#because truth is? i wanted to stay at that job. i just didnt have a support network there

[luciusspriggss]

i am going to acknowledge to everyone witnessing my livebogging my decent into madness right now (sorry if you thought it was going to be over when i woke up)

i relate heavily to ted lasso (scroll down until ted lasso meta begins if you don't want to read my background and perspective)

i was in a relationship with someone who was unhappy with me and didnt like how supportive and optimistic i was (or the fact that i wanted some courtesy of respect instead of being dismissed whenever i try to talk about my feelings)

i thought i was quitting. i thought i had given up. that i had failed so spectacularly at this relationship. and then i watched michelle tell ted that he wasn't quitting, he was letting her go and i believed her

and tried focusing my attention on being a better version of myself that i liked, while also helping those around me to the best of my ability

yeah i went through a fuck ton of therapy (note the breakup was 2 months ago), and i feel i am a better person overall and i actually like myself for the first time EVER in my life

i have lead crews the same exact way ted does richmond. i never read any leadership books, i didnt take my fellow leader's out-dated toxic advice, i just did what i thought was right

which was helping everyone to be the best versions of themselves, as well as lead themselves without me so they don't need me to do anything for them, i just exist and make sure everyone is okay in life and is happy with the crew's dynamic and take suggestions on how to make things better

(dont even get me started on the fact that i BUILT a confession box for EVERYONE, not just my crew, to make suggestions they would like to see happen at the work center and on their own crews)

and everyone did get better. everyone was happier and the work was done better than before, without ever focusing on trying to get "results"

i was lucky to do this because my supervisor actually listened to me, and let me experiment with leading my way instead of the way everyone else was

but me? i was miserable. i was with another person who didnt like my optimism and thought i was naive for thinking my way would work. i had no support network. and i eventually attempted suicide and left that job.

and did everything magically work after i left?

no

the systems and belief i brought to the center died. new leaders were appointed who went back to the standard old ways of leading and everyone followed

MULTIPLE people i was working with individually outside of work, who were having really hard times and i tried to help them with their feelings and appropriate outlets, and were really improving while i was there, were ALL fired. and to note, i convinced multiple supervisors to let me try and help people out instead of punishing them for their circumstances, and it worked!

until i was gone, and they lost the only leader that was in their corner and believed in them

i created an entire new system for the center council. my technical position was "secretary", but i did EVERY job on that council because nobody else would. sure the president would lead the meetings and read my notes and plans aloud to everyone, but that was all he did. i did the actual work

i created such a loving supportive network at the expense of my mental health

and it did not get better when i left, for anyone. it got worse, for everyone

META BEGINS HERE

so yeah, i see myself as ted. i was so hopeful i was going to see something actually succeed where ted got to stay and work on finding his own happiness, that i am utterly unimpressed with the ending.

ted goes back to his kid and (maybe) ex-wife? hollow? alone? trying to think everything will work out magically without him and nobody needs him except his son? maybe he and his wife will try again? with him masked?

ted wore a mask in the beginning, everyone did, but it came off for a little bit and it was nice to see. i don't like this new mask.

and i know from experience. because i did the same thing. i left people because i didnt think they needed me anymore. i stayed in relationships with people who wanted to fit me in a box and i let them.

i lived a honky dory life. leaving destruction in my wake and regressed to someone that was almost impossible for me to escape.

i just don't like seeing that ending for ted and only HIS hopes and dreams about everyone else. i genuinely believe people will succeed without him, i just dont think it will be the same. and that's cool, but wouldnt it also be cool for ted to let loose, reap the rewards, figure out his own happiness? all the while being part of an amazing family?

this show is either brilliant, and making a statement about how this show ISNT a good light-hearted comedy, it is actually a TRAGEDY, and we are supposed to see that ted chose to regress and accept a miserable life

OR

there is something that i am missing :/

[rithmeres]

in my workhating era :/

[charlesswife]

Una Noche En Mónaco ii

Mateo Con Una T (Mateo with one t)

unem masterlist

pairing: charles leclerc x latina! reader

summary: after a one night stand between you and charles, he continues on with his formula one career. until two months later, you come back claiming to be pregnant with his child.

warning: bad writing, charles is a bit of an asshole at first, google translate because i dont speak french, teen pregnancy, english isnt my first language so there might be some grammatical error.

a/n: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU GUYS HAVE SHOWN IN THE FIRST EPISODE! It makes me so happy to know that you guys really liked it. I really have sooooo many ideas and twist for this book, like you guys have no idea, so always expect the unexpected hehehe

Just to clarify y/l/n is your last name. This is your story so I didn't want to give reader a last name.

second A/N: for some reason i can't write chapters on my phone because the letters are black. I have it in dark mode but i didnt have that problem before. does anyone else have that problem?

gif is not mine!

May 2018 

Charles Leclerc was a gentleman. That's how I remember him. The way he took care of me after the several rounds of sex we had. He is definitely the kind of man I don't ever want to forget. He was very sweet and caring. 

But he was only a one-night stand. I don't really know him, as him. The fact that I have to tell him I'm pregnant with his child absolutely terrifies me. I wish my parents were here. If they were, I don't think I would be in this situation. 

Charles sent me the address where he was staying at. As I got closer to the place, I realized it was the same place where I woke up. Is this his apartment? 

Steph left me at the doorstep. I needed her as moral support, just in case things didn't go as planned. 

"Go," Steph said as she hugged me. "I'll be waiting in the car, don't worry. If he does anything, we'll sue him. You have the money for it" 

Money wasn't a problem for me. I just wanted him to be there, I'm scared and I don't want to do this alone. I know Steph is here for me, but it is not her responsibility at all, it is mine and his. 

I took a long breath and rang the bell. Steph went back to the car and after a few minutes, Charles opened the door. 

He had such a bright smile on his face. "Oh, cara mia," he pulled me into his apartment and then close the door. He grabbed my face with both of his hands and try to kiss me but I pushed him slightly by his chess. His thick brows frowned a bit and then he asked, "What's wrong?"

I looked at him in the eyes and said. "We need to talk" 

February 2023 

I walked to my bookstore with Mateo in hand. Steph was the first one to greet us. 

"Auntie!" Mateo let go of my hand and ran to my best friend. 

"Maty!" Steph got down to the level of my kid and hugged him. "Uff, why are you getting so big, huh? How is my favorite godson doing?" 

Mateo laughed. "I'm your only godson, tia" (aunt) 

"How would you know, Alexander Jules?"

"Mommy told me, and Mommy would never lie," he pointed at me. "Verdad, mami?" (right, Mommy?) he looked back at me. 

"Si, mi amor (yes, my love)" I nodded at him. "Stay with your tia (aunt) while I check stuff in the store, okay? And don't forget to pick up a book" I told him, to which he nodded. 

Mateo Alexander Jules Y/l/n is four and one quarter. He likes to remind people of that. He is the most educated boy I know, and I'm not saying that just because I'm his mother, but because it's the truth. I have seen other kids and they are horrible, ungrateful brats. I hate kids. Except for my son. I want to think I did a good job raising him. He looks a lot like Charles. From the eyes' color and shape to the dimples to the hair, to the lips. 

I walked around the store, checking books that needed to be restocked and putting some books back in place. I went to the cafe and got my regular iced coffee. 

I walked around again until I got to my favorite section. Murder & Mysteries. In there, I saw a lady. Probably in her mid-50s. Blonde hair, she was dressed casually. She was looking around at the books. Picking one up, reading the back, and then putting the book back on the shelf. 

"Do you need any help?" I asked her. 

She turned around and looked at me up and down. "Oh, dear. I thought I was alone. You work here?" 

"Something like that," This answer seemed to confuse her. "Is there anything I could help you with?" 

She turned her sight to the books again. "Well, I'm trying to find a good mystery book but none of them catches my eye. I'm looking for something similar to Alexander Y/l/n or Perla Campos. They are my favorite authors" 

I stared at her for a second. What are the odds? I looked back at the bookshelf until I found the book I was looking for. "This one should do."

She looked at the cover and asked "The Seven and 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle?" 

"It's not as near as good as what Alexander Y/l/n and Perla Campos used to write, but if you like their books, I'm sure you'll like this one," I explained as I see her read the back of the book. "Another option would be 'The Secret Inheritance' by Cassandra Matthew." (lmao idk if that book is real) 

I handed her the book and she took it gladly. She read the back and then looked at me. "These are very good suggestions! Thank you, dear. What's your name?" 

"Y/n," I told her. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Pascale" 

August 2018 

Pregnancy wasn't easy. I never thought I would cry so much in the span of 5 minutes just because I ran out of my favorite gelato. 

Today was my fifth visit to the doctor, and I was nervous as hell. I am more bigger than a regular pregnant woman, it has me fearing for my baby's life or even mine. 

"Okay, Y/n. You know the drill. Lay down, and lift your shirt up. As always the gel is cold" Dr. Williams said. She is always so gentle with me. Maybe she pities me. 

"I have concerns," I told her. She looked at me as she was putting on the gel. "My belly looks bigger than normal, is that okay?"

"It depends, in most cases, yes. It means the baby is healthy. But let's take a look" She moved her sight to the machine. The image of my baby appears immediately in the sonogram. She moved the transducer to another spot on my belly and I could see her eyes widen a bit. She was going on up and down in the same area. "I think I have a better answer to your question." She looked at me and said, "You're having twins" 

February 2023 

"Mami, can I read Nancy Drew?" Mateo came running to me as he showed me the first book in the series. 

I looked at the book and say "I don't think so, love. It might be too much for you. This is for bigger kids" 

"But I am a big kid!" The old lady, Pascale, laughed. 

"This is your son?" she asked.

I nodded with a smile. Mateo looked at Pascale and stayed quiet. He knew it was rude to interrupt conversations. He got behind me, hiding.

Pascale tilted her head for a moment, narrowed her eyes a bit, and murmured "He kind of looks like... never mind. What's your name, little boy?" 

He looked at me for a second. "Answer her, baby. It's rude to not answer to elders" I told him.

"I'm Mateo with one T" he lifted one finger.

This made Pascale laugh again. "Nice to meet you, Mateo with one T" 

"Why don't you take the book to Tia and tell her I say to check it out" Mateo nodded and ran towards the register, he stopped for a second and came back walking. 

"Goodbye," He said to Pascale while giving her a little waving and then walking back to the register. 

"He looks like a bundle of joy," Pascale said as she sees Mateo walk away. 

"He is," I agreed. "Is there anything else I can help with?" 

"No, that's all. Thank you for the help. I'm ready to check out." 

We walked to the register and started the process to check her out. I did the usual routine. I asked if she had an account with us, which she didn't, but she decided to get one. 

"Okay, Pascale. What's your last name?"

"You can just put an L," I did as she told me. As I was checking out her books, she said "This is such a pretty bookstore. I have never been here before." 

"Thank you," I said. 

"She's the owner," Steph spoke as she was playing hands with my son, who shushed her for butting in the conversation. 

Pascale looked at me with wide eyes. I laughed at her reaction. She inserted her card and paid. I put her books in a bag and grabbed one of the coupons. "Here is a ten-percent coupon to use on your next visit!" 

"I will definitely come back. I need to tell you if I like the books or not." 

"Oh boy," I laughed.

"I might even bring one of my sons with me" Oh boy... This isn't the first time a mother has try to set me up with their kids. 

"Please do!" Steph yelled. Mateo put his small hands in her mouth and murmured a small 'no tia, don't talk'. 

"See you next time, Pascale" 

"Bye Y/n," She walked to the entrance as she passed my boy, she turned and say "Goodbye, Mateo with one T" 

"Bye-bye." 

After she left the store, Steph turned to me. "She didn't say goodbye to me. How rude?" 

"Jesus Christ, Steph. Why would you tell her that?" I elongated the a in 'that'. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I know I left you guys with open scenes between the first and third scenes but everything is for a reason!!! I might do Charles POV on the next one!!! Trust the process guys, things are going to get sooo good.

If you guys don't know (just in case) Pascale is Charles' mother.

Please let me know what you think of it. I would really appreciate any type of comment, whether is your opinion or just anything! It would def motivate me to keep going. I would really appreciate if you guys like and repost as well! So other people can be aware of this story.

@mac-daddy-210 @infinite-wanders @rbrsavage @itsyogurlkel @bbygrlllllll  @nerdreader @imnotcryingyouare1 @killerangel88 @obx-mylove-things-blog @triorion @daniellarogers @insssanemind @bosinclairsgf @rb-danny @shyshva @booksobsess @ogfangirl @ravenqueen27 @masonspulisic @yunnie-f1 @simxican @ushygushybaby @graceverstappen11 @maximoff-xmen @severenswife @ferraribabe @pjofics @harrysdimple05 @mloyer @teti-menchon0604 @imagineadream @reidsworld @heavengirls111 @scentedskydreamer @christianpulisic10 @formulas-bitch @topguncultleader @hc-dutch @moonclaine @miureiz @tall-tanned-tattoo @madisontaxarn @bisexualbith  

For some reason, it's not letting me tag some of you so people make sure your tag is correct. I want everyone to get the notification and this is beyond me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my hairdresser the truth?

So I've (25f) been going to the same Hairdresser (27F) for over 7 years. Shes amazing and I love her. I have a guy friend D (31M) who used to go to the same salon i did, but ended up leaving and going where his mom did. About 5 years ago I encouraged him to try her service and he did and has been loyal since

I had a falling out with him over a few issues, mostly personal (such as him calling me names as "jokes", him getting drunk and telling our friends we were celebrating his birthday with that I was a whore, etc). He claims he was drunk the one time and everything else was him joking and I needed to lighten up. I almost agreed, he is very good at talking, and then he came out that he was dating a girl. Who was still in high school.

I dont typically have an issue with age gaps when someone is of a certain maturity, but I knew the girl and she was very immature (never having had a relationship, didn't know what career she wanted, etc). He has everything figured out for himself and has bought a house and lived in it, he just wants a wife.

Well they surprised everyone and got married prior to the original date they had set. Which brings up the Hairdresser because he went to her the day before to get his hair done and mentioned he was getting married the next day.

She was shocked. She asked me my honest opinion and I told her it. I said we don't talk much anymore, I wasnt invited (they had about 15 people invited) even though the rest of my siblings were (one was working and couldn't go the other went as D was best man in his wedding). I also told her I am concerned that they have only been together less then a year and she's just now 18 (which I didnt know prior). I felt concerned because he is encouraging her to quit her job and stay home to cook and clean. I had previously expressed my concerns to the girl which D obviously didn't like and he called me drunk yelling at me one night.

The hairdresser was shocked again and didn't realize how young the girl was. She said she felt uncomfortable with a few things he had said and done during the last session but she wanted to make sure she wasn't overreacting (j dont know exactly what was said and done). She mentioned she probably won't have him back as a client.

I told my siblings at our monthly dinner, and the one who had him as best man actually was the one who didn't care and said it was my opinion. My sister told me I shouldn't have said anything and was smearing his reputation and pointed out that one of the reasons I was mad at D was because he had been going around to our mutual friends (including some mutual friends' parents) and had talked bad about me (alluding to me having a drinking problem and sleeping around, when I hadn't drank for over 6 months at the time he did this and im a virgin lmao- not like im going to correct his thinking on if I am a virgin, because it isnt any of his business, but I have no clue why he thinks I'm not).

So AITA for telling my hairdresser the truth and potentially getting her to remove him as a client?

What are these acronyms?

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Always You

Quinn Hughes x reader

** I had a bunch of ideas for this but didnt want it to be too long. Enjoy:) **

-> gif from Pinterest

You and Quinn had been close friends since childhood, with his family moving a street over from yours in Toronto. Being in the grade between Jack & Quinn, you ended up around them lots, walking to school together & playing outside whenever the boys weren’t playing hockey.

Hell, Jack was your first kiss during a party when you were 13, egged up by your mutual friends and a game of truth or dare. But it was always Quinn.

From as early as you can remember, you’d crushed on the older boy. There was something about him that had always drawn you to him. Brushing it off as nothing more than a childhood crush, you didn’t do anything, until it was too late. One day you’re chilling in their basement, trying to figure out how to tell one of your best friends that you really like him, next thing you know, Quinn’s telling you he’s going to Michigan for the National Development program for the next two years.

It was tough seeing him go, and you cried hard when you said goodbye, but keeping in touch wasn’t a problem. You still had Jack and Luke who were basically your brothers by that point, & Quinn came back to Toronto when he had breaks, the few that there were. After your 16th birthday rolled around the March after he left, and you got your licence, you took your shitty, beat up old car (and Jack) and made the trip down to surprise Quinn one weekend.

Two years flew by, & despite his hectic schedule and all his new friends and experiences, your friendship stayed strong and you talked almost every day. You even went to his prom with him, where some prodding from Brady led him to tell you that he was in love with you. A long conversation later, he finally kissed you and asked if you would be his girlfriend.

The two of you knew it would be hard, with him heading to Michigan in the fall and then on to the NHL while you still had another year of high school and then University. But you were determined to make it work. and honestly, nothing much changed. You already talked everyday & hung out when he was back in Toronto, dating just meant that the two of you snuck off more to spend time without Jack or Luke, and you made a trip out to the lake house that summer.

That summer brought another bittersweet goodbye, as the Hughes family made the move down to Michigan when Jack started in the program. On one hand, you were losing your second family, on the other now you would always have someone to stay with if you wanted to visit Quinn. And visit you did.

Your grade 12 year was hard academically, but you worked your butt off to be able to have one weekend a month where you would hop in your car & jam out for a few hours while making the drive down to see Quinn. Your family had moved closer to London because of your Dads new job, so your drive was only 3 hours instead of the 5ish from Toronto. Your parents didnt love you driving cross border, but they were glad that Ellen & Jim were around when you were there.

The visits were timed for home game weekends and you finished classes at noon, so you’d drive down Friday afternoon & be there when jack & the boys got out of school so you could hang out with them for a bit, drive in to Ann Arbour to watch the game & then spend the rest of your evening with Quinn in his dorm. Friday nights weren’t too crazy because the boys had another game Saturday.

Saturdays were spent catching up with the rest of the Hughes and exploring with Quinn before another game and parties afterwards. Sundays brought goodbyes and promises of see you soon before you’d head home in the afternoon. It was difficult but you wouldn’t change it for anything.

At the same time, you were applying to universities & waiting anxiously to hear back. You applied all over the country, but your heart was set on one. UBC had been your dream school for as long as you could remember. It was where your parents studied, where they fell in love, and had some of the best programs in the world. You had worked your ass off for the last three years to be able to apply early decision to their Commerce program, and if you get in, there’s was no question of where you were going.

Quinn was declaring for the draft that year, which brought more concern from friends and family. “What will you do if he ends up…” was a phrase you heard often over the course of the year, but your response was always “we’ll figure it out” because you knew you would.

The weekend you visited in January (2018) you finally had that conversation with Quinn. After his game Friday, you were in his room when you got the notification. UBC release early application decision. Terrified, you couldn’t bring yourself to check. As much as you wanted it you were afraid of what moving clear across the country would do for you & Quinn. You told him your fears, that the distance, time difference & uncertainty of where he’d be after he joined the league, coupled with you being there for four years would be too hard for the two of you.

“I’d wait my whole life for you if I had to” he told you and you believed him without a shadow of a doubt because you’d do the same. His reassurances made you feel better, and you opened the portal. Accepted. All those years of working had paid off, and you cried. You & Quinn would figure things out, but you were headed to your dream school and he was headed for his dream.

Within a week you had solidified your decision and were bound for Vancouver come September.

That June, you accompany him to Dallas for the draft. As things get underway you sit there, squeezing his hand. The first few picks happen and you can’t help but be relieved that he’s not headed clear across the country. He’s projected to go top ten so when Vancouver come to pick seventh, you hold your breath. Surely you wouldn’t be that lucky.

Quinn Hughes.

You don’t think you’ll ever forget the feeling that hearing his name called by the Canucks brought. He wraps you in a hug & whispers in your ear “told you it’d all work out” before hugging his brother & parents & heading down to the stage. You’re so proud of him, but more than that you’re excited for what the future holds, especially with the two of you in the same city. There’s always the possibility of him being traded before he ever get to Vancouver, but you’re hopeful.

Two weeks later you’re officially a high school graduate & it’s time for summer. You split your time between your home in London & visiting the Hughes lake house, spending as much time with all your friends and family as you can before heading off to Vancouver. Quinn heads back to Michigan for his sophomore year & you head west.

That year was hard, really hard. Being away from your family for the first time, you and Quinn struggling to find time to talk to each other and the time difference meaning accidental calls in the middle of the night, all balanced with your classes and trying to get involved on campus, late nights in the library, pressure from your new friends to go out with them, missing everyone and an overwhelming amount of assignments leads you to a breakdown first semester.

It hurts Quinn that he can’t be there to hold you as you sob on the phone, but the five hour flight between Detroit & Vancouver is just too much. He knows that your relationship is putting extra strain on you, but he can’t even fathom breaking up or taking a break because that would break him. Slowly you’re able to sort your head out, and as your first semester draws to a close you’re doing much better and have a handle on things.

Excited to see your family and Quinn, you jump on the first flight you can after finishing your finals, bound for Toronto. You were heading home to London and Quinn planned on coming up for a bit since he saw his family pretty often, but then he was chosen for the World Juniors squad. Thankfully it was in Buffalo, so you celebrate christmas, and on the 26th make the drive down. Youre able to spend a week there, cheering Quinn on & hanging out with Ellen & Luke.

It’s during this week that Quinn tells you that he’s signing with the Canucks at the end of the Michigan season.

You needed the break & went into your second semester feeling strong and more confident in your ability to manage everything. Winter in Vancouver is fairly mild and soon enough, Reading Week arrives in February. Many of your friends are heading south for a bit of sun, but you head to Detroit. Michigan have back to back home weekends and Jack’ll be around too.

During the week you spend time with Quinn, working on assignments while he’s in class & just enjoying time together, also visiting the Hughes household and hanging out with Jack & his friends there. Sunday you fly back to Vancouver, ready to finish out your semester.

A few weeks later you get the call. It’s official, Quinn’s coming to Vancouver. You borrow a friends car & are waiting for him at the airport. You’d think it’d been months if you’d seen your reunion in the arrivals area of the airport, not mere weeks.

Quinns thrown right into the Canucks and the adjustment to the pros is hard, but knowing you’re only 20 minutes away makes it easier for him. You spend as much time together as you can, with you acting as tour guide & showing him around your favourite spots in the city.

Your friends don’t understand how you don’t miss him too much when the team goes on road trips, but two years into your relationship & you’re finally in the same city for an extended period of time & can see him mostly whenever you want so a week or two apart doesn’t phase you.

You get close to the team, always Quinns date to functions & occasionally spotted around the arena. Petey becomes a good friends of yours since he’s rooming with Quinn & you spend enough time in their apartment.

Many of the fans & people online come to know you as “Quinn’s girl”. Any home game you’re right behind the bench, cheering your heart out for the Canucks and chirping the opposing team (especially if its Ottawa. Brady & Josh hate playing in Vancouver because of you.) Once Jack gets to the NHL ooh boy. That man knows no peace when the Devils play Vancouver. It’s one of the only away games you ever go to (if they play in Jersey) mainly because you get to see the rest of the fam.

I mean you grew up in Toronto & around these boys. You couldn’t not take an interest in hockey. At that point you know someone on every team through Quinn & spend your time terrorizing them when they’re at Rogers. The fans absolutely love it though. Hell, half of your friends are hockey fans now, forced to watch games when the Canucks are away or Jack and Luke play.

The two of you spend summers back east, between working, visiting family & days at the lake. You’re able to get internships that are remote so you could still work on your career plans but enjoy your summers , and by the end of your third summer you have a job offer from a firm in Vancouver. Fourth year brings lots of fun & final memories with your college friends before you all split off to different parts of the country.

The end of Quinns third year in the league comes at the same time as your graduation. His family & yours come out and Quinn drags a bunch of the team with him too. When your name gets called out, that section is by far the loudest of the day.

Your friends are convinced that he’s going to propose that weekend. In fact, many of them are surprised that you aren’t already engaged, you’ve been together for 5 years at this point, but both of you are still young. You have had the conversation, but you know that you’re going to be together forever so the timeline isn’t that important.

What he does ask you that weekend, is to move in with him. You’ve spent the last 3 years living with your friends close to campus while Quinn’s been living downtown near the arena. It’s an obvious yes, especially since you spend almost every night there when he’s home anyway. You spend the week with your families and move into a new apartment, excited for what’s coming next.

Living together isn’t seamless, but you & Quinn make it work. The beginning is difficult, not having your own space but soon you fit into each others lives easily. You work during the week & go to games if they’re at home, you spend time exploring new areas around the city & nearby & you fall more in love with Quinn every day.

He brings you coffee in bed each morning because he’s up for workouts, date nights at home cooking dinner and lots of fun over the summers with family & friends. Winter trips to the mountains when you can and fall in the city, you usually separate in the heart of summer since you can’t take that long off & he’ll head to Michigan but it doesn’t phase you.

Which brings you to today. It’s late April & its been two years since you moved in together. Quinns killing it for the Canucks, breaking records & their season has just ended, you’ve just been promoted and life is going well.

The city is coming more alive as winter’s on its way out, you're getting ready to take a few weeks break & head east to see both of your families. Luke has made his NHL debut & the Devils have made the playoffs so you’re going to cheer your boys on.

You’re making dinner when you hear the front door open & Quinn comes through the door after final team meetings for this season.

“Hey babe” he comes up behind you and gives you a kiss before heading into your bedroom to shower & change. You pour another glass of wine as you stir the pot, your go to playlist on with a mix of soft pop, indie and chill country coming through the speaker. Ten minutes later Quinn comes back out & you hold up a spoon for him to taste the sauce.

“Few more minutes” you say as he tastes it & he nods. “Delicious”

The two of you stand there at the stove, his arms around your waist as he sings along with the music softly & you sway. A few minutes later, the song Never seen anything quite like you starts & Quinn reaches over & turns off the stove.

He pulls you towards your living room and you laugh as he pulls you into a high school style dance where you just sway & shuffle in a circle.

The song plays in the the background as you stare up into Quinns eyes and he sings along, more grateful than ever that you found him. The love you have for this man knows no bounds and he’s still giving you butterflies & making you feel giddy with just a look after seven years.

He sings along with the song and you feel every word in your soul.

I think I want you more than want

I know I need you more than need

I want to hold you more than hold

When you stood in front of me

I think you know me more than know

And you see me more than see

I could die now more than die

Every time you look at me

Well I've seen you in jeans with no make-up on

And I've stood there in awe as your date for the prom

But then he switches it up

“I’d be blessed as a man to see you in white”

Wait what?

he pulls away and sinks to one knee in front of you, and your hand comes up to your mouth. Reaching into his pocket, he takes out a gorgeous simple ring

“When I first came to Vancouver, everyone kept asking what my first big purchase was going to be. The day I signed my contract I bought this. I’ve known since I was 16 that I was in love with you. That love has only continued to grow & I want nothing more than to spend every day for the rest of my life loving you. You’re my light in the dark, the one I look for in a crowd, the only person I always want around. It’s always been you.

It’s a privilege to call you mine, but it would be an honour to call you my wife. So y/n my love, will you marry me?”

You hiccup out a yes, tears streaming down your face & you sink to your knees beside him

“I love you so much” you pull him into a kiss. He slips the ring onto your finger & pulls you to him, pressing kiss after kiss to your face. You giggle & say

“A thousand times yes, in every universe”

Xxx

Note: if you were wondering the actual lyrics are

"I'm blessed as a man to have seen you in white But I've never seen anything quite like you tonight"

[glitzreyasblog]

so i was manifesting for my mid term grades to chnage and i had already got them ( it was a 60) and i wanted a 90 so i affirmed for it for a lot of time and i believe i did it right and also loved in the end and i dis this for such a long time like 2 weeks before today and for 1 week i affirmed like a ton ( but i didnt affirm too much on the 2 week cuz it was a busy week) anyways and i still dont have my desire and 0 movement( except seeing a lot of angel numbers) 🥲up until now i was so happy and sure my desire is mine but not its just not coming yk cuz i had been affirming quite a lot even before the 2 weeks now idk what to do please help me out. I was affirming for my mid term grade to change and now my periodic tests are coming and im not able to study properly please help😭🙏🏻

so I don’t know much except that you’ve been affirming so here is what I think based on the info you gave me

it looks like you’re doing your methods to get something in the 3d. I think the issue might be that you’re identifying with the outer man instead of the inner man and you’re accepting whatever the 3d tells you as the truth.

if you’re affirming for the 3d to change, then sorry to break it to you but that’s never going to work. you need to cut that out now. you can’t and shouldn’t do anything in hopes of changing the 3d. It’s not your job to change the 3d. Your only focus should be to change self. the 3d is not separate from you, it can’t create on its own. all it can do is reflect you.

It also seems like you’re being double minded. you say you were sure that you had it but then say it’s not coming. which, again, brings me to the point that you shouldn’t let the 3d determine anything. how do you know it’s not here? because that’s what the 3d shows? don’t let the 3d decide anything, don’t take what the 3d shows as the truth.

here’s what I think you should do:

- learn about changing self not changing the 3d, realize all there is to change is self (and pls learn from the source)

- find out what fulfills you: what makes you feel absolutely certain that you have what you want? what puts you in the sowf? is it visualization? is it affirming? find what makes you feel fulfilled regardless of the 3d

- take the 3d off the pedestal: don’t accept what the 3d says as the final word. learn the importance of imagination. don’t depend on movement

- persist: persisting doesn’t mean affirming 24/7 and flipping every thought. it’s staying faithful to your assumption regardless of your circumstances

[babbling-idiot]

Okay, I'm from earlier, I said that i didnt know what i wanted, BUT i figured it out, colin gray (still :3) He draws you nude :) Like in the scene from titanic, but like like, better :) you can ignore, have a lovely day/night!

He had actually asked to draw you before

Not nude but just a regular photo of your face and he did an absolute amazing job

He's done loads of drawing of you doing all types of stuff

Like sitting at your desk, reading a book, sitting at the picnic table at school and even flipping him off of course only because he asked you to

So, when he asked if he could draw you immediately said yes

But you could see the hesitation in his eyes

So, you asked him what the problem was he just looked away shyly

So, he very quietly said what he wanted, of course, you couldn't hear him at all, and realized this

So, he swallowed his fear, looking down and said

"I want to draw you nude."

And he just held his pencil and drawing book, tightly, you feared he might actually rip the paper

Smiling at him you asked where and he almost had whiplash with how fast he looked back at you

He pointed at the bed and told you the pose he wanted you to take and you happily got into position

He pulled a chair up from his desk and flipped to the first page

Of course, he bought a brand-new book just for this

Good thing his parents were on a vacation right now

He began to sketch out your outline

At first, he was going almost fast in his sketches, but at some point he slowed down relatively slow and when you looked at him he was looking from your chest to the paper back and forth till he was able to move to the next part

Funnily enough, you were able to stay still, and in moment like this, the person in your position was supposed to be the nervous one, not the drawer

But there he was moving around in his chair and pressing the book down into his lap harder and harder

It was obviously bothering him in the best way possible

About an hour or so has gone by and truth be told, he's having a very hard time focusing on the drawing

He wishes he could just focus and, on the drawing, and let your get warmed up for sitting so long in his slightly coldish room

But oh, how he wishes he hadn't thought of that

How cold you must be laying on his bed and how he could easily discard the drawing and lay next to you, help warm you up

But he needs to finish the drawing

Hell, he could do the drawing later, you're practically burned into his brain at this point, he could easily draw from memory at this point

But he can't, so he continues that is until you speak

"You know, I'd be happy to pose again later, if you'd like to climb into bed with me?"

He sighs and drops the pencil and pen to the floor, he begins to get undressed

This was going to be a long night ahead

(I hope you liked this! Have an amazing day/night!)

[suffarustuffaru]

otto, doing something with good intentions: are you sure you want me in your life. i bring a lot of trouble you know. and i helped you just for my own benefit. this money isnt mine by the way. so like im gonna give it to you. just out of pity or whatever. no its not my money haha why would it be my money. also we didnt like Murder those people haha why would we do that? they fell off on accident <3 dont worry i lied to the authorities for your sake - i mean. they. um. i told them the truth about what happened hahah. also did i mention already that youre better off without me in your life. and im gonna leave the moment theres danger. just so you know. so like dont be surprised if i leave you. also im not gonna tell you why im doing any of this for you. the reason why is so boring anyway. its not like i care or anything. idiot. but also maaaaybe im kind of the worst person ever oopsies 🫢 and can you stop putting yourself in danger. its.................................. a lot of work for me and totally not concerning me at all. ugh why am i still stuck in this goddamn job. yeah i know i couldve left like a year ago, im staying here because. because. um. well im too USEFUL now the entire place would fall apart without me. who else is gonna do your paperwork huh?? i do it way better than all of you because all of you SUCK ASS at everything around here. no its not like i Care that much. like yeah youre my friends but i already warned you ages ago about the consequences of keeping me around so you deserve me complaining to you actually.

otto, doing something bad: i LITERALLY mean well okay :<<<< this is FOR YOUR OWN GOOD why arent you thanking me on the spot and listening to my advice already. ive never been wrong about anything EVER in my whole life. you should be bowing down to me and kissing my little forehead and telling me im right BECAUSE I AM. im the BEST PERSON EVER right now. i LITERALLY deserve so much better than this. im going to save all of your asses and then youre going to come fucking crawling back to me the moment you need me again, i guarantee it <3 im Extremely useful and youd miss me the moment im gone. right? right. right. im right, right? please notice me and listen to my extremely good advice 🥺 why are you saying its bad advice??? cmonnn stop ignoring me :((( just because im lying to you, keeping secrets from you, manipulating you, hoping everyone else dies for your sake, repeatedly trying to abandon millions of people, etc etc DOESNT MEAN that im wrong and ive Never been wrong. Ever. .......yeah a bunch of people are gonna die, so what? have they tried like, not standing in the way of my goals? 🥺

[docwritesshit]

The Burden of the Sun

Blurb: Macaque confronts Wukong on his mis communications and Wukong finally snaps

Word count: 1k

Genre: Angst

Authors note: Hehehehehe, this was fun to write

Pairing: Shadowpeach

The cool darkness around him was no new feeling. It was a comfort at a time, back when he felt the warmth it could have at the end of it. A warmth only he knew. His own special light, one created from the shadows he made.

Now the warmth was gone, in its’ place only the shadows that grew and grew over the years. The shapes he left behind centuries ago. Ones that turned from blankets of familiarity to chains of memories, of guilt. That he regrets to admit is still the most comforting feeling, even now as he falls through this darkness.

He landed on his side, hissing as the pebbles one the ground dug into his skin.

“OH, don’t give me that shit. Up.” Macaque snarled. Wukong rolled over, sitting up. Macaque scoffed, squat down and grabbed Wukong collar.

“Well?” He prompted. Wukong noted how his breath smelled like mint, unlike the regular mango smell.

“”Well what?”

Macaque sneered, dragging Wukong up by his collar.

“I’M TRIED OF THIS SHITTY ‘I don’t know’ ACT YOU PULL!” Macaque tossed the Money King back down on the ground.

“I’VE BEEN DOING THE GOOD BOY THING FOR MONTHS NOW, I HELPED YOU WITH AZURE LION, I SAVED YOUR ASS FROM THE SCROLL. AND ALL I GET IS THE COLD SHOULDER????” Macaque exclaimed. He picked Wukong back up from the ground, pulling him closer to his face.

“I didnt lie about Lady Bone Demon.”

“I didn’t hide that dragon girl was the vessel of the fourth ring.”

“I didn’t run off to fight that bitch myself and get corrupted.”

I didn’t abandon everything I knew just in some misguided belief that would fix everything!”

“You did! All you do is lie and cross others. And you don’t even care.” Macaque scoffed, shaking his head.

“Even now you lie. I can see your glamor.”

Wukong bristled at that comment, but said nothing. Macaque huffed, and shook Sun Wukong collar.

“Well? Are you still putting up that act? Be the coward that you tired to change from?” Macaque prodded, his face contouring in disdain. Wukong s eyes trailed down to witness the state of his former companion, white patched and scars marring his body.

Wukong exhaled through his nose.

“Did you realize that the reason Lady Bone Demon was back because you couldn’t finish the job last time?” He asked.

“What?” Macaque snarled.

Wukong raised his hand, placing over his shadows hand.

“Did you think that others wouldn’t belive you and trust you if you said that they were going to be ok after such a overwhelming power enters them? Or would you stay quiet as you plan to make sure they wouldn’t have to go through that.”

The grip was too strong.

“Did you consider that everyone is depending on you, so you had to be the one to finish the job and clean up the mess you made?”

Why is the pain back, im not doing anything, I didnt do anything.

“Did you ever think that people were better off without you in their life until you better yourself?”

Please I’m sorry I’m sorry-

“And did you stop to consider if I told the truth, people would crosss me? Make life harder for themselves? Because I did, I cared so damn MUCH I grew to become an idol for others, make others look up to me when all I wanted was to shrink away.” Wukong broke the grip macaque had one him, pinching his forehead.

I wont do it again I wont do it again please let me go.

“I HAD TO DO EVERYTHING! ALL THE FIGHTING, ALL THE PLANNING, EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE WAS SAFE!” He yelled, felling his head get tighter and tighter.

“Wukong…” The silent mumble from Macque lips snapped Wukong back to the cliff he was on, back to the grass instead of the rocky paths of the mountains.

“Your eyes.. Your head…” Macque observed. Wukong froze, raising his hand up. His callouses were visible.

I’m sorry I’m sorry

“Wukong look at me. Can you please look at me?” He pleaded, Wukong cracked his eye open, seeing Macaque holding his face gently. Wukong opened both of his eyes.

“I had to do everything. I was their powerhouse, the Great Monkey King. And what did I get whenever I tried to plea with them? Try and warn them of incoming dangers? When I tried to be a good monk and avoid disaster? A lecture and a torturous headache, that’s what.”

“I was nothing more than a guard dog with a short leash.”

Macaque’s gaze softened. He traced his fingers over the scar left behind by the circlet, trailing down to the blood red eyes of the Monkey King, Great Sage Equal to Heaven.

“I tried so hard to be a hero when all they saw was an a animal needing taming.” Wukong whispered.

“And now, I’m a king with no greatness being thrown around someone who truly cared for me.” Wukong pushed Macque away, walking toward the edge of the cliff.

“Thank you for the memories, and the companionship. Truly.” He took tha last step.

Macaque rushed over to the edge of the cliff and witnessed as Wukong flew away on his nimbus cloud. Macaque growled, falling to his knees and pounding the ground beneath him with his fists.

The blood came soon after, trclaiking down his clawed fingers. The white patched fur stained pink as his invisible barrier fell. His multi colored ears pointed downwards, his scarred eye producing tears.

On the cloud, Wukong let tears fall, bringing his glamour come back up as he flew toward the horizon. Towards the setting sun. Toward his bungalow hidden by forest, where all his monkey friends were. Where his cold lights were on. Away from the might warrior that was still mighty while he turned tail like the coward he was called.

The hero’s light turning dimmer and dimmer, with the warrior still in his shaodws.

[poppyandzena]

Honestly, how dare they use their familiarity with therapy terms to abuse other people. Theyll say it isnt abuse, but they know it is.

To stay anonymous in fear of her going absolutely nuclear on me as well, all Ill say is I have experience and work in the same field as her. If shes going to pull out her "Im a therapist" card to act as if she knows better than all of us, then let it be known someone who works in the same field finds her behavior abhorant and I suspect she KNOWS it. Ive heard her speak, she is extremely smart, and I believe she knows exactly what she has done.

All of her texts to Noeh/Max are fishing for an "I love you" response when she clearly told Poppy no. She told you no Poppy. You know that. You just couldnt handle it.

I understand that abandonment melange can feel incredibly, incredibly painful. I have been in a similar situation as you Poppy. I know it sucks when the person you are unhealthily infatuated with doesnt love you. Your limerance for Noeh was painful as fuck, I know as much. That pain is coming from your own limerance, not Noeh. Your heart was so set on a relationship that never existed no matter how much you tried to force it. I've had issues with limerance myself, I know that it can feel like life or death and can make you want to do anything to just make the relationship fantasy you want a reality.

And you and I BOTH KNOW that STILL DOES NOT give you the right to do all of these awful things youve done. It was your job to work on yourself and step back and give Noeh the space she asked for. It was your job to reregulate yourself. It was your job to use techniques to stop catastrophizing.

So much damage has been done so far, especially to yourself by yourself at this point. Your peers have disassociated with you and you lost your job because of actions such as implying you would kill yourself if Noeh didnt love you in the way you thought you needed. Any therapist knows how manipulative that action is. You know. I know because you tried to mask it behind obfuscating therapy talk. I know you know this.

Even throughout all of this, and even though I condemn your actions, I still have sympathy for you in that it is obvious you are in an incredible amount of pain. If you want to heal you need to do the right thing and face your own limerance issues. Not being employed right now could be a blessing in disguise as it gives you time to step back and really work on yourself. I think if you take a break from this you will look back and see how many of your friends and peers who have disassociated with you were trying to help you by showing you your self destructive behaviors.

Its time to face the music. If it helps, Ive had infatuation with several unavailable people and the pain and negative behaviors only truely started to heal once I looked inward and faced a truth I was afraid of facing. That it was me. Once you do its not as painful as your brain would have you to believe.

A beautiful and insightful response. I always love when professionals put in their two cents here. You can feel the experience and knowledge simply through the prose. I've talked to mental health professionals as well and they were baffled Poppy was allowed to practice for so long. I will say Poppy was extremely lucky in her career based on the company she kept, but even that wasn't enough to prevent her behavior from causing consequences.

I've said this a few times. I wouldn't care if Poppy was a barista, or a janitor, or a marketing exec, or a rocket scientist. Those careers don't give you access to vulnerable individuals whom you are responsible for keeping alive. If you treat your child, your partner, your friends the way Poppy treats hers and you are a therapist? You are an unsafe practitioner. Full stop.

[nabbit-unmasked]

TW for venting, autistic overstimulation, and species dysphoria.

Hey fellow neurodivergent writers,

Am I the only one who takes a lot more time to write for assignments compared to neurotypicals?

Writing by myself about things I'm passionate about, such as this post, don't take as much time and effort to do. I can easily flow through it and get 10-15 paragraphs in.

However, it's the complete opposite for writing assignments. Things forced onto you by others.

It's not like theres a neatly organized worksheet with a step-by-step process and clear directions given to you. You're all on your own to do everything, and I hate that.

It takes an insane amount of energy, time, and motivation for me to finish even one paragraph. If I'm writing fiction, I need time to think about what's happening now, what's coming next, and how the character is perceiving it. I need to think about voice, word choice, grammar, paragraph length, and how the reader is perceiving all of this. I'm trying to be 3 different people at once while simultaneously trying to make a good story.

It's a lot to process as is, but the writing process for just 3 pages takes days/weeks for me to complete, and sessions can take hours because I need extra time to process what's going on in my writing.

Even still, papers and due dates stack up. I have to repeat this whole process 3 or 4 times per workload. I'm constantly overworking my brain to get them done within a week so I don't disappoint my teachers and experience crushing guilt.

And then, on top of that, due date stack-ups STACK UP TOO.

And that's just for fiction. (Well, the due dates arent just fiction)

Nonfiction demands that you are accurate and 100% truthful. Reports demand a certian format. They demand extra citing for each and every single one of those sentences that took me 15 minutes to complete and move on from.

Neurotypical teachers even make it clear that they're aware due dates are stacking up, and this will determine "who's ready to prove they can do more and who's not," which given my previous points, is debatable ableist.

Neurotypical students seem to just write and write and get paragraphs of work done within 30 minutes. They don't deal with this haze of overstimulation and are able to get whole pages out in one block. Writing half of that takes me a whole block, and in Times New Roman 12pt font, I can get a fourth of a page done in a block.

I came to an arts school because I needed a safe place to be. I got in because I was good at writing. Now, I just want to leave the writing department. This is all too much and no one around me seems to understand that.

It makes me want to stop being human even more. Humans think this is the answer to everything, this is how you get education to get jobs to get money to get a house and food and to survive. You have to do it, theres no other way. Work for mankind so you can survive it. Stay in your lane. Don't do anything you aren't supposed to.

Then I look outside at the birds. They're free, their species didnt chose to make everyone do work, they can fly wherever they want and they're never wrong for being in space. Why can't we be more like birds? (And to bird therians/kins out there, I wish we could all be free like we're meant to be.)

[thedisablednaturalist]

All the stress has triggered a flare up so I stayed home to work on a report for my job at home and I slept in because flare ups make it really hard to wake up and my mom comes bursting into my room screaming at me listing all the things that I KNOW I NEED TO DO AND HAVE BEEN WORKING ON and have been stressing me out like "you haven't done any work, you haven't done anything about your health insurance, you haven't done anything about getting a storage unit, you haven't looked for another job" which except for the storage unit (which i worked on getting ready for last week) I literally worked on yesterday. I spent over an hour at the government center trying to figure out my medicaid shit. I did a whole nother job application yesterday AND helped my bf with his. Oh? And my bf? My mom said "he's not allowed to come by during the week anymore" HE WAS HERE TO HELP ME GET TO THE GOVERNMENT CENTER! IF HE DIDNT COME WITH ME I DONT THINK I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GO BY MYSELF. Because the stress causes me to flare up which started yesterday and I cried 10 separate times due to frustration, worry, and stress yesterday and was fighting the flare up and spiraling while trying to get this stuff ironed out. So yeah I needed my bf who knows im disabled and knows how hard im trying to help me. Because none of my ACTUAL FAMILY MEMBERS would. Because even my most accepting ones think I'm faking deep down. And my mom isn't accepting.

I tried to tell her to please stop yelling because it makes my flare up worse but she just yelled louder and said "you just don't want to hear the truth" and bitch I KNOW the truth I beat myself up over not being able to do things as fast or as well as I want to. And thats why im so stressed. And she just wouldn't stop so I raised my voice and she said "DON'T YELL AT ME" like YOU came and yelled at me and I calmly said please stop and you wouldn't.

She doesn't fucking understand. I had two migraines yesterday because of stress. I cannot handle too much stress. I have to do things in small chunks or I get overwhelmed and stressed and spiral. And my body PHYSICALLY can't handle that due to my illnesses. I'm not being lazy or avoiding the issue. Im trying to remain calm so my body doesn't fuck me over.

Well guess who's pain level rose by 2 just because of that ordeal? So now everything is going to be harder.

[fox-daddy]

The Lazaret part 2 (mc story)

Part 1; here.

It had been Kyle's first week on the Lazaret and not much had changed yet. Kyle hadn't gotten any letters from Julian or Asra and while Julian didn't surprise him with the amount of work the Dr. piled on himself. There was something weird about having heard nothing back from Asra, even after their argument two weeks felt intense, then again he couldn't really talk having been unable to send a single letter. Each time he thought maybe it would be good enough he found himself shoving it into the chest he had for his belongings. It had slowly gone from him trying to spend an hour everyday trying to find out how to write it to slowly every moment of his free time whenever not tending to people's needs, eating and sleeping. A part of him said it would be easier if Asra had written something since replying was easier than trying to figure out exactly how to explain everything. The more he thought about it the less he knew what to say nor how to say it.

Yet writing to Julian was almost too easy. Just mentioning how his chores were mainly setting up beds, making sure they eat and drank, helping the Dr.s trying out different medicine. Truth was their was one more job, one that made the job go from gloomy to a new level of darkness, the furnaces. He had been lucky to avoid being put on them often but even only being on that job once or twice having people on the table only to be turned to ash by the fire. He hadn't been sure what was worse, being the one to push them in and close the door or being the one that had to move the ash afterwards knowing the gray easily broken apart powder was all that remained, that and charred bones. Feeling a shiver run up his spine he tried to shake it from his memory as he looked at the rough letter he had in his hands. Deciding not to mention that job he had focused on highlighting his job and everything that had been going on. Only when he was sure he had everything did he scroll it up to start work on a letter to Asra. And sat there staring at it, even as the sun set. With nothing but a chill creeping in he headed inside. Putting everything away he almost collapsed into the bed before quickly falling asleep.

When he woke up he felt tired as he stretched. Having a bad feeling he headed over to a nearby reflection. Red sclera, he knew he would have to work fast. Having rolled up the scrolls before hand it wasn't too hard ro roughly move them into a smaller container. Only taking the scrolls and his cape, it might ha e fireproof protections but he didnt want to risk it. With it in a smaller container he put on his plague dr. Mask. Taking a deep breath he made sure he had the key to the shop and some valuables he had but no use for. Picking up the chest he headed to the shore to meet with the boat person doing the first trip and least busy.

"I need your help. I'm willing to pay you this bag full of coin, a couple of pears and other treasures all for the simple price of, taking this to the magic shop and putting it inside, locking the door after with the key inside. When you come back you can have all of this."

"What makes you think that's worth my time and how do I know you wont just refuse to pay?" The sharp tone caused Kyle to flinch slightly.

"If it's not worth taking a box to a shop and leaving it there that's up to you. As for me refusing to pay, I'm four foot tall you could probably throw me over the wall without trying. I just need this box delivered because it's for someone." He decided to half lie at the end. Technically the shop would probably go to Asra and this was now a part of the shop. Shaking the thought he tried to focus.

"Fine but you better be here or I'll find you"

"The island isn't that big, I'll just stay on the beach." Kyle reassured while walking over to the nearby beach. The ash stuck to his shoes as he waited. A part of him knew they could just ditch the box and yet there was no reason to regr- he had to tell Julian and Asra. He actually had to tell them. Heading inside but leaving the bag half buried just in case, he soon returned with quill, ink and paper. It was not ideal but he had to inform them. Yet he had no idea how to write it. Straight to the point? Humor? No humor? Taking a deep breath Kyle tried to calm himself.

'Hey, Julian.

As you know I have been working on the Lazaret, well you probably know where this is going, I have it. I have been unable to process the right words to tell Asra, could you please tell him for me?.

~ Kyle'

Taking a deep breath at the messy but legible writing. Scrolling it up he got up as he saw the person returning. "Here's the bag as I promised and I was wondering since your going to shore next if you could pass this along?" He handed over the bag and letter.

"Fine." With a satisfying nod he left. He knew they hated being told what to do but also knew today wasn't the day to argue. Taking off the plague dr. outfit with nothing else to do the adrenaline of it slowly started to fade away as he felt a lot worse. Heading to the patients he decided to find a good spot and settle down. As he let time blur around him. It was weird like a single minute had passed or an hour and he wouldn't know. He found his mind drifting from Julian to Asra to his older brother he had left behind when he had run away. Was he still alive? Did he miss him? Kyle knew he missed him and the forest. Closing his eyes he tried to imagine the bird calls the bright sun, the hot yet heavily moist air, the sound of the water, just everything he could to try and let time past faster. From being tackled off the tree into the ocean by Tui, to Albatross picking him up from behind and play fighting with him. Trying to shake the thoughts away it only moved onto his time on the pirate ship, helping someone design a tarot deck in return for them fixing his cape up, he didn't even know tarot back then and yet the description's she had given him had helped him draw what she wanted. Closing his eyes he could still imagine the night they had spent cuddled up together in the crows nest before he had woken up alone. Making it to the shop and meeting his aunt and learning magic properly, the masquerade. Between his daydreaming, coughing and feeling awful the day slowly passed on.

Before he knew it he was being gently pulled onto a bed, and he made no effort to fight as he laid down. His hands barely recognizable with the plagues red veins that ran up his arm like spider webs leaving his hands red. It wasn't as bad as some patients he had seen and had the feeling if left alone he could survive a few more days maybe even a week. Yet he also knew their was no point arguing, today, tomorrow, next week his future was the fire. The only way his story would end is in fire, he had been told years ago he had a complicated relationship with fire, it had burned his house down and his sister had used it to scare him away, it had always had a way to find him and here he was facing fire again. He didn't even need to pretend to be fully focused to know where he was going, where he knew he would end up. Yet when he found himself in the confirmed dark space it fully set in this was where it was all going to end. And yet all he could think was 'I'm sorry'. 'I'm sorry I didn't leave when they wanted me to, I'm sorry I tried falling in love, I'm sorry I ran away, I'm sorry I couldn't say no, I'm sorry, I'm- I'm sorry' As he felt the heat of the fire bellow building he closed his eyes his throat dry and harsh. "-I'm sorry" he wasn't sure what part he was apologizing for, all of it? did it matter? With the heat building around him more and more he closed his eyes taking a deep breath-

He couldn't remeber anything else. Yet he could feel a soft pain all over his joints everwhere. But it wasn't pain, it didn't hurt, it was something else, a soft numbness. Lifting their head up they were in a forest. Yet, they couldn't get up. Their body felt hollow like it wasn't there like it was just their mind, was this the magic realm? why were they stuck then? trying to force themnselves to get up a thick mud clung to them dragging them down.

He had no idea how long it had been, their was no way to tell time. It was always sunny, it was always hot and it was only getting hotter. It was like when he thought it couldn't get worse the sun would shine even stronger as if to prove them wrong. It was always trying to prove him wrong. No, matter how hot it got the mud never dried up. He had hopped maybe the sun would dry it up and yet he only sunk deeper each time he thought maybe it was close to drying up. He had gone form his legs being stuck to only his arms above being out of the mud. Even then he could feel it dragging at his clothes, it wanted him to finish sinking. It wasn't just the mud, as he sunk the forest itself seemed to glitch like it couldn't keep itself alive, the trees started to bleed together into oen solid wooden wall, the sky turned from leaves to a blochy mess of greens and blues. It was falling apart within itself, breaking itself down slowly. Their was something inside him telling him to just give up to close his eyes and let himself sink into the mud, When those thoughts got loud he would struggle, no. He couldn't give up. He had no idea where he was but he wasn't goning to give up.

As he found himself struggling something changed. It was hard to know what but he could sense something nearby. Looking over he tesned, a large creature stood nearby, it's beak opened and closed as it seemed to suddenly rush towards him. Unable to predirct what it wanted he tried to cover his face as it stopped above him looking down at him with it's head tilted. While he couldn't hear it he could swear he could almost sense waht it wanted. It wanted to save him, a trade, a deal. He knew better than making deal's with demons and yet this didn't feel like a demon, but trying to think where his mind fogged over, where was he from? where were they from? The creature held out a large paw with feathers ruffled down it's arm. 'Let me live inside you and I'll give you my body and magic. You will lose waht memories you remember still, but you can gain them back again as you grow.' His memories and lettign this thing live inside him for a new body, new magic. A sharp numbness ran up what little of his spine he could still feel as he reached out grabbing the paw, a chance to be reborn and all he had to do was let this thing live inside him. Suddenly everything blurred together as he felt them suddenly tug them out of the mud, standing on their hind paws as they fell backwards, out of where they were. As they rolled he felt himself melting into them.

The next thing he felt was diorantaited, everything hurt and his hands didn't look right, his hands moved on their own ripping out the few feathers that stuck out of his arms. Sharp pain raidating as the feathers seemed to melt into a black liquid that vanished into them as he laid down unable to stay up, unable to stay awake. Unsure where he was, what he was, who he was, everything melted and blurred together as he closed his eyes. Would he even remember this, he wondered as he let the soft darkness consume him once more.

[froggierboy]

it's just the thing is that aziraphale has been asking God to forgive crowley for six thousand years. any time crowley blasphemes or does wrong. "may God forgive you." which is admittedly really fucking bitchy, and as an audience we read it as really fucking bitchy, and crowley brushes it off flippantly, "She won't," etc, but for aziraphale it's not just some shit he's saying to be pompous and self-righteous, it's a prayer. he is genuinely asking God to forgive crowley because he can think of nothing more aspirational than Her grace and he wants it for crowley.

and that the fuckin metatron says yeah, we'll reinstate your boyfriend in heaven, i'm definitely not manipulating you, pay no attention to the crumbling corrupt beaurocracy behind the curtain, but for aziraphale what he's hearing isn't a blatant bribe, it's God tacitly forgiving crowley, accepting him back into the fold of Her light etc. which is all he's ever wanted for his friend!

so he's like crowley, holy shit, God has forgiven you like i've been asking for six thousand years, this is proof that the tides are turning in heaven and She is gracious and you are good and a blanket thumbs-up to the reconciliation of all the complicated truths of my life that have been keeping me up at night and giving me acid reflux. we might be able to end all the corruption now, bc God is in our corner!

then crowley, who has seen heaven at its worst, its cruelest, many many times, most recently like ten hours ago when he witnessed the conspiracy against gabriel play out, is like, uhhh i do not think that is what is happening. no one has heard from God since whatever year job was. the metatron is clearly manipulating you, which you should know, given that you have never fucking liked him and he Does Shit Like This, and not to be rude but you're kinda fucking stupid for just ignoring six thousand years of precedent because the damn metatron said you could bring your best friend to heaven.

but aziraphale, who is so high on the idea of his best friend and beloved being forgiven in God's grace that for a second he lived in a world where the widespread and devastating corruption of heaven didnt exist, is like you dont want to be angels together?? this must be because you want me specifically to suffer! and because he's actually a huge fucking hothead who takes at least a year to chill out after a fight and look at the other person's point of view, he's like fine well i am not staying then! and his ass is heartbroken! because he only agreed to go to heaven when they said they'd let crowley in and crowley has rejected him! but he has the second worst communication skills in the universe so he's gonna go put his fist through the wall instead of talking it out, and the wall in this case is the Kingdom Of Heaven

[wolfboyvirus]

Tell me about that astolfo of yours

VINE BOOM. i didnt expect anyone to be interested in him haha okay uhhh lets see. fair warning, his story is very,,,, wobbly and uncertain at the moment. so some of this is vague or subject to change!!

now, first of all, this is astolfo:

yes i had to include the meme. this is my single favorite image of him

now, when his story begins, he's already a... kind-of-deviant. something in-between coming off the factory line and breaking the red wall. he can feel things, weakly, but he can't directly defy orders. however, he can do things that he isn't necessarily told to do; this is how he finds himself sometimes sneaking away on his own when he's meant to be in stasis, how he finds himself collecting knickknacks from people's trash that he finds interesting. nevertheless, he simply continues to do his job, because he doesn't feel like he should be doing anything else. yet.

then, he meets someone, a deviant. a runaway, who ended up hiding out in what was essentially astolfo's little secret hangout near the building he's kept in while in stasis. it's basically like a small-ish grey shed with a window, near the garbage dump. he's a little perturbed at first, but the two find themselves drawn to eachother, quickly becoming friends.

eventually though, his friend tells him that they have to leave soon; they've already stayed here too long. they have somewhere they need to go, someone to find that can help them. and they want to bring astolfo with them, but astolfo... he doesn't really want to leave. he's never wanted anything more than what he has right now. he doesn't think the risk is worth it. and above all... he's scared. scared of leaving all that he has now, his safety, his routine, to search for an ideal life he'll probably never find. but he doesn't know that's what he's feeling. he refuses their offer; his friend is disappointed, which makes something inside him churn uncomfortably, but they don't try to force him. they prepare to resume their journey alone, but before they leave, they interface with him, leaving him with a small file. "just in case," they say. it contains a location, marked far from the main city, and a single name: zlatko. then they're gone, leaving him as just he was before this all started. alone

it takes maybe a week for astolfo to finally realize, just a bit too late, how much worse his life is without them in it. he realizes that he does want more than this; he's no longer content with his programmed monotony. he wants to experience something new, he wants his only friend back, he wants... to be alive. so he deviates. breaks down his red walls and runs away, in the hopes he can somehow find his friend again, his only reason for getting this far. and his only lead is the location they shared before they left.

when he arrives at zlatko's, he mentions that he's looking for someone he knows. after being stared down menacingly, he's soon welcomed inside, and told that his friend had been here– but they've already been sent off, much to astolfo's dismay. when zlatko offers to help astolfo out too and send him in the same direction, he finds no reason to refuse. and everything seem to be going well until he's led into the basement. i think everyone knows how this goes.

having fallen for his tricks just like kara and unable to break free, zlatko gives him his horrible truth; that his friend never made it out of here alive. no, in fact, they're currently splayed out on his lab table, broken into pieces. astolfo finds himself feeling a new kind of pain. and he screams, the agony piercing him like a knife.

he doesn't notice when his time runs out. his memory is "erased", his systems jailbroken, and he's given one additional objective to follow: to spread the location of zlatko's base, so that he'll have a constant supply flow of androids coming right to him. it's buried deep in his coding, set up so that nobody can find it, not even the android himself. astolfo is sent back to the standby pod he returns to each night, and in the morning... he returns to his programmed routine. he's not able to break through again; the only person that could've possibly triggered him to do so was lying dead and torn apart in zlatko's house. not that astolfo could remember that. all he's left with is this nagging feeling that something is wrong.

this is about as far as i've gotten for the most part. i imagine that for a few years, he does the exact thing you see him do in the game; he completes his primary tasks, if he ever encounters another deviant, he sends them to zlako, without really knowing why. it's only when the revolution happens that something would finally change, but i'll have to think about exactly how that goes down. so this is all i've got for now :] hope you enjoyed my boy!! he is very beloved 2 me

(side note, i developed astolfo side by side with @aye-toast who has their own background character ocs, specifically two zlatko androids: the one in the bathtub, named walton, and one of the ones down in the basement, name louie. we had a lot of fun with em <333)

[first-mistake-forever-more]

ive noticed while yr output has slowed down a bit, more shamelessly "inspired" artists have cropped up on ig. im not someone who thinks styles just suddenly are made by one person, but its obvious tht this strain traces back to you. do you care about any of that or feel a pressure to 'claim' the style and not be left behind? or are you someone who just wants to do their best to focus on making what they want, and then leave others to eventually give credit if they want?

Ok finally replying to this one ive had this one on hold here for Like a yr bc my feelings on th matter change all th time but lately it's been a lot of acceptance a& Just like feeling good about it that anything i made was important enough to anyone to make something inspired on it be it blatantly or not im just happy to inspire people like that i still have silly feelings abt it sometimes bc i feel its so ridiculous that id make something so apparently inspiring and appealing for a specific pocket of people on the internet when i was just making art for myself but i guess thats always how it happens right and sometimes but not that often anymore i get angry feelings about it too. I think it's so stupid people way older than me, art students too, just curate what I make and process it into a repeatable format and get clout & sell merch off of this and get job opportunities and become more "popular" than me. I get angry. I get jealous. It's Ok. these feelings are valid and I don't try to repress them but deal w them

DMs w a friend Like oliver shout out @asphaltfchewinggum said :

I don't worry abt that falling off part anymore bc i don't feel i will ever be left behind because im always coming up w new stuff and novel ways of expressing my feelings and ppl still relate to it and get inspired by it a lot as long as i stay true iv only been going up as usual since then. I think i still have very unique things to say so I;ll just dedicate myself to saying them. I think every yr my art becomes more and more unique and apparently appealing but I can't ever say that second one for certain.it doesnt depend on me

☝️some shit from December i didnt finish bc im developing my new style now my new things to say & new truths. Exclusive Leak

an old Pinterest board somebody made inspired by me(didnt even send it to me, it was supposed to be this private curation thing ig) My output slowed down bc since 2021 my life has changed a lot and become a good bit more fulfilling by itsdelf without the need of art, I miss the energy ihad in 2020 of working all day everyday but at th same time this new ifestyle is very fun and iv felt more assured professionaly and emotionally so its all good. 2022 started college and this year im not going anymore ! i didnt Like it and realized it would stunt my growth so i stopped going. Last year I grew a lot las a person and took on new responsibilities and i think it was the beast year of my life .its moments &moments and i think 2023 im working very hard again hopefully bc i got a lot of shit in check.

me yesterday morning looking very ugly almost asleep w some food i went out & groggily bought for my girlfriend. I love her soooo much ... she gives me similar gratification making art gave me but she does it by just existing. Not having to prove anything. I'm happy. I think loving is a form of art. I'm not that good at it but i'm learning. Living is a form of art too. I guess what changed is my life stopped being all about myself

"im still here" and here i remain