#before having to take a different way home due to a huge crash on the interstate

[bookwyrminspiration]

"pirates vs vampires" why would you pit my dad and I against each other like this

[iyuzziiiiii05]

Mozenrath modern AU head canons

Because he is evil tall and handsome (arguably…)

(

-OKAY SO BOOM. First off let’s start off with ethnicity, I (this is an opinion) found him to be Turkish. Like I don’t know why I just looked at him and thought ‘🇹🇷’. But since Aladdin and the whole of Agrabah were supposed to be Persian. (I think, they never specified this so I’m going off of hopes and dreams here ppl), so he’s half and half. This is because… *suspenseful music* Mozenrath and Aladdin were supposed to be half brothers, Their father Cassim (I’m guessing that’s how it’s spelt), was in the third Aladdin move and the whole TV show after the second Aladdin movie takes place in between that time frame, and Mozenrath was supposed to be in the movie but unfortunately his voice actor died (RIP Johnathan Brandis).

-Back to the future! He’s a 20-year old college student, majoring in chemistry, and minoring in history. He puts more effort into his minor than his major. Usually he’s in the dorms, but then over break he goes home.

-He lives with Cassim and his half brother, Aladdin, who is a senior in high school and brings his girlfriend Jasmine around too often. Mozenrath actually thought Jasmine was pretty until he was yelling at Aladdin for no reason and Jasmine defended Aladdin and now he hates her.

-He’s bisexual with a preference for women, but he’s actually kissed a man before when he was a freshman in high school. And the man was older than him by a lot, this is because before he met Cassim and began living with him, he didn’t have an actual parental figure. His step father, Destane had shut him up with money and hoped for the best, so Mozenrath was often left to his own accord.

-This ends up messing him up a little as he sees things he’s not supposed to see, does things he shouldn’t do and leaves him with mental health issues that he ultimately ignores, which ends up snowballing into ruining his social skills and making him bitter about basically everyone.

-He has an extremely strained relationship with Cassim. This is because that he believes since Aladdin looks more like Cassim and wasn’t a product of a one night stand like he was, he thinks Cassim favorites Aladdin.

-He has a very small friend group, and 3 out of the four people in that group he doesn’t like. He also has a pet eel that he’s not supposed to have named Xerxes.

-The type of sibling who crashes out in his room and then when Aladdin sees it’s worse.

“Hey, Mozenrath! Dad’s ordering food, and Jasmine’s coming over, you want something- Woah! You okay?”

“Dammit- Ugh!! ALADDIN GET THE HELL OUT MY ROOM!!”

-That’s just the average interaction between the two of them. And Mozenrath can be eerily calm about the most life threatening things but at the same thing crashout over the smallest things. He needs everything to be organized and has NO time for petty annoyances.

-He has a huge collection of ancient historical books detailing the most horrible wars and he reads it all with a calm face. He has a huge interest in the history of black magic and anything to do with that sort of things. But could not bring himself to watch Harry Potter.

-He is HORRIBLE to work with in group projects. Everything must be done a certain way because he knows the best and if it’s not done a certain way. A small mistake? you’ll probably get a condescending, snarky remark from him, an eye roll and a scoff. A big one? You’re finished

Mozenrath crossed his arms as he shared at the project document on his laptop. The information was totally wrong and his group mate had thought they were doing it on a different person.

And had made 10 slides worth of information.

The project was also due that night.

“So… this is what you give me after three entire days worth of work. Wrong person, horrible vocabulary and just no effort…. YOU IDIOT- THIS PROJECT IS DUE TONIGHT!!!”

[fox-daddy]

Kyle's 5W's and How

After thinking about this for a bit, I decided to use this to dive into Kyle a bit more and hopefully show why I love him. This is inspired by @sweetestlittledarling's post.

(Note; this takes place post-plague and pre-game. Think a few days before the game is set.)

Who is Kyle?

Kyle is a young magician's apprentice who's around two years younger than Asra.

He has bright blue eyes with small islands of green scattered throughout them. This is due to having segmented heterochromia in both eyes. (He has been told he has the world in his eyes.)

He has short, fluffy, bright red hair that's less curly than Asra's but just as fluffy.

Kyle has a skin tone closest to Muriel's, but if you look closely, you can see little specks of dark skin (freckles) but also pale, harder-to-see ones.

Standing at a whopping 4'4, he makes even Portia look tall. His small height is surprisingly not genetic but rather a magic phenomenon that happens in his birth country. Birds, lizards, bats, dragons, fish, and plants all have the chance to be a lot smaller than normal. This magic means that if Kyle had kids, he would be as safe as a normal-sized person having a baby in those times.

Having ADHD and ASD He has sensitivities to certain textures and flavors. Being sensitive to both spicy food and minty food, while absolutely loving Selasi's mint tea due to the baker making sure to make his cup mild mint instead of the normal rich flavor that causes Kyle to reflexively scrunch up his nose. Some textures he's sensitive to are silk; he loves the feeling of silk clothes, but one time when Asra swapped the bed cover with silk, it left Kyle sleeping downstairs until it was changed back. Don't worry, Asra was able to repurpose it into a bunch of different items and arts and crafts projects. Nothing was wasted.)

While I don't tend to do voice claims, I did it for Kyle and a few other characters and used this as the voice claim for Kyle, with the difference being that Kyle has a Kiwi accent. But this is close to what I imagine his tone, pitch, etc. to sound like.

What is Kyle?

I could give the generic answer of, well, Kyle is a human moving on. However, I want to dive into this a bit. What makes Kyle who he is?

I could see an answer of his free spirit. But what does that actually mean to Kyle as a person? Since it's not always exploring, it's the way he pauses to watch a leaf fall, to watch a bird hop around, the way he goes into new shops he's never been in just to look around.

But that isn't all of it.

He's kind. Another vague word. Which in this case is his ability to stand up for others even when it's scary. The way he sometimes brings a huge pot down to the beach to make a ton of soup for those who need it. The way he will go out of his way to help those he can.

Yet, even then, he'd argue those are more selfish than kind. He brings soup to hear stories, and because he's not feeling good, he helps people because it makes him feel good.

In reality, asking the 'what' is always going to be harder than the 'who.'

Why is Kyle Kyle?

This might be a stupid question on the surface, but why is Kyle the way he is?

Diving pre-plague, a lot of his formative years were spent around a tropical forest, large trees, large birds, humid air, and mild winters.

But the earliest thing to define him was in his original home being ignored by the elders. Being allowed to wonder while being small meant he was easy prey for large birds, and while he obviously survived all the attacks, it did leave him with scars on his shoulders.

Then there was the time he snuck onto a boat to join his dad on a trip and accidently caused his dad's death. (The boat crashing didn't kill him, but by the time Kyle got help, a flock of StormBird's had gotten him. Giant birds that fly around during heavy storms looking for food.)

Then in his new home, he was told who he should be by different people who had different wants for him.

Having his home burned down in front of him, he became a pirate for a few years as free passage towards Vesuvia, where he heard of someone who shared a last name.

Finally learning magic from his aunt.

A lot has shaped Kyle, and while it's been long forgotten by Kyle himself, he will always carry the scars of how it shaped who he is as a person.

When is Kyle, Kyle?

Kyle is mostly himself when he forgets about thinking; a few examples are;

When the shop is filled with people as Kyle bounces between customer service, helping people find items, and restocking shelves.

Birdwatching/animal watching. Even if it's watching Faust make her way from one side of the shop to the other.

Half asleep cuddles with Asra, where his brain is turned off and he's already halfway towards sleeping.

Speaking of half asleep, also early mornings when Kyle is just waking up.

So basically whenever he isn't overthinking himself or the world around him and can just enjoy being alive.

How is Kyle?

He's good.

He hides his insecurity about his height by playing into his childish clothing choice and baby face. Using any infantilization of him to the person's disadvantage as he analyzes everyone as thoroughly as Nadia does.

While he appears cheerful and sweet, the truth is he just likes being happy. He likes being able to openly smile to openly laugh and to try his hardest to look on the bright side. While he does have pessimistic thoughts, he buries them with kindness to himself and others. 'What if his friends secretly hate him?' 'Then it's on them for not telling him, and all he can do is try his best to be the best person he can be.' 'Nobody cares what he has to say?' 'He cares, and that's enough.'

While he isn't prone to depression, he needs support from people due to his ADHD and ASD. He won't remember to do certain things, and the shop and house will slowly clutter and fall apart around him. Which will cause him to suffer through depressive episodes as he loses control of his environment, leaving it inhabitable. Kyle is unable to fully take care of himself, and he knows this. This is why he has Bluebell and Hunter as friends who'll check in and help him when Asra's away on long trips.

He's braver than he thinks he is. Partly due to ASD and partly due to learning in a supportive environment, he doesn't fear people as much as he used to. Making him more and more willing to stand up to people who are otherwise scary. Muriel is nearly twice his height, and yet the only time in the game he's ever felt scared of Muriel was one time in Nadia's route, where Muriel suddenly stands between him and the bear carving, towering over him, and twice in Asra's route, once during a dream and once during their first? meeting. Even when scared, he's calm trusting himself and his ability to handle the situation. He's willing to face Muriel head-on, not because he thinks he could take Muriel in a fight but because he trusts himself and his magic to be able to get him away before a fight breaks out or before he gets hit. A shield spell to block the blow and retreating.

Despite being quite smart, he feels like an absolute idiot a lot. Yet he knows deep down this is just his own insecurities and works through this by writing things down to help with his sometimes horrible working memory and short-term memory.

He knows he's not perfect and has learned how to be okay with that and, over time, how to forgive himself more than he used to be able to do. And because of that, he's good.

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

4

Your first night with Azul was not what you expected. It had been a long time since you had a puppy in the house. So long you forgot how much sleep gets lost. On top of being a pup she was still recovering from surgery and coming down off the pain medication before her next dose was due was difficult. The nights that followed seemed easier but perhaps you were just lost in your delirium. 

You stood at the coffee maker in the break room. 

"Are you trying to use your mind-yoi?" 

"Hmm?" you looked up at your boss as he glanced between you and the machine. 

"Oh, F/N… are you ok?"

Before you could answer he'd already switched into doctor mode, placing his hand on your forehead and looking over your clammy, paler than usual face. You thought you'd successfully covered the deep circles under your eyes - but apparently not. 

"Wha-?" you muttered, slowly registering what was happening, "I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just Azul…" a huge yawn interrupted you, making Marco chuckle.

"Ah, side effects of a puppy in recovery-yoi. Should I have Shachi help Chopper up front today so you can go home and rest?"

"No, it's ok. I'm fine really." you insisted. 

"She's sick?" Dr. Trafalgar questioned flatly, entering the room. 

"Just a little exhaustion-yoi."

"She should go home then," the other doctor murmured glancing over you and turning back to Marco. 

"I'm right here, ya know." you pouted, "I can't go home anyway - the reason I'm so tired lives with me now." 

"Just board her then-yoi. She's familiar with the staff." the blonde suggested. 

"I don't want her to think I've abandoned her." 

The slightest hint of amusement crossed the tattooed doctor's lips. 

"And we need to get used to each other." you added finally pressing the start button on the coffee machine. 

"Take a nap in overnight's office at least. I can't have my receptionist toppling over at the front desk." Dr. Newgate ordered. 

"Ok, ok. The phones quiet down between two and three. I'll have Chopper fly solo for an hour." 

Marco nodded moving to make his own cup of coffee while Law grabbed a can of tea from the fridge and exited quietly. Abandoning your coffee in the fridge for later, you made your way upfront to give Chopper the rundown. 

The overnight office was small and cold, perfect for an afternoon nap. There was a bunk bed against the back wall with a nightstand, an alarm clock and a touch lamp. The left side of the room was lined with shelves and storage bins, while the right was plastered with VetMed memes. 

You shut the door and pulled fresh blankets off the shelf before kicking off your shoes and getting comfortable on the bottom bunk. It really didn't take long to fall asleep once you got cuddled up. 

The sound of cardboard shuffling and crashing to the floor startled you. 

"Shit." The curse was so soft you thought you might've dreamt it. 

Yawning, you sat up as Trafalgar turned to pick up the box with a frustrated sigh. 

"Can I help ya with something doc?"

"That's - I didn't come in here to wake you up."

You pushed the blanket aside and stretched,"But you look like you need help." 

He reached into his scrub pocket retrieving a battery as you tapped the bedside lamp to brighten the room. 

"Where can I get this?" he redirected his gaze while you fixed your hair and slipped into your shoes. 

"What size?" you asked, stepping toward him. 

"Size?" he looked back at you confused before processing what'd you'd asked.

"Yeah," you chuckled, taking it from him, "your hands are huge, I couldn't tell if it was a double or triple A."

There was an awkward moment of silence while his ears began to burn. It was just a moment of confusion. He obviously knew batteries came in different sizes. But now he felt so stupid for pausing and you just chuckled it off like you always did. 

"We keep them in IMed*. I can show you." you offered with a small smile. 

"I have an appointment to get to." he murmured gruffly before excusing himself. 

You stood there alone with the battery in your hand not even knowing how many or for what device he needed. 

"What are you doing back here-yoi?" your boss asked as you stepped into his treatment area, "It has barely been 45 minutes."

Opening the drawer under the desk next to him you rummaged around for the box of double A batteries, "Doctor T couldn't find these." 

"So he woke you up?" The amount of outrage in his usually calm voice was almost flattering. 

"He really didn't mean to. He thought we kept them in the back office and dropped a box. Poor guy was so embarrassed he just walked out." you laughed, easing Marco's frustration. 

After collecting what you needed you made your way to Law's office. The mouse on his desk was turned upside down with the battery removed. You replaced it and set the extra you'd brought with you next to his keyboard.

"Here's a spare!" You wrote on a small post-it. 

On your way back to the lobby you stopped at the break room to retrieve your now cold coffee from the fridge. 

Chopper wasn't alone long but he had managed very well on his own. You were still tired but had enough of a nap to be able to focus on work. Luckily the afternoon picked up and you didn't have the down time to think about sleep. 

As you were preparing to close for the day and get Azul ready to go, your extension rang. 

"What's up?" you answered assuming it was one of the technicians. 

"Thank you, F/N-ya." Law's voice was soft and low. 

"Oh - uh right… the battery." you stammered feeling a little rush in your chest. 

"Yes, and I put some CBD chews in the bag hanging on Azul's kennel. That should help her wind down at night."

"Thanks doc, ya didn't have to do all that." you smiled resting the receiver against your shoulder while you powered the computer down. 

"No worries. Enjoy your evening." 

"Yeah, you too." you replied brightly. 

The last few interactions you'd had with Law were almost painfully awkward. Well, more so than usual. He was already not a very social human and reserved most of his politeness and niceties for the clients. Though on more than a few occasions someone complained that he was too cold and straight forward. All of that was fine with you until recently - you didn't have to speak with him often. Now one of his patients belonged to you. 

Perhaps you'd end up bonding with him after all. 

*Internal Medicine 

[adachicuto]

last date before wedding with skz

warning(s): food and wine mentions

↳ bang chan: your relationship would be filled with date nights at the studio and even though chris would want things to be much more special, the two of you would plan for there to be hiccups and would decide not to make any reservations etc. so, he'd be so proud of himself bc he'd get everything done at the studio a lot sooner to ensure he was completely yours for the day but of course, he'd get a call just as he was leaving the studio and he'd text you to let you know. this wouldn't be a problem for you as you both planned for something to come up and you would even have to finish up some work as well so it'd be okay but you'd have a feeling that chris would beat be hard on himself about it. so, you'd make sure to reassure him about it when he'd get home and the two of you would make homemade pizza. i could see him goofing around and trying to toss the dough and would nearly drop it. there would be lots of back hugs, soft kisses, and excited giggling when the pizza would come out much better than you'd expect and chris being excited about the cookies you'd surprise him with.

↳ lee know: i think a nice meal and a movie would be the type of date that you'd both enjoy but a few days would've passed and neither of you would leave due to all of the planning. so, i think a nice outing and getting some fresh air for a few hours would be good for both of you. you'd decide to go to a place that both of you would like and would order your usual meals and you'd both decide to get smoothies or something after. on your way to the smoothie place, you'd happen to notice a cat cafe which would look fairly new. minho would notice you staring and he'd smile before grabbing your hand and walking in the direction of the cafe. you'd go to a cat cafe minho wouldn't really care for super fancy dates. it would be difficult for both of you to not smile, especially when a bombay cat would rub against minho's leg and he'd look down and grin. minho would leave to get some drinks while you'd find a table near one of the many cat trees and maybe you'd take a quick photo of the cats lazing on it just as it would start to rain outside.

↳ changbin: with all of the stress from planning your wedding, a little getaway would probably benefit both of you. so, you'd leave the city and stay at a hotel in a cute little town a few hours away. the bed and breakfast you'd stay at would be so nice and homey that you'd both be in awe the entire time. even though it would be pretty early in the day and the two of you would plan on exploring as soon as you'd arrive, both of you would end up crashing. so, the two of you would explore the next day and would start out your day with breakfast and iced coffee. then you would go see the tourist attractions and even go wine tasting. to end off the day, the two of you would get dinner and wine at a local restaurant and you'd both get so excited about the free dessert. overall, you'd enjoy yourselves and finally get time to relax before you'd start counting down the days until the wedding.

↳ hyunjin: even though the two of you would be very busy with wedding prep, hyunjin would decide to paint a few pieces for a local animal shelter and even a preschool. you'd gladly help him, even if you wouldn't be as good as a painter. it wouldn't really matter to you because it would be a welcome distraction. there wouldn't really be a set deadline for the pieces so, you'd pick a day or few out of the week and paint together with glasses of wine and your favorite snacks and it would become mini date nights for you. even after you'd finish up the pieces, you'd still continue to paint together. then, hyunjin would come home one day with a huge canvas and he'd suggest that the two of you could work on it leading up to the wedding as a little project and you'd hang it up in your new home. so, then you'd work on filling up the spaces with different things together some days and would end your nights with face masks, your favorite drinks, and a show you'd get into.

↳ han: you and jisung would probably spend most of the day inside napping because there would be so much to do and so little time when it came to wedding planning, even if you'd want the wedding to be more on the simple side, there would be so many details and things to take in consideration. when both of you would decide on going on out, you'd go play mini golf together and you'd both get a little competitive but then one of you would miss badly, and then you'd both have to try and catch your breath from all of the laughing but then jisung's laughing/wheezing would make you laugh even more. so, it'd be a good thing that any other mini golfers were too far away to witness that lol. after that, jisung would take you to get something to eat at an amazing family-owned restaurant and you'd have to stop yourselves from wanting to order everything on the menu. when you'd leave the restaurant it would still be pretty early out and you'd happen to pass a sign advertising a pottery class. it would take both of you a minute to decide on going and you'd get lucky because the class wouldn't be full. within an hour or so you'd have matching coffee mugs that would be far from perfect but the decorations would make up for it.

↳ felix: it would be pretty fun for the two of you to spend most of the date recording tiktoks but make a date out of it and only if you'd be comfortable with that. it would be more of a comfort food crawl because of all the wedding planning and stress that comes with that. so, you'd try a few foods from some of the different restaurants and bakeries near your apartment and rate them while also pointing out what made the foods really good. the first place you would go to would be just for appetizers and the portion sizes would be huge, which would earn it an extra point, so you'd probably only have to get one. the next place you'd stop at would be a family-owned restaurant and you would both become fast friends with the owner because they'd be so sweet and would even give you something free after they'd hear you talk about the wedding. of course, you'd take funny pictures of each other getting really excited about the food and then changbin and minho would text the group chat and clown felix lol. you'd finish up with an iced coffee bc hot coffee in this heat? no way, or maybe, and the trending s'mores cookies and brownies.

↳ seungmin: seungmin has always given me coffee shop meet-cute and coffee date vibes so i think that's what kind of date you'd go on. seungmin seems like a realistic person so, i think he'd realize that neither of you would really have much time for a super fancy date, not that he wouldn't try bc, of course, he would, but i think he wouldn't want to rush things, mainly since you'd both be limited on time and something familiar would work. so, no matter how many coffee dates you'd go on during the course of your relationship or how often, they would never feel the same. even though you'd be in the midst of planning your wedding, both of you would still have jobs and work to get done. so, you would leave your place a little early one morning with your laptops, chargers, etc. and since the coffee shop and bookstore wouldn't be very far, it'd be an enjoyable little walk to get coffee and breakfast. after his first cup of coffee, seungmin would open up his laptop and work on a song that he and the rest of skz were planning to release soon. you'd also get some work done as well as catch up on a show that you missed. an hour or so would pass and then you'd move to a booth and naturally, seungmin would inch closer to you and rest his chin on your shoulder to see what you'd be working on. he'd notice your laptop wallpaper, a candid picture of the two of you at the beach smiling at each other with stars in your eyes courtesy of jeongin, and he'd have the biggest grin on his face.

↳ i.n: both of you would agree on going to a local fair. the rides and the smell of fried foods would take both of you back to your childhood. for whatever reason, you'd both get on the gigantic slide and would have matching smiles on your faces after. then jeongin would rush towards the bumper cars and you'd laugh the entire time because neither of you would be able to move from the spots you started out in and get bumped into constantly. after that, you'd get slushies and a bunch of other snacks before heading toward the photo booth. the first few pictures would be silly and you'd both stick out your blue tongues and the last would be of him kissing you. you'd end the night off by getting on the ferris wheel and you'd rest your head on his shoulder and he'd interlace your fingers, a huge smile on his face.

[xx-blueboy-xx]

Oooooh Gabriel’s guide to Sam Winchester I must know 🥺

WIP Ask Game!

Sooo!!!

The title is a reference to "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" - and there is a reason for it!

Here is a little synopsis of the fic I have:

Gabriel, in a last ditch effort to save his life - goes careening through space and time. Searching for his one and only: Sam Winchester.

Sorta.

He really should have told the hunter about his feelings, before he went off and nearly died. Now, he is stuck jumping through universes and alternate-timelines, until he manages to discover the soul his own was anchored too.

So: basically, the plot is season-13 divergent where as Gabriel is being stabbed by Alt!Michael he tries and does his "fake death" trick but due to a lack of grace (and Alt!Michael's doing) something goes awry. Anddd, so, instead of ending back with OG!Sam in the bunker in the OG!Supernaturalverse he crash lands himself straight into an AU!

The fic follows him hopping between universes as he attempts to track down his Sam - meeting a bunch of AU!Sams along the way! And each chapter is titled realted to something he knows about Sam/learns what is different about the AU!Sams he meets! (and are numbered like a list)

I was planning on finishing it for GBB but, life happened and I didn't get around to it + had to drop out due to a lack of time. It is currently sitting at about 23k words with 4 complete chapters!!

Which are, because i genuinely love this fic and I will finish it someday (there is 2-3 more chapters I have planned and a lit of editing)

1. Sam Winchester is Not A Coward

- which is taking place in the world where Dean visted during his jinn dream! Lawyer!Sam who because of OG!Dean's visit entire timeline was set astray... (so the supernatural still exist in this world he just didn't know about it obv - because all the ppl they saved died)

2. Sam Would Die For Dean

- this is also taking place with Lawyer!Sam

3. Sam Likes Two Spoonful of Sugar in his Coffee

- in this one Gabriel meets a coffee-shop no real monsters Sam! Who is a huge fan of the books "Supernatural" (but they feature the Ghostfacers as the two brothers)

4. Sam Winchester is Warm

- Still with coffee-shop Sam! And it features Gabriel meeting his own alternative (who is basically just Richard Slieght)

5. Sam Winchester is Not An Evil Son of A Bitch

- the unstarted chapter but !! It's BoyKing!Sam :) and Gabriel meets his own alternative from this world too!

6. Sam Is Perfectly & Beautifully Human

- Gabe ends up in a Reverse!verse and meets angel!sam and hunter!gabe (unstarted only plotted)

7. Sam Is A Survivor

- Sam is dead. That's it. That's the world. (plotted only)

8. Sam Is Everything

- Gabe finally makes it home!!! 🎉 To his Sam!

I am like spoiling the whole thing but it has veen a while since I touched it so, jt's nice to explore it again/think about it once more. Life just got soooo busy when I was working on it.

Anyways! Have an excerpt because, well, I have a lack of self control!!

(From Chapter 4, the last few hundred words of the WIP)

“I don't owe a traitor anything. All you need to know, dearest little brother: is that you are never getting home. And that I am tired of being nice. I tried my best to give you a happy ending. But, perhaps, I should show you one of the bad endings, hm? Maybe that will make you appreciate my gifts more.”

“Bastard! You know over the millennia, you would think someone would have managed to remove that stick from your ass!” he screams at nothing hearing his own voice echo off the walls, and spiral down the staircase: his true voice is leaking through a bit as well. Ever since Asmodnoues he hasn’t had such good control over it as he used to. Having spent hundreds of years in a vessel had made him a master of control. He doesn’t receive an answer to his quip, feeling the world tilt before it swirls. Melting around him, the walls and ceiling dripping. Feeling as if he is being thrown by an invisible hand he finds himself stumbling into an entirely new environment. His vision swims and he feels his grace flare out around him defensively only for it to be - locked. Not gone. But locked inside of his body. He feels shackles around his wrists and his blazing golden eyes snap to them. There are Enochian runes carved into strange flickering-smokey bracelets. They vanish, but their effect is as strong as ever.

He has been bound. To what, or who, well that’s to be seen. Gabriel flares his wings out feeling them stir the air around him from their incorporeal state. He doesn’t fly. His shoulders slump in defeat and he finally starts to take in where he is. In some kind of grand throne room.. It looks nicer than it had in a long time, there is a strange familiar touch to the layout. Every ruler of Hell loved to reshape the place. Large black-marble columns, very Greek in style around him lining the long-hall. Beneath his feet a plush red carpet was rolled all the way to the base of a massive throne, carved from bone. Human skulls line the top of the throne, placed delicately upon spikes, hollow eye sockets glaring with small red-burning fires in them.

The archangel feels like he has lost the ability to process as his gaze first finds the shining black-dress shoes upon the man sitting in the throne. Gabriel’s eyes reveal the long-blue tail whipping behind him, deep-red spikes lining it, and he can see carefully folded leathery-wings behind his back, the spiked tips blood red while the wings themselves fade from black into a navy blue. Two long-horns protrude from the man’s head of wavy-brown locks spiraling straight up in spires. On earth, these kinds of things would be unseen on the vessel. But not in Hell. Blazing yellow eyes glow as they take in the sight of the archangel, who finally processes the face that bares the sharp-toothed grin being sent his way.

“Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in?”

The Boy King, steps down from the throne of Hell.

[musingsofabookworm1]

April-Early May 2025 Reads

The Bones Beneath My Skin by TJ Klune

This is a book that Klune wrote before Cerulean Sea but was just released earlier this year. It reads differently than his other books. He compares it to an action movie. I agree. I don’t like action movies. However, I did like this book. Klune has a way of making you love unconventional characters that is second to none. 

The book is set in 1995. Protagonist Nate has just lost his parents. Since he and his older brother have no relationship to speak of, he is, essentially, alone. He takes a trip to his family’s summer cabin in Oregon where he comes upon a man named Alex and a little girl who has named herself Artemis Darth Vader. Who is this strange little girl? You’ll find out. It’ll take awhile, but you’ll find out. And you’ll love her no matter what. 

4 stars due to the taking awhile to find out, but if you’re a fan of Klune, don’t delay in picking this one up!

As Bright As Heaven by Susan Meissner 

My  mom actually bought me this historical fiction taking place in Philadelphia in the midst of the Spanish Flu. The Bright family - parents and three daughters - arrive in Philadelphia to start life fresh just as the pandemic arrives. The father works in a funeral home which makes him one of the busiest men in town. There are many subplots besides the pandemic. 

The mother and daughters all narrate the events, and the voices are well done. The daughters are unique and each lovable. Things got a little slow in the middle, but overall, it was engaging. 

4 stars. Well-written. Recommended for historical fiction fans who enjoy well-done multiple narrators. 

I was surprised to find at the end that this was written prior to Covid. I just figured that it was inspired by our own most recent pandemic, but alas, I was wrong! 

Old Habits Die Hard by Melissa Westemeier

Am I a cozy mystery fan? Not really. But when your friend starts a new series, and it piques your interest, you buy it! No questions asked! And I’m glad I did.

You won’t be able to deny an affection for the protagonist once you start reading. Sister Bernadette is a retired nun and former middle school teacher. She lives in a retirement community where the sudden death of a resident spices up the existence of all the other residents who Westemeier convincingly makes suspects. But not Sister Bernie of course. She’s helping out Detective and former student AJ Lewis (my fellow Star Wars aficionado) uncover the to the deceased. 

I have to call it a win when I love a book written in a genre that’s not my typical cup of tea. Great dialog,, fast pace, and solid whodunnit I cannot wait to see what is on tap for Sister Bernie in the next installment!  5 stars. 

Sandwich by Catherine Newman 

Best book of the year so far. If you’re a female reader in your 40s or older, read this book. You will relate to this top-notch narrator.

This book is about 250 pages. I read it in bed on the morning of Good Friday never closing it once. Rocky is on a summer vacation in Cape Cod with her husband, grown children, and her parents. They make this trip every summer. Recent events cause Rocky to remember some of the difficult times in her past. 

The premise is simple, but it’s the life of a lot of women. The trials and tribulations that make up your life and how (peri)menopause hits like a ton of bricks. And how no one in your family can understand that. Rocky’s thoughts and dialog made me laugh out loud about a dozen times and cry twice. 

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. 5 huge stars

The Crash by Freida McFadden

This is better than McFadden’s other books that she cranks out at breakneck speed. 

Protagonist Tegan is eight months pregnant, and her life is a mess. As she nears her due date (from a one-night stand she barely remembers), she decides to spend some time with her brother. The weather has other ideas. She drives straight into a blizzard. Pregnancy brain? No surprise, she crashes. She’s consequently saved by a man who brings her to his home, but the longer she’s there, she’s not sure if she is safe after all. 

Like McFadden’s other books, we see the plot through the eyes of different characters, and events from the past crop up to complicate things.

If you’re a fan of thrillers, this is one is fast and satisfying. 5 stars.

Litani by Jess Lourey

Jess Lourey’s books all kind of feel the same, but they are good. If you’re a fan of her previous novels, you’ll probably enjoy this one as well.

Protagonist Frankie is 14. She’s not seen her mother in years as after her parents divorced, she lived with her father in California. But after her father passes, she returns to the small Minnesota town in the title to live with her busy mother who is the county prosecutor. Frankie learns soon after her arrival of something other children refer to as “The Game.” She can tell right away this is not a fun game. And that’s putting it mildly. 

Fast pace, lovable protagonist, and a satisfying end. 4 stars

Before You Found Me by Brook Beyfuss

Another 5-star read. The end of a solid stretch of books. 

Rowan leaves an abusive relationship. Her parents are long dead. She’s not spoken to her much-older sister in years, and she decides to visit her friend in New England. However, her friend isn’t there. But she does give Rowan permission to stay at her house. There she makes a shocking discovery: the neighbor, Lee, is keeping his eleven-year-old son prisoner in his basement. Rowan decides she must free Gabriel (son). They hatch a plan and set out for Oklahoma to meet up with Celia: Rowan’s estranged sister. But how long can they escape their pasts? 

Another read with lovable characters and an engaging plot. And I didn’t even mind the romance that crept in as much as I usually do! 5 stars

The Third Son by S.E. Green

I bought this cheap ebook since I loved the previous book I read by this author. But this one went way off the rails at the end, and I just felt uncomfortable by the culmination.

Carter Grady is married to his best friend’s widow. He is about to adopt her sons. Life is good. Until he receives a call informing him that a one-night stand from years ago has passed and listed him as the father of her ten-year-old son, Frances. 

To say Frances turns the family situation upside down in an understatement. You can’t possibly imagine the things he does. 

This one was a bit much for me.  2 stars.

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman

As soon as I finished Sandwich I put this book, its predecessor, on hold. It wasn’t as good.

In this short read, we meet Edi and Ash, friends since childhood, when Edi is in hospice for terminal cancer. The hospice is not as near to her family as Edi needs, but it is close to Ash; and Ash takes care of her friend until the end reliving the goods and bads from their nearly life-long friendship.

You know what is going to happen at the end. But that didn’t stop me from sobbing out on my deck on a Sunday afternoon upon finishing. 3 stars

First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston

I’d seen rave reviews for this one,but it was just average for me. This may have been that I started it one weekend, didn’t read much during the week, and finished the following weekend when I had a little trouble recalling some of the fine details from earlier in the plot. 

Evie Porter and her boyfriend, Ryan, seem to be living a pretty goodlife. But Evie Porter is not who she says she is. Evie’s boss (whom she does not know the identify of) is paying her large sums of money to gather every bit of information she can on Ryan. But now Evie is falling for Ryan. Things take an even more unexpected turn when one of Ryan’s old friends and said friend’s girlfriend show up: a twist, if you will. 

Lots of flashbacks with characters who come in and out of play throughout the course of the book. They were all needed for the plot to work, but it just wasn’t the most enjoyable. I did like the ending, but it wasn’t anything special overall. 3 stars

Happy Land by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

This author wrote Take My Hand which was a five-star read. This one fell a little short, but it was still good. 

Nikki has been estranged from her grandmother for many years, but her grandmother unexpectedly calls on her to visit. She’s hoping her grandmother is ready to tell her about the rift between her (grandmother) and Nikki’s mother, but she has some information for Nikki about their family that’s much longer ago than this fight. The title refers to a kingdom in the Carolinas of former slaves whose queen was Nikki’s ancestor. She has a little trouble believing this kingdom, Happy Land, was a real place. 

Family secrets are divulged the more Nikki learns that lead to more present day family history. 

Good writing, good characters, interesting plot. 4 stars

Three Mothers by Hannah Beckerman

At some points during this book, I liked it. Other points felt insanely cliche. 

The first of the three mothers is Abby. Abby lost her husband five years ago. She has two teenaged daughters - Isla and Clio - who could not be more different. Clio feels like she’s living in Isla’s shadows. Next is Abby’s best friend: Nicole. Nicole’s husband is a workaholic. She, too, has two teenagers: sons Jack and Nathaniel. Finally is Jenna. Jenna is a single mom struggling to raise her teenaged son, Callum. Callum is Isla’s boyfriend, and Nathaniel pines after Isla. 

At the beginning of the novel, Isla is killed. The plot jumps back and forth in time and between the three mothers who narrate to uncover what exactly happened with Isla’s untimely death.  Everyone seems like a suspect until the end. At first, the end seemed a little drawn out, but each mother had to say her piece, so to speak, on how the events played out. And all women, even those who are fictional, deserve to share their feelings! 3 stars

[r0mantic-f00l]

Love and Hate

series masterlist

2nd April, 1878

I always had a difficult time distinguishing love and hate.

Even as a child, I didn’t know if I wanted my mother to go away or to stay.

Two sides of the same coin, and people think they’re so very different from each other. There’s a reason why love and hate are on the same coin.

With him, I believed I hated him, with all the strength I had in my heart. And I believed he felt the same.

Though I see now, there was never hatred between us, I don’t think that could ever be possible.

No, there will always be a part of me, a huge part of me I think, that will always need him. I may not want to believe that, but I have to see that it’s mere fact.

I believe he feels the same way. Though it has been some time since I last saw him. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s still breathing. I don’t want to know if he is or isn’t. I don’t know which is worse.

What I do know, is that the last time we saw each other, the last time he looked into my eyes, there was nothing but love there. And if he ever looks into my eyes before the day I die, I know there’ll be nothing but love there again.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Fire crackled, its ember waves dancing amidst the cool night wind whilst the river crashed against the rocks, merciless water rushing from one end to the other.

The rope was beginning to harm your skin, the rough material leaving stubborn red on your wrists. Yet, you never complained, choosing not to utter a single word or to even clear your throat as you watched the boys, as you studied them.

Remus was clearly the leader, that much was made clear from the very first second you came upon them. But he was gentle, acting as if he was harsh and strong, yet when he flinched at the sound of a wolf howling, though a slight flinch, you deduced that his strong front was really an act. After all, he was still just a boy.

James and Sirius were close, you could see. With all their jokes and laughter, their patted shoulders and ruffled hair, they acted like brothers. In fact, you would say they were brothers, if it were not made clear to you by Peter that they were all good friends.

Speaking of the boy, he was quiet. Spoke up every now and then, with a pathetic attempt at a joke, or a weak suggestion, but still, he was quiet. He was like an outsider, like you, who didn’t truly belong to the gang. Like he wasn’t their friend, but merely someone who stuck by them. His gaze would hover over Sirius, who remained oblivious to Peter’s intense stare. At first, you thought it was a gaze full of longing, full of want due to the intensity of it. But you realised quickly that it wasn’t a longing gaze, it was a gaze of jealousy. Whenever Sirius had made the gang laugh, or gasp in admiration, or even when he had spoke French (which you were still confused over) quite easily and dramatically, Peter had looked at him as if it should be him who was admired and loved. You could see it in his cloudy blue eyes - he wanted to be Sirius.

You were distracted by the rope on your wrist when a hand had reached out to give you a metal cup of soup. Glancing up, you saw that hand belonged to the boy you had trusted the least (though you had quite low trust for all of them).

“Take it.” Sirius had grumbled, taking a seat next to you on the floor.

“Kinda hard to.” You gestured towards your wrists, frowning when Sirius had scoffed.

“You’re just going to have to try.”

You huffed, but still took the outreached cup between your hands and brought it up to your lips to take a sip. It was warm and soothing, the tomato flavour reminding you of a time when you would run wild among the fields and come home for supper.

“You’re welcome.” The boy beside you muttered snidely, watching the fire before you.

“You know, you didn’t have to give me it.”

“I did. Remmy forced me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Remmy?”

Sirius sighed. “Remus. You know the brain in your skull? Use it.”

You scoffed, but didn’t respond, taking another sip of your soup before turning back to the fire.

“… I suppose you’re quite happy.”

“Why would I be happy?”

Sirius turned his head to look at you.

“Well, you got to steal money from me, and now you’re in my camp, with my food, and you get to take some more money in a couple of days.”

He huffed, turning his gaze back to the fire before muttering under his breath, “Ought to tie you to a tree.”

You grinned.

“Your fault for making it so easy on me.”

“You know, if I ever have the unfortunate coincidence of running into you after this, I’ll take every bit of money you have and your horse.”

“You could try.”

��And I’ll succeed.”

“Really? Like you did when you tried to get your money back?”

“Please, keep talking, give me a reason to feed you to the wolves.”

You gasped. “You’d do something so horrid to a poor, little woman?”

Sirius scoffed. “You’re no woman.”

“What am I then?”

He kept his gaze on the fire, his eyes stoic whilst his lips curved down.

“A demon.”

You grinned, staring at him.

“Takes one to know one, mister.”

You had took another sip of your soup, your grin growing as Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned back, his arm resting on his propped-up leg.

Silence had fell between you, and even though you tried to ignore it, it brought a comforting feeling deep within your chest. The night sky, the fire, the warm soup and smell of grass and trees creating a calming atmosphere.

You thought back to what Peter had revealed to you earlier.

“Usually, he’s the one stealing from everyone, damn if he’s not the most talented person I know at robbing. Takes stuff without the person even knowing.”

Sirius had many opportunities to dip his hand in your pockets, to swipe the rusted silver pocket-watch from your belt, to take your gun from your holster and leave before you knew it. You were deep at risk of becoming another one of his victims, yet you weren’t. And you knew it wasn’t because you were better than him. Although you’d like to believe different, you knew the talent Sirius Black had, the reputation he had garnered for himself was greater than yours. He didn’t just have sticky fingers, he was like a black mist - coming when you least expect it, and taking what you wouldn’t know was took, not until it was too late.

So you looked at him, and his hard-set frown.

“Why didn’t you rob me?”

“Huh?”

You gazed into his eyes, which turned soft for a split second as if forgetting the inner feeling of hatred.

“Why didn’t you rob me? Back in the bar, when you had plenty opportunity to?”

His eyes remained on yours for a little longer before he shrugged and turned back to the fire.

“I’m a gentleman, I don’t steal from ladies.”

“But I thought I was a demon?” You grinned when he ran his hand over his face.

“You know what I mean.”

You thought back to another thing Peter had said, your memory all of a sudden become clear.

“Well, miss, his prime target is pretty women like yourself.”

However, you chose to remain quiet. You knew that if you were to keep asking him why, why, why, he would not answer any of your questions, not to your satisfaction anyway.

So you sat there, your forgotten soup turning cold as you watched the same fire Sirius watched, and you pondered amongst yourself why he remained there by your side, silent and stubborn, and not by the side of his dear friends who were lost in conversation. You chalked it up to merely keeping an eye on you, making sure that you would not escape amidst the dark night. Yet, as you felt your eyes dropping whilst you rested your head on the ground, trying your best to ignore the rope digging into your wrists, you expected Sirius to kill you. To shoot you, stab you. He had the perfect opportunity.

Yet, you woke up the next morning, alive and well, and still right next to sleeping Sirius Black.

[myriadxofxmuses]

"I'm always interested in a possible fling," Silas told her. "And one out of three ain't bad odds," he added playfully.

Gage didn't hold back the chuckle at his friend's remarks. Silas may play the player well, he knew he was just as soft as Gage when it came to women. Although both men had no trouble picking them up, their status enough pull for any groupie to try and settle down with, but Gage was worse at keeping his attachment in check - usually falling hard and fast.

"Yea?" he asked with surprise.

However he wasn't sure why he was so shocked. Why wouldn't she want to meet his family? He knew there was tension between her and her folks so he never pushed to meet hers, but this was the natural course of a relationship. Even if his life was a little different due to his career choice, he at least believed this was the next step and he couldn't have been more excited to go through with it - which was an unfamiliar yet welcomed feeling.

"Well, they'll be in town Friday," he told her. "Wanna come with me to pick then up fron the airport. I know my sister s'been dying to meet you," he told her happily.

------

Gage and Molly made their way through the airport to pick up his mom and sister, their flight recently delayed. His nervousness was overwhelmed by his excitement and he was barely able to contain himself. He didn't care how long he had to wait. His family was finally going to meet Molly.

He linked their hands together as they walked, only letting his grip slip from hers when some fans stopped him for autographs. He switched hands and did his best to quickly take photos and sign whatever was shoved his way - all while keeping hold of her and continuing on to their destination.

"You're gonna love them," he told Molly in her ear, hugging her from behind once they made it to the terminal.

He watched as the passengers deboarded, his excitement growing almost overwhelmingly - enough that he cared little for the paparazzi snapping photos of all the celebrities coming and going at LAX. He and Molly included. But he didn't care. He'd never brought anyone home to meet the family before, even if they weren't technically home, so this was huge for him. And it wasn't until Celeste's voice rang out that he let his grip around Molly slip away.

"Rage Gage!" Celeste shouted out, the siblings crashing into a hug.

Gage hugged her tightly and lifted her off the ground with a small growl of joy. It had been over a year since he'd been able to reunite with them and he missed his family so much. His sister was followed shortly by his mother, who he gave just as enthusiastic of a hug though quite a bit less aggressively.

"Mom. Cell. This, is Molly," he introduced as he brought them over, a smile beaming from ear to ear.

"So you're Molly. The one who's been dominating our conversations," Celeste said, giving her a once over with a smirk. "My brother won't shit the fuck up about you," she added honestly with playfulness.

"It's so nice to meet you finally," his mom chimed in pulling Molly in for a hug. "Don't mind Celeste," she added as they parted. "She's just protective of her brother and hasn't seen him this smitten before."

Gage nervously chuckled and ran a hand over the back of his neck in a feeble attempt to work through the embarrassment his family was now forcing upon him. Molly was special to him, but they were just airing it out as if it was public knowledge.

"O-kay," he cut in, going back to grab Molly's hand. "Now that you've both thoroughly embarrassed me..." he said with another chuckle, desperately wanting to move on. "...let's go get your bags and head back to my place. We don't want to give the paps anymore fuel for gossip than what they already have," he added.

"Happily taken," Gage mumbled to her in agreement, giving her one more quick kiss.

Silas scrunched his face at their adoration for each other. "Ugh. Gag me," he playfully countered. "I don't know how you do it,' he added, shaking off the good feelings that seemed to be emanating from the couple. "I could never be that sweet with someone. Yuck. But you managed to tame the beast with it, so congrats," he continued with a smirk, tipping his beer her way before taking a drink. "So. Where're these friends?" he went on flawlessly, glancing around the party.

Gage chuckled and drank his beer. Silas would learn one day that quality actually was better than quantity. He just needed the right girl to show him. Like Molly had shown him. He knew it would happen when his friend least expected it to. Maybe one of Molly's options would be the one. Doubtful, but there was always hope.

"Hey! When you finally fall, you're gonna fall hard. And I can't wait to see," Gage told him with a smirk, drinking - unaware of the insinuation of his words.

The party was going great. As usual. Gage hadn't been lying when he told Molly she'd be privy to some amazing parties. While they'd attended an after party for the premiere, it was nothing like a Turner shindig. The only differencr this time was that he wanted nothing more than to shut it down so he could be alone with her.

"Good thing I'm not looking to do that. Besides I'm going home in a couple weeks. There would be no point in looking for the one," he told him, drinking. "Speaking of, aren't you heading to see the fam soon too? You bringing the little lady home to meet Sissy?" he asked with a knowing smirk Molly's way.

"Actually I'm not going back this year," he admitted. "They're coming here and I am planning in introducing them," he continued, hugging her slightly closer. "Long as that's ok with you," he added, looking her way.

@lostxones

[gridgirldrabbles]

The Reunion

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Y/N

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: crash, angst, fluff

A/N: anon I hope you like this! It got way longer than I expected and I was so obsessed with this idea I literally just sat and wrote it for nearly two hours so I hope I did it justice! As always, feedback is appreciated! I’m still taking requests so feel free to send them over <3

‘Charles, I just don’t know…’ You trailed off biting your lip as you spoke down the phone to one of your best friends.

‘Y/N, come on, just because you’re not with Pierre doesn’t mean you’re not still one of my best friends.’ Charles had replied. You’d been on the phone with him for the past twenty minutes, with him trying to convince you to fly out to the race next weekend, all expenses paid for of course, while you’d been teetering on the edge of a decision.

‘I just don’t know if I’m ready to see him yet.’ Him. Pierre. You had broken up a few months ago due to the distance causing a strain in your relationship, the time between the two of you seeing each other getting longer as the race season went on. You hadn’t seen him since the night you had both agreed to part way.

You were both stood in your shared apartment where you’d lived for the past year, in Milan of course so Pierre wouldn’t have to relocate. It was hours before he was set to leave for another race, with his schedule looking so busy that it was unlikely the two of you would see each other in the next month.

The thoughts had been plaguing you the last few times he had left you in the unfamiliar city, away from your family and most of your friends. Of course you’d made new friends when you’d moved and the friends Pierre had in the area had been nothing but welcoming to you, but you missed your best friends terribly.

You were currently stood in the kitchen, arms wrapped around his middle with tears slowly dripping down your face while Pierre whispered sweet nothings into your hair, ‘I promise it won’t feel too long’, ‘it’ll go by so quickly’, ‘you’ll be back in my arms before you know it, ma belle’. His words did little to comfort you, knowing how quickly the time would pass for him focusing on his races. But for you, the time dripped by like a leaky tap. Slowly. Repetitively. You were so lonely here and all you wanted was to have your love with you all the time. The three bed apartment felt huge when you were on your own. Table always set for two while only one set was used. Pierre’s side of the wardrobe untouched while he was away. It was like you were holding on to a lost love the way you were living your life. You knew it was now or never.

‘Pierre, I don’t think I can do this anymore.’ You whispered into his chest. You felt his breath hitch in his throat as his sweet nothings faded into silence.

‘Mon amour, what are you talking about?’ He pulled himself away from you to look into your face, seeing the sadness that had settled behind your eyes.

You squeezed your eyes shut. You couldn’t back out now. You couldn’t feel like this anymore.

‘I can’t do this anymore. I can’t only have you by my side for four days every few weeks before you have to go back to work. I can’t deal with us having to work around so many different time zones. I can’t keep living like this. I’m so lonely, Pierre.’ At this point the tears had already started to stream down your face, your breathing becoming jagged as you forced the painful words out of your throat.

‘How long have you been thinking about this? Why didn’t you tell me?’ His own eyes were filled with tears while his mind was screaming at him for not noticing how awful you were feeling. His hands rested on your shoulders, his eyes glued to your face while yours were glued to the floor, not having the strength to look him in the eye and then go back on your decision.

‘A while.’ You whispered.

The conversation went from there, with you telling Pierre how much you were missing home, your friends, your family. Tears were shed on both sides, followed by long silent hugs. Neither of you had wanted to break up but you both felt it was for the best, it was clear you needed time to heal from how low you had been feeling.

He had left that evening with his bags in his hands, tears in his eyes and the thought in his head that you weren’t going to be there when he got back. His heart was broken, he kept kicking himself thinking that he could’ve prevented it, should’ve tried harder to make you come to races, made more of an effort to come home and see you.

That was six months ago, and it was clear that you’d made progress, reverting back to yourself as you spent time around the people you loved and threw yourself into your work. But here you were now, Charles on the phone begging you to come to a race to see him.

‘Y/N, I’ve not seen you in months! Please come and see me, I promise you won’t see him.’ You could virtually hear his pout through the phone.

‘Charles, he’s literally one of your best friends. You’re telling me that you won’t see him for a whole weekend just because I’m coming to visit?’ A frown had planted itself on your face as you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth. ‘I just don’t think it feels right.’

‘I promise, you can stay with me and Carlos the whole time, you’ll only be in the Ferrari garage, and I’ll even get you a Ferrari shirt to wear so you fit right in. Plus, Charlotte will be here as well, she really wants to see you!’ A small smile spread over your lips. He really was good at persuasion.

A sigh left your lips, ‘Fine.’ You heard him cheer as you agreed to his plan, planning on flying down on the Wednesday so that you could have a day together before Charles had to get into the car.

A few weeks later you had touched down in Monaco, the gorgeous sun beating down on you as you left the airport to find Charles and Charlotte waiting for you outside. You and Charlotte had always gotten on well when you were with Pierre and you’d stayed in touch after the breakup, so it was expected when she squealed and ran straight over to you, enveloping you in a tight hug.

‘Y/N, I’ve missed you so much! I’ve got so much planned for us to do this weekend!’ She excitedly told you as she dragged you and your small suitcase towards the car and Charles, who also wrapped you up into his arms before lifting you off the floor, making all three of you laugh.

Charlotte wasn’t lying when she said she had the whole weekend planned out, virtually to the minute, before you flew back home on Monday, hoping for some celebratory partying if Charles’ race went well on Sunday. There was a small part of you that thought maybe it was to keep the thought of your proximity to Pierre out of your mind, and you would’ve liked to keep it that way. That was until Saturday.

Charlotte and yourself had missed the practices sessions on Friday, wanting to spend some girly time together and have a proper catch up without any boys around. While you may have both been nursing a slight hangover while you walked onto the paddock on Saturday, both of you in sunglasses and caps to ease your headaches, you still showed up with bright smiles on your faces to support Charles in qualifying.

You were getting closer to the Ferrari garage, proudly wearing you bright red shirt, when you spotted him. He was stood outside the Alpha Tauri hospitality centre talking to an interviewer, a laugh escaping his mouth at something they had said. He looked gorgeous, as always. A backwards cap sat on his soft hair, his blue eyes twinkling in the soft sunlight, his blue and white team shirt fitting snuggly on his body.

Suddenly your own shirt became uncomfortable as the realisation came across you. You had never worn another teams shirt before, always donning one of Pierre’s when you would accompany him to the track. You two would get teased relentlessly for your matching outfits but there was nothing they could say that would keep the grins off of your faces when you looked at each other, admiration and love sparkling in both your eyes.

You hadn’t realised your pace had slowed, like your body subconsciously wanted to keep him in your eyesight for as long as possible.

‘Y/N? What’s wrong?’ By this point Charles had joined you, which you hadn’t noticed, mesmerised by how good Pierre was looking, and the ache in your chest that told you how much you had missed him. Both he and Charlotte followed your eyeline until they realised what, or rather who, had caught your attention.

Before you could do anything, Charles was blocking your sight while Charlotte dragged you forward.

‘You said you didn’t want to see him, remember?’ She grasped your hand lightly, reassuringly. She knew how badly you had taken the breakup, she had spent countless hours facetiming you while you cried about how much you missed him and how you thought you might have made a mistake.

You shook your head, ‘I was just surprised that’s all.’ You quickly put a smile back onto your face, not wanting her to worry, ‘Now let’s go and support your man.’ You both giggled and made your way to the back of the garage while Charles got himself ready to get behind the wheel.

If you were being honest you didn’t really take much notice of either cherry red car during qualifying, your eyes were constantly searching for the car supporting a little number 10 on the side. You thought you were over him. You really did. There was no way in hell that you would have agreed to come if you thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it. You only snapped out of your trance when Charlotte squealed. Charles had managed to secure pole position, which you were of course thrilled by, he was one of your closest friends after all. But you couldn’t stop your eyes from drifting down the leader board. P5. Your heart jumped in your chest, P5! You could already see it in your mind how Pierre would be reacting when he got out of the car, and it made your pulse race and your smile widen.

The next twenty four hours went by in a blur, your mind glued to the Frenchman while you tried to pay as much attention to Charles and Charlotte as possible, they had been the ones to invite you after all. Before you knew it you were back in the garage, heart racing as the grand prix was about to start in a few moments time. Your stomach lurched as all twenty cars flew off from their grid spots. It had never been your favourite part, and Pierre had always made fun of how jittery you got with all cars so close together.

For the most part the race went well, Charles had managed to hold on to his P1 position, constantly fighting with Verstappen for the front spot. Pierre had made his way up to P4 and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. You had always been like this watching Pierre race, equal parts nervous and excited, and that was all doubled when he was so close to the front of the track.

It wasn’t until lap 38 that Perez made a mistake that allowed Pierre to close the gap between them to mere tenths of a second and you knew that he was going to try to make a move. You held your breath as you watch him try to take the outside line which around this track was an undoubtedly brave move. You could see his outside front wheel clip the barrier before his car started to spin rapidly, throwing itself into the barrier on the other side. It definitely wasn’t pretty. Parts of the car lay spread across the track as a red flag was waved immediately.

The whole garage went silent as Charlotte turned to you with wide eye, ‘Y/N, it’s going to be okay I promise.’ But before she had even finished her sentence you were out of your seat and sprinting out of the garage. Through bleary eyes and panicked breaths, you had managed to find the medical tent where they would undoubtedly check him for injuries and concussion.

It felt like hours passed before there was any movement at the entrance of the tent where you had been pacing, but realistically it had only been mere minutes since you’d bolted out of the Ferrari garage. You held your breath as you waited to see the damage, only to see Pierre walk in on his own two feet. The emotion that had rapidly built up in the past few minutes released itself into a sob which drew his attention, his eyes raising to meet yours as your hands moved to cover your mouth.

His eyes widened, ‘Y/N?’ He stuttered, almost not having time to process the fact that you were stood in front of him before you were throwing your arms around his neck, not being able to control the sobs and ragged breaths that were escaping you. Pierre winced, but nevertheless wrapped his arms around your waist, breathing in your scent as he allowed his eyes to flutter shut. The fact he had just lost out on P4 immediately slipped out of his mind.

‘I thought something awful had happened to you.’ You sniffled into his neck, small hiccups now making their way out your throat as you calmed yourself down.

‘Hey, hey, I’m okay. I promise I’m alright.’ He took your face into his hands, his thumbs sweeping beneath your eyes to collect the tears that had pooled there. A small smile graced his features, albeit a pained one, but you could tell it held many emotions. You unconsciously leaned yourself into his hands, just as you had done many times before.

‘I didn’t even know you were here.’ He muttered.

‘Charles and Charlotte invited me; I’ve not seen them for a while because… you know.’ You shrugged sheepishly as he withdrew his hands, like you both suddenly realised you hadn’t been dating for the past six months. A thought flashed through Pierre’s head that he needed to have a conversation with Charles about this later. His best friend knew how in love with you Pierre still was but wasn’t even going to tell him that you were here? He was definitely going to get it when he saw him later.

Your eyes met properly for the first time, and you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching out to touch the already forming bruise on his right cheekbone. He winced slightly under your touch but leaned into it nonetheless. It felt comfortable and familiar for you both, exactly what you had both needed.

Before you knew it you were enveloped into his arms, both of you ignoring the fact that you hadn’t spoken a word to each other since that night in Milan, this is what you both wanted. You had always gravitated to each other, even before you were dating. When you were friends you always seemed to be sat next to each other at the dinner table even when there was a large group of you going out. When you were dating it was hard for you to stay apart when you were in the same country, hands always close enough to be touching even before you had gone public with your relationship. Even now, six months after the end of your relationship, tangled up in each other’s arms.

‘Um, excuse me Mr. Gasly? The doctor would really like to see you just to check you over.’ The medical assistance awkwardly spoke into the silent room, causing the two of you to break away from each other sharpish, a blush settled across your cheeks.

‘Will you wait here for me? I promise I won’t take very long.’ Pierre’s hand had travelled down to your own, grasping it between his significantly larger fingers. You had always loved how small your hands looked in comparison to his. You even remember flirting with him by comparing hand sizes a few weeks before he officially asked you to be his girlfriend.

Your thumb rubbed along the back of his hand, a soft smile gracing your features, ‘Yeah, of course I will.’ You took a seat in the waiting room and pulled out your phone.

Charlotte <3

Y/N are you okay???

I’m sorry

Can you please text me so I know you’re okay?

I’m going to wait here for C bc I know he’ll be worried about Pierre

Love you <3

You replied to her messages, telling her that you were okay and that you were with Pierre. You updated her on his situation as well, knowing Charles would be demanding to know how his best friend was as soon as he had both feet out the car.

Pierre was back in front of you before you knew it, holding out his hand for you to take, which of course you did. It felt so natural for the two of you to be like this walking through the paddock.

‘I see you fashion sense has declined since we were together.’ Pierre chuckled, looking at your bright red shirt that was beginning to match the colour of your face as you laughed along with him.

‘I’m Charles’ guest this time and it’s his home race, it felt appropriate.’ You shrugged before he opened the door to his drivers room, letting you walking in first like the gentleman he had always been. You thank him, ducking past before awkwardly standing in the middle of the room.

What are you meant to say to the person you’re sure is the love of your life, who you desperately regret breaking up with?

‘I really miss you.’ That would’ve been a good place for you to start but Pierre had beaten you to it. A sigh escaped your lips as your hands travelled through your hair, pushing it out of your face.

‘I really miss you too, Pierre.’ Smiles settled on both of your faces as you gravitated towards each other once again. Pierre could see how much happier you were now, the glow that you had held for the majority of your relationship gracing you once again. The way you carried yourself was more confident and you looked just as gorgeous as you always did to him.

It didn’t take long for your lips to be locked together. Every time you had imagined your reunion you had imagined it to be hot and heavy, but it wasn’t. It was slow. It was romantic. It held all the words that you both wanted to say but knew didn’t have to be said out loud.

‘Can I take you on a date tonight?’ He whispered as he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours as you both kept your eyes closed, ‘Just to talk about us and everything we’ve missed.’

You thought it was impossible for your smile to get any bigger but Pierre managed to prove you wrong. ‘I guess one date would be okay.’ You teased, your arms pulling his lips back to yours. You knew it wouldn’t be easy but you were so sure that Pierre was your forever person, you couldn’t let long distance stand in the way of that. One little date led to many, which led to you being flown out to races every other week and you both making as much time for each other as possible. It was hard. It was tiring. But no feeling could compare to how Pierre met you at the airport every single time with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers you’d ever seen, or how you welcomed him home with a home cooked meal and a candlelit bath when he had to stay away for a couple of weeks. When you both put the effort in it was clear that it could work, and you were both happier than ever. That was why, a year after your reunion, Pierre had started to carry around a diamond ring in his pocket, waiting for the perfect moment to ask you to be his wife.

[messers-moony]

Nothing Left | R.B

Paring: Regulus Black X Wife!Gryffindor!Reader

Summary: Everything crashes within seconds and Sirius doesn’t know where to go. 

Everything went downhill so fucking fast. How was that even possible? Everything was perfectly fine a year ago, but it seems that within that year, everything had collapsed onto the helpless boy. It was like being beneath a crumbling concrete tower that fell with no warning. Like being slapped in the face unexpectedly. Like getting doused in freezing water on a Sunday morning. 

In retrospect, it sucked. 

Sirius Black would know first hand. His entire life had been a screw-up from the beginning. It started with his parents, who - at the start - loved him. But when he turned out to be the child they never wanted all that love had vanished. They tortured him, broke him piece by piece, they built up trauma that took years for him to express to his friends. It wasn’t until third year when they heard him crying alone in his four-poster bed and asked what was wrong. He could remember the comforting embrace James Potter had given him. 

Nevertheless, it never ended there. The summer going into his sixth year, Sirius decided it was enough after too many Cruciatus Curses and body binding curses; enough was enough. His hands were trembling after enduring just ten minutes of the torture curse, and it was a struggle, but he packed everything he could. His heart broke at inevitably leaving his little brother behind. He could only hope that Regulus would understand. 

It took a Knight Bus trip to the Potter residence in Godric’s Hollow. The sky could’ve resembled how Sirius felt. Back at Grimmauld Place Twelve, the sky was always cloudy and rainy. Godric’s Hollow allowed the sun to shine past the fluffy clouds, but tonight was different. The sky was dark and thick, black clouds covered the stars. Rain poured from them, and it pittered on the stone roads. Sirius was instantly drenched when he stepped off the Knight Bus. 

Hesitantly he made his way to the door, where he knocked softly. The house was two stories and was a relatively big family home - not bigger than Grimmauld Place - but an average family home. The house was a mixture of grey, dark purples, and brown. It reminded Sirius of Remus’ patched jumpers. Sirius could hear movement from behind the plum door, and it opened to reveal a familiar face. James Potter with his messy hair, hazel eyes, and long limbs. James was muscular, but he was also tall, not Remus tall but taller than Sirius. 

James didn’t speak and ushered him inside. The following morning at breakfast, Euphemia - Mrs. Potter - had given Sirius the excellent news of his new forever home. The Potters would never forget the way Sirius lit up and how a smile had taken over his face. Sirius didn’t remember being this happy except for when Regulus was born. 

But his forever home was not forever. 

In seventh year, James’ parents had died, and nobody had comforted Sirius except one person who attempted. James had Lily, and that was enough for him. Perhaps it was selfish to think that James should be comforting him. It was definitely selfish. Sirius was doing really good at hiding how he felt until he crumbled behind a tapestry near the dungeons. 

Sirius didn’t know if it was good or bad luck that Regulus - his prefect Slytherin brother - had found him behind that tapestry. Regulus had pulled back the fabric slowly with his wand lit. His face had softened at his older brother sobbing with his knees to his chest. Regulus allowed his wand light to extinguish before sitting in front of him in the same position, allowing their socks to touch at the tips. 

They sat there for a couple of minutes before Regulus moved closer, albeit hesitantly to sit beside Sirius. Regulus had his back against the concrete, and Sirius curled up onto him while the younger Black brother rubbed his older brother's back. Sirius cried harder and harder. It took an hour before he subdued to sniffles and whimpers, but Regulus took it as his time to speak. 

“I know they meant a lot to you,” Regulus stated, still rubbing his older brothers back, “And I don’t blame you for grieving them.”

Sirius sniffled, “I ought to be grateful for them, really.” Regulus released a sound that sounded like a chuckle, but it was so foreign to Sirius he couldn’t tell, “They kept you safe. Kept you away from mother and father. They gave you a home where you could finally be you.”

“And no matter how mad I want to be at them for taking you away from me,” Regulus admitted, “I just can’t be because they gave you everything you wanted, and I’ve never seen you happier in my life.”

Regulus didn’t stop talking, “You know… I- I found my own James Potter.”

Sirius looked up at Regulus with flushed cheeks, but his facial expression was baffled, and Regulus presented him with a small smile, “Okay, maybe she isn’t my ‘James Potter’ per se because I don’t see her as a sister but rather she’s my girlfriend.”

“What’s- What’s her name?” Sirius croaked; his throat was so raw from crying. 

“Y/n L/n.”

“A- A Gryffindor?”

Regulus made that sound again, “Yeah. A stupidly brave one too. Even worse.”

Sirius smiled, “I know her.”

“Don’t tell me she was one of your conquests.” Regulus grimaced, and Sirius chuckled, snuggling back into Regulus’ chest, “No, she wasn’t. It turns out she has the hots for the other Black brother.”

Regulus smiled, and they allowed the silence of the castle to consume them. It was dark in the corridor on the other side of the tapestry, and Regulus could see the faint moonlight peaking out. He could also imagine the stars glittering beautifully in the midnight sky. He could see the star Sirius shining brighter than ever, and he just wanted his brother to feel the same. 

“I plan to marry her.” Regulus said before he could stop the words from falling from his mouth.

“What happens then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mother and father will never approve.”

Regulus scoffed, “I’m done with their bullshit and have been for quite a while.”

Sirius met his brother's eyes again, “I left right after you. It turns out there is no more heir to the Black family name.”

The older Black brother smiled brightly and tightened his grip on his younger brother. Regulus couldn’t remember feeling this warm since they were little boys running around the backyard. Sirius was practically on top of him, and that was okay. For now, everything seemed okay again. Maybe Euphemia and Fleamont were gone, but even in their deaths, they managed to benefit Sirius’ life. 

Now it all seemed fruitless. 

Only a couple of months later, Sirius and Regulus had gotten into a huge kerfuffle. It ended with screaming, raw throats, tears, and flushed cheeks. Sirius could remember how Regulus playfully mocked his and Remus’ relationship. He didn’t know exactly what happened, just that he was pouncing for his little brother, and Remus was holding him back. Sirius had yelled some very awful things that he couldn’t take back. 

She hadn’t done anything. She didn’t even know that an argument had happened. Y/n had been reading in the common room when the book was flung out of her hand, and she was pushed against the stone wall of the Gryffindor Tower. Y/n met eyes with stormy grey ones, not unlike her lovers, but these weren’t her lovers. These were his elder brother's eyes, and he had lifted her off the floor against the wall until James had pulled Sirius off her. 

Y/n hit the floor with a thud and repeatedly coughed, hands on her throat. James had stormed into the boy's dormitory with Sirius with him. She didn’t even understand what was happening not until she met up with Regulus in the prefect dorm, and he saw the marks on her neck. Sirius had taken it too far, and Regulus was furious. They were no longer on speaking terms. 

Now Sirius had someone entirely different to grieve. 

Sirius had felt like his heart hit the floor when he was forced to move out of James’ house with Lily due to Harry being born. Remus had moved away to take care of his sick mother and asked for privacy. The funds that had previously been in Sirius’ account had been squandered, and now he was paying the price. 

He had absolutely nowhere to go. Truthfully, there was one place he could go, but he didn’t think he’d ever be accepted there. He had said unforgivable things, but James had given him enough confidence that it would be okay. Reluctantly, Sirius Black took the Knight Bus to the suburbs in London. The community felt so modern and new. It was different then Godric’s Hollow which had been around for so many years that it began to weather and erode. 

The deja vu was hitting him like a brick. Their house was a mixture of grey, black, white, and maybe blue - Sirius couldn’t tell in the darkness if it was white or pale blue. Perhaps he’d find out tomorrow if he was even welcomed inside. Sighing and shivering, Sirius knocked on the door. He could hear little squeals of delight that sounded much like a child. He also heard talking, but he froze when the door opened. 

Regulus Black, at the age of twenty-two, looked good. His hair was to his jaw, and it was wavy at the ends, whereas Sirius’ was much more straight. His eyes had turned silver over the years. His cheeks looked much fuller, and he looked a lot better. Regulus was no longer looked underweight, but he was still slim and skinny. Black family genes, Sirius supposed. Sirius couldn’t meet his brother's eyes. 

“What do you want, Sirius.” 

His name falling from Regulus’ mouth instead of a nickname hurt more than he expected, “I had nowhere else to go…”

Regulus scoffed, “James finally kick you out, eh?”

“Yeah, he did.” Sirius sounded so distant, “Perhaps it was about time, and here I am, at your doorstep.”

“Come on, Sirius.” Regulus motioned for him to come in, and Sirius did. 

The house was much cozier inside. The floors were dark wood, almost black. The living room - on Sirius’ left - was a darker turquoise color with grey furniture. The dining room - on Sirius’ right - was a light grey. The furniture was a marble table, white wood chairs with cushions, and a beautiful light fixture. Regulus led him to the kitchen, which was straight ahead in the hallway. 

It was a beautiful mint green color with black and white furniture. The appliances were primarily black and the furniture primarily white, but regardless, it was beautiful. They had another table in the kitchen that was a grey wood instead of the shiny marble in the dining room but nevertheless screamed elegance. Sirius sat at one of the barstools at the L of the counter. Regulus slid him a cup of tea. 

“Your house is beautiful.” Sirius complimented, and Regulus placed the cup back into the saucer, “Thank you. My wife picked everything out for the most part. I either built it or painted it.” Regulus smiled. 

“Your wife?”

Regulus hummed, “Y/n Black. Ring any bells?”

Sirius swallowed, “Yeah.”

They both took a sip of tea, “I have two kids too. Both boys.”

“Two?!“ Sirius nearly spat out the liquid he had just taken a sip of. 

“Twins. Fraternal, thankfully.”

He placed the cup down, “What’re their names?“

“Perseus Regulus Black and Leo Alphard Black.”

“Perseus and Leo, huh?“

Regulus blushed, “It wasn’t my idea. It was Y/n’s.”

“I like them,” Regulus looked up at him, “The names. I’m sure they fit them too.”

“Thanks.”

It wasn’t long until footsteps began to echo coming down the steps. Y/n had grown up too. Her face was sharper and her curves more defined. If Sirius was honest, she didn’t look like she had kids at all. To be fair, he wasn’t really staring at Y/n but more so his brother. Regulus had a starstruck expression as his wife walked towards him. He had a dopey smile on his face and stars in his eyes. Regulus really loved her, and Sirius could tell, hell, anyone could. 

Y/n stopped in her tracks at seeing Sirius, “What’s he doing here?” 

Regulus placed an arm around her waist, “He came looking for a place to stay. While I was waiting for you, I decided to catch up with him for a little.”

Sirius looked guilty, “Ultimately, I’m leaving this decision up to you.” 

Y/n sighed and looked at both brothers. She thought of what he did back at Hogwarts. She thought of how Regulus had cried and ached for his brother, wishing for their relationship to be back the way it was. She thought of her two children who always asked about their Uncle Sirius, who was never around. 

“Sirius,” Y/n began, and Sirius held his breath, “Where will you go if I were to say no?”

Sirius looked at his lap, “The streets.”

He couldn’t hear the footsteps that approached him until soft hands lifted his head where he met soft e/c eyes, “I’m willing to look past everything that happened at Hogwarts for the sake of my children. They deserve their uncle. But I need you to show me that I can trust you and that you won’t cause trouble.”

“I’ll do anything.” Sirius complied, and Regulus smirked, “Don’t say that. She’ll have you remodel something.”

“You’re an asshole.” Y/n whirled, and Regulus continued to smirk, “I told you to use magic, and you said we should do it the Muggle way.”

He shrugged, “We got good memories out of doing it the Muggle way.”

“If getting paint all over me counts as good memories, then sure.”

“It does.” Regulus smiled, “Your face was priceless.”

“Dickhead.” She muttered. 

Sirius grinned, “Well, Sirius. If Y/n lets you stay, then you’re welcome here. What I did back at Hogwarts was uncalled for, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mocked you and Remus.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is.” Regulus countered solemnly, “Had I not done that; then we could’ve had a better relationship. For that, I’m sorry.”

Sirius stood up and hugged Regulus tight, “New beginnings?”

“New beginnings.” Regulus smiled. 

Regulus led Sirius up the wooden stairs up to the second story. It seemed to have had four bedrooms and two bathrooms, one in the master bedroom, one in the hallway, not including the one downstairs. On the end of the left side was a door leading to the master bedroom. On the right end was a cabinet and two doors across from one another. Then in the middle of the back was a door leading to another bedroom which Regulus had opened. 

The bedroom was spotless and beautiful. It was painted a grey with purple undertone with a queen-sized bed. Most of the furniture was white, and the bedding was black. Sirius had brought his trunk to its normal size and placed it at the end of the bed. Regulus smiled as Sirius looked around. 

“This is yours for as long as you want it.” Regulus stated softly snd Sirius had tears in his eyes, “Thank you.”

Sirius hugged his brother again, “I really mean it, thank you.”

“I love you, Sirius.” Regulus confessed, “You’ll always be my brother. The one who held me during thunderstorms. The one who sewed up my teddy bear when it had gotten ripped. The one who took the blame so I wouldn’t get punished.”

Sirius was gripping the back of his shirt tightly, “That stuff doesn’t just go away.”

They parted, and Regulus smiled, “Get some sleep. I’m sure you’d like to see the boys tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’d like to meet my nephews.” Sirius admitted smiling brightly. 

“Get some sleep, Siri.” 

“You too, Reggie.”

[cloudinterlude]

Would you like to describe the personality of Howard Stark? And understand what kind of person he really is. I think he is hiding behind a mask... (sorry, english is not my native language)

Hi! First of all, no need for apologies, I get what you're asking! <3 <3 Long post ahead!

So, as it is known, I really like Howard for similar reasons why I like Tony. They're scarily similar and I can never stop thinking how much Tony would not like to hear that. I have a few Howard posts where I describe what I think of him here, here, and here mainly. Anyways, onwards!

See, there are different Howards to consider here. The one we see in CATFA and Agent Carter and the one we hear about from Tony, Fury, ect. I like talking about Agent Carter Howard the most because he's just so interesting.

Is he wearing a mask to hide his true emotions? The fastest answer is yes, but I think it's more complicated than that. It's that questions (something I sometime apply to Tony as well) "How long does it take for the mask become who you truly are?" Because there reaches a point where the person you constantly project isn't just a coverup. I think Howard's bravado, occasionally asshole-ish ways, womanizing, deceit, ect - all those less savory aspects are a piece of who he is, but it's not all he is of course. He has a ton of great qualities, usually shown in his friendships.

I've said before that I think Howard is an incredibly fractured character. I think he knows exactly what he's feeling most of the time, but never knows how to deal with the emotions he feels. He's obsessive to the point of self-destruction, and when he does self-destruct (or ends up hurting other people), he feels incredible amounts of guilt that never fully goes away. Instead, he uses that guilt to fuel his next project that will surely fix all his problems (until it actually ends up causing more messes).

I don't want to woobify Howard because I don't think that's what's going on with him. I do think he shield his emotions from others - not really from himself, but he does dampen them. I don't think Howard knows how to process heavy amounts of feelings in a proper way. Unless he's cornered, run down and essentially forced to. And he does have a few vulnerable moments we see in Agent Carter. When Peggy confronts him about lying about Steve's blood (he breaks down, basically declares his love for Steve, and talks about how deceit is how he was able to get anywhere due to his origins), when the villain captures him and threatens to blow New York to shreds (he tells them that they can do whatever they want to him and begs them to leave innocent people out of it), when we hear about what happened when the military got their hands on his failed experiment (he punches the guy in charge and locks up all his more dangerous inventions), the plane scene (Howard feels immense guilt over Steve crashing and dying, and desperately wants to find him and bring him home). These are all moments of genuineness we get from him...albeit moments where there is no other option but to be vulnerable. Regardless, this is 1000% mask off, last ditch effort Howard and I love that.

Of course there's like, an incredibly huge gap between Agent Carter Howard and the Howard we hear and see from Tony, Fury, ect. I suspect that Howard did undergo a pretty dark change in how he conducted himself sue to various things...starting with being the head of SHIELD during the end of WW2-Cold War. Could you imagine? Lol. And we already established that Howard doesn't deal with guilt well. In fact, I'd say that when it came to him taking "necessary sacrifices" he probably shut down his more...inconvenient emotions off as long as he could before he drunk himself into a stupor...then onto the next day.

When it comes to Howard and his family, specifically Tony, well, I don't think there's much I can say that I haven't already said. Howard loved Tony. Howard missed Tony when he wasn't there (Maria's words). Howard was also a bad father because he neglected Tony. Howard saw a kid that was too similar to himself and that seemed to be one of his biggest fears going by what he said in Endgame. I don't think he knew what to do with that whatsoever. Maybe he thought the less he had to do with him, the less Tony would turn out like him. Maybe he thought he could cut down the influence. Maybe all the dark things he's seen, done, ordered, ignored convinced him that he had nothing to offer in being a father, or that he'd make Tony worse. Maybe he thought Obie, Maria and Jarvis had Tony set straight well enough. Who knows really. Every loving thing Howard has said about Tony was told to Tony by a third party (Fury, Maria).

Howard is kind of an enigma, except not really. We don't know specifics, but it's so easy to put together his character with canon, context clues and US history. I like Howard, a whole lot. I don't get many opportunities to talk about him unprovoked so thanks for this ask!

[ramzawrites]

(Platonic techno x Piglin Hybrid Reader)

Imagine a 7-8 y/o piglin hybrid finds techno's nether portal and out of pure childhood curiosity decides to go through it and ends up in the snow biome. They almost immediately get frostbite and pass out due to living in the nether and usually being warm. Eventually techno finds the child by his nether portal and look's around to see no parents so assumes they are an orphan he goes to pull out his orphan obliterater but the voices get louder telling him to take them home and protect them eventually gives in wraps his cape around them and brings them home to warm them up

(Feel free to ignore if it makes you uncomfortable)

-Anon :)

Kin - Piglin!Child!Reader and Technoblade

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Technoblade, (mentioned) Philza

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request :]

Summary: Y/N was just too curious! This weird black frame with the purple light was surely not there before! Maybe they should look at it a bit further. The light just looked too inviting!

Words count: 3023

Authors Note: My first Techno fic! YO! I really love him alot! He is one of my favorite CCs and also favorite Character in the dsmp :) Wish I found a better way to cut this one off but I had so much fun writing this!

Y/N’s little Piglin hands slowly traveled up the rough Netherrack that they were hiding behind. Grabbing the edge of the rock as their head followed along, their eyes peaking over cautiously.

There was this weird black frame with what looked like a purple pool inside of it. It emitted a rumbling but kind of musical sound that seemed to call out to Y/N. In fact, they only found this weird portal only due to the sounds. Never in their young life have they heard anything like it.

They have only seen something like this here and there whenever their clan moved on from a region but usually those seemed to be broken. The frame only half finished without a light coming out of it. Elders and the adults would always remind them to stay far away from it since apparently it could be dangerous, but Y/n couldn’t understand how.

It just stood there playing its music that seemed to almost call out to the Piglin. Wanting it to get closer and listen to its magical melody.

How could be something so beautiful be considered dangerous?

Taking another look around, Y/N made sure they were alone. Secretly having run off to follow this sound they managed to pick up on. It’s not like their parents would look for them on account that their parents were already dead.

Now the Elders took care of them, but they were usually too busy with clan business to realize when they ran off on their own adventures.

Once again checking that there were no Ghasts or other dangerous mobs around Y/N climbed over the rock. Landing on what looked like a pathway that led to the black frame.

Closer to the structure Y/N took the time to get a good look at the rock that has been used for the frame. It was a deep black and yet it somehow seemed to have a purple shine. If it came from the vortex between or the rock itself Y/N couldn’t tell, nor did they care enough to figure that out. Too amazed by it.

The sound was now really loud, and Y/N could tell that it came definitely from the purple light. It seemed to swirl in of itself almost like liquid and yet it stayed in the air as if it were glass put between the stone.

Mesmerized by it the child slowly put their hand into the light, trying to figure out what the material was.

But the only thing they felt was how cold it felt and it seemingly pulling on them. Trying to pull them deeper in. Scared Y/N immediately pulled their arm away, holding it close to their chest. Warming the cold limb up with their own body and the temperature of the Nether.

They have never felt anything like this. It was interesting. They knew what cold was but never like this. Only having felt an occasional breeze from jumping around or running around and even then, it was nothing compared to what they just felt.

Was this vortex doing this? Was this the purpose? Is this the dangerous part? How?

Y/N was already so incredible curious, but this really spiked their curiosity. What would happen if they just stood in there?

With this question in mind the kid placed one foot in the frame, soon followed by the next. The vortex completely engulfing them. Purple being the only thing they were able to see. This cold feeling immediately hitting them like a brick wall.

With a surprised grunt with how huge the temperature difference was, the child jumped away, hoping to get back to the familiar warmth but as they did the cold didn’t disappear.

The portal was still there but suddenly there was this bright light all around them. White as far as they could see.

Now panicking the child desperately looked around but their body was still dealing with the sudden temperature drop.

The world spinning around making it difficult for them to get a good look at where they were. Darkness crept in at the edges of their vision which they desperately tried to fight against.

Without realizing Y/N crashed onto the white ground which seemed to be even colder than the air around. Sneaking into the thin clothing and prickling at the skin. Their heart beating incredible fast and, in their ears, and yet they suddenly felt so tired.

The coldness that was so uncomfortable before suddenly turning more comfortable. Their breathing calming down as their eyes fell shut. Submerging themself into the world of darkness.

Luckily for Y/N, Technoblade was on his way towards the Netherportal himself. He managed to run out of Blaze Rods and needed to gather more for his potions only to spot something or rather someone lying face down in the snow.

At first, he assumed that for some reason Tommy managed to knock himself out while wandering over for whatever reason but the closer he got the more he noticed that, no, the body was way too small for that.

Also, he was pretty sure the last time he checked Tommy didn’t sport similar pig ears like Techno.

The voices in his head were pretty calm until they realized “Kin? Our kin? Out here? Our or his kin? Is it our kin as well?”

Techno approached the small body. This child was shaking and wet due to the snow. The clothes soaked. How the hell did that child just survive the travel to the Overworld like that? It was more likely that Piglin’s die during that process and end up as just a husk. A zombie if you will.

Not a lot of Piglin are strong enough to survive this magic. Techno should know he almost died when he traveled over and only survived because he had Philza on his side who helped him through it.

Impressive and yet he didn’t particular care.

“Parents? Orphan? Are they an orphan? Oh! Blood for the Blood God? No! Look at them! They are already dying! They must be something special surviving the portal like that! Are they though? Aren’t they dying? More because of the cold than anything! What about their parents?”

Grumbling Techno stepped into the portal himself, ending up in the warm nether. Hoping to still the curiosity of the voices a tiny bit with this. A sense of nostalgia spreading throughout his body and senses as he looked around the red landscape.

The child’s parents have to be around somewhere. Rule number one in the nether for Piglins was to stay together no matter what. It was dangerous in the Nether and the relationship between blood kin was precious. They must be already around here. Picking up on the child’s scent to find them.

And yet. Nothing.

No Piglin, no anyone.

He wandered a bit in, but he didn’t even spot any close group of Piglin’s running around. Weird. Was that child really alone?

“Check on them! Techno! Check on the child! See if they are still there!” the voices yelled out, infuriating the warrior a bit.

“Alright, alright!” he gave in and once again stepped into the portal. The cold hitting him but at this point he was used to this and managed to reacclimatize himself pretty fast. Not immediately and it still took a few minutes, but he didn’t almost pass out every time.

No surprise there. The child was still laying in the snow.

Once again, the voices flared up in his mind. A few demanding blood while others still expressed their curiosity towards this orphan.

Too busy with his own plans and things to do Technoblade took out his sword aptly called “The Orphan Obliterator”. He just wanted to deal with this situation as fast as he could, so he could move on.

Moving the sword up in the air only for the voices in his head to suddenly erupt loudly.

“No! Stop! Do not! Don’t kill! No! Techno! Please!”

This was very much not like their usual behavior. Usually, they would welcome any chance for bloodshed. Calling for it even in situation where it was just inconvenient and unnecessary but now, they don’t want it? Okay, maybe he should listen in to the voices after all.

“What is going on, Chat?” he asked.

And the voices, even if loudly and talking over each other, answered “Save them! Take them with you! They are special! Protect them! They are your kin if you give them the chance! We are sure! A young child able to survive this? Sounds similar to you Techno! Take them with you! Save them! Please! They deserve the chance!”

The problem with Chat was, they sometimes knew more about the world than Techno and it has paid out listening to them, but they also liked to just follow their whim for fun. Though this seemed to be the former. They realized that the child was special and worth saving, even if only in their ,sometimes omnipotent, eyes.

Sighing Technoblade sheathed his netherite sword and pulled off his red cape.

Realizing what Techno was doing, Chat begun cheering. The voices that had demanded blood before now fully drowned out.

Technoblade knelt down and carefully heaved the piglin onto the cape, wrapping it around them. Their body was unsurprisingly incredibly cold. So cold that Techno worried they didn’t have a lot of time left. Well, worry was a strong word perhaps.

Holding the kid close to his chest he got a good look at their face. Their expression scrunched up in what he assumed to be pain. A few light scars on their face. It wasn’t unusual that Piglins sported a few scars but not that young. The parents were usually too protective over their young.

“Must be a real troublemaker, I bet.” He noted.

Scars already at that age and them running through a portal just like that? Yeah, that child must cross the line between brave and stupid a lot. Not that he could fault them. He wasn’t that much different as a child himself, though he would never admit it out loud.

“They are kinda cute! It’s a child. Children do that. What do we do with them? Save them first. Talk to them. Figure out if they have potential! Kin? Kin! We need to talk to Philza. Dadza! Grandza! Oh! Yes! Grandza!”

Techno shook his head, as if that would make the voices shut up “Chat, please. Don’t assume anything. I might just help them out and find a clan for them to get back to. We don’t have the time for a child to be around. Too busy with the Syndicate.”

While Chat wasn’t happy with it, they seemed to be glad enough that Techno was acting against his instincts to help this orphan out. If the others hear that the Technoblade has helped out an orphan, well, he hoped people won’t. Doesn’t want to be seen as a hypocrite and as someone who keeps his words, and threats.

With the kid in his arms, he made his way back towards his cabin. Apparently, the Blaze Rods had to wait after all.

As he walked up the stairs towards his cabin and walked in, he suddenly got very aware he had no idea what to do. Looking around his eyes fell on his fireplace but that somehow seemed dangerous. Probably bad idea to just lay down an unconscious child right next to the fire, right?

Instead, he remembered that he had a spare bed roll sitting around somewhere.

With the cape still wrapped around the little one he pulled out the bed roll and laid them inside the rolled-out bed. While tucking them in he made sure to let a bit breathing room in. Letting their body slowly warm up instead of instantly.

“Food. Food, Techno. Eat. The child as well!”

Ah, yes. What would he do without the voices reminding him to eat?

Normally he would just pop a potato in the furnace but not this time. If he is already cooking, he might as well cook for the both of them. Soup seemed appropriate. Now, if he only remembers the recipe and instructions Philza gave him way back.

Still a tiny bit annoyed he has to put off getting the Blaze Rods, Techno sat down and begun cutting up vegetables and heating up water. Putting the ingredients into the water and putting spice in after tasting it here and there. It definitely wouldn’t be a masterpiece but as long as it not tasted absolutely horrible and still warmed one up from the inside, this should be fine.

The child better not complain after he already went out of his way saving them from the cold. He really should have just killed them so he wouldn’t need to get through this trouble and could actually get work done but Chat really was acting weird.

The cooking process took longer than he expected. Long enough that his own pig ears suddenly heard some noises, groans, coming from behind him. Looking back, he saw how the small Piglin was moving around in the bed. Slowly sitting up. Their eyes still closed.

“You are awake.” He stated in Piglish. Knowing, that they probably couldn’t speak the common tongue of the Overworld.

They opened their eyes but were still squinting. Either in pain or not used to the light yet.

“Where am I? Who are you?” grunts coming out of their mouth that made up Piglish words.

For a second Techno had to hide his smile as he realized that it has been a long while that he spoke with anybody his native tongue.

“You are in the Overworld. In my home to be specific. You are lucky I found you or you would have frozen to death in the snow. Name’s Technoblade by the way.”

It seemed to be difficult for them to wrap their mind around this new information “Overworld? Technoblade?” they repeated as if this would give them more insight.

Not knowing what else to tell them, Techno turned around and begun pouring the soup into a bowl. Walking over to them to give it to them.

A bit wary the child pulled their arms out of the cape that was still wrapped around them. The white fluff tickling the back of their head. It seemed to be an old cape. The fluffy part not being as fluffy as you would have assumed anymore. The fur dirty and strands glued together. Things that just happened over time even if you washed it quite often.

“My, uh, my name is Y/N.” they spoke, grabbing the bowl and looking inside it.

“I’m not poisoning you, you can eat it. Warms you up and once you feel good enough you can get back into the Nether.” He then proceeded to pour himself a bowl and begun sipping it.

It was edible. That was something.

Y/N kept watch as Techno continued to slowly drink the soup out of his own bowl. Drinking some of the food as well, their eyes widened out of pleasant surprise when the soup seemed to warm them up from the inside. Craving more of this warmth they begun gulping the liquid down in seconds.

This place was certainly warmer then when they got out of the portal but it was still cold enough for them to shiver. Where in the world were they? Never have they seen any of these materials around them. Grey cold stone, dark brown wood, white walls decorated with colorful pictures? It seemed almost unreal to them.

“How are you feeling squirt? Good enough to go home yet?” There was a bit of hope in Techno’s voice. The sooner this passed the better in his book.

“Home.” Y/N once again repeated what Techno said only to hold the bowl up towards him. A shy but determined expression on their face.

It took Techno a second before he understood what they wanted “More? More soup?”

The child enthusiastically nodded.

Sighing Techno got up from the chest he was sitting on to refill Y/N’s bowl and as he pushed the warm bowl back into their hand Y/N opened their mouth again “Uh, Overworld? I am in the Overworld? What- What is that?”

“A different world to where you come from. It has hot places and cold places. Different things and different mobs as well. Very different but both places are connected. You came through one of the portals that lead to this place, it also leads back to the Nether. Now, tell me something. I haven’t seen your parents. I was looking for anyone but there was no one. Not even a random group walking around.”

Y/N first slurped more from the soup before they answered “My parents are gone. I live with my clan. I always run off and they get mad at me.”

Techno knelt down to Y/N and softly pressed his hand against their forehead which made Y/N freeze. Scared and confused with what he was doing.

He let out a deep breath, wincing as a few voices begun yelling inside his mind “Ah. Seems like you have a fever. Guess I could help you through it and in the meanwhile try to find your clan. Might as well show you a bit of the Overworld while we are at it. Not a lot of Piglin get the chance to see the Overworld after all. You certainly are a special case.”

Then he turned around and talked to the air “Happy now Chat?” Turning back around to face Y/N again “Are you okay with that, Y/N?”

It was still difficult for them to grasp the whole of the situation but to get the chance to explore this Overworld? With this Technoblade Piglin? Their curiosity was certainly piqued. Maybe they were still too tired, and their head was pounding but there was this little voice in their head that urged them on.

That told them “Go for it. You will learn a lot! He might be your true kin.”

So, they nodded silently agreeing in Piglish “Yes. I think I am okay with it.”

[jessikahathaway]

Baby Talk - Part I

Hellooooo!

I've had this in my WIPs for a while and I wanted to get some of it out so that you all could enjoy it! Let me know what you think and if you want more??? Tag lists are open for all of my ongoing fics so if you want to be added just let me know!

Please enjoy!

Pairing: Jikook X Reader (Jimin X Reader X Jungkook)

Genre: Surrogacy!AU, Polyamorous!AU, Romance. (Future Smut)

Warnings: Medical Procedures, Assault (not descriptive), Profanity. If I forgot anything please let me know!

Words: 11.3k (Phew chill Jess~)

This wasn’t a big deal, you thought to yourself as you signed the paperwork in the clinic.

Just, you know, getting artificially inseminated for money. Nothing weird about that right?

Becoming a surrogate wasn’t something you’d planned on in your life, mainly sticking to your job and working towards a better tomorrow or whatever they say.

You were young, healthy and full of life.

The only thing you lacked, was a full bank account.

The realization hit a little harder than you thought it would. Being a receptionist wasn’t exactly what you’d had planned for your life but, it was simple work and it made you happy.

Going to college wasn’t really ever an option for you anyways. Your parents had died in an accident when you were little, forcing you to go live with your Great Aunt until you turned eighteen. She hadn’t forced you out, but you did leave. Wanting the adventures that life had to offer.

However, you quickly realized that it wasn’t easy pickings out in the world. That’s when the notice came to the door of your apartment that you either paid your late rent in full by the date or you could get your ass out.

Fear trickled down your spine at the thought of being homeless. You briefly thought of going back to your Aunts but, she lived out in the country and the city is where you’d made your home. As much as you cared about her, it just wasn’t going to happen.

That’s when your friend Namjoon and his husband Jim invited you over for dinner.

You were beyond excited, because these two had just had their baby girl Annie.

They had used the local fertility clinic to get a surrogate and had their baby just a month prior. You had been dying to meet the little bundle ever since you heard the news they were having a baby.

God, that kid was going to be spoiled rotten.

Quickly, you had gone over and enjoyed a nice meal with the three of them. Annie still partaking in formula.

You had tried to make conversation, but your eyes kept wandering to Annie and her little hands and feet. You felt a slight clench in your chest at the sight of her round face and sweet eyes.

“Earth to Y/N? You doing alright?” Namjoon’s voice echoed through their lovely, luxe apartment.

“Y-Yeah! Fine, I’m fine,” you smiled.

“You sure?” Jin asked, getting up to take his and Namjoon’s plates to the kitchen.

“Mhmm,” you said, eyes glancing back over at the baby.

“You’re so whipped, Annie has claimed yet another victim,” Namjoon snickered, looking at the blissful gaze your eyes had taken.

“You ever want kids, Y/N?” Jin asked, coming back in with dessert for each of you.

“I guess so, I mean. Just gotta find someone to make the baby with,” you joked half heartedly.

It was no secret among your friends that you were the black sheep. Not dating, not even entertaining the notion of having a significant other. The idea was, honestly, draining.

“Don’t feel like you have to be married to have a kid, Y/N. Single parenthood is just as valid as a couple,” Jin reminded.

“I’m nowhere near financially stable enough to pop out a kid right now,” you sighed.

“No? I thought the job at the hotel was treating you well,” Namjoon said.

“Yes and no, they treat me well. But pay me next to shit... I-I gotta make some quick cash, or I’m gonna be homeless,” you whispered.

“What?!?” The two men shouted, looking at you with heartbreak in their eyes.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell us you were struggling! We could’ve done something!” Jin says, rubbing his face with frustration.

“No-No! It’s fine, I’ll figure it out! I always do,” you encouraged, trying to keep the fear out of your eyes.

“How far behind on rent are you?” Namjoon asked.

“A little under six grand,” you sighed.

“Y/N!” Your two friends looked distraught.

“I don’t understand how a society can function like this, I hate it,” Namjoon said, looking down at his dessert he no longer wanted.

Annie started fussing, kicking her feet and wanting attention.

Jin sighed and got up, taking his beautiful daughter with him. You and Namjoon sat in cold silence for a while. Neither of you willing to talk to the other.

You were too proud for your own good. Even if it meant crashing and burning, you’d do that before you took anyone’s pity.

“How can we help?” Namjoon asked, looking at you with so much worry.

“I really don’t know Joon, there’s no where that’ll give me that kinda money with my credit and... even if they did I couldn’t pay it back anyways,” you sighed.

“Have you thought about going to school for something? Maybe you can get a degree and, I don’t know I’m pulling at straws here,” he said.

“I can’t go to school Joon, with what money? And even worse, I wouldn’t know what to go into,” you said, swallowing down some more wine.

“I wish we could’ve had you surrogate for us. We paid that woman a small fortune. Had I known you were struggling I would, maybe you could’ve done it instead,” he said quietly.

“How much did you pay her?” You asked.

“Around $80,000,” he said, shrugging.

You choked.

“Damn you filthy rich kids,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“That’s it!” Namjoon said.

“Huh?” You asked, looking at him in confusion and despair.

“You can’t be our surrogate, but you could be someone else’s!”

Your body ran cold at the thought.

“I-I don’t know if I could do that Joon,” you said.

“Doesn’t your family have a high chance of twins?” He said, looking at you with a smile.

“I mean, yes but-”

“Say no more. I know a couple that’s been dreaming of a baby. They actually were supposed to meet the woman who wound up being our surrogate. But she decided to go with us. Jimin and Jungkook, they’re really good people Y/N,” Namjoon said, smiling.

“Namjoon, I don’t know if I can have a stranger’s baby!”

“I mean I won’t force you to sign up or anything. But Jungkook and Jimin are really good guys who have been waiting forever to have a baby. They said they wanted twins but, most importantly they wanted a healthy child. How sweet is that!”

You worried your lower lip with your teeth. This was just ridiculous. There’s no way you’d be able to do it. No way.

“Let me show you a picture of them!” Namjoon said, pulling out his phone.

“Joon really-”

Although, before you could argue anymore, you saw their faces.

A smaller, blond man. Whose smile was brighter than any star. And a taller, lean brunette who looked at the camera with a goofy grin.

“Jimin is the blond, Jungkook is the brunette,” Namjoon explained.

“Okay?” You said, trying to calm your racing heart.

They were both handsome. Deathly so, it made your stomach clench in a weird way to look at them. You wondered what kind of babies they would make. If they had that smile Jimin was packing, no one would be safe. That child would get whatever it wanted.

“I’m just saying, it doesn't have to be them but they’ve wanted a baby for so long and... you could help them with that and get a lump sum of cash on the side. Bad a bing bad a boom! No worries!”

It wasn’t such a hard decision in the end.

You needed the money.

So walking into the clinic had this weird sense of finality to it.

The receptionist looked at you with a smile.

“Hello dear, how can I help you?” She said.

“I-uh, wanted to sign up to be a potential surrogate?” You said, wringing your hands together.

“Of course! Did you bring your medical records and things of the like?”

You nodded quickly, handing over the required paperwork. She clicked away on her keyboard and got you all signed up and ready to go. Soon, you were getting your preliminary check up to see if you were able to have children.

Although your period had some irregularities in the past, the doctor’s said it was probably due to stress and the balancing out of hormones. But it would all work out, you were healthy and fertile!

You managed to tell Namjoon that you signed up without him having a full blown heart attack.

“How long until you need to be out of the apartment?” He asked, sipping his coffee.

“I need to be out in three weeks,” you said softly.

“Well shit you’re kinda on a time crunch there sweets, but don’t worry, you can do it! I’ll let Jimin and Jungkook know that you signed up, they’ll want to meet you. I know it,” he said.

“Namjoon, it’s okay. I don’t care who I surrogate for, as long as it’s soon,” you said, trying to keep your heart rate under control.

“Okay, but Y/N, I’m telling you. They’d be the perfect fit for you!” He said.

You said your goodbyes before hanging up the phone. The days to come would be challenging no doubt.

—

You were rather popular at the fertility clinic it seemed, because you’d had three meetings already.

One was a couple that had been trying for years and it just wasn’t happening so they were resorting to a different method. Although for this one they wanted to do an egg implantation. You weren’t sure you wanted to do that.

Another was an older couple who looked like they were just planning on having kids but their own clocks ran out.

But finally, you got one more call from the clinic.

“Miss Y/N, you’ve got another request for a meeting,” the receptionist on the other line said.

“Oh? With whom?” You asked.

“A Mr. Park Jimin and a Mr. Jeon Jungkook, they asked for you personally,” she said, tone light.

You almost spit out your drink.

Th-They had asked for you?

The fertility clinic was big, a huge database of surrogates and people willing to conceive for the right price.

But they had asked to meet you.

Personally.

“Miss Y/N? Still there?” The receptionist asked, sounding far away from you.

“Yes! Yes I’m here,” you said, coughing.

“Wonderful, they said if you were willing they’d like to treat you to a meal, of course I can’t give out your contact information without consent from you but if you’re willing to meet with them we can arrange this.”

You heard yourself agree before even thinking about it.

Soon, you were on your way to the higher end of town. Heading towards a good Korean Barbeque place that was notorious for having the best meat in town.

Walking in you looked around, noticing how luxurious the place was. It made you feel a little out of place to be honest. But, not letting that get to you the host came up and asked for your name.

“Miss Y/N, ah yes. You’re with the Jeon party, lovely. Come right this way,” he said, taking you back into the bowels of the beast it seemed.

Winding through tables and chairs you found yourself in front of a private room. You didn’t want to think about how much this cost, so you simply just let your mind wander to other fun topics.

Such as the fact that you were potentially meeting your surrogate partners.

“Mr. Jeon? Mr. Park? A Miss Y/N is here for you,” the host said, through the door.

“Let her in,” a higher pitched male voice said.

You bit your lip and waited as the door opened. You looked inside and saw a beautiful wooden table, laid out with the finest meats and other various types of noodles and food. Then, there was the other feast, one for your eyes.

Park Jimin was a smaller man, but so incredibly handsome it made your head swirl. His soft blond hair tucked under a beanie as he looked up at you with what could only be called wonder. He looked at you gently, a small smile making its way to his lips.

Jeon Jungkook was a different story. Lean but cut, tiny waist accentuated by his pants. His arms were strong looking and one was covered in tattoos. His hair was pulled away from his face in a precious man bun that made your heart stutter. His eyes were big and glassy, looking at you. As if breathing you in.

“Hi,” you said quietly. “I’m Y/N.”

“We know,” Jimin said with a gentle smile.

“Come, sit down,” Jungkook said, moving a chair out for you to sit.

“Okay,” you agreed, moving to sit down.

“Get whatever you want,” Jimin encouraged, handing you the menu politely.

“Thank you,” you blushed, trying to not faint with his eyes on you like that.

Ordering a few things for yourself the three of you sat there with awkward silence filling the space. Jungkook wouldn’t really look at you and Jimin seemed like he was too nervous to start.

“So,” you said, clearing your throat. “How long have you two been together?” You asked, trying to sound cheerful.

“Five years,” Jungkook said, placing his hand over his glass.

“Oh wow, congratulations,” you said, rubbing your hands on your thighs.

“Thank you,” Jimin breathed.

“Our friend Namjoon said you were kind of in a tight spot and needed some help financially, is this true?” Jungkook asked, finally glancing your way.

“Y-Yeah, I wish he wouldn’t just tell other people that but, no sense in denying the truth. I’m almost six grand behind on rent,” you sighed, rubbing your face.

Both of their faces fell, looking at each other in worry.

“It-It’s okay though! I’ll be okay, I always am,” you said, trying to keep your tone light.

“It’s okay to be scared, Y/N, I would be scared shitless if I were you,” Jungkook said, taking slow drinks from his glass.

“Yeah,” you sighed, trying to avoid the stinging in your eyes.

“What do you do for work?” Jimin asked, trying to keep the conversation from turning to dark.

“I’m a receptionist at the local hotel. It’s not much, but I really like it,” you said, a grin taking place on your face.

“Hey, if you like it then that means something,” Jimin encouraged.

“So, you two want to have a baby?” You said, trying to get down to the topic at hand.

“Yes, more than anything,” Jimin said, a wistful look crossing his face.

“That’s amazing, to love each other that much and want to build a family is... Super important,” you said, meaning every word.

“What does your family do, Y/N? Do they live here in the city?”

You awkwardly rubbed your hands together.

“Um, my Great Aunt lives out in the country. But, my parents and most of my other relatives have passed on,” you said, trying to hide the emotion that came up.

“Oh, so sorry for your loss,” Jungkook said, face pinching.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago,” you whispered.

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” Jimin argued.

“You’re right, but, it’s okay,” you said.

“So, you have a high chance for twins,” Jungkook said, looking at some papers you didn’t notice were on the table.

“Yes, my mother was a twin. It runs way back in my family,” you said.

“Jimin has a good chance of having twins as well,” Jungkook said, gesturing to his loving partner.

“I do I do,” he said with a grin.

“Do you two want a set of twins?” You asked.

“It’s preferred but not necessary. As long as we get a baby, that’s all that matters,” Jungkook said.

Soon, the food was delivered and Jungkook and Jimin insisted on cooking the food for you. Something about not stressing you out too much.

After a full meal, you leaned back and let your head fall comfortably. Jimin and Jungkook exchanged a glance at each other.

‘She’s the one,’ Jimin mouthed.

Jungkook smiled and nodded back.

“Thank you for the meal, I really do appreciate it. I haven’t eaten like that in months,” you said.

“Well, if you want to have our baby, we would gladly provide you with all the food you could want,” Jimin said.

“T-That’s alright, it wouldn’t be necessary-”

“Yes it would, Y/N. If you carry our child that means we’re responsible for you, everything you need or want will be yours. We swear,” Jungkook said.

“Right,” you swallowed thickly.

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Jimin asked.

“I-I’ve never really been one for dependence on other people. You know? I like to do things myself if I can,” you said.

“Well, we wouldn’t force you to do anything of course but, if you did want or need anything, we would be more than happy to provide you with it,” Jungkook said.

“Thank you, that’s very sweet,” you said.

“You’d be carrying our child,” Jimin said as if it were obvious.

“Of course,” you said softly.

“Hey, if you don’t want to do this then don’t feel pressured. Don’t let money be an object in what you want to do with your life. It’s not healthy,” Jimin said.

“Thank you,” you said again.

“Well, I think it’s time to get going. I know you’ve met with other couples that have no doubt tried to convince you they’re the best option but... I really hope you chose us Y/N. You’d be the perfect surrogate for us,” Jungkook said, looking at you with a softened gaze.

And you knew it too.

You knew they were the couple you wanted to surrogate for, even if it cost you everything. You knew they deserved it. Not that any of the other families you had spoken to didn’t, but, they were the ones for you.

Your fertile window and ovulation were coming up so you had to make a choice and soon.

You’d met with the doctors at the clinic and they said that they were just waiting on you. Whomever you picked would have a meeting with you before the insemination on the rules and what you would have to do in regards to taking care of yourself. And then the money would be yours in full.

Calling the clinic you told them your answer.

“I would like to surrogate for Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park,” you said.

“Alrighty, I will give them a call and set up the appointment for them to get their end of the deal all set up and then we can get you all ready to go!” The receptionist said.

“Okay, thank you so much,” you said before hanging up.

Namjoon and Jin invited you over wanting to hear the news of everything going on with you.

And you couldn’t wait to see Annie again.

“Aw, you’re getting so big!” You said as you were greeted by Annie’s face in Jin’s arms.

“Yes she is!” Jin agreed. The cooing baby leaned forward, moving to capture your hair in her little fist.

You laughed and took her from Jin easily, he didn’t fight you and let you have your time with her. Rocking and bouncing her on your hip while the pair of them talked in the dining room.

Soon, a knocking came to the door.

Confusion swept over you, but regardless, you went to answer the door anyways.

Annie still on your hip, you opened the door to reveal Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook, your new surrogate partners.

Frozen in shock the two of them looked at you as if they were equally confused.

You wondered if the clinic had told them you picked them yet. You had just gotten off the phone with them today, so you weren’t. Jungkook’s face went to you to Annie and then back to you.

“H-Hi?” You whispered.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Jimin asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Came to have dinner with Jinnie and Joon, and Annie of course,” you smiled, raising the little one up on your hip more.

“Oh, did you know we were coming?” Jungkook asked.

“No, I had no idea,” you said.

“Ah! Are those the boys?” Jin’s voice echoed throughout the hall.

“Yes!” You yelled back.

“Let them in Y/N! We invited them over too!” Namjoon said.

“Please come in,” you said, moving out of their way as the couple greeted Jin and Namjoon fondly.

It appeared as though there were no hard feelings in regards to them getting a surrogate they wanted. But, you could see Jungkook’s longing on his face when he looked at Annie in your arms.

“She’s beautiful,” Jimin said, looking down at Annie as you rocked her to sleep.

“Mhmm, gorgeous. She’ll be stealing hearts just like her dads,” you said.

“Hey, Y/N,” Jimin said, keeping his eyes trained on the little one in your arms.

“Did you make your decision yet? It said on your profile that your ovulation window was coming up and I was just curious,” he said quietly.

“I did,” you said.

Jimin’s face fell.

“I see,” he swallowed.

“Jimin-”

“Alright you two, paws off the baby, my turn!” Namjoon said, walking in.

You handed the sleeping baby over without a fuss before you and Jimin both walked out into the living room. Jimin whispered something to Jungkook and his face dropped. But you couldn’t find the words in your mouth. You wanted to tell them you picked them. You moved to talk to them when you felt Jin’s presence behind you.

“Y/N? You alright?” Jin asked, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah.”

It was getting later, and you were feeling sleepy from all the food you’d eaten during the night.

Jimin and Jungkook looked at your sleepy form and their hearts broke all over again.

“I can’t believe she didn’t pick us,” Jungkook said, face betraying how he felt.

“Babe, you can’t force her. I-I thought we had a good chance but,” Jimin sighed.

“I don’t want to keep looking for a surrogate if this is going to happen every time,” Jungkook said, pain coming through in his voice.

“Jungkook you know how badly I want this too right? It’s not just you hurting here,” Jimin said.

“We’ve been trying for two years to find a surrogate and when we find one we want, they always pick someone else. Why? Are we that undesirable? I don’t understand,” Jungkook sighed.

“It’s not that,” Jimin whispered. “Maybe it’s just not our turn yet.”

“When is it gonna be our turn, huh?” Jungkook said. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“We can’t give up,” Jimin said softly. “I don’t want to give up yet.”

“I know baby,” Jungkook said, kissing Jimin’s cheek softly.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest. These poor men were really hurting for a baby. A family to call their own.

Sitting up Jimin and Jungkook looked at you in fear.

“Y/N? Y-You were awake-oh God I’m so sorry you had to hear that-” Jimin said frantically.

“I picked you two,” you said.

Their eyes shot up to meet yours.

Jungkook’s were glossy from unshed tears and Jimin’s were widening by the second.

“You what?”

“I said I picked you two. I want to surrogate for you two,” you explained.

“But-in the nursery you said-” Jimin started.

“I said I had picked someone, I didn’t say who silly,” you smiled.

“Oh thank you Y/N!” Jungkook said, coming over to hold your hand in his.

“You don’t know what this means to us,” Jimin said.

“I know you two want this baby more than anything, I want to give it to you. Honestly, you two have waited long enough,” you said, heart stammering at the look of hope in their eyes.

“You’re perfect Y/N! Seriously!” Jimin cried, holding onto Jungkook for dear life.

“Thank you, you’re very sweet. I’m supposed to go in for the, you know, business end of it on Monday. They said they’d call you tomorrow. I just gave my answer today,” you told them.

“Okay, alright sounds good,” Jungkook said, wiping his eyes furiously.

“You gonna be okay?” You asked, looking at the two of them.

“Of course, more than okay.”

—

Monday creeped up on you quickly, faster than you thought.

You went to the clinic and sat down, getting signed in and everything before you saw Jungkook and Jimin waltz in looking like a million bucks.

Dressed head to toe in designer clothing, you realized you didn’t know what they did for a living. You hadn’t really looked at their profiles all that much. But you knew their baby would have everything they could ever want and more.

Smiling at them and waving, the two of them made their way over to you.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Jimin asked, sitting down in the chair next to you.

“Just waiting,” you said, looking at the pair of them together.

They looked like the traditional power couple. Strong, dependable and handsome to boot. It was kind of overwhelming.

Jungkook was wringing his hands together, biting his lip as he looked around the room.

“You alright Jungkook?”

“Yeah just-”

“Mr. Jeon, Mr. Park and Miss Y/N? The legal assistant will see you now,” a voice from the corner called.

“Let’s go,” you said, standing up and heading towards the back room.

You sat down and the rules of the road were laid out.

If you signed the contract Jimin and Jungkook were the parents of the child. You had no rights unless they said otherwise. You would be given a lump sum of money, transferred into your bank account the day they know you’re pregnant and expecting. If anything happens to the baby such as a miscarriage or something of the like that you had no control over, you would be able to keep the money. But, they would like to try again to see if the next one stuck better.

“So, if you conceive twins, which your likelihood is good, Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park have agreed to pay you double,” you almost choked on your drink.

Double?

“What?” You squeaked out.

“It’s written right here,” the legal assistant said, pointing to the document in her hands.

“Okay,” you said softly, not wanting to make either of them uncomfortable.

“The total of your payment will come to $153,000 dollars,” the legal assistant said. “If you conceive twins.”

Your head swirled.

What would you do with all that money? Jimin and Jungkook looked at you with worry.

“I-Is it not enough? We can give you more if you want-”

“No! No no, that is totally acceptable. More than,” you said.

“Okay, just making sure,” Jimin answered.

“If you would please initial here, Miss Y/N. And then a signature here at the bottom and then you two will also need to sign as well,” she said.

After all the paperwork was done your date for insemination was set.

Jimin and Jungkook looked at you as you walked out of the clinic.

“Hey! Y/N! Hold on,” Jungkook said, walking forward.

“Huh? What is it?” You asked turning around.

Jungkook’s bright eyes blinded you as he gazed into your own. But you kept your breathing steady as you could.

“Do you want a ride home? Jimin and I cleared our schedules so we could be here today, and... Well we don’t want you to get hurt or anything,” he said, pointing to the black suburban.

“Oh, it’s alright I was gonna go to the bookstore and get a few things and then head home but I’ll be fine, no worries,” you smiled.

“We insist, Y/N,” Jimin said, walking forward to take his partner’s hand.

“Um, well... It’s really not that far, I’m sure it’ll be okay,” you said.

“Well, if you’re really sure,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, but I’ll see you two on Thursday right? That’s when I’m supposed to... Well, you know,” your said, looking down at your feet.

“Of course! If you want us to be there that is,” Jimin said.

“Yes, it’s your baby,” you said.

“Okay, we’ll see you Thursday then,” Jungkook agreed, waving at you before he and Jimin got into the suburban and left.

But you couldn’t help the feeling you had as you watched them drive away.

Sadness.

—

You walked into the clinic Thursday morning, sweat pooling in your palms. You were reaching the end of your wire at your apartment. And you weren’t going to get the money in time. You were worried and didn’t want to bother Namjoon and Jin... So you just kept it to yourself.

You felt the fear and worry eating you up inside as you sat in the waiting room.

The doctor called your name and you headed back towards the room, when someone shouted your name.

Jimin and Jungkook were there, smiling brightly at you.

Your heart eased at seeing the two men, so happy and radiant. Everything you weren’t currently. But, knowing you were giving them something so important really made you feel better. Even if it was just for the time being.

“Oh my gosh, we’re finally getting a baby!” Jimin squeaked.

“Easy, it’s probably not going to happen first try,” you reminded him of what the doctor said.

“Bet I could get you pregnant in one shot,” Jungkook smirked.

“Oh shush Kook. But if you got her pregnant you wouldn’t get those twins you want so badly now would you, butthead,” Jimin said, shoving the younger man around slightly.

You tried to keep yourself from blushing but the redness that twinged your cheeks was there regardless. You were here to get pregnant, that was the end goal of today.

“Alright, Miss Y/N, we’re going to take you back and get you all set and then Mr. Park and Mr. Jeon have said they wanted to take you home after. Is that alright with you?” The doctor asked.

“Yes, that’s fine,” you said.

“Okay, let’s head back then,” Jungkook gave you a gentle smile before Jimin came forward and gave your knuckles a quick kiss.

“Good luck, Y/N,” he said.

“Thanks,” you answered before heading back.

The whole process took around a hour and a half, most of it waiting.

The sensation wasn’t too bad, but you were a little uncomfortable. Everything was super sterile and not how you expected you’d get pregnant, but... It wasn’t your baby at the end of the day. You tried not to wiggle as you laid there, letting Jimin’s seed try to impregnate you.

Finally, the timer went off and you were allowed to leave to go home.

Jimin and Jungkook were sat in the waiting room, chatting with each other excitedly. You knew that this was it, that they were more than perfect for this baby. You were beyond happy you could give it to them.

“Y/N!” Jimin said, walking up to greet you.

“Hey,” you said easily, noticing Jungkook come up behind him.

“We’re here to take you home!” Jimin smiled.

“Thanks guys,” you said softly.

“We brought the car around already so you don’t have to walk too much. Don’t wanna spoil all our hard work,” Jimin said, looking at your tummy with affection.

“Like I said Jimin, it probably won’t happen this time. But you never know, you might have some strong swimmers,” you joked.

“You have no idea, Y/N,” he said, gazing into your eyes for a moment.

Your breath caught in your throat. He looked like an angel wrapped in sin, as if he were so good yet so bad for you. It made your head spin.

Jungkook held the car door open for you and you got in carefully. Jimin sat in the back with you while Jungkook sat up front.

Of course these two had a driver...

Jimin was looking out the window and noticed that they were getting into the sketchier part of town. His worry was eating him alive. He didn’t want the mother of his child staying here! That simply wouldn’t do.

You got out of the car, heading towards your apartment when the landlord approached you. Jungkook and Jimin were still getting out of the car when he exploded at you.

“There’s the little bitch now!” He growled, grabbing your wrist and twisting it painfully.

You yelped, trying not to move so much. It only made it hurt more.

“Let me go!” You said.

“You filthy cunt, you owe me almost six thousand dollars! And you dare to come back here without anything? Huh? Nothing? Where have you been huh? Selling your body to make some cash I bet, that’s what little whore’s like you do right? Fucking pathetic,” he spits at you.

“I-I just need a little more time-” a resounding smack is heard through the parking lot.

Jimin and Jungkook look up to see your head turned sharply to the side and a man gripping your wrist.

Both of the men flew off the handle.

“Let go of her you fucker!” Jungkook yelled, walking forward with purpose.

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Jimin growled, pulling you away from the man.

“Did you fucking hit her?” Jungkook said, looking at your reddened cheek.

“Bitch owes me money, she knows that-”

“Fucker!” Jungkook snarled, grabbing the man by his shirt and lifting him.

“Y/N? Sweetie can you hear me?” Jimin whispered. Your head was swimming with pain and discomfort. Your cheek was screaming at you. But what hurt worse was the embarrassment. They saw it all, that you couldn’t take care of yourself. How on earth were you going to take care of a baby if you got pregnant for nine months? Huh?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, he hurt you. Jungkook put him down and call the cops,” Jimin said.

“I owe him money, I just-”

“You can’t arrest me! You fuckheads, do you know who I am?” He asked.

“Do you know who we are? Hi I’m Jeon Jungkook, heir to the Jeon Law Firm here in the city. You might have heard of us, and she is the mother of my future child and you won’t be putting your hands on her ever again,” Jungkook said.

“I just wanna leave, I don’t... I don’t wanna be here,” you whimpered.

“But Y/N,” Jimin said.

“Can we leave? Please?” You begged, looking up at him with a swollen cheek and glossy eyes. Jimin’s heart broke five times over, seeing you so upset.

“Jungkook, come on. Let’s go,” Jimin said.

“And leave her with this fucking piece of shit? I think not, no we’re going to-Y/N? Are you alright?” Jungkook asked, coming forward and looking at your face with a tenderness you didn’t know was there.

“We’ll take her home with us,” Jimin said easily.

“Okay, yeah. But we’re calling the cops on that dickbag when we get back. I want him arrested for hurting her,” Jungkook said with finality.

“Of course baby,” Jimin said, soothing the younger male.

“Can we just go?” You asked, looking up at them for a moment.

“Yes, of course we can, let’s get you in the car and go back to our place,” Jungkook said, coming forward and getting into the back seat this time. Jimin encouraged you to get inside, so you did, him following shortly thereafter.

“Take us home please,” Jungkook said, shutting the little window between the front of the car and the back.

You sat between the two men, each of them looking out the window and appearing to be deep in thought. You were as well. You hoped this didn’t affect your chances of getting pregnant. You don’t know what you’d do if you couldn’t get this baby. The prospect of so much money on the line, you very future.

Also, you worried for Jungkook and Jimin. You really wanted this to work for their sake too.

They’d been waiting so long.

You were swallowed into the dreamscape of your thoughts. Nothing really getting in or out of your mind. You were just reeling at everything that had happened in less than four hours. You had your first attempt at insemination, went home and got assaulted and now you were heading to the upper end of the city with the two men who wanted you to have a baby for them.

This was all so much to handle.

Finally, the car stopped moving and Jimin quickly ushered you out of the vehicle. You stood there and looked up at the stunning building with a weird sense of fear. It loomed over you, almost intimidatingly so.

Jimin told the driver to go park the car and take the rest of the day off while Jungkook gathered their things from the back. You looked around and noticed that people were staring at you.

No doubt you looked like a sore pink thumb right now. Tear stained and swollen cheeks making you look even more outlandish in the area. But, Jungkook quickly moved everyone inside.

The door man asked who you were and Jimin and Jungkook simply told the truth.

“She’s our surrogate, we’re having her stay with us for a while. If she needs anything, make sure she gets it!” Jimin said.

“Absolutely Mr. Park,” the doorman said.

“Come on Y/N,” Jungkook said, heading towards the elevator.

You followed behind them quickly, getting in the mirrored elevator. Looking at yourself you felt all the anxiety and fear come back. You didn’t belong here, you were wearing a pair of fucked up jeans, a flannel and t-shirt. They were dressed in beautiful clothing, dipped in the finest silks and satins.

You looked like a charity case no doubt.

It made your stomach churn in discomfort. But you kept your mouth shut. You were providing them with a service. And in turn they were paying you. It was a give and take situation. But you couldn’t help but feel as though you were taking more than you were giving.

Jungkook held the door while you and Jimin entered the house. You looked around and the apartment was massive. Bigger than your Aunt’s tiny house in the country. You wondered just how much money these two had.

Soon, Jimin was sitting you down on the couch and tending to your cheek. His heart crumpled when you flinched at his touch. He tried not to take it personally, you were literally just assaulted. But he hoped you weren’t scared of him, or Jungkook.

“Should I call the doctor?” Jungkook asked, coming in and sitting next to Jimin.

“No, she’s just a little swollen, she’ll be alright,” Jimin said, handing you the painkillers and some ice.

“Can she have that?” Jungkook asked, referring to the pain medicine.

“It’s acetaminophen she can have it,” Jimin confirmed.

“Okay,” he said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” Jimin asked, looking at you for any signs of discomfort.

“Not particularly, but I should eat. Especially today,” you said, a weak smile on your face. Jimin nodded, but headed towards the kitchen regardless.

Soon after, a wonderful aroma filled the apartment. But you hadn’t moved from the couch, keeping your eyes trained on the TV Jimin turned on for you. You didn’t particularly want to watch the news, but you weren’t sure on how to work this TV. It made your brain hurt. But, whatever, you kept your eyes on the screen, not looking anywhere in particular.

Jimin soon came out, wearing a smile that must be a signature for him or something. He told you dinner was ready and to follow him. Turning off the TV with a swipe of his finger on the screen you marveled at the technology.

He patted your cheek and brought you into the dining room.

Jungkook was finishing putting the food out when you sat down. He and Jimin were deep in conversation. You picked at your food, eating a few pieces if Jimin put them on your plate. But other than that, you sat unmoving in the corner.

You supposed you were still in shock of what had happened today.

Soon, you felt the distinct cramping in your lower stomach, something you were told is to be expected. Especially if the pregnancy took. Letting out a puff of air, you held your stomach. It wasn’t terrible, but the discomfort had you adjusting in your seat.

Jungkook’s head snapped in your direction, carefully observing you.

“Everything alright? Y/N?” He asked, cocking his head to the side in a cute way.

Forcing a smile you nodded.

“Yeah, just cramping a little bit,” you said, keeping your hands together underneath the table.

“Is it bad?” Jungkook asked, leaning towards you.

“No-ah!” You said, clutching your stomach. It didn’t hurt as much as it caught you off guard. But the two men were beside you in seconds.

“Y/N? Do you want us to call the doctor?”

“Is there something we can get for you? Do you want more pain medicine?”

“N-No, honestly, I’m okay,” you said, giving them each a squeeze to their wrist.

Jimin nodded, standing up and moved to start cleaning up the meal. Jungkook placed a couple more pieces of meat on your plate, asking you to eat them. He thought it could help your cramping, but he mainly just wanted to see you eat something.

Soon, the pair of them had cleaned up the meal and had gathered some clothes for you to wear to bed.

“We’ll pick up some stuff for you to wear tomorrow,” Jungkook said smiling.

“N-No that’s alright I can go back and get my stuff,” you said.

“You’re not going anywhere near that building,” Jimin warned, voice low.

“What? I have to get my stuff-”

“We’ll have someone go collect your things and bring them back here,” Jimin said, careful.

“I can go it’s not a big deal-”

“Y/N, please, just let us take care of this,” Jungkook said, quietly coming over to your side.

You were far too tired to argue. But you already felt like a cat in a cage. So you waved off the disagreement and decided to just head to bed.

The cramping was still there, but not nearly as bad as it had been when you were at the table. Laying down helped, but you felt something in your underwear.

Quickly, you went to the bathroom and noticed some blood in your underwear. Biting your lip, you tried to keep yourself from panicking. Putting them back on you went to living room and found Jimin sitting on the couch, looking tired.

“J-Jimin,” you said quietly.

His head snapped up and he gave you a little smile.

“Yes, Y/N?” He asked, coming towards you. You sighed and ran your hands through your hair.

“I-I was bleeding,” you said, voice straining slightly.

“You were? Where?” He asked, brows furrowing.

“M-My, uh, I found it in my underwear,” you said, breathing in deeply.

“Was it a lot?” He asked, keeping a cool exterior.

“N-No, not a lot but it worried me,” you said, trying to keep yourself from freaking out on him.

“It’s normal to spot a little after the IUI, don’t worry. But tell me if anymore happens. They did just shove a tube up your business,” he said, laughing lightly.

Immediately you were put at ease. Sensing your relief, Jimin patted your shoulder.

“It’s okay to be nervous, we are,” Jimin said, nodding towards the closed door you assumed was to their bedroom.

“Yeah, I’m-I just really want this to work,” you confessed, feeling yourself relax a bit.

“We do too, more than anything,” Jimin answered, giving you a genuine grin.

“I’m glad that the baby will have you two as parents, makes me feel good knowing that they’ll be taken care of,” you smiled back.

Jimin’s face seemed to morph into a look of joy and agony at the same time.

“You’re too sweet, Y/N, honestly. Jungkook and I are beyond excited,” he explained.

“Have you always wanted to be a father?” You asked him, out of the blue. Jimin blushed and looked down at his feet.

“Y-Yeah, ever since I was little I always wanted a family to call my own. And when I met Jungkook I knew it was just meant to be you know? Like, everything just made sense,” he said, a sheepish look taking over his features.

“That’s so sweet,” you gushed.

“It’s the truth,” he shrugged.

“I want someone to look at me the way you look at Jungkook, like I’m their whole world and more. I’ve never been one for dating though,” you said, looking down at the floor, embarrassed.

“No? How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had?” Jimin asked, not thinking. When the shocked look took over your face he back peddled. “I-I shouldn’t have asked, that doesn’t deem your worth or anything like that-”

“None,” you said, blushing bright red.

Jimin’s face changed.

“Tell me if I’m out of line here, but have you ever, uh... You know, um,” he said, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh? Sex? Yeah, I’ve done it before, but it wasn’t really anything special. I don’t even think I-um... Nevermind,” you said, biting your lip hard.

“You don’t think you what? You didn’t cum?” Jimin said, as if he were shocked.

“No! Now keep your voice down!” You yelped.

Jimin frowned.

“That’s horrible, you deserve better,” Jimin said matter of factly.

“It happens, but, this conversation has gotten away from us,” you said, trying to steer it away from your pathetic sex life and more towards the fact that you both need to go to bed. “I’m tired, had a long day.” You said, rubbing your arms.

“Of course, absolutely! If you need anything or something happens, our room is right here just come get us,” Jimin said.

“Okay, thanks,” you said, turning, but not before you wished him a good night.

Jimin gave you a small smile. “Good night, Y/N, sleep well.”

—

Soon your stuff was all moved into the boys apartment. You questioned when you would be leaving, but the boys said that you didn’t have to worry about departing for the foreseeable future.

They had originally wanted you to live with them if and when they found out you were pregnant, that way they could be there through it all. But, these stages after the insemination could be hard on you and they decided to keep you with them.

You felt like a little kid half the time, but you had to call in to work often because of these appointments. And quickly, they tired of it.

“Y/N, we love you and we want you to pick here to work, but honestly your attendance is a severe issue right now,” your supervisor said over the phone. You called in that day because you just were feeling super exhausted.

You hadn’t told them you’d signed up for a surrogacy. You weren’t sure how that would go over, but, maybe you had to if you wanted to save your job.

“I-I’m calling in all the time because I’m trying to get pregnant,” you said softly.

Laughter came from the other side of the phone.

You were being laughed at.

“Oh my God, Y/N, that’s hilarious! But seriously, I have to put you on a two week suspension without pay because-”

“Dawn, I'm serious. I signed up with the fertility clinic and I’m currently trying to become a surrogate for a lovely couple,” you said, honestly.

“Y/N, why did you sign up for that? As far as any of us knew, you weren’t that into kids,” Dawn said over the phone.

“I-I like kids, but the baby won’t be mine to keep. The couple gets to keep them once they are born. I lose all rights as a parent,” you explained.

“That’s kinda cruel... Let you carry the baby for nine months then force you to leave them. I don’t know if I could do that,” she said.

“I-It’s the way it is,” you said. “But I need to have the day off, I have an appointment at the clinic.”

“Y/N, would it be easier if we just let you quit?” Dawn said.

“What?!” You shrieked into the phone.

“Well, it’s a delicate time and we'd have you working on your feet for long hours. I don’t want anything to happen to you or your baby,” she said, sounding sad.

“But I don’t wanna leave you guys,” you whimpered.

“Well, once the little tike is born come back. We’ll hire you back, I promise. If you want to come back,” she offered.

“Y-You’ll really let me come back?” You said, biting your lip.

It would be nice to just focus on the pregnancy and helping Jungkook and Jimin. If you had the option, maybe it would be better to take her advice and go back when you were ready. Hopefully they don’t screw you over.

“Of course we will! We love you! But, right now isn’t the best time for you to be working. Focus on you and your little bundle okay? We’ll be waiting,” she said.

“Oh thank you Dawn! I love you guys too!”

After a little tears ‘see you later’, you hung up.

Soon, a soft knock came to your door. Looking up you saw Jungkook there, dressed to the nines looking at you. Raising a brow you assessed the situation.

“What’s up?” You said, setting your phone down to give him your undivided attention.

“I was wondering if you needed a ride to work, you’re already an hour late,” he said, pointing to the clock on your wall.

“Oh, about that,” you said, rubbing your hands together.

“Did something happen? Did they fire you for being our surrogate? Oh just let me make one phone call, that’s illegal! I’m a lawyer, let me talk some sense into them!” Jungkook said, turning to walk out.

“No, Jungkook! It’s fine, they told me to take the time off. To spend time focusing on myself and to take care of the baby,” you explained. “My job will be there when I’m ready to return.”

Jungkook stopped and looked at you. His features softened before nodding.

“Okay, but if they try to tell you you can’t go back when you’re ready, you just tell me. I won’t let anyone disrespect or lie to you,” he said, a stern look on his face.

“Thanks Jungkook, that means a lot,” you said, giving a smile.

“There’s food in the fridge, all you have to do is heat it up. You have the house to yourself so, do whatever you want,” Jungkook said, waving before walking out of your room.

You sat there for a minute, really mulling over what you wanted to do. Honestly, you were so sore and tired you just wanted to fall back asleep. But you decided that it was better to get up and do some activity. Hopefully that would be okay.

It had been about ten days since your IUI appointment and you were mainly just tired. Although fatigue was a symptom of an attachment. But that was the only symptom you were having, you were meant to test in a couple days to see if you were pregnant, but something had you worried.

If you weren’t pregnant, you’d have to wait a whole other month. They did tell you that sometimes it took multiple tries to successfully impregnate someone. But you really wanted this to work, you just wanted to get this going.

That way Jimin and Jungkook could have their baby already.

You knew they’d be amazing fathers, already with their dutiful actions towards you. So willing to do whatever you asked, but you tried your best not to pester them too much. You tried to make it as though you weren’t even there. But they insisted you join them for dinner so they could make sure you were eating well.

For your day you mainly just puttered around the house, picking up and doing little things that wouldn’t aggravate you. So, you settled down with a book in your hands and soft music playing in the background.

That’s how Jimin and Jungkook found you when they came home. Curled up on the couch with a novel between your fingers. Jimin smiled softly, looking at the picturesque scene.

“Do you think she’s pregnant?” Jungkook asked, looking at his boyfriend with apprehension.

“I hope so,” Jimin answered.

“She’s really tired lately, sleeping late and going to bed early. That’s a sign, right?” Jungkook said.

“It is, but that’s also a sign of a woman’s period coming up,” Jimin warned.

“Damn...” Jungkook said, rubbing his face.

“But I don’t know, she’s due to test soon so, we might have our baby,” Jimin soothed.

You looked up from your book, noticing the pair in the entryway. Giving them a shy smile, you waved, nose getting buried back in the book. Jimin laughed lightly, heading towards the kitchen.

The two cooked dinner, making something easy to digest. Your stomach was on the fritz yesterday so they want to make sure they don’t upset your sensitive tummy. But, as Jimin looked out at you reading on the couch, a blanket draped along your lap. He couldn’t help but love the domesticity of it all. You looked at peace, in your element and comfortable.

Jimin hoped it would stay that way. With you, comfy and cared for.

Jungkook rushed past with the boiling soup in his hands, moving quick like a little kid to set the table for you all. Jimin just laughed, smacking his butt when he came back.

“Hey! Paws off,” Jungkook pouted.

“Hmm? That’s not what you were saying the other night,” Jimin laughed at the scandalized look on Jungkook’s face. “I’m kidding, come on go get Y/N so we can eat.”

Jungkook went to gather you from the living room and was met with an unusual sight. You passed out, wrapped in the blanket with your book on the floor.

He smiled, moving towards you slowly. He placed a soft hand on your head, patting your hair gently. Your eyes opened slowly, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. Jungkook helped you up, leading you to the dining room.

The meal was quiet, Jungkook and Jimin making small talk with you, but mostly you were just eating peacefully.

You ate well and leaned back, as you tended to do when you were full and let out a huff. Jimin repressed the smile on his face with the back of his hand. Jungkook smiled openly, looking at your sleepy form.

Sitting back up you took a few more swallows of water before you stood up and thanked them for the meal and headed towards your room.

Jungkook and Jimin watched you go, each having a weird tightening in their chest at the sight of your swaying hips.

—

You had finally reached the two week mark.

Time to test.

Jimin and Jungkook went with you, driving you to the clinic for your appointment at the ass crack of dawn it felt like.

Jimin was chatting excitedly in the front seat with Jungkook. You could see the looks of love on their faces as they talked about their future with their child. It made butterflies rise in your stomach.

Quickly smacking your cheeks, you tried to forget the sensation of hope building in your belly.

Soon you were all at the clinic, Jimin helping you out of the car. The two men walked on either side of you, making sure everyone knew who you were here with. It made you feel protected, watched over.

Important.

After all the paperwork was done for the visit, Jungkook and Jimin sat down next to you. They interlocked their hands, smiling brightly at each other. You locked your hands together and looked down at them.

“Miss Y/N? Mr. Park and Mr. Jeon? Are you all ready?” A nurse called and you all headed back to a secluded room, a few chairs and the like ready. You saw the needles and everything set up and you swallowed hard.

You hated needles, with a passion.

But you’d done it before, so you’d do it again.

“Y/N? You okay?” Jungkook asked, looking at your paling face.

“Y-yeah, nervous around needles,” you confessed.

“Oh, do you want some water or something?”

“No I’m okay,” you encouraged.

“If you’re sure,” Jungkook said, looking like he wanted to do more...

“Alright! We’re gonna take some blood and a urine sample, so if you two would just wait outside for a moment while we get her changed, then you can come back in if you want,” the nurse explained.

You got changed and hopped up on the table.

They asked a bunch of questions, all fairly standard. Then they brought out the needles. Jimin saw you flinch when the packaging came off and you saw the syringe come closer.

“Hang on,” Jimin said, standing up.

The nurse stopped and looked up in confusion, that’s when Jimin took your hand in his and squeezed.

“You can hold my hand while they take your blood okay? Just squeeze if you need to,” he said, looking at your face for any signs of resistance.

You bit your lip and nodded.

The nurse took your blood quickly, getting a few vials full. Jungkook watched as his boyfriend held your hand the whole time, keeping you calm and at ease.

He hoped with everything he was that this had worked.

God, he wanted it to work so bad.

Soon, the two men were being ushered out of the room so you could do your urine sample.

After everything was done and over with, you got dressed and went to the waiting room. Jimin and Jungkook stood up when they saw you, waving you over to sit with them.

All three of you waited with baited breath as they ran the tests. They kept asking if you wanted anything, water, juice or something to eat. But you politely declined. Knowing if you put anything in your body right now you’d puke it up immediately with how nervous you were for the results.

They said it shouldn’t take too long.

It had been about an hour when a nurse popped her head out, signaling for all three of you to come back.

“Dr. Heinz will see you now,” she said, giving you all a small smile before leading you down the hallway towards the offices.

Shortly, you were sat on a comfortable sofa with Jungkook and Jimin in front of you. Jungkook and Jimin were holding onto each other so tight you feared for their circulation. But, Dr. Heinz was quick to get to the point.

“Well, I want to say, congratulations, Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park... Y/N is pregnant,” he said, talking like you weren’t in the room.

“Oh my God!” Jungkook shouted, standing up and hugging Jimin to him tightly. They kissed several times, tears falling freely down the new father’s faces. Dr. Heinz let them have their moment, smiling at the happy couple. You looked down at your stomach and bit your lip.

So this was really happening...

“Jungkook, I love you,” Jimin said, holding onto his boyfriend tightly.

“I love you too babe, I love you too,” Jungkook affirmed.

“Okay we do have to discuss her health however,” Dr. Heinz said, having the men sit down quickly.

“Is she alright?” Jimin said, looking at you with worry written all over his features.

“She’s at a very fragile point in the pregnancy. IUI can be tricky so we need to be very careful with what happens next. I don’t want her doing anything strenuous. Especially with the lower body until we can get her in for an ultrasound. Her uterus looked good on her preliminary but getting pregnant can really affect a woman’s body, so we need to take all the precautions,” Dr. Heinz explained.

“But is she going to be okay?” Jungkook asked, placing a gentle hand on yours.

You looked at his big hand covering yours, blinking slowly.

“I’m worried about her low white blood cell count. That makes her more susceptible to colds and infections, so you need to be very careful. Her red blood cell count was also low, showing early signs of anemia. So lots of red meat and protein to help keep her levels up. Although the anemia will be aggravated by the pregnancy, so make sure she doesn’t stand up too fast or tax herself too much,” he said.

“I am right here,” you said, glaring at the doctor.

“Sorry Miss Y/N, they’re the parents in this situation. I want them to be informed of your situation,” Dr. Heinz said bluntly.

“There are four of us in this room, I’ll remind you of that. Don’t talk like I’m not here please,” you said, folding your hands and crossing your legs.

Jimin almost burst out laughing.

Damn you were feisty!

He really liked that...

“I-I apologize, Miss Y/N,” he said, swallowing quickly before continuing on. “Also, you’re going to start having more symptoms than the fatigue you mentioned. Morning sickness is extremely common and expected, although every woman is different. Headaches, dizziness and blurred vision are also to be noted. Even some spotting can happen, but please do tell us if you’re spotting or bleeding. Now, do any of you have questions?” The doctor asked, looking at the boys and you.

“Is there any way to know if we are expecting, more than one?” Jimin asked, looking down at your stomach with pure adoration on his face.

“We won’t really know until she’s further along. Quite a bit further actually. But for now, enjoy this. Enjoy the early stages, it’ll be tough but you can pull through. I wish you all the best of luck,” Dr. Heinz said, handing some paperwork over to Jungkook before the three of you stood up and headed out.

Jimin and Jungkook were so excited, chatting with each other about if they were having twins. If the baby was a boy or girl. You were in the car, hands folded in your lap while you looked out the window.

Honestly, you were scared out of your mind.

The doctor had mentioned this was a really fragile part of the pregnancy. That you’d have to be careful, not to mention it was important for your own health as well. If something happened to the baby, something could happen to you and vice versa.

Jungkook insisted on taking everyone out for dinner.

This was a big occasion after all.

Sitting down in the very resturant you all had your first meal in, felt kinda surreal.

Now, you were pregnant with their baby. It felt kinda full circle.

Jimin and Jungkook insisted on getting whatever you wanted. But you weren’t terribly hungry yet, maybe it was the nerves of the whole day catching up. But you ordered a few things, making sure to eat. You knew it made them happy when you did, because it showed you cared about your body and the life growing inside of you.

Jungkook was drinking, a lot if you were being honest. Jimin just watched him as his cheeks flushed red as he continued to talk animatedly at the two of you. Smiling, you filled up Jungkook’s water before urging him to drink some.

“Thanks youuu,” he said, beaming at you.

“You’re welcome, but drink up okay?” You said, gesturing towards the glass.

He did as you asked, drinking all the water. You sighed in relief, knowing at least he’d be hydrated when he went to bed.

“Well, guess you aren’t driving you big lug,” Jimin laughed as he hauled Jungkook out of the restaurant a while later.

“Mmm, we’re having a baby baby!” Jungkook cooed at Jimin, holding his cheeks in between his hands.

“Mhmm, yes we are. Now get in the back with Y/N, okay?” Jimin said, opening the back and helping his very tipsy boyfriend inside. You were about to climb in when Jimin placed his hands on your hips, causing you to jolt so hard you smacked your head on the roof of the car.

“Ow, fuck,” you said, holding your head tightly.

“Y/N!” Jimin yelped. Jungkook’s head popped up.

“What happened?” He asked, looking at you with bleary eyes.

“I just smacked my head, I’m alright,” you said, rubbing your head gingerly.

“Can I take a look?” Jimin asked, biting his plump lips harshly.

“Y-yeah,” you said, leaning towards him.

Jimin’s gentle hands on your scalp proved to be dangerous. Because now, you wanted him to touch you here all the time. Combing his fingers through your hair. Massaging the tender flesh there.

“Well, you aren’t bleeding, but you’ll have a massive bump for a few days no doubt,” he reasoned.

“She’s gonna have a massive bump here soon too!” Jungkook cheered happily, pointing at your stomach.

“Jungkook, enough,” Jimin warned.

Grumbling to himself, Jungkook backed off.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jimin asked. You nodded, already feeling the throbbing in the base of your skull starting.

“I’ll take a few pain killers when we get back,” you said.

“Okay,” Jimin said, running his hand from your head down to cradle your cheek in his palm. You’re cheeks heated up at the feeling of his skin on yours, but shortly he was retreating to the front of the car.

Soon, you were underway.

Jimin turned on the radio quietly, driving carefully around town.

Jungkook had managed to fall asleep against the window. When suddenly, the car was jerking to the side. Jimin laid on the horn, yelling a couple explicit words out the window. But, Jungkook’s body had already fallen into your lap.

His head rested comfortably against your thighs, arms draping across your legs. Jungkook continued to sleep peacefully while you inspected him. He had a beautiful nose, button like and slotting perfectly along with his already perfect features. His plush lips pouting as he slept. Your eyes widened at him, heart hammering in your chest as you gazed down at him.

He was incredibly handsome.

But, you knew his personality too. He was kind, but strong and sure of himself. He had an air of confidence that was almost infectious. But he also had a childish nature about him. Not immature, but there was something about the wonder in his eyes when he tried something new. Or the nostalgia that ran through him when he ate his favorite food or, just the sparkle in his eyes when Jimin came home.

You, as if possessed, took your hand and ran your fingers through his soft black hair. He groaned in his sleep, gripping your legs tighter. You continued to run your fingers through his hair, watching his face for any signs of discomfort.

Jimin looked in the rearview mirror and saw you stroking Jungkook’s head with a gentle hand. His heart thudded dangerously in his chest. You were so caring and tender, everything you did had purpose behind it.

Jimin felt relief flood him at the idea of you being the mother of he and Jungkook’s child. Technically just Jimin’s but Jungkook was also the father but he didn’t get any genetics in this one.

This one...

Did Jimin want to have more children?

You just got the announcement today and he was already giddy at the prospect of you growing large with his child. But confusion swept through him. Was this just because he was grateful to you? Or was it something more?

Looking at you and Jungkook in the back, he thinks he might already know the answer.

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me.   I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker. 

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour . 

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back. 

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ” 

The phone rang, startling both of us. 

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.” 

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered. 

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days. 

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing. 

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped. 

I resisted the urge to sob out loud . 

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying. 

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her. 

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me. 

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter. 

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either. 

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently. 

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed. 

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ” 

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table. 

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones. 

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it. 

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie. 

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need. 

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself. 

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss. 

 How was your day, Kookie?  (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.  

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands. 

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms. 

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with. 

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it? 

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.  

Love like that had never been in the cards for me. 

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt. 

 The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it. 

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me. 

But love? Being in love with someone? 

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook. 

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death ) 

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like. 

Because I would never know what he had lost. 

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball. 

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded. 

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers. 

I swallowed and stared at him. 

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him. 

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34.  Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said . 

I scoffed. 

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly. 

Jungkook frowned. 

“What?” 

I glared at him. 

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink.  “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl. 

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ? 

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .” 

That made him pause. 

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.  

 I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great. 

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening. 

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies. 

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me. 

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant. 

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.” 

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper. 

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother. 

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?” 

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me. 

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely. 

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife. 

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not. 

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?” 

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.” 

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way. 

Mrs. Jeon frowned. 

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind. 

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple. 

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting  pregnant?” 

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out. 

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly. 

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable. 

 Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again. 

 “ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.” 

 Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match? 

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine. 

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back. 

 If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again. 

Like ships passing by each other in the night,  I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were. 

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard. 

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned. 

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone. 

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely. 

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist. 

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly. 

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.” 

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no. 

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?” 

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed. 

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..” 

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry. 

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying. 

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding. 

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar. 

He gave me a small smile. 

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently. 

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously. 

He gave me a quick little smirk. 

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked. 

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what? 

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep. 

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open . 

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted. 

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending  down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming. 

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. 

“You good?” 

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down. 

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid. 

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened. 

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it. 

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

 I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection. 

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself.  He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened. 

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak. 

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly. 

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.” 

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of,  but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.” 

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red. 

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag . 

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already. 

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning. 

What had i gotten myself into. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes. 

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed. 

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?” 

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard. 

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed. 

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook. 

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace. 

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed. 

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief. 

“i... i never knew.” 

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.” 

I swallowed . 

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information. 

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared. 

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up. 

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed. 

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “ 

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason  to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides,  your time with Jungkook is finite right?” 

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “ 

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly. 

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly. 

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends  date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her  portrait over the mantle. 

I followed his gaze and swallowed. 

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply. 

Jin hesitated. 

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.” 

I nodded. 

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless.  But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.” 

Jin gave me a surprised look. 

“What do you mean?” 

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.” 

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly. 

There was nothing else i could say to that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees. 

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who. 

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat. 

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in. 

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants. 

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin. 

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him. 

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned. 

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. 

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips. 

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness. 

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little. 

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends. 

It would be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine. 

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps. 

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh.  I felt sick at the very sight of it. 

its because he’s drunk ,  I told myself.  He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.  

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile. 

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered. 

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. 

Glaring at him, 

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice. 

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.” 

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?” 

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.” 

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist. 

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me. 

“Heejin?” He slurred. 

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly. 

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded. 

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped? 

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband . 

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk. 

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat. 

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that. 

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire. 

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane? 

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he?? 

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered. 

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room . 

 If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real,  a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building. 

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor. 

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling. 

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing. 

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?” 

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath. 

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten. 

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight. 

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear  to know exactly where his mouth was behind me. 

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.  

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter. 

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it. 

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly. 

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief. 

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted. 

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned. 

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his  mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant. 

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned. 

It was going to be a long night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed. 

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “ 

I took a deep breath. 

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?” 

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “ 

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling. 

“I have something for you. “ 

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table. 

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.” 

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed. 

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him. 

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.” 

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees. 

“i hope you make the right choice.” 

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow! 

.@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki--life   @somewhereinthestarss  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom 

[dippedanddripped]

Old Nollywood aesthetics and fashion may be considered trendy today, but the films were not always so well-regarded. In the 90s and early 2000s, when these movies were made and watched in parlours across Nigerian homes as they were shot, straight-to-video, they were considered as bad entertainment, or ‘low culture’. To watch and enjoy Nollywood films was to celebrate mediocrity. But today, nostalgic young Millennials and Gen Zers are overlooking the jarring audio, grainy pictures, and sometimes hammy acting, to appreciate not only the grooming and style of the actors, but the original and diverse stories that reflect unique Nigerian experiences.

It was for this reason that sisters Tochi and Ebele Anueyiagu started Nolly Babes, a nostalgic Instagram account dedicated to celebrating the cinematic period’s women. Started in December 2017, their first post was of Nollywood’s biggest star Genevieve Nnaji; a still taken from 2004 film Sharon Stone In Abuja, directed by Adim Williams. Nnaji plays the titular character, a sexually liberated young woman who uses her beauty and charm to ensnare unassuming men into doing her bidding.

The account is an ode to the female characters of old Nollywood who were often portrayed as warning examples. The storylines were steeped in moral principles rooted in the patriarchal culture and the dominant Christian religion of Southern Nigeria. A large number of the female characters were considered immoral because they kissed other women, challenged men, smoked and drank, or wore mini skirts. Today, Nolly Babes and similar accounts are reimagining these women, taking their scenes out of the moralistic context of the films, and turning them into iconic feminist personas.

The first time Nollywood content seeped into the mainstream internet consciousness can be traced back to 2017 when videos of Nollywood’s favourite comedic duo Chinedu Ikedieze and Osita Iheme, better known as Aki and Pawpaw, rose to popularity due mostly to the influence of a now-defunct Twitter account @nollywoodroll ran by Nicole, a woman based in Brazil.

Their memes became the go-to reaction videos for expressing a wide range of emotions: joy, disappointment, sadness, frustration. The appeal was in seeing children making mischief or in adult situations – drinking beer and smoking cigars, wooing bigger women, or in oversized suits shouting instructions at people twice their size. Although both Ikedieze and Iheme were in their 20s in the early 2000s when most of the films were made, they mostly played children because of their body stature. By 2019, the memes had achieved such virality that brands like Rihanna’s Fenty would use them for social media clout.

Theodora Imaan Beauvais is the curator of Yung Nollywood, another archive of clips and stills from old Nollywood paying homage to its controversial female characters, after screenshotting moments from Nollywood she found “appealing or inspirational”. Yung Nollywood is remarkably distinct from Nolly Babes for its subtitling of the films’ stills from Nollywood films, something she attributes to Tumblr. While the idea to give witty captions to the actors’ facial expressions came from watching Netflix. “I thought, ‘If someone could describe Nollywood reactions in short phrases it’d be an art form on its own,’ and I became that someone.’”

In December 2019, Tochi and Ebele hosted a Nollywood-themed party in Lagos. Nollywood actor and musician Nonso Bassey attended the party dressed in a two-piece jean set and bucket hat, a signature look of the bad boy/alpha male archetype, and a role reprised multiple times by older actors such as Hanks Anuku, Emeka Ike, and Jim Iyke. Since that party, Nonso has attended social functions and premieres in outfits that make a nod to the fashion choices of that era of Nollywood. He insists, though, that he isn’t cosplaying Nollywood characters of that era. “I’ve always been attracted to the idea of merging old world charm with a new school approach,” he said.

The party caused a cultural stir amongst Nigerians and Africans both at home and in the diaspora – every other week, there seems to be a Nollywood-themed party held either in Lagos or London. Take for instance friends and business partners Imani Okunubi and Aseosa Uwagboe, two Nigerian-British kids who grew up in the UK. Nollywood was one of the ways they could connect back to their roots. That experience informs their event brand, Lasgidi to London, targeted at Nigerians living in the UK. “We wanted to create events that were reminiscent of the Naija hall parties (Owambe) we attended as kids, as we don’t want to see that culture die,” Aseosa said. Their next owambe is a Nollywood-themed party and guests are expected to come dressed in their “best nolly Y2K aesthetic”.

Below, the Nolly Babes sisters talk about creating and hosting the first Nollywood-themed party and the cultural moment it has inspired.

How did that first event come about – please take me through it, from the planning to how it turned out?

Nolly Babes: From the inception of Nolly Babes, we knew we had to throw a party. Fashion is a huge part of what makes Nolly Babes different from other Nollywood-themed pages and we knew we were the only ones that could set Nolly Babes as the dress code and have people commit as they did. There are many iconic Nollywood scenes and scenarios. The daughter meeting her evil mother-in-law, the ominous visit to the Babalawo, the campus stroll – just the mere mention of these scenes evokes images that have been embedded in the minds of our fellow Nollywood enthusiasts. The party scene is probably the most iconic of them all. Whether it’s in a club, a mansion while mum and dad are out of town (but coming home early to crash the whole thing) or poolside, the Nolly Babes party scene has its staples: mad music, dancing, and sick outfits.

December in Lagos is notoriously hectic. On each day, there are day parties, beach hangouts, concerts, and we just knew we had to be a part of it. Our flyer was the first thing we made sure was done right, and that has been replicated (but never duplicated) many many times. We went through at least six drafts of that until we got the flyer to be a realistic replica of the home video covers from the golden era. The DJs Kemi Lijadu and vIVENDII Sounds understood the assignment and played music from the Nolly Babes era. We’re talking Tony Tetuila, Mo Hitz, Wande Coal, Plantation Boyz… We curated a special cocktail menu: Genny Colladas, Jim Iyke’s Hard Lemonade, MargaRita Dominic, and our Lagos Island Iced Tea, in tribute to Nollywood stars Genevieve Nnaji, Jim Iyke, and Rita Dominic respectively. We had a video projection on the famous red wall at Nok showing a mashup of emblematic scenes. We were partying while seeing images of a young Jim Iyke dressed just like many of the attendees were dressed. It was magical! We have an event we’re planning in New York for the summer – it’s going to be a madness.

Did you envisage it becoming the cultural movement it’s now become?

Nolly Babes: We really didn’t. We hosted the party because we knew people were taking inspiration from our page for styling jobs and music video treatments, and wanted to give everyone a chance to recreate some of their favourite looks. Now every week we see people planning Nollywood-themed parties and sending people to our page for references. It’s awesome. Toke Makinwa even recently attended a Nolly Babes-themed party and she was dressed as a character we have immortalised – Regina Askia in President’s Daughter. She killed it! Even though the character wasn’t referenced, it was clear as day and it was awesome to see that she pulled it off! Honestly, when we see people really pay attention to detail and execute the theme well it’s so, so dope.

How has TikTok helped grow Nollywood's influence? You posted a scene from Girls Cot, the famous “you stink with poverty” clip on TikTok and it went viral and birthed these recreations even by non-Africans.

Nolly Babes: We’re just happy to see that another aspect of Nollywood that we champion – the iconic scenes and one-liners – is also resonating across the world. We see Nolly Babes as an archival work and as much as we focus on beauty and looks on Instagram, it’s nice to be able to point people in the direction of the scenes that are forever embedded in our brains. These are scenes we recreated in jest ourselves before there was even a Nolly Babes to begin with, so to see it catching on TikTok is exciting and a new frontier for us to fully explore. I think what distinguishes Nolly Babes from other Nollywood pages and what contributes to our TikTok success is that we really watch Nollywood movies. We grew up watching these movies and continue to do so now so we can capture those moments in films that the casual consumer or poster of Nollywood content might not.

What are your thoughts on Nollywood’s influence on the Alté scene? Music videos of artists such as Lady Donli and Odunsi nod to the aesthetic and fashion styles of that era.

Nolly Babes: Nollywood, and specifically the aesthetic we have shone a spotlight on, is probably one of the biggest influences in terms of visuals in that scene right now. I have never seen so many Eucharia (Anunobi) eyebrows on TV and we love it! It’s awesome to see our images and scenes being used in treatments and storyboards. If we’re being candid, we think it would be great if we got the chance to step into our stylist/creative direction bag and help with the execution of the aesthetic.

“The bottom line is really that Nolly Babes has brought what was already an international cultural influence to the modern social media realm with a new lens” – Nolly Babes

How far do you see Nollywood's influence on pop culture, beyond Nigeria and Africa?

Nolly Babes: When we moved to New York we found our Dominican and South American friends had also grown up watching Nollywood films. The bottom line is really that Nolly Babes has brought what was already an international cultural influence to the modern social media realm with a new lens. Nollywood clips were online everywhere – but it was always in a comedic way. Aki and PawPaw are meme gods now, and that’s because their expressions transcend cultural boundaries. Black Twitter eats that stuff up.

Nolly Babes chooses to center the beauty, style, and iconic imagery, even the home decor with our #NollyDecor hashtag of the golden era of Nollywood. We share the makeup, accessories, fashion, iconic phrases, and scenes in a way that isn’t just comedic but inspirational and aesthetically groundbreaking. I see Nollywood being at the centre of this Y2K resurgence that is happening all over the world, from TV to runways and fashion collections. That era is coming back around and, this time, the Black experience is being revisited and centered in a way it wasn’t back in the late 90s and 2000s. (Black people) were always the originators of the trends and this time they’re tapping into the source and Nollywood, particularly the era we celebrate as Nolly Babes, is a great resource for that.

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