his birthday, but that he was too scared. He assures you he ended his relationship the moment he got back home the previous week “because everyone has felt like a matter of 'when' it will end, not 'if',” He tells you that just two weeks of your silence hurt worse than any previous heartbreak, and you agree. And before you fell asleep next to him he tells you again, ‘I'm so in love with you.’ and shimmies excitedly when you say it back before kissing you until you can barely keep your eyes open. He holds your cheeks in his hands and practically lulls you to sleep with his tongue, plush lips pressing to yours so gently you can hardly feel them dotting around the rest of your face. He thinks he could do this forever before sleep finally catches up with him, his arm slung over your side to hold your face to his chest.

You wake up curled into a familiar side, your first emotion being giddy as the night floods back to you. Despite your obvious willingness to go further, Haechan had meant it when he said he'd only be kissing you. It made you crazy at first, but when the two of you were staring at each other in the mirror with shy eyes while moving through a nighttime routine you had gotten familiar with years before, you were happy he had the self control you clearly lack. The idea of him actually seeing and touching you in ways he never had before, of doing all the things you'd found yourself imagining him doing over the last year; it was overwhelming. Kissing until your jaw was sore and your lips were swollen felt easy.

You’re startled by Haechan’s hand reaching for yours, holding your palm and bringing your fingers to his lips to press a kiss to each one, “good morning.” his voice is deep and tired, mouth landing on the crown of your head.

"Good morning." You press your nose into his chest happily, gripping his hand in yours and resisting the urge to squeal with delight.

"What are you so excited about, me?" He teases, hand falling on your thigh to guide your leg up the front of his, stopping just below his crotch and you hope he's going to give you what you'd been wanting all night, for the last year.

"You, I just can't believe how happy I am." You admit, lifting your head off of his chest to smile at him. He pulls you right back down, kissing your lips once before rolling you both over so he's on top of you. He presses a hand over your collarbone and drags his lips down your chin and over your throat.

"You know, this means you're all mine now." he smirks against your neck when you nod, gasping when he sucks gently at the base. He has one forearm on the mattress, the other hand too gentle on your ribs. You can feel that he's hard and you immediately roll your hips up.

"Does this mean you're gonna do more than just kiss me now?" you intend to sound confident, but it comes out as a whimper. His nose brushes over your jaw before he presses lingering kisses to your chin and cheek.

"Yes, baby, if you'll let me." You nod eagerly, shifting your face so your lips are beneath his and sighing happily when he lowers his weight onto your torso, licking into your mouth. You shiver with anticipation when he pushes at your shirt, long fingers tickling up your side before landing on your breast. You gasp into his mouth when his thumb brushes over your already hard nipple.

Your impatience is overwhelming, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it up to his shoulders. He pulls away reluctantly, reaching one hand toward his back and pulling his shirt over his head. You gnaw at your lip, running your hands over his stomach and hooking your knees around his hips as much as you can while stretching your arms over your head.

“Cute.” he murmurs, pulling your shirt up and tossing it to the side. He gropes at your chest, tongue wetting his lips before he leans down to wrap them around one of your nipples. He’s trying to act without thinking, to let the dreams he’s had pave the path down your body because he knows the second he acknowledges his nerves he won’t be able to shake them off. His heart thrums when you gasp above him, arching your chest into his mouth. He’s greedy for your sounds, his hands squeezing your breasts together and licking between them to get to the other nipple. When your hips buck up into his he groans, pulling away from your chest and staring down at you with wondering eyes.

“Can I?” He feels unnaturally shy, leaning back on his calves and watching his fingers press dimples into the flesh of your hips above your underwear, tugging at the hem.

“You don’t need to ask.” He smiles, forcing you to sit by grabbing the back of your neck for a kiss. His fingers press into your clothed core and your hips roll into his hand. He sighs into your mouth at your desperation, torn between teasing you and touching you everywhere.

You can’t keep your legs from shutting around his arm when he pushes your panties to the side and slides his middle and ring finger up your wet center, circling over your clit.

You pull away from the kiss, blinking up at him and your mouth falls open when he presses firmly on your clit, rubbing in slow circles. His head hangs as he lets out a quiet “fuck” at your reaction, moving his hand off your neck to stroke over your stomach and without it behind your head you have to lie back, he presses your legs open. Haechan stares at your chest while he settles between your knees, pushing two fingers inside your dripping core. His jaw hangs open, watching his knuckles disappear inside of you.

“So soft,” he breathes, staring down to where his fingers glisten when he pulls them out to rub over your clit again, palming over his cock getting harder in his sweats “want to be everywhere at once.”

“Want you everywhere.” you whine when his fingers pull away to hook into your underwear, tugging them down your legs. Haechan stands to strip and you hold your breath and soak in the soft swell of his hip that leads to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs. It’s pretty like the rest of him, and thicker than you'd expected with a leaking tip that matches the color of his tongue, he strokes himself once and you don’t get the chance to reach for him before he lays back on the bed, rolling you to sit on top of him. You shudder when your pulsing clit rubs over his stomach, inner thigh squeezing into his ribs. He runs his hands up your waist, scooting you an inch higher and grabbing onto your tits.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you called me drunk and I told you I was dreaming about hanging out with you?” He shivers when you grind down in response, wet pussy sliding easily over his skin “I lied.”

Your hands press into his chest, tilting your head “what were we doing?” you can barely speak above a whisper when he pinches gently at your nipple with one hand, the other rubbing over your ribs when he smirks up at you.

“You were about a foot higher than you are right now,” you gasp and reach out to grab the headboard when he jolts his hips to move you up his chest, staring down at him with wide eyes as he shifts to wrap his arms under your legs, fingers pressing into your thighs.

“You dreamt about this?” you let him bring your hips to hover over his face, hands falling into his hair when he brushes his nose over your clit as he nods.

“All the time,” he moans and drags you down onto his face, lips wrapping around your clit. You shudder above him, letting some of your weight collapse into your heels and he groans happily at the pressure of you on his chin, pressing you harder onto his mouth to fuck his tongue into you. He wants to devour you, every sound you make goes straight to his cock which is already rock hard at the taste and smell of you. Even just thinking about the fact that it's your hips grinding over his face right now is enough to make him moan into your pussy.

You slur out praise, one of your hands shooting up to grip the headboard. His hands wander gently up your sides, eyes opening to stare up to where he plays with your tits, hard cock pulsing at the sight of your head thrown back, hips moving in gentle circles over his face. Haechan’s hand tugs yours down to his hair, trying to restrain himself from thrusting into the empty air at the feeling of you all over him. He hums happily into your pussy when you start to grind over his mouth, flattening his tongue for you to ride until your legs are shaking.

He lets out a deep “mmhmm” when you warn him that you’re going to cum, suckling hard on your clit until you’re practically begging him to let you go, body crumpling forward with both hands tangled in his hair. He's grateful you didn't touch his cock, just the thought of your fingers wrapped around him is enough to make him cum and he has other plans.

You can’t speak when you collapse onto the mattress beside him, immediately warmed by the weight of his body on top of yours as he slots himself between your thighs, sucking a hickey onto the front of your throat.

“Taste too fucking good,” he hums, mouthing over your chin and cheek “been dreaming of eating your sweet pussy for so long.” you practically swoon when he kisses you, pre-cum wetting the inside of your thigh when he relaxes his stomach onto yours.

“Hyuck, want you in me, please” Your vision is blurry, whining into his swollen lips. He works them over your cheek before pulling away from you, bringing one of your legs up to his shoulder and you rest the other knee on his hip. He can feel himself pant when he taps the head of his cock on your swollen clit, practically drooling when he sticks barely the tip inside before pulling back and repeating the tantalizing motion.

“Been waiting for too long to be teased,” you pout, trying to encourage his hips toward yours with the ankle he’s not pressing his cheek into. He smirks and circles his leaking tip over you again, watching his cock spread your arousal around before he pushes into you a little further.

“I’m taking my time with you, feels so fucking good.” He can’t look away from between your thighs, messy hair hanging over his forehead while his fingers grip your ankle tightly. You whimper when he pulls all the way out again, one more hard tap against your pulsing clit before he pushes himself halfway into your leaking pussy. You rise onto your elbows, trying to reach one hand to grab for his hip but he releases the base of his cock to stop you by lacing your fingers together. When Haechan finally looks into your eyes he bottoms out, stretching your leg toward your chest so he can lean in. His hips stutter, a choked groan rumbling deep in his chest.

“Oh my god, Hyuck please.” you beg him to move with a gasp. His forehead presses to your chin, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fuck, baby, been needing you," he thrusts into you slowly, lifting his head to look down at you glowing beneath him with your eyes shut. He pulls out all the way before thrusting back inside, quickening his hips when your eyes flutter open, the look on your face enough to make his balls tighten slightly, shutting his eyes to regain self control "knew you'd feel so fucking good."

"M’so full, Haechan." you moan at his words and the rapid slap of his hips on the back of your thighs, forcing your eyes to stay open so you can see his face. The way his nose scrunches with focus when he pulls away from your chest, both his hands wrapping firmly around your hips while he watches his cock sink into you. Brown, shaggy hair sticks to his damp forehead, full lower lip taken between his teeth. He’s pure, unadulterated boyish beauty, and he’s all yours.

You squeak when he lets your leg drop off his shoulder, pressing your thigh as far open as it will go with your heel digging into his backside. He fans his fingers over your lower stomach, thumb reaching down to push your clit side to side and your hips tuck up for more pressure, Haechan moans loudly when the movement causes you to clamp around his cock, "Perfect fucking pussy, can't believe it's mine now. Like my fingers on your pretty clit?”

You nod enthusiastically, letting go of your breasts to hold the backs of your thighs, Haechan's eyes move up your body to stare at your chest move beneath him, nipples looking sweet as candy. He’s dying to sink his fingers into the softest part of your stomach, the way you’re moving for him makes his mind turn to sand. You stare down to where his thumb is making circles over your clit, perfectly timed with the head of his cock bruising your g-spot. You feel a second orgasm build and the corner of his mouth pulls up proudly when your legs shake. Your head hangs back as you gasp for air, "yes, please, Haechan feels so fucking good."

"Make the prettiest noises for me, want you cumming all over my cock." he leans forward just enough to trap your throat beneath the weight of his palms, other hand still moving over your swollen clit. You smile at the pressure of his body on yours, eyes fluttering shut while you moan. You nod desperately when he asks if you can do that, "if you can let me make you feel that good, please, my pretty girl."

He takes his hand off your throat when you cum, wanting to hear every sound you could possibly make. You repeat his name like a blessing that has him cumming with you, moaning and breathless as his hips start to slow, milking you both through your orgasms.

You wrap your arms around him when he pulls out of you, reveling in the feeling of him when he lowers himself down, burrowing his face into your neck and warming your skin with his breath. You hold him there for a minute until he pulls his head up, dopey smile lighting up his eyes and making you laugh.

“What?” you scrunch your nose at him “better than your dreams?”

He nods, “so much better, best I ever had, my body belongs to you now.” he smirks at his own words, but his tone is so gentle he can’t even call it a joke.

“Just your body?” you tease, and he leans his nose onto your lips for a kiss that you carry onto the mole under his eye.

“Body, mind, heart, soul,” he sighs happily when you cup his cheeks in your hands, kissing him gently “all the planets in my head.”

"All the planets in my head too."

————

masterlist

authors note // this ended up being much longer than i anticipated, maybe the longest one shot i’ve ever actually written! i appreciate everyone who voted for happy ending because when i was originally thinking of a sad ending it was too hard lol. this feels forever unfinished because there is so much good to this version of haechan, i adore him.

[auras-moonstone]

Hello!!! Hru?! I hope your doing great!

I don't know if the requests are open but i know you're a swiftie and 1989 tv just came out and "Slut!" really reminds me of Jack, so could you do a story inspired by it? Just reader being famous (actress/singer, whatever you think fits) and she is being all love-sick by meeting and dating jack? And she even buy that "i love my boyfriend/girlfriend" t-shirts?

I hope you get my request and i love your writing!! You are the best <3 (And what's you favorite vault track?)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ slut! — jack champion

ᡣ𐭩 word count: 1.9K

ᡣ𐭩 pairing: jack champion x actress!fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 summary: y/n has to deal with the reputation that has been set on her by the media as she falls in love with jack, her co-star and best friend.

ᡣ𐭩 contents/warnings: mentions of slut-shaming. friends to lovers. instagram posts. fluff.

ᡣ𐭩 author’s note: hiii! <3 thanks for sending this request! when i heard the lyrics “in a world of boys he’s a gentleman” my brain just screamed JACK so i agree with you! and my fav vault tracks are slut and say don’t go <3

ever since y/n started working as an actress, the media has been merciless with her. maybe it was because despite having been in the industry for just a few short months, she was already working with remarkable directors and successful and iconic franchises. media had always had the tendency to bash successful women, and y/n was fully living that experience.

the point was, she didn’t want to give the media more things to trash her for, so she stayed unproblematic and silent. and yet, regardless of all that, they had managed put a reputation on her that was far from the truth.

y/n was kind and had a unique vibe. every co-star spoke highly about her and the media always managed to twist this by painting the picture that she was a “serial co-star dater.” it happened to her with every single movie or show she worked in, and people bought it blindly. the name-calling became part of her every-day life, and she would be lying if she said it didn’t affect her.

she swore she would never make the media be right, and so she set a strict rule—never ever date a co-star or be extra affectionate with them. it was a sad way of living, setting boundaries that were useless because reporters and haters always found a way, but she just wanted to do what she loved. she wanted to be remembered for her good acting and not for who she dated.

but then jack champion walked into the set, with his cringy yet amusing dad jokes and contagious smiles, to turn her world upside down. everything was so natural with him y/n didn’t even notice the way she started ignoring the rules until the scream filming was nearing its end and the thought of not seeing jack as often anymore made y/n’s chest hurt as if her heart was being ripped out.

and then the questions ran through her mind—what should she do? should she act normal, as if realisation hadn’t drawn on her? should she confront jack and ask if there was something more than friendship between them? or should she start putting distance before the feelings got deeper?

what she didn’t count on was that she didn’t need to say anything, jack was not only observant, he also knew her like the words to his favorite songs. he noticed how her head was up in space, how she seemed to be always deep in thoughts, distracted. something was consuming her mind, and it was driving jack insane.

“you’re acting weird. what’s going on?” jack finally asked her, pulling her aside on set. right behind the trailers where no one could bother them.

y/n tensed up. “what? nothing.”

“please, don’t play dumb. if there is someone you can’t fool is me.” jack said firmly. he missed his y/n, the girl who brought him comfort like a cozy warm blanket. “i miss you.”

“i’m here.” she said breathlessly.

“but are you?” he accused her. “something is going on, and it has to do with me.”

“what makes you say that?” y/n asked nervously.

“because you’re especially tense when i’m around.” he said sadly, and it broke y/n’s heart. her mind has been a mess, and she was unconsciously hurting jack. “did i do something wrong? please tell me, we can talk about it.”

y/n shook her head and before she knew it she was breaking down. jack didn’t hesitaste to pull her in. “i’m the problem. i’m sorry.”

“shhh, it’s okay. i’m here. don’t worry about it now, just take a deep breath. we don’t have to talk about it now, i’m here whenever you’re ready.” he spoke softly, rubbing her back slowly, to try and bring some calm.

they both sat on the ground, backs resting against the trailer. jack held y/n’s soft hands tightly, hoping it would give her the comfort she needed. he had never seen her in such state, and he was concerned.

“it’s nothing bad… i guess. it depends.” she said, reading the expression on the boy’s face, which grew more confused by her words. “i realized some things a few days ago, and they have been occupying my mind. i don’t know what to do with this. no matter what i do, it’s going to change things so i might as well be completely honest.”

jack nodded, pressing his lips on the crown of her head. “not going anywhere, y/n/n. no matter what you say, i can promise that.”

“you know the reputation that precedes me, right? i’ve told you about it.” jack frowned but nodded. “because of that, i’ve set this rule, that i wouldn’t let myself be affectionate with my co-stars. and i have sticked to that rule, until you.”

a knot formed on jack’s stomach. “so it’s about that? you want to put some distance?” god, he hated this. he hated to think about not being able to hold her, but he would give it up if it meant he got to keep her around.

“that’s the thing, jack. the reason why i have been acting so unlike me is because i’ve been trying to convince myself that putting distance would be the wise decision. but… if these days have proven anything is that it would be ultimate hell.”

“why didn’t you talk to me?”

“well, to be honest i was thinking what i should do. you just beat me to it because you know me better than anyone else.” she smiled and jack mirrored it. “that’s… that’s not everything i realized though.”

“okay, go on.”

“when the countdown to our last day on set started, i got this horrible feeling on my chest. the first thing that ran through my mind was that we wouldn’t see each other that often anymore and i felt this hole in my chest… it’s more than just missing a friend, jack. i would feel empty because i like you and you’ve become my person.”

jack’s jaw fell open and he was close to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. the times he has dreamt about this scenario… it felt too good to be real.

“but…” she continued. and reality hit the shore, putting an end to his short-lived hope. “i’m scared of what people might say. it’s still hard for me to not let what others think get into my head, and to even think about the hate that might come your way if we dated, makes me sick.” she shook her head and then her eyes widened. “my god, what am i even saying? i just assumed that you liked me back, i didn’t let you talk. god, this is embarrassing i’m so sorry.”

jack cupped her cheeks. “y/n, y/n, stop. breathe.” the girl nodded and closed her eyes until she was breathing normally again. “okay, now listen to me. if you’re not ready for a relationship, that’s fine. but if it’s because you’re scared of the hate comments towards me, let it go. i don’t care about them, i just care about you. okay?”

“yes…”

“good. i want to be your boyfriend, and if you’re not ready because of what the media might think then i have an idea.” y/n’s curious eyes look up to meet his. “i really like you, too, y/n/n. we can date in secret, to see how things go, and whenever you’re ready, we can tell everyone.”

“jack, that’s a lot to ask to you…”

“you aren’t asking me anything. i want to do this. i want to call you mine so bad—in secret, in public, however you want.”

y/n smiled through the tears. “are you sure?”

“one hundred percent, y/n. never been so sure about something.” he reassured her.

y/n couldn’t even recognize herself. two months ago she had been completely against the idea of being in a relationship and now she was utterly and unquestionably love-strucked.

she used to think she was doomed to being lovelorn because of the restrictions she had put in her relationships with other people. and now, there she was in bed, feeling lovesick just because she hadn’t seen her boyfriend in two days.

though those days helped her make the decision. the relationship between them was beautiful, it was a safe place, it was her main source of happiness. jack was everything to her and she was tired of loving him in the dark. he deserved to be loved out loud, in plain sight. she knew she was going to be the one to pay the price, but it was fine.

“you know there’s no rush, right?” jack assured her for the hundredth time. when y/n told him she wanted to make their relationship public, he remained calm (even though he was jumping on the inside) and sat her down to think it through.

y/n smiled widely. how could she not fall for him when in a world of boys he was a gentleman? “i love you, and if they call me a slut… you know, it might be worthy for once.”

“i love you, too.” he pulled her in for a kiss. “okay. let’s do this.”

“okay. i’m just warning you, i truly believe in the slang go big or go home.”

jack eyed her suspiciously. “spill.”

the girl smirked mischievously and went to grab a bag. “i made us special shirts.”

“lord save me.” jack sighed when he took the shirts out of the bag.

“you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.” y/n said

“you know i’m going to, anyways. like i’d ever be able to say no to your pretty face.”

enchantedliv um, just bumped into y/n y/l/n and jack champion 🥺 they were wearing matching shirts that pretty much confirmed their relationship ????

landrysghost what did the shirts say??

enchantesliv “i ❤️ my girlfriend.” and “i ❤️ my boyfriend.” THEY ARE SO CUTE AND WERE SO SWEET😫

user1 are we really surprised? that girl dates everyone she works with.

user2 he’s too good for her.

user3 she’s going to dump her once she meets her next co-star for sure lmaooo

user3 y’all are so jealous lmao. acting bitter just because you want him, that’s her only crime. there has never been any proof that she dated previous co-stars.

liked by jackchampion, misstrinitybliss, baileybass and 878,913 more.

y/n.y/l/n hi everyone! this is more than me saying i’m taken by the most gorgeous and kindest man on the planet. this is also me getting something off my chest. been wanting to for a while, so here we go!

since the beginning of my career i’d told myself to stay unproblematic which i mistook for never fight back or defend myself.

the media always said i dated too many co-stars—even though that’s completely false. i’ve never dated anyone i worked with (until now)—, so i set this stupid rule for myself: try not to be too friendly with my workmates. i was so scared of proving the media’s rumours right that i built this shell around me, never allowing myself to fully connect with people. and then, a couple of months ago i met jack. he made me forget about those limitations i so foolishly put.

i’m done giving anyone the power to hurt me. i’m done letting people think it’s okay to shame a woman for who they date or not.

i’ve been in a dark place for a long time, and i never noticed until my person walked into my life and showed me daylight. i’m doing better than i ever was now. i’m never staying silent again, i’m going to defend myself, my relationship and my boyfriend. always.

that was all for now, thanks for reading.

ps. i love you, jack. all i need is you <3 thanks for being the best boyfriend, best friend and person in the world.

jackchampion so so so proud of you. this brought tears to my eyes not gonna lie. you’re the sweetest ever i love you 💌 thanks for the shirt, by the way, matches my personality!

y/n.y/l/n you’re so silly😭 i love you more and intend to be cheesy forever 🫶🏻💖

jackchampion certainly no complaints from me!

[samyanggs]

“I’ve rejected affection.. for years & years..”

Prompt:buddha, thor, jack and some other character telling Reader theyre pretty After Reader has rejected affection for years b4 Meeting them ans They don’t know how to respond so they just say that he(thor, buddha, jack and some other) that Theyre pretty too?

Characters are slightly ooc sorry for that, they/them or you for reader (mostly you), the “some other character” will be revealed for you to see later (this is rly js an excuse so I can figure out who to write) requests are open and please tell me someone gets the song reference in the title I think I’m smart for it 😭 my first time writing thor so sorry for ooc

Warnings: non other than obvious favoritism (from me)

Buddha

Buddha didn’t get why you seemed so confused over affection. He figured someone as nice, kind and cool as you would be used to affection. He soon found out why you were confused about affection later once you had opened up to him and ever since then he’s been showering you in affection. He found your reactions cute whenever he complimented you or showed you any type of affection. This time was no different than all those other times. He enjoyed teasing you about your confusion a lot. “You’re pretty.. you know that?” He said, a hand stroking your hair while you both were cuddling. He looked down at you on his chest expectantly. He loved seeing your reactions whenever he complimented you, it was adorable. Though he wouldn’t say that out loud.. not until you get comfortable and used to the affection he gave you. You however, reacted the same like you always did, confused on how to respond and blushing. “You’re pretty too..?” You responded unsure of what to say. His eyes widened slightly. Out of all the things he thought you would say he never thought that would’ve been your answer. Snapping back to reality, he grinned, “thanks” he said pulling you closer to him.

Thor

He may be a stoic person, always bored and uninterested but there’s a reason why he chose you to partner with. And that’s because he loved you, truly. He was happy when you guys finally got together. However the both of you were not good with affection. Thor decided that they were going to shower you with affection every time he could, after you told him about why you weren’t used to affection or knew how to show affection, after all he was your partner. Who would he be if he didn’t at least try to show and shower you with affection. This day wasn’t that different, you and him were peacefully doing your own thing while close to each other, silent but calm and pleasant. You were both often liked basking in each others presence rather than going on a date. “You’re quite pretty.. don’t you think?” He said breaking the silence looking up from his book to look at you. He watched as you froze, unsure on what to say or do. He watched as your face became tinted with pink. He huffed out a small, silent chuckle. You looked up at him looking at him in the eyes. “You’re quite pretty as well..?” You said confused and unsure about what to say or do in this situation. Thor, however, felt blood rushing to his face, tinting his normally pale skin a tint of pink. He mumbled out a thanks and got back to reading his book, flustered. You chuckled at his reaction before going back to what you were doing.

Jack The Ripper

Jack wasn’t bothered by your lack of affection. In fact he asked you about it and asked if you were okay with it. He sat you both down for tea and asked you about it. He partnered with you for a reason, he held you dearly in his heart. Whenever he complimented you, your colour showed one of discomfort and confusion. He didn’t want you to leave him, so he did what he thought was right. Asking you about it and making your boundaries clear for him to follow. He disliked the colour of discomfort on you. It certainly didn’t look nice on you. However, once you told him why exactly you didn’t know how to respond or react to his affection., he understood and tried his best to make you as comfortable as he could manage. He showered you with attention and affection everyday since that day, hoping that once he complimented you enough, you’d get used to the affection and wouldn’t have that colour on you again. Today wasn’t any different than the other days. “You’re rather pretty don’t you think dear?” He said, while he combed your hair. He enjoyed times like this because he could get close to you and you both could spend time together. He must admit he’s rather clingy.. but that hasn’t been a problem for either of you rather enjoying it. He combed through your hair while looking at your face. He felt you tense as a colour of embarrassment and confusion washed over you. he smiled softly, treading through your hair with the hairbrush waiting for you to relax. “I think you’re rather pretty too..?” You admitted softly, unsure of what to say but saying what you said truthfully. He stopped brushing your hair to look at you fully. He didn’t expect that from you.. but he’ll still treasure it in his heart. He continued brushing your hair smiling softly. “Thank you, dear” he said, putting the comb down. “I’m done now” he said, you hummed in response. Getting up and giving him a kiss on the cheek before leaving towards the kitchen to prepare some tea for the two of you leaving a flustered Jack in your shared bedroom.

Sasaki Kojiro

Surprise its Sasaki it’s my first time writing him too, sorry for ooc!

He helped you get comfortable and used to receiving affection after you told him about your past and why you weren’t sure on how to react to receiving affection from others or knowing how to show affection to others. He taught and helped you get used to showing and receiving affection. He told you everything you needed to know about showing affection. Due to you being unused to showing affection it took a while but sooner or later you got used to it. Not only that but you were also clingy, always being close or near Sasaki made you happy and who was he to ruin that? He loved showing you affection. While you two were together, you watching him train and him training, he always made sure you had everything you needed. “You know. You’re very pretty” he said in the middle of training. You were surprised. You didn’t expect him to say such a thing at a time like this.. but it was him anyways the man who beat Poseidon. He continued training unfazed by what he just said. You didn’t know if he thought he said it to himself or if he meant for you to hear it. “You’re pretty too..” you muttered, mostly to yourself but he heard it which was expected, you were looking out the window unaware on how Sasaki had stopped training. And was now looking at you, a light tint of pink colouring his face. “Thank you” he said softly before going back to training, flustered and shocked. You looked at him before chuckling a little going back to what you were doing.

[soobnny]

wishlist — yang jungwon. best friends to lovers. fluff.

synopsis. jungwon doesn’t understand why you won’t just tell him what you want for your birthday. clueless and determined to give you the best present, jungwon is left at a crossroad. instead of getting it wrong, he might just… confess? (7.1k words)

note. since 2022 is ending, i only saw it fit to write something for my bias based on my spotify wrapped top song. drum roll please … wishlist by txt! i have also missed writing for jungwon so i hope this is good!

I. 30 days before d-day

Yang Jungwon would like to think his meticulous 15-step plan for your birthday was going perfectly.

Despite still having a month until the celebration, he had prided himself in his preparations. A surprise birthday party should always be in order for his person where he can quietly hide his feelings, yet show them at the same time – through platonically giving you a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and writing a lengthy letter on how much you mean to him as a friend.

It is your birthday anyway, and he thinks you need to be reminded everyday of how loved you are. Nevermind if his love has seeped past the boundaries between platonic and romantic. You didn’t need to know that.

So, with 14 steps down his plan, he’d like to think it was going perfectly.

He has gone back to the venue thrice the past month to double check if his reservations went through, he has made sure to tell all your friends to free their schedule for your celebration, he has ordered your favorite cake with the exact proportion of icing and cake (just how you liked it) — just step after step to make sure you had an unforgettable birthday.

Yang Jungwon would go through all the trouble again and again to make sure you’re happily fixed in a golden daze on your special day, and maybe for the rest of the days after that too.

But something was bothering Jungwon, almost like an itch he couldn’t scratch. An itch that had spread through his whole body, and he didn’t think any form of medicine could ever remedy him. It had started out as a small bother and grew into an overwhelming rash.

He has the “15th step” to thank for that. Your birthday present.

It was never easy shopping for you. Even during Christmas, you would happily tell him you didn’t really want anything. You were very much satisfied with your life right now, with the friends you had, and you wanted nothing more than to create memories forever captured in the lense of your cameras and engraved in your memories to look back on when you were older.

While it was a sweet answer, Jungwon was not having it.

He’s been discreetly trying to get an answer from you for months to no avail. All he ever gets from you is a laugh, and an annoying “guess!”. But, he knows there’s something you want. Deep down and hidden behind your sweet laughter was something he knew you’ve been wanting for a while.

Yang Jungwon prides himself in knowing you like the back of his hand. With each other, there’s an absence of needing to pretend because you know you understand each other very well. He knows you as if you’re a reflection of himself. He has drunk up your movements enough to know how you feel with a single flick of emotion.

When your legs start to bounce a little, he knows you’re feeling a little nervous. When he finds you chewing on your bottom lip, he knows you’re deep in thought.

So, when he asks you what the best present to you would look like, he doesn’t miss the glint in your eyes.

You know exactly what you want, and Jungwon doesn’t understand why you won’t just tell him.

“Hyung, I know there’s something she wants. You don’t understand!” Jungwon is whining about you again. Jay is no longer bothered. He has learned long ago that being friends with him came with the consequence of him never shutting up about you.

It was funny how Jay practically knew everything about you before even meeting you. Your favorite color, what your go-to-drink was at cafe’s, your favorite fast food chain, even little mannerisms like how you curl your lips when you concentrate enough. Jungwon unknowingly slips pieces of information about you in everything that he does.

Jay buys him Mcdonalds? Best believe he’s sharing about the time you had both gotten a happy meal the night of his birthday a few years ago. Jake brings over Layla? Jungwon’s talking about Maeumi’s particular soft spot for you.

Jay’s eyes twinkle with amusement. Perhaps Jungwon is unknowingly falling deeper and deeper in love with you – Jay only hopes you’ll be there to catch him when he eventually feels the pressure of the fall.

“Hyung, are you there?” Jungwon’s eyes are fixed on his as he tugs gently on Jay’s sleeve, almost mirroring the mannerisms of a child when they want to get someone’s attention.

Although, Jay thinks he’s partially to blame as he did allow his mind to wander off while they were walking along the crowded halls of the mall.

“I’m listening. I don’t get why you’re so worried? Just get what she wants then.”

Jungwon’s boba eyes squint as he glares at the boy he had dragged along with him. Jay just doesn’t get it! However, he doesn’t have it in his heart to get upset with the boy. Jay had willingly accompanied him to the mall despite the crowd of people.

Jungwon knows Jay isn’t fond of overcrowded places.

The mall is packed with people — officer workers, street vendors, the poor and the rich. A variety of people walk through the limited space, pushing past one another to get to where they want. Jungwon’s convinced he would’ve gotten lost without his companion.

“How am I supposed to get it if I don’t know what it is?” He’s pouting now, and Jay resists the urge to pinch his cheeks.

Perhaps Jay should’ve expected this the moment he had volunteered to go to the mall with Jungwon, but he didn’t mind. Even if he had expected it, he would’ve still accompanied the young boy..

“There’s still a month left before her birthday. You have all the time in the world.” Jungwon feels a pat on his head as he’s frantically scanning around the mall for anything you might like.

“A month means I’m running out of time.”

Jay laughs, choosing to stay quiet. He prompts to keep Jungwon close, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to make sure he doesn’t lose him in the crowd.

Jungwon tends to get lost in his thoughts, and in turn, get easily distracted in public spaces.

Old people and children were pushing their trolleys of groceries left and right. If you didn’t pay attention to where you were going, Jay was convinced you’d fall victim to the wheels of the grocery carts or accidentally bump into someone and tip their shopping bags over.

When Jay drives Jungwon home empty-handed, he tells Jungwon there’s always tomorrow, and the day after that. There was still time to figure out what you wanted.

Still, Jungwon doesn’t get an ounce of sleep that night.

II. 15 days before d-day

Six in the morning is too early.

Jungwon doesn’t understand why classes start as early as seven — he’d have to wake up at five or six, prepare breakfast for himself, get changed and look presentable, and pack his backpack.

There was too much to do crammed into an hour.

He isn’t sure how he isn’t used to getting up even earlier when training for competitions. Then again, he truly believes six in the morning is just too early.

Yet, despite his disdain for the early hours of the morning, Jungwon never fails to get coffee. Even more than that, he never fails to show up at your doorstep to walk you to school either.

None of his friends tell him he doesn’t need to get up so early in the morning if he chose not to walk you to school every morning. Something tells them Jungwon already knows this. He’s a smart boy, and they know his constant habit of walking you to school every morning is to make sure you’re safe – because he cares a lot about you.

Six in the morning is never too early to see you.

“One cold brew.” He politely tells the barista, reaching out for his wallet in his book bag. “And a matcha latte, please.”

“Would you like anything else?”

Jungwon looks up from his bag, unzipping his purse as he scans over the menu and the specials for the day. And then his eyes widen.

With a smile on his face, he adds, “A slice of strawberry shortcake please.”

Your face flashes in his mind, and he vaguely recalls you’d texted him a few days ago mentioning that you were craving the strawberry shortcake his grandmother makes whenever you came over.

However, because it wasn’t harvest season yet, his grandma couldn’t make another as of recent which prompted you to randomly text him about how you had missed his grandmother’s baking. He thinks spending a little extra this morning is worth it in exchange for the look on your face when you see what he got you. While it isn’t his grandmother’s, he knows you’d still greatly appreciate it.

And Jungwon is absolutely right.

When you catch sight of the familiar box from the bakery you frequent, Jungwon notices the smile on your face right away — trying to capture it long enough for him to remember and look back on for the rest of the day.

“Jungwon, you didn’t have to.” You flick his forehead before wrapping your arms around him in a short hug. Jungwon bites back a very obvious smile as he returns the hug.

“But I wanted to.”

He doesn’t know when his heart started beating a little faster every time you pulled him into a hug. One moment, it was a completely normal thing. The next, he couldn’t stop thinking about the short display of affection for the rest of the day.

Somewhere along the lines, Jungwon had fallen in love in the silence between best friends.

Maybe he had realized just how much he’d fallen when he realized he could do nothing next to you forever and he’d still want that – he’d still greatly appreciate just being around you.

The silence of falling in love expands as you share the slice of cake on the way to school. Jungwon snorts at the sight of icing carelessly gracing your cheeks and your nose — though it's fond in a way only you can bring out of him.

So cute, he thinks.

He knows six in the morning is too early for cake, but it wasn’t too early to see the smile on your face as you're blissfully unaware of the mess you had left on your face.

Jungwon’s lip twitches at the sight.

He doesn’t really give you a chance before he’s taking the spare tissues the guy behind the counter had given him and wiping the icing so carefully on your face.

You’re taken aback by the sudden gesture, halting in your steps as Jungwon places a hand on your shoulder to steady you and make sure there won’t be traces of icing on your face when you reach school.

When he’s done, he simply places the tissue back in the plastic bag and carries on walking. You, on the other hand, turn a bright, embarrassing red. Jungwon had been at such a close proximity without warning, and while innocent, it seemed strangely intimate.

You brush the thought at the back of your head before racing after him so you aren’t left behind.

Silence greets the both of you as you comfortably walk side by side. Jungwon shifts his weight a little bit, enough that your hands brush while walking.

“Sooo…” Jungwon starts.

“Sooo…” You continue, looking at him funny.

“What do you want for your birthday?” You laugh at his question, having heard it too many times the past month. You had already known the direction of the conversation the moment Jungwon decided to say something.

In truth, you didn’t really want anything materialistic and you’ve already told him this. You don’t know why he refuses to believe you. There wasn’t much you really wanted. So long as you get to spend your birthday with him, even in silence, you’d think that would be the best present he could give you.

You laugh at the thought that he might’ve bought you cake as a bribery tactic to finally get you to say what you wanted for your birthday. You don’t know why it’s such a big deal to your best friend.

“Is this why you bought me cake? Jungwon, I already told you I don’t want anything in particular.” You say through a laugh, bumping your shoulder with his as you take the steps up to your school’s entrance. He pouts, nudging you back while mumbling, “you’re such a liar.”

Guessing your heart was so much harder than an exam, that Jungwon can conclude as he walks to his first class after dropping you to your classroom.

With an exam, you have all the time and resources to study. And there was so much material to learn from. Guessing your heart, on the other hand, was a little more complex. While Jungwon generally knows what your heart feels like, it’s still difficult to know what it truly wants.

He spends the rest of his free time pondering over your birthday gift, phone in hand and your feed on his timeline.

III. 7 days before d-day

You didn’t mean to fall asleep on Yang Jungwon’s shoulder, with your cheek against his shoulder and your hands gripping on his sweater. It was honestly meant to be just a quick little rest after staying up all night doing Chemistry homework, so you wouldn’t fall asleep in class later on.

What stems from a lean on his shoulder results in a nap.

Jungwon makes an effort not to move too much as he makes the homework given to him prior in advance. While it was due next week, Jungwon finds that there’s free time during his lunch break to start working on it as early as now.

Although it’s a little hard to focus when your fluttering eyelashes and parted mouth is directly in his peripheral vision. Jungwon would like to believe he controls himself well – he’s mastered the art of being meticulously planned. If he could, he would’ve mapped out the rest of his life already.

He’s a little untrusting of fate, and he didn’t like the uncertainty of not knowing. So, he makes sure everything he does is in his control, whether that’s the homework due next week or his responsibilities as class president.

Jungwon didn’t see you coming though.

Your soft breathing sends him into a frenzy, and he struggles to keep on writing down ideas on his essay despite his mind being clouded by the feeling of your hands wrapped around his arm and your head drooping on his shoulder.

He doesn’t think much work can be done when he sees his friends make their way over the pair of you with smirking faces and knowing looks. Nishimura Riki is the first to nudge him teasingly, motioning over to you before giggling to himself.

“You’re so whipped, hyung.”

Instead of replying to him, Jungwon pressed a finger to his lips before running a hand down your back to make sure you hadn’t awakened from the sudden ruckus.

He knows how much you worked on your homework last night. He had been there on video call, ready to tend to any of your questions. He had also been there to convince you to sleep already, and that he would help you on the way to school the next day.

“You’re so whipped, hyung.” Riki repeats in a whisper, laughing as Jungwon moves him aside with his foot. He messily places his books on the table before pulling out the lunch box his mother had prepared for him.

“How long has she been sleeping for?” Jake slides in the seat across Jungwon, asking curiously while being careful not to raise his voice so you could continue your soundless nap. Unlike Riki, Jake neatly stacks his notebooks aside on the table.

“Just around 15 minutes now.” Jake hums in acknowledgment, smiling at the sight of Jungwon’s flushed cheeks as he constantly checks to see if you’re still comfortable in your position.

“What are you so focused on?” Slipping beside Jungwon, Jay peeks at the notebook plastered on the cafeteria table.

“My essay.” He spots the essay Jungwon’s been working on, yet a knowing smirk creeps up on his face when he sees the other page of Jungwon’s notebook. “You sure about that?”

Jay gestures towards the messily written list, and Jungwon turns a bright red upon being caught. “Okay, maybe I wasn’t too focused.”

“What is it?” Sunoo butts in the conversation, taking a bite of his sandwich before leaning over to see what all the commotion was about.

“(Name)’s possible wishlist.” Jungwon mumbles, looking over his list.

A useful something — a new watch perhaps? He knows yours doesn’t work anymore and you’re just wearing it because you’d gotten used to the feeling of the watch around your wrist. Or maybe pretty trash? You’ve mentioned multiple times that you wanted to buy a fake plant to decorate your room with.

“How about something romantic?” Heeseung peers over to make sure you’re still asleep before asking the question. “Some flowers?”

“He’s already going to get her flowers. Jungwon doesn’t count that as a gift.” Sunghoon responds for Jungwon, stealing a bite off of Sunoo’s sandwich earning him a smack on the shoulder.

“Hey, what happened to respecting your seniors?” Sunghoon pouts, rubbing his shoulder. Sunoo is unbothered as he steals his sandwich back. “I’m special.” Sunoo replies sweetly, finishing up his lunch.

“I really can’t make a guess. What could be the best present?” Jungwon mumbles more to himself, brushing a hand over your hair absentmindedly.

He looks down at you and he smiles at how cute you look with your cheek pressed against his shoulder. His friends notice this — he’s looking at you that way again, that same adoring way Jungwon thinks he’s hidden quite well.

He looks back at his list, crossing out the things he had written earlier. While going through them, everything suddenly forms a meaning.

The neck pillow reminds him of times like these, when you’d fall asleep on him in school or on the way back home when you’d decide to take the bus instead of walking. He’s reminded of times when he’d have to shake you awake as you’d arrive at your doorstep because you’d fall asleep even on the short walk from the bus stop to your home.

Jungwon made sure to always help you out though, and you’d gratefully smile up at him and squish his cheeks in thanks before stepping into your home.

The hoodie reminds him of all the times you’d steal his. He doesn’t even act surprised when he’s picking you up one day and you’re clad in what used to be his favorite hoodie. He knows you won’t even wear the hoodie he’d get you, prompting to keep stealing his because freshly bought hoodies just don’t smell the same.

The bracelet reminds him of the ones you’re wearing right now. Although a little messy and mismatched, you had both made them when you were a little younger — friendship bracelets. He remembers designing yours with a little too much heart beads. At the time, he didn’t even know he had the biggest crush on you.

A jewel box with a star called you inside is overflowing in his heart. The yearning feels a little too overwhelming.

Jungwon feels like he’s just been thrown off a plane, freefalling with everything out of his control. The harsh winds feel like it can tear him apart, and the acceleration increases with every hoodie you steal and every moment you fall asleep on his shoulder. There’s a deafening silence as he falls.

“What were you guys talking about?” You peel your head from Jungwon’s shoulder, rubbing your eyes gently before dropping them down so your best friend doesn’t scold you. Then, you lean your head back on his shoulder.

Jungwon crashes.

“Good morning noona.” Riki changes the topic shamelessly, waving at you enthusiastically.

You’re too exhausted to respond as enthusiastically, so you prompt to wave back at him instead, sending a smile his way.

A reserved smile plays at Jungwon’s friends’ mouths, greeting you as they continue to eat their food. You aren’t necessarily from the same circle, but you’ve learned to bond with the boys in different ways.

Although shy at first, you’ve found various interests to talk to them about.

You always made an effort to get along with your best friend’s circle, and they reciprocated that. The way Jungwon beams at you so wholeheartedly is enough for them to know you’re good for Jungwon. Besides, you’d known him the longest and it didn’t really take much to know that all his gentle smiles have always been reserved for you.

With Heeseung and Jake, you talk about video games to the point where they’d invite you to game lobbies without having to ask Jungwon. They regard you as one of their friends.

With Sunghoon, you share the same love for ice skating. Sometimes you’d see each other at the local ice rink and spend the rest of the time skating side by side and talking about whatever came to mind. You’ve always been hesitant with Sunghoon since he was a little introverted like you. You didn’t know if he wanted you to strike up a conversation with him. Yet, when you were ice skating one day, and he decided to skate towards the direction you were in and guide you through the rink while joking around, you knew he didn’t mind being a friend.

Jay had become like an overbearing brother. Because you were so close to Jungwon, he had naturally grown a sense of overprotectiveness when it came to you. Maybe it had something to do with protecting Jungwon’s happiness, but somewhere along the way, you’d become like a little sister to him. You knew you could always confide in him.

Sunoo was the easiest to get along with. You’d talk gossip, on the latest shows and movies you were obsessed with, on practically everything. To the extent where Jungwon would joke around about how Sunoo was stealing his best friend from him.

Riki was the sweetest. He treated you as an older sister and always got on Jungwon’s nerves with your help. You’d come along with him as he’d set up pranks on his friends, and you’d listen to him blabber about how Heeseung and Jake would kick him out of lobbies because it was way past his bedtime.

Because you meant a lot to Jungwon, his friends naturally gravitated towards you. They’d become your friends too.

Truth be told, it wasn’t the most difficult thing falling into a friendship with the six boys. While branded as intimidating, they were actually really nice.

“You can go back to sleep. There’s still 30 minutes before the next class.” Jay smiles softly at you, apologizing if their ruckus might’ve shaken you awake which you dismissed immediately.

“Wait, before you head back to sleep…” Jungwon says, cupping your cheeks and looking down at you through your droopy eyes. You hum in response, waiting for what he has to say.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

The question elicits laughter from the table, including you. With a playful glare, you tear Jungwon’s hands from your cheeks before situating yourself back on his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t take advantage of a sleepy girl.” Jungwon laughs, resting an arm around your waist to make sure you’re comfortable, and so you don’t strain your neck.

“It was worth a try.”

There’s a gentle smile adorning Jungwon’s pretty face as he rests his head atop of yours. Jungwon recovers from the crash and is ready to jump again.

IV. 1 day before d-day

Jungwon was going to go absolutely mad. It was inevitable, how he was going to go insane, the madness creeping slowly and slowly until it consumed the entirety of Yang Jungwon.

It was a day before your birthday, and while his 14 steps had been ready a month prior to tomorrow, he could not, for the life of him, get the fifteenth step down.

He thought 30 days was a good enough marker for him to have some time to get you the perfect present. He thought wrong as he scrambles through lists on end that he had previously written days.

Jungwon had already gone through it multiple times. He knows he won’t get anything new when he reviews it again, yet he still does it anyway. Jungwon has never known frustration quite like this.

Sure, he had crammed a few tests and homeworks before, but not like this. He had never been completely unprepared. He had never gone without a backup plan, a Plan B of sorts.

The stress over your birthday present has reared into a good first place of the list that was driving Jungwon straight into madness. Forget about the exams. He had studied for that long before it was even announced.

Heeseung raises an eyebrow at the sight before him. He had never seen Jungwon this out of control before with his eyes wide and his shoulders slouched over his notebook. “Still thinking about (name)’s birthday gift?”

Heeseung knows he’s right, and the blush on Jungwon’s cheeks is enough confirmation that you were yet again the reason as to why he had blown out of proportions and was panicking as he was going through your surprise birthday party with his and your friends.

There’s that sincere, loving look in his eyes that solidifies Heeseung’s question. Although Jungwon tries to appear composed and stoic, the visible panic in his voice while he reviews the plans for tomorrow was enough to blow his cover. Besides, you’re the only person that can make Jungwon go from calm to insane to flustered in the blink of an eye.

“You’re so in love.” Riki giggles as he wiggles his eyebrows at the older boy. He supposes he should’ve seen the shove coming.

“Jungwon, I’m sure this surprise birthday party is the greatest gift you could give her. Your time and effort into planning this just goes beyond. You don’t need to get her anything.” Everyone at the table hums at Jay’s insight.

While it was amusing seeing their friend on the brink of madness, it was still just a little bit concerning. Jungwon was always the one who had his shit together, and the uncharacteristic insanity was slowly creeping the boys out.

“I just really wanted to get her something.” Jungwon mumbles, staring down at his notebook before sighing out in defeat. He really wanted to get you what you wanted, but he just couldn’t figure it out. Since when did you get so hard to read?

“Maybe if you confessed to her instead.” Sunoo giggles at his idea as if it’s the most genius thing he’e ever said. It might just be.

While he meant it in a joking manner (everyone knew Jungwon was way too much of a coward to tell you how he feels, instead choosing to hide behind platonic gestures), Jungwon seriously considers it.

“As if Jungwon could actually do that.” Sunghoon looks at Sunoo incredulously, shaking his head. Sunghoon’s absolutely right and Jungwon knows it.

“Oy, hide your notebook. She’s coming this way.” Jake is quick to close the notebook that had all the details of your surprise birthday party, hiding it on the bench between him and Jungwon before waving at you innocently.

Before you can approach their table, someone calls out to you quietly. Your head whips at the sound, smiling politely at your classmate who greets you an advance happy birthday.

“Any idea on what you want for your special day?” Wonyoung smiles sweetly, hoping to hear a response.

She was planning on going to the mall after dismissal today so she could get you a gift before coming to your surprise birthday party tomorrow. Sullyoon had already gotten you a present days before, but had volunteered to come with Wonyoung anyway.

Jungwon hopes none of his friends notice the way his head whips so fast at the question.

If you won’t tell Jungwon, maybe you’d tell Wonyoung.

“Nothing comes to mind.” You laugh quietly and Wonyoung pouts at your lack of response. “Nothing?”

Guess Wonyoung has quite a challenge when she goes shopping later.

When you finish talking, Wonyoung politely excuses herself before waving you goodbye and walking off to the halls of the school.

You break out into a wide smile as you walk over to where Jungwon and his friends are. Jungwon returns the smile, cheeks burning red when your eyes fall to him. He doesn’t recall when art and beauty was capable of looking back at him.

He motions you over and pushes Riki (who was seated on the other side next to him) aside so you could sit next to him. Riki simply finds another seat across from the group.

Besides, no one could adore you in the way that Jungwon does. You don’t receive that kind of admiration from Jungwon so easily. And it’s only yours.

“Advance happy birthday.” Jungwon smiles up at you, pulling you down to sit next to him. “Thank you.” You hum sweetly before quietly thanking everyone around the table who had joined in on the greetings.

The group easily falls into banter, and your surprise birthday party is kept a secret from you for the rest of the day.

Jungwon walks you home that day, just like he always does. He admits with little shame that he was distracted the whole walk home.

You’d have to pull him back so he doesn’t walk directly into a streetlight.

He’s incredibly busy thinking about tomorrow, how the day just had to be perfect. And it’s even harder to focus when the golden light of the sun was hitting you just right, his favorite person walking right next to him.

Jungwon can’t contain his smile. He needed to make sure tomorrow was unforgettable for you. It’s one of the few days he can shamelessly show just how much he cares for you in disguise of celebrating your birthday.

He doesn’t stop thinking about you even after you’ve called him out.

“You look deep in thought, Wonie.”

“I have a very good reason to be.”

He doesn’t stop after dropping you off either. Jungwon just can’t stop thinking about you.

His thoughts range from different things — homework, his friends, you, class president duties, extracurriculars, you, competitions, exams, you. His mind always finds its way to the color of your eyes or the quirk of your lips.

He only hopes he can keep himself calm enough tomorrow that his feelings don’t bleed through.

Maybe then Jungwon can stop thinking about going in for the first kiss, maybe he just needs to busy himself with the preparations so you can stop being the subject of his dreams for a moment.

Obviously, he’s in denial. Because even with preparations, you will always be the first person he thinks about. Even more after tomorrow when there’s nothing else to be busy about.

His thoughts cut short when he meets the front of his house. So, he stops spinning the daydream of you for a moment — he can always resume in his dreams.

V. D-Day

You couldn’t say you saw it coming.

While you knew your best friend, Yang Jungwon, was up to something — you didn’t think he’d go far and beyond to actually plan a surprise birthday party.

You’d thought your birthday would just be a repeat of last year. A simple dinner with your family and Jungwon coming over to throw you a mini celebration. He knew that was enough for you, and it was enough for him too.

However, this year, he decided to take it a step further.

It was wonderfully planned. He had borrowed Jay’s house for the evening and carefully strewed colorful balloons of red, blue, and yellow around the walls (ones that the boys blew up the entire afternoon and taped themselves).

At the center, with the table of food and cake, lettered balloons carefully lined up to spell “Hapy B1rthdy”.

It was strangely endearing – how the balloons were spelt wrong. The effort was so visibly there, and you don’t know why the simple spelling error has your heart bursting with happiness. Sunghoon won’t tell anyone he almost got a scolding from Jungwon for cramming the purchase of the balloons.

They had to make do with the material Sunghoon got.

Jungwon spots the smile on your face as your friends jump out to greet you with a happy birthday. He finally feels calm. His peace has always depended on your own, and nothing warms Jungwon’s heart more than seeing his efforts in full effect.

The moment was sweet. It was just an intimate get together with you and your friends, and you had Jungwon to thank for that. If only you could actually find him through the string of people making their way to you and greeting you.

“Happy Birthday!” Sunoo wraps you up in a big hug after Wonyoung and Sullyoon had collectively greeted you and showered you with compliments.

You smile at the boy, linking your arms around his to complete the hug. “Were you surprised?”

“I was!” You exclaim, pulling away from the hug so you can face him while you’re talking. Though, your conversation doesn’t last long when Riki pulls you away from Sunoo.

His expression is serious as he drags you away, but before you can ask him what’s wrong, he stops in his tracks. With a pout on his face, he opens his arms wide and greets you with a happy birthday.

You laugh endearingly at the boy and grant him the hug he was demanding. He mumbles something about how everyone was hogging you, and he’d been meaning to greet you first but everyone beat him to it. You thank him, patting his back and he pulls away with a smile.

While grateful to see all your friends and be greeted on your birthday, there’s one person you’ve been looking for since everyone had jumped from their hiding spots. Quickly scanning Jay’s house, you finally find your best friend.

Jungwon’s eager eyes brighten at the sight of you before they motion towards his phone as if to tell you to check your own. Then, he brings his gaze up to shoot you a warm smile.

The way you mirror his smile brings a splash of giddiness into his heart.

wonie: come here. let’s go to the rooftop! i’m tired of sharing u >:(

Your feet easily bring you towards the boy behind the whole evening’s surprise. He reaches out and you sigh happily when you find his arms, inching closer so you can rest your head against his chest, cheek pressed against his shirt. He wraps you up, encasing you in his embrace, with his lips brushing over the top of your head.

“Thank you, Won.” The melodic sound of your gratefulness and the laugh that escapes your lips feels like the purest definition of heaven.

He’d plan a million birthday parties to make sure you’re forever genuinely happy.

“Oh, before I forget.” One of his arms unhook from your figure, grabbing something from behind him before carefully placing the party hat on your head, hooking the band just under your chin. He puts one on for himself too.

“Now let me borrow you for a bit.”

Without a single warning, you feel a large hand grip onto yours, tugging at you to follow him up the steps to Jay’s rooftop. You smile warmly at the giddiness radiating from the boy at his gift.

The moon has risen, taking the sun’s place as it leaves to rest. A mass of stars follows suit, taking over the skies and shining particularly brighter for you and Jungwon.

You stand there in silence for a bit, glancing at Jungwon who is clearly having a battle in his own mind. He looks pretty with the full moon flooding a silver glow on his face.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” You laugh, pressing the palm of your hand on his cheek to check if he was still there.

Jungwon had a tendency of dozing off into daydreams.

He swats your hand away with a sheepish grin, turning his attention back to you and pretending not to feel a new wave of giddiness in his heart.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” He shakes his head at you before he sighs out in a poor attempt to calm himself down.

It was now or never.

Despite the pounding of his heart, Jungwon knows exactly what to do, but it doesn’t really help when he’s a string of nerves that’s about to untangle with a single wrong move. He feels like he’s floating.

Your smile brings him back on Earth.

When he finally catches his breath, he reaches to slide his hand into yours. He gives you a soft smile before speaking gently. “Close your eyes.”

You’re about to make a retort, to tease him a little, but the look in his eyes was too delicate for you to ruin with a stupid joke. And your heart melts in your chest at how softly he speaks, with his heart on his sleeve like that. So, you comply.

You absentmindedly play with the fingers that lock between yours as you wait for his next move. Then, you feel a gentle squeeze on your hand.

This moment right now is making Jungwon’s heart burn in his chest, making his head hurt in a good way. You look so pretty with your eyes closed and your hands in his, and the moonlight pouring wonders to your face.

“Okay, stay still. I’m about to give you your gift.”

You laugh. So that’s what this is about.

“Finally figured it out?” You bounce between your feet, playing with his own fingers nervously. Did he actually figure it out? He couldn’t have.

“Stop moving, I’m really nervous right now.” His transparency makes you laugh even more, and he curses you for having to laugh with your sunshine smile. He curses himself even more for saying everything in his head when he’s nervous.

“I’m not moving!” You curl up your lips in a smile, planting your feet to the ground to quietly oblige with his request. “Wonie, how much longer?”

You've been closing your eyes for a good 3 minutes now, and you wonder what’s taking Jungwon so long to give you his present. You’re blissfully unaware of the measures and lengths he’s going through to push through with his plan.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what the best present would be. For a month, I’ve gone back and forth on whatever could be on your wishlist. So… rather than getting it all wrong. I just…”

There, on the rooftop, half drunk from his overwhelming emotions, with the sound of music from the party downstairs and you smiling and his heart bursting with something he couldn’t quite identify, he needed to confess.

You wait for him to continue, but no words come after. Instead, you feel soft lips press against your cheek in a kiss. You feel him linger there for a moment.

Your eyes shoot open and your cheeks flood with warmth when he squeezes your hand and looks at you with his stupid eyes. “I like you.”

Your mouth opens, then closes, then opens again.

You can’t seem to escape his eyes and his smile, and you find the longing in your heart intensify as he pulls you closer.

“I really, really like you.”

You blink. And in one fluid motion, you lunge forward and pull him into a hug. “Jungwon, that was the only thing on my wishlist.” You murmur into his shirt, holding onto him as if the moment could vanish at any second.

The poor boy turns into the deepest shade of red you’ve ever seen, hugging you back and staring blankly ahead of you. Did that actually just happen? Did you… did you like him back?

Yang Jungwon tries not to be big on public displays of affection, but he reaches for your hand while you head back downstairs.

Before he fully allows the pair of you back into the party, he brings his lips to your cheek again, letting it linger there for a moment before looking at you with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on his face. “This means you like me back, right?”

“I do, you idiot.” He doesn’t fight the giddy grin on his face as he contentedly squeezes your hand.

Jungwon’s heart is bursting with genuine happiness as his and your friends eye your intertwined hands. They send him a cheeky, knowing smirk as they pat his back – as if to congratulate him on finally getting the girl he’s been pining for forever.

When you blow your cake, they ask you what you want, and while looking at Jungwon, you tell them you already have everything you want, and he smiles that giddy smile of his and wonders when it’d be appropriate to kiss you.

The whole room joins in on making fun of the both of you, vomiting air and telling you guys to get a room while nudging each other.

It bothered neither of you.

The evening draws on with games and greetings, with opening presents and singing “happy birthday” in one breath, with your friends spreading icing all over each other’s faces. You look over at Jungwon who is already looking at you, and a smile creeps its way to your face. An identical one crawls on his.

When it was time to say goodbye, Jungwon walks you home and wraps you up in a final embrace. And he thinks he could stay right here in this moment – even if the world ended right now. He’d stay like this forever.

All his life, Jungwon has fought to gain the upper hand. He has always made plans and back-up plans to make sure everything was under his control. He only now realizes that falling in love was never in his control, and one sight of you has Jungwon willing to throw caution in the wind and dive head first.

This time, he doesn’t crash. He finds that he’s landed in your arms, safe and wanting to freefall for you all over again.

[euphoricfilter]

Ahhh the two tae drabbles are so good! I love the writing style omgg. If your requests are open, can you do a drabble with yandere idol yoongi? Maybe similar to "open" in terms of smut. Manager reader who's his pet and a smut scene in his studio while he's working. Feel free to write what you want though!

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐲:

pairing: yandere idol! yoongi x manager! reader

genre: smut || fluff

summary: when yoongi finally got his hands on you, he couldn’t wait to mould you into his pretty little pet

word count: 4k

tags/ warnings: slight yandere yoongi, mild fluff, mentions of death/ murder, briefly described violence, briefly mentioned animals eating a dead person, blood, smut in the forms of: dom! yoongi, sub! reader, mentioned male masturbation, oral (f. receiving- though only briefly mentioned/ m. receiving), collars, huge fucking praise kink, mildly bratty! reader, vaginal fingering, biting, scratching, reader has a slight oral fixation, degradation, big dick! yoongi, tummy bulge, dumbification, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, unprotected sex (this is fiction, don’t be stupid), creampie, cum play

notes: i feel like he isn’t yandere enough but he kills someone so yuh

request rules can be found here! || my masterlist

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Yoongi knew he wanted you the minute his eyes raked over your body when he’d reluctantly wandered into one of the Hybe meeting rooms, overzealous chatter unappealing for an early Tuesday morning when he was almost finished with his solo project.

The last thing he needed was hours of his life wasted when his inspiration was itching his brain. Flowery words ready to morph into black ink on plain paper. Forever stained with the hidden messages that only he’ll ever be able to understand. Little insights into his soul that will remain hidden between flashy lyrics and catchy beats.

It had been your first day on the job. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. Perfectly polite and ever so pretty, Yoongi couldn’t help but keep his eyes on you as you flitted between conversations. The room too loud that he hadn’t had the chance to hear your voice; though he assumes it would be the sweetest little melody, golden honey like voice soothing to his ears.

And maybe it was too soon to fantasise about what your moans would sound like, how he’d pluck them out of your like he did the notes of a guitar. How breathy they would be, perfect for the background vocals on an almost-complete song that he knew he wanted in the album. How he could tune your voice, pitches higher that usual as he rips orgasm after orgasm out of you with just his tongue.

You were so much younger than the rest of the new employees that wandered between groups of his band mates, but no less professional than all of them. Cute in the way you tried to establish a place among a group of conceited, middle-aged, snobbish new employees who clearly had no hope in your skills. Silently pushing you out of the group, laughs covered by hands and wary eyes veiled with mock concern for your well-being.

A new manager. He later found out when Namjoon had commented on you, how he was happy you didn’t seem all that pushy and nice enough to get along with; respecting his boundaries, along with the grating comment on your looks that Yoongi felt pick away at his patience. Because he knew you were pretty, so soft and delicate and he didn’t need Namjoon’s input when he never asked for it.

You were organised in the way that both Yoongi and Namjoon found stability in. And damn good at your job.

But you were Namjoon’s new manager. Not his.

The company had been doing well, having enough to higher a manager for each member rather than poor Sejin scrambling after 7 twenty somethings, 7 days a week. He’d been loyal, there from the minute they’d had their first debut stage, though he was growing older, had a family of his own now and maybe, it was his time to retreat a little from each of the boys’ lives; trusting a new team to oversee the group.

Each one now working like clockwork as you all settle into the new system.

You were too soft. Too pent on the praise of your superiors. Yoongi couldn’t believe you were a manager when he’d first asked Namjoon about you. But Yoongi wanted you. God, he wanted you so bad.

It had been easier than he’d expected to get his own manager changed with Namjoon’s, the nuisance that he had to deal with for a month, later being found limbless in a ditch far out of the city. His too touchy, hands all over his arms when he just needed space, messaging him at all hours of the day asking where he was, who he was with, fucking piece of shit manager; that he felt no remorse pulling apart like a butcher would a piece of meat, letting any wild animal chew on her greasy skin and gnaw on her bones to their hearts content.

It would have been a shame if he’d accidentally leaked something the company was trying to hide on social media, leaving it up quick enough for his dedicated fans to take a few too many screenshots. And what a shame it would be if those screenshots were to spread across the internet like wild fire.

That slight slip of tongue was all it took for you to now be his. The two sweaty faced management team members, who he never bothered learning the names of, practically kissing his feet as they beg him to keep his mouth shut. That you’ll be his in the morning, if only to give you 12 hours notice before you’re expected at Yoongi’s studio.

You hadn’t batted an eye when you’d been told you’d accidentally been assigned to the wrong idol; simply taking the news with your head held high and a polite smile to whoever the sleazy motherfucker was that oversaw your work. One Yoongi had his eyes on, he could see the way he’d tried to get a look up your skirt as you both wandered up the stairs.

The image of his dead corpse painting the stairs red as Yoongi blinks down at the two of you. And when he got 5 minutes to himself without the Hybe staff breathing down his neck because of his little outburst the day prior, he’d deal with the roach that dared take a peek at your panties.

“Ah— Mr. Min”

You don’t notice the awkward smile on your superiors face, eyes more focused on Yoongi who doesn’t dare look away from you. Keeping your eyes glued to his own as he tries to figure you out from the windows to your soul, swimming with unadulterated curiosity. Naive innocence ever so tempting as you rival a lion.

Your smile irks him. Not because you were happy. No, that makes his heart swell with something a little more possessive, a spark of happiness warming his numb heart. It irks him that countless other people would have been on the receiving end of that sunshine smile that shone rays of golden light over his languidly beating heart, dull thumping in his chest speeding up at the sight of your eyes on him.

“Fuck off” he tuts and you go to turn around with the greaseball, not seeming offended in the slightest as you hop down a step, “Ah ah, not you, Y/n”

Your feet stay glued to the floor at the call of your name, peering up at Yoongi from behind your lashes. Ever so long and pretty and it leaves the producer wondering what they would look like doused in his cum. Grey sweats doing nothing to hide the twitch of his cock as he feels it start to harden at the mere thought of you being so close to him.

You smelled good. Like fresh soap and something a little floral, though nothing too potent that it hurt his nose.

You were prettier close up. And Yoongi starts to scratch the image of you into his mind, every curve of your body he can see; fingers itching by his sides to grab onto any piece of exposed flesh he could see.

“This way” he turns, light pitter patter of your overly cute Mary Janes trailing behind him. Similar to a puppy he supposes. His puppy. His new, pretty, cute little puppy.

He notices you look away when he goes to type the passcode into his studio and his lips quirk up at that. Though you don’t notice, too focused on rocking on your heels to see his amusement.

“Sit” he motions behind him.

And you do. Taking a seat on the couch on the far side of his studio as he falls back into his rolling chair, cracking his neck before he gets back to work.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

It seemed the lines between who was in charge between the two of you had slowly started to blur over time. You followed Yoongi around. And he used your authority to his advantage. It was a perfect little arrangement the two of you had.

You never took charge. Letting him whisper what he wanted into your ear and you took it upon yourself to fulfil each and every wish he desired.

He thinks maybe it’s been almost two years since your little… arrangement had started.

He’d noticed your small quirks pretty early on. How easy it was to paint your cheeks ruby red with blush just by calling you ‘my good girl’, hands gently petting down your hair in the way he knows you like.

Watching as your thighs would clench, wondering if your panties had darkened with arousal. It was cute, how easily he could rile you up; really like an overexcited pet that couldn’t get enough of their owner.

You’d do anything for a little bit of praise and Yoongi found himself tugging at his cock on more than one occasion after you’d left for a meeting; your dusty pink cheeks spiking his arousal as you bite your lip each time he reminds you how good you are. And he thinks if you were to have a tail it would slap against the back of your thighs with how hard it would wag.

He hadn’t told you that his manager didn’t have to come to his studio at least once a day for ‘check-ins”. Didn’t tell you that you really didn’t need to wander after him like a pretty little pet as he goes between his and Namjoon’s studio. How you didn’t have to sit on the couch like a spoilt puppy as he works on a new song. Feeding you little sweets every so often for sitting pretty and not saying a word.

But you did do all of that.

Because Yoongi expected you to.

He’d heard a few of your co-workers commenting on how much work you did for Yoongi. That you weren’t supposed to be the one to get his lunch nor remind him to eat dinner otherwise he’ll just forget. That you spent too much time in his studio alone, and the company would start to get suspicious and accuse you of things you weren’t doing.

But what they didn’t know was that he’d made sure you place by his side was permanent, empty threats enough for the company to bow at his feet like he were royalty. He’d toyed with the idea of you quitting your job, merely being his pretty pet that could rut against his leg while he worked, but your position gave him the perfect excuse for you to remain by his side almost all hours of the day.

“Come here, baby” he spins to face you in his chair, watching as you fidget; a nervous habit he’d picked up on.

You stand between Yoongi’s legs, squeaking as he tugs you closer by the backs of your thighs.

“Everything okay?” he muses, watching as you swiftly nod. Flustered that he was able to utter such an intimate pet name for you as if it were really your own.

“Yes” you whisper and Yoongi nods.

“I have a gift for you” he tells you, watching as you perk up at that. Eyes shooting to meet his own, he smiles, a little reassurance that he was being genuine.

“A gift?” you ask, rocking on your heels, bottom lip tugged between your teeth.

“For being so good to me, I thought I’d treat you, baby” he pushes himself back, tugging open one of the drawers below his desk.

You tilt your head, watching as he pulls a pink gift box into his lap; velvety bow keeping the box shut.

“What is it?” you stare down at the box, and Yoongi thinks he can see you start to vibrate with excitement.

“Guess you’ll have to open it”

You fall to your knees, Yoongi smiling as he hands you the prettily wrapped gift. He stares down at you from where he’s sat, wondering just how perfect you really were. Sat on your knees between his thighs, his fingers itching to tug on your hair. Pulling your face closer until you were kissing his cock over the thin fabric of his slacks.

He watches as you gently tug the ribbon, eager fingers lifting the top of the box. You pause, blinking at Yoongi’s gift before you look up at him.

“Don’t you like it, pretty?” he asks, “I could get you another colour if you’d like?”

“No!” you slap a hand over your mouth, eyes wide at your own outburst, “No, It’s very pretty Yoongi. But what is it for?” you chew on the inside of your cheek, your exciting fizzling to nerves.

“It’s a collar”

“I know that” you nod, “But I don’t have a dog”

Yoongi’s head tips back, gruff laugh bubbling up his throat. And he thinks maybe that had been the first time in years that he had genuinely laughed.

“I know, baby. It’s not for a dog. It’s yours”

Your head tilts in confusion, eyebrows furrowing.

“Mine?” you glance down at collar, the prettiest shade of pink. Your eyes catch sight of the pendent, delicate little heart with your initials engraved into the metal.

“Mmhmm” Yoongi hums, “My good girl, yeah?”

You nod. Eyes wide as you stare up at Yoongi like he held all the answers in the world.

“Come here then” his fingers lace into your hair, tugging you across the floor so you were further between his legs.

You stare up at Yoongi expectantly and he wants to shove his cock so far down your throat you choke on it.

He pulls the collar from the box, unclipping the back, “Hair up” he instructs, and you do so.

He tucks two fingers between the leather and your neck, tugging on it lightly to make sure your new collar wasn’t too tight.

“Oh” Yoongi croons, “my pretty little pet. How perfect you are” he pulls you closer so your cheek rests on his thigh.

You stare up at him, opening your mouth to say something, only Yoongi shoves two fingers into your mouth, so far down your throat you cough.

“Pretty puppies don’t talk” he brushes your hair from your forehead. Leaning down you press a gentle kiss between your eyebrows.

Your lips close around his fingers, eyes glazing over with what he can only assume to be pure lust and want as he thrusts them into your mouth.

“You like that?” he hums, “Of course you would”

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

“Collar off” Yoongi pushes himself from his chair. Cracking his neck as he wanders towards you, slouched on the couch.

“No” you shake your head, fingers clasping around the worn leather.

“Excuse me?” he scoffs, eyes narrowing. A challenge to refuse him again.

“Collar off, doll. We’re going to eat, I know you haven’t had anything all day”

He watches your fingers wrap tighter around your collar. Mirth swimming behind his eyes at your eager display of displeasure. He’d noticed your collar had become like a safety blanket, the comforting weight around your neck always seeming to ease your anxieties.

He remembers the morning you’d stumbled into his studio, forgetting his morning kiss on the cheek as you’d scrambled to his drawers, eyes red-rimmed as you’d clipped your collar around your neck. Only then it seemed you’d been able to breathe a sigh of relief, before you’d slouched by Yoongi’s feet and suckled on the head of his cock until you were forced to attended a weekly briefing about the band’s schedule.

“Why can’t I wear it outside?” you peer up at him through your lashes, eyes wide in the way you knew Yoongi couldn’t resist.

“If you want everyone knowing you belong to me, fine. Keep it on” he drawls, “But don’t you dare start acting like a brat around me, baby”

You watch him kneel on the other end of the couch, and you crawl over his lap. His hands smooth other your back, fingers dipping past the waist of your pants, grazing over the lace that lined your panties.

“Feel empty, Yoonie” you wriggle, trying to get any sort of friction to alleviate the ache in your cunt.

“Yeah?” he hums and you nod, pitiful in your attempts to please yourself, “What do you want me to do about that?”

“Help” you snivel, crocodile tears coating your cheeks, and Yoongi thinks maybe he’d spoilt you a little too much.

He feels his cock twitch, head falling back as he groans, watching as you tilt your head to meet his gaze, cheeks shiny with saline tears.

He tugs your pants over your ass, panties damp with your arousal as he runs a finger over your covered folds. He pushes the crotch of your underwear to the side, index finger pushing into your hole.

He feels your walls pulsate around his finger, easing a second one into your without so much as a warning before he starts thrusting them into you.

Cute little whines tumble off your tongue in quick succession as you buck your hips to meet his thrust.

Yoongi’s thumb gathers a wad of your slick before he circles your clit, mean as he flicks it with each quick thrust of his fingers nudging against your g-spot.

He feels your thighs start to shake as your shove your own fingers into your mouth, tongue laving them up in saliva like you would a cock; and Yoongi starts to feel his patience waning thin at the sight of your drooling down your chin like his dumb little puppy.

“Gonna cum for me, pet?” he croons, crooking his fingers just the way he know will make you see stars.

Your eyes squeeze shut, breathy little moans accompanied by the lewd squelching of your sodden pussy as Yoongi picks up his pace.

“Wanna cum, please” you choke out, muffled behind your fingers as you other hand grasps onto the loose material of Yoongi’s sweatpants.

“Cum then”

Your thighs clamp shut as you cum, Yoongi undeterred as he continues to flick at your clit, helping you ride out your high. His fingers remain knuckle deep inside of you, thighs still quivering at the aftershock of your orgasm.

“Ready for my cock now, darling?” he pulls his fingers from your slicked walls.

Your breaths come out stuttered, head nodding gently as Yoongi pulls you up from underneath your arms.

You fall to your back on the couch, watching as Yoongi pulls his shirt over his head, pants coming off straight after. He tugs your own clothes off, thrown somewhere on the studio floor.

The producer pulls your thighs apart, groaning at the sight of your glistening folds, creamy cum painting the inside of your thighs.

You watch Yoongi as he tugs at his cock, throaty groan spilling off his lips before he pushes the head of his length through your slit. Gathering up your slick, hand lubing his cock up with your arousal.

The producer doesn’t give you any warning before he’s pushing into you, cockhead facing a little resistance from your tight walls before the rest of his cock is enveloped in your warm heat. Two fingers never had been enough to prep you for him, but if the new wad of slick was anything to go by, you always did seem to like the pleasure accompanied by that delicious lick of pain.

He gentle thrusts to the hilt, thighs flush with the back of your own as he almost bends you in half, basking in the pleasure of your walls rhythmically clenching around his cock before he pulls out to the tip.

Your arms wrap around the producers neck, mouth falling open as he rams his cock back into you, relentless as he starts his onslaught of thrusts.

You thank your lucky stars Yoongi’s studio was soundproof otherwise you may have been a little more reserved with the borderline pornographic moans that dripped off your tongue, sweet like nectar that Yoongi drinks down as he presses his lips together in a bruising kiss.

Your fingers dig into the skin of Yoongi’s back, pleasure written in the marks on his skin, maybe your own fucked up lyrics that would remain on the blank canvas of his back for the next few days, incoherent words that expressed the absolute bliss you were feeling, tumbling so close to another orgasm.

Yoongi leans down, and your head falls into the crook of his neck, hot breath fanning his bare skin as his hips continue to snap forwards, your own body chasing after Yoongi each time he pulls out, only to shove his cock as far back into your as he can.

Your teeth snap shut around his shoulder, metallic taste coating your tongue. And you think you hear Yoongi curse under his breath, ears to muffled with your impending orgasm that you smile up at him when he harshly tugs your face from the crevice between his neck and shoulder.

“You dumb fucking puppy, what did I tell you about biting?” he snaps, though you only reply with a dopey smile as Yoongi’s thrusts slow down, though the force of his cock ramming into you is no less hard.

“You really are a stupid little mutt. Who only ever has my cock on their mind, huh” he huffs out a laugh.

His hands fall around your waist, Yoongi’s pelvis brushing against your clit with every thrust he takes.

A low groan mixes with your staccato of whiney little “ah ahs”

“Fucking cunt is so small I can see myself fucking you” Yoongi laughs, hand meanly pushing down on the little bulge in your stomach each time he fully sheathes himself inside of you.

“Look, you dumb pet” he tugs your head down by the front of your collar, thrusts slowing down.

Your eyes land on the little distension Yoongi’s massive cock makes as the head punches up into your stomach. The thought of Yoongi having to rearrange your guts just to fit his cock into your pussy, paired with the final brush of his pelvis against your sensitive clit is all it takes for you to fall over the precipice of your orgasm.

Your thighs clamp shut, high pitched moan wracking up your throat as Yoongi helps you ride out your high, hands pushing your legs open wider as he continues to snap his hips forwards.

“Too much” you cry as Yoongi continues to thrust into you, no remorse for your cries he chases his own high.

His hands skim over the bulge of his cock in your stomach, head falling back as he feels himself push down on your stomach.

You feel his cock twitch, pitiful tears cascading down your cheeks as Yoongi starts to flick at your clit , your hands trying to push him away from your pussy; too sensitive but the pleasure all too tempting at once.

“Cum again with me” his thrusts become sloppy, less calculated as he reaches his peak. His hips snap into you one more time, pushing himself as far in as he can go before he paints your walls white. Your own orgasm shaking through your body as you feel him fill you with thick cum.

Your thighs continue to shake, shoulders quivering as you continue to snivel, hand held over your cunt where Yoongi keeps himself buried inside of you.

He gently thrusts into you again, making sure his cum is as far inside of you as possible before he starts to pull out.

You protest, croaky little ‘no, inside, inside, stay’ accompanied by a shaky whine as you try and grab onto his nearing flaccid dick, hating the feeling of being empty so soon after being stuff full of his girthy length.

Thick rivulets of Yoongi and your own cum leak from your hole, clenching around nothing pitifully.

Yoongi picks up the mixture of your combined arousal on the tip of his cock before pushing back into you. Watching your mouth falls open, arousal struck smile pulling onto your lips as he gently circles your clit with his thumb.

“Gotta go eat, puppy” he reminds you.

“Inside, Yoonie. Inside” you tug him closer to you with your thighs around his hips, breath hitching as his slowly hardening cock pushes back into your sloppy cunt.

“My stupid baby” he muses, pushing your hair from your forehead, “Never have to take the collar off if you don’t want to”

You smile at that, hips rolling upwards, ambrosian arousal too good to let up on as you slowly work yourself up to another high.

“Always my pretty puppy, yeah?” he asks you, tracing the worn edges of your collar. He had thoughts on buying you a new one soon, though he thinks you’ll throw a temper tantrum, too attached to the grimy pink one you’d now had for years.

“Pretty puppy” is all you manage before your arms are tightly wrapping around Yoongi’s neck, tongue laving up at the bite mark on his shoulder, a silent apology as he flicks your clit; your body shaking as you’re pushed into your nth orgasm of the evening.

“The prettiest” Yoongi agrees.

[messier-jin]

Trust Me!

I’m here to elaborate on my touch starved Knives with a reader who has “physical touch” as their love language. It’s been a while since I wrote anything in English so I’m sorry in advance if I’m rusty...

I’m hope you’ll enjoy these headcanons!

Content warning: gender neutral reader, maybe OOC, physical affection, skin-to-skin contact, fluff in general.

Song I listened to while writing: Trust Me! by DREAMCATCHER.

Knives does not like being touched. Or more precisely, he never lets anyone touch him. You, on the other hand, touching is how you prove someone you care about them, reassuring them with your presence and gentle touches.

The first time where, out of habit, you reached out toward Knives to place your hand against his back, you did not have to time to come closer enough that he stopped you. “Don’t.” A simple word which sounded like a warning.

As frustrating as it was, not matter how much you wanted to pat his back, no matter how much you wanted to give him a hug, no matter how much you just wanted to even bump your shoulder against his, you did not. You were patient and accepted his boundaries.

Well, until one day, where you found Knives fuming, alone in a room. It was not the first time you ran across him, isolating himself as he mumbled things about his brother, humans, “that woman”... And with intimidating aura around him, nobody dared to come near, scared to lose a limb or worse.

But this very day, you decided to move. You called out his name in a gentle voice. And before he had the time to reject you, you extended your hand and tenderly patted his head, promising that everything would be okay.

And at this very moment, time stopped from Knives. His eyes were focused on you and only you. He felt the tension leave his body. He never realized how much he needed the comforting pat (not that he would ever admit it anyway).

From this moment on, Knives has never rejected your touch ever again. He accepts every touch you offer, and inconsciously leans into it.

Placing your hand against his back when you leaned over to grab something? Yes. Casual bumps on his shoulder? He accepts them. You playing with his hands and fingers when you’re talking with him? Please, do. Giving him goodnight cheek kisses when you head to bed? He melts on the spot. A goodbye hug each time you have to go working? He does not want you to stop.

Knives got used to your physical affection faster that he thought he would, quickly becoming addicted to it. He even complained that one time you were sicked and you were the one refusing to touch him to not give him your germs. “I can’t get sick. Come.”

With time, Knives would start to initiate the touches himself. Except that his ones were more daring, as I can picture him liking skin-to-skin contact (in a not sexual way).

Sometimes, when you go to bed, Knives follows you to lay down and has some rest, even if he does not need it as much as you. He slips his hand under the top of your pajamas to place it against your belly, gently stroking the skin there.

When he feels more comfortable with the idea, his hand moves up to rest on your chest, just above your heart. He just likes to feel your heart beating under his hand. And with your permission, he would lay his head against your chest to listen to your beating heart (with or without your top on, but this man has his preference for without because, once again, skin-to-skin contact). And if you were to gently play with his hair, caressing his scalp with your fingers at the same time, he would just melt in your hands.

(Also, if someone dares to come and bother you two during these kind of moments, Knives would destroy them on the spot, no question asked).

All in all, Knives would never admit how much he fell in love with your gentle touches, nor how much he actually craves your physical affection and seeks it when you’re not here to offer him any... But it’s obvious he loves it. After all, you’re the only one who can touch him.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone! What a couple of weeks huh? We're so back etc. I've still not recovered from the blooper and bts blessings. But I'm back again with another round of the fic I've been reading so far this month! You can find previous rec lists here.

9 August 2024

i'm here with the door wide open by @eddiebabygirldiaz oh my god the YEARNING in this fic. I actually wailed when I got to the end. Eddie POV, he's struggling with the silence with Chris gone, and the absence of the life and noise that he's so used to in his home. Through it all, Buck is there, sweet, supportive, vibrant and loud in his presence. Eddie tentatively comes to listen to what's not being said out loud. I absolutely adored the delicate hand held out to all the relationships here, and the beautiful imagery in the writing. But mostly the intimacy which struck me so deeply. Love is indeed stored in the kitchen. Just gorgeous.

in love with every song you've ever heard by @timeshareindestin I'm so glad I saw the beautiful art of hard of hearing Buck and his firetruck red hearing aids, because it led me to read this wonderful fic, in which he grapples with the disability he suppressed as a child, and realises that the family he craves has been there for him all along. This is an emotional read, and I particularly loved the flashbacks to his childhood and Maddie's support, as well as the realisation that he can be brave and vouch for himself with people fighting his corner.

Operation: Keep Eddie Diaz Busy and Annoyed by @gigi-gigi 'the one where Buck forces Eddie to keep busy while Chris is gone, but ends up catching a bad case of The Feelings in the middle of Eddie learning to love pickling things to irritate Chim and charming old ladies through square dancing.' THE FLIRTING. Dear god the flirting. Just delightful.

where the tumbleweeds blow by @tallahasseemp3 a buddie road trip fic! In which Eddie goes home to Texas. Buck follows. Along the way, they find each other. The perfect thing to read after the deleted Christopher and Eddie scene, with them learning to find their feet with each other whilst Eddie also learns to trust himself with Buck, and establish boundaries and a new understanding with his own parents. Such great family dynamic examination.

free mustache rides by @standback ALL HAIL MOUSTACHEDDIE SMUT!! 'Eddie comes back after two weeks in Texas with a) Christopher, b) a tan, and c) a mustache.' In which Eddie is flirtatious and a bit smug about the effect he's having, whilst Buck is entirely mesmerised, and needs to sit on his face about it. Funny and hot.

Safe for Work by @911-alsaurus continuing with the funny and hot theme, Al's specialty, in which touch starved Buck looks for some way to alleviate his cravings, and 'Eddie offers to be Buck's official head scratcher, shoulder massager, and general tactile needs provider. It's a really normal thing for friends to do. Surely.' Featuring an excellent Chim cameo.

Paint Me in Neon and Make Me Glow by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels HELLO exhibitionist streak Buck 5+1 hot as hell buck tommy fic. Truly Lincoln writes their dynamic in such a fun way, I love how tongue in cheek teasing Tommy is and how playful and intrigued Buck is here, whilst being extremely turned on. Kink exploration that ups the ante with each new tentative discovery. There's no room to be shy!

Every Day You’ll Still Show Up by @bluflamingo was a really nicely characterised buck tommy fic, an emotional oneshot in which they're early days boyfriends set close to S7 canon, learning to comfort each other when Buck returns after a bad call. There was a gentleness to this that I could genuinely see slotting into the show, and I really liked that it was a regular call out that went wrong rather than a massive catastrophe.

PS - once again sending out the signal to ask if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! Have you SEEN S8 Hen's arms in those tank tops? Dear lord. Help a lesbian out?

[eldritch-nightmare]

yandere sully headcanons.

a/n: don't look at me i couldn't help it okay i'll work on requests soon just let me have this. dear god it's been so long since i've written anything i hope i still know what i'm doing uhm i listened to stockholm syndrome by erra on repeat while writing this (i am obsessed w the song okay) so if that influenced it a bit then yeah it's 5am ignore the messiness and typos i just Had to write this in one sitting.

warnings: gn!reader, yandere behavior, obsessive behavior, thoughts of kidnapping, actual kidnapping, thoughts of cannibalism, kinda slight possessive behavior, scopophobia, mentions of restraints, technically a precursor to the yandere sully bot now that i'm looking at this.

He's oh so confused when he first starts feeling things towards you. It's only a brief burst of confusion, only because he's never felt this way for another person before.

Sure, he'd burn the heavens and hells for Liu, and he's pretty buddy-buddy with Eyeless Jack but this? It's new to him.

The confusion doesn't last long, that's for sure. Sully knows exactly what he wants, and he's rather in tune with his emotions so he's able to figure things out quickly.

The intensity of his love certainly surprised him though. The first time he thought 'I want to lock you up and make you mine', he took a step back and was like 'Hey man, that's pretty strange...' but he gets over this pretty quickly, obviously, or we wouldn't be here.

Besides, it's not like he's going to act out on these thoughts, right? I mean, sure, you're the most fascinating person he's ever met but he has restraint. He has a lot of restraint, thank you very much.

Haha... well... about that...

You see, Sully does have a lot of restraint, so he doesn't actually act out on these thoughts and desires for a really long time. He's fine with watching you from afar.

And also because if he did, it could lead to trouble.

He also knows that Liu would be very unhappy with him if he acted out on these desires, and Sully actually really cares about Liu and his boundaries and stuff. Sure, he could totally keep it a secret since they don't share memories and whatnot but still.

So he's content with just watching you from afar and having these thoughts. Shall I provide some examples of the thoughts he has about you?

They'd look so cute chained up and in tears.

God, I just want them to say my name like a prayer.

They're so adorable when they laugh... it makes me want to eat them.

I wonder how they'd react if I took them away from here just so I could keep them all for myself. No one will know where they are except for me... they'd never be able to get rid of me...

Wouldn't it be cute if they realized I want to make them mine? They'd probably run, but that would make things so much more fun.

I honestly think I'll kill anyone who tries taking them from me. They're mine, and I have to protect what's mine.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

He loves literally anything and everything you do. You could never bore him, even if you try really hard to. He could listen to you talk about some topic he doesn't care for for hours because it's you who's talking.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure if he'd bother hiding his obsession with you from you. He definitely hides it from Liu, Liu cannot find out, and the others, but I feel like it's so obvious that Sully wants to just devour you.

The way he looks at you certainly sends chills down your spine, and there's something in you telling you to keep your distance, for your own safety.

He doesn't even care to be subtle when he's watching you. You can always feel his gaze on you whenever he's around, it's almost as if you're the only thing he can focus on whenever you're around. It would be kind of cute if it didn't unnerve you so much.

But it's not just that.

It's... the way he looks at you. The... the pure smitten look in his gaze as he watches you do such mundane tasks. The way his gaze always lingers whenever something or someone else needs or wants his attention. His eyes feel like they're going to consume you whole if you look into them. It's only with Sully. You never feel like this when you're around Liu.

He's well aware that you're uncomfortable with his gaze, and he thinks it's adorable how you avoid interacting with him and how you try hiding away from him whenever you're forced to be around him.

God, he could just eat you up.

And it's so hard for him to see you getting along so well with other people. He just wants to pull you away whenever you get too close to someone.

Oh man he's so very casual with all of this as well. You think it's weird and disturbing, he thinks it's romantic and a part of everyday life.

You've thought about mentioning this to Liu a few times but... what could he do? It's not like he can control Sully. Besides, Sully hasn't done anything that makes you feel as if you're in any immediate danger, he just... watches you. And smiles, occasionally, in a way that makes you unnerved to imagine what he could be thinking about.

Well, until now, that is.

What can he say? He has restraint, sure, but even he can't help but give into his desires every once in a while. And this time he just... decided to take you away.

Not while you were awake, of course.

No, he would never let you be awake for something like that. It's also just easier snatching you while you're peacefully asleep, blissfully unaware.

And you're so cute when you're sleeping, did you know that?

He lets out such a dreamy sigh as he watches you sleep on the bed he set you down on. He had brought you deep into the woods, keeping you in a neat little abandoned cabin that he managed to fix up nicely in his spare time.

Only he knew about this place. He didn't share it with Liu. It was his place. And now, yours as well.

Sully thought about restraining you to the bed... he even has a decent-length chain just for that, but...

Not yet.

He knows the chances of you running when you wake up are incredibly high, and honestly? He wants you to run. He'd love to chase you, it'd be fun for him.

You entertain him in ways no person has ever been able to. You make him feel things he's never really thought of or felt before. You're... interesting to him, which really says a lot.

He's never been so intensely interested in something before, let alone someone.

You're just special like that, he supposes, and he can't wait for you to wake up so the real fun can begin.

The only real concern that Sully has is Liu. Liu, bless his heart, would never approve of this. He's too nice, too compassionate. He wouldn't want Sully to keep you captive in a cabin in the middle of the woods. He wouldn't understand.

So, Sully does intend to keep this a secret from Liu. And the others. It's not like they'll suspect him of doing anything.

After all, he's just the guy uninterested in his surroundings, why would he have anything to do with your disappearance?

[thottyimagines]

Who in Naruto would stand on business and not text their ex or situationship back and who actually would

ABSOLUTELY texting their ex:

Naruto, which is canon, I think. I've little knowledge of Boruto, but I'm pretty sure he and Sasuke exchange carrier pigeons, like, all the time. Naruto would text an ex without any prompting, let alone texting them back.

Sakura has shockingly little self-esteem or respect or dignity when it comes to romance, and she's more than willing to entertain anyone interested in her who isn't a total uggo (re: Rock Lee and any other not-conventionally attractive suitor).

Deidara has no concept of boundaries or closure. He thinks he can just keep sending a stream of consciousness. If his ex ever texts him first, he's going to town on the diary entries sort of texts. He's opening his notes app and copying and pasting all the weird poetry he's been writing since the break up.

Sasuke, but ONLY if it's Naruto.

Kakashi wouldn't text an ex back, but if he got a text, he'd show up in person and just...see what happens.

Choji wouldn't know how to not text back, because he'd feel mean, given their shared history. It's anyone's guess as to whether or not he still has romantic intentions.

Rock Lee is texting back with pleasure. A splendid new friend out of the ruins of romance has emerged!

Hashirama and Madara. Just...just look at them.

Jiraiya, in hopes of a booty call coming out of it.

Tempted, but should pull through:

Ino would love to text back just for the drama, but has a healthy amount of self-respect. If there's no reason to reconcile, there's no reason for her to talk, she can sadly admit.

Hinata would, ordinarily, want to text back, but she might just get too stressed and her teammates could find her in time to rebuke the ex's efforts.

Similarly, Itachi has poetry at the ready to send through, but Kisame might just eat his phone to prevent the Young Adult Meltdown that would ensue.

Hidan, if his feeling are well and truly hurt enough, wouldn't text back. But...well, he might show up to their location and give Jashin a real good day.

Kurenai went years without Asuma showing his face, whilst he was running around defying his father, so she should be fine ignoring the siren song of an ex text. But then...

Oh, Neji has paragraphs upon paragraphs to send living right there in his notes app, but he shan't. He won't. He'll just send them rancid vibes whenever they encounter one another in public for life.

Not texting back:

Shikamaru hasn't the energy to entertain this. Things ended for a reason, and he shan't make himself miserable doing a back and forth in the aftermath. Blocked.

Kiba's sister won't let him text his exes back. She blocks them on his phone as soon as the break up happens. Kiba has no idea they tried to reach out.

Asuma has no interest in texting unless it's for a booty call.

Gaara is too afraid of his wounded pride unleashing the monster within, so he doesn't entertain highly emotional interactions like this.

Kakuzu is straight up tracing the text back to his ex and turning them in for bounty, no matter how meager it is.

Shino agonizes over it, but he prevails.

Tenten talks it over with Neji, who just beats up her ex for her instead.

Genma has deleted their number as soon as they stopped hooking up. Who dis?

[friendly-neighborhood-furry]

sometimes the state of the world makes me want to go outside and scream as loud as i can for help. sometimes it makes me want to crawl deep into a hole and never come back out again. sometimes it makes me want to fall to my knees and sob uncontrollably. sometimes it seems so hopeless that i cant see any better alternative other than just disappearing.

so much evil and destruction and suffering-- and for what?

what is it all for?

for the latest popular billionare to take a 13 minute flight? for the newest remake of a movie that changed my life to get turned into mindless sludge? for a never-before-seen species of animal to be discovered, then pronounced extinct the very next week? for millions of people to go broke for having cancer?

i tell my mother that i wont be able to afford a house. she says "no, you will." i tell my counselor that my government wants to kill me. she says "that's not true." i tell my teachers i don't see a point in doing well in school because i wont be able to get a job anyway, even if i have a college degree. they tell me "no, you'll get a job. school is still important." i email my senators begging them to stop funding the genocide in Palestine. i get a copy-pasted email back with a history lesson about why that wont happen. one million people died from COVID last Christmas and i'm the only one at my school still wearing a mask. my future as an artist was ripped from my hands in less than two years and pretty soon i wont be able to share anything about my art at all. i'm half mexican, but everybody says i'm "too white" to be a "real mexican". its been four years and i'm nowhere closer to understanding my gender identity than i was at the start. tumblr has been my only safe space for three years and now that KOSA might pass this week, where will i go?

and all the while, through all of this conflict-- people are still falling in love for the first time and rescuing kittens off the street and watching their children take their first steps and getting married and making fun little indie games and building elaborate cosplays of their favorite character and making the most heart-touchingly beautiful pieces of art you've ever seen and meeting lifelong friends and cooking amazingly delicious food and playing children's games and weaving baskets from pine needles and taking care of livestock and collecting little knick-knacks and having the best day of their lives and writing their first line of code and learning to play instruments and hatching baby birds and posting a 100K word thesis about a show they really like and uploading song covers for 19 people on Youtube to listen to and pushing the boundaries of what science can accomplish and discussing moral philosophies in the comment section of a Reddit post and feeling truly seen in the eyes of another human being for the first time in their lives and growing old surrounded by the people they love.

the future is uncertain, but the world will go on. the winds will still blow and the tides will still flow. people will continue to find joy in this hell and fight for it with everything they have.

so don't give up.

"don't give up," i tell myself.

"don't give up," i tell you.

"don't give up," i scream into the sky.

there is always something to keep going for. if you cannot find it in yourself, find it in others. find it in the people in your life and the people you see online. find it in the good of humanity you know to exist.

find it. keep fighting. don't give up.

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about…0.1 flaws and all by wave to earth

Having grown to love wave to earth in the last year, I was so, so excited for their first ever studio album! It did not disappoint at all and I have been playing it on repeat since it came out. If I were to sum up this album in a few words, they would be “love in a day.” The two sides of the album come together beautifully to represent the many ways of experiencing love and heartbreak, while associating them with the progression of a single day. wave to earth’s music is unique because it always evokes not just a specific feeling, but a specific picture or scene in my mind.

1. bad

The first track on A-side, ‘bad’, begins with an almost playful melody on the guitar, and is perfect for signaling the start of this day of love. The narrator sings of deciding to let themselves out of the house on this day, which seemingly turns into the best decision they could have made – they meet the person they love, and realize that their day could only go well if they spend it with them. The music used beautifully conveys this very message. The first verse, where they describe “Lately, life’s so boring/I’ve been watching Netflix all day alone…”, is accompanied by somewhat melancholy tones on the guitar, alongside a softer drum accompaniment and bass. However, the tone of the music brightens with “When I went to the park/I recognized you at a glance”, and as they end the pre-chorus with “We already know that we’ll be together”, the drums and bass play the same rhythm together, much louder, conveying the happiness of finally meeting someone you love. Similarly, the tone of the music is brighter through the second verse, which describes being with this person. wave to earth’s English lyrics rarely rhyme – but in the second pre-chorus, vocalist Daniel rhymes “I recognized you at a glance/Face to face, we smiled/And I finally held your hands” – as though his day and life fall into the right rhythm when he’s with this person. Also, while his voice is bare and unaccompanied through the first part of the chorus, he adds harmonies on the final line ‘And I finally held your hands,’ giving the impression that this same harmony enters his life as soon as he holds hands with the one he loves. The playful melody of the guitar, and the slow description of Daniel moving out of his house alongside the lyrics “coffee in the morning” create the perfect atmosphere of the beginning of a sunny morning of happiness, and starts off our journey with wave to earth through their day of love.

2. sunny days

The next two tracks, ‘sunny days’ and ‘peach eyes’, could signify the passing of a sunny morning and afternoon with someone you love. sunny days has a bright and refreshing sound. I particularly liked the lyric, “we melt this love and recreate it/as we imagine it/that’s how we make sunny days.” I always enjoy how Daniel writes lyrics that transcend the boundaries of different kinds of love. This one suggests that love can be whatever you want it to be, whatever you make it to be, and that’s how you create a lasting love with someone that adds sunlight and happiness to your life. Although the songs have romantic undertones, I found it just as easy to relate songs like ‘bad’ and ‘sunny days’ to spending a fun day with my friends. I think Daniel really does “melt love and recreate it” with such lyrics! The most evocative part of these songs, I think, is that the use of imagery in the lyrics brings to life the yellow glow of sunlight, “the beautiful scenery of the streets” and “the chirping of birds.”

3. peach eyes

‘peach eyes’ continues a similar theme, with a slightly lower sound that resembles admiring the one you love. This contrasts the higher and brighter tone of ‘sunny days’ that conveys the joy of being with your favourite person. The lyric “peach eyes” was a bit confusing to me at first, but bassist John Cha describes that the song was inspired by the band’s first international performance at a festival in Thailand, where the innocent happiness of the fans’ eyes evoked the phrase “peach eyes”. With this context, the song was even more heartwarming – ‘peach eyes’ suggests a softness, gentleness and calmness in the eyes of someone you love. The song suggests that this person grows ever more important to the narrator, with lyrics like “how many songs I write”, “how could I not rely/on you, peach eyes”, and finally “besides I won’t find nobody/to give my whole life, it’s you.” ‘peach eyes’ has a more late-afternoon vibe – the narrator describes “blue skies”, but then “you’ll be my sunlight” – although the sun is setting slowly, the brightness of their companion’s existence makes it feel as though the sun is still lighting up their day. This song comforts me and makes me smile and dance along a lot!

Together, I think these songs show the peaking and climax of a day, alongside the peak of love in a relationship – as the sun reaches its peak, so does the love the narrator has for the person they sing about.

4. evening glow 

‘evening glow’ is an interestingly contrasting song that sounds like a transition between the former sunny glow of the album, towards a slowly setting sun and a slowly ending love. The melodies of the song are soothing and have a nostalgic, romantic feel, but the lyrics are laced with twinges of sadness. The bright electric piano at the beginning, along with the lyrics, “If I feel broken/you will find me” create the impression of a love song, but the following lyrics – “Those useless words were falling apart on me/I’m struggling in my world” immediately destroy those impressions and come as a shock. While the opening melodies are soothing to the ear, the line “I might be full of flaws” sounds dissonant, almost out of tune – it conveys a theme like ‘flaws and all’ perfectly, and the next line “but you will crave my heart” is sung in a soothing, gentle tone, seemingly a comforting acceptance of those very flaws.

This song sounds like a mix between sadness and denial over being hurt by someone you love. The first verses use lyrics with an imperative tone: “you will find me”, “I might be full of flaws/ but you will crave my heart” – as though trying to convince oneself that this person couldn’t truly hurt you, they’d continue loving you as you are and save you when you feel broken. But the chorus reflects on being hurt by the person in a painfully sad way – “I’m broken/So take me to the evening glow/And lay me down on the sun/The tender sun.” It makes the pain caused seem almost romantic, desirable and something that the narrator wants to hold close and accept. The narrator seems to hope that if they get close enough to the “sun” that brightened up their days earlier, laying down on it despite its heat, they may feel less broken. They hope that the hurt this person caused them may lessen as they try and hold on to the glow of the setting sun, to the beauty of their fading love.

5. pink horizon and

6. pink

Hearing the studio version of this years-old song was the most satisfying thing about this album, and ‘pink’ is definitely my favourite song! Combining ‘pink’ with its intro, ‘pink horizon,’ is perfect in creating a dream-like feel. The experience of listening to ‘pink’ was a hundred times more amazing with ‘pink horizon’ to go with it, and I rarely listen to the two songs separately now. ‘pink horizon’ creates a cinematic picture of a pink sunset in my mind, from the fading in of the scene to a full shot of a field bathed in pink light, an image created by the soft piano at the beginning. As other instruments join in, the image grows clearer and paints itself, transitioning into the beginnings of ‘pink’.

‘pink’ feels like a memory remembered while experiencing the sunset. The lyrics seem to construct a dream world – “Everything is free here/A heart that spreads and flies.” The narrator seems to run trying to hold on to this dream – “I ran through the grass until my shoes were worn out/While the sun sets” – they try to grasp the fading love as they run towards the setting sun, holding on to this last beautiful memory. “I drew you/Your beautiful appearance,” they say – they need to draw in the image of the person they love, create this last beautiful memory so they can find a reason to hold on to a love that is fading. The fleeting nature of the relationship and the day is seen as the narrator goes on to say “The day passes by so fast/Almost as if it will be forgotten.”

The romantic vibes created by the melodies on the chorus, and the gentle guitar and saxophone at the end of the song, add to its dreamy vibe and create an even deeper sense of nostalgia, but also one of yearning and grasping for something faraway. With this song, we see the end of the day – the sun sets and it begins to rain, as the narrator sings “Around the time the raindrops burst/Will I miss you?” This song is beautifully comforting and the melodies are truly so satisfying to listen to. It’s a song that I hold so close to my heart – I played it on repeat once I’d had a few listens out of the album!

7. calla

‘calla’ continues on from the previous track, beginning with “It’s raining hard today…” The song continues the theme of a fading love, this time with the narrator giving their all to saving this fading relationship. “It’s raining hard today/It’s a bit too much for me/I know it will make you smile/So let ourselves get wet inside the rain.” The narrator allows themselves to be wet in the rain although it isn’t what they enjoy, just to see a smile on the face of the one they love. As their world “fills with the scent” of the one they love – as they see them happy, they glimpse their past love in their lover’s smile, they hope this moment is forever, and not a “daydream.”

The narrator describes their relationship as a calla lily – after they grow, these flowers enter a period of dormancy after which they regrow and bloom again. Thus, they see their fading love as something temporary – they hope that just like a calla lily, this love can grow back after its temporary death. Maybe this moment of happiness means that their love can be saved, that it can grow back to be the beautiful calla lily it once was. The narrator wants to put in every effort to ensure their love grows back – “If you don’t have enough sunlight/I’ll blow the clouds away/Calla.” They try to bring back the sunny days and bright light that characterised the beginning of their relationship, as described in the first few tracks of the album. Although the narrator tries to ‘get wet inside the rain’ at the beginning of this song, catering to their companion’s feelings, they once again try to bring the sun, their conception of happiness, back into their love and relationship.

The tone of this song is decidedly sadder compared to the previous ones – while they contained a nostalgic yet dreamy and romantic feel, this song’s melodies speak purely of yearning, of pain that stems from love. The song ends with the plain sound of only the bass and the drums – these instruments, which usually create rhythm, play with no accompaniment. This could show that the relationship has truly ended – without the melody and music holding it together and drawing it forward, all that’s left is the rhythm, the structure: the memory of what once was.

8. love.

From the outset, I could tell this was a song that was filled with emotion and had been made with a lot of effort, heart, and, well, love. The melodies convey a love so overwhelming and powerful. I learned that the song is very special and describes the love Daniel has for his fellow band members and others he loves, and describes how they help him live with love. I read the lyrics in English and I almost felt that there was nothing more I can say that he hasn’t already said. There’s nothing more I can add that wouldn’t tamper with the deep feeling and pure heart Daniel put into this song. But I love this song so much I had to write something about it.

The song progresses in a crescendo that seems to match the growing love and gratefulness in Daniel’s heart towards the people he loves. The first verse starts with a soft tone and mellow music, while the pre-chorus picks up both in loudness and as the notes progress upwards in pitch. As it transitions into the chorus, with the lines “Finally, the world is mine,” we hear a clear declaration of this love. The second pre-chorus and chorus truly showcase the rising and peaking of the crescendo – “Finally, our world is perfect/With love/With love”. Once again, the notes progress upwards in pitch and sound harmonious, reflecting this world that feels perfect just by being filled with love.

The choruses, with the lyrics “After I grew and healed in my small heart/It breaks, hardens and melts/Only then can I see my eternity.” And then, “Like a small wave/My small heart/Is broken and pushed/And melts into you/Only then can I see my eternity.” These lyrics seem to describe the healing force of love – how it helps you grow and heal but also can truly shake your heart and alter the way you feel and see the world, causing a shift in your mind that really does last for eternity. He captures beautifully the sudden, lasting change, but also the comfort and healing that a long-lasting love can bring.

Especially during the second chorus, the main melody on the guitar sounds to me like an incoming and retreating wave, mirroring the lyrics and the nature of the love Daniel sings about here. Another thing I love about this song is how harmonious it sounds – the melodies are very pleasing to my ears and feel consonant enough to be from the same scale. But when I tried to sing this song, I realized how many notes are actually flat and require you to take on a pitch you would not normally expect. I think that conveys so much meaning. That when you love someone, you’re willing to subvert your own comforts and expectations if it means it’d make them happy. It also shows that though any love and person is flawed, it will always seem perfect to you because you value it so much. You accept it with all its quirks and imperfections.

I’m really moved by how genuinely and beautifully love is conveyed in this song, and yet it is left open to interpretation what kind of love one associates this with. I think that this is a beautiful conclusion to the A-side. Even through growing to love and value someone, being hurt by them and trying to save a relationship that fails, there are different kinds of love, and even through all the pain and flaws that come with it, it’s still truly what makes our world perfect and worth living in.

9. homesick

This track opens B-side, its melodies creating a forlorn feeling of a misty, freezing winter day. As A-side transitions from day to night, it can also transition from sunny, happy days of love to rainy, cold days of heartbreak and loneliness.

This song seems to convey remembering a lost love in a more painful manner, seeing the dreams of the relationship you hoped to have break in front of you – “all I wanted was to fly high/I can’t believe my wings are broken/and fell against the sky”. The chord progression on piano for this sounds dark and purposefully dissonant, as though signifying a deeply entrenched pain. Similarly, the rhythms are slow and seem almost to stick, as though they refuse to move forward, resembling the freezing, misty tones of this song. The tone with which Daniel sings this is also something I’d never heard him do before – it really amazed me! His voice sounds silvery and fairy-like, resembling ice crystallising on tree branches. In this way, he really conveys the feeling of being heartbroken on a cold winter day, wishing to return “home”, to the dreams he created, although his house is now “gone.”

The lyrics “I can’t believe my wings are broken/and fell against the sky”, when contrasted with the songs on the A-side of the album, really reminded me of the story of Icarus. It seems as though in chasing this love that resembled the sun and holding it close, even laying on it (evening glow), he flew too close to the sun, and the wings of love that helped him fly and dream melted, much like Icarus’. He now freezes in the cold, starkly contrasting the warmth of the sun that he had just been experiencing.

10. dried flower

This was a song I was already planning to write about! wave to earth released the songs ‘daisy.’, ‘calla’ and ‘dried flower’, which beautifully describe the flowering and withering of love. ‘dried flower’ seems to serve the same purpose here, following the song ‘calla’ with its story.

While the lyrics of ‘calla’ conveyed some hope of saving the relationship, this song seems to show the narrator finally accepting that what they so cherished has now withered away, beyond saving. ‘calla’ suggested, “the whole world/is getting filled with your scent”, but ‘dried flower’ contrasts this with “the scent of love has been dried out/the words you gave me have been already dried out.” A similar contrast is seen with “If you don’t have enough sunlight/I’ll blow the clouds away, calla”, and “There will be no blossoms for us/We don’t have any wetness, no sunlight.” While in ‘calla’, the narrator tried to enjoy the rain and bring the sun back to rejuvenate the dying flower of the relationship, they now accept that there’s nothing that could possibly allow their love to grow back like a calla lily – there isn’t even a semblance of a flower left to shower with sunshine or rain, there’s no love left to save.

Here too, the melodies are dark and dissonant, which emphasises the sadness of the song, but also the distance between the narrator and their companion. Particularly, the notes of the saxophone at the end add to this dark, painful aura. I wished ‘daisy.’ had been on the album somewhere too to complete this beautiful trio of songs – all the same, dried flower is painfully beautiful!

11. sunburn

‘sunburn’ seems to describe the delayed pain of being too close to someone who was like the sun – finally feeling the unbearable pain of aloneness, of loving someone too bright for you. The song puts a different spin on the ‘sunny days’ of A-side – instead of beautiful scenery, the surroundings, much like their feelings, are like a wasteland of “rubbish filth” where the sun has “gone black”, throwing “smoky haze” in their eyes. Although it’s dark, late at night, the narrator still feels the burning pain of the sunburn. They wait for the morning to cool down the unbearable heat – they hope tomorrow will be better, but the air still feels hot, they cannot escape the painful memories of a lost love.

Once again, Daniel’s tone of voice conveys these emotions perfectly. He uses a raspy tone when he sings, “smoky haze in my eyes”, as though it is in fact burning him as he tries to see. Additionally, his voice is subdued and seems to blend with the instruments – rather than the focus being on his singing, the production of the song creates a slight clash between the vocals and the instruments, as though he really is being suffocated in a wasteland of heat and burning sunlight.

The instrumental break before the final chorus and outro was also really interesting to listen to. The saxophone sound seems dissonant alongside the other instruments, and the use of pitch bends further add to the pain that the song conveys. It suggests confusion and hurt, a multitude of thoughts and memories that don’t seem to agree with each other. The fast beats on the drums also suggest spiraling through your mind as you sift through past memories and relive the hurt they put you through. I truly love the way this song is sung, written and arranged with its evocative sounds and imagery!

12. akira

‘akira’ is an interlude that presents a calmer mood compared to the highly emotional and painful tones of the previous tracks on B-side. It has a cleaner, brighter sound. It was interesting to hear a track by wave to earth arranged without a guitar, but the bright piano sound with the drums and bass adds to the calmer, lo-fi feel of this interlude. I enjoyed how I could identify the melodies and sounds that each instrument was playing on its own while also forming a whole. The bouncy rhythms come together with the brighter melodies, possibly to symbolise a sort of slow acceptance of the confusion and pain conveyed in the past few tracks.

13. nouvelle vague

Continuing on from ‘akira’s’ more hopeful tones, nouvelle vague (which means new wave, I just found out to write this!) seems to describe a change of heart, a sudden seed of hope that begins to grow. The narrator seems to realise that although they have been through such hardships before, it’s an opportunity for them to learn and grow again – “It seems like we’ve been on this sharp road before/If the soles of your feet are worn out/You’ll grow all over again.” They want to move ahead now with no expectations for the future, leaving behind a past of pain and simply taking life as it comes (“The place to go back to is fogged up now/If we go forward, will there be something to see?/I really have no expectations”). The narrator tries to hold on to this ‘new wave’ of hope, hoping it doesn’t fade away and they can truly ensure it grows and fills their heart up completely. The melodies seem to convey excitement, mystery and anticipation. The saxophone is used in a versatile way in this album – first conveying nostalgia, romance, confusion, and now, in this song, hope.

14. so real

‘so real’ is really a magnificent conclusion to this album. The sound was beyond anything I expected. The beginning starts out soft, resembling the melodies of wave to earth’s ‘ocean floor’. The verses have a reflective tone – the narrator has been changed by the pain they have been through, in a way that’s difficult for them to explain. However, it seems they wonder about what could’ve been had they done something different – “take me to the bridge/I just wanna see the river/Tell me what’s your wish/I can’t make it real/But I’m just curious.” While they can’t change how things are now, they can’t help but wonder what could’ve been if they’d been able to fulfill their wish. The river seems to represent something of a crystal ball to me here – they can gaze into its waters and visualise all the things that could have been.

In my mind, I saw the song progress such that the narrator peers into the river and sees all the possibilities of love, heartbreak, everything that could’ve happened if things had worked out differently for them, all at once. I see the silence in the middle of the song, followed by the fast-paced instrumental break, to convey just this. The fast, jerky drum beats and the smoother rhythm on the saxophone seem to show a speeding reel of possibilities and scenarios – just as one imagines all the things that could have, but did not happen, rushing through their mind, the music conveys this same experience. I think the title ‘so real’ thus encompasses this perfectly. It’s an experience that is ‘so real’ – it’s real, relatable to everyone who wonders how they got to the point they’re currently at. It’s an experience that feels ‘so real’ – imagining things that could have happened in such detail that they almost come to life before you, but they are still in your head. It is a track that truly brings together all facets of wave to earth’s expression, and is a perfect conclusion to this album.

This was a review that I was both scared to write, and that took me ages to write. Life meddles with things and I kept getting interrupted while writing this, although I love this album with my whole heart and wanted desperately to write a review since even before it came out. It was difficult to convey my thoughts when I wasn’t able to anchor myself purely on analyzing the meanings of lyrics. wave to earth use music and melodies as much as their lyrics to convey the emotions in their songs, and with my slightly limited knowledge of how to explain certain musical concepts and sounds, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to convey my impressions clearly. Overall, though, I think ‘flaws and all’ truly is filled with every single aspect and feeling of wave to earth. It’s an album made with a lot of love and care, and I feel that each musical choice was intentional and conveys something deeply meaningful. It’s an album that I hold very close to my heart – I hope I have been able to express my impressions of it clearly!

References:

pink - adapted from pink english lyric video

love. - adapted from love. english lyric video

nouvelle vague

[tenderhungering]

veep headcanons? :3

oh this will take a WHILE……i love veep so much. i’m about to wrap up season 6 right now ! i think i’ll do little headcannons / analysis for each character ! i might do a part 2 because i want to also do some more supporting characters. like you know damn well im gonna wanna write for catherine and marjorie as a whole,,,

Selina

named catherine “catherine” like her mother in order to be able to yell said name in anger the way she never could yell back at her mother

the severe mommy issues make her need every single one of her staff to be emotionally involved in her. if she isn’t the center of their life, she gets anxious about it, even angry. she needs to be validated

depends heavily on spellcheck,,, i just think she hates phones for some reason.

she can tell EXACTLY how someone is feeling by making it up in her head and believing it ❤️

got arrested once in her youth and it was wiped off the record. #supportwomen’swrongs

Amy

would do super super well taking up something that makes her adrenaline pump. they keep trying to get her to relax by making her get massages, meditate and be in quiet. she needs NOISE. she should be allowed to beat someone up at least once a day

had a little gray cat whenever she was younger. she likes them ! they’re similar to how she is whenever it comes to boundaries.

bisexual but she has a stressful job so she doesn’t have time to think about that rn

she would benefit from me in her life actually

actually really liked dan bc dan seems to personalize the relationship to the person (dan is so kind ❤️) so she was into him but suddenly got the ick.

Dan

trigger warning for SA and grooming: i think dan’s relationship with sex is so affected by the fact he slept with his teacher whenever he was younger in exchange for a good grade. it has made him view it was an exchange, a transactional affair. it’s why he’s so shit at intimacy, he doesn’t see to her anything out of it.

watches all the latest movies but it’s only because he keeps taking women out to go see them:

has a really sensitive stomach,,,,he says it’s something he ate but i feel like whenever he gets anxious it happens to

catholic guilt galore but he’s busy so he CANNOT get into it

he’s so the type of boyfriend who does baby talk and when he’s recorded he gets real mad about it. get that camera OUTTA here

Mike

he is like a baby duckling to me that’s why he wanted to raise them actually

has so many useless apps on his phone. why do you have a flashlight app you have a flashlight BUILT into the phone. its okay though bc he watches lot of youtube tutorials

probably wanted to vlog at some point but he got yelled at by selina in a clip so he stopped

the personality hire,,, everyone loves him but god he can be so bad at his job sometimes. everyone gets mad but never enough to fire him

because he started dating wendy, he started to dress up a little more ! ties and handkerchiefs match. i love you dad

Jonah

he so ran one of those private meme accounts whenever he was younger but he got so bad at everyone saying they were lame he just posted a screenshot that said SUCK MY DICK SON and blocked everyone

his incessant gross comments are a result of being around a bunch of rich white men that happen to be politicians that tend to laugh at them. he has daddy issues. he needs the validation

his little curls going missing are a result of him getting his hair straightened because he wanted to look more professional actually. he burnt his hands so he begged his mom to help him

gets really anxious about his health CONSTANTLY and has a will written out already because he’s scared one day it’ll (he doesn’t know what) catch up to him

Gary

he knows the lyrics to every new pop song ever. he loves it. he used to play Just Dance whenever he was in college or something i don’t know i feel like he might’ve even been in a club that requires that

has an extensive skin care routine. he puts on those fluffy headbands sometimes but stopped bc he realized it was to keep your hair dry and his is so short lmao

definitely has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. he just pops a pill of whatever and hopes that it works (it doesn’t)

needs heavy validation from authority figures,,,like badly,,, i think that’s why he enjoys it so much whenever any of selina’s boyfriends acknowledge him as a person (or anyone gives him any importance)

he needs someone to tell him what to do because he is so lost on having any identify that isn’t directly tied to someone else ? he’s not even really sure what he himself likes anymore. uses “we” more than he uses “i”

[afh48]

Hey there! If it's still ok to do a Bechloe ask, could you write a Bechloe fic based on the song Birds of a feather by Billie Eilish? Thanks so much!😊

it's ALWAYS okay to do a bechloe ask!!!! (i might not always do a prompt tho) i'm sorry this has taken a while; it's been a super busy day for me!

i hope you like it; it's pretty short. set somewhere between pp1 and pp2.

//birds of a feather//

"Beca, can I talk to you?"

God, that couldn't be good. Beca's breath hitches in her throat. Because Chloe never asked to talk, Chloe's eyebrows never knitted together like that, and and Chloe's lips were almost never tilted down like they were now. The brunette forces a smile, nodding. "Sure, dude."

And Chloe walks quickly from her position in Beca's doorway to her usual spot beside her best friend on the bed. This time, however, she doesn't cuddle close, doesn't pull Beca against her. God, this couldn't be good.

Beca offers a weak smile, pushing her laptop off her lap and to the foot of the bed. She twists to sit facing Chloe, brushing a strand of red hair behind her friend's ear. Heat rises to her cheeks as she pulls her hand away.

"What's going on, Chloe? You're not usually like this."

Chloe laughs. "I know, I just..." she trails off, looking down at her hands. "I've failed Russian Lit twice now, Bec. I feel like--I don't know, Beca."

Her soft hands (hands that Beca loved to hold, not that she would ever admit it) spring up to cover her face as she groans in frustration.

"Hey, hey," Beca says as she pries Chloe's hands away from her face. "Talk to me."

A soft sigh escapes Chloe's throat. "I've been a Bella for six years. Six whole years. I've failed Russian Lit twice to stay here." Now, she leans into Beca, resting her head against the other girl's shoulder. "I feel trapped."

Beca tenses. She hadn't expected that. Chloe had always loved the Bella's. Beca didn't think that Chloe felt trapped here, with them.

"Not-- Not that I don't want to be a Bella," Chloe clarifies, her hand drawing little circles on Beca's exposed thigh. Beca struggles to calm her heart at the contact. "I love being a Bella. So much. But I just... I feel like that's all I'll ever be."

Beca isn't used to this. Nervous Chloe. Unsure Chloe, with her shaky breath and her teary eyes. She swallows and slowly runs her fingers through Chloe's soft hair.

"I feel like if I don't force myself to leave, I don't know. Maybe I'll never be anything more than just. A Bella."

"Chloe, dude..," Beca starts in an attempt to soothe her friend.

But Chloe interrupts her. "I think I'm going to graduate this year," she says. "I think I'm going to move away. Get a life."

Beca is silent. Chloe is leaving. All of the sudden, Beca can't breathe. She stops running her fingers through Chloe's hair.

"Beca?" Chloe calls, lifting her head to look Beca in her wide dark eyes. Her features are sad and Beca feels her heart break a little. Beca inhales sharply as Chloe flips over, positioning herself on Beca's lap. "What are you thinking, Bec?"

When Beca can function again, she looks up at the beautiful girl above her. Fuck, how she longs to reach up and pull Chloe down to her, to press her lips against Chloe's.

"I'm so selfish, Chloe. You don't want to know what I'm thinking," she confesses, her voice quiet. She wants Chloe to be happy, wants Chloe to go live her best life. She just wishes that Chloe could live her best life here. With her.

Chloe just shakes her head, leaning down dangerously close and resting her forehead against Beca's. They've done this before (Chloe seriously has no sense of boundaries sometimes) but this time is different. It makes Beca ache.

"I want to hear. I want to know what you think." Chloe's eyes are too blue and her lips are so full and soft. Her eyebrows knit together and she takes in a deep breath. "I want to know what you want me to do."

Beca's hands are around Chloe's waist and she's not quite sure how they got there. The two girls are so close, and Chloe's so warm, and Beca wants to die. It's wrong that this feels so right.

Beca loves Jesse, she really does. At least, she tries. She tries to be the girlfriend he wants, she tries to be that movie-esque love interest that Jesse expects. And they get along, like, super well. Jesse's really fun, and he's sweet.

But Chloe.

Chloe is perfect. Chloe is warm and bright and she makes Beca want like Beca has never wanted before. She brings out the best in Beca, draws Beca out of the walls that Beca had spent so long building. Beca wants nothing more than to kiss Chloe and tell her all of this, but she can't. Not when she's Jesse's girlfriend. Not when it could ruin everything she has with Chloe.

Chloe's statement has hung in the air for a few moments before Beca finally speaks. The smaller woman swallows heavily. Her fingers are fidgeting behind Chloe's back.

"I want you to stay."

Chloe's gaze softens. She lets out a heavy breath and settles into Beca's lap. And waits for Beca to say more.

"I... I need you, Chloe. I want you to stay with me." It's hard to say, and Beca feels her eyes water up. "You... You're my best friend." That's even harder to say. Friend. "I don't know what my life would be like without you."

It's her turn to wait now, to wait for Chloe's reaction. She expects Chloe to tell her that she is being selfish, that it's not fair of her to hold Chloe back just because she's afraid of being without her. The rebuke doesn't come.

Chloe's arms are slipping under Beca's body and all of the sudden they're hugging. Beca can tell, after a few of Chloe's face being pressed into Beca's neck, that Chloe is crying. She finds her own hands trailing up and down Chloe's back in an attempt to soothe her.

"I didn't know you felt that way," Chloe whispers, pulling back. She's so close now, their lips mere centimetres apart. Beca can't help but look down at Chloe's mouth. How easy it would be, to lean forward just a little, to taste Chloe at last.

Chloe falls to her side, leaving Beca's lap. Beca hates how much she immediately misses the contact. But then Chloe's hand is cupping Beca's lip, turning Beca's head so that they're facing each other again.

And Beca lets herself hope. She lets herself believe, for just a moment, that the moment she had thought about since her first Aca-Initiation Night would had finally arrived. She lets her eyes flitter shut in anticipation.

"You're my best friend too, Beca," Chloe says, and Beca's eyes open. Oh. Chloe's smiling at her, that warm, genuine smile that Beca adores. "I can't imagine my life without you either."

Chloe presses a quick kiss to the tip of Beca's nose. Beca freezes. Fuck. "I'm tired," Chloe yawns, and settles into Beca's side.

Beca manages a stiff nod. Her eyes are wide and her heartbeat is frantic and it's a wonder that she remembers how to breathe. She forces herself to relax. Chloe is tired, after all.

She's slept over before. In fact, they do it all the time. Chloe would slink into Beca's room, slip into bed with her, and Beca would let her. Beca would welcome her, pulling her close, breathing her in as the pair of them drifted off to sleep.

But this time is different. Because Chloe wants to leave. Because Chloe just kissed her. Because Beca's just come to a realisation.

Beca is in love with Chloe Beale.

Beca is in love with Chloe and she wants Chloe to stay by her side forever. She wants Chloe curled into her side every night until she's in the grave.

"Beca?" Chloe whipsers, her voice hoarse with sleepiness. The light is still on, it's still only eight at night, but she's visibly tired.

A hum comes from Beca's throat. She can't quite speak yet, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm staying," promises Chloe, her lips brushing against Beca's cheek. "I'm staying with you."

[alwaysvivid]

𝐝 𝐮 𝐥 𝐜 𝐞 𝐭

sweet and soothing in all aspects especially in regards to a voice. delightfully pleasant.

PLOT chan is beyond sweet, he’s everything sora has ever wanted and more. she can feel herself falling for him but that was never part of the plan.

CHARACTERS lee sora ˒ bang chan & im changkyun

﹙ mentions kelsey @inter-stellar-jyp.⠀﹚

WORD COUNT 3.7k

GENRE angst ft some smut

PLAYLIST s o r a.

﹙ send in songs that remind you of sora.⠀﹚

a/n i haven’t written in literally 2+ years & it’s unedited so please PLEASE be nice to me. i’m proud to finally be writing again and trust there’s many more wips to come !

[ sept. ‘19 ]

sora needed a distraction and she needed it fast.

she hadn’t realised how far she had fallen until it was too late, until she found herself waking up in chans arms for the 9th consecutive morning. She had lived in chan’s dorm - and skin- for over a week , and yet she still wanted more. she could stay with him forever.

both vivid and stray kids were on vacation leaving chans dorm empty and sora available to keep him company. the vacant dorm allowed them to play house the full 2 weeks, ignoring the fact that they had barely even admitted having anything more than a sexual attraction to each other. within those walls they were soulmates who couldn’t be separated for even a second, she loved him and he loved her and they lived happily ever after.

they get to play pretend.

when it came to sora she had 1 golden rule that she made sure she never broke no matter what and that was don’t stay the night. waking up together was too intimate , that was how it started to get complicated. the domestic cuddles and sweet performing kisses always warped the boundaries of their relationship and sora did not have the energy for any of that. she just needed passion and attention then to be walked to the door and never spoken to until the next time she needed a warm body at night. she had become an expert in the game , and that was because she never broke her number 1 rule. but yet there she was day after day draped in one of chans oversized hoodies, hugging his back as he made her scrambled eggs just the way she liked them.

there werent words that could accurately explain how she felt about chan, the closest word she equated it to was obsessed, she was absolutely obsessed with every little detail about him. on the rare mornings that she woke up before him she found herself watching as the sun streamed through the miniscule gap between his curtains. she’d lie cramped into his bunk bed staring at him. she would watch the way his lashes fluttered ever so slightly against his soft pink cheeks. she should be embarrassed by how long she spent just looking at him, but to her own concern she did not care. she attempted to snuggle even closer to him as she connected every freckle on his face. his freckles were all faint and easily missed but sora noticed them early on. she would count every single one of his moles, they were only visible when she was this close to him. he had 7 scattered across his face. chan was a breath taking type of beauty, you don’t even realise you hadn’t taken a breath in 5 minutes until you’re passed out conveniently in his arms.

every time she’d sense him stirring beside her she’d act as if she had been asleep just like him, only to be ‘“woken up” by chans soft lips on her forehead and his rasp filled whisper of “good morning.”

every morning and every night she’d wait in anticipation for the gentle touches that always grew rougher , the sweet kisses that escalated until they were desperate and deep. she was obsessed with the way he’d look at her just before she came , like she was his absolute favourite thing to ever exist. her brain would fog as she begged for a kiss , his hands tightly gripping at the flesh of her thighs as he pulled her impossibly closer. He always whispered the prettiest words in that moment. sora sometimes felt like he kissed her like he actually was in love with her , like he was just as obsessed as she was

when people spoke about butterflies, sora never imagined them to be so overwhelming and nauseating. yet ,her heart never let her get up and leave thus stopping the weird stomach flutters. it all felt so real, she almost believed it too be real, almost. sora liked to believe she wasn’t delusional enough to think they actually were anything more than fuck buddies. but there she was lying awake almost every night hoping one day he’d roll over and say the words that scared her the most.

and that was delusional.

sora needed to feel grounded again, she had been floating for far too long she was losing herself. she had to get him off her mind and out of her system. she needed a distraction or maybe a reality check , whichever came first. bottom line was whatever she needed, she needed it immediately before her delusions lead to heartbreak and betrayal once again. which is all to explain how she found herself pressed against the door of a random club bathroom ,changkyun thrusting into her with the birthday dress he’d bought bunched at her waist.

the details of everything that lead to the current events hadnt yet registered in her brain. Somewhere between her tequila shots and martinis she found kelsey and asked for the tiny pill she knew she always had. honestly the details were lost in her brain but at least she wasn’t counting the moles on chan’s face.

“missed this. missed you.” changkyuns words came out choppy and muffled, his rambles almost incoherent due to his head being buried deep in her neck.his lips barely lifted from her skin as he spoke.but his words felt empty, he didn’t mean it and he didn’t bother trying to act like he did. at least chan felt genuine when he’d say the same thing , whether he actually was was a whole different story.

the bass boomed so loud that sora felt it against her back, the white wood doing very little to mute the music blasting on the other side nor was it any good muffling the obnoxious sound of skin slapping together. if anyone was within ear shot they knew exactly what was going on in the tiny-dirty- bathroom. it also didn’t help that changkyun decided to be particularly loud that day.

“you miss me too baby?” he lifted his head to make eye contact, his eyes dark and hooded. sora lifted a hand to brush the hairs sticking to his forehead to get a better look at him. he looked as good as she remembered. same sharp features she used to drool over, his stare just as hypnotizing as the last time, his dick filling her just the way it always did. there was a reason changkyun had sora under a spell for years, he was addictive.

sora nodded her head yes as her thumb dragged along his bottom lip pulling it down ever so slightly. changkyun had truthfully barely crossed her mind for the past 2 months but she agreed, hoping it would boost his ego and have him finish faster. changkyun chuckled as he nosed the strap of her dress until it fell off her shoulder, giving him just enough room to properly sink his teeth into her clavicle. “say it.” he demanded.

“missed you too.”

some twisted part of sora really did miss him. there really was something so familiar about the whole experience: the hollow feeling in her chest that she’d self medicate with alcohol and fickle relationships, the way every moment melted into each other as the bass of the speakers had her ears ringing, the way that changkyun looked at her and how their bodies moved together on the dance floor and the rushed kisses and movements against any surface they could find. even the emptiness of his words left some odd nostalgia in her.

she missed the way he would push her into the mattress till she felt like she disappeared, the shot of dopamine she’d get when he’d finally text her after disappearing for almost a month. changkyun kept her on her toes, had her wanting more every time. sora was never bored when it came to him, she never knew what to expect. the never ending excitement was also their downfall, the instability becoming all she knew.

sora wasn't stupid, she knew changkyun wasn’t good for her no matter how deeply in denial she was. she was aware it wasn't healthy to always leave his place feeling like a shell of herself, like it a piece of her was left behind . it left that ache in her chest that she grew accustomed to. but that was exactly what she needed, to be consumed by his meaningless touches, and let herself sink into the door. maybe then she’d wake up from the deluded dream she was living in with chan.

changkyun kissed up sora’s neck, pausing to bite into the flesh just under her jaw. chan usually sucked that spot. she couldn’t help but whimper ,slowly refocusing on the man in front of her. the tips of her long acrylic nails dug into his broad shoulders - chan was broader. she whimpered loudly as he started to suck on her neck harshly, definitely trying to leave a mark. he wanted everyone - chan - to know.

the words that changkyun whispered against the shell of soras ear didn’t register but she reacted by arching her back nonetheless. she used to fiend for moments where changkyun paid her this much attention but now all she could do was compare him. sora tried her hardest but she couldnt push away the sound of chans voice calling her pretty. she felt the ghost of his finger raking through her hair in the morning. she could feel him kissing her like he loved her. sora felt her eyes fill with tears as she forced them shut. trying to make the image of chan disappear. how did she let it get this far? why did she let anyone have this much of an effect on her. she hated it. she hated him and his stupid sweetness.

changkyun sped up at the sight of sora’s teary eyes , assuming it was his doing.

“feel that good baby ?”

sora didn’t reply just lulled her head back as the tears rolled down her cheeks taking her liner with it. it always smudged , it never lasted until the end of the evening.

she let out a small hum to appease him and it appeared to be exactly what he wanted.

“that’s right, better than that stupid boyfriend of yours?” he grumbled as he grabbed her jaw , his grip forcing her to face him. sora opened her eyes staring directly into his.

“i don’t have a boyfriend.”

her sentence came out short, her lack of breath abd already emotional state had her on edge. changkyun chuckled as his thumb pulled at her bottom lip jus as she had done earlier smudging her already messy lipstick. he pushed his thumb into her mouth slowly. “thought i lost you for a moment but you’re still mine. all mine.”

sora distracted him by sucking on his finger just as she’d always done. his eyes focused on her mouth as his thrusts sped up. she hated when changkyun said she was his. he’d go on and on about her being his but he was never hers. he made sure she knew that.

“i’ve never seen the point in exclusivity, no one keeps to it. someone always ends up lying to the other and cheating. just resentment and hatred everytime. why deal with all the rules and complications of relationships when you could just get what you want and leave.” the words once repeated to sora years ago rung loud in her ears as she tried willing away the tears.

changkyuns grip on her waist grew tighter as the strength that kept her up against the wall faltered slightly. “fuck, can i cum inside?”

“no.” she spoke quickly much to changkyuns surprise, she always let him cum inside.

sora tapped on his arm signaling for him to let her down. changkyuns face remained puzzled as he lowered her to her feet, the jelly state of her legs was the last thing on her mind. sora fell to her knees in the least elegant way possible, a bruise was sure to blossom in the morning. she tucked her hair behind her multi-pierced ear before opening her mouth slightly for changkyun to cum in. with a loud huff he tugged his fist up and down his shaft as he placed the salty tip on her tongue. his orgasm came in hot white spurts accompanied with changkyuns grunts. sora was thankful only a little bit got on her cheek, she really wasn’t in the mood for a full facial.

changkyun let out a soft sigh as he attempted to level his breathing. he watched as she crawled on the floor towards to roll of toilet paper, taking a bit and wiping at the sides of her mouth in an attempt to look presentable again. changkyun took note that she used to lick it up and open her mouth to prove she swallowed it all.

the tiny bathroom fell silent in a way that wasn't comfortable, it was agonizing. the sound of changkyuns zipper was all that could be heard in the small confines on the room. loud knocks filled the room as both their heads snon the door.

“just a minute.” sora yelled , surprised her voice wasn’t as horse as she thought it would be. she took a deep breath using one hand on the cool tiles of the wall and the other on the lid of the toilet for leverage to lift her up to her feet. despite being slightly unstable she managed to get up and look at herself in the grimey mirror.

sora looked at her reflection for far too long , she could feel changkyun staring at her in confusion. she couldn’t look away , the girl in front of her felt almost foreign. she hadn’t felt or looked like this in months and she didn’t like it yet she felt she deserved it. this is what girls like sora do. they don’t play house with sweet boys. they get get fucked in disgusting club bathrooms.

sora never felt like anything. she was just hollow and destructive. everything she touched felt like it was destined to fall apart.everytime anything felt good it would end leaving sora even more empty than she was before. a fun time until they get bored and move on to the next one. the constant rotation taking a piece of her until she had nothing left. the girl in the reflection looked hollow even with tears stains she looked devoid of emotion, devoid of a heart.

chan was good and kind and sora didn’t deserve all the good he had in him. she would ruin him just like she ruined everything else in her life. she didn’t want to ruin him but she couldn’t imagine leaving him. the come down was always more intense than the high and sora was feeling it. it was like withdrawals but from a person. she couldn’t breathe. fucking changkyun didn’t even work. she couldn’t escape him, her old ways weren’t working. there was no escaping anymore she was too deep in and her heart was doomed.

the knocks against the door were louder the second time pulling sora out of her haze. with a huff she swung the door open not even warning changkyun as she stood staring blankly, “oh my fucking god, here have the bathroom! fuck!” she pushed past the girl as they exchanged looks. sora could tell that she said something back but she didn’t care, she needed to get out of there. changkyun followed behind her as she walked off. fixing his hair as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder forcing her to stop in her tracks.

“we off to my place then?” sora kept walking as she felt his words like a weight on her chest. she couldn’t do it.

nothing. sora felt, heard, smelt and had nothing. the loud beating of her heart was the only thing reassuring her that she was, in fact, alive. she didn’t feel alive, she hadn’t for a long time.

taking deep breaths in through her nose sora tried to shut her brain up. she was spiraling she could feel it, but no matter what exercise she did that her new psychiatrist had taught her she couldn’t shut up her brain. her thoughts growing louder as her breathing became more labored.

“wait sora-“

before she even processed anything sora was walking. there were indistinct voices as she moved. it was as if they were screaming after her trying to get her to stop as she exited the club. she couldn’t tell who it was specifically,everything was blurred. she didn’t listen to them all she cared about was that she had to get out. the smoke filled room was suffocating her.

sora blinked slowly to adjust her eyes from the red neon lights to the dim street lamps along the road as she walked down it. she barely knew where she was going or what she was planning to do when she got there but she was moving and there was no stopping her. only after walking for some time did sora register that she didn’t have shoes on. they were definitely left in the bathroom but she didn’t care, at least she was out.

sora’s feet moved on their own accord,her mind still foggy. she couldn’t process where she was but it was familiar enough that even her overwhelmed and high mind was directing her somewhere.

her breath was still shaky and uneven as she stared at the same door she had walked out of just hours before. with whatever energy she had left she lifted her hand to hit her knuckles against the wood.

“sora?” the voice was soft yet strong. chan. she walked back to his dorm. she knew she hadn’t gone far when she left for the club. sora felt so embarrassed her stomach turned, why did she study the route from the club? she paid so much attention that even as fucked up as she was she still managed to somehow get herself back to the person she was running away from.

she didn’t reply, she couldn’t. his face was painted with concern yet he looked just as beautiful as she remembered. her beautiful boy. “come on let’s get you back inside where it’s warm and dry,” he spoke softly and slowly, not wanting to cause anymore damage than what was already done.

sora hadn’t even realized that it had been raining. her mind was too busy to notice that her body was soaking wet. she must’ve looked a mess , the tear stained look she had early barely compared to the state she was in now.

she tried to focus on his words and process what he was saying but the sound of her own heart beating in her ears drowned out anything and everything around her. the silence that filled the dorm was so loud sora thought she might scream. it felt like it was crushing her . why of all places was she there, with chan in his arms shaking. chan’s hands softly stroked her hair bringing her back to him. her breathing mimicked his as he attempted to help her as best as he could.

sora took a deep breath and allowed herself for the first time in months to feel at ease. she could feel him press his lips on her cheek like he always did when he tried to soothe her. it worked. she couldn’t understand why or how but chan never failed to make her feel at ease.

“you’re okay .” chan repeated in a whisper, continuously stroking her hair soothingly. sora forced herself to believe it even just for the night

in that moment chan didn’t care to ask where she had been or who she was with or where her shoes were or why she walked in the rain at 4am. he had to help her. he gently removed her makeup and changed her out of her soaked dress, his large sweatshirt engulfing her and surrounding her with his comforting scent again.

sora held him tightly that night, she pushed away the thoughts that she needed to leave, run away before the inevitable heartbreak. her heart was swelling and thumping the way she knew was dangerous,she was in love. and for the first time in years sora let herself feel everything. every nauseating butterfly, sickeningly soothing kiss to her face and headache inducing heartbeat; all of it. she wanted it all.

sora was in love and it was terrifying.

[takendruid]

Apologies for all the ranting I’m about to do. This is the ramblings of an autistic guy who’s been overstimulated by being outside for like 10 hours, and also is running on 6 hours of sleep.

I want to draw Aimi (my oc) and Overhaul, but I’m so tired right now. It’s 10pm (almost 11 actually now, I’ve been writing this for over 30 minutes). I cannot draw them otherwise I will get sucked into drawing for 6 fucking hours.

This is my OC btw, just for quick context.

I want. To draw Aimi and Kai. After Kai and Lady Nagant are arrested. And Kai is so broken,, and has finally (maybe) been able to see his father, and also perhaps apologised in some form to Eri. The heroes know Aimi was close to Kai, and that she’s the only person that’s technically innocent but still kind of complicit in his crimes. But because she’s a sane person who denounced his abuse of a literal child, and left him because of it, (and also because he’s quirkless) the heroes are like “maybe. Maybe this woman can actually help him. Somewhat.”

So they bring Kai to Aimi, and he is a broken man. She is heartbroken by the state of him, and all she wants to do is help him (and hold him, but she doesn’t. She respects his boundaries). The heroes are like “being in prison, and also being physically disabled, kind of broke him? Mentally? So can we entrust you to take care of him and maybe rehabilitate him. He will be on house arrest, and there will be a hero on alert if he ever tries anything. But can we trust him to you?” And Aimi is like “yes. But also. Can I build him prosthetics?? He’s quirkless, so he’s essentially harmless (but stretching the definition)”.

Heroes say yes. She builds him prosthetics.

I just. I want to draw them together so bad.

I don’t know if anyone would care about this, but people seemed to really want to know more about her, and see more of her. I’m gonna draw them again soon. I just,, I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been out all day today, and got 6 hours of sleep.

They mean so much to me. I can’t.

He’s still like,, mad germophobe. And she also has OCD, so she gets it and doesn’t judge him at all for his anxiety over her house being a bit messy. Their anxiety rivals each other, just over different things entirely. But also,, she’s a mechanic, so it’s also kind of hard for her to keep her house entirely clean, because she’s always doing shit and accidentally leaving the house a mess. But Kai gets on her case about it because “it’s dirty” and “it could attract bugs”

Taken try not to project onto every brown-haired OC he ever has challenge: Impossible. (The OCD part, not the amputee part.)

Overhaul cares about her so much in my silly little head, and the reason he could care about her so much is because she’s quirkless and “isn’t infected with hero sickness”. Also because she supported his desire for a quirkless world until he decided to bring a child into the fray, and torture and abuse a child. A YOUNG child. Aimi, reasonably, disagreed with that (as shown above) and left the Shie Hassaikai. He was so goal-focused and tunnel visioned that he immediately dropped the one person he genuinely cared about besides Chrono and his dad, and didn’t realise the consequences of his actions until it was too late and she had gone from his life. But he decided it was fine and a necessary sacrifice in order to move forwards, especially since he had other people to help him. But he missed her so greatly, but never let anyone know. Chrono caught on, but never pushed. All that mattered to Overhaul was his goal of a quirkless world, and then he could have Aimi back, not realising she would have hated him because he had tortured a little girl in order to get there.

These two had meant to much to me years ago, but I ended up leaving them behind since 1) I never gave Aimi a proper design all those years ago, and 2) I fell out of my BNHA hyperfixation. But me and my now ex-friend ended up associating this song with them:

This song is so them, please believe me guys. I swear I’m not insane. Specifically, SPECIFICALLY, this song is from Kai’s perspective

LIKE LOOK AT IT THAT’S SO THEM I’m insane. And tired. God please help me. Someone tell me to go to bed. If anyone read all the way this far and actually cares about my insane ramblings, tell me to go to bed. I’m so tired. But I love Aimi and Kai. I love them so much. They mean so much to me. The fact people have been loving them on here and saying they want more content has reminded me how much these two mean to me. I just needed to scream about them, and maybe someone will care and read all this.

Fun fact, Aimi didn’t used to be an amputee! But she’s always been a mechanic. Like she literally had her own agency at one point (I used to RP with my ex-friend my BNHA OCs, that’s how I got so attached to them). Aimi and Kai also had a kid, but that’s so OOC for Kai, I could never now. It would be so funny if he’s not even asexual, for so many reasons I won’t explain but you guys probably get. He probably is asexual (and he’s probably aromantic as well. I’m not projecting, I swear. Look at that silly man), and also probably very sex repulsed. Now I am projecting, but FUCKING LOOK AT HIM /ref.

Kai and Aimi would kiss on the lips and the lips only. That (autistic) OCD sex-repulsed asexual man would hurl at the thought of tongue being included. Me too, buddy. But also it would probably take a very long time for Kai to get to a point where he’s okay with even kissing on the lips.

Oh my god projecting onto this silly man has somehow helped me mentally disconnect him from my abuser somewhat. Accidental maybe trauma dump time? He looks like my abuser, so that’s mainly why I just abandoned Aimi. Because him looking like my abuser won out over me just loving him because of his character. But me going “yeah he’s autistic. He has OCD. He’s also asexual sex-repulsed, and probably aromantic too but let’s not talk about that” has helped. YAY healing!! It’s funny because my projection here isn’t just me being like “I love you, let me make you like me” my HCs are based on actual source material. I personally don’t fuck with characters being OOC, I like my HCs to be in-character. But that’s just a me thing :3

I need. To shut up now. It’s actually 11pm. But anyway. I’m gonna draw Aimi and Kai soon. Thank you to anyone (if anyone) who read this, reading the insane (not actually. I’m not insane, I’m just autistic and silly and tired) ramblings of me. I’m gonna make a Kaimi playlist because I love them. I’ll probably post it.