#bed treatment

[teddybear-heart]

About Me

I thought it might be a good idea to make a self-introduction post for a little more context into who I am and how this eating disorder affects me.

Online, I go by TeddyBearHeart, or just “Teddy” for short. This is obviously not my real name, as I still wish to remain anonymous. However, I will share how I got this name: the love of my life was sharing a dream about how he had dreamt that we were in a scary situation and I had said “my little teddy bear heart can’t handle all this” and it was so on-par with how I talk that we adopted its use into our waking life.

I am 24 years old, as of writing this in January 2023, and I live in southeast Wisconsin. I work a 12 hour night shift job as a EMS dispatcher.

I grew up in Kansas with a big adoptive family that became a broken home. Shortly after graduating high school, I was kicked out by my adoptive mother and struggled with homelessness for months. My first jobs were in fast food before I landed a job in healthcare, and I had stayed in the spare room of a kind stranger (not recommended!) before meeting the love of my life and moving in with him.

Just before the COVID-19 pandemic struck, we we able to move up here to Wisconsin. I struggled to find work, but happened to meet an EMS manager through one of the odd jobs I had taken at a bakery who liked me so much she gave me a recommendation to get me hired.

I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder on January 10, 2023 after being referred to a dietician to be put on a GERD diet for gastrointestinal issues. During the routine questioning about my eating habits, my dietician discovered a disturbing pattern that had been lying undetected since my childhood. Honestly, I can’t even say I was surprised when she told me, because I had known something had been wrong for a long time.

In addition to the eating disorder, I was at the highest weight I had ever been in my life. At only 5’3.5” tall, I was an entire 290.6 lbs with an estimated body fat percentage of 50% or higher. I did not feel healthy, I was not comfortable in my body, and the added weight exacerbated my pre-existing asthma.

Due to the “fat acceptance” movement and overwhelming diet culture, it was impossible to get anyone to take me seriously when I said I wanted to lose weight because I wasn’t feeling right. I feel like I had begged my PCP for resources and assistance in losing weight, but I had been told I “looked fine”.

Now that my eating disorder has been diagnosed and is being addressed, I feel much more confident that something is going to change.

[go6jo]

dating rin and he barges in through the bathroom door while you’re filming your vogue beauty secrets night skincare routine video because he completely forgot about you mentioning it and thought you were getting ready for bed without him which upset him because it's something he looks forward to at the end of the day - gets home really late everyday and it's a ritual he gets to share with you, a moment to be intimate with you. so when he notices you're recording he just goes "oh." with the most deadpan look on his face, standing by the door apologizing and you very sweetly chuckle and tell him it's okay, with a kiss to his cheek, that you'll help him when you're done. you eventually decide to keep his cameo in the final cut, with his consent, even though you're usually very private dating each other because you thought that it couldn’t hurt to shine a light on your relationship. after all you were proud of him and it feels good to show him off every once in a while. (plus the public is used to his aggression on the field, to star athlete rin itoshi, his cold demeanour and foul mouth and this showed a different side to him, that he could be tame, too. docile.) gets a little embarassed when the video is posted and as soon as he leaves the frame you're telling the camera about how he likes it when you do your nightly routine together. and that his favourite part are the face masks.

[foundfamilywhump]

see like the thing with 'carewhumpers' as a concept to me is it just like... i know this is prrrrobably not really how it's meant but something skeeves me out about the idea that kindness or caretaking mixed in with hurting someone can somehow meaningfully complicate or dilute the harm done to the point of making that character no longer a 'whumper' whereas someone doing the same 'bad' things but not ever being gentle or caring for them would just be a straight-out whumper. when like... that's how 90% of irl abuse dynamics work? so i just... don't really get the point, i guess. like to me it implies something about the 'care' provided somehow mitigating or combating the harm done that. i just do not personally appreciate or enjoy.

[ghostreblogging]

Jazz thought she knew her parents. I mean they were idiots and stubbornly held their awful beliefs but she always thought that when Danny finally tells them . Reveals his identity they would turn around.

Jazz loved her parents. Even with their ghost obsession. She still believes their love would conquer that. That they would feel regret for their many threats and attacks against Danny

Jazz also loved Danny. She loved how much of an idiot her little brother could be . How he would always try to look out for his friends and sister. Even if he could be a little gremlin.

That illusion shattered when one day when she came home Danny was not to be found anywhere in the house. Weird, there was no news about any fights... He must be out with his friends

Three hours . It took her three hours to realize something was wrong.

A non breathing Danny.

A broken portal.

She just kept hitting Maddie and Jack. They weren't moving anymore.

She needed to get away.

She needed to get out.

She gathered her brother up.

12 pieces.

Too much blood.

Then she woke up in Gotham. It's fine.

She got herself an apartment. A job . She sewed her brother back together. He'll be fine. He recovered from much worse. Before she knows anything he'll be back.

She - his heart still beat so softly that it might as well have been her imagination. BUT still that must be because he's a halfa. It must be it. Otherwise. . . no use thinking that.

There is a smell of rot and burning flesh coming from his room. Must be a halfa thing. If only she had access to the far frozen. She has been trying to build a portal but it's been hard. The blueprints themselves are almost unintelligible, and she can't understand the mad writing of jack and Madeline.

It was another normal day. Ah well the new normal. Jazz had been trying to clean around the areas around the sutures.

"Jazz." She perked up. It had been months. May-

"You can't keep doing this.". Danny was still stiff as a corpse. And that pulse is still as soft as ever. But she knows her little gremlin was still alive as he can be.

"Please, remember? You always told me to take care of yourself. Take your own advice" and Danny was right. Well even if it was just a hallucination. He was right. Jazz should maybe take a break. After all for the last few months she had been only focusing on Danny and the portal.

So came a different routine. That led to meeting Jason.

And they became closer. And he became frequenting her apartment. She made sure to lock Danny's room. The guest room.

After a few months. Jazz finally introduced Jason to her little brother.

Jason found no pulse. He found a corpse on the bed.

[problemcore]

like yea when i was. freaking 16. i saw buccellati as a very parental figure to the passione kids. but im 20 now and im overcome with dread at how the entire world is at his shoulders the entire season. its terrifying. and you reduce him to the mom friend? whatever is actually going on with him is much more intriguing

[bittsandpieces]

I think if we try hard enough we could sexualize migraines

[notrimbaud]

Bed rot Miku!

[your-lovelybunny]

Me, my lipgloss and my phone against this frightening world ྀི

[00fairylights00]

Hypersomnolence

Haha funny story, I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder in November after struggling with it unknowingly for give or take 18 months. Turns out I’m not crazy and falling asleep against your will multiple times a day is actually not a good or normal thing.

So permit me to write the puppet like a sap as I need this right now lol. Yes these are in fact all things I experienced but I am medicated for them now hooray!

One task, that was all you’d managed to get through today. You felt sick and heavy, opting to sit on the cold ground before your body made you, it was a battle to stay awake as sleep attacked you again.

It was only early afternoon and you’d struggled through your one task of sweeping, you were certain everyone at the hotel thought you to be lazy, even if they’d all told you otherwise.

You’d been sick like this for a long time, long before the petrification disease or the puppet frenzy, both events having a negative effect on the way you’d usually manage your symptoms. 

And while you appreciated the sanctity you’d been spared at Hotel Krat, the nagging feeling of needing to repay Lady Antonia for her kindness was not helping your case.

You sat with your head in your hands, slipping in and out of consciousness, losing the battle again. Usually, Polendina would find you, send you to your room to rest and that would be it for the day, once you were in bed you found it hard to do much of anything else. Which you supposed was good for your body but it made your emotional well-being an absolute wreck.

Lady Antonia had asked you time and time again to be kinder to yourself, to feel accomplished of the things you could do and that you were welcome here no matter how sick you were, and she would know a thing or two about being sick.

But, you had a bad habit of being nasty to yourself, and with your sleep-related illness only seeming to get worse you couldn’t remember the last time you’d spoken kindly to yourself.

You felt like shit.

A hand at your shoulder, delicate and tender shook you but it didn’t do much to rouse you. Your vision swam uncomfortably through the gaps in your fingers, your head being too heavy to lift up. Hands grasped your wrists, pulling gently to reveal your face that was then taken into those same hands, one soft and warm, the other firm and cold.

With the weight of your head now being supported by P’s hands you could somewhat force yourself to look at him. His expression was unreadable, as always, but his presence was a balm to your spiralling thoughts.

The friendship of Geppetto’s Puppet had been good for you, P didn’t care how tired you were he was just happy to see you, he didn’t expect anything but your presence and that was something you could give freely, tired or not.

He tilted his head in question to what you assumed to be your position on the floor, slumped over rather uncomfortably.

“It just came on, I had to sit down,” you mumbled, he seemed to frown, getting down on one knee and shifting you against him to pick you up.

With you cradled to his chest, he ascended the stairs. You burrowed down against his chest, relishing in how nice it was to be looked after. 

It was almost like the trip up to your room didn’t happen, one moment you were snug to P’s chest, the next you were under your sheets and propped up against the headboard. P took it upon himself to remove his shoes and coat and sit on the opposite side of the bed to keep you company.

“Sleepy?” P asked innocently, you nodded trying desperately to suppress another yawn. 

“I-“ he started, a thoughtful look crossing his face, “-want to help. How do I help?”

He gently took your hand in his own, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles. The astounding amount of care he treated you with was sure to tear you apart in the best ways, making your exhausted mind spin.

“Just stay here with me for a bit,” You laid your head on his shoulder, “I think that’ll help.”

“Okay.”

He mimicked you, resting his head on top of yours, pulling the sheets further up your lap. Doing what he could to keep you comfortable, a concept he was still trying to grasp.

“Thank you P,” you mumbled, snuggling closer, “love you.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to your head, nose buried in your hair, “I love you too.”

[tricoufamily]

i have legitimately done nothing but code today i haven't slept more than four hours for the past three nights and my final final project still is nowhere near done idc sim break (this was a terrible idea)

[teddybear-heart]

About This Blog

This is my personal blog to share my experiences in recovering from a mental illness known as Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

That being said, this is an eating disorder recovery blog, and therefore might be triggering to some people.

However, with as little literature as I can find about the nitty-gritty of recovering from this fairly obscure eating disorder, I thought it would be important to share my experiences on a public forum so that they may help someone else when they feel isolated or maybe even give guidance to someone who cannot afford treatment.

With Tumblr ultimately being a social media site, I understand that people may wish to comment, ask questions, or otherwise interact with this blog. I welcome this, as I believe open conversations lead to understanding, but I will not engage with blatant harassment. I ask others to follow my example in this and do not feed the trolls.

To anyone suffering with a restrictive eating disorder who may happen upon this blog, please be aware that due to the nature of my eating disorder, weight loss will eventually be a part of my recovery. I will do my best to tag any posts with such a trigger warning, but peruse this blog at your own risk.

In closing, please understand that the purpose of this blog is not to promote eating disorders as lifestyle choices, look down on anyone for having an eating disorder, enable diet culture, give medical advice, or shame anyone for their weight or eating habits.

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

confinement arc where L tortures light with more hands-on methods......

[3-aem]

me petting my cat at 3am after 0 indication that he is actually hurt: r u okay would u tell me if you were ever not okay

my cat probably: god she’s at it again

[agoddamn]

I am once more posting about how character refusing medical treatment for no raisin is possibly my most beloathed trope

There are so many very legitimate reasons a fictional character might not get treatment!

Allergies

Negative interaction with a medication character is already on

Negative reaction to the medication in general

Character is nonhuman/alien/mutant/etc and standard medical treatment won't work

Not registering injury due to shock/nerve damage

Not registering injury due to pre-existing chronic condition that made things suddenly, unexpectedly much worse

Not registering severity of injury because internal bleeding can (and often does!) look a lot like bad bruising

Hospital is haunted

Injury greatly exceeds current medical resources (ie it's a spinal fracture and all they have is a My Little Pony first aid kit)

Character believes that death is imminent

Character has something illegal/taboo/valuable attached to their body (from illegal body-mods in a sci-fi universe to curse in a fantasy universe)

C'mon, guys, I get it! I also love when characters get the ever-loving blue-eyed shit beat out of them! Just, give 'em some actual reason to suffer. A basic pretext. Please.

[sapphicautistic]

Having high motivation/desire (and need) to clean and organize, and having to instead lie around being bored because your stupid mitochondria are gorked, is the most annoying thing.

I could so eagerly spend days on end cleaning from wake to sleep rn but this annoying body is like :( but I'm gonna collapse :(

[seariii]

Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife babygirl wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife love wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife princess wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife honey wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife